bathimpact Volume 15 Issue 04

bathimpact The University of Bath Students’ Union Newspaper

Volume 15 Issue 4

Your newspaper. Your news. facebook.com/bathimpact

University of Bath

Which? Press Of ce

Monday 4th November 2013

Universities found focusing on research over teaching Simon Rushton Editor-in-Chief

A

shift in focus for universities has seen current students receiving less contact time than previous generations of students, despite increased tuition fees and being instructed by the Government to ‘act as consumers’. This shift in focus would seem to suggest a move away from teaching for undergraduates into increased importance placed on research.

Universities Minister David Willetts has declared that this shift is not acceptable, and that there must be a ‘cultural change’ within universities. This change would aim to switch the focus of academic staff back to teaching, and can be quanti ed by looking at a governmental report

from 1963. The report stated that on average 55 per cent of an academic’s time was devoted to education (be it teaching or marking), with the remaining 45 per cent spent on their individual research. Mr Willetts now estimates that the split is 60 per cent in favour of research.

This change in the priorities of lecturers’ time has had a great effect on the undergraduate experience; according to a survey by Which? of 17,000 undergraduate students in 2012, it was found that average contact time was 13 hours and 42 minutes per week. The ‘average student’ also had to hand in one piece of assessed coursework every other week, in comparison with the results of the report from 1963 where a piece of assessed work needed to be handed in every

week alongside an extra hour and six minutes of contact time per week. Another problem is that now over three quarters of students will only receive marks and written feedback, whereas the original report found that nearly two thirds of students received face to face feedback as well.

The Which? Survey also unearthed large discrepancies between contact time at different universities; for example, it was found that Maths students were receiving between 13 hours and 22 hours of contact time a week depending on which university they were attending. This is a fairly big difference.

In his speech, Mr Willetts also pointed out that there are large differences between the amount of time spent on research and teaching across

science comment

e 18 pag The second generation of biofuels Lisa Buddrus provides a special report on the increasingly complex history of biofuel legislation and the effect it has had on industry.

e8 pa g

Scan for bathimpact online

University of Innsbruck

Universities Minister calls for increase in places ~ page 4

the board; staff from the universities formed in 1992 from polytechnics tended to spend around 89 per cent of their time teaching. This would indicate that the more prestigious, older universities are spending less time on teaching then their newer counterparts, a fact which may in uence the choice that new students have to make when they come to choosing their university. The data from the Which? Survey aims to help with their Which? University tool, which aims to compare average contact hours from a variety of courses at different establishments.Whether or not this bold tactic of relying on league table results from old universities will have an effect in the future remains to be seen, especially when student numbers look set to rise dramatically.

bite es 3 g a p

&4

French Professor fails to support

bite talks conspiracy and plot

Poppy Carnegie-Peake discusses the work of Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, who has spent the last fteen years research the effect of bras on women, and how important underwear can be for self-esteem.

Turn to page 3 for an exploration of a range of popular conspiracies and their origins, and then to page 4 for a few you’ve never heard before!

Look to the centre pages for Halloween Score’s best costumes

Monday 4th November 2013

2

bathimpact

Editorials

facebook.com/bathimpact

Weathering Stormageddon I

n countries across the world the weather makes an appearance in daily news reports, and it seems that meteorology is something us humans need to know about.

Maybe it’s because we have trouble with the not knowing about our futures, and where we will go after the darkness takes over from the light. Humans from all corners of the globe have been predicting the weather for millennia, since long before the invention of the barometer, and it was mostly based on observations of patterns in the skies - whether it be observing clouds, the redness of the sky at night or through astronomical methods.

That being said, it was still perhaps relatively insigni cant for the average Roman politician or the Chinese bowl maker as to whether

it was raining or not ‘tomorrow’, because regardless of the ides of March, the work still needs to be done. This applies even more so in the modern world, speci cally the UK; the lives of the everyday people are very rarely affected by extremes of weather, so knowing if it’s going to rain the following day isn’t so important. Maybe so if you’ve got a picnic planned, where it might be the case that you’ll have to eat the sandwiches indoors, but how accurate is the weather anyway? One can only imagine that the only guys going along to listen to Theophrastus (Ancient Greece’s anachronistic answer to Michael Fish) giving his daily weather report had a speci c interest in how heavy rain could cripple their harvesting plans.

So why oh why, even knowing that it’s a ‘culture’ thing (which is a

valid argument), does the weather so regularly take precedence over other more signi cant news? The argument that most news we hear is just to scare us into remaining obsequious to our Government is another issue; would British society have experienced a meltdown like a happy hippo sinking in a bowl of tomato soup had news agencies not spent hours telling us about what we’re calling ‘stormageddon’ last Sunday?

Probably not. Just as every winter, the daily news is littered with snow stories dubbed ‘the big freeze’ and other such tag lines to make it more marketable. Whether or not this is a clever ploy for keeping us interested, surely it’s enough to say that it’s going to snow and be cold, and so when you get up you need to have a look out of the window to see if it’s safe to go out. If trees are laying like chips

on the U18 after Score, then maybe staying in is a better idea.

So instead of dedicating hours of the news every day to weather, let’s just have one forecast after the rst frost and a ‘see you in the spring’.

The scienti c validity of weather prediction of a wholly chaotic and therefore largely unpredictable system, is another contentious point that we don’t have time to touch on. But, hopefully this argument supercedes this point, and perhaps our interest is perpetuated to keep maths postgrads busy. Either way, we seem to care too much. Let’s just start looking out of the window and look to our news agencies to educate and enlighten our uneducated masses, and save the warning reports for Sharknados. Ever the hypocrites, here we are dedicating our editorial to the weather.

Bound to freedom of speech T

owards the end of last month Edinburgh University tried to impose a ‘gagging clause’ on its Student Association as a condition to a £2.3 million grant it was giving. The clause prevented the Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA) and its newspaper from making any kind of critical comment without giving the University management 48 hours’ notice.

Unsurprisingly, this clause was met with outcry from both EUSA and the NUS, and ultimately the University repealed its decision and removed the clause. However, the incident prompted the NUS to warn other universities about making the same mistake. Gordon Maloney, NUS Scotland Big Dog, summed it up rather nicely when he said "The lesson of this entire incident is that institutions such as Edinburgh fail their students when they fail to encourage critical voices that aim to hold the powerful to account."

There it is. Whilst it’s great that Ed-

inburgh revised their decision, it still seems ludicrous that they even considered this a sensible idea in the rst place. Whilst the University defended their decision as simply an attempt to give themselves adequate time to respond properly, the fact remains that such a clause, regardless of intent, hinders the ability of an organisation - such as their student newspaper, whose primary purpose should be to critique. Surely universities should really be doing the opposite, and instead encouraging their critical voice.

A particular facet of the student voice that holds a special place in our heart is that of the student newspaper, usually being run by volunteers without proper training and with limited resources, it’s a perpetual struggle for Student Newspapers to accurately raise the criticisms that students have.

When you slap restrictions or place barriers to this, then it becomes near enough impossible.

Whilst it’s understandable that institutions seek to limit the reputa-

tional damage that criticism inevitably causes, this shouldn’t come at the cost of sti ing student voice. Rather than worrying about the wider implications of what a Student Newspaper has published, universities should remember that articles are written for student consumption, not for the general public. Yes, sometimes these won’t just be read by students, but that’s just something universities should be prepared to accept, especially if it comes at the bene t of a greater student voice.

In an ideal world, for a student newspaper to most effectively criticise its university it should be able to publish without fear of reprisal, because a fear of being punished will always result in publications erring on the side of caution, rather than being emboldened to act. So what’s the solution? Context. Student newspapers should be not be being treated the same as commercial newspapers, because they’re not. Leeway needs to be given when mistakes get made or

when their journalistic standards slip, rather than lawsuit threats raised.

In Ireland, student newspapers are given a great sense of freedom because the libel laws in Ireland are considerably more relaxed for them.

In fact, no student newspaper in Ireland has ever actually been successfully sued, because the general feeling is that they should be taken with a pinch of salt. Now far from us to tell you not to take us 100 per cent seriously, but the fact of the matter is that given our training and number of resources, universities especially should realise it is inappropriate to treat us in the same way as professional publications. Of course we’d be lying if we said only student newspapers ever make mistakes. You should never treat anything you read as Gospel, but this particularly applies to something that’s been written by students whose access to the full information is limited at best. And if you do take our word as law, then you’re the one that deserves to be sued, not us.

Risks of linguistic ignorance L

ast week, a BBC magazine article was published, highlighting how Australian children have been attending Mandarin immersion schools. Contrary to preconceptions, these are not elite schoolchildren, nor are they from a rich area of their country. In fact they are from an average area of the country at a state school.

Credit is due to the Australians, as as they haven’t fallen foul to a plague that is hitting other Englishspeaking countries, most notably the UK and the US, where we take the attitude that “everybody speaks English, so why should we bother?”.

There are some fundamental problems with this: rstly, as discussed in Issue 01 this year, there are many advantages to learning a foreign language as it stimulates different areas of the mind. Secondly, shouting at people in English and not making an effort to speak the language is truly

disgusting.

Now, we aren’t expecting you to be able to speak every language out there, and it is really useful that the majority of people will at least be able to understand our mother tongue. As well as this, people do often welcome the opportunity to practise their English on others, and that’s ne by all means – but at the very least some basic phrases in another language should be learnt.

Simply learning “hello, do you speak English” will stop you looking quite frankly rude.

A lack of foreign language skills is holding the British back when applying for jobs in Europe. This seems to be worrying the higher echelons of the EU, as they will be implementing a new policy encouraging the learning of a foreign language in British schools. As the majority of you will know, at present moment it is fairly painless to get through school with-

out really learning a foreign language, although obviously a GCSE is fairly mandatory. But really, what skills do you really learn at GCSE? There is of course a very valid argument for some people that learning a foreign language is simply of no use to them, but the simple fact is that without being able to speak one, you are immediately at a disadvantage compared to your European counterparts. Believe it or not, you have to be near- uent in English to get an Engineering degree, as you will have to present, sell, and publish things in English if you work for a global business.

China’s economy is growing rapidly, and great numbers of Western companies are doing huge amounts of business there. Partly this is to exploit their main resource (cheap labour), but there is also a very high import tax meaning that the more products that are produced locally

are fantastically attractive to the emerging middle classes. However, China is producing more and more of its own products, including cars and aircraft, and also investing on a large scale in Africa. So how long is it really until they crack the ‘West’?

When, rather than if they do, the question is whether they accept us shouting at them in English or not.

Possibly for a short while, but in this long term this seems doubtful. So in this instance, who are they going to do business with? People who can speak foreign languages and therefore have the ability to pick them up quickly, or those who cannot be bothered? The answer is obvious and detrimental. This change will hopefully not happen within our professional career span, but here at bathimpact we feel that we should take a leaf out of the Australians’ book and start teaching Mandarin before it’s too late.

The bathimpact team Simon Rushton Editor-in-Chief impact-editor@bath.ac.uk

Tomos Evans Deputy Editor-in-Chief impact-deputy@bath.ac.uk

Ben Hooper bite Editor impact-bite@bath.ac.uk

Helen Edworthy News and Comment Editor impact-news@bath.ac.uk

Tom Ash Features Editor impact-features@bath.ac.uk

Connor McGregor Morton Sport Editor impact-sport@bath.ac.uk

Pedro Gomes Photography Editor impact-photo@bath.ac.uk

Gemma Isherwood Online Editor impact-it@bath.ac.uk

Poppy Peake Publicity Of cer impact-publicity@bath.ac.uk

Gabriela Georgieva Design Editor impact-design@bath.ac.uk

Elliott Campbell Media Of cer su-media-of cer@bath.ac.uk

Advertising Enquires Helen Freeman H.Freeman@bath.ac.uk 01225 386806

www.facebook.com/bathimpact

bathimpact Students’ Union University of Bath Bath BA2 7AY 01225 38 6151

The opinions expressed in bathimpact are not necessarily those of the bathimpact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. bathimpact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct.

Please contact them for any information.

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

News

facebook.com/bathimpact

expressimpact It is not that I am not voting out of apathy.

I am not voting out of absolute indifference and weariness and exhaustion from the lies.

“

“

3

News Lite

updates & events

Russell Brand on why he has never voted, and never will.

photo of the fortnight

UPCOMING EVENT

University staff from the University of Bath at the picket-line of the pay strikes, protesting the 1 per cent pay rise on offer. The walk out took place in 21 cities across the UK, and included the three largest trade unions Unite, Unison, and the University and College Union.

The three unions all said that they expected ‘widespread support’, with claims that their pay has been eroded by 13 per cent over the last four years bathimpact

due to below-in ation pay deals.

Fortnight in gures

1%

The pay rise offer deemed “miserly”

2006

The last time a national walkout over pay took place

Talking Points

The Christmas Light switch-on, this year

by Bath born Mary Berry, star of the BBC’s Great British Bake Off. The switch-on 2013 is co-ordinated by the Bath Business Improvement District, and supported by B&NES council and The Bath Chronicle.

Where: Milsom Street When: Tuesday 12th November, 5:30pm

NATIONAL Prime Minister David Cameron has stated that the allegations that members of trade union Unite have targeted the homes of re nery managers in Grangemouth ‘shocking’. Adding to this, he called upon the Labour Party to investigate the inner goings-on of the union, who insisted that all of their recent campaigning activities have been legal and legitimate.

INTERNATIONAL Denizens of the town of Rjukan in Norway will be able to experience winter sunlight for the rst time, due to the installation of some giant mirrors. The town of Rjukan has never experienced sunlight in the winter before due to the fact that it lies in a deep valley, and the project is the realisation of a hundred year old idea. It is hoped that the mirrors will attract visitors to the region.

LOCAL Actions of tness trainer Pete Stables are being praised after he dived into a pool fully-clothed to save teenager James Walters from the bottom of a pool. Mr Walters was found in the pool with no pulse and not breathing, and it was pure luck that Mr Stables had decided to check on the deserted pool upon the time of rescue.

NATIONAL Money has been released after a vote in parliament to fund the surveying of controversial HS2 rail line that will connect London, Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds.

The government passed the bill comfortably with support from the Labour party.

It is hoped that stage one of the line, running from London to Birmingham, will be opened in 2026.

Research Showcase: Powering Your Future. As part of the Open House to welcome the University of Bath’s new Chancellor, UoB labs’ biofuels will put themselves to the test by attempting to power a remote-controlled car.

Student Performances. Also at the Open House to welcome the new Chancellor will be a series of performances from Gravity Vomit, Trampolining, Breakdancing, ChaOS, BodySoc, and a joint performance from ChaOS and Aquapella.

Where: STV When: Thursday 7th November, 12:30 pm

Where: STV When: Thursday 7th November, 12:30 pm

The formal ceremony for the installation of His Royal Highness Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex as the University’s fth Chancellor, escorted by Vice-Chancellor Professor Dame Glynis Breakwell and a procession of 240 dignitaries and senior members of University staff. Doors open at 10 am.

The of cial opening of the Chancellors’ Building, which now provides a large, bright, and state-of-the-art teaching space for 2000 students at the University of Bath. The Earl and Countess of Wessex will also be taking a tour of the facilities, and unveiling a plaque for the building.

Bath Rugby vs. Exeter Chiefs. Bath and Exeter set themselves out for a professional version of Varsity. Exeter brave the trip to Bath, facing them in Bath’s rst home match of the LV= Anglo-Welsh Cup.

Where: Bath Abbey When: Thursday 11th November, 11 am

Where: Chancellors’ Building When: Thursday 7th November, 3:30 pm

Where: The Recreation Ground, Bath When: Sunday 17th November, 1 pm

UPCOMING EVENT

4

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

News

facebook.com/bathimpact

Universities to relax student quotas

Another week, another set of Elections - but now we’re really into the big leagues; the nomination period for the SU Officer positions has opened, and with it the chance for you to make a serious difference to your SU. Aside from running around during Freshers’ Week and looking a bit like giant traffic cones, SU Officers have a massive input into how your Students’ Union is run, as well as the direction it takes. Officers are integral to ensuring the student experience at Bath continues to stay at the same excellent standard, and a great team can take this experience to even greater heights.

Any student at Bath can run for one of the five positions, so if you’re are sat there reading this and thinking that this is a thing you could do, or something you could do better than the current team, then you should seriously consider stepping up to the plate and taking a swing at getting elected. Even if you run and don’t get elected it’s not all about winning; campaigning alone will help you pick up a goldmine of skills and experience you wouldn’t normally have got in your University experience that you can take forward into the rest of your life.

amongst advanced countries for having such selective systems of entry to university...other countries allow virtually automatic progression to your local university if you have the requisite quali cations’.

Despite the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills introducing more exibility in the system, with universities being allowed to recruit unlimited numbers of students

Despite expectations that the numbers of university places would rise, this has failed to happen

Get up, Stand up!

Elliott Campbell Media Of cer

years. Mr Willetts also stressed that due to the improving standards of education in England, there will be even more young people with the potential to go to university, which further increasing demand.

The differences between the English and European systems were highlighted in Willett’s report, hinting at a more relaxed approach.

‘The English system is quite unusual

Or maybe you know someone who you think could revolutionise the Student Experience, in which case give them a nudge in the right direction, either by anonymously putting their name forward for the ‘Recommend a Friend’. Or, just tell them you think they’re a modern day Barack Obama and that they should stand up and be the change. Nominations are open now and don’t close until 19th February, so even if you can’t make your mind up right now you’ve plenty of time to mull it over. Also, there will be a number of training sessions offered at the end of November, and again in February (details in the next issue) to help you weigh up the decision. If you’re passionate about change or want to make a real difference to the lives of students, then there isn’t really a choice to make.

Anyone is welcome to come along to any of the following training sessions in 1E 3.20: - Why Employers Value SU Officers 25th November 12.15 - My Year as a SU Officer 25th November 13.15 - Running an Effective Campaign 29th November 12.15 - Writing a Good Manifesto 29th November 13.15

with high grades, overall the numbers have remained fairly static since 2010. However, it is expected that numbers will recover again this coming year when admissions quotas for individual universities are relaxed.

When questioned if there would be enough jobs for the greater number of graduates, Willetts argued that, as the British economy advances, there will be more jobs where a graduate level of education is required. Willetts’ argument was supported by the fact that the average wage for graduates currently stands at a higher total than that of non-graduates. Mr Willetts’ referred to this as being a ‘Great British success story’, due to the number of people going to university thus far having no effect on graduates’ chances of earning well after university. He emphasised that on an international level, the expansion of universities along with the growth of apprenticeships will be how 21st century Britain will make its way in the world, adding that people around the world already pay attention to the way British universities operate.

Critics of Willetts’ proposals have said that it produces no clear plans of how a steep demand for university places will be met, and the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills said the pamphlet was Mr Willetts’ personal view and would not comment further.

Education goes to the dogs Helen Edworthy News and Comment Editor dog in the care of Battersea Cats and Dogs home has been awarded an MBA degree from the American University of London (AUOL) in an administrative loophole which appears to award degrees without evidence of academic work. Pete the Lurcher (MBA) was part of an investigation by the BBC into universities offering quali cations for money; AUOL offers the MBA for £4500 and has defended itself saying: '[We are] not a bogus University'.

The AUOL offers degrees and post-graduate quali cations in Business, IT, Education, Liberal Arts, and Humanities to over 100,000 students internationally, with its website claiming that all courses have been 'designed to the most exacting standards'. After BBC Newsnight drew up a false one-page CV and Master's application for Pete and submitted it to the University, they were contacted within four days, asked to provide the £4,500 fee and informed that the fake student would become registered as an MBA graduate within two weeks of submission. A reporter from Newsnight was informed that since the ctitious student had enough professional experience, he wouldn't have to do any actual academic courses and so would be awarded the degree immediately.

The American University of London has no physical presence in London (or anywhere else in the UK) and is listed on its website as

A

Chris_Par tt

U

niversities Minister, David Willetts, has warned that universities need to increase student places by over a quarter within the next 20 years.

In a recent paper for the Social Market Foundation, Willetts outlined that the number of university places needs to rise from 368,000 to 460,000 in order to meet demand.

Mr Willetts believes that the lack of places at universities is a big problem, as it means that thousands of students have failed to get places on courses despite having the appropriate grades. The paper sought to update the Robbins report written 50 years ago, when only 5 per cent of young people went to university. The Robbins report led to the expansion of universities and allowed all colleges of advanced technology to have university status. It championed that university places should be available to all who were able and quali ed to go.

The 1963 report considered what the demand for university places was likely to increase to over a 20 year period, based on the number of quali ed young people rather than an economic prediction of future jobs. Willets compared this issue to the current shortage of primary school places, stating in his report

that ‘looking ahead to the 2020s, we can see the increase in the number of births since the turn of the century feeding through into more young people. Those pressures have already been felt in our nurseries and primary schools’. David Willetts’ new paper follows the same model as the Robbins report, and suggests a need for 92,000 more places for Englandbased students over the next 20

bathimpact

Jodie Pease bathimpact Contributor

A fraudulent MBA from the AUOL was awarded to a lurcher dog being incorporated in St Kitts and Nevis in the Caribbean. The University's fees, however, were being paid into a bank in Beacons eld, which is also the centre for the area code of the University's listed phone number. Public records also showed that the founder of the AUOL, Professor Michael Nimier, also lives in Beacon eld. The University's website states that 'the University's academic staff are highly quali ed and experienced', but all academics listed stated that they had never worked at the in-

stitution when contacted by Newsnight. Also according to the AUOL's website, most of its graduates study at independent colleges overseas, and the only thing the University itself does is take a fee for the setting of curricula and issue graduation certi cates.

Heralding itself as a 'pioneer of distance learning', the AUOL claims recognition from three different American universities, but these institutions themselves were also found to be unof cial and unrecognised.

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

5

News

facebook.com/bathimpact

EU to encourage language skills futureatlas

Marianne Gros bathimpact Contributor

E

U Commissioner for Education Culture and Multilingualism Adroulla Vassiliou has announced the creation of a new ‘Erasmus +’ programme, to encourage both language learning and study abroad years. The programme is set to start in January 2014.

The language skills deficit across the EU has proven to be a major obstacle for young people, as it prevents them from access to international jobs.

Vassiliou commented that she considers the language barrier to be one of the key reasons for high unemployment in the EU, and therefore addresses language learning as one of the top priorities of Erasmus.

The Erasmus + programme has been given a budget of €15b, and is one of the few EU programmes which has not suffered from budget cuts. Hoping to promote social mobility, the programme aims to provide grants for over 4 million people in the European Union, which will enable them to study and train abroad.

The language skills deficit has been one of the major issues in the EU in the past, and has been considered a particular problem in the UK. The incentive to learn new languages is thought to be low due to a tendency in public

The European Union has aired its fears about the lack of language learning for English students opinion to think that people can get by and communicate with just about anybody as long as they speak English.

However, Vassiliou seems to think that the inability to speak

more than one language has a negative impact on the business sector, affecting international trade in particular. She believes that companies will be able to increase their business by 25 per

cent with a successful language strategy, whereas those who don’t are more likely to experience a decrease in activity.

The Erasmus + Programme aims to simplify administration

and applications, by implementing one general programme for everyone in place of the current system of smaller and more specific programmes for different areas. In addition, Erasmus + intends to offer guaranteed bank loans for masters courses in EU countries. By simplifying access to study abroad programmes, it is hoped that young people will be encouraged to develop their language skills.

This programme is keen to promote language skills in the UK for university students.

Only 40,000 UK citizens receive grants regarding language study abroad, in contrast to 70,000 in both Spain and France and over 83,000 in Germany. UK participation in the European Commission is considerably under represented, which is in part due to poor language skills. In an interview with the Guardian, Vassiliou stated that ‘Only 6 per cent of the EU staff are made up of UK nationals’, which illustrates the depth of the language issue in the European Union.

One major aim for Erasmus + would be to get 15 year olds to acquire knowledge in two foreign languages, which is the minimum required for a job within the European Commission. A benchmark is currently being drafted for this, and Vassiliou hopes it’ll be put in place in January 2014.

Noticed anything odd in the mirror lately?

O

ctober is not only the month for delighting in ghoulish activities, but also the month for getting to know your boobs and moobs thanks to Breast Cancer awareness month.

Awareness took the University by storm thanks to a group of BBA students lending a hand to produce a ‘controversial’ lm, all in aid of increasing awareness of ways to check for the disease.

The team of students, which consisted of three female and four male BBA students, came up with the ‘Be Your Best, Check Your Breasts’ concept to raise awareness of breast cancer in the younger male and female population. To promote the concept, the team created a comical video of boys undertaking a smoky-eye makeup challenge. The team of students promoted their concept in conjunction with the charity Breast Cancer Care, and the ambitious students have said that they wanted to push the boundaries of breast cancer awareness as much as possible by targeting their efforts on the younger population, due to this audience being largely neglected by existing breast cancer charities.

Focusing their communications on the use of the tech-

nological mediums, the group managed to attain over 200 Facebook fans, more than 500 hits on YouTube, and managed to raise funds in the process. The group chose to focus their cam-

paign on the use of humour and its appeal to the youth, and managed to display a good amount of wit whilst still encompassing the seriousness of disease awareness in their video. The video shows

engineers, scientists, athletes, and psychologists attempting to recreate the make-up of the students in the video, whilst issuing the viewers the challenge of trying to ‘notice anything strange in Maurer Foundation

Natasha Thompson bathimpact Contributor

Other breast cancer awareness methods have been seen as not appealing to younger audiences

the mirror’. The video can be found on YouTube by searching for ‘Be Your Best, Check Your Breasts’.

In recent years, more people are surviving breast cancer than ever before, and it the earlier the cancer is detected the higher the chances of survival. One of the campaigners, Dariya Silko, expressed that “breast cancer is such a huge issue in society with one person every ten minutes diagnosed with the disease in the UK, both male and female. The majority of young people don’t actually know what to look for as symptoms are much more than finding a lump”. The group insists spreading awareness to youth is the key, and encourages everyone to get to know their breasts and to get into the habit of carrying out regular checks and unite as one to stop the disease affecting so many lives.

For more info find ‘Be Your Best Check Your Breasts’ on Facebook and help the team reach their fundraising target at www.justgiving/Be-YourBest-Check-Your-Breasts.

The group would like to thank CTV for all their help in the production of the video.

6

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

Comment

facebook.com/bathimpact

Just give them the blades for free T

here’s a common adage in marketing: ‘give ’em the razor, sell ’em the blades.’

It’s talking about freebie marketing, which goes like this; say you give away the razor free, or at least sell it really cheaply. Make the customer convinced they’ve got the best deal of their life, because the razor’s fantastic and it barely cost them anything.

But as most men who shave know, they then charge through the nose for the blades. Once you’re locked into buying blades for that handle, they’ve essentially got a monopoly and can charge whatever they want, provided they keep it under the threshold of what will drive you to their competitors - which is generally quite high as it requires a lot of impetus to make that sort of change.

But Apple turn that theory on its head. Apple products are expensive and some would accuse them of being overpriced, which is indeed one of the most common arguments trotted out against them. Some would say that this is to make them seem premium, so owning them is a badge of taste and sophistication.

But I’d argue the other way.

For those who followed the most recent Apple announcement, you’ll notice they released free updates to their operating system, free updates to their work apps, and basically every single program they put out.

If you’re on Windows, you’re used

to paying several hundred pounds for the new version of Of ce or the new version of Windows, and while they’re trying to curb that with the more reasonably priced Windows 8, the reason they’re doing this is because they’re on a different business model.

Apple makes you pay through the nose for a high quality razor, which is more than you’d expect to pay from the former companies. But, once you’ve bought that razor they give you a constant stream of inexpensive, or free, razors.

And then you’ve got all these razor blades! Why would you want to

move to another razor when that would mean learning how to use a new one and new blades and having to buy the new blades - nosiree, I’m gonna stay with this one here. And by giving away the blades, they’ve got a very happy customer and they’ve raised the amount of effort it would take to switch.

This is re ected in their customer service – I dropped my MacBook within warranty and damaged a fan , and they replaced it free of charge - but more generally their whole attitude to customer relations. It’s the iWorks being £45 and then updated for life; it’s the free upgrade to the

latest and greatest update.

A common phrase dropped when discussing Apple is ‘Reality Distortion Field’ - their ability to release a phone with a slightly bigger screen and some minor processor upgrades and to call it revolutionary and for people to buy it as a major upgrade.

There’s a cultishness about it that worries me as a consumer, but I’ve bought into just as completely.

People tend to become die hard Apple fans (which in turn polarised the Android fans) in ways you don’t see in any other industry. People don’t get a BMW and suddenly declare that every BMW (from a dan taylor

Nicholas West bathimpact Contributor

One of the big draws of Apple products is the ability to sync all devices at once, and at all times

banged up ’60s estate to a brand new coupé) could beat every Audi.

But once you are an Apple fan, once you have got more than one device, then you start getting the bene t of their ecosystem, their devices working together effortlessly in a way that other companies struggle to achieve. My passwords and credit card details are synced from my computer and I can use them to order a new sweater on my phone the one I’d looked at on my desktop earlier that day and left open.

The cultishness, the RDF, the customer service, the cheap and quality software that works immaculately together - these all work together to create a company almost unique in its eld. It will always do well because it lls a niche that nobody else is trying to ll, and nobody else is big enough to step up to compete with Apple in the same way.

So when the news came that Apple’s pro ts were down, I didn’t get worried about it. While people want to buy into that warm, comforting and helpful ecosystem that their products create, they will go for the brand that’s done that the best.

They’ve had record phone sales and I’m quietly con dent that the sales of their new MacBooks and iPads will likewise wow investors.

And why am I con dent about this? Well, I’m writing this on a MacBook and it’s syncing to my iPhone and iPad even as I save on cutting edge software I didn’t pay for. I’m not giving that up.

Picking up some Class A squash bathimpact

John Barlow bathimpact Contributor

D

uring my placement year in Leamington Spa, a housemate and I decided to attempt a game of squash over one weekend.

You would think being in the centre of England, between Coventry, Birmingham and Stratford upon Avon, nding a non-member court to play at would be simple.

After driving to four separate clubs and phoning countless others, it became apparent that the only real way you can play squash in England is to either live in a city, or nancially commit to a membership. I can remember jokingly saying that I could pick up Class A drugs much more quickly, and with less animosity than play a casual game of squash, or any other sport in England. Despite joking at the time, to be honest this statement does seem to be alarmingly true.

Over the last four years, countless sports centres, scout groups, and other such community centres have closed across England - despite David Cameron’s promoted vision of a ‘Big Society’ in the run up to the 2010 elections. This ‘Big Society’ harks back to a time of greater community spirit, as well as both national and personal pride; think 1950’s – 1960’s England,

Dad’s Army etc. To achieve this ‘idyllic’ scenario, co-ops, charities and social enterprises should be supported.

As well as this, more power should be delegated to the county councils from the central government. The rhetoric used at the time centred heavily on youth unemployment, anti-social behaviour, and the breakdown of conservative family values.

It was claimed that Cameron’s big

society would in some way combat these things, with the ‘things’ being the corrosion of our country’s moral compass.

In principle, I agree with many of the points raised by Cameron around the ‘Big Society’; I think people are more responsible and conscientious around those we know personally, and there are some aspects of community living where an external par-

ty cannot understand the nuances of the issue.

The problem with the Big Society is not its concept, but that the concept was never meant to be implemented; instead it was merely rhetoric in order to hide large scale cuts to councils.

Some cuts obviously needed to happen. The problem, however, is that the cuts are happening in a way

that negatively affects communities. One of my friends works with ‘problem’ youths at a centre - he is a big skater and knows rst-hand how skating helped him and many of his friends get active as well as get outside and stop drinking in parks.

He is constantly having to struggle with the fact that the facilities he used as a child have fallen into disrepair or have been removed, with a marked negative impact on the kids he is trying to help.

Due to community being a very delicate thing, many of the changes we put into effect now will only have an impact ve or six years down the line. You cannot improve the quality of a community without investing in it. We are now moving into a period where global markets are looking up, and there is talk of Britain having nally left the recession. Now is the time to look to invest, to re-invigorate, and to ensure that the quality of life increases for subsequent generations. Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ may have failed, but looking forward I believe it is in everyone’s bene t to reclaim their communities, and also to ensure that the things they nd important are given a forum. We cannot afford to overlook the more obscure/alternative sports, for they are often the things that provide a truly positive contribution to the community.

8

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

Comment

facebook.com/bathimpact

Controversial support for the bra Poppy Peake Publicity Of cer

J

sor Rouillon, can have an opinion or even form a scienti c conclusion about breasts considering he does not have them. Many women have expressed outrage at the Professor’s ndings, claiming that he cannot possibly begin to understand the rst thing about breasts, let alone advise those of us that do on the best way to support our controversial busts.

Whilst I completely agree with those women uniting in the brasdustpuppy

ean-Denis Rouillon caused quite a stir among many women this week.

The sports medicine professor from Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Besancon in France has concluded, after 15 years of the meticulous task of studying the changes in women’s breasts, that women who wear bras regularly are likely to have

saggier assets than those who don’t.

He found that women who never wore bras had nipples on average 7 millimeters higher in relation to their shoulders each year than women who regularly wore bras.

This has undoubtedly put the fear of God into the 90 per cent of Western women who are believed to be regularly wearing a bra. However, it has also sparked the age-old debate of whether a man, such as Profes-

Professor Rouillon’s research seems unlikely to convince women to abandon their underwear

sieres defence – the idea of going braless lls me with horror – I do wonder whether readers should have taken the ndings with a pinch of salt. Professor Rouillon himself has dubbed his study of 330 women ages 18-35 as “preliminary” and “unrepresentative”. He carried out his work using a slide rule and caliper and which indicated that “medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no bene t from being denied gravity”.

This does however beg the question why exactly it has taken him 15 years.

Whilst around 50 per cent of the adult population are seemingly thrilled with the idea of a revolution of mass-bra destruction, I cannot help thinking that the novelty would soon wear off. You could wave goodbye to many a cleavage enhancing out t, as without the extra hoick from a girl’s favourite balconette or wonderbra it would be a struggle to create the work of art that is a lady’s cleavage. You could also forget about tight clothes, silky dresses and risqué get ups in general. The majority of self-respecting women wouldn’t be all that comfortable with nipples on show through their gure hugging tshirts, or the high chance of a rogue breast breaking free from their LBD in the middle of a nightclub. Whilst I am sure there would be those select few who are happy to have their breasts popping out every time they wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care, they do not strike me as the kind of people who it would be hard to get a bra off in the rst place.

Those women for whom, like me, it is out of the question to leave the house bra-less, we do have our reasons. The idea of running for a bus or even down the stairs goes from a mild inconvenience to a treacherous ordeal; not only would you have to hang on to your beloved bosom to stop them quite literally knocking you out, the pain of spending the whole day support-less is not an appealing one. Oh, and you can forget about trying to do sport.

But if we do all take a step back, ignoring the practicalities and studies and scienti c ndings, there is no doubt that an attractive and well tted set of underwear can make all the difference in how women feel.

Day-to-day, our lingerie stops us feeling vulnerable, giving us that bit or extra distance between our breasts and the strange man you are pushed up against on your daily commute to University. Night-to-night however would drastically change also; where a naughty little Victoria’s Secret number may have given a woman that boost of con dence she needs to seduce her lucky partner, no bra at all would not quite have the same affect. Despite making it quicker and easier for said partner to access the lovely lady’s breasts, the whole romance and seduction of the ordeal would be quite drastically reduced.

Overall I think it is clear I personally am an avid fan of bras, and this week’s scienti c discoveries seem to suggest the majority of women out there agree.

Chris Pagett bathimpact Contributor he Nobel Prizes are widely considered to be the most prestigious scienti c and cultural award one can receive.

However, there has recently been a lot of controversy about some of its recipients - in particular the peace prize, and whether the prize has lost its validity.

The Nobel Prizes are named after Alfred Nobel (1833-1896), a Swedish chemist who was famous for inventing dynamite. Nobel requested in his will that an annual prize be awarded to those who have made an outstanding contribution or development in the elds of Physics, Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine, Economics, Literature and Peace. The prizes were rst formally awarded in 1901, and the recent 2013 ceremony saw twelve people and one organisation gain the accolade ‘Nobel Prize Laureate’.

It is not usually the scienti c based awards that cause controversy; this is because they require evidence before they can even be considered by a panel of judges.

However, with the other awards, the nominees are often based on individual interpretations and political standpoints. In particular, the Nobel peace prize is infamous for having controversial nominees and questionable winners.

T

This year saw the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) win the peace award for their efforts to remove Syria’s chemical weapons arsenal.

I am sure no-one would deny them this award; however, some people have argued that they are only doing their jobs - and many other organisations who have worked in more arduous conditions with fewer resources could be considered more deserving.

Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the peace award next year, for preventing a US air strike on Syria, even though he has been actively supplying weapons to Bashar al-Assad’s regime and criminalising homosexual and transsexual citizens. Personally, I believe Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani female rights activist who was shot in the head by the Taliban last year should have won this year’s prize. I feel she deserved the award for showing bravery in bringing about equality for women across the globe. Not to mention that she is only sixteen.

Previous awards have often been considered to be given too prematurely, such as Barack Obama who received the award in 2009 after recently becoming the USA’s rst African American president. He won the award for his ‘extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation

between peoples’. Four years down the line, very few people still believe he is deserving of the prize, for his failure to close the controversial Guantanamo bay, his willingness to attack Syria and his policy on spying.

The other main criticism of the awards is that they are too Eurocentric; the peace prize being awarded to the European Union in 2012 highlighting this, with many denominations outside of Europe potentially questioning what the EU has done to deserve the award.

My only complaint is why I have not received my prize money.

Critics have argued that a more global judging panel is needed to remove political bias; however as the Nobel prizes are Swedish based it is understandable that the permanent committee are from Sweden and Norway.

On the whole, I feel that the Nobel peace prizes have not lost their credibility; I think that there will always be some bias as to who should deserve an award, and I don’t think that changing the panel that decides a winner will affect that. What I do feel, however, is that prizes are often given out too prematurely. As history has shown us time and time again; individuals, especially those in power, may appear to have good intentions but ultimately may become corrupted or change their de nition of what

epSos.de

Nobel Prize for ‘noble’ Putin?

Part of winning a Nobel Prize includes a sizeable prize grant

9

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

Politics

facebook.com/bathimpact

jam “Blunt” billboards scrapped Migrants, and the Borg

Liberty

T

Liberty responded to the Home Office’s billboards by driving their own vans round London sponsible. The Guardian has claimed Agreement seeking ‘an annual limit cent agreeing strongly. Pollster Lord the scheme had encouraged only on the number of non-EU economic Ashcroft’s report – Small Island: Public Opinion and the Politics of one illegal immigrant to go home: migrants’.

Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Immigration – discovered a knowlafter they read about the vans in the Cooper said Labour’s immigration edge de cit amongst voters. For Guardian.

This row has demonstrated and plans were unlike the government’s example, 87 per cent of Ashcroft’s aggravated severe differences be- ‘gimmicks’. Labour’s ideas include responders thought that reforming tween the coalition partners. The forcing large rms hiring non-EU the student visa system and closing Liberal Democrats have shown out- workers to offer apprenticeships in bogus colleges was a good idea, but rage, with Business Secretary, Vince return, which the Institute of Direc- only 42 per cent believed the governCable calling the campaign “stupid tors called ‘completely removed from ment had actually done this. Ipsos and offensive”. The party president reality’. Labour leader, Ed Miliband MORI revealed that voters believed Tim Farron stated: “This is a failed has also said that the party was wrong 31 per cent of the population are project and the Home Of ce should to not impose transitional controls immigrants, when the ONS gures hold their hands up and admit it was on the number of immigrants com- showed it was about 13 per cent.

The political debate around imwrong, both practically and morally.” ing from Eastern Europe when new migration is a high priority fused Alternately, Conservative con- countries joined the EU in 2004.

In most opinion polls, immigra- with low information. Policies are cerns are based on the billboard van scheme’s inef cacy, with Theresa tion is a high priority. Various polls often designed to generate headMay telling the House of Commons: found support for these vans, whilst lines, rather than generate success.

“I think politicians should be will- voters consistently rejected the These political ares can often ating to step up to the plate and say premise they were ‘offensive’ or ‘rac- tract media attention to particular when something actually hasn’t been ist’. A recent YouGov poll found that ministers; satiating speculation that a good idea”. The 2010 Conserva- 78 per cent of people believed that Theresa May is preparing herself as tive manifesto called for net immi- ‘the last Labour government admit- leader of a post-Cameron Conservagration to be cut, with the Coalition ted too many immigrants’ – 52 per tive Party.

Cameron’s red-tape crusade W Lizzy Roberts bathimpact Contributor

hile in Brussels, David Cameron may have felt a like his efforts to cut red tape at the European Council were a little unappreciated. The allegations that the US had been spying on Angela Merkel and other European Member States eclipsed national news coverage of Cameron’s efforts at publically denouncing EU red tape.

The prime minister attempted to make the issue of reducing bureaucracy the focus of this month’s two day European Council meeting. Despite the dominance of US intelligence in the discussions, Mr Cameron expressed his satisfaction at the number of countries including Italy, the Netherlands and Germany coming together under the British led initiative.

The prime minister had had a number of one-to-one meetings with other Member State leaders to gain support. The initiative had also received support from Commission President Barroso, who called for “light, simpler, cheaper, common-sense regulation.”

Whilst stood in front of banners reading, ‘cut EU red tape’, the Prime Minister emphasised the need to minimise bureaucracy whilst circulating a

folder outlining the thinking behind the British calls for reduced red tape.

It has been suggested that the British proposal, goes further than what was concluded at the European Council.

Perhaps referring back to comments made earlier this year by the French Foreign Minister, “We can’t have Europe a la carte” Cameron stated that the ability to “choose things you are most enthusiastic about”

would make Europe stronger. However, whilst not speci cally mentioning the UK, Francois Hollande also noted that those who were voiced concern about red tape were often the ones who rst suggest it.

This is undoubtedly, one of many stories that will arrive from Brussels in the coming years concerning the UK calls for EU reform; namely, the simpli cation of the EU structures

and the repatriation of powers to Westminster. The UK Government is, of course, currently conducting its review ‘of what the EU does and how it affects the UK’. Downing Street has suggested renegotiations of where powers lie will come at any attempt at treaty change in the EU. This is all at a time where Germany is calling for a new set of rules to deal with the changes occurring in the Eurozone, and Commission President Barroso has made clear his intentions to restart negotiations over the same treaty that the prime minister vetoed back in December 2011. We also must not forget the domestic context in the UK where there are ever increasing calls for an in-out referendum, and the need for a referendum if any powers are transferred from the UK to EU as a consequence of treaty changes.

Britain’s time to make its case for a reformed EU is likely to come sooner rather than later.

Whilst not as glamorous or sensational as tinker-taylor-esque stories of phone tapping and intelligence gathering, from the announcements made at Council, David Cameron appears far more concerned with the developments surrounding Britain’s interests in Europe than whether the U.S. knows about Merkel’s late night chats.

So, just what has the past fortnight in politics been like? Well, I am here with a look back over it all for you. As you’ll see to the left, the infamous ‘go home immigrant’ vans have been scraped. Hooray. I’ve never quite understood the logic behind them. Just because I see something on a van, it doesn’t mean I want to do it, well… unless it’s a Jammy Dodger van. I always want a Jammy Dodger after seeing one of those bad boys.

Jam, a high priority for us all, has also made it into the news. UK Ministers wants to relax restrictions on the sugar content of jam to spur on economic growth. I have to apologise for my naivety; I didn’t quite realise how integral the jam industry is to the economy. Unfortunately for the government a backlash is already ensuing with the MP Tessa Munt securing a debate in the Commons on the matter.

When speaking about the changes she explained: “If these regulations change, we’ll end up with something much more like the French and German product - and worse still the Americans - where

“

“

Anthony Masters bathimpact Contributor heresa May has announced that vans telling illegal immigrants to ‘go home or face arrest’ will not be used across the country, with the Home Secretary calling them “too much of a blunt instrument”. The controversial pilot in London remains under evaluation, with the full report yet to be published.

The government’s general policy is to reduce net migration. They have made clear they want to do this by increasing current and creating new restrictions on those coming to Britain, including annual caps on the number non-EU workers entering Britain, salary requirements for non-EU spouses, ‘health levies’ on temporary migrants as well as requirements for all private landlords to check their tenant’s immigration status. The Ofce for National Statistics estimates that the number of long-term immigrants has fallen from about 600,000 in 2010 to slightly less than 500,000 in 2012. Immigration Minister Mark Harper said the vans were about “making it more dif cult for people to live and work in the UK illegally.”

Civil rights campaign group Liberty claimed the vans ‘had racist connotations – mirroring National Front slogans from the 1970s’, and drove round their own vans near Westminster with the slogan ‘Stirring up tension and division in the UK illegally? Home Of ce, think again’. The Home Of ce’s vans are estimated to have cost £10,000, and were reprimanded by the Advertised Standards Authority for using misleading statistics. However, the government was cleared over complaints that the campaign was offensive and irre-

Lynton Crosby’s job is the destruction of the Labour party

they have things a bit like a fruit butter or a fruit spread. I’m actually quite worried because I think this is going to be the end of the British breakfast as we know it.” Me too Tessa, me too.

We’ve also had reams of coverage on HS2. If like me, you’re from somewhere in the country that isn’t middle England, you probably don’t really care. It’s just funny to me that the Labour party seem to be more happy to support the shires in their battle against HS2 than the government themselves who were voted in by the shires. Posh people doing the whole “not in my backyard” argument is certainly ironic, but I can’t quite put my nger on why though.

Answers on a postcard, please.

Prime Minister’s questions also brought us this gem of a quote. In response to a question about Tory spin-doctor Lynton Crosby’s alleged involvement in the NHS in England, the Prime Minister responded in a Borg-esque style “Lynton Crosby’s job is the destruction of the Labour party”. Best of luck to you Lynton.

Finally, Russell Bland, sorry Brand, has edited the New Statement recently; the man’s never voted. I’ve watched the interview. I winced. He has a valid point, that there are aspects of the political system that are broken (even if he seems to confuse this with some anti-Tory anti-neoliberal tirade). But, his answer, however he dresses it up is still apathy. My argument is, if you’re unhappy, join a party, or start a new party and fuck shit up. Don’t whinge from the sidelines, you’re not doing anyone any favours.

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

11

Business

facebook.com/bathimpact

conomics o Smoking approved’. Few asked why they recommended it or which doctors had been asked. Even fewer saw it as a reason to quit. The advert had effectively legitimised health experts’ arguments through tacit acceptance that smoking was bad, but smokers saw it as a ‘fact’ that they could use to justify their habit.

A lot has changed since then.

The battle of the ‘facts’ ended when science overcame business, as evidence became clearer that ‘smoking kills’. In the 1960s, 54 per cent of American adults smoked; today the number is just over 19 per cent. Cancer, bronchitis, emphysema, heart issues and a legion of other problems are caused by smoking, but despite these terrifying facts, why do so many consumers– including myself – continue to smoke?

Each year, assuming I buy from a taxed British store, I dish out around £1200 for my very slow suicide. I know what I am doing, I know the risks and, increasingly, I realise how a habit once considered a norm is frowned upon as a

weakness. Why, we must ask, are cigarettes not illegalised - in the same way that we ban heroin or weed - in order to help me to help myself?

Firstly, smokers really are a cash cow. Cigarette excise and Value Added Tax brings in around £12.6 billion a year for the UK government’s coffers, but costs the NHS around £5 billion. Of course, a great deal will never reach the

NHS, but by simplifying these facts we can deduce that no more smokers would mean less money for the government. The same argument can also be made for alcohol.

Secondly, cigarettes are an ‘elastic’ product. The cost of tobacco has increased massively since the 1990s, yet consumption has decreased considerably less proportionally. Not only is smoking a Paolo Neo

O

ne of mankind’s greatest faults is our inability to question facts. Even as I write that quite blasé statement, I’m sure a few of you might even nod your heads in agreement, despite the fact I have given absolutely no empirical evidence to substantiate that claim. One statistic about immigration, for example, could inspire a harsh analysis of the topic and convince the masses with little thought or genuine discussion about what interests the person producing the ‘fact’ could have for creating it.

If we head back to the 1960s, you might expect to nd Don Draper exploiting this idiocy in some plush Madison Avenue of ce to sell products which will eventually lead to our deaths. It was one of these types who, at a time when cigarettes where being increasingly questioned by health experts, came up with the incredible statistic: ‘More doctors recommend Camel than any other cigarette’.

Their sales soared as addicts reassured themselves that they were smoking something ‘medically

Smoking is bad. Don’t do it. It’s very bad, and expensive, kids

cash cow, it is also one which can keep on eating without ever becoming full. We must also not forget that tobacco products would only become illicit if outlawed, but would continue to circulate.

I started by saying that we are gullible fools, but I would argue that irrationality go both ways: we are highly susceptible to facts, but just as easily prone to ignore them.

As economists, we are forced to nd that middle ground and assess that smoking is a ridiculous habit but is also a fantastic money-maker. If we allow ourselves to ignore the ethics, an economist should really conclude that banning cigarettes would be a foolish idea, but what about the economics of a smoker’s mind?

Smokers’ thought function in a similar way to international cooperation on climate change. We have the knowledge, we know the risks and we even know, roughly, would the cost of not acting will be. But like governments, we choose to ignore the facts because right now what we are doing works for us.

Chinese nuclear investment “

For the rst time, a nuclear station in this country will not have been built with money from the British taxpayer”, Edward Davey proudly declared last week.

Indeed, the government has turned to foreign investors for the country’s rst new nuclear power station, at Hinkley Point C, in a generation. Headlines highlight the prospect of future Chinese ownership of the British nuclear sector, despite the fact that EDF’s two state owned Chinese partners, China National Nuclear Corporation (CNNC) and China General Nuclear Power Corporation (CGNPC), are the minor shareholders in the consortium.

This would not be the rst time the media has drummed up hype based around the 21st century Western worry that ‘the Chinese are coming’. But Chinese participation at Hinkley is signi cant for two reasons.

Firstly, no Western country has turned to China to satisfy energy needs before; Britain has become the rst. The foundations for this new Anglo-Chinese trade link were laid by our Chancellor George Osborne on his trade mission earlier this month, when he announced that Chinese rms will be allowed to take a majority stake and own up

to 100 per cent in the next generation of British nuclear power. CNNC and CGNPC’s minority stakes in the Hinkley Point project can thus easily be seen as the rst steps towards a potential takeover.

Any foreign majority share in Britain’s national power infrastructure would be signi cant; a takeover from state owned Chinese rms is unthinkable for many. It would mean that British nuclear power is controlled by policy instruments of the still-authoritarian Chinese state, creating a dependency on Chinese funds. When one looks at the majority stakeholder EDF, however, one realises the British nuclear sector depends primarily on the French company, not on the two minority Chinese stakeholders, at this stage. This raises the question – is it the growing involvement of Chinese state companies in particular that Britain should be worried about, or should we be more worried about the takeover of our nuclear sector by foreign state companies in general?

Secondly, Hinckley Point only illustrates one side of the story, highlighting the soon-to-come surge of Chinese investment in a vital sector of the British economy.

There has been little coverage of what Britain gets in return; the media has portrayed the situation as one where recession-hit Britain is being bought up by China. However, Osborne’s mission to China

did not only end in an invitation for Chinese companies to fund our energy sector. Britain is getting its back scratched in return for declaring itself open to Chinese investment. Most signi cantly, Britain is making important steps towards becoming the centre of Chinese Yuan (RMB) trade outside of China.

Led by the London-headquartered HSBC (which has roots in trade with Imperial China in the 19th Century), Britain is handling 62 per cent of RMB trade outside China.

China has also agreed to grant RMB Quali ed Foreign Institutional Investors licences to London-based funds, paving the way for Britain to reinforce its leadership in RMB trade. With this, British investors

will be the rst Western investors to be allowed to invest directly into RMB, giving the UK a head-start in the Chinese market. Impressive as it may sound, we must not forget that RMB trade is still strictly controlled by the Chinese state, and overseas RMB trade only constitutes 10 per cent of total Chinese trade.

So from the Chinese participation at Hinkley, we can draw two conclusions about the developing trend of Anglo-Chinese trade. Firstly, as an economy which just announced a 0.8 per cent growth rate - the highest for three years - Britain is inevitably giving more to China than it is getting in return. Because we need the funds, the prospect of handing over control of the energy

sector to the Chinese is welcomed by our government in order to keep our infrastructure funded and running. Secondly, the expansion of Chinese investments into British nuclear power may not be such a bad deal after all. Considering our economic standing, the forging of such new links opens up the lucrative Chinese market to British investors in return (albeit to a lesser extent than Britain is opening up to China). The quid-pro-quo Britain is getting in the form of RQFII places Britain in better standing than most competitors in an exclusive Chinese market. Maybe an unequal deal with the Chinese is much better for Britain than no deal at all.

Martin Robinson

Norton Yeung bathimpact Contributor

12

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

Science

facebook.com/bathimpact

Lisa Buddrus bathimpact Contributor

I

n 1908 Henry Ford designed the famed Ford Model T, able to run on ethanol. He said it was the ‘fuel of the future’. Shortly afterwards, prohibition made ethanol an impractical fuel, but now, over 100 years on, bioethanol is a hot topic yet again.

Ethanol is a renewable source of transport fuel made from plant material and, thus, is a valuable alternative to fossil fuels. Although ethanol has a lower energy content than the same amount of fossil fuel-based petrol and increases the chance for corrosion, it does have its advantages. Its higher octane content can be used to make the engine more ef cient, which is also why ethanol blends have been a favourite race fuel for decades.

Burning ethanol reduces harmful exhaust emissions and – depending on the carbon-foot print of the production process - green-house gases.

So, what is the catch?

Making large amounts of fuel from plant material has proven a challenging and costly process. Its production requires multi-step processes to release sugar from the plant material, which can then be fermented and distilled to yield pure ethanol.

Unfortunately, large-scale production has so far been more expensive and much less convenient than just drilling a little deeper for oil.

Nonetheless, there is a global ef-

fort to increase production and consumption of bioethanol. Brazil has been leading the eld – closely followed by the USA - since the 1970s, when the Brazilian government made ethanol-petrol blends up to 25 per cent (E25) mandatory. Together, the two countries produced over 80 per cent of the world’s ethanol fuel in 2011. In the EU, current obligations require that 10 per cent of the European transport sector should be powered by renewable sources by 2020.

However, these elaborate government mandates have caused farmers to divert land, water and capital into growing corn and other crops for fuel

“

elaborate government mandates have caused farmers to divert land, water and capital into growing corn

”

rather than food. Most of the ethanol produced globally is ‘ rst generation bioethanol’ made from starchy plants, which could otherwise be used as food for people or livestock.

40 per cent of the corn produced in the USA currently goes into ethanol production. This has led to the ‘food vs fuel debate’.

2008 saw a spike in food prices that was thought to be linked with

Daniel Schwen

Bioethanol - failed fuel of the future?

Large swathes of land are now being used for biofuel production the increased production of bio- troversy. The increasing demand, fuels and diversion of agricultural driven by US and EU policies, has land for their production. However, promoted the production of biofuin March 2010 a report by the UK’s els in developing countries. This is Department for Environment, Food further supported by views that povand Rural Affairs found that ‘avail- erty in developing countries is best able evidence suggests that biofuels alleviated by creating local employhad a relatively small contribution to ment opportunities. Research at the the 2008 spike in agricultural com- University of Bath has found that modity prices.’ The World Bank also even though intentions may have reviewed their 2008 suggestion that been only the best by governments biofuels were playing a large role in and companies alike, the reality is a higher food prices and found that far cry from secure jobs and secure ‘the effect of biofuels on food prices provision of food. In fact, production has not been as large as originally of biofuels in sub-Saharan Africa has led to increased poverty and local thought’ in a 2010 analysis.

This may be true. Nonetheless, food insecurity, as jobs are tempothe large scale diversion of land rary, ‘idle’ elds are converted into from the production of food crops biofuel feedstock plantations even to the production of ‘feedstocks’ for though fallow land is important for biofuels has placed the industries’ future food security, and compensa‘sustainability’ at the centre of con- tion for farmers is insuf cient. This can only be alleviated by responsible and balanced production in these areas.

The fact is that these mandates already established roots rehave turned the ethanol fuel market duces the time needed for plants into a big mess. And there is no stopto flower and/or grow fruit. ping them. The US Renewable Fuel However, as has already been Standard (RFS), which was created noted, grafting is very skilled by the Environmental Protection process, which requires a great Agency (EPA) in 2005, originally deal of maintenance. Additionrequired 7.5 billion gallons of renewally, grafting can lead to a lack of able fuel to be blended into gasoline hybridisation; in other words it by 2012. This was extended in 2007 prevents genetic variation. This under the Energy Independence and could be disadvantageous, as the Security Act (EISA) to 36 billion galgardener may be prevented from lons by 2022. discovering potentially valuable The result is that the fuel induscharacteristics. try is about to hit a ‘blend wall’, as The development of the mandates demand more ethanol TomTato has taken almost a to be blended into petrol than the decade to achieve, as the stems market can absorb. Recent changes of the tomato and potato plants in life-style habits and advances in must have the same thickness technology have led to a decrease in order for the grafting process in fuel consumption that is unlikely to be successful. It can be purto recover. In the US, compliance chased as a fully grown plant and with the mandates is implemented is great for gardeners who have through the use of tradable RIN either limited space indoors or (Renewable Identi cation Number) outside in which they can culticredits; so rather than purchase an vate their comestibles. Despite excess of ethanol, re ners meet their the fact that it only lasts for one quotas by buying RIN credits. season, the plant can produce up Since the spark of the ‘food vs fuel to 500 tomatoes and 2 kilograms debate’, governments have realised of potatoes. the drawbacks of rst generation So if any of you green fingered biofuels. Second generation bioethareaders are even mildly interestnol may be able to alleviate some ed in experimental horticulture, of these limitations. It is produced don’t hesitate to acquire one of from cellulosic feedstocks, such as these revolutionary plant today. agricultural and brewery waste and Then, and this is just a suggesnon-food plants, such as grasses and tion, why don’t you come along wood chips. to the bathimpact offices where Commercialisation of this adwe can snack on these tasty tovanced bioethanol has been exmatoes and discuss the fruits of tremely challenging technically and life. nancially. Cellulosic plant mate-

The TomTato Revolution

T

merous past attempts to graft tomatoes and potatoes, however there have always been problems with the taste. The higher Brix levels (which are related to sugar content) lead to TomTato plants growing tomatoes with ‘just the right acidity that only the tastiest tomatoes have’.

Grafting is a skilled process that is done by hand, wherein two plants, normally of the same genus, are combined to create a whole new one. It involves cutting the stem of the top plant into a V, inserting it into the bottom plant’s stem system, and then taping them together whilst crossing your fingers and toes. If Lady Luck does indeed come through for the intrepid surgeon and the process is successful, the vascular system of the plants become conjoined and grow together. These eVophoto

Esther Osarfo-Mensah bathimpact Contributor here is an old Spanish saying that goes, ‘The belly rules the mind’. However, a recent advance in agriculture has blown the minds of gardeners worldwide. If you are not already sitting down, perch on a friend’s lap, for I fear that fainting may occur.

A plant has been developed that grows tomatoes and potatoes simultaneously. “So what?” some of you may mutter as you turn the page over in disgust.

But think of the implications this could have on our daily lives. A fellow clever journalist has pointed out that it is now (finally) possible to make chips and tomato sauce from the same plant. Bet you’re interested now, huh?

The TomTato, as the plant has been ingeniously christened, was created via a process called grafting by Ipswich based company Thompson & Morgan. When discussing the plant that produces cherry tomatoes and white potatoes, director Paul Hansord declared that the Frankenstein-like idea first came to him after watching someone jokingly plant a potato under a tomato plant. Fifteen years on, he boasts that the tomatoes from this new creation are far tastier than those found in supermarket aisles. There have been nu-

combinations allow for plants to be created with desirable fruiting/ flowering qualities along with resilient roots and, particularly in this case, tasty root vegetables.

The benefits of grafting include the ability to repair damaged plants and improve the quality of a crop. It can also save money, time and space, as grafting plants onto

rial requires chemical and enzymatic pre-treatment to release sugars from cellulose and lignin, which can then be converted to fuel using thermochemical processes (high temperatures and pressure) or biochemical processes (natural or engineered bacteria, yeasts or algae). Industrialscale plants are still small compared to corn-ethanol plants, and the ethanol produced is too expensive to be competitive with rst generation ethanol.

The ethanol fuel market is already saturated, so again policies and mandates were introduced to create a market for second generation bioethanol. The EPA envisioned the US supply to be 21 million gallons by 2022. Production challenges have caused supply to fall short, so the EPA has cut the mandate for cellulosic ethanol from 14 million to 6 million gallons this year.

Earlier in September this year the EU Parliament voted in favour of introducing a cap of 6 per cent on rst generation biofuels and a swift transition to second generation renewable fuels in order to ful l the 10 per cent renewable fuel quota required by the Renewable Energy Directive. While this has thrown a lifeline to start-up companies producing second generation biofuels, it has put producers of rst generation biofuels under pressure. This vote also strengthened the accountability for indirect land usage change and greenhouse gas emission in future analysis of the carbon-foot print of biofuel production. However, the vote was not as strong as was hoped and a second reading of the legal text has been called for, so a nal decision may be delayed until later next year.

With a mandated lifeline and market created, up-scaling highlights another challenging limitation in the production of second generation ethanol: the availability of appropriate waste generation sources.

A factory with 140 million litres ethanol output per year requires 350,000 tonnes biomass to operate. Organic waste is abundant, but generally thinly spread. Getting it to one location will be costly. And just as with diverting land for food crops to ethanol feedstocks, diverting wasteland will be controversial. Perhaps, we will see a ‘biodiversity vs fuel debate’ if this is not managed carefully.

So what does the future hold? It seems the most successful strategy will be the collocation of a waste producer – this may even be a rst generation ethanol plant - with a wasteto-ethanol plant. In this model, second generation bioethanol will ll a commercial niche and create more pro t while also reducing waste. This is already being trialled in Brazil.

As for the UK, for now we remain in the bottom three of the EU renewables league table, but we are working hard to expand sustainable renewable energy opportunities. Even the University of Bath has several research groups in a variety of departments working on commercially viable and sustainable solutions. So perhaps there is hope for a way out of the mandate mess.

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

13

Science

facebook.com/bathimpact

Mining for mobile phone metals Hazel Roberts bathimpact Contributor leek. Shiny. Minimalistic: that mobile phone in your pocket is a marvel of modern technology. Chances are, you see a slender hunk of glass and plastic with near-magical powers and don’t spare much thought for its internal workings. It may surprise you to hear that your phone is, quite literally, a gold mine and a treasure trove of some of the rarest minerals in the Earth’s crust.

Gold is used for the contacts on the motherboard and chips, since it is completely inert and will not corrode. It is a very thin veneer of gold that amounts to only 0.02 grams, yet in actual fact a tonne of mobile phones is 30 times more ‘pure’ in terms of gold content than a tonne of gold ore.

In fact, so-called ‘urban miners’ extract the gold from discarded mobile phones chemically. According to one website, one method involves dissolving the gold in a boiling cyanide solution; do not try this at home though, as cyanide fumes are highly poisonous!

The solution is then ltered, and the gold easily precipitated out by adding zinc dust. Zinc is more reactive than gold and as such it is able to displace it from the cyanide ions.

However, gold is by no means the most exotic metal in your

believekevin

Portable technology combines a plethora of unusual elements

S

Valuable elements can often be salvaged from old mobile devices phone. It is made up of an unu- nets containing both neodymium sual cocktail of ‘rare earth metals’, and dysprosium.

One metal found in mobile known to chemists as the lanthanides. If you have a periodic table phones - tantalum - has played to hand, lanthanides are elements quite a dark role in recent human 57 to 71, in a strange insert that history. Tantalum is found in an hovers below the main body of ore called ‘coltan’, with the richthe table. The fact that they don’t est deposits existing in the Congo quite t into the periodic table region of Africa. From 1991 to gives you a clue as to their inter- 2001, as demand for cell phones esting chemistry. Although only exploded, the price of coltan rose present in microscopic quantities, ten-fold. Any Congolese farmer without lanthanides the bright with a shovel could dig it out of colours of your screen would not creek beds, and men abandoned be able to exist. Reds are emitted their farms in favour of prosby atoms of europium, and green pecting for coltan. This upset an is due to terbium atoms. The already shaky food supply and sounds that your phone produces fanned the ames of civil war. By rely on miniature powerful mag- the early 2000s, phone manufac-

turers woke up to the problem and switched to slightly pricier Australian coltan.

Many of the other metals used in manufacturing your phone will have been mined in China. In particular, China dominates the world supply of rare earth metals; as the name suggests, the surface deposits of these metals are restricted in location. Currently only China and the USA have commercial mines for them; China’s rare earth mining operations have also created huge areas of ecological devastation in Inner Mongolia. Liquid waste from the mines, highly acidic and contaminated with radioactive thorium, forms an arti cial lake close to the city of Baotou and seeps into surrounding farmland. Crops fail to grow in the radioactive soil, animals sicken and die, and local villagers

“

China’s rare earth mining operations have also created huge areas of ecological devastation

”

have experienced an explosion in the rates of lung and pancreatic cancers. In recent years, however, China has made an effort to clean

up its mining operations and consequently has restricted all metal exports.

Faced with rapidly rising metal prices, Japanese electronics manufacturers in particular are having to source metals from elsewhere, such as recycling rms. Consequently, extracting metals from old electronics – ‘urban mining’ – is increasingly becoming a viable industry. Currently urban miners recover only a few metals from circuit boards and wiring: gold, platinum, indium, silver and copper. Rare earth metals are still not recycled. However, recent research from the Belgian University of Leuven shows that the valuable rare earth metal neodymium can be recovered from magnets using an ionic liquid. This dissolves the iron in the magnet, but not the neodymium. Nevertheless, rare earth metals are becoming rarer still as their demand skyrockets; apart from the rise in mobile phone manufacture, neodymium is an important component of wind turbines and hybrid cars in the new ‘green economy’.

The ability to extract neodymium from scrap could bring us closer to a future in which the recycling of electronics is not only commonplace, but essential in order to maintain supplies of these rare earth metals to manufacturers around the world.

Prof Science - Bacteria’s Bogeymen Do bacteria have to worry about things that go bump in the night?

D Dear germophobe Louis, The answer to your question is ‘each other’! Bacteria are fascinating little creatures, not just boring slimy lumps of cells. They are actually capable of forming complex societies and performing behaviour we would normally only associate with more complicated organisms. Much like the ecosystems we all know from David Attenborough’s nature documentaries (if you haven’t seen any of them, go watch one now), there are equally complex ecosystems at the microscopic level.

Bacteria that hunt down and prey upon other bacteria using a variety of hunting strategies are quite common in the environment. Among these predators is the parasitic Bdellovibrio. This little hunter actively seeks out larger bacteria as prey; by swimming super-fast, it can cover over 100 times its body length in a second. Once it has caught its

prey, it attaches itself and enters the host, transforming it into a bacterial zombie. Then Bdellovibrio feeds off the host, devouring it from the inside before moving onto the next victim.

Other microbial predators have adopted a ‘vampire’ strategy, at-

“

Bdellovibrio feeds off the host, devouring it from the inside before moving onto the next victim

”

taching themselves to the prey cell and sucking it dry. These vampire bacteria also have another trick up their sleeves; they can swim through viscous fluids, such as the mucus produced by Pseudomonas aeruginosa. This opportunistic pathogen is a major cause of serious lung infections in cystic fibrosis patients, and the slimy biofilm formed by this bacterium is very resistant to traditional antibiotics.

However, one species of vampire bacteria, Micavibrio aeruginosavorus, has a very particular taste for Pseudomonas aeruginosa. If this vampire could be tamed, we could harness its insatiable thirst

to kill off these lung infections and improve the survival rate of cystic fibrosis patients. Fighting fire with fire, so to speak. Being such a selective feeder, Micavibrio aeruginosavorus is harmless to the thousands of beneficial bacteria that dwell in the environment and in the human body.

Micavibrio aeruginosavorus was discovered over 30 years ago, but is very difficult to study in the lab, as it only survives by feeding on other bacteria. Only recently has it been possible to sequence its genome, thanks to major advances in sequencing technology.

Much more research is required to understand its gene functions and perhaps develop strategies for genetic engineering that would be required to tailor the predatory attributes of the bacterium to specific uses in medicine or industry.

If zombifying and vampire bacteria are not creepy enough, don’t worry: it gets spookier.

There are bacteria that exist as self-organized, predatory singlespecies swarms. Millions of individual Myxococcus xanthus cells organise themselves into a killer swarm using intercellular molecular signals. They communicate in a non-centralised fashion and behave as a single entity, exhibiting a coordinated, rippling swarming

movement in response to environmental cues. The cells perform a back and forth motion along a line perpendicular to the axis of the ripple, scouting for potential prey.

This produces an alternating pattern of high and low cell density similar to the crests and troughs of waves. As the killer swarm waves wash over prey bacteria, the swarm releases antibiotics to kill its prey, and extracellular en-

zymes that break it down. When all potential prey microorganisms have been devoured, the rippling behaviour of the swarm dissipates.

Myxococcus xanthus is harmless to humans and might one day be used beneficially to destroy harmful bacteria on surfaces or in human infections, because science is awesome.

Darius N

ear Professor Science, Bacteria are much scarier than any werewolf or vampire that I’ve met.

Is there any creature alive that these critters themselves are afraid of? - Louis

14

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

World

facebook.com/bathimpact

Child polio breaks out in Syria The civil war has prevented the vaccination of Syrian children Nicholas West bathimpact Contributor

B

efore Syria’s civil war broke out in 2011, almost 95 per cent of all children in Syria were immunised against the deadly disease, poliomyelitis (more com-

monly known as polio), and it had been 12 years since the last conrmed outbreak. However, since the start of the con ict between the Syrian government and the rebels, the number of children not immunised against polio has rocketed

to almost 500,000 according to Unicef’s published statistics.

The WHO believes that the outbreak centres on the eastern province of Deir Ezzor. WHO spokesman, Oliver Rosenbauer, told the Reuters news agency: “There is a

Scott Bob The ongoing con ict in Syria has exposed the population to a variety of pathogens and diseases.

cluster of 22 acute accid paralysis cases that is being investigated in that area. Everybody is treating this as an outbreak and is in outbreak response mode.” This is not just merely speculation either; two individual cases have already been con rmed in the laboratory, and the other twenty are expecting con rmation in the coming weeks.

This means that, in the Deir Ezzor province alone, there are more than one hundred thousand children under the age of ve at risk of polio. Deir Ezzor is one of the regions caught in the con ict between the Syrian government and the opposition, with the city remaining partially controlled by Assad-loyal forces and the countryside remaining controlled by the rebels.

The WHO, UN and Syria’s own health ministry have all started working on a mass immunisation programme from Thursday, but the current instability and insecurity in the reason are likely to make this a dif cult task - especially with

some recent estimates placing the number of Syrian medical professionals who have been forced to ee from the violence at over 50 per cent.

Disease is rampant in the region; not just polio, but with other upsurgances of measles, typhoid and hepatitis type A. But polio is one of the worst as there is no known cure, and if this turns into an epidemic then it could be catastrophic to the recovery of the country assuming that the con ict does reach some sort of conclusion.

Approximately 90 per cent of all poliomyelitis infections cause no symptoms at all, but once the virus enters the blood stream the symptoms then appear. In approximately 1 per cent of all cases, the virus enters the central nervous system and then it infects and destroys the motor neurones, leading to muscle weakness and eventually to acute accid paralysis (wherein the muscles lose all rigidity and become unuseably soft).

End of double Cuban currency Cuba outlines its schedule for unifying the dual tier peso system Alexandra Egan bathimpact Contributor

A

denied access to goods only available when paid for in CUC. Many of these are indispensable products imported from the outside, such as medicine. Sanchez frequently updates her twitter account with the multiple requests for medicine that friends and family just cannot get hold of themselves with the CUP. With the CUC being seen as the key to such goods, Cubans are ghting to get their hands on them instead of the worthless Cuban peso.

As a result, the Castro brothers have successfully created a two-tier class system within Cuba, which goes against the seemingly ‘egalitarian’ Cuban model they have promoted since the 1959 rev-

olution.

As Sanchez points out, there is no xed date for the ending of the dual currency; nor has the Cuban government announced which currency it will adopt post-uni cation.

Cuba is unfortunately a country with low productivity and lack of ef ciency in the economic sector, both of which need to be tackled if uni cation is to be successful.

Cuban economist Carmelo MesaLago, a professor at the University of Pittsburgh in the United States, believes that the ending of the dual currency system is the biggest challenge for Raul Castro. MesaLago agrees with Sanchez and outlines that, for a gradual reduction of the CUC-CUP parity, “we must

rst increase local production and productivity”.

The Cuban communist daily newspaper, Granma, insists that the Cuban economy will not be treated with ‘shock therapy’, but instead a gradual process towards uni cation that will affect rst businesses and then individuals.

The abolishment of the dual currency system appears to be a good move for the Cuban people.

However, the Cuban government needs to look at improving overall economic output beforehand to prevent the economy from spiralling even more out of control and to give Cubans more opportunities and fewer limitations when it comes to purchasing power.

Valter Campanato

fter 20 years of dual currency, the Cuban government has announced it will scrap the current system in the hope of reviving the failing economy.

The Council of Ministers has outlined a rough timeline of measures that will lead to eventual unication of the two currencies: the Cuban peso (CUP) and the more valuable Cuban convertible peso (CUC), in the hope that a single currency will be achieved in about 18 months.

Award-winning Cuban blogger, Yoani Sanchez, announced that ending the dual currency is a “popular demand for change among Cubans”. For Cuban citizens, a general sentiment of disillusionment and inequality continues to fester concerning the current economic system; uni cation may be the answer to some of their economic worries.

Cuba’s complex monetary system began in 1990, with the fall of the Soviet Empire, which plunged Cuba into an economic crisis. To give Cuba the kick-start it needed, Fidel Castro authorised the circulation of the American dollar as well as the already in-use CUP. Castro also approved the sending of money from Cuban emigrants abroad to their loved ones back home.

It was in 1994 that the Cuban authorities introduced the CUC as an alternative option to the green bill. All three currencies were used until October 2004 when Fidel Castro decided to banish the USD in reaction to a new set of strict,

tightened economic sanctions introduced by the US government against Cuba. Castro also imposed a levy of 10 per cent on all USD conversions and exchanges to express his anger at what he regarded as an ‘irrational and unjust’ US economic embargo.

Meanwhile, the value of the CUP went from 150 CUP – 1 USD to just 24 CUP – 1 CUC. The Cuban peso became signi cantly less valuable as a result of Castro’s hard-line approach to the dollar. It was not until 2011 that the hard currency, the CUC, became more stabilised when Fidel’s brother and new leader, Raul Castro, paired it to the USD. With the aim of boosting exports and local production, in 2011 the Cuban central bank also devalued the hard currency convertible peso by 8 per cent compared with the US dollar.

So how does the current dual currency system affect the Cuban population? On the one hand, a minority of privileged Cubans working in the tourism and foreign companies sectors that have access to the outside world also have access to the CUC. They are thus able to increase their salaries and pensions in the equivalent CUP, as well as access imported goods, only available when paid for with the CUC currency.

On the other hand, you have the majority of Cubans working in local industries for the local economy and being paid in the lowervalue CUP. The majority of the Cuban population’s pensions are also paid in CUP, rendering them almost worthless. As their source of income is strictly CUP, they are

Cuban leader Raul Castro is attempting to develop stronger ties with the international community.

p e t S nd a p u

Media

Student

Join

! y a d o t

16

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

World

facebook.com/bathimpact

US spying on European leaders NSA surveillance of allies sparks fury among EU heads of state wikileaks

Sophie Sachrajda bathimpact Contributor

A

con dential memo released by whistleblower Edward Snowden has revealed that the American National Security Agency monitored phone calls of 35 world leaders by using information provided to them by a US government of cial.

The memo is entitled ‘Customers can help the Signals Intelligence Directorate (SID) obtain targetable phone numbers’. It was written in October 2006, when Condoleezza Rice was Secretary of State and halfway through George W Bush’s second term, however, reports state that Barack Obama was told in 2010 about the surveillance and failed to stop it.

“

In one recent case, a US of cial provided NSA with 200 phone numbers

”

Causing a wave of apologetic phone calls from US Departments and backlashes from leaders all over the world, the of cial document reveals that the NSA actively encourages departmental of cials within the Pentagon and the White House to share their contact lists.

This is so that they can ‘help agency surveillance’ and in order for the

NSA to add the numbers of foreign politicians to their surveillance lists.

The memo commences with an example of how politicians who are in contact with world leaders can help gather information. It notes: ‘In one recent case, a US of cial provided NSA with 200 phone numbers’.

The US is facing growing criticism internationally, and this revelation is bound to add to increasing diplomatic tensions between the US and its allies. The memo recognises that eavesdropping on diplomatic phone calls gave them ‘little reportable intelligence’. Since many international of cials are complaining about the spying the potential diplomatic damage to relations with allied governments far outweighs the

small amount of intelligence gained over the course of the phone monitoring.

One country which has responded strongly to this new information is Germany. On 23rd October, German Chancellor Angela Merkel accused the American government of tapping her phone. At an EU summit in Brussels she declared “We need to have trust in our allies and partners, and this must now be established once again. I repeat that spying among friends is not at all acceptable against anyone, and that goes for every citizen in Germany.”

Despite the Obama administration’s refusal to comment directly about the new material, White House press secretary Jay Carney

has issued a statement claiming that America ‘is not monitoring and will not monitor’ Angela Merkel’s communications. German of cials responded by noting that the US was not denying monitoring the Chancellor’s phone in the past and stated that it was still a breach of trust. Carney went on to declare that “the revelations clearly caused tensions in our relationships with some countries and we are dealing with that through diplomatic channels.”

Foreign diplomats are calling for American surveillance to be given a new legal footing in order for countries to be able to maintain ties with the US. Merkel told Obama that Germany “expects in the future a

clear contractual basis for the activity of the services and their co-operation”. Both Germany and France have called for a ‘no-spy’ deal to be made by the end of the year.

In addition to the bugging of the German Chancellor’s phone, there are claims that NSA has also been surveying millions of telephone calls made by Spanish and French citizens. It seems that 60 million Spanish numbers and locations of callers have been collected, as well as 70 million French phone records.

The US ambassador to Spain has said that such practices are ‘inappropriate and unacceptable’, and the French President Francois Hollande declared that trust needed to be ‘restored and reinforced’.

The topic of the US’ spying dominated the summit on 24th October in Brussels, with many claiming that the distrust caused by the surveillance could harm intelligencegathering cooperation between countries and as a consequence damage the ght against terrorism.

However, according to UK Prime Minister, David Cameron (who allegedly has not been monitored by the NSA), the EU is still keen to maintain a good partnership with the US. Cameron said that his European colleagues “don’t want a breach between the EU and the US”.

The true effect of the Snowden revelations on European-American relations will become clear in the coming weeks.

Tijuana cartel is not clowning around F

feuding drug gangs’ crossfire.

During the 1990s, the AFO was one of Mexico’s most feared drug cartels due to their two main leaders, Benjamín and Ramón. Benjamín, a gifted businessman and Ramón, who was undoubtedly one of the most ruthless men in Mexico, controlled the AFO along with their five other brothers and four sisters from 1989 to 2002. Their list of offenses is long, from drug

trafficking, to bribery of a large portion of the local police and government officials, and even extensive counts of murder. This enabled them to maintain an effective operation of smuggling drugs such as marijuana, cocaine and heroin into America. The cartel’s smuggling methods utilised miles of long tunnels, boats and ultimatums of ‘silver or lead’, a method of controlling the police Eduardo Ramirez

Daniel Robinson bathimpact Contributor rancisco Rafael Arellano Felix, 63, a former leader of Mexico’s ruthless Tijuana Drug Cartel - the Arellano Felix Organisation (AFO) - was assassinated on Friday 18th October. Whilst attending a family gathering in the resort of Los Cabos he was shot twice by a man disguised in a clown outfit, once in the head and once in the thorax, authorities have stated. The motive and identity of this murderous clown, who escaped the crime scene, is still unknown.

The 63-year-old drug lord, who was imprisoned for nearly 15 years on drug charges between 1993 and 2008, was the eldest of the set of siblings who run the infamous AFO, which dominated much of Tijuana’s drug trade during the 1990s. The siblings inherited half of the Guadalajara Cartel from their uncle Miguel Ángel Félix Gallardo, which split into two factions after his incarceration in 1989. The other faction, the Sinaloa Cartel, also competes for control over Mexican drug trafficking. This has created a lot of bad blood and an extremely violent history between the two cartels, which has seen many people caught in the

Tijuana in Mexico has been torn asunder by drug gang warfare

with bribes or bullets.

Benjamín reinforced their operations in the 1990s by recruiting gang members from America and made David Barron head of the cartel’s enforcement sector. This secured the AFO with Barron’s countless American enforcers and helped establish a strong distribution network in the United States.

Despite their once strong position, however, it is questionable what the future holds for the high profile cartel.

Their problems started in 1993, during a catastrophic mix up, which resulted in Cardinal Posadas Ocampo being killed in an assassination attempt that was meant for the Sinaloa Cartel’s leader, Joaquín Guzmán Loera.

Ocampo’s murder resulted in a wave of hatred directed towards the AFO, who were now hated by most of Mexico as the stated Public Enemy Number One, thus becoming a priority of many government officials in Mexico.

Things went from bad to worse for the AFO, following their involvement in the assassination of Presidential candidate Luis Donaldo Colosio in 1994, which led to US President Clinton dispatching a task force in 1995 to specifically combat the AFO. With the death and incarcera-

tion in 2002 of Ramón and Benjamín respectively, and many other leading members being imprisoned or killed in the years that followed, the cartel has shown excellent resilience in its refusal to go down without a fight. To this day this is exemplified by the on-going drug war which has taken many lives and caused tens of thousands of Mexicans to give up on Tijuana and flee. The recent death of Francisco is therefore simply another casualty of war. Having endured the loss of leaders such as Benjamín and Ramón, the cartel has already proved that it is stronger than its individual parts. The centralised infrastructure of the AFO has proved many times now that it is a near impossible task for anyone to remove the influence of the cartels which plague Mexico’s streets, and this time it will be no different.

However, what is concerning are the possible repercussions that this masked assailant’s actions may have for the people of Tijuana, who could potentially face an exacerbated drug war as a result of retaliatory attacks by the AFO. The question on everyone’s lips, however, is will Mexico ever kick its drug problem?

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

17

Activities

facebook.com/bathimpact

LGBT - not just pickets and placards N

o, we’re not the ‘Lovable Group of Badger Trainers’, nor the ‘Lads and Girls Basketball Team’ (as we were once genuinely mistaken for). LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and we are one of the Diversity and Support groups here at the University. Most of you will be familiar with the rst three, but there is often a lot of confusion about what being trans actually means. Generally, it is an umbrella term to cover individuals whose gender identity (in other words, the way they think, feel and act) con icts with their biological sex.

One of the questions we get most frequently is ‘why do you need a group for that? Can’t you like, just be gay on your own?’ LGBT exists for a number of purposes - we’re in quite a unique position as we function as a support, social and campaign group.

When we say ‘support group’ it is not the stereotypical Alcoholic Anonymous type set up, where we all sit in a circle and take it in turns to stand up and declare “Hi, I’m ___ and I’m a lesbian”. Being LGBT often presents a set of speci c challenges and we offer support mechanisms for students who are having dif culties with their sexuality or gender. Anyone can con-

tact us con dentially at any time, and we’ll do everything we can to help.

Every week we hold a meeting covering a relevant topic (such as being LGBT in the workplace, or how LGBT people are portrayed in the media) and we often use these to speak about obstacles our members may face.

Each week after meetings, we head down to Bath’s gay pub Man-

dalyn’s to relax. Contrary to popular belief, our socials are not all about heading out and getting bungalowed.

Obviously there are socials where that is an option (namely our legendary ‘Bring a Straight Mate’), but on the whole we probably offer the most varied socials of any group. Whether you’d prefer our Sunday lunches (lovingly referred to as ‘Sungay

Lunches’), lm nights, cafe events or trips to pubs/clubs, we really try to put on events to cater to everyone.

With such incredible progress in recent years in LGBT rights, it is not uncommon to believe that we all have equal rights. Legally, there has been a lot of change, but changing the law doesn’t change attitudes. There is still a huge amount of work to be Benson Kua

Peter Brent bathimpact Contributor

done (particularly for trans equality). That is why the campaign side of our group exists. Last year we set up an e-mentoring scheme, where we provide con dential help to young people struggling with their sexuality or gender, and this year we have campaigns planned around ‘de-sexualising lesbians’ and trans issues. A common misconception is that when you join we will issue you with a rainbow ag and placard, and send you on your merry way to protest. There is no obligation to do anything. Campaigns are an important part of what we do, so any participation or input is valued, but not expected.

More than anything, we are what you make of us. There is never any pressure to get involved in any particular side, so if you just want to come to meetings if you’re only interested in the social side ,that is ne!

To nd out more info about what we do, sign up to our mailing list by emailing lgbt@bath.ac.uk, or sign up online from our bathstudent page.

You can also contact this email address con dentially at any time with any issues that you might be having.

There are no membership fees to join, and each week we will email out a newsletter detailing info about the week’s meeting, as well as any campaign or social news.

Poker Society is Ace

Calling all keen photographers!

You may currently have the preconceived notion that the Bath University Poker Society is just full of degenerate gamblers, betting away their student loans and drawing to the last few cards left in the deck, hoping to strike lucky and scoop a large pot. Whilst not completely devoid of these people, I can put your minds to rest, as most of our members are level-headed individuals who would never play beyond their means. The rush of bluf ng at a huge pot, reading player’s emotions and running deep in a tournament all adds to the appeal of poker, and while the glitz and glam of James Bond’s Casino Royale is something of a hyped-up, farfetched Hollywood story, one can’t help but feel enticed by such a simple card game.

At the Poker Society we aim to provide students a piece of this excitement through our weekly tournaments hosted every Thursday at 7pm in 4E 3.44. At these weekly tournaments league points

Fancy getting creative with your camera out and about in Bath ?

Images of Money

are awarded for everyone nishing in the top 20 per cent, in addition to handing out Amazon vouchers to the top three nishers.

These points contribute to a leader board whereby at the end of the year the top nine play off at the nal table for a chance to win some serious prizes. Last year saw a 32” LCD TV go to 1st, an Xbox 360 to 2nd, Ipod Nano for 3rd, Kindle 4th, and 5th to 9th received smaller prizes.

“Wait, what?! I bet you (no pun intended) need to pay a lot if you are giving that much away!” I hear you cry. Well you would be wrong; it will cost £10 to join the Poker Society, and for that you are entitled to enter all weekly tournaments held every Thursday throughout the year. If you haven’t played with us yet, we provide a trial where your rst tournament is free.

The Poker Society is unique in the way that it is run, as 90 per cent of our budget goes back to our members as prizes. Our next big event will be held on 16th November where we will host a longer format tournament and pizza buffet, with lots of Amazon vouchers to be given away. For more information join us on facebook. com/groups/bathunipokersoc14/ or email socs-poker@ lists.bath.ac.uk .

Whether you fancy yourself as a poker shark or a complete novice, at the society you will nd a range of abilities where we can all play poker in an unpressured, sociable and friendly environment. Good luck and hope to see you at the tables!

Then let your creativity ow and join in the fortnightly Photosoc competition! We will be announcing the theme via email and then give you one week to submit your photos to us, for the chance to win a £5 Plug voucher!

As well as the Plug voucher, we will be publishing your photos right here in bathimpact. As it has been so rainy recently, we have decided to make the most of the awful weather and make the theme for the first competition...reflections! As in puddles, mirrors, windows; anything goes really. Just a few ideas, but the rest is up to you! We look forward to hearing from you, and keep your eyes peeled for the competition results and the next theme!

For more information, you can contact the PhotoSoc committee via email on socs-photo@lists.bath.ac.uk, or join our Facebook group at www.facebook.com/ groups/BathPhotosoc/ PhotoSoc

Sam Yeo gets ushed when it comes to cards

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

19

Media

facebook.com/bathimpact

Meet the bathimpact dream-team Simon Rushton

Ben Charles Hooper

Editor-in-Cheif

bite Editor 1) I was told there were sandwiches; there were, in fact, sandwiches.

2) Fisting, cupping, fellatio 3b) I’m going to fall in love and live happily ever after *cough* with many a Filipino boy 4) I once tried to resuscitate a hamster, that had been squashed slightly by my brother, using only a straw and far too much breath; needless to say, the beasts’ ribs protruded forthwith from its abdomen

1) I joined media mainly for the ego boost associated with seeing your name in the newspaper.

2) I’m the boss 3c) Shakespeare.The plays are more dif cult to read than normal stuff and I really hate standing up to watch them. (However, after seeing Blackadder, I wouldn’t dare touch him.)

4) I’m the most dyslexic person ever to be Editor-in-Chief of bathimpact. Seriously, ask any of the team, I can’t words.

Poppy Carnegie-Peake Publicity and Distribution Of cer 1) Because I was told to. And the people are persuasive.

2) Publicity, Distribution, etc.

3) Horse sized duck every time, I can’t be dealing with swarms.

4) My bones are made from adamantium.

Gemma Isherwood Online Editor 1) Somebody bet me I couldn’t win an election for bathimpact. They were right, but I’m not one to back down.

2) Internet, tea, internet.

3c) Zaphod Beeblebrox. He’s great, don’t get me wrong, but he probably deserves it for something.

4) I once punched myself in the face in a nightclub and gave myself a black eye

Connor McGregor Morton Sport Editor 1) I joined media because I realised I wanted to exploit the massive amounts of cool things I could do at university .

2) I do Sports 3d) KFC bargain bucket, no fucking about.

4) From the ages of three to four, I wore a Captain Hook costume every day without fail.

Helen Edworthy News and Comment Editor 1) How I actually got into media is now a bit hazy, because it feels like I’ve been here forever.

2) Fun and stressful!

3b) My army of cats will not allow me to answer this question.

4) I am multiple screens of rage.

Also I like K-Pop.

Tom Ash Features Editor 1) Because Jon Gleave told me to.

2) Gin and tonic 3b) With 4 ex-wives and 23 illegitimate children 4) I killed a butter y once.

Tomos Evans Deputy Editor-in-Cheif

Questions: 1) I was forced to against my will. Turned out I bloody loved it.

2) Telling shit stories.

3b) On my own living with a dozen cats, with a huge left bicep, speaking Welsh to myself in the mirror.

4) I used to be on Google Street view. Dickheads deleted me.

Pedro Gomes Photography Editor 1) Can’t remember but the awesome couch made me stay.

2) Frame.Shoot.Upload.

3d) Don’t know but if it killed me, it wasn’t good 4) I’ve moved my furniture twice and I’m still not happy with it.

Gabriela Georgieva Design Editor 1) I joined Media because I have no social life.

2) Creative, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Dope 3a) I’d rather be attacked by you, if you know what I’m getting at?

4) I’m a Sex God!

1) Why did you join media?

2) Describe your job in 3 words.

3) a) Would you rather be attacked by a horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses? b) Romantically where do you see yourself in 5 years? c) Which historical character would you punch? d) What would your last meal be?

4) A fun fact about you.

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

21

Sport

facebook.com/bathimpact

Will Vettel overtake Schumacher?

A

fter driving to a commanding victory in the Indian Grand Prix, Sebastian Vettel won a fourth consecutive F1 World Championship. Aged 26, Vettel said he is “overwhelmed” to be only the fourth person to achieve this accolade – Michael Schumacher, Alain Prost and Juan Manuel Fangio were the others.

A man of voracious talent, Vettel became BMW Sauber’s third driver after Robert Kubica replaced the departing Jacques Villeneuve in the 2006 Hungarian Grand Prix. On his testing debut, the 19 year-old topped the timesheets in the second practice session.

After Kubica suffered a serious crash at the 2007 Canadian Grand Prix, the young German nally got his chance to race in the highest motorsport. Starting an impressive seventh, Vettel drove well to become the youngest driver ever to score championship points.

Released to drive for Toro Rosso, Vettel crashed into Mark Webber on the rain-sodden Japanese track, prompting Webber to tell an ITV reporter: “It’s kids isn’t it… kids with not enough experience.” In mixed conditions, Vettel powered from 17th to 4th in China – a best for both himself and his new team.

The 2008 season allowed Vettel to prove his talents, calmly driving his inferior Toro Rosso to an astounding pole position and fabulously winning the Italian Grand Prix.

In 2009, Vettel replaced the retiring David Coulthard at Red Bull, pairing him with Mark Webber.

Sebastian brought his RB5 to the team’s rst win in China. Thanks to his 2008 win for Toro Rosso, Vettel is the young driver ever to win for two different teams. With four wins, Vettel nished second to the

triumphant Jenson Button in the championship.

The following year was a controversial season. Both Red Bulls ordained with new front wings in Silverstone. When Vettel’s new wing collapsed, the team transferred Webber’s sole surviving wing to his teammate’s car. The difference in their qualifying times was almost equal to Red Bull’s estimates of the upgrade’s advantage. Mark Webber was considerably unhappy in the post-qualifying press confer-

ence, slamming his water glass on the table. The rivalry between the two drivers came to saturate press coverage. Rather than dominating the 2010 season, Vettel only took the championship with a powerful drive at the nal race in Abu Dhabi.

This title meant Vettel supplanted Lewis Hamilton as the youngest F1 World champion.

In the following three seasons, Red Bull delivered a competitive car to their two drivers. The 2012 season was very close, with only Michael Elleray

Anthony Masters impactsport Contributor

three points between Sebastian and Fernando Alonso. Despite often starting near the front, Vettel showed considerable abilities for recovery drives. In the 2012 UAE race, Vettel was demoted to the pit lane, but still stood on the podium.

Being spun round at the opening corners of Brazil didn’t stop Vettel taking his Red Bull to a great 6th place, and thus his third world championship.

Sebastian Vettel has often demonstrated that he drives according to the needs of his car. Despite the considerable speed of his Red Bull, Vettel is required to nurse the car to the nish line. Thanks to the sport’s development, exhaust gases are used to augment the car’s downforce. Vettel has utilised this ability far more than Webber; driving graceful and precise lines through corners whilst applying the throttle early.

Vettel has collected points, trophies and records; it is the majestic union between man and machine that makes him a Formula One legend. The young Sebastian was inspired by the triumphs of Michael Schumacher. It was assumed, by fans and commentators alike, that Schumacher’s accomplishments would never be bested. With many years left in Vettel, they may be wrong.

Tai Speeds his way to being champ Michael Powell impactsport Contributor

M

as reserve for Poole Pirates in the Elite league for the last few meetings of the 2007 season. Wof nden enjoyed another successful year with the Rockets in 2008, as well as becoming British Under-21 champion.

These performances saw him sign for the Elite League team the Wolverhampton Wolves in 2009 where he has remained since following constant improvements in his yearly performances.

Despite this, at the start of the

Loco Steve

ost of you have probably never heard of Tai Wof nden. However, at the start of October, the 23 year old from Scunthorpe became Speedway world champion following a sixthplace nish in the Polish GrandPrix. His achievements saw him become just the eighth Brit to win the world championship and the rst since Mark Loram achieved the feat in 2000.

Wof nden’s career started in 2006 when he joined his local team, the Scunthorpe Scorpions in the Conference League. Once he turned 16, he made a guest appearance for the Shef eld Tigers in the Premier League.

In 2007, Wof nden returned to the Scorpions whilst also completing a season-long loan with Rye House Rockets in the Premier League.

Impressive performances saw Wof nden given a chance to ride

Tai Wof nden broke his collar-bone twice this season and still went on to win the championship

2013 world championship season, Wof nden was a rank outsider for the title, with the favourites coming from traditional speedway powerhouses such as Poland, Australia, Denmark and Russia. The previous three world champions; Chris Holder, Greg Hancock and Tomasz Gollob were also looking to add to their world titles.

A strong start to the 12-race season with three top 7 nishes saw Wof nden lying in 4th place in the world championship after the opening three rounds. This was followed by a stunning victory in the Czech Republic grand prix, which lifted him to just 1 point behind early championship leader, Russian, Emil Sayfutdinov.

A disappointing home race saw Wof nden crash and break his collar bone, resulting in a 9th place nish. Injuries are common in such a high-speed sport though, and incredibly, the Brit recovered to compete in the rst Polish race of the year just two weeks later. A stunning evening saw him take a podium nish, followed by a 6th place in Denmark.

Despite the impressive results, Sayfutdinov had been even better, claiming victory in three of the rst 6 events, giving him a 13 point championship lead following the Danish race. Things turned around at the start of August though. A fantastic meeting in Italy saw Wof nden take 4 victories and 18 points on the night in a 2nd placed nish, and this was followed by another podium in Latvia, whilst Sayfutdi-

nov could only manage 10th. This gave Wof nden a 3-point lead in the championship with just 3 races left, and his title hopes were given a massive boost with news that Sayfutdinov would miss the rest of the season due to injury. This meant Wof nden’s nearest rival was Pole, Jaroslaw Hampel, who was a full 21 points behind the Brit. A 2nd place nish in the Slovenian Grand-prix extended Wof nden’s lead to 22 points and despite a disappointing day in Sweden, where he could only manage 10th, he had a 16 point advantage ahead of the nal grandprix.

Amazingly, Wof nden broke his collar bone again, but was able to compete in the season nale where Hampel took a ne third. However, a sixth-place nish was ne for Wof nden, and saw him take the crown by 9 points from the Pole, with Dane Niels-Kristian Iversen nishing the season in third, 19 points adrift of the Brit.

Despite just claiming one victory during the season, compared to Sayfutdinov and Hampel’s three, Wof nden’s consistency was vital in claiming the title. The Brit nished outside the top 7 on just two occasions throughout the season, and claimed 5 podiums in all. The victory saw Wof nden become the youngest world champion in the modern era, and rounded off an incredible season which also saw him claim the British championship, making him the rst person to claim both titles in the same calendar year.

22

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

Sport

facebook.com/bathimpact

Simone Remella

Sports of Clowns and Kings Ben Cochrane impactsport Contributor

F

ootball is a gentleman’s sport played by ruf ans, Rugby is a ruf an’s sport played by gentlemen – Anon. Apart from having a strange name, Anon knew what he/she/it was talking about.

Football is a game that requires kicking a ball about with chums.

That’s basically it. A receptionist’s job requires typing AND talking to people, so you can see why there is a £5 million difference between their salaries. But that’s for another time. Basically football, on paper, is a very civilised sport as there is very little contact.

Rugby requires running into other people with the aim of breaking through them and conversely the stopping of other people using your body. Rugby, on paper, is therefore brutal. If I tried to run through someone in town say, I’d be arrested. Mostly because I would probably kill someone with my unbelievable physique. So why is it legal, and often applauded, when done on a bit of grass with two funny looking poles at each end? Sport, that’s why. Sport.

If you apply logic to this, which should be easy as this is a sciencebased university – sorry Sports Perferomerererancers (as you like to be called) – then rugby should attract brutes and football should attract people who like to use the word ‘chum’.

However you often nd that this is not the case. Footballers, on the whole, are pathetic fuckwitted dicks who swear profusely at each other and the referee, have tantrums every other minute because they’re big wusses, screw each other’s wives, mothers, brothers, ofce chairs and spend more time on

The Italian rugby team try to stop the Welsh team with the utmost respect during the Six Nations the ground than they do doing the thing that makes them in excess of £100,000 a week.

Rugby players, on the pitch, are polite, good, kind people who listen to the referee, who is often comically half their size. They respect the other team and will often have drinks with them afterwards.

What’s more they will sign autographs for young, aspiring players and will shake each other’s hands, even if they have been twats, which obviously they haven’t because they’re rugby players.

Off the pitch, however, things change a bit. Rugby players can drink a lot, and I mean a lot. Rugby players are the size of a horse.

Horses drink a lot, why? Because they have huge penises. That is why some people have big penises and some don’t. I don’t need to drink that much, and I’m ne with that.

As rugby players can drink so much, they get very drunk. When people get drunk, that’s when dwarves get tossed. I’ll come on to

that later. When people get drunk, they lose control of their limbs. A rugby player’s arm is generally the same diameter as your head. Therefore if a rugby player’s arm hits you it’s like someone head butting you.

Rugby players, like most sportspeople, have a sense of humour and so like to play practical jokes on their teammates and sometimes the Prime Minister. However, everything about a rugby player is bigger and therefore their practical jokes get bigger and far, far more impressive. For instance Andy Powell, a Welsh international, stole a golf cart and started driving down a motorway in it. Manu Tuilagi jumped off a boat in New Zealand and Mike Tindall cheated on the 15th in line to the throne. Football players shag prostitutes and other people’s wives. What Mike Tindall did, although wrong, was far classier.

Rugby players get disciplined far more often than footballers too.

It is not because they do more stuff

that is wrong or stuff that is worse, it’s because there is an ethos in rugby that is far stronger than the one in football. If you don’t agree with me then watch how the players in rugby treat the referee, then watch how footballers do so. Footballers are dicks. Dicks who occasionally do stuff for charity - because what else are they meant to do with £100,000 a week - but dicks nonetheless.

Perhaps rugby players should calm down more off the pitch, but who hasn’t tossed a dwarf or jumped off a boat or given the PM bunny ears? It’s young people being young people? Go to XL and have a look round there. Loads of young people having fun, rugby players just tend to be more inventive and therefore more interesting the Mr Joe Bloggs. But rugby players are polite and respectful when they need to be: on the pitch. And anyway who needs to be polite when they meet David Cameron, he’s a bit of a cock.

The Bath Sitec series starts Emily Hogge, Tri Chair on the opening Sitec Bath Run and Amy Johnson taking third in 21.36.

In the team competition football - with 12 competitors finishing in the top half of the field dominated, taking first prize.

Overall it was a fantastic morning of racing. It was lovely to see so many smiling faces out on the

course enjoying the sunshine.

It was great to watch local runners competing against students from a wide range of sporting teams. Whether competing for the win or taking part in their first race all the competitors crossed the line tired but happy.

We would like to thank our

sponsors, Sitec, Total Fitness Bath, Nuun, and Andy Lewis (massage therapist) for their support. We look forward to seeing you at the next Sitec Run Series event on the 1st December 2013.

All information can be found at www.bathstudent.com/sport/ clubs/triathlon/runseries/

Bath SU

W

ith the sun shining, the wind blowing and the scene set, the Sitec Bath Run Series got off to a great start on Sunday the 27th.

The event this week was a five kilometre run, and a great number of runners (along with 79 runners from Bath) who were all keen to get going. The race got underway at 10am, and the competition was fierce, with Steve Curtis, Calum Fraser and Dave Freeman crossing the line within a minute of each other in 18.12, 18.25 and 18.32 minutes respectively.

With mini battles appearing throughout the field the competitors continued to stream across the finish line with sports teams competing to prove their dominance. In the women’s competition Ellie Davies stormed to victory in a time of 20.35, with Hattie Rogers coming in second in 21.30

Morton’s Mumbles & Moans

W

hen I announced to my friends at home that I was Sport Editor, the rst reaction for all of them, bar none, was a loud “ha” followed by lots of other “Has” in various amounts. This is because I was fairly notorious at not being very into my sport, mainly Football, Rugby or Cricket- the big three for England. I used to run a lot, but I really failed at following team sports in any way. So, as I am now the Editor for the sports section of this paper, I have decided to amend this by actually trying to follow the most popular of the big three sports, Football.

The main reason for this is that I have never, ever been any good at any of these sports, which is a massive hindrance on my enjoyment of watching it, and I actively avoided playing it as much as possible, because an inability to even make a simple tackle or pass the ball without chipping it into a curve into the sky really causes one to give up completely.

Now, I was born in Southampton, and have actually been to see the Saints play a few times, mainly due to my enthusiastic uncle and cousins , and always felt the “fucking come on” factor when there, but I was never enticed enough to follow an entire season. So, it’s the natural decision for me to follow the Saint’s season. (Luckily for me, they are doing pretty goddamn well this year.)

To try and ease myself into it, I decided the best way for me to make myself pay attention is to gamble on some of the matches, and as I was in Exeter for my mate’s 21st at the weekend, and we went to watch a match, and I foolishly bet on Exeter to win, and my entire one pound accumulator was squandered, even after the joy I felt after Man U managed to claw their way back into a win.

Hungover and down a pound, how horrendous.

I never went to see a football match in person before I could drink, and this may have been a massive hitch in the enjoyment; beer facilitates a good time no matter where one is, and I am certainly much more inclined to joint in with chants I don’t know, and call the referee a wanker as loudly as possible when I’ve had a few.

So, I will continue to follow the Saints this season, and hopefully actually manage to have a slight idea about any players or such on the team by the end of the season.

I feel I have an unfair advantage in staying in tune with the players though; most of my mates only know players names due to Fifa, I’m sure of it. Having never been interested in football, I have never played the game, and thus I have been left in the dust by my friends at the game, and I’m sure as hell not going to play a game I’m certain to lose.U ntil next time, folks!

Monday 4th November 2013

bathimpact

23

Sport

facebook.com/bathimpact

Is it time for Fed to hand in his balls?

Thomas George Brady impactsport Contributor

H

specimen with the ability to generate a frankly ridiculous amount of weight on his shots. However, the hulking Mallorcan has been joined in the uppermost echelons of the game by Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray, and it is these three, dragging with them the likes of David Ferrer and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, who have gradually but unquestionably eroded the great man’s power. The golden era of male tennis seems to have outstripped the man who brought it about.

Federer has increasingly found it dif cult to cope with the ripping topspin generated by his younger rivals, particularly on his backhand side.

The physical aspect of the game also appears to be taking its toll on the 32 year old. No longer can he dictate play whenever he likes with his forehand; the likes of Murray and Djokovic return the ball with interest, and the capability to play 40 more balls of the same tempo and depth. This is not something Federer has ever had to contend with, and it seems to be proving too

Carine06

sacks08

e arrived on the scene as a pony-tailed post-adolescent, in possession of a repertoire of shot making never before seen in the tennis world. Once he developed the capacity to temper his undoubted gift with measured consistency to match, several years of consistent dominance at the pinnacle of the game ensued.

But now it seems Roger Federer’s star is on the wane. Ignominious defeats at the hands of Sergiy Stakhovsky and Spanish journeyman Tommy Robredo at this year’s Wimbledon and US Open have seen him plummet to number 7 in the world. It seems the phrase ‘he has one more slam in him’ has been used increasingly in the last few years; the question is, is there a fragment of truth in this statement anymore, or is this the end of the road for the Swiss maestro?

There was a time when Federer’s unmatched foot speed, lethal groundstrokes and unerringly accurate serve produced a combination

that was virtually unplayable. Sheer numbers attest to this stranglehold on the men’s game.

He has amassed 17 Grand Slam singles titles in his illustrious career, reached a staggering 33 consecutive major semi- nals, and is the only male player in history to be both champion and runner up at every Grand Slam. Such was his hegemony that some of the most talented players of the last two decades such as David Nalbandian and Marat Sa n were much of the time reduced to mere also-rans in major competition.

On the back of such phenomenal success, Federer led the transition of men’s tennis into one of the most prominent sports on the global stage, ushering in an era of professionalism and arguably unrivalled all-round athleticism.

Which brings us to the present day. As mentioned, the man from Basel nds himself at world number 7, no longer considered as one of the ultimate favourites at the Slams.

His monopoly was broken initially

by Rafa Nadal, a sheer physical

Sergiy Stakhovsky defeated Federer at this year’s Wimbledon much for him. Further, with age comes an inevitable slowing down of the re exes, perhaps even a slight decline in the desire to travel endlessly, playing events across the world.

Having said all of this, we must remember the unprecedented brilliance of men’s tennis at this moment in time is largely down to Roger Federer.

He set a benchmark for others to

come and challenge, and for nearly a decade, no one was up to it. The fact that his inevitable decline is only coming now only further attests to his greatness. Will he win one more slam? Probably not. Is his time as a major force at the absolute pinnacle of the game at an end?

Regrettably yes. But this should not detract in any way from the legacy of arguably the greatest athlete of a generation.

Bath foils Aberystwyth’s plan to win O

n 23rd October, the Bath men’s fencing 1st team braved the long and lonely road through Mid Wales to do battle in Aberystwyth. The team of ve, depleted by the unfortunate absence of two of their sabre fencers, had to get up bright and early for what was sure to be a long day. After a four hour drive through the hilly Welsh landscapes, they arrive at Aberystwyth in good spirits, with the aim to take the match as convincingly as possible in order to cement their position in the league after the previous week’s win against Cardiff.

Aberystwyth greeted the Bath team with a level of hospitality that is rarely seen in matches between universities. The Aber captain bravely offered Bath the choice of weapon order and which side of the hall they would take, no doubt con dent that a seemingly understrength team would not pose a signi cant threat.

Bath captain Tom Ash snapped up the opportunity, choosing the side

of the piste that would put the sun in the opposition’s eyes.

Aberystwyth may, however, have regretted their magnanimity when the entire troupe of Bath fencers proceeded to equip themselves in full GB or Commonwealth kit. The weapon order was arranged such that Bath would fence their weakest weapon, foil, rst and their strongest, épée, last.

With only one specialist foil fencer on the team, Bath’s épéeists had to step up to the mark: alongside the captain, new recruit Tom ‘Teddles’ Edwards was selected to try his hand at foil. He did not disappoint, demolishing the opposition in ne style.

Ash did not fare quite so admirably, but nevertheless managed to complete his legs of the relay with giving the farm away. Meanwhile, Bath’s resident foilist Matt Hale, not wishing to be outshone by the interlopers in his weapon team, anchored the foil to an overall 45-34 victory with solid wins over much physically larger opposition.

Due to the absence of Hale’s Commonwealth teammates in the sabre (Williams and Hudson), both he and Ash were required to take up the gauntlet, alongside rst year sabreur Stuart Scott. Hale was successful in incorporating a level of controlled aggression from his foil style into his sabre fencing, and came away unscathed. Meanwhile Ash, keen to make up for his failings in the foil, took to the eld of play with a series of long attacks to hand with which Aber seemed unable to cope. Needless to say, Scott was rampant on the piste, dropping no more than a single hit per ght and seeing the sabre leg out 45-25.

Bath only needed 14 hits to win by the time it was the épéeists’ turn to fence but, determined to nish on a high, the challenge was laid down to not let Aber get into double gures this time. Ash and Edwards were joined in this endeavour by Will Germany, yet another new recruit. Germany, determined to impress, only dropped two hits across his three ghts. With Ash dropping

four, it was left to Edwards, starting the nal leg at 40-9, to post a clean sheet. Sadly, he failed to do, giving a nal score of 45-11 and 135-70 overall in favour of Bath.

Speaking after the match, team captain Tom Ash commented, “I am very proud of the guys’ perform-

ances today, especially after such a long journey up. Our target for the season is to win the league and be promoted, so every win is important. Furthermore, it bodes well for future seasons that such a young team is posting these kinds of results already.”

Pedro Gomes

Adrian Lewis impactsport Contributor

The Fencing team practicing for their various recent successes

impactsport Monday 4th November 2013

Bath Fencing team Vs Aberystwyth, page 23

Kite surfers get wet & wild Kite-Sur ng had one hell of a Weekend at Zero2Hero

G

olly gosh, that was a big one! Some riders from Bath University have just got back from the 2013 Zero2Hero Kitesur ng event and boy was it good. It tore up all the record books and has cemented its place in history as the largest Student Kitesur ng Association (SKA) Beginners Weekend ever hosted. The weather gods smiled on us with sun and wind squeezing a whole weekend rain into a short convenient half an hour slot.

Friday night saw 80 guests arrive including some of our members who were running the event.

As they hit the hay ready for a huge Saturday something went bump in the night! Some sneaky thieves from Exeter tried to steal a bunk bed with a sleeping beauty already in it, the weekend was off and running!

SATURDAY Whilst the 6.30am wake up call was not well appreciated, the excitement of the event kept us all motivated.

At the beach we arrived to nd tunes pumping and the wind picking up, it almost seemed too good to be true. We were then greeted by another consignment of guests making a total of 150 people including 76 beginners, a truly staggering sight !

After a graceful introduction

by SKA President and Bath student, the rst set of beginners were sent off with instructors to get their teeth into our sport. They all jumped straight on the foils and re-

ally cracked on with learning how to control the kites, all groups in both morning and afternoon sessions made excellent progress.

Whilst the wind was low the SKA hosted the return of Super Sporty Board-sports and Water-sports Sports Day! This year everyone really brought their A-game and there was no mercy in competition between Bawbags, Shreddies, BUKS and BUKS.2! Friendships were broken and people may never talk again after the erce rivalry during the games; but after some tears and a lot of laughter BUKS.2 managed to bring it home for the win.

In the afternoon the wind picked up, the sun came out and almost all of our free riders were out shredding up the waves until the beach was nearly all gone and it was time pack up…

SATURDAY NIGHT The section that comes before part B, the infamous Zero2Hero PartA! The warriors all turned out in force with Ninjas, Cowboys & Indians, Gladiators, Pirates, Cavemen and a certain Barbie girl! With Rube Boy, Mr. Sim and DJ Moon banging out the tracks the party kicked off.

Goytre Valley’s Bargain Beverages and fantastic decoration by Flexifoil and Supersaturated, this night was going to be one to try and remember! Check out the pictures on Facebook to get the full story…

SUNDAY So it turns out PartB is a hor-

ri c headache, but after some fresh Welsh air and a bacon role the only cure left was to get in the water! The wind was perfect but for many it took some real effort to pump those kites and get stuck in!

The beginners had their second lot of three hour lessons, however,

the wind was too strong to put any LEI’s in the air so they played games on the foils and were taught how to rig the LEI’s ready to jump into the water next time!

The SKA free riders were smashing it showing off their skills and bails in some of the best conditions we have seen in a while, with team riders from Flexifoil showing us how it’s done.

A big thank you to everyone that came along for making last weekend so fantastic, all of us here at BUKS HQ had a cracking time! We would like to give a massive thank you to the Student Kitesur ng Association (SKA) for throwing such a fantastic weekend and all those that made it possible: Flexifoil, University of Supersaturated, The BKSA, Blast Kiteboarding, DJLee Events and JWGmedia. That’s it for now but COMING UP NEXT - GO HIGH OR GO HOME Bath take on the rest of the UK Universities in the largest freestyle Kitesur ng competition in the UK. Can we claim the trophy from Exeter? After a 1st place in the summer SKA nationals hopes are high.

If you think you have got what it takes to compete get in contact at president@studentkitesur ngco.uk

Inside impactsport Vettel is the king of the racecourse impactsport Contributor Anthony Masters takes a look at the impressive career of F1 driver Sebastian Vettel Page 21 has the full story

Wof nden doesn’t Tai, he takes the title impactsport Contributor Michael Powell looks at the impressive career of Tai Woffinden, the youngest modern speedway champion Turn to page 21 to read it all

Fans love to misbehave more than the sport impactsport Contributor Ben Cochrane talks about the contrast between fans of various sports and Turn to page 22 for more

Bath Sitec Run Series Kicks off with a great start Bath Triathlon team chair Emily Hogge talks about the Sitec Bath Run Series that the tri team took part in page 22 has the full story

Has Federer truly got one more title in him? impactsport Contributor Thomas George Brady talks about Federer’s career, and looks at his disappointing season so far page 23 has the full story

Get involved If you are interested in sport and want to contribute, then contact impactsport Editor Connor McGregor Morton (impactsport@bath.ac.uk) to find out more details about how you can get involved.

We’re always looking for writers, photographers, people to take part, or just all round sports buffs to help out. So, if you have a story you want to share, don’t be afraid to get in touch!

bite SevillaErnie

Conspiracy

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

2

meligrosa

Here’s Russell Brand riding his bike with Katy Perry in tow, one thing’s for sure, they ain’t votingAxim dis comnihi cilique re

Russel Brand pissed off the entire world this week as he decided that voting was well shit - we at bite think that Robert Webb was probably right, he should be careful but we still like his hair

EDITORIAL Overheard:

quotes from campus: “Zombies would never take control because they have no knowledge of economics” “wait was it Julia or Julius...?”

“I’d never even seen him with clothes on”

is

This weeks them Conspiracy and Plot.

We explore everything and anything to do with conspiracy, check out the lead article on page three, a brilliant lm conspiracy article on page eleven and look at Morrissey’s life of conspiracy on page seven.

A completely unrelated album about Rabbits is also good, turn to page thirteen

Note from the editor:

_Max-B

I recently invested in Tinder, as many people are, if you haven’t already and you’re into appearances, do it. It’s basically a platform for people to boost their egos by seeing how many people fancy them, as if people giving you the eye isn’t enough. It’s just what facebook was in its ‘purest form’.

Anyway, get involved in the vanity

So, it seems whenever I write about under the guise of a theme, it actually has one resounding undertone. Well, resounding might be a strong word, melange? Yes, malange is better, it sounds like something wobbly and easy for four year olds to ear.

This undertone is Control. I think my monotony is justi ed, because without this, I’d be writing about things that I’d taken time to study intellectually and not acquired in some other fashion, this would probably not be of a visceral manner, but rather conspiratous (that’s a new word) and plotty (or plot ridden for those who don’t like me making up words.) So, why don’t I do this I hear you cry through my uncontrollable Navi-from-Avatar like neuro connection to everything bathimpact.

WELL, it’s because I don’t actually believe anything of worth comes from such passionless pursuits, so in everything I do, I collect all this information that has contributed to all the bitterness and hatred within my scriptures. This week bite is trying to celebrate on of the best festivals Blighty has to offer, mostly because, it’s speci cally ours, many nations have their own festivals, but not quite as many represent such an event; steeped in nationalist and religious zeal, with lots of feelings of vengeance and fear thrown in. bite tries not to stick too closely to its themes, as it doesn’t like to limit itself. So this isn’t all about November 5th, OH NO. So let’s explore my regular theme, control. When thinking about what it is to conspire, to plot, our minds perhaps go rst to things such as attacks of terror, the Gunpowder Plot, 9/11, the Lockerby bombing and many more. This is discussed on page three by fellow Anthony Masters. I’m going to speak a little about how these things enter our lives on a daily basis. My story, started sometime in late 2006. It was getting towards winter and I was just winding down from one of the wildest summers of my life, since moving to Newquay that summer I’d been somewhat cut off from all the friends I’d so abruptly abandoned. One of the aforementioned, once dear friend turned family man (still loved and missed) sent me an email, well, it appeared to be him who’d sent this email, but wait, it was confusing, there were various adverts and slogans and little bits and bobs to click (ooh how lovely) it read something like this: “Dear Ben, you have been tagged in a photo by a friend on facebook” at the time, the word facebook looked odd, unfamiliar and as peculiar as the word peculiar itself. I gave the rst few emails no thought, just brushing them off as spam. That probably seems rather hard to believe now, but remember back then, the whole internet thing was still pretty new to us all, so the concept of ‘tagging’ was alien and the idea of social networking wasn’t a thing. Eventually, I caved, I remember it, I followed the link and I arrived on a little blue page asking me to ll in some personal details – at the time I don’t remember being too sceptical and I quite relished the ideas of seeing some photos, from about the age of 2 there are only school photos of me, a few holiday snaps, maybe around forty and then about fty or so pictures of me from the ages of sixteen to twenty-one (December 2006) then, something changed, suddenly… people had a reason to take photos, more importantly they had a medium upon which to share them. I was delighted to see a few pictures from a night out with my former work colleagues from C&G and then befriended Dan, and, there my tale began. Since then, I’ve been guilty of and privy to the exhibiting of self. The sanctity of photography is lost, going out to get pissed no longer seems to be about living in the intoxicated moment, no we all have to make sure we’re looking tip top for the entry bit at second bridge. Now, there’s an abundance of reasons to sully the name of facebook and all that comes with it, so let us address my view on its effects in general. I believe it is entirely up to the user to make facebook what it is, not being on facebook means being doomed to the dark age of communication and being on it means you’re stuck with at least a little bullshit. More speci cally, facebook has taken away many old forms of conspiracy and given us new ones. It is harder to cheat on your partner now (On page thirteen Edie will tell you how to get around this) yet it’s easier to meet potential cheating buddies. It has also given the ability of others to conspire against us in the form of identity theft. So there are dangers, there are many reasons to detest it, and my life was probably better without it but still, it’s just not worth the effort. It’s not even a thing and probably the most signi cant and damaging effect it has is that people idly scroll down their walls, day in day out instead of otherwise persuing human interaction, sitting at home wasn’t an option of interaction was what you wanted in the past – now it is.

facebook.com/bathimpact

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

3

facebook.com/bathimpact

twin towers dfbphotos

Minestrone controlls global nance

Each time a Scream mask was purchased a child in Africa was plunged into a world in which they were actually this mask, they were then sold on the international market Written by Anthony Masters

T

here’s a conspiracy theory about everything and they’re almost the modern equivalent of ghost stories’, said Mark Gatiss, writing for the BBC’s Sherlock. Rather than stories of ickering lights, creaking oorboards and lingering spirits, we now weave tales of invisible demolitions, clandestine councils and labyrinthine plots.

A conspiracy theory is the attribution to secretive action where far more plausible and public explanations exist. Political scientist Michael Barkun identi ed three categories: event conspiracy theories, systemic conspiracy theories and super-conspiracy theories. Conspiracies are no longer cultivated like mould in cold, dark basements, but nd shelter with journalists, academics and parliamentarians.

The rst category concerns theories about events, where hidden forces are said to have instigated that event. The archetypal event conspiracy theory surrounds the assassination of John F. Kennedy. It is asserted that Oswald’s second shot had an impossible trajectory – the so-called ‘magic bullet’. For the conspiracist, this ‘magic bullet’ immolates the of cial version, so darker explanations may rise from the ashes. Later forensic analysis found Oswald’s shots were certainly possible.

The September 11th terrorist attacks have attracted a phenomenal number of conspiracies. The hail of ‘magic bullets’ centres on four supposed impossibilities; calls from the hijacked aircraft, the hole in the Pentagon was too small, the collapse of the Twin Towers could not be caused by re, and the fate of Building 7.

Dylan Avery in Loose Change believes that the phone calls from the hijacked aircraft must have been manufactured. Loose Change

demonstrates how many people believe something, as long as it’s backed by sinister music.

Many of the calls were from the airplane’s Airfone service, and a 2004 study by Bill Strauss on mobile calls showed they were “regularly made from commercial aircraft.”

American academic David Ray Grif n asked poignantly: “Is it not absurd to suggest that a Boeing 757 created and then disappeared into such a small hole?” David Aaronovitch, in his book Voodoo Histories, argues that this thinking is informed by Tom & Jerry cartoons, where Tom breaks through a wall, leaving his pro le – complete with whiskers – in the brick. There is overwhelming evidence that Flight 77 smashed into the Pentagon: almost all of its passengers were identi ed and large parts of the plane were found, alas no whiskers.The demolition theory would necessitate that the Twin Towers were lled with an explosive powerful enough to collapse the buildings, but inert enough to not be activated by the impact of an airliner or burning aviation fuel. Their collapse, rather than being an ‘unanswered question’, has been greatly studied by structural engineers.

Comedian Bill Maher’s show was once interrupted by shouts of “What happened to Building 7, Bill?” My name isn’t Bill, it’s Anthony, anywho, debris from the North Tower’s collapse started a re in Building 7. There was little water available to its sprinkler system, due to the re- ghter’s focus on the Twin Towers, so it burned unrestrained for about seven hours. The east penthouse crumbled, dragging the rest of Building 7 down. There are even stranger conspiracies than this. Former MI5 desk operative David Shayler believes no planes were involved, “they were missiles

surrounded by holograms made to look like planes”. The technology to produce near-perfect photographable holograms does not exist.

If it did, it would be used to project a women saying “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”

There are event conspiracy theories emanating from the deaths of Princess Diana and weapons expert Dr David Kelly. An obsession of the Daily Express, it is purported that Princess Diana was assassinated. This is an ineffective way to assassinate someone: slightly drunk chauffeurs don’t always crash, crash victims don’t always die – it’s hardly a watertight hit. It would have been more poetic to have baked her a land mine cake and been done with it.

Dr Kelly was apparently killed by an Iraqi hit squad via a surreptitious succinylcholine poisoning. There was no evidence of such poisoning, but it is the plot of Tom Clancy’s, The Teeth of The Tiger. The favourite suspicion for conspiracists is that none of Dr Kelly’s belongings near his body held his undistorted ngerprints. The Met Of ce con rms that it rained in Oxfordshire the night Dr Kelly’s corpse was in the woodland. There is joy to be reaped from undermining conspiracies with mundane explanations.When there are no magic bullets in their ammunition, conspiracists will often ask ‘qui bono?’ Who bene ts? But merely bene tting from an event doesn’t mean the bene ciaries instigated said event, nor could they have known they would be bene ciaries beforehand.

Systemic conspiracy theories argue that a secretive organisation in ltrates existing institutions to gain control. These theories are often similar, regardless of whether it is the

Illuminati, the Freemasons, international communists or capitalists. The whole media is usually assumed under control. As an Illumanti agent, the pay is non-existent and the life insurance policy doesn’t cover tinfoil strangulation or succinylcholine poisoning. I’ll see what the Brotherhood of Evil Hedge-Fund Managers is offering.

Super-conspiracy theories believe many conspiracies are all true and are meshed together. Prominent super-conspiracy theorists include radio-host Alex Jones and David Icke.

According to Icke, world events are shaped by a species of inter-dimensional shape-shifting reptilians, which are controlling the human race using the Moon. The conspiracist’s nal vestige is that some theories were discovered to be true. This does not validate the conspiratorial method – the search for impossibilities, the inversion of probabilities, and the insinuations – since it fails so regularly. The fact that Richard Nixon bugged the Watergate Hotel does not lend credence to the idea the Queen is a lizard. Or that the King is the Moon, or that Princess Di was actually a land mine.

The question is: Why do so many people believe in conspiracy theories? It partly arises from apophenia, identifying patterns even when there are none. It may come from an epistemic bias to believe major events must have major causes. Conspiracies often centre upon a divide between the ‘elites’ who carve history and the rest of us who meekly follow the shaped paths. Psychologists consider that conspiracy theorists may prefer believing that the world is sculpted by demonic cabals than the alternative: We are spinning and gliding through space on a planet with seven billion other people in the most wondrous chaos.

4

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

Gay of Thrones

facebook.com/bathimpact

Written by Barnaby Lamper

H

modomatic

ow have we gotten to a point when a story is spoilt as the seemingly kindly lord is la- formula itself. However, crushed at the bottom ploits is that they are the refreshing sorbet in my story can be described as ‘Generic Fan- belled as sinister before he has even spoken. We of the library by the inheritance cycles and dark narrative feast as they pay no heed to the formutasy’? I noticed this over the weekend tend to consider this ‘Generic Fantasy’ to be the aterials you can nd the occasional gem. One of la. It astounded me that Max enters a world that when a friend of mine was trying to convince only base of a Fantasy novel and so most of such my favourite series is the “Echo Chronicles” by has no looming evil as the magical world war, ction can now be divided into those that follow Svetlana Martynchik regarding Max, an unem- normally the main storyline, is nished before me, misguidedly, that Game of Thrones has a structured plot. “Well, at least it’s not Generic the formula and those that subvert it to appear ployed layabout as he is transported to the magi- Max’s arrival and I spent the rst book fruitlessly Fantasy.” he said and this has been bugging me “edgy” but, pitiably, are just the antithesis to the cal city of Echo. The reason I cherish Max’s ex- awaiting its return. Also it took me two books to admit that Sir Juf n Hully, Max’s because I know exactly what he meant. “father gure”, brought him to A story in a fantasy world should be as unEcho with no evil designs or ulteinhibited as the human imagination but when rior motives but purely because he we hear “fantasy” we can pretty much quote was bored. the plot: a young every-man is taken from his Time and time again the book comfortable, if boring, life into a strange new gave me scenarios that I thought world, be it terrestrially or socially, where there I recognised and instead of takis a looming evil power which must be deing the one of the forked paths of stroyed. The hero initially enjoys this dream standard plot or twist, headed off world but slowly starts to realise that it is more through the trees, looking back of a nightmare, as he delves deeper. Eventually at me as if to say “What are you he discovers something which hitherto has restaring at? Keep up.” And I wish I mained unnoticed, he is the ‘Chosen One’ and could nd this more often: a fantathe evil is defeated. The plot gains bonus points sy world where a basic knowledge for a badass love interest that has to be saved at of Tolkien won’t spoil the story, least once, an originally benevolent father gure but I fear that the Echo Chronithat turns out to be evil and by having a magical cles are a dying breed. As shelves pointy eared race that are de nitely not called become saturated with more of elves. Go on, think about it. How many stories the Generic Fantasy so they dichave you read that resemble this structure? Even tate the mental worlds of young, if a novel intentionally subverts a point for a plot budding authors and I soon plot twist it is only a twist because we presume it will evolution may make nigh unexfollow this ‘Generic Fantasy’ structure. Don’t get plored worlds like Echo extinct. So me wrong, I love fantasy novels but after reading please, pick up a crushed gem and so many any new ones are instantly compared to better favourites and so what might be a good Never seen a playmobile beard either? Nor an ocean blue shark, and erm where’s that guys skull? help save a species.

Extraordinay

5

Conspiracies

I ’ v e been instructed Zach WeinerThe Chancellor is not to publish details of Hitler was sent Ellie Hynes is EVERYTHING Actually a Duck Smith (yes, that’s his real this conspiracy. I’m not going from the future name) has to be credited with the to say why, exactly, but I’m sure next one. What if, in the future, toothI’m sure you can guess that it’s because brush moustaches become sentient and you think you’ve seen I’m too close to the truth. I won’t start to control the people on whose faces they Ellie and Scott Bur end in say any more, but if my body is rest, so a man was sent back in time to make the same room before, but you were found with an of cious billsure that the toothbrush moustache would rewound in my back, then mistaken. Or hallucinating. Or bribed main permanently unfashionable (sorry, Charby an aquatic bird to further its endish, you know why.

The Government is lie), thus saving humanity from facial fuzz bread-eating plans. In reality all the roles of manufacturing wind enslavement. Unlikely? Well maybe not as the SU are lled by Ellie who uses her exemunlikely as you’d think - I mean, have you plary sporting ability to dash from place to People seen Terminator? The infrastrucplace to ll all the jobs. You know what? Even often point out that ture for a mission like this is Badgers Don’t Exist the cashiers in little Fresh. They’re Ellie wind turbines have motors already in place. too. And the chairs. She’s the entire SU and sometimes use electricity to I mean, have building. Say what you like about her, get their enormous blades spinning, you ever seen one? If she’s really talented. And spabut have these people considered the obyou have, I have bad news for cious. Not enough cash vious reason for this? The wind turbines are you - that was no badger. It was just machines spun to create wind, not to pro t from it. If a weirdly deformed, miniature cow. we got rid of them, the wind would die off That’s why they spread bovine TB, they’re and every single child in the world cry in bovine, and that’s also why the government unity as they’re told they’ll never be wants to cull them, so we never learn the seable to y a kite again. We’ve got cret of their itty bitty cow cronies. The orithis section’s editor to thank The 7th Conspiracy? gin of these mooing monstrosities is unfor this theory. known, but our own Helen (who’s from Do you have any idea of the the country, so I’m trusting that According to my rules and regulations for running she’s an expert) says “they’re editor, the title, and several a Chinese Takeaway? There’s health from Narnia.” reliable sources, there are 7 conbathimpact is just checks, there’re taxes, you have to actually a front for a Chinese spiracies in the article. I’ve done my sell Chinese food. So what bathimpact Editor Takeaway best to investigate this septuplicate pheSimon Rushton did, was to found an organizanomenon, but as yet I’ve found no evidence. tion and then proceed to regularly release quality Currently the only experts I can nd on this inpublications written by a team of highly caffeinated clude a guy in a trenchcoat who refuses to take writers, all whilst secretly operating a Chinese takeoff his tin-foil hat and a website featuring yellow away from the Media of ce. Due to logistical and on black text that was last edited in 1997. Honpractical constraints, there is currently no way estly, I think it’s all a bit ridiculous. If you’re to order food and no food to order and, for interested in this theory, or any of the othall intents and purposes, operates as a ers, then a quick Google search will repaper. But now you know the horveal almost nothing because Google rible truth. is in on it too. Quack.

Written by Nicholas West

2

6

1

4

3

7

6

Monday 4th November 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

THE GUIDE Bath Mozartfest – Friday 8th November to Saturday 23rd November at various locations It’s the 21st anniversary of the Bath Mozartfest! How better to celebrate this but with more Mozart. Some fabulous acts playing in stunning settings around the city, including in London Philharmonic Orchestra.

Ticket prices vary by event What Are You to Me? Jenny Davies – Saturday 9th November to Wednesday 20th November, Centrespace Gallery, Bristol Jenny Davies explores the complex lives of families and the memory of our ancestors in an interactive multimedia experience. There’s an online Tumblr linked to the exhibition, see whatareyoutome2013. tumblr.com for more details.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream Tuesday 19th November – Saturday 23rd November, at Theatre Royal, Bath Tickets starting from £17.50 For all you Shakespeareans/thespians/culture kids, this is a must see. Propeller, an all male theatre group, put on a hilarious production of our great friend Will’s classic.

ARTS

In:Motion presents Trap/Idlehands/Donuts, Friday 8th November at Motion, Bristol Tickets from £14.50 For you house loving fanatics Friday night has it all going on at Motion. With sets from Pearson Sound, Floating Points, Boddika and Happa, it’s going to be a big’un.

Villagers, Monday 11th November at Komedia, Bath £12.00 Your hunt for that Irish indie folky band is nally over! Upcoming Dublin lads, Villagers, play some sweet tunes on Monday night.

Acoustic showcase w/ Bohemian Embassy, Joshua Porter plus more, Tuesday 12th November at Komedia, Bath £5.00 An evening full of chilled acoustic sounds coming from Bath based artists including Bohemian Embassy, Joshua Porter, Lloyd Edward and Chloe Merrila Tyghe.

Al Murray, Sunday 10th November at the Theatre Royal, Bath £22.50 Al Murray’s touring stand up show ‘The only way is epic’ is set to be, well, epic. Expect some funny jokes.

The Krater Experience: Komedia’s 5th Birthday Krater Special, Saturday 16th November at Komedia, Bath £10 Wahoo, Komedia turns 5 years old! So join in the party and get down to Komedia’s Birthday special comedy event with Paul Chowdhry, The Noise Next Door, Chris Turner and Mark Olver.

Sean Lock, Wednesday 13th November, Bristol Hippodrome £30.90 Sean Lock, British Comedy Award winner, is taking a break from 8 out of 10 Cats and is touring the country with his Purple Van Man stand up show. The Times calls it “undeniably brilliant”, which sounds pretty good to us.

COMEDY

MUSIC

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

7

facebook.com/bathimpact

ConspMorrissies Written by Alexander Lilja Coles

W

Street in the rst place?! Amongst an unusually large bouquet of owers?! Or within his comically large quiff?! Ridiculous!

But nonetheless it occurred, and in typical Morrissey fashion it all ended with awkward apologies by Special Branch over a nice cup of tea.

But amazingly it doesn’t stop there. The next conspiracy comes from his time in the seminal, in uential and just plain fucking brilliant band ‘The Smiths’ and comes from an album the NME recently named the ‘Greatest Of All Time’. The album is of course ‘The Queen Is Dead’ and whilst its musical in uence on the next thirty or so years of British music is no secret; it has also made its mark on all sorts of crazy conspiracies. My favourite of which has to be the Diana-Morrissey phenomenon. This is a real conspiracy that even has its own dedicated website (www.dianamystery.com for those interested).

It’s absolutely bonkers but the basis of their theory is that the song ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ that is featured on the album, prophesised the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.

Arguments to support this as put forth by the website founder and head conspiracist David Alice include that not only was the famous song the only single that The Smiths ever released in France (the country in which Diana died) but is a single that features two people going out on a romantic date (which happened to Diana on the night of her death), features the said couple then driving around (she was of course in a car in Paris on that fateful night) and nally features the couple fantasising

about getting killed together in a car crash. Make of that what you will!And nally, it should be pointed out that conspiracies to do with Morrissey are most de nitely not a one way street.

For he has always been more than prone to coming up with a few of his own too. Especially when it comes to his view on portrayals of him in the British media. He’s maintained for a long time now that the NME and other media organisations have tried to degrade him by labeling him as a racist, but when you take into account the fact that he’s made such remarks as calling the Chinese a ‘subspecies’ you can’t really blame them for making such assumptions. But nonetheless it is yet another conspiracy linked to Morrissey! And there’s absolutely loads more that I just haven’t got the page space to mention!

It’s amazing, the man attracts them like demureness to Miley Cyrus! No wait…

But this is just a small collection of some of the best plots and conspiracies surrounding the man, the myth and the legend that he is and has become. He’s probably found himself at the centre of more conspiracies than that grassy knoll in Dallas and I recommend that if you want to learn more about these fascinating tales that surround him then go get ‘Autobiography’ - the already mentioned and recently released memoirs. It also has the added bonus of being one of the most beautifully poetic books I’ve ever read so go on and get it you little charmer! I’m sure you’ll absolutely love it! Who knows, perhaps you’ll even discover a few new Mozza conspiracies of your own!

Anitakhart

hen it comes to plots and conspiracies few artists have attracted as many as the famed, loved, and acclaimed lyricist and vocalist Steven Patrick Morrissey. And with bigmouth himself recently releasing his long awaited autobiography, many of these plots and conspiracies have been brought to the surface once more. And with no time quite like the present I thought now would be a good time to round up a few of the best.

One of my favourites that is described within his memoirs looks at the panic Morrissey caused MI5 following the release of his 1988 debut solo album ‘Viva Hate’ which featured the controversial closing song ‘Margaret on the Guillotine’. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who ‘Mozza’ as he is affectionately known had in mind when he was penning the lines “When will you die? When will you die? When will you die?” and amazingly it seems that the ‘Iron Lady’ herself was listening! For not long after its release Moz found himself being woken up one morning for a cross examination led by the Special Task Force of MI5 so that they could gure whether or not he posed a security threat to the hated Conservative leader of the time! Just to recap that’s Morrissey, a man with a shyness so large that it is criminally vulgar, being linked to the beheading of one of the most feared woman in British politics: Margaret Thatcher?! Amazing, but how did they ever think he was going to go about conducting this dreadful deed?! Like how does one even go about getting a guillotine into Ten Downing

A man with a quiff that big would clearly never have attracted the trust of the Kremlin, perhaps the KGB was more liberal with its spy recruits than rst thought

Katie Perry’s Prism: a Review Written by Chad Squankmire Like her or hate her, Katy Perry has (apart from Ur So Gay, we don’t talk about that one) mastered the perfect workout song. Almost every single one is upbeat, has the perfect tempo and motivates you like a drill sergeant with his boot up your arse.

By that metric, then, her latest album is a bit of a op. Most of the tracks sort of blend drearily into one another, with a few exceptions.

Roar, which was pre-released last month, has seen some controversy with critics drawing attention to the startling similarity to Sara Bareilles’ Brave (a song which Katy Perry has personally praised in the past). And it isn’t even that good, I mean if you’re going to rip someone off then you’d better absolutely nail it.

Dark Horse (feat. Juicy J - whoever the hell that is) and Walking on Air were more en pointe, but the Waking up in Vegas’s are too few and far between. Not every album can be an enormous success, but all this has inspired me to do is crack open One of the Boys and Teenage Dream. Unless you’re a diehard Katy Perry fan, I honestly wouldn’t bother with this one.

8

Monday 4th November 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

Score: basically always the apart from on Halloween

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

he same n

Monday 4th November 2013 Score regularly generates some outrageous out ts, but for Halloween a special effort was required. Bath’s sports teams and associates did not disappoint, providing an abundance of smeared face paint and devil horns accompanying the usual sparkly hotpants and neon sweatbands. With the DJ team pulling out their scary-ass mixes and regular Ghostbuster refrains, the Score clientele exhibited some terrifyingly bad shapes on the dance oor. Needless to say, as enthusiastic as some of the costume ideas were, others can only be described, in a word, as shit. Was that fake blood or just strawberry jam running down people’s necks? Were those off-white faces covered in paint, or our? Could the man dressed as a chicken lay eggs?

If the answer to the last question is ‘yes’, Score-goers could probably have clubbed together to collectively bake a cake with the fruits of their costumes. It would probably taste a bit like sweat and Jaeger though.

Speaking of delicious German liqueurs, the ratio of Jaeger to energy drink served in Score’s bombs has been reduced to a 1:1 split (or at least, that’s what it tasted like); a measure no doubt designed to test punters’ fortitude.

Photos by William Lay

9

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

W

Film review

ire taps and international espionage have always been a staple of Hollywood blockbusters, from government agents huddled around headphones in the back of white vans to tales of evil banking syndicates holding the world’s real power, conspiracy is never far from view in lm.

But with what seems like a recent spree of whistle blowers and exposé(s) it would appear that art is imitating life more than we’d like to admit. HSBC was recently found to be laundering Mexican Cartel money (Mr White must have had something to do with that one) and the NSA and GCHQ are actually watching and recording our lives in all too intimate detail (private browsing tabs are secure enough to keep the spies out right? Gulp!). Admittedly there aren’t agents in white vans lining the street of Old eld Park and I’d be very surprised if the HSBC execs sat in a room laughing manically at the ceiling but my point is still the same.

This got me wondering, what previously fantastical conspiracies in lms may actually turn out to be true? After all, other than the conspiracy nuts among us, who, when watching Enemy of the State, believed the ridiculously intrusive government surveillance could actually happen or that the evil bankers in lms like The International were actually funding crime in such an explicit way? Or how about the power and scope of pharmaceutical companies in The Constant Gardener; preposterous right…?

Now, I don’t think this is as ridiculous as it sounds. Is it such a leap of faith on a Saturday night out that a Stepford Wife type situation is taking place right here in Bath? Those lines of over primped clones programmed to bend one knee, put a hand on the

written by Thomas Rookes hip, tilt the head and drop a shoulder at the mere sight of a camera lens seem awfully suspicious to me. If that’s not the default settings of robot wives I don’t know what is! How about Sunday

x ray delta one

facebook.com/bathimpact

11

What would the king of Hollywood Clark Gable think mornings on Moorland Road or on Parade as lines of Zombies, stiff limbed and groaning, stumble around in search of food. Now I know what you’re going to say, the food is indeed more in the

form of Lucozade and anything fry-able rather than brains and human esh but what’s a better cover up for a zombie army than to only emerge in student towns on days when they can pass off there infections as a simple ‘hangover’. Stock up on cricket bats and old vinyl records now! The End is Nigh!

I guess if all this is true, if Hollywood script writers do have the inside scoop on what’s really going on, then it doesn’t have to be all bad. After all, some pretty awesome stuff does occur in lms.

I for one am de nitely still hoping for a letter in the post from an owl (they do mature students at Hogwarts right?) or that I will wake up and be able to shoot lasers out of my eyes or be able to y. I can picture it now, Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart will turn up at my door and ask me to join a school for gifted youngsters that they are setting up, “You didn’t think you were the only one did you?”. The age I stopped trying to move pencils with my mind is a lot higher that I’m proud to mention.

Alas, I think that this may all be a tad optimistic and I’m just going to have to accept that I’ll never get a wand and that that pencil is never going to move. Maybe it was a good idea that I didn’t pick Biology on the off chance that an educational trip to a lab would put me in to close proximity with some radioactive spiders after all. All that I’d say is that if I’m not getting the Xgene or the ability to “do whatever a spider can” then surely mass surveillance of the population and bribery of the Chinese Government (I’m looking at you GSK) shouldn’t be allowed either. And if that’s a sound argument for the end to conspiracy and corruption I don’t know what is.

Listen Up

Lou Reed Obituary

written by Linden Watts

Peat Bakke

“Who Is Arcade Fire?!” hit the meme-sphere after their 2011 Grammy victory, but it’s a question the band seems to have embraced on their latest 85-minute opus. You’d need to be on top form to justify that length – and they almost do. The one-two punch of LCD-Soundsystem-and-Bowie-inthe-Hizzouse lead single ‘Re ektor’ and coulda-been-on-The-Suburbs ‘We Exist’ is a killer introduction, and ‘It’s Never Over’ is the anthemic, funky centrepiece of the second disc. Various friends have picked a different combination of tracks as personal favourites, but many to me are potentiallybrilliant ideas hamstrung by over-length, unfocused melodies, or a lack of the emotional catharsis that Arcade Fire once dealt with in spades. After a few listens front-to-back however, the combination of scope, consistency and looseness does add up to more than the sum of its parts.

- Arcade Fire perform at the Roundhouse, London on the 11th & 12th November.

popular stencil taken from Reed’s second studio album written by Alex Philpotts ‘Perfect Day’ is the lullaby crooning across the airwaves in memory of the late great songwriter, but ‘A Walk On The Wild Side’ is the mantra Lou Reed lived by. For those not in-the-know, Lou was the creative force behind late 60s cult favourites the Velvet Underground. Managed by the seminal Andy Warhol, Reed and his troupe brought a take-no-prisoners to art rock – leading Brian Eno to famously comment that, in spite of their bananaart adorned debut’s meagre 30,000 sales, “everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band.” Today, that same debut is recognised as one of the greatest rock albums ever made – and that same banana has achieved international stardom. (It also remains the only member of the original line up not to become embroiled in hard drug use – go banana.)

Beyond the Velvet Underground, Lou Reed found successes as a solo artist and frequent Bowie-collaborator/consort (Bowie produced his second solo-effort Transformer). Iggy Pop later completed the legendary triumvirate of rock and questionable role-modelling, with both Mr Bowie and Mr Pop leading tributes on Twitter.

Regardless of a few musical inconsistencies and failed experiments, much of Lou Reed’s musical creations were poetry of both guitar and lyric. Sadly though, his unique genius was ultimately lost to liver-failure on 27 October. I would like to note that whilst I’m wholeheartedly against the promotion of substance abuse (don’t do drugs kids!) – achieving the grand age of 71 goes some way to justifying the preservative qualities of what was a truly Keith Richards lifestyle. Alas, if only he hadn’t transplanted his super-liver earlier this year, perhaps he might still have been with us. We hope you’re paying attention, Keith!

Arcade Fire’s Re ektor

The artist formerly known as Smog’s last album, 2011’s Apocalypse, was a beautiful, outward-looking but slightly impenetrable record, in which our hero delved further than ever before into epic story-songs and Americana. This latest one remains of a piece with his actual-name releases, but there’s a welcome sense of playfulness in the arrangements, and a return to more introspective lyrics that connect with the listener.

Callahan’s consistency as an artist is pretty much unmatched (15 albums, 13 of them good-to-great, in 20 years), so this is as good a time as any to get into him.

- Bill Callahan performs at St Georges, Bristol on the 6th February 2014.

We dont just review albums, oh no.

Bill Callahan’s Dream River

Grizzly Bear – ‘Will Calls (Marfa Demo)’ Grizzly Bear turned up across Best-of-Year lists with Shields in 2012, and thanks to three excellent albums in a row have gathered the word-of-mouth following to reach No. 7 in their US homelands charts. This kind of success inevitably means the deluxe reissue, and Grizzly Bear have posted this 7 minute demo up on YouTube to stoke anticipation. And weirdly, for a demo and leftover, it does just that. This isn’t just a strong idea – this is one of the best Grizzly Bear songs full stop. Spooked, tuneful verses crash into one of Ed Droste’s most cathartic choruses, calming and peaking for 5 brilliant minutes before leaning out gently with jazz-in ected coda. Tellingly, this was recorded in the same early sessions that spawned Shields highlights ‘Yet Again’ and ‘Sleeping Ute. How on earth something this lush is called a demo, and why it was left off the original Shields, is absolutely beyond me.

- Listen here: tinyurl.com/gbwcmd - Shields: Expanded and Shields: B-Sides are available from 12th November, on Warp Records.

12

Monday 4th November 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

No tricking, just treating yourself Written by Alice Tawell and Lucy Wild

Grab yourself a cupcake (easy

to bake or even easier to buy)

Lu

Start

Dear Readers, This week we got into the

cy

Ild W

Melt your milk chocolate in the microwave and spread liberally over the cupcakes. TOP TIP- the back of a spoon makes for a brilliant spreading tool.

halloween spirit (get it?!) and made some

scarily good

treats. If you fancy having a

go at making them, just follow our easy step-bystep guide.

Begin Time to pipe! Melt your white chocolate and pour it into a piping bag – don’t worry if you don’t have one of these, they’re easily made by snipping the corner off a sandwich bag.

Pipe three circles on top of the cakes, you’ll need a steady hand for this!

Spider web cupcakes What you’ll need: 1 bar of milk chocolate 1 bar of white chocolate Cocktail stick

We’re starting you off easy again, grab a cupcake.

Melt your milk chocolate in the microwave and spread liberally over the cupcakes.

TOP TIP- the back of a spoon makes for a brilliant spreading tool.

Now to make the web.

Grab your cocktail stick (and maybe a cocktail too) and drag from the centre out to create the web pattern.

Admire your culinary expertise and DIG IN quick, before any ies land on it!

Pour your chocolate sprinkles into a bowl and then roll the top of the cakes in them, making sure to cover them evenly.

Fin. Now onto the last leg(s), eight to be precise. Press eight long thin sweets into the sides of the cakes to make the spider’s legs – we’ve used cola laces here.

Cakes

You’ll need an eye for detail for this bit, or maybe two! We think liquorice allsorts work really well for this.

Spider cakes What you’ll need: 250g (a block) of unsalted butter 150g icing sugar 50g cocoa powder Chocolate sprinkles Sweets to decorate

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

13

facebook.com/bathimpact

Sex column, cheating: how to Written by Edie Bond

The number one rule is: ALWAYS HAVE A PASSWORD ON YOUR PHONE. This is the rst step when entering some form of adultery – keep your private life private.

Change your password consistently. If your girlfriend is one of those girls who have a billion handbags, take note that every time she switches which one she uses, that’s when you should change your password

LIE! And keep lying. The best way not to get caught is those little white lies becoming into big uorescent ones. Start lying from day one – you’ll feel shit, but it will kill your conscience earlier and prevent you from feeling worse later.

No banging in the crib – Never, ever, ever bring your bit on the side back to yours. More evidence is likely to be left around and more potential to be found out. Find a neutral place: a cheap room at the Holiday Inn in Old eld Park, in the toilets at Weir Lounge, in an alleyway behind the Royal Crescent – be as classy as you like, but keep it away from home.

No sel es with the lover – avoid photo evidence at all cost. Avoid all club photographers to will then publish the photos on Facebook, don’t

Be safe – it’s the least you can do to stay protected, not only for your sake but for your boyfriend/girlfriends. If you’re going to tear their heart apart, please don’t give them crabs too. You cheating BASTARD.

Hide your contacts and make excuses.

Suddenly you’re receiving 20 messages a day from ‘Dave Study Group’ and it begins to look suspicious. Start mentioning a huge project you’re working on and how stressed out you are about it, and how you need help from those around you.

Perfect your poker face, before you poka your lover in the soft bits – this is essential during those times you will get interrogated. Listen to Lady Gaga on repeat if you have to, but make sure you don’t falter.

Have an alibi – It’s never good to spread around that you are cheating as it may risk word getting about, but tell your closest friend so you can use them as an alibi. If your other half starts calling around asking where you are whilst you’re shagging someone you met from Score last Wednesday, you need a friend to cover you to say you were staying at theirs last night.

Bwe vwery qwuiet, I’m hwunting wabwbits Written by Tom Ash

N

ot so long ago, my younger sister accused me of murder. Oo-er I hear you think, but don’t worry, we weren’t in court. My ‘crime’ was to have admitted to her that I’d eaten rabbit. What is more, I confessed to having enjoyed it.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t believer the fth (or is it sixth?) commandment was carved in stone with uffy-tailed burrowers in mind. Indeed, up until quite recently it was common in occidental culture to eat rabbit, as it was a valuable source of lean protein, readily accessible and considerably cheap if you were willing to catch and peel it yourself. So at what point and why did rabbit eaters become so utterly demonised?

At rst, given the above experience and similar with members of the fairer sex (of all ages), I thought it must be a girl thing; an impulse I could only summarise as ‘Aww, look at the ickle furry thing’. Indeed, the untimely demise of the rst family rabbit at the paws of a savage Beagle was met

with mixed reactions amongst my siblings; my sisters were naturally distraught, whereas my brother and I, although sympathetic, were secretly a little relieved that we would no longer be kangaroo-kicked in the diaphragm whilst attempting to contain the little blighter on hutchcleaning day.

That being said, little boys like furry pets just as much as little girls. Arguably we may grow out of it sooner, and take more interest in how well they fare against our arsenal of plastic robots and water pistols, but the essential notion of ‘rabbits are pets’ is planted i n childhood. We can therefore look to the Victorian era, when rab-

bits were rst introduced as house animals, for the inception of the modern crusade against bunny curry and similar dishes.

The turn of the 20th century brought us Peter Rabbit, courtesy of Ms Potter, and thus the perception of rabbits in the media embarked upon a dramatic revolution. Cue the modern Easter Bunny, Rabbit of Winnie the Pooh fame, Bugs Bunny and Bambi’s sidekick Thumper, who collectively elevated the humble largomorph from rabbit-in-the-headlights to witty and loveable tactician and escape artist. And under no circumstances should you even contemplate what they taste like.

The general perception of rabbit meat has also worsened since the middle of the last century, owing to disease scares, notably around rabbit fever – a disease contractable from rabbit meat, that has featured in biological weapon programs and is rumoured to have been unleashed upon the Germans

by the Soviets during the siege of Stalingrad.

Coupled with outbreaks of myxomatosis, which led to many a schoolboy or schoolgirl discovering a decaying, tumour-ridden (and still alive) rabbit on England’s green and pleasant playing elds, one can understand how rabbit pie suddenly seemed less appetising.

Speaking of disease, should individuals of a mind with my sister be searching for the real demon bunny killers, they should look no further than the Australian government. With the failure of the rabbit-proof fence - a sort of Great Wall of China, if you will, designed to keep the pointy-eared warriors from descending upon Australian ecology - in 1950 they unleashed the Myxoma virus on the wild rabbit population, culling 500 million of the varmints from the ecosystem. If rabbit genocide were a war crime, the Hague would be working overtime.

Never fear though, the remaining 100 million or so carried genetic resistance and were able to pass this on. As rabbits breed, well, like rabbits, the species is back at near-full strength in Australia, and has never been in peril in Europe. Which brings me back to why prejudice against rabbit cuisine is misjudged. Badger culls in the UK as well as the perpetual campaign against Fantastic Mr Fox are going to remove two of Bugs’ primary natural predators, leaving agriculture, not to mention the foundations of your house, vulnerable to invasion by the twitchy-nosed army. Sooner or later, you’ll be praying to the demon bunny killers for salvation.

14

Monday 4th November 2013

bite

bite news

facebook.com/bathimpact

What may have, but at the same time de nitely didn’t happen.

Thomas Gane former bite Editor

U

S Scientists announced one of the major scientific breakthroughs of the twenty first century last week as the Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) unveiled the world first Human Synthesis machine.

The MQ-1 Predator and MQ-9 Reaper Drones are unmanned, automated Orphan Making vehicles and are the first machines to be able to create human life where previously there was simply a peaceful village in Pakistan.

The developments have been hailed as revolutionary in both the scientific community and in the implications they might have in the on-going war on terror.

Whilst the science behind the technology is still top secret, a DARPA demonstration was held at a hidden Arizona testing facility last week for members of the press. A mock up village was set up with absolutely no orphans present until an MQ-1 flyby produced a searing blast of heat and white light. When the dust settled the orphan test dummies could clearly be seen to be crawling out of the rubble, clutching at the remnants of the buildings and weeping, presumably at their joy of having been brought into the world. DARPA released

a press release following the test and explained the by-products of Orphan Production: “Obviously creating something where previously there was nothing is a very complex process, and Human Synthesis is a chemical reaction that produces a lot of energy which explains the large, some might say explosion like, consequences of the process”.

Whilst the scientific breakthrough is undoubtable, many political and military analysts have proclaimed that the new technology might result in a breakthrough in the war on terror and on-going military operations in the Middle East. Senior US analysts have long proclaimed the importance of orphans in conflict situations and especially their prowess in conflict resolution. A US Naval spokesperson had this to say, “History is littered with Orphans who brought nothing but joy and a sense of togetherness to those they encountered.

Look at the likes of Harry Potter, Oliver Twist, Huckleberry Finn and Annie whose stories have brought happiness to the lives of countless people. We believe that Orphan Production is a key tactic in combatting insurgency and hopefully these new orphans will all go on whimsical and inspiring adventures to bring the people of Pakistan together”. This new technology could prove revo-

lutionary as previously Orphan Production required US Marines to go into hostile environments, leaving them vulnerable to attacks from terrorists. However this new technology means that the CIA can remotely control the MQ-1 and MQ-9s from safe areas, raining down happy orphans on unsuspecting people without putting anyone in danger.

The future developments of the technology are also bright with some even suggesting that soon the drones will be able to automatically target and identify areas that are ripe for orphan production with no human input needed, further streamlining the process. There is also hope for expansion into new areas such as Widow Production, whilst there is also the potential for domestic uses of such technology, such as using remote Orphan Production to help with gang problems in Chicago. However, some have questioned the ethical use of the technology and put forward the idea that resistance fighters and a greater insurgency will be synthesised. Despite these doubters, the announcement has been greeted with widespread acclaim and there is already talk of the Nobel Prizes for Peace and Technology both being awarded to DARPA in 2014. Stick that in your pipe Monsanto, you complete and absolute CUNTS!

Pierre Guinoiseau

A new type of clone war-fun

Is scienec turning its back on morality? Is morality a mindless droid

There’s so much booty to tap O

ver the past fortnight bite hasn’t been very busy not listening into the phone calls of the movers and shakers in the world. Nor privy to any sort of factual information that we decided would be in the public interest to share, this revolutionary material shall be revealed, now.

We here at bite as you know don’t like to mess around, so we started at the top by listening to a phone call between Barack Obama and his well know lover, Matt Damon (if you didn’t say that in a Team America voice bite hates you.) They were discussing a fund raiser for the Democrat’s mid-term elections, in which Mr Damon was going to recite Lady Macbeth’s soliloquy, a known hit with the big wigs.

Not only have we in ltrated the power of the west as we know it, we have also found information about our European neighbours. For example we have concrete evidence to support the fact that M. Hollonde, France’s Chef d’Etat really really likes wine and cheese. We listened to a conversation where he was ordering large quantities with the sole

aim of seducing Angela Merkel on her next visit to Paris. We reckon that this could go the distance as we hear that Hollonde has “got game”.

Frau Merkel will however receive a frostier welcome to Downing Street, bite’s sources have intercepted a leaked memo detailing how eurospecptic members of the Conservative party have been planning an elaborate prank, involving replacing all of the tactfully prepared würst and larger, which the Chancellor loves, with “some good old fashioned British nosh: bangers, mash and British ale”.

Listening to World Leaders’ conversations isn’t all we’re interested in, the ctitious lives of real sports

stars have also caught our attention. Unable to speaking ze uent German we could only understand

himself and his world titles outside Mark Webber’s house in Australia.

When we passed this information

the fringes of the next conversation, however we managed to decipher that Sebastian Vettel is going to construct a 15m high bronze statue of

on to Mr Webber in the hope of getting a response, we were shocked and appalled to see a bag of dead animals and vomit hurtling towards

us from an upper oor window.

Outside the realm of niche sports, Sir Alex Ferguson informed us secretly that he had to let David Beckham leave Manchester United as he was too big for the club. Oh wait no that was in his book, so scrap that. Something that Ferguson managed to leave out of his book, how on earth?, was a collection of very very interesting facts about our very own SU ofcers: Tom and Ellie both really like sport, Sally is from the north, Scott has long hair and Peter waves his arms about when he talks. Former sabb Julie, is also rumoured to still be working at Plug, but this time he’s in the back of ce, arranging forthe coke not to have syrup in it and for garlic mayonaise to sometimes just be mayonaise.

So children don’t say bite doesn’t love you and that it doesn’t strive to inform you as it does it really really does. Journalist OUT. P.S This is all lies don’t sue us, pretty please.

KAZVorpal

Simon Rushton Editor-in-Cheif

Monday 4th November 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

‘My housemates are planning to kill me.’ Sam stood at the precipice between the safety of his room, and the torment of the cold, isolated hallway. He slowly creaked open his door and a light draught brushed past his face. Holding it ever-so gently, so as to avoid its hideous screech, he poked his head out and scanned the hall. Straight away, the door screeched a terrible screech and he jumped, startled, and made the unconscious decision to simply bolt it out of the house. His room was in the middle of the hallway, so it would be easy for someone to sneak up behind him before he managed to get to the stairs, so he had to be exceedingly careful. He made a break for it, and in his frenzy, left his door unlocked. Panic surged through him‘It’s too late now,’ he panted under his breath, and charged towards the stairs, straight past Sally, who, without making a sound, appeared at her door.

‘Hello Samuel’ she droned in her chilling monotone, staring at him without blinking once. Sam didn’t know this, however, as without so much as a glance her way, Sam skilfully swerved passed her, and launched his way out of the front door and onto the pathway, darting across the lawn and steadying into a walk as he came closer to the University.

The past week had slowly wound Sam up to never before felt levels of anxiety; his housemates had been, to his mind, lurking around in the shadows, moving only in his periphery; attempting to sneak around like particularly unsubtle thieves. Hands were hidden under tables, conversations grinded to an immediate halt at his very presence, and all eyes menacingly loomed over him. It was safe to say, even a person who wasn’t as acutely paranoid as Sam would also feel a little disconcerted being in his position.

The day’s lectures were a release from his torment, the sheer boredom incurred on him by his Mathematics lecturers’ broke him out of his torturous thoughts of the fatal plans of his housemates. He was certainly a contrast to the other members of each lecture’s audience, all of them in varying degrees of nodding o - him an agitated, panicky wreck.

Although Sam generally despised crowds, he now strove to place himself in areas with large swathes of people. After his lectures, he took solace in the library- being as careful as possible; when he needed to take a leak, he cautiously waited until another guy would get up to go to the toilet, and then follow him in, so he was never alone; forcing out a jet-stream so that he would always nish before the other guy, and washing his hands for a little too long to wait for the guy to leave.

He moved about the library from one populated area to the next, and people slowly trickled out until it got to the point where it was completely empty besides him and one other girl. He moved over and sat next to a her, and she was clearly a bit creeped out - but no way near as creeped out as the moment when she left, and he was too fearful of the empty library to be in there alone, so he followed her out, and they both slowly increased their speed until they got to the door, where she stopped at the security desk. He, not being a completely socially de cient, realised the situation and kept one going after she stopped, making sure to avoid eye contact with either the security or the girl.

He zoomed out of the door, but screeched to a halt when he was outside, as he realised the more quickly he went home, the more quickly he walked into danger.

He trudged home very slowly, but very carefully staying in areas where people in their kitchens could see him out of the window.

He eventually stood on the lawn out the front of his house, and hid in the shadows, trying to avoid any possible detection in the shroud of twilight and slowly gathering fog - but upon his silent penetration of the front door, his stomach was relentless in its need to be sated - so he wiped a river o of his head with his sleeve, tip-toed as quietly as he could, and glided into the kitchen with no sound whatsoever. His nger shivered towards the light-switch.

Click ‘SURPRISE!’ called all of his collected housemates, and the cold sweat of terror on the back of his neck evaporated, and a warm sweat of happiness (and slight bashfulness at his own suspicions) seeped out. Sam recalled all of the times in the last week he had felt almost sick with rage and suspicion, thoughts whirring around his mind about what he possible act of his could have spurred on such immense hatred from his housemates. He saw cake laid out on the table, and smiles gleaming at him below bright paper crowns. A proverbial tsunami of instantaneous well-being swept him away, and away to some calm place he’d never before experienced. In fact, his relief so much so that he didn’t realise Bill had just thrust a knife into his stomach. Sam dropped to the oor, spurting blood from his mouth, writhed around, each writhe less vigorous than the last and then nally became rigid; the last thing that went through his mind was: ‘but, it’s not my birthday.’

Bill turned to the others: ‘Now who wants some cake?’

15

16

Monday 4th November 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact

Puzzle Corner

Horoscopes  Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

This week you’ll feel safer for telling on someone you see someone who is seen carefully putting what looks like a collection of November 22 - December 21 similarly sized dildos, which have coincidentally been taped together, underAmongst your friend neath the property of somebody else group you always nd and proceeding to light it – but you you’re the one picking up the still won’t be able to complete a rupieces, doing the things that bik’s cube. no-one else does, like murdering strangers and decapitating animals for fun and then putting them on display using cocktail December 22 - January 20 sticks to help you masturbate You have come to a time in your life when a re-think is on the cards, have you come to a time in your life when it’s apropos to buy a pack of cards – if so, get the January 21 - February 19 naked people ones, they’re much more exciting and they have an of cial upShe doesn’t love you side down.



Sagittarius





Capricorn

Aquarius

Across

Down



1 Element present in all organic compounds (atomic 2 High-ranking naval of cer (7) number: 6) (6) 3 Extremely hard metalloid element (atomic number: 5) 5 Extremely reactive yellow gaseous element (5) (atomic number: 9) (8) 4 First transuranic element (atomic number: 93) (9) 9 Of a fraction: having a numerator larger than the 5 Transuranic element named after an Italian nuclear denominator (8) physicist (atomic number: 100) (7) 10 Choice, alternative (6) 6 German submarine (1-4) 11 Metallic element (atomic number: 26); golf club 7 Rare metallic element named after Russia (atomic (4) number: 44) (9) 12 Not settled; undecided (2,2,3,3) 8 Superconductive metallic element used in steel alloys 13 (Chemistry) Soluble base or solution of a base (6) (atomic number: 41) (7) 15 Exaggerated manliness (8) 14 Transuranic element used in smoke detectors (atomic 17 Of a medicine: acting by absorption through the number: 95) (9) skin — red mince (anag.) (8) 16 You’re doing one! (9) 20 Densest naturally-occurring element (atomic 18 Language of e.g. the Aztecs (7) number: 76) (6) 19 Most electropositive metallic element (atomic 22 Piercingly high-pitched quality (10) number: 55) (7) 24 Toxic metallic element (atomic number: 82); to 21 Radioactive element used in atomic bombs and for guide (4) nuclear energy (atomic number: 92) (7) 25 Highly radioactive element formerly used in 23 Citrus fruit; useless person (5) luminous paints (atomic number: 88) (6) 24 Depart; permission (5) 26 Having equal atmospheric pressure (8) 27 Third most abundant element in Earth’s crust (atomic number: 13; US spelling) (8) 28 Wonderful; very attractive (6) for answers to last

Pisces

February 20 - March 20

 Aries

Worries can consume you at inopporMarch 21 - April 20 tune moments, like when you’re paying for something and you forget what a 20p is… so you You nd your political views just assume this was your are becoming more and more purchase and leave the important to you, then you read shop – stop thinking something Russell Brand wrote all together, then you recently, you’ll probably stop voting, won’t have to keep start dressing up as tinkywinky, start queuing up in saying things like – eh oh. Instead of helfresh. Twat. lo and your custard intake will be through the roof.

 Taurus 

Gemini

April 21 - May 20

Giant wasps are something you feel you’re contending with a lot lately, now you You nd there’s never know how Donkey Kong felt. You anyone you gel with in your have a nap, afterwards… monweeks crossword visit our general social circles, you feel ey troubles? Good. Back to facebook page and nd the different and isolated, you sit night work. crosswords photo album after night, reading cool stuff, you know a lot, you’re interesting but you feel June 21 - July 21 you just have no one to share with and end up talking to the mirror – you feel inferior to Different opportunities are presentthose people. Well don’t, they’re the freaks, not ing themselves THICK and fast, you might feel you. slightly uneasy about this and turn to alcohol. This. Is a good idea.

May 21 - June 20

One Upper

 Cancer



Leo

The box this week is still called the box July 22 - August 22 of fun - but it’s not for fun, it’s fucking seFlattery has always been somerious, so send us the box with ideas for a thing that makes you feel unplot to a new muppets lm - for a chance comfortable, so next time someone to win £5 worth of Plug vouchers

 Virgo

August 23 - September 22

If you’re feeling woozy a lot these days, it’s probably because those False Widow spiders are slowly eating you in compliments you, instead of smiling your sleep, every night they nibble a awkwardly and giggling or saying ‘oh stop’ little bit more, soon you’ll wake just punch them repeatedly in the face until up and you’ll just be bones you can’t recognise them, and remove all their and eyes, you know like in teeth, for dental forensicy evidency whimsical thing. some cartoons.

 Libra

September 23 - October 22 Infestations are a problem when trying to live and move around and not be treading on slugs and rats and mice and spiders written by a suspicious hippo

Puzzles created by Dorian Lidell