SATeen Spring 2017

spring 2017 | free

inspired advice for parents of tweens & teens

www.sa-teen.com.au

Sexting.

THE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Family Portraits that won't make them cringe!

NATALIE BARR PARENTING FEARS AND CHALLENGES

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TIPS FOR PARENTS OF MOODY

PRE-TEENS

Talking to kids about suicide YOUNG LOVE

How to support your teen's first broken heart

Teen Tantrums What to do about BIG KID meltdowns

+ tween boy fashion + MERMAIDS & UNICORNS teen girl fashion

XMAS GIFT GUIDE

for tweens

& TEENS

ROMEO S ’

At Romeo’s we are a family that prides ourselves on supplying you with the freshest local ingredients.

Whether you want fresh baked rolls, succulent grain fed meat, ocean fresh seafood or our daily market fresh produce, we look forward to serving you soon.

everyday

family value • Athelstone • Croydon • Daw Park • Erindale • Fairview Park • Glenelg South • Greenwith • Lockleys • Magill • Marion • McLaren Vale • Mitcham • Modbury • Morphett Vale • Normanville • North Adelaide • Old Reynella • Port Adelaide • Rosewater • Rostrevor • Salisbury East • Stirling

est. 1987

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contents

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LIFESTYLE

PARENTING

05 T ween Boy Fashion Speak his language with fun emoji fashion

16 T een Tantrums Big kids have feelings too – learn why teens are prone to tantrums and what you can do to support their emotional development

06 T een Girl Fashion Add a touch of magic to everyday life with enchanting unicorn and mermaid inspired looks

41 P arenting Boys Raising sons to be caring, warm and strong is not easy.

Linda Vining shares some of parenting expert Steve Biddulph's top tips 42 M oody Pre-teens Miserable pre-teens and teens are pretty normal. Clinical psychologist, Kirrilie Smout shares 7 things she wants parents to know about this stage

Age appropriate ways to discuss suicide with children

COVER 20 Raising the Barr Natalie Barr opens up to sa-teen about her parenting fears and the challenges of raising teenage boys

FEATURES 24 A Little Something Extra (Curricular) Forget sport - we have compiled a list of fun after-school interests that exercise the brain!

28 C hristmas Gift Guide The in-betweens can be hard to shop for so we've put together a guide to help you this festive season

I thought I was a pathetic mother”

36 THE BIG ISSUE

36 T alking about suicide with kids It’s hard to know whether, or how, to address suicide with children. Rachael Sharman helps shed some light on a sensitive subject

REGULAR FEATURES 08 Highlight 38 Wellbeing 40 Ruby Writes 45 Education 46 Travel 47 Talking Teens

Published by Avery Magazine Editor Nicole Aspinall

COVER PHOTO Courtesy Channel 7

CONTRIBUTORS Jo Bainbridge, Jodie Benveniste, Karen Bevan, Emma Grey, Jennie Groom, Emma Holdsworth, Susannah McFarlane, Michelle Mitchell, Gayatri Nair, Kirrilie Smout, Rachael Sharman, Ruby Stewart, Victoria Taddeo, Linda Vining

ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES sales@averymagazine.com.au

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GENERAL ENQUIRIES Address PO Box 715 Prospect East SA 5082 hello@averymagazine.com.au www.averymagazine.com.au

DISTRIBUTION Romeo's Foodland, IGA and SupaIGA stores, SA www.romeosretailgroup.com.au COPYRIGHT All material appearing in SA-Teen Magazine is copyright unless otherwise stated. Copyright may rest with the provider of the supplied material.

No part of SA-Teen Magazine will be reproduced without written permission from the Publisher.

SA-Teen Magazine takes all care to ensure information is correct at the time of printing, but the publisher accepts no responsibility or liability for the accuracy of any content, illustrations, photographs, advertisements or pricing. Views expressed are not neccessarily endorsed by the publisher or editor. spring 2017

tween style

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Native Shoes Jefferson Crayon Yellow

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Emoji Tee jayjays.com.au

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Salmon Chino Shorts Scotch & Soda

EMOJIS speak louder than words

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Emoji PJs Marks and Spencer

$33 Crazy cushion www.citybeach.com.au

$11.99 "FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY EMOJI"

Poop Emoji Slippers citybeach.com.au

$29.99 spring 2017

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teen style Unicorn PJs Peter Alexander

$59.95

Marble pillow case set Typo

$19.99

Unicorn shower cap Peter Alexander

$15.95

Unicorn horn brush set Sportsgirl

$19.95

n i e v e i l e Ib

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Rayban aviator silver/purple

$230

Jellycat Bashful Unicorn David Jones

peteralexander.com.au

$39.95

Caticorn sock set Typo

Unicorn silver & gold hanging charm Pandora

$65

Alice McCall Shorts

$240

$16.99

Irridescent prism mini bag Typo Glow in the Dark Unicorn Home Boot Cotton On & Co

$29.99

$24.95

Leg tie sandals Betts

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spring 2017

teen style

Malibu Straw & Sequin tote Juicy Couture

$178

The Beach People Round Towel Temple & Webster

are real

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Eye Slay Sunglasses Le Specs

Rose Gold mermaid phone case 25hourprints

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$19.80 Shell Throne pool float Cotton On & Co

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Halter scallop bikini Dotti

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Ankle tie Glitter Espadrille London Rebel

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Glitter Polish picturepolish.com.au

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HIGHLIGHT

Spring2017 high·light n. An especially significant or interesting detail or event.

Internet addiction needs treatment

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athological internet addiction should be recognised as a disorder needing treatment, a Flinders University expert says.

“Excessive use of Social Networking Sites (SNS) has been reported as leading to psychological addiction to internet use - which has not been acknowledged as a condition needing attention.” says internet and mental health expert Dr Mubarak Rahamathulla, a senior lecturer in social work at Flinders University.

“Individuals with the condition will not be diagnosed or offered support and treatment, which causes enormous additional psychological strain, and can lead to problematic deviant behaviours in cyberspace.”

Dr Rahamathulla’s research finds a very high likelihood that internet addiction sufferers will vent their frustrations through risky

online behaviours such as sharing of sensitive personal details or sexual involvement with strangers, affecting real-life relationships and creating social and psychological problems for other internet users and the wider community.

However, rather than blaming the internet, he says the process that leads to pathological internet addiction needs closer examination and identification.

Dr Rahamathulla is calling for more research into intervention therapies, and for recognition of this deviant behaviour as a clinical disorder. “There is no reliable data available to deeply analyse the nature of internet addiction and its link with deviant and problematic behaviours – particularly when its use is so entwined with day-to-day work and social life,” he says. “Classic addictive symptoms, similar to drug and alcohol addiction, include mood modification, preoccupation with and increased use over time, possible withdrawal symptoms, conflict and relapse if use is restricted.”

Saving JAZZ Australian novelist Kate McCaffrey has collected the Australian Family Therapists' Award for Children's Literature for a third time. Her YA novel Saving Jazz won the Older Readers Award and a place on the list of titles recommended for use by family therapists.

'Saving Jazz is about a perpetrator of cyberbullying who is also a victim in this new landscape we find ourselves in today,' said McCaffrey. 'I wanted to show how damaging digital footprints could be, but I also wanted to show that you can recover at some stage, and that nothing is irreversible; we don’t have to live forever with our mistakes – we can recover.’

Available in all good bookstores and online, $19.99

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spring 2017

HIGHLIGHT

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Protect their eyes

he average teen uses several different digital devices daily for school, work and leisure.

Prolonged exposure to the blue light emitted from LED screens can be detrimental to their overall eye health, leading to a range of symptoms including eyestrain, headaches, fatigue, neck/back pain and blurred vision.

The eye’s natural lens is not designed to filter artificial blue light from computer screens, tablets and other devices, so crowd-funded Aussie start-up, EXYRA Eyewear, has developed an innovative

and affordable lens solution that blocks natural and artificial blue light from entering our retinas and causing muscular and visual damage to the eyes.

Housed in a stylish optical frame and available in non-prescription and prescription options, EXYRA glasses are designed to optimise vision when viewing digital screens by reflecting high energy blue light and enabling healthier blueturquoise wavelengths to enter the retina, protecting the eye from muscle strain.

Available nationally www.exyraeyewear.com

GET ORGANISED IN 2018 FOR a handier way of getting organised than writing notes on the back of your hand, try a Tinyme family planner for 2018. Personalised with columns for each family member, this hassle-free way of getting everyone sorted means you won't have to worry about your notes washing off in the shower! $35, www.tinyme.com.au

HAYFEVERHELP Did you know that 43% of Aussies say they've cancelled/changed social plans and 26% have taken a sick day because of their hay fever?

D

arren Palmer is one of Australia's leading interior design gurus and judge of Channel 9's hit show The Block. He is also a hay fever sufferer.

Darren is encouraging others affected by hay fever to get their condition under control and seek advice ahead of peak pollen periods.

Before hay fever gets in your way, go and see your doctor & visit

www.hayfeverhelp.com.au

spring 2017

THE EVOLUTION OF LANGUAGE

T

he sixth edition of the renowned Australian Concise Oxford Dictionary includes more than 2000 new entries and over 3000 updates to existing words. Australia’s growing food culture and multicultural influences, the influx of diet trends, changes in the economic landscape and the continual development of technology and social platforms have resulted in new words emerging in our everyday language. Our favourite new additions:

FAT SHAMING

SELFIE STICK

WHATEVS PHOTOBOMB

MEATATARIAN INSTA

SANDWICH GENERATION What words do you think should be considered for future editions of the dictionary?

Submit your suggestions at Word Box.

www.andc.anu.edu.au/webform/word-box

Zero Gravity phone case $28

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tween girls

By Susannah

McFarlane

Inspired by the thousands of messages she has received from mothers and girls who read her series EJ12 Girl Hero, writer and publisher Susannah McFarlane was moved to create The Girl Hero Project as a way to help counterbalance the negative messaging that surrounds many young girls today.

I

started writing the EJ Girl Hero series, spyadventure for tween girls as a gift to my daughter Emma, then 9, but also as my small contribution to tween feminism. I was a little tired of the Hermiones being the sidekicks to Harry the heroes and reckoned it was the girls’ turn to save the world, solo.

I was also shocked to read a report out of the NYU Child Study Centre indicating that the average girl’s selfesteem peaks at age 9 then plummets, never to return to that 9 year-old peak again. It seemed unbelievable but yet I recognised my daughter in it: at nine years old she was gaining competence in many things yet slipping in confidence. She seemed to be stepping back just as she should be moving forward. It wasn’t capacity, it was belief or lack of belief and I wanted to do something.

As a publisher and a writer, I know the power of stories, their power to inspire and to change our thinking, how we see things, how we see ourselves. So I wanted to write a story that might help change how our girls saw themselves. And, so ten year-old Emma Jacks, aka Secret Agent EJ12, code-cracker and Spy of the Year for the SHINE agency was born.

Each EJ book opens with Emma facing a problem –a mean girl, a maths test, school concert nerves, an irritating older brother – and then she is called on a mission that echoes the challenge of the home issue.

While Emma might find stuff hard at home and school, as EJ12 she can do anything. At the end of each story, she realises that she can crack the home issue too. She can be a girl hero in her real life.

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THE GIRL HERO PROJECT A safe, on-line platform for girls to inspire and be inspired by real-life stories of ordinary girls doing extraordinary things.

spring 2017

tween girls

A report out of the NYU Child Study Centre indicates that the average girl’s self-esteem peaks at age 9 then plummets, never to return to that 9 year-old peak again."

In 2016 and 21 books later, I finished the series. My fictional Emma was leaving primary school and my reallife Emma was nearing the end of high school – and both had grown and changed over those seven years. They had learnt to back themselves and so had my readers: so many girls had emailed and wrote to tell me that EJ had helped them. They told me how EJ made them feel brave, how they read EJ ‘for inspiration. If EJ can do it, so can I!’ Another girl wrote ‘EJ12 has taught me to believe in myself.’ That made me cry, happy mother and happy writer tears.

But what would come after EJ? Now I wanted to inspire those girls by telling them real-life stories of girl heroes and show how they could be one too.

And so The Girl Hero Project was born, a safe, on-line platform for girls to inspire and be inspired by real-life stories of ordinary girls doing extraordinary things.

The Girl Hero Project shares the stories of girls as young as 8 years old who are making a difference to their communities and their world – and shows all girls how they can do the same.

We all want our girls to be happy. We know as both people and parents that happiness comes from helping and often the people we admire the most are the people who help the most. So we tell the stories of well-known girl heroes from history and today such as Anne Frank and Malala Yousafazi, but we also share the stories of ‘ordinary’ girls doing extraordinary things.

Like the story of Issy from Melbourne who always dreamed of being a professional AFL player and now is poised to be the number one draft pick for 2018. Or Amarni in the US, who, at 8 and with her mum’s help, organised a food drive that delivered over 400 kilograms of food to feed the homeless in her local community.

We can show our girls that they don’t need to wait until they ‘grow up’ to make their world a better place.

We need to help them dream big, give back and be the girl hero that is inside them all.

AGI K: When Agi was 8, she made a short film about her little

sister, Magdalena (who happens to have Down’s Syndrome).

It went viral as the world fell in love with the two sisters.

"Don’t ask me ‘What is it like having a sister with Down’s syndrome?’ instead ask me ‘What is Magdalena like?’ The label ‘Down’s Syndrome’ doesn’t tell you anything, it doesn’t tell you how much fun we have together, how much we love each other." At 8 years old, Agi changed the way people saw people with disabilities. Her award-winning films have since been screened in cinemas and festivals world-wide.

Agi continues to make films, developing her talents and spreading her message.

JADE ESLER: On her 16th birthday, after three years of lessons, Jade became Australia’s youngest solo pilot. That alone is impressive, but the best thing about Jade’s story is that she paid for all those flying lessons herself, by starting her own cupcake business at just 13 years of age. She has sold over 20,000 cupcakes, funding her flying lessons and helping her achieve her next goal of earning her private pilot’s licence and then a commercial licence – all by the time she is 18 and all while still going to school! Jade is using her success to help inspire other girls to achieve their dreams with a plan to circumnavigate Australia in a plane, stopping in rural towns to present motivational speeches to local school children, encouraging them to chase their dreams.’

CASSANDRA LIN: In Year 5 Cassandra learnt two things that Susannah McFarlane is the author, creator and publisher of some of Australia’s most successful children’s book series. Susannah is passionate about getting kids reading, and getting them reading the right things. With over twenty years experience in children’s publishing, Susannah understands the importance of giving kids stories they want to read as well as ones their parents and teachers can trust.

www.girlheroproject.com

spring 2017

would help her make a major change to her local community.

At a science expo, she learnt that discarded cooking oil could be converted into biodiesel. This fascinated her. From the local newspaper, she learnt that some families were unable to pay their heating bills. This concerned her. So she took action. Together with her friends, they created TGIF – TURN GREASE INTO FUEL - a plan to use discarded cooking oil to make biodiesel for heating homes. Convicing local restaurants to donate their kitchen grease, she contacted local charities and TGIF turned the grease into fuel, heating the homes of over 500 families!

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parenting family

Family Por traits with teens

With the ever-present camera in our phones, we now take more photos than ever before, but they are often quick snaps, blurred, dark, bad quality or with distracting backgrounds.

When you’re thinking about turning photographic memories into art and hanging them on the wall, it’s a good idea to consider putting the phone down and engaging a professional photographer.

P

ARTICLE AND PHOTOS BY JENNIE GROOM

hilosopher George Santayana stated, ‘‘A family is one of nature’s masterpieces," and I believe that the preservation of this masterpiece through regular family portraits is an opportunity that should not be lost.

Professional photography has traditionally been considered a luxury item but I’ve never heard anyone say it was a waste of money. It can never really be a waste can it? Capturing history is priceless.

We take photos to remember, it’s as simple as that, but it’s really very important. When we lose someone close to us, it’s natural that we look to family photographs to jog our memories. They help us cope while we reminisce. As parents, we tend to take lots of photographs of our own children as they grow up, but how many of those pictures do we actually appear in with our kids?

Some families will have a yearly professional portrait taken without a second thought, while others may never

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pay someone to take their picture, but as guide, I really think you’re unlikely to ever regret investing in a growing set of three portraits over the years; one as toddlers, a second as tweens then one in their teens.

If you’re plagued by haunting memories of cringeworthy ‘awkward family photo’ shoots in the 80s, rest assured that the style of professional family portraits has changed over the years to a more relaxed, carefree and less ‘posed’ one.

There has been a noticeable shift from studio portraits as the norm to location based shoots at public venues such as parks or in private homes and gardens.

As parents, we take lots of y photographs of our children as the grow up, but how many of those pictures do we actually appear in with our kids?” spring 2017

parenting family

Portraits around the home are particularly great with teenagers, especially if you have built the house yourself or renovated to suit your growing family

Nostempo stem porerum samus, sequias esquunt hilluptatus et laut est, venit magnihi”

TOP TIP:

ASK THE TEENAGERS FOR THEIR IDEAS ON HOW THEY WOULD LIKE TO BE PORTRAYED AS A FAMILY. IT'S WORTH KNOWING WHAT WILL EMBARRASS THEM (SO WE AVOID IT!) AND WHAT THEY WOULD BE PROUD TO SHOW THEIR FRIENDS. Although professional family portraits can still be posed, the difference is what I call the 'active pose'. In the past, photographers would spend quite some time placing your family in a nice height arrangement and positioning your hands gently on another family member’s arm or shoulder as a way of connecting the family together as a unit. The result was staged and unnaturally stuffy. The ‘active pose’ starts the same way, but the pressing of the shutter is delayed until the family responds to a request to cuddle up, or tickle each other, resulting in natural smiles and laughs.

spring 2017

It’s not necessary that everyone is looking at the camera either, but more important that they are engaging with each other.

Studio shoots can result in some of my favourite bold and bright images, but portraits around the home are particularly great with teenagers, especially if you have built the house yourself or renovated to suit your growing family. Being in familiar surroundings helps some people relax too – and for a family portrait, relaxed is what we are trying to achieve!

Bringing a photographer along on a meaningful family activity like canoeing, hiking or bike riding is likely to result in genuine and fun photographs too. Remember though, if you don’t like being the centre of attention, a photo shoot in a public place won’t help!

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"BUT I HATE HAVING MY PHOTO TAKEN/I'M NOT PHOTOGENIC..."

S Consider how your clothes will look together as a family

WHAT DO WE WEAR? When deciding on outfits for the family portrait, try to stay true to your family’s style. The list of ‘rules’ is more don’t than do.

X

DON’T wear your Sunday best, especially if you’re planning on an active portrait session.

X

DON’T mix patterns with other patterns, a few checked shirts are ok but then don’t put the others in striped, floral or polka dots (or vice versa.)

X

AVOID bright colours, particularly fire engine red, bright yellow, orange and anything fluro!

X

DON’T fake tan or overdo the make-up; if it’s overdone to your eye, that’s what the camera sees and how your photos will look.

X

AVOID logos or bright pictures and steer clear of the latest trends if you don’t want to be embarrassed in 10 years time!

imple fact - some people just don’t like to be the centre of attention. The thought of being photographed is often compared with the same dislike as going to the dentist!

I don’t subscribe to the idea that people are ‘photogenic’ or not as I believe there is a good picture in everyone and I personally love the challenge of photographing someone who ‘hates’ it to see if I can change their minds from years of photo dread. Sometimes it just comes down to the right light, pose, moment or the right photographer!

Often, those who hate their photos being taken have not experienced a comfortable professional photo shoot before. Parents who were forced to participate in ‘bad’ family portraits as a teenager are, unfortunately, likely

If you’re plagued by memories of cringeworthy ‘awkward family photo’ shoots in the 80s, rest assured that the style of professional family portraits has changed over the years.”

to avoid the experience for the rest of their lives!

And let’s face it, none of us are getting any younger. While the kids are feeling self-conscience with issues such as pimples, ‘funny’ teeth and awkwardly changing bodies, the parents are concerned about weight gain, hair loss, going grey, more wrinkles! The truth is, this is all part of life and when you’re interacting, smiling and having fun as a family, none of it matters.

It’s not worth putting off a family portrait for anyone’s self-conscious issues; you might not feel any different in five years but you can’t rewind time to capture a moment past.

If that hasn’t convinced you, as they say, there’s always Photoshop!

I must state my personal philosophy however, that I won’t change the shape of people, but I will remove pimples and other blemishes that may not have been there on a different day, and I don’t mind lightening the odd wrinkle or two!

I try to find the happy medium for everyone’s self-esteem without looking fake.

I’m not trying to make your pants look fancy, I’m just trying to showcase the love and happiness you share and if that all comes together, people will be looking at the beauty within your family because that will shine more than your shoes!

Consider how your clothes look together as a family, ideally the colours will blend nicely together and the style will look timeless.

Having said all this, it’s important to stay true to yourself and have some individuality!

It's important to stay true to yourself and have some individuality!

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spring 2017

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST? Family portrait sessions with reputable photographers can usually either be paid on a per item basis (sitting fee plus the cost of images at set prices where you choose your favourites at a viewing session), or you purchase a package deal.

An example of a minimum package deal would include - the sitting fee, four - 5x7 inch* and one - 8x10 inch unframed prints, a 16x20 inch framed print for the wall, plus a social media pack of the images you’ve selected for the prints.

Photographers fees will vary in this package price according to years of experience, style, personality, the cost of goods, and demand. If this package was presented to you for a price of less than $550 then it’s unlikely the photographer would be making a salary above the poverty line. If you are looking at around the $1000 mark, the photographer is likely to have at least 10-years experience. At around the $2000 plus mark, the photographer would have least 20-years experience or a reputation that precedes them. If you feel this is expensive, consider only 19% of photographers earn above the average Australian wage. *Most photographers talk in inches because the original film measurements are still used in photo printing but the centimetre conversion is longer and harder to remember!

spring 2017

Studio shoots can result in some of my favourite bold and bright images

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parenting

Teen Tantrums Big kids have feelings too

BY EMMA HOLDSWORTH, FAMILY COUNSELLOR

Parents often tell me that their ‘big kids’ are having tantrums or outbursts way worse than the toddlers! Although this can be hard to manage, it is developmentally normal for tweens and teens to have out of control emotions. It is up to us as parents to support and empower them to understand and process their feelings.

T

he teen and tween years are really important for at you, screaming at you or even lashing out physically, but developing relationships outside of the family there is always a confused feeling or an unmet need hiding and figuring out ‘who we are’. This kind of work behind those behaviours. requires a lot of input from the brain’s emotional Attempting to separate the inappropriate conduct centre. The Limbic System holds the parts of our brain from the emotions and unfulfilled expectations that are that are responsible for social development, emotional driving them doesn't mean letting them get away with responses and memory as well as regulating our love and hurting people or breaking the rules. It is important to try stress hormones. It is hard at work from the time just and help your kids understand and learn what behavior before puberty and right through is acceptable and appropriate. As adolescence, helping our kids to observers and supporters, if we can learn these vital life skills. look beyond the outburst and help How we support our kids to our kids see what is underneath, express their big feelings at this we will not only be connecting time can make a huge difference, with them, strengthening our not only to how they feel about relationship and validating their Mother of 15 year old son themselves but how they form feelings, we are also more likely relationships into adulthood. to succeed in encouraging them Our big kids need connection, validation and warmth in to change their response and make a more positive choice order to work through and process their feelings, even if it next time. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like it doesn’t always seem that way. Your teens might be swearing meets all of my parenting goals!

“I don’t know what I have done wrong, he seems so angry all the time.”

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parenting

What to do DURING a massive teen meltdown

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hen your young adult is screaming and shouting or lashing out, it is not the moment to work through things. Their 'emotional' brain is in full swing, which renders their 'thinking' brain unable to do its best work. Throwing out consequences or trying to reason with them at this point is a waste of your time and theirs. Remember they are not being bad or naughty, they just need some help to recognize and manage what is causing them to act this way.

Letting them know in a calm and strong voice that you can see they are (upset, angry) but it is not okay to (hit, throw things, scream or say hurtful things) validates their feelings and sets up a calm boundary for them. You can then let them know you are there for them and can (help, talk, hug) when they are ready.

If it is safe, staying with them and listening to their upset, whether it be words, tears or raging, lets your child know you can be trusted to hold this space for them and support them with their feelings. If they demand space (stomping in to another room etc) give them a little time but do check on them soon after. Give them some time to empty out those feelings so they can come back into their thinking brain before speaking again.

“I didn’t raise her to fly off the handle like this, I can’t work it out” Father of 13 year old daughter

Our Lady of La Vang Specialist educational facility for students with intellectual disability

O

ur Lady of La Vang is a purpose built Catholic educational facility for children and young people with intellectual disability aged from 5 to 20 years.

It is a centre of learning and teaching solidly grounded in contemporary evidence based educational practices; theories of learning; child development and brain based research. We value the capabilities of each student and we know that all children learn.

We educate students in and for life in respectful and

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11 Malcolm Street Flinders Park SA 5025

supportive ways.

The work we do is firmly based in all the fundamental values so necessary for us all to live a good life.

These are fun, freedom, voice, choice, belonging, dignity and justice, and these are all practised in a safe and supportive learning environment. It is an environment that emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, physically and spiritually nourishes each student.

Limited vacancies for 2018.

Enrolling now.

Please contact us for a personalised tour with the Principal. Phone 8159 2500.

info@lavang.catholic.edu.au www.lavang.catholic.edu.au www.sa-teen.com.au

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parenting

What to do AFTER a massive teen meltdown

O

nce your young person has begun to slow down, quiet down or calm down, remind them you are ready to talk, have a hug or help them work on the issue when they are ready. They will appreciate the comfort that comes from your

calm and supportive presence. Don’t underestimate the value of ‘holding space without saying much’.

Once they are ready to talk, try to use positive statements and open questions to get the conversation happening “That was a lot of tears, how are you feeling now?’

“It sounded like you were feeling really angry back there, what brought that on?’

“Do you think you can tell me what happened just now?’

What you are trying to do here is support your young person to explore what led to the feelings that then resulted in the tantrum behavior. Let them talk, encourage them to learn a different behavior or choice for next time. If there is to be a consequence for something, leave that until the end of the conversation and ask your child to contribute to what would be fair or appropriate, given the situation.

Sometimes our kids just have a build up of seemingly small fears and hurts that they save up for home as they don’t want to let those feelings loose in public. Be okay with that as what it tells you is that you are your child’s safe space to let the feelings out.

New Loreto ELC

Opening January 2018 - Apply now

College Tour Friday 17 November, 9.15am

Loreto School Buses North, South, West & Adelaide Hills

www.loreto.sa.edu.au An independent Catholic day and boarding school for girls from Early Learning to Year 12 CRICOS No: 00629G

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316 Portrush Road, Marryatville | Phone 08 8334 4200 | www.loreto.sa.edu.au spring 2017

parenting

Keeping the lines of communication wide open, in a way that not only allows your kids to talk to you about anything, but encourages them to, sets you up to be a safe, trusted person who is not going to judge or shame them about their feelings or bad choices they have made. Let your kids know that they can never be ‘in trouble’ if they bring something to you. There may be consequences if they made a bad choice, but you can work through anything they bring to you, together.

Kids of all ages have big emotions and need support to learn to feel, express and process them. Being in touch with our emotions and knowing what works when we are overwhelmed by them, is a vital skill for all adults when it comes to how they feel about themselves and how they behave in relationships with others.

Around puberty the brain starts a process of remodeling. Connections which are not used or no longer needed are ‘pruned’ away, while more utilised connections are strengthened. The human brain is ‘remodeled’ in a sequence from back of brain to front, leaving the Prefrontal Cortex until last. This part of the brain is not fully developed until early adulthood! This is the part of the brain that is responsible for decision making, planning, understanding consequences of actions and impulse control.

It is the ‘Thinking’ part of the brain. While this part is still underdeveloped, teenagers may rely more heavily on the 'feeling’ part of their brain when making decisions. The Amygdala is the part of the brain more closely associated with emotions, impulses and instinctive behaviour.

Emma Holdsworth believes that healthy relationships between parents and children are the key to success, happiness and survival! Emma is a family counsellor and parenting educator and works to empower individuals and families to be active in creating the relationships they deserve.

Keep your

teen smiling Dental care is free for most teenagers at the School Dental Service Our teams offer expert dental care to teenagers and all children under 18 years.

Visit our website to find your local clinic and make an appointment today.

www.sahealth.sa.gov.au/sadental spring 2017

www.sa-teen.com.au

19

cover story

Raising the

Barr Sunrise's Natalie Barr confesses to sa-teen that she once thought she was a pathetic mother, but a supportive husband and flexible work environment have helped her rise above her parenting fears and challenges to embrace life with teens.

By Gayatri Nair

N

atalie Barr. There is something extremely relatable about the famous anchor of Channel 7’s award winning morning show, Sunrise. Her downto-earth persona, and the sensitivity and honesty with which she has been presenting news for the last 15 years, has made her a household name. And long after the cameras have been turned off, Natalie continues to bring the same brand of honesty into her real life. Therefore, when asked about motherhood, the 49-year-old did not mince her words, truthfully articulating the challenges that accompany parenthood. However, she adds, though tough, parenthood is a wonderful experience.

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A TOUGH START

According to her own admission, Natalie found it difficult to embrace motherhood. “When I was six months pregnant, my father suffered from a fatal heart attack. I was extremely close to him and his death came as a huge shock. The month before he died, he came along with me for my ultrasound.

I take solace in knowing that probably through the ultrasound, he had a chance to connect, ever so slightly, with my first born, Lachlan. It has been 16 years since his death, and a part of me still grieves for him. But I like to believe that he is looking at them from above, and hope that they carry with them the values he held so dear – a vehement sense of justice and fairness,” she says.

spring 2017

cover story

On holidays with the men in her life in Nat's home state, WA 18 months, and thanks to the efforts of a sleep expert, my son started sleeping better, and I slowly started feeling more confident as a mother.”

MANOEUVRING BETWEEN ROLES:

Some days you think you are on top of your game... then you have days when you are overwhelmed and tired ”

Photograph: Fabrizio Lipari

spring 2017

For Natalie, the first 18 months following the birth of her first born was chaos. “Lachlan was a terrible sleeper.

People tend to take sleep deprivation as a joke, but it is a grave issue. His erratic sleeping patterns pushed me into counselling. I thought I was a pathetic mother and couldn't even get my child to sleep!” says Natalie.

She adds, “We are told that once we have children, the maternal instincts will kick in. But it didn’t happen in my case. I kept wondering where is that warm and fuzzy feeling that everyone talks about?

Those niggling questions coupled with Lachlan’s sleep issues bogged me down drastically, and I started questioning my competency as a mother. But after

Natalie’s typical day starts at 3am. She gets to her studio a little over 4 and then slips into a routine that comprises getting hair and make-up done, prepping for news reading, being on air for four hours, and finally leaving the studio around midday. Once the cameras shut down, Natalie slips into her mum mode. “From then on it is picking up kids from school, doing grocery shopping, planning for dinner, taking kids to footy practice, and hitting the sack by 8pm. The next day, it starts all over again,” she says.

“Like most working mothers, some days are easy and you think you are on top of your game. Then you have days when you feel like you are trailing behind, leaving you overwhelmed and tired,” she adds.

Natalie acknowledged the pivotal role played by her husband who helps her deal with the travails that follow a working mother. “Andrew and I have been married for 22 years now. We harbour a great deal of respect for each other’s professions, and that makes us a supportive couple. We share parenting responsibilities equally and don’t keep

Nat's instagram is a refreshingly real snapshot of normal family life www.sa-teen.com.au

21

cover story

checks on what the other is doing.

That shared bond born out of mutual respect and admiration helps us function better as parents,” she says.

Natalie adds that Channel 7 and the team behind her show Sunrise has been an integral part of her support system. “Sunrise is a family show, and that concern for family is reflected in the support they have lent me. They have given me enough freedom to fulfil my roles as both a mother and a working professional,” she says.

FEARS & CHALLENGES

Despite support from various quarters, Natalie is unable to shrug off the constant fear for her children.

“You are always thinking the worst when it comes to your kids. The first time someone offered to drive them from footy practice, I thought they

I just got off the phone with my to insurance company, asking them add my eldest son to my car's policy... When did he grow up?” might die in a car crash. When they wanted to go for a sleep over, thoughts of them being killed by an axe murderer came to my mind. These are silly and irrational fears, but a mother is rarely free from such thoughts.

But, I have learned to let go. After all, we can’t smother our kids with our insecurities,” she points out.

It is her concern for her kids that saw her becoming the brand ambassador for Return Unwanted

Medicines – an initiative that persuades parents to return medicines not in use to prevent them from being consumed by children, rendering them sick.

The challenges of parenthood are just as overwhelming as the fears, adds Natalie. “Every phase brings unique challenges. The challenges I faced when they were babies are drastically different from the ones I face now. I just got off the phone with my insurance company, asking them to add my eldest son to my car insurance policy. Makes me wonder when did he grow up? He has a girlfriend now, and I am thinking how to deal with such a situation?” she smilingly adds.

“Challenges come crashing suddenly like waves, and one has to be mindful of them. Instead of being frightened, sit with your support system - partner, parents, close friends - and discuss solutions to those,” adds Natalie.

She further explains, “Parenting styles have to be tweaked to meet the challenges that sprout at different phases. They must also be tailormade for different kids. What worked at one time for one kid, may not bear fruits with the other. It is important to understand these nuances.”

BEING A BETTER PROFESSIONAL

Sunrise gives Nat the freedom to fulfil her roles as both mother and working professional

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“Being a parent has enabled me to grow as a professional too,” says Natalie. “As a mother, I bring a distinct perspective to my job. I am more understanding of other people and more patient with them,” she adds.

Natalie has a word of advice for all parents. “Stop feeling guilty that you can’t get everything done. You might end up ordering food more often than you like, or have eggs on toast for dinner regularly. Go with the flow, and stop trying to control everything. You can’t manage it all, and that is fine,” she says. spring 2017

special feature

+ ex tra a little something

by Victoria Taddeo

There are plenty of opportunities for kids to get out and about and be physical, but what about the activities that keep their minds active? Victoria has compiled a list of after-school interests that give teens an opportunity to exercise their brains as well as their bodies.

E

xtra-curricular activities allow children to pursue particular interests or passions outside of school and in more detail, meet like-minded people and develop their skills and abilities in specific areas. It's not just about sport or fitness - belonging to a club or team has the potential to help teenagers both socially and academically. Taking part in extracurricular activities can: give kids an opportunity to explore where their strengths lie and find out what they're good at give children a sense of achievement and boost their self-esteem and confidence help teenagers in particular to avoid risk-taking behaviours like alcohol use, by getting them involved in healthy, positive things and learning to enjoy spending their leisure time in productive ways help children learn to handle responsibility and develop skills in planning, problem solving and taking initiative which will have a positive affect on academic and future success

considerations Budget: Many extra curricular activities come with hefty fees, insurance costs, equipment and other charges. Find out what you're in for upfront if possible.

Shedule: In addition to regular practices students may also be expected to attend weekend performances, fundraising activities, even interstate travel in some cases. Be sure you can commit to the requirements before signing up.

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spring 2017

special feature

visual arts Get their creative juices flowing by signing up for art classes. You don't have to be naturally gifted to reap the benefits - art is a fantastic way for kids to express themselves, bringing emotions to the surface that can be hard to tap into in other ways.

music lessons Music provides kids of all ages a wonderful platform to express themselves, their passions and feelings.

Participating in musical activities has been proven to reduce stress levels and anxiety, developing skill as well as promoting positive mental health.

I have taught music for over 20 years. Through that time I have seen many students of all ages develop and achieve not only pianistic skills, but musical knowledge, music appreciation, improved academic results, and confidence in both themselves and the piano.

SAMANTHA DECONNO Accredited member of the South Australian Music Teacher's Association

creative writing For those who dream about being a renowned author, or those who just have a lot to say, a creative writing class may be the way to go. Contact the SA Writers Centre for workshops and events for young writers.

For avid readers, joining a book club is a fantastic way to keep the mind working while also having lots of fun.

Your child will have the opportunity to meet like-minded people with similar interests and be able to connect with them over something they enjoy.

languages Learning a second language can be very rewarding. Some benefits of being bilingual are increased focus, memory, planning and multitasking skills. Children who learn a second language can also ignore distractions easier because the part of their brain called the “executive function� is stronger in bilinguals. This of course would benefit their academic performance in the classroom.

volunteering Volunteering at a food bank, a hospital or an animal shelter is a wonderful way to learn valuable life and career skills while helping your local community.

performance Not only is it fun, but being involved in dance or theatre can be beneficial in so many ways, encouraging self-esteem and confidence as well as selfdiscipline. Whether it's a cheerleading class, local theatre club or a ballet lesson, the performing arts require practise and dedication.

spring 2017

scouts and guides Scouting and Guiding has provided fun, friendship and adventure to children worldwide for over a hundred years. Valuable life skills are learned through a variety of activities. In addition to the exciting outdoor action such as camping, canoeing, archery and more, children have the opportunity to get involved in creative and performing arts, community service, environmental projects and leadership development initiatives like Guiding Australia's Getting into Governance.

www.sa-teen.com.au

25

special feature

Forever to Shine

A

t Dance Inc Adelaide, the focus is on the individual child's potential to feel confident and express themselves through dance, cheerleading, music and movement. Dance Inc classes allow students to improve co-ordination, balance and self-confidence in a safe, secure and supportive environment.

Offering Cheerleading, Tumble, Hip Hop, Classical/ Contemporary, Jazz and Tap, Ballet and CSTD Exams for children aged 18 months to 18 years, Dance Inc. encourages the passion of dancing & cheerleading, particularly as an avenue for personal growth and development at all stages of life. Devoted to each student, and proudly sharing in each milestone in his or her dance classes and training, Dance Inc Adelaide welcomes all students – young and old, beginners or experienced to find a balanced lifestyle of fun and fitness with dance and aim 'Forever to Shine'.

Call Michelle on 0404 230 182 or visit www.danceincadelaide.com for more information

first lesson FREE

Bringing the gift of music into the home of every student

P

laying an instrument is an amazing form of brain training.

Kids who can read music often perform better in the classroom.

Piano is the perfect way to introduce kids to music.

Samantha DeConno has been teaching piano for over 20 years. She conducts

private piano lessons for school-aged children from 6 years old at her Mawson Lakes home and says that music is a gift to be enjoyed for life. "Music lessons for your child improve concentration, discipline, and helps develop good study habits. Your child will reap benefits from music education their entire life."

Call 0419 817 991 or email samdeconno@gmail.com

♪ Theory ♪ Aural ♪ Sight Reading ♪ Exams

Practical

Day & Evening tuition for ages 6 years + TEACHER

OF PIANO SINCE 1995

Member of SA Music Teacher Association

BALLET\\JAZZ LYRICAL\\HIP HOP TAP\\CHEERLEADING\\ Classes from beginners/recreation through to national teams competing interstate

0404 230 182 www.danceincadelaide.com

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MAWSON LAKES

0419 817 991

samdeconno@gmail.com

/PianowithSamantha spring 2017

special feature

IS YOUR DAUGHTER A LEADER? The research is in. There is a serious, entrenched and sizeable gender gap in Australian boardrooms. The solutions are complex but Girl Guides Australia think they can help to shift the balance.

I

BY KAREN BEVAN, GIRL GUIDES CEO

n Australian Guiding, we see firsthand the difference that talented, motivated female change makers can make. And we know that young women like these make extraordinary contributions when they have the opportunities to get involved. That’s just one of the reasons that Girl Guides Australia, an organisation dedicated to empowering girls and women, is pushing to get more young women into board governance.

Getting into Governance is a new program of skills development and mentoring for young women who want to be on a Board and contribute to the conversation around the issues that matter to them. In time, we hope this will create a pipeline of the next generation of board directors.

To get a handle on the challenge ahead and possible solutions, Girl Guides Australia hosted a Roundtable discussion in Canberra last month.

what we heard at the roundtable • Some of the contributing factors to the gender gap are preconceptions and masculine stereotypes of leadership skills and experience; the lack of flexibility, limited skill development opportunities and women’s own perceptions of their abilities.

• Those with the greatest power to make a change are organisations and boards themselves.

• We can create change at the person-to person level.

Successful leaders must be intentional and focused in supporting and mentoring women, especially young women.

• We must work to create the conditions where women, particularly young women are ‘seen’ in leadership, in Board recruitment and on Boards, and their value is recognised.

• We need to grow and nurture the skills and profiles of young women who want to lead on issues that matter to them.

Being a Board Director is one way of influencing change and addressing issues that matter to you.

If you are a young woman who wants to make a difference, apply before 5 November 2017. To find out more visit www.girlguides.org.au/programs/getting-into-governance

Getting into Governance

T

his innovative project is designed to support girls and young women aged 16 to 24 to grow their leadership and governance skills. From February to June 2018 Getting into Governance will help to create a pathway for participating young women to build their careers and work towards gaining roles at board level.

ISISYOUR LEADER? YOURDAUGHTER DAUGHTER AALEADER? Nurture potentialwith with Nurture her her potential GETTING GOVERNANCE GETTING INTO INTO GOVERNANCE

A Aprogram aged16 16toto24 24years, years, programfor for women women aged andready readyto to become become Changemakers! and Changemakers!

Applications close close 5 November Applications November2017.

2017.

www.girlguides.org.au/programs/getting-into-governance www.girlguides.org.au/programs/getting-into-governance

Find out Find outmore more......

(08) 8418 0900 (08) 8418 0900 Phone Website Phone

Website

www.girlguidessa.org.au

www.girlguidessa.org.au spring 2017

The program will commence with a weekend intensive, 16-18 February 2018, at the National Centre for Indigenous Excellence, Redfern, Sydney.

This will be followed by a self-paced, online learning program. Participants will be allocated a highly experienced mentor for the duration of the program and have regular sessions with their mentors.

Fully funded places are available for young women aged 16 – 24 years, both members and non-members of Australian Girl Guiding, by online application at www.girlguides.org.au Getting into Governance is supported by the Australian Government through the Office for Women of the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet. Costs for all accommodation, meals and materials for the weekend intensive will be met by Girl Guides Australia. NOTE: Participants will be required to fund their travel to and from Sydney, and all travel and other costs associated with mentor meetings. Applicants may apply for a subsidy to support travel to and from Sydney.

www.sa-teen.com.au

27

gift guide

It's beginning to look a lot like

CHRISTMAS No longer a little kid but not yet an adult, it's tricky to buy for the in-betweens, so we've put together a guide to help you make the most of your gift shopping this festive season.

win!

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK FOR DETAILS ON HOW TO WIN A CHRISTMAS GIFT PRIZE PACK! @SATeenMag

T for

tween

GIRLS AGES 8-12

his age can be difficult to please; they still love their toys, but they can't wait to grow up!

Activity-based gifts offer the best of both worlds - think art, craft, gardening and cooking supplies. Their own plant to tend with watering can and gardening gloves, or a cook book, apron and oven mitt. Take their interests into consideration and you're onto a winner. (and those summer school holidays are looong! Gifts that entertain as well as cultivate a life skill will be appreciated by both parents and children.)

Travel-sized toiletries are cute, inexpensive and useful for sleepovers which are popular at this age. A perfume named after her favourite celebrity is sure to be a hit! Stick to fruity or sweet smelling scents for pre-teens.

Books are a must - ask your local book store about popular titles or if you're unsure, you can't go wrong with a blank journal, joke books or a fun 2018 calendar.

Hone her super powers with something from the action-packed and fun-filled range of products featuring Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batgirl, Harley Quinn, Bumblebee, Poison Ivy and more. DC Super Hero Girls is an exciting universe of Super Heroic storytelling that helps build character and confidence, empowering girls to discover their true potential.

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Mattel Wonder Woman 12 inch doll $32.99

Lego Batgirl Secret Bunker $59.99

spring 2017

gift guide www.limetreekids.com.au

STOCKING

stuffing ideas: HAIR ACCESSORIES, LIP GLOSS, BUBBLE BATH, BATH BOMBS, SHOWER GELS, COLOURING BOOKS, STATIONERY, ERASERS, PENCILS, JEWELLERY, STICKERS

Creative pursuits offer an antidote to screen time.

Tiger Tribe products are designed to 'un-plug' kids and help them drive their own real experiences.

Entertaining and educational, the fun, compact and portable activities are well suited to modern, busy family life. Kids can take and play every day – in cafés, travelling, at home or wherever they may be.

DESSATA MAXI BRUSH

Ease the morning struggle and detangle a greater amount of hair in less time, with less effort, either wet or dry. $29.95

STUF te

dd

Mermaid Pillow Co IMAGINE $47.99

FUJIMAX INSTAX CAMERA

Capture all those unique moments in life with friends and family in an instant. $88.95

F ‘N’ BE

ARS

Girl Lane skincare products are versatile and easy to use for tween girls. The botanical and scientific ingredients in the range specifically target the needs of changing tween skin to provide oil balance, hydration, nourishment and protection.

s

GIRL LANE SKIN CARE RANGE

Tiger Tribe Sweet Secrets Diary $13

Sketch & Sniff Scented Pencils $20

ft

www.dessata.com.au

ies’N’gi

charlie bears and other teddies gifts, cards, dreamcatchers

and much more!

Shop B, 76 Main Street hahndorf sa 5245 (08) 8388 1332 /stuffnbears

www.kmart.com.au spring 2017

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gift guide

for

tween

BOYS

A

s the weather warms up it's time for kids to get outside! Encourage physical activity with a scooter, skateboard or basketball ring. Swimming gear and items for the beach also make great gifts for summer. A fun beach towel, swimwear and a few pool toys would be appreciated. You can't escape the lure of electronics, so ensure you include some board games and interesting books to provide screen-free entertainment options over the holiday season.

STOCKING

stuffing ideas: PUZZLES, TOOTHBRUSH, iTUNES VOUCHER, HEADPHONES, WATCH, SUNGLASSES, SOCKS CHAPSTICK, MARBLES, CARD GAMES

AGES 8-12

The brand new edition of the bestselling Ripley's Believe It or Not series contains over 1200 incredible, all-true, all-new stories from around the globe. A compelling read about the science behind some of the world's weirdest facts. $29.99

GALACTIC PUTTY

Heat sensitive, colour changing fidget putty stretchy, twisty, bouncy fun! $9 tigertribe.com.au

UNO EMOJI The same beloved UNO but now with a fun Emoji twist! $10, Big W

Pokemon Guess Trainer $29, Big W

From the bestselling author of World War Z comes Minecraft: The Island, the first and only official Minecraft novel, and the story of a stranded hero who must survive this harsh, unfamiliar environment and uncover its secrets. $22.99

Moochies 3G is the first Australian smartwatch especially for kids. The wrist-worn mobile phone comes with an inbuilt SIM card and touch screen and combines GPS tracking with voice calling, text messaging, a pedometer and other fun features that kids love. www.moochiesforkids.com.au $139.95

popsockets.com.au $15.90 springfreetrampoline.com.au

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spring 2017

www.gopro.com

gift guide

GoPro Hero from $148

for

teen

Kenzo Totem $69

BOYS

SCOOBY DOO

AGES 13+

STOCKING

DOLUT stuffingOBIS ideas: VOLU

AFTERSHAVE, SKIN CARE, ficim usanMOVIE TICKETS, CASH, dust harcit BLUETOOTHfaceperia SPEAKERS, voluptatibu PHONE ACCESSORIES, 230$ NOVELTY FLASH DRIVE, WALLET

www.razor.com.au

T

eenage boys are well on their way to becoming young men, so avoid 'toys' and opt instead for gadgets, music and sports related presents. The gift of an experience is a great idea - movie tickets are always appreciated (extra points for Gold Class!) or for the more adventurous, and depending on their age and your budget, consider joy flights or flying lessons for a once in a lifetime experience.

A magazine subscription is a gift that keeps on giving all year. If they have already developed a clear passion for something such as photography or cooking, this is easy. If you're unsure, think music/television/celebrity or purchase a gift voucher so they can choose for themselves.

EMTEC 16Gb novelty USB $12.95 Big W

Punch UK Laundry Bag $69.95

TRIUMPH & DISASTER TRAVEL KIT Ensure he is fresh faced, clean shaven and well prepared for the path ahead. $59

MINI ARCADE MACHINE 240 games of built in Retro Brilliance. $54.99

Pro-Tec Classic Skate helmet $79.99

Step into the future of riding with the all-new Razor Hovertrax 2.0 smart balancing electric scooter $499, www.razor.com.au

spring 2017

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31

gift guide

www.glamourmakeupmirrors.com.au

for

teen

GIRLS

GLAMOUR MAKEUP MIRROR

AGES 13+

This Hollywood inspired mirror will make her feel like a star! $399

P

Urban Decay Naked Vault Palette 3, $65

articular tastes are starting to develop in this age group and it can change daily, along with their bodies, so remember if you're buying clothing to keep the receipt in case you are unsure of the size or style – or better still, give them a voucher to their favourite store so they can choose and try on for themselves. Jewellery makes a special Christmas gift and a charm bracelet is a great option, giving young women an opportunity to personalise the gift to suit their own sense of fashion and tell their story as they add to the collection over the years.

2018 Everyday Planner $19.99, Typo

PANDORA TOUCH OF ROSE COLLECTION

A unique metal blend with a beautiful blush hue, charms from $79, www.pandora.net

Featuring heartthrob after hunk after beefcake, this activity book is jam=packed with gorgeous guys and fun, silly games, quizzes, love poetry and more. If he's cute and famous, then there's a high chance he's here in this superb colouring book that will make her heart melt. www.giftsaustralia.com.au

Mattel Harley Quinn 6 inch poseable action figure, $18.99

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APPLE WATCH SERIES 3 $459

Hot Guy colouring in book illustrated by Mel Elliott, $19

spring 2017

gift guide

HP Sprocket portable instant bluetooth printer, $199

STOCKING

stuffing ideas: BUBBLE BATH, FACE MASK, TOOTHBRUSH, JEWELLERY BOX, DREAM CATCHER, HAND CREAM, CHOCOLATES, PHOTO FRAMES, NAIL POLISH, CANDLES, JOURNAL, NOVELS

LUSH BATH BOMBS

Fresh handmade cosmetics from $6.50

www.clinique.com.au

HOW MUCH is TOO MUCH? DO YOU FOCUS ON ONE BIG PRESENT OR SEVERAL SMALLER ONES? A good rule of thumb is:

SOMETHING YOU WANT, SOMETHING YOU NEED, SOMETHING YOU WEAR, SOMETHING YOU READ,

Clinique Happy Gelato Set, 60ml $55

and

SOMETHING TO SHARE

for the whole

Connect as a family over game night fun. Combined with an app on your phone or tablet, Shuffle is the new generation of interactive card games offering a modern tweak to classics such as Twister, Monopoly, Guess Who, Trivial Pursuit, Cluedo, Connect 4 and more. $19.95 each, www.shufflecardgames.com

FAMILY TO SHARE

Powered by Google, this voice-activated personal assistant is ready to answer any question, play any song and help tackle family life with schedules, reminders and much more. $199

spring 2017

Pass the Pen is the world's fastest drawing game. With the pen tip disappearing as you play, you only have 10 seconds to draw while the other players guess. $39.95, exclusively at Kmart

B

ig ticket items that benefit the entire family are sure to be a

hit long after the festive season is over. From the basic trampoline to an extravagant family holiday, something shared can bring loved ones closer together. It doesn't have to cost the earth though - fun board games that can be played by all ages will have the kids putting down their devices and enjoying quality time with the family.

Apple TV from $199

www.sa-teen.com.au

33

parenting teens

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS SEXTING

by MICHELLE MITCHELL

Recent research suggests that 49% of young people have sent a sexually suggestive image and 67% of young people have received a sexually suggestive image1.

L

et’s take away two things from these statistics - Sexting is a serious issue and also a very common one. If your daughter has sent a nude image remember she is not the only one who has done so, and it’s not a mistake that she can’t bounce back from. It can actually teach them a huge amount of resilience and selfprotection if dealt with properly.

While some teenagers say that sending a nude image was exciting and thrilling, there is no such thing as safe sexting. The consequences of this type of sexual experimentation can’t be ignored and there is definitely a gender bias when it comes to this issue. I often see girls’ reputations damaged in a split second while guys walk away relatively unscathed. I see girls humiliated, violated and at times even blackmailed with nudes. The digital footprint that potential employees can now uncover (for relatively little dollars) is very concerning.

If you suspect your daughter might be sexting, simply ask a very direct question (without a lot of warning or lead in time). “Have you ever sent or received a naked picture?” A direct question gives a teenager zero wiggle room. It also gives parents the best indication as to whether their daughter is lying.

Once you know what you are dealing with you can respond thoughtfully.

Most parents will feel a sense of shame or anger when they find out their daughter has sent a nude. I have seen parents absolutely torn apart when

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they found out that their 12-year-old sent a nude to a 15-year-old boy. It is a normal, protective and healthy reaction.

However, when a parent transfers this emotion to a teenager it doesn’t help.

Process your emotions away from your daughters so you can be as positive as possible when you are with them.

Lots of constructive talking to a young person goes a long way. This will help them reflect, evaluate and learn from the experience.

Sometimes girls show a range of strong emotions including anger, shame, grief and loss and are feeling the weight of their poor choices.

Other times they aren’t taking things as seriously as their parents are. I have heard a lot of girls say, “It’s no big deal” to which I sometimes wonder if things just haven’t caught up with them yet.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEXTING. THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS TYPE OF SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION CAN’T BE IGNORED...

Keep as many positives in their lives as possible. Unless there are safety issues to consider, don’t limit her access to her friends or her usual positive activities. You also need to reinforce your need and desire to protect her by saying ‘no’ to potentially dangerous environments or making any changes you need to ensure her safety. One example that comes to mind is if sexting has happened in a teenager’s bedroom at night, perhaps social media needs to have a shut down time and remain out of her bedroom.

spring 2017

teens

THE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS CAN WE RECOVER NUDE PHOTOS?

When it comes to recovering nudes, you can do your best but there is no guarantee that you (or the school or even the police) can retrieve or delete them. Schools and police may carry a bit more weight when it comes to retrieving photos but even then, there are no guarantees. It depends where they have gone once they have been sent.

WHAT ARE THE LEGAL ISSUES OF SEXTING?

When teenagers sext, it is a criminal offense because it creates child pornography. It is illegal to ask for, take or create, receive and keep, be in possession of, send or upload a sexually explicit image or video of anyone under the age of 18, even if they are your boyfriend or girlfriend and even if they approve of you doing so. The penalties can include jail sentences and sex offender registration. The police may choose to charge youth with a less serious crime, send them to youth counselling, give them a warning or caution or let their parents or school decide on the consequences. Police are more likely to press serious charges when the incident involves harassment or threats.

WHEN SHOULD PARENTS CONTACT THE POLICE?

Definitely contact them if your daughter is in any danger, being bullied or threatened or if an image has been spread without her consent. Many parents go to the police in the hope they will be able to retrieve photos, which in some cases police will assist with and other times they are unable to. Authorities see thousands of cases of teenage sexting and are most concerned about young people’s safety. They do become very active when bullying or blackmail is involved with sexting.

WHEN SHOULD PARENTS CONTACT THE SCHOOL?

Schools must report incidents of sexting to the police and they will have their own internal policy on associated punishment like expulsion or suspension. It may only be necessary to disclose an incident of sexting if it is likely to become public, impact their education or you needed the school’s help to retrieve photos.

WHEN SHOULD PARENTS CONTACT OTHER FAMILIES?

I personally would be very cautious about contacting other families but this is my opinion. I also need to say that every situation is different but I imagine your daughter needs you on her team right now and it is critical that parents parent their own child not everyone else’s. If there is a need to contact another family my guess is that the incident would be serious enough for the school or police to be involved and therefore you could leave that job to them.

PARENTING TEENAGE GIRLS IN THE NEW NORMAL Lee, M., Crofts, T., McGovern, A., & Milivojevic, A. (2015). Sexting and Young People.

Criminology Research Grants. Criminology Research Council.

Retrieved from: http://www.criminologyresearchcouncil.gov. au/reports/1516/53-1112-FinalReport.pdf 1

spring 2017

Michelle Mitchell is the founder of Youth Excel.

For more great parenting advice, check out Michelle’s new book “Parenting Teenage Girls in the Age of a New Normal” (Ark House $24.99), now available at all good book stores. Visit www.michellemitchell.org

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35

the big issue

How to talk to your child about suicide

BY DR RACHAEL SHARMAN

It’s hard for parents to know whether, or how, they should address suicide with their children. Rachael Sharman, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of the Sunshine Coast sheds some light on a sensitive subject.

U

nfortunately many lives are touched by suicide. And while you may want to hide the means of death from your child, this may not be possible, especially in the age of social media. This has provided a modern difficulty for practitioners in the field, and it may be hard for parents to make sure their child is getting the information they need and in a way they can understand and cope with.

The problem of suicide contagion (especially among young people, and those in rural areas) is well documented. That is, once a young person takes their life, this may increase the risk of others in their network doing the same.

How then should you discuss suicide with your child?

The first thing to consider is their age.

WHAT TO SAY TO A CHILD UNDER TEN YEARS

A

t this age, children legitimately may not understand that death is permanent “can we ring him in heaven?”, “who’s going to feed Nana after she’s buried?” are typical questions from kids this age. They likely won’t understand the concept of suicide either - and on balance it’s probably not constructive to introduce a topic that may be well above their heads.

However, should someone else tell your child about a suicide, and they seem to somewhat grasp it, you should be prepared to discuss it. A good rule of thumb is, if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to know.

In terms of what to say, the simple truth will suffice.

"Mr X was very, very sad and didn’t want to live anymore, but when people get that sad, their brains don’t work properly and they make bad decisions. Mr X’s family will be so sad about this (like we all were when Fido died), so it’s just really horrible for everyone when someone makes a bad decision like that..."

There is nothing wrong at this age with pointing out the “badness” or “wrongness” of Mr X’s decision. Children under ten are very black and white in their thinking, so avoid getting into complex arguments about possible shades of grey in these scenarios.

Fortunately, suicides in children under ten are extremely rare, so concerns of copycat behaviour are not as pressing.

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spring 2017

the big issue

WHAT TO CONSIDER WHEN TALKING TO ADOLESCENTS ABOUT SUICIDE 1. They tend to catastrophise problems in their life, and have difficulty understanding what is expected of them or what is available to help them 2. They do not have a complex or realistic view of themselves or the world they live in 3. Their identity is not fully developed, leading to less self-understanding 4. They legitimately lack the brainpower to foresee long-term consequences of their actions, especially in terms of how they might affect other people.

Instead they tend to live in the moment and are egocentric, impulsive and emotional in their decision-making.

I

n their case, discussing factual information about suicide is an excellent place to start. With teenagers you can discuss suicide as multi-factorial in its nature: people take their own lives for many different reasons, some have reasons that appear quite understandable (self-euthanasia in the case of terminal illness) others are totally baffling (no known condition or trigger).

In between those two extremes lie the common risk factors of mental illness, drugs, stress, and impulsivity.

Emphasising the transience or manageable aspects of these factors is important. Remind your teen that suicide is a permanent decision made in response to a temporary problem.

Avoid any hint of romanticising suicide, particularly glamourising the aftermath (how many people attended the funeral, the number of people who showed outpourings of grief on Facebook). Romanticising has been shown by some studies to increase suicide rates among adolescents. Conversely, presenting suicide in a factual light has been associated with a lower risk of imitation.

Importantly, let your teen know you are always there for them, how horrendous suicide is for those left behind, and help them to problem-solve their way to effective solutions to life’s problems.

HELPFUL CONTACTS AND WEBSITES FOR SUPPORT

I

f you've been affected by suicide, there are a number of organisations that can support you.

You might find it helpful to speak to a counsellor, either face to face or over the phone. Some people benefit from attending regular group sessions, which provide a chance to share their feelings with others who have experienced similar grief and loss.

Additional resources are also available online if you need further information or want to read more before speaking to someone.

LIFELINE 13

11 14

24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services .

www.lifeline.org.au

BEYOND BLUE 1300

224 636

Information and support about anxiety, depression and suicide.

www.beyondblue.org.au

KID'S HELPLINE 1800

551 800

Free, private and confidential phone counselling service for young people 5-25.

www.kidshelpline.com.au

This article was originally published on The Conversation.

HEADSPACE 1800 Dr Rachael Sharman is a lecturer and researcher in psychology, specialising in child/adolescent development.

Rachael has a long history in working in child-related fields including child protection, juvenile justice, disability, advocacy and genetic research. Rachael remains committed to research that ensures children have the best possible chance to meet their full potential.

spring 2017

650 890

Youth Mental Health Foundation for 12-25 year olds. Information and services for young people, their families and friends, health professionals and schools.

www.headspace.org.au

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37

wellbeing

yes Eno

The keys to acquiring more ‘me’ time

BY EMMA GREY

As you can imagine, anyone writing a book while raising three kids ranging from 17 down to five, has a fairly full calendar. But Emma Grey has found herself with more spare time lately than she did 10 years ago when things were somewhat quieter. How? Just by using the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ more advantageously…

W

"

...I flapped around in a sea of self-inflicted over-commitment.

I had full-time work, young kids and was studying at uni, yet kept putting my hand up for committees and fundraising and fete stalls and classroom help as if I was on some sort of dare-devil mission...

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ith one daughter in Year 12, another in Year 10 and my five-year-old boy starting school, it’s fair to say things were hurtling along. It was first boyfriends, first broken hearts, part-time jobs, weekend sport, exams, assignments, House Captain duties, parties, university expos and information nights. Coming at us were four formals, two graduations, an 18th, a 16th, a 6th and planning the all-important gap year work and travel.

My 50,000-word book was due to the publisher in a fortnight and I was wrangling business travel, writing columns for various publications and helping my sister move house. But it’s the weirdest thing — I still had plenty of spare time.

A decade before, when I was writing my first book, Wits End Before Breakfast! Confessions of a Working Mum, I flapped around in a sea of self-inflicted over-commitment.

I had full-time work, young kids and was studying at uni, yet kept putting my hand up for committees and fundraising and fete stalls and classroom help as if I was on some sort of dare-devil mission to invent extra subject matter for the book. It was disastrous. I fell in a heap emotionally and physically.

I knew last year would be intense because important stages of life had converged for the three kids. My 15-yearold was in the chorus of the high school musical — and that was more than enough added drama for us. There was no need for me to create extra by flapping around being ‘badge of honour busy’.

spring 2017

wellbeing

  

so i said

Self care

yes

to:

With a weekly, unshakable commitment to the running/walking/coffee group I established a couple of years ago. I never miss it because the company of these women is balm to my soul.

Netflix and early nights

Because after a long day of working, I don’t need to cram in more work. I need to lie in a beanbag with my brain off and a cup of tea, escaping into a new season of something.

Fresh flowers and fancy soaps

Simple indulgences remind me to take care of myself amidst the excitement and stress of this full-on part of the parenting and career continuum.

  

The bigger the things we’re squeezing into our lives, the more room we need to make for them. The ‘old me’ would have been crying in the driveway, exhausted at the thought of another unnecessary evening meeting or commitment

and i said

no

to:

Helping out at kindergarten

I’m not changing the nightly readers or helping in literacy or maths groups or in the canteen. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, but not this year.

Social events

Not all social events, but any that felt like an obligation. If there is a hint of ‘should’ in the reason to go, it’s a ‘no’.

Controversy

Much as I enjoy vigorous online discussions, it’s a rabbit hole and it’s exhausting. So I invented an acronym for my online choices this year called YONGI. It’s my ‘Year Of Not Getting Involved’ and it is liberating!

I’d have taken on. This time, I saved my tears for the soppy montage of school photos at the Year 12 graduation — and left the drama to the experts.

Want help to TRANSFORM Relationships, Communication and Behaviour in your Family?

Call today to book your FREE initial session to see how Tree House can help your family.

0401 356 584

Ph: email: emma@treehousecounselling.com.au

Find us on FACEBOOK & INSTAGRAM

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39

RUBY WRITES

INDEPENDENCE DAY N

BY RUBY STEWART

ow I'm fifteen and nearing the end of year nine, it's less than three years until I will be classed as an adult by the Australian Government. Things have started to change in my life over the last couple of years, in the way that I have become more independent. I go out with my friends without my parents, I am responsible for my belongings (but let’s not talk about that missing PE jacket) and on Monday nights I often cook dinner for my sister and myself. It was a big step for my parents to allow

me some independence and I am sure that it will be similar for you and your teen.

Unfortunately, the world is not a place of unicorns and rainbows, there are so many terrible things out there and that is something that is important for your teen to understand, without becoming scared.

So what do you do? Do you cut the cord and send them into this problem – filled world in hope that they will blossom into independent adults? Well, no. It is

important that you and your teen both understand that independence comes with responsibility.

Responsibility can be a daunting subject for many teens. We already have stressful lives with making sure we do our homework and chores on time, participating in extra-curricular activities as well as trying to have some sort of social life, the idea of being responsible just doesn’t sound very appealing. However, if we ever want to be successful adults it is crucial that we learn to be responsible. I think that responsibility and independence go hand in hand.

Perhaps as a start, independence could be given out in small doses such as letting your teen go out with their friends alone for an agreed period of time. A great place for their first independent escapade is a local shopping centre, that they are familiar with. This way you can go to the shops too, grab a coffee or meet one of your own friends. The plus side for your teen is that shopping centres are so big it will feel like you aren’t even there, but they know that if they need you, you are close by and ready to help out.

Another thing you can do is try to boost their confidence. Confidence is a big part of becoming independent so the more you talk us up to ourselves the more confident we will feel in our own skin. But don’t go over the top about it.

The rewards of independence are immeasurable. So take a risk and give your teen some freedom. I think you will find that they won’t be the only one benefiting from the experience.

I go out with my friends without my parents and I often cook dinner.

At 15, Ruby has her sights set on a career in journalism.

Her loves include netball, softball, piano, reading and One Direction.

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spring 2017

parenting

"We need to learn to love boyishness with all its energy and intense emotions"

Turning BOYS into GOOD MEN

P

Everyone wants to raise their sons to be caring, warm and strong, but raising boys is not easy according to Steve Biddulph. Linda Vining reports.

arenting expert Steve are straightforward enough: playing about 14, his testosterone levels rise Biddulph says that rough-and-tumble games with young dramatically and he faces the challenge the nature of boys boys to teach them how to inhabit a of becoming a man. needs reclaiming and male body and learn to appropriately It's a challenge boys cannot meet recognising. "We need to express their energy and emotions without the help of good male role learn to love boyishness – with all its rather than be overcome by them. models and a wider community of energy and intense emotions."

Then there's teaching boys to respect mentors and male friends.

He encourages mums and Steve urged mothers dads who find boys a bit to identify good men in PLAYING ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE GAMES WITH YOUNG overwhelming to develop the community and show BOYS TEACHES THEM HOW TO INHABIT A MALE BODY a sense of fun while also her son what a good man AND TO APPROPRIATELY EXPRESS THEIR ENERGY AND being strong and clear looks like and what he about their values. The does that makes him good EMOTIONS RATHER THAN BE OVERCOME BY THEM message is don’t panic - this could be uncles, – boys are honest and simple and women and to 'honour tender feelings'. neighbours, teachers, and hopefully, respond to clear rules.

Biddulph illustrates three distinct his father. A growing boy needs a But raising boys is impossible stages through which he believes boys community of mentors and male elders without major input from their fathers pass. In the early years it's the bond to guide his passage to manhood. and other adult males. "Boys need with mummy that counts. men," he insists.

Then, around the age of six, a boy Dr Linda Vining's career spans teaching at all levels from early Being an engaged father is the first discovers he's male and he looks to childhood to university. She is a rule in Biddulph's five-point program dad - or the nearest approximation Fellow of the Australian College for boy-rearing, and one which implies - in order to study for the part. of Educators and a board member of the boys' school a degree of compromise for careerNonetheless, he doesn't discard his St Paul’s College Adelaide. focused men. The rest of his maxims mother. Finally, by the time a boy is

spring 2017

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parenting

7

TIPS FOR PARENTS OF MOODY

PRE-TEENS

BY KIRRILIE SMOUT, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Someone once said to me “I used to have two cheerful and positive children.

Now, at 11 and 14, they don’t stop complaining, they're always upset about something in their day…it’s depressing me! Where are my happy kids gone?"

The truth is, miserable pre-teens and teens are pretty normal. Here's a list of 7 things that I wish all parents knew about this stage.

1.

It’s normal for this age group to experience more negative emotions than they did when they were younger

Feeling miserable, frustrated, insecure and sad actually has a lot to do with thinking skills. When kids are younger they live in the moment. They are not particulary skilled at being able to predict the future, consider what others think of them and evaluate themselves or life in a negative way. However, once they get to the age of about 9 or 10, their ability to do these things improve (which is what we want, in many ways) which means they are more likely to experience more negative moods, more often. Hello, moody pre-teen.

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2.

Feeling bad is feeling bad – whatever the trigger.

When adults tell us about being upset about losing their job, or feeling stressed by workload - we feel sympathetic. These things seem to be "reasonable" causes of distress. But when kids tell us they are upset about losing an online game or a friend telling them they can’t play – often our sympathy is much reduced, because the causes seem trivial.

This is normal. Personally I find it really hard to empathise with my child when he misses out on getting the Pokemon card he wants, especially when I’ve just asked him to pack away the other 500 thousand he appears to have and enjoys leaving all over the house. As he tearily tells me about how powerful Jhuisola* is, and how much he wants him, every fibre of my being is tempted to shout “REALLY?????” and to invoke the dreaded “children in the third world have no toys" argument.

But I resist**. Because I know that feeling bad is feeling bad. Whether it is caused by what appears to us to be a “reasonable” trigger or not – the same neurological and emotional processes occur. Young people are experiencing

spring 2017

parenting

If your young person is being miserable with and around you more often than you’d like – try to take solace in the fact this means they trust you. They feel safe enough to let you hear their pain.

just as much distress as an adult - regardless of the triviality of the trigger. * I've made this completely up. But it should absolutely be a pokemon name. ** Okay, not always. Mostly.

3.

The “Snap out of it” approach is rarely helpful – and sometimes is harmful

In the business of life, it feels like we don’t have time for our kids to be miserable about getting a blue drink bottle instead of a red one. So we give them messages like “cheer up”, or “get over it” to save time and get things back on track. We also give these messages because we don't want our kids to be "soft" and we are believe we will make them more resilient by telling them to get over it. Also there is a "social pressure" in many parent circles which is disapproving of "soft" parents and this makes parents uncomfortable with anything other than "buck up".

Unfortunately, in my experience - telling kids to "get over it" rarely works. And in some cases it makes things worse.

If we repeatedly minimise, ignore and trivailise kids' and teens' suffering, they are in danger of getting these messages from us:

5.

Part of our job as parents is to help kids and teens find ways to help them improve their mood

Kids and teens need coaching in how to manage these negative moods which are descending upon them. They cant manage them on their own – and they need ideas, strategies, reminders and gentle encouragement to put them in place. Talk with young people about what helps them feel better. Get them to write a list of coping strategies and save it on their phone. Talk about what helps you when you are in a “bad mood”. Get them to notice the links between their mood and sleep, exercise and diet.

"I don’t have time for you” "It's not okay to be upset" "You are silly/wrong for feeling like this" Not suprisingly, these messages are not helpful. Research is starting to pile up that tells us that children and teens who get these messages in their younger years have a greater number of mental and emotional health issues as adults.

Instead, when children or teens express distress - we should empathise with them. This does not mean an over the top, dramatic and anxious reaction by parents which blows pain up. It is simply calm sentences such as: “Hey I’m sorry you went through that” “That sounds really annoying” “Oh no, what a pain” “I’d be really disappointed about that if that was me too”

4.

On the other hand – we don’t need to sit in misery with them for hours

The flip side of this coin is also important. Some parents I’ve worked with will sit and discuss a troubling issue with the young person for hours and hours. They will empathise, and analyse and listen without any boundaries for themselves. This is exhausting and unhelpful for both parent and teen alike. It’s okay to put some limits around how much a teen talks to us about their worry, frustration, disappointment and sadness.

spring 2017

Know a child/teen struggling with stress, self esteem, worry, motivation or frustration? We can help.

We have worked with hundreds of Adelaide families over the last 20 years. We help young people feel calm, confident, motivated and able to cope with life. Call us on 8357 1711 Parent and child/teen sessions available from $25 (with GP referral and health care card).

Or visit developingminds.net.au for free online help for supporting kids/teens.

We see families at Aberfoyle Park and Wayville.

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43

parenting

Take time to look after yourself. It’s hard – sad, disappointing, worrying – to be with your child when they are suffering. Be kind to yourself first – and then it’s easier to be kind to your child.

6.

It’s okay to ask for the positives

Often preteens and teens are quite optimistic and positive during the day and with others – but being around a parent might automatically prompt them to remember and think about the stuff they are unhappy about. In this case, in order for a parent to look after their own well being, it is quite reasonable to ask young people to tell you about some of the positives. Let them know that for your sake, you need to hear some of the things they are happy about. Come up with a “gratitude” exercise that everyone (parents, kids, teens) engages in. Make habits so that family members tell each other about the good and the bad about the day.

7.

Be on the look out for long periods of bad mood – and think about getting outside help

We know that at least 30% of teens will experience more serious mental and emotional health struggles through their adolescence. If a child or teen seems persistently down, worried and frustrated about many issues – it may be useful to get some outside help from a school counsellor, GP or psychologist.

Finally, if your young person is being miserable with and around you more often than you’d like – try to take solace in the fact this means they trust you. They feel safe enough to let you hear their pain. Not all kids/teens can do this. Also take time to look after yourself. It’s hard – sad, disappointing, worrying – to be with your child when they are suffering. Be kind to yourself first – and then it’s easier to be kind to your child.

Kirrilie Smout is a clinical Psychologist, a member of the Australian Psychological Society and of the College of Clinical Psychologists. She has a First Class psychology Honours degree and a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and has worked as a psychologist for over 20 years. Today Kirrilie is the director of Developing Minds Psychology, and works with children, teenagers and their families.

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education ADVERTISEMENT

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THE HEART OF THE CITY The city location enhances and extends the classroom

One of Adelaide's oldest private senior secondary colleges for students in years 10 to 13, Eynesbury Senior College is located in the heart of the city, enabling staff and students to take advantage of nearby facilities like the law courts, galleries, museums and universities. The city enhances and extends the classroom and gives a real life context to studies.

LIFE AT EYNESBURY SENIOR COLLEGE I LIKE THAT THE SCHOOL IS SIMILAR TO A UNIVERSITY

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SHANIA, YEAR 12 STUDENT

JACK , YEAR 12 STUDENT

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ynesbury Senior College encourages students to ‘think outside the box’ and use independent learning principles such as selfmotivation, self-management and self-evaluation.

REAL individual support

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and flexible timetables. One-to-one assistance is available from How has independent learning helped you?

INDEPENDENT Independent learning has helped me to grow I didn’t enjoy my previous school environment their teachers and mentors outside of class, and through the LEARNING HAS up a lot. When you finish school, you have to and teachers were more removed. I visited be independent, when you join university or Eynesbury on a recommendation and I am glad HELPED ME GROW a workplace. You have to be able to look aftercomprehensive wellbeing program, the Eynesbury Mentor I did. Moving to Eynesbury has helped me a lot.

Program. This ensures every student is offered the support they UPsupportive, A LOT yourself, be an independent learner and that’s The teachers are really especially Tell us about your experience moving to ESC.

my mentors. My grades have had a significant improvement since I moved and it’s nice to know that the support is there.

SHANIA Year 12

What is a Mentor?

what Eynesbury preps you for.

How do you find the teachers at ESC?

need to achieve their very best.

Flexible study options

The teachers are very warm and welcoming and always have an open door. All the staff are committed to their students and because they are specialised their areas, they are SHANIA, YEARin12 STUDENT passionate about their subject and they want How independent to help youhas understand it. Thislearning shows in helped their you? teaching and influences you as a learner.

Independent learning has helped me to grow up aalot.

When you finish with school, you have to You form special relationship your teachers because you do spend quite lot of be independent, when you joinauniversity or time together.

TheyYou are have so caring want a workplace. to beand able to look after to help you succeed.

When you succeed it’s a yourself, be an independent learner and that’s celebration for you andpreps your teacher. what Eynesbury you for.

Students come to Eynesbury for many different reasons and from many different locations around Adelaide, Australia and the world. They choose Eynesbury because of the wide range of subjects offered, the flexible university-like timetables, or because they feel that they don’t ‘fit the mould’ at their current school.

At Eynesbury, there is no ‘in’ crowd, bells, uniforms or prefects, so students can concentrate on getting the most from their studies. Individuality is celebrated, and once a student comes through the doors, they know they are an important part of the Eynesbury community. They quickly become immersed in the culture of independent learning and the College ethos of understanding, inclusivity and respect.

A mentor is provided through the Eynesbury Mentor Program A teacher is allocated to JACK , YEAR (EMP).

12 STUDENT a small group of students. Each week you have a Tellwith us about your experience moving lesson them which gives you time to talkto toESC. them and get advice on school, problems or they I didn’t enjoy my previous school environment just point you in the right direction in general. and teachers were more removed. I visited What do you like the culture atand ESC? Eynesbury on aabout recommendation I am glad I did. Moving to Eynesbury has helped me a lot.

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The support is just passionate about their subject and they want a allows small group students. week you UL, YEAR 12 here STUDENT you toof make lots ofEach new friends andhave a The you teachers spend so time in their to help understand it.much This shows lesson them which gives time to talk to amazing. learn morewith about cultures that youyou otherwise helping you and making sure you are on the hen did you jointhem Eynesbury and why? teaching and influences you as a learner. wouldn’t. and get advice on school, problems or they right path, they really want you to succeed as just point you the right direction in general. nesbury was recommended byinfamily form a special relationship with your muchYou as you want to. That’s the big difference What career pathway are you interested in? ends. We saw how highdo students achieved between Eynesbury andyou my do previous teachers because spendschool. quite a lot of What you like about the culture at ESC? I want to go into Medicine because I enjoy ademically, and that most students got into time together. They are so caring and want What do you want to do after school? helping people and it also combines my love of I like that the school is similar to a university. eir chosen course at uni. I joined Eynesbury in to help you succeed. When you succeed it’s a biology, chemistry.

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I would like to be afor paramedic and that is one of celebration you and your teacher. been amazing you in helping me with the subjects I The motivates to do well on your own behalf. the reasons I chose Eynesbury, because they are hat career areneed you in? tointerested do well in for my career pathway.

What do yoursciences. parents think about your teachers notice when you put in more effort and so involved in their move to ESC and how does it differ from your in turn, they’ll help you get to where you want. ant to do medicine because I genuinely love previous school? immersed rning about the Being human anatomy.in a multicultural school helps you engage with and learn about other cultures.

My parents are extremely happy with my move nesbury is really academically focused. my I feel that many schoolsAt are skewed towards and my grades have improved beyond better evious school spring wecertain had tonationalities. do lots of co-curricular 2017 I like that the diversity PAUL, YEAR 12 STUDENT ANNALISE, HYBRID YEAR 11/12 STUDENT with all the extra help. The support is just ivities, which I really formake my post here didn’t allowsneed you to lots of new friends and amazing.

The teachers spend soWhen much did timeyou join Eynesbury and why? about being a hybrid student. more about cultures you us otherwise hool pathway. Atlearn Eynesbury I can focus on that my Tell helping you and making sure you are on the

AT EYNESBURY I CAN FOCUS ON MY CHOSEN POST-SCHOOL PATHWAY

PAUL Year 12

MORE SUBJECT CHOICES MEANS MORE OPTIONS

ANNALISE Year 11

Pre-university specialist education

Eynesbury Senior College are proud of their consistently high Year 12 results. They are the outcome of a strong and satisfying partnership between students who want to learn and experienced, passionate teachers who are subject experts. www.sa-teen.com.au

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travel

Holiday with ALL your loved ones at Pet Let

CATS & CANINES WELCOME INSIDE! CLEAN, CONTEMPORARY, COMFORTABLE

D

isappointed at the lack of quality, modern and clean holiday homes that allowed pets INSIDE, Melinda and her partner took matters into their own hands 8 years ago, purchasing a waterfront property in Encounter Bay. “We set about finding a little beach house that we could enjoy ourselves, with a plan to rent it out as a pet-friendly holiday house when we weren’t using it.” Melinda said.

After a quick makeover, bookings took off from day one and the property was almost always occupied. Since they very rarely got the chance to use it anymore, they had to buy another one!

Pet Let grew organically through the addition of 1-2 properties a year for the next few years. Four years ago the couple moved to Encounter Bay full time and started managing other local properties, expanding their portfolio to include over 20 pet-friendly locations from Carrickalinga on the west coast of the Fleurieu to Goolwa on the south coast, including Encounter Bay, Victor Harbor, and Port Elliot.

A growing team of cleaners, launderers and gardeners pay extra special attention to ensuring that even though all of their beach houses are pet-friendly, you would not know it when you walk in the door.

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Lots of places say they are “pet friendly” when what they really mean is you can bring your dog (as long as it is small!) but you must leave it in the back yard! That sounds like “dog-tolerant” not pet-friendly! This is what “pet friendly” means to Pet Let: • Their properties welcome both dogs and cats!

• Your pets are allowed inside!

• All of PetLet's properties feature fully and robustly fenced back yards – with all potential escape routes blocked!

• Several water and food bowls for dogs and cats are supplied so you don’t need to bring them with you.

• They provide a quality “pooper-scooper” for quick, easy and sanitary disposal.

• Each property’s info pack lists local vet information and the regulations regarding Encounter Bay beach access for your dogs.

All you have to bring is your pet’s food and prepare to enjoy a wonderful holiday with your ENTIRE family!

PET LET BEACH HOUSES

PO Box 519 Victor Harbor SA 5211 Phone 0408.818.413

spring 2017

talking teens

The First Cut is the DEEPEST

BY JO BAINBRIDGE

I

www.talkingteens.com.au

recall how it felt as my son rested his sweet head on my knee, tears spilling down his cheek. I remember the warmth as I gently brushed his hair off his hot flushed face. He was in pain but there was nothing more I could do. You hold them and soothe them the until the worst passes. You do the best you can, but it still hurts to watch them in pain. Teething was a terrible stage.

Just the other day, I found myself again gently stroking the hair off my son’s tear soaked face, my hand on his shoulder as he shook with sobs into his pillow. Again there was nothing I could do to help him. No medicine, no words, no magic potion would take his pain away today.

It is something we forget to plan for as parents of teens. We try to be prepared for their first job, first driving lesson, first sexual experience. But are you ready for that inevitable first broken heart?

Today he was suffering his first broken heart.

My son’s first heartbreak knocked my confidence in being able to cope and support him through everything. I had become so used to seeing him confident and grown up, that when suddenly faced with this vulnerability and pain, so raw and open, it was confronting. It is easy to fall back on what I would do or want to hear in the midst of a broken heart, but it is important to stop and think about what my teen needed.

We know that time heals (or does it?) and that there could be a day when they do not even remember the person’s name, but I wager that most of us will acutely recall our first heartbreak.

SO HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN DURING A HEARTBREAK? This is one of those first experiences that could shape their patterns for dealing with extreme stress or trauma; so do not play this lightly. Dismissing the importance of this experience can be very damaging.

Avoid saying things like “You’ll get over it”. We know they will get over it, but really, not helpful at the time.

Do not allow your protectiveness of your teen to bring out a negative focus on the other person. The other person is someone your teen cared about deeply. They do not want to hear how you never liked her/him anyway. They do not need to have the concept of ‘hating on’ the other person as an acceptable fall back. Things happen for a reason and there is always two sides to a story.

Talk about how people change, people make mistakes, and people can grow and evolve. This is nothing to be criticized for. Teach tolerance of others and acceptance that people change and that is ok.

AVOID SAYING THINGS LIKE “YOU’LL GET OVER IT”. WE KNOW THEY WILL, BUT IT'S NOT HELPFUL AT THE TIME.

spring 2017

www.sa-teen.com.au

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talking teens

Giving your teen space is OK as long as it does not result in them withdrawing from family and friends completely.

Encourage time spent with their best friend. That’s what a bestie is for!

Provide a safe space to be hurt, angry, confused, and sad. It is ok to feel those emotions; they are normal, healthy and a pathway to acceptance and understanding.

Then there are things really only mum can do: cook their favourite treat (and not expecting them to eat it – who had an appetite when they were heartbroken?) Make their bed and place their childhood teddy on the pillow. All subtle but meaningful things to show you care.

It is important to show that we understand, that we care and that we are there for them. Re-enforce that they are amazing human beings that are loved by lots of people, not just us boring old parentals! It is also important to provide a form of normality in their life.

The first heartbreak can be as equally upsetting for us as it is our teen. Use this opportunity to reinforce kindness, even towards those who hurt us. Use this as an opportunity to show positive healthy ways to deal with stress. Use this as an opportunity to show your teen that you are there for them and that they are loved. Use this to validate your teen’s feelings and show them that tomorrow is another day. But most of all, respect that their broken heart is very real for them.

So my baby is hurting right now, but if I practice what I am preaching, I think he will be OK. The first cut is the deepest, but he is sure to love again.

Jo Bainbridge, founder of Talking Teens, is a mother of three teens, whom are all pretty cool individuals. Through Talking Teens, Jo supports parents to embrace raising teenagers with insight, involvement and a good dose of humour. www.talkingteens.com.au

PROVIDE A SAFE SPACE TO BE HURT, ANGRY, CONFUSED, AND SAD. IT IS OK TO FEEL THOSE EMOTIONS; THEY ARE NORMAL, HEALTHY AND A PATHWAY TO ACCEPTANCE AND UNDERSTANDING

Where the learning experience develops abilities for LIFE

85 Mawson Lakes Boulevard, Mawson Lakes SA 5095 (08) 8368 3311 admin@endeavour.sa.edu.au www.endeavour.sa.edu.au

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spring 2017

education ADVERTISEMENT

RELATIONSHIPS

make the difference at ENDEAVOUR COLLEGE There are many schools that offer excellent educational programs and have high academic achievement. What makes the difference? What sets schools apart? Endeavour College believes that the difference is relationships.

F

eeling connected to something bigger than themselves is a key factor for student success both academically and emotionally. Putting student learning first is about putting relationships first.

The school’s transition program begins a family’s journey. From the first interview where families meet the Principal, to structured events like family information sessions, transition days and Orientation days prior to students’ first official school day, the focus is on developing a connection to each new student and family that is joining not just the College but the Endeavour community.

THE MIDDLE YEARS (7-9)

Classes in the Middle Years (7-9) are designed so there is one core teacher with whom students develop a sense of connection. This relationship fosters further connections with peers and other teachers. Professor Ian Hickie agrees that “the inclusiveness issue is incredibly relevant” and suggests “people have the opportunity to make relationships.”

Opportunities to develop relationships are purposefully planned in each classroom. The College has developed a balanced curriculum, which provides students opportunities in core academic areas as well as subjects in The Arts, Health and Physical Education, Languages and Technology. Students are encouraged and provided with opportunities to join any of the extracurricular groups.

These groups allow students of like minds to come together, to share and develop their God-given talents. Whether it is Chess Club, a sporting team, Pedal Prix, a band, Choir, Coding Club or an overseas service group, students work together for success and find points of connection with students from all year levels.

Inter-year level role modelling and peer support start each morning with students and teachers gathering in Village groups for morning pastoral care. This student spring 2017

mentoring continues within extracurricular groups, inter-village competitions, awards and leadership opportunities. Younger students can see what is ahead of them and witness firsthand what achievement looks like.

THE SENIOR YEARS (10-12)

The Senior Years program works with students in years 1012, guiding them through subject choices and providing experiences that will assist them as they consider their future choices for study and career. These young adults are guided through the maze of exams and decision-making around future pathways to ensure that they are driven and dedicated contributors to society once they graduate. Nestled within Mawson Lakes between the industry Hub of Technology Park and the University of South Australia there are numerous opportunities to build relationships with outside providers.

Students become familiar with the university campus and facilities, and their wider community.

From the very beginning, the College has worked to foster a sense of community, to ensure that their students are cared for and supported through the formative secondary years. Though the school now boasts in excess of 600 students there is consideration and planning given to ensure that class sizes remain small, that students build relationships across year levels and that there is a mutual respect between staff and students. Endeavour College is a leading secondary school in the inner north, offering a quality education and supportive environment to nurture and develop your child’s potential.

Endeavour College starts your children on a journey that begins and ends with relationships - that is what makes the difference. www.sa-teen.com.au

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caREERS ADVERTISEMENT

REAL-WORLD COURSE THE TICKET TO

TRAVEL CAREER HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES AND CAREER SEEKERS CAN QUICKLY TURN THEIR PASSION FOR TRAVEL INTO A SUCCESSFUL CAREER THANKS TO HANDS-ON, PRACTICAL COURSES AT FLIGHT CENTRE TRAVEL ACADEMY

“F

light Centre Travel Academy is a leading training provider that helps students develop the specialised skills and knowledge they need in order to enter the competitive travel and tourism industry,” Travel Academy National Brand Leader Ashleigh Hunnam said.

“Run by a team of passionate industry experts from Australia’s largest travel group, Flight Centre Travel Group, the Travel Academy provides valuable, real-world insights needed to launch a successful career in travel,” he said.

“Delivered in conjunction with our partner Torrens University Australia, our Diploma of Travel & Tourism has been designed to provide graduates with a broad base of Travel and

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Tourism management knowledge and skills suitable both for entry-level employment and/or as a platform for further specialised study at Bachelor level.

The course is delivered through the flexibility of online study alongside hands-on classroom training days run in our national training facilities.”

“This means graduates are not just job-ready, they are highly sought after for their systems knowledge, practical sales experience and unmistakable enthusiasm for travel.”

“Graduates have gone on to successful careers at both Flight Centre and partner employers in the travel and tourism industry, including airlines, hotels, tour companies and cruise lines.

One of the many benefits of the course is that it falls under the Australian Government’s FEE-HELP scheme, meaning students can defer some, or all of their tuition fees, making it accessible to everyone. The Diploma of Travel and Tourism also forms the first year of a Bachelor’s Degree in Business specialising in Travel Management at Torrens University, so students may go on to further studies if they wish.

WANT TO KNOW MORE?

Flight Centre Travel Academy hold weekly information sessions in each state. Contact Flight Centre Travel Academy on 1300 369 649 or visit www.fctravelacademy.com for more information. spring 2017