bathimpact Vol 15 issue 02

bathimpact The University of Bath Students’ Union Newspaper

Volume 15 Issue 2

Your newspaper. Your news. facebook.com/bathimpact David P Howard

Monday 7th October 2013

University of Bath’s Fresher accommodation debacle

Helen Edworthy News & Comment Editor

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n September, the University of Bath found itself in a situation wherein it had become oversubscribed. Before opening for arrivals weekend, a lack of communication between accommodation and admissions resulted in the University having more students than it could realistically house.

The usual practice for the University of Bath when admitting students is for admissions and accommodation services to consult each other to make sure the numbers remain even, and so accommodation can be given to those who require it, and who apply for accommodation within the deadline. However,

this year a problem occurred when this communication between the two departments did not happen. Where there is usually a cut-off point for admissions, for the academic year 2013-14 the problem occurred when admissions accepted too many late applications, clearing students, and those who had Bath listed as their insurance university rather than their first choice. While some rooms are usually left unoccupied in case a small admissions mishap should occur, this year the issue is greater than can be easily dealt with, even taking into account the fact that priority accommodation access was given to students who were either under-18 or international.

The result of this is that some first year stu-

politics

Cuba’s cultural renaissance

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Ben Butcher returns from the last bastion of communism in Latin America to share his experiences of Cuba, 60 years after the beginning of the revolution.

dents have been housed in accommodation that would not usually be used as such, or in private accommodation.

For the students who have been housed in places that are not usually used for accommodation, the University have attempted to give shared rooms wherever possible. In previous years, any rooms that are left over when admissions are finished with applications are opened for students who are having issues with the accommodation they have been given; for example, if they are having issues with their housemates, or if they applied for particular accommodation and were then placed somewhere else. For 2013/14, this will not be done due in order to at least in part deal

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Pedro Gomes

The Party Conference’s plans for Higher Education ~ page 5

with the problem of students who are sharing rooms with others.

In some cases, University space which is not typically used for accommodation has been turned into living space, such as offices around campus and the Department for Health located in Eastwood. A few commercial buildings have also become accommodation for first years, such as the ‘Beds @ Bath’ building which is located two miles from the city centre and is usually used for the purpose of housing groups who are visiting Bath. ‘The Lodge’, which is located just off campus and was the previous Vice-Chancellor’s house, has also become first year accommodation. (continued on page 4)

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bite

The unfair representation of hip-hop

Clarity and Cloudiness

Oskar Butcher looks at the assumptions made about hip-hop, and how the majority of the genre is incorrectly brushed off as insubstantial.

This week’s bite theme is clarity and cloudiness, it has everything from local arts and culture guides to meandering thoughts about the meaning of life and lyrics, and sleep.

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On needless sponsorships I

n these days of £9000 tuition fees, students are understandably fearful of the debts they will be racking up, but fear not, Pot Noodle have launched a competition to find their very first “university scholar”. If you’re the lucky winner, they’ll pay your tuition fees for a year! Wow. 2013, and free education* This competition is run nationally with the promise of running the lucky winner's student debt by £9000 i.e. paying their tuition fees for a year, great.

So what does all of this entail? Well, to get your free year’s education, you can expect to be a glorified Except well no its not as this isn't a something for nothing deal, in return the person has to act as a human billboard for the fast food brand. You, you lucky soul will be, as they will be provided with a smorgasbord of merchandise, from this includes: T-shirts to trainers, all of which which we can only assume must will be worn on a daily basis. If this wasn’t mortifying enough, after your day ‘Pot Noodling’ you will be able to snuggle up in bed in your Pot Noodle sheets.

Now, if you decided that you

didn’t want to keep those sheets to yourself, you’re also face with having to use Pot Noodle branded condoms. Needless to say, this is quite a spin on those sauce sachets you find in each Pot Noodle. they are not even safe when they return as they will have to sleep in Pot Noodles bed sheets, embarising enough if anybody every comes round to visit. If these are 'special guests' branded condoms will be used.

We here at bathimpact don't feel that this 'competition' can be justifiable. The “scholar” is effectivlyeffectively giving selling their body over as advertising space, with no guarantee that they will win the competition. , for 38 weeks of the year, for the majority of the day. This before we even consider the implications for the poor soul who has to wear the clothing, we shall firstly consider why the state of higher education has come to this.Why has higher education come to this? bathimpact think iIt can be highly doubtful that when tutitiontuition fees were introduced

by Labour and made more expensive under the Conservatives and Lib Dems, that it was intended

as a mechanism invented the government would have thought thatfor private companies to would fund students throught their education in return for their for advertising onliterally of their backs. The Conservatives may enjoy the fact that they have steadily been re is privistationprivatising in the public sector, allowing business to become increasingly involved I things they’ve not been involved in before in the UK. However, this new twist, in the guise of a competition is hardly something we should be celebratingr and also that the plebs that these news fees are traditionally keeping out of university will be earmarked by Pot Noodle swag from head to tail.

In the age of fast food and ready meals, is there not something fundamentally wrong in advertising a foodstuff that is hardly the pinnacle of dietary requirements? There is something fundamentally wrong in essentially being bought by a company for advertise their product when that promotion could cause utter humiliation, especially when there is no guarantee of payment.

There are also health related issues with advertising fast food

on campus. Widespread obesity is needless to say a big problem within western culture and will soon cause a larger drain on the potentially privitased health service (formally the NHS) that smoking or alchol, two products on which large advertising restricitions have been placed on.

Using humans as advertising may however by pass these restrictions as it has not been thought of before. So how long is it until on campus we can play spot the pauper as they are clad in head to toe with Malboro.

Finally we'll have to carefully consider the social fallout from this, clearly hasn’t really been thought out by those in Pot Noodle HQ. The press release proudly exclaims that those involved in the stunt will become ‘legends’ on campus. bathimpact think those who sign up are more likely to find themselves ridiculed and mocked for doing something so gimmicky. Ah well. Each to their own, we guess. impact on people who are clad in this apparal, theyre will surely be issues with their lack freedom of orgionality and also the embarrassment by having their life run by a popular fast food outlet.

National Student Satisfaction?

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n our last issue, we ran a story about the University of Bath being voted Number 1 for Student Satisfaction by the National Student Survey (NSS).

Since then, bathimpact have been discussing what this title actually means. The NSS is filled in each year by graduating students, asking for ‘honest feedback on what it has been like to study their course at their institution’ since 2005, and includes students from ‘all publicly funded Higher Education Institutions (HEIs) in England, Wales, Northern Ireland, and Scotland’.

As such, Bath’s position at the top of the list is an admirable feat we achieved 94 per cent overall satisfaction, which is a rise of 3 per cent from last year. However, it does not seem to be a current representation of student satisfaction.

There are a few issues with asking final year students to fill this survey in; firstly, it becomes a representation of their university experience over the past four years, as opposed to the current year or year to come. The assessed areas are; teaching on your course, assessment feedback, academic support, organisation and management, learning resources and personal development. These are clearly good measures to aim for a rounded picture of the university experience, but the huge variation in personal experience can be lost in the means and averages of the results. This not only fails to reflect the ups and downs of university life, but paints a

much more average picture of universities as a whole than is deserved by some institutions, as well as being completely retrospective.

Secondly, the survey tells students that their university scored highly, but not how or why. The spread sheets available to download from the NSS website only give you the current and previous year’s scores across regions, as opposed to a breakdown of the criteria on which the university was scored and how it fared thereon. This makes the NSS results a seemingly arbitrary ranking system due to the fact that it then has little meaning to students on the whole, and the places which use their ranking as an advertisement aren’t giving potential students anything concrete to base their HE decisions on. This is arguably a moot point, as there are more detailed ranking tables (i.e. The Times) which are split between degree subject, quality of research and job opportunities; however, the level of advertisement that the NSS receives, as favoured over Times rankings, biases the survey to seem more important than it is.

Thirdly, with the increase in tuition fees, students should not be looked down upon for expecting their money’s worth. Many current first years could be left feeling like they are paying increased fees without experiencing increased opportunities, whether for student living or learning opportunities.

Issues, such ascommunication between depart-

ments, become absolutely essential to ensure that no students are left without housing or denied opportunities - something which has occurred at the start of the current semester.

Furthermore, and specifically to Bath, experience tells us all that coming back to campus after a placement year is enough to make us look at these familiar concrete eyesores with rose-

“

...we achieved 94 per cent overall satisfaction, which is a rise of 3 per

”

cent from last year

tinted glasses. This is likely to influence the favour with which a student might rate their time here, especially at a point when they’re nearing graduation and going off into the real world. A lot of the things which may have previously been bugbears on campus and in their department may no longer bother students, as experience in the real world serves to effectively highlight the benefits of student life.

There are also problems in Bath like the Article 4 Direction, which concerns the effective restriction of student housing allowances in Bath. This further adds to potential issues that first and second years might experi-

ence. As this has only come in recently and is not directly assessed by the criteria of the NSS (nor is it likely to have been a problematic experience for recent graduates), the Article 4 Direction and similar issues would not be reflected in the score a university is awarded. Seeing as the whole student experience is an important factor in HE decisions, it would be beneficial to have a way of measuring items external to studies in order to enable better decision making.

This are clearly a huge, sprawling number of issues that are difficult to condense into a meaningful argument, but bathimpact believes that certain components of this NSS discussion should be attended to more carefully than others. Primarily, future students should not be swayed by a retrospective analysis of a Higher Education Institution but, equally, an award such as Number 1 for Student Satisfaction is not to be brushed off. Though it leaves some things to be desired, we can be sure that graduates have been content with their time here, and their responses are not to be discounted due to technical short fallings in the survey. It will always be difficult to assess every aspect of an HE experience, and that an external body has attempted to do so is admirable, if flawed. bathimpact would like to see changes both in the NSS as an assessment and also how the results are used by HEIs to advertise to future students. Nonetheless, well done Bath; the achievement is not to be sniffed at.

The bathimpact team Simon Rushton Editor-in-Chief impact-editor@bath.ac.uk

Tomos Evans Deputy Editor-in-Chief impact-deputy@bath.ac.uk

Ben Hooper bite Editor impact-bite@bath.ac.uk

Helen Edworthy News and Comment Editor impact-news@bath.ac.uk

Tom Ash Features Editor impact-features@bath.ac.uk

Connor McGregor Morton Sport Editor impact-sport@bath.ac.uk

Pedro Gomes Photography Editor impact-photo@bath.ac.uk

Gemma Isherwood Online Editor impact-it@bath.ac.uk

Poppy Peake Publicity Officer impact-publicity@bath.ac.uk

Gabriela Georgieva Design Editor impact-design@bath.ac.uk

Elliott Campbell Media Officer su-media-officer@bath.ac.uk

Advertising Enquires Helen Freeman H.Freeman@bath.ac.uk 01225 386806

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bathimpact Students’ Union University of Bath Bath BA2 7AY 01225 38 6151

The opinions expressed in bathimpact are not necessarily those of the bathimpact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. bathimpact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct.

Please contact them for any information.

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UPCOMING EVENT

NATIONAL

INTERNATIONAL

Southgate Bath Student Lock-In. Promising an evening of discounts and giveaways, the Student Lock-In is open to all college, sixth form, and university students over 16.

Where: Southgate Bath When: Thursday 10th October, 7pm9.30pm

A teenage boy who was found messaging a friend on Facebook that he wanted to ‘take Muslims down’ has admitted possessing bomb parts at the Old Bailey. The boy was found collecting stories of mass murderers, who he is said to have been inspired by, as well as a collection of weapons including petrol bombs and a machete.

Russian authorities have charged sixteen Greenpeace activists with piracy after a protest was staged on an oil rig in the Arctic.

The sixteen protestors were the remaining numbers to be charged of the thirty member crew of the ‘Arctic Sunrise’. The charges are due to the protestors attempting to climb onto an oil rig owned by a Russian statecontrolled firm. Six of the protestors are from the UK.

UPCOMING EVENT

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The University is running a ballot to offer students a chance to win tickets for the installation of the new Chancellor, His Royal Highness Prince Edward, the Earl of Wessex.

Pubs and clubs in Bath have been given the all-clear after a police operation to deal with anti-social behaviour due to excess drinking. The police worked in conjunction with council members from Bath and North East Somerset, and are said to have found no significant problems in any venue.

A headteacher from north London has pleaded guilty to charges of fraud. Sir Alan Davies, of Wembley’s Copland School, admitted to six counts of ‘false accounting’ and creating a paper trail of fraudulent bonus payments and allowances. The money remains missing, and five other people arrested in connection with the crime have been found not guilty.

Media Welcome Social. University of Bath’s Student Media groups are throwing a joint social, as a chance for new contributors to get involved.

updates & events

Where: Bath Abbey When: Thursday 7th November

Where: Starting in The Plug When: Tuesday 8th October, 7pm.

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Freshers’ accommodation mishap

(continued from front page) For the students who have been housed in places that are not usually used for accommodation, the University have attempted to give shared rooms wherever possible.

In previous years, any rooms that are left over when admissions are finished with applications are opened for students who are having issues with the accommodation they have been given; for example, if they are having issues with their housemates, or if they applied for particular accommodation and were then placed somewhere else. For 2013/14, this will not be done due in order to at least in part deal with the problem of students who are sharing rooms with others.

In some cases, University space which is not typically used for accommodation has been turned into living space, such as offices around campus and the Department for Health located in Eastwood. A few commercial buildings have also become accommodation for first years, such as the ‘Beds @ Bath’ building which is located two miles from the city centre and is usually used for the purpose of housing groups who are visiting Bath. ‘The Lodge’, which is also located on campus and was the previous Vice-Chancellor’s house, has also become first year accommodation.

Even these measures, however, were found insufficient for housing the extra applicants. A further measure taken out by accommo-

The new accommodation on campus would be a future solution to an oversubscription problem wouldn’t typically be interacting dation services was to organise a ter the house hunting weekend.

It is thought that around 120 with students and as such dealing house hunting weekend in Bath, offering food and a place to stay students attended the house hunt- with extra costs that other stufor all attending students. The ing weekend, and that all of those dents looking for houses did not University contacted three letting who attended found somewhere have to pay. For example, some agencies and eleven landlords to live for the year. However, the landlords insisted that a holding around Bath, asking them to take search for private accommodation fee be placed for two days.

Other issues faced by students their houses off the market and resulted in some other problems promising to underwrite them for those who attended, such as in private accommodation include should the houses not be filled af- having to deal with landlords who things like dealing with buses due

to living in inconvenient areas, and feeling a lack of connection to the campus itself. During Freshers’ Week, one first year in private accommodation mentioned that they didn’t have a wristband at all.

This is despite efforts by the University to include students not living in University accommodation as much as possible, such as giving the students in private accommodation their own Freshers’ Week crew and captain, and giving them access to the Carpenter House social space. First years living in private accommodation were also given the ‘bedroom bags’ that all other first years received, and any students living in inconvenient areas have either been given a bus pass, or been reimbursed for one they may have already bought.

One first year living in private accommodation commented that being informed of the fact that they didn’t have accommodation just two weeks before coming to Bath was ‘an absolute nightmare’, but that they decided to attend Bath in the first place because it was a good place to continue their chosen sport. When asked whether the issues with accommodation have changed their view of the university, they commented that they didn’t feel they were getting the whole university life experience, but also that they were happy within their house and with their housemates. They also finally commented that their appreciation of Freshers’ Week had not been affected in any vast way.

Academic Rep Creative learning with Lego election time Elliott Campbell Media Officer

As you may or may not have already noticed, the first wave of this year’s elections have begun to take place.

If you’re new to the whole University of Bath thing and you’re sat there wondering if this has any effect on you; it does.

The democratic process is something that’s integral to Bath SU; practically every area holds some sort of election throughout the year using the alternative voting system, which lets you rank candidates in order of preference rather than voting for just one. Ballots are initially distributed based on each elector's first preference. If a candidate secures more than half of votes cast, that candidate wins. Otherwise, the candidate with the fewest votes is eliminated. Ballots assigned to the eliminated candidate are recounted and assigned to those of the remaining candidates who rank next in order of preference on each bal-

lot. This process continues until one candidate wins by obtaining more than half the votes.

Whilst many students demonstrate an incredible apathy to the elections process, the truth is they’re your best chance to have an effect on your University experience. The voting effects everything from how good Team BEST’s socials are to who represent your views to your department to who is in charge of your SU, it’s no good turning around later in the year complaining about who's representing you if you didn’t vote. If you’re not happy with any of the candidates then that still isn’t an excuse to not vote; R.O.N. (reopen nominations) is an option on all ballots, and if it receives more than half of the total votes, nominations will open again. This is in order to allow new candidates to stand and a new ballot is held.

Right now Academic Rep voting is open until noon on 11th October, so unless you’re not affected by course related issues (here’s a tip if you’re a student at Bath; you are) go and vote, use your voice and help make a difference.

A secondary school in Bath is being used as a pilot study for creativity in learning. Haylesfield School, along with almost one hundred other schools across the UK, have been chosen by the Lego Education study in order to try out newer and potentially more involving ways of getting secondary school pupils to engage with their schooling. It is hoped that the new approaches to teaching will aid pupils in developing problem solving skills, among other things.

The focus of the new teaching methods is on ‘hands-on’ activities, especially in the fields of science, technology, engineering and maths, as a result of one of the major findings of the study being that many teachers were simply focusing on getting their pupils to pass exams instead of giving them knowledge they would be able to apply to other situations. It was found that having a more varied approach to learning helped classroom concentration, and was better preparation for students entering the workplace.

According to the Lego Education study, some of the other key findings were that the tradi-

Rwendland

Marina Jones bathimpact Contributor

Haylesfield is one of a hundred included in the current study tional ‘teaching to the test’ way of secondary school stifles some pupils’ creativity, and is vital for the encouragement of non-arts subjects.

The study was also accompanied by five ‘key recommendations’, including points like

teachers being given support to enable them to facilitate more open approaches to their own pupils’ learning, having these approaches become part of their everyday school experience, and that creativity should not be restricted to arts subjects.

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Miliband demands formal apology A

row has erupted between Ed Miliband and the Daily Mail following the publishing of an article titled “The Man Who Hated Britain”. The article, released on 29th September, suggested that the Labour leader’s late father, Ralph Miliband, hated the UK. In the wake of the article Ed Miliband has claimed that this equates to the “character assassination” of his father.

As a consequence, the Mail gave Miliband a right to reply, in which he stated that his father had “loved” the UK, especially as he had served in the Royal Navy during the Second World War. Alongside Miliband’s reply to the accusations, however, the Mail reprinted the original article, while also claiming that Ralph Miliband has left an “evil legacy”.

The Mail’s article has been criticised from all corners, not just those sympathetic to Ed Miliband or the Labour Party.

Prime Minister David Cameron, when asked about the article stated that although he had not read the article, that "if anyone had a go at my father I would want to respond vigorously" so he totally "understand what Ed's done".

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, agreeing with this sentiment, said that “politics should

be about playing the ball, not the man, certainly not the man's family.”

Former New Labour spin doctor Alistair Campbell was scathing in his attack of the Daily Mail

over the article. In an interview with the Mail’s Deputy Editor, he claimed that the Daily Mail was in fact “the worst of British values posing as the best”. It was also in this interview that Deputy Editor

Jon Steafel said it was an “error of judgment” to publish a picture of Ralph Miliband’s gravestone online which included a caption calling him a “grave socialist” Following the most recent escaEdMiliband

Tomos Evans Deputy Editor-in-Chief

Miliband’s call for an apology has raised tensions over any possible statutory regulation of the press

lations in the furore, Ed Miliband and the Labour Party are seeking an apology from the Mail. The Daily Mail, however, claim that the fallout from this article confirms “that you cannot allow politicians anywhere near regulating the press.”

As the story has rumbled on, some have claimed that the whole saga is more to do with press regulation than anything else, and that this is the line that the Mail are toeing. The Guardian has come out saying that it shares the concerns of the Mail over any potential moves to statutory press regulation, but that “highly personalised attacks on those involved in searching for the right solution, far less their dead relatives, will win over no friends to the press's side of the argument quite the opposite.”

Writing in the Telegraph, however, Dan Hodges claims that if Ed Miliband wanted his father to be off limits to the media, then he should not have made him as much a focus of so many speeches.

An interesting point which has been picked up by many commentators is the Mail’s own “potentially treacherous” past stance on issues such as Hitler and fascism.

It is yet to be seen what damage the incident will have on either the Daily Mail, or the Labour leadership.

Liv Hows bathimpact Contributor he last few weeks in British politics has been dominated by the party conference season. It is a time when the struggles and battles of will that go on in Parliament and Whitehall are moved to conference venues all over the UK. It proves not just a chance to back the competition or even those you are in coalition with, but also a time to make those key announcements about your intentions going forward.

For universities, this signals a crucial time as to what the government are proposing to do with things such as funding, what fees they can charge or how many students they are allowed to admit.

At a time like this especially, only two years away from a general election, what every party has to say is of particular importance.

The potential future of further education for the five years after 2015 is being dictated and shaped, and now is a time for universities to gather round and see what politicians have to say, as well as what can be done to best advantage them.

Last week David Willetts, the current Minister for Universities and Science, spoke of how he intends to invest £200 million into "new teaching facilities for science and engineering in our universities", with the requirement that

Michael D Beckwith

Conference quiet on universities

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universities would match the levels of investment by government. He said the Conservatives will look to extend fee loans for those who are looking to go into these fields, applying even to those who already have a degree in another field.

A key area of focus was the number of women in the engineering sector. He stated that the UK has one of the lowest numbers of female engineers in Europe, and although he did not make any direct announcements on what would be done to overcome this, he said that the Conservatives support the "ambition to double the proportion of engineering degrees taken by women".

The Conservative message on universities and further education may not have been particularly extensive, but those in the Opposition had even less to say on the subject.

The message from Labour was simply that work must be done to increase levels of vocational skills.

The clearest messages from Labour did not come from the Conference hall, but instead from the fringes; Labour MP John Cridland stated that "we'll end up with fewer universities", saying that there is too much stress and strain on the university system. However, he also took time to drive home the idea that students must leave FE with more opportunities in business.

The Labour output on further education was not far reaching, but the overarching message was one that higher education should produce and enhance practical and applicable skills.

The Liberal Democrats' announcements on universities are perhaps the most significant. It was marked as one of the more controversial topics to be broached at Conference; few have forgotten Nick Clegg posing with a pledge card, stating that he would vote against raising tuition fees. This was shortly followed by allowing the Conservative powers that be to push through a near tripling of tuition fees, shortly after he entered Government. In

the end, what occurred was not the anticipated radical promise to change tuition fees but one to do what is most practical, with the idea being that fees would be what is the "best currently available".

They did, however, make moves to extend fee loans of £10,000 for postgraduate taught courses, defending the place of international students in British universities. Whilst attending a fringe event run by Universities UK and “Bright Britain” higher education bodies, Vince Cable also spoke of a wish to increase the number of students, in order to extend the chance of further education to those who do not currently have access to one.

Each party clearly had its own voice and agenda, and the overlap between the partisan messages and future plans would seem to be minimal. The Conservative message rarely wavered from the overall Conservative message of the "global race", and what can be done to put Britain in place to become an innovative front runner.

The Labour message was more obscure, hidden amongst wider messages of increasing apprenticeships. The Lib Dems proposed no extreme changes with a focus to education being inclusive and overall, this Conference season, the subject of higher and further education was evidently not one of top priority.

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The unknown depths of hip-hop H

ip-Hop is a worldwide phenomenon, and undoubtedly a misunderstood art form. As last year’s Google Versus/Intelligence Squared debate ‘Hip-Hop on Trial’ showed, it is a controversial topic which evokes passionate debate in every corner of society.

For many people, the idea of hip-hop instantly conjures up images of gang-violence, misogyny and rappers shouting about their overly luxurious lifestyles between crude metaphors. These issues are found in some of the uglier manifestations of hip-hop, and unfortunately these tend to be portrayed by the artists and tracks that feature most prominently in popular radio and television. Other elements get very limited airtime.

Few people who aren’t actively interested in hip-hop know, for example, that hip-hop has five elements. These are DJing (turntabling), MCing (rapping), graffiti art, breakdancing and knowledge.

These elements were codified by the most influential pioneers of hip-hop in New York during the late 1980s; the likes of Afrika Bambaata and Grandmaster Flash. As Akala (London-born rapper and founder of the Hip-hop Shakespeare company) explains in his brilliant TED talk comparing elements of hip-hop with Shakespeare, that the term ‘hip-hop’ means ‘intelligent movement’.

‘Hip’ comes from the Senegalese Wolof word ‘hipi’, meaning ‘to open one’s eyes’ (a term of enlightenment), and ‘hop’ from the Eng-

lish movement.

Admittedly, it seems unlikely that anybody would associate the hip-hop we hear on the radio with enlightenment; take the lyrics of Nicki Minaj (“You a stupid hoe” – repeat 16 times), or Lil’ Wayne (“All about my riches, my name should be Richard”). There is some good news though, because despite what you might think from MTV, hip-hop goes far, far deeper than this. From the Sugarhill Gang in the late 1970s to Jay Electronica today, rap has a diverse history of incredibly talented writers, lyri-

cists, DJs/beat makers and artists; so much so that John Sutherland – Emeritus Professor of English Literature at University College London – has predicted that by 2032, “Tupac Shakur will be ranked with Walt Whitman as a great American poet”.

Society’s misperceptions about this type of hip-hop were very obvious at the last gig I attended, at Motion in Bristol. It struck me that the police were there in far stronger numbers than at any of the previous events I had been to at that venue (Itchy Feet and Rodigan’s

Ram Jam). At neither of these gigs were sniffer dogs inspecting every bag that entered, either. It seemed unlikely to me, that those responsible for sending such a beefy police presence would have known anything about the performers, or the crowd, other than that it was a ‘hip-hop/rap event’.

The suggestion that headliner KRS-1 has spoken at over 500 universities worldwide (including Harvard, Yale and Oxford) and founded the Stop the Violence Movement, would be completely foreign. Co-headliner Immortal mcnallyterrence

Oskar Butcher bathimpact Contributor

Afrika Bambaataa is one of many hip-hop artists who are not recognised for their depth of talent

Technique is a reformed convict, who has dedicated his life to writing and rapping about topics such as social injustice, US foreign policy, institutional racism and women’s rights. He has also built an orphanage in Afghanistan from the profits of his third album. The performers and fans of this kind of music are no great risk to society – certainly no greater than those at other events I have attended at the same venue; I would even go so far as to make an educated guess that drug usage at this event was lower in both quantity and classification than at any of the previous events.

The increased police presence at ‘Rhyme and Reason’ was without a doubt a result of the stigmatisation of certain demographics of the population and a genre of music.

In London, the notorious 696 form for venues is a perfect example of a physical manifestation of this preconception.

It is upsetting that the majority of today’s commercial rap music is of such poor quality, with mass coverage of artists who focus almost solely on greed, misogyny and violence, all of which works to perpetuate bigoted stereotypes; not only for the genre but also for black communities in wider society. Overall, this is a result of hiphop now being ‘owned’ by people at large record-label corporations, who don’t care about the origins of hip-hop as a socially conscious arts movement. Fortunately, rap music does still exist in a meaningful form and as a positive movement; it is just ‘underground’ – buried under a mass of poor quality corporate waste.

Madelaine Winn bathimpact Contributor y Freshers’ Week evenings were spent with the lovely CTV (Campus Television) filming intoxicated first years frolicking, frisking and fake burping. This was not only highly amusing, but also eye-opening.

I consider myself to be overly optimistic about the human race, even though it is sometimes (indeed, often) misplaced. But this week has highlighted a common flaw which is so glaringly obvious that I cannot possibly deny it; the desire for self-promotion.

Whilst we were shuffling around the Founders’ Hall in our rather attractive luminous yellow t-shirts, video camera in hand, countless people sought us out to get their shot at appearing in one of our wonderful videos (if you haven't watched them, you should!) An incredible number of people asked or, more accurately, begged us to video them... and, if they weren't that bright, take a photo.

Freshers (and crew and captains alike) were willing to go to almost any length to get their drunken selves into an outlet of student

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media for five minutes of mediocre recognition. Whether it be twerking, doing the 'jump on it dance', spending days making a costume or revealing shit about themselves and/ or flatmates, they were willing to sacrifice a lot to get in. Mostly, this seemed to be their dignity.

The only question I can really ask is - why? I just don't get it! I'm not saying that I'm by any means immune to this weird trait, which is particularly prevalent after I've had one too many Jaegers. Even realising this, however, doesn't mean that I remotely understand it.

Is it the age of social media that makes us so obsessed with self-promotion? Take selfies for example.

Since when did it become the norm for people to, completely self-indulgently, take a picture of themselves pouting and post it all over the Internet? I don’t know when it happened, but no-one can deny that it is an accepted norm. I can't remember the last time I scrolled down my Instagram and Twitter feeds and wasn't greeted by at least one of my friends' shamless selfies.

What motivates this? I suppose people do it for likes and comments, desperate for recognition and reas-

bathimpact

Mindless self-indulgent promotion

bathimpact know a thing or two about self-promotion, don’t we?

surance. A friend of a friend who I stumbled across on Instagram admitted that if a picture doesn't get any likes within the first hour of posting it, he deletes it. This is a fairly extreme example, but it serves to illustrate that selfies are about self-promotion rather than self-expression.

It seems to me to be fairly obvious that people like being visible on social media, but the key question is whether this self-obsessed trend is caused by the growth of communications, or whether it’s something ingrained in us that suddenly has a forum to flourish.

It's hard to say. On the one hand, I can hardly imagine Picasso painting a portrait of himself and opening an exhibition for people to admire it. So, maybe we're all vain and insecure, but that wasn't the case for our predecessors. Alternatively, you could look at someone like Henry VIII, who is about as self-obsessed as they come. I think it probably has always been in us, bubbling quietly inside with little fervour, and has chosen now to emerge, aided by the growth of social networks, like lava from an erupting volcano.

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Religious The Bilingual Edge Progression T Alexandra Egan bathimpact Contributor

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from the church that used to say Protestants were heathens doomed to the same hell as murderers and the people who break the little legs off keyboards in the library. I never thought I’d ever see a Pope this progressive, and it’s really encouraging on two fronts.

The first is that it’s really encouraging for the future of gay rights. The guy in the silly hat is head of one of the most system-

In retrospect I was being a bit of a douchenozzle, forcing my beliefs on them. But that’s what I did.

It’s with rareness that I’ve encountered the all-loving, compassionate elements. Now, I’ve had dealings with CathSoc in the past - spoiler alert: as a gay atheist, they weren’t the keenest about me - and in general I try to avoid them. They keep to themselves for the most part, except when they assemble stalls trying to explain the evil of abortion and same-sex marriage and all that jazz, so it hasn’t been hard. I have however had another run in with them, and this definitely isn’t going where you think it’s going.

I was hanging around the LGBT stall, eating the delicious cake (because who’s got time for dieting at a freshers’ fair?), hanging out with committee members when I spotted the CathSoc stall opposite us. I threw them a cheery wave and got blanked by the society staring blankly at their phones, flyers and feet. However, deciding to be a bit mischievous, I decided to grab some stickers from the LBGT stall (“Some people are gay, get over it” for one) and head over and have a chat. I honestly don’t know what I thought I’d be proving by handing them the stickers and asking if they’d wear them - in retrospect I was being a bit of a douche-nozzle forcing my beliefs on them. But that’s what I did.

I’m guessing I have the Pope to thank for what came next.

Over the summer he’s been shooting his mouth off in a way that the Vatican has been desperately trying to retract (seriously, every nice thing the infallible leader of their church they’ve tried to take back) and has said that gays and, even more shockingly, atheists can get into heaven. I know. Atheists can get into heaven. This

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atically anti-gay establishments in the world and he’s said “who am I to judge [gay people]?”

Now this isn’t quite him saying it’s okay, but it’s a pretty good start. If the Catholic church can get off our backs then maybe we can make some more progress towards equality.

But, secondly, it was a step the church needed to take. In recent years it’s been too focussed on hotbutton issues like abortion and homosexuality, and this was starting to alienate Catholics who weren’t raised in the eighteenth century. I had Catholic friends who found their church’s stance on homosexuality as abominable as homosexuality to the church and were consequently quite bashful about their religion. They were getting increasingly out of touch with their congregation and the rest of the world. I realise that, as an atheist, I don’t have much say in what churches do or what The Bible is telling them to do, but I see this as getting back in touch with the teachings of Jesus.

The teachings of acceptance, of loving everyone unashamedly, and generally not being a dick, which are all things I can get behind. So the nice members of CathSoc took my “Some people are gay, get over it” sticker. But they gave me back the sticker of a family with two dads because apparently that was ‘a bit too soon.’ Baby steps...

If you have been affected by any of the issues discussed in this article, please contact the LGBT society (http://people. bath.ac.uk/su4lgbs/) or CathSoc (http://www.bathstudent. com/socs/societies/CathSocCatholic/) for more information.

Furthermore, the University of Pompeu Fabra in Spain discovered that the multilingual are better at observing their surroundings, extracting relevant information and dismissing misleading data. This allows them to approve and eliminate more rationally and avoid any miscomprehension.

Is it any wonder then that both Hercule Poirot and Sherlock Holmes are sharp polyglots?

In terms of multitasking, multilingual people also have the upper hand. A study was carried out

by Pennsylvania State University, which used a driving stimulator to test its participants’ driving whilst performing various tasks at the same time designed to distract them. The outcome was that people who spoke more than one language made fewer errors whilst driving than those who spoke only one. This could also mean that people who speak more than one language are better drivers than those who do not – that is yet to be meticulously tested, however.

Finally, speaking multiple languages is actually good for your health. A range of experiments has been conducted to find out if speaking multiple languages helps to stave off Alzheimer’s and dementia. To illustrate, one study found that for monolingual adults, the mean age for the first symptoms of dementia is 71.4, whereas for adults who spoke two or more languages it is 75.5.

All the surveys take into account physical health, history, education level, gender, income level, etcetera but the consensus was that multilingualism helps prolong the time period before symptoms of dementia and Alzheimer’s start.

So for everyone those of you who believe that learning a language is unnecessary, pointless and non-beneficial, I challenge you to learn 1, 000 words in Spanish and see what a difference it makes. Who knows, you might even improve your English too.

danxoneil

Nicholas West bathimpact Contributor eligion and I rarely get on. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a hardline atheist who thinks anybody who’s ever read a bible ought to be rounded up and shot, it’s just that being involved with the equal marriage debate has left me to bear the brunt of one of the less well-liked sides of religion.

he United Kingdom has an outstanding reputation when it comes to many things: history, science, sport, Will & Kate…but it is a well-known fact that the majority of Brits are particularly unenthusiastic when it comes to languages.

Speak to the Future, a new campaign backed by organisations including the British Council, the Criminal Investigation Bureau, the British Academy and various embassies and teaching bodies, hopes to confront this stereotype.

The idea is to promote the learning of 1, 000 words in a foreign language to level the playing field in international trade. It is believed that with 1, 000 words of another language, you are able to hold a basic conversation. “Speaking another language is crucial to understanding another culture,” states Vicky Gough of the British Council, “so let’s overturn our poor record in language learning and show that we are ready to engage with a multilingual world.”

Nowadays the importance of languages is on the up. The ongoing international openness and overseas negotiation means that more and more people are travelling abroad and working in multinational companies and businesses. Along with English; Mandarin, Arabic, Russian, French, Spanish and German are within the top ten most useful languages to learn with increasing international trade and investment.

Yes, it is true that English is the most widely spoken language in the world and for now is the principal language adopted in business. You could get through life quite easily with only speaking English and would not have to bother learning another language.

But making no effort at all when you are in a foreign country is just plain rude.

There are many benefits to bilingualism, trilingualism or multilingualism, depending on which category you prefer. These are not

only in the international job market. Anne Merritt, a journalist for The Telegraph based in South Korea, outlines a few: Firstly, she declares, learning another language makes you more intelligent. Your brain is like a muscle, and exercising it improves functionality and increases the muscle’s capacity to perform. This significantly improves your memory and challenges your brain to recognise, negotiate meaning and communicate within various language systems. Multilingual people were found more apt in problem solving and scored better overall in standardised tests within subject areas such as mathematics, reading and vocabulary. Studies have also shown that the multilingual demonstrate a larger capacity to retain memories and remember lists, names and directions.

Through meticulous study of grammar and vocabulary of another language, you actually improve your native language as well. Focusing on the mechanics and structure of a new language, such as syntax and conjugations, makes you more aware of not only that language but also your mother tongue. Your listening skills also develop substantially as linguists are taught to identify definition from discreet and subtle differences in sounds. This can all in turn make you a more skilful writer and editor, able to spot mistakes and rephrase sentences.

Secondly, learning another language makes you more decisive, perceptive and better at multitasking. A study by the University of Chicago revealed that overall, bilinguals make more rational decisions than their monolingual peers. Every language embodies differences in meaning, such as nuance and differing subtle evocations in vocabulary. This nuance and varied implication can subconsciously influence your judgement, allowing multilingual people to consider, analyse and confirm decisions from different angles and perceptions.

The Brits are proud monoglots but learning another language has more benefits than you may think

Monday 7th October 2013

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Do not make for thyself an idol I

the possibility of assassination, but the grotesque spectacle nevertheless served its purpose; to help Chávez expropriate the legend of Bolívar, idolised by many Venezuelans, and use it to repaint himself as the hero returned.

One might even look to Russia, where Vladimir Putin has just completed his fourteenth year in one of the country’s two most powerful political posts. His unrivalled electoral success, if not the result of outright cheating, is without doubt due to his persona as the man who has made Russia great again. In the pageant of politics, Putin plays the character of the ‘Strong Man’ whose strength and power his people can unite behind, in the tradition of Franco, Mussolini and many other dictators in Latin America.

Nevertheless, it is not just abroad where we should look for the dangers of idolatry, but at home as well. The President of the United States also commands ‘Strong Man’ status and thus the respect of the American people, although this is more due to the historic significance of the office for America rather than the personalities of its successive, conveniently male holders. A similar occurrence can be observed in France, although to a lesser extent.

But what about in Britain? Sure enough, although our elected leaders have by and large grown stale, we still

Simón Bolívar’s legacy has been hijacked to create a national legend for Venezuela to believe in cling to the pageantry of the royal fam- world, throws up a whole new collec- idolatry are positive, such as the drive ily and its offshoots. Our idolisation of tion of idols to adore. for Latin American independence the House of Windsor keeps us insenThe danger of idolatry, which has led by the original Simón Bolívar, sitive to the idea that the descendants been discussed so much thus far, is one would hope that rational, rightof a line of German warlords may not that it leads society to accept ideas on minded people would see the good make the best heads of state. Why faith in the person espousing them, in such causes anyway. The net result would we want to trade our Queen for rather than on the merit of the ideas of a culture where we unite behind a president? Who would prefer sena- themselves. Acceptance without people, rather than ideas, can only be tors to Lords and Barons? Leaving questioning has been at the root of negative. politics aside, the pageant of celebrity most man-made disasters over the Pius, then, was correct: Do not culture and the mass media, not just course of the past hundred years. make for thyself an idol. It’s a shame in Britain but all over the Westernised Even in rare cases where the results of that he forgot about one.

spiritual groups and Roman Catholicism, and the event is the Fiesta del Fuego, an annual festival carried out in Santiago de Cuba to celebrate Caribbean and Latin American culture.

This particular exhibition of AfroCaribbean culture would soon be joined by Mexican mariachi bands, Brazilian salsa groups and, naturally, a dozen different dance, music and spiritual groups from across the extraordinarily diverse island of Cuba.

This display of celebration belies the well-known mantra within the country: ‘el cubano no vive, el cubano sobrevive’. The Cuban doesn’t live, the Cuban simply survives. In fact, all across Cuba – festival or no festival – the idea that they do not live seems far-removed from reality. From the rum-sipping youths on Havana’s malecón to the Cienfuegos bars releasing melodic trova ballads into the air,

the country appears entrenched in a constant mood of festivity.

The Revolution is in its 54th year, a fact of which Cubans are reminded every day through regular TV announcements and billboards smothered with propaganda. It was a revolution which saw hundreds of thousands flee to America, the establishment of Marxist-Leninist regime and the relinquishment of property; a policy which the state has only recently begun to retreat on.

The outcome of this has been a state synonymous with hand-outs, authoritarianism and dependence.

The revolution did come with some highly publicised success stories which continue today. Cuba is second only to Argentina in Latin American literacy rates, and the state maintains 10% of spending on education. In 2006, a Newsnight special

Hannes Grobe andriesss

Tom Ash bathimpact Features Editor n 1931 Pope Pius XI issued an encyclical, in which he voiced criticism of the idolatry of nationalism and what he termed ‘the pagan worship of the state’. He argued that the indoctrination of the young in Mussolini’s Fascist Italy was a dangerous move which monopolised their education for the benefit of a single party and its ideology.

Non-believers will no doubt appreciate the irony of Pius’ argument against idolatry, but he does raise a valid point. Idolatry (the blind adoration, reverence or devotion to a person or idea) is as present a danger today as it was during the 1930s, albeit in slightly different ways. There are several great state religions in the world today that most people could name; North Korea is the country on everyone’s lips, with its governmentbacked worship of the Kim dynasty, but one might also give consideration to Iran’s succession of Ayatollahs who, as the ultimate authority within the country, have been elevated to idol-hood as well.

The more discerning might point to Venezuela, where Hugo Chávez’s obsession with Latin American hero Simón Bolívar culminated in him ordering the latter’s exhumation in order to investigate theories that he had been poisoned. Needless to say, forensics experts drew a blank on

Ben Butcher bathimpact Contributor

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utside the colonial town hall, with its peeling white paint and general decay, something very peculiar is happening. It is a characteristically roasting hot day and two black men dressed completely in white are carrying what appears to be a smoking human head on a red velvet plate. One of the men is wearing a tall, busby-style hat which, a fellow bystander reliably informs me, is made entirely of human hair. Before long, the head-shaped object is placed on the floor and a soft but quick and rhythmic drum beat begins. Further groups of white-clad men and women join in and, as the beat increases in volume, they move faster and more vigorously.

The men are from the Santería religion, a merge between West African

Ben Butcher

The curiosities of Cuban culture report concluded that the country’s renowned healthcare system – which produces similar health statistics to its great antagonist, the United States – is one of the few reasons the Castro regime continues to be on top.

But these successes are beginning to wane as a wider picture of Cuban society emerges. It is one of a state which is complacent and not bothered by the finer details, typified by the attitude of ‘you may not have textbooks, but at least you’re at school’.

More worrying for the regime are the views of the young in Cuba. Experiencing the wonders - and inequalities - created by Raul Castro’s ‘mini-capitalism’, they are increasingly disenchanted with the revolution.

Jesús, a young, underemployed taxi driver from Santiago de Cuba, is anxious at first but, after a couple of minutes, begins to reel out tales of gross incompetency from the regime.

When I tell him that Cuba has a remarkable reputation in healthcare he reminds me that doctors are paid around 20 Cuban Convertible Pesos (CUC) – about £15 – a month and that no matter how many doctors they have, no matter how professional their prognosis, it appears that they only ever have one medication to prescribe. He throws me a packet of brown pills before sticking up his middle finger and saying ‘fuck the politics’. He smiles: “Five years ago I would’ve gone to jail for saying that.”

Cuba is still officially a socialist state, but the growing inequalities are only too clear to see. One of Havana’s exclusive nightclubs charges

10CUC entry (half a doctors salary) and is filled with the sunglass-wearing, middle-class youth. These are the lucky few in Cuba; the children of the military, the musicians and the entrepreneurs manipulating Cuba’s new opportunities. Cuba has, incredibly, become a country where a busker can earn more than a teacher or a doctor.

For the rest of Cuba, dependence remains. It is, however, an increasingly unsustainable dependence which is hindering any productive development in the country. State subsidies continue, but food still costs too much. Aid for the most vulnerable is still handed out, but it is increasingly less. We heard one story of a man, whose house was destroyed

by Hurricane Sandy, who was given 500g of screws to build a new one, but little else. Socialist rhetoric is still rife, but Cuba’s Gini coefficient rose from 0.21 in the late 1980’s to 0.42 a decade later.

Cuba’s young did not live through the indignities of the pre-Revolution era. For many years Cubans have lived in the belief that although things might not be perfect, they are certainly better than they were. Now the youth want change from what they have always known. The system is imperfect and the vibrant spirit which has always sustained Cuba is no longer enough. They want the shoes, the car and the lifestyle to go with it. With small increases in economic mobility emerging, Cubans no longer want to survive; they want to live.

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Simon Rushton Editor-in-Chief ortunately, we have now reached the time of year that is the post-party conference wash-up. The political parties have finally gone away after announcing their far-fetched plans to win hearts, minds and far more importantly votes for the next general election. This year’s conferences have created

Starting with the minor parties: This parliamentary term has seen the popularity of the Liberal Democrats fall off a metaphorical cliff. Whether their popularity will recover by 2015 is yet to be seen, but their conference was certainly about making themselves all feel better; mainly by trying to iron over all the cracks that are forming between the left and the right of the party. A progressive tax policy on mansion taxes has emerged from the conference but that is all we have seen.

The much over-publicised rise of UKIP has, somewhat regrettably, forced a huge lurch to the right by the Conservative party.

This has, however, not been sufficient and the door is still open for UKIP. These “loonies and closet racists” (not bathimpact’s words but those of the Rt Hon. David Cameron MP) have also taken advantage of complete voter apathy.

This lurch to the right has been coupled with the incompetent leadership of the Conservative party and victimisation in the right wing press of Ed Miliband and his progressive views. This has led to Nigel Farage - the privately educated former stockbroker, who somehow pretends to be a man of the people - almost being considered as a potential Godfrey Bloom’s colourful language has lost him the party whip prime minister. This however is Euro Realist Newsletter

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an atmosphere unlike any seen in British politics before now, for two main reasons: Firstly, campaigning has clearly started in earnest; because of the Fixed-term Parliament Act, we all know that the next election will be in 2015. Secondly we have now moved into a system when we have two major parties and two minor ones competing for all the headlines.

unlikely due to the nature of the first-past-the-post voting system, which makes it highly improbable that there will even be a UKIP representative in Parliament.

Furthermore, UKIP’s conference has shown that they are not a party fit for government due to a multitude of gaffs. Firstly the lack of diversity – that is to say, none on the conference’s program was widely publicised and criticised

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The rise of UKIP has forced a huge lurch to the right by the Conservative Party

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within the press; thus there is no need for this to be re-iterated in detail. The second major gaff was ‘slutgate’: Godfrey Bloom, a now former Party MEP, described women not cleaning behind their fridges as sluts. As if this gaff wasn’t enough, he has also questioned why Britain is sending aid to “bongo-bongo land”.

Now we turn our attention to the main two party conferences (in chronological order). The fall-out from Labour’s party conference was that there were few things of note that happened. Ed Balls, however, did promise that his budget proposal would be audited

andriesss

Mansions, bills and dirty fridges by the Office for Budget Responsibility, a fairly sensible move.

This, however, was decried as a stunt by The Conservatives, maybe as a result of their lack of direction with the economy. A true piece of election-mongering was the lack-lustre promise to freeze energy bills, a token effort in reducing the grip that private companies have on the taxpayer.

Finally, the Conservative’s conference has been completely overshadowed in the press; the extensive coverage of Ed Miliband’s criticism of the Daily Mail’s article on his father and, from further afield, the shutdown of the USA and Silvo Belersconi’s withdrawal of support for the Italian government and subsequent U-turn, have redirected nearly all attention from all the policies that the Tories have unveiled. Hecklers during Philip Hammond’s speech and a large scale NHS protest that was somewhat swept under the carpet have likewise stolen what was left of the dimming limelight.

The results of voter apathy and this lacklustre media coverage will come out in the wash, but will make the continued campaigning for the next election very difficult for all concerned.

All the Labour party want to do is give free money to benefits scroungers

Michael Szweda bathimpact Contributor

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hese three quotes seem to be the world according to the Conservative party conference, where the party’s leadership have abandoned the over-occupied centre ground and made several promises to their members.

One such notable pledge comes from Home Secretary Theresa May. She has said that if the Tories won the next election she would pre-emptively deport foreign criminals before hearing their appeals, reduce appeal rights for foreign criminals from 17 to 4 and scrap the Human Rights act.

The Human Rights Act contains conventions on torture, fair trial, privacy, expression, discrimination, liberty and much more. I and, I assume, many others are happy that there is legislation to ensure that we are well protected, however Theresa May seems to disagree. She considers it to be clunky legislation that only makes it harder for the gov-

Whilst the LibDem contribution is appreciated, life in government would be significantly better without them ernment to get rid of dangerous foreign criminals.

Meanwhile, George Osborne’s pledges show that he is not a man lacking in self-confidence.

Despite a flat-lining economy, the budget deficit increasing and possibly being the only person to be booed by an entire Olympic stadium, he has announced his plans to have the economy running at a surplus.

He thinks that if he is re-elected the government will bring in more money via tax than it will spend; a feat that has not been achieved since 2001, and has only happened in seven of the last fifty years. Osborne acknowledges the nature of the task; in his own words, “the battle to turn Britain over is not even close to being over”. He has also signalled how he would fight this battle, not through cracking down on the £100 billion lost through tax avoidance, but by further cuts to the welfare budget.

London Mayor Boris Johnson has tried to keep a bit of a lower profile this year, after stealing the

UKIP are definitely not a threat

limelight from the Prime Minister during last year’s conference.

He did stray from the party line a few times and bemoaned the Chancellor’s stamp duty, saying it was “stamping on the fingers” of people trying to get a hand up the property ladder. Arguably the highlights of his speech were the few carefully constructed trademarks gaffes and meticulously planned gags, contrasted with David Cameron’s attempts to appear amused.

The Prime Minister’s speech was predictable, to the point that it can be reduced to a series of numbers; whilst Cameron did not beat Nick Clegg’s record of saying ‘no’ more than 15 times in a minute, he did include ‘Labour’ 25 times, ‘finish(ing) the job’ 15 times and ‘the land of opportunity” 13 times.

Cameron also tried to channel his ‘inner Boris’ and elicited polite chuckles from the crowd with jokes such as “Red Ed and Blue Peter economy”. Despite Cameron talking about hope and opportunity throughout his speech,

BackBoris2012

Tall tales at the Tory conference

Could London Mayor, Boris Johnson be our future Prime Minister?

New Statesman columnist Owen however, are not the ones who Jones was far from impressed, these speeches are aimed at; they tweeting “Land of hope is Tory, are a rallying call for the party’s says Cameron. Odd way to de- members and activists to go out scribe stirring up resentment into their communities and imagainst unemployed, public sec- plore the country to vote Contor workers and immigrants.” servative and live in the ‘land of Left-wing writers like Jones, opportunity’.

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Economics of... Breaking Bad

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen the ending, read at your peril almost triple for a slice of Walter White’s ~90 per cent ‘pure’ blue crystals. This is why the former dogooder gets so easily dragged into the criminal underworld; why earn the salary of a Pollo Hermanos frycook when you can earn millions?

Last week I spoke of the cost/ benefit analysis we subconsciously make when making personal decisions, something that Mr White clearly calculated when he started ‘cooking’ in the desert. As his crimes grew in size, he must have justified to himself that a small bit of blood on his hands was worth the economic security of his family. As the lies became more entrenched, he must have thought that the cost of keeping his friends and family in the dark was a secure enough idea, as long as they were safe from the impact of his growing empire. Well, how have the mighty fallen. One thing he clearly didn’t take into account was his ‘moral deficit’. We hear a lot about the deficit these days; New Mexico, Walter’s home state, currently has a deficit of $450 million meaning that the state government spends that much more than it produces in revenues. We can apply this atypical term to humans as well; how much bad has one done in relation to the good they produce. Heisenburg has killed around 20 people since the series first aired in 2006, and can be held accountable for the 167 killed in flight 515. He has

lied, cheated and manipulated. He has run an illegal empire which, no doubt, has seen the death of many addicts across the world. He really has broken bad. It is clear, especially in the hauntingly depressing final episodes, that his actions have produced little good: a broken family, a widowed sisterin-law and an old associate locked up by a gang of neo-Nazis. Perhaps the final episode will seem him pay off this deficit? Or perhaps we will only see it grow as he recklessly seeks revenge on those who have betrayed him.

What is more interesting is exploring whether the show’s secondary characters have balanced

their ‘moral’ budgets. Is Skylar, Walter’s estranged wife, any less culpable for supporting her husband, encouraging him to murder Jesse and – at one point – committing financial fraud? Does Marie, his widowed sister-in-law, carry a moral surplus despite her petty kleptomania? In a show which focuses on the evils of an illegal trade, we are left with few heroes. Only Hank Schrader, Marie’s deceased other half and former DEA agent, sticks to the morals supplied to him by the Great State of New Mexico, but we can’t help but feel like his rough, crude mentality towards criminals is a paradox compared to the softly-spoken

Walter White.

Just as in budgets, moral deficits have consequences. They result in a decrease in trust (or decrease in market confidence), they cause instability and are difficult to pay-off. As we try our hardest to make something of ourselves, do we think about the moral deficits we create and do we ever calculate the effect this will have? As Walt rides back into town he will have a hard-time paying off four seasons of moral corruption in a forty-eight minute episode. Creating deficits is easy, Walter has learnt, but fixing them is tough. Now excuse me, I’ve got a batch to cook.

Bitch.

Radspunk

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nd so, after months in the wilderness of New Hampshire, isolated from the havoc he has created, a defeated Walter White will return home to Albuquerque. As I write, I have no idea how it will come to an end, shaking like a meth addict anticipating his final, decisive fix. Breaking Bad has become that: an addiction.

The story of a cancer-riddled chemistry teacher who turns to a hidden life of crime aided by the amiable meth-head Jesse ends tonight, but what can we take from this? What can we learn, as economists, about the life ‘Heisenburg’ has found himself unwittingly entwined with? The methamphetamine industry is a typical case study in the story of supply and demand, hindered little by its illegality. So strong is the demand that, in 2010 alone, 6,768 makeshift labs were discovered by American authorities, catering for around 26 million meth addicts around the world (United Nations, 2009).

Due to its artificial nature, traffickers love the drug; its ability to be made in any place, such as the back of a banged-up RV, means that ‘labs’ can be set up easily in America and its addictiveness means people are willing to pay almost $100 for a gram, despite purity reaching its lowest level in years of around 25 per cent. Budding entrepreneurs will receive

The emerging economy crisis

The BRIC economies’ dominance is still far from being assured with a strong presence in the domestic American economy.

This abrupt reversal in sentiment began in May this year, thanks to the revival of the American economy, and the expectations that the US Federal Reserve would put an end to its quantitative easing and tighten its monetary policy, which caused money

Darius N

P

erhaps the most important story of the 21st century has been that of the emerging economies; these slumbering giants, who are home to a majority of the world’s population, awoke to serious capital ambition in the recent past, growing at accelerated rates, reducing poverty sharply and spawning a middleclass that displayed a voracious appetite for consumerism.

During the past few years, while the United States, the UK and the European nations recuperated from the demoralizing blows that the 2008 financial crisis had dealt them, the anthem of the emerging economies rose to a fever pitch, with the BRIC (Brazil, Russia, India and China) countries being anointed the new economic superstars, who would eclipse all the other major economies in the forthcoming years.

Yet in 2013, a decade after the first BRIC report predicting the impending economic supremacy of the four emergent nations was released by Goldman Sachs’ Jim O’Neill, the outlook for these economies is decidedly less sanguine. “If I were to change it,

I would just leave the ‘C,’ (for China)” quipped Mr O’Neill last month. “But then, I don’t think it would be much of an acronym.”

Echoing this sentiment, Goldman Sachs, which until recently was a most vocal proponent of investing in the BRIC nations, is now more buoyant about the economic prospects offered by firms

Government ZA

Vishala Ramswami bathimpact Contributor

BRIC countries have become key players in the world economy.

to migrate from the developing world to the United States.

Yet the slowdown of the emerging economies has in many ways been inevitable, regardless of the machinations of the Fed: consider the shift to a more sustainable model of economic growth in China, the capricious unpredictability of the Brazilian economy, and the stubbornly low level of private investment in the country, or the swiftly rising inflation and woefully inadequate industrial infrastructure in India.

Perhaps the most influential of these factors is China’s changing economic focus, where the government is no longer chasing double digit growth rates, and is instead aiming for a structural shift in the economy towards reduced dependence on exports and foreign investment, with an annual growth rate of (a still respectable) 7.5 per cent. This economic deceleration of Asia’s principal powerhouse has, in turn, had a slackening effect on the other developing Asian economies, which make up a substantial proportion of the emerging markets.

Meanwhile, both India and Brazil have been included in Morgan Stanley’s list of the ‘Fragile

Five’ emerging economies (also consisting of South Africa, Turkey and Indonesia), so named for their worryingly high current account deficits and rapidly depreciating currencies.

Yet despite the faltering growth rates across the emerging economics, predictions of a full-fledged emerging markets crisis might be unnecessarily pessimistic. The emerging markets of today are considerably stronger than their twentieth century selves, with markedly less sovereign debt than before, and most of it in local currency. In addition, Fidelity’s Nick Price (who controls the $2.9 Billion Fidelity emerging markets’ fund) points out that the depreciating value of currencies in the emerging world will have the effect of making their exports more competitive and serve to correct the troubling trade deficits.

The bottom line is that the emerging market success story has dimmed quite considerably in the past few months, but there isn’t yet enough evidence for fullfledged panic or worries of countries defaulting, given how much more contained and resilient today’s emerging world is.

Monday 7th October 2013

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Science

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RevolverOcelot

Hazel Roberts bathimpact Contributor

W

e all have a strong illusion of being in control of our everyday actions, but most of what we see and do goes completely under the radar. After all, do you really put much thought into lifting that cup of coffee to your lips?

Can you recall the faces of everyone that you passed on the Parade this morning? Even something as seemingly complex as driving a car can become entirely automated, and the road in front of you is only thrown sharply into focus when the car in front suddenly applies the brakes.

“

Neuroscientists no longer believe that the subconscious mind is a mindless robot

”

Your subconscious mind is very important for automating your daily routines, and this frees up space in the conscious mind for problemsolving and creative thinking. However, neuroscientists no longer believe that the subconscious mind is a mindless robot or zombie under instruction from the conscious mind.

In fact, this ‘robot’ runs your life, and may be more sophisticated than you

Rapid eye movement (REM) is the phase of sleep from which we can remember our dreams. think.

In 1987, a 23-year old Canadian man called Kenneth James Parks appeared in a police station with deep lacerations in his hands, and confessed to murdering his mother-inlaw. However, he was later acquitted by a jury. Astonishingly the entire murder, including a 23km drive to

his in-laws’ house, occurred whilst he was asleep and was completely orchestrated by his subconscious mind. Although initially sceptical, sleep scientists were able to prove by measuring the electrical activity in his brain with electroencephalograms (EEGs) that the man had extremely unusual and dangerous

sleep patterns.

The sleeping brain cycles between light, ‘rapid eye movement’ (REM) sleep, which is when we dream, and deeper, non-dreaming sleep. Normally, waking is always preceded

by REM sleep. However EEGs of Mr Parks’ brain showed that it attempted to wake up straight from

andriesss

Ever wondered who you really are? deep sleep several times per night and would become ‘stuck’, causing him to sleepwalk. But why did his subconscious mind decide to attack his mother-in-law, with whom he had a close relationship? We cannot be sure of the trigger, but Mr Parks had been experiencing financial and marital problems and was stressed, depressed and sleep-deprived when he went to bed that night.

Clearly most of us will not experience similar sleep problems, but many students regularly consume sufficient alcohol to effectively disable parts of the conscious mind, causing inexplicable acts of drunken aggression. Scientifically speaking, alcohol disrupts signals from the prefrontal cortex, which normally makes us conform to social conventions.

That being said, however, your subconscious brain is not a demon that needs to be suppressed. According to the neuroscientist David Eagleman, our ‘conscious mind’ may be responsible for logic and calculation, but it is useless at making decisions. Without the desires and intuitions of the subconscious mind, you would be quite literally paralysed with indecision. You will never fully understand the inner reaches of your brain, but they guide your life and make you unique.

New UN climate report published Alberto Lapedriza explains the latest study into global warming. than any during the previous two millennia. Water levels are expected to rise more quickly, the document forecasts; by between 26 cm and 82 cm by the end of the current century, depending on the eventual level of greenhouse emissions.

The atmospheric concentrations of greenhouse gases (CO2, methane and nitrous oxide) have increased to levels unprecedented in the last 800,000 years (according to measurements in ice cores).

CO2 concentrations have increased by 40 per cent since preindustrial times, primarily due to fossil fuel emissions. The oceans have absorbed about 30 per cent of the emitted CO2, causing ocean acidification. The report identified the increase in atmospheric concentration of CO2 over the last 300 years as the main contributor to climate change.

“

The oceans have absorbed about 30 per cent of the emitted CO­2, causing ocean acidification

”

The report addresses some of the claims of climate change sceptics such as the pause, or slowdown, in global temperature rise since 1998. The authors conclude

that 15 years is still not a long enough timescale to draw conclusions about the pause. One of the possible causes of this slow-down might be the absorption of heat by the upper layer of the oceans, but more research is required to understand this occurrence. The report also analyses the Medieval Warm Period from 950-1250 AD and shows that this extended warming effect did not occur as consistently across seasons and regions as the current period of warming has done.

The study concludes that it is extremely likely (with more than 95 per cent confidence) that human influence has been the dominant cause of the observed global warming since the mid-20th century. Projections for the next few decades show that continued emissions of greenhouse gases will cause further warming and changes in all components of the climate system. Most aspects of climate change will persist for many centuries even if emissions of CO2 are stopped. Therefore,

limiting climate change will require a substantial, international and sustained climate change commitment.

The report presents extensive data to support climate change.

It has demonstrated that climate change is a scientifically proven reality and not a belief or an opinion, as some people think. It is time to stop discussing whether it is real or not, and start taking measures to try to limit the effects that climate change has and will have in our world.

S. Rossi

T

he United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has released its report on the state of the Earth’s climate. It has taken input from more than 800 scientists and has used more than 9,000 scientific studies, making it the most authoritative assessment on climate change that has ever been collated. The report concludes that humans are the main cause of global warming since the 1950s. It also provides a huge amount of data to support their conclusions that I will try to summarise.

The land and ocean surface temperature data show a considerable warming effect over the period from 1880 to 2012, with the last 30 years being the warmest period of the past fourteen centuries. Ocean warming is at its greatest near the surface; over the last 40 years , the upper 75 m have been warming up by 0.11°C per decade. The report predicts that most places will see more hot and fewer cold temperature extremes.

Over the last two decades, the Greenland and Antarctic ice sheets have been steadily losing mass, glaciers have continued to shrink almost worldwide and Arctic Sea ice and Northern Hemisphere snow cover have both continued to decrease. This has caused a rise in sea levels since the mid-19th century that is larger

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Science

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Natural answer to plastic problem Trosmisiek

Rhod Jenkins bathimpact Contributor

I

’ll bet a fair few of you are drinking a cup of take-away coffee with a plastic lid, which afterwards you’re going to throw into a plastic bin with a plastic bag inside. Don’t worry, I’m not judging, because I do the same: we all use and consume plastics. It’s in damn near everything we buy and use. We all try to reduce, re-use and recycle, and the government is bringing in a 5p charge on every new plastic bag you use (something Fresh on campus has already introduced). But what’s the actual problem with plastics?

One of the main problems is what they are made of and, by extension, where we get that from.

Most plastics are long-chain molecules (or ‘polymers’), made out of singular units (or ‘monomers’). The problem is that the vast majority of these monomers are fossil-fuel derived and account for around 5% of all oil and gas consumed. Apart from the fact that fossil fuels are inherently finite, they contribute towards climate change and cause geopolitical instability in certain regions of the world.

So what can we use instead?

Well, biomass. Obviously, I mean, look at the title. I was probably going to have to mention it at some point. In all seriousness though,

Non-degradable plastic bags are still not recycled enough. biomass is one of the potential sav- PET. It’s a great plastic for botiours of the plastics industry if we tles because it’s clear, it’s flexible were to run out of fossil fuels. In and strong so it won’t break when 2011 alone, over a million tons of you drop it and it has great barrier plastic were produced from bio-de- properties (in other words it keeps rived resources, which is predicted the fizz in). It’s actually made of two to rise to six million by 2016. This different monomers - ethylene glyall sounds pretty impressive… until col, which is produced from ethayou find out that in 2011 nearly 280 nol derived from the fermentation million tons of plastic were pro- of sugar cane (the plant bit), and duced from petrochemicals. Need- terephthalic acid, which still comes less to say, there is a bit of a way to from petrochemicals. So, in a nutgo. shell, only 30% of the plant bottles Though bioplastics are derived are bio-based. There is the potential from biological resources, not all of of making a 100% bio-derived plasthem are biodegradable. Take Coca tic by getting rid of the terephthalic Cola’s new ‘PlantBottle’, for exam- acid and making polyethylene (or ple. They’re using the exact same PE). Making polyethylene from plastic that they’ve been using few ethanol actually sequesters CO2 at years – polyethylene terephtha- a rate of roughly 2 kg per kg which late, or (significantly easier to say) would lead to environmental ben-

efits, but neither this nor PET are biodegradable. Even recycling isn’t solving the problem, as only 27% of the plastic bottles we use are recycled.

Biodegradable plastics, therefore, are one of the possibilities for making sustainable plastics which don’t accumulate. Polylactic acid, or PLA, comes from the fermentation of starches and sugars to form lactic acid, the same compound made in the muscles during highdemand exercise such as sprinting.

It’s commonly used for biodegradable cups and cutlery (check out the more up-market brands like M&S) and, due to its biocompatibility, can be used for medical implants such as screws and rods.

Nothing is ever quite so simple, however, and PLA does have its disadvantages. Lactic acid is chiral which means that there are two versions of the molecule. They’re exactly the same apart from one aspect – they’re mirror images and cannot be “superimposed” onto each other. To put it another way, think about your hands. They’re exactly the same, but mirror images.

If you put one on top of the other, your thumbs are on either side. It’s kind of the same with lactic acid molecules, and the properties of the polymer depend on the order of the mirror images. If it’s random, the PLA produced isn’t heat resistant

and can’t hold hot liquids. However, if you can control the order you arrange the molecules in, you can control the properties and improving PLA properties is something the Jones group in the Department of Chemistry are trying to do. In fact a PhD researcher within the group, Tom Forder, became more familiar with PLA when it was used in his knee operation after a sports injury. Talk about living and breathing your work! There are also other disadvantages to PLA; it has poor barrier properties so can’t be used for carbonated drinks and it poisons the recycling process of polyethylene, ruining the recycled product.

So if PLA doesn’t currently solve all the problems we face concerning plastic usage, then what are the options? There are, at least, other bioplastics being made and researched which could use other renewable sources such as glycerol (a waste product from biodiesel production) and vegetable oils themselves which have the potential to have improved properties such as polycarbonates and polyhydroxyalkanoates. The question that remains, however, is whether or not we’ll be able to produce these bioplastics on the scale that we need them and, more importantly, at an affordable cost.

Until then, maybe we should try to do our part and buy one of those reusable cups from Tiki.

Prof Science - Penguin power!

Who better than a dinosaur to explain a species’ survival?

“If your life does not depend on the ability to fly, why keep it?”

Flying is energetically superexpensive. Building up large breast muscles and wings to support your body weight takes a lot of energy.

So, if your life does not depend on the ability to fly, why keep it?

It has puzzled many scientists why exactly so many different birds have lost the power of flight. Many flightless birds have smaller wing bones and thus underdeveloped wings. They rely on running or swimming instead.

In New Zealand, many flightless birds are thought to have developed

their stubby wings as there were no large predators on the ground.

Smaller birds only had to fear predators from the sky and being small, hiding in the bushes was their best

bet for not getting eaten, at least until humans moved in with a taste for anything that looks like chicken.

Big flightless birds in Africa may have stubby wings, but at least they

have big, strong legs to make up for this, so they can quite easily outrun most predators or give them a nasty karate kick to the face.

Now, you might point out that Darius N

Dear Professor Science, I recently went to the zoo and I fell in love with the penguins they had there. They are such dapper looking gentlemen in their suit-like feathers. But why do they not just fly off? They are birds after all.

Dear zoo-frequenting Anonymous, That is an interesting question. Penguins cannot fly. They are flightless birds. This group encompasses about 40 species, including the ostrich, emu and kiwi to name but a few. These birds have evolved from volant ancestors, but lost their ability to fly over time.

penguins, in comparison to kiwis, are quite large and do indeed have wings that are more than just little stubs, and you would be right in doing so. They also have short stubby legs, on which they walk epic journeys every year. Living in the Antarctic, however, means they do not have to fear any land predators and so do not have to be able to run quickly.

At some point during evolution, penguins developed their love for the mysterious depths of the ocean.

At that time they abandoned flying high and took to the water instead.

They are excellent swimmers and divers and perhaps it is this underwater prowess which has cost these gentlemen their ability to fly; a wing that is made for flying is not necessarily good for swimming and diving. It is an evolutionary trade-off between taking to the air and being an Olympic class swimmer and diver. Penguins’ wings have instead developed into flippers that allow them to travel through the waves with elegance and ease. And let’s be honest, when you can duck beneath an iceberg to avoid trouble, why would you bother flying?

You can contact Professor Science with your questions on the Features email address: impactfeatures@bath.ac.uk

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World

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Brittany - becoming Little Britain?

Tom Ash Features Editor orsqu’on traite du « problème de l’immigration», on confond souvent le mot «immigré» avec «toute personne non britannique ». Cette idée est évidemment fausse: les immigrants anglais sont très nombreux.

Ce serait une erreur de prétendre que le reste du monde est submergé par des vagues d’anglais recherchant du travail et en quête d’allocations. Les chiffres de l’IPPR (le «Institute for Public Policy Research» en Angleterre) montrent qu’il y a entre 200.000 et 250.000 anglais qui habitent en France métropolitaine. Cet ensemble de données ne comprend pas, cependant, les anglais toujours enregistrés officiellement au Royaume Uni, profitant de leur citoyenneté européenne pour emménager à l’étranger sans titre de séjour.

En France, l’afflux de ces per-

tagne ont été séduits par des promesses : une meilleure qualité de vie, des maisons moins chères et une vie idyllique à la campagne, des choses dont ils ont été privés dans leur propre pays à cause de l’urbanisation. Malheureusement, ils arrivent souvent sans aucune maîtrise de la langue française, mais avec deux idées préconçues qui sont dangereuses ; la première, que le français est facile à apprendre ; la deuxième, que tout le monde parle l’anglais.

En raison de cette lacune linguistique, la communauté anglophone est devenue une sorte de groupe de soutien, dans laquelle ceux qui ont (de) l’expérience, ou qui parle la langue, fournissent des biens, des services et des conseils à ceux qui viennent d’arriver. Il y a l’agent immobilier anglais qui vous vendra une maison ; suivi de l’électricien australien qui remplacera l’installation électrique qui date

des années soixante ; et finalement le comptable écossais qui remplira votre déclaration de revenus pour tout le «Cheddar» que vous avez importé de votre dernier séjour à Plymouth dans le but de le vendre à vos amis anglais.

Bien que cette situation ait l’air charmante, elle donne lieu à une communauté d’expatriés qui est presque complètement séparée de la communauté française. A part quelques visites au supermarché, il n’y a pas réel besoin de parler en français.

L’exception est, évidemment, à l’école, où les enfants des immigrés anglais sont obligés d’apprendre rapidement la langue, afin d’éviter l’échec scolaire. En effet, en général les enfants apprennent les langues plus facilement que leurs parents, alors ce n’est pas un grand problème. Néanmoins cela donne lieu à des situations intéressantes/ surprenantes, dans lesquelles les

enfants eux-mêmes doivent servir d’interprètes aux réunions parents professeurs.

Inutile de dire que cette communauté «ghettoïsée» n’est pas tenue en haute estime par toute la population indigène, qui est fatiguée de répondre à la question «Can you repeat s’il vous plait? » et qui peut devenir un peu irritable envers leurs nouveaux voisins.

Néanmoins, dans l’ensemble les Français sont tolérants et accueillants avec les anglophones qui s’installent en Bretagne, malgré la forte identité culturelle de la région.

Si la France, un pays qui n’est pas connu pour sa tolérance envers minorités, est capable d’accepter ces communautés isolées d’anglais, peut-être que les anglais au Royaume Uni devraient en prendre compte dans leur façon de juger l’immigration dans leur propre pays.

Jon Sillivan

Jon Sillivan

Phil Denton

Mith

Iker Merodio

Nicolas Raymond

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sonnes et d’autres anglophones est peut-être plus visible en Bretagne, sur les côtes du nord-ouest du pays.

Ce n’est pas forcément notable à cause du grand nombre d’immigrés qui se sont installés là-bas (bien que ce soit possible), mais plutôt parce qu’il semble que les anglais choisissent d’acheter leurs biens immobiliers dans des coins plus ruraux, au lieu de grandes agglomérations comme Brest ou Rennes. Par conséquent, on perçoit plus vivement la présence des immigrants anglophones dans les villages et petites villes autour desquels ils ont tendance à se rassembler.

On pourrait remettre en cause la perceptibilité de cette immigration parce que, après tout, un anglais ressemble à un français aussi bien d’apparence que culturellement, et ce bien plus qu’on ne pourrait le penser. Toutefois, la langue reste une différence essentielle.

La plupart des anglais en Bre-

Tom Ash now attempts to explain what he was going on about

W

hen discussing ‘the problem of immigration’ there is a tendency to misinterpret the word ‘immigrant’ as ‘non-British person’. This is of course a fallacy, as there are thousands of British immigrants in the world.

It would be wrong to claim that other countries are being swamped by a tide of British migrants seeking work and claiming benefits.

Statistics from the IPPR (Institute for Public Policy Research) show that between 200,000 and 250,000 British citizens live in mainland France, however, this data does not include those who remain registered in the UK but use their EU citizenship to move abroad without visas.

In France, the influx of these peo-

ple along with other native English speakers is perhaps more noticeable in the north-western coastal region of Brittany. This is not necessarily because the greatest number of immigrants are settled here (although that may well be the case), but instead because the British seem motivated to buy properties in rural communities rather than in the large urban conglomerations such as Brest and Rennes. As a result, the presence of English-speaking immigrants is more keenly felt in the villages and small towns where they tend to cluster.

One might be moved to question whether it is really that noticeable; after all, British people look no different from French people and are more culturally similar that one might initially think. The key differ-

ence, however, is language.

Most British are attracted to Brittany by the promise of higher living standards, cheaper house prices and the romantic countryside lifestyle denied to them in their own country as a result of urbanisation.

Unfortunately, they often arrive with no knowledge of French and two dangerous assumptions; the first that French is easily learnt; the second that everyone speaks English.

As a result of this lack of language knowledge, the Englishspeaking community has formed itself into a kind of support group, in which those with experience or language skills provide goods, services and advice to new arrivals. There is the English estate agent who will source your ‘place in the sun’; then

the Australian electrician who will update the 1960s wiring; then the Scottish accountant who will fill in your tax returns for all that Cheddar cheese that you imported during your last trip to Plymouth and sold to your English friends.

Although this may sound very charming, it does mean that the expatriate community is almost completely sequestered from the French one. Aside from trips to the supermarket, there is no real need to speak any French.

The exception of course is at school, where the children of British immigrants have to pick up the language quickly, or else face academic failure. Without doubt children in general learn languages more easily than their parents, so this is not a huge problem; but it does give rise

to interesting situations, wherein the children themselves have to interpret at parents’ evenings.

It goes without saying that this ‘ghettoised’ British community is not viewed well by all of the native population, who have grown tired of being asked ‘Can you repeat s’il vous plait?’ and can become a little shorttempered with their new neighbours. Nevertheless, for the most part the French are both tolerant and welcoming of English speakers who settle in Brittany, despite the region’s strong cultural identity.

If France, a country not known for its tolerance of minorities, can accept the existence of these isolated British communities, then maybe the British at home should take note with regards to how they judge immigration in their own country.

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Activities

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Students show off their Socs Scott Burfiend SU Activities Officer

F

riday 27th September saw the first Societies Showcase of the year, bringing together Freshers, returners and even a few graduates for an evening of entertainment. With fourteen acts coming from eight different societies, there was truly a fantastic display of talent on offer for the lucky audience.

The night began with a spectacular dance routine from BUASS, the Bath University Asian Students’ Society, reminding everyone that it’s not just the Arts Societies who love to dance. Following this energetic start, the audience were treated to a musical

interlude from BUSMS, the student musicals society, performing songs from their upcoming show ‘The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee’.

Home grown talent from the University of Bath was later demonstrated when BUST stepped forward to delight spectators with a somewhat apocalyptic twist to the night; the hilarious ‘Weather Report’ sketch written by their own members.

The first half of the show continued with a multitude of melodious moments courtesy of Luke Whincop (Music Soc), Folk Soc and BUSMS, before Bodysoc ushered in the interval with a powerful routine to the words of Martin

Luther King. Choreographed by Bath students, Bodysoc demonstrated the breadth of their talent in this performance, combining elements from several different dance styles.

BREAK kicked off the second half with an energetic performance to the tunes of Music Soc. Breakers by name and by nature; these guys showed that you don’t need a slick and polished routine, improvising a crowd pleasing spectacle on the night to the delight of the audience.

Tomos Harris, a self-proclaimed jazz pianist from Music Soc, was next on the stage. With some of the nimblest fingers I have ever seen, Tom was definitely the highlight of my evening, and many others agreed. He is definitely a talent to look out for.

Taking a brief pause from musical masterpieces, we were treated to the rare delight of Josh Ayres with an incredible club juggling routine. Cartwheeling onto stage, this PhD student and Gravity Vomit (Juggling & Circus Skills) member knew how to make an entrance and how to make an impact.

BUSMS continued the evening with a third snippet from their upcoming ‘Spelling Bee’ (tickets available from ICIA). The emotional ‘I Love You Song’ left the audience moved and eager to see the whole show, running 3rd -5th October.

The penultimate act featured the hilarious Guillermo from

BUST delivering a side-splitting monologue on the use of ‘Phonetic Punctuation’. With a beautifully deadpan delivery, Guillermo educated the audience on the importance of clarity in speech; pronouncing commas, exclamation marks, colons and more.

The finale to the evening was provided by Bodysoc, with a repeat performance of their Lion King routine from the Safari Night. This show-stopping dance was the perfect way to end the night of incredible talent and performances from such a wide selection of societies.

For those who missed the first Societies Showcase, fear not! We will be holding more events throughout the year in The Tub. Watch this space for more details to come! If you would like to get involved in the event with any performance at all –

coming homeless to establish sustainable homes and lifestyles.

disorder or conditions of emotional or mental distress requiring advice or treatment.

compere, stand up, music, juggling, dance, theatre, or anything else – contact me, your Activities Officer, at suactivities@bath.ac.uk

The many riches of Bath RAG Hannah Jack & Kathy Regan bathimpact Contributors

B

ath RAG (Raise and Give) is the student fundraising group run by students of the University of Bath. We raise money for various local and national charities by organising events both in Bath and on campus throughout the academic year. RAG consists of a committee of eight members, supported by a large base of volunteers who, at the time of going to print, numbered over 300. Last year over £35,000 was raised for charity, and this year RAG aims to exceed that amount. During both semesters there will be a wide variety of events aimed at raising money and awareness, which include a number of new events, such as the Halloween Zombie Run and ‘Lost’, an exciting new event where students are taken to a secret location and have to find their way back to campus with no money. Aside from these, regular RAG fixtures include the fireworks in November, which the Bath RAG team organise alongside the Rotary Club to put on a stunning fireworks display in town. As well as this, in December RAG Volunteers get involved with the cloakroom at the Snow

Ball and run a collection at the Bath Abbey university carol service.

It is in February, however, that the biggest fundraising events take place, during what is known as RAG Week – seven days dedicated to raising and giving with non-stop events. Past events include: Take Me Out, a silent disco, Gunk-aSUOff and a closing party sleepout, when students take to Parade in their sleeping bags to rough it for a night to increase awareness of homelessness whilst raising money for Julian House. On top of this, there is the Fashion Show in March, a hugely popular event which is normally held in the prestigious Assembly Rooms and involves many local and national brands.

Each year RAG elects four charities that we feel strongly about and which the bulk of our fundraising goes toward. This year the ‘Big Four’ charities that we are supporting are: Julian House, Bath Mind, Sense and Teenage Cancer Trust.

Julian House supports homeless men and women in and around Bath as well as those who are at risk of becoming homeless. They aim to eradicate the need for rough sleeping and enable those at risk of be-

Sense’s vision is a world where all deafblind children and adults can be full and active members of society. Their Woodside Family Centre, Bristol provides support for children and adults with multi-sensory impairment. The centre was a victim of arson attack in October 2011 and is still trying to replace items lost in the fire.

Bath Mind is an independent, registered charity working towards a better life for people diagnosed, labelled or treated as mentally ill, and operates inside the boundaries of Bath and North East Somerset. Bath Mind aim to promote the preservation of mental health and to assist in relieving and rehabilitating people suffering from mental

Teenage Cancer Trust is a national charity which significantly impacts the lives of young cancer sufferers in the South West region.

Around 215 young people aged between 13 and 24 are diagnosed with cancer each year in the South West, which can be devastating not only

for the young person but also for their families and friends. Teenage Cancer Trust’s Education Programme helps all young people to have a greater awareness of teenage and young adult cancers and empowers them to make healthy life style choices.

Ultimately, RAG’s aim is to have fun whilst raising money and awareness for worthwhile causes. The fundraising events and raids are all fantastic opportunities to learn, make friends, and give up some time or energy to some amazing causes.

Remember the balloons in Freshers’ Week? That was all for RAG

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Media

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Behind the scenes of FW 2013 F r e s h ers’ week and what a week it was.

Well it’s been over a whole week since FW13 came storming into our lives, taking us on a magical carpet, and then, as quickly as it came, left us all alone, crying late into the night as we struggle to deal with our newfound borderline alcoholism.

For those of you who didn’t spend the week alternating between throwing up onto your shoes and desperately stocking up on condoms you never actually used because you were always too busy throwing up onto your shoes, you may have noticed a certain lurid yellow group

cavorting round the events. Well that was us; your friendly Media group.

During the week our radio station 1449AM URB spent their time either causing large amounts of speaker envy as they turned the lawns outside halls into perfect predrinking venues by pumping out chart and classic music alike. They also spent hour after hour writing witty scripts and deciphering the drunk and incoherent ramblings of Freshers’ in order to put together their daily ‘Fresh and in Focus’ podcasts. The only thing URB put more effort into than their work was the huge blow-out party at the end of the week, the effects of which are still being felt by some members.

The bathimpact team took off their serious journalistic hats for t h e

week as they stole hearts and dignity alike with mintyfresh’s amusing (and somewhat cynical) coverage of Freshers’ Week. Hugely popular with First years and FW veterans alike, the daily publication was a constant source of gossip and scandal as the intrepid reporters toured campus kitchens and delved into the heart of the event in search of scoops. It wasn’t all hard work, as several of the team still found time to swoon over the latest cohort to join Bath as they desperately tried to prise both numbers and stories out of the unfortunate Freshers’.

Needless to say they were successful.

CTV made a huge impact on campus with a series of incredible videos, which perfectly captured the euphoric pandaemonium the u n -

derpins the week. An achievement that’s especially impressive considering nearly all of the team started the week with little-to-no video experience, which proves the point that you really don’t need to be an expert to be part of Media.

After taking a well earned week of rest, we’re gearing up for our first social of the year, so if you’re keen to meet the people who brought you any of the above, or your Tuesday night looks a bit quiet, then come along! We’re meeting at 7pm in the Plug on the 8th October, and the theme is Disney. Be there or be a regular quadrilateral with equal sides.

If you missed out on our Freshers’ Week content, don’t panic, you can find it all on our Facebook pages: www.facebook.com/1449amurb www.facebook.com/bathimpact www.facebook.com/bathCTV

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Simon Rushton Editor-in-Chief

T

he 25th of September this year saw one of the greatest come-backs in sporting history, as Oracle Team USA beat Emirates Team New Zealand to win the 34th Americas Cup 9-8 - clearly a result that justifies the title of a great come-back; the New Zealanders were on match point for 14 races, but luck this time was not on their side.

The Americans entered the last week of the competition in complete disarray, and despite having three race wins they were stuck on a single point, due to a two point penalty imposed on them thanks to a technical infringement on their boat. This infringement is especially strange as the Americans, defending the cup, got to set the rules for the next tournament.

These rules included the design of the boats, which for this series were extremely revolutionary; 72 ft long AC72 catamarans. These boats were fitted with solid sails equivalent in size to a Boeing 747’s wing.

Furthermore, in order to reduce drag, these boats travel through the water on small hydrofoils, wings that are deployed below the hulls of the boats. The combination of all of the above allows the boats to reach

speeds of 50 mph, a speed almost unknown on the water.

These speeds, however, caused many a safety concern. These regrettably culminated, during the build-up to the cup, in a capsizal which caused the death of former British Olympic Gold Medal winning sailor, Andrew Simpson MBE. Consideration for safety led to strict safety measures imposed on the racing. These led to restrictions on the wind speed and hence any race where the wind speed was too high would be abandoned. Regrettably during the cup this happened 5 times; one race also was postponed as the wind was too light and the race surpassed the 40 min allotted time period, which presumably was added to appease the television schedulers.

The race that ran over and one of the high wind races were both abandoned with the Kiwis tantalisingly close to winning the cup; they had a very comfortable lead when both of these races were called off.

A final change that helped the Americans win was bringing reserve helm, Sir Ben Ainslie, into the race boat as tactician. This role is second only to the skipper during the race and crucial as, in match racing, the aim is always to beat the other boat rather than setting

donjd2

Ainslie shows those Kiwis what for

The New Zealand boat, back in the Louis Vuitton cup, the qualification for the Americas Cup the fastest time. This change on the now nominally American boat had the desired effect and changed the destination of the cup.

Winning the cup has inspired Ainslie to press further for a British team to compete for the right to challenge the Americans in the next cup. This, however, is not cheap as

the costs of designing and building the boats and employing the best crew need to be considered. Any sponsors will have to look carefully at whether their exposure will reach suitable television audiences worldwide.

This is looking hopeful as the considerable amount of exposure

in the media thanks to the American comeback will have drawn new fans into the sport, then it can only be hoped that in two to three years the next cup will be Oracle versus a British team, with Ben Ainslie hopefully once again proving to be the difference between the two boats.

Bath Tri don’t just try, they succeed Emily Hogge, Triathlon club chair, on the triathlon championship tively. Brian had a fantastic sub17 minute run and was 7th Brit - a great result. Chris commented after the race “the atmosphere, the crowd and the whole experience was amazing.”

On Sunday with the roads closed, and the course extended,

Dan Thorby was the first to dive into the rather chilly Serpentine and get racing underway, in the Olympic distance U19 age group event.

Despite breaking his arm 8 weeks ago, having an operation, and spending three weeks in a

cast, Dan had a fantastic race, finishing in 2:07:34, 21st across the line – a real fighter. Charlotte Baker went next; completing the course in a fantastic 2:08 finishing 14th in the U25 female race; a great way to celebrate her birthday.

Bath Uni Tri Team

T

he final round of the ITU World Championship series was held in Hyde Park, London the weekend of the 11-15th September. With eight Bath athletes competing in the age group events, it was set to be a fantastic weekend of racing.

The weather had other ideas, however, being rather tempramental- the looming grey skies and the rain dominated the proceedings- making the course slippery and treacherous at times!

All the Bath athletes pushed through it and showed their grit and determination; racing through the rain to finish in style, in front of some great crowds. The Bath supporters also came out cheering on our athletes throughout the week, and creating the usual Bath noise!

The Sprint distance event came first on Friday 12th September with Hannah Larbalestier and Vikki Voysey kicking the weekend off, by competing in the U25 age group. Vikki had a fantastic racejust missing out on top ten in a tough race full of elites! She was 11th across the line and 7th Brit, in a time of 1:17:49- whilst Hannah, still young for her age group, came in at 1:24:57 taking 30th position and 15th Brit.

In the U25 boy’s age group Chris Silver, Brian Glynn and Mat Everest represented Bath, finishing 34th, 17th and 22nd respec-

After the race she said “I’d like to say a massive thank you to everyone in the tri club who encouraged me to enter the qualifying events. I never thought I would be able to qualify! The atmosphere at the race was incredible! All the cheering definitely kept me going and it was so nice to see so many people from bath dotted around the course.” Jansen was last off for the Bath team completing the course in 2:08:10, another good race and as always, full of smiles for the crowd!

Overall it was a successful weekend of racing, with all the Bath athletes arriving home safely with smiles across their faces- despite the constant rain!

It was fantastic to watch each athlete take to the start line, proudly flying the flag for Great Britain and showing that they are amongst the best in the world. It has been a long year, with ups and downs, but each athlete gave their all, and they produced some fantastic results.

It was also pretty exhilirating to see so many Bath University hoodies around the course both competing and supporting, we were well represented and everyone really did The University of Bath proud!

I would also like to give a very special thank you to our sponsors Nuun and Avon Valley Cyclery for their continued support.

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Football massively pisses Ben off Ben Cochrane impactsport Contributor

Tom Brogan

F

ootball really pisses me off and I mean really pisses me off. I don’t see why people find watching a bunch of overpaid wanktards chase each other round whilst kicking a glorified synthetic pigs bladder so enthralling. For God’s sake they don’t even spend the majority of time on their feet in a sport that is named after that very part of the body. What’s more, every twatface on the pitch has not one shred of respect for each other and more importantly the poor, lonely man in the middle of the field on which their dubious jobs rely on.

And the fans. Oh Christ the fans.

Have you ever seen a group more immature or hostile? I’ve seen better mannered people in prisons.

Don’t get me wrong, sport is one of the best things about mankind and yes when you like something very much you can by all means be passionate about it, it’s what keeps us from throwing ourselves of the nearest tall building, but when that passion turns aggressive, then and only then do you become an utter dick.

Football fans are the epitome of this: the pinnacle of prickishness. I once watched a football match live, with a group of away supporters in a vast acidic lake of home supporters. The away side won and I have never been so scared by anything in my life. Apart from the noises in my head, but I’ve slowly gotten used to those. They were just so unnecessarily aggressive; it didn’t make any sense. They were shouting, spitting, swearing, wanking off invisible men and over what?

Because some people they barely knew and with whom their only connection with is that they live in the same area.

Football fans at a footy match doing their thing- making complete drunken fools of themselves What’s worse was the chanting.

The content was so unutterable that it wasn’t even allowed to be published in this fine upstanding newspaper with some questionable censurers. If these chants were heard anywhere else then arrests would be on the cards. So why are people allowed to get away with it when they are within four, rather sometimes dubious, walls?

This subject has reared its somewhat unpleasant head in recent times with regards to the ‘Yid Army’. If you didn’t know the term ‘Yid’ is a derogatory name for someone who practices Judaism that was coined in Germany in the late 19th Century. Tottenham

Hotspur is a football club that has historically been associated with a Jewish part of North London. Football fans put one and one together, two and two would have been too difficult, and have heckled at Tottenham Hotspur fans the word ‘Yid’ and have even made hissing sounds to imitate they gas showers used by the Nazis during the Holocaust. The irony is that most of the supporters and indeed players of Tottenham Hotspur are not Jewish at all and many do not even know the true meaning of ‘Yid’, as is the case with many of the hecklers. This isn’t surprising when you remember that none of the know the meaning of the word ‘etiquette’

either.

In rebellion to this, the fans of Tottenham Hotspur have now dubbed themselves ‘The Yid Army’ and they even have their own website selling T-shirts that say ‘Keep Calm and Join the Yid Army’. You can check it out if you want, but I wouldn’t bother; it looks really tacky.

Many people think this is wrong.

I too think that ‘Keep Calm’ tat is awful. Many people also think that dubbing themselves that is really not on.

The fans believe that if they call themselves by the very thing that opposing fans heckle at them in abuse that the opposing fans will

stop. They have a point; the best defence is offence and all that bollocks. However as many of the fans don’t know the meaning of ‘Yid’ let alone ‘spoon’, are they being offensive?

I can see a parallel with the ‘N’ word. It is accepted by many that the only person that can safely use the ‘N’ word is black people themselves, as they are what the word is meant to be insulting. Therefore if you apply the same logic then someone who is Jewish can use the term ‘Yid’.

Where this logic falls down for the fans of Tottenham Hotspur is that hardly any of them are Jewish and so it is like the Conservative Party calling themselves ‘The chavs from the block’.

Frankly I couldn’t care less, football fans can do whatever they want and call themselves whatever they want too, as long as they don’t stab me. To be honest the majority of people who have talked about the story are people who are slightly, ha, more intelligent than the people involved in the story and therefore are we just offended by them being thick rather than racist? Are we just getting worked up over something that doesn’t really matter purely because we like to get worked up by stuff? People can be indirectly affected by racism and offended by a comment that doesn’t discriminate against their race, religion, colour, football club and so it is not hard to believe that many people could be offended, Jewish or not, by these comments and if Jewish people and more importantly the Jewish fans and players of Tottenham Hotspur are offended by the term ‘Yid’ Army’ surely if the fans truly do care about the club they’d stop. If they didn’t, well fuck’em.

CrewBath fundraise their shirts off Luke Ponting, CrewBath Commitee member, on fundraising row local rowing club) in rowing the equivalent of the distance from the Boathouse (a posh-ish pub on the Avon) to Eton Dorney (in Wind-

sor!), on rowing machines in the heart of Southgate shopping centre.

This is just a part of the Club’s CrewBath

O

n Saturday 21st September, CrewBath, the University’s rowing team, aided Minerva Rowing Club (a small-ish

efforts to raise money to go towards the addition of running water, toilets and showers at their own boathouse. The University’s senior squad, the squad which helped the Minerva rowing club, formed two teams of five, team “Jane Austen” and team “Ralph Allen.”

These two teams split the pretty massive distance of 30,000m between themselves. Although the rowers were exceedingly tired after finishing two water sessions that morning, each team gritted their teeth and rowed hard in order to complete the 15km race faster than the other team.

It was a busy day in the centre of Bath, and Westgate was no exception- the shoppers were enjoying the cheerful, frantic atmosphere, and they seemed to take a Schadenfreude-like pleasure out of witnessing the pain the rowers were forcing themselves to keep going through.

The mood was lightened, however, by the generous (not completely selfless) offer of a £50 donation from the Minerva Ladies if Frazier, one of the GB World Class Start rowers, did the final leg of the race topless. Frazier agreed and managed to conquer any selfconsiousness he may have had, and rowed the fastest leg of everyone to bring victory for team Jane Austen.

After the seniors had finished, it was time for the new CrewBath coach, Tony Larkman, to take to the erg. Tony showed us that he has still got what it takes to perform on the erg; he completed his leg in a seriously impressive time, and hardly broke into a sweat.

Finally the Minerva Vet’s finished off the Row-A-Thon with World Masters Gold Medallists Klaus Riekemann and Arnold Cooke rowing the last metres of the 152,700m row.

Monday 7th October 2013

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Connor McGregor Morton impactsport Editor ainbow coloured shoelaces were given to every professional football player in every one of the 92 Premier League and Football League teams in England, and to every player on every team on each of the 42 teams in the Scottish league- in an initiative to root out and exterminate the air of homophobia that shrouds the sport. The campaign, however, fell short of the charity’s expectations due to a number of perceived organisational mistakes, and also a lot of teams refused to back the project.

The Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual rights charity Stonewall -now the largest of its kind in Europe, Founded in 1989 by Sir Ian McKellen, Lisa Power MBE and Michael Cashman CBE- in conjunction with the Irish betting company Paddy Power, distributed the shoelaces, to be worn on the weekend of the 21st and 22nd September. The idea is that any football player willing to wear them was supporting any player in the league who was too afraid of coming out because of the apparent anti-homosexual sentiment around the sport, this comes from the fact that there are no openly gay players in the English or Scottish professional leaguesStonewall claim the chance of there being absolutely no gay players in the leagues are “1 in 22,947,321,5 63,647,480,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

R

,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000”which, for the less mathematically literate of our readership- is rather (almost insignificantly so,) small.

The idea was to try and follow in the massive strides the Football Association has made in ridding the game from racism, with the “say no to racism” campaign, which has clearly made massive steps toward wiping racism from the game. The campaign’s motto, “Right Behind Gay Footballers” echoes the simplicity behind that of the anti-racism campaign.

In February, the Football Association launched a campaign where a toolkit- effectively a 43 page dossier explaining the best ways to eradicate homophobia from the gameto each team, but after a month, a shameful 29 out of 92 teams were involved- showing that even fairly well organised bouts to stop homophobia have been snubbed by a large amount of the league teams.

These shoelaces in caused quite a stir- not only was there absolutely zero consultation between the charity and the football teams, talk about it was rife, even to the extent that a few critics even worried there may be a tactical disadvantage for football players without proper footballing laces- yeah, that’s right, you read correctly.

The fact that the charity Stonewall did not confer with either the football association or any individ-

hyekab25

Footballers kick out homophobia

ual teams seems to be the main excuse (or reason) used by both to explain the lack of enthusiasm of any of them- in terms of embracing the whole shoelaces campaign. In fact, the only team which had its entire team change their laces was Everton, which have an official partnership with the commercial partner of the scheme, Paddy Power. All other teams either completely declined to participate- such as Manchester United and Tottenham; both of which made statements to the effect of “We have contacted Stonewall and have given support,” “due to third party companies sponsoring our shoes we can’t do it,” or “we would have if Stonewall had contacted the Football Association or the team before,” or they allowed their players to laces their shoes that way if they wished.

Queen’s Park Rangers Midfielder Joey Barton essentially became the face of the campaign, tweeting about the event and spurring on other players on other teams to give

their support. The twitter campaign was perhaps the most successful part of the campaign, as the hashtag, #RBGF- (an acronym of the motto) Trended on the weekend of the 21st and 22nd. A tweet made by him on the 20th read “Lets all show football as a community is forward thinking on this issue. I’m proud to say I’m right behind gay footballers. #RBGF” Other supporters of the campaign included Gary Lineker, who wore the shoelaces when presenting Match of the Day. A lot of teams decided against wearing on the shoelaces on the grounds of the lack of consultation, but as stated before, when they had been given the toolkit by the Football Association, a meagre 29 out of 92 teams were involved- suggesting that maybe these may be convenient excuses to distance themselves from the project without making a stance on it- effectively to dodge any responsibility. A lot of criticism was drawn from the fact that Stonewall allied itself with a betting

company for the campaign- which they defended with the comment “Stonewall hasn’t received a penny from Paddy Power for this campaign. They have, however, recently become members of our Workplace Diversity Champions programme, the largest programme of its kind in the world, and pay the standard membership rate of £2,500 per annum. This reflects their commitment to not only tackling homophobia in football but also making their workplace gay-friendly too.”

Other criticism was drawn from the fact that the slogan “Right Behind Gay Footballers” seems like a sexual innuendo and this effected the credibility of the campaign- this was the main complaint of the activism group Football V Homophobia.

Whatever the reason, the campaign has seemingly not made the impact it wished, but hopefully this will be the start of a chain reaction which will cause the walls of homophobia in football to crumble.

Here is SU Sport’s point of view T

he rise in sport memberships is a necessary precaution we had to take to maintain and improve our recreational offer.

Sport England started funding the 3:thirty club in 2011/12 for a 3 year period in which they would reduce the grant every year. This

“

(same price for first club joined, £10 increase for second) is that most people have a ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’ sport which they play recreationally.

This £10 increase will be put into recreational sport which will inevitably help each individual club. The unfortunate timing of the

This £10 increase will be put into recreational sport which will inevitably help each individual club.

was to help us create a sustainable recreational programme that we would then take on in our regular club activity after the third year.

The thought behind this format

”

decision meant that consultation with the clubs was more difficult as the only way for me to contact the relevant clubs was by email.

We have worked extremely hard

in the last few years to move towards having a complete sporting offer rather than catering only for the elite athletes, and we need additional funding to maintain and improve what we have built.

We have looked at other options but unfortunately for our members the only viable one this year was to raise membership fees by £10 for the ‘secondary’ sports.

As for the increase in BUCS subscription fee, this summer I learned that SU Sport’s BUCS budget was overspent by £20,000 every year.

This is something we had to address and again we could not find any other way than charging the members.

With all this we however remain one of the cheapest universities in the country for sport.

Bath SU

Tom Janicot, Bath SU Sports Officer replies to the previous article

impactsport Tom Janicot responds, page 18 Bath SU

Monday 7th October 2013

Inside impactsport Ben’s little gripes with “the beautiful game” impactsport Contributor Ben Cochrane runs through the recent Yid army scandal, among other small things that rile him up Page 22 has the full story

CrewBath fundraises for Minerva rowing team Luke Ponting, Committee member for CrewBath, writes about the fundraising effort the rowing team made in Westgate Turn to page 22 to read it all

This year’s Freshers at the Sports’ Fair. Do they know how the cost of sport at the Univeristy has changed from previous years?

Sport Fee Format changes F

£20 to £30. Previously the deal has been that the student pays £10 to SU Sport as a one-off subscription, and then joins as many clubs as they like for £20 each. From now on, the £10 membership fee will not be required for club membership will be a flat £30 charge.

For those just joining one club, this is not an issue. For those joining multiple clubs however, the restructuring represents a 50 per cent price hike after their first subscription. This is a blow in particular to students paying the old fees, as part of the rationale behind the Sports Pass was that it represented better value for money the more clubs they joined. Convincing older members to stay in the club may therefore prove more difficult for committees, especially as these members are likely to be in their final years of study.

For committees, the timing of the announcement (3rd September 2013) is particularly unfortunate,

as the regular General Meetings (GMs) of SU Sport, to which each club sends two committee representatives (each with a vote) do not occur during the holiday period.

Thus, while the GM would normally give clubs the opportunity to challenge and scrutinise policies announced by the Sport Officer, this has not been possible in this instance.

Furthermore, committees agreed club budgets and membership targets with the Sport Officer long before the increase was announced. As the policy will likely result in recruitment issues for some clubs, and as failing to meet membership targets will result in financial penalties for the clubs (as well as special measures should 75 per cent of the target not be reached) treasurers and chairs may wish they had been made aware of this before agreeing to the targets.

Similarly, even if membership targets are reached, then the CJ Isherwood

Tom Ash Features Editor ollowing a recent announcement by Students’ Union Sport Officer Tom Janicot, BUCS and club membership fees are set to rise by £10 each.

The cost of sport has been a contentious issue over the past four years. In 2010 it was announced by the Sports Department that students would have to each purchase a new £100 Sports Pass in order to use campus facilities. Despite student opposition to the new policy, it was nevertheless implemented the following year. Fortunately SU Sport was able to negotiate a compromise whereby the cost of the pass would be included in the new £9000 tuition fees, thus saving future years of students the additional expenditure.

But now SU Sport itself is putting prices up. Prior to this year, athletes and players representing the University in official BUCS matches have had to pay a top-up fee of £35.

Whilst there is some contention as to whether those deemed talented enough to represent the University should have to pay more on top of their training costs, so far this has been tolerated. But from this year onwards the subscription will rise to £45. For the £10 increase in price, SU Sport offers a free t-shirt.

For clubs and captains, convincing players to pay extra may be a challenge, but not in and of itself insurmountable. However, the issue is compounded by a simultaneous increase in membership costs, from

amount that the club members themselves will be contributing to SU sport, and hence indirectly their individual club’s budget, will increase and SU Sport’s contribution will effectively decrease.

The clubs themselves however, will not receive any more money as the extra £10 is a contribution to SU Sports as a whole. Had this been known at the time of budget negotiations, requests might have been greater in light of the potential for fewer members.

Ultimately, the question is whether the new fees represent value for students’ money. In the case of a first team member whose sport is designated as a priority discipline by the University, their team membership allows them to access many discounted services, thus the BUCS fee is still a good deal. For those in non-priority sports (including cricket, lacrosse and basketball) the cost-benefit exchange is not so good. For sports which have both an individual and team championship, the fee could still be worthwhile if it includes the cost of competing in the showcase BUCS Championships.

As for the club fee, for students who only play one sport there will be no change, but for those who also want to try something new there will be an added cost implication.

Tom Janicot, Bath Students’ Union Sports Officer, replies to this piece on page 23.

Americans need help from the English to sail impact Editor-in-Chief Simon Rushton wraps up the Americas cup, the fact that it was pretty damn exciting, and that the USA need us again Turn to page 21 for more

Rainbow shoelaces help hammer homophobia impactsport Editor Connor talks about Stonewall and Paddy Power’s bid to stop homophobia with rainbow shoelaces page 23 has the full story

Triathlon team and the championship impactsport Editor Connor McGregor Morton talks about Stonewall and Paddy Power’s bid to stop homophobia with rainbow shoelaces page 21 has the full story

Get involved

If you are interested in sport and want to contribute, then contact impactsport Editor Connor McGregor Morton (impactsport@bath.ac.uk) to find out more details about how you can get involved.

We’re always looking for writers, photographers, people to take part, or just all round sports buffs to help out. So, if you have a story you want to share, don’t be afraid to get in touch!

Kevin Dooley

Clarity

2

Monday 7th October 2013

bite

bite Editorial: nothing much

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C

larity is something each human strives for in their life.

Something every scientific mind has ever searched for, something every modern spinster strives to keep the general public away from. Many people strive for clarity in terms of purpose, direction and most of all, understanding life from an ontological perspective, which is from where purpose and direction are derived – It seems this is in most part, ubiquitous in society and in many ways detrimental; which is where we welcome the cloudiness.

Analysing through the perspective of the nihilist, some allow their pursuit of clarity to be governed by this lack of clarity, this opaque ignorance I am referring to as ‘cloudiness’ we use as a socially acceptable form of denial, the constructed idea of purpose and meritocracy.

They make themselves believe something is clear when it is inherently the opposite. This isn’t necessarily done on an individual basis; it is something which society has perfected for the modern human, in a lovely little package. It shits me off when this cloudy ignorance manifests itself in a form of hierarchical materialism, the kind found all around us, this self-importance, people clad in opulent status symbols, (probably still made by slave children and earned at the expense of the enslaving of the entire global south) though I sound like I care about other humans beyond my Monkeysphere, as any self-respecting demi-misanthropist, I only care about cats.

This moves us on to another type of person, those self-proclaimed nihilists who seek the opposite form of clarity and in turn cloudiness , you’ve heard the sayings ‘one man’s junk is another man’s treasure’ and ‘one man’s zoetrope is another man’s skateboard’ etc. Clarity for this type of person, is usually a semi-nihilistic one (the philosophy of the lethargic). These people refute the aforementioned idea of clarity, believing life pointless,

A nibble of bite

this pointlessness plunges us into obscurity; everything is devoid of a strict purpose and therefore requires no attention. I have struggled with this dilemma my whole life; one thing seems to always ring true with me though. Let’s give a simple example, let A. represents the first group of people following the ‘straight line’ and B. represents the nihilists. In my experience those in the B camp, like me, are always battling themselves, trying to establish meaning for life, thus contradicting their gut beliefs – through this higgledy-piggledy existence however, they become the philosophers, the artists, the musicians, the people that can’t bear the thought of spending their life working for the man. They my friends are the people that make the entertainment in this world. The A team, well, in the most part, they don’t deviate; they remain on the line for fear of eternal exclusion and consume the products of team B. So who’s got it right? It all depends what the end game is, they exist in symbiosis, and they NEED each other. Those who can’t bear to face a life in obscurity, a life in

the clouds, who can’t accept that there actually is no purpose need the rat race and they day they stop believing is the day they hit the bottle. Those on team B have already hit the bottle, because for them, life means nothing, they coast through life refuting the actions of the rest, preaching their supreme answer, however simply defying a purpose of life doesn’t mean anything, you don’t win. Nobody wins. But guess what kids, there’s a twist. THERE IS an answer, secret letter A.5 was the answer. A.5 simply states, “if everything is pointless, and fades away in time, isn’t it pointlessness that makes it sublime?” (Freddie Stevenson, 2005) Did you notice my non-committal nature? These are basically my own pointless meandering thoughts and that my friend is the essence of this fleeting and beautiful life – pointless meandering-ness. So climb trees if you feel like it, stand naked in the rain and a final thought, when was the last time your feet actually touched mother earth’s soil? I mean actually touched it? I met someone recently who encouraged me to walk on the earth bear footed more often, it was since then that I’ve noticed, in modern life, almost everyone I know, never does. Those shoes you so love, are a cloudy barrier, an unwelcome sheath of protection from your most loving mother. Embrace her clarity. These thought were inspired by the following: The unbearable lightness of being, Pete, John, the unbelievable hotness of Chitara from thundercats, the uncanny ability of Eric Lindros and the unnatural ability of people walking on custard.

NB. As far as I know I coined the phrase hierarchical materialism, I’ve learnt that one can do this and get away with it.

A pointless picture of a cat in a box, looking cool

This week’s theme is Clarity and Cloudiness, a perfect follow on from the freshers issue, not only for the freshers but also for most of us, the first week of term is usually a time when something smacks us square in the face, whether it be workloads or Lacrosse balls or even regular man balls... the cloudy haze of the days of summer have gone and we’re left with the cold hard clarity of dissertations, lab reports and newspapers to design and edit. Sob. Well at least there’s GTA 5, Crusader Kings and her little sister, oh and let’s not forget Thomas the Tank

In bite this week: On the adjoining page Tom Gane sums of student life and it all brings in one fell dynamite explosion of an article On page 13 Johnny Barlow tells us why Wordsworth was a right jobs worth Fashin on Parade - see if you can spot anyone you know Centre page???? Lily Morris tells us all about coffee highs in Bath Lots of juicy music articles too on pages 11 and 12

Games: Crusader kings 2 and Europa universalise IV are two games from Paradox interactive which let you re-forge the history of the world from your computer screen. You choose an influential family and try to etch your dynasty into the lofty tomes of history. Pretty epic stuff! It’s much like Rome Total War and the Civ series but the AI works extremely well… too well. Paradox interactive as a company are excellent at providing continuing support for their games and there is now an option to carry over your save file from CK2 to EU IV, so you can play one dynasty from 800AD through to 1884 AD, a full 1000 years. Buy a copy now. NOW!

Quotes from our heads: Stupid things on paper: Girls in office angry at lack of pockets, many exclaimed put it in your vag’ “yes, you have the pocket of all pockets” Our editor-in-chief Simon Rushton is actually a cover of Sweet Home Alabama - and he’s studying Aerospace, coincidence? We don’t think so.

Overheard on campus - quotes on the street: “So I decided to take a year out in North Wales” “Waited 20 minutes for a bus. What a joke. So just got a cab”

Are Pharaohs born or coined? ... wait that’s phrases.

Back to work.

See page 11 for some recent album reviews, check out these recommended tracks: Arcade Fire - Reflektor Beck – I Won’t Be Long

Also, on a side note... it’s actually an acheivment not to have climbed kilamunjaro these days - there’s a lot of that going around.

Fiona Apple – Hot Knife

If you’re bored this weekend, climb in a hot bubble bath with a lazer-pen and three cats. You’re welcome.

Nine Inch Nails – Copy of A

Goldfrapp – Drew

Paul McCartney – New

Monday 7th October 2013

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Well...every silver lining

Torley

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Ever felt like every word you see is written in Korean? Or you were in a land of mushrooms, or your foot was Pikachu? (unless you know Korean it’s hard to...know?) written by Tom Gane

I

’m not sure that I like the new Freshers. Then again I don’t think I liked the last new Freshers either and if I’m honest, if I ever wanted new Freshers I’d just mop up the vomit and cum stains left by the previous lot, knit a Hollister hoodie for it and call it Zayne. Too harsh? Good, we can only get better from here. They’re all loud, young and fun, while I’m now less loud, slightly more old and spend my evenings watching the Newsroom, eating humus and writing petty articles about how I hate ”youths”.

They like Robin Thicke, ’banter’ and the exchange of bodily fluids in strange places; the first two I dislike and the latter I like to confine to the safe, shame-filled space of my bedroom. We’re apples and oranges. Montague and Capulet. I say tomato and they’re all probably too young to know the rest of that phrase.

Still, what most annoys me is that they haven’t been ground down yet. They wake up in the morning and don’t think “Christ, not again”. They check bus timetables in the naive hope that a U18 will turn up when it’s supposed to. They think they’ve got it all figured out, they think the world is clean and clear, not cloudy like a full moon night in Wales, when you sit and wait for the Were-Sheep to come down from the hills and pray that it isn’t you they take tonight. Still, to all the Freshers out there I say this. You will learn younglings. You will learn, just as surely as the Were-Sheep will take children who disrespect our English overlords, you will learn.

So see these words as a warning and preparation for the coming days when you sit and watch thirteen hours of Cougar Town because nothing else makes sense. I realise at the moment this must seem like the ramblings of a crazy, bitter Welshman, and rest assured it is, but nonetheless I’ll try and give you all a real example. I’m a politics student and in first year, before I figured out you don’t actually have to do any work to be a politics student, I tried to work out exactly what my place on the political spectrum was. I read some books about socialism to see just how far onto the dirty lefty scale of economics I could get. I read a fair few on development and international relations and really hated white people for a bit. Then a lot about feminism to centre that in on white men (just to be clear, still joking, although white dudes suck, we’re the rugby team of history).

Anyhow, the point is that I tried hard, learnt some things, knew exactly why Michael Gove was a wank hammer and felt like I could coherently discuss my political beliefs. I had clarity.

Then you delve in a little deeper and you realise that climbing to this little plateau of perceived knowledge only means you’re now high enough to see the massive shit storm of questions that were in the clouds above your head.

I’m all for libertarianism, but then at what point does it not become viable and only serves the interests of the status quo?

“

”

White dudes suck, we’re the rugby team of history

I’m all for freedom of expression, but then how do you react when it borders on cultural appropriation. These are all just little things that I think about when the peanut butter runs out, let alone looking at how you could actually implement change or anything scary like that. Consequently, my political beliefs can now be aptly summed up with a sigh, followed by, “try not to be a cunt, yeah?” Then the same can be said about life in general. At the start of university I had a pretty firm idea of what I wanted to do. University shit, media shit, placement shit, masters shit, journalist shit, job shit money shit, family shit, grow old and resent everyone, die. That seemed like a pretty decent plan, especially the resentment and the dying part. Plus I was flexible. I was perfectly open to a year being a monk in China, or a brief foray into reality television followed by a debilitating cocaine addiction and then a job in a book store (… I just want to be Bernard Black).

Again I thought I was doing it alright. Lectures were interesting and I went to more than half of them, I cared about my coursework and did it earlier than the night before the deadline, hell, I could even tell you what my modules were (you think this sounds easy, but just you wait). Again, I thought I

had some clarity and everything was going swimmingly. Then after some point you realise that for the last five years you’ve been working on essays and exams every few months for a future that you were told to pick when you were 15 and really, is this a good thing? Fifteen year old me wasn’t qualified to make any decisions that weren’t related to lunch (I fucked that up half the time too) and twenty year old me is barely any better.

After years of the stress and anxiety, bearing in mind that’s only five years out of God knows how many, wouldn’t it be nice to just run away and own a small café somewhere?

The rambling point I’m trying to make is that again the clouds descend and the outside world just seems like a hazy place where you work for a long time and not much really changes and then it’s all like “shit dog, what’s the point?” I bet this is exactly what you wanted from the lead article of the fun bit of the paper? A thousand words about how everything is futile and it honestly wouldn’t matter in the slightest if you killed yourself. Happy days! Still, I have a little happy message for you at the end.

I’m currently on placement in ‘that-there-London’ and doing the nine to five thing, helping a very famous mouse make a lot of money and working in an office. For a lot of my life I’ve always wanted to avoid this kind of thing (I watch embarrassing films and listen to a lot of idealistic music) and yeah, it might not be what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it’s quite nice right now. After years of competition with myself and other people, of being told each exam is important to your future and that if you let up for a second you’ll be giving blow jobs outside XL because you need some new heroin spoons, it’s nice to just do things. To come home from work and not feel guilty because you watched TV rather than read something depressing and boring about the EU. To spend some money on take away curry rather than eating crap all week just so you can get overly smashed on the weekend. So if you too end up feeling a bit clouded, just try and forget about competition and the search for clarity or achievement, and just try and do fun things, because no matter how much people try and convince you otherwise, everything is futile and it honestly wouldn’t matter in the slightest if you killed yourself.

Monday 7th October 2013

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Weekly Dig

Clive Darr

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Music

The Guide: Arts

Lazy Habits, Saturday 12th October at Moles, Bath. £7

Otway: The Movie, Monday 7th October at the Little Cinema, Bath, Screen 2. £5.60 Student ticket

Lazy Habits and Miss Baby Sol are touring and are not to be missed and will absolutely rock Moles with what Skiddle describes as an infectious, soul-tinged, Hip Hop, Brass and Bass sound.

Dubbed as Rock and Roll’s greatest failure; The Otway Movie is a fan funded movie in which British living legend John Otway stars to give a course on survival in the music industry.

Daughter, Thursday 24th October at Komedia. £15 (pictured top right) Ridiculously thought evoking . Simply beutiful and perfect, lyrically and musically. A must see.

Komedia Acoustic Showcase, Tuesday 15th October. £5 (student deals on drinks) A great chance to see some local acoustic acts from Bath and just have a night out at the same time - no need to hit the clubs this night, bring along some applause ready palms and face ready vegetables Sub Focus LIVE with Mat Zo and Rockwell, Weds 16th October at the O2 Academy, Bristol. £16 (pictured left) Modern electronic extraordinaire Sub Focus is hitting Bristol touring his recently released second solo album, Torus.

He’s a raging Bull of an act, get yoursen there, if you want to.

Juno and the Paycock by Sean O’Casey at Mission Theatre Bath. 16 - 19 October 2013 £11 Set in 1920s Ireland and one of the most popular plays in our fare green sister of a country, a family living in a working class tenement, there’s a twist though, the wife is the potato winner. The Mission Theatre website says that “everything and everyone is not what they seem... ” I’m going. Are you?

Comedy

New Act: Comedy Night Monday 7th October (also Nov 5th) at Komedia Bath. £2 or Free to UniLife Cardholders Komedia tip the headline act JON WAGSTAFFE as being “Tewkesburys newest and most dashing comic.Great hair, Great teeth.” So get yourself down there to see a host of new acts, including Bath and Bristol’s finests Amateur Transplants: Adam Kay’s Bum Notes, Thursday 10th October at Komedia Bath. £14 standard ticket (pictured bottom right) 20 Million hits on YouTube, Adam Kay plays a piano and sings funny stuff - you may have heard his parody of James Blunt’s ‘You’re Beautiful’ - head down, it’s just like watching YouTube videos in real life, with no adverts

Fifty Fabulous Frocks at the Fashion Museum, Bath.

2 February - 31 December 2013 £7.75 or £16.25 with Roman Baths ticket thrown in

The Krater experience, Saturday 12th October at Komedia Bath. £10 student balcony ticket (and many others)

The Fashion Museum in Bath celebrates its 50th anniversary in 2013 with a special display that will showcase 50 of its most glamorous dresses with the wow factor!

Phil Nichol, Joe Rowntree and Rod Woodward head up Komedia’s weekly comedy extravaganza - a great start to a Saturday night on the town or an escape from those sticky dancefloors. So don your best onesie and brush your hair (people don’t brush their hair anymore do they?)

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Monday 7th October 2013

Fashion on Parade

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Name:Tara Course: 2nd yr Spanish & Russian 1. Tara prefers to get her fashion ideas from people she sees rather than celebrities.

2. “I do and I think everyone does.”

Tara exclaimed that being influenced by trends is basically unavoidable.

Name: Charlotte Course: Msc Mechatronics

3. “I’d choose comfort over fashion.”

1. Fashion magazines and pop culture.

4. Watch your peers for tips, ignore fashion magazines.

2. Not especially, usually I just like to pick strange or unique things.

5. “A big snuggly coat.” We agree.

3. Yes, looking good is important.

4. Follow your instincts.

2

5. “I’d be a coat, because they’re useful.” We think Charlotte would be a pretty pink pashmina, she was just being modest.

3 Name: Holly Course: Final yr Biology 1. “My brother because of his company secret-store.co.uk - plug plug plug.”

2. “Not intentionally, but it’s hard not to absorb them, being constantly exposed.”

Note from the editor

3. “Sometimes, it depends how long before I have to leave the house I wake up.”

4. “Wear clothes unless you don’t want to, but you might get arrested.”

5. “A hat.” she screamed with no hesitation.

Name: Barney Course: 1st yr Civil Engineering

4

We asked these impeccably dressed people the questions below as they sauntered down parade looking hotter than Satan’s hot cakes.

1. Who or what influences your fashion sense

1. Not sure really, I guess everything really.

2. Do you follow trends?

2. “Sometimes I guess.” Barny had clearly swapped his tongue for these sweet clothes.

3. Is it important for you to look good?

3. Yes, looking good is important.

4. Tips for the readers

4. Barny had no tips for the reader, but we think he wanted to advise you to avoid body part trades.

5. If you were an item of clothing, what would you be?

5. “A trench coat - good in all weather.”

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Coffee is a food and so is food: Lily’s gu

For many of us, caffeine is the only thing giving clarity to our day, along with sugar. And w just stick to the chains that are all over the world, Bath is famous for its independent coffe you can feed your addictions to coffee and cake!

Not on the map. Perfectly placed for a stop-off between lectures, the 4W coffee shop serves de and hot chocolates – and they are very reasonably priced and very generous with the marshm

A - Boston Tea Party Boston Tea Party, a chain, might not appear to fit the ethos of this article, but as it’s only in the South-West and a small area of the Midlands, it’s sufficiently small! The Bath branch, on Kingsmead Square, is brilliantly placed -made from scratch every day, really making this different from your standard chain coffee shop!

B - Colonna & Small Colonna & Small’s on Chapel Row is a quality driven specialty espresso shop where you can try single-origin beans from all over the world. It has a cult following and serves in unmistakable blue mugs, and much like Boston Tea Party, has delicious cakes and biscuits for you to enjoy with your caffeine fix.

C - Gillards’ If you enjoyed Colonna and Small’s range of global coffees then get yourself to Gillards’ in the Guildhall Market, where you can buy freshly roasted coffee from a wide range of origins as well as a range of teas of all kinds. While you’re in the Market you can get an espresso, a milkshake, or a photo with Barack Obama at the Time Out Espresso Bar.

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uide to getting high on Caffeine in Bath F - Java Coffee House

while you could ee shops where

The Java Coffee House, near to the Odeon, serves a full range of espresso drinks, including a delicious white chocolate mocha.

elicious coffees mallows!

They also are one of the few cafés to serve cakes with cream cheese frosting (the best kind of frosting there is), and as we get nearer to Christmas you should know that their mince pies are something special.

E - Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Next to the Abbey, the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party is one of the many excellent locations in Bath for watching the world go by. A must visit if you’re an Alice fan or a mathematician to impress (just gen up on your Lewis Carroll knowledge first!), the range of lunch foods and cakes here is second to none!

D - Bertinet Bakery Although more famous for its breads, the Bertinet Bakery has a café upstairs (there is also a branch next to the bus station on Dorchester St) where fantastic coffee and tea are available to savour with your sourdough. The atmosphere in the café is brilliant if you’re a Jane Austen fan, as it feels just like somewhere one of her characters would have dined.

Monday 7th October 2013

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Cloudy with a chance of dreams written by Helen Edworthy

Tap, tap. ‘Oh, God’, you think to yourself, ‘what is that?’

I

Brian Dee

t could be a monster, or a giant rat, or ghosts. Or it could be the creaky pipes rattling in your house.

It could be a giant ball of wool, for all it actually matters. The noise might be people walking outside; the reality is that when it’s dark, it rarely matters what it actually is. At 3am when you’re still wide awake, the noise is now what is actually bothering you. At 3 am, it doesn’t matter what you had for dinner, what you’re going to have for breakfast tomorrow, or even what time you have to be at your lectures in the morning, or where.

If you can’t sleep, all you want is to be able to close your eyes and stop thinking for five seconds; to get away from that familiar endless spiral of ‘why did I do this’ or ‘why did that happen this way’ or ‘oh my god did I remember to switch the cooker off’.

Sleeplessness is an unfortunate side effect of life – or, more accurately, anxiety. Most sleepless nights are the result of a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad month.

Everybody goes through it, but it doesn’t make that awful, painful feeling of burning eyes any easier. If you’re like me (insert standard joke of ‘and I hope to God you aren’t’) then you’ve read everything you can get your hands on, from the ones that tell you to meditate for twenty minutes before sleeping to the ones that tell you not to worry about it, and just find something to amuse yourself until you can actually fall asleep. Despite the help some of them might legitimately provide, it never feels helpful. I wouldn’t blame you for just wishing sleep to you.

The worst part about sleeplessness is the way it not

only affects you there and then, but then how it affects you the rest of the day. When you think about it, sleep is an odd concept; a person dresses themselves up special lying-down clothes so they can hallucinate for five-toeight hours, and we need it in order to function properly. `Not getting sleep is like not getting enough to drink when you’re thirsty; you know you need more of it, and you know what you can do to get it, but the actuality of it remains too far away. Life without sleep feels cloudy and unsure. You can hear what people are saying but your brain wants none of it, and you just want to find the nearest soft place to go and lie down in. The worst part is feeling like you could sleep all day, and then not being able to again the next night. You end up full circle, wondering if you turned the cooker off and waiting for the giant wool-pipe monster to come and eat you once it’s done tapping at the walls and making weird scratchywailing noises. You’d like to sleep for once, and sleep well, so only do you can spend all day walking around and taking notes with your eyes actually able to focus on something.

Some people love the zombie lifestyle, and feel that having a sleep-deprived edge gives them a better focus for things like art, or writing. Some people just want to make a giant hot chocolate, fill it with marshmallows, and flop down onto their beds at a reasonable hour to be able to function the next day. Some people don’t think about it too hard, and manage to be sufficiently awake human beings. As for me? Well; I’ve got tapping to go and listen to.

Academics getting Leary written by Jessica Walsh

Fernz2543

associated with their research.

Despite Leary’s repeated imprisonment during the 1960’s and 1970’s the archives are amazingly intact and are unique in how they capture the psychedelic movement. William Stingone, the New York Library curator described the archives as having “the power to allow all of us to continue to engage with Timothy Leary and his life and his thought”. Leary fought for the freedom of expression and for the love of life, a message that is still very much relevant today.

John Shepherd

phrase “tune on, tune in, drop out”, urging people to explore their inner consciousness and remove the constraints of society. A series of photographs taken at Leary’s Cambridge home show an intimate group tripping session, scratching only the surface of the intense emotions experienced during the experience.

The files not only detail Leary’s life but also include other academics at the forefront of the 1960’s counterculture movement. In one letter addressed to Leary, poet Allan Ginsberg describes his experience with LSD "I lay down and drifted off into a reverie about the origin of the universe which involved the visualisation of a sort of octopus of darkness breaking through out of the primal void”. A series of letters also reveals an attempt

by Leary to secure 100 grams of LSD from Albert Hoffman, the scientist who famously synthesised the chemical. These interactions highlight how those academics on the fringes of what is considered socially acceptable often had to band together against the growing stigma

Killerz2975

M

ost of you will probably have no idea who Timothy Leary actually is. An American scientist, he was once described as “the most dangerous man in America” by President Richard Nixon, a title that certainly takes a lot of work to gain. Thanks to the New York Library, which has recently released Leary’s psychedelic archives to the public, it is possible to gain an insight into the unusual life of the self-proclaimed ‘psychonaut’.

Dennis Barry, a trustee for the Leary estate described the archives as “the missing link in every attempt to piece together an account of research into Timothy Leary and the emergence of scientific research into psychedelic drugs and popular drug counterculture”.

The scientist was infamous for his lead role in promoting the use of psychedelic drugs in psychology studies, notably the Harvard Psilocybin Project which eventually lead to his dismissal from the University. Despite this infamy much secrecy has surrounded Leary’s scientific experiments. The files however contain detailed trip reports given by subjects during the research at Harvard and also contain records of the Concord Prison Experiment, a famous study in which prisoners were dosed with psilocybin in an attempt to alter their perceptions on acceptable behaviour.

An insight is also granted into Leary’s own personal use of psychedelics. The archives, containing over 300 boxes of letters and reports promise to open up the secret world of the scientist who famously coined the

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11

Listen up

Linden Watts’ pick of the best recent singles and albums from the past few months

Boards of Canada - Tomorrow’s Harvest In the seven years between 1995 and 2002, Scottish duo Boards of Canada released arguably the most consistently brilliant 230 minutes of music in Intelligent Dance Music history (a good chunk of it on hallowed Warp Records).

The work rate has slowed, and the quality inevitably returned to Earth since then - eight years have passed since 2005’s beautiful but static full-length The Campfire Headphase (TCH).

Tomorrow’s Harvest is in many ways a reaction to The Campfire Harvest, largely jettisoning pastoral sounds and embracing the sense of uneasiness hinted at throughout their purple patch.

Although not as melodic or emotionally varied as those masterpieces, Tomorrow’s Harvest is arguably Boards of Canada’s most focussed album (soundtracks are a noted influence), and its enticing textures definitely reward repeated listens.

Run the Jewels – Run the Jewels

El-P joined the hip hop pantheon at the close of the 90s as part of Company Flow; so not many would have expected him to be appearing on year-end lists in 2012, thanks to his release Cancer 4 Cure, and particularly his production work on Killer Mike’s R.A.P. Music.

Realising they were on to a good thing, El-P and Killer have reconvened for a victory-lap – themes aren’t as political as on previous releases, and things certainly never get as weird as Cancer 4 Cure; but this is hardly light-hearted. Black humour is the order of the day, as these two compete with each other to deliver hilariously violent boasts over productions that fucking knock. You can download one of the best albums of the year for free at “foolsgoldrecs.com/ runthejewels”, so you don’t really have an excuse not to check this out.

[Run the Jewels play Electric Brixton, London; on 26th November]

Sigur Ros – Kveikur Sigur Ros’ previous album, Valtari, sounded beautiful enough, but suffered from a stillborn second half. So when bassist Kjartan Sveinsson announced his departure it seemed like the death knell for the dynamism of their greatest work.

Those fears are dispelled by the opening track and lead single Brennisteinn, one of Sigur Ros most brutal and brilliant tracks, sounding absolutely like a rebirth. From there the energised three-piece alternate between some of their roughest textures yet alongside more typical Sigur Ros fare (which happen to be more focussed than the bloated duds clogging their other recent albums). Only ‘Yfirborð’ sounds like it could have been omitted; the rest provide a reason to get excited about the next tour.

[Sigur Ros play Wembley Arena, London; on 21st November]

Queens of the Stone Age – …Like Clockwork Them Crooked Vultures, the re-release of a debut and subsequent tour, line-up changes, and four months in hospital following complications during knee surgery that left frontman Josh Homme dead for a short period of time: quite a lot has been happening for Queens of the Stone Age since the uneven Era Vulgaris 6 years ago.

As a veteran band, this doesn’t mean there’s any drastic changes to their style, but it has renewed inspiration – Homme’s most personal lyrics yet and a varied but consistent set of songs make this Queens of the Stone Age’s best record since Songs for the Deaf. ‘Keep Your Eyes Peeled’ pales beside previous openers, but from then it’s a home run. There’s everything you want from a QOTSA record: atmosphere, a bit of venom, lots of sex, narrative, Sabbath-style guitar heroism, and a few stone-cold killers like ‘Smooth Sailing’. Their return couldn’t be better timed, with UK darlings Arctic Monkeys releasing the second best Queens of the Stone Age album of the year.

[Queens of the Stone Age play Wembley Arena, London; on 23rd November]

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Mary McCoy

Simon and Garfunkelyrics

Simon and Garfunkel, two of the greatest lyricists of our time, or just a couple of dudes in a puzzle - Alex discusses the essences of lyricism below

W

Mike Mantin

ith the music industry now more than ever driven to appeal to the lowest common denominator rather than gaining attention for artistic merit, complex lyrics have unsurprisingly been shafted in favour of the repetitive. See Nicki Minaj’s ode to the intricacies of inter-female rivalry, “Stupid Hoe”. (You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe [x27]). For the lovers of some good old fashioned musical storytelling, there’s a big bright world of lyrical genius out there, above and beyond Miss Minaj’s acid-and-bubblegum flavoured brand of super-pop. The point of my writing this article however, in keeping with bite’s theme this week of clarity versus cloudiness, is that clear lyrics don’t necessarily have to mean simple lyrics.

The music world recently exploded, to varying degrees, with jubilation at the onset of the Arctic Monkey’s latest effort, the 12 track LP AM. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend taking all of the deluge of praise directed at songwriterfrontman Alex Turner too seriously (the NME suggest he was “channelling the spirit of John Lennon”. Ahem.) It is undeniably an excellent record with some deceptively clever lyrics that never ask you to break the bank on a copy of the

The Shins’ James Mercer repping it

Oxford English Dictionary. On “Arabella”, he croons: “My days end best when this sunset gets itself/Behind that little lady sitting on the passenger side/It’s much less picturesque without her catching the light/The horizon tries but it’s just not as kind on the eyes” Alex you are such a sweetie. For something a little further from the spotlight, dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip released the fantastic “Thou Shalt Always Kill” back in 2007, essentially a blunt dissection of modern youth culture and music.

“Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice.” Alright, it’s hardly floor-filler material, but it says exactly what it wants to say and actually has a point, and it’s great to see that you can still find intelligent lyrics outside of the staple Springsteen-esque acoustic rock.

“

There are songs that aren’t meant to be

understood

”

One thing that straight-up lyrics will always lack, however, is the ability to make you really think about the music itself. Whilst clarity is wonderful for that moment of connection that comes with music you can sympathise with, it can be a shallower experience without the mystery and depth of complex, layered song writing.

I’m a major advocate of Thom Yorke’s writing for Radiohead, particularly the earlier years. “Fake Plastic Trees”, the third single from The Bends (1995) is a pensive and undeniably beautiful collection of musings from a broken heart.

It’s not a simple song to understand, with heavy themes of both frustration at materialistic society, and the heart-pangs of unrequited love, without ever tackling either subject head on. “She lives with a broken man/A cracked polystyrene man /Who just crumbles and burns”. But it’s a heartfelt and honest attempt to convey emotions that perhaps even Yorke

Alterner2

Written by Alex Philpotts

Tom Yorke - Fake plastic THESE! did not fully understand at the time of writing. Life is difficult and complicated, and it can require a layered song to truly engage such multifaceted and complex emotional issues, in order to convey a meaning.

I would be amiss not to throw an acoustic track in here; reflective song writing has been the stomping ground of alternative music since Simon and Garfunkel, and one of the most talented, if a little inaccessible, musicians writing today is The Shins’ James Mercer. On 2001 single New Slang, he murmurs: “I’m looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find/without a trust or flaming fields, am I too dumb to refine?” These lyrics are brutally honest and showcase the intimacy that honest music can deliver, drawing on Mercer’s own fears and self-doubts, it’s beautiful to listen to. Check it out.

My objective in writing wasn’t really to try and sell one form of song writing or the other, and of course the music you listen to is going to depend on your own state of mind, but don’t dismiss an artist because they’re lyrics are too difficult or too unsophisticated. There are songs that aren’t meant to be understood, but the beauty is in the trying.

There’s also some fantastic music out there on face value, don’t dismiss it.

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bite film

Do we have any control?

I

t’s clear how much we need the internet.

We use it for work, for university, for fun, for communication and for fighting the loneliness when you’re too lazy to use your imagination. The U.N. went so far as to describe access to the internet as a human right and if the internet were to collapse overnight, shitty Sci-Fi writers would be almost completely out of subject matter.

What’s not so clear, however, is how it all works. Do you know who owns the information you gladly upload every day? Do you know what those people are allowed to do with it? We’re the internet generation, we’re using and being used by the internet all the time with little idea of its effects, and this is what In Real Life seeks to expose. The film, by director Beeban Kidron, explores the lives of several British teenagers and how the internet is changing the way that they act, grow up and interact. The interviews conducted with the teenagers are equal parts shocking and revealing. One young girl was so invested in her phone and saw it so key to her life that she willingly traded sexual acts for a new one and would put her own safety behind her desire to keep the phone.

A teenage boy also talked incredibly openly and insightfully about his addiction to internet pornography, the effect that it was having on his relationships and his, now slightly sociopathic, view of women. Kidron is a very skilful

interviewer and is able to get the teenagers to open up about incredibly difficult topics and reveal, perhaps even to them for the first time, the incredible influence the internet is having on their formative years.

Moving on, the film begins to study the little understood infrastructure of the internet, as well as the companies behind the sites and products that teenagers use every day. This section is slightly hit and miss and contains my main criticisms of the film as sometimes the otherwise very coherent structure is slightly lost. The analysis of the construction and development is very insightful, portraying the real world consequences and cost of development, whilst also portraying how rapidly the internet has grown to an almost uncontrollable size. However, whilst the discussion of the companies behind this growth is intended to highlight how differently we treat online brands to those in real life and the implications this can have (“if there is no obvious product, then you are the product”), at times it risks straying into the realms of scaremongering about capitalism.

The film is very well made and Kidron is a talented storyteller and as she said in the Q&A that followed, she wanted to start a discussion rather than provide explicit answers. From that perspective In Real Life is most certainly a success and it is very unlikely you will use Facebook in the same way after seeing this film.

beltz6

Written by Tom Gane

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam and also, be careful on the internet

A film that revs our Ben-gine Written by Ben Cochrane

epSos.de

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We thought Cars couldn’t be topped (Kachaow) but Ben’s seen the chequered flag

ost motorsport films are shit. It is accepted across the world. This is because the only draw is the cars rather than the script or direction - the things that actually makes a film. Looking at cars is good, very good. I, like many 40-year-old teenagers, spend most of my time looking at cars let alone driving them. You may think this is sad, if you do you can fuck right off – I hope you, ironically, get hit by a car.

Like many car films, I got excited by the trailer as there were lots of quick cuts consisting of little more than lines of colour and loud noises, indicating cars. Cars can be a big part of films and can be used successfully, but when the whole film is about cars, invariably it’s shit. And most of them are made in Hollywood too, and most Hollywood films are shit enough already. RUSH however is different.

Not only is it an independent film, there are two main draws: The cars and the battle between the two protagonists, James Hunt and Niki Lauder, for the 1976 Formula 1 World Championship. If you don’t know this is probably the most famous battle in F1 history, primarily because Niki Lauder crashed his car and sustained terrible burns to the head and face. And what could be more interesting than two men risking their lives in the pursuit of speed and ultimately, glory.

This is not the only reason why RUSH is incredible. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) is fantastic as the quintessentially English playboy James Hunt with the token golden locks and the tantalising good looks. Niki Lauda is played per-

fectly by Daniel Bruhl (Inglorious Basterds). I saw him in Inglorious Basterds and was impressed, but halfway through this I forgot I was watching Daniel Bruhl and was convinced I was watching Niki Lauda. Every mannerism, every syllable was immaculate. He was so good, even Niki Lauda was impressed.

The script is intelligent, moving and incredibly witty and to be honest, I didn’t expect anything less from Peter Morgan, the genius behind The Queen and the hilarious The Audience, who writes informative historical plays and hilarious imagined conversations that take place behind closed doors. I’ve always liked director Ron Howard. A Beautiful Mind is fantastically directed, Frost/Nixon is fascinating and Apollo 13 defined my space-obsessed childhood. But he sometimes can be a bit boring. This is not the case in RUSH as the racing scenes are choreographed beautifully and even more entertaining than watching F1 on the TV. Some of the shots are so good you can really sympathise what terrifying experiences the drivers had to go through and sometimes it’s so convincing that some of the audience winced to within an inch of their lives.

The cars used to shoot the film most of which are the actual cars that were raced at the time help this too and provide a bit more car pornography for the male gender. There.

RUSH is the motorsport film that grown up boys have been looking for, for years. But even if you are not an F1 fan, there is still more substance in RUSH than almost any other film you will see for a while.

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Monday 7th October 2013

bite facebook.com/bathimpact Daffodils by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o’er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed--and gazed--but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.

Wordsworth - what a pleb! written by John Barlow

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illiam Wordsworth is one of England’s national treasures; along with Coleridge he helped launch the Romantic age in English literature with the publication of Lyrical ballads in 1798. This movement focused heavily on the reclamation of our natural heritage and was a reaction to the strong sense of nationalism created by the industrial revolution.

The Romantic Movement produced some of the most beautiful poetry written in the English language and eventually led the way towards a more social and liberal ruling elite and so all its members hold a strong place in my heart. Yet, despite the fact that we owe so much to Wordsworth I still can’t force myself to believe he is a good poet. There is no denying that his poetry is pretty… his verse is well structured and rarely disjointed resulting in his poetry practically falling off the tongue, his topics are very agreeable and his use of language paints a pretty picture on the mind.

All in all Wordsworth is a very pleasant poet … and boring. So very, very boring. I imagine reading his poetry is like walking into the adolescent dreams of Alan Titchmarsh. The most famous poem of Wordsworth “daffodils” is about reminiscence and the beauty of nature, with its profound ability to touch us when we

least expect it… Well it’s meant to be, however I’m not sure it really is. The final stanza “For oft, when on my couch I lie/ In vacant or in pensive mood,/ They flash upon that inward eye/ Which is the bliss of solitude;/ And then my heart with pleasure fills,/ And dances with the daffodils.“ plunges all his beautiful imagery into a tea party with my grandmother, “ yes ranny I’m sure you did like walking, Oh you saw a squirrel in the garden, how nice!”

Now should be the time for true thought and feeling, a few stanza’s focusing on the effect of such a beauteous sight, but what do we get, “I think about it a lot, it makes me happy, daffodils are pretty sweet ya know” which seems to miss the essence of the matter and I can’t help but think, what’s the point. I don’t care if you had a nice day Wordsworth. In fact that’s not true, I would care if you had a nice day if you have anything but nice days but you don’t. you’re the most frustratingly pleasant writer I’ve ever read, writing this is like reprimanding a racist geriatric and I feel bad, I shouldn’t but I do. Have a poem.

I pondered lonely as a cow That quotes on high o’er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a shroud, A post, of golden daffodils; Beside the Bake, beneath the flees, muttering and humping in the breeze. … etc

Monday 7th October 2013

bite

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Sex Column: Anti-sex: lukeguy on guy shy warm blooded written by bite’s anti-sex columnist

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Two purple dudes discuss the implications of them kissing, after having had sex

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ry-sexuality: The new double standard. It seems like a fairly standard university ritual that many students go through: a few drinks here and there, a chance to experiment and ‘find yourself’, and suddenly getting with the opposite sex to get a free shot doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

However, this new trend has further blurred the lines between sexualities – whether you can label yourself gay, straight or bisexual – and has made this confusing part of students’ lives that much more complicated. Thus has emerged the new sexuality of the ‘trysexual’. But what is ‘try-sexuality’? Is it merely just a play on words? Is it just a fancy way of saying sexual freedom and experimentation, or a true sexuality in itself, just as homosexuality, bisexuality or heterosexuality? And how is it different for both men and women, or people that cannot identify with either? It seems that in this modern day and age, it is a customary attribute to a drunken night out – a bit of girl on girl action.

But have you ever seen two boys getting off for the sake of it? Hoping that a girl will buy him a drink if he does? Didn’t think so. In general, it seems that women are presented with more options to be flexible with their gender roles and

can experiment without seeming to be typecast as ‘gay’. Take Alex Reid for example (not a great example, I’ll admit). When the photos hit the tabloids of him in drag with some of his mates for a lads’ night out, there was immediate speculations to undermine his masculinity, suggesting that he’s a ‘tranny’ or a ‘poof’. After all, any bloke who says he’s a ‘try-sexual’, even one who doesn’t wear a ladies’ corset and hold ups. But who grants this kind of attention when girls get it on? After all, Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed A Girl’ was a worldwide hit – and a song that many girls could relate to.

Perry never labelled herself as a ‘trysexual’, but if she did it would have probably been treated as a positive attribute to her confidence and ballsiness.

This label seems to be an empowerment for women and their new assertive sexuality – enhancing their femininity rather than questioning it. So, for girls, pretending to be a lesbian simply means that you’re taking control of your sexuality and using it to your advantage. For guys, pulling a stunt like that while everything we do and think is controlled by these gender-double-standards will get you kicked out of rugby club and signed up to cheerleading.

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aradise lost, I’m a true believer that relationships are a pure social construction, if look you look through history there is too much evidence to even suppose that what we class as an acceptable relationship is anything but a construction. This in no way lessens the importance of relationships; as it is our ability to socially construct which truly separates us from animals.

An animal will never create a moral code, you can train them to obey rules we set out, but naturally they live by their base desires. There is no denying that relationships can be beautiful and can mean so much more than just sex, the sheer fact that we can form close relationships of an intimate nature without the immediate thought of procreation is truly a marvellous human achievement.

The act of sex itself is now removed in so many ways from its initial aim, to procreate. Yet still the biological need for children, the act of reaching sexual maturity is what sets us all off down the road of what intimacy will hold for us in later life no matter the destination.

So what I want to explore is: when does sexual intimacy become an aim in life?

Not an aim in the sense of a life aim, but as a short term aim; it’s an odd question to be sure. For me at least it probably happened around the age of 15-16. I’m not sure if that’s the same age as every other guy, or girl for that matter… I mean we defiantly joked about it before, we thought from TV that it was some

kind of rite of passage, and conversations about anything of a sexual nature where fraught with nervous looks, desperately seeking validation from a friend “I think I should want to have sex with her right?” things of that ilk. Even after hitting the first stages of puberty any action my body showed towards the opposite sex came out more in unexpected bouts than in any directed desire. Which was fun. After puberty and the period of shock and surprise that inevitably follows, for a couple of years sex was all I really thought about, or at least things that would more likely get me laid; like music, sports, or having a troubled past (if you love your kids you should ensure they’ll be troubled!) Even now after calming down somewhat I feel like there is something wrong if I don’t have sex once every month or so…

I don’t want children any time soon, I don’t lack friends or family and I’m not looking for a relationship, but still the feeling pervades, so it would seem the need for physical intimacy is hardwired into my brain, as I feel it is for everyone.

During university you will encounter some of the most sexually promiscuous people you will ever meet, as these are the first few years away from the physical objects blocking your desires. Of course people will sleep around at university, just like any desire or addiction you have to have your fill before you wind down. So I implore you, go out and fuck until you wish to fuck no more… what’s the worst that could happen?

e3ooo

cloudyfan

written by bite’s sex columnist

Getting back on the horse, or iguana even; it’s hard to decieve iguana peers

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Monday 7th October 2013

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Horoscopes

Puzzle Corner

 Aquarius January 21 - February 19

Sudoku

Once every 200 years, it is this day and all these planets we didn’t know about blocked things, especially all the suns, and yay, it was black and everyone got eaten, but only those born between these dates. And

 Aries

Pisces



February 20 - March 20

March 21 - April 20

What’s a fishwife?

This month is going to be one of mystery, you’ll drop your keys and in a foolishly rash attempt to pick them up you’ll accidentally bury a squirrel alive. Nice one.

 Taurus

April 21 - May 20

There is someone behind you, don’t look now… you’ll be fine, honestl.. Look, just don’t panic.

He will spare your life if you eat this entire issue of bite now. GO.

 Gemini

Dogsearch

May 21 - June 20

Have you ever been born in a different month? If so, look at the corresponding horoscope. Sincerely.

May 21st to June 20th

 Cancer

June 21 - July 21

Today you will find an expensive watch, the back of which is engraved with a set of specific co-ordinates and a date, written in Roman numerals. Be in the right place at the right time and do not step on the Roman raths. Tell no-one.

 Leo

July 22 - August 22 You fortunes are constantly changing and you feel nothing is settled and you are often alone.

Perhaps the purchasing of a soft infant animal will change this. If you can’t afford one, Sainsbury’s 70 cl own brand vodka is £10 a bottle. £20 cheaper than your average dog.

In this week’s box of fun, we’d like you to draw a detailed characature of a relative, send it to us with an actualy picture (for comparison) The winner wins a fruit basket, for WINNERS!

 Virgo

August 23 - September 22

Fairty godmothers are hard to come by, said Al Pacino when he was hired as the Godfather part II – but your fairy godmother may appear in a human disguise asking for a small loan of £500 pounds, give and give unquestioningly. She may also be a man called Ben in his late twenties

 Libra

September 23 - October 22

Sometimes, people make a war. Don’t know what it’s for; say you’ll stop the war. Business.



 Scorpio

October 23 - November 21

Sagittarius

She doesn’t love you

November 22 - December 21 bathimpact, Univ of Bath, Claverton Down, Bath, BA2 7AY

or post it at 1E 3.12

You crave a fresh start, every time you have shower the water turns into milk, which bodes ill because you’re lactose intolerant, you find you either always smell like shit or rotting milk and people keep leaving rotten fruit in your bed. Is there a solution? Crunchy nut cornflakes in the shower and a smoothy machine in your bed. You’re welcome James.



Capricorn

December 22 - January 20

Of course you could go to the animal shelter, but nobody wants a puppy with baggage. If confused, see Leo.

by Reliable Helicopter Artist