Minty Fresh... fresher than Superman’s lycra Fri 1st October 2010
Cotswold Spartans and Brendon Court Army impress pyramid.
Brendon Court girls make a pyramid - and lo, it was good
T
onight was the night that the Brendon Court Army became frontrunners for finest freshers of the class of 2010. After MintyFresh received a tip off that something was going down in that part of campus we arrived to find as fine an orchestration of unscrupulous madness as we have seen this week. An incredibly enthusiastic crowd of you lot came to greet us as they, quite loudly it must be said, sang songs of in celebration of their new home a remarkable level of assimilation in a relatively short period of time. Definitely the most fun group of freshers last night. MintyFresh favourite Ryan “the most laddish gay guy you’ll ever meet” made a reappearance and continued to amuse us all, introducing us to The Hulk (not sure what exactly that nickname refers to) who proceeded to shout and stomp, as is his wont. The girls of Brendon Court managed to, just about, form an impressive
A mention should also go to Moldovan Alexei who was so unremitting in his hatred for his mother country that he agreed that it was ‘the armpit of Europe’. We wouldn’t comment. Eastwood quite monumentally disappointed tonight. They most certainly fell behind Brendon Court from a quite remarkable lead: poor effort Eastwood, we expect much better tomorrow. Cotswold also represented Westwood this evening by amassing an appropriately large horde of Spartans who chanted when asked… and even when they weren’t asked. Oh well, no one ever said Spartans were easily controlled. More of the fine freshers of Derhill later impressed us with a song, sporting matching outfits. An outstanding performance from the Westwooders tonight. At the event itself there were a quite remarkable selection of superhero cos-
The furries go coco for coconuts
tumes ranging from Mario and Luigi, Duff Man (a 2009 Fresher of the Night winner) and numerous other ‘beer man’ derivatives. Quite a few people diverted from the theme. Freshers’ Week should be an education, and it’s pretty important that you guys should know that Smurfs are not superheroes by any measure. They are quite cool though. Unlike Morph suits, which are massive socks for idiots. Other people who deserve a mention are the furries – a collection of men sweltering away in chicken, cow, penguin and bear costumes – as well
Friday’s 10:00 - 16:00 12:00 - 16:00 19:00 - 22:00 19:30 - 22:00 22:30 - 23:00 21:30 - 02:00
Spartans floor Superman
22:30 - 03:00
as a terribly confused coconut Fresher, with coconut testicles and an ample coconut chest, who threatened to end it all if he didn’t get a mention. Stay your hand Coconut Suicide Guy, all is well. MintyFresh was sufficiently disturbed by one Joker costume that we decided to hide in the Sports Hall, where we enjoyed the musical stylings of Shy FX and Zane ‘That Kiwi Off Radio 1’ Lowe. Good times had by all. Special mention for the pair of Westwood girls who flashed a MintyFresh team member before desperately posing for our camera. Overcommitment – we disapprove.
Timetable Commercial Fair Founders Sports Hall Country Fair Sports Hall Green Barn Dance Claverton Rooms Pub Quiz Elements Film 8W1.1 Masquerade Ball Founders Sports Hall Tea & Toast Chaplaincy
For all the photos that didn’t make it onto the cover, look up Bath Impact on facebook If you would like to join Bath Impact, come and check out Arts & Media Day in University Hall on Saturday 2nd October, and ‘Meet the Media’ drinks in the Plug Bar from 3pm this Sunday
Two Minute Man Talks: rice is my vice Tonight the Two Minute Man finally came forward and spoke to the MintyFresh team. We can reveal that he is an Eastwood 48 resident and that his powers are based on rice. The name comes from the fact that he mustn’t last any longer than it takes his Uncle Ben’s rice packet to cook – 2 minutes. He tells us that, by the end of the year, he aims to get to the level of long grain basmati. You may have seen him last night (please tell us if anyone unmasked him, he and his minions refused) or you may even have seen his boudoir if you were, ahem, lucky enough to make it back there. MintyFresh have seen the inside of the Two Minute Man’s den.
Two Minute Man’s lair, but apparently he doesn’t spend much time there, preferring to use other people’s microwaves to cook his rice.
Produced by those nice folk at bathimpact Bath University Students’ Union Bath BA2 7AY Tel: 01225 38 6151 E-mail: editor@bathimpact.com Brought to you by: Two Minute Man: remains shrouded in mystery. Who is this man?
It seems having a penchant for Chelsea FC, Calvin Harris and Kanye West – not to mention rice – leads to a reputation that the man himself, for one, is very ashamed of. The MintyFresh team were particularly pleased to see that Two Minute Man’s costume incorporated a timepiece of some kind although it was quite a delicate one. Despite agreeing to be interviewed, Two Minute Man did not disclose his real identity and would not reveal his face. Remain alert. He could be anyone (who lives in Eastwood 48 and loves rice).
Fresher of the Night: Mark from Eastwood There is nothing that Mark, from Eastwood, could not endure. This Spartan warrior had to battle four epic trials to recover the key to his room. First he had to down a pint of coconut milk which ‘nearly made [him] chunder. Next he was required to find a size seven left shoe and retrieve a bra tasks he allegedly accomplished with flying colours. This fresher’s acts of heroism mark this man out as a true superhero. Who will win the honour tomorrow? It could be you!
Mark recieves his heroic reward
Gina ‘Electra’ Reay (Editor) Hannah ‘Mystique’ Raymont (Deputy Ed) David ‘The Joker’ James (Opinion) Katie ‘Harley Quinn’ Rocker (News)
Rowan ‘Magneto’ Emslie (Ents) Julia ‘Poison Ivy’ Lipowiecka (International) Rebecca ‘Catwoman’ Stagg (Features) Joe ‘Swamp Thing’ Dibben (Contributor) Sam ‘Lex Luthor’ Foxman (Contributor) Laure ‘Scarlet Witch’ Fiévet (Contributor)
What you, the critics, had to say: “MintyFresh is like your third bollock... the sexiest animal is the squirrel because they like nuts.” Testicle Obsessed White Dreadlock Guy.
“What’s the sexiest animal?” “Paladium, ‘cause it has a nice name.” Chemistry Fresher who can’t wait to start his course.
“I’m bananaman but I lost my banana... so I guess I’m just man.” Norwood Fresher whose powers were greatly diminished.
“He could at least have thrown the used condom in the bin before he left.” Disgruntled unnamed female
“I can only sleep in tights. I’ve got some issues.” Eastwood Fresher who was sold to the circus as a child.
“How long do you last?” “Five minutes. Pretty average.” Woefully naive Eastwood Fresher
“I accidentally urinated in my own sink.” That superpower could only be useful in pretty specific situations.
“Why do you have a leotard?” “I have it so I can practice my Beyoncé moves.” All the single ladies...