Check out more photos on facebook.com/bathimpact Issue 1
Monday 23rd September 2013
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Lost and Found LOST: Fresher dignity. If found... please don’t return. FOUND: Life-size model of Tarzan from the 1918 film ‘Tarzan of the Apes’
Missed Connection Beautiful woman spotted Library level 2, stunning blue dress, well-placed assets, I really liked your toenail paint. Where did you get it? From Jane, Woodland B
Lonely Hearts Woodland girl seeks ‘chap’ from Eastwood for what I think they call ‘a bit of rough’. Punishing daddy for only getting me an iPad mini.
Bath just got a lot Fresher Well, class of 2013, you might have been here for less than 48 hours but mintyfresh has already heard a plethora of outstanding stories about Fresher escapades, mishaps and moving-in nightmares. Several of you are reported to have locked yourselves out of your own bedrooms within 30 seconds of walking through the door - are you sure you weren’t meant to be at the other uni? You know, the one that offers an entire course in Mixed Media Textiles? This, along with a young Eastwood resident who managed to lose his library card, ID, and room keys in the space of half an hour gives us nothing but hope for all of you. Deep-seated, sincere, hope. Still, that can’t have been as awkward as the conversations
overheard in The Plug. Finding out a random stranger is from the same city as you, great! Finding out that’s literally all you have in common, not so much. Remember, kids; you’re here to make new friends with people from far off places - like the North. Seriously, offer an olive branch to these poor critters; there is some culture here. You’re probably better off practicing your awkward introductory handshake and finding that one guy who’s really big on hugging. We bet you’re into that kind of thing. Nah, we’re just teasing. Really, we’re all jealous of your bumbling attempts at sweaty romance with strangers and your questionable clothing choices. Our Freshers’ Weeks seem like distant and very
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cloudy memories; our role here is to stand around and reminisce, poke gentle but loving fun at you, and wish we were still sprightly enough to carry our body weight in alcohol from the furthest reaches of the East Car Park to the heights of Norwood 9. Speaking of walking across campus; arrivals weekend has seen some serious confusion on Fresher faces. We’ve seen some of you getting directions to the place you just left, seen you checking bus timetables (bless, you’ll learn), and heard just about every bath, tub and plug related pun that the dictionary has to offer. You’ve got a great few years ahead of you, you beautiful little younglings. Enjoy your week; this is just the beginning!
Guy seeking guy for relationship to avoid awkward roommate. Double bed preferred but not fussy. Get me out of here!
If you could ght any character from history, who would it be? “Churchill, because everyone else is saying Hitler! Or maybe Jessie J.“ “BELLATRIX LESTRANGE!“ (from the Fresher who obviously isn’t studying History)
Could darkness exist without light?
“Yes, Dumbledore said so.“ (from that same Fresher who isn’t studying History) “Yeah, cos I can put a fucking lampshade in it“
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Today’s Timetable
Weirdos, dildos and libidos we’ll have to protect for legal reasons, against the wall of Eastwood 43. If you are affected by this issue then don’t worry, we at mintyfresh will, for a small fee, offer you counselling– and by counselling, we simply mean that we will laugh at you for our own amusement; our number is on the front . Speaking of people who may actually need psychological help, three girls in Solsbury took a rather innovative approach to making new friends. Rather than cook a meal together, play some drinking games or have a platonic orgy, they decided that the best way to bond with their new flatmates was cruel torture. They took three condoms, squeezed in a bit of conditioner and placed them in their flatmate’s bed. All this was accompanied by a love note from someone called ‘Tom’,
Fresher of the night
claiming it was the best night of his life. Things got slightly out of hand when the porter (who we must make it perfectly clear is not called Tom – stop watching so much porn, kids) had to be called to fix the room. Here at mintyfresh we’re just glad that there are now people on campus who are even worse at human interaction than us. Don’t worry though, it wasn’t just you guys making arses of yourselves. Your crew have been well represented in this area: this year’s ‘Worst Shepherd’ award has been handed out early after one crew member displayed exceptional ability in the ‘Fresher Loss’ category (the coveted ‘Top Shark’ is still up for grabs). Wherever Eastwood 19 and 20 got to, we hope you had fun. If we don’t hear from you by week one, we’ll start checking the local ditches.
Quote of the night
“
11am - 5pm Campus Challenge All over campus 7:30pm - 10:30pm Film night The Dark Knight Parade then 5W 2.4 8pm - 11pm Music and Magic The Plug and The Tub 9pm - 2am Launch Party Founders Hall “Show your colours!”
Hall of the night
“
Despite an impromptu fire alarm dampening your flaming libidos, Saturday’s surprise party still threw up (literally) a few classic tales. A girl in Norwood not only managed to limit her night to an impressively short tenure by consuming a fair amount of what we assume was literally anything, when she was ‘escorted’ back home by Security at 1BFA (Before Fire Alarm), they had the pleasure of discovering the girls sleeping companion under a pillow – a large black dildo. Whatever helps you relax. Over on the other side of campus, Ed and Abi of E40 rapidly became our new favourite Freshers by shamelessly promoting 1449AM URB’s outside DJ set. Regrettably, our opinion of Ed was dramatically lowered after his savage murder of a faced coconut, whose identity
10am - 12pm Wristband collection The Tub
I didn’t wee in the shower... I swear I didn’t
Anonymous Sombrero Man of Eastwood 37, a dedicated follower of fashion
A Cotswold 4 Fresher who doth protest too much
Eastwood B grabbed the first of these illustrious titles for their super-enthusiastic turn-out to U R Pre, our student radio station’s answer to who has the biggest, er, speakers.