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Freshers’ Week
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Saturday 20th September 2014
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This week’s theme is:
Freshers The Graduate – Paul Simon
Album of the biweek
The Graduate is an album comprising of songs from the film the graduate released 1968: the film is about a recent graduate from college who is seduced by the 36 year old Mrs Robinson. The film is in some ways underwhelming but the soundtrack is a masterwork of easy listening. Destiny Game of the biweek
Turn to page severn to read more about the exciting new release from Bungie. Destiny is a FPS with persistent match making elements for online play, hailed by critics as the next big thing it’s defiantly one to watch.
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THE MIGHTY OAK, with density of about 0.75 g/cm^3 it has great strength and hardness. Oak planking was common on Viking longships in the 9th century and those guys knew their stuff when it came to building boats. Spending the majority of its time around wine now, you could say oak has matured from its bloody past and perhaps for the best. What a tree!
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Joe Rawlinson
Tree of the biweek
ood afternoon freshers and welcome to this year’s instalment of bite. I would say good day but if you’re awake any time before 12:00 you’re either doing something very wrong or worryingly right. This year you are here to work hard and develop into reasonable human beings capable of working nine ‘til five, wearing ironed shirts or perhaps shirtesses if you’re a lady, sit in meetings nodding professionally and generally succeeding in life. In the meantime however you should run through the fields naked, laughing manically celebrating your freedom from the perpetual yolk of the parental womb that is home. Or if you’re a gap year student run through the field’s naked shouting about how that particular running technique was taught to you by a tribe of aboriginal squirrels, brought frighteningly close to extinction by the greed of corporate America. Gap year student’s right! Before all the fun of “Freshers’ Week and Me”… also the title of my next book, I’m afraid I must talk a tad about bite. To begin at the beginning this is a paper and in papers there are sections. This section is bite, a relaxed fun loving pull-out designed to satisfy your artistic and cultural needs… if you don’t think it has, I will personally send round Matt our resident interpretive dance master and Editor. He will prove you wrong with a personal exploration. Whatever that means, I think it’s like a very good dance. Every week we aim to have articles on music, film, books, fashion, travel, gaming, comedy, culture and whatever doesn’t quite fit in the other sections of the paper. As bite Editor I receive tickets and backstage pass’s to live gigs and events, these will be traded in exchange for articles and smiles - the only globally accepted currency. The paper goes out every two weeks and each issue has a different theme, this week’s is Freshers’ Week. The paper is completely designed, edited and written by Bath university students, so we need as many
student contributors as possible. If you feel like you may like writing there are many opportunity’s regardless of literary skill. I provide editing services free of charge and if you know you want to write, but can’t think of anything, I can provide helpful ideas. So send me a message, phone me or telepathically tune in to my resonant frequency 12.56GHz FM. We will also be visiting you over the coming week to report and inform about the mania that is Freshers’ Week, so look out for the pink tee’s, but before I bore you with anymore shameless self-advertisement I will move onto my personal reflection of Freshers’. Freshers’ for me was a week of drinking and dancing and drinking and being sick (drink responsibly), lots of being sick. It was fun, I’m still good friends with people I met that week and I got to see Chase & Status, which was pretty sweet. Freshers’ Week for me was so strange and new I can’t really recall how I was feeling or what I was thinking. I have however after writing about Freshers’ Week for three years and interviewing freshers for bite stumbled upon what I believe may be sound advice for the week you will forever be talking about in weird upperclass inflections. Firstly one of the main benefits of Freshers’ Week is that you have next to no fellow schoolmates to remind you of that thing you did, or stupid thing you said involving that hedgehog and the vacuum cleaner, yeah you know the one. On the flip side there is also no one to praise your glory to the common person simply because you have been popular all your life. In nearly all respects you have a blank slate to become the person you have always wanted to be. Scary I know. The reason I mention this is that nearly everyone you meet will be scared shitless, some will hide away and be shy and others will be extremely loud and obnoxious; trying to reestablish a hierarchy where they are firmly etched into their rightful place at the top. This is stupid,
and childish, although you may not realise it in your first week there is very little in the way of cool about university and people generally form into groups comprising of like interests after the first week or so. The most important thing is to enjoy things at your own pace and never feel pressured into drinking, smoking or going to Second Bridge, unless of course you secretly yearn to do all these things deep within your soul. Secondly no one will ever judge you for your conduct in Freshers’ Week, unless you do something truly horrific like double dipping (dip responsibly), you’ve been warned. Thirdly you may get lost a lot, if this happens just knock on peoples doors, shout WHEEEEYYYYY maybe FRESHHHHEEERRRRS as well, if they look at you strangely, loudly ask where the closest party is! If they still look at you weirdly throw up on their table give them the bird and vacate the premises (drink responsibly). Fourth and last – and I say this in a hushed voice so as to avoid the SU Officers who look over the paper before publication. Avoid at all costs the Crew, they will try to sleep with you, men and women alike… they say they won’t, The University tells them not to, but they will try. Watch them with their beady eyes and their holier than thou attitude, telling you how to have fun like they in some way know, they don’t even get paid… suspicious if you ask me. They’re wearing blue; the colour of danger. All things considered, you should just enjoy yourself, life’s pretty pointless and you’re already a quarter of the way through so who cares. I certainly don’t (drink responsibly). There are loads of opportunities for you during Freshers’ Week, no matter your tastes, be it LARPING, beer and curries or foreign languages, all of course helped along with a liberal helping of alcohol so you should, theoretically have a great time. opensourceway
Saturday 20th September 2014
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The Guide OsamaK
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Music
Comedy
Arts
The Willows- Chapel Art Centre, Bath Saturday 27th September A folk band from Cambridge whose musical style draws influence from both British and American Folk Tradition. The ‘stunningly distinctive voice’ of Jade Ward is backed by rich vocal harmonies and acoustic musicianship. ‘The Willows have a distinctly refreshing sound that continues to captivate and inspire audiences everywhere they go.’ – ENTS24 Prices: £11.00
TheKraterExperience - Komedia Every Saturday. Looking to laugh until your sides split? Well look no further – prepare yourself every Saturday for a night at Komedia of the funniest live stand-up comedy of three highly acclaimed comedians: Carl Donnelly, Paul Tonkinson and Damian Clark. Complete with great, award-winning food and the option to stay on for a smashing night of music and dance at Motorcity. Times & Prices -8.30pm - Meal Deal: £28.50 &Students – £10
Victoria Art Gallery: Matisse, Warhol, Picassol & Dali. 6 September - 23 November 2014 Lose yourself in the work of the great 20th century artists: Henri Matisse, Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali and Andy Warhol. A feast for the eyes and a chance to see art that spanned 75 years and represents one of the most creative and diverse periods of printmaking. Prices: £3.50/concessions
Janey Summer - Pucklechurch Social Club, Bristol 26th September With musical influences such as Alter Bridge, Bad Company and Audioslave, Janey Summer is not your typical female solo artist. She breaks the mould of the female rock solo artist with her determination to be true to her passion for ‘full-on powerful but intelligent rock’. Free entry
Lee Mack – Colsten Hall Bristol Thursday 2nd – 4th october Lee Mack, the star of Not Going Out and Would I Lie To You is coming to Bristol in his new live show. With his old-school comedic style Mack consistently attracts large crowds to all of his performances, creating a live and exciting atmosphere. His contagious energy and quick wit leaves everyone laughing until tears stream down their faces. Prices: £30.95
Pop Punk Back Room (Get Stoked) - Ponana Bath Wednesday 24th from 10pm Come down to Ponana for Discord where Iwan Best will be performing a pop-punk infused DJ set in the back room. A typical Wednesday night at Discord involves Pocket Rockin’ drinks deals from £2 Jagerbombs to Carlsberg for £2 and many more. What more could a student on a budget want? Prices: £3 before 11 and £4 there-on-after.
Tim Key: Single White Slut-Tobacco Factory 25th September, Bristol ‘Inventive, emotional and truly original. Ridiculously funny.’ – Time Out If that review isn’t enough to get you to go see Tim Key charmfully recount ‘tales of love’, recite verse and address the contention that has been surrounding him recently, then I don’t know what will. Prices: £13.50
Spring Awakening - University Hall 2nd-4th October Another year, another snazzy BUSMS performance. Bound to be a great night with our own incredible actors and singers, the musical tells the story of teenagers discovering the inner and outer tumult of sexuality. Its themes include abortion, homosexuality, rape, child abuse, and suicide. If you’re looking for a cheery, happy-go-lucky play to watch, maybe this isn’t right for you. Price: £5 concession or £7
The Importance of Being Earnest - The Theatre Royal- 22-27th September This new production of one of the bestknown Oscar Wilde plays hits the stage at the Theatre Royal. Playwright Simon Brett has given the classic a delightful new context and will come to Bath direct from a West End run over the summer. Its star-studded cast ensures a great night of laughter and incredible acting. Prices: £24 Saturday evening
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Saturday 20th September 2014
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The Fellowship of the Furry Folk Written by Caleb Wheeler-Robinson On Saturday 13th September, there was a palpably strange feeling in the City of Bath. Some say it was the record breaking attendance at the Bath Rugby vs. London Welsh game, whilst others attribute this odd atmosphere to the arrival of thousands of prospective students coming to visit the University of Bath. There was, however, a third event: something much more momentous than a measly match or an obnoxious open-day. On this day, our beautiful university city played host to a national competition. From all corners of the country (and with some international appearances), competitors gathered to compare a vast array of different styles of facial hair at The British Beard and Moustache Championships 2014. The British beard growing scene is split into two main clubs: the British Beard Club and the Handlebar Club. The former had its first meeting in 2009, whereas the Handlebar Club was founded in 1947, to keep post-war camaraderie high and to raise money for charities. Each of these clubs have separate factions, based on geographical location and tend to meet once a month in a pub, in order to drink beer. You might expect there to be a great rivalry between these institutions but the members of both clubs are actually great friends, albeit with a little friendly banter from time to time. The competition is split into four judging categories: moustaches, partial beards, full beards and “handmade”. Each of these categories has several strictly defined subcategories, such as “Full Beard - Natural (under 12 inches)”, “Moustache - English” and “Handmade - Women’s”. Yes, women and children can compete and yes, there is an over 12 inches category. Size isn’t everything when it comes to beards. The judges don’t have any set criteria against which they judge - they just look for what they like. Chris Wall, the winner of the natural moustache category and a local man himself, reckons that the stage presence and the costume play as much of a role as the whiskers themselves. What was particularly striking about this event, aside from the wonderful array of facial fuzz, was the variety of different characters on show. Be it Rod (Moustache - Natural) the President of the Handlebar Club; Matt, the man with the pretzel beard (Full Beard - Freestyle); or even a gentleman who was simply known as “Atters”, compere and editor
of “The Chap” magazine who claims to collect moustaches of the deceased, this group has really developed into a community. Frazer Coppin (Partial Beard - Musketeer) summed it up when he said that growing a beard (which he has been doing for over a decade) becomes part of who you are; part of your
identity. From Jesus to Stalin, Hulk Hogan to Captain Pugwash and even Ron Jeremy, all kinds of men have claimed facial hair as part of their identity but our competitors have taken it to the next level. They have created an all-inclusive community of friends (women and child powgonophiles are allowed), each with an interest in beards. When asked about thereason for taking part, or why they liked the beard scene the one word that featured in all answers was “fun”, often mentioned alongside “community”, “beer” and “charity”. “The Guardian” claimed in April this year that we have reached “peak beard”. This may well be the case, and the number of competitors at the biennial British Championships may decline, but whatever is in vogue, the Beard and Handlebar clubs will remain an important part of these men’s lives, and the lives of many men to come.
What may have, but at the same time definitely didn’t happen.
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Prima Nocturne: 1614 Freshers’ Jon Archer Resident Historian
Hear ye, handsome lads and fair maidens! Let thine eyes unburden themselves the haze of the meadsome week that has befallen thee and steel thy minds and posteriors for the coming annum academicum arseache. Lo, Freshers’ Week 1614 was a most fortuitous spectacle, with merriment aplenty. Educated thyself, thou hast! Hence we shall surmise and enumerate thus such lessons impart’d to thee! The rules of Annulus D’Ignis must be codified! This ignoble ritual confounds many, and is oft the source of a great and heat’d debate regarding the finer laws. A suggestion to thee, humble reader: enact laws pertaining to this heinous act specific to one’s own abode! Verily, by the end of the year, thou must purchase a portable astrolabe forthwith! Bringing thine astrolabe forever shackl’d to thy desk was a bad idea.
Affixing of the desktop astrolabe to the sprites in thy chamber wall and chanting to the mystical being known only as “resnet” was not the zenith of thy week. Instead, enchant yonder portable astrolabe with the magic of “eduroam”, and after many a painstaking incantation, working sprites will befall thee! Be thou wary of astrology/alchemy students, with their rarefied timetables and meadsome ways aplenty! Indeed, much merriment be they in thy company, and warm friends they remain, but these students will anon be productivity’s bane. When the next witching comes along, thine flatmate who steals thy milk is next. Aye, thy flatmate is a savvy ally, and many a zany eve ye share, but privily their horseleach ways adwindle thy milkbottle! It is fair to suspect only witchery is involv’d, in the fashion it so vanishes; I beseech thee to remember thusly by the next witching.
You are envious of the personal latrines the Woodland Lords possess, but count thy coins while ye may, all depart to oldfield park someday! The calamitous latrines that sit in thine abode may perturb thee so, but this matter nonplusses thy smaller and less usurious rent. And forsooth, a steadfast shanty chorus sung on thy thrones emboldens many a struggling soul! Kissing the ring of his lordship The Earl of Manvers was a stickier than expected affair, but forsooth much cleaner than that of the King of Wessex. Embolden’d were thee to hear of meeting his lordship The Earl of Manvers, but anon thou found thyself disappoint’d and betimes thy coin was dry. That herbaceous snout thou wearest all week has done naught to protect thee from the dreaded Freshers’ Plague. In thy lectures the din of the cursed hangs heavy in yonder air, with coughs, splutters, oozing noses and
much opportunity to share! Steel thy humours, reader, and prepare for the en-phlegm’d days to come! More plentifully drunk than water here is - vexingly - ale; thou suspect’d cholera is to blame, surely? Lo, dear reader, presented to thee were thy learn’d lessons of freshers’ week 1614. Prepare thyself for ye merry years ahead, and enjoy yonder great chapters in the book of thy life!
Saturday 20th September 2014
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Review : Southern Reach Trilogy’ Written by Annayah Prosser
nature of humankind. Posing insightful questions about the true power of the natural world, and our ability (or lack thereof) to control or adapt to it. Annihilation exudes mystery, and the sheer sense of dread I felt whilst reading made me, on several occasions, put down the book for a time to calm myself down. Often referenced to as ‘Lovecraftian fiction’ or ‘Kubrickian horror’, the genre of this trilogy is hard to pin down with any reasonable degree of precision. This is not an easy book to read, and the true reward for the reader is in breaking it down and examining VanderMeer’s masterful use of language in depth. He uses vivid metaphors, beautiful scenic description, and deliberately unreliable narrators to great strength- to create an incredibly twisted and complex storyline, with regular heart-stopping plot twists. Not one for the faint hearted, Annihilation, and indeed the whole Southern Reach trilogy are novels perfect for fans of descriptive sci-fi novels such as John Wyndham’s ‘Day of the Triffids’ or Phillip K Dick’s ‘Do Andriods Dream of Electric Sheep?’, with even Stephen King praising it as ‘creepy and fascinating.’ Highly descriptive and complex in nature, the Southern Reach Trilogy is a series that could very well shake up the sci-fi and fantasy landscape and VaderMeer could very well prove very influential in the coming years.
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ook publishing is a long and arduous process that can take years; we’ve all been at the mercy of it, eagerly waiting many months or years for the next instalment of our favourite series such as Harry Potter or A Song of Ice and Fire. Jeff VanderMeer’s ‘Southern Reach Trilogy’ makes a welcome to change to the regular, tortuous release cycle of many series. The trilogy is comprised of three books: Annihilation, Authority and Acceptance respectively that were all published internationally between February and September 2014. This release cycle competes, even, with the speedily released Lord of the Rings trilogy released 29/7/1954, 11/11/1954, and 20/10/1955. The first book of the trilogy, Annihilation, takes place within the confines of ‘Area X’- an area of ‘environmental contamination’ that has produced unbelievable evolutionary mutations and mysterious disturbances to the natural environment. In a world of extremes, the Southern Reach agency aims to research and classify life within Area X, with unexpected and devastating circumstances. The first book details the reality of the twelfth expedition; after the first eleven expeditions to the area have either returned with fatal diseases or not at all. Treading a fine line between thriller and social commentary, Annihilation uses the luscious and disconcerting nature of Area X to shed light on the true
Destiny : Halo meets ..... Halo? Written by Elliott Campbell
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estiny is the latest brain child from Bungie, the studio responsible for one of the most famous gaming franchises of the decade. A franchise I personally have thrown a lot of money into. The plot is relatively simple; thanks to technology granted by a massive alien orb called the traveller, humanity has spread out across the stars and colonised and terraformed entire solar systems. However now, a mysterious evil known only as the Darkness has invaded the galaxy in search of the Traveller, devastating everything in its wake until it reaches ‘The City’ (imaginative naming there guys), the final bastion of humanity that sits literally in the shadow of the massive alien orb. This is where you come in; you are the Guardian, a super warrior who heads out into the ruins of the solar system to challenge the alien hordes that have taken hold there. Sooo kind of like halo. Artistically the game takes influence from a lot of different areas, creating a strange but not necessarily bad blend of mythical science-fiction. To give some idea of what I mean there are three different races to choose from; Humans are essentially very closely based on the Spartans we grew to love from the Halo franchise, whereas the Awoken have clear fantasy origins, drawing their inspiration from elves, ghosts, angels and other mythical archetypes, finally the Exo are
modeled on the titular character of The Terminator; sinister, powerful, and tireless. These give an indication to the eclecticness of the games inspirations, but sadly the races in Destiny are purely cosmetic. The classes you can choose however are definitely not. Once again there are three to choose from: Hunters, Warlocks and Titans. Hunters are your reconnaissance based class, and are essentially Han Solo meets the Man with No Name. Warlocks on the other hand are effectively spacewizards (yes - you read that right), imagine Gandalf and Morpheus had a love child and raised it as a Jedi and you’d be in the right ball park. Finally Titans are the classic future soldier types, a bit Stormtrooper, a bit Space Marine, standard stuff there really. In terms of gameplay, Destiny is good. As a single player game it’s not the best, but then again it’s designed to be played with others, so that’s hardly surprising. Instead the game is a new breed of multiplayer - ‘a shared world shooter’, where instead of players seeing every other player on a server like a typical MMO, matchmaking is done on-the-fly, so players only see other players they’ve been matched with. As a multiplayer game it’s actually lacking some pretty basic features, and often the game can be a little repetitive, however it’s insanely addictive so I’m more than willing to gloss over its faults.
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DRINKING GAMES ARROGANCE
CENTURION
What you need:
What you need:
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A pint glass A drink; players choice A coin
How to play: A player pours a portion of their drink into the pint glass. They then flip a coin; heads you drink, tails you pass on the pint. The next player then continues in this manner until the drink is consumed. You chose how much you pour in. The question is: how lucky do you feel?
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Lots of beer Shot glasses Second stomach
How to play: 90 shots of beer and 10 shots of spirits in 100 minutes; a shot at every 10 minute interval. Not for the faint hearted, prepare for the long-game. Our advice, don’t go for the gassy beers.
INTERNATIONAL DRINKING RULES
THE RING OF FIRE Have an empty pint glass and surround it with face down cards in an unbroken ring. Starting with the youngest each person picks a card and follows the instructions based on its value. If you break the ring you must finish your drink.
Michael Morales
1: You must not swear. 2: You must not use your dominant hand to consume. 3: If your glass is empty, you can either keep it in your hand, or go and get it refilled. You cannot put your beverage down. 4: You cannot point with your digits, anything else is fine. Extra points for tongues. 5: You cannot call another player by his or her first name. 6: The words ‘drink’, ‘table’ and ‘card’ are not allowed. 7: Beverages must be at least a thumbs distance away from the edge of the table. If another player reaches your beverage with their thumb, you have to consume.
Ace – Waterfall : everyone starts drinking; the card chooser decides when to stop drinking you can only stop drinking after the person to your right has stopped. King – The first 3 king cards adds to the king cup the 4th must drink the king cup. Queen – All conversations from this point must be in questions, the first person who fails to answer with a question must drink for 4 seconds. Jack – make a rule : The rule lasts for the duration of the game 10 – Categories : Chose a category, everyone in order must namesomething in that category, if you can’t you drink. 9 – Rhyme : Going round the circle you must rhyme with the person before you. If you mess it up the ghost of Coleridge will hunt you down, plus you must drink. 8 – Mate : Chose someone to drink whenever you do. They will hate you. 7 – Heaven : pray to god for sobriety, the last one to rise off their feet in salutation drinks for the devil. 6 – Dicks : self identifying men drink 5 – Thumb Master : at any point until the next five is drawn you can place your thumb on the table, the last person to copy you and place the thumb on the table must drink. 4 – Whore : Whores drink (don’t sell yourself short ladies, you’re better than that) 3 – Me : Drink two fingers 2 – You : Elect someone to drink 2 fingers
Your pint will probably look nowhere near as alluring as this one, expect froth and foam!