Issue 3
Wednesday 26th September 2012
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mintyfresh highlights Best quotes “You look young. I’m 24. Wanna swap shirts?” Mature fresher attempts to charm Jess, Woodland.
Quarry 4 have a blast Quarry 4 decided to join the time honoured fresher game of ‘how many people can we fit into one flat’. We’re not actually sure how many people ended up in the flat, but needless to say we were up to our necks in sweaty young bodies and we’d be lying if we said we didn’t enjoy it. The gauntlet is thrown down for tomorrow to all you other freshers – this was the party of the night. The adjacent terrace of Mendip indulged a slightly more quiet game that they dubbed “Trivial Piss-Up” and despite incurring the scorn of their Quarry neighbours, we at mintyfresh towers approve of their creativity Our tragic hero of the night was one suave young gentleman from Solsbury who dropped his best dance moves and finest chat up lines to woo a particularly fine young filly. Having succeeded in seducing the young lady, he proceeded to escort her back to his flat and prepared to sheathe his mighty
scimitar; however the moment (and no doubt the alcohol) overwhelmed him. Initially the chap feared he had simply opened fire a little early, but when the warmth continued to blossom in his trousers, the truth became apparent. Needless to say his lady friend didn’t hang around much longer, leaving our unfortunate protagonist alone, smelling slightly of ammonia. On the other side of Solsbury, flatmates were rudely awoken this morning to several feet of water pouring through their flat. Dealing with the situation as best they could, the unfortunate freshers mounted a daring expedition to find the cause of the tsunami. After many long hours the flat finally discovered the source. One of their number had decided midway through her night time shower that she was simply too tired to finish and fell asleep on the spot, blocking the plughole in the process. Rumours abounded about a
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cunning rogue with a taste for creative vandalism who has been roaming the floors of Norwood, hunting down unattended mobile phones and pilfering the batteries from them. This unorthodox bandit presumably has plans for his lithium-ion loot. We suspect nefarious ends. So if anyone sees anything resembling a death ray or giant laser, let us know as we’d like plenty of time to get the fuck out of here. In other bizarre news one Eastwoodian was so intensely ravenous last night that he decided to devour a whole pineapple. It took three whole bites of skin, leaf, and juicy, juicy pineapple flesh before he realised that, in fact, he was head over heels for the exotic fruit. Cradling his new love in his arms, the boy fled the scene. He was later seen coming back pineapple-less with a gleam in his eye and a cheeky grin. We can only speculate as to the pineapple’s fate.
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“You’d be sexier if you had a better Welsh accent” Mildy racist chat-up line of the night.
Q&A If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why? “Dori in Finding Nemo so I could keep swimming... in boy’s pants.” ‘Childhood Destroyer’ Marlborough B.
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Rumour of the night Callum, Marlborough, was allegedly so famished he resorted to eating a pair of his friend’s boxers. mintyfresh aren’t sure whether this is better or worse than getting a king’s kebab.
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Soggy Sausages
Hundreds of freshers descended on three barbeques set up around campus, responding to their natural student instinct to sniff out and acquire free food. As their keen captains and crew cut open the rolls and grilled the burgers (for once this isn’t a euphemism), the freshers showed their appreciation by quickly retreating back into their kitchens to avoid the heavy downfall that hit the feast. Thanks to this
mass departure the barbeques were cut short. Still, mintyfresh was happy to see the community spirit of the barbeques continue inside the accommodation as we caught up with you and helped ourselves to a burger or two. It wasn’t just us and the freshers indulging; the postgrads were also found having a scenic barbeque by the lake having queued in scenes reminiscent of Soviet bread lines.
PG Treasure Hunt
3:Thirty Sport Rounders
Bath Abbey
Eastwood Pitches
12:30-15:00
16:00-18:00
Pool Competition
Samba Drumming
The Plug
Amphitheatre
18:00-20:00
18:00-20:00
Karaoke
Film Night
The Tub
5W 2.4
19:00-22:00
20:00-22:30
Wednesday Highlights
Tropical Luau Party with Dot Rotten Sports Hall
21:00 - 02:00
The image of damp meat being abandoned by hundreds of bright young things should have been very depressing. Amazingly, thanks to the good cheer on show from all of those involved, it was quite the opposite. The postgrads had an outrageously good time with their pizza and boardgames night. In a repeat of what has become known as ‘Cheesegate’ from last night, there were serious concerns that there wouldn’t be enough boardgames to go around. Obviously, The Washington Post has already been alerted and several emergency services were immediately dispatched with reserves of Scrabble, Connect Four and Chess. Sadly one student did suffer from checkers withdrawal and needed a thankfully quick but complex operation involving tic-tac-toe and Snakes and Ladders. No serious injury occurred. After the shock had worn off, the postgrads decided to take their party on the road – a change of venue was the best way to shake off the experience as they headed
into town to prove that age does not diminish the appetite for dark rooms and vodka in the slightest. In all seriousness, the post-grad event was yet another massive success and everything bodes well for an amazing week. Pizza, Trivial Pursuit, and Weir Lounge; the recipe for a perfect night? The Plug hosted the annual freshers’ pub quiz. With both the Plug and the Tub chock-a-block with freshers, our quiz master Julie was almost overwhelmed. Having finished his thirty minute explanation on how a quiz works (just in case you guys are still unsure, it’ll probably be repeated next week and maybe the week after that), the games began. mintyfresh popped in and out, but was impressed by our freshers’ knowledge of complex issues ranging from which group Gary Barlow has on this year’s X-Factor to the Latin name of the town you live in; although it was a tad upsetting that most of you got the first one right and the second one wrong!
Fresher of the night
‘Big Sam’, Derhill (perhaps). No one knows for sure where he might be at any time; all discuss it. Meet your next campus legend. Some say, he has a different hat for every occasion. So far, these have included a sailor’s cap and a builder’s helmet. Hopefully,
he‘ll continue to dress as members of ‘The Village People’ for the rest of week. Others say he has no accomodation, simply taking naps on random benches when the mood hits him. All we’re sure about is that he goes by ‘Big Sam’.