ENTRE NOUS
Operation Advisory: Know Your Operator BY CLAUDE DUCLOUX
Y
es, it’s true. Artificial intelligence will be taking over soon. I say, “Whew, thank goodness!” More time for me to watch the Real Housewives of American Idol’s Bachelorville. Now, I’m sure my new car is much smarter than I am, but I hate that it proves it every day by telling me to stop when I get a little too close to the trash cans in the garage. Good grief… that’s my wife’s job! So soon we will be at the mercy of systems that merely endure our usage. And, I predict, the more sophisticated A.I. becomes, the less tolerant these machines will be of our pitiful human skills. Wait! That’s it. That’s where we got ‘em! So long as we have some control over them, we have the upper hand. We will drive them crazy, just like we did our teenagers by
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AUSTINLAWYER | JUNE 2019
asking them to explain who Napster is. What sweet revenge! For too long, we have had to figure out the idiosyncrasies of our machines, especially our cars (remember how Uncle Rudy was the ONLY one who knew how to start the Studebaker?), and kitchen appliances (“Don’t set it on 350. This oven runs hotter! And don’t put banana peels in the disposal.”). Well, it’s time to turn the tables. Make the machines cater
to our idiosyncrasies. We’ll drive them crazy. Soon, the machines themselves will have to teach
other machines how to deal with US! Let their frustration begin. I envision this training memo:
MEMO: Mandatory Training FROM: Master Control, Central CPU CentCom TO: All Network Associated Computational Integrations; Units AI-5000, AI-5300, and AI-5100c, and memory banks 104, 301, 302 & 303. As CentCom welcomes all operational computational units, experiential recaptures have demonstrated unrealistic expectations of operational achievement by the newer units, vis-à-vis the competency of your individual organic input directors (aka, the humans directing your operational tasks, hereinafter “Operators”). This communication is intended to moderate your expectations,
