Student Impact Issue 1 Vol 11

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Monday 28th September 2009 Volume 11 Issue 1 www.bathimpact.com

impact student

First increases student bus fares – again

Hunt is on for new course reps

Chris Wotton News Editor news@bathimpact.com

Chris Wotton News Editor news@bathimpact.com

BUS OPERATOR First has once again increased its fares to students following its Annual Fare Review. The firm, which runs the Bright Orange Bus between the University, the city centre and Bath Spa University, quietly announced the increase, which took effect at the end of July, using posters on buses during the summer vacation period when most students were away from Bath.

The hike sees all single journeys across the Bath network rise by five pence and return journeys by ten pence, taking a single between the University and city centre to £1.15 and a return to £1.80. The move widens the gap further between the Bright Orange Bus, which runs routes 18 and 418, and the blue U18 service operated by rival firm Wessex Connect.

The U18, which was introduced in May and represents the first real competition to the Bright Orange Bus, charges £1.00 for a single journey to the city centre and £1.40 for a return. Wessex Connect now also operates the revamped circular routes 20A and 20C. Both First and UniConnect also offer a discounted ten-journey ticket option and, while Wessex Connect has decreased the cost of its Uni10 ticket to £6.50, First has increased the price of its FirstTen Bright Orange from £8.50 to £8.70. No progress has yet been made by the Students’ Union and Bath and North East Somerset council to force the two operators to adopt a joint bus pass, which would allow students to travel on either service.

SU President Daniel O’Toole told impact that the SU had been

THE STUDENTS’ Union is encouraging students to run for election as an Academic Representative, for the chance to represent course mates in the new academic year.

Academic Representatives are a source of support for students on all courses in relation to academic matters, and sit on Staff-Student Liaision Commitees within departments, where issues relating to specific courses are heard and student representatives can make suggestions to staff of ways to improve the delivery of degree programmes.

Representatives also attend Academic Council, an SU committee

HIGHER FARES: First has increased prices despite new competition from Wessex Connect’s U18 service PHOTO: IDPS University of Bath 2009. consulted about the fares increase, with First blaming the hike on rising costs and defending the rise as in line with cost increases. O’Toole said that the competition provided by Wessex Connect was driving down the rate of First’s fare increases, adding: “It is estimated that over the past five years, First has managed increases in excess of 40%, while this year with the introduction of healthy competition from Wessex [Connect], this has been reduced to around 3%.”

The U18 was initially introduced on a limited timetable, starting later than the 18 and 418, and with the last bus running in the early evening. Apparently owing to its success, the service was extended to run later, and this was trialled with a free bus to and from campus being provided after 9pm for a limited period during the summer vacation.

A spokesperson for the UniConnect service told impact that its timetable had recently been further revised to include an extension of the service until 3.15am, ‘as part of our aim to deliver a service in accordance with stakeholder requirements’.

He added: “By operating numerous

student services at major universities we have gained an understanding of the key travel needs and wants of students. We have not overlooked the basics like friendly regular drivers, reliability, security and comfort – and of course, if providing low fare services mean students have more money to enjoy themselves then we are more than happy to oblige!”

First was not available to comment as impact went to print; The U18 service has also announced the total amount raised for charitable causes from its ticket sales. The firm, which pledged at the end of the last academic year to donate one penny from each ticket to charity, has revealed that since the service’s introduction in May it has raised over £770. Following a poll on the SU web site to select the most deserving cause, the cash will be donated to the Dorothy House hospice in Bath.

O’Toole said of the announcement: “The exciting reality is that this service will undoubtedly be used much more over the next few months, with students back in Bath, and therefore the money raised to donate to Dorothy House through RAG will

www.bathstudent.com during the first week of term, between Monday 5th and Friday 9th October. Voting will take place the following week, with results announced the week after that. Successful candidates will be rewarded with a free sponsored hoodie, and lunch is provided at all Academic Council meetings.

An Academic Representative from the 2008/09 academic year said: “Being a Rep has helped me in a number of ways: developing a variety of skills, enhancing my employability and increasing my understanding of how departments and the University work, while enabling me to network with other Academic Reps.”

VP Education George Charonis added: “Standing for Academic Rep is a great way to get involved with the

REPPING AROUND: Academic reps get down to business chaired by the VP Education, that also hears grievances and considers ways to improve the student academic experience.

Students wishing to stand for election should nominate themselves online at

SU, to give something back to fellow students and to make a real difference to the way your degree programme is run. It looks great on your CV and, with a free lunch thrown in, who could refuse?”

continue to grow. Hopefully this will also strengthen our links with the local community.”

Which service do you use? Will cheaper fares make you switch

providers? And will competition have a lasting impact on the quality of student bus services in Bath?

Send us your thoughts on Twitter - follow @bathimpact.

In impact this week...

The good doctor wins our special award...

Half Nelson review, with a twist...

“So, this skydiving lark...”

Science,

Ents,

Sport,

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IMPACT

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

News

student impact New 4W café opens is brought to you by...

Chris Wotton News Editor news@bathimpact.com

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THE NEW 4W Café opened on campus at the start of September, following months of building work which disrupted access to the Wessex House end of the Parade.

The café, which sits opposite the old Dolce Vita coffee shop it replaces, provides a large new social space for undergraduates, postgraduates, staff and visitors alike, in a modern new retail outlet with a tempting range of food and drink.

4W, operated by the University’s Hospitality Department and open five days a week from 8am to 5pm, offers a wider selection of sandwiches, wraps and salads than was previously available in Dolce Vita, along with an array of snacks, biscuits and cold drinks. A full menu of hot drinks is available at all times and paninis, toasted sandwiches, jacket potatoes, hot soup and a daily changing hot dish are also available at selected times throughout the day, along with a variety of fresh pastries.

Jane Loveys, head of Accommodation and Hospitality Services, said: “The new 4W cafe lounge offers a bright and modern cafe experience for students, with plenty of room to stretch out. Its combination of eat-in and takeaway service is already proving very popular with staff and we’re sure it will become equally popular with students in the coming months.”

The café, like other Hospitalityrun outlets, is now supplied with coffee by Tiki, and is organic certified as well as Fairtrade and recognised by the Rainforest Alliance. Loveys said it had been ‘a real hit’ with customers. Its sales also support the charity Coffee Kids and, in a further nod to greater social and environmental responsibility, a donation is made to charitable causes for every pack of recycled napkins used in 4W.

Two hundred and fifty promotional Tiki coffee cups were given to the last Dolce Vita customers before that unit’s closure, and the cups can now be exchanged for a free coffee upon presentation in 4W. 4W’s full café lounge area, which has 160 seats and should eventually have views of both the Parade and the lake and amphitheatre, is open between 9am and 5pm, while a takeaway service operates outside these hours. The lounge has been finished to a high standard with a soft-carpeted area and deep club chairs, and is expected to prove popular among students meeting for revision sessions, as well as for gatherings for staff.

The opening of 4W will bring some comfort to students who have long campaigned for the improvement of catering facilities on campus, particularly into the evenings. Last year students, helped by a front-page impact campaign, piled pressure on the Hospitality Department to improve declining standards in Parade Bar, with a Facebook group titled ‘The Parade Bar: What’s Going On?’ attracting almost 850 members, and 74% of students in a poll on the Students’ Union web site denouncing the provision of hot food on campus as inadequate.

The result led to a number of new hot food options being made available in the evenings in Parade

Bar, where a limited selection of pizzas had previously been the only option after 7pm. It also encouraged the Students’ Union to begin offering jacket potatoes alongside the Plug bar’s menu of pizzas and burgers.

Sabbatical officers have also since announced plans for the Union Shop in Norwood House to launch a takeaway salad bar, but pressure will continue for the availability of more and better food options later into the evening, with particular call from students who stay on campus to work late or to participate in club and society meetings. Loveys told impact there are currently no plans for 4W to open at weekends, as Dolce Vita once did.

Building work has already begun on the old Dolce Vita building.

Despite the University’s previous admission that building more offices facing directly on to the Parade was not the way forward, the space will be used this academic year for classes to be run by the English Language Centre, part of the Department of European Studies and Modern Languages.

Martyn Whalley, Director of the Department of Estates, added: “The ultimate plan for buildings and spaces facing on to the Parade at Level 2 is to use them for student services or as commercial outlets that provide a service to the University community.”

Plush: Soft chunky chairs seat 160 in the new 4West café

Fresher block completed on time Chris Wotton News Editor news@bathimpact.com THE REFURBISHMENT of two of the University’s on-campus residences has been completed in time for the start of term and the arrival of new freshers.

125 bedrooms in Quarry and Mendip terraces, located in the Westwood complex at the north end of the campus, have been stripped of their en-suite ‘pod’ bathrooms and completely re-fitted as part of works to complete refurbishment of Westwood accommodation.

Felicity Walker, Accommodation Operations Manager, told impact that while consideration had been given to keeping the ‘pod’ aspect of the blocks, the University was no longer able to source sufficiently

small factory-built bathroom units.

The blocks now provide ‘enhanced standard’ study bedrooms, including ‘the latest technological innovations such as flat screen monitors and upgraded telephone and data connection’.

Electronic access to the building has been introduced using students’ library cards, and brighter corridors, extra storage and more power and data sockets are also among the changes.

Walker added that additional noticeboard and whiteboard space has been introduced following feedback from students at the end of last year. Communal kitchens, which were refurbished in time for the start of the 2008/09 academic year, have not been further upgraded.

Improvements to the terraces have seen the University charge new undergraduates living in Quarry or Mendip the higher rate of £95.00 per week, a £17.00 increase on the £73.00 charged to students starting at the University last year.

Following the removal of the blocks’ ‘pods’, shower and toilet facilities are now communal, though at between 1:4 and 1:5 they offer a higher ratio of facilities than other standard blocks.

Rooms in Quarry and Mendip all have washbasins. High-rise Norwood House, which this year costs £76.00 per week, is the oldest of the University’s current student accommodation stock and has the lowest ratio of bathroom facilities.

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

IMPACT

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MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Features

The Amazing Bath Freshers’ Bible Sian Lewis Co-Features Editor features@bathimpact.com

So you are a fresher? You lucky young person (or mature student). I am here as a world-weary 21-year-old fourth-year to tell you to enjoy being a fresher as much as you possibly can. Seriously. Don’t stay in. Don’t sleep. Don’t be sober (unless you’re looking after your liver, of course).

Don’t be shy. Freshers’ year is the best year of most people’s lives, and it’s all downhill from here, kids, so get wrist banded up and make full use of the fact that your results don’t count - go out at night and then sleep in lectures. Here are some little nuggets of wisdom from myself and some of my lovely friends to help you on your journey.

Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for anything you do because I told you to.

1. If you’re drinking, it’s likely that you will get more drunk than you ever have before. This is okay.

You’ll figure out what your limit is, and there will be a weird gap in Freshers’ Week where you have no recollection of what happened between putting on a toga and

waking up in your kitchen with your friends trying to help you vomit in the sink.

2. Don’t feel bad about your friendships changing after the first week. You’ll meet people who seem hilarious/incredibly attractive/ amazingly like a Mighty Boosh character when you are inebriated, who are just idiots in the plain light of day. Delete their numbers from your phone and move on.

3. Its okay if you kiss people you shouldn’t. It doesn’t count, and they won’t remember you in the morning.

4. Avoid 2nd, 3rd and 4th years on the prowl, looking to “f**k a fresher”. They will have a desperate gleam in their eyes and will check your wristband before any other part of your anatomy. Run away! They are probably keeping tallies.

5. You will get Freshers’ ‘flu, it’s a rite of passage. Take medicine (Calpol is pink sugary goodness), mope a bit with your housemates and get over it.

6. Impact’s Editor-in-Chief Tim tells me that Irn-Bru has miraculous hangover curing properties, and is thus the most popular drink in Scotland.

7. Don’t wear just a bikini to the beach party if you are a girl (or

indeed a boy). You will freeze and people will attempt to untie the top and run away with it as their prize.

8. An anonymous source tells me that they don’t check who goes into the Freshers’ Fair, and you can thus visit this fantastic freebie-giving extravaganza many, many times for mini bottles of shampoo and loaves of bread.

9. My friend Pete recommends investing in a sandwich maker for making cheese toasties at 5am after a heavy night.

10. Start buttering up your cleaning lady now. We gave ours compliments and biscuits from day one and accordingly she didn’t mind when we built a jungle, complete with turf, in our corridor.

11. My friend Mark says: Never, never fall asleep in front of your friends. They will write on your face in indelible ink.

12. Wear nice underwear under your toga, and don’t throw your sheet away at the end of the night, as you can use it for any other bed-sheet related event.

13. If you are in Eastwood 25, room 9, please don’t buy and use a UV bulb as my friends painted very rude things on the ceiling in glowy pen. Please also never show this article to housekeeping as they may

chase me down and make me pay.

14. You’ll have mood swings.

You’ll cry and feel lonely and you’ll get so drunk you can’t feel your own face and you’ll hug people you don’t know and you’ll freak out a little bit at having to do your washing and cooking yourself. You’re all grown up now, it’s normal to be in a bit of shock.

15. And finally, watch out for

Politically correct guide to Bath Uni

Our roving anonymous contributor Felix gives you a fabulous intro to the lovely world of Campus. If you’re about 5 that is.

HELLO. UNIVERSITY is very BIG and very confusing. Isn’t it? This article will help you. An article is like a short story, but not madeup, unless it is political.

The big glass building in the middle of the University is the library. It has lots of books and computers, but not many stories about dogs.

Opposite the library is the lake.

It has ducks. It is against the rules to swim in the lake and eat the ducks.

The street in front of the library is called the Parade. It is only for people because it is very weak.

A car or an elephant would fall straight through onto the road below. This would only be funny for a short time, like toilet jokes or somone falling down the Norwood stairs.

Some buildings are named after what direction they are from the library. They also have numbers.

Odd numbers (1, 3, 5…) are in line with the library and even numbers (2, 4, 6…) are on the other side of the street.

East of the library is the Students’ Union building. You can say “The SU” for short. The SU means the people who look after students but are not their mummies and daddies. The SU building has shops and a bar. It also has all the Socs offices. ‘Socs’

is not the same as ‘socks’. It has nothing to do with feet. It is short for ‘Societies’, which means all the student clubs.

The newspaper is one club. They will let anyone write an article.

They are not proud.

There are two proper shops at the University, the SU shop and Fresh.

They have doors. The SU shop is cheaper, but it is not open as long.

Fresh is open longer and has a post office inside. A post office is what your grandparents used to send emails. How quaint!

Fresh is usually more expensive, but on Sundays they sell their old food for less money. Both shops sell cigarettes and magazines with naked ladies inside, but only Fresh sells alcohol.

The SU worries that students will

get drunk and go crazy. However, they sell the cheapest alcohol at University in their bar. Their bar is called Plug.

They are clearly very stupid. (Do not complain! Or maybe they will stop!)

The SU also has cheap condoms.

These are useful for shagging. Shagging is a grown-up kind of hopscotch. You can get these condoms from the AWARE office. AWARE are the friendliest people. They listen to your problems and give you free leaflets. My problems are “manifold”.

You will make lots of new friends at Bath. Some of them will even be Welsh!

Don’t forget to be polite. Don’t forget your towel. Good luck!

Felix has now graduated and is pursuing a PhD in political correctness.

the lovely impact crew including myself who will be out and about at the events taking pictures for our fantastic daily Fresher’s Week leaflet, MintyFresh. You’ll spot us because we’ll be the only sober ones (ed: not sure we all agree on this one) and it says MEDIA on the back of our t-shirts. We want to put you in MintyFresh, so please come and say hello/do a dance/flash us.

Love Food, Hate Waste New Government initiative Love Food, Hate Waste has got some very thrifty tips for making your hard-earned cash go further. More to spend on essentials like beer and Primark outfits.

1. Hoard: It’s worth keeping a stock of staple, long-lasting foods such as rice in the back of the cupboard.

2. Cook the right amount : Many of us waste food by overestimating what we need when buying and cooking food.

3. Plan ahead: Plan your meals and take a shopping list with you so that you only buy the food you will eat.

4. Use your leftovers: Any leftovers can be made into great new meals or why not take them for your lunch the following day?

5. Store food carefully: Keeping your fridge temperature between 1 and 5 degrees C will help keep things for longer. Store items such as fruit in the fridge to make them last.

6. Don’t forget to use your freezer! There are plenty of things that you can keep in your freezer including many things you may not have realised.

7. Know your food labels: The most important food label to follow is the ‘Use by’ one. Food which reaches its sell by date can still be eaten but may be past its ‘Best before’ date – the exception to this are eggs which should not be eaten after this date.

For more info, visit Love Food Hate Waste.com

Got random things you want to tell everyone about? Or think we are gobsmackingly wrong about various subjects? Please let us know!

Love Sian and Josie features@bathimpact.com

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

IMPACT

Foreign Correspondence

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Features

Our lovely columnists report on la vie en rose in Paris So I’ve been here a couple of weeks now, you’d have thought I’d at least have somewhere to live, right?

Whoever said moving to Paris was a breeze? Actually, no one probably ever said that. And if they did they were very wrong. I thought I’d have a flat by now but it’s not looking as easy as I thought; I can barely get viewing let alone an actual place to stay. Still, the great thing I’ve discovered about the year abroad for all you young ESML students out there, is that the camaraderie between Bath students abroad is second to none. And being in a city the size of Paris, there are quite a few of us here. Even people you’ve seen 100 times in lectures but never bothered to say ‘hi’ to will become your friend. You will meet up for coffee with them, you will go out for drinks with them, you may even sleep at their house while you find our own.

I should tell you something about me now. I’m not the most organised of people. This characteristic unfortunately doesn’t mix well with attending one of France’s best universities, which I am humbly attempting to do. So far it’s gone ok, I found the rooms quite easily, I can just about stop myself from day-dreaming through the two hour technical-French lectures and I managed to sign up for the seminar

Rebecca Stagg presentations I had my eye on.

However, after feeling nervous about simply signing up, I’m not that hopeful that the actual real thing will be that easy... basically I’m banking on the ‘she’s a foreign student so we’ll let her off’ vote... hmm… we’ll have to see how that goes.

In terms of my actual French, to sum it up I’ d say - minimal effort, not too bad result - basically I’m too busy trying to sort out my life here to make an effort to meet French people and as there are so many Bathonians around this is pretty easy to avoid the français at the moment. I’ll demonstrate.

Last Saturday night, I got a Facebook message from a guy on my course inviting me out for drinks with two other guys from Bath. I took Emma along and we had a great time - in a South African bar, speaking English to each other and checking out the captain of the Italian rugby team who happened to be in there at the same time. In short, the only French thing about my evening was the crepe au fromage I munched down on the way home. If I had somewhere to live, a bank account, a student card to use the library and less than 4 presentations and a 20 000 word dissertation to write by November, I’d probably be a bit concerned about this. One step at a time though I think...

Facing up to Swine Josie Cox Co-Features Editor features@bathimpact.com There is more to pigs than what meets the eye: In a particular German dialect, you are said to “have a swine” if you’ve been particularly lucky. The Greek goddess Demeter, kept a sacred pig with her at all times to promote fertility, and Manannan -- the Celtic God of the Sea -- had a magical herd of the mud-loving creatures, which renewed itself as soon as any were eaten.

Then, sometime last April, in a tragic turn of events and almost overnight, our snouted-friend’s reputation took a sudden brutal battering as the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that our civilization was teetering on the edge of a new pandemic. swine ‘flu. According to the government website about the new strain of influenza, swine ‘flu was first detected in people in the United States in April and then in Mexico and Canada. It spread from person to person in the same way as regular seasonal influenza viruses do, but the talk of it being highly contagious, spreading incredibly quickly or even being lethal have sent people all around

the world into a frenzy. Almost half a year after the WHO’s first swine-’flu related press conference, we are still being haunted by the suggestive coughs and sneezes, and its time to take a stock record of how serious the situation is. Is this really the end of the world as we know it?

“Certainly Something That’s Giving us Concern” Just this week, a rise in the number of English cases of the H1N1 influenza indicated that the start of a second wave of infections may be lurking. There has also been an increase in the number of swine ‘flu sufferers being admitted to hospital in recent weeks, with members of the public pushing for the widespread distribution and greater availability of a vaccine.

The vaccines produced so far have been very effective, WHO Director-General Margaret Chan said at the opening ceremony for the organisation’s annual Western Pacific meeting in Hong Kong this week. Nonetheless, swine ‘flu has -- particularly in Asia -- raised fears of a repeat of the 2003 Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) outbreak, which killed almost 300 people and

Gina Danielle Reay Being my first entry, I must inform you that I am amoureuse… in love. My new lover is interesting, fun, unpredictable, unlike anything I have ever experienced, not to mention HUGE. OK, you get the picture, I am indeed infatuated with Paris, la ville d’amour. I moved here for my placement at the end of June and I haven’t looked back since, enveloping myself in this new lifestyle, la vie Parisienne. It sounds like an episode of Sex and the City and I will try my best to sound less Carrie Bradshaw-esque, however I have to admit life, since I arrived, has been like a Hollywood movie, minus Brad Pitt with a few pervy French men thrown in!

I’ll be writing my column every fortnight to keep impact up-to-date on my adventures and hopefully to enlighten some passion in the hearts of Bathonians who will at some point embark upon a year abroad. It’s a scary prospect but an exciting experience.

I’m an MLES student studying French and Italian and after my stay in Paris I’ll be saying Buongiorno to Rome when I embark upon on an ERASMUS exchange.

I’ve spent the summer working hard at my company and playing harder outside of work, trying to experience everything this beautiful city has to offer, whilst the sun still shines. My

turned many once bustling cities into ghost towns.

“We don’t know whether this is the start of the next big wave that we were expecting this autumn but it is certainly something that’s giving us concern,” Chief Medical Officer Liam Donaldson told a news agency last week.

And Donaldson is not the only one who seems a bit concerned.

Last month, a planeload of Israeli rabbis and Jewish mystics held an airborne prayer meeting in the belief that it could help check the spread of swine ‘flu in Israel.

French managers have recently been speaking of banning ties in offices, a they promote the spread of germs, and many schools have introduced a kissing ban in the country of love. Chan has vowed to step up the preventative measures all across the world, particularly in developing nations, amidst fears that developing nations may not be able to afford the necessary medical treatment if the situation gets more acute. Just last week the United States and eight other developed nations pledged that they would make 10 percent of their swine ‘flu vaccine supply available to others in need.

“A Lot Less Paranoid About our Bacon Butties” But before we all begin snorting,

job is at a Digital Te le vision Software company and I’m teaching English here, a rewarding experience both in terms of seeing a student’s progress and of gaining some extra French vocabulary.

I am currently two and a half months into my six month placement and despite the early mornings, I never want it to end! I certainly prefer this to my duvet days and hungover lectures back in the tub!

I’m living in a little flat in the centre of Paris, the 13e arrondissement to be exact. It’s a sweet little three-room with a typical French micro-bathroom which is laughably small. I’m all settled in and have had an action packed three months made up of countless visits from friends and family (I’ve done every tourist spot at least 5 times!), a music festival, le Paris roller, days cloud-watching in the Tuileries gardens, nights dancing on tables at Chatelet and most recently a week in bed with swine ‘flu! What I love about Paris is you never know what’s round the corner (although you can usually assume there’ll be a boulangerie and a homeless person pretty close).

and surrendering to the virus under the pretext of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” it’s worth taking a minute to rationalize the true impact. Globally, out of a world population of about 6.8 billion, the number of people who have succumbed to the nasty ‘flulike virus is minimal. A drop in the ocean, a needle in a haystack.

“We need to get a grip. We need to get a bit less hysterical and a lot less paranoid about our bacon butties,” Telegraph journalist George Pitcher writes. And on top of that its an indisputable fact that swine ‘flu is, in fact, a lot less mild than the common influenza which descends on Britain and affects

millions every year.

Experts are also saying that severity of H1N1 does not even come close to that of other, more serious strains of ‘flu which have cracked down on us over the last century. Compared to the Spanish Flu, for example, which had thousands of people gasping for breath from 1918 to 1919 and infected an estimated 500 million people (a third of the world’s population), killing between 50 and 100 million, the current strain of ‘flu seems peanuts.

Reason enough to lean back, breath easy and just accept that - as the Germans so nicely say - we really have swine...

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

IMPACT

Arts

Hello from a Sabb HI. I’M Richard Butterfield and I am your Vice President for Activities & Development. I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome freshers, and welcome back returning students to the University, the Students’ Union and the dozens of diverse societies that we’re proud to support.

We have everything from Curry Appreciation to Knitting, including many cultural, departmental, faith and political societies. They will all be delighted to add you to their membership lists, with the ideal opportunity to find out more and sign up being the Societies Fair next Monday, 4-7pm in the Founders Sports Hall.

Before that though, you will be able to enjoy the Arts & Media Day – this Saturday, 12-7pm. A whole host of open rehearsals, workshops, demos, taster sessions and performances is planned, the idea being to give you the opportunity to ask questions, have a go and meet the people involved in running the wide range of arts societies and media groups. Why not have a go at breakdancing, try your hand at juggling and find

out what’s involved in running our very own TV station, Campus Television, or this newspaper you are reading right now, impact?

The event is being organised in partnership with ICIA, the University’s arts department.

ICIA programmes professional performances, events and exhibitions in music, dance, theatre and visual arts, as well as organising an exciting range of extracurricular workshops and classes during term time for you, the University’s students, to take part in.

Some of ICIA’s dance, music and visual arts tutors will also be around on the Arts and Media Day to answer your questions and let you have a go at painting, ceramics, contemporary dance and more.

So, I’ll let you go and enjoy your Freshers’ Week, but I hope you’ll find time to visit both the Societies Fair next Monday, and the Arts & Media Day this Saturday afternoon. I look forward to seeing you there!

Arts & Media THIS SATURDAY sees the return of the literally world renowned Bath University Arts and Media day. As with most organised daylong events, a lot of things will be happening, and I have the almost bearable task of telling you about them.

A&M day is the time when societies try and enlist impressionable freshers with a demonstration of what they spend little chunks of their life doing.

The times and venues of these are shown on the poster below; as well as these, there are some things

happening which are not well suited to poster format, as they need a few words of explanation: ICIA Visual Arts Tutors will be running demos and answering questions throughout the day.

BACKSTAGE TECHNICAL SERVICES (Backstage) will have a stand/meeting point in the Arts Quad and will run hourly tours of their Freshers’ Week setup in the Founders Sports Hall.

CAMPUS TELEVISION (CTV) will also have a stand in the Arts Quad and will run tours of the TV Studio every hour.

URB will be running a roadshow throughout the day from the Arts Quad.

IMPACT (the newspaper you are currently perusing) will have a stand in the Arts Quad all day.

Photosoc (photography society) will be hosting a small exhibition and doing demos throughout the day.

BATH LIVE ACTION & DRAMATIC ENCOUNTERS SOCIETY (BLADES) will be running workshops in the Arts Quad throughout the day.

BUMPS (music production society) will be based in the Arts Barn Mezzanine all day. Feel free to drop in any time.

Have fun and get involved!

Arts & Media Day Sat 3 Oct

from midday

free

Time 12.00 12.15 12.30

Arts Theatre Arts Barn

Arts Quad

Latin & Ballroom Club

Concert Band Street Dance Class

12.45 13.00 13.15 13.30

Theatre Society (BUST)

14.00 14.15 14.30

Contemporary Dance Class

15.00 15.30

URB (radio), Backstage Technical Services, Campus Television (CTV), PhotoSoc, Impact (newspaper), Bath Live Action & Dramatic Encounters Society (BLADES), BUMPS (music production society) SCA (Student Community Action) will provide refreshments – proceeds to charity.

Alley Barbers

Dance Society (Bodysoc)

Ladychoir

15.45 16.00 16.15 16.30

ICIA and the Students’ Union join together to bring you the best of the arts on campus.

As well as the timetabled events ICIA Arts Tutors will be running demonstrations & the following societies will run various activities:

ICIA Samba Band Musicals Society (BUSMS)

14.45 15.15

Orchestra Salsa Society

13.45

16.45 17.15 17.30 17.45

Circus Skills Society (Gravity Vomit)

Chamber Choir

Jazz Dance Class (TBC)

Choir

Music Soc

Gospel Choir (GASP)

Belly Dancing

17.00

Breakdancing

18.00 18.15 18.30

6

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Freshers’ THROUGHOUT THE week listeners can go to www.1449urb. co.uk to hear freshers’ updates every hour with what’s going on campus from those in the know; the FWEMS. This will be be 12 hours a day of uninterrupted audible pleasure of freshers’ coverage from our team of DJ’s.

URB will be on Parade weekdays 12-5 playing out pumping tunes

and interviewing freshers; so get your best radio voices on! On Thursday URB will be hosting two major events; down on the Amphitheatre from 12-4 URB will be presenting a selection of acoustic bands, and then at 5:30 URB presents a Societies Challenge special- our Quiz show with a twist- the twist being that it’s the same as University Challenge.

IMPACT 7

CCtv

Student Media

Join us

Welcome from

URB IS, as always, looking to start the year with some new shows, and fresh talent. If you think that might be you, or if you have a lot of free time and are prepared to hassle us until we accept you, pay us a visit in the office, and it might be you in the hot-seat, broadcasting your voice and associated noises for eager listeners

CTV

How To Listen:

Tune your radio to 1449AM or listen online at www.1449urb.co.uk

THIS IS your friendly Campus TV station welcoming you back to Bath.

We’re the people behind the camera, that you might see wandering about campus. It’s up to us to document your escapades, and ensure that there’s some way of remembering what happened the night before.

Look out for us during Freshers’ Week, and don’t be afraid to come and talk to the camera. Who knows, maybe you’ll spot yourself on the “reFresh” videos. Then, if you like what you see, don’t hesitate to come

and check out the other films we make throughout the year. We are always on the look out for new talent, be it in filming or acting; forget Richard and Judy, the next big star could be you...”

During every day of Freshers’, MintyFresh will bring you the gossip, drama and downright filth of the night before Brought to you by the impact team

IMPACT

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

28 September -18 October Mon.5th October Downtown @ PoNaNa Launch Party 10pm - 2am Neon Rave Tues. 6th October Glamourpuss 9:30pm - 2am Elements Wed 7th October Score 9:30pm - 2am Fri. 9th October flirt! Back to Skool 9:30pm - 3am Flirt! gets naughty Sat. 10th October Comeplay 9:30pm - 2am Sun 11th October Pub Quiz 7:30pm - 10:30pm Mon 12th October Downtown @ PoNaNa 10pm - 2am Wed 14th October Score 9:30pm - 2am Fri 16th October flirt! Pink Party 9:30pm - 3am Sat 17th October Comeplay 9:30pm - 2am

live Sports

www.BathStudent.com/entertainments

Club Nights

8

Mon. 28th September Man. City Vs West Ham (Premier League) 8pm Tues. 29th September Fiorentina Vs Liverpool (Champions League) 7:45pm Wed. 30th September Man. United Vs Wolfsburg (Champions League) 7:45pm Mon.3rd October Man. United Vs Sunderland (Premier League) 5:30pm Sunday 4th October Arsenal Vs Blackburn (Premier League) 2pm Chelsea Vs Liverpool (Premier League) 4pm Mon.5th October Aston Villa Vs Man. City 8pm (Premier League) Sat.10th October Ukraine Vs England Kick-off TBC (World Cup Qualifier) Wed. 14th October England Vs Belarus Kick-off TBC (World Cup Qualifier) Sat. 17th October Aston Villa Vs Chelsea (Premier League) 12:45 Sun. 18th October Blackburn Vs Burnley (Premier League) 1pm Bath Vs Stade Francais Paris (Heineken Cup) 3pm Wigan Vs Man. City (Premier League) 4:30pm

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

IMPACT 9

Comment

German Federal Merrymaking Josie Cox Co-Features Editor features@bathimpact.com THOSE HUNGRY for cutting political debates and campaign speeches speckled with accusations, allegations, and verbal attacks should probably make a generous detour around anything Germany-related over the next week.

It may be a big year for the once divided country - what with the 20th anniversary of the fall of its Berlin Wall - but this year’s run up to the federal election is dull.

There’s no denying it. So dull in fact, that many of its protagonists have taken to extreme measures in a desperate attempt to spice up the electorate’s life. In reality though, they have only succeeded in transforming the whole shebang into a giant farce.

One of the country’s popular comedians, Hape Kerkeling, has formed his own mock party which is “conservative, liberal, leftwing and a bit ecological” and is pushing for free cosmetic surgery for everyone.

The party’s vaguely familiarsounding catchphrase, “Yes, Weekend,” has sent comedy-

lovers roaring with laughter, and its plan to abolish the eagle as the national symbol and replace it with the “Federal Rabbit” has also been met with much glee.

Another mock party, “Die Partei”, joins the race this year for the second time: In the 2005 general election it won a grand total of 18,000 votes.

This year’s campaign posters have become so notorious that they’re usually torn down within hours - either by annoyed political rivals or by students who want to hang them on their walls. One poster shows two football players, one wearing the West German strip and the other the communist East German one under the slogan: South Africa 2010 - Let’s Take Two Teams to The World Cup!” What’s the Real Deal?

But what about the “real” politicians? Are they at least taking the bull by its horns and acting like adults? Nothing of the sort. After Merkel was snapped by the paps wearing a somewhat plunging neckline at the Oslo Opera house a few months ago, one of her party colleagues in Berlin used her boss’ breasts as

the subject of her own campaign.

Vera Lengsfeld’s poster features a photograph of her with Merkel in similar daring dresses. The slogan “We have more to offer” is plastered across Merkel’s chest.

Another female politician has opted for an über-dimensional photograph of her bum as the subject of her campaign. Clad in tight jeans, the pert buttocks promise to catch any passerby’s attention. A trampstamp reading “socialist” is stretched across her back - have a guess who she’s running for - and the accompanying caption aptly reads: “With my ass in my pants I’m going into government.”

But please don’t be disillusioned by the posters. Even if they do show sparks of creativity and streaks of tongue-in-cheek humour, they are perhaps the only thing that indicates the upcoming election.

In fact, if it weren’t for the thousands of posters lining streets and alleys all across the sixteen federal states, you might be forgiven for thinking that even the politicians have forgotten the election.

Some political commentators have suggested that the dullness

of the incumbent Angela Merkel’s campaign is all part of a cunning plan to deter opposition supporters from voting - a strategy that may well stop her opponent FrankWalter Steinmeier from winning, but also threatens to dent German democracy.

Even the CSU (the Bavarian sister party of Merkel’s conservative CDU) has said that it will be

distancing itself from Angie, probably repulsed by headlines like “Steinmerkel against Merkelmeier”, and accusations that the two represent more of a duet than a duel. Granted, they have worked together as part of the Grand Coalition since the last national election in 2005, but where’s the fighting spirit?

Thank god I can’t vote.

ANGELA MERKEL: She’s got some front

Do you know your ‘your’ from your ‘you’re’?

Emma Simmons Comment Editor comment@bathimpact.com SPELLING, GRAMMAR and punctuation are among the first things we study when we begin our education, and yet I find myself spending a large amount of my time being frustrated by the inability of people of all ages, professions and levels of education to construct simple sentences.

A quick scan of Facebook on any given day would give a wealth of

material to someone wishing to write a ‘Spot The Mistake’ English Language Guide.

People who make mistakes on sites such as Facebook may claim that they are just writing casual messages and so do not take time to check that their writing is free of errors. However I find myself questioning whether one should really even need to check to ensure that they have used their/there/ they’re correctly. Should it really require much thought to decide whether to use ‘your’ or ‘you’re’?

I for one am of the opinion that by the time a person leaves primary school they should have acquired a good enough understanding of the English language to automatically use such terms correctly.

Further to this point it is not just young people casually tapping away on Facebook who lack eloquence; I have received emails from lecturers (so-called ‘academics’) and official letters which have been somewhat less than perfect.

An online BBC article discussed the results of a Royal Mail survey taken in 2001 which showed that even successful firms often send out official letters which contain mistakes. The survey also found that poor grammar could be costing firms as much as £2bn annually in lost contracts as more literate bosses refuse to do business with companies who are unable to write letters which do not have errors. Can you blame them?

Why can’t we write right?

So, what reasons are there to explain why it is that the general population seems to have lost the ability to write properly?

The most obvious explanation

is the growing use of new methods of communication in which it is becoming the norm to use shortened, informal and abbreviated words and phrases.

Emailing, texting and instant messaging are all about speed. The aim is to communicate what you want to say as quickly as possible and this is ultimately achieved by minimising the number of keys one must press.

Young people are growing more and more accustomed to using ‘text language’ where abbreviations such as ‘btw’ (by the way) and ‘tbh’ (to be honest) are commonplace and people use ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ simply because it’s quicker to write ‘I hope your well’ than to take the time to hit the apostrophe key and write ‘I hope you’re well’.

As young people send texts and use MSN more frequently they become more used to abbreviating wherever possible. Hence when they then have to write an essay or fill out a job application they express themselves poorly, and let’s face it, poor grammar and spelling hardly create a great first impression with an examiner or a potential employer.

Some have argued that the English language is not actually

being ‘ruined’ by slack grammar and punctuation but instead they claim that it is simply evolving.

As language has changed in the past it will continue to change in the future. I can accept that we no longer use the same phrases as characters in Jane Austen’s novels.

However, I refuse to concede that I should sign off formal letters by writing ‘Thanx, C U l8r’ just yet.

And just to round off, here are just a few examples which have made me laugh/cry this week:

1. ‘John Smith is going to grab the ball by its horns. it may be a mistake but hay’ A friend’s Facebook status.

2. ‘Panini’s’ This gem makes regular appearances on signs and in menus, including the Alton Towers Brochure.

3. ‘I love my children but sometimes they do test my patients’ I also stumbled across this classic on Facebook. (All I can say is that I wish her children the best of luck learning to write! Unless of course she actually became a doctor and I just don’t know about it, in which case I apologise).

12 IMPACT

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Comment & Science

Money, money, money

Emma Simmons gives us her opinion on the latest plans for changes to student funding.

YET ANOTHER Freshers’ Week is here and across the country thousands of students are taking up their university places. As they do so they join returning students in eagerly awaiting the day when their loans land in their bank accounts.

This may not be the case by the time another Freshers’ Week comes around.

As you may have seen in the news in recent weeks, the Confederation of British Industry is calling for students to pay more out of their own pockets to finance themselves through university.

The government is set to review the student support system and there is a possibility that we could see tuition fees rise above the current £3,225 whilst interest payable on loans could also increase.

Even with the current levels of loans and fees, going to university is far from cheap and the prospect of getting into thousands of pounds worth of debt is enough to put some young people off.

So, if the government decides to put into effect the changes recommended by the CBI’s Higher

Education Task Force then the level of debt which students could potentially accrue over 3 years will rise further and many intelligent young people will simply not go to university because they (or their parents) cannot afford to fund it.

Such policies are clearly not conducive to the Labour Party’s previously publicised goal of getting 50% of young people to attend university.

Head of the National Union of Students, Wes Streeting, is challenging the proposed changes and has argued that “students are already leaving university with record levels of debt” and he adds that graduate job prospects are far from great at the moment.

Streeting’s comment led me to question just how high tuition fees could rise. They are already at a record high and yet the plan is to increase them further. Will fees simply continue to rise until only the very rich can afford to send their children to university?

Higher Education should surely be accessible to all young people who possess academic potential,

regardless of their family’s income.

And yet the CBI’s proposals (if put into practice) almost certainly signal the beginning of a slippery slope back to the days where only the children of the elite set foot in universities.

The CBI is apparently not alone in wanting tuition fees increased; a BBC survey found that two thirds of university vice-chancellors believe that fees should be increased to somewhere between £4000 and £20,000 per year (although for some reason these vice-chancellors were speaking anonymously...).

The review of university funding is due to begin this autumn and another topic which will be sure to be scrutinised is the variety of courses universities currently offer. Are business bosses right to suggest that universities should focus on more ‘economically valuable’ subjects such as engineering rather that the so-called ‘Mickey Mouse Degrees’ which are increasingly being offered by universities across the country?

I for one think that if there is a question of quality versus quantity when it comes to graduates then

looking at the types of course on offer is a more reasonable approach to take than to simply increase fees ,thus forcing out those from lower income backgrounds.

Obviously the money to fund universities has to come from somewhere and I’m sure all students appreciate this. Record numbers of people are applying for grants and loans and clearly this puts pressure on government funding, but a strategy which centres on increasing fees and charging more interest on loans is too simplistic.

There are numerous other courses of action which could be considered.

Notes From The Real Professor Science World

Us impact gnomes don’t get out much and so we like to

hear about people with jobs. Deltoid Arpeggio is one such

person, and here’s the first installment of his employment

column.

I’M A professional physicist. I use the word professional to indicate that I get paid, rather than because I’m any good.

In fact, it was a lot of luck. Smarter and more dependable physics grads in my year are still searching; I just saw an opening and went for it (as the vicar said to the jury).

Finding employment is a long way from the careers fair at the beginning of the year, which you are probably approaching now. The big graduate employers will be there, in shiny shoes and smart suits and telling you that if you can lie convincingly about your passion for menial work then you are welcome to toil 12 hours a day for below-average wage.

Some practical advice here: grab as many free pens and frisbees as you can at the fair. Big companies are far less generous when you are actually employed by them. IBM in particular are notoriously stingy; witness staff grabbing desperately food provided for interviewees.

Further practical advice: ask bluntly about salary now, before applying.

In many areas, salary is not publicly disclosed - presumably to avoid a bidding war for applicants. To enforce

this, asking about wages at interview is a taboo and it is implied that it’ll cost you the job. So you know, the average graduate salary is (probably) low twenties for most jobs. Investment bankers, lawyers and other people who would find it difficult to get pissed on if they caught fire may get over thirty thousand a year. London salaries are usually two or three thousand higher to compensate you for having to be so close to MPs. Scientists may wish to consider doing a PhD or an EngD. The work is fairly easy, you get to bum around on campus and you are paid around thirteen thousand (but don’t have to pay tax). After income tax and student loan repayments, a graduate employee will be pocketing similar money.

A final thing to be aware of, and I’m sorry to be such a prophet of doom, but for the best jobs or PhDs, you should get a 2:1. There is a common arbitrary (and ridiculous, given that not all degrees are equally easy) cut off whereby a 2:1 is the minimum requirement.

You may be relieved to hear that this is the last time I’ll attempt to be helpful.

It’s all crude jokes and libel from here on in.

Professor, please answer a question on every student’s mind; what causes people to grow old and die?

EVERYTHING THAT is born must die eventually, otherwise there wouldn’t be enough shoes to go around, and it would be impossible to get a table at a restaurant. While no-one’s really sure what the fundamental reason for ageing is, there have been a few interesting theories.

The enzyme which replicates DNA can’t read the very end of a chromosome. This means a little is lost at each replication. While chromosomes have a ‘rind’ of junk DNA at each end to protect us, after a while this is gone, and future replications eat away at the ‘meat’ of our chromosomes. As well as this, our DNA is fragile, taking about 800 injuries per hour; usually enzymes are able to repair this, but sometimes not. It is thought ageing may be a result of damage and loss of DNA in cells inhibiting their function.

Evolutionary explanations have also been given; as most people have finished breeding by the time they’re fifty, any genetic problems which kick in after this will not affect genetic fitness; in fact, if a gene boosts an organism’s

breeding success and then rapidly reduces it after they’ve finished reproducing, that gene would be favoured by natural selection; for example, genes increasing testosterone improve reproductive success, but also increase their owner’s chance of certain cancers.

This is a fair trade off though, in evolutionary terms.

Perhaps condensing the time it takes to complete certain degrees down to two years instead of three.

This is surely a possibility given the length of university holidays and the number of hours of lectures which some students get for their money.

That’s just one idea which popped into my head whilst writing this article, so surely politicians who are paid to come up with ideas should be able to dream up a variety of ways to address problems with student funding. At least something more creative than ‘charge students more’, anyway.

Humans have long dreamed of living forever, but identifying the causes of aging has not yet brought us any closer to this goal - however, there is an animal which is technically able to live forever (though none have yet done so) - Turritopsis Nutricula, a jellyfish which is able to turn into its juvenile form after mating.

That said, living forever isn’t all it’s cut out to be: as the saying goes, “eternity is a long time, especially near the end”.

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

IMPACT

13

IMPACT 16

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Science

Editorial

Steve Ramsey Science Editor science@bathimpact.com

I’VE OFTEN wondered how Nestle gets away with the claim that Shreddies are knitted by nanas when they are clearly not. However, in keeping with the paper’s standards, I’ll spare you my musings on society and instead try and stick to science; Here’s what to expect this year.

Our veteran reporter Professor Science returns for another year of answering your science queries.

Q&A style science books have become very popular recently, moving in on his territory. These books include questions such as “can you lose a tampon in your body if the string comes off?”, “is sperm nutritious?” and “is it true that you can break your penis?” Not being the experimental type, he’s not going to seek to answer these kind of problems, though if readers have a question Prof Sci could answer

without violating himself, he’d be happy to do so.

In addition to the Prof’s column there will be regular correspondence from one of Bath’s finest alumni, Deltoid Arpeggio, who now works in the physics department of C&H Fabrics, and an occasional column from our technology writer Sydney Handjerker. As if that weren’t ample cause for excitement, we are also introducing a puzzle section; each instalment will feature a particularly verbose statement made by a University of Bath academic, which readers will be invited to decipher. The winner will receive a chocolate bar, and, more importantly, the literally priceless chance to have their name in the paragon of human knowledge that is the impact science section.

Of course, the other way to get your name in the paper is to write something. Articles by anybody, scientist or not, are welcomed; just write down your thoughts/ opinions and send them to usscience@bathimpact.com

This week in Sex News and Drugs By Dr Regina Phalange Baptist Hicks Get Biblical A STUDY by Pennsylvanian academics has found that the level of conservative religious belief in US states is a strong predictor of their teen pregnancy rate; the pattern was strong even when controlling for income differences and the prevalence of abortion.

This is ironic, as the authors point

A Techie Writes

An occasional column by Sydney Handjerker

THE FIRST issue of impact is always the worst. The editors are still finding their feet and word hasn’t got out yet that any student can write an article.

(In all honesty, your submission would have to be astoundingly bad to get rejected. If you have had an article rejected or edited beyond recognition already, you may like to consider blogging, or flagellation.)

Anyway, that may go some way to explain this column of filler. I am writing this article with the most expensive smartphone on the market.

That’s not a boast; I am officially an advertising-driven tool and now have no money to fix my deceased laptop.

But this ‘phone can browse the web, create documents and play media. Can it fill the void?

On a few counts the smartphone is far better than a notebook. It’s far more portable and can of course make calls and send texts. Since most emails are one or two sentences along the lines of “I’ve attached the contract, please give it a look and let me know” or “Fw:FW:Fw: I KNEW IT! globl warming is a hox!!!” then whipping out a slighty oversized phone is far easier than unfolding a notebook. So it looks like the phone takes the gold for communication in general.

But for longer documents ten fingers beats two thumbs. In particular, touchscreen typing on a shaky bus is as frustrating as being teased to the cusp of climax by the tongue tips of a series of salacious sirens who then tie you up and leave you with the words “Now think about what we just did.” In other words, slightly less frustrating than the average call to Virgin customer services.

So, no writing that bestseller on your mobile. But if the essence of a portable device is freedom, smartphones are rather disappointing. Aside from the OS being proprietary and typically

locked down (no need to be so smug, Android fans) the simple lack of processing power limits what you can do.

Or does it? The device in my hands is of 600 MHz CPU and 256MB RAM, which ten years ago would have made a very serviceable desktop computer.

This is Moore’s law in action. The handheld device has enough muscle to deal with spreadsheets, presentations and even some graphic design, though I wouldn’t expect the folks at Pixar to bin their Macs anytime soon.

Indeed, given that software is forever being optimised, this ‘phone is probably more capable than that 1999 machine.

Compared to a modern notebook, the smartphone isn’t so high spec.

But all that extra power seems to mostly go into supporting lumbering operating systems and software which is 90% useless extra features. The average user could happily get by with stripped down versions of their current system.

Many people are now doing just that; netbooks and Ultra Mobile PCs (UMPCs) are beginning to catch on.

Available in sizes from paperback book to Argos catalogue and priced around £200 - cheaper than smartphones or notebooks - these machines are lightweight in every way except functionality. Expensive and bloated Windows is often traded for Linux and with wifi cloud computing (eg Google Docs) is a good substitute for MS Office.

So, if you’ve terminated your existing computer through some tomfoolery, or the strange and unsettling absence of a minus sign in front of your bank balance is too much for you (a common affliction at Student Loan time) why not check out the alternatives to a table-sized laptop? Or spend it on booze, hookers and coke. Also viable.

Perv of the week: Uni of Buckhingham lecturer Dr Terence Kealey has spoken of his passion for ogling nubile female students as well as imagining himself in bed with them. He wrote in a Times H.E. article that “most years, there will be a girl in class who flashes her admiration and who asks for advice on her essays... enjoy her! She’s a perk...she will flaunt you her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife.” However, he warns, “as in Stringfellows, you should look, but not touch.”

out that “eighty-one percent of evangelical or born again Christians believe it is morally wrong for unmarried adults to engage in sexual intercourse, compared with 33 percent of other Americans”.

Discounting the possibility of immaculate conception, this study will lead to some awkward questions around the dinner tables of the Deep South The authors argue that the finding does not imply Christians are more promiscuous, but rather that they suffer a reluctance to use contraception; understandable, as in Genesis, Onan is smote down by the Lord for using the withdrawl TERENCE KEALEY: There’s a perk in his trousers method.

Scientists have discovered a fungus The study is also notable for referring to a study on sexual which infects the brains of ants and p r o m i s c u i t y b y o n e J e n n i f e r makes them do their bidding (which was to climb a tree and die on a leaf, Manlove which the fungus then feeds on).

This may or may not be one step away from a virus which turns the much impression on the public. whole human race into slaves. Don’t Fortunately, though, a new study say you weren’t warned with truly horrifying implications Most unscientific claim of the has arisen, which will surely make week: A Florida man caught with youths think twice before drinking; child porn on his computer blamed alcohol has been found to disrupt his cat. He said that when he left the the circadian rhythms of hamsters; room his cat jumped on the computer scientists put alcohol in hamsters’ and accessed the images. water, and found they had difficulty Headline of the week: Parasitic getting up the next morning.

Worms Make Sex Worthwhilehttp://tinyurl.com/sexworms -no explanation needed.

Drunk Hamsters Oversleep THE GOVERNMENT has gone to all kinds of lengths to cut down underage drinking, and the information campaigns have been harrowing, but warning people of the dangers has appeared to have little effect. Research linking alcohol consumption with poor memory, impotence, cirrhosis, amnesia, etc. doesn’t seem to have made

Health scare of the week: Candlelit dinners can lead to cancer according to experts. Pollution produced when candles are burned can be carcinogenic. The only solution: wear a gasmask during any romantic encounter

UPSETTING: This poor girl has just heard the sad results of the hamster study and as a result has resolved to give up drinking forever.

Puzzle corner

This week it’s Bath’s own Peter Reason, from the school of management “THIS PAPER starts with a critique of Guba and Lincoln’s (1994) outline of competing paradigms for research, in particular arguing that the constructivist position fails to account for experiential knowing.

The arguments for a participatory worldview are articulated based on a subjective-objective ontology; an extended epistemology of experiential, presentational, propositional and practical ways of knowing; a

methodology based on co-operative relations between co-researchers; and an axiology which affirms the primary value of practical knowing in the service of human flourishing.”

This gem is from “A participatory inquiry paradigm, Reason and Heron, 1996- and this is just the abstract! So what is Prof Reason on about?

Send your suggestions to impactscience@bathimpact.com

Waste of time of the week: scientists used vast amounts of computer time to calculate the area of one trillion different right angled triangles, for no good reason.

Boring story of the week: scientists have explained why pruning plants encourages them to grow faster. It’s something to do with hormones, but to be honest, who gives a shit.

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Hello, Is There Anybody Out There?

.JUST NOD if you can hear me, as I welcome you to another year of Ents at Bath Student impact under my distinctly amateur stewardship, and cast a longing pair of eyes back to a year with a paycheck and a summer abroad. I’m going to selfishly use my very first editorial to talk a little about what the Ents team is planning for the year ahead, and to fill you in on our exciting coverage of what’s happened so far during 2009. But let’s start by boldly gazing into the new semester.

As ever, we’ll be rammed full of previews, competitions and the very best reviews, but we need your help to do it. If you fancy yourself as an expert on metal, something of a connoisseur of rom-coms or perhaps just the person to inspire everyone to not neglect the many theatre opportunities around Bath, then come and talk to us.

I can’t speak for my fellow editors, but I definitely don’t bite (at least not in public spaces).

In addition we’ll be bringing more features of impact Ents online in various guises. Don’t watch this space, but do watch our website. You can also expect some expert guides to genres and styles, frequent contact with the SU Bars Team to keep us up to date on their plans and of course, an ever evolving guide on what to see and where to see it in Bath and Bristol.

Finally, it gives me great pleasure

PHILIP BLOOMFIELD: Your friendly neigbourhood Ents Editor to introduce two new Impact features: the frankly hilarious Music To My Ears and the rather wonderful Lost In Translation.

But, if history has taught us that it doesn’t repeat itself, then it’s also taught us that it’s definitely worth studying. Before we boldly step forward and hurl full pelt into now, let’s glance critically over the shoulder of 2009.

Over the next two issues the Ents team will be looking through a collective summer’s worth of sight, sound and very possibly smell, all in aid of jogging your memories and helping you fill those gaps in your shelves.

This issue we’ve reviewed perhaps the year’s most celebrated UK album, from newcomers and critical darlings Wild Beasts and now (comparatively) old hands Arctic Monkeys. And Foreign Correspondent and all-round good-egg Gina Reay was in Manchester for a blooper-filled Britney Spears gig. Who said we didn’t look after you?

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Entertainments Lost In Translation: Half Nelson THIS WEEK, we’re proud to introduce a new feature for impact. Through a cunning combination of guile, skill and some serious favours (don’t ask), we’ve managed to track down Jonny Depp’s own personal caterer, the delightful Jethro Wurzel. A skilled chef and longtime Westcountry inhabitant, with a deep admiration for Mister Depp, he’s agreed to be interviewed on the subject of films which we’ve chosen for him to watch. We met Jethro for a ‘Glider’ (Ed: ‘cider’) and taped the resultant conversation. We’ve chosen 2007 indie flick “Half Nelson”, starring Ryan Gosling as a popular teacher with a serious drug problem. Enjoy! impact: Hello Jethro, thank you very much for allowing us to talk to you.

We hope it’s not too inconvenient.

JW: Burr aye, no pro’lem. Oi’m always ‘appy to ‘elp you student type, although Mister Depp is around a lot these days, so Oi’s gotta cook him summat mos’ nights. Filmin’ or summat. He’s a wunnerful man though, a real babber (Ed: ‘chum’). impact: Yes, quite. What did you think of the film, with Ryan Gosling?

We really quite enjoyed it. Felt it was a very dark and moving story.

JW: That be an ‘ard question, Ee were not a vurry noice sort, Oi reck’n.

made a pretty picchure.

impact: Indeed. What about his relationship with the girl? It made for a very complex film – I think producers all too often shy away from realistic relationships between adults and teenagers, and it’s a shame.

JW: Defini’tly. Oi thought tha’ wen ‘ee gave ‘er a ride ‘ome it coulda bin vurry dodge loike. My ole man would ne’er give a gurl a roide ‘ome in his trattor.

Started out loike ee’d be arrite, and then ee’s gone and got ‘is ass in his ‘and (Ed:’ made a mess of things’) loike. No need for ‘im to act loike sucha basdurd.

Was takin’ crack, that ain’t right?

Remoind me of that fillum Mister Depp did, with the drugs an’ ‘e bats. Is one Oi nebber seen, Oi don’ like ee drugs an’ Mister Depp, ee knowsat. impact: Yes, agreed. I felt like he was very human and believable though, and it was nice to see a drug user who wasn’t a Hollywood cliché – they’re normally drop outs, deadbeats or rich gangsters. What did you think of the way it was filmed?

JW: ‘E was vurry ‘ansome, weren’ e? ‘As good as Mister Depp, mebbe.

He lookee smould’ring in those dark sun’lasses that ee liked so much.

Wassat werd for filmin’ things?

Cinnermatografee or summat. Anyway, inneressing, weren’t it? Loiked how blurry it were, and thought them angles

impact: Er, I suppose not. Thank you very much for you time Jethro.

Half Nelson is out now on DVD

Music Preview:

Fuck Buttons – Tarot Sport ATP Recordings 5th October WE’VE ALREADY heard this (legally, mind), and you are in for some treat.

Former Bristol DIY noise boys Andrew Hung and Ben Power nearly melted our brains with last year’s Street Horrrsing, and ever since we first saw Fuck Buttons live, we’ve fallen into the kind of love that normally takes years to earn. Tarot Sport is a blistering mix of buzzsaw edged noise and thumping great euphoric blockbeats. Sort of like Boredoms or Carlos Giffoni playing in Ibiza.

Whatever it is, we love it, especially the wonderful video for new single

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MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

Entertainments

Bah, Humbug

Humbug Arctic Monkeys Domino Out Now GONE ARE the skinny, short-haired imps that unleashed upon the world Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not, their debut album and met with almost biblical levels of hype and hysteria by music aficionados and the greater public alike. This came to a head when NME boldly declared WPSIATIWIN (phew) as the fifth greatest British album. Ever.

Thankfully, the wise old heads on those young Sheffield shoulders didn’t believe the hype and produced, in my opinion, a superior follow up with Favourite Worst Nightmare. Now Humbug arrives on my doorstep, with a reputation to maintain and a lot to live up to.

‘My Propeller’ opens the record with booming drums and mournful guitars, light years away from the poppy tunes that littered FWN. The biggest surprise however is the vocals.

The lyrics are as cheeky, as innuendoridden and as catchy as before (“coax me out my low, and have a spin of my propeller”), yet Alex Turner has tried his hand at crooning instead of the half mumble half shout he usually serves up. Similar traits can be found on lead single ‘Crying Lightning’, with a foundation-crumbling bass line

added to boot. Thankfully, it sounds absolutely fantastic.

A lot has been made of the fact that Queens Of The Stone Age frontman Josh Homme has co-produced this record. To be honest, his input seems to coincide with quite a rocky patch in the album. ‘Dangerous Animals’ opens up with a harmony involving the Hommester himself, before we descend into a rather half-arsed attempt at a half-hearted song. The lyrics are hit and miss; the bass is pedestrian to say the least and whoever thought it was a good idea to say every individual letter of the song title in the chorus was having an off day. ‘Secret Door’ almost seems like an attempt at redemption – there’s almost too much going on. Tempo changes everywhere with Turner going between singing and rapping at will…in the end, a promising track ends up a bit of a mess.

Ah yes, what’s this? ‘Potion Approaching’. Now this is where the Josh Homme influence comes into its own. An epic guitar riff kicks it off, Matt Helders pummels the drums to drag the song along kicking and screaming, and those brooding, gothic backing vocals. It’s classic QOTSA, with a Yorkshire twist.

‘Fire and Thud’ and ‘Cornerstone’ keep the album ticking over rather

Film Preview: Creation Dir. John Amiel Out Now

ARCTIC MONKEYS: Or should that be Reservoir Dogs?

Sports Editor Sean Lightbown takes a listen to Arctic Monkeys latest LP and concludes that although the band try something new, the album misses as much as it hits... than providing anything spectacular.

‘Dance Little Liar’ builds up nicely before ending in a crescendo of cymbals and guitars. Personally, it would have been a nice way to bookend the album, but alas we go on.

‘Pretty Visitors’ is another highlight, opening with a carnival-esque organ before careering head first into a straight-out rock frenzy, reminiscent of their early stuff like ‘The View From The Afternoon’. Turner is on top form with his lyrics as well; “What came first, the chicken or the dickhead?

Split sleep reaps rewards from ill fitting thoughts.”. It’s about as close to ‘classic’ Arctic Monkeys you will get on this album, and comes as some relief as the closing track ‘The Jeweller’s Hands’

It’s Britney, and she’s a silly bitch

SHORTLY BEFORE the summer ball signalled the end of my second year of uni, an enthusiastic friend from the north got in touch to tell me (not ask, tell) that we were going to see Britney Spears when she visited Manchester as part of her Circus Tour. Not one to pass up a random night of fun in the north I obliged and we each paid our £65 for tickets to see the troubled starlet.

As the date drew closer, we heard stories of her London performances but tried not to let the rumours of her miming get to us, reassuring ourselves that being in the same room with Ms Spears would be enough (plus we’d heard rumours of Ciara or Pussycat Dolls supporting!)

But when the curtains dropped and the title track ‘Circus’ blasted the arena as Britney was brought on stage, the audience went mental. Although happy to see the lady herself, my ears were fixed on the sound of her voice, which unfortunately was flawless (meaning obviously that this was a backing track and Britney herself was miming). The dancing and the costumes partly made up for this however. All the most memorable tracks were performed, amongst my favourites ‘Boys’, ‘Break the Ice’, ‘Hit

me baby one more time’ and ‘Radar’.

In fact, it was more of a ‘spectacle’ than a music performance. Britney pranced around the stage in outfits only describable as sparkly lingerie (for a recent baldy, she looked good) whilst dancers and circus performers did tricks and stunts obviously intended to be viewed as a ‘freak show’ with Britney as the main attraction, oh the irony!

The climax of the performance was evidentially supposed to be ‘Everytime’ as Britney came up from under the stage dressed in a Bollywood-style Jasmine outfit, she sat on a swing and was lifted into the air as she elegantly mimed the lyrics to the classic tune.

Unfortunately for her, the part that made the national headlines the next day was a Berlusconi-style slip up which left the predominantly Northern audience surprised and mildly offended.

In a rare moment of madness Britney’s actual microphone was turned on halfway through to allow her to greet the audience personally between two songs. And greet us she did, with nasal-toned enthusiasm she yelled ‘How’re you doing London?!!!!!!!’

Britney had no idea that she had crossed England that day to the wonderful North… the tabloids had a field day.

Despite my cynicism however, the concert was great and given the chance I would go again. The spectacularity (not a word but I’m writing it anyway) of the stage, costumes and incredible dances made up for the mishaps and I’ll always be able to say I saw Britney Spears ‘perform’ some of her most well known hits. I can’t help but feel,

seems laboured and not a patch on its predecessor.

Humbug is a pretty apt title for this record. For all the talk of AM going in a more austere and serious direction, the brooding melodies and military drums mask the same old cheekiness and humour which catapulted them from Yorkshire hopefuls to cross-continent stars. It is deceptive. Yet for every track which perfects this marriage, there is another which reminds us that for these guys, this is an adventure into the unknown. It’s hit and miss, yet not deserving of scorn. I suppose we should be thankful that for a band which as had such huge success, they have yet to make a bad album, nor disappear into their own arseholes.

however, that it was more of a freak show than her managers intended.

Gina Reay, Ents Foreign Correspondent Two Dancers Wild Beasts Domino Out Now APPARENTLY, TWO Dancers is one of the best albums released by a UK act this year. If you believe the popular press, that is: everyone from Clash Magazine to The Guardian has hailed them as the hottest act around. But having missed the hype around Wild Beasts debut (2008’s Limbo, Panto) I know very little about them, beyond that they’re the kind of sensitive, intelligent guitar based pop band which sets chinsa-stroking. And the kind of music that generally washes over me like a warm breeze: not unpleasant, but nothing to write home about.

That said, the Cumbrians have at least convinced me that Two Dancers was worth repeated listening. Opener ‘The Funplowder Plot’ might coast along on glimmering synth and floor tom heavy percussion, but it doesn’t feel like the kind of naff eighties worship which seems to have grabbed so much of the UK music scene at present. It’s refreshing to listen to an album and not be able to immediately place a finger on who or what they’re ripping off: much of Two Dancers is peerless in a literal sense of the word, as there are very few bands making

It might be hard to especially praise Two Dancers, but it’s even harder to fault Wild Beasts’ unique effort. anything which sounds remotely similar.

But the album also demonstrates, to me at least, that originality is a double-edged sword, with a rather unique vocal performance. Main vocalist Hayden Thorpe favours a trill, semi operatic falsetto, whilst Tom Fleming intones in a bassy Ian Curtis-esque baritone.

Unfortunately for Wild Beasts, no amount of listening can convince me that Thorpe doesn’t in fact sound like Cher at her most unpleasant, warbling and distorting what are clearly carefully thought out lyrics beyond recognition. “This is a booty call / My boot up your asshole / This is a Freudian slip / My slipper in your bits” should by all rights be one of the lyrics of the year, if it was actually discernible without the liner notes.

Not all is lost, however, and in

As it’s the Darwin Centenary, this film couldn’t arrive in better time.

Most of the press surrounding this story of Darwin’s life has centred around the reaction in the US, where film distributors are refusing to pick the release up, as they fear it won’t attract an audience due to it’s ‘anti-religious’ nature. Whatever the facts are we’re pretty certain that Paul Bettany can only improve on his lacklustre performance in Wimbledon, even if the story, in classic Hollywood style, centres on a man torn between his scientific beliefs and the love of his religious wife. Still, at least they’re not remaking Fame. Oh wait, they are.

MUSIC TO MY EARS Every week, we’ll be picking on unsuspecting citizens and playing them a sample of a track from impact Editor and all-round pretentious musical twerp Philip Bloomfield’s iPod. This week, he picked on his own father: Emeralds - Alive In The Sea of Information Phil Says: “Beautiful cosmic drone. Like falling into the warmest of musical baths.”

Stephen Says: “Sounds like a washing machine.”

‘Hooting & Howling’ the band have probably written the most effortlessly catchy and enjoyable pop song of the year. The dull throb of a bass eases in those shrill vocals, before a solemn piano joins the fray. By the time the song explodes into joyful life, a sharp shred of high pitched guitar is carrying the simplest of melodies, as Thorpe half sings and half leers “We’re just bruised / Looking to have a hoot”. It’s instantly recognisable, repeatable and can’t fail to bring a smile to even the most jaded of music reviewer’s faces.

It is hard to find particular fault with Wild Beasts’ unique mix, yet similarly it’s also hard to find anything concrete to particularly praise: many of the songs are wonderful, but it all feels too crisp and clean, too controlled, lacking in the certain snarl I tend to desire from rock music. Yet split the songs into component parts and it all becomes a bit easier: I love ‘This Is Our Lot’ because of that wonderfully languid bassline and ‘Two Dancers (i)’ impresses me because of the chiming, layered guitar intro, while the call and response guitar is what makes ‘All The King’s Men’ so thrilling.

But what does this all add up to, besides a sense of confusion? Two Dancers might not deserve the heap of accolade that was piled onto it, it would be equally unfair to say that it’s without special merit. It is a unique, clever and well thought out record, but it’s not wholly for me.

Sorry, guys.

Philip Bloomfield, Ents Editor

MONDAY 28TH SEPTEMBER 2009

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Sport

It’s five-a-side, Jim, but not as we know it... impact chats to Sion Kitson, Head Coach of the Futsal Club, about one of the fastest growing sports on the planet...

WHAT ATTRACTED you to futsal, and how did you become a coach?

I was first introduced to futsal back in 2004. I was playing football for Team Bath at the time and the coach Paul Tisdale, now at Exeter City, offered me the chance to go to the World University Futsal Championships in Spain with a newly formed Great Britain Futsal Team.

Three of us from the University went and since then I have been hooked.

Although we didn’t win many games the dynamics of the game with regards to technique and tactical strategies made me fall in love with it. In January 2008 we formed the club and I have been coaching and playing consistently ever since, but I couldn’t have done it without the players who are students who also run the club.

What are the differences between futsal and five-a-side?

There are many differences to football with regards to laws of the game. Firstly, it is played on an indoor court slightly larger than a basketball court. The goals are the same size as hockey goals and the ball is smaller and has less bounce. Games last 20 minutes each time, but it’s real time, so every time the ball is out of play the clock stops, so games end up lasting well over an hour. Also, there are two referees, each occupying a touch line and there are no offsides.

There is no head height rule and no restrictions on where players can go on the court. Teams are made up of a maximum of 12 players, but only 5 can be on the court at any one time.

There are rolling substitutions, no throw-ins or goal kicks, just kick-ins

THREE LIONS: Bath played the England national team in May this year

and goal clearances. Those are the main differences but there are more complex ones as well. Best thing to do if you are interested is to come down and watch us train or even a match.

Does futsal improve certain footballing techniques e.g. one touch passing, dribbling...?

Futsal is a technically demanding game, very fast and dramatic and players have to learn to attack and defend as there are no set positions like football. Due to a small playing area players learn to develop a good first touch as they are constantly playing under pressure and often have to be creative to find ways out of trouble. Also, the smaller ball with less bounce allows players to manipulate it in different ways with regards to passing and shooting, for example toe poking is a skill in futsal and can be used to devastating effect. Tactically players also have to be aware as there are many styles of play and coaches have more opportunities to affect the game with 1 time out allocated to each team per half. Players have to be fit as you do play close to your maximum heart rate when on court. It really is a high octane game.

Why should a fresher, or any potential member of the Futsal

HIGH FLYERS: The university’s futsal team has competed in Europe.

Club, join?

I think futsal is a great sport for freshers to get involved with. We welcome all players as we have opportunities at all levels. We have trials for those interested in playing first team or reserve team futsal, but for those who just want to have fun there is a large futsal intra-mural league ran every year at by the Sports Association where you can enter teams with house mates or friends from lectures, you only need 5 people.

It is open to men and women (new team this year) and we will have a stall at the Sports Fair so come check us out. Futsal is fun yet challenging.

You make great friends playing and

you get pretty fit from it too. We have trips all over the country and even Europe with plenty of social nights as well. If you are looking to do something fresh and new I think futsal is for you (apologies on the rhyme). Check out our website on the Student Union pages and on the Team Bath website for more information on futsal, videos of us playing matches and all about what our club do, or just email me at ed3spk@bath.ac.uk with any questions you have.

Trials for the team will be held 12/10 (8pm-9pm) and 13/10 (9pm10pm). Please note trialists need only attend ONE session.

sport impact

inside sport this week...

The idiot’s guide to futsal, p19

Why skydiving isn’t just plane stupid Will Arnold Bath University Skydiving Club

A to Z of Clubs American Football Archery

“SKYDIVING? YOU must be joking!

Me, jump out of that plane there? No, way. That’s for two types of people, the Bear Grylls ex-SAS type, and the insane.” You couldn’t be more wrong.

Psychologists initially believed that skydivers were insane too. That those involved with the sport had some kind of latent death wish or a need to prove themselves to their peers by performing high risk activities. Sort of like in Top Gun, but without the homosexual overtones of the beach volleyball scene. However, a study of 293 high-risk competitors (including skydivers) by Ben Ogilvie, professor emeritus of psychology at San Jose State University suggested that the average skydiver was highly motivated and had above average intelligence.

These high achievers were more likely to take calculated risks in order to achieve their goals when compared to their more conservative counterparts, hence their attraction to the sport.

People from all walks of life skydive.

The majority of skydivers come from middle management, finance and IT backgrounds, and a significantly larger percentage of skydivers have gone to university compared to the proportion of the general population who have. Clearly the skydiving community isn’t filled with a bunch of yahoo’s randomly jumping out of commercial airlines whenever they wish. Skydivers have families and drink tea.

OK, so I’d be lying if I said that skydiving was completely safe. There is an element of risk and that is part of the reason it is so much fun. The important thing to realise is that this risk is manageable. The British Parachute Association (BPA) [http:// www.bpa.org.uk] currently puts the injury rate for experienced skydivers at 0.4 per 1000 jumps and the fatality rate at about 1 in 100,000 jumps. So, as an experienced skydiver performing routine jumps, statistically you are

Association Football & Futsal Athletics Badminton Basketball Boxing Canoe Club Cricket Fencing Floorball Gliding Golf Gymnastics Handball Hockey Jitsu Judo Karate

likely to injure yourself once every 2500 jumps. The majority of injuries are as minor as a twisted ankle through an awkward landing, and the number of fatalities is so small that when one does happen, it is big news.

So what is it that makes the sport relatively safe? The answer is simple.

Good instruction, a willingness to learn and good equipment. Skydiving has been an international sport since 1951 and since then the equipment has come a long way. All skydivers are equipped with not one but two parachutes called the main and reserve. The main is used on a day to day basis and is packed by yourself (after thorough training) whilst the reserve is used only in the case of a genuine emergency such as a main failure. This reserve is packed meticulously by a certified rigger, an expert in parachutes and their operation, and must be repacked routinely to be sure that it will be there when you need it. Safety measures don’t stop here either. All students in the UK are required to jump parachutes fitted with an Automatic Activation Device (AAD) so that in the rare event that you cannot or do not pull your main parachute, your reserve will fire automatically when you fall below a particular altitude at a particular speed. All of this high tech equipment is explained to you by expert instructors

before you ever see a plane.

So how is this past-time classed as a sport? Well there are several active disciplines within the sport at the moment. The two most popular ones that occur during are formation and freefly. Formation work is a very structured, meticulous discipline involving a team of four people completing as many set formations as they can within a time period.

Freeflying, on the other hand is a more artistic discipline involving a couple of skydivers spinning, flipping and flying about in any orientation they want (think Torvill and Dean on crack) that’s marked on artistic merit.

People continually ask me “What is it like? Do you feel like you are falling?” The short answer is no. It’s more like floating on a noisy bed of air. Once you have hit your horizontal terminal velocity in a position there is no acceleration. Even as you are accelerating downwards towards your terminal it doesn’t feel like it since you are slowing down in the horizontal axis (you are still moving forward when you exit at the same speed as the plane).

“But I’m scared of heights!” This is unlikely to be a hindrance. Do you feel high when you are in a commercial airliner? If not, you are unlikely to feel that in freefall since your perspective changes so slowly you never really experience the sensation of falling, and you are happily under canopy before the ground ever rushes up to meet you.

“What if I don’t like it?” Well, that’s a possibility but put it this way: I’ve never seen anyone come down who wasn’t smiling. If you are really nervous you could always come to the wind tunnel with us - this simulates the experience of freefall, without the falling! The idea is that a jet of air is blown up to meet you and this suspends you in a vertical column. It’s cheaper than skydiving, less nerve-wracking and gives us the opportunity to try things out on the ground, before putting them into

practice in the air.

“Isn’t it really expensive?” they also say. The answer is that it is as expensive or as cheap as you want to make it by jumping as often or as little as you choose. The Students’ Union also gives massive discounts to its members on training courses, and following jumps are only £22 a time.

Better still, once you are qualified (after completing a minimum of 18 jumps), this price drops further! Hundreds of students jump across the country, proving that this isn’t just a sport for the mega-rich.

So do you think you have what it takes for you and your mates to jump together from a perfectly good aircraft two and a half miles high, grinning at each other as you perform acrobatics and try to outdo each other at a vertical speed of over 120mph? When you factor in the sun beating down on your neck as you come in to land you’ll realise that this is not just any sport, it’s the only sport.

For more information visit our website www.skydive-bath.co.uk, join the facebook group “Bath Uni Skydiving Club” or email us at SUSAskydiving@lists.bath.ac.uk.

We will also be running a stall at the sports fair on Tuesday 6th October, from 4-7pm. The club runs frequent weekend trips to our home drop zone in Netheravon as well as taking part in the annual trip abroad during Easter. adapted from an article by Douglas McIlwraith, IC-Parasoc Chair

Kickboxing Kite & Windsurf Lacrosse Latin & Ballroom Dancing Lifesaving Motorsports Cycling Mountaineering Netball Pool, Snooker & Darts Riding & Polo Rowing Rugby Sailing Shooting Skydiving Snowsports Squash Sub Aqua Surf Swimming Table Tennis Tai Chi Tennis Trampoline Triathlon Ultimate Frisbee Volleyball Wakeboard Water Polo

Rugby Preview Bath Uni vs. Bristol Uni The Rec, Bath 07/10/2009, 19:15 kick off THE MEN’S 1st XV begin their 09/10 campaign nextWednesday, and a mouth-watering derby game awaits against local rivals Bristol. Bath will be looking for a flying start to their season, with the ultimate aim of lifting the Championship trophy in the final at Twickenham in April. It promises to be a great game, and entrance is only £3. Tickets can be bought at the STV, Plug Bar, or on the door. So for some top sporting entertainment at a bargain price, get down there and show your support for the boys in yellow and blue!