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Dear Pierre
Private letters to a practicing therapist
BY PIERRE DE VILLIERS
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First published in South Africa in 2013 by African Inspiration. Copyright Š Pierre de Villiers 2013. The moral right of the author has been asserted.
Email: pierresouthafrica@gmail.com. All rights reserved. This publication enjoys copyright under the Berne Convention. In terms of the Copyright Act, No. 98 of 1978, no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. A catalogue copy of this book is available in the South African National Library. ISBN Typeset in 12 pt AmerType Md B by African Inspiration. Printed and Bound by Quickfox Publishing, Cape Town, South Africa. Cover photo by Andrew Biddy-Horne. DISCLAIMER: This book is intended as a guideline and is not intended to in any way replace necessary and competent consultation and advice from a licensed professional psychologist.
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CONTENTS
Chapter 1: “A Honeymoon with a Twist”
p7
Chapter 2: “A Wife with a Wondering Eye”
p 14
Chapter 3: “A Victory over Cancer”
p 21
Chapter 4: “A Yearning for a Parent Lost”
p 28
Chapter 5: “A Single Mother Battling”
p 35
Chapter 6: “A Disturbing View on Crime”
p 43
Chapter 7: “A Husband who needs Sex”
p 50
Chapter 8: “A Youngster Sexually Confused” p 57 Chapter 9: “A Fear of Public Speaking”
p 63
Chapter 10: “A Business Lost Forever”
p 71
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CONTENTS
Chapter 11: “A High Libido Woman”
p 77
Chapter 12: “A Troubled Teenager”
p 84
Chapter 13: “A Concerned Mother”
p 92
Chapter 14: “A Husband Caught Out”
p 98
Chapter 15: “A Controlling Wife”
p 105
Chapter 16: “A Husband Retrenched”
p 113
Chapter 17: “A Step Family out of Line”
p 120
Chapter 18: “A Suicidal Teen Boy”
p 128
Chapter 19: “A Pregnancy Wanted”
p 135
Chapter 20: “A Controlling Mother”
p 142
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CONTENTS
Chapter 21: “An Ex Calling the Shots”
p 150
Chapter 22: “An Unfulfilled Mom”
p 157
Chapter 23: “A Yearning for Mr Right”
p 163
Chapter 24: “A Lethal Tumour”
p 170
Chapter 25: “A NO! to the Good Wife”
p 177
Chapter 26: “A Dream to Remember”
p 185
Chapter 27: “A View from Soul”
p 193
Chapter 28: “A Career that needs Change”
p 201
Chapter 29: “A Girlfriend who Drinks”
p 209
Chapter 30: “A Search for God”
p 216
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FOREWORD
It took seven years for Dear Pierre to hatch.
I would delete one letter for being downright pornographic - albeit true - while replacing it with another less racy.
Here’s hoping that you will enjoy the selection at hand and sample any chapter you choose.
Buckle up for a peek into a bunch of strangers’ lives while looking forward to feeling a whole lot better about your own!
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Chapter 1 “A Honeymoon with a Twist�
Dear Pierre
I was referred to you for some guidance.
I got married last year and a month after we returned from honeymoon my husband revealed that he had an affair during the time that we were engaged.
He said that it didn’t last long and that he did it just to be sure that I really was the right one for him. He says that everything is ok now that he knows I am and that he chose me over her.
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This shattered me and now every day I live in confusion and no longer trust him the way I used to.
Should I just forgive and forget and move on to put aside his infidelity? This seems so difficult to do. Sometimes I feel revolted by him. Is this normal? Would the right thing to do be to divorce him or is that too drastic?
Can a relationship really survive something like this? Please help.
Emily
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Dear Emily
Thank you for the information you provided. My utmost sympathy to you for what you must have been through, so what follows is some information to assist you with your thinking, knowing that what we think always dictates
what
we
do.
Your
life
is
your
own
and ultimately no-one else can take responsibility for your decisions.
My job is to simply put the spot light on a few topics at a time as to illuminate the way forward and amidst a lot more that needs discussing, here are a few pointers for today.
What we know for certain is that you are not happy. If you were, you would not have reached out to me. I also suspect that your brain might try to convince you that
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things might change. Think logically about the fact that what can never change is what has already happened. Only how you feel about it could, but I don't consider aiming for comfort amidst pain to be a good idea. It can only bring further emotional distress for you while forcing yourself into what is clearly not acceptable to you according to your own, personal belief system.
Our individual belief systems steer us all though life. It shapes who we are, how we view ourselves, whether we feel proud of the life we live and the choices we make. That explains the vast difference in behaviour from individuals in society. Some do what others would never dream of doing, because of what they believe in and who is to say what is right and what is wrong?
We can only judge ourselves according to what we personally believe in and this judgment is always
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taking place whether we are aware of it or not. Being loyal to what we believe in or our 'individual reality' as my colleagues will call it always brings reward. When we ignore what we believe in, misery always follows. It really is as simple as that and self explanatory in how futile another person's advice.
Friends or family will by default advise according to what they believe and my job is to remind you of what you believe in.
The truth is that what has happened will never successfully align itself with your belief system in this life and that much is guaranteed. You are who you are and should feel proud of what you believe in, knowing most of it was solidified at a very young age which explains the 'formative years' therapists talk about to clients. It works the same way for all people whether they believe it or not. It creates our future mould
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of challenge and reward as we go through life. We are meant to keep following the guide lines of this individual truth
manual
as
it
applies
to
us
personally through the way we view life and the choices we make to secure ongoing success for ourselves.
The pain of what has happened is severe as you describe it in your email, yet the total amount of pain that your current circumstances might bring should not be underestimated. Spread over many years, should you choose to remain in these circumstances, it could accumulate to being substantially more than the pain of what has already happened. You might find your health battling with your ongoing discomfort if you continue down this road, not to mention the ongoing emotional burden cascading itself into a range of negative feelings for you on a daily basis of which distrust is but one.
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My sense is that you have the courage to go ahead and do what you believe is right, irrespective of other people's opinion and without passing judgment towards anyone around you for having a different set of beliefs. You will no doubt know how this translates for you through pragmatics.
For now, allow yourself some time to fully absorb everything I've said and see how it resonates in your personal space over the next few days. Then we can talk some more.
Let me know how the above has got you thinking differently and please know that I’m sending you strength and courage for where you are.
Pierre
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Chapter 2 “A Wife with a Wondering Eye”
Dear Pierre
I have a dilemma and hope you can help me.
I have been married for seven years now and never looked at another man. I would describe my relationship as good, but now I am attracted to a man at work and can’t stop thinking about him.
I look forward to going to work just to see and be with him. I feel so guilty as if I am living a secret fantasy life. Not sure if I should make the fantasy a reality which would be so easy to do since I believe he feels the same.
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Is what I am thinking and doing wrong? I don’t want to destroy my marriage but my feelings are starting to get the better of me.
What should I do? By the way, I’m a friend of Natasha.
Charlene
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Dear Charlene
I understand the force of attraction challenging your thinking and the spiral of confusion that grows from there. Thank you for reaching out for help, bless Natasha for sending you my way and let's give you some peace of mind. You sound like a wonderful person who is guilty only of being human. This innocence as it stands is important for you to immediately focus on and to then tackle everything else from there. You have no reason for status quo guilt. We can not control what we feel and are therefore only held responsible for how we act on what we feel which you haven't yet done. It's always good to ask for guidance pre-action as you have, so credit to you all round for being so sensible.
Remember that whatever we think changes what we do and I will shine the light on a few topics for today to think about. If it helps, we can look at another few topics in a few days' time for you. Keep in mind too that nothing in life has only one answer, as it is always constructed through a multi-layer of truths as it applies to any one individual. The secret is to add up enough clues pointing in the same direction as to know what to
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do in life. Then stay open to renewed understanding of it all through renewed experiences that growing older brings and in so doing you will become a better person with each passing year.
You stand at a cross road beyond right or wrong it seems, with a case of two very different roads offering you two very different experiences. Let me assure you that whichever route you choose, you will find your share of both challenge and reward down either of these. The nature of mankind is such that whoever we partner with in life necessarily brings to the party a certain set of their issues and their pleasures. Any unknown individual simply needs time to display more of it to us, as I'm sure your husband did after you got to know him better. This will always be the case with anyone else you get to know. It's not a case of good or bad, but a human dynamic that simply is, always will be and it's our responsibility to keep it in mind as we go through life.
Let me remind you of what you already know, which is that life generally works in seven year cycles. Think about going to school for the first time around the age of
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seven, with puberty following another seven years later and eventually celebrating your 21st another seven years added to that. This is how life continues in adulthood when ventures we initiate as adults like marriage stand separate from our age in their own seven year cycles. Many marriages are by default reevaluated by its partners after a seven year run. It's normal and perfectly acceptable or even ideal to evaluate life. This is where you are and interestingly enough, you might happily carry on with at least another seven years of your marriage if you currently decide to do so I believe.
Use the power of logic to realise that you do not yet know the person in question beyond the intoxicating nirvana of attraction which is an altered reality lens for ignoring all logic as to fuse wholly and completely with another irrespective of consequence. Attraction is a beautiful thing, but dangerous in its capacity to make us act completely out of character and it's brought endless regret for mankind throughout history. Realise the force you are facing and insist on seeing things more clearly before you act in an almost 'drugged' emotional state of perception.
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Please don't let this last paragraph sway you into thinking that I'm nudging you back to your husband. On the contrary, I would like you to be as honest as you can when you (while putting any though of this other person aside for a moment) consider if your husband is a good person with your happiness at heart when he acts, speaks and loves you every day? You've had seven years' experience to confirm this now.
Deciding if your husband truly cares for you and realising that you will be forced to sacrifice this possibly caring person in order to pursue the magnetism of what holds no guarantees for you (and yet knowing that you are entitled to do so if you take full responsibility for all the energetic consequences it then brings), you need to urgently look further back than the age at which you got married. I'm completely going on my gut feel here when I say that I suspect your first experience of infidelity might very well have been at a tender young age when observing another in your space pursue it. It could possibly have been one of your parents or another adult that I sense you admired.
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If this is the case, you will find emotion being a time traveller in your unresolved quest for understanding why this person did what they did.
You could easily at this point in your life and with the energetic assistance of this new kind stranger find the perfect (but destructive) opportunity to experience the same scenario as the 'culprit' you observed so long ago. The energy exchange for this purchase of experience is paying with the loss of your marriage while gaining renewed understanding for the person you looked up to so long ago. What an unnecessary item of experience for you to buy if I may say so.
I suggest that if copying the former ‘culprit’ scenario applies (and please forgive me if I'm wrong and know that I always need to include all alternatives that could explain misery to a client), then you can exhale knowing that you've managed to see through the disguise of attraction and now simply have some urgent emotional healing to do with either my help or that of any other good therapist. Pierre
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Chapter 3 “A Victory over Cancer”
Dear Pierre
My friend Sandy suggested I email you.
I am going through the toughest challenge of my life. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and subsequently had to have a breast removed. Chemo followed. The nausea was awful and I felt depleted.
I’m very physically aware, so to walk around with no hair as pale as a sheet was the worst part of it all and nearly destroyed me. I use padding to simulate the breast lost. Some people suggest I have reconstructive surgery, but I don’t have the strength for it.
I therefore see myself as a bit of a freak and I’m always on the edge thinking that the cancer might return (it’s
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fine for now). I am very tired and some days I just want to die.
This has brought up so many questions.
What should I believe spiritually? What is real? Perhaps you have some advice for me to feel alive again. Sandy said you were a wise man.
Please share your wisdom with me.
Tess
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Dear Tess
My heart goes out to you for what you must have been through. I celebrate that you are alive and viewing you as tremendously brave, I have a heart felt desire to help you with all this. Blessings to Sandy for sending you my way and credit to you for asking for help.
What we need to immediately do for you is to ease your mind with a new way of thinking. Doing so will ease your body and your circumstances. It all begins with a different perspective and as soon as you think differently, you will find that you do things differently and doing things differently will rapidly bring a new set of circumstances for you. I would be out of business if this wasn't true.
My overall sense is that you are trapped in multi-levels of exhaustion which leaves you despaired. Amidst a maze of frustration and anger (which you are fully entitled to and I encourage you to feel comfortable expressing anger in an acceptable way to yourself and those around you) you must be feeling particularly
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deflated with life all round. I believe that loss has become your daily topic for living (which explains you admitting that you fear and possibly expect it) and it might have grown to a point of questioning if you have somehow lost yourself?
This explains the days where you don't want to be alive. I suspect that you find yourself with possible unconscious confusion (through the trauma that your body has endured) as to whether you are still present emotionally and able to be who you used to be. I believe you are exasperatingly trying to reconstruct your former person and this keeps draining your mind, your body and your circumstances.
It's time for an urgent and instant U-turn towards the opposite direction in your approach to who you now are.
It's time for accepting a new person. You are a new person through what has happened and now need to perfect the new you. Your body has forced you into a new persona with a different perspective on life (albeit temporarily trapped in the confusion of pain) and a
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different way of doing. It would be worth your while to think (and even list in writing) all the things in your 'old' life that didn't work for you. These are the things you now need to aim for doing differently as to see your life prosper on all levels.
I firmly believe that your body will reward you for doing so with improved health.
Our bodies are always talking to us. I suspect that you, being a woman, experiencing medical problems surrounding the female parts of the body can safely say that the body is pointing you in the direction of yourself. It was either not happy (uneasy or dis-eased) with how you viewed yourself or how you applied yourself in life. I say this with the utmost respect and certainly without judgment, but need to be forthcoming as to see your life improve. My sense it that you have struggled with self worth in your life and now find yourself challenged by it in cosmetic form, presuming that you are medically taken care of which I sense you are. Your appearance does not confirm your content. These are two very separate issues and to allow appearance to
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curb your power will be unwise. It will also set you up for ongoing self-sabotage, feeling that you do not look good enough to feel good enough. I suggest you do not consider reconstructive surgery at this point as to give yourself a rest. Make sure that you do everything you can to look your best when you get dressed and then feel proud for doing so.
Face the world knowing how brave you are and that you certainly don't need anyone's approval but your own.
For now, please allow yourself to feel any and everything you feel (pain, anger, sadness, loss, etc.) knowing that you don't need to spend energy acting upon these feelings. You simply (and urgently) need to feel it all to bring healing to what has happened. Then I would very much like to translate all the above into a more spiritual perspective for you sometime if you so desire, but sensed that you needed pragmatic advice as a starting point for today. I therefore sincerely hope that I've managed to start changing the way you think about yourself and let's
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monitor your thinking again in a week or two to see what has changed.
Pierre
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Chapter 4 “A Yearning for a Parent Lost�
Dear Pierre
A friend gave me your details for me to get some help.
My father to whom I was very close died a few months ago. Since then I have had less and less energy to get through the day.
Some people have said that he was my life line and that he gave me energy and now that he has gone, I have less energy to cope. I find it difficult to even wake up in the morning which has never been the case before in my life.
I feel dreamy all the time and unfocused. I used to be very focused as a person.
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It feels as if I am a completely different person and half of who I used to be. Is this normal? Should someone feel this depleted of energy after losing a parent? Is there something I can do to feel better?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Carol
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Dear Carol
You have done well reaching out and there’s a lot we can do to help you. Remember that what we think necessarily dictates what we do and my job is to provide you with a few points to think about in order to change your experience of life as it stands. The simple logic of this keeps me in business.
My heart goes out to you for loosing your father, truly. I believe you view things differently from most folk and therefore are dealing with it in your own, unique way.
Doing so is perfectly fine and keep in mind that those who try to offer support do so from their experience of life (which will possibly be the conventional way of doing and not offer you much in terms of your own personal experience of it all). This is where I come in, because I have over the years learnt to solve people's problems for them according to who they are and not according to the norms and values of society or even conventional therapy methods for that matter, if I may be as forthcoming. Then improvement is guaranteed.
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Be proud of who you are (no matter where you are in terms of who you are and always knowing that you can change who you are literally over night if you so choose). You evidently had a tremendous energetic connection with your father and express an ongoing desire to remain in a loving relationship with him. Where others will tell you that it's not healthy to do, I might shock you by revealing that not only is it possible, it is ideal for you if that is what you want.
Upon your father's death (and with utmost respect), his existence changed from human form to pure energy. You (and everyone else according to their understanding of life) are free to choose to remain connected to him in his new form. I can assure you that it is what he wants (having done a lot of 'crossing over' work for clients and the media) and it will ensure that he rewards you for doing so with an array of good things happening in your life. It is a tremendous source of power when we keep the memory of those we love alive. The problem is that you have unintentionally and understandably transformed your relationship with your father into a negative experience for yourself (as it stands) and that needs a complete U-turn from you at
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this point. First think about the logic of your father's energy immortally alive and always transforming which disables a prophecy of having 'lost' energy in your connection with him. It is semi-insulting to his energetic power, causes you sadness and altogether untrue if you think about it.
I suspect that you unconsciously view his recent experience of transforming himself into pure energy as negative (from an earth point of view regarding death) while in fact it is gloriously positive on a universal energy scale (he is pain-free physically and emotionally and a lot better off than anyone alive I assure you). A small example to illustrate for the brain to understand is to think of how care-free and happy we wake up at times, until the brain switches on completely and overwhelm us with an array of worries and concern and depression at times.
So closely connected to your father's energy, I believe you will by default align yourself to his feelings in loyalty and support for him. Viewing what happened as painful and negative prior to my email will thus ensure your own pain and negative living. At the same time,
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understanding it all a little better now enables you to (in accordance with your loyalty contract to your father) have a universally positive experience of life and to be set free to be as happy as you desire.
Keep in mind, that no matter how happy you become, your father's energetic happiness is still going to be more than your own. It's not a competition of course, but a limitless boundary-state for future happiness and success.
In short, we always align our lives to some degree according to the most emotionally intimate person we know. Even though your father passed, you still viewed him as your primary relationship for day to day life and presuming that he was in pain for dying played havoc with your daily happiness. You now have an opportunity to realize that he is not in pain which means you don’t have to be either. I hope this all helps and keep in mind that your relationship also affects him (it takes two people – alive or dead - to have a relationship). This means that when you are not happy (or tired) you could be slowing him down in his energy journey and when you are
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happy and vibrant, you propel him forward to where he needs to go (but never away from you).
Don’t unintentionally create a life of misery for yourself in loyalty to what you (wrongly) understood to be your father’s pain. Please let me know how you feel now that you see it all differently I trust and then we can talk some more.
Pierre
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Chapter 5 “A Single Mother Battling”
Dear Pierre
Nicola gave me your details so I was hoping you could help me too as you did for her.
I’m a single mom struggling to make ends meet. I’m on a small salary in a dead-end job that I do for the money only. I’m exhausted when I get home at night and have to deal with the evening routine for the children.
I do not have contact with the children’s father which suits me. I feel as if my life is a never ending cycle of survival and don’t know how much longer I can do it.
I’m grumpy with the kids all the time and they are becoming more and more difficult to manage because of
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it. The only time I have for myself is getting into bed at night.
Surely there must be more to life? How do I get out of this? I’m not sure if I should sell my house maybe? Is there a simple solution?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Bernadette
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Dear Bernadette
Thank you for contacting me and providing me with all the information you have. Bless Nicola for sending you my way as I'm sure you will do for others who you know once the inspiration of information has worked its magic. I love the fact that you enquire about a 'simple solution'. It tells me so much about your energetic evolvement, beyond the confining struggles of your person as it stands. It means that the energy that fills your body is evolved enough to remind you that often the most severe challenges in life are the ones with easy solutions.
Truth be told everything generally has a simple solution, but the problem is finding it.
Amidst the nucleus of all that you are dealing with, you will find your body and your brain going into auto-pilot as to help you survive. This creates the mundane spiral that has imprisoned you. It is a vital technique for getting through life at times. The danger is that it is meant to be applied as a temporary state and not a way
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of living, which for you it seems to have become. Now it is up to you to find an entirely new approach to life to see your life flourish once more and to set a shiny example to society and those around you.
It is vital that you now (and without judging yourself) start changing the way you think, knowing that when we change our thinking we necessarily change our way of doing which rapidly brings a different set of circumstances. It's true for all of us, so let's aim for doing so through this analysis. It is very important that you stop reading for a minute and feel the truth of this last paragraph hit home.
I sense that you operate on a different level than normal folk. You seem to have an innate understanding of how things work and find yourself particularly frustrated in a reality where everything is so limited, be it love or money. This is a compliment to you as I point out that you expect limitlessness. Your approach in fact aligns itself perfectly with an abundant universe, which I suspect is your core belief, even though you might be angry at (for a while) having found the opposite of what you believe in and not understanding why.
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Understanding abundance allows you access to it.
You are right that abundance is indeed the nature of our universe and those who manage to plug into it prosper. Others will continue to keep learning through their struggles and we should always love and support while not judging them. I need to point out however that your learning through lack is coming to an end. The fact that you reached out for help points to it, as your unconscious would not have allowed you to do so if you had more to learn from the pain of your current circumstances. We are allowed to change things therefore and your agreement to doing so is vital right now, unless you feel you deserve further lack which I doubt.
Shift your focus. I believe that through the conditioning of the body, your focus has unintentionally but understandably become one of lack and trying to overcome lack. That would be the same as worrying about your weight and fighting with it, in stead of focusing on being thin. You have to immediately and urgently shift a possible 'don't want to lack' way of living to an instant 'want to be abundant' theme. It is
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probably done as fast as you reading what I have just said, as the brain is quite capable of computing it in a single moment, when directed towards it.
Focusing on what we want brings it, while focusing on what we don’t want will do the same (as it has for you). We expand what we focus on, so put a giant ‘STOP’-sign in front of any lack-thinking from now on until it vaporizes completely from you life.
You don't settle for second best. I'm pretty sure about this point and if I'm right then let's decide that you can do a lot better than what you have right now. Let's also realise that it's not up to others or surrounding circumstances, but entirely up to you through renewed vision that brings a prosperous experience. Your biggest challenge, contrary to how it must have seemed for a while, is the unknown. Fear of the unknown is what you will tackle next as you beat your drum to a different rhythm of abundance while hoping that it's safe to do so. Of course it is.
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Whatever we focus on expands and everyone including the mass media seems to know this fact in contemporary society. With a renewed focus on income, comfort and ease (instead of living in a state of loss fear which creates further loss), you will find a very different experience of life in a very short time. I would advise against claiming the victim status by rushing into selling your beloved home, but beyond the immediate future we need to also ensure that you do not repeat this cycle of lack ever again.
Look at the past. I sense, if I may be as forward, that there must have been a sense of lack on some level for you growing up. Maybe the lack of love from others or the lack of support for whom you were. Maybe another avenue that I'm not thinking of as obvious as lacking money growing up? Spend some time to pin point exactly what it was. Write it all down and take ownership of it, even if it makes you uncomfortable. This is key to where you ended up through the recent energetic disguise of money lacking. We don't want you back there ever again. Allow emotion to surface too and know that the past is unable to return and hurt you for thinking of it.
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Let go of the past. Right now you need to express everything this possible past experience made you feel. Take your time and do so on your own and in your own space. Those who might be guilty of their actions so long ago now live with their own unconscious judgment of what they did to you, even if they are unaware of it. Focus on yourself and take some time to get angry, to feel pain (be it through injustice or any other feeling that surfaces) or just to be a little sad (cry if you want to, but please don't force it). Then start spoiling yourself in every smallest way you possibly can. It is vital and I’m sure that you will soon have enough money do so in far more elaborate ways.
Pierre
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Chapter 6 “A Disturbing View on Crime”
Dear Pierre
Apparently you provide excellent guidance via email which is exactly what I need.
A few weeks ago there was a crime related incident in the neighbourhood that shook me to the core. A robbery took place at a house down the road from me and authorities were alerted. The culprit ran from one property to the next before being shot dead in full view of both me and my teenage son.
I don’t need to state how upset we were and still find ourselves with emotional scars. I’m paranoid as a result and have upgraded all security around the house.
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I’m afraid of venturing out (especially at night and more so if it’s my son wanting to go out at night to friends), so I’m thinking of immigrating.
Is there something I can do or change on a mental level to enable me to function normally again? Any other suggestions perhaps?
Please be so kind as to share your wisdom. I will be much obliged.
Eric
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Dear Eric
Thank you for the information you provided and this is what I make of it, keeping in mind that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting which elevates your chances of happiness and success in life.
What has happened is no coincidence. It is divinely orchestrated by your soul and in your soul's utter love for your person, it would not have allowed these events without reason. It is my job to point out what the reason is for you to feel more calm and rational on a brain level and I will do so shortly.
Most importantly, I would like you to enjoy the simple logic of you not being the victim, but the observer instead.
Another was the victim and amidst utter sympathy for lives lost, we have to celebrate your and your son’s good fortune and explain it to him if you feel so inclined. You
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are both evidently protected through your personal energy of good intent and not harming those around you - which I guarantee will continue to protect you both as it cascades back into personal space every day.
As far as immigrating is concerned, to run away from fear never works because it will haunt you wherever you go I guarantee.
I've downloaded quite a lot of information on the work you have done regarding your understanding of life and in particular your own. Credit to you for doing so, realise what an excellent example you set for your children (you don’t say if you have any other children in your email, but my sense is that you do) and how they use you as a strong model for living.
Our work spiritually/emotionally seldom ends and that's why we keep living. Your soul is not going to prevent you or your children from the opportunity of learning about life every day, as long as all of you keep learning in your own, individual and unique ways. Keep guiding them forward as you so beautifully do and keep
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in mind that these recent event hold a new chapter of learning for you specifically (and for the children by them observing the choices you decide to make).
To not run away and rather face your personal demons at this point is one of the biggest lessons of learning you can teach your children by example.
Use this opportunity of distress to now find calm through renewed understanding of who you are, knowing that we often are whatever we were while growing up until we eventually get the opportunity to heal and grow into someone new altogether. What I mean with this is that I sense you had some levels of feeling unsafe or insecure while growing up, but I rely on your honest memories to tell me if I'm right.
Maybe something happened at a young age to make you feel terribly unsafe or unable to relax, sleep and so forth as life yet again is facing you with. It simply means that it is not yet resolved (from way back in your life) and you owe it to both you and your family to stand secure in who you have become. It is done by
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recognizing how vulnerable you once were (as a child possibly and understandably so).
Allow yourself to pin-point all the times in your life you had similar emotions as the ones you are now describing to me in your email, while knowing that your heart does not care for circumstances. It only cares for how life makes you feel and when it keeps feeling bad, it is up to you to make it feel better by connecting the dots of the last time you felt like this to the time before and so on, until you detect the genesis experience that birthed this particular emotion file.
We need to urgently address some of these past memories for you, so please keep pen and paper at hand (for your eyes only) and allow your unconscious/soul energy to provide you with all the information you need.
Don't force it, just write down any weird thoughts, questions, feelings, ideas and so forth that pops into your mind every day for the next few days. Allow yourself to think and feel any and everything you think
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and feel. Then, within as little as a few days' time we will be ready to quickly undo and prevent this vicious cycle from returning.
I sincerely hope that I've managed to calm you a bit through rational understanding of what has happened to you and look forward to hearing from you. Take your time, don’t rush things and just be as gentle on yourself as you possibly can be. Keep in mind that the happier Dad is, the more secure the children feel and therefore just be as gentle on yourself as you possibly can be.
Let me know how you feel and what’s on your mind in a few days’ time.
Pierre
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Chapter 7 “A Husband who needs Sex”
Dear Pierre
Tanya suggested I contact you regarding my situation. She mentioned that you have valuable advice and would be able to help.
I have been married for over a decade, the first few years happily and then my husband had an affair. He blamed my lack of interest in intimacy as the reason. We made a deal that I if I became more interested sexually then he will not have to find it with other women.
I tried but just can’t give him enough on a daily basis.
He broke his promise and started sleeping around again. I blame myself and can’t leave. I was not the wife
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he needed me to be. I now allow him his satisfactions elsewhere while living with him. We don’t sleep together anymore.
Am I doing the right thing? I’m too afraid to leave. What should I do?
Bianca
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Dear Bianca
I am so glad Tanya sent you my way, because there is a lot for us to talk about regarding your situation. Thank you for being so upfront and honest about your circumstances which I fully grasp with respect and compassion. The fact that you could be so honest to a complete stranger points to you possibly being a lot braver than you might think and also to your ability to do what feels right (by listening to your heart and then acting in faith), which will reward you in your future. I trust this mini-analysis will be rewarding to you in itself as a starting point.
Let me immediately reassure you that I am not going to be prescriptive, judgmental or drastic in suggestion. Always remember that anyone that illuminates options of doing for you, even the professionals, ultimately can not decide or take responsibility for your life. That is entirely up to you and you will do what you feel is right as it feels comfortable and without any pressure from anyone else but yourself. This all is very important to keep in mind as your future unfolds.
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Amidst a lot that needs discussing all the way back to childhood I suspect, we can immediately adjust your day to day direction with a few topics for this email and then we can look at some more when you feel up to it. For now, let's get you started towards happiness with a couple of fresh ideas for you to think about.
First of all, you have to know that there is nothing wrong with you and that you have done nothing wrong. You are not a bad person, or a failure or lacking in any way to find yourself in these particular circumstances. Circumstances do not prove who we are, only how we choose to act within the confines of our circumstances does. Our choices in life always reveal our true selves. All this is important for you to fully absorb as to start restoring your internal power. Then you will be powerful enough in time to know exactly what you want to do.
Looking back at your life, decide if you were the wife you wanted to be. Read the previous sentence again to note that I'm not saying the wife your husband wanted you to be. I'm not offering him guidance right now, but you instead. Therefore, married to yourself, would you
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have been satisfied with the volume of intimacy you provided?
I sense that your answer deep within is in actual fact yes, even though you have probably spent a lot of time reprimanding yourself in disappointment for not being what your husband wanted you to be. Being who others want us to be always brings misery while being who we want ourselves to be always brings success.
Your goal for a happy future is to surround yourself with people who support who you want to be. This includes your life partner, your friends and your family ideally and points to your biggest emotional limitation as it stands, being that of unintentionally forcing yourself towards being who you are not as to secure your partner from leaving.
It's completely understandable within the given levels of fear for the alternative, but simply remain conscious of the fact that it is not indefinitely sustainable. Something has to give.
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What has happened possibly leaves you feeling emotionally abused and traps you as a victim. Your inner voice I suspect will therefore keep talking to you until you ultimately find yourself having to make a choice between your own happiness and that of your husband. For now, simply be aware that you are unintentionally putting his happiness above your own as to avoid the fear of the unknown and that this all brings you pain even though your intent is beautiful and pure.
Loving others to our own detriment destroys love.
Truth be told, I suspect your husband's actions have in fact very little to do with you. Based on my years of experience, me viewing you as the sole reason for what he chooses to do is very unlikely. It sounds like an excuse if I had to be perfectly honest. I have worked with too many red blooded men who simply do what they enjoy doing with no thought or intent of hurting the ones they love and yet they often do.
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Use the power of logic to see that a grown man can not be told what to do and therefore is responsible for what he chooses to do.
In conclusion I have for now focused on your internal world (your thoughts and your feelings) to start restoring your life, rather than aim for practical action which will succeed only once your mind is in the right place. That's a good start for us, so please know that everything said is done with utmost sensitivity and understanding and getting your mind in the right place puts you on the 'welcome' mat of victory's front door.
Pierre
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Chapter 8 “A Youngster Sexually Confused”
Dear Pierre
You helped my friend’s mother Rose with some of her problems and she said that you could maybe help me.
I’m almost twenty years old and I have never been like other guys who talk about girls and sport all the time. Few people call me names (I enjoy things like art movies and cooking), but I still feel judged and ridiculed for not being a real man even though I’m not bullied.
No matter how hard I try, I can not get turned on by the sight of a woman like some of my friends. I am more attracted to intelligence and good conversation than sexy women. I am inclined to prefer looking at men and when I am out at the mall I find myself staring at men rather than women.
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Does this mean that I’m gay?
If this is the case it terrifies me, because I am afraid of my parents and my family’s reaction. I just feel different and scared and as if I just don’t belong. Is there some way you can set my mind at ease so that I don’t have to live like this?
I look forward to your response.
Jonathan
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Dear Jonathan
I'm glad you reached out to me via Rose’s family. You are someone who insists on being true to themselves. This guarantees you emotional success in your future and many a celebrity has used this unique ability of being true to themselves (even if different from those around them) to achieve fame and fortune. Feel good about your approach to life and know that I admire and respect your truth while you set an example to your peers to do the same. They will possibly first endure many years of suffering through life (no matter how ok they might seem on the surface) before they discover the value of simply being who they really are.
You have depth and an innate inner power that drives you forward. Your email left me with the distinct sense of you being older than your biological age, so credit to you for your maturity as it stands. Always remain as sensible and focused in life as you are, while making sure you balance it all with ongoing joy and fulfilment to keep yourself happy. Keep in mind too that you are meant to experience certain levels of anxiety at your age, because adult life is still pretty
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unrevealed to you as you haven't as yet educated yourself on a tertiary level and secured a promising future career and so forth. All this is ok, just go with it for now so it can unfold perfectly. Stand back a bit, so that your life can breathe.
Care less about what others think. What you think is all important and what others think is so much less important, if you think about it logically. That includes the people that you love, like your family and your friends even. Your life will unfold depending on the choices you make, based on how you view yourself as you grow older. Right now we have to make sure that this view of yourself is positive, in tact and success focused for the future. You will always find people who like you and others who don't and it altogether shouldn't interest you that much, as long as you like who you are. This is worth a fortune and other people have to find their own answers to their problems without you doing it for them.
What is a real man? Let me assure you that a real man is the one who thinks that he is, which means we have to get you to a point of deciding that you are. This is
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done irrespective of your sexual choices, the nature of your career (be it 'softer' interests in life) and so forth. I have helped many red blooded oaks who surprised me with their revelation of same gender experience. Unrevealed, it seems to be the norm in contemporary society and to restrict yourself through religion, race or gender for that matter in eventually choosing a life partner is limiting and unwise. It's outdated. See who you meet, who you feel attracted to, always practice safe sex with any gender or abstain altogether if you so choose.
Choose to love who you are whether you are gay or not. What I mean with this, is stop worrying about it. There's a lot more to life than the gender you feel attracted to. It will make you miserable to obsess about this topic every day and sad to miss out on daily opportunities for having fun, because you're occupied with constant worry. Beware of labels too. I always steer away from labels in my work, to give people room to discover, to investigate and to enjoy the journey of finding out who they are rather than stick an instant label on the challenge. Don't attack yourself in this way. It's not a good idea. Just be who you are every day while observing who you might or might not become the next. That way it's fun and all round
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fine either way if you think about it. To force answers never brings them, but to find out is an adventure and it's called life. Lastly, I suspect you've had a good upbringing from a loving family that did their best for you. This is your journey, not theirs. To upset them with unconfirmed possibilities of what might or might not be within a reality where anything is possible does not make sense for now. Allow time to bring confirmation of your choices to your door and even then, consider if these choices should really be shared with anyone else than yourself. It's intimate, private and as long as you accept full responsibility for who you are, you will then find how much you love life being who you are and this by default will mean that those around you will love you too - including your own family I guarantee. Added to this, my gut feel is that you are steering into a very successful future by simply staying the focused, kind and caring person that you are. Keep loving yourself more every passing day to perfect this winning recipe for success in life and others will continue to envy you.
Pierre
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Chapter 9 “A Fear of Public Speaking”
Dear Pierre
My cousin Ann sought guidance from you a while ago and mentioned how much you helped. I’m hoping you can help me too.
I started a new job recently that I wanted for a long time. It involves a great deal of group presentation work and the problem is that every time I stand up in front of the group to give the presentation or even just to talk, I clam up and begin to stutter. It’s severe I assure you.
Sometimes I just can’t get a single word out.
It leaves me so embarrassed, humiliated and I believe it’s starting to threaten my dream job. I remember this
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happening a long time ago when I was at school and had to do the same type of thing but I thought I got over it.
Is there some kind of technique you can recommend? Something else maybe to not react this way and in so doing preserve my job?
Hoping you can help me.
Martin
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Dear Martin
Credit to Ann for sending you my way. Fear of public speaking is as common as life itself and be assured that the majority of society struggles with it on a daily basis. As former university lecturer I had to overcome some of my own challenges regarding public speaking and ironically had to present chapters on it for the students, so you are speaking to the right guy. Added to this I was a continuity presenter/programme announcer on TV and thus had to face speaking to millions of viewers live on air every night for about a year. Terrifying indeed but it’s ultimately worth overcoming as to fully (and calmly) embrace the opportunities life keeps offering us.
Self-sabotage is the enemy. You wanted the job, now you've got it and yet (beyond what you are able to control) you risk sabotaging it. Not a good idea and we need to pin-point what lurks beyond the obvious. Could there be an unconscious fear of your own success? I suspect there might be from a long time ago in your life. You are going to have to trust both your gut and what I
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say to detect what's going on, because these unconscious files are beyond a lot of the brain's grasp.
Sorry to delve straight into emotional stuff, but this arena as you might know is the breeding ground for the surface experiences of your daily life. Change them and you will see how practical events start changing almost mysteriously to the tremendous delight of the spiritually more enlightened. We will however talk you through it all practically and logically and stay away from holism for you to focus on corporate reality.
The past counts. On some level you must have known this to mention what happened at school, even if it seemed unimportant while writing your email to me. Let's analyse this not because we are interested in your past per se but because we are concerned about your present which your past has cleverly formulated for you a long time ago.
Unresolved feelings from a young age always return to haunt us. It's a fact of life that the mass-media has caught on to and therefore we are encouraged
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to investigate the past of our personal lives. I see it virtually every day in the work that I do and it applies to all of us, so do not feel alone in this dynamic. It's easily resolved with a little open-mindedness and a brave heart on the client's side which I know you have through the evidence of what you've already achieved career-wise.
Fear of rejection is playing havoc with your life right now as it translates into paralyzing behaviour in front of an audience on the corporate stage. This is the short answer to what is going on in the moment of frozen speech. Should the company reject you from your current position, you might face employment predicament or even survival challenges and so forth which instantly (and repetitively) drowns you in fearing devastation.
This is no way to live and a corporate nightmare to keep experiencing. Listening to my gut feel however, I can assure you that phantom shadows from the past are chasing you. These age old files of those who might laugh at you or ridicule you or reject you are initiated every time you face your current audience. Your
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personal demon is a combination of both rejection and fear mixed with feeling judged.
Use the power of logic to see that this experience is impossible to be a new one and you need to urgently expedite your thinking to the genesis experience that birthed it all for you. Did it feel the same at school so long ago and have you ever sat down with a pen and paper to recall and sort out your feelings surrounding this event?
Life is busy forcing you to do so in order to stand secure in who you are and further climb the corporate ladder.
You have no reason to unintentionally and unconsciously attack your life in this way without reason for punishment (albeit in bite-size little pieces of systematic destruction) while hoping for the best. You are clearly so much more and can do so much better. Whoever told you that you were less than and not deserving or worth ridiculing, was wrong as you've proven with successfully constructing your life the way you have. They might have laughed back then (or
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maybe they didn't, but you were terrified that they would simply because you weren't yet the power person you've become), but guess who's laughing now as you bump into your peers from back then struggling with mediocrity in their lives?
You are clearly flying and will not burn your wings by spreading them as far as you possibly can in your work. All you need to do is heal a small and specific part of your past through a little bit of attention to what happened. Choosing to do so already completes about half the process with the instant credit of willingness to be successful.
Feel proud, knowing that most folk consider themselves far too weak to face their stuff and choose to rather live in the stale confines of daily misery as you will easily see by looking at strangers at the mall. I sense this will never do for you and your time has come to now secure your current position and your remaining career further unsabotaged, as I believe you deserve.
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For now, take pen and paper and recall as much detail about the school scenario: be it an event or a non-event (whichever the case might be, meaning real in how it happened or fearing what then didn't happen). Either way, do it and then give it a day to add even more detail which your unconscious recall will supply after a night's sleep. Feel it, relive it, feel it again and then have a laugh at how ridiculous it all now seems looking back while fully appreciate how serious a matter it was for you at that point in your life.
Pierre
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Chapter 10 “A Business Lost Forever”
Dear Pierre
I decided to take a chance asking for help. I am not sure how this all works, but thought I would give it a try.
My company that I’ve had for several years has collapsed and now I’m in big debt of several hundreds of thousands. The debt collectors are phoning me every day, threatening me and I just can’t pay them what I owe. I had an affluent life style before but the economy as it is right now left me without anything and I feel as if my manhood is being challenged.
I feel weak and helpless.
My wife expected me to continue supplying her with what she was used to but I simply couldn’t so she left. I
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am thinking of killing myself to activate the insurance policies I have for my family who I will leave behind.
Is it my only solution? Do you have a better suggestion? Really, I can’t anymore.
Please help.
Marc
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Dear Marc
My heart goes out to you for what you've been through. I felt prompted to help you so thank you for the information you provided and what follows is what I make of it. Keep in mind that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting which elevates your chances of happiness and success in life.
Confusion is your enemy. You seem to find yourself trapped in a spider web of confusion that has affected you to the point of not thinking clearly anymore. Suicide can only make matters worse I guarantee, as you will find the destructive force of your own energy in future energetic experiences holding you responsible for using death as an escape route from personal responsibility.
It is impossible for you to have accomplished all you have in your career and at then not have the faith to now get through it all. Your wife (with utter respect to her and you both) did not help with her lack of support
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(by leaving) and she seems to insist on living in denial. This must seem very unfair to you, while facing the daily reality of dealing with financial predicament without anyone to talk to. I'm glad you did with me. Every human being deserves at least this opportunity in life.
Be proud of yourself. Allow yourself for a moment to fully comprehend and absorb all you have accomplished up to now and ignore for an instant the temporary dip in circumstances. Feel how good it feels and how proud you stand. Irrespective of what happened, no-one can take from you the memory of what you managed to build single-handedly and in a country where you might not have had the luxury of opportunity that so many had while growing up. You are a man, will remain a man and need to face life head-on right now as a man will do. Do not allow your lack of spouse, your circumstances or the economy (which you can not control) to make you doubt who you are.
You are someone who will always be able to rebuild his life through many different opportunities that will come your way I guarantee. You might endure some hardship
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first sorting out all the current financial responsibilities as they stand, but will come out the other side stronger for doing so and wiser in experience while setting a good example to your family and the ones you love in so doing.
Be who you really are. I know of so many people in your position at the moment, due to the global economy and the pressure it puts on South Africans. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you have done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for the state of the economy or the amount of business it offers you. You can only take responsibility for the choices you made amidst it all and will probably find (beyond all the threats and pressure of those who do not care for your feelings) that there's not much more they can do to you now.
I'm in no position to give legal advice, so please check with your legal people to verify all your fears in order to sleep better at night. Right now, you can only remain as true as you can to who you really are while doing everything you can to wrap up the company and then leap at any new opportunity for you to yet again build a
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prosperous new life. From today, look around and invite new opportunity into your life. When things go wrong, it is simply life telling us to do what we do in a new and a different way.
There's a lot more for us to discuss regarding your personal life, but I sincerely hope that I've managed to give you some peace of mind for the moment.
Try to not allow your brain to spiral you into further daily confusion. I always suggest to clients (when the topic is as big as the one you face) to break it down into smaller pieces. Then take each day at a time and first compile a small list of things (according to priority) that need you urgent attention, before looking at the rest. This way you are able to systematically conclude everything business-wise without drowning in it before you’ve even started. Remember that we all learned to walk after taking baby steps. Do exactly that and soon you will not just walk, but find yourself running towards happiness.
Pierre
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Chapter 11 “A High Libido Woman”
Dear Pierre
A friend referred me to you for some guidance. The topic that I wish to discuss with you is highly personal and intimate so doing it via email suits me.
Please forgive me if it sounds too personal but I don’t know how else to express it. If I am out of line by discussing this with a complete stranger, please tell me and I will understand. It relates to my sex life. I have a high libido and have always enjoyed a lot of frequent sex which pleases my husband. We have over the last year explored a range of new things.
What started out as fun has now turned a bit obsessive, especially from my husband’s side. Some of the things we do like anal sex are very uncomfortable for me but I tolerate it. We have also
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included both men and women in our bed which I enjoyed but now he wants to do it more regularly.
Is it ok to carry on like this and if so, what will happen to our relationship and if we cool it on the sexual side, will we be able to regain what we used to have? Also, is what we are doing morally wrong?
Any advice from your side?
Samantha
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Dear Samantha
Let me shock you by saying how much I enjoyed your email if for no other reason than its novelty amidst the daily emails of bored housewives who on and on about their husband's career and not quite knowing how to spend their money and so forth (bless them sincerely). You sound like a wonderfully sensitive, caring, focused and in actual fact very sensible individual who is brave enough to explore and to find out who you really are. Credit to you for being as courageous in revealing everything you have to find some peace of mind which I guarantee to provide.
Not to sound like the typical therapist, but use logic to realise that morals are whatever an individual decides them to be. We all function on a different set of morals depending on our own, personal belief system that was created for you by the time you had your seventh birthday. It might be vastly different from those of your neighbour and so forth and all of it is fine I believe. As long as we always mould our morals towards our own success and happiness while not hurting anyone else then it's tremendous. Keep in mind too that your
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husband's belief system can not be a carbon copy of yours, even though there evidently is mutual ground for commonality. It is as unique as the finger prints on the hand of an individual.
I'm certainly in no position to judge your choice in life style and no-one else should. Only you can and should and I would like to point out that I include your husband, which might be a new angle on things for you to find answers. What I mean with this is that if you through shared moral perspective and experience suddenly reach a point of discrepancy within the two combined belief systems, then you both have a duty to decide what to do about it - without judging each other for having different beliefs. It's normal and it's natural for all people to encounter, even life partners. It brings an opportunity for you both to find out more about who you really are.
It should be interesting specifically for you to ponder by yourself on whether you view yourself as someone that would experiment with all you have or if you instead view yourself as someone who insists on it all as a permanent life style? I suspect the first of the two and
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this possibly created your current predicament. Now think which of these two apply to your husband and a lot more will make sense. Not everything we try in life points to us permanently pursuing it.
You already know that I'm going to remind you of only pleasing yourself. We are always encouraged to please those we love when it aligns with pleasing ourselves first and this equation seems misplaced in your life at the moment. Let me be more specific and tell you that to pursue anal sex for instance while desiring it yourself will hugely fulfill you and allowing it when not desiring it will systematically destroy you the more you allow it. Add to this that you have to allow yourself certain experiences at certain times in your life while the same experience at a different time in your life could easily be detrimental to yourself when you don't want it. Only you know what is best for you, so direct others accordingly. Always make sure that you are busy doing what you really want to be doing and not what another really wants you to do. You will find people so quick to point out what others are doing to them and yet I often find with clients that what they do to themselves is far more ghastly an experience as I'm sure you can imagine. You have to love yourself first and remember that every new day that follows in your
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romantic partnership requires a mini-stock taking for you both to indicate what it is that has changed about your shared experience and if a new direction might be needed. This is the basis of any healthy relationship where two people allow each other to constantly change, grow, expand and discover who they truly are.
Ongoing consensus secures the relationship's future and disagreement requires further deliberation. If both find all renewed information acceptable, then you have daily harmony. If not, see if an answer can be formulated that suits both and if in permanent disagreement then reconsider further contracting to a relationship that no longer functions as it should. I wish I could tell you that the relationship hasn't changed or that it can return to what it used to be, but both will be a lie if you think about it logically and for obvious reasons. Only you can decide if this fact is good or bad news for you: maybe you feel comfortable according to your own belief system to be in a relationship where the status quo way of doing becomes permanent (although your email indicates the opposite), maybe you feel comfortable to be in a relationship of experimental memories that no longer apply (this one might be you, but only you can decide) or maybe you feel comfortable in a relationship
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that in its entirety stands untainted in exclusivity which sadly is not the relationship you are in at the moment.
What is now required of you to be happy again, is to formulate in your mind the kind of relationship you desire at this point in your life, no matter how difficult the challenge. You can not continue in disloyalty towards yourself while pleasing others and wondering why you are not happy. You deserve so much more and are clearly so much wiser in experience, so let me urge you not to unintentionally create a future of misery for yourself by being untrue to yourself.
Avoiding action at this point could stagnate you into the phantom 'not-so-bad' confines of daily living where I meet those who need help desperately. Speak up, speak out and know that my wish for you naturally is that you will find a new truth of happiness with and in alignment with your husband's authentic willingness and agreement to support your wishes.
Pierre
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Chapter 12 “A Troubled Teenager”
Dear Pierre
I work with Richard from time to time and he highly recommended that I contact you.
My teenage daughter was raised in a stable, happy environment and yet she has always been sad, serious and depressed. No matter what my husband and I try, she just remains miserable.
Now she says that her life is not worth living. I’m aware that by telling us this she might not actually do anything, but I don’t want to ignore it and then regret it one day. I now live in constant fear and find myself watching her every move. It’s not healthy and it creates a lot of conflict in the house. I have done a lot of reading and know that there is a higher power at work.
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What could her spiritual intention be? How can we make her happy? Are there any techniques maybe that we could try to help her?
Any advice regarding all this will be much appreciated.
Edith
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Dear Edith
Thank you for contacting me and providing all the information you have. I do a lot of what I do intuitively, even though the power of academics should never be underestimated. My email clients enjoy the blend of me sensing a lot of their information for them and yet applying it in a clear and logical way according to my professional experience over the years.
Credit to you for caring and yet sensibly approaching life as well as your openness to a higher understanding of life purpose and so forth. Purpose applies to all of us and especially to your daughter at the moment. I like to work with people either on a pragmatic brain level or from a more spiritual perspective and will offer you a bit of both, sensing that you are receptive to both for your peace of mind as a mother.
Let me offer you some good news and inspiration (even though urgent help is needed for your daughter) beyond the surface of how bad it all might seem then. I believe that during her years of unhappiness, your daughter
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has now emotionally matured enough to stop living in misery. Having worked with such clients and specifically a young female in similar circumstances, I suspect that your daughter has simply become misery saturated (due to her coming of age) and now wants to be happy.
She seems to be conscious enough of her past misery and wants to do something about it but doesn’t know how (desperately calling out to you through the threat of suicide).
It's an unfair burden on your life to play emotional therapist and you should focus on being the loving mother. As it stands however, she has no-one else to provide her with understandable answers to all her unresolved questions regarding life. What we need to do to see her happier (and you less worried) is simply provide her with an avenue of help to understand life and then transform her into whom she wants to become. This is the suicide anti-dote and a text book example of a trapped happy child, I'm sure. Let's unlock the door for her to exit this emotion prison. She's ready to do so.
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Her expressing suicide translates into not wanting her old life anymore.
There's a big difference between someone's desire to die and the desire to not live the way they might have done for a long time. The latter applies to your daughter I believe and it's good news, as she is therefore ready and open to new information that will allow transformation of who she is. This is what my more holistic colleagues will call 'the journey' and I'm sure you know about it through the research that you have done.
When we change what we think, we change how we feel and this changes what we do. The simple logic of this keeps me in business by constantly providing people with new information. Be it a new angle on things or a different approach to daily living, this is what I do. I had to learn through experience how to apply information for people in a way that suits them (at any age) and sense that you have also done your share of self exploration.
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Your daughter's turn for happiness has come. Her opportunity for having a very different life through her perception of life has arrived long before adulthood which is beyond the norm. She has to be quite mature as it stands and this also explains her ongoing seriousness. Let's balance it all for her with more carefree living, so that she doesn't view it one day as premature adulthood in retrospect. You and your husband can then enjoy her more and have more fun times as a family. She will certainly enjoy living without the burden of worry, fear and pain.
Ensure that you and your husband do not view yourselves as guilty of doing anything wrong. Always remember that there is a lot more to misery than what our parents do. There's a tremendous amount of people who fill our lives from a very young age and it can be a complete stranger that during our formative years gives us a severely negative message. Hitting us with a toy in the sand pit while saying: "you are ugly" can do it and as children, we simply carry on not knowing why we are so sad and in pain. We don't yet understand the tremendous emotional damage that can unconsciously imprint at a tender age and all we know is that we don't like ourselves and that we possibly hate living.
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When we are old enough to talk about it though, we bring healing to the past. An objective stranger is preferable, because a loving parent will only try to make us feel better about ourselves as we know they should. We don't take them seriously and it explains the futility of you and your husband's exasperating efforts, irrespective of your beautiful and pure intent for which I commend you.
In conclusion I would like to point out that one often finds successful people in society having had troubled childhoods. Think about the logic of them being more challenged growing up, having to work harder and therefore achieving more in life as adults. All this is pre-designed on a soul level and your daughter now needs a little professional guidance to unlock all her emotional potential in order to shine as an example to society in years to come I believe. I suggest we get her to write me an informal letter in her own words (as if to a friend of hers), just telling me about herself, what she likes, what she doesn't like and how she sees life. This will give me plenty to start with and if we can encourage her to do so once a week, I can virtually guarantee you a happier child very soon. I also suggest email updates of our progress to you as to
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point out what you and your husband can do to make things easier for her along the way.
I trust that all this feels comfortable and has helped you a bit for the immediate to have peace of mind as a mother who has done nothing wrong.
Pierre
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Chapter13 “A Concerned Mother�
Dear Pierre
It is with hope that I write to you concerning my son.
He is in his late twenties and I have observed his behaviour over many years while wondering if he is bipolar. He has severe mood swings from being ecstatic to severely depressed and often all this will take place in the same day. He also has a lot of anger.
He has anger fits to the point of scaring the people around him and sometimes we get terrified observing him.
As far as I am concerned he had a perfectly normal childhood. We were strict and made sure he was disciplined, but gave a lot of love too.
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Is there some way I can test him for a psychological disorder? Does he need to see a therapist?
I would appreciate any help and guidance you can offer and I thank you in advance.
Angela
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Dear Angela
My heart goes out to you as the concerned mother of the son you are describing. Your reaching out for help tells me that even if his boundaries of upbringing were strict, you must have filled them with love as so clearly displayed in your email. What follows is a short analysis for your own peace of mind and then we can look at the possibility of referring your son. Thank you for the information you provided.
From what you describe I can understand you viewing him as possibly bipolar. Typical behaviour would include extremities of emotion and vastly contradicting emotions (for example elation followed by rapid and unexpected anger) in a short space of time, often accompanied by varying levels of depression. Having said all this, I have however through years of experience seen many a client that was misdiagnosed and simply needed to start working on deeply seated unresolved emotional issues within themselves that caused havoc for both themselves and those around them. Let's not be too quick to label his experience of
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life, but rather resolve it while knowing all humans have their share of issues.
Keep in mind that your son does not enjoy this roller coaster of emotions. I'm sure it makes his day to day life very difficult for him to experience and feeling that those around him do not understand how it feels, contributes to his anger. My gut feel is that he understandably might tend to blame rather than investigate, clarify and solve what he feels which perpetuates the negative spiral. Indeed he seems to find himself trapped in a vicious cycle of the same old stale sensations of feeling miserable with life within a single moment.
It is very important to remind yourself that parenting is not the only reason for unhappy people. Your only point for concern Joan, would be if you consciously tried to make his life difficult while raising him which would be shocking and I know is not the case. Destroy any notion in your own mind of you doing anything wrong. You did nothing but your absolute best while raising him I'm sure. Then allow yourself to know that amidst doing our
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best, we are always bound to make mistakes within our human imperfections.
It is guaranteed and perfectly acceptable, as long as we keep trying to improve who we are as people while growing older. We generally find renewed opportunity to do so with our grand children which explains why everyone loves Grandma or Grandpa (they've become nicer people than when they were young).
Focusing on your son, I suspect that we are simply dealing with a multi-structure of unresolved issues. That does not mean anything is wrong with him or that he has done something wrong. It simply means that he hasn't as yet looked at all the feelings and emotions which compounded over many years as he should in this day and age. We all need to and we are blessed to do so, because previous generations didn't have the luxury or the opportunity to do so, regarding all the help that's on offer today. He would be wise to urgently do so for his future happiness and the comfort of those he shares his life with. I sense that he would not only be more comfortable and happy with
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life, but that life will also reward him in return for being brave enough to look at what troubles him. In other words, success acceleration through allowing the energy of emotion to flow correctly in his life would be a worthy investment. I include career and financial success in this equation as I sense that he has a lot more potential to offer the world than he’s doing.
In conclusion I sincerely hope that this information has given you some peace of mind as a mother. Do not burden yourself with any sense of guilt when it comes to your son's choosing whether he wants to be happy or not. We have to respect his choice, but if he agrees to wanting to improve his life, I have someone in mind that will help him rapidly do so in a clear and logical way.
Pierre
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Chapter 14 “A Husband Caught Out�
Dear Pierre
Graham gave me your details after hearing what happened to me.
I am in absolute emotional turmoil after popping home from work last week and finding my husband having sex with another man. I was shocked and horrified and after storming out of the house took a few hours to calm down.
When I confronted him about it later he acted very nonchalantly claiming that it was not big deal.
He admitted to having done it many times before and told me that they never had intercourse so I don’t need to worry. He said that he still loves me and enjoys our
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intercourse but also enjoys masturbating with a man (who incidentally is also married).
He says nothing needs to change but I can’t come to terms with it. I don’t want to destroy everything we have but need him to choose. I’m so confused, upset and I feel betrayed.
What should I do?
Ingrid
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Dear Ingrid
Your email caused a range of intense emotions on my side, so I can but imagine your own intensity amidst it all. Graham did well sending you my way and I can certainly help. Thank you for the information you provided and what follows is what I make of it, keeping in mind that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting (which is what we are aiming for to see your immediate circumstances improve).
The simple logic of this keeps me in business year after year, so (without judgment or subjectivity to any party involved) I think that right now you might be questioning if you deserve the punishment of what has happened (and what has been happening without your knowing for a while). Only you can answer this question, but I sense you have done nothing wrong (amidst your human flaws and certainly not needing to apologise for not having a penis) which means you do not deserve to be punished. You must decide rapidly and urgently before continuing to read. Then use it as a starting point for changed thinking and continue to
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read what follows. When life doesn’t work, it’s simply telling us that we need to do what we do in a new way. Your circumstances are specifically saying that you need to live in a different way.
If you were happy simply carrying on, you would not have emailed me with all this.
That means that it is time for some serious reevaluation of life and the relationships you have. I believe the biggest theme brought into your space by recent events is abuse. See if this hits home as you read it and don't let your brain tell you abuse is only physical or verbal. It's not true and people around us causing us to feel less than we are always create emotional abuse. It's our duty to curb it.
Your circumstances (with or without your husband) will improve only if you stand up for yourself. This is the way abuse is destroyed and it's simple fact (whether we like it or not). If you want to remain in the victim status, then accept and accommodate and carry on. Alternatively, stand up, speak up and speak out. Saying
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how you feel (venting in a calm, rational way if possible at all) is vital for you right now to first recover and then to act (making practical change). It has to follow in this order to work.
It ensures sensible action after dramatic fantasies.
You are in energetic levels of understandable shock and should not act yet. You might oscillate between wanting to laugh, then cry and then feeling numb. Your brain battles to file the information at hand and your system is desperately trying to balance your sense of self. You owe it to yourself to help and it is done by feeling any and everything you feel right now (even knowing that you might be wrong and saying so to another).
Then feel lighter from verbally (or in liquid form from crying) expelling all this unwanted information from your space.
After (and not until) you find yourself less upset and more focused on a daily basis (don't rush
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yourself and take as much time as you need, which your husband clearly wants to provide) you can formulate exactly what you want to do to reconstruct your life. I will help and look forward to you feeling more powerful, rational and calm for us to do so (which you are not meant to be right now).
Simply allow the natural process of improvement to take place, knowing I have monitored it for you and that you are doing well.
Lastly I would like to say that I purposely looked at you and not your husband today. What happened put all the spot-light on him in your mind and the last thing you need from me (please trust my experience amidst possible curiosity) is to talk about him instead of you. It would in fact be insulting and insensitive to you.
Digesting all today's information (be it over night) and ready to hear what I have to say about him, I'm quite happy to do so at length. I will explain how I suspect it's not a gay thing, what it is and how it all works and what I think you should do. For now, focus only
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on feeling better as this is the most important step towards sorting it all out practically.
Drop me an email to say how you feel and we will take it from there.
Pierre
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Chapter 15 “A Controlling Wife�
Dear Pierre
I can’t remember who gave me your details and I hope you are the right person to speak to.
I have realized that I am too submissive and passive as a man. I have been married for many years to a wonderful woman but I am beginning to realize how she has dominated me over the years. Every time I see her these days I get angry.
She is very controlling.
I have let her make most decisions pertaining to the household (feeling that she is good at it) but it has destroyed my masculinity. I have a self-esteem problem as a result and need to be more assertive I suppose. The
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problem is that it’s very difficult for me because I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially the ones I love.
I hope this is not too unusual a request, but I’m tired of being accepting, passive and accommodating, so I need a new perspective from you.
Brad
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Dear Brad
You have done well reaching out and yes, I'm the person to speak to. Remember that what we think necessarily dictates what we do and my job is to provide you with a few points to think about in order to change your experience of life as it stands. The simple logic of this keeps me in business.
You are brave to admit your male passivity and let me assure you that it's a lot more common than you might think. Most men deny it, so I admire your being upfront so we can solve it for you. You have been married for a long time and emotional issues tend to return when they weren’t dealt with properly in the past for all of us. Amidst a range of different reasons, it's more important to not blame yourself for living like this until now.
Simply acknowledge all the suppressed/unexpressed anger (and other emotions) you now face. It is, I believe, vastly bigger than your brain feels comfortable admitting and it tones it all down to protect you. It
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fears what you might do when you see the full extent of it. The not-so-bad verdict might have been how you got by, but you can do so much better in life I guarantee.
Reassure your brain that you will remain the sensible individual you are and you won't act recklessly followed by regret when you start expressing your anger. You will do so in a perfectly acceptable way as I will illuminate for you below. Most importantly, you are not going to loose your wife or those you love. It is safe and needed for you to calmly further investigate. Sensing this on an unconscious level I suspect prompted you to reach out for help. Credit to you all round for passing life's test through your willingness. It's often the only thing life asks from us and then it puts everything we need in place for us from there. It's called faith.
I'm sure you know that every time you say no to another it by defaults sends a yes-reply to yourself. Unfortunately the opposite is also true, explaining your systematic (but highly accumulative) deterioration of self amidst the best of your intent which I admire and respect. We are not aiming for anything drastic at
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the moment, but need to gently (yet firmly) get you aiming pro-self again to support your own needs. Please make a big mental note that this is not aimed against your loving wife or anyone else.
On the contrary, it is aimed towards yourself (in a positive way), as there is a big difference between the mental health of these two directions. In other words, do not waste energy trying to change your wife or your circumstances per se, but in stead focus one hundred percent on yourself and more accurately on your new self. Doing so is the start of internalising your own, authentic power. You will find it within, rather than spend a life-time in vain looking for it outside of you (through people or events).
As with all of us, you have been your own worst enemy (not your wife, amidst her human flaws and yet contributing to your pain) by allowing certain behaviour from others while not standing up for yourself which is about to change through renewed understanding of who you are and why you were who you were before.
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In direct answer to your question of being "accepting, passive and accommodating", I would like to point out that these are beautiful qualities that in the right amount will continue to serve you well. You do need to start balancing it however with calm assertion and putting your own needs first every day. You will then mean so much more to those around you, not to mention your own sense of self. It really is as simple as your biggest fear of hurting the ones you love becoming the unconscious 'excuse' for not having to face the fear of saying no.
Blaming others rather than looking at yourself for answers never works as an approach to life (with utmost respect though, knowing that it's constructed beyond your brain). Ironically this creates exactly what you fear, when you hurt those you love by being less than you can be. I suspect your wife fell in love with you not because you were weak and passive, but because you were strong and masculine. This is who you really are (albeit dormant for a long time and in need of resurrection). Think about the logic of not having hurt her when you were more dominant upon meeting. I'm sure she liked it (even though she might not admit it if you had to ask her today). Women enjoy strong men.
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Anger will set you free. Unexpressed anger will destroy you.
These two sentences state the totality of what you now need to do. You will then find it a lot easier to say no to others in a kind and loving way while loving the sensation of loving yourself by doing so. Frustration and guilt will remain (as in your email to me) until you have vented all the anger you feel. Please do so rapidly, intentionally and responsibly. Close the bedroom door for instance and punch the bed's mattress with your fists (please don't hurt yourself) for twenty minutes or so every day while adding to it by screaming into a pillow. Alternatively, channel it into relentless exercise for a few days (go running or do work-outs, presuming you are medically fit to do so) and remain focused on birthing a happier, more assertive new you while doing it.
Enjoy your power and others will enjoy it with you. Suppress it and you will find it affecting your person, your life, your marriage, your masculinity and your career in a systematically destructive way.
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In short, it's time to realise you are angry only at yourself. Get rid of the anger (it's easily done) and breathe in the new you. That will transform your current experience of life and marriage. Ask your wife to give you a few days before explaining it all to her. Reassure her that you are busy processing your own stuff and she doesn't need to worry. Then enjoy your me-time and see how good it all starts to feel a lot sooner than you thought it would.
Pierre
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Chapter 16 “A Husband Retrenched”
Dear Pierre
My friend Trisha gave me your details because I am desperately in need of some help.
My husband was retrenched a while ago after working for a company for many years. Although he received a good package, it made him slip into severe depression.
He doesn’t have the energy to do anything in the day, spends most days in his pajamas watching TV and drinking. He is angry and miserable all the time and I’ve had enough.
I have tried talking to him and it doesn’t help. I have never worked and our resources are dwindling so now I
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am considering it. It scares me but one of us has to do something.
What can I do to get him out of his misery? Is it negative of me to just want to pack my things and run away?
I can’t really, so please help me with advice.
Jennifer
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Dear Jennifer
Bless Trisha for sending you my way and credit to you for reaching out at a pivotal point in your journey. I can certainly help, so thank you for the information you provided.
What has happened is no coincidence. It is divinely orchestrated by the powers that be (including your own personal and powerful energy field that lies beyond your body) to almost force you into becoming a new, super-sized version of who you used to be up to now. It is always done with love and future wisdom (amidst your immediate confusion of pain) and know that there's nothing wrong with who you used to be. You sound amazingly focused and sensible which I admire and further encourage you to be, but I know that you know you can be so much more in life than the lovely person you've been up to now and your soul knows this too.
Think about it logically to see that had your husband not been retrenched, you would not be prompted to
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now improve yourself and thus further explore your own abilities, gifts and natural talents for life. This means you would have remain stagnated instead of becoming the changed person that I guarantee you will soon be. Fear is your challenge (not ability) and we will ease it for you.
You do not have the power to change your husband. Without purpose in his life (and filled with injustice, anger and acute daily defence), I suspect he will insist on being the victim until he gets emotional help from an objective stranger in the future (not his wife) with no regard for those around him sharing the victim vibe until he does. You are not his counselor, you are not obliged to join the victim team and you are free to construct your own experience of life.
Get successful in your own right first and then see if you want to be with him. I believe it will give him time to complete the victim cycle, while you remain one hundred percent focused on yourself. Don't let your brain use your husband as excuse for delaying your happiness any further. Your brain hates fear and will do anything to prevent you from changing who you are
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for a few days, until it feels comfortable in your new approach. It needs a bit of time to be reassured that it's all safe and your job is to reassure it with your wisdom.
Fear of the unknown is as old as time itself as I'm sure you know. The only way to overcome fearing the unknown is to get to know it. Research has proved that around ninety percent of what we fear is the brain using worry as a smoke screen to prevent change. This is great news for you, because it means that a maximum of ten percent of what you fear might actually be true. For instance, a job interview might be ten percent less than ideal (which still guarantees the job) and the actual job that you do might be ten percent less than ideal (which means you will still love it) and so forth.
Use this logic every day for a few days to enlighten your brain while showing gentle care and understanding for yourself for not having worked for so long and therefore naturally feeling a bit vulnerable.
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Your husband took care of you for a long time and now it's your turn to do so for yourself through everything you have learned along the way. He is quite capable of taking care of himself once he authentically chooses to and not until.
I hope I haven't been too direct with all this. My heart goes out to you, but I need to empower you with truth rather than pacify you with superficial kindness right now. Please just know how much I do care and also that it is completely unrealistic for you to do all this on your own without ongoing emotional support. Practically you can do it, but emotionally I need to keep anchoring you in positively changing circumstances. It's my job to do so.
Do not let academic qualifications stand in your way. I have done an endless amount of different careers (from journalism to television presenting to tertiary education to emotional specialising and so forth), exclusively interested in opportunity that came my way rather than insisting that my field of study should apply to what I do. Choose to do the same while now seeing who
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you know, what comes your way and what feels right for you.
I sincerely hope that I've managed to calm you a bit through rational understanding of what has happened and look forward to hearing how you feel. Then we can tackle things more practically to set you up.
Pierre
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Chapter 17 “A Step Family out of Line”
Dear Pierre
I received your details a few days ago from a friend and hope you can help me.
After a difficult marriage and a divorce I met a lovely man. We got married last year. Everything is good except he comes with baggage. I don’t have children of my own and he has four from his previous marriage (he’s divorced too). The problem is that I feel like the fifth wheel on the wagon.
I feel excluded many times when we go out because he focuses all his attention on the children. Sometimes I feel as if they are discussing me behind my back. I’m sure this is not true but it feels that way. They share so many things that I am not aware of and wasn’t part of.
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I can not contribute to these conversations of the past and he often insists on being alone with his children. I then sit at home on my own while they all go out.
Is this normal? Am I being too sensitive? Maybe he doesn’t really want to be with me?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Lynette
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Dear Lynette
You sound like a gentle, sensitive and caring person who deserves happiness and my heart goes out to you for feeling excluded amidst your circumstances. Compliments to your friend for sending you my way. Please say thank you on my behalf to this person and continue to value this friendship for how it takes care of you. Thank you for the information you provided. Keep in mind that whatever we think dictates what we do by default and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting which elevates your chances of happiness and success in life.
My overall sense is that you are trapped in multi-levels of exclusion and understandable insecurity. It seems that on a logical brain level you have a sense of understanding and accepting a lot of what is going on and yet on a more emotional-feeling platform, you feel completely left out and lonely which I respect and fully appreciate if I had to find myself in your shoes. I suggest we see if we can understand more of how you feel, before needing to change the pragmatics of your life, which could only leave you feeling more insecure
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right now. I believe it might not be needed which should be good news for you and so much quicker to do as your brain will easily restructure a new view for you on life with my help today.
Try to find the common thread emotionally between your first marriage and your current predicament. I suspect that you might find (and please know that I do not point this out carelessly and without regard for the complexity of your first marriage) a common denominator. If feeling lonely, isolated and somewhat abandoned at times in your current life with levels of injustice, frustration and even anger I suspect, then chances are that you have experienced some of this also in your first marriage (albeit through very different circumstances).
Remember that your heart does not care for circumstances. It is exclusively interested in how life is making you feel and when it feels the same in a bad way, it is up to you to change it for your heart to feel happy again and to thank you through the good fortune it then brings to your door. At the moment it doesn't, so let's change it.
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Find an answer for questioning if you are loved. Where you find yourself at the moment in life might leave you questioning on an unconscious level if you are truly loved by those who say they do. This plays havoc with your feelings and trigger multi-files of insecurity for you on a daily basis. It must be a hellish experience if I many say so. Allow me thus to venture deep within the emotional world that lies beyond your brain's grasp for a moment to point to your earliest experience of being loved.
I'm sure you know that I'm referring to your parents or possibly any other grown up who loved and raised you best as they knew how. Even though these people might have done their absolute best, I have to trust my gut in telling you that I suspect you somehow felt some of what you feel in life at the moment, but I'm pretty sure you had no idea why as a young girl. It's time for us to figure it out, to prevent these ongoing vicious cycles of feeling unimportant to others. You are important and should display that in life.
Time to face pragmatics and it is so important for you to formulate what you find acceptable and what not
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when it comes to anyone else in your life. Self doubt is the enemy and you have to fully trust your gut and your logic with what you find right and what you find wrong. Know that you might be wrong, but even so it is far more detrimental to you to ignore what you feel and simply accept inappropriate behaviour from others. Then you become your own worst enemy while blaming others for how you feel. Rather speak up, speak out, say that you might be wrong but always express what you feel to those who are making you uncomfortable.
It is not for me to judge, but I have to say how concerned your ongoing rejection to family outings for example makes me feel whatever the excuse for it may be. It's thoughtless, hurtful and insulting to you irrespective of the explanation for it that justifies this kind of neglect to those who construct it. I'm sure they have good intent and are possibly unaware of your feeling abandoned, neglected, deserted or victimised, but you are not a young girl anymore who has to accept in order to survive circumstances. Step family becomes real family once married, everyone knows this and should act accordingly.
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Decide what you want circumstances to be, change them as you go through life (knowing you are entitled) and get those who claim to love you to fully endorse your needs. Make sure you insist on all this to show your heart how much you love your own wisdom, yourself, life and all the good fortune it will then reward you with.
For now, please allow yourself to feel more secure knowing that it is up to you to enlighten others on how to make you happy and be willing to do the same for them when it comes to their needs. Don't rush things, but see if and how things change depending on your directing those around you. Then you can be happier, others will enjoy being with you more when you are happy and it will leave you altogether true to yourself while staying blessed and setting an example to society for not accepting neglect or abuse.
Please consider pin-pointing some of the things you remember feeling growing up and then do a short summary (as you did today) for us to discuss via email. You are welcome to use any term from my analysis to trigger your memory files. I sincerely hope that
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I've managed to start changing the way you think about yourself and let's monitor your thinking again in a few days' time to see what has changed.
Pierre
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Chapter 18 “A Suicidal Teen Boy”
Dear Pierre
Mandy gave me your details and said you were the one person who can help my son.
He’s always been introvert and into puberty it became worse. suicide last year but fortunately time. After a few weeks he tried much and is difficult to talk to.
anti-social, but going He tried to commit we found him just in again. He doesn’t say
He doesn’t provide any specifics and we battle to help. He seems to be in his own world and his psychologists seem to be at a loss.
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How do I get him to just enjoy life and to live? Is there anything you can suggest so that I can help him? How do we change his attitude to life?
We are all on the edge waiting for him to try suicide again.
I can not express what it would mean to me if you were somehow able to help.
Yvonne
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Dear Yvonne
Your email deeply touched me and amidst a range of intense emotions from my side, I can only imagine your pain as well as your son's.
Keep in mind (as you read my email) that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting. The simple logic of this keeps me in business year after year, so what follows is what I make of it (without judgment or subjectivity to any party involved and with full intent of curbing your circumstantially abused emotions).
Your son's life might very well be in danger if he doesn't receive the uniquely individual help he needs.
Two attempts are pushing the envelope and it's simultaneously a tremendously unfair burden for you as a mother to live with. It destroys all joy from your daily life as it stands and I suspect that even the smallest part of what might make you happy
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is unintentionally rejected the moment you remember that he is not happy (meaning you are not allowed happiness either). This cycle has to be broken and I believe it will only improve for you once his life improves, rendering it vitally urgent to do so (as I will discuss in conclusion to my analysis for today).
Let's keep talking about you.
Without blaming anyone (certainly not your son who is in crisis or you for caring), your circumstances locks you into the victim status as it stands and my concern is that you unconsciously could feel that you support the one you love who is also a victim.
This doubles the problem and it's a lie for your suffering in no way alleviates the suffering of your son. It's a separate issue. On the contrary, you being strong, powerful and fulfilled keeps setting an example to him on a daily basis that life is indeed worth living. You depressed and worried in his presence (with the best of your beautiful intent for showing your
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understanding) does the opposite. It's dangerous for you to do.
Keep an eye on sabotaging your own happiness in loyalty towards your son. It's a negative prophecy and I sense you are much too wise to allow it, once I point it out (which is good news and will bring you certain levels of emotional exhale immediately). Added to this, "waiting for him to try suicide again" makes perfect sense, but (with utmost respect and sensitivity) is not helping. It does exactly what it says (it worries me in what it can create unconsciously) and you might want to change it from today to "waiting for him to get help" which holds a lot more positive power and less pain (in its prediction) for all parties involved. I'm sure you agree.
It's good to hear he is seeing professionals but you have already confirmed that it is not producing the required results and therefore you might want to consider an alternative/added avenue for helping him. I have no doubt that I can help him myself in record time (I work fast), but can't accommodate any more clients in person. We have two choices. I can help him
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via email (which he might prefer, viewing it as more 'safe') or referring him to a trusted colleague who doesn't follow tradition either (knowing it's not working for your son at present).
Any suggestions from you as a mother will be tremendous as I sense a deeply innate understanding of life in your energy field.
I'm hardly the conventional therapist, with a prior television/acting and modeling career. Teenagers somehow keep viewing me as 'in' and easily relate which enables me to change their lives as I did at university level for many. A "known-life-skillsguy" is non-threatening and self-explanatory in meaning to get him curious enough I suspect. I sense he is not going to reveal his inner self to (subjective) family members, fearing that he will be judged (so don't waste your energy trying) which is understandable.
Encourage him to rather talk to an objective stranger via email (I'll send him my pic, so he can put a face to it), then possibly insist as a parent that he tries it at
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least once before allowing him to choose if he wants to continue. No obligation guaranteed and I need only one email to change his view on life I assure you. Allow me to quote: "I've emailed this guy who Mandy told me about and he wants to know the single most important thing that makes you unhappy. He's keen to hear and says you should email him. His name is Pierre."
Then check in a day's time if he has and insist that he does until he does. I will take it from there. Let me know how you feel about all this (also your own mental health as it stands) and we can take it from there. Let's vow to not give up on happiness (for both you and your son) until we have conquered. Then we will - very shortly.
Pierre
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Chapter 19 “A Pregnancy Wanted”
Dear Pierre
I am not sure if you are able to help me but I have been told that you very good with what you do.
My problem is a personal one that has been weighing heavily on me for some time. My husband and I have been trying for years to have a baby and with no luck, I did fall pregnant once (but did not give birth) proving the doctors wrong.
We can’t afford in vitro and have tried all the other kinds of remedies out there.
The problem is that the situation depresses me every day and I can’t seem to focus on much else. I make mistakes at work and am miserable to my husband
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when I’m home. He wants to just give it all up so we can be happy again, but I refuse to give up hope.
Is there anything you can suggest? Anything spiritual perhaps? I have to get out of this situation and fall pregnant. I have to.
I know this is a strange request but any suggestions will be much appreciate.
Michelle
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Dear Michelle
My heart goes out to you for feeling frustrated with falling pregnant. I believe you don't, but still, please keep an eye on not unintentionally thinking you might be punished through not falling pregnant. This is not the case (pain and punishment are different things - the first positive in how it makes us grow at times and the second negative and destructive as I'm sure you know). There is a specific reason for your predicament that I will gladly illuminate for you shortly. First of all, I have to give you credit for who you are and point out how you live with beautiful intent. This sets an example for those around you to do the same (specifically at work I sense where other people observe you without you even knowing that they do).
Individuals such as yourself keep imprinting a new and different model for living into society that ultimately helps heal the world of its sorrows. Thank you on behalf of your soul and blessings to your husband who adores you and look up to you for a variety of reasons. Knowing that you are not being punished enables you to operate beyond the victim status, where you have
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unlimited power for renewed understanding therefore renewed success in your life.
and
Your circumstances are saying to you that you need to do things in a different way from normal folk and this is a compliment to you. If you were just another carbon copy of the neighbours (with love to them), you would've had a string of children by now (with utmost respect and compassion), but you are unique in your person. I'm sure this resonates for you looking back at your life and possibly remembering times where you had to do things in you own way and different from others as to achieve. Your current pregnancy predicament is in alignment with those times and a different approach is needed altogether. In fact, a complete U-turn from what you've been doing and your husband will enjoy hearing that (in a sense, be it unconscious) he was right.
Your (understandable) obsession with procreating is preventing it from happening. Easier than it sounds I assure you, the quicker you stop spiraling out of control because of what you don't have, the quicker you will have it. I have seen it in action with many a client over the years and ironically, I always use a young mother
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who wants to fall pregnant and can't as an example to others for whatever they might be unintentionally 'blocking' from entering their lives (be it a promotion at work, meeting the perfect partner, etc.).
Trusting your gut feel while reading the information above to see if it fits and settles comfortably into your space, I will explain why. The answer lies in your further understanding the nature of energy in an unemotive, never-blaming-or-judging-kind-of-way. Energy simply is what it is and when we align with it we prosper. At the same time we suffer when we don’t. Keep in mind how insistent the brain can be terrified in its vulnerable, mortal state about the size of an ant (compared to your soul) when it wants something to happen. Then compare it with your personal energy field or your soul that extends from your body about the size of an elephant compared to the ant. It never competes with the ant, because it doesn't need to due to its immortal all-powerful state. This leaves you (when you were writing to me) trapped between the two as a person and your brain spins out of control. It destroys your daily joy as if you have no life beyond falling pregnant and leaves you unfulfilled. This guarantees less chance of falling pregnant (because
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your soul holds the key to new life - not your brain - and is not about to hand it to you under duress). Note that the brain can only compute one, single topic at a time, as you know and unable to compute you not falling pregnant, it torments you by default until you tell it to stop which I guarantee it will if you do so right now while pausing from reading for a moment.
Feeling more calm I suspect, you will have to keep doing what you've just done for a few days or so to firmly take charge of your brain which prevented your pregnancy. Ease it at the same time by reminding yourself that energy works in ratios of persist and resist. What we insist upon in life (persist) will naturally not happen (resist). Profoundly less expensive than vitro procedures and notably less exhausting than a range of remedies, you need to stop wanting it to the point of preventing it. It's detrimental and unnecessary.
Use logic to see that you are quite capable of conceiving, but do not allow the energetic force of the brain to damage your pregnancy next time. Keep focusing on every other good thing in your life while pregnant as to add a child to your already beautiful life. For now (if I
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may be as direct) you are urged to re-enjoy your wonderful husband. Please do not ever use his body to procreate only (without the emotional enjoyment of who he is when physically connected). It's a sacrilege and semi-insulting to him on an unconscious level. Remember that he is human (a man with feelings), not a mechanical reproduction system and deserves your love.
Whatever we want in life needs to be stated and then left to grow. Drop it, give it space and see it happen. I sincerely hope that I've managed to calm you a bit through rational understanding of what has happened to you and look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Pierre
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Chapter 20 “A Controlling Mother�
Dear Pierre
Garreth suggested I contact you with regards to my mother. He says you made a big difference in his life, so I’m hoping you can do the same for me.
My mother is retired and has been a very difficult person all her life. Dad left when I was very young and she has been bitter and angry ever since. I tolerated it for many years and in puberty things got really bad between us.
She is very controlling and uses emotional blackmail to get me to do what she wants me to do.
A few years ago she moved in with my family which is not what I wanted. I had little choice at the time and
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thus allowed it. I have to admit that it’s been a disaster of note ever since and she rules us all with an iron fist (even though it’s not her house that she lives in but ours).
My family and I have had enough.
Is there something I can do to change our lives? How do I get her out of our space? What am I supposed to do with this guilt-ridden problem?
Please help.
Clarissa
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Dear Clarissa
There is so much I need to say to you that I almost don't know where to start. I don't as a rule feel the intense passion of helping someone as much as I do looking at your email, so I guarantee you that I will.
Urgent change is needed. You will find my answering you (while feeling so much compassion and understanding for your torment) rather factually - to save you time and money (for doing several analysis to resolve one issue) and to solve this complicated and utterly manipulative nightmare for all parties involved. I include your mother (with love towards her I assure you), who needs to 'leave the nest' of others tolerating her inappropriate behaviour. It's overdue and further accommodating her in fact holds her back in life amidst a naive and incorrect perception of it all on her side. My heart goes out not just to you, but to your dear husband and your beautiful children.
They are in daily jeopardy and you are the person they look up to for 'saving' them from this emotion horror.
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My gut feel tells me what a sterling individual you are, as I have over time learnt to instantly sense people's energy and intent and get a brilliant feel for both you and your husband as decent human beings that set a good example for living to society. With this in mind I would like you to allow him perusal of this email if you feel comfortable in so doing. The reason is that he can then serve as a sound board to you and help you matrix your choices as you go through the process of standing up to Mom in a loving way while regaining your own, authentic power which she (albeit unintentionally) have robbed you off since a young age I suspect.
Allow me to point out the obvious position of power you hold regarding the pragmatics of her living conditions (she is after all under your roof because of your mercy). Her 'hold' over you is purely emotional, so changing that (as I will do in a moment) leaves you all-powerful. Let's celebrate this fact.
Philo-genetics as field of study prescribes that unresolved family issues are often passed down from one generation to the next similar to passing down physical genetics. In simple English it means that the
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study of emotional baggage in the same blood line often finds that not just 'uncle's knock-knees' or 'aunt's beautiful golden hair' are passed on the next generation, but also 'dad's stubbornness' or 'mom's depression'.
It's fascinating stuff and I won't bore you with the academic detail beyond the fact that this dynamic evidently is taking place under your own roof. Your time for being the hero to save those who are completely innocent and unjustly damaged (your children) is waiting for you to break this negative prophecy once and for all for their children and their children to come and so forth. I believe on some level you knew this when speaking to Garreth and found yourself drawn to reach out to me to help you do it. It's how things work and rather mystical at times I assure you. I do it all in faith and frankly, it's easily done if you allow truth to speak to your heart while you read what I say next.
Trusting my experience over the years, I believe Mom has been blaming you on an unconscious level for a long time for Dad leaving. This in itself gives her the
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justification of treating you as the culprit which I suspect has been the case for most of your life. That leaves you the victim who had to face tremendous selfworth issues and a life-time of realising that you do not deserve punishment for what someone else did (Dad).
Interesting that on a pure energy level, you are the product of creation by combining half her energy with half of Dad's (naturally - when using two people to procreate off-spring) which means that when Dad leaves, she keeps seeing half of him in you when looking at you and makes that (be it unintentional and not being able to help herself) the target of her anger. It's completely abusive and utterly unacceptable to allow her to keep doing so after many decades of injustice to you (which I sense she still does when viewing your husband and children as further extensions of you and therefore including them all individually in her anger). If only someone could tell her that 'anger is the poison we drink hoping someone else will die'. It never works.
I'm going to be extremely blunt when I point out (with respect) that she must hate her life, even though she
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might never admit it to anyone else and least of all to herself. She has spent a life-time livid with how little power she holds and therefore has to manipulate the remaining few people who still care (I'm guessing that you have seen a lot of her friends vanish as fast as they appear when they run from her abusive approach to life) as much as she can.
The really sad truth of life is that her only chance of becoming a better person and healing the tremendous pain she must have experienced emotionally while alive is only once she hits rock-bottom and not before. I guarantee it. Until then, her only way of surviving emotionally and getting by is to make sure everyone hates their lives as much as she does hers. She will continue to exasperatingly make this her goal, compelled to do so (while not knowing why) and unable to stop herself. She has to leave the physical space of those you hold dear (your husband, your children and most importantly yourself) to know you have done the right thing.
I would advise you to not use money as excuse for stagnating in misery. It’s unwise. Life always supports
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us (also financially) when we do what is right and soon you should find your investment returning. She has constructed her own life and you are not responsible for her. She gave you life because she chose to and not because you asked her to. Now comes your time to give her the gift of independence in whatever way you and your husband can afford by placing her in a home or a place of her own. You are encouraged to be brave and courageous in deciding what you want to do, so let me know how all the above sounds to you.
I look forward to your reply.
Pierre
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Chapter 21 “An Ex Calling the Shots”
Dear Pierre
I’m extremely frustrated and believe you are able to help.
Both my husband and I had previous marriages and have been married to each other for a few years now. Although I have disconnected from my ex-husband emotionally, we remain amicable and live our separate lives as we see fit.
My husband, on the other hand, hasn’t let go of his exwife.
He talks to her a few times a day on the phone and whenever she needs anything he runs back to her to help.
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He gives her more attention than me and when I confront him, he denies it all saying that I’m imagining things. I believe she manipulates him and that in her own fantasy world thinks that they are still together which angers me.
What can I do? Sometimes I want to just scream.
Please help.
Blanche
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Dear Blanche
My heart goes out to you for what you are dealing with and the injustice of what's taking place for you is no coincidence. Do not doubt your feelings, as I agree with your opinion of what's going on and am interested to know what benefit is in it for you as it stands.
Be aware that all this is orchestrated by your soul not to punish you, but to offer you something. My job is to point out what that 'something' is, so you can feel more comfortable and secure while elevating your understanding of life and I will do so shortly. Ironic that amidst the tremendous (wanting to 'scream') and understandable focus you put on your husband's inappropriate behaviour (if I may be as direct in pointing this out to you), you are unintentionally making him feel like 'king of the hill' with two women competing for his attention.
This is the last thing you want to do, handing over your power to him so that can have the thrill of elevated manhood while you suffer in semi-neglect. I suspect
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that the status quo evidently offers him some kind of emotional multi-partner experience that seems unacceptable within the realms of what I presume is an exclusively monogamous relationship. Monogamy does not refer only to sexual behaviour, but also to your setting boundaries for not allowing any outsider to enter your combined and sacred emotional intimacy space.
We all function in different ways when it comes to what we consider to be appropriate behaviour and we do so according to our own personal belief systems. The nucleus of you and your husband not reaching an agreement sits in the discrepancy of two individual belief systems clashing with one another as I suspect it will continue to do.
Let me assure you that neither you nor him is going to win this argument (while knowing that I happen to agree with your point of view), because you can not change what he believes and visa versa. It is up to you to formulate what you see as appropriate and assert yourself to those who claim to care for you to endorse what makes you comfortable and secure. If it is a small
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problem, be willing to compromise while knowing that you can not change what another believes (whatever their true unconscious agenda that applies, as I sense he has unconscious reasons from his past for now doing what he does, unknown even to him while not consciously trying to hurt you) and if the problem is substantial in how it affects you, then you owe it to yourself to change the life you have through drastic transformation of circumstances. Let's dig a little deeper to fully appreciate what your soul expects you to do as it stands.
I would like to point out how I keep sensing the tremendous amount of learning you have done about life. You have certainly faced your stuff, delved into it, felt it and sorted it. Credit to you for doing so and know what a shining example you are to society as it stands. Keep in mind though that focusing on any other person by default brings levels of self-neglect. I'm by no means implying that you should live in denial and pretend to be unaffected by someone you care for hurting you every day while illuminating their resistance to change. Yet, you are not your husband's counselor and he needs to single-handed realise that his issues need attention to not be an unfair burden on those around him through the way he lives.
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Until then you have only two choices, either to vacate his space (far too dramatic and unsettling I believe) or time for a complete U-turn in your approach to life. Start doing every single thing you do every single day with yourself in mind first. Nothing like a touch of disinterest for a man to become the hunter once again with you as exclusive 'prey' for his desires.
It's genetically imprinted and your constant focusing on him prevents him from having to work for your attention. Focusing completely on yourself for a while with loving indifference to him ought to become an authentic way of living for you and spiritually speaking too. The time for expecting marital partners to bring us happiness has come and gone. It's up to you to do while enjoying all the benefits of marital structure and support practically. Take full ownership of fulfilling yourself emotionally and let me help with a practical suggestion that I will mention below.
I intuitively sense that you are in fact busy processing a whole bunch of stuff from your own past (as we should always continue to do while alive and able to), but your brain keeps pointing out your husband's wrong doing as
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to curb you from delving too deep within (which scares the brain). Be assured that further obsessing (amidst my utmost sympathy for your circumstances) guarantees ongoing misery and prevents healthy emotional growth for you at this point. Think logically about the fact that there has to be at least one other thing in your life (no matter how small it might seem) that makes you unhappy.
Write it down boldly and stick it somewhere you can see it clearly displayed every day. Make this your new daily interest for living and keep paying attention to it until it is solved. It will be a welcome shift of focus and a breath of fresh air for your exhausted brain no doubt.
Pierre
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Chapter 22 “An Unfulfilled Mom�
Dear Pierre
I feel as if my life might be meaningless.
The reason for saying so is that I'm a stay-at-homemom who loves looking after her husband and children. Yet, I feel that I'm doing little more with my life than just growing older.
I try to stay busy with the things that interest me like gardening and reading. I have also tried to put together a yoga group that didn't really take off. I suppose I feel frustrated for not yet finding my purpose in life.
Does that sound strange? Am I deluding myself or do we all have a purpose?
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Should I rather just find peace of mind knowing that I'm blessed with a good life (we have an affluent life, because my husband has a good job) and leave it at that?
I'm also worried about my health which isn't good.
Please give me some direction and I look forward to your response.
Catherine
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Dear Catherine
You sound like a wonderful person who is always ready to help and do for others. It is with pleasure that I answer your email, so thank you for the information you provided. It is important to keep in mind that whatever you think necessarily dictates what you do. It is my job to provide you with some new thinking in order to do things differently and therefore have a more pleasant experience in your day to day life.
First of all, please do not feel guilty for being unhappy (it is virtually the norm in contemporary society for a range of different reasons and more people choosing to improve their personal lives is what society needs to prosper emotionally). Rather focus on the fact that you have chosen to reach out for help. Feel both good and proud of yourself for doing so, as this sets a lovely example of self-improvement for the children who you love so dearly.
With all this in mind, it's time to make a solid decision to say good-bye to your old way of doing. Do so aloud,
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knowing that the status quo way of doing leaves you miserable. If for no other reason, then to support your future health as to not become a burden for the ones you love years from now.
Realise that changing your ways will require a systematic re-focusing on yourself, similar to what you possibly did before the call of motherhood. We are aiming for a more balanced approach between doing for others while also doing for yourself so that those you love can enjoy you more. Please trust in my experience when I say that it is entirely realistic and that it's done with a new mind-set through additional understanding of how life works. A different mind-set will bring a different set of circumstances for you, of this I'm sure.
You mean a lot more to those around you when they see you happy and fulfilled.
You also set a better example to your children so that they do not end up as unfulfilled adults one day, unconsciously copying the parental example. It is less done by what you do and more done by what you think
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which immediately starts changing what you do. When you start thinking in a way that positions you with as much importance in your mind as those around you, you will spontaneously start doing things differently. You will by default pursue your own needs, while still loving and supporting those around you. You will then find yourself more easily understanding what interests you and what fulfills you and then you can select from there.
That's often the point where people feel life is good to them, but it really is you being good to yourself.
Lastly, of course you have purpose and God would not have created you without. Finding out what that purpose is, leads us back to God I believe. Your travels will then bring you closer to God, set a good example for society and will leave you ultimately beaming with fulfillment. The doorway to finding out what your purpose is lies in blocked creativity. I don't mean art, but instead whatever it is that you end up doing really well, that you love and that fulfills you, that puts a smile on your face and that makes you love life every day. This is possible only after you give yourself
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permission to vigorously pursue every single thing during every single day that makes you happy, no matter how small in action.
To not enjoy life insults life and then life seems to turn on us, unless we urgently and drastically realign ourselves with renewed focus on ourselves through our thinking - which necessarily realigns us with God who created us.
In conclusion I hope some of the above has given you a starting point to prayers being answered and to know that all you've done is to love your family so much that it left little time and space for yourself. Over time this unconscious self-neglect has made you more and more miserable and now you simply need to approach it all with a new ration of yourself deserving as much attention, spoiling and taking care of. This will rebalance your circumstances, ease your body and make those around you happier too.
Pierre
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Chapter 23 “A Yearning for Mr Right”
Dear Pierre
Brent is my boss and has just told me about you because I drive him mad with my constant misery.
I am thirty-something and have managed to have only one serious relationship in my life and that only lasted a few months. I don’t believe that I’m unattractive but can’t seem to meet the right man. I try so hard. I go to parties, social events and even the odd club but the men seem to lose interest so fast.
All my friends are married to wonderful husbands and I feel left out.
I won’t settle for average and there’s so many men out there who just don’t come close to what I’m looking for.
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I’m beginning to think that there is something seriously wrong with me that a man generally doesn’t even call me after one date.
What am I doing wrong and what can I do to have a man in my life that will stay?
Hoping you can help me.
Nancy
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Dear Nancy
How lucky you are to have Brent as a boss. You seem to be the victim of dating-abuse (people behaving in an inappropriate way, feeling that they are allowed because they don't really know you and therefore it is fine - which it isn't of course). It is therefore up to you to curb this kind of behaviour from others by being more of who you really are. I suspect you have subtly been doing the opposite as to not scare the guys away.
What happens then is that men sense you are not being real and nothing like a female facade to frighten a red blooded man into running away.
Interesting that I intuitively know you like to do things differently from normal folk. That's wonderful and I encourage it whenever I come across it with clients. You beat your drum to a different rhythm of life and it sounds beautiful to me. It also attracts a different kind of partner which is what you ideally need. A run of the mill guy next door is just not going to cut it and you've already confirmed this in your email to me. It explains
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your minimal short list of interest and why you've only had one relationship thus far. That's fine as it stands.
Let me guarantee you that physical beauty (which I know you have) is hardly the reason for people falling in love, contrary to what the media teaches us. It is ultimately only a doorway to the house of love that those who look after the way they look keep creating every day. It also explains the old hag in slippers who don't care, because she has found her man and don't need to invest in her appearance anymore. You on the other hand do and credit to you for doing so (while I know that you will also sustain this investment once settled with someone).
Attraction resides in the ninety percent or so of your individual energy that resides beyond the body. It's an instinctive process of people sensing you and you sensing them and together it's potentially glorious or disastrous (if you don't trust your gut when meeting people). Having spent a lot of time on your outward appearance (a minimum part of the product that is you), it is time to rapidly invest in your inner self - as
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people will instantly sense if it is in tact and beautiful and act accordingly.
I suggest some ongoing work in this arena, be it that you want to make the investment with a monthly (or weekly for a while if you want) email from me to transform your inner-self. I do so for loads of people with sterling results and had to also do my own, personal share over the years that paid off more than I could every express. This explains my interest in constant spiritual evolvement, as to keep setting a good example for others to follow. Interestingly enough, I also had to add it to the physical (with a model/tv presenter past) part of me.
Back to you and remember that it takes only one man to make you happy. I would also guard against putting yourself out there too much (amidst credit to you for doing so, which I know is brave). It creates the opposite energetic effect through the nature of energy that always resists when we persists. A bit like wanting to fall pregnant and simply enjoying sex with your partner (rather than obsessive desire to procreate) will more speedily produce off-spring. Don't destroy what you
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want by wanting it too much. Put it out there and then drop it, walk away and know that you are giving it space to grow. Smothering your desire will turn it into the opposite through a lot of pain.
You need a touch of faith in your soul wanting to see you happy with the perfect guy, added to making sure that you keep finding out who you really are by pursuing every single opportunity in all the other arenas of your life that makes you happy.
This will bring the balance back into your life while providing a romantic interest I'm certain, because you will be a good student through focusing on what you have while allowing space to add to it with a wonderful man. Put it all out of your mind, force yourself to focus on the rest of your life and this will birth it for you. If it wasn't true, I wouldn't be in business I assure you.
In short, don't let obsession destroy what you want in life and always apply it to everything you desire in the future.
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I hope this all helped a bit for today. I would like to dig a lot deeper if you will allow me, but more next time according to the information you supply (such as your parents' relationship as an example). Let me know how you feel and then we can take it from there.
Pierre
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Chapter 24 “A Lethal Tumour”
Dear Pierre
My dilemma is not an unusual one but serious never the less.
I started getting dizzy spells and loosing my memory a few months ago. At first the tests didn’t detect it and then, when it got worse, I had a brain scan with a specialist who discovered a tumour the size of a gholf ball. Operating could result in my death because it’s tricky to reach.
I’ve done treatments but have only managed to prevent it from increasing so far.
Do I persevere or risk surgery?
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I realize you are not a medical doctor and any advice given will be your opinion. You will not be held responsible for any decision I make, so please advise in honesty.
I’m seeking opinions from a whole bunch of people before I decide.
Your advice will be much appreciated.
Garth
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Dear Garth
I like your approach to things and your willingness to take ownership of your life.
Credit to you just for that in itself and I'm happy to help. As you said, I'm in no position to offer medical advice per se but can certainly illuminate the emotional components of what the body is communicating to you as I have done for many others, who saw their health improve upon recognising what the body was telling them.
Thank you for the information you provide and what follows is what I make of it, keeping in mind that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of acting for you. The simple logic of this keeps me in business year after year, so here goes without any judgment or subjectivity.
You have done well pursuing the conventional medical route first.
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It's sensible and rational to first do what you can according to the medical infra-structure of contemporary society. Holism at times is too quick to discard academics and traditional professionals and I find it best to evaluate each case on own merit. Let's immediately (before going any further) give credit to conventional medicine having prevented further devastation of the body (as you confirm in your email).
That alone is worth celebrating and is cause for gratitude.
You've provided very little information beyond the physical/emotion arena with the eye on pragmatics/past events and the life you've had up to now for me to work with. Thus, relying exclusively on my intuition I have to tell you that it fills me with an overwhelming sense of abuse on some level. I need you to confirm that I'm on the right track (and please forgive me if I'm not, knowing I owe it to you to check all possible healing routes/emotion roots for you) via email response if can do so at your earliest convenience please.
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As a pointer of direction for the journey you might have had, I have to include all forms of abuse. It would naturally be physical or possibly emotional or even verbal. It can be from another to you as the victim or self-inflicted.
All of these need urgent transformation for your health to improve if it applies. It can either be historic (pastbased in experience) or current. It needs transformation with my help as therapist via email on an ongoing basis for a while to reduce the body-strain of unresolved emotions and it can be easily done with effective emotion therapy.
If abuse is tucked away in your past (from another or self-induced), then realise that emotion is a timetraveller and functions beyond the brain.
In other words, even though the brain is correct in saying that it resides in the past, your unconscious /emotions/inner self keeps experiencing these events presently and repetitively (amidst profound body-
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strain) until they are released, healed or vaporised. The brain viewing it all as non-current doesn't draw your attention to it and the body is left to be the messenger of emotion through unease/dis-ease.
I’m not clear on the exact medical stability of your body's status quo, but would (presuming that it has successfully stabilised in prognosis) suggest you lift the emotion-root of what the body is trying to communicate to you rather than tamper with the envelope that holds the message for you to read (your physical body). It's a matter of solving the problem (your unresolved feelings, albeit hidden for the moment and up to us to reveal) rather than focusing on the symptom (your body's physical reaction to your hidden feelings).
I truly hope this all helped and now it's up to you to allow truth to speak to you (be it through me, another therapist, a doctor or even a specialist). You own your life and you own your body. No-one else can ever take ownership of it for you and that leaves you in charge to decide what is best for you.
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I would however appreciate your feedback on whether abuse as a topic for rapid healing applies.
Pierre
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Chapter 25 “A NO! to the Good Wife”
Dear Pierre
My cousin, Jacques gave me your details and I hope you can help me.
My husband has always wanted to immigrate, but now seems serious to do so regardless of whether I agree or not. He’s adamant about moving to Australia and has already started making arrangements.
I don’t want to go but he is proceeding with plans never the less.
Surely a husband should consider his wife’s needs too? Must a solution not be found that suits both rather than presuming it is what I want? I’ve told him that
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he’s being selfish but he says that it’s for my own good that we move.
There are so many reasons why I want to remain in South Africa (my own business being one of them). My family is here and we are all very close.
Am I expected to be the good wife by going or risk divorce and stand up for myself and stay?
Maria
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Dear Maria
Thank you for all the information you provide and bless Jacques for sending you my way.
The 'good wife' doesn't seem to offer people as much as the 'happy wife', so let's aim there for you and know that whatever you think will determine how you act. My job is to successfully provide you with some new thinking and that I'm happy to do so for you as I do for many others every day.
Life is an illusion in terms of whatever it might be and yet becomes completely real once we choose to see it in a certain way (this is done by the brain using all the senses of the body). It one hundred percent applies to your predicament with your husband. In simple English it is saying that you and him have (I believe) two completely different perceptions of your life in South Africa and you both will therefore think, feel and act according to two opposite 'pictures' if you will, explaining all the ongoing conflict and frustration you feel.
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Your scenario is further complicated by the premise of no-one being right or wrong.
The way your husband sees it all is wrong in terms of how you see it and yet right in how he sees it and vice versa. It's complex for the brain to grasp, so in short it says that he can not be forced to see things the way you do. He (at the same time) can also not force you to see things his way and this is where mutual accommodating should apply.
A healthy romantic relationship is based on two people who find that their view on life predominantly keeps sharing common ground.
Over time (not sure how long you guys have shared your lives) people change. When we change towards the same things in life (goals and so forth) it creates a beautiful orchestra for the human experience. On the other hand, if we change while aiming for different/separate goals in life (him towards immigrating while you towards expanding your local life) it becomes very tricky to balance it all. An
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emotion window of possible pain and bitterness (with the lack of support you both feel from the other) starts taking shape as you've seen no doubt.
Beyond the surface of it all, you are being challenged by life (and by your husband only on a superficial livinglevel if I may point this out to you) to choose between your own happiness and his. His will bring you a guaranteed partner with you miserable in self-neglect and your happiness will require possible fear challenges for you with fulfillment and reward to follow. Keep in mind that the loss of your husband is not a given and purely on gut feel I suspect that if you say no, he will most likely stay (albeit with unhappiness). This should however not be the matrix of choice.
Energetically speaking, it's been proven that our unconscious self is more than ninety percent of who we are in size and power (for all of us, with our personal energy fields extending from the body deep into the unknown) and that our conscious self (the brain) is possibly as small as around one percent of our total energy.
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Choosing another person's happiness in life satisfies the brain that in time rewards us with that one percent in energy return and pleasing our spiritual self brings the ninety percent reward for us without asking questions, as it keeps accumulating in faith.
Fear is the brain's favourite tool for controlling our actions and your fear is rejection (if I may point it out). The brain does not care for happiness. It was designed for safety and security exclusively (the conscious mind) and is meant to be used accordingly. It is up to us to balance our happiness (by exploring our emotion arena/unconscious and by always putting ourselves first) with the brain keeping us safe enough to enjoy our ongoing success.
The brain is relentless in its quest for safety and will easily overwhelm our inner voice if we allow it.
Listening exclusively to the brain (as most people do) will ignore your inner needs and desires and cause systematic loss of power in your life I guarantee (based on years of experience with hundreds of clients).
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Look around and see the endless array of people seemingly doing fine and yet utterly depressed if you had to look closer. Please do not join this part of society but rather remain true to yourself (to your hopes and your dreams) so that life can reward you for doing so.
In short, creating is always a lot more powerful than predicting, but if I may be as forthcoming as to indicate my intuitive sense for you, I would like to point out that I do not see life 'punishing' you by being true to who you really are and everything you have constructed (your business show tremendous energy success by the way and is waiting for you to claim your choice as it stands to prosper) by taking your husband from you. It doesn't add up.
I suspect a firm no from you will disappoint him as he stays behind with you while feeling grumpy. Then will follow a frustrating period of him seeking meaning in SA life and you will have to be steadfast during this time if you so wish for him (while focusing completely on your own life and success as to give him space to work through his issues - you are not his therapist).
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You are required to urgently speak up, speak out and express everything you feel (including neglected in your needs) to him. Value him for wanting to do what is best for you, but point out that you are not a child and should have an equal say in what happens. Logic prescribes that where consensus fails, status quo presides (brilliant news for you) and everyone knows this. Luck of the draw if you will, so well done.
Pierre
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Chapter 26 “A Dream to Remember”
Dear Pierre
I was sent your way with much fan-fare for what you do.
I heard you also explain dreams to people and this is what I’m looking for. Few psychics out there seem to know what they are doing, so here’s mine.
I dream that I’m back in Cape Town where I used to live and work for Medicross. I was friends with an Indian girl called Olean and she’s in the dream. There’s a stage show in my honour and it makes me uncomfortable, so I turn my back on the stage.
She stands in front of me, throws powder on me and it hits me on the head.
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I don’t mind because it then wraps around me like a warm blanket and feels magnificent. I feel moved and know that something profound was done to me before I wake up.
What does this all mean?
Please help and much obliged, truly.
Katy
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Dear Katy
Thank you for all the information you provide and bless you for being willing to look at your dreams. Being blessed is indeed where you find yourself and your dream spells it out, as I will do for you further below. For now, let's first appreciate that amidst the many dreams we have, we find sometimes find a dream that provides unconscious stock-taking of who we are and where we find ourselves in life. Your dream is a sterling example of just that (when looking at it more closely as I've done for many over the years). Let's look at a few symbols that inter-correlate and cross-confirm the message of the dream as it starts.
The unconscious 'ocean' of water/emotion/tears (Cape Town) is needed to heal/improve/solve (Medicross) the painful past of our journey as we go through life. If we are open-minded enough to feel comfortable including the spiritual/religious/sacred (Indian girl) parts of ourselves, we stand not just beautiful (Olean as a name is as beautiful as the Oleander flower itself) but also powerful as an example to those around us to do the same. Just by looking at the above, I intuitively know
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how much you have felt and worked through issues and credit to you for doing so.
Viewed from an unconscious or a soul perspective, earth life is but a stage show with us as the lead actors and scriptwriters of our lives. When we deal with our stuff, we effectively re-write the script of our lives and find many experiences 'on-stage' changing for the better due to editing the past and painful script of times gone by.
Add to this future lives improving/evolving/maximising (if you are open to this spiritual concept of learning), or just view it as the future of one and the same life looking better. Both these are accurate in approach.
Fear (and self-sabotage as a by-product of fear) exists for all of us from the moment we are born, explaining a baby's first cry shortly after birthing I believe. The baby connects to overwhelming levels of fear as it takes its first breath and from there will spend a life-time overcoming fear to discover its innate and inner-power of true self. This process is the emotion script for earth
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living that forms the backdrop of life for all people alive and looking at our daily lives of ongoing struggle, challenges, predicaments and varying levels of pain easily confirms it for us. Part of being human (and therefore always having to curb fear as to find power) includes guaranteed levels of self-sabotage. Do not blame yourself for being human and for still overcoming self-sabotage as a side-theme to living. We all do until we die and are meant to. Simply keep an eye on the possibility of unintentionally doing so (amidst your lovely intent) when you 'turn your back on the stage' in the dream.
As humans, we keep learning until we die and it really is as simple as that.
Whether we like it or not (or agree to learning or not), the learning never ends and Soul/Source/God guarantees it for us. It can be a very painful schooling when we resist learning and it can be a gloriously fulfilling experience when we embrace learning (amidst the pain it sometimes brings). A lot of people resist being schooled in emotions and then life persists until they find themselves faced with disaster, disease or
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death. Death in this instance takes place when their unconscious renders their life futile for further learning and therefore collects their energy for future distribution in a different shape or form (creating a new opportunity for learning once more with another life, be it on earth or another energy reality). This all states the contemporary understanding of multiple lives. Nothing to worry about though, as this evidently (using the dream as matrix) is not you.
Interesting how often we refer to off-putting people (who are rough or unsavory) as 'crass' or 'coarse' when describing them. On a deeper level, it means that they are unrefined and basic starter-type energy because they lack experience in their superficial approach to life. A 'heart of stone' further depicts unevolved emotions and ultimately (looking at people as if they were merely symbols) you will find that stone always turns to sand (with additional learning and 'refinement' through life experience) before sand turns to soft and gentle powder. This is where you are. Take a moment to grasp your unconscious pointing out to you how far you have traveled as it envelopes you in this soft gentle kindness of Source through powder in your dream. It is a tremendous compliment to who you are directly from God if you will.
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You are right in saying something profound was done to you with your 'warm blanket' of powder. What was done (with me as loyal messenger for your soul) is you were made aware by a Higher Power (and 'powder') that you are who you are and that you are not where others are. You are human and not perfect, but you are profoundly more evolved in energy than your body or your brain ('hit me on the head') feels comfortable for you to know. Asleep, your unconscious cleverly bypassed the body and the brain to point this out to you for the joy and challenge it holds (an urgency for resisting who you are vaporising from your life) for ongoing growth, power and success.
Let's complete your dream-experience with some quick, clear logic through therapy by saying that your challenge is to accept who you are. You are clearly unique and very different in evolvement from normal folk. You are required to be conscious of this fact from today without needing to apologise or explain why you are who you are to anyone around you. This guarantees reward beyond comprehension for you.
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Most importantly it indicates that you might be very hard and demanding on yourself (while being only one person, clearly sensitive and gentle and not deserving of your steel-approach to yourself which hurts the real you). If you are this hard on yourself, you probably find yourself unintentionally hard on those around you. This destroys your joy every day for living in constant disappointment and disapproval of people who might mean well but are flawed in their humanity. It prevents them from simply loving and supporting you which is sad. The good news is that whatever we become conscious of in life is no longer left to fate, so make sure you are well-aware of what is going on beyond the surface and reach out to me if you have any further questions. I’m just an email away.
Pierre
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Chapter 27 “A View from Soul”
Dear Pierre
I was told you give brilliant practical advice on all things spiritual.
I don’t really have a problem as much as a question.
My father passed about twenty years ago and I was very close to him. After his death I gave birth to a son that will soon turn eighteen. As I’ve watched him grow over the years I was often left with an overwhelming sensation of my father’s character and person when observing him.
I’m sure that sounds very odd but the more I’ve tried to ignore it, the more obvious it seemed.
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They have the same mannerisms and handwriting and he will say things in a way that only my father would choose to say it (very different from how everyone else talks).
He seems to also know specifics of things that only my father could have known (and that I didn’t tell him).
It’s all very strange and I want to know if it’s possible that my son is my father’s soul? Can a soul reincarnate into the same family? Am I just imagining what I’m hoping for?
Please help with some guidance in how this all works and thank you in advance.
Alice
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Dear Alice
Thank you for your email and your sensible approach to things. I'm happy to answer your questions (very interesting ones indeed) and it's refreshing to do an email not aimed at assisting someone in deep emotion crisis (as much as I have a passion for doing so). Your situation is more of a renewed teaching scenario which I will do for you gladly in further detail below. Keep in mind though that whatever we think dictates what we do and a new way of thinking brings a new way of doing. It's the premise of what I do, so here goes with some interesting facts, followed by some hands-on practical guidance afterwards.
I believe you already know the answer to your question but need reassurance that you haven't completely lost the plot. The short answer to your question is yes, but let’s add to it with a renewed understanding of all things spiritual.
The brain easily battles to grasp the size and power of soul. The reason for this is the difficulty of measuring
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and dissecting what is not easily matrixed beyond the confines of time and space. Frankly, most information on soul viewed from earth reality is often a simplified, more symbolic understanding of it all that enables the brain to at least understand the outlines of infinity. It's a bit like explaining to a religious person that God is in fact not a person (male or female), but a source of immeasurable energy which explains holism referring to 'Source' in stead of 'God' at times. Quantum physics depict a single soul's (such as your own, individual soul or the soul of your father who passed if you will) energy capable of cascading into as many as one thousand earth lives simultaneously and all at once.
Personally I believe that though possible, it's unlikely to do so exclusively on earth - due to a range of more evolved realities available for incarnating. Our planet is a very primitive (with respect) place for learning due to the tremendous pain-challenges it holds for earthlings. Other realities are available to our souls where we learn through a lot more love and a lot less pain (explaining religious folk referring to 'heaven' as if it was somewhere else). Think about the fact that contemporary society is wellaware that everything existing within our three-
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dimensional reality contains more than ninety nine percent anti-matter. In simple English it says that whatever you come across on Planet Earth is less than naught comma one percent real and the rest is filled with empty space (that the brain can't see). Compress any object as flat as you can and you will find that it becomes less than one percent of its original size (like they do to old cars on scrap heaps). That means looking at a person who's alive (and therefore filled with soul energy), we can safely presume that less than one percent of that person's soul is needed to sustain his or her life.
Not just is it possible I believe for a soul to return to the same family, but a lot more common than people might realise. Let me explain why.
Returning to the same family structure (therefore once again providing the exact same emotion issues that the soul is still overcoming beyond death as phantom escape route or shadow-completion for all of us) holds a guaranteed platform to re-experiencing what was not emotionally conquered before. It provides renewed opportunity for learning about the same stuff if need be
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while feeling comfortably safe amidst those who are known to us.
Simply put (if I may fabricate an example to explain) Mom's depression is still there when seeing her again and Dad is still sulking. Sister's bouncy joy for life still cheers everyone up and her brother's wisdom still inspires. Doing the maths reveals (incarnated one generation later) Grandma's depression, Granddad's sulking, Mom's joy and Uncle's wisdom - when presuming a sibling dying and returning as child of the former brother or sister. It's the simplest model to explain things to the brain.
The possibilities of incarnate opportunity pertaining to family structures (or family 'constellations' as holism calls it) are mesmerising and completely overwhelm the brain. That's why our gut feel/intuition should guide us as yours has so clearly done. You have after all had a life time to file and record all the subtle nuances of the energy you used to know as Dad, so its actually quite easy to detect when we are open-minded enough to see it. Your specific scenario (from Dad's point of view) is 'what was daughter' is now Mother and I believe you
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are blessed to be enlightened enough to have recognised the same energy returning. It tells me a lot about your own evolvement as a person (hats off to you).
Use logic to realise that your brain will never be able to answer you, as this realm of possibility is too complex for the brain to comprehend. You will probably spend a life-time knowing what you know while never fully understanding how you know. It's called faith. Trust only your intuition added to the simple explanation of all that is as provided to you in this email today. Then do yourself a favour, if you want and don't run around asking endless people's opinions (I don't believe you were planning to, but needed to add this) as to complicate matters even more and end up spiralling in daily confusion. You and you alone can decide. Not even I can decide for you. I can simply point out what follows logically added to what I sense intuitively, so you can conclude final analysis and verdict for happy living.
I know you have double reason for loving Dad 'again' as your son and all is beautiful if you can calm the brain enough to start enjoying it for what it is. It will bring
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unique joy and unique challenges all at the same time which is perfect and called 'the adventure of living'.
Now it's up to you to explore together, learn together and grow together while loving each other more than a 'regular' mother and son.
Pierre
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Chapter 28 “A Career that needs Change”
Dear Pierre
My cousin Louise recommended your services highly and it couldn’t have come at a better time.
My situation is more of a work related predicament than an emotional one. However, it does affect my happiness. I started a company a couple of years ago and it thrived.
Now, with the bad world economy (I deal internationally) my business is suffering. I had good income and a glossy life style as a result of the business for a few years but now I’m sinking deeper and deeper into debt.
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I do not have enough clients to sustain the business as I should and I’m extremely stressed every day.
I have tried alternative means of advertising but can’t afford what I believe would really work. I’m unmarried with no kids, so it’s just me to support and I can’t seem to do even that these days.
What do you suggest I do? Shall I call it a day and move on or be patient and hope for a change in the economy?
Any advice will be truly appreciated.
Darren
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Dear Darren
Great that Louise sent you my way. I thoroughly enjoyed your vibrant energy and feel inspired to give you some kind of direction amidst your predicament which I view as needing serious change for you to shine once more. You need to urgently start focusing on who you are and not on where you are.
You seem like an enthusiastic, easy going and fun loving kind of guy.
No matter how bad your circumstances or the world economy for that matter, your personality is a portable skill so to speak and no one can take it from you. That will continue to open up new doors for you as I'm sure it has done in your past. Remind yourself that people enjoy being around you (even though you have to understandably force it a bit at the moment no doubt) and this continually creates new opportunity for you in business.
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You are trapped in circumstances, not in your person. Amidst the disturbing emotional arena of so many clients, you however find yourself functionally in tact when it comes to your emotions and are more challenged by pragmatics. Your person is therefore free to do whatever it chooses, as long as you take full responsibility for your practical choices and full advantage of all the reward it then brings.
The only problem as it stands is the risk involved, the fear of the unknown and the sensibility of what you think you should do.
I'm guessing that you have processed on a brain level to the point where your brain is exhausted. That's a good thing, because now you find yourself with little choice but to consult a different source. I'm not referring to me, but to your own heart. With this I mean some of your own feelings and emotions surrounding your practical circumstances. I include your own inner voice (yes, even us guys have it) and what it's telling you to do.
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I would rather you listen to your own inner voice than anyone else's advice, including my own. If my own advice does however align itself with what you sense to be true, then we have a winning recipe to see you much happier much sooner than you expected to be.
Switching off your brain for a bit and listening to your heart, what does it tell you to do irrespective of fear? Interesting how many times clients want me to predict what might happen and I always find that creating is a lot more powerful than predicting. That's ultimately how we find out who we really are. You are fortunate to be one of the lucky few who has already used the power of creating in your own career and you will simply end up doing it again and better than before. Possibly in a new field, a new adventure and a new experience all together. This is what you should aim for long term.
The reason life repeats cycles, is to constantly improve who we are. We are meant to take everything we've learnt, reapply it and become even more than we were. Sometimes we do it a third time before we die and these changes keep evolving us as people. Truth be told, the more advance someone is, the more often one
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finds their life journey changing drastically as yours is doing right now, so compliments to you.
Think about the fact that once we were children and then we possibly re-experience that cycle with children of our own before giving it a third turn with our grand children and so forth.
Life is simply using circumstances to tell you that it's time for a new adventure. Your energy probably ran dry in your old space and now life nudges you forward to have a new experience. Take advantage of the societal status quo. What I mean with this, is that frankly the bar is set so low that you've got it all going for you with your people skills. If for the interim you choose to do a nine to five (which no doubt is not what you are all about and should be short lived if at all, knowing how opportunity works), it buys you some time to formulate a new direction while gaining instant financial relief.
As for all of us, your thinking will keep dictating your actions. Where the mind goes the body will always follow soon enough, so for where you are right now we
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need your mind to keep going to a good place. I would suggest you pursue any opportunity that looks feasible at this point even if it scares you a bit. Without any offers, I would use this time to then get your thinking right and virtually guarantee you that opportunity will then come knocking much sooner than you think.
Either way, now or later, it will require you to take a risk I guarantee.
It will test if you see yourself as able and life doesn't create opportunities for us to fail. It rather keeps us stagnated in our misery until we feel brave enough for positive change towards improved happiness and success while discovering our own authentic and innate inner power (through the improvement of our circumstances).
Lastly, view all this as a challenge that requires of you to now invite opportunity to the party of life. Do so aloud, picture opportunity as if it is a person and make sure you keep engaging with it throughout the day every day. Doing so will keep expanding the boundaries
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of opportunity for you. Picture it for example on the face of a girl you really like in your mind’s eye. Then flirt with it non-stop, enjoy its company and get to know it intimately as it becomes part of your future life.
Pierre
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Chapter 29 “A Girlfriend who Drinks”
Dear Pierre
Someone gave me your email address and for the life of me I cannot remember who.
I was married for five years to a woman who was so controlling and manipulative that eventually I didn’t know who I was anymore. She threatened all kinds of horrific things and used emotional blackmail from my past to keep me in her life.
Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and decided I would rather face the consequences of her manipulation than be with her any longer so I left and filed for divorce.
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I then met a seemingly wonderful woman and we have been together for a few years now.
She has issues from her past that she deals with by drinking. She starts at lunch every day and then continues well into the evening until she eventually passes out almost every night around eight o’clock.
As a result our sex life is almost non existent and I can’t seem to reason with her. I really love this woman but her addiction revolts me and she simply won’t listen.
Why do I keep choosing problematic women? Are there any normal ones out there or is it time to try a man, seriously?
I will appreciate any advice you have.
Gary
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Dear Gary
Credit to you for reaching out and compliments to whoever linked you up to some peace of mind which I guarantee.
After two substantial examples of difficult women in your life, I would like you to guard against thinking (on a more unconscious level) that the problem might be you. Think about the logic of both these women being issue riddled (with the greatest respect to both for having issues and the greatest shock that they would insist on living in misery amidst the endless avenues of help available in contemporary society). The first chose to explode her frustrations and the current simply implodes. Both do so with no regard for the people around them, which on a bigger scale explains the drama of human interaction displayed on the globe's front page every day.
Some stock taking is needed on your side and a simple lesson learnt that I will easily point out for you further
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below. Then you'll sit pretty in life with no worries I guarantee.
Some people enjoy the complexity of unnecessary and unprocessed emotion in their life and this might explain both these people's desire to hold on to their stuff and not let a professional take it away from them. Almost like a cocoon of 'my feelings' that serves as a safety blanket of sorts and they remain clinging. The fact that this blanket might be filled with thorns for the one lying next to them simply isn't their problem. It is however yours and you might want to consider if you should continue accepting it. Careful to not love people for who they could be, but to do so for who they are right now. Surely you don't want to be happy with them in the future one day, but rather today. Then it's up to you to choose someone you can enjoy today.
I find your unconscious presumption that people want to improve their lives revealing of who you are. Compliments to you as it tells me your life always aims for improvement, contrary to those around you. Let me be the one to point out (being in a position to do so as emotion specialist of many years) that a large part of
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the masses insist on misery beyond the superficial 'want-to-change' facade they uphold.
Let me shock you by also revealing how many men tell me they would rather be happy with another guy than miserable with another woman. Drastic no doubt, but what it points to is that times have changed and people are figuring out that who they choose is less important than how that person makes them feel. Through the generations, mankind has evolved to not using religion as matrix for partnership and then followed race as matrix for partnership and now it's gender it seems. I don't view it as a gay thing really, because that still holds gender as matrix for choice. It's about choosing anyone who keeps you happy, fulfilled and smiling every day in an uncomplicated, easy and 'free-to-bewho-you-are' kind of way.
I believe it's going to take a little more time for those who want to follow this route to not be forced into hiding by society (male and female alike), so personally I would hope that it's a sorted and focused, yet gentle and caring female that comes your way.
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I didn't elaborate on your current partner, as it speaks for itself and I would insult your completed understanding of this person not intending to change. You therefore have to decide if this is what you want to continue pursuing, knowing that your misery is guaranteed unless she changes which (forgive me) I doubt. You now have to face the facts of your predicament. I would be disappointed if you view this kind of life as the one you want for yourself, sensing you can do so much better as I'm sure you will agree. It sounds hellish and very unfulfilling (sexually being but one aspect of it).
Where to you ask? The answer is as simple as the lesson you have already learnt and the lesson is that you have to put yourself first. Historically, we were all taught the opposite from those who feared the masses discovering their individual power and so it became human legacy. It also explains why mankind is as miserable. Sad and unnecessary really, but when individuals like you, me and my other clients keep living in a way where our needs come first, we keep changing society by example and more and more people get on to the happy bus.
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When your happiness comes first, others join in and it becomes a good party.
Not to be blunt, but you've done just the opposite with partners and therefore received the opposite result. Pursue other people's happiness and you will lack your own. Pursue your own happiness and others will double it for you.
Pierre
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Chapter 30 “A Search for God”
Dear Pierre
I have heard that you give advice from a spiritual perspective and have a question that has bothered me for many years.
Having explored Christianity and finding it a farce (excuse the cynical approach), I have as a result become very despondent with any belief system. I have prayed and prayed in many different ways for things but had no result.
My big question is: “Is there a God and if so why does he not hear me?”
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Please don’t think that I am bitter but I really need to know if I am wasting my time with beliefs that I can not see.
Any help will we much appreciated.
Dorothy
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Dear Dorothy
My heart goes out to you amidst your spiritual frustration and I have to say that thinking is a brilliant starting point for understanding life. You will be shocked to discover how many people out there simply do not think about life at all. They just keep repeating the same old stuff, while facing the same old regrets and disappointments and then feel miserable for it. Searching is the first step towards finding out, so credit to you for asking. We need more critically thinking earthlings like you in society, that's for sure.
Let's put religion aside for a moment, while I point out your own belief system to you. It could be as seemingly frivolous as believing in good hair days or not going to the gym on Mondays when you don't enjoy the vibe. Whatever it is, realise that you already have a multilayered belief system and know that the main frame of
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it all was constructed for you during your first seven years or so of age. It depicts how you see people, earth as a place for living and yourself - which is my biggest interest of these three while working with you. As people, we are meant to discover these levels as to know what are beliefs are, how to change them if need be and how to enjoy them through the adventure of daily living, while observing how it all applies to us.
Back to religion and whatever we deeply believe, we will always aim to prove to ourselves and to others. It's human nature and explains why people love other people believing what they do. It never works though, because the energetic nature of earth reality is such that it endorses what my colleagues will call 'individual reality'. In plain English, it's the fact that your life can never be a carbon copy of any other person's life. It is entirely unique and filled with probably billions of variables in accordance
to
everything you have
experienced which means you have to find your own set
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of 'rules' that apply to you for happiness and to no-one else. You might be blessed to find friends or colleagues who align with your personal manual of life and yet, over time, you will start seeing the discrepancies that prove we are all unique and individual.
Christians pray and use this as an avenue to speak to God. More spiritual folk will refer to 'Source' in stead of God and beyond semantics; my professional opinion is that it is all one and the same. It simply points to the nucleus of you immortal energetic existence. Too many Christians out there (with respect) live in a child like state of viewing God as a person, which insults the magnitude and size of the power they are referring to which I find ironic. Anything outside the three dimensional experience probability of life as we know it turns to pure energy. This gives my more holistic colleagues the opportunity to �read� a person's personal energy field and it's entirely possible to do for those who do so authentically. We've all done it without realising
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it when sizing up a stranger that tickles our fancy while wanting to tap as much information as we can without asking too many direct questions and therefore “sensing” what we can about them.
Historically, the call for organised religion had an ageold hidden agenda. It was aimed for controlling the masses and from preventing them to find their individual
power, as this “out-of-control”
state of
existence en mass was seen as threatening to the powers that be at the time. Using God as a smoke screen made it work (detrimentally I might add for the poor individual who was tortured or burnt alive). It’s much easier to control the masses when they are all miserable and powerless than to direct them when they stand powerful and exuberant as you can imagine. It then filtered through many generations and now, in the new millennium and with the help of the mass media, people are catching on to the lie of not having personal power. Keep in mind that God or Source did not
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construct this nightmare of confusion, people did and will be held responsible for it energetically I believe. It's now up to you to construct your own religion and I would like to call it “The Power of Dorothy”.
What people are discovering is that they somehow have the tools to create the life they want for themselves, without the blessing of their local church. This is rapidly putting the church out of business so to speak, as people are finding that God or Source lives within them. Switch on to day-time TV and you'll see it all confirmed. Think about the logic that if we come from a mother ship of energy so to speak, then we will necessarily and individually be constructed through tiny little pieces of that same mother ship.
This is why people say “I am God” which is more accurately pro-God than the church feels comfortable to admit.
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When it comes to whatever it is you believe, your personal energy field has the power and will construct it (be it positive or negative and both by default, without you even knowing it) in a matter of time. We live in an era where people know this to be true and now we are formulating methodology as a mankind for doing so more accurately and successfully. For now, use information that stands confirmed to start improving your life. What I mean is know that whatever you believe you will construct beyond your brain's control. This is true faith. Then realise both the allowing of opportunity and the curbing of fear that need to take place in your life.
Direct answers to your questions therefore are yes, you are God and I am God and the next person is God, even though they are completely oblivious to it in their ways and might set a terrible example for others until they wake up from their spiritual slumber. God will not “answer your prayers� when you do not believe in this
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rather outdated and more traditional “one size fits all� structure of belief.
It only works when individuals (without realising it) create for themselves what they ask God to do. They then think God listened (feeling ever so proud of being worthy), while in their ignorance giving no credit to the power of their own unconscious energy field that in actual fact did all the work (in accordance with how God designed it all along). Interesting that they've discovered
a
person's
energy
field
holds more
than ninety percent of their power, excluding the brain. Inside of you it all exists, just look within. Keep getting to know yourself better, forget about what others believe and find comfort in your own personal beliefs, whatever they might be or become in the future. It's time to find out.
Pierre
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Pierre de Villiers is widely publicised and recognised as guest speaker on South African radio and TV after being invited to appear on South Africa’s SABC Three Talk TV talk show on more than one occasion.
He has been in private practice for over ten years.
South Africa's eTV further interviewed him in their hit series Twenty Something and the South African Sunday Times did a centre page article about him while his work was also featured in the SA daily The Star.
Contact him at pierresouthafrica@gmail.com
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WITH SPECIAL THANKS
Thank you to my publisher, African Inspiration that made a seemingly overwhelming task so much easier.
Thanks to Quickfox Book Printers for all they have done as well as Andrew Biddy-Horne for a great cover photograph.
Lastly I have to thank each and every individual who reached out to me for help and trusted in my guidance.
With sincere gratitude to the Generous Creator.