free Inspired advice for parents of tweens & teens
SPRING 2015
CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOUR TWEENS & TEENS WILL LOVE!
DADS WITH DEPRESSION
THE SILENT EPIDEMIC
ANDREW 'COSI' COSTELLO on RENOVATING and FAMILY
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TIPS TO TAME TEENAGE HORMONES
Learn to finally give ‘mother guilt’ the boot!
WOMEN AGAINST FEMINISM Are our daughters derailing the movement?
+ TEEN FORMAL FASHION + TEEN MAKEUP
special feature
house & home
• styling a parent’s retreat • decorating for tricky tweens • home organisation 101 • refinancing without the stress • sell your house quicker!
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contents SPRING 2015
lifestyle
parenting
9. Spring Moodboard Spring truly is the most glorious time of year. An annual reminder to shake off the old and welcome the new. Time to spoil yourself!
18. Letting Go Letting go can be one of the hardest parts of parenting teenagers. Jo Bainbridge explains.
cover story 24. Andrew ‘Cosi’ Costello: Cows, kids & keeping the wife happy As the poster boy for South Australian tourism, Andrew ‘Cosi’ Costello is the gregarious larrikin we love to love. But as editor Sarah Hausler discovers, there’s so much more to this country boy from Kadina.
house and home feature 9 11. Formal Fashion Choosing the right outfit is possibly the most important formal decision there is. Rosie Cavallaro sources a pretty peaches and cream look. 12. Teen Makeup There’s a special art in learning how to apply makeup well, so we asked Josie Lindsell for her best advice on makeup for teenagers. 14. Community With the costs of attending school formal skyrocketing, a unique Adelaide-based program is providing students with the opportunity to find their dream dress, without breaking the budget. 16. Hers “Who put me in charge – don’t they realise I don’t know what I’m doing?” Is your inner critic making you feel like an imposter in your own life? Emma Grey has the solution.
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35. Onwards & Upwards Upgrading your home might seem like a daunting task. So we asked home loan broker Scott Erickson for his best advice for people considering moving on and moving up. 36. Styling a Parent’s Retreat Every home should have a space Mum and Dad can claim as their own. Interiors expert Janneke features the best in sophisticated adult furnishings and homewares.
christmas gift guide 40. Tween and Teen Gifts Professional shopper Sarah Shanahan knows what your tweens and teens want for Christmas.
28. Tween Girl Interiors If “what’s your favorite colour?” is too difficult a question to contemplate, there’s only one cure… rainbow! Claire Cosh takes us inside her tween daughter’s room. 30. Tween Boy Interiors Boys’ rooms have a dubious reputation for being stinky, dingy mini man-caves. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Claire Cosh shows us a Bear Grylls inspired boys room. 32. Preparing a home for sale Knowing how to present your home for sale can be challenging. Our property restyling expert explains how to increase your chances of a successful sale. 34. Home Organisation Organisation queen, Sarah Shanahan shows us how to de-clutter our homes in order to simplify and enhance our whole lives.
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24 “I like the gap between the point when you fight and the point when you apologise to be as short as humanly possible" Andrew ‘Cosi’ Costello
46. Dads with Depression The concept of fatherhood has changed in recent years. But with change comes new challenges, and for many fathers, these challenges include battling depression and anxiety. Our editor Sarah explores this difficult topic. 4. Shed the Mother Guilt Mother guilt doesn’t have an expiry date. But if you’re still struggling with it more than a decade into your parenting journey, maybe it’s time to let it go. Family counsellor Emma Holdsworth shares with us how to do just that. 50. Taming Teenage Hormones Mood swings, pimples, bloating. Our resident naturopath, Jess Donovan, shares her top five tips for reducing the hormonal tidal wave our teens experience.
REGULARS 16. Q&A Could you ‘Go Green’? We speak to the creators of the Refresh Project to find out just how easy it is to give your life, your home, and our world, a green makeover. 22. The BIG Issue Could the biggest threat to the feminist movement in fact be women themselves? We investigate the growing ‘women against feminism’ movement. 42. In the Kitchen Stephanie Alexander shares her favourite asparagus recipes.
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44. Education Can’t remember the last time you saw your kids handwrite anything? Annie Harvey, explores the issue of declining handwriting practice and standards among today’s students.
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54. Travel Hangovers, overpriced hotel rooms and ‘toolies’? No thanks! We look into why thousands of school leavers are ditching the traditional schoolies destinations in favour of a more fulfilling travel experience.
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spring 2015
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welcome to avery
Published by Avery Magazine Editor Sarah Hausler Art Director Nicole Aspinall
I have this theory.
A
ctually, if you ask my brother he’ll tell you it’s his theory, and that I stole it. This is possibly very true. But for the purpose of this column, I’m claiming it as mine. You know that old cliché about how the years seem to fly by faster every year? Well here’s why it happens. It all comes down to maths. When you’re five years old, one year is a whopping 20 percent of your entire lifetime, so of course it feels like forever. Remember how long it took for Christmas to come around when you were five? Likewise, when you hit 20 years of age, a year is five percent of your life, so at this point, the years start to move past a lot quicker. By the time you reach 40 or 50, each year is now just two to two and a half percent of your life. So damn right those years seem fleeting! It’s with this theory in mind that I’ve opened my eyes to discover it’s already October! Yes, we’re well and truly on the home stretch of 2015. With each passing year it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking: What have I even achieved this year? How was this year any different to last year? It’s even more common for those of us at this stage of our life, when we no longer have the milestones of school, gap years, weddings and new babies to punctuate our lives. Sometimes it feels like groundhog year. Same job, same house, same relentless grind of school drop offs, grocery shopping and paying taxes. We worry about how little we achieve each year. How much we still have left to pay off the mortgage, or how we still can’t afford to buy that new car. Which is why I so thoroughly enjoyed my chat with this issue’s cover boy, Cosi. For two whole decades he was stuck in this cycle, pushing to do, achieve and earn more. I loved hearing his story of how slowing down and spending more time simply being in the moment, with his family, made all the difference. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say a massive thanks to you, our readers. The entire Avery team been overwhelmed by your feedback and support following our launch issue. It’s a tremendous ride pulling this magazine together each issue, and having such positive feedback coming through certainly makes it feel so much more worthwhile. So please continue to email me at sarah@averymagazine.com.au or find us on facebook to let us know your feedback. Until next issue,
Sarah Hausler, Editor
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Intern Rosie Cavallaro Director, Business Development Lynette Kelly
CONTRIBUTORS Stephanie Alexander, Jo Bainbridge, Sharon Brighurst, Rosie Cavallaro, Claire Cosh, Jess Donovan, Scott Erickson, Jenni Eyles, Caroline Graydon, Emma Grey, Annie Harvey, Emma Holdsworth, Josie Lindsell, Janneke Posthumus, Sarah Shanahan, Ruby Stewart ILLUSTRATION Kate Mason PHOTOGRAPHY Nicole Aspinall, Claire Cosh, Sarah Shanahan
PRINT Print Know How www.printknowhow.com.au DISTRIBUTION Passing Out Distribution www.passingout.com.au Romeo's Foodland, IGA and SupaIGA www.romeosretailgroup.com.au
ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES Lynette Kelly Phone 0438 513 960 Email lynette@averymagazine.com.au
GENERAL ENQUIRIES Address PO Box 715 Prospect East SA 5082 Email hello@averymagazine.com.au Website www.averymagazine.com.au
COPYRIGHT All material appearing in Avery Magazine is copyright unless otherwise stated or it may rest with the provider of the supplied material. No part of Avery Magazine will be reproduced without written permission from the Publisher. Avery Magazine takes all care to ensure information is correct at the time of printing, but the publisher accepts no responsibility or liability for the accuracy of any content, illustrations, photographs, advertisements or pricing. Views expressed are not neccessarily endorsed by the publisher or editor.
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contributors
WE’VE SCOURED THE STATE TO BRING TOGETHER OUR AMAZING TEAM OF EXPERTS.
jenni eyles
janneke posthumus
Columnist A mum of two teenage boys, proudly curvy, a lover of all things pretty and a cancer thriver.
Stylist A graphic designer and interior architect with two boys - a tween and a teen, Janneke believes we should all find our own style.
www.stylingcurvy.com
jo bainbridge
www.jannekeposthumus.wordpress.com
annie harvey
Columnist A Gen X wife and mother of three teens. Jo loves chocolate, wine, 80s music and good company.
Education A school teacher who firmly believes all children can reach their full potential provided they are supported in their learning.
www.sweet-child-of-mine.tumblr.com
www.kipmcgrath.com.au/holdfastbay
emma grey
SARAH SHANAHAN
Columnist A published author, speaker and trainer, Emma is the mother of two teenage girls and a three year old boy. She also has two step-children in their early twenties.
Stylist A professional organiser with a passion for interior design, Sarah is a mother of four teens who thrives on order and organisation.
www.worklifebliss.com.au
claire cosh
www.sarahshouse.com.au
emma holdsworth
Stylist A long time fashion and interiors addict with a journalism degree, a baby and a couple of tweens.
Family Counsellor A counsellor and parent educator, Emma is passionate about supporting families to transform their relationships.
www.clairecollected.com
www.treehousecounselling.com.au
SARAH HAUSLER
ruby stewart
Editor A journalist, Occupational Therapist and mum, Sarah combines clinical expertise and a love of writing to inspire, inform and support parents and families.
Columnist At 13, Ruby has her sights set on a career in journalism. Her loves include netball, softball, piano, reading and One Direction.
www.sarahhausler.com.au
jessica donovan
Naturopath A women’s holistic health expert, Jess’ down to earth approach helps empower women to take charge of their own and their family’s wellbeing. www.energeticmama.com
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maria keszler
Finance Experienced accountant and partner at a community based, family focused accounting firm. www.herns.com.au
(life)style | moodboard
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www.kmart.com.au
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send a friend some snail mail 3
spring has sprung !
With the scent of gardenia filling the air and streetscapes coming to life with masses of blossoming trees, spring truly is the most glorious time of year. An annual reminder to shake off the old and welcome the new, spring is all about refreshing your life. Buy a bunch of tulips. Make time for brunch with your Nana. Slip on a new pair of sparkly sandals and take a stroll in the sun. Spring is here. Life starts now.
mani up - expose your toes in strappy shoes
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time to get organised! 7
spoil yourself with something pretty!
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1. LOVE STAR QUEEN OF HEARTS HAMMERED COPPER HEART VASE $99, 2. HARTLAND BROOKLYN MINI FLORAL BLANK CARD $4.50, 3. CITY CHIC PERSIA CONTOUR BRA AND SHORTY FROM $24.95, 4. GRACE AND JAMES FLORAL ROMANCE CANDLE $49.95, 5. KMART WATER HYACINTH DIPPED BASKETS $19, 6. HUNTING FOR GEORGE BANJO CLOCK $179, 7. KATE MASON ART PRINT $28.93 www.citychic.com.au
spring 2015
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(life)style | highlight
spring 2015
high·light n. An especially significant or interesting detail or event. Real Men Wear Nail Polish More than 40 high profile Australian men, including Olympian Michael Klim, actor Gyton Grantley and musician Dan Sultan, have been named as key ambassadors for the #polishedman campaign this October. Established by social entrepreneurship organisation YGAP, Polished Man encourages men to apply nail polish to one of their five fingernails, to represent the one in five children who will experience physical or sexual violence worldwide.
Funds raised from the campaign will directly support children affected by violence, while also investing in preventative measures to help end children at risk of experiencing violence.
It’s official – colouring books are the number one trend right now. Not just for kids, but for all of us, with adult colouring books topping the best selling book charts. There is something about colouring that takes you to a peaceful place. While you are colouring you are absorbed in that one activity and the rest of the world is on hold. When we colour our mind slows down and those things that stress us out disappear for a moment. It’s relaxing, meditative and allows us to centre our energy - something that is very hard to capture in this fast paced world in which we live. Avery magazine is delighted to offer readers a chance to win a mindful colouring pack of a copy each of Secret Garden and Enchanted Forest both by Johanna Basford, valued at $40. Email your entries to hello@averymagazine.com.au with the subject line “Colour” and include your name, address and phone number.
n! wi
YGAP CEO and co-founder Elliot Costello, says their vision is a world without violence and extreme poverty, “YGAP exists to find and support impact entrepreneurs around the world, who are improving the lives of those living in extreme poverty”, Mr. Costello said.
Colour me Happy
Competition closes 30/11/15. Winners will be notified in December. Full terms and conditions at www.averymagazine.com.au
To support Polished Man, men are encouraged to register and paint one nail during the month of October, or donate at www.polishedman.com
Make your mark at the Gallery this school holidays It’s ‘game on’ at the Art Gallery of South Australia this summer, as art, culture, body image and sport converge in a series of special events. Tour the Power of Pattern: The Ayako Mitsui Collection, and explore shibori techniques of gathering, sewing, clamping and pole wrapping, using natural dyes to make a tote bag or cushion cover to take home. Also open until January 2016 is the inaugural TARNANTHI Festival of Contemporary Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Art. Artist Tony Albert, whose photographic work addresses the impact of negative comments on self-image, will lead a workshop guiding students to use mixed media to create a strong and positive statement about themselves as a hero. Footy fanatics will find their place at TARNANTHI, as a gallery studio is transformed into a ‘Bush Footy’ oval, inspired by the work of Utopia artists Dinni Kunoth Kemarre and Josie Kunoth Petyarre. Dinni Kunoth Kemarre | Anmatyerre people, Northern Territory Dinni’s Dream Team, 2009 | synthetic polymer paint on Bean Tree (E. vespertilio) Image courtesy of the artist and Mossenson Galleries
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For more information including cost and age suitability visit www.tarnanthi.com.au
(life)style | formal fashion
peaches
www.lightweddings.com.au
&cream
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A DREAMY FORMAL LOOK BY ROSIE CAVALLARO
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1. LITTLE MISTRESS PLUS BARDOT $144, 2. FOREVER NEW BETTINA LOOPED CHAIN $29.99, 3. COLLETE HAYMAN TEARDROP STONE WRISTWEAR $14.95, 4. COLLETE HAYMAN LEAF GLITTER SNAP BANGLE $12.95, 5. BETTS GLORY SILVER RHINESTONE CLUTCH $79.99, 6. FOREVER NEW FAYE CAGED HEELS $99.99, 7. FOREVER NEW MELISSA EMBELLISHED TULLE MAXI DRESS $229, 8. COLLETTE HAYMAN PRINCESS SQUARE EARRINGS $7.95, 9. FOREVER NEW ANDY FILIGREE NECKLACE $22.99, 10. ASOS FLORAL EMBELLISHED CLUTCH $79, 11. COLLETE HAYMAN REGINA ENVELOPE CLUTCH $12.95, 12. COLLETTE HAYMAN CROSSOVER SNAP BANGLE $19.95, 13. BETTS LUCKY 2 $89.99
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(life)style | teen makeup
all made
up
BY JOSIE LINDSELL
Try as you might, there’s no keeping teenage girls away from the makeup counter. But there’s a special art in learning how to apply it well, so we asked Avery Magazine make up artist Josie Lindsell for her best advice on makeup for teenagers.
I love that the mineral makeup is light but has great coverage.
Heavy brows are on trend so avoid over plucking or with time you’ll have none left. Eyebrows frame the face, keep unruly brows looking neat and tidy with a touch of shea butter or coconut oil applied with a finger.
MALIKA, 15
Use a light, oil free moisturiser. Teenagers are already producing enough oil due to hormones and lifestyle factors.
During the day, opt for a tinted lip balm or gloss, rather than lipstick. Avoid lip products containing alcohol as these dry your lips out, requiring frequent reapplication.
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All you need during the day is a good quality mineral makeup - a BB cream on its own or under powder. These products should contain a moisturiser, sunscreen and no harsh chemicals. Add a swipe of mascara and lipgloss and maybe blush if you have fair skin.
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Never EVER share makeup or makeup brushes. Pimples and cold sores spread easily. Clean sponges every time you use them and wash brushes every two weeks.
makeup JOSIE LINDSELL | photography NICOLE ASPINALL
day time
(life)style | teen makeup
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love makeup, it’s my passion and my livelihood. I love it because I believe in the potential for make up to enhance your features and allow your personality to shine through. I also believe, especially for teenagers and tweens, that makeup shouldn’t be a mask. It’s not something to hide behind, or to make you look like someone you’re not. Teenage girls shouldn’t look like a Kardashian, they should look like themselves. The best approach is to keep it simple. Also, it’s important to remember that great makeup starts with a great base. Your face is a canvas, and to have
great makeup you have to prepare that canvas very well. Make sure skin is perfectly clean before you start applying makeup, but also make sure you have a solid long term skin care routine. All women, teenage or otherwise, should cleanse morning and night, and always remember my number one rule – never go to bed with make up on! Josie is a Stylist, Make-up Artist, Nail Technician, Beauty Consultant, massage therapist and nationally accredited make-up and personal presentation trainer and assessor. Her mobile beauty and styling service specialises in styling and make-up for weddings, special occasions, Hen’s Nights, School formals and Mother’s Day.
WWW.JOSIESBEAUTY.COM
I don’t normally wear makeup, but I love this night time look. EMILY, 16
night time
Look closely at the iris of your eye for different colours, then choose similar eyeshadow shades.
Add concealer, eye shadow, eye liner, blush and a brighter lip for a night time look. Use setting powder to keep makeup in place longer. To apply blush correctly, smile and look for the apple of the cheek. Brush diagonally up from that natural roundness of the cheek towards the ear this line helps to lift the face. Lipstick stays longer if you follow this method: Apply, Blot, Powder, Reapply!
In the evening, make sure you apply powder all the way down to the skin of the decolletage and up to the ears, to ensure blended skintone; especially in photos.
win! with momma makeup Avery magazine is delighted to offer readers a chance to win a Ministry of Mineral Makeup Australia starter kit consisting of foundation powder, blush, mini brush, lipstick and mascara valued at $67. Email your entries to hello@averymagazine.com.au with the subject line “MOMMMA” and include your name, address and phone number. Competition closes 30/11/15. Winners will be notified in December. Full terms and conditions at www.averymagazine.com.au
spring 2015
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(life)style | community
Best Dressed BY SARAH HAUSLER
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(life)style | community
If it’s true that the best ideas come from simple conversations, then Dressed For Formal is a perfect example.
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he dress donation program, created by high school teachers Allira Sierke and Annette Ryan, came to life after chatting to their Fremont-Elizabeth City High School students about the high costs involved in preparing for school formal. “Some of them were really freaking out because it can be so expensive,” said Allira. “With hair and make-up, tans and limos, and obviously the dress. They were a bit concerned about how they were going to afford that.” From that little chat, the concept grew organically, Allira and Annette deciding to do a ‘shout out’ to their friends and family for donations of great quality, second hand formal dresses. Their dream was to gather together a selection of dresses, to allow those students who might not be able to afford to buy a formal dress the chance to borrow a beautiful gown for their special night. Spreading quickly across the social media grapevine, the idea drew huge support from the local community and a swag of online style bloggers, including Lucy Cornes of She Shopped, who has even arranged for her and her team to provide a styling advice group session for the girls. In fact, the idea exploded so rapidly, Allira and Annette had to move quickly to define and implement Dressed For Formal, to keep pace with the online buzz. “It just kind of happened,” Allira said. “It wasn’t a planned thing, it just kind of rolled on out there and now it’s become a force to be reckoned with. When we got 200 likes we thought we were so cool, but it just kept growing and now we have 1200. “We’ve got Facebook followers from all over the world now, which is really bizarre to think of.” All that social media attention has also transferred over into real world results, with the team receiving more than 100 dresses from across the country, including Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Tasmania and Cairns. One London-based follower even arranged for her mother here in Adelaide to donate her old formal dress on her behalf. Of the 100 dresses donated, many of which are actually brand new, Allira says there is luckily only one double up.
“It's not just what the dress looks like but what it represents, which is the community coming together from all across Adelaide to support my students.”
When pressed, she singles out a stunning white tulle gown as one of her top picks, though she says it is simply too hard to choose a definite favourite. “They are all beautiful and some people have been so generous,” she said. “It’s not just what the dress looks like but what it represents, which is the community coming together from all across Adelaide to support my students.
“They’re the whole reason I did this.” For the students interested in borrowing a Dressed for Formal dress, a special event will be held in the school holidays, so the girls can bring someone else with them, such as their mother, a friend or a sister, to help them choose their outfit. “I went formal shopping with my mum so I think it’s really nice for them to be able to bring someone else in to share that experience with them,” said Allira. Among those looking forward to taking part in this year’s program are Year 12 students Emma Tolley, 18, and Nyibolo Mark, 19, who sing the praises of the program for easing the financial stress of formal night. “Now I don’t have to worry about going to the shops and looking through $200 plus dresses,” said Nyibolo. Emma also agrees, pointing out that many students couldn’t afford to spend large amounts of money on a single dress that was likely to “just sit in their wardrobe and do nothing” after formal. “It just takes some of the stress off and then I can spend more money on hair, make-up and accessories,” she said. With this year’s formal just weeks away, it’s sure to be a busy time for the Dressed for Formal team. But they are already looking forward, with plans to expand the program across Adelaide in 2016 and several requests from others interstate, keen to implement the program in their home states in the coming year. For more information visit facebook.com/dressedforformal.
spring 2015
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(life)style | hers BY EMMA GREY
who do you think you are? Ever been worried that you’re a complete and utter fraud? That you’re really not cut out to be a parent? Or that you’re completely inexperienced for that promotion you somehow snagged? It’s a common feeling. So common in fact, there’s actually a name for it: Imposter Syndrome. It’s happening to more people than you might think, as Emma Grey explains.
I
was recently asked to speak at a conference, which is something I do fairly regularly and generally love. But when I arrived at this event, I glanced at the program and realised I was sharing the stage with some extremely high-profile people, including an internationallyacclaimed rock star. I’m not usually nervous speaking at events these days, having overcome a big fear of public speaking several years ago, but on this particular day the following thoughts flitted through my mind: Why did they ask ME? What am I doing here? I don’t belong in this line-up… Imposter Syndrome often pops up in those moments when we take a new step. We feel like a fraud. We don’t know what we’re doing. We fear we’ve somehow slipped through the system undetected—and any minute now we’ll be found out. Cheryl Sandberg, Emma Watson and even Albert Einstein felt it. In the month before the scientist’s death he was reported to have said to a friend, “The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” I remember feeling like a ‘swindler’ the day we brought our first child home from the maternity ward. We carried her over the threshold and placed her tentatively in the bassinet, then just stared at her, thinking, “Who put us in charge?” Raising children has been one stepping stone to the next ever since—some sure-footed, some wobbly. Sixteen years later, parenting still serves plenty of ‘now what?’ moments. It’s not just parenthood, either. There are plenty of times when I’ve looked around, personally and professionally, and thought, “other people seem to know what they’re doing…”, but felt totally at sea myself. Imposter Syndrome knows no bounds, but I’ve figured out a few ways to work around it. So here’s my top three tips for tackling your ‘inner-imposter’.
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Talk about it
When you’re open about what you don’t know and about times when you feel nervous or uncertain, the chances are people around you are relieved to hear it. It’s easier for all of us to open up about our self-doubt when we’re in the company of strong people who don’t mind showing their vulnerability. This isn’t about being unnecessarily self-deprecating, or claiming you’re going to fail something that you quietly believe you’re going to nail. It’s about speaking up in those
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moments of genuine uncertainty or fear, acknowledging what you’re feeling, and getting on with it anyway. This is particularly powerful for parents of teens, who often feel nervous or unsure about their own abilities. Seeing you own those feelings, and doing things of which you’re afraid or unsure about, is far more empowering for teens to watch than false bravado.
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Buy some time
If you’re on a learning curve, factor in a time buffer. Let people know you’re new in a job and ask them to be patient while you ‘read in’ to the role. Ask lots of questions (particularly the silly ones) and gather information. Similarly, teach your tweens and teens that you may not be able to give them a yes or no answer on the spot. Sometimes they ask permission to do something that involves a big step towards being more independent - parties, relationships, trips away. Often it comes with an added level of risk and, as a parent, you’re just not sure… it’s new territory for you too. Help teens get into a habit of asking you to consider situations carefully before you give them an answer. They’ll see that mature thinking requires us to stop and think, to ask questions and discuss situations openly—which stands them in good stead for their own decision-making too.
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Remember how you got here
Go back to that moment when you first brought your baby home. And look at your child now! While we might become parents overnight, it takes years for us to find our way. It can help us to acknowledge all the things we’ve done to reach this point. At work, too—think back to your first job, and how little you knew then. You might be entering a new phase in your career now, and feeling scared about it, but there’s evidence all through your working life of being able to handle new phases and get on top of things. Little by little, the steps we take out of our comfort zones helps those zones to widen. We become more experienced. We learn and grow and change. Feeling like an imposter usually means you’re alive, and on the right track. Learn to embrace it.
(life)style | hers
Honey, I shrunk the chef!
your health takes priority at healthsense medical centre
Celebrity chef, civil celebrant and author, Dorinda Hafner shares how she pulled off an 80kg weight-loss in her seventh book, Honey, I shrunk the chef!
HealthSense Medical Centre, in the Stables Shopping Centre, Golden Grove, is a newly established allied health provider dedicated to the wellbeing needs of the community.
Packed with recipes, tips, gorgeous photos and brutally honest accounts of the struggles, the tears, the joys, and the eventual blossoming into a new, more youthful, vital and energetic Dorinda, Honey I shrunk the chef is a heart-warming account of one woman’s journey to health.
Through a committed team of doctors and nurses providing seven day a week care, HealthSense offers access to on site pathology, physiotherapy, podiatry, exercise physiology, dietitian, diabetes educator, audiology and psychology services.
The book contains over 80 nutritious and delicious, dietician approved, medically endorsed, triple tested recipes - most of which are 300 calories per portion or less. Generous discounts are offered for Avery readers who order three or more books online before Christmas. www.honeyishrunkthechef.com
The doctors of HealthSense Medical Centre take an holistic view of health and prioritise preventative measures to support patients’ wellbeing.
The new challenge in aqua fitness! Developed by an Italian sports physiologist, the innovative AcquaPole workout allows maximum freedom of movement, playing with water resistance. The AcquaPole program includes various protocols including postural techniques, rehabilitation, toning, as well as choreographed routines. Each position has been designed to use the water resistance in an innovative way, allowing you to create maximum movement and a killer core! The addition of the boxing bag to the AcquaPole allows you to take fitness to a whole new level with high energy cardio workouts.
The centre’s regular training and external accreditation program ensures staff provide healthcare services to professional standards. Phone 8251 3885 for an appointment or book online via their easy to use website, available in over 100 languages. www.healthsensemc.com.au
• A fantastic toning opportunity, especially abdominal, hips and core as well as trunk and shoulders • Improves osteoarticular flexibility and co-ordination through combined exercises • Improves cardiovascular activity, blood circulation and all postural muscles • Alleviates pressure on joints and back without decreasing the workload • Burns fat and enhances self esteem. Join a class at Parafield Gardens Swim School Phone 8285 3666 or 0412 770 738 www.facebook.com/acquapoleaustralasia
Motherhood can be tough on a woman’s body The rigours of pregnancy, of lugging around toddlers on your hips for a few years, wrangling heavy backpacks and bookbags on hundreds of walks to school, lack of proper relaxation time, poor nutrition, sleep deprivation. These everyday occurrences all add up for women and can cause chronic aches, pains, muscle imbalances, poor flexibility and decreased strength, not to mention that little problem when we accidentally sneeze on a full bladder. We all want to be strong, and have a body that will stand the test of time and effectively carry us through life.
Women’s needs change as they move through various stages of their lives. What you did to keep yourself fit and strong at 20 is unlikely to work for you in your 30s and 40s. The Women’s Health Occupational Therapy service at Bloom Wellbeing helps empower women to understand more about their own bodies throughout their lifespan, and gives them the tools and knowledge to help support their own healing, while providing holistic treatment strategies and Pilates based rehabilitation protocols. If you feel like its time for a new perspective on your own body, then make sure to check out our injury management services at www.bloomwellbeing.com.au/injury-management spring 2015
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Q&A | the refresh project
with the Q&A Go-Green Mums Long term friends and self-described ‘sustainable earth mamas’ Robyn Palmer and Belinda Wilson-Chartres are the brains and passion behind The Refresh Project. A website, online community and app dedicated to improving the health of individuals, families and the world.
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very Magazine caught up with Robyn and Belinda to find out just how easy it is to have your home and family ‘Go Green’.
How did you come together to create the Refresh Project? It was just meant to be! We have been close friends and work colleagues for such a long time, and share so many of the same passions and ideals. Even though we now live in different states, each time we got together we would chat about our dreams of sharing our passion with others. It made sense to join forces. The Refresh Project was born out of a desire to inspire people with simple achievable steps to live their best life. The original focus was on all facets of healthy living including nutrition, movement, relaxation, mindfulness, gratefulness and living a natural, chemical free life. This is health from the inside out, but we also need to focus on health from the outside in and focus on the health of our planet, as this impacts greatly on our wellbeing and that of future generations. How do you feel about Australia’s current status as a green community? How far do we have to go? There are some great innovations happening in this wonderful country of ours, but unfortunately we are still well behind other countries in being considered green. Our Great Barrier Reef is in serious danger, our government seems to prefer fossil fuels over renewable energy and has a lack of commitment to action on climate change. It’s embarrassing that we are consistently viewed by other countries as one of the world’s worst performers on climate change. We have only pledged to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by five percent by the year 2020, which is dismal compared to the rest of the world. On the bright side, more and more schools are registered as ‘sustainable schools’ and many have kitchen garden programs. More community gardens are popping up all over the place, there are more green walls on buildings, more organic shops and cafés and a greater recognition of the importance of greening our community. People are really focusing on their own health and the health of the planet, however more education in this area will lead to a greater change and a clear direction for future generations to live by.
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What do we need to do as a community and as individual households to help improve our eco-footprint? We all need to start appreciating nature. To identify how important the environment really is. If we stop treating this planet like we have another one to go to, and start thinking about the consequence of everything we buy, then our eco-footprint will improve. One very easy improvement is to reduce our waste. Before buying anything new, or before throwing anything away, just consider these 4 words “Refuse, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”. Let’s start thinking about where all the rubbish is going, about how long it will sit in landfill, rather than having this out of sight, out of mind attitude. People should also look at the impact they can make as individuals. We are a great example that one person (or two in our case) can create change. We are approached by people on a daily basis telling us they are implementing our ideas for change. If we all lead in this way, imagine the change to follow!
People should also look at the impact they can make as individuals. We are a great example that one person (or two in our case) can create change. What is the long term mission of the Refresh Project? To inspire other parents on their journey to creating super healthy kids, a sparkling healthy home and a clean healthy world. We will take our own family experiences, striving for a healthier way of living, to develop simple changes for a healthy and sustainable way of life. We will continue to inspire people with healthy recipes, healthy adventures, healthy product reviews and ongoing health and sustainability motivation.
Q&A | the refresh project
We will continue to work with businesses, government organisations and childhood educators to create a wider impact and bring about the change we all need. We are mums on a mission to bring positive change, through taking small steps, leading to a great impact over time. Your app helps people to make bite-sized changes in their daily lives. Is going green really that easy, or do you find people get overwhelmed by the concept? Yes it is REALLY that easy! I think the overwhelm people feel is connected to not knowing where to start. Some believe that it’s all too hard, that it’s too late to make any real difference or that one person can’t make enough of an impact. This is exactly why we created the app. We wanted everyone to see that even the smallest changes in every day life can make a big difference over time. By breaking down the steps into 52 tasks (just one per week), and starting from simplest to hardest, we have made going green so easy.
Belinda & Robyn’s 10 simple steps to ‘Go Green and Get Healthy’
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Walk barefoot in nature Eat more plant-based foods Eat less processed food Move your body more Reduce plastic use Reduce, Reuse, Recycle Reduce chemicals in the home Reduce chemicals on your body Eat organic as much as possible Plant something
For more information visit www.therefreshproject.com.au
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parenting | with jo bainbridge
Letting Go BY JO BAINBRIDGE
Last year I put my 17 year old on a plane and sent him off on a five week school trip to Europe. It almost caused me a mini nervous breakdown. I was so proud of him, but I was equally terrified for him.
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hat if someone tampered with his bag whilst he stopped over in Dubai? What if he was mugged while exploring Rome? Or abducted by a circus troop in Paris? Yep, I was becoming a little irrational. But the reality of not being able to be there to protect and defend him almost made me want to crash tackle security and throw myself at his ankles, screaming ‘don’t go baby!’ Instead I smiled to hide my tears and terror, and waved him off. As a smart, independent and mature almost-adult, he was about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. He was nervous but excited. The world was literally at his feet. Upon reflection, that moment was a snapshot of what parenting teens is all about.
Teenagers and young adults are blessed with a wondrous sense of awe and hunger for experience. Remember those days, when things were exciting and new? But as we grow up many parents forget that sense of wonder and excitement, and interpret their teenager’s lust for experience as recklessness and an inability to know right from wrong. But, if we as parents have done a good job of instilling love and confidence in our children, then those experiences our teens seek will not be the ones we fear the most: drugs, alcohol, and so on. What they want is to experience catching up with friends, learning about the world, making decisions on their own and exploring all the amazing things the world has to offer.
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1 78 M A I N S O U T H R OA D, M O R P H E T T VA L E 5 1 6 2 8 3 8 2 24 3 6
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parenting | with jo bainbridge
My son could have been a victim of bag tampering in Dubai, he could have been mugged in Rome, maybe the circus abduction was a little far fetched, but the reality is there were ‘bad’ things that could have happened to him whilst on the other side of the world. But the good things that DID happen to him were worth the risk. As parents we can jump to worst case scenario in a millisecond and our actions are often based on fear, rather than fact. ‘Worst case scenario thinking’ can be a sign of helicopter parenting. The protective impulse we had when they were little is similar to how we feel when they are teens, only when they are teens it is about a million times worse. The world is far bigger and far scarier than they can imagine and protecting them from all the bad out there is our job, isn’t it? But there is a danger to this level of protection parenting: the act of ‘protecting’ them from the bad, by denying them experiences at every turn, is in fact a leading cause of them going out to seek the danger. How stifling and belittling must it be to constantly be told you are not old enough,
responsible enough or mature enough to do that or go there? When my teens ask me to allow them to do something that does worry me, I talk to them abut my concerns. The discussion is had as to what ‘could’ happen and the best way to avoid that happening. In most cases compromise can be achieved. I am honest in saying ‘this scares me because of…’ and it allows my teen to know that I care about them and I want them to be safe, not that I don’t trust them. Teens want to know you have confidence in them, and they actually appreciate when you care enough to voice your concerns. An honest “I am scared for you” is so much more powerful than a “No! Because I said so!” The art of trusting our children and allowing them to experience and learn from the world is challenging. But the rewards of watching them live life to the fullest should always be more important than the fears we naturally have about their possible harm. To let them live is the strongest sign that you love them. The teen years are as much about them spreading their wings as it is about us letting them grow away from us.
AS PARENTS WE CAN JUMP TO WORST CASE SCENARIO IN A MILLISECOND AND OUR ACTIONS ARE OFTEN BASED ON FEAR, RATHER THAN FACT.
For the first time AcquaPole® has come to Australia
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Burn Fat and Tone Up Improve Flexibility Increase Circulation Alleviate Joint Pressure Enhance Self Esteem
join a class
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Contact your Authorised AcquaPole® Agent to purchase your own AcquaPole®, attend training or join a class.
Kym A’Court 8285 3666 or 0412 770 738 www.facebook.com/acquapoleaustralasia spring 2015
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the BIG issue | feminism
are our daughters destroying feminism? BY SARAH HAUSLER
There was once a time when the greatest threat to feminism came from the entrenched patriarchal society in which women lived. Today, however, it seems the feminist movement is most at risk from a much more unlikely source: women. In particular a young, vocal and growing movement, insistent on disowning feminism as unnecessary and antiquated. Sarah Hausler investigates.
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n the past year the #womenagainstfeminism “To this sentiment, I blow a big fat raspberry. hashtag has exploded. This is thanks, in most “Currently, women are paid only eight-one cents to part, to the Women Against Feminism Tumblr the male dollar, and most boards and executive teams page, where young women post images of are mostly or purely male. Given this, the idea that we no themselves holding placards bearing statements longer need feminism is ridiculous.” such as “I don’t need feminism because I can own Ms Munro is adamant the world will be a better place up to the mistakes I’ve made in my life and do when the feminist movement meets its ideals of gender not have to blame them on the completely equality and equal representation. fictional ‘partiarchy’”, “I don’t need “I will gratefully kiss the need for feminism modern feminism because I like goodbye when the most important decisions on men”, “I don’t need feminism the planet are made by an equal proportion because I believe in equal rights, of men and women,” she says. I will gratefully not gender shaming,” and “I “When girls and women have don’t need feminism because I equal access to quality education. kiss the need for like men looking at me when When women no longer fear for feminism goodbye when I look good.” * their safety. We are nowhere near Concurrent with this social this being a reality. Until we are, the most important decisions media movement are the feminism has a powerful role to on the planet are made by anti-feminist protestations play.” of a swag of young female Given the current levels of an equal proportion of celebrities, such as Divergent female success in secondary and men and women. actress Shailene Woodley, and tertiary education, Ms Munro says DR GEMMA MUNRO singers Meghan Trainor and Lana it is unsurprising the ‘women against Del Rey, the latter denouncing feminism’ movement is being led by this feminism in a Rolling Stone interview demographic. last year, describing it as “just not an “Most young women I meet who describe interesting concept.” Or Kelly Clarkson, who themselves as ‘anti-feminist’ have not yet seen told Time Magazine in 2013, “I love that I’m evidence of gender equity barriers,” she says. being taken care of, and I have a man that’s an “At university, for instance, women outperform men. actual leader.” What happens when women join the workforce, though, is So how does this impact on feminism? Is extraordinary. These higher-performing female graduates are this current anti-feminist sentiment a sign paid, on average, 10 percent less than male graduates. the movement has had its day and is no longer “I work with women who are aspiring to move to needed in our society? leadership level in their workplaces. It is usually at this Absolutely not, says Dr Gemma Munro, CEO of training stage that women become aware of the glass ceiling.” and development organisation Inkling Women, and current Adelaide based feminist writer Lou Heinrich has also finalist in the 2015 Telstra Business Women Awards, who tracked the growing anti-feminist argument and suggests says women still have a long way to go to attain equal rights, there are two major faults with the movement. and feminism continues to be the way forward. “First, it ignores the history of suffragettes and activists, “Anti-feminism supposes that feminism is no longer which has laid the groundwork for women’s freedom they needed; that women and men have achieved equality, and enjoy daily, even issues such as education and economic women are no longer served by a movement that suggests freedom are still a relatively new concept for women,” Ms they require special treatment,” Ms Munro says. Heinrich says.
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the BIG issue | feminism “Secondly, it assumes there is an almighty mothership of individual to choose’. feminism, that feminists are a single group with “What feminism has worked for so far is giving unified goals.” women the ability to choose - to have an It is this concept – of a single unifying education, to be able to spend their own strand of feminism, which Ms money, to decide what career they want. I don’t Heinrich believes may also be the And we’re still working for that - too culprit for feminism’s long held often we are confined by society’s believe that women undesirable reputation. expectations of who we should be or should have power over “Because people have had how we should act.” men. In that sense you negative experiences with Like Dr Munro, Heinrich says individual feminists, they “there is no doubt” the feminist could also call me an misunderstand the movement movement still has much to egalitarian, but that would based on this,” says Heinrich. achieve in order to bring about a ignore the centuries of “Admittedly, this conflict truly equal society, both here in derives from true experiences Australia and around the world. female oppression. but hey, we’re not a religion with The anti-feminists’ preferred labels LOU HEINRICH hierarchical systems of power. It’s of humanism or egalitarianism are not a wide school of thought with no enough, says Ms Heinrich, adding the public representative, so the message word ‘feminism’ isn’t something to be feared can get confused.” or disowned. These arguments aside, Ms Heinrich “A regular comment is ‘I don’t need feminism believes many in the ‘women against feminism’ corner because I believe in equal rights’ - well, I do actually value the same goals and freedoms as those too,” Ms Heinrich says. who label themselves feminists. “I don’t believe that women should have “To me it hinges on misunderstanding,” she says. power over men. In that sense you could also “My favourite anti-feminist argument is, ‘I do not call me an egalitarian, but that would ignore the need contemporary western feminism as I do not believe centuries of female oppression.” women must all think and act the same way; it is for the * (source: womenagainstfeminism.tumblr.com)
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mardenseniorcollege Juliet Pannozzo is the Editor of Communications at Mum Media Group, a digital media channel of seven magazine style sites, aimed at Australian women. Juliet lives in Adelaide with her husband and two young children and is passionate about gender and humanitarian issues.
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spring 2015
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& cover story | andrew ‘cosi’ costello
Cows, kids keeping the wife happy
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spring 2015
BY SARAH HAUSLER
styling JOSIE LINDSELL | photography NICOLE ASPINALL
As the poster boy for South Australian tourism, Andrew ‘Cosi’ Costello is the gregarious larrikin we love to love. But as Sarah discovers, there’s so much more to this country boy from Kadina.
"My whole life philosophy started to change and I swore I’d never be governed by money ever again”
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s a young man, Andrew ‘Cosi’ Costello had one single dream - to be a millionaire by the time he was 30 years of age. This single-minded goal was the driving force behind him spending his entire youth working, taking on double shifts and juggling two or three jobs at once, while his mates were out socialising. “I worked pretty hard from when I was about 15,” said Cosi. “I missed out on a lot of things when I was young because I worked.” From collecting cans at 10 years of age, to lawn mowing, working on a farm and in a butcher store, and even the good old nightfill at Woolies, Cosi has always had a commitment to hard work. It was one of the strongest messages he inherited from his parents, while growing up in Kadina on the Yorke Peninsula. “Mum and Dad were obsessive about work, purely for the reason they wanted to provide the best for us,” he said Even when he won his coveted position on radio station SAFM, via way of an Amazing Race style competition, Cosi still kept working on the farm. Determined to earn as much money as possible, Cosi admits his priorities at the time were “money first, everything else later.” So what was it that turned it all around for this one-time workaholic? How did he make the transition from the man who once worked 265 days straight, to a man whose whole life is now about encouraging people to take more holidays? Ironically enough, it was his appearance on reality tv show, The Biggest Loser. For this show, whose marketing department will tell you is all about transformation, truly did change Cosi’s life. Just not in the way he was expecting. “I had everything taken away for four and a half months,” said Cosi. “I didn’t have a phone, I couldn’t drive a car. “It was just like being in jail, except the inmates are fatter.” Reflecting on his experience with the infamous weight loss show, Cosi explains his biggest and most lasting transformation had absolutely nothing to do with weight. “Of the 52kg I lost, I’ve put 26kg back on, so certainly the weight loss was no success story,” he says, adding that anybody would be able to lose weight in such a manipulated environment.
Rather, it was the confinement, the social isolation, and being kept away from his family for such a long time which made him question his financially driven mindset. “That’s where my whole life philosophy started to change and I swore I’d never be governed by money ever again,” he says of his time in the big white house. “It reminded me of what’s truly important in life, and that’s priceless.” What came next would be the impetus for his new career as host of local travel series South Aussie with Cosi, as he finally took time out from his gruelling work schedule to travel around Australia with his family. “I realised in that time that I became a better father, husband and friend,” Cosi says. Which is why he now freely admits his aim for the show is to “guilt people into taking a holiday”. For as much as South Aussie With Cosi is about showcasing this great state of ours, it’s also about encouraging people to take time out, slow down and spend more time with their loved ones. “It’s purely designed to encourage people to take on some of my philosophies”, he says. “I want people to take more weekends away, I just want them to take more holidays in general. Do it now, don’t take your long service leave as a payout.” But despite his passion for travel, the place Cosi most wants to be right now is at home. Even more so since the completion of year-long renovations on his home in one of Adelaide’s leafy inner suburbs. “It was pretty full on,” Cosi says of the renovation, which he and wife Sam spent much time and energy planning and preparing for. “We lost our kitchen and we lived in a very tight area. You’re just in each other’s space all the time. We couldn’t afford to move out, so we just grinned and bared it.” True to form, Cosi made the renovations a truly South Australian affair, engaging local contractors throughout the process. He even managed to bring a little piece of Adelaide Oval into the home, with a custom built dining table made of timber reclaimed from the Sir Donald Bradman room, salvaged during the oval’s renovation. Despite the well worn clichés about renovations and divorce rates, Cosi says he and Sam mostly took the
spring 2015
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cover story | andrew ‘cosi’ costello challenge in their stride, relishing the opportunity to create the home of their dreams, complete with personal touches, such as the giant in-built fish aquarium Cosi has longed for since childhood. “We really, really enjoyed the renovation,” he said. “I thought it would be a lot harder, a lot more stressful. We were really surprised.” “But you’d only want to do it once,” he adds in his trademark, off the cuff humour. It’s also clear that Cosi’s affable personality extends to his parenting style. “We’re pretty laid back parents,” he says of he and Sam’s relationship with their three children, Harry, 16, Matilda, 7, and Charli-Rose, 6. “We’re a little bit old fashioned, in that Sam’s a stay at home mum. All she’s ever wanted was to be a mum, it works out well, because I friggen’ hate housework!” All jokes aside, Cosi freely acknowledges how fortunate he is to be able to support his family on his income alone, something which is simply not the case for the majority of families today. “I feel for those families where the mum is pushed to go back to work when their kids are really, really young. It must be heartbreaking,” he says. “I do worry that as a society we’ve got ourselves into a position where women go back to work very, very soon.” Admitting his comments may comes across as “incredibly sexist”, Cosi says he’s not talking about women’s right to return to work, but rather the need our modern society has created for double income families. “I worry that we’ve got ourselves into so much debt that we’re putting kids into care young when we don’t want to,” he says. “You speak to people who are juggling jobs, and childcare and school pick up. Family life seems so stressful.” Not that his own marriage to Sam is without stress, “Like any relationship we have our ups and downs as well,” he said. “With any marriage, you’re going to have some bloody shit times in your relationship, but you just have to keep working to keep it together. “A big thing, for me, is apologising. I like the gap between the point when you fight and the point when you apologise to be as short as humanly possible. “We also give each other loads of space. If she wants to go away for a weekend with her girlfriends, I never have a problem with it. We both like to do whatever we can for each other.” Further afield, Cosi has also developed a passion for his adopted home of Cambodia. A chance holiday to the country with a friend a few years ago saw him instantly fall in love with the local people.
Experiencing firsthand the poverty within the country, Cosi quickly realised his opportunity to make a real difference to the lives of Cambodian families. The first inklings of his charitable organisation, Cows for Cambodia, became a reality in 2013. Drawing on his agricultural knowledge to help establish the bovine breeding project, Cosi has now seen more than 50 Cambodian families provided with a cow. He’s even made certain of a South Australian link to the program, naming the first cow Adelaide, with the tag number ‘SA01’. Though still in it’s early stages, Cows for Cambodia is already well on its way to reaching Cosi’s first goal of providing 100 cows for 100 families. In fact, he has recently increased his goal to more than 1000 cows. “If we had 1100 cows in the program, they would produce offspring worth $1 million dollars of cattle every year,” he said. “It would mean 1100 families would be no longer poor.” But in the sweetest of ironies, it is the juxtaposition between the Cambodian peoples’ respective levels of both poverty and happiness which most astounds the man who once drove himself into the ground in his quest to become a millionaire. “These people have nothing – absolutely nothing, but they’re way happier than we are,” says Cosi. “You’ll rarely hear a child cry – all the kids and families support each other. They value the time they have together, the whole village works together to raise the kids, its just amazing.” It is this concept that keeps Cosi heading back to Cambodia, and which has made him truly realise that material possessions are not the be all and end all – particularly when it comes to family. “All kids really want is your undivided attention,” he says. “They just want you to put your work down, put your phone down and spend time with them.”
“All kids really want is your undivided attention. They just want you to put your work down, put your phone down and spend time with them.”
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spring 2015
house&home special feature cover | house story |&xxxxxx home
special feature
tween
Home. It’s where the heart is, there’s no place like it, and it’s totally sweet - if you believe in clichés. But clichés are generally based on truth, and for most families, their home is as much a part of their story as the people living within it. Read on for inspiring tween decorating ideas, home organisation inspo and more...
INTERIORS p28 HOW TO PREPARE THE FAMILY HOME
for sale p32
SARAH SHANAHAN:
organised homes p34 time to move? p35
GET YOUR FINANCES SORTED FIRST
adults only STYLING A PARENT’S RETREAT p36
spring 2015
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special feature | house & home
SOMEWHERE
over the rainbow BY CLAIRE COSH
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special feature | house & home
styling and photography CLAIRE COSH
Tastes can change quickly at this age, so stick with easily changeable decor like removable wall decals, linens and artwork.
Storage that looks great and is easy to use will help keep the room tidy.
Practical study space is a must.
If “what’s your favorite colour?” is too difficult a question to contemplate, there’s only one cure… rainbow! Thankfully, when it comes to room decor for kids, rainbow is in again ( remember the 80s anyone?). There’s no longer any need to play favourites or make a heart-wrenching decision between shades. Every colour gets equal time to shine in a rainbow-themed bedroom and parents will love how easy it is to create. After all, when you’re using rainbow as your base colour, everything you choose matches!
get the look
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1. FELT BALL GARLAND wwww.toucanonline.com $18, 2. RAINBOWS MAKE ME HAPPY PRINT www.toucanonline.com $15, 3. SACK ME KRISPY KREME CUSHION $49, 4. SONNY ANGEL KEWPIE DOLLS $12.95, 5. CONFETTI WALL STICKERS www.incyinteriors.com.au $30 spring 2015
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special feature | house & home
boy versus
wild! BY CLAIRE COSH
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special feature | house & home Bold, vertical stripes offer high contrast impact Favourite everyday items, such as this skateboard, work overtime when doubled up as display pieces.
Even outdoor adventurers need a place to chill sometimes, so a comfy, stylish chair is a must.
Boys’ rooms have a dubious reputation for being stinky, dingy mini man-caves. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It is possible to create a light filled, outdoors inspired room both you and your boy will love. A few adventurous accessories add just the right amount of ‘wild’ to please any budding Bear Grylls.
get the look
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1. KIP AND CO BEANBAGS denim velvet/beetles canvas from $129, 2. EMMA KATE CO ART PRINT $50, 3. TYPO PORCELAIN CACTUS LAMP $34.99, 4. BLACK BEAR TIMBER CLOCK www.ladedahkids.com.au $65, 5. PONYRIDER FEATHERBONE PILLOW CASE $59 spring 2015
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special feature | house & home
‹
›
Home Sweet Saleable Home BY SHARON BRIGHURST
Family homes are precious. They’re full of memories and memorabilia, and become an integral part of our personal story. Which is why selling the family home can be so emotionally difficult. But when it comes to home sales, sellers need to side-step this emotion – to think less with their heart, and more with their head. Taking a strategic approach to preparing your home for sale can make a huge difference to your selling experience. Property restyling expert Sharon Brighurst shares 10 essential elements to increase your chances of a successful sale.
Curb Appeal
The first impression of the home is the most important, so be sure it looks impressive from the minute the home is first viewed. Are the gardens tidy, pruned and watered? Are the fences painted? Driveways and porches swept?
Neutralising
Painting
A fresh neutral coat of paint is an inexpensive way to transform the whole appearance of a home. Make sure your paintwork is well applied and finished.
Furniture Layout
Select an overall neutral colour scheme to flow throughout the house. Keep rooms light and spacious and bring in two or three accent colours, enough to add interest and variation, without creating a kaleidoscope effect. Children’s rooms can be the exception however, by using vibrant, exciting colours that kids will be attracted to and can imagine themselves living in.
The amount of furniture, the purpose and position needs to be well planned and user friendly. Remove any excess items that clutter up the space. Don’t use oversized furniture or anything too dark and heavy, and add balance by distributing large pieces of furniture around the room. Arrange furniture so it is easy to walk around and create living ‘zones’ in large open plan areas. Mirrors also work well to give the impression of a larger space
Depersonalising
Furniture Rental
Maintenance and Repairs
Attention to Detail
Remove personal photos and items as the new owner needs to imagine their family living there, to create their emotional bond to the home. Everything should be repaired and in working order. Check all lights are working and install higher wattage globes to brighten up rooms, especially those without a lot of natural light. Turn all lights and lamps on at open inspections to create impact. There should be nothing the prospective buyer can find wrong to offer a reduced price.
Cleanliness
Make sure your home is sparkling clean. The exterior of the home, windows, window treatments, light fittings, internal walls, cupboards - inside and out, floors, bathrooms, grout, furniture, bedding, and accessories. Leave no stone unturned in your cleaning. Also make sure to open all doors and windows prior to an open inspection to air out any mustiness or odours – a fresh and clean smelling home is always appealing.
De-cluttering
Remove additional items that cause clutter and make the space appear small. Less is best. Glass furniture will give the appearance of an open and free space by reflecting the light. Add a few well chosen accessories that appeal to the eye.
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Mix existing furniture with additional rented pieces and accessories to upscale the look. Or you could opt for a full staging of furniture and accessories over a set time period. Small touches add up to big results, so take time to make every detail perfect. Research your target buyers and make sure you style in a theme which will appeal to that market. Use warm light globes, uplifting colour schemes and maximise structural or natural features such as views. Remove pet beds, washing baskets full of clothes, laundry airers, overflowing boxes of children’s toys, piles of magazines and anything else which could be deemed clutter. Add a vase of fresh flowers for that finishing touch. Finally, do a walk through and look at your home through the eyes of a prospective buyer. Criticize and pick out any faults you see, then fix them! Provide a welcoming, comforting feeling to make your prospective buyer want to stay and make your home their own!
Sharon Brighurst is a home stylist and owner of Defined Interiors, an interior design consultancy specialising in ‘for sale’ preparations. Sharon is experienced in colour selection, decorating and design, soft furnishings and property restyling.
WWW.DEFINEDINTERIORS.COM.AU
House & Home Directory
Need a bigger place? We hear you. Visit us at our Cellar Door for cheese and produce tastings and browse through our newly opened gallery featuring local artists and exclusive giftware.
A free home loan health check can help you explore your options. Call me today to book.
Scott Erickson 0447 388 227
special feature | house & home
Craig Bray Painting Contractor
choicehomeloans.com.au/northgate
Open 7 days 10am-4pm 22 Henry Street, Woodside Scott is a credit representative PhErickson 08 8389 7877 (Credit Representative No.448713 of BLSSA Pty Ltd
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spring 2015
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special feature | house & home
home organisation 101 Life with teens and tweens can be busy, hectic and sometimes far from organised! But the good news is, with a few easy tips and tricks from our home organization guru Sarah Shanahan, calm can be restored and clutter and chaos relegated to nothing more than a distant memory. Check out her rules for streamlining and simplifying your home.
Visualise how you want your home to look and feel
Take a walk through each room of your home. Look around and identify which objects are blocking your goal of achieving the clutter free, calm home you want. Look again and form a picture in your mind of how it would look without those items. When you can visualise it you will work harder trying to achieve it.
Love it, need it, want it?
Decluttering can sometimes seem overwhelming, so take a deep breath and start small. Begin with a drawer, a messy corner or a cupboard. Take everything out and for each item ask yourself this: ‘Do I love it, need it or want it?’ If not donate, sell or dispose of it properly. If it doesn’t bring you joy AND you don’t need it, it goes!
A place for everything, and everything in its place
This is the most important rule I live by. Every single item in your home, whether big or small, needs a home. Anything that doesn’t have a home is just clutter. Clutter is, essentially, a collection of things lying about in an untidy state. Value your possessions. Respect them by having a designated place for them. If you don’t value it enough to have a home for it, it’s just clutter and it needs to go.
Zone your home
Define the different areas within your home and have the appropriate storage in each area. Everything, from the pantry in the kitchen to the toy storage in your living area, needs to be zoned. When the lines are blurred with zoning your home, clutter creeps in. Suddenly kitchen bench tops are holding newsletters, bills and medicines, while the dining table is swamped with piles of laundry waiting to be folded. Get into the habit of only having mail and paperwork in the study, and only sorting washing in the laundry. Stick to this rule strictly and you will quickly notice how peaceful and calm the house becomes.
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BY SARAH SHANAHAN
Baskets!
I’m a sucker for a gorgeous basket, they make a home so warm and inviting and are obviously perfect for storage. I have baskets for everything in my home, to zone my pantry, store shoes, toys, toilet paper, miscellaneous objects that creep onto the kitchen bench, magazines and DVDs, the list goes on! Things are so much better in a basket than just lying around. They provide instant style!
regular stock take
Use each school holiday break as a chance to regroup and take stock of how the house is running. Go through every cupboard, take everything out, wipe it down and put what is appropriate back in. Kids grow out of clothes and toys so quickly and it feels good to give items away to the needy. If you have younger children who will eventually use them, box them up, label and store them, rather than wasting precious space now.
Get the kids on board
If the children know how the house runs, life will be a lot smoother. Give them responsibility for cleaning up their stuff at the end of each day and it will eventually become a lifelong habit. Zone the linen press and label each section so they can be responsible for their own bedroom and bathroom essentials.
Keep it simple
A simple, organised home is a happy home. People often ask me how my home always looks so calm and tidy with four kids. It’s simple, I only have in my home what I need, use and love. Life is too short to fill your home with things you don’t need. I want to enjoy my home with my family in a calm, clutter-free environment, anything else would drive me crazy!
special feature | house & home
Time to move house? BY SCOTT ERICKSON
So the family’s growing fast and your current home simply doesn’t have enough room anymore? Maybe it’s time to dip your toe in the housing market again? We asked home loan broker Scott Erickson for his top three pieces of advice for people considering upgrading their family home.
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Get the right resources behind you
Buying a new home is an exciting prospect and, if you’ve done it before, it’s likely to be an enjoyable experience this time around. From discovering the perfect property, to moving your belongings in and making your new house a ‘home’, property buying is a fantastic journey. But any property purchase is a significant one and having a team of professionals around you is an important step to help make your next purchase successful. From a good solicitor or conveyancer, to a trusted accountant, a sound pest and building inspector, to a qualified broker - surrounding yourself with a solid team of professionals will maximise your chances of success in the property market. One of the first calls you should make is to your mortgage broker. An experienced broker can help you assess your finances, identify how much equity you may have acquired in your existing property and determine which home loan structure will better match your future plans and goals. Since you purchased your last property, your personal financial situation may well have changed significantly – as may the home loan market – so it’s essential to go into your next purchase well-informed and well-prepared.
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Be realistic with your expectations
Look for a home that will suit your lifestyle, but be prepared to compromise. Even if you have a huge budget, you’re unlikely to get absolutely everything you want from the one property. Remember to be willing to make compromises and be realistic about how much you can afford to spend. However, with the right resources behind you, an idea of what you can afford and a clear indication of what you want in a loan, you’ll be in a strong position to negotiate hard when the right property does present itself. Scott Erickson, Franchisee and Mortgage Broker of Choice Home Loans, has been working in the Banking and Finance industry for just on 30 years. He has extensive experience in lending across the personal finance space. He has a Diploma in Finance and is a full member of the Mortgage Finance Association of Australia.
WWW.CHOICEHOMELOANS.COM.AU
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find the right loan for you
The home loan market is constantly changing, so take some time to make sure you find the loan that’s just right for you. Finding the right loan has never been more complex. Today there are hundreds of loans on the market. To make matters worse interest rates and lender policies can change without warning, leaving borrowers confused about exactly what the right loan is for their needs. When it comes to finance there is plenty to consider. Are you looking to pay off your loan as quickly as possible or do you plan to build a property portfolio? Do you need access to cash for a renovation or to help out with school fees? Do you want a fixed or variable interest rate? Even if you’re not ready to make your next property purchase immediately, this could be a perfect time to reassess your finances and conduct a mortgage ‘health check’. This means looking at your financial position and making any necessary changes. Like the home loan market, your life doesn’t stand still, and your financial needs and wants don’t either. To increase your chances of making a smart purchase you’ll need to take time to research the market you’re planning to buy in. You’ll also need to make sure that you’ve researched your financing options.
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special feature | house & home
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Renovating Education Over the past decade there has been massive changes in educational thinking worldwide. It is time for us to look at how we revolutionise education with the new technologies available to us each day and the increasing information around using data to improve teaching and learning outcomes.
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t Pedare Christian College we have reached thirty years of providing education in the North Eastern suburbs of Adelaide. We have travelled the journey of implementing the professional standards for teachers, the National Curriculum, Next Chapter of the International Baccalaureate and have embarked on a renovation of some of our key facilities to assist students with learning in the 21st century. 2015 has seen the redevelopment of the Middle School Science Laboratories and creation of a Senior Centre and café. The project is nearing completion and the renovation has already revolutionised the way in which science is being taught at the College with state of the art laboratories creating a home for not only science but our STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths) based learning. The
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student engagement has increased with the access to facilities which allow science to come alive in the classroom. This is only the start of some major plans for the College as we continue to evolve to meet the needs of our students today and in the future. Coupled with the laboratories is the new Senior Centre which has been named the Wattle Centre and Café. This space has given the senior students a versatile open space which they can use for study or simply catching up with friends. As part of the development was the establishment of a barista café service with the hospitality students having the opportunity to develop their skills to further enhance employment prospects in one of the local café or restaurants. The renovation has certainly added a new dimension to the College and the staff and students are making the most of the learning spaces to drive excellence in education.
education wellbeing | naturopath
The Death of Handwriting BY ANNIE HARVEY
Why has the simple act of writing become such a chore for students these days? “Ugh, not writing, I hate writing, it sucks!”, or words to that effect. According to recent research one in three students struggle with handwriting. If this is true it has serious implications for their educational achievement.
T
he truth is all generations are now affected by our increasing reliance on computers, tablets and smartphones. We don’t need to write, so we don’t. It’s that simple. Even the humble credit card has abandoned writing, with signatures now banned and pin codes or ‘paywave’ the new security preferences. But, like any learned skill, if writing isn’t practised, the speed slows and the quality drops. The impact of this is bad enough on the over 35s, who spent their pre-technology school days working with paper and pen, but for the younger generation, it’s as if this once-essential skill had never existed. This is hardly surprising as most of today’s students have grown up in a world of tapping and swiping. Cursive writing is such a bore when you can stroke a screen and get the same results. There is also a generation of young teachers entering the profession who have a natural preference for technology. The circle is closing. iPads and laptops have replaced textbooks, homework is online and handwritten work is viewed as inefficient and time consuming. Is writing a dying art? Is it doomed to tread the same path as Latin and become a quaint antiquity practised by few? I hope not, because writing is more than just communication. Writing is a slower, more thoughtful process than typing. It involves planning, attention to detail and commitment to task. It is a complex skill that affects cognitive development and exercises visual, motor and memory circuits. Studies have shown handwriting engages parts of the brain which typing doesn’t. When we write we develop our hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.
The ability to write and the quality of text are inextricably linked; there is growing evidence that those who write faster and more legibly get better grades. This leaves you, as parents, with a tough task. Most of your kids are fighting against writing. Oh, there are still a few for whom writing is a natural part of the learning process, but for most it is an ‘old’ skill that doesn’t seem to fit in to their high-tech world. And yet, in the real, working world, writing is still very much in evidence. Meeting notes, supply lists, a quick reminder to a colleague, even the famed ‘napkin’ planning session, all come alive through writing. Even now there is no substitute for pen or pencil on paper, it’s a quick and effective low-tech way of communicating. Which makes it all the more important for you to encourage your kids to write at every opportunity. In our tutoring centre we use different approaches to encourage writing. For instance, we allow students to illustrate their writing, so drawing becomes the reward for writing. We also choose engaging topics, like Minecraft, sports, film and music; kids who never write are suddenly producing pages of text! The next time your kids want something, for instance a ticket to a movie they want to see, ask them to put the request in writing. Encourage them to explain in words why they need or deserve to have their prize. If it isn’t convincing enough, work with them to edit their writing so it achieves its objective. A bit of coaxing and extra work now will pay dividends later on, when your kids are able to achieve at university or the workplace, because writing is a practised skill that enables them to communicate more effectively.
Is writing a dying art? Is it doomed to tread the same path as Latin and become a quaint antiquity practised by few? spring 2015
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special feature | gift guide
xmas gifts for girls BY SARAH SHANAHAN
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special feature | gift guide 10
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special feature | gift guide
xmas gifts for boys BY SARAH SHANAHAN
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in the kitchen | Stephanie Alexander
in the kitchen with the
Stephanie
photograph JAMES GRANT
Alexander
Kitchen Garden Foundation Spring is a great chance to make snapping fresh green vegetables, like asparagus and broad beans, the hero of a meal. As the weather warms up it’s also a great time to get out in the veggie garden to do some planting.
spring risotto of broad beans, asparagus & pancetta Serves 4 Ingredients 1kg broad beans in pods, deshelled 500g asparagus, washed 1tsp salt 1 clove garlic, finely chopped What to do
1 small red onion, finely chopped 2 tbsp olive oil 40g butter + 60 g butter, extra 500g arborio rice 120ml verjuice or vegetable stock
Bring a saucepan of water to the boil. Add the salt, beans and asparagus and blanch for 2–3 minutes. Drain. Remove the second skin from the broad beans by piercing the skin and lightly squeezing out the inner bean. Heat a large frying pan and add the olive oil and 40 g of butter. Warm until the butter has melted, then add the onion and garlic and cook for 1–2 minutes. Add the rice and stir to coat with the oil mixture. Cook the rice by stirring over heat for 1–2 minutes until the grains are slightly toasted.
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1.25L chicken stock 150g sliced pancetta diced 80g grated parmesan small bunch parsley, finely chopped freshly ground pepper
Add the verjuice or stock and stir through until absorbed. Continue by adding the chicken stock a ladleful at a time, ensuring the rice has absorbed the liquid before adding another ladleful. Remember to continue stirring the rice gently. After 10 minutes, stir in the pancetta, then after a further 3 minutes stir through the broad beans and asparagus. The rice should be al dente after 18–20 minutes of cooking. Remove the risotto from the heat and add the extra butter, parmesan and parsley, stirring through gently. Serve with a few grinds of fresh black pepper.
in the kitchen | Stephanie Alexander
Join the Kitchen Garden Classroom!
asparagus pesto Serves 4
styling SARAH SHANAHAN | photography NICOLE ASPINALL
The word ‘pesto’ comes from the Italian word meaning ‘to pound’. If you are in the mood for pounding use a mortar and pestle rather than a food processor. Ingredients 2 bunches of asparagus, blanched and chopped 120g parmesan cheese, grated 2 handfuls of spinach leaves ½ cup pine nuts (or substitute)
1 cup mixed soft herb leaves (e.g. mint, parsley, dill) 4 garlic cloves, peeled zest of 1 lemon ¾ cup olive oil salt and pepper, to taste
What to do
Place the asparagus, parmesan, spinach and herbs in the bowl of the food processor, blend until finely chopped. Dry-fry the pine nuts (or substitute) in a frying pan over a medium heat until golden. Add the garlic to the food processor along with the toasted pine nuts and lemon zest. Process the mix until you have a rough paste. With the motor running, slowly add the olive oil. Taste for salt and pepper and season if necessary. Serve with crunchy bread or fresh veggie sticks. Recipes from the Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Garden Foundation. Find out how your child’s school can join the Kitchen Garden Classroom at kitchengardenfoundation.org.au
‘Education should be for life. The kitchen garden classroom offers food experiences that will influence and inform the rest of their lives.’ Stephanie Alexander
Discover how your child’s school can join, visit: www.kitchengardenfoundation.org.au spring 2015
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when depression and
fatherhood collide The concept of fatherhood has undergone a radical transformation in recent decades. Men are now expected to take a much more involved and empathetic role in the raising of their children. Particularly when compared to the societal expectations of their own fathers, just one generation ago.
B
ut while this new paradigm of fatherhood has generally been a positive move for children, parents, families and society at large, it has also seen an increase in the number of fathers struggling with mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. For these men, who may already be battling against the entrenched ‘she’ll be right, mate!’ attitude toward mental health conditions in men, there is a further complication of how to reconcile their mental health concerns with their role as a father. What does it mean to be a depressed father? Little is known about the impact of depression on fatherhood, there is a dearth of research conducted into this area. In a positive move, some investigation has begun in recent years into the impact of post-natal depression in new fathers, but we still know so little about how mental illness affects fathers at other stages of their parenting journey. According to COPE Executive Director Nicole Highet, current statistics are that one in four women and one in six men will develop depression at some point in their lifetime.
one man’s story: Adelaide father of two, James*, knows all too well the impact of mental health on the experience of fatherhood. Two decades on from his diagnosis of depression and anxiety, James still takes an “intense medication regime”, of mood stabiliser, anti-depressant and anti-psychotic drugs. He describes his experience of mental illness as one of a high level of self criticism and feeling less than adequate. While it was always difficult when he was a young single man, his problems intensified when he became a partner and father. “In hindsight, it was 90pc happening in my head, it’s one of those awful things that feeds itself,” he says. “When that only affects you, it’s certainly less to carry than when it affects your child or your partner.”
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BY SARAH HAUSLER
wellbeing | dads
For men specifically, it is often the 38 to 45 year old age group, a time when men are most likely to be fathers of teens or tweens, who are most affected. “There are likely to be several risks and stressors at this time,” Ms Highet says. “Often there are additional financial pressures, such as school fees, and as children grow up and become more independent, this can bring about changes and adjustments in relationships with their partner or children.” In fact, Ms Highet suggests it is often quite common for an incidence of depression to start much earlier in men, but not be diagnosed until some years later, due to the potential for men to attribute their depressive symptoms to other things. “They put the signs and symptoms of depression in themselves down to the general tiredness and adjustment that goes with having a baby – hence symptoms linger over time and often help is not sought until a crisis is reached,” she said. “Also, many dads don’t identify depression in themselves as they are predominantly focused upon the mother – and hence do not feel that their depression is warranted or justified.” While some depression resolves of its own accord, most does not, and Ms Highet warns that unidentified and untreated depression is more likely to worsen. “Depression is extremely debilitating,” she said. “A father with depression will have little or no interest or energy for their own life – let alone those around him. Having children takes time and investment - not just financial but also in terms of interest and energy.
For James, who is now separated from his children’s mother, his greatest fears are around how his illness would impact his relationship with his sons, aged 11 and 14. “There’s a real stigma there,” he says. “Up until very recent times I’ve just framed it using language like, ‘I’m not well, I’m sick’. But a couple of weeks ago, there was an opportunity to speak to my eldest son about it and I used the diagnosis while talking about it at dinner. “For any parent, you don’t want your kids to see you as broken or weak, even though you may feel that.” While he says he does his best to “shield the kids” from the effects of his illness, he can identify times when his illness impacted on them. Though he is now better at accepting the struggles his illness brings to his parenting.
wellbeing | dads “When you have depression, this is depleted, so the role of fathering is extremely difficult, as the father’s own resources are often ‘empty’.” Despite gains made in recent years with regard to men speaking out and seeking help for mental health concerns, Ms Highet says we still have a long way to go, thanks in large part to our ‘blokey’ Australian male ethos. “Our culture still leads many men to feel that they need to be strong and, particularly in the context of fatherhood, a provider and a protector,” she said. “As the adjustments to parenthood are varied, ongoing, and often so different and unique to any other stages of life, this can leave many dads feeling vulnerable and disorientated. “These days, men are also often expected to be a father in a way that is likely to be quite different from the role model of their own fathers – so there is no strong reference point.” Clinical Psychologist Dr Simon Kinsella agrees the combination of parental depression occurring at the crucial ‘coming of age’ period for tween and teen children can make this an extremely challenging time for families. He suggests the impact of this rests on several factors, including the severity of depressive symptoms, the communication between parents and children, and other social supports around the family. “Tween and teen years are a challenging time for families as they adjust to children becoming more mature and independent,” Dr Kinsella said. “If that occurs at the same time that fathers are becoming depressed it can increase the rift between father and child. This is especially the case when the father’s symptoms include being irritable, withdrawing from conversation, and being more unapproachable.” With communication paramount in how well teenagers respond to parental depression, Dr Kinsella recommends parents be very open about their mental health issues. “When children understand the reasons for a change in their parents’ behaviour or mood it is far easier for them to cope,” he said. “It is also less likely that they will confuse depression with some other problem in the relationships between themselves and their fathers.”
Recognising that a man in your life might be struggling with depression is just the start, but it can be difficult to know what to do next. We asked Dr Simon Kinsella for his top tips on supporting a dad with depression.
Communicate: if you think a dad is struggling, raise the topic with him. But better still communicate more frequently when men become dads. Check in regularly with simple questions. How are you going? Are you getting enough sleep? Is there anything we can do to support you? If you are a father yourself it can be helpful to share your own parenting stories.
Normalise: if a dad is admitting to depression it helps them to know that it is relatively common.
Strategise: help them find resources to support
them through this time. Also, stay connected with them. Mothers and fathers do better when they have good social support
Follow-up: check in with them regularly Review: if a dad tells you their support or treatment is not working, talk to them about how they might address it. For example, if they are seeing a counsellor and not making progress, talk to them about telling the counsellor they are feeling stuck, and asking the counsellor what they should expect from treatment.
“I still have days, less frequently now, thank God, when I’m barely able to get them up, to make lunch and get them to school, for no apparent reason why,” he says. “Some days I just tell myself I’m doing my best, and then there’s other days, when I’m feeling more fragile and I might be nearly in tears because I realise we’re half an hour late.” Having battled depression and anxiety for more than 20 years now, including a long period where he admits to “self medicating” with drugs and alcohol, James now feels more capable in his self management. “I’ve learnt not to beat myself up over it,” he said. “I’ve learnt to ride the storm and cut myself some slack, because it does pass. In the past when I was fighting it, I was just making it worse.” * names have been changed spring 2015
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Wellbeing Directory EMPOWERING MUMS TO LOOK AFTER THEMSELVES AND TAKE CHARGE OF THEIR OWN WELLBEING!
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wellbeing | family counsellor
You ARE doing a great job! BY EMMA HOLDSWORTH, FAMILY COUNSELLOR
Imagine a world full of parents who praised each other and supported each other. Parenting guilt, and in particular mother guilt, could be a thing of the past!
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s the majority of primary caregivers, mums tend to take on the lion’s share of parenting tasks such as making decisions, discipline and organising the family. Not to mention carrying all that ‘information’ around in their heads, such as who does what, eats what, struggles with what, names of friends, teachers and more. Not only can all of this cause mums to experience high amounts of stress, but it can also lead to increased feelings of guilt and harsh self-judgement. Mums of older kids can experience these feelings in different ways. Here’s a few of the reasons why: •
As kids get older and spend more time at school and generally outside of the house, mums who have stayed at home or worked part time put pressure on themselves to work more or work harder, under the false pretext that their kids don’t need them as much.
•
Mums of younger kids often have communities such as mothers groups and playgroups that can be an outlet for stress and isolation. These groups of like-minded parents are a godsend for supporting us through our mother guilt and telling us we are doing a great job.
•
The unexplainable behaviour of teens and tweens often leaves parents exasperated and wondering “where did I go wrong?” or “how did we get here?”. This can create new levels of guilt around ‘should haves’ and ‘what ifs’.
So what can you do to help yourself release some of those feelings of guilt and harsh self-judgement? •
Surround yourself with other parents and supportive people who understand what you are going through,
just like you did when your kids were little. People you can really open up to, laugh with, cry with and tell each other ‘You are still doing a great job Mama’. If you have some great friends who are parents of similar aged children, make time to spend with them. If you don’t know other parents, try starting a Facebook group for parents of teens or tweens in your area, arrange a mums event or group to meet-up with other parents. •
Understand where your kids are at. Peers become more important than family for kids once they hit their teens, or even earlier in some communities. The influence of peers on your adolescent’s behaviour can be very significant. Stop blaming yourself, or past situations, for your child’s behaviour. Hold children accountable by using effective consequences. If you have regrets about the way you raised your kids, talk about that with them openly, and make sure you get support for yourself so you can let go.
•
Make self-care a priority. Do things that help you to slow down and let go of perfectionism. Make your mantra ‘you are doing a great job Mama’ and let yourself believe it. Go to that yoga or art class you have been meaning to get to. Take that sunset walk on the beach, relax with a coffee or read that book which has been calling to you. Put your needs at the top of the list, at least some of the time.
•
Try not to judge other parents whose story you do not know. When we judge others, it is usually because they are doing it differently to us or because we don’t understand them. Harsh judgement of others leads to harsh judgement of ourselves.
There is no shame in these feelings of guilt and believe me, you are not alone! If feelings of guilt or judgement are overwhelming you, please get support to talk through them. You might like to become a part of the “Tree House Mamas Support Circle” starting in term four. For more information visit www.treehousecounselling.com.au
spring 2015
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wellbeing | naturopath
Taming Teenage Hormones BY JESS DONOVAN, NATUROPATH
Any parent of a teenager will know how powerful hormones can be! Some days it feels like you’re on a veritable roller coaster - one minute they’re up, the next they’re down - and you never know what twists and turns they’ll throw your way next.
I
t’s common knowledge that hormones have a drastic impact on teenagers’ moods, transforming our formerly friendly and polite tweens into veritable volcanoes, erupting with emotion and anger. But hormones can also affect teens physically, causing skin breakouts, bloating, headaches and weight gain. Of course, hormonal changes in the teenage years are completely normal, but did you know that food, lifestyle and environment can heighten hormonal changes, making them more unpleasant than they need to be. The good news is we can use this fact to our advantage, and make a range of lifestyle tweaks to better balance those unbridled hormones. Here are my top five tips to establish harmonious hormones for your teens.
seeds, fish and meat. Use natural sugar substitutes such as dates, coconut sugar and rice malt syrup. Make your own muffins, biscuits and raw treats so you can control the amount of sweetness that goes into them.
Skip the sugar
Maintain a healthy weight
Through a complex cascade of events, sugar influences the level of many hormones and is a key culprit in teenage acne. Sugar is not only found in obviously sweet foods but also in many savoury foods. The best way to escape the hidden sugars found in our foods is to eat more fresh, natural foods such as vegetables, salads, fruit, eggs, nuts,
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Look after their liver
The liver has an important role to play in hormone metabolism, so it follows that keeping the liver happy improves hormone levels. Sugar, processed foods and caffeine all put extra stress on the liver, leaving it with less resources to deal with hormone balance. Cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli and brussel sprouts contain a constituent which helps to improve the metabolism of oestrogen in the liver. Fresh lemon, garlic and onion can also aid liver function. As teens hit puberty their body shape often changes due to the surge in hormones they experience, but carrying excess weight can heighten this hormonal flood. Be careful how you address weight with your teens, as we don’t want the focus to be on how they look or how much they weigh. Simply encourage an active lifestyle and fresh food diet.
wellbeing | naturopath
While it may not be possible to ever balance teenage hormones perfectly, there is much that can be done to reduce their impact
•
Move that body
Not only is exercise a fantastic outlet for stress and negative emotions, it also has a favourable effect on hormone balance. If your child is not into team sports, encourage them to hop on their bike, go for a walk, jump on the trampoline or dance around to their favourite music. Get the whole family involved and schedule it in as you would sport practice.
•
Reduce Plastic
There are a number of chemicals in our environment that act as hormones when absorbed into our bodies, known as xeno- oestrogens. Plastics contain these chemicals so we must be careful how we use them. Avoiding exposure to plastics is easier said than done but there are a few golden rules to follow: • Can it! Tinned foods are generally lined with plastics, so decreasing your intake of canned foods will reduce your exposure to these chemicals. • Heat and plastic don’t mix! Never heat food in plastic containers or store hot food in plastic. Heat releases the chemicals from the plastic straight into your food. Put your food into ceramic, glass or stainless steel to heat it.
Unwrap it! The softer the plastic the more phytalates it contains, which are potent hormone disruptors. What is the softest plastic you know of? You guessed it, cling wrap! Use a stainless steel lunch container, or aluminium foil to wrap your lunch instead. Bottled water is designed for one use. Yes it’s bad news for our environment, but when you use your plastic water bottle again and again it disintegrates and leaches the plastic chemicals into the water you drink. There is a solution. Invest in a good quality stainless steel water bottle and carry it wherever you go.
Teen hormones will never be perfectly balanced but the current and rapid rise in teens experiencing hormonal conditions is a strong indicator that our modern day diet and lifestyle has a lot to answer for when it comes to hormone health. While it may not be possible to ever balance teenage hormones perfectly, there is much that can be done to reduce their impact. Following these five strategies will not only save you from angry outbursts in your child’s teenage years, but will also give them a healthy foundation for balanced hormones long into their future.
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wellbeing
it’s never too late Pelvic floor health and incontinence. Yes, it’s a decidedly unsexy topic.
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ut it’s one that all women should be considering, even if it’s been a decade or more since you had your children, or even for those women who have never had children. Recent research tells us that 75 percent of pregnant women and new mums experience urinary leakage, but also that half of all people will experience incontinence in their lifetime. What’s worse is that 81 percent of people don’t seek help or treatment. For many women, the symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction can continue on for decades, when they simply don’t have to. In the overwhelming majority, pelvic floor problems can be overcome with a short course of conservative treatment from a women’s health physiotherapist. But what is pelvic floor dysfunction? Common symptoms include:
“Immediate post-natal factors such as baby weight, type of birth, length of end stage labour, amount of tearing, and the number of children can effect things straight away and down the track. “But it may also be impacted by other lifestyle factors, such as type of exercise, occupation, body weight, bowel habits, and hormone changes.” The good news is that pelvic floor dysfunction and incontinence is highly treatable, and Jackie recommends seeing a qualified Women's Health Physiotherapist who can correctly assess your pelvic floor, give appropriate exercises and provide advice on daily habits and lifestyle factors to improve and eliminate symptoms of pelvic floor conditions.
In the overwhelming majority, pelvic floor problems can be overcome with a short course of conservative treatment from a women’s health physiotherapist
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a
There is a common misconception that these symptoms, especially the so-called ‘light bladder leakage’, are normal, but Women’s Health Physiotherapist Jackie Saunders of Pivotal Physiotherapy and Pilates says this is not the case. “Remember it is not normal to experience any amount of leakage, and it is not a normal part of being a mum to experience leaking or pelvic discomfort,” says Jackie. “It is really important to seek help and not just put up with it.” It’s not just mums who are at risk either, says Jackie, as these problems can occur at any time through the lifespan, including women who have not had children, and even teenage girls. “There are many factors that can affect pelvic floor function,” she says.
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leakage of urine or faeces with coughing, laughing, sneezing, running, jumping, or any activity that puts pressure down on the pelvic floor being unable to hold onto urine with a sudden urge to go to the toilet visiting the toilet more regularly than previously getting up to go to the toilet more than once at night feeling a bulge or heaviness and discomfort in the vaginal area, especially at certain times such as the end of the day, after exercise, or when you are tired
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wellbeing | from the practice
Complacency in Health I was recently contemplating the wide number of health issues in our public eye at the moment, when it came to me that, as a nation of busy people, we have become complacent about our health. Particularly those of us who are parents.
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s parents, our primary health concerns are justifiably around our children, their welfare and their health is always a priority. Often to the detriment of our own wellbeing. So where does that leave us? In my experience, the majority of adults I come across simply do not think about their health matters, until it matters. It’s not for want of public health promotion messages either. This month in the public eye is asthma week, heart week and R U OK? Day – all wonderful campaigns designed to encourage us to consider and improve our own health. But do we listen? Do we act? Complacency in health is also evident when it comes to how people respond to seemingly minor issues, such as the common cold or flu. But despite this complacency, the influenza outbreak in South Australia is still a severe viral disease, often
BY CAROLINE GRAYDON, HEALTHSENSE MEDICAL CENTRE
requiring medical attention. Most people can expect to get a cold at some point in their life, but how do we know when it becomes more than a cold? Or more than the flu? In this growing age of internet self-diagnosis and ‘Dr Google’, we at times automatically attribute our symptoms to the cold or flu, but this may not always be the case. I would like to draw your attention to a well-known disease that rears its ugly head from time to time. Meningitis. The symptoms of meningitis in older children, teenagers and adults often resemble that of the flu, including fever, with cold hands and feet , vomiting, drowsiness and difficulty waking up , confusion and irritability, severe muscle pain, pale, blotchy skin and a distinctive rash, severe headache, a stiff neck, sensitivity to light and convulsion or seizures. These symptoms can appear in any order, and not everyone will get them. Because of this, meningitis is often mistaken for a bad flu, for which some people decide not to seek treatment. It may sound extreme, but this is a clear demonstration of how complacency can sometimes be life threatening. Sure it might just be the flu, but it’s worth getting it checked out. If you are unwell and unsure, do not power through with the ‘I’ll be right’ attitude. Rather, kick complacency to the curb and make an appointment to see your doctor.
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travel | schoolies
Not your average Schoolies! BY SARAH HAUSLER
If you have a teenager finishing school this year, chances are they already have their ‘schoolies’ plans locked in. But for those of you with children a year or two younger, it might be time to start introducing them to the idea of a slightly different schoolies experience.
I
n what has become a rite of passage in the past few decades, the schoolies trip is now synonymous with completing year 12 studies. While the mainstay destinations of Victor Harbor, the Gold Coast and Bali continue to be popular with party seeking school leavers, there is also a large up swell in the number of year 12 students looking for something different. A safer, alternative post-school celebratory experience – one filled with a little more adventure, or perhaps a little more personal fulfillment.
From island hopping through Fiji, to snorkeling tours in Vanuatu, school leavers are increasingly booking purposedesigned international ‘grad trips’. With a heavy emphasis on school leaver safety, such as a no duty free alcohol policy, fully guided coach travel and transfers and additional security at exclusive tour group only accommodation resorts, these grad-trips are gaining popularity among both teenagers and parents, according to Jot Lynas, CEO of Unleashed Travel. “It’s encouraging to see that so many teens, having
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travel | schoolies
heard so much about the anti-social behaviour at the Gold Coast and in Bali, have chosen to experience new cultures and more rewarding holidays,” Mr Lynas said. “The shocking documentary television series ‘What really happens in Bali’ gave viewers unprecedented access to underage drunken rampages that were enough to embarrass a nation, and for our youth to turn their back on mirroring those stereotypes. “Not every teen wants to spend a whole week avoiding creepy toolies and nursing a constant hangover, which is why these packages are becoming so popular.” Also increasing in popularity are volunteer trips, which see school leavers head for destinations such as Cambodia and South Africa, to spend time teaching children in orphanages, or learning about elephant conservation. It’s a far cry from a week long, alcohol fuelled binge on the Gold Coast. Adelaide teenager, Hannah Koler, 19, says she was never interested in taking a traditional drunken schoolies trip, but jumped at the chance to travel to Cambodia with Reach Out Volunteers in January this year. During her two week trip, Hannah spent her first week building classrooms for KidTea, a not for profit, nongovernment school; while in her second week she spent
time at the Cambodia Wildlife Sanctuary, working with rescued elephants and monkeys, and building toilets for the 300 live-in soldiers who protect the animals. “The experience was amazing,” said Hannah. “It was so great to build classrooms for underprivileged children, so they had the opportunity to learn English and go to school. It was also incredible to experience how the people lived, as it is a very poverty stricken country. “The majority of the people are so poor, however there are always smiles on their faces and they all seem to work together to help one another out. Also the experience of meeting two wonderful elephants, Arun Reah and Kham Lin, was eye opening , especially with regard to the logging and circus trades and how they treat and abuse elephants.” Volunteering overseas had been on Hannah’s wishlist for some time before her trip, and she believes the experience has truly changed her life. “It gave me an eye opening view of people’s lives outside of Australia,” she said. “I came home wanting to jump back on a plane to a different country to help and experience it all over again. I have never felt so happy and proud of the effort that everyone put into building those classrooms and the happy smiles on the children’s faces when we handed out much needed stationery donations.” Hannah would encourage other teenagers to undertake similar opportunities. “It’s an eye opening and rewarding experience to see how other cultures work and live, and to help a country in need,” she said. “It’s a great way to explore the world, experience cultures and help out at the same time.”
“Not every teen wants to spend a whole week avoiding creepy toolies and nursing a constant hangover”
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mum’s the word | with Jenni Eyles
enter at your own risk by jenni eyles
O
nce upon a time when my ‘man boys’ were chubby cheeked, dungaree wearing, Toy Story fanatics we had kids bedrooms that were ordered and cute. You know the kind, shelves lined with books and trophies, baskets of toys and co-ordinated everything. Yes, I was a totally organised and together mumma who exhaled in delight at the sight of a tidy and ordered bedroom. Please don’t hold that against me. I don’t know how it happens but I can tell you that somewhere between 14 and 16 my boys’ bedrooms morphed into respective versions of the TV series Hoarders, on steroids, and a rubbish tip! One is clean but messy and the other is to be avoided at all costs. Seriously, enter at your own risk! I used to be crazy house proud (driving my family crazy in the process) and everything was ordered, in its place and styled to the max. Then a couple of years ago I found myself going through chemotherapy.
Hampers are your only chance of being able to see the floor coverings. Have a hamper for dirty clothes and one for clean clothes waiting to be put away. Yup, that’s right, teach them to fold and hang their own clothes.
Hooks for hats, jackets and bags. Worked when they were two didn’t it? Enough said!
Whiteboards are an absolute gift for keeping track of dates, deadlines and reminders. We keep one in the bedroom which saves nagging, and we hope being organised will rub off into other areas of your teen’s life, like order in the bedroom.
Ditch blankets and go for a simple doona, making the bed will be quick and easy, even for the laziest of teens..no excuses.
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It turns out, chemo has a way of knocking the stuffing out of you, so as you can imagine housework became less important and like Elsa from Frozen I had to find a way to ‘let it go’. This was also around the same time the boys rooms were producing glasses and cereal bowls resembling science experiments, and towels suddenly became the floor covering of choice. It wasn’t pretty and I’d often lose my mind trying to reconcile how the cute dungaree wearing kid morphed into a man boy who seemed to enjoy chillaxin amongst chaos in his bedroom. As parents we can rant, lecture or bribe our teens to tidy their rooms or we can close the door and ‘let it go’. Can you guess which path I choose? Well with one son the bedroom the door remains firmly closed, but son number two shows signs of reform, so there’s a glimmer of hope. It’s ever so slim but I’m grabbing it firmly. This is the kid at whom we throw all our best organisational tools, so for the love of IKEA here’s my seven tidy teen room tips...not guaranteed to work, but give them a crack anyway.
We have powerpoints installed inside the built-in wardrobe for charging computers and phones, this keeps cords and chargers neatly tucked away.
NO food in the bedroom. I know to a teen a bed can look remarkably like a dining table and in my home the breakfast bowls go missing only to reappear days later from the depths of the bedroom. Keeping food out of the bedroom means your dinner set stays together and teens will mingle more often with the family...even if it is just for food.
Remember, your teen’s bedroom is not a reflection of your skills as a parent. This is a time in their life where they are muddled, soul searching, angst ridden, lazy, under pressure, busy, tired and in no mood for lectures...so let it go. It’s just a phase and won’t last forever. Choose your battles - there’s more pressing issues we need to tackle with teens than the state of their bedroom. I’m not saying ‘give up’ just ‘rest up’!
illustration KATE MASON www.katemason.com.au
If you have teenagers and their bedrooms could feature on a double page spread in a glossy home magazine I say bravo...and how do you do it?
Ruby Writes
the last word | ruby writes
We are always being told to ‘be ourselves’ and not to worry what anyone thinks of us. But while this is good advice, it is easier said than done. Why? Because being ourselves makes us stand out – when all we really want to do is fit in.
F
itting in is a BIG deal for teens, but what does it actually mean? If you look it up in an online dictionary it says this: to be accepted by a group of people because you are similar to them. Personally, I think this pretty much sums it up, but while the definition seems simple, for us teens it’s actually a lot more complicated. For us, fitting in is a crucial part of our reputation and friendship group choices. We feel the need to be accepted into groups, because we want to be secure and safe in our environment. Fitting in can be hard, believe me I know! This year I started at a new school and I was faced with a whole new group of girls. While I have now gotten to know these girls just fine, there was, and sometimes still is, that annoying little thought in the back of my head saying “Do they like me? Do they think I’m weird? Am I talking too much or not enough?” Being liked is a HUGE part of fitting in because, in order for a person to be accepted in to a group, their peers within that group must like them. At the start of the
school year I found it difficult in certain situations be myself, because I wanted to be liked, I wanted to fit in. This is why we find it so hard when parents tell us to ‘just be ourselves’. Most teenagers are totally themselves when they’re with their family, with them they know they fit in, because they are, well... family. But when faced with new people and situations we are confronted with thoughts such as “is being myself good enough for this person?” The answer is yes, of course. But teens struggle with that thought and feel the need to change themselves in order to fit in. In my experience it takes time to get to know and make new friends. Yeah, I wasn’t always completely myself but as I opened up so did they. The truth is that when we are ourselves, we are the best person we can be. I believe there is someone out there for everyone to fit in with; we just need to find them.
When faced with new people and situations we are confronted with thoughts such as “is being myself good enough for this person?”
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avery | top 20
BE KIND, REWIND We may not have had CGI, high definition, blu-ray or surround sound but OUR movies had heart, they had soul, they had a ripping soundtrack, and they had all the feels! Sure we may have had to wait months for them to come out on video (Beta, anyone?), and our Saturday night was ruined when that one particular movie we wanted to watch was already rented out, but it just made the whole movie experience all that more special.
What we also had was the best movie quotes. Back in the days when dialogue in film really mattered, these stand out lines were what turned a movie from amazing, to legendary.
"If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.” Point Break
"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU."
Hello, you’ve reached the winter of our discontent.
"When you don’t have anything, you don’t have anything to lose. Right?" Sixteen Candles
REALITY BITES
Star Wars
“I feel the need. The need for speed!” Top Gun
“We’re all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.” The Breakfast Club
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“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” Stand by Me
"You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone’s heart." St Elmo’s Fire
“I got chills…They’re multiplying.” Grease
"Carpe Diem. Sieze the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
“They say people don’t believe in heroes anymore. Well, damn them! You and me, Max, we’re gonna give ‘em back their heroes!” Mad Max
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Jaws
“I just want them to know that they didn’t break me.” PRETTY IN PINK
“It’s only forever, not long at all.” LABYRINTH “HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!“ The Princess Bride
Dead Poets’ Society
“Ugh! As if!” CLUELESS
“All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it... or a small hose... as long as it works.” Now and Then “YOU’LL NEVER GROW OLD, MICHAEL, AND YOU’LL NEVER DIE. BUT YOU MUST FEED!” The Lost Boys
"Nobody puts Baby in a corner" Dirty Dancing
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