BBM Live February issue 698

BBM DANCE MUSIC PODCAST LIVE Chinese Laundry March 2nd ft Huxley

CONTENTS 04 | BEST OF FEBRUARY HIGHLIGHTS 06 | BEST OF BRITISH 08 | 6 NATIONS FEATURE 10 | SYDNEY 16 | MELBOURNE 22 | ADVENTURE TRAVEL 24 | BRISBANE 26 | GLOBAL TRAVEL DESTINATIONS 28 | IBIZA 29 | TRAVEL ACCESSORIES 30 | WHAT’S TRENDING 32 | INTERVIEWS 36 | MUSIC NEWS 39 | FUNNY NEWS 41 | SPORTS NEWS 44 | CRYSTAL BALLS & JOKES 46 | ADULT CLASSIFIEDS 48 | ACCOM & TRAVEL LISTINGS 52 | RECRUITMENT NEWS 54 | BBM TRIVIA

EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, Amy Baker, Harry Dillon, Jim Palmer, Carol Friel, Rachel Pottle, Peter Simpson, Merlin Ramos, Robert Bramhill, Robin Lewis WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber & Jess Comber DESIGN Jess Comber E: design@what-media.com PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir E: tom.shakir@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 Frankie Salt E: marketing1@bbmlive.com P: +61 8 9433 6162 CLASSIFIEDS & LISTINGS E: info@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 PRINTED BY SPOTPRESS NOTE TO ADVERTISERS Gaining the approval for the use of trademarks and images in advertisments is the responsibility of the advertiser and not What Media Pty Ltd. Advertising material is accepted in good faith and What Media Pty Ltd bears no responsibility for any claims or errors. Copyright of original material is held by What Media Pty Ltd. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden except with written permission of the publishers.

HIGHLIGHTS

The Best of February 2013

Adventure Travel Film Festival

If films are your thing then Victoria’s Adventure Travel Film Festival is the one for you. After last year’s roaring success, this festival showcases some of the best independent travel films. So get your camping gear together and enjoy a film or two in Bright’s beautiful countryside.

What: Adventure Travel Film Festival 2013 Where: Alpine Visitors Centre, Bright, Victoria When: 15th – 17th February More info: adventuretravelfilmfestival.com

Brisbane 2nd - Sydney College of the Arts, Sydney 3rd - Footscray Community Arts Centre, Melbourne 8th - Foler’s Live and Unisa City West Campus, Adelaide 9th - Perth Cultural Centre, Perth What: Bat For Lashes/ Laneway Festival 2013 Where: Auckland, Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide & Perth When: 28th January – 9th February More info: batforlashes.com

Australian Open of Surfing

Julia Stone at Heavenly Sounds

Witness some of the world’s best surfers during the annual Australian Open of Surfing. But surfing is not all this nine-day festival has to offer. With free art, music and skateboarding events taking place throughout, this beach festival has something for everyone.

What: Australia’s Open of Surfing Where: Manly Beach, Sydney When: 9th – 17th February More info: australianopenofsurfing.com

Bat For Lashes at Laneway Festival

The English Indie singer songwriter/ multi instrumentalist Bat For Lashes, is getting ready to take Australia by storm. She’ll be hitting theatres as well as making appearances at this year’s St Jerome’s Laneway Festival.

January 28th - Silo Park, Auckland February 1st - RNA Showgrounds,

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shore this month with her lovely soulful hits. Be sure to catch Jones as who knows when she’ll next be back!

February 15th & 16th - State Theatre, Sydney 19th - Convention Centre, Brisbane 21st - The Plenary, Melbourne 22nd - Festival Theatre, Adelaide 24th - Riverside Theatre, Perth What: Norah Jones Where: Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide & Perth When: 15th – 24th February More info: norahjones.com

DFO She Can DJ Remixed Tour

Heavenly Sounds are proud to present Australia’s Julia Stone as the first musical act for this year’s tour. Be sure to witness the Pop/Rock singer in one of Australia’s most astonishing churches or cathedrals.

February 14th - St Stephen’s Uniting Church, Sydney 15th - St John’s Cathedral, Brisbane 19th - St David’s Cathedral, Hobart 20th - St Michael’s Church, Melbourne 21st - Flinders Street Baptist Church, Adelaide 22nd - St Joseph’s Church, Subiaco What: Julia Stone Where: Sydney, Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, Adelaide & Subiaco When: 14th – 22nd February More info: heavenlysounds.com.au

EMI Music and She Can DJ have teamed up with DFO to present She Can DJ Remixed Tour across the nation. Featuring DJs from 2011 and 2012’s Top 10 finalists, the tour hits Australia’s best clubs. So let She Can DJ get you in the party mood this month.

February 1st - The Guestlist, Sydney 9th - Bloc Party, Kit & Kaboodle 15th - Baroq, Melbourne 16th - Electric Circus, Adelaide 23rd - Usual Suspects, Soho, Sydney 27th - The Wall World Bar, Sydney March 3rd - Finale Home Nightclub, Sydney 16th - HQ Complex, Adelaide What:She Can DJ Remixed Tour Where: Sydney, Melbourne & Adelaide When:1st February – 16th March More info: www.shecandj.com

Norah Jones Tour

St Kilda Festival 2013

If you haven’t already got tickets, buy them now as Norah Jones is a must see. After seven years away, the American Jazz star graces Australia’s

Melbourne’s most loved festival plays host to a mix of local music, dance and children’s activities. Located on St Kilda’s finest shores it celebrates

the best of Australia’s musical gems.

It’s completely free so there’s no reason not to join in the festivities!

What: St Kilda Festival 2013 Where: St Kilda, Melbourne When: 2nd – 10th February More info: stkildafestival.com.au

The Presets

Electronic duo The Presets are set to tour Australia’s shores for the first time since 2009. Renowned for their unforgettable live shows, these boys are ones to keep a close eye on!

February 5th - AEC Theatre, Adelaide 6th- Palace Theatre, Melbourne 11th - Enmore Theatre, Sydney 16th - The Tivoli, Brisbane What: The Presets Tour Where: Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney & Brisbane When: 5th – 16th February More info: www.thepresets.com

Tina Arena

Melbourne’s Tina Arena will be taking to the stage with her classic collection of breath taking and awe inspiring songs. She’ll be performing with two fantastic orchestra’s as part of her ‘Encore Concerts’ tour, so don’t miss Australia’s highest selling female artist!

February 12th & 13th - Hammer Hall The Arts Centre, Melbourne 26th & 27th - State Theatre, Sydney March 1st - Canberra Theatre, Canberra What: Tina Arena Where: Melbourne, Sydney & Canberra When: 12th February – 1st March More info: www.tinarena.com

Chinese New Year In Australia Australia becomes host to the most exciting and largest Chinese New Year celebrations outside of China throughout the month of February. Most events are free and there is something for everyone to get involved in across Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Brisbane.

Internationally renowned for its diversity of cultures within the city - Sydney brings home a mammoth celebration of the Chinese New Year this February.

In 2012 alone, the Festival brought at least 100,000 people to attend the parade and more than 600,000 people celebrated across all festival events. An estimated 150,000 people from China and across Asia also visited Sydney, making the city a seriously exciting place to be to ring in the Chinese New Year.

The festival’s opening weekend explodes with Chinese arts and crafts, food stalls, and entertainment throughout the city. Learn to cook in true Asian style as the skies are illuminated with fireworks at the launch of the New Year festivities on the 8th February.

Little Bourke Street. There will be celebrations over seven days at various venues showcasing over 50 performances, 25 stalls, lion dances, dragon dances and plenty of firecrackers.

Everyone knows that Sydney does parades well, and the Chinese New Year parade is to be launched on the 17th February. Do not miss the Dragon Boat Races on the last weekend of February down at Cockle Bay for a day out of the ordinary. The long boats seat 20 people and things are certain to become a little heated as the race creates a stir.

Brisbane kick starts the celebrations on the 8th February for 10 days of non-stop music, firecrackers, lion and dragon dance performances.

As Brisbane says farewell to the dragon with a traditional Chinese Lion Dance, it also welcomes alternative celebrations for over a week with great experiences such as Vegetarian Music on Saturday 9th February, where only vegetables are used to create music that explores the history of China and the New Year celebrations.

Melbourne is also getting in on the celebration of the year of the snake. On the 10th February let the fun begin with the opening parade beginning on

Perth also explores the celebrations of ‘the year of the black water snake’ on Sunday 10th February.

As street performances take over and lion and dragon dance performances bring the city to life, head to James Street and Lake Street which are transformed into a dream world of colours, water and the sounds and smells of China. A multicultural concert will be staged at 7.00pm at the Northbridge Piazza, presenting vibrant and colourful act to show the importance of the Chinese New Year.

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HIGHLIGHTS

The Best of British...

Just because you live Down Under, doesn’t mean that you have to forget your roots. Thankfully, there are some places in Australia that stay in tune with all things British, including shops, bars and restaurants that strive to bring the best bits of Britain overseas to Australia. In the true British essence, when times of crisis or trouble appear, we all know that a proper cup of tea and a Mcvities biscuit for dipping solves all worries in a flash. Here BBM explores the British treats lurking in the deepest depths of Australia.

To The Chocoholic With Love...

Brits are known for their sweet tooth and love for all things chocolaty. There is no denying that the chocolate in Australia just isn’t the same as what you would pick up back in the UK. Most British shops across Australia stock a large variety of sweets and treats to save the day. The crème de la crème of a choc-attack cure can be posted to your home without having to leave the sofa. Check out the Cadbury’s selection at most British shops across Australia such as www.britishsweets.com. au. You will find a huge selection of items you may have forgotten about, that will make your mouth water, and crunch away any chocolate flavoured homesickness.

L-I-V-E,R,P - Double - L- O Liverpool F.C

In Need Of Porky Whites & Picalilly?

For The Homesick Exotic Diner

Whether you want to go all out and create a traditional roast or hangover-curing fry up, or want a pork pie and some picalilly, Britain On The Bayside is your go to website. You can order online at www.britainonthebayside.com or pick up in person if you happen to be in Queensland.

Stocking everything from chutneys to jams, cereals and pork sausages (none of that skinless beef sausage malarkey) you can’t go far wrong at this handy online supermarket.

When hunger strikes there’s nothing worse than opening an empty cupboard. For PG Tips, jams and marmalades, soups and even gravy, shops such as The Best Of British over in Perth, Western Australia stock a huge range of groceries imported from Britain. Recreate a traditional British pantry by visiting www.bestofbritish.com.au so fret not, you can still make the perfect cuppa.

Dear Muso With The Brit Pop Badges...

Treats From Home in Melbourne and Sydney provide gifts for the most passionate British music enthusiasts amongst you. This is the perfect place to pick up gifts for friends or for yourself, all nicely influenced and to do with your favourite British bands.

Check out this great British store online for all things music related at www.treatsfromhome.com. au where you will find a great selection of retro and current memorabilia.

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The time difference across the other side of the world can make it difficult to watch your favourite team play those all-important matches throughout the season. This is why so many companies across Australia now import towels, stickers, DVDs and even that new kit which you want to wear with pride.

Imagine drinking a fine cup of Earl Grey from a mug of your team’s colours - the perfect past time for all you football mad hooligans, who can’t quite reach the true atmosphere back in Blighty. Again www. bestofbritish.com.au will help kit out even the most enthusiastic Gooners amongst you.

There are plenty of British restaurants serving fine British cuisine across Australia in all of the major cities. However if you fancy something other than bangers and mash or shepherds pie then do read on for we have exciting news...

Our culinary God, Jamie Oliver (hallowed by His name) has spread his wings and Jamie’s Italian has now opened up Sydney and Perth. Ok we know it’s Italian food, but it reminds us of boozey post shopping lunches. Check out Jamie’s menu at www.jamieoliver.com/italian/australia/home And speaking of fuelling up whilst on the go, if you fancy something more exotic that also reminds you of home then stop by Wagamama’s for some quality ramen. With branches now open across Australia with 11 restaurants for you to choose from. Peruse the Wagamama menu and locate your nearest eatery at www.wagamama.com.au/food/home.

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot...

If you happen to be blind, deaf and dumb and don’t know that the Six Nations is on, then stop reading now. Ok, we forgive you, you may join us once again.

For those of you wanting to flex your patriotic muscle in the latest England, Scotland, Irish, or Welsh rugby shirt then you can get your “toight” bodies into one by visiting www.worldrugbyshop. com, where the delivery charge is just $16.

It’s a bargain and you will look sexy when England whip Australia and triumph over New Zealand and Wales, of course.

For you true rugby fans stuck Down Under make sure you don’t miss the Lions Tour when they touch down in the Southern Hemisphere throughout June and July.

In true patriotic style the British & Irish Lions will be taking on the Barbarians, the NSW Waratahs, the Queensland Reds, Western Force and Australia amongst others.

Win FREE Pasties From steak to cheese n onion, and ye old faithful traditional, this is one for all the pasty lovers out there.

BBM & Cousin Jacks Pasty Co. have teamed up to offer you the ulitimate lunch time deal this month.

Email us with your full name and email or sign up to the BBMLive.com newsletter between now and the 28th February and you and your friends, work colleagues, housemates or room mates could win six Cousin Jacks Pasties of your choice delivered to you anywhere in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney! competitions@what-media.com Terms & Conditions: Entries must be made before the 28th February 2013. Winners must be signed up to the BBMLive.com newsletter and provide all the information required in the sign up form. Delivery is restricted to Sydney CBD and the Eastern Suburbs. Offer can be collected in store. Users and readers of BBM must be over 18 years of age. Winners must be available between the 1st and 7th March to claim the prize. Your contact information will only be used by Cousin Jacks Pasty Co. and What Media Pty Ltd for promotional purposes and you may opt out of receiving marketingmaterial at any time by responding to the email with “Take Me Out” in the subject header.

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HIGHLIGHTS

The Six Nations 2013 Put on that super-tight replica shirt that shows off your moobs, start learning the words to ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’, and begin drinking responsibly because it’s time for another Six Nations featuring the big guns of the northern hemisphere: England! Wales! Ireland! Scotland! Those guys! The other ones! And this year it comes with the same question as every year- can England win the thing?

In contrast to last year’s Six Nations, England don’t seem to be under as much pressure to perform to a significantly high standard. Clearly an embarrassing Scotland-like showing in the competition wouldn’t go down well, but they aren’t under the same pressures to prove themselves as they were in 2012.

Heading into that tournament with memories of Mike Tindall’s… erm, let’s just say antics (little person and boobie antics that is) - ahem - and further off-field scandals that ultimately cost Martin Johnson his job, the England players needed to redeem themselves by showing up sober and not having how much money they’d be making on each game at the forefront of their minds. Then new boss (now just boss) Stuart Lancaster ushered in a new-era by taking Hollywood’s approach to a problem and culling the old guard to bring in fresh and nubile young starlets. To the surprise of quite literally some people, England did themselves proud winning four out of five games – with a single loss to Wales separating the two teams at the top of the table – and their impressive form has since been maintained.

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So maybe this year England can head in to the competition with quiet confidence, knowing that while victory isn’t guaranteed, they can compete with anyone. However… the monumental thrashing Lancaster’s men gave the All Blacks in the final game of the Autumn Tests has raised a lot of people’s expectations. So maybe they are under pressure, and what I’ve just said is nonsense. But then again, perhaps that win has given England the boost they need to go on and win the thing…

Ah what do I know? Apart from when it comes to English sport there are no guarantees.

As always there’s the small matter of the other teams. Of course, Wales will be returning to defend their title, with high hopes that they can repeat last year’s Grand Slam. Is that possible? Probably not.

Wales are still a fantastic team and have been boosted by the news that Alun-Wynn Jones may be available for the latter games; but, entering this year’s tournament, Wales are on a terrible run of form, which has been described in some quarters as ‘a terrible run of form’. But do you want to write them off? I don’t.

You have to expect that for the Six Nations a team as good as Wales should be able to get their act together. But what if they don’t… Of the others, Ireland is still a side in transition, and Scotland, at the time of writing, is without a permanent coach (though that’s not necessarily going to make them any worse).

Ahead of the opening game on 2 February, Scotland’s prospects for the tournament are even more bleak than usual having suffered the triple blow of Mike Blair’s retirement, centre Nick De Luca’s surgery, and the team continuing to be shit at rugby.

This may be a rare occasion when it’s OK to big up England’s chances of winning something without fear of it coming back around to kick you in the face.

With England in impressive form, Wales stuttering, and the rest trundling along we could be set for an English Grand Slam. So put your money on France.

By Peter Simpson

Where to watch the Six Nations Sydney Coogee Bay Hotel

Boasting Sydney’s biggest beer garden and offering both luxurious and budget accommodation this place is a hive of activity. The sports bar comes equipped with pool tables and screens on every wall, but make sure you check ahead to see if the Six Nations will be aired.

253 Coogee Bay Road, Sydney 02 9665 0000 www.coogeebayhotel.com.au

Melbourne Elgin Inn

The Elgin Inn is a traditional pub which has been standing in Melbourne suburb Hawthorn since 1929. With a rooftop deck available to lap up the Melbourne sun, a jukebox, pool table and access to all major sports channels, it’s a nice alternative from the hubbub of the city.

75 Burwood Road, Hawthorn Victoria 03 9819 3338 www.elgininn.com.au

Madison Hotel

Open 24 hours a day, seven days a week with both Fox and Setanta sports channels, all your sporting needs are met at the Madison.

52 Devonshire Street, Surrey Hills, Sydney 02 9211 1612 www.madisonhotel.com.au

Scruffy Murphy’s

The fact it’s open 24 hours gives sports fans the chance to watch their favourite team without the worry of time zone clashes. With ESPN, Fox and Setanta you won’t miss a minute of the rugby and you can chow down with a varied menu of traditional Irish food and classic gastro pub offerings.

43-49 Goulburn Street, Sydney 02 9211 2002 www.scruffymurphys.com.au

Brisbane Pig ‘N’ Whistle

Known as Brisbane’s ‘traditional British pub’, the Pig ‘N’ Whistle not only has a broader menu than your average steak and burger affairs but also prides itself on being know as Brisbane’s best craft beer venue. With extensive sports coverage delivered through multiple big screens this is a perfect choice for any sports fan.

Riverside Centre, 123 Eagle Street, Brisbane 07 832 9099 www.pignwhistle.com.au

Perth Rosie O’Grady’s

One of the first Irish pubs established in Perth, Rosie O’Grady’s is a great place to not only indulge in some ice cold Magners and traditional Irish stout but to catch all the best live sporting action from around the world. With many rugby followers as pub regulars Rosie’s will be showing extensive coverage of this years Six Nations tournament.

Corner James & Milligan Streets, Northbridge Perth 08 9328 1488 www.northbridge.rosieogradys.com.au

Adelaide Rosemont Hotel

The Rosemont Hotel’s giant sports bar is open 24 hours and will provide all the Six Nations coverage you’re going to need this February. With over 45 screens adorning the walls as well as six mega screens, TAB, bistro dining and great offers on beer this is Adelaide’s premier live sports venue.

160 Hindley Street, Adelaide Australia 08 221 5156 www.rosemonthotel.com.au

By Harry Dillon

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SYDNEY

The Perfect Date...

Valentine’s Day. Perhaps when you were back home a card, some wine and flowers would have done the trick.Maybe you were a chocolates and movie kind of guy. Well listen up, you’re in Sydney now and that kind of half-arsed romanticism will impress no-one. No-one. Luckily for you, BBM has found a range of different date ideas to inspire you...

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Segway Tours

Charity Art Battles At Name This Bar

Hunter Valley Wine Tasting

Sydney Coastal Walk

If you have ever seen the Youtube clip of a chimpanzee riding a segway then you will know this is a winner. Based near Sydney Olympic Park – don’t do what I did and arrive at the train station with 20 minutes to spare, it is not that close and your date won’t be impressed – book ahead for a 60-minute all-terrain X2 Adventure tour ($89) or the 90-minute X2 Adventure Plus tour ($119) which both take you cross country at the historic Newington Armoury and its picturesque surroundings on an off-road Segway.

Sydney Olympic Park - Newington Armory 1300 85 99 83 www.segwaytours.com.au

Bridge Climb

The climb may be steep in price but you cannot top that view or the experience of hiking up one of the World’s most iconic structures. It is every bit as fun as it looks as you pull on a boiler suit and take the walk up. This will impress any date, give you some great memories, lovely photo mementos and even a souvenir hat. And in case you were thinking it may not be romantic enough, more than 4,000 people have got engaged during BridgeClimb, and around 25 weddings have been held on the bridge.Climb at sunset ($298) for added awww-factor.

3 Cumberland Street, Sydney 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com

This has all the hallmarks of a classic: amazing scenery, chocolate, cuddly animals and lots of booze. Even then, Kangariffic’s Hunter Valley tour ($98) will exceed your expectations. Owner, driver and guide Sam Collins’ bus is new, comfortable, and with a maximum of 12 on the tour and Sam’s warm Aussie hospitality, you feel like you are on a road trip with mates.Other Hunter Valley trips focus solely on wine, but Kangariffic broadens its scope by stopping a wildlife sanctuary. You also taste cheese, microbrewery beer and, of course lots of wine at three vineyards, including boutique wineries where you can pick up some real bargains of top plonk.

Hunter Valley 0431 894 471 www.kangariffictours.com

Inside this trendy bar on Oxford Street, artists regularly go head-to-head like a middle-class ‘8 Mile’ in a unique live movement that fuses art and entertainment and lets creatives display their talents in high-pressure competition. You can take in amazing art here most days, but on Valentine’s Day, your favourite celebrities – still to be confirmed – and artists will take each other on to raise money for children’s charity Variety. Works will be auctioned off at the end of the night. Doors open 6.30pm and battles start at 8.30pm, with entry $15.

Name This Bar, 197 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst 02 9356 2123 www.namethisbar.com.au If these recommendations have lacked that romantic punch, a walk from Manly Lagoon to North Head and The Spit should do the job nicely. This magnificent walk features Manly Beach, Shelly Beach, Sydney Harbour National Park, the historic former School of Artillery and North Head Sanctuary. From North Head you will get unbelievable views downharbour before passing Manly Cove and the former Quarantine Station and joining the popular Manly Scenic Walkway. After circling North Harbour on the scenic walkway you get some excellent views of the Heads, Crater Cove and Grotto Point Light before dropping on to Clontarf beach and ending up at the Spit Bridge. You might want to bring a blanket and some food and drink to enjoy some of the best views Sydney has to offer. www.walkingcoastalsydney.com.au

Sydney Jetboating

Fancy getting your date’s adrenaline pumping? (Not like that you filthy bugger.)

Then why not go for a spin around Sydney Harbour wreaking all kinds of havoc in a jet boat.

At Oz Jet Boating they offer the Shark Attack Thrill Ride, departing every hour from Circular Quay, featuring spins, slides and power-break stops for $75 per adult. Maybe not up there with the most romantic dates in history, there is always time to make that all important gesture later in the day. This is something you simply have to experience when in Sydney and is a fantastic vantage point to see the city sights. On the lap of Sydney Harbour you will come face to face with the Sydney Opera House, Clark and Shark Islands, Harbour-side mansions, Taronga Zoo and Sydney Harbour Bridge. Be sure to pack some spare pants if you are going to eat afterwards, it gets a bit wet and wild out there!

20A Waterview Street, Putney, Sydney 02 98083700 www.ozjetboating.com

By Jim Palmer & Harry Dillon

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SYDNEY

Seafood In Sydney Sydney has possibly the World’s most famous harbour and is a city surrounded by sea on the most temperate, vivid coastline.

It is also Australia’s biggest city and boasts a proud culinary heritage. It is not surprising, then, that you can get great seafood all over town. From oysters to scallops, lobster and seabass, and even your bog standard fish and chips, you’ll find it all in and around this bustling metropolis. BBM set sail to catch five of the finest...

Garfish, Manly

Every morning, a chap from Garfish bids at the auctions to bring back the freshest and best piscine delights.

And you can tell. Choose from a daily-updated lineup on the blackboard, cooked however you want it by a gang of skilled chefs in the open kitchen.

The day we went and the Swordfish ($32) had been caught locally in New South Wales, so was an obvious choice.

A generous hunk of white fish, close in resemblance to a steak, was juicy and tender, falling apart over a moreish combination of sautéed Kipfler potatoes, bacon and peas in a salty smoked fish roe butter.

(Ok, we’re going to have to go back there, having just replayed that meal in our mouths.)

And you can wash it down with a Manly-brewed 4 Pines Kolsch beer as you watch the sun dip into the ocean and boats pull into Manly’s gorgeous harbour from the comfort of this buzzy, contemporary restaurant.

The wait staff have encyclopaedic knowledge of their fare and a knack for knowing when they are needed, even if it is just to take a photo.

39 Esplanade, Manly, NSW 2095 02 9977 0707 www.garfish.com.au

Doyles On The Beach, Watson’s Bay

Doyles on the Beach has been run by the same family in the same spot at Watson’s Bay since 1885.

What a beautiful spot it is, too - a quiet beach and picturesque cove and into the distance the sun setting over the city and the Harbour Bridge.

Sounds ideal, doesn’t it?

Choosing a starter is impossible, so go for the Mixed Plate ($20.50) which features Salt and Pepper Calamari, King Prawn, Sydney Rock Oyster, Smoked Salmon and the incomparable Jumbo King Prawn – battered and stuffed with bacon, sultanas, leek, egg, spinach and pine nuts.

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Follow it up with any of a variety of catches of the day, battered with chips or something more adventurous like a whole baked Snapper. Wash it down with Doyle’s Fisherman’s Lager. That’s right, they even brew their own.

Doyles on the Beach has it all – excellent food and plenty of it, family history and the best view you can imagine.

11 Marine Parade, Watson’s Bay, NSW 2030 02 9337 2007 www.doyles.com.au

Nick’s Seafood

Nick’s is perfectly placed right in the heart of Darling Harbour.

Legend has it that Nick himself still trundles along to the market of a morning to choose only the best fish, and once you’ve tasted it you won’t be able to argue.

The food is high quality – keep an eye on the specials for winners like local Snapper and Blue Eye Pie ($39) or the ugly-sounding, ugly-looking and steeply-priced, but totally worth it, Moreton Bay Bugs ($38 for the entrée).

The restaurant is swish and buzzy and feels like just the venue for a special occasion, reinforced by frequent choruses of smiley staff singing happy birthday to blushing diners. You’ll definitely have a great time at Nick’s.

Cockle Bay Wharf, Sydney 1300 989 989 www.nicks-seafood.com.au

Fish at the Rocks

Small, quaint and with a calm, pleasing ambiance, there are few more delightful ways to spend an evening than sampling the pristinely-cooked delicacies of Fish at the Rocks.

Away from the hubbub of the main drag, this small restaurant is serene with relaxing, individualistic and classical décor. Head chef and owner Paul Tate often keeps things simple with exquisite flavour combinations and deft technique. Presentation

is superb and dessert is an absolute must – the Profiteroles with Homemade Butterscotch IceCream look and taste like the work of an artist.

Opt for the chef’s signature Whole Baked Barramundi stuffed with diced prawn and vegetables, red coconut curry sauce and fried sushi rice balls ($35), which boasts a crisp skin over soft, juicy fish and a generous filling.

Start with a Sharing Platter ($21) – a selection of entrées including Scallops on moreish smoked mash and Smoked Salmon Gravilax with zucchini rosti and salmon caviar.

29 Kent Street, Sydney 02 9252 4614 www.fishattherocks.com.au

Love.Fish

Off the wall and utterly brilliant, Love.Fish is run by husband and wife Michael and Michelle Milkovic according to their green dream.

The couple have created a stylish restaurant that serves beautiful seafood in odd but inviting combos and is an eco-haven.

The wines are organic or biodynamic (me neither), the fish is sustainably sourced and has done as few food miles as possible and even the cooking oil is recycled into biodiesel.

But don’t think that sustainability comes before flavour. It is impossible to choose from the adventurous menu. Unusual sides like purple carrot, polenta chips, pickled radish and cauliflower mash accompany an array of fresh fish. On the daily specials was New Zealand Ling Fillet with banana chilli, snapper mousse and sweet potato gallette ($30), which married intense, dreamy flavours with expert seasoning expertly. The similarly outlandish Tas Huon Salmon Fillet with seared scallops, target beetroot and orange salsa and horseradish and mint mascarpone ($31) worked equally well.

Puddings are also a must.

580 Darling Street, Rozelle, Sydney 02 9818 7777 www.lovefish.com.au

By Jim Palmer

Jackson’s On George 176 George Street $1 Pool

Palings

Level 1, Ivy 330 George Street $5 Happy Hour 5.30pm

The Beresford 354 Bourke St Surry Hills Summer Movie Nights $4.50 Schooners & House Wine

Tuesday

Bungalow 8 3 Lime Street King St Wharf Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday $10 meals The Spice Cellar 58 Martin Place Tues - Thurs 4pmmidnight Tapas

The Orient 89 George Street $10 burgers all day

The Palace Hotel 730-742 George St $10 Meal Deals Daily

Wednesday

Thursday

Balcone At The Junction Women’s Wednesdays from 7.30 pm Coogee Bay 253 Coogee Bay Rd Ping Pong Comp in the garden $10 entry inc a schooner of blonde The Rook Level 7 56-58 York Street cocktails & lobster

Bat & Ball 495 Cleveland St, Surry Hills $12 Steak and Jugs of Coopers

Manly Wharf East Esplanade $16 Steak or Salmon with free local beer or house wine

The Forresters 336 Riley Street Surry Hills $10 Beer & Cider Jugs

Friday The Rook Level 7 56-58 York Street Cool new Sydney rooftop hang out on a Friday after work.

El Loco 64 Foveaux Street, Surry Hills $5 Tacos every day

Saturday

The Porterhouse 233 Riley Street Surry Hills Breakfast 10am-4pm

The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee $10 Buckets

Slip In 111 Sussex Street Friday half price drinks from 5pm-7pm

The Spice Cellar 58 Martin Place DJ Degustation (book before)

Sunday The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee Rooftop Sounds, Live Entertainment from 4pm $15 Meals

The Beresford 354 Bourke St Surry Hills Courtyard BBQ $25

The Abercrombie 100 Broadway, $10 Deep House Sunday session Paddington Market 395 Oxford Street, Paddington Market from 10am

The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday

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SYDNEY

Why Dee Why?

Those who take the word of their guidebook as gospel will reach Manly and then resign themselves to a day of battling crowds, those in the know (that’s you lucky people) should opt to venture just 10 minutes up the road to Dee Why. Here you can enjoy all the delights on offer, which range from 1.2km stretch of sandy beach overlooking the Tasman Sea, a sheltered lagoon, great picnic areas, fantastic restaurants and some of the coolest bars on the north shore.

What to do…

If you are looking to enjoy some beach time and don’t fancy shoehorning yourself in between crowds of families and backpackers then Dee Why Beach or Long Reef Beach are great alternatives. Long Reef is located at the north end of Dee Why Beach and is mostly frequented by locals in the know, which means that it is often nice and quiet.

Towards the north end of the beach you will find enormous sand dunes which separate the beach from Dee Why Lagoon. This nature reserve is a lovely place to enjoy a picnic away from the blustery winds and if there are any closet “twitchers” (bird watchers to the uninitiated) amongst you, you will be delighted to catch sight of rare birds just hanging out, doing their thing amid picturesque surroundings.

If you are a keen surfer Dee Why Point in particular is a very popular spot. If you prefer to spectate, this is as good a place as any to check out the waveriding prowess of the surfers.

Dee Why Promenade was completely relandscaped a few years ago and now there is lots of green space to enjoy a picnic or to use the bbq’s to prepare your own meat feast. As an added bonus – there is free Wi-Fi available all along the beachfront – now that’s the future!

If you enjoy a coastal walk then the stroll to Long Reef and back is about a one hour round trip and is a good way to blow away those cobwebs. If you feel particularly energetic, keep going all the way up to Long Reef Headland where you will be rewarded with beautiful views of the coastline back towards Dee Why.

Where to eat and drink…

Although many only tear themselves away from the beach long enough to snaffle a portion of fish and chips, if you fancy something more civilised The Strand Strip, running parallel with the beach, is bustling with dining and drinking options.

Girdler’s Grind is a must-do for all you coffeeobsessives out there. They also serve up healthy dishes, fresh juices and slightly more naughty treats that you can enjoy in this chilled out and idyllic setting right opposite the beach.

Bacino Bar is another popular option for an injection of caffeine. The owners of this Italian coffee bar have strived to demonstrate their heritage in not just the lovingly-made coffee but also in the delectable Italian snacks.

Sea Change Café is a hugely popular Dee Why hangout and their breakfasts are particularly special. We recommend sampling the simple yet scrumptious Dee Why Sunrise – a feast of crispy bacon, poached eggs and their homemade hollandaise. You can expect to dine amongst the North Shores beautiful folk to a soundtrack of Bob Marley and other reggae legends pouring out of the speakers. Sea Change is open for breakfast, lunch and dinner and due to popular demand, they have just announced they are bringing back their paella nights – form an orderly queue people!

If you fancy sampling some modern Australian fare, then you should swing by Sandbar Café. The lunch and dinner menus are wonderfully complimented by a carefully selected wine list and the views across to the beach make it one of the best spots on the Dee Why Strand.

If you are on the hunt for something slightly more raucous then you should swing by the Dee Why

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Hotel. The doors have only just been reopened after a three-year extensive renovation by the architects responsible for CBD favourites Establishment and Hugo’s. The lively bar has a fantastic, good value for money brasserie menu and is a brilliant place to catch live music performances by some of Sydney’s best live musicians.

Another great place for a drink over some delicious food is Deck Bar, which offers two levels of alfresco dining and live music. We highly recommend checking out the “Chef Travels” menu – the man in charge of the kitchen has recently returned from a two year sojourn around Asia and is keen to demonstrate his learnings with tasty treats like Thai fishcakes, Cambodian fish amok and Vietnamese spring rolls.

One thing’s for sure; the staff at Stella Blu take their cocktail making seriously. Sample the Lychee Martini, the Platinum Blonde or the suggestively named Mrs Robinson and relax in the stylish surroundings of the sleek, softly lit lounge that stays open into the small hours.

Where to stay…

If you want budget accommodation and don’t fancy crashing in Manly then you could try out Sydney Beachouse YHA in nearby Collaroy. A dorm here will set you back around $27 a night or book a twin room for around $72. The hostel has its own pool and roof terrace where you can catch some rays away from the beach.

If the idea of sharing a dorm makes you shudder then there are a range of reasonably priced motel, B&B and “aparthotel” options including Manly Beachside Apartments on Pittwater Road, which will cost you around $200 per night and Manly Oceanside on Pacific Street which will cost around $150 per night.

By Amy Baker

MELBOURNE

The Perfect Date in Melbourne Yes Valentines Day can be boring, clichéd, predictable and lets face it bloody expensive, but we all know when in a relationship its presence is unavoidable and it must be acknowledged to some degree. Here at BBM we appreciate all this, so we have come up with some ideas for a romantic Valentine’s Day activities with a difference. Your other half should be suitably surprised as they prepare for the standard February 14th treatment, and you’ll get yourself ahead of the game with our suggestions.

Great Ocean Road Surf Tours

you have slipped into central Morocco on a weekday evening. For a laid back BYO meal this place is perfect, as you don’t even have to worry about what to order - it’s all set out for you.

183 St Georges Rd, Fitzroy North 03 94824240 www.moroccansoupbar.mobi

Their all-inclusive, eco friendly, hassle free tours are the best way to learn or improve your surfing skills and all you will need to worry about is your new obsession with surfing!

1800787353 www.gorsurftours.com.au

Yarra Valley Wine Tours

Great Ocean Road Surf Tours are an award winning learn to surf company based in Australia’s surf capital of Torquay, Victoria and offering programs to suit all ages and abilities along one of the World’s most famous stretches of scenic coastline.

Moroccan Soup Kitchen BYO

This place gets busy so just be patient when waiting for a table. The food is unbelievable if you are a fan of Middle Eastern cuisine and the experience you have here allows you to feel like

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Why not pamper yourselves with a tour of one of Australia’s most celebrated wine regions. With doorto-door service provided, you can experience the best food and wine the region has to offer for $105 per person.

17 Hightech Place, Lilydale, Yarra Valley 1300 496766 yarravalleywinerytours.com.au

Melbourne Laneway Tours

Melbourne Laneway Tours is a fantastic way to see the city and be shown around by a friendly, knowledgeable local with plenty of stories to tell. Sample the atmosphere in Melbourne’s glorious underbelly and admire the street art and galleries exploring the cities rich and diverse culture. For $49 per person you and your date can explore this diverse city together.

MELTours GPO Box 2248, Melbourne 0407 380969 www.meltours.com.au

Breakfast at Tiffany’s At The Moonlight Cinema

In a park bathed in moonlight, watching Breakfast At Tiffany’s on Valentine’s Day…could it get anymore romantic? We don’t think

so. Starring a young Audrey Hepburn, this timeless classic by director Blake Edwards is perhaps the greatest of all romantic comedies, but with only one showing this Valentine’s Day you better book fast! Adult tickets available at $18.

Royal Botanic Gardens/Birdwood Avenue, Melbourne 03 9073308 www.moonlight.com.au

By Harry Dillon

MELBOURNE

Seafood in Melbourne...

There are many benefits about indulging in Australia’s massive coastal lines, and aside from the surf, bikini-clad girls and sunshine, there’s also the chance to treat yourself in the freshest seafood. Melbourne boasts some of the finest seafood eateries in Australia, from exquisite $150 platters, to the more humble fish and chips, BBM dives in to see what’s about.

The Atlantic

Inspired by the Oyster Bar in New York’s Grand Central Station, The Atlantic uses a selection of wild and sustainable fish with the exciting restaurant menu created by head chef Donovan Cooke. The Oyster Bar is separate from the Restaurant area and serves fresh oysters from Australia’s prime growing regions.

Fresh oysters are priced at $4 each with a half dozen costing £21.

Crown Entertainment Complex, 8 Whiteman Street Southbank, Melbourne 03 9698 8888 www.theatlantic.com.au

Claypots

A St Kilda institution in the truest sense of the word, Claypots is adored by locals and tourists alike for its fresh produce, exciting take on recipes and kooky interior. With a cosy bar area serving some wicked German beer and regular live music this place isn’t

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just a restaurant, it’s a night out!

213 Barkly Street St Kilda, Melbourne VIC 3182 03 95341282 www.facebook.com/Claypots

Richmond Seafood Tavern

Established in 2004 by Danny Cecchi this place is for the seafood and wine aficionados amongst you. All fish is from the daily catch and filleted by expert in-house seafood chefs, the shellfish is sourced from around the country and the popular crayfish is cooked daily.

5 Rae Street, North Fitzroy, Melbourne 03 9489 1974 www.richseatav.com.au

Hooked

Despite also serving tacos and burgers Hooked is very much a restaurant based on fresh, affordable and healthy seafood with a loyal fanbase among the local Fitzroy and

Windsor communities. The fish and chips are affordable and extremely tasty. Hand cut, crisp and golden the humble chip has reinvented itself at Hooked and received plenty of plaudits along with the fairly priced grilled or battered ‘house fish’ only setting you back 12 bucks.

384 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, Melbourne / 172 Chapel Street, Windsor, Melbourne 03 9417 7740 / 03 9529 1075 www.hooked.net.au

Red Mullet Fishcaf

Quick, easy and affordable you can even get it delivered to your door.

Catering for vegetarians and offering gluten free alternatives this is a great way to experience fresh seafood on the go. The salt and pepper squid is a Fishcaf trademark at just $16.

210 Glenferrie Road, Malvern, Melbourne 03 9500 09338 www.redmullet.com.au

Cerberus Beach House

Located on the beach at Black Rock’s Half Moon Bay, where the ghostly skeleton of Australia’s first ironclad warship HMVS Cerberus sunk in 1926, Cerberus Beach House was set up in 2009 and has been delighting beach goers ever since. Fresh daily catch grilled or battered for your enjoyment in the surrounds of one of Melbourne’s most secluded beaches.

Boat Shed 212, Half Moon Bay, Off Beach Road, Black Rock, Melbourne 03 9533 4028 www.cerberusbeachhouse.com.au

By Harry Dillon

Bimbo Deluxe 376 Brunswick St Fitzroy $4 Pizzas 12-4pm every weekday.

Pellegrini’s 66 Bourke St Melbourne The finest Italian in town

Tuesday Duke of Kent 293 La Trobe Street Burger and pot $15

Corner Hotel 301 High St Northcote All day $5 glasses of wine

Ruby Tuesdays

$10 Pasta & Wine 217 Chapel St, Prahan

Pugg Mahones

106-112 Hardware Street Melbourne Mad Mondays $5

drink specials + $12 for 2 Jaeger or AGWA bombs

The Carlton 193 Bourke Street, $14 Steak Dinner Porterhouse w crinkle cut chips

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Bridie O’Reileys

Workshop 1/413 Elizabeth Street Melbourne $8 Shepherds Pie

La Di Da Monday-Thursday lunch & dinner $10.00 all Pizzas $12.50 Chicken Parmas $15.00 250 gram Sirloin Steaks $15.00 Burgers your choice Beef/ Chicken/Vegetable

29 Sydney Rd, Brunswick $6 Pizzas & $6 Pints

New Guernica $2 pots Thursday 10pm- 12am, $4 vodka soda 1am 5am, $6 spirits all night

Turf Bar 131 Queen Street, Quiz Night, 6.30pm $4 Pots & $7 Pints

Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central/211 La Trobe Street $18 (1) $32 (2) Game of Bowling Friday and Saturdays 4pmClose

Saturday

Sunday

Robert Burns Hotel 376 Smith Street, Collingwood Huevos Rotos St Kilda Beach $15.90 Baked eggs House with green asparagus, 109 Barkly Street confit mushroom St Kilda Karaoke and truffle oil Competition - $300 in prizes for 1st, 2nd, 3rd

Ding Dong Lounge Level 1 18 Market Lane Chinatown Midnight Run Discotheque

St Kilda Beach

House 109 Barkly Street St Kilda Rooftop Party for Bar Etiquette guests and locals 5- 9pm any day of the – Free entry for week - $2.50 for a pot, in house guests $5 for a pint and $10 – $5 Draught – for a jug of Coopers $5 Vodkas – $5 lager, Melbourne Bulmers - Open ranga red ale (a local brew) or Gypsy Pear until 3am Cider.

Lucky Coq Free BBQ, koppaberg cider $10 per pint All week $4 hotdogs and $4 pizza

Elephant & Wheelbarrow Bourke St Melbourne’s only Sunday Carvery

The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday

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MELBOURNE

Brighton Beach

apparel company and community sports space all in News flash - when visiting Melbourne Where to explore… one. Get active and pop along to the complimentary You could easily spend a whole day strolling there are other places to stay apart pilates classes at the Lululemon on Church Street around the area, sipping on delicious coffee, dining from St Kilda! Now, we know that this on delectable sweet treats and people watching, in Brighton. Classes for you and your friends are complimentary with mats provided. but if you want to be more focused with your time snippet of information may be you should visit the following main streets.

Middle Brighton Baths are a historic landmark and hard to process but please trust us - just a great place to have a paddle in their popular Church Street is a popular area with people who down the road lies Brighton Beach seabaths. Every Sunday you can enjoy live music enjoy putting their credit cards to the test! The and beautiful views from 3-6pm in the restaurant street is lined with boutiques, high-end fashion a slightly more fancy suburb which brands and establishments where you can pay to deck bar. is well-worth a stop-over or at the very beautify yourself. Bay Street is another well-liked hangout where the usual brands are interspersed Where to eat and drink… least, a day-trip. with cool cafes, great dining and stylish bars. Martin Street is home to some great delicatessens and contemporary retailers and The Esplanade is where you will find much of the area’s accommodation.

Brighton Beach is home to Melbourne’s it-crowd. For example, Eric Bana (AKA The Hulk) and Aussie Shane Warne What to do… mentioned above, a trip to Brighton Beach would set up shop here. It also offers a great As not be complete without getting the obligatory snap opportunity to experience some of posing in front of the famous beach huts. Although the appeal of them will no doubt wear off in half Melbourne’s best beaches, cafes an hour or so, you can then switch your attentions and restaurants that will make to the beautiful surroundings. Dendy Street Beach is one of Melbourne’s best – clear blue waters, foodies heads spin in delight and beautiful yellow sand and great views of the city that’s before we even mention the skyline make it a great place to kick back and enjoy the laid-back atmosphere of this beach-side shopping that will delight even the suburb. most elusive fashionistas.

If you crave something a little more active then pay a visit to Beach Road Cycles (228 The Esplanade), hire yourself some wheels and hit the Beach Road cycling route or off-road on Bay Trail where you can also enjoy a walk if cycling just isn’t for you. If you are feeling extra adventurous, want to save money and feel the sea breeze as you explore Melbourne, this bike route takes you from Brighton Beach along the wonderful sites into St Kilda. This route is flat and takes around 30 minutes, but allows you to see the bay at your own pace, and this trail is accessible for all standards of cyclists. From St Kilda it is around the same distance to the CBD. The suburb is also a popular kite-surfing spot, so if you have the energy (and the upper body strength) you can book yourself in for a class – although we recommend booking in advance.

Brighton may not be the most inexpensive of suburbs; however, BBM Magazine knows how to find free fun and activities wherever you may be.

Lululemon Athletica is a yoga-inspired athletic

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There are so many options to choose from when you’re on the lookout for an expertly crafted flat white, baked delight, sharing platter or lovingly made cocktail that it would be impossible to list them all here. However, here are some of the highlights…

Half Moon is the perfect place to enjoy some fine dining (we recommend the two-tier seafood platter), drinking and socialising. The extensive wine list is one of Melbourne’s best and the bar serves up craft beers from all around the world. It’s worth mentioning that the beer garden is ranked one of the best beer gardens in Melbourne, so it is surely worth seeing if you agree over a pint or two.

Australian’s are the purveyors of world-class breakfast feasts and fine coffee and North Point Café, right opposite the beach and Café Florentine on Church Street are places to put this theory to the test. Both serve monstrous breakfasts and delectable blends. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, particularly for the people of Brighton Beach. If you enjoy a breakfast with a tasty twist, head to another great spot which is The Pantry, also on Church Street which is part-deli, part restaurant serving breakfast, lunch and dinner and excellent take-away food.

When it comes to places to enjoy a tipple, Mother’s Milk on Bay Street is a cosy spot complete with comfy leather couches, a blazing fire and great drinks menu. Nearby, Pera is a chilled-out jazz bar with a live pianist and a well-rounded wine list.

Finally, The Deck Bar, also on Bay Street serves food throughout the day and is a great place for a lively drink any night of the week.

Liven up your eclectic palettes during your time in Brighton Beach with the exciting array of Asian cuisine. Brighton’s most popular Thai restaurant is Thai Saffron on Church Street which has been

around for the long haul and attracts people from all over Melbourne. This place has an electric atmosphere and won’t break the bank.

A perfect end to a perfect day in Brighton could be at the Palace Cinema which has discounted tickets on Tuesdays and shows all of the latest releases for your viewing pleasure.

Where to sleep…

Although you are spoilt for choice when it comes to accommodation options in nearby St Kilda, if you don’t mind spending a little more and want to crash in Brighton you should check out Quest Brighton on the Bay on The Esplanade. Slap bang in the middle of the action, right across the road from the Middle Brighton Baths, Pier and Royal Brighton Yacht Club, the hotel offers rooms ranging from attic rooms to studio apartments and will set you back at least $160 per night.

The slightly more pricey, Brighton Savoy Hotel is another good option located directly opposite the famous beach huts. There are two types of room to choose from - standard rooms or something more swanky if you want to splurge on enjoying some luxury. The hotel boasts spa and sauna facilities, free wi-fi and the hugely popular Sea View Restaurant and Bar which is open seven days a week.

If you are planning on staying here for a minimum of three nights, look no further than Caroline Serviced Apartments. These apartments are luxurious, well looked after and have all the modern amenities.

With a private balcony, kitchenette, Foxtel, complimentary Wi-Fi and a welcoming bottle of wine on arrival, these places are a winner. Throughout April and May you can stay here for just $127 per night!

Brighton is loved by most who visit this exclusive suburb and so after a few nights you may wish to look further into getting your own place for an extended period of time. If you are looking for somewhere to call home for more than a few nights then Brighton Beach is surprisingly not too costly in terms of rental prices. House shares are very popular in the Brighton and St Kilda area and rooms are easily rentable for about $150-$200 per person, per week.

If you are looking for your own place with a partner or friends, it is obviously cheaper to rent with a larger group rather than a solo rental. With most you have to pay four weeks bond on the accommodation on average. Rent varies from $400 a week for a one bedroom apartment which is ideal for couples.

Larger properties range from $500 for two bedroom apartments which are often unfurnished and above.

Transport

Brighton is easily accessible as it is serviced along the route from Brighton Beach to North Brighton, Middle Brighton and Gardenvale on the Sandringham line as you head through Windsor and Richmond into the CBD on the train. This will not take you any longer than 30 minutes and is a direct route, making it a lot easier than the tram route which is not direct.

You can also head to Melbourne’s CBD via a simple bus route. The popular 216 and 219 run along the route from Brighton beach to the CBD, as does the Bay Trail off-road bicycle path if you want to see Melbourne on two wheels.

Quick facts:

Brighton Beach is located an easily travelable 11km out of Melbourne CBD (from Flinders Street) on the Sandringham train line.

The suburb was named after Brighton – the seaside town on the UK’s south coast.

On Dendy Street Beach, just south of Middle Brighton, you will find the 82 iconic Aussie beach huts, which are one of the major tourist photo opportunities in Melbourne.

These huts, which were built in the 1940s, are each painted with their own unique design ranging from Australian flags and boxing kangaroos to waves and hibiscus flowers.

The starting price for one of these huts is $200,000 – which goes someway in demonstrating the affluence (and disposable income) of the area.

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TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

Adventure Travel In Australia There is an adventure within all of us, and Australia seems to bring this adventurous side out to play.

Perhaps it is because of the beautiful surrounding oceans, crazy outback scenes of wilderness or the largest array of adventure travel possibilities a country could possibly provide. Whatever the reason, make sure you make use of this whilst you are here in this remarkable country. Whether it is white water rafting that tickles your fancy, jumping 14,000 ft out of a tiny plane, or kite surfing the waves, Australia harbours an abundance of adventure.

Penrith White Water Rafting

At BBM, we love adventure travel that is unique, exhilarating and most of all, out on the water. Penrith White Water Stadium was the competition venue for the canoeing and kayaking slalom events throughout the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games. It is easy to forget when you arrive here that you are only an hour west of Sydney, located at the opening of the beautiful Blue Mountains.

This is a unique experience due to the fact it is the only man made river of its kind in the Southern Hemisphere!

The white water course has been constructed using a combination of both natural and man-made materials to recreate the characteristics of a wild river.

Who could say no to a day on a wild water adventure where 14,000 litres per second of raging white water flowing over a moveable obstacle system lies ahead? With the use of both natural and man-made material, this seems like the craziest ride in NSW! Available from September to June, they offer white water rafting, kayaking, swift water rescue training and host local, national and international slalom competitions. www.penrithwhitewater.com.au

Ministry Of Paintball

Team work makes the dream work. Although, this doesn’t seem to always be the case where paintballs are involved and when it’s just too much fun to shoot at anything that moves! The Ministry of Paintball is all over Australia and has some great promotions available at the moment such as 100 balls free when you buy 100 balls. If there is a big group of you wanting to celebrate a birthday, an engagement or a Tuesday, the Ministry is guaranteed laughs. www.ministryofpaintball.com/australia

Heliadventures

Gold Coast Fishing Charters

Got a penchant for catching your very own monsters of the deep? Why not embark on a day’s deep sea fishing off the Gold Coast and see if you can land Mahi Mahi, Wahoo, Tuna, Snapper. For $90 per person you’ll spend five hours out on the reef and you can either release your catches, cook them. If you choose to keep your catch of the day, you’ll get it bled, gutted, iced down and bagged. The boats at Gold Coast Fishing Charters take up to 12 people and depart three times a day. If there’s a big group of you, then you can even hire the whole boat for $1020 on Saturdays. Monday to Friday you can get the boat for a discounted rate of $960. Remember to take the camera, or no one will believe you how big it was! www.bksfishing.com.au

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If you want to experience a city from a completely different angle, there is no better way than to escape the hustle and bustle and do it from the skies in a super smooth helicopter. See Melbourne the way that James Bond would see Melbourne and take a tour with Heliadventures without breaking the bank. Fly across Melbourne Bay, or perhaps take to the Great Ocean Road- you will never forget an adventure like this. There is also the crazy option of flying one yourself. www.heliadventures.com

Cape York 4WD Adventure Tour

Head to the far north of Queensland for a unique experience on four sturdy wheels, across the shores of the east coast of Australia. Once on Cape York itself, you will have the amazing ability to watch the sun rise and set across the water reflecting up into the sky all in the same day.

Be surrounded by nature and awakened by the sounds of Kookaburras in the morning as you begin to understand the vast beauty of the outback. This 4WD adventure is a very unique experience, which is not for the faint hearted. www.adventure-tours-australia.com/cape-york

The Rock Tour Northern Territory

Begin your tour at Kings Canyon, go swimming in tropical watering holes and cook dinner with the rest of your camp at Curtin Springs whilst chilling out under the stars. Day two you will venture to Kata Tjuta, meaning ‘many heads’. You will get the chance to try to real ‘bush tucker’ and you’ll then get the chance to witness the Uluru change colour as the sun sets.

Visit Mutijulu Waterhole, luscious woodlands and you’ll witness some Aboriginal cave paintings. On your way back to Alice Springs where dinner and a couple of beers awaits you, you will even have the option of going on a camel ride. This three-day / two-night tour departs daily at 6am from Alice Springs or Ayers Rock Airport, depending on your pick-up preference. The tour company supply: All meals as stated, air-conditioned 21 seat bus, a tour guide, swags and camping equipment. www.therocktour.com.au

Sunshine Coast Sky Divers

Take to the skies of the Sunshine Coast for the highest jump you can do without oxygen. With breath-taking views of the coastline as you free fall from the plane, in tandem with an instructor, make sure you keep those eyes open to take in every last moment. It isn’t every day you get to jump out of a plane, but the Sunshine coast is the perfect opportunity to do so as you encounter the scenic flight where you’ll enjoy the magnificent aerial views - stunning scenery from Noosa to Brisbane including Moreton & Stradbroke Islands against the spectacular backdrop of the Glasshouse Mountains. www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au

Sky Dive The Beach

Sydney is the place to be if you want to fall from the stars. Howl as you drop through the sky on the nights around the full moon each month. Check out the twinkling lights of Wollongong as you experience this once in a lifetime moment. Whilst mates are tucked up in bed, you can take the thrill to the next level. www.skydivethebeach.com.au

Extreme Adventure Gone Wrong...

Get drunk and head to Broome Crocodile Park. This is what a crazy drunk guy did back in 2010. From there he proceeded to climb the fence into the crocodile enclosure and attempt to ride an 820 kg crocodile named Fatso sounds like a cunning plan no? Obviously highly intoxicated and unaware (or just absolutely insane) of the dangers, this bloke is extremely lucky to have made it back to the bar where he conjured up this extremely ridiculous plan. With critical injuries to his leg, it seemed the cold blooded critter had not enough of the strength needed to kill the man before allowing him do a ‘back door boogie’ out of the enclosure. Lesson here people - don’t get drunk and think Crocodiles are your friends, they’re big, they’re scary and they will eventually eat you.

For more information on adventure tours make sure you check out our things to do sections on www.bbmlive.com

By Frankie Salt

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TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

The Seven Wonders of Brisbane

Brisbane is Australia’s third largest city and a mustdo stop off on any tour of Australia’s east coast. With its beautiful tropical climate and its fabulous location on the banks of the Brisbane River, it’s only right that you get the sights out of the way before you can retire to the bars and clubs that have encouraged locals to name their beloved city after Las Vegas – hot bed of hedonism! Here is a run-down of some the city’s best attractions…

Visit the Southbank

A trip to Brisbane isn’t complete without taking some time out to explore the Southbank Parklands on the curve of the Brisbane River. Temperatures can go through the roof in Queensland and as you have to drive a fair distance to get to the nearest beach, you will be delighted that there is an option to cool off with a refreshing dip in their man-made lagoon. This a great place to hang out on the fake beach whilst enjoying views of the city skyline.

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As well as the pool, the Parklands are home to riverside cycling tracks and walking paths that weave their way through lush tropical rainforest walkways. If you keep those eyes peeled you may just catch a glimpse of some of the friendly locals – lizards, possums, the positively Jurassic looking ibis bird and of course, the inevitable array of creepy crawlies. In addition to all of the activities that you can enjoy on the Southbank, there is a huge range of places to grab a drink, a snack or enjoy a spot of shopping.

Visit ‘The Valley’

Right, you’ve worked up a thirst and now it’s time to get serious about your evening entertainment.

The best spot is Fortitude Valley – a whole kilometre stretch dedicated entirely to pubs, clubs and live music venues. Whether you want to raise a glass in an Irish Bar or dance the night away to some electronica, there is a venue to suit you.

BRISBANE Australia Zoo

When asked to list your favourite ever Australians – ok scratch that – human beings, many will list the late great Steve Irwin! The guy was a legend and his insanity when dealing with colossal, highly volatile reptiles earnt him a place in our hearts and the hearts of people the world over. That my friends is why Australia Zoo is one of Queensland and Australia’s most popular tourist attractions. The zoo is located a short drive out of Brisbane, but should you be car-less, there are regular bus pick-ups across the city on a daily basis.

The zoo is home to a huge amount of wildlife including tigers, snakes, dingoes, echidnas, red pandas, Tasmanian Devils – the list goes on. Team that with humorous touches of Irwin’s personality dotted all over, enthralling live animal shows (or should we say opportunities to watch trained professionals piss off gigantic, prehistoric death machines) and the chance to have your photo snapped with the animal of your choice and

you have the ingredients necessary for a fun and memorable day out. When it comes to photo ops there are the tame (lame) options like cuddling a koala and hugging a chubby wombat and then the slightly more frightening choices which involve trying to plaster a convincing smile on your face while you snuggle up to a cheetah, a tiger or alarmingly – a Komodo Dragon! No thanks – we saw ‘Skyfall’ and they did not appear friendly!

XXXX Brewery Tour

A trip to Queensland wouldn’t be complete without sampling their beloved “Gold” – the most widely available beer in the state. Everyone enjoys a brewery tour – especially on a hot day when you can escape the sunshine and be treated to the few free samples, which are inevitably included in the asking price. XXXX is an Australian icon – established way back in 1879 – only 30 or so years after the city began its life as a penal colony.

Shopping

Brisbane is a shopaholic’s idea of heaven. Mooch your way around modern shopping centres, boutiques and weekly flea markets. Queen’s Street Mall is where you should begin your shopping pilgrimage – this spot gets somewhere close to

26 million visitors each year and is home to local, national and international labels. Even those who hate trawling the shops will be pleasantly surprised at the surroundings of the heritage listed arcades and there are some great spots conveniently positioned for when it becomes necessary to refuel.

Queensland is known for its agriculture and if you want to snap up some fresh produce and marvel at the sheer size of some of the locally grown fruit and vegetables - visit Jan Powers Markets or the Nundah Fresh Farmers Market.

Theme Parks

Something unusual…

If you fancy seeing a different side of the state capital why not join an unusual tour or two. There are nightly Ghost Tours involving haunted, lanternled hikes through the CBD and regaled tales of urban legend, tragedy, torture, crime and murder.

If ghost stories aren’t for you, take it down a notch (but only slightly) at the museum of the Queensland Police, which involves 25 grizzly displays of notorious crimes and the investigative techniques employed to solve them. There is even a simulated murder perfect for those CSI fanatics!

With all this excitement, you will no doubt need to relive yourself at some stage and rather than nonchalantly heading to the nearest Starbucks, pay a visit to the ‘Loo with a View’ at the Regatta Hotel which affords patrons fantastic views of the city.

Quick Facts About Brisbane...

Queensland is the theme park capital of Australia and along one glorious, fun-filled strip of motorway you will find a cluster of parks presenting you with plentiful opportunity to be scared witless. Visit Shamu’s homies at Sea World or try your luck at something more white-knuckle at Dreamworld where you can while away the day getting that blood pumping on ominous sounding rides including The Giant Drop, The Claw and The Tower of Terror.

Warner Bros Movie World and Wet n’ Wild Water World are other fun options.

Brisbane is Queensland’s capital city Brisbane has a population of 1.8 million, making it the third largest city in Australia.

Brisbane has more sunny days than Florida, and warmer winters than in the Bahamas.

Brisbane was originally inhabited by Jagera and Turrbal Aboriginal clans.

Brisbane became a European settlement after surveyor General John Oxley received a tipoff from some ex-convicts about the Brisbane River.

The Brisbane River is named after a former Governor of New South Wales, Sir Thomas Brisbane.

The city of Brisbane is more also known as “Bris-Vegas” due to its cosmopolitan lifestyle.

The indigenous name for Brisbane is “Mian-Jin” meaning “Place shaped as a spike”.

Brisbane’s premier shopping destination, the Queen Street Mall was built to deliver the ultimate shopping experience. This mall extends approximately 500m and has more than 700 retailers over 40,000sqm of retail space which houses six major shopping centres.

By Amy Baker

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GLOBAL WATCH

ALTERNATIVE TRAVEL DESTINATIONS GULLFOSS FALLS

BORNHOLM Denmark

An island situated in the Baltic Sea, hop on a ferry and go and explore Bornholm for the day or a weekend.

You can travel around the island by bus, but make sure you know when your last ferry back is, as you don’t want to get caught short. Take in the varying geography, from its seascapes to the Almindingen forest in the centre and the Dueodde beaches in the southeast of the island.

Iceland

Laden with truly amazing natural sights to take in, Iceland not only boasts the Northern lights and geysers spouting from the ground, but the Gullfoss Falls present a visual spectacular where gallons of water thunders past icicle laden cliffs.

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE U.S.A

The city of Nashville is a hidden gem, and perfect for all music lovers. Walking down the main strip, Broadway, you feel like you’re in a film. With everyone stomping around in cowboy boots, it’s hard to believe the style hasn’t gone out of fashion. It’s a small town where anything could happen like even seeing a woman play the spoons!

TIBURON ISLAND Mexico

It’s not easy to get to, but there are few places like the Tiburon Islands on Earth. The Gulf of California meets the Sonoran Desert here, created a haunting scape before you.

Two permits are currently required for day hiking and overnight stays on the uninhabited island: one from the Seri Governor’s office in Punta Chueca and another from the ISLAS office in Bahia de Kino.

CAPURGANA Colombia

This area is often written off as too dangerous to visit due to the narco-traffickers, however it is now a lot safer to visit this beatiful natural destination. With the Caribbean sea lapping its shores, Capurgana offers fantastic diving, and stunning tropical vistas.

CERRO CORA NATIONAL PARK Paraguay

One of the least travelled destinations of South America, with a lack of tourism, prepare to go it alone hiking and see if you can spot a jaguar or two.

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TRANS SIBERIA RAILWAY Russia

Make your way across Siberia from Moscow to Beijing via the longest railway in the world. Beginning in Moscow, you will travel through the mighty Ural Mountains, visit the icy city of Irkutsk, and take in the beauty of Lake Baikal. Your next stop is Mongolia’s Ulan-Bator before crossing over into China, finishing your journey in Beijing.

MACAU China

The Historic Centre of Macau, designated a UNESCO World Heritage site, is a living reflection of Macau’s unique history, where churches, temples and a host of period buildings help paint an evocative picture of the region’s Sino-Portuguese heritage. The iconic Ruins of St. Paul’s take pride of place in the Historic Centre of Macau. The imposing façade and grand staircase is all that remains of the old Church of Mater Dei.

VIENG XAI CAVES Laos

Vieng Xai offers an insight into the Communist past of Laos. These caves were home to the leaders of the Communist led revolution during their struggle against the French Colonial regime and later the American intrusion. The Vieng Xai caves worked as a great hideout due to their inaccessability and natural protections from bombing. The caves were used up until the 1980s.

HIGHLANDS Papua New Guinea

First explored in the 1930s by Missionaries, observe the densley populated Highlands of Papua New Ginea, where tribes still exist, and live out traditional values and practices.

ARNHEM LAND Australia

NGORONGORO CRATER

Situated in the Northern Territory, this is a highly protected Aboriginal area which requires a permit to visit. Due to its traditional Aboriginal culture and untouched nature, this is a truly stunning location to visit.

Tanzania

Delve down into the crator and witness the stunning wildlife of Africa. Untouched from human development, this is one of the most natural habitats on earth, where exotic game life thrives.

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GLOBAL TRAVEL

Ibiza Hot Spots

Ibiza In 2013

If you’re planning on popping back to Europe when the temperatures begin to dip in Australia, then you best get ready to organise your never ending summer.

Best Beaches

Benirras Beach is the famous old hippy beach with beautiful sunset (on Sunday’s with drums) Cala d’en Serra is an idyllic beach slightly off the beaten track where you’ll find Remy’s Beach Bar. Sa Caleta is where you’ll find traditional a Ibicenco lunch place in Red Rock Bay. Cala Vedella is where you’ll find a lovely sandy beach and a diving school if you fancy getting face to face with the marine life.

Head to Ibiza for a long weekend or a full ten days this summer for one of the best parties on earth.

With clubs such as Space, DC10, Ushuaia and Bora Bora Beach you’ll no doubt have the time of your life when you visit the White Isle.

Ibiza has long been the go to place for all your Dance music needs since the 1970s and continues to be the leading European party destination to visit from April til October. With the World’s best DJs, Artists and Producers touching down each week throughout the summer to bring revelers unforgettable moments.

What you can’t forget whilst visiting Ibiza, is not only is it one of the world’s number one clubbing destinations, but it is also one of the most beautiful Balearic Islands.

If you want to explore the island during the day, then head out to Ibiza Town, which is just a short taxi ride away. If you’ve got some cash to splash then you can peruse the boutiques. Looking to add some cultural type shots to even out the drunken partying ones, then promenade through the cobbled streets of Ibiza Town where you are lead to Baluarte de Santa Lucía. Here, the most breathtaking views of the neighbouring resort of Talamanca can be seen, as well as the port at the base of the rolling landscape.

Stop off for some traditional Spanish paella for a day of relaxation and recuperation.

Once you’ve had a day exploring, or perhaps soaking up the sun on the beach, embrace the evening as the sun sets whilst you sip on cocktails at Café Mambo.

As the waves lap the shore, and the sky is aflame, bathing everything in a seductive warm glow listen to amazing acts as they get you hyped for an all night party.

If you’re looking for buzzing nightlife near the best clubs then stay in San Antonio. By day it is not too busy as most people head to the beaches to chill out and recover. Go for a short walk from the centre of town and you’ll find a few quieter beaches and cafes, which are also great if you want to dabble in some water sports by day. If you’re looking for somewhere

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to relax on a Sunday then head to Reggae beach, which is home to a Jamaican bar that serves a fantastic BBQ on a Sunday.

Ibiza doesn’t have to be a week of hangovers and never ending drinking, there is another side of natural beauty, spiritualism and quiet. Perhaps you want to combine the two, and have five days of reaching for the lazers before five days of reaching for the yoga mat. There are plenty of yoga retreats around Ibiza for all standards of yoga learning. Sleep under the stars in the pagodas of www.yogaibiza.com, with a fantastic London and Ibiza based company who retreat to Sant Joan De Labritja for the full Ibiza season. They have great rates for anything from a two day to a seven day retreat where you are fed delicious vegetarian food on a half board basis, within walking distance to the beautiful unspoilt Benirras Beach. See the alternative side of Ibiza that is often overlooked by the appeal of the clubs and the crazy nightlife to the majority of Ibiza goers. After a solid session in the clubs, a relaxing session of yoga will leave you feeling stretched, toned and looking glowing, and revitalised. Remember, yoga isn’t just for the ladies.

Ibiza can be very expensive, so it might be an idea to start saving up now for the summer, however Awaken Ibiza are now offering their tours starting at five days in June for just £149.99. (Rates vary depending on when you book) Awaken Ibiza packages include: five days/ four nights accommodation, entrance to three huge superclubs such as Amnesia, Es Paradis, Ibiza Rocks and Space, the Awaken Ibiza Boat Party, pool parties and discounts across the island.

More information on this can be found at www. awakenibiza.com.

Either way, if you do decide to head to Ibiza in the summer make sure you check www.bbmlive.com for all the best parties and events happening across the island. You will be playing your favourite tracks of the summer in your head, all the way through the seasons to the next time you land into Ibiza!

By Lance Weeber

Play Niu Blau is the perfect spot for a lazy picnic or chill out day. With a flat stretch of sand and calm waters you can even just visit for a quick dip in the sea.

Best Restaurants

Les Terrasses presents a French cuisine lead haven up in the mountains, where you can really relax and get into the holiday groove.

Bambuddha is perfect if fancy some light Oriental food, with a side of music and fantastic atmosphere whilst on the island.

Los Pasajeros is where you’ll find traditional Spanish dishes at great prices. It’s always bustling, and very popular with the seasonal workers.

La Paloma café is where you’ll find yourself in a luscious candlelit garden in the small village of San Lorenzo. Here you can experience freshly prepared food hailing from the Mediterranean, North Africa and the Middle East.

Best Bars

Café Mambo’s one of the most famous bars on the island, so don’t miss the sunset here.

Café Del Mar is one of the most legendary spots on the island and has been open since 1980s, so make sure this is on your check list.

Savannah Beach Club offers fine dining and amazing views from day to night.

La Bodega is a bar, pavement café, lounge and restaurant all rolled into one, and is a good place to get into the island vibe with a few beers or glasses of wine and some tapas.

Aura Cocktail Lounge is a unique restaurant bar and lounge and is famous for its cocktails, atmosphere, and their weekly parties.

Travel Essentials...

Each month, we bring you the best in travel essentials that we’ve tried and tested. From gadgets to cosmetics here’s the best products we’ve found this month!

Jabra SOLEMATE

Fancy a big sound wherever you go? The Jabra SOLEMATE is the perfect Bluetooth speaker whilst your travelling, chilling on the beach or having a few friends over.

Despite the creepy/hilarious voice that tells you when the speaker is connected, the Jabra SOLEMATE connects to any device that can play music - either corded or wirelessly – using Bluetooth technology, a 3.5mm audio cable or USB cable, and caters to all types of uses, indoors or outdoors. Whether connected to a mobile phone, tablet, iPad, iPod, mp3 Player or laptop, the SOLEMATE is the perfect audio companion to play music clearly and loudly. With strong, deep bass from an integrated subwoofer the Jabra really does bring the bass to the party. It’s a little heavy so you might want to keep it in your hand luggage when travelling, but if you want big sounds it’s a definite yes to this excellent piece of equipment. $227 available from www.amazon.com.au

Douvall’s Organic Argan Oil Moisturiser

Argan Oil is one of the world’s most natural beauty sources; used for hundreds of years, the nut oil is native to Morocco, where the women swear by the miracle oil to treat the body from top to toe. So if you’re looking to pack less cosmetics then a bottle of this stuff will do everything from moisturise your skin, help any blemishes, treat excema and it’s great on split ends if you’ve been spending a bit too much time in the sun and in and out of the water. It’s light and one spritz goes far. Now available in a 15 ml bottle of £18, it’s a great all in one product to travel with. $18 available from www.douvalls.com

OverBoard Waterproof Camera Case

The Waterproof camera cases from OverBoard are essential for the adventurous traveller. The cases allow users to take photographs underwater while snorkeling or out in the rain. The cases provide 100% protection against water, sand, dust and mud, and are made from flexible and transparent TPU material, which will float to the surface should you drop your camera in the pool or sea. $22 for standard case, $30 for zoom lens (pictured) available from www.overboard.com

Comvita Skincare Travel Pack Collection Incredisocks

Flight socks a bit too tight and uncomfortable? Incredisocks are nice and snuggly and keep your circulation going!

Incredisocks offer extreme comfort with a 200 thread count and their thermoregulating features provide the required increase/decrease in temperature in as little as 5 minutes. The unique 3-D weave design provides incredible cushioning and keeps your feet absolutely dry. $19.60 available from www.incrediweardirect.co.uk

If you’re on a long haul flight and want to stay fresh, then this range from Comvita will see to it that you remain hydrated and cleansed.

This skincare set comes in a handy canvas Comvita make-up bag and contains four convenient travel-size products. The Skincare Collection for normal to dry skin includes: Gentle Smoothing Cleanser 30ml Replenishing Night Moisturiser, 15ml Intensive Hydrating Mask, and 15ml Nourishing Hand and Nail Cream 30ml The Mask is excellent and goes on clear, so you don’t need to worry about people seeing you have it on, if you fancy a bit of replenishment whilst on a flight, and the night moisturizes really does help you wake up feeling refreshed and firm and youthful skin. $24 available from www.comvita.co.uk

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WHAT’S TRENDING

Black and White 2013 is in full swing, and with it comes a brand new colour palette.

Explosions of black and white are popping up everywhere, and to add a little burst of colour, yellow accents compliment a monochrome outfit perfectly. Fancy keeping things a little more muted, work calm grey tones into your outfit for a casual, yet sophisticated look.

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1.Bleach print t-shirt, $24 from www.asos.com 2.Baseball print shirt, $37 from www.asos.com 3.Cut And Sew Polo, $24 from www.asos.com 4.Amarelo Citrico Havaianas, $33 from www.havaianas.com 5.Yellow watch, $30 from www.menkind.co.uk 6.Grey denim shorts, $45 from www.topman.com 7. K-Swiss Preppy Adcourt 72’s from $90 www.kswiss.com 8. Jeepers Peepers Kent glasses, $24 from www.jeeperspeepers.co.uk

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4.

For her...

1.Pencil skirt in Diamond Print, $53 from www.asos.com 2.Bold striped short, $45 from www.asos.com 3. Block stripe crop t-shirt, $22 from www.asos.com 4. Scarf print shirt dress, $60 from www.asos.com 5.Davington satchel, $60 from www.stormwatches.com 6.Frontcover Cosmetics Black Kohl Eye Pencil with smudger to give you an easy smokey eye look, $6 from www.frontcovercosmetics.com 7.Superga yellow plimsolls, $60 from www.surfdome.com 8.Stargazer yellow eyeshade, $4.50 from www.stargazer-products.com 9.Stargazer yellow nail polish, $3.80 from www.stargazer-products.com 10.Lemon Sorbet wide enamel bracelet, $15 from www.whatsabouttown.com 11. Moto letter print shorts, $48 from www.topshop.com

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INTERVIEWS

Ross Noble Ross Noble is comedy nobility. For the past 21 years, he has been one of our leading stand-ups. Over that time, he has proved himself a comic tour de force. He has been responsible for 13 sell-out tours and seven top-selling DVDs, and came 10th in Channel 4’s 2010 poll of 100 Greatest Stand-Ups. But he is not just popular in the UK. Ross has also undertaken six smash-hit Australian tours and performed everywhere from Singapore and Hong Kong to Montréal and Budapest. At the age of just 36, he is already a stand-up legend.

The tremendous news is that Ross will be touching down in Australia in March and April for a massive tour. The Geordie stand-up, who is known as “the king of improvisational comedy,” is coming to a theatre near you with an entirely new show, ‘Mindblender.’ One word of warning, however: book early – tickets for Ross’ shows always fly off the shelves.

What distinguishes his comedy is his completely unique and vivid imagination. He possesses a peerless gift for wonderfully funny and innovative streams of consciousness. This highly original talent means that no two Ross Noble shows are ever the same.

Ross and I are talking in a central London bar in the lead up to the tour. You will be very glad to hear that he is as naturally hilarious in person as he is in a theatre.

The shaggy-haired, Newcastle comedian, who has also made memorable appearances on such TV programmes as ‘Have I Got News For You’, ‘QI’ and ‘That Sunday Night Show’, begins by revealing that he has just had a year off. During that time, he indulged his passion for riding dirt bikes by taking part in an extreme off-road race in Transylvania (I kid you not!)

Ross laughs that, “I had been gigging solidly for 21 years, so I thought, ‘I’ll take this year off. I won’t tour, but I’ll spend the time doing normal things like an off-road motorbike race through Dracula’s home state!’”

The comedian admits that at first he was nervous about returning to the live arena after his year away.

“I began performing again in Australia earlier this year. When I started, I was thinking, ‘Do you have to be match fit like a boxer? What if I’ve forgotten how to do it?’

“But the moment I walked on stage and the light hit me, it came flooding back. It was like getting back into a warm bath. The fact that I have not been so caught up in stand-up means that I’m now in my

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best form for years. The break has given me a new hunger. I have recharged my mental batteries and come back with fresh energy. Having the year off has made me appreciate how much I’d love standup. Going back to it has just been such fun.”

Ross’ shows have a rare energy because he is such a dazzling improviser. The comic, who recently made his debut as a leading actor in a feature film, a horror movie entitled ‘Stitches’, explains that, “What a lot of comedians will do is write a load of jokes, see which ones work and then hone them.

“But I simply go on and improvise stuff. That might spark the seed of the next idea, and that in turn might spark the seed of the next idea. I’m so keen to explore new ideas that I don’t keep the original idea.

My show is a constant work in progress. I’m not working towards something. It’s continually fluid.”

Isn’t that approach incredibly scary, though? “No,” Ross replies. “The best way to describe it is to say it is like driving a car. When they first start driving, most people are nervous. They have to look at the gear stick and don’t know which pedal is which.

But once they get to the point where they can drive without thinking, that’s when they can go much faster and really start to fly.

“Stand-up is exactly the same. Playing a rough club is like driving in heavy traffic – you’re constantly negotiating obstacles. If you skid off the road, you just deal with it. Yes, you might drive up a cul-desac, but then you can show off, do a handbrake turn and get back on the road!”

Ross, whose latest stand-up DVD will be released later this year, never plans much before going on stage. He says, “That gets in the way. The way I do things is easier, because it allows me to play.

If you get too caught up in the mechanics of what you’re doing or over-think it, that takes away from enjoying it. When reviewers say that I just talk very amusing nonsense, I see that as the biggest compliment because you can’t make an audience laugh for two hours unless it’s funny. If it looks easy, then job done!”

The comedian, an electric live presence who can spin a whole show out of the hairdo of someone sitting in the front row, will never tire of the experience of making an audience laugh.

He says that, “You know when you’re having a drink with a few mates in the pub and you say something funny and everyone laughs and says, ‘That was a good one!’ Making an audience laugh is like that, but multiplied by two thousand.”

Ross continues that, “What I really love is creating images in people’s minds. It’s like reading a book – everyone sees it differently in their own head. I get a real buzz off that. When you’re creating something in front of people, there is a real sense of joy as you can see them picturing the story in their head.

It becomes something more than a joke. I love that shared experience when everyone has an image in their mind of what’s going on.”

There is no comedian currently at work who is better at involving the audience in the show. Ross, who has a huge and devoted fan base that follows him around the country, concludes that he really relishes that side of the job.

“Bouncing off the audience is the most amazing sensation. Sometimes you can see that people who haven’t been to my show before are freaking out when I start talking to the audience. They’re worried because a lot of comedians rip audience members to pieces for other people’s entertainment.

“But I don’t do that. I just want to get them involved. I don’t pick on anyone or make anyone feel excluded. My audience gets me. They realise there’s no malice in it. That allows me to go a lot further because people aren’t terrified. I want to say to the people who are coming to my show, ‘Don’t worry, it’s all going to be fine.’ That should be the title of the tour!”

Visit www.bbmlive.com to see Ross Noble’s full tour dates.

By James Rampton courtesy of comedychords.com

Coasts

UK band Coasts are creating a buzz after their debut single ‘Oceans’ was posted on youtube in January and BBC Radio One DJ Zane Lowe featured the single on the show’s ‘next hype’. We caught up with lead singer Chris to find out more about the Bristolbased five-piece and what we can expect from them this year.

Hi Chris how’s it going?

Hi not bad thanks, cold!

Could you talk us through the formation of the band?

We’ve been in various bands before, but as Coasts since around 2011. I did bits and bobs before, but this is the first project that really stuck. We all went to University in Bath and that’s where we all met. I’m from Bristol, but the guys are from all over, Lincoln, Essex, all over the place.

Where are you currently based then Chris?

Mainly Bristol but a lot of the guys went back home for Christmas, we are all going to meet back up in Bristol before the tour and start rehearsing.

How is 2013 treating you so far?

Yeah pretty well in terms of releasing the video for ‘Oceans’ and stuff that seems to have gone really well. I didn’t really know what to expect after the release of the video, but we’ve had some good reviews on blogs, it’s all been kind of bizarre.

The video looks really polished and manages to capture the mood of the song. Where was the video filmed and who directed it?

It was filmed just outside Bath and the beach scenes were filmed in a place called Burnham-On-Sea, the locations were awesome. Our mate Duncan Roe from uni is basically our director now, just a good mate we met at uni.

There seems to be a heavy beach theme running throughout your work so far, from band name and single title, to the label you are signed to. Is this intentional?

Not particularly, it’s probably a subconscious thing more than anything, we are all generally drawn to that lifestyle and regularly find ourselves going to the beach. Our drummer and bassist surfs a lot, so maybe it’s just ingrained.

Would you say you are all from similar musical backgrounds and could you tell us about your musical influences and what made you want to start making your own music?

We are all into loads of different things, our drummer Ben is really into Dance and House and stuff. Influences are just so varied man, personally I’m a big fan of The Police.

No not at all we’re really looking forward to it man!

There’s loads of places we haven’t played before, our last tour was just before summer and it feels like a while since we’ve been out there. Should be fun!

What are you listening to at the moment?

I got Tame Impala’s ‘Lonerism’ I think that’s an incredible album and I’m looking forward to Foals new album. I’ve got this blog I go on called ‘Awesome Tapes’ with loads of African music and it’s been really interesting hearing new sounds from different cultures.

Where are you most looking forward to playing?

We decided Doncaster, as we actually have quite a few fans up there. And I’m looking forward to Bristol obviously and also playing the Camden Barfly.

Could you expand on your song writing process?

I write the lyrics and our guitarist mainly writes most of the music but we all come together with ideas, so it’s a group effort in some ways.

How has your debut single ‘Oceans’ been received?

It’s been mainly positive, obviously you’re never gonna get 100% positive reviews and stuff, but it’s been better than I had anticipated. It’s gone really well, NME featured the song which was a nice bit of exposure, but even more interesting is blogs seem to have picked up on it loads and given good reviews.

When is ‘Oceans’ officially released?

You can get it on pre-order on iTunes but it isn’t released officially until February 25th. It will come out before the release of our EP ‘Paradise’.

Would you say ‘Oceans’ is a fair reflection on how ‘Paradise’ is going to sound?

I guess so yeah, the songs are in the same vein, it will be interesting to compare the reaction to ‘Oceans’ and the next single release.

How many tracks are going to appear on the EP? There’s four tracks.

You’re touring the UK in February and March, how are you preparing for it? Are you nervous?

For a music fan that has yet to hear Coasts describe your sound in three words?

Brooding Party Pop. And finally Chris what do you hope to have achieved as a group by the end of 2013?

Just to tour as much as we can and hopefully get out of this country and get to tour in Europe which would be awesome. Looking to the future we just want to keep on writing and hopefully release an album, we’re all just really excited.

Coasts’ ‘Oceans’ will be released on 25th February, and will be followed immediately by their debut EP ‘Paradise’. Having released ‘Stay’ and ‘Lions’ in 2012 as free downloads, Coasts have already been compared to the likes of Two Door Cinema Club and Friendly Fires. With their sun-drenched tropical Indie Pop vibe, ‘Paradise’ is set to be a welcome addition to your playlist this February.

By Harry Dillon

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INTERVIEWS

Nathan Fake

Norfolk’s Nathan Fake has had us hooked with his innovative and instantly identifiable sound since his first release in 2003. He continues to develop some of the most original Techno tracks to date and has successfully taken them all over the world. We caught up with him before he heads to Australia to find out why he thinks his first hit ‘Outhouse’ is still so hugely popular after ten years, and what festivals he thinks are a must!

I read you’re originally from Norfolk, do you think that had an influence on your musical taste growing up?

Norfolk is a nice place, but culturally it’s quite barren. The music comes more from me than from Norfolk.

You’ve got the Rainbow Serpent Festival at the end of January, then you’re playing at The Causeway in Perth, and Chinese Laundry at the beginning of February. What are you most looking forward to? Have you played out there much before?

Yeah, I’ve been to Australia a couple of times. I’ve never done that festival before, I’m looking forward to it because it’s out in the middle of nowhere in the countryside. I’m excited about seeing that part of Australia as I’ve only really been to the cities before, so it’ll be good to get some really crazy stories!

When we first head ‘The Sky Was Pink’ back in the day, it was a real turning point for hearing Electronic music, nothing really sounded like that then. What was your inspiration for that tune and what do you think it was about it that made it a success?

At the time there were a lot of big classic hits in music that made it, but I didn’t really think much of them. It was just a track I made at home, just messing about in my bedroom. The version that is most popular is James Holden’s remix, he was like the original. So it was just a bit of fun really, we put it out as a single and it became a massive hit. We

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were totally shocked by the amount and diversity of people that were in to it. Tom York from Radiohead said it was the best record ever!

What did you first think when you heard the Holden remix? Has it only done positive things for you as an artist?

I knew it was a good remix, I just never expected it to be as big as it was and still be, almost ten years later. You just never know, things you think will be big hits aren’t always big. It’s just weird… you can’t really plan it.

Who do you think your first influence was to that got you into Techno music?

The first band I properly got really into was Orbital.

That was the music that made me want to start writing. At that time I didn’t really listen to much else. I had two or three years listening to nothing but Orbital. I definitely say they’re a major influence, and Aphex Twin. It was really melodic and quite raw so I guess that kind of comes through in my music. I’m not saying my music sounds an awful lot like these people but it’s the quite dark and raw melodies - that’s where I get that side of my music from.

Do you ever get people still asking you to play ‘Outhouse’?

Yeah totally! It differs in different parts of the world.

In the UK I don’t get it so much, I think people want more of my new stuff. I like playing it, but I’ll play it and change the track up a bit. I would never make

a track that really sounds like that anymore, so it’s quite fun to redo in my current way.

What is your biggest pet hate?

I find it funny when people miss pronounce my name! In Europe a lot of people say Nath-han!

Is there a festival you’d say is a huge highlight that people don’t really know about?

There’s a festival I’ve played in Japan, it’s called Tokyo Club Festival. It’s in the middle of nowhere up in the mountains. It’s really small, green and totally magical. There’s also MUTEK festival in Montreal, Canada. It’s one of the coolest festivals I’ve ever been to.

You had your album out last year. Did it do as well as you’d hoped?

It’s definitely my best work to date. The stuff I want to do now is even better so I’m more excited about that to be honest. People have been really positive about it so I’m happy with it.

What else have you got coming up this year?

Just touring at the moment. After Australia I’m going around Europe. In terms of music I’m just working on new stuff. I haven’t really planned an album yet but I’ll plan another one eventually.

Nathan Fake Tour Dates: Friday 1st February - The Causeway, Perth Saturday 2nd February - Chinese Laundry, Sydney

By Rachel Pottle & Frankie Salt

Noir

Noir is the man who needs no introduction if you enjoy the 4/4 beat that captivates so many of us today.

Completely infatuated with Electronic music since the young age of six, Rene, better known as Noir heard Kraftwerk when most of us were learning our ABC’s and was blown away.

BBM’s Frankie Salt catches up with Noir over a year on since their first meeting, ahead of his Defected compilation release to see if 2012 was as big as it sounded.

Hello Rene, how are you? Good to speak to you again. How has the beginning of 2013 been for you so far?

out tracks, I didn’t want to focus on big names as a way of selling the compilation. Defected gave me the freedom and I feel that this reflects.

Hello Frankie, everything is very good thanks! It is so cold in Denmark, it’s snowing outside. The labels are doing really, the compilation looks to do well too.

I’m fully booked until the end of July so things are looking promising.

How did you get involved with Defected?

What can we Compilation?

expect

from

the

Defected

It’s released on January 28th and I hope it is going to do well. A lot of the tracks are out there but the majority are tracks which I feel have been overlooked and a couple of older tracks from say five, six years ago, so it is good to bring them back.

Hopefully there will be some new sounds for people to fall in love with. I didn’t want to be too ahead of time and play what I predict to be big this summer; I just wanted to show the quality of the highest standard of recent tracks.

What does a track need to do to gain the green light from you?

I have chosen tracks which give a unique feel in the clubs and they have all been tried and tested by me in different venues and have all created very special moments of sweat on the walls and emotion with the crowds. I know that each track holds different memories for listeners. They’re all stand

Actually we go way back. In the beginning when I became comfortable with my music in 2005, one of the first people I contacted was Simon Dunmore at Defected with my track ‘All About House Music’.

People at this time were accusing Junior Jack of not being creative enough and I felt that there were a lot of different opinions from DJs also on the use of samples. I wrote about this and about the rise of people wanting to DJ and I got a Danish rapper to speak the lyrics, but Simon said that there were too many vocals going on and so I stripped it down. In the end I didn’t go with Defected but then one year later I said hello to Simon at a Defected party and then I got deeper into my music and as Defected went more commercial through the hard times but then also found their own sound again. In 2011, they wanted ‘Around’ and I was highly protective of this track that was on my label. A lot of discussion and time went by and they persuaded me to allow them to work with the track and we just clicked from there.

What direction do you see the Deep House sound evolving?

In 2012, Deep House made a cross over into different genres. Cross Town Rebels, Hot Creations,

Noir Music and Defected got airplay on regular radio stations and I believe this was the peak. I’m not sure you will hear more of this sound in 2013.

This sound of 2012 is dying out now and people did get bored of the vocals and melodies. The big DJs now are playing more stripped back House with less melodies and vocals. Underground gets commercial and so the underground moves on.

The 90s House sound is still heavily influencing the sounds at the moment and I think in the summer this will explode but it won’t last a lot longer.

Yes I agree, and also the Tech House beat becoming more influential again. What were your first influences, which drew you so intensely to the music industry?

It was Kraftwerk when I was six or seven and my friend’s big brother was heavily influenced by these sounds back then. He would make mix tapes for us, and so at this young age I listened to early Hip Hop, Kraftwerk and Afrika Bambaataa. In 1988 I got into the Acid sounds from the US to the UK and this then influenced me too - Inner City’s track ‘Big Fun’ really got me hooked. It portrays exactly what music was back then.

Check out this months BBMLive.com Dance Music Podcast featuring Noir, Nathan Fake, D Ramirez and Penguin Prison. www.bbmlive.com

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MUSIC NEWS

In Focus...

Believe In Noir Wave

Top 10 Sites for...

Mixes, Radio & Podcasts 1.NTS Radio - Various Presenters

Packed with podcasts from some of the world’s most interesting young DJ’s and producers including Bullion and Thristian (Boiler room: see link below) this site has something for everyone. www.ntslive.co.uk

2.Gilles Peterson Worldwide

Seasoned pro Gilles Peterson never fails to create a slice of the most exciting music. From Bass-music to Cuban grooves, Brazilian beats to Berlin Techno: he does it all. Expect interviews with the world’s great and wonderful, to Live shows at his London studio and hour long mixes. www.gillespetersonworldwide.com With a sell out London show followed by a residency at BBC 1xtra, Singer/producer Petite Noir is creating a big impression with his heavily atmospheric mix of synth, drum, guitar and vocals. He produces tracks as lead singer of Cape Town’s Popskarr and has also been working with Spoek Mathambo, one of last year’s most celebrated artists.

Going solo this year, he looks like he won’t have a second spare!

Born to Angolan/Congolese parents in Belgium then re-locating to South Africa, Yannick Ilunga’s background is as colourful and exciting as his style of dress. His tracks convey this fusion in the music creating a sound of maturity and experience far beyond his 22yrs.

The track ‘Disappear’, that has caught our attention, barrages the listener with sounds reminiscent of Joy Division and Roy Orbison, if they had been put in a blender with Bloc Party. There is a multi-layered Pop/guitar mix in the tracks that leave the listener in his world of stirring rhythms and melancholic tuning.

Yannick Ilunga’s skillful production paired with his Pop-crooning evokes a moody midnight ambience. His stage presence is sombre as he almost hums lilting bassy vocals, telling stories of past relationships and lost love. The elements are balanced grit with Pop and surging riffs, smooth timing, which is a satisfying sound - yet not predictable.

Petite Noir has recently signed to Domino Records’ sister label Double Six. He is planning to move back to London following his highly anticipated European tour, to continue recording solo and colabritively.

‘Disappear’ will be out digitally mid February. Also look out for the driving pace of ‘Till we ghosts’ and ‘Pressure’.

Songkick The app that makes your gigging that whole lot easier!

If you’re fed up of your inbox filling up with tons of newsletters from various venues hoping your favourite artist will be playing some time soon, then Songkick is the app for you.

BBM tried and tested, you can sign up to Songkick via your phone or online. It works by indexing many different ticket vendors, venue websites, and local newspapers to create the most comprehensive database of upcoming concerts happening around the world.

From huge venues to local bars, Songkick has it all.

You track all the artists you want to see live, and you receive a personalised concert alert when they announce a tour date in your city. If you’re lazy like us and have tons of bands you want to see live, you can track artists in bulk with our iTunes application, Last.fm import, or by importing your Facebook likes. Now you don’t have to miss a single moment in your gigging schedule.

For more info log on to www.songkick.com

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3.Solid Steel Presented by Coldcut’s Dekay

With an archive of 20 years of material from the radioshow Solid Steel has been one of the legendary spots to watch and listen to since the early 90s. Settling with the phrase “Broadest beats,” as the show’s philosophy it presents podcasts and visuals from their stage shows and music from around the globe. www.solidsteel.ninjatune.net

4.RA (Resident Advisor)

A real gem for people who have a love of the electronic. Resident Advisor presents RA Exchange (interview podcasts) and RA podcasts all of which are downloadable on iTunes or the RA site for free. www.residentadvisor.net/podcast.aspx

5. Benji B

Benji B has been a dance floor oracle for the past few years laying down the freshest beats from the worlds of R’n’B, D’n’B and Heavy Bass music.

Great live radio show and some soundcloud action: www.mixcloud.com/tag/benji-b Benji B radio show: Radio 6 music

6.WIRE

Band-based podcasts from one of the most reliable bench marks of modern music. thewire.co.uk/audio

7. Boiler Room Tv

The Boiler Room has hit the international scene producing live sessions in London, Berlin and Melbourne to mention a few. It focuses on the original set up; A crowd, a video camera, big sound system and the best DJs. http://boilerroom.tv

8. Red Bull Music Academy

Interviews, radio and videos from the best of the international shows that have been doing a world tour. Newest of the new; this one’s fresh like baby breath! www.rbmaradio.com

9. XLR8R

Music site full of info and free downloadable mp3s of the freshest manmade audio and podcasts. www.xlr8r.com

10.Okay Africa

Giving you the best of African tunes from the traditional to the cutting edge it keeps you up to date with Soundcloud mixes, most of which are downloadable for free. Score! www.Okayafrica.com

By Merlin Ramos

Single Reviews Coasts – Oceans

The fresh-faced charm of Bristolbased Coasts is a startling reminder that Indie music isn’t dying out. Their playful tones and quirky beats reek of British enthusiasm and this latest single, ‘Oceans’ is sure to catapult them into the mainstream.

The glossy notes that punctuate through the pre-song silence are a bright introduction that’s perfectly layered with a gentler version of the tracks chorus. In the short space of time between your first impressions and the verse, (no more than 30 seconds) it’s safe to say you’ll be hooked. As the main rhythm pulses throughout the playful structure, each section gradually builds and builds to a grandiose climax of pure Brit Pop brilliance.

‘Oceans’ is merely a stepping stone that will guide this five-piece on to bigger, better things. What a cracking start to the New Year.

Boy Kid Cloud – Show Me Love

Most of you will already know this song. Maybe not at first, but certainly by the time the chorus swings into view.

If we take a trip down Memory Lane, back to 1993 in fact, you might recall a female singer who went under the name of Robin S. Her little ditty, ‘Show Me Love’ reached number six in the UK chart, and even went to the number one spot in the US Dance chart.

However the disco beats have been stripped away for this much sleeker rework of the track by Boy Kid Cloud, but is that a good thing?

The production is impressive, and the vocals are well executed, however it does feel like a bit of a copout when it comes to song writing. Much like Birdy’s unnecessary version of the magnificent Bon Iver song, ‘Skinny Love’, or more recently, Bastille’s awful remake of, ‘What Would You Do?’ by the one hit wonders City High, Boy Kid Cloud is merely making a name for himself riding on the back of someone else’s success. And what’s worse is that he is bringing back the memories of the 90s…

That said this is simply a sickly sweet homage to what was once a club classic. And if that’s your thing when it comes to music, then you’re gonna’ love it.

Short Stories – On The Way

Being allowed to use The xx’s recording studio must be something

MUSIC NEWS

EP Reviews

of a privilege, and the well-respected producers Koreless and Sampha have been allowed to do exactly that.

Their debut single, ‘On My Way’ is an awkward listen at first with its changing key signatures and unfathomable vocal elements. Yet the more you pick it apart, the more you begin to understand the brilliance that is taking place. The multi-layered instruments, blips and beats all come together to produce an impressive sound like nothing you’ve heard before.

Short Stories are certainly in the same genre category as SBTRKT (Sampha’s vocals can be found on the record) and Jacques Greene (Koreless worked with him on his Concealer EP), yet their sound holds something that is really rare. It is this distinctiveness that has the potential to push these already great producers into a league of their very own. In short, ‘On My Way’ is brilliant.

Justin Timberlake Ft. Jay-Z Suit And Tie

The boy band heartthrob, JT has surprised us all this month by returning to music after a seven-year gap, only this time around he has enlisted the help from his buddy, the unstoppable Jay-Z.

Dawn Richard – Whiteout

Trying to capture the sound of R&B, whilst presenting it with a modern Drum & Bass-esc undertone cannot be an easy thing to do. But as we eagerly await her debut album, Dawn Richard has teased us with an EP that intends to do exactly that.

‘Whiteout’ has a vast sound throughout the six tracks, and features spacious rhythms, deep synth pulses and emotionally driven vocals. The beautiful ballad of, ‘Wynter’ is a stunning song packed full of subtle beats that truly shows off the impressive scale of song writing.

Throughout the EP you’ll hear moments of Dubstep and Break-beat, only to be stunned by a change in pace the next minute with Richard’s soulful voice, being backed by electronic pads and throbbing drums.

It’s an exciting listen from start to finish that will no doubt wet your appetite just enough until the full length comes out.

‘Suit And Tie’ is a fun-loving comeback that you wont be able to avoid for the next month or so. It’s filled with cheeky lyrics and groovy beats that will put a smile on anyone’s face. Jay-Z’s down tempo rap fits in wonderfully and the sleek production sounds immense.

This is probably the hottest song in the world right now; hell it’s even brought back MySpace, but further more than that it proves that Timberlake is still just as fresh as he was all those years.

He has literally brought sexy back.

The Correspondents Well Measured Vice

There’s certainly nothing unique about a band releasing a limited vinyl anymore, but a band letting you own a section of their music video is. Each record sleeve will contain one of the illustrations drawn by frontman Mr. Bruce that was used in the animation that made up the singles music video.

And the best part is that ‘Well Measured Vice’ is an enjoyable listen that provokes similarities to the 2010 Yeasayer track, ‘Rome’. The continuously driving beat pushes the song along nicely and will stick with you throughout the day.

Young Fathers – Tape One

When you think about Edinburgh you get an image of castles, tartan and that ruddy great big festival they have on every year. The last thing that springs to mind is Rap music, and good Rap music at that.

The Scottish trio, Young Fathers originally released their debut, ‘Tape One’ for free back in 2011. But after being snapped up by the US label Anticon, the re-release is giving the group the opportunity to reach a much wider audience.

There’s a whole mixture of influences that can be heard within the eight tracks ranging from early 90s Hip-Hop, to the more unique sounds of bands such as Massive Attack and Aphex Twin. ‘Rumbling’ is a groove filled toetapper that flows along gloriously, whilst the brilliant, much more niche sounds of, ‘Romance’ feels like it belongs on a Dub-reggae compilation.

‘Tape One’ is quite simply a triumph of an EP that should be listened to by everyone. So what are you waiting for?

www.bbmlive.com 37

MUSIC NEWS

Album Reviews surrounding Queer Rap, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Villagers - {AWAYLANDS}

You may remember that in the last issue of BBM Magazine we thoroughly enjoyed listening to the new Villagers single entitled, ‘Nothing Arrived’ and we ended that review with wishful thinking about the group’s forthcoming album {AWAYLANDS}.

Well low-and-behold it has landed on our desk this month. But was it worth the wait?

The record’s opening notes fade in with the blissful sound of vocal harmonies and guitar picking that will force anyone to take note. As Conor O’Brien’s tender lyrics gently trickle from his lips and resonate within your ear, you’ll almost certainly become overwhelm with a sense of weightlessness. His descriptive lyrics flow beautifully and the raw emotion can be felt through the speakers.

Each track is filled with wonderful arrangements of acoustic instruments that have been skillfully blended with elements of the electronic world. The songs are smothered with stunning lyrics that each tell little tales as the songs evolve from one to the next.

‘The Bell’ is a thrilling tune that has a well-crafted, catchy chorus you’ll remember for days, but it’s the final track on the album, ‘Rhythm Composer’ that shows off this band at their best. A striking melody backed by tuneful words, playful horns and spacious echoes, all building to a bizarre and beautiful ending, what’s not to like?

This highly anticipated debut mix tape/album features an impressive collection of producers and guest rappers from Le1f, Gobby and Brenmar, and it’s clear from the off that this is about as raw as it gets. The beats are impeccable, and the production sounds fresh throughout, but it has to be said that there are some questionable aspects about the record.

The intro news report, about mutants taking over, is a little cringey, but it does lead on to one of the best tracks on the album, ‘HazeBoogie’ so we can forgive the tacky start. Unfortunately though, that is not the only sour patch on the album.

The changing of ‘boots’ to ‘blunts’ in, “these boots were made for walking” on ‘Virginia Beach’ is a terrible addition that just sounds childish amongst some of the other more intelligent lyrics. And the last section of the album, which is easily the most bizzare, is filled with skits from Mykki that seem more like drunken ramblings of a mad man/woman, and it’s not a great way to end things, unless you’re after a bit of comedy.

This is surely just the beginning for Mykki Blonco, and already he has made his mark on music. For a debut mix tape, they don’t get much more striking than this. Even with all the gimmicks and skits, you can’t deny that he has developed his own unique sound. It’s going to be very interesting to see what happens from here. It almost feels like anything is possible…

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I Am Kloot have proved once again that their song writing is a much-needed breath of fresh air from a more mature side of the Rock scene that will give any of the younger bands a run for their money.

Their talent once again shines bright on this new album and shows no indication of fading anytime soon.

By Robert Bramhill

Everything Everything – ‘ARC’

The genre-defying Manchester foursome return with their new album ‘ARC’, an electronically entwining piece that neatly sidesteps the traditional difficulties of a sophomoric record to deliver 13 tracks of epic splendor.

Opening track ‘Cough, Cough’ is a polyphonic call to arms, a militaristic stomp on the senses that immediately draws the listener into their bizarre world. Recent single ‘Kemosabe’ continues the rhythmically led tone, Jonathan’s trademark falsetto crowning the aural majesty of a song which is sure to keep arms firmly aloft from the festival faithful come June.

I Am Kloot – Let It All In

It’s hard not to wonder whether-or-not New York’s Mykki Blanco is just an attention-seeking gimmick when you first watch his videos and listen to the outrageous rap songs. Everything just seems a little too fabricated and unnecessary. But as you begin to read more about the cross-dressing rapper and his open-minded approach to art, you begin to realise that there is a whole underground culture

The ten tracks will fill just over half-an-hour of your day, but it’s guaranteed that they will be on repeat from your very first listen. There’s a feeling of Sheffield influence present, rather than Manchester that sounds like the Artic Monkeys have been writing songs with Richard Hawley. Which is never a bad thing.

But with that said, the record does actually have some cracking tracks. ‘Kingpinning’ is an impressive and honest rap, whilst ‘Wavvy’ feels like a cross over between a heavy rhymes and a glossy, well polished pop song.

Villagers have proven once again why they are such a hit with music lovers and critics alike. And to be honest they deserve all the success in the world.

What better way to begin a new chapter of success than with this album.

Mykki Blanco – Cosmic Angel: T he Illuminati Prince/ss

The songs are comforting in the kind of way that reminds you of family outings at the weekend with your dad’s choice of CD running through the stereo as you are driven down country lanes or over damp, misty moors. You probably complain at the time, but later you’ll realise that whist his musical influence may be different to yours, it’s still bloody brilliant.

The last time we saw Manchester three-piece I Am Kloot was in the form of their 2010 Mercury nominated album ‘Sky At Night’. Now the charming Northerners return with their sixth studio record entitled ‘Let It All In’, which has been wonderfully produced by no-other than Craig Potter and Guy Gravey from the mammoth stadium Rock band Elbow.

Each track on this latest release has been delicately stitched together to create what is likely to gain the band more praise from listeners and critics alike, and the Bluesy epic-ness that runs throughout ‘Let It All In’ is another shinning example of how British music holds a unique place within the industry.

‘Torso Of The Week’ is Rock-laden highlight and surely a future single, but it is the Coldplay-esque ‘Duet’ that serves as the stand out track in this reviewer’s eyes.

‘This House Is Dust’ serves as the album’s most emotive ballad leading us purposefully through to final track ‘Don’t Try’, a dance floor worthy, guitar driven Pop hit, channeling essences of early Bloc Party in between atmospheric interludes, before rounding of the album showcasing their celebrated ethereal harmonies in a subtle nod of things to come.

‘ARC’ is a must have and certain to be in the top 10 album lists of 2013. Everything Everything are coming alive…and happening now.

By James Stapleton

FUNNY NEWS Don’t worry Sharon, he probably just realised you were that mad cow who thinks her dead ex is stalking her. Plus you’re as ugly as sin.

Wiki Little Liars

To journalists, Wikipedia is like the untrustworthy secret lover who you just can’t help going back to, always knowing that one day he’ll let you down with his smooth words that seem so believable. And like finding Wikipedia’s little black book, the creators of the site have compiled a list of the lies they have spouted over the years.

Our favourite hoax, for sheer randomness, was a page dedicated to the Reich Corps of the Trombone. The page alleged that, for propaganda purposes, Joseph Goebbels created and organised a group of Nazi trombonists, who – presumably – terrorised the Jewish race with their anti-sematic brass section. Unfortunately it was a load of madeup bollocks.

The Spectre Of An Old Relationship

Wrong again Hollywood! It turns out that when your boyfriend dies, there’s no erotic clay sculpting, Righteous Brothers music and lezzing up with Whoopi Goldberg pretending she’s Patrick Swayze as his spirit helps you solve his murder.

Just ask Sharon Grant, an ugly 44-year old bint who says her ex-husband has been playing havoc with her love life despite the handicap of dying from bronchial pneumonia 13 years ago. And, as anyone who truly loved someone would do, he told her on his deathbed he didn’t want her to find happiness with another man. Now that’s love.

Our least favourite hoax is the “crocodile shears” — a supposed torture device, applied to the penis.

We’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but just pray to God that it doesn’t actually exist. The longest surviving hoax on the site was the listing of Gaius Flavius Antoninus as the assassin of Julius Caesar in 44BC. This “fact” remained online for more than eight years before being taken down.

He’s slightly less offensive to watch than Goebbels, but Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps actor Will Mellor was also a victim of Wiki hoaxers.

His Wiki page detailed a successful (but fictitious), non-league football career, and was even used by the star’s agency site for their biography of him.

Other made-up shit includes: Tillery – a German

The Source Of The Trouble

Much like female circumcision, we’re always hearing about the downsides of outsourcing – but what about its good points?

Well look no further than an American worker known only as Bob, who outsourced his job to China for a fifth of his salary so he could stay at home pissing about on Facebook and playing games all day. Not only did the plan work for several months, he also gained a reputation as one of the best workers at the infrastructure company he was employed by while ‘working’ from home.

Sadly, his near-flawless scheme was rumbled when the company spotted that his account had been accessed by a server in Shenyang, China.

“The company’s IT personnel were sure that the issue had to do with some kind of zero day malware that was able to initiate VPN connections from Bob’s desktop workstation via external proxy and then route that VPN traffic to China, only to be routed back to their concentrator,” said a report into the incident.

“Yes, it is a bit of a convoluted theory, and like most convoluted theories, an incorrect one.”

Supernatural Sharon claims her ex, Sean Eddleston, has pulled the hair of one lover, pinner her to the bed so she couldn’t answer the door to the same fella, and even appeared next to another bloke on the sofa while she was out the room.

“I made a meal and we opened a bottle of wine. It was quite romantic,” she said of one former flame.

“But after eating we settled on the sofa and, as I went to kiss him, there was a crash in the kitchen and I heard footsteps run upstairs.

“The next time my boyfriend came round I was in the kitchen when he ran in and said, ‘Something has ruffled my hair and pulled it!’ After that he refused to come round at night.”

The final straw came when Sharon opened her front door and it was then slammed back in her fella’s face.

A study of Bob’s web history showed his normal day consisted of the following: 9am – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch cat videos; 11.30am – Take lunch; 1pm – eBay time; 2pm – Facebook updates – LinkedIn; 4.30pm – End of day update email to management; 5pm – Go home.

Sharon says: “I had to tell him that it was the ghost of my ex and that it was something he would have to put up with. He went white as a sheet and the relationship ended soon after.”

Inspired by Bob, BBM has started outsourcing our sexual needs to Asia - which basically means we fly to Bangkok every couple of months to bang ladyboys.

No shit. Another bloke bolted when he claimed he saw her ex in the reflection of her TV screen, and Sharon even blamed the abrupt end of a one-night stand on Sean. “I went into the kitchen to get us another drink,” said Sharon. “Suddenly I heard him run out of the front door and down the road. I shouted after him but he looked terrified and kept running.”

rock band who died in a plane crash; Brierfield in Lancashire – an actual mill town in Lancashire that certainly wasn’t the inspiration for Tolkien’s evil land of Mordor; the Bicholim conflict - a 17th century war between Portuguese rulers of Goa and the Maratha Empire; Russell Brand – it still says on Wikipedia that he’s a comedian despite not doing anything funny for years.

Got a funny story or photo?

Share with us on Facebook or Tweet us facebook.com/bbmmagazine twitter.com/bbmmagazine

www.bbmlive.com 39

FUNNY NEWS Going Up Justin Timberlake

We’re so glad Justin has decided to come back to the music scene with new single ‘Suit & Tie’ produced with Timbaland.

Can’t wait for the album.

David Attenborough

His new series ‘Africa’ is just the hyenas bollocks!

Oh and he’s 84 and still making magic! Ma Tigga!

Life’s A Bitch And Then You Die

As regular readers know, BBM is happy to poke fun at pretty much any subject, whether it’s female circumcision, anal fissures, cats in wheelie bins or Jimmy Savile.

But we draw the line when it comes to cute dogs in mourning for their owners, especially a German shepherd in Italy who has been attending mass at the local church every week since his owner Maria Margherita Lochi was buried there.

Gagging For War

Not content with shooting King Harold in the eye in 1066, those foul-smelling Frenchies have invaded Hastings yet again, only this time they’re targeting the nose. Chemical warfare has been unleashed after a stench-cloud of noxious gasses from a factory in northern France crossed the Channel to smother the long-suffering residents of Hastings.

Apparently when the church bells begin to ring, Tommy runs to the service which Maria used to attend before her demise.

“He’s there every time I celebrate mass and is very well behaved – he doesn’t make a sound, I’ve not heard one bark from him in all the time he has been coming in,” explained Father Donato Panna.

East Sussex police sent a message on their Twitter profile for Hastings that there was no need to panic after complaints came in. “The smell in the air today in Hastings is mercaptan it is a non-toxic gas and has originated from Rouen #noneedtopanic,” the force tweeted. Scotland Yard later revealed the smell had spread to south-east London, writing on Twitter: “We are aware of reports of a strong noxious gas like smell in some south-east London boroughs – no risks to public.”

“He used to come to mass with Maria and he was obviously devoted to her.”

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got something in our eye…

The French gas cloud is thought to have dispersed as soon as it reached Arsenal, where it was immediately signed by Arsene Wenger to give his defence some backbone.

Sharks Versus Wales

Drawing on all his experience of wrangling sheep in the majestic valleys of Merthyr Tydfil*, a 62-yearold Welsh holidaymaker wrestled a six-foot shark on the Sunshine Coast to stop it attacking fellow beachgoers last month.

Paul Marshallsea and two other men ran into the water and grabbed the shark in an attempt to get it to swim away.

“The trouble was when we got the shark to just over knee deep it then turned on us and just missed me with a bite which was a fraction away from my leg,” the Welsh granddad said.

“A shark that one minute ago was so docile now just nearly took my leg off in a split second - it was that quick.”

The feat was amazing not just because of the danger element, but because while there are plenty of Scottish, English and Irish immigrants, you never seem to meet any Welshmen in Australia. *Merthyr is one of the biggest shitholes BBM has ever visited. And we’ve lived in Grimsby.

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Mila Kunis

We love Mila ‘cause she’s all fit and nice looking.

Jack Whitehall

With rumous of a film version of Fresh Meat, and his stand up DVD, we’re getting a bit sick of Jack Whitehall.

He’s doing a Ricky Gervais and getting on everything.

Jennifer Aniston

She must be running low on funds, as we’ve spotted her doing rubbish TV adverts in the UK.

Lady Gaga

She’s been wearing weird meat products again, but in the form of some sort of leotard, and having packed on a bit of chub, we’re really not enjoying the view. PETA please intervene.

Katie Price

Yep she’s just got married for a third time to some chav and is back to wearing gross clothes with her gigantic tits spilling out all over the shop. It’s tiresome.

Going Down

SPORTS NEWS ‘If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad’ is about?

Did any of the chemical cocktails he concocted ever have weird side effects, like making his cock grow eight inches?

“Lance Armstrong” always sounded like a made-up moniker to us anyway, like Barack Obama, and now he’s a certified bullshitter surely someone should check his birth certificate (although we’re aware we’re starting to sound like Donald Trump now).

Brains of Barton

Britain’s most-beloved footballer, Joey Barton, endeared himself to fans even further this week when the philosopher-quoting arsehole declared himself “more intelligent than 97 per cent of the British public” on Twitter. Nice one Joey. It’s basically like Stephen Hawking claiming he’s the next Lionel Messi.

During a bizarre Twitter rant in which Barton referenced Darwinism and natural selection – and campaigned for the introduction of ‘breeding licences’ – the former Manchester City and QPR midfielder taunted followers with a variety of inflammatory tweets.

He also suggested the vast majority of Twitter users would be ‘extinct’ if it wasn’t for the welfare state.

“To be fair most of you wouldn’t be around if we lived in an actual Darwinistic society. Your that stupid, you would now be extinct #dullards [sic],” he foamed. “The reason I’m successful is that I work hard. I’m more intelligent than about 97% of the British Isles.

“If anything football has held me back. If I wasn’t a footballer I’d be still more successful than 97% of youse. Still harder working than 97% of youse. Still living life not just taking part. Some of you want to get off you arse’s and take part in life. Before you know it you will be dead and know one will even know u existed… [sic]”

It’s been open-season on the one-ball wonder since his “shocking” revelations that he took drugs during a tour of France (who hasn’t?), with a library in Manly suggesting that they would move his books to the fiction section and various sporting personalities suggesting increasingly harsher penalties for the fallen one. Next week, for example, Serena Williams is expected to call for the death penalty and, after that, Richie Benaud will suggest that Lance be tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth while waiting for a Pulp Fiction-style ass-pounding from a gimp and two rednecks.

“This is too late, probably for most people, and that’s my fault. I view this situation as one big lie that I repeated a lot of times,” Armstrong said.

“I don’t want to accuse anyone else. I’m here to acknowledge my mistakes. I will spend the rest of my life trying to win back trust and apologizing to people.”

Unfortunately, he’s going to have a hard time doing that as a lot of people suspect he was still lying when he spoke to Oprah, not to mention the fact he refuse to name the people who helped him fuck over the rest of his rivals. Good luck anyway Lance, we hope your global

“Whilst, I’m at it. You need a licence to drive a car.

To own a gun. Yet, no licence is needed to have kids? Work that out?” he added, the irony being that Barton’s existence (and his murderer/racist brother) is the best example of why some parents shouldn’t have children.

Liar, Liar, Lance On Fire

Is Lance Armstrong even his real name? Come on Oprah, ask the questions we really wanna hear, like did he use performance-enhancing drugs when he was shagging Sheryl Crow? Is that what the song

“Mac actually put in his letter that he will get us in the Premier League in three years – I thought that was a very positive statement,” said Ryan, which makes us wonder whether we would have got the job if we’d said we could win the Champions League next season.

“My daughter Claire was with me at the time that I got Mac’s letter and my first thought was to give him a ring. I got his dad on the phone and asked if I could speak to Mac with regards to the vacancy at Rovers.

“He came on the phone and I asked him whether he would like to come down for an interview. I invited them both down on Saturday for a look round, meet the players and to give him an interview.”

Despite Mac’s lofty ambitions, and a threat to hold his breath until he passed out, Ryan gave the job to caretaker boss Brian Flynn. Mac got his own back though, by crying and shitting himself in the chairman’s office.

It’s A Twit Of A Mystery

Jug-eared, bra-model banging, shorts-shitting Match of the Day host Gary Lineker has ditched his Twitter account for “personal reasons”, prompting the online rumour mill to upscale to a rumour sweatshop in Cambodia, churning out tonnes of rumours per minute, many of which are poor quality.

Like the one about him being a giant space lizard.

Lineker said goodbye to his 1.3million followers by simply tweeting: “I’m leaving Twitter for personal reasons. Thanks all.” He then shed his skin and caught a fly with his elongated tongue.

Far be it for us to doubt the self-declared IQ of someone who uses the word “youse” in poorly constructed sentences with shocking grammar, but we’ll just take his words with a pinch of salt.

But wait, there’s more. Barton also refocused on his off-the-wall idea for what he called a ‘breeding licence’ that would – we assume – see prospective parents subjected to some kind of mental test before being allowed to have children.

invited him in. It’s got to be better than giving Steve McLaren the job anyway.

Doncaster Kid Around

“You won’t win anything with kids,” once parped grumpy Scotch arsehole Alan Hansen of Manchester United’s title chances back in 1995, only to be left eating humble haggis when even-grumpier Scotch arsehole Sir Alex Ferguson proved him wrong.

Clearly Doncaster Rovers chairman John Ryan’s was inspired by SAF’s pimply-faced, pube-growing title winners of 95-96 and has taken the ‘give youth a chance’ motto to its ultimate conclusion by interviewing an eight-year-old for the manager’s job.

Ryan was so impressed with young Mac Wilson’s application for the vacancy left by Dean Saunders’ departure that he gave the young lad a call and

The married 51-year-old, and rumoured swordsman, has since told The Sun he had to leave the social network behind as it was becoming too time consuming.

“I left Twitter because it tends to take over and I thought I would try life without it. There is absolutely nothing sinister about the decision at all,” he added sinisterly.

Popular theories as to the real reason he’s quit Twitter include: 1) He’s been shagging around; 2) His son’s been embarrassing him; 3) Giant space lizards; 4) He’s been shagging around; 5) Jimmy Savile. Out of those five, we’d say options one and four are most likely.

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SPORTS NEWS “Everyone in the ground expected a free-kick, Eunan’s heard a phantom whistle and he’s picked the ball up. I think the referee had a difficult game, that’s the polite way of putting it.”

Strangely, the SMH didn’t find any references to Del Piero’s goals on the back page of The Sun, or indeed from any other papers outside of Italy, but why let the truth get in the way of a good intro.

It certainly is a polite way of putting it for octopushands O’Kane. Howe’s side had not lost in 15 league games before Saturday’s League One clash and O’Kane’s penalty gaffe did little to help his team’s cause as they went down 3-1 at Banks’s Stadium.

The Elephant Man

“I can only apologise for what happened! Thought I had heard a whistle so was trying to get the ball back to them to speed the game up!” O’Kane later groveled on Twitter.

“He loves keeping in contact with his fans, but he realised recently how much it was eating into the time he spends with his wife Danielle and the kids,” said a source.

It seems holding the heavyweight title may have given poor Junior Dos Santos a big head. Now, following his fight against Cain Velasquez, the former champ has an even bigger head – twice the size actually, and very, very lumpy. The beating he took against Velasquez was one of the most almighty ass-kickings in history, and should put an end to his nonsense about being able to knock out Wladimir Klitschko, and entering into fights with no game plan. Predictably, the excuses about not being mentally ready have come out but he’s such a nice guy we can forgive him for that.

“It’s hard for him to make the most of that time together and to keep up with things on Twitter, so he has decided to remove the distraction. Gary is a real family man, and he is very clear about what his priorities are.”

In fairness, if we were married to Danielle Bux we’d be too busy to bother with Twitter too, as our hands would be full in more ways than one if you know what we mean – wink, wink, nudge, nudge. (We’re talking about her massive tits).

Del Piero Puts Sydney On The Map, In Italy At Least

Far be it for BBM to stereotype our arse-pinching, Cornetto-eating Italian cousins, but it’s safe to say they know a fair bit about football. And pizza. So when they compare the A-League to Serie C (as they have done), they probably have a bella point.

In the A-League’s defence, however, the Italian newspapers have been basing their knowledge of the Australian game on matches involving one-man team Sydney FC, 75 per cent of which have been truly dire.

Handing Victory To Your Rivals

We’re not sure which is more baffling. The footage of Bournemouth midfielder Eunan O’Kane flicking the ball up to his chest and catching it with both hands to give away the most obvious penalty since Dave ‘Chopper’ Harris disemboweled Dieter Scheisskopf with a bayonet during the Christmas ceasefire football match of World War I. Or the fact Bournemouth boss Eddie Howe thought the penalty was a bit harsh.

Apparently O’Kane thought he’d heard the referee’s whistle for a foul outside the box during a League One clash against Walsall, and duly decided to hand the ball back to the opposition. But it turned out to be a fan who’d made the noise and the referee pointed to the spot for a handball.

“It was a free-kick, it should never have been a penalty. You can’t attach any blame to Eunan, he has picked the ball up almost in good faith, really,” blathered Howe.

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But last month, perceptions shifted slightly when Alessandro Del Piero bagged four in a 7-1 demolition of Wellington Phoenix. The Sydney Morning Herald even went as far as to describe them as a the “four strikes heard around the world”, which is obviously a load of bollocks unless by “world” they mean Turin in Italy. ‘’Alessandro has exalted himself and the Sky Blues were flying. Sydney was gifted to a great day to all of the fans with a humiliating 7-1 win against Wellington,’’ the Gazzetta Dello Sport wrote. The Turin-based paper Tuttosport said the Italian star ‘’illuminated the game’’ and described the match as ‘’an historic moment by Alessandro Del Piero’’. ‘’I’m responding to those who lament this Series or that fact that the Australian league seems to be like Serie C. It’s best to see in an inferior class, players who are at a higher level and play because they motivate the younger ones … congratulations to Alessandro Del Piero and Sydney,’’ wrote the Gazzetta dello Sport’s website.

Jimenez Down And Out

The golfing world recently showed the most interest it has in a bone since Tiger Woods’ spree of 2009 with the sad news that Hong Kong Open 2012 winner Miguel Angel Jimenez has broken his leg, which could see him ruled out of the Masters in April. Surprisingly, the oldest tour winner in history didn’t break it slipping in the shower, tripping over a step, or doing any of the other things the elderly usually do, but the tragic event happened during a skiing trip in Spain. His leg was 48-years-old.

By Richard Gadsby & Peter Simpson

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CRYSTAL BALLS

Horoscopes

Sagittarius

You’ve always admired the checkout girl at Coles with the big mole on the side of her cheek. And what better way to tell her how you feel than by reading her a simple poem from the heart on Valentine’s Day. You old romantic. Your poem consists of only two lines: “I’m not put off by your mole, so let me in your hole.” Will it work?

Only time will tell.

Aries

Oi! Stop wanking over porn on your phone while you’re reading this. It’s weird, especially as you’re in a pub.

You always were the filthiest bastard of the horoscope Aries.

Libra

Capricorn

You go to the cinema to watch Life of Pi and completely miss the point.

Instead of feeling spiritually uplifted while questioning philosophy, religion and our place in the universe, you instead start a campaign to make man-eating tigers a requirement for all lifeboats.

Pisces

Sorry Pisces, there’s no way I’m doing your boring-as-shit horoscope while Macgyver’s on. It’s the one where he gets blinded when his boat explodes.

Turns out his new girlfriend is secretly working for the big oil company he’s campaigning against. Excitement she wrote!

Gemini

You and your mate convince a couple of girls to go on a camping trip up the coast. Unfortunately, they both turn out to be quite prudish and you and your friend soon set your sights on a bunch of young ladies on holiday from the Chayste Place finishing school.

The ringleader of the girls is blonde and bouncy Babs, but all of them are supervised by the ever-watchful , and slightly camp, Dr Soaper, who is fervently pursued by his lovelorn colleague, the school’s matron, Hattie Jacques. During an outdoor aerobics session, Babs’ bikini top flies off and hits Soaper in the chest and you give a dirty-old-man style laugh. Oh matron! In the end, some hippies arrive or something and it all goes a bit weird. I can’t remember the rest. I think Terry Scott gets shot in the arse.

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Leo

Good things ahead for you Leo. Your performance in ‘Django Unchained’ was excellent and your performance in ‘The Great Gatsby’ was Oscarworthy. You’ve also started knobbing that hot bird from Neighbours who stars alongside you in forthcoming movie ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’. Well done sir. PS – I loved you in Titanic! ’ is basically just you rocking back and forth in a corner of a bar talking to yourself. Freak.

Cancer

The strange thing about Cancerians is that they share many characteristics with Giraffes - long necks, a predeliction for grazing and a haughty look when you try to shoo them away from eating the leaves on your tallest trees. You also give birth while standing up. And have sex with giraffes. On the plus side, your eyelashes look amazing.

Aquarius

Inspired by the saucy 70s Brit eroticom, ‘Confessions of Window Cleaner’, you buy a sponge, bucket and ladder and set about your new profession. Unfortunately, the film proved somewhat misleading as instead of homes full of randy housewives gagging for it, the nearest sexual action you see is a bored German shepherd licking his own testicles.

A trip to the dentist proves unexpectedly rewarding when they discover the lost Ark of the Covenant hidden in a small gap between your incisor and molars. It is the biggest archaeological discovery of its kind since the remains of Abraham Lincoln were found in the dental cavity of a Connecticut man suffering from gingivitis.

Virgo

Your marital status may change this week, either due to some pre-planned marriage type thing, or possibly just a clerical error on a car insurance quote form. Either way, the name “Jude” will have some significance today and may be the very thing you’ve been yearning for. Oh wait no, we’ve just realised we’re watching the end credits to the remake of Alfie. God that was a shit film.

Taurus

You do a poo that looks exactly like the late Amy Winehouse. Is she trying to contact you from beyond the grave? It’s certainly a possibility, so you decide not to flush the evidence and make your toilet “A shrine to Winehouse”, with Back to Black played on loop and pictures of Amy sellotaped around the rim. For $15, Winehouse fans can come and see your fascinating faeces and, for an extra $5, they can get their photo taken with it. Unfortunately, it’s not quite the money-making venture you’d hoped it would be and you’re evicted by your landlord soon afterwards.

ASK CRYSTAL & JOKES

Ask Crystal

Dear Crystal, I’ve been going out with an Australian girl I met in Sydney for three months and I’m absolutely smitten. I met her in a club one night and we just clicked right away, it’s been a whirlwind romance ever since and every day we seem to fall more and more in love. The problem is I’m a backpacker, and my working visa runs out next month. We always knew this would be a short-term thing, but we didn’t think we would fall in love so quickly. Do you think we could maintain a long-distance relationship? I know it would be very difficult, but I just can’t bear the thought of leaving her forever. Please help.

Yours, Jack Dear Jack, Ah, the course of true love never runs smooth, but in your case I think I may have a solution. The next few times you have sex with her, just pierce the condom with a needle beforehand and dump your load inside her. With a bit of luck she’ll get preggers and that’s when you strike. Tell her you want to be a provider for the rest of her life, then propose. With a bit of luck she’ll accept and, hey presto, suddenly you’ve got yourself an Australian visa. Once that’s sorted, you can always force her to have an abortion or give the baby away. It’s win-win all round.

Dear Crystal, I’ve met a wonderful man in Australia and really want to tell my parents back in England about him, but I’m worried they won’t like him because of the age difference. He’s 35 and I’m 19, but he makes me so happy, I just hope my parents can see through the age thing.

Steve is a wonderful, patient loving guy and he’s so much more mature than men my age. He’s got so much life experience too, and has opened my eyes to so many things - like his white supremacist meetings and rampant homophobia. He’s also keen for me to try swinging with a half-a-dozen of his bikie mates, which worried me at first until he told me that Razor, Knuckles and the rest of the Comancheros gang were all kind and gentle lovers and would treat my teenage body with the respect it deserves.

Do you think I’ll be able to convince my parents Crystal? Any advice at all would be hugely appreciated.

Yours, Tammy Dear Tammy, Sounds like you’ve got yourself a real keeper. If I was you, I’d tell your parents about your new fella before the bikie orgy, and be sure to mention the white supremacy thing too. Something tells me the situation will resolve itself pretty quickly after that.

Dear Crystal, I’ve recently started dating someone, and we’ve already taken things to the next level. The love making is good, but I’m into quite adventurous sex and also have a fascination with reptiles.

Do you think he’ll weird out if I tell him that I’d like my pet tortoise to watch us whilst placed on the bedside table and put my iguana next to us, so I can stroke it whilst getting nailed?

Yours, Janine Dear Janine, Quite frankly, I totally get what you mean about the iguana. The touch of their scaly skin is really quite tantilizing.

So basically if this Norman isn’t into your freaky lizard love, then kick him to the curb. There’s no room in such a fetish fiends’ life for such neglegence to these acute desires.

P.S. Have you experienced the pleasures of a frilly necked lizard on your gizzard? I’d really recommend it with a side of salamander.

Jokes I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

Paul, Kings Cross “Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.

“Piss off!” he replied.

“Suit yourself then,” I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk.

Wayne, Bondi As soon as we finished I felt a rush of guilt and shame. “No-one must ever know about this,” I said.

“But why Daddy?” He asked innocently, “It was fun.”

I gripped him by his shoulders, “A lot of people wouldn’t understand and they’d call Daddy very bad names! You must promise never to tell!”

“OK Daddy,” he said, as tears welled up in his eyes, “I promise. You’re hurting me Daddy.” “Good boy,” I replied, letting him go. “When you get a bit older you’ll realise that there are certain things that dads and little boys shouldn’t do together… And making cupcakes while Mummy is at work is certainly one of them.”

Graham, Wollongong My daughter took it hard when her mother died...

Funerals have always made me horny.

Steve, Brisbane Murphy and Mary decide to try a 69. Murphy’s never tried it before so Mary says she’ll show him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologising, she tries again but farts again. Murphy jumps up and storms out yelling, “you can fuck right off if you

think I’m hanging around for another 67 of them”.

Josh, Paddington If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “thank you” is all that’s required. None of this “How did you get into my house?” business.

James, Darlinghurst Horse meat found in Tesco burgers. Camel toe found in Primark leggings.

Henry, Fremantle “Horse kicks its owner to death after freaking out as they travelled to a show jumping venue “ The incident happened as they drove past Tesco’s.

Tom, Surry Hills

owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus’ owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, “Now if your octopus can play that I’ll give you a hundred dollars.” The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes up and says, “What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!” The octopus says, “Play it? If I can figure out how to get it’s pajama’s off, I’m gonna screw it!”

Frank, Jundaloop

“Excuse me,” I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, “You have some semen on the back of your jacket.”

“I’m sure it’s not semen,” she said, “It’s probably yoghurt.”

“It’s definitely semen,” I said, “I don’t ejaculate yoghurt.” Bert, Coogee “Palestine model shot dead in Israel” I hope it was Wallace, I really like Gromit.

Andy, Fitzroy A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, “I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can’t play.” The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus’

www.bbmlive.com 45

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TRAVEL NEW ZEALAND & FIJI

Things to do in New Zealand

SKYDIVING

Skydive Lake Wanaka Ltd 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com Nzone ‘The Ultimate Jump’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SkydivingNZ.com New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

RAFTING

RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz

JET BOATING Shotover Jet

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

Glacier Guiding Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

river boarding

Mad Dog RiverBoarding 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

ACCOMMODATION Christchurch

City Oasis 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Coker’s Backpackers 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS

Bay Adventurer Backpackers & Apartments 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

Kaikoura Adelphi Lodge Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Queenstown

auckland

Bungi Backpackers 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Nomads Auckland 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

Southern Laughter Lodge 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Nomads Queenstown 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

Franz Josef Glacier Chateau Franz 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Nomads Fat Camel 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.

wellington

Nomads Capital 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.

Glow Worm Cottages 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Fiji ACCOMMODATION

THINGS TO DO

BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.com www.beachcomberfiji.com

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com

THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com

THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT * HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport.

Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com

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NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

Skydiving

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

Scuba Diving

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING & WATERSPORTS Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

Things to do in Australia Skydiving

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au SOUTHERN SKYDIVERS Busselton Regional Airport, Bussleton, WA Free: 1300 449 669 skydive@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au SKYDIVE BYRON BAY Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra, QLD, 4551 Ph: +61 7 5437 0211 Mob: +61 0418 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au/ SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351, Coffs Harbour, NSW, 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

Scuba Diving Australia

NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach, 230 Sugarloaf Rd, Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au

Adventure Tours

GOIN SOUTH Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg, SA, 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD, 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: 07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 08 8212 0211 info@surfandsun.com.au www.surfandsun.com.au KANGAROO ISLAND ADVENTURE TOURS Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.kiadventuretours.com.au MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING L4, 362 Kent St, Sydney, NSW, 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 , Yarra Glen, VIC, 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com.au

TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

Kite Surfing

KITESURF 1770 IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

SURF SCHOOLS

GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURFT TOURS 55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 +61 3 5261 3730 info@gorsurftours.com.au www.gorsurftours.com.au GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com SURF SHACK Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au GO SURFING BYRON BAY Ph: 02 6685 7099 gosurfingbyronbay@gmail.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com LETS GO SURFING Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com Marine Charters ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au JET SKI SAFARIS Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au

PARADISE JET BOATING Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

Bike Riding Tours

ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

Zorb Balls

OZ BALL GOLD COAST Go Zorbing with Oz Ball.

Ph: 07 5547 6300 info@ozball.com.au www.ozball.com.au

Wine and Beer Tours

PRIME MINI TOURS Melrose Park, SA, 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 info@primeminitours.com www.primeminitours.com

HIDDEN SECRET TOURS Melbourne CBD Ph: 03 9663 3358 tours@hiddensecrettours.com www.hiddensecretstours.com CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au BIG NIGHT OUT Surfers Paradise Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net FROG & TOAD BAR HOP Cairns Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 partyincairns@bigpond.com www.partyincairns.com

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ACCOMMODATION LISTINGS New South Wales Sydney

World Square Hostel 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 worldsquarehostel.com.au Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au Oxford Court Accommodation Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Cafesbs@bigpond.net.au Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers.

Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests.

The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off!

(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au

Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au

Sydney Northern Beaches

Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year.

Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Sydneys Southern Beaches

Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

Katoomba

Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

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Byron Bay

Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

Nambucca Heads

Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 info@nambuccabackpackers.com.au www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

Lake Tabourie

Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

Queensland Brisbane

Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 reservations@tinbilly.com www.tinbilly.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind.

Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

Goldcoast

Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au

Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com

ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT Cnr. Beach Road and Surfers Paradise Blvd Surfers Paradise QLD 4217 Ph: +61 7 5538 8000 Toll free: 1800 074 393

res@islander.com.au

www.islander.com.au/Backpackers Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au Surfers Paradise Backpackers rsrt Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

Noosa

Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com

Hervey Bay

Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770

(Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com

1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

Cairns

CAirns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.)

Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com

Mission Beach

Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

Whitsundays

Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

Airlie Beach

Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au

cape tribulation

PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

rainbow beach

Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

Western Australia scarborough

western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

COTTESLOE

ocean beach backpackers Cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com

Perth

Rainbow Lodge 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA Accommodation Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au

Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only).

Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

broome

St. Kilda

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

monkey mia

Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

Kununurra

Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

Victoria Mildura

redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

Halls Gap

Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

Melbourne

Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street , Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au

Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 or 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20! FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

Apollo Bay

Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

Halls Gap

Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

Northern Territory Darwin

Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

South Australia Adelaide

Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

alice springs

Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

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RECRUITMENT NEWS

Getting Temporary And Permanent Work In Australia Staying in a major city and the funds are running dry? Then get a job you lazy bum.

Whether it is temporary work to keep the travelling dream going just that little bit longer or permanent work to let you settle down, help is at hand from several agencies.

As you will have discovered from the seemingly ridiculous prices for booze and rent staying Down Under can be expensive. However, the comparatively higher cost of living is offset by the generous wages. Which is nice. So to get you off on the road to bounty your first step should be to consider how long you want to remain where you are and what roles you want to do. After that head down to an agency and let them help you in finding relevant employment.

For those who consider themselves true travellers with the thought of remaining in one place a definite no-no then get some temporary work in.

One of the leading agencies in finding temporary work is Adecco. On average the company places 8,000 temporary employees into roles each day with over 3,000 clients across all states in Australia so they clearly know their stuff. As far as temporary roles go, the agency specialises in positions such as Sales Administrators, Data Entry Specialists and Call Centre Operators; ideal for those looking for a quick buck for a couple of weeks.

With over 50 branches across Australia, Manpower tick several boxes as an agency for finding temporary work. The company focuses on developing a substantial pool of talent, providing companies with workers on a large-scale recruiting basis. Workers that could include you.

Drake is another agency that draws on a large pool of temporary workers to answer flexible recruitment needs. If you seek either blue-collar or white-collar work then put yourself in that pool and let them do the hard work of aligning your skills with their network of organisations.

If you are looking for something a little more longterm then there are agencies which specialise in contract and permanent work.

With offices in every major city in Australia, including Sydney and Melbourne as well as Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra, Perth, Mount Waverley and Hunter & Central Coast, Hudson is a good place to start. With recruiters in several employment sectors including the staple of Office Support but also Mining, Oil & Gas, Legal, Sales,

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Marketing & Communications, Financial Services and Information Technology they cover a range of permanent opportunities. Hudson also covers a wide range of employers from working with over 70 of the top 100 ASX listed companies and a fair few of Australia’s leading brands. With this scope they can match candidates’ competencies with the right role for prolonged job fulfilment.

One agency to stick with for the long-term is Michael Page. No, that is not just one bloke - but the agency Page Personnel which employs industry recruitment specialists so they basically know which candidates will flourish where. Considerate.

Randstad is another agency with offices dotted across Australia that provides specialist permanent recruitment solutions. They can hone in on talent to match those with the best skills to roles in industries such as Banking & Financial Services, PR & Communications, Human Resources, Information Technology, Construction and Engineering.

If Australia has stolen your heart and you are desperate to remain then sponsorship is the buzzword that should be spinning around your brain.

Robert Walters (again, that’s an agency not one bloke toiling alone) can see you through from a 457 Working Holiday Visa to direct sponsorship. That is after you have secured a suitable job from the Skilled Occupations List, of course. With offices in Sydney, Parramatta, Chatswood, Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide and Perth, they can facilitate the whole process: from finding a job to keeping you Down Under.

Konnecting Migration Services is a little different.

Instead of placing candidates in jobs they work for employers to find candidates for specific roles. This can make life a little easier from letting them do the hard work of finding a suitor.

Another option to consider is going through an intermediary which is an agency that acts as a gobetween from your employer to your visa. One such agency is Geoffrey Nathan (again, not one man but

a company) who can not only arrange 457 business visas but is one of few agencies to have negotiated a Labour Agreement to recruit an agreed number of overseas skilled employees. One of which could be you.

Interview Tips Don’t dress casually, ie no thongs (flip flops, don’t worry about skimpy underwear). If possible, take a quick look around the workplace when applying for a job to judge the dress code.

Don’t be nervous. The employer will want you to concentrate on answering questions, not worrying about your fidgeting.

Do act naturally. You need to be yourself, you can be no one else.

Do listen to the question and do not be afraid to take a pause until you have thought up a worthwhile answer.

By Omar Solimon

CV Tips Do be honest. The last thing you want is a few probing questions on a role you have substantially embellished.

Do keep it up-to-date. Employers will want to know what you have been up to recently, not what side jobs you did back in high school.

Do not waffle. Keep it simple and succinct.

Do ensure that your contact information is correct. But of course, how will they offer you a job if your mobile number is wrong?

Are you looking for staff?

Are you looking for work?

Get in touch with the team at BBMLive.com to recruit intelligent, experienced, professionals who are prepared to work.

Long term (457 visa holders), short term temps (417 visa WHM’s) and permanent residents.

check out www.bbmlive.com/jobs.html or call 08 9433 6162 for more info

www.bbmlive.com 53

BBM TRIVIA Across:

Crossword

1. A coastal town in the UK that has a beach named after it in Victoria (8) 3. The name of Australia’s highest mountain found in the Great Dividing Range (5,0,14) 7. A popular seafood meal (7) 8. Another name for a Eucalyptus Tree (3) 10. Reptile that can’t stick its tongue out (9) 14. The name for a whale’s tail (5) 15. A popular party island in the Balearics (5)

Just to make sure you’ve read and digested the whole entire magazine, we’ve put together this crossword to put your knowledge to the test. Prove you’ve been paying attention with the clues provided...

Down:

Answers can be found on our competitions page www.bbmlive.com/competitions.html or facebook.com/bbmmagazine

2. A protected Aboriginal Nature Reserve in the Northern Territory (6,0,4) 4. French for the word black, and also a DJ (4) 5. The only marsupial that can’t walk backwards (8) 6. The smallest type of shark (3,0,4) 9. The phrase for when you knock all pins down when bowling (6) 11. A fish that does not have bones (5) 12. A male chicken (4) 13. A suburb near Manly (6)

Pub Quiz Knowledge If you’re into pub quizzes then you’ll be pleased with this list of useless facts that you think you don’t need to know, as you’ll never know when that pointless bit of information you’ve retained will come in handy...

Walt Disney gave his housekeeper stocks every year for the holidays, and she died a multi-millionaire.

A large bag of popcorn with butter at the movie theatre has about 1,500 calories The same as 3 Big Macs.

In your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools.

“Evan Almighty” was the most expensive comedy ever made, costing about $200 million to produce.

Goat meat is the most consumed meat in the world.

Penis enlargement surgeries are free in Cuba.

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More iPhones are sold every day than people are born.

Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes!

Until 2001, Disneyland workers were not allowed to wear their own underwear in costume. They wore company jock straps which they returned.

A “dacryphiliac” is someone who gets sexually aroused from watching other people cry.

The Merriam-Webster officially recognizes “wenis” as “the extra skin on your elbow.”

WIN

Thanks to our friends at Future Music Festival we’ve managed to get our hands on some tickets for you to see Bloc Party performing at their sideshows in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne.

To be in with a chance to WIN a pair of tickets, sign up to the BBMLive.com newsletter this month or email us your full name, d.o.b and mobile no.

competitions@what-media.com

*t&c’s apply - see full comp details on www.bbmlive.com

Oral sex was illegal in Canada until 1969.