CONTENTS ISSUE 609
The Cover
Review
THE DEPPS OF HELL - 6 Researchers have f nally answered the age-old question, whose more related to the Queen; Johnny Depp or Prince Phillip?
FESTIVAL FEVER - 16 After a f erce battle with BBM’s advertising warlords, we have reclaimed a half page of Reviews under The Wrap. This week we tackle two major festivals.
Regulars
Interview
Sport
ELEANOR McEVOY - 14 One of Ireland’s most accomplished singer / songwriters, Eleanor is on her way to Australia.
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - 80 Feel the excitement! Barcelona and Man U f ght for the Champions League title and BBM has the details.
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GOSSIP INTERVIEWS WRAP SOAPS UK NEWS IRISH NEWS WORLD NEWS SYDNEY MELBOURNE PERTH QUEENSLAND FIJI FEATURE RECRUITMENT CLASSIFIEDS HOSTEL LISTINGS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES SCOREBOARD SPORT
BBM MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon
john.mcmahon@what-media.com
EDITOR Ben Harlum
ben.harlum@what-media.com
SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby
richard.gadsby@what-media.com
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UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir
hannah.shakir@what-media.com
CONTRIBUTORS Jeremy Williams, David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Alexandra McIntyre, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Sian Gammie, Eleni Pitman, Robin Lewis, James Stapleton, Sinead O’ Shaughnessy, Des Penny and Renee Van Kraanen Photography INTERNS Alex McIntyre, Amy Bloemendaal and Sian Gammie HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard
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WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber
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ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin ADVERTISING Joe Smith
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Donna Parry Alex Williams Dave Hudson ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS MANAGER Tom Shakir tom.shakir@what-media.com
SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir PRINTED BY Spotpress
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GOSSIP DEPP’S ROYAL RACERELATION ROW IN the most contrived attempt to have a crack at Pippa Middleton we’ve heard yet, Captain Johnny Depp-Sparrow reckons he’s related to the Queen. Nice try Johnny (pictured in full Pirates of the Caribbean attire, right), but you’re a bit late for a wedding invite. You’ll have to settle for constantly having your cock sucked by Tim Burton instead. “When I examined Johnny’s history I discovered a likely connection to the royal family,” said Dr Nick Barratt, a researcher for BBC’s Who Do You Think You Are? “I believe the balance of probability is that there is indeed a link between Depp and the royals. I doubt we’ll ever be able to prove it 100 per cent.” Little proof of a genetic link with the royal family? Is it possible he’s got the Pirates of the Caribbean star mixed up with Prince Harry? Mind you, if Depp does get his Edward Scissorhands on Pippa’s regal rump, that’s one pirate DVD we would like to watch. Phwoar crikey!
THE F-WIT
WATT’S WRONG? IT seems like most of the world is mad at Sean Penn for dating Scarlett Johansson. BBM was crushed at f rst. But now we’ve come to terms with it. We just weren’t what Sean was looking for. Penn has apparently fallen out with bestie Naomi Watts over his new relationship. According to, well, everyone in Hollywood, the split came after Watts warned Penn about the pitfalls of dating the young actress. Pitfalls? We read this story days ago and we haven’t thought of any. “I’m fucking her. I just don’t see how that’s a bad thing,” said Sean as he popped another Viagra.
COMPLETE fuck-wit (but sort of awesome) Gordon Ramsay (pictured) has ticked another box in his quest to become the most hated man on telly. Ramsay’s mother-in-law Greta Hutcheson is planning to sue him in a UK employment bureau.
BBM has no other option but to assume the world is ending.
Greta is claiming unlawful termination, unpaid overtime and breach of contracts. To add insult to injury, her son and grandson are f ling similar actions.
Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber have taken two of the top three spots on this year’s Forbes Celebrity 100 list making them among the most powerful celebrities around.
“The whole family is upset with Gordon,” said a distant relative he swore at. Ramsay’s response was too vulgar, even for BBM.
NO HUGH AND A HALF MEN AS much as we love to hate douchebags like Ashton Kutcher, it will be sort of interesting to see how they f t him, his terrible acting, and his enormous ego onto the set of Two And A Half Men. After signing a deal the smarmy bastard crawled right up Sheen’s arse, “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people.” We would’ve preferred Hugh Grant mumbling his way through the show.
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Kutcher, who won an Oscar for his role in Cheaper By The Dozen, will be paid only a fraction of Sheen’s $2 million an episode. Guesses put him at around $800 000 per show. And, if Sheen wins his court case, he will still be owed his $2 million an episode, even if he’s not in them.
It was bad enough when Oprah was in charge, but this could really get out of control. Gaga’s 32 million Facebook fans and 10 million Twitter followers helped her get to the top spot, as well as a measly $90 million in earnings. She might be inf uential, but she’ll never fully convince BBM that she’s all there upstairs. Or downstairs for that matter.
“I just fucked a whore,” said Sheen, as he fucked a whore.
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GOSSIP DELTA’S NEW BOYFRIEND IN terrible news for lovers of warbling, Delta Goodrem’s cancer is back. Shame. Even worse is that it’s manifested itself in the form of teenage Christian virgin Nick Jonas. Vomit. As much as we love to hate Brian McFadden at least he was a bit badass and a lot more age appropriate. Apparently 26-year-old Delta and 18-year-old Jonas were seen holding hands and Nick is all gooey on Twitter.
IN keeping with her famous philosophy of keeping her personal and private life removed from her public f gure, Paris Hilton is planning to get engaged on TV.
on screen as part of The World According To Paris.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER IS:
THE INSEMINATOR IN news from 14 years ago, it seems Arnie knocked up his housekeeper at the same time that wife Maria Shriver was expecting their fourth child. No wonder she “terminated” that marriage. Sorry. According to Hollywood, Arnie has known the child was his since it was a toddler, but failed to tell Shriver until this year, just after he left off ce. Sadly, gone are the days where Arnie talks openly about orgies out the back of body-building competitions. This is all he’s going to give us.
And if we know Paris, when she says everything she really means it.
How beautiful. The 30-year-old Hollywood hooker says that although she has no immediate plans to marry boyfriend Cy Waits everything that happens in their relationship will be shown
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Personally, BBM misses Paris’ sex-tape days and really wishes she’d get back to her bleached roots.
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INTERVIEW bachelor girl
It has been just under twenty years since they f rst met, thirteen years since their f rst album and seven years since they split. So what has to prompted Melbourne duo Bachelor Girl (Tania Doko and James Roche) release their greatest hits and head out on the road again? Roche explains to Jeremy Williams, “it is interesting, after not doing had something for a while, you get to appreciate what you had. We going been working together for nearly 12 years and maybe it is like start out with the same boyfriend or girlfriend for twelve years, you s of taking it for granted. You are not quite in touch with the greatnes it anymore.”
home in Melbourne for a while, they decided to grab the bull by the and revisit old ground.
horns
n The f rst step of their reformation comes in the shape of the compilatio contains album Loved & Lost: The Best Of Bachelor Girl. While the album highlights from the pair’s two albums to date, it also contains four previously unreleased tracks, the lead single of which is Radio. And Rather than taking the route of re-releasing their biggest hit Buses of it. Trains, the pair felt “it is a killer. I have always been a huge fan be the For me it has always been a stand out song, so why not let it business card for the new material?”
Having had a friendly break-up, prompted by the dissolution of Gotham home Records, the pair have always remained close. While Roche set up world as in the UK for several years, Doko has been travelling around the be a vocalist and songwriter. Yet, when they found that they would both
May 28th: Forum Melbourne, June 3rd: Basement Sydney, June 4th: Governor Hindmarsh Adelaide
INTERVIEW
... but don’t print that.
tiki taane
ght up with the ALEX MCINTYRE cau New Zealand band g din lea of er former memb s his upcoming cus dis to b Salmonella Du arrested... ting get , shows and, yes more of your Is this tour going to be or is there more of a ff stu tic rge ene ic, dynam going on? chilled out aesthetic and a half hours, two be to ng goi is The show There will be an e. tim le who the e I’ll be onstag stuff then I put ic ust aco my hour of me doing rds and start kwa bac hat my down my guitar, turn really into ting get and me MCing with Optimus Gry the heavy dub-step. sted at a gig in You were recently arre h “disorderly wit d rge cha and ga Taruan ce” for reciting len vio se cau to ly behaviour like ice when the Pol Tha k Fuc lyrics of N.W.A’s htclub you nig the rch sea police came in to were playing in. dges has asked you Tarunga MP Simon Bri the song you wrote of ds cee pro the to donate m to Sing, to the edo Fre ; nce erie exp about the you say to that? did at wh d, Fun e Police Welfar proceeds would the said and I laughed at him a tropical Island to ily fam his go to the Tiki takes
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fund. He’s a douchebag
s it change your view Has it changed / doe controversial music? s of NZ’s attitude toward night? How did you view the police off cer who one just was it ely nat Unfortu fs came back and put cuf got really upset so he come up to me e hav ice pol ny ma on me. So so I hand and apologised since and shaken my he’s a dick ks thin ne ryo Eve . think it was just him ues. now, even his colleag
Present, Future was Your last album Past, been working on you e hav 7 200 in d release this one since then? olutely bananas The last album went abs it. For the f rst h wit g nin run n so I’ve just bee was just touring two and a half years I milked it the fuck out of it and I nI as much as I could the realised I should make the another album, I have w chance to work with Ne d Zealand’s most talente artists here. May 21st: The HiFi, QLD May 27th: Selina’s, NSW May 28th: Corner Hotel, VIC
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INTERVIEW ELEANOR McEVOY
know better, you do better.”
Never one to shy away from the big issues, Eleanor McEvoy’s music has evolved and developed over time and there’s a reason why she’s beloved back in Ireland. ALEX McINTYRE caught up with Eleanor on the eve of her Australian tour.
Your albums have all tended to be quite different. From folk to grunge to jazz you have covered quite a lot of ground, what would you say this album’s sound was? I’ve always had trouble trying to label what I do, I’ve always gone where my musical heart has taken me, rather than follow any sensible commercial route. The best genre I can come up with for I’d Rather Go Blonde is the indie end of the folk spectrum.
This is your eighth album in a career that has spanned over twenty years, do you feel older and wiser? I still feel pretty young actually! But def nitely feel a lot wiser. I wish I’d had some of that wisdom when I was younger, but “when you
You are advertised as not shying away from ‘big issues’, what were the most important things for you to write about on this album? I never intended to take on the world for this album! But Ireland is going through extraordinary times and we have been shockingly let down by
our established institutions, the Government, the banks and of course the Catholic Church which has always had a massive inf uence over the country. How many instruments do you play in these shows coming up? What can the audience expect? Mostly electric guitar, acoustic guitar, violin and where logistics allow, piano. If you go home without having laughed, cried, feeling like I’ve been reading your diary and emails, then I need to up my game. How many instruments can you actually play? I play about ten badly, another four adequately, two reasonably well, and I’m very prof cient on one.
TOUR DATES
27th May: Barossa Gallery 28th May: Promethian, Adelaide 2nd June: Cat & Fiddle, Balmain 3rd June: Illawarra Folk Club 10 - 13 June: National Celtic Festival, VIC Plus regional dates...
COMPETITIONS FROM the heart of Cuba, to four sell-out seasons BBM is thrilled to give away a gold package to one lucky reader. The gold package includes: in London’s West End and playing to packed houses all over the world, the smash-hit Cuban dance spectacular Havana Rakatan f nally comes A Two-Course Dinner for Two Two Interval Drinks to Sydney. An Opera House Tour and Two tickets to see Havana Rakatan on Taking over the Opera Theatre for a high-energy opening night, June 8th. season in June, Havana Rakatan is a sexy feelgood show that unleashes a Cuban heatwave of live music from 7-piece band Turquino and Cuba’s To win this prize (worth over $400), visit bbmlive.com/competitions.html hottest dancers, who embody the passion and party spirit of the Caribbean’s most musical island.
THE Rock returned to the WWE to host the blockbuster Wrestlemania 27, making his presence felt in the John Cena vs. The Miz main event.
DON’T sit down, not because we moved your chair but because the Arctic Monkeys release their highly anticipated fourth album Suck It And See.
Other matches include The Undertaker vs. Triple H and CM Punk vs. Randy Orton.
To celebrate the new album’s release, BBM is giving away three pize packs: Limited Edition vinyl plus the back catalogue: Whatever You Think I Am That’s What I’m Not, Favourite Worst Nightmare and Humbug.
BBM has f ve copies of the threedisc special edition DVD to give away (which is in stores now).
WITH four sizzling hot volumes already under its belt, the RAW series comes storming back for another year with the actionpacked f fth compilation & tour in the series, RAW 2011.
INSIDIOUS is the terrifying story of a family who, shortly after moving, discover that dark spirits have possessed their home and that their son has inexplicably fallen into a coma.
BBM has a bunch of RAW 2011 CD’s to give away.
BBM has a limited number of double passes left to give away, so get in quick!
TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM 14
Insidious is in cinemas now.
COMPETITIONS.HTML BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
THE WRAP AFTER dazzling audiences in 2007, jazz rock icons Steely Dan are returning for an encore tour in October. In a real treat, British vocalist Steve Winwood will be the special guest.
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Sydney: October 25th Melbourne: October 27th Plus A Day on the Green dates. SOME of Australia’s favourite comedians will embark on Sydney’s Cargo Bar for Tuesday Night Comedy, starting May 31st. When: Tuesdays, 8pm Where: Cargo Bar, King Street Wharf Cost: $15 for the show, $30 for prebooked show and dinner.
ON THE BRIGHTSIDE is set to bring some of the hottest acts from Australia and abroad to Perth for one big, beautiful, sonic extravaganza. Lineup: The Hives, Pulp, Modest Mouse, The Kills, and more When: Saturday 23rd July Where: Supertop at Esplanade Park
WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE
FILM
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$3
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$1
4
$17
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2
$3
THOR
£1
3
£11
FAST & FURIOUS 5
£1
4
£15
ATTACK THE BLOCK
£1
1
£1
THOR
$35
1
$119
BRIDESMAIDS
$26
2
$26
FAST & FURIOUS 5
$20
1
$170
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
$ IN MILLIONS HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE
MUSIC
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LMFAO
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GIVE ME EVERYTHING
PITBULL
JESSIE J
PRICE TAG
LAST WEEK
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BRUNO MARS
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7
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LMFAO
PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
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WHERE THEM GIRLS AT
DAVID GUETTA
3
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PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
THE LAZY SONG
ADELE
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KATY PERRY
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JENNIFER LOPEZ
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ROLLING IN THE DEEP E.T.
ON THE FLOOR
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
REVIEWS
BLUESFESTCOACHELLA VENUE
DATES
FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.
April 21 - 26th
RATING
Byron Bay, NSW
VENUE
DATES
Bossypants
Ben Harper amazed the audience with a two hour set and played all of his great songs, including Diamonds On the Inside and With My Own Two Hands. THE 22nd Bluesfest in Byron Bay had a massive lineup to offer with many icons of the music industry. The festival was headlined by Bob Dylan, the legend of the ‘60s protest movement, BB King the King of Blues and one of the greatest guitarists of all time, and Grace Jones, showstopper and musical powerhouse. Every music style was covered, from rock to blues, to reggae, to country and to soul. Every taste in music was satisf ed. Michael Franti & Spearhead offered an awesome show and you could feel a special vibe because the entire tent was trapped in joy while he was playing.
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When BB King entered the stage, he electrif ed the atmosphere and the crowd went crazy when he started playing his guitar. Grace Jones offered an awesome show, changing her dress for every song. Bob Dylan easily convinced the crowed with his rough voice and his skills on the guitar and the harmonica. Each artist performed an outstanding show and made the Bluesfest a stunning event. That’s one of the reasons why Bluesfest has been announced as the Australian Festival of the Year. Holger Synowzik
RATING
Empire Polo Fields, California, USA me towards the main stage just in time to be treated to a selection from their back catalogue. I was starkly reminded of what a good band they are, and my love for them was re-ignited. That is, until the opening chords of Sex on Fire.
EVERY April, California plays host to a three-day festival unlike any other. With incredible headliners and a festival site surrounded by palm trees against a mountainous backdrop beyond, it’s no wonder why music lovers from around the world f y here for a few days of fun in the sun. Set in the lush grass of the Empire Polo Fields, Indio is an oasis in the desert, where the mercury easily pushes 35ºC. This year’s festival promises to be a memorable weekend, even if the beer does cost $9 a pop. Here are some highlights... Kings of Leon While in no hurry to see them, the strains of Molly’s Chamber pulled
Chemical Brothers Chemical Brothers whipped a crowd that were already pumped into a frenzy. The light show was astounding, the sound top quality. Banging out classic tunes, the atmosphere reminded me of the illegal raves of the early 90’s and looking round all I could see was a mass of bouncing, smiling faces. Arcade Fire The chirpy tones of Wyn Butler carried on the breeze and reverberated through my brain conjuring an overwhelming feeling of bliss and contentment. What an end to a beautiful Saturday. Vanessa Higgins
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THE SNOWY MOUNTAINS FOR some people, it will be hard to believe that a country as hot and parched as Australia has a mountain range called the Snowy Mountains. You better believe it. They sit on the Great Dividing Range, on the border with New South Wales and Victoria as part of the Australian Alps, and come under the umbrella of the Kosciuszko National Park. When BBM longs for a cold, London day, we head to the snow so trust us when we say that these are the hot picks (excuse the pun) of the region...
PERISHER BLUE: Australia’s largest ski resort, Perisher Blue resides 600km southwest of Sydney. Originally used as a large summer pasture for cattle, Perisher Blue now play hosts to an amalgation of skiing options. Comprised of four separate villages - Perisher Valley, Smiggin Holes, Guthega, Blue Cow - Perisher has a wide range of nightlife choices to select from.
JINDABYNE: Jindabyne is a relatively new town in southern New South
Wales that has become something of a ski lover’s haven. The town is a must-visit for anybody looking for the best nightlife in the Snowy Mountains.
THREDBO: Situated just down the road from Jindabyne, Thredbo has a
European Alpine feel about it. You can get to Thredbo via Canberra, which is 90 minutes away on the road.
FALLS CREEK: Set high in the Alps in north-east Victoria, Falls Creek is one of Australia’s premier ski resorts. In fact it’s arguably the most fashionable and upmarket one in the country. For more details, check out BBM’s travel pages at bbmlive.com
COACH SNOW TOUR SYDNEY/ACT WEEKEND
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AUSTRALIA + THREDBO + PERISHER
Includes - 2 nights accommodation at the SNOWY VALLEY RESORT Jindabyne or the River Inn Thredbo - Return transport - Shuttle up and down the mountain each day - National Park fees - 3-course dinner - 2 x Hot breakfasts - Party Night - Saturday is party night!
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SOAPS CORONATION ST. DESPERATE to know what’s going on inside the factory, John begs Owen to take him on as a labourer. Reluctantly, Owen agrees. Seeing the rate that the f oor is being dug up at, John panics and sabotages the job by damaging the pneumatic drill. But for how long can he keep Colin’s body hidden?
At the same time, as Katy struggles to cope without Chesney and agrees to go to the abortion clinic, a determined Chesney struggles to free himself in the Hoyles’ basement. Alan is seriously injured and Dorothy is fading fast without her diabetes medication. Can Ches free them all in time?
EastEnders MERCY is shocked when she Masood out of the house, f nds out that it was Fatboy’s leaving Yusef to take dad who reported her to advantage. immigration. Ronnie agrees to look after Meanwhile, Christian tells Amy while Roxy goes to the Syed that he needs to talk to club. While Ronnie is looking Zainab about their adoption, after her, Amy hears the but Syed isn’t so sure. sound of an ice cream van and runs out of the f at. Will Tensions rise in the Masood Ronnie be trusted again? family with Zainab kicking
An intruder at the Station has an unfortunate case of mistaken identity from Barry, who eventually realises his mistake. He changes his tune though, getting a thirst for a life of crime! Will he get caught out? Meanwhile, A pensive Esther muses over Charlie’s letters idea for the Bealtaine festival. Instead, she enlists Dearbhla’s help for Bealtaine, which worries Charlie. TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
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HOLLYOAKS +
Emmerdale JIMMY tries his best to be gentle with Kelly and asks her not to deprive Elliot of a father, but she refuses to listen and ushers him out as she packs her bags.
BRENDAN continues to charm Noah. Convinced Brendan is up to something and keen to stay away, Noah calls off their training sessions. However, Brendan won’t let things lie and calls Noah round to pick up the money he owes him for the sessions. In the meantime, Brendan tells Ste to bring some papers round to the house 20
and it’s not long until Ste walks in on his ex’s latest attempt to seduce Noah.
Later, Jimmy is devastated as he watches Kelly drive out of the village with Elliot, while Nicola watches on and witnesses the sacrif ce he’s making.
Later, Jimmy arrives at Nicola’s and asks her to give him another chance - he let his son go so he could be with her. However, Nicola is adamant that it changes nothing and she still wants a divorce. Carl tells him to buck up his ideas and stop being a doormat - they need to get their selfrespect back...
Meanwhile, Amy and Lee are all loved up but Lee is dreading Leanne’s imminent return. Little does he know that Leanne just witnessed their public display of affection. How will she react?
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UK NEWS GAG ON THIS M’LUD!
POOR old Imogen Thomas. First she gets shagged by a mystery Premier League player. Then she gets gagged and shafted by a judge. BBM just got an erection. Yowzer! It’s no secret that the busty Big Brother babe was having an affair with a famous married footballer, but due to a super-injunction from powercrazed fun police chief Justice Eady no-one’s allowed to name who he is – not even us! And worse for poor old Imogen, she’s been labeled a ‘blackmailer’ and ‘less than trustworthy’ by Eady – but legally can’t f ght her corner because of the super-injunction. Oh the paradoxical hilarity! “It just gets worse for me,” sobbed the Welsh hotty. “I’m not a blackmailer. Even the judge says that he has no evidence of this and it could be misleading.”
STYLE COUNCIL DON’T be fooled by this shithole looking council house in Brighton (below), inside it’s as breathtaking as the Sistine Chapel. No really. Former decorator Robert Burns has covered every inside wall with scale replicas of Renaissance frescoes and paintings by Italian masters. “I did think, I wonder if I can emulate this in some small way, and so I started painting the house,” said the sad git with too much time on his hands.
We’re not sure what would happen if we did actually say who the ‘mystery’ footballer was but we’re not going to risk it. On a completely unrelated matter, here’s a photo of Ryan Giggs being wanked off by Imogen.
QUIZ ANSWER IS A MILE OUT EVER heard of Roger Bannister? If not, then stop reading this now you thick prat. For the record Bannister is one of Britain’s most famous sons having won European Championship medals as a runner, earned a knighthood and also had a distinguished career as a neurologist back in the 50s. His most famous achievement, though, is being the world’s f rst man to run the four-minute mile. Alas, this smidgen of common knowledge was not known to Andrew and Vanessa – two contestants on Channel 4 game show The Million Pound Drop. The pair had been cruising through the multiple choice quiz when they were asked: “In 1954, did Roger Bannister go into space, run a sub-four minute mile or become the f rst man ever to put the toilet seat down?” Vanessa ummed. They ahhed. Then, out of nowhere, Andrew had a breakthrough. Eyes burning with pure knowledge, he shouted “I think I’ve seen ‘Bannister’ written on a toilet!” Vanessa was more cautious, wailing “Who KNOWS this?” before eventually agreeing on the toilet thing as well.
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WARDEN YOU BELIEVE IT A TRUE-STORY about a maverick law enforcer who breaks the rules to get the bad guys. Sounds like Hollywood gold right? Unfortunately, it’s not. Instead it’s the story of an arsehole traffic warden who was so eager to hand out tickets he would drive the wrong way down one-way streets on his moped, shaking his fist at anyone who pointed out his poor driving. The warden was caught out by a shop’s CCTV camera and, to add insult to injury, he’s also spotted dishing out tickets to cars that weren’t illegally parked.
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UK NEWS WOAH MAMMARY! THE producers of banal midweek TV show This Morning starring Phillip Schof eld have struck gold with their latest idea to increase viewing f gures. Giant fucking tits. Silver fox Schof eld struggled to keep his eyes up, and his cock down, as the bland-as-shit day-time show welcomed new guest Chelsea Charms into the studio. The 5ft 3ins model has 164XXX breasts. We thought that was a late-night call line, not a bra size. “Even as a woman you don’t want to stare but they are things which are going to make people stare,” said co-host Ruth Langsford while Schof eld had a wank.
TALENTS ON DISPLAY BRITAIN has off cially gone tits crazy. Hurrah! After Philip Schof eld’s eyeful on This Morning (see above), the viewers of Britain’s Got Talent also got a double dose of funbag fun thanks to Lorna Bliss’s topless audition. The professional Britney
Spears look-a-like stripped to a thong to sing Toxic, with only some strategically placed Union Jacks covering her dignity. ITV has received numerous complaints about the performance, although considering it wasn’t a Susan Boyle-a-like we think they should be grateful for small mercies.
PONY EXPRESS A MAN in Wales was acting the ass when he tried to board the 19:02 train to Holyhead with his donkey. After the conductor refused to let the pair on, the mulish man proceeded to the ticket booth and tried to purchase a ticket for his four-legged companion. A spokesperson for Arriva Trains Wales clarif ed that while “dogs and small animals” are allowed on trains “horses and ponies, which may pose a risk to the general public are not permitted to travel.” In other words, there would not have been an issue if he was traveling with a Shetland pony.
SNAIL AND PACE We all know snails are slow but if it’s a human snail, shouldn’t it go slightly faster? Well yes they do! Lloyd Scott dressed as a snail to run the 26.2 mile London Marathon and he did the whole thing dressed as Brain the Snail from The Magic Roundabout for charity. 26 days after starting the race, he crossed the f nish line – clocking up a mile a day. £200,000 has been raised by this slow man, who endured eight hours of pain a day to f nish the race, all for Action for Kids. Lloyd has dressed as many other characters most memorably in 2002, when he went as a deep sea diver. However this year has been the biggest challenge with vomiting, constant nose bleeds and problems digesting food all part of what he went through. Now the question is what he’ll dress up as next year. Something easy to run in might be a good option.
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IRISH NEWS GUTEN TAG HAIR JEDWARD WE all remember the infamous ‘Hair Gel Scene’ in There’s Something about Mary. Well, we at BBM are convinced that the same product is used to style the hair of Jedward. Although, Azerbaijan took the crown at the 2011 Eurovision contest, Jedward’s popularity has risen immensely as a result of their socalled performance. The track, Lipstick, has hit top of the charts in Sweden and Germany, and some Germans are now sporting the Jedward quiff. These Jedheads are spreading faster than a f ock of seagulls. Contest sponsors, Schwarzkopf, were so impressed by the duo’s hair that they say a deal could be in the works. Backstage at the Eurovision, Jedward had the same hairdresser as Prince William and we’ve seen how that has ended up. As soon as these two testicles go bald, dry up and hit the crack, the world will be a better place.
DUBLIN YOUR MONEY FOR the f rst time in about f ve years, Dublin was last week awash with cash – and people called Rodrigo – thanks to the cash cow that is the Europa League. The f nal was held at the Aviva Stadium between two Portugeuese sides, Porto and Braga, with an estimated20m euros shoved into the struggling economy as a result. Roughly 60 million television viewers tuned in to watch a, frankly, crap game as Porto overcame their national rivals 1-0 to take the cup home.
PRESIDENT’S MEN
LIFFEY WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE PIPPA Middleton’s gran-in-law, The Queen, is causing all sorts of havoc on her Guinness and regret-themed tour of Ireland. Fans of the fogies are devastated after only a handful of people were allowed to catch a glimpse of the pair as they drove through the streets of Dublin. On top of this, commuters have got the shits with all the interruptions and old Philip hasn’t made any friends after he asked master brewer Fergal Murray if Guinness was made with Liffey Water. The Queen did her best with a bit of Irish Gaelic by opening her speech with “A Uachtarain agus a chaired,” or in English “I am a jelly doughnut.” History sure does have a tendency to repeat itself. Ah well, at least Philip didn’t call anyone “slit-eyed” this time.
DISNEY LANDS BIG ears and bucked teeth are nothing new to rural Ireland, but they f nally arrived in Dublin this week as Mickey Mouse, Goofy and the rest of the Disney mob opened their f rst store in the Republic. Unlike other recent visitors, Mickey’s arrival on Grafton Street wasn’t greeted with bomb scares and sectarian outrage. That said, over-cautious Garda did arrest an elderly woman carrying a bag of apples on charges of being a wicked witch, although she was released when forensic tests proved the fruit had not been poisoned.
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PROVING it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, a distant cousin of Barack Obama is one of the faces of a new Tourism Ireland campaign. Barack’s Irish relation Henry Healy and Church of Ireland rector Stephen Neill have been conducting round-the-clock interviews with international media such as CNN, ABC, BBC, Reuters, the Boston Globe and Time magazine as part of the preparations of El Presidente’s arrival.
BEEFED UP THE only thing stupider than the cow that gets stuck in a drain is the farmer who goes in after it. That’s never going to end well. John Sweetman is proof of just that after he was crushed to death while attempting to free a bovine friend from a drain. Wexford Fine Gael TD Liam Twomey described Sweetman as a “good friend” and a wellknown “party activist”. “That’ll teach him for branding my arse,” said Daisy.
WORLD NEWS HAM IT UP! MOST of the time, BBM is quite relaxed but there are certain things that just make our blood boil. Like injustice. Young lives wasted. Tights as pants.
The deli can be a heated place. One time a man ordered some olives and BBM said, “Excuse me, but we were f rst.� It was pretty intense.
Oh, and thick-cut ham. Apparently Italians really take their sliced meats seriously. Four people have been hospitalised after a f ght broke out in an Italian supermarket over the thickness of ham.
A man is out thousands of dollars after he got lacquered and let a stranger help him set up a new bank account. After receiving a disability payment cheque for $25 000 he decided to blow it at the local bar.
GOD hates Christians. He must do, or he wouldn’t have made them so fucking annoying. Little believer Jonathan Slye was so inspired after attending a Christian rock concert that he decided to organise one of his own. In a few months, Slye managed to book some of the biggest names in Christian hip-hop, rock and heavy metal. Surely it’s quite easy to be a “big name� in Christian heavy metal.
The biff included the shopper, the deli worker and her father, as well as the ham connoisseur’s two sons.
WHEN BBM goes drinking, we tell people all sorts of things. Stories from the bedroom, why dad never hugged us, how sad and alone we are. But never our banking details. Mum said not to.
IF YOU BOOK THEM, THEY WILL COME
With no alcohol, drugs, wanking or mud the festival was described as “like Woodstock... only shit.� There he met a woman and together they went to the bank, set up a new account and changed his pin.
The naked Indian declined to comment.
Needless to say, she stole from him. And he has no idea who she was. BBM wonders how long this woman was waiting in the bar before somebody f nally fell for it.
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WORLD NEWS HEY, TEACHER! LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE REMEMBER the f rst time you saw your teacher out of school? Probably shopping or getting a coffee. It’s freaky, right? Well, this story is like that, only she’s in a dungeon whipping the guy who brings the mail.
isn’t the best idea if it’s not in line with your day job. We had no idea. Does this mean we should take the gimp down off our wall? Boy George will be so disappointed with us.
EITHER this is the best way ever to stab your friend and get away with it or this guy is seriously unlucky. After a night of boozing, a man and his two friends returned to their hotel room in Harris County. For reasons unknown, someone had put a knife on the man’s bed. Understandably presuming there was no knife on the bed, the man dived onto it and was stabbed. He later died. Not to be cynical, but really? And the cops aren’t even investigating?
As you do. Primary school teacher Faith-Anne Lesbirel, 33, has left her job after being exposed as a dominatrix worker. Apparently running sex sessions and spanking orgies out of your basement
IT’S always better when the person in our stories is fat.
A SERIES OF FORTUNATE EVENTS A farmer has got himself a story to tell for the rest of his life. And no, not the one about why that goat just shat out a condom.
f re then melted a water line which then extinguished the f re and saved the cows asleep inside the shed. MacGyver couldn’t have done better if he tried.
A man was driving along when he hit and killed a black Fresian cow near the aforementioned farmer’s property. The car then smashed into a power pole, causing a power surge into the farmer’s house.
“We’re in talks with both the farmer and the driver,” said the makers of the Mousetrap boardgame.
The same surge caused the cowshed meter to blow up and catch alight. The
Principal A. Wardinski cracked the major shits and sent a letter to parents informing them that “a major disturbance was initiated in our school’s cafeteria.”
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Well, probably not scientists. But people in general. Ivan and his pushy parents claim that he can hold up to 20 kilos of metal on his chest. In other news, he is also the size of a tenyear-old and could rollerblade when he was 15 months old. It’s not relevant. It’s just the facts.
“Not so fast!” exclaimed Steven Speilberg as he stole the story for the next Transformers f lm.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT THE seniors at Springf eld High are sucking back beer bongs and falling asleep in front of the TV after a massive food f ght saw all their activities suspended.
A bloated 6-year-old is baff ing scientists across the world with his bizarre ability to attract metal objects to his chest.
During the food f ght, someone also pulled the f re alarm. Brilliant. A Principal (pictured) overreacting? American teenagers wasting food? A few things in this story don’t add up.
IF you’re going to pretend your wife is dead in order to prof t, BBM would suggest one of two things. Consider intercepting all mail or perhaps just actually kill her. Up to you. The Hudson Police Department arrested 31-year-old Scott Wellington after he lied to his employer about his wife’s sickness and death. When the man told a C & M Machine company that his wife had cancer, they donated $7,000 to help with costs. He then told them she had died. His wife was more than a little shocked when she found a sympathy card, for her own death, in the mail. “No, she really is dead,” screamed Wellington as he covered her over with a sheet.
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SYDNEY WHAT’S ON
Vivid Festival 2011 THE Sydney Opera House is putting on the annual spectacular which is Vivid Live, previously curated by Brian Eno, Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson. This year, Steven Pavlovich of Modular People has put together a spectacular line up featuring The Cure, Bat For Lashes, Spiritualized and more. Starting this week, here is a breakdown of the f rst three days: Friday 27th May: Spiritualized play their show Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space for two nights in the Opera Theatre. Cost: From $59 Bag Raiders play Leave Them All Behind with Beni, Softwar, Azari & III and The Swiss, in The Studio. Cost: $25
Saturday 28th May: ‘Mad Racket’ features The Crystal Ark, Babmoo music, and the Mad Racket DJs, in The Studio. Cost: $25 The Crystal Ark play their headline show in The Studio. Cost: $40 Sunday 29th May: ‘Sneaky Sundays’ presents Black Angus, Miss Connie, Van She and Flight Facilities from 3pm in The Studio. Cost: $20 Cut Copy play in the Concert Hall. Cost: From $55 Architecture in Helsinki play in the Opera Theatre. Cost: From $39
Tom Kuntz and Lucky Dragons play in The Exhibition Hall from 11am for three days. Cost: Free
TIKI Taane and Optimus Gryme take to the stage for a two and a half hour blow out show featuring acoustic, MC and dub-step overload.
AUSTRALIA’S biggest hip-hop export, Bliss n’ Eso, are back from the US for their ‘Running on Air’ tour.
This will be high-octane dub dream so be prepared to get your sweat on.
With their high energy performances and hard-hitting songs this is going to be one loud, mean show.
When: May 27th Where: Selina’s, Coogee Bay Hotel Cost: $27.50
MISS Burlesque Australia is holding its NSW heats this week, shimmying, shaking, and seductively stripping off for the crown of Miss Burlesque Australia. Go along and salivate while girls like Ginger LaMinge, Agatha Frisky and Kitty Litteur take the stage and take it off. Classily. When: May 28th Where: Factory Theatre
A long time ago we used to be friends, so we’re glad the Dandy Warhols are back to give us a catalogue of their biggest hits whilst jumping around stage, getting naked and generally being the most awesome psychedelic pop-rock band out there. Don’t forget to clap along to We Used to be Friends... it’s the law. When: May 29th Where: Enmore Theatre Cost: $74.20
HEAVY music fans in Australia are set for yet another treat this year with Destroy Music – a festival headlined by The Amity Aff iction and a recently reformed I Killed the Prom Queen.
KURTIS BLOW brings his 30th Anniversary Tour of The Breaks to it’s conclusion on our sunny (read: freezing cold) shores.
The undercard is just as unrelenting, featuring Deez Nuts and US band Of Mice and Men.
With the album originally selling over half a million copies upon it’s release and still sounding as fresh as ever, one can expect a show full of old school hip-hop and the f nest funk.
When: May 26th and 27th Where: UNSW Roundhouse
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When: May 27th and 28th Where: Hordern Pavillion Cost: $50
When: May 26th Where: Tone, Surry Hills Cost: $25
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SYDNEY MARKETS
THE ROCKS MARKETS PICTURE the sun on your face, the harbour sparkling next to you, cobblestones at your feet and over 200 local stalls bright with colour and life for your perousing pleasure. This is The Rocks markets. Set in Sydney’s most historic suburb, The Rocks markets offer a place to f nd your more unique articles such as hand stitched fashion, home made jewellery, freshly made beauty products and more.
If you get sick of history you can always wander down to the Museum of Contemporary Art or hop on a ferry for a ride across Sydney Harbour.
Don’t be fooled by the words ‘homemade’, everything these markets have to offer is of an extremely high quality and with over 200 stalls you really are in for a treat as this is truly some of the f nest art Sydney has to offer.
There is also a food market on every Friday which really is a delight to the senses with the most creative, gourmet and high quality foods by Australia’s new and old front running chefs as well as a lot of fresh produce, enjoy the buskers while sampling as much of Sydneys best food as you can handle.
The markets aren’t extremely cheap but you can certainly f nd a one off little item for under $20, and there is the added incentive of exploring the Rocks itself which is completely maintained in heritage state. With Sydney’s oldest pub around the corner, there is no chance you will have a bad day.
When do I go? The weekend markets are, as the name implies, every Saturday and Sunday from 10am to 5pm and the food markets are every Friday from 10am to 4pm. Where is it? The markets are held in Jack Mundey Place at the Rocks, right next to Circular Quay. How do I get there? Any bus going down George Street in the CBD will take you down to Circular Quay. If you are coming from beachside you may be able to catch a ferry in to Circular Quay and there is also a train station. From Circular Quay it is less than a f ve minute walk into the centre of The Rocks.
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THE HUNTER VALLEY AS the balmy Australian sun settles down, the days getting colder and the nights coming quicker, there is somewhere you can embrace the new natural scenery which the changing of seasons bring. Imagine a two hour drive out of Sydney into the bright oranges and reds of turning trees against the crisp blue winter sky and acres and acres of promising green f elds which produce some of Australia’s best wine. Combined with the luxury restaurants, hotels and friendly local wineries open to all groups, where else could you spend a day tasting an oaky Shiraz or a sweet Muscato whilst sampling the regions f nest smelly cheeses, all before retiring to a log f re and a f ve star meal. With June being the Hunter Valley’s Wine and Food month, when is a better time to book a trip to one of Australia’s most beautiful resources? With events such as cheese picnics in the vineyards, steak and shiraz matching, cooking classes with some of Australia’s top chefs and a whole host of activities to expand your gastronomic mind, and your taste buds, the valley is bursting with life as cities slip into hibernation. Whether you are looking to escape for a day, a weekend or a week we recommend taking a small group on a personalized tour of the region. Boutique wine tours offer f exible packages and take groups to the Hunter Valley every day. They also have a very intimate knowledge of the area and friendly relationships with many of the smaller boutique wineries where a love of f ne wines is paramount. For a day tour, expect three or four private tastings with your group as well as a lunch where you can dine on your own in town, join in a café lunch or choose to have a gourmet two course lunch made with the regions locally grown produce and of course accompanied by a glass of Hunter Valley wine. With over 80 cellar doors awaiting discovery in the region and several large and lavish hotels complete with log f res, quilts and more fresh olives, cheese, wine and chocolate than you could imagine, this is the ultimate winter getaway from the city.
Boutique Tours have won Best Tour Operator in Hunter Valley for the last three years in a row and with their luxury Mercedes buses, well versed tour guides, limit of 14 passengers per group, intimate knowledge of the local Hunter Valley area and years of experience’ they are BBM’s pick of the Hunter Valley for a sensual experience you won’t forget.
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MELBOURNE NEWS POINT AND SHOOT UP EVER feel like there are just no good places to shoot up anymore? Especially now winter’s coming. Call us a princess but that cozy little nook between the dumpster and the shit-house is just too breezy some nights. A Melbourne City council is on the prowl for supporters to back their new safe heroin injection room. It’s just for smack it seems. If you want to inject anything else you’re out on your arse. Yarra Council mayor Alison Clarke says they will either install CCTV cameras along Victoria Street or go the whole hog and have the room supervised. It’s sort of a shame really. BBM quite likes seeing junkies out on the street. Everything in its rightful place we say. Right after they solve all the murders and f nish writing Underbelly.
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GOING UNDER ANTI-ABORTION protesters across the country are celebrating after nearly 50 women tested positive to hepatitis C after having treatment at an abortion clinic in Melbourne’s east. It has been conf rmed that the 49 women who tested positive were carrying the same strain of the virus as James Latham Peters, who worked there as an anaesthetist. Peters’ medical registration was suspended and he is being investigated by the cops. “That’ll teach ‘em!” said God as he planned his next genius move.
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MELBOURNE WHAT’S ON
THE ‘Beached Az Bro’ team are taking to the road on a live tour with Canadian comedy singer Jon Lajoie, who penned such YouTube hits as ‘Show Me Your Genitals’.
Parkway Drive
Turn up for a night of laughter, music and toilet jokes. When: May 29th Where: Comics Lounge Cost: $43.40
IF you feel like something different, why not be embraced by the full and heavenly voices of the Soweto Gospel Choir touring from South Africa? You will be moved to tears by over 30 voices rising and swelling through their ‘African Grace’ repertoire. They are a truly beautiful ensemble. When: May 25th Where: Frankston Arts Centre Cost: From $45
PARKWAY Drive are touring again with the release of their new album, Deep Blue. Promising to be as hard hitting as any of their previous metalcore work, the band has called it their ‘rawest and heaviest album yet’. The ‘Mix N Mash’ tour is in collaboration with UK metal band You Me at Six and will have a fast and energetic pace and, with local support acts from each city they tour, it will be a fresh and interesting experience for Parkway Drive fans from way back. When: Wednesday, May 25th Where: Festival Hall Cost: $40.50
WEST-Australian indie icons Eskimo Joe are back on the scene after announcing they are part of the Splendour in the Grass line up. They are warming up with a fully acoustic tour. With the promise of an intimate show, limited edition merchandise and a “unique gift at the end of the night” for everyone attending why wouldn’t you go? When: May 27th Where: East Brunswick Club Cost: $40
SINCE 1996, The Haunted have been headbanging their way through eight albums and several world tours with the loudest, scariest most grinding death metal around. The Swedish band have come to Australia to frighten the shit out of you and thrash their big black hearts out onstage to a writhing mass of sweaty fanatic fans. When: May 28th Where: The Hi-Fi Cost: $49
THE beautifully melodic Boy & Bear are touring on the wave of their recent rise to fame. With their choral harmonies, calming vocals and indie-folk sound it will be a gorgeous show. When: May 26 and 27th Where: The Corner Hotel Cost: $20
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CHINATOWN IF you are a bit lost amongst the plethora of events and places Melbourne has to offer why not take a breather and head somewhere that is always vibrant, always fun, and always cheap in the ‘longest continuous Chinese settlement anywhere in the Western world’, Chinatown. It is right in the city just between Spring St and Swanston St so even if you just walk through and take a look you will feel like you have been transported out of Melbourne into the middle of Old Shanghai.
SHOPPING The arcades in Little Bourke St host a million random objects. Bright and kitsch stationary stores lie next to beauty shops selling products you have never heard of and the asian grocery stores will provide you with the most authentic and cheap ingredients to cook a Chinese feast of your own. There are also clothes and shoes in every strange style imaginable and prices range from the dirt cheap under $1 objects to the cheap $60 one off hand sewn jumper so have a look, you might f nd something you love.
CHINESE NEW YEAR If you are around during February, the Chinese New Year Festival is one of the most exciting visual spectaculars Melbourne has to offer.
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Chinese drummers roam down the mainstreet while traditional Chinese dragons (which are elaborate costumes f lled with a lot of people running underneath them) weave around the crowd and f reworks pop around market stalls selling thousands of kilograms of Chinese New Year’s trinkets to bring you success and luck in the coming zodiac. As it is based on a lunisolar calendar the dates change slightly every year but it runs for 15 days so don’t worry about missing out.
TIANJIN GARDENS A pair of Chinese Lions guard the picturesque Tianjin public gardens which can be found at the Spring Street entrance on top of Parliament station. A gift from Melbourne’s sister city Tianjin in China to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the relationship between the two cities, the gardens are a traditional Chinese oasis complete with water feature and traditional Chinese rockery. This small garden is a great place to sit and let Melbourne’s bustle pass you by. Rich with history and a main attraction of Melbourne for a long time there is a multitude of culture, food and entertainment tucked right into the Melbourne CBD. If you are looking for a new experience and want to learn a bit more about Melbourne, take a walk through this mini city for a day’s worth of sights, sounds and culinary delights.
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PERTH WHAT’S ON
FAMOUS UK balladeer James Blunt is travelling with support act The Verses. Casually crooning out tracks from his latest album Some Kind of Trouble, he will make you weak at the knees, if not with his romantic bittersweet music then with his striking good looks.
NEWEST Aussie hip-hop superstar Illy will be riding into town to deliver his album The Chase to Perth in a f urry of action driven MC energy. Expect a brilliant, loud and agressive show. When: May 25th Where: Prince of Wales Hotel
When: May 23rd Where: Riverside Theatre Cost: From $89
THE WAMI (Western Australian Music Industry Association inc.) festival is bringing Perth to life with a celebration of contemporary art in music featuring live music, art exhibitions, workshops and functions on the cutting edge of Perth’s arts scene. When: May 21st - May 28th Where: Prince of Wales Hotel Cost: $20
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ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge
ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth
DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth
THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island
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QUEENSLAND WHAT’S ON
Valley Jazz Festival THE f fth annual Valley Jazz Festival is on again. In four days over 200 artists will perform in sixteen different venues across the Fortitude Valley. Featuring international and local
artists, a whole lot of free entry gigs, music workshops and an emerging artists stage the festival promises to be a fresh, creative and really laid back good time. When: May 25th - 29th Cost: A Festival Flexi Pass is available for $90, otherwise they are priced from free to $50.
Blues on Broadbeach REMAINING a free event, the festival will host local and international artists such as Chain, Austin “Walkin’’ Cane and Bondi Cigar over four days on the Gold Coast.
several more intimate venues all within walking distance of each other, there will constantly be someone to listen to while you wander around and sample the f nest food the Gold Coast has to offer at the many cooperating restaurants. When: May 26th - 29th Cost: Free
With two main stages and
KITTY Flanagan is bringing her dry humour up the coast to make us roll around the aisles while she keeps a straight-face and delivers line after line of observational comedy gold with her foul and funny mouth.
THE amazing Wellington jam band Fat Freddy’s Drop will be hitting Queenslanders for an entire weekend as they bust out their soul-reggaeblues-jazz-rhythm fusion sound to a packed house. When: May 27th and 28th Where: The Tivoli Cost: $63.80
When: May 27th Where: The Brolga Theatre
MELBOURNE-based urban roots band, Blue King Brown, sets out for their national Australian tour to wow the Aussie fans with groovy jams under sharp lyrics with a social commentary edge.
SIERRA Fin have released their debut album with a twist, they have used a full symphony orchestra for every track and the live shows will include the ‘Sierra Fin Symphony Orchestra’.
When: May 28th Where: Tanks Arts Centre Cost: $45
When: May 27th Where: Old Museum Concert Hall
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QUEENSLAND OUTDOORS IT might sound lame, but hear us out. Old people do some cool stuff. There. We said it. Now watch us back it up. We’re onto the senior citizens of the world. We know they’re out there seeing amazing things and pretending they’re bird-watching. Remember when knitting became cool? Well, this is like that, only better. If you’re not that into adventure, extreme sports or risking your life for a cheap thrill, you might end up thinking that Queensland, famous for its theme parks and adventure sports, isn’t for you.
FISHING
There are a few options for f shing on the Gold Coast. Most charting companies take you out for a full day or a half day and whatever you catch you can keep. Win! You can discover the secret spots where the f sh are biting and hear a few yarns from the captain. But be warned, what happens at sea stays at sea. While you’re waiting for your f rst bite you can sit back and crack a cold beer up on the boat. Heaven.
How wrong you are!
You can choose from deep sea, calm waters, offshore adventures, reef f shing, game f shing or, wait for it, shark f shing! Told you it wasn’t for losers.
Calming down a bit and chillaxing is the new roller-coaster ride (especially if you had a few too many beers the night before).
Charters often include a BBQ as well so you can’t ask for much more than that.
Both the Gold Coast and Tropical North Queensland have a bunch of rad stuff to do outdoors if you’re sick and tired of jumping out of planes. And if you really want an Aussie experience, we’ll tell you this much
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for free, we don’t go skydiving every day. You heard it here frst.
DIVING & SNORKELING
Everyone’s seen Finding Nemo but who do you know that’s actually found him? Aside from his dad and Ellen. The Gold Coast is the best city in Australia for scuba diving and snorkeling. It doesn’t matter if you’re a beginner, experienced or you’ve never dived before, all levels are catered for. If you want to learn to dive you can sign up for a course, or if you’re
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per maxperson 4 ppl
CERTIFIED PRIVATE ROOM SCUBA DIVE FROM FROM
$75 $80
Shortest travel time…longest play time!
twin share
maxperson 2 ppl per
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËTravel to the reef on board our air-conditioned Catamaran ËSnorkelling equipment provided ËInformative presentation hosted by our marine naturalist ËOn-board touch tank to experience marine life up close
ËDelicious chef-prepared buffet luncheon featuring fresh seafood, hot dishes, salads and fruit ËGuided coral viewing from our semi-submersible craft and glass-bottom boat
FERNTREE Hostel
Cape Tribulation DORM BEDS FROM
$27
per person
max 4 ppl
PRIVATE ROOM access to Ferntree Rainforest Hostel guests have full the Ferntree Rainforest Lodge facilities THE OYEAH! FACTORS:
ËTwo Swimming Pools ËMini-Fridge in All Rooms ËBBQ Facilities
ËVolleyball Court ËTV Lounge ËTour Booking Service
FROM
$75
twin share
max 2 ppl
ËClose to Food Store and Pharmacy ËShort walk to PK’s Jungle Bar ËCassowary Cafe – Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner FERNTREE RAINFOREST HOSTEL SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES
Free Call:
1800 075 125 (Calls within Australia)
Cairns
.COM.AU
Townsville
QUEENSLAND a bit of wimp you can always try your hand at snorkeling. Kidding! Snorkeling is badass.
whales passing through all season.
Among the Nemos and Dorys you’ll also see coralf sh, moray eels, zebra lionf sh, surgeonf sh, big-eye trevally, octopus, goatf sh, leatherjacket, eagle rays, red lionf sh and butterf y f sh.
It is one of the rare points on the East Coast of Australia where whale traff c heads in both directions.
And if that doesn’t f oat your boat, the Gold Coast is the best spot to catch a glimpse of a seahorse. Hopefully one of the pregnant males. There are also a couple of old shipwrecks to dive on off the Gold Coast. We’re pretty sure you won’t get eaten by a shark, but if you’ve got an adrenaline junkie in your group you don’t have to tell them that bit.
WHALE WATCHING
Now. This one might take some convincing. You might think whale watching is for nannas but before you get your petticoat in a knot just listen up. Each year up to 10,000 humpback whales pass the Gold Coast between June and the end of October. The Gold Coast has a longer whale-watching season than Hervey Bay and, because of the geographical location the Gold Coast, has
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If you’re lucky, you might even see them high-f ve as they pass each other.
RAINFORESTS
No trip to Tropical North Queensland is complete without visiting the breathtaking Cape Tribulation and Daintree Rainforest. And look, while we’re ordering you about, why not do it in style? You can choose from coach, cableway, helicopter or a treetop walk. Skyrail Rainforest Cableway is a unique rainforest experience, taking you on an unforgettable journey over and through Australia’s World Heritage listed tropical rainforests. The Cableway glides just metres over the canopy and you’re nice and secure in a six-person gondola cabin. Rock and roll. If you’re a bit more James Bond you can take a helicopter over the coastline and surrounding islands then land to snorkel and enjoy lunch on the Great Barrier Reef. Alternatively you can go by coach and cruise the Daintree River in search of crocodiles, stroll through the rainforest, explore Cape Tribulation Beach or try sea kayaking.
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
OCEANS Y OUTH & E CO ADVEN T U RE H
OSTELS
DORM
BEDS BEDS DORM
$27
FROM FROM
per person
per maxperson 4 ppl
DOUBLE ROOM PRIVATE ROOM FROM FROM
$75
An island escape on the mainland
max share 2 ppl twin
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËTwo Pristine Pools ËSpa ËFree WiFi
ËBBQ Facilities ËGames Room ËOceans Bar & Grill
twin share (max 2 ppl)
ËEnsuite with Mini-fridge ËTV & DVD Player in the Chill Room ËShopping Centre & Supermarket next door ËTour Booking Service
BAREFOOT LODGE LONG ISLAND
Airlie Beach Hostel DORM BEDS FROM
$27
per person
max 4 ppl
PRIVATE ROOM
Barefoot Lodge guests have full access to the Long Island Resort’s facilities
FROM
$75
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËSwim-up Pool Bar and Lap Pool ËAmazing Beach frontage ËSpa ËFish/Bird Feeding
ËGames Room Ë20 kms of Rainforest Walking Tracks ËDaily Activities and Nightly Entertainment ËSnorkelling
ËWatersports (additional charge) ËTour Booking Service ËFan Cooled Rooms ËTennis
Free Call:
1800 075 125 (Calls within Australia)
twin share
max 2 ppl
Cairns
.COM.AU
LONG ISLAND BAREFOOT LODGE
Townsville Airlie Beach
CLUB CROC HOSTEL
fiji
viti levu
IF you are a bit short of time and only planned a week in Fiji (Really? Only a week? In tropical pardise?), you will only have time to explore the main island of Viti Levu.
Lucky for you Fiji is more organized than you were, and there is still a whole lot of things to be amazed at around and about the island. From National Parks f lled with rainforests to stunning coastal beaches, insane scuba dives to rafting through the highlands you will not be left short of action on Fiji’s biggest island.
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keep in mind
If you are a tourist, Nadi International airport is most likely where you will land so plan everything from a starting point on the west-side of the island. It is also where you will most likely leave from so we recommend starting by going straight to Suva in the east (if it interests you) and working your way back across.
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
welcome to the day activities jungle For those taking a day trip there is a short and a long hike around the park, neither of which are too diff cult.
If words like ‘nature hike’, ‘panoramic summit’ and ‘ecotourism’ get you hot under the collar then a trip to the Koroyanitu National Heritage Park should be on your list. The park contains six villages which you can stay in, a big mountain nicknamed “sleeping giant”, grasslands, wetlands, waterfalls, archeological sites and native Dakua forests. It truly is a nature nerds playground and with entry costing only 12 Fijian dollars (about $6AUD) even non-nature buffs should check it out at least for a day-trip. BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
The two hour (return) hike will take you through the terraced gardens at Tunutunu, the Naravuratu village site (these are the remains of an ancient village, people do not live in this one) and you will even be treated with the sight of a waterfall. The f ve hour (return) hike takes you up the sleeping giant (also known as Mt Batilamu) and will lead you to insanely beautiful views of the Mamanuca and Yasawas islands as well as Nadi Bay. The views are well worth the walk and the tracks are clearly marked, so you will not get lost in the 51
wilderness.
overnight trips
There are a few options for overnight trips depending on how much you want to spend and what experience you want to have while you are there. For $15AUD you can stay at Nase Lodge which is an old colonial lodge with kitchen and bathroom facilities 400m from the village. For $40AUD you can stay with a family in the local village Abaca, this includes all meals and is organised through the Abaca Visitor Centre. If you want a full immersion experience there is a 2.5 day trip which includes four-wheel driving and all sorts of local delights for around $200AUD.
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BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
the coral coast If, like BBM, you like to lie back and soak in the sun then go down south to the Coral Coast and book yourself into one of the many affordable resorts on Natadola Beach. If you do feel the need to see something, don’t worry, you can take a trip to the Sigatoka Sand Dunes and try to ride them then take a walk down the Sigatoka Valley for a bit of a nature f x. If you go in the other direction head to the beach and dip yourself
54
in amongst the diverse marine life the Coral Coast is named after. There are over 80 kilometres of beach on the Coral Coast which is surrounded by one of the world’s largest fringing coral reefs and snorkelling and diving tours are easy to come by at any of the major accommodations or in Sigatoka city. Sigatoka is the main city and is a predominantly Indian cultural centre featuring mosques, temples and restaurants to ensnare your senses. The central markets are a thriving hub of local farmers and tourist products so if you want some more souvenirs or to experience a busy, noisy marketplace head to the city centre.
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
the namosi highlands The Highlands are a range of mountains covered in rainforest which feature deep river gorges and spectacular waterfalls. If you are an adventurous sort and like to feel inspired by nature you can four-wheel drive, hike or even take a bamboo rafting or tubing trip staying in local villages. This is not a trip for princesses, and the trip will involve physical activity, but between the culture, scenery and the native animal and plant life it is well worth considering taking a few days out to run yourself ragged.
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BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
RECRUITMENT Sales & Account Manager Wanted t ZFBST TBMFT FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE t .VTU CF BCMF UP EFBM XJUI UIF EFNBOET PG B XFFLMZ QVCMJDBUJPO BOE EBJMZ EFBEMJOFT t .VTU CF QSFTFOUBCMF BOE IBWF BO FYDFMMFOU QIPOF NBOOFS t *OUFSFTUT JO NVTJD USBWFM FOUFSUBJONFOU B NVTU t &YDFMMFOU PQQPSUVOJUZ UP KPJO B HSPXJOH QVCMJTIJOH IPVTF t (PPE #BTF 4VQFS 5BSHFUFE #POVT t 4QPOTPSTIJQ BWBJMBCMF GPS UIF SJHIU DBOEJEBUF t .VTU CF BWBJMBCMF GPS JNNFEJBUF TUBSU
EMAIL: GUCHI.SHAKIR@WHAT-MEDIA.COM
PHONE: 0410 470 100
e s u u o y o D ? y s a t s c E Researchers from the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre would like to speak to ecstasy users. Face to face interviews will be conducted between March and May. The interview takes around one hour and is held at a convenient location for you. Interviews are anonymous and conямБdential. You will be reimbursed $40 for your time. Contact: NSW 0404 786 677 (Laura) ACT 0424 446 493 (Sheena) VIC 0451 115 126 (Phuong) NT 0404 920 044 (Benjamin) QLD 0434 606 981 (Fairlie) TAS 0409 803 813 (you do not have to use your real name). 58
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
:$17 72 ),1' $ -2%" Â&#x;OĂ?OÂ&#x;AĂƒcÂł Ă?–l–OlĂƒĂ?Â&#x;yĂ?Ă?ˆlĂ? -" `Ă? Ă˜Ă†Ă?ĂƒA’‹A›Ă? Â&#x;›Ă?ĂƒAYĂ?Ă?-ĂƒÂ&#x;ylÆƋÂ&#x;›AÂ’Ă?"A›A€l–l›Ă?Ă? ÆÆÂ&#x;Y‹AĂ?‹Â&#x;›
To apply for these roles please e-mail your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au
Sydney Jobs
Apply to tc@freespirit.com.au
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MEDIA SALES CONSULTANT $22 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLES)
CLAIMS $22 PER HOUR (3 MONTH ROLES)
Our client is a newly established on-line media agency seeking a number of experienced outbound call consultants to join their small but busy North Sydney media team.
Leading Australian Insurance company requires reliable travelers for contract role;
You will possess; • Excellent communication skills • Highly motivated individual • Strong customer service skills • Friendly personality This is a great role calling an existing client base. Full training provided.
• Must have Insurance Claims experience, Home & Content preferred • Strong Microsoft Office and communication skills • CBD location • Young and friendly team, nice offices • $22 plus super • Start now for 3 months with a view to extend to 6 months
TELESALES CONSULTANTS $21 PER HOUR
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE/RECEIVABLE $24-$26 PER HOUR
Our Client is seeking experienced Telesales Consultant’s with the following criteria:
Do you have accounts payable/receivable experience?? We have clients in the city seeking candidates for immediate start.
• Minimum of 6 months call centre experience • English fluency • Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity • Strong experience with an aggressive sales attitude • Strong customer service skills • Financial Services Background would be a Bonus
The ideal candidate will; • Thrive in a busy environment • High attention to detail • At least 2 years experience • Ability to prioritize workload Assignments are up to 6 months paying $24-$26 an hour. To apply for these roles please email your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au
Already have a job and want more money? Call 1300 freespirit to ask us about LAFHA.
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RECRUITMENT
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BBM-608 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Healthy Volunteers Wanted
Fit
A non smoker If you are:
18-50 years
Healthy
And interested in helping with medical research
Please Call us
1800 475 475 OR Email: volunteers.4.trials@gsk.com Reimbursement for time & expenses will be available (limitations may apply to reimbursement) GlaxoSmithKline Medicines Research Unit Prince of Wales Hospital, Parkes Building Level 10 East Hight Street Randwick, NSW, 2031 Our clinical trials are approved by the SESI窶年orthern Network Research Ethics Committee: Reference No. 03/251
JLU200301 Print 32 version 1, 09 October, 2008
JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA THINK YOU’RE FUNNIER THAN US? BBM is looking for some new contributors. Want to get you work published in a National magazine and website whilst earning concert tickets, bar tabs, free travel trips, etc. Email ben.harlum@ whatmedia.com or call 02 8231 7706
MELBOURNE PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call Jerry on 03 9867 6322
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SYDNEY Call Centre - Travellers Wanted! Our Client is seeking travellers with fantastic customer service and sale skills for a 6-8 temp assignment. Your role will be generating leads on behalf of a well established global client through warm and cold calling. Paying $22 Plus Super If you think you are right for the role then please send your detailed resume to tc@freespirit.com.au
DATA ENTRY POSITIONS AVAILABLE NOW!
Working Holiday Makers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be Enthusiastic, have a Good Typing Speed, and able to Follow Instructions. Full Training Given. Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362
TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
HAIRDRESSER REQUIRED
NO WEEKENDS!!! Flexible Hours - Busy City Salon - Great Salary - Travellers Welcome CONTACT SUE ON 0419 989 456 OR (02) 9299 4748 email: sydneyhairandbeauty@ yahoo.com www.sydneyhairandbeauty.com
DATA ENTRY OFFICER – TRAVELLERS WELCOME!! Our Client is seeking an experienced Data Entry Offi cer with the following criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience. English fl uency. Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity. Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are the right candidate for this role please forward your resume through to mailto:tc@freespirit.com.au
TELEMARKETERS – SMILE WHILE YOU DIAL! Working Holidaymakers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be enthusiastic, confi dent, well spoken and able to follow instructions. No experience necessary - Full training given. Base + Commission + Bonus Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362
BBM-609 // CLASSIFIEDS
BBM-609 // CLASSIFIEDS
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ADULT EMPLOYMENT
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road.
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour
NO SEX
www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
Female Masseurs Required $115 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
92997771 (02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $115 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES
135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
219 Croydon ATTRACTIVE LADIES
WANTED Busy day time parlour Guaranteed big money Flexible shifts Immediate start Please call or text
0404404742
219 Elizabeth St Croydon
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BBM-609 // CLASSIFIEDS
ACCOMMODATION
SYDNEY
Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms in the heart of the city. Dorm beds single $40 per night or $180 per week, double rooms $80 per night OR $320 per week. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
BONDI JUNCTION Fully Furnished near new Studio apartments. Available for short or long term rental. All bills inc. Close to beach, parks, bars and transport. Ideal for 2 people. From $150 pp/ pw. Call 0405 20 5000
DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/ TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119. APARTMENTS FOR RENT from $280.00 per week. Potts Point area. Ideal for 2 people, fully furnished & bills included. Fully equipped kitchens & bed linen supplied. TV and DVD player. Secure Building. Close to transport [5 mins to city centre], supermarkets, library, parks & restaurants. Short or Long Term available. Suitable for Couples. Please call 0416 500 088 Between 9am to 5pm
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
TO ADVERTISE HERE CALL BBM ON 02 8231 7701
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
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JACKAROO HOSTEL 107-109 Darlinghurst Road Kings Cross, NSW Ph: (02) 9332 2244 info@jackaroohostel.com www.jackaroohostel.com PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02 9281 6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com O’MALLEY’S HOTEL 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 Fax: 02 9357 2656 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL
428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL
370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: 1800 4 or 02 9357 7897 Website: www.KangaHouse.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS
MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
HUNTER VALLEY HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
KATOOMBA
KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
BYRON BAY
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS
NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE
LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
QUEENSLAND
GOLDCOAST AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au SURFERS PARADISE YHA AT MAIN BEACH
Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 Fax: (07) 5571 1747 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com
SURF N SUN BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS
3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free Call 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com TREKKERS BACKPACKERS 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 BOOKINGS FREECALL : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au
BRISBANE
TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St New Farm Brisbane 0433777061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind Minimum 2 week stay BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865 BRISBANE CITY YHA 392 Upper Roma Street Brisbane 4000 Phone: (07) 3236 1004 Fax: (07) 3236 1947 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au
SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800 www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
spbr@bigpond.net.au
NOOSA
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY
NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com
1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. CAIRNS CENTRAL YHA 20-26 McLeod Street Cairns 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 Fax: (+617) 4031 3158 cairnscentral@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
DREAMTIME TRAVELLERS REST 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph:0740316753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
MISSION BEACH
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
BBM-609 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
Australia CAPE TRIBULATION
PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS
BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH AIRLIE BEACH YHA
394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach 4802 Phone: (07) 4946 6312 or 1800 247 251 Fax: (07) 4946 7053 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL
366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE
Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH
PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH
WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com
ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966
madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
MONKEY MIA
MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
KUNUNURRA
KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
BBM-609 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
BROOME
BEACHES OF BROOME 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au
VICTORIA MILDURA REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP
BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au
www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE CENTRAL YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 Fax: (+613) 9614 7891 melbcentral@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck.
MELBOURNE METRO YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Fax: (+613) 9326 8427 melbmetro@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au
Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception.
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com
Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
BACK OF CHAPEL 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS
THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
ST. KILDA
OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au
Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
APOLLO BAY
APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au ECO BEACH YHA ECO-HOSTEL 5 Pascoe Street Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 Fax: (+613) 5237 1136 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au
Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.
HALLS GAP
GRAMPIANS YHA ECO-HOSTEL Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 Fax: (+613) 5356 4543 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au
Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au MAJESTIC MINIMA HOTEL 146 Melbourne Street North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Fax: 08 8410 6288 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com
HINDMARSH ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS
CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand CHRISTCHURCH
CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN
BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new fl ashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefi eld Stree Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off fi rst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off fi rst night if you mention this ad
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfi ji.comwww beachcomberfi ji.com THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fi jibeachouse.co www.fi jibeachouse.co
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SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfi ji.com Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfi ji.co
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfi ji com THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacifi c Harbou P.O.Box 416 Pacifi c Habou Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fi jinadibayhotel.com NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj
BBM-609 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
TOURS & ACTIVITIES SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: (07)54 370 211 or 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au
COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com
The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au
Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au
Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND
SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz
SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS
Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI
SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
SKYRAIL RAINFOREST CABLEWAY Cnr of Captain Cook Highway and Cairns Western Arterial Road, PO Box 888 Smithfield, Queensland, 4878 Ph: 07 4038 1555 Fax: 07 4038 1888 mail@skyrail.com.au www.skyrail.com.au OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
BBM-609 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
GOING SOUTH
Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au
TEMPTATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 Fax: (08) 8353 0750 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au
RAFTING
AUSTRALIA
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA
BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
KITESURF 1770 / IKO CER TIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au
MARINE CHARTERS AUSTRALIA
ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au
KANGAROO ISLAND MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 Fax: 08 8553 0016 www.kimarineadventures.com
KAYAKING AUSTRALIA
ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: (08) 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au
BIKE RIDING AUSTRALIA
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69
CRYSTAL BALLS
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week
it’s pathetic when you haven’t
or you’ll throw up, you ugly
bacon slicer at the restaurant
even tried in the first place.
alcoholic bastard.
was a very dangerous thing to do. Especially as ‘the bacon
Go on. Believe in yourself. Your rack is more than
Virgo
capable of winning the best
WHY do you insist on talking
breast competition at the
about everyone in the house
backpackers pub. You can do
behind their backs?
it. But if you don’t enter, you’ll
call the owner’s wife - and her husband is fucking huge.
Capricorn
You have no right to be so
CONFIDENCE is the key. It
bitchy. One of your flatmates
doesn’t matter if you have a
Now go on girl, get your tits
saw you wanking on the couch
face like a smacked arse.
out for hundreds of strange
the other day and she’s told
If you can bullshit it, that girl
JUST because your mates
sweaty men and just feel the
everyone about it.
down your local might just go
are all on the piss every night
self-respect ooze into you.
and making more trips to the
That’s probably not the only
knocking shop than Eddie
thing you’ll feel oozing onto
Libra
However, your usual tactic of
Murphy, it doesn’t mean you
you though.
SO you can recite every line
shouting, “you fancy a shag?”
from every one of the Back
after 18 pints is a definite no-
to the Future movies. Do you
no. Have the balls to ask a girl
honestly think that’s the best
out without a drink for the first time in your pathetic life.
never know.
Aries
have to.
for you.
Especially since your girlfriend
Cancer
of five years is about to drop
YOU are probably the only
way to approach a girl in the
a sprog and you still haven’t
guy in Australia right now
bar?
bought a pram. Or told her
who can claim to be having
you’re shagging her sister.
wild sex with eight different
Running up to a girl and
Aquarius
You haven’t even phoned
gorgeous women at the same
shouting: “1.21 jiggawatts!” into
WHY do you always insist on
home to tell your family. I
time.
her ear isn’t going to get her
sleeping with every guy, on
knickers off, I can assure you.
the first night? You are giving
really pity that poor child.
yourself a bad name and guys
Then again, you are forking
Taurus THE way to a man’s heart is
out $6,000 a week for the privilege. Get a grip. Literally.
Scorpio
Otherwise you’ll go bankrupt.
THERE’S always next time.
are starting to refer to you as “a banker” on nights out.
through his stomach, as they
You could come back to
Keep your legs closed for a
say, but you couldn’t cook
Australia in the future but the
while and give yourself a rest.
chances of your toe being run
I’ll fill in for you.
a decent meal if your life
Leo
depended on it.
DRINKING 18 pints one after
over again and getting £7,000
the other certainly is a rare
in compensation are slim
Why don’t you just do what
talent but to be honest it’s not
- unlike you, who has piled
Pisces
you’re best at and get to
doing you much good.
on six stone because you’ve
YOU have seen just about
spent every day in the pub in
every part of Australia
Sydney since you arrived.
and for that you should
your man’s heart through his crotch. Shake that money
You know that yourself don’t
maker girl, it’s the only thing
you? Or perhaps you don’t
your good at.
seeing as the drink has
Gemini
70
silcer’ is what your workmates
be commended. But your incessant crap about the
knocked just about every
Sagittarius
brain cell you had out of you.
IF you ever pull a stunt like
on your travels are driving
that again I can guarantee you
everyone crazy. You are on
“difficult” times you had
SOMETIMES you have to
Take a long hard look at
won’t be so lucky.
holiday – for a year. It should
admit when you’re beaten but
yourself. Not too long though
Putting your penis in the
be treated like that.
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
.com.au
CAIRNS
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backpacker! Where we stayed, amazing
Having fun in the sun , Great Barrier Re ef.
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117 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 FREECALL: 1800 000 541 T +61 (0)7 4047 7200 F +61 (0)7 4041 6822 E northern@friendlygroup.com.au
MON
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; - 9-35/-88E 45001: >-5:2;>1?@ ?C5995:3 4;81
TUE
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; @41 81/71> ;@-:5/-8 ->01:?
WED
>11 >1-72-?@ %<1:0 - <1>21/@ 0-E ;: @41 C-@1> ?-585:3 4-881:31 E;A> 9-@1? @; - 3-91 ;2 @1::5? -? @41 ?A: 3;1? 0;C: : @41 1B1:5:3 5@p? 9;B51 :534@
THU
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FRI
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 ;A@5:3 @; 885? 1-/4 C41>1 E;A /-: ?;-7 A< @41 ?A:?45:1 -:0 1:6;E - #
SAT
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SUN
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 %A:0-E :534@ # 2@1> 05::1> 5@p? 9;B51 :534@
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Bragging Rights
ASK CRYSTAL All I think about when I am with
And don’t try to impress your
out she is married. Can I still fulfill
them is being in the shower with
friends with Oscar Wilde-esque
my fantasy of banging her?
another bloke, but when I get
observations – it makes you
these feelings, I hate myself.
even more punchable.
Ahmed, email
Dear Ahmed,
What can I do? David, Sydney
Dear Crystal, I AM worried I may be gay, but I
Dear David,
Dear Crystal,
WHO said romance is dead. You have the soul of a poet my
I ARRIVED in Sydney three
lovestruck friend, I can almost
THAT is a sad predicament you are
months back and there is this
hear the heartache in your words.
in, but don’t hate yourself for it.
lady in our workplace who is
am furious about it. I am a smart,
really hot, hot, hot and has nice
Luckily, help is at hand. It’s called
big hooters.
alcohol. Secretly pour some
witty, intellectual person and I
What you should do instead is
have a lot of female friends, but
completely tone down your love
I have always been concerned
of yourself you sanctimonious,
From the day I laid my eyes on her
wait half an hour for it to kick
they only like me because they
know-it-all pompous twat.
I have dreamed of filling her with
in and then bowl her over with
my juice. She makes me all horny
that wonderful way with words
and gives me a full hard boner.
you have. I guarantee you’ll be
suspect I am gay. Although you are in love with a I go out with women, but they
man (yourself) it does not make
just don’t do anything for me.
you gay.
brandy into her tea at lunch,
jizzing over those titties in the The problem started when I found
photocopier room in no time.
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail Crystal via editor@britishballs.com
JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
MY laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people’s ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject’s memory. Why didn’t I think of that? Timothy, Perth MY doctor just told me that although most people only use 10% of their brains, I only use 9%. I wonder what the other half is for? Terry, Bondi WOMEN are like f ne wines. You can get them cheaper if you go abroad. Todd, Coogee I USED to be an apprentice to a plumber from Chernobyl. He took me under his wing. Peter, Coogee APPARENTLY Imogen Thomas is struggling to launch her pop career. She’s been unable to announce any Giggs. Thomas, Brisbane THIS new “Planking” craze has really taken off. The pensioner next door has been lying face down in the middle of his patio for three days solid now. Frank, Cairns 72
I GOT kicked out of the library today. Apparently I wasn’t allowed to move Kate McCann’s book into the murder mystery section. Jimmy, Edgecliff I MET a girl in a nightclub and told her “I’m going to fuck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine.” She said: “Wow, let’s go. It’s hard to f nd a man with such good stamina.” She didn’t seem as impressed when we got to the caravan. John, Brisbane MUSLIM women have a new social networking site. Book. Jack, Bondi FOOTBALLER Michael Owen has named a new fragrance after himself. It’s called ‘My Cologne’. Frank Cairns I HEARD that Stephen Hawking is totally against racism and sexism. Makes sense. No one is more PC than him. Bob, Townsville BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SCOREBOARD LEAGUE TABLES SERIE A
PREMIER LEAGUE
PlWDL+/-Pts
PlWDL+/-Pts Manchester United37221143977 Chelsea3721883771 Manchester City3720892568 Arsenal37191082967 Tottenham Hotspur3715148859 Liverpool37177131658 Everton37121510551 Fulham37111511648 Stoke City3713717-146 Bolton Wanderers37121015-246 West Brom37121015-1546 Newcastle United37111214-145 Aston Villa37111214-1245 Sunderland37111115-1444 Blackburn Rovers37101017-1440 Wolves3711719-1940 Birmingham City3781514-2039 Blackpool3710918-2139 Wigan Athletic3781514-2239 West Ham United3771218-2433
AC Milan3724944181 Internazionale3722782573 Napoli37216102069 Udinese37205122265 Lazio37196121463 AS Roma3717911560 Juventus371512101057 Palermo3717515-356 Fiorentina37121411550 Genoa3713915-348 Catania37121015-1046 Parma37111214-845 Cagliari3712817-744 Chievo37101314-443 Cesena37111016-1143 Bologna37111214-1342 Lecce3711818-1841 Sampdoria3781217-1436 Brescia3771020-1831 Bari374924-3321
SCOTTISH PREMIER
LA LIGA PlWDL+/-Pts FC Barcelona3729627293 Real Madrid3728546289 Valencia CF3720891868 Villarreal CF37188111162 Sevilla FC3716714055 Athletic Bilbao3717416355 Atlético Madrid3716714855 RCD Espanyol3715418-849 Málaga CF3713717-1246 Sporting Gijón37111313-746 Racing Santander37121015-1446 Levante UD3712916-1045 RCD Mallorca3712817-1444 Real Sociedad3714221-1744 Osasuna3712817-244 Getafe CF3712718-1143 Deportivo La Coruña37101314-1443 Real Zaragoza3711917-1442 Hércules CF379721-2434 UD Almería3761219-2730
PlWDL+/-Pts Rangers3729355590 Celtic3728545989 Heart of Midlothian3718910963 Dundee United37161011458 Kilmarnock37131014249 Motherwell3713717-1646 Inverness 37131113750 St. Johnstone37111016-2043 Hibernian3710720-2037 Aberdeen3710522-2235 St. Mirren378821-2432 Hamilton3751121-3426
FOOTBALL RESULTS
FANTASY FOOTBALL
Thursday, 19 May Npower League One Peterborough 2-0 MK Dons (agg 4-3) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
$1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! # TEAM MANAGER GW
TOT
1 alovelycupoftea James Horrocks 71
2117
2 Stop, Hammertime! Paul Steadman 76 3 Dizzying Heights FC Siva Iyer 54
2088 2039
4 every week you dan magee 22
1994
5 Alan’s Deep Bath jason kerley 47 6 Alcohol Fc Ron f 49
1989
1950
7 TippytappyFC Richie Egan 44
1946
8 ur ma’s athletic brian o gorman 69 9 Mukin Fagic Luke Gately 73
1916 1894
10 The Roosters Steven Cairns 42
1869
12 Holy-family ‘B’ team Pat Mustard 47 13 Arsenal Brian Harvey 35
1861
1859
14 Rootin & Tootin Oisin Coveney 66 15 Tallulah Neil Weaver 48
1855
(in PJ O ’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $500 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
1845
16 Insert Name Here Utd Richard Gadsby 47 17 fi sty cuffs fc Marc Roche 39 18 Dinamo Kraken Tom Hopkins 32 19 match fi xers;) Dermy Donnelly 48 20 Multiple Scorgasms Robert Carry 58
74
Prizes
1880
11 bobby dazzlerz tom mcelwain 73
CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http://fantasy. premier league. com for all the latest r esults and standings. T able below was up to date at time of going to pr ess.
1844
1829 1823 1818 1807
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Wednesday, 18 May Uefa Europa League FC Porto 1-0 Braga Npower League One Huddersfi eld 3-3 B’mouth (agg 4-4) (Huddersfi eld win 4-2 on pens) Scottish First Division Ayr 1-1 Brechin Scottish Second Division Albion 3-1 Annan Athletic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 17 May Barclays Premier League Man City 3-0 Stoke Npower Championship Cardiff 0-3 Reading (agg 0-3) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Monday, 16 May Npower Championship Swansea 3-1 Nott’m Forest (agg 3-1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 15 May Barclays Premier League Arsenal 1-2 Aston Villa Birmingham 0-2 Fulham Chelsea 2-2 Newcastle Liverpool 0-2 Tottenham Wigan 3-2 West Ham (West Ham are relegated) Npower League One MK Dons 3-2 Peterborough Npower League Two Stevenage 2-0 Accrington Stanley Clydesdale Bank Premier League Celtic 4-0 Motherwell Dundee Utd 2-1 Hearts Kilmarnock 1-5 Rangers (Rangers are champions) Blue Square Bet North AFC Telford 3-2 Guiseley Blue Square Bet South Farnborough 2-4 Ebbsfl eet Unite Welsh Premier League Neath 2-1 Aberystwyth Prestatyn Town 2-1 Port Talbot -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 14 May Barclays Premier League Blackburn 1-1 Man Utd (Man Utd are champions) Blackpool 4-3 Bolton Sunderland 1-3 Wolverhampton West Brom 1-0 Everton The FA Cup Man City 1-0 Stoke Npower League One B’mouth 1-1 Huddersfi el
WORLD SPORT BRO NO NOT AGAIN AFL: Another week, another AFL controversy. This time, three North Melbourne players have been caught up in the scandal surrounding a men-only Facebook group that encourages blokes to post saucy pictures of girls without their consent. Jack Ziebell, Hamish McIntosh and Robbie Tarrant are among about 8000 men said to have joined “The Brocial Network” since its launch a fortnight ago. “These players were added to the group without their consent. The players are no longer on the group’s list,” explained Melbourne North media manager Heath O’Loughlin – who clearly has no idea how Facebook works if that’s the best excuse he can come up with.
PASS THE TORCH OLYMPIC: Bristol, Cardiff, Liverpool, Belfast, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Newcastle, Manchester, Sheff eld, Nottingham, Oxford, Southampton and Dover are all set to be torched. Yes, in overhyped symbolism news, the f rst 74 locations on the 2012 Olympics torch relay route, starting at Land’s End, have been revealed. A search for 8,000 “inspirational torchbearers” has also been launched, half of whom will be aged 12-24. BBM would like to nominate our mate Dave from Coventry who once knobbed three birds in the same day. If that’s not inspiring we don’t know what is.
OFF YOUR BIKE CYCLING: British ace Mark Cavendish has hit out claims he hitched a Back to the Future-style tow off the back of a car in the ninth stage of the Giro d’Italia. The ‘Manx Missile’ was last in Sunday’s race, but after winning Tuesday’s 10th stage he came under f re from second-placed Spaniard Fran Ventoso who said ‘everyone saw’ Cavendish cheating. But judging by his response, it appears Cavendish has bigger problems on his mind – including a bizarre stalker situation. “I have a marching band following me,” he trumpeted. “If it was possible to cheat, I would be caught.” 76
GOOD ONIONS CRICKET: Good news for England cricket fans and sport sub-editors, Graham Onions has returned after a 15-month spell on the sidelines following numerous knee injuries. Onions played for England Lions in Sri Lanka’s tour match at Derby. “At times I’ve doubted I’d get the ball back in my hands and bowl quick. It’s great to be in an England tracksuit once again,” he blubbered. Meanwhile, Sri Lanka have already suffered a heavy loss on the tour - several hundred pounds worth of diesel was siphoned from their team coach at Uxbridge.
CLEVERLY DONE BOXING: Welshman Nathan Cleverly has cruised to victory in his WBO world light-heavyweight title f ght – largely because the other guy didn’t turn up. Juergen Braehmer has been stripped of the title after pulling out of his scheduled f ght at the weekend. Now Cleverly will face a ranked challenger instead. “I badly wanted to get this guy in the ring and win the title in style. As far as I’m concerned, he’s ducked out and doesn’t want to f ght me,” he ducked and weaved.
WARNE-ING CRICKET: Much like his hair, Shane Warne’s cricket career was again unnaturally extended after the 41year-old somehow escaped a ban that would have prematurely brought about his retirement. Instead, the Liz Hurley-shagging spinner was f ned about £31,000 after a bust-up with Sanjay Dixit, Rajasthan state cricket association secretary.
NSW IN A STATE NRL: New South Wales’s annual humiliation at the hands of Queensland kicks off this week with the f rst State of Origin game. The best-of-three series starts on May 25th.
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
MANCHESTER: CITY OF WINNERS WHAT do Chelsea, Tottenham and Arsenal all have in common? They hail from London and leave their football season trophyless. For one night the capital of England was Manchester. United secured their 19th league title, proving they have a better history than Liverpool. And f nally, after half a kajilion pounds spent, City are f nally seeing some return in their investment. Spend a few more billion and they may well have the Premier League in the bag too. However, the real celebrations were happening in Wigan last week. You would have thought they’d won the championship the way the fans reacted to beating West Ham in the dying minutes. For Wigan, it meant they lived to f ght another day in their relegation battle. For West Ham though, not so lucky. But let’s be honest, we all knew it was coming. For some reason, West Ham’s owners hired a manager with great experience in getting clubs relegated. After successfully taking Portsmouth down to the Championship, Avram Grant has backed it up with The Hammers. He just needs one more chance for the relegation hat-trick. At one stage, it even looked like Carlo Ancelotti was at more risk of losing his job than Grant. Even now, with Chelsea’s remarkable resurgence getting them within a whisker of a title shot, Ancelotti may still be on his last legs at Chelsea. It’s not hard to see why. Chelsea pick managers as often as United win trophies. So what happens to the banner that hangs at Old Trafford counting the years that City have not won a trophy? Maybe United fans should alter it to show the amount of trophies they have won compared to City in the last 35 years - United 30, City 1. And counting… - Lorna Evio Twitter:sportswithheart
78
BHOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN PRESUMBALY as part of Neil Lennon’s witness protection program, Celtic will temporarily relocate to Australia for two weeks in July for a three-match pre-season tour. The Bhoys will play the Central Coast Mariners at ANZ Stadium on July 2, followed by Perth Glory at NIB Stadium on July 9 and Melbourne Victory at AAMI Park on July 13. Previously thought to be distantly related to the jellyf sh or the squid, fresh evidence has revealed that the FA may have a backbone after all following its decision to abstain from voting for the next FIFA president. With the only two candidates being anti-England twat Sepp Blatter and dodgy Qatar twat Mohamed Bin Hammam, the FA said: “There are a well-reported range of issues both recent and current which, in the view of the FA board, make it diff cult to support either candidate.” Arsenal kiddy f ddler Arsene Wenger has vowed to “f ght very hard” to keep Cesc Fabregas at the club next season. “I expect him to be here, and I will f ght very hard to keep him here,” said Wenger. $50 says he’ll be in the Barcelona dressing room at
second opinion seemed to prevail. However, we’re not sure if the ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ argument will work a again, following Becks’ revelation that he will once more make a mid-season return f ight from LA to the UK in a couple of weeks to play in Gary Neville’s testimonial match with Juventus.
the Champions League f nal meeting his new teammates. Painfully reminded of the fact that he was tragically born without a sense of humour, Sir Alex Ferguson says he wishes it had been him hanging up a banner proclaiming ‘MUFC 19 times’ at Anf eld last Sunday. “I wish I had taken that banner to Liverpool,” said Old Purplenose.
May 19th, BBC Sport: “Manchester City chairman Khaldoon al Mubarak says there will be no wild spending spree this summer.” May 20th, The Sun back page: “Real Madrid want to sell Cristiano Ronaldo to Manchester City for a staggering £150million.”
After once again buggering up Cardiff’s chances of playing Premier League football, manager Dave Jones says he will discuss his future with the club in the next few days. “Can you call this failure?” asked Jones. “I’m a big daft Scouser and I will bounce back. Give me time to get over it. I don’t give up on anything.”
Europe’s most pointless competition, the Europa League, has been won by Porto, who beat Braga 1-0 in Dublin.
When David Beckham made a stamina-sapping return f ight from LA to the UK for the Royal Wedding in the middle of the MLS season, there was some debate. Was he being disrespectful and unprofessional towards his duties as an LA Galaxy player? Or was it an understandable ‘one-off’ invitation that no club could reasonably expect him to refuse? In the end, the
And as if to underline how naff the Euro League is, Fulham appear to be doing everything in their power to get out of it next season. At the end of April, the Cottagers had been favourites for a spot in European football’s equivalent of the Paralympics thanks to the UEFA Fair Play League. But 10 yellow cards in their last two games has left their chances in limbo.
THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE! with ace pundit Chris Kamara
Former Portsmouth star Kevin-Prince Boateng has followed through on his promise to do a Michael Jackson routine if his AC Milan side won the Serie A title. The Italian club won their f rst Italian championship in seven years last week, and celebrated with a resounding 4-1 thrashing of Cagliari in front of their home fans. But it was Boateng who stole the show after the match by dressing like the King of Pop and performing all of Jackson’s best dance moves, including the moonwalk. Unbelievable Jeff!
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
FEATURE
RACE FOR THE PRIZE RACISM is an abhorrent stain on society that should have no place in a civilised world. By contrast, there’s no harm in a good old-fashioned bit of British xenophobia, whether it be humourless lederhosen-wearing Germans, riverdancing Irish drunkards or racist Spaniards. Which – ta-dah! – brings us nicely onto the subject of Barcelona star Sergio Busquets, who this week
has been given the go ahead to play in the Champions League f nal after being cleared of making racist remarks in the semi-f nal against Real Madrid. FIFA dismissed the charge “due to a lack of strong and convincing evidence”. This presumably means that shouting the word “monkey, monkey” to a black player while trying to cover your mouth so cameras don’t catch you, doesn’t
count as being racist in FIFA’s big book of political correctness. While this may be good news for Lee Bowyer, who can now f nally get that Swastika tattooed onto his forehead, it’s not exactly a great advert for the game in the lead up to the biggest showpiece in club football, especially as it’s just the latest in a long line of Spanish racial abuse problems which have earned anything from a wrist-
FROM SERGIO’S FLAMING LIPS
slap to a back-slap from FIFA as punishment. Luckily, Barca boss Pep Guardiola has moved quickly to clear up the situation. “I won’t tell you what [Busquets] told me,” he said. That’s that sorted then. Anyway, enough of our whinging – here’s a list of the best Champions League f nals of all time. And before the Celtic fans start complaining, that’s Champions League NOT European Cup.
...TOP FIVE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINALS... BARCELONA 2-1 ARSENAL 2006: STADE DE FRANCE
For once a Barca v Arsenal game that lived up to its billing. It was always going to be an exciting one the moment Jens Lehmann (right) was sent off after 18 minutes for a tackle on Samuel Eto’o. Amazingly, Sol Campbell then put Arsenal in front and with 15 minutes to go it looked like they might hold on. They didn’t. Instead Eto’o equalised and Juliano Belletti scored the winner four minutes later. It’s been downhill ever since for Arsenal in the trophy-winning stakes.
REAL MADRID 2-1 LEVERKUSEN 2002: HAMPDEN PARK
Real’s last European title win and their only one from the not-such-a-great-idea Galacticos era. A decent enough game but the reason for it’s elevation onto this list is the best Champions League goal of all time. With the score at 1-1, Roberto Carlos broke down the left and looped a poor cross to the edge of the box. Zinedine Zidane (left) duly spanked it f rst time into the top left corner to win it for Madrid.
LIVERPOOL 3-3 AC MILAN
MAN UTD 2-1 BAYERN MUNICH 1999: NOU CAMP
Do we really need to remind you about this one? Probably not, but does anyone remember how Bayern had numerous gilt-edged chances to f nish the game as they led 1-0 late on? Again, probably not. Instead, this game is only remembered for one memorable minute of injury time, as United not only equalised but also hit the winner courtesy of goals from substitutes Teddy Sheringham (pictured) and Ole Gunnar Solskjær.
AC MILAN 4-0 BARCELONA
1994: OLYMPIC STADIUM (ATHENS)
(LIVERPOOL WIN ON PENS)
) 2005: ATATÜRK OLYMPIC STADIUM (ISTANBUL
With Liverpool trailing 3-0 at half-time, BBM gave up watching. When we switched the telly back on half an hour later it inspired a “whaaaaa?!” moment as we rubbed our eyes in disbelief. Goals within the f rst 15 minutes of the second half from Steeeeevie Gerrard (right), Vladimír Šmicer, and Xabi Alonso put Liverpool back on level pegging and they went on to win on penalties. Liverpool fans haven’t shut up about it since.
One of the biggest upsets in Champions League f nal history. Barca were heavy favourites having just won the La Liga title while Milan’s preparations were in chaos with Marco van Basten, Gianluigi Lentini (the then world’s most expensive footballer), Franco Baresi, Alessandro Costacurta, Florin Rducioiu, Jean-Pierre Papin and Brian Laudrup all missing for various reasons. Milan duly smashed Barca in what many pundits still claim is the greatest 90-minute performance of all time in a Champions League f nal.
...WHERE TO WATCH THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL... WE enjoy getting up at 4am in the morning as much as the next man (i.e. not at all) but next week’s Champions League f nal between Barcelona and Man United at Wembley is compulsive viewing.
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The game kicks off at 4.45am (Sydney time) but the big question, as usual, is where’s best to watch it? Well lucky you, because we’ve compiled a list of the best bars in town that are showing the big game. Here you go!
SYDNEY: Jacksons on George, Scruffy Murphy’s and The Empire Hotel. MELBOURNE: Bridie O’Reilly’s (on Little Collins Street).
BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SPORT GUIDE
Contents PAGE 80 Football Feature: We cast our mind back to the halcyon days of the Champions League.
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PAGE 78 Football News: Neil Lennon ducks for cover Down Under. PAGE 76 World Sport: Joe Public is allowed to look but not torch. PAGE 74 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables.
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BBM-609 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
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