Issue 1
Monday 24th September 2012
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mintyfresh highlights Wildest rumour
Sophisticated cheese metaphors etc... Pre-launch events were a fairly spectacular display of form from the 2012 cohort of freshers. Before the party in The Plug and The Tub had even kicked off, we found one chap in the corridor of a noisy Wolfson who had clearly decided to take an early nap. Roused briefly by the prospect of becoming a campus celebrity in this fine publication, he was sadly unable to remain awake long enough for a photograph. Joe decided to have another nap. Face first. Crew put in a pretty outstanding show this weekend. In most cases, the boys and girls in blue seemed much more keen than the freshers who formed their entourages. The disappointment of one of the Eastwood crew that ‘only five per cent’ of his freshers were fit, did not seem to diminish his enthusiasm for pulling one. Apparently, in his state, he thought he had had a lecture in
how to do this. This seems pretty unlikely, on balance. You lot are really pretty sophisticated. There was a group of Cotswold luvvies sharing a Cuban cigar. As the fragrant smoke whirled about their heads they shared tales of a mythical substance-smoking man, who sometimes moonlights as a woman. We went on the hunt for this mysterious creature. No luck. Undeterred by long queues, freshers camped anxiously for the finest cheese served on the stickiest dancefloor in Britain (unofficial title). Your dance moves were entirely appropriate. One Eastwood house woke up this morning to find that they had acquired a new table. No one seemed to have any idea how or when it had arrived. Its origins appear to be in a distant part of Marlborough, but, given the difficulties of manoeuvring such an object to their kitchen, we and
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they have been unable to rule out some sort of spontaneous table apparition. It had joined with the tables which they already had to form a giant, phallic object at the centre of their kitchen. Sometimes metaphors make themselves. Derhill 4, or D4, a flat of seventeen gentlemen and one accidentally-wrongly-allocated lady, were clearly very much in love with their new home. D4, as they introduced themselves, had sadly lost their house female, but they weren’t letting this dampen their spirits. They are the place to be in Westwood, by their own account. We’re hopeful that they will do as they promised us and upload the photos and videos of their antics, though obviously we could not possibly condone anyone doing anything depicted in these images, least of all those things which might accidentally lead to non-compulsory fun...
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A gentleman in Solsbury Court decided to entertain his new flatmates by indulging in some naked running. Realising, a little too late, that he might offend certain onlookers, he gallantly slipped in some mud and covered his extremities.
Best quotes “I’ve had chinese food and I’ve seen it three times.” Mike ‘The Charmer’, Eastwood “As long as no one tickles my nipples, I don’t give a fuck.” ‘The Bard’, Woodland Court
More pictures To see all your beautiful faces go onto the mintyfresh page on Facebook. Type in these letters and symbols: www.facebook.com/mintyfresh
Q&A What biscuit would you be and why? “A chocolate hobnob with caramel inside because I like to get licked.” ‘A Classy Lady’ in the queue for Cheese Night, Eastwood.
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Moving on in
For the main freshers’ constituency, your first day was dominated by unpacking, bidding adieu to family and a few awkward drinking games, but it’s not all about you. It’s pretty amusing watching vast crowds of people attempting to
keep their worldly possessions dry while maintaining their enthusiasm for their bright new beginnings. It’s also useful to scope you lot out before the remarkable metamorphosis that occurs during the nighttimes. It’s a magical transformation.
Monday Highlights
A litmus test of questions suggests that most our postgrads are looking forward to getting stuck in over the next week with events such as an open mic night, pub quiz and their very own ‘Big Party’. The details of which are rather hush hush. Here in mintyfresh towers we speculate secret codes, blindfolds and invitations that self-destruct after five seconds. Upstairs the international fresher’s were taking advantage of the quiet before the storm with a cup of tea and a bit of civilised conversation. Some of the international students have flown in from as far as Korea and the United States, with many closer to home but still reluctant to turn down free food and drink! A rather raucous group in the corner were keen to inform mintyfresh that they would be hitting up the cheese night later on a sure sign that just because you’re suffering from jetlag, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! An example to us all!
Fresher of the night
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Mature UG Students Welcome
Outside, the fury of the heavens bucketed down on hordes of people walking to stock up at Fresh. It’s probably not an omen. Rumour has it that the store quickly sold out of towels, hairdryers and condoms. Inside, we’ve had events for both our postgrad and international students. While freshers were recovering from their first hangovers, the postgraduate freshers were celebrating their first night with a little more elegance. The wine and cheese night, a staple of the postgrad timetable, was the perfect way for the more intellectual amongst us to break the ice and celebrate the start of their fresher’s events. Students’ Union Officers Chris Clements, Hanna Wade and Alex Pool delivered speeches welcoming the ‘older’ freshers who, having only recently arrived in Bath, seemed to be getting on like a house on fire. Our measure of success can only be epitomised by Clemmo’s concern that ‘we may actually run out of cheese’.
8W 2.20
10:15 - 12:05 13:15 - 15:05 City Tours, see your new home!
VC Speech
City Tours
Sports Hall
Town
10:30 - 12:00 13:00 - 14:30 15:30 - 16:30
15:00-18:00
PG Open Mic
Film Night
Komedia
5W 2.4
19:30- 23:00
20:00 - 22:00
Launch Night! with The Chip Shop Boys Sports Hall
21:00 - 02:00
Ollie, Eastwood, is today’s Fresher of the Night, for his astounding efforts to complete two tankards of a formidable concoction including but not limited to: beer, vodka, energy drink, fizzy wine, a forkful of stir fry and rice. To ongoing choruses of encouragement Ollie completed
the first one, and all present were both shocked and impressed that the mixture didn’t reappear. Ollie then really stepped up to the plate by suggesting he try again. Kindly, his housemates supplied him a bucket before taking bets on how long he would hold down the mixture. Above and beyond.