impact_vol9_issue7

impact student

Monday 10th December 2007 Volume 9 Issue 7 www.bathimpact.com

Raggies in Burning Vehicle Calamity

• Friction from flat tyre sets car ablaze • Recent training helps passengers escape • RAG rises from flames to claim award Laurence Cable Treasurer impact-treasurer@bath.ac.uk

PART OF the M5 was closed to traffic after the car carrying a group of Bath RAG members caught fire on the hard shoulder recently.

The incident happened when the Ford Galaxy, on hire from Thrifty and driven by Helen Reed, developed a flat tyre just after

junction 11 on the northbound carriageway.

Miss Reed pulled over onto the hard shoulder and evacuated the four passengers, before calling the breakdown recovery service.

The tyre caught fire shortly afterwards, and following a 999 call, the emergency services shut the motorway for a short time as they tackled the blaze.

Itisbelievedthatthisisthefirst fire to have occurred in a Union-

used vehicle, but SU Transport Administrator Paul Brooks stressed that the Union prepares its drivers for the “very real” possibility of a fire.

He said: “The possibility of a vehiclecatchingfireiscertainlynot regarded as a freak occurrence.

“Emergency procedures for the evacuation of a vehicle are part of MiDAS (Minibus Driver Awareness Scheme) training theory sessions. The MiDAS organisation recently added the Minibus Emergency Evacuation Plan training, which includes a practical session with a minibus and a smoke machine, to bring

Good neighbours: The impact team caught up with Dr Karl Kennedy, AKA Alan Fletcher, when the soap star visited campus.

In

impact

Professor Science’s FAQ special.

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home to drivers how difficult it is to evacuate a burning minibus.”

Miss Reed said that her training helped her to respond to the incident calmly. She said: “The Emergency Evacuation training definitely meant that the procedures were at the front of my mind and boosted my confidence in responding to the fire.”

The five RAG members were part of a bigger group on their way to Manchester to help with a collection for Christie’s Cancer Hospital. The five who did make it had a successful weekend, raising £850 and winning the prize for the most money collected per person.

Mr Brooks said that no changes would be made to the Union’s vehicle safety procedures as a result of the incident, as tyre checks already form part of both pre-drive checks and of the regular maintenance programme.

However, he revealed that he will be altering the theory sessions to include guidelines for what to do when a flat tyre has been run at speed, and that smoke-based Emergency Evacuation Plan will shortly become a compulsory part of driver training.

He said: “The Transport Office will shortly be adding Minibus Emergency Evacuation Procedure trainingtoits‘initial’and‘update’ driver training. I have also circulated a memo to all drivers stressing that they should inform passengers about which minibus door to exit from in an emergency and how to operate the seat release levers in the back row of MPVs.”

impact Propels Student to Glory

Star Oars: Jon Ford is all smiles after an impact campaign helped him to victory in an online party trick poll, winning hundreds of pounds’ worth of equpment for the Students’ Union.

See News (Page 3).

this week...

Your free, but very disturbing, Christmas poster poster.

Page 18

Interview with Bath star Danny Grewcock.

Sport, Page 24

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IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

News

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the Students’ AGM Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor AT THE Annual General Meeting of the Students’ Unions and Societies last month, one recurring theme on both the agenda and in the questions to the Sabbatical Officers was that of money.

In terms of the affiliation with the National Union of Students, the Bath Student’s Union has had its membership fee decreased from £56,000 to £33,000. Whether this will result in a budget surplus this year and what will be done with this extra money has yet to be discussed.

It was stressed during the meeting that the responsibility of managing funds gained from membership fees is exclusively at the discretion of the respective societies. No capital gained from these fees will go to fund a different society.

One issue that was raised during the questions was that the cash machine in Norwood, at the foot of the stairs to the Plug Bar is often empty and unable to dispense any money. While no direct solution was forthcoming, the Union explained that filling the ATM is now the duty of the bank that runs the machine, Alliance & Leicester, and it is no longer a prerogative of the Students’ Union. In practice, the cash machine is supposed to alert the company when its cash levels fall below a certain level. The SU declared that the current response to this problem is unacceptable and the issue will be sorted as soon as possible.

A key concern at the meeting was that, at present, the University of Bath’s Library card does not feature the official NUS logo insignia, and as such is sometimes not accepted for student discounts. The Union

attributed the complexities of the matter to the fault of the retailers, as recently the NUS has scrapped the traditional NUS Card for NUS Extra meaning that this is the only way to get an NUS discount. Any generic student deals, i.e. not exclusive to the NUS, should be available upon presentation of a library card, which proves the bearer is a student.

However, the lack of an official NUS logo on Bath’s card has led some outlets to be sceptical of its authenticity. The Bath SU doubts that this will change though, as it is likely that the NUS wishes to ensure that the Extra card is the only way to get NUS discounts.

While the SU was unable to announce many clear solutions to the issues raised, the overall sentiment seems to be that the Union will do everything to ensure that every matter will be investigated fully.

Mass Debate in Bath Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor ON DECEMBER 1st the Bath University Debating Society (BUDS) hosted its annual Inter-varsity competition at the Bath Royal Literary & Scientific Institution. 24 teams from all around the country participated.

For each round, six different debates took place simultaneously. Not all debatesarecentredonpoliticsormorality, a theme that is stressed at the Bath IV. When it came to round three, “This House Would Bring Them Home”, the teams chose this to mean a wide range of topics; some arguing that we must pull outofIraq,sometriedtoabolishboarding schools. One ambitious team attempted to outline plans to legalise necrophilia; at the end of which one of the judges exclaimed humorously “I have to say, I wish I was dead!”

The final saw Exeter and Bristol

NOT QUITE YOUTUBE: However the debates still drew a strong crowd. proposing “This House Believes that HateisaForceforGood”,interpretingthe motiontomeanthat‘militaryintervention againstdictatorshipsisessentiallyabenefit to humanity’. They faced opposition from Bristol and Reading’s Cruel and Unusual, the latter of whom won the day. Charlie Williams began his animated speech with “We are Reading’s Cruel and Unusual. I am the unusual one and [team-mate Ro Cabral] is the cruel one.”

During the final there were a great

numberofpoignantideasflyingacrossthe table. As soon as Chris Hopkins of Exeter said “We did cut, we did run, and what a mess we made”, Ro Cabral jumped in with “Ifwegivedictatorsachoicetoeitherlet goofpower,ortoholdontoit,keepingit is always the one they like to do.”

Daniel Feld, Secretary of BUDS, said “It was a decidedly close match and a difficult topic to discuss; however, we decided that humour was a vital element.”

people in university by 2010 as to why millions were now doing courses with a ‘poor track record’ of resulting in well paid work.

The Institute of Education in London’s Dr Anna Vignoles suggested that the problem is caused by not having graduates with the right skills. “In some markets, like arts and humanities, we

are over-supplied, but when it comes to maths and science, we still don’t have enough people,” she said.

The University of Bath has a variety of Arts subjects such as languages and coaching, as well as prestigious departments in science areas such as Mathematics and Mechanical Engineering.

UK Graduates “Not Using Their Degrees” Sean Lightbown Ents Co-Editor impact-ents@bath.ac.uk RESEARCH HAS found that a third of all university graduates will end up in a job that does not require a degree.

The findings, published by scholars at Kent University, also suggest that students taking Art and Humanities subjects or graduating from a former polytechnic are the likeliest to end up overqualified for work.

Shadow higher education minister David Willetts blamed government targets of trying to get half of young

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

Shock and Oar

“It was a bit of a surprise really... I didn’t expect to win at all.”

VICTORY OAR BUST: Surprised Kit Your Uni winner Jon Ford. after his victory was announced. “It was a bit of a surprise really,” he said.

“I only did it because it was there. It

just seemed like a laugh at the time, but then I started getting loads of votes on the website. I didn’t expect

The prize includes several top of the line Intel products, including notebooks, LCD screens and a media centre. Impact raised the question about where all this equipment would go at the SU Annual General Meeting, since no obvious common room exists at the moment. The answer was that the SU was looking into converting part of the Terrace into a social space, with Intel willing to fund the arts societies to decorate the area. Another alternative is to put the equipment in the activities corridor.

For more information, and to see all the shortlisted videos, visit www. kityouruni.com.

Lights, Camera... More Oxford Bath University! Debate Controversy

Lucy Saunders News Contributor THE UNIVERSITY of Bath normally enters the spotlight for its widely respected degree programmes and successful graduates. However, this coming April, all this will change with the airing of the new BBC archaeological drama ‘Bone Kickers’.

You may ask what the connection is between Bath and such a drama but it has been recently announced by the BBC and the University that our very own campus is set to be one of the locations for its filming.

Co-creator Ashley Pharoah has described Bath as “drenched in history - pretty useful for a show about archaeology,” and chose the University campus because “we wanted a modern looktojuxtaposeagainstalltheGeorgian and Roman architecture, to help it feel contemporary”. ’Bone Kickers’ will be a six part

News Major Excitment

to win at all.”

When asked whether he thought that impact’s support contributed to his success, he simply replied that “it probably helped, what with the publicity and all,” adding “my friends thought it was hilarious that I got a whole article in impact.”

Josh Cheesman News Editoar impact-news@bath.ac.uk

UNIVERSITY OF Bath student Jon Ford has had reason to celebrate recently – and so has the University itself. Jon’s now-famous oar trick has come top in an online competition, winning hundreds of pounds of computer equipment for the Students’ Union.

The Intel ‘Kit Your Uni’ competition went to universities across the country during their Freshers’ Weeks, filming 362 students and their party tricks ranging from juggling while eating to licking their own elbows. They were then whittled down to a shortlist of 37 finalists, who all appeared on the Kit Your Uni website.

Jon Ford, a 21-year-old Aerospace Engineering from Crawley, soon emerged as the favourite with his canoe paddle trick, in which he passes the oar over his head and steps through it twice – all without letting go of it. His video got 40% of the votes, with 1,285 visitors rating it the best of the bunch. impact caught up with Jon soon

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drama series, set against the backdrop of Bath, which will revolve around a team of investigators aiming to uncover a series of ancient artefacts in order to unlock the dangers and mysteries of the past. Of course, this is not the whole story. The main character, postgraduate Gillian, is on her own quest to hunt down thegreatesttreasureinthehistoryofman before her rival gets to it first.

The show is the product of the writers Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah who were behind the brilliant drama ‘Life on Mars’ and the recent series of ‘Doctor Who’, so there will be high hopes for ‘Bone Kickers’ going on their previous successes. The BBC is describing this intriguing new drama as taking history and making it “sexy, accessible and exciting”. The success of ‘Bone Kickers’ will surely also be influenced by its timely airing in the build up to the release of the new Indiana Jones film ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’, as archaeological mysteries take over the media.

Filming for the drama will take place between now and March 2008 but unfortunately will, wherever possible, be happening at weekends and out of term time to minimise disruption to the University; unlucky for all those hoping to casually stumble upon set and maybe even upon the chance of being an extra.

CARRY ON MAJOR: Conservative Future member Chris Palmer with the former PM Matthew Butler News Contributor

MEMBERS OF Bath University’s Conservative Future met the former Prime Minister Sir John Major on Monday 26th November for a reception in London.

The evening, which had been organised by the Tory Reform Group, started with a question and answer session in which Bath CF members Matthew Butler and James Nugent brought up the issue of transport.

Asked about his legacy of privatising the railways, Sir John denied that it had been a mistake. He denounced the ‘malign nonsense’ written about the state of the railways before privatisation and argued that there had been a significant improvement in services since.

Afterwards, members seized the opportunity to take pictures of themselves with Sir John before heading off to the pub.

University to Pull Out of Swindon FREE TO SPEAK?: Nick Griffin (left) and David Irving.

Marcel Oomens News Contributor TWO WEEKS ago a debate with Nick Griffin and David Irving at the Oxford Union went ahead as planned amidst demonstrations by University students and members of the National Union of Students. Nick Griffin, chairman of the British National Party, and David Irving, who has spent three years in an Austrian prison for denying the holocaust, were invited to speak by the Oxford Union Debating Society.

Following initial protests by students ahead of the controversial talk, it was decided by vote that the debate should go ahead as planned, although the number of protesters who turned out prevented the debate from being held at the University itself.

The issue recalls rallies by Bath

students last year, when Mr. Griffin was invited to speak here. His talk was subsequently cancelled by the University, citing security reasons, but went ahead at a different venue in Bath.

Yvonne Aburrow from the Universities and Colleges Union, which was instrumental in organising the protests last year, said that “following theresultofthevoteitwasvalidforthe Oxford Union debate go ahead,” but regrets Mr. Griffin was invited in the first place. Danny Lake, the student who invited Nick Griffin to speak at Bath University and leader of Young BNP, hailed the decision by the Oxford Union to let the debate go ahead as planned, saying the protesters who stormed the Union during the debate are “guilty of becoming the very monster they claim to be fighting”.

Matthew Hartfield Deputy News Editor

ON THE 29th November, the University of Bath’s council passed a motion confirming its intention to withdraw from the Oakfield Campus in Swindon.

Very few reasons have been given for the decision to withdraw at the moment; howeverfromdetailsreleaseditseemsthat a lack of money underlined the decision, with a statement reading that “It was regrettablethattheportfolioofactivities did not generate sufficient recurrent incometoensurethesustainabilityofthe Oakfield Campus”.

This problem was exacerbated by the factthattheUniversityisunabletoexpand the Oakfield Campus, which was hoped to make up the money that it required.

Council members have taken the time to praise the “enthusiasm and professionalism”oftheresidentstaff,and will aim to continue developing business links in the area.

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IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Comment

“Deck The Halls!”

(But Not Too Early) Charlotte King Comment Editor impact-comment@bath.ac.uk IT’S MID-OCTOBER and I’m entering Clinton Cards to find a card for my brother’s birthday. This may be quite difficult. I don’t want to buy a witch’s hat for Halloween and I don’t want to very prematurely purchase a Christmas card. I have to wade through these first two festivity layers in order to reach the now very much reduced-in-size birthday card section. I’ve only been at University around a month so the last thing that’s on my mind is buying Christmas paraphernalia.

I reach the desk to pay for the birthday card. No I don’t want to buy Christmas stamps, thank you.

I resist the temptation to roll my eyes, and look forward to the cheesy Christmas music that will soon be inescapable unless the trusty iPod is on quite high.

What is with this incessant need of shops to bombard us with Christmas

stock so early that when the time comes to actually buy presents (unless you’re the sort of person to buy things extremely early) you’re sick to the back teeth of seeing it all around you?

Well it is obvious of the need. Shops are there to sell stock, so there must be people who buy their Christmas pud so early that the shops are enticed to put out their stock while people are still in shorts and flip-flops.

Even if you don’t step into a shop you can’t escape the Christmas lights (although admittedly not turned on too early on in the calendar but their presence is still obvious). Were there no high-street light-fitters available at the end of November so that only an early booking had to be made?

Surely not.

But don’t get me wrong. I like Christmas. I also like my birthday, but not two months early. I love buying presents for people and I’d be lying if I said I’d never bought an early Christmas gift that was perfect for someone I knew. I’m talking about having cards written and sealed

by mid-October.

Technically it should only be celebrated by those who believe in the birth of Jesus Christ. After all Christmas is just ‘Christ’s Mass’.

But Christmas is inescapable if you live here in the UK whatever your religion or lack of religion, in and many other countries as a national holiday, so even if you don’t have Christian religious views it can still be a time for rest and relaxation.

It may not be that relaxing for those among us who let it get too much, as Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year for many. Cooking for hours. Shopping for hours for perfect gifts. It all gets a bit out of hand. It all needs to be put into perspective. Discounting Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, it is just one day of the year.

Although the arguably overfestivities grate on me, one thing I must say that I am glad that the decorations haven’t been banned because they ‘offend’ someone who is not Christian.

‘Tis The Season To Be Jolly...

Emma Simmons

Deputy Comment Editor

I’M AFRAID to say that I’m one of those annoying people who loves that advent calendars go on sale in October and who is perfectly happy to know (in September) that Morrison’s has 213 reasons for you to do your Christmas food shopping in their store. For me it only serves to heighten the excitement which always builds up in the countdown to December 25th.

People say that the early advertising over-commercialises a festival which shouldn’t be about spending money,

receiving gifts and deciding which turkey is the best value for money. However, I say that these are people who just haven’t been celebrating Christmas in the right way!

Okay, so not everyone is as lucky as me and has a family who they look forward to spending time with, but in my opinion there is nothing better than waking

up in the morning, sharing gifts with your family and then spending the day together, cooking, playing board games, and of course eating the all-important Christmas dinner.

It might sound as if I’m a member of the Brady Bunch, but we just do the stereotypical ‘family things’ on Christmas Day. In our fast-moving world, we rarely have the time to spend with our friends and families and properly enjoy their company, I mean, who can say that they regularly spend quality time with their family without someone rushing off for work or to go out? Far less than was the case in the past, that’s for sure.

And so Christmas Day provides a time which you really can spend with your family and forget about the stresses and strains of work and other commitments. (Don’t think I’m forgetting any of you poor people who have to work on Christmas Day, because I’m not, but even if you do have to work, you’re probably getting paid extra or enjoying some kind of perk, and if not maybe you should get a new job!)

Itisn’tjustChristmasDayitselfwhich

makes this time of year great either, as December is a time of numerous parties and get-togethers, and is the time to catch up with people you haven’t seen all year. Christmas puts everyone in a good mood, and with flashing lights on houses, carol singers and the fact that Christmas sees the UK consuming 10 million turkeys, 25 million Christmas puddings, 250 million pints of beer and 35 million bottles of wine, who could be in a bad mood?!

Okay, so perhaps it should be remembered that Christmas is a religious festival,andalltheothermaterialthings are unnecessary, but the religious message is far from forgotten.

How many stories from the Bible do children these days know? In most cases the answer would be very few, but one which almost every child could tell you is that of Jesus’ birth. Nearly all children have taken part in a Nativity play, and understand a small part of the religious history of Christmas.

Whilst it may be true that when children wake up at 6 a.m on Christmas morning the last thing on their minds is singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Jesus, they do know the reason that we celebrate on December 25th.

I know that, in my village at least, the church is more full on Christmas Eve than it is at any other time of the year (and that’s not totally down to the fact that you get a funky orange!) So surely the modern way of celebrating Christmasisn’tsuchaninsulttoreligion as many claim.

It just seems that people these days are so busy that they forget about all the wonderful, simple things which make life fun; singing carols, sharing gifts and spending time with friends and family - which are things to be enjoyed.

Before you know it, it’ll be January again and you’ll be back into the hustle and bustle of uni life, so make the most of this magical time of year! I guess all that’s left to say is ‘Merry Christmas’ and I hope Father Christmas brings you all you’ve wished for!

Deck the Halls : Lyrics

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Troll the ancient Yule tide carol, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yule before us, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Strike the harp and join the chorus.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me in merry measure, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

While I tell of Yule tide treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

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Comment

Have You Been Watching You Do Your the News Recently?

Thing and I’ll Do Mine... Differently

Vanessa Ryan

EVERYTIME I hear the news at the moment I’m left with an uncomfortable sense that we are teetering on the edge of something, something large and unpredictable, and definitely unknown in terms of impact.

The past six months has seen an upheaval in international affairs, more so than normal, and is this something we can really ignore whilst contently occupied in our comfortable student lifestyle? June witnessed the deepening to the Middle East Crisis with Hamas, the militant Islamist group-led takeover of the Gaza Strip, instituting a deep division of the Palestinan population and ever-reclining territories. The international response...? A blind eye.

The Palestinian national unity government was dismissed by President Abbas and at the same time he appointed a new Fatah-dominated government to lead the West Bank, the largest of the Palestinian territories.

Perhaps this was a rational response to the uprising in Gaza, but this boycott of Hamas and Gaza can now be seen as on a par with the international community’s response. The issue still remains unresolved today. Palestinian

people are still trapped in the Gaza strip, running low on day-to-day commodities and uncertain as to their future. Surely isolating Hamas strengthens its more radical wings and other more radical Palestinian forces?

However, with the issue of Gaza ticking along in the backdrop, the US is still unrelentingly pursuing its efforts to clinch a peace deal between Palestine and Isreal, all the while continuing their policy of non-dialogue with Hamas, and therefore without consultation of the population stuck in Gaza. Security and a credible peace process depend on minimal intra-Palestinianconflict,andtherefore surely the current situation cannot be conducive to securing a lasting peace between Israel and Palestine, whose conflict is so deeply historically entrenched.

This is evident in that once again, last week Condoleezza Rice delayed announcing a date for the Middle East peace conference that the US was originally supposed to host this month.

Even more striking about the current situation in the Middle East and the overarching US efforts in Israel and Palestine is the contradiction of

US foreign policy concerning arms.

Hardly reported in the media, the US struck a record-breaking arms deal with the Middle East, providing Israel with $30 billion worth of arms, $20bn for Saudi Arabia, $13bn for Egypt and $20bn to be shared between Qatar, Bahrain, Oman and the United Arab Emirates. This is undoubtedly a war-mongering move of Bush’s, who is concerned about the increasing influence and belligerent power of a possibly nuclear Iran. This move by the US is very alarming. Would it not be better for powers such as the US, Europe, China, Russia, Japan and India to use their economic and political clout to work toward a verifiable nuclear-free Middle East, including Israel?

Whatever the uncertainty about the international agenda at this present moment in time, what is sure is that we cannot really rest complacent to the world around us.

Our generation will be the diplomats, politicians and businessmen of the future and by increasing our awareness now, hopefully we will approach our international futures with more pragmatism than that of our predecessors.

and on the other side, it is further proof of a continuous campaign to denounce Islam. Yet in context, this trivial diplomatic argument is not about rival Gods, but a calculated political manoeuvre.

Khartoum (the Sudanese capital) picked this fight with the UK very carefully; the idea was (and still is) to distract attention from its insidious role in the Darfur conflict.

In doing this, Sudan will be able to show off its Islamic credentials (after

receiving a warning from Osama bin Laden last month), to bolster its own power and to strike a blow against the West. President Omar al-Bashir has been spoiling for a fight with Britain ever since the UK threatened sanctions against Khartoum if Darfur peace talks don’t go well, which, I might add, they are not.

As always, the dispute could have been resolved easily with quiet diplomacy, but the actions of the Sudanese government have been

LITTLE ENRAGES me more than disrespect for the vocation of others.

I was deeply offended a few weeks ago by a gentleman who engaged me in casual conversation. “What subject do you do?” he asked. “French and Spanish,” I replied. Out of mutual politeness, I asked him the same question. “Chemical Engineering,” he said.

This, naturally, did not bother me, for while I cannot begin to understand the subject, I do appreciate that it is certainly a noble and useful occupation. I was only dismayed by what he said afterwards; “I think I’ll go further [in life]”. He wasn’t joking either. Indeed, he will go further, but only if we are measuring how far we go into the field of chemical engineering.

The University’s motto is Generatim discite cultus – “Learn each field of study according to its kind”. No subject is better than another.

As a linguist in a science-based

establishment, I am constantly faced with the same three displays of ignorance and arrogance. One, everybody speaks English, two, languages are useless, and three, linguists don’t have any work (I got that last one a lot during Reading Week). Naturally, this is all complete nonsense. I appreciate that you cannot cure a disease by talking to it (although some psychologists may disagree) but similarly, you must understand that languages are vital in business, government, broadcasting and so on. After all, when you make your big discovery, how are you going to explain how it works?

Perhaps it is a difference in thinking processes. Scientists are trained to analyse every little detail, while linguists are encouraged to look at things more contextually.

Whatever the reasons may be, this intellectual snobbery must stop.

After all, if everyone did the same thing, then nothing would ever get done. Well, the same thing would get done... a lot.

incredibly inflammatory, with mass media campaigns and demonstrations circulated around the city.

In Britain, there is a similar confrontational pattern when it comes to this sort of topic, like when Iran took British soldiers hostage, or when Ken Bigly was decapitated. The Right will be outraged at the idea of a kindly 54-year old woman facing 40 lashes, and send Boris Johnson out to chunter on about the good old days when we could have just sent in a

gunboat. The Left will be attempting death-defying stunts in order to show cultural respect.

The key idea here is that Mrs Gibbons was never facing the maximum penalty of a six-month death sentence; she was to be deported after fifteen days.

Just as when the Iranian President, Mahmud Ahmadinejad, released the British navy crew after they had served their purpose. This has very little to do with religion, but everything to do with showboating Sudanese politics.

Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor

The Bear is No Longer an Issue; it’s Actually All About Scapegoats Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor A BRITISH teacher who allowed her class to name their teddy bear Mohammad, was sentenced to 15 days in jail followed by deportation from Sudan last week. She was found guilty of insulting Islam.

On November 29th, the Foreign Secretary, David Milliband, said, “We are extremely disappointed that the charges against Gillian Gibbons were not dismissed.” After the FCO mobilised itself, she was released. The official charge from some clerics was that the act was “part of a Western plot against Islam.”

They are right to be suspicious, but they are accusing the wrong suspect; after all, the children named the bear, and they are crawling away scott-free from this. Not only did they name the bear, they voted on it.

Clearly, Mrs Gibbons has been sneaking a bit of democracy into the country! After all, if they can be encouraged to enjoy voting on names for toy animals, this might develop into the desire to vote on things that are more important, like deciding who gets to embezzle the international aid money, for example.

Seriously though, once again this seems like a typically familiar religious debate; on one side it is an example of the barbarism that is a hallmark in a fundamentalist interpretation of Islam;

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IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Comment

Britain’s Favourite Ally

Mats Kuuskemaa denounces the ethnic cleansing going on in Darfur, and Britain’s seemingly controversial involvement. Is the Home Office collaborating with the murders?

62 YEARS have passed since the end of WW II and 13 years have passed since the Rwandan genocide. The loss of millions’ lives is blamed on ethnic cleansing. When looking back at these conflicts, the voice of Mankind is unified: “Never again should this be allowed to happen.”

However, ethnic cleansing is happening right now, in front of our eyes. It is claimed that since 2003 at least 200,000 Sudanese have lost their lives in the Darfur crisis, mostly caused by the government-backed Janjaweed militia, which has been widely accused of ethnic cleansing. Furthermore, the crisis has led to a humanitarian catastrophe, which has forced 2.5 million people to seek refuge.

Throughout the conflict, Britain’s most high-ranking politicians have made it clear how urgently we need to act. The conflict has not ended, (civiliansarebeingstillbeingkilledon daily bases in Darfur region of Sudan) so Britain has acted.

It has showed assertiveness in the UN Security Council, pushing through tougher resolutions and spending millions of pounds in order to ease the effects of the current humanitarian crisis. Gordon Brown made his best intentions concerning the Darfur crisis clear in his recent speech: “And let me say that commitment to international action on justice means today to prevent genocide; the world must through the UN, urgently act in Darfur.”

Yet Britain has also had to deal with Darfuri refuge seekers. It is questionable whether or not the Home Office’s treatment of the refugees has been up to its own internal regulations and UN guidelines.

The Home Office has denied asylum for several hundred Darfuri refuge seekers, despite the advice from the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, who insisted that Darfuris are at risk of torture and death if returned to Sudan.

Furthermore, it is claimed that the

Home Office has allowed Sudanese officials to interview Darfuri refugees in the UK. The Home Office has justified this behaviour by the need to establish the nationality of immigration offenders during the re-documentation process.

An official from the Sudanese Embassy was seconded to the Home Office for six weeks to interview nearly 100 people from Darfur. An investigation by researchers from ‘Waging Peace’, a London-based pressure group, found that Sudanese officials were given personal details of asylum-seekers and were allowed to question them in Arabic during meetings with British immigration officers.

UN guidelines state that asylumseekers’ personal details should be kept strictly confidential and that contact with their country of origin should not take place until a final rejection of the asylum claim. Yet 16 out of 30 asylumseekers, interviewed by researchers from Waging Peace, said that they had been questioned by a Sudanese official even though they were still pursuing claims for asylum. This behaviour has been widely criticised.

According to Louise Roland-Gosselin, Director of Waging Peace, “The United Kingdom has a legal obligation under international law to protect Darfuri asylum-seekers from persecution.

Providing access to and information on asylum seekers whose claims are still being considered is a clear breach of confidentiality and a violation of asylum-seekers’ human rights”.

According to a report published

by Waging Peace, there have been several cases when Sudanese officials are alleged to have had details of the names, addresses and families of the refuge seekers, during the Home Office interviews. In other cases they are claimed to have access to immigration files. The report also highlights the case of a man named Rashid who was interviewed by a Sudanese official in March. He told the researchers that

he had been asked about his family and attacks by Janjaweed militia. The official was claimed to have asked him “Why have you come to Britain to say that the Sudanese government and the Janjaweed have killed your family and why are you claiming asylum? I am from the Sudanese government and I will make sure that you are returned to Sudan so that the Government of Sudan kills you.”

Rashid is still waiting for a decision on his latest asylum claim. His claim for asylum has been rejected before.

In another case a man called Mustapha was told in Arabic: “Wherever you go, we will follow you and get you”.

According to the report, more than

100 people have been intimidated by Sudanese officials, which has left them disturbed and frightened. The feelings of a typical refugee being interviewed by a Sudanese official are best described by Sadiq Abakar.

“I came to this country because of the regime torturing us. We were running from it because we were scared for our lives. We came here because we thought we would be safe and peaceful. But we saw the people we were running from inside the Home Office. The Home Office handed us to them.” Mr Abakar’s claim for asylum from 2005 was still open when being interviewed by Sudanese officials. The Home Office has denied allegations of

involving external governments before asylum decisions have been taken.

Not much is known about the fate of the refugees deported back to Sudan, because few of them have managed to flee Sudan repeatedly. It is known that Hatem Hussein, a 27-year old Darfuri refugee, forced to fly back to Khartoum, was taken directly from the plane to be tortured. “I cannot remember those days without crying”, he says of the beatings he suffered during an interrogation session, in which he says he was accused of being a British spy.

Mr Hussein explains how he was tied to a ceiling fan with his hands and feet bound and assaulted repeatedly before being put in a small room filled with a noxious gas. He was told over and over that as a black Darfuri, he was not truly Sudanese. After three days, and without explanation, a bloodied and exhausted Mr Hussein was put on a plane back to Britain, where his new asylum claim is still pending.

It is perfectly understandable that the Home Office cannot accept every refugee’s plea. Yet shall we be proud of a government which actively collaborates with the Government of Sudan, a government that has done nothing to prevent hundreds of thousands of Sudanese being massacred by the Janjaweed militia?

Should we ignore the Home Office’s bad habits; violating UN guidelines and allowing representatives of the Sudanese Government to interrogate its victims in the UK? When deporting refugees, the Home Office assumes that it is safe enough for these people to return.

But what of Ms Smith and Mr Brown? The latter has always made clear how compassionate he is about the suffering of the Sudanese people and not having blood on his hands when returning the refugees to Sudan, and yet there is evidence that these people have been tortured after arriving in Sudan. These are questions that we have to ask ourselves and perhaps Her Majesty’s Government too.

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AT 12.00PM in Aix-en-Provence, the shops become empty. Employees turn the signonthedoorto“closed”,notreturning toreverseituntilatleast2:00pm. Ifitisa reasonably sunny day – which it normally is – the man who works in the shoe shop on Rue des Cordeliers, sets up his little round table in the middle of an already narrow pavement, takes out a colourful salad and a book, and gets stuck in. A littlebitlater,thebookandthesaladare replaced by a cafetière and a handful of colleagues who join him for coffee. Such is the sanctity of lunchtime in France.

Aix, where the shop to restaurant ratio is surely leaning in favour of the restaurants, offers further proof of the importance given to food in France. If restaurants don’t win it outright, the fact that probably about halftheshopsarebakeries,patisseriesor confiseries – sometimes all three at once – certainly suggests that food-oriented establishments have the upper hand. And let’snotforgetthebistrots,brasseries, cafes and crêperies. Or the Salons du

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Scant’s Regard: Food, Glorious Food... and the Tales of a True Sweet Tooth!

Every issue Laura Scantlebury reports on the perils of spending a year abroad in Aix-en-Provence. This week, we are lured into Laura’s vivid description of a food-lover’s idea of paradise. thé. I suppose that is technically to do with drink, but the general idea is clear: eating and drinking are so fundamental to life, that the French have invented an extensivevocabularytoallowthetopicto be discussed in full, most probably over an espresso or salade niçoise.

Hours on end are dedicated to sipping coffee outside in the afternoon sunshine and a meal is not a meal unless it takes at least three hours and includes a starter,

main dish, dessert and is accompanied by leisurely chatter. Admittedly, some of the time is spent waiting for a waiter who, when he deigns to take your order, arrives at the table with a haughty glare, says the barest minimum and brings you the food and the bill in silence. This, however, is not rudeness, but merely a demonstration that the waiter takes his job, and by extension the food, very seriously.

Food is central to French life, and as such is always available. Every day, farmers’marketstakeplaceinthesquares around the town centre, so the pleasant aroma of fresh vegetables, bread and spiceslingersintheair–alongwithanot entirelylovelyodourfromthefishmarket.

If you need a coffee or something to eat on a Sunday, no problem, restaurants and cafes are always open. On the other hand, if what you wanted was a coat or a

screwdriver you can forget it. Anything unrelated to food is shut on a Sunday, and probably Monday too. But what about those midnight croissant cravings that happen to even the best of us? Panic not.

The 24-hour bakery will provide.

Being guilty of an unforgivable crime, vegetarianism, and thus showing a lack of proper respect towards food, I have felt it my duty to make amends through my commitment to patisserie(chocolate tarts and suchlike) and viennoiserie (croissants, for example). Tough going, I know, but as an enthusiastic sort of person I launched myself with gusto into the task of chocolate consumption.

It was the right thing to do. Nobody makes chocolatey things like the French.

The window displays, in the patisserie shops are works of art: they tempt the passer-by with delicately patterned chocolates, sugar-glazed fruit tarts and cakes with exquisite icing. The French areperfectionists,andthesedelightstaste every bit as good as they look. Food is not simply about convenience, a fact of survival; it is a form of art, a social activity. In short, it is sacred.

Death by Chocolate in Bath’s Sweet Streets

Matt Hartfield and Siân Lewis accept the arduous task of trying out the best truffles in Bath, just in time for Christmas. It’s tough being a journalist…

REMEMBER BEING small, gorging on all your Christmas chocolate in five minutes and feeling so huge you couldn’t breathe? With Christmas time approaching we should be thinking about gifts and ultimately, everyone wants chocolate; the ultimate stocking filler. Luckily, Bath spoils you with its range of sweet shops, both independent and mainstream. The choices can be overwhelming. Thankfully, impact is here to help - sending two dedicated reporters out into Bath’s historic streets to find the sweetest deal.

Commencing our gastronomic quest, we tried four truffles from each shop, choosing an eclectic mix, ranging from the classic to the bizarre. We then retired with our purchases and coffee

to deliberate. After sixteen chocolates, our enthusiasm had waned, but in the name of journalism we battled it out to present you with our findings.

MINERVA, 14 Cheap Street Delicious chocolate aroma and nice décor, a good place to have coffee.

However, rather boring and confusing truffle displays and a limited range.

We tried: The Speciality Truffle – Outstanding design, very good quality chocolate. A simple praline taste.

The Rice Crispy – Unpretentious and fun, with a nutty flavour.

The Caramel and Grand Marnier – Sickly, grainy texture and way too sweet.

The Rose and Violet – Smells like pot pourriortoiletduck,tastesinsipidlike perfume. Disgusting.

LEONIDAS, 19 High Street Leonidas is for serious chocolate lovers. Lots of choice and a beautiful display. The staff are friendly and seem to really care, and there is a wide range of pretty gift boxes – perfect for mothers.

We tried: The Cocoa truffle – A classic chocolate; a pure flavour with a bitter dust coating. High quality.

Brandy truffle – Very tart, similar to brandy butter. Boozy but not too sweet.

The Pistachio – Initially far too sweet but reveals a nice marzipan taste, with a strong white chocolate coating.

Hazelnut cream – This texture is far too buttery. A rather sickly caramel flavour. Not nice at all.

THORNTONS, 14 Union Street This chain store has a rather dirty display. The truffles all have exotic names but the quality isn’t great.

The staff are quite surly and not very helpful.

We tried: The Champagne heart – This one is all looks, a heart shape in a pretty gold wrapper. No alcohol taste at all.

The Mousse – A good truffle, very light, with a subtle creamy taste.

The Gingerbread – Chewy and a little overpowering but a spicy, festive flavour.

Apple and Blackberry – Far too sweet and jammy. A little like Turkish delight.

THE FUDGE FACTORY 6 Church Street, Abbey Green You’re instantly hit by the amazing smell of burnt caramel and the

attractive displays. Fun treats – not just truffles but rich fudge, great gifts and candy apples.

We tried: The Xmas Pudding – A very original and fun design. This has a delicious and slightly alcoholic taste. Our overall favourite.

Irish Cream – A little too sweet, the alcohol tasted quite cheap.

Tiramisu – A rather boring looking truffle but with a strong, creamy white chocolate taste.

Chocolate Orange – Pleasantly bitter, like orange rind. Has a lovely strong aftertaste.

Our Verdict Firstly, we do not recommend trying sixteen truffles in one sitting.

Seriously.

Our overall favourite, Leonidas is thebestplaceforserioustrufflelovers.

It offers good quality, it’s reasonably priced, with a great selection, and has beautiful gift boxes for under the Christmas tree.

The Fudge Factory has a fun, delicious atmosphere – it smells divine and has the best variety and service. A great place for a coffee and a treat.

Minerva really could do with a wider range and a more exciting display, but it does offer original designs – we especially liked the truffle shaped like Minerva’s head.

However it is rather steep for student budgets.

Thornton’s is very run of the mill, a dullchainstore.Theserviceisn’tgreat, and don’t be enticed by pretentious names for cheap chocolate.

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X-mas Festivities in the Shadows of X-ams

Psychology student Rosanna Pajak shows how passing exams can be as rewarding as the joys of Christmas.

THE EXAMS. I know, I know, we are all trying hard to enjoy the festive season, but it is very hard for us to ignore them, especially in final year.

They are always there, looming in the near future. Right now they’re lurking just out of sight, making us feel guilty for spending a day hungover in bed, or for heading off on the ski-trip when we really should be revising.

Struggling through a lecture the morning after the Snowball, it suddenly struck me how amazing it was that I was there at all. In terms of the best way to spend my day, sitting through two hours of pain was much less appealing than a nice healthy lie in. So why did I choose to do this? I guess its all about getting to the next step: it’s because I want to do well in the exam, because I want to get a good degree, so I can get a good job and... have a nice life? But how exactly does such a vague life ambition actually translate to my decision to set my alarm for 8 am?

Motivation is an internal state or condition, which serves to activate or energise behaviour and give it direction. Sources of motivation can come from inside us, such as our emotions, cognitions or bodily drives, or can come from the environment, for example the social situation. We might want to be part of a certain group, we might want to feel warm or

relaxed, or even just happy. We act to gain these results.

There are a number of different theories that might be able to explain my mysterious presence in that lecture.

Expectancy theory suggests there are three main elements that make up our motivation to work: the perceived probability of success, the connection of success and rewards, and the value of obtaining the end goal. To have genuine motivation to revise, we need to believe that it is probable that we will do well in the exams; we need to know that we’ll be rewarded for passing them, and we need to see the value in leaving Bath with a good degree. If one of these factors is low, or missing altogether –if we don’t need a good degree to do the job we want to do, or if we feel we’re probably going to fail anyway - then there will be little motivation to try.

Other areas of psychology provide broader theories. The infamous Freud, for example, saw all human behaviour as resulting from certain drives; the sex drive in particular. Personally I struggle to believe that I went to my painful lecture for sexual gratification, but I’m sure Freud would have some sort of a twisted explanation! Perhaps a more intuitive observation is one made

by Maslow. He created a Hierarchy of Needs, depicted in a pyramid style: from biological and safety needs at

the bottom, to self-actualisation at the top. Maslow argued that we work throughout our lives to meet all these needs. We have to satisfy the bottom ones before we feel motivated to tackle the higher ones. This makes a lot of sense: if I were homeless, cold, tired and hungry, wandering the streets, I doubt that my priority would be finding self-fulfillment, realising my potential, or achieving my self-actualising dreams of being a top psychologist. I’d probably just be focused on the physical level: getting warm, dry, safe and fed.

Luckily, the lovely student loans people have ensured that this is not the case, and we all have a roof over our heads. Yet there are many other reasons why we might not feel motivated to start revising over Christmas. We might feel that the task is totally impossible, and that the rewards of success are too far removed to motivate us. It could be that those long-term goals don’t really fit in with our short-term goal. We might just want to have a nice Christmas holiday, or we might have personal problems which make exams seem less important in the grand scheme of things.

So what do psychologists suggest we do to actually get motivated?

An important thing is to set a clear, realistic goal, one that gets you excited

when you think about reaching it.

Maybe even write it in big letters and stick it on your wall. Rewarding yourself for working is also crucial.

Ultimately human beings are animals, and if behaviour is rewarded, we’re much more likely to repeat it. Small rewards work: chocolate, when you finish revising a section; a few drinks with friends after a hard week’s work; and obviously the incentive of a big reward when the exams are over. It helps to have this stuck on your wall too (I’ve got a gift voucher for the Thermae Bath Spa, and a photo of a

certain Australian who is coming to visit).

Really, it’s all about thinking positive. Try not to focus on how hard revision is going to be. Instead think about what you will get out of it.

Think about those immediate rewards and the long term benefits of success.

Quash your negative self-talk, don’t allow yourself to think ‘Its all too hard’. Yes, it’ll be a tough few weeks, but by the end of January it will all be over, we can party hard, and we’ll be one step closer to achieving those dreams.

Walking with Chinamen

REVISION NOTES: An apt substitute for a Christmas cracker?

[This article is an adaptation from one of my earlier blog posts about my time in China. I’ve now been in China for about two months, and I’m still struggling with the language. It’s March and with the improving weather, everybody takes their business outside, making a little stroll around the block a fascinating experience. Comments to mo220@bath.ac.uk] SINCE MY arrival my Chinese has improved. I still can’t go to the counter and ask for food. I can order a coffee though, and I can also tell a cabbie where to go without getting lost.

Next to our weekly Chinese lessons at the school, some of us do a lot of studying at a little café we found. The people here are very friendly and helpful and are always prepared to help us out with our Chinese.

The weather has been steadily improving over the last few weeks.

One day it’s a comfortable 20 degrees, the next day we wake up to snow. When the weather is nice, the people in Ningbo suddenlytaketheirbusinesstothestreet, making it a very lively place.

One of the most gruesome things I’ve seen out on the street is the beheading of a chicken. I was walking past a grocery store the other day when I noticed that the shopkeeper was holding a live

I’M 20 years old. I rent a house, I have a part time job, I cook for myself and organise all my own finances. I should be mature.

But I’m not. Last night (and I’m embarrassed to admit that this sort of thing happens reasonably often) me and my housemates had a peanut fight.

The rules are pretty simple. Take housemate A’s peanuts and throw them at housemate B. If you hit housemate C, he is invited to throw peanuts back at you. Housemate B is returning fire and housemate A is assailing everyone because you’re throwing his food around.

It gets out of hand pretty quickly.

An umbrella makes a handy shield and someone else’s mattress makes a quick fort. (Not your mattress. You were smart enough to lock your room as soon as peanuts were airborne.)

When we were done our house was covered in debris. Fragments of shell were a crunchy new carpet. (If thrown hard enough, the peanuts will explode satisfyingly against your friend.

Please note that this IS very painful, so make sure you have a camera when you try it.)

It took us a long time to clean up. I just found a peanut in my shoe. But it was very, very worth

Peanuts and the Perils of Pretending to be an Adult

Thinking about a sabbatical after your University years and before moving on to ‘more serious stuff’? Marcel Oomens spent a while in China teaching Chris Bowden asks whether we have matured or English, and recommends a TEFL experience to everybody. whether uni has just made us revert to childhood.

TIBETAN PLATEAU: South China chicken, dangling head first. Next thing I know he takes a pair of scissors and cuts off the poor animal’s head. I never thought one chicken contained so much blood. The shopkeeper and his customer were completely unfazed by what had just happened, but I walked away feeling a little unsure about the chicken burger in my hand.

It’s Good Friday today (what a great day to tell you my chicken story) and a few people have asked me whether Easter is celebrated in China at all. It’s not.InthelargercitiesChristmasisabig event though, and even in March many of the decorations still haven’t been taken down.

The Chinese don’t respect weekends either. Shops are always open, seven days a week and often until late at night.

Just the other day I was told that the

government uses two different sets of “days off”. Half of all civil servants have their days off on Saturday and Sunday, and the other half on Monday and Tuesday. This is to ensure that government offices are open seven days a week. Furthermore it’s a clever trick to reduce unemployment.

A popular past-time for the Chinese on their days off is going to the park. Here thechildrenflykitesandtheelderlyplay Chinese chess. At the café we’re being taught how to play but it’s not easy.

Another favourite past-time for the Chinese is shopping. You can buy everything everywhere and most places allow you to bargain as well. Bargaining isgreatfunbutit’salsoanacquiredskill, one that I’m working on to improve as soon as possible as it will save you lots of money.

On my only days off, Monday and Tuesday (on Saturday and Sunday the kids come to our school for extra English classes) I usually do some shopping too, spend time at the café learning Chinese, see some of Ningbo and go out at night.

I still haven’t been out of town but the clearer and brighter the days get, the more I can see of the mountains from my apartment window. The more I see these mountains, the more I want to go out of town to check out the countryside.

it, because I’m afraid that this is the last opportunity I’ll have to be so unreservedly childish.

After university I’m not sure if I will still be able to live with my housemates. I’ll probably be working a demanding job and all those other joyless adult things. When I finish my degree, will I still have chance to prat around with my friends?

I guess the obvious advice here is to make the most of university life. But that sounds too cliché, so instead I offer this: a towel makes a lousy shield from a well-aimed nut.

Keep that in mind.

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Features

Imagine

... you weren’t holding this paper; you didn’t even have a paper; newspapers were merely remnants of the past... only in the world of Josie Cox. I DON’T know whether I’m the only one who has noticed this, but sometimes the same thing pops up in your life four times in the same week when it hasn’t shown itself in years.

I think there’s a proverb referring to seeing one star and then seeing all of them; I can’t remember the exact wording. If you don’t know what I mean, take Madonna for example: For weeks she seems to have vanished off the face of the universe and then you hear her song four times in the same day; like forgetting all about the delectableness of Maltesers, and then unpredictably being offered three packets in the same week.

This week’s hypothetical situation can be applied to this concept to an extent. You may not see my connection or my logic though (if that’s the case, just ignore my convoluted introduction).

In the last week, I was confronted with the idea of the extinction of the written language time and again. To be honest, it’s not something I have previously spent much time dwelling upon, or would dwell on by choice.

Nevertheless, I have found myself in numerous situations where I have to offer my opinion on how realistic it is. Firstly, my German class threw the idea at me. My task was to write a critical essay on whether books will be replaced by electronics. Funnily enough freetranslations.com was infinitely more appealing than my old school Oxford dictionary.

The following day, the future of the printed language was one of the focal points of the Student Media Conference that I attended in London.

Upon turning on the TV and opening the paper the following morning, I was met again by the threatening query:

are printed words going to exist in the future?

I didn’t read the article in the paper, didn’t watch the report on TV, I didn’t even do my German homework relating to this issue, but subconsciously I carried on gnawing on it. Inevitably and unintentionally I began thinking about the implications of the extinction of printed text. My images of being curled up on a sofa with a novel in my lap quickly puffed up into evaporating smoke: a twinge of disappointment. But then the image of me irritably hunting the vast shelves of the library for a certain book came to mind. A click of the mouse sounds wholeheartedly more relaxing.

And so I went on to mentally weigh out more pros and cons of this hypothetical scenario: No aching shoulders from heavy hardbacks; but no chance of writing little messages in the margins of borrowed books to amuse the next reader. No worrying about how to explain to the library staff how you managed to spill coffee over the complete works of Shakespeare; but nothing to place your cup of tea on when you’re scared it may stain your mahogany bedside table. Nothing to worry about not being able to read without a light, but nothing to clutter your room with and store old love letters in. And so the list goes on…and probably always will.

And in the light of not being able to come up with a decent conclusion regarding what would happen if this situation would become reality, I leave you to make your own mind up. Perhaps you could put yourself to the test: Do you prefer reading me on paper or as a pdf? Don’t get too excited about this experiment though.

No sarcasm intended.

THE LIBRARY: Ideas on how we can use five empty floors?

HOROSCOPE Madame Soufflé

GREETINGS FROM the heavens, my star children. I am Madame Souffle and I will traverse the astral planes and helicopters in order to guide you through the year. My thoughts this week are somewhat clouded by the inescapable frost which has come upon us. Fear not, for I shall thaw your questions and make them into clear flowing water.

CAPRICORN (22 December - 20 January) This fortnight you’re going to discover that a good kick to the head is more painful than you thought.

AQUARIUS (21 January - 19 February) You may get wet.

PISCES (20 February - 20 March) You’re going to return an android to an old hermit and later join the rebellion in their fight against the empire. Beware of kissing any beautiful princesses, as they may turn out to be your sister.

ARIES (21 March- 20 April) If you’re thinking of jumping off a tall building without any safety equipment for fun, think again. You could sustain a serious injury. Just be thankful my fortunetelling is here to warn you.

TAURUS (21 April- 21 May) The star you were born under has collapsed in on itself and been wiped out of existence.

I don’t honestly know what that means but I’m guessing it’s not good.

GEMINI (22 May- 22 June) If you’re confident you can dodge fast-moving traffic you should have no trouble getting through the next two weeks.

CANCER (23 June- 23 July) According to the star charts you are either going to have a long and prolific career as an icecream man or you are the Antichrist.

LEO (24 July- 23 August) You will spill your pint down your favourite shirt this week but that won’t bother you as much as when you find out that your girlfriend is dating your sister.

VIRGO (24 August - 23 September) Now is the perfect time to ask out your brother’s girlfriend.

LIBRA (24 September - 23 October) You will jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. Wear something flame resistant.

SCORPIO (24 October - 22 November) This fortnight you will break up with your boyfriend and give him my number. You don’t deserve him, you b*tch.

SAGITTARIUS (23 November - 21 December) Your going to lose your watch and after a long search and getting all your friends to help, you’ll realise you were wearing it the whole time.

Fairtrade: Really Fair or is it Just Fiction?

Joe Brady tells us why Fairtrade is more than just a fair-y tale.

FAIRTRADE IS an alternative to the way conventional international trade works, and it ensures that producers receive a fair price for their goods, the security of long-term contracts, as well as guaranteed minimum health and working conditions.

In 2003 Oxford Brookes became the world’s first Fairtrade University.

Two years later there were 22 Fairtrade Universities and now in 2007 a total of 55 universities have been awarded Fairtrade status. Now, towards the end of the year the University of Bath is on thevergeofsocialrevolutionitself,with Fairtrade status and all the benefits it brings in reach. To become a Fairtrade University five goals must be met: 1.

The Students’ Union and the university authorities must create a Fairtrade policy.

2.

Fairtrade foods must be available in all campus shops, and Fairtrade foods must be used in all cafes/restaurants/bars on campus.

3.

Fairtrade foods must be served at all meetings hosted by the university and the SU, and in all university and SU management offices.

4.

There must be a commitment to campaign for increased Fairtrade consumption on campus.

5.

A Fairtrade Steering Group must be set up.

At the moment Bath has been successful in implementing four of these goals. For example, you can choose to buy Fairtrade products in Fresh and the Union shop. However, the one goal which has not yet been met is the creation of a Steering Group.

One World, the People & Planet group wants to change that once and for all.

In the week beginning Monday 3rd December, One World will launch the final, big push with a series of events and giveaways on Parade. Every day

outside the library there will be a stall giving out Fairtrade tea and coffee, various other Fairtrade delicacies (chocolate!), a price-comparison myth buster and leaflets, among other things.

One World hopes to raise awareness of Fairtrade, what it means and how close Bath is to becoming a Fairtrade University.

Fairtrade facts and figures: o 55 universities have Fairtrade status – will Bath be next? o A University can be awarded Fairtrade status if Fairtrade goals. o Sales of Fairtrade products have risen by 1,167% they must taste good! o Fairtrade really does make a difference. More th farmers, workers and their families – in 58 countries benefit.

Make your own:

Fairtrade Banana Bread (Makes one loaf.)

You will need: 225 g (8 oz) self-raising flour 100 g (4 oz) butter 150 g (5 oz) caster sugar 450 g (1 lb) Fairtrade bananas (the gooier the better) ½ teaspoon salt 2 eggs 175 g (6 oz) mixed dried fruit Pre-heat the oven to 180°C/350°F/ Gas Mark 4. Peel and mash the bananas, and mix all the ingredients, except the driedfruit,together. Youcandothisin afoodprocessor,orbyhand,inabasin.

When they’re all thoroughly mixed, add the dried fruit. Spoon the mixture into a1kg(2lb)non-stickloaftin,spreadit out evenly and bake it for 1½ hours. The loaf is done when a skewer pushed into its middle comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack before slicing.

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

She’s so… Daaarling!

Siân Lewis explores the life of a woman whose second home is Fifth Avenue... ooh la la!

AUDREY HEPBURN is known the world over as an icon – as a model, actress, mother, humanitarian, and of course, a fashion icon – her face appears on bags, t-shirts, wallpaper, and in countless newspapers and magazines, described by all as classy, gracious and beautiful.

Hepburn was one of the few iconic women of her day who seems to really live up to this image. Arriving in a Hollywood, populated by big-busted blonde American stars, she stole the

“Audrey fits none of the clichés and none of the clichés fit her” - Time Magazine limelight with her gamine, elfin looks, poise and charming Anglo-european accent (she was born Belgium and grew up in the Netherlands).

Winning an Oscar for her performance in Roman Holiday (1953), she took the film world by storm, and went on to star in Sabrina, Funny Face, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and My Fair Lady. She was idolised in her own lifetime, as the muse of Givenchy, and with many young girls wearing sleeveless black dresses, gloves and big sunglasses in the attempt to capture the charm of Holly Golightly.

Audiences were enchanted by her

combination of beauty, elegance and highspirits. Withherslenderfigureand unconventional beauty, perfect manners and great intelligence, she was unique.

She was always modest, saying that she had no technique and had never learned toact. DirectorBillyWilderoncesaidof her: “She just was born with this kind of quality and she made it look so unforced, sosimple,soeasy”. It’sdifficulttofind anything negative ever said about her.

In later years she became a special ambassador for UNICEF. Travelling to areas devastated by famine and war, Hepburn worked with children and attempted to educate the public. Her final role was as an angel in Steven Spielberg’s fantasy “Always”, which portrayed her perfectly. She died of cancer at the age of 63, but her image remains an immortal ideal of class and style.

IMPACT

Features

Give me a d-d-donation!

Sophie McGlen explains how some posing cheerleaders are cheering on the charity of a really worthy cause!

IT’S A cold Wednesday afternoon in September and we’re standing around in our underwear at the castle on campus, wondering why we are doing this! In between the shouts of ‘try not to look so cold’ and ‘smile’ we remember, it’s for the sixth annual cheerleading calendar.

This year’s calendar has a greater focus on Bath and the University, includingshotsinthelibrary,onaBright Orange Bus and on the pool tables in th Plug Bar! But most importantly it raises money for Breast Cancer Campaign, a charity whose mission is to beat breast cancer by funding research to understand how breast cancer develops,

FASHION AT BATH Josie Cox and Siân Lewis want you!

THE ARTICLE a few weeks ago, about the Parade being a Catwalk, may have had slight sarcastic intonations, but the fashion show that’s taking place on the 5th of March 2008 in the ballroom of the Assembly Rooms, is distinctively more than just a wannabe display of what’s en vogue. It’s a high-class event featuring beautiful clothes from Bath’s boutiques and more.

Before the strutting starts, much organisation lies ahead of the team led

by Siân Lewis. The show, all proceeds of which go towards the Breast Cancer Campaign, needs models! Perhaps to the disappointment of the male population of Bath, Claudia, Naomi and Kate will not be blessing us with their company.

Instead of being flaunted by emaciated models,theclotheswillbeparadedbyreal, healthy, happy students. And yes, I am referring to you! So even if metropolitan fashion weeks don’t float your boat; even if your slim student budget hinders you from thinking about next season’s haute couture, dare to do something different.

The castings will be held on the 11th December from 9-11 am and (the big session) on 12th December from 2-6pm in Elements Bar, featuring Gingersnaps Model Agency.

There are no restrictions of any kind: whether you are male or female, tall or short, skinny or curvy, come along… even if your ego is not as big as your student debt.

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leadingtoimproveddiagnosis,treatment, prevention and cure.

Breast cancer accounts for one in three of all cancers in women, which is why we chose to raise money for this charity.

“There’s something ver y team-building about using duct tape to give each other better cleavage!”

We’ve all had amazing fun doing it and there’s something very team-building about using duct tape to give each other better cleavage!

The Calendar Launch Party at Funky Guppy on 23rd November was a huge success raising nearly £600 which went

directly to Breast Cancer Campaign.

From the Cheerleader Auction, which made nearly £200 on its own, to the buying of glowsticks and lollies, all the girls would like to thank everyone for theirgenerositythatnight. Butthisisonly a start on how much money we would like to raise.

The calendars will be on sale very soon. They can be bought online through the bathstudent.com e-shop, in the SU shop, or by finding a cheerleader on parade during the day. So even if you onlybuyourcalendartothrowdartsatit, please help us to raise money for a really worthy cause.

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

15

Christmas Special The Department of Architectural and Civil Engineering get in the festive spirit with a design-a-bauble competition to decorate the department tree.

Warming photos of the festive-feeling Bath Christmas market surrounding the Abbey, taken by Lynette Lam.

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IMPACT

Science and Technology

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Science & Technology News In Brief Gove, shadow schools secretary, has criticised the government for not being rigorous enough with exams: “We’ve had GCSE science questions in which students are asked if they should use a microscope to look at the moon”, Mr Gove commented. Other peers commented that the UK is still above average for Science education, but needs further improvement to be truly world class.

Liam Mason Co-Deputy Science Editor Chimps Triumph Over Humans in Memory Tests EVEN THE seemingly smartest university students couldn’t outperform chimps in memory tests, reports a groundbreaking Japanese study. Dr Matsuzawa and his team tested human and chimp photographic memory by quickly displaying sets of numbers on a screen which the test subjects were expected to locate in the correct order.

In all experiments involving very short display times of numbers, the chimps greatly excelled over the humans.

In all experiments involving very short display times of numbers, the chimps greatly excelled over the humans.

Scientists comment that the importance of this experiment cannot be overstated; humans have always been thought of as hugely cognitively superior to chimpanzees, but this attitude is now changing. “No one can imagine that chimpanzees... have a better performance in a memory task than humans”, Dr Matsuzawa reported. In the study, published in Current Biology, the research team noted that quick wits and a good short term memory might have

Christmas Words from the Sci-Ed Matt Ash Science Editor impact-science@bath.ac.uk THIS, THE final issue of impact before the New Year, is a good time to reflect upon’t Science sections of the year. We’ve discovered what would happen to you if you found yourself trapped in a vacuum, we’ve seen pictures of spiders on drugs, and we’ve exposed the problems involved with lethal injection. Sothankyoutoallthescience contributors and of course the readers.

I’m sure next year can be even better.

So this is Christmas. Whilst reading around for Christmassy articles, I happily stumbled upon an excellent example of anti-corporate Christmas anarchy. On the 21st November 2000, ‘Montreal experienced a series of egg and paint attacks against stores displaying Christmas decorations; responsibility was claimed by a group called No Christmas Before Its Time.’

Whilst this has nothing to do with science, it warms my heart.

The truth is, science fact and Christmas don’t exactly go hand in hand, and without delving into the depths of Christmas science busting, this issue is pretty much Science As Usual.

Read on to learn all about phrenology, cold sores and important Bath University Research in association with Cancer Research UK.

WOO: Chimps everywhere are celebrating their victory.

evolutionarily prevailed in chimps because it helped them survive in the harsh, often very dangerous jungles teeming with all sorts of predators.

Humans, on the other hand, have become more and more reliant on memory by language.

UK Falters in Science Education THE UK has slipped from the 4th best Science education in the world to the 8th to 12th, says a Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) study. According to the

assessment, which studied 15-year olds in countries accounting for 90% of the world’s economy, students show good confidence in their scientific knowledge and recognise its ability to help in everyday life, but generally do not consider it as a career path with a mere 34% saying that they would like to work in Science.

Interestingly, boys outperformed girls at applying scientific knowledge in everyday life, and 79% of students said that Science helped them understand the world around them. Michael

Stereotypes Harm Females’ Ability to do Maths A RECENTLY published study by the University of Chicago has shown that the stereotype that men are better than women at maths contributes underlying anxiety which makes it more difficult for women to succeed in such academic areas. Working memory, the brains system of problem solving based on dealing with limited information, is disrupted when the brain shows symptoms of stress.

The study was carried out by splitting women talented in maths into two groups – one group was told that the purpose of the test was to determine why men generally do better at maths than women while the other group wasn’t exposed to any such stereotype. The findings were drastic; on average, one of the groups did 10% better than the other consistently.

The research team responsible commented that the group of women exposed to the stereotype were more distracted by a desire to avoid

making mistakes and hence were more stressed. “We demonstrated that worries about confirming a negative group stereotype may not only impact performance in the stereotyped domain, but that this impact can spill over onto subsequent, unrelated tasks that depend on the same processing resource the stereotype-related worries consume,” the researchers said.

Students Who ‘Cram’ Get Lower Grades STUDENTS EVERYWHERE can be heard roaring in horror at a new study which reports that pulling an all-nighter the day before the exam is ineffective. The research, carried out

by St. Lawrence University in N.Y, studied 111 students and concluded that staying up studying doesn’t increase exam grades. While a small group of high achieving students reported that cramming before the exam helps them maintain their high grades, the majority of students who reported pulling all-nighters showed a general decline in exam scores.

Pamela Thacher, the lead researcher, commented that university students’ sleep patterns make it difficult for them to reach their full academic capacity. Furthermore, she listed late night study areas, caffeinated beverages and poor time management as possible reasons for the poor quality sleep of students. “Pulling all-nighters compromises your sleep overall”, Thatcher said.

Get Into Bath Research

Bath University Research to Stop Cancer Cells in Their Tracks Karly Wai Cancer Research UK Volunteer LAST WEEK, the government unveiled a new series of plans to reform cancer patient care in the UK. The plan includes investmentintoradiotherapycapabilities, improvement relating to cancer detection and, where possible, speeds up the drug assessment process currently led by the NationalInstituteforHealthandClinical Excellence (NICE). The last measure specificallyismostlikelytobenefitcancer patientsbybringingmuch-neededtreatment from the clinical stage to the patient’s bedside.

However, cancer treatment design is a complicated process and requires lots of basic research and improvement before it even reaches the clinical stage. Dr Mike Threadgill at the Department of Pharmacy & Pharmacology, University of Bath, is involvedwiththesestagesofdrugresearch.

More specifically, Dr Threadgill has been looking at an enzyme called PARP – Poly (ADP-ribose) polymerase - which isresponsibleforcontrollingDNArepair.

This research is essential for supporting current cancer drug treatment.

Better known also as chemotherapy, drug treatment works by using chemicals to inhibit the growth cycles of the cancer cells, either by damaging the cells’ DNA orinhibitingcriticalenzymes. Theproblem with this type of treatment is that cancer

cells can often develop resistance to the drugs. For example, if the cancer cells are able to repair their DNA themselves, they are able to multiply again rapidly and spread to other parts of the body and cause further damage. For chemotherapy to work effectively, we must be able to inhibittheDNArepairmechanismsofthese cells. DrThreadgillthereforelooksforthe variouschemicalsthatareabletoinhibit PARP effectively and make current cancer treatment more effective.

PARP also plays a significant role in stroke, heart attack and diabetes. Any development in PARP inhibitors is also

likelytobenefittheresearchandtreatment of these diseases.

The PARP project is funded by the Association for International Cancer Research (AICR) and by KuDOS Ltd. WhileDrThreadgillspecialisesinthedrug design and chemical side of the research, he works closely with collaborators in China, Argentina, Italy, UK, Germany and Polandwhospecialiseinthebiologicaland pharmacological side of the research.

The University’s connection with PARP isnotlimitedtothisproject. DrBillWhish, a close friend of Dr Threadgill and former member of the Department of Biology

& Biochemistry, was, in fact, one of the founding fathers of PARP research in the 1970sand1980s. DrWhishdiedofprostate cancer around 6 years ago. Inspired by his friend’s experience, Dr Threadgill is currentlyalsodoingaresearchprojecton a prodrug which deals specifically with prostate cancer. A prodrug is a chemical thatoperatesasatransporterforanti-cancer drugs. Oneimportantpurposeforaprodrug isthatitimprovestheselectivityoftheanticancerdrugs. This,inturn,helpstoreduce theadverseside-effectsofanytreatment.

AICR have recently awarded him a grant to support this research.

Lastly,DrThreadgillisalsoworkingona project sponsored by Cancer Research UK. Inthisprojecthelooksatanenzymecalled Pin-1,whichisresponsibleforcontrolof cell replication and growth cycle. A drug thatisabletoinhibitthisenzymecouldlead tofurtherdevelopmentincancertreatment.

Inadditiontothisproject,CancerResearch UK also sponsors many similar projects in otherUniversitiesandscientificinstitutes across the UK. None of this research would be possible without donations from the public.

One way you can support Cancer Research this Christmas is by buying an alternative gift such as ‘support a PhD studentforaday’. Forfurtherdetailsplease see the cancer research website at: http://www.sendandgive.org/virtualgifts/

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

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Science and Technology

Phrenology: What’s A-head of You? Sara Coelho goes back in time to the world of phrenology.

POPULAR WISDOM says “know thy neighbour”. In order to do this, you can invite him or her to a cup of tea or chat about the weather over the garden’s fence. But the best way, according to phrenology, is actually to inspect your neighbour’s head.

Phrenology is nowadays discredited and viewed as pseudoscience.

However, between 1820 and 1850, it was seen as a novel and promising theory about the nature of the mind and personality traits.

It all began in the early 19th century with Franz Gall, an Austrian physician with the revolutionary idea that the organ of the mind was the brain.

Moreover, he suggested that the brain was divided into “organs”, each controlling a different personality trait, kindness and perseverance

for example, or social functions such as the sense of religion and tendency to murder. The shape and relative size of these “organs”, according to Gall’s phrenology, could be estimated with measurements of skull “bumps and fissures”, revealing the true nature of the patient. Gall’s ideas got him into trouble with the Catholic Austrian emperor, for its theological implications, and with Napoleon’s France, for its lack of scientific evidence. Later, his assistant Johann Spurzheim took the ideas to Britain where phrenology was better received. By the middle 1830s, there were several branches of the British Phrenological Association, a number of specialised publications and Spurzheim himself was on his way to a tour of lectures in the United States.

Although in constant criticism from several scholars, including the Fellows of the Royal Society, phrenology became widely popular as a way to predict personality traits.

It became costume to examine the skulls of hanged criminals to look for post-mortem proof of their evil nature. In 1834, in the USA, there was an attempt to use phrenology to acquit Major Mitchell, a boy of 9, of the brutal attack on a schoolmate.

Phrenologists examined the boy’s head and highlighted the prominence of the region just above his ears,

supposedly the seat of the “Organ of Destructiveness”, which explained why Major was not responsible for his aggressive behaviour. The phrenological evidence did not convince the jury and the boy was convicted, but still it was the first time psychiatric expert testimony was used in an American court case.

Phrenology also became one of the foundations of scientific racism, together with craniometry, a method extensively used to separate different human races. The personality interpretations of phrenology allowed proponents of racial inequality to assign “lesser” mental faculties to the races deemed inferior and, therefore, to justify the pretence of superiority.

By the late 1850s, phrenology was in decay in Britain. Its first and more enthusiastic proponents were either dead or elderly, while no new recruits were keen to follow.

Criticism was mounting and the occasional revival initiatives were never very successful. The failure to be accepted by mainstream academic institutions, such as the British Association for the Advancement of Science, also contributed for the demise of phrenology.

Although later advances in neuroscience and physiology proved phrenology wrong, Gall’s ideas were not totally incorrect.

PHRENOLOGY CHART: Mapping your mind.

Modern computerised scanned tomography shows that, indeed, different areas of the brain are active for different functions.

The issue with the phrenological approach, however, is that there is no anatomical connection between brain

Professor Science FAQ Special Q. Can I get a suntan through glass?

A. Window glass acts very much like sunscreen in that it blocks some, but not all harmful ultraviolet rays. Prolonged exposure to sunlight through glass such as on a long car journey could result in tanning and the associated risks. For thick skinned sauropods like me this isn’t really an issue, which is fortunate because I can never get anybody to do my back.

Dear Adoring Public, I, your faithful scientific servant, have become a victim of my own success. My mailbag is bulging and my Mulberry creaking under the sheer weight of your cherished correspondence. As such, I have had to change tack slightly for this, the first, inaugural, Professor Science FAQ! Q. What would people taste like?

A. Chicken, no, maybe pork. I dunno. I would say ask a cannibal, but thankfully the wonderful folks over at NEC have designed a robot who has authoritatively decreed that humans taste like either bacon or prosciutto, depending on the person in question. Incidentally the robot was designed to distinguish wines, but I think we can all agree that in tasting humans the little fella has found its true vocation.

Q. Why do mints make my mouth supe r se nsitive to cold?

A. It is actually the menthol in the mint, rather than the minty flavour itself, which sensitises your mouth to cold. Put simply, the menthol is thought to cause the nerves to be overly stimulated, meaning that your brain is ‘fooled’ into thinking it’s detecting a lower temperature than is actually the case.

Q. How far away would a sandwich have to be placed on a hypothetical seesaw to counterbalance the earth a metre away from the pivot?

A. Assuming a source of constant gravity, a 200g sandwich would have to be approximately 30000000000000000000000000 metres away. That’s a pretty big number, so big in fact that if you stick another nought on the end, you’re not far short of the diameter of the observable universe.

To even the odds slightly I’d use something weighty like a cheese ploughman’s on granary.

Q. Why is a diplodocus in a mortar-board hat answering science queries?

A. Because all the Tyrannosaurs were Christmas shopping.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

PROFESSOR SCIENCE

activity and external characteristics of the skull.

But just like astrologists and fortune tellers, there are still phrenologists out there, ready to massage the bumps in your head and reveal your true nature.

Science Shorts: Cold Sores Sally Nall Co-Deputy Science Editor A COLD sore is a pain. It is guaranteed stress for roughly a five-day stint, but ironicallyitisoftenstressitselfthat causes them. A cold sore is caused by a virus - Herpes Simplex Type One - and is a genetic disorder that lurks within the body from the day it arrives until the death of its host.

The virus is generally spread by skin-to-skin contact, and from the first infection the virus remains dormant within the victim’s DNA until environmental factors, usually stress or a cold (it’s not just a clever name) allows the virus to flourish in the form of a red bumpy blob next to the patient’s lip.

The blister itself can be avoided or at least restrained if the patient notices the characteristic tingling sensation of the oncoming cold sore and applies the topical antiviral drug Acyclovir as soon as the tingling occurs.

Some people, such as babies or those with a compromised immune system, may be more at risk from cold sores, but most people will experience the pain-in-the-face that is a cold sore at some point. As we edge further into the cold sore-season, my advice would be to steer clear of immediate contact with anyone sporting the telltale cold sore blister.

IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Entertainments

Tales of the Music Junkie THERE’S AN old saying that this writer holdsinhighesteem:“ifitain’tbroke,don’t fixit”.Thisextendstohisloveofscuzzy angryguitarmusicthatsoundslikeitjust crawledspittingandcussingrightoutofthe 70sand80s,butmorerelevantly,itextends totheeverlastingloveheholdsforQueens of the Stone Age. And his financially damagingneedtoseethemliveforthefifth time last weekend.

I’llgiveyouaninsightintothemindofa desperateaddict,atragicallyhookedmusic junkieasweendureatorturedjourneyinto the very soul of the obsessed fan. From a first-hand perspective.

You always want to be at that gig when something ‘happens’: when the crowd goes ape and invades the stage, when the frontmanletsspewatorridstreamofracial abuse/politicaldiatribe/psychologically damaged ramblings, when they play that one song that no-one is ever going to ever hearliveagain,whentheyupsticksendthe whole band live on stage, when they start beatingonthesecurityforpickingonthe

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kids, when the performance is on a level beyond godlike, etc. And all so you can go home safe in the knowledge that you were ‘there’andregaleyourfriendswithhowyou sawtheuniversebrieflyreverseonitselfand letlooseallthechaosoftheliveshowinone massive belch.

But that’s not the whole story, really.

YoualsosufferfromPTSDforthesonically obsessed: The band play over and over in your head until you can’t take it anymore and go and see them again. Headaches, tears, unnecessary rage, vomiting are all symptomsofthis.Thatguitarsolo,youwant tohearitpushairnearyourearsoncemore.

You want your body to break from the bass vibrationsofthatbreakdownadinfinitum, your eyes to marvel forever at the chaos unfolding on stage. You need your fix, and you’ll do anything to get it.

Butcaniteverbeworthit?Asthatother sayingstates:“Thefirstcutisthedeepest” (I’m quoting Cat Power, not Sheryl Crow or Rod Sodding Stewart). That first hit is always the best, but in trying to recreate

ityou’llfindmoretoengagein.Untillast weekend, I’d never see Josh Homme and co. recreate the haunting ‘In The Fade’ live,norgrooved(yes,grooved)tothebassy rumble of ‘You Can’t Quit Me Baby’. So what if they didn’t play ‘No-One Knows’ or ‘RegularJohn’,Ifeltlikethelasttimewas a setlist made specially for me.

So next time QOTSA hit our rain-sodden shores, buy yourself a ticket. Get down to thefront.Lookforthethin,emaciatedand spaced out figure, staring with bloodshot

pupils at the stage. Watch his face twist into somewhere between agony and ecstacy as the band kick into ‘Avon’. Then take a picture of him, and tag me in it on Facebook.

“Look for me ma, I’ll be there” Philip Bloomfield Co-Entertainments Editor impact-ents@bath.ac.uk

QOTSA: Frontman Josh Homme shows off his new Christmas present.

Live Preview Portishead Carling Academy, Bristol 15/12/07

THIS SPECIAL show by one of the pioneers of trip-hop from the nineties looks sure to be a winner as local outfit Portishead descend on Bristol. It is sure to be one hell of a homecoming, so if you are even remotely interested I’d advise you to book now. Now, I say.

Film Preview Balls Of Fury Out 26/12/07 FROM THIS writer’s point of view, Robert Ben Garant’s new comedy looks like a collision of ‘Dogdeball’ and table tennis. Formulaic yes, yet with Christopher Walken gracing the screen as arch-criminal Feng, this film is begging to be watched. With a plot consisting of an ex-pro being dragged into an FBI mission, it is probably best to leave your brain at the door and laugh mindlessly for an hour or so.

IT’S CHRRRIIISSSTTMMAAASS!

Well, nearly - but as this is the yuletide issue of impact, we felt the title was apt. Anywho, we asked people about their favourite Christmas songs, and here’s what we got. Enjoy!

Wizzard I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday

ROY WOOD, his massive beard glittering with countless snowflakes, ceases singing for a second, turns to “Class 3C” and growls, “Alright you lot,takeit!”Thisisbyfarthecatchiest and most joyful Christmas pop song to have ever graced the airwaves.

Unlike the Slade festive songs (whose yuletide release in the same year pipped Wizzard to the number one spot), this fantastic song is well recorded and displays some real musical accomplishment, especially in the form of the prominent saxophonist and Wood’s strong vocals. This hardiest of perennials was released in 1973 and shockingly it only reached #4 in the UK, despite acquiring legendary status.

This is a song you can put on, jive to with relatives and sing along shamelessly to your heart’s content, because it simply wouldn’t be Christmas without it.

Max Watson Deputy Entertainments Editor

WOOD: Or ZZ Topp’s lost Xmas song?

Super Furry Animals Gift That Keeps Giving

WHEN I was asked to discuss my favourite christmas songs, I decided that there’s no way I could write this column without a reference to my alltime favourite band, the Super Furry Animals; of whom I praised highly a few issues ago. Their recent album “Hey Venus!” gave us The Gift That Keeps Giving, which is billed as their secular Christmas single; originally there’s not a single direct reference to christmas in it. As you expect from such an original group, it exudes the warmth of the festive season, and mercifully keeps it free of the trite cheese which permeate your usual Christmas song.

Matthew Hartfield Deputy News Editor

Band Aid 20 Do They Know It’s Christmas?

THIS HAS to be the best Christmas song of all time. Just because of the variety of different singers and styles of music included in it. Who would have thought we’d ever hear Dizzee Rascal, Busted and Justin Hawkins singing in the same verse! Not only does this rendition of the classic sound fantastic, it was made for a good cause and certainly raised the profile of the ‘Make Poverty History’ campaign founded by Bob Geldof in 2004. Some callitdated,Icallitamodernclassic.

And even though Busted have split up, I still look forward to their line every time I hear it!

Gina Reay Contributor

Mariah Carey All I Want for Christmas is You

The Dan Band Ho Ho Ho

GENERALLY CHRISTMAS songs are so far from my cup of tea that they may as well be coffee, but this little treasure of a song may as well be a cup of limited edition Dilmah. Riddled with atrociously lame puns, this lovely song follows the trials and tribulations of a “ho” (as in prostitute, in case the puninthetitlehasn’tyetclicked)asshe looks for a “date” on Christmas Eve. Luckily for her though, Santa comes to the rescue! And after much lyrical toing and fro-ing (including Santa getting a compliment for his fresh breath, and then told to wait his turn), he slips her ahundreddollarbilltolureherintohis sleigh and rather ambiguously save her from what she happened to be doing with her mouth and the certain nether regions of a lonely chap with some spare cash.

Withaqualityplotlikethat,doesit get any better than that for Christmas songs…? Quite possibly; but if you’re feeling that the holiday season is all a bit too much, then it’s at least worth looking up on YouTube for its intriguing take on a nativity play.

Ben Cohen Contributor

URE, GELDOF: 3rd time lucky.

MCGOWAN: Can’t wait for Xmas.

The Pogues Failrytale of New York IF CHRISTMAS is good at nothing else it’s selling itself ever more cheaply year on year. Don’t feel that holiday cheer until the CocaCola advert tells you you can? Like many, probably not. Everyone needs the turkey, needs the stuffing, and needs the cranberry sauce, the roast potatoes, parsnips and countless peripherals. But that’s what Christmas is; excess and waste.

But who doesn’t love every minute?

The Pogues wrote Fairytale in New York in 1987, a time when nearly a fifth of the population of Ireland was unemployed. Excess and waste were dirty words. This is where Fairytale rings deeper than other, admittedly sterling, works by Leona Lewis, et al. Fairytale is a song about those absent from postholiday sales reports, within which most are lucky enough to be proudly counted. And no song has ever done it better. To all, I wish you a very happy Christmas.

Jimi Travers Contributor

ONE OF my biggest nightmares is having toselectandjustifymychoiceofthebest Christmassongever. Obviously,thishad nothing to do with my active avoidance ofEntseditorsPhilandSean,throughout theleadupthisissue. Thenthedesperate phonecall from Phil came.

The faithful friend that I am, I grudgingly put my thinking cap on and began brainstorming. Thanks, to my insistenthousemateCharlie,theonlysong whichwasacceptableasanoption,without facingtheriskofbeingslaughteredbyher, was “All I want for Christmas is you”.

And trust me, it’s not.

So why exactly do I hate this song enough to crown it my best Christmas songever? Firstly,thelyricsareblatantly onehugelie. CorrectmeifIamwrong,we allcareabout“thepresentsunderneaththe Christmastree”unlesswearecertainthat they contain napalm. Secondly, the song advocateshumantraffickingandslavery.

“I just want you for my own” (…so that I can tie you up and make you the object of my desires?). Regarding style, the song lackscreativediversity,displayedthrough the ingenious repetition of key phrases; most notably, “All I want for Christmas is you”. Furthermore, using the rhyming couplets“singing”and“ringing”,“true” and “you”, and “everywhere” and “air” mostdefinitelyqualifiesasthecremede la creme of cheese. So why am I writing about it? Quite frankly because I’m sick and tired of Bob Geldof asking the same question year after year, of George Michael perpetually talking about Last Christmas and John Lennon telling me that the war is over.

Josie Cox Features Editor

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IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Entertainments

the Hitman Unlimited Fun Call Hadleigh Roberts considers We s A n d e r s o n ’s n e w fi l m T h e Darjeeling Limited is presicely Ben whether this gory adaptation of the infamous game is a hit...

Cohen’s cup of tea...

WES ANDERSON’S films garner reactions normally reserved for oysters; either you don’t understand what people see in them, or you are madly in love with them. With his trademark wide-screen shots,fastidiousattentiontodetail,and subtly eccentric dialogue; Wes Anderson isatruefilmauteur. Hiscriticsandfans alikeagreethatheisoneofthefewliving directors,who,likeScorsese,possessthe talent for showing the audience how every littledetail -fromthefilteronthecamerato themusicalchoiceforthescene-isofutter importance to the meaning of a film.

The Darjeeling Limited is Anderson’s fifth feature, and follows his previous offering, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. The film follows the story of the three Whitman brothers, Francis (Owen Wilson), Peter (Adrian Brody) and Jack (script co-writer Jason Schwartzman) as they hop aboard the Darjeeling Limited; a train that crawls it’s way across India.

Like many before him, Anderson is preoccupied with the rich colours present in India,andheisinfluencedbyfilm-makers like Jean Renoir and Satyajit Ray (whose music takes up most of the score). India works both as a fertile visual backdrop for Anderson’s quirky sight gags as well as being representative of the spiritual journey that the semi-estranged brothers are attempting to undertake.

Francis, Peter and Jack haven’t seen eachothersincetheirfather’sfuneralayear ago. Whiletheyhaveseverelydriftedapart inthistime,theyareinstantlyconnected by the hordes of matching baggage that they comically drag around (designed by Louis Vuitton, claim the credits) as well as their jealous attachment to things; Francis to his 3000-dollar belt; Peter to their dad’s sunglasses; and Jack to the women in his life, ranging from his ex to

the Indian hostess who brings fresh lime, and who inadvertently gets nicknamed this thereafter.

Francis,whosportsaheavilybandaged face after he may or may not have purposefully smashed it into the side of a mountain (reminding the audience of Wilson’srecentsuicideattempt)istheoldest ofthethree,andisanextremeversionofa controlfreak(aself-satireonthedirector?).

It is this which brings about many of the funnier moments in the film, as the other brothers aren’t so willing to go along with Francis’ absurdly laminated daily schedules,andclashesemanatingfromthis -nottomentionanescapedrattlesnake,the brothers’over-useofprescriptiondrugs, andacanofpepperspray-eventuallylead toallthreebeingkickedoffthetrain. Itis not all light-hearted though, as Anderson tackles the inner complexities of his ultimately flawed characters; and this is broughttoaheadasthebrothersplayapart inatragicaccidentleadingtoaboysdeath from a local village. It would be a shame to give away any more of the plot than thisthough,asoneofthefilm’sstrongest featuresisitsunpredictabilityinseemingly cliched moments.

If you’re already a Wes Anderson fan, then this is a must see. On the other hand, if you have never been graced with a Wes Anderson film before, then this is the perfectopportunitytohopaboardthetrain andvisittheeclecticworldthathecreates, asTheDarjeelingLimited-ifnothingelse -istrulyspecial. Butthenagain,Ialsolike oysters.

HHHHH Ben Cohen Contributor

BRODY,WILSON,SCHWARTZMAN: Wilson’s alive, although not too well...

HITMAN: Bites the bullet... Hadleigh certainly doesn’t think it is high-calibre.

THERE HAVE been few examples of a successful video game to film adaptation, and Hitman is generally no exception to this rule. Through masquerading as an intricatetaleofpoliticalespionage,the filmisactuallyaseriesofridiculousand pointless fights punctuated by awkward dialogue.

HITMAN IS essentially the story of Timothy Olyphant (last seen in Die hard 4.0) as Agent 47, going about his daily business as a silent assassin while Dougray Scott (of Desperate Housewives) as Interpol agent Mike Whittier, a detective who knows everything about “our boy” with the exception of how to catch him. The action of the film takes place when Agent 47s anonymous employer sends him to assassinate the Russian President.

The whole idea behind the character of Agent 47 is that he is a ghost, and is nothing more than a cold-hearted killer. However, instead of this cruel menacing figure we are presented with less of a killing machine than a curt C3PO, made all so much worse when Olga Kurylenko is thrown into the script in order to act as “generic love interest” in the role of stereotypical Russian whore Nika Boronina. Some lines are soincrediblytrite,itislikelythatJames Bond himself would have rolled his eyes; whileattemptingtobegrittierthanDaniel

Craig, Olyphant comes across as cheesier than Pierce Brosnan.

The main problem with Hitman is that it seems to have an identity crisis.

While players of the game will be mildly amused at the various self-conscious references to the game, the film is not content, and is determined to steal from every other action film in existence. In some cases, Agent 47 adopts the guise of Rambo, and can somehow magically dispatch twenty enemies in a number of seconds, while using camera techniques lifted from The Matrix.

However, despite the mindless violence, there is some trace of a good story. Robert Knepper gives an excellent performance as “typical dodgy Russian police chief” and so does Michael Offei as Whittier’spolicepartner. Actionscenes, of which there are many, are well shot and awe-inspiring, but drag the pace down rather than keep the viewer interested.

For all its flaws, Hitman does pull itself together enough to make a passable movie, but despite the intended plot complications, the real question is how a film with this level of violence can get a certificate of 15.

HHPPP Hadleigh Roberts Deputy Comment Editor

Gina Reay expresses remi-niscent praise for this yuletide offering.

This is definitely not an unwanted present...

WOW. ALL I can say having listened to this album is wow! It has taken me out of my bad mood and brightened up my day. If you like mood lightening, smile triggering music, then buy this immediately. Or if you know someone who is down in the dumps, buy them if for Christmas, cos this is bound to cheer anyone up. Remi’s soothing voice and incredible lyrics make this album what it is. Think

Lilly Allen, but not as annoying and chavesque, or Kate Nash but much funkier and less boyfriend-orientated, or Corinne Bailey-Rae but not… okay you get the picture. I could go on comparing, but the truth is this singer/songwriter is in a class of her own, completely unique and is singlehandedly raising the profile of a new genre of ‘indie-pop’.

Highlights from ‘My Consience and I’ include the ode to summer - ‘Go Mr Sunshine’ which I recommend to put on repeat when it’s raining outside. And my personal favourite

OK, I must admit the only reason I chose to review this single was because of the unbelievably unique transparent CD featuringartworkofKylie’slips. Thought it would make a good coaster at least.

Kylie has come over all ‘Madonna’ with newtrack‘2Hearts’,butIthinksomeone needstoletthissongstressknow,it’s2007 not1980. Kyliesoundslikeanout-of-tune drag queen trying to seduce the listener (unsuccessfully)withridiculouscliches.

Nothing’schangedthere,then! Ifyou’re aKyliefanatic,thenthisis‘especiallyfor you’. If,likeme,you’renot,you’llwantto throw the stereo out of the window every time Miss Minogue begins the infuriating chorus ‘Two Hearts are beating together… isthisforeverandever?’ Icertainlyhad nodifficultyingettingthissong‘outof my head’.

HPPPP

St. Nicole Delivers a Real Treat for Christmas, Boys and Girls My Conscience & I Remi Nicole Out Now Island Records

Single: Kylie Minogue 2 Hearts Out Now EMI Music

‘Rock N’ Roll’ which is groovier than my Dad’s dancing after a few bevvies.

‘Go with the flow’ is also a funky, autobiographical opening track about Remi’s rise to fame. This album is a treasure chest of R n B, pop, acoustic rock and a little bit of techno thrown in with all that, a perfect stocking filler, I reckon!

HHHHP

Gina Reay Contributor

Single: One Night Only Me and You Out Now Vertigo THREE WORDS… dirty northern rock.

One Night Only are yet to be heralded by the likes of NME and Radio 1, although they are pretty damn good. This new tune ‘You and Me’ captures the raw simplicity of Razorlight’s first album and the rocky messiness of Dirty Pretty Things. Although the chorus is slightly repetitiveandthelyricscouldbealittle more inventive, you’ll be singing along/ nodding your head/ jumping on the bed in notime(ormaybethatwasjustme). These guyscouldbeasbigasPigeonDetectives, or Milburn, or Arctic Monkeys... God we’re a talented lot us northerners!

HHHHP Gina Reay Contributor

Single: The Wombats Moving To New York Out: 14/1/08 14th Floor Records THE IMAGE on the CD sleeve of a wombat climbing atop of the Empire State Building only gives you a small glimmer of the Liverpudlians’ unique kookiness.

In ‘Moving To New York’, The Wombats have created a spiky little racket which seemsdestinedtogettemperaturesupand pulsesraisedduringthewinterweather. A backdrop of ‘oooooh’s delightfully play againstthechunderingguitarasvocalist Matthew Murphy professes ‘Christmas came early for me’. I’d be inclined to thinkthatanyonehearingthiswouldthink Christmashadbeen,goneandleftthemin a euphoric post-disco apocalypse.

HHHHP

Gina Reay Contributor PRETTY IN PINK: Remi sits back.

Sean Lightbown Co-Entertainments Editor

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Blink and You’ll be Glad You Missed it

IMPACT

21

Entertainments

Making His Mark

Co-Ents Editor Sean Lightbown certainly thinks that serial Can Co-Ents Editor Philip Bloomfield protester Mark Thomas is adept at tickling the funny bone... stand his airwaves being polluted by substandard albums?

I-Empire/Rock N Roll Jesus Angels & Airwaves/ Kid Rock Out Now Geffen/Atlantic Records YOU KNOW, it’s reassuring that in this day and age of neon clothing, crappy synthesisers and disastrous lyrics about pretentiousliterature,there’sstillroom for someone else to show up and show us what really crap music sounds like.

Cause it takes something else to be really truly dreadful.

Look, I couldn’t stand the thought of writing an individual review for both of these monstrosities. Kid Rock is so bad he makes me want to wear my own behind as a hat to cancel out his hideous sub-Aerosmith howling.

And the less said about Angels & Airwaves, the better. Tom DeLonge is single-handedly trying to destroy whatever little credibility he once had by releasing music which sounds like substandard emotive rock with some chump guitarist constantly sitting on that one delay pedal he owns whilst he strums his frets with what sounds like a pair of flippers.

So let’s look at the names and the covers to start with. The humble Kid Rock has called his album “Rock n Roll Jesus”. But the blessing is that the front cover is plain black, so you actually have to turn the album over to see the Kid’s ugly mug, decked out in a fur coat and pimp stick with two ‘bitches’ flanking him. Nice. Angels & Airwaves opt for something ‘avant garde’ (the inverted commas are there for a reason, dear readers) with the title “I- Empire”. Someone needs to tell the boys that just putting ‘i’ in front of a word doesn’t make it modern and meaningful. And ‘empire’? What’s with that? Are they talking about Star Wars again? I’m not even going to start on the cover. Let’s just say they seem to have taken inspiration from Back To The Future and their own massive egos for the design.

Let’s face it, Kid Rock’s music is actually offensive. I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. Sounding like a cross between Aerosmith when they really hit a low point and a washed-up porn star trying to set the disco floor alight. And that’s just the first car crash of a song, which happens to be the title track. But wait, he seems to have been listening to Merle Haggard as well; he’s trying his hand at grizzled

PIMP ROCK: Why the gun, Mr Rock? Consider the kids, please...

DELONGE ET AL: Angels indeed... country as well. To be honest, with lyrics like “I’m a songwriter baby, and that’s where you end” over a sleazy piano coda on the laughably titled “Half My Age” he is asking for it. It’s too cheap a shot for me to even think about taking, but I think you get the point.

Angels & Airwaves do marginally better, but with a yardstick like Kid Rock, that’s more damning with faint praise than actually complimentary.

Tom DeLonge still whines like a little girl on opening track “Call To Arms” which wants so hard to sound like Van Halen, but actually comes across like someone playing U2 on a synthesiser.

It’s like that Bill Bailey sketch: Take away the effects pedals and the slick shiny production and all you’ve got is a ‘duude’ with a guitar playing Jingle Bells over and over again. Sure the drums crash and splash nicely, but it’s all just a valiant attempt to polish a giant song-shaped turd.

So with these two awful albums, where do I stand? Probably literally on top of them. But let’s put me in the most horrific catch twenty-two ever imaginable, the true seventh circle of hell. I’m in a shop, and I have to buy one of these albums, otherwise I will be forced to listen to The Sheila’s Wheels advert for all eternity. So which is the lesser of two evils?

I’d pick Angels & Airwaves any time, for one simple reason. The production.

Seriously. I’d suffer through having to listen to DeLonge mutilate then English language (What exactly is he blathering about in “Sirens”- does anyone know what a ‘gerrerrl’ is? Or a ‘meereer’?) than be forced to suffer one more miscued attempt by Kid Rock to be relevant. It sounds like the very worst production ever available to man. Imagine if Phil Spektor let one of those B Movie actresses he likes to have over for dinner get her hands on his production desk. Not even half as bad as this. Ok, how about Steve Albini lets one of this playboy bunny pals loose on the entire Shellac, Big Black and Jesus Lizard, Nirvana and Pixies back catalogues. You’re still only two thirds of the way there. And for that reason Angels & Airwaves wins by default. Plus Blink 182 was a pretty fun band, once.

Serious Organised Criminal Mark Thomas Out Now HIS CV reads like the perfect list of ingredients for making a top notch satirical comedian – regular columnist for the New Statesman, commended political activist and frequent demonstrator. A government committee even went so far as to commend his undercover work investigating loopholes in arms trading laws, which led to official warning letters being sent out to a number of companies. Think Bill Hicks without the misanthropy and you’re almost there.

The premise of the show revolves around 2005’s ‘Serious Organised Crime and Police Act’ which, amongst other things, restricts the right to demonstrate within one kilometre of Parliament without prior police approval. The legislation has so much influence that label-bearing t-shirts, badges and even cakes have been deemed demonstrations. It is at this point that Thomas’ eyes light up as he clasps his hands together, muttering with a troublemaker’s grin – ‘We can play with this.’

And boy does he, pacing around

MIMING MY OWN BUSINESS: Mark Thomas makes his, erm, mark. the stage with boundless energy, recounting with unerring detail the whos, hows and whats, which led to him earning the record for greatest number of demonstrations in a day.

Some of these range from the rather serious ‘Troops out of Iraq’ to the hilariously ironic; for instance, ‘Reduce police paperwork’, and bearing an ‘Abolish footbridges’ slogan on, er, a footbridge.

Yet Thomas doesn’t limit his performance to simple mockery of the Act using ridiculous slogans. His depicting of the characters involved in the journey adds a sense of personality to proceedings, which stands this apart from most ‘show and tell’ standups. This is demonstrated perfectly by his hilarious portrayal of PC MacAnally, who Thomas consistently

infuriates with his pointless protests and continuous loophole-exploiting.

To round off, however, Thomas poignantly reminds us of the serious side to his antics. This show is an important tool, showing us that despite today’s political climate, the government should always be accountable to the electorate, and not vice versa. In a Britain where our rights are arguably being curbed too far in favour of leviathan-like legislation, it’s a nice to have someone willing to challenge this with a mind as sharp as their wit.

porn funk and updating it for the modern generation is bound to have its pitfalls.

But when they are good, they can be very entertaining,suchistheirdedicationtothe power of irony and pastiche. Gangstafied Arab synth lord P-Thugg (no, me neither) seems to be slightly relaxed on stage, pushingbuttonsandsettingbackingtracks for his nerdy Jewish frontman Dave 1, who struts and preens around the stage like a modern day Marc Bolan. It’s all very entertaining, until you realise just how much of a one-trick pony the band are.Sure,hitslikethegloriouslysmooth “Bonafied Loving” justify the hype, as doescrowdfavourite“NeedyGirl”,during which the skinny jeaned and bowlegged Dave whips out a mobile to ‘talk’ to said demanding female. The jaunty “2-step, 2-step” of “Fancy Footwork”; which the band segue into following a hilarious rendition of Journey’s ultimate power ballad “Don’t Stop Believin’, is another impressive funk number with a genuine toetapping groove.

Yet you can only get away with playing on irony for so long, and there’s a lack of depth here which is quickly apparent.

The fact that the band don’t seem to be having to stretch their musical muscle is one element. Chromeo are a band who have been compared critically to New Yorkdancepunkluminaries‘!!!’,probably because of their love of funk and a desire tosetthemetaphoricalroofonfire.Butfor thiswriter,that’swherethesimilaritiesend.

P-Thuggseemstodoverylittleapartfrom add modulated harmonies to his strutting companion’s tersely delivered vocals.

His keyboard playing is based around pre programmedbeatsratherthan!!!’sdensely layeredpolyrhythmsandeffects.Thisisall well and good on record, but live, despite theband’sentertainmentfactoranddesire, their set comes across as one dimensional and simplistic. It’s like watching a Jim Carey film: funny faces and cheap laughs in substitute of depth and wit.

The biggest question lingering in my mindnow,afulltwoweekson,isquitehow a band like Chromeo manage to fill up the Thekla to its very brim, when a band like Liars barely manage to crowd the bottom floor. And that will always be the major disappointmentwithChromeo:foralltheir dashandstyle;youjustcan’tworkouthow they got so much more popular than other bands with more originality.

HHHHP

Sean Lightbown Co-Entertainments Editor

Chrome-oh So Poor Chromeo

Thekla Social, Bristol 24/11/07 ALL I can see is haircuts everywhere. Big hair.Thetypeofhairthathasbeenartfully blowdried,backcombedandhairsprayedto lookexactlyhowtheownerwantsittolook: like he or she has been dragged backwards through a bush full of Shockwave products and dodgy highlights. Yup, electro funk scenesters Chromeo have rolled into Bristol,andthey’vebroughttheirbandof merry Vice-reading fans with them.

Not that I have any problems with bad haircuts,thatis.Oneguyparticularlystands outtonight-hehasshavedamotifofstars and the phrase ‘100%’ into his head. Yes it’sawful,butdedicationlikethathasto be admired. And it’s the same with the band really. Chromeo are knowingly selfeffacing,andyes,attimes,theyreallycan be awful. I mean harnessing all the power ofrubbisheightiessynthrockandseventies

PPPPP (Both) Philip Bloomfield Co-Entertainments Editor

HHPPP CHROMEO: Not looking exactly thrilled with Phil’s review, are they?

Philip Bloomfield Co-Entertainments Editor

22

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MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

23

Arts Newman’s Newest impact previews the Arts highlights coming up next semester. Notes Student Highlights

Arts Attacks 2008!

Godspell, Bath University Student Musical Society, Music by Stephen Schwartz, Wednesday 5 - Saturday 8 March, 7.30pm, ICIA Arts Theatre, Tickets £7, Concessions £5

BUSMS’ UPDATED version of the1970s hit musical tells the story of the gospel of St Matthew in an unorthodox way.

This sensational show turns the gospel into an all-singing, all-dancing comic musicalstarringJesus,withhisdisciples portrayed as the seven deadly sins. The Passion of the Christ unfolds through quick-fire scenes around the ensemble cast. Withitssparkling,gospel-inspired score featuring songs such as ‘Day By Day’ and ‘Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord’, slapstick comedy and counterculture appeal, hippies everywhere will love it…

Global Group, Tuesday 11 March, 7.30pm, ICIA Arts Theatre, Tickets in advance £3, on the door £3.50 A SHOWCASE of performances

from around the world by the student group, set up to promote links between International and British students.

Bath Area Malaysian & Singaporean Association,Thursday 13 March, 7.30pm, ICIA Arts Theatre, Tickets £7, Concessions £5 THE RICH Malaysian and Singaporean culturecontainsarangeofraces,cultures and nationalities showcased through the performing arts at this one-off performance.

SALIGIA: Seven Sins, BODYSOC, Wednesday 9 - Saturday 12 April, 7.30pm, ICIA Arts Theatre, Tickets £7, Concessions £5 THIS ORIGINAL and inventive show uses a range of choreographic styles to explore the infamous seven deadly sins (SALIGIA is an old mnemonic based on the first letters in Latin of the seven deadly sins). Produced by students from the University of Bath’s effervescent dance society, it features

a variety of performances from guest societies, including the Breakdancers, the Cheerleaders, Latin and Ballroom and the Salsa Society.

Concerto Concert, Choral Society & Orchestra, Wednesday 16 April, 7.30pm, Oldfield Baptist Church, Tickets £5, Concessions £3 THE FLOURISHING University Orchestra accompany the ever-popular choral society in a series of well known pieces. The Orchestra also makes its annual presentation supporting talented soloists in this year’s concerto performance.

A double bill of One Act Plays, Bath University Student Theatre, Thursday 17 - Saturday 19 April, 7.30pm, Little Theatre Cinema, Tickets £7, Concessions £5 The Collection, by Harold Pinter Sexual Perversity in Chicago, by David Mamet ‘THE COLLECTION’ is a trim, witty

but unsettling vignette portraying a household wobbling with a tremor of adultery. As two couples fall victim to suspicions and jealousy, what happened one night in a Leeds hotel room becomes irrelevant,exceptthatittriggersasearch for the truth.

Meanwhile, ‘Sexual Perversity in Chicago’ is a controversial, provocative and bitingly funny comedy centring around four young people looking for love. Chicago is a hotbed of opportunity for two red-blooded males playing the mating and dating game, prepared to go anywhere where there are women.

Contains strong language.

Wind Band, GASP & BUBBA, Sunday 27 April, 7.30pm, ICIA Arts Theatre, Tickets £5, Concessions £3 SWINGING BIG Band jazz, lilting wind band pieces and up-beat, roof raising gospel, pop and soul tracks from the 50-strong GASP choir.

ICIA Highlights NEXT SEASON (Spring 08) ICIA has programmed its events around a theme.

So far… takes you on a journey to discover how artists, musicians and performers make connections with the past present.

HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE an exhibition

by Polly Gould, who travelled to the Antarctic to explore an inner emptiness in one of the most remote places on earth. Pigeon Theatre re-locate their performance to a bar, playfully forcing us to rethink what a performance space can be. Virtuoso violinist Alexander Balanescu re-connects with his Eastern European roots to explore ideas around identity and belonging. ICIA’s new series of experimental music features an electro-acoustic ‘ouija board’ and sees I Am The Mighty Jungulator working with MusicSoc to create original music which is then performed in Elements.

Finally, world-renowned musician Joanna MacGregor makes a personal selection of pieces in response to ICIA’s theme for 2008.

ALEXANDER BALANESCU: does his stuff.

AS PER usual, another term has flown by; it seems like only yesterday that the artssocietiesweretakingpartintheArts Afternoon and gearing up to recruit lots ofenthusiasticfreshers. It’sbeenareally exciting term from an arts perspective; we’ve had a multitude of activities, from performances to exhibitions, workshops to dance classes, and of course Show in a Week. It amazes me how all of these activities have been squeezed into such a short space of time, but it reflects the enthusiasm and dedication of everyone involved.

The speedy approach of the Christmas holiday also reminds me that my remaining time at University is dwindling, but at least there’s plenty to look forward to before I must don my gown and mortar board. Next semester is even more jam-packed with arts activities: we have major performances from BUST, BUSMS and BodySoc, concerts from ChAOS and GASP, and more professional shows and exhibitions fromICIA. It’slookinglikeit’sgoingto be another fantastic semester.

Also, look out for information about the Societies Awards after Christmas; this year’s awards ceremony is going to be bigger and better than ever before.

Allthat’slefttosayisthatIhopeyou have a wonderful, arts-filled Christmas, and good luck with your exams!

Tom Newman Arts Officer

society factfiles: breakdancing, musicsoc & knitsoc UNIVERSITY OF Bath Breakdancing Society is a relaxed group of people always looking for a laugh, but also a floor to dance on! We are currently under refurbishment, creating a new look and feel.

Meeting in ICIA’s Arts Complex, Arts Theatreorvariousotherlocations,weget togethertotrainandbreak. Beginnersare always welcome. We dance and teach but are also hoping to get some big names from the breaking world to come and do master sessions.

Members can be as casual or as dedicated as they want to be; you can even just be a spectator who comes to the

jams and battles we travel to (which we also spectate for the most part!).

Breaking or b-boying is the art of breakdancing, which (debatably) began in theearly80s. Itrequiressomededication and practise to make headway, so don’t turn up to one session expecting to master a windmill or headspin in half an hour!

This year we aim to continue the banter on and off the floor, to group together people with a love for dance and for music with a beat. We like to think we work closely with the BodySoc society,anddefinitelyareahighlightto their annual show!

Keep stretching and keep practising.

Any questions, email Andy at ajt25@bath.ac.uk or check out our Facebook group.

Training: Every Thursday, 5.30pm - 7.30pm, Studio 1, ICIA Arts Complex Most Sundays, 2pm - 4pm, Studio 1, ICIA Arts Complex WELCOME TO MusicSoc, the society run by musicians for musicians. We run the University practice rooms, for you and your band to get together and practice for the multitude of nights we arrange. But MusicSoc is not only for people who play an instrument; if you

like music – which, to be honest, it’s impossiblenotto–thenthisisthesociety for you.

We bring you everything musical, with the opportunity to see bands performing at L!VE, with music ranging from Acoustic to Jazz to Rock to Metal, as well as the infamous University Battle of the Bands which runs throughout the weeks running up to Easter. Being a member of MusicSoc also gives you a free membership to Moles Club, so you can watch even more live music more often, with Monday nights often featuring more Uni talent with some of the best MusicSoc bands.

Website: http://people.bath.ac.uk/ su9music/

NEW THIS year, KnitSoc are dedicated to helping you to improve your knitting and crochet skills! Other stitchingrelated hobbies welcome!

We will be having weekly gettogethers and regular workshops. This year we have organised a 10% discount for members at Get Knitted in Bristol.

This is one of the best yarn shops in the country!

We look forward to seeing you on Mondays, 5pm-7pm in The Claverton Rooms – bring your projects with you!

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MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Sport

Danny Grewcock: Exclusive Interview Sian Hogan caught up with the Bath forward as he jetted up from the Rec after Bath had taken Bristol to the cleaners last Saturday...

DESPITE HAVING a bit of a reputation for being formidable on the pitch and one of the largest men on the squad, Danny is handsome, very likeable and chatty; even willing to reveal a few embarrassing secrets about his teammates…

Danny, for the Bath students out there who aren’t aware of your background, can you tell us a little about how you got into playing Rugby professionally?

Luck really! My friends and I weren’t overly academic and we hadn’t really looked further than the day we finished Uni, but by chance I got asked to play rugby in Australia. I came back the year rugbyturnedprofessionalandIsortoffell into professional rugby when Coventry said ‘well we can actually pay you now if you want to play.’ I was like “Er…yeah!

That works out; I haven’t really got any other options!”

How long do you envisage staying at Bath?

I’ve got another year on my contract after this season. I ‘m the oldest man on the squad but I’m feeling good! Actually, I’vegotaninjuryatthemoment,butIwill continue as long as I’m playing well and feeling healthy.

So how did the injury happen and how long will you be out for?

About 3 weeks ago, I ruptured my bicep tendon. I just had my arm outstretched and someone big and strong ran into it and unfortunately something had to give and he bust through my arm. So it’s the tendonthat’sattachedtothelowerpartof thebicepandIhadsurgerytoreattachit.

I’m probably out for another three weeks; it’sasixorsevenweekinjury. ButI’ve been very lucky injury wise, managed to swerve the injuries for six/seven years…I was kind of due one perhaps! But touch wood, this is the worst it gets!

“I’m the oldest man on the squad but I’m feeling really good!”

Bath are doing very well in the Guinness Premiership, personally what are your thoughts on how this season differs to last season?

Last season we did alright with the European Cup Championship, but we just weren’tconsistentintheleague. Ithinkthe

bigthingthisyearisthatwe’vegotasquad of players that we can change around and still have an amazing match day squad, and wecancopewiththeinjuriesbetter. The starting 15 don’t have to play every game, guys rotate, literally in every position there’s someone else willing to play and pushing. SoIthinkeveryindividualplayer has had to keep up their game.

Which Bath players should we be looking out for this Season?

There are a few very good young lads who have a fantastic start. Matt Banahan, 6 ft 7, 17/18 stone - ridiculous size for a winger! He’s very talented and looking very focused at the moment and working hard. Another young lad, Tom Cheeseman, who hopefully will be involved with Wales this year, is a very, very talented centre. I’d say those two are the key ones in the back line who are genuinely young, exciting talent.

What are the Bath boys like as a team, would you say you’re all close?

Yeah, I think we’ve been through some verytoughtimesandduringthatyoureally find out about the individual squad and I thinkthroughthatwe’vebuiltsomereally strongfriendships.It’llhelpusplaythat littlebitharderforeachotherandwhenwe have to dig in, the guys will want to play harderandwanttodowell:theydon’twant tolettheirfriendsdown-it’sareallygood group of friends at the moment and there’s a very positive feel around the club.

Do you have any pre match rituals?

I have a routine, I don’t have anything weird and wonderful, it’s just very much

“Olly Barkley: he’s got hair straighteners! To be fair to him, he’s very good looking.”

ISN’T HE TALL? Sian and Danny.

aboutfindingthekindofsystemthatworks for you, how much sleep you have, what youeatbeforethegame,whattimeIarrive.

Everyone has their own little peg in the changing room, the experienced players are quite possessive over their spots! So no, nothing too weird, just a fairly light meal is my thing, makes me feel a little bit lighter!

In your Rugby career who would you say is the most intimidating opponent you have faced and why?

Iwouldn’tsayI’veeverfeltintimidated.

I’ve been lucky enough to play against somereallyfantasticplayers. Intimidated kindofmeansthey’vegotthebetterofyou already. Martin Johnson would be the guy that has always stood out for me – an amazing,consistentplayer,youlookathis achievements for Leicester, England and the Lions and I don’t think there’s many British sportsmen who have achieved whathe’sachieved. Youlookforallthose teams who have been successful and he’s the common denominator and as a leader as well, he wasn’t someone who wasted words, he said what needed to be said.

I think the two of you were intimidating together!

That’s the thing: you want to be intimidating to the opposition. For me, I’d never feel intimidated….I’d never admit to it anyway!

Over the coming year, professionally, what are you most looking forward to?

I really want to win things for Bath.

We’vebeeninfinalsandhavealwaysfallen short. Thisyearisagreatopportunityfor

thatandit’scertainlythebestsquadI’ve played in at Bath and probably one of the best opportunities.

What do you do to relax away from work?

I quite enjoy my cooking and I’ve just moved house and love doing it up.

What would you say is your best attribute?

Loyalty.

What would you say is your worst attribute?

Myfriendscouldlisthundreds![Aftera lot of contemplation] My indecisiveness.

What’s the most embarrassing CD in your collection?

I’ve got an 80’s compilation which embarrassingly shows my age. It’s not retro, it’s my time!

Which of your Bath team mates takes the longest to get changed after a game?

OllyBarkley:he’sgothairstraighteners!

To be fair to him, he’s very good looking.

What’s your favourite guilty pleasure?

I like my cream cakes; that’s the printable answer!

If you could be a cartoon character, who would you be?

Bart Simpson.

What’s your perfect pizza topping?

PepperoniwithChilli,Ilikequiteaspicy meat pizza.

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?

HeidiKlum. VeryinterestingladyI’ve been told…

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

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IMPACT

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

Sport

Stroke for Stroke! Bath’s Brains Get Trained

Trevor Iddenden Rowing Chairman ‘CREWBATH’ COMPLETED a gruelling 200km sponsored row in the middle of Bath city centre last Saturday, in a marathon fundraising effort for the Stroke Association as part of Siemens’ ‘Stroke for Stroke’ week.

The 200km distance was completed by two relay teams, both rowing 100km continuously, on separate rowing machines. Ten rowers completed a 100km relay row in just 4hours 59 minutes and 14 seconds by maintaining an amazing 1:29.8 seconds per 500m average pace. It is believed their effort will shortly be confirmed as a British University’s ‘small mixed team’ record.

Alongside, another team of 24 rowers also braved the torrential rain, gusting winds and hail storms on the day to complete their own 100km challenge in just over six hours.

Their efforts have already yielded almost £500 for the Stroke Association, and you can still contribute via the Justgiving.com website at www. justgiving.com/crewbath The ten rowers participating in the record-breaking row were Ali

Gregory (Sports Engineering), Tom Thornton (Pharmacy), Jon Sliney (Sport and Exercise Science), Claire McMahon (French and Italian), Heather Naylor (Mathematics), Fred Dahlmann (Management), Kieran Philips (Economics with International Development), Rob Baker (Natural Sciences), Jemma Cropper (Coach Education and Sports Development) and Stephanie De Smedt (Mechanical Engineering) The previous weekend also saw the first club race of the season; the club entered two Senior Men’s Eights, finishing fifth and ninth, a Women’s double, and four novice crews who all finished respectably against some good opposition. As Novice Men’s Captain, Aran Ramsell remarked: “All the crews raced really well considering they had only about six training sessions beforehand. With the exception of a couple of people, they had never even sat in a boat before coming to university.”

With the commitment to training shown already by all squads, and the ongoing development of the club behind the scenes with a new boathouse on the way, this should be a promising year for BUBC.

RECORD-BREAKERS: Well done guys!

Rain-Hit IDFC

THE ELEMENTS played absolute havoc with the organisation of IDFC this week, as countless games were postponed due tothestateofthepitches.Theonlyreport this week comes from the pen of Joe Stewart…

Chemistry versus Mechanical Engineering was a close encounter with little to separate the two teams.

Chemistry started in the ascendency as centre-backJoeStewartleaptlikeasalmon inthesecondminute,onlytoseehisheader clearedofftheline. Afteranearlyspellof

pressure from the Chemists, Mech. Eng. came more and more into the game, but never created any clear cut chances as it remained scoreless at half time..

Mech. Eng. started the second half howtheyfinishedthefirst,withplentyof possession but few chances. When they finallyhitthetargetfromcornerStewart wasintherightplaceattherighttimeto clear it off the line.

With their next attack the Chemists hit Mech. Eng. on the break with a flowing move down the right wing, which put in Rupert Cape for his seventh of the season.

One-nil soon became two, when a dangerous in-swinging corner was parried bythe‘keeperandtheballfellfortuitously to Paul Turner to turn in and double the lead.

Mech. Eng. weren’t going to lie down without a fight and showed great bouncebackability,dominatingplay. After a horrendous miss from two yards, Mech.

Eng. finally pulled a goal back from Levi Thompson with five minutes to go, which set up for a tense final few minutes.

Charlotte Towerton Reporter BATH UNIVERSITY’S sports teams have had their brains trained in order to ‘think differently’.

Red Bull arranged an hour of sport psychology for the University’s sports teams, orchestrated by leading sports psychologist Jamie Edwards, who has worked with several top class athletes, including tennis stars, rally drivers, and Premier League footballers. During the 2005 winning ashes series it was Edwards who Freddie Flintoff, the man of the series, turned to improve his mental game.

In recent years sport psychology has become an integral part of any successful sport team. With Bath playing host to some excellent BUSA teams, it’s important to involve such measures into their training and performing regime. A number of students from different sports,

including triathlon, football, tennis and netball attended the session to do just that.

Sports psychology impacts massively on peak performance in the pressurised arena of world sport. The session attended by Bath’s students identified the misgivings of training and performing that result in underperformance. It highlighted subconscious patterns we all undertake that are detrimental to performance.

Sometimes our superstitious rituals impede performance rather than elevate it. Jamie emphasised the need to ‘think differently’ to overcome the strongest human instinct of familiarity. As we see time and time again, sportsmen repeat the same patterns but hope for a different result.

Emotional involvement incurs in a game situation that doesn’t take place in training because of game pressures. There is a need in training

to simulate these emotions because the brain recalls differently according to emotion. For example, this can be done by increasing the heart rate by completing twenty push-ups and then practising penalties - which resembles a real penalty shoot out - when your heart is pumping out of your chest.

Emotion must be controlled. Tiger Woods had the ability in his game to “instantly recall past success and let go of failure.” The session suggested keeping a diary of all games played, regardless of good or bad performances, to record positive feedback to refer back to when stuck in a rut.

The talk was innovative and provided an alternative approach to one’s sport. It showed simple ways to improve on mistakes that were staring you in the face. Now the results are waited to be seen, could Bath thrive under BUSA knock-out pressure next year?

league, and one of only two competitions to be held in a 50m Pool.

Thefirsteventofthedaywasadryside incident of a hostage situation, where competitors had to keep their heads and provide First Aid and reassurance whilst remaining calm and collected.

The ‘Bath B’ did particularly well,

coming in eighth place. Competitors then moved to the pool, for a threeminute kayaking accident: a careless teacher, his struggling pupils, and a ‘have a go hero’ who tried to help, but ended up in difficulty themselves.

Many teams managed this very well and recoveredalleightofthecasualtiesfrom the pool, providing good aftercare and performing CPR on the non-breathing casualties.

After the incidents came the speed events. The first was a 12m rope throw relay. The Bath teams had disappointing throws, and didn’t manage to complete the event within the 2½ minute time limit. The next event was a 4x25m manikin relay. In this event competitors had to tow a submersible ‘tango man’ for 25m, before passing it on to the next competitor. Several teams were disqualified for illegal tows, but both of the teams from Bath came through unscathed.

The final event was a 4x100 Swim and Tow relay. The ‘Bath A’ team did particularly well in the event, a race with several disqualifications and time penalties.

In the overall results, ‘Bath A’ came in sixth Place and ‘Bath B’ ninth, the third-highest placed B team.

Bath Hosts Lifesaving Comp

Chris McCorquodale lifesaving@bath.ac.uk THE ANNUAL Bath University Lifesaving Competition was held recently on campus. This is a team competition involving five events, which is part of the national student

MONDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2007

IMPACT

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Sport

Kickboxers Pack a Punch! Wrong Ball Football Marcus Haydon Sports Reporter

SIX STUDENTS from the University Kickboxing Club recently took part in the P.U.M.A British championships in Swindon. There were over 700 entrants in the competition from all over the UK, trained in disciplines such as Kickboxing, Tae-Kwon Do and TangSoo Do. Sarah Lane was the first of four to strike gold that day in the purplebelt women’s lightweight category.

The winning streak was continued when Wailok Au, in his first ever competition, knocked out a UK squad

fighter and went on to win his category.

Andrew Berriman and Jonathon Turpie were competing in their first tournament, drawing a difficult group in the heavyweights. Unfortunately, they were both knocked out before the medal stages but both performed well, only losing by small margins.

The first four competitors all fought in point-stop sparring where the combatants look to score points for striking their opponent’s head and body, stopping after each point with the winner scoring the most points by the end of the round.

Vito Tomasi and Adam Aird were the only Bath students to fight in continuous sparring, where four umpires watch the fight and count thepointsasthefightersbattleitout uninterrupted, giving their decision at the end of the fight. Both also brought home gold trophies in their respective welterweight and middleweight blue-belt categories.

It was an enjoyable day and the club is looking forward to sending a bigger squad to the next tournament to hopefully continue this success.

Obviously upset at allowing such a quick score Bath returned the following kick-off with intent to near the halfway line. Bath moved the ball downfield with a strong series of plays, which culminated in a 12-yard touchdown run from Matt Styles, who is growing in confidence with every game.

An embarrassing drop at the back of the endzone on a conversion attempt by red-faced receiver Tim Williams left the Bees still a point down; with Williams ruing his decision before the game to smother his hands in lard.

Stout defence forced the Cobras to punt the ball away on their next possession, providing a chance for Bath to take the

lead for the first time, which they duly took.

More class running from the effervescent Matt Styles allowed Bath to score. He continued his strong recent form with 21 carries for 186 yards (3 touchdowns), ably supported by fresher Anders Bengtson, who topped 50 yards (15 carries for 51 yards, 2 touchdowns.)

Throughout the game needless penalties hampered the Bees’ cause, and as a result they went scoreless throughout the second period as Cardiff pulled back a score through their beefy running back Steve Hutchinson.

After the break and some strong words from their coaches, Bath stretched their lead with Bengtson running in from two yards out. All this did was to spur on Cardiff as they struck back with a long 42 yard field goal by Chris Hunt, and then took the lead with a 7-yard pass.

With time running out in the third quarter, Bath were in real danger of losing their unbeaten record, but some strong, brave running by fullback Gareth Booth re-ignited the Bees and as Anders Bengtson scored the game went

JUST IN case you have avoided all sources of news media and social interaction for the last few weeks, England have failed to qualify for the 2008 European Championships. That’s right, a country of sixty million people, many of whom have a great passion for the game, is unable to muster a set of players and a manager that can produce the results to take us to next summer’s tournament.

Many blame Steve McClaren; the architect behind England’s awkward, predictable football, and yes, to an extent he must take some of the blame for the failure. However, I feel the problem is far deeper rooted than simply McClaren’s deficiencies as a coach.

Whilst watching us lose to Slaven Bilic’s excellent Croatia side, it was all too apparent – we do not perform the basics well. Watch Arsenal, their footballisn’trocketscience;theirshort sharppassingisinstinctiveandeducated, whilst their off the ball movement continually opens up space and allows them to stretch opposition defences wide open. It’s just simple passing and moving which has been cultivated from

Cricketers Fall Short

ON A chilly, November day, the UBVCC indoor cricket squad, together with the 20 strong Bathmy army, travelled to Sophia Gardens, host of a 2009 Ashes contest. The draw pitted Bath against Glamorgan and Bristol; seemingly a perfect draw avoiding favourites UWIC, Exeter and Cardiff.

A crate of Red Bull meant the four-

Bees Fight to Keep That Winning Feeling Bath Killer Bees Cardiff Cobras

34 23

UNEXPECTEDLY PLEASANT weather set the stage for the clash between the Bath Killer Bees and the Cardiff Cobras, with a firm pitch and overcastskiespresentingtheopportunity for a tactical yet brutal encounter.

The Cobras wasted little time in getting on the scoreboard early as the normally reliable Adrian Dalmedo was skinned by his receiver, and almost fell over, allowing Cardiff a 44 yard passing touchdown to give them a 7-0 lead with little time gone.

a young age and performed to an almost immaculate standard by the time they reach the first team.

Our main tactic against the Croats involved lobbing the ball forwards into Peter Crouch, hoping he managed to produce a flick on or lay-off of some description, leading to a shooting opportunity – that is simply hopeful, percentage football. Croatia, however, a country with a population of less than a tenth of ours, slipped the ball around effortlessly, with their midfielders and forwards constantly moving and interchanging positions, creating space for each other and executing calculated passes.

We didn’t fail to qualify because McClaren’s tactics were bad; we failed because the footballing culture in this country is all wrong. I’m not saying that we should appoint Arsene Wenger as England manager and get him to make us play like Arsenal – that would be pointless, we don’t have the players capable of doing that – that’s why Arsenal have only two English players anywhere near their first team. This is a problem that will only be solved by educating young footballers in how to play football in the way it was intended to be played: on the floor.

into a tense final period.

Both teams fought for victory, but with an impressive defensive effort, and the match entering it’s final minutes, the score remained the same.

It was up to Chris Gammond to make a play that would spur his team on, as he returned a punt deep into Cardiff territory, assisted by a great block by the chunky Eddie Bell.

As Styles scored on the resulting possession, Cardiff were left without a prayer two scores behind, with less than a minute left.

Cardiff had one final throw of the dice, but Dalmedo made up for his earlier mistake by intercepting a long, heaved pass and the game was over. Man of the match awards went to Booth; who left the game with a nasty-looking injury (broken fingernail/sprained ankle) and the rampaging Jack Goodfriend, who had an impressive game intercepting two Cardiff passes.

Bath also had a game scheduled last Sunday away at Plymouth, but this fixture was postponed on account of a waterlogged pitch. Four games into the season, with 3 wins and no losses, the team are heading into Christmas in an extremely strong position to win the South West Division.

hour wait for the first contest passed refreshingly quickly. The Bathmy army were in fine voice; in particular Will ‘Big Bird’ Holmes led the torrent of abuse. Pickles, a portly Glamorgan keeper/batsmen (clearly sponsored by Ginsters), was the main beneficiary.

However he went on to produce a quality performance to defeat a substandard Bristolside,inthefirstcontestofBath’s group.

In Bath’s first game, against Bristol, they strolled to a comfortable win despite a perilous early position with the score 20-3. Earlier they had ripped through Bristol, reducing them to 81. A battling innings by Sam ‘Coops’ Cooper, backed up by captain Andy ‘Temple’ Mead, ensured a comfortable victory in the end.

This made for a tense deciding contest pitting Bath against Glamorgan to decide who would contest the next round at Edgbaston. Batting first Glamorgan madeadisastrousstartlosingthreequick wickets; Michael ‘Woodsy’ Wood and James ‘Caddick’ Fraser impressing in the opening overs. Poor umpiring and a monumental innings by the infamous Pickles (47) without support, meant they posed a challenging total of 131.

In reply Bath started well with Frazer andJack‘JD’Docherty,beforeabrilliant run out took Docherty’s wicket. Fraser and Cooper rebuilt the innings both eventually retiring on 25. Bath looked favourites up until an injury to the in-form Charlie ‘Hinchy’ Hinchcliffe stemmed the flow. Despite the efforts of Mead, Woods and Fraser (harshly adjudged run out) in the late overs, they fell five runs short.

Some quality cricket was contested despite the loss, with an award given to Cooper: Man of the tournament for outstanding batting and fielding.

sport impact

Kickboxing - 27 Rowing - 26 American Football - 27 IDFC - 26 Indoor Cricket - 27 Lifesaving - 26

Covering the issues that matter to students

Number One! Battle of TeamBath Bath on top of the BUSA rankings.

BUSA ANNOUNCED their most recent rankings last week, and for the first time ever the University of Bath is ranked number one in Britain!

So far this term there have been eight BUSA tournaments, with Bath competing in seven of them.

Domination has been a theme throughout, particularly in swimming and badminton, where Harry Wright enjoyed particular success.

Ged Roddy, Director of Sport is pretty pleased with the progress of sport at the University.

“It’s great to see Bath at the top of

the table. Just over ten years ago we were ranked outside the top thirty but we have known for some time that our sports teams and athletes are becoming more and more dominant in BUSA competitions. To find ourselves top of the league at this stage of the season probably exceeds our expectations, but it’s great to see us there!

“This is massive progress and it would be wrong to single out any one person, but the tireless efforts of the Sports Exec and the expertise of our coaching staff are certainly having a great impact on the outstanding performances of our teams.

“Every point will count in every sport we compete in, so I wish all our players and athletes good luck as they attempt to create a little piece of history in the coming months.”

VP Sport, Rich Howell, was equally overjoyed at Bath’s elevation to top dog in the rankings.

“It’s really great to see that the hard work of all our students in training is paying off with deserving results. The great thing about BUSA sport is that every point earned counts.”

Sian Hogan Sports Reporter

LAST SATURDAY saw the hosting of the ‘Battle of TeamBath’; a sporting event held by students from BA Coach Education and Sports Development.

Second-year student Emma Wooded, co-organiser of the event, described it as “a unique and varied sporting event, catering for an array of sports in order to enhance sporting profiles in a fun and competitive environment.”

Emma and her fellow students felt that recreational sport should be more recognised at the University as it is a great way to meet and socialise with new people who share a common interest.

Emma stressed that students have the time and access to the STV where most recreational sports take place

and therefore should use this to their advantage. She also hopes the event will help to promote TeamBath and the STV through the publicity it has generated.

The idea behind the Battle of TeamBath was to increase participation from all clubs, such as Lacrosse and Rowing, in an organised sporting competitive environment, where many different physical skills were required.

The profit the event made on the day would then go to the winning team to raise funds for their club to spend on training camps, coaching costs, equipment or kit.

The Battle of TeamBath involved ten different sports; rowing, team building, long jump, gymnastics, plyometrics, table tennis, netball shooting, football shooting, lacrosse and 60m relay as the finally event – all of which are challenging and require

a variety of skills The afternoon was a great success and the Coach Ed student organisers received a large amount of positive feedback, the only criticism being that team participation was unsatisfactory (only six teams signed up as opposed to the proposed twenty) – however this could have been down to a lack of publicity or student interest, which highlights why such events are a necessity at this University with so much of the sport being professional as opposed to recreational.

The day was highlighted by a public appearance from Danny Grewcock who is highly supportive of recreational sport at the University of Bath. He was kind enough to donate a signed Rugby Ball as part of the prize draw.

The winners of the event were TeamBath Football who won the overall profit of £330.

Caught on Camera BUSA action fron Wednesday:

Danny Interview on Page 24.

DANNY GREWCOCK: Nice bloke, really...

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