Bite, Volume 16 Issue 8 by bathimpact

bite Where is the Love ?

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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This week’s theme is:

Where is the Ghostpoet love Shedding Skin

Album of the biweek

Ghostpoet has returned from a brief hiatus with Shedding Skin. The album is a departure from his electric driven previous efforts and a move towards a more instrument based sound that better reflects his live sound. It’s an excellent album, full of the slow and melancholic rhyming and lyricism that has characterised his career, slowly telling stories and revealing themes, whilst the new production style adds drive and you just can’t help moving with it. cards

against humanity

Game of the biweek

giant redwood

All I can really think about when looking at a GIANT REDWOOD is the lumberjack song from Monty Python, perhaps it’s the ladies suspenders I’m currently wearing, perhaps its TTIP, who knows? The GIANT REDWOOD can grow up to 311 feet, or one second row for those who don’t do imperial measurements, it can also measure up to 56 feet diameter so...a prop. The GIANT REDWOOD truly is a majestic tree

Constantia has looked back through history with an aim of re-connecting with the true meaning of valentine’s day, giving us a look at some of the most romantic lines ever written, sung, or ut-

13/15

To quote Murakami, love is like “a cat slipping into a whirling washing machine.” “This is something you would never see unless you’ve actually done it,” Murakami writes. “If you feel you wouldn’t want to, or it would be a hassle, then please do not go near a washing machine.” For Murakami then the love is in a basement or kitchen not much visited by students and wildly fantasised about by middle-aged housewives. Love is something vastly written about but little understood, the Black Eyed Peas line was not a sincere question but an unquestionable lament to the entire species… Maybe. Well it wasn’t. It sounds pretty good and it’s

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tered under misted breath. Sian on pages 8 and 9, takes us on a tour around campus pointing out the most fashionable students Bath has to offer in this week’s fashion spread.

one of the few people who attend your lectures.

For music on page 13 we have a great review of Jamnesty, Amnesty International’s annual music event as well as an interview with Sam Russo British folk singPage 12 is full of games re- er who draws on Americana views. Short but sweet they influences to portray an are sure to make you leap honest and unique picture out of your lecture halls of small town angst. ,rush home and grab your consoles, if of course your Enjoy… or else.

Valentine’s t’s been over a week since Valentine’s Day, gone are flowers, the chocolates, the expectations. All of it gone. I honestly don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day though so as it has been a week, I would like to ask you all a question “where is the love?” .

Cards against humanity is a card game designed for drunken fun times as well as social situations where people can’t be bothered to be funny organically. The aim of the game is to choose one or more white cards to fill in the blank read from a black card, the funniest person wins, simple really. Some of the cards are genuinely dark and hideously hilarious, a must play for anyone.

Tree of the biweek All

his week in bite we have a lovely selection of articles. The theme is “where is the love” and in true bite fashion very few articles actually address this.

got some Jurassic 5-esque “we’re the good peeps of the streets” vibes going on so they probably didn’t care as to loves location too much.

failed at life.

Valentine’s Day takes advantage of all of this, of course people don’t love their neighbour, and of course If they did care they should people don’t love the starvhave just gone to Al Falafels ing children. As Murakami on Friday night and look at so wonderfully says love is the faces of people eating not something you would cheesy chips. That’s where wish upon anyone, love is mad and blind and mad blind people rarely make sane lovers. Unless of course you’re the kind of person would like an ear in the mail. In which case… call me? Valentine’s Day then takes something nearly everyone who has experienced it is resentful about and forces couples to judge each oththe love goes, complete with er’s love by throwing dollars self-loathing yet undeniable at each other like soulless lust for more once they are bank CEO’s competing over gone. hookers. Love is something we all know we should feel we are told we must love the children starving and people dying, we must love our neighbour and most importantly unless we find our one true love we have in some way

Showing your appreciation shouldn’t be something scheduled and judged but something natural and spontaneous. Like a good fart or a tsunami, or a murdering spree – romantic stuff like that.

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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Liebral Democrats

exspoof impact Spoof Lite

What might have, but at the same time deﬁnitely didn’t, happen Greece to do Germany’s laundry for a month

Thomas Gane Does feel bad about this impact-sorry@bath.ac.uk

iriam Clegg has surprised the British political community by announcing her intention to run for Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. At a press conference announcing her candidacy, Miriam Clegg said that she had talked to Nick a lot, watched him work and decided that the role would be a rewarding endeavour. For some reason she also pointed out that it would be great experience for any future graduate jobs that she may want. To conclude she highlighted that having a woman in such a high leadership role would also be beneﬁcial; “Whilst the last government did do a good job, it was a very white, male dominated space, and this is problematic. We need women in high ranking positions for greater representation and to encourage more women to run in the future”. Following the announcement, Nick Clegg released his own statement to the press; “I know everyone thinks that it’s madness for a couple to run against each other in election and expect for everything to be easy, but we’re pretty comfortable. Sure it’ll be a two week period of late nights and early mornings, campaigning on the streets all day and spending all night in night clubs and fundrasiers, but we can deal with it. “I know the campaign trail will be difﬁcult and create a lot of tension, but I’m sure that it will all be dealt with maturely. “In terms of my campaign, I’m incredibly ready to get stuck back in to election politics. I managed to surprise a lot of people last time

round with my assent to power against the odds, and I hope I can again”. Many political commentators have speculated that this distraction between the two candidates could potentially only serve to help the incumbent Prime Minister, David Cameron. The current PM is said to be confident of his reelection and is currently the bookies favourite, although in recent weeks his strong stance on sexism has divided opinion. Some have commended him for taking a strong stance on the matter, although other elements of the population, the more traditional and sportingly minded, may have turned upon him due to this. This has led many to speculate, that perhaps Clegg, who has had experience of sporting policy in the current government, could steal that important segment of the vote. Speaking at a gathering of old Bullingdon members, where he was only referred to by his Latin title, Juvenis Knopa, Cameron said “I worked with Cleggy all year and he did a great job, but I’m confident that I’m the one to continue the developments we’ve made recently. “I’d also just like to add that my absolutely favourite part of the job has been liaising with members of the media, particularly in print. They really hold me to account and I count them as some of my most esteemed colleagues. Hip hip hooray”. Interestingly the situation mirrors the plot of last week’s Parks and Recreation finale, in which Leslie and Ben, married couple and main characters, were considering running against each other to be Governor of Indiana. The situation was resolved by Ben graciously standing down to allow Leslie to achieve her dream.

ing off suggestively. This continues from previous measures imposed by the Eurogroup, which included having to walk Merkel’s Bichon Frisé and take out the rubbish for at least one week. ‘We sort of promised what we thought people wanted to hear? We didn’t really think much of it through, but hey - it worked!’ The recently elected left-wing Syriza party (who promised to ditch austerity and renegotiate the country’s £180bn bailout with the IMF) were forced to admit, along with the Liberal Democrats and every other elected political group, ever.

Ed Miliband makes massive pectoral gains Ed Miliband has made massive election gains recently, with the most up to date reports suggesting he is now polling upwards of 200lb. His chief strategist claimed that the secret to his successes has been going back to basics. 2 x 5 and 1 x 5+, always lifting heavy, eating at a surplus and, most importantly, “Squats, squats and more fucking squats”. In a statement to the press, delivered during a topless photo op in which he deadlifted 100 new born babies, Miliband explained that he believed his new image would dispell worries that he was a weak leader; “I’m feeling good”, he said, “I’m feeling strong and I’m ready to take this energy on to the campaign trail. The one issue has been the rampant creatine shits, but it’s a small price to pay for getting so god damn swoll”. When asked if he had any messages for his political opponents, he replied; “Just one. Squat lower, bitches”.

GreggMP

Miriam Clegg to run against Nick in PM election

Angela Merkel announced on Tuesday 24th that agreement had been reached amongst the Eurozone Leaders in regards to Greece’s reform proposals to extend the bailout period by four months, in exchange for Greece doing all of Germany’s laundry for a whole month. “We call on the Greek authorities to further develop and broaden the list of reform measures, based on the current arrangement, in close co-ordination with the institutions,” the ﬁnancial leaders of the Eurozone said in a statement. “But we also really hate ironing, and we wear a lot of shirts, so…” they continued, before trail-

Can anyone actually remember the 1970s? Increasing portions of the 1970s are becoming historical dark spots, due to the decade’s pervading association with Her Majesty’s Prison Service, warns leading television pioneer Stephen Television of Television Productions. “Pretty much everything from the 1970s has broken the law at some point in the past and been erased from history like some tracksuit-clad Orwellian fantasy. I don’t even remember what happened back then... There was music, I think, but I think that might just be a hangover from all the acid in the 60s.” All we can piece together from what patchy information we have about the 70s is that some sausage-factory-like political madness ensued whereby John Wilson went in and a haunted warlord Margaret Thatcher came out.

“I can’t remember anything from that time,” says convicted TV personality Julyan Spiggs, “What happened in Vietnam? Did we win?” Spiggs now claims that there is no evidence of his career, but he thinks it might have involved either a bear suit or paintbrushes, or all or none of the above, and historians refuse to comment on the events of the decade without a lawyer present. Renowned pioneer of middle eastern vandalism Tony Blair stated in his memoirs “Where am I going to put all this money??” that the 1970s didn’t really happen, and the calendar was simply shifted forward by ten years so the country could save money on the millenium dome, which makes perfect sense, considering how many corners were cut in its construction.

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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Eating on A budget food for a week for under £20

Using Curry Sauce, Tinned Sweet Corn, Quorn Chicken, Onion and Rice, this dish is quick, easy and with the right amount of spice, delicious. Curries are always great to do early in the week, if you make too much it’s no problem just pull out your Tupperware container and load up for an easy lunch. This is a quick and simple classic. Perfect if you're really busy or just having one of those days and cooking is the last thing you want to do. I sometimes like to spice up the beans a little by adding some cheese, or even some curry powder and a handful of dried fruit, the choice is yours. I prefer to make my rice fresh each time. If you don’t have the time you can just change the Monday night recipe to a full mugful and keep it with the spare half of curry. You can also try a variant on the plain boiled rice to give a little variety. Lemon rice, spicy rice, Cumin rice. You can ﬁnd details in the ‘Techniques’ section of our website. Another great veggie dish that shows vegetarian food can be delicious, easy and not too much of an upheaval. If I was going to make this again, and I'm sure I will, I would shell out the extra couple of pence and get the sauce with added pineapple chunks. This will make enough for two servings so save a portion for Friday lunch time.

Just as good as shop bought egg mayo in my opinion and that much better for the knowledge that you made it yourself. You can stretch the sandwiches to last 5 days but I recommend making this for 4 days and having leftover sweet and sour for lunch on the Friday, possibly with bread instead of rice if you don't want to heat rice up.

Br e

Trying to maintain those pesky NewYear’s resolutions? Well here's a great breakfast that allows you to have a great start to the day and not feel guilty in the same way a bacon butty smothered in brown sauce would make you feel. There are other big tubs of yoghurt you can get and I strongly advise getting a ﬂavoured one, like strawberry, over the natural one as apparently natural translates in to sour.

The food of kings and the topic of a much heated debate in the food world, "Is pizza better hot or cold the next day?". In keeping with the vegetarian theme this week I bought a 4 cheese pizza but there is a wide range of more meaty pizzas for our carnivorous friends.

id a

Th u

W ed

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Tu e

I’m not a strict vegetarian, but recently I’ve been persuaded that there are a whole host of reasons to try and cut down on meat. From helping the environment, to health (meat tends to have a high amount of fat), to saving money. You can use meat in most of these recipes if you prefer, but if you don’t, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how simple and tasty it is.

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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No love for Bath clubs? Try Bristol! Written by Dan Whale

Motion

Intro

Lakota Big venue, usually offering a good variety between rooms/floors. Also often attracts really good nights (Happy Daze and Wide Eyes are both ones to keep an eye out for) and the place is generally laid out in a cool way. Downsides? The staff (mainly the bouncers) seem to have degrees in how to be an unpleasant douchebag – I wouldn’t recommend pissing about in the queue.

So you’ve been in Bath a while now, and you may fancy stretching your legs a little. Well the train to Bristol only takes about 10 minutes and costs £4.75 with a railcard (unfortunately the glory days when you could get it for free past 9 o’clock are long gone). For those who haven’t sampled them, here’s a little guide to some of Bristol’s hottest spots. This is just a selection, but Bristol really does have a lot to offer, go explore!

Bunker First time I went to Bunker I heard the Grease megamix…twice, but I’ve gradually developed respect for the place. Expect to hear chart stuff in a pretty decent sized venue. Lots of people go too so it’s good for meeting people. It’s not massively different from the kind of thing you can expect in Bath but with the right group it can definitely be a fun night. The DJs are not against taking requests either.

Timbuk2 Described by a friend of mine as ‘a dungeon full of weird people – but great’. Another one that’s open until late.

The big Mac Daddy. Consistently voted amongst DJ Mag’s ‘Best Clubs in the UK’ Motion is a converted skate park which offers nights in house, techno, drum and bass, funk, soul and more. The sound system is like nothing we can compare to here in Bath, so even if the music isn’t your favourite genre anyone can appreciate the surprisingly warm feeling of your bones vibrating to a baseline (seriously). In addition to the music, the venue is huge with a giant balcony above the main dancefloor and a large smoking area with tables. Plus, nights at Motion are often a bit of a spectacle; over the years I’ve seen trapeze artists, indoor fire cages, ballet dancers dressed as rabbits, giant seagulls and massage chairs. Pick the right night and it’s a bloody circus. Ticket prices are dependent on the event and how quickly you get them, and it’s usually open until 6 so just get the train back in the morn. I should probably point out; most people in there will be on drugs. If that’s not your thing don’t let it put you off; all it means is if you accidentally bump into someone instead of ‘Big Darren’ having a word with you, they’ll probably apologise, ask you where you’re from and buy you a drink. Also there’s a friendly dog on the door, but don’t pet him. Oh and don’t wear heels.

Live music and special venues If you’re more into gigs, Bristol’s not short of venues for that either. Thekla, a boat with a Banksy on the side, has won NME’s best small venue for the south west twice and is impressive whilst intimate. Start The Bus is a nice little one as well. Occasionally nights are put on in pretty unique locations. At the Old Crown Court, the DJ plays were the judge sits, you dance in the jury box and gallery. The Old Coroners court is a kind of Victorian School and The Island is an old underground prison space turned gallery – the toilets are genuinely cells.

Lizard Lounge David Guetta and groping, otherwise no.

Dojo You’ve been kicked out of all other clubs and desperately need to dance at 3:30am? Dojo.

Love from the streets of Athens Written by Constantina Tagopoulou

This year on Valentine’s Day, I decided not to celebrate in the traditional way. Instead, I travelled all the way back home to spend the day with my family. As I was walking around the streets in the centre of Athens, a label on a wall attracted my attention; “Love letters from great men”. Unfortunately in our days, Valentine’s Day has taken a totally different meaning - a materialistic one. Love and romantic gestures have been equalised with expensive gifts and most of the time losing the deeper meaning. (from Factcodesign) So, as a remedy to what commercialisation has rendered the least romantic day of the year, I decided to share with all, a selection of some of my favourite love letters and sayings. Better late than never, happy Valentines Day. One day someone told me “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return”(Moulin Rouge). But as I grew up I learnt that "the best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever." (The Notebook) You may be someone’s “wonderwall… and maybe you are gonna be the one that saves me “(Oasis). Or you may be lucky enough to be June Carter, Johnny Cash’s wife to receive the birthday wishes that after some years will be known worldwide as the best love letter of all times; “we got old and got used to each other. We think alike. We read each others [sic] minds. We know what the other wants without asking. Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit. Maybe sometimes we take each other for granted. But once in a while, like today, I meditate on it and realize how lucky I am to share my life with the greatest woman I ever met.” Love is one of the most diachronic values. Back in the 1800’s Lord Byron wrote to his lover “I more than love you, and cannot cease to love you. Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us, –but they never will, unless you wish it.” You may “never dream that you may love somebody like you (Chris Isaak) and end up to be asking “will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?”. Because “to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die” (The Smiths). And “in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make” (The Beatles). ever thine ever mine ever ours (Beethoven)

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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Game Corner Old Game, New life

Love is in the A.Ir Written by Elliot Belcamp

love RPGs. I really do. This is largely because, just like why I like to read, I play video games primarily to escape the excruciating monotony of my otherwise drab existence. And part of the particular allure for RPGs is making the character my own through the choices I make. So for me the trend of adding romantic options to RPGs is a great one. Because for a guy who likes to customise every aspect of his characters it upsets me that I can’t also decide the type of woman (or man - my fictional heroes are progressively liberal) they’re attracted too. In my opinion the Dragon Age franchise is the best example of this, as a game that centres very much around a world that reacts to your morally ambiguous decisions, it would be slightly disappointing if romance in Thedas was any less complex. It mercifully does the game justice, with your chances at persuading other characters to share your tent depending largely on how much they approve of characters action. Which in theory adds to the replayability of the game, as if you decide to play the game a different way your booty call options shift respectively. This however, for me, falls down. Because instead of hooking up with whoever best fits my character, I find myself (rather embarrassingly) making choices to impress whichever of my party I’ve decided I want knock my armoured boots with. Something I think my string of past flings probably wish I emulated in real life. But hey, this way I have more time to play video games.

Byrion

Videogame Photography

Written by Helen Edworthy

hhh Ocarina, Nintendo’s Grand Duchess. If hearing the words ‘Legend of Zelda’ doesn’t immediately make you think of Ocarina of Time, you’ve either been hiding in a cave for the past 17 years, or you’re younger than twenty. Either way, go and think about your life choices. The beautiful Ocarina of Time was released again for the 3DS in 2011, and the Grand Duchess was re-rendered, updated, and…sort of upgraded. A little bit. The good thing about Ocarina of Time 3D, first and foremost, is that it gives the younger generations the chance to play it. It also gives me the chance to play it, as a very depth-perception challenged individual (handhelds are easier). In short, Ocarina of Time 3DS looks beautiful; Kokiri Forest looks gorgeous and lush and green, the Shadow Temple has been made creepier, and the Great Fairy is now finally terrifying in 3D. I love that fairy, I really do. The item system has also been given a wonderful makeover; the various boots now count as items, which makes the blasted Water Temple a little bit less annoying now the Iron Boots come off with just one button. However, whilst Ocarina of Time 3D looms beautiful and has a lot of the irritating parts of the original taken away, it still has the same shortcomings. It still feels almost-epic, which is understandable and forgivable if you think of Ocarina as being Nintendo working out how to make a 3D Zelda. It still doesn’t have the fleshed out characters of Majora’s Mask, or the cult of love that Wind Waker formed. But it’s still good old Ocarina of Time, and it’s still great fun. I know that I for one have completely fallen for its nostalgic charms. At the end of the day, Ocarina of Time feels like a beloved old friend, and I’m glad she’s back.

Somthing about a pair of great tits? Wikipedia

Written by Tommy Parker

re you tired of those boring love simulations that only care about people? Ever think that games need more birds and anime with incredibly dark endings? Then you should play Hatoful Boyfriend. Well only play the game if you want to laugh, if you want an actual game to play this one should be avoided. Hatoful Boyfriend revolves around you starting at a school and trying to find your one ‘true bird love’. I am not even kidding, you literally court birds. It probably wouldn’t be as bad if you also played as a bird, but you are a human and dating birds. This is an actual game someone made and you can play. The mechanics are simple, everything is conversation based and you progress with which dialogue options you choose. This drives the storyline, and you get different endings depending on which options you choose. It is primarily a dating sim but has some incredibly dark endings. One of them involves a student being killed by a doctor and you get tricked into eating it, AND if that’s not enough, you then die to be preserved in a jar. It starts with lots of hearts and cuteness and then ends in death. I would love to meet the person who made this game because it is just so creepy. For all its weirdness it is a hilarious game. It is definitely something you should play with your friends as you will get a lot of laughs out of it. However the one thing I cannot forgive is the bird puns, and they are bad puns at that. They swap “body” with “birdie” at every opportune moment which is just unforgivable. Definitely something to try just to experience something that is the equivalent of falling down the rabbit hole.

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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Music Corner Write that bitch a love song, bitches love love songs.

Jamnesty 2015 Written by Hannah Batey and Sophie Smith

Written by Thomas Gane This vagueness has become a staple of the industry and a focal tactic in career building. The best example of it is almost certainly One Direction, who live their entire lives, not just their songs, through this principle. The band lives in a state of constant openness and publicity. Fans are promised access to the band 24/7 through their songs, DVD’s, books and social media accounts. They have to be obvious and visible, like the scenario in the song, yet they can never divulge anything real, as it would ruin the illusion. Fans are given hundreds of inconsequential facts to memorise, use, buy, and thus choose their favourites accordingly; yet nothing is revealed about who they really are and what they think. A fan can never find out anything that would make them realise that the imaginary relationship or friendship they have created would go anything less than perfectly. A quick browse through the member’s Twitter feeds reveals this contradiction. They’re an almost constant stream of content but contain nothing real; posts are rarely more than a few sentences and are often just one phrase about something pop culture related. Harry Styles in particular has developed this into a borderline art form. Examples of his Twitter genius include ‘Playing top ten fruits with my mates’, ‘Christmas songs… I am your slave’, and simply ‘Burgers’. It’s not just One Direction though, Justin Bieber was the template everything is built on, and Selena Gomez even went Meta with it by releasing ‘Love you like a Love Song’. These two stars, as well as the likes of Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and The Jonas Brothers, had to fight to get out of this mould, and it’ll be interesting to see how long One Direction last. But anyone, to return to our title, where is the love song? Well, I guess it’s everywhere, but it’s all nothing at the same time. Satisfied? No, me neither. I’m going to listen to Bright Eyes. Martin Fisch

Valentie

f you were asked what the most popular type of pop song was you’d probably reply ‘love songs’, and with good reason. At the time of writing the number one in Official UK Top 40 has the title Love Me Like You Do, and a quick scroll down the list reveals that the most common theme by far is the mystery of human intimacy (or its less mysterious and more graphic cousin). This all seems obvious. The only reason poetry was invented was because somebody wanted someone else’s genitals in and around their mouth, and people have written love songs since Christianity made it improper to just write, “I want to bite your face (in a nice way)”, in shit outside someone’s grovel. Love songs are easy to write, easy to consume and easy to drink. It makes sense that there are a lot of them, but then are what we have right now really love songs? Just look at some of the lyrics to our current number one by Ellie Goulding. In the first verse we have “You're the light, you're the night / You're the colour of my blood / You're the cure, you're the pain / You're the only thing I wanna touch / Never knew that it could mean so much, so much”. Then in the second, “Fading in, fading out / On the edge of paradise / Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find / Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire”. Regardless of their artistic merit, the style is clear to see. The description is vague, with the metaphors painting a very open picture in terms of detail, yet what is actually going on? It’s also very focused on the listener as the object of Goulding’s desire isn’t a he or a she, it’s a you. Whilst this could be an artistic choice, to personalise the song and engage the listener, it also easily allows the listener to imagine themselves within the song, either as Ellie’s partner in Ellie’s place with their own partner. For it to truly be a love song it would also convey vulnerability, intimacy and a true knowledge of the partner, not just a hazy description of a fuck.

n Friday 20th February, the University’s Amnesty society put on a charity gig in aid of ‘Women for Refugee Women’, an organisation that works with women seeking asylum in the UK. Throughout the course of the night, Jamnesty raised a huge £920 for the charity from ticket sales and raffle tickets. This money will go a long way, with £40 giving one woman the chance to attend their support group each week and £100 giving 50 women a hot meal, huge success if you ask us. "Jamnesty was a fantastic night, great music, cheap drinks and brilliant company. They also raised nearly £1000 this year and it really reflects all the effort the committee put in this."- John Heath, member of Amnesty society The feel-good atmosphere mixed with the adrenaline set the night up well for what was going to be a lot of dancing (shout out to the guy dancing on our table) and merriment. The sheer amount of people who managed to fit into the upstairs of Molloys was staggering and it was great to see so many people turn up for such a good cause. To start the night, Mark Hegan performed a mix of acoustic cover and originals from his band ‘In an Instant’. This was a lovely, mellow start to the night with some really impressive musical skills. We especially loved all of the original content, keeps it fresh. Second to play was Laz and the gifted Catfish Playboys, with their bluesy tones and very original versions of popular songs. Despite some minor technical issues, Acid Test’s set was brilliantly engaging with lots of banter between them and the crowd; loved the kazoo solo. Last up was The Reprobators who finished the night off well. They did some really interesting takes on modern songs and got the entire crowd dancing along. “It was just ridiculously fun to play at really, there's nothing like looking out and seeing a packed room of people smiling and (in some cases) dancing and singing along. It was ridiculously sweaty though, a long shower was needed after our set”- Tasha Jokic, The Reprobators We would like to take this moment to thank Amnesty for putting on such an incredible night and would highly recommend everyone to go next year.

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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Poetweet We’re sure that many of you have seen Poetweet on your various social media proﬁles lately, you 21st Century kids you. If you haven’t, it’s a website that takes your Twitter account and produces poems from whatever 140 characters of nonsense you drunkenly send in to the world at 3am. Seen as poetry is the written expression of love, we decided to collate some from our editorial team, as well as from our oﬃcal Bath Student Media accounts. Read on. Be amazed. Weep openly. It’s okay to feel.

boards l l i b P I UK by Tom orst one w e h t s ed it wa nd Bob's Burgers e r g a e W h grime a 's done g u o n e t he No ite thing goal scorers r u o v a f al My rt, natur e b m a L And s) collector t r a e r i a n (of millio rugby is good phors the At least riddles and meta of od? s the mo Entirely s e u g o t nts Who wa paper? w o n t n sentie Chance h t i w k c Are you fu dapper e should Everyon ommy looks more rT If Ron o n Sport i s g n i h t ul d wonderf t s o abus gol m g e e m Th a n ifﬁcult o nce as a support Pretty d ave Cha h y l e t i n Deﬁ

Student paper by bathimpact

As it turns ou t that was just iﬁed Step far beyon d these frontier s? Jessup tonguetied

Doesn't lie. w omens triumph s over Could risk crea ting a 'Nanny Union' High Tension: DPRK Under cover Being rejected by the sport? To what exten t this is produ ctive

At last by Ben Butcher Types, but excells in sport Culture continue to hold together? In Europe if no policy support. One but mean the start of another For elections then and outshout The incorruptable master of the air The money kept rolling in (and out) In lair. Alleviate process of ageing? In August for inciting violence £17m p.a subsidising of licencing Straying from main three parties I wanted to be a Rock&Roll star + need to continue aid for MIEs

prove RB) m i t s Mu th (U a B o i ad Uni R

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Tuesday 3rd March 2015

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facebook.com/bathimpact The tories the tories the tories. That’s all you need to know. Also, don’t forget about the tories



Aquarius

January 21 - February 19

That image of you in Second Bridge with the vacantly glazed drunken expression like that of a disused porn star will come back to haunt you when you graduate. I suggest dying your  Pisces February 20 - March 20 hair or plastic surgery.

You will soon realise Virgo the university at which August 23 - September 22 you’re studying is IN FACT running the largest and most elaborate phishing scam in the world, and STILL you’re gonna send them an image of your passport.

Leo July 22 - August 22

If you were thinking of running for SU Oﬃcer, but were kind of on-the-fence, GOOD NEWS! You’re too late, the decision was made for you!

Illustrations illustrated by Charles ‘Smeg’ Jones

Your quest for vengeance will come to fruition in an epic showdown with samurai swords and a fantastic soundtrack. I’m not just making these up based on what I’m  Cancer listening to right now. June 21 - July 21

Naming your van the “Pussy Wagon” was a mistake. DON’T drive it to your interview tomorrow.

 Aries

March 21 - April 20

That girl you fanScorpio cy in your lecture October 23 - November 21 group will send you a corny handwritten note in your next lecture, in a scene reminiscent of a movie cliche.

 Libra

 Taurus

When you threaten your work colleagues in english while holding a severed head, make sure you have someone to translate. It- (Enough! Make some other jokes!)

April 21 - May 20

The transition of Neptune into Pluto’s orbit is looking so smoking hot right now. You can’t help but feel weak at the knees when you hear the phrase “interpenetrating rings”.

 Gemini May 21 - June 20

Those free chlamydia kits are a brilliant thing, c’est vrai, but don’t take one to your interview tomorrow. December 22 - January 20 Better still, don’t put your hand up in the middle of the interview and say you gotta “run make pee pee” and come back with the jar of urine, such an absurdity would only happen in a clumsily written slapstick comedy movie.

If you’re feeling a bit September 23 - October 22 reclusive this week, just remember the simple phrase “A stranger is just a wanker you haven’t met yet”.

Capricorn

The note passed to November 22 - December 21 you in the lecture says “LPbnbhudfasea111”, and you realise it wasn’t a hot girl, but a cat walking over a keyboard.

Sagittarius

Horoscopes writed by A bearded idiot and a Welsh fool (Jonathan Archer & Tom Gane)

Tuesday 3rd March 2015

bite

facebook.com/bathimpact

Crossword

Snuzzly Puzzly Zone

Arithmaster

Enter the numbers 1–6 into the grid so that each number appears precisely once in each row and column. For each barred block, the result of applying the given arithmetic operation to the numbers within the block must equal the given result.

Jigsawduko Enter the numbers 1–9 into the grid so that each number appears precisely once in each row, column and barred block.

Across

Down

1 Counterattack in fencing (7) 5 Ban on trade (with another country) (7) 9 Flying social insect (9) 10 Powdered tobacco for nasal inhalation (5) 11 Sanctimonious, self-righteous (6-4-4) 13 Unsuccessful person, loser (4-3) 15 Decode, decipher (7) 17 Personal pride (3) 18 Fiendish (7) 20 _______ Smith, protagonist of 1984 (7) 22 Head of a convent (6,8) 26 Extreme boredom (5) 27 Indigenous Australian (9) 28 Picturesque features of a landscape (7) 29 Reticence, timidity (7)

1 Red precious stone (4) 2 Excessively self-important (7) 3 Persevere (7,2) 4 Smouldering piece of coal or wood (5) 5 Make-up for the eyelid (9) 6 Depression in the earth; sink (5) 7 Approximately (7) 8 Distracting, disconcerting (3-7) 12 Lack of order (10) 14 Needed, required (9) 16 Harmony, correspondence (9) 19 Daytime performance of a play, etc. (7) 21 Be unfaithful to (a lover) (3-4) 23 Banish from one’s homeland (5) 24 Religiously devout (5) Subdivide the grid into regions such that each contains exactly one dot, 25 Disorderly and confused state (4)

Pinwheels

about which it has 180-degree rotational symmetry.

Quick Quiz 1. Canaletto was famous for his paintings of which Italian city? 2. What is the longest river in Ireland? 3. In Wayne’s World, what is Wayne’s surname? 4. What is the oﬃcial London residence of the Archbishop of Canterbury? 5. The Rupert Bear comic has been published since 1920 in which national newspaper?

6. Cinnabar is a principal ore of which elemental metal? 7. In Japanese cuisine, of what is matcha a powdered form? 8. What does BMX stand for? 9. Who defeated Edward II at the Battle of Bannockburn? 10. What was Ben E. King’s only UK number-one single?

Solutions 17th November Dialinear

One Upper

Unequality

Quick Quiz Answers 6. Mercury 7. (Green) tea 8. Bicycle motocross 9. Robert the Bruce 10. Stand by Me

1. Venice 2. Shannon 3. Campbell 4. Lambeth Palace 5. Daily Express

Crossword Solutions Posted @ ‘bathimpact’ on Facebook; join the darkside for solutions

Puzzles created by Dorian Lidell