free Inspired advice for parents of tweens & teens Interdependence: How to NEGOTIATE successful outcomes for you AND your teen
After School Activities for tweens & teens
FEELING SAD VERSUS BEING DEPRESSED
AUTUMN 2017
HOW TO REALLY SUPPORT A
pregnant teen
JOHANNA GRIGGS ON PARENTING YOUNG ADULTS
snapchat what you need to know
ONLINE
WiN!
A moochies mobile-watch for kids!
PORN
IMPACTS WE
CAN'T IGNORE
ROMEO S ’
At Romeo’s we are a family that prides ourselves on supplying you with the freshest local ingredients. Whether you want fresh baked rolls, succulent grain fed meat, ocean fresh seafood or our daily market fresh produce, we look forward to serving you soon.
everyday
family value • Athelstone • Croydon • Daw Park • Erindale • Fairview Park • Glenelg South • Greenwith • Lockleys • Magill • Marion • McLaren Vale • Mitcham • Modbury • Morphett Vale • Normanville • North Adelaide • Old Reynella • Port Adelaide • Rosewater • Rostrevor • Salisbury East • Stirling
est. 1987
www.romeosretailgroup.com.au
contents
18
AUTUMN 2017
lifestyle
community
9. Teen Girl Fashion Is it sport-inspired street wear or is it street-inspired action wear? Either way it's both comfortable AND stylish.
18. Local teens tackle issues through theatre The 2017 DreamBIG Children’s Festival will once again provide a platform for South Australian young people to showcase their talents and explore a wide range of issues, including difficult topics such as cyber bullying, peer pressure, grief and isolation.
parenting 12. (Don't) Mind the Gap Don’t mind the gap year. Injecting her usual humour, Jo Bainbridge shares her thoughts about her son’s choice to take a gap year before university! 14. Interdependence The way to build resilience, respect and interdependence with your ‘big kids’ is to stop rescuing them, let them learn, include them in negotiations and be clear about your boundaries while keeping the lines of love and communication open.
cover story 24. My House Rules Juliet talks to Aussie TV icon Johanna Griggs about how she succeeded in raising responsible young men.
the big issue 28. Online pornography In this fast-paced digital era, hard-core online porn is being streamed to younger children every day. Juliet Pannozzo questions the effects it’s having on our teens.
24
“You can’t ask them to be engaged and wellrounded then to ‘sit and be quiet’ when it suits you” Johanna Griggs
4
autumn 2017
feature article 28. Extra-Curricular activities Jodi shares some ideas for teenfriendly after school activities you might not have considered. 32. Snapchat for Dummies Snapchat is rapidly growing in popularity on a daily basisAmanda Somerville highlights the ins and outs of this relatively new social media platform. 34. Is my child depressed or sad? At what point do we know a child is ‘depressed’ as opposed to ‘sad’ and when is the right time to seek help? GP Lane Hinchcliffe explains the difference and offers useful tips for concerned parents. 36. How to support a teenager through pregnancy Supporting a teenage daughter during pregnancy can be difficult and uncertain for parents, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen relationships, Sarah Hausler, explains how.
TRAVEL FEATURE 49. Kangaroo Island Paradise Kangaroo Island is nature's own adventure playground for kids and adults alike and the ultimate setting for a family holiday. Amazing wildlife, spectacular coastal scenery, beautiful beaches and so many COOL things to do!
journey YOUR
here
STARTS
Launch into an exciting new career with up-to-date, practical courses designed with your future in mind. + Courses in nursing and aged care
+ Placements available with leading employers
+ Access to university pathways + Highly experienced trainers + Flexible study options
CA151600195
START YOUR JOURNEY TODAY. 1300 319 986 info@careersaustralia.edu.au Careers Australia Education Institute Pty Ltd ABN 76 120 675 505, RTO 22479, CRICOS 03224D. Careers Australia Institute of Training Pty Ltd ABN 30 122 082 204, RTO 31470, CRICOS 03026K.
avery is growing up
Published by Avery Magazine Editor Juliet Pannozzo Director Nicole Aspinall
W
elcome to our first edition for 2017, and what will also be our last as Avery Magazine. Don't worry - we're not going anywhere - South Australian parents still need us! But just like our kids, Avery is growing up and finding itself. Look out for the same inspired parenting and lifestyle advice in your free copy of the revamped SA Teen magazine in Romeo's Foodland and IGA stores this winter. I’m excited to be able to share Johanna Griggs' story as she reflects on the transition from raising teens to parenting young men. Her refreshing take on traditional values is on page 24. In this fast-paced digital era, hard-core online porn is being streamed to younger and younger children every day. I questioned the effects it’s having on teens, and what options parents have to help the situation in "Is your head in the sand?" p. 20). We again have excellent parenting information from family counsellor Emma Holdsworth (“Negotiating successful outcomes for you and your teen,” p. 14), while Jodie Benveniste discusses parenting with your head, heart and soul in “Parents are Teachers too” (p. 40). Lane Hinchcliffe, a young doctor who specialises in adolescent health, answers the question for us, "how do I know if my child is depressed or just sad?" (p. 34) And our resident wellbeing guru, Sarah, offers her advice on how to really support a pregnant teenager. (p. 36) For those who love to get out and about make sure you check out the fabulous DreamBIG Festival this May, see Jane's inspirational story on page 18. Happy reading and please connect with us on Facebook! www.facebook.com/AveryParentMag
6
autumn 2017
Juliet Pannozzo, Editor
CONTRIBUTORS Jo Bainbridge, Jodie Benveniste, Sarah Hausler, Lane Hinchcliffe, Emma Holdsworth, Jane Miller, Karen O'Connor, Juliet Pannozzo, Jodi Shaw, Amanda Somerville, Ruby Stewart
COVER PHOTO Courtesy Channel 7
PRINT Print Know How www.printknowhow.com.au
DISTRIBUTION Romeo's Foodland, IGA and SupaIGA www.romeosretailgroup.com.au
ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES sales@averymagazine.com.au
GENERAL ENQUIRIES Address PO Box 715 Prospect East SA 5082 Email hello@averymagazine.com.au Website www.averymagazine.com.au
COPYRIGHT All material appearing in Avery Magazine is copyright unless otherwise stated or it may rest with the provider of the supplied material. No part of Avery Magazine will be reproduced without written permission from the Publisher. Avery Magazine takes all care to ensure information is correct at the time of printing, but the publisher accepts no responsibility or liability for the accuracy of any content, illustrations, photographs, advertisements or pricing. Views expressed are not neccessarily endorsed by the publisher or editor.
HELPING YOU TO LIVE A
FULLER LIFE Life is a constant flow, and as your work, family and home adjusts to new patterns and change, we would like to encourage you to invest in your own wellbeing. Our professional and hands on approach can help you, whether it be through personalised physiotherapy, specialised classes or simply a friendly introduction to our range of professional services. Please come and visit us in our comfortable and convenient CBD location, and take the first step in becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.
We are a preferred provider for Bupa, Health Partners, Medibank Private and HCF. Level 6/108 King William St & within Goodlife Gymnasium, 81 King William St
CIT166640(1)2016
8212 4886 cityphysiotherapy.com.au facebook.com/CityPhysiotherapy
contributors
WE’VE SCOURED THE STATE TO BRING TOGETHER OUR AMAZING TEAM OF EXPERTS.
emma grey
ALEX LAGUNA
Columnist A published author, speaker and trainer, Emma is the mother of two teenage girls and a three year old boy. She also has two step-children in their early twenties.
Columnist If he’s not trying to be a better father, and helping other men do the same, Alex is working in his film and television lighting company. www.betterdads.com
www.worklifebliss.com.au
jo bainbridge
emma holdsworth
Columnist A Gen X wife and mother of three teens. Jo loves chocolate, wine, 80s music and good company.
Family Counsellor A counsellor and parent educator, Emma is passionate about supporting families to transform their relationships.
www.talkingteens.com.au
www.treehousecounselling.com.au
SARAH SHANAHAN
SARAH HAUSLER
Stylist A professional organiser with a passion for interior design, Sarah is a mother of four teens who thrives on order and organisation.
Editor A journalist, Occupational Therapist and mum, Sarah combines clinical expertise and a love of writing to inspire, inform and support parents and families.
www.sarahshouse.com.au
www.sarahhausler.com.au
jessica donovan
TROY JONES
Naturopath A women’s holistic health expert, Jess’ down to earth approach helps empower women to take charge of their own and their family’s wellbeing.
Columnist Troy Jones is a best selling author, award winning film maker and father of Matilda and Charlie. His book, Being Dad, went best seller in 2014.
www.energeticmama.com
www.beingdad.com.au
annie harvey
ruby stewart
Education A teacher who believes all children can reach their full potential if they are supported in their learning.
Columnist At 14, Ruby has her sights set on a career in journalism. Her loves include netball, softball, piano, reading and One Direction.
www.kipmcgrath.com.au/holdfastbay
jenni eyles
maria keszler
www.stylingcurvy.com
www.herns.com.au
Columnist A mum of two teenage boys, proudly curvy, a lover of all things pretty and a cancer thriver.
8
autumn 2017
Finance Experienced accountant and partner at a community based, family focused accounting firm.
(life)style | teen girl fashion 3 1
4 2
5
street style
activewear 12
Is it sport-inspired street wear or is it street-inspired action wear? Either way it's both comfortable AND stylish. It’s all about transitioning easily between sport or the gym and day to day activities. A great pair of trainers and sports bra are essential for the game or workout. This season's look is peachy keen with a touch of tough granite!
10
11
8
6
7
www.seedheritage.com
.au
9
1. SEED HERITAGE TANKS from $29.95, 2. COTTON ON RUN SHORT $24.95, 3. NIKE WATER BOTTLE $19.95, 4. FITBIT from $129.95, 5. MOVE. NOURISH. BELIEVE by Lorna Jane $39.99, 6. EVERLAST BOXING CROP from KMART $12, 7. SEED HERITAGE METALLIC ANORAK $89.95, 8. ADIDAS YEEZY $255.95, 9. ADIDAS YEEZY $339.95, 10. SPORTSGIRL SATIN CAP $19.95, 11. EVERLAST SNAPBACK CAP from KMART $10, 11. KMART 2 PACK SPORTS BRA $19.
autumn 2017
9
(life)style | highlight
autumn 2017 high·light n. An especially significant or interesting detail or event. New Monarto Zoo tour on
Murray Princess Cruise
Captain Cook Cruises has added an exciting new on shore tour to their Murray Princess and Murraylands and Wildlife Cruises with guests now able to visit Monarto Zoo, the largest open-range zoo in the world, on a Wildlife Tour. Murray Princess guests will be transferred from Murray Bridge to Monarto Zoo by coach where they will be led by a guide through the zoo's Wildlife Tour.
For Further information and bookings please contact 1300
729 938
Email: murrayprincess@sealink.com.au Visit: www.murrayprincess.com.au
MOOCHIES BLUE Keep your teenRRP smiling $139.99 Dental care is free for most teenagers at the School Dental Service. Healthy smiles are worth protecting. Dental health is important to overall health and wellbeing. School Dental Service teams offer expert dental care to teenagers and all children under 18 years. Clinics are located throughout Adelaide and all major regional centres. Find your local clinic and make an appointment today. www.sahealth.sa.gov.au/sadental
10
autumn 2017
The 2017 DreamBIG Children’s Festival is bursting with shows, events, activities, workshops and more that promise to entertain and inspire as well as educate and motivate young South Australian minds. The theme of this year’s festival is Feed The Mind The Festival runs from May 18-27
(life)style | highlight
Moochies mobile-watch for kids is an ideal first mobile phone as it emphasises safety and puts parents in control of who can contact their child. Parents download an app on their own phone which connects to the device. Through the app, parents can locate the child using GPS and approve 10 contacts who can interact with the device. Children love the fun design of Moochies as they feel like a secret agent using a wrist-watch with touch screen interface to make phone calls. As it's worn like a watch, it’s difficult for children to lose. Moochies features child-to-child handshake connection, tells the time and has a built in pedometer and alarm clock. Moochies is designed with child safety in mind. In an emergency situation, kids press an ‘SOS’ button, to raise an alarm on all mobiles connected to the device. A 15-second sound recording of the situation will be sent to the contacts, as well as the child’s location.
WiN!
A moochies mobile-watch for kids!
MOOCHIES BLUE RRP $139.99
MOOCHIES PINK RRP $139.99
Moochies is available in pink, blue, lime and black from www.moochiesforkids.com.au RRP $139.99. Avery magazine is delighted to offer readers a chance to win a Moochies mobile-watch! MOOCHIES BLUE Email entries to hello@averymagazine.com.au RRPwith $139.99 the subject line “Moochies” and include your name, address and phone number. Entries close 31 May 2017.
wi n!
MOOCHIES PINK RRP $139.99
The Princess Bitchface Syndrome 2.0
The tables are turning in 2017 MOOCHIES LIME and Adelaide Festival Centre’s RRP $139.99 Adelaide Cabaret Festival invites What do you do when your previously quiet, you to join the revolution and loving daughter becomes a restless, rebellious MOOCHIES PINK discover the sumptuous offerings stranger who acts like a responsible adult one day in its 2017 program. Discover RRP $139.99 and a rude, selfish brat the next? new venues and old friends and expect to feel upturned, By the time they turn thirteen, adolescent girls look challenged and delighted by For more information, interviews or images please contact: like they're ready for WordStorm anything but Eckhardt they're not. PR – – Elena incredible performers that could P: 02 8272 3209 / M: 0423 121 365 / E: elena@wordstormpr.com.au Our girls are growing up in a society that is rapidly change your world view. changing and challenging the skills of even the
By Michael Carr-Gregg & Elly Robinson
MOOCHIES BLACK RRP $139.99
most experienced parents. A roadmap is needed to guide parents through this new landscape, to ensure we bring up happy, healthy young women. This indispensable book focuses on the special trials of raising adolescent girls today, including:
MOOCHIES BLACK $139.99 TheRRP phenomenal
Australian bestseller – over 100,000 copies sold
· adolescent development in a new society MOOCHIES LIME · pressures at school RRP $139.99 · parenting strategies that work · parenting in the digital age · sex and drugs and mental health.
In this fully revised and expanded edition, leading adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg and researcher Elly Robinson also discuss the single most prolific and influential factor of our times – technology. If you feel like you’re losing control when it comes to parenting your daughter, it's time to grab back the reins.
For more information, interviews or images please contact: WordStorm PR – Elena Eckhardt P: 02 8272 3209 /The M: 0423 121 365 / E: elena@wordstormpr.com.au Princess Bitchface Syndrome 2.0, By Dr-Michael Carr-Gregg & Elly Robinson.
Aged between 18 and 30? Join Adelaide Festival Centre’s Greenroom program for cheap tickets, free workshops and special events. adelaidefestivalcentre.com.au/ greenroom Full program and tickets are on sale through BASS 131 246 or adelaidecabaretfestival.com.au. Program details are available online and in the Adelaide Cabaret Festival brochure. Get one free by calling BASS 131 246 or visit Adelaide Cabaret Festival’s website.
Penguin Random House Australia, $22.99. Buy your copy at penguin.com.au/books
autumn 2017
11
DON'T
parenting | with jo bainbridge
MIND
THE
GAP
When Eldest finished high school he emerged as a mature, responsible, caring person with a strong group of friends and self-confidence I could have only dreamed of having at his age. Overall, he was a pretty awesome human being. Go us! I mean…Go him! The other thing he came out with was an overwhelming desire to take a break from school; he was exhausted. As soon as exams were over he had started talking Gap Year.
T
interests them. For Eldest, it was a career option that does o begin with I was unsure of the whole Gap Year benefit from a degree, so getting into university was step thing. The image in my head was him lazing on one. As soon as exams were over he announced he would the couch 24 hours a day, only taking his hands work as much as he could, also mumbling about a website off the Xbox controller to shove more Cheezels called “thisiswhyimbroke.com”? So that is what he did. into his gob. Gaming was one of his ‘go to’ activities when As fate would have it, December and January dealt he wanted to chill-lax (yep, apparently that is a thing), so him two cards that he was not of course I jumped to worse case anticipating. First, he did not get scenario and figured a Gap Year the scores he desired for his chosen would be 365 days of slobbery. course. Not the end of the world. The objective, mature argument All I could see in my mind’s eye It simply meant a divergence from I was met with was “No I will get one pathway to another. Until a job. Plus, I have to get into uni was him lazing on the couch 24 he worked out how exactly, he before I can actually have a Gap hours a day, only taking his hands decided to keep working. There Year.” Fair point. off the X-box controller to shove goes the need for discussing the Going to university was not more Cheezels into his gob. Gap Year! Then a few weeks later, an expectation we placed upon our children. To be honest I when sorting through his spam know so many people with uni folder, he found an email from the degrees (and the HECS debt that university of his choice. He had goes with it) who are now in a completely different field. actually got in! Yay! But, what now? What else can you expect when you demand a 17-yearThe Gap Year chat rose from the ashes and demanded old decide what they want to be when they grow up? We our attention again. To be honest, I was nervous in one encourage all of our children to pursue what genuinely way, as he was working full time in an eatery in a position
“
12
autumn 2017
”
parenting | with jo bainbridge
“
There was an image of him as a 35-year-old burger flipper haunting my brain! Would the allure of money be too great to stop him from pursuing his life goal?
”
as supervisor. He was earning decent money for an 18-year-old, and was coping very well with real grown up working ‘stuff’ like responsibility, managing staff and accountability. All great things, but there was an image of him as a 35-year-old burger flipper haunting my brain! Would the allure of money be too great to stop him from pursuing his life goal? You know that bit at the start when I described Eldest as mature, self-confident and all that jazz? Yeah well all that came shining through again when he made his decision to continue with his inadvertent Gap Year, working with the goal to travel at the end of the year. Travelling overseas expands minds and enriches lives, so it goes without saying it is the highest on his to-do list. To confirm the point, he has a world map with blue pins of where he has been and yellow pins of where he wants to go (yeah I don’t care if Star Wars was filmed in Tunisia – Mummy says no, not going to
happen!). Am I utterly green with envy and bursting with pride? You bet! The overall consensus is that the Gap Year is a hugely beneficial concept for many. It has allowed many young people a respite from years of study (is it just me or is the pressure so much greater than back in my day?). It has also enabled people to re-assess their careers and choices in uni or to question the need for uni altogether. A Gap Year allows opportunity to explore their world with a sense of freedom many of us grown-ups could only dream of. The world really is open to them. For some however, to plough on through does have benefits as well. It really is up to the individual, and by individual I mean the young adult, not us parents. It is possibly one of their first really adult decisions they will be able to make. Empower them, support them and know that what ever they choose to do, they will be fine. (Who’s to say a 35-yearold burger flipper isn’t the happiest soul on earth?) My advice to parents: Don’t mind the gap.
Keep your
teen smiling Dental care is free for most teenagers at the School Dental Service Our teams offer expert dental care to teenagers and all children under 18 years. Visit our website to find your local clinic and make an appointment today.
www.sahealth.sa.gov.au/sadental autumn 2017
13
parenting | with emma holdsworth
Interdependence: How to NEGOTIATE successful outcomes for you AND your teen BY EMMA HOLDSWORTH, FAMILY COUNSELLOR
Parenting older teens and young adults can be both a real challenge and a real joy. Often, when we need our kids to step up to the plate and demonstrate responsibility it results in a power struggle. So how do we forge a way through? According to Family Counsellor, Emma Holdsworth, the key lies in mastering Interdependence.
I
We see that as our kids move through their teen years n my work, the things I hear most often by parents of they seem dependent one minute (“Where’s my dinner?” this age group are: ‘”My child hates me and doesn’t or “I forgot my lunch!” or “Can you drive me?”) and listen to a thing I say”, “I am worried about their independent the next minute ("I can do it myself!" or "I future,” and “They have no respect for me, or my don’t need your help!" or home.” "You can’t make me!"). While all of these Interdependence is when two or more It can be confusing and concerns are very often creates conflict and common and some would people work together on a common activity difficulty in maintaining say a normal part of or toward a common goal. It’s about sharing strong relationships. parenting, It doesn’t have So, what if we worked to be (or stay) this way! responsibility and therefore sharing power. on fostering a culture of Throughout early interdependence with childhood, children are our teens (or even younger children)? How would this seen as dependent on their parents for most of their needs, impact our relationships with our kids later in the picture? although the bid for autonomy and independence begins Interdependence is when two or more people work early (when they learn to walk and say NO!). together on a common activity or toward a common goal. As our children move through childhood, gaining more It’s about sharing responsibility and, therefore, sharing autonomy as go, we can make the mistake of feeling like power. the only options are dependence or independence.
14
autumn 2017
parenting | with emma holdsworth
The child’s needs are taken in to equal consideration as the parents and solutions are reached by negotiation.
CASE STUDY
1
A NEGOTIATION WITH A 13 YEAR OLD
M It is never too early to work on developing an interdependent relationship with your children. And the lasting positive effects make it well worth it, for both your kid’s resilience skills and your relationship with them.
If all else fails, hold your ground
Of course negotiations won’t always run smoothly. Your young person may become belligerent, avoidant or angry about having to negotiate or follow rules. In this case, it is important to stand firm (with love and understanding). Use your leverage to get your young adult to ‘come to the table’. Remember the right to use the car, be taxied, have phone bills paid, or have unlimited access to the internet (the list goes on) are to be earned by co-operation. The way to build resilience, respect and interdependence with your ‘big kids’ is to stop rescuing them: Let them learn, include them in negotiations and be clear about your boundaries while keeping the lines of love and communication open.
olly has a 13-year-old son, Jed. Jed loves his sport and wants to play both football and soccer in the winter months. Molly would prefer that Jed played just one sport and focussed some more time on his school work. Jed doesn’t love school, he finds learning difficult and struggles to see how it will “help his future” as a sports star. So how can Jed and Molly achieve interdependence here? Molly and Jed sit down for a chat, Jed expresses what he wants and Molly expresses what she wants. Molly tells Jed that she relies on him to get his homework and his daily chores done each day after school. She reminds Jed that he needs her to drive him to practice at 5pm, 4 days a week. Molly askes Jed what he thinks would be fair to both of them. Jed says “If I make sure I do my homework, my daily chores and get myself ready by 5pm, then you could drive me to practice?” Molly agrees but very clearly lets Jed know that she is relying on him to show responsibility for his part of the bargain and that she will not be driving him to practice if his tasks are not done.
Want help to TRANSFORM Relationships, Communication and Behaviour in your Family? Call today to book your FREE initial session to see how Tree House can help your family.
0401 356 584
Ph: email: emma@treehousecounselling.com.au
Find us on FACEBOOK & INSTAGRAM
www.treehousecounselling.com.au autumn 2017
15
parenting | with emma holdsworth
CASE STUDY
2
A NEGOTIATION WITH A 17 YEAR OLD
D
ebbie and Geoff have a 17-yearold daughter, Jess. Jess is about to turn 18 and has been talking about how she is going to be an adult and can do whatever she likes. Jess is very excited about the prospect of being independent and free. She has just finished high school, has no job and is not planning on doing further study just yet. Debbie and Geoff sit down with Jess for a chat about how things will change when she becomes an adult. Geoff has been reading a lot about brain development and knows that the ‘planning’ skills in Jess’ brain still have a long way to go before they are fully developed, and that she might need some help with that side of things. Debbie and Geoff let Jess know
that the house rules continue to apply to everyone in the house, including adults. They let her know that as an adult in the house, she will have more freedom but also more responsibility. Debbie and Geoff ask Jess what she plans to do to contribute to the running of the household as an adult. Jess says that she could pay rent when she gets a job. Debbie says that while that sounds fair, she wonders how long an adult should live in the house rent-free. Geoff offers to help Jess come up with a job search plan, and all three agree that Jess can continue to live in the house rentfree as long as she follows the house rules and keeps up with the job search plan.
5-7 years Learn netball related fundamental motor skills with fun music, dance & games.
8-10 years Be a part of modified netball games with a focus on fun and teamwork.
SHARE YOUR HOME, SHARE YOUR LIFE. Become a foster carer.
Ask us how you could make a difference in the life of a child. 08 8202 5190 foster@unitingcommunities.org unitingcommunities.org
16
autumn 2017
Everyday angels
What it means to foster an older child with a disability It also supports foster carers as they welcome children into their homes. Chris Dolman, "It’s very Service Manager for think rewarding to the program, says elping that you’re h that foster carers the are everyday people to give them fe li who are committed to best shot in helping children. ary* has been a carer for eight years and, possible" “Many of the along with her husband, is a foster parent to children in the program 10-year-old Jack*, who lives with Attention have experienced adverse Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and circumstances such as abuse or a learning disability. She says that while there have been neglect, or the sickness or death of a birth parent,” he says. challenges; the benefits for Jack are obvious. “Living in a carer’s home offers them the chance to enjoy “It always takes a child time to settle in to all the richness that family life can provide.” a new environment, especially an older Mary says she’s felt well-supported on her journey child,” says Mary. as a carer, and has enjoyed the chance to connect " O “Jack had had various care ne of the with other carers along the way. arrangements for two years before most wonderful “I cannot speak highly enough of our Carer we met him, so was quite unhappy things you can do Support Worker; she’s supported us and made herself at first and acting out a lot. is offer a young available whenever we’ve needed her,” she says. It’s now been seven months, but pe rs on a She adds that, while the child’s wellbeing and se cond we feel like Jack is a totally different stability is the most important goal, carers themselves chance" child – he’s calmer, more settled can also enjoy the benefits of fostering a young person. and often tells us how much he loves “It has been so special for us to form a strong bond being part of our family. You can see with Jack,” Mary says. “One of the most wonderful things he’s happy to be here. And we love him like you can do is offer a young person a second chance. It’s he’s our own”. very rewarding to think that you’re helping to give them Uniting Communities is an SA-based organisation, which the best shot in life possible.” helps to find foster care accommodation for children and Thanks to the dedication of foster carers all around young people living Australia, older children are being given a bright new with disability. start with caring families.
A stable, secure and loving home is vital for children to grow and develop to their best potential, but sadly this isn’t the reality for many. It can be particularly challenging for older children to find a welcoming place to call home.
M
Uniting Communities is an SA-based organisation, which helps to find foster care accommodation for children and young people living with disability. It also supports foster carers as they welcome children into their homes. If you’re interested in learning more about foster care for young people with a disability contact Uniting Communities on
08 8202 5190.
autumn 2017
17
community | dream BIG festival
local youth
BY JANE MILLER
TACKLING ISSUES THROUGH THEATRE The 2017 DreamBIG Children’s Festival will once again provide a platform for South Australian young people to showcase their talents and explore a wide range of issues, including difficult topics such as cyber bullying, peer pressure, grief and isolation.
T
One of the works that deals with such issues is by he theme of this year’s festival, which takes place award-winning local playwright Sally Hardy. Gone Viral in Adelaide from May 18-27, is Feed the Mind. The deals with the subjects of school pressure, cyber scandal, program is packed with shows, events, activities and friendship gone wrong and childhood grief. workshops that promise to entertain, inspire and educate Originally commissioned by Our Lady of Sacred Heart kids of all ages. (OLSH) College, Gone Viral was later published by Trinity The Festival’s Creative Producer Susannah Sweeney and produced at St James Theatre in London, winning says, “DreamBIG Children’s Festival is a celebration of our the Trinity College of London’s International Playwriting creative kids and their incredible minds.” It features 270 Competition for teenage audiences in 2014. school shows and 126 shows for the general public. Gone Viral tells the story of 17 year old Cassie who A passionate advocate for arts-rich education Susannah thinks she has been filmed while being sexually assaulted says there are many studies that show how at a party. On top of this Cassie’s father is dying of cancer art helps children develop important and she must somehow find the words to say goodbye. attributes such as collaboration, Adelaide-born Sally says she was compelled to write problem-solving, creativity and e ot om Art can pr the play when her own father was diagnosed self-confidence. Art can also understanding and with lung cancer while she was work-shopping ideas promote understanding and ng for a play with drama students at OLSH College. compassion by allowing compassion by allowi kids (and adults) to explore to ) ts ul kids (and ad challenging issues in a nonexplore challenging threatening environment.
issues in a non-threatening environment
LOSING FAITH IN UNICORNS INDIGENOUS HIP HOP PROJECT
18
autumn 2017
E BULLY
community | dream BIG festival
GONE VIRAL
JUMP FIRST, ASK LATER
“I love theatre for its immediacy, its human connection between audience a and performers. It is beautiful Adelaide Zoo and tells the story of Leo unlike shared experience, the Lion who doesn’t fit in (suitable for ages 3-6). Teenagers will step into a real house in reading or watching Adelaide’s southern suburbs for the production n" sio vi tele
“I was also aware that one of the girls in the class, who was 17 years old, was in a similar situation...her father had only months to live, and had been dying of cancer for the last 4 years.” Said Sally. After seeking the girls’ permission, Sally went on to write the deeply moving and sensitive work. When asked why she chose theatre as the medium to explore such difficult issues she responds “I love theatre for its immediacy, its human connection between audience and performers. I love it because it is a shared experience (unlike reading or watching television) and therefore the conversations that are had between audience members after a show are as much a part of the production as the performance.” Other productions that deal thoughtfully with challenging topics include Mr Stink, a show for 6 to12 year-olds based on the hilarious children’s book by David Walliams, which tells the story of the loneliest girl in the world and her friendship with homeless man, Mr Stink. And The Lion Who Wanted to Love which is set in the
of Losing Faith in Unicorns. Created by teenagers in collaboration with artists, this is part performance, part immersive installation based on the theme of growing up. (For ages 12-16) The 2017 DreamBIG Children’s Festival will open in spectacular style with 2000 children from primary schools across the State singing and walking their way across Adelaide Oval Footbridge towards the Adelaide Festival Centre beneath 20 large parachutes. The parachutes were designed and decorated by 20 regional schools, and will be held aloft by 100 retired teachers as a guard of honour, acknowledging their instrumental role in feeding the minds of our children. The popular Big Family Weekend will also return in 2017 on the weekend of May 20-21, taking the form of a trail along North Terrace and various side streets incorporating shows, workshops, exhibitions, activities and food stalls. Formerly known as Come Out, the Children’s Festival has been around for forty years. Its new name was suggested by eight-year-old Clementine Struthers, a year three student at Prospect North Primary School, who won a state-wide renaming competition. “It may be a new name and an exciting new program but the basic foundations remain unchanged – this is 10 days of creativity, learning and imaginative exploration, all wrapped up in glorious fun and entertainment.” Says Ms Sweeney. Full details of the festival program can be found at dreambigfestival.com.au
autumn 2017
19
the BIG issue | pornography
P orn: Is your head in the sand? BY JULIET PANOZZO
Parents of teens are in unchartered territory like never before. In this fast-moving digital era, with its ever-present devices, hard-core online porn is being streamed to younger and younger children. Juliet Pannozzo investigates what affect this is having on our teens, and whether there’s any influence parents can have to slow things down.
I
t’s no newsflash to say that the media impacts on how we think, feel and act. This well-worn formula of being told what’s beautiful, desirable and sexy works: Time after time we imitate what we see. In the 90’s, when I was a teen, I learnt that to be of value I should strive to be a size eight ectomorph – that’s as thin, long and lean as possible. As girls around me excavated their “inner supermodel” (regardless of whether genetics were on their side), cases of anorexia and bulimia rose to record levels. 30 years later disordered eating hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s just been joined by a slew of other previously unimaginable issues that parents need to be aware of. Inconceivable concerns like viral body shaming, sexting, sextortion, self-harm, labiaplasty, cyber bullying, megarexia and internet grooming have made a quick entry into our vocabularies. And they won’t be leaving any time soon. And then there’s online porn – which accounts for around 30% of all internet activity – much of which is by people under the age of 18. Teens are watching unprecedented levels of porn, but it’s not the magazine-style of yesteryear. The “porn” of 30 years ago is now standard fare on
“
today’s top rating TV shows (think Game of Thrones). When you look at it that way, there’s no comparison – our kids are not having the same introduction into sexuality that we did. The “vanilla” porn from the Playboys of decades ago has been replaced by a new online brand containing rape scenes, physical aggression, anal sex and a glaring absence of consent. Teens are susceptible to messages that tell them how to think, feel and behave in the same way they've always been. But the messages they are receiving nowadays are way more confronting. It’s “normal” that parents have no idea how to keep up with it. Some parents believe their kids will never seek out porn (and they could be right), but statistics tell us that it will surely find them. It’s just a question of when. Rebecca Dettman is an SAbased Sexual Emotional Health expert who spends a lot of her time talking to teenagers in schools about porn, body image and self worth. Essentially, she’s helping young people become more emotionally prepared for what they’re being bombarded with (both actively and passively). She’s helping teens to question the messages they’re being force-fed. According to Dettman, the average teen spends around
The 'vanilla' porn from the Playboys of decades ago has been replaced by a new online brand containing rape scenes, physical aggression, anal sex and a glaring absence of consent
20
autumn 2017
”
the BIG issue | pornography
“
Pornography is not a problem because it shows us too much, it’s a problem because it shows us too little
”
100 minutes a week watching porn. “Porn is in the mainstream, it’s hard-core and way beyond what kids are ready for,” she says. And her message for parents who are contemplating a
“head in the sand” approach to porn is this: Don’t, because the problem’s way worse than you think. “Everyone is being exposed to porn in different amounts. No one is immune to it any more, and the more you try to shut the conversations down in your house, the worse it’s probably going to be,” she says. Dettman believes most parents and teachers don’t understand the level of exposure kids are getting. “They don’t realise that nine year olds are looking at hard-core bondage fetish porn - not all of them - but some are,” she says. It’s not that she wants to invoke fear, but she says it’s a really bad idea to hope that schools or other educators will pick up the slack. Because in most institutions, the level of “sexual education” taught doesn’t even get close to the reality teens are experiencing on a daily basis.
autumn 2017
21
the BIG issue | pornography
Can’t parents just trust the system?
Exacerbating all of these issues is a delayed sexual education system in our schools that can’t keep up. “Sexual education is way behind where our kids are at, and it leaves them exposed to confronting, confusing and scary messages they’re much too young for, with no way to properly understand or question them,” Dettman says. It’s true that education approval processes don’t stand a chance against the current fast-paced digital age, where new apps and sites aimed at teens pop up daily. It’s concerning to think that positive messages in schools on sexual emotional health from people like Dettman are a rarity, owing to red tape and a lack of understanding about the depth of the problem.
“It all does start with screen use, and controls, pocketing kids phones before they go to bed, having the computer right near you in the kitchen or living room. But you must establish trust with your kids years before they hit puberty,” says Dettman. This starts as young as age three in the bath when they’re giggling about bodily parts. It’s about being honest and approachable with the small stuff, so as time goes on, they’ll trust you with the bigger things.
Can parents have ANY influence at all?
The news here is positive, but it comes with a caveat. “We absolutely can help, but it has to start today,” Dettman says. “Many parents don’t understand their children’s’ attitudes towards sex and gender,” Dettman says. In some houses, this kind of communication is just not part of the family system. The reason open, honest communication is so important is because it helps cultivate self worth. Dettman believes that overall we need to help our
“
Many parents don’t understand their children’s’ attitudes towards sex and gender. In some houses, this kind of communication is just not part of the family system
”
kids question what they’re seeing and be comfortable enough to talk to their parents when they see things that make them uncomfortable or worried. It’s the kind of trust that has to be fostered from a very young age.
“You have to have an open and frank air about you when discussing this stuff, so kids learn it’s not something ‘cringy’ to talk about that makes Mum go red or Dad turn away,” she says. It’s also about finding natural entry points into the conversation. For example, when you witness a power exchange on TV or a magazine with scantily clad women, ask your child “What do you think about what you just saw there. Is it fair that that just happened?” Or “Is this necessary – what do you think?” It’s teaching our kids this analysing, reasoning and questioning that will help them to filter all of the negativity that’s bombarded at them. Because, as Dettman believes, teens with robust self worth don’t have the same need to submit to the moods, demands and desires of others to feel good.
for foxes' sake everything a fox needs to know about sex With practical advice and guidance on topics as diverse as BDSM, anal sex, consent, body confidence, making home porn and being a digitally savvy girl, For Foxes’ Sake is the book that every girl – and her parents – should read.
"
Warm, funny, honest and accurate, this book cracks open the fabulous weirdness of sex. We know what girls are facing today, so let’s rock savvy self-confidence, digital smarts and self-respect.
"
www.forfoxessake.com.au 22
autumn 2017
the BIG issue | pornography
THE PROBLEMS FACING BOYS: BRAIN REWIRING Watching porn might not seem that bad but when you consider studies (such as those at www.yourbrainonporn.com) and the mountains of anecdotal evidence suggesting that over-watching porn actually rewires brain functionality, it’s certainly worrying.
T
here are numerous websites popping up to help men (statistically, men are most affected here) abstain from porn because of the way this over exposure has impacted their lives. These sources claim that men become desensitised, not only to the enjoyment of regular sex and intimacy, but also to smells, colours and, in some cases, the joy of life itself. They suggest that overwatching porn can damage relationships and result in a depressive state that extends well beyond the bedroom. The idea of abstinence is not a new idea, according to Dettman; in fact it’s very similar to the fundamental teachings of ancient tantric sex, which is about learning to control (and periodically abstain from) orgasm. Website www.nofaps. com describes it this way: “We ultimately want people to enjoy sex! We argue that heavy porn use makes real sex less enjoyable by desensitising the brain’s reward system, which has consequences on sexual performance and intimacy.” Is a bit of porn really that
big of a deal? Russell Brand seems to think so. And being a self-confessed porn addict, he claims to know something about it. In his video Russell Brand Talks Sex, Softcore and Hardcore Porn (2015) he says he was once told: “Pornography is not a problem because it shows us too much, it’s a problem because it shows us too little.” Of course, that’s not referring to the need for more graphical content in porn, but the fact that porn gives us such a narrow idea of what sex actually is. Which suggests that our teens are missing out on how good things can really be. In his video, Brand illustrates how excessive porn watching led him to objectify women and validate his own masculinity through beautiful women, values he strongly opposes, intellectually. He believes watching “a lot of porn” made him believe that women are up for sex all the time, diminished his trust in relationships and made him believe that promiscuity is the natural state.
THE PROBLEMS FACING girls: gender, consent & safety Because it’s generally made by men, for men, it’s difficult to find representations of strong, diverse, intelligent women in porn.
“P
orn doesn’t represent loving relationships…it’s not an area where women can hold any power" Dettman says. “It begins and ends with a man’s erection and with his pleasure - women are service stations who are up for anything, often violent and degrading acts. It’s selfish and aggressive.” Porn bodies are also incredibly unrealistic. “Sexy” for girls is defined as hairless and thin with big (often fake) breasts. It’s homogenous, and goes against the “you’re ok just as you are” message that we’d love our girls to believe. Aside from gender inequality there are also physical safety issues that porn promotes. An article from The Age titled ‘How Online Porn is Warping the Behaviour of Boys with Girls’ (2015) discusses how doctors are seeing
girls as young as 13 presenting with bowel injuries, inflicted from rough anal sex. A GP cited in the article says that the girls aren’t doing it because they want it, but because they believe it’s expected of them. “These girls are very young and slight and their bodies are simply not designed for that," she adds. Porn sex never stops for condoms or conversations around consent, which sends dangerous messages for both boys and girls around safe sex, STD’s, unplanned pregnancy and whether the other person is actually ok with what’s happening. In a world where we’re trying desperately to stop domestic violence, rape culture and power- imbalanced relationships, these cross-purposes speak for themselves.
autumn 2017
23
cover story | johanna griggs
MY
house rules BY JULIET PANNOZZO
SCREEN QUEEN Johanna Griggs is in an enviable position. As a parent, the teen years are mostly in her rear view mirror and her career continues to soar. She recently took some time out from filming to reflect on her experience as a mum of two boys, sharing some insightful parenting tips along the way.
I
t has entered my mind that Johanna Griggs might be different in real life to the person you see on Better Homes and Gardens and House Rules... after all, can someone really be that warm, friendly and approachable off-camera as well as on? On the day after the Logies, Johanna manages to squeeze in time for a chat about what life was like raising Jesse, now 20, and Joe, 19. But far from sounding rushed or dismissive, here she is, after Australian television’s biggest night and a long day of work, waxing lyrical about how astronomical housing costs in Sydney make it impossible for young people to get a start in the market. She is an interviewer’s dream. And, yes, she’s exactly as you see on TV. Johanna’s quick to point out she’s no parenting expert but, as our chat continues it’s clear she’s learned a lot as a result of raising teenagers. “Some days we got it right and some we didn’t,” she laughs. Overall, things seem to have turned out pretty well for her and her “two lovely young men”, both of whom live with Johanna and husband, Todd Huggins.
24
autumn 2017
cover story | johanna griggs
It’s about basic things like a family meal and engaging… getting them to really value family and realise how precious that time together is
Creating the right parenting mix
So, how did Johanna’s relationship with her young men turn out so well? In part, she attributes this to the traditional values she instilled into her boys. “One of the positives was having routine. Every night we’d sit down to dinner and talk about the best and worst of everything,” Johanna says. “It’s about basic things like a family meal and engaging... getting them to really value family and realise how precious that time together is.” She laughs about dragging her reluctant boys to family events every second weekend. But it was a challenge that later paid off in spades. “Now they feel lucky to be from such a large and loving family – something not everyone has. They have an incredible relationship with their grandmother and great grandmother,” she says. She’s also been careful to cultivate values like respect and working hard, “I come from a really big family of strong women, I wanted them to respect that and have a good work ethic… and to always be polite,” she says. The absence of traditional values in some younger people today is shocking to Johanna. As teenagers, neither herself or Todd were allowed to enter a friend's house without first greeting the parents – something that’s rare these days. “I don’t know where the breakdown is but we had kids turn up (to the house) and not even say hello, you’d just find them. We would have been crucified if we didn’t say hello to the parents when we went somewhere,” she says. Although Johanna held on tightly to many traditional aspects of parenting, she also learned to let go of some, in favour of adopting a more flexible (and therefore effective) approach. “Growing up there was definitely one set of rules, one way to live a life – my way or the highway. I had to let go of my autocratic upbringing – our approach had to be more relaxed. I’m a big believer that everything we have to do with the kids will ultimately result in them making good decisions... you have to trust your children and let them do things,” she says.
Communication is key… a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work in this day and age
What if the problem isn’t actually your teenager? One of Johanna’s most profound realisations as a mum to teenagers was to accept her own role in the drama. This helped her to see that she often had more control in tough situations than she had previously thought. “I remember when they were 16 and 17 and I realised it’s not actually them, it’s us. It's how we’re reacting.” At one point, she and Todd sought external help to help make sense of unchartered territory, and she encourages other parents to do the same when they feel out of their depth. “Be open to the idea that it’s about you, not them, and often it’s old habits you didn’t know were habits,” she says.
autumn 2017
25
The counselling was both insightful and helpful – and it is why she thinks it’s so important to work on how we communicate with our kids. “Communication is key… a onesize-fits-all doesn’t work in this day and age,” she advises. Even after getting these foundations in place, Johanna says she still found it a real battle not to react when teenage hormones took over. She was able to recognise, however, that trouble often came down to poor timing. Describing Jesse as ‘not a morning person’ she says that unless it was absolutely dire straits, she would save important discussions for late at night, when a better outcome was more likely. As for the boys themselves, Johanna found it hard watching them want to be a lot older than they were, telling them “You’re 16 and you want to be 18, but just enjoy this part because you’ll soon be 42 and want to be 18!” Ever-present social media doesn’t help either. Johanna reflects on how everything would end at school when she was young, providing a much-needed breather, but these days teens are constantly connected. “With the boys so connected, they never really had a break… it’s just the relentlessness and amount of technology. It’s probably even harder for my sister with teenage girls!” she says.
see the world with them AND by ourselves. We can now nick away for a weekend, and don’t have to worry about leaving meals - they’re confident,” Johanna says. In fact, Johanna and Todd waited eight years to have their honeymoon, because of competing schedules, and timing with the boys’ schooling. A recent trip to San Francisco, Las Vegas, New York and Mexico was particularly special for Johanna because it was their first together. “We’d never travelled so it ended up being absolutely awesome,” she says. Johanna’s proud of the fact she’s raised strong, opinionated young men who can debate things for hours, but warns not to expect things to work both ways. “You can’t ask them to be engaged and well-rounded then to ‘sit and be quiet’ when it suits you,” she says. “They’re reaching an age where they’re really grateful and really respectful – you can see the trade off for all the years of feeling like a broken record where you go over the same things again and again,” she says. I ask Johanna whether she has any advice for parents with children just entering the teenage realm, and she leaves me with: “Just breathe! It gets hard for a second, then it’s easier afterwards and then it becomes a whole lot of fun!”
You can’t ask them to be engaged and well-rounded then to ‘sit and be quiet’ when it suits you
Moving forward: Life beyond school So, does Johanna miss being a school mum? “Not at all!” she laughs. She’s really enjoying the new dynamic as Jesse and Joe enter adulthood. For Jesse, who loves sport, starting a career with the NRL and Melbourne Storm is a dream come true, and Joe, who has electrical training has recently returned home from nine months overseas to try out modelling. “It’s the start of a really exciting stage. I had kids really young and a lot of our friends are just settling down now. We feel like there is so much freedom for us now – we can
26
autumn 2017
Better Homes and Gardens airs Fridays at 7pm on 7Two in Adelaide. Look out for the new season of House Rules coming soon.
ADVERTISEMENT
Leading Senior College your pathway to success
M
arden Senior College is a specialist senior secondary college providing a comprehensive selection of SACE Stage 1 and Stage 2 subjects, as well as VET programs as a Registered Training Organisation. The College has an outstanding academic record with an average of 35% of Stage 2 students achieving an A grade over the last four years, compared to 21% state-wide. Last year an impressive 97% of students undertaking subjects at Marden Senior College achieved a grade of C- or better, including 38% of students achieving an A grade band result with 59 achieving an A+ grade. Principal Stephen Inglis explains that Marden is the ideal choice for young people striving for high achievement as well as those seeking a calm, inclusive environment to re-engage with their education. He explains that Marden offers a purposeful adult learning environment
that does not necessarily suit all students, yet it is the perfect choice for those with a more mature, independent approach to their learning. Mr. Inglis says that the College prides itself in supporting all students to achieve their personal best and this is reflected in the wonderful results. He believes that the strength of the College is its experienced staff, many of whom are subject specialists. He is also proud of the College’s focus on developing strong, respectful, one to one relationships between students and teachers. “Marden is the leading senior secondary college with much to offer students. It is an affordable, high quality education provider where students respond positively to the
flexible, supportive adult learning environment”, he says.
your pathway to success
AN INVITATION
Principal’s Tour & Information Session Wednesday 31 May & Wednesday 6 September 2017
9:30am - 10:30am & 4:30pm - 5:30pm Visit www.msc.sa.edu.au for more information Specialist Senior Secondary Education
✓ Academic Excellence ✓ SACE Stage 1 & 2 ✓ Flexible Learning ✓ Vocational Education and Training (VET) ✓ Registered Training Organisation (RTO) autumn 2017
27
life skills through play BY JODI SHAW Involvement in after school activities has social, physical and psychological advantages for kids of all ages but it's not all about team sports. Jodi shares some other tween friendly ideas that will get them moving and learning valuable life skills.
A
fter-school sport has always been a staple of an Australian childhood, and understandably so, there are many benefits of extra curricular activities for kids, not least of which is physical activity and the need for exercise. Getting involved in activities outside of school also keeps kids mentally engaged, builds confidence and can be a great stress relief. Many life skills can be learned from activities outside of school like learning to be part of a team, persistence and practice, developing social and life skills, leadership, building friendships and teaching kids the importance of working together towards a common goal. It doesn’t matter what activity they choose, encourage them to give it a go and try something new. Your 'sporty' child might end up being a famous artist, your 'Drama Queen', an Olympic medallist or a CEO to their own company! It’s not always about team sports though, so what’s best for your child? Consider some of these popular options:
Swimming:
Australians can't avoid hot summers at the beach or by the pool so it's vital that our kids learn water safety and swim technique. Swimming is a whole-body workout that can aid in weight loss, help to relieve pain and joint inflammation and ease asthma symptoms. If your school doesn’t offer lessons as part of the curriculum look into vacation programs such as vacswim or your local surf lifesaving club.
Netball:
Netball is a non-contact team sport very popular with girls. SA's own Thunderbirds season is in full swing - get along to a game for inspiration or go to a school holiday boredombusting clinic to get a taste for netball. Find out more at sa.netball.com.au
28
autumn 2017
danceincadelaide.com
hot tip It might take a few tries to find the right match for your child. If they join a team for a season and find it's not what you or they were expecting, it's OK to try something new next year. Some kids are just not into competing - try not to push them into something that is supposed to be fun!
Soccer:
hot tip Most sports clubs and organisat ions offer your first class as a free tria l opportunity so ask around at sch ool or do some online research first and try out a couple of options to find a team that fits with you and your teen.
Gymnastics:
Great for coordination, confidence, posture, strength and agility. Kids learn discipline and the win is learning cool new tricks! The challenging nature of gymnastics requires commitment and concentration and the structure of the classes teach respect and safety.
Dance:
Dance is a great way to channel kids' seemingly boundless energy. A creative alternative to team sports, dance is ideal for fitness, posture and flexibility as it's highly physical and social. Cheerleading is the new ‘in’ thing and is offered at both recreation and interstate competition level along with jazz, hip hop, ballet, lyrical and tap at Dance Inc Adelaide where your first class is free! Check out danceincadelaide.com
Martial Arts:
Perfect for letting out some aggression or managing behavioural problems while building self esteem and confidence along with self defence skills. Appealing to teens, the Martial Arts are fabulous for teaching discipline and respect.
Soccer develops a lot of basic fundamental skills such as speed, agility and stamina while teaching kids the importance of teamwork. Girls, boys and mixed teams are available for all ages and abilities.
Tennis:
Tennis is a great option on many levels as it’s equally mental as it is physical, therefore promoting both strong psychological and physiological development. It develops hand-eye co-ordination as well as both fine and gross motor control.
hot tip You might not be interested in kicking a ball around yourself but try to learn the basic rules of their chosen sport so you under stand the gameplay and can engage with your child when they want to talk about it with you. Come along to their games when you can. Teens might not act like it but they still want you there cheering them on!
autumn 2017
29
hot tip Some activities are more expensive than others and costs such as uniforms, training gear and appropriate footwear can add up quickly. Seasonal fees, travel costs, competition entry and more could also be on the cards so make sure you ask questions before committing to avoid a nasty surprise once you're settled in!
Scouts:
Scouts is one of the most valuable activities a child could take part in. Learning survival and life skills along with leadership and appreciation for nature, Scouts are involved in the local community, getting outdoors and exploring the world around them. Great for the adventurous teen!
Music:
Like other forms of performing arts, learning an instrument can teach perseverance, build self-esteem and is very rewarding. Not only does it give kids a chance to express themselves, evidence suggests it can help them better understand maths through the use of beat, rhythm and scale by making the brain work in the same way as when dividing, calculating fractions and recognising pattern! If your child wants to learn an instrument there are many options – from the classical piano or violin to the popular guitar or the drums for kids who want to rock it out! Remember, if your child is excited about the instrument they are learning it will mean they will be happier to practise so let them have a say!
30
autumn 2017
ATHLETICS
Athletics is a uniquely Australian activity based on track and field events. Kids can participate in a wide range of activities from running, jumping, throwing and walking. The sport is unique because it's not all about winning, the emphasis is on personal improvement and participation.
hot tip After school activities are not just for littlies! Think outside the box and look ahead at future career pathways. Scouts, Army, Air League, SAPOL cadets and more can lead your child into a rewarding career.
Basketball:
Basketball is an inclusive indoor sport for all ages and abilities that can be played all year round. Safe and comparitively inexpensive, kids can aspire to play in the Australian National league or overseas.
Forever to Shine
A
t Dance Inc Adelaide, the focus is on the individual child's potential to feel confident and express themselves through dance, cheerleading, music and movement. Dance Inc classes allow students to improve co-ordination, balance and self-confidence in a safe, secure and supportive environment. Offering Cheerleading, Tumble, Hip Hop, Classical/ Contemporary, Jazz and Tap, Ballet and CSTD Exams for children aged 18 months to 18 years, Dance Inc. encourages the passion of dancing & cheerleading, particularly as an avenue for personal growth and development at all stages of life. Devoted to each student, and proudly sharing in each milestone in his or her dance classes and training, Dance Inc Adelaide welcomes all students – young and old, beginners or experienced to find a balanced lifestyle of fun and fitness with dance and aim 'Forever to Shine'. Call Michelle on 0404 230 182 or visit www.danceincadelaide.com for more information
Future Stars Camp
R
eceive expert coaching and specifically tailored training sessions from accredited coaches, Thunderbirds coaches and assistants and appearances from Thunderbirds players. Designed to take your game to the next level, the 2017 April Future Stars Netball Camp is a respected two-day program providing players aged between 11 and 16 years the chance to develop their netball skills and work alongside some of South Australia’s most respected netballers and coaches. Your future star will receive an official camp singlet and drink bottle, lunch each day and the netball experience of a lifetime.
For more information call Jake on 8238 0525 or email jake.grosser@netballsa.asn.au. To register visit sa.netball.com.au
first lesson FREE
BALLET\\JAZZ LYRICAL\\HIP HOP TAP\\CHEERLEADING\\ Classes from beginners/recreation through to national teams competing interstate
0404 230 182 www.danceincadelaide.com
autumn 2017
31
digital | with amanda somerville
SNAPCHAT FOR DUMMIES BY AMANDA SOMERVILLE
While you are trying to explain to your boss that Facebook is not just for kids, our kids are turning their backs on Facebook and sliding on over to the next big thing, Snapchat. Amanda Somerville from Smeek Media unearths what parents need to know.
S
napchat is a mobile-only app that’s growing fast in terms of popularity. 61% of Aussie girls aged 13 to 17 years use Instagram, while 51% use Snapchat - Instagram being where our teens are living their 'best life' and Snapchat being where they are living their 'real' lives. Snapchat works as an instant messaging service with a twist. Each 'Snap' or message can only be opened twice and it only stays visible for a few seconds before it magically disappears into cyberspace. Not only does it leave no pesky evidence for parents to find, it also can alert your teen to your watching eye because snaps can only be opened twice, your savvy teen will know if you've been snooping. Quite the win for team teen. But as they say, if it seems too good to be true, then it's most likely an old guy living in his mother's garage. In 2013, Snapchat's servers were hacked and thousands of users’ personal details were stolen. These details not only held names and email addresses, but all of those photos that didn't so magically disappear after all. Yep, you were right when you told them that once it's 'out there' it's gone, and out of your control. As Snapchat feels so intimate and private, guards go down and peer pressure can be that much more extreme. Antidotal evidence suggests that many teens feel pressured by their peers to send risqué and compromising photos and these requests can escalate if they are complied with. Under the guise of the perfect crime, bullying is rife. Of more concern is that it happens between friends, or ‘frienemies’. Kids turning on each other to keep themselves out of the line of fire.
Instagram is where our teens are living their 'best life': Snapchat is where they are living their personal lives.
32
autumn 2017
digital | with amanda somerville
COMMON SNAPCHAT TERMS & FEATURES SNAP: An image, video or text message
FILTERS: One of the most beloved and recognised features of Snapchat is its interactive filters. The filters use facial recognition to add all kinds of decorations, like dog and cat faces, flower crowns and face swaps to give a user’s photo fun and character. So, don't worry, your teen hasn't really grown devil horns...
that is sent directly to another user and can be viewed for a maximum of 1-10 seconds. Users have the option of allowing snaps from any other user, or only from users they have mutually connected with (their friends).
STORY: A user can add videos or images that can be viewed by all of their friends, as many times as they like in a 24 hour period. There is an option to allow all users to see a user’s story in the settings. Snapchat can tell you who looked at it and who took a screen shot of it.
GEOFILTERS: Places and special events can apply through the Snapchat website to create a custom geofilter. When a user is in the radius of the geofilter, it will become automatically available for them to use. Places such as Adelaide Oval, Sydney, Melbourne and even Murray Bridge all have their own geofilter. DISCOVERY: Discovery is best described as 'Stories for Brands'. Blogs such as Buzzfeed, Cosmopolition and the Comedy Channel all have a place in Discovery, with big businesses clambering to get onboard. This is where your teen is being advertised to.
F ‘N’ BE
K a i’s
ARS
STUF
STREAKS: These are especially popular amongst teens. A streak occurs when two friends have consecutively snapchatted each other every day. Hitting certain milestones in a streak such as 50, 100, 150 and 200 days, is cause for much celebration. If one of the people involved in the streak misses a day, the streak is lost.
C up c ake s
h
e
ak
wit
DAILY DEALS KIDS PLAY AREA BEARS c o CHARLIE ’c ffee’N& GIFTS
Birthdays Engagements
H o m e of
KEVIN B&E AMRORRIS Open 7 days 10am Ð 4pm
Shop B,76 Main Streetcards, -HAHNDORF SA 5245 (next to theand Caltex) charlie bears, gifts, dreamcatchers much (08) 8388 1332
Like us on Facebook
more!
Cut Out tochildren’s receive a Free play Regulararea Coffee or tea WITH ANY PURCHASE ¥ Expires: 30.04.2017
have a cuppa while you browse 01.25.2017 14:06
News Corp Australia Proof ©
Shop B, 76 Main Street hahndorf sa 5245 (08) 8388 1332 stuffnbearswithcoffee@gmail.com facebook.com/stuffnbearswithcoffee
open 7 days 10am - 4pm
• • • • • • • • • •
Vanilla Chocolate Nutella White choc mud Choc mud Cookies and cream Choc mint Choc caramel Peanut butter cup Cherry ripe
we also cater to:
Allergy free Gluten free Diabetic Vegan
• • • • •
Weddings
Red velvet Blueberry ‘n’ lemon Blackforest Banana Carrot ...plus more Buy 24 or more cupcakes and receive
6 FREE standard
*
buttercream
cupcakes * Limited time only
from
$2 ea
free coffee with any purchase
0420 433 134
kaiscupcakes17@gmail.com
autumn 2017
33
wellbeing | family doctor
is my child
depressed or just sad? BY LANE HINCHCLIFFE
As parents of teens or tweens we experience the full gamut of emotions from our children - often four seasons in one day! But what about when the overarching emotion seems to be perpetual sadness? At what point do we decide a child is actually depressed and make that important decision to seek help?
I
s my child depressed or just sad? This is the 60 million dollar question – how do I know the difference between feeling depressed and “having depression”? It is common to be confused, with the word depression being used in so many contexts. Recent statistics suggest that one in 16 young people suffer from depression and one in four from mental health issues in general. It is not unusual, therefore, for parents to feel helpless and worry about when to seek professional assistance.
FEELING SAD VERSUS HAVING DEPRESSION
Simplistically speaking, depression is a mood - a normal mood that we all experience at some point in our lives. It is typical, for example, to feel depressed when we lose a loved one. Feeling depressed affects people in lots of ways. There are the emotional effects, such as feeling sad and flat. Many also experience poor sleep, concentration and motivation, and may lack interest in general. Not surprisingly, therefore, it is not an enviable mood the way happiness is.
Make it a routine to touch base with each other and ask, “How are you feeling?” Sharing your feelings allows you to model ways to debrief, cope and seek support from those around you. 34
autumn 2017
Confusion arises because the word depression is also the name of a diagnosis. The distinction between the diagnosis of depression versus feeling depressed really comes down to two factors: Time frame, and overall effect on everyday functioning.
IDENTIFYING THE STRUGGLE
If a teenager is struggling, as a GP my first priority is to understand how. Why are they asking for help? What in particular is troubling them? Is it that they are having trouble concentrating at school? Or are they worried about a particular issue in their lives? Do they feel trapped? Are they having problems with sleep? Or are they generally just feeling sad more often than they are feeling happy? Feeling depressed is often associated with guilt, which stems from the fact that it may be difficult to identify a specific trigger. For example, I once had a patient say to me, “I feel like someone has just died… but nobody has died.” As part of working through depression, it is often appropriate to identify factors that are impacting on one’s emotional wellbeing (such as stress or pressure from school), but it is equally important to accept the emotions for what they are.
WHEN DEPRESSION STARTS TO TAKE OVER
Despite the cause, it is important to focus on the individual and how feeling depressed is affecting their everyday life. If a person is feeling depressed most of the day, most days a week, for weeks or even months, then it will likely start to affect their overall functioning.
wellbeing | family doctor
It is common to be confused, with the word depression being used in so many contexts. Recent statistics suggest that one in 16 young people suffer from depression and one in four from mental health issues in general.
Missing work or school, disengaging from friends, loss of appetite and inability to complete tasks are all possible signs that the feeling of depression is starting to overtake someone’s life.
STAYING IN TUNE WITH OUR CHILDREN, EMOTIONALLY
Parents often ask me, “How can I look out for my child?” Perhaps start by asking the question, “How is my child coping?” rather than “Does my child have depression?” I encourage parents to consider areas such as school performance, social interaction, and general moods and sleep patterns. Our challenge as a society is to continue to destigmatise terms such as mental health, anxiety and depression. In the household environment, this may be achieved by having an open dialogue – even if it is simply commenting about a character on a favourite TV show who appears to be struggling emotionally. This may allow for a general conversation rather than an interrogation! It may also
help to alleviate fear and awkwardness if a child is quietly suffering and not sure how to raise the issue. Make it a routine to touch base with each other and ask, “How are you feeling?” Sharing your own feelings as a parent is very important and allows you to model ways to debrief, cope and seek support from those around you. Ultimately, creating a safe environment that encourages communication can help to promote open discussion with your child. And, above all, always seek professional advice if you have any concerns.
Call for an appointment on
1300 556 766
• Women’s health
• ATSI Health
• Paediatrics & immunisations
• Chronic disease management
• Child & adolescent health
• Couselling & Mental health
• Sexual health, pap smears & contraception
• Skin biopsies and minor surgical procedures
4 Waterloo Street, Glenelg, SA 5045
www.healthhubadelaide.com.au
autumn 2017
35
wellbeing | women's health
how to support a
teenager through
pregnancy BYSARAH HAUSLER
Discussions around ons pregnancy opti are rarely comfortable, but they are crucial.
36
autumn 2017
Discovering your teenage daughter is pregnant is generally a time of great shock and uncertainty for parents, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen and consolidate your relationship with your child as your support her through this challenging situation. Women’s Health Occupational Therapist, Sarah Hausler, shares her advice on how to guide your teenager through a pregnancy.
W
hile teenage pregnancy and abortion rates have decreased by about 30 per cent over the past decade, teenage pregnancy still happens, with more than 10,000 Australian babies born each year to women under 20 years of age. With most teenage pregnancies unplanned, they can often cause significant distress and trauma for the young woman involved, the father of the child and parents of both parties. Because of this it’s important to ensure you handle this situation carefully, to support the wellbeing of everyone involved.
Show compassion
Beyond the practicalities of arranging medical care and buying nursery furniture, by far the most important thing you can do for your daughter is to show her compassion. It’s understandable your first reaction to the news of her pregnancy might be shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, or even guilt. But it’s important for you to put your own emotions to the side for the moment and focus on what your daughter is currently feeling: Scared, confused and uncertain, anxious or all of the above? What she needs right now is someone who can be understanding and 100 per cent there for her, without causing her to feel guilt, judgement or shame. That’s not to say your feelings don’t matter, and you should certainly also have a great deal of self-compassion, but remember this is happening to your daughter first and foremost.
Support her to make the right decisions for HER
Respect her boundaries
Don’t assume she wants you to come along to every ultrasound or every doctor’s appointment. Even if you’re sure she wants you there, it’s always courteous to ask her permission to come along. If she says no, respect her decision, but encourage her to make sure she has someone else she trusts to support her – perhaps the baby’s father if he is involved, or another trusted female relative or friend.
Help her to understand the magnitude of becoming a mother and the responsibility ahead of her
Talk to her about what you remember of your pregnancies, birth experiences and the early days of parenthood. Help her to connect with other young women who are also pregnant or mothers, and encourage her to start conversations about motherhood with other women in your life. We can learn so much from other women in our motherhood tribe, so help your daughter create hers.
Support her WELLBEING – physical, Discussions around pregnancy options are rarely emotional and spiritual comfortable, but they are crucial. Don’t presume to know Pregnancy and motherhood are enormous transitions for what your daughter will choose regarding her pregnancy – any woman, but especially for a teenager whose pregnancy be it continuing the pregnancy, adoption or an abortion. is likely to be unplanned. Teenage mothers are more likely Also be careful not to place your expectations or values to experience negative socio-economic outcomes, such upon her. This must be her decision, and it is possible she as failing to finish high school, being unemployed or in may choose an option you don’t agree with, or which is low paying employment, being the recipient of welfare against your own moral or religious beliefs. payments and suffering from depression. Even girls who have already decided to Your role as an advocate for your daughter’s go ahead with their pregnancy will need health and wellbeing is crucial for her own decision-making support. There might We can wellbeing, and that of her child. Encourage be uncertainties around where she will her to seek the support and information live, how much input she wants the learn so much on pregnancy and motherhood from baby’s father to have, and how she from other r u qualified health professionals. o will continue her studies. in n e m o w , Programs such as my Body Mind e All pregnant women are eligible for ib tr d o o motherh Baby online pregnancy and postnatal three Medicare rebated non-directive r u so help yo wellbeing programs also allow women to pregnancy counselling sessions with daughter work through their wellbeing concerns a GP, social worker, psychologist in an online format – visit www. create hers or mental health nurse. These bloomwellbeing.com.au/courses for professionals can be a great source of help more information. and support through tough decisions.
autumn 2017
37
Kangaroo Island
e s i d a r a Ki d 's P
Kangaroo Island is nature's own adventure
playground for kids and adults alike and the ultimate setting for a family holiday. Amazing wildlife, spectacular coastal scenery, beautiful beaches and so many COOL things to do! RAPTOR DOMAIN Raptor Domain is a must see for families. Enjoy the 'Birds of Prey' show and interact with these amazing creatures up close. Meet Jedda, the majestic Wedge Tailed Eagle and Casper the friendly Barn Owl. Don a glove and have them land on your hand while you smile for a picture. Get up-close-and-personal with a host of friendly lizards and snakes... if you dare! www.kangarooislandbirdsofprey.com.au CLIFFORD'S HONEY FARM A quick stop at Clifford’s Honey Farm is essential, not just to see how honey is made and to learn about protecting bees but to indulge in their famous Ligurian Bee Honey ice-cream, drinks and biscuits! www.cliffordshoney.com.au SEAL BAY CONSERVATION PARK See Australian sea lions in their natural environment as they sleep, play and swim on a guided beach tour at Seal Bay Conservation Park. www.environment.sa.gov.au/sealbay LITTLE SAHARA SAND DUNES A visit to Little Sahara guarantees hours of family fun as everyone enjoys the thrills and spills of sandboarding or tobogganing down the massive white sand dunes. www.kioutdooraction.com.au
STOKES BAY HIDDEN BEACH The kids will love discovering the instagram-worthy ‘hidden’ beach at Stokes Bay. Be sure to stop at the Rockpool Cafe for a fresh seafood lunch! KANGAROO ISLAND WILDLIFE PARK Get up close and personal feeding kangaroos, wallabies, koalas and other nocturnal wildlife at the Kangaroo Island Wildlife Park. www.kiwildlifepark.com KELLY HILL CONSERVATION PARK Discover the magical underground world of Kelly Hill Caves. For the bold and inquisitive there are adventure caving tours that take you crawling through the underground maze. HANSON BAY WILDLIFE SANCTUARY Take the guided night tour of Hanson Bay Sanctuary and discover the world that comes to life while you are sleeping! www.hansonbay.com.au ISLAND PURE SHEEP DAIRY View ewes, rams and little lambs. See sheep being milked and then taste the delicious cheeses and yoghurts at Island Pure Sheep Dairy. www.islandpure.com.au
“A get-away like this is really about coming back to the things that matter – a family holiday where connecting has nothing to do with the smartphone and you can be together with the kids, experiencing things that aren’t available on the mainland – it really is a special place.”
38
autumn 2017
travel | kangaroo island
CAPE WILOUGHBY LIGHTHOUSE Climb to the top of Cape Willoughby Lighthouse, the first lighthouse to be built in South Australia. FLINDERS CHASE NATIONAL PARK A holiday to Kangaroo Island is not complete without a visit to Flinders Chase National Park, home to nature’s wonders, the breathtaking Remarkable Rocks and Admirals Arch. Kangaroo Island offers a range of family accommodation from hotels/motels, apartments, caravan parks and B&Bs to self-contained rural cabins and luxurious holiday homes just metres from a pristine beach.
Half the fun is in the journey and with kids travelling free* 1 May to 31 August, the short ferry ride is not just an exciting ocean crossing experience but could save your family $100! SeaLink’s ‘Kids Go Free to Kangaroo Island’ deal is valid for travel between 1 May to 31 August, 2017 and offers free return ferry travel for up to two kids when travelling with one or two adults and one vehicle.
For ferry, car and accomodation bookings visit WWW.SEALINK.COM.AU
Kangaroo Island
KIDS GO
FREE!
FREE* return ferry travel for up to two kids when travelling with one or two adults and a vehicle
Call 13 13 01 or visit sealink.com.au *On sale to 25 August 2017. Travel from 1 May to 31 August 2017. Child aged 3 - 14 years. See website for further terms and conditions.
autumn 2017
39
parenting | with jodie benveniste
parents are teachers too! BY JODIE BENVENISTE
Most parents find themselves nagging or yelling at their children more than they’d like. While Jodie Benveniste understands this daily struggle, she also offers a gentle challenge: Stop for a moment and examine how different things would be if you parented from your whole head, heart and soul.
D
saw something in me. She noticed my unique qualities, and id you have a favourite teacher growing up? Someone she reflected them back to me. I felt truly acknowledged who ‘got’ you? Someone who made you feel good and valued, which is an amazing about yourself? Someone who feeling. inspired you? It got me thinking about how My favourite teacher ever was My favourite teacher and whether I could offer the same Ms Nagorcka, my Year 3 teacher to my kids. Can I help my kids to at Crystal Brook Primary School. made school come alive. She made school come alive. I can’t feel really good about themselves? I can’t remember exactly Can I teach them how to believe remember exactly how or what how or what she did to in themselves? With my guidance, she did as a teacher to make that make that happen but I can they learn how to value and happen. But I do remember how do remember how she she made me feel. It’s as though she love who they are? If so, how?
“
made me feel.
40
autumn 2017
”
parenting | with jodie benveniste
We are parents and we are teachers too. So can I help my kids to feel good about themselves in the same way that my Year 3 teacher did? I reckon I can.
Good teachers teach from ‘who they are’. They teach from their passion and their heart and their soul. I believe that is the same for parents.
Teaching is not just an intellectual exercise.
It isn’t just about knowing your topic. You will never know everything there is to know about your topic. Never. That’s why teaching is also emotional and spiritual. It’s about feelings and emotions and meaning and purpose.
Good teaching is an act of community and connectedness.
I’d been reading the works of distinguished educator Parker Palmer and three of his ideas really leapt out at me. They get to the heart of how teachers help us feel ourselves. I believe they are also relevant to parenting:
Good teachers don’t necessarily use a particular teaching technique.
In fact, good teaching cannot be reduced to technique.
Good teachers co-create with their students so everyone learns together. Students are learning about themselves and teachers are learning about themselves too. This prompted me to ask myself: Do I focus too much on my children’s behaviour and not enough on my connection and relationship with them? Do I really parent with my whole head, heart and soul or only my head? And do I allow my kids to be a part of the parenting equation or is it all about me and what I think is right and wrong?
Taking enrolments now. Book for a Principal’s Tour.
08 8I82 2600
www.tmc.catholic.edu.au
autumn 2017
41
parenting | with jodie benveniste
Then I came across the concept of there being different levels of teaching as described by Jen Louden. They also speak to how teachers make kids feel themselves. I believe they can also be applied to parenting.
Level 1: Information
Information is about facts and figures. It’s data. It’s stuff we need to know. When it comes to parenting, information is telling our kids what to do and what not to do. At its best, it’s about guiding and explaining to our children what’s appropriate and not appropriate. At its not so best, it becomes nagging and yelling.
Level 2: Experience
Kids need to learn by doing and being and exploring and experiencing. The older my kids get the more I want them to have their own experiences. For a long time, I feel like I’ve been thinking and doing for them. I now want them to think and do for themselves. That’s why it’s important to let go, allow them to try and fail, and let them experience and assess life from their own perspective.
Level 3: Inspiration
Inspiration is about lighting a fire within our kids. It’s about helping them to feel loved and whole and seen
and heard. It’s about validation. I see you. I hear you. I love you. It’s about being a witness to their life rather than directing them all the time. It’s about being there beside them rather than over the top of them. This has prompted me to ask myself: How much time do I spend telling, asking, and directing? How often do I let my kids really experience and do things for themselves? And how often do I inspire my kids? We are parents and we are teachers too. So can I help my kids to feel good about themselves in the same way that my Year 3 teacher did? I reckon I can. If I focus on parenting with my whole self - my head, heart and soul and if I get beyond just telling to encouraging my kids to experience life fully and to follow their inspiration.
New Loreto ELC
Opening January 2018 - Apply now
College Tour Tuesday 20 June, 9.15am
Loreto School Buses North, South, West & Adelaide Hills
www.loreto.sa.edu.au An independent Catholic day and boarding school for girls from Early Learning to Year 12 CRICOS No: 00629G
42
autumn 2017
316 Portrush Road, Marryatville | Phone 08 8334 4200 | www.loreto.sa.edu.au
ADVERTISEMENT
Raising girls to become
confident leaders DR NICOLE ARCHARD, PRINCIPAL, LORETO COLLEGE
“She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them.”
C
onfidence is something we create within ourselves by believing in who we are and what we are capable of doing. Confidence is not necessarily something we are born with, rather it is developed through our experiences. Confidence allows us to try new things, to learn, and to get back up after setbacks and failures. Girls, as they grow from early childhood, to adolescence, through to becoming young women, are developing confidence based on their experiences, both at home and at school. This development of confidence is also directly correlated with how girls see themselves - their self-image or self-concept. Therefore, girls as they grow are developing an understanding of who they are, what they can do, and what aspirations are available to them. Thus, girls’ confidence is developing in both positive and negative ways as they grow, based on their failures, setbacks, and successes. Success is important in developing confidence, but it is also unrealistic to expect success in everything that we do. Consequently, confidence is also developed through failure. It is very important that girls learn when they fail, or don’t achieve something they wanted or to the level they wanted, that this is okay, it is not a reflection on who they are (their self-concept) but rather it is just what it is – a setback.
What is important is the role that we play as teachers and parents in our daughters’ development of confidence. Every time we do something for our daughters, we tell them they can’t do it for themselves and without realising it, we are eroding their confidence. Ultimately, for girls to build confidence they need to take risks and consequently experience failure. When girls build confidence they build resilience and overcome any inner doubt they might be experiencing. Therefore, let’s not save girls from failure or disappointment. Let’s work together in encouraging girls to take risks, to understand what it is to experience a setback. As result, we will allow our girls to build the confidence they need to be successful young women. Dr Nicole Archard, Principal of Loreto College, has presented at national and international conferences on the topics of women and leadership, and girls’ education. She has extensively researched girls from early childhood through to adolescence, focusing on the relationship between girls and leadership.
What is important is the role that teachers and parents play in our daughters’ development of confidence
autumn 2017
43
ADVERTISEMENT
is your child still finding school hard? It could be one of these reasons...
Is it a reading problem that’s not improving?
O
ngoing slow reading, poor accuracy and spelling or poor written expression that doesn’t improve with good enough teaching and is not due to other reasons (such as missing school) is regarded as a specific Learning Disorder - Dyslexia. The most common kind of dyslexia is called phonological dyslexia
because it is due to a “deficit in the phonological component of language” - the ability to separate and manipulate speech sounds that form words. School reading interventions and accommodations are geared to phonological dyslexia. However, some children with slow, inaccurate
reading and poor spelling, can have more than phonological dyslexia and don’t improve much in phonologicalbased programs. They can arrive at secondary school and higher, still facing the daily struggle with learning. Perhaps your child is one of those. There is more to dyslexia than phonological concerns.
Maybe it’s visual dyslexia? Check these out...
I
ndividuals with visual dyslexia have a neurological difficulty where the brain makes poor sense of sequential written information. These are often genetic. Do they, or you: • Learn words by shape, relying on memory to sequence words and letters? • Confuse/transpose letters, syllables or words when writing or reading, such as b/d or 5/2. • Re-read for information because the background is distracting, text may appear unstable or something else may appear to interfere with letter recognition. • May miss parts of words or whole words, so experience overall poor comprehension. • Read only one or few letters, numerals or words at a time. Hard to identify words, skim or speed read. • Find bright or fluorescent lights or pages make reading harder. Cannot concentrate long on reading - feel tired, get headaches, may feel sick. • Write slowly. Can’t always write the exact word wanted, affecting written expression.
How do those with visual dyslexia get help? •
At first check vision problems in case short or long sightedness is the cause. Have your child learn spelling rules, syllables and word chunks aloud until automatic. Use spelling strategies such as mnemonics, rhyming and funny pictorial memory aids. Make sure there is little writing to be done – get handouts, use speech-to-text technology. Have an Irlen Screening assessment to check how much colour will help reading rate, accuracy, reduce glare and distortions.
• • • •
Find out more: www.irlencentral.com.au explains more about Visual Dyslexia/Irlen Syndrome and lists local certified Irlen Screeners and Diagnosticians www.dyslexiaclinic.com.au will let you know how to overcome both visual and phonological dyslexia quickly
Is your child still struggling at school? Comprehensive assessments will help to determine the underlying causes of difficulties and point to appropriate interventions and treatment Assessments for Dyslexia (visual and phonological) including report $690 Perceptual screening assessment and LENS Brain Map without report $290
Dyslexia & Reading Solutions
44
autumn 2017
www.dyslexiaclinic.com.au
(08) 7127 4938
Nurture, Inspire, Excite
ADVERTISEMENT
Junior School students at Mercedes College undertake the International Baccalaureate (IB) Primary Years Programme.
A
s an IB school from Reception to Year 12, Mercedes offers a wealth of opportunities to nurture and challenge our students, and enables continuity of learning across their entire schooling. The Primary Years Programme offers a globally renowned education that encourages international mindedness and a positive attitude to learning. Educational experiences are planned with consideration of the needs, abilities and backgrounds of all students. A strong sense of community is nurtured in the Junior School with an emphasis on the pastoral care of each student. Mercedes understands
Staff focus on developing strong and trusting relationships
every child is unique and brings different skills and capabilities. In turn, staff focus on developing strong and trusting
relationships to encourage these individual skills. The learning environments, both inside and out, are designed to stimulate and promote a lifelong love of learning, wellbeing, friendship and community. The recently completed Junior School natural play space has added further opportunities for play and engaging learning, and resulted in educational excitement and fun! To enquire about enrolment opportunities for start of year or mid-year Reception in 2018, or into the future, please contact Rita Micale, Registrar, on 8372 3200 or visit our website www.mercedes.catholic.edu.au
Reception 2018 LIMITED OPPORTUNITIES ENROL TODAY Join the Principal and Heads of School on an Orientation Walk to experience how our environment can help realise your child’s potential. To register please phone or visit www.mercedes.catholic.edu.au
540 Fullarton Road, Springfield SA Telephone 08 8372 3200 Mercedes College is a co-educational, Reception to Year 12 Catholic school in the Mercy tradition, providing a caring and supportive learning environment.
autumn 2017
45
ruby writes | self esteem
Ruby Writes It’s no surprise to learn that teens struggle with self-esteem. Our teen insider, Ruby Stewart, provides a powerful insight into how it plays out in her life and how she thinks parents, and teens themselves, can help the problem.
L
ike many girls my age, I am no stranger to shopping trips with my mum. In fact I am writing this just after returning from one. While we race around the department stores at world record rates we always stop to try a few things on. From these shopping trips, I have discovered that I don’t have very good self-esteem. I’ve always thought my self-esteem was okay, but I’ve found that ever since I became a teenager it has been lower than I’d like it to be. As I try on shoes and clothes I find myself wondering what others would think of the particular clothing I had picked out or if they’d like it. I also find myself constantly questioning whether the clothes that I like are in fashion and on-trend. While I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter what others think I still struggle with the fear of being an outcast of the fashion world. I’m an average 15-year-old teenage girl and, therefore, feel that others may also have experienced the same or very similar feelings. I feel as if all these thoughts and feelings lead back to a low self-esteem. Whilst the feeling of self-doubt that I experience in the change room is one example of a self-esteem issue, there are many other situations where self-esteem can take a nose-dive. A classic symptom of this problem is putting yourself down. To tell you the honest truth, I put myself down a lot. I make jokes about my body and my personality.
And you know what? These jokes don’t make me feel any better about myself or do anything for my self – esteem. While my friends are quick to tell me that I am wrong, I can’t help thinking that they are just being nice and that they’re my friends and they have to say that. When I say these mean things not only am I selling myself short, but I’m also making it okay for other people to say these types of comments and jokes about me as well, which it isn’t. It isn’t okay for your teen to do this either. So, what can you as parents do to boost a good self-esteem in your teen? Well, you can have a chat to your teen! See how they’re going, ask them how they feel about themselves. You can encourage them to play to their strengths, set realistic, achievable goals and think positively. Help them to realise they need to be in control of their thoughts and feelings. Inspire them to broaden their horizons and try something new! Maybe they could volunteer or take up a new hobby like a new sport or cooking or painting? Putting this all down on paper has been a real insight. I’m going to be more mindful of my level of self-esteem. Next time I go shopping I’ll have a different mindset. I’ll actually be able to make some of my own decisions and not worry about what others may think. Because I am me, and I am going to be sure that no – one ever changes that.
To tell you the honest truth, I put myself down a lot. I make jokes about my body and my personality.
46
autumn 2017
finance | financial planning
LIFE AFTER SCHOOL:
Getting sorted financially for further study BY MARIA KESZLER
Finishing school can be an overwhelming time full of choices for school leavers. Some are more focused on the excitement of travelling, making new friends and experiencing new things to be worried about the finer details of getting sorted financially. Maria Keszler at Hern & Associates share a few tips for young adults looking to work or study, post school.
S
o your child’s finished high school and it’s time for allowances and payments. Find out whether your child is them to go out into the big wide world? Many young eligible for one by visiting www.humanservices.gov.au/ people go in different directions such as university, TAFE, apprenticeships, traineeships or employment…to Student Start Up Loans: Student Start Up Loans began name a few. this year as a new initiative to replace the old student While they’re most likely engrossed in their future plans, scholarship programme. This loan is designed to help it’s also really important they get their ducks in a row… students with the cost of studying and is repaid once they financially speaking, especially if they’re start earning an income. The loan is paid looking to study. a maximum of twice a year and at the The Australian moment each loan payment is valued at Government has First things first…Get a tax file number $1,025. This loan is available to students various financial Your child may have applied for a tax who receive Youth Allowance, Austudy assistance programs file number during high school but if not and ABSTUDY. to help students we recommend applying for one now. They will need a tax file number before HELP formerly HECS (Higher complete further they apply for any job and is also useful Education Contribution Scheme): The training and study. if they are applying for any Centrelink HELP programme (Higher Education allowances while studying. They can visit Loan Programme) is designed to help the Australian Tax Office website at www.ato.gov.au to eligible students with fees associated with their education. complete a Tax File Number Application online. Once they There are five different loans now to help with various receive their Tax File Number, it’s theirs for life. higher education and VET programmes. These loan schemes range from help with tuition fees, student services and amenities fees, overseas study expenses and VET Is your child studying? They may be able tuition fees.
to receive financial help
The Australian Government has various financial assistance programs to help students complete further training and study. Centrelink Centrelink has payments to provide financial support while at school, university, TAFE, looking for full time work or undertaking an apprenticeship or traineeship. These payments can also help with the cost of living away from home or if your child lives in remote or rural areas and studying. These payments are subject to eligibility criteria. There are many different
Visit www.studyassist.gov.au for all the information on the various loans available to you. PAYING BACK THE LOAN Students are required to repay the Student Start Up & HELP Loan when their income exceeds the minimum repayment threshold, which is currently $54,126. The Australian Taxation Office manages the payment arrangements. The amount you repay is based on a percentage of your income. The more you earn, the higher the percentage you pay. The ATO calculates the repayment and it is included on your Notice of Assessment, which is issued by the ATO as a result of lodging your tax return.
General Advice Warning: Please note that the advice provided is general advice only as, in preparing it, we did not take into account your financial situation or particular needs. Please seek professional advice before making financial decisions.
autumn 2017
47
mum's the word | with Karen O'Connor
there goes mother of the year... again by karen o'connor
I
’ve recently discovered a new hobby. Re-furbing chairs and various pieces of decades-long neglected furniture into something funky. Which is fun, if not crazy expensive. A week ago I drove the 160km round trip to buy the world's most expensive tin of paint. When So, on a perfectly fine and kids want to sunny Saturday afternoon help you have to I’m sitting in my loungeroom wrestling a 726 year old let them right? chair and trying to get It’s ‘bonding’, upholstery staples out with an ice-pick-type tool. (Think right? Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct but without any semblance of sexiness or intent to kill…) Small Fry (SF) decided she wanted to ‘help’. I think by ‘help’ she meant, drive-me-nuts-andmake-things-20-times-harder, but when kids want to help you have to let them right? It’s ‘bonding’, right?
48
autumn 2017
So Small Fry is ‘helping’ by painting one of the chairs I’d already stripped back. When I say ‘painting a chair’ I mean slopping obscene amounts of paint-that-costs-so-muchyou’d-think-it-was-liquid-gold on the chair, the carpet, in her hair, in MY hair and even on the cat - who’s too stupid to realise NOW is the perfect time for her to make herself scarce. And of course, she is also giving me a continuous running commentary and barrage of questions... ‘Mummy, I’m just using a bit of extra paint but I promise I won’t get it on the carpet.’ ‘Mummy, can I use the stabby thing to get the staples out?” (OH HELL NO!) ‘Mummy, I reeeeaaaalllly wanna use the staple gun’. (See above) I’m fighting with the upholstery staples while pretending to listen/answer questions/be an active and involved parent but the ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ on loop starts to get to me and I’m gonna lose my sh*t. I’m getting more and more frustrated when I finally crack it, look up to (politely and calmly of course) tell her to cut me
mum's the word | with Karen O'Connor a break, when I completely lose my concentration and plunge said nonsexy ice-pick-typetool deep into my wrist. Any swear word or combination of such that she didn’t know before-hand she sure does now. I’m now completely white and sitting on the floor attempting to stem the bleeding and she’s looking at me with eyes the size of saucers. So that is how we came to be sitting in the emergency room of our nearest hospital on a perfectly fine and sunny Saturday afternoon between a smelly hobo and a cranky old man waiting to be seen by a doctor. As I haven’t had a tetanus shot since high school (ie: BC…) they’re eying me off for one of those but before that they want to x-ray me to make sure I didn’t hit the bone. (Am fairly sure you’d be scraping me off of the ceiling if that was the case but I let them poke and prod and jab me with a very large needle anyway) Three hours later we’re home and I’m
feeling particularly parentally guilty Any for making swear word or SF spend the entire combination of such arvo in the that she didn’t know corridors of before hand the Medical Centre with she sure does her unco now. mother so I decide to take us out to dinner to her favourite burger place. (It’s her favourite place because the owner flirts mercilessly with her and she, in turn, flirts back as only a nine year old can.) We’ve ordered enough food to feed a small third world country and he’s chatting to her while we wait. She’s telling him how STARVING she is and it dawns on me that it’s because, in all the mayhem/blood/ fainting I completely forgot to feed her. I sheepishly admit this to him and she pipes up, ‘No Mummy, I did have lunch, I had biscuits and bubblegum!’ And that is when I quietly withdrew this year's application for Mother of the Year…
Cash for containers!
Visit our fully automated recycling centre at 9 Maxwell Rd. Pooraka and get cash for your cans, bottles, and drink containers.
Scout Recycling Centre Your recycling supports Scouts and the Youth of South Australia autumn 2017
49
final word | with Elly Robinson
To the man who abused my young teenage daughter on the local bike path the other day,
I
understand that she must have given you a fright when she unexpectedly turned on to the path without looking, causing you to swerve. It must have seemed like she was being purposely careless, that she had a certain disdain for those around her. You must have felt like she just needed to be taught a lesson, because clearly her parents hadn’t taught her many. So you showered her with an expletive-ridden torrent of abuse, because she simply needed to show more respect to the adults around her, and stop being so self-centred. She needed to grow up and act like an adult. It’s just one of the many similar, sometimes more subtle encounters I have watched between adults and teenagers ever since I have been interested in adolescent health. It’s reflected in the dread with which parents approach the teenage years. Most adults’ attitudes and opinions towards teenagers put them on a par with a household fly – pesky, ubiquitous and unwelcome. So I thought it may help to share with you what really goes on in the teenage years, in an effort to encourage a more developmental perspective in your future encounters. I do this in the hope that you will see how you can actually support young people to grow into respectful and healthy adults. Recent research has shown us that the teenage brain navigates life without the benefit of a fully developed prefrontal cortex. This area of the brain is responsible for actions such as making complex decisions, regulating emotions and understanding future consequences, and it doesn’t fully mature until the early-mid 20s.
Teenagers thus have a limited (but growing) ability to recognise others’ needs and emotions, which helps to explain why they appear to be so selfcentred at this age. It’s not that they are being purposely difficult. They are simply biologically unable to act in an adult manner. This sits alongside the fact that the age of puberty for young women has significantly decreased in recent decades. It means that they physically look much more like adults at a younger age, often around 11 or 12, but cognitively and emotionally they are still closer to children. At the other end of the teenage years, transitions to adult roles are happening much later. In pre-industrial societies, “adulthood” occurred around two years after puberty for girls. In today’s society, young adults delay childbirth, engage in longer periods of education and wait to get married. The gap is now more like a decade. Developmental psychologists describe this contemporary gap between puberty and adult roles as “exceptional in human history”. We also know that in adolescence the brain moves through another
period of malleability. In other words, it is still capable of being shaped by the environment and open to new experiences over this important decade. This means we should be very attuned to the influences we expose teenagers to, because adolescence is a time of great opportunity but also great risk. The teenage brain is very receptive to learning and absorbing new things, so we need to offer a rich array of positive activities and setting boundaries that limit their exposure to negative influences. We also need to be patient and forgiving when they behave erratically or unexpectedly. There are not many places in our city where teenagers are really welcome. I was pleasantly surprised when the National Gallery of Victoria ran a “NGV Teens: Art Party” a little while ago for ages 13-17 – an evening of art and music. It ran from 6-10pm and offers exclusive after hours viewing of current exhibitions. Perfect. It’s a developmentally aware offering to meet teenagers’ social needs, and it shouldn’t be an exception. Teenagers are next decade’s adults. We are all responsible for providing them with the environments they need to flourish. As my daughter said: “People expect us to behave like adults. We’re young. We’re just learning.” I’d ask you to remember those words, and use your fully-functioning adult brain to respond in a more developmentally aware way next time a teenager crosses your path. When the opportunity is right, you may even try smiling at her. Perhaps engage her in a conversation, ask a few questions and listen to her responses without interrupting. You may find, to your surprise, that many teenagers are witty, entertaining and amusingly opinionated.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and good luck for your future encounters. Elly has teamed up with adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Greggto write The Princess Bitchface Syndrome 2.0; to give parents solutions to the challenges they face raising teen girls in new and emerging technologies.
50
autumn 2017
Bring your family along for South Australia’s favourite Children’s Festival 60 MIN
AGES: EVENT TYPE: 6-12 PERFORMANCE
60 MIN
Join us with your families on a trai l of art and wonder dow n North Terrace. A weekend filled with show s, workshops, ac tivities, exhibitions, eati ng, making, wat ch ing, laughing, thinking , chatting, questi oning, dancing, singing and performance s.
AGES: EVENT TYPE: 6-12 PERFORMANCE
The* ( It's Listies Twice 6D as Good as 3D) *
south australian premiere
The award-winning Listies star in 6D* (It's twice as Good as 3D), a kids’ comedy show all about the movies. Expect haunted backpacks, ninja nans, vomiting puppets and automatic toilet paper guns. Big Family Weekend 20–21 May Space Theatre, Adelaide Festival Centre
Adelaide premiere Mr Stink is a touching, twisted, hilarious, and a very smelly tale…hold on to your nose! Based on the book by David Walliams Big Family Weekend 20–21 May Dunstan Playhouse, Adelaide Festival Centre