impact_vol9_issue11

impact student

Tuesday 11th March 2008 Volume 9 Issue 11 www.bathimpact.com

And the Winners Are...

Josh Cheesman News Editor news@bathimpact.com THE VOTES cast in the Students’ Union’s 2008 Sabbatical Elections were counted on Friday, and next year’s Sabbs were announced at a packed Flirt.

Alex Nicholson-Evans defeated Helen Reed by a large majority to become SU President, while Vice President Communications was a hotly contested position, Tom Major just beating ChiokSing Li, ahead of Seb Ashton and Simon Hartley. CurrentVicePresidentActivities & Development Hayden Arrowsmith was successful in his campaign for a second term, beating off competition from Andy Tapping and Nick Wilcox, but Daisy Meyland-Smith lost out to Helen Sawyer

forthepositionofVicePresidentWelfare & Campaigns. As had been expected, unopposed candidates Katie Mabery and James Christmas won the positions of Vice President Education and Vice President Sport respectively.

“IthinkI’magoodrepresentativeofthe student opinion and the student voice,” said Miss Nicholson-Evans, “and if you have any questions or anything you need tobeputtotheUniversity,IthinkI’man idealcandidatetolistentoyouropinions and put them forward.” The main issues that she has promised to tackle this year are improving the bus service to and from campus, and making sure that student minorities,suchasinternationalstudents and postgraduates, are better integrated into the Students’ Union.

Tom Major, VP Communications,

In

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has pledged to increase student participation in the SU, and to use the media societies and BathStudent. com to make sure everyone is aware of what’s going on in their Union. “I believe that the most important role of the SU is to enable students. Enable them to experience new things, enable them to learn, and enable them to succeed.”

Hayden Arrowsmith is unique in that he is the only continuing Sabb this year. “The Sabb job is a really big job, and it takes a long time to learn it,” he commented. “I’ve been learning since June last year, and I now feel like I’ve found my feet in the role. I can continue this into next year, and work really proactively from the start.” As well as building upon his work from

this year, Mr Arrowsmith has promised to strengthen the relationship with the committee members of various societies.

VP Welfare & Campaigns Helen Sawyer was not on campus on election night. However, her manifesto features many radical proposals, including an SU-run letting agency, late night buses, and free prescriptions for students.

For VP Education Katie Mabery, making students aware of the support thatisavailabletothemisatoppriority.

“I’ve had a great time here at University, but at times it really hasn’t been easy.

I’ve suffered from personal issues that have massively affected my degree and my exams, and I want all students to know that there’s support out there for them, and that it’s easy to ask for

help.” She also wants to deal with overcrowding, getting better facilities for the University, and improving the communication between academic reps and other students.

VP Sport James Christmas is eager to improve participation for students of all abilitylevelsinsport,whethertheyplay competitively or just for laughs. “The University of Bath make having fun veryeasy,throughthebrilliantfacilities we have here and how easy they are to use and how cheap they are to use.

Basically, I’d like to communicate with all of you how easy they are to use, so you know just how much you can get out of your time here through sport, and have fun and make friends.”

See Page 2 for interviews with all the winning candidates.

this week...

Fashion at Bath.

Features, Page 10

Why do we love cute animals?

Look! Ant or Dec was on campus.

Science, Page 15

Sport, Page 24

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TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

News - Sabbatical Elections

And here they are...

Our new and improved Sabb team: The students of Bath have spoken... Your brand new Students’ Union Sabbatical Officers have been chosen - and impact were the first to get deep down and dirty after the results came in.

SU President

VP Communications

VP Activities & Development

VP Welfare & Campaigns

VP Education

VP Sport

Alex NicholsonEvans impact: So, SU President, it’s the big one – what are you going to do now that you’re in office?

ANE: Fulfil my promises.

All of them! impact: What are you going to change, going from an allmale Sabb team to a new, girlier office of communications?

ANE: There’s nothing that the gender thing will really affect that much. impact: So you’re saying that this Sabb team is just going to be the same as last year’s?

ANE: No, I’m not saying that at all. I just want to make sure that we can take the good work with have and build on that. impact: You were up against Helen, another strong candidate, who’s had a lot of experience in the Students’ Union. Why do you think that the electorate chose you?

ANE: That’s a really hard question to answer, just because she’s a friend. I think they probably chose me based on my enthusiasm, but I’m not sure. impact: When people look back on your year as SU President, what do you think is going to be the main thing that they remember?

ANE: The time when the Union became the best it’s ever been, when buses actually ran on time, and the time everyone felt they were fully involved.

The best year of their lives.

Fact. impact: Will you be asking people to call you Ma’am President?

ANE: I think Princess… I’m happy with Alex. impact: Who would win in a fight between the VC and an elephant on acid?

ANE: The VC. Have you seen her sometimes? Actually, unfortunately, I think the elephant would win, they’re quite strong.

Tom Major impact: So how are you feeling about the results?

TM: I’m not sure it’s quite sunk in yet, but it feels amazing. impact: So what are your big plans for the coming year?

TM: As I said earlier, I just want to get as many people involved in all the great things available as possible. Make it so that everyone can look back at their time here and say that they got the most out of University. impact: Did you ever get through to ground control?

TM: I never did. Circuits dead, there’s something wrong.

I was waiting for that actually. impact: Yeah, it had to be done. If there was one thing you could achieve as VP Comms, what would it be?

TM: I hadn’t prepared for these questions, I wasn’t expectingthistohappen. Ireally want to increase the numbers in student participation, and I want to see a marked rise in the number of people who join the Students’ Union. I was surprised when I was campaigning at the number of students that weren’t members of BathStudent. I’d like to change that. impact: What’s your relationship going to be this year with BathStudent and the media societies? Are you going to keep a tight rein on them, or are you going to give them relative freedom?

TM: I’m a fan of freedom of speech obviously, but I think that the media groups are there primarily as members of the Students’ Union, and therefore they should be representative of the Students’ Union, and not merely representative of the contributors. So I want to try and make sure that there’s a balanced view. impact: Who do you think would win in a fight between the current VP Comms Andy Burton and a large grizzly bear?

TM: Definitely Andy Burton, he’s as hard as nails.

Hayden Arrowsmith impact: So how are you feeling? Another year!

HA: An hour ago, I had no emotions – I was just sat next door and didn’t really know what was going on. Right now, I’m just absolutely over the moon and I can’t put into words how it feels to be here for another year. It means so much, not just to myself but to everyone who I’ve worked with. impact: What was it about your campaign that you think won it for you?

HA: I spent so long just trying to talk to students and let them know what was going on. impact: Being the incumbent, some people have suggested that that gave you an unfair advantage. Do you believe that’s true?

HA: I wouldn’t say unfair.

It’s certainly an advantage, but I don’t think it’s unfair to have that experience. If anything, that benefits the rest of the Students’ Union. impact: So you think you can improve upon what you did this year?

HA: Definitely, yeah, without a doubt. I’m a known person within the SU, so that obviously helps. impact: Have you heard the rumours that during your campaign you filmed a sex video in order to boost your hopes, and is there any substance to these rumours?

HA: I was undoubtedly told the rumours by various people.

I wish I could say there was some substance to it, but I’d be lying. impact: They do say there’s no smoke without fire. Were you maybe partially nude, from the waist up or something like that?

HA: There’s two fundamental elements to having a sex video: there’s the sex part and the video part. The other part’s OK but I’m lacking the video. Or possibly the other way round.

Helen Sawyer [Helen wasn’t present at the announcement, so we approached instead one of herdefeated rivals foraninterview,theever-present RON. This is what the huskyvoiced smooth-talker had to say] impact: So, RON, what do you stand for?

RON: I stand for Re-Open Nominations. impact: OK, so what would be the first thing you did, if you got elected?

RON: I dunno, really. I’d ask theothercandidates,first,ifthey fancied another shot at it, to be honest. I’m not bothered. impact: You’ve put yourself forward for every position, every year…

RON:I’menthusiastic,innit. I don’t win out much, though. impact: Do you ever get a bit disheartened that you’ve never won?

RON: Nah, I always bounce back, mate, always bounce back. impact: What do you think about Helen Sawyer, the candidate who beat you for this particular position?

RON: I think that she’s worthy of the position. She’s a lovely girl – lovely yellow t-shirt. All week long. impact: Will we be seeing you again next year?

RON: I would almost guarantee that I’ll be back around. I never go away. impact: Can you give us any hints as to what your campaign might be next year – any big surprises?

RON: I’d guess at bugger all.

I won’t lie. impact: VP Activities & Development – what were you doing? 55 votes!

RON: I know. Really let me eye off the ball there.

Clearly I was up against some real contenders in Mr Wilcox, the chav man and, of course, Aerosmith. He’s been around for years – it’s the way he walks that did it, to be honest.

Katie Mabery impact: How does it feel to be elected VP Education?

KM: Fantastic! I’m so grateful for everyone for voting for me and supporting me. It’s gonna be a great year; we’re going to work so hard. impact: What do you think of the job that has been done by Tom Milburnandthisyear’sSabbatical team?

KM: Tom in particular has done a fantastic job – he’s been working really hard towards the QAA; he made some really great improvements with the Academic Rep system, so hopefully I can continue his good work next year. impact: If you had unlimited resources and could do whatever you wanted as VP Education, what would you do?

KM: I’d build more facilities – we haven’t got enough for the number of students we have. We need more social space; we need more lecture space. impact: What do you think people are going to remember as the thing you did for them in your year as Sabb?

KM: That’s a very difficult question! Hopefully help improve the student experience; hopefully get the online Academic Rep elections going; hopefully have a really successful QAA audit – lots of things! impact: How are you going to go about giving students better feedback?

KM:Ithinkit’sadifficultone because each department requires different types of feedback, so it’sreallyacaseofgoingtoeach department individually and finding out what the students like and dislike about what they’ve got already. impact: Who do you think would win in a battle between the Vice-Chancellor and Dave Austin, current SU President?

KM: I think the VC, to be honest. She seems like a pretty tough lady. impact: She’s a formidable woman.

James Christmas impact: How are you feeling?

JC: Pretty happy, you know.

Quite pleased with myself. impact: What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you start as Sabb?

JC: The first thing I can do is learn as much as I can off Rich in the two weeks we have together.

I know he’s done a lot for sport in Bath, and I know that that’s the right way to go, so I’m a keen supporter of everything he’s done. From there, who knows? impact: What do you see as the big challenge for sport in the coming year?

JC: I know there’s a lot of talk of elitism at Bath, which I think is partly true. But in the four years I’ve been here, it’s gradually reduced and I want to reduce it even further. A lot of people I’ve spoken to in the last couple of weeks don’t actually know just how easy it is to use our facilities. impact: How are you going to get more students involved in sport, outside of intra-murals – for example, disabled students?

JC: One of the things I’m keen to do is set up a student support group, a volunteer group of people that, every now and again, would be happy to help out with disabled students. impact: What’s the first thing you’re going to do to celebrate?

JC: I’ve got quite a few mates out in Flirt, so I’ll go and see them, get a little bit drunk, and then try and sober up for a hockey match tomorrow morning in Exeter! impact: If you could invent any sport to be played at the University, what would it be?

JC: That’s a toughie. Um… something with a bit of violence, I think would be quite good.

Light-hearted, but a bit of violence, a bit of push and shove. impact: Rollerball?

JC: Maybe.

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

IMPACT

Coming Soon: Beating the 20 New Unis? Cheating

MRUNIVERSITY: John Denham ponders the creation of twenty new universities.

Josh Cheesman News Editor news@bathimpact.com

THE GOVERNMENT has announced that up to twenty new universities are going to be built in the next six years, at a cost of £150m.

The Universities Secretary, John Denham, announced last week plans to expand Britain’s higher education by building universities in towns which at the moment have no such institution, many of which suffer from high unemployment. Towns are invited to enter a ‘university challenge’, where they will be considered as a site for a new campus. Peterborough is among the sites currently being discussed.

Denham said that he wants “to give communities the chance to show that they can make the most of the power of higher education, help unlock the talent of their local people and help make them better off.”

Universities provide a substantial boost to the economy, contributing around £50bn a year and creating 60,000 jobs. Graduates also have lower levels of unemployment – 2.9% compared to 6% for those without a degree. However, pressure may already be too high on young people to go to university. A recent report showed that thedropoutrateforstudentsiscurrently 22%, and at some universities it is even

higher; 18% of undergraduates at the University of Bolton quit after their first year alone.

The plans have been met with some scepticism by those who view them merely as part of the government’s aim to get 50% of young people into higher education. The Conservatives have said that they fully support creating new campuses in cities that need them, but also mentioned the fact that the government recently cut £100m from the budget for encouraging adults to go back to college or university after periods of work.

“The British university is a really proud and distinguished brand, and we must not dilute it by calling any academic activity a university,” said David Willetts, the Conservative education spokesman. “We have also seen the Open University very badly hit by cuts, so the current plans are deeply confused.”

Gemma Tumelty, NUS President, said that the “NUS welcomes any move to widen participation,” but added that “we need to be careful not to create a multi-tier system whereby young people from poorer backgrounds are funnelled into their local institution.

The Government will have to ensure that these new campuses are given adequate support and funding, and also to ensure that there is a move towards social inclusion, rather than ghettoization.”

Postgraduates: Get Your Voices Heard

Marcel Oomens News Contributor

THE POSTGRADUATE Association’s annual general meeting (AGM) will be held in Elements this Wednesday between 4 and 5pm.

If you are a postgraduate, then this is your chance to voice your opinion.

In the meeting, postgraduates from alltaughtorresearchcoursesareinvited to contribute to the work done by the postgraduate association, and topics that can be raised include university timetabling and issues with coursework, but also the socials the society puts on, and any transportation issues you may

hands-on knowledge of good writing skills. There are also books available to borrow that give detailed outlines THE UNIVERSITY of Bath is to of correct referencing and discuss the promote a renewed campaign to problems of plagiarism. However, warn freshers about the dangers of these seem mainly to be aids for plagiarism, and are also offering a teachers rather then students. It new online guide on how to write appears that Epigeum would be used effective academic essays. to get the basic message across in a The online tool, called Epigeum, more accessible way than by using is to be advertised this week through these books. the University’s website, and it offers With the launch of this new campaign an interactive display into the main there have been new questions raised dangers of plagiarism, and how to regarding the motives for plagiarism avoid it. the first place.

VP Education Tom in In an exclusive SU Vice President M i l b u r n w o n d e r s for Education Tom demonstration of w h e t h e r s t u d e n t s Milburn wonders the software to p l a g i a r i s e p u r e l y whether students impact, it was t o g a i n m a r k s , o r plagiarise purely observed that whether it occurs out to gain marks, or Epigeum presents a of desperation. series of thorough whether it occurs examples on the benefits of academic out of desperation after encountering referencing, the different types of major problems with their work or in plagiarism, and interactive quizzes their personal life. At the moment on the best ways to credit a variety evidence for this is mainly anecdotal, of sources. but it is hoped that this concern will The guide is a new part of the be investigated in the future.

University’s strategy to educate Hannah South believes that students on the dangers of copying concerns about plagiarism arise for other peoples’ work. Speaking to many reasons, especially given the impact, librarian Hannah South strictness surrounding the rules of explains how the University will academic referencing. For example, use the guide alongside traditional with so much material available training sessions run by the library online today it can make it easier and the Students’ Union. to copy. There can also be issues The University also has a with personal time management, subscription to the Turnitin plagiarism especially considering the onus on detection service, but text-matching self-study present at a University. software has limitations; the results Hannah South said that the library are ‘only a guide’ to academics. will continue to offering training Without it, if there is a problem with sessions and is keen to work with an essay, checking it is much more the Students’ Union to find the best time-intensive. timing for these. Ultimately, it is The library also runs a series always best to learn good literature of classes, in association with the searching and referencing skills as SORTED programme, to give students early as possible.

Matthew Hartfield Deputy News Editor

have. Anything that may affect you in your postgraduate life and you feel should be discussed is relevant.

Whether you are a Masters or a PhD student, and whether you have issues to raise or just want to sit in on the discussion to find out what is affecting other postgraduates, everybody is invited to attend the meeting. Issues can be raised by e-mail prior to the meeting or you can just mention them on the day.

The more people attend, the better.

At times it can be daunting being a postgraduate, as the events that are put on by the Students’ Union are largely aimed at the undergrads. The PGA is there to help and this event is your chance to get involved.

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News

Out to Lunch Eddie Bell VP Welfare and Campaigns SUCampaigns@bath.ac.uk

FOLLOWING THE launch of the Students’ Union postcard campaign for the University to build a Student Centre that would alleviate all the social space requirements at Bath, we’ve managed to get a large number of cards signed but need even more. Through the last week of term the Sabbs and their dedicated team of volunteers will be trying to get as many cards signed as possible, so if you see them please add your signature to mark your support.

On Friday 14th March we’re encouraging all students to join us on the Parade to eat lunch between 1pm and 2pm. There’s never enough space on campus to have lunch and this often leads to people having to sit on the floor, so why not join us outside and let the University management know how bad it is.

Uni Challengers Josh Cheesman News Editor news@bathimpact.com

THE UNIVERSITY of Bath has announced the team it will be entering in the next series of quiz show University Challenge.

The four team members are Bram Houtenbous (MA Contemporary European Politics), Russell McKenna (MPhil/PhD Research in Mechanical Engineering), James Wilson (MMath Mathematics) and Steve Raper (MSc Mathematical Biology). Jo Legg (MRes European Politics) is the reserve contestant.

The team have applied to Granada Television, the company who produce University Challenge, and if their entry is accepted, they could be starting for 10 very soon. impact asked team member Steve Raper what how he felt about being chosen. He replied: “It’s Paxtastic!”

Simply the Best Mark James News Contributor

PLAGIARISM: Handy, but with the University’s new measures, hard to get away with.

A LECTURER from the Department of European Studies and Modern Languages has been voted the University of Bath’s greatest lecturer in an online poll.

Dr Steve Wharton, a Senior Lecturer in French and Communication, topped a month-long Facebook poll in which students were asked: “Who do you think is the greatest lecturer at the University?”

Given a choice of over 100 lecturers from every Department of the University, 14% of the 869 respondents plumped for the veteran Dr Wharton, who joined the University in 1990 and recently served two sabbatical years as President of the Universities and Colleges Union.

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Violin Legend on Campus Alexander Balanescu & Ada Milea: The Island Friday 14 March, 7.30pm ICIA Arts Theatre Tickets £15, Concessions £12, University staff £12, BUSU £7

IN A quest to reconnect with his Eastern European roots, virtuoso violinist Alexander Balanescu, leader of the internationally renowned Balanescu

Quartet, turns to Romania as inspiration for The Island.

Working with Ada Milea, an extraordinary young radical Romanian vocalist actress and songwriter, he has composed a remarkable song cycle.

Sung in English, The Island is inspired by the classic Robinson Crusoe story but with an improbable twist. As retold by pre-war Romanian surrealist poet Gellu Naum, Robinson is now a

haunted recluse alone on his island, although he is surrounded by many people, animals and things.

Ada Milea gives a startling stage performance, capitalising on her unique story-telling abilities alongside Alex Balanescu’s extraordinary violin performance and gift for melody.

Raising questions about identity and memory, they create a moving parable, totally outside of normal music performance. Ada Milea’s cult reputation rests on her ability to shift rapidly between emotions and characters, blurring the boundaries between theatre and music.

Tribute to a Dying Father

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Arts The Sound of Silence

THE UNIVERSITY was graced last week with the presence of Joanna MacGregor, an internationally renowned pianist. The performancewasspectacular,andfeatured an eclectic mix of pieces, from Schumann to Nina Simone.

One of the more interesting pieces was one whose existence I had previously been completely oblivious to, entitled 4’33” (four minutes thirty-three seconds). The premiseofthispieceisthatitisessentially nothing. Silence. For four minutes and thirty-threeseconds,theaudiencesitsin silence as the performer counts the time onastopwatch(amusingly,therearethree sections of the piece, each of varying lengths, and the performer turns a sheet ofblankmusictoindicatethetransitions between them).

The piece, by American composer John Cage, is designed so that what is heard during its performance are the sounds of theenvironmentwithinwhichitis‘played’.

During Joanna MacGregor’s concert, the piece consisted of a monotonous hum, presumably from some electrical equipment, the music from the Parade Bar above University Hall, and some people coughing. Itwascertainlyfascinatingto listentothesoundofnothingness(which, for silence, was pointedly audible).

Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of this piece is that it can performed by anyone, anywhere. The BBC Symphony Orchestra broadcast a version of it on Radio 3, and the station had to switch off the emergency backup system which kicks in when dead air is detected. The idea of thelisteningtothepiecebeingperformed on the radio makes me smile. Perhaps a live television version will be next?

Tom Newman Arts Officer

Exhibition - Polly Gould: Peninsular Saturday 1 March - Friday 20 June ICIA Art Space 1 £3 BUSU Box office: 01225 386777, Web: www.bath.ac.uk/icia IN THE time of waiting, with nothing

to be done, Gould made a few drawings of her dying father lying against the white expanse of the bed sheets.

Still mourning as the third anniversary of his death approached, she resolved to undertake a journey to one of the most remote and least human places in the world, the Antarctic Peninsular. She took the drawings of him with her, and set them out there,

amongst the penguins and ice and the white expanse of glaciers.

In Peninsular, international artist Polly Gould explores mourning, melancholia, and the romantic theme of the artist’s lonely journey into awesome and sublime nature, through video, photography and drawing made during her trip to the Antarctic.

The Best of the Rest Global Group Tuesday 11 March, 7.30pm ICIA Arts Theatre Tickets via society: www. bathstudent.com/societies

A SHOWCASE of performances from around the world by the student group set up to promote links between International and British students.

Bath Area Malaysian & Singaporean Association Thursday 13 March, 7.30pm ICIA Arts Theatre Tickets via society: www. bathstudent.com/societies THE RICH Malaysian and Singaporean culturecontainsarangeofraces,cultures

and nationalities showcased through the performing arts at this one-off performance.

BODYSOC IS Bath University’s Dance Society. We welcome anyone, any style and any level of dance. BodySoc holds highly popular and successful shows, incorporating a great variety of dance and collaborating with other dance-oriented societies. BodySoc also holdssocialevents,tripstomusicalsand shows and is looking forward to hosting workshops.

busms:

BODYSOC - SALIGIA: Seven Sins Wednesday 9 - Saturday 12 April, 7.30pm ICIA Arts Theatre Tickets £7, Concessions £5 THIS ORIGINAL and inventive show uses a range of choreographic styles to explore the infamous seven deadly sins (SALIGIA is an old mnemonic based on the first letters in Latin of the seven deadly sins). Produced by students from the University of Bath’s effervescent dance society, it features

society factfiles: bodysoc:

a variety of performances from guest societies, including the Breakdancers, the Cheerleaders, Latin and Ballroom and the Salsa Society.

THE AIMS of BUSMS are to enhance and promote skills in voice, movement and characterisation. This year we have a number of workshops to enable everyone to become involved and learn about musical theatre.

Ifyou’reinterestedinacting,singing, dancing, directing, producing, costumes and performing as part of a show band, why not come along to our taster workshops and see if BUSMS is for you?

If you like what we do, join us online

to access our members’ page with details of further workshops and socials!

If you have any questions or would like any further information, please contact the society chair, Sophie Wahlich, on slw23@bath.ac.uk.

gravity vomit:

WHAT DO We Do? We do juggling and circus skills. Exactly? Oh, you wantalist? Wedoball,club,knife,ring, contact,fireballandfireclubjuggling, devilstick,firedevilstick,diabolo,fire diabolo, stilt walking, unicycling, fire staff, cigar boxes, balloon modelling and a whole host of other manipulative miscellanea. Basically, IF GRAVITY PULLS DOWN, WE THROW UP! Meetings are: Wednesday evenings, 7pm-9pm, Amphitheatre Friday afternoons, 2.15pm-4.05pm, Arts Barn Come along and try something new and exciting!

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Comment

Stand Back Everyone, the President Needs Some More Social Space!

Dave Austin SU President SUPresident@bath.ac.uk ‘SOCIAL SPACE,’ ‘meeting space,’ ‘dispersed student services,’ ‘masterplanning,’ ‘building strategy’; all words I no doubt suspect you’ve heard over the last two weeks. You’ve also probably heard of the fancy petition which the Union have been running, and to show your support you should sign one of the postcards.

So why does the SU consider this to be its top priority? The answer to this question is simple; because you’re telling us it should be! The Student Opinion Survey (SOS) has allowed, for the first time, ordinary students to have a direct input into the priorities and strategic development of the Union. 88% of the 2099 students who completed the survey said that the

most important issue for them was to feel part of the student community.

Another piece of invaluable research in this area was the social space survey, completed in the summer of 2007.

Social space is of particular relevance at this moment in time.

That survey was completed by 1,114 students, of which 952 said they would be more likely to enrol to a university that had good social space provision. The results of that survey also resulted in access to a microwave available for use in Elements, after 522 of you asked for it. This is another small example of “you said…we did.”

Student engagement into the union is crucial to ensure the union stays relevant to its members and we are

campaigning for the issues that matter to you.

Socialspaceisofparticularrelevance at this moment in time. The University are going through an extensive masterplanning exercise where they are deciding the building strategy for the next twenty or so years.

It is of vital importance that, as part of this, the University makes a significant investment into the wider student experience. Currently the Students’ Union has been able to develop services and opportunities in relatively poor and inappropriate accommodation. We are one of the best students’ unions in the country.

In 2007, we were awarded Students’ Union of the Year and recently have been accredited with Investing in Volunteers, alongside our longstanding Investor in People accreditation. In order to maintain our position and

to continue to develop the quality of our work, and to further enhance the student experience, we need physical infrastructure which will support and enable this work to flourish.

“T he SU strongly urges that this work be given a high priority within the Masterplan.”

From the research which the SU has conducted it has highlighted the need for the University to invest in student focused facilities which are accessible and offer a joined up approach to the provision of student support services.

In this context, a landmark Student Centre building, as a centre for ‘student life’ should be part of the University’s

Plan. The Centre would house all the current activity areas of the Students’ Union but would also be the centre for much of the student support service provision on campus. This would allow cross campus activity groups to be colocated and enable a joined up approach to the support of students and provide a focus for much of the cocurricular activity which is provided across the University.

The SU strongly urges that this work be given a high priority within the Masterplan. We feel that unless a major commitment is given by the University to make a significant investment in more appropriate and dedicated facilities for extraand co-curricular activity, we will increasingly appear less attractive than our benchmark Universities with a consequent effect on recruitment and student satisfaction.

Don’t Waste the Dosh, Derek!

Call For Action!

Ross Penstone-Smith

Marcel Oomens

AS YOU read this you will no doubt have already seen which six students have been elected your Sabbatical Officers for the next academic year.

They are, of course, all democratically elected by us, the student population of the University of Bath.

Similar, therefore, to MPs both here in the UK and MEPs in Brussels who are also democratically-elected officials that we elect and thus entrust to take key decisions on our behalf.

We therefore have a right to feel aggrieved when our money, as taxpayers, is not spent how we like, or on decisions taken that we may not agree with. Arguably though, we must accept that these MPs and MEPs are doing what they see as best for all citizens.

It is rather unfortunate therefore that in the past few weeks the use of expenses systems has come to light by MPs and MEPs, or rather the alleged misuse of expenses, by these elected officials who we elect to be honest, open and trustworthy.

You may have heard recently about the MP Derek Conway who employed his son as a researcher and although it is not against the rules to employ a family member, there are guidelines that MPs must adhere to, which MR Conway admitted to not abiding by.

Furthermore, it has also came to light that the Speaker of the House, Michael Martin, allegedly flew members of his family in businessclass from Glasgow to London for a New Year break using air miles gained from official trips.

Rather ironic therefore that it is Mr. Martin himself who is chairing a committee that oversees MPs’ expenses and is currently conducting a ‘root and branch’ review of the system in light of Mr. Conway’s actions.

Although hardly reported in the

THE TREATMENT we students get from the Bright Orange Bus operator First is getting worse and worse. I call upon all of you to send in your bus passes to First’s complaints department and ask for a partial refund once the term of your bus pass is over.

This year alone, the scandalous service First Group deems sufficient for students has made the news in this paper on numerous occasions. “Bus Drivers Strike Back” was the headline that decorated the front page of the previous issue of impact.

We spend our money on student bus passes, a lot of money, assuming we’ll be provided with the service we’re being promised. Indeed, in the terms & conditions on purchases of student bus passes supplied by First on their website, they specifically refer to timetable information supplied by Traveline. If it says there’s a bus running at 2:17 am, then there should be a bus service at 2:17 am.

The situation that arose on a fateful Saturday in February is yet another example for the contempt with which First Group treats students, and of the irresponsible behaviour they believe they can get away with when dealing with students.

FIVERS:Too many of these are spent on unknown stuff!

UK, this issue has coincidentally also raised its head in Brussels where the evidence of MEPs misusing their expenses is arguably more damaging.

There’s a 92-page document detailing exactly when and how certain MEPs (who are not named in the document) misused their expense allowance between 2004 and 2006.

The document has been compiled giving examples of where MEPs have blatantly abused the expenses system. This ranges from setting up accounts to which they pay supposed ‘assistants’ wages’ into, to paying for day care centres.

Another example is given in which expenses were used to pay a provider of wood supplies, whilst in another case, an MEP’s assistant was paid 19.5 times his monthly salary as a Christmas bonus. He had obviously done a really good job that year!

The European Budgetary control committee have voted not to make the document public, despite calls from many MEPs calling on them to do so. Chris Davies, the UK Liberal MEP who revealed the document’s existence, was one of many who lambasted the decision, saying: “This whole affair is shrouded in secrecy and this only serves to fuel the fires of suspicion.” I have to agree.

As much as I appreciate the reaction of the individual bus driver to alleged behaviour of some students, the pathetic reply the University security got when negotiating with First simply won’t do. It’s not good enough that First believes it must honour obligations under their insurance policy,butfeelsithasnoresponsibility towards its customers.

I’m not defending the few students who may have angered the bus driver earlier on that night with their drunken behaviour, but of course this doesn’t allow First to skive off their responsibilities to the majority of the student body who are responsible, or should I say docile, users of the ‘service’ First provides.

First Group must take responsibility for their actions and if enough students send in their bus passes and ask for a refund it will force them into a reaction. There’s every reason for First to show leniency after their horrible service record this year. I’ll leave you with the address for the complaints department, the rest is up to you.

I believe that elected officials should make their use of expenses public, as it is we as citizens who elect them and we as taxpayers who fund this use of expenses. The least we should know is how our money is being spent, and if there is nothing to hide then MPs and MEPs have nothing to worry about.

In light of these goings on in both the UK and in Europe, which only continue to undermine any trust and respect we have for politicians, it is little wonder that people are becoming Customer Services Department more apathetic and disengaged with Firstinfo Limited politics, but I will try end this piece on Intercity House a much more encouraging note.

North Road As we elect our own new Sabbatical Plymouth Officers for next year it is encouraging Devon from my personal experience that Bath PL4 6AB Students’ Union operates in a very open and honest manner and continues to do its best to put the views of students at the heart of everything it does with openness and integrity.

All minutes of meetings that Sabbs sit on are published and their doors are always open for you to talk with them about any issues you may have or they can be contacted via email.

BathStudent.com has a wealth of information about what is happening within BUSU and I hope this dialogue continues to grow in the future. THE LEGENDARY ORANGE BUS: Don’t you just love it?

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Comment

Bath Tories Have Been Liberal with the Truth

The Labour Society replies to the Conservative Future Society’s article in the last issue.

ON PAGE 10 of the last issue, dated 25th of February 2008, we were greatly displeased by some of the comments made by Darien Jay, Vice Chair of Bath CF, in the article headlined “Bath’s Conservative Future Visit Parliament”.

While the content of the article was of no concern, in fact, we congratulate the society for staging the visit, the article itself raised several red flags. The first is that, leaving understandably biased commentary aside (e.g “Mr Speaker, the Prime Minister’s saviour”), was that while talking of Parliament, Jay wrote, “Such a building, so steeped in tradition and adorned with placards representing British military success serves to stir up national pride in even the most liberal of Britons”.

There are evidently two key grievances with this sentence alone.

The first pertains to the phrase “most liberal of Britons” and the second regards the issue of “military success”.

Essentially, it is nothing short of disgraceful on the part of the Conservatives to suggest that citizens who identify themselves as ‘liberal’ are not normally proud of the nation.

This is a callous attack directed towards not only us of the Labour Society (and indeed the Liberal Democrat Society), but a huge section of the public yet unaffiliated with a particular party. To imply that Liberalism is somehow deliberately regressive is entirely ridiculous. To us Labourites, it is clear that each political party, despite its differences

fashioned Toryism. It is unspecific which successes were mentioned, but it is likely to be the Napoleonic War, which ended 194 years ago, the Second World War, which ended over 60 years ago, or the Falklands War, which ended 26 years ago. Such nostalgia is superfluous and outdated; we should be going forward, not back.

For all the claims of modernisation, it seems old Thatcherite nationalism is still alive and well.

We have no qualms with the Conservative Future Society, and will agree to disagree, but to us it seems that harking back to the days of the Empire is no example of ‘national pride’. A patriot loves his country, a nationalist hates everyone else’s, and stubborn celebration of crushing other LABOUR’SLOVE: Hereishowmuchnationalpride“LiberalBritons”feel!nations is incredibly small-minded. in philosophy and policy, does not wish to damage Britain. We want what is best for the country, we believe in a long-term strategy rather than opportunism, and we would welcome cross-party agreement and

we invite the Conservatives to issue an apology.

Furthermore, suggesting “British military success” is the most forceful trigger of ‘national pride’ is redundant and a perfect example of old-

In the Students’ Union we Trust...

Philip Bloomfield evaluates the democratic accountability of the Students’ Union, arguing that the elected faces of the Union should not have their hands tied down.

Philip Bloomfield Ents Editor ents@bathimpact.com

BEFORE I start, it is important to note that this article in no way constitutes an attackupontheSabbaticalOfficersatthis University, nor upon the permanent body of union staff, all of whom I have had considerable contact with during my time at impact, and whose views and efforts I respect,regardlessofwhetherIcompletely agree with those views or efforts.

Similarly, this article is not to be considered as an attack solely upon Bath Students’ Union, as I believe it identifies a systemic fault which has become commonplace amongst many students’ unions across the country, from the information I have gleaned from my friends who have spent time in other universities.

Itseemsfairlypertinent,intheaftermath

of the annual Sabbatical elections and the rush of excitement, bad slogans and ‘interesting’ campaigning methods that accompanies this event, to look a little closer at who and what really runs the modernstudents’unionandtherolethatit has assumed.

Whenaskedwhoisincontrolofhisorher union,theaveragestudentwouldreplythat itwasthedemocratically-electedSabbatical Officers;thosepro-activeandenthusiastic union politicians who have campaigned sohardfortheprivilegetotakeayearout to invest time in enhancing the so-called ‘student experience’ on campus.

These men and women are certainly nobleintheiraspirations,yetuponentrance intoofficetheywillfindthemselvessubject to all forms of obstacles placed in their path.

Yet the primary thrust of my argument isthatitisnowtheinstitutionthatcontrols thedemocratically-electedofficers,rather

than vice versa. Imagine if the UK civil serviceweretohavecontroloverthePrime Minister, as depicted in Yes, Minister.

Sabbatical Officers are made into the ‘human face’ of the union, and have become partofaprogressiveunionagendawhichis often determined by the permanent, paid managers of the union.

I am not questioning whether the intentions of these managers support the wishes of the student body; indeed, I believe that their professionalism often means that they are better equipped to deal with issues raised in many student situations. Yettheirprofessionalismhas led to them becoming the chief decision makerswithintheunion,detailingwhatis andwhatisnotagainstaunionpolicywhose chief aims and concerns are not decided by anyone elected democratically.

Letustaketheexampleofthecensorship of impact last year. For those of you unaware of the situation, impact was

banned from reporting about a fight (by non-University members) in the bar, as it apparently showed union staff in bad light.

I do not believe that the Sabbatical Officers had any problem with impact reportingthis;theirinitialreactionwasthat itwasjust‘news’. Yettherewereaseries of hasty visits from the VP Comms which ledtoushavingtopullthearticle. Thereis no doubt in my mind that this decision was made by union permanent managers, who fearedfortheeffectsuchanarticlemight have on the use of bar areas.

There are those who make the argument that bodies such as our Union Council constitutethehighestlevelofuniondecision making, above all of this.

Yet the fact remains that such bodies are secretive, cumbersome and cliquey, due to the general apathy of the student bodytowardswhattheyseeasbureaucratic unionpolitics. Andeveninthiscase,Union

Councilsaregenerallyadministeredunder the aegis of the Union Manager, who takes responsibilityforthevarioussectionsof the union.

Yet what is there to be done? Should we aim to cut the pay given to Sabbatical Officers by the union Administration, in an attempt to distance them from the administration?

Thisisplainlyaridiculoussuggestion, but the thought behind it is logical. The Sabbatical Officers need to be given the abilitytodothejobtheyareelectedfor, ratherthanjustactas‘representatives’of an institution.

We need to remove the machinery that makes unions bodies independent of real student opinions and make them instead directlyresponsibleforus,thestudents.

The union belongs to us, so let’s put the Sabbsbackontop. I’dratherhavesomeone unprofessional than someone undemocratic in charge.

...to Give the Official Response!

In response to Philip’s Article, Andy Burton, elected Sabbatical Officer responsible for Communications, says the problem does not lie with the decisions, but the communications!

Andy Burton VP Communications SUCommunications@bath.ac.uk

PHILIP BLOOMFIELD’S comment article ‘In Union We Trust’ is a well writtenarticlethatraisessomeinteresting points and it is useful to receive some constructive criticism that we can use to improve the Students’ Union. Firstly thank you to everyone that did take a few minutes last week to read candidate manifestos and vote in the Sabbatical elections. As a student and member of the Students’ Union it is your democratic righttobeabletovoteintheseelections and choose the students that represent

your views for the next academic year.

Highlighted in the article is the fact that students don’t necessarily know what happens in their Union, how decisions are made or what the Sabbs and staff do. Results from the recent Student Opinion Survey confirm that this is the case, 91% of students said that they did not know how decisions about running the SU are made. Only 50% of students said that they knew the roles of the sabbatical officers ‘very well’ or ‘fairly well’, and an even smaller 25% of students chose ‘very well’ or ‘fairly well’ for the role of Union Councillors.

In reality all decisions about policy

and strategy in the Students’ Union are made by students, whether that is elected officers or directly by members as in the recent referendum.

Sabbatical officers and the students that volunteer in other areas of the Union, including Union Council, are elected as representatives of students to make decisions every day on their behalf. The members of staff that work in the SU, including the managers and senior managers are essential to the smooth and effective running of the organisation. Of course they use their experience and expertise to make the decisions required on day to day operational and managerial basis in

order to develop the Students’ Union in line with the strategic plans set out by the Sabbs.

So the main concern is possibly not the way that decisions are made and what Sabbs do but instead it is that we are not informing students well enough about what actually happens. Since we carried out the Student Opinion Survey we have been analysing the results and looking at what students have said they would like improved. We will soon be publishing proposals that will outline how we intend to improve on those areas. One of these targets will undoubtedly be focused on the

way that we communicate decision making processes to students.

Another thing that will hopefully go some way to resolving this issue is a governance review that has been started recently. One of aims of this is to review the processes by which decisions are made and ensure that we are as transparent and understandable as possible while increasing the engagement with students and making it easier for students to get involved with the issues that matter to them.

This review was discussed last week at Union Council and more information will be available to students in the near future.

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Features

PERHAPS IT is unacceptable to resort to stereotyping a particular nationality, or assigning a certain characteristic to the inhabitants of one country. However, although of course generalisations such as “all English people are football hooligans” are inaccurate and unhelpful, since spending time abroad it has become clearto methatnational traits do exist.

For the Spanish, one such trait is quite simply a natural friendliness that I can’t help but admire.

In fact, I feel grateful to the Spanish for their affability: it is much easier to plough on with what appears to be a vain attempt to make yourself understood when the face you are stuttering to is encouraging rather than contemptuous. Almost everyone I speak to is extremely patient and there is clearly no offence taken by

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

Scant’s Regard: Sunny Folks in a Sunny Country? Laura’s Pleasantly Surprised!

Living in Spain, Laura Scantlebury has become accustomed to the truth behind the wonderful stereotype of Spanish friendliness, La Dolce Vita... or is that the wrong language? my blank looks and constant use of the refrain “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

In Spain, it is not shameful for a foreigner to have a low level of fluency. The natives are more than happy to help rectify the situation.

One particular lady who works in the university cafeteria seems to feel that she has a personal responsibility for my linguistic progress. After having ordered a “leche con cao” one too many times, I was duly advised that when I wanted a hot chocolate, what I should actually be asking for was known as a “Nesquik”. Likewise, my habit of pointing at a Danish pastry and saying “that” could not be allowed to continue. Informing me of its name – which I promptly forgot – the lady smiled at me contentedly and said “this way we improve your Spanish.”

It is not a crime to ask for directions or explanations. Most amazing of all, when I admitted to being vegetarian, instead of giving me the condemning look I was expecting, a kind waiter took it upon himself to provide a

specially made vegetarian alternative.

And I didn’t even have to pay for it - it was free food, tapas (a small snack offered free with a drink). I was suitably impressed.

The Spanish are a sociable bunch.

People of all ages promenade around town, sometimes arm in arm, nattering so much and – all their attention being thus engaged – walking so slowly that they become a human obstacle course.

Queuing, however, tends to strain relations somewhat, as I found out when attempting to obtain free tickets to a contemporary Spanish dance show. The over-sixties contingent was out in full force for the event; pushing, jostling and bickering were the order of the day. Unsure what was expected from them, the queuers craned their heads like a mob of meerkats (yes, that is the technical term) under threat. Yet between the suspicious glances at rival ticket chasers, animated conversation was flowing.

Remarkably, the only hostile person I have encountered was an employee

Travellingbug: An Alternative in International Volunteering James Jardella explains that you don’t have to be rich to volunteer.

WWW.TRAVELLINGBUG.COM Travellingbug is a newly established initiative intent on making volunteering abroad more accessible, for both the charity and the volunteer.

Ever been horrified at the cost of volunteering? Ask a company offering gap year placements where your placement fee goes. In nearly every case you will find that your fees will be justified by inflated overheads, though really creating company profit.

These huge fees – sometimes exceeding £2,000 – exclude many people who would like to work with international communities, they are just too expensive.

Travellingbug – set up by Bath students frustrated with the current situation – aims to provide a cheaper and more flexible means of volunteering abroad that benefits the charity and local community where volunteers go, and charges a one-off fixed fee of £350.

The aim: to run a business that makes both volunteering more accessible and a more sustainable income for povertystricken communities.

By travelling independently, volunteers pay third world prices instead of the UK mark-up for their travel arrangements. In Bolivia last year, eight Bath volunteers ate in the markets for 30p a meal, and stayed in a mansion-like hotel for £2.50 a night.

Volunteers can plan their own trip and do other things while out in Africa or South America. Last year,

HELPING OUT: The experience of a lifetime or just purely rewarding? some volunteers decided to take a weekend off and see the jungle, while others ate Argentian steak and trekked through Inca ruins in Peru, before or after working in Bolivian childcare centres.

A sum of £100 from each volunteer’s fee is donated directly to the charity with whom volunteers work, fuelling economic development. Microfinance schemes have been established such that last year’s volunteers’ fees have benefited over 250 families every day since October, and will do tomorrow.

Travellingbug, backed by SIFE Bath students, uses the rest of the volunteers’ fee to ensure there is a genuine need for them on location,

and to make sure that people work at responsible charities. Similarly, all volunteers are checked to be sure their time and skills will be well utilised at the charity.

This year, as well as working with the women’s and children’s welfare charity in Bolivia, a Ugandan charity has asked for a team of 20 Bath students to run a Summer Camp in August for the orphans in its care, and you are in demand! If you want to be a part of a project, now is the time to be applying.

All project details can be found at www.travellingbug.com, and you can get in touch with Maths undergraduate and project co-ordinator Ian Woolley, at irw22@bath.ac.uk.

at the Erasmus office at the university.

Why, when they have a country full of amicable people, the University of Alcalá chose to employ a surly young man with a Mr Darcyish propensity to hate everyone as the person to welcome their foreign students, is

beyond me. Friendly, the Spanish may be, but sensible they are not. Unless it was a ploy to prevent foreingers like myself from stereotyping the Spanish into the “exuberant Mediterranean” category of people. In which case, they failed miserably.

Imagine...

...if we didn’t have one of the most talked about, argued about, cried about, bled about, bombed about and worried about resources in the world.

DESPITE WIDESPREAD debate, the most relied-upon resource in our world is not chocolate. A fact’s a fact. Turning onthenewswillconfirmthatoilisavital resource, without which life cannot be imagined. Herewith I am disproving that last statement.

When I say oil I realise that I’m encompassing a fairly broad spectrum of topics. A plethora of images spring to mind: Greenpeace’s tireless mission to save seals from life-threatening oil-slicks, angry politicians (Saudis and Americans perhaps), Turkish massage parlours, salad dressings or fish and chips. We must remember that everything counts as oil, so let’s not be narrow-minded about this one.

We all know what the obvious implications would be. For that reason I’m going to concentrate on the things which we haven’t really considered but would probably miss sorely if they were taken away from us. The things we take for granted.

Firstly, I think I would miss moisturiser. Idon’tmeantosoundlike a prima donna, but I can’t imagine that the flaky skin look does me justice. Vaseline is handy too (apropos, I should probably invest in some and stop pestering my coursemates to lend me theirs. Sorry Chalene). Eyeliner. Mascara. Lipstick.

Femininity aside, let’s man up a bit and pay our respects to the cows. As an intelligent accomplice of mine pointed out, we would have to use a hell of a lot more butter. Udders don’t particularly appeal to me in the first place, but when

they’reallflaccid,shrivelledandtotally over-milked....eugh.

Elvis would never have sported his infamous quiff. No wellington boots, no life boats, no condoms, no fry-ups, no chips, no crispy bacon, no Full English.

Continental Breakfasts just won’t hit the spot. Finally, the commercial market would experience a significant loss through the obsolescence of the Rubber Duck industry. A truly tragic image springs to mind. Their dainty yellow bodies would become such a rarity, that every museum would wrestle to get their hands on one. People would come from near and far to gawk at them, incredulously asking themselves: “I wonder what people used to do with those things in the shower??” (A purely rhetorical question to which I don’t wish to get any raunchy replies. Thanks for the offer Phil). So as you can see, a pretty dire situation. A few less bloody wars would rage - a detail which I probably shouldn’t neglect to mention.

PS: Sorry Charlie, but imagining a world where your hot chocolate is actually cold just didn’t spark too many ideas in my feeble brain.

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Features

COMIC STRIPPING: “Salmon”

FASHION AT BATH STRIKES AGAIN

Brought to you by Ina, Gib and Oosie from Rebecca Stagg reports on the show, the models and that Ann Summers their website, http://www.tiedyeheart.com/ collection of last week’s Fashion @ Bath charity catwalk show.

Fortnightly Update: Are You Aware?

Josie Cox explore the news from the AWARE centre this week.

AMY YOUNG informs us of the main eventw which AWARE is dealing with this week. Firstly: housing for next years undergraduates, especially those who will be living off campus for the firsttime. Thereisstillplentyofprivate rented property available for next year on, try looking on www.bathstudentpad. co.uk, for example.

Also, the Counselling Service has recently launched a new way of making appointments. Packs and infomration are available in the AWARE office.

For those of you who will not be in Bath next year and are currently sorting out a placement, the AWARE placement handbook will be out after Easter for anyone who is worried or needs some support organising the year to come.

Last but not least, AWARE would also like to point out that Global Group is organising the next Global Evening on 11th March. For more information on services or AWARE in general, just pop into the Aware Lounge near the Plug Bar.

Internet Intermission Deputy Editor Adam Luqmani investigates the world of the Star Wars Spoof.

THIS WEEK I’m taking a look at some ofthebestthatthereistoofferusfromthe world of Star Wars parodies. Ever since theoriginalStarWars film was released in 1977,therehavebeen countless parodies and references to it – in films, comedy sketches and on the radio.

Naturally,manyof thesehavefoundtheir way to the internet.

One of my personal favourites is the mini series created by blamesocietyfilms.net, ‘Chad Vader – Day Shift Manager’. In it, a character known conspicuously as Chad Vader (dressed in full Darth Vader costume) is a shop floor manager in a supermarket. Chad can be seen using the Force to move around apples andlemons,andsensespillagesinaisle5.

Thebrilliantlyfunnyskitrevolvesaround Chad’sambitionsofdatingthecheckoutgirl and upgrading the laser scanner system.

Another good fan spoof is the sequentialpictures.com production, Star Wars Episode III: A Lost Hope. This show definitely has a much bigger budget, but the core humour elements are not

eschewed – most of the short sketches show characters from the more recent Star Wars films such as Anakin Skywalker as the newlycreatedDarth Vader, or Emperor Palpatine with his sidekick Muppets.

Additionally,there are some good quality cartoons on starwarsspoofs. com. These are typicallyveryshort pieces focusing on one particular location or character, such as Luke Skywalker’sescapefromtheyetiatthestart of The Empire Strikes Back. In this film (entitled ‘Wampa’), we sympathise with theyetiaswelearnhehasfarmoreinnocent intentions for our captured hero.

Interestingly,thecreatorsoftheoriginal StarWarsfilmsarestrongsupportersofall theseso-called“fanfilms”,andtheyhold regular official awards for the funniest and most creative of the submissions.

George Lucas himself is known to sit on thejudges’panel,andwinnersaresuitably rewarded with a spot on SpikeTV. Special thanksgotospecialistcorrespondentsJosh Cheesman and Kerry Young!

FROM WHEN the lights went up to the final bows, Fashion @ Bath 2008 was as polished, classy and exciting as we’d all been hoping for. Sponsored by Accenture, Fashion @ Bath aimed to promote the Breast Cancer Campaign, an organisation focusing purely on finding treatment and a cure for one of the most common cancers of today.

BodySoc and the breakers broke up the event with tremendous performances, dancing on a catwalk barely two metres wide!Theshowincludedspringcollections frommanyofBath’sleadingstores,ranging from the upmarket styles of Gaff and Gieves and Hawkes to funky individual looks from Pop Cash Clothing, finishing with the much anticipated Ann Summers collection. The fantastic show had many highlights,withcertainpieces,suchasa skirt made only from crisp wrappers (Pop Cash Clothing) sticking out as one of the most memorable items!

The models, all students from the University of Bath, reflected individual looks and the aim of the show was to emphasisediversityinfashion,featuring

styles to complement people of all shapes and sizes. The students took ‘walking’ lessons from Ginger Snap, a Bristol-based modelling agency, in preparation for the big day but otherwise many had little or noexperience. BeauLimbrick,afirstyear MLES student modelling for Fashion @ Bathsaidofherexperience,‘It’sbeenreally goodfun,aonceinalifetimeopportunity.’

When asked how she was feeling before the show Beau revealed, ‘I’m excited but nervous, I just don’t want to fall over!’

Despite the range of styles, there were some noticeable trends which reoccurred in many collections. Colour clashes were common, with yellows and greens, black and navy, red and pink being mixed by designers such as Gaff and Pop Cash Clothing. There was a general retro 50s and 60s vibe to collections by brands such as Jigsaw and Alexi, as necklines got higher and hems got shorter. Many of the women’s designers focused on more flatteringlooserstylesratherthanfigure hugging shapes. Skinny jeans are out for theSpringandfloatycocktaildressesare

in. That’s good news for the more curvy ones amongst us!

Noonefellover(includingBeau)andall the models put on a natural and polished performance that was fun and entertaining as well as sophisticated and chic. The Ann Summers collection was elegantly (and very bravely!) presented by 10 of the studentmodels.Itgaveinsightintotheir new underwear and nightwear collections for ladies. Additionally, it served as an exciting finale to the event. Thanks to organisersKatieCallaghan,SiânLewisand John Prosser and many others who worked tirelessly since September on Fashion @ Bath 2008, the evening was a huge success andsofarhasraisedaproudamountforthe Breast Cancer Campaign; congratulations toallinvolvedinthesold-outevent. There’s onlyonethinglefttosay:bringonFashion @ Bath 2009!

Photos: Lynette Lan

Potatoes: Produce of Pure Perfection

One potato, two potato, three potato, four... Potatoes are great, and Amira Fathalla is convinced of this fact. She has been granted permission to express her passion in this space. Here goes.

THIS ISSUE I just could not resist the urge to waffle on about my favourite student staple, the spud. Yep, potatoes.

They’re the salt of the earth. (Well, the tubersoftheearthreally,butthatdoesn’t have quite the same ring to it.)

Potatoes are one of my most favourite things ever. And before you roll your eyes at my excessive zeal, just think of some of your favourite dishes. Chips, mash, jackets, and, who could forget, marvellous roast potatoes.

One potato dish I just can’t stop making, for its sheer simplicity and the impressive end result, is garlicky roast newpotatoes. It’sallinthenamereally, but for your sake I’ll run through the step-by-step of it.

Handful of Charlotte potatoes, pick the smaller-sized ones. (You can get economy bags in most supermarkets.)

Butter 1 garlic clove Pinch of salt and mixed dried herbs Rinse, but don’t peel, the potatoes and halve any of the abnormally larger ones.

Boil in salted water for 7 minutes or until you can push a fork through – but don’t let them get mushy!

Scattertinybitsofbutterinafoil-lined roasting pan, or even makeshift tray of foil (just curl up the sides). Strain the

potatoes and swish them around a bit in the tray.

Chopthegarliccloveinto4or5pieces and scatter among potatoes, then top the potatoes with a few more teeny butter bits. Sprinkle a pinch of dried herbs (or rosemary) on top, and stick them in the oven on a high heat for about 20-30 minutes, or until the skins get crispy.

In this confusing time of sunny days/frosty winter un-wonderland, a piping hot hearty soup is still welcome.

Potatoes are really indispensable to a thick soup, but for a change from the traditional leek and potato, try this one: (You’ll need a blender of some sort, or at least a potato masher.)

For 2 cold, hungry people: 1 medium onion 2 medium/large potatoes 1/3 of a head of broccoli, chopped 1 stock cube (chicken or vegetable) 2-3 tbsp cream 2 tbsp garlic and herb cream cheese (if possible).

Finely chop the onion and fry in some butter in a saucepan.

Add finely chopped potatoes, stock cube and boiling water (to fill up as high as you expect the final soupy result to be). Add a small pinch of pepper or any

spice of your choice.

Once the potatoes are almost mushy, add the chopped broccoli.

When everything seems completely cooked through, and just about verging on mushy, spoon in some garlic and herb cream cheese, and some cream. Pour into the blender/ blender mixing beaker and blend till it’s all smooth. (Or mash with potato masher and keep at it, don’t lose hope!)

Transfer back into the saucepan to give it a quick reheat, and serve piping hot with toast croutons or some crusty bread. For an alternative souper douper version, you could also add carrots or spinach to the boiling veg – carrots in with the potatoes, spinach just before blending. Hungry?

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Bathing Your Stress Away Anni Kasari

IMPACT

Madame Soufflé

GREETINGS FROM the heavens, my star children. I am Madame Souffle and I will traverse the astral planes and helicopters in order to guide you through the year. Easter lies upon the horizon. We are all yearning for the Easter break to begin, but before we embark on pre-holiday frolics, let us remember the wise word of me.

CAPRICORN (22 December - 20 January) To conquer your fears you should face them. Unless you are afraid of being shot between the eyes.

GEMINI (22 May- 22 June) You’ll find yourself in hot water this fortnight. You should be fine provided you’re not a lobster.

AQUARIUS (21 January - 19 February) Don’t be surprised if your sofa attempts to sit on you this fortnight.

CANCER (23June-23July)You’regoing to get very intimate with a hump-backed whale. It’s not going to look pretty.

PISCES (20 February - 20 March) You shouldreallystarttothinkaboutgettingrid of that dead hooker you have in your car.

LEO (24 July- 23 August) This fortnight you’ll discover your housemates lied when they told you Schindler’s List is a happy children’s musical.

TAURUS (21 April- 21 May) A horoscope may not be the best way to find out your boyfriend is cheating on you, but at least you know now.

Bookings 01225 33 1234 www.thermaebathspa.com

Features

HOROSCOPE

ARIES (21 March- 20 April) You may find a dead hooker dumped in your front garden. Best just ignore it.

QUEUING UP to get yet another book out of the library during the exam period, I started talking to a nice lady who was seemingly disturbed by the amount of stressed out students around her. “The university really should book the Spa out for a week after the exams,” the visitor concluded, and I wholeheartedly agreed.

The remark went completely forgotten for weeks until a family friend of mine came to visit and I decided to take her to the Spa. Whilst relaxing in the Rooftop Pool, I suddenly remembered the conversation and thought how right the lady had been.

Many students think of the Spa as an expensivetouristattraction,andatleast I in my first year didn’t have a clue as to where it even was. Next to BHS, the Spa is a gem in the middle of the city.

It caters especially for Bath residents –thatisus,dearreaders,forbyshowing your University library card you can get a 2-hour spa session for £18 instead of the usual £22. That’s nearly £20 quid, I hear you cry, a fortune for a student!

But really, how many of us regularly spend £18 or more on a night out? Yeah, thought so – and if you’re really, really skint, the little Cross Bath pool offers a one and a half hour bathing session for just £6.50.

The Spa has a long history, but it was closed down completely in the 1970s and the New Royal Bath was opened just two years ago. In Jane Austen’s times, people used to “take the waters” to cure conditions from dropsy to infertility. Today, the Spa is excellent for treating common student diseases such as hangovers. The naturally hot water springing from the earth is full of minerals and works wonders for sore backs and stressed minds. The entrance fee gives you access to the Minerva Bath (featuring a flow that takes you around the pool if you become too relaxed to move by yourself), the open-air Rooftop Pool (amazing for watching sunsets) and four Steam Rooms infused with essential oils. Treatments are also available but extremely popular, so book well in advance or ask for cancellations.

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SCORPIO (24 October - 22 November) You’re going to wrestle a shark and win.

That is so cool.

SAGITTARIUS (23 November - 21 December) You’re also going to wrestle a shark but you’ll lose. The important thing is you tried.

VIRGO (24 August - 23 September) Don’t ever say to someone “You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger.”

LIBRA (24 September - 23 October) I’ve decidedtosurpriseyouthisfortnight. So I won’t tell you a thing.

Nothing to Worry About?

Rosanna Pajak talks about GAD and why it is actually very normal to have a bit of a sleepless night once in a while.

WE ALL know the feeling… You’re lying under the duvet trying to get comfortable and a tiny thought begins to nag away at you, making your stomach flip over. You push the worry away but it just won’t leave you alone. What if you’re right and it’s a total disaster?

What will happen? How will you cope?

Before long you’re tossing and turning.

Yet eventually you drop off to sleep and in the morning it all seems more manageable.

Anxiety is normal, and in fact it is healthy. It is the classic response to uncertainty,troubleorbeingunprepared.

Everybody gets nervous about various aspects of their lives. In many cases, feeling a little bit worried is what motivates us to act. Faced with exams we fear failure and so we study. Feeling anxious about going on a date means that we make the extra effort to make a good impression.

Although everyone feels anxious to an extent, the majority of people can rationalise their fears. Most of us can bounce back. We tell ourselves that although that date could be a complete disaster, it could also be a wild success.

Or we realise that even if we totally mess uptheexam,itreallyisn’ttheendofthe world and life as we know it.

For some people however, it is not that easy to shake off such concerns.

General Anxiety Disorder, or GAD, is very common today, affecting about five percent of us. It is characterised by persistent, excessive and unrealistic worry about everyday things: school,

work, money, friends and health. For these people anxious feelings are constant, chronic and unsubstantiated.

They worry all day, every day, and feel completely powerless to stop it. Even when there is no reason for concern, people with GAD often expect the worst to happen.

If you think about it, you probably know someone who sounds a bit like this; someone who lacks the ability to rationalise their fears and ends up spiralling and panicking. GAD causes significant distress and can really interfere with a person’s life, stopping them from doing the things they like to do. Anxious thoughts about possible negative consequences lead to anxious feelings, which result in avoidant behaviour. There are common physical symptoms too - including restlessness, irritability,muscletension,fatigueand difficulty sleeping or concentrating.

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, 70% people with GAD agreed that their chronic anxiety

had impacted on their relationships and friendships.

Some sufferers, especially children, are the classic worried person: timid, nervous and reluctant to try new things.

Yet others become restless, irritable and even aggressive. These stressballs are often really tense, as a result of their constant anxiety. Many people with GAD are often also diagnosed with depression. If you were severely worried all the time, wouldn’t you be miserable and exhausted?

It can be hard to understand why some people develop GAD whilst others are able to cope with the anxieties life throws up. At present psychologists believe it can be due to a combination of hereditary and background factors.

Biological and environmental factors such as brain chemistry, life events, personality and genetic predisposition can all have an effect. Often people are able to cope with their excess anxiety for years, but then are put under more strain and so the anxiety begins to increasingly

BOOK CUSHION: The only place you can sleep?

interfere with their life.

Most people with GAD are relieved to learn that their constant worry is an illness, that help is available and recovery is possible with the right professional care. Up to 90% of GAD sufferers improve with treatment, which usually consists of cognitive behavioural therapy sometimes combined with medication. Cognitive behavioural therapy gives people with GAD the skills to cope with their anxiety. Gradually they can challenge and replace their worried thoughts with more rational ones. They are also taught relaxation techniques and are encouraged to stop their avoidant behaviour. Ultimately they learn that they really have no reason to be afraid.

But what about the rest of us? It could be useful to do a little therapy of your own whenever your anxieties start to get the better of you. The student life might be a lot of partying and lazy mornings, but it does contain its fair share of stress: coursework, finances, friendships, relationships…. Whether you have normal anxiety or an anxiety disorder, it’s recommended that you exercise, eat a balanced diet and avoid endless espressos as caffeine can exacerbate anxiety. Talking to anyone about your worries can help, but even the loveliest housemates might tire of being woken when you can’t drop of to sleep! So the next time you find yourself tossing and turning, unable to get away from that nagging feelings of anxiety, try to go through all the evidence that challenges your worried thought. Think rationally. Things could be just fine, andeveniftheyarenot,itprobablyisn’t the end of the world.

If you think you might be suffering from an anxiety disorder, try contacting AWARE on 01225386906 or aware@bath.ac.uk.

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Rag Week Special Rag Week raised over £4000 for the Bath Rag generalcharityappeal.

BUNGEE!Fallingheadoverheels forcharity,40jumpersbravedthe 180ftdropfromacagesuspended overEastCarParktomarktheend of a successful Rag Week.

RAG WEEK ‘08

Mmm,Beer:ThemightyBierkeller(top)wasasell-outasalways.

Chattingforcharity:Abrandneweventsettobecomeaclassic, the24-hourconversation(centre)wentuninterruptedforanentire day.

Half a minute of intense sucking: Rag Day was celebratedwithjellyracing,an old Rag favourite.

Taking the green policy a little too seriously: RaggottheirownbackonDaveandtherestof theSabbsinthetraditionalGunk-a-Sabb.

MontagebyAlexBrown,RagWeekcoordinator.PhotostakenbyAlexBrown,SimonFoakes,SylviaGriceandAmyYoung.

This year’s Roman Romp, initially planned to be held tomorrow, Wednesday 12th March, has had to be postponed until Wednesday 23rd April.

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Make an impact - join the team!

Come along to one of our open meetings: ever y Monday fr om 7 Apr il, 6:30pm, elements.

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

IMPACT

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Science and Technology

Quakes Shaking the Great British Isles Sara Coelho Science Contributor TWO WEEKS ago the earth shook in Britain. As far as the geologists are concerned, it can happen again at any time. Earthquakesarenotpredictableand even for a low seismic area like the UK they can be quite frequent.

The 27 February Market Rasen earthquake lasted for about 10 seconds and was strong enough to make it to the news. Its magnitude was estimated at 5.2, roughlyequivalenttotheenergyreleaseof the atomic bomb dropped over Nagasaki.

Nothingspecialforgeologicalstandards: there are about 800 earthquakes of this magnitude every year.

ThecauseofthelatestBritishearthquake was a sudden rupture in a fault beneath Lincolnshire. The location of the fault break, known as epicentre, was estimated at 2.5 miles North of Market Rasen, at a

DAMAGE: caused by the recent Market Ransen earthquake.

depth of 12 miles. Fortunately, there was no major damage or fatalities to report, but the tremor was big enough to give Lincolnshireresidentsafrightandahefty bill for the insurance companies. The

British Geological Survey believes that thisearthquakewastriggeredbytheeffect of the West-East Mid-Atlantic Ridge spread combined with the northwards push of the African plate.

The February earthquake was not a one-off event. The British Isles have a long history of seismic activity starting in the Middle Ages. One of the first earthquakes on record occurred on 15 April 1185 and caused serious structural damage to the Romanesque Lincoln cathedral. St Hugh was appointed bishop in the following year and began the work of reconstruction in 1192. The result was the Gothic cathedral that we can visit today.

The 6 April 1580 earthquake in the Straits of Dover caused panic in the crews of a merchant vessel sailing across the English Channel. The tremor was reported to have lasted about a quarter of an hour and was followed by a tidal wave over Calais. This earthquake is also mentionedinthefirstactofShakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet”.

The 1884 Colchester earthquake was the most destructive event in British

seismic history and is also know as the ‘Great English Quake’. The tremor struck at 9:18 am and caused serious damage in Essex, notably in Colchester.

The strongest recorded earthquake in the British Isles caused only minor damage because its epicentre was 60 miles of the Yorkshire coast, in an area known as the Dogger Banks. The magnitude was estimatedat6.1,equivalenttotheenergy release of an explosion of 1 megaton of TNT, roughly ten times stronger than the 2008 Lincolnshire earthquake.

Britain is not located on a tectonic plate boundary like Chile, Turkey or the San Francisco area of the United States. As such, British earthquakes are intraplate earthquakes, less common and less likely to cause major damage than plate boundary tremors. Nevertheless, earthquakes are here to stay, to the joy of the geologists and the insurance companies’ distress.

Trying to Kick the Habit? Get Your Memory Wiped Lisa Wu Science Contributor ADDICTION AFFECTS over 10% of the population in Europe and there are roughly 268,000 severely dependent drug misusers in the UK alone.

The government is trying to tackle addiction in all its forms - alcoholism, drug abuse and smoking are just a few - but is taking tips from A Clockwork Orange the way forward?

The power of addiction lies in its compulsive nature. The user seems to lose control over apparently voluntary acts, such as drug-taking, despite knowing the potentially dire consequences. Take the exasperating futility of preaching to a smoker.

They know full well lung cancer is on the agenda, SMOKING KILLS blares out from every packet they pick up, yet it doesn’t stop them lighting up.

Most current treatments try to

wean addicts off their vice of choice with some sort of weaker substitute.

Think nicotine patches. It still gives you a bit of a kick but it’s less likely to kill you. Sooner or later you have to come off it completely. There’s a problem with this approach: it doesn’t work. A very high proportion of people seem to give up, then relapse to their old habits. This is the real problem. An alcoholic can go dry for ten years, then toddle along to his sister’s wedding reception, see his family toasting the bride and decide to have just one glass of champagne… and then he’s back at AA. Why is that? Addiction runs on the same machinery that your brain uses for learning and long-term memory. Addictive drugs release a chemical called Dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is what makes your pleasure dome tick; it’s known as the hedonistic “reward” of nature, and is

I go googly over kittens. I just want to hug them all. They are so cute with their big eyes and fuzzywuzzy whiskers. Why do humans go soft over baby animals?

Yours sincerely Noel “really, really bored and don’t want to do work so here’s some questions” Beck

an addict associates the image of other drug users with the feeling of drug craving, the procedure is to show a video of drug users to induce that reconsolidation phase, and then dose them with the interfering drug. Theoretically the memory is weakened and eventually the addict no longer associates that image with drug craving, and is less likely to relapse next time he comes across it.

That’s the theory. Tinkering with someone’s memories is a dangerous and difficult art, and fraught with ethical mines. How selective can a memory wipe be? How are they going to test these drugs? No amount of animal study evidence would persuade me to put my brain to the test as a clinical research volunteer.

What if I start associating Beethoven with nausea and throw up out a window every time his 9th Symphony comes on?

button nose and a wobbly gait. Because of its importance in human survival, your cuteness bar is set spectacularly low and everything from a bulbous car to a fuzzy caterpillar are considered adorable.

The adult animals that people tend to consider cute are those that exhibit paedomorphosis, that is, possessing traits that are normally associated with juveniles. This can include everything from the teetering waddle of a penguin to the round face and forward facing eyes of a koala. It has been speculated that animals commonly kept as pets have been bred for paedomorphic characters, as shown by the menacing appearance of Scotty dogs and Poodles.

Interestingly, you lot are often considered a highly paedomorphic species; with bulbous heads and big forward facing eyes. Leading on from this, one interesting if somewhat farfetched theory suggests that Homo sapiens evolved to exhibit such characteristics so that the big scary Neanderthals would think that you

are cute and not get all aggressive and territorial on your pert little behinds.

Frankly as a Diplodocus, I find the existence of Hello Kitty and Pokemon bewildering… I do like that little guy in Happy Feet though, a penguin that can

dance, aww shucks!

Yours Sincerely,

Professor Science: Fuzzywuzzy Kittens

Dear Noel,

Dear Professor Science,

released by food and sex. Ever heard of Pavlov’s dog? Ring a bell every time you feed a dog, and he’ll learn to associate food with the sound of a bell ringing. In time, all you need to do is ring a bell and he drools all over the floor. This is an example

of associative learning. Similarly, an addict learns to associate certain environmental stimuli, known as cues (such as seeing other smokers), with the dopamine kick he/she gets from a cigarette for example, so craves that “reward” whenever he encounters the stimuli. Do this enough times and that association is in the addict’s long-term memory and he won’t be able to help himself every time he sees that stimulus.

Controversial new ideas challenge the existing theory that new memories are stable once stored in a one-time process. There’s evidence suggesting that every time you remember a memory, a phase occurs during which the memory can either be strengthened or weakened. This is known as reconsolidation. New drugs are being developed that interfere with the way your brain stabilises memories to reverse addiction. If

A VERY interesting question, young sir and one that, due to the market value of Mickey Mouse, has been researched in more depth than one might expect.

The ‘science of cuteness’ can trace its origins back to the 1940s to the eminent Zoologist Konrad Lorenz. Lorenz theorised that adult animals cannot help but get all gooey when presented with juvenilephysicaltraitsandthatthisisan evolutionary adaptation to ensure adults fulfil their parental responsibilities…

Mammals, such crazy guys!

Cuteness is of special importance in humans because your infants are particularly helpless. Due to the constraints that walking on two legs places on pelvic size, your ‘enormous’ brains, and the importance of social learning, human babies are born particularly underdeveloped and utterly unable to fend for themselves. As such, it is vital that adults come over all protective when presented with something with a big head, large eyes, a

PROFESSOR SCIENCE

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Entertainments

Easter Entertainments

GOOD MARCH all.

It is less than a week until the Easter break and campus has arguably come through its most hectic period, with the Students’ Union all a flutter with the now concluded sabbatical elections, with all those manifestos and weeks of campaigning coming to a head.

Firstly, I want offer warm congratulations to all those nominees who were successful in beating their

rivals and gaining election, with a combination of hard graft, snappy taglines and comical outfits. Apart from those who were campaigning solely against RON. I mean, seriously, if you’d have come second to someone who doesn’t exist you’d be having an absolute mare.

Personally, the past few weeks for me have revolved around running the length and breadth of the city for the

upcoming Bath Half. To keep my mind off the pain my legs will suffer, my mp3 player has been virtually glued to my ear during training.

Although I haven’t gone as far as deleting everything off it bar ‘Eye of the Tiger’, I have had the Arctic Monkeys’ second album, ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’, on constant play to spur me on around the roads. Bloody hell, it’s necessary.

Anyway, to ents – I got to see the trailer for ‘Iron Man’ this week, which I must say looks absolutely amazing.

It stars Robert Downey Jr. as some kind of genius who makes things blow up, gets captured by evil people, has love interest, other generic plotline events, etc. The thing that caught my eye was the visual effects; from Iron Man fighting a jet plane to him firing a missile and blowing up a tank in an effortlessly cool manner… if one can cast death and mass destruction in that kind of light. Either way, it looks stunning, and could be the blockbuster of the summer.

Looking at the upcoming events… well, it’s a bit pointless as most of you will be off for the next three weeks, enjoying the comforts of home and eating too much chocolate than is good for you. In the meantime, have a gander at this here section and find yourself amused, bemused and confused at what our wrtiers say about the sounds, sights and literary delights of the moment.

Either way, enjoy Easter and appreciate it, before we are flunged back into the world of coursework deadlines and exams. Fun fun.

Sean Lightbown Entertainments Co-Editor ents@bathimpact.com

HOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS: Even a light bout of stigmata doesn’t shake the coolness of Iron Man.

Single Emmy The Great Gabriel Out Now Fear and Records HONG KONG-BORN, Londonbased singer-songwriter Emmy the Great should be prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act, because great she most certainly is not.

Hopes are high for an artist who has collaborated with such artists as Fyfe Dangerfield of Guillemots and Lightspeed Champion, but ‘Gabriel,’ a song about somebody Emmy met through MySpace and written just a week before recording, is simply dull. Comprising of little more than accoustic guitar, violin and vocals, ‘Gabriel’ is folk-bynumbers, pretty and gentle without ever grabbing your attention. A nice enough melody that you will forget as soon as the song has finished, it is difficult to remain interested enough to keep listening for the whole four minutes. So, pleasant enough as inoffensive background music is, Emmy will have to do far better to get anywhere near to breaking into the mainstream. On this evidence, Emmy the Great is most definitely a misnomer; she should be called Emmy the…, no, she’s too boring to have an adjective added to her name.

We’ll just call her Emmy until she can convince us otherwise.

HHPPP Joe Rivers Contributor

Look Before You Leap...

Deputy Comment Editor Hadleigh Roberts jumps in at the deep end, and sphinx he’s been done by eye-catching trailers. Damn it.

Jumper Directed by: Doug Liman Out Now IT LOOKED good in the trailers, it really did. Unfortunately, the audience of ‘Jumper’ is unable to hop from one clip to the next. The premise seemed quirky and creative too; David Rice (Hayden Christensen) is a young man who suddenly discovers that he can teleport anywhere in the world at will.

The film does appear very promising at the start, with a quick flashback to David’s first experience of teleporting, where he falls through the ice of a frozen river, and ends up in the school library. From this point on, his life is one long holiday spent bank robbing and globetrotting. Of course, this does not last long, and a secret organisation led by Roland (Samuel L. Jackson) attempts to track down and kill David, for the sole reason that ‘only God should be omnipresent’.

However, just as the audience are able to accustom themselves to the situation, the film jumps off a cliff and ends abruptly with no hint of warning or closure. The fate of most characters is unclear, possibly in order to set up ‘Jumper 2’ and ‘3’ (‘Hopper’ and ‘Skipper’, maybe? No? Suit yourself.), and gives the film a very unfinished and under-performing feel.

Hayden Christensen once again

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MRJACKSON: Tired of these motherf*cking jumpers in this motherf*cking film. seems to be struggling with a role that places effects and action sequences above characterisation, as he did portraying a young Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars’. However this is not to such an extent that it hinders the film, if the viewer can make the leaps of logic required. David’s love interest, Millie (Rachel Bilson) is equally under-developed and expected to follow him blindly without any real explanation and seems to forget the fact that he was presumed dead for about eight years. Even the action, which is (appropriately, perhaps) jumpy, is underplayed and seems to pointlessly zoom in on people’s shoulders, obscuring the view of the

fight scenes just to create an ‘edgy feel’ Essentially, the film is fun while it lasts and contains some typically impressive visuals (e.g. sitting in a deck-chair on top of the Sphinx) but is still woefully under-developed; leaving too many questions unanswered and ending on a completely underwhelming note.

For all the awe-inspiring visuals, ‘Jumper’ expects the viewer to make a leap of faith that is just too large.

Film Preview The Cottage Out 14/03/08

DIRECTOR PAUL Andrew Williams’ last film, ‘London To Brighton’ earned widespread appraisal, leading some critics to even declare it as the best British film of 2006. Therefore it’s safe to say that his new foray, black comedy ‘The Cottage’, is highly anticipated. Reece Shearsmith (a.k.a Papa Lazarou) and Andy Serkis (a.k.a Gollum) star as brothers who wind up at a secluded country cottage looking for a place to hide as they harbour the kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison). Yet the unnerving locals and things going bump in the night thrust the three into a quest for survival.

Album Preview Gnarls Barkley The Odd Couple Out 08/04/08 DANGERMOUSE AND Cee-Lo Green team reunite to bring you another dose of hip-hoppy, poppy rocky...whatever it is they do. Since their debut ‘St Elsewhere’ produced such gems as the catchy-as-hell ‘Crazy’ and ‘Smiley Faces’, one can only expect this to provide some more songs to rattle around in your skull for all of time. Definitely worth a punt if you haven’t got it after it was leaked on the internet.

Single The Futureheads The Beginning Of The Twist Out Now Nul Records ‘THE BEGINNING of the Twist’ is The Futureheads’ first single off their forthcoming third LP, ‘This Is Not TheWorld’. Itisalsotheirfirstsingle since being dropped from their record company over two years ago, which makes ‘The Twist’ the Futureheads’ own particular new wave battle cry.

We find the Sunderland quartet going back to basics with their classic whoa-oh backing vocals and taut guitars, and ironically it is the most radio friendly that they have sounded in quite some time.

It is more ‘Hounds of Love’ than anything off ‘News And Tributes’, and manages to conjure up moments of refreshing familiarity, as Barry’s vocals are once again mixing and matching it with the jerky rhythm changes made famous by their eponymous debut.

‘The Twist’ is essentially one big metaphorical slap in the face for 679 Recordings, and it’s good to see The Futureheads back doing what they do best; playing stunning guitar-driven indie pop.

HHHPP Ben Cohen Contributor

HHPPP Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor

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Entertainments at the Bath Literature Festival

The Star Behind the Book Sari Nusseibeh:

Giulia Buttini catches Nigerian-born author Ben Okri in a surprisingly humourous mood at The Guildhall as part of the Bath Literature Festival.

WAITING, SITTING on the red cushioned chair on the 4th row in the audience, amongst the antique looking paintings hanging from the walls, I held on to my pen hoping that I had remembered to switch off my phone. With a smell that reminded me of my grandmother’s house, the neatly polished lady walked by again andwithherbrightredlips,shesmiledand announced him.

Ben Okri, a Nigerian born poet and novelist who now lives in London, with a cheesy smile on his face and slightly tiltedberretonhishead,calmlystrolled to the podium. After being introduced by an uneasy looking man; who seemed more lost than the lady sat next to me who had just dropped half of the things in her bag, Okri took to his rightful place. He placedhisbookonthetoppartofthecone standingproudlyinthemiddleofthestage and adjusted his microphone. Okri seemed so at ease and relaxed… until of course he realisedhehadforgottenhisglasses. With a smile, wider than his face, he kindly asked his assistant to check whether he had left them in his coat. Various coughs later, the crowd quieted down when, to everyone’s surprise, Okri asked if anyone had glasses he could borrow. A courageouslittleman,satrightatthefront, passedhispairtohim. Okri,afterjoking around about how he now saw the world magnified a million times, announced that this evening was going to be our “show”, an “informal evening to allow [us] to ask him as many awkward questions as we could think of”. This was to be the start of the most “unique” and “indirect” book reading I have ever been to.

Okri started by reading two of his most

recent and still unpublished poems; he called them a “prelude to the theme” of freedom in history that characterizes his novels. All his works have a personal touch. Born in 1959 in Minna, northern Nigeria, to an Igbo mother and Urhobo father, he grew up in myth-filled Africa and amongst the chaos of the Nigerian civilwar. Thetraditionofstorytelling, and to be more precise oral story telling, goes back thousands of years. As he famouslysaid,“Iwastoldstories,wewere alltoldstoriesaskidsinNigeria. Wehad totellstoriesthatwouldkeeponeanother interested,andyouwerenotallowedtotell stories that everybody else knew. You had to dream up new ones. ” His first two novels, Flowers and Shadows (1980) and The Landscapes Within (1981), are both set in Nigeria and explore the struggle of two young men in understandingthechaosanddisintegration in their country and family. Then two collectionsofstoriesfollowed,Incidents at the Shrine (1986) and Stars of the New Curfew (1988). The novels are rich in metaphors and fantastic elements with humans often interacting with spirits, whilst his short stories focus more on realistic and urban settings. Okri reworksAfricanoralstorytellingtraditionin Standard English as he says that “magic is everywhere in the world.”

In his book reading, he explored his latest novel, Starbook and how the “power of mood” was his main engine behind writing it. He had been carrying around thisstoryforallhislife,andonedayhe felt inspired: a sentence popped up in his mindand(luckily)hehadapentowriteit down. “This is a story my mother began

SIGN LANGUAGE: Ben Okri, the man with “a smile wider than his face”. to tell me when I was a child. The rest I gleaned from the book of life among the stars, in which all things are known.”

Theseopeningsentencesaretypicalofthe overallstyleofthenovelwithitsapparent simplicity belonging to a fable and the unselfconscious mysticism. However, as Okri and Blake would say, “To understand tooquicklywasafailure. Itwasablinding.

Understanding stopped them from seeing and looking.”

His performance took on the same feel as his books, indirect and full of “gaps”.

Hisaimisnottogostraighttothepoint, but to circle it, allowing each reader to enjoy each word and each chapter of this magical novel. As he once said, “The greatest stories are those that resonate our beginnings and intuit our endings, our mysterious origins and our numinous destinies, and dissolve them both into one.”

The People’s Voice THE UNIVERSITY of Bath recently hostedatalkbySariNusseibeh,Professor of Philosophy and President of Al-Quds, the Arab University of Jerusalem, and cofounderofThePeople’sVoice,aninitiative which advocates peace between Israel and Palestine. Nusseibeh has also recently published his memoirs, titled Once Upon a Country: A Palestinian Life. The event was organised jointly by the ICIA, and theBathLiteratureFestival,andispartof Diversity Month.

Following an introduction by ProVice-Chancellor Jane Millar, Nusseibeh startedhistalkwithashortautobiography.

Following his university education in England and Harvard, his initial plans to become a teacher were changed by the increasingIsraelicontrolonPalestinian universitiesinwhichheworkedandhefelt represented a microcosm of the ongoing conflict.

In a witty yet serious account of life under occupation, Nusseibeh explained therationaleofcivilresistancestrategies; peacefullyrefusingtocomplywithIsraeli ordersregardingeverydaylife,suchasthe payment of taxes, would break down the “unwilling willingness” of compliance whichIsraeliauthorityrequires. Bytaking awaythiscompliance,thebasisofIsraeli authority,hesaid,wouldbestrippeddown to bare brute force. Nusseibeh spoke of the importance of supporting civil disengagement with the slow simultaneous development of self-rule structures and pursuingthisstrategywithanultimateaim ofadeclarationofindependencenegotiated with Israel.

Inspiteofmorenegativedevelopmentsin thepastdecade;anincreasedradicalisation of politics on both sides and the general

feeling of hopelessness on the surface, Nusseibeh made clear his belief that it is “extremely possible” for the two leaders to sit down and sign a joint agreement, because there were “no grand forces working as obstacles.” Any obstacles, he explained, were “creations of the mind”.

Thisrefreshinglyhopefultalkaimedto provethatitisindeedpossibletoarriveat a two-state solution. Each leader would benefit by presenting such an agreement as part of their political programme and showingtheircitizenshowthiswastheonly viablesolution. Withclearideasforplans for the city of Jerusalem, borders and the future,Nusseibehconcludedoptimistically, emphasising faith in human reason and the ability to carve a new order. If we look atthefutureasadistantdestinationonan unreachable mountain peak, he says, we willlosethehopetogoon. ForNusseibeh, this is merely encased in glass, clearly visible and currently out of reach, and would only need a small crack to change.

Amira Fathalla Chief Sub Editor

“The Muslim community will have to suffer until it gets its house in order.”

Author Martin Amis sparked controversy in 2006 with the above statement. Matthew Hartfield went to see the man talk on his new book at the Bath Literature Festival, and couldn’t be swayed by his arguments for ‘race without culture’...

MARTIN AMIS, son of the famous literary figure Kingsley Amis, and author of such books as London Fields and Yellow Dog, is no stranger to controversy. His latest book “The Second Plane: September 11: Terror and Boredom” is the topic of this keynote speech at the Bath Literary Festival, and it draws on his views and reactions to Islamist ideology following those major terrorist attacks. His opinions drew criticism from English Literature academic Terry Eagleton, who described his comments as calling for a “hounding and humiliation” of Muslims. As such

tonight’s talk promises to let one hear first-hand his own, unblemished views on dealing with extremism.

The evening started with Amis reading from his book, in particular from his long essay on shadowing Tony Blair on his trip to meet George Bush. His attitude to Blair he jokingly described as “regrettably flirtatious”, adding that you “couldn’t dislike him” when meeting in a personal capacity. The essay described visiting the White House for a policydiscussion;yetdespitetheinsider knowledge which many journalists would kill to get I couldn’t help but feel that his account came over as cold and uninvolved, his humour far too dry to be engaging. It’s not surprising really, as Amis shows more excitement at being offered sweets by Karl Rove.

This was followed by a discussion of his ideas with Christopher Cook, who naturally started by asking Amis what perturbed him most on September 11th. For him the horrors of the day were epitomised by the now famous sights of people willingly jumping from the burning towers to their deaths, which showed how “vile” it was inside the buildings. The sudden change in events was immediately apparent that

day, he proposed, asking “Who on September 10th could have conceived such a development?” He went on to explain that although the death appalled him, the main interest to him was the underlying religious fanaticism, although probably aware of his recent controversy asked that people should use ‘ideology’, the more violent option, instead of ‘religion’.

Amis moved on to describing the ‘Politically Correct’ notion of pure multiculturalism as ‘a beautiful idea’ in that everyone should be proud of their origins. This idea, he argued, needs to be reassessed especially in lieu of the appearances of Islamist and Jihadist ideologies; otherwise “we are infantilising ourselves”. He described an incident on BBC’s Question Time where, after admitting support for the Afghanistan invasion (‘I thought Afghanistan was enough’) an audience member proposed for the US to bomb themselves as they were responsible for arming Osama Bin Laden during the eighties. Responding to this incident Amis wondered why the audience wasn’t against the “Misogynistic, Homophobic” Taliban.

When moving on from this I couldn’t

help feeling that his arguments seemed to get more absurd. He described an incident where he addressed an audience where most of them didn’t want to publicly admit to being morally superior to the Taliban regime. I hear such stories of‘culturalrelativism’myself,butIhave yet to meet any major group of people, who do not agree that the Taliban was a horrible government.

For me the biggest lapse in judgement came during the final question session where he discussed how, whilst being acceptant of other cultures, we should implement the US system of not overtly acceptingtheircultureandobligeBritish culture instead. Does this make any sense? When one accepts immigrants into a country one also accepts their culture by default. This multicultural society is one that I am personally proud of.Forthosethatstilldoubtthepositive impact of multiculturalism (as opposed to amultiracialsociety),Icanalwaysoffer

the trite example of Curry becoming the British national dish. Of course, the example offered above generally appliestoreasonablyaffluentfamilies;it seemsliketheoldbattlesoverinequality seemed to have been forgotten about.

Here’s the crux, it seems. With Martin Amis, his grasp of the English language andpassionforjusticecannotbedoubted: in a separate answer he warned us to be vigilant at the US’ use of torture. It’s also clear that hysterically calling him a ‘racist’ is completely misguided. His responses to how Britain shouldn’t be as accepting of other cultures, though seems illogical and counterintuitive, is based mainly on hyperbole and a snide attitude towards other points of view. It appears that Martin Amis needs to spend less time following the rich and famous and take a hard look at truly mixed areas. To me his ideas of ‘race without culture’ would lead to more division within society, not integration.

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

IMPACT

Entertainments

DIG!!!ing For Compliments?

Our resident rock & roll romantic Philip Bloomfield take a look at the latest release from Australian alternative icon Nick Cave and his legendary Bad Seeds...

DIG!!!, LAZARUS DIG!!!

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Mute Out Now

I REALLY hate having to agree with Alexis Petridis of The Guardian’s rebranded culture section. Hate it. So all I’m going to say, before this review lapsesintolibellouspersonalabuse,isthat whilst Alexis never fails to provoke my vehement disagreement, he’s somehow managed to hit the nail right on the head when it comes to this particular album.

This album is not just one of the best things the brooding and moustachioed antipodean has released in recent years, butitisalso,asPetridisputsit,analbum withmore“witandvitality”thananything the current crop of new bands have contrived to release .

Nick Cave has never been an easy man to pigeonhole: his Grinderman project of last year showed that angry andgrowlinggaragerockstilllivesinthe blood of a man who has put his name to eerie classics such as ‘Murder Ballads’ and ‘The Boatman’s Call’. Yet it still comes as a surprise when the title track opens his latest recording with a chain gang chant and a raw offbeat guitar riff.

Cave has described the song as “the story

of Lazarus…if he had been born in New York”,andittrulyisasoddasthatconcept suggests, sardonically narrated by Cave, who yelps and shouts about “something going on upstairs” in between deadpanned verse. Itsetsthetonefortherestofthe album; ‘DIG!!! LAZARUS DIG!!!’, seems to have drawn fairly heavily on the man’s work with Grinderman. The songs seem to have more hooks than anything Cave has previously put his name to, and againthiscanbeascribedtothedecidedly more straight-up ‘rock’ nature of the afore mentioned side project. Even the joyously howling ‘Lie Down Here (& Be My Girl)’ features the kind of chorus that The Ronettes might be proud of.

However, Cave hasn’t completely abandoned his Americana influences.

‘Hold On To Yourself’, fuelled by plucked solos and a martial sounding strummed refrain is reminiscent of his work on the soundtrackoffilmslike‘TheProposition’ and sounds like something straight out of a Sergio Leone film. On the skulking ‘Night of the Lotus Eaters’, Nick moves intoMurderBalladsterritory,warningthe listener to “get ready to shoot yourself” as a staggering bassline and scattered tabla drums provide a backdrop to Cave’s extraordinaryvocals. Thelyricalquality of Cave’s work has never been in doubt, but this time around Cave’s black humour isalliedwithanalmost‘pop’sensibility.

This injects a real sense of fun into many of the tracks, something which has perhaps been missing from his more self deprecating works. The standout track ‘We Call Upon The Author To Explain’, featuresthefantasticline“prolix,prolix, nothing that a pair of scissors can’t fix” as Cave rails against the pomposity of authors, calling Bukowski a “jerk” and attacking “volumes of unreconstructed rubbish.” You probably like the song already, without me telling you that it swaggers on bent guitar work and whiskysoaked Hammond organ refrain, like an updated version of garage pioneers The Count Five.

In some ways, the album feels a little like a ‘best of Nick Cave’ in the sense thatitactsasanexcellentintroductionto the various styles Cave has experimented withthroughouthiscareer. Fromdelicate balladry (‘Jesus of The Moon’), to bluesy twisted love songs (‘Moonland’) all the way through to the Birthday Party and Grinderman style take on noisy rock and roll(‘AlbertGoesWest’),thevariousfaces ofNickCaveareallrepresentedhere. Yet at no point does the album feel fragmented as Cave’s witty and dark lyrics provide common ground for what could easily be described as his most immediate body of work yet. Yet simultaneously there is a feel that this could perhaps be the album that the man is most proud of, as it shows

The Young Knives

Hot Chip

Moles, Bath

Carling Academy, Bristol 24/02/08 TO MY surprise, tonight’s crowd for London hipsters Hot Chip doesn’t consist solely of electro kids wearing glittery leggingsandcassettetapeearrings. Instead, I find myself surrounded by middle-aged couples, girls dressed up as though they were going to Second Bridge and guys in Henley’st-shirtstryingtonavigatefromthe bartowardsthestagewithapintofCarling in each hand.

Okay, I admit, standing on the steps leading to the main standing area wasn’t thebestideaever(“Excuse me, can I just get through” Over and Over again…) and the sample of people passing by probably didn’trepresentthehardcorefanbaseofthe band,butitneverthelessgaveagoodinsight intothekindofpeoplethatHotChipcaters for today: your average Brits. Maybe a problemforsomebutaconsolationforme, as I certainly wouldn’t count myself as a member of the electroclash population…

The quintet kicked off with the jumpy ‘ShakeaFist’,oneofthecatchiesttracks from the new album. However pleased I was to hear my favourite tune first, following it up with electro ballad ‘Boy from School’ didn’t impress me. I wasn’t longdispleased,though,as‘HoldOn’burst out of the speakers and the atmosphere started rising. The band reached their energetic highpoint halfway through the set with ‘Over and Over’, which didn’t failtogetthecrowdecstatic. Itwaseven more “joyfully repetitive” live than on record. ‘OutatthePictures’followedby ‘Don’t Dance’ definitely stood out as the

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HIP CHIPPY: Looks like someone needs some Hot Chips to go with their big fish, little fish... highlights of the gig, and showed what Hot Chip are best at; those upbeat tunes thatmakeitimpossibletostandstill. The ironyofAlexisTaylortellingtheaudience not to dance as they got more and more frantic was not lost on anyone present.

During the slower songs, my mind seemed to wander off, and even though ‘Ready for theFloor’neartheendsomewhatliftedthe atmosphere, the gig for me was over before theencore. Finishingoffdisappointingly with the mellow ‘Made in the Dark’ and ‘NoFitState’,theendleftmefeelingsleepy ratherthanenergetic. Hadtheysucceededin keepingtheaudienceasenthusiasticasmidset, the gig would have perhaps deserved that fifth star.

Overall, the night was a success (I do have to admit that a few pints atTheApple before the show may have contributed to thisopinion),andmyfirstexperienceofthe band live exceeded all expectations. And anyway, who could resist a band whose front man bears such a resemblance to MusicSoc Chair Josh?

HHHHP Anni Kasari Contributor

IT’SAfact,MolesisBath’sbestkeptsecret.

ThisgigwasthemostintimateI’vebeento in a long time, I didn’t realise how much I’dmissedthoselowceilings,thathomely atmosphere, oh and being able to smell every single person in the room! When I first heard that the Knives were coming to Bath,Icouldn’tquitebelieveit;whywould such a well-established band play here in the tub? Well now I know…simply because thisiswhereitallbeganforthem. Support act‘JohnnyForeigner’revvedupthecrowd with some incredible tunes, the chemistry between the gorgeous female bassist and the extremely sweaty male guitarist was

unmistakable, and their voices entwined beautifully, leaving me and my Welsh sidekick cartwheeling with happiness and overwhelmedwithvibrantanticipationfor the main attraction.

Before The Young Knives appeared, we pushedourselvesasfarforwardaspossible untilwewerethirdrowfromthefront. And loandbehold,thebandwaltzedonnotlong after.Firstimpressionsweren’tgreat;allI could think was ‘wow – look at this geeky three piece’. But as soon as they burst intosong,beltingouttheir2006hit‘She’s AttractedTo’,IrealisedI’dbeentooeager tojudgethebookbythecover. Theseguys were grand. Who would have thought

NOT CAVING IN JUST YET: Nick lets Lazarus do the digging so he doesn’t spoil his suit... allsidesofhisgenre-spanningtalent. And whenhe’sstillwritinglineslike“Henry, hewentsouthandlosthisway,deepinthe weeping forests of the vulva”, at the age of50,youcan’thelpbutfeelthatthisold warhorsedoesn’tneedtobeputouttostud forquitesometime. Notjustgreat,then, but maybe the first truly essential album of this year. Damn you, Petridis.

HHHHH

Single Tiny Masters of Today Hologram World Out Now Mute

YOUTH IS wasted on the young, right?

Wrong. Tiny Masters of Today are a rock twosome with an average age of 12, yet they’ve wasted absolutely no time in getting themselves a record contract and releasing spritely pop punk to the masses. This single, taken from the excellently titled album ‘Bang Bang Boom Cake’ is the missing link between The Offspring and the fuzzed up grunge of Dinosaur Jr. To be honest, having heard the hype about the diminutive rockers, I was expecting something a little bit more noisy and balls to the walls, than what is sadly a retreading of that reallyannoying-but-quite-good Offspring track ‘ Pretty Fly For White Guy’ with added fuzz. That’s not to say it’s at all bad: this song has got more hooks than your average pirate film. Plus Karen O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs lends some deliciously petulant vocals to the chorus. And besides, what exactly is there not to love about two pre-teens singing about magicians at birthday parties and working for the CIA, over an intro which sounds like a kazoo?

Sugar sweet pop punk it might be, but I’m certain I’ll be screaming “IT’S A HOLOGRAM WORLD, HONEY” over and over in my head for the next year or so.

ents@bathimpact.com geek rock could be this bloody good?!

Surrounded by indie dudes and Alex Zane lookalikes nodding their heads modestly and tapping their feet, we danced like no one was watching. The threesome played acoupleofoldiesbutmostlypotentialhits off the new album, notably ‘Terra Firma’ and ‘Light Switch’.

The banter between the two brothers was quality. Guitarist,HenryDartnell,saidto the crowd: ‘OK, this song’s done pretty shit in the charts, so everyone go out and buy it! Although I won’t blame you if you don’t, dunno when the last time I bought an actual single was’. However after the flawless rendition of ‘Up All Night’ the album is already in my shopping basket on Amazon ready for its release on the 10th.

Having been initially excited about the gig because of the reputable nature of the

HHHPP Philip Bloomfield ents@bathimpact.com

Single Ida Maria Gabriel Out Now Nesna Records

band, my opinions have entirely changed.

Iimaginetheseguysarenodifferenttoday from when they played Moles years ago, before they were even famous. And to my absolute delight, we got a stand up comedy routineaswellasaqualitygig,ofallthe insults the two brothers passed between eachother,‘chubbycheeks’wasdefinitely my favourite. Never before have I been so entertainedatgig,andno,thecheapvodka and cokes weren’t to blame for that!

IDA MARIA, pronounced Eee-da, is a Norwegian singer-songwriter hailing from the town of Nesna who ‘combines the suss of early Strokes and the fearlessness of Iggy Pop’. She’s also earned comparison to Bjork but in general, so think of some sort of Norwegian Patti Smith.

Stella is Ida’s first commercial single released in the UK (following thetwolimited-editionsinglesreleased on Ida’s own Nesna Records) and it’s very good. In fact, it’s the best account of a divinity-whore, Manhattan love story I have ever heard, period.

Further listening ‘Oh My God’ and ‘Drive Away My Heart’ come highly recommended. So she’s the next Patti Smith? She’s certainly no Norah Jones but no degree of all-too-palpable, all-too-predictable self-styling can breed an icon. For that she needs to show ability to write a true classic, like ‘Horses’. “Or maybe I’m just bullshitting you, I don’t know really,” as she says.

HHHHP

HHHPP Gina Reay Contributor

Jimi Travers Contributor

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TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

Entertainments

Jimmy Carr - Two Sides to Every Story

Adrian Dalmedo and Nicholas Stubbings prove that not every 8 out of 10 Bath students prefer Jimmy Carr...

Jimmy Carr Bath Pavilion 22/02/08 I MAY as well have spent 20 quid hiring out a parrot for an evening instead of going to the Pavilion to see Jimmy Carr two weeks ago. Quite cutting a synopsis, you may feel, but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a comedy gig and left more upset and unsatisfied before.

Jimmy Carr is meant to be a legend: you can’t get away from him on TV, his DVDs are everywhere and his ‘Repeat Offender’ Tour is calling in at approximately 50 venues (I couldn’t be bothered to count accurately). I’ve seen Jimmy on TV countless times, and from seeing the episode of QI which he guested on, it’s clear that he’s an intelligent chap. For this exact reason I was most disappointed.

‘Repeat Offender’ is actually quite an apt name for the tour really, for if you went to watch Jimmy’s last gig in Bath you would have known what was going on, for even though this was a new tour, half the material had popped up last time he performed here.

First, you open with a cheeky dig at the venue. Now fair enough, The Pavilion is a dive, but you don’t have to hang on this joke for about 10 minutes, and then return to it after the interval.

Ok so it does look like an oversized scout hut, but so what? If you want to take 20 grand from a gig in Bath where

else are you going to do it?

Next, pick on some poor soul in the audience and insult him with an obvious set of pre-planned jokes, and finally spend the rest of the show unleashing a barrage of the most smutty, uninspiring and unsophisticated comedy you can think of.

In fact, some of his jokes weren’t even original. Hands up anyone who hasn’t heard a comedian retort to a heckle with some sort of gynaecologist comeback before.

You then top it off with the audacity to tell everyone that you’ll be available to sign autographs at the end. I would have gone and told him exactly how much of an idiot he was, were the queue not longer than a Monday morning 18 bus stop one.

Ok, obviously I laughed at times, and some of his one-liners were quite funny. But as far as structure went, this was it. It seemed that all he could do was jump from one joke to the next, with no real direction. It didn’t help that you could predict half the punch lines.

If he tours again, don’t bother wasting 20 quid going to The Pavilion getting ripped off on your beer (soft drink alternatives are of course available). Get yourself on the Chortle website and find something decent over in Bristol that will entertain you and might keep you engaged at the same time.

HPPPP Adrian Dalmedo Sports Editor

Red Carpet Competition

CALLING ALL film buffs – here is your chance to feel like a celebrity for the night, thankfully senza paparazzi impact have teamed up with Total Film and Sky to give you exclusive free tickets to the Red Carpet Preview 2008, hosted by Odeon Cinemas nationwide.

An ideal treat that is undoubtedly welldeserved after another semester slogging through coursework, this exclusive event is also an opportunity to whet your filmic appetite with never-seen-before footage, behind-thescenes interviews, previews and cast and crew commentary. An absolute must for any film fans, not only will you receive star treatment and preview hot new movies before anyone else, there are even special Sky Movies and Total Film goody bags up for grabs.

So, now you know the details, the only

question that remains is: are you free on Wednesday 19th March between 7 and 11pm? If your answer is yes, get your applications in pronto to deputy@bathimpact.com. Good luck!

NOT SO SUNNY JIM: Watch out, Adrian, I’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waiting for you, right here.

UNLESS YOU have been living under arockforthepastfiveyears,itislikely that you will be somewhat familiar with Jimmy Carr and his deadpan style of dark humour. Indeed, since his 2003 sell out performances at the Edinburgh Festival, the comedian has barely been off of the telly: he has featured on every comedy panel show worth its salt, presented gameshows and quizzes, appeared on the radio and the big screen, and he is currentlytouringhisthirdmajorstand-up act (Repeat Offender), to be released on DVD later this year.

Withthatinmind,itshouldn’tbeagreat surprisetohearofthecomedian’sarrival in Bath, for although big name funny-men don’ttendtovisitoursandstonecity,Carr seems to enjoy performing live just as much as appearing on TV; to this end, he has announced a slew of dates across the UK’s smaller locations.

Having seen Carr’s previous standup DVDs and witnessed many of his aforementioned television appearances, it was with mild excitement that I headed

down to the Bath Pavilion for a bit of Friday night entertainment. Having securedticketsearly,Iwassittinginthe second row. If you have ever seen one of Jimmy Carr’s shows, you will know that thisisnotthebestplacetositinorderto fulfill a night of undisturbed enjoyment: audience interaction isn’t shied away from, with some of his best bits of comedy displayed when dealing with hecklers.

I had paid just over £20 for my ticket, and felt fairly secure in my investment – generally speaking, with Jimmy, you know what you’re going to get. Sure enough, the London-born gag-man was in fine form, starting with a few warmup jokes before moving on to some less politically correct material.

I should say at this point, if you are easily offended then the show may not be for you - this man says things that would make Jim Davidson blush. For the majority the jokes were funny, with the audienceinstitchesforlargepartsofthe performance. Personally, I saw some of them coming a mile off and others I had

heard before (though I shouldn’t be used as a benchmark, having been known to browse sickipedia.org once in a while).

The show slumped a little after the interval with the usually hilarious “sitdown” section (in which he takes a quick break from stand-up, sitting on a sofa and reading out some funny observations).

Gladly, Carr used his trademark witty wordplay and shock humour to bring the show to a rousing conclusion.

Jimmy Carr performs every line of his act with phenomenal consistency and sublime delivery,with phenomenal consistency and sublime delivery, in fact you would struggle to find a contemporary comedianthatdoesthisbetter.Ifyoulikea laugh and can stomach the non-PC jokes, catch him at one of his many UK dates running until mid August; you won’t be disappointed.

HHHHP

Nicholas Stebbings Contributor

Rough Guidance from impact

ARE YOU looking to spend a year or two going travelling after your University years? Many ex-students look to travel the world after being tied down for the years that they spend studying – and Europe is an exciting and varied destination and will definitely provide a traveller with everything that they are looking for, be it culture, sunshine or just a getaway!

As usual, you can depend on impact to set you off in the right direction – and what could be more helpful than a full guidebook to lead you through the continent on a short budget? The Rough Guide to Europe on a Budget shows you how you can stillaffordaholidayonthecheap. Itis written by students who have returned in one piece from their travels, and is aimed at those who have a lot of time on their hands and not much money. impact have a copy of this book (RRP £15.99) to give away.

To enter, send your username and a contact number along with at least one sentence on where your ideal destination would be (it could be in Europe or anywhere in the world... or even out of this world!) and why you would like to go there, to deputy@bathimpact.com. Closing date for entries is 2nd April.

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

IMPACT

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TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

Sport

The Toughest Footrace on Earth Tim Manton THE MARATHON des Sables (The Sand Marathon) is an annual event held in the Sahara Desert of Morocco and is considered by many past competitors to be the toughest footrace on earth.

Each year around 750 competitors from 30 countries assemble in a remote part of the Sahara to take part in a race covering 150 miles in temperatures reaching 50 degrees, crossing miles and miles of sand and rocky terrain over a period of 7 days.

Not only do competitors have to suffer trashed feet, blistering backs, intense heat, dehydration, and extreme fatigue but they also have to compete in an event of self-sufficiency, carrying everything they will need for the 7 days.

This includes all the food needed to provide a minimum of 2000 calories a day, sleeping arrangements and enough medical supplies and survival kit to keep them alive.

Ever since someone told me about the raceIhaven’tbeenabletogetitoutofmy mind. I always fancy a challenge and this willprovetobeoneofmylargest;Ithink it may have to do with the uncertainty of the event - no one can say for sure they are going to be able to finish.

Competitors actually have to apply for a place two years in advance due to the number of other nutters that also want to take part – but I can safely say that my training has not been going on that long!

I’m probably not as prepared as I could be as injuries have prevented me from

training extensively.

However, one can never do enough training for an event of this magnitude and Bath has provided me with great surroundings for my running. I’ve crossed many a stream, field, hill and valley. I’m actually sick to death of mud and cow pats now – the desert seems almost appealing…..almost!

I have to be honest and tell you that I’m somewhat different to everyone else

that is competing in this event. Most are probably regular marathon runners, or atleaststartedtheirtrainingoverayear ago. I, on the other hand, seem to be doing this the student way. Score, Flirt and Come Play have still been part of my ‘trainingschedule’. AllIcansayisthatI hope I have enough guts to work through the pain and reach the finish line (I will probably not be thinking about having to hand in my dissertation two days after

arriving back from the desert!).

I will certainly return with a few talestotell. I’veheardplentyofhorror stories from past competitors, about people having mental breakdowns and of course the physical pain that is endured!

One guy actually died last year, and a while back someone else got lost for two weeks, ended up in Algeria, and had to eat bats to survive.

Nevertheless,I’mrunningtheeventfor thecharityFacingAfrica,acharitytrying to combat ‘Noma’ - a horrific disease that kills over a hundred thousand children in Africa every year. Facing Africa was the official charity of the Marathon des Sables in 2003 and the majority of its funding comes from the efforts of British competitors at the Marathon.

If you’ve got a spare pound or two your generosity would be greatly appreciated, and would go towards providingeitherfacialreconstructionfor those affected, or towards prevention of the disease – maybe something as simple as antibiotics. Everyone I know has been invited to donate money which can be done online via my website: www. mysaharachallenge.co.uk.

You could also join my Facebook group or even hand me your donations in person if I’m around campus – I’ll be the one with the ridiculous red and grey running rucksack.

Wish me luck, and please, give some money for the great cause - if not for them, then at least just to see me go through hell! Come on…..student loan will be coming in again soon.

Make History Focus on Ju-Jitsu Bees Bath 39 Charli Reynolds

IT’S THAT time of year again: birds are singing, daffodils are blooming and somewhere in Telford hundreds of jitsukas are shouting and trying to punch one another.

Yes,it’stimefortheRandoriNationals, one of the most important and enjoyable dates on the Judo and Ju-Jitsu calendar!

The Randori Nationals is big on groundwork (nage waza) and throws (ne waza),andcomprisestwodaysoftraining, entertainment and competing for those all-importantmedalsandgettingtogether withfellowjitsukasandsenseisfromacross the country.

Bronze medals were awarded to Hannah Gibbons, two to Chris Campbell, silver to Liam Hasset and Alexis Tisler, and gold to Laurence Ford. Nick Walkden, David Beckett and Alex Clarke also made it to the finals.

Our competitors fought with a spirit, vigour and determination that clearly impressed the judges, not to mention captivating the audiences!

Sound interesting? If you think this soundsgood,thenJu-Jitsucanoffermore.

The next national event is the Atemi Nationals, which focuses on pure Ju-Jitsu strikes, defensive locks and effective attacks.

If you want to see more, there’s a demo session coming up on Tuesday 11th of March on the Parade at lunchtime.

For those among you who have the determination, spirit and strength to try outthedefensivemartialartofJu-Jitsu, come along to the training sessions in the STV dojo (one of the best in the region) on Wednesdays 8pm-9.30pm, Fridays 5.30pm-8pm or Sundays 6pm-8pm. Our sessions,taughtbysenseisDaveClay,Ian Gillard and Tim Smardon, are dynamic anddisciplinedyetstillrelaxedandfun, with a wide range of manoeuvres being taughtandplentyofopportunitiestomake yourself stand out.

Importantly,youdon’thavetobelargeor strongtoparticipateinjujitsu;it’sallabout technique. It’swhatjitsukascall“minimum effort, maximum effect”, so remember: if it hurts, you’re doing it right!

Royal Holloway

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FOR ONLY the second time in the club’s sixteen-year history, the ‘Killer Bees’ progressed through to the second round of the play-offs, defeating Royal Holloway Vikings 39-0 at the Sulis Club.

Holloway switched the ball for a bar of soap before kick off as Tim Williams struggled to grab a hold of the opening kick off before outlandishly returning the ball 30 yards downfield.

The good field position was duly accepted as Bath punched the ball downfield on a scoring drive which resulted in rookie Anders Bengtson running in from three yards out.

Full credit goes to the fully pumped offensive line that created space for the running backs all day, with particular kudos going to Phil Hancock and Pete Border.

The extra points were added by kicker Adrian Dalmedo, although he struggled with the swirling winds later in the game, missing three in a row.

Holloway seemingly reduced the deficit after scoring a touchdown pass from the strong arm of Quarterback and ex-Bee Stuart Miller; alas it was called back for a tripping penalty.

Bath produced a second quarter display which effectively put the game to bed as Matt Brookes completed touchdown passes to Tim Williams

and Marc Vincent, a player who has blossomed in the final year of his university career.

A further score was added by running back Matt Styles from 34 yards out, and Bath’s defence stepped it up and completely stifled everything Holloway could throw at them, finishing the half 32-0 up.

Given the commanding lead at half time, Bath used the second half to gently integrate some of the younger squad players into the side and gain as much experience as possible for harder tasks ahead.

Indeed it was pleasing to see linebacker Raj Koya getting stuck in, a player who has suffered injuries at a Darren Anderton-esque rate throughout his time at Bath, even if he did give away a ten-yard penalty.

The only scoring of the second half was from running back Gareth Booth, as he bundled into the endzone from a yard out, a score that rewarded the strong running that has become synonymous with him this season.

The defence made sure that Holloway weren’t going to get on the scoresheet, with larger than life Ian Pinder stepping up his game following the loss of Paul Jaggers to injury in Bath’s last fixture.

Finally, I must mention linebacker Graham Johnstone. Although he has been imperious since coming back from injury, he requested that I refrain from mentioning a glaring mistake he made near half time. Sorry.

Archers on Target Anthony Harris

ON SATURDAY 1st March the University Archery Club attended the Indoor BUSA Championships held at York University.

The format is simple enough; shoot five-dozen arrows at a target 60cm in diameter from twenty yards. The points scored for each arrow range from ten for being in the inner gold ring, down to one for being in the outer white ring and zero for a miss, making the maximum possible score for the round 600.

Infrontofarecordfieldof446archers and 39 universities from across the country, the club put in one of its best performances in recent history. The senior team, made up of the top four scores on the day, amassed the biggest team score in eight years of 2176.

This score was enough to finish inside the top ten, taking ninth place overall.

The team was made up of club chairman Daniel Maskell, Jason Ong (both scoring 554, but Daniel going ahead with more golds), Anthony Harris (537), and Stuart Douglas-Davies (531). The four next best scores would have beaten any of the team scoresputforwardbythecluboverthelast five years, demonstrating the strength in depth of the club.

Not to be overshadowed, the novice team – the top three archers starting the sportthisyear–putinatypicallystrong performance, just missing out on a top ten finish on the number of golds. Paul Williams (470), Natalie Fern (465) and Jonathan Payman (457) all shot personal best scores to demonstrate the bright future the club has in the coming years.

In fact it was a novice, impact Photo Editor David Kennaway, who won the club’s only medal, picking the right time toputinhisbesteverscoretotakesilver in the gents’ novice barebow category.

Individuallyfortheseniors,MarkBrennan cameclosesttoamedalfinishing4thinthe gents barebow category.

The scores from this BUSA event were also extracted for use in the South Wales and West Universities league. Both novice and senior teams finished in first place,toleavetheUniversitysittingpretty atthetopofbothleagues-givingBaththe prospectofwinningbothleaguetitlesfor the first time in four years.

Photo: Jason Ong

TUESDAY 11TH MARCH 2008

IMPACT

23

Sport

Ladies’ Hockey Lose Out to student impact is brought to you by...

Extra-Time Golden Goal Editorial Team Bath Ladies’ 1sts 2 Durham Ladies’ 1sts 3

Emma Thomas AFTER A convincing 10-0 win at home to Cardiff in the quarter finals, the University of Bath Ladies’ Hockey 1st team travelled to Nottingham last week to play Durham University in the Semi Finals of the BUSA Championship and to try to maintain their unbeaten record this season, with the hope of progressing to the final for the first time.

The girls started strongly, but an unfortunate deflection led to an early Durham goal. Determined not to give in, the whole team stepped up and their efforts were soon rewarded when captain Emma Thomas intercepted a loose pass and slotted it beyond the helpless Durham goalkeeper.

The second half began at an even greater pace, with the back four of Rachel Jackson, Annika Chapple, Harriet Pearce and Ika Lo moving the ball with confidence and finding gaps in the Durham press. Bath were thriving and the pace and skills of the forward line put constant pressure on the Durham back line. Eventually the pressure told, and Tina Mash finished a well worked short corner routine to go 2-1 ahead.

Tireless work from the midfield of Kim MacGregor, Charlotte Rees and Tash Dykes and some Matrixesque saves from man-of-the-match goalkeeper Lucy Stevenson kept Bath ahead, until a lucky deflection off the crossbar fell into the path of the Durham forward, who could not fail to score.

With only minutes to go, the girls kept fighting for the winner and created several close chances.

With the score 2-2 at the end of normal time, 7 ½ minutes each way of golden goal ensued. Bath looked the stronger and fitter team, and were unfortunate to go down to 10 after a challenge from Mash was deemed too physical. However, the girls fought on and continued to create chances,

RECENT EVENTS in our domestic game seemtobeallaboutglobalisingthePremier League,soit’sarefreshingexperienceto look at the example set by Spanish side Athletic Bilbao, the Rojiblancos.

Situated in the Basque Country in Northern Spain, Athletic Bilbao is one of the famous names in Spanish football.

Historically, the club are considered as Spain’s 3rd club due to their honours and contribution of players to the national team.

The Basque Country is a territory with averystrongidentityand,insomesectors, itstillpossessesanunrelentingdesirefor independence. Whilst many onlookers will associate the drive for independence with the unconscionable actions of the terrorist group ETA, this should not detract focus away from the majority of Basque citizens who hold a controlled and admirableprideintheirregionalidentity.

What makes Athletic so remarkable?

The answer is their recruitment policy.

Forthebestpart of a century, the only playerstogiventheopportunitytostepout onto the hallowed turf of the San Mames Stadium are those that have been born in the Basque Country. That’s right, the 8 leaguetitlesand24CopadelRey(national cup) triumphs that Athletic have won, have been achieved using players from a region with a population equivalent to that of Wales.

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Athletic Basque in National Pride Marcus Haydon Sports Contributor

despite also losing Kim MacGregor to a fractured ankle. Come half time, Mash returnedtothefieldandthegirlsbattled for the winner, but Durham were equal to it and in the dying minutes scored what can only be described as a lucky goal, scrambling it across the line, and ending the game.

After such a successful season, and by far their most complete performance yet,theplayerswerevisiblydistraughtat the result, which many watching would have said they did not deserve. Thanks must go to coaches David Cooper, Jody Paul and James Kellock, the committee, particularly chairman James Christmas, and of course the tremendous travelling crowd. Hopefully next year we can go one better!

Even more remarkable than the impressive array of honours is the fact that in 110 years of existence, Athletic followers have only ever seen their club compete in the Primera Division. Quite a staggering achievement when you considerthatthequalityoftheirsiderelies almost entirely on their cantera (youth academy).

Whilst the popularity of importing foreign talent has escalated around them, Athletic have remained true to their philosophy. Things have got tougher for them in recent years and they have lost their lofty standing of the 1980’s and now find themselves content with retaining their La Liga status.

Sothen,timetochangetheirphilosophy?

Not a chance.

A recent survey amongst Athletic supporters found that 76% of them would ratherberelegatedtotheSegundaDivision than change their stance on selecting only Basque players. Even if the club’s President did want to deviate away from the current philosophy, he would soon findhimselfclearinghisdeskasthe35,000 members who make the decision as to who runstheclubarethesame35,000thatroar the team on at the San Mames.

So, it seems that the cantera policy is here to stay, and good luck to them. For some reason I severely doubt that Arsene Wenger would ever have accepted the Arsenal job had he had his remit included thathecouldonlyrecruitchavsfromNorth London. Aupa Athletic!

Lifesaving Chris McCorquodale Lifesaving Club BATH UNIVERSITY Lifesaving Club represented the University in the second annual University Championships.

The two day event followed a similar programme to the previous year, with a speed lifesaving competition being held on the Saturday, followed by a ‘traditional’ competition, including an incident set by the Royal National Lifeboat Institute.

Speedlifesavingisnotatraditionally strong discipline at Bath, however the small team produced a solid result, placed 6th in the mixed/men’s competition. Special mention must go to Richard Rowe in the ‘superlifesaver’ and ‘individual obstacle’ events, Tom Strachan in the ‘manikin tow with fins’ and Keeley Stepney for her ‘manikin carry’.

The Sunday competition was more to Bath’s forte. The team of four (Lydia Roe, Keeley Stepney, Chris McCorquodale and Captain Tom Strachan) competed across five events; a First Aid incident, a water incident, an outdoor water incident, a line throw relay and a swim-and-tow relay. The results for the first aid incident were particularly encouraging, with the Bath team placed 3rd . 8th overall - a good position for the club to build on in the coming year.

Lifesaving is open to anyone with a basic swimming ability and an interest in learning aquatic and non-aquatic rescue techniques. For more details please contact: lifesaving@bath.ac.uk.

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Covering the issues that matter to students

Football Comment: 23

Jitsu: 22

PHOTOS: Bryn Vaile Matchtight/TeamBath

The STV came under the media spotlight recently when Ant and Dec utilised the unique push-start bob skeleton and bobsleigh track. They were joined by such celebrity ‘superstars’ as Paul Daniels and Melinda Messenger, among Marathon Des Sables: 22 others, in preparation for racing the fearsome Igls track in Austria.

Dando Keeps His Nerve Footballers Through to Final Bath Men’s 1sts Birmingham 1sts

6 5

Chris Cargo THE HOCKEY started at a fast tempo, with Birmingham immediately put on the back foot, and it wasn’t long before Bath took the lead with Chris Cargo’s lucky deflection from an attempted pass.

However Bath’s complacency allowed the Midlands side back into the game withaquickgoal. LuckilyBath’sSpanish import Pablo Fernandez restored the West Countryteam’slead,whenheslidintothe Dlikearabidottertodeflecttheballinthe back of the net.

Baththenwentfromstrengthtostrength with goals from Oliver Hessian with a breathtaking one-handed midair reverse stick hit into the roof of the Birmingham goal followed by Phil Bull who lobbed the goalkeeper from 30 yards.

The major turning point in the game was when the charismatic Phil Bull was bundled over by the opposing centre midfielder;inthedramaofthewholeeventthe Birmingham player lashed out and broke Bull’s fingernail causing serious pain and a red card for the opposing player.

It was up to Martin Sowden’s magic fingerstorestorethecentreforwardtohis unbelievable best.

This obviously should have proven a massive advantage for Bath, however they seemed unable to cope playing against ten players and let Birmingham into the game and conceded before half time. Bath’s17thplayerJodyPauldecided some inspiring four letter words at half time could encourage his men to victory.

However the Bath Rangers did not heed

the ex-Olympian’s words and continued with3D,longballhockeythattheyhavenot been accustomed to all year. Thisresulted in Birmingham scoring another two quick goals, leaving the teams in a scrappy game withneitherteamabletoaffordtoconcede.

It was left to Joe Capone Sterlini to drilltheballreversestickpastahelpless flailing puppy of a goalkeeper to restore the lead. However in the dying seconds the Midlanders were awarded a lucky short cornerandalthoughBathareusuallyableto rely on the ever dependable James Cooper, hewasforonceunabletostoptheresultant rocket from going into the back of the net.

Then followed the eerie sound of the final whistle and dreaded extra time. The combined words of Jody and the rousing song of Big Andy Jones gave the Rangers thesupporttheyneedandtheystartedextra time with a new lease of life. Then in one brief moment, Oliver Hessian who broke through the Birmingham back line, darted pastthedefenderslikeaCheetahhuntingon theplainsofAfrica,onlytobedeliberately fouledintheDandawardedapenaltystroke withonlysecondsleftontheclock. Fromthe Bath back line Ben Dando came through the mist to answer the Rangers’ call.

The ex-Exeter centre back stepped up tothespot. Therestofthespectatorsand players watched, including the Birmingham goalkeeper awash with nerves, the stench was horrific, yet Dando remainedcool. The crowdwassilent,theplayersontenterhooks and then the whistle came. It seemed like an eternity but Dando stepped up and sent theballrocketingintothebackofthenet, the team into the final and the crowd into euphoric rapture, the likes of which have never been seen before. The team faces Loughborough in the final at Sheffield on March 13th.

Bath Men’s 2nds 3 Worcester Men’s 1sts 2 IN THE semi-final of the BUSA football competition, Bath 2nds showed courage and composure in beating a team that can at best be described as playing oldfashioned English football, complete with the requisite number of fouls.

While Bath attempted to play the ball to feet when possible, Worcester seemed perfectlyhappytostickwiththelongballup themiddlestrategy,bypassingthemidfield andrelyingontheirsoliddefencetosoakup pressurecreatedfromtheirconstantlossof possession.

This was understandable to a certain extentconsideringthefacttheyscoredvery early,butthepressurethisinviteddidlet theteamwiththebetterskilllevels,Bath, dictateplay. Thesuperiorpossessiondid tell before the end of the half, with Paul Simmons being held by the defender in the penalty box. The excellent Dave Barley drilledtheresultantpenaltyintothetop right, and Bath were deservedly level.

The second half started brightly, and Bath increased their lead on 60 minutes, withafinecrossfromtheleftbeingsuperbly controlled and fired home by Dave Barley

for his second of the match.

Worcesterwereforcedtochasethegame, and consequently the match undoubtedly improved as a spectacle. Against the run of play, Worcester drew level; a very good turnandshotontheedgeoftheareabeating the ’keeper.

Bath responded well, and soon after were once more ahead, with good passing leading to a neat finish from the right hand side of the penalty box from the Paul Simmons.

Bath were well on top, and this seemed to bring out the worst in the Worcester number 17 in particular, whose ugly challenges perfectly complemented both his appearance and personality.

Hewasdeservedlycautionedaftereighty minutes, for what I would conservatively estimate was his fifteenth foul of the match.

Bathwerenotto beput off,gladly, and calmly played out the remaining minutes for a well deserved place in Sheffield.

There did appear to be some controversy overBathusinga1stXIplayerintheirteam, which will allegedly be the subject of an appeal by Worcester, but for me Bath were byfarthebettersideandearnedtheirplace inthefinalwithanexcellentteamdisplay.

Archery: 22

American Football: 22

Ladies’ Hockey: 23 Lifesaving Competition: 23