FWM 2012 01

FREE!

Winter 2012

Why Build a Positive Attitude?

Mastering Uncertainty Camp Guide 2012

How Our Marriage Was Saved

This seal of approval is a service mark of Independent Charities of America and is used under license.

Content is the responsibility of FamilyWorks.

Winter 2012

3 Why Build a Positive Attitude?

4 Mastering Uncertainty

By Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith, MA, MFT, RN

6 10 Great Educational Toys

You Can Make at Home

By Sharon Nolfi

8 How Our Marriage Was Saved

By Ann Campbell

APPLE FamilyWorks 11 Therapy Programs 12 Parenting Programs 15 Rules for Avoiding Intimacy

by Elizabeth Rix Fairfax

16 Pet Parents’ Love 18 Safe Driving Tips for Teens

20 Camp Guide FamilyWorks Magazine is published by APPLE FamilyWorks® Executive Director: Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith Lew Tremaine Editor: Marketing: Doug Silberstein Art Director/Website: James Wright Web Publisher: Art Severe Printed by:

S.W. Offset

FamilyWorks® Board of Directors: Anjana Berde, President Mark Clark, Secretary Maria Villani, Treasurer Vicky Smirnoff Rita Trumbo

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APPLE FamilyWorks® 4 Joseph Court, San Rafael, CA 94903 email: familynews@familyworks.org Sponsorship Information: Doug Silberstein Phone: (415) 492-1022 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: community@familyworks.org Editorial Information: Lew Tremaine Phone: (415) 492-0720 x231 FAX: (415) 492-1099 email: familynews@familyworks.org

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Content is the responsibility of FamilyWorks.

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Circulation: This major family magazine is published quarterly and widely distributed FREE throughout Marin and Sonoma Counties: through home deliveries, distribution to over 150 community locations - stores, public and private schools, medical offices, hospitals, and family-related businesses – and direct mail to thousands of active participants and sponsors of FamilyWorks®. © 2011 APPLE FamilyWorks®, All rights reserved. APPLE FamilyWorks is a nonprofit agency serving families in the Bay Area. No portion of FamilyWorks Magazine may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher. Appearance of articles, editorials, author’s point of view, advertisements or announcements for products and services in FamilyWorks Magazine does not necessarily constitute an endorsement by FamilyWorks® and FamilyWorks® is not responsible for its content or the reactions of readers to its content. FamilyWorks Magazine reserves the right to refuse advertising for any reason. Unsolicited manuscripts and photographs are welcome and should e-mailed to: familynews@familyworks.org.

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Why Build a Positive Attitude?

Our “Dino Brain” is always on alert for danger and thus looks for what might be going wrong.

Unfortunately, when we live in our “Dino Brain” we unintentionally invite the negative toward us and turn others into dinosaurs too.

We invite you to apply APPLE FamilyWorks’ principle, “What you notice most, is what you get most”, allowing reactive “Dino Brain” to go in the background and letting the reasoning, proactive brain be in charge.

We invite you to assume positive intent in others and become open to positive possibilities. Why? Because this courageous positive attitude builds positive energy and yields positive results.

Positive attitude makes a difference every hour, every day, in every facet of life.

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Positive attitude is seen, heard and felt by everyone around you.

When you display a positive attitude, you emphasize the good - finding ways to appreciate yourself and others.

With your positive attitude you are compassionate, patient, and respectful.

With a positive attitude you work with others to solve problems that you can solve, and encourage others to deal with issues they are best qualified to work through. You let go of trying to control everything and restore life’s balance.

Your positive attitude creates and exudes positive energy, building hope and inviting positive results.

To learn more about Dino Brain and how to build positive results in your life, Call: 415-492-0720, or enroll through our website at familyworks. org for life skills classes or counseling.

Winter 2012

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Mastering Uncertainty Guiding Our Teens Through Tough Times By

Ma ry J ane D FT eWolf-Smith, PHN, M

Who Matters

Clearly, our children need guidance from each adult they meet as well as meaningful activities to instill a sense of connection to positive principles. Dr. Ronald Taffel points out, “A passion for something other than the pop culture builds connections that are usually antidotes to aggression, and delay immediate gratification.”

Try this quiz:

He reminds us that we need to not only reinvest in our youth, but to believe in their goodness.

Here is another quiz.

Our culture has bought into the myth that youth, and especially adolescents are, by definition, defiant, difficult, and estranged from adults. We are taught to believe that they listen only to their peer group and discount their elder’s opinions.

There is truth that youth are on a tract toward independence, and attach 4

Winter 2012

• Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

• Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

• Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

• Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

• Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor.

Results: Many people will not “score” very well on this quiz. Why not? Because, we remember few of the “stars” – even when they are first rate or the best in their fields.

Applause dies. Awards tarnish.

• List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

• Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

• Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

• Think of five people with whom you enjoy spending time.

• Think of three people who have made you feel appreciated.

Results: Easier this time?

The Lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care – the ones that enrich our lives. familyworks.org

themselves to their peers.

However, they are equally in need of the listening ears of their parents and parental guidance to care for those less fortunate than themselves.

They need help in acquiring the proper balance of independence, dependence, and interdependence. The need to understand the truth that in the last analysis, we are all interdependent.

We do our children no favor by over-estimating and overencouraging the importance of independence, so worshipped in our Western society.

In fact, the notion that teens must rebel against their elders in order to attain adulthood (during a phase called adolescence) is relatively new.

In the 1800’s, mid to late teens were working adults, married, and raising children. Their choices were less confusing and their extended family and community relied on one another for their very survival.

Now many of our children have an extended period of financial dependence and freefloating anxiety about their futures. There are so many choices and so much competition.

With the emphasis on external success, youth feel extraordinary pressures. Without social supports from family and friends that emphasize inner riches (compassion, commitment, creativity, caring, and self-discipline), young people often feel overwhelmed.When family gives unconditional love, acknowledges that we learn from our mistakes, and celebrates authenticity, youth can dare to be real with their parents and their friends. With the anchor of their family, they can choose to say “no” to drugs and gangs. With the central purpose in life being of service, and leaving the world a better place than they found it, teeens can dare to walk the path of economic uncertainty, work in jobs whose primary glory is that of doing their best, being a good team worker, and contributing in a small way to society,

Here are some questions to ask one another: • What principles guide you?

• Who are you especially proud of in your family’s history?

• What did they teach you?

• What troubles you?

• What excites and inspires you?

• What does each family member need from the other?

• How can we work together better?

Write down some of your answers and create a Family Mission a Memoir of Mentors,” (Beacon Press), asks us to consider two questions: • “How will progress be measured over the next thousand years if we survive them?”

• “Will America’s legacy be about how many material things we produce, advertise, sell and consume, or our rediscovery of more lasting nonmaterial measures of success—a new Dow-Jones for the purpose and quality of life?”

Children, who are raised to value emotional competence, pro-social behaviors, and are taught to have a sense of gratitude for simple things, have the ability to withstand the rigors of our times.

Our society is at an important crossroads. With the media’s focus on violence and corruption, we must work harder than ever to place more emphasis on what FamilyWorks calls the “Second Three R’s” (Respect, Responsibility and Relationship). I invite our readers to sit down and talk about what each of you and your family stands for. Write down some of your answers and create a Family Mission Statement. Post your Statement on the refrigerator. Ask the children to draw a picture or write a poem or a story about how they want to help others.

Marina Wright Edelman, in her landmark book, “Lanterns, familyworks.org

Mary Jane DeWolf-Smith is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in couples, parenting and co-parenting concerns. She is a renowned family educator. Learn more great parenting skills in her Positive & Peaceful Parenting class.

Call (415) 492-0720 to sign up or make an appointment for counseling services.

Winter 2012

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10 Great Educational Toys to Make At Home

by Sharon Nolfi

When Joey Jones opened a large present for his fourth birthday, he seized the silver, holographic wrapping paper.

Ignoring the expensive gift underneath, he folded the paper into an airplane and launched it across the living room. The plane dove and crashed as Joey rushed to retrieve it for another flight.

The intended gift, an expensive building set, lay untouched.

Joey followed his natural instinct for finding the fun in items that are not officially toys. A closer look reveals that Joey also demonstrated kids’ natural instinct for learning. He explored principals of engineering and physics, using the wrapping paper as an educational plaything.

The right playthings at home can improve learning at school, but 6

Winter 2012

educational toys tend to be expensive.

Budgetminded families can make no or low cost versions with just a little effort.

Homemade toys delight children partly because of their novelty.

Every parent knows that Joey’s

Parents can construct homemade, inexpensive toys that enchant children as well as promote learning.

Anyone can transform common household items and even discards into items that kids will love.

Easy instructions follow for ten types of make-ityourself toys that rival the best educational playthings on the market. familyworks.org

reaction to his gift is a common one. The key test of any toy is whether a child will play with it.

Building Sets

Seal empty cardboard boxes with masking tape to create lightweight, reusable blocks. Oatmeal boxes make great silos! Very large boxes become child-sized rooms or vehicles with just a few cuts.

Create design elements with paint or markers. Provide inexpensive Popsicle™ sticks and glue for smaller scale buildings.

Creativity Kits

Images cut from old greeting cards, magazines and even advertising combine with used wrapping paper, packing materials, discarded buttons, old silk flowers and just about anything else to produce collages and other works of art.

Have kids glue small pasta to recycled containers and boxes, then paint to hold treasures.

Getting Started Save boxes, containers, colorful advertising, paper scraps, and bits of other materials.

Note the variety of natural objects available for study in your yard and neighborhood.

Collect some.

Explore the U.S. Government Printing Office (www.gpo.gov) with your child and order some pamphlets that look interesting. Contact state tourism offices (online or by mail) and request free books and maps.

Watch your kids – they already possess the inclination that you are trying to develop.

hold insects briefly for observation.

Physical Development

Pile pillows and seat cushions on the floor to encourage the movement young children need to develop motor coordination. Older kids can blow up a bag of balloons (for children 5 and older) for throwing, hitting, and catching on a rainy day.

Infant Stimulation

Babies thrive on visual contrast.

Paste 8-1/2 x 11 inch black and white pictures (or draw the images yourself with a marker) on pieces of light cardboard and insert them in plastic page covers. Display wherever your newborn might look and change the display often. As baby gets older, repeat the name of each object as you show him the cards to develop language skills.

Master a Skill

Supplies you already have for cooking, sewing, woodworking and household repairs can be used to teach older children practical skills.

Dress Up for Social/ Emotional Learning

Adult clothing and accessories (if you’re willing) provide great props for exploring self-image and learning about social conventions.

Explore Science

Purchase an inexpensive magnifying glass and teach kids to examine the details of everything. Use egg cartons to sort collections of rocks for further study. Punch holes in a plastic container with a transparent top to

Personalized Reading

For a child learning to read, have her dictate a story about herself.

Transcribe it to sheets of paper and fasten them together, then let her illustrate each page. She can practice reading her own words in a personalized picture book. Older children (and even parents) should try the U.S. Government Printing Office for free or low-cost booklets on nearly any subject.

Do the Math

Buttons, beans, containers lids, and even dried pasta are readymade tools for counting and arithmetic activities. Actual coins work well to demonstrate financial transactions. Measuring cups and spoons teach computation as well as measurement.

Thinking and Speaking

Encourage your children to express their thoughts as you share everyday tasks and family activities.

Get them to think and talk about all kinds of things, then listen to them and give responses that invite even more conversation. Remember, you are the ultimate educational toy for your children.

The next time you admire expensive educational toys, remember that children learn just as well from homemade versions. Make your own playthings, delight your kids, and teach them a bonus lesson: how to save money. familyworks.org

Winter 2012

7

How Our Marriage Was Saved

by Ann Campbell

We tried our best to work things out, but when we stopped talking to each other, I knew it was time to get help.

I

hate therapists’ offices. I hate the ever-soreadilyavailable box of tissues, the carefully chosen artwork, the muted colors, the suggestion that one person in the room is a lot better equipped for dealing with life than the other, and that person isn’t you. I hate seeing people ahead of me come out with red-rimmed eyes and compensatory smiles; and I hate seeing people waiting to go in after me with their nervous apologetic, curious faces. I hate making appointments and taking time out of an already frantic schedule to show up for them.

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I also hate, however, seeing my relationship with my husband deteriorate before my eyes.

And, perhaps I am finally mature enough to recognize that sometimes I need to make sacrifices for some higher good.

I asked my husband to start marital therapy with me following one particularly bad morning when, after he went to work, I ended up sitting at the kitchen table far too long with an empty cup. I couldn’t put together what had happened. All I know is that, when he left for work, I felt as if he hated me, and he undoubtedly felt that I hated him. It wasn’t a familyworks.org

flare-up; our inability to talk to each other had become a pattern.

I had begun seeing a therapist a few weeks earlier in an effort to help me deal with some of the problems I’d been having, especially in my marriage. But, it occurred to me that morning that if, in fact, it was the marriage that needed help, then both people involved needed to work on it.

I had an appointment that afternoon, and I called the therapist to see if it was okay for my husband to join me. Then I called him at work to ask him to go with me. He agreed, and it struck me for the first time that he knew, as well as I, that we were in serious trouble.

We sat in chairs with the therapist between us and told or respective stories. For the first time, each of us had a chance to finish. The presence of the therapist had us on our best behavior. We may have been dying to burst in, correct or disagree with,

Getting a Reluctant Partner to Go With You to Counseling

Share that getting counseling together would mean a great deal to you.

Without accusing, shaming, or blaming, describe your concerns about the relationship and how problems are affecting you.

Assure your partner that you wish to fix the problem, not him or her.

Choose a counselor who is acceptable to both of you; ask whether your spouse would be more comfortable with a man or a woman.

Suggest a commitment to only three sessions and then decide whether to continue; or begin counseling alone with the understanding that you spouse will join when ready.

or belittle what the other said, but we didn’t. We heard the other out. That was a new thing and it felt good.

Powerful feelings were unleashed in a safe place.

I had imagined that the process of marital therapy could be rather sterile and tidy. We would articulate our problems. Then the therapist would propose some kind of compromise that was acceptable to both of us.

Then we would go home and have a better marriage. One, two, three.

Only it didn’t work like that. Instead we became exposed, both of us, in a way that we needed, but it was a little scarey. For example, at one point, I was asked to give an instance in which I thought my emotional needs were ignored. I promptly told about a morning when I had awakened full of sadness because of a very powerful dream I‘d had. I sat disturbed and frightened on the edge of the bed, unable to release myself from the nightmare’s hold. My husband was putting on his tie before the mirror above our dresser, and he saw me reflected there out of the corner of his eye. “What’s the matter?” he asked. I told him the horrible details of the dream, my voice shaking. He murmured something like, “Hmmm; weird,” and left for work.

When the incident happened, I felt

a combination of numbness and anger; and I felt foolish for sharing the dream with my husband. But, in telling about it in the therapist’s office, I found myself feeling only enormous pain, and I burst into tears.

“If you had just sat on the bed beside me for just a moment,” I said. “If you had just made some kind of remark that showed me you understood, if you had just given me some sense that you cared at all…” I reached for the box of tissues and was glad it was there. While I wept, I looked at my husband. What I saw was that he was not bored or disgusted. What I saw was that he felt regret and, in that moment, he was hurting for me.

Why did that happen there and not at home? I think it happened because having another objective person present can make you feel safe. It was as though someone was saying, “What she’s feeling is not crazy; she has a right to these emotions.” There was, in essence, a caring monitor there—for both of us.

We’re learning to listen to each other.

When it was my husband’s turn to talk, I heard him say more in 15 minutes than I’d heard him say in, literally, years. I began to see things from his point of view. I still didn’t agree with much of what he said, but continued on page 10

If your relationship problems are disabling you and your partner still rejects counseling, you may need to say, “We need to work on this together or we may have to live apart.”

Setting boundaries and consequences may be needed. familyworks.org

Winter 2012

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How Our Marriage Was Saved continued from page 9

I began to have an idea of what made him say it. What went on at the first session was not pleasant. It was not easy. But, it showed us there was a chance for us.

We also take therapy seriously and do our “homework”. In one instance, that meant spending very deliberate, planned time talking: One partner was to speak for a full 15 minutes while the other partner just listened and could not comment on what was said until the next therapy session.

The speaker was required to speak only about her, or himself. This exercise showed me things about my husband that I knew nothing about.

It revealed his dreams, his fears, his

disappointments, and his pleasures.

When it was my turn to talk, I felt that I didn’t have to rush or compensate in some way for my conversational content. He listened to me, and that’s all I wanted.

I find that my husband and I have come to rely on these weekly meetings to work things out and see the ways we damage each other by not acknowledging, appreciating, or permitting each other’s differences, like opposing views on how to discipline the children or what to do with our money.

A good thing about this therapy is that each of us feels that we have someone on our side. That speaks for the therapist’s skill, I suppose.

The best thing is that we have begun to feel that we are all on the side of saving the marriage. There is something that has replaced the nagging sense of despair that I had begun carrying around in my chest.

That something is hope.

Therapy and Life Skills Center Couples Counseling & Family Therapy

Winter 2012

We have trouble communicating; “He/she just doesn’t understand.”

We can’t agree on how to raise our child.

We need help making a major decision (e.g., whether to have another baby, move, or make a career change).

We need help dealing with other family members (e.g., in-laws, stepchildren).

We need help dealing with a major crisis (e.g., illness in the family, birth of a child with special needs, financial loss).

We are having conflicts in our sex life.

We fight a lot.

I feel suffocated in our marriage.

I’m afraid of him/her.

I don’t trust my partner.

• Planning for Play • Dealing with Anxiety • Managing Depression and Addictions

Sliding Scale Fees 10

We are drifting apart

I feel unloved or taken for granted by my partner.

Counseling, concerns, hopes and dreams, as well as practical and effective relationship tools are explored. The result is increased understanding and empathy, more cooperation and more fun in family life through: • Sharing Child Rearing

• Managing Anger • Managing Child Behavior • Resolving Hurts and Conflicts • Understanding Child Development

Good Reasons to See a Couples Counselor

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I’m unhappy in this relationship, but don’t know why.

Note: If there is domestic violence in your relationship, Couple’s Therapy is not recommended.

Therapy and Life Skills Center Therapy and Counseling Services Work with our skilled therapists to reach your goals: • • • • • • •

• Reduce conflict • Overcome addictions Manage anxiety • Reduce Domestic Violence Overcome depression • Improve intimacy • Enhance co-parenting • Manage grief & loss Regulate emotions • Cope with divorce • Cope with transitions Manage anger • Heal trauma • Increase resilience Deal with ADHD • Manage stress Enhance social skills • Access resources Improve self-esteem Home-visits, school observation and IEP assistance are available.

Family Therapy • Couples Counseling • Individual Therapy Child and Teen Therapy • Temperament Assessment Consultation Parenting Counseling • Co-Parenting Counseling

FamilyWorks Integrative Therapy & Training (FITT) “I hear and I forget.

I see and I remember.

I do and I understand.”

Ancient Proverb

FamilyWorks Integrative Therapy & Training has been developed over a period of three decades in order to help you and your family reach your life goals.

APPLE FamilyWorks trained therapists, utilizing interviews and assessment tools, will identify strengths as well as disruptive patterns that may be at the root of discomfort and frustration. Your therapist will meet with you, your partner and/or your family in our specially designed FITT suites as you learn and or practice time-tested and effective skills to help you reach your goals.

You will benefit from choices of many therapeutic approaches, including state-of-the-art technology, such as emWave biofeedback stress relief system, one-way mirror sessions with audio-visual feedback, and DVD’s to track and celebrate positive emotional and behavioral change. You will also benefit from easy to implement written materials to reinforce skills at work, play and home Therapists are APPLE FamilyWorks Positive & Peaceful Parenting as well as Child-Centered Co-Parenting practitioners. Triple P materials are also available.

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(415) 492-0720 familyworks.org

Winter 2012

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Therapy and Life Skills Center Parenting and Life Skills Programs Positive & Peaceful Parenting Course

• A fun, interactive course designed to help you grow cooperative, respectful, self-disciplined and confident kids • Refreshments, Parenting Manual and Graduation Certificate • Four Tuesday evenings: Jan. 17 to Feb. 7, 7-9pm

Child-Centered Co-Parenting Course

• An engaging, practical course designed to help parents living apart to parent more cooperatively and effectively • Refreshments, Parenting Manual and Graduation Certificate • Seven Tuesday evenings: Jan. 17 to Feb. 28, 7-9 pm

Exploring Motherhood Support Groups

• Educational support groups for expectant and new mothers (and their infants, birth to walking)

who want to learn how to increase the physical and emotional well-being of both the child and the mother • English-speaking groups Fridays, 10am - noon in Novato • Spanish-speaking groups Tuesday, 10am – noon in San Rafael and Thursday, 10am - noon

i n Novato

Supervised Visitation (S.A.V.E. Kids Program) •

safe, nurturing and child-friendly environment within which children can routinely visit with A their non-custodial parent

CPR & First Aid Classes

• A n effective way to receive a National Safety Council Certification for learning infant, child and adult CPR and choke-saving skills

Saturday, January 21 CPR - 9:30 am to 1 pm, First Aid – 1:15 to 4 pm

Developmental Disabilities Services Parenting Support

• Parenting and co-parenting • Positive and peaceful discipline • Childbirth education • Child development and family planning • Behavior management and stress reduction

Serving Eleven Greater Bay Area Counties

• Injury prevention, nutrition and exercise • Early intervention for postpartum depression • Household management and transportation • Development of social support system • Financial management and budgeting • Linkage with other services

Independent Living Skills • Academic growth • Behavior management • Stress Reduction Skills • Injury prevention • Nutrition • Housekeeping

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Winter 2012

• Transportation skills • Community access • Employment readiness • Financial management and budgeting • Development of social support • Hygiene and self-care • Health promotion and exercise systems

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Winter 2012

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Rules for Avoiding Intimacy

By Elizabeth Rix Fairfax

1

Always be pleasant. Think and speak positively. Never express anger or critical feelings.

2

If a conflict threatens, withdraw and wait for negative feelings to pass.

Don’t get angry. Just get even.

3

Keep busy. Make work, accomplishments, efficiency, and success the most important things in life.

4 5

Intimacy: … “close

personal relations, characterized by warm friendship, which are private or closely personal.”

6

Schedule your time and stick to it.

Limit lovemaking, conversation, and play. Time is money.

7

10

8

11

When you find something you don’t Always stand firm, don’t back down, like in somebody, try to change it. or negotiate.

When something goes wrong, find somebody to blame. Make others feel guilty and responsible for your dissatisfactions, wounds, failures, or lack of happiness.

9

Don’t tell others what you want or expect of them. If they love you, they will guess and do it without being asked.

Insist on doing things the way your parents did.

12

Assume you know and understand others better than they understand themselves.

Elizabeth Rix Fairfax founded one of the Bay Area’s first Divorce Recovery Workshops in 1975.

Never lose control.

Look out for No. 1. Be a winner.

Get ahead.

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Winter 2012

15

Pet

Parents’

Love

Can You Help Heal Your Pets?

A

by Dr. Harb-Hauser, DVM

s humans, we know our pets help us in so many ways. They provide us with unconditional love, exercise, joy, laughter, compassion, and healing. They are just downright fun to have as members of our families. But do you ever wonder how you help your pets? Besides the obvious -- food, shelter, water, treats and toys, how do we help improve our pets’ lives? “In more ways than we could ever imagine,” says pet parent Ann Krcik and her dog Shayla’s veterinarian, Dr. Marcella Harb-Hauser, an Internal Medicine specialist at the Pet Emergency and Specialty Center of Marin.

Here’s how the moving story unfolds: Ann and her 5-year-old Airedale Terrier Shayla were enjoying a usual day at Stinson beach. Ann would throw the ball; Shayla would retrieve it. This went on for hours.

When they arrived home, Ann wasn’t too surprised that Shayla was acting,

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stiff and sore. She thought they’d just overdone it.

When Shayla didn’t get any better and couldn’t control her bladder one evening, Ann knew something was wrong. After a trip to her family veterinarian, Ann was referred to the specialists at the Pet Emergency and Specialty Center of Marin where Shayla was diagnosed with leptospirosis, a contagious disease caused by bacteria-like organisms called Leptospira that can affect humans and animals. Leptospirosis prospers in stagnant water and can infect dogs if they drink contaminated water or step or roll in contaminated water with an open cut or wound.

Marin County is known as a “hot spot” for this disease in the veterinary world. There are several strains of Leptospirosis, but the most common strains shut down the kidneys and sometimes cause severe liver problems, inflammation and even hemorrhaging into the lungs. Needfamilyworks.org

less to say, Ann was terrified. After all, Shayla had helped Ann through one of the most difficult times in her life. Four and a half years prior, when Shayla was just a puppy, Ann lost her long-time partner in an accident.

Shayla was her rock during that grueling period and Ann simply couldn’t imagine life without her best friend.

Ann wondered if her presence at the pet hospital would benefit or upset Shayla. She asked Dr. Harb-Hauser if spending time with Shayla might help her recovery, or if intermittent visits might instead cause stress, and should be avoided.

“I’m a firm believer that pet parents play an integral role in helping their pets heal,” says Dr. Harb-Hauser.

“Just like humans, if pets are less stressed, they heal faster. When pets are calmer, they accept therapy better, so I encourage my clients to visit regularly and often. We’ll soon be expanding our hospital and have actually designed it to better accommodate visits by pet parents.”

Ann was hoping that would be her answer because Shayla had never been left alone. Ann visited several times per day. “The staff was so helpful; they let me sit on the floor with this 65 pound dog on my lap, and just worked around me. I couldn’t be more thankful that they understood my need to hold Shayla. I wanted to be there for her, just as she was there for me four years earlier.”

For days, Internal Medicine specialist, Dr. Harb-Hauser kept Shayla on IV fluids and antibiotics, monitored urine output, and gave 24-hour high level nursing care. Just when she seemed to be improving, additional tests showed the leptospirosis was now affecting her lungs and the disease suddenly became life threatening again. Dr. Harb-Hauser told Ann that they had done all they could medically. Other than adding in oxygen therapy, Shayla would have to fight this part off herself. If she couldn’t, she might die.

One afternoon when Ann was holding Shayla on the floor of the hos-

respiratory status now improving – it appeared as though she was now winning the battle. The very next day, Shayla was off oxygen therapy and on her way home to finish healing!

“We’ll never really know why Shayla’s health appeared to change in that instant,” says Dr. Harb-Hauser. “I firmly believe that Ann’s presence, holding her the way she was, somehow helped Shayla enough to fight the physiological ailments she was facing. She may have recovered regardless, but it sure didn’t seem that way.” If you ask Ann, she says it was love. Pure love. Ann’s advice for Bay area pet parents: “Show up for your pets. You wouldn’t drop your child off at the hospital and leave. Simply being there could mean the difference between life and death.”

pital, Shayla struggled just to take a normal breath. “It was bleak,” says Ann, “All I could hear were her lungs going clunk, clunk. At one point, I couldn’t feel her breathing at all. I thought this is it; at least I’ll be holding her as she passes on. I held her Dr. Harb-Hauser is a Diplomate of tighter.” And that was it. At that mo- the American College of Veterinary ment, Shayla’s health turned around. Internal Medicine. She practices at the Pet Emergency and Specialty “Instantly, she started breathing Center of Marin. She recommends again, normal, strong breaths.” Dr. vaccinating your pet against leptoHarb-Hauser examined Shayla right spirosis yearly if they are often active away and was surprised to find her and outdoors. holding her the way she was,

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Safe Driving Tips for teens One of the greatest fears for parents is an unexpected accident when their teenage child is behind the wheel. Sarah Robinson — engineer, Michelin test-track driver and one of the few female test drivers — teaches teens safe-driving skills. She also offers parents tips on maintaining a safe vehicle and how to effectively teach their young drivers about safety.

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Safety Equipment

Prepare the vehicle with the necessary safety equipment and an emergency kit. Cars equipped with stabilitycontrol systems, antilock-braking system and airbags help reduce accidents as well as the severity of injuries if an accident occurs.

One of the

Sarah’s tips for teaching teen drivers Defensive-driving Classes Practice is the best defense against accidents. A third-party instructor often can influence teens more effectively than the limitations of the typical parent–teen dynamic.

Instructors are trained to teach teens car-control skills so they can avoid or minimize accidents.

To keep yourself out of danger, nothing is more effective than being aware of your surroundings.

Steering Position

For optimal control, hands should be placed at the three-o’clock and nineo’clock positions on the steering wheel.

Tire Pressure

Parents should teach their teenage drivers to check the pressure of all four tires once a month. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 33,000 injuries and 700 deaths occur every year due to under-inflated tires.

Parents’ Role

Parents can play a significant role in teaching their teenage drivers basic safety. First, parents should be a good-role model, particularly when they are in the driver’s seat. Second, they should establish safe-driving rules and enforce them. Third, parents should write a contract with their children, signed by both, explaining the rules and responsibilities and dangers of handling a 3,000-pluspound vehicle that can turn into a lethal weapon.

Stay Focused

Distractions can result in fatal accidents. Using a cell phone, text messaging, changing the radio station or iPod tunes, or applying makeup should only be done while parked.

Speed & Distance

Obey the speed limit. Adjust your vehicle’s speed to match weather conditions and maintain a proper distance from the vehicle ahead of you.

Visit us from your desk top

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Camp Guide Camp Tam at Homestead Valley A FUN, SAFE, traditional, diverselyprogrammed outdoor summer day camp for elementary school kids. A variety of outdoor activities, including our own swimming pool! Creative, small-group program; we promote respect for each other and the environment. Teambuilding exercises, games, projects, and nature education with walks through the host of trails that surround Homestead Valley. 415-388-0128. info@homesteadvalley.org, www. homesteadvalley.org Camp Winnarainbow A sleepaway camp specialized in the circus and performing arts for kids, ages 7-14. Voted East Bay Parents’ Press 2011 Overnight Camp of the Year. Activities include trapeze, clowning, tightrope, juggling, magic, music, art, team sports, nature walks, environmental and multicultural awareness. Beautiful lake with a 350-foot waterslide, year round stream and lodging in tipis. 510-525-4304 www.campwinnarainbow.org Kids on Camera TV/Film Acting Day Camp Age 4-18. Lights, camera, fun! Weeklong camps. 31st year. Physical comedy, characters w/costumes, voiceover, film acting, improv, photo modeling. Build confidence. Marin, San Francisco, East Bay. We trained the star of Good Luck Charlie & Andy, Toy Story. Judy Berlin 415.440-4400 www.kids-on-camera. com $250-375.

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Camp Guide Marin Shakespeare Company Summer Camps We make Shakespeare fun! Ages 5 to 7, 8 to 12 and teenagers. Two and three week sessions June 18 - August 17 in Ross, San Rafael and Novato, including the popular Tennis/Drama camp. Each session culminates in a performance. www.marinshakespeare.org or call 415-499-4487.

Marin Summer Camp Fair Come learn about over 100 local day & residential summer camps. The Marin Camp Fair is Friday, March 30 from 4:30pm - 6:45pm at Dominican University, in the Conlan Gymnasium.

Academic & recreational camps for preschool, elementary, middle & high school students will be present. Free pizza too! Visit www.MarinCampFair. com for details.

Marin Waldorf School Preschool and Kindergarten Summer Day Camps, ages 3½ - 6 years (children must have previously attended preschool). Monday – Friday, 8:30am - 3:00pm. Three 2-week sessions available: June 18 – June 29, July 2 – July 13, July 16 – July 27. $515 per session. 755 Idylberry Rd., San Rafael.

415-479-8190. www.marinwaldorf.org

MARIN SUMMER CAMP FAIR 100+ Day and Overnight Camps

Academic and Recreational Camps — Full Day, Half Day, and Overnight Camps Preschool, Elementary, Middle, and High School Camps

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Chat with representatives from nearly every Marin day camp and the top overnight camps

TV/Film Acting Ages 4-18

Award Winning • 31st Year Comedy, Characters & Costumes, Voiceover

MARIN, SAN FRANCISCO, EAST BAY OPEN HOUSE 2/12/12 in SF Year Round Workshops 415.440.4400

www.kids-on-camera.com

Friday, March 30, 2012 4:30–6:45 p.m.

Conlan Center, Dominican University of California 1475 Grand Avenue, San Rafael, California 94901 Bounce House and FREE pizza and snacks!

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Camp Guide Campers Unplugged: Trading in Cell Phones for Unlimited Minutes of Real Fun

by Candy Cohen

Have you ever gone anywhere without your cell phone? It can be a very freeing experience. The trouble is that we have come to depend on our phones as lifelines. If you’re an adult, you can probably remember what it was like before cell phones populated the world. If you’re a child, chances are you can’t even imagine this.

Before cell phones, most of us didn’t talk to our parents on the phone that much. We spent the day at school, maybe followed by an after school job, and then we all caught up when we met at home for dinner. If we were out somewhere like the mall and had to call home, we searched for a dime or a quarter so we could call from a pay phone.

Summer Camps Build Relationships Between Parents and Kids

I don’t actually have too many memories of phone conversations with my parents from my childhood.

However, there is one phone call I remember vividly. It was when I went to a one-week overnight camp at age 13, and I got to call home. I was having a terrific time, but as soon as I heard my mother’s voice, I had to choke back the tears. My description of all the fun at camp clearly didn’t match the emotional tone of my voice.

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of an overnight camp, that memory resonates with me every time I try to reassure parents about our phone call policy. We don’t allow cell phones, we don’t allow campers to call home, and we don’t let them have computer access. I explain to parents that both they and their child will benefit from letting go for a bit. Sometimes this is received well, other times with apprehension.

We used to allow campers to call home halfway through each of our 2-week sessions. If a child was already homesick, they usually got upset as expected. The surprising thing was that many campers who were doing fine before the phone call, were teary eyed by the time they hung up. Our counselors begged us to put an end to the phone calls, and we finally obliged.

We fully respect parents’ concerns.

They can call our camp and talk to us to find out how their child is doing.

We’ll even have a counselor call back with more details if needed. Yet within this controlled environment, the parent

and child get to taste independence and even savor it for a short while.

AllowYour Child to Blossom with Friends at Summer Camp

Do you know what happens when kids don’t have cell phones, can’t use a computer, and can’t tune out the world with headphones? They make friends! They learn to look one another in the eye and talk and laugh and cry together. They learn how to read social cues, a challenge for many kids today. They manage to solve their own problems, sometimes with the guidance of a camp counselor or friend. And at the end of the day, they sit around a blazing campfire singing corny songs that will remind them of their camp friends forever.

The Hidden Treasures of Summer Camps

When parents come to pick their children up from camp, we’re very proud to put on a final showcase displaying all the skills the kids learned in the activities. However,

Camp Guide we tell parents this is just scratching the surface. The hidden treasures of camp will reveal themselves at home as their child continues to blossom and grow socially.

Camp has always been about friendships and independence, but in this day and age where technology is king and meaningful socialization sometimes takes a back seat, camp is more critical than ever.

Author Candy Cohn is assistant director of Maine Arts Camp, a noncompetitive overnight arts camp for 8-15 year olds.

continued from page 21 Marin YMCA Join us for Y Camp! We will offer various specialty camps this year, along with our traditional Y Camp.

Kids will enjoy sports, crafts, swimming, fieldtrips, nature hikes, Wii parties, theme days and more!

For more information visit our website at www.ymcasf.org/marin.

San Domenico Summers The best summers start at San Domenico! We offer full and half day camps throughout June and July, including: sports, arts, boat building, woodworking, academics and outdoor adventures on our 500 acre campus in San Anselmo. Sessions

begin June 4. Lunch and extended care available. Call 415-258-1944 or visit sandomenico.org/summers for more info.

Singers Marin “Musical You” Summer Camp Do you Love to sing? Do you watch Glee and wish you could join in? Then join us for a fantastic musical experience. Ages 7 - 12: Solo and group vocal instruction; Musical Theatre, Choral Music; Dance Instruction; Lessons in Stage Presence. 7/30 – 8/10, Mon - Fri, 10am - 4:00. Mt. Tamalpais Church, 410 Sycamore Ave., Mill Valley. 415383-3712. www.singersmarin.org

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We make Shakespeare fun!

Camps June 18 - August 17 Shakespeare's Stories: Age 5 - 7 Young Company: Age 8 - 12 San Rafael, Ross, Novato Teen Programs: Performance + Tennis/Drama Camp, Age 8 - 14, San Rafael

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Info: 415/499-4487 www.marinShakespeare.org familyworks.org

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