2
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com
bite Editorial : Chris Brown I
m sure that most of you (I m not actually sure at all, it just seems like a good way to start this) read the editorial on page two of bathimpact that raises the question of Oscar Pistorius and what will history remember? The heroic amputee who struggled against both his disability and regulatory bodies to become the rst Paralympian to compete in the Olympics, or the far less heroic individual who shot his girlfriend through a bathroom door. If you haven t then I recommend it, it s awfully good and got me thinking about the similar cases in music. The most obvious example here is Chris Brown and I know The Grammys were a while ago by the time this goes to print, but I feel it s still an interesting point. Obviously the main talking point was the evident fact that Rihanna appeared to have forgiven Chris for seemingly attempting cartoon levels of violence on her face and then deciding to eternally document that fact with a tattoo on his neck. He had also assaulted Frank Ocean a few weeks earlier and refused to applaud the Odd Futures star who beat him in the Best Urban Contemporary Album category, thereby cementing his status as the Mel Gibson of the RnB world (we would contact Mel for a statement but we assume he d be too busy throwing rocks at a Gay Pride poster). Anyway I personally think it is absolutely disgusting that this man is not only allowed back into the music business, but is also still celebrated and adored. Not one person tried to set him on re, not even a little bit, but I think Chris Brown is a lost cause. He is literally a symbol for everything that is wrong with the west (ETIWWTW from now on). He is what would happen if Goldman Sachs turned into a person. He is the
A nibble of bite
opposite of Batman (Community props yo). Instead I m going to segue nicely into Rihanna and the fans. Firstly, Rihanna and the fact that some people are chastising her over her decision to get back with ETIWWTW. She s a grown woman; she can make her own decisions. She s also not exactly living a normal life, I mean what with the constant media presence and the millions and millions of dollars. If I had that lifestyle you d probably nd me dressed as a 19th century explorer taking my Ocelot on a walk through my cocaine desert to the Whiskey Sea for a dip in Zooey Deschanel Cove (I m still yet to decide if it s a cove with the real Zooey Deschanel in or with multiple look-a-likes) and lunch on LSD Island. We ve all made mistakes and not realised it until it s too late, imagine if your love life was ashed up on millions of websites and iPhones as soon as you did something you probably shouldn t have. I think it s important to remember that Rihanna, despite being famous, is still a victim of domestic abuse and shouldn t be publically attacked for her decisions. It seems a little patronising and insensitive to me. It also leaves less time for chastising ETIWWTW and we need to focus our hatred here people. Now we ll move onto the fans, or as they re affectionately known, Team Breezy . They re a bit infamous for defending ETIWWTW ercely and illiterately across Twitter and Facebook (for example their attacks on Zach Braff during the Grammys after Zach pointed out that ETIWWTW is a horrible woman beating scumbag). Now I don t know many Chris Brown fans, I think it s because most of my friends have ears and eyes that are connected to functioning brains, but I know a lot of Lostprophets
fans and they have arguably had to suffer an even more horric truth about one of their idols, lead singer Ian Watkins. Now I ve never really been a big Prophets fan, but I know a lot of their fans will have used that music to get them through hard times and perhaps now feel that the music is tainted. This could then potentially put them back into whatever dark place they were in before and make it more difcult to work their way out again because of the effect of the scandal. After the Ian Watkins scandal broke on Facebook I saw a lot of people attacking fans who had previously openly supported Lostprophets, with some suggesting that they were enabling a paedophile”. Despite the horric crime Watkins is accused of, this is clearly wrong and could potentially do lasting damage to a fan who is already suffering through a confusing experience. In the same way that blindly defending Chris Brown despite the fact he is ETIWWTW is wrong, attacking a fan solely for believing in the music someone may once have creates is also wrong. You can separate the music and the message from the person, but you equally can never use it as an excuse. Anyway, that s a rather more serious beginning to an issue than we usually have. This issue s theme is Geek and it s rather awesome and more light hearted than this I promise. Hope you kids enjoy it.
This week s theme is...
Blog of the week:
Geek! We’re at a university that specialises in Maths, Physics and Engineering so we assume this will be relevant here at Bath (stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason). If you glance to your right you ll see Ron Morrow discussing Geek culture s move to the mainstream and if you turn to page 5 Rachel Fletcher will be discussing some of the consequences of this. Then we also have geek chic fashion on pages 10 and 11, along with geek themed lifestyle on pages 14 and 15.
http://davidcameronpretendingtobecommon.tumblr. com/
To get involved in bite and hear the playlist for this issue, head over to our facebook group at www.facebook.com/bathimpactbite Or email me at impact-bite@bath.ac.uk
Basically does what it says on the tin. Pictures that document David Camreon s frequent and often hilarious attempts to bond with the common man. It s one of those things where you don t realise how funny it is until you see it for yourself.
If you do one thing this week...
Things to...
This one has to be going to see Netsky at the O2 Academy Bristol on March 2nd. If you turn to page 9 you can see our interview with the Belgian producer who brings his critically acclaimed Netsky LIVE tour to Bristol. Expect a live band playing all manner of EDM from his genre spanning album, 2 , with a fantastic atmosphere and heavy drops.
Watch: It s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Considering the fact that it s absolutely brilliant and stars Danny DeVito and Charlie Day, it s a surprise that this American comedy is so little known in the UK. Read: Hunter S. Thompson. Because everyone loves drug fueled rampages. Listen: Netsky. Just read our interview on page 9 to nd out why. 2013 Tomb Raider reboot anyone? 12th March
Best quotes from our heads
It s game time
“When the going gets weird, the weird go pro.” ― Hunter S. Thompson
Fancy a quick video games x? Well turn to page 7! Ron Morrow gives us his usual lm review and this week he turns his expert eye upon Wreck It Ralph, Disney s brand new lm set in the world of video games. Alex Grounds then discusses the future of gaming and takes us through the new Linux-Steam systems that are set to bring PC Gaming to the mainstream.
I pray my dick gets as big as the Eiffel Tower so I can fuck the world for 72 hours” ― Kendrick Lamar “Don’t vajazzle our memories.” ― Charlie Brooker
New Release:
The Stereophonics, Grafti On The Train, March 4th
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
3
bathimpact.tumblr.com
On nerds, by nerds, for nerds trentsc
written by Ron Morrow
The nerd, often ridiculed or excluded, seems to be coming into the mainstream with shows such as The Big Bang Theory, but is this really leading to wider acceptance?
I
am a nerd. Admittedly not the kind you ll see antagonised and bullied in American sit-coms and lms, with the awkward set of social skills and a set of jam jar lenses stuffed into a set of thick frames. Although oh man, I’ve lost count of how many of those boxes I tick. I ll my time with lms, books, and games of the video, board, card and roleplaying varieties (yes that means D&D. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it). I make ridiculous costumes for nights out, quote references endlessly, and have a heightened appreciation for internet memes. By my own constructed denition, I am a nerd. In hindsight, I had it pretty easy as a nerd in secondary school, especially if the dramatisations of lms actually exist elsewhere in the world. My school may as well have been in Bizarro World, where the World of Warcraft playing mosher kids somehow clawed their way to the top of the social hierarchy, leaving the arrogant jocks and chavs at the bottom to squabble. I have no idea how this came to be, but it meant that I never had to hide my interests for fear of being shunned. My brother on the other hand went to a different school and spent seven years being cool but having to reel in how nerdy he was in public. When we got to university it meant that we reacted in very different ways; I stayed exactly the same where as he was suddenly able to nally be much more open about his interests. But that’s a span of history covering 10 years. A hell of a lot changes in 10 years. To some extent, though I hate to ever admit it, I owe thanks to the hipsters for making it common to wear things ironically where they otherwise would have been slated. While this does admittedly allow me to wear my favourite t-shirt in clubs (a design modelled after the Iron Man Mk. V armour, thanks for asking) and get away with being half fashionable, this comes as a double edged sword. If people do like things ironically then it means that they don’t really like them, they just like
popular things. This is the point at which the separation becomes clear. On the surface is the nerdy image that’s been so heavily popularised and adopted by the mainstream, while the nerds and the things they actually like are left behind. The most explicit example I can think of pertaining to this phenomena are the jumpers with “geek” or “nerd” written across them in size innity text. Honestly, I don’t get it. If I’m wrong then I’ll be the rst to admit it, but judging books by their covers has led to me to believe that the majority of people wearing them haven’t touched a games console in their life. Somehow in one fell swoop people have managed to convert an entire subculture of interests into an indifferent brand, while simultaneously being far too reminiscent of an internet meme by the loving name “Idiot nerd girl”. For the unacquainted, this is a picture of a girl with incredibly oversized glasses and the word “NERD” written across her hand and accompanied by statements such as “Harry Potter 3D glasses - Nerd swag”, “The cake is a lie! - Has never played Portal”, and “I watch the Big Bang Theory! - I’m such a nerd”. You get the idea, we see someone trying to free ride in our scene and instantly we take them down a peg (from the anonymous safety of the internet of course). People like Mark Zuckerberg have helped to hugely glamourise the path of the intellectual, and as ever imitation is the sincerest form of attery. Yet in the nerd scene the imitation is taken as offence and isn’t attering in the least, as it isn’t us you’re really imitating; the “nerds” seen in the news are so often your own creation that you only perpetually mimic yourselves. In return we offer disregard, propagating a rift between groups that neither seems fully intent on ever bridging. Shows like BBT have done a similar thing to the fashion statements of the hipsters in many ways though, loving as they may appear on the surface. They’ve helped popularise our interests by having their four main characters hold every
nerdy interest known to man (how they nd time for all of it I have no idea. They’re PhD students! They should have nowhere near that much free time!), but as soon as you take a step back you begin to see where the laughter is actually directed. The majority of Polly’s jokes take on the form of some kind of put down and more often than not it’s at behaviour that’s just a little too relatable for comfort. I still remember a joke they made in season 1 about Sin (30) being roughly/ exactly one half and nding it hilarious (trust me, maths jokes are where it’s at), but as time has gone on it’s become harder to laugh with these culture representatives and much easier to laugh at them and their caricaturistic traits. What I want people to understand is this: being a nerd is awesome. The whole idea of being geeky about something is that you’re incredibly enthusiastic about it, whatever it may well be. While there are car-geeks and football-geeks (though never labelled as such), the generic term has somehow become one of derision. If we didn’t think these things were awesome then we wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about them! I think Simon Pegg, another self-professed nerd, can sum it up far better than I, “Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.” I’d love to see more people taking an interest in my enthusiasm of choice (honestly, I can talk about lms for days, especially sci-, and frequently do), and considering The Avengers topped the Box Ofce last year it looks like more people are doing. But to see people parading around as a parody of myself is an odd reection to see every day. I’m not hurt and I’m not insulted, but more upset that people don’t think to scratch the surface of the skin they’ve taken to wearing.
4
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com
Modern Notes: Outsiders Written by Rowan Emslie
T
he prairies of the Wild West inspires an almost instant chain of reactions for the imagination. John Wayne, horses, harmonicas, violence, vast sunsets and endless shots of bourbon in a panel-doored saloon. Everybody s seen the lms or read the books. Given a little prompting, a lot of people might whistle one of the many pieces of music indelibly linked to the romantic vision of the land of the cowboys. Many of these sights and sounds are incongruous or atout incorrect. Ten Gallon Stetsons were not widely worn (this is one of the few cases in which you should not take everything Clin Eastwood has done as gospel) in the West, it was the humble bowler that was the hat of choice. There were actually only a handful of bank robberies between 1859 and 1900 - the timeline of the ‘frontier West’. When many Western lms were made a century later, violent crime was far more prevalent than the lawless era they sought to immortalise. Of course, most of those lms were directed, written and produced by Italians and actually shot in Spain. The most iconic soundtracks were largely written by Ennio Morricone, a luminous musical talent from his earliest childhood in Rome. Chances are, if you do start whistling a soundtrack from a Western, he wrote it. The most American of all lm genres is pretty much dominated by foreigners, at least behind the scenes. The stars are as American as homicidal apple pie, but the men and women who dressed them, put the words in their mouths and put them out into the dustlands of Spain were normally European. Unsurprisingly, it is the outsider, the hard-bitten loner from out of town, who fullls the role of hero in many Westerns. A pure form of escapism, the outsider lmmakers, away from the prosperity of the gilded Hollywood hills, cast themselves as the most American of all roles, hoping to be embraced by an isolationist nation wary of the old world. Before lm took the Western to Europe, Aaron Copland - a second generation immigrant of Lithuanian-Jewish descent became perhaps the most popular American composer of all time by putting the spirit of the frontier into music. While he initially dabbled in high-modernist composition, by the 1930s he developed a wilfully populist style that established him as the most well-known American composer of the twentieth century. His works include Fanfare For The Common Man, Appalachian Spring and Lincoln s Portrait - all are staples of Americana , used extensively by politicians of both hues seeking to evoke idealised patriotic visions. Listening to them, the audience is transported to the vast open vistas of Arizona, striding out on horseback to a new life and a new world. This is the music of hope and the American dream, patriotism remodelled as an immigrant’s dream of the USA. As is famously inscribed on “Give me your tired, your poor, / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. It’s probably no surprise that Copland didn’t really t in with the social norms of his era - he was homosexual, a Francophone and an avowed liberal with several famous socialist friends and comrades. Morricone is a darling of the European avant-garde, born from a musical family, who built his fame from collaborations with Europeans. Neither are natural icons of the patriotic romanticism of the Wild West - you can t imagine them striking up a friendship with John Wayne, for instance. All-American, hard-drinking, womanising lm icons tend not to mix with classical composers at the best of times. Copland and Morricone cemented their popularity in American culture despite these difculties. Wordlessly, they overcame the very real potential of outsider status. The unspoken hero is another Western archetype. Eastwood s most iconic character is credited as, simply, The Man With No Name. He strides into situations and saves the day, a man with no identity and no past. This is, surely, the dream of any stranger coming into a new environment. It is suitable that the music of immigrants became the soundtrack of that dream.
You don t know how much you need a giant image of Clint Eastwood, until you have a giant image of Clint Eastwood
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
5
bathimpact.tumblr.com
The Self Proclaimed Nerd written by Rachel Fletcher
missguided
A
This is the kind of thing we’re talking about and we don’t approve. Yes, I know it’s difcult, but we don’t
ccording to the ever reliable World Wide Web (a place I may as well start calling home ) the term geek is one used to describe a highly unfashionable or socially inept person or someone with an eccentric devotion to a particular interest . Both definitions, especially the former are somewhat derogatory. The reason I felt the need to google such a common place word as geek before I started writing this was because I thought maybe I might have my definition slightly wrong. Growing up, geek and nerd were names thrown at the so called swots of the classroom, these names were the reason that nobody liked to be the first to put their hand up, or mention that they did particularly well in a spelling test. I have always found them to be rather negative terms, and I m glad my good friend Google agrees. In this day in age, although it s still scarily close to the school days that I remember, being a nerd is more of a fashion statement and something to be shouted about. So much so that fifteen year old girls feel the need to wear the word in bold capitals across their jumpers. And I m not blaming the girls, fifteen year old girls will always wear stupid clothes and call themselves stupid things. It wasn t so long ago that we were wearing skinny jeans and band T-shirts, and growing fringes that we couldn t see out from under (and I know that wasn t just me). I guess I should blame Top Shop for selling shirts like this, but then again, Top Shop will always be there to put you in something ridiculous and hiding your true ridiculousness from everyone but a future you. The issue is, especially if you are fifteen, the words nerd and geek seem to have this dual meaning, and depending on your social status, the words will mean different things. I must apologise for both Google s and my own definition of geeks, and just clarify that when I say that it is a derogatory term, I do not mean that there is anything wrong with being an actual geek, just that it is often used wrongly to bully and belittle. If you ve worked damn hard to be the best in the country at some ridiculously complex and severely specific branch of Physics, then you probably, by classical use of the term, are a geek . If you are currently the unbeaten champion of Magic: The Gathering, then you too, probably also have nerdy elements to your personality. And if you, like me, enjoy the occasional bad science joke, then you probably are a bit of a nerd. And I use these words this time endearingly, and am in no way calling you a completely socially inept, awkward mess. To get to where you are on that Physics course requires hard work, you ve worked to earn the term geek. If you like to play endless games of Magic on weekends, then you ve also earned the term. And if you ve got to a level where you can understand high end science banter, then maybe not to the extent of the other two, but you ve done something to earn the label. And my problem is the girls in the GEEK jumpers haven t, nor have many of the planet s teenagers, although I can guarantee that their Tumblr pages, and Big Bang Theory box-sets will testify differently. Wearing big glasses doesn t make you a nerd (and at the risk of those who know me calling me a massive hypocrite), it makes you an annoying little swaglet who doesn t understand what they re saying about themselves (I should mention at this point, that I need my glasses to actually see). Playing Pokemon and raving about how much you love it to the cyber world when you re barely old enough to remember or know what a Gameboy Colour is, does not make you a geek, it means you just like Pokemon. But, I guess I shouldn t hold it against these eager to fit into a niche teenagers. Like I said, we were all fifteen once and making bad decisions. Maybe the self- proclaimed nerds aren t the issue. Maybe the issue is that there are selfproclaimed anythings. Maybe we should just stop labelling ourselves, and others, and just be self- proclaimed humans.
6
Monday 25th February 2013
bite www.bathimpact.com
Theatre Review: Great Expectations written by Ron Morrow and Lucinda Vinestock
D
espite my previous closest contact with Charles Dickens being A Muppet s Christmas Carol, I have to admit I thoroughly enjoyed the new West End production of Great Expectations. It could have been something to do with the fact that the main character, Pip, is played fantastically and is totally my type: rugged, lost, in need of saving and not afraid to experiment with makeup. Even if that s not it, it s definitely worth seeing. Despite being unacquainted with Great Expectations, I was happy to find it an interesting, emotive, and thought-provoking play that I loved and I it enjoyed as a performance even more so. For any Dickensian virgins (ha, that vaguely works on an innuendo level, who knew?), Great Expectations is the tale of a man by the name of Pip revisiting a part of his life left deserted. He sees the younger version of himself live out his life, with the parallels drawn from the side-by-side performances of old (Paul Nivison) and young (Taylor Jay-Davies) being weirdly haunting yet utterly mesmerising. The potential difficulty and pitfalls of producing an adaptation from something written in the first person are completely overcome by the skill of the actors and the production as a whole. The Tim Burton-esque staging and cobwebbed couture costumes makes the whole thing feel gothic and twisted. The staging is phenomenal: faces protruding from the sides of the stage, men climbing out of decaying walls, cobwebs swaying over the stage, secret hideyholes. Sticking to one set piece and demonstrating different locales by a change in lighting gives a natural flow to the performance, as well as illustrating just how rooted Pip s memories are in the house he can never forget. The way space is used and the lighting, sound effects and movements are so well suited to the play and its message that it feels as though it could never be done any other way. The portrayal of Dickens creations is spot on and they are portrayed with stylistic excellence. Pip is jovial but wonderfully haunted, both old and young; Joe is a chump and plays the loyal best friend as well as Carrie s besties do in SATC; Estella (Grace Rowe) is darkly beautiful and plays the heartless bitch who discovers she actually has a heart incredibly well; Miss Havisham (Paula Wilcox) is played very much in the Mr Rochester s crazy-oldwife-in-the-attic style, and then some. Mr Wopsle, whose odd name doesn t even come near to his odd personality, made my skin crawl with his weird groping and purring apt, given that he looked like Dr Seuss Cat in the Hat. Odd, but brilliant. Speaking of creepy, the whole play feels just a little bit... seedy. I m not sure if it was my overeager Freudian mind or not, but the play seems to involve a fair amount of incestuous stroking, near-crotch action and general sexualisation of everything. In-your-end-o, if you know what I m saying. I d be interested in learning more about the contouring makeup they used to create the urchin-chic-with-amazing-bone-structure look, but more so in the staging and the way it was directed I ve not been so enthralled by the mechanics of language and theatre in a long time. The interpretation of the words and emotions was phenomenal and reminded why I love the theatre so much. The exaggeration of everything made the play even more gothic and magical. And also I would quite like the lead character s phone number (pretty please?). All in all, this West End production of Great Expectations is an incredibly fitting way to celebrate Charles Dickens 201st birthday. What larks . Playing at the Vaudeville Theatre, London, from the 18th February to the 30th March. Tickets from £45.00 Adapted by Jo Clifford Directed by Graham McLaren
Music Review: Everything Everything written by Robert Page
T
he rst time someone listens to an Everything Everything track, their reaction is usually something along the lines of what the fuck was that? or What is wrong with that man s voice? But after a second or third listen, it all starts to make a lot more sense. Everything Everything are nothing if not different, or as lead singer Jonathan Higgs put it when asked what genre the band fell into, We try not to make it sound like a lot of things you ve heard before. Arc is the bands follow up to 2011 s Mercury nominated debut album, Man Alive, and it s clear that the band are not keen to rest on their laurels in terms of their sound. This is a much more grown-up album then their spiky and youthful rst record, although the old Everything Everything is deantly still to be heard on tracks like ‘Cough Cough’ and ‘Torso Of The Week’, as only Everything Everything could start an album off with the lyrics yeah, so, um, wait a second . Ironically the album never really gets going after Cough Cough but slower numbers such as The Peaks speak volumes as to the potential this band has to connect with audiences beyond the catchy novelties that dominated their early work. All in all, this album is probably on a par with Man Alive, and although that in itself is a great compliment, you do get the sense that this is a band who could achieve a lot more. Who know maybe they will, but this certainly won t be remembered as great if they go on to have the career their potential merits.
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
7
bathimpact.tumblr.com
Film Review: Wreck It Ralph written by Ron Morrow
I
t is well established that lms based upon videogames commonly only leave room for disaster, but a lm wholly about videogames? That’s some largely uncovered ground, and Disney has shown that it is well worth some further exploration because Wreck-it Ralph is a joy. Ralph (John C. Reilly) is a wrecker, the antagonist to Felix Jr. (Jack McBrayer) of Fix-it Felix Jr.; a staple of the arcade scene that has been in operation for 30 years now. Ralph’s fed up of being the bad-guy in his game so decides to ‘game jump’ over to Hero’s Duty in order to get a medal and claim the recognition he feels he deserves. Along the way he’ll meet recognisable characters from gaming’s colourful history as well as caricatures of more modern video game protagonists. In the rst person shooter Hero’s Duty he meets the grizzled Captain Calhoun (Jane Lynch) and the cute mist kart racer Vanellope Von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman), as well as the oppressive King Candy (Alan Tudyk). While this is clearly a kids’ lm, it’s hard to tell whether young children are Wreck-it Ralph’s intended viewing audience, or if it’s really 20-somethings. The nostalgia references are rife, but spread evenly as to not detract too heavily from its plot. They’re all references that no child would understand, in some cases because they’re too young to remember or just too young to yet have an interest. Hell, I’m 22 and the inclusion of Q*bert is pushing my memory to its limits, though compensating for that is the inclusion of Skrillex as a pixelated DJ clearly aimed straight at people my age. It means there’s something here for everyone to enjoy and the writing tying it all together has been handled superbly and is sure to keep you laughing. The animation works well too, remaining loosely block and pixel orientated but still retaining its own distinct style. The characters from each world look and move in a style relevant to their game and era and the music changes accordingly to reect the change in scenery. The combination of it all brings more life to the characters and worlds than any player behind a controller ever could. To top it all off there’s a boss battle that most games I’ve played in the last few years should be jealous of, as he’s big and he’s mean and a more than satisfying opponent for our hero to face. The nal result is clearly lovingly crafted and offers homage to the arcade scene of yesteryear for older audiences whilst simultaneously cleverly catering for the younger viewers. Ralph may well be the bad-guy in his game, but he’s by no means a bad guy and he stars in a lm that is most certainly good. 7.5/10
Gaming: The Valve Steambox V
written by Alex Grounds
ideo games can be fantastically cathartic at the end of an arduous day of university-ing when the lecturer just hasn’t got off your back all day about your bloody goddamn problem sheet. No I haven’t done it. Back the shit off. Idiot. Video games are a release from real life and a way to achieve with the minimum of effort – there are endorphins in there somewhere and some science and things that a large amount of people have studied to nd out how people can be addicted to them. But if we ignore all the negative press being made about video games by the “National Killing People Machine Association” (NRA) in the US there are some interesting developments happening in the video game industry right now and it is the crest of the wave of what could possibly be called the open source revolution of the future! Open source, in the computing industry, is the name given to software that is developed by programmers for free. The most famous example of this is probably Google and Google Drive but another, larger project, is the Linux operating system, essentially a group of people who disliked Microsoft so much that they released a competitor and it all took off from there! Steam is a program which can download video games to your PC from the internet and is owned by a company called Valve. Valve have recently announced that they are going to be creating a competitor to the Xbox and Playstation called a Steambox that has been described as “a PC for your living room” by Valve boss Gabe Newell. Now, due to being a massive geek, this news is fairly exciting to me (in a platonic way obviously!) because it will bring actual innovation into the console market for the rst time in a long time – even if you look at Nintendo with the Wii they only changed the control method (kudos to them for thinking of it though). This box would allow for actual control over what was output onto your telly – it’s just a PC. Surf the channel on your telly? Sure thing! Look at HD cats? YES!!11?1!!* Now commercially the important thing is that Steam encourages game developers to put their games and programs onto Linux in order to allow competition and encourage end-users (gamers) to buy a computer for their living rooms. A large problem with this is that because Valve aren’t manufacturing the actual boxes they cannot sell at a loss meaning that they cannot compete with Microsoft and Sony for the casual market (I assume that non-gamers care less about the long term benets of a Steam Box over a Microsoft controlled dashboard!) meaning that this is a rather risky business to be expanding into from a pure software business. However, the deeper ramications are also deeper than the depth I have previously described. If Valve can convince developers to begin developing for Linux then people buying PCs for gaming (comme moi!) would then have a choice to use Linux for their “rigs” and not have to use Windows (and Microsoft have let everyone down with Windows 8 only being usable on touchscreens!) which, for me, is a rather joyous proposition.
It looks like the consoles of the future are pretty damn adorable, look at it!
8
Monday 25th February 2012
bite
berb
The Guide
bathimpact.tumblr.com
Listen to The Guide on 1449AM URB on Monday s at 6pm for more information on local events, such as The Courteeners hitting Bristol as part of their latest UK tour
Music
Film
Comedy
Netsky LIVE, Saturday 2nd March at O2 Academy Bristol. Tickets: £12.50
Bolshoi: Don Quixote (Captured Live March 2010), Monday 25th February , 14.30 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50
Bigger, Louder, Harder, Longer: The New Four Poofs and a Piano, Thursday 28th February at Jongleurs Comedy Show, Bristol. Tickets: £15
The famous ballet, performed at Russia’s Bolshoi theatre in 2010, documents the story of Don Quixote, a nobleman obsessed with chivalry and romance, who decides to go on a quest to accomplish great feats which will bring glory to his name. Adopted from Miguel de Cervantes that was rst published in 1605 and rst adapted for ballet in 1740, bring a bit of culture to your week.
You know you want to go see them. No matter how much you say you don’t, you still kind of do don’t you? Containing original member Big Dave Wickenden and 3 new member, the show creates a mix of comedy and music that is guaranteed to make you laugh.
Belgians nest DnB producer brings his acclaimed Netsky LIVE tour to Bristol as he continues a relentless touring schedule on the back of his brilliant second album, 2. Expect a mix of multiple EDM genres played by a live band with live mixes by the man himself. In Europe he regularly packs out arenas so don’t miss your chance to see him in such an intimate venue. The Courteeners, Thursday 7th March at O2 Academy Bristol. Tickets: £18.50 Currently touring Anna, the bands third top 10 album, The Courteeners bring their classic British indie sound to Bristol. Before the release of Anna the band sold out the 12,000 capacity Manchester Evening News Arena, so again this is a rare chance to see a band of this size playing in such a small room. They’re also one of Morrisey’s favourite bands, and if they can make him of all people smile... Foals, Monday 11th March at O2 Academy Bristol, Tickets: £16.50 If you read bite last week then you already know that we love both Foals and their new album Holy Fire. Recently announced for Reading festival and with two other standout albums under their belt, this is denitely not one to be missed.
Fire in the Blood & Discussion, Monday 25th February, 20.30 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50
Cukooland: Shazi Mirza, Sunday 3rd March at The Brewery, Bristol. Tickets: £12
The scandal of Big Pharma’s refusal to reduce the prices of the antiretroviral drugs that could have saved the lives of many millions of third-world AIDS sufferers is powerfully articulated in rst-time writer-director Mohan Gray’s often harrowing Sundance-nominated documentary. After the screening there will be a discussion with Alan Abraham from UAEM Bristol.
Winner of the London Comedy Festival 2001 and star of Eve Ensler’s hit show, The Vagina Monologues, Shazi Mirza is one of the premier faces of Muslim comedy. Known for her appearances on BBC’s Have I Got News For You, Beautiful People, Muslim Driving School,and The Now Show, Shazi’s new show Cukooland aims to take the audience a place where anyone can be anything, do anything and say anything and has been hailed as ‘Clever, groundbreaking and very funny’ by The Evening Standard.
Met. Encore: Parsifa, Monday 4th March at Little Theatre, Bath Tickets: £5.50
The Bristol Improv Festival, Sunday 3rd March - Sunday 10th Match at The Bierkeller, Bristol. Tickets: VARIES
Director François Girard’s timeless new vision for Wagner’s nal masterpiece explores the many facets of this mystical score.
Weekday shows in the Bierkeller will host Bristol’s best improv with acts from around the UK, ending in a in a performance art brawl on Saturday.
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
9
bathimpact.tumblr.com
bite meets... Netsky
B
oris Daenen is actually rather a polite and unassuming man, for example because the tour bus was delayed and he found out I d been waiting at the venue for him, he skipped the venue formalities and a chance to freshen up to do our interview straight away. This seems quite a far cry from the man who in a few hours will be blowing the roof off Cardiff Students Union with raw, uncensored bass as Netsky, the Belgian DnB producer who is one of the biggest names in EDM to come out of 2012. A number one album in Belgium and a host of huge shows, which he talks about with the same modesty: We did some really cool festival shows with the live bands this summer, I think our highlight was a Belgain Festival called Pukklepop when we closed the main stage after Bjork and Snoop Dog. We played to 30,000 people which was insane because the rst show with the live band was in April at the Brixton Academy and it s just amazing to see how it s grown so fast and do so many amazing festivals. It s also been an amazing summer in the UK, we did Park Life, Lovebox, Beach Break and I ve really been enjoying myself, it s been a good year . This all seemed unthinkable a few years ago when Netsky was still an underground liquid DnB producer, paying his dues on the club circuit. However, he s still trying to stay true to his roots: We still do a lot of the smaller shows, we ve been touring for twelve days so far and some of them were smaller venues, 800 in Nottingham, even smaller in Coventry and it s great to have both. I d never only want to do large stages or intimate gigs as there s something special about a festival stage and a small stage. I like to do both and be able to compare them to each other . The Netsky LIVE tour will be heading to Bristols O2 Academy on March 2nd, and it s not going to be quite the same show as Pukklepop, but it s still unlike pretty much any EDM show you might have seen, as he explains: Basically we do a full live band and try to play everything live, drums, keyboards and guest vocalists. It s great, for me personally and to everyone on stage, because it s far more interactive and exciting because there s always the chance that something could go wrong unlike in a solo DJ set and it s very visually appealing. People can expect a very energetic live band set and some guest vocalists . In Belgium Netsky is arguably a household name after his second album went to number one and he s sold out arenas. As someone who s made a name for himself in Europe and moved on to the UK, there s no one better to compare the two scenes: “There’s denitely a difference. I saw a massive growth in the bass scene in Belgium, France, Germany and Eastern Europe and it s funny, because the UK is really the birthplace of bass music. DJs, producers and artists only started going over to Europe a lot in about 2005 and now it s really grown. The great thing about DnB and dubstep and all kinds of bass music in Europe right now is that people are really excited about it and they aren t spoiled by seeing DJs every week so they look forward to seeing DJs every once in a month, whereas in the UK there are big artists in every city every night. I think it s a good thing for a healthy scene because sometimes there s a little bit more excitement and people look forward to gigs that little bit more . Netsky has previously noted the similarities of the bass movement to the punk movement and anyone who s been to a big DnB show at a festival probably understands this. However, with EDM now fully breaking into the mainstream it s not necessarily still the case: It was more relevant to the big Skrillex movement of about a year ago but I do think it s comparable. You see a lot of kids going to shows more for a feeling and get loose and have a really great night. There s also some aggression in there and I guess it s a raw and entertaining aggression. I
wouldn t say we want to play in front of a crowd as a mosh pit act, like I m not going to stop a show if people start mosh pitting but it’s denitely not what we try to do as opposed to other bass shows that really want to encourage it . Moving on from tour talk, Netsky s breakthrough album, 2 , contains a brilliant mix of styles and genres. Many people would nd it difcult to create a coherent whole from such a brilliant mash up, but Netsky sees that as the appeal: I think that s the whole reason I enjoy making albums instead of just releasing singles. A few years ago when I was only making liquid DnB and it was very underground I used to like making singles and aim for the next kind of sound. But the great thing about making an album is that you can actually play a tune like example Puppy, which is a house track, and people do enjoy it, but I wouldn t be able to just out it out because that s not what people know me for. I think that s the beauty of an album because you can really work on a whole story rather than just one track. You can experiment a lot more and I feel a lot more condent about putting things on there that people wouldn t normally think of me making . After such a successful 2012 it s hard to imagine where to go in 2013, but as someone who spent time hitting the circuit
hard, it s more of the same for Netsky to cement his place in the scene as one of the best live EDM acts: “We’re denitely focusing on the live band, we’re going to tour a lot. We re going to take it state side, I m going to New Zealand and then we re also doing some Asian Shows. We re just going to tour as much as we can I m going to take a month of to work on some new tunes. I ve got a few ready for a next album, but I m not sure when and I ll just see and keep making music. With new music I just want to work from day to day and see what happens and try to evolve as much as I can because whenever I make plans I feel like they hold me back. When I set deadlines it never really works out for me and I d rather have the freedom to just work when I want and when I can. So I ll see what happens and it s a mystery to me as well . Finally, as is the bite staple, we move on to what Netsky is listening to right now and what we should look out for in 2013: Where to begin? I think Disclosure are the most exciting thing in dance music at the moment. KOAN Sound is great, and a lot of people are doing the glitchy hip hop style thing which is really cool. It s great to see all these really cool funky styles coming back and it s very exciting .
10
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com Written by Sophia Guilfoyle
J
azz up your look this month by embracing the latest fad: geek chic. For the real nerds-at-heart out there do not fret - looking geeky this year is cool, apparently. For everyone else it doesn t matter if you have never read Lord of the Rings, if you hate gadgets and gizmos, or even if you have twenty-twenty vision, getting the geek look is as easy as 1,2,3. The geek chic look is centred around looking cute and bookish whilst avoiding the formality of professional attire; so keep your eyes out for pleated skirts and blouses done up to the top button. Don t however make the mistake of wearing both items together - unless you do want to look like a schoolgirl. Add air to your blouse by investing in an ASOS collar tip. These unique and playful accessories are a great way to diversify your wardrobe it transforms a simple work shirt into a stylish blouse in just two clicks and with just ten pounds. Eleanor (left) is showcasing her classic geek-chic inspired look. Her pinafore is typically schoolgirl-esque (especially as it is from H&M kids buying tax free clothes is a great way to save money - if you re small enough of course). For everyone else who isn t quite as petite as this lucky lady and wants to get her look, Miss Selfridge are selling a range of pinafores not dissimilar. Mixed with her striped long sleeve top Eleanor’s outt conveys the perfect balance between geek and chic. The vintage leather rucksack slung over her left shoulder is to die for. Eleanor bagged hers from eBay earlier this year, so keep your eyes peeled for similar bargains! Eleanor s glasses are a huge fashion statement, she wears hers every day and looks fantastic, if you want to achieve a similar look you can now buy non-prescription glasses quite easily, and they are the perfect geek chic accessory. Her patent loafers and simple patent belt draw Eleanor’s outt together to add a touch of sophistication to her look.
embrace your geek
Vintage leather bag featured on Goodbyeheart.com
La Promenade Brogues Clarks £79.99
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com
Black Coated Pinafore Dress, Miss Selfridge ÂŁ42
Boy Eagle T-Shirt, Boy London ÂŁ35
Alexandra (right) has got the geek chic look spot on. Her vintage dungarees bought from the Yellowshop in Bath are a reminder of childhood days and are the perfect geek chic item of clothing. Matched with her Boy London t-shirt Alex brings her outfit upto-date to show off her unique style. Her Fluoro Cambridge satchel makes Alexandra hard to miss and is the perfect accessory for the geek chic trend. She gets the cute look spot on with her adorable cornflower lace trim socks from TOPSHOP, and their pairing with ZARA brogues creates a sweet, innocent look. I absolutely love Alex s hand chain ring, it is eccentric, original and very quirky. Until now they have been a unique accessory hard to come by, but with TOPSHOP stocking them they are set to be all the rage. Alexandra and Eleanor prove that looking geeky is certainly going to be the next craze, so embrace your true nerdy self this week! Models: Eleanor Calver and Alexandra Goulds
11
12
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com
In a bar in central Amsterdam I
t s a cold Thursday evening in central Amsterdam that nds Easy Weinstein alone, drinking by and to himself in some badly-lit bar. If there was ever a setting that didn’t t its inhabitants, it’s this one, as an elegant, multi-millionaire hotel tycoon in a nine-thousand dollar suit washes down cheap beer in a corner so dark it’s a surprise anybody even realized the space was there for a table to be placed. A thousand other venues would have been better for a man so expensively dressed, but not doing what is expected of him has always been Easy Weinstein’s favourite hobby. Being a fearsome gure everybody wanted the respect of was only a distant second, although Weinstein has always found himself subject to some debate as to which he has always been better at. He prefers the rst, but he knows people only ever pay attention to the second. He’d been in Amsterdam for business, and he’d meant to leave earlier that day. As usual, Weinstein rejected what he’d been told to do, and he’s stayed. Weintein is a man with a reputation that precedes him, but he’d been used to it almost from the moment he’d uttered his rst word – and denitely used to it by the time he’d made his rst capital gain at age 12. There was talk of the wunderkind salesman who could count faster than the next person could blink, with instinct that saw his CEO father start consulting him on land acquisitions by the time he was 16. Easy Weinstein, who could pick up a new skill seemingly almost immediately, and already knew what you were thinking before you had time to piece it together in your mind. He was viewed as an impressive character by many, and hated by many an envious investor who wanted to know the secret of what made the man so good at what he did. Indifference wasn’t something he usually encountered, and the itch of knowing one of the very few to disregard his existence so well had driven him half mad when he’d been twenty-three. It was a woman, as these things so often are – more of a best friend than a love interest, but everyone knows those two things are rarely ever totally exclusive. He’d known her the best of everyone, and she had been the only person to ever see the notorious Easy Weinstein as anything more than a man who knew what he was doing. Her respect was a challenge, and he’d not been able to get it before she’d moved on, away, and out of reach of his inuence. Funny how someone with such a similar background to him could manage to see things completely differently – but then, she’d never been the apple of her own powerful father’s eye, and hadn’t had his inuence to fall back on. She was different because she’d had to be, which was something Weinstein had never been able to understand. It has been nine years before, and those nine years had seen Weinstein grow colder and more ruthless in his business exploits, at the same time as seeing him grow steadily more reclusive in his personal life. His reputation still held a certain awe attached to it, but it was always followed up with hushed whispers about a sad gure of a man who never had any company. Only Weinstein knew the truth, which was that more than anything he didn’t want company. He was content to make new acquisitions and keep old ones sitting in the palm of his hand, and not much else. The other truth that Weinstein had come to admit was that he was unable to be around other people for any extended period of time – he had no patience, nor would he ever learn any, he knew. You didn’t end up as powerful as man as he was through being nice to people, and so he’d never learnt to deal with other people because he’d never had to. Connections helped, it was true – but Weinstein had other people for that. All he’d ever had to
do was give his permission for lavish receptions and make it look like he cared, which curiously always seemed to work in the form of money. He was cruel because he’d never needed to be any different, which was why he’d never earned the respect of the person he’d wanted it from the most. When it was a known fact that Easy Weinstein was a man you left your pride at the door to please, it wasn’t as if he’d needed to do much else. He’d searched for her, of course – chasing her name to Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, with her occupation always something completely different in each country. He’d almost found her on several occasions, but she’d always managed to elude his grasp. After six years, Weinstein had given up – if she didn’t want to be found, he wasn’t sure how long he could chase her. Weinstein had tried, during the short time of their friendship, to present another side of himself; one that cared, or at the very least one that felt empathy. One that didn’t make subordinates cry if they did something wrong. It hadn’t worked, and the time had passed for Weinstein to make up the difference. In his dark corner of the bar, Weinstein drains his beer, nding himself unsatised by the end of it. He’d never been a man for stalling, but then he’d never attempted to pull anything like what he was planning on that cold Thursday evening. Weinstein takes one last look at the bar, at his seat with his briefcase still sat on it. He thinks of the papers inside it, and how much trouble he’d be in for what he was about to do had his father still been alive. The old man himself had passed away the year before, and the company had mourned. He’d been a better man than Weinstein himself could ever have hoped to be, and he stood no chance of it now. Someone will arrive to pick up the briefcase in an hour. Weinstein tears his eyes away from the briefcase, shrugs his coat on, and steps outside into the cold. It takes a few days for the news to surface, but as soon as it does every headline worth reading contains snatches of detail about the signing over of the entirety of Easy Weinstein’s company to some woman nobody has ever heard of, and who was reportedly last seen in Chicago by Weinstein himself nine years previously. The new CEO Ramona Huang, to be at the helm of the great Weinstein dynasty. Every story says Ramona Huang herself declined to comment, but one perpetuates that upon receiving the news, the newly-minted chief executive had just laughed. Easy Weinstein, of course, continues his favourite pastime of never doing what is expected of him; he disappears. Being the man he is, however, he does it with calculated efciency, and he is never seen again.
Thomas Gane
written by Helen Edworthy
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
13
bathimpact.tumblr.com
Selected Poems by Lily Morris Passport
A Voyage
Home Comforts
Nationality: British Born: London Limp leather curls A sickly photo Flicking pages; stamps and visas cover birds poised for flight Ironic This strengthens borders and yet invites travel Just as the information page hypocritically claims identity Reduced to statistics, hiding the truth. Nowhere are the fundamentals by which I am defined: Bookish. Nerd. Weirdo. Geek. Insults. Or by interests. QI, Potter, or Pantomime. But there are no words which can adequately describe The salty tears falling like monsoon rains Or the smile like a sunrise after a storm As the comfort gained from one awkward hug Assures me that Whatever I am Whoever I am I am good.
The seas is high. Higher and somehow scarier than usual The island is near, too near for safety. And the cliffs Look Through the fog. Safe beaches too far for comfort, Too many miles of Fish and Whale and Fins Under a pitch blue sky hidden from us by the Fog. This sea might as well be alcohol, rum, whiskey for all the Sense it makes tonight, The gold stars is sailors rely on to guide our boats are gone. Held in the tentacles of the tempest, The fins of the fog. Not since the days of Pirates, Buccaneers, Pillaging and Treasure have the sirens of death sung quite so loudly. We are pulled inexorably towards the cliffs as if by waters ropes. And we hit. Ow. Crab shell
There is something satisfying Something comforting Something that you miss about the Clunk of the fridge door, the Chatter from the television set. On Guide Camp, we d share stories Of what we would do first Upon arriving back The ideas varied. Jumping on a mattressed bed That was a favourite. Flicking a light, flushing a loo, phoning a friend. But really Just being at home Familiar sofa Colours other than grass, mud and sunburn Washing smoke s smell from your hair, Was enough. And invariably No matter how grand our plans had been, we Sank Down onto the couch And reached for the remote Home.
Artwork by Charm Duggan
14
Monday 25th February 2013
bite bathimpact.tumblr.com
Sex Column: Get that Geek linendoll
written by bite s sex columnist
W
hen it comes to choosing guys, I think it s safe to say that us ladies are always drawn to the ‘bad boys’: the ones who will corrupt us and look hot doing it; the ones who smoke and drink and talk about threesomes; the ones who our mothers would hate but also secretly fantasise about. But maybe it’s time we focused on what’s actually important: personality. Having a really good ass is always a bonus if you re a guy, but kindness, intelligence and a good sense of humour will probably win in the end. So maybe we should start seeing geeks? Maybe we should stop thinking ‘big penis, tight buns, hair that looks sexy pushed back’ and think more down the lines of ‘brains over brawn, mind over matter... dictionary over dick’? ‘Geeks’ have long suffered their title. Being interested in learning, playing chess, video games and World of Warcraft (what actually is that?) and having the braces-and-glasses combination going on never seemed to benet that many guys at high school. Unless of course their aim was to accumulate as many wedgies, put-downs and rejections from the ‘hot’ girls as possible, in which case they were the silent victors, more fool us. But recently, there seems to be a surge in attractive geeks. Television shows like ‘The Big Bang Theory’ have shown us that, against the once-inevitable, geeks can be attractive, and, dare I say it, sexy. There’s something about Sheldon Cooper’s innite knowledge, complete lack of social skills and cute lisp that makes him way more attractive than the jocks from Jersey Shore. Who knew nerds could be hot? It is now socially acceptable to have weird fantasies about the library, tutors and the nervous guy with spectacles bigger than his biceps who hangs out on level ve. So how acceptable is it to date them? From past experience, there’s always been a certain taboo about telling your friends you’re seeing someone that society would view as a ‘geek’. Telling people you’re seeing the rugby captain is like giving yourself a huge pat on the back. Telling people you re seeing the hot lead singer of a band is like giving yourself a hug because everyone knows musicians are the hottest. Telling someone you re seeing the weird guy who looks like he masturbates furiously to Hentai is like committing social suicide whilst simultaneously punching yourself in the ovaries. But why? Because, when you think about it, geeks make the best lovers/ companions/ boyfriends. They can help you with your university work, they can work out who owes how much of a bill at the end of a meal, their extensive computer skills will come in handy when you re trying to format your CV to look sparkly and professional with just a touch of sass. And, statistically, they re better in bed. There s not actually a statistic to prove that, but it seems logical. By default, geeks lack social skills. This means that getting one in your life can be difcult. But it also means that once they’re in your life, they re unlikely to ever cheat on you because that would involve talking to new people. Researchers call it ‘sex-tech’ – the weird, innate thing that geeks possess that can drive you wild between the sheets. Apparently their ultra-awareness of things that most guys won t even pick up on means that they can create arousing environments without you even realising. And their ability to ne-tune electronic goods for heightened pleasure will no doubt bump Ann Summers off your BFF list. The fact that nerds generally spend their life on their laptops (don’t we all though?) means that they’ve probably watched a lot of porn. So even if they full the ‘geeky virgin’ stereotype, there s probably very little they haven t seen/ re-enacted with a blow-up doll/ are open to trying. Which means you get to full your weird, kinky fantasies without the pressure of having a jock for a boyfriend who just wants to get it over with and drink another protein shake. And they wear glasses.
Agony Aunts Lucy and Edie Dear Lucy and Edie, So the other week I was in Forbidden Planet and I saw a really hot girl looking at the Star Wars action figures. I walked over to her and somehow plucked up the courage to try to start a conversation. She d just picked up a Han Solo figure so I picked up a Chewbacca and did a pretty good impression of him to her then laughed. She didn t laugh back and just looked at me oddly and walked away. What did I do wrong? Dec
Dear Dec, Maybe she thought Han Solo was Marcel Marceau and was just doing her own impression? They do look quite similar..? I think you re definitely in with this chick. If not, we have this new thing called using your words. The key thing about words is that we use them to talk to each other in social situations rather than making random Wookie noises, no matter how awesome they are. I d start with things like Hi , How are you? or So, you like Star Wars , then move on to the more advanced stuff we help Andrew with in the next column. Love Lucy and Edie
Dear Lucy and Edie, I am super nerdy. Like, beyond nerd. I am everything that my stereotype dictates. I nd other nerds really, really hot, but also really, really intimidating. How can I get myself a nice lady-nerd? Andrew
Dear Andrew, Getting someone to join the nerd-herd is never easy. But have no fear, for we have compiled our top ve geeky chat-up lines just for you. And anyone else who reads this. So probably just for you. Give these a whirl, accompanied by nervously shufing your glasses around your face and awkwardly doing the two-step whilst rearranging your stats textbooks, and you re totally set for some severe lovin . • My name’s Microsoft... Mind if I crash at your place tonight? • I recognise you from somewhere. Have we met on ‘Second Life’ before? • Hey. You remind me of my motherboard. Fancy grabbing a byte any time soon? • Girl, if you were words on a page you’d be the iiiiine print. • I have a big penis. I would say good luck to you. But you won t need it. Bye. Lucy and Edie
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
15
bathimpact.tumblr.com
Pie, pie, my delicious π! written by Lily Morris For a while I wondered what to include on this page this week. Geeky food what on earth could I write that would go along with this week’s theme? I oundered in the mires of geekdom
for longer than Scott Pilgrim spent dating Knives Chau, until I asked a good friend, who had the solution, ‘PIE.’ Or, π, if you re that way inclined. It does not get any more geeky than
this so start baking these now in order to be completely ready for π day on the 14th of March (or in American form, 3/14).
Meaty Pie
Banoffee Pie My favourite pie, though, is Banoffee Pie, which, as its name suggests, includes both banana and toffee. This serves two hungry students, or six of your parents friends when you want to make them think your degree is preparing you for life. You ll need 250g chocolate chip biscuits, 100g melted butter, 400g dulce de leche, 2 peeled and sliced bananas, a packet of Maltesers, and a can of whipped cream.
One of the easiest pies you can make needs only a pie plate (or other cooking dish), shortcrust pastry (which you can even buy ready-made), a can of chicken in white sauce, and some frozen peas.
1
Grease the inside of your dish with butter or margarine, and then line with pastry.
2
3
Cover the top of the pie with more pastry to create a lid.
5
Dab the edges with water to help seal them, and prick fork holes in the top to prevent your pie exploding. Brush the lid gently with a tiny bit of water.
4
1
Fill this with the chicken mixture and a generous handful of frozen peas.
2
In a mixing bowl, rub the melted butter in.
3
Bake at 200 degrees Celsius for half an hour if the lid looks like it is over-browning, place some aluminium foil on it.
4 1
Perfect Pastry This is a shortcrust pastry, a great base for all kinds of pies and other dishes:
3
In a large clean bowl, rub the butter into the our and salt until the mixture looks like breadcrumbs. Gradually add the water, and use a cold knife to stir until the dough sticks together in one ball. Wrap your dough in clinglm and chill for 20-30 minutes to let the gluten do its work. kyz
Press this mixture into a greased 8-inch loose-bottomed tin, all over the base and up along the sides. Chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.
Spread the dulce de leche over the biscuit base and then lay a layer of banana slices over this. Dot the Maltesers on top of the bananas, and then cover the entire thing in whipped cream, hiding the chocolate, banana, and toffee. Yum!
The colder your hands, the better the pastry. If your pastry mixture looks yellow, it s probably because the butter has got too warm so put the bowl in the fridge for a while before carrying on. For the same reason, use extremely cold water.
2
200g plain our Pinch of salt 110g butter, cubed 2-3 tbsp very cold water
Put the biscuits into a large heavy duty freezer bag, lay it on the kitchen counter, and crush with a rolling pin until they are split into tiny crumbs.
Tickling! The main technique involved in making pastry is rubbing in, but it s easy to do this with too heavy a hand. If you think of tickling instead of rubbing, it s easier to get the amount of pressure right.
To get a lovely shiny top to your pies, brush the nished lid with egg or milk before putting it in the oven. You can even do this to shop-bought frozen pies to convince your guests they re homemade!
4
Buy the best butter you can afford for a delicious taste never margarine.
16
Monday 25th February 2013
bite
Puzzle Corner Cryptic Crossword
bathimpact.tumblr.com
Horoscopes
This weeks theme: Countries
Kakuro
Sudoku
The object of a Kakuro is to insert a digit from 1 to 9 into each white cell so that the sum of the numbers in each row or column matches the clue associated with it (above or to the left of the row or column). No digit can be duplicated in any sum. Enjoy!
Pisces
February 20 - March 20
Aries
March 21 - April 20 I m not putting you down. I m just saying that what you do is a really bad form of pollution that makes us dumber and meaner and is destroying civilization... unless you get that reference
Down 1. Fruity thrown explosive (7) 2. Spanish Dali (2,8) 3. You re not a woman? (7) 4. Blind rodent pretends to be fouled (8) 5. An ass in the second person (8) 6. Knightly ale (6) 8. Home of the red Tellytubby (6) 12. Impoverished minstrel (9) 14. Neckwear claims victory! (6) 15. Hustler leave (5)
Hey Pisces, it s your birthday, we go n party like it s your birthday, we go n drink barcadi like it s your birthday, and you know we don t give a fuck coz it s your birthday. WE RE BRINGING IT BACK !
Across 1. A female curious monkey (7) 2. Balanced entryway (7) 7. One s self counts (5) 9. Ancient italian goes mad (7) 10. Not to eat in (4) 11. Hasten the lady (6) 13. Hello hot beverage! (5) 15. Metal container abacus (6) 16. Lair s blemish (7) 17. Matador s emerald cloak (4,5)
Taurus
April 21 - May 20
Gemini
*Sigh* Nobody cares Taurus!
May 21 - June 20
It s time to get formal this week so make it rain, make it rain, make it rain on them hoes.
Cancer
June 21 - July 21
Don t worry, in some cultures erotic asphyxiation is perfectly acceptable and the door knobs in halls are really sturdy
Leo
July 22 - August 22 Its’ a new semester and remember, if you irt with the right people you never have to go to lectures
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Libra
Fuck bitches, get money, repeat
September 23 - October 22 Try knocking rst... oops, sorry this is Oscar Pistorius’ horoscope.... Fuck me that s dark, like shit man I need a time out
Bridges
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
I hope you learned a valuable lesson about patience and living on your own after we super intentionally left Scorpio out last issue
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Please stop with the emotional facebook statuses or we ll get someone to rub sand in your dead little eyes... also watch Archer
Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
I know you ve been having a bad time lately Capricorn, but just imagine John Terry eating a load of spider webs while Beyonce breaks Chris Brown s face over a hot iron. Don t you feel better?
Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
Darius N. www.gonescribbling.tumblr.com
Scorpio
Please help, they re keeping me locked inside the October - November 21 bathimpact ofce and won’t feed me until I 23 write horoscopes. Then if I don t do it fast enough they take youcandle guys still a baguette andAre some waxseriously and... no...reading please, these? I gave up weeks ago NO!!!!!