Volume 15 issue 11 by bathimpact

bathimpact The University of Bath Students’ Union Newspaper

Volume 15 Issue 11

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Policy Exchange

Nic McPhee

Monday 24th March 2014

Government proposes cuts to bursaries

Anonymous marking adopted at UoB

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‘Student Rights’ group banned on ﬁfth uni campus Marie Berne bathimpact Contributor n its website, Student Rights deﬁnes itself thus: ‘dedicated to supporting equality, democracy and freedom from extremism on university campuses’. At the opposite extreme of achieving this goal, the group has received rising criticism for its lack of transparency, its lack of legitimacy and its negative focus on Muslims. As a consequence, Kingston University recently joined LSE, Birkbeck, Goldsmiths and UCL in banning the group from its campus. Firstly, the group has been accused of not making its link to the right-wing Henry Jackson Society think tank clear. The crosspartisan British think tank is at the origin of the Students Rights creation in 2009, and has been has met with controversy in the past most notably when HJS Associate Director

Douglas Murray declared in 2006 that ‘conditions for Muslims in Europe must be made harder across the board’. Secondly, as pointed out by Hilary Aked, a doctoral student at the University of Bath and founder of the counter-movement’s blog, they have no real connection to students. Student Rights’ director Raheem Kassam called LSE students who criticised him in a Channel 4 report ‘fools’, and has regularly shown disdain for students in general. Another charge the group is facing is one of Islamaphobia, as denounced by LSE’s SU President Jay Stoll. A Student Rights report published in May 2013 stirred controversy when it highlighted that a quarter of the events organised by Islamic societies that it monitored had enforced gender segregation. The report concludes that these events are not ‘isolated incidents’ but rather form a part of a ‘wider, discriminatory trend

on UK university campuses’. Raheem Kassam, director of Student Rights, told the Times: ‘the acceptance of segregation on campuses is a far more serious issue than previously thought’. In defense of the charges, the Student Rights group has explained that it only deﬁes those who oppose ‘fundamental British values’, adding that it: ‘focuses more frequently on the activities of Muslim speakers because these incidents occur on a more frequent basis than those involving the fascist far-right’. This stigmatisation of Britain’s more than 100,000 Muslim students provoked numerous reactions including that of Pete Mercer, former NUS Welfare Ofﬁcer, describing the report as evidence of ‘a witch hunt’ and noting that the Student Rights group’s ‘sweeping judgments about student Islamic societies without knowing the details denies the women involved the very equality it claims to wish

science comment e 14

Mutation manipulation

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On page 12, Suzanne Clare discusses innovative new gene therapy that could be used to treat HIV by modifying immune system cells.

for them’. The Real Students Rights, an independent grassroots network of students across UK universities, emerged as a result of this discontent with the Students Rights approach. The counter-movement denounced the SR group’s feeding of the media with sensationalist stories presenting campuses as ‘hotbeds of extremism’, for which some newspapers had to apologize. Hilary Aked commented: ‘This doesn’t prove that SR’s name or work is misleading, but we think it often is sensationalist and methodologically ﬂawed’. Apart from discrediting the group, the RSR movement indicated on its website wanting to ‘contribute towards a less divisive, more tolerant atmosphere on campuses’ . University sentiment would appear to agree with this, due to increasingly reducing the Students Rights group’s scope for action.

bite

s 11

e pag

pag The Left experiences great loss

Better than the actual news

Thomas Gane talks about the recent loss of Leftwing veterans Bob Crow and Tony Benn, and what this means for their legacies.

Turn to page 11 for bite’s exclusive investigative reports in to things that DEFINITELY happened. Jonathan Archer uncovers the secrets of Internet culture

Monday 24th March 2014

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Bath University Alumni Fund A

cross the University, there is a diverse and varied range of different services that do spectacular jobs that keep the University running, not just on a day-to-day basis but also over the course of the academic year and beyond. From the accommodation and hospitality services to the academic departments themselves, many different organisations are responsible for keeping the University and the students working together, and ensure that the University carries on as best as it can. However, for some students, being here at university is difﬁcult in itself, regardless of how well the different services across the University run, and regardless of how well these services work together. For some students, having the funds to get to University is a battle in and of itself, and many may have to take on jobs with very many hours in order to support themselves. For these students, things like scholarships are a Godsend,

and are something invaluable. Here at the University of Bath, the scholarships come from the University of Bath Alumni Fund. The Alumni Fund is a registered charity, and exists solely on donations from alumni of the University who kindly donate their money – and often their time as well – to this fund because of how much the University means to them and how much they enjoyed their time here. The Alumni Fund gives out scholarships annually, and in the past ﬁve years the number of scholarships the Fund is able to award has increased from four to over four hundred. The Alumni Fund also is able to award grants for placements for students who are undertaking unpaid work, and unpaid work in other countries. One placement grant that was awarded in the past few years was awarded to a student who spent the year working with young people in South Africa in order to promote education and community skills through football.

Added to this, the Alumni Fund does not only award scholarships and placement grants; the Fund also awards research grants to different university departments, and due to this the quality of research at the University of Bath has been recognised with the Queen’s Anniversary Prize. This prize was awarded for the ‘inﬂuential research into child poverty and support for vulnerable people’. Grants awarded by the Alumni Fund for research have also helped the University in its cancer research. At the University of Bath, there is a multi-disciplinary team of 40 researchers across the faculties, and these researchers aid a wealth of different cancer research projects, including the development of probes for the imaging and early treatment of cancers, and the use of natural compounds in the treatment of cancer. In addition to all of this, the Alumni Fund also awards grants to various student activites, and even the student centre itself; in 2020,

the Alumni Fund awarded a grant of £100,000 towards the building of the student centre. The Alumni Fund has also awarded money for the improvement of coaching and equipment of sports clubs such as basketball, lifesaving, rowing, triathlon, sailing, American football, and canoeing. The Alumni Fund also awarded £100,000 to the new Centre for the Arts. As part of the fundraising process, the Alumni Fund organises two annual telethons, where students here at the University of Bath speak to Bath alumni about the work of the fund in order to gain attention to it, and in the Spring 2013 telethon these students managed to raise over £100,000 for the fund. The University of Bath Alumni Fund does a lot of great work and aids many different parts of the University in so many ways. More information can be found in the Donor Report, at http://www. bath.ac.uk/alumni/news-publications/.

UCAShing in on your data C

ome one and all to the auction, the auction to sell your details to the highest bidder. Guess the auctioneer though. No, it’s not Facebook, and no, it’s not Google. It’s that annoying website from years gone by. Yes, you’re right. It’s UCAS. UCAS has been selling the details you gave them when you were applying to come to Bath. Now we at bathimpact are unfortunately not particularly surprised by this turn of events. We are living in an age where we are the product. Our information is what is up for sale. Our personal data is of worth. Most of us savvy technological types know this fully well. Facebook of course makes its money from targeting advertising at us. Although we may be fed up of the adverts for Asda – which one of our editors marked as offensive, because he’s posh – and

‘gay single’ ads when you’re not gay, you accepted it as part and parcel of the Facebook experience. You accept it. It’s a laugh. Plus you can get an ad blocker and avoid the whole scenario. What you don’t expect, and what bathimpact takes exception to is the fact that the admission service for university has been selling our details. This is not a social network we sign-up to for a laugh, it is, for many an essential service in fulﬁlling their aspirations in life. UCAS is not a service which should be selling our and our parents’ details. This is also happening at a time when students and parents have had to shell out thousands of pounds for a university education. Where is the more than £12 million UCAS is rising from these sales going? We don’t know, certainly not into making our educa-

tion cheaper. UCAS has been quick to say that its selling of details to companies such as O2, Vodafone and Microsoft is ﬁne because we can ‘opt-out’. The problem here is though that if we choose to opt-out of emails for the purposes of companies not receiving our details, we also loose the opportunity to receive potentially vital information about our education. That is not fair. That is not a choice. We at bathimpact cannot understand how UCAS, or any company can get away with this. Like we said, you expect it from social media sites – we’re pretty sure it’s in the terms and conditions of signing up to many sites. But UCAS? No thanks. The arm which is selling this information, UCAS Media promotes its services on the basis of the rich-

ness and accuracy of the data and the general trust associated with the UCAS brand. Again, how unsurprising. Of course you can trust the data, it’s being provided in good faith to get you into university. Of course it’s accurate, it’s got to be truthful to get you into university. What UCAS is doing is not illegal. It does however beg the question as to whether the body should be forced to change its practices. Is it really that difﬁcult to enable prospective students to opt-out from marketing emails, but remain able to receive emails for education and career purposes. So, when you get that peculiar text from a company you’ve never had any dealings with, it may very well be from when UCAS sold your details when you were applying to come here. Thanks UCAS.

shifts, the mice lost up to twenty ﬁve per cent of their brain cells. While this has not yet been repeated on human subjects (a dubiously ethical concept when considering the possible effects), the likelihood of repeated sleep deﬁcit leading to irreversible injury is becoming apparent. All of this is makes our all-nighters a pretty counterproductive method of churning out our work. With irregular schedules, clustered deadlines and an inability to actually work until The Fear arrives, getting seven and a half hours is often an unobtainable dream. It’s not only our ability to turn short-term memories into long-term memories, thereby allowing us to learn effectively, that we are jeopardising. It’s also our health and ability to deal with anxiety and stress, two things very common in students. Alongside this damage to the

brain, it has been seen that reducing sleep from seven and a half hours to six and a half hours, a reduction of only one hour, has the potential to switch on genes associated with diabetes and even a greater chance of developing cancer. In summary, sleep is great, and we should all be getting more. Unfortunately for us, as students we make this very difﬁcult for ourselves. A noisy environment, common in shared living such as student houses and halls, is one of the most obvious barriers stopping us from reaching the holy grail of a solid night’s sleep. An irregular routine? We’ve got it. We are running on caffeine, infamous alcohol drinkers, and often too busy to eat healthy food; three other main causes of restless nights. We are constantly trying to learn new information, to wrap our heads around unfa-

miliar concepts, and often have few opportunities to wind down. It’s no wonder our minds are racing come bedtime, whenever that may be, and insomnia is a common plight for students, especially those who spend their days glued to screens… which is most of them. Come morning, we are short-tempered and our ability to retain memories and understand complex concept is reduced. Not ideal in a learning environment. bathimpact recommends that readers take the effort to make time for a good night’s sleep. Put the laptops away, turn off the TV, put down the textbooks, and maybe take ten minutes to be mindful. Unfortunately, we at bathimpact are in no position to be handing out advice. We will most likely be staring at these screens long into the night, because we love you.

Sleepless students stuggle S

o how much did you get last night? Six hours? Seven? Eight if you’re extremely lucky. Those among us who have approaching deadlines probably had a lot less. We do it all the time, pull all-nighters to meet deadlines, and then once the deadlines are gone and there’s nothing we can do about them anymore, we spend the nights celebrating and commiserating with our friends. We at bathimpact are all too familiar with these bad habits, central to all but the most self-controlling student’s lifestyle. However, more evidence has been emerging on just how much this is damaging us, and how this damage is not easily ﬁxed by just a weekend of sleeping through the all the daylight hours. It has been seen in studies with mice that after several days of sleep patterns resembling those of night

The bathimpact team Holly Narey Editor-in-Chief impact-editor@bath.ac.uk

Tomos Evans Deputy Editor-in-Chief impact-deputy@bath.ac.uk

Ben Hooper bite Editor impact-bite@bath.ac.uk

Helen Edworthy News and Comment Editor impact-news@bath.ac.uk Tom Ash Features Editor impact-features@bath.ac.uk

Connor McGregor Morton Sport Editor impact-sport@bath.ac.uk

Pedro Gomes Photography Editor impact-photo@bath.ac.uk

Gemma Isherwood Online Editor impact-it@bath.ac.uk

Poppy Peake Publicity Ofﬁcer impact-publicity@bath.ac.uk

Gabriela Georgieva Design Editor impact-design@bath.ac.uk

Elliott Campbell Media Ofﬁcer su-media-ofﬁcer@bath.ac.uk

Advertising Enquires Helen Freeman H.Freeman@bath.ac.uk 01225 386806

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The opinions expressed in bathimpact are not necessarily those of the bathimpact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. bathimpact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct. Please contact them for any information.

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expressimpact

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News Lite

The government is bought and paid for by bankers.

Happy Mondays dancer Bez on why he is running as an independent candidate for Salford, despite having never voted before. Bez also stated that he wanted to ‘ﬁght the revolution from within’, and also that he felt he had little hope of winning in the safe Labour seat.

updates & events UPCOMING EVENT

photo of the fortnight

A picture of the now-missing Malaysian Airlines plane at Charles de Gaulle airport in 2011. The missing ﬂight MH370, has been the

Laurent ERRERA

subject of a wide search over a variety of areas since its disappearance

Where: Bath Visitor Information Centre When: 16th-26th May

on the 8th March 2014. The search

NATIONAL

consists of 26 countries, and is now being aided by the FBI. The potential whereabouts of the plane has already been widely debated, and a number of

conspiracy theories are already cropping up across various platforms on the internet.

Fortnight in ﬁgures

900

workers who have died building World Cup facilities in Qatar

the Citizens Advice bureau (CAB), the network of independent charities across the UK who give free and confidential information in order to help people with money, legal, and consumer problems. The CAB questioned whether the 2014 Budget, which was announced on

fortnightly graphic

with debt problems who seek help from

4000

The expected total number if the situation does not change

A graphic showing the fraction of people

Bath International Music Festival. Celebrating its 66th year this year, the Bath International Music Festival has a programme packed with a diverse array of events, from classical performances to jazz, folk, and world music, all placed around the city.

19th March 2014, will help this matter or serve to make it worse.

A burglar has been jailed for two years and eight months, after colleagues of the victims contacted the police after being sent a selﬁe taken by the burglar in the house he targeted. The burglar, Ashley Keast, and accomplice Anthony Hunt broke into the property in Rotherham on the 11th September 2013 and stole electrical items, jewellery, and a car adding up a total of £27,000.

INTERNATIONAL The FBI is aiding the search for the missing Malaysia Airlines jet, alongside teams from 26 other countries and the Malaysian government itself. The FBI are believed to be helping the Malaysian government examine a home flight simulator that belonged to the one of the pilots of flight MH370, after it was unearthed that one of the pilots may have deleted some files from the simulator.

LOCAL A Welsh stag party is believed to have caused chaos at the Kennet and Avon Canal, which was forced to close until further notice after the party managed to capsize their narrowboat at one of the canal’s locks. It is thought that the boat sank after the stag party ignored signs to keep their boat forward of a certain canal marker, tipping the boat to one side and forcing the party to jump onto the canal banks.

HEALTH Researchers in the US claim to have developed a new way to detect the use of performance-enhancing drugs in athletes, also claiming that the new test is ‘1000 times’ more sensitive than tests currently in use. The method will be able to use existing equipment and will also be cheaper, and the research was presented at a meeting of the American Chemical Society this month.

UPCOMING EVENT ‘Drowning in data: who and what can we trust?’ Another in UoB’s series of free public lectures, Professor Rhind of the Nufﬁeld Foundation is to give a talk about the sudden increase of data collection in the past four years, and how this information can be modiﬁed and abused by various agencies. Where: Chancellors’ Building 1.10 When: Wednesday 2nd April

Monday 24th March 2014

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Cuts proposed to student bursaries tions and activities that support students in successfully continuing their studies and progressing to employment or postgraduate study.” He urged universities to take into account OFFA’s report when drawing up access agreements for 2015/2016, as it is expected that about £600 million will be spent on bursaries and outreach programs in England to maintain student retention. He went on to

Hollie Christian-Brookes bathimpact Contributor The University of Bath’s ViceChancellor, Professor Dame Glynis Breakwell, had made a commitment to a new marking strategy following feedback from students through the University's Student Opinion Survey and Academic Reps. Anonymous marking, which is currently used for all written examinations, will now be used across departments for coursework assessments, and will ensure that the student's identity is unknown to the marker at the time of marking. First introduced by the Department of Health at the University of Nottingham in 2002 at the request of the academic council for attempts to reduce bias, the system has been approved by the CSSU (Council Senate/ Student's Union) thanks to a report produced by the current SU Education Officer, Peter Hachfeld. However, the proposals are currently under scrutiny from the University Learning Teaching and Quality Committee, and as such cannot be implemented until it has been approved. The recommendation comes at a time when the wider use of anonymous marking is more feasible given the upgraded Moodle software that the university now uses. This means

that all work submitted online receives a reference number that does not reveal the identity of the student, and is also know as 'marking by numbers'. The implementation of the system is also achievable regarding hard copies of work, as the current method of a coversheet used for examinations would be adopted. The report produced by Mr. Hachfeld does outline some limitations, referencing specifically the forms of assessment that this system is not suited to; examples include observed assessments, oral assessments, work undertaken on placement, dissertations, individual research, and peer assessments. Whilst concerns have been raised by the University community regarding the potential negative impact that anonymous marking could have upon the quality of feedback, last year's National Student Survey results for Sport and Exercise Science demonstrated higher student satisfaction regarding feedback where anonymous marking had been implemented. However, the drive to introduce the system is not just localised to the University of Bath; the National Union of Students have been campaigning on the issue in an attempt to increase fairness and equality throughout all elements of the 'Student Experience'.

say that the report provides “powerful new evidence” that universities should instead concentrate on expanding their outreach programs in schools rather than the students themselves. Vice-President (Higher Education) of the Nation Union of Students’ Rachel Wenstone has criticised Les Ebdon’s call to roll back bursary payments to the poorest students. Ms Wenstone also commented that the recommendation

didn’t take into account the difference in circumstances of institutions and that many institutions already had productive outreach programs, and that many of the students come from disadvantaged backgrounds. Ms Wenstone stated: “It is concerning that OFFA is making recommendations like this because we know the financial package provided to students is nowhere near enough. You cannot look at

michael kooiman

Tommy Parker bathimpact Contributor he Director of Office for Fair Access Les Ebdon has called for universities to re-evaluate the bursaries it offers to the poorest students, after a study conducted by OFFA showed that retention rates – the rates of students who do not drop out of their course - aren’t affected by the amount of money offered. The study ‘Do bursaries affect retention rate?’, which looked at student dropouts between the years 2007/2008 and 2010/2011, concluded that, broadly speaking, retention rates were similar for disadvantaged students who were offered bursaries of more than £1060, compared to those who were offered less than £700. It stated that the bursaries themselves have no discernable effect, however it also stated that other factors, like A-Level grades and family income were also notable effects. Professor Ebdon stated: “This new piece of OFFA analysis shows that bursaries may not be the powerful retention tool that many currently believe them to be. We will be encouraging them to rebalance their investment towards both targeted [and] sustained activities that raise attainment and aspira-

The cuts to bursaries have been announced alongside cuts to scholarships by David Willetts

the sector as a whole in this way – you need to look at individual circumstances.” The announcement from Les Ebdon to cut back on direct cash to poor students has been seen as even more controversial, especially alongside government plans to cut funding to initiatives aimed at supporting these students. Universities Minister David Willets also announced Government plans to cut the National Scholarship Program (NSP) from £150 million to just £50 million. The scheme provides students from households with an income of less than £25 000 with up to £3000 in scholarship funding for undergraduates. A handwritten statement by David Willets to Parliament has said the cuts will come into affect as early as this autumn. The cuts will see grants dropped to £2000 for incoming students. Les Ebdon called these cuts “disappointing” back in November and assured that spending by institutions from their higher fee income will not be reduced, a statement now at odds with his most recent. Mr Ebdon stated: “It’s important to emphasise that the government contribution to the NSP is only a small part of the total financial support available to students.”

UoB adopts anon Surveys finds universities marking not preparing for job market vey, The Graduate Market in 2014, found that the number of employers’ vacancies for graduates surged by 8.7%. This follows an increase of 2.5% in 2013, and a decline of 0.8% in 2012, taking graduate recruitment to its highest level since 2007. According to Higher Fliers Research, the largest recruiters of graduates in 2014 will be Teach First, with 1,550 vacancies; PwC, who have 1,200 vacancies; and Deloitte, who have about 1,000 vacancies. In terms of employment opportunities, the fastest-growing sectors are the consulting, finance, and engineering industries. The job recruitment in the media and energy sectors are the only two sectors that are going to re-

tract in 2014. The survey also found that the ten universities targeted by Britain’s top graduate employers are Nottingham, Manchester, Cambridge, Oxford, Bristol, Bath, Warwick, Leeds, Imperial College London, and University College London. Their research also stressed the importance of previous work experience, as graduates lacking this experience are unlikely to be successful during the selection process in over half of the studied recruiters. The report states: “Recruiters have confirmed that a record 37% of this year’s entry-level positions are expected to be filled by graduates who have already worked for their organisations.” archie4oz

Anthony Masters bathimpact Contributor A poll of 2,000 UK students and graduates commissioned by the professional networking site LinkedIn has found that graduate apply for an average of 12 jobs before getting their first role. Graduate respondents also said that one in four receives no feedback at all from failed applications. Furthermore, the ‘Students Have Your Say’ Survey states that 65% of students felt they are unprepared for the working world, and 52% of students believed that universities do not teach students the necessary skills to obtain a job. The survey was conducted in mid-February 2014, and four in ten respondents said having a competent online profile was either just as or more important than having a good CV. After the publication of the ‘Students Have Your Say’ Survey, Charles Hardy, Higher Education specialist at LinkedIn, said: “We are already working closely with schools and universities, helping to educate students on the tools available to them to help with career mapping and job hunting.” Mr Hardy also said that students needed an active online presence in order to gain their first job. The networking website LinkedIn has over 14 million UK members. Higher Fliers Research has recently published their annual report into the graduate market. Their sur-

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This week in losses for the Left compared to social workers, nurses, teachers etc., whilst conveniently leaving out the starting salaries for careers usually inhabited by white men in suits who commute in from Surrey. It’s the classic misdirection; make the working class compete amongst each other over who’s most deserving of the scraps whilst the men throwing the scraps eat caviar at the big table. Rather than wishing Bob Crow wasn’t head of TFL, we should be wishing every

Anthony Masters bathimpact Contributor he University of Bath Students’ Union Officer team for 2014-15 is Jordan Kenny, Paul Goodstadt, Tommy Parker, Freddy Clapson and Ben Jessup. It was noted by a bathimpact editorial that the new SU Officer was all-male, and a consequent question is whether students display any substantial bias towards a candidate based upon their sex, and if quotas are desirable. To misquote Olivia NewtonJohn; let’s get statistical. In the last election, there were four women running for three positions. Even if Officers were chosen randomly from the nominees, an all-male team would occur with a probability of one in nine. It would be a mistake to draw such dramatic conclusions from a single dataset. Over the past six years, there have been 77 candidates for the five SU Officer positions, from 2009-10 to 2014-15. I am excluding the defunct VP Communications position, which ended in 2010-11. In the 30 roles, students elected 23 male Officers and 7 female Officers. This disparity is largely explained by a discrepancy in nominations: there were 77 candidates; with 55 men and 22 women. 16 of these 30 con-

tests have only had candidates of a single sex: 13 all-male and 3 allfemale. The phenomenon of electoral bunching can be seen with the female nominations: 41% of all female candidates run for the Community Officer position, and the only all-female races have been this role. For the other four positions, women only represent 20.3% of all candidates. Four Officers have been elected unopposed. In the 14 contests with candidates from both sexes, ten men and four women were elected. There was not an even number of men and women running for every race. Just to scare people who read this newspaper to get away from statistics, we should do a hypothesis test. The null hypothesis is that students show no sex-based bias towards candidates in these independent elections, so the probability of a female candidate being elected is precisely the proportion of female candidates to the total number of nominees. The alternate hypothesis should be accepted if the p-value – the probability that we would see four or fewer female Officers from these fourteen elections if the null hypothesis is true – is less than 0.05. Plugging the numbers into a recursive formula, the p-value turns out to be 0.196. There is insufficient evidence to reject the null hypothesis. Like a true statistician, I require more information.

union had a Bob Crow. Tony Benn was branded a ‘silly old man’ and an ‘extremist’ because he gave up his titles, realised the system was bullshit and spent the rest of his life doing his best to change it. He became famous for his dogged opposition to Thatcherism’s attacks on the working class and it’s an incredible shame that the Left doesn’t have a similar straight talking and honest politician to do the same against the current Tory

regime. It was this honesty and his understanding that somebody has to be the first person to try and instigate change, despite the flak that will follow, that made him such a great MP. A quote he gave in an interview just last year sums up the situation better than I ever could: “First you are ignored. Then they say you’re mad, then dangerous and then finally you win and then you can’t find anyone at the top who doesn’t claim to have thought of it Regent’s University London

Thomas Gane bathimpact Contributor ver the last two weeks, the Left lost two of its most prominent figures and is much weaker for it. Tony Benn and Bob Crow came from very different backgrounds, followed very different careers and used very different methods to try and get their point across. However, both never wavered from their commitment to social justice and improving the lives of the working class, and both have been criticised and ridiculed following their deaths. Neither would have argued that they weren’t divisive and would have lived with this ridicule for much of their life, but they would have also worn it as a badge of honour because they realised that actually changing the status quo results in the status quo fighting back. Bob Crow in particular has suffered a fair amount of abuse, which is understandable because of the recent tube strikes. It’s also understandable because his working class status made him an easier target. I didn’t necessarily agree with him on every issue, but he was a man who knew that to fight for the common person against larger corporations, someone needed to play hardball and face criticism. Many of his critics would quote the (often incorrect) difference between starting salaries for tube drivers in London

On 14th March 2014, Labour MP Tony Benn died, after having been a Labour MP for 47 years

in the first place”. Everyone says they’re pro equality until they find out the costs that equality sometimes has. No one admits to misogyny or sexism until a feminist explains to them exactly how much of everyday life contributes to the patriarchy and rape culture, then they brand the feminist as crazy or a ‘feminazi’. Even the most famous symbols of change in history, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Ghandi etc., all faced these challenges and confrontation with the status quo. If Mandela and Dr. King were fighting the system today they would come under the same flak that Benn and Crow have. Their legacies have been ossified over the years so that modern politicians can feel comfortable quoting them, but we shouldn’t forget that they were had extreme views towards social justice and equality that were branded as crazy back then and arguably would still be today. They never were, and never will be, puppets for conservative politicians, and neither were Benn and Crow. Anyone can read a few theories and have some nice ideas, but very few people realise the real world measures required for change and also be willing to live with the consequences of it. Tony Benn and Bob Crow were able and willing to fight right up until their deaths, and that is why they should be celebrated.

The question of representation Community-elect Tommy Parker. This seems like an unsatisfactory solution. There is also a distinction between proper stratification of a sample, and the act of representation: it is the essential nature of representation that people will convey problems they themselves have not experienced. The prominent concern for the SU is how to get more students – particularly women – to stand. Whilst sex appears to have no significant effect on being elected, there may be many reasons as to

why women choose not to stand, including a perception of gender bias amongst voting students. These reasons might actually be positive, as possible candidates may wish to not delay their career. SU President Ellie Hynes wrote on social media: “The problem could in fact be that we need to do a better job of promoting being an SU Officer as a year of work that will enhance your career in the years after.” This is a difficult problem: let’s hope the new team is up to the challenge. Tom Ash

Quotas have been suggested to ensure greater numbers of female Officers. An output quota would be unfeasible in our current system, where we have five separate roles with their own specialisms and remits. Whilst I maintain that the SU missed out on Kat Agg’s Presidency, how would you choose who to exclude from being elected? Another method might be to prohibit male candidates from running for the Community Officer position, but this would mean missing out on David Howells in 2010-11, and VP

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Concerning Postgrads: A response Simon O’Kane bathimpact Contributor n page 2 of the previous issue of this glorious organ there was an anonymous letter to the editor from a PhD student who claimed to ‘speak on behalf of all other postgrads’. Being a final year PhD student who also did his first degree at Bath myself, I read this letter with great interest and found it raised many interesting points which I would like to respond to.

tegrate’ us… We’ve done our time. Sports clubs, societies and the like are fantastic opportunities and I would encourage everyone to take part and you know what, I did.’ Regarding emails, there are three types of emails postgraduates can receive. There are those sent by the SU Officers, which ALL students receive. There are those sent by the Postgraduate Association (PGA) and/or your Academic Reps, all of whom are postgraduates, elected by postgraduates and bathimpact

In the first paragraph the writer bemoans, ‘…how little candidates appreciate the diversity of our heterogeneous student population’. This is a valid criticism of most candidates, and indeed most human beings. In this article I aim to show that the correspondent is sadly not immune to this. In the next paragraph, he gets to his main point. ‘This is what postgraduates want: to be left alone! Seriously, give us our space, stop emailing us and stop trying to 'in-

The letter to the editor stated that extracurriculars like societies are good, but only for undergraduates

accountable to postgraduates, solely. The third type refers to mailing lists you’ve opted into, for example by joining a society. You should be able to opt out any of these lists at any time. More worryingly, the writer appears to be suggesting that postgraduates shouldn’t be involved in Student Groups (an umbrella name used by the SU for Societies, Sports Clubs, Media and so on). He goes on to justify this stance in the next paragraph: “But as fantastic as these opportunities are, you need time, energy and friends to do these things and get the most out of them; three commodities that postgrads have in short supply.” This is actually a valid point. Postgrads will always, always be on average less involved in students’ unions than undergrads, because they have less time and tend to have different circumstances ( for example, many live outside Bath). However, many postgraduates are involved in a wide range of activities. Some Societies, such as Chamber Choir, attract large numbers of PhD students. The writer continues, ‘…we don’t want to be on your committees…’ Ignoring the two Society chairs, one Executive Committee chair, one Mature Students committee member and two members of Elections Committee that I know to be

PhD students (and they’re only the ones I know about!), who do you expect to represent you to your Department, Faculty and University without your Academic Reps, Faculty Reps and PGA Executive? In his closing paragraph, he even outlines a situation that should concern the PGA: ‘We want to have our lunch in Claverton Rooms without seeing the tell-tale blue hoodies of the sporty or the flip-flops and trackies of the campus dwellers’. While I don’t go for judging people on their choice of clothing, if undergraduates are dining in Claverton Rooms uninvited, your representatives should be on it. In conclusion, postgraduate students are if anything even more diverse than undergraduates, coming from a rich variety of backgrounds and doing many different types of course, from PGCE and Master’s to PhD and other doctorates. Every postgraduate will want something different from their SU: nothing, someone to lobby the University for better facilities, expert advice and support when things get too much, networking opportunities like Meeting of Minds or being involved in something they’re passionate about. Gross generalizations, such as claiming to speak on behalf of everyone, don’t help anyone.

issue. Smog is a phenomenon currently associated with the developing economies, be it Victorian to post-war Britain, or Brazil and China nowadays. It is not in keeping with modern, clean Western Europe, where vehicles have had emissions targets imposed on them for years. So is this the wake-up call that we need to stop driving large cars, or even cars under internal combustion power into city centres and instead embrace the electric motor as a way of powering the car? The main problems with electric cars are their range and charging time, but these are both things that

are improving all the time. The latter would not even be a problem at all if there were charging points available so cars could be charged during the day. This, regrettably, is the main reason why small electric city cars aren't catching on. It’s a Catch-22 situation as councils, who are already very strapped for cash as it is, aren't going to invest in charging points if there is no need for them because nobody owns an electric car – and if nobody owns an electric car, the call for charging points won’t change. To me the only logical clean fuel source is hydrogen, as for the consumer filling your tank with it would change very little. You'd drive to the hydrogen station (probably your old petrol station), hook your car up , and then fill up and be able to drive an equivalent range before filling up again. This, however, is a long way off as a suitable method for hydrogen storage has yet to be developed due to the extreme low temperatures required. Therefore a stop-gap is required, and the hybrid seems the logical solution. Hybrid cars produce little to no emissions in the cities, as they are run purely off electrical power, and they have a suitable range, due to the internal combustion engine. Hopefully, with the recent launch of more cool hybrids such as the McLaren P1 (the Range Rover of all F1 cars), the technology will shake off its stigma of being for hippies in their Priuses. Otherwise, the smog will probably be here to stay.

Simon Rushton bathimpact Contributor rench cities recently took the unprecedented step of making public transport free for one weekend in order to try and reduce pollution levels, and more importantly stop vehicles contributing further to the cloud of smog that enveloped them. The worst hit was Paris, where the move was initially instigated. Pollution levels in the French capital were reportedly higher than those typically seen in the almost constantly smogridden Beijing. Furthermore, the lack of wind and rain has hardly helped reduce the effects of having fewer vehicles on the road. The Parisians therefore had to take drastic action and enforce a ban on half the cars wanting to drive into the city, using odd and even number plates as the differentiator. Policing this was a huge undertaking, and reportedly required 700 officers stationed strategically over 60 different locations. However, it doesn’t need to be stated for it to be obvious that there were, of course, people who ignored this. Three thousand people were caught by 10:30 am, and for their troubles they were handed a €22 fine (roughly £18.50) – which is hardly more than the congestion charge motorists pay to drive into London. Other tactics the French employed included hiring cars with the correct number plates, which hardly seems worth it due to the fact that

the fine would have almost definitely been cheaper. Another tactic was increased carsharing, which is more encouraging. The latter is popular in France, especially with younger people who will happily advertise their journeys online so that complete strangers will book their trip, and in turn be willing to spilt the pre-determined cost of the trip with them. This does seem to go against the basic rules you are taught as a child about both accepting things and getting into cars with strangers but the system does work and is far cheaper (and sometimes if the route is more direct) quicker than taking

the train. In Lyon, where the smog is clearly visible looking into the town from up high, the public transport was also free for the weekend with extra services added to match the increased demand. From what I saw, it seemed to work - the buses, trams and underground trains that I came across generally seemed to be full. You may be thinking that surely running more buses is counterintuitive to reducing pollution, but the majority were trolley busses and hence produce zero emissions under operation. This is a bonus of course, but it shouldn’t mask the underlying

garycycles6

The pitfalls of Parisian pollution

Monday 24th March 2014

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Society

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TEDx talks come to University of Bath Gemma Isherwood reports on a day of presentation inspiration Health Equality, John Troyer - Future Death Technology: The Shock of the Past and Esther McMorris Nine Feet Tall. Sam Milne and Blair Dunlop posed three questions: “Could you abandon your brother?”, “How far would you go to save a stranger?” and “Can you forgive an enemy?” The answers they gave were surprising to everyone in the room and really highlighted the differences between and among cultures. Everyone in the room would have been more aware of the huge international community at Bath, and the talk gave a great insight into what volunteer doctors actually get thrown into in foreign countries. They talked about how their knowledge and skills made a huge impact on healthcare accessibility in Sierra Leone and how they helped to raise the bar of availability with a huge impact on local communities, ending with this thought: “Whatever you think you know about a situation, you have no idea what will happen until you actually get out there.” John Troyer, a sociology lecturer here at Bath, gave a talk on a touchy subject - death. What is going to happen when we die? Not in the ‘heaven or hell’ sense, but rather ‘let’s have 3D projections at our graves which you can access by scanning a QR code’. It sounds pretty out there, but he spoke about

how the digital generation are obviously going to leave a digital footprint - there will be more dead Facebook users than living ones in 2065. He also talked about what we can actually use dead bodies for: fuel? Compost? What’s the stigma attached to keeping bodies sacred? It was heavy going for a Saturday afternoon but left us with a more open mind to talking about death and thinking about what we do online. Esther McMorris’s talk was really empowering. From her past ten years of experience, she explained a different approach to how we treat

their chosen charity Médecins Sans Frontières and for the official rally charity Cool Earth. The Rally travels through Europe, Azerbaijan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan and Russia crossing the Gobi desert on the way. Médecins Sans Frontières are a humanitarian charity that provides medical assistance to countries affected by armed conflict, natural disasters and poor health-

care systems. “We’ve chosen to support MSF because the majority of the funds raised go directly to running their essential support programs.” Steven explained. Typically cars in the rally are required to have an engine size of 1 litre or less. However, when the group found a bargain 2nd hand limo on eBay, they could not resist the offer. “We contacted the rally organisers to see if an exception

people in businesses and how seeing employees as active rather than passive can lead to some great innovations. It doesn’t seem so revolutionary when you write it down, but the disparity between the ideas and well-tested theories about how to make the working world a more productive place for everyone and the practices actually in place in some companies was really interesting and sparked a great debate among those in attendance. There were also several other talks, ranging from solar energy to sunburn, and the TEDx group showed us a few of the more popu-

lar TED talks videos throughout the day. I left the event with a renewed sense of purpose in life and a keenness to go out and make a difference in the world by sharing great ideas, getting the most out of my working relationships and not being afraid to take the plunge and make a difference. I spent the next few days gorging on more TED Talks on their website (www.ted.com) and giving my brain a workout. Overall, the day really captured what TED is all about - showcasing the wonderful things around us, sharing ideas, inspiring each other and sparking new interests.

Partyshaper

ince 2006, TED talks have been available online across the world. From the grassroots of a Technology, Entertainment and Design conference in 1984, the thoughts, talks and ideas spread by TED talks have become a staple part of our generation’s diet. As part of this, TEDx (independently organised TED events) has emerged as a way to inspire people across the world in smaller communities where ideas are just as inspiring, research is just as fascinating but voices might be less heard. TEDx Bath University (a society you can join on bathstudent) held a TEDx event a few weeks ago, with talks by a dead body enthusiast from the University of Bath; a keen traveller who has been to every country in the world; and a rower who plans to traverse the Pacific Ocean alone. These examples alone showcase the staggering diversity in fascinating stories which are available to us on a local scale and seeing them all together made for a seriously inspiring day. Hearing about people’s motivations and goals left everyone in attendance with an extra spring in their steps, as well as the lingering feeling that our lives had been enriched somehow. Three talks that stood out were the following: Sam Milne & Blair Dunlop - Expedition Medicine Sierra Leone: Targeting Global

Three engineers, one limousine Steven Brace bathimpact Contributor

Phillip

hree mechanical engineering students are part of a team of four preparing to take on a 10,000 mile charity rally from London to Mongolia, in a 20-year-old limousine! Steven Brace, Oliver Skittery, Jack Chartres and Dominic Falcão have signed up for the Mongol Rally 2014 to raise money for

20-year-old limousines: the classier way for four gentleman to travel in a charity rally to Mongolia

could be made, and when they heard we wanted to use a limo they were all for it”. When Jack told his parents about the rally they weren’t completely on board. Two days after telling them he received a six page hand-written letter from his mother pleading him not to take part. One of her many concerns was that Jack, who measures in at 6 foot 5 inches long, “would be too cramped”. This was before Jack had informed them that he had purchased a limousine. Jack exclaimed, “This 20 foot executive vehicle will be perfect for my long legs and my mum’s nerves.” Aside from parental concern, the team have other hurdles to overcome. Steven, who suffers from chronic car sickness, hopes that he will be able to obtain a driving licence in time for the start of the rally on the 19th of July. Dom, the team’s 4th member, a graduate of PPE from York University was told by his driving instructor that he was the worst student he’d had in 40 years of instructing and would certainly crash within a week of passing his test. Insurance has proven to be a major hurdle. Initially the boys found that after contacting countless insurance brokers the same question came up every time: “Why do three twenty-two year

old students need insurance on a limousine?” Unfortunately, “More seats and extra legroom” was not the answer they were looking for. They were finally successful when they found a specialist broker that covers convicted and banned drivers. When asked why they chose a limo they replied “With one of the longest continuous histories in the motor industry, the Rover marque has always had a reputation for luxury without extravagance and style without ostentation. It has maintained this status with the Rover 827 limousine which includes exclusively full-grain leather interiors and fully electric wing mirrors. The Rover 827’s top of class air conditioning system makes it the only practical choice for crossing the Gobi desert. This paired with state of the art soft-air suspension will allow a smooth journey across potholes, river crossings and arid desert planes.” The team are hoping to raise £2,500 for their chosen charities; they have all signed up for the Bath half marathon on the 3rd of March and are planning other fund raising events in the near future. To follow their progress during the rally and to find out how to donate, go to www.mongolrallylimoservice.co.uk.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Society

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Veteran politician Tony Benn dies Cameron Wells bathimpact Contributor

many failures, based on the idea ‘give up everything you believe and you will win’. Then people say we didn’t give up enough...and I think that is the tragedy.” However, Tony Benn was not just in politics for winning general elections. Tony Benn believed in a grand vision of socialism and wanted to see a different order. Benn wanted to do away with the

Regent’s University London

n a bleak May morning in 1994, Labour politicians gathered to mourn the death of their leader, John Smith. His death severed a link with Labour’s past. For 16 years Labour politicians had languished in the wilderness and had lost four general elections due to vicious inter-

nal conﬂicts. In the 1980s Labour leaders and key thinkers failed to offer the public a legitimate alternative and their response to conservative domination was to shed most of their socialist framework. Tony Benn, a Member of Parliament for the Labour Party, had vehemently opposed this throughout his career, saying “I’ve seen so

Tony Benn maintained a career as a public speaker after withdrawing from parliamentary politics

technocratic order which believed they could manage the capitalist system. He rejected the watering holes of Westminster for the local Labour club. His socialism derived from Karl Marx, the Bible and the heroes of the English Civil War. This allowed Benn to become comfortable among the working class community, which was extraordinary given his aristocratic background. This was a remarkable feat as the working class looked up to him and respected him almost like one of their own over his years in politics. Tony Benn’s inﬂuence steadily increased over the course of the late 1970s and early 1980s, and he became a rare dynamic socialist option for the Labour leadership. Benn made the bourgeoisie cringe with his wit and satire, but became increasingly ineffective within politics due to a failure to understand that the world was changing around him. During the summer of 1979, Benn declared to his friends in the Shadow Cabinet that Britain was become a police state and was derided by the Labour leader Michael Foot as ‘nuts’. However, away from Westminster Benn inspired activist and young socialists

alike. It was now certain that Benn wanted nothing short of revolution within the Labour Party. He wanted party members to have the power to sack MPs, to have a say in the choice of party leader and to influence the policies which went into the manifesto. This was practically unheard of in the world of mainstream politics of the time. Benn pursued his ideas with a sometimes deplorable level of unscrupulousness. He was a great believer in personal assignment of one sort; however, Tony Benn was far from a political careerist with his eyes set on the leadership. Benn sacrificed the prospects of being leader with his far-left wing ideals. He pursued them resolutely but did not pursue them with the intention of becoming leader of the Labour Party. Tony Benn died in hospital on 14th March 2014 with his family around him. At a Stop The War conference last year Benn was treated with enormous praise and geniality from the members of the conference. Ed Miliband paid a sincere, heartfelt tribute to Benn, recalling his time under him on work experience, calling him an “iconic figure of our age”.

Jac Heanen bathimpact Contributor

he story of Robin Hood is told to us as children: we learn that Mr Hood ‘stole from the rich and gave to the poor’ and was hailed as a hero for it. Our tax system is very much our own ‘Robin Hood’, an engine that assesses incomes and levies a suitable fraction of this income for the state. In measure, tax collection

may reach an equilibrium of providing public services and bridging inequality whilst maintaining a positive public perception. But Ed Balls has attempted to displace this balance. Recent controversies have led to political dialogue obsessing over the salaries of bankers, CEOs and the tax evasion of corporations such as Starbucks and Google. People seem to cite these examples on a day to

McGettigan HE talk Sally Williamson Bath SU Community Ofﬁcer Monday 24th March will see Dr Andrew McGettigan visiting Bath to give a talk on the privatisation of HE at the Royal National Hospital for Rheumatic Diseases in the city centre. There have been ongoing debates around the sale of student loans, the 13 per cent cut to staff pay in real terms and 10 per cent increases for senior staff, and the commercialisation of universities. It will also see the relaunch of the campaign for Fair Pay in HE. Unions are still ﬁghting for a pay increase with a large group of students behind them and some progress has been made recently with the introduction of a “pay supplement” for permanent staff. The pay supplement

is designed to increase the wages of all permanent staff to the living wage; being only a supplement, this increase is not set in concrete. Moreover it will only affect 247 full time staff, and not the 1000 casual and zero hours staff—the majority of which are students. The talk by Dr McGettigan is in the hospital at 6pm and will be followed by a Q&A session. It is free and anyone can attend. To get involved with the ﬁght for fair pay in HE, and campaign for your tuition fees to go to lecturers and not to senior management, email bathstudents@ gmail.com. Finally, to join the campaign for the living wage to be a real wage increase extended to all casual and student staff, visit facebook.com/ groups/livingwagebathuni/

day basis to generalise broadly across high income earners and victimise the poor, grouping earnest hard workers and immoral tax avoiders in the same category. This slander of decent and hardworking individuals has become frequent in political debate as proven by a Question Time audience member a few weeks ago who proclaimed “the real reason this country is going down is due to the bankers who take massive bonuses in this country and people who avoid billions of pounds of tax”. Cue the applause. To clarify, despite only earning 13 per cent of aggregate income, the best-paid one per cent of workers contributed 29.8 per cent of all income tax 2013-14. This figure has risen dramatically since 2003-4 when the top one per cent contributed only 20.8 per cent. These figures illustrate that this tax bracket pays its way and our current debate regarding the immoralities of the rich is skewed; the contribution of the rich in tax has followed an upward trajectory, rather than getting worse. Individuals who qualify to be placed in this category are not necessarily multi-millionaires as continually prophesised in the media and public opinion; they are individuals who have incomes that exceed £160,000. They do not have unrelenting access to tax-evasive avenues; therefore, to generalise across this echelon as ‘a problem’ is unjustified. When engaging in a school of thought whereby as a society we disapprove of good salaries, we dis-incentivise hard work. Labour’s Robin Hood tax system would seem

SoerFM

Is Ed Balls a modern Robin Hood?

‘Robin Hood’ style taxation is steadily garnering popularity to contradict the values we wish to es for the rich yield greater tax revfoster; values of hard work, dili- enue – when the Conservative govgence and a passion to achieve, be- ernment abolished the 50p tax rate cause by punishing pecuniary suc- in favour of 45p, the tax yield dracess, a motivation for many in the matically increased. Furthermore, younger generation, our tax system the Institute for Fiscal Studies would suppress a desire to succeed. said restoring the rate would raise Labour have used past reports of “a very small amount of money”, tax evasion and banking to justify a and there appears to be very little 50p tax rate, and the recent shift in evidence supporting Ed Balls claim our country’s thinking has meant that this will overhaul the deﬁcit. The contention by Labour is that that this policy has been met with approval. Punishing good salaries by introducing harsher taxes, Ed and dissuading high income earn- Balls will be able to bridge the gap ers from settling in the UK, simply in inequality in this country. Very to make up for the past mistakes much like Robin Hood, Ed Balls is of multinationals and the banking attempting dress himself as a hero, sector will not be a viable solution. by ‘stealing from the rich and giving John F Kennedy pointed out ‘the to the poor’ in the hope of gaining paradoxical truth’ is that lower tax- political ground.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Minty fresh new pound coins unveiled After thirty years in circulation, the current pound coin is being replaced terfeiting, helping to boost public conﬁdence in the UK’s currency in the process.” Essentially what has happened is the technology used to print small, circular pieces of metal has become vastly less costly and more effective in the past 30 years. As a result, counterfeiting groups and individuals have access to cheap, easy methods of producing fake currency which they can then put into circulation as if it were real. The Royal Mint estimates that approximately three per cent of pound coins cur-

Sam Azgor

edition is unveiled for circulation. As rabid partisans of the old mint call the banners and prepare to do battle, one might ask why the Royal Mint has chosen this moment to replace it. The answer is explained succinctly by its CEO, Adam Lawrence, who has commented “The current £1 coin design is now more than 30 years old and it has become increasingly vulnerable to counterfeiting over time. It is our aim to identify and produce a pioneering new coin which helps to reduce the opportunities for coun-

rently in use are in fact fakes. How does this affect you and me? Firstly, fake currency has no value. In theory you might be able to use it in a shop unknowingly as if it were real; however, if the shop attendant spots it then they are obliged to keep hold of it and issue you a receipt, but not accept it as payment, leaving you shortchanged. If they are foolish enough to accept it as payment, then the retail outlet itself loses money: this is why you’ll see assistants holding up bank notes to the light. Unfortunately, fake pound coins are a lot harder to spot and often go unnoticed; just the sheer volume of £1 pieces a store will process in a given day makes checking each one impractical. Furthermore, the Royal Mint’s suggestions for spotting forgeries are slightly less than helpful, ranging from observing that ‘the milled edge is poorly deﬁned and the lettering is uneven in depth’ to ‘the orientation of the obverse and reverse designs is not in line’. One might then wonder why faking pound coins is a problem – surely the only people who lose out are the government, and no likes them, right? Sadly, the effect of increasing the supply of money to the economy is to push inﬂation up and devalue the currency as a whole,

leading to more expensive imports, less return on exports and higher domestic prices. As a result, currency counterfeit operations are effectively a form of stealing from the whole country; the new pound coin is designed to ward against this. How will it work? Well for one thing, being based on the pre-metric threepenny bit, it has twelve sides which will foil operations that until now have only had to print those nice, circular bits of metal that we were talking about. The monarch’s face will still adorn the front side, but the back is going to be decided by public competition. The colour scheme replicates the two pound coin’s composite gold-silver design, again making it harder to forge. The coin will also feature the Royal Mint’s ‘Integrated Secure Identiﬁcation System’, the ﬁne details of which they are understandably keeping well under wraps. Many will no doubt be sad to see the £1 coin go after our tempestuous thirty-year love affair with it, but the need to ensure a robust and fair economy means that, in this instance, any nationalist sentimentality regarding coinage needs to be laid aside. For those tearing up at the thought, a few words of solace: the new coin will still feature Queen Liz’s head, front and centre.

to dig up blood diamonds to help their ‘noble’ struggle. In the United States, a job in the military might well be the only job opportunity for thousands of young, disadvantaged youths who – as we see in the Michael Moore documentary Farrenheit 9/11 – are actively targeted by recruiters. Conﬂict in its various forms might well be the cause of everything we know, and behind that is our thirst for money. If we are unable to protect our interests after all, what is the point of having them;

the Russians certainly didn’t decide to occupy the Crimea just because their beaches were nice. And so, I think back to that day, when I looked at the target in the riﬂe range, his painted-on eyes staring back. As I pulled the trigger and saw the bullet enter the sandbag behind him, I convinced myself I was not able to do it for real. Now all I can do is look back and think, ultimately, it doesn’t matter if I could do it or not; somebody else will for me, as long as there is money to be gained.

...

EconomicsWarof The current design of pound coins is being retired amid concerns that it facilitates counterfeiting

ecause I’m an over-privileged public school child, I have spent almost five years of my life in some kind of military service. As a ‘cadet’ I rolled around in the mud, tied knots and orienteered, all useful skills in case of a peasant uprising. It was fun at the time; dressed in cammo, running round with rifles, but a sudden moment of realisation hit me in the final year. It was target practice and in front of me was a cut-out of a man. It was at that moment I realised that, next to the shiny boots and agonising drills, I – barely a young man – was being trained to kill. Anyone who reads International Relations will be familiar with the significance of war in the foundation of the world in which we live. At its most simple, its importance is recognised by Charles Tilly’s statement that “war made the state and the state made war”. If it wasn’t for the need for taxation to fund the conflicts of kings and dukes, it is difficult to imagine nations rising the way they did. At an even simpler level, whenever there has been something to protect – whether it is property or pride – conflict has always been important in establishing the basic economic structures in which we indulge ourselves today. War (or

better put, protection) needs money, with many of the world’s banks and lenders forming around this principle. The war business is huge. If war did create the state, it has done little to discourage its decline since this discovery. With around 2.7 per cent of global GDP spent on arms by countries and actors every year, supporting a network of guns totalling around 875 million, it is not surprising that some might have a vested interest in protecting their production. The Small Arms Survey estimates that around 1,000 companies in around 100 countries manufacture weaponry, with some country’s economies supported to a great degree by them. A harrowing mainstream approach to this military-industrial complex might be to watch Lord of War. As Nick Cage roams around the world transporting and facilitating the procurement of guns in countries as wide-ranging Sierra Leone, Afghanistan and Colombia, you begin to get the futile feeling that, as long as war is profitable, we are powerless to stop it. At the top of the countries profiting from war is the United States, whose profits ranged between $5060 billion in the last five years. Ironically Switzerland (AKA peace

central) ranks at number 12 in the table meaning that even pacifists can profit from war. Conspiracy theorists might even point to Bush Junior’s relationship with the Carlyle Group, a weapons producer, who many suggest might have pushed the President into fighting in Iraq, creating billions in sales for them. Even for those at the bottom, war is important. FARC rebels in Colombia used illegal timber exports and cocaine sales to fund their conflict, whilst the Revolutionary United Front in Sierra Leone forced captors

Moyan Brenn

Tom Ash Features Editor t has been a busy couple of weeks for nerdy followers of all things ﬁnancial. Justin King steps down from Sainsbury’s, a ‘beer and bingo’ budget is put to the House of Commons, and now the Royal Mint proposes to euthanise the dearly beloved one pound coin, quelle horreur. After 30 years of loyal service, this faithful stalwart of cash ﬂoats and wallets across the country is being put out to pasture as a new, purportedly more robust

Monday 24th March 2014

Photo

Pedro Gomes bathimpact Photograpy Editor

n Saturday 15th March, BUASS (Bath University Asian Students Societiy) held the famous festival of colours Holi Hai here on campus. Holi is an ancient festival of India and was originally known as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Holikaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. It is said that Holi existed several centuries before Christ. However, the meaning of the festival is believed to have changed over the years. Earlier it was a special ritual performed by married women for the happiness and well-being of their families where the full moon (Raka) was worshiped. Nowadays there is Holi Hai, the festival of colours which celebrates the end of winter and the bloom of spring. It was a great experience to be involved in this event. The music was inviting, the sunny day brought a nice warm summer feeling and everyone was enjoying themselves. There was a great sensation of happiness and unity as people started loosen up as they got dirtier and dirtier and their shyness between them faded away. Congratulations to BUASS for their fantastic initiative to make this event possible for all students in our university. It would have been great to see more people adhering but unfortunately maybe most were not aware of this event, better advertising it would have been great. Overall, it was very successful and hopefully there will always be time for more events like this. Happy Holi!

Photography by Pedro Gomes

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Monday 24th March 2014

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Photography by Pedro Gomes

Monday 24th March 2014

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Science

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Ineffective cull fails to reach quota A

n independent report commissioned by the government has found that the badger culls which began in autumn last year failed to meet targets as well as standards for humaneness. The pilot culls were carried out in an attempt to combat the spread of bovine tuberculosis (TB) in cattle, aiming to kill 70 per cent of badgers in Gloucestershire and Somerset respectively, however, the leaked report found that only 58 per cent were killed in Somerset, and 30 per cent in Gloucestershire. Almost one fifth of badgers took longer than five minutes to die, and a significant number were not shot cleanly, deeming the culls both ineffective and inhumane. Licensed marksmen were employed to shoot the badgers at night, with pilot zones encouraging the badgers in to eat, only to then be shot. It is widely regarded that badgers infected with the bacteria causing TB pass this infection onto cattle, and are at the root of a growing epidemic. A large number of cattle farms in the South West are affected and the implications threaten both farmers as well as the cattle industry. Official figures show that 36,620 cattle were forcibly slaughtered in 2013 as a result of TB, proving to be costly for farmers. Yet, this figure was down from 37,734 cat-

tle in 2012, suggesting that measures of biosecurity are the viable solution, undermining the case for badger culling. Scientists do agree that killing the vast majority of badgers in the pilot areas would have an impact on cattle TB, but as many as 100,000 badgers would need to be culled if the full programme were to go ahead, a seemingly ambitious and unattainable goal considering the failure of the pilot culls which have cost the taxpayer an estimated £7.29 million. Even if successful, cattle TB would only be reduced by 16 per cent. Many argue that a minimal reduction at such high costs cannot be justified, further tied with the overwhelming emotion and sentiment expressed by the majority of the public. Other scientific evidence suggests that failure to meet culling targets poses further negative consequences; Professor Rosie Woodroffe from the Zoological Society of London asserts that the remaining badgers are more infectious, and that their behaviour will naturally alter due to perturbation, meaning that badgers are more likely to interact with cattle and therefore infect them with TB. The British Veterinary Association initially backed and called for the controlled shooting of badgers to be tested, but will reconsider its position and support if concerns about the inefficacy, cruelty and

suffering of the badgers are published to be true. Brian May has been a leading figure in the campaign to cure not kill, releasing a single in support of the vaccination of badgers, a proposed alternative which is in the stages of development. Wildlife trusts believe that biosecurity and vaccinations should be the primary means to eradicate cattle TB; cattle vaccination is a long term solution too yet is banned under EU legislation. The RSPCA and various wildlife charities have been campaigning politically for these alternative measures, while smaller direct action groups have been campaigning in the pilot areas, standing in the way of marksmen and making noisy disturbances to scare badgers out of the designated zones. Earlier this month MPs voted to end the culls; a non-binding motion stated that the culls have ‘decisively failed’ and was passed by an overwhelming 219 votes to 1. Yet, a backbench motion does not bind ministers to remove the policy. Many farmers, government ministers and proponents who believe culling is essential to eradicate the disease do not want to abandon culls but instead learn from them, despite the growing evidence against this ineffective and inhumane method. Thankfully, public outcry and expert scientific evidence doesn’t seem to be faltering.

Today badgers are still commercially trapped for their pelts.

not a cure and HIV patients are subjected to daily medication for the rest of their lives. Not only is this costly and resource-intensive, there are concerns over the development of drug resistance if the medications are not taken properly. Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have found a potential cure for HIV through the use of gene therapy. The study which involved 12 HIV positive patients

showed that through the modification of genes in the sufferers immune cells, the levels of HIV in the body were significantly reduced. One patient’s levels of HIV were even claimed to have become undetectable. The investigation focused on a mutation, known as the CCR5delta-32 mutation, which provides a natural resistance to the HIV virus. Present in just 1 per cent of the population, this rare mutation re-

duces the expression of CCR5 surface proteins which consequently prevents the entry of HIV into cells, resisting infection. Scientists engineered the T cells in the patients to mimic the CCR5-delta-32 mutation. The patients in the study were split into two cohorts; one group remained on antiretroviral medication, whilst the other 6 patients were taken off their antiretroviral medication altogether for up to 12 weeks, beginning four weeks af-

Kuerschner

Marral Shamshiri bathimpact Contributor

Suzanne Clare bathimpact Contributor

IV which stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus causes damage to the immune system cells until the immune system can no longer fight off other infections. AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome) then develops from the HIV virus within an average of ten years of infection if left untreated. According to Public Health England, by the end of 2012, an estimated 98,400 people were living with HIV in the UK. This figure highlights the prevalence of the disease and the importance of finding a way to tackle it. Unlike most other diseases, the human body is unable to fight HIV which makes it reliant on external sources of therapy. The current treatment for HIV involves taking antiretroviral drugs in order to keep the levels of HIV in the body at a minimum. This enables the immune system to recover and work effectively, as it would in a healthy individual. The main types of drugs, which are usually used in combination to treat different stages of the HIV life cycle, include; protease inhibitors, integrase inhibitors, nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors (NRTI) and non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors (NNRTI). However, this treatment is

National Institutes of Health (NIH)

HIV cure just around the corner? ter the genetic modification. The numbers of modified T cells in the patients were monitored during follow up visits, and were shown to decrease at a significantly slower rate than that of unmodified T cells when antiretroviral medication was stopped. This suggested that modified cells were protected from HIV infection and were more likely to survive than the cells that had not been treated. This idea of gene therapy to produce the CCR5-delta-32 mutation stems from a discovery that was made in 2007 when Timothy Ray Brown (also known as ‘The Berlin Patient’) became the first person to recover from HIV. A sufferer of Leukaemia, he had his immune system destroyed during chemotherapy but this was then replaced with a bone marrow transplant from a donor with the beneficial CCR5-delta-32 mutation. Although this treatment was successful, scientists were keen to find a method using the patients’ own cells to give them the same defence, hence the study carried out by researchers at University of Pennsylvania. Further clinical trials involving a larger cohort of patients will determine whether the technique of genetic engineering to cure HIV patients is both safe and powerful enough to replace antiretroviral drug treatment in the long term.

Join the dots...

16 14

19 18

13 30

6 8

7 26

29 22

27 21

25 20

22 26

14 17

6 5

27 23

13 2 3

8 10

18 9

4 6 3

14 15

21 20

4 8

1 5

...and follow the instuctions

Monday 24th March 2014

bathimpact

Science

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Tho’ Nature, red in tooth and claw D

awn breaks over the Kalahari Desert, filtering through the ragged branches of a nearby Acacia tree. A group of little faces greats the dawn, the face of the cheeky and amiable meerkat. A clan of 20, leaving the warm security of their underground burrow for the blinding sunlight outside. The odd stoic sentry surveys their surroundings, standing on hind legs, stretching high as they might, all the better to spot danger. A raptor alights menacingly on a nearby tree; one of the sentries emits a short, sharp bark. The clan freezes – it’s not a call to flee, but a warning: they are too close to their burrows. They stand upright and stare, gaze fixed until the predator lofts itself into the air, and soars towards the sunrise. Now the danger has abated, the clan gets down to the very important task of foraging. The Kalahari is a forlorn place, with sand blowing in the wind and coarse grass scratching the passing meerkats as they sniff out their underground prey. A male crunches on a scorpion, first removing the venomous sting before wolfing it down voraciously. A youngster watches intently as a tutor drags a millipede through the sand, pawing it this way and that to remove the distasteful chemicals that cover its

scaly exterior. Soon it will be her turn to hunt, as her lessons are drawing to a close. However, the peace is short lived, as a cry goes up from a sentry. Another clan has strayed into their territory and must be stopped! Tails jump to attention as the clan springs into action and charges their rivals. The peaceful foraging trip has turned into a skirmish as they drive their opponents back into the grass. Silence returns to the Kalahari, and the victorious clan returns home, back to their burrows for a round of grooming. Predators and rivals are not the only threat in the desert; parasites lurk at every turn and grooming helps to keep each member healthy, whilst reinforcing social bonds. The eagle eyed observer might notice that some groom more than others. Skinny, nervous females frantically dart from one meerkat to another, grooming incessantly whilst a big, overbearing female receives a lavishing of attention. This dominant female spots a pair of her sisters acting strangely: they hang back from the clan, sharing furtive glances. She lumbers to her feet and marches across the warm desert sands to where they sit. They try to ﬂee, scurrying towards a nearby burrow, but the dominant female is too fast and pins one to the ground, nipping and biting in a savage frenzy. Finally, desperately the subordinate female escapes and ﬂees

into the desert. The beating left only minor wounds, but within her endocrine system, adrenal hormones become elevated, and the young she was carrying inside her are now in grave danger. She will return to the clan soon, but her young will not: the raised hormones likely mean that she will give birth to still born offspring. The evening sun hangs red in the sky, an omen of violence to come as the dominant female stalks her other sister. She tracks her to an outlying burrow, and stops to sniff the air. Her

hackles raise, and she darts down the hole. Her sibling has given birth to a litter. This cannot be tolerated; other pups will take valuable care away from the young she herself is carrying. Her subordinate sister watches from beyond a blackthorn bush, and turns away as an engorged female exits the burrow, her crimson muzzle catching the last of the sun’s rays. When we look at the beauty and diversity of life around us, it is easy to forget about the struggles and turmoil that permeate nature. Whilst

cooperation is rife, so is conﬂict, and no species demonstrates this better than meerkats. They are one of the few non-primate species to actively engage in teaching, but they also are one of many species that engage in infanticide. Alfred Tennyson put it best: Who trusted God was love indeed/And love Creation’s ﬁnal law/ Tho’ Nature, red in tooth and claw/ With ravine, shriek’d against his creed”

Dan Taylor

Harry Hornsby bathimpact Contributor

Prof Science - Ageing and ancient Dinosaur scientists may be old, but not as old as the planet itself

In comparison to the universe, Earth is a youngster. Scientists believe the universe is around 14 billion years old, bearing in mind that the age of the universe is understood as the time elapsed since the Big Bang. This has been obtained by the agreement of a number of scientific projects, including microwave background radiation measurements by the Planck satellite. This analysis measures the cosmic microwave background (CMB) radiation assumed to be left over from the Big Bang - the oldest light in the universe. CMB can be observed with a radio telescope and appears as a faint glow almost uniform in all directions and not associated with any star, galaxy or other object. If examined closer, it shows tiny fluctuations that represent temperature fluctuations corresponding to areas of differing densities which went on to form the stars and galaxies we see today. As for the planet we live on, people around the world have

rock is more ‘modern’, less than a few hundred million years old. Plate tectonics constantly reshape the surface, melting old rocks and forming new layers. What about the oldest things on Earth, other than rocks? As a 154 million year old Diplodocus I can certainly say that age is a fascinating thing. There are plants and animals that are said to be biologically immortal. Unlike humans, the rate of mortality in these species does not increase after maturity. For some species, the risk of death actually decreases as they grow older. This includes lobsters for example. They just do not age. Some species of beetles and jelly fish are able to regress back to a larval state and regrow into adults multiple times in their life-span. Some single-cell organisms, such as bacteria and hydras, or cells within the human body, such as stem cells, can be considered biologically immortal as they create ‘rejuvenated’ copies of themselves when dividing. Siberian actinobacteria living in the permafrost soil have been suggested to be between 400,000 and 600,000 years old. Another way of enabling longevity is to lay dormant over times of hardship. Bacterial spores have been brought back to life after being captured in salt for 34,000 years. The oldest living plant on Earth

various views on the age of the Earth, based on religious or scientific grounds. For example, according to the Bible the Earth is around 6000 years old. According to scientific dating methods the Earth is a little bit older, as it dates back to 4.5 billion years ago. Recently scientists have been able to confirm this by dating what is believed to be the Earth’s oldest piece of continental crust. This rock was found in the Australian Jack Hills and is made of zircon crystals, which incorporate uranium during their formation. This forms the basis of radiometric dating methods. Over time, uranium decays at a predictable unchanging rate to form lead; measuring the ratio between uranium and lead in a rock sample will give an indication of the zircon’s age. To date the rock from the Jack Hills, researchers shaved off tiny fragments of the zircon containing about 50 atoms each and dated the lead atoms to 4.37 billion years old, give or take 6 million years. The analysis points to the earliest crust cooling from a planet-wide lava ocean only 100 million years after the Earth had formed. This lava ocean most likely came into existence in the astronomical collision with a Mars-sized body that created the moon. These really old rocks are very rare. Most of the planet’s surface

is currently considered to be a patch of seagrass in the Mediterranean Sea, dating up to 200,000 years old. One of oldest living trees is a Great Basin bristlecone pine in the White Mountains, USA, at 5063 years old. Ancient trees are fascinating in that they record natural and human events in history, some clearly visible as marks and scars in the bark. This is overshadowed by clonal quaking aspen with a root system that is 80,000 years old. This clonal colony covers 106 acres and includes 40,000 stems that are all geneti-

cally identical males growing from a single root system. The oldest living person is currently Misao Okawa, a 116 year-old woman from Japan. She has got to beat 122 years and 164 days, which is the record of the longest lived person on to date, Jeanne Calment from France. It also seems that people have always had a sense of good humour. Apparently the oldest joke dates back to 1900 BC and goes: “Something which has never occurred since the time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap”.

Poppy Peake

ear Professor Science, How old are Planet Earth and all its inhabitants? - Todd

Monday 24th March 2014

bathimpact

World

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Flagging up identity conundrums F

War of 1899 where it was used as an insignia. There is a precedent for Commonwealth nations changing their flags’ design: Canada changed its flag in 1965 to remove the Union Flag from it and opted instead for the new design featuring the maple leaf. The red of the flag symbolises the sacrifice of Canada’s soldiers and the white represents the peace and tranquillity of their people and lands. The message of a flag can also be one of hope. After the end of apartheid, South Africa’s government also decided to change their flag. They wanted an ensign that showed what they dreamt the new era of their country to be, and thus they chose a Y-shaped fork to signify the convergence of races and cultures into one nation. Despite their intention as a focus for patriotism and national pride, flags can also divide us. Throughout the world people raise flags to find out who their friends are, but also to define themselves against their enemies. In the last week Barack Obama has expressed his disappointment about the breakdown of peace talks in Northern Ireland. One particular focus of these talks was the use of flags. The Union Flag is the only officially recognised flag of Northern Ireland, however if you flew it in certain streets you’d find it hard to make friends. In loyalist estates they will

exclusively fly the Union Flag or the Red Hand of Ulster; whilst in Republican neighbourhoods you will only see the Irish tricolour. Two years ago the republican-led council of Belfast decided to only fly the Union Flag on certain days, which led to weeks of widespread protests and riots by unionists. Flags play a key role in the politics of Northern Ireland: you may even sometimes see republicans flying the Palestinian flag as a sign of solidarity with another oppressed

minority. You may also see the loyalist’s response to this; the flying of Israeli flags in the streets of Belfast. The use of flags has sometimes drifted from the ridiculous to the surreal. The Jewish Chronicle reported “Jews may be waving a Palestinian flag at a demonstration on Sunday — while the Israeli flag will be displayed by a group of fascists,” making reference to how the anti-Muslim EDL want to use the Israeli flag to provoke and offend Muslims because they

believe it represents “anti-Muslim behaviour.” The Israeli ambassador said “Israel’s flag is a symbol of the 2000 year struggle of the Jewish people against racism” and that he finds it strange that an ‘extremist’ group would rally behind it. Despite the sometime absurd use of flags they can still be a simple but powerful statement. In a climate of international territorial disputes, their symbolism is more important than ever.

Tony

Mike Szweda bathimpact Contributor lags play a major part in our lives. They are what we lay over fallen soldiers in times of mourning and what we wave in times of celebration. Flags unite people as much as they divide them. They play a key role in a nation’s identity and this is why New Zealand have recently called for a referendum on their flag. New Zealand’s flag is blue with four stars representing the constellation of Crux and a Union Jack in the top left corner. It is with this final part that some New Zealanders take issue. They see the Union Flag as a reminder of Britain’s former dominion over New Zealand. During the time of the British Empire, most colonies’ banners would have the Union Jack in their top left corner, but after independence most decided to remove it. As of 1990, when Hong Kong changed its flag during the transfer of sovereignty, the Union Flag remains on 12 flags throughout the world. Some New Zealanders believes that having once been ruled by the British should not be part of their national identity and wish to change the flag to something more representative. One suggestion is the silver fern seen on the All Blacks’ rugby kit. The silver fern has been used by New Zealand ever since the South African

It has been suggested that New Zealand adopt the All Blacks’ silver fern instead of its current flag

Monday 24th March 2014

bathimpact

World

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Virginia sodomy law controversy Jessica Walsh bathimpact Contributor

4th US Circuit Court of Appeals. A Supreme Court decision, made during the Lawrence v. Texas case in 2003, ruled that “statutes criminalizing private acts of consensual sodomy between adults are inconsistent with the protections of liberty” which are laid out in the Fourteenth Amendment of the US Constitution, making the law unconstitutional. Under the proposed bill, oral and anal sexual acts would be considered legal provided that “all persons participating are adults, are not in a public place, and are not committing, attempting to commit, conspir-

Waldo Jaquith

nti-sodomy laws nowadays sound archaic and outdated; many people probably wouldn’t even be able to define sodomy if asked. What most people don’t seem to realise is that anti-sodomy laws in America are nowhere near as uncommon as they might seem, despite being ruled unconstitutional. In fact, Republican Senator Thomas Garret is at the forefront of a campaign to re-enact anti-sodomy laws in the US State of Virginia. Proposed Senate Bill 14 would criminal-

ise public acts of oral and anal sex for minors under the age of 18, whilst public vaginal intercourse would not be classed as a felony. The bill is based on reinstating many provisions of Virginia’s ‘Crimes Against Nature’ law. The law criminalised acts of sodomy and oral sex between consenting adults, stating that either act constituted a Class Six felony and therefore people found guilty would be punishable with a prison sentence of no less than one year and no more than five. However, the law was recently struck down by a three judge panel from the

The Crimes Against Nature law revisions are currently being debated in Virginia State Senate

ing to commit, aiding, or abetting any act in furtherance of prostitution”. However, the proposed bill continues to “restore felony penalties for minors engaging in oral sex and treat public sodomy differently from other public sex acts” according to Think Progress. This means that an individual under the age of 18 who commits sodomy or oral sex in public would be punishable under a Class 6 felony and therefore a prison sentence of up to 5 years. In contrast, a minor engaging in vaginal sex would simply be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanour, punishable by up to 12 months in jail. So what exactly would be the implications if Senate Bill 14 was passed? Many LGBT groups and pro-gay activists are rallying strongly against the bill on the basis that it allegedly supports homophobia and discriminates against homosexual individuals. Claire Guthrie Gastañaga, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia, stated that the Union “would oppose it, unequivocally, because it leaves in place discriminatory treatment and doesn’t address the underlying problem that LGBT people are treated differently than folks that have other kinds of sex”. Gregory Nevins, an attorney for Lambda Legal, argued that “the cynical explanation of why these laws are still around is that it keeps members of the LGBT

community in their place”. Despite sodomy laws also legislating sex acts between heterosexual couples, they have most often been used to discriminate unfairly against members of the LGBT community. In 2008 in North Carolina, Nelson Sloan and Ryan Flynn were arrested under ‘Crimes Against Nature’ laws similar to those in Virginia for engaging in consensual, private homosexual sex. Sloan stated that he had “never been so humiliated” in all his life and that anti-sodomy laws are clearly targeted at the homosexual community. Despite claims that the bill is not specifically homophobic, the previous Virginian Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli has been quoted stating that homosexual acts are “intrinsically wrong” and that “in a natural law-based country it’s appropriate to have policies that reflect that”. The Virginian State is currently involved in a 60-day legislative session where the bill is being considered by the Senate’s Court of Justice. To pass into law it would have to pass through three readings where amendments may be suggested in both the Senate and the House of Delegates. The law can then be enacted by the General Assembly of Virginia after being signed by the Governor of Virginia. Gastañaga has however stated that she believes the bill will not pass due to its discriminatory nature.

Monday 24th March 2014

bathimpact

Activities

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Rosario Lidia Maguey Peña

BUDS bloom

PhotoSoc winner Rosario Lidia Maguey Peña’s entry, taken on Canon Kiss X3 18mm f 1/3.5 sp 1/2000

Freddy’s Activities Officer campaign Freddy Clapson Activities Officer Elect “You don’t have any competition: you’ve got it easy!” These are words I heard a lot during the election campaign: from other candidates, friends, engaged students, slightly drunk freshers - the list goes on. You can understand the idea: you’re the only one standing in an election, so people will just assume that you’ve already won and you don’t need to campaign. But this is not the case because we have a re-open nominations (R.O.N.) option on ALL the ballot sheets. Regardless of who you are standing against, and how many opponents you have (if any at all in my case), you have to prove you aren’t incompetent enough to make people go through the process of actually reopening the elections. Incidentally, this is why the elections are held before people find out their exam results because the SU have to allow enough time to run a second election if the circumstances demand it. It is easy to think that being the only candidate is the easiest election of all, and may lead people into a false sense of security, but that just isn’t true. You really have to earn your place and prove why you wanted to stand in the first place. Because of this, potential voters gain the belief that they can attack you simply for being the only one standing, which is clearly not the fault of the candidate. You may have seen the ‘vote R.O.N. potato’ page during my election, and I can only assume that the people behind the page don’t seem to like me too much. All of the candidates have to go through the ritual beating provided by the anonymous ‘Election Spy’ team, which the candidates ‘gleefully’ anticipate, we all know we’ll get a systematic going-over and no-one will be missed out. However when you’re the only one standing there is no-one to share

the attention with, so you get no break from the slaughter and the whole thing is really rather intense. The best way to describe being a candidate is to imagine you’re in a job interview that lasts two weeks and the interviewers are really trying to trip you up: “Why don’t other people stand for Activities Officer?” was a great one, I don’t know! Ask anyone who isn’t standing. This was particularly true in my Questions 2 Candidates, as it felt more like an interrogation of why I stood as a candidate rather than a debate on my policies. It’s easy to see this as a rant (which is true in all honesty) but I don’t want this to be a reason that discourages people from standing for an SU Officer position. As intense as those 2 weeks were, and there are times you just want to hide away in a darkened room with a bottle of Glenfiddich and not speak to anyone for 3 days, you get to speak to so many new people and experience so many new things that you weren’t even aware of. I tried Pole Dancing and I think I might still have some bruises from it! From my experience at Bath the majority of societies go relatively unnoticed, and I stood to help those societies get seen more on campus and become even better. A couple of examples are the Model UN and Enactus. The Model UN society discuss different topics in international politics and had their own conference at the beginning of March. It looked awesome!! But I didn’t hear about it until it was too late to sign up. Enactus, the social enterprise society (that I’ve been on the committee of for 2 years), works with the City of Bath College and local charities and community shops to help create meaningful impact to people in need and the local community. No-one really knows who Enactus are or what we do but every mem-

ber we have has said “Why didn’t we hear about this sooner?” When I tell people about Enactus, their response is of awe at what we do and genuine excitement to get involved. But it’s ok, if I have my way you’ll be hearing from Enactus a lot more next year.

Joe Turnbull bathimpact Contributor What a year it has been so far for Bath University Debating Society! Record membership, collaborations with University departments, guest debates and fantastic socials, as well as the usual weekly meetings and competitions have all added up to deliver one of the best experiences for our members of any society on campus; and as usual debating has provided our members with invaluable skills that have set them up for the rest of their lives, helping throughout university study, job applications and work placements. The year so far has seen a huge amount of fascinating topics that have come up for debate. With ongoing crises in Ukraine and Syria, domestic issues of government policy, and wider issues of equality and welfare there has not been a week without an interesting topic up for discussion. This is something that will only continue in the run up to the European elections, Scottish independence referendum and the 2015 General Election. Back in November we held a fantastic guest debate on the monarchy, with speakers Jacob Rees-Mogg MP and Graham Smith, the CEO of antimonarchy group Republic. With a great turnout and excellent questions from the floor, as well as a riveting

discussion, this was without doubt one of the most successful events of its kind put on by the society. Debating is not just something that we do here at Bath; competitions take place all over the UK and the world. With Bath teams improving every time, we are increasingly moving up the tab sheets (debating scores) and have seen the rise of some hugely talented debaters that will go on to great things. To complement this we will be sending a team to Zagreb in August for the European Universities Debating Championships, where they will compete with top universities from all over the continent. It’s set to be a fantastic week of debates! Of course no society at Bath would be complete without some great socials: our events, including pub quizzes at the Westgate and our session at The Bell, have been hugely enjoyable. To finish the year off we will have our Second Annual Awards Evening taking place very soon, an evening of good food, socialising and of course awards! It is with all of this that Bath University Debating Society can once again say it has had another hugely successful year, and it isn’t even over yet. Interested? Come join us every Thursday at 6.15pm, in CB 1.12, until the end of the semester.

A F@Bulous agenda Caitlin Leverett bathimpact Contributor The University of Bath’s RAG Fundraising Society are proud to be hosting this year’s ninth annual Charity Fashion Show, and this year we want it to be bigger, better, and even more F@Bulous than ever before! We have an incredible line up of designers, from your favourite high street brands such as Jack Wills and Jigsaw, to some of Bath’s very own boutiques like JoY and Instant Vintage. We’ve even got some new faces to show you, with up and coming designers like Emma Warren’s jewellery line, which recently appeared on ASOS Marketplace. And let’s not for-

get our set of gorgeous guys and girls who will be modelling all of these looks on the catwalk and showcasing some of the finest talent from around campus, as we’re sure you’ll agree! In keeping with the success of previous years we’re preparing the stage at the stunning Bath Assembly Rooms, the perfect setting to host a fabulous night of fashion. The theme for this year is Secret Garden – think florals, pastels and an element of surprise. And of course, the whole night is in aid of RAG’s Big Four charities – Julian House, Sense, Bath Mind and Teenage Cancer Trust. These do some incredible work in our local community and it means a lot to us

to give back to them. It really is a fantastic cause and a great way to help them - who knew fashion and fundraising could go together so well? So get planning your outfit for the night and buy your tickets, they’re selling fast! Tickets are available through BathStudent for £12 each or 3 for £30 and include the show, a fantastic line up of music and dance acts, goodie bags, a raffle and reduced entry to our exclusive after party at Weir Lounge. See you on the 3rd April fashionistas! Tickets are available at: http://www.bathstudent.com/ fashion2014/

Monday 24th March 2014

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Sport

Thomas George Brady impactsport Contributor his weekend sees the raising of the curtain on another season of F1, on the narrow twists and turns of the historic Albert Park circuit in Melbourne. The hopes of most fans are pinned upon this year being less dull and predictable than last, in which drivers scrapped over the honour of finishing second to Sebastian Vettel and his seemingly unbeatable Red Bull. The precocious German and his team have endured a woeful testing season though, with rule changes playing havoc with their preparations. Not so for his rivals, with McLaren, Mercedes and Ferrari all looking strong. The stage is set, then, for an exciting few months of racing. Let’s take a look at the contenders and

Paul Williams

New rules, new cars, new winner? assess their chances. Lewis Hamilton looks a good deal more comfortable at Mercedes than he did in his last season at McLaren, seeming to have recovered his resolve and focus, and eliminating the errors and accidents which had begun to creep into his driving. The team have had an impressive preseason, and the combination of a fast car in the hands of one of the outright quickest men on the grid simply has to mean that Hamilton starts the season as one of the favourites. His team mate, Nico Rosberg, is unlikely to challenge for the title, but don’t be surprised if he wins a race or two. Staying with the Brits, for me Jenson Button and the McLaren team have been the standout performers of the testing period, partly because their speed marks an as-

Paul Williams

Will this year be a break from the monotony of last year; will Vettel be as unstoppable as before? tonishing turnaround from their this year will be Jenson’s best op- 15 pints. However, whilst the Ferraabysmal performances last year. portunity to add to the World ri looks competitive, it doesn’t seem Additionally, the rule changes may Championship he won in 2009. to quite have the outright speed of suit Button’s driving style; with inMuch of the talk ahead of the the McLaren or Mercedes cars. creased tyre wear his smooth and first race has centred around FerWhich brings us to Red Bull. precise technique is likely to pay rari, with Fernando Alonso and The year certainly not a write off, dividends. For this reason, I think Kimi Raikkonen teaming up in because they are more than capawhat is, in my view, the strongest ble of developing a car which can driver pairing of the last decade. win races; it just won’t start off that Commentators have built this up way. Personally I’ll be interested to to be a titanic battle for supremacy see how Sebastian Vettel copes with which could well end in tears, but having other cars in front of him, somehow I don’t think this will be maybe having to overtake every the case. Alonso has established now and then. himself as the team leader, on the Predictions are usually foolish back of a string of consecutive sea- and turn out to be wrong, but I’m sons in which he has admirably going to make some anyway. Hamout-driven the cars with which he ilton to win the Driver’s Champihas been supplied. Raikkonen is onship, with Alonso, Button and arguably the most naturally gifted Raikkonen close behind. Ferrari to driver on the grid, and, crucially win the Constructor’s with the conhis temperament is not likely to sistent podium finishes of both its upset anyone at the team; his usual drivers. Vettel to win a race in the reaction to a disappointing race is second half of the season. Now all to shrug, mumble something like that’s left to do is watch the action Will this year be the one for Button to add another world championship to his win in 2009? ‘’that’s life’’, and then go and drink unfold.

Unpredictable and fun is the game W

and thrill the shortest format of cricket always provides enough to guarantee large ground and TV audiences. Flat subcontinent pitches can often lead to drab test matches, but for T20 games, with the onus on big hitting and quick scoring, no such worries arise. Bangladesh’s close proximity to cricket powerhouses India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, all of whom have very exuberant fans ensures the atmosphere at all matches should be electric too. T20 is known for unpredictably, and with the four previous tournaments have seen four different

winners, this year’s edition is once again hard to call. Australia are favourites with the bookmakers, but have only reached one of the previous four finals, which they lost to England (yes, really!), whilst the West Indies head in as defending champions and Sri Lanka enter as the world’s number 1 ranked T20 team. On similar pitches to their own, India and Pakistan must fancy their chances too. The time, the event has been extended to 16 teams compared to the usual 10, increasing the number of associate and affiliate nations taking part. The eight ‘smaller’ teams

will compete in two groups of four, with the two group winners joining the eight major cricketing nations in the ‘Super 10’ stage. Once again, the teams will be split into two groups, with the first and second placed in each qualifying for the semi-finals. This expansion can only be a good thing as the game aims to branch out to new locations and means Nepal, Hong Kong and UAE will all be making their debuts at an international cricket tournament. Whilst the minnows may have no chance of overall glory, huge upsets have been seen at every tour-

nament. At the first World T20, Zimbabwe stunned Australia with a 5-wicket win, and in their only appearance to date in 2009, the Netherlands recorded a dramatic last ball victory over England. So if you’re thinking of having a small bet on the tournament, my advice is, don’t! Just sit back, relax and enjoy what promises to be a highly unpredictable but highly entertaining tournament once again. But most importantly, make sure you watch, because whilst the purist won’t agree, for drama and entertainment, T20 is cricket at its best. Adam Jones

Michael Powell impactsport Contributor hen deciding on a location to host a World Cup, Bangladesh isn’t usually the first to spring to mind. But the world’s 8th most populous nation is where the fifth ICC World Twenty20 is currently being staged. Cricket’s governing bodies are relatively limited for choice with the 10 ICC members providing the only realistic hosts, so the decision isn’t as surprising as it first sounds. Additionally, location is only a minor factor when such a tournament comes around, with the excitement

Monday 24th March 2014

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Sport

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Duncan Hill

David Moyes, the great defiler Sam Leveridge impactsport Contributor

After a poor season, can Manchester United hope to reclaim their once intimidating name? July, leaving little time to prepare season title hopes, and even more A home game for Manchester for a vital transfer window. worrying was the home loss to United against Liverpool has been The fixture list wasn’t kind to West Brom, and although a win a highlight in the fixture list for Moyes, giving him a tough list in- over Arsenal quieted the discon- many years now, but it’s not very cluding Liverpool away and Chel- tent, United were lucky to get often that Liverpool ever came sea at Old Trafford within two draws with Southampton, Cardiff away with the three points. The fixweeks of the start of the season. and Tottenham, while their Cham- ture this season was a painful one A Community Shield win over pions League form wasn’t much for United fans, as United looked Wigan at Wembley was a good better, after struggling away from woeful and hopeless, conceding confidence booster, but it was a home. three penalties, and it easily could game that United would always be Consecutive home losses in De- have been four had Mark Clattenexpected to win. The initial signs cember, this time to Everton and berg given a penalty for Michael were not overly worrying, securing Newcastle United, were even more Carrick’s tackle on Daniel Stura convincing 4-1 win on his Pre- worrying as they left United twelve ridge, and David de Gea’s wonder mier League debut as United boss points off top of the table, and ru- save from Luis Suarez prevented against a strong Swansea side. A mours of dressing room problems a humiliation in what could easily 0-0 draw at home to Chelsea in emerged, such as Robin Van Persie have been a five or six goal defeat, his first home game was a real test, wanting out. when Liverpool weren’t even playbut Moyes looked up to the tactical January was no improvement, ing especially well. challenge provided by Jose Mour- with only three wins out of seven, Rumours are now circulating of inho. despite the impressive arrival of a fall out between David Moyes and Defeats to Liverpool and Man- Juan Mata, in a deal that many Ryan Giggs, with Giggs reportedly chester City dented their early considered to be a turning point in skipping a coaches meeting claimthe Red Devil’s season. ing that “Moyes never listens.” Mata didn’t provide the spark Moyes was brave in putting tothat the club needed, with Tot- gether the coaching staff that he tenham and Chelsea securing con- chose, getting rid of Ferguson’s vincing wins against United in the staff, and instead bringing in a league, while Swansea knocked raft of his ex-Everton staff and exthem out of the FA Cup at Old United players, such as Phil NevTrafford and Sunderland won the ille, Nicky Butt and Ryan Giggs. League Cup semi-final on penal- Lacking experience and expertise, ties at Old Trafford too. Clearly the it could be easy to see why United’s Theatre of Dreams has lost its fear players look demotivated in their factor. big games this season, and Moyes Even now, the last month has looks less and less in control with seen defeats to Stoke and more every game. worryingly, Olympiacos, in the Moyes’ open letter to fans Champions League last 16, and promising an improvement in with the second leg set to be played form was a good gesture, but it is by the time you will be reading hard to see how the Scotsman can this, it could have a real impact on make any radical changes until the the support of the board for Moy- summer, and although the current es. The defeat to Olympiacos was rumours suggest he is planning a described by many as the worst real revamp of the squad, it will be United display for years, and it a big gamble for him. was easy to see why. With a numIt’s been proved that he strugber of big names in poor form and gles to attract some of the bigger a squad full of dead wood, Moyes names, but with the presence of does not have an enviable task on Rooney, Mata, etc. Moyes will be his hands, but the abject perfor- hoping to bring in some big names mances against such poor quality to turn the club around, although sides as teams which are strug- to do that, he will need the support gling to pick up points themselves of the board, which appears to be this season, has really proved an waning with every defeat, and it’s issue for them. not hard to see why. Eddie Lennon

ver since David Moyes was chosen as the successor to Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United, there have been doubts. Of course, it would never be easy to replace one of football’s best ever managers, but for a manager with very little European experience and no real reputation on an international scale, the task was even tougher. By signing a six year contract, Moyes clearly had the support of the board and his club, and things didn’t start off too badly for the Scot. The transfer window was the first sign of concern, as United failed to attract the top quality players that their fans have become accustomed to, without the reputation of Sir Alex to attract them. As well as missing out on the likes of Leighton Baines, Ander Herrera and Cesc Fabregas, a last minute move for Fabio Coentrao was blocked by his club, and the summer window went from bad to worse as Arsenal signed Mesut Ozil, Chelsea signed Willian, Manchester City signed Fernandinho, Navas, Negredo, Jovetic and more, and Liverpool signed Sakho and Mignolet. The last minute deal for Marouane Fellaini seemed desperate enough, but when you consider that Moyes paid £27.5 million for him, an over inflated price, and £4 million above his release clause which expired at the end of July, United’s summer dealings seem even stranger. Whether this was Moyes’ fault or the blame lies with chief executive Ed Woodward is unknown, but many lay the blame on Moyes refusing to leave Everton to work for Manchester United before 1st

Morton’s Mumbles & Moans I decided to try a new sport experience last week, so I took the trek to the bouldering centre in Bristol (which is an absolute mission to get to from the train station) which was almost a day’s worth of moving for fitness purposes in itself, but I decided that after too much money spent on a train ticket just to go to Bristol and the trudge from the station, I was definitely going to give it a go at least. The day started off pretty shockingly, with me waking up at like, nine, as I’d fallen asleep at 10 the night before. (A Friday, woo, party on) After this, I formulated my plan whilst sat on the loo and made the appropriate movements to secure a buddy to go with so I didn’t look like a loser. After this had all gone swimmingly, I banged my hand on the kitchen door handle so hard, directly on the vein, that I couldn’t bend my middle finger all day, which apparently is quite debilitating to someone who is going to go climbing. When I finally got there, with the absolute minimum amount of thought possible, I jumped straight in. This proved to be the wrong approach, as for three days after this little jaunt, all of my upper body was in significant pain. My mocking glance at the “stretching only” zone came rushing back to me, as I could barely bend my arm for the duration of the entire agonising three days afterwards. But never mind that; more importantly, bouldering is an incredibly awesome. I’m not sure if it’s a sport, but darts is technically a sport, so the rules on what a sport is are clearly pretty slack, so I’ll allow for it to be a sport for the purposes of this column, just in case I refer to it as such in the future or in the past. Whatever it is, I recommend having a go at it; it was pretty cheap, and you doesn’t need to know anything about all that fiddly rope shit that you have to learn and get qualifications for when rope climbing. Just jump on the wall and start climbing. I felt pretty great after a little bit, and felt pretty adept for how little time I’d spent doing it until I saw two girls half my age doing the most intricate moves, and putting me quite to shame. Oh well, I guess if I keep going, I’ll get better… well, that’s the plan at least. I should probably join the bouldering club or something. Signing off now, as I’ve run out of space. Cheerio, next issue will be my last, so if I’ve been shit, you won’t have to put up with me for much longer!

Monday 24th March 2014

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Sport

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Pedro Gomes

Disability Sports Day continued

Pedro Gomes

Continued from back page; ...putting 100 per cent effort into the wheelchair basketball, and helping lead blindfolded people through obstacles in the blind running, which took place in the STV’s inside sprint track. The day came off as a success, with everyone who took part enjoying themselves, each putting droves of energy into each event. Ben sees the future of disabled sport as positive, and as long as people run events such as this and do as he does: “from my point of view, I just try to portray disability on a really positive light,” the future looks bright for disability sport.

ews came in the last few weeks from the England football camp that Roy Hodgson, the first team manager, was considering using a sports psychologist to help his players prepare for penalties in anticipation of looming shootouts in the upcoming World Cup in Brazil. He has recruited Dr Steve Peters, psychiatrist to Team Sky cyclists and Liverpool FC and Ronnie O’Sullivan for this position, after initially telling the media of his intentions to take Dave Reddin, a former rugby union winning coach famed for helping Jonny Wilkinson, with him on the flight to Rio as part of his backroom staff. Dr Steve Peters, although not a qualified psychologist as such, does have experience working with top athletes, and was described by Victoria Pendleton as ‘the most important person’ in her career, which demonstrates how highly he is regarded in the sporting world. His role will be to help the players mentally prepare for all

aspects of the game, not just taking penalties. Does Hodgson have good reason for putting this into action? Well, penalties have ended England’s campaign in 6 of the last 10 major tournaments, and all who support England know they are our biggest banana skin (even more than Rob Green’s goalkeeping gloves). Almost as soon as the whistle blows on extra time, England fans know they are in for ten minutes of torture, ultimately ending in despair- as Ashley Cole blasts a shot over the bar yet again. In fact, it’s a mystery as to why no previous manager has considered doing this before. The job of a psychologist in this case would be to help the players deal effectively with the pressure of such an intense situation where so much rests on that one kick of the ball. As a psychology student myself, I am grateful for Hodgson’s recognition of the profession and the applications it can have to *cough* life and death*cough* issues of utmost importance... Whatever, so England can’t

take penalties. It’s a well-known fact and main reason for German gloating. But it defies belief that the majority of the England team can score penalty after penalty for their domestic clubs (see Lampard, Gerrard, Rooney etc.) yet once they put that shirt with the Three Lions on, their legs turn to jelly and they can’t remember not to aim for the keeper. Therefore, how the introduction of one man to give the players a motivational pep-talk is going to help them once they’re facing that penalty is unclear. Factor in the eyes of thousands in the stadium plus millions anxiously watching them on TV screens and it would be hard for anyone to not feel like they’re going to shit themselves with nerves. You can preach until you’re blue about staying calm, thinking positively and blocking everyone else out but when it comes down to it, it’s just the player, the ball and the goal. Much of penalty taking I think is just luck anyway: if you’re playing England, you’re lucky because you’re probably going to win.

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Emily Carter impactsport Contributor

Bath SU

Can Roy cure the poor penalties?

Roy Hodgson may just be clutching at straws, but it’s worth a try

impactsport Monday 24th March 2014

Connor Morton impactsport Editor ednesday the 19th saw collections of students, along with disabled members of the local community participate in a multitude of disability sports, in order to raise general awareness of disability sport. The day, organised by Sports Ofﬁcer Tom Janicot, and endorsed and participated in by Ben Rushgrove, Paralympic medallist, had six different events, which were wheelchair basketball, sitting Volleyball, visually impaired tennis, adaptive rowing, blind running and blind football, all taking place on the University’s campus, in the Founder’s Hall and the Sports Training Village. All the sports were non-competitive, and played in a friendly spirit, in keeping with the general aura of the day. Ben Rushgrove, a Paralympic sprinter who received a silver medal in the T36 100m in the 2008 Beijing Paralympics, and claimed bronze at the 2012 London Paralympics, has become an advocate for events such as these, saying “it’s really important for events like this take place so that everybody else can get involved and see it in action.” And developing the point further, speciﬁcally addressing it towards universities, that “a lot of the people you see

Pedro Gomes

Bath’s Disability Sports Day

Inside impactsport The new season of formula one is off to a start impactsport Contributor Thomas George Brady takes a look a the prospects for each driver in the up coming tournament, Page 21 has the full story

The Cricket World Cup is as fun as it is mad impactsport Contributor Michael Powell talks about the Bangladeshi based ICC world cup and introduces it, Turn to page 21 to read it all

How does one ﬁll the largest shoes ever left behind? Ben Rushgrove, British medallist in the Beijing and London Paralympics, joined in with the fun in this university doing coaching professionals; and so if we can ex- sport.” Ben himself participated in the courses or sports performance de- pose them to disability sport then grees and so on, they’re the future we’ve got a real chance of getting sports... Continues on page 23 teachers and the future of sporting more acceptance of disability in

impactsport Contributor Sam Leveridge runs through David Moyes’ season as the successor of Sir Alex Ferguson,. Turn to page 22 for more

Why columnists should watch sport impactsport Editor Connor McGregor Morton takes a look at bouldering, it may not be a sport but there we go, page 22 has the full column

Penalties are the bane of England’s football impactsport Contributor Emily Carter discusses England’s poor penalty form, and Roy Hodsgson’s plan to improve, page 23 has the full story

Get involved

If you are interested in sport and want to contribute, then contact impactsport Editor Connor McGregor Morton (impactsport@bath.ac.uk) to find out more details about how you can get involved. We’re always looking for writers, photographers, people to take part, or just all round sports buffs to help out. So, if you have a story you want to share, don’t be afraid to get in touch!

bite that shape

Monday 24th March 2014

bite facebook.com/bathimpact If you haven’t seen the parody of the ‘ﬁrst kiss’ video (which you all saw) type ﬁrst shit into Youtube and ENJOY. Also read Tom Gane’s article on Page 7, it’s great

Triangles I am the Avalanche Album of the biweek

Vinnie Caruana’s ‘I am the Avalanche’ ﬁnally unveiled their long awaited third oﬀering this week. The former Movielife singer says that this record is them ‘growing up’ and it shows. First single The Shape I’m In is instantly a stand out track, and Young Kerouacs is a massive leap forward lyrically. Punk’s not dead yet. They come to the UK for a short run in May. Dark Souls 2 Game of the biweek

Dark Souls 2 is the sequel to the critically acclaimed title Dark souls 1 (surprise surprise) the franchise is seen as a step away from current trends in computer gaming, offering instead a nigh on impossible controller smashing experience. This is deﬁantly a title to check out if you love a diﬃcult yet rewarding game… one not to miss.

Clams have pretty much got the whole immortality thing down and we have no idea how. If you’ve been knocking about for hundreds of years you’re bound to have some great stories to tell. In 2007, Ming the Clam was discovered oﬀ the coast of Iceland and was estimated to be 507 years old. Unfortunately the bungling fools at Bangor University managed to kill it whilst trying to ﬁgure out how old it was. I dedicate this piece to the memory of Ming the Clam. Gone but not forgotten.

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6/10

Joe Rawlinson

Mollusc of the biweek

his week’s issue of bite has the loose theme of triangles, but I only told Simon Rushton, so don’t be confused about that. I am surprised he actually managed to come up with an article actually. Last year we had an issue all about ‘green’ and that was just an idea oﬀ the top of my head. At the time I wasn’t sure it’d work, but it came oﬀ well nice. Didn’t really happen with the triangles. Anyway bear with me on the hatred in this article; it gets all mawkish in the second-half. Whilst listening to Arcade Fire’s ‘City with no Children’, which according to Connor is the worst song on the album (he’s cool so he’s probably right) I was struck with a thought. I fucking hate people that go outside. Especially the ones who do so, scantily clad, when the sun comes out in March. Now. I’m exaggerating a bit, I don’t actively hate people. It’s more of a passive hatred. Finding its place in the bottom of my heart, in the blackest bit. It’s the kind of thought that occurs in the ides of march on a day peaking at 12c, as I see some pillock pass by my window in a short and vest, nipples looking like jousting poles with a football in hand and a doe eyes foal in toe – presumably, she’s come along for the joust. You think I don’t have a legitimate reason for hating, well you’re wrong. I violently distrust anyone who can hold a football comfortably with one hand. Now, I love, absolutely LOVE to go out in the sunshine – have a few bevvies and generally act as if nothing can hurt me. It’s those kind of carefree days that seem to last forever, with memories of being at all corners of the city and staying out until the sun’s coming up. But, I’ll only do it when I can really justify wearing not many clothes, though I’ll never be able to carry anything using just one hand. The reason the song put me upon that train of thought was the lyrics conjure up a lot of

these thoughts – of freedom and youthfulness, typical Arcade Fire hey (I literally know nothing about them). As my mind began to wander, or boggle, if you will, the final lyrics hit me: “A garden left for ruin by and by as I hide inside of my private prison.” I wondered if maybe I just, mayyybe, just maybe, have a problem. I have been known for misanthropic tendencies, especially by those closest to me who spend the winter months listening to my profane and cynical slurs. I haven’t yet worked out why I’m so utterly miserable in the winter. The doctor told me it was probably SAD (meaning Seasonal Affective Disorder [not just ‘really’ sad]), but I was never really to believe that it wasn’t just a side effect of my parents’ divorce (fuck you Mum and Dad). So anyway on that March day: I stepped out the door to walk to shop and low and behold. Suddenly my woes were gone, I was happy and really really wanted to whack on a pair of shorts, drink a frosty beer and walk past women in the hope that they’ll initiate some sort of interaction that may lead to a conversation. I got home at about 3pm as the sun was going down, and after wiping the blood of the women who wouldn’t talk to me off of my hands – I sat down and happily started to scroll through facebook. Now I have rather a lot of friends with full-time jobs. Many more than those who are students. And all I saw were sentiments reminiscent of those I’d heard me#2 saying earlier that day. This led me to believe that it’s not an inherent misery that inspires this vicious and seemingly acceptable onslaught of abuse, that is, indeed, part of my problem, but instead it’s more about jealousy. There are many manifestations of jealousy but none seem to come about so violently or spark such drastic reactions. I just seem to lie to myself and propagandise myself in to truly believing its hate. In this re-

spect, it’s not just in a ‘euphoric’ relationship humans have with the sun. In the sun’s absence, in darkness, the true darkness in our souls is unleashed and manifests itself as furious bursts of ridicule, directed at those daring enough to brave the wind. So how the fuck do people deal with living in the far north? Think of those millions of weather stations within the Arctic Circle, trying to work out where all the ice cream is going to come from in the future. Or even more so, think of those folk in the hottest parts of the world, places where a cool wind is rarer than me writing something entertaining. This people, I suggest to you, is my theory of the ‘triangulation of the world’s sunshine’. I genuinely cringed, SO hard, whilst writing that. I’m supposed to be doing my dissertation ok? I volunteer for this you know. And I put this to you people, with eyes. Where do the people of extreme climates get their euphoria? In the darker regions of the Northern hemisphere where days are as short as altimeters chess games are long - I cannot begin to fathom how they cope, it’s not like they have nothing to compare it to… surely they are constantly bombarded with thought of Med’ cruises. Maybe this explains all the drinking and suicide. I put it to you they have basically NO ‘natural’ euphoria. With regard to those from the other end of the extreme, well, they don’t enjoy the sun, ‘cause they can escape it about as much as women can escape the love of Enrique Iglesias. So, well, what gives them their euphoria? Apart from drugs? In the UK we should be grateful of our tossers with 19 pairs of flip flops hanging off of their massive erect tattoo laden nipples – because of our Goldie Locks style climate, our mood is regulated by the sky ‘gods’. Every now and then, everything around us makes us happy and that is truly wonderful. opensourceway

This week’s theme is:

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Catcher in the tri Wonderlane

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Monday 24th March 2014

Simon Rushton explores the significance of triangles. It’s clear that Triangles are more culturally significant and entertaining than A Catcher in the Rye. It’s the worst.

written by Simon ‘entertains people with hats’ Rushton

triangle for those of you that don’t know is a shape with three lines which intersect at three angles, hence being called a triangle. Before they were invented by a Greek called Pythagoras (more about him later) there were no shapes and the world was just made of one dimensional lines, trust me on this one I studied history once. Since then they have revolutionised the world in which we live and now come in all shapes and sizes, as it were, from the very small ones we see at the top of a capital A to Mount Everest, the biggest of all the known triangles. Putting my mathematical hat on (which regrettably isn’t triangular) it is worth using this little juncture to discuss the different types of triangles: There are; Joseph Stalin’s favourite, the equilateral triangle where all the sides are of the same length; the isosceles where two sides are of one length and the third isn’t, the right angled triangle one with a right angle in it and, finally, Uncle Sam’s favourite the scalene where its every side for itself fighting to be the longest. Moving away from primary school mathematics, and primacy school international relations, analysis of the right angled triangle has actually produced two very memorable parts of mathematics: Pythagoras’ theorem and trigonometry. The former is very easy to remember so I’m not going to remind you, if you can’t remember ask a mathematician (maybe one of the less nerdy ones so you’ll actually understand what’s going on). Trigonometry as scary as it may be (SOHCAHTOA ring any bells?) is incredibly useful for a huge number of

things including surveying building sites, calculating the effect of lift on an aircraft, designing musical instruments or assessing seasonal affects. To put it simply, anything that happens periodically or involving forces at angles relative to each other will involve some trigonometry and for that we solely have the triangle to thank. Taking my mathematical hat off for a while and moving to the real world (that is the one where you don’t need a calculator to understand what’s going on) lets think about our relationship with the triangle. It’s not as commonly used as a square or its taller sibling a rectangle. Also when a triangle is used to replace a square and would often look out of place. Take for example the flag of Nepal; everybody remembers this as it is two triangles not put on top of each other rather than just a boring rectangle. Or, taking a more niche example, how about the green card in hockey that’s a triangle, taking on the rectangular big boys of basically every other sport in history; however in this instance it unfortunately fails and looks quite frankly ridiculous. I can think of only one application where the honours are shared between the two geometries, sailing boat sails. The majority of boats have the triangular form but then the taller ship varieties have square ones as well. So proof that triangles and square can co-exist. The triangle then draws in your attention more because: (putting my psychologist’s hat on here) it’s different. It’s not square; it completely juxtaposes our otherwise square and dull world without going into the out and

out anarchy of the curved side. Therefore it can have its uses. Often our beloved three sided amigo is combined with red, inflaming our natural sense of danger, to indicate road hazards. Triangular road signs are clearly designed to warn motorists of their impending doom in the form or rockslides or old people etc., and therefore the triangle advises us to adapt our driving style accordingly, which as good obedient motorists, we all do. A more niche warning in triangular form is sandwiches. If you cut a square diagonally in half you’ll end up with two right-angled triangles (you’re welcome fact fans), but now consider this; where do you see sandwiches in triangles, in your lunch box or at The Ritz? It’s the latter, so here once again the triangle, this time in sandwich form, warns us to behave properly, and drink tea with our little fingers tucked in. Whilst trying to write this article I was scratching my head as to where a triangle is relevant in today’s popular culture and I somewhat struggled to be down wiv da kidz (not for the first time in my life and I’m certain it won’t be the last). Initially I thought of the A in the band Bastille’s name being replaced by a triangle or a capital delta (if you were going to be pedantic). However, I have found what could arguably be the most iconic use of a triangle. Think of an album cover… You chose Dark Side of the Moon, didn’t you? No? Really, what else is there? The triangle in question here is a prism demonstrating the Newtonian trick of splitting white light into all the colours of the rainbow. This happens due to a process call refraction which

occurs at the boundaries of two media with different refractive indices… science, bitch. I will not go into too much detail firstly because I can’t fully remember what happens, but mainly as it’s not a property only seen in triangles (good save). The splitting of light into the rainbow however uniquely a property of the triangle so BOOM! #3Sides4Lyf. All in all, what can we say about the triangle? Over the years it has had so many uses and yet it remains less popular than its bigger brother the square, mainly just being used as a warning which is so much less than what it rightfully deserves. I believe that the triangle is under-used and I think some bold trend setters should start using it more often – some even argue that it is a catalyst for and an embodiment of modern hipster trends. But they’re all too busy buying tights and shaping their moustaches to argue the triangle’s corner. Well, right angle triangle’s corner? Anyway. If you are hipster and cool and claim to love the triangle then I dare you in your next lecture to take notes on a triangular piece of paper. Sew some triangles onto your clothes or, if you are musically minded, release a concept album about being a triangle in a square shaped world on a triangular vinyl, be the bad guys from Superman II or something about Zelda. Triangles aside – don’t forget epistemology should be questioned and I think the only way to do this, is to learn another language, triangulate your point of reference. It’s the only path to enlightenment. Oh. And samosas. First port of call: Take Down Huey Lewis and the News, it’s hip to be triangle.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Alt

Sam Short

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Folking

e e iv R

e i v

s w

Live review: Maximo Park

Drive-by Truckers: English Oceans written by Zach Wynne

here I said it. We’re not talking indie rock or acoustic rock or electro rock or the thousand other genres which have opened up in the last 50 years. We’re talking rock, hard enough to cut your teeth on, and loaded with more meaning than a thousand Sunday sermons. Hailing from Muscle Shoals, Alabama, Drive-by Truckers’ music combines the heady heyday of the giants of southern rock; Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers and Molly Hatchet, with a post-Nirvana grunge feel. In David Cooley and Patterson Hood they’ve got two of the most intricate and inspired songwriters to come out of recent years, all backed up with distortion driven triple guitar lines and the solidest rhythm section since the days of John Bonham and John Paul Jones. Now having released their 10th studio album the band has gone from strength to strength, from dirty back road bars to filling arenas. I was nervous about this album. After 9 studio albums you’d think that the boys would have run out of ideas. I was wrong. From the guitar driven

opening track ‘Shit Shots count’ to the serene Americana ballad ‘First Air of Autumn”’the band come out all guns blazing combining and reinventing every band to come out of the South and adding their own distinctive flair. Lyrically every song is pure genius, words roll around the mouth and leave you thinking over what sort of world we actually live in. Love, politics, madness, work, drugs and war, no topic is off limits and the album gives a perfect sense of what the South means to so many people, from the ballads of the blue collar workers to the misguided racist stereotypes. If you listen to one album this week, listen to this. No matter who you are, where you come from or your musical tastes, give it a chance. You won’t be disappointed. I’d highly recommend title track ‘Made up English Oceans’ and opening track ‘Shit Shots Count’. Driveby Truckers are flying the flag for the South, proving again and again that the South didn’t die when Skynyrd’s plane went down in flames in ’77. In the words of Patterson Hood

written by Madelaine Pitt

aul Smith’s Durham accent easily filled the O2 Academy. What’s more, he had a point. The place was buzzing. The lead singer of Maximo Park sported his habitual hat and less habitual sunglasses, though these, he later assured us, were to cover up the damage of a recent eye operation, rather than an attempt to imitate the Blues Brothers. He was effortlessly dapper in a superb checked suit. If there had been less noise, I think Jack would have made him an offer on the spot. I am not ashamed to mention that we were INVITED INTO THEIR TOUR BUS – and let me add the words ‘swank’, ‘impressive’ and ‘this is better than Marlborough’ to that – for Jack’s interview with Lukas, who was Maximo Park’s keyboard player and gorgeous. Casual, chatty and laid-back, he talked about how the changes in the music industry had partly encouraged them to make each track of their new album, Too Much Information, realised in February of this year, different – “We don’t know if people listen to whole albums any more, people have such short attention spans nowadays and just have Shuffle on on their iPods.” A fascinating angle. I wanted to shout that I’d been listening to Too Much Information that weekend start to finish enough for my housemates to claim Too Much Maximo Park (is there such a thing?), but I restrained myself. After the warm-up act Teleman, for whom the rapidly swelling crowd raised a deserving racket when they finished, there were a few minutes’ pause. Tension and noise cranked up. Jack and I were almost at the front and getting impatient. MP wasted no time getting started when they came on, launching straight into ‘Give, Get, Take’, the first track off the latest album, the refrain of which rang in our heads all the way back to Bath. ‘Lukas, that didn’t sound quite right,’ complained Paul, ‘shouldn’t it have sounded more like – this!?’ and they were burning into their next song, one of the many examples show how on-thesame-wavelength they were – smooth

transitions, feeding off each other’s energy. Tom English on drums and Duncan Lloyd on guitar completed an extremely in-tune group. It was something Lukas talked about in terms of songwriting. “We started writing Too Much Information while we were still touring the National Health [their previous album, not a series of publicly-funded hospitals],” he told us, explaining that being ‘in each other’s headspace’ was important. The five tracks they wrote then were originally intended for an EP but, on listening back, they found them ‘too good’ and decided to make them into an album. Nice shout! Paul was undoubtedly the star of the show and a true showman at that, busy proving the age of the arrogant rock star is not dead and that thirtyfive is no way near too old to make a dance to ‘Hips and Lips’ an incredible success. Tune, by the way. Equally brilliant were ‘The Kids Are Sick Again’, ‘Girls Who Play Guitars’ and ‘Drinking Martinis’. Lukas played with an intensity you’d have thought impossible of the guy in trackies in the tour bus an hour earlier, and sometimes didn’t look at his hands for minutes on end. It was like watching the world’s best touch typist, though typists don’t generally tip their keyboards over and play them vertical. There was even a comedy aspect as a girl near the front starting shouting, complaining about a man with curly hair in the front row (it was never actually established why). A strange conversation ensued with Paul holding the microphone out for her to have her gripe and people craning to see and hear what was going on. She tried to grab the microphone off him. Mistake. “I don’t mean to be rude,” Paul said, “but this conversation is terminated.” The entire hall laughed and the show was off again! All in all: a band that has be seen to be believed. An incredible gig, eleven out of ten. And yes, most people had definitely forgotten about work in the morning. But it was worth it.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Music

Comedy

The Open Mic Night - Komedia, Bath Monday 31st March, 7:30 pm - Midnight

Bath Comedy Festival - Bath 28th March - 6th April

Open mic night open to any and all performers, be it poetry, comedy, music or interpretive dance. Quite honestly this is much like other open mic nights however it’s in Komedia so the quality is better, the venue is pretty and acoustics are top notch. PLUS it’s free! FREE! Might be a good place to take a date, not too formal, Free...

The festival is taking place at absolutely EVERYWHERE in Bath, it’s going to be fucking AWESOME. Edinburgh Fringe Festival is notorious, well, Bath film festival is also awesometorious. It’s been running for 5 years and this year looks like it’s going to be even bigger and even better. There really is something about arts festivals that’s special. The only problem is purchasing tickets online isn’t so great, but it’s not Edinburgh - so just buy on the door.

Birth of Joy - The Bell Inn, Bath Wednesday 26th March According to the bell they are an “Utterly on-it organ-driven hot R’n’B from Holland, reminding me of nothing so much as The Doors in sweaty club (rather than acid poet) mode. Unlikely to be playing small gigs again so grab it while you can.” sounds pretty hot if you ask me. The space is really intimate as well so providing the crowd is good it should be a wild night! Giovanni L’Immigrato - The Nest, Bath Tuesday 15th April A bunch of rambunctious friends who met through music and beer in October 2013. They play covers and their own compositions. Acoustic, folky blues band enriched with both classical and ethnic sounds, also they love a good ol´fashioned hoedown! As well as the Nest they are participating in the upcoming battle of the bands; head down to the Bell on the 1st of April for a truly awesome night.

New Act Comedy Night - Komedia, Bath Monday 7th April “Like comedy? Want to see something new and fresh? This night is for you! Komedia is playing host to some of Bath and Bristol’s best aspiring comedians. Some who are relatively new to the game, others that have been around a while. Either way, they’re acts we believe deserve their spot in the limelight.” (Komedia) As well as this the seasoned comic Luke Honnoraty will be taking the headline spot. be prepared for laughs by the barrel full Bizarre Bath - Huntsman Inn, Bath 1st April - 1st Nov - Price £5:00 students A tour that focuses on the more humorous side of Bath, apparently “You’ll experience unforgettable mysteries, thrills, and surprises that stretch the traditional image of the city.” ohhh suits you sir... suits you.

Arts Love Food Spring Festival - Paintworks, Bristol 30th March - 10:30 am - 4 pm *Free* SPRING IS HERE! look at the baby lambs, eat all the fresh food and attend lots of wonderful food fesitvles with your hippy tree-loving friends... do you love fresh carrot almost as much as beetroot? if so i will definitely be your friend but more importantly this festival will be perfect for you. later on in the year bristol has a much larger veggie food festival with music and everything, this can definitely be seen as a great warm up for one of the highlights of the year. Shobana Jeyasingh Dance - St Mary the Virgin Church, Darlington Street, Bath 3rd - 5th April “Shobana Jeyasingh Dance presents a beautiful mesmerising work, strikingly set within an historic church in the City of Bath. Six women dressed in red costumes, dancing within the pews, weave a story that moves between power and quiet reflection. Are they charting a journey from cradle to grave? Or cast adrift on a wooden sea?” Things we do for Love - Theatre Royal, Bath 16th - 26th April This is a play about love. One guy loves this girl, and the girl doesn’t know but they live in the same building and he has created a shrine to her. It’s kinda like ‘Not Going Out’ meets that bit in Love Actually. Also, Natalie Imbruglia is in it. Remember her? She was in Neighbours and that was a good show.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Everything’s fake - it’s still real

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ssuming you have some of that internet and maybe a bit of spare time over the last two weeks then you probably saw the viral sensation that was the ‘First Kiss’ video. If you didn’t, what happens is twenty rather attractive people who’ve never met each other kiss in a short black and white film while some nice music plays. It’s basically like that little side room in XL except the music and people are nice rather than horrible, so it makes you want to go ‘awhhh’ rather than ‘shit’. Plus no one’s getting fingered. The video was posted on Monday, generated 45 million views by Thursday and for once the internet was giving us something lovely rather than putting the horrors of the everyday world under a microscope. However, all was not as it seemed… LIES! It was all lies. It was all horrible lies just to sell clothes and probably evil clothes that like Coldplay and vote UKIP. The video had been shot by the clothing company Wren to take part in Style.com’s Video Fashion Week and people were quick to cry corporate wolf, decrying the video as nothing more than a fake. Now normally I’d be the first to jump on the bashing bandwagon and write about how they’re all witches who should be burned alive by the Spanish Inquisition, however I’m not going to do that today. I’m going to be nice! While this is yet another exam-

Andrew Kimmell

written by Thomas Gane

ple that we all need to learn to look where the money is coming from and what’s the motive when we see nice things (seriously guys, how many times are they going to get us?), just because the video is a bit corporate doesn’t make it any less nice. The video was made on a tiny budget (less than £1,000), says at the start and the end that it was by Wren and video fashion week is specifically for

brands that don’t have the heaps of cash needed to put on a big catwalk show. Wren didn’t pay for any advertising and all the people in the video did meet for the first time during the kiss, although they were mostly musicians and models who are usually a bit better than your average person at things like kissing someone without looking like some form of bottom feeding fish. The video also in-

cluded same-sex kisses which, while it should be a standard and common thing by now, are always a positive and should be commended. Maybe it was a bit of a lie, but it was still a lovely video that made me forget momentarily that I’m probably going to die as a cancer ridden husk in a dark and broken world. Plus, everything nice is a lie! None of the nothing real is nice, just look at Father Christmas, the future and Emma Watson. Father Christmas is a lie we tell children because it makes them happy, the future is some mythical place where I won’t be a piece of trash and the world won’t be a horrible place, and Emma Watson… well the thing she does with the face and the smile and the eyes can’t actually be real. We lie to ourselves every day about everything. I’ll do my coursework tomorrow. I’ll get a job when I graduate. This cigarette won’t give me cancer. It helps you get through the day because the truth is horrible. The truth is walking to work in the rain, bad news and very often doesn’t include kissing, which is one of the very best ways to hide from the truth. So yes, the first kiss video was a bit corporate, but it’s still a very nice video by a small and innovative company. It’s cute, it’s well shot and I’d rather give my money to Wren than to some giant corporation that uses the tears of Pilipino children in its stitching. It’s a bit of a lie, but it’s a nice one and really, what isn’t a lie?

Find Your Rushmore

n March 7th, 2014 the newest installment in eccentric, quirky and legendary director Wes Anderson’s career was released. As you can tell, I really really really don’t like him.‘The Grand Budapest’ was your typical trip into the wonderful world of Wes. Excellent characters, a meticulous handmade style and finish and a hilarious dialogue to boot. I’m not going to deliver the standard reviews as I doubt those interested won’t at least be familiar with his style or the rest of his filmography. My love affair with Wes started when I was around 15. In the little time that wasn’t taken up with either masturbating or thinking about masturbation, I was introduced to ‘The Life Acquatic with Steve Zissou’. With Bill Murray as the titular lead character and soundtracked to David Bowie’s greatest hits (as sang in Portuguese) it was love at first sight, and to this day it brings out a joy in me that few other films (or masturbation) even come close to. I immediately set about devouring his back catalogue with a passion, which I honestly think was greater than all the best things about crack and I can now honestly say that I have seen every single thing he’s put out into the public realm. Why do I love Wes as I do though? Well, firstly is the human impact of his films. He has made my life so much more enjoyable than it was before and he has without a doubt strengthened

my relationships with many, many people that I hold close to my heart. I know for a start, me, my Dad and sister have all been brought closer because of him and he has also helped form many friendships too. I decided not to make this a ‘standard’ film review, because you can find those all over the internet and I’m not saying I couldn’t do it better. Sometimes it’s perhaps more engaging to talk about how those films have affected you. Secondly, he’s an inspiration. Not only does he have a job that he just loves doing (which is something I think we all aspire to have) but he also clearly puts his life and soul into all of his works, and I think in an age where the vast majority of what is fed into our lives by the media is largely superficial, I think that’s really special. Perhaps Max Fischer explains it best. From the seminal ‘Rushmore’ Max is arguable Wes’ most iconic character and the teen protégé and all round wise guy has its spot on when he makes this remark - ‘I think you just gotta find something you love to do, then do it for the rest of your life’. Having said that, this brought me to thinking. Most of us really don’t get to do what we want to do and if we do, it may be in sacrifice of the finer things in life. Wes’ characters often embody these very themes in fact, exploring the aching urge in humans to escape the rat race.

Charles Hoffman

written by Alexander Illja Coles

Monday 24th March 2014

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Bristol’s Blue facebook.com/bathimpact

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written by Luke L

Enticing the nut-hous

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azz Romantics: The archetypical jazz fan who fondly refers to himself as an “aficionado”. He, and it is always a he, bemoans what has become of the “jazz scene” and won’t listen to anything released since “Kind of Blue”. He’ll take the seated option and sit in deep silence, giving the occasional flutter of light applause or subtle nod. Afterwards he’ll readily and self assuredly extoll to anyone within spitting distance how “Jazz just isn’t the same anymore”. He is always white and in his mid-fifties. He has a tweed dinner jacket, expensive Italian leather shoes and chinos. He always has half-framed glasses which seem constantly trying to escape his nose as he wafts around the foyer. He is the epitome of jazz stagnation. Jazz is vibrant and evocative. It will break your heart or lift you to the heady heights of a climatic orgasm. No other genre can come close to evoking such a range of emotions without a word spoken. If for no other reason, this is why jazz should be saved from becoming the DMZ of the jazz romantic. Jazz was made for the young, those still with enough hope and soul to love it. But fuck, none of that matters when there is a genre on the verge of collapse, which desperately needs saving. Bristol blues and jazz festival provided a glimmer of hope in this regard. Before our arrival I was certain the crowd would be purely of the type described above. There would be no one below the age of forty and males would outnumber females six to one. Upon arrival I was pleasantly surprised. Jazz is cool again. Elevated by the worlds of Gatsby and the tragic death of Amy Winehouse Jazz has once again regained its “pseudo cool”. Wealthy twenty-somethings, drawn by Bristol’s combination of edge and hip, talk in loud voices about the latest opportunities in web design or sip gin and tonics in the foyer. Pretty students, dressed in designer brands, nodded along to the trio from the balconies. The Bristolians themselves are represented by the artisan stalls selling satchels, holistic massages and ocarinas. In the distance the BIG JEFF’s mighty silhouette is visible, cast against the walls of Colston Hall. Colston hall is a brilliant venue and a beautiful building. Next time you’re in Bristol wander in. They put on regular free concerts in the foyer and the balcony on the top floor offers the best spot to watch the myriad of people crossing the triangle anywhere in Bristol. The staff were lovely and helpful, constantly going out of their way to make everyone’s life a little better. The drinks were fairly priced. The balconies provide an endless source of wonder for architects and common folk alike. Go on a sunny day and take a second to take in the scatter graph of light

Elliot Randall

he ticket office was kind in handing us the tickets we were clearly not intended to have. A student paper must be welcome around these parts. So on, to Elliot Randall, most famous for his solo in ‘Reelin’ In the Years’ by Steely Dan he is now playing with his ‘West Country’ friends. He was a gracious performer on stage with a killer guitar. The act was very reminiscent of times past that we, unfortunately, will never truly grasp. However, he gathered the ummmf needed to fuzz out his guitar and streak through his solos. A blues rock standard executed by a man who is comfortable with the musical accomplishments behind him. The duet between him and fellow guitarist, Jerry Crozier-Cole, was a match. They played off each other in perfect balance between young and old. Ending their first tune with an overdriven encore, they drove immediately deep into blues and only really dug out for the crowd pleasing Steely Dan tracks. Randall is clearly of the waddling age were excessive movement on stage is considered an obscenity, although he didn’t hold back on his one liners. Clearly too old to give a fuck, his days of eccentricity have clearly passed however The crowd seemed reluctant to give even a nod of the head, fucking blues fascists. Or maybe that’s me! The blues “came from the South and made it too Chicago and now Bristol” Well that’s one thing it’s capable of, the transcendence of generations and place. And it’s the closest I’ll ever get to seeing Steely Dan. Luke L. Peel

Andy Sheppa

k before we delve into the bia a side note. We arrived tracked by the wonderful C back, the lights cast a low blue gl greeted by one of the most surrea see. Michele Rabbia (percussion) w long plastic tubes above his head, song while, off to one side, Andy Michele Rabbia is a percussion gen when you thought the man had u you. His drum kit was barely touc tin foil, he spent several minutes p beat using only staccato breaths, of the beat at some point; legs, a Sheppard was constantly pushing a handful of effects pedals. Licks w with a dozen Saxes. And all of it w one forgot to blink, it was a surrea This fantasy reached its climax thr creating a car wreck of rhythm bro a single wide skin drum; the creati After all that I’ve said this prob trash but it all worked. If you ever and you will be admitted to a fant

Monday 24th March 2014

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es and Jazz Festival 2014 facebook.com/bathimpactv

L. Peel and Zach Wynne

Luke L. Peel

Get the Blessing and Indigo Kid

o pre-empt the long awaited trip-hoppers, Get the Blessing; Indigo Kid took stage. They had a mellow touch and a focus on raw talent that was both calming and cooling. The guitarist, Dan Messore, had a blended style of samba-esque jizz jazz. They sailed elegantly through their set, with the drummer, Martin France, holding them in synch. He was reminiscent of Stewart Copeland of The Police in his precise dedication to the rim-shot and high-hat heavy rhythms. Get the Blessing could be on the verge of something, they are pioneering a new age of acid jazz. The crowd perhaps didn’t show it in numbers but those there, knew it. Formed by Clive Dean and John Barr of the band Portishead, the founders of trip-hop, Get the Blessing seeks to take jazz in an entirely new direction. The atmosphere was electric and the crowd reached a near frenzy by the end of the opening number. This is music to move to. The line up was simple; drums, bass, guitar, sax and trumpet. Riffs flew thick and fast as the trumpet and sax player duelled for supremacy on stage, playing off each other and intertwining. Put this music on live in a club and watch as it’s packed every night. It’s heavy enticing and you’re left with no choice but to lose yourself in it. Forget everything you know about jazz and watch as this five piece blow everyone out of the water. Coming off strong critical acclaim and with a hard-core following of both ex-trip hoppers and new jazz fans alike this is a band to watch. You can see why Bristolians love these guys. They sum up everything that’s great about the city, a disdain for conventional thinking, a willingness to push the boundaries, a rough edge mixed with West Coast beauty. If you do one thing in your time of uni go and see these guys, forget getting a degree, forget making the rugby team, forget your student loan, forget everything in the blare of sax and trumpet. If you do this you will remember what it is to feel alive.

Luke L. Peel

e bizarre world of Andy Sheppard and Michele Rabd to this gig fifteen minutes late due to being side Clive Dean of Get the Blessing. So we entered at the low across the beautiful Lantern Theatre, and were al sights that I have ever been fortunate enough to was standing at the front of the stage spinning two , making them resonate and sing their deep wailing Sheppard (Saxophone) built a wall of looping sax. nius, playing a drum kit like an eccentric pianist. Just used up every possible source of noise he surprised ched. He bounced balls, he played a tea set, he tore playing a plastic bag, he played his shirt, he created a no part of his body did not become an integral part arms, hands, cheeks, teeth. Alongside all this Andy the limits of what could be done with a solo sax and were looped and layered until the room reverberated was improvised on the spot. The effect was hypnotic, alist fantasy expressed through nothing but sound. rough a series of disordered oscillating metronomes ought to order through Micheles talented hands on ion of order from disarray. bably sounds like the worst kind of experimentalist r get a chance to see either one of them jump on it tastic acid trip that will leave you strangely Zen and with a new outlook on the percussion possibilities of everything that surrounds us every day. The world was made to be played.

alking into Pee Wee Ellis I was unsure what to expect as the standing area remained seemingly empty as the seating filled up with the crowd of nostalgia ridden bodies. But the king o’ funk blew us all away. Most famous for his work with James Brown, Pee Wee could still work a crowd. The crowd grew to a bopping mix of students and middle-agedfunkadelics. I kept getting a glance from him, almost a look of surprise, he may have been thinking ‘What the fuck is this kid doing here?’ He was able to interact and embody the true nature of funk with his comedic interludes with Fred Wesley, on trombone. He found a way to make us all lighter and the crowd loosened to his style. Pee Wee was funny, not in the awkward way that so many musicians on stage are but genuinely funny and the chemistry between him and Fred was obvious. He also was quick to swat down anyone who decided to whip out a phone to film him with “Put that shit away!” He was clearly interested in people being in that moment with him. Nonetheless, he played the crowd with The Chicken and a slowed down encore of ‘I Feel Good’ to finish off. The highlight of the show came in the arrival of young local saxophonist James Martin who joined the band for a number of songs. This showed more than anything what Pee Wee is all about, guiding the next generation of talent, Martin was flamboyant in the way only a young sax player can be, he stole the show, and pee wee let him. He’s been there, he did that fifty years ago, he remembers the thrill of being in your twenties and playing a sold out home crowd. Jazz has never been about the band, it is always about the soloist, if the whole band comes together it’s more of an added extra. Under Pee Wee’s guidance this kid was able to shine. I admire his dedication to the genre as an aging funk/soul/jazz artist out of the South. It seems so bizarre that he is now living in Frome. I mean, holy shit could you get much more incongruous. I find it hard to understand how he finds a place here in the UK. I can only imagine the cultural bipolar nature of that decision. Well, anyway, I hope he can continue his funk ambitions in the coziness of his Frome cottage far removed from his origins in the south heart of the US of A.

Luke L. Peel

ard and Michele Rabbia

Pee Wee Ellis and Fred Wesley Funk All Stars

Luke L. Peel Luke L. Peel

Luke L. Peel

se of Jazz to a hall of those on deaths door

Monday 24th March 2014

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Amazing at all angles

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Fashion Editors Amanda Bull and Molly Maguire

Wave goodbye to fluid lines and flowing materials, because angular cuts and structured shapes are here for the long-haul. Both Spring and Autumn catwalks saw a host of structured hems and strong shapes: we’re talking bold pieces with razor-sharp edges. However, incorporating this trend into fun clothing items like crop tops, shoe styles and the new ‘it’ item – the skort - make structured clothing a little less business and a lot more play.

New Look

Topshop

H&M

Topshop

Underwear as outerwear has been a trend for a while, but the introduction of sharp, triangle bralets is a fresh way to pull off the trend. Pair with an oversized mesh top, high-waisted skinny jeans and bright trainers for a fun evening look. Or, if you’re brave enough, then dare to bare and wear it without cover!

Zara

Topshop

Office

Asos

Pointed stilettos may seem pretty old school, but these bad boys are the shoe style of choice this season. Platformed soles and round toes have taken a backseat, so instead channel the angular trend with pointed court stilettos for the evening, and sandals or pumps for the daytime. Ankle straps and cut out details make this old style fresh and renewed.

Primark

Miss Selfridge

New look

Zara

The ‘skorts’ of the 90s have well and truly made their comeback, except this time around, wrapped, angular styles are the way to go. Choose pointed edges, bold patterns and uneven hemlines for a fun and flattering way to wear the angular trend.

DAVID KOMA SS14

VICTORIA BECKHAM SS14

TODS AW14

DAVID KOMA SS14

PINGHE SS14

Monday 24th March 2014

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bite news

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What may have, but at the same time definitely didn’t happen.

Jonathan Archer Penis Flaunter

series of high-profile raids by cyber-attackers have left the internet completely devoid of trust, an abstract and often traded ‘currency’ in the global superhighway of penis photos. Since the revelations that the dark hub that connects every twisted mind on the planet is not in fact a safe place, the share price of trust has plummeted to an all-time low, of ‘pretty much fuck all’, making the commodity effectively worthless. “It’s a complete disaster,” said Iain Bumm, founder of the WnkStain global trading hub of the resource, “Some people have lost almost fifty pence worth of trust. “I tell you,” he continued, as if trying to justify his CV-mentionable life choices, “I remember the idealised days of the past, where you could leave your front door open on the internet and let your kids play on your internet front garden completely unattended. You can’t do that anymore now thanks to these internet predator types. I wanted to buy a 24 disc box set of every movie that contains a shred of nostalgia, and all I got was a picture of a man brandishing his gaping anus,

which was not as entertaining as I’d hoped. As some of you may know, the internet was founded as part of an advertising campaign by Amazon in 1994, who had up until then relied on faxing people their VHS box-sets of hit shows like heartbeat and cracker. Before such time, a computer was only useful for Microsoft paint and belligerent anthropomorphised paper clips, but was now radicalised into a sharing tool where no matter where you were on the planet, you could see a grown man brandishing his penis to complete strangers. Originally, trust was an abstract term (and by abstract I mean not even existing in the first place) before the magical world of capitalism used its ability to create trade out of nothing to turn trust into a quasi-valuable and definitely substantial resource. “We were trading thin air, effectively,” said Benji Twatt, a man who turned himself into an owner of 1 pound overnight, “except there’s no air on the internet, we sold all that. By trading something completely abstract, meaningless and not entirely provable, and constructing an entire economy on such phantoms, we were ultimately surprised to see it all collapse. I may have to go back to selling people’s souls, at least

there’s still money in that.” As some of you may know, internet piracy was invented in 2003 as part of an advertising campaign by McAfee, previously a brand of shortbread, to sell anti-virus software. Before long, all the other shortbread companies were getting in on the action, using the lack of any real substantial trust to create an entire industry built on the vainglorious presumption that information is property. Offenders of the Free-World, the USA, was quick to pounce on the lack of government trust, deciding to turn the Arizona desert into a banal repository for storing everyone on the planet’s stories of their holiday to Benidorm and an unfunny joke written in 1980 presented in a poorly formatted clusterfuck of cat photos and incongruous typefaces. Inflammatory Specsavers model Edward Snowden said something on the matter, but our records of the interview were destroyed by shady men in black coats, we presumed they worked for online retail giant H&M; they do some really nice coats. “What did you expect?!” Shouted an interrobang-wielding Youtube commenter, “It’s the fucking internet; of course it’s dangerous!”

wholowhy

Is trust the new speculation? A

There’s a lot of lampost on wall street, it’s brightly lit and has banks

Way to diSpencer of the argument could theoretically have continued to ‘ping’ the satellite from 1997, but that there was “fuck all” science behind that. In regards to the passengers, they all thankfully survived the wormhole, however they were said to be very angry that after a trip between the lines of time and space they ended up in France. Since then they have been suitably compensated and are now free to make contact with their families again, however most apparently plan to remain anony-

mous because “they’re rich as balls this way”. British politicians have reacted with shock to the news, with David Cameron calling it “some sort of Star Trek shit”, whilst seeming torn on a very core level about whether he should defend Thatcher at all costs, even if it meant criticising the monarchy. In the end he just blamed Nick Clegg and left. Ed Milliband apparently whimpered a lot as the situation was explained to him, but we were

also told that it’s his normal reaction to things so don’t read into it. Nigel Farage was typically eloquent in his analysis of the situation as he tweeted: “Typical, not enough immigrants in the past/ present so they have to send them back from the future/now. We need armed guards one every wormhole from now on!” We contacted MI5 and Buckingham Palace who said they had no record of the operation on their books yet, “but it sounds like the kind of thing we’d do”. Coventry City Council

housands of Daily Mail readers have suffered rage induced strokes upon hearing that Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 was actually sent back in time through a worm hole by MI5 to facilitate the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, in 1997. The news was delivered in a transmission from the future by World President David Beckham and, despite the lack of precedence, is believed to be genuine. The message was sent directly to the current David Beckham who, thinking it was a recording of a confession he made but subsequently forgot about during one of his ‘fuzzy times’, then tried to turn himself in to the police. However, after a twelve hour questioning session that was described by Scotland Yard as “fucking excruciating for everyone involved”, the realisation was finally made that “check the magic black box” meant Beckham’s iPhone, not the black box on the missing plane. In the video itself, President Beckham confessed that no one was sure anymore who first gave the order to open the wormhole and that they had experimented in separate realities with not

sending the plane back. However, every time they didn’t Margaret Thatcher just didn’t die and over the centuries became the all-powerful centre of darkness in the universe, “like the guy from Star Wars with the really bad asthma”. The video also explained the logistics of the operation, such as the fact that they had to wait to 2014 because the process of opening a wormhole is the quantum physics equivalent of drilling a mine. As such if they’d attempted it while Thatcher was still alive she would have sensed it and closed it faster than an under unionised Northern town. The Boeing 777 itself was needed to transport the correct amount of paparazzi to France under the radar, which makes sense seen as it’s very hard to imagine a load of people just disappearing without a trace. Finally, everything was done through the medium of David Beckham because fuck you that’s why. Aviation experts have said that theoretically the 777 could survive the flight through a wormhole and could also carry the weight of the paparazzi, despite the added baggage of their heavy, heavy consciences. Rolls Royce have also said that their engine signal

borman818

Thomas Gane Thatcherite

Did you know the missing Malaysian airlines flight was the 404th Boeing777 made, conspiracy or what?

Monday 24th March 2013

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All aboard the culture train

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written by Jack Donovan

which basically arrested development; since the reunification of Germany, the vast majority of flats have been completely renovated, and it is now one of the more vibrant areas of the city. Moving a little closer to home, most houses in Oldfield Park were built between 1890 and 1910 to house the craftsmen and labourers of Bath. Around this time, outside toilets were the norm, and bathrooms were almost unheard of in the houses of the working classes. Many houses remained without a bathroom until the 1960s and 70s; a few carried on into the 90s. Many householders went with the option of building an extension rather than sacrificing a bedroom, particularly with increasing demand for student accommodation. So, you may ask, how does one obtain this sort of information? Naturally, the internet is your friend – as well as the omniscient Wikipedia, there are websites full of old photos, maps and directories. Exploring the central library in town has unveiled to me a wealth of information. I also spent the majority of my second and fourth years going for walks around the city, and along the tracks of the former Midland railway, rather than doing any work towards my degree. Knowing that little bit more about your surroundings can make your time spent in any place that much more rewarding; even if you couldn’t care less about who lived in your house in 1911, you might find something that will pleasantly surThe creator of this picture is sadly no longer with us. prise you. grand canyon railway bridge

ou might have wondered why your bathroom is behind your kitchen, why you have to walk through a disused railway station to get to Sainsbury’s from town, or why 1 Moorland Road is about a fifth of the way down, next to the bath shop at number 57 – but did you ever find out? For most people, local history is something that only rarely crosses their minds. Even in Bath, where the centre is dominated by Georgian townhouses, and people come from far and wide to visit the Roman Baths and Abbey, little attention is paid to the history of the city as a whole. For an itinerant tourist, trying to cram in all the attractions of any city is a challenge. So much so, in fact, that the former Editor-in-Chief of this newspaper and I invented Power Tourism (trademark pending) to combat it. It is understandable, then, that an ordinary visitor might not take such an interest in the more humdrum things in between the major sights. But, for those with a little more time on their hands, such as students who have gone to live in a new town, it definitely is worth learning a couple of extra things about the place. It can be interesting to see how the character of an area has changed over the years. For example, the district of Prenzlauer Berg in Berlin was mostly farmland until 1862, when a new housing plan for the city was unveiled. The area became notorious for cramped, squalid housing conditions, which only gradually improved up until the Second World War. It found itself in the Soviet zone after the war,

A seventeen day twitch however resulted in it’s constant consulting, leading to it becoming to the symbol of hope in the game, and Helix’s designation as our lord and saviour). This was nothing, however, to prepare us for day 11, a day that would go on to be known as ‘Sunday bloody Sunday’. In a futile 12-hour attempt to retrieve the newly caught Zapdos (AA-j or “Anarchy Jesus”) from the PC, anarchy reigned. A mixture of button mashing, trolling, and general inability to account for a twenty second lag resulted in twelve Pokémon being inadvertently released, including everyone’s favourites, xCabbage (a Gloom) and BigDig (a Raticate). Gone, but never forgotten. The clearly imperfect format was occasionally modified as the game progressed. For example, in order to navigate the maze in Team Rocket’s hideout, the option to vote in a ‘democracy’ mode was introduced. As well as entering regular gameplay commands, voting for either democracy or anarchy could be carried out at any point. Under democracy, rather than taking all commands at once and letting Red run around like Amanda Bynes on crack, the most popular command was taken from 20-second intervals. Incredibly, once it was no longer necessary, anarchy was always immediately voted back in, the hivemind deciding that having things too easy took away from the purpose of the game and constantly voted down democracy, a tactic not unfamiliar to our referendum-extending Students’ Union. The most amazing thing about the introduction of democracy mode was the way that the collective came together to overcome difficulties. Once the stream really took off (>100,000 players!), they were constantly plagued by trolls and bots programmed by soulless middle aged men who still live at their parents house and are incapable of contemplating the idea that other people are achieving something (probably) designed to ruin the game by entering unhelpful commands repeatedly. Despite this, the internet found a way round. Coming together and forming intricate plans to beat all these issues, and even use them in their favour,

progress again started happening. Eventually, the now immortalised team of Anarchy Jesus, Bird Jesus (a Pidgey), Lord Helix (now regenerated), King Fonz (a Nidoking), AIR (a Lapras) and ATV (All Terrain Venemoth) entered Victory Road. A mere two days later, a meagre seventeen days after leaving Pallet Town, Blue was defeated and victory was claimed. With a hundred thousand people watching, the stream went black, and just like that, it was over. Leaving in its wake nothing more than spin oﬀs, a Flappy Bird mod with Bird Jesus, and the memories for those of us who were there. Praise Helix.

Divvixxx

nyone still unfamiliar with the phenomenon that is Twitch Plays Pokémon Red will be dismayed once they’ve awoken from their coma to learn that they’ve missed mankind’s greatest ever achievement, a feat so astoundingly ludicrous that it has completely shaken the beliefs on which our society stands. It was quite simply our generation’s moon landing. For the benefit of those now waking up, exFerrari drivers or otherwise, here’s a brief account of what occurred. As the entire reading demographic is presumably around 19-30, I will assume you have at least a working knowledge of the game. If you don’t, I inherently distrust you and assume that you’re an alien. On February 12th, an as of yet unidentified Australian programmer, probably Russell Crowe, started a ‘social experiment’ that involved a live stream of Pokémon Red which anybody could play. At the same time. As the same character. Inputs were selected via typing the command into the chat box. Naturally, this got somewhat chaotic. Immediately, and understandably, written off as a no hoper, the experiment began to garner huge interest. As its popularity grew, the number of users and subsequent number of inputs pushed the game toward seemingly total randomness. Yet, somehow, progress began to happen. Mount Moon was conquered relatively swiftly. Brock and Misty surrendered their badges to Ash almost too easily. The pitch black Rock Tunnel was breezed through. Just take a second to think about how incredible that feat is alone. Through every difficulty and obstacle, Red marched forth. Progress wasn’t ever exactly straightforward though. Constant button mashing resulted in everyone getting entirely random nicknames. Red walked in constant circles, checked his Pokedex as if he had chronic OCD and saved the game constantly. At one point it took four hours to cut down a tree. They may have been using a herring, Ni! At another, it took six to walk along a ledge. After finally beating Giovanni, an escape rope was used before picking up the Silph Scope. Pokémon were set free, and items released at will (the inability to rid one’s self of the Helix Fossil

written by John Zuihao

Look at this Pokémon. Clearly a wasp, nice one Japan.

Monday 24th March 2014

Pokémon: an RPG masterclass

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written by Anthony Masters

okémon is one of the largest computer game franchises on the planet, selling over 200 million games worldwide. Even though the franchise is advertised to children, it would be wrong to conclude that Pokémon is a simple game. By its very nature, Pokémon is the antithesis of the established format for role-playing games. In traditional RPGs, the player commands a small group of intrepid adventurers, who fight against a large bestiary of monsters, often including gelatinous blobs, robots and alien-infused scientists. Pokémon does the reverse: you select up to six creatures from a roster of over 700, which are also available to all other human characters, which you battle against. Each species of Pokémon has their types, statistics, nature, abilities, items and four moves. In the first generation of games – Pokémon Red, Blue and Yellow – there were fifteen types, which could deal double damage, half damage or no damage at all. These types established an elaborate game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Originally, Psychic-type Pokémon, like Alakazam, were rather overpowered. They were only ineffective against other Psychic-types, and their only weakness came from Bug-type moves. The moves Pin Missile, Twineedle and Leech Life dealt little damage, and were almost always learnt by Pokémon with a secondary Poison type, thereby making them weak to Psychic attacks. This iniquity was ameliorated by the introduction of

Dark-type Pokémon in the Gold, Silver and Crystal games, like Umbreon. Dark types are invulnerable to Psychic attacks. Generation II games also introduced Steel-types, which are immune to Poison. In the latest releases of Pokémon X & Y, there are now Fairy-type Pokémon, who can deal super-effective damage against dragons. Building a good Pokémon team means neutralising weaknesses, whilst maximising coverage with their moves. All Pokémon have six main stats: Hit Points (HP), Attack, Defence, Special Attack, Special Defence and Speed. Thanks to Pokémon being both part of your team and your enemies, there is much greater consideration given for varied statistics. If a creature’s HP falls to zero, then the Pokémon faints. Generally, the Pokémon with the higher Speed stat goes first in turn-based combat. There are moves that upset even this simple rule, such as Quick Attack which always goes first – or the quickest Pokémon does if both use Quick Attack – or Trick Room, which ensures the slowest Pokémon makes the first attack. When physical moves are used, the user’s Attack points are compared to the recipient’s Defence points, and plugged into a somewhat complex formula to determine damage. In the case of special moves, Special Attack and Special Defence statistics are utilised. How each Pokémon’s statistics are set is also quite complicated. There are individual values, ranging from 2 to 31, which are assigned at birth. These individual values are

responsible for the large variation in stats of untrained Pokémon, as well as their gender, shininess, the letter of each Unown, as well as the type and power of the move Hidden Power. Trainers can improve the IVs of new Pokémon through selective breeding. Trainers may also guide their Pokemon’s statistics, through the use of effort values, which are endowed upon a Pokémon either by vitamins or defeating other creatures. 510 EVs may be given to one Pokemon, and 255 EVs can be put upon a single statistic, where every four EVs instigate an increase of one point in that stat. Natures also determines their stats. Unlike some other RPGs, Pokémon does not have an official job system, but competitive battlers often identify Pokémon, held items and move-sets that serve particular purposes. For example, the Bugtype Heracross may be called a Physical Sweeper, aiming to knock out as many enemies as possible with physical attacks. Swords Dance can be used to double its attack stat, and then the player may use three physical moves such as Focus Punch, Megahorn and Rock Slide. Leftovers may be equipped as a held item, allowing a small amount of HP to be recovered. Abilities – which are automatic – are also pertinent to selecting Pokémon. An example would be Battle Armour, which prevents critical hits. Whilst it is aimed at children, Pokémon is one of the most complex and underappreciated strategy games of all time. Pokémon: it’s not just for kids.

SU Candidates who didn’t Run written by Nick West

Moses, Moses would A computer. Computprobably struggle to get his ers do everything nowadays, head around the new-fangled from managing your social life to technology, like paper. At some point, deciding who can and can’t enter the I’m sure, we would get tired of lugging country to making your breakfast (I”m sorry around his masonry missives, although to break it to you but your wife is an android. his description of Moodle as ‘demonic Be afraid), so why give them even more power witchcraft’ would be largely accurate. by handing the SU over to them? If one of them Plus the lakes and rivers running red wanted to they could email your mother your inwith blood would probably annoy ternet history and then wipe your bank account the ducks, poor amphibious to pay for a brand new motherboard. Maybe blighters. let’s try avoiding giving them legal power too? They’re gonna gain sentience sooner or later so we ought to go back to a hermit-style electronics free existence while we can. A pot plant. The environment is alMe. There’s a lot wrong with me. I’m inways a hot button issue these days, from credibly lazy. I mean, so lazy that I once downman-made global warming, to ridiculous loaded an app to remotely control my computer amount of rubbish being dumped in ever-growrather than get up to hit the ‘continue playing’ ing heaps to the fact that we’re going to run out button on Netflix. I also have been known to leave of fuel sooner rather than later while destroying the toilet seat up, I’m yet to cook a meal at univerhalf the planet searching for more. So a pot plant sity without burning it and setting off a fire alarm. that just sits quietly there and converts carbon diAnd I’d also probably end up annexing Scotland oxide into glucose and oxygen is the best of all (I mean, like hell am I going to pay an imworlds. And then, if it’s been a bad little pot port tax on my black pudding) and posplant, burn it for totally carbon-neutral sibly the scenic bits of Wales. Power fuel. Magic. tends to go to my head a bit.

Barack Obama NSA. Quite Frankly, the SU is already quite strapped for cash and I don’t think we could afford the sort of infrastructure needed to monitor all communication between students at this university. Apart from the blatant disregard for our rights, I just can’t see it being worth the time or money to intercept all the ‘YOLO’s, ‘I got so carpark’d last night’s, and ‘crap, that coursework’s due TOMORROW?!’s that I send, let alone those every single student. We’re just not that interesting a bunch.

Monday 24th March 2014

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Horoscopes

Sex Column: No Sex in the City

 Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

Don’t cut your life into pieces, it’s not your last resort. Suﬀocation no breathing, don’t give a fuck if you carry on breathing. Papa roach muthafuckaaaa!

I have been single for two and a half years now and, in that time, most of the male November 22 - December 21 attention I have received has come from guys in auDecember 22 - January 20 Cast your mind back to Februtomobiles and kebab shops. ary the 1st. then, mercury was Flattered though I was (kind in your system, apparently its of), it really wasn’t doing it You can either see the world as poisonous; your mum will claim for me and I found myself a giant peach or, as a hair on a not to know this… she is trying to running out of places to look kill you. particularly horrible spider’s for love. Or sex. In January back. Either way the fu2014, however, the unthinkture looks exciting. able happened… I went on my first ‘first date’! January 21 - February 19 Before my many years of singledom I was in a fourThe moon is asking you to be year relationship and before kind to others and mindful of their that I was in year 8, so it sexual fetishes… the moon’s pretty was at the tender age of 22 February 20 - March 20 socially awkward sometimes. I finally made the leap and spent some time getting to You should lobby the univerknow another homo sapisity to introduce a humanities ens over dinner. I won’t didepartment. Only then can we vulge the murky details yet, truly be better than bath spa! that’s another, much longer Moon. Uranus. Saturn. Stuff like story. I put myself out there March 21 - April 20 that. and did the kind of thing my friends have been doing for The heavens today are years. If that doesn’t prove alive with possibilities, a the saying “new year, new stranger may approach you me” then I don’t know what in a black van with candy, if so does! go for it! I guess it really was only a matter of time until I was asked on a date. The important thing is that I didn’t spend these two and a half years (I’m not counting) in practical solitude for nothApril 21 - May 20 ing. Instead I carefully craftMay 21 - June 20 ed a list of how to ‘woo’ a Alpha Cat II is con- Your month will be plagued by man: necting with Persi existential angst; the moon I put myself out there and 8, both stars have is the culprit, or is it society? I’m not afraid of rejeccollapsed releasing a Anyway it doesn’t really tion… on Tinder wave of superheated matter, nothing does. I’ve been known to plasma demolishing all delete my account planets in their respective and start afresh orbits. after accidentally rejecting June 21 - July 21 potential You probably have many good friends Prince you have lost contact with, why not spend a spare minute or two to July 22 - August 22 catch up with them, send them a For some possibly occult reason all message, visit them unyour bodily fluids this month will be expectedly and take picrevered as turner winning modern art tures of them sleeping. for decades to come… collect it all for god’s sake.



Sagittarius



Capricorn

Aquarius



Pisces



 Aries



Gemini

 Taurus

 Cancer



Leo

 Virgo



August 23 - September 22

Libra

September 23 - October 22

Invest your stat points in charisma, diplomatic options will play a large part in your future gear acquisition.

Illustrations illustrated by Charles Bertram Jones

Charmings because, after all, the path to true love never runs smooth. I will even reject suitor after suitor (regardless of their appearance) whilst searching for one specific person that has caught my eye on campus, despite not even knowing if they’re even signed up! I flirt… on LinkedIn Yes boys, if we’ve never spoken but I’ve viewed your profile on LinkedIn that is my way of telling you you’re hot (SO CHECK YOUR ACCOUNT NOW, LET’S CAUSE A LINKEDIN SHUTDOWN). If in turn, you happen to view my profile too, I can only assume it’s because the feeling is mutual. I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure a LinkedIn profile view is the new Facebook poke... ;) I’m persistent… if the lighting is right. Club lighting does wonders. I’ll do laps of XL just trying to get a good look at you without ever approaching you - and if I do approach you, I’ll tell you “my friend wants to know if it’s hard being pretty”. Such a resilient chat-up line - good for 16 year old boys AND 22 year old girls. Surprisingly, these methods aren’t as fool-proof as I anticipated. The guy I went on a date with only served to confirm every terrible stereotype and generalisation women have about the male specimen. That said, I am trying to regain my optimistic outlook; I am ready and willing to be proven wrong. After all, I am the girl that awoke after a night of lacklustre intimacy only to discover the ‘lad’ had pissed on my t-shirt and stolen my friend’s roll-on. The only way is up. I’ll see you on Tinder, view you on LinkedIn and stalk you in da club, boys…

You feel lost, you set oﬀ from a destination and arrived at a departure… vacuum-packed overpriced meals invade your subconscious. Running on jet power,you ﬂy into obscurity.

Horoscopes writed by Jizzmax Godotron

Monday 24th March 2014

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Snuzzly Puzzly Zone Quick Quiz 1. In Aztec mythology, Tezcatlipoca, the god of the night sky, has the ability to transform into which big cat? 2. Who wrote Piers Plowman, one of the classics of Middle English literature? 3. “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” is the anthem of which football team? 4. How many hearts does an octopus have? 5. Which bespoke gentleman’s tailor is located at No. 1 Savile Row, London? 6. What is the UK’s southernmost national park? 7. What is the only bone in the human body not directly connected to another? 8. In the context of offal, what are an animal’s “lights”? 9. What was Stanley Kubrick’s final film as director? 10. What sort of animal is a spermophile? Rules for Pinwheels:

Pinwheels

Subdivide the grid into regions such that each contains exactly one dot, about which it has 180-degree rotational symmetry.

Quiz at the Fleece

Quiz Answers:

1. Jaguar, 2. William Langland, 3. West Ham, 4. Three, 5. Gieves &Hawkes, 6. Dartmoor, 7. The hyoid bone, 8. Its lungs 9. Eyes Wide Shut, 10. A ground squirrel

If you like these puzzles, then you might also like to go along to a quiz hosted and written by our resident genius Dorian Lidell. Unequality

Head down to Golden Fleece every Wednesday at 8PM, starting April the 2nd. It’s £1 entry per person, teams may have a maximum of four members and first prize is all the entry money.

Rules for Unequality:

Puzzles created by Dorian Lidell

Enter the numbers 1–5 into the grid so that each number appears precisely once in each row and column. A greater-than sign (>) between two cells indicates that one number must be larger than its neighbour.

Rules for Rectangulon: Subdivide the grid into rectangles such that each contains precisely one numbered square and has area equal to that number.

Rectangulon

Down 1 Greek letter (5) For all puzzle 2 Suggest indirectly (9) solutions, visit our facebook page and 3 Propel (a boat); line of objects; quarrel (3) Across like, to view. 4 Greatly, exceedingly (2,3) 1 Greek letter (7) 5 Swimming competition in which 5 Augustin-Jean _______: French pioany stroke may be used (9) neer of optics (7) 6 Kill off completely, eradicate (11) 9 In a different place (9) 7 Japanese spy-assassin (5) 10 Latin-American dance (5) 8 Big cat (4) 11 Invertebrate animal such as an earth12 Semiprecious azure gemstone worm or leech (7) (5,6) 13 Run naked through a public place; 14 Disorderly or dirty condition; run of luck (6) military dining hall (4) 15 Social gathering exclusively for men, 15 Ill, out of sorts; vomit; (slang) as before marriage (4,5) brilliant, awesome (4) 17 Progeny; problem; to emit (5) 16 Shyness, reservedness (9) 19 Strategical board game (5) 18 Southern African gazelle (9) 20 Book of synonyms (9) 22 Board for supposedly contacting 21 Artwork formed of tesserae; disease the spirit world (5) of plants (6) 23 Tine of a fork (5) 23 Former German monetary unit (7) 24 Distinctive arrangement and 26 Incan calculating device (5) orientation of wood fibres (5) 27 Irrational fear of the new (9) 25 Water (4) 29 Extreme greed (7) 28 Agricultural implement (3) 30 Small pickled cucumber (7)

Poetry Corner Home Comforts There is something satisfying Something comforting Something that you miss about the Clunk of the fridge door, the Chatter from the television set. On Guide camp, we’d share stories Of what we would do first Upon arriving back. The ideas varied. Jumping on a mattressed bed – That was a favourite. Flicking a light, flushing a loo, phoning a friend. But really Just being at home Familiar sofa, Colours other than grass, mud and sunburn Washing smoke’s smell from your hair Was enough. And invariably No matter how grand our plans had been, we Sank Down onto the couch And reached for the remote. Home.

Poem by Lily Morris