BBM Magazine Issue 611 by bbmlive.com

CONTENTS ISSUE 611

The Cover

Review

COLE AS ICE - 6 We’re sure Cheryl Cole can f nd work doing what she does best, standing there looking pretty. We hear Geordie Shore is casting season two?

LADY GAGA - 18 BBM couldn’t believe how well Madonna captured her old sound in her latest album, until we realised it was Lady Gaga’s Born This Way.

Regulars

Interview

Sport

EMMURE - 12 Having postponed their highly anticipated January Tour of Australia, New York’s most notorious live metal band are f nally visiting our shores.

GAME, SEPP AND MATCH - 72 Once again the power of the dark side proved too powerful for the easily-bought representatives of FIFA as Sepp Blatter is re-elected as president.

6 12 16 18 20 22 26 28 32 36 40 46 48 54 56 60 64 65 65 66 74

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GOSSIP INTERVIEWS WRAP REVIEWS SOAPS UK NEWS IRISH NEWS WORLD NEWS SYDNEY MELBOURNE WINTER BREAKS PERTH QUEENSLAND RECRUITMENT CLASSIFIEDS HOSTEL LISTINGS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES SCOREBOARD SPORT

BBM MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon

john.mcmahon@what-media.com

EDITOR Ben Harlum

ben.harlum@what-media.com

SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby

richard.gadsby@what-media.com

UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir

hannah.shakir@what-media.com

CONTRIBUTORS Jeremy Williams, David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Robin Lewis, James Stapleton, Sinead O’ Shaughnessy, Des Penny and Renee Van Kraanen Photography INTERNS Alex McIntyre, Jeffrey Greiner, Pat McGuire, Melanie Gagneux, Amy Bloemendaal and Sian Gammie WORK EXPERIENCE Imogen Hargreaves HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard

design@what-media.com

WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber

ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin ADVERTISING Joe Smith joe.smith@what-media.com

Alex Williams alex.williams@what-media.com

Dave Hudson Laura Doonin

PO Box 784, QVB, NSW 1230 P: (02) 8231 7700 F: (02) 9299 4966

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ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS MANAGER Tom Shakir

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GOSSIP CHERYL GIVEN THE COLE SHOULDER IT’S gone from bad to worse for incomprehensible Geordie jizz-magnet Cheryl Cole. After being booted off the US version of Britain’s Got Pop Factor Idol for starting every sentence with “howay the lads!” and “PJ’s gone blind!”, the sexy Byker Grove graduate skulked back to Tyneside to f nd she can’t even get a job on the UK version. Ah canna believe it pet!

support’,” added Take That homosexual Gary Barlow, a judge on the UK show. “She’s a good friend of mine. I’m disappointed she’s gone.”

“It looks like she has been done over,” said one UK friend, which apparently is not a reference to the Photoshopped image of Cheryl BBM keeps under the bed.

So as the Daily Mirror asked this week, ‘where next for Cheryl?’ One option could be a move into the movie industry, with the Toon totty being offered roles in no less than three different f lms this week.

“I sent Cheryl some texts just saying, ‘sending

The bad news is they’re all from BBM.

ROB’S KNOB TROUBLES POOR rich ponce Robbie Williams. Turns out his sex-god persona was all an act. We knew it! He didn’t put out once when we went over. Williams, who married nobody Ayda Field last year, has been injecting himself with a sex hormone twice a week after he was told he had the libido of a 100-year-old. The drug is usually used by older men to stop the ageing process but Robbie will be using it to pump his already inf ated cock up. Here’s to hoping it bursts. “It has changed my life. I feel I’m getting a second wind,” he said as he cracked a fart on Ayda’s head.

GWEN CAN YOU START? DOWN-TO-EARTH ex-actor Gwyneth Paltrow and her jaundiced husband Chris Martin just want their kids to have a normal life. That’s why they called them Apple and Moses. Great start. The pair are looking for a private tutor to teach their children from their home in Belsize Park. Of course this person must be multi-lingual, f uent in Greek, Latin, French and Spanish, able to play

BARMY bohemian and leather pant enthusiast Russell Brand is really set on upsetting the general public by starring in another movie. This time with titty wife Katy Perry. No one knows what the movie is just yet but the pair are set to play a married couple. How romantic. If they’re anything like the married couple they play in real life, the movie should be dull, unimaginative and unbelievable. BBM really does miss the days when the old chav was fucking everything with a pulse and smacking on each day. While dressed as Osama Bin Laden.

IT seems that wannabe pom David Hasselhoff still fancies himself an actor. Bless. The Hoff is scheduled to reprise his famous role (that no one knew he did) as Captain Hook in a Peter Pan panto. According to theatre bosses, the show is expected to be a sell-out now that the Baywatch Grandpa has come on board. “I’ve been spending a great deal of time in the UK, it feels like my second home,” said the Hoff. “Fuck off,” said the UK.

two instruments and be sporty. Let’s be honest, a f ve-year-old who can’t speak Latin is just an embarrassment. “You never know when your kid will be transported back in time to ancient Rome and asked to read the Old Testament aloud or be executed,” said Chris as he peeked outside his bubble.

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GOSSIP

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE ARTICULATIONS, BABY

WANNABE white-guy Sean “Diddy” Combs has hired an etiquette coach. You can only bust a cap in so many asses before people think you’re downright rude. The hired help has been teaching Bad Boy Records staff how to hold wine glasses, use chopsticks, eat caviar and use dinnerware. Puff claims that it’s all a part of his new formal training system for new employees. “I thought we were gunna learn how to rub people out and show our gang colours, man. I need to know how to say ‘mother fucker’ and accessorise with all this bling!” said one employee as he sipped his chardonnay.

SPOKESPERSON for giant foreheads, Rihanna, has come under f re for her new video, in which the singer (pictured) guns down a man in retaliation for an apparent rape. The Parents Television Council called on the American network BET to stop airing the video, claiming that “If Chris Brown shot a woman in his new video and BET premiered it, the world

would stop. Rihanna should not get a pass.”

TEENAGE closet-case Justin Bieber has introduced his girlfriend, Selena Gomez to his extended family. Yes, this is news. According to someone or other “Justin and Selena had lunch with Justin’s cousins and his aunt and uncle. They were really sweet and make an adorable couple.” And then BBM threw up in our mouths a little. Selena, who spent last weekend introducing the Biebs to her family in Texas, spent time with Justin’s grandparents and his mother Patti Malette. “Whatever,” said Biebs, “she let me slip two f ngers in after that.”

While we’re at it, if Jay-Z released a song called Boys Run the World, he’d be branded as sexist. So why does that fool Beyonce get away with Girls Run the World, possibly the worst song in the world? Rihanna asked on Twitter, “What’s up with everybody wantin me to be a parent?” Because everybody wants you to go away, that’s why.

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GOSSIP SHE’S GOT A LIVELY SET! WE’RE going to be honest here. We don’t really care who they’re of, as long as no one takes them down off the internet before we get our printer working. Blake Lively from Gossip Girl still maintains that the naked photos of her are not her. Hollywood is all, “But your face is in them,” and Serena from Gossip Girl is all “yeah but it’s not me.” Well, that’s what we thought she said. It’s hard to understand her when she mumbles. BBM was more concerned about the extreme nipple close up. It reeked of a breast-feeding pamphlet. “She totally stole that off me,” whined Miranda Kerr.

AMY’S WINE TIME FORMER toothless git and septum bully Amy Winehouse (pictured, left) has left rehab after only seven days in treatment. The serial fuck-up was “raring to go” after checking out of rehab clinic The Priory. According to London, Amy’s Dad, Mitch, sent her inside over concerns that she was drinking before shows. BBM was sort of under the impression that she couldn’t sing otherwise. “I’m f ne, Dad. See? No track marks,” she said as she injected into her eyeball.

BECK FOR ANOTHER IN another story from the f le of “Things To Make BBM’s Balls Jump Back In,” David Beckham has been talking about getting his knob tattooed. We’ve done some pretty odd things with our todger in the past but taking to it with a vibrating needle is not one of them. David Beckham told Craig Ferguson on The Late Late

Show he’s already got “30 or 31” tattoos. We f gured he’d just been wearing a faded, multicoloured shirt for the past f ve years.

LINDSAY Lohan has been ordered to serve 35 days of conf nement in her LA home. That sounds like suitable punishment for someone charged with stealing a necklace. LiLo plans of using the time to “express herself” after buying numerous canvases and paints before surrendering herself to sit of her ass for a month. Lohan is also apparently reading scripts and coming up with a master plan for her career, or whatever is left of it. Lindsay must also complete 480 hours of community service at the LA County Morgue, which she claims to be “enjoying.” No word whether she’s found her career at the morgue yet.

COURTNEY Love this week stated that she declined an offer to design for Topshop, in great news for pretty much everybody. The singer met the fashion store mogul, Sir Phillip Green, in Cannes, as their boats were next to each other. Hard life right? Love talked in depth to Green regarding her collection she announced in 2009. According to Love (pictured) the line consisted of “cotton-ribbed body suits”, “cashmere harem pants” and “stitching a ruby into every outf t”. Isn’t Love supposed to be clean? Those monstrosities sound like something you’d create from a bad acid trip.

After asking if he’d ever got one “on his business” Ferguson said, “I was thinking of getting one on mine ... let’s go together!” Oddly, we’d sort of like to see that video.

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INTERVIEW BAD MANNERS

It’s been a while betwe en visits for ska fans, over as Buster Bloodv but the wait is essel and his band Ba d Manners are set to return to Australia for the f rst time in ten yea rs. BBM caught up with Buster as he tou red America before f ying Down Under.

a white ng the insane man in You are known for bei 80’s? the ce sin n wed dow jumpsuit, have you slo t I can’t really explain. tha rgy ene ive los exp I used to have an zy, the more it more the crowd go cra The crazy thing is, the g applies today. thin e sam the berserk and makes me want to go to go wild you me ng agi side and encour If the crowd is on my Buster Bloodvessel will of f sel er inn zy cra can be sure that the come over you.

outside of only perform shows You have chosen to n? isio dec t tha de ma England, why have you d to for years we have trie but n isio dec d ate It is a complic e is that when we hav we m ble pro the keep all fronts working, land. Then a 2 week nths in advance in Eng accept a show six mo couldn’t accept it. we and le e on the tab tour of Brazil would com in the UK and to ws to stop accepting sho So it was my decision because the rest d lan Eng e sid out ts marke concentrate on all the icted to Bad Manners. of the world are as add Tour Dates: bane June 15th: Step Inn, Bris ick Club, Melbourne nsw Bru t Eas h: 16t e Jun Hotel, Sydney June 18th: Annandale tel, Fremantle Ho ort wp Ne June 19th:

r image to you? How important is you to get is the inner me trying lly rea It . ego My image is my alter large tongue a r, hai no ing hav t ught tha out, but we always tho k out like a sore y would make me stic and larger than life bod thumb.

INTERVIEW

emmure

BBM’S JEFFREY GREINER caught up with Dave Goode from Australia’s premier house / electro group to discuss their blockbuster album, Destination Now, which is available now. You released the new album this year. It’s been a couple of years since you released Felony, how’s the response been? The response has been good. We were super happy the whole time writing and performing it. We really couldn’t be more satisf ed with what we’ve got going on. Is it hard compiling the setlist now with the new material? Actually, it’s not. We play about anything from four to six new tracks

in a setlist and in our gigs coming up in Australia we’ll be playing songs we haven’t played live before, so that’s pretty good. How does the vibe change when you go from a Warped Tour set to smaller shows like the Australian tour? It’s amazing, the f rst Australian tour was epic and amazing, the crowds were great. A year and a half later we’ve got a new album and a new string of followers, it’s 200 to 600 capacity venues and everybody’s going to be going nuts right in front of us. It’s always a rewarding feeling playing for the dedicated fans. Assorted Tour Dates: June 10th: Gold Coast June 11th: Brisbane June 12th: Sydney June 17th: Adelaide June 18th: Melbourne (Early and Late Shows) June 19th: Perth (Early and Late Shows) BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

INTERVIEW saraH mcleod

d singer The ex-SuperJesus lea a Harley has just signed up as or, as Davidson ambassad the well as heading around uster tour. country for a blockb GEN She called BBM’S IMO cuss. HARGREAVES to dis You’re the new Harley you f rst ambassador, when did bikes? in ted res inte e becom t? Well, I know! How great is tha since I was I’ve been riding bikes I got a little about probably eight, lly just PeeWee 50 and I gradua e I got a new sort of went, each tim bigger bike I just got bigger and riding and bigger and now I’m any bigger Harleys. It doesn’t get than that! ite place in Where’s your favour the country to ride? Adelaide You know, probably in Adelaide Hills. I love riding in the

ners aren’t Hills, because the cor uresque. pict ly real it’s and as tight re and when It’s so beautiful up the ecially you go to a corner, esp , you can when you’re on a cruiser side, the end see right to the other of the corner. tour, what With your upcoming about? ited exc st mo you are to be py hap I’m nt me mo At the in. I’ve aga ent rum inst an playing s of singing been doing a lot of gig versions in clubs, singing remix actually of my songs, so I haven’t and done a gone out on the road about f ve proper national tour for ited to be years. I’m just really exc in. a proper musician aga t of a Do you miss being par rking wo oy enj you do or band ? ntly nde epe ind re mo d with a I miss being on the roa they’re like a group of guys, cause sweet little family. Assorted Tour Dates: June 11th: Newtown June 12th: Cronulla June 24th: Brisbane July 7th: Newcastle

INTERVIEW

stonefield

“We don’t want people to look at us for the wrong reasons.” Stonef eld may be one of the youngest bands on the circuit, but they are not going to let their age get in the way. Nor will the four sisters from the Victoria Hills let the fact that they are attractive girls affect their sound... Second eldest sibling, Hannah, is happy to elaborate on their main issue. “People just think that girls can’t be tough when they play music.” Having grown up listening to their parents’ record collection, Amy, Hannah, Sarah and Holly fell in love with the seventies rock that moved their parents. So, when a music teacher moved in next door, the girls picked different instruments and set about practicing together. Soon enough Stonef eld was born and it fell to eldest sister Amy to delve inside herself and pen some lyrics. While Amy believes the reason for the responsibility that landed on her shoulders can be summed up simply as, “I just have the most life experience.” As Amy remains modest about her abilities, her youngest sister Holly determinedly sets the record

straight. Giggling uncontrollably, she admits “we have all tried writing the words, but we just aren’t any good at it, so we leave it to Amy.” With a lot of sisterly love on display, it appears there is little rivalry for attention in the Stonef eld camp. Instead, there is a shared vision of changing perceptions. Sure, they may be young, pretty and girly but that doesn’t mean that their music needs to be. As if to assert the point, Amy conf rms that they are “fun, heavily inf uenced by seventies rock obviously, young, tough,” before Sarah slips in, “we don’t want to be girly at all.” Stonef eld play the Ding Dong Lounge on June 10, Enmore Theatre on August 6, and Glastonbury back in the UK inbetween! Interview and Image by Jeremy Williams

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THE WRAP SAVE the date! Parklife is back for another year, with the lineup announced on June 16th. Melbourne: September 24th Perth: September 25th Brisbane: October 1st Sydney: October 2nd Adelaide: October 3rd

VOICE of the True Blood theme song, Jace Everett, visits Australia for the very f rst time in August on his Bad Things, Good Times tour. Sydney: August 18th, 19th, 21st Melbourne: August 23rd

THE f rst winner of the Red Bull Bedroom Jam, Matt Casey, will broadcast a performance live from his bedroom on Thursday evening. It will be streamed live online. When: 5pm, Thursday June 9th Where: redbullbedroomjam.com.au

WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE

FILM

1 2 3

$15

PIRATES 4

$19

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS

HANGOVER 2

£10

PIRATES 4

£5

£20

WHIMPY KID 2

£1

1 2 3 1 2 3

HANGOVER 2

$86

$118

KUNG FU PANDA 2

$48

$53

PIRATES 4

$40

$153

A U S T R A L I A

T H E U K

A M E R I C A

$ IN MILLIONS HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE

MUSIC

1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3

LAST WEEK

LMFAO

GIVE ME EVERYTHING

PITBULL

ROLLING IN THE DEEP

ADELE

PARTY ROCK ANTHEM

PITBULL

BRUNO MARS

THE LAZY SONG

I NEED A DOLLAR

ALOE BLACC

GIVE ME EVERYTHING

ADELE

PITBULL

KATY PERRY

ROLLING IN THE DEEP GIVE ME EVERYTHING E.T.

A U S T R A L I A

T H E U K

A M E R I C A

COMPETITIONS FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.

FROM the heart of Cuba, to four sell-out seasons BBM is thrilled to give away a gold package to one lucky reader. The gold package includes: in London’s West End and playing to packed houses all over the world, the smash-hit Cuban dance spectacular Havana Rakatan f nally comes A Two-Course Dinner for Two Two Interval Drinks to Sydney. An Opera House Tour and Two tickets to see Havana Rakatan on Taking over the Opera Theatre for a high-energy opening night, June 8th. season in June, Havana Rakatan is a sexy feelgood show that unleashes a Cuban heatwave of live music from 7-piece band Turquino and Cuba’s To win this prize (worth over $400), visit bbmlive.com/competitions.html hottest dancers, who embody the passion and party spirit of the Caribbean’s most musical island.

THE Rock returned to the WWE to host the blockbuster Wrestlemania 27, making his presence felt in the John Cena vs. The Miz main event.

DON’T sit down, not because we moved your chair but because the Arctic Monkeys release their highly anticipated fourth album Suck It And See.

Other matches include The Undertaker vs. Triple H and CM Punk vs. Randy Orton.

To celebrate the new album’s release, BBM is giving away three pize packs: Limited Edition vinyl plus the back catalogue: Whatever You Think I Am That’s What I’m Not, Favourite Worst Nightmare and Humbug.

BBM has f ve copies of the threedisc special edition DVD to give away (which is in stores now).

WITH four sizzling hot volumes already under its belt, the RAW series comes storming back for another year with the actionpacked f fth compilation & tour in the series, RAW 2011. BBM has a bunch of RAW 2011 CD’s to give away.

TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM 16

THIS week we have one of the best competitions to date courtesy of Snorkel Safari Sydney. Up for grabs are two double passes for a Mission Impossible Snorkel Safari. Take a ride on a Snorkel Scooter and get a glimpse of a side to Sydney most people don’t ever get to see.

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REVIEWS LADY GAGA

ALBUM

Born This Way

RELEASED

RATING

Available Now

In Stores & Digitally

BH: BEN HARLUM, JW: JEREMY WILLIAMS, AM: ALEX McINTYRE

BRIDESMAIDS CAST

Kristen Wiig Rose Byrne

DIRECTOR

RELEASED

Paul Feig

June 16

(Freaks and Geeks)

Rose Byrne (who knew she was so funny?) that are highlights - their plane trip to Vegas will have you crying with laughter (and that’s without mentioning Wiig’s impression of a penis).

Rather than toeing the eighties electro line, Gaga has pushed the boat out and gone ‘90s Europop.

LADY GAGA is nothing more than a mere popstar. This is far from an insult, in fact more of a backhanded compliment in my eyes.

I must note that many of the album’s tracks would have been mere f llers on her previous effort as opposed to singles (Hair, The Edge Of Glory, Judas), while the stomping Americano has to date been overlooked.

Having grown more than tired of the relentless publicity drive that has built up to what will no doubt be 2011’s highest grossing release (we all know Adele deserves it), it was a pleasant surprise to discover that Born This Way was far from f awless.

While not as strong as its predecessor, Born This Way does more than enough to ensure that Gaga’s moment in the spotlight won’t fade just yet. She may only be a popstar, but Gaga is a pretty clever one who knows how to use all the tricks of the trade. JW

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS DIRECTOR

CAST

James McAvoy Matthew Vaughn Kevin Bacon (Kick-Ass)

FRESH from the, well, kick ass f lm that was Kick-Ass, Matthew Vaughn breathes new life into XMen with the origins of Professor X and Magneto as they take down the anti-aging Kevin Bacon (what, was Rob Lowe not available?) The reason why the f lm works is because the mutant storyline is heavily intertwined with the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962, when America and Russia wanted to

RELEASED

RATING

Now

Vaughn doesn’t play things completely seriously though, with some great self-referential humour and a cameo that almost steals the show. It all adds to the fun of the f lm, which manages to work as a standalone f lm, a reboot and (unlike many prequels), actually adds to the original trilogy. BH

RATING

Fernando Trueba June 4 - 13 Javier Mariscal ACMI, Melbourne

SET in 1940s Havana, Chico is a womanising pianist who is captivated by the charms of the sultry singer Rita.

First things f rst, this f lm is funny. While gross-out scenes are sprinkled throughout, it’s the rivalry between Wiig and Aussie

The IT Crowd’s Chris O’Dowd pops up as a love interest but, rest assured, while the ladies will swoon he’s the catalyst for more humour than sappy romance. Funnier than The Hangover, Bridesmaids suceeds when so many comedies fail. By balancing the laughs, gross-out moments and the charm, Wiig and friends manage to produce the funniest comedy of 2011 (so far). BH

AIRBORNE TOXIC EVENT ALBUM

All At Once

RELEASED

RATING

Available Now

In Stores & Digitally

both lyrically and instrumentally into the next track Welcome to Your Wedding Day effortlessly.

MIKEL JOLETT’S lyrical beauty is rife throughout this album in tracks like All for a Woman recalling the sensations of lost love in heartbreaking and beautifully graphic phrasing. It also contains a lot of personal angst with songs telling of family relationship struggles and of course there are classic tales of social rebellion such as the emotional The Kids are Ready to Die which bleeds

There are some beautiful vocal harmonies throughout and the f ve tracks featuring the Calder Quartet really bring out everything the strings have to offer, buoying up the tracks with a wall of soft sound while guitar leads roll over the top of the melodies. The second half of the album is def nitely more dynamic if you like the fuller dramatic Airborne Toxic Event sound, but the album is great as a whole if you have an afternoon to put it on and enjoy. AM

DAVE BRUBECK

CHICO & RITA CASTRELEASED DIRECTOR

Lenny Mandel Limara Meneses

BILLED as the female version of The Hangover, Bridesmaids stars Saturday Night Live’s Wiig as Annie. She’s single, her business closed down and her best friend has found a f ance (and a new best friend it seems). Her life might fail, but does the f lm?

In Cinemas (MA15+)

blow shit up. (Just don’t reference X-Men in your next history exam). By integrating the plot with real life events, not only does the movie become more entertaining and interesting but there’s that slight chance that things might go in a different direction to real life (like the amazing Watchmen) which raises the stakes.

In Cinemas

RATING

(MA15+)

pianist Bebo Valdes, Chico & Rita may on one level be a slightly predictable, but fully engaging love story, but on another, it works as an introduction to Cuba’s vibrant past and the budding New York jazz scene.

Chico & Rita is not groundbreaking material, but if you want an animated movie that sits somewhere between the glossy glee of Disney and the hard-hitting However, far from falling instantly reality of Waltz With Bashir, then into his arms, she makes him this will more than do the trick, as work for his reward. Yet, once the passion is ignited, they succumb to the charming tale of love lost and found makes for an enjoyable, a situation that seperates them. engaging watch. JW Set to an arousing score by Cuban

CASTRELEASED DIRECTOR

Clint Eastwood Bill Cosby

Bruce Ricker

(Assorted Docos)

RATING June 4 - 13

ACMI, Melbourne

come. Despite his incomparable achievements, he is a modest man who still lets his music do the talking. While the documentary barely lifts the lid on the legend he is, it more than fulf ls its requirements. Having shied away from the world of ‘celebrity’, it only feels right that a tribute should respect the artist as opposed to intrude upon the man.

DAVE BRUBECK is a man who needs no introduction. Having been at the forefront of jazz fusion, this Clint Eastwood-produced tribute to the now ninety year old musician takes a look not only at the maestro, but also pays homage Dave Brubeck: In His Own Sweet Way is f lled with facts, but the to his honest approach to fusing real beauty lies in Brubeck’s family and career. compositions, which sound as uplifting today as they did at the With his wife Iola still f rmly by his side, Brubeck is as humble as they time of their release. JW

As part of the Melbourne International Jazz Festival, Jazz on Film screens at ACMI in Melbourne from 4 to 13 June, 2011. For program information and session times please visit www.acmi.net.au

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SHOGUN

DnB ROOM

AUDIO

TOUR

HOSTED BY SP:MC

Spectrasoul (UK) Prototypes (UK) Linken & Vertigo | DTechMC | Scotty Woodhouse & Mylestone DUBSTEP ROOM

SP:MC

(UK) Dubstep Set

H Lock | Paul Fraser | Juzlo | Anomalous

SAT 4 JUNE | 10PM TIL LATE

OXFORD ART FACTORY tickets available at www.moshtix.com.au

WWW.BASSDROP.COM.AU | WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BASSSDROPDNB

SOAPS CORONATION ST. AS a gutted Tina struggles to get her head round what Graeme told her, she f res questions at him. Unable to lie any longer, Graeme admits his depth of feelings for Xin. A devastated Tina then tears into the pair. Her feistiness returning, she shocks them with the force of her anger.

Meanwhile, Sophie and Sian are gutted to see what’s been taken from the charity and a guilty Sophie hands over all her wages. Kevin isn’t happy to see James taking money from the girls and forbids them from going near the place again. But when Sally hears what’s happened, whose side will she be on?

EastEnders TANYA persuades Greg to take a day off so they can spend the morning in bed. However, the pair’s plans are interrupted by Max, who turns up on their doorstep wanting to have more discussions with Greg over building works.

behaviour and later confronts him when they get a moment alone. Max seizes this opportunity to get close to Tanya and an intimate moment follows between them. But Tanya soon snaps at Max and orders him to leave her alone.

Tanya is furious over Max’s

Carol says ‘No to Ageism’ and hires Cass for his charm and wealth of experience. But can Louie keep him off the books? Paul offers Charlie some words of encouragement; but Esther stills sends him packing. Esther eventually meets Charlie to apologise; claiming “Someone from my past knocked me off course”! TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP

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HOLLYOAKS +

JASON is unnerved by the tension between him and Bart. However, he’s soon left heartbroken when Bart angrily brushes him off. Later, Bart heads over to Sinead’s to assert that he’s straight. He beds his girlfriend while they’re home alone, but later Diane returns to f nd the couple post-coital and banishes Bart from

Sinead’s life. Meanwhile, Mitzeee f nds that she has bitten off more than she can chew by trying to win Riley and Mercedes’s engagement party, so she blackmails Cheryl into helping her.

Emmerdale ADAM arrives at work and tells Ella that they need to have a chat later. As Declan arrives at Butlers to sign the paperwork for the deal, Ella and Adam meet at the stables.

However, Adam’s thrown when Ella claims he can’t just pretend this never happened. She tells him to man up and lie to his mum that it’s over, or end it properly and come clean.

Adam explains that they’ve been caught and he’s not about to jeopardise his dad’s livelihood for the sake of a f ing.

At Butlers, Adam lies to Moira that it’s over and she believes him, but Adam’s left hating the mess he’s got himself into.

Elsewhere, will the McQueens be able to get the money to keep their home?

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UK NEWS SHE’S WEARING ‘NOT A LOT’

BLESSED with devil-may-care good looks and the ability to manipulate the laws of physics to perform seemingly impossible tasks, it’s only natural that the world’s most famous magician – Paul Daniels – has a certain power over women.

BARMY banger nut David Harding is possibly the first man ever to be addicted to sausages. Aside from George Michael of course.

But with great power comes great responsibility, and ladies-man Daniels has been forced to curb his excessive rock ‘n roll lifestyle after being stalked by a nude lesbian model. No really.

The 47-year-old has eaten at least one sausage a day since he was five and can eat up to thirteen porky treats a day. “I genuinely cannot bear the thought of living without sausages,” Harding admits.

The 73-year-old magic man (pictured) has been bombarded with dozens of X-rated photos from a 27-year-old brunette who has become obsessed with the slapheaded Wizbit-creator.

LOOK MUM BBM is assuming even the needy over-protective parents think this one is funny.

Paul’s agent Chris Davis said: “She is a nutter on Twitter who has been stalking not only Paul, but [the lovely Debbie McGee] as well.”

NO ROPES

Three little darlings have been injured at a party after a bouncy castle broke loose from its tether and became airborne.

knocked unconscious. North Yorkshire police told the BBC what happened: “It appears that the bouncy castle blew away in the winds and the three young people who were in it at the time got, to a certain degree, taken off the ground.”

A seven-year-old boy was airlifted to hospital with broken bones, a nine-year-old boy broke a bone in his leg and a seven-year-old girl was

Another great phrase from the vague cop dictionary. We’re assuming “I did, to a certain degree, stab her to death,” probably wouldn’t hold up in court.

WE’VE heard of strippers keeping cash in their smalls but never to the amount of £15,000. That’d have to be one hell of a lap dance. And by lap dance we mean shag. And by shag we mean live-in sexslave. Appropriately misspelled stripper “Gessica” is sitting on a small for-

HIDE THE SAUSAGE

tune after artist Damien Hirst drooled over, and then signed, her knickers. The stripper has had them valued at £15,000 and said: “I’m a huge fan of his work. I’ll treasure them. It was a pleasure to spend time with him.” By “fan of his work” she means “a customer with cash”. And by “treasure” she means f og on eBay.

“Drug addicts crave their fix, and it’s the same for me,” he drooled, “except my drug is a banger.” BBM has never really been able to deal with sausages. We feel weirdly jealous of them. A chipolata is about as close as we can get.

QUEEN’S PARK A HOITY-TOITY jobsworth has got himself nicked after clamping the wheels of two cars guarding the Queen. Pippa’s Nan was making a trip to see a friend when Gareth Andrews, 37, spotted two cop cars parked in private residents’ bays. The cops explained their role and showed their warrants but the self-important parking cop Andrews wouldn’t budge. Andrews will now face court on charges of obstructing police. “I would’ve booked Diana for the seatbelt thing too. That’s just the guy I am,” said Andrews as he jerked over a no standing sign (while sitting).

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UK NEWS THE WORST MEDICINE BBM has put a lot of women to sleep in our time but usually it’s the pills we crushed into their drink that does the trick – not our jokes. Not the case for Claire Scott who suffers from a rare condition where feelings of emotion cause her to fall asleep. The condition has made her collapse up to 50 times a day since childhood. The mother of two recently had an attack after laughing at a joke her daughter told.

IF BIN LADEN left a “to bomb” list before he was shot we dare say that it would go something like this: “White House,” “Empire State Building,” “Wanna try Bali again?”

In other news she’s married with children. The couple reportedly met on popular fetish website www. sexysleepingbitch.com.

Oh and “Twickenham Infants School.” Of course.

NOT SO FLASH QUEEN

BLOWN UP ISSUE

SADLY for lovers of prunes and split tennis balls, the Queen is putting an end to her days of f ashing.

Apparently it’s not just the Queen who f nds the f ashes “disorientating,” Prince Phillip has also had enough of it.

Former boss of important stuff Queen Elizabeth has banned f ash photography, claiming the camera bulbs hurt her ageing eyes.

“Those f ashes blind me for a second,” he babbled. “Then how can I tell if there’s a black or a nip near me? My sense of smell isn’t what it used to be!”

A recent school trip to the local Mosque in South West London was cancelled by a school principal because of concerns over terrorist attacks in revenge for the death of the bearded man. Angry parents said this sends the “wrong message” to the f ve and six-year old kids. “We should be strapping them to bombs and chucking them inside!” said one concerned parent.

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IRISH NEWS GETTING IN WITH THE KIDS A MEMORABLE campaign slogan can really capture the imagination of the general public. Just look at the world’s most famous Irishman, Barack Obama. “Yes we can,” he yelled after watching a particularly inspired episode of Bob the Builder. Five minutes later, he was whooped and hollered into the White House. By contrast, his Republican opponent – John McCain – was a fan of The Generation Game and his slogan of “Nice to see you, to see you nice!” was swiftly forgotten. Well Irish independent senator David Norris has certainly picked a campaign issue that sticks in the head. If we had to sum it up in a slogan, it would be something like: “C’mon kids. What’s the harm in a bit of paedophilia?” Noncey Norris’s election push is in tatters after

political rivals dusted off the archives and found an interview he gave to Magill magazine in 2002 where he basically said a bit of kiddy-f ddling wasn’t such a bad thing back. “In terms of classic paedophilia, as practised by the Greeks, for example, where it is an older man introducing a younger man to adult life, there can be something said for it,” he said. “Now, again, this is not something that appeals to me. Although when I was younger I would have greatly relished the prospect of an older, attractive, mature man taking me under his wing, lovingly introducing me to sexual realities, treating me with affection, teaching me about life.” Although the comments have sunk his election chances, his popularity with the Catholic priesthood has skyrocketed.

SHE’S BORN FREE EVER shit yourself after being pulled over by the police knowing you’ve just had a couple of pints, three shots of tequila, a bottle of vodka and some crystal meth at the local pub? Well if the copper in question has swollen breasts, a beach ball stomach and keeps practicing breathing exercises while she’s giving you a court date, you might be in luck. Siobhan Kelly was caught by Garda driving over the limit on a road in Killarney. She

was convicted of drink driving but appealed to the Circuit Court and managed to get off because the two off cers who had arrested her were on maternity leave and couldn’t give evidence in court. Does this mean you could get away with an armed robbery if the off cer who nicked you doesn’t come to court because his kid was ‘up and down’ all night? We don’t know – but we encourage anyone reading this to try it.

TAKING THE HEAT IRELAND’S annual four days of good weather is expected to take place this weekend. “Temperatures are expected to rise to 25C by Friday, bringing the warmest weather we’ve had this year - so if you’re thinking of having a barbecue, this is def nitely the time to have one,” Met Eireann’s John Eagleton said. For those of you wondering why you came to Australia, it’s currently winter in Cairns and the temperature is 26C.

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SHOOT TO THRILL WHILE BBM has the particularly British habit of apologising if someone we don’t know accidentally steps on our toe or trips us up, we have to tip our hat to Tallaght publican Charlie Chawke when it comes to turning the other cheek. Chawke was shot by Frank Ward in the leg during a robbery that cost him 50,000 Euros – but this week said he had ‘nothing bad to say’ about the bloke who maimed him. “I want to shake his hand and say that there are no bad feelings between us and tell him everything is totally forgiven,” he said, presumably with Ward pressing a gun to his back.

POSTER BOY IRELAND’S current economic woes have meant that anyone with half a brain has been forced to look abroad for work. And judging by our last trip to Bondi Junction, we really do mean half a brain. Well for Irishy-named marketing graduate Feilim Mac An Iomaire enough is enough. In a bid to get employment in Dublin, Feilim paid 2,000 Euros on an advertising hoarding on the busy Merrion Road. The ad contains a picture of the 26-year-old facing a number of famous landmarks from Sydney, London and New York with the message: “Save me from emigration.” “The great thing is that everyone’s been so positive about it, no one has really had a bad word to say,” he said, although considering he’s still unemployed and 2,000 Euros worse off we’re not sure it was the best of ideas.

WORLD NEWS MODEL BEHAVIOUR

OVER the years, BBM has come to terms with the fact that women probably don’t always have naked pillow-f ghts when they get together. But here’s the good news; when two models hang out they wrestle each other.

her f fteen-year-old daughter. While BBM would never judge someone for having a child when they were f fteen we still like to mention it to you so you can judge for yourselves.

REVENGE is something most people only dream about. BBM still thinks about the time that guy took the dish we ordered on the sushi train. Oh, what we wouldn’t give to go back and smash it over his head. Not the case for a Swedish man who chased after a group of kids that egged his house, pinned one down and smashed an egg in his face.

Shwing! A 30-year-old model has died after wrestling with her friend. The pair were “horsing around” when they smashed through a window and plummeted 10 f oors.

He’s now being charged with harassment. “Whatever,” he said as he celebrated his moral victory by rubbing his dog’s face in its own shit and beating a loud neighbour to death with his speakers.

According to witnesses, the f ght was super hot before that. Model Lashawna Threatt leaves behind

THE DOMINO EFFECT

IT’S always so disappointing when the pizza you ordered doesn’t look exactly like the one in the picture.

spider inside the box.

Personally, BBM is a huge fan of complaining in order to get a second one free. Apparently that’s not the case for a 25-yearold Kiwi who refused a replacement pizza after f nding a deadly white-top

The man dubbed it the “Dominos Pizza of Death” and claimed that it was just lucky that no one was hurt. Also lucky? He wasn’t charged $2 extra for the added spider. “Don’t say it too loud. Then everyone will want one!” joked the f fteen-year-old Dominos Manager before he was f red and sent to bed without his Meatlovers.

IN the beginning was the word. And God said, “Make shit and make money off it!” And some sick fucks really did. A Californian evangelical group is targeting f ood-ravaged Queensland communities with a wave of “supernatural” schools that teach people how to heal the sick and raise the dead. Not even Hogwarts could get away with this shit, and they have the soothing tones of Alan Rickman. Hundreds of people are paying up to $720 a week to learn “faith healing.” “Don’t fuck with us,” said the Atheist Foundation of Australia as they loaded shotguns.

TIT FOR TAT IN the least-surprising news of the week, American cops are still looking for excuses to hang out in strip-clubs for “research purposes.” Nine months since Missouri toughened restrictions on adult business, it’s been revealed that the titty bars are pretty much ignoring all the rules and getting their kit off where and when they want.

bar a dancer appeared on stage less than six feet from patrons; another violation of the statute. “Less than six feet?” said the cop, “The bitch let me motorboat her!” “This will not be tolerated,” he said as he asked for a tissue.

BBM’s girlfriend was wondering why we spent too much time at work this week. By girlfriend, we mean mother. By at work, we mean playing Nintendo. The new game Dead or Alive: Dimensions allows players to look up the skirts of scantily clad teenage characters. Of course, we’re only playing the game for our review which, in unrelated news, will be spread out over 25 weeks.

Clubs are staying open well past the closing deadline and in one

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WORLD NEWS RAT PACT

AFTER complaints from stupid Americans asking that we stop calling Americans stupid (no, seriously), BBM has a new subject in sight. The disabled. Too much? A woman in Hesperia has won the right to take her disgusting pet rat with her shopping and into restaurants. This is no ordinary pet rat. It’s a service animal. Like a guide dog, only disgusting.

of the nerve damage, she doesn’t feel the spasms. That’s where the trained rat comes in. He does feel the spasms and warns Moore by licking her neck. Excuse us while we clean the vomit off our keyboard.

Dani Moore suffers from muscle spasms and needs to take medication. Because

IN the third pig-related story in as many issues, farmer John Gregory has resorted to lathering his pigs in oil once a week in order to deal with a plague of mice. “The oil stops them eating the pigs because they don’t like the taste,” he explains. Hundreds of thousands of mice are taking over his farm and are even climbing up onto his pigs’ backs and chewing chunks right out of them. “Being farmers we’re always trying to do things cheap,” Gregory said. “I mix icing sugar and cement. The icing sugar attracts the mice, they eat it and then the cement clogs them up.” Gregory’s mice statues are available online now.

JUST PLANE AWKWARD

IF there’s one thing that impresses a woman more than an old drunk man bragging about his job, it’s an old drunk man talking about poisonous gases.

An American man who dreamed of joining the mile-high club ended up arrested, jailed and shamed after bragging that he was carrying enough gas to knock out every passenger on board the f ight.

What? It always works for us. Danielle Valimont was understandably creeped out by Bryan Sisco after he told f ight attendants that they were newlyweds. The 40-year-old then whipped out a butane lighter, sparking it near Valimont’s legs, and boasted that he had a canister that contained enough gas to knock out everyone on the plane. Luckily for Bryan, he managed to join a similar club, although being a prison slave doesn’t have the same ring to it.

DISORDERLY CONDUCT WHEN BBM goes drink driving we always take the main road. Vulnerable women never seem to take the back streets anymore. Drinker and driver Crystal Leija, 32, decided on a different route when she drove through the front of a family home, destroying the living room, dining room and two kids bedrooms before bursting out into the back yard. Concerned that people might think she was stupid and after realising two children were missing, she did what any Good Samaritan would do; she asked for

$1000 to help look for the kids. Leija was arrested and charged with driving under the inf uence causing serious bodily injury, DUI causing personal injury, DUI causing damage to property or person, and leaving the scene of an accident involving property damage. Oh, and the Blues Brothers are suing for plagiarism.

NOT only did Osama Bin Ladin have a porn fetish that had him jizzing into his turban multiple times a day, apparently he was an amazing boss. So amazing, in fact, that he threatened his employees with death if they said otherwise. According to seized documents, married members were allowed to have seven days of vacation for every three weeks worked. Bachelors got f ve days off a month and, if lucky, were promised an extra virgin once killed. “Fat chance,” said Osama as he contemplated what to do with the 72 vegans he was given in the terrorist wing of Hell.

AS if you needed further proof that Americans are insane, the Apple Store is the most photographed attraction in New York. “That’ll be f ve bucks,” said Steve Jobs as he charged tourists outside the store. That statistic doesn’t even include the hundreds of douchebags posting images on Facebook from a MacBook inside the store, as if they won an exclusive invitation. “Windows is still cool!” whined Bill Gates.

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SYDNEY WHAT’S ON

FROM the heart of Cuba, to four sell-out seasons in London and a worldwide tour, the international sizzler Havana Rakatan f nally comes to Sydney. Sensual rumba, sizzling salsa and the slick footwork of the cha cha cha, the intoxicating rhythms will take you on a captivating journey through a truly unique country.

THE ARBOR: An entrancing, wonderfully inventive portrait of the short life and enduring legacy of British playwright Andrea Dunbar. THIRD STAR: An affecting and unexpectedly witty account of a critically ill young man who invites his friends on a camping holiday.

Set to live music courtesy of Son band Turquino, the authentic heart and soul of Cuba comes alive on stage - featuring authentic African beats to popular tunes including the famous Chan Chan (the signature song of the Buena Vista Social Club).

THIS IS ENGLAND ‘86: A TV spin-off of This Is England.

When: June 7th - 19th Where: Sydney Opera House Cost: From $59

When: June 8th - 13th Where: Various venues across Sydney Cost: From $17 for a Single Adult ticket

AFTER a blood pumping series of Big Day Out shows across Australia, Airbourne are back touring their homeland.

LITTLE Red have travelled around the world twice so far this year but they’re coming home in June, and what better way to celebrate than a tour?

Airbourne are only back brief y before jetting off for another European tour, f rst stop Sonisphere Festivals followed shortly by a UK tour with Iron Maiden. When: Saturday, June 11th Where: Metro Theatre Cost: $34

MUSICIAN, singer and songwriter Joan Wasser, a.k.a. Joan As Police Woman, is coming to Australian capital cities in June this year to headline a tour with her band. Flying only just under the radar of mainstream audiences, this tour could easily be one of the richest and most satisfying musical highlights of the year. When: Thursday, June 9th Where: Factory Theatre Cost: $73

THE legendary Biz Markie is a true hip hop veteran. With more than 25 years of solid Hip Hop history under his belt, the human beatbox, MC and DJ has gathered a gigantic fanbase that stretches from New York City to Japan to Europe and everywhere in between. When: Thursday, June 9th Where: Oxford Art Factory Cost: $53

THERE are a bunch of British f lms hitting the Sydney Film Festival that should not be missed. Highlights include:

THE GUARD: Brendan Gleeson and Don Cheadle are the perfect odd couple in this wickedly funny, action-packed f ick from Ireland.

Since their last headline tour – the sold out Midnight Remember shows last October – Little Red have not stopped, with performances from New York City to Papua New Guinea. When: Friday, June 10th Where: Metro Theatre Cost: $34

ANTHONY SALAME is f lming his new DVD and wants you to be his laugh track. Come down to the Metro and celebrate the start of winter with Anthony Salame and his live DVD shoot. Filming will begin at 6pm so don’t be tardy. When: Sunday, June 5th Where: Metro Theatre Cost: $21.50

AUSTRALIAN singer-songwriter Tim Bowen has been showcased in Vegas and championed by Perez Hilton. Just back from a European tour, this young star-in-the-making brings his wit and talent to the stage for one night only. When: Monday, June 6th Where: The Basement Cost: $15

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SYDNEY THINGS TO DO

Over the next few weeks, BBM will be featuring the adventures of our work experience girl, IMOGEN HARGREAVES, as we send her to some of the must-see Sydney locations. This week, she feeds the sharks at Sydney Aquarium.

SYDNEY AQUARIUM SPLASHING through the puddles in the bustling streets of the city, I was hit with the news that I would be spending the morning feeding sharks. Far from my initial expectations of work experience, I was taken through the aquarium and was able to look for myself at the largest collection of Australian aquatic life in the world. I was greeted by friendly staff and a helpful guide who was more than happy to show me around. From the very beginning I was surrounded by tanks full of bright, colourful f sh that never ceased to amaze me. Aquatic life isn’t something I have spent much time researching, and having a guide informing me of all the different creatures was an interesting, new experience for me. From tiny, almost microscopic f sh to the very intelligent octopus, all my questions were answered on the life of these intriguing creatures.

It was time to feed the sharks at 11am, and a small group of us (the boat holds eight) were given life jackets and taken up to the boat. For only $15 it was well worth the experience. A guide navigated the boat over the tank, informing the group of the types of f sh and sharks in the tank, assuring us that we were all in safe hands. Looking through the glass into the Great Barrier Reef-themed enclosure, I could see one of two Lemon Sharks, close to three metres long, swimming just inches from the boat waiting for its food. The sharks, although usually known to swim along the bottom of the enclosure, were swimming very close to, and even circling, the boat. Some people felt the sharks had learnt what time they were fed, and where this food came from. The sharks were surrounded by hundreds of small tropical f sh, moving quickly in and out of view, and out of reach of the sharks.

These included platypus, seahorses, jellyf sh, octopus, giant stingrays, penguins, thousands of colourful f sh, and two of only six dugongs in enclosures anywhere in the world. Pig and Wuru, both orphaned dugongs, reside in a large glass enclosure purposely built for them. Also known as “sea-cows” due to their large consumption of sea grass, dugongs can eat up to 90kg per day. In Sydney Aquarium cos lettuce is provided as a substitute, and Pig and Wuru have their own lettuce station where staff work around the clock to prepare food for them.

Past the dugong enclosure is the Barrier Reef Exhibit, home to hundreds of different tropical f sh, colourful corals and sharks. The f oor to ceiling tank contains two million litres of water and hundreds of different species of f sh, coral and molluscs.

With entry prices starting from just $18, the Sydney Aquarium is an incredible, yet affordable, experience for everyone. Shark feeding takes place at 11am each day, bookings can be made as soon as you arrive. The glass-bottomed boat also runs during the day for a $5 non-feeding trip. Combination passes are available for the Aquarium as well as Sydney Wildlife World, Sydney Tower and Oceanworld Manly, which allows one entry to each destination within thirty days of each other. These passes also allow visitors to save up to $45.

After the shark feeding was done, I was free to explore the rest of the aquarium, f nding a diverse range of animals - 650 different species to be exact.

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MELBOURNE NEWS BEN: TEN WE think it’s safe to say that Melbourne teenagers are on heat. BBM is in a fury trying to look up the legal age before it wears off. A bunch of old fogies are complaining over a number of Facebook groups encouraging teenage lovers to rate their sexual partners from one to ten.

IN another “what could possibly go wrong?” story, Melbourne police plan to train famous junkies to teach other users how to be safe, clean and responsible.

That just seems like good business.

Isn’t that sort of like asking a pedophile to teach kids how to say no to strangers?

Sites include a Victoria-wide group, one for bayside suburbs and another for Mornington Peninsula. No need for a Geelong website, we all know they’re threes.

The scheme, set to start in July, was prompted by the rise in the use of public spaces for injecting and disposing of syringes.

Several hundred users, mostly secondary school students, have signed up.

In order to save funding, the Victorian State Government plans to pay the inf uential users in smack that they stole off them earlier in the day.

“The internet is out of control and no one is doing anything about it,” Child Wise chief executive Bernadette McMenamin said.

“You do know there’s porn online, right?” her son said as he jerked off over a ten.

SMACK TALK

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MELBOURNE

WHAT’S ON

MELBOURNE-based rock n’ rollers King Cannons prepare for their f rst headline tour of regional Victoria. It’s simply six good friends coming together to create music crafted from their many different individual inf uences and inspirations. When: Friday, June 10th Where: Karova Lounge Cost: $10

SNOWY Belfast are a young band that shows a depth of character and maturity well beyond their years. This is never more present than in the words and music of songwriting team, Esther Holt and Jesse Williamswho won f rst prize at Melbourne’s Corner Hotel industry showcase band comp last year. When: Friday, June 10th Where: Revolver Upstairs Cost: $8

When: Friday, June 10th Where: Esplanade Hotel, Lounge Bar Cost: Free

DAVE O’Neil is a regular on Spicks and Specks and has appeared on Channel 10’s The Panel, Rove Live and Australia’s Brainiest Comedian. Adam Rozenbachs, a regular on the Melbourne comedy circuit, has performed around Australia, and supported Dave Hughes and Adam Hills. When: June 9th - 11th Where: Comic’s Lounge Cost: From $25

EIGHTEEN years after making the world Slam, the legendary rap group Onyx are f nally making their way to Australia for the very f rst time on their Bacdafucup Tour.

SONS of Rico are launching the second single from their debut album Reactions, named Miss Adventure, with its extremely cool stop-motion video made by the talented Katana at The East.

At one point in time, Onyx were the very def nition of New York gangster rap when they burst onto the scene with their debut single Throw Your Gunz.

Expect an awful lot of tambourine on stage in their live show, alongside guitar solos, killer keys and sweet harmonies.

When: Thursday, June 9th Where: Esplanade Hotel Cost: $46

WITH a very busy year ahead of them, Stonef eld’s Ding Dong show will be one of the last chances to check them out before they travel to the UK for Glastonbury. In February they blew the roof off Melbourne’s The Tote during a residency so this gig surely cannot be missed. When: Friday, June 10th Where: Ding Dong Lounge Cost: $19

MELBOURNE songstress Owl Eyes will not be going into hibernation for the next few months, with the release of Raiders, a coinciding national tour, and an invitation to warm up the stage for Darwin Deez.

When: Thursday, June 9th Where: East Brunswick Club Cost: $15

THE HI-FI are celebrating their birthday with a one off special birthday show featuring the distinguished Tim Rogers and the Temperance Union, Henry Wagons and special guests Even and River of Snakes. Birthday’s only come around once a year so it’s sure to be an evening of revelry not to be missed. When: Friday, June 10th Where: The Hi-Fi Cost: $30

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WINTER BREAKS AUSTRALIAN ALPINE RESORTS METEOROLOGISTS are predicting an abundance of snow in the Snowy Mountains and that’s a positive sign for a bumper 2011 season. Other promising signs, according to Matt Lowe, international reservation manager with Jindabyne-based travel company Snowy River Travel, include recent early-season falls and millions of dollars invested in new snow-making facilities. “With the Snowy Mountains only a f ve hour drive from Sydney, you also have the option of a visit to Canberra on the way,” he said. Mr Lowe said pre-booking accommodation was recommended because the mountains sold out. “If you use a local accommodation wholesaler you can take advantage of some great package deals for both on-snow and Jindabyne accommodation. To research the accommodation options you could check out australianalpineresorts.com.au.” Snow equipment can be hired on arrival with more than 20 ski-hire shops in Jindabyne alone. The service stations both provide low cost hire with quick and eff cient service. “Staff usually have an extensive knowledge of the equipment as they are encouraged to use it at every chance.” Perisher and Thredbo are just a 35-kilometre drive from Jindabyne, but National Park entrance fees apply: $27 a car a day or $190 annually a vehicle. All two-wheel drive vehicles are required to carry chains within the national park in winter, however, ftting chains is not frequently required. “If you’re not comfortable driving in the snow you do have the option of catching the Skitube, an underground train system 20 kilometres from Jindabyne that accesses the Perisher resort. Pre-purchasing your lift passes and ski hire as a package with your accommodation can save you time and money, so call a local supplier for the best deals. Lessons are a great idea for all levels and are highly recommended for beginners. It’s amazing what you can do after a couple of tips from a professional.” Mr Lowe said June and September were the most affordable months with June offering a greater chance of snowfalls while September had more sunny spring weather where you could f nd yourself skiing in a T-Shirt. “If skiing and snowboarding are not your thing, you can still hop in the car and head to the snow to build a snowman, or ride a toboggan. It’s an experience you will never forget.”

COACH SNOW TOUR SYDNEY/ACT WEEKEND

3 DAY MIDWEEK

6 DAY SNOW FIX

$239*

$299*

$569*

*$30 surcharge for July/August.

*$20 surcharge for July/August.

*$30 surcharge for July/August.

COACH AND SELF DRIVE PACKAGES TO THE AUSTRALIAN AND NEW ZEALAND SNOW FIELDS

NEW ZEALAND + WANAKA + MT HUTT

FROM

+ QUEENSTOWN

$259*

*$10 surcharge for July/August.

AUSTRALIA + THREDBO + PERISHER

Includes - 2 nights accommodation at the SNOWY VALLEY RESORT Jindabyne or the River Inn Thredbo - Return transport - Shuttle up and down the mountain each day - National Park fees - 3-course dinner - 2 x Hot breakfasts - Party Night - Saturday is party night!

www.ozsnowadventures.com.au 40

SKI NZ QUEENSTOWN FROM

FLY TO CANBERRA COACH TO SNOW

$675

Includes - 7 nights accomodation at Reavers - 5 day Xtreme Flexi Lift Pass or Queenstown Local Pass - Breakfast Daily - Group Dinner - Airport Pick Up - Nightly activities schedule

Call: 1300 989 955 BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WINTER BREAKS PORT STEPHENS IT may seem a little odd that we would be sending you to a coastal town for a winter break, but fear not, there is good reason Port Stephens is an attraction in the cooler months. The place may surround a marina full of boats, seafood restaurants and swimwear shops but Port Stephens is actually most famous for its winter time spectacle of whale watching. These beautiful creatures migrate north to warmer waters when winter hits and around 9,000 humpback whales pass through Port Stephens every year between May and August on their way to and back from their summer holidays. With most tour companies boasting a sighting average of 90%, plus free trips if you don’t see any whales, it is easy to work out that your trip will be worthwhile. With most accommodation being on the cheaper side during the winter break it is a great idea for a getaway from the city without sacrif cing any ocean side time.

For food and drink lovers, Port Stephens is home to a few native treasures. Lemon Tree on the Tilligerry Peninsula is famous for producing the best Sydney Rock Oysters in Australia and the local oyster farmers are more than happy to show you around and give you a bit of an education on oyster farming if you are interested. A visit to the Port Stephens Winery will give you a chance to not only sample the wines of the region but also Murrays Port Stephens Whale Ale who have recently relocated their breweries to the location where their full range of ales are available for your tasting pleasure. Only a few hours out of Sydney and quick f ights available from all other capital cities, Port Stephens is a beautiful town to escape to, and if it’s good enough for the whales to visit twice a year, it’s sure as hell good enough for BBM.

Don’t worry about the weather either, as Australia is a warm country and Port Stephens is no exception. While it might not be scorching hot, the temperature rarely drops below 18 degrees and there is still snorkelling, golf ng, 4WD adventures and a National Park if you feel the need to get the most out of your stay.

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WHALE WATCHING IMAGINE witnessing the beauty of a f fteen metre, fortyeight tonne humpback propelling itself above water level, and then crashing back down into the surrounding water. Most aren’t able to say they’ve had the opportunity to see these giant beasts breech the ocean water. So, why not give it a shot and knock that whale watching trip off your bucket list at one of the top places to do so in Australia, Port Stephens. There’s been a consistent yearly increase of humpbacks migrating along Australian coasts, resulting in a growth in whale watching popularity. With an abundance of options for whale watching destinations and tours, what makes Port Stephens the best of the bunch? We’ve thrown together some reasons that should help make Port Stephens your destination of choice. Nelson Bay, a suburb of the Port Stephens Local Government Area, offers whale watching for six months of the year. From mid May to August you are able to see the northern migration of the whales as they make way to their calving waters in the Coral Sea.

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August to mid November, the whales begin their migration back south to the Antarctic, their feeding grounds. An estimated 12,000 humpback whales will migrate up the east coast in 2011, making the chance of spotting these giants quite likely. They will begin to pass Port Stephens in mid May. The whales are known to travel a bit closer to Port Stephens, making them much easier to spot and shortening the time you’d waste traveling to f nd them. Whale watching in Port Stephens takes place in the largest marine park in New South Wales, at about 98,000 hectares. Within this park are 9 different species of whales. These include humpback, minke, southern right, false killer, sei, pilot, brydes, (CONT. ON 44)

WINTER BREAKS f n and orca whales. The most common among the waters of Port Stephens are humpback whales, while orcas are quite the opposite, rarely making an appearance.

occasionally make appearances as well.

Every Port Stephens whale watching tour includes a dolphin watch cruise, as the port is home to 3 different species of dolphins including coastal bottlenose, offshore bottle, and short-beak common dolphins. The port is widely known as the “Dolphin Capital of the World.” Over 80 dolphins reside permanently within clear, gorgeous waters of Port Stephens and can be seen anytime throughout the year. These dolphins can typically be seen in large pods when passing the offshore islands.

Whale watching season is an ideal time for bird watchers, as well. During this time, gannets will join in large f ocks to feed while hundreds of short-tail shearwaters nest on Broughton Island. Other birds that are common to the area include the f uttering shearwater, yellownosed and sooty albatross, wedge tail eagles and whitebreasted seagulls. They are usually seen hovering over the ocean in small and large f ocks in search of f sh.

There are plenty of options when it comes to how you watch the whales whether it is by a larger boat, speedboat or sailboat so booking a tour won’t be a problem. Sailboats seem to be a popular choice, simply because of their quietness in comparison to others, allowing you to hear more of what’s going on around you. The costs of 3-hour tours are pretty consistent throughout the port and are very reasonable with family packages being offered by most guides. If traveling by sea isn’t your thing, no worries, as there are plenty of points around Port Stephens that make great spots for whale watching. Close to Nelson Bay is one of the more popular spots, Telegraph Point, a small village on the north coast of New South Wales. While your chances of spotting a group of whales is not nearly as high as if you were on boat, watching from a point is still a fantastic and relaxing way to try for a glimpse at them. Two different points in Port Stephens are becoming known as a common spot for whales to breech, Point Stephen’s lighthouse and the shoals of Boat Harbour. There’s much debate as to why whales breech so there’s no telling why these two spots are so special. Just know that they are, and have your camera ready! The port has much more wildlife to offer than simply whales and dolphins. Cabbage Tree Island attracts a colony of seals and a rare species of petrel, a tube-nosed bird. During whale season, tours will typically stop by the rocks to observe the seals, if they are present. Sea turtles and penguins

The largest group of islands along the coast of New South Wales is all national parks with breathtaking scenery. It just so happens that the whales will migrate along these islands, making for a picturesque tour. The islands aren’t the only national parks the tours will typically pass, with Tomaree National Park to the south and Mayall River National Park to the north along the scenic coastline. The reasons Port Stephens makes a solid choice for whale watching are plenty, making it an easy decision when it comes to choosing a destination for your f rst whale watch. There are plenty of accommodation to choose from, most of which offer special rates in celebration of the upcoming whale season.

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PERTH WHAT’S ON

JEBEDIAH make a comet-like reappearance to blaze across Australia, scaling great heights on the Kosciuszko album tour.

IT’S full steam ahead for Lowrider – the Adelaide quartet tipped to become one of the breakthrough acts of 2011.

When: Friday, June 10th Where: Astor Theatre Cost: $35

When: Thursday, June 9th Where: Prince of Wales Hotel Cost: $19

TOM Burlinson, Australian star of screen and stage, presents timeless music with a dash of style in Now We’re Swingin’ - a sensational, swinging salute to the masters of the genre.

PROXY earns respect and awe from such heavyweights as Justice, Soulwax, Boys Noize, Erol Alkan and Mr. Oizo with astonishing, severe tracks like Decoy, Dance in Dark and the massive Raven.

When: Wednesday, June 8th Where: His Majesty’s Theatre Cost: From $50

When: Thursday, June 9th Where: Ambar Niteclub Cost: $35

FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle

ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge

ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth

DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth

THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle

MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth

ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge

THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge

HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island

BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

QUEENSLAND WHAT’S ON

Change it for the better THREE of Australia’s leading Hip Hop artists Pez, Maya Jupiter and 360 are coming together to take Australia by storm.

This dynamic line-up is sure to impress as Pez unleashes his new single Shine, Maya Jupiter plays her special brand of Hip Hop, and 360 plays his current release Just got Started which is attracting national airplay. When: June 11th Where: The Hi-Fi Cost: $20

Emmure AFTER a series of shows across Europe, the US and Japan in late 2010, New York’s most notorious live metal band Emmure will f nally be making the long anticipated return Down Under for their f rst ever headline shows. Since the band’s inception in

ONE of the most original, prolif c, and inf uential bassists in jazz, Grammy Award winner Ron Carter, is making his way to the Concert Hall Stage for a one night only event. When: June 9th Where: Queensland Performing Arts Centre Cost: $69

J BOOG has taken the world by storm. From Africa to Jamaica, South to North America, all the way to Europe and back home to the South Pacif c, J Boog is an international reggae star on the rise. When: June 9th Where: The Hi-Fi Cost: $49

AFTER announcing their return to the live circuit with a riveting performance at the Old Museum in Brisbane only weeks ago, The Medics are now set to embark on their f rst headline tour. When: June 9th Where: The Zoo Cost: $10

2003 they have released on EP, four studio albums and have toured almost constantly. Now they are ready to show Australian fans why they have already earned the support of an army of fans across the globe When: June 10th Where: Expressive Grounds Cost: $30.60

SUPPORTED by Tourism, The Party Shark. After having one of the most added tracks to Australian radio earlier this year with “You’re so cool”, Streamer Bendy will be performing a one off show in Brisbane. When: June 8th Where: The Hi-Fi Cost: $20

THE PAJAMA CLUB will be sneaking into Australia for an east coast run in June to perform their f rst shows anywhere in the world, along with some special guests. When: June 12th Where: The Zoo Cost: $25

A TWO-HANDED show with Bass Kleph on live music, sampler and beats, and Chris Arnott on vocals, keys and FX is sure to entertain. When: June 11th Where: Platinum Lounge. Cost: $20

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QUEENSLAND TIGER MOTH JOY RIDES IF ONE were to mention a Tiger Moth in ordinary conversation, most would wonder, “the hell’s that?” Or, as one of BBM’s fellow writers said, “It’s a moth that looks like a tiger!” Well, yes, and no. Take a trip down to the Gold Coast and you’ll learn that a Tiger Moth is actually the area’s most exhilarating means of exploring the landscape and, according to Tiger Moth Joy Rides, “The highest thrill ride on the Gold Coast.” So, what is a “Tiger Moth” exactly? Well, quite simply, it’s a plane. An old one, at that; think World War II and leather helmets, back in the day when the only thing that separated a pilot from the wind were his goggles. Having started back in 1978, Tiger Moth Joy Rides has plenty of experienced pilots to give you a sight of the Gold Coast’s beautiful scenery in a way you’ll surely never forget, viewing the beach and hinterland from the freedom of an open cockpit. To make the experience even more authentic, passengers are in full communication with the pilot via air phones inside the leather helmets. Taking in the pleasant scenery from 4,000 feet above ground can be quite relaxing and serene—just what the doctor ordered for some. Most, on the other hand, come to Tiger Moth Joy Rides in search of something a bit different—an adrenaline f x.

These aircrafts are completely capable of aerobatic f ight, and their pilots are more than willing to perform such maneuvers as barrel roles, loop the loops, and many more. If you think viewing the coast at a ridiculous level above ground is stimulating, try that same scenario, upside down. Seven out of ten passengers partaking in this experience choose the option of aerobatics, but it is not a necessity. If that all sounds like a bit much, know that aerobatics are completely optional and will only be performed under request. Flight location options include Surfer’s Paradise, South Stradbroke Island, Burleighs Head Beaches, Springbrook Rainforest Waterfalls and Broadbeach. A ten-minute f ight will run you $95 per person for both scenic and aerobatic f ights. If you’re looking to see as much of the Gold Coast as you possibly can, why not accomplish that goal with the birds-eye view that these vintage airplanes have to offer. Soar down the beautiful beaches of southeast Queensland while feeling the same adrenaline rush of a dogf ghter pilot circa World War II.

BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

OCEANS Y OUTH & E CO ADVEN T U RE H

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THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËTravel to the reef on board our air-conditioned Catamaran ËSnorkelling equipment provided ËInformative presentation hosted by our marine naturalist ËOn-board touch tank to experience marine life up close

ËDelicious chef-prepared buffet luncheon featuring fresh seafood, hot dishes, salads and fruit ËGuided coral viewing from our semi-submersible craft and glass-bottom boat

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ËClose to Food Store and Pharmacy ËShort walk to PK’s Jungle Bar ËCassowary Cafe – Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner FERNTREE RAINFOREST HOSTEL SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES

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QUEENSLAND DAINTREE SNORKELLING YOU wouldn’t quite describe snorkelling as “unique” in a place like northern Queensland, where hundreds embark on snorkelling trips and tours on a daily basis. Black Country Bliss Adventures would claim otherwise, using that description in reference to the snorkelling tour they offer not through the Great Barrier Reef, but rather the surrounding Daintree Rainforest. Home to the largest range of plant and animal life on earth, Daintree covers about 1200 square kilometres and is listed as a World Heritage Site. Forget the open ocean and set off on a three-hour journey down crystal clear waters of the Mossman River. Allow the gentle current to guide you effortlessly through the rainforest on what is referred to as a “river drift snorkel,” providing enjoyment of the scenery both above and below water level. Observe what the rainforest has to offer, as the Daintree is home to 30 percent of Australia’s frog, marsupial and reptile species, 65 percent of its bat and butterf y species, and 20 percent of its bird species—all condensed into less than one percent of Australia’s landmass. The area also contains the highest number of wildlife threatened with extinction, making this a great opportunity to see some of the rarest animals on the planet. The trip will set you back about $95 per person, with the respective snorkelling company providing you all the essentials including wetsuits, safety equipment and shoes as well as an

experienced instructor to accompany and guide you along the way. Courtesy transportation is normally offered for those staying in Port Douglas. The minimum group size is two people, so be sure to bring your friends along for the trip. Listed as a family activity, adults and children of all ages are safe to take part in this relaxing journey. Why not make it a full day event by combining it with the popular tour up to Cape Tribulation? It’s located within Daintree and features a small number of resorts and other accomodation. If you are looking to do something a little more special than usual in northern Queensland, strongly consider the river drift snorkel to experience the Daintree Rainforest in a way you never have before.

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OCEANS Y OUTH & E CO ADVEN T U RE H

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THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËSwim-up Pool Bar and Lap Pool ËAmazing Beach frontage ËSpa ËFish/Bird Feeding

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ËWatersports (additional charge) ËTour Booking Service ËFan Cooled Rooms ËTennis

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RECRUITMENT

Sales & Account Manager Wanted t ZFBST TBMFT FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE t .VTU CF BCMF UP EFBM XJUI UIF EFNBOET PG B XFFLMZ QVCMJDBUJPO BOE EBJMZ EFBEMJOFT t .VTU CF QSFTFOUBCMF BOE IBWF BO FYDFMMFOU QIPOF NBOOFS t *OUFSFTUT JO NVTJD USBWFM FOUFSUBJONFOU B NVTU t &YDFMMFOU PQQPSUVOJUZ UP KPJO B HSPXJOH QVCMJTIJOH IPVTF t (PPE #BTF 4VQFS 5BSHFUFE #POVT t 4QPOTPSTIJQ BWBJMBCMF GPS UIF SJHIU DBOEJEBUF t .VTU CF BWBJMBCMF GPS JNNFEJBUF TUBSU

EMAIL: GUCHI.SHAKIR@WHAT-MEDIA.COM

PHONE: 0410 470 100

BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

:$17 72 ),1' $ -2%" Â&#x;OĂ?OÂ&#x;AĂ&#x192;cÂł Ă?Â&#x2013;lÂ&#x2013;OlĂ&#x192;Ă?Â&#x;yĂ?Ă?Â&#x2C6;lĂ? -" `Ă? Ă&#x2DC;Ă&#x2020;Ă?Ă&#x192;AÂ&#x2019;Â&#x2039;AÂ&#x203A;Ă? Â&#x;Â&#x203A;Ă?Ă&#x192;AYĂ?Ă?-Ă&#x192;Â&#x;ylĂ&#x2020;Ă&#x2020;Â&#x2039;Â&#x;Â&#x203A;AÂ&#x2019;Ă?"AÂ&#x203A;AÂ&#x20AC;lÂ&#x2013;lÂ&#x203A;Ă?Ă? Ă&#x2020;Ă&#x2020;Â&#x;YÂ&#x2039;AĂ?Â&#x2039;Â&#x;Â&#x203A;

To apply for these roles please e-mail your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Sydney Jobs

Apply to tc@freespirit.com.au

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MEDIA SALES CONSULTANT $22 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLES)

CLAIMS $22 PER HOUR (3 MONTH ROLES)

Our client is a newly established on-line media agency seeking a number of experienced outbound call consultants to join their small but busy North Sydney media team.

Leading Australian Insurance company requires reliable travelers for contract role;

You will possess; â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ Highly motivated individual â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Friendly personality This is a great role calling an existing client base. Full training provided.

â&#x20AC;˘ Must have Insurance Claims experience, Home & Content preferred â&#x20AC;˘ Strong Microsoft Office and communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ CBD location â&#x20AC;˘ Young and friendly team, nice offices â&#x20AC;˘ $22 plus super â&#x20AC;˘ Start now for 3 months with a view to extend to 6 months

TELESALES CONSULTANTS $21 PER HOUR

ACCOUNTS PAYABLE/RECEIVABLE $24-$26 PER HOUR

Our Client is seeking experienced Telesales Consultantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with the following criteria:

Do you have accounts payable/receivable experience?? We have clients in the city seeking candidates for immediate start.

â&#x20AC;˘ Minimum of 6 months call centre experience â&#x20AC;˘ English fluency â&#x20AC;˘ Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity â&#x20AC;˘ Strong experience with an aggressive sales attitude â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Financial Services Background would be a Bonus

The ideal candidate will; â&#x20AC;˘ Thrive in a busy environment â&#x20AC;˘ High attention to detail â&#x20AC;˘ At least 2 years experience â&#x20AC;˘ Ability to prioritize workload Assignments are up to 6 months paying $24-$26 an hour. To apply for these roles please email your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Already have a job and want more money? Call 1300 freespirit to ask us about LAFHA.

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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA THINK YOU’RE FUNNIER THAN US? BBM is looking for some new contributors. Want to get you work published in a National magazine and website whilst earning concert tickets, bar tabs, free travel trips, etc. Email ben. harlum@what-media.com or call 02 8231 7706

MELBOURNE PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call Jerry on 03 9867 6322

An MC is required to host an established Backpacker night at inner city pub in Melbourne. We need a BIG personality who is confi dent on the mic, organise games and get people into the party mood. Approx 6 hours per week. Send Resume to Adam Eddington at turf@turfbar. com.au Subject MC postion

SYDNEY TELEMARKETERS – SMILE WHILE YOU DIAL! Working Holidaymakers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be enthusiastic, confi dent, well spoken and able to follow instructions. No experience necessary - Full training given. Base + Commission + Bonus Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362 DATA ENTRY OFFICER – TRAVELLERS WELCOME!! Our Client is seeking an experienced Data Entry Offi cer with the fol lowing criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience. English fl uency. Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity. Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are the right candidate for this role please forward your resume through to mailto:tc@ freespirit.com.au DATA ENTRY POSITIONS VAILABLE NOW! Working Holiday Makers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be Enthusiastic, have a Good Typing Speed, and able to Follow Instructions. Full Training Given. Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362

INDUSTRIOUS RECRUITMENT

is currently looking for casual staff with experience in: Warehousing, Labouring, Stores, Process Work, Green card and safety boots are an advantage – however not essential! Various assignments, short & long term! Email sarah@ industriousrecruitment.com.au or contact Sarah @ (02) 9270 5257

Call Centre Travellers Wanted!

Our Client is seeking travellers with fantastic customer service and sale skills for a 6-8 temp assignment. Your role will be generating leads on behalf of a well established global client through warm and cold calling. Paying $22 Plus Super If you think you are right for the role then please send your detailed resume to tc@freespirit.com.au

FULL TIME – SOUS CHEF Oaks Broome is searching for a qualified and experienced hands-on full time Sous Chef to assist in our Restaurant – 1861. The successful candidate will assist the team to develop the food and beverage operation at our beautiful remote resort. **Sponsorship on 457 Temporary Business Entrant Visa may be considered for the successful candidate if required** Check us out on the web at: www.oakshotelsresorts.com.au To apply, e-mail your CV & cover letter to

oakshr@theoaksgroup.com.au Applications close 09 June 2011.

TO ADVERTISE HERE CALL BBM ON (02) 8231 7701

BBM-611 // CLASSIFIEDS

ADULT EMPLOYMENT

KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road.

Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour

NO SEX

www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD

Female Masseurs Required $115 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team

92997771 (02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au

261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au

GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $115 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team

(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES

135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com

TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS

Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies.Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat. www.club121.com.au info@club121.com.au

-BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV

BBM-611 // CLASSIFIEDS

ACCOMMODATION

SYDNEY

Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms in the heart of the city. Dorm beds single $40 per night or $180 per week, double rooms $80 per night OR $320 per week. Call 02 9211 4454 for details

BONDI JUNCTION Fully Furnished near new Studio apartments. Available for short or long term rental. All bills inc. Close to beach, parks, bars and transport. Ideal for 2 people. From $150 pp/ pw. Call 0405 20 5000

DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION

Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119. APARTMENTS FOR RENT from $280.00 per week. Potts Point area. Ideal for 2 people, fully furnished & bills included. Fully equipped kitchens & bed linen supplied. TV and DVD player. Secure Building. Close to transport [5 mins to city centre], supermarkets, library, parks & restaurants. Short or Long Term available. Suitable for Couples. Please call 0416 500 088 Between 9am to 5pm

Potts Point â&#x20AC;&#x201C; CLOSE TO CITY.

Large Studio in garden complex. Close to Kings Cross station. Suitable for a couple. Fully furnished and equipped with everything you need including TV, linen, crockery, microwave etc. $375pw. Call 0425286445

BBM-611 // ACCOMMODATION

BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $130 per person per week. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840.

MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY

SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!

JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com JACKAROO HOSTEL 107-109 Darlinghurst Road Kings Cross, NSW Ph: (02) 9332 2244 info@jackaroohostel.com www.jackaroohostel.com

PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02 9281 6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com O’MALLEY’S HOTEL 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 Fax: 02 9357 2656 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL

428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au

THE ROYAL HOTEL

370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: 1800 4 or 02 9357 7897 Website: www.KangaHouse.com.au

BYRON BAY

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!

ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

NAMBUCCA HEADS

NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

LAKE TABOURIE

LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES

QUEENSLAND

SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St New Farm Brisbane 0433777061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind Minimum 2 week stay BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865 BRISBANE CITY YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane 4000 Phone: (07) 3236 1004 Fax: (07) 3236 1947 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com

HUNTER VALLEY HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

KATOOMBA

KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

BRISBANE

GOLDCOAST AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au

SURFERS PARADISE YHA AT MAIN BEACH

CAIRNS

SURF N SUN BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS

NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. CAIRNS CENTRAL YHA 20-26 McLeod Street Cairns 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 Fax: (+617) 4031 3158 cairnscentral@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com

Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 Fax: (07) 5571 1747 www.yha.com.au surfersparadise@yha.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com

3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free Call 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com TREKKERS BACKPACKERS 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 BOOKINGS FREECALL : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800 www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

spbr@bigpond.net.au

NOOSA

NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com

HERVEY BAY

NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)

COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free

DREAMTIME TRAVELLERS REST 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph:0740316753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au

MISSION BEACH

ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH

28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com

BBM-611 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

Australia WHITSUNDAYS

BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

AIRLIE BEACH AIRLIE BEACH YHA

394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach 4802 Phone: (07) 4946 6312 or 1800 247 251 Fax: (07) 4946 7053 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL

366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE

Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

RAINBOW BEACH

PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH

WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au

MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966

madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au

www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

MONKEY MIA

MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

KUNUNURRA

KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

BROOME

BEACHES OF BROOME 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

BBM-611 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

VICTORIA MILDURA REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

HALLS GAP

BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au

www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

MELBOURNE EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE CENTRAL YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 Fax: (+613) 9614 7891 melbcentral@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck.

MELBOURNE METRO YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (03) 9329 8599 Fax: (3) 9326 8427 melbmetro@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au

Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception.

EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS MELBOURNE

196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com

Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay

BACK OF CHAPEL 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com

$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS

35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only).

MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS

450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

ST. KILDA JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com

OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au

Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

APOLLO BAY

APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au ECO BEACH YHA ECO-HOSTEL 5 Pascoe Street Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 Fax: (+613) 5237 1136 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au

Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

HALLS GAP

GRAMPIANS YHA ECO-HOSTEL Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 Fax: (+613) 5356 4543 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au

Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

PHILLIP ISLAND

THE ISLANDER 10-12 Phillip Island Tourist Rd, Newhaven, 3925, Phillip Island, Victoria, Australia Ph: (03) 5956 6123 www.theislandaccommodation.com.au

NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au MAJESTIC MINIMA HOTEL 146 Melbourne Street North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Fax: 08 8410 6288 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com ADELAIDE SHAKESPEARE INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS

CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more

SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand CHRISTCHURCH

CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

Fiji

KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

QUEENSTOWN

BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfi ji.comwww beachcomberfi ji.com THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fi jibeachouse.co www.fi jibeachouse.co

NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new fl ashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER

CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfi ji.com Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfi ji.co

AUCKLAND

WELLINGTON

NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com

NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefi eld Stree Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night

$5 off fi rst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off fi rst night if you mention this ad

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfi ji com THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacifi c Harbou P.O.Box 416 Pacifi c Habou Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fi jinadibayhotel.com NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

BBM-611 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

TOURS & ACTIVITIES SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: (07)54 370 211 or 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au

COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES

SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com

The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs

SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au

Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef

SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au

Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

NEW ZEALAND

SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz

SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

FIJI

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA

THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au

SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS

Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

FIJI

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.

TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA

SKYRAIL RAINFOREST CABLEWAY Cnr of Captain Cook Highway and Cairns Western Arterial Road, PO Box 888 Smithfield, Queensland, 4878 Ph: 07 4038 1555 Fax: 07 4038 1888 mail@skyrail.com.au www.skyrail.com.au OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.

BBM-611 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

GOING SOUTH

Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au

TEMPTATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 Fax: (08) 8353 0750 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au

RAFTING

AUSTRALIA

OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au

Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au

HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA

BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

KITESURF 1770 / IKO CER TIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

MARINE CHARTERS AUSTRALIA

ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au

KANGAROO ISLAND MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 Fax: 08 8553 0016 www.kimarineadventures.com

KAYAKING AUSTRALIA

ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: (08) 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au

BIKE RIDING AUSTRALIA

ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

JET BOATING

NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

AUSTRALIA

JET BOAT EXTREME Behind Titanium Bar Ferny Avenue Surfers Paradise Queensland Ph: 0755388890 Mob: 0404099981 info@jetboatextreme.com.au www.jetboatextreme.com.au

ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA

ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022

GLACIER GUIDING NEW ZEALAND

Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

SURFING AUSTRALIA

SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience

MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au

JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au

RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

BUNGY JUMPING AUSTRALIA

AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com

SAND DUNING AUSTRALIA

SAND DUNE ADVENTURES

2163 Nelson Bay Road, Williamtown NSW 2318 Ph: (02) 4965 1733 www.sandduneadventures.com.au book@sandduneadventures.com.au

BREWERY TOURS AUSTRALIA

CARLTON BREWHOUSE

Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets Abbotsford VIC 3067 Ph: (03) 9420 6800 Fax: (03) 9429 4995 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au

SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au

CRYSTAL BALLS

Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week

Gemini

Virgo

isn’t copying fads but thinking

YOUR obsession with the

TIME flies doesn’t it? You have

for yourself?

beach is going to have to

been in Australia for almost 12

stop now the winter nights are

months, meaning you have to

Capricorn

drawing in.

either face up to going home

YOU’RE never happy are you?

or slogging your guts out on a You claim you’re there to top

farm to stay another year.

clear to everyone you’re a

At least that extra 12 months

before deciding you didn’t want

pervert addicted to the sight of

would give you a chance to

it at all. Girls, clothes, jobs

bare flesh.

shag at least one girl during

whatever it is.

Aries

your time here.

PEER pressure is something

Your sunglasses may hide your

that helped you make all your

eyes but they can’t disguise

Libra

decisions at school, but you’re

the direction of your head as

LOOK, you’re pig ugly so get

not on the playground any

you ogle yet another bronzed

over it. You have pulled a fit

Aquarius

more and need to stop allowing

beauty. Or your erection.

bird because you are really a

YOU WERE very popular at

nice guy too.

school and like to revel in those

people around you to decide your destiny.

You’re mental and need help

Cancer

that is beyond even my power.

days still.

IT’S ONE thing to look after

However don’t believe her

If you want to study fine art

your body with a healthy diet,

stories about her parents being

Unfortunately you left school

at the library, don’t let anyone

but your devotion to the latest

strict Catholics so not wanting

some decades ago and the

bully you into a 12-hour stint of

food fads is beyond a joke.

to introduce you, she’s just

years haven’t been kind.

embarrassed because you have

binge drinking instead. Eating horse hair will not stop

a face that makes Thom Yorke

It is with increasing desperation

Mummy’s catchphrase of “if

you losing yours, sipping

look like George Clooney.

you try to convince yourself

Johnny jumped off a cliff would

salmon soup will not make you

you follow him” is still relevant

jump any higher and eating an

Scorpio

aren’t doing better than you, as

in 2008.

apple a day will not keep the

FOR fuck’s sake, you’re 25

they splash you with rainwater

doctor away.

not 45 so stop having ‘quiet

from their Porsches while you

nights in’.

cycle to your supermarket

Taurus

the geeks you bullied in school

IT HAS been the scourge of

Leo

countless celebrities in recent

YOUR star aligns with Uranus

Get out and enjoy yourself,

years. Now you will suffer the

this week. Funnily enough, you

binge drinking and casual sex

You try to convince yourself

embarrassment of a leaked sex

talk out of yours.

isn’t as dignified in your 40s

you’re rock and roll but drinking

and you will regret not living

until you puke every weekend

your life.

isn’t becoming of a man

tape. Lying to people will not impress

nightshift.

The damage done to the

them, it will merely make them

reputation of stars is usually

hate you. Stop trying to be

Sagittarius

not too great because they’re

someone you’re not.

YOU TRY to portray yourself as

Pisces

edgy and informed. Politically

WONDERING why your

sleeping with equally attractive

Talk about the grass is always greener, you get what you want

up your tan and relax, but it’s

approaching 30.

partners. However, when it’s

Look at it from the perspective

aware, well-dressed, in all

favourite beer has started

revealed you’ve shagged

of those obese stinkers with

the coolest clubs with all

tasting suspiciously salty? It’s

someone three times your age

lazy eyes you try to chat up

the coolest people and their

because your ‘mates’ take

on a stairlift before sniffing their

at 2am – if you really owned a

ridiculous hair cuts.

turns to piss in it when you

incontinence pants, you’ll be

mansion, sports car and yacht,

lucky if you avoid living hell

why would you be talking to

Stop being a fashion victim and

why? Your pathetic lies over

from your workmates.

them?

think for yourself, surely cool

pointless topics.

leave for the toilet. The reason

BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

ASK CRYSTAL with her. I’ve been nothing but a

Unfortunately it seems as if

The same thing happened on the

complete gentleman, but it seems

you’re clearly far too sweet

second, third and fourth dates

like she’s a little bit of a wild girl.

to possess either and may be

and then she refused to answer

forced to settle for the fat Goth

my calls and e-mails. I just don’t

geek with braces.

know what I did wrong?

Should I try a different approach?

Denzil, Darwin

I would really appreciate advice from another lady.

Dear Crystal,

Brett, Brisbane

Dear Crystal,

Dear Denzil,

AFTER meeting a girl on a dating

IDEAS? Well I’ve got a few. How

website we seemed to click

about the thought she doesn’t

I HAVE recently met the girl of

Dear Brett,

my dreams and we get on like

FIRST of all, Brett, I’m certainly

immediately and wrote to each

fancy sticking her tongue into a

a house on fire. Deep down I

no lady. But I do share a deep

other regularly for a month.

mouth that smells like a racoon’s

think she feels the same way,

love of one thing with every

but I’m afraid she is a bit out of

female on the planet – money.

We then decided to meet in

my league and may give me a

And lots of it.

person. The conversation

What about the fact your back

was pleasant and I thought it

has more hair than a brown bear,

There is nothing that turns

couldn’t have gone any better,

you haven’t changed your boxers

What is my best approach to get

a girl on faster than a wallet

but my hopes of physical

in six weeks and you’re sniffing

my dream girl? She flirts with

full of platinum cards – apart

contact in the form of a hug or

around at least another dozen

me all the time, but my feelings

from maybe a bad boy with an

kiss were dashed at the end of

girls online? Might that have

run deeper and I think I’m in love

expensive coke habit.

the night.

anything to do with her silence?

crushing rejection.

arse and tastes worse.

Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail Crystal via editor@britishballs.com

TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS

JOKES

I WAS at a restaurant with my vegetarian girlfriend yesterday. As I was about to tuck into my steak, she asked: “Enjoying your meat, murderer?” I wish we could go just one day without her mentioning the fact that I killed her mum. John, Brisbane

I WAS trying to pull a girl so I asked her ‘What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of “pensi”?’ When I got her back to my bedroom I revealed the answer was my spine. Thomas, Brisbane

MAX Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer? Max Factor should make condoms. Timothy, Perth

I’M red all over. From my head tomatoes. Frank, Cairns

WHEN my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. Terry, Bondi MENTAL NOTE: Actual notes work better. Todd, Wigan I WENT out and bought FIFA the other day. It’s great being president of Qatar. Peter, Coogee TOP three reasons to stand up: 1) To get the remote 2) To go to the bathroom 3) Because you’re the real Slim Shady. Ted, Bronte BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

THE US X Factor sacked Cheryl Cole because audiences couldn’t understand her. How come when I sacked Mohammed for the same reason, I ended up in front of a tribunal for unfair dismissal on grounds of racism? Jimmy, Edgecliff MY mum won the Irish Lottery. Now she owes them six million quid. Jack, Bondi I THINK my wife has gone mental. I asked her what she was reading, but she just ignored me and said, “Hello Magazine.” Johnny, Randwick

SCOREBOARD LEAGUE TABLES SERIE A

PREMIER LEAGUE

PlWDL+/-Pts AC Milan38241044182 Internazionale3823782776 Napoli38217102070 Udinese38206122266 Lazio38206121666 AS Roma3818911763 Juventus381513101058 Palermo3817516-556 Fiorentina38121511551 Genoa3814915-251 Chievo38111314-246 Parma38111314-846 Catania38121016-1246 Cagliari3812917-745 Cesena38111017-1243 Bologna38111215-1742 Lecce3811819-2041 Sampdoria3881218-1636 Brescia3871120-1832 Bari385924-2924

PlWDL+/-Pts Manchester United38231144180 Chelsea3821893671 Manchester City3821892771 Arsenal38191182968 Tottenham Hotspur3816148962 Liverpool38177141558 Everton38131510654 Fulham38111611649 Aston Villa38121214-1148 Sunderland38121115-1147 West Brom38121115-1547 Newcastle United38111314-146 Stoke City3813718-246 Bolton Wanderers38121016-446 Blackburn Rovers38111017-1343 Wigan Athletic3891514-2142 Wolves3811720-2040 Birmingham City3881515-2139 Blackpool3810919-2339 West Ham United3871219-2733

SCOTTISH PREMIER

LA LIGA PlWDL+/-Pts FC Barcelona3830627496 Real Madrid3829546992 Valencia CF3821892071 Villarreal CF38188121062 Sevilla FC3817714158 Athletic Bilbao3818416458 Atlético Madrid3817714958 RCD Espanyol3815419-949 Osasuna3813817-147 Sporting Gijón38111413-747 Málaga CF3813718-1446 Racing Santander38121016-1546 Real Zaragoza3812917-1345 Levante UD3812917-1145 Real Sociedad3814321-1745 Getafe CF3812818-1144 RCD Mallorca3812818-1544 Deportivo La Coruña38101315-1643 Hércules CF389821-2435 UD Almería3861220-3430

PlWDL+/-Pts Rangers3830355993 Celtic3829546392 Heart of Midlothian3818911863 Dundee United38171011561 Kilmarnock38131015-249 Motherwell3813718-2046 Inverness38141113853 St. Johnstone38111116-2044 Aberdeen3811522-2038 Hibernian3810721-2237 St. Mirren388921-2433 Hamilton Academical3851122-3526

FOOTBALL RESULTS

FANTASY FOOTBALL

Thursday, 2 June International Match Canada 2-2 Ecuador Mexico 3-0 New Zealand

2010/11 FINAL STANDINGS! # TEAM MANAGER GW

Wednesday, 1 June International Match Japan 0-0 Peru Nigeria 4-1 Argentina Ukraine 2-0 Uzbekistan

TOT

1 alovelycupoftea James Horrocks 50

2163

2 Stop, Hammertime! Paul Steadman 40 3 Dizzying Heights FC Siva Iyer 34

2116

2024

5 Alan’s Deep Bath jason kerley 38

2023

1991

7 TippytappyFC Richie Egan 41

9 Mukin Fagic Luke Gately 37

1955

(in PJ O ’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $500 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100

1930 1915

12 bobby dazzlerz tom mcelwain 22 13 Tallulah Neil Weaver 40

Prizes

1931

10 The Roosters Steven Cairns 50 11 Arsenal Brian Harvey 56

WE’RE still wai ting for one of the winners to get in touch with us regarding their prize. If you’r e out there fella, get back to us ASA P!

1987

8 ur ma’s athletic brian o gorman 39

1891

1885

14 Rootin & Tootin Oisin Coveney 28

1883

15 Holy-family ‘B’ team Pat Mustard 16

1873

16 Insert Name Here Utd Richard Gadsby 28 17 fi sty cuffs fc Marc Roche 32 18 Dinamo Kraken Tom Hopkins 37 19 Multiple Scorgasms Robert Carry 49 20 match fi xers;) Dermy Donnelly 38

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2065

4 every week you dan magee 30

6 Alcohol Fc Ron f 45

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, 30 May Npower Championship Reading 2-4 Swansea League of Ireland Premier Division Derry City 6-0 Galway Utd Drogheda Utd 0-1 Bray Shamrock Rovers 1-0 Bohemians Sligo 1-0 Dundalk UCD 1-3 St Patricks -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 29 May Npower League One Huddersfi eld 0-3 Peterboroug Carling Nations Cup Rep of Ireland 1-0 Scotland International Match El Salvador 2-2 Honduras Germany 2-1 Uruguay -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 28 May Uefa Champions League Barcelona 3-1 Man Utd Npower League Two Stevenage 1-0 Torquay International Match Mexico 1-1 Ecuador --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1872

Friday, 27 May 2011 Carling Nations Cup Wales 2-0 Northern Ireland

1861

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1860

Thursday, 26 May League of Ireland Premier Division Bohemians 1-0 UCD Bray 1-0 Shamrock Rovers Dundalk 1-0 Derry City Galway Utd 1-2 Drogheda Utd

1856 1856

BBM-611 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

.com.au

CAIRNS

7KH 1RUWKHUQ *UHHQKRXVH ÂªÂ´WV LQWR WKH EXGJHW category with dorm accommodation and a ODLG EDFN YLEH EXW WKLV SODFH LV D FXW DERYH WKH RWKHU EDFNSDFNHUV JRRG SODFH WR PHHW SHRSOH Â«

- Lonely Planet (our hostel is their TOP PICK!)

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backpacker! Where we stayed, amazing

Having fun in the sun , Great Barrier Re ef.

! +

117 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 FREECALL: 1800 000 541 T +61 (0)7 4047 7200 F +61 (0)7 4041 6822 E northern@friendlygroup.com.au

MON

>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; - 9-35/-88E 45001: >-5:2;>1?@ ?C5995:3 4;81

TUE

>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; @41 81/71> ;@-:5/-8 ->01:?

WED

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THU

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Bragging Rights

WORLD SPORT O’NEAL IS SHAQ-ED OUT BASKETBALL: We only know two basketballers from the eighties and it’s the one who doesn’t have aids who’s back in the news this week after f nally announcing his retirement. After a long-running battle with an Achilles injury, Shaquille O’Neal, 74, posted a video on Twitter revealing his intention to step down from his duties at the Boston Celtics to give them a chance to bring in younger talent. Not that he’d bothered to actually tell them that, with

“We did it. Nineteen years baby. I want to thank you very much, that’s why I’m telling you f rst, I’m about to retire,” O’Neal garbled. O’Neal ranks f fth on the all-time NBA scoring list with 28,596 points, was named as the league’s Most Valuable Player in 2000 and has also been named NBA Finals MVP on three occasions.

a spokesperson for the club conf rming the player had not notif ed them of his plans.

HOT TO TROTT CRICKET: One-man run machine Jonathan Trott (right) has picked up the England Player of the Year gong this week, basically for his efforts in royally shafting the Aussies in the Ashes. And is if to underline his credentials, Trott tonked a nifty double century to help England to a shock innings victory against Sri Lanka in the f rst Test at Cardiff. A draw looked almost certain after England declared 96 runs ahead on a rain-affected f nal day. But the Sri Lankans collapsed faster than a spineless FIFA executive, and were all out for 82 with Chris Tremlett and Greame Swann taking four wickets each.

DOWN IN THE DUMPS ATHLETICS: Street dumper Paula Radcliffe f nished third in the Bupa London 10,000m on her comeback from an 18-month absence. Jo Pavey stole the show as she f nished ahead of Gemma Steel in an time of 32 minutes 23 seconds with Radcliffe, 37, almost a minute behind. “For me it was a bit of a disaster,” said Radcliffe while squatting behind a skip.

In BBM circles, however, he is most famous for his abortion of a computer game – Shaq Fu – possibly one of the worst franchise cash-ins we’ve ever played.

BLACK COMEDY FORMULA ONE: Not exactly known for his ready wit and comedic talent, Lewis Hamilton has been forced to apologise following his latest failed attempt at humour. After coming sixth in the Monaco Grand Prix, a raging Hamilton slagged off stewards for twice being penalised. Asked why, he replied, apparently in jest: “Maybe it’s because I’m black. That’s what Ali G says.” He later tweeted: “Hey guys, I wanted to apologise for my performance and my comments after. I never meant to offend anyone.”

BROUGH DEAL RUGBY LEAGUE: Danny Brough has become the rugby league equivalent of Robert the Bruce (the made-up Braveheart version) after selling out his countrymen to join the English. The Huddersf eld rugby league star is set for his England debut against the Exiles on June 10 - just eight months after playing for the Scots. International rules let players switch countries but Scotland say he pledged to stick with them until 2013. “I didn’t get looked after by them in any way, shape or form. The whole thing just wasn’t right,” he och-ayed,

WALES MEET AGAIN RUGBY: Former Charlotte Church shagger, Gavin Henson, will make his f rst Wales appearance for two years in the capped Test with the Barbarians in Cardiff. Perma-tan Henson has not played for Wales since the 2009 Six Nations Championship and is now unattached after leaving Toulon – and his missus.

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FOOTBALL

NEWS ROUND-UP

BARCELONA: THE BENCHMARK THE European club football season came to its climax with everyone having the privilege of watching a Barcelona training session. It was meant to be a Champions League f nal but Manchester United were non-existent. Wayne Rooney asked Sir Alex who was supporting him up front. BBM was certain we saw Javier Hernandez in the starting line up, but he was nowhere to be seen. If one thing was conf rmed, it’s that United will need to undergo major surgery over the summer if they want to topple Barca. So it will be so long to Dimitar Berbatov - even his 20 goals could not save him. Maybe they had no chance of winning against a team dubbed the best in the world before the season had even started. Having the three best players in the world can also be helpful. It was one of the few times that Barcelona have actually let the football do the talking rather than their other talent for acrobatics. As diff cult as it is for BBM to admit, for this season only, Barcelona were the best team when it came to football and diving. So no fairy tale ending for retiring 65-year-old Edwin Van Der Sar but he can take some comfort from the fact that if it had not been for him, the score may have ended 8-1. Gooners can brag about their win against Barcelona, and Real Madrid can keep their Copa Del Ray trophy, for Barcelona have outclassed them all. And if United are the best England can produce, what does it say about the other teams in the Premier League? It’s time to spend big and get rid of the useless players. Get ready for a summer of money being thrown around and players f nding out their lockers have been cleared. - Lorna Evio Twitter: sportswithheart

TALL ORDER FOR WENGER “HE’S gotta be, so macho! He’s gotta be so macho! He’s gotta be big and strong – enough to turn me on,” sang Arsene Wenger this week after admitting he’s in the market for a big burly defender. The Arsenal kiddy f ddler felt his team conceded too many goals to set pieces last season and needed beef ng up at the back. Of his need for a beef injection, Wenger said: “We need to improve the size of our squad. We need a bigger variety in the height of our players.” MARK Hughes’s medical condition has worsened with his severe case of itchy feet forcing him out of yet another club. The Welsh nomad quit Fulham this week after being heavily linked with the vacant Aston Villa position. “I would also like to take this opportunity to clarify that neither myself nor my representative have approached or have been approached by another club,” said Hughes before hanging up quickly in case Aston Villa were trying to get through. THE FA has leapt into action to try and give youth football in England an edge over our European rivals – by using the same system that our opponents on the Continent adopted several

AFTER a Manchester United career spanning 17 years, 676 appearances and 973 late tackles, Paul Scholes has retired from football with immediate effect. “This was not a decision I have taken lightly but I feel now is the right time for me to stop playing,” drilled the 36-year-old as 11 Barcelona players ran rings around him.

years ago. The new plans will ban children from playing 11a-side games until under-13 level. UPTON Park can expect a season of hoofball in the Championship next season following the arrival as Sam Allardyce as West Ham manager. “I wouldn’t have taken this job if I didn’t think we could bounce straight back into the Premier League,” he roared.

WITH Wayne Rooney suspended, Peter Crouch struggling with back trouble and Bobby Zamora picking up a hip injury – Darren Bent is England’s only 100 per cent f t striker for tonight’s clash with Switzerland. God help us.

STICKING with the muppets in charge at West Ham, chairman David Sullivan has laughed off a bid to buy the club from Formula One mogul Tony Fernandes. “Tony Fernandes wanted to buy 51% of the club for two bob,” he guffawed.

FOOTBALL’S equivalent of the pay-as-you-go plan, Michael Owen, has been handed a one-year extension at Manchester United. Blooddrinker Dimitar Berbatov also wants to stay. “If I were an easy quitter, I would never have made it this far,” said in-denial Berbatov.

MOMENTARILY forgetting the fact that Chelsea are legally obliged to only play players who cost an obscene amount of money, former Cheryl shagger, Ashley Cole, says Daniel Sturridge can have a big impact at Chelsea next season. “I’ve seen him in training and he’s honestly one of the hardest players I’ve ever had to mark. His movement is unreal,” kissassed Cole.

STOKE have denied they will sign Carlton Cole. “We’ve not made a single bid,” laughed chairman Peter Coates.

THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE! with ace pundit Chris Kamara

A Manchester City fan has had the Manchester United emblem tattooed on his chest after losing a bet to a friend. Rodney Ward bet United supporter Paul Madden that City would f nish higher in the league this year. “I’m embarrassed as anything but it could have been worse if United had won the Champions League too,” said the 24-year-old. “As it is I’ll just have to grin and bear the fact I’ve got a United logo on my chest.” Unbelievable Jeff!

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FOOTBALL

FEATURE

SEPP’S EMPIRE STRIKES BACK BBM’S thoughts on Sepp Blatter have been well-documented over the years. Basically, if you replace the comic Swiss accent with the rumbling voice of pure evil, he’s The Emperor from Star Wars – desperately clinging to power through manipulation, intimidation and a posse of easily corrupted minions while blindly ignoring the needs of his subjects to follow his own personal agenda. We also heard he f res blue lightning from his f ngertips at journalists who ask too many questions. And by comparing the events at FIFA this week with the Star Wars timeline, old Sepp should be luring a young farm boy into f ghting his dad on the Death

Star right about now as he seems pretty conf dent that FIFA’s rebel forces will soon be crushed. “Football belongs to everyone and we are in charge!” was Blatter’s paradoxical battle cry this week following his successful re-election as FIFA president. Considering he got his only election rival - Mohammed Bin Hammam - kicked out of the contest on corruption charges (if that didn’t work, he was going to freeze him in carbonite), it wasn’t exactly the biggest surprise.

Such wisdom and foresight naturally makes BBM the equivalent of Yoda in this slightly stretched tale of galactic megalomania. But the big surprise is that the role of the dashing young blond hero f ghting for justice and the greater good is none other than our own homegrown bunglers the English FA. Knowing full well it would make them as popular as pubic lice in a wookie colony, the FA nevertheless tried to get

FIFA to delay the farce of an election until the strong whiff of corruption had been dealt with. The suggestion died on its arse - although of the 206 votes, 16 other countries backed up England and a further 17 abstained, suggesting perhaps that not everything’s rosy in the garden of FIFA. “There’s no bad feeling with the associations that didn’t vote for me,” said Sepp with all the sincerity of a Sith Lord. He then laughed evilly before adding: “As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the f repower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!”

...TOP FIVE STUPID SEPP BLATTER QUOTES... “LET THE WOMEN PLAY IN MORE FEMININE CLOTHES LIKE THEY DO IN VOLLEYBALL. THEY COULD, FOR EXAMPLE, HAVE TIGHTER SHORTS.”

You heard it girls. If the women’s game wants to move forward, it’s time to break out the hotpants.

“FEMALE PLAYERS ARE PRETTY, IF YOU EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING SO, AND THEY ALREADY HAVE SOME DIFFERENT RULES TO MEN - SUCH AS PLAYING WITH A LIGHTER BALL.” As the head of world football, you’d think he’d know that the women’s game is played with the same ball as the men.

“I THINK IN FOOTBALL, THERE’S TOO MUCH MODERN SLAVERY, IN TRANSFERRING PLAYERS OR BUYING PLAYERS HERE AND THERE, AND PUTTING THEM SOMEWHERE.”

Like a modern-day Abe Lincoln, Sepp speaks out against the treatment of Cristiano Ronaldo after his cruel masters at Man Utd refused to allow him out of his slave-like £100,000-a-week contract to move to Real Madrid.

“I’D SAY THEY [GAY FANS] SHOULD REFRAIN FROM ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES.” Sepp’s simple solution to staging a World Cup in Qatar where homosexuality is illegal. In a nutshell - stop being gay.

“I RECEIVED ONCE AN ENVELOPE, WHEN I WAS SECRETARY GENERAL AND IN THIS ENVELOPE THERE WAS AN AMOUNT OF MONEY. I COULDN’T REFUSE BECAUSE HE PUT IT IN MY POCKET. I CAME HOME HERE TO FIFA AND GAVE IT TO THE FINANCE DIRECTOR AND HE PUT THIS MONEY ON THE ACCOUNT OF THE SWISS BANK CORPORATION.... THEN IT WAS SPECIFICALLY KNOWN THAT PLEASE DON’T TRY TO GIVE MONEY TO SOMEBODY WHO’S IN THE FIFA.” Incorruptible Sepp proudly reveals he once turned down a bribe. Why someone putting it in his pocket means he couldn’t refuse it remains a mystery. As does the reason why he never reported the person who tried to buy him off.

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SPORT GUIDE

Contents PAGE 72 Football Feature: Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the return of Blatt Man... can the FA stop him? Spoiler alert: No.

72 68

PAGE 70 Football News: Wenger gets high as Arsenal think big for next season. PAGE 68 World Sport: A basketball star and martial arts master retires. PAGE 66 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables.

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