Bath Impact Volume 11 Issue 5 by bathimpact

Monday 16th Movember 2009 Volume 11 Issue 5 www.bathimpact.com

impact student

University of Bath student newspaper

Are you game for some BANTER? Head into town...

New impact website

WE ARE pleased to announce that the newly renovated impact website is now fully operational. Check it out for both the online and print edition, and if you have an opinion, you can now share your thoughts by commenting on the website at www.bathimpact. com. Love it? Hate it? Tell us what is missing and how we can improve.

Veg scheme comes to campus

Students Hacked Off IT APPEARS that last week person or persons unknown attempted to hack into some of the University of Bath Linux servers, apparently looking for password details of both students and staff. The issue is still currently under investigation by the BUCS team, but it appears that three servers have been compromised to a serious degree. BUCS are also in contact with an

Christmas Market coming soon to Bath

THE LEGENDARY Bath Christmas Market is coming! Running from 26th November to 6th December, it is the perfect place to pick up your tasteful and artistic gifts to make your family and friends love you even more than they did before. Don’t miss out.

ENTERPRISE WEEK: Banter take over a city centre shop for a competition for budding entrepreneurs. News, page 2

Tim Leigh Editor in Chief editor@bathimpact.com

News in Brief

external contractor responsible for some of the upkeep of one of the servers to ensure that normal service is resumed as quickly as possible. The seriousness of this incident is highlighted by the fact that over one hundred and fifty students and staff have had their University passwords altered in case they were compromised. John Howell, the Assistant Director of Management Information Services (MIS) stated that BUCS were confident

that systems and accounts were now safe, and that efforts were focussed on restoring services and identifying the perpetrator. He said, “We have been working with JANET (the Joint Academic Network) and it appears highly likely that the attack was from outside the University”, quashing rumours that this was an undergraduate Maths student who was desirous of gaining a preview of an exam paper. Some services have been restored, but despite the best

efforts of all concerned at BUCS, it appears likely that it will be some weeks before full service resumes, due to the necessity of involving the aforementioned outside company to resolve the problems. Any students who have been unable to complete or submit work due to this incident have the full assurances of the BUCS team that all relevant departmental heads will be informed of the problem and that this may be appropriate grounds for requesting an extension.

In impact this week... Return of an old favourite:

The Nutty Professor:

Sabbs’ Corner

Comment & Science

Page 12

Pages 9 & 13

ENVIRONMENTAL SOCIETY People & Planet has launched an organic vegetable box scheme to enable students and staff to enjoy locally sourced produce. The scheme, launched at the start of November, is being run on a non-profit basis, and People & Planet says it hopes the initiative will raise the awareness of the benefits of organic products to the University community. A choice of standard and large size local and international vegetable boxes are available on a weekly basis, and can be delivered to the Chaplaincy for collection at any point during the day. The boxes are priced between £6.50 and £9.00 and can be purchased at www.bathstudent.com towards the end of the academic year.

Bath going greener

STUDENTS LIVING in University accommodation will be encouraged to have fun in the dark this academic year by taking part in the fourth annual Student Switch Off, where halls will compete against each other to come top of the class in energy efﬁciency. Prizes will be awarded over the course of the year to encourage students to save energy and do their bit to tackle climate change. Prizes will speciﬁcally be given to students who sign up to become ‘Eco-Power Rangers’ - residents who pledge to use their energy carefully and encourage their friends to do so as well. Prizes on offer include weekly tickets to Elements, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and energy-saving gadgets. On top of all this, the winning hall will receive a celebratory meal and drinks.

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News

student impact is brought to you by... Editorial Team Editor News Editor Comment Editor Co-Features Editors Science Editor Ents Editor Sport Editor Online Editor Photo Editor Treasurer Chief Sub Editor Special Thanks To

Tim Leigh editor@bathimpact.com Chris Wotton news@bathimpact.com Emma Simmons comment@bathimpact.com Josie Cox & Sian Lewis features@bathimpact.com Steve Ramsey science@bathimpact.com Phil Bloomﬁeld ents@bathimpact.com Sean Lightbown sport@bathimpact.com David Kennaway online@bathimpact.com Peter Pratelli photo@bathimpact.com David Kennaway treasurer@bathimpact.com Katie Rocker Sam Foxman, Alex Drake, Laurence Whitaker

Monday onday 16th Movember 20 2009 IMPACT

NUS calls on loans chief to quit James Hemson News Contributor The National Union of Students has called for the resignation of the head of the Student Loans Company in the wake of the loans shamble that has dogged the start of the new academic year. NUS President Wes Streeting said SLC chief executive Ralph Seymour-Jackson should ‘take full responsibility and resign immediately’. The demand comes amid the continued furore over the staggering number of students who are still waiting for their loans more than a month after the beginning of the ﬁrst semester of University. The Student Loans Company has been forced by a government inquiry to reveal ﬁgures detailing the extent of the problems, after

Contact Details Phone - 01225 38 6151 Fax - 01225 44 4061 Email - editor@bathimpact.com

An academic at the University has voiced concerns that Bath’s new Southgate shopping complex will prove ‘damaging’ for the local economy. The shopping centre, which provides a total of four hundred and seventeen thousand square feet of retail space, sees the arrival of exciting new brands and larger retail outlets in Bath. A larger H&M outlet, New Look, and Debenhams department store, a more centrally located Sainsbury’s and more high street names are among the plans for the site in the city centre. While most see the move as a positive development, Prof John Hudson from the Department of Economics fears the shopping centre will be far from a blessing for hundreds of small-scale, independent shops in

Address -

Impact Students’ Union University of Bath Bath BA2 7AY

If you want to write, design, take photos or otherwise contribute to impact, come along to a Contributors meeting, held every Tuesday in 4E2.4 at 6:15pm, get in touch with the Editor, pop into the ofﬁce in Norwood House level 4 or log onto our website (www.bathimpact.com)

Students’ Union SU VP Communications Ben Cole SUcommunications@bath.ac.uk 01225 386679 Activities Administrator Andree Peacock A.Peacock@bath.ac.uk 01225 384860

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Enquires Helen Freeman H.Freeman@bath.ac.uk 01225 386806

Information The opinions expressed in impact are not necessarily those of the impact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. impact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct. Please contact them for any information. Printed by www.quotemeprint.com 0845 1300 667

The Student Loans Company have blamed the problems on the unprecedented increase in the number of students, which represents around eighty-one thousand more applicants than in the previous year, and have offered an ‘unreserved’ apology to students throughout the problems. However the NUS has branded the reaction of Seymour-Jackson to the unfolding crisis a ‘shameful spin operation’, insisting that his handling of the situation has left students with ‘no conﬁdence’ in the chief executive. Streeting said Seymour-Jackson should do the ‘honourable thing’ and resign, adding: “The Student Loans Company has given students a string of broken promises about when they should expect to receive some or all of their loan payments.”

Academic warns against early Southgate centre optimism Julia Lipowiecka News Contributor

Web - www.bathimpact.com

allegations from the NUS that they were ‘downplaying’ the problem. The ﬁgures show that, as of 18 October, one hundred and forty one thousand applications had been received but not approved, while a further one hundred and forty six thousand had been approved but no ﬁrst payment received. There is fear that the nonpayment of loans has caused many students to withdraw from their chosen university or that they have decided to leave their application uncompleted and defer their entry. The NUS insists that those who have chosen to carry on will have ‘a miserable start to the term’ and will have to survive on limited funds in a harsh economic climate. Some universities have stepped in to help students and have provided hardship loans.

THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE? Southgate may not be all good and outside of Bath. Prof Hudson believes that Southgate will have a bad impact on the market towns in the area, as well as shopping areas in Bath such as Milsom Street. Speaking to impact, Prof Hudson said he thought that ‘shops in Bath which are not in or close to the centre will find it hard to compete; with

Southgate and will decline as a result of the new shopping centre’s arrival on the scene. Although the Southgate Centre is likely to put Bath on the map in terms of shopping in the south west region, and help it compete with Bristol and large out-of-town shopping centres, Prof Hudson warned that ‘the city’s concern should remain staying a tourist town’ and added that it was unlikely that the Southgate centre would attract tourists, ‘whereas Milsom Street was something of an attraction.’ The first phase of Southgate shopping centre’s opening took place with the launch of fourteen shops in early November, with the next phases due to open in May and September 2010. What do you think of the Southgate development? Are you impressed with the new array of shops? E-mail news@bathimpact.com

BANTER hosts city retail contest Laurence Whitaker News Contributor A competition being run as part of Student Enterprise Week will see Bath students given the opportunity to run a shop in the city centre for a day. The competition, being run by student enterprise group BANTER, was launched in early November and will pit teams of students against each other, equipped with two hundred pounds to start their miniature business. Teams will be given a one day in the spot in the shop, with the aim of making as much proﬁt as possible. The competition will culminate this Friday at the Roman Baths, and the team which makes the most money and gives the best presentation will be crowned winner and will keep

YOU’RE HIRED! The shop in Lower Borough Walls its proﬁts. Siobain Hone, Student Enterprise Coordinator in the Students’ Union, said: “This is a fantastic opportunity to try out your entrepreneurial

ambitions in a real environment and of course it will be great CV material.” BANTER is the University’s student entrepreneurs club. A pioneering group ideal for anyone interested in running their own business, or who wants to ﬁnd out more about entrepreneurship, the club runs regular SORTED workshops on various aspects of business including many special guests from the local and national business world. The group’s aim is to increase awareness of entrepreneurship within the University and support those with existing businesses, whilst helping to foster new ones. The shop being used by teams in the competition will remain open until this Thursday, at 7a Lower Borough Walls, between the Abbey and Bath Spa railway station.

www.bathimpact.com/features

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Perverted Paris

Our lovely correspondent seems to just Gina Reay reports on la vie e n c o u r a g e them to grab en rose. So up until now, I’ve been extremely pleasant about my new location but now I feel it’s time to rant about the darker side of Paris. Although the city itself is undisputedly romantic, full of couples staring into each other’s eyes and reading poetry to each other in the gardens. However for the young single girl, the reality is not so sweet. In fact, Telegraph writer Emily Rose deﬁnitely hit the nail on the head with her article entitled ‘Paris: Pervert Capital of the World?’ which parallels my own opinions on the disgusting Parisian men and their warped image of ‘romance’. The Telegraph article quite rightly points out how handsy and mouthy Parisian men can be. It is not unusual, as the author explains, to see a man cracking one out on the metro and I have had the unfortunate experience of having a man seductively barge past me on a busy train with a… well… let’s just say the Eiffel Tower was not the only long, erect object I encountered that day. It’s not just these occasional bad experiences however, that makes me dislike this situation. It is pretty much impossible to get from A to B without being approached or shouted at, whether it be eight in the morning or 11 at night. The taunts can range from the slightly ﬂattering ‘pas malle eh?’ to the more offensive or even personal jibes. My approach to this problem has always been, headphones in ears, no eye contact, walk on. However this

me, more often than not on the derriere. As a rather passionate f e m a l e , actions like this really anger me. What gives them the right to feel like they can just caress a cheek whenever they fancy? One of my friends here in Paris recently told me about her experience of being chased, yes chased, around a metro station by a desperate Frenchie. She conﬁded in me: ‘Is it me? Am I giving off the wrong impression?’ My answer? No you’re bloody well not! And since when did women have to avoid wearing heels, skirts and anything remotely attentiongrabbing just so we don’t get leered at on the bleeding underground! It eez… how you say… pathetique! The line between seduction and perversion in Paris seems to be a blur and this societal problem is quite possibly the only thing I hate about an otherwise lovely city. Yes, the delights of Montmartre may be breathtakingly romantic but let us not forget that Pigalle’s just down the road with its countless sex shops, prostitutes and dirty old men. I can’t help but think that Paris has become a city of perversion rather than of romance, seduction and temptation; unless having a hand of a complete stranger put up my skirt on public transport at 9am is now considered romantic that is!

HOROSCOPE Madame Soufflé GREETINGS FROM the heavens my star children. I am Madame Soufflé and I will traverse the astral planes in order to guide you through the year. Fear not; for Madame Souffle will guide you through the darkest patches, with her prophetic words making you a wiser and more resilient person. Capricorn (22 Dec-20 Jan): Now’s a good time to pitch your business idea; but never is an even better time. Aquarius (21 Jan-19 Feb): Jung said “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart”, but often a new pair of glasses does the trick.

Leo (23 Jul-22 Aug): Wow. No centipede has been that stoned since Coolidge was President. Virgo (23 Aug-21 Sep): Would you really want to know if you were about to suffer a heart attack? Just a theoretical question...

Aries (21 March-20 April): “I think about you at night” is sweet, “I watch you at night” is creepy; your landlady isn’t ready for that kind of relationship.

Libra (22 Sep-22 Oct): This week’s theme: interpretive dance: next week’s: interpretive fishing.

Gemini (22 May-21 June): This week you probably shouldn’t count backwards from two thousand if you have anything better to do.

Anna Wickes Event coordinator

Fashion at Bath has been running successfully for the last four years and 2010 is no exception! On Wednesday 17th March, our students will be back on the on the catwalk for another of the University’s most signiﬁcant charity events. Casting for the 2010 models takes place on Wednesday 18th November 2009 and the event’s committee will be welcoming both male and female hopefuls of all shapes, sizes and year groups. The 2010 Fashion Show will raise money for Sue Ryder Care, which is running a project to sponsor villages in Malawi. The money raised from the show will sponsor a village called T-Site which currently has no primary school or health facilities, and is suffering from a HIV/AIDs pandemic. We are lucky to have a highly motivated

Scorpio (23 Oct-21 Nov): If a tree falls in the forest, is that surprising? Where else would it fall? Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec): Queuing in Morrison’s will bring you unbounded pleasure; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

team on this year’s Event Committee, which is dedicated to making this the best Fashion Show yet! Clothes, shoes and accessories will be kindly provided by shops and designers from Bath and the surrounding area, to be showcased during the event. Participating models will not only experience being photographed in front of the camera but will learn to perfect their catwalk and show off their skills in front of over 400 people! Last year, over £3,000 was raised for Breast Cancer Research and this year we hope to exceed for our chosen charity, Sue Ryder Care. So whether you’d like to model, photograph, sponsor, design or just come along and watch, we encourage everyone to give their time and money generously and raise the cash to really make a difference.

Features

Model Casting

Fancy yourself as Bath’s Next Top Model? The 2010 Bath Fashion Show is taking place on Wednesday 17th March and the team are looking for volunteer male and female models to take part in the show! No previous experience is necessary so, whether you’re interested in modelling in the future, fancy doing your bit for charity or just want to have some fun, this opportunity is for you! You’ll need to be available all day on 17th March and for some rehearsals and catwalk sessions prior to the event. Casting is taking place in Elements on Wednesday 18th November between 10am and 1.30pm: Girls, wear heels, minimal make-up and tie your hair back; Guys, no long sleeves please! Interested? Come to Elements, Wednesday 18th November between 10am and 1.30pm.

The Chronicles of Siânia

EPISODE 3: In which I sing the praises of housematey harmony

Cancer (22 June-22 July): The stars’ alignment is not favourable to you leaving the house next Wednesday; Alpha Centauri is heading right for us.

Pisces (20 Feb-20 March): This week you’ll discover that the capital of Palau is Ngerulmud. You’ll be mistaken.

Taurus (21 April-21 May): Not believing in horoscopes can only be caused by watching too much internet porn. You sicko!

Fashionable Folk

IF THIS were an instalment of an epic novel about a Harry Potter-style hero who wears lycra, ﬁghts evil and has great hair, you’d have to introduce the main characters – the obligatory best friend, the freaky tag-along or animal companion, the evil Jafarstyle baddie… Disney knows a good cast formula when they see one. Unfortunately life has so far not offered me opportunities to destroy malign forces (or even to wear an outﬁt like Zena the Warrior Princess, alas!), and my hair I would say is strictly average, but I do have some friends that let me hang around with them and share their tasty treats, so at least my own personal epic novel has a cast. One of the best things about being a student is living with people who 1) like you even though they don’t have to because you’re related and 2) don’t make you clean your room/practise the violin/shower. However, I’ve

always kind of taken my housemates for granted (sorry guys). They are just there, like furniture you can play drinking games with. But no longer! Recently I’ve been hearing many flatmate horror stories: tales of sorrow and woe, of bitch-fights at dawn over broken crockery, of girls who eat cat food and boys who pee in fireplaces, and of very hygienic kids who enjoy cultivating happy new varieties of mould like forests under their beds. So I now count myself lucky that I live with people who at least visit the realm of sanity once in a while. Don’t get me wrong, I like my co inhabitants to be a little mad – among my housemates of present and past are Lizzie, who has created with my help a beautifully choreographed mating dance that wouldn’t look out of place on the Discovery Channel; Monica, who likes to unwind by hanging onto the banisters like a koala, Mark, who won’t let you sit on his bed in case you mess up the intricate folding system it is governed by, and who gets the shakes if he doesn’t have caffeine; Matt, who likes to go and run at top speed for hours and come home covered in snot shouting “sugar!!!!! Get me sugarrr!!!” and stands on the coffee table when he wants to feel tall and important; and finally Chadwell, who I suspect has an unhealthy obsession with cocoa butter

body lotion, let’s say no more. My friends have made jungles in corridors, created caricatures of mates out of only beer cans, string and imagination, and brought home shopping trolleys, weird acquaintances and the occasional mangy stray cat. But at least we all manage to get on and avoid high levels of disgustingness (mainly. There are some stories related to bodily fluids I could tell you but I won’t, thus avoiding getting kicked unceremoniously out of my house). The point I am slowly getting round to is this, children – a big part of being (or pretending to be) an autonomous grown-up is learning to live with other people, and the winning formula is most definitely to keep mould, hissy fits and faecal matter in check, while feeling free to express all manner of interpretative dance, marsupial impressions and housematey love (demonstrated in my case via bestowals of food, bear hugs and having my hair held back while I throw up copiously in bushes). Life’s too short to bother with bitching and drama, so providing your friends don’t eat cat food, go and give them some love.

Siân Lewis Co-Features Editor

16-29 November www.BathStudent.com/entertainments

Wed. 18th November Score 9:30pm - 2am

Club N ights

Thu. 19th November Better Bus To Bristol 7pm - 3am The S Factor! Heat 2 8pm - midnight Fri. 20th November ﬂirt! 80’s Night! 9:30pm - 3am

live Sports

Mon 16th November Tommy + The Weeks 7:30pm - 9:30pm Downtown @ PoNaNa 10pm - 2am

Sat. 21st November Liverpool Vs Man. City 12:45pm (Premier League) England Vs New Zealand 2:30pm (Rugby International) Man. United Vs Everton 5:30pm (Premier League) Sun. 22nd November Bolton Vs Blackburn 1:30pm (Premier League) Stoke City Vs Portsmouth 4pm (Premier League) Tues. 24th November Debrecen Vs Liverpool 7:45pm (UEFA Champions League)

Sat. 21st November Comeplay 9:30pm - 2am Mon. 23rd November Downtown @ PoNaNa 10pm - 2am Wed. 25th November Score 9:30pm - 2am

Wed. 25th November Manchester United Vs Besiktas 7:45pm (UEFA Champions League) Sat. 28th November Wales Vs Australia 5:15pm (Rugby International)

Thu. 26th November Better Bus To Bristol 7pm - 3am The S Factor! Heat 3 8pm - midnight

Sun. 29th November Everton Vs Liverpool 1:30pm (Premier League) Arsenal Vs Chelsea 4pm (Premier League)

Fri. 27th November ﬂirt! Ministry of Sound 9:30pm - 3am

University of Bath Students’ Union

www.bathimpact.com/features

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Features

FOR THOUGHT: Gaga for Gizzi FOOD The French Edition Sian Lewis Co-Features Editor I HAVE a girl crush on Gizzi Erskine, who you may have seen (or more likely smelt) cooking up a veritable culinary feast on campus on the 5th of November, as part of healthy living campaign The Grub Club. The gorgeous chef is best known for her book and TV show, Cook Yourself Thin - not a cooking style I’d normally subscribe too since in my experience, dieting doesn’t allow you to eat a whole pack of cookies and call it lunch. Gizzi, however, is more interested in lemon cheesecake than lettuce leaves, as she told me over a coffee after her demonstration.

nutrients from them - you’ll just feel tired all the time. Stir fries and soups are really cheap and fast to make. Your image combines food and fashion, and you cook modern cuisine - do you think the days are numbered for more traditional chefs? I THINK young people really want to get into fun cooking, and they need younger cooks they can relate to - my generation had Jamie Oliver, he was doing really cool things and riding around on a scooter. Now he’s got kids and lives in the country I think students need new people to be inspired by, who are into cool things like festival food and who aren’t pretentious. Your book and TV programme are called ‘Cook Yourself Thin’ - what message are you trying to send, especially to young women? IT’S NOT at all about denying yourself treats and only eating salad! The whole Gizzi meets Impact and URB point is that you can have your cake Have you got any tips for students and eat it - Life’s too short not to enjoy with shoestring budgets? food. What you can do though is make IT’S A really good idea to go for good sensible choices, cook ingredients in fresh ingredients as you need to look healthy ways and still have the ﬂavour. after yourself and your liver if you’re You have to look after yourself. A big always partying! I think buying organic grilled fry-up is perfect for a hangover, food is a load of rubbish if you haven’t too! got much money - regular fruit and For more information (or simply to veg is ﬁne. Try to avoid fatty fast foods perv on Gizzi) visit gizzierskine.com as you won’t get enough energy and and bbc.co.uk/headroom/grubclub

The secret diary of a

SEXAHOLIC Dose up on sex this winter Via Donna Jenkins and Anni Kasari’s naughty minds

AS THE nights get longer and the weather gets colder, your sex life need not go into hibernation. We don’t perform bedroom gymnastics only to be able to disrupt lectures with sex goss or as an interesting alternative to revision; it is actually vital to our wellbeing. Sex releases endorphins and makes us feel good about ourselves as well as being incredibly pleasurable: ladies, if a Kit Kat is normally the climax of your day, go wild tonight, try a Double Decker or even a Milky Way! 1. Strip off before you get fired up This one is as much for the health of your darling housemates as well as yours. Everyone is familiar with the flatmate who walks around with his head down and mumbles about not getting any for ages. Avoid becoming that grumbly monster, sex doesn’t take as long as a spa treatment and your workload will seem a whole lot lighter in the morning (even if you have a severe concentration deficit the next day!) 2. Avoid the Swine With everyone around you coughing and sneezing, your instinct tells you to go and stock up on Lemsips and Vix VapoRub. But have you thought of prescibing yourself a frequent dose

of sex? According to recent research, those of you who get down and dirty two or three times a week have a better immune system and hence less of a chance of catching the dreaded Swine this winter. 3. Sexercise Having trouble completing your thrice weekly thirty minutes of exercise this semester? Worry no longer, sexercise is the answer. Just half an hour of naughty fun can burn 85 calories or more - if you put the theory into practice, in just one semester (14 weeks) you could lose 3,570 calories: that’s more than seven Big Macs! 4. Boost your ego What could be better for your confidence than having someone explore and caress your body from your earlobes to your little toe? The after-sex effect is visible even to those around you: you become more approachable, smiley and conﬁdent - you’ll soon be surrounded by a group of followers wanting a taste of your personal sexual therapy. 5. Paracetamol on demand Fed up of your partner using the classic headache excuse for avoiding sex? Shove this in their face: ofﬁcial research has found that penetration is the new paracetamol: it reduces pain and turns the frown upside down.

Moustaches: Sex? AS MOST of you will be aware this month we are celebrating Movember, the facial hair ﬁesta organised in order to raise money and awareness for The Prostate Cancer Charity. Whether you go for the Hitler look or a huge handlebar, growing a ‘tash won’t just beneﬁt the less fortunate, but will also help those in need... of bedroom fun! Forget about your razors, girls love that tingly stubbly feeling, and not just on their chops - us Sexperts love that rough and ready, unshaven look! Here are a few of our favourites:

Johnny Depp: We’d ride your handlebar moustache any day! Dr House: Please prescribe us some of your moustache magnetism. Pedro: Vote for Pedro’s tash against your gash!

Elinor Huggett and Charlotte McCulloch’s view TILLEY’S, A small family run bistro serving French and English cuisine, is located between Sally Lunn’s and Demuths on North Parade Passage. We actually stumbled upon it quite by accident, as the original restaurant up for review was closed. The atmosphere is cosy, candlelit and romantic - the kind of venue chosen for a ﬁrst date (or quiet affair). We were seated to the relaxing sounds of Boyzone et al. and an authentic French waiter took our orders. The staff were very attentive, to the point of changing our water during the course of the meal to ensure it remained chilled. Although I did not practice my (fantastic) French on them, we did have a bit of a debate as to whether Paris actually counted as France. For a starter I chose a somewhat unusual salad which consisted of melon, strawberries, mixed salad, avocado and pine nuts with a light dressing. Despite the quirky ingredients, the combination worked really well and thus, quite understandably, was polished off quite quickly. My dinner date, Charlotte*,

in keeping with this week’s French theme, chose snails, which despite having never had them before, she thoroughly enjoyed. As a main course, I chose onion soup and Charlotte had a casserole, both of which exceeded expectations and had a certain je ne sais quoi which ensured maximum fulfilment and guaranteed a return visit! My one small criticism would be the cheesecake: it was supposed to be with vanilla and raspberry and tasted of, well, nothing. Charlotte also did not realize that her Crème Brulee would be doused with alcohol, but this could be seen to be a bonus and she definitely did not complain. Nevertheless, both deserts were beautifully presented and adorned with delicious tropical fruit. For 3 courses each, the bill came to around £42, which considering the full package, wasn’t too bad. Although the restaurant does not fall under a typical student budget, it is definitely worth dragging the parental unit to when they’re in town, and they do a reasonable lunch menu of 3 courses for £15.

BOEUF BOURGUIGNON FOR THOSE among you that like the idea of some indulgent French cuisine, but are tightening the purse strings in preparation for the Christmas season, Boeuf Bourgignon could be the perfect winter warmer. Chop a large onion roughly, and brown in plenty of oil in a large ovenproof saucepan for about 10 minutes. The browner the onion at this point, the richer and darker the gravy will turn out later. Add a couple of handfuls of cubed beef, maybe one handful per person (depending how greedy you are). Brown these off as well, keeping the temperature high and stirring constantly. This stage is fairly smoky, so windows open to avoid setting off the smoke alarm and annoying your housemates! Now remove the pan from the heat, and add a couple of ﬁnely chopped garlic cloves before stirring in a tablespoon full of plain ﬂour, so that

a paste is formed. Gradually pour in a couple of glasses of red wine (for once not a case of ‘the more the better’), then enough hot water that the beef is nearly submerged. Cover with a lid or some tin foil, and place in a warm oven (about 120 degrees) for at least an hour, preferably two. Half an hour before serving, add some chunkily chopped mushrooms, mixed herbs and seasoning, and return to the oven. This is delicious served with some combination mashed potato/rice/ baked potato, peas/broccoli/carrots/ spinach and a few glasses of the red wine used in cooking. * 1 or 2 tablespoons of oil * 1 large onion * A couple of handfuls of cubed beef * A couple of glasses of red wine * 2 cloves of garlic * Tablespoon of plain ﬂour *HERBS AND seasoning *SOMEONE TO impress?

The bum question WE KNOW that it’s a bit of a tricky one. During a recent tipsy conversation over a pint the bum-sex topic came up once again. We didn’t come to a clear conclusion: are all girls destined to scream in horror when your finger approaches her rosebud? Girls, do you dare reach into the depths in order to find the pleasure spot? And is bum-sex between the opposite sexes ever going to become socially acceptable or will it remain too porno for mainstream lovemaking? Send us your thoughts on Facebook (Bath Cupids) and we’ll deal with them most confidentially in order to put an end to this dilemma!

www.bathimpact.com/features

Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Features

Once in a blue Moon: obstacles ahead of the Copenhagen summit Ben Nunn Features Contributor THE COPENHAGEN summit, AKA the UN Climate Change Conference 2009, will take place between December 7 and 18 this year. This is the conference where world governments, led by the UN, will seek to replace the Kyoto protocol with a new framework to tackle climate change. It is hoped that after several years of civil servants shuttling across the globe and preparing the ground for the final agreement (helped no doubt by the change in US administration) a final agreement to help mitigate the worst of climate change can be reached. Since assuming the position of UN Secretary-General, Ban Ki-moon has had a leading position in these negotiations. Just before entering office, the new leader was told by Kofi Annan -- his predecessor -- of the words exchanged at the first handover of Secretary General: “You are about to take over the most impossible job on earth.” Indeed, trying to balance the views of 193 member states in order to reach a new agreement on climate change is no easy feat. The UN has warned that the catastrophic effects of climate change could lead to 600 million people starving in SubSaharan Africa: a dismal prospect used to motivate leaders into agreeing to a

new framework. Climate change should fit perfectly into the Secretary-General’s remit; the topic requires ‘softer’ power and is in the popular consciousness, whilst military action requires ‘harder’ power and can turn considerably sour if it goes wrong. It is far easier to convince Western governments to build more wind turbines than it is to commit to peacekeeping missions. Shoes to fill Annan’s time at the UN (as head of the peacekeeping operations unit and as Secretary General) was overshadowed by his controversial decision during the genocide in Rwanda, to order UN units to maintain neutral. The oil-for-food debacle paved the way for a potential scandal, in which both Annan’s son and program officials were accused of accepting kickbacks. Annan even tried to stop the publication of a UN exposé, written by then-UN employees and entitled “Emergency Sex and Other Desperate Measures”, which brought to light some of the failures of the UN. Given the criticality of the threat of climate change, Ban needs to get this agreement, after all, he now has a new US administration, which has shown keen signs of committing to a climate change deal. Instead African nations have walked-out of

the talks, boycotting them. No-one is sure if Obama will turn up to the Copenhagen talks in December. Ban’s tone has also changed: at a recent press conference he admitted that a ‘bindingtreaty’ is unlikely, instead the talks in

Copenhagen will form a ‘milestone’. Securing a binding agreement on climate change has the potential to be the pinnacle of Ban’s time as Secretary-General. Even the timing is right. On the other hand however, his

efforts may prove futile, just like his predecessor. Mr. Ban; it’s time to go back to UN headquarters and tackle internal corruption, it might prove more fruitful. Let the governments squabble between

Downing the Downturn

Josie Cox Features Co-Editor A LITTLE sniff, a puff now and then, and two or three lines will save the day. At least that’s what an increasing number of workers in London’s financial district are thinking, according to the founder of a renowned rehabilitation centre in the Square Mile. “It has a lot to do with the current economic environment,” Don Serratt, chief executive of the rehab centre, aptly named “Life Works”, told news agency Reuters, adding that 25 percent more people from the City have sought treatment for alcohol and cocaine abuse in the last few months.

that many people believe that illegal drugs are the only thing which will help them to “numb the pain” of these afﬂiction. Managing the Mix

“Either they have been made redundant or (they have) fears around being made redundant,” Serratt, a former addict himself, told the news agency in explaining why so many people are admitting to their potentially fatal habits right now. And health consequences trickling down from the slumping economy are evidently not a problem reserved for Britain: The American website drugrehab.com has also reported a rise in the number of people admitting that they have reached to illegal substances to see them through today’s tough economic times. Cases of “high blood pressure, weight gain, migraines, and bouts of depression” caused by stress are rocketing too, the site writes, adding

According to the Home Office, Britain has the highest number of cocaine users of any country in the European Union, with more than 12,300 adults believed to be receiving treatment for cocaine abuse at present. But cocaine is not the only vice. Although hundreds of industries have been smothered by falling consumer spending, sales of beer and other relatively cheap alcoholic beverages have remained incredibly stable, Dan Ahrens, an American investment adviser and author of a book called ‘Investing in Vice: The Recession-Proof Portfolio of Booze, Bombs, Bets and Butts’ said in an interview. Australia’s leading alcohol harmminimisation body has also reported that it expects to see an increase in alcohol related harm -- in the country that consistently ranks in the top ﬁve for annual beer consumption -- as a consequence of the credit crunch. But who’s to blame for this domino effect? Many believe the root of the problem lies in the companies themselves, many of which don’t

have any policy at all on drug and alcohol consumption. Very few companies do anything at all to help staff members who have fallen into the vicious circle of performingconsuming-performing. “A lot of ﬁrms, particularly with high performers, turn a blind eye and most of their staff, if not all, have had

no training in how to spot it and how to deal with it,” Serratt said. On that note, it seems that both consumers and employers may benefit from thinking about the expression “trying to put out fire with oil.” Perhaps then they will learn to manage the mix. Whatever the mixers may be.

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

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Features Dealing with conﬂict Copenhagen, Maldives or Bust? The University’s mediation service offers a way of resolving conflicts in the university community. Here, impact speaks to Marlene Bertrand, the

manager of the service.

THE UNIVERSITY has a mediation service for staff and students which offers a way of resolving conflicts in the University community. Here, impact speaks to Marlene Bertrand, Mediation Service Manager, who leads on this policy. The mediation service is an informal way of providing support if there has been a breakdown of a work or study relationship, whether it is the result of a long-standing dispute or a one-off argument. This could equally happen to a student as it could to a member of staff; take for example the working relationship between a supervisor and a student. “I’m sure most people can think of someone they know on campus who would benefit from having an impartial person to mediate in certain difficult situations,” said Ms Bertrand. “Mediation provides people with an impartial, confidential service where participants volunteer to come and talk through their dispute in a structured environment, try and find some common ground and identify their own solutions.” There are currently fourteen trained volunteer mediators. They all undertook Open College Network accredited training through Mediation at Work, an external organisation, and have already worked on several cases across the University. Mediators need to be able to identify the underlying issues and help staff and students to find their own solutions. The training focused on key mediation skills, including how to listen, be nonjudgemental and empathetic, and how to reflect back rather than advise. Amy Young, AWARE Advice and Development Advisor, completed the training in July 2007 and has put it into use. She said: “Although the cases I have

been involved with have been very different the underlying common factor was that of mis-communication or communication breakdown.” “Working within the AWARE Centre in the Students’ Union for 4 years, I have seen a number of students over the years who have experienced such difficulties and could have benefited from having the option of using a service such as mediation. Since the Mediation Service was launched a number of students have used the service as well as staff members.” “As mediators we are there simply to facilitate the meeting, not take sides and to assist the clients through the process, we are not there to give advice. This is very different from my job in AWARE and taking the mediation training has developed my skills both personally and professionally. Mediators are asked before taking a case to ensure that they have no previous knowledge of the case, therefore, because students often access the AWARE Centre to talk through options, I don’t get involved in any student cases, to ensure my impartiality.” Mediation is not an official grievance/ complaints process and is entirely confidential. Mediators don’t take notes and will only report the outcome to the Mediation Service Manager; the only detail on record is that mediation has been attended (so you don’t need to worry about it going on your student record). Mark Humphriss, University Secretary and Chair of the Equalities and Diversity Committee, supports this initiative, “Many people have benefitted from the mediation service over the past two years. It forms an important part of our commitment to ensuring good relationships for studying and working across the University”.

For details of the mediation service, see http://www.bath.ac.uk/universitysecretary/equalities/policies/mediation.html For details of the Dignity and Respect for Students and Staff of the University of Bath: Policy and Procedures for Dealing with Complaints, see http://www.bath.ac.uk/universitysecretary/equalities/policies/ 08dignityrespectpolicy.html Students can ﬁnd out more information about the Mediation Service by contacting the AWARE Centre found in the SU corridor 1East Level3, emailing aware@bath.ac.uk or phoning 01225 386906. You can also contact Marlene Bertrand on 01225 383098.

Alain de Bossart Features Contributor EXPERTS PREDICT that the Maldives archipelago of around one thousand two hundred islands

will be all but gone in around one hundred years. Eighty percent of the land mass is only a metre above a sea level that is rising at the breakneck speed of about one centimetre a year. Despite the lurking threat of becoming a country that only exists in history books, the Maldives remain an attractive destination for holidaymakers who regularly fork out thousands of pounds per person for a getaway to the sandy paradise. But tourism will not save the day, and the Maldivian government knows it. In a bid to provide a future home for concerned locals, it is now contemplating buying another landmass all together: a perfect illustration of why something has to change. In December, policymakers will be meeting at the latest United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen to negotiate new environmental policy before the Kyoto Protocols expire in 2012 (ed: see also Ben Nunn’s Feature). The foundational work for a successful summit is

done in the meetings immediately before the main conferences. Last week delegates met in Barcelona in the last talks before Copenhagen. As before similar meetings in the past, spats have erupted between

will have to be highly complex in order to be useful. With delegates holding their cards tightly to their chests, passing such a deal promises to be challenge teetering on the impossible.

communities in rich and poor countries. African nations have held a day-long boycott in protest of the strictness of targets, as rich countries grapple with the colossal

The main aim of any set of environmental talks is to determine the costs of polluting the environment. Naturally there are huge problems surrounding

challenge of reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 2020. To make matters worse, the media are pitching public expectations high as they convey the impression that chances are high of a political agreement being reached. The alternative to political accord would be a legally-binding set of protocols, but whatever the outcome, political agreements are often toothless, leading them to be dismissed as simple failures of international diplomacy. The key problem is that any deal

the question of how much each nation’s economy should cut emissions by and how these costs should be distributed. If talks in Copenhagen fail, and the terms of the Kyoto Protocol are not met, the governments’ last option may be to force the cost of environmental change onto individual firms. After all, it’s ultimately industry - led by multinational corporations (MNCs) - that are responsible for the damage done. Let’s seize the problem at its roots.

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

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Science

Is there a Lynx Effect? Cameron Squelch investigates A DISAPPOINTED Casanova has begun legal proceedings against Unilever because of the supposed absence of any ‘Lynx effect’. He used the deodorant for seven lonely years, in which he failed to get a single date. This caused him “depression and psychological damage”, and he wants £26,000. This may seem frivolous, but the case doesn’t look so clear cut if you consider that earlier this year, Unilever released a press release describing their new product, ‘Axcite’ (Axe is Lynx’s international name) as a “pheromone cologne that works as advertised. With Axcite, your results are guaranteed!... AXCITE™ contains a precise

ratio of ultra potent human sex pheromones GUARANTEED to make women notice you!” Defence lawyer Ram Jethmalani said; “there is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women... In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” A New Delhi court has ordered forensic tests on his empty cans; we thought best to carry out some of our own. As a preliminary, I went into the library doused in Lynx, and was stunned to find I was able to sit peacefully in

Is Nutt a nut? Flamwhistle Pentecost AS YOU’LL probably be aware, this week has seen a lot of pant-wetting over the sacking of the UK’s Chief Drugs Adviser, who, based on his research, came to believe that the government’s policy was about as misguided as a Jeffrey Dahmer recipe book. This was generally portrayed in the media as a case of a man who had discovered an incontrovertible truth being rectally violated by a government-sponsored cucumber. This isn’t quite the case, though, as scientific opinions are still just opinions, backed by a greater or lesser amount of evidence. It was generally assumed that when Nutt said cannabis was safer than alcohol or tobacco, he’d gathered enough evidence on the topic to resuscitate Princess Diana, but anyone actually looking at the 2007 paper (http:// twurl.cc/1ttz) on which his claims are based will have reasons to doubt this. What he studied Nutt wanted to know how harmful different drugs were, but as harm is a vague concept, he had to be more specific. So, he chose to define harm by three categories, which each had three criteria: physical harm (acute, chronic, intravenous), dependence (intensity of pleasure, psychological dependence, physical dependence)

and social harms (intoxication, health costs, other social harms). These seem fairly reasonable, though it’s important to bear in mind that different criteria could have led to different results, and the choice he made was fairly arbitrary. How he studied it Having set the terms, Nutt wanted data on them. While governments keep all kinds of data on drug use, he decided (again arbitrarily) to convene a focus group. As a blogger put it, this is the “rigorous clinical method of ‘asking people stuff.’” The group met several times, with each meeting featuring between eight and sixteen people, and discussing around four drugs. This is signiﬁcant, as it means different groups of people were present at the rating of different drugs, contradicting the basic scientific principle that every possible factor should be kept the same except the relevant variable. Participants all had professional experience of dealing with drug issues in fields like medicine, pharmacology, and the legal and police forces. However, as Nutt doesn’t name any of these people, the extent of their expertise remains unconﬁrmed. Each individual rated each drug by the nine criteria. Then, the ratings were discussed and people had the

the corner and read my copy of Winthrop Goober’s classic 1947 work “Feminism and the shoelace manufacture process: context and meaning”, without being mobbed by lustful femmes; boarding the bus in my musky state I was not so much as inappropriately groped, much to my dismay. Of course, this was not enough to draw any definitive conclusions, so we did a more rigorous experiment. Male editors were asked to wear Lynx or no deodorant on alternate days, and note down the female contact on each; we ended up with data for nine ‘Lynx days’, and eleven ‘dry days’. The results (on the left) were clear; editors were far more likely to experience most kinds of female contact on ‘Lynx days’, with the notable exception of the final type, which occured only once, on a dry day. Now, in the name of empiricism, we didn’t want to leap to

conclusions before we had full and irrefutable evidence; as our previous trial was not quite up to clinical standards, we conducted one more ‘double blind’. Eleven male volunteers shut their eyes, and were sprayed with either Lynx or a cheap substitute; they

chance to change their minds. As it has been found that people can be induced by peer pressure to incorrectly guess which of three lines is longest, even when the answer’s obvious, it’s not a stretch to imagine dissenting opinion disappearing due to this format, and the results appearing to give more of a consensus than was actually there. Additionally, it’s been found that when a group of people with similar opinions get together, they strengthen each other’s opinion, and the group view goes to extremes; if the group started with a slight suspicion that cannabis wasn’t so bad, this would be magniﬁed by the group setting. Thus a focus group probably isn’t an ideal setting to gather this kind (or any kind) of data.

Thus, it’s not entirely clear what to think of the study. What is clear, though, is that there is room for reasonable doubt, and so you can forgive Government Ministers for their failure to all spontaneously commit hara-kiri when the study was published.

Results Nutt’s data showed that his small group of unspeciﬁed experts believe alcohol and tobacco are more dangerous than cannabis. This by itself does not prove that the drugs actually are more dangerous; due to the low number of people involved, and the fairly lax method of datagathering, the study can’t really be said to prove very much at all. While it does have the advantage of agreeing fairly well with previous studies, this becomes less impressive when you know that participants were given copies of previous studies to look at before the focus groups took place.

were then introduced to impact’s female contingent, who noted down which emotions the smell of each provoked; a table of the results is on the left. They show that Lynx is 35 percent more arousing, boosts percieved fertility by 7 percent, and induces 60 percent less nausea than a competing deoderant. So the results are generally positive: while Lynx appears to have beaten a placebo in both of our carefully executed trials, the effect is rarely as dramatic as those portrayed in the advertisements; we recommend further investigations into both efficacy and possible side effects before Lynx is prescribed for cases of clinical ugliness.

BOTICELLI’S VENUS: women like this are waiting to meet you, as soon as you start wearing Lynx

Question everything (except this command) Scientific theories are like sausages; eating them without ﬁnding out how they were made can

lead to you consuming an excessive amount of sawdust and deer-brain. Now you’ve seen how Nutt makes his sausages, you can decide whether you want to eat them, or whether they contain just a little too much offal for your taste. Fundamentally, science is all about scepticism, and the insistence on proof. If you believe something because a scientist says it, without examining how they arrived at the conclusion, you might as well take your opinions from the back of a cereal box.

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Science Is the Gender Genie a genius? Technophile James Wilson investigates a psychic website THERE IS a website on the Internet that claims to be eighty per cent accurate in detecting the gender of the author. It’s called Gender Genie and when I copied all my old impact articles into it, every time it said, “The author of this text is male”. Result. So I found something a female friend wrote on Facebook and fed that in. “The author of this text is female.” With these results I thought it was amazing. The theory in the Gender Genie is that women use more personal pronouns than men do, whilst men use articles (‘a’ and ‘the’) more. Whilst this may not be immediately obvious to a reader, in large articles a computer program can pick up these signals and in theory give the author’s gender. At this University there is a campaign to get all coursework marked anonymously. However, if our language and possibly even our handwriting give away information that could be used to work out our identities, is there any point? It’s for this reason I have reservations when people say there is too much infringement on our civil liberties

as we thoughtlessly give too much information about ourselves away. One of the problems in testing the Genie via impact articles is that newspaper articles tend to be passive, without many pronouns, which the Genie recognises as male. Therefore, nearly everyone’s articles come out as male, which is why it always worked when I ﬁrst tried it. The Guardian newspaper gave it a try, and had the same problem. I had a new theory though: maybe the newspaper effect shifts everyone towards male, so if I look at the percentage of how male an article is maybe we can still tell the gender of an article’s author. Testing with other impact articles quickly put paid to this, with Debora Sönksen’s article on Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize the most male article in the last two issues, whilst male Bath graduate Deltoid Arpeggio’s article on his workmate Larry was the most female. Even totting up the scores of all the male and female articles, whilst the the boys do have more man points than the girls, the difference is not statistically signiﬁcant.

Notes from the real world Deltoid Arpeggio YOU REMEMBER all the guys you went to school with but didn’t really get on with? The ones who never went to university and drifted out of your life? The rugby team? I’ve found them. Every single one of the stupid bastards is sitting with me, smiling like lobotomised toddlers as we watch the animated adventures of Napo. Napo is a mute man whose sole talent is failing to correctly apply health and safety regulations. This is where I am: doing a course known as the ‘safety passport’ which will green-light me onto nuclear plants and suchlike. Many people hold nothing but contempt for health and safety, particularly Daily Mail readers. (Can I be bothered to take the obligatory crack at those verminous fools? No.) Many see the health and safety workers as meddling dogooders with no feet on the ground. They see them as the same type of person who made it wrong to be racist to gypsies, slap women’s bums, and other obviously good and harmless activities. I do not share this view; all my contempt is reserved for those that need the health and safety executives’ help: the people who now surround me , bre athing through their mouths and

struggling to derive the moral of Napo’s story about “Wet Floor” signs. The teacher of this class, a friendly and patient man who obviously does not mind me setting my own hair alight through sheer boredom, repeats every fact carefully. He does not want any of these gems slipping past the pupils, a range of lads from low twenties up to sixty year olds. There is a test at the end of the morning. Twenty multiple choice questions along the lines of, “Which is safer, a properly secured harness or a flaming barrel of gunpowder?” These are marked in front of us. As they are, the Darwinian disaster beside me turns and says, “The pressure’s on, innit?” I really hope this one never gets let into a power plant, unless they’ve found a way to make boundless stupidity spin a turbine. At this point dear reader, you may be thinking that making fun of slow people is rather unfair and probably morally wrong. You’re absolutely right. They have other attributes. They’ve been let down by the system. They’re good people at heart. Annoying and imbecilic, but good. Congratulations on being right. You have conquered the moral high ground. And killed this article in mid-flow. You bastard.

So does this mean the Genie is useless? No. Different articles written by the same person often have scores that can be unnervingly similar. News editor Chris Wotton and co-features editor Siân Lewis are especially consistent. This means that if the story was attributed to the wrong person I would have a decent chance of spotting it. The same technique could be used to spot coursework cheating. Similar techniques have been used to conﬁrm whether Shakespeare wrote all of, or merely contributed towards some of the plays attributed to him. What you really want to know

GENIE SIMMONS: Wow, it’s a boy

Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

though is if the identity of the anonymously written ‘More than friends and back again’ article (from the last issue) can be discovered. Alas, I’m not able to help you due to there being too many possible writers. Of course, I wouldn’t help you if I could as no one would every write anonymously for impact again. However, with fewer potential candidates, it could be done. For all I know the Gender Genie may work on long pieces of ﬁction, or even on Facebook messages, but it’s not much better than 50-50 on impact articles. That doesn’t stop it being fun though. Adjacent is a table of the most male writers in impact over the last couple of issues. I’ve included everyone with at least two articles. The data is adjusted to take account of the male bias a newspaper article will have. Try it - this article should come out as a dead heat: http://bookblog.net/ gender/genie.php Name % Male Chris Wotton 63% Josie Cox 60% Debora Sönksen 59% Julia Lipowiecka 59% Gina Danielle Reay 59% Steve Ramsey 55% Alain de Bossart 53% Sam Foxman 49% James Wilson 49% Phil Bloomfield 46% Sean Lightbown 44% Siân Lewis 40% The Sexperts 39% Rebecca Stagg 38% Deltoid Arpeggio 37% Madame Soufflé 25%

Puzzle corner This week, a guest sits in our corner: the late Carl Gustav Hempel SITTING IN the impact office last week, I heard the strained wails of an editor in distress: it was Tim, our Caporegime, beset by disgust at the long windedness and unnecessarily density of the article ‘Conceptual models and the Cuban Missile Crisis’ by Graham Allison, which contained, among other gems, this wonderful quote from Mr Hempel:

“[An explanation] answers the question, ‘Why did the explanadumphenomenon occur?’ by showing that the phenomenon resulted from particular circumstances, speciﬁed in Cl, C2... Ck, in accordance with laws Lo, L2... Lr. By pointing this out, the argument shows that, given the particular circumstances and the laws in question, the occurrence of the phenomenon was to be expected; and it is in this sense that the explanation enables us to understand why the phenomenon occurred.”

Perv of the week: 700 Brazilian students, who assembled outside a womens’ toilet in which a miniskirt-clad student was being guarded by a teacher. They began chanting “Let her out Professor, we want to rape her”. impact factoid of the week: In the past few years, several cats have been awarded academic degrees, one of which was dead at the time. My budgie Joey was recently ordained as the Reverend Joey Ramsey of the Universal Life Church. Quote of the week: “I’m in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness”. The Jeremy Clarkson Major Piece of Shit award this week goes to... Jeremy Clarkson, for his Times article “I’ve got a solution for the rainforest: napalm the lot.”

Clarkson major piece of shit award 2: David Wiltshire, an MP who channelled £100,000 of Parliamentary expenses into a company he owned, and, having been criticised, compared his treatment to the Holocaust. Revolutionary discovery of the week: “sleep deprivation can negatively affect information processing”. Revolutionary discovery of the week 2: rainwater is safe to drink, according to a new study. This explains the long standing mystery of how homo sapiens survived before water treatment plants. Bravery award: AA Gill, for shooting a harmless baboon - “A soft-nosed .357 blew his lungs out... Not a bad shot.” He added in explanation that “one of the reasons I killed [was] to get a sense of what it might be like to kill someone, a stranger.” Bravery award 2: Passengers on a train through Fife, who, seeing a passenger dressed as a sheep running through the carriage on fire, threw beer at him.

Last week’s solution Congratulations to Ogle Shard, who translated Cathryn Mitchell’s quote as follows: “While it is not yet clear whether or not a squid eating dough out of a polyethylene bag is indeed fast and bulbous, as Van Vliet’s seminal 1969 work speculated, it is certainly clear that a rooster toasting paninis from the back of a moving vehicle is taking a big risk with its life and the lives of others.”

Expensive toy award: the Large Hadron Collider, which suffered massive overheating when a bird dropped a bit of baguette into the accelerator ring Good use of research funds award: NASA scientists, who plan to irradiate monkeys to see how they’re effected, presumably in the hope they will develop either special powers or cancer.

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Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Sabbs’ Corner

What’ve the SABBS been doing recently? SU President: 418 style service is reinstated!

YES! THIS is the news so many of you have been waiting for! After personally receiving a large number of complaints regarding the void in the bus service regarding First terminating their 410 earlier this summer, ensuring a bus service was returned to this area has been one of the top priorities on my to do list (holding up our end of the bargain with regards to “You said. We did!”). This particular opportunity came about when I pressed for a meeting with Kevin Edge, Deputy

Vice Chancellor, Martyn Whalley, Director of Estates, and Richard Smith from the Transport division in B&NES. Knowing that a review of the new Code of Practice was soon to commence, I took this meeting as an opportunity to enhance the service for students, especially those living in Upper Oldfield Park now deprived of a direct service to campus – making it difficult to get to the University in time for early 8.15 lectures. After convincing all parties that there was room for improvement within the new system, we agreed that, to be as fair as possible, we would invite both First to re-register their 410, and Wessex Connect to run a similar service. I’m thrilled to announce that after the University invited both service providers to run a 410-type service to campus, they have both come back with a “yes”! This is fantastic news and a real win for students. It hopefully demonstrates that the

Students’ Union can really influence the decisions that affect us all. Unfortunately due to the time it takes to register bus services (often taking up to 8 weeks), this will not be an immediate change. We envisage both operators to start running their new services after the Christmas break - ready for the new semester. Both operators are currently working with lan Ayres, a traffic consultant and developer of the new Code of Practice, to ensure that the timetabling of the new services operate within it efficiently and effectively. One of the major benefits of having two bus operators this year is that they generate a healthy competition. Hopefully First’s 410 and Wessex Connect’s U10 will be no exception to this, and students living in the area will not only get a needed service but also a choice of operator. Daniel O’Toole - SU President

Richard Butterfield VP Activities and Development SUactivities@bath.ac.uk ON SATURDAY 7th November, Rag held its’ annual Family Fireworks display up on campus. Around 4000 people descended on the University to enjoy the fabulous display and entertainment on offer. A funfair, several carnival stores and food outlets were on hand to keep spectators busy before and after the fantastic display. Gravity Vomit managed to put on a fire and glow show, BodySoc did their thing, and Cheerleaders braved the rain to get everyone in the mood for the main star of the show – the firework display. A grand total of £4,996.96 was raised on the night, an increase of o ve r £2,000 on l as t y e ar. This year’s total may well be the highest amount ever raised at the event. A big well done to the collectors, some of whom came

from Manchester, Bournemouth and Bristol Rags to help raise the funds. On behalf of the coordinators, a big thank you to all those who helped put the event together, all those who volunteered and performed, and also everyone who donated to the Rag General Appeal. The next Rag event is the Sleepout, taking place on 26th November. The sleepout is a well known event on campus, in which students are sponsored to spend the night sleeping rough in front of the library to get an idea of what it is like to be homeless in Bath. The event raises money for Julian House, a local homeless charity. Soup and hot drinks are provided for the participants, as well as a competition for the best cardboard shelter made. To sign up, please go to the Volunteer Centre, or for more information email sleepout@ bathrag.com.

Fees, Fees and more Fees!

Vice President Education George Charonis provides an update on tuition fees WITH GOVERNMENT having launched the review of tuition fees last week, debates are becoming more heated by the day! The review, independent of government, is due to report back after the next general election. This has provided politicians and political Parties a ‘blanket’ behind which to hide, as statements now being made often attribute a lack of stance on fees to the fact that there should be no comments before the review is complete. Student leaders across the country

are campaigning to make fees a doorstep issue for the general election, and Parties will face pressure to publicly state their views on and plans for the funding of universities. On Wednesday 11th November, the National Union of Students (NUS) called an emergency day of action to demonstrate in London and lobby in parliament. Hundreds

of students and Students’ Union officers, including our Students’ Union Vice President Education, George Charonis, were present at the proceedings. In addition to the ‘blanket’ created for politicians by the review of fees, the membership of the review panel has caused outrage amongst student representatives. The panel is made up of several business and university representatives, and one student. This has caused fear that the student voice may be

muted by other stakeholders in the final outcome of the review. But the above is not the only action that has been taken on the part of students! On October 22nd a ‘Town Takeover’ took place in Bristol, where numerous students from the Universities of Bath, Bristol, Bath Spa, The West of England, and Exeter gathered in a flash mob to demonstrate

against an increase in tuition fees. The flash mob involved students forming into a pound shape in the area of College Green, near Bristol City Centre. In the evening of the 22nd a Panel Debate was held, where the Pro-Vice Chancellor (Learning & Teaching) of the University of Bath, Professor Ian Jamieson, was a member of the panel. Professor Jamieson explained how Universities and government need to make difficult choices regarding their priorities. Universities need more funding, and either funding can be increased in order to maintain a world class higher education (HE) system, or funding can remain at current levels, sacrificing the competitiveness of HE in the UK. In his opening remarks, Professor Jamieson commented on the NUS alternative to tuition fees, expressing mixed feelings of support in some areas and concern in others. The NUS alternative, known as the Blueprint, is based on the idea of a graduate contribution, whereby up-front fees are abolished altogether and students pay a tax according to their income for a period of 20 years, once their earnings exceed a certain threshold amount. By the end of December a total of ten Town Takeovers will have taken place across the UK, with more campaigning to come in the New Year. Bath University Students’ Union (BUSU) is looking to keep the campaign alive on a local as well as national scale, so keep an eye out and if you’d like to know more or get involved, then email sabbs@bath.ac.uk!

FIREWORKS: photo courtesy of Hayley Schofield. James Christmas VP Sport SUsport@bath.ac.uk THANK YOU to all who engaged with the sabbs or Sports Association Exec last week with your opinions on sports facility usage. The feedback was fantastic; there were over 150 responses about the recreational use of the free facilities and over 900 responses about club facility use. Your responses are now being analysed so that they can be presented to the University to try and make the changes that you want made. With such a strong

backing from students (shown by the sheer number of responses) we have a brilliant opportunity to influence the University. This research will be used to ensure that we are representing you on the views that matter to you the most, we need to know that what we are talking to the University about is actually what the students want

so our engagement is crucial. We are continuing with the strategy for sports engagement this week and next to try and identify

what students perceive TeamBath to be? This week please look out for the sabbs and SA Exec again who will be asking that question to as many students as possible. The 5 most common answers will then be put up as a bathstudent poll next week so that we can canvass the whole student population with the question to find out what exactly students at Bath think. Again please do engage with anyone you see out clip boarding this week and do make an effort to vote in the poll next week. If you have any other comments or questions about sport here at Bath, either recreational or at competition level please get in touch wit me at SUsport@ bath.ac.uk. We are keen to make sure that it remains high on the Universities agenda this year as we know you are passionate about it.

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IMPACT Monday 16 Movember 2009

‘I have five hundred friends... but I only know a few of them’

Comment

Mirrors Laurence Whitaker Contributor

You know not what you’ll see You know not who you are Yet you know how you’ll feel Hopeless nostalgia for Everything From the perfect past

Our prematurely aged fresher continues his regular “aren’t people shit?” column - this week’s rant is about Facebook I WAS baffled today – my friend told me that her old Year Seven drama teacher is going to the same gig as her. No, I wasn’t baffled by the similarity in their music choices, after all who doesn’t love a bit of Weller? What confused me was how a student could find out where their old teacher was going for a night out… the answer was Facebook. Now I know that young people these days like this Facebook site and my view may be perceived as somewhat oldfashioned, but please, respect an old man and continue to read my pre-senile ramblings. The aforementioned person then continued to tell me that an ex of theirs had sold four Henry Hoovers to Ron Weasley. So far as I can see Facebook is doing a great job of connecting those who would never normally have stayed in touch and as such have nothing of any interest to say to each other. Though I must say I did take a great interest on what on earth Ron Weasley was doing buying Henry Hoovers at all, let alone four of them. I have a Facebook account; yes,

I may be prematurely aged but I still have Facebook. I have about 250 friends, not because I’m lonely but because I don’t make online friends with people I barely know... I know all my friends, they are people I speak to, like and meet up with in the real world as well, or people who I know well but geographically cannot see face to face. I overheard someone say the other day that if you don’t have Facebook then you’re a social reject. Well that’s just plain wrong isn’t it! Anyone can have a Facebook account; they are even likely to have lots of friends as hardly anyone ever seems to deny a request. A person without a Facebook is not a social reject but perhaps a rejecter of society. Some people seem to resent Facebook and other social networking sites just because they are new technology… that’s ignorant. I don’t like that. If new things make life easier or better than I’m all for them. In my parents’ generation you’d agree to meet up outside Woolworths; if your friend didn’t appear you’d

dejectedly go home having wasted half a day only to see them the next day and discover they were on the other side of the shop. Now you just send a text and find each other… perfect! Facebook has its uses; I lazily arranged to go out with my flatmate last week using Facebook despite the fact that he was in a room on the floor above at the time. But spending hours making online friends with people you don’t really know or care about, or telling your old teacher what gigs you go to… that’s not useful or beneficial, that’s timewasting displacement activity. What I’m trying to say is that Facebook, text messaging, GPS, ad infinitum aren’t the problems, it’s our attitude to these new things that is the problem. They do not replace common sense, effort and skill, they just enhance those things. So next time you go to make a friend on Facebook consider if they’re really your friend if you wouldn’t chat to them in the street then why waste an evening doing so online?

Red, rose, rouge Wrong The way things were is not How things really were For then you were comics, sneakiness and optimism Now you are dictionaries, honesty and pessimism Once you were nature and stolen kisses, great redwoods Now you are sweet perfumes and perfunctory gazes, oak trees Memories are candles, crinkled Smiles and a shared sunrise Facts are fearful fumblings Tense and overrated So do not spoil the past With fact-ﬁlled glances In the mind’s mirror of memory For the past should always stay Fantastical till the last

Sacked for doing his job? Chris Roche Contributor

On Friday, the chair of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, Professor David Nutt, was sacked by the government for statements he made in his capacity as an academic in psychiatry and neuropharmacology. These statements were not radical and did not contain any novel conclusions; they referred to previously published data concerning the relative harms of several psychoactive drugs including alcohol, LSD, cannabis, tobacco and ecstasy. Professor Nutt is of the opinion that government policy should be based on evidence and scientific analysis, not on ignorant bias and political point scoring. This was also a key manifesto pledge by the Labour party before they came to power in 1997. Sadly, the approach of using informed rationale to guide policy is not the modus operandi of our government. The views of Professor Nutt and the recommendations of his Council, an unpaid group of the

most qualified and respected experts in their respective fields, have been disregarded wholesale by the government since Gordon Brown came to power. Instead of following the advice of the Council, this government has repeatedly pandered to certain elements of the media in an attempt to appear tougher on drugs than the Conservatives in the eyes of an ill-informed but electorally significant section of the populace. The destruction and misery associated with some drugs, especially those with high dependency profiles and/or those causing serious harm to the self or third parties, is significant and can be reliably linked to many other social ills, from antisocial behaviour and petty theft to violent crime and murder. Whether some of these problems are more the result of current legislation and prohibition than drug use itself is a debate for another day. Regardless, it makes the issue of drugs too important to be abused by the political elite as a tool for retaining power. The job of the

government with respect to drugs, regardless of their current legal status, should be to reduce the harm they inflict on individuals and communities, and not to use drugs as a political tool for attracting voters who are anxious and fearful of the impact that drug distribution and use have on social stability. The Council that Professor Nutt chaired, from which, at the time of writing, five of his colleagues have resigned in protest at his removal, is a legislated requirement of the 1971 Misuse of Drugs Act. The Council is supposed to offer independent expert advice on matters relating to the harm caused by drug use. For the chair of this Council to be sacked because his views do not support government policy is of serious concern because it completely undermines the independence of the Council. Should Council members only be allowed to present findings when they can be used by the government to further their own agenda? Should drug policy, or any government policy for that matter, be based

on the wishes of politically aligned media outlets? Those suffering as a result of drug abuse deserve better. They deserve a drugs policy based on frank debate and honest assessment of data, which can only be achieved if such debate is detached from party politics

and held firmly in the realm of independent academics. Research, analysis, debate and logic must be the guiding principles of drug policy, not the prospect of a thumbs up from Rupert Murdoch and supportive editorial from the Daily Mail.

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

www.bathimpact.com 14

“The show was over in a blur of nervous whispering in the wings, swaying, clapping, beaming at the fantastic singers, and stumbling off stage in the dark. All we had to do now was wait for the finale - so we went to Parade for some motivational cocktails.”

This year, the indefatigable Show In A Week centred on that most recent of nostalgic decades: The Nineties. We had Boy Bands, Sonic the Hedgehog, B-boys, B-Girls, David Hasselhoff, Jarvis Cocker, Lara Croft, Mario, Miniskirts, Britpop, Crash Bandicoot, and of course The Millennium Bug. If you’re looking at these pictures and feeling a little envious, all we can advise is that you get involved with the arts societies so that you’re in with a shot of performing next time round. Trust us, it’ll be worth it. We’re jealous just looking at the pictures...

“I’d like to thank all of the Backstage crew for their efforts over the week, especially the freshers who I hope learnt a lot and of course all the performers who gave us some acts to put on a show for.”

“The play w the audienc appreciated videos, sexual emotional di made it a tr show.”

“It’s strange that something that took up so much of our time was over so quickly, and I would say that I don’t know what to do with the free time, but I do: sleep!”

Fruit and Veg Catwalk

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ent well and ce definitely the nudity, escapades and alogue which ruly “family”

Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

CrossMedia TV News Social

Rag ﬁreworks

Photos: Alex Peacock, Matthew Nutt, Katie Rocker

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Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Comment

Is it ‘cause I’m gay? Felix Slade Contributor

I am not a “Grow your own gay best friend”. Contrary to popular belief, I am incapable of advising you on whether your fetish for a new La Roux hairstyle would be appropriate or not; I will not take you shopping and talk about my sexual encounters with other men - the notion that my homosexuality would naturally encourage me to do so is false - and I will most emphatically not ooh and ahh over the new High School Musical calendar given my pathological hatred for Zac Efron and anything to do with the vacuous idiot. This, it would appear, is the collective galloping consensus of a good number of students at the University of Bath who are increasingly attempting to adopt me and my close friends in the LGBT circle as their token gay best friend in a student community led by misguided and offensive stereotypes. To assume that I will automatically construct a friendship with someone based on my sexual orientation

and their unwavering keenness for a gay best friend is drastically and horrendously offensive. It is based on the archaic and bigoted assumption that I will employ certain behaviours and mannerisms based purely on who I’m attracted to. Let me ﬁrmly and staunchly dispel this myth now, and assert the extent of my hatred of this preconceived idea, which is a latent form of homophobia. To attempt to befriend me based on my being gay is to attempt to put me into a box which does not accommodate any other aspect of my personality or character. I despise the invasion of personal space when someone learns that I am gay, as if this permits someone to attach themselves to me to my arm or, even worse, in a suffocating embrace like an unwelcome leech. I loathe that vague acquaintances probe me to the point of harassment about who they assume I have slept with the night before, when I am, in fact, committed to someone seriously and don’t live up to the odious reputation of gay promiscuity. When I am addressed as darling, sweetie or

babe I feel patronised and as if these labels are only being used because I am gay; such nicknames would not be mirrored with my heterosexual counterparts, or, more pertinently, with my lesbian ones, and so should categorically not be used in shallow attempts to endear and befriend me. One massive part of the problem is that a significant proportion of the LGBT population seem to live up to these stereotypes of homosexual culture as a defence mechanism, and because they don’t feel secure with this huge aspect of their life. Conversely, I sincerely believe that a vocal minority of the gay male population exists who explicitly play up to these predetermined stereotypes for attention and to prove some weird point about being different. This in itself is a shocking contradiction to the whole notion of the LGBT campaign – we want equality, not divergence, and this will not be attained as long as divisive ﬁgures exist within our community who promote insincere stereotypes creating a disparity between media

conceptions of gay men and the humble reality. I am not here to persecute the fantastic new culture of the UK which does allow for freedom of personal expression and acceptance of different strands of society. However, preconceived notions of how I should behave or where my interests should lie based on my sexual preference provoke the most vociferous of frustrations which are certainly

echoed within the LGBT community. Just as it would not be appropriate to befriend someone based purely on their ethnic origins, it is utterly inappropriate to befriend me or my fellow gay counterparts based on their sexual attraction. Please, think before you ask us to go shopping or share details of sexual encounters; most of us aren’t interested, and we resent the expectation that we should be.

BRUNO: Enforcing the stereotypes?

Reflections on the BNP’s Question Time appearance Kenny Cunniffe Contributor

Three weeks have now passed since Nick Grifﬁn infamously lined up on the BBC’s flagship debate programme Question Time and the dust had now settled, or is at least resting. It is now important to look at what impact this appearance has had, electorally and otherwise. According to a YouGov poll for the Daily Telegraph on the 24th of October (two days after the broadcast), the BNP’s projected vote in a general election increased from 2% to 3%. Although this may seem a minor increase and still a very low percentage, it is still a 50% rise in their support. This increase does not tell the entire story... So there I am, sat in front of my little television eagerly anticipating a broadcast on which most people had already formed an opinion. I am though ashamed to say, despite the interest I had in the programme and the looming (unfinished) coursework deadline for the next day, I peered at the spectacle over the screen of my laptop which was (as always) logged into Facebook. But herein lies my ﬁrst point. The sheer number of my apolitical friends who had statuses regarding the programme was overwhelming. On the night people were actively discussing the BNP in a productive

manner, not merely making jokes on Nick Griffin’s appearance or the peculiarity of some of the people in the audience. So my first point on the show’s impact is that it seemed to, at least in a very limited survey, engage people in politics, which is surely a good thing. The flip side to this coin is that with an increased audience comes an increased chance that people become sympathetic to the views of the BNP. I will not try to put across my own political views, nor do I think that anyone’s political views should be dismissed out of hand, but in a completely objective way a growth in the support for the BNP would be detrimental to social harmony and would make the country a more dangerous place to live. With an audience of 8 million people on the night, Nick Griffin was correct in thinking that at least some proportion of those would agree with his policies. It was even announced by the BNP that during the show some three thousand people had signed up to the party during the course of the programme. It was for this reason that David Dimbleby rightly asked whether the BNP’s appearance on the show was like “Christmas coming early”. A third point I would like to raise is about how Griffin was actually dealt with on the night. Now I doubt that

people still have vivid recollections of the programme itself, or the way Griffin was specifically addressed, but here is what I picked up on. One thing I remember is that none of the four other panellists would engage in direct conversation with the BNP leader, preferring to speak to the audience regarding “Mr. Griffin” in a derogatory way, often barely even making eye contact with him. I think this was the wrong way to go about things. Actively engaging in debate with him would have been the best tactic to dismiss his views, rather than pretending that Griffin barely existed, and that the points he was raising weren’t worth disputing. The point is, for a proportion of the electorate and the audience, his views had got them thinking. Secondly I refer to the one gentleman who ‘inadvertently’ asked a question to ‘Dick Griffin’. Regressing to playground immaturity is something I doubt even Griffin would do, and shows that the show had turned into of a spectacle for people looking for a cheap laugh, rather than an active debate of policy. That the BNP were even invited onto the programme says something in itself. The BNP’s policies, particularly immigration policies, are clearly salient issues to voters, especially in times of recession when jobs are difficult to come

by. Simply put, the main political parties are not addressing the issue of immigration, understandably, because it is such a sensitive political issue. But this avoidance has lead to the BNP gaining popularity. To reverse this the leaders of the main political parties should alter their policy, to signify that they are listening to the people. If people have a view, and no doubt people do have a view on immigration, then the Parliament that represents them should do something with

those views. I am not in favour of banning political parties from Westminster because everyone is entitled to representation, but I would rather the more moderate political parties address people’s fears relating to immigration. What can we do about these problems? The answer is simple. Do not vote for them at the next general election. And in the meantime, to practice, please ensure that Jedward receive as little electoral support as the BNP.

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IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Anybody can play guitar THIS WEEK, Foo Fighters released a greatest hits album. Not especially big news really, given that they jumped the shark into stadium rockdom a fair while ago. But what did prick my curiosity as I watched a hilariously overlong TV commercial for the package was the details of the release: the two new tracks they were adding were to be released on ‘Rock Band’ at the same time as the actual release. Granted ‘Wheels’ and ‘Word Forward’ are a world away from the Foos at their best (‘Monkey Wrench’, ‘All My Life’ etc.), but there’s a certain ingenuity to Dave Grohl’s latest marketing strategy. Rock Band and other games of its ilk have split much of the music industry. Remember Pink Floyd’s Nick Mason snifﬁly dismissing the game as a waste of time last year? “It irritates me having watched my kids do it - if they spent as much time practising the guitar as learning how to press the buttons they’d be damn good by now.” I’m just as bafﬂed as Nick by the phenomenon, and even more so following hearing through a family friend that his son had been accepted into the school band following an audition as a drummer; despite the fact that he’d learnt his trade playing Rock Band on the Xbox 360. But equally, one can search

FOO FIGHTERS: It’s only rock and Grohl, but he likes it YouTube for footage of Prog dinosaurs THIS WEEK, we’re again full of Rush playing their very own ‘Tom content to ease those tired minds and Sawyer’ on Rock Band; only to see weary wintered bodies. Alex Drake them completely sucking at it. It all looks into the weird world of Lil seems very backwards. Wayne whilst Weezer’s Raditude But Grohl himself spoke to MTV. and Flight of the Conchords’ I com and laid out his position on the Told You I Was Freaky each succeed video game industry’s relationship in amusing our reviewers, but for with the music industry: not as a very different reasons. Turn to the learning resource, but as a means of centre page spread for everything distribution: “’Rock Band’ is totally related to Show In A Week. This changing the way kids are getting their editor’s jealous he couldn’t take part. music these days... I think it’s cool”. Sam Foxman has returned from Maybe he’s right, and maybe this is exile to bring us another installment the future for music consumption: of his Bible review: this week the instead of being a passive listener, the theme seems to be ‘prohibition’. new music fan becomes an active part Finally, we hit number two of our of the experience. Perhaps it’s time we features on the ICIA’s work on broke down the fourth wall of music campus: if you’re feeling a little blue, in our homes, dropped the air guitars there’s nothing better than a bit of cut price culture to warm you up. and strapped on the controllers.

The Good

The Bad

...The Ugly

AHA AHA: That’s the way I like it

Steven Tyler has been in and out of Aerosmith this week: original reports said that guitarist Joe Perry had ‘tweeted’ just to say that the band were after a new singer. Unfortunately it appears that the most entertaining news story this week isn’t true: Tyler emerged breathless at a Joe Perry solo show to announce that he wasn’t in fact leaving Aerosmith. What a shame. We were already hoping for an American Idol style talent show to select a new frontman for the withered rockers. Judged by Liv Tyler.

Lil Wayne has announced a release date of November 17 for his under the scalpel biopic. Entitled The Carter, it’s touted as “Don’t Look Now for the rap generation”. We’d pour water on that assumption, but seeing as the ﬁlm was nominated for the coveted Sundance Prize, it seems this one might actually be good. Judging by the moody looking dark trailer, this is set to be more than just your standard guns, bitches and money rap dvd. http://tinyurl. com/impthecarter

FUCKED UP: Feed the World - but only after he’s eaten Canadian hardcore punkers Fucked Up are due to re-record “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” for various ‘marginalised causes’ with various other ‘marginalised’ artists. The group won the $20,000 Polaris Prize for groundbreaking Canadian music, and have decided to use the money to recruit an army of artists including Yo La Tengo, No Age, GZA of Wu Tang Clan (!!!), TV on the Radio and Vampire Weekend. We’re praying the GZA gets the “thank God it’s them instead of you” line.

Norwegian pop dinosaurs A-ha are to call it quits after far too long. Although it might be cruel to suggest that they’ve been riding the wave of success from ‘Take On Me’ for far too long, it would be equally cruel to not say that that song is possibly up there for best pop song of the decade. The band haven’t given any reason for the split, but their ﬁnal concert will be in their home town of Oslo. Double trouble Hollywood trailer action: footage of the rather epic looking Clash of The Titans remake has surfaced. It looks a little like the ﬁnal battlescenes from Lord of the Rings except with, erm, giant scorpions and medusas. http:// tinyurl.com/imptitans And yet another superhero movie (yawn) starring Bath inhabitant and master of his one facial expression, Nicholas Cage. Kickass has the revelatory premise that no-one involved actually has any powers at all. http://tinyurl.com/impkickass

Guillermo del Toro, currently directing The Hobbit, has cast himself as an extra. Not just any extra however: he’s set to star as a mysterious, shadow lurking creature. The director has designed his own costume featuring ‘appliances on his face’ (ed: I hope he’s not talking about microwaves) and has said that he has a line or two, but ‘dies quickly’.

DEL TORO: He’s on the left, by the way

Entertainments

Lil Wayne: Big Money

Alex Drake takes a peek at the sizzup dosed rapper’s bank balance EVER TURNED on the radio and felt that all of today’s music sounds the same? Well, I have, and now I know why! It’s because Lil’ Wayne is guest featured on almost every song out there. He’ll jump on a beat no matter the genre of music, just as long as it gets him promotion and gets him paid. It appears that record execs have concluded that getting Weezy to drop some rhymes on your pop-star’s single will get it that extra promotion. But the New Orleans rapper doesn’t come cheap, as he reportedly told Rolling Stone magazine “I wouldn’t do a beat for my sister for less than $75,000”! This hasn’t stopped him though, as he’s collaborated with artists ranging from Enrique Iglesias and Madonna to Chris Brown and Ludacris. If you’ve got a spare couple of hours you could even scroll down the extensive list Wikipedia has compiled! News came out the other week that Lil’ Wayne has been sentenced for gun possession (charges dating back to summer ’07) and will probably have to serve up to a year behind bars. Fans shouldn’t get worried though as he plans to release two albums whilst in the penitentiary, and God can only imagine how

much material he’ll conjure up whilst he in there. It’s still a shame as I’ve always had a fascination with the deluded genius that is Lil’ Wayne. The man is an obsessive workaholic and continues to drop tracks like a true rapper, dosed on his trademark sizzup: codeine laced cough mixture. And let’s be honest, no other rapper could get away with the lyrical metaphors Wayne does. The self-proclaimed “best rapper alive” intends to release a rock album in December and then follow it up with The Carter IV whilst in his cellblock. If this is too long to wait you can always scour the Internet for a ton of leaked material. In the meantime, the impact team wishes Weezy Baby the best of luck.

The Thing Odeon Cinema 21st November 22:45 Showing ONLY Oh man, this has got us excited. John Carpenter’s classic horror thriller is back on the big screen for one night only. Whilst not as terrifying as Ridley Scott’s Alien, it marries the thick as treacle tension that characterised Carpenter’s revolutionary Assault On Precinct 13 with sci-ﬁ in a manner that hasn’t really been bettered since. Add a classic performance from eighties hardman Kurt Russell and one of Carpenter’s trademark synth soundtracks and you’re certain that whatever might be lurking under the polar ice certainly isn’t friendly. With an eerily late showing and tickets priced at a student friendly £3, this is not to be missed. Wavves w/ Zach Hill Thekla Social 19th November Attacking your drummer with bottles and your own shoe live on stage at one of the biggest European festivals, with an audience populated almost entirely by the kind of blogging addicts who brought you to fame in the first place, could hardly be described as a ‘smart move’. But then again, Nathan Williams probably wasn’t with it at Barcelona’s cult Primavera Festival in May. The man who essentially is Wavves is bringing his tape deck scuzz punk lo-ﬁ back around the UK again following that ecstacy and valium related blowout. Whether it’s any good or not is half of the fun, although the inclusion of Zach Hill as his drummer points to Williams starting to at least think about getting serious.

Baroness The Blue Album Relapse Out Now Baroness major in two things: riffs and more riffs. Having exploded out of the burgeoning Georgia metal scene (Mastodon, Harvey Milk, Kylesa, etc) in 2005 with The Red Album, they’ve made a name for themselves as a band who know how to be heavy, but haven’t forgotten how to be smart. Thus, The Blue Record is a pummelling mix of melodic guitar work, southern rock brawn and lead singer John Baisley’s feral howl and holler. Encouragingly this time around they’ve got grander designs: The Blue Record sounds as gigantic as Mastodon’s breakthrough Blood Mountain, and arguably Baroness have more firepower to back it up with. But really, the fact that Baisley has yet again designed the gorgeous looking artwork (ed: pictured above in all its glory) should be enough to encourage you to pick this one up.

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Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Arts

ICIA/PHOTOSOC PHOTOGRAPHY COMPETITION – CALL FOR ENTRIES Nathan Webb ICIA Student Liaison & Events N.Webb@bath.ac.uk THINK YOU’RE the next Annie Liebowitz, Alexander Hammond, Lord Litchfield or Ansel Adams? Now is your chance to get noticed. ICIA, in conjunction with the SU’s Photosoc, is now accepting entries for its annual Photography Competition. This year’s competition is linked to ICIA’s 2010 theme, and is open

The judges will be looking for work that is powerful, evocative, original, and experimental. to all students and staff at the University of Bath. Entrants can submit up to three photographs that are inspired by or relate to the phrase ‘The place of work’, which is open to individual interpretation. The judges will be looking for work that is powerful, evocative, original, and experimental. Winners will receive a cheque for £50, and an A1 (big!) copy of their winning photo. There will also be an exhibition on campus from February displaying a selection of the best entries. For further details on how to enter, check out ICIA’s website… http://www.bath.ac.uk/ icia/photocomp Here, Francesca Brkic, this year’s Photosoc Chair, gives her top practical tips for taking pictures that are likely to impress the judges. 1. Think about presentation very carefully 2. Think about the composition of your image; ensure people do not have poles or wires that appear to originate from their head (unless that was obviously the intention) 3. Often the simplest ideas are the best! 4. Be familiar with the working of your camera. 5. Think about the time of day you want to take the photo. What’s the light like? 6. Take a spare set of batteries with you when you go out hunting for subjects. 7. Take a tripod to steady the camera if you need to. 8. Ensure you have enough free space on your memory card to take as many high quality images as you can. 9. Think about what you want to show - why the scene is relevant and who is in the picture. 10. If you are not sure whether to enter a photo or not, do it - you never know! And now, from ICIA, a few suggestions on the theme to get you

ANNIE LIEBOWICZ: Clearly, she has a lot to learn from the students at the University of Bath. thinking: Work can be: • Physical or mental effort directed towards making or doing something • Paid employment at a job or trade, occupation, or profession • Something done, made, etc, as a result of effort or exertion: e.g. a work of art • The place, ofﬁce, etc, where

a person is employed • An engineering structure such as a bridge, building etc We invite you to use photography to explore ideas around work, as human activity, geographical location or product. You might consider how globalisation and technological change have transformed the relationship between work and place through high speed communications

and travel. Think about the way that people’s jobs (or lack of them) and the places they work often tie in with their identity and how they are perceived. You might want to try and capture the atmosphere or culture of a workplace. Many landscapes, urban or rural, have been constructed by their industrial past or present. A photograph can convey cultural

norms, values and expectations attached to different forms of work, un/employment, working environments and activities. Lots to think about, then, but get out there, take advantage of the lovely autumnal light, and snap away. Closing date for submissions is Tuesday 1st December - online or to ICIA’s Ofﬁce, 1E 2.1. Happy snapping and good luck!

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IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Media

Zap FEATURED SHOW: The Liam and Iain Show WEDNESDAYS 5-7pm

THE BRAND new season of ‘The Liam & Iain Show’ is here! Make sure you tune in between 5 and 7 every Wednesday for loads of great new features, music and of course, your favourite radio duo! New features include: The Liam & Iain Show NEWS (Exclusive Liam & Iain Show news team brings you news, sport and weather from across the world...in a slightly warped way) Mac’s Mini Mix - Iain will take to the decks for 15 minutes to bring you some of the best D’n’B & remixes around. Double Dose - At half past every hour we’ll bring you two songs from a top band and chat about what they’re up to at the moment And of course ‘Remix of the Week’, ‘Gig of the Week’ and ‘Tap’s Top Tip’

SINGLE OF THE FORTNIGHT: Bombay Bicycle Club – Always Like This BOMBAY BICYCLE Club have been whipping up quite a storm over the past few months, in particular with the release of their new album ‘I Had The Blues But I Shook Them Loose’ earlier this year. Now they are re-releasing the track that initially catapulted them into the spotlight. Always Like This, released on the 23rd, has an infectious melody that makes you realise just why this song deserves a re-release, and the echoing vocals make the whole thing seem so effortless. Bombay Bicycle Club are due in for a live session in December courtesy of URB, CTV and BUMPS so keep your eyes and ears peeled for more info on that closer to the time.

URB at the awards ON TUESDAY 24th November, URB will be hitting the swanky carpets of the Indig02 in London for the Student Radio Station’s annual awards ceremony. Your student radio station has been nominated for a mighty five awards including Best Student Radio Station and Best Journalistic Programming for when URB covered the run-up and eventual results for the SU elections. We’ve also been nominated for an award for our coverage of the Varsity Rugby match between Bath Uni and Loughborough as well as Societies Challenge, The University Challenge style game show which all societies are invited to join in on! More on that to follow...

HEY THERE you lovely impact readers. This is your peek at what is happening around CTV.

THE GOOD SHOES

As you may have read in our previous editions, we are filming, together with URB and BUMPS, bands in our acoustic sessions called Unplugged and Unsigned. We have had State of Emotions so far and last Thursday The Good Shoes came by just before heading to their gig in Moles. The result was very entertaining, especially when members started playing ping-pong in the back of the studio.

ACTORS WANTED Last Monday, our newly elected head of writing, Joe Andrew, announced that he has ﬁnished writing his sitcom. So here’s the plot: the series follows the events of two characters who both ﬁnd themselves desperately in love. Jay and Al are two young, immature and pathetic individuals. While Al has a much greater sense of morality than Jay, his lack of willpower leaves him vulnerable to being pulled into situations created by Jay’s depraved behaviour. The content of the sitcom involves a lot of dark humour and it is not for the faint hearted but at the same time our dear head of writing likes to think that it is broadly appealing (and we all agree).

How To Listen:

Tune your radio to 1449AM or listen online at www.1449urb.co.uk

Student Sudoku created by Katie Rocker

EACH SUDOKU has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit. So must every column, and every 3x3 square. An easy one this week, folks - if you can’t do this, maybe you should just give up. If it’s too easy, on the other hand, try

doing something else at the same time as solving it: juggling, for example. Not only is it good for your brain (there’s a scientific study and everything) but also, juggling is pretty damn cool. If that’s still too easy, try juggling with stuff on fire. It really is surprisingly fun. (I take no responsibility for any unexplained fires in Bath this week. Or explained fires. Or any fires. Or deaths. Or injuries, up to and including serious burns or papercuts.)

Come to our members’ meetings (please?)

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: Our attractive Features editor and Roy Lichtenstein’s ‘Josie Cox’

Every Tuesday at 6.15pm in 4E2.4. Be there. Or be a rectangular thing.

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Entertainments Electro, Bubble & Pop Ents Contributor Alec McLaurin hits Bristol to catch the preppy Massachusetts ﬁvesome in ﬁne form (along with an equally impressive homegrown support act)

PASSION PIT: Only geeks go to the beach in jeans

Passion Pit & The Joy Formidable Ansom Rooms, Bristol 30th October 2009 POP AT its best? Up and coming indie band The Joy Formidable support American electro pop quintet Passion Pit in the Bristol leg of their nationwide tour. I walked in to the Anson rooms just as the support band The Joy Formidable started, with a pint of expensive Bristol Union cider in hand, and was ready for festivities to begin. As they finished their first song a friend put it quite simply by

saying “she’s fucking cool”; by she he meant Ritzy Brian, singer/ guitarist for The Joy Formidable, who is indeed cool, despite being Welsh and not much over five feet tall. Her soaring guitar and vocals create a dreamy pop rock that captivates the room; songs ‘Austere’ and ‘Cradle’ are immediate crowd pleasers to what must be a mostly new audience for the band.

“Instantly catchy pop songs full of electronic synths and high pitched vocals”

Passion Pit are for me what pop music should sound like, pure and simple. It’s not that I like their music per se, but in a world of overproduced and marketed pop stars propelled to world fame through the Disney channel, it’s immensely refreshing to see a group of young, talented musicians wanting and making great pop songs. Their instantly catchy songs full of electronic beats and synths, backed up with Michael Angelakos’ high vocals, combine to make a sound that’s at home on the dance floor or in a bedroom. Sounding like a mix of Hot Chip, MGMT and Justice, these five preppy Americans have produced a great electro-pop album. It is just as well executed live as it is on record, with the different synths and samples blending in well with Anglelakos’ vocals, whilst maintaining a ‘live feel’, and tonnes of charisma which is often an issue for electro bands (i.e. The XX). The fact that Passion Pit have so many songs that just sound like ‘hits’ made the night, keeping the tempo high through out with songs like ‘Sleepyhead’ and the crowd pleaser ‘Little Secrets’ resulting in the sold out Anson rooms chanting “Higher, Higher” back at the band.

Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Chris Aristides ﬁnds the only thing rad about Weezer’s latest is the title. And the cover. Raditude Weezer Geffen Records Out Now BEING A politics student, I tend to have a lot of time on my hands. And, in-between musing over the credit crunch and Middle Eastern security, I often wonder how many albums Weezer must make before it becomes embarrassing to call them one of my favourite bands. Turns out, the answer was one. I mean, sure Make Believe was bad, but everybody loved ‘Pork and Beans’. Didn’t they? It’s easy to forget that this is the same band that released The Blue Album and Pinkerton. I suppose to some extent it’s to be expected; Sean Connery was the best Bond and the Old Testament was much better the New one. Still, from the name (Raditude man!), to the cover art, to Lil Wayne’s inexplicable appearance midway through ‘Can’t Stop Partying’ (“Weezer in this weezy [sic], upsidedown your TV” – I’m cringing just writing it), the whole piece appears a foul caricature of their previous albums: truly lowest common denominator dribble. Cuomo is, after all these years, delivering the same introspective posturing and Bell and Co. are still crooning T-Bird style in the background, but the magic of

their early albums is strikingly absent. And whilst their wistful reflections on puberty and beyond was once endearing and – dare I say it – eradefining, Cuomo is, at 39, one song about an unattainable teen-crush away from being locked up. But it’s not all bad news. Weezer’s ability to create a catchy chorus is apparently infinite; I caught myself awkwardly singing along to lead single ‘(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To’ in the shower yesterday and bloody enjoyed it, whilst track three – ‘The Girl Got Hot’ – has a wealth of hidden depth. Really, really, hidden. And it’s not too much of a stretch to say this is entirely representative of Weezer post-2001: a couple of real gems, well and truly buried amidst the wash of apologetic filler. “Here, it’s clear, that I’m not getting better”, Rivers broods on ‘Put Me Back Together’ and, sadly, it’s about as genuine as Raditude gets.

Alex McLaurin joins in the sweat fest Ents Contributor Alex Drake gives the Kiwi masters of that is This Town Needs Guns at Moles weird and wonderful comedy a listen on their original

follow up album. Hilarious outbursts are to be expected.

This Town Need Guns, Talons Moles, Bath 21st October 2009 MOLES IS one of those great places that will always draw some sort of a crowd, I can’t remember ever seeing it empty; this may make it a horrible sweat pit for the bigger bands, but it’s a great horrible sweat pit in the sense that you will always have a certain amount of atmosphere. Tonight is by no means a sweat pit; it is more a hint of nervous perspiration as teenage instrumental rock group Talons come on stage. Talons are a group of young lads that like to play their music loud, then soft, but mostly loud. Comparable to And So I Watch You From Afar and 65daysofstatic, but adding a new dimension with two violinists. After being slightly depressed that these guys are probably quite a few years younger than me and have an obvious mastery of their respective instruments (especially the drummer, who pounds the shit into his kit with conviction), my attention turns to their music. Normally I prefer what lyrics bring and mean to a band but in Talons’ case I can understand the appeal to just play instruments off one another. This they achieve with some

“a group of young lads who like to play their music loud, then soft, but mostly loud”

I Told You I Was Freaky Flight of the Conchords Sub Pop Out Now Talons: We’re on a boat bitches! complicated patterns, but at times it seems a bit too disorganized and although their breakdowns are good, they are not supported and after a while the violins get a bit too much! This Town Needs Guns are a band that mix complex ‘math rock’ guitar signatures with beautiful lyrical melodies. The band’s guitarist, Tim Collis, is very talented indeed, creating the base of most of their songs, which are nicely matched by the bass and drums, and on record, with vocals. However, tonight the vocals are out of touch with the rest of the music, they seem too soft to compete with the guitar, and as with the last time I saw them, the melody of their songs was undermined. Whether the band were just not up for it tonight or didn’t realize their mistake I don’t know, but they still manage to gather some momentum with songs ‘Pig’ and ‘26 is Dancier Than 4’, which are deﬁnite crowd pleasers. All in all it was a good night although it turned into a bit of a culture shock when I went from being surrounded by a group of pubescent indie kids to the drunken hordes of ﬂesh at Score!

FOR THOSE not in the know, Flight of the Conchords are a comedy duo comprised of Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement. Don’t let the band’s self-description as the “fourth most popular indie guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funkcomedy folk duo in New Zealand” mislead you, as they’re a genuinely hilarious and unpredictable double team. Their latest album, I Told You I Was Freaky, accompanies the second season of their TV show, which follows the semibiographic tale of two Kiwi musicians trying and failing to make it big in the New York indie music scene. The show’s first season and soundtrack were so popular they even collected a couple of Grammys. Comedy albums are often seen as lightweight and disposable but this record is an amusing listen that generally survives the test of time. That said, the pressures of Second Album Syndrome are at times apparent, as some of the songs’ comedic elements feel forced and overly obscure (even by their random standards!). The songs touch on a range of subjects

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS: Trust us, we’re freaky. Very freaky.

“fourth most popular indie guitar-based digi-bongo acapellarap-funk-comedy folk duo in New Zealand” from rapper sensitivity on ‘Hurt Feelings’ to ex-girlfriends on ‘Carol Brown’ but a particular highlight is ‘Were both in Love with a Sexy Lady’ which is a conversational parody take of R Kelly’s ‘Same Girl’. Whilst the humour may be a little too left-field and quirky for a lot of listeners there’s no doubting the great word play, timing and originality that has gone into the

songwriting. I’d recommend that newcomers watch the show before the delving into the soundtrack as it provides a lot of context and makes the laugh out loud moments even funnier. Overall, this follow up album is a must for fans of the show and comes recommended to open minded newbies. Even though some of the humour can wear thin after repeated listens, there are numerous memorable pop gems that deserve to be heard. So go ahead and add some New Zealand freakiness to your record collection.

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IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Entertainments

Ringside at the ICIA

Do Stay In The impact TV

Ents Editor Philip Bloomfield speaks to Tanya guide Steinheuser, ICIA Co-ordinator for Theatre and Dance

“I SEE the ICIA as enhancing student life... we offer a wide variety of opportunities outside of what you study.” Tanya Steinhauser is the ICIA Co-Ordinator for Theatre and Dance, two of the most successful sections of the ICIA. Through their work with BodySoc and BUST, amongst others, it’s fair to say that the productions which Tanya programmes are amongst the most visible on campus. She sees her role within the ICIA as twofold: “We try to be an open ear and a helping hand to any student with an idea basically, whether that’s an established society or not”. But she also aims to “put on a professional arts programme that enriches the life of the university”. There’s a firm belief that students should be able to come to campus and see things which might otherwise only be available further afield, whether that be at a festival in London or in a venue across the country in Manchester or elsewhere. Tanya’s programming aims towards what she terms a “mix of scales”, whether that be a piece of theatre like Mem Morrison’s ‘celebratory performance’ Ringside which takes the audience right into

MEM MORRISON: Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems the very heart of a Turkish Cypriot wedding, or bringing contemporary dance groups in to work with students. She is gushing about Morrison in particular: “I just love his work, I think it’s wonderful”. For those unfamiliar with Morrison, his work carries an autobiographical bent, and as a director he seeks to bring theatre into unusual places - his previous production toured various greasy spoon cafes, being based on his memories of his parents ownership of a café his parents owned. It’s the idea of ‘encountering’ theatre which particularly thrills her, she explains. Ringside sees Mem

reminisce about the many Turkish Cypriot weddings of his extended family members he experienced as a child. Ringside takes place in Bath’s Guildhall which is certain to add the requisite sense of grandeur to this latest performance. But perhaps the most exciting thing about the performance is the chance of audience participation: Mem is searching for women volunteers to take part in the performance as the potential brides, and will be running three workshops prior to the performance which are open to allcomers. A key element of Tanya’s work relates to societies and she is engaged in tying this together with the professionals she’s bringing in - whether by attaching workshops to the performances which come in, or by speaking to societies and asking them who they’d like to work with. She’s also keen to stress the cross-arts nature of many of the societies, especially given BackStage’s roles in supporting the various performances. Tanya’s experiences prior to the ICIA may well have shaped her preferences: she was once in charge of her own theatre and cross

arts company: “I used to do a lot of projects around towns... an old hotel, a derelict castle...” But theatre is just one part of her interests, and as we get on to who she’d like to bring to the ICIA in an ideal world her eyes glaze over slightly: “William Forsythe is a fantastic artist. His 60 strong company puts on spectacular, spectacular dance shows... just can’t fathom the way they move, audiences just absolutely adore the work, it just does... something else”. But with regards to theatre, her eyes are towards the smaller scale and the more cutting edge: “At the university, things are a lot more about risk taking, experimenting... down in Bath there’s plenty of more traditional theatre”. She encourages students to do the same: after all, ICIA ticket prices are kept very cheap so that students can catch things on their doorsteps.

Mem Morrison’s Ringside is showing at the Guildhall in Bath on the 27th November. Anyone interested in auditioning for a part as a bride should go email Matthew Austin at ICIAinfo@bath.ac.uk

How I Met Your Mother E4 Weeknights, 7.30 Some will decry me as cheap and shallow for enjoying this latest piece of post-Friends US sitcom fodder. Okay, so it’s a little like Friends: we have four friends and sometime housemates, one of whom is besotted with the other, one of whom is a smooth talking lothario, another a kooky neurotic... and you get the picture. But this pushes all the right buttons for the same reason that The Big Bang Theory does: simple humour, great gags, the requisite amount of on-screen eye candy and generally likeable characters who fumble through life, love and lust much the same as anyone else. Oh, and Alison Hannigan really brightens up my day. I just want to take her home with me to use as a permanent antidepressant.

The Neverending Story: Sam Foxman’s Bible

Our intrepid Biblical reviewer returns from the wilderness and an editor imposed exile to lead us all through the next chapters of the Old Testament LET’S BEGIN with a bit of role-play: Late on a Friday night you witness the beginnings of a scufﬂe between two gentlemen which is swiftly resolved when a woman allied to one of the men grabs his opponent by the balls. What should you do? Fortunately, Leviticus has the answer: cut off her hand. This is one of the brilliantly over-specific proscriptions in these four books of the Bible: Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Numbers. These books not only cover the exciting, but again morally dubious tale of the escape of the Israelites from Egypt (which I will get on to later) but also an array of 613 prohibitions and permissions. It is fortunate that, as you read on through this epic tome, we discover a more moderate side to the business of religion and it is a shame that many of those individuals who regard their piety as outstanding choose to give up on the Bible after God becomes a bit less of a villain. Here are some things that you could be killed for: gluttony, sex with a woman and her mother, murder, adultery, kidnapping, rape, witchcraft, incest, disobeying a minister, disobeying your parents, worshipping another god, being gay, communicating with the dead, sex before marriage, prostitution, careless animal management, blasphemy, working on Saturday, perjury, bestiality, not

being circumcised, eating the wrong sort of bread, prophesying something that doesn’t happen, vegetarianism and excessive drinking. Leviticus and Deuteronomy cover these prohibitions in immaculate detail – though occasionally with confusing language. God does not much like to discuss carnal matters, though his book is full of them. The proscriptions on consumption of certain sorts of food are well known, but it is less well known that, for example, it is perfectly acceptable to eat locusts. These books of laws balance tradition with an old-school pragmatism which is rather endearing, and the lengthy and round-about ways of describing different species of sin are reminiscent of laws in the present day, where obscurantism places an unnecessary premium on education, training and interpretation. The story of the book of Exodus is the first opportunity taken by the Bible for a lengthy and involved piece of storytelling. Whereas previously our exposures to the pre-historical characters of the Abrahamic religions have been quite brief, the tale of Moses and his leadership of the Israelites from Egypt has an epic quality not dissimilar to the journey over similar territory described by Lawrence of Arabia. The scene opens in Egypt where the descendants of Jacob, whom we met in Genesis, have remained. Despite the optimism of the end of Genesis, the

THE THICK OF IT: Malcolm Tucker - sweary and Scottish

The Thick Of It BBC2 Saturday, 22.10

LOCUSTS: According to Exodus, completely edible debt that the Egyptian people owe the Israelites has been forgotten. Moses, escaping death at a young age as so many Biblical figures do, has to flee to a strange land (again not uncommonly) where he meets God (which has certainly by this point become a theme). The narrative structure of this book is frequently interrupted by moral instruction. The clearest incidence of this is at Mount Sinai where God hands to Moses the Ten Commandments, three of which relate to the importance of loving God. As if to ram home the point, when Moses gets down the hill he catches the Israelites doing the opposite of loving God and he becomes mightily peeved. This moralising and narrative reinforcement lies at the heart of the first of these four books. Numbers covers the final stage of the journey of the Israelites. In a tragic turn, Moses, leader of the Israelites is

unable to enter the Promised Land and dies before the crossing of the Jordan. This is not merely an unaccountable tragedy, but a necessary consequence of Moses - by this point very much the most established character in the Bible (except God) and the protagonist in these four books - disobeying God’s command. God’s implacability is ﬁrmly established in this ﬁnal statement of authority. No one, however much the reader might sympathise with him, is immune to the will of God. Bad times. Still, it all works out quite well for the Israelites who find a new leader in Joshua - who gets his own book. The narrative aspect of these books again (as with Genesis) ends on a high. The crescendo to a climax of optimism contained within each book is quite charming, especially when one can be confident that the next book to which one turns will start in a new, dark place.

“Let’s take the carrot and the stick approach: we’ll ram the carrot up his arse, followed by the stick, followed by an even bigger, rougher carrot”. With an opening line like that, I can’t fail to love Malcolm Tucker. For the uninitiated, The Thick Of It is a recently revived sitcom centred on politics, and more crucially, press manipulation and spin. Centred on obscene Scots Spin Doctor Malcolm Tucker (played by Peter Capaldi), alongside a slimy political advisor played by UK comic Chris Addison and newly promoted Minister Nicola Murray providing the fodder for Tucker’s sweary cannon. It’s brash, bitingly satirical, deeply non-PC and always unsuitable for children. We’re on Episode 3 of the new series, and following two episodes where the tension simmered to an unbearable level, the shit doesn’t so much as hit the fan as blow the entire thing up as Murray struggles to sort out her speech at party conference, abetted by Malcolm flipping his lid quite spectacularly in his usual manner.

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Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Entertainments

We’re gonna have a reel good time All the Singles, ladies

Hazell Moore falls head over heels for Pixar’s charming Up!, before finding herself wishing that Gervais’ move to the big screen wasn’t so sugar coated Up! Dir. Pete Docter & Bob Peterson Out Now UP! BEGINS by portraying two children, Carl and Ellie, who become friends through their common love for the explorer Charles F. Muntz. When their idol is accused of lying about his explorations in South America, Carl makes a promise to Ellie to one day follow the footsteps of Muntz and explore the continent too. The film portrays a typical “in love” couple that develops into old age. When Ellie passes away, Carl’s world descends into a depression and is followed by a series of unfortunate events, leading to Carl wanting to fulfil his promise to Ellie. Up! juxtaposes the reality and downfalls of life along with the creativity of a house being transported by balloons and talking dogs. The amazing plot is augmented by completely mind-boggling visuals, especially with the 3D geek-chic glasses on. Not only do characters jump out from the screen, but mundane things like rain look really real. If you haven’t seen a 3D film before, this would be an unbeatable start. Strangely enough you can relate to the two main characters; Carl,

The Cheek of it!

The Cheek, The Apples, My Name Is Ian Moles, Bath 29th October 2009

IT WAS a dismal start walking into the dingy underground cavern that is Moles to be greeted by an audience made up entirely of other band members and an old man with his dubious looking girlfriend/prostitute. Things soon looked up as support act My Name Is Ian took to the stage. Demure, apologetic and brilliant, he ran through a set of witty, humorous, down to earth songs, all accompanied by a guitar that has likely been with him since before he even dreamt of getting up on stage. Not only did

and the wilderness adventure scout, Russell. Carl is a grumpy old man who hates society, and Russell is an excitable, conscientious and mildly annoying little boy. This unbeatable relationship is where the laughs are reigned in. However it must be said, in comparison to other Pixar successes like Monsters Inc. and Ice Age, the genius is not essentially in the laughs, but in the imagery. Unfortunately, another great film is ruined by all the great jokes being on the trailer! Despite this, the film is brilliant in the sense that it flips between the romanticism of Carl and Ellie, the silliness of Kevin the tropical bird, and Doug the talking dog. This, essentially, is what makes it for all the family.

UP!: So why does he look so down?

The Invention of Lying Dir. Ricky Gervais & Matthew Robinson Out Now THIS FILM is ingenious; you’ll leave the cinema mournfully wishing it was true. Ricky Gervais and Matthew Robinson create a world where no one can lie. Ably supported by an American cast, the film still retains the British sense of humour. Gervais’ character, Mark Bellison, is an unfortunate guy that has nothing really going for him. With a string of poor dates, lack of job opportunities and no money, Mark Bellison creates a lie to give himself a little bit of fortune. And believe it or not, it works! The concept of lying is so alien to this world, that there isn’t even a word for it. The brilliance of this idea is that you can be so creative with it. Gervais and Robinson take the usual masculine desires to start off with, and this proves hilarious with women falling over themselves for the lies of Mark Bellison. The first half an hour is undoubtedly very funny, but it descends to the usual American endings, which essentially makes the film fall from perfection. But if you enjoy high concept films like The Truman Show or the humour of The Office and Extras this would definitely be a film for you.

Laurence Whitaker heads to Moles, and finds a headline act upstaged by the locals... Ian get everyone smiling but his free CDs complete with hand drawn covers kept me amused long after the evening ended. Then with the club slowly ﬁlling up The Apples took to the stage. All rolled up skinny jeans and bold socks, they romped through a set list of stylish tunes… a little too much polish and not enough grit and ﬁre. Still, with a highly animated front man they got people moving and paved the way for headline act The Cheek. There was no messing about with The Cheek, who are signed to Pure Groove records. Their experience shone through in an energetic, smooth

performance; their skinny lapelled shiny jackets and ﬂoppy curls made it clear that The Cheek cared as much about their image as their sound, which was New Romantics/Spandau Ballet but somehow instead of feeling embarrassing like your dad on New Year’s Eve it just had me thinking ‘this is the soundtrack to the next season of Skins’. Overall, a great gig with two fresh free-thinking bands, but it was the understated My Name is Ian who had me wanting more with his catchy, light-hearted lyrics. He’s never going to make it big like The Cheek might but then again, that’s the whole point.

Jen Wallace likes ﬁzzy pop and Danish people. Which is why she was overjoyed when we sent her to see Alphabeat. Look out for her interview with the loveable Danes next issue.

Alphabeat Thekla Social, Bristol 29th October 2009

I AM an unashamed fan of pop music. I admit it. I love a catchy beat, irritatingly unforgettable lyrics and bands with a gimmick. And if the aforementioned band happens to be from a Scandinavian country, then sign me up to the fan mailing list. Alphabeat hail from Denmark, home of bacon, Carlsberg, Lars Ulrich and Aqua, and they played a lively, tunes-packed set at the Thekla to a very enthusiastic crowd. Ok, so the basic premise of an Alphabeat song isn’t about nuclear physics, John Keats or the conﬂict in

the Middle East, their songs are about boy-meets-girl, boy-dances-with-girl, girl-buys-nice-clothes etc., you know, Danish daily life. Plenty of songs off the first album such as ‘10,000 Nights’, ‘Boyfriend’ and ‘What is Happening’ were mixed quite successfully with brand new, never before heard tracks off their new album ‘The Spell’. When I heard the first single off the new album I was pretty horrified; it sounded like a terribly generic Eurovision entry, all that was missing was a dance routine and some gymnasts with ribbons. However on the night, the single sounded one hundred times better, and I would say that generally Alphabeat sound weak on record, but very strong

live, where they can bring the energy that’s needed to get a crowd going. New tracks went down well with the crowd, who picked up the lyrics quickly and after two minutes could chant a chorus back to the band. Lead singers Anders SG and Stine have great onstage chemistry and Anders especially makes full use of the stage with jumps, leaps and tambourine shaking. Their encore was of course their most famous single ‘Fascination’ which was always going to be the way to end the set and get the audience dancing for the last time. It was a night of pure pop, no pretences and no deep inner contemplation of the human soul. They’re not ashamed of it, and neither am I.

Gina Reay, Alex Drake and Laurence Whitaker decide what gets a ring and what gets binned

should be on your to-do list. It might not be apparent on ﬁrst listen but these unconventional New York City based boys are the modern day equivalent to the Beach Boys. I’m being totally serious! ‘Brothersport’ is a very joyous and tropical combination of electro synths, chants and noises. It’s one of the most accessible songs on the experimental album that sent the blog world into a musical orgasm upon release this past January.

Snow Patrol Just Say Yes Fiction/Interscope

CHERYL COLE: We like her because of her ti... I mean hits.

Cheryl Cole Fight for this love Polydor Records ‘Fight For This Love’ is a beautifully catchy pop song. If you hear it, it is guaranteed to be playing over and over in your head for the rest of the day and if you see the video, you will be considering a diet within the first 20 seconds. What I also like about the song is how our Chezza is almost ‘cashing in’ on the intense media attention from her rocky relationship with husband Ashley Cole, who cheated on her a while back. By debuting with a song about the difficulties of relationships and how ‘quitting is out of the question’ I think she’s nicely yet ironically using personal lyrics to comment on what genuinely was for a her a very hard decision that she, involuntarily, shared with Britain. The tune is also a nice contrast to Girls Aloud. With their ‘bubblegum pop’ image and manufactured, cheesy songs and videos, Cheryl has gone in a different direction, instead choosing a more R’n’B route and a ‘bad girl’ image. As we saw on her much anticipated X-Factor performance a few weeks back, the image is very military (‘Fight’ for this love - gettit?) with robotic and ambitious dances moves. The song, unlike the subject matter however, is a little lighter and the nice use of a xylophone-style sound (OK, I’m not an expert) always makes me smile. The vocals are also ambitious, the whole song is sung very highly, making it very difficult to hum on your way to work! Cheryl did it justice on the X-Factor though I think you’ll agree, God knows how she managed to dance, sing and look drop dead gorgeous all at the same time.

Since the sublime brilliance of ‘Eyes Open’ and ‘Final Straw’ Snow Patrol seem to have lost direction. The spine tingling voice and tear inducing lyrics just don’t work over a repetitive tweeting instrumental that is more engineered than played. Lyrically this song is beautiful, vocally it’s exquisite and yet overall it just seems generic and ignorable - perhaps this can be explained by its appearance in the future greatest hits album ‘Up to Now’. This stinks of a record label stunt to cash in whilst ignoring the individuality of a bands own sound. A real shame.

Mumford and Sons Winter Winds Gentleman of the Road/ Island

Another outstanding song from this year’s most innovative band. A completely new sound alongside a new attitude to music. There aren’t superlatives enough to praise Mumford and Sons. A wisened voice laments over rousing harmonies layered with guitars, banjos and cellos. This is the music of story telling, of romance and of a rapturous love for living complete with its pain and its emotive conflicts. Sapient lyrics strike a chord with even the hardest hearted and defeated listener; the likes of “for every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt” abandon pretention and lay out the fearful excitement of romance. Resign yourself to the beauty of their sound and revel in the regaling of their rueful remonstrations.

Animal Collective Brother Sport Domino Records Have you listened to much psychedelic pop lately? No, thought not. Which is the very reason why Animal Collective’s latest single

SPORTS BROTHERS: Animal Collective, collectively insane.

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Sport Alex Drake Contributor

GRACE AND eloquence are characteristics that not everyone possesses. Especially in the cutthroat sporting world, where results speak louder than words. A man guilty of such charges in recent weeks is Diego Maradona, the current coach of the Argentine football team. The short and chubby football legend isn’t having the smoothest of managerial rides, and got himself stuck in a bit of a pickle at a post-match press conference in Uruguay a couple of weeks back. To understand the situation and the controversial statements a little context is necessary. Argentina had just won their final two qualification matches versus Chile and Uruguay which in turn sealed their spot at next year’s South African World Cup. It was a long and unconvincing journey, and almost every Argentine, including every single member of the press, didn’t think they’d make it.

Monday 16th Movember 2009 IMPACT

Diego Maradona: sucka?

Alex Drake muses over one of life’s eternal questions: how is the diminuitive Argentine still in a job?

“Nobody in football incarnates his country and its fans like Diego Maradona does.” One man was sure though and that was good old Diego. In classy style he dedicated the qualification victory “to the whole of Argentina, except the journalists”. The outspoken coach was so delighted to hit back at all the criticism that he continued; “They can suck it now! They can suck it good! And they can keep on sucking!” He didn’t stop there and went on to call all journalists’ mothers ‘bitches’ and ordered them to eat their words! Maradona at any time may be black or white, but one thing is certain: he isn’t grey. FIFA slapped him with a hefty five match ban, but if this had happened in Britain he would also be out of a job. The English take the professional view that the country’s football team exists solely to win matches. In Argentina, however, the

“...the ﬂawed leader that everyone can see themselves in”

Footballing genius, managing nightmare: Taking the healthy approach (above), and a reserved celebration during qualiﬁcation (below)

nationalist view dictates that the eleven men in the blue and white striped jersey must embody the nation. Being an exceptionately gifted footballer isn’t enough. These men would love Argentina. In a country where politicians are regarded as scum and the economy sees more ups and downs than a hooker’s mini-skirt, the only consistently world-class thing is its football team. This is the simple reason Maradona is still in a job. He may not have any successful coaching

experience, but nobody in football incarnates his country and its fans like Diego Maradona does. He is the flawed leader that everyone can see themselves in. He epitomizes the attacking flair and desire of the national team like no other. There is a fine

line between genius and lunacy, but he has found a way to straddle it perfectly. Just don’t berate him for managerial performance; winning matches is not what he was hired for.

Disagree with that, and he’ll make you suck it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Maradona: Factﬁle BORN: 30 Oct 1960 in Lanús, Buenos Aires. CLUBS: Argentinos Juniors, Boca Juniors, FC Barcelona, Napoli, Sevilla, Newell’s Old Boys, Boca Juniors. TRIVIA: Maradona has a church named in his honour. ‘Iglesia Maradoniana’ was created in 1998, and now reportedly has 100,000 members from sixty countries across the world.

www.bathimpact.com/sport

IMPACT Monday 16th Movember 2009

Ski hard, play hard: Snowsports success in Kings Western League Jonathon Williams Bath University Snowsports

“HEY, CHECK me out, I’m off ski racing this weekend.” “Wow, you’re amazing. But there’s no snow in the UK, how is this possible?” “Do not worry. We race on dryslopes, a ski slope that mimics the attributes of snow using materials that are stable at room temperature, to enable people to ski on them”. Let me explain. Take a company like Kings Ski Club; hard working, dedicated and willing to put the time and effort into organising racing events for groups of university snowsports teams around the country. Chuck in

teams of students able to get together and drive to the event. Add a dryslope, a slalom course, fancy dress, a DJ and plenty of prizes, what do you get? ‘Kings Racing League’ - the UK’s answer to Alpine racing. Bath University Snowsports competed on Saturday 17th October and Saturday 7th November in Rounds one and two of the Kings Western League, held in the stunning surroundings of South Wales at the Pontypool Ski Centre. The format of the racing is simple: you make a team of five skiers or five snowboarders. In relay-race fashion you compete against another team of five, racing down a duel-slalom course (two slalom courses parallel to each

other). Each racer gets to the bottom of the course as quickly as possible before the next racer can set off. The winner is the first team to have all five racers at the bottom. The turnout for the first round was exceptional, with Bath offering three mixed ski teams, one ladies ski team and one snowboard team. Fancy dress for the occasion was a jungletheme with leopards, tigers and one cow (not quite jungle, but still a good effort). The competition was made up of teams from Bristol, UWE, Cardiff, Exeter, Swansea, Aberystwyth and Plymouth. After some intense action on piste, Bath’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd mixed ski teams came in at fourth,

eighth and twelfth respectively (out of eighteen). The Ladies team performed magnificently, coming in second (out of eight). The snowboarders also pulled off a great second place (out of seven). Taking place on the Halloween weekend it was little surprise to see the scary costumes out in force; Bath representing in skeleton attire (there was controversy over the fancy dress prize, Bath getting boned for one racer putting the tibia and fibula in the wrong places). For Round Two the drag lift had decided to pack in, resulting in some unexpected fitness training with the teams having to hike up the slope each time. Due to this, the race format was revised, with an ‘against the clock’ system, followed by knockout rounds. Apart from that, everything went swimmingly. With a smaller team than in Round One, Bath didn’t do as well. The 1st and 2nd mixed teams came in at fifth and eleventh (out of seventeen). The Ladies coming in fourth (out of eight) and the snowboarders fourth (out of six). However, with Rounds three and four still to come, anything could happen. Bath Snowsports saw more action on the 13th and 14th of November up in Edinburgh at BUDS (the British University Dry Slope Championships), advertised on their own website as ‘a weekend of decadence and debauchery’. With over 800 students competing in events including slalom, GS, dual slalom, Big Air, Boarder X and Slopestyle, as well as two nights out in town, it should be epic. Check out the next impact for the race report and photos.

NO BUSINESS LIKE SNOWBUSINESS: All spoiled by the tibia/fibula fiasco.

Statto’s Trivia... for when you have nothing else better to do SO, MERE mortals, we meet again. If you don’t know me by now, I’m Statto, and each issue I’ll be setting you sporting trivia questions in order to separate the Anelkas from the Bendters here at Bath. After setting you a teaser last week, I have to say I was overwhelmed by the responses I received – all one of them. Still, a winner must be chosen, and well done to Michael Downes, a first year Economics and International Development student. He correctly guessed the six players in question, namely; Kevin Davies (Blackburn from Southampton), Nigel Reo-Coker, Curtis Davies, (both to Aston Villa from West Ham and West Brom respectively), Anton Ferdinand (Sunderland from West Ham), Dean Richards (Spurs from Southampton) and Carl Cort

(Newcastle from Wimbledon, pictured). The fact he was able to reply with his answer within ninety minutes of the paper being released does suggest an overfamiliarity with google, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. His prize is a free copy of this fortnight’s impact. This week I’ve decided to set three more brain teasers. Here goes: - Theoretically, and assuming no walkovers, what is the minimum number of strokes a player can make in order to win one of the Grand Slam events (Wimbledon, US Open, French Open or Australian Open) in tennis? - Which footballer is the only one to score a hat-trick in what is now League Two, League

One, The Championship, The Premiership, The FA Cup, The League Cup and at international level? - In cricket, who is the only man to score a century and

take 6 wickets in an ODI? Now, you lot, off you trot and get on with it. If you think you know the answers to these questions email sport@bathimpact.com and you may find your name in the paper next week.

Sport

K i c k b o x i n g Champions come to Bath

Jennifer Scott Bath University Kickboxing Last Friday Bath University Kickboxing was honoured to receive coaching from Mr Pixton, a fourth degree black belt and international kickboxing champion. Mr Pixton is a respected member of PUMA kickboxing as he has fought and won many fights across England and the rest of the world, and is known to be extremely gifted at sparring. His presence at the club ensured a high turnout of dedicated kickboxers wanting to learn new techniques in sparring. The gruelling two hour session consisted of an hour of military-style fitness and an hour of semi-contact sparring. Mr Pixton gave instruction to the students commenting on how they could improve their technique and gave valuable advice to those fighting in the upcoming British Championships and the Loughbrough Fight Night. Some students were even lucky enough to receive individual advice as their sparring was tested to the limit by Mr Pixtons truly effortless kicks. After the session Mr Pixton showed his appreciation to the kickboxers’ effort and determination by offering 10 of the club’s best fighters the once in a lifetime opportunity of training with his “invitation-only” fight club every week. This was an invaluable session for the club and its many competitive fighters and we look forward to seeing him again in the future.

Hockey win

continued from back page As he stood over the ball, he had the confident look of a rabbit in the headlights, but even with his pants full of fear he managed to push the ball past the unlucky goalkeeper and put the teams level. Bath pushed on, and with only minutes left on the clock, Pete Yogi emerged on the left side of the D with the ball at his feet. It appeared as if time had momentarily stood still, and with the rest of the field in panic, Yogi had the air of a man with complete inner peace and absolute control, power pushed the ball past the helpless goalkeeper into the roof of the goal, punching a hole in the netting. Bath had taken the lead. With London understandably annoyed, they pushed on, however, their attacking skills were no match for the Bath defense. Santa and Mao continually flung themselves around the back like salmon leaping up a river, snubbing out every London attack with a grin on their faces. As time ticked into the last minute, and with London pushing on, Bath broke away for Pate Jewer to bag a second with a beautiful lob from the halfway line. An ugly three points, but three points nonetheless, and another reason for Rob Wilson to dance like Bambi on a tumble dryer in Score. Next week away at UWE, and another victory.

sport impact

Would you employ this man? Page 26: Maradona

Skiing breaks out at party. Page 27: Snowsports

Bath hold on for surprise win

MATCHWINNER: Alex Smith (pictured) scored the only goal of the game, but missed this opportunity to put his side 2-0 ahead. MEN’S 1STS FOOTBALL BATH UNIVERSITY

UWE HARTPURY

Sean Lightbown Sports Editor sport@bathimpact.com A DOGGED performance and a first half goal from Alex Smith ensured Bath earned a surprise 1-0 victory against table-topping UWE Hartpury. With Bath registering three points from their opening four games, coming up against an opposition in UWE Hartpury - with ten points from four matches having scored twenty goals on the way - seemed a daunting task. However, with hard work, good defending and a slice of luck, Bath eventually prevailed, though UWE Hartpury were left to rue a number of missed opportunities in the second half. In a cagey opening forty-five minutes both teams seemed edgy, and good football was hard to come by in blustery conditions. Bath dominated in the air, and approach play was good, yet the final ball was always missing. Alex Smith changed all that, when he hit the back of the net to give Bath a

slender lead. The second half was much livelier, and saw UWE Hartpury show the form which saw them win three of their opening four games. UWE Hartpury consistently looked for the flanks, and started to get in behind Bath’s fullbacks. One such instance produced a corner, which was delivered, only to see the UWE striker’s glancing header drift past the far post. Bath were happy to let UWE Hartpury come forward, in the hope they would leave themselves exposed at the back. Good play on the left by Greg Lake and Smith led to series of opportunities, yet none of these materialised into clearcut chances That all changed soon after. Good play down the left saw a Bath player get to the by-line. He cut inside, played it back to Smith, and from six yards out spooned the ball over the bar. A few minutes later, Bath

won a corner. Lake swung in a delightful ball, which Max Coleman headed powerfully goalwards. It had 2-0 written all over it, until the ball unfortunately deflected off a Bath player. Moments later, a mix up in the UWE Hartpury defence saw Tom Piotowski clean through, only for the goalkeeper to smother the ball at his feet. With the clock ticking, UWE piled forward in search of a goal. The UWE right winger found much space down his side, and it wasn’t for his poor ﬁnal ball Bath could have been in trouble. As it was, all that came his forays were overhit cross and three frustrated UWE forwards in the Bath box. These frustrations manifested themselves in the heated last few minutes. With two UWE players and Bath’s Jonjo O’Hara already booked, a UWE Hartpury defender scythed down a Bath player, sparking a 22-man ruckus on the pitch. yet this exemplified the annoyance of UWE Hartpury at their inability to get back in the game, and Bath were ultimately rewarded for their hard work with all three points.

Capital gain for hockey boys MEN’S 1STS HOCKEY LONDON MET

BATH UNIVERSITY

Will Mumma Bath University Hockey Club IT IS normally with great fear and trepidation that the Bath Rangers take to the barren wasteland of London Metropolitan. However, this year there was a new feeling of hope and anticipation within the team, with the arrival of new blood and the return of old faces. Due to several injuries, the team headed to the capital with a reduced side, yet still had high expectations, and the added bonus that Luke Carless’ unavailability p r o vi d e d t h e t e a m w i t h r a re stability in midfield. The game started at a quick pace, with Bath exerting immediate pressure, and it wasn’t long before Pete Jewer managed to skillfully caress the ball past the helpless

Met keeper. With Bath in total control, a momentary lapse in concentration from Mumma allowed the London team to sneak a lucky goal and totally change the dynamic of the game. To further add to Bath’s troubles, Chris ‘Spud’ Cargo tried to try a trick he’d obviously learnt on his recent international exploits, however unlike Jamie Dwyer, Spud gifted the ball to the Met centre forward who put it past a bemused Chris Day. With the team in disarray, half time came around and following a few four letter words from Captain Spud the team ran out for the second half. It appeared the team talk had worked, as the Rangers applied immediate pressure and it was up to the Met goalkeeper to stop the Bath onslaught. However, this pressure had to finally tell and eventually a penalty stroke was awarded to Bath and it was up to the captain to convert. continued on page 27