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whats your phobia?
According to our friends at PhobiaGuide.com the Phobia’s listed in the 1st Column on the left are the top Phobia’s that leave people scared, we’re not so sure thats an accurate list so we’ve picked out some other random ‘little known’ Phobia’s in the 2nd and 3rd Columns below! What makes your blood run cold?
PhobiaGuide.coms Top Phobia’s! Alektorophobia - Fear of chickens. Allodoxaphobia - Fear of opinions. Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched. Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women. Chrometophobia/Chrematophobia - Fear of money. Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns. Ergophobia - Fear of work. Lachanophobia - Fear of vegetables. Peladophobia - Fear of bald people. Theophobia - Fear of gods or religion. Vestiphobia - Fear of clothing.
Ailurophobia - Fear of cats. Alliumphobia - Fear of garlic. Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity. Belonephobia - Fear of pins and needles. Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors. Dipsophobia - Fear of drinking. Frigophobia - Fear of cold, cold things. Glossophobia - Fear of public speaking. Hylophobia - Fear of forests. Ichthyophobia - Fear of fish. Ligyrophobia - Fear of loud noises.
Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking. Neophobia - Fear of anything new. Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity. Ochlophobia - Fear of crowds or mobs. Ophthalmophobia - Fear of being stared at. Plutophobia - Fear of wealth. Pogonophobia - Fear of beards. Sesquipedalophobia - Fear of long words. Testophobia - Fear of taking tests. Xanthophobia - Fear of the color yellow. Zemmiphobia - Fear of the great mole rat.
Bar Room Jokes A Love Story I shall seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and control you. I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan. I will make you beg for mercy. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you and you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu A woman is like a pack of cards ...You need a heart to love her A diamond to marry her ... A club to smash her head in and a spade to bury the bitch! Five Secrets to Romantic Happiness ... 1. It is important to find a woman who is good at household chores, cooks well and can take care of the kids. 2. It is important to find a woman whom you can bring out for social functions. 3. It is important that she shares the same life goal and common vision as you. 4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and loves to have sex with you. 5. It is important that these 4 women never meet Husband says; “When I’m gone you’ll never find another man like me”. Wife replied; “What makes you think I’d want another man like you!” In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. It is well known... Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up. HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight? WIFE: That’s a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. Harry’s wife says, “Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?” He says, “No, our house isn’t blue.” You’re like my asthma – you take my breath away. Like dandruff – I can’t get you off my head. Like my car – you drive me crazy. Like dentures – I can’t smile without you. Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? A: “Be my Valenstein!” Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental! Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: A hug and a quiche! Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A; “I love you with all my art!”
READER CONTRIBUTIONS
A couple were out shopping, when suddenly the wife realised her husband is missing, so she phoned him asking, “Where the hell are you?” I fell into an upholstery machine today. Husband: “Darling, you remember the JewelBut it’s ok, I’m fully recovered!!! lery shop with that diamond necklace you fell in love with, and I didn’t have the money, but My friend once decided to stick an arrow in said, ‘Honey, it’ll be yours one day’?” the ground. I couldn’t see the point. With a smile, she blushed, “Yes I remember from Craigy Craigo that, my love.” Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke? Husband: “Well, I’m in the Pub next to that ... Joke. Joke Joooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkk- shop.” from Steve Procter kkkkkke. from Richard Sunday
this!
google the following words for some great links
Life’s too short for the wrong job
Trippy Paint-Spill Painting
10 Most Creative Ice Cube Trays - Oddee
Cat gets caught barking
The Virtual Piano .com
dmvA: blob VB3 - designboom
Article by Richard Sunday
How to Wake Up in the Morning
In the last issue of B&C we gave you some so place 2 or 3 around the room.
staying out clubbing til 3 or 4am, you know you’ll regret it when that alarm goes off, 5) BEFORE BED: avoid stimulants such as especially if you will still be drunk, feeling coffee, meals & alcohol before bed, 2 hours like death first thing will ruin your day. before bed, turn off your computer and read If you must go out ‘on a school night’ don’t a book, better rest means an easier wake-up. go crazy, make it a relaxing night instead of a noisy club and stick to just a few drinks 6) MORNING TIMETABLE: the hardest thing (don’t mix your drinks) 1) EARLY MORNING CALL: either ask one of your friends to give you an early morning call is leaving the warmth and comfort of your Here are some other great tips to keep or find a friend who you can call (maybe they pit, so once you get up have a routine to move you forward into your day - CURTAINS, your Nocturnal time more organised have the same ‘getting up’ problem) this and relaxing ‘support network’ gives you a responsibility SHOWER, RADIO, DRESSING, BREAKFAST ... to get up and keep a promise. 7) MAKE A HABIT: they say it takes 28 days Keep a large glass of Water next to your bed, to make or break a habit, so take the bull by nothing ruins falling back to sleep during the 2) GET THE RIGHT ALARM CLOCK: there are the horns, write your ‘wake up’ action plan night than having to fetch a drink. many different types of alarm clocks so it’s and out it into action, you’ll surprise yourself no good using the one on your phone that Program your Coffee Maker to have the brew beeps and you can’t hear it, look for a tradi- with the leaps you would have made in this ready for when you come downstairs to the tional ‘bell clock’ (like the one in the picture) time, well done! kitchen, make your appliances work for you! or get one that has a siren or needs a specific 8) LOOK FORWARD TO THE MORNING: If you way to turn it off. can treat yourself to something you like after Don’t use the snooze button, this is just getting up that will make it easier, maybe another way of procrastinating, open your 3) PLACE YOUR ALARM AWAY FROM THE start jogging, have a really healthy breakfast, eyes and stretch your arms, legs and BED: following on from point 2, place your alarm on the other side of the room to force spend some time in prayer or meditation and muscles, then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Rise :-) be ready for work without rushing round. you to get out of bed to turn it off. Work for yourself or work from home, less 9) STATING THE OBVIOUS !!! If you have to travelling in the rat-race and more time to 4) USE MULTIPLE ALARMS: you might need be up early, don’t spoil your slumber by organise your timetable and targets! extra alarms if you are a hardcore sleeper great ideas on how to get yourself to sleep at night when you are struggling! Following on from that, here are some great ways to wake up in the morning, we hope you find them useful.
Abdominal Crunches Made Easy 1) Lie down on the floor on your back and bend your knees, placing your hands behind your head or across your chest.
2) Pull your belly button towards your spine, and flatten your lower back against the floor.
3) Slowly contract your abdominals, bringing your shoulder blades about one or two inches off the floor.
4) Exhale as you come up and keep your neck straight, chin up. 6) Hold at the top of the movement for a few seconds, breathing continuously.
8) To add variation, bring your knees in at the same time you lift your upper body off the floor (full body crunch)
5) Hold at the top of the movement for a few seconds, breathing continuously.
7) Slowly lower back down, but don’t relax all the way. Repeat for 15 to 20 repetitions with perfect form for each rep.
9) To make it more difficult, balance on an exercise ball and increase the amount of repetitions !
Richard’s HOT MEATBALL PASTA RECIPE Follow this easy step-by-step guide to make your own Romantic homemade Meatball Pasta, serves 8-10 - ideal for home freezing. If you don’t want it spicy, don’t add the chillies or extra spices!
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[4] mix it all up with a wooden spoon (or clean hands) so all ingredients are well blended and ready for rolling!
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[8] Chop a couple more onions and Garlic (if desired) and pick out enough meatballs for your meal (my 15 balls will serve two)
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[1] Place 800g of Quality Mince in a large mixing bowl, slice and chop 3 Onions, 2 Garlic Cloves, 2 Chillie Peppers (optional) grate
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[5] pinch out a small chunk of your mix, cup your hands, press and roll out a meatball and pop it on a plate or tray
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[9] Get your wok, heat a little oil, add the Onions and the Garlic, after 2 minutes turn down heat and add the Meatballs! [10]
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Simmer the meatballs and sauce for ten minutes as the Pasta cooks, finally stir in some herbs of Basil and Oregano [12]
[13] Plate up your Pasta and add the required amount of Meatballs ladling the sauce over and around your Pasta, enjoy !
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3 slices of Bread into crumbs, beat two Eggs and add it all to the bowl with several squirts of Tomato Puree [2 & 3]
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3
If desired at this point add any extra spices such as Salt, Pepper, Ground Cumin, Coriander & Cayenne for flavour & extra heat!
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[6] My 800g mix made 61 balls, you can put most of these in your freezer and just make the sauce as you need it. The Sauce at [7]-->
[7] Add 2 tins of Plum Tomatoes to a jug, 2tsp Sugar, 1tsp Sea Salt, 1tsp Black Pepper, 1tsp Chilli Flakes stir well (tsp=teaspoons)
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Have a pan with your Pasta onstandby [9] (this will only take 10 minutes to do) make sure the meatballs are browning gently all
over then pour on your Pasta Sauce [11] boil the kettle and put the Pasta on at this point
THE LATEST WINTER 2011
60 Ways To Make Life Simple! When we were young life was easier, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is easy. It always will be. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the more we complicate things for ourselves. You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who frowned. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired. As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and a fell down. This happened several times. Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together. As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids. We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, bought things we didn’t need, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again. Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need. So let’s get back to the basics, shall we? Let’s make things simple again. It’s easy. Here are 60 ways to do just that: 1: Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate. 2: Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you. 3: Your health is your life, keep up with it. Get an annual physical check-up.
4: Live below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them. 5: Get enough sleep every night. An exhausted mind is rarely productive. 6: Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches. 7: Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on. 8: Don’t waste your time on jealously. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. 9: Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at. 10: Organize your living space and working space. Read David Allen’s book Getting Things Done for some practical organizational guidance. 11: Get rid of stuff you don’t use. 12: Ask someone if you aren’t sure. 13: Spend a little time now learning a timesaving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future. 14: Don’t try to please everyone. Just do what you know is right. 15: Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad. Take a jog instead. 16: Be sure to pay your bills on time. 17: Fill up your petrol tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry. 18: Use technology to automate tasks. 19: Handle important two-minute tasks immediately. 20: Relocate closer to your place of employment. 21: Don’t steal. 22: Always be honest with yourself and others. 23: Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible. 24: Single-task. Do one thing at a time and give it all you got. 25: Finish one project before you start another. 26: Be yourself. 27: When traveling, pack light. Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must. 28: Clean up after yourself. Don’t put it off until later. 29: Learn to cook, and cook. 30: Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
31: Consider buying and cooking food in bulk. If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking. 32: Stay out of other people’s drama. And don’t needlessly create your own. 33: Buy things with cash. 34: Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on. 35: Smile often, even to complete strangers. 36: If you hate doing it, stop it. 37: Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. 38: Apologize when you should. 39: Write things down. 40: Be curious. Don’t be scared to learn something new. 41: Explore new ideas and opportunities often. 42: Don’t be shy. Network with people. Meet new people. 43: Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. 44: Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded. 45: Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. 46: Drink water when you’re thirsty. 47: Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry. 48: Exercise every day. Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout. 49:Let go of things you can’t change. Concentrate on things you can. 50: Find hard work you actually enjoy doing. 51: Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become. 52: Follow your heart. Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires. 53: Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly. 54: Take it slow and add up all your small victories. 55: However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Accept this simple fact. 56: Excel at what you do. Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself. 57: Mature, but don’t grow up too fast. 58: Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are. 59: Build something or do something that makes you proud. 60: Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.
Shaun Lever Dancefloor Addict Paul Orwin - The Night Train
Possibly the last Oldskool tune not to be reworked but this chap does it in style keeping the feel of the 1996 original and just adding a nice technical twist and driving bassline that slots into most mainroom DJ’s sets. Definitely worth checking!
RJ & Pitbull - You Know It Ain’t Love (Remix)
Just when you were all sick of Pitbull shouting “Mr 305” over everything like a clever Pergeot car salesman he guests on this little gem that’s hot in the Us. Apply some big european remixes and actually this ones ace. Go for veteran producer Marcus Gardeweg’s rework some big uplifting tackle!
Sleeping IS Cheating - Faces
Unbelievable filth from the Leeds collective taking some haunting string samples and building into a bass drop heavier than Pat Butcher’s coffin. Very much in the same style as “Swaggaback” mentioned last issue this could be the way the electro & Jackin’ sound is going, just heavy no nonsense stuff!
Lady Ga Ga - Marry The Night
Funny how a record company can spend 50 grand on an A-list remix package yet the best remix came for free via Bootleg remixers Cosmic Dawn who take a pop record and turn out pure dancefloor magic with this instant girly anthem. It’s a great dancefloor sight to see girls punching air on the chorus, there’s not enough tunes like this and its funny it should come from gaga.
David Guetta - Titanium
His least commercial track, originally written for Mary J Blige but keeping the reference vocals from Sia instead leading me to think Mary J may do a Rihanna this year and make some house tunes (despite publically slagging the genre before). Titanium is lyrically quite good and there’s clues in the music that suggest he may have originally sampled a Police track and realised sample clearance was a bit too expensive. All in all, a welcome change for the richest DJ in the world Don’t forget you can add me on facebook for some ‘Geeky Tunage Chat’ and where to find me gigging over the coming weeks. check these tracks out on YouTube and look out for my articles in future issues of BARandCLUBBING Magazine! Shaun Lever
Tradelove - Pumbak
Although this is brand new you’d be hard pressed to tell the difference between this and Olav Basoski’s “Waterman” from 7 years ago. They both sample Sister Nancy’s reggae anthem “Bam Bam” and both sound fresh. Tradelove is producing some big funky tunes lately and its worth getting on his recent “Tumbia Too” track which has a passing resemblance to Samim’s Ibiza 2007 anthem “Heater” going towards dispelling the myth that you can only ever love one accordian house tune in your lifetime.
SINGLE OF THE ISSUE Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (Nicky Romero Remix)
The American idol star is back with an album of typical US fake rock chick shite but the remixes that have surfaced are out of this world so far. Stronger gets a full on dutch rework from Nicky Romero who takes this middle of the road pop song and treats it to a severe acid overload to create an instant dancefloor anthem.
CLASSIC TRACK REWIND Stonebridge - Put ‘Em High
I’ve recently resserected this tune in the absence of a good crop of house music. When this dropped in 2004 it pretty much signalled a change in mainstream UK clubbing styles with sweaty donks and sexy RnB moving out of the way for Hed Kandi style house tunes. With its catchy chorus and slidy deep bassline you couldn’t help but shake your feet to this gem. I hope we see days like these again soon cos I stand US Urban stars making Euro House for much longer.
Latest Movies! Chronicle
Perfect Sense
Three high school students make an incredible discovery, leading to their developing uncanny powers beyond their understanding.
A hit at Sundance ‘11 and winner of the Ediburgh Film Festival’s prize for Best New British Feature, the amazing genre creation directed by David Mackenzie stars Eva Green & Ewan Macgregor as witnesses to the end of the world
February 3
As they learn to control their abilities and use them to their advantage, their lives start to spin out of control, and their darker sides begin to take over. Compared to ‘Paranormal Activity’ but with Superpowers, shakey cam footage but an intriguing watch!
Good Deeds February 24
Wesley Deeds has always done what’s expected of him, running his father’s company, tolerating his brother’s misbehavior at the office or planning to marry his beautiful but restless fiancee, Natalie. But Wesley is jolted out of his predictable routine when he meets Lindsey, a down-on-her-luck single mother who works on the cleaning crew in his office building. When he offers to help her get back on her feet, this encounter with someone so far outside his usual circle ignites something in Wesley. This one good deed may finally spark his courage to exchange the life that’s expected of him for the life he’s always really wanted
February 10
... another round-up of the New Movies coming very soon to a Cinema near you ... Secret World of Arrietty February 17
Arriety is a tiny 14 year old that lives with her parents in the recesses of a garden home unbeknown to the home owner. Hidden from view, she only appears to ‘borrow’ food and items around the home.
A global panic causes strangers to form a romantic connection as the world caves in as their senses fail one by one!
One day a human boy, Shawn, comes to stay at the house and discovers her leading to a new and secret friendship.
Wanderlust
The Lorax
George and Linda are a stressed out Manhattan couple. After George is downsized out of his job, they find themselves with only one option: to move in with George’s awful brother in Atlanta.
The animated adventure follows the journey of a 12-year-old as he searches for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world.
February 24
March 2
On the way there, George and Linda stumble upon Elysium, an idyllic community populated by colorful characters who An animation from those that embrace a different way of brought you Dr Seuss with the looking at things. Money? It vocal charms of Danny Devito, can’t buy happiness. Careers? Who needs them? Clothes? Zac Efron and Taylor Swift. Very bright like you’re on an acid Only if you want them. Is Elysium the fresh start George trip but kids (and adults) will love it. and Linda need? Or will the change of perspective cause more problems than it solves?
Think Like a Man
Mirror Mirror
Casa De Mi Padre
Based on Steve Harvey’s bestselling book, Think Like a Man follows four interconnected and diverse men whose love lives are shaken up after the ladies they are pursuing buy Harvey’s book and start taking his advice to heart.
Mirror Mirror is a spectacular reimagining of the classic fairy tale Snow White - Julia Roberts as the Queen, Lily Collins as Snow White, Armie Hammer (The Social Network) as Prince Alcott, Sean Bean (“The Game of Thrones” as the King and Nathan Lane (The Lion King) as the Queen’s hapless and bungling servant, Brighton.
Armando Alvarez (Will Ferrell) has lived and worked on his father’s ranch in Mexico his entire life. As the ranch faces financial strains, Armando’s younger brother Raul (Diego Luna) shows up with his new fiancee, Sonia (Genesis Rodriguez) and pledges to settle all his father’s debts.
March 9
March 16
When the band of brothers realize they have been betrayed by one of their own, they conspire An evil queen steals control using the book’s insider inforof a kingdom and an exiled mation to turn the tables and princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win teach the women a lesson of their own. back her birthright in a spirited adventure comedy filled with jealousy, romance and betrayal that will capture the imagination of audiences the world over.
March 16
It seems that Raul’s success as an international businessman means the ranch’s troubles are over, but when Armando falls for Sonia, and Raul’s business dealings turn out to be less than legit, the Alvarez family finds themselves in a full-out war with Mexico’s most feared drug lord, the mighty Onza (Gael Garcia Bernal).
‘BARandCLUBBING Magazine’ likes to promote a Happy and Positive Lifestyle with the articles we publish, we do our best to source interesting articles that can stimulate your mind and help create a ‘Half Glass Full’ approach to life. If you think you can contribute short articles & written material we might consider for publishing, get in touch with B&C at: admin@BARandCLUBBING.com - get your work in print and provoke some positive thought :-)
Horoscopes by Yvonne Rae
Aquarius 21st Jan - 19th Feb A new awakening to opportunities
gig guide
Pisces 20th Feb - 20th Mar New faces, new places, for some
February
The Lions Bar, Market Street, Stalybridge
BOTH FEBRUARY & MARCH
Saturdays - DJ Mark - Chart & Dance & Cheese DJ Damo, Go Funk Yourself (in the den) Sundays - Showing All Sports, 8pm Movie and XBox Practice Thursday’s - DJ Gilly - Indie & Chart Friday’s - DJ MP Chart & Dance - downstairs DJ Kirk Jones with Seduction
(check out our advert on the back of this magazine) The Q Inn, Market Street, Stalybridge Friday 10th - Marcus Saturday 4th - Tony Auton Band Saturday 11th - The LadyPuffs Drag Act Saturday 18th - Rough Edge Saturday 25th - Phil the Fiddler Thursday 2nd, 9th, 16th & 23rd - Phil The Fiddler Every Monday - Quack with ‘Robin Sunflower’ The Sportsman, Mottram Road, Stalybridge
BOTH FEBRUARY & MARCH Saturday’s - Karaoke Night Friday’s - Karaoke Night
Rififi Nightclub / Amber Lounge, Market Street, Stalybridge
BOTH FEBRUARY & MARCH
Wednesdays - Golden oldies, Live Acts & Bands Thursdays - The Dex Factor DJ Competition 1st Friday of the Month - Swagger, Jackin House 2nd Friday of the Month - Oooshuaia with Frater & Stent 3rd Friday of the Month - Back 2 Love ‘House Classics’ Saturday Sessions - Glo, Old Skool, Foam & More! Sunday Nights - The Hangoverw Bangla City Restaurant / Grafton Street, Hyde Contact the Restaurant for details of the Acts that we will be booking for February and March, we look forward to seeing you very soon!
March
The Q Inn, Market Street, Stalybridge Saturday 3rd - Dale Saturday 10th - Carlo Sax Saturday 17th - Patterson Fogg Saturday 24th - Tony Auton Band Saturday 31st - The Humbuckers Thursday 2nd, 9th, 16th & 23rd - Phil The Fiddler Every Monday - Quack with ‘Robin Sunflower’
in your personal and financial matters will help you attune to new plans for achievement. Do not allow others to influence you in any way that might block you from making progress in what is after all a personal matter. Preparation is the keynote to success!
this may be the exciting challenge you’ve been waiting for, for others an obligation that has to be seen through and although it may not be to easy to deal with, live one day at a time, you are more valued than you realise. Look after your health and stay optimistic
Aries 21st Mar - 20th Apr Be prepared for many changes in this
next 12 months, be in the right place at the right time. Do turn up for that interview looking smart and informed. Be a good listener and do not be afraid to ask questions, how else can you learn whether this is the right opportunity for you to advance your future, be prepared for sudden changes!
Taurus 21st Apr - 21st May To help others you must also be in
good health and do not get drawn into other people’s opinions that may backfire as your fault This is not an easy time of the year for you and choose your mentors carefully, if you can’t keep a secret why should they? Stop worrying and start planning constructively!
Gemini 22nd May - 21st Jun Always remember though winter’s here spring’s not far behind Challenges always seem to be knocking at your door. It’s now that you have proved during the past year that you really can look after yourself that others must respect your views even if they do not share them, it wouldn’t do for all of us to be the same, so please be tactful!
Cancer 22nd Jun - 22nd Jul A new awareness is required of you
to keep everything smooth running. Your life could very easily cause you stress, as you may promise more than you can actually deliver. Do not worry over things that you cannot control, be positive over improving your situation and achieving results that will help everyone concerned!
Leo 23rd Jul - 22nd Aug Having enjoyed Christmas and New year,
you are now ready to get back into the swing of life, feeling optimistic about meeting new targets that will also improve your personal plans for a new and happier year Stay positive!
Virgo 23rd Aug - 21st Sept As the New year comes in, you will feel many changes around you that will affect your working and personal life. So long as these changes are positive ok, however do not be afraid to ask questions if the truth has been withheld Secrecy is not progress!
Libra 22nd Sept - 22nd Oct A short spell on your own, has shown you who you can really depend on and it is as though you are going through a change of attitude re-evaluating what is and what isn’t of true worth to you in relationships Without relationships, friendships or contacts life can be pretty lonely, Stay cheerful!
Scorpio 23rd Oct - 21st Nov Happiness does not have to be
conditional for you to upset others to get your own way, indeed it may amaze you that you might possibly enjoy life if you were not so keen to be in charge, others can be just as entertaining and spontaneous in their love real power is love, selflessness and the joy of peace of mind. Be happy!
Lions Bar, The Sportsman and Rififi (same as February Listings)
Sagittarius 22nd Nov - 21st Dec Work or personal life is going
Want to get your bar, pub, event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook or ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for more details! Professionally Designed Adverts, Great Local Distribution, Rates as Affordable as £5 per week!
Capricorn 22nd Dec - 20th Jan To be successful you have to
to be testing you, and you‘ll know your true worth, when clients accept a small increase in charges without complaint. Plans are in the pipeline for a new project which at the moment cannot be discussed .look carefully at your finances, not a time for wasteful spending! earn the accolades for hard work and consistency, you will find yourself restless this year as change is certain through many areas of your life and unavoidable, because of health issues You are advised to take care of your own health for you may be asked to help out! Stay positive!
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Bridgefield Curry Lounge - Stalybridge YOU MUST RING TO PRE-BOOK YOUR TABLE FIRST and bring this voucher This Voucher entitles the bearer to TWO Main Meals for the price of ONE Monday to Thurs Nights up to 31st March 2012 (not inc Bank Holidays) NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
The Curry Cottage - Dukinfield This Voucher entitles the bearer to TWO Main Meals for the price of ONE Valid until 31st March 2012
NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
Rififi/Amber Lounge - Stalybridge This Voucher entitles the bearer to 1 free shot* with your first main drink purchased - 1 per customer only Valid until 31st March 2012 * shot choice at managers discretion NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
Hollywood Bowl, Ashton Moss This Voucher entitles the bearer to 2-4-1 Karaoke Session in the NEW MyTunes Studio Karaoke Booth
* shot choice at managers discretion Valid until 31st March 2012
Valid until 31st March 2012 See our advert on page 9
NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
Violets are Blue, Bullets are lead, Take me back now, Or I’ll shoot you in the head!
This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.
Do you remember the night in the hall, I missed your lips and kissed the wall. Roses are Red, Carnations are White Ive been to the chemist how about it tonight! I wish I were a cigarette, rolled up nice and neat, every time you took a puff, your lips and mine would meet.
NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
This Voucher entitles the bearer to 1 free shot* with your first main drink purchased - 1 per customer only
I bought this Valentine’s card at the store, In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.
Roses are Red, Violets are blue Do you fancy an African Grey? Or a Cockatoo?
This Voucher entitles the bearer to 1 free shot of Cactus Jack or Sour Dragon with your first main drink purchased - 1 per customer only Valid until 31st March 2012
Rififi/Amber Lounge - Stalybridge
VALENTINE CARD RHYMES Rose are Red, Violets are blue Meet me at Specsavers For a right seeing to.
LIONS Bar - Stalybridge
You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class, Especially when I’m spanking, your biground-fat ass. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED
They both sat on the grassy bank, she was all ‘a quiver’, he undid her suspender belt.. and her leg fell in the river! If I were a cabbage I would break myself in two my leaves I would give to anyone But my heart I would give to you. I see your face when I am dreaming, That’s why I always wake up screaming.
Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so’s your ass.
Love is like a golden chain It binds two hearts together If you ever broke our chain You would break my heart forever.
You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life.
I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!
My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way
If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You What inspired this amorous rhyme? should check out the one that I gave to your Two parts vodka, one part lime. sister! we’ve been married 20yrs now Walnuts grow in Canada ,apples grow there Love may be beautiful, Love may be bliss, my xmas present was funny too,but it takes a place like Glesga ,tae grow a but I only slept with you, because I was the pressure cooker is a wow nut like you !!! pi**ed hope you love the bunny.