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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
MAY 6, 2021
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TJH
Mother’s Dictionary C
C
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 a.m. too.
C
Defense: What you’d better have around “de yard” if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
C
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
C
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
C
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
C C
C
C
C
C
C C
C
C
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right. Independent: How you want your child to be as long as he does everything you say. Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
C
C
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M
Centerfold
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Verbal: Able to whine in words.
Whodunit: None of the kids who live in your house. Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a shmatta.”
You Gotta be Kidding Me! David goes on safari in Kenya with his wife, Stephanie, and his mother-in-law, Beth. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Stephanie awakes to find that her mother, Beth, has disappeared. Rushing to David, she insists on them both trying to find her mother. Sighing heavily, David picks up his rifle and starts to search for Beth. Soon, in a clearing not far from the camp, they come upon a frightening sight. Beth is backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large lion is standing facing her. Stephanie cries out in panic, “David, what are we going to do?” “Nothing,” explains David calmly. “Absolutely nothing, my dearest. The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it.”
