FEATURES!
WELCOME
to the June & July Issue of BAR and CLUBBING Magazine! We have another iPod Shuffle up for grabs for the creative among you, check out the competition on page 9 and using this magazine as a prop all you have to do is get your camera and shoot a fun picture!
Win an iPod Shuffle p9 Classic Gallery p12
REGULARS!
Check out the usual regular areas of the mag with fresh Photographs, Jokes, Upcoming Movies and Nights out for you to enjoy. We enjoy producing B&C Mag for Tameside and can offer you some great advertising deals coupled with discount vouchers and gig guide inserts inclusive. Our distribution is very good so please ask about our pick-up points and where we cover! Please see the inside back cover for our contact details !
Bar Room Jokes p8 Gig Guide p11 Latest Photo Gallery p14 Is that a Fact? p16 Movie Page p18 Shaun Lever Dancefloor Addict p19 Horoscopes p20 Discount Vouchers p21 Contact Us p23
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Steps to Improving your Life Memorise something everyday Not only will this leave your brain sharp and your memory functioning, you will also have a huge library of quotes to bust out at any moment. Poetry, sayings and philosophies are your best options. Constantly try to reduce your attachment to possessions Those who are heavy set with material desires will have a lot of trouble when their things are taken away from them or lost. Possessions do end up owning you, not the other way around. Become a person of minimal needs and you will be much more content. Develop an endless curiosity about this world Become an explorer and view the world as your jungle. Stop and observe all of the little things as completely unique events. Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. This world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it? Remember people’s names so that they feel appreciated and for your own future benefit when you want something from that person. To do this, say their name back to them when they introduce themselves. Then repeat the name in your head a number of times until you are sure you have it. Continue to use their name in conversation as much as possible to remove any chance of forgetting it. If you’re still having trouble, make up a rhyme about their name: “Dan the Man” or “Natalie flatters me.” Get fit! It’s ridiculous to think that we have one body, one sole means of functioning, and people are too lazy to take care of themselves. Fit bodies
lead to better health, confidence and more success with romantic endeavors. I’d say those are 3 very good reasons to get in shape. Learn to focus only on the present The past is unchangeable so it is futile to reflect on it unless you are making sure you do not repeat past mistakes. The future is but a result of your actions today. So learn from the past to do better in the present so that you can succeed in the future. Even more specifically, live in THIS moment. Even 10 minutes ago is the past. If you live purely in this moment you will always be happy because there is nothing wrong in this split-second. Smile more often Whenever you get a grin on your face, your brain is releasing serotonin, the happy hormone. Smiling is the natural way to force yourself to be happy. Many people even smile for five minutes straight in the morning to get themselves in a great mood for the day. It is a very powerful tool that is utilized less and less as we grow older and need happiness more than ever. Just remember that while happiness leads to smiles, smiles also lead to happiness. Drink water Hydration is tremendously important for overall health. Soda has absolutely ZERO nutritional content; it’s like pouring a punch of sugar and syrup into your cup. Instead, fill it with life-replenishing water. It may taste plain at first if you’re coming off of a heavy soda-drinking streak, but you’ll soon find yourself addicted to it. 10 glasses per day is optimal, how many have you been getting lately Read books No explanation needed.
Don’t take life so seriously! Learn to laugh at the little things and this whole “existence” thing will be a whole lot easier. Be amused by your mistakes and failures and be thankful that you learned your lesson and won’t mess up like that again. And most importantly do things that you enjoy! Life is not strictly business, it can be mixed with pleasure. Think positive thoughts When you find yourself thinking a negative thought, stop it immediately by any means necessary. Slap yourself in the face, yell something positive at the top of your lungs or jump up and down. Do whatever it takes to get back to a positive mindset as such is essential for continual happiness and success. Get in the sun Superman was completely re-energized when he flew out to space and soaked in some rays and you can do the same right outside your front door (if you live in a constantly dreary place, my apologies). The sun feels amazing: your entire body will be coursing with warmth and life Set aside a specific time to worry each day Ponder all of your problems and anxieties during that time so that they will not distract you during work or moments of pleasure. This way you can be extremely efficient with your time and avoid focusing on negative things as much as possible. If you get all of your worry out of the way and have the mental fortitude to keep from reverting back to them, you will be much happier on the daily. Be honest at all times Lies lead to nothing but trouble. Being known as trustworthy is an excellent trait to maintain and essential to having integrity.
Sleep less Fully adjusting to a new sleep cycle can take up to 21 days so don’t give up if you feel tired after switching to 5-hour nights. The “required” 8 hour/night is for normal people. If you’re reading THIS article on THIS site, you are not normal. So figure out how much sleep YOU really need and adjust accordingly. As enjoyable as sleep is, waking existence is much more fulfilling and efficient. IF this really sparks your interest, check out alternate sleep cycles with which you can be fine off of 2 hours of sleep per day Learn to lucid dream .. or to realize when you are dreaming so that you can control your dreams. Sleep feels good, but its rather boring and unproductive. With lucid dreaming under your belt, night time can be even more exciting than when you are awake. You can do anything: fly, travel to other planets, party with a celebrity, get intimate with your dream boy/girl, etc. Many lucid dreams have also reported being able to speak directly with the subconscious during dreams by demanding to be taken to it after becoming lucid. For those that know a thing or two about your subconscious, that is a BIG deal. Visualize daily It has been said and proven time and time again that what you focus on is what you get. If you complain all of the time, you will run into more of the things you complain about. The same goes for good things like health, wealth and happiness. So spend some time in the morning imagining yourself achieving whatever it is that you currently desire. Focus is key in this exercise, so choose a quiet environment where you won’t be disturbed. If you’re having trouble focusing and continually find that your mind has wandered to something else, read about meditation in the following life tip. There is a lot more to this concept, so check out other articles on visualization and the law of attraction online!
Meditate everyday for at least 20 minutes In this modern world where everyone is so connected to everything else via cell phones, TV and internet, most people rarely enjoy the beauty of silence. The ability to quiet your mind and relax your body is an art and skill that everyone should develop. Simply sit somewhere, preferably in nature, and focus on your breathing or try to think about nothing. This is going to be extremely hard at first! You might find it boring or just plain impossible to think of nothing, but you will get better and you will learn to love it. Postmeditation, you will feel extremely clear headed and.. well, just plain wonderful. The only way to really understand this sensation is to try it. Help others I’ll just give you a plethora of reasons why this is a MUST • Helping people has a ripple effect. If you help someone they will feel more obliged to help someone else, and so on. Pay it forward • You grow by giving and helping others. It can change you in ways you never expected • Your relationship with that person will become stronger • It’s the most fulfilling thing you can do on this planet. It not only feels amazing physically, you also feel like a good person • You might be able to call in a favor later when you need some help • Karma (if you believe in it) • Because there are more people in this world than just you Take a class in speed reading Books are full of information that can enhance your knowledge-base, vocabulary and yourself as a person. Speed reading is an easy way to get at this info faster so that you can have more time for other endeavors.
Start your day off right Wake up and set aside an hour for personal development activities (meditation, self-introspection, observing nature, etc.) Do the things that make you feel blissful, optimistic and empowered so that you can set a positive tone for your day. I guarantee that once you start doing this, your days will be more enjoyable and fulfilling. Today is going to be the best day of your life!
Figure out what your goals and dreams are So many people wander aimlessly through life simply go for whatever small thing they want moment by moment. Instead, decide what your perfect life consists of and begin to put the steps in motion to reach that place. The most satisfying thing in the world (yes, better than sex, much better) is overcoming a challenge and reaching a goal. We are the happiest when we are growing and working towards something better.
‘Life Tips’ taken from the website ‘High Existence’ by Jordan Lejuwaan highexistence.com
Bar-Room Jokes! Have I done a joke about Alzheimer’s yet?
Wife gets naked & asks hubby, ‘What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ Hubby looks her up & down and replies, ‘Your sense of humour!’ An elderly couple are attending cburch. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ‘I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?’ He replies, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’ A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?’ Granny replies, ‘ sod the pills! Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?! I went to a 42nd birthday party last night. It didn’t last very long… I’ve just had some bad news today… My Thai bride has been diagnosed with testicular cancer! Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night. After a couple of hours of amazing sex, Paddy says, “I wonder how the girls are getting on?” Sean Connery finishes some DIY. He takes a step back and says…”I’m very pleased with myshelf.” An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, “We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir.” I awoke in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed……..!!!! At first I was afraid ……..then I was petrified! I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread. - The birds were all over me!! A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?” She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, “I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit. When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
page 8
“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.” A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.” A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden.” The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.” A tramp asks a man for £2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?” The tramp said, “No.” The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?” The tramp said, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?” A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice “13. ......13.......13.........13” the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned ‘14.........14.........14 .......14.’ Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -look, my suit’s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes.” “You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss, obviously disappointed. “No woman can get ready in ten minutes.” Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ...” The man sighs and says, “It’s started ...” “You wouldn’t sleep with Angelina Jolie for a million pounds, would you?”, asked the cuddling wife. “Don’t be ridiculous”, said the husband. “How am I gonna raise a million pounds?” Q: What happened to the clock that fell into the sheepdip? A: It lost all its ticks
Win an iPod Shuffle Hello there readers, we have another iPod Shuffle (the new 4th generation) up for grabs in our Fun Competition Great for using at the gym jogging, skiving at work or even on the train!
left and above left: other entries from ‘Ian Hayes’ and ‘Julie Czorny’s pet dog why not enter yourself if you think you can do better??
For a chance of winning you need to get a photograph taken of yourself with this copy of ‘BAR and CLUBBING Magazine’ and either email it to rick@barandclubbing.com or upload your photo to facebook and tag in ‘BAR and CLUBBING’ (search barand clubbing) and tag yourself too! We will pick a winner based on creativity, humour and originality, entries to be in before 30th June with the winner being contacted and published in the next issue (August & September) so what are you waiting for? - get creative and get snapping! Pictured Above Right are the winners from last Issues iPod Competition Tony Harrison & Family from Dukinfield ‘cramming up’ on local B&C action!
gig guide
Wednes 1 June
June & July Tuesday 7 June
Thurs 2 June
Friday 3 June
Saturday 4 June
Sunday 5 June
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
Pavillion bars
The Sportsman s/b
Dex Factor DJ Competition Grand Final
Karaoke Night
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
Monday 13 June
Tuesday 14 June
Tuesday 21 June
Wednes 22 June
Wednes 29 June
Thurs 30 June
Karaoke Night
Wednes 8 June
Thurs 9 June
Friday 10 June
Saturday 11 June
Sunday 12 June
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
Monday 20 June
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Wednes 15 June
Thurs 16 June
Friday 17 June
Saturday 18 June
Sunday 19 June
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
Lions bar
Monday 27 June
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Thurs 23 June
Friday 24 June
Saturday 25 June
Sunday 26 June
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition Bangla City - ABBA
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Sunday 3 July
Friday 1 July
Saturday 2 July
Lions bar
Lions bar DJ MP - main Lions bar bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
DJ MP
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
The Pineapple Johnny Sax
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
The Pineapple Ernie B - Reggae
Want to get your bar, pub or event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook, ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for details!
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
The Pineapple Stephen Kelly
Want to get your bar, pub or event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook, ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for details!
Tuesday 28 June
Lions bar
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
Monday 4 July
Monday 6 June
Indie Night in the Den
Tuesday 5 July
Wednes 6 July
Want to get your bar, pub or event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook, ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for details!
Thurs 7 July
Friday 8 July
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Saturday 9 July
Sunday 10 July
Thurs 14 July
Friday 15 July
Saturday 16 July
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
DJ MP - Theme Night ‘Go Funk Yourself’
Sunday 17 July
Monday 18 July
Lions bar DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
Monday 25 July
Monday 11 July
Tuesday 12 July
Wednes 13 July
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
The Sportsman s/b
Hare & Hounds s/b
Karaoke Night
Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Tuesday 19 July
Wednes 20 July
Want to get your bar, pub or event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook, ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for details!
Tuesday 26 July
Thurs 21 July
Friday 22 July
Saturday 23 July
Sunday 24 July
Lions bar
Lions bar DJ MP
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Wednes 27 July
Thurs 28 July
Friday 29 July
Saturday 30 July
Sunday 31 July
Lions bar
Lions bar
Lions bar
Indie Night in the Den
DJ MP
Lions bar DJ MP - main bar - ‘Go Funk Yourself’ The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night The Pineapple - Ignition
The Sportsman s/b Karaoke Night
Hare & Hounds s/b Karaoke Night
Bangla City Lady GaGa
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
DJ Gilly - Indie & Dance
Want to get your bar, pub or event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ? Contact ‘Richard Sunday’ on facebook, ring 07876 752 514 or email: rick@BARandCLUBBING.com for details!
errick Evans has seen a busy few weeks D since BARandCLUBBING Magazine gave you details of the last Charity Event for
Christies arranged by local lady ‘Angela Murphy’ and her ‘England Glamour Dolls’ Derrick has been fighting his cancer with a positive faith that he is going to beat it while encouraging everyone to stick to their guns with their fundraising!
Above: Derrick poses with some of the members of Christies HTU Department and Right: Derrick with some of the Christies Complimentary Therapy Team “ A BIG ongoing thanks to everyone that is supporting the fundraising and assisting me during this busy time, I can’t thank you all enough “ Derrick Evans
• You can still purchase ‘Derk’s Army TShirts’ from Jenny Quinn priced at £10 each by ringing 07931 474 977 • Derricks son ‘Ben’ will be running the 3 mile ‘Race for Life’ for Cancer Research at Heaton Park on Saturday 14th May • Kerry Chantrey has recently run the ‘Manchester Shine’ which was on Sunday 1st May • Jo Longson travelled up from Portsmouth to the Bridge Inn in Stalybridge to have her pigtails cut off and raised £150 - well done to all of you ! Angela Murphys last Charity Night was in Wigan, with more booked in and coming from Sheffield, Newcastle and Derby (watch this space for more details) • Join the facebook group by searching for ‘Derks Army’ online to get involved !
Is that a Fact? For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects Hawaii is moving toward Japan 4 inches every year Chimps are the only animals that can recognize themselves in a mirror Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent” The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change or if you live in Tameside two months!
DJ Patrick Holden, resident DJ at The Bridge Inn has been growing a beard from 14th February to April 24th (ten weeks) to help raise money for ‘Marie Curie’ and has only recently just shaved it off which has raised over £300 from donations while he entertains the punters in Stalybridge! “ my friend ‘Karen Green died at just 41 and I also lost my Mum to cancer so I decided to do my bit to raise some funds and awareness for the work that Marie Curie does “ Patrick is also doing the Manchester 10k run on 15th May “ this is a televised run and I hope to get spotted by a camera as I’ll be running in Superman under pants and top and my wife will be running as Wonderwoman! ” All-together Patrick hopes to raise £650+ and will take any extra donations that come in later You can ask for a friend request on facebook ‘Patrick Holden’ or catch him spinning tunes at The Bridge Inn!
Patrick on his last week with a ‘Half face of beard and Half Shaved!
Trivia & Facts One billion seconds is about 32 years An average American eats approximately 60 hot dogs per year
The most popular Hot Wheels vehicle sold is the Corvette A giraffe is able to clean its ears with its own tongue The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation Flu shots only work about 70% of the time The water displacement product, WD40, can be found in 80% of American 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = homes 12,345,678,987,654,321 Dexter is the smallest type of cow. This cow was bred to be a small size for household living
In 1908, the first machine to make lollipops opened for business in New Haven, Connecticut
As part of the original design, the names of 72 French scientists and other famous people is imprinted on the sides of the Eiffel tower
In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary named Jannene Swift officially married a fifty pound rock. More than twenty people witnessed the ceremony
The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com The most diners per capita in the world are located in the U.S. state Thirty to 40 gallons of sugar maple New Jersey sap must be boiled down to make just one gallon of maple syrup In Denmark, people eat about 36 pounds of candy a year. The highest The most frequent season for most consumption of candy of any country suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest num- Every year, kids in North America ber of suicides spend close to half a billion dollars on chewing gum A seven year old boy was the first person to survive the Horseshoe Falls The tuatara lizard of New Zealand has (Niagara Falls) in just a life jacket three eyes, two in the center of its head and one on the top of its head The WD in WD-40 stands for Water Displacer The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people Lachanophobia is the fear of vegetables The largest number of children born to one woman, who was a Russian Women hearts beat peasant is 69 faster than men In a lifetime, an average driver will One grape vine release approximately 912 pints of can produce wind inside a car about 20 to 30 glasses of In one trip, a honey bee visits about wine! 75 flowers Jupiter is the fastest rotating planet, which can complete one revolution in less than ten hours A group of crows is called a murder
The loss of eyelashes is referred to as madarosis
A chicken loses its feathers when it becomes stressed
India has the most post offices in the world
By recycling just one glass bottle, the amount of energy that is being saved is enough to light a 100 watt bulb for four hours Every second, 630 steel cans are recycled In 1916, Charlie Chaplin was making $10,000 a week, making him the highest paid actor of his time more fun facts in a future issue of B&C Magazine!
Latest Movies!
... another round-up of the New Movies coming very soon to a Cinema near you ...
Super 8
The Troll Hunter
Green Lantern
June 10th
June 10th
June 17th
In the summer of 1979, a group of friends in a small Ohio town witness catastrophic train crash while making a super 8 movie and soon suspect that it was not an accident. Shortly after, unusual disappearances and inexplicable events begin to take place in town, and the local Deputy tries to uncover the truth - something more terrifying than any of them could have imagined.
A scary, realistic mockumentary in the style of Cloverfield that focuses on a group of students who discover what they believe is a government conspiracy to keep the existence of trolls in the north of Norway hidden from the general public.
Bad Teacher
The Perfect Host
June 17th
Some teachers just don’t give an F. For example, there’s Elizabeth (Cameron Diaz). She’s foul-mouthed, ruthless, and inappropriate. She drinks, she gets high, and she can’t wait to marry her meal ticket and get out of her bogus day job. When she’s dumped by her fiancé, she sets her plan in motion to win over a rich, handsome substitute (Justin Timberlake) – competing for his affections with an overly energetic colleague, Amy (Lucy Punch). When Elizabeth also finds herself fighting off the advances of a sarcastic gym teacher (Jason Segel), the consequences of her outrageous schemes give her students, her coworkers, and even herself an education like no other.
Captain America The First Avenger July 22nd
July 1st
Warwick Wilson is the consummate host. He carefully prepares for a dinner party, the table impeccably set and the duck perfectly timed for 8:30 p.m. John Taylor is a career criminal. He’s just robbed a bank and needs to get off the streets. He finds himself on Warwick’s doorstep posing as a friend of a friend, new to Los Angeles, who’s been mugged and lost his luggage. As the wine flows and the evening progresses, we become deeply intertwined in the lives of these two men and discover just how deceiving appearances can be. With outstanding performances by David Hyde Pierce and Clayne Crawford, cowriter/director Nick Tomnay takes us on a suspense-filled ride where nothing is as it seems.
Another Earth July 22nd
In Another Earth, Rhoda Williams (Brit Marling), a bright young woman accepted into MIT’s astrophysics program, aspires to explore the cosmos. A brilliant composer, John Burroughs (William Mapother), has just reached the pinnacle of his profession and is about to have a second child.
Born during the Great Depression, Steve Rogers grew up a frail youth in a poor family. Horrified by the newsreel footage of the Nazis in Europe, Rogers was inspired to enlist in the army. However, because of his frailty and sickness, he was rejected. Overhearing the boy’s earnest plea, General Chester Phillips offered Rogers On the eve of the discovery the opportunity to take part in of a duplicate Earth, tragedy a special experiment… Operation: Rebirth. After weeks of strikes and the lives of these strangers become irrevocably tests, Rogers was at last administered the ‘Super-Soldier Seintertwined. rum’ and bombarded by ‘vita-rays.’ Steve Rogers emerged from the treatment with a body as perfect as a body can be and still be human. physical and tactical training program. Three months later, he is given his first assignment as Captain America.
In a universe as vast as it is mysterious, a small but powerful force has existed for centuries. Protectors of peace and justice, they are called the Green Lantern Corps. A brotherhood of warriors sworn to keep intergalactic order, each Green Lantern wears a ring that grants him superpowers. But when a new enemy called Parallax threatens to destroy the balance of power in the Universe, their fate and the fate of Earth lie in the hands of their newest recruit, the first human ever selected: Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds). Hal is a gifted and cocky test pilot, but the Green Lanterns have little respect for humans, who have never harnessed the infinite powers of the ring before.
Horrible BossesJuly 8th
For Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie Day), the only thing that would make the daily grind more tolerable would be to grind their intolerable bosses (Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston) into dust. Quitting is not an option, so, with the benefit of a few-toomany drinks and some dubious advice from a hustling ex-con (Jamie Foxx), the three friends devise a convoluted and seemingly foolproof plan to rid themselves of their respective employers...permanently. There’s only one problem: even the best laid plans are only as foolproof as the brains behind them.
Crazy Stupid Love July 29th
At fortysomething, straightlaced Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) is living the dream—good job, house, great kids and marriage to his high school sweetheart. When Cal learns that his wife, Emily (Julianne Moore), has cheated on him and wants a divorce, his “perfect” life quickly unravels. Worse, in today’s single world, Cal, who hasn’t dated in decades, stands out as the epitome of un-cool. Now spending his free evenings sulking alone at a local bar, the hapless Cal is taken on as wingman and protégé to handsome, thirtysomething player Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling). In an effort to help Cal get over his wife and start living his life, Jacob opens Cal’s eyes to the many options before him: flirty women, manly drinks and a sense of style that can’t be found at The Gap. Cal and Emily aren’t the only ones looking for love in what might be all the wrong places
Shaun Lever
Dancefloor Addict! Don’t forget you can add me on facebook for some ‘Geeky Tunage Chat’ and where to find me gigging over the coming weeks, check these tracks out on youtube and look out for my articles in future issues of BARandCLUBBING Magazine!
Time Takers
House of Pain
She Blows (The Whistle Song)
Jump Around
Some tunes are so inaccessible that it becomes their trademark. This is one of those, with whistling resembling a budgie deprived of twill, this urban ‘house crossover is set to be everyone’s holiday anthem. Definitely ASBO tackle here so don’t be too shocked if your neighbours have the police on speed dial for a while
House of Pain’s classic party anthem “Jump Around” as you’ve never heard it before mixed over an obscure Italian funky piano tune. It’s been my party piece for a few months now and with copies leaked out you can guarantee this is going to be huge everywhere this summer. It will get people dancing on tables oldskool style! I see it every night I play it!
Hardino
Lea-Anna Kisses
(Jump & Shake Bootleg)
If R’n’B artists weren’t trying to make bad European house music right now then this would cross over as a big dancefloor and radio bomb by now. By the looks of it, this may disappear into obscurity so I recommend a cheeky download of this for your iPod’s summer selection. Just a nice feel good female vocal ideal for beautiful warm days!
Beyonce
Running Right
Girls run the World
Damien Fernandez
I pretty much hate producers re-hashing oldskool tunes but Hardino has done something really original here. He has taken Chrissy Ward’s “Right & Exact” and re-built it around Basstoy’s “Running” to create an ace funky electro bomb. Definitely gets the party going does this one!
She’s back and this time she plucks for a winning format, ie taking Major Lazer’s “Pon Der Floor” and putting her own stamp on it. To her credit i’ve never heard a good vocal over that track and for Beyonce to write a fresh piece over it sounds like it should always have been there. An unstoppable summer winner here!
Dying This has been around a long time but of late i’ve seen this build from a small independent download on his own site to an electro anthem appearing as mobile phone ringtones and such. I think Mr Fernandez could well have the first real electroline crossover track here.
‘BAR and CLUBBING’ Classic Dance Anthem! Big Ang - Episode 4 aka It’s Over Now (2003) Released on possibly the poorest quality vinyl pressing, I found this festering in a record shop in Sheffield when I used to travel far and wide for records. From the first time I dropped it the dance floor went nuts! Instandly I got a black marker and scribbled the name out and hid it’s identify for 18 months before it was re-vocalled and signed to a major label. The amazing thing about this record is it crossed over to all sections of the crowd. A wicked piece of speed garage loved by the posh posers to the sweaty ravers, the young, the old. An all time winner that I still play out. Find it on youtube by searching for: Big Ang; Siobhan - It’s Over Now Available on the Clubland Classix Compilation Album too! (see right image)
page 19
‘B&C Horoscopes’ Gemini
22nd May - 21st June Your new year begins on your birthday and there is no reason to doubt, this is the time of year to capitalize on all offers of help. New friends as well as old, will show their true colours and this may be in the workplace or through your social life.
You will begin to see people in a fresh light, so try to keep your private thoughts and gossip to yourself. Use your charm!
Cancer
by Yvonne Rae
22nd June - 22nd July Summer is always a better time for planning your lifestyle, whether it’s family or new adventures, you are enjoying the feeling of not being tied to past obligations.
Leo
23rd July - 22nd August New and interesting friendships will develop this year, someone from your past will make contact with you and you will find that far from being stunned
You have transcended from feeling guilty to the realisation that you gave of you’re best so now is the time for happier new beginnings! Enjoy life!
You will begin to make new long term plans for more interesting times ahead! Be happy!
Libra 22nd Sept - 22nd October
Scorpio
You are also expected to cooperate with others so that a promise to clear some work issue will be fulfilled, once this is achieved a sense of accomplishment leaves you free to move forward!
This is the time to realise that using your initiative and energy can bring rewards in that will last into the future, be careful therefore that your decisions are for the right reasons as other people will be affected
Try not to be in control of everything, let others worry about you for a change take a back seat and become the observer. It’s amazing by listening how much you will learn!
Sagittarius
Capricorn
22nd Dec - 20th Jan Your sign is Cardinal meaning that you have to see something for your efforts. The most intense planet of all is Pluto and he has recently entered Capricorn, you will find yourself wanting to get things done or even doing a new type of work or hobby. Whatever you choose to do, try not to become involved in other people’s problems otherwise it could backfire and your efforts will not be appreciated. By all means open your mind to new horizons!
Aquarius
21st Jan - 19th Feb Destiny calls you to improve on your qualifications or presentation, your mind is ever active, so now is the time for you to show the world what a charming, clever person you are. Things may seem a little quiet at the moment but believe me, with your planet Uranus just beginning a new cycle in Aries challenging Saturn in Libra, life is never quiet for long. Whatever is in the planning stages now, may bring unexpected results. Be interested!
Aries
Taurus 21st April - 21st May
Virgo 23rd August - 21 Sept You are realising that this is a lovely time of the year for you and that invitations to join others will liven up your social calendar.
22nd Nov - 21st Dec Hectic demands on your good nature and time can leave you feeling slightly tired and work issues may leave you drained.
Time to look after yourself and prioritise your time so that you know that what you achieve is through calmness of mind and of your own choosing, stay positive!
Pisces
20th Feb - 20th March Neptune the ruler of Pisces, is now in it’s house of rulership .Neptune has many qualities. Pisceans are very sensitive people and some are extremely gifted in their work. some situations will need careful handling.
If you are doing exams then be extra disciplined and do double check your work. leave nothing to chance. Look after your health and be aware of what is going on around you. Keep a note of your dreams, some will have prophetic meanings!
page 20
The planets in your opposite sign of Aries are challenging you to get up and choose a new approach to life.
21st March - 20th April This year Aries has had many planets occupying her sun sign, and empowering though this may be, unless you control the energies given to you, they may be wasted.
23rd October - 21st Nov Not always an easy time of the year, because you are not having any effect on the persons you would most like to impress.
I wish I could find the answers to you’re personal major changes taking place this year, for some it is good for others you are finding life just too demanding it is not a year to be lending money or indeed borrowing.
There are changes being brought about through work If you can enjoy life without or studies and the more the need to get into worryyou are dedicated to expanding your knowledge ing situations then so much the better, spend time these opportunities will present themselves, yes be with your close family and friends!w involved. Stay happy!
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Riddle One
Riddle Three
I can fly like a bird, not in the sky, which can always swim and always dries. I say goodbye at night and morning, hi. I’m part of you. I follow and lead as you pass, dress yourself in black, my darkness lasts. I flee the light but without the sun, Your view of me would be gone.
A man was at a bar feeling poor he sees a rich man take 50’s out his pocket to pay the cashier.The poor man says to the rich man “I know all the songs known to man.” The rich man laughed and said,”I bet you all the money in my pocket that you can’t sing a song with my daughter’s name in it, Sarah Lee Greyson.” The poor man went home rich and the rich man went home poor.
What am I?
What song did the man sing?
Riddle Two
Riddle Four
Can a man living in the United States be buried in Canada?
I am always there yet you only see me in glass. I can talk but don’t have a voice. I move but not without glass. Sometimes I can be big or small, fat or skinny, and twisted up.
(all the answers found at the bottom of the inside back page)
What am I?
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check out these latest cool clips on youtube search with the ‘text’ under each screen-shot below!
Ultimate Dog Tease
Kung Fooled
Channel 9 Today Show
Volkswagen The Force
Jetlev Flyer
after watching this look at ‘Little Thor’
Britains got Talent
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Riddle Answers from p21
Your Shadow, It’s illegal to bury someone thats alive! - Happy Birthday Your Reflection (last part a Funfair Mirror)