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mintyfresh... fresher than a lunch lady’s snack-pack
Thursday 29th September 2011
Campus was still hotting up as everything got a bit sporty and the air of competition continued...
Und sway, und sway, und leather and shorts and spill and blueroll. In ze mouth, in ze mouth... Or not. At last night’s Bierkeller, The Plug got through more blueroll than a Lacrosse gets through turtlenecks. Let’s just say you can see where the 700+ tonnes of waste at Oktoberfest come from... Beer flowed freely and wonderfully as freshers piled up glass after glass as two girls were challenged to blowing contests - don’t be dirty - with a tuba as a ‘specially chosen’ fresher danced on a chair. A couple of bier-loving freshers said
The sports fair jumped into action with the trampolining and jiu-jitsu clubs throwing some funky shapes on Parade. Ouch.
Taking advantage of the superb sunshine, the Parade was transformed into a hub of sporting activity as Bath’s sports clubs took their place to lure freshers in. With most clubs recruiting large amounts, the event was a roaring success. The lake became a virtual funfair with Bath Snowsports erecting a giant inflat-
bic exercise but a whole load of fun! Others challenged themselves to a tough task on the Surf Club’s virtual surf machine… we were particularly impressed by one fresher who made it look too easy – hope you joined! Ballroom dancers were out in style too, strutting their stuff across the Parade and some rather buff lads on a mini tennis court drew onlookers a-plenty. By the lake, the volleyball team showed off their impeccable ball skills and kayaker George demonstrated his fearlessness by taking on the rough waves of the paddling pool all by himself. Freshers were excited to join more than one club, with one telling us “I’ve signed up to so many, I don’t know how I’m going to keep up!” All in all, the Sports Day boasted an abundance of talent and all sports clubs are up for another fantastic year of victorious able slide; not only were the clubs there for triumphs thanks to the enthusiastic freshers. sign-ups, they also proved a great entertain- Team Bath! ment. A few shoutouts to particular clubs VICE PRESIDENT included Kickboxing for their enthusiastic SPORT, CHRIS ‘CLEMMO’ team photo and for granting two of our lucky CLEMENTS: reporters a can of Relentless - much appreci“Freshers 2011: You’ve taken ated guys! The trampolining club also deserve my phone my hair and my a mention for putting on a great show full of dignity but I still love you!” somersaults, back-flips, twists and a whole lot more - definitely proving that it’s not just aero-
Bierkeller gets underway with some happy clapping
they’ve “never hoovered so hard” but mintyfresh remains unconvinced. The band was good enough to only use the simplest conjunctions in Deutsch, so as not to confuse the freshers, meaning the sing-alond ended quite impressively, although it’s a hard time for pints wanting to remain upright with all the handstomping, double high fives and orchestrated chanting. People left the event with more beer on them, than in them (it still soaks in). Nonetheless, a Bierkeller makes for a much more sophisticated and friendly pre-lash than ring of fire.
!EPIC FRESHER WIN!
We love how this girl has taken the boring chore of washing clothes to a new extreme to get that last speck of dirt out before heading back to the classroom.
The bell rang, the queues formed, skirts got rolled up and ties loosened... all this on a school night?
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Wolfson 5 thoroughly impressed the mintyfresh crew tonight, you are very strong contenders for best halls....
We set off on a hall crawl, heading first eastwards to Solsbury. After a short stint in a a few parties that didn’t really thrill us (we’ll be back tomorrow, so do us proud), we headed to Marlborough where we encountered a lovely bunch who cooperated with us to the extent of all crowding into the laundrette, check out Fresher Win of the night for more info. We scouted out Woodland for more action, of which there was very little (we do not yet give up hope), apart from yet another encounter with our good friend Mr Floppy, and a moment of loss of self-control when we ended up in his bed for a few seconds. In Eastwood 37 we found an excellent party of delightful young schoolgirls and boys who were so keen to get into mintyfresh that they have become the least dressed freshers of the night; everyone else should learn from their example. As we walked past Wolfson we were drawn by the sounds of howling to level 5, where we found the party of the night underway. According to one girl, they had been listening to Gay Bar for ten hours; we’re not even sure they’d been awake for ten hours and we thought they may not live past the next ten. We weren’t allowed to leave before we were officially welcomed and, as we left, a school girl proceeded to slap us about the face chanting “level five, level five”...
Whilst mintyfresh were yet again ensnared at a Conygre hoedown, we came across a fresher with a very very unfortunate surname. Miss Jessica Gash of Quarry did not feel ashamed of her wonderous last name, instead she bravely chose to embrace it. When asked how she has survived so far without going to the highest of courts to get rid of her surely bullypoaching name, she held her head high and said that if she could go “the biggest state school in Essex” and survive, she can do it anywhere. Miss Gash; the minty crew gives you the utmost respect. Yesterday mintyfresh mentioned Gary from Conygre, an “unsuspecting” young man with a head full of fantastically curly hair and about as sweet as a bag stuffed with demera sugar. Tonight we heard that Gary is in fact known as ‘The Wizard’. Confuzzled, mintyfresh demanded an explanation. It turns out that Mr Sweet is in actual fact The Conygre Casanova, as he had ‘relations’ with two females in only one hour. In celebration of his apparent popularity with the first year ladies, his housemates have graffitied his door with “You’re a f*cking legend Gary!” Bravo.
!FRESHER OF THE NIGHT!
Grant from E36 was the winner of the ‘get into mintyfresh’ challenge, set by his housemates (with the added incentive of free vodka) He earned this by rallying up his neighbours to pose for us... see below.
!EPIC FRESHER FAIL! Poor Luke was left high and dry, when he was clingfilmed to a lamp post by his sniggering flat mates. They took the opportunity to use him as a blank canvas for many a crude doodle. Although this is a fail, we do feel sorry for you, bullying in the playground is not something we at mintyfresh advocate.
No (home)work and all play for 2011 freshers It was back to school for the Bath freshers last
Our team... in bed with Mr Floppy night; but this time for some exceedingly extracurricular activities… The Founders Sports Hall played host to the class of 2011; attendance was high and skirts were short. Students rocked out to the tones of freshers returnee Chesney Hawkes, who pleased the crowds with his poptastic set, covering songs like the Kaiser Chiefs’ ‘I Predict a Riot’ and his original ‘I am the one and only’. Chesney wasn’t the (one and) only chap feeling the love tonight though, as the mintyfresh crew were beset by adoring fans, eager to make it into the next instalment. You all get an A* from us!
Georgie and Lucy from Marlborough
BEST LEAST Dressed Freshers !IT’S A (SCHOOL) TIE!
11:00 to 15:00 Carnival Day - tuning parade into a soc-carnival 17:00 to 19.30 Pool competition - there are prizes at stake
QUOTES OF THE NIGHT:
PM
AM
COMING UP TOD AY 20:30: Film night! The Social Network 5W2.3 21:30: PG James Bond Night: Claverton Rooms.... shaken or stirred? 21.30 - UV PARTY: Sports Hall - let’s glow out and get loud.
Eastwood 37 looking F.I.T. Courtesy of Grant from Eastwood 36
- Male to female fresher: “Don’t go telling people I shagged you in your sleep!” - As tweeted on the big screen: “Who the f*ck is Chesney Hawkes?” - A mintyfresh reporter: “I have accidently touched so many penises tonight...”