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mintyfresh... fresher than sex on a very sandy beach
Wednesday 27th September 2011
The sun put his hat on for us yesterday, he must have known there were BBQs and a beach party going on!
Bath Motorsports Society were bang on track setting up a ‘pitstop’ outside the library yesterady afternoon. Its members were offering freshers the chance to win free membership to the club, in a ‘whoever gets the fastest time’ event. mintyfresh just so happened to spot winner of the British Universities Karting Championship, Chris Bell having a go. No surprise when the organisers told us he was in the lead to win the title - mintyfresh says “Stop hogging it and give the freshers a go!”
Westwood freshers topping up their tans ready for the flesh flashing fest that is the Beach Party
We’re not sure what you freshers have done to deserve all this sunshine (perhaps sacrificed a few Captains?) but Tuesday saw temperatures reaching a summery 22 degrees Celsius, which of course meant only one thing - barbeques! And where there are freshers, there’s mintyfresh! Armed with a dictaphone and a camera, off we set. First on our hotlist was Woodland Court, where, as luck would have it, one of the first freshers we bumped into was our very own Mr Horizontal Monster Mash, who was fortunate enough to feature in yesterday’s edition of mintyfresh. He, along with his friends, ada-
The Eastwood guys and girls gathering around the BBQ like moths to a very greasy flame
mantly boasted that Woodland was most definitely the place to be, and that they had a veritable selection of fitties within their halls. Not that Mr Mash will be able to ‘partake’ as upon being propositioned for marriage by one of our reporters he gladly accepted. mintyfresh had better get an invite to the wedding! En route to the next BBQ, minty-
fresh came across some freshers who were seeking all the free food they could, including “free toasties from the Christians” which they munched on yesterday - obviously enjoying ‘saving dough’ in more than one sense! At the Eastwood BBQ we were greeted by enthusiastic Brendon Court devotees Josh, Brad and Timesh who, after they regaled us with tales of mega-chundering, asked us to give a shoutout to hottie Lara (Brendon Court Floor 2) and “the hot girls from Conygre”. You lucky ladies. But it seems they weren’t the only ones on the prowl, as Eastwood BBQ attendee Amish asked that we put a shoutout to any “rich Woodland Court girls” who might be interested and request that they find him at Eastwood 1. Finally, and without even having been offered a single burger all afternoon, Mintyfresh descended upon the Westwood BBQ, where we encountered yet another mintyfresh star, ‘Mr Mangina’ (who refused to give us his actual name) busy with his rugby mates, playing with yet another set of balls. After a brief chat about the ‘chunder dragon’ (no, we still have no idea) our reporter once again offered a proposal of marriage to a rather strapping young man, who (possibly) accepted with the mumbled words “slippery banana”… All in all mintyfresh loved seeing you guys enjoying a chilled afternoon in the sun - let’s hope this heat wave continues so we avoid Glastonbury-type scenes tonight... we happen to know that heels and mud don’t mix.
Have-a-go go karting on parade
VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION MATT BENKA: “Someone came up to me earlier and asked if I was the Vice Chancellor...” Good grief, we hope not.
!EPIC FRESHER WIN! Our fresher win of the night goes to ‘Bieber’ from Mendip, who last night made the impressive step of bringing a female fresher home... before starting to vomit in his bin. While this may seem like a fail, the win part of this tale is that the lovely fresher-femme decided to remain at his side rather than head for this hills; we can only assume this is due to his dazzling similarity to one 17-year-old celeb; what a handsome fellow.
As the sun went down, crazy scantily clad freshers came out, in more than one way
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Conygre crew with the bonus of Clemmo and his newly baldified blue bonce courtesy of the conygreans
Conygre. Where to start. If you weren’t busy stroking Gary’s wonderfully bouncy hair, laughing at Ben 10’s dancing or being overly greeted by Nathan, you were watching VP Chris Clement’s hair being shaved off by enthusiastic freshers determined to ensure that “a bald man gets his head shaved”. Once everyone had finished jeering at the sabb’s naked scalp, smurf-shade face paint was located and slapped on his “slap-head”. Conygreans were awesome to hang out with, we found a scattered group of fourth and fifth years socialising to the highest capacity possible amongst the freshers. When asked why they came to Conygre specifically, they answered, “We came here before, and we will always come again - THESE FRESHERS ARE AWESOME!” Quarry 4 is has now become known as pre-socialising heaven. The moment that mintyfresh stepped into the hallway, we knew that it was the place to be. About 5m in front was a couple pretty much eating each other. They were then unceremoniously pushed out of the way by stumbling housemates bopping to blaring dubstep. We were then shoved into a kitchen that was heaving with sweaty freshers shouting so many crazy quotes that our ears (almost) exploded. Hugs were given, drinks were offered and respect for the exciting party atmosphere was bandied about like a prostitute’s knickers. Quarry 4, we honestly want to party with you every single night.
That was an absolute BEACH of a party We at mintyfresh figure beach parties are good for you. They make people dance like lunatics, take off their clothes and, in one poor guy’s case, have their friends dry hump them from all four sides while trying to adorn his nether regions with flowers. We caught up with Beastwood outside (impressive), Solsbury inside, who covered us in beer, and a chap called Hector from Woodland who not only stripped down to his boxers for us but also told us he’d aready pulled using nothing but a tshirt (it read ‘id do me’, apparently she agreed), finished her off and come back for more. Woodland are definitely a bit frisky this year.
Mr Floppy, the Voluntary Manginas and VP Sport in a mankini and that was just the quiz What’s orange, speedy and nearly nude? That would be our one and only VP Sport, Clemmo. Contestants were treated to the sight of our esteemed Sabb streaking through the hall at the Freshers’ Week University Quiz, which took place in the Founders’ Sports Hall yesterday evening. As with last year, the quiz was a hit and drew in the crowds. This year’s teams were asked to bring their own buzzers (which ranged from quacking duck pens to pots and pans) as well as personalised mascots; our mintyfresh reporter was particularly fond of one team’s hastily fashioned beer can buddy. As organisers armed with microphones sought entertaining stories from competitors, a friend the much loved ‘Mr Floppy’ popped up (no pun intended) to once more delight his peers with the infamous raunchy disabled toilet tale, However, having regalied his tale to the hall we at mintyfresh suspect he has succeeded in
!FRESHER OF THE NIGHT!
Tubbs, of Mendip 4, told us of his week so far; it includes Hooters in Bristol on Saturday, where he was found singing Journey ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ in the toilets, and was later discovered wandering around Bristol station... minus his trousers. He lost his passport, got a taxi back to bath on his lonesome for £32.50, outside of which he ‘chunderbombed’ (due to motion sickness?). On Sunday this defender of the fresher fun was found walking around the men’s toilets in the Tub... stark-bollock naked.
!EPIC FRESHER FAIL!
Whalley from Eastwood is our Fresher Fail of the night, after attempting to climb through a tiny window in pursuit of... not alcohol, not girls, but biscuits. Whalley, you have your priorities slightly wrong for a fresher (but also, hilarious). rehabilitating his image. Other details were that it was Ms (maybe not so) Dissapointed’s head banging against the door so hard that alerted the security guards. Sir, we are impressed. The triumphant team of the night were none other than Quantock’s ‘Voluntary Manginas’, whose members walked away with a four-month STV pass, an ICIA pass, wine, beer and some sweets. Those who weren’t so ‘winninglyabled’ walked away with honorary transfer letters to Bath Spa University. Cheeky.
BEST LEAST Dressed Fresher
11:00 to 15:00 Sports Day
QUOTES OF THE NIGHT:
PM
AM
COMING UP TOMO R R O W 22:00 - Bierkeller: The Plug 20.30 - Film night : 8W1.1 21.30 - SCHOOL DISCO: Sports Hall
FRESHERS, we struggled to find a good least dressed on BEACH night - where were all the bikinis and mankini’s?! Due to this disappointment, VP Sport Clemmo has earned honerary Fresher status for this acclaim.
- Emily Sergeant from Woodland “Hey pants down guy... do you have a lighter?” - A girl in the toilette “I am LITERALLY about to piss myself right now.” - A captain: “Iraq could have been solved by this quality of pussy.”