bathimpact Volume 14 Issue 08

bathimpact The University of Bath Students’ Union Newspaper

Monday 25th February 2013

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Sarah M Stewart

Volume 14 Issue 8

Your newspaper. Your news.

Tia Skinner

Your total guide to 2013 Varsity ~

Alex Pool Education Of cer sueducation@bath.ac.uk

O

n the 18th of February the University announced that it has signed a Memorandum of Understanding to become a partner in Futurelearn. Futurelearn is a new for-pro t company founded by the Open University, allowing free and open access to online courses.

There are currently sixteen other Universities nationwide signed up to the Futurelearn project, including Bristol, Cardiff and Exeter .

These universities make up the newly formed GW4 research group; the initiative has also been created in partnership with the British Library.

Futurelearn is looking to utilise the growing eld of MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses). The rst MOOC started in 2008 at

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Canada’s University of Manitoba, with 2,300 students enrolled for free on the online programme. Since then the eld has developed substantially, with similar initiatives such as Coursera in the appearing in the U.S, which offers 221 courses from thirty-three Universities.

MOOCs organised by for-pro t organisations have come under recent criticism for not supporting students enough, including from Professor Josie Taylor at the Online and Open-

access Learning in Higher Education conference: “If you think the target audience for the MOOC you are about to launch could include a lot of inexperienced learners, then as a teacher, as a pedagogue, you have an obligation to provide for them ways in which they can be supported. If you don’t, you are abdicating your responsibility to the people you are encouraging in – and ethically that is not a good thing to do.”

comment

politics

Arranged marriage: locked into love

Arranged marriage: locked into love

On nerds, by nerds, for nerds

Scarlett Clark looks at the culture surrounding arranged marriage and whether it can ever be successful.

Scarlett Clark looks at the culture surrounding arranged marriage and whether it can ever be successful.

Ron Morrow explores the increasing presence of geek culture in the mainstream but questions whether this is acceptance.

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Monday 25th February 2013

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Editorials

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The rise and fall of Pistorius L

ondon 2012 seems well and truly over. Stories of lost funding, lost jobs and job centres have littered the UK press as athletes adapt to the return of their normal lives after a few weeks of ecstasy. However, nothing compares to the fallout in South Africa where national hero Oscar Pistorius is currently in the midst of a bail hearing on the charge of murdering his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. The case has been one of the most high pro le falls from grace of a man who was a hero to millions around the world for becoming the rst Paralympian to compete in the able bodied games, perhaps forever ruining

his image as the poster boy for overcoming adversity in sport.

The most obvious parallel is the case of O.J. Simpson who is most likely known by most of our readers as the man who famously avoided murder charges and also occasionally threw a football. It’s often forgotten that O.J. Simpson was one of the greatest players of his generation, the first back in history to rush for over 2,000 yards in a season (the only man to do so in a 14 game season), was a three time NFL player of the year, played in six Pro Bowls and still holds the record for yards-per-game average. However, to find these stats

you have to wade through pages of articles concerning the 1994 murder of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and his 2008 arrest for armed robbery and kidnap. Anyone of our generation remembers him as a criminal first and a football player second and there is certainly the potential that Pistorius will face the same fate.

Obviously this trial is just beginning and it seems like it has the potential to be as long and drawn out as the Simpson case, but this will forever tarnish his reputation.

Come the 2016 Paralympics Pistorius’ records will still stand, but instead of reverence in their voice

the commentators will speak with hushed tones, seemingly ashamed of the pedestal they once played him on. The true consequences will not be known until the trial comes to a close, but Pistorius can no longer be seen as the role model he was once. He is still one of the greatest Paralympians of all time, but that does not mean he can’t be a murderer and it should never be used as a redeeming factor in what he has done. However, this also comes as a reminder to us about the dangers of hero worship, as building someone up so high often only means that the fall is that much harder.

Futurelearn is coming to Bath O

n the 18th of February, University of Bath signed up to join the free, online learning project Futurelearn (see front page for the full story).

This initiative has been set up with the aim of increasing accessibility to higher education and broadening opportunities for people, allowing them free access to learning. bathimpact is obviously not opposed to this concept. Education is one of the basic human rights and efforts should be made to ensure that higher education is not just the privilege or experience of the rich.

As students at Bath this new move towards free learning also draw into stark contrast the large, and ever increasing fees that

we are paying. Obviously, being present on campus itself and having access to face-to-face interaction with tutors is worth £9,000 of fees compared to the experience of those undertaking courses with Futurelearn.

In fact this subject has caused discussion within bathimpact, a discussion that led to a debate about how much actual contact time members have all actually had with tutors and lecturers.

Very little, and in some cases some members of bathimpact have never met their tutors, despite efforts to set up meetings. So, are fee paying students actually getting more for our money, than what would be available to us for free with Futurelearn? What about those un-

dertaking course with The Open University? Surely, they have even more reason to feel aggrieved by their fee structure.

Everyone wants a lie in. For the significant price of a few thousand pounds to receive a similar level of education and access to resources, Bath students have to haul themselves out of bed rather than being able to learn from the comfort of their own beds and homes.

Futurelearn has a lot to offer and only time will tell whether it can seek to replace traditional education institutions. But the rise of viable e-learning must make those traditional institutions ask themselves how they serve their students. Talking about Futurelearn made it abundantly clear what

many fee paying students don’t feel like they are getting - despite great financial strain on their part.

The other question that comes into mind is what does this mean for the future of fee paying student numbers? Will even those that can afford it favour a free option instead? After all it seems senseless to be burdened with debt for years, if not decades of your working life, when you could get the same education for free.

Tutorials, seminars, one to one interaction - if you ask most students they would express an interest in all such activities. The rise of e-learning makes all of those things even more desirable. It is a good time now for all current students to demand more.

Is the Church ready for this?

I

f you are lucky enough not to have spent the last couple of weeks in a cave then you will probably have heard that the Pope will be stepping down at the end of February. This highly unusual move came with less warning than many of the deaths of his predecessors and yet behind the scenes there will be some who are breathing a sigh of relief.

Conclave is a logistical nightmare. It requires hundreds of Cardinals to drop everything and fly halfway around the world, it requires the biographies of the various candidates to be released and spun in a timely fashion to the world’s press and it requires organising a funeral to be attended by thousands and thousands of people. All in the space of a couple of weeks.

So in spite of the unconventional nature of this move it could

be good for the church to have more time. However there is another side to the extra wait. Knowing when a Papacy will end gives plenty of time for pressure groups and those with a vested interest to speak to their nearest Cardinal. In fact the length of sede vacante (the time when there is no Pope in situ) has been roughly doubled. Whilst a normal Conclave would require Cardinals to be at the Vatican so quickly that there is almost no point in which they are unsheltered, this latest election has plenty of time for politics and other motives to creep in.

This means that those who think that it is time for the Papacy to return to an Italian, or those who want a South American Pope, or an African Pope, or a liberal or a conservative or anything, have plenty of time to air their concerns.

It would not be surprising therefore if it took several ballots before the successful election of a new Pope, and right now it has never been more important for the Church to be certain about the direction it should be heading.

After the long reign of John Paul II, a man who had a large number of incredibly conservative views, replacing him with another conservative in Benedict XVI showed a Church attempting to hold an untenable line. With one billion followers, who grow more liberal every decade, and with countries like ours looking at legislation on issues like gay marriage it has never been more important to get these decisions right.

Yet the options look thin on the ground. There are certainly candidates who will break the mould in various respects but mostly the list consists of spry sixty-somethings

holding traditional Catholic values, each of whom could feasibly hold the chair for 15 years.

Thinking back to the world 15 years ago and the strength of the issues facing the Holy See, it is easy to become quickly concerned.

It will be more and more difficult to maintain a position of highest morality if more and more people disagree with you.

There will be some in the Church who are keeping this in mind and will continue to do so when casting their ballot, but for many it simply is not important. The importance for them lies in being resolute with regards to scripture and long-established Church teachings. The Catholic Church faces many difficulties and controversies yet but for most it has little to do with politics. One can only hope that the Church is ready for what lies down that road should they take it.

Rowan Emslie Editor-in-Chief impact-editor@bath.ac.uk

Elliott Campbell Deputy Editor impact-deputy@bath.ac.uk

Gabriela Georgieva Design Editor impact-design@bath.ac.uk

Thomas Gane bite Editor impact-bite@bath.ac.uk

Liv Hows News and Comment Editor impact-news@bath.ac.uk

Benjamin Butcher Features Editor impact-features@bath.ac.uk

Matthew Powell Sport Editor impact-sport@bath.ac.uk

Caleb Wheeler-Robinson Photography Editor impact-photo@bath.ac.uk

Katharine Agg Online Editor impact-it@bath.ac.uk

Scarlett Clark Publicity Of cer impact-publicity@bath.ac.uk

Aran Gnana Treasurer impact-money@bath.ac.uk

Nick Hill Media Of cer su-media-of cer@bath.ac.uk

Advertising Enquires Helen Freeman H.Freeman@bath.ac.uk 01225 386806 www.facebook.com/bathimpact bathimpact.tublr.com

bathimpact Students’ Union University of Bath Bath BA2 7AY 01225 38 6151

STUDENT

m edia The opinions expressed in bathimpact are not necessarily those of the bathimpact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. bathimpact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct.

Please contact them for any information.

Monday 25th Februay 2013

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“A shop-window mannequin, with no personality of her own.”

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The unfortunately worded Oscar Pistorius advert pulled by Nike last week

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£2.34 billion £22 billion Amount raised in Ofcom’s 4G auction.

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UPCOMING EVENT

NATIONAL

INTERNATIONAL

Students’ Union Of cer Elections

The Of ce of National Statistics (ONS) has stated that the number of people receiving Jobseekers’ Allowance is at a two-year low, due to a large increase in employment. According to the ONS, at the end of 2012 30 million people were in work, which is the highest records have been since 1971. However, youth unemployment is the highest it has been for a year.

IBM is to supply technology and services to upgrade the mobile phone networks of 16 nations in sub-Saharan Africa. Having a presence in Africa that spans 50 years, IBM has in the last ve years invested $300 million in the region for both the building of data centres and the creation of technology training programs.

Campaigning starts on the 4th March and runs for two weeks. Nominations close 12 noon 1st March.

Polling opens on Tuesday 12th March and closes at 10pm 14th March.

UPCOMING EVENT

LOCAL

EDUCATION

UPCOMING EVENT

The Independent Bath Literature Festival. Described as ‘10 days of literary inspiration, debate and performance’, the Bath Literature Festival has in the past features writers such as Kazuo Ishiguro, Wendy Cope, and Terry Pratchett. This year’s festival is to run from the 1st March to the 10th March, with more information can be found on www.bathlitfest.org.uk.

England Netball has made an announcement that the University of Bath will be the hosts for one of their new Intensive Netball training Centres. The scheme has been created in the hope that the network of training centres will improve the standard of the country’s most talented netballers, and aid in England Netball’s hopes of reaching the Netball World Championships by 2019.

The Scottish government’s call to have a legally-enforced cap on tuition fees has come into question, with University leaders urging them to re-think it. The worry from critics of the Scottish government’s plan is that non-Scottish pupils studying there may feel that they are ‘cash cows’, and may prevent them from going to university at all.

ALDI - The Best of the South West Varsity versus Exeter Date: 2nd March 2013.

Featuring such events as Men’s football and Women’s Netball, Men’s Football. A Post-Varsity ‘Blow Out’ organised by RAG in The Plug starting at 5pm.

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“They don’t teach you about how much money you’re going to spend”

Caleb Wheeler-Robinson Simon Rushton bathimpact Reporter

Fresher F results: your time so far Which? performed a survey to see how university lives up to freshers’ expectations.

or the last few months Which? have been working to produce a report on freshers and their experiences entering into the unknown world of university. The survey consisted of questioning 1200 students and covered emotional, social, nancial and educational issues. The results overall are positive, with the aim being to sway those last few undecided ALevels students to take what they believe is a risk, and go to university.

Firstly, the majority of people questioned found living away from home, which is largely a necessity in rst year, far easier than expected, an experience that many freshers will be going through for the rst time. On top of this an even higher percentage found that making friends was far easier than expected. It’s even more reassuring to know that once settled in, the majority of people surveyed had already joined a club or a society, key places to build friendships and support networks.

Despite this there is a worry that it’s the same people who have found

“I wake up some days and wonder if it’s a dream - I love my life so much”

moving away easily, who have then made the new friends and joined the clubs and societies; hence feel better about moving away. This is great for these people, but then there is still a minority of people who get left in a very different situation. They are left in a vicious circle; these are the people we should look out for.

Then unfortunately comes the nancial aspect and the ndings Which? made about the troubles students face with nance management. This problem has affected 39% freshers, the survey says, with around 240 of the 1200 people, having already dipped into their overdraft. To combat this risk a similar number of students have been resourceful and found part time employment. It would seem that the root of this nancial burden is excessive socialising as 40% of the student’s questioned feel that nancial issues are inhibiting their social life. However, more worryingly than this their socialising may be forced upon them as one-third of people felt pressured to go out.

Now to the ‘important’, very expensive bit of university, the learning. 45% of the people surveyed

found that the extra cost of the course was more than expected, a problem faced within many disciplines across all universities. However, then after that initial shock the majority of people are enjoying their course more than they thought they would, a very positive sign.

However, on the other side of the coin, 18% had considered changing courses and 2% took the gamble and actually did it. Despite paying £9000 to be there, a worrying 6% of the students decided not to go to over half of their lectures.

The nal positive result is the resourcefulness shown by freshers; 17% had visited their university’s careers of ce and one in ten had made the most of their student services to discuss nancial issues.

So to summarise, we have learnt that despite paying three times as much than the majority of current students, this year’s intake are a resourceful bunch who make the most of the opportunities that you only get at university. They are largely coping well with living away from home and are relishing their new found independence. Plus, they occasionally do some learning on the side.

Monday 25th February 2013

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The future of Catholicism Alice Preedy bathimpact Reporter

C

ardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI 8 years ago in 2005. On the morning of 11th February, the world awoke to the shocking news of his decision to resign, making him the rst pontiff to do so in nearly 600 years.

Reactions have varied from respect, acceptance, disappointment and even enthusiasm from the soon-to-be exPope’s critics. Currently, speculation continues not only over his successor but also the reasons behind the Pope’s unexpected announcement and the legacy he will leave behind. bathimpact conducted an interview with the University’s Roman Catholic Chaplain, Father Bill M., OSM, to gain his personal insights into recent events and the questions which have subsequently been raised over the future of the Catholic Church.

How would you describe your reaction upon hearing of Pope Benedict XVI’s resignation? “[A]long with pretty well everybody in the Catholic Church I was taken aback by the news. What was clear was that most everybody else in the broad public and the media proved to be astonished too. [H]aving read the Holy Father’s statement…[I] realised that it was a decision of great courage and characteristic clarity of mind and action.”

The Pope has undoubtedly been confronted with a number of controversies during his papacy. How would you describe the legacy he will leave behind?

“Some have seen the role of the Pope as trying to lead the ock of 1.2 billion Catholics…against the currents of modern Western values.

What might be less well understood was that this Pastor, who was once seen as a young liberal theologian…was among those urging the Church to enter into a great dialogue with the Modern World.”

dian Cardinal Ouellet. Furthermore, Father Bill highlighted the fact that the papal of ce is hardly one being vied for among Cardinals, describing it as “a huge responsibility. Few, if any at all, would campaign for it.”

How do you see the role of the Catholic Church and, in particular the papal role, in modern society? Do you think this will change in the future?

“The role of Pope is not static. It has changed over the centuries…

Popes will vary in the style and the character of their service...Papal Speculatours around tion is ongothe World of ing over Pope modern times and Benedict XVI’s the recent visits in successor. In your humberpike 1982 of the charismatic opinion, who are the Pope Blessed John Paul II at the most likely candidates?

“The conclave to select the next tense moment of the Falklands War Pope is a month away but puzzling and that of Pope Benedict with a over who will succeed has been go- much simpler and less ostentatious ing on for some time, long before this style in 2010, despite all the negaannouncement by Pope Benedict…. tive media coverage that preceded, [There is] a rich choice into which the show how the Of ce of Pope helps electing Cardinals may dip. The ru- the Church to rise above the weakmour factor is rife and your guess at ness and tensions of the moment that inevitably pass away while taking a that level is as good as mine.”

Father Bill offered one example of longer view.” a likely papal candidate, the Cana-

How do you think the Catholic Church has coped and will cope with challenging current issues, such as gay marriage?

“Where it is faithful, it has responded and will respond by its continuing to stand by the truth of Marriage in every time and place and must do so again in the face of a false understanding of equality…Our faith leads us to uphold the dignity of every human person, and condemn every form of injustice that undermines this God given dignity. We fall short of that ideal many times but it would be a failure, however, on the part of the Church if we were not to defend… the beautiful teaching of Christ that Marriage is the lasting union of one man and one woman which forms the foundation of the family.”

Have you witnessed a change in the number of young people interested in Catholicism in recent years?

“The World Youth Days…by the recent Popes have made young Catholics strongly aware that they are far from alone in the practise of their Faith…The lling of Hyde Park in 2010 to capacity with young people gathered…for a time of profound prayer on their knees in silence before the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist along with the Pope was the culmination of a series of teachings to the young throughout the Papal visit.”

B

Roger Gittins

B&NES vote on new budget Anthony Masters bathimpact Reporter ath and North East Somerset Council have voted on its 2013-14 budgets, after Cabinet members promised to protect frontline services. For the third consecutive year, B&NES Council has frozen council tax.

The local council intends to make £30m of budget savings over three years, made necessary due to reductions in central government grants and other things placing increased demands on council services. In 201314, there will be ef ciency savings of £5.6m, £2.1m lost in service reductions.

The Liberal Democrats initially proposed to reform the early years and children’s centres, which included a reduction of their budgets by nearly 40% over the next three years.

Labour councillors would only support the overall budget if these plans were stalled for one year, by utilising money from council reserves and the central government’s New Homes bo-

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B&NES council are to make drastic changes to spending ever, continue its capital programme, nus.

B&NES Council will decrease us- spending £32m on the Bath Transage of the mobile library service, close portation Package.

The Liberal Democrats highlight some public toilets, end pest control services and cease the voluntary Ac- that no libraries are being shut down, creditation Scheme for private ac- there are no cuts to front-line youth commodation. The council will, how- services; and the council will be re-

taining weekly collections and making over 70 loans to small businesses.

Cllr Paul Crossley (Liberal Democrat, Southdown), B&NES Council leader said “Times are not easy. This is as true for our residents as it is for businesses and for this council, and because we listen and we care, this council will continue to provide the services that matter to our residents.”

Opposition parties heavily disparaged the budget. The Labour group were ostentatious about speci c cuts prior to their amendment; Cllr Liz Hardman (Labour, Paulton) said: “It was almost impossible to believe that the council wanted to target its largest budget cuts on the youngest and most vulnerable members of our community.” Conservative councillors emphasised that earmarked money was being used to cover budgetary shortfalls.

Cllr Charles Gerrish (Conservative, Keynsham North) stated “It seems totally perverse for the Council to raid funding set aside for community projects in order to paper over holes in its overall budget.”

Voting opens for Ideas to Action Chris Clements SU President supresident@bath.ac.uk On Tuesday voting will open on Ideas to Action, giving you the chance to have your say on what the Students’ Union is working on and on submissions to the National Union of Students (NUS).

There are a number of submissions proposed to NUS National Conference which will be open for voting on. In recent years there haven’t been a large number of submissions from Bath. These suggestions shape the work of the national union on your behalf. Four delegates will attend national conference in April to discuss and vote on motions, as well as voting on elections for the coming leaders of the NUS, including voting on the NUS President.

Submissions proposed include: increasing NUS support for best practice sharing amongst societies and sports clubs across the country, lobbying to improve education advice in schools and supporting education for employability.

One submission for a suggested motion came directly from a first year, who suggested that one thing that should be voted on was to increase the levels of careers advice and support in schools. The motion is to ask to help students make more informed educational choices.

On a local level the ideas open for voting on include the availability of water on campus, cash machines and if the SU should lobby for the introduction of recyclable jacket potato containers in Pitstop. If you would like to discuss any of these issues then forums will be running alongside the votes, and also the SU Officers are available to answer any of your questions.

One example, reusable jacket potato containers, gives the choice of using environmentally friendly containers, but will come at a cost of approximately 10p on each item.

Any student is open to submit ideas they would like the Students’ Union to work on at www.bathstudent.com/campaigns/ideastoaction

The team at bathimpact would like to apologise for some incorrect information that was in the last issue. An article said that the University of Bath would like to raise tuition fees. This is not the case. The correct information can be found in the University’s Annual Statement of Accounts report at: http://www.bath.ac.uk/about/pdfs/accounts-2011-12.pdf

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Dan Pearson bathimpact Writer

H

ow many times has this happened to you?

You’re out on the town, having the absolute time of your young, carefree life. What started as a “quiet one” somehow, swiftly and inexplicably, escalated into a full-blown, all-out, mind boggling, dance busting, gut wrenching, heartjuddering, speech slurring whirlwind of a tour through the best of Bath’s pubs and clubs, which, perhaps for the best, you’ll forget all about by the morning.

Now picture this. The bass of the loud song you were displaying all your signature moves on, a mere four hours ago, is now pounding through your skull like a power drill on caffeine, your alarm is screeching at you to wrench your eyes open and you realise, with your heart plummeting towards the ground faster than your spectacular face-plant last night, that your all-important 9:15 lecture is today. Insert profound swearing here.

Yes folks, we’ve all been here - the ever raging con ict between living the student life and striving for a successful career. Even if you haven’t experienced this rst hand, you will at least be familiar with the amusing and slightly pitiful observation of such specimens as they wrench the lecture room’s door open and dramatically ing themselves into the nearest available seat, expressing their intense pain and suffering through a series of loud moans, and

looking as though they have been dragged through a hedge backwards (which, given contemporary student escapades, is actually an entirely plausible explanation).

I confess to being said sufferer on countless occasions, and my attempts to make it to early lectures are medal worthy. I am beginning to learn from my mistakes, but recently I have been thinking about how this may affect my learning at University.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to launch into a lecture on how drinking is bad for you and your education. I simply wish to provide a short, personal account of my experiences, and this will perhaps offer some insight into how you may avoid similar mistakes for the future.

First year of course, automatically encompasses one word in particular, a word that evokes joy and happiness in students and much eye rolling from parents: Freshers. A time to celebrate your new found independence, attempt new experiences and taste the sweet (and sour) avours of freedom. I’m not talking about Freshers’ WEEK here folks, I’m talking FRESHERS’ YEAR. Each week for me was a new adventure, discovering new places and meeting new people. Whilst I enjoyed my lectures and my course, they de nitely took a back seat in my life, and safe to say I wasn’t alone. Many of my friends felt the same, and this seems natural to life in halls, skipping the occasional morning lecture because the night before was far more important. So

Caleb Wheeler-Robinson

Are you drinking away your degree?

One too many of these could signi cantly decrease the chances of you achieving a good grade imagine my shock when assignment deadlines pushed me straight into all-nighters in the library, struggling to complete essays and leaving me tired and miserable. I had to seriously pull my act together- and luckily realised this before it was too late.

By Second Year, I had become much more organised, partially

due to the increased importance of achieving good grades, but also due to the nature of settling down (even if only a little bit). I’m still having the time of my life, but my rst year has taught me to plan ahead, and as a result, I feel happier and more motivated to give my degree my maximum effort.

If, from my personal experiences, I could give one piece of advice to rst years, it would be to continue having the absolute time of your life. Don’t let anything stop you from experiencing all the thrills of University but also plan ahead, and reconsider whether that 9:15 is actually more bene cial to you than you rst thought.

Anonymous bathimpact Writer

ith modern Western society becoming ever more obsessed with stick-thin models, calories and size, it is no wonder that a good portion of our generation are unhappy with their bodies. You only have to ick through a few pages of a typical glossy mag to realise that it is almost an expectation to become a slave to the scales. Many people long to lose a little weight because they are convinced that it will give them new found con dence and a more positive outlook on life. In the media, we are constantly bombarded by a variety of adverts advocating this ‘fact’.

According to their assumptions, being slim will make you gloriously happy, as well as attracting potential partners. It is even being encouraged by certain celebrities – Kate Moss’s comment of “nothing tastes better than skinny feels” comes to mind. I am not condemning all weight loss, as sometimes it is essential to improve physical health where obese

puuikibeach

Will being slimmer make me happier?

W

Becoming a slave to the scales can be a sign of a diet problem patients are concerned. My question myself at the end of 2011, I was inuenced by the media and decided is though, what happens when it goes to go on a diet. Almost straight away, too far?

Having never been naturally the pounds started to melt away and ‘skinny’, I had been a healthy size 12 my bathroom scales became my best for the past few years. However, after friend. I counted calories religiously, seeing some un attering photos of exercised every day and reminded

myself that skinny would equal happiness. After a while, what was originally a healthy eating plan turned into some sort of addiction. I would weigh myself daily and deliberately skip meals, being overwhelmed with guilt if I ever ate over a thousand calories. Over the summer, this routine turned into a nasty spiral of decline.

Instead of the weight loss unveiling a more con dent version of myself, I had become an introverted, snappy and completely self-obsessed nightmare of a person. My life revolved around what I ate and where I could t my next run in; I had no interest in family activities and seeing friends. I could probably be described as a hermit. To put it bluntly, striving to be like a living Barbie had turned my life into a living hell.

Luckily, I nally realised that I was treading a very dangerous path and, with the help of my family, am now on the way to complete recovery. Cases of anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders are becoming increasingly more common in recent years, and cause more death than any

other mental illness. It is important to understand that life is not worth living if you are constantly punishing your body with self-hatred and worthlessness. Letting weight and materialism govern your life will not do you any favours and in the eyes of the ‘weight-loss monster’, no amount of pounds lost will ever be enough to satisfy it. Embrace and enjoy life instead of spending it trying to conform to society’s unrealistic image of the perfect human being. Every person on this planet is different and it really doesn’t matter if you don’t have the physique of a ballerina or the face of Mila Kunis. Learn to love your body the way it is and you will enjoy life much more than if you were perpetually ghting for a materialistic dream yielding false promises. In my opinion, taking regular exercise, engaging in hobbies and being surrounded by good friends is much better than what I’ve mentioned above.

So, next time you’re offered a yummy slice of chocolate cake/ something equally delicious, stuff the diet and say yes!

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Hilary Aked bathimpact Writer he Israel-Palestine con ict featured heavily in the comment and politics pages of the pre-Christmas bathimpact following the headline-grabbing violence there in November. Attempts to understand and engage in the issues around this long-standing situation, are very welcome. However, the starting point for both articles – in common, it should be said, with most mainstream media outlets, appeared to be the view that this is a ‘war’ between two equivalent ‘sides’. This is very far from the truth.

Sarah Aston’s piece made a laudable attempt at contextualising the recent intense violence but did not communicate the essential dynamic which characterises the situation.

References to ‘Palestine’ are problematic since no one political leadership represents the Palestinian people and they have, of course, no state. For the

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In Gaza, farmers are shot at trying to reach their crops”

same reason the phrase ‘Palestinian government’ used to indicate either Hamas in Gaza or PA in the West Bank is inadequate. In some ways it is indeed a complex con ict to discuss.

And it has a very long history. But in some ways the issues are much clear-

er than they are represented. Even if you don’t know what happened in 1917 or in 1948 it is enough to know that today there are roads in the West Bank only for use Israelis but not Palestinians to realise that something is very wrong and to understand something of the oppression Palestinians are facing.

Important facts like this are often missing from British media coverage which too often lapses into misleading journalistic clichés about ‘crisis points’, falsely implying that in the absence of all out bombardment, relative peace reigns. In fact, in the weeks leading up to what Israel called ‘Operation Pillar of Cloud’ at least ten Palestinians – including ve children - were killed by the Israeli military and in the months since a cease re was ostensibly agreed, four more have been killed though their deaths went largely unreported.

It is a dif cult but important task to try to understand the reality of what the blockade of Gaza means for the 1.5 million people living there and what effect the military occupation of the West Bank has on the day to day existence of the 3.5 million Palestinians living there. In Gaza, farmers are shot at trying to reach their crops in the ‘buffer zone’; sherman are shot at by Israeli gun boats; food shortages, massive unemployment and permanently wrecked buildings are the result not just of bombing by one of the world’s largest militaries, but

Amir Farshad Ebrahimi

Misconceptions on Israel-Palestine

Israel are much more heavily armed than Palestinian forces also Israel’s strict control of what can ance of the situation. This is not a war enter and leave the strip including between two equal sides. One side the limitations placed on reconstruc- receives $3 billion military ‘aid’ antion materials. Perhaps hardest to re- nually from the USA while the other, late to is the psychological strain and an impoverished and mostly refugee trauma experienced by every Gazan, population is being subjected to colliving in an enclosed space under con- lective punishment. Saying that the Palestinians ‘have accused’ the Isstant fear of attack.

The article did not mention the raeli government of breaking intertellingly asymmetrical casualty national law is to downplay the wellgures - around 160 Palestinians established fact that Israel has long against 6 Israelis (a ratio consistent violated numerous international laws with every previous bout of heavy and treaties A second article on the topic, violence) - despite the fact that they illustrate well the underlying imbal- which had a sarcastic and cyni-

cal tone, seemed to me to be a selfdefeating attempt to deter students from engaging in this issue. The assertion that ‘it is possible to offend’ supporters of Israel merely by using the words ‘siege’ and ‘apartheid’ overlooks the factual bases for the use of this terminology. Surely the ongoing suffering, offensive to our common humanity, is the real cause for outrage? Would the author call for the National Union of Students to refrain from condemning human rights abuses anywhere else in the world?

The stance our union has taken is a sign of the growing student interest in and support for the Palestinians’ inalienable but long denied human rights and the burgeoning levels of activism in support of those rights on campuses across the UK. If you are interested in this subject Bath Students for Justice in Palestine and Amnesty present: ‘The human rights situation in Israel and the Occupied Palestinian Territories’ - a talk by Saleh Hijazi, Amnesty International researcher on Israel & the OPT Wednesday 27 February 2013 at 1.30PM in Room 3E 2.2 An overview of the current human rights issues in the region suitable for everyone, including those with little or no prior knowledge of the IsraeliPalestinian con ict. All welcome. Refreshments provided.

Rachel Worledge bathimpact Writer love my job. I am a statistician working for the government, speci cally for the Department for Transport.

Some of you may be thinking those two sentences don’t belong together.

But have no fear, I am perfectly sane!

And you never know by the end of this article, one or two of you may even want to join me…

I am a statistician on the Analytical Fast Stream graduate scheme which has the grand aim to nd the best of today and fast-track them to become the leaders of tomorrow.

Fast Streamers complete four 12 month postings in a range of departments (and locations) before promotion. By working in different departments, we get to work on issues ranging from in ation and housing prices to student fees to climate change to EU shing legislation…the list goes on and on.

So what do I actually do? Well, unfortunately the most exciting piece I’m working on is so ‘hush hush’ that I’m not allowed to speak about it. Very useful when trying to tell people how

I

Jorge Franganillo

Consider a future as a statistician

You don’t need to be a mathematician to be a statistician awesome my work is… I can say I’ve are currently mostly from counts done been working with policy colleagues, by little old men on the side of the economists and social researchers on road). I’m responsible for reporting to driving habits and attitudes towards Europe and have even become a pubthe roads. I’ve designed and commis- lished author on freight statistics!

In terms of training, I’ve already sioned a survey, performed analysis been on two statistical, one economand given advice.

I’m collaborating with Transport ics and one communication course, for London on greater harmonisation and various e-learning courses on the between our traf c statistics and am inner workings on government and assessing how we can use the MOT parliament.

And I’ve only been here 5 months! database to improve our stats (which

I also have a great work-life balance - I work 36 hours per week (including one day from home) and have exi-time. If I have a deadline I’m expected to work late to nish it, but any overtime I work contributes towards another day off. The starting salary ranges from £25,000-£27,000 which will increase to £44,000-£50,000 upon promotion.

So how did I end up here? I never had a career plan. I knew I liked numbers so I applied for an MMath at Bath and assumed I’d work it out once I got here.

At careers events when I said I was a mathematician I was told teaching, accountancy, banks, teaching, accountancy, banks… Each event left me more depressed than the last – I wanted to do statistics! But one Google search later and I knew the Fast Stream was for me!

You don’t have to be doing maths – if you are working towards at least a 2:1 in any degree containing some statistics you can apply. Psychologists, sociologists and economists often do really well and at my assessment centres there were even geographers and an astrophysicist!

So I worked my way through an (absurdly long!) application form skipping a lecture on Medical Statistics to write a section on why I wanted a career in statistics (what irony) in order to meet the deadline. So start early!

Next came two assessment centres.

One was statistical, testing my technical knowledge and how I explain my analysis to non-statisticians. The other tested aspects including communicating with impact, building relationships and drive to succeed via presentations, group work, written exercises and interviews.

So if you ever see a headline involving a statistic and wonder where and how they got it and what it means in practice, I highly suggest you follow in my footsteps and apply for the Analytical Fast Stream.

The next application window is March 4th – April 10th. For more information check out http://faststream.civilservice.gov.uk/The-FastStreams/Analytical-Fast-Stream/ Statistician-Fast-Stream/ or email questions to me at Rachel.Worledge@ dft.gsi.gov.uk.

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Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Politics

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What does Mali mean for Africa?

Alex Egan looks at the implications of the French intervention in Mali A second reason, and perhaps more importantly, for the intervention could be the common fear of Islamists and al-Qaeda’s growing prominence within the continent.

The entrenchment of al-Qaeda as a dominating force in Mali could mean a new haven for terrorists even closer to Europe and America than before. The growing fear of Islam amongst European nations is deeply embedded in culture and

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There has been increasing sympathy for Islam in North Africa.”

is often the justi cation for action from full-scale intervention to drone attacks.

There has been increasing sympathy for Islam in North Africa in recent year. Previously recognised as a landmark seizure of democracy in the region, the Arab Spring has quickly turned into an Islamic Spring. Although far from the radical Islamists seen in Mali, electoral victories in Tunisia and Egypt by Muslim Brotherhood parties and the on-going Islamic turmoil in Su-

dan are points of concern for Western countries hoping for a fresh start with the Arab countries.

Further reasons for intervention include the Sahara region’s production of oil and gas, something which the west increasingly relies upon.

This combined with potential loss of business in North Africa, could prove to be perilous for other countries.

It is France, who has 6000 citizens within Mali, who has taken the lead in the protecting Mali and its citizens from Tuareg-jihadist conquests after a personal appeal from Malian president, Dioncounda Tracoré, and combined with the rebels’ menacing proximity to the southern capital of Bamako.

It is unclear how much longer the French forces will remain in Mali, but it seems that the con ict will not be over any time soon. The situation was brought to a head in the Algerian gas plant hostage crisis, where angry al-Qaeda supporters insisted on the backing-down of French forces in the former colony in exchange for the freedom of gas workers; 39 foreign hostages perished.

The terrorists used similar tactics in trying to negotiate large payments for French citizens they had also

already captured and threatened to execute. Despite initial hesitation, due to such threats, Hollande pressed ahead with intervention.

Could this mean a French Afghanistan? The swooping in of French forces upon the Islamist rebels certainly carries familiar un-

dertones with the war on Afghanistan, with the potential entry into a con ict with the best intentions yet harmful consequences. However, it is important to realise that no single war is the same and Mali is certainly no Afghanistan, but the lessons of war must be learnt.

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ver the past decade the world has witnessed various confrontations in Africa: from Sierra Leone in 2000 to intervention in both the Ivory Coast and Libya in 2011. A new country arises in this sea of con ict now: Mali. As a dominant participant in the international arena, France’s intervention in Mali signi cant global issue with rami cations in not only Africa, but also the European and North American continents.

In March 2012 a military coup, sparked by the army’s frustration with the then government’s inability to suppress Tuareg insurgencies pushed the country into uncertainty. However, the army could not sustain its own military-led government and in a matter of weeks the northern rebels, spearheaded by the Tuareg nationalist movement, took over. Al-Qaeda’s ever-growing presence in North Africa seemed set.

The Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS) French intervention seemed self-explanatory. The plight of the Malian in the North worsened; harsh sharia law, which included severe punishments such as stoning for adultery and amputation of hands for theft, was enacted.

The USA has also been helping with supplies to Northern Mali

The question of European migration B

ans) to control the in ux. Initial estimates of net migration from Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic into the UK at around 20,000 were soon blasted out of the water, and by 2010 this gure stood at 252,000; over twelve times the government’s prediction.

This has not helped the EU’s case in Britain, and is considered one of the reasons for British animosity

towards the EU- and it’s citizens.

Sarah Mulley of the Institute for Public Policy Research said that “the public are concerned about the migration aspects of the European Union. The pro-European movement needs to come up with a positive case for the free movement of people as part of the European project”. The UK has European treaty obligations which kismihok

Ailbhe Rees bathimpact Writer ulgarians and Romanians have been free to live in the UK since 2007, but have had to apply for a permit in order to work. In 2014, this restriction will be lifted, and Bulgarian and Romanian nationals, like any other EU citizens, will have the right to work in the UK. A huge change? Probably not. UKIP’s Geoffrey Bloom says this needs to be stopped “in order to protect our borders and citizens”. But 2014 isn’t separate from 2004. 2014 will see the nal stage of the accession process begun in 2004. Those treating 2014 as a ‘choice’ in which the UK has a say should recognise that this is a decision which was made ten years ago- there’s no changing it now. So why the uproar?

Part of the fear stems from the fact that in 2004, the Labour government severely underestimated the number of people from Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic that would come to Britain. France, Germany and Spain (among others) had transitional restrictions in place for these nationals (as well as Bulgarians and Romani-

Romanians will soon be allowed to work in the UK without a permit

mean Bulgarians and Hungarians will gain the right to live and work in the UK in 2014; ‘stopping it’, as Geoffrey Bloom would like, is an impossibility. But is there really anything to fear?

This ‘wave’ of immigration, predicted to hit the UK next year, is unlikely to be as big as some seem to believe. Whitehall have not released their current predictions,

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2014 will see Britain ful l her treaty obligations towards the EU”

but Scott Blinder, acting director of the Migration Observatory at Oxford University, said: “If you compare what is going to happen next year with what happened in 2004, most of what we know suggests it will be a smaller impact, smaller scale event”. There are many reasons for this. For a start, there’s the fact that some of it has already happened; borders have been open since 1989. But the main reason is that Bulgarian and Romanian nationals will be dispersed all over

Europe; in 2004 the UK was one of few nations allowing immediate free entry for Polish, Czech and Hungarian nationals, but in 2014 transitional restrictions end in France, Germany and Spain.

Migration specialists also suggest that Romanians are more likely to go to Italy, Spain and France, with which they share linguistic and cultural links, than to anti-EU Britain.

This is not to say that this change will go unnoticed. In the current context of euroscepticism, nancial insecurity, mass unemployment and enormous public debt, no-one wants a repeat of 2004. There will be political animosity from UKIP and concern from the Conservatives; even Labour admit to having made a mistake by allowing free migration in 2004, and Miliband is nervous to eagerly anticipate migrants. There will be anti-migrant, anti-European sentiment expressed when unemployment gures, crime rates or housing shortages are reported.

But ultimately, 2014 will see Britain ful l her treaty obligations towards the EU. And not without complaint.

Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

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Politics

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Arranged marriage: locked into love

bathimpact’s Scarlett Clark explores the myths and realities of arranged marriages and asks: “can love ever be organised?”

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mrmichel

ove matches start out hot and grow cold, while arranged marriages start out cold and grow hot”. Marriage is a social institution unifying two people in love, shaping a future focusing on creating a family and maintaining a stable relationship.

A wedding usually follows a long term relationship with some of the best moments of conversing common interests, sharing opinions and forming a bond occuring before the ceremony, rather than after. It is not surprising then that the British are outraged when facing the question “are arranged marriages justi able?” One problem we have is the cultural information gap. In India, a third party chooses the ideal spouse for their daughter, if even only meeting a couple of times, but what could lead parents to believe that having their child walk down an aisle to greet a stranger could lead to a happy marriage? One in three marriages ends in divorce in the United Kingdom but in India, where 90% of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is less than 3%. So, does parental guidance conclude in the perfect partner and does a marriage without immediate love stand the test of time?

Arranged marriage is a concept that is closer to home than we may think. During the Victorian period, up until King George V, arranged marriages were a continuous tradition before the present Queen Elizabeth’s father broke the trend by marrying a ‘commoner’. Arranged marriages presuppose that two people are perfectly matched

tien etjien

Arranged marriages are common in India, with roughly 90% of marriages are arranged by third parties because they belong to the same symbolised best by Kim Kardashi- emotional and nancial support.

There is a strong opinion that culture, share the same religious an’s seventy-two day marriage to upbringing, speak the same lan- Kris Humphries, would certainly arranged marriages are a culguage and are raised in more or not be accepted. Instead an ar- tural trademark and should not less the same socio-economic ranged marriage would focalise be judged using Western standclass. However, even having all of and test the honesty of the tradi- ards. We must remember that these common factors have led to tional vows ‘to have and to hold not all love marriages have happy disastrous pairings; just because from this day forward...till death endings. From the perception of one shares heritage, it doesn’t im- us do part’. A perfect marriage is beauty in modern society to exply that they will have interests in something you work for, not some- pectations of ‘love at rst sight’, we must question whether nowacommon. It is possible though that thing granted by the vows.

According to UNICEF, the aver- days accepting your partner at these identical backgrounds make it easier for the couple to com- age age difference in an arranged face value is a solid concept or municate with each other when marriage is 4 to 5 years,which whether couples in Western socidiscussing wants and needs. The seems to be quite surprising for relationships of celebrity culture, the English, believing it would be higher. A common assumption is that arranged marriages are, in 55% of marriages fact, forced marriages, but parents worldwide are arwho arrange marriages are fully ranged.” aware that their children can always refuse a selected partner, in which case they have the chance ety play up to the image concious to simply look for another suitable stereotype. This is contrasted by spouse. The input from the future arranged marriages where there groom and bride carries weight. is couples put effort into an honThe combination, therefore, of est relationship and face the realthe parents’ wisdom and consent ity that is marriage. In the secular of the child would lead to a sup- world, many times an individual posedly happier union. Forced will fall in love and lose objectivity marriages according to Home Sec- said Rabbi Steven Weil, the execuretary Theresa May is an “appall- tive vice president at the Orthodox ing practice” and criminalising it Union in New York. In arranged would send “a strong message that marriages however, there is a lot it will not be tolerated.” But hav- of homework, energy spent and ing the parents choose the partner having parents involved, adults can often shape a uni ed family who have known you your whole hold in times of dif culty; the cou- life can result in the ideal option, ple can count on the help of their a parent knows a child.

A more traditional view of marriage in Western society parents and in-laws for physical, This does not mean arranged

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marriages are the ideal sort of marriages; often far from it. Having an arranged pair does not mean that the married couple will live happily ever after. Women have been known to stay on in abusive relationships for the sake of family pride and respect in society. The individual doesn’t have the opportunity to become independent, according to Ranjana Kumari “you nd yourself with your child demanding give me my education, give me my clothes and a partner too”. One of the most important factors to point out though is that love within the marriage, which is irrevocably the meaning of marriage, is a second priority.

Social and economic status are considered far more important.

We don’t need to be reminded that it was more than a hundred years ago in the early 1900s that women would burn their bras to obtain the right to vote. What would the suffragettes say if they saw us now?

What would future scholars perceive when studying our culture of marriage? According to a recent poll in the UK, 42% believe that women are practically being sold off and that any cause that violated a woman’s right to autonomy should be championed.

Around 55% of marriages worldwide are arranged. It is estimated that every 30 seconds an arranged marriage is taking place, every second a woman is walking down the aisle to greet a stranger, with whom she is expected to build a future. I began this article with a quotation by Xiaohe and Whyte.

There is no escape from the fact that the purpose of a marriage is to declare the uni cation of two individuals coming together as one, a celebration of love. While we announce our love to the world- an exceptionally signi cant vow there is no denying that the other vows are more obeyed in the cultures following arranged marriages which are as equally as important.

I am left to wonder, in Western society we declare the vows but predominantly recognising the importance of love. Can we really judge other cultures that may be missing the essence yet still follow the other vows? Every second, a woman walks down the aisle to greet a stranger. He may not be “the one” but quite possibly “the one she can depend on, rely on, be faithful with, through sickness and in health, for richer , for poorer until death do them part”.

Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Business

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A rising Euro can also be bad for Eurozone countries”

in most of the Eurozone, con dence is at an all-time low. After several seemingly failed schemes and austerity measures to boost the Eurozone economy back into shape, this bit of news appears like a glimmer of hope.

Economically speaking, con dence is arguably needed if households want to spend. After all, if you’re not con dent in the economy, you’re not going to

spend your last €20 right?

However, the rising Euro can also be bad for the Eurozone countries as Eurozone goods are going to become more expensive relative to non-Eurozone goods. This could mean that the demand for Eurozone goods will reduce and thus lower income for the Eurozone. This fear has led to France consulting the European Central Bank (ECB) to manage the Euro if it appreciates too high. However, Germany has argued that the ECB’s role is to manage in ation and not exchange rates.

Well, what does this news mean for University of Bath students? On a more serious note, the appreciation of the Euro provides mixed implications, but given the current economic climate, a cheaper Euro would make Eurozone countries more competitive and so this is somewhat bad news.

Hopefully, this news doesn’t dent the UK economy as getting a graduate job is almost like a dream nowadays.

JimDWoodward

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that in deeper economic technicalities, these kinds of rises are probably due to speculation and transactions or movements of European nancial assets in respect to other nancial assets.

Secondly, the rising Euro could also mean rising con dence for Europeans. Given the bleak situation

The ECB will be both happy and concerned, with the latest gures

Pricing of technology Helen Edworthy bathimpact Writer ompanies such as Microsoft, Apple, and Adobe are to appear before Australian parliament on the 22nd of March, after the companies were investigated last year under suspicion that they have been selling goods in Australia for a higher price than they are actually worth. The investigation was launched by the House of Representatives Standing Committee on Infrastructure and Communications, after Australian MP Ed Husic made the claim that in some cases products made by the three companies are being sold for 60% more in Australia than they are in the US. Mr Husic stated ‘getting downward movement on IT prices and easing the bite of price discrimination should be an important micro-economic priority – so I’m looking forward to hearing more from these rms about their pricing approaches’. Consumer group

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Choice have stated that on average, Australians pay 34 per cent more for software and 52 per cent more for music bought on iTunes. Companies Apple, Microsoft, and Adobe have all declines to send representatives to public hearings held by the IT Pricing Inquiry. The move for Apple, Microsoft and Adobe to ap-

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Pricing problems are indicative of a deeper currency issues.”

pear before Australian parliament is similar to an inquiry made in Canada the week before Apple and others were summonsed to Australian parliament, where a Senate committee issued a report into differences between prices between Canada and the US. However, one possible reason behind price in ation in Australia is that wages are 37% higher

in Australia.

The problems with pricings on technology are indicative of a deeper currency problem, with G20 ministers and central bankers planning to meet in Moscow to discuss several concerns various parliaments have about currency manipulation, especially the countries included in the G7. Issues with currency manipulation are also concerning for nance ministers in the Eurozone, with France in particular nding itself increasingly worried about the strength of the Euro, and also in Venezuela which devalued its currency within the past two weeks.

The state of affairs of currency manipulation the world over has been referred to as the ‘currency Cold War’, with European Central Bank chief Mario Draghi stating ‘the exchange rate is not a policy target, but it is important for growth and price stability’.

This is the case because a lower currency means greater export numbers, which are crucial in the midst of a global economic crisis.

Economics of...

Cocaine

W

e burst through the doors of the sleazy Bolivian karaoke bar and head straight up to the proprietor of the establishment.

“Donde estan los banos?” I ask, barely concealing my intoxication. He nervously points, obviously shocked by the in ux of drunken patrons this late in the night. We storm into the toilets where my ‘friend’ of two hours pulls out a bag of white power, pours it in a straight line and forces his nostril onto it. We all follow suit and leave the bar as quickly as we came in, our minds racing and buzzing. At three, we enter a jazz club. At ve, we leave.

We go back to one of the saxophonist’s houses and drink more.

Take more. I am so alive. This drug isn’t the evil I’m told it is!

Why don’t more people do this?

Firstly, because it’s illegal.

Secondly, it’s horribly bad for you. It is linked to brain damage, cartilage erosion and heart problems. Fact. Yes, people take cocaine and live normal, happy, slightly off-paced lives, but many also grow depressed and obnoxious. But the ethics surrounding cocaine is not my raison d’etre, I purely look at the economics.

The UK seems to pay more for fuel, booze and cigarettes, but one thing we pay less for is cocaine. Whilst Germans can expect to pay around $87 per gram, the British receive it for around $62 for the same amount. There are reasons for this: dealers in Latin America and Africa have been looking for new markets for a while and the increased ‘war on drugs’ during the noughties gave them the incentive to do so.

Another reason is that the illegal drugs are nding better ways into the country; cutting agents mean that police nd it harder to detect them. The problem is that the drugs we get aren’t any good; some places in Scotland receive only 5% purity. The effects of this poor customer service has been a rather sharp downturn in consumption; cocaine usage has seen a sharp downturn since 2008.

This also shows us that, like all luxury goods, illegal drugs are also affected by recession.

So where can we get the purest coke? Dealers will often advertise their stuff as ‘Bolivian’ or ‘Columbian’, so it might be a good place to start to start there. A perfect example of microeconomics is the prison of San Pedro in La Paz, Bolivia. I have had the privilege to enter the prison famous for being the setting of the book Marching Powder and you really have to see it to believe it. The prison of 1500 inmates has a hotel, restaurants and shops. Inmates can pay to upgrade their cells, wives and kids are welcome and laws are made, and regulated, by an internal political system. Best of all, the prison has one of the most regulated, surprisingly legal, trades of coke in the world. All cocaine is of the same quality, produced with reputation in mind. The problem with a product being illegal is that standards go out of the window.

The cocaine trade is in a steep decline: $47 billion in 1998 to $38 billion in 2008. Cocaine is no longer the drug of choice, but the lessons can still be learnt. If a product is legal, competition will naturally arise. The more competition, the purer the product. calebwheelerrobinson

A return of the Euro Michael Aroean bathimpact Writer he Euro has risen against the pound and the yen to levels unseen in the recent past.

On the 10th February, one Euro was worth £0.8418 before growing to £0.8643 on the 15th February. Similarly with the yen, one Euro was worth ¥123.61 and it peaked to ¥126.34 the following day. Now, while the increases were seemingly tiny, the percentage increase on these are fairly impressive considering the dire situation in the Eurozone at the moment (2.67% and 2.21% increase respectively). It even matches what your high street banks and building societies would offer if you’re a saver – which is currently around the 2% mark. For currency traders, depending on their portfolio, this is probably great news; but for you and me, it tends to hold no meaning.

I know that if you’ve just been back from holiday during the ISB, the payoff of exchanging the odd €20 left in your wallet is probably less than the cost of the trip itself. So how and why does this matter?

Firstly, the rising Euro in the last few months usually means that Europeans could be better off. The simple economics behind this is that if nonEuropeans increase their demand for Eurozone goods, they need to exchange their currency to the Euro to make their purchases. As the demand for Euro increases, the price of the Euro grows. The increase in demand of Eurozone goods usually means higher income for Eurozone rms and households. However, it is also worth noting

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Cocaine is the perfect example of product reputation

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Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Business

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Ongoing ght for gender equality

bathimpact’s Holly Adeyemo looks at the issues surrounding women in the workplace and whose responsibility it is to aleviate them

Women represent just 10% of CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies and recieve an average 14.9% less pay companies and create legal confusion. for women than men, men might feel ‘there are solid, hard-headed business Supporters counter that the new laws frustrated, discriminated against and reasons’ for implementing exible would reduce the burden currently marginalised, creating hostility to- working hours. Chief Executive Sarah on companies by dispersing the cost wards women. Clearly one way gender Jackson of Working Families, agrees; of parental leave over two businesses equality might be increased is through ‘the government’s own assessment instead of one as well as increasing the implementation of the shared pa- shows…[it] will bring a net bene t of £222.5 million to employers through equality in who’s most likely to get a rental leave policy.

Another way equality might be in- increased productivity and savings job as the man might be considered just as likely as the woman to leave creased is through the wider availabil- from reduced absenteeism’. Perhaps a business could be required to assess work because of children. Additionthe feasibility of giving exible workally, the policy would allow for more ing hours when an employee becomes symmetrical families as both mothers a parent and provide it to them if they and fathers, in theory, could be chilWhy hasn’t maternity need it as long as it is practical and ecodrearers at the same. The Industrial leave resulted in gennomically viable for the company.

Society proclaimed current policy is der equality?”

Another proposal to reduce in‘discriminating against men as faequality is to tackle social attitudes thers in the workplace’. Feminists like Helen Wilkinson expand that ’deliver- ity of exible work hours, which would at work which reproduce inequality. ing equality for women in the work- allow women to work when they can The Equal Opportunities Commission nd child-minders. Chief Execu- (EOC) found that half of all women place actually means giving men parallel rights as parents’. When there is an tive Kevin Green of the Recruitment experience sexual harassment at work, imbalance, with more parental rights and Employment Confederation said 72% of female employees have been subject to sexist bullying at work and 85% of females reported a bias towards males in their place of work.

Even the Prime Minister of Australia, Julia Gillard, recently accused opposicreased by over double to 50 in the af- of representation rests with politition leader Tony Abbott of sexism in termath. Women now control a record cal parties”. This is certainly true as Parliament. How can we call this an one can tell how important the issue 22.5% of the British parliament.

Comparing Britain to many devel- of gender equality is to a party by oping countries can leave us red faced. looking at their own track record. It Over 50% of Rwanda’s parliament are is, however, important to ask if genwomen and 45% in Cuba. Inevitably, der equality in parliaments is actuour natural equality based friends in ally important. Surely, representing Scandinavia paint a fairer picture with 50% of the popular vote means that Finland and Sweden having 42% and they can’t simply be side-lined? Why does a woman need to represent a 44% alike.

The answer may also be as sim- woman?

With gures like Merkel, Clinple as proportional representation and quotas. This has often been im- ton and Kirchner at the heights of plemented by left-wing parties who, power we can rest with the thought naturally, tend to favour more diverse that things have improved greatly.

However, we must also ensure that candidates.

Theresa May claimed that “the rst the doors they had open to them are responsibility for ensuring diversity open to the future generations.

Angela Merkel is most likely the most powerful woman alive

Women in politics On 19th February David Cameron made a speech in Mumbai regarding the role of women in politics.

He acknowledged that, although there was an increase after the 2010 general election, there was “not nearly enough women in politics”. He continued that “my wife likes to say that if you don’t have women in the top places, you are not just missing out on 50% of the talent, you are missing out on a lot more than 50% of the talent.”

It is certainly true that there is a sizeable gap between men and women in British politics, but it is one that is constantly decreasing. The Conservative party had only 19 female MP’s before the election, but this in-

equal work environment for women?

All this needs to be overcome if complete equality is to be achieved, but as to whether it can be or not is dif cult to say. We have vastly reduced other discriminatory attitudes in the past like overt racism and discrimination against the disabled, so why not sexism?

In the UK and many other countries all ‘positive discrimination’ is illegal with the only exception being recruitment of police of different races and religions. However, these policies are implemented elsewhere like Germany’s policy that if a man and a woman have the same quali cations and are equally suited to the job, the woman should be given the job and, to use the most extreme example, Norway’s policy that public limited companies should be 40% female. However such quota-based policies do not create an equal workplace but an unequal one, as men are being discriminated against, thus women can never be truly equal in the work environment while such laws operate.

More accessible childcare might also enable women to work, Nick Clegg argues. The cost of childcare can be a disincentive to work for lower class women. In France childcare for low income families is free and allowances are provided for it where it’s not, whereas in the UK, while most nurseries are free childcare is less widely available, affordable and is not publicly funded. The argument is that if childcare is more affordable it will make it economically more pro table for mothers to work and use childcare than to stay at home.

Women can be truly equal in the work environment if we try to gradually change social attitudes, make childcare more affordable and ensure that fathers are given the same rights as mothers so that parenting becomes a two person, rather than a one woman, job.

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dullhunk

victor1558

T

he facts seem clear: gender inequality remains at work.

In the UK women get paid on average 14.9% less than men and the pay gap is even larger, at 55%, in the nance sector. And the situation is worsening with the recession. The number of unemployed women was the highest number seen for 25 years in 2012, but what can be done about this? Is it even possible to create gender equality at work?

One question that should be asked is why hasn’t maternity leave resulted in gender equality? The Industrial Society has argued that maternity leave’s cost to the employer has made discriminating against women when hiring ‘rational’. While maternity leave has promoted equality by allowing women who have children to return to work after a year of childrearing, it also means that many businesses may have to recruit a new staff member, train them, let them go when the mother returns and then retrain her.

Even Nick Clegg has criticised maternity leave as ‘1950s’ calling the current policies ‘clapped out old rules’ which ‘like a rubber band snaps these women back. Because the moment they start planning a family, their options begin to narrow’.

Mr. Clegg has proposed a new policy of a year’s parental leave which can be divided up by parents however they wish; all by the woman, all by the man, a mixture or time off can be taken by both at the same time. He advocates making maternity and paternity leave policy equal, however has backed down to pressures from businesses and postponed discussion of it, after claims that it would overwhelm small

Monday 25th February 2013

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Ola og Kari Nordmann ved Bath Uni A

diskusjoner i timene blir du ofte beskyldt for å trekke fram Norge altfor ofte, og du synes engelskmenn er uforståelige som de nerer ullgenser som et plagg som bare hører julen til. Du elsker å gå på sosiale sammenkomster med andre nordmenn og skandinavere for det er de du har mest til felles med. Du er selvfølgelig også medlem av Scandinavian Society sin facebook side, men helst for å sjekke om noen som har snus-bokser til salgs. Hjemme har du et lager av norske matvarer som knekkebrød, snarkokt risen-

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Vi er da bedre, smartere og mer tilpassningsdyktige enn andre?”

grynsgrøt, makrell i tomat, leverpostei og melkesjokolade slik at du kan overleve de to-tre måneder før du skal hjem igjen i ferien.

Den andre kategorien er: den usynlige nordmann. Mesteparten av vennene dine er engelske og du holder deg langt borte fra alt som heter Scandinavian society og ANSA. Engelsken din er perfekt og hadde det ikke vært for ditt blonde hår, blå øyne og nor-

ske navn, hadde ingen gjettet hvor du kom ifra. Du unngår høyt pratende nordmenn som henger sammen på biblioteket og er glad du lot lusekoften din være igjen hjemme.

Egentlig bryr du deg ikke så mye om nasjonaliteten din, men du eier ihvertfall et par hjemmestrikkede ullsokker som du diskret bruker når dagene blir ekstra kalde. På 17. mai prøver du å late som at det er en helt vanlig eksamensdag, men i all hemmelighet vifter du litt på ditt norske agg, for nostalgiens skyld.

Uansett hvilken kategori du måtte nne deg i, re ekter over hva du egentlig vil få ut av din studenttilværelse. Du har full rett til å gi konstruktiv kritikk på områder hvor vi er eksperter: det å holde et samfunn gående etter et snøfall, å kle seg etter værforhold og lære engelskmenneskene om snus, håndball og hvordan man går på ski. Det er mot sin hensikt å leve i en norsk boble i utlandet fordi man automatisk kategorisere seg selv som en simpel turist på gjennomreise. Du vet godt at det vil være mer nyttig å prøve å integrere deg i den ukjente kulturen som omringer deg. Hvordan skal du ellers kunne forstå tankegangen til disse hø ige

og sjarmerende, dog frittalende og bøllete britene?

You can read Solveig Alsak-

er’s article on different types of Norwegians in English on www.bathimpact.tumblr

SolveigAlsaker

Solveig Alsaker bathimpact Skribent lle vet at norske studenter er noen av de mest hardtarbeidende mennesker man nner ved et Britisk universitet fordi de betaler mer per forelesning enn en gjennomsnitts innfødt/EU student. Ved slutten av vår utdannelse vil vi skryte av våre fantastiske akademiske prestasjoner som vi oppnådde gjennom vårt andre språk og som vil selvfølgelig gjøre oss mer attraktive for en fremtidig arbeidsgiver. Vi er da bedre, smartere og mer tilpasningsdyktige enn noen student uteksaminert ved et norsk universitet? Ifølge ANSA har det aldri vært så mange norske studenter i utlandet som nå, men hvordan kan man vite hvordan man skal te seg som en student ved et britisk universitet? Bath Impact har kommet med en guide om hvordan du kan kategorisere deg selv som representant for det norske folk og kongerike.

Den første kategorien er: den stolte nordmann i utlandet. Du går med ’Moods of Norway’ klær, bærer på vann asker av sorten ’Voss’eller ’Imsdal’, og klager på at vannet i Bath smaker kalk. Under

Ullkledd norsk student klar for å begynne sitt eventyr i Bath

‫ان‬‫رد ا‬‫ در م‬‫ل‬‫رات م‬ : ‫ا‬‫ه واخ‬‫گذش‬ ghalandaran

 ‫ر‬ ‫ ا‬‫در‬ ‫رات‬ ‫ان و‬‫ی ا‬ ‫گ‬ ‫خ و‬‫ر‬ ‫رد‬ ‫ی در‬ ‫رال‬

‫ن‬‫س‬‫ان ب‬‫ی ا‬‫رف ص‬‫ و ع‬‫ع‬‫ک ش‬ ،‫ه‬‫م‬

 ‫ان از‬  ‫ ا‬‫ ذ‬ ‫زم‬( ‫م‬‫ار و ا‬  ‫ی‬ ‫ه‬ ‫ از‬‫د‬ ‫م‬   ، ‫ان‬‫ ا‬‫ر‬  ،‫ک د‬ ‫ان‬   ‫د‬ ‫د‬ ‫ و‬، ‫ف و‬ ،‫ان‬‫ض‬‫ ر‬، ‫ده و‬ ‫ح‬ ‫ر‬   ‫ح‬‫ا‬ ‫ن‬‫ از ز‬ ‫رف و‬ ‫ غ‬ ‫ا‬ ‫ح در‬   ‫وی او را‬  ،‫ا‬‫ ا‬.‫ده ا‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ن‬  ‫ا‬‫ ا‬‫ض‬ ‫ و‬‫ و‬ ،‫دی‬ ‫زه‬ ‫د در‬ ‫ی‬ ‫ش‬    ‫ه‬ ‫ه‬  ‫ق‬ ‫ای‬ ‫ی وی‬ .  ٢٠٠٣  ‫م‬‫ ا‬‫ا‬‫ و د‬ ‫ق‬ ‫ده ا‬ ‫اد‬‫ری از ا‬. ‫دن‬ ‫ غ‬ ‫ در‬ ‫د دارم‬‫ ا‬ ‫ آ‬‫ ا‬  ‫ت‬‫ط‬‫ ا‬‫ا‬ ‫ان‬‫ ا‬ ‫ ا‬‫ن دارم ا‬‫ آن اط‬ ‫ وا‬ ‫ء‬ ‫رد‬  ‫ری ا‬ ‫ ا‬‫ ا‬ ‫ی‬ ‫د‬ ‫ و ا‬‫ه ا‬  ‫ و‬‫ی ظ‬  ‫ا‬   ‫رد‬ ‫ را‬‫ا‬ ، ‫ی‬ ‫ار د‬ ‫وت‬.

You can read Marral Shamshiri’s article on misconceptions of Iran in English on www.bathimpact.tumblr

  ‫ و د‬  ‫ی‬   ‫ و‬،‫ارم‬ ‫ وی‬ ‫او ورژ‬   ‫ اد‬‫ا‬   ‫د‬‫ل ا‬ ‫چ و‬  ‫ل او‬‫ق و ا‬‫ ا‬،    . ‫دی‬ ‫دم‬ ‫ب‬‫ز‬ ‫ل‬ ‫رد‬  ‫ان‬‫ ای ا‬    ‫ و روا‬ ‫ب‬‫غ‬  ،‫ان‬‫ ا‬ ‫ در‬‫ا‬  ‫ان‬‫ن دادن ا‬ ‫ای‬ ‫ت‬ ‫ن‬‫ر در‬ ‫ه‬   ‫ان‬ ‫ ز‬،‫ر‬‫ ا‬‫ ا‬ ‫ و‬،‫ده ا‬ ‫ر را‬ ‫ ا‬‫ق وا‬ ‫و زرق و‬ ‫ار داده ا‬ ‫ع‬‫ ا‬.  ‫ ا‬‫ در ا‬‫ آ‬ ‫ و‬  ‫ان او‬  ‫وزه‬‫ ا‬ ‫ را‬‫آ‬  ‫ه از‬   ‫ق‬ ‫ر‬ ‫ر از‬‫ا‬‫ ا‬‫او‬، ‫روش‬ ‫ان‬‫رس در ا‬  ‫ری‬‫ا‬‫ا‬ ‫ر‬‫ آ‬ ‫ر‬ ‫ت‬‫ اد‬.‫ده ا‬ ‫ن‬ ‫ و‬ ،‫ رو‬‫ل ا‬  ‫ر‬‫ آ‬  ‫ از‬  ‫رف‬ ‫ د‬‫ا‬ ‫ه و در‬ ‫ب‬ ‫ن‬ ‫ر‬  .‫د‬ ‫ده‬ ‫م‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ در‬   ‫ وی‬  ‫د‬   ٢٠٠٧ ‫م‬‫ ا‬ ‫ ا‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ او را‬ ‫ا‬  ‫ ا‬   ‫ (ا‬. .‫ده ا‬   ‫ از ا‬ ‫ا‬

‫ا‬‫ ا‬ ‫ان‬    ‫ر‬ ‫م دو‬‫ ادغ‬ ‫ن‬‫ ا‬ ‫ و‬‫ا‬‫ ا‬‫ ز‬ ‫گ و‬     .‫ ام‬‫ را دا‬‫ا‬ ‫ی ا‬ ‫ ز‬   ‫ان‬‫ا‬  ‫ه‬‫ز‬ ‫د‬ ‫ر‬ ‫ر در‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ ا‬ . ‫ه‬ ‫ی را‬  ‫رد‬ ‫ در‬‫د‬  ‫ و‬‫در‬ ‫رات‬    ‫ده و‬ ‫ج‬‫ر را‬ ‫ان‬‫ا‬ ‫ث‬ ‫ئ‬ ‫ د‬ ‫دی‬‫ ز‬  ‫ا‬ ‫ ا‬ ‫ و‬ ‫ا‬. ،‫ن‬ ‫خ‬‫ر‬  ‫ان‬ ‫ای‬ .‫ر ا‬ ‫ ای پ‬ ‫ر از‬ ‫ان‬‫ا‬ ‫ی‬ ‫ری‬‫ا‬‫ ا‬ ‫ن زر‬‫از ز‬ ‫ و‬‫ا‬ ‫ث‬ ‫ان‬‫ن و ا‬ ‫ر‬ ، ‫ن‬ ‫ در‬ .‫وز‬‫رن ا‬ ‫د‬‫ پ‬ ‫وپ‬  ‫ان‬‫ا‬  ‫ب و‬‫گ غ‬ ‫ار‬‫ی ط‬‫پ‬ ‫ده‬ ١٩٧٩ ‫ب‬‫ن ا‬‫اط‬‫ ا‬ ‫ر‬ ‫ و‬ ‫ن‬‫ از آن ز‬ ‫ر‬ ‫ رئ‬.‫د‬‫ راه ا‬  ‫ راه‬‫را‬‫ ر‬ ،‫اد‬ ‫ی‬‫د ا‬ ‫وزی در‬‫ پ‬   ‫د را‬  ‫ده ا‬ ‫م‬‫ ا‬،‫د‬ ‫ز‬ ‫ت‬‫ا‬ ‫ارد و‬ ‫د‬‫ و‬‫ا‬ ‫ان‬‫در ا‬ ‫ ا‬.‫د‬ ‫ال‬ ‫ را ز‬ ‫د‬‫و‬   ،  ‫ص‬  ‫س‬‫ ا‬  ‫ و‬‫ن ا‬‫ا‬‫ا‬

Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

17

Science & Technology

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Prof. Science: forensics for dummies

Our all-knowing scientist looks at the science behind a murder death for the cadaver and make it believable – hide the big crime in a smaller one – say you were buying drugs or ladies of negotiable virtues rather than lming “Snuff”™ at long last!

Now the key to all of this is a branch of science I am, unfortunately, all too familiar with. Forensics.

According to the internet the word forensic can be applied to anything and means, in the original Latin, “Bitchin’ cool.” For example there is a branch of seismology called forensic seismol-

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DariusGiliani

D

ear Professor science, how can you get rid of a body? I obviously only want to know for science! Also I have a body I need to get rid of! – A sketchy stranger Well, Mr. Stranger, I think that his problem can be paired down for simplicity!

I think you have mis-focused your question. Getting rid of a body is very simple – dig a hole, throw it in, have a party! Many people use this method for disposing of relatives by couching it in legal trappings and calling it a “funeral”.

As such I think you need to reconsider your terms. In this case it seems as though the unspoken requirements are, in fact, “how do I get rid of a body if there has been some kind of deadly altercation and I wish no one to be able to nd the hobo that lost the knife ght I paid for?”

In this case I think that this actually makes a much more interesting question and I shall attempt to help you out to the best of my ability!

I am going to assume the starting point to this is that you have no real connection to the stiff but there’re always witnesses to your car being in the area or what have you! So rstly think up why you were near to the place of

Never, EVER, produce a dead body.”

ogy which is dedicated to telling apart earthquakes from underground nuclear tests – the reason that we think Kim Jong Un is not bluf ng about being a very naughty boy!

However, in this case we are interested in the much more normal and well known branches of forensics that lead to us criminal perpetrators (forensic dactyloscopy etc…)

One thing I must stress is this – TV and lm is bullshit. The CSI unit does not rock up, nd some semen, taste and locate the man that has been eating asparagus the most in the country.

Profesor Science gets ready to do some forensics tests at a crime scene to Dr. Physics’ disgust The majority of a murder investiThey usually attempt to nd evidence So ask: Where did you cook the that links the suspect to the scene of gation is done via old fashion policing crystals? Did you rent a Winnebago – was anyone seen close to the scene, or do it in your garage? Will your old the crime.

Also most murders and that hap- was the dead person heard arguing in Hispanic partner come searching for pen to people that are known to the Oscar’s house before being shot? And you? Then remember that Hydrokiller – there are very, very few people they are actually very good at that sort ouric Acid eats anything other than that are sociopathic enough to just kill of thing! certain plastics (though it is actually Now, let’s say that this body you weaker and I would have used NaOH random strangers. So if the body that you have is known to you then it is have is closely linked to you in some - aka lye). safer to assume that you are already obvious way and the police are asking So, overall, I have one piece of ada suspect and that the police will get questions. They will be aware that they vice over how not to get caught with a round to talking to you and trying to are looking for clues that relate you to dead body:the crime. nd evidence that you are the killer.

Never, EVER, produce a dead body.

Poaching, ivory and human greed O

Belgium, there has been one significant outpost for the rare forest elephant, highly prized because of the quality and slight pink hue of their tusks.

It is Gabon, a country that contains around 13% of Africa’s forests and contains around 40,000 of these elephants. Recent research has suggested that between 44 and 77% of Gabon’s forest elephants have been killed in the past nine years – 11,100 el-

ephants have been killed for their ivory since 2004. Between 50 and 100 were being slaughtered and transported every day in 2011. The poachers shoot the elephants using automatic weapons and then go on to remove their tusks with axes and chainsaws. This ivory is transported across the northern borders by porters and exported to the Asian markets that are willing to pay high prices, high enough to stay the hand of many government sarahemmc

Holly Narey Environmental Correspondent ur history is tainted with the brush of cruelty for the sake of greed. We have had diamonds from Sierra Leone; coats fabricated from dozens of individuals to be draped atteringly over one, and of course, the ancient love of ivory. Our sel sh and mostly pointless craving for this white, durable material, a symbol of status and wealth, has endured for over two thousand years. The most common source of this is from the Asian and African elephant.

These noble and intelligent creatures have slowly been wiped from the lands they have inhabited for millions of years; fleeing the homes of their ancestors or falling at the bullets of the poachers, their deaths justified only by some pretty trinkets sold to the wealthy.

They were wiped out in North Africa around 1000 years ago, they disappeared from south Africa by the end of the 19th century, and by the end of the 20th century had all but vanished in West Africa.

In one West African country however, in an area about the size of

Poachers are pushing these creatures to the brink of extinction

officials.

Tracking of poachers in such a large, mostly isolated area can be near impossible, and the efforts of authorities to do so are failing for more reasons than one. Where there are vast amounts of money to be made, there is also often corruption. The checkpoints set up to monitor such illegal activity are failing to detect this huge volume of contraband, and if an arrest is made it is blocked by government

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Our history is tainted with cruelty for the sake of greed.”

officials who stand to gain much from the trade.

Global conservation campaigners are beginning to truly fear for the future of the African elephant, saying that if the situation is not turned around soon then the creature will inevitably disappear from the continent altogether. CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of

Wild Fauna and Flora) country members sought to protect endangered species by attaching an economic value to wildlife species and introducing strict controls on trading such products, however those who meet to set these controls are under risk of being swayed by the huge number of wealthy ‘protrade’ organisations that seek to loosen controls to improve business, risking putting their own greed ahead of the health of our world for an entirely non-essential product. Many organisations are fighting against this, WWF being a key player. They are trying to collect a million signatures to try to stamp out the trade altogether in Thailand – a country that reveres the creature as sacred, believing that without the elephant, there is no Thailand, while at the same time is the biggest unregulated market for ivory in the world. My name is on the list, which at the time of writing is just creeping above the 400,000 mark. It wouldn’t take much to make a barbaric part of our present into history, and you can help without even leaving your seat. What a bonus.

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Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Science & Technology

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Got beef? Why not try horse too?

Mike Szweda crosses the world to nd animals we should be eating taboo’s; those who feel queasy at the consumption of young animals like veal, would probably feel outright sick at the notion of eating the Anglo-Indian meal of kutti pi, also known as animal foetus.

Today though the greatest deterrence from eating certain animals, mixed with cultural elements, are those of appearance. Foods which are acceptable to eat fall into a narrow area of appearance, not

too ugly like a spider or an angler fish, but equally you couldn’t eat anything beautiful like a little Yorkshire Terrier or a Shetland pony.

Our dependency on eating a limited number of animals is having its effect on the environment, so should we look a bit wider and get over our hang-ups and tuck into a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich? Should we make ourMoyan_Brenn

H

ow would you like a steak that’s tenderer, sweeter and leaner than beef?

There is meat described as a hybrid between beef and venison; it’s versatile, textured and, quite simply, delicious. You can have it as the Japanese cuisine of bagushi, thin slices of sakuraniku wrapped in a shiso leaf, or a simpler meal of just having the meat salted and smoked. If you’ve had a Findus beef spaghetti bolognese recently, it’s possible you’ve been had up to 100% of this Japanese luxury food, Sakuraniku, or as it’s known in English: horse meat.

After the recent discovery that horse meat is surprisingly delicious as long as we’re not aware that it is actually horse we’re eating people have started to ask why some foods are taboo and others are acceptable. Our scepticism of various foods comes from a variety of origins. The religious taboos such as those regarding pork in Judaism and Islam. Then there are the ethical taboos, surrounding such foods as the luxurious foie gras, which sees the force feeding of ducks, or the Japanese meal ikizukuri, a meal consisting of a fish descaled and filleted and then served whilst still alive.

Also strong though are cultural

Is eating these animals a good thing or thoughtless horseplay?

selves healthier and have our dinner tables resemble a bushtucker trial? Whilst no amount of health benefits or deliciousness should convince you to turn your back on your religion or agree with a duck having a corn firing hose shoved down its throat, it may convince you to try some other foods.

So how about some of these recipes to try and give you a bit of variety in your diet. Instead of Doritos and salsa why don’t you go for the healthy alternative of root-

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You couldn’t eat anything beautiful like a terrier or a pony.”

worm beetle dip with some candied crickets. To make the dip you need cottage cheese, mayonnaise, onions and a cup of dry roasted rootworm beetles. Crickets are great for your bones and teeth, with four crickets containing as much calcium as a glass of milk.

Beetles are the perfect snack to keep you perked up because it has four times as much iron, which as we all though can help with anaemia, as lean beef. As a whole, insects are great health foods, high

in proteins, calcium and iron and low in fat and more importantly they’re delicious, as they are eaten in more or less the entire world other than western Europe and America.

For a main meal how about trying a very versatile meat which can be served in a variety of ways, cervelle de veau in France, tacos de sesos in Mexico and in Cuba the lovely meal of brain fritters, a light coating of breadcrumbs around a piece of brain which is then deep fried. Brains aren’t amazingly healthy (but are apparently delicious) for example a single 140g can of pork brains in milk gravy contains 1170% of your daily cholesterol. So maybe make it a rare treat. Also there’s the small risk of catching mad cow disease, so actually maybe just stick to the beef.

There are a whole variety of amazing meats out there which don’t clog your arteries and the world literally is your oyster. A relatively local company, Gribbles Butchers of Devon (www. gribblesbutchers.co.uk), supplies meat from a bouncy kangaroo to striped zebra, from wolly llama to – yes – horse. Maybe now we know we’ve been eating horses the whole time we might finally put it our diet!

Vishala Ramswami Science Correspendent ntroducing Jack Andraka. Jack is a boy from Maryland who at 15 just so happened to develop a new way of detecting pancreatic cancer and saving millions of lives by doing so. No biggie. You may have already heard of this incredible story, it hit the press massively about a year ago, but I still think it’s a story worth telling.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but at 15 I was pretty preoccupied apping about GSCEs, listening to the Ting Tings and watching Skins.

By Jacks standards I was massively underachieving (and probably still am...) But Jack Andraka is not your average 15 year old. In interviews with Jack he discusses his motivation for researching the topic being caused by the death of his uncle. He learnt the low survival rate for pancreatic cancer was mainly dependant on the fact that there was no rapid, sensitive and inexpensive screening method to result in early detection. This set his

I

brain in motion.

Jack eventually found his solution in a high school biology class learning about antibodies. He then combined this with more information he’d already learnt about carbon nanotubes and conducted further investigation before the technique came together.

But there was still a long way to go before the concept became a reality.

After then coming up with a reasonable plan budget and timeline for his venture he contacted various people in the eld about bringing his idea into the laboratory. Jack actually receive over 200 rejections before he nally found professor that was willing to pursue his work. Enter Dr Anirban Maitra, Professor of Pathology, Oncology and Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

Well what exactly did they come up with? The concept is simple; when a person is in the early stages on pancreatic cancer they produce levels of a chemical called mesothelin in the blood and urine. The test consists of

a “dipstick” approach where a paper marker provides a response when the chemical is present. This method is not only considerably cheaper than the previous method it is actually also faster and more effective. The success of the technique doesn’t stop there, whilst setting out to detect pancreatic cancer, this method is also very effective at detecting ovarian and lung cancer.

This story serves push as all to be a bit more like Jack Andraka. Beginning with his incredible curiosity and drive. Living in an environment with the resources to pursue answers to a countless amount of questions. Curiosity is something that needs to be embraced! While that’s not easy, I think I’m more jealous of Jacks ability to be stubborn enough to keep going with his idea despite the obvious prejudice he must have come across.

So while you’re living your newly motivated, question asking lives, spare a thought for the senders of those 200 rejection emails; they must be kicking themselves right now.

In our issue dated 11th February 2013 we attributed the article ‘Technology: is bigger really better?” to Tom Ash. It was actually written by Alex Marshall. We apologise for this mistake.

IntelFreePress

Jack, 16, the miracle cancer kid!

Jack, just 16, is credited with nding a new way to detect cancer

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Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Activities

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TEDx puts on their premier event S

afe in the spirit that ideas are worth spreading, over 100 enthusiastic people gathered together recently for the rst landmark TEDx Bath University event.

There was much anticipation and the buzz could be felt around the room.

What lay ahead was a jampacked day, which had been organised by a great team of students, aiming to create a TED-like experience, spark deep discussion and to really make us think.

The audience were excited to meet and hear from the chosen team of speakers; eleven passionate individuals who were keen to share their stories.

Whether it be about their study of pain or their degree in ethnomusicology, their organised ski trips to the mountains of Afghanistan or their research into specialist technology for the disabled, there was a real concoction!

The talks were fascinating and really encouraged us to think about the various issues raised. I think one of the thoughts that struck the audience the most was ‘How can we judge people if we don’t know them?’

Interspersed amongst the speakers’ talks, the team treated us to some of their favourite TED

“

A fantastic day was had by all who attended.”

talks. Hearing some of the world’s leading thinkers and doers share their knowledge for 18 minutes each was wonderful and I would highly recommend you to discover and explore the wealth of talks that are available at TED.com! Chatting with the people around me, we felt it would be great if one day, we too

could become equally passionate about something to want to share it with thousands.

Various activities had been planned for us to do during the breaks. BUST entertained us with a few comedic improvisational performances; whilst SPLAT ran a Valentine’s Day card workshop using recycled materials. For those feeling a little more contemplative, there was a peace board on which members of the audience could post any inspirational thoughts and an art gallery by Aryan Ashoori which depicted the journey from the origins of existence to the future.

A fantastic day was had by all who attended and a big thank you and congratulations to the TEDx Bath University team for organising such a successful event.

The audience left feeling uplifted, inspired and very much looking forward to the next one!

PaoloFerla

bathimpact’s Lucy Woodcock discusses the power of sharing ideas

The open atmosphere makes the sharing of ideas much easier

Adventure with DofE Chem time!

Catherine Cherry Communications Of cer arly on Sunday 27th January, while the rest of campus enjoyed a welldeserved Inter-Semester Break lie-in, the Duke of Edinburgh society gathered in East Car Park, ready for our first trip of the year to prepare for our practise expedition at Easter. Jumping into the minibus, the group embarked on a rather snowy journey to Brecon, Wales. With our walking boots on and stocked with plenty of food we headed off on our 15km walk for the day. It was hard work and presented some tricky navigation but lunch breaks, learning some new Welsh words, and working as

ain at 2,907 ft., opened up views of hills under a blanket of snow and ice covered lakes. After completing the route, and gaining some much needed sleep on the journey home, we arrived back in Bath and everyone went their separate ways, but not without a celebratory meal at Jimmy Spices!

If you like the sound of our trips and want to do your Gold DofE Award, it’s not too late to join us for our practise expedition to Snowdonia in the Easter Holidays.

You can visit our webpage (www.bathstudent.com/ DofE) or come along to our meetings, Tuesday, 7.15pm in 6W1.2.

DoEBath

E

a team kept everyone going, not to mention the entertainment of our chairman’s video logging… Tired, but happy to arrive at the warm, dry camping barn, we took off our boots and put our feet up, ready for an evening filled with cooking food, preparing for the next day, and playing some amusing games.

Monday morning brought another early start, made somewhat easier with lots of pancakes for breakfast! It was mountain day, which meant uphill from the start in freezing gale conditions. The wind and rain presented a constant battle all morning, but everyone agreed it was worth it when we reached the top; the Pen-Y-Fan summit, the highest in South Brit-

Even harsh weather conditions and challenging terrain couldn’t dampen the mood of the expedition

Peter Hachfeld Chemical Engineering Rep Frank Morton is an annual event where Chemical Engineering departments from universities across the UK compete against each other in a variety of sporting events. Sports range from the more classical sports, like football and basketball, to the more recreational sports, like rounders and dodgeball.

The original Frank Morton was a Professor of Chemical Engineering who rst taught at the University of Birmingham and then at the University of Manchester. His passion for sport led him to organise the rst contest in 1961; a football match between the two universities he had taught at. The event has since grown and this year over 2000 Chemical Engineering students from 25 universities competed in 15 different sporting events!

In recent years, competition has spread beyond the pitch as each department must submit a t-shirt design that will help distinguish them from the other teams! The rules for designing the t-shirt are simple: 1) the design must be original, 2) the design must incorporate the logo of the event sponsors, which this year was ExxonMobil, and 3) the design must be unique to the

university it represents.

The whole event isn’t just about erce rivalry and hard earned sweat though! Upon arrival there is a careers fair organised by IChemE, which is aimed towards networking with employers and getting students from different departments to interact with one another. Between freebies and new faces one might get lost, but plenty of organisation from Newcastle University helped guarantee you didn’t need to worry about that yourself as they did everything for you! Appearances from comedian Chris Ramsey along with voice-over appearances from Marcus Bentley helped keep the event lively and entertaining!

Moreover, contrary to popular belief: Engineers do know how to party and once the award ceremony and all the presentations were over, everyone headed down to town to hit the pubs and continue socialising before returning back to the SU for some clubbing!

Unfortunately, the University of Bath didn’t win the tournament this year, but we were superior in sportsmanship and spirit and were commended for it. That’s a win for me! Big thanks to the Chemical Engineering Student Association committee for organising this event!

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Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Sport

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Two unis, one title, our year starts here Jon Gleave SU Sport Of cer susport@bath.ac.uk

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arch 2nd is a special date for a number of reasons.

It marks the 28th birthday of Miami Dolphins Running Back Reggie Bush, the 45th birthday of Daniel Craig and the 80th Anniversary of the Opening of King Kong at New York's Radio City Music Hall.

These all pale in comparison to what will be happening in Bath on that day, however, as it is also the date of this year’s ‘Best of the South West Varsity’ against Exeter University.

Although 92 miles separate us from Exeter, the two Universities couldn’t be closer in terms of competitive sport. At the time of writing, we currently sit just 10 points ahead of Exeter in the national league standings. This sets us up for a close and heated day of sport. One which, no doubt, you will want to be a part of as we look to engrave our name on The Best of the South West Varsity Trophy for the second year running.

The Rugby Union this year took place at Sandy Park on Wednesday 13th of this month and unfortunately our Men’s First Team lost 29-6 to our Devon counterparts. However, this means just two things. That 1) they will have to gain revenge this time next year when the Rugby Union returns to Bath and 2) the other sports competing in Bath on the 2nd will have to rectify that defeat.

This year we are lucky enough to have no less than six sports featuring in Bath, spread across seven teams. In the morning you can head down to the grass pitches at 11:30 to see what our Men’s Rugby League, Women’s Rugby Union and Women’s football teams have to offer. Or, at the same time head indoors to the Founders’ Hall to see our Men’s Bas-

ketball Team in action.

The day then leads onto the Netball match, as well as the Men’s Water Polo match. Both will commence in the STV at 13:00, with both venues providing seating, free of charge.

If that wasn’t enough, the entire day than culminates down in town at The Mayday Trust Park (formally Twerton Park), for the sporting crescendo that will be the Men’s Football Match.

Tickets for the Men’s Football are

Ones to watch

on sale now from the Tub and Plug and the Activities Of ce, so grab them before you miss out. If you’re buying a ticket just for the football, the cost will be £3. However, if bought with a Fuzzy Ducks tickets the prices drops to just £2 (with limited availability). For that, you get access to the game, and whilst our stocks last, some supporters accessories and transport to and from the game. Seats operate on a rst come rst serve basis, as does

the transport, so make sure you get there in good time to grab the best seats. Once the football has nished, why not head back up to campus for RAG’s post event in the Plug as well as the special Varsity themed Fuzzy Ducks where you can celebrate our hopeful inevitable victory!

This year, the Best of the South West Varsity is also proud to be sponsored by ALDI, if you would like to nd out more about ALDI Recruitment and possible graduate op-

portunities then head to their website http://www.aldirecruitment. co.uk/.

So, last years’ Varsity was one of the biggest days in The SU Sport Events’ Calendar, and this years’ event promises to be just as spectacular. Make sure that you come along and show you support for the men and women in blue and yellow. For more information on Varsity, head to www.bathstudent.com/Varsity.

Be loud, be proud, be Bath!

Netball

Men’s Rugby League

STV Hall at 13:30

STV Pitch One at 11:30

Expect to see out girls dominate this game.

Having beaten their Exeter counter-parts twice already this season, we expect to see more of the same when it comes to their clash on 2nd March

We can look forward to a very tight match between the two sides. This season has seen very close games and we expect to see more of the same when it comes to Varsity. Hopefully our boys pull through and grab a win.

Men’s Water Polo

Men’s Basketbll

Men’s Football

50m Swimming Pool at 13:30

Founders’ Hall at 11:30

Mayday Trust Park at 15:00

Another tight game is expected in the pool on the big day, as the two rivals battle to be crowned champions. However after a triumphant win over Exeter last February, Bath will be looking for more of the same.

This year has been a successful one for our rst Basketball team. impactsport believe that there is only one outcome for this match, with a comfortable victory expected for the home side.

The pinacle of the day, as the 1st team look to replicate last year’s victory at Twerton Park.

And after two controversial penalty decisions going in Bath’s favour last year, Exeter will be keen to set the record straight.

The team at impactsport examine the University of Bath’s chances of winning Varsity and bringing home the trophy for the second year running.

With so much sport on offer, you are sure to be sportingly satisfied. Here are our predictions for the highlight of the day.

Monday 25th February 2013

bathimpact

Sport

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Let’s not just sit on the fence Ben Cochrane impactsport Reporter

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ever I managed to skip the rst part altogether because, as chance would have it, I live next to the exquisite Madelaine Noble who fences for Bath and competes in international competitions.

I walk out of my door, turn to my right, take one step forward, turn right again and knock on her door. She opens it and by the look on her face, she is elated to see me and doesn’t waste a second welcoming me in. I ask her if I could ask her a few questions about fencing for bathimpact and, being the wonderful specimen that she is, she was delighted.

Maddie rst started fencing at school when she was seven. Already a University of Bath Fencing Club

ost of these investigative journalist masterpieces I write on the University sports clubs involve me going to one of their training sessions, watching from the side with a notepad and then nally plucking up the courage to walk up to someone who looks vaguely important and state that I am Ben Cochrane from the sports section of bathimpact wishing to write an article on them for the paper.

They then give me some general information about the sport and why they like doing it and why people should get involved. This time how-

University of Bath Fencing Club in action in the Founders Hall

keen Hockey and Netball player, she wanted to try a more individual sport and so she chose fencing because it looked cool and to be honest, what seven year old doesn’t want to stab someone with a sword? Supported by her parents who, worryingly, didn’t care that her newfound love involved wielding a massive implement of death, she gradually gained in con dence and skill and ended up on the international circuit making her one woman you would not want to mess with.

Fencing in this case is not the palpable boundary that one might keep around their house and is not like the Three Musketeers, as I learnt from the piercing stare I got from my informant. It is a fast paced, psychological rollercoaster of intense combat where the participants have to be kept upon their toes or risk decapitation.

Like many sports, to succeed in fencing you need to mix determination and aggression with patience and control. Utilising unbelievable complex footwork to set up an attack and then unleash it in satanic fury at the opportune moment to metaphorically murder your opponent, personi ed by the anticlimactic turning on of a light.

There are three types of fencing blades, each used in their own competition: Foil - a light thrusting, or ‘stabby’ as I call it, weapon that can target only the torso area. Sabre – a light cutty and stabby weapon where

anything above the waist counts and nally Epée – a heavier stabby weapon where the whole body is available to be whacked.

The women’s University team has done fantastically this year: they’ve only lost once. The men’s team on the other hand have struggled slightly, in fact they’ve done the opposite of the girls, but things are looking up.

Now you may be thinking: “This all sounds well and good, but I don’t want to be murdered by a maniac with a sword.” Maddie looked at me as if I had been speaking in a completely different language. When I realised I’d been speaking in French, she put my mind at rest by telling me that it doesn’t hurt when you get hit; you wear a plethora of padded garments and a mask so you can keep your eyeballs in your head. The only time it does hurt is when you pull a muscle or twist an ankle, common injuries if you partake in any sport. She then added: “It can hurt when you get properly pummelled though.” Well the solution to that is not to suck at fencing.

Why not give fencing a go? Maddie says you should start “even if you’re shit.” Which is always encouraging. If you have been inspired by the Olympics then why not give fencing a go?

It’s not dangerous and you get to play with swords, I mean come on! So stop playing with your own weapon and start playing with a much larger one (I had to put that in).

Frisbee Club land fourth place Caroline Leach impactsport Reporter he University’s Ultimate Frisbee team has once again achieved success on a national scale, taking fourth at the University Mixed Indoor Nationals, held in Wolverhampton on the weekend of the 9th and 10th of February. The result is the highest that Bath has ever achieved, and caps off a very successful indoor season for the team, which saw them qualify for three national tournaments.

Hopes were not high at the beginning of the weekend as Bath had very nearly not qualified at the regional tournament in December, taking the final Division One qualifying spot in a sudden death game against the Southampton Skunks.

This meant that they were seeded 15th of 16 and were anticipating a tough first game against second seeds Portsmouth. The seeding was quickly upended however as Bath came out fighting and won easily with a final score of 9-4.

Their next two games were not as triumphant, with both Notting-

T

23

ham and Bangor holding them to a draw. Fortunately they still finished second in their pool, qualifying for the ‘power pool’, otherwise known as the top eight.

The final game of the day was against Dundee. Winners of both the Open and Women’s Indoor Nationals this year, they were formidable opponents, very rarely making a mistake in their offensive play, leaving Bath little room for manoeuvre. The game, and the day, ended badly with a 9-3 loss for Bath.

After a good night’s sleep, it was time to take their game up a gear which they did, clinching an 11-4 victory against Surrey. This meant a quarter-final match against Aberdeen, who put up more of a fight. Still, Bath were able to outrun them in the endzone, ensuring a final scoreline of 10-7 and a spot in the semi-final.

The semi-final proved to be a tense affair against previous opponents Surrey, who had managed to come back from their disappointing finish in the morning and beat the tournament fa-

The mixed Ultimate Frisbee team nish fourth at the Nationals vourites, Edinburgh. Second time game than previously but couldn’t around Surrey benefitted from quite break them down enough to having seen Bath’s offensive play win, eventually conceding a 10-7 earlier in the day, leaving Bath at defeat.

Despite the disappointing fina disadvantage. The game went to a nail-biting sudden death fin- ish, Bath should still be pleased ish and Surrey managed to clinch with their result. It bodes well for victory and win 8-7. This meant a the on-coming outdoor season, third place play-off against previ- which begins with Open Outdoor ous rivals Dundee. Bath were de- Regionals in Cardiff on March termined to give them more of a 9th/10th.

Powell’s Peeves Football fashion My peeve this week stems from a lifelong frustration with footballers that continue to wear stupid garments, despite the fact that they are wearing said garments, in an attempt to keep warm. This anger was exacerbated when I sat down on the sofa with a cold beverage on Tuesday night to watch Arsenal take on the ugly Frenchman that is Bayern Munich.

Admittedly it was a chilly night with the temperature dropping to around 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

However, I have a problem with whatever reason makes these buffoons wear gloves on their mitts, while still insisting on wearing short sleeve shirts. If you’re going to be cold surely the extra material over their forearms will help keep them warmer. Or some underarmour (“the” universal guarantee of performance & quality) or some such?

Just two weeks ago I took to the St John’s pitches to watch the football and my anger reached an incandescent level when I saw the referee wearing a pair of gloves – any of cial that makes this decision, in my eyes, deserves all the aggressive verbal abuse inherent in English hooliganism that he receives and all my respect for this referee disappears.

What really bugs me is how these players remove these garments just ten minutes into the game! Warm up properly and you should be warm when the game begins and thus, not have to remove your ridiculous esher grabber cover! “Powell!” you say, I have seen you wearing gloves while in goal!” Well, yes you may see me wearing gloves during a football match, but this is commonly acceptable behaviour for the man that stands between the sticks.

Still I think a return to the days where goalkeepers played without mitts would make the games a lot more interesting. Rob Green’s mistake at the World Cup might have been more acceptable (or at the very, least less unacceptable). More mistakes make for better watching and it’s what keeps sports journalists in work.

Nearly two years ago the Football Association banned footballers in the from wearing those ludicrous scarf-like things known as ‘snoods’.

This week I am calling for the same to happen to gloves, so that footballers around the world can man up and ght the cold like we students do every day in the crazy queues for the buses (although if you have cold hands in the queue then this author does suggest gloves - they are really useful!).

impactsport wav3ydave

Monday 25th February 2013

Varsity is fast approaching page 22

Inside impactsport Footballing fashion Editor Matthew Powell tells impactsport of his hatred of those that combine gloves with short sleeved shirts during their foorball matches.

Page 23 has the full story

Ultimate Frisbee take fourth The University’s Ultimate Frisbee team has achieved success on a national scale, taking fourth at the University Mixed Indoor Nationals.

See page 23 for more info

Fencing frenzy hits Bath Just an example of some of the tactics used by sports clubs at the University of Bath in order to gain new members

The University of Bath’s Sports Training Village will be used as one of England Netball’s new training centres to impove elite netball in the UK

Bath to be new Netball base Matthew Powell impactsport Editor impact-sport@bath.ac.uk

I

t has been announced that the University of Bath is set to play an integral part in England Netball’s pursuit to achieve its goal of becoming world champions within six years.

England Netball has announced that the university will host one of its new Intensive Netball Training Centres (INTCs).

A planned network of three Intensive Netball Training Centres is to be created in order to improve the standard and quality of the United Kingdom’s best netballers and therefore to help England achieve its aim of becoming world champions by 2019.

Bath and Manchester are named in the plan of INTCs and England Netball is currently trying to find a host centre in or around London.

Here at the University of Bath, we have a good track record in

identifying and developing some Bath graduates Sara Bayman, Sasha Corbin and Rachel Dunn. of the country’s top netballers.

The aim of the INTC network More than 30 Team Bath netballers have represented England is to produce high quality netball at various levels and there were athletes through programmes of four Team Bath players that fea- regular coached training and supervised strength and conditured in the England team tioning. that triumphed 3-0 They will also over Australia in provide the supthe internationport that elite al series test level perlast month. formers are Univerin need of, sity of Bath for exambusiness ple physiadministraotherapy, tion graduperformate, Pamela ance lifestyle C o o k e y , and medical captained the services. team and KaStephen Baddeen Corbin, Stawav3ydave deley, director of sport cey Francis and Serena at the University of Bath, said: Guthrie also featured.

A further six former Team Bath “We’re delighted with the anplayers were also in the England nouncement that we’ll be hosting squad during the series, including one of England Netball’s Intensive

Netball Training Centres.

“Our track record of developing talented netball players speaks for itself and we’re committed to building on that work.

“We already have a strong partnership with England Netball and we feel that this announcement can only strengthen that relationship.”

This announcement comes just days after British Swimming announced it was set to extend its commitment to its Intensive Training Centre at the Sports Training Village.

British Athletics have also committed to an on-going partnership with the University of Bath through to 2017.

These announcements show the continued good work that the University of Bath is achieving when it comes to elite sport, as we host more than 250 international-level athletes plus national and regional squads across a several sports.

impactsport Reporter Ben Cochrane adds to his collection of interviews with University Sport Clubs, as he cross-examines a member of the Fencing Club.

Turn to page 23 to read the full story

Varsity Preview SU Sport Of cer Jon Gleave looks ahead to the Aldi - Best of the South West Varsity Weekend 2013. As Bath look to make it two consecutive Varsity wins.

Turn to page 22 for more

Get involved If you are interested in sport and want to contribute, then contact bathimpact Sport Editor Matthew Powell (impact-sport@bath. ac.uk) to find out more details about how you can get involved.

We’re always looking for writers, photographers, people to take part, or just all round sports buffs to help out. So, if you have a story you want to share, don’t be afraid to get in touch!

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Monday 25th February 2013

bite bathimpact.tumblr.com

bite Editorial : Chris Brown I

’m sure that most of you (I’m not actually sure at all, it just seems like a good way to start this) read the editorial on page two of bathimpact that raises the question of Oscar Pistorius and what will history remember? The heroic amputee who struggled against both his disability and regulatory bodies to become the rst Paralympian to compete in the Olympics, or the far less heroic individual who shot his girlfriend through a bathroom door. If you haven’t then I recommend it, it’s awfully good and got me thinking about the similar cases in music. The most obvious example here is Chris Brown and I know The Grammys were a while ago by the time this goes to print, but I feel it’s still an interesting point.

Obviously the main talking point was the evident fact that Rihanna appeared to have forgiven Chris for seemingly attempting cartoon levels of violence on her face and then deciding to eternally document that fact with a tattoo on his neck. He had also assaulted Frank Ocean a few weeks earlier and refused to applaud the Odd Futures star who beat him in the Best Urban Contemporary Album category, thereby cementing his status as the Mel Gibson of the RnB world (we would contact Mel for a statement but we assume he’d be too busy throwing rocks at a Gay Pride poster). Anyway I personally think it is absolutely disgusting that this man is not only allowed back into the music business, but is also still celebrated and adored. Not one person tried to set him on re, not even a little bit, but I think Chris Brown is a lost cause.

He is literally a symbol for everything that is wrong with the west (ETIWWTW from now on). He is what would happen if Goldman Sachs turned into a person. He is the

A nibble of bite

fans and they have arguably had to suffer an even more horri c truth about one of their idols, lead singer Ian Watkins. Now I’ve never really been a big Prophets fan, but I know a lot of their fans will have used that music to get them through hard times and perhaps now feel that the music is tainted. This could then potentially put them back into whatever dark place they were in before and make it more dif cult to work their way out again because of the effect of the scandal. After the Ian Watkins scandal broke on Facebook I saw a lot of people attacking fans who had previously openly supported Lostprophets, with some suggesting that they were “enabling a paedophile”. Despite the horri c crime Watkins is accused of, this is clearly wrong and could potentially do lasting damage to a fan who is already suffering through a confusing experience. In the same way that blindly defending Chris Brown despite the fact he is ETIWWTW is wrong, attacking a fan solely for believing in the music someone may once have creates is also wrong. You can separate the music and the message from the person, but you equally can never use it as an excuse.

Anyway, that’s a rather more serious beginning to an issue than we usually have. This issue’s theme is “Geek” and it’s rather awesome and more light hearted than this I promise. Hope you kids enjoy it.

opposite of Batman (Community props yo). Instead I’m going to segue nicely into Rihanna and the fans.

Firstly, Rihanna and the fact that some people are chastising her over her decision to get back with ETIWWTW. She’s a grown woman; she can make her own decisions. She’s also not exactly living a normal life, I mean what with the constant media presence and the millions and millions of dollars. If I had that lifestyle you’d probably nd me dressed as a 19th century explorer taking my Ocelot on a walk through my cocaine desert to the Whiskey Sea for a dip in Zooey Deschanel Cove (I’m still yet to decide if it’s a cove with the real Zooey Deschanel in or with multiple look-a-likes) and lunch on LSD Island.

We’ve all made mistakes and not realised it until it’s too late, imagine if your love life was ashed up on millions of websites and iPhones as soon as you did something you probably shouldn’t have. I think it’s important to remember that Rihanna, despite being famous, is still a victim of domestic abuse and shouldn’t be publically attacked for her decisions. It seems a little patronising and insensitive to me. It also leaves less time for chastising ETIWWTW and we need to focus our hatred here people.

Now we’ll move onto the fans, or as they’re affectionately known, ‘Team Breezy’. They’re a bit infamous for defending ETIWWTW ercely and illiterately across Twitter and Facebook (for example their attacks on Zach Braff during the Grammys after Zach pointed out that ETIWWTW is a horrible woman beating scumbag). Now I don’t know many Chris Brown fans, I think it’s because most of my friends have ears and eyes that are connected to functioning brains, but I know a lot of Lostprophets

To get involved in bite and hear the playlist for this issue, head over to our facebook group at www.facebook.com/bathimpactbite Or email me at impact-bite@bath.ac.uk

This week’s theme is...

Blog of the week:

Geek! We’re at a university that specialises in Maths, Physics and Engineering so we assume this will be relevant here at Bath (stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason).

If you glance to your right you’ll see Ron Morrow discussing Geek culture’s move to the mainstream and if you turn to page 5 Rachel Fletcher will be discussing some of the consequences of this. Then we also have geek chic fashion on pages 10 and 11, along with geek themed lifestyle on pages 14 and 15.

http://davidcameronpretendingtobecommon.tumblr. com/ Basically does what it says on the tin. Pictures that document David Camreon’s frequent and often hilarious attempts to bond with the common man. It’s one of those things where you don’t realise how funny it is until you see it for yourself.

If you do one thing this week...

Things to...

This one has to be going to see Netsky at the O2 Academy Bristol on March 2nd.

If you turn to page 9 you can see our interview with the Belgian producer who brings his critically acclaimed Netsky LIVE tour to Bristol. Expect a live band playing all manner of EDM from his genre spanning album, ‘2’, with a fantastic atmosphere and heavy drops.

Watch: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Considering the fact that it’s absolutely brilliant and stars Danny DeVito and Charlie Day, it’s a surprise that this American comedy is so little known in the UK. Read: Hunter S. Thompson. Because everyone loves drug fueled rampages.

Listen: Netsky. Just read our interview on page 9 to nd out why.

2013 Tomb Raider reboot anyone? 12th March

Best quotes from our heads

It’s game time

“When the going gets weird, the weird go pro.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

Fancy a quick video games x? Well turn to page 7!

Ron Morrow gives us his usual lm review and this week he turns his expert eye upon Wreck It Ralph, Disney’s brand new lm set in the world of video games.

Alex Grounds then discusses the future of gaming and takes us through the new Linux-Steam systems that are set to bring PC Gaming to the mainstream.

“I pray my dick gets as big as the Eiffel Tower so I can fuck the world for 72 hours” ― Kendrick Lamar “Don’t vajazzle our memories.” ― Charlie Brooker

New Release:

The Stereophonics, Graf ti On The Train, March 4th

Monday 25th February 2013

bite

3

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On nerds, by nerds, for nerds trentsc

written by Ron Morrow

The nerd, often ridiculed or excluded, seems to be coming into the mainstream with shows such as The Big Bang Theory, but is this really leading to wider acceptance?

I

am a nerd. Admittedly not the kind you’ll see antagonised and bullied in American sit-coms and lms, with the awkward set of social skills and a set of jam jar lenses stuffed into a set of thick frames. Although oh man, I’ve lost count of how many of those boxes I tick. I ll my time with lms, books, and games of the video, board, card and roleplaying varieties (yes that means D&D. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it). I make ridiculous costumes for nights out, quote references endlessly, and have a heightened appreciation for internet memes. By my own constructed de nition, I am a nerd.

In hindsight, I had it pretty easy as a nerd in secondary school, especially if the dramatisations of lms actually exist elsewhere in the world. My school may as well have been in Bizarro World, where the World of Warcraft playing mosher kids somehow clawed their way to the top of the social hierarchy, leaving the arrogant jocks and chavs at the bottom to squabble. I have no idea how this came to be, but it meant that I never had to hide my interests for fear of being shunned. My brother on the other hand went to a different school and spent seven years being cool but having to reel in how nerdy he was in public. When we got to university it meant that we reacted in very different ways; I stayed exactly the same where as he was suddenly able to nally be much more open about his interests. But that’s a span of history covering 10 years. A hell of a lot changes in 10 years.

To some extent, though I hate to ever admit it, I owe thanks to the hipsters for making it common to wear things ironically where they otherwise would have been slated. While this does admittedly allow me to wear my favourite t-shirt in clubs (a design modelled after the Iron Man Mk. V armour, thanks for asking) and get away with being half fashionable, this comes as a double edged sword. If people do like things ironically then it means that they don’t really like them, they just like

popular things. This is the point at which the separation becomes clear. On the surface is the nerdy image that’s been so heavily popularised and adopted by the mainstream, while the nerds and the things they actually like are left behind.

The most explicit example I can think of pertaining to this phenomena are the jumpers with “geek” or “nerd” written across them in size in nity text. Honestly, I don’t get it. If I’m wrong then I’ll be the rst to admit it, but judging books by their covers has led to me to believe that the majority of people wearing them haven’t touched a games console in their life. Somehow in one fell swoop people have managed to convert an entire subculture of interests into an indifferent brand, while simultaneously being far too reminiscent of an internet meme by the loving name “Idiot nerd girl”. For the unacquainted, this is a picture of a girl with incredibly oversized glasses and the word “NERD” written across her hand and accompanied by statements such as “Harry Potter 3D glasses - Nerd swag”, “The cake is a lie! - Has never played Portal”, and “I watch the Big Bang Theory! - I’m such a nerd”. You get the idea, we see someone trying to free ride in our scene and instantly we take them down a peg (from the anonymous safety of the internet of course). People like Mark Zuckerberg have helped to hugely glamourise the path of the intellectual, and as ever imitation is the sincerest form of attery. Yet in the nerd scene the imitation is taken as offence and isn’t attering in the least, as it isn’t us you’re really imitating; the “nerds” seen in the news are so often your own creation that you only perpetually mimic yourselves. In return we offer disregard, propagating a rift between groups that neither seems fully intent on ever bridging.

Shows like BBT have done a similar thing to the fashion statements of the hipsters in many ways though, loving as they may appear on the surface. They’ve helped popularise our interests by having their four main characters hold every

nerdy interest known to man (how they nd time for all of it I have no idea. They’re PhD students! They should have nowhere near that much free time!), but as soon as you take a step back you begin to see where the laughter is actually directed. The majority of Polly’s jokes take on the form of some kind of put down and more often than not it’s at behaviour that’s just a little too relatable for comfort. I still remember a joke they made in season 1 about Sin (30) being roughly/ exactly one half and nding it hilarious (trust me, maths jokes are where it’s at), but as time has gone on it’s become harder to laugh with these culture representatives and much easier to laugh at them and their caricaturistic traits.

What I want people to understand is this: being a nerd is awesome. The whole idea of being geeky about something is that you’re incredibly enthusiastic about it, whatever it may well be. While there are car-geeks and football-geeks (though never labelled as such), the generic term has somehow become one of derision. If we didn’t think these things were awesome then we wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about them! I think Simon Pegg, another self-professed nerd, can sum it up far better than I, “Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”

I’d love to see more people taking an interest in my enthusiasm of choice (honestly, I can talk about lms for days, especially sci- , and frequently do), and considering The Avengers topped the Box Of ce last year it looks like more people are doing. But to see people parading around as a parody of myself is an odd re ection to see every day. I’m not hurt and I’m not insulted, but more upset that people don’t think to scratch the surface of the skin they’ve taken to wearing.

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Monday 25th February 2013

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Modern Notes: Outsiders Written by Rowan Emslie

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he prairies of the Wild West inspires an almost instant chain of reactions for the imagination. John Wayne, horses, harmonicas, violence, vast sunsets and endless shots of bourbon in a panel-doored saloon. Everybody’s seen the lms or read the books. Given a little prompting, a lot of people might whistle one of the many pieces of music indelibly linked to the romantic vision of the land of the cowboys.

Many of these sights and sounds are incongruous or atout incorrect. Ten Gallon Stetsons were not widely worn (this is one of the few cases in which you should not take everything Clin Eastwood has done as gospel) in the West, it was the humble bowler that was the hat of choice. There were actually only a handful of bank robberies between 1859 and 1900 - the timeline of the ‘frontier West’. When many Western lms were made a century later, violent crime was far more prevalent than the ‘lawless’ era they sought to immortalise. Of course, most of those lms were directed, written and produced by Italians and actually shot in Spain. The most iconic soundtracks were largely written by Ennio Morricone, a luminous musical talent from his earliest childhood in Rome. Chances are, if you do start whistling a soundtrack from a Western, he wrote it.

The most American of all lm genres is pretty much dominated by foreigners, at least behind the scenes. The stars are as American as homicidal apple pie, but the men and women who dressed them, put the words in their mouths and put them out into the dustlands of Spain were normally European.

Unsurprisingly, it is the outsider, the hard-bitten loner from out of town, who ful lls the role of hero in many Westerns.

A pure form of escapism, the outsider lmmakers, away from the prosperity of the gilded Hollywood hills, cast themselves as the most American of all roles, hoping to be embraced by an isolationist nation wary of the old world.

Before lm took the Western to Europe, Aaron Copland - a second generation immigrant of Lithuanian-Jewish descent became perhaps the most popular American composer of all time by putting the spirit of the frontier into music. While he initially dabbled in high-modernist composition, by the 1930s he developed a wilfully populist style that established him as the most well-known American composer of the twentieth century. His works include Fanfare For The Common Man, Appalachian Spring and Lincoln’s Portrait - all are staples of ‘Americana’, used extensively by politicians of both hues seeking to evoke idealised patriotic visions. Listening to them, the audience is transported to the vast open vistas of Arizona, striding out on horseback to a new life and a new world. This is the music of hope and the American dream, patriotism remodelled as an immigrant’s dream of the USA. As is famously inscribed on “Give me your tired, your poor, / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

It’s probably no surprise that Copland didn’t really t in with the social norms of his era - he was homosexual, a Francophone and an avowed liberal with several famous socialist friends and comrades. Morricone is a darling of the European avant-garde, born from a musical family, who built his fame from collaborations with Europeans. Neither are natural icons of the patriotic romanticism of the Wild West - you can’t imagine them striking up a friendship with John Wayne, for instance. All-American, hard-drinking, womanising lm icons tend not to mix with classical composers at the best of times.

Copland and Morricone cemented their popularity in American culture despite these dif culties. Wordlessly, they overcame the very real potential of outsider status.

The unspoken hero is another Western archetype. Eastwood’s most iconic character is credited as, simply, The Man With No Name. He strides into situations and saves the day, a man with no identity and no past. This is, surely, the dream of any stranger coming into a new environment. It is suitable that the music of immigrants became the soundtrack of that dream.

You don’t know how much you need a giant image of Clint Eastwood, until you have a giant image of Clint Eastwood

Monday 25th February 2013

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The Self Proclaimed Nerd written by Rachel Fletcher

missguided

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This is the kind of thing we’re talking about and we don’t approve. Yes, I know it’s dif cult, but we don’t

ccording to the ever reliable World Wide Web (a place I may as well start calling ‘home’) the term ‘geek’ is one used to describe “a highly unfashionable or socially inept person” or someone “with an eccentric devotion to a particular interest”. Both definitions, especially the former are somewhat derogatory.

The reason I felt the need to google such a common place word as geek before I started writing this was because I thought maybe I might have my definition slightly wrong.

Growing up, ‘geek’ and ‘nerd’ were names thrown at the so called ‘swots’ of the classroom, these names were the reason that nobody liked to be the first to put their hand up, or mention that they did particularly well in a spelling test.

I have always found them to be rather negative terms, and I’m glad my good friend Google agrees.

In this day in age, although it’s still scarily close to the school days that I remember, being a nerd is more of a fashion statement and something to be shouted about. So much so that fifteen year old girls feel the need to wear the word in bold capitals across their jumpers. And I’m not blaming the girls, fifteen year old girls will always wear stupid clothes and call themselves stupid things. It wasn’t so long ago that we were wearing skinny jeans and band T-shirts, and growing fringes that we couldn’t see out from under (and I know that wasn’t just me). I guess I should blame Top Shop for selling shirts like this, but then again, Top Shop will always be there to put you in something ridiculous and hiding your true ridiculousness from everyone but a future you. The issue is, especially if you are fifteen, the words ‘nerd’ and ‘geek’ seem to have this dual meaning, and depending on your social status, the words will mean different things.

I must apologise for both Google’s and my own definition of geeks, and just clarify that when I say that it is a derogatory term, I do not mean that there is anything wrong with being an actual geek, just that it is often used wrongly to bully and belittle. If you’ve worked damn hard to be the best in the country at some ridiculously complex and severely specific branch of Physics, then you probably, by classical use of the term, are a ‘geek’. If you are currently the unbeaten champion of Magic: The Gathering, then you too, probably also have nerdy elements to your personality. And if you, like me, enjoy the occasional bad science joke, then you probably are a bit of a nerd. And I use these words this time endearingly, and am in no way calling you a completely socially inept, awkward mess. To get to where you are on that Physics course requires hard work, you’ve worked to earn the term geek. If you like to play endless games of Magic on weekends, then you’ve also earned the term. And if you’ve got to a level where you can understand high end science banter, then maybe not to the extent of the other two, but you’ve done something to earn the label.

And my problem is the girls in the ‘GEEK’ jumpers haven’t, nor have many of the planet’s teenagers, although I can guarantee that their Tumblr pages, and Big Bang Theory box-sets will testify differently. Wearing big glasses doesn’t make you a nerd (and at the risk of those who know me calling me a massive hypocrite), it makes you an annoying little swaglet who doesn’t understand what they’re saying about themselves (I should mention at this point, that I need my glasses to actually see). Playing Pokemon and raving about how much you love it to the cyber world when you’re barely old enough to remember or know what a Gameboy Colour is, does not make you a geek, it means you just like Pokemon.

But, I guess I shouldn’t hold it against these eager to fit into a niche teenagers. Like I said, we were all fifteen once and making bad decisions. Maybe the self- proclaimed nerds aren’t the issue. Maybe the issue is that there are selfproclaimed anythings. Maybe we should just stop labelling ourselves, and others, and just be self- proclaimed humans.

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Monday 25th February 2013

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Theatre Review: Great Expectations written by Ron Morrow and Lucinda Vinestock

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espite my previous closest contact with Charles Dickens being A Muppet’s Christmas Carol, I have to admit I thoroughly enjoyed the new West End production of Great Expectations. It could have been something to do with the fact that the main character, Pip, is played fantastically and is totally my type: rugged, lost, in need of saving and not afraid to experiment with makeup. Even if that’s not it, it’s definitely worth seeing.

Despite being unacquainted with Great Expectations, I was happy to find it an interesting, emotive, and thought-provoking play that I loved and I it enjoyed as a performance even more so.

For any Dickensian virgins (ha, that vaguely works on an innuendo level, who knew?), Great Expectations is the tale of a man by the name of Pip revisiting a part of his life left deserted. He sees the younger version of himself live out his life, with the parallels drawn from the side-by-side performances of old (Paul Nivison) and young (Taylor Jay-Davies) being weirdly haunting yet utterly mesmerising. The potential difficulty and pitfalls of producing an adaptation from something written in the first person are completely overcome by the skill of the actors and the production as a whole.

The Tim Burton-esque staging and cobwebbed couture costumes makes the whole thing feel gothic and twisted. The staging is phenomenal: faces protruding from the sides of the stage, men climbing out of decaying walls, cobwebs swaying over the stage, secret hideyholes. Sticking to one set piece and demonstrating different locales by a change in lighting gives a natural flow to the performance, as well as illustrating just how rooted Pip’s memories are in the house he can never forget. The way space is used and the lighting, sound effects and movements are so well suited to the play and its message that it feels as though it could never be done any other way.

The portrayal of Dickens’ creations is spot on and they are portrayed with stylistic excellence. Pip is jovial but wonderfully haunted, both old and young; Joe is a chump and plays the loyal best friend as well as Carrie’s besties do in SATC; Estella (Grace Rowe) is darkly beautiful and plays the ‘heartless bitch who discovers she actually has a heart’ incredibly well; Miss Havisham (Paula Wilcox) is played very much in the Mr Rochester’s crazy-oldwife-in-the-attic style, and then some. Mr Wopsle, whose odd name doesn’t even come near to his odd personality, made my skin crawl with his weird groping and purring – apt, given that he looked like Dr Seuss’ Cat in the Hat. Odd, but brilliant.

Speaking of creepy, the whole play feels just a little bit... seedy. I’m not sure if it was my overeager Freudian mind or not, but the play seems to involve a fair amount of incestuous stroking, near-crotch action and general sexualisation of everything. In-your-end-o, if you know what I’m saying.

I’d be interested in learning more about the contouring makeup they used to create the ‘urchin-chic-with-amazing-bone-structure’ look, but more so in the staging and the way it was directed – I’ve not been so enthralled by the mechanics of language and theatre in a long time. The interpretation of the words and emotions was phenomenal and reminded why I love the theatre so much. The exaggeration of everything made the play even more gothic and magical. And also I would quite like the lead character’s phone number (pretty please?). All in all, this West End production of ‘Great Expectations’ is an incredibly fitting way to celebrate Charles Dickens’ 201st birthday. ‘What larks’.

Playing at the Vaudeville Theatre, London, from the 18th February to the 30th March.

Tickets from £45.00 Adapted by Jo Clifford Directed by Graham McLaren

Music Review: Everything Everything written by Robert Page

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he rst time someone listens to an Everything Everything track, their reaction is usually something along the lines of “what the fuck was that?” or “What is wrong with that man’s voice?” But after a second or third listen, it all starts to make a lot more sense. Everything Everything are nothing if not different, or as lead singer Jonathan Higgs put it when asked what genre the band fell into, “We try not to make it sound like a lot of things you’ve heard before.”

Arc is the bands follow up to 2011’s Mercury nominated debut album, Man Alive, and it’s clear that the band are not keen to rest on their laurels in terms of their sound. This is a much more grown-up album then their spiky and youthful rst record, although the old Everything Everything is de antly still to be heard on tracks like ‘Cough Cough’ and ‘Torso Of The Week’, as only Everything Everything could start an album off with the lyrics “yeah, so, um, wait a second”. Ironically the album never really gets going after ‘Cough Cough’ but slower numbers such as ‘The Peaks’ speak volumes as to the potential this band has to connect with audiences beyond the catchy novelties that dominated their early work.

All in all, this album is probably on a par with Man Alive, and although that in itself is a great compliment, you do get the sense that this is a band who could achieve a lot more. Who know maybe they will, but this certainly won’t be remembered as great if they go on to have the career their potential merits.

Monday 25th February 2013

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Film Review: Wreck It Ralph written by Ron Morrow

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t is well established that lms based upon videogames commonly only leave room for disaster, but a lm wholly about videogames? That’s some largely uncovered ground, and Disney has shown that it is well worth some further exploration because Wreck-it Ralph is a joy.

Ralph (John C. Reilly) is a wrecker, the antagonist to Felix Jr. (Jack McBrayer) of Fix-it Felix Jr.; a staple of the arcade scene that has been in operation for 30 years now. Ralph’s fed up of being the bad-guy in his game so decides to ‘game jump’ over to Hero’s Duty in order to get a medal and claim the recognition he feels he deserves. Along the way he’ll meet recognisable characters from gaming’s colourful history as well as caricatures of more modern video game protagonists. In the rst person shooter Hero’s Duty he meets the grizzled Captain Calhoun (Jane Lynch) and the cute mis t kart racer Vanellope Von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman), as well as the oppressive King Candy (Alan Tudyk).

While this is clearly a kids’ lm, it’s hard to tell whether young children are Wreck-it Ralph’s intended viewing audience, or if it’s really 20-somethings. The nostalgia references are rife, but spread evenly as to not detract too heavily from its plot. They’re all references that no child would understand, in some cases because they’re too young to remember or just too young to yet have an interest. Hell, I’m 22 and the inclusion of Q*bert is pushing my memory to its limits, though compensating for that is the inclusion of Skrillex as a pixelated DJ clearly aimed straight at people my age. It means there’s something here for everyone to enjoy and the writing tying it all together has been handled superbly and is sure to keep you laughing.

The animation works well too, remaining loosely block and pixel orientated but still retaining its own distinct style. The characters from each world look and move in a style relevant to their game and era and the music changes accordingly to re ect the change in scenery. The combination of it all brings more life to the characters and worlds than any player behind a controller ever could. To top it all off there’s a boss battle that most games I’ve played in the last few years should be jealous of, as he’s big and he’s mean and a more than satisfying opponent for our hero to face.

The nal result is clearly lovingly crafted and offers homage to the arcade scene of yesteryear for older audiences whilst simultaneously cleverly catering for the younger viewers. Ralph may well be the bad-guy in his game, but he’s by no means a bad guy and he stars in a lm that is most certainly good.

7.5/10

Gaming: The Valve Steambox V

written by Alex Grounds

ideo games can be fantastically cathartic at the end of an arduous day of university-ing when the lecturer just hasn’t got off your back all day about your bloody goddamn problem sheet. No I haven’t done it. Back the shit off. Idiot.

Video games are a release from real life and a way to achieve with the minimum of effort – there are endorphins in there somewhere and some science and things that a large amount of people have studied to nd out how people can be addicted to them. But if we ignore all the negative press being made about video games by the “National Killing People Machine Association” (NRA) in the US there are some interesting developments happening in the video game industry right now and it is the crest of the wave of what could possibly be called the open source revolution of the future!

Open source, in the computing industry, is the name given to software that is developed by programmers for free. The most famous example of this is probably Google and Google Drive but another, larger project, is the Linux operating system, essentially a group of people who disliked Microsoft so much that they released a competitor and it all took off from there!

Steam is a program which can download video games to your PC from the internet and is owned by a company called Valve. Valve have recently announced that they are going to be creating a competitor to the Xbox and Playstation called a Steambox that has been described as “a PC for your living room” by Valve boss Gabe Newell.

Now, due to being a massive geek, this news is fairly exciting to me (in a platonic way obviously!) because it will bring actual innovation into the console market for the rst time in a long time – even if you look at Nintendo with the Wii they only changed the control method (kudos to them for thinking of it though). This box would allow for actual control over what was output onto your telly – it’s just a PC. Surf the channel on your telly? Sure thing! Look at HD cats? YES!!11?1!!* Now commercially the important thing is that Steam encourages game developers to put their games and programs onto Linux in order to allow competition and encourage end-users (gamers) to buy a computer for their living rooms. A large problem with this is that because Valve aren’t manufacturing the actual boxes they cannot sell at a loss meaning that they cannot compete with Microsoft and Sony for the casual market (I assume that non-gamers care less about the long term bene ts of a Steam Box over a Microsoft controlled dashboard!) meaning that this is a rather risky business to be expanding into from a pure software business.

However, the deeper rami cations are also deeper than the depth I have previously described.

If Valve can convince developers to begin developing for Linux then people buying PCs for gaming (comme moi!) would then have a choice to use Linux for their “rigs” and not have to use Windows (and Microsoft have let everyone down with Windows 8 only being usable on touchscreens!) which, for me, is a rather joyous proposition.

It looks like the consoles of the future are pretty damn adorable, look at it!

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Monday 25th February 2012

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The Guide

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Listen to The Guide on 1449AM URB on Monday’s at 6pm for more information on local events, such as The Courteeners hitting Bristol as part of their latest UK tour

Music

Film

Comedy

Netsky LIVE, Saturday 2nd March at O2 Academy Bristol. Tickets: £12.50

Bolshoi: Don Quixote (Captured Live March 2010), Monday 25th February , 14.30 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50

Bigger, Louder, Harder, Longer: The New Four Poofs and a Piano, Thursday 28th February at Jongleurs Comedy Show, Bristol. Tickets: £15

The famous ballet, performed at Russia’s Bolshoi theatre in 2010, documents the story of Don Quixote, a nobleman obsessed with chivalry and romance, who decides to go on a quest to accomplish great feats which will bring glory to his name. Adopted from Miguel de Cervantes that was rst published in 1605 and rst adapted for ballet in 1740, bring a bit of culture to your week.

You know you want to go see them. No matter how much you say you don’t, you still kind of do don’t you? Containing original member Big Dave Wickenden and 3 new member, the show creates a mix of comedy and music that is guaranteed to make you laugh.

Belgians nest DnB producer brings his acclaimed Netsky LIVE tour to Bristol as he continues a relentless touring schedule on the back of his brilliant second album, 2. Expect a mix of multiple EDM genres played by a live band with live mixes by the man himself. In Europe he regularly packs out arenas so don’t miss your chance to see him in such an intimate venue.

The Courteeners, Thursday 7th March at O2 Academy Bristol. Tickets: £18.50 Currently touring Anna, the bands third top 10 album, The Courteeners bring their classic British indie sound to Bristol. Before the release of Anna the band sold out the 12,000 capacity Manchester Evening News Arena, so again this is a rare chance to see a band of this size playing in such a small room. They’re also one of Morrisey’s favourite bands, and if they can make him of all people smile...

Foals, Monday 11th March at O2 Academy Bristol, Tickets: £16.50 If you read bite last week then you already know that we love both Foals and their new album Holy Fire. Recently announced for Reading festival and with two other standout albums under their belt, this is de nitely not one to be missed.

Fire in the Blood & Discussion, Monday 25th February, 20.30 at Little Theatre, Bath. Tickets: £5.50

Cukooland: Shazi Mirza, Sunday 3rd March at The Brewery, Bristol. Tickets: £12

The scandal of Big Pharma’s refusal to reduce the prices of the antiretroviral drugs that could have saved the lives of many millions of third-world AIDS sufferers is powerfully articulated in rst-time writer-director Mohan Gray’s often harrowing Sundance-nominated documentary. After the screening there will be a discussion with Alan Abraham from UAEM Bristol.

Winner of the London Comedy Festival 2001 and star of Eve Ensler’s hit show, The Vagina Monologues, Shazi Mirza is one of the premier faces of Muslim comedy. Known for her appearances on BBC’s Have I Got News For You, Beautiful People, Muslim Driving School,and The Now Show, Shazi’s new show Cukooland aims to take the audience a place where anyone can be anything, do anything and say anything and has been hailed as ‘Clever, groundbreaking and very funny’ by The Evening Standard.

Met. Encore: Parsifa, Monday 4th March at Little Theatre, Bath Tickets: £5.50

The Bristol Improv Festival, Sunday 3rd March - Sunday 10th Match at The Bierkeller, Bristol. Tickets: VARIES

Director François Girard’s timeless new vision for Wagner’s nal masterpiece explores the many facets of this mystical score.

Weekday shows in the Bierkeller will host Bristol’s best improv with acts from around the UK, ending in a in a performance art brawl on Saturday.

Monday 25th February 2013

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bite meets... Netsky

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oris Daenen is actually rather a polite and unassuming man, for example because the tour bus was delayed and he found out I’d been waiting at the venue for him, he skipped the venue formalities and a chance to freshen up to do our interview straight away. This seems quite a far cry from the man who in a few hours will be blowing the roof off Cardiff Students Union with raw, uncensored bass as Netsky, the Belgian DnB producer who is one of the biggest names in EDM to come out of 2012. A number one album in Belgium and a host of huge shows, which he talks about with the same modesty: “We did some really cool festival shows with the live bands this summer, I think our highlight was a Belgain Festival called Pukklepop when we closed the main stage after Bjork and Snoop Dog. We played to 30,000 people which was insane because the rst show with the live band was in April at the Brixton Academy and it’s just amazing to see how it’s grown so fast and do so many amazing festivals. It’s also been an amazing summer in the UK, we did Park Life, Lovebox, Beach Break and I’ve really been enjoying myself, it’s been a good year”.

This all seemed unthinkable a few years ago when Netsky was still an underground liquid DnB producer, paying his dues on the club circuit. However, he’s still trying to stay true to his roots: “We still do a lot of the smaller shows, we’ve been touring for twelve days so far and some of them were smaller venues, 800 in Nottingham, even smaller in Coventry and it’s great to have both. I’d never only want to do large stages or intimate gigs as there’s something special about a festival stage and a small stage. I like to do both and be able to compare them to each other”.

The Netsky LIVE tour will be heading to Bristols O2 Academy on March 2nd, and it’s not going to be quite the same show as Pukklepop, but it’s still unlike pretty much any EDM show you might have seen, as he explains: “Basically we do a full live band and try to play everything live, drums, keyboards and guest vocalists. It’s great, for me personally and to everyone on stage, because it’s far more interactive and exciting because there’s always the chance that something could go wrong unlike in a solo DJ set and it’s very visually appealing. People can expect a very energetic live band set and some guest vocalists”.

In Belgium Netsky is arguably a household name after his second album went to number one and he’s sold out arenas.

As someone who’s made a name for himself in Europe and moved on to the UK, there’s no one better to compare the two scenes: “There’s de nitely a difference. I saw a massive growth in the bass scene in Belgium, France, Germany and Eastern Europe and it’s funny, because the UK is really the birthplace of bass music. DJs, producers and artists only started going over to Europe a lot in about 2005 and now it’s really grown.

The great thing about DnB and dubstep and all kinds of bass music in Europe right now is that people are really excited about it and they aren’t spoiled by seeing DJs every week so they look forward to seeing DJs every once in a month, whereas in the UK there are big artists in every city every night. I think it’s a good thing for a healthy scene because sometimes there’s a little bit more excitement and people look forward to gigs that little bit more”.

Netsky has previously noted the similarities of the bass movement to the punk movement and anyone who’s been to a big DnB show at a festival probably understands this.

However, with EDM now fully breaking into the mainstream it’s not necessarily still the case: “It was more relevant to the big Skrillex movement of about a year ago but I do think it’s comparable. You see a lot of kids going to shows more for a feeling and get loose and have a really great night. There’s also some aggression in there and I guess it’s a raw and entertaining aggression. I

wouldn’t say we want to play in front of a crowd as a mosh pit act, like I’m not going to stop a show if people start mosh pitting but it’s de nitely not what we try to do as opposed to other bass shows that really want to encourage it”.

Moving on from tour talk, Netsky’s breakthrough album, ‘2’, contains a brilliant mix of styles and genres. Many people would nd it dif cult to create a coherent whole from such a brilliant mash up, but Netsky sees that as the appeal: “I think that’s the whole reason I enjoy making albums instead of just releasing singles. A few years ago when I was only making liquid DnB and it was very underground I used to like making singles and aim for the next kind of sound.

But the great thing about making an album is that you can actually play a tune like example Puppy, which is a house track, and people do enjoy it, but I wouldn’t be able to just out it out because that’s not what people know me for. I think that’s the beauty of an album because you can really work on a whole story rather than just one track. You can experiment a lot more and I feel a lot more con dent about putting things on there that people wouldn’t normally think of me making”.

After such a successful 2012 it’s hard to imagine where to go in 2013, but as someone who spent time hitting the circuit

hard, it’s more of the same for Netsky to cement his place in the scene as one of the best live EDM acts: “We’re de nitely focusing on the live band, we’re going to tour a lot. We’re going to take it state side, I’m going to New Zealand and then we’re also doing some Asian Shows.

We’re just going to tour as much as we can I’m going to take a month of to work on some new tunes. I’ve got a few ready for a next album, but I’m not sure when and I’ll just see and keep making music. With new music I just want to work from day to day and see what happens and try to evolve as much as I can because whenever I make plans I feel like they hold me back. When I set deadlines it never really works out for me and I’d rather have the freedom to just work when I want and when I can. So I’ll see what happens and it’s a mystery to me as well”.

Finally, as is the bite staple, we move on to what Netsky is listening to right now and what we should look out for in 2013: “Where to begin? I think Disclosure are the most exciting thing in dance music at the moment. KOAN Sound is great, and a lot of people are doing the glitchy hip hop style thing which is really cool. It’s great to see all these really cool funky styles coming back and it’s very exciting”.

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Monday 25th February 2013

bite bathimpact.tumblr.com Written by Sophia Guilfoyle

J

azz up your look this month by embracing the latest fad: geek chic. For the real nerds-at-heart out there – do not fret - looking geeky this year is cool, apparently. For everyone else… it doesn’t matter if you have never read Lord of the Rings, if you hate gadgets and gizmos, or even if you have twenty-twenty vision, getting the geek look is as easy as 1,2,3. The geek chic look is centred around looking cute and bookish whilst avoiding the formality of professional attire; so keep your eyes out for pleated skirts and blouses done up to the top button. Don’t however make the mistake of wearing both items together - unless you do want to look like a schoolgirl. Add air to your blouse by investing in an ASOS collar tip. These unique and playful accessories are a great way to diversify your wardrobe – it transforms a simple work shirt into a stylish blouse in just two clicks and with just ten pounds.

Eleanor (left) is showcasing her classic geek-chic inspired look. Her pinafore is typically schoolgirl-esque (especially as it is from H&M kids – buying tax free clothes is a great way to save money - if you’re small enough of course). For everyone else who isn’t quite as petite as this lucky lady and wants to get her look, Miss Selfridge are selling a range of pinafores not dissimilar. Mixed with her striped long sleeve top Eleanor’s out t conveys the perfect balance between geek and chic. The vintage leather rucksack slung over her left shoulder is to die for. Eleanor bagged hers from eBay earlier this year, so keep your eyes peeled for similar bargains! Eleanor’s glasses are a huge fashion statement, she wears hers every day and looks fantastic, if you want to achieve a similar look you can now buy non-prescription glasses quite easily, and they are the perfect geek chic accessory. Her patent loafers and simple patent belt draw Eleanor’s out t together to add a touch of sophistication to her look.

embrace your geek

Vintage leather bag featured on Goodbyeheart.com

La Promenade Brogues Clarks £79.99

Monday 25th February 2013

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Black Coated Pinafore Dress, Miss Selfridge £42

Boy Eagle T-Shirt, Boy London £35

Alexandra (right) has got the geek chic look spot on. Her vintage dungarees bought from the Yellowshop in Bath are a reminder of childhood days and are the perfect geek chic item of clothing. Matched with her Boy London t-shirt Alex brings her outfit upto-date to show off her unique style.

Her Fluoro Cambridge satchel makes Alexandra hard to miss and is the perfect accessory for the geek chic trend.

She gets the cute look spot on with her adorable cornflower lace trim socks from TOPSHOP, and their pairing with ZARA brogues creates a sweet, innocent look. I absolutely love Alex’s hand chain ring, it is eccentric, original and very quirky. Until now they have been a unique accessory hard to come by, but with TOPSHOP stocking them they are set to be all the rage. Alexandra and Eleanor prove that looking geeky is certainly going to be the next craze, so embrace your true nerdy self this week!

Models: Eleanor Calver and Alexandra Goulds

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Monday 25th February 2013

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In a bar in central Amsterdam I

t’s a cold Thursday evening in central Amsterdam that nds Easy Weinstein alone, drinking by and to himself in some badly-lit bar. If there was ever a setting that didn’t t its inhabitants, it’s this one, as an elegant, multi-millionaire hotel tycoon in a nine-thousand dollar suit washes down cheap beer in a corner so dark it’s a surprise anybody even realized the space was there for a table to be placed. A thousand other venues would have been better for a man so expensively dressed, but not doing what is expected of him has always been Easy Weinstein’s favourite hobby. Being a fearsome gure everybody wanted the respect of was only a distant second, although Weinstein has always found himself subject to some debate as to which he has always been better at. He prefers the rst, but he knows people only ever pay attention to the second. He’d been in Amsterdam for business, and he’d meant to leave earlier that day. As usual, Weinstein rejected what he’d been told to do, and he’s stayed.

Weintein is a man with a reputation that precedes him, but he’d been used to it almost from the moment he’d uttered his rst word – and de nitely used to it by the time he’d made his rst capital gain at age 12. There was talk of the wunderkind salesman who could count faster than the next person could blink, with instinct that saw his CEO father start consulting him on land acquisitions by the time he was 16. Easy Weinstein, who could pick up a new skill seemingly almost immediately, and already knew what you were thinking before you had time to piece it together in your mind. He was viewed as an impressive character by many, and hated by many an envious investor who wanted to know the secret of what made the man so good at what he did. Indifference wasn’t something he usually encountered, and the itch of knowing one of the very few to disregard his existence so well had driven him half mad when he’d been twenty-three. It was a woman, as these things so often are – more of a best friend than a love interest, but everyone knows those two things are rarely ever totally exclusive. He’d known her the best of everyone, and she had been the only person to ever see the notorious Easy Weinstein as anything more than a man who knew what he was doing. Her respect was a challenge, and he’d not been able to get it before she’d moved on, away, and out of reach of his in uence. Funny how someone with such a similar background to him could manage to see things completely differently – but then, she’d never been the apple of her own powerful father’s eye, and hadn’t had his in uence to fall back on. She was different because she’d had to be, which was something Weinstein had never been able to understand.

It has been nine years before, and those nine years had seen Weinstein grow colder and more ruthless in his business exploits, at the same time as seeing him grow steadily more reclusive in his personal life. His reputation still held a certain awe attached to it, but it was always followed up with hushed whispers about a sad gure of a man who never had any company. Only Weinstein knew the truth, which was that more than anything he didn’t want company. He was content to make new acquisitions and keep old ones sitting in the palm of his hand, and not much else. The other truth that Weinstein had come to admit was that he was unable to be around other people for any extended period of time – he had no patience, nor would he ever learn any, he knew. You didn’t end up as powerful as man as he was through being nice to people, and so he’d never learnt to deal with other people because he’d never had to. Connections helped, it was true – but Weinstein had other people for that. All he’d ever had to

do was give his permission for lavish receptions and make it look like he cared, which curiously always seemed to work in the form of money. He was cruel because he’d never needed to be any different, which was why he’d never earned the respect of the person he’d wanted it from the most. When it was a known fact that Easy Weinstein was a man you left your pride at the door to please, it wasn’t as if he’d needed to do much else.

He’d searched for her, of course – chasing her name to Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, with her occupation always something completely different in each country.

He’d almost found her on several occasions, but she’d always managed to elude his grasp. After six years, Weinstein had given up – if she didn’t want to be found, he wasn’t sure how long he could chase her. Weinstein had tried, during the short time of their friendship, to present another side of himself; one that cared, or at the very least one that felt empathy. One that didn’t make subordinates cry if they did something wrong. It hadn’t worked, and the time had passed for Weinstein to make up the difference.

In his dark corner of the bar, Weinstein drains his beer, nding himself unsatis ed by the end of it. He’d never been a man for stalling, but then he’d never attempted to pull anything like what he was planning on that cold Thursday evening. Weinstein takes one last look at the bar, at his seat with his briefcase still sat on it. He thinks of the papers inside it, and how much trouble he’d be in for what he was about to do had his father still been alive. The old man himself had passed away the year before, and the company had mourned. He’d been a better man than Weinstein himself could ever have hoped to be, and he stood no chance of it now.

Someone will arrive to pick up the briefcase in an hour.

Weinstein tears his eyes away from the briefcase, shrugs his coat on, and steps outside into the cold.

It takes a few days for the news to surface, but as soon as it does every headline worth reading contains snatches of detail about the signing over of the entirety of Easy Weinstein’s company to some woman nobody has ever heard of, and who was reportedly last seen in Chicago by Weinstein himself nine years previously. The new CEO Ramona Huang, to be at the helm of the great Weinstein dynasty.

Every story says Ramona Huang herself declined to comment, but one perpetuates that upon receiving the news, the newly-minted chief executive had just laughed.

Easy Weinstein, of course, continues his favourite pastime of never doing what is expected of him; he disappears. Being the man he is, however, he does it with calculated ef ciency, and he is never seen again.

Thomas Gane

written by Helen Edworthy

Monday 25th February 2013

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Selected Poems by Lily Morris Passport

A Voyage

Home Comforts

Nationality: British Born: London Limp leather curls A sickly photo Flicking pages; stamps and visas cover birds poised for flight Ironic This strengthens borders and yet invites travel Just as the information page hypocritically claims identity Reduced to statistics, hiding the truth.

Nowhere are the fundamentals by which I am defined: Bookish. Nerd. Weirdo. Geek. Insults.

Or by interests. QI, Potter, or Pantomime.

But there are no words which can adequately describe The salty tears falling like monsoon rains Or the smile like a sunrise after a storm As the comfort gained from one awkward hug Assures me that Whatever I am Whoever I am I am good.

The seas is high. Higher and somehow scarier than usual The island is near, too near for safety.

And the cliffs Look Through the fog.

Safe beaches too far for comfort, Too many miles of Fish and Whale and Fins Under a pitch blue sky hidden from us by the Fog. This sea might as well be alcohol, rum, whiskey for all the Sense it makes tonight, The gold stars is sailors rely on to guide our boats are gone.

Held in the tentacles of the tempest, The fins of the fog.

Not since the days of Pirates, Buccaneers, Pillaging and Treasure have the sirens of death sung quite so loudly.

We are pulled inexorably towards the cliffs as if by waters ropes.

And we hit.

Ow. Crab shell

There is something satisfying Something comforting Something that you miss about the Clunk of the fridge door, the Chatter from the television set.

On Guide Camp, we’d share stories Of what we would do first Upon arriving back The ideas varied.

Jumping on a mattressed bed – That was a favourite.

Flicking a light, flushing a loo, phoning a friend.

But really Just being at home Familiar sofa Colours other than grass, mud and sunburn Washing smoke’s smell from your hair, Was enough.

And invariably No matter how grand our plans had been, we Sank Down onto the couch And reached for the remote Home.

Artwork by Charm Duggan

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Monday 25th February 2013

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Sex Column: Get that Geek linendoll

written by bite’s sex columnist

W

hen it comes to choosing guys, I think it’s safe to say that us ladies are always drawn to the ‘bad boys’: the ones who will corrupt us and look hot doing it; the ones who smoke and drink and talk about threesomes; the ones who our mothers would hate but also secretly fantasise about. But maybe it’s time we focused on what’s actually important: personality.

Having a really good ass is always a bonus if you’re a guy, but kindness, intelligence and a good sense of humour will probably win in the end. So maybe we should start seeing geeks? Maybe we should stop thinking ‘big penis, tight buns, hair that looks sexy pushed back’ and think more down the lines of ‘brains over brawn, mind over matter... dictionary over dick’?

‘Geeks’ have long suffered their title. Being interested in learning, playing chess, video games and World of Warcraft (what actually is that?) and having the braces-and-glasses combination going on never seemed to bene t that many guys at high school. Unless of course their aim was to accumulate as many wedgies, put-downs and rejections from the ‘hot’ girls as possible, in which case they were the silent victors, more fool us. But recently, there seems to be a surge in attractive geeks.

Television shows like ‘The Big Bang Theory’ have shown us that, against the once-inevitable, geeks can be attractive, and, dare I say it, sexy. There’s something about Sheldon Cooper’s in nite knowledge, complete lack of social skills and cute lisp that makes him way more attractive than the jocks from Jersey Shore. Who knew nerds could be hot?

It is now socially acceptable to have weird fantasies about the library, tutors and the nervous guy with spectacles bigger than his biceps who hangs out on level ve. So how acceptable is it to date them?

From past experience, there’s always been a certain taboo about telling your friends you’re seeing someone that society would view as a ‘geek’. Telling people you’re seeing the rugby captain is like giving yourself a huge pat on the back. Telling people you’re seeing the hot lead singer of a band is like giving yourself a hug because everyone knows musicians are the hottest. Telling someone you’re seeing the weird guy who looks like he masturbates furiously to Hentai is like committing social suicide whilst simultaneously punching yourself in the ovaries. But why?

Because, when you think about it, geeks make the best lovers/ companions/ boyfriends. They can help you with your university work, they can work out who owes how much of a bill at the end of a meal, their extensive computer skills will come in handy when you’re trying to format your CV to look sparkly and professional with just a touch of sass. And, statistically, they’re better in bed.

There’s not actually a statistic to prove that, but it seems logical. By default, geeks lack social skills. This means that getting one in your life can be dif cult. But it also means that once they’re in your life, they’re unlikely to ever cheat on you because that would involve talking to new people.

Researchers call it ‘sex-tech’ – the weird, innate thing that geeks possess that can drive you wild between the sheets. Apparently their ultra-awareness of things that most guys won’t even pick up on means that they can create arousing environments without you even realising. And their ability to ne-tune electronic goods for heightened pleasure will no doubt bump Ann Summers off your BFF list. The fact that nerds generally spend their life on their laptops (don’t we all though?) means that they’ve probably watched a lot of porn. So even if they ful l the ‘geeky virgin’ stereotype, there’s probably very little they haven’t seen/ re-enacted with a blow-up doll/ are open to trying. Which means you get to ful l your weird, kinky fantasies without the pressure of having a jock for a boyfriend who just wants to get it over with and drink another protein shake. And they wear glasses.

Agony Aunts Lucy and Edie Dear Lucy and Edie, So the other week I was in Forbidden Planet and I saw a really hot girl looking at the Star Wars action figures. I walked over to her and somehow plucked up the courage to try to start a conversation. She’d just picked up a Han Solo figure so I picked up a Chewbacca and did a pretty good impression of him to her then laughed. She didn’t laugh back and just looked at me oddly and walked away. What did I do wrong?

Dec

Dear Dec, Maybe she thought Han Solo was Marcel Marceau and was just doing her own impression? They do look quite similar..? I think you’re definitely in with this chick.

If not, we have this new thing called using your words. The key thing about words is that we use them to talk to each other in social situations rather than making random Wookie noises, no matter how awesome they are. I’d start with things like “Hi”, “How are you?” or “So, you like Star Wars”, then move on to the more advanced stuff we help Andrew with in the next column.

Love Lucy and Edie

Dear Lucy and Edie, I am super nerdy. Like, beyond nerd. I am everything that my stereotype dictates.

I nd other nerds really, really hot, but also really, really intimidating. How can I get myself a nice lady-nerd?

Andrew

Dear Andrew, Getting someone to join the nerd-herd is never easy. But have no fear, for we have compiled our top ve geeky chat-up lines just for you. And anyone else who reads this. So probably just for you. Give these a whirl, accompanied by nervously shuf ing your glasses around your face and awkwardly doing the two-step whilst rearranging your stats textbooks, and you’re totally set for some severe lovin’.

• My name’s Microsoft... Mind if I crash at your place tonight?

• I recognise you from somewhere. Have we met on ‘Second Life’ before?

• Hey. You remind me of my motherboard. Fancy grabbing a byte any time soon?

• Girl, if you were words on a page you’d be the iiiiine print.

• I have a big penis.

I would say good luck to you. But you won’t need it.

Bye. Lucy and Edie

Monday 25th February 2013

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Pie, pie, my delicious π! written by Lily Morris For a while I wondered what to include on this page this week.

Geeky food… what on earth could I write that would go along with this week’s theme? I oundered in the mires of geekdom

for longer than Scott Pilgrim spent dating Knives Chau, until I asked a good friend, who had the solution, ‘PIE.’ Or, π, if you’re that way inclined. It does not get any more geeky than

this so start baking these now in order to be completely ready for π day on the 14th of March (or in American form, 3/14).

Meaty Pie

Banoffee Pie My favourite pie, though, is Banoffee Pie, which, as its name suggests, includes both banana and toffee.

This serves two hungry students, or six of your parents’ friends when you want to make them think your degree is preparing you for life. You’ll need 250g chocolate chip biscuits, 100g melted butter, 400g dulce de leche, 2 peeled and sliced bananas, a packet of Maltesers, and a can of whipped cream.

One of the easiest pies you can make needs only a pie plate (or other cooking dish), shortcrust pastry (which you can even buy ready-made), a can of chicken in white sauce, and some frozen peas.

1

Grease the inside of your dish with butter or margarine, and then line with pastry.

2

3

Cover the top of the pie with more pastry to create a lid.

5

Dab the edges with water to help seal them, and prick fork holes in the top to prevent your pie exploding. Brush the lid gently with a tiny bit of water.

4

1

Fill this with the chicken mixture and a generous handful of frozen peas.

2

In a mixing bowl, rub the melted butter in.

3

Bake at 200 degrees Celsius for half an hour – if the lid looks like it is over-browning, place some aluminium foil on it.

4 1

Perfect Pastry This is a shortcrust pastry, a great base for all kinds of pies and other dishes:

3

In a large clean bowl, rub the butter into the our and salt until the mixture looks like breadcrumbs.

Gradually add the water, and use a cold knife to stir until the dough sticks together in one ball.

Wrap your dough in cling lm and chill for 20-30 minutes to let the gluten do its work. kyz

Press this mixture into a greased 8-inch loose-bottomed tin, all over the base and up along the sides. Chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Spread the dulce de leche over the biscuit base and then lay a layer of banana slices over this.

Dot the Maltesers on top of the bananas, and then cover the entire thing in whipped cream, hiding the chocolate, banana, and toffee. Yum!

The colder your hands, the better the pastry. If your pastry mixture looks yellow, it’s probably because the butter has got too warm – so put the bowl in the fridge for a while before carrying on. For the same reason, use extremely cold water.

2

200g plain our Pinch of salt 110g butter, cubed 2-3 tbsp very cold water

Put the biscuits into a large heavy duty freezer bag, lay it on the kitchen counter, and crush with a rolling pin until they are split into tiny crumbs.

Tickling! The main technique involved in making pastry is rubbing in, but it’s easy to do this with too heavy a hand. If you think of tickling instead of rubbing, it’s easier to get the amount of pressure right.

To get a lovely shiny top to your pies, brush the nished lid with egg or milk before putting it in the oven. You can even do this to shop-bought frozen pies to convince your guests they’re homemade!

4

Buy the best butter you can afford for a delicious taste – never margarine.

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Monday 25th February 2013

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Puzzle Corner Cryptic Crossword

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Horoscopes

This weeks theme: Countries

Kakuro

Sudoku

The object of a Kakuro is to insert a digit from 1 to 9 into each white cell so that the sum of the numbers in each row or column matches the clue associated with it (above or to the left of the row or column). No digit can be duplicated in any sum. Enjoy!

Pisces

February 20 - March 20

 Aries

March 21 - April 20 I’m not putting you down. I’m just saying that what you do is a really bad form of pollution that makes us dumber and meaner and is destroying civilization... unless you get that reference

Down 1. Fruity thrown explosive (7) 2. Spanish Dali (2,8) 3. You’re not a woman? (7) 4. Blind rodent pretends to be fouled (8) 5. An ass in the second person (8) 6. Knightly ale (6) 8. Home of the red Tellytubby (6) 12. Impoverished minstrel (9) 14. Neckwear claims victory! (6) 15. Hustler leave (5)



Hey Pisces, it’s your birthday, we go’n party like it’s your birthday, we go’n drink barcadi like it’s your birthday, and you know we don’t give a fuck coz it’s your birthday.

WE’RE BRINGING IT BACK !

Across 1. A female curious monkey (7) 2. Balanced entryway (7) 7. One’s self counts (5) 9. Ancient italian goes mad (7) 10. Not to eat in (4) 11. Hasten the lady (6) 13. Hello hot beverage! (5) 15. Metal container abacus (6) 16. Lair’s blemish (7) 17. Matador’s emerald cloak (4,5)

 Taurus

April 21 - May 20

 Gemini

*Sigh* Nobody cares Taurus!

May 21 - June 20

It’s time to get formal this week so make it rain, make it rain, make it rain on them hoes.



 Cancer

June 21 - July 21

Don’t worry, in some cultures erotic asphyxiation is perfectly acceptable and the door knobs in halls are really sturdy

Leo

July 22 - August 22 Its’ a new semester and remember, if you irt with the right people you never have to go to lectures





Virgo

August 23 - September 22

Libra

Fuck bitches, get money, repeat

September 23 - October 22 Try knocking rst... oops, sorry this is Oscar Pistorius’ horoscope.... Fuck me that’s dark, like shit man I need a time out

Bridges

 Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

I hope you learned a valuable lesson about patience and living on your own after we super intentionally left Scorpio out last issue



Sagittarius

November 22 - December 21

Please stop with the emotional facebook statuses or we’ll get someone to rub sand in your dead little eyes... also watch Archer



Capricorn

December 22 - January 20

I know you’ve been having a bad time lately Capricorn, but just imagine John Terry eating a load of spider webs while Beyonce breaks Chris Brown’s face over a hot iron. Don’t you feel better?

 Aquarius

January 21 - February 19

Darius N. www.gonescribbling.tumblr.com

 Scorpio

Please help, they’re keeping me locked inside the October - November 21 bathimpact of ce and won’t feed me until I 23 write horoscopes. Then if I don’t do it fast enough they take youcandle guys still a baguette andAre some waxseriously and... no...reading please, these? I gave up weeks ago NO!!!!!