Dating Guide Guide Dating for for Newcomers Newcomers
© 2018 Asian Community AIDS Services All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Dating Guide for Newcomers,” at the address below.
Asian Community AIDS Services
For more information
260 Spadina Ave, Suite #410
please contact:
Toronto, Ontario
416-963-4300
M5T 2E4
info@acas.org
info@acas.org
www.acas.org
Written by: Jessica Lee Contributions from: Mina Heng and anonymous contributors (“Joyna”, “Alice”, and “Victoria”) Design: Ginny Chen ( ginnychen.ca )
Table of Contents
Slang Dictionary 5 Consent 8 Online dating 10 LGBTQ 14 Sex work 22 STI 24 HIV 26 References 27
This resource was written on the traditional territor y of the Anishnaabeg, Haudenosaunee, and Mississaugas of the Credit. Toronto is situated on the “Dish With One Spoon” territory. It is a treaty that binds all those who live on the land to share and protect the land. All subsequent peoples, settlers, newcomers, and visitors alike, are invited into this treaty in the spirit of peace and friendship. Toronto, originally TkaRonto, is presently home to a diverse population of First Nations, Inuit, and Métis people.
Dating can be a fun way to meet new
people and potential partners. It can also feel scary and confusing. This
guide is written with East and Southeast Asian cis women, trans women, and non-binary newcomers in mind. We
encourage anyone of any ethnocultural background or gender identity to also use this resource as they see best fit. This guide isn’t intended to get you more dates or find your true love,
but it is intended to help you better
understand dating culture in Canada, slang, consent, and sexual health.
Some will find that it applies to their
dating life, and others might not find that it applies at all! Take what you need, leave what you don’t.
4
Hey baby you up? ??
DT F?! ?!
slang dictionAry &
CHILL
Learning basic slang and phrases can be helpful in figuring out what the heck your date is trying to tell you! The following is a short list of slang words you might hear or come across.
5
Bareback [adj./n./v.]: sex without condoms
Catfish [v./n.]: the act of pretending to be someone else or having different characteristics to get someone to date them, send them money, and/or other goods and services that they can benefit from.
BDSM [n.]: a compound acronym for B/D = bondage/discipline; D/s = Dominance/submission; SM = sadism/masochism. BDSM involves consensual erotic practices.
Creep/Creepy [adj./n.]: unpleasantly strange person. DMs [v.]: Direct Message; to send someone a direct message or personal message on social media (like facebook and instagram); often for romantic purposes.
Blow job [n.]: oral sex on a penis. Synonyms: cunnilingus (usually refers to performing oral on a vulva.) Booty call [n.]: can be a text or phone call asking for sex. Typically booty calls are very casual and happen late at night. (Note that “butt dial” while having very similar meaning words, is very different from a booty call. A “butt dial” is accidentally calling someone from your pocket or bag. It is not sexual.)
Do you party?/PnP (Party and play): a way of asking if you do drugs, and typically excludes marijuana, and references harder drugs like crystal meth, MDMA, cocaine etc. DTF: short form for “Down To Fuck”; asking if you would like to have sex with them.
Bottom [n./v.]: someone who prefers to receive penetration; usually referring to anal.
Femme [adj.]: a word that can reference anyone who is feminine. It can be used as an inclusive word for trans, cis women, and some non-binary people. Some people like to use femme instead of “woman” or “girl” or “female” because it can be more inclusive of trans wom6
A casual relationship.
en and non-binary people who are often discriminated against. Words like femme are helpful especially as a person can be feminine regardless of their genitals. We honour and respect that identifying as female does not depend on someone’s genitals.
Synonyms: friends with benefits (fwb), no strings attached.
Gaslight(ing) [v./n.]: a form of abuse; makes the victim question their sanity, intentionally makes someone doubt their memories or perception of reality; a form of persistent manipulation. E.g. telling blatant lies, denying they ever said/did something even though you have proof, their actions do not match their words, tells you/others that you are crazy, etc.
Fetish [n.]: a form of sexual desire that can involve specific activities, body parts, objects, behaviours, fabrics, and appearances. It can be consensual or non-consensual.
Get laid: having sex.
Front-Hole [n.]: a widely accepted alternative word to vagina; it is used by some members of the trans community. It will be used throughout this resource!
Ghost [v.]: sudden stop in communications with someone; not gender specific; not age specific. Girl-Dick [n.]: a word for genitalia for a trans woman who has not gone through bottom surgery.
FTM or F2M [adj.]: short for female to male. This term is used by a trans person who is transitioning from female to male.
Hook Up: refers to any form of sexual intimacy such as kissing and sex.
Fuck buddy [n.]: a person with whom someone regularly has sex with, without the expectation of a romantic relationship. 7
Koreaboo [n./adj.]: a non-Korean person who has an obsession with Korean culture and behaves in a way that is very stereotypical of Korean culture. Those studying Korean culture and history are not necessarily koreaboos. A koreaboo can be a person who is aggressively passionate about Korean culture without recognizing the complexities of Korean culture and focus mostly on k-pop, Korean celebrities, and K-drama. See: weeaboo
Open relationship [n.]: this is a kind of relationship where people in the relationship have agreed that they are allowed to go on dates, kiss, have sex with, etc. with other people outside of the relationship.
Poz [adj./n.]: someone who carries HIV in their body. Rim-job: the act of licking someone’s butthole.
MTF or M2F [adj.]: short for male to female. This term is used by a trans person who is transitioning from male to female.
Sexting: sending someone sexual photographs or messages via mobile phone.
Netflix and chill: it can mean to hang out and watch TV shows as just friends but more often, it is meant if you are interested in having sex with them. It insinuates that you would watch a Netflix show or movie together, and maybe make out or have sex during or after watching the show.
Stealthing (STELL-thing): a form of sexual assault when someone wearing the condom, removes it in the middle of having sex. The other person may not realise. This is a violation of someone’s consent.
One night stand [n.]: a sexual relationship lasting only one night. Generally, people do not maintain a relationship with their one night stand as it can be an awkward interaction.
Top [n./adj.]: someone who prefers to penetrate their partner(s); usually referring to anal sex.
8
passionate about Japanese culture without recognizing complexities of Japanese culture but focusing mostly on anime, manga, and Japanese people. See: Koreaboo
Vers [n./adj.]: someone who like to penetrate their partner(s) and also likes to be penetrated; usually referring to anal sex. Weeaboo [n./adj.]: a non-Japanese person who has an obsession with Japanese culture and behaves in a way that is very stereotypical of Japanese culture. Someone studying Japanese culture and history are not necessarily weeaboos. A weeaboo can be a person who is aggressively
Yellow Fever: Asian fetish; usually references a strong sexual preference to East and Southeast Asian people.
9
Consent Consent is agreeing with words or with actions in a clear manner. While we can see consent in many aspects of our lives, this section specifically touches on consent during sex.
10
“I should have known something
would go wrong the moment I found his tweet: “I <3 ASIAN GIRLS!!!!”... VICTORIA
queer/bisexual/pansexual Chinese Canadian//cis woman
meant I was responding in a way that would read as “enthusiastic” to any onlooker. If he’d used a condom, I probably wouldn’t even consider it a problem—I
...but I was still reveling in my
like being woken up by sex with
new found sexual freedom after
a trusted partner. It seemed like
moving out for university. He was
such a minute detail to change
nerdy, musical, and cute enough,
it to a non-consensual encoun-
and I wanted casual sex—lots of
ter, so I resisted that narrative,
it. He was a well-intentioned guy
telling myself others have gone
who thought he knew more about
through much worse. It wasn’t
sex and consent than he really
until I encountered a comic
did, and who thought he made a
book character months later
good Dom despite never engag-
with a passing resemblance to
ing in kink before. He had his
him—and felt an enormous
first taste of barrier-free sex with
wave of panic and revulsion—
me and was keen for more, even
that I realized our encounter
though we both agreed it was
had impacted me so heavily.
a bad idea. I was between birth
Unconventional triggers are, as
control methods at the time, and
it turns out, still real and valid.
now I wish he’d repay me for all the Plan B from the three short
Coming to terms with the gravity
weeks we spent together. That
of the situation allowed me to
stuff doesn’t come cheap.
develop the self-compassion
I had trouble calling it sexual as-
my hyper-sexuality, consensual
sault, even though I’ve supported
non-consent, and other kinks on
friends in the same situation and
my own terms, while still having
to honour my limits. I can enjoy
presented workshops on sex and
boundaries that I don’t want
consent. Sure, I hadn’t been fully
crossed. We were only missing a
awake—but I wasn’t fully asleep,
thin piece of latex, but that made
either, and my sensitive body
all the difference.
CONSENT is clear,
practice. Practice at home, with your friends, family, at work, at
ongoing, freely given, and can
school, and elsewhere in your
be taken away at any time.
daily life.
During sex, consent is knowing confidently that you and your
Consent requires a constant
partner(s) are all into the kind
communication; asking before,
of sex that you are going to have.
asking during, and asking
Consent is knowing that your
afterwards. Many focus on before
partner(s) feel safe in proceeding
and during and forget to check
with any act of a sexual nature.
in after. Sometimes people need
You can know if someone consents
more time to process and may
to a sexual activity through verbal
only realise afterwards that
communication, body language,
something wasn’t right. Open
and/or observing a situation.
communication, acceptance of wrong-doing, and empathizing
Culturally, it can feel weird to
with your strengths and improv-
express “yes” or enthusiasm to
ing your weaknesses are all
sexual acts. Many of us have
important in making sure we are
been taught that femmes who
accountable.
are sexually confident are promiscuous and therefore not
If someone doesn’t want to kiss/
desirable. Equally, it can also
fuck/cuddle you, it can make us
feel uncomfortable to say “no”
feel a lot of different emotions.
for fear of seeming rude or fear
At the end of the day, you do not
of hurting someone’s feelings.
own your partner’s body. Your
It is important to reflect in these
partner(s) do not own your body.
situations on why femmes will
We must respect and understand
sacrifice their safety to please
this before having sex.
others. Sometimes people who have more power or authority over us will take advantage of our relationship with them. If we try to engage sexually with someone whom we have authority over, it clouds our ability to know clearly if consent is present. Like most things, consent requires a lot of 12
SEXUAL ASSAULT
freeze up and be unable to speak or hit someone. It is not your fault.
is any unwanted touching of a
sexual nature that is defined by the individual. It can make us feel afraid, quiet, confused, angry, lost, and many other very
“You said yes to making out… you led them on”
>>
complicated feelings. Remember
You’re allowed to just want one intimate act and not all intimate acts. No one owes you their body
that your body is yours alone.
because it is theirs and theirs
If someone violates your
alone. Saying yes to one form of
boundaries, it is not your fault.
intimacy doesn’t mean yes for all
There will be resources at the
other forms of intimacy. Each act
end of this book (page 27) if you
requires consent. You didn’t ask
would like support on this topic.
to be assaulted.
VICTIM BLAMING
is a
practice that places the blame for whatever happened entirely on
“Maybe my clothes were too sexy…”
>>
can get assaulted even if they
avoided when anyone discloses
are wearing clothes that cover
that they have been assaulted.
all of their skin. No one asks to be
It makes people less likely to
sexually assaulted.
come forward and share what and supports the perpetrator/ rapist. Here are some common examples of victim blaming:
“We were doing kinky sex/BDSM… maybe I’m just not as into it as I thought I was’
>>
“You should have said no/stop/ ran away/hit them etc:”
>>
certain clothing is “asking for it.” However, we know that people
the victim. Victim blaming is to be
happened, it minimizes the crime,
Some may say that wearing
This can be true, but in kink and BDSM, consent is still very important. You are allowed to set your own boundaries (e.g. I
They should have asked before
like being slapped with hands,
it got to the point of making you
but I do not like being whipped
feel uncomfortable/violated.
or kicked or punched.) It can be
Sometimes when we’re in a
helpful to set up a “safeword” that
situation where we feel shocked
wouldn’t usually be said during
(e.g. suddenly someone grabs us/
sex. Good safe words are unique,
kisses us) we can freeze up! It is our
not mistaken for other words, and
body and mind trying to figure out
helps to kill the mood if you need
what is going on. It is natural to
something to stop.
13
onLinE Dating Online dating is becoming more and more common as we live in a digital age. From anonymous chat rooms, to matchmaking websites, to dating apps! It is an easy way to meet lots of new people without having to leave your house. Some will have great experiences and find someone they really connect with. Some will have unexceptional dates. Some will experience strange and potentially dangerous situations. The following section will cover saying safe in online dating spaces. 14
I really wasn’t the type of person who
would lock eyes with a stranger sitting across the bar... ALICE queer/bisexual//Korean//cis woman
and hours, discovering new places in the city together. We went to a museum exhibit on our second date. A film screening for our third
... I’m still not. So a few years
date. All this time, we had a lot of
ago, after a particularly painful
fun, and more importantly, I felt
breakup, I resorted to online
safe and comfortable. We moved
dating. Meeting people from the
in together, moved to Canada
comfort of my own home, without
together, and got married.
having to leave my bed! It felt like every homebody’s dream. But
But not every date I had went
what I loved the most was that I
this well. Not every message I
felt more in control of who I got to
received online was pleasant.
talk to and go on dates with, be-
Ranging from fetishization to
cause I could do my research (i.e.
threats, there were so many
read people’s profiles and study
moments that made me feel
up on our potential compatibility)
angry, scared, and discouraged.
before I met them in person. This
If there’s anything I learned from
was very empowering, as I’ve
my online dating experiences,
always found it quite difficult to
it’s that dating should be fun. It
reject or ignore people in real
should feel good! You deserve to
life, mostly in fear of their po-
enjoy yourself when you’re on a
tentially violent reaction. Online,
date, feeling happy and flirty and
ignoring people was made simple
comfortable. So if there’s any-
with the ‘block user’ button.
thing telling you – especially your gut feeling – that something feels
I had just moved to the UK when I
even a little bit wrong, remember
met my current partner on OkCu-
to trust yourself. But if you’re will-
pid. I wanted to meet new people
ing to take some precautions and
to explore what my new home
work up the courage to dive in,
had to offer. On our first date, we
online dating can prove useful,
walked around the city for hours
fun, and rewarding.
While dating, Asian women may connect
with a non-Asian person who seem to be very sexually attracted to only the fact that we are Asian.
Some people will even openly
helpful to disclose on their online
declare that they have an Asian
dating profile that they are trans,
fetish. This means that this
as there have been documented
person is especially attracted to
cases of trans women being hurt
Asian people because of their
or murdered when their date
race. Some people do not mind
did not know about their trans
it when people say they have
identity. Sometimes it can feel like
an Asian fetish. Others are very
the other person is very fixated on
upset when people say this.
your trans identity, your genitals,
Someone may find it frustrating
and your trans-ness in general.
or upsetting as it can feel like
They may ask extremely personal
someone is stereotyping them
questions right at the beginning
to be a certain way. In the media,
about your genitals and your
there is a very common portrayal
identity. They may also be very
of East Asian women as quiet,
rude to you. They may have felt
short, skinny, pale, beautiful,
that you “tricked” them and state
virginal, and submissive. So when
that they “are not gay”. While this
someone says they have “yellow
is disturbing, it can be a reality
fever”, some may find it offensive,
for many trans women and non-
as they may feel that this person
binary people. Your womanhood
is only interested in their fantasy
is as you define it. There are many
of an “Asian”, and not actually the
people and communities, even
individual.
though you may not have met them yet, that agree with you
As an Asian trans woman,
and support your trans identity.
there can even be a double fetish.
Supports can be found at the end
People may view you as exotic, a
of this resource.
kink, or a fantasy. For their own safety, some trans women find it
16
Dating apps are a great way to meet people and are very common in
Canada. People sometimes have great experiences where they meet a very
compatible partner, some people have had less than ideal experiences. General safety tips: 1.
Meet in a public and neutral place for your first date.
2. Tell a friend that you are going on a date with someone that
you met online. Set up a time
5. Never give out your credit card number or social insurance number.
6. Do not lend significant
amounts money to your date
when your friend can text or
as there is a risk that you may
call you just to check in. Set up
be getting taken advantage of.
a discreet word to indicate that the date is not going well or if
7. Keep an eye on your drink. That means you watch the
you have a bad feeling about
waiter or bartender hand you
the date.
the drink personally or watch
3. Listen to your intuition. Best
your date receive the drinks
case scenario in listening to
and walk them over to you. If
your intuition is that you get to
you start feeling like you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t
leave a potentially dangerous
control your body, leave your
situation. Worst case scenario,
date, signal to any person
you left a little too early, but
around you to call 911, or call
you can meet them again or
911 yourself.
meet new people later.
4. Prepare
an excuse to leave
when you begin to have any suspicion.
17
LESBIAN GAY BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER QUEER QUESTIONING INTERSEX PANSEXUAL TWO-SPIRITED ASEXUAL AGENDER
18
I did not know the terms “homosexuality”
and “gay” existed until I attended college. “JOYNA”
much about my sexual orientation; I think it was due to growing
newcomer from China//lesbian
up in a very heteronormative
I did not know the terms “homo-
persists. However, there seems to
sexuality” and “gay” existed until
be more young individuals com-
I attended college. It was during
ing out as LGBTQ+. So, I think our
my college years that I knew I was
society is slowly progressing. For
culture, which unfortunately still
gay, and had my first girlfriend.
instance, I see more information
However, looking back, there
about gender identity and ex-
were early signs that I was not
pression, and sexual orientation
straight. I had a crush on one of
being available. That is why I am
my junior high school teachers.
glad that our society is becom-
I also had feelings towards a
ing more receptive towards the
girl in high school. During those
LGBT+ community, a community I
times, I did not think or question
am proud to be part of.
Having an LGBTQ+ identity as an Asian person can be a point of connection and a source of isolation at the same time. When it is a point of isolation, it can be very difficult to cope and can lead to many harmful behaviours like using substances, participating in sexually risky behaviours (like unprotected sex with a stranger), self harm, and may even lead to suicidal thoughts and/or actions. When we don’t feel supported in our sexual identity, it is important for us to find and create our own support networks, sometimes referred to as chosen families. ‘Chosen family’ in this resource refers to one’s own familial bonds formed with the freedom to choose one’s family outside of the biological family. If you’re feeling alone and isolated because of your LGBTQ+ identity and want help finding your chosen family, or need tools and tips, you can find resources at the end of this booklet.
People will identify however they will and it is important to mirror the same language they choose to identify themselves. Here are some: DEFINITIONS OF SOME SEXUALITIES: Lesbian: a self-identified woman
Intersex: an individual born
who is attracted to women.
with ambiguous genitalia which doctors cannot easily label as
Gay: a self-identified man who is
male or female.
attracted to men; also used as an Pansexual: an individual,
umbrella term for LGBTQ+.
regardless of gender, who is Bisexual: an individual,
attracted to other people,
regardless of gender, who is
regardless of gender.
attracted to men and women. 2-Spirited: an umbrella term used Transgender: an individual,
by Indigenous people in North
regardless of genitals, whose
America. It refers to someone
gender identity and gender
who has both a feminine and
assigned at birth do not
masculine spirit.
correspond. Asexual: can be shortened to Queer: an umbrella term for
â&#x20AC;&#x153;aceâ&#x20AC;?. Someone who does not
someone who identifies as
experience sexual attraction.
LGBTQ+. In some places queer
This is not the same as romantic
is a negative and hurtful word.
feelings; it is also not a fear of
In most of North America,
sexual experiences.
queer is used as a term for anyone who identifies within the
Agender: A self-identified term for
LGBTQQIP2SAA+ spectrum.
someone who does not identify with the rigid genders of female or
Questioning: an individual
male; also can identify as gender
who is questioning their
non-conforming or gender non-
sexual orientation, sex, gender
binary person.
expression, and/or sexual preference. 20
DEFINITIONS OF SOME GENDER IDENTITIES: Cis/Cisgender (sis-JEN-der)
Genderqueer [adj.]: self identified
[adj.]: a person whose gender
gender expression; refers to
identity and gender assigned at
people who do not identify strictly
birth are the same. If you identify
as male or female but rather a
as a woman, and at birth, you
gender-free individual whose
were told you were a girl, this
identity may continue to evolve
means that you are a cisgender
and change over time.
woman. Non-binary/NB/gender nonbinary [adj.]: a gender category
Tricky words:
that is not exclusively in the
These tricky words should be
male-female binary. It is a valid
used with discretion. Some will
way someone may identify
find these words very offensive as
and is an accepted gender
these words have historically been
identification. It is an umbrella
used to shame an individualâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s
term and can mean different
sexuality. These words are in the
things to different non-binary
process of being reclaimed. This
people. There are many synonyms
means the identities affected by
like genderfluid, genderqueer,
these words are trying to change
agender, androgynous, boi,
the negativity and turn it positive.
bigender, multigender, etc. It is important to mirror the
Dyke: Refers to a lesbian.
language a person uses. If they
Faggot: Refers to a gay person
identify as genderqueer, they
Tranny: Refers to a trans person.
may not identify as agender. It is important to listen, respect peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s genders, and learn! Trans/Transgender [adj.]: an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and gender assigned at birth are not the same. If you were born and assigned male at birth but identify as a woman, you may identify as a transgender woman.
21
sexwork SOME TERMS:
sex work anymore but a different
BBBJ: Bare Back Blow Job; oral
actively seek out this relationship
one. Some people (Sugar Babies)
sex without condom.
in the beginning by meeting
GFE: Girlfriend Experience;
restaurants, hotels, and online.
Daddies at high-end clubs, Some pejorative and vulgar-sounding
clients sometimes ask sex workers
terms for sex workers include hooker,
for GFE to experience more
whore, prostitute, prosti, etc. Nicer terms
intimacy. This could mean kissing,
include escort and sex worker.
cuddling, and any sexual act without condom.
PHYSICAL SAFETY
If you are doing in-calls, you
Incall: sex work taking place where you live or stay.
may want to consider having
Outcall: sex work taking place
yourself if something potentially
something that can protect goes wrong. Things that you can
where your client lives (house, apartment) or is staying (hotel).
consider are:
Sugar Daddies: sometimes,
Pepper Spray – This is designated as a Prohibited Weapon in
regular clients may elevate the
Canada even though it is sold
relationship to an exclusive
in stores and online in Canada.
relationship by providing
The loophole is that the pepper
continued financial assistance
spray is packaged as intended
where the sex worker doesn’t
for protection from animals, not
see other clients. This client may
human use and qualified as a pest
then be called a “Sugar Daddy”.
control product under Canada’s
Some people don’t see this as 22
Sex work can be defined in multiple ways, but basically, it’s any form of sex for money. In Canada, a sex worker is sometimes called an escort, which is a nicer-sounding and ambiguous term. The laws surrounding sex work in Canada keep changing so the focus of this section will be on how to stay healthy and safe if you enter sex work!
Pest Control Product Act. Know
some organizations that offer
that you can still be charged with
free trial classes. Check local
a criminal offence for personal
gyms near you.
protection if you carry it with you in a casual setting. Exercise discretion and caution with this product.
SOMETIMES….
Clients will tempt you by offering to pay more for bareback sex. If you regularly get tested and are
Baseball bat – This is totally
on PrEP consistently, you might
legal but you may want to keep
choose to do it. But remember
it hidden so that only you know
that being on PrEP does not
where it is when you need it.
protect you from other STIs.
Have a friend on speed dial –
Clients will inquire if you
You may want to have a friend
“party”. This is a slang for using
who understand what you
drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, or
are doing so that this person
meth. Using drugs may impair
can help you in emergency
your judgment on making safe
situations. Make it a practice to
choices.
have this friend know where and when you are working so they are alert of your whereabouts. Do this especially when you make outcalls. Enroll in self-defense classes – Educate yourself in how you can best protect yourself. There are 23
sti
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are infections that can be transmitted through sexual activities. Sometimes they are referred to as sexually transmitted diseases (STD) or sexually transmitted and blood borne infections (STBBI).
MEET LOCAL STIS NEAR YOU !
It is important to learn about STIs so you know how to stay safe and healthy. If you have
= BACTERIAL
contracted an STI, it doesn’t
= VIR AL
Chlamydia (klah-MID-ee-ya) & Gonorrhea (gone-oh-REE-ya)
make you a bad person or mean that your sex life is over.
>>
Some of them can be cured easily with antibiotics, while
Chlamydia and gonorrhea are very similar in symptoms and treatment. The main difference
some are treated with daily
is that chlamydia is caused
medication. STIs are common and,
by Chlamydia trachomatis
unfortunately, deeply stigmatized.
bacteria and gonorrhea
You’re not alone! Most people
is caused by Neisseria
will have contracted an STI at
gonorrhoeae.
least once in their lifetime if they are sexually active.
When should you go to a sexual health clinic?
>>
Typically cured with a single dose or 7
>>
Can get treatment at sexual health
days of antibiotics.
clinics, walk-in clinics, and family doctors office. Free testing and
You should go to a sexual health clinic if you have sex. Some
treatment available.
>>
people may visit as frequently as
tested in between partners, especially if you are having
extra fluids that isn’t pee or semen (we call discharge).
every 3 months or every couple of years. It is a good idea to get
Symptoms: hurts when you pee,
Syphilis (SI-fil-iss)
>>
Spread through unprotected sex with an infected person or intimate contact with chancres
unprotected sex.
(KANG-ker or SHANG-ker) on
24
genitals, mouth, or throat. Can also look like a rash or flat warts.
>>
Bacterial infection that is cured
>>
Sometimes it is hard to detect if
with an injectable antibiotic.
you have syphilis because you may not have symptoms, or you may confuse symptoms for something else. It is important to get regular
HIV > Spread through an active fluid exchange between one poz person to a not poz person > No cure as of 2018, however there are many treatments available
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
testing to know your status.
Herpes (HER-peez)
>>
Spread through direct oral or genital skin contact with an infected partner.
>>
Herpessoresarepainfulandgenerallyshow up on the lips or on the genitals. Not all infected people will develop symptoms.
>>
Can I get STI and HIV testing if I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have OHIP? Yes! At any public health sexual health clinic.
Can I get free STI treatments without OHIP? Yes! Treatment for chlamydia,
Lifetime infection, you will not die from
gonorrhea, and syphilis are free at any
herpes, many people have babies and
public health sexual health clinic. HPV
families and live long healthy lives with
wart removal is covered by OHIP.
herpes infection.
>>
Most people have some strain of
Ok, what about the other ones?
herpes; it is extremely common
Herpes usually does not need
globally.
treatment, but if treatment is required,
HPV or Human Papillomavirus (HYOU-man PAP-il-OH-mah VAI-ris)
>>
Spread through direct genital and anal skin contact and oral sex, can spread through genital to genital rubbing.
>>
Viral infection that often will cure itself.
>>
There are over 100 types (or strains) and at least40thatcancausegenitalwartsand/ or cancer.
>>
There is a vaccine called GARDASILÂŽ9. Speaktoyourhealthcareproviderformore information.
it is covered by government health plans and may or may not be covered by private insurance.
How often should I get tested for STIs? It depends on how many sexual partners you have. You can go as often as every 3 months, to once a year. It is a good idea to get tested every year even if you have a monogamous and long term partner. You should get tested immediately if you are experiencing symptoms like it
25
Is there medication to prevent HIV?
hurts when you pee or if you have
>>
warts and/or sores on your genitals or mouth.
Yes! PrEP is Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (pro-fil-LACKS-sis) that is taken daily. It is 99%
HIV 101
effective against contracting
HIV is short for Human Immuno-
HIV and most people who take
deficiency (im-MYU-no de-FISH-
it do not suffer serious side
en-see) Virus. It describes a
effects.
disease where a virus suppresses
Should HIV+ people avoid
your immune system so that it
pregnancy?
is more difficult to stay in good
>>
health. The virus attacks the red blood cells and makes your body
There are medications that poz pregnant people can take to reduce their risks of
weaker when fighting off sickness.
transmission. There are real
If left untreated, it can lead to
life examples of HIV+ people
AIDS (Aquired Immunodeficiency
birthing HIV- babies.
Syndrome). Today, there is treatment
Can cis women become HIV+?
and care for those living with
>>
HIV. We are now finding People living with HIV/AIDS (PHAs) are
Yes, any human exposed to HIV positive blood, semen, precum, vaginal fluids, anal fluids, and
living as long as people who are
breast/chestmilk can potentially
HIV negative. PHAs are having
become HIV positive.
biological children who are HIV negative, and have unprotected sex without transmitting HIV!
Undetectable = Untrasmissible (U=U)
Q&A
and you are taking your medication,
means that if you are HIV positive
Can you get HIV from a bug bite?
>>
you could lower the copies of the
No, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s called HUMAN
virus in your blood enough so that
immunodeficiency virus. The
you cannot transmit HIV. When you
virus infects only humans, and
take your medication as directed,
is transmitted only among
you can get a blood test that shows
humans.
that you have an undetectable viral load. This does not mean that you
Which body fluids can transmit HIV?
>>
are cured of HIV. This means that
Blood, semen, precum, vaginal
a poz person could not transmit
fluids, anal fuilds, and breast/
HIV if they had unprotected sex
chest milk. Saliva, tears, poop,
with an HIV- person. This is only
pee, and sweat are not fluids
applicable for sexual transmission
that can transmit the virus. HIV
and is not applicable for things like
does not spread from skin-to-
pregnancy, chest/breastfeeding, or
skin touching.
26
intravenous drug use.
SOME RESOURCES
Maggie’s – Toronto Sex Workers’ Action Project: maggiestoronto.ca
RESOURCES ON SEXUAL
maggiesinformation@gmail.com
ASSAULT AND RAPE
416-964-0150
Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres www.casac.ca/node/61 Toronto Rape Crisis Centre Crisis number: 416-597-8808
MENTAL HEALTH AND ABUSE RESOURCES Assaulted Women’s Helpline GTA: 416-863-0511
www.trccmwar.ca Barbra Schlifer Clinic 416-323-9149 info@schliferclinic.com Ontario Network of Sexual Assault/ Domestic Violence Treatment Centres
Toll Free 1-866-863-0511 Hong Fook Mental Health Association: Mental Health organization that serves East and Southeast Asians 416-493-4242
www.sadvtreatmentcentres.ca RESOURCES ON SEXUALITY
info@hongfook.ca Toronto Distress Centre Distress line: 416-408-4357
East and Southeast Asian LGBTQ+
Distress mobile text number: 741741
info@acas.org
Survivor Support Program:
LGBTQ Youthline
416-595-1716
Youthline.ca
Toll free: 1-800-268-9688
Trans LifeLine: peer support services, hotline, and resources for trans folks
www.torontodistresscentre.com KidsHelpPhone: for those 20 and under 1-800-668-6868
1-877-330-6366 RESOURCES ON SEX WORK Sex Professionals of Canada: English only; provides information and resources on legal action, filing
RESOURCES ON STIS Sexual Health Information Line of Ontario (SHILO) formerly AIDS and Sexual Health Information Line Local number: 416-392-2437
taxes, bad client lists, and more
Toll-free: 1-800-668-2437
www.spoc.ca
Sex & U
Migrant Sex Workers Project:
www.sexandu.ca
Migrantsexworkers.com Butterfly: Asian and Migrant Sex Workers Network: 416-906-3098
(RESOURCES CONTINUES ON THE BACK) >
cswbutterfly@gmail.com www.butterflysw.org
27
RESOURCES ABOUT HIV
Canadian AIDS Treatment
Asian Community AIDS Services
Information Exchange (CATIE):
(ACAS): Treatment.acas.org Alliance South Asian AIDS Prevention (ASAAP): A non-profit organization that serves South, Southeast, and West Asians in HIV prevention, HIV support, LGBTQ education, and sexual health educaiton.
www.catie.ca
More resources can be found on the PDF version of this booklet which can be found through www.acas.org
AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT): actoronto.org 416-340-2437 ask@actoronto.org
REFERENCES Broeckaert, Logan, and Laurel Challacombe. “Rapid Point-of-Care HIV Testing: A Review of the Evidence.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, www.catie.ca/en/ pif/spring-2015/rapid-point-care-hiv-testing-review-evidence. Challacombe, L. “The Epidemiology of HIV in Canada.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, CATIE, 2018, www.catie.ca/fact-sheets/epidemiology/epidemiology-hivcanada. “HIV Information.” AIDS Committee of Newfoundland and Labrador, 28 May 2018, acnl.net hiv-information. Iqbal, M M. “Can We Get AIDS from Mosquito Bites? ” Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports., U.S. National Library of Medicine, Aug. 1999, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ pubmed/10554479. Tyler, Jr, Carl W., and Michael B. Gregg. “Recommendations for Prevention of HIV Transmission in Health-Care Settings.” Edited by R. Elliott Churchhill, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov/MMWR/preview/MMWRhtml/00023587.htm. “U=U.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, CATIE , www.catie. ca/en/positiveside/summer-2017/uu .
