BBM LIVE NOVEMBER ISSUE 742

EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby SUB EDITOR Charlotte Mellor SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Bryony Curtis CONTRIBUTORS Omar Soliman, Nicholas Tebb, Lillie Almond, Jade Cayton, Robert Bramhill, Bryony Curtis, Alastair Davidson, Jason Barr, Aleem Koroma, Arti Rajput, Merlin Ramos, Sophie Saint, Chelsea Forsyth, Lesley-Jane Carroll, Catriona Harvey-Jenner, Emma Walker, Lucie Potter WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber DESIGN Basil Thomas design@what-media.com Michael Cusack James Edwards PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir tom.shakir@what-media.com +61 2 8005 8162 James Edwards promotions@what-media.com Lucie Potter marketing1@what-media.com CLASSIFIEDS & LISTINGS info@what-media.com +61 2 8005 8162 PRINTED BY SPOTPRESS NOTE TO ADVERTISERS Gaining the approval for the use of trademarks and images in advertisments is the responsibility of the advertiser and not What Media Pty Ltd. Advertising material is accepted in good faith and What Media Pty Ltd bears no responsibility for any claims or errors.

Copyright of original material is held by What Media Pty Ltd. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden except with written permission of the publishers.

Sign me up...

www.bbmlive.com 3

HIGHLIGHTS MAKJ at Pacha

Shore Thing Bondi Beach

Falls Festival

H2OH Festival

MAKJ has done a lot in his 23 years, including living in China where he was a professional race car driver, and learning to DJ at the age of 15. Luckily for us, he made a career out of the latter, and will be playing a set at Pacha in Sydney, just five days before Christmas. Having been supported by the likes of Hardwell, Afrojack and Avicii, the young mixer is pretty well-established so you should catch him while you can.

What: MAKJ at Pacha When: 20th December 2013 Where: Pacha Price: $25-$40 More info: www.pachasydney.com

Christmas and New Year in Australia has the potential to be one of your best festive seasons yet. Check out our top picks of what’s on this December and January Down Under.

Subsonic Music Festival

The beat and bass-loving annual festival is back this year with big names on the bill including Chic feat. Nile Rodgers, Electric Empire, Kora and many more. Subsonic is being held in early December in the picturesque setting of Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort, three hours north of Sydney. The festival boasts a luxurious twist on camping, with hot showers and even a proper bar!

Just what you need to make Subsonic even more enjoyable in the run up to Christmas!

What: Subsonic Music Festival When: 6th – 8th December 2013 Where: Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort, Barrington Tops, NSW Price: $160 (one free ticket for every 5 bought) More info: www.subsonicmusic.com.au

Festival of the Sun

For those of you within reach of Port Macquarie in NSW this Christmas, treat yourself to an early Christmas present by getting yourself a ticket to Festival of the Sun, on 13th-14th December. The line-up will be a favourite for Rock and Blues lovers, including You Am I, The Rubens and Ash Grunwald. This year’s festival also has a theme: The Black Friday Edition. Yep – that means fancy dress, and there are prizes for those who do it best!

What: Festival of the Sun When: 13th - 14th December 2013 Where: Sundowner Breakwall Tourist Park, Port Macquarie, NSW More info: fotsun.com

Sunburnt Christmas

With the details still yet to be announced, you can party down at Bondi Beach all of Christmas Day whilst listening to some amazing DJ’s.

What: Sunburnt Christmas When: 25th December 2013 Where: Bondi Beach More info: www.sunburntchristmas.com.au

4

www.bbmlive.com

This new year celebration festival boasts an array of different artists to please pretty much anyone.

With household names such as Tom Odell, Vampire Weekend, MGMT and none other than The Smiths’ Johnny Marr, it’s clear to see why two of the three festival locations are completely sold out (tickets are no longer available for the festivals in Lorne, Victoria and in Byron, NSW). Falls is also famous for its love of arts and its environmental sustainability; even better!

What: Falls Festival When: 29th December 2013 – 1st January 2014 Where: Marion Bay, Tasmania (also in Lorne and Byron – both now sold out) Price: $203-$336 More info: fallsfestival.com.au

Harbour Party Sydney

As if Luna Park, the fairground sitting on the edge of Sydney’s harbour, wasn’t already cool enough, this festive season it becomes the home to the New Year’s Eve ‘Harbour Party Sydney’ once again.

Open from early evening until the early hours, this unmissable party offers some of the best local and international electronic music DJ’s. With unlimited access to the park’s famous rides, along with unrivalled views of the harbour and the fireworks, it really is a great way to see in 2014.

What: Harbour Party Sydney When: 31st December 2013 Where: Luna Park, Sydney Harbour Price: $99+ More info: www.harbourparty.com

Origin NYE Festival

For 2013’s New Year festival, Origin has come back with a bang in the shape of an awesome line-up.

Whiz Khalifa, A$AP Rocky, High Contrast as well as Camo and Crooked all feature at the top of the bill. The festival, with its riverside location, is clearly a popular annual event being in its 7th year, and promises to be one of the best ways to celebrate the New Year in Perth.

What: Origin NYE Festival When: 31st December 2013 Where: Ozone Reserve, Perth Price: $130-$250 More info: theorigin.com.au

Now in its eighth year, Shore Thing festival’s invasion of Sydney’s most famous beach – Bondi – is set to be another cracker. Boasting the title of ‘party of the year’, it’s looking likely to live up to its reputation having secured Skrillex, one of the world’s most sought after DJ’s, as headliner. With fully licensed bars and food houses, the ocean, music and fireworks, the event has everything you need to make a perfect new year – Bondi Style.

What: Shore Thing When: 31st December 2013 Where: Bondi Beach, Sydney NSW Price: $118-$225 More info: www.shorething.com.au

There’s not much more tempting for New Year’s Eve than a party that offers all-inclusive drinks as well as entertainment. And the setting isn’t too shabby either, located on the riverside so that guests will have panoramic views of the Yarra River and the city’s enviable skyline whilst watching the fireworks at 9pm and midnight. An event for those who love glitz and glamour, it’s also set to please anyone who is a fan of some good old retro and RnB music coming from some of Melbourne’s best DJ’s.

What: H2OH Festival When: 31st December 2013 Where: South Wharf Promenade, Melbourne Price: $135-$170 More info: www.nyeriverside.com.au/event

Let Them Eat Cake

The festival that made an explosive debut on New Year’s Day 2013 is back for more this coming 1st January 2014. With the parklands of Werribee Mansion as its location, Let Them Eat Cake has plenty to entice, including acclaimed artisanal cuisine, and cake and secret cocktail bars. The line-up also promises to deliver, with UK Dance duo Bicep, Drum & Bass producers Digital, Cyril Hann and many more taking to the stage.

What: Let Them Eat Cake When: 1st January 2014 Where: Werribee Park, K Road, Werribee South VIC 3030, Australia More info: www.letthemeatcakenyd.com.au

Woodford Folk Festival

Woodford Folk Festival is set to bring in the New Year with a bang, falling on the 27th December to 1st January, as it sets itself miles apart from any other festival again with a unique and unmissable combination of top-quality entertainment, foods from all over the world and music spanning across all genres. With over 500 acts in 28 venues, totalling 1235 shows that span over six incredibly busy days and nights, the festival offers concerts, dances, street theatre, writers’ panels, a film festival, comedy sessions, acoustic jams, folk medicine and arts and crafts programmes. This year’s musical highlights include The Basics and Blue King Brown.

What: Woodford Folk Festival When: 27th December 2013 - 1st January 2014 Where: Woodfordia, Jinibara Country More info: www.woodfordfolkfestival.com

HIGHLIGHTS The Best Of British Just because you live Down Under, doesn’t mean that you have to forget your roots. Thankfully there are some places in Australia that stay in tune with all things British, including shops, bars and restaurants that strive to bring the best bits of Britain overseas to Australia. In the true British essence, when times of crisis or trouble appear, we all know that a proper cup of tea and a McVities biscuit for dipping solves all worries in a flash. Here’s a few things that will keep your homesickness at bay.

To The Chocoholic With Love…

Brits are known for their sweet tooth and love of all things chocolatey. There is no denying that the chocolate in Australia just isn’t the same as what you get down the local corner shop at home. But fear not, for there are British shops that will have you chomping down on your Crunchie bar in no time at all. If you log on to www.britishsweets.com.au you can even order your supplies of Quality Street and Minstrels in no time at all!

In Need Of Porkey Whites & Picalilly?

Whether you want to go all out and create a traditional roast, or an artery-clogging fry up, or simply need a pork pie with some picalilly, Britain On The Bayside will see to it that you get everything that your little heart desires.

Get everything from chutneys, to jams, cereals and pork sausages (none of this skinless beef “sausage” malarkey.)

Head to www.britainonthebayside.com.au to place your order. Or if you happen to be in Queensland, you can pick up your goods at their outlet in Birkdale.

Cuppa Tea Love?

If you can’t take any more herbal teas, then The Best Of British over in Perth will make sure you can have the cup of PG Tips that you need in order to survive. You can even get your hands on soups, marmalades and even gravy granules. Visit www.bestofbritish.com.au to get your marmite now.

And After All, You’re My Wonder Wall…

Yes, we’re talking to you, you with the Brit Pop badges attached to your “quirky” little waist coat and flat cap, you’ll like this place. Treats From Home in Melbourne and Sydney provide the perfect gifts for British music lovers.

The perfect place to pick up Christmas presents, you can find a huge selection of retro and current memorabilia. Like all great things these days, you can even order online, so visit www.treatsfromhome.com to get browsing now.

6

www.bbmlive.com

Pommy Rants It’s been a while since we heard the rants of British people living in Australia, but with Christmas on the horizon, it appears that us Brits have a lot on our mind when it comes to acclimatising to a sunny Christmas. So sit tight ‘cause here comes the rain.

First things first, “shrimps on the Barbie”… WTF. Honestly.

A) This is not the kind of food that his Lord, Father Christmas, would condone B) It’s not filling C) It’s not hard to cook D) If anything, it’s a bit too healthy So let us band together to stop this autrocity from occurring across the nation. Brits arise and head out of the cities and find us some Emus to roast. For if we are to spend Christmas in this arid wasteland, then lets live off the local produce and make our own Australian Christmas Dinner.

Then again, no one would actually want to wrestle a bird that comes up to your chin, as it will probably end up nutting you in the face and pecking your nipples off… we digress.

However, we will allow a trip to the beach, as you can pretend it’s snow and roll around making sand angels, but if you do head to the beach, you must wear a Santa hat at all times.

Now, if you’re boiling it up at 35C and it simply doesn’t feel like Christmas, we have a fool-proof plan to make you feel a little more at home: stay inside, draw the curtains, turn the air conditioning down to 10 degrees and whack on some sort of Hugh Grant film with a pair of slippers and your finest pyjamas.

Just remember, there is no need to buck conventions entirely, despite being marooned on this island away from everyone you love this Christmas. Stay strong to your culinary needs on this hallowed day, watch the films you would normally watch, sit around for hours on end stuffing yourself full of chocolates and crackers, and just try and get through it.

Movember Movember is in full swing, so put those razors to one side and get ready to give Yosemite Sam a run for his money!

There are events going on all over Australia to reward those of you who have been claimed by the hairy lip slug.

Gala Partés will be kicking off in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Adelaide, Canberra, Brisbane and Hobart with tickets secured for those of you that raise $100, additional tickets can be claimed if you manage to raise up to $200. Ticket prices vary depending on venue from $10-35 so head to au.movember.com for more information on what you can expect at a Gala Parté!

There are tons of events going on throughout November in order to raise money and awareness about Testicular Cancer. You can get involved too, by hosting your own Mo Trivia night, and testing your friends’ knowledge on famous moustaches. So make sure you watch plenty of Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck movies beforehand. Visit au.movember.com to find out about all the fun events going on in a city near you during November and get that tash growing and groomed!

5

things to try this month

Do something completely different this month with these exciting things to try. With sports, relaxing activities and interesting food on the menu, you’re sure to feel well-cultured, entertained and completely content.

Under Water Yoga

Snorkel Safari

There’s an easier option to this other than testing your breathing skills and that’s at Sea Life Sydney Aquarium. Enter the Great Barrier Reef Room and get as close as possible to experiencing underwater yoga - minus the sharks - with the floor-to-ceiling glass wall that gives you a scenic view of all the ocean’s inhabitants.

Explore the underwater world with dives to the Deep Wall and Isolated Reefs, or simply relax beneath the surface and watch the seahorses swim past.

Yoga and meditation have always had an ambient quality to them, so why not immerse yourself in the peace and quiet of the ocean?

Yoga By The Sea instructor, Sasha Hawly, will lead these early morning sessions while the rest of the area is closed to the public. Another plus is the after-class refreshments; fill yourself up wth dozens of mini-muffins.

Tuesday, 7-8am (guests must arrive at 6.45am for a 7am start) and classes cost $25. Head to sydneyaquarium.com.au to book.

The word Safari brings to mind Africa’s Masai Mara and big dusty roads, but Australia’s Snorkel Safari has just as much to offer across the aquatic savannah.

With years of experience, Snorkel Safari offer you an array of choice, whether it’s shoe diving, boat dives or exploring wrecks you’re after, they have it all. The best part is that there’s more than one location spanning across Australia.

Whether you’re in NSW, QLD, SA or VIC, there will be one near you. Snorkel Safari hold all the wonders of diving and is available to book online from their official website. Book your tour at: www.snorkelsafari.com.au.

Strike Bowling

Strike Bowling take the game to a whole new level, with projector screens that play the latest music videos and a gourmet kitchen so you don’t starve while striking those nines.

Take advantage of the special karaoke bars, get lost in the world of laser tag and party it out with the music, food and beverages in any way you want – there are even party packages on offer to help you celebrate any occasion.

The prices depend on the venue’s location, but there are plenty of branches to choose from. Go to www.strikebowling.com.au to book your fun!

Explore Daintree rainforest by unleashing your inner Tarzan.

With Jungle Surfing, you can zip along the treetops in the safety of your full body harness across the entire forest.

If you’re more of a nocturnal animal then take to the Jungle Adventures Nightwalk.

The lights will be out and so will the night time inhabitants.

Located in Cape Tribulation, you don’t need any previous experience for this adventure of a lifetime, which is worth every penny. Prices start at $40 per person depending on the activity. Head to: www.junglesurfing.com.au.

Kangaroo Burger

Swap your beef burger for a kangaroo in a bun and sample the native Australian cuisine this month.

It may sound gross, but we can assure you it’s not. Kangaroo meat is very lean with little fat and should be cooked mediumrare to medium to let the juices flow. Don’t overcook it or the meat will lose its flavour.

Better yet, take it in the form of a burger.

It tastes a bit like chicken, a bit like filet mignon, but you won’t know until you try!

Hop over to Purple Goanna in Sydney or The Portland Hotel in Melbourne.

By Arti Rajput

Jungle Surfing and Walking the Night Time Paths at Daintree Rainforest

www.bbmlive.com 7

SPORTS BARS

The ashes 2013-2014

The Ashes is held biennially between Australia and England and the inaugural event was held in 1882-1883. The competition was born out of the gamesmanship of W.G Grace, the man with a beard so glorious that it was the envy of most men.

He also played cricket from time to time. Regarded by many as the sport’s greatest cricketer, he riled up Australian Fred Spofforth with his legal but underhanded run out of Sammy Johnson.

Spofforth then proceeded to fire through the English batsmen to give the Australians victory, despite England only having a short run chase.

With the England team castigated by their own country, Ivo Bligh vowed to recover “the ashes”, which he mentioned several times whilst on tour of Australia and the term was picked up by Australian media.

The Australians dominated proceedings from 1989-2003, regularly beating England convincingly.

However, England finally recovered the Urn in 2005.

The series was one of the most enthralling, and the

8

www.bbmlive.com

sport captivated audiences, including Englishman who weren’t even fans of the sport, but became specialists in time to mock Australian expatriates.

Raucous celebrations ensued upon victory as the grown men of the England team celebrated with the most petite trophy in the history of sport: The Ashes. The heroes accepted national acclaim and Freddie Flintoff, the man of the series, stepped up once more to appear drunk and slur his words at every possible public appearance.

This time around, the England squad has been announced with a few surprise inclusions in the form of Ben Stokes, Gary Ballance, Boyd Rankin and Michael Carberry. The England squad in full: Alastair Cook (Essex, captain), Joe Root (Yorkshire), Jonathan Trott (Warwickshire), Kevin Pietersen (Surrey), Ian Bell (Warwickshire), Gary Ballance (Yorkshire), Michael Carberry (Hampshire), Jonny Bairstow (Yorkshire), Ben Stokes (Durham), Matt Prior (Sussex, vice-captain), Stuart Broad (Nottinghamshire), Graeme Swann (Nottinghamshire), James Anderson (Lancashire), Monty Panesar (Sussex, on loan at Essex), Steven Finn (Middlesex), Boyd Rankin (Warwickshire), Chris Tremlett (Surrey) The biggest news ahead of the clash is that Hot-Spot will not be in use during the series.

The technology came under fire after a few

dismissals (and non-dismissals) were regarded as questionable. Inventor Warren Brennan defended his technology, claiming the use of silicone taping on bats may have affected the accuracy. Either way the Aussies have planted their first excuse for their under performance in England.

Australia captain Michael Clarke is fighting to be fit for the first test as he has a back problem. He flew home from the one-day series in India to recover properly, but Clarke himself is struggling to be confident of a full recovery. Australia coach Darren Lehmann insists the first test is a long way off and medical staff can get him back on track.

Meanwhile, Joe Root is hoping to take advantage of Australia’s busy schedule. The Australians may suffer fatigue as they will be in India finishing off a one-day series whilst England fully focus on preparing for The Ashes.

“If anything it might give us a slight advantage.

We are concentrating on our own preparation and making sure we are ready for the series.” Root said.

The Ashes will begin on 21st November at The Gabba. The next four tests will be held at the Adelaide Oval, The WACA, MCG and hopefully a gripping finale at Sydney Cricket Ground.

By Aleem Koroma

The forthcoming 2013-2014 Ashes will be held in Australia, who will be looking gain revenge after their poor showing over the summer in the previous series held in England. England won the five-test series 3-0 with the Australians uncharacteristically floundering on the big occasion. England will be looking to create history by achieving four successive Ashes victories on the trot.

International Fixtures English Premier League - Fox

Scottish Premier League - Setanta

Ashes 2013 - Australia vs England

Nov 2 - Newcastle v Chelsea -11.35 pm - Fox 1 Nov 3 - Fulham v Manchester United - 1.50 am - Fox 1 Nov 3 - Arsenal v Liverpool - 4.15 am - Fox 1 Nov 4 - Everton v Tottenham -12.20 am - Fox 1 Nov 4 - Cardiff v Swansea - 2.50 am - Fox 1 Nov 10 - Liverpool v Fulham - 1.50 am - Fox 1 Nov 10 - Tottenham v Newcastle - 10.50 pm Fox 1 Nov 11 - Sunderland v Manchester City - 12.55 am - Fox 1 Nov 11 - Manchester United v Arsenal - 2.55 am - Fox 1 Nov 23 - Everton v Liverpool - 11.30 pm - Fox 1 Nov 24 - Arsenal v Southampton - 1.50 am Fox 1 Nov 24 - West Ham v Chelsea - 4.20 am - Fox 1 Nov 25 - Manchester City v Tottenham - 12.15 am - Fox 1 Nov 25 - Cardiff v Manchester United - 2.45 am - Fox 1 Dec 1 - Cardiff v Arsenal - 1.50 am - Fox 1 Dec 1 - West Ham v Fulham - 1.50 am - Viewers Choice Dec 1 - Tottenham v Manchester United - 10.45 pm - Fox 1 Dec 2 - Hull v Liverpool - 12.55 am - Fox 1 Dec 2 - Chelsea v Soton - 3.00 am - Fox 1 Dec 2 - Manchester City v Swansea - 3.00 am - Fox 3

Nov 3 - Motherwell v Hibernian - 11:30pm Nov 5 - Aberdeen v Partick - 6:40am Nov 7 - Rangers v Dunfermline - 6:40am Nov 10 - Hibernian v Inverness - 2:00am

Nov 21 - 25 - 1st Test - Brisbane Cricket Ground, Brisbane Dec 5 - 9 - 2nd Test - Adelaide Oval, Adelaide Dec 13 - 17 - 3rd Test - W.A.C.A., Perth Dec 26 - 30 - 4th Test - Melbourne Cricket Ground, Melbourne Jan 3 - 7 - 5th Test - Sydney Cricket Ground, Sydney

Sky Bet Championship

Nov 10 - Reading v QPR - 11:15pm Nov 10 - Leicester v Nottm Forest - 1:55pm

Bundesliga Nov 4 - Werder Bremen v Hannover - 3:25am Nov 10 - Monchengladbach v Nuremburg 4:25pm Nov 11 - Mainz v Frankfurt - 1:25am

UFC

All games listed are subject to change without notice. Please check with each venue prior to arrival to see if your team is playing, live and with sounds to avoid disappointment

Nov 6 - UFC Fight Night for the troops - 4pm Fort Campbell, Kentuky, USA Nov 9 - UFC Belfort Vs Henderson - 5pm Goiania, Brazil Nov 16 - UFC 167 St-Pierre Vs Hendricks - 7pm Las Vegas, Nevada, USA Nov 30 - TUF 18 Finale Johnson Vs Benavidez #2 - 7pm Las Vegas, Nevada, USA

www.bbmlive.com 9

SPORTS BARS One To Watch:

Top Ten Ashes Moments

oe Root is the man England will be hoping can churn out another string of consistent performances down under. The 22-year-old was selected to partner Captain Alistair Cook as opening batsman in England and proved to be a reliable choice. He clocked up the highest runs scored of all the England team in the series at 180 runs in the second test.

1. The controversial “Bodyline Bowling” of the 1932 series saw England assault the vulnerable parts of the batsmen to accrue wickets.

J

Likened to former England captain Michael Vaughan, Root made a solid test début in Nagpur in 2012. He managed to achieve the sixth longest innings on a début as he scored 73 from 229 balls simultaneously proving his ability be patient on a slow surface. He created history at The Ashes by becoming the youngest England cricketer to achieve a century. His team-mates have duly paid tribute to his desire to learn and for the level of maturity he has already shown to handle high pressure situations that belies his years.

Down-to-earth in character, his talent never gets the better of him. Root maintains a level of professionalism; so much so, that his only source of agitation is not being sledged by Shane Warne but being late to practice. The work ethic displayed by Joe Root is what will see him be an effective player this coming series. Packing a wide array of shots in his arsenal, Root is a technically gifted batsman who is comfortable using both hands to undo the bowler.

This Ashes series Joe Root will be looking to build on a promising first Ashes; especially his second test performance where he delivered with both bat and ball.

Scoring 180 runs and taking 2 major wickets in the form of Usman Khawaja and Michael Clarke, he was awarded player of the match.

10 www.bbmlive.com

2. After a staunch partnership between bowlers Brett Lee and Shane Warne at Edgbaston 2005, the run chase was whittled down to a meagre three runs.

Steve Harmison finally broke through, drawing the series at 1-1.

3. Sir Donald Bradman and Bill Ponsford, a.k.a “The Terrible Twins”, banished the demons from the previous series’ “Bodyline Bowling” by drumming up a 450 run second wicket partnership to halt an England victory.

4.Shane Warne bowled the “Ball of the Century” back in 1993, leaving England captain Mike Gatting stunned almost reticent to leave the crease.

5. Andrew Strauss produced the catch of the 2005 series with an agile dive to his left to send Adam Gilchrist marching to the stands.

6. The England team of 2010 achieved a feat that hadn’t been done for 24 years - winning the Ashes at the MCG on Australian turf.

7. In 1983, Ian Botham bowled out Australia 5 for 1 off 28 balls to ensure a 29 run win at Edgbaston.

8. Jimmy Anderson produced a timely response to some sledging from fast bowler Mitchell Johnson by taking a wicket the very next ball.

9. Shane Warne showed off his cheesiest dance moves revelling in the glory of victory at Trent Bridge in 1997.

10. Flintoff put Australia to the sword by first disposing of Justin Langer and then steam-rolling captain Ricky Ponting in one over in 2005.

Fergie’s Autobiography

Holloway Abdicates From Palace

It’s been two months since the beginning of the football season, and therefore, two months since BT Sport came charging expensively into our lives; bringing redemption to all of us who had suffered for years with Sky Sports, and what do we think?

In case you have been living in a cold war bunker or got kidnapped by dingos in the outback, you should know that Alex Ferguson has released his autobiography.

After less than a year as manager, ‘exhausted’ Ian Holloway has left Crystal Palace in a mutual agreement with club chairman, Steve Parish.

The news shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, what with the team not exactly shining during the Championship and Premier Leagues, with 16 defeats, 12 draws and 12 wins in 40 games.

There’s Jake “wanker anchor” Humphrey, bounding around the studio like a dick, then making the foolish mistake of insulting Frenchman David Ginola’s dress sense, and waving his hand weirdly over Ginola’s dick, while McManaman and Owen Hargreaves stood sniggering. Clearly raging at Humphrey’s sartorial takedown and bizarre dickwaving antics, Ginola proceeded to make the “wanker” gesture behind his back. Live on air.

Then there’s the soporific Michael Owen, offering us monotone gems like: “he’s [Mignolet] been in that mood for two years now” In what fucking mood, Michael? What the fuck does that even mean?

And finally, the shit idea of getting former referee Mark Halsey to adjudicate on the actual ref. This could be good, but isn’t, due to the fact Halsey agrees with every fucking shit decision - for the entire game.

Just remember though everyone, for all their morons, dullards and angry Frenchmen, it could be worse - when Sky Sports started, they had Richard Keys and Andy Gray.

Ever the fantasist, Fergie’s come up with probably the best title of any book ever - My Autobiography.

Ok, so it doesn’t reveal much, but you can bet that most of it will be about football, and that’s all that matters.

The novel in question delightfully fires through 27 years at the club of which he reigned masterfully, Manchester United, telling of spats with Roy Keane, how he loved David Beckham - who in turn fell in love with a twiggy fashion twat - and how he actually quite liked José Mourinho. There are probably mentions of some boozy nights out drinking whiskey with Sean Connery and Andy Murray, and he may even spill about his undying love for the media - but don’t hold your breath on that one.

Basically, if you consider yourself a football fan in any way, you will buy this book. Steal it, get a friend to steal it, just get it!

Result: You owe it to yourself, and if you don’t like football, then Christmas is on its way; what a perfect friend you are!!!

Having guided Palace into the Premier League, Holloway was on a high, but must have crashed back down to earth with a bang when he saw what he had left himself with. Having bought 14 new players, and selling top scorer Wilfried Zaha to Manchester United, the manager did not have the team that he won the play-offs with, but rather a whole bunch of fresh-out-of-nowhere kids who looked more like X Factor wannabes lining up to audition that an actual team that had the passion, skills and belief to beat teams like Arsenal, Chelsea, and um… Fulham.

The last straw was indefinitely the 4-1 defeat to Fulham, just two days before the press conference that revealed the 50-year-old’s future (or rather, lack of) at the club.

Commenting on his decision, Holloway explained: ‘The club needs an impetus of energy. But I just feel tired to be honest. I’m worn out. I need a little bit of time to chill out with the family, but I will look out for Palace’s scores.” If there are any.

By Aleem Koroma, Nicholas Tebb & Merlin Ramos

BT Sport’s Start To The Season

Premier League Title Race

T

he Premier League is gearing up to be even more competitive than last year with the starts made by teams not involved in last year’s title race.

Arsenal have come out the blocks the fastest having been boosted by the signing of Mesut Ozil and the insatiable form of Aaron Ramsey since the opening day defeat to Aston Villa. The Welshman suffered a careerthreatening injury a few years ago and is now in the greatest form of his career.

Tottenham’s mass expenditure should see them be a threat to any side with their blend of youth and experienced internationals in their ranks.

Chelsea, one of the pre-season favourites, are starting to look more difficult to beat with the world class names in their ranks proving their extra bit of quality when games are tight. Manchester City are also finding their feet after a wobbly start under new manager Manuel Pellegrini.

Of the Merseyside clubs, Liverpool have the most potent strike force in the league in the form of Suarez and Sturridge and look likely to score in every game. Everton meanwhile look confident in the new Spanish style of football implemented

by Roberto Martinez.

Those that are seemingly out of the race at this stage are Norwich City, Crystal Palace (see previous) and Sunderland, making up the bottom three with just 7, 3 and 1 point(s) consecutively. Things are so bad, that the odds of Palace claiming the title are currently 10,000/1. Could be a nice little earner - shame they haven’t got a chance in hell.

www.bbmlive.com 11

SYDNEY

Mixing it up Sydney style If your attempts at cocktail-making stretch no further than a gin and tonic with an “exciting” dash of cranberry, pay attention. Masters of mixology are sharing their secrets all around Sydney, so everyone can impress with something that’s potent, but not deadly. Education with alcohol?

That’s our type of school.

Stop in at 2010 to see what Jeremy has in store for you!

A Classic Daiquiri can get way twisted!

The classic daiquiri is high on every cocktailian’s top ten list of libations.

There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but there is such a thing as a free cocktail class. Thanks to Ketel One, Grasshopper’s famous cocktail classes are taking place at Boston in Circular Quay, every Friday night in November. The one hour sessions will leave you with a newfound skill and the chance to sample your own creations. These are in-demand slots so booking in advance is essential. www.thegrasshopper.com.au

Design Your Own At Emmilou’s

This is a class for creative types, as at Emmilou’s not only will you learn a few of the bar’s most popular recipes, you’ll also be taught the art of balancing drinks and then test these brilliant skills by designing your own cocktail creations. The only task left is to taste them all. The good news is this class can host up to 40 people, so all your friends can become experts too for $50 - $70pp. Dinner parties just got more exciting. www.emmilou.com.au

Learn With A View At Cherry Bar School

This is one lesson you won’t spend staring at the clock. With stunning views over the harbour, guests begin this class in a very civilised manner with a cocktail concocted specially for the class. Then in one hour and $88pp, mere cocktail sippers are transformed into masters of the art by one of the bar’s mixologists. Swotting up will pay off here, because this is followed by a team competition with winners receiving $100 bar tab - much more enticing than a gold star. www.star.com.au

2010 Presents Team Building With A Twist

‘Shake and Muddle’ cocktail classes from 2010 are team building sessions that people actually want to be involved in, as there isn’t a newspaper tower building competition in sight. Over two hours, participants are split into teams, each manning different cocktail stations and learning different styles. These sessions are perfect for birthdays, hen do’s, and stag parties if you want to indulge your cocktail knowledge whilst bonding with your pals. This is all about the fun and creative aspect that gives cocktails their appeal, with a chance to invent your own winning creation and a quiz to find out which team learnt the most… May the cockiest coktails win! www.2010.com.au

Learn From A Master At Sticky Bar

This is a small bar with a big reputation for its drinks; learn how to make the bar’s very own specials with a private class from one of the mixologists. In 90 minutes, guests learn how to shake, strain and juggle those mixers like a pro. With three of your handmade cocktails to enjoy at the end, alongside canapés, this is your very own private soiree. www.tablefor20.blogspot.co.uk

12 www.bbmlive.com

Cocktails And Canapes At Longrain

Longrain present a winning formula by offering guests three cocktails matched to a selection of canapés for $75pp. This will put an end to the often strange mixtures of fruity flavours and salty crisps, as attendees will leave armed with everything they need to put on a sophisticated do. A mixture of classic and modern drinks are taught, so you can whip up anything for your guests…because serving your girlfriends an Old Fashioned just won’t cut it. www.longrain.com

One of the reasons is due to its versatility in twisting and tweaking the cocktail to suit the drinker or maker’s taste.

It’s always great to use fresh, seasonal and local fruit if possible. Blood orange is just out of season and certainly a favourite of mine due to the slightly tart dry flavours and amazing colours.

You can substitute lemons for limes when they skyrocket to $2 each, and matching the more acidic flavours of the lemon to some warm berry flavours is super tasty.

Classically served straight up in a coupe or martini glass, this drink works great as a frozen cocktail blended with some fresh fruit on these hot summer afternoons.

Here’s a couple of recipes to get you started...

Classic Daiquiri – (Cocktail clubs version) 40mls white rum, 15mls of each lime juice and simple syrup, shake hard on fresh ice and strain into a coupe or any nice glass!

Tasty Frozen Daiquiri In an ice blending blender add 3-4 strawberries (or bendable fruit) fill with ice, add 3-5 shots of white rum, a good dash of simple syrup and a good splash of freshly squeezed lemon juice.

Blend and taste, add extra sugar syrup as desired.

Serve in small portions so they stay cold in polycarbonate martinis by the pool!

By Emma Walker, Images courtesy of The Grasshopper, Emmilou’s & Longrain.

Free Pop Up Classes At The Grasshopper

SYDNEY

$ 10 0 D a y A r o u n d To w n 2 - 3pm - Bondi Beach

Predictable, yes. But with good reason, if you’ve got just one chance to experience Sydney, this just has to feature. Take a stroll along the sands and indulge in the ultimate beach time activity of people watching. This beach probably invented it.

3 - 5pm - Bondi Beach to Coogee

8 - 10am – Breakfast at Circular Quay

Take a stroll round Circular Quay, there are a number of restaurants and cafes in this vibrant area. At Settlement on Quay, breakfast will set you back about $15 for a coffee and bacon and egg roll. With incredible views of the harbour, this breakfast will be one you’ll remember forever.

Breakfast $15 www.settlementonquay.com.au

10am – 12pm - Manly Ferry

You won’t have time to visit all the top sites, but at least this way you’ll get to see them. Aboard the ferry at Circular Quay and experience some very famous sights; the Opera House, Sydney Harbour Bridge and Fort Denison. Take in the skyline as you gear yourself up for a whirlwind tour. There’s no time to explore at the other end though, so hop back on that ferry!

Adult Ferry Return Ticket $14.40. www.manlyaustralia.com.au

12 - 1pm – Art Gallery of New South Wales

Next it’s time for something a bit sophisticated with a visit to the Art Gallery of New South Wales. There’s Australian Art, Contemporary Art, Photography and Pacific Art to name just a few of the collections. And there’s more to this place than just the artwork itself, with regular lectures, concerts and performances, there’s a lot to get you inspired. This gallery is free to visit, although popular exhibitions will need booking in advance.

Free www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au

1 - 2pm - Lunch In China Town

It’s time to give your tastebuds a treat. Head to busy China Town, a stark contrast to the relative civilization of areas visited so far. Pop into Chat Thai on Campbell Street to find delicious Thai cuisine at a good price.

Noodle dishes from $13 www.chatthai.com.au

14 www.bbmlive.com

5 - 7pm – Wylie’s Public Paths

Sitting just below the Maroubra to Bondi walkway, this stunning ocean tide pool is a luxurious experience at an incredibly cheap price. Open 365 days a year, guests can do a few laps or just watch the sun begin to set. $4.50 www.wylies.com.au

7 - 9pm - Newtown

There’s one place that delivers above everywhere else in Sydney, and that’s Newtown. Renowned for its arty atmosphere, there are street entertainers keeping this spirit alive, so visitors can mingle with jazz musicians.

Whether you’re after a pub or a fantastic restaurant, you’re guaranteed to find something of everything. Being in a renowned foodie destination does throw a few budget issues into the pot, but don’t worry, The Italian Bowl bucks this trend with fresh food at reasonable prices. The best part about this is the interactive aspect, you can take your pick of pasta shape and sauce, because there’s nothing worse than being served up Penne with your Bolognese when your heart desired Gnochhi. There’s even more good news - you can bring your own bottle for $10. Mamma Mia. Mains from $10 www.theitalianbowl.com.au

9 - Midnight - Kings Cross

It’s no secret that Sydney’s nightlife is something to behold. Head to Kings Cross to experience it in all its glory.

It might be a little bit rough around the edges, but it’s all about becoming immersed in the reality. There are bars and clubs to cater for everyone, but make the night memorable by heading where the live music is. FBiPLACE, on level 2 of the Kings Cross Hotel, has live music every Thursday to Saturday.

With free entry every Saturday for ‘Hands Up!’, with DJ’s until the early morning, and some nights ‘by donation’, this is a very cheap night out.

Entry up to $10 www.fbiradio.com

By Emma Walker

Sydney in a day you say? Well, sort of. This jam packed schedule will ensure you catch a glimpse of all the important sites, even if it is during a ferry ride. Incorporating food, drink, and cultural and literal offerings, you have to discover the essence of Sydney to appreciate it. The problem with Sydney is…it’s expensive, it is a city after all and you may have to pay top dollar for most things. So, we’ve planned it all out for under $100 to save you some cash!

After all that chilling out, it’s time for a spot of exercise. Sydney is all about the outdoor lifestyle and this is your chance to embrace it on the 2.5km coastal path between Bondi Beach and Bronte. You can jog, skip or merely meander along for this scenic experience. From 24th October - 10th November 2013, Sculpture By The Sea, the world’s largest annual free outdoor sculpture exhibition is taking place along the walk, featuring over 100 sculptures by artists from Australia and across the world.

Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool Street Happy Hour 5-7pm $4 local beers, $5 premium beers, $4 house wine

The Soda Factory 16 Wentworth Ave, Surry Hills Mo Mondays - film screening that features a great moustache 5pm - 12am. $5 Tiger Beers & house wines, $25 share cocktails

Manly Wine 8-13 South Steyne, Manly Double ‘Steak Frites’ for $23

Tuesday Cargo Bar 52-60 The Promenade King Street Wharf $10 steaks with fries, salad & choice of sauce from 11.30am

Hinky Dinks 185 Darlinghurst Road, Darlinghurst, Trailer Park Tuesdays Jalapeño cheeseburger, a beer & selected shot of the day for only $20

Tea Gardens Hotel 2-4 Bronte Rd, Bondi Junction Songwriter competition with $500 prize from 7pm OR Trivia Tuesdays 7pm

Wednesday Bat & Ball 495 Cleveland St, Redfern $15 sirloin steaks Or Happy hour 3pm - 6pm

Gazebo 2 Elizabeth Bay Road Elizabeth Bay Parfait & Cheese Board to share $40

Sweethearts 33-37 Darlinghurst Rd, Potts Point $5 cheeseburgers 7-9pm (‘Supper Club’)

Thursday Coogee Bay Hotel 253 Coogee Bay Road, Coogee Chicken schnitzel with chips and salad $15 10am10pm Ping Pong $10 after 7pm Free pool all day

Kit & Kaboodle 33-37 Darlinghurst Road Kings Cross $10 cocktails all night

Newtown Hotel 174 King Street, Newtown Main meal and a ticket to any standard Dendy film screening for $20

Two Feet & A Heartbeat Tours Get to know the real city you live in with Two Feet & A Heartbeat. Their aim is to have people realise how awesome Australia is when you take the time to get to know it, and that’s exactly what they achieve. With tours in both Sydney and Perth, they believe in a contemporary approach to history, with every tour guide sharing stories of events and people that have been influential in shaping the city you see today.

If you think you know Sydney, think again. There are plenty of stories that have become obscured through word of mouth, but Two Feet & A Heartbeat wants you guys to know all the secrets and surprises, from colonial days and the convict era, and are more than happy to share them.

From historical tours to true crime tours and small bar tours, there’s plenty to learn and be involved in along the way. Tours start from $20pp, but all BBM readers will also receive a 10% online booking discount! Go ahead and book your tour today, just don’t forget to mention BBM when you make your booking online!

Terms & Conditions: 10% off any full price tour in Sydney or Perth (excluding When Rum Ran The Rocks and Tight Arse Tuesday). Attendees for the Small Bar Tours must be 18 years old or over. Discounts are valid until 1st February 2014. You must quote BBM when booking and paying online.

Friday The Office Hotel Cnr Kent and Erskine Streets $10 Pizzas $8 Cocktails all day and night

Palace Hotel Corner of George and Hay Street, Sydney $10 meal deals 11am-9pm OR Free prawn cutlets 5pm-6pm

Vasco 421 Cleveland St, Surry Hills Sydney’s first Italian rock bar!

Vasco hour 5pm7pm everyday

Saturday The Winery 285A Crown St Surry Hills Girls Picnic 123pm $45pp

Sunday The Workers 292 Darling Street $4 sliders, $4 ciders and ping pong competition

The Loft 3 Lime Street Traditional High Tea $40pp OR High The Wild Rover Tea with a Twist 75 Campbell $50pp includes Street, Surry Hills a Breakfast at Live Folk and Tiffany’s cocktail Bluegrass music or glass of 2.30-9pm OR Steak Chandon (from and Guinness 12pm) pasties only on Sundays.

Jacksons On George 176 George Street Happy Hour 5-7pm $5 Corona, $5 House Spirits, $10 Cocktail Jugs.

Lunacy DJs 9pm.

The Animal 174 King Street, Newtown $22 Sunday Roast The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday

www.bbmlive.com 15

MELBOURNE

$ 10 0 D a y A r o u n d To w n

Thanks to the diversity of its residents, Melbourne is a city with lots to discover, from the excitement of the Southbank to the tranquillity of its beautiful Royal Gardens, as well as markets and the eccentricity of the northside lanes. Find out how to experience a taste of the best the city has to offer in just one day, with just $100.

9 – 11am - Queen Victoria Market

Begin the day with a stroll around the Queen Victoria Market. This is a landmark in itself, as for over a century, visitors have explored the different offerings from artwork to flowers that are spread over two blocks. The best part? This visit conveniently coincides with breakfast, and there’s a huge selection of fresh produce to choose from if you want to eat on the go.

Alternatively, head to Invita Café; with a focus on organic food that rejuvenates the body, you’ll be fuelled up for the day ahead. £15 for Winter Porridge and Coffee www.qvm.com.au,

www.invita.com.au

11am – 12pm - City Circle Tram

Get your bearings of the city by riding the tram. This free service will give you a great overview of the city if you stay put for the whole circuit. With a running commentary of all the important sites, you’ll be clued up in no time.

Popular with tourists and locals alike, this service can be used to simply hop from one place to another to avoid the expense of a cab.

12 – 2pm - Eureka Skydeck

Head skyward with a visit to the Eureka Skydeck. At $18.50pp this activity is a fairly pricey one, but at 88 floors above the city, it’s one experience that can’t be missed. With stunning views of the whole of Melbourne, this is a popular tourist attraction for a good reason. $18.50 eurekaskydeck.com.au

2 – 4pm - Lunch

For lunch, head to the northside to experience the eclectic and arty character of the city. One thing this area stands out for is its Spanish tapas-style cuisine.

On Gertrude Street, you can pick from an array of different taste sensations.

Casa Ciuccio offers a ‘Donkey Express Lunch’, a choice of two courses and a glass of wine for $35pp that may persuade you to indulge in an afternoon tipple. www.casaciuccio.com.au

4 – 5pm - Shopping

You’re in the heart of all things alternative, so it’s time to explore the shops for some quirky vintage finds. Brunswick Street has an array of vintage clothing, furniture and books, so it’s a great place to pick up a totally unique souvenir at a good price.

5 – 7pm - Gardens

Shopping can exhaust even the most hardened explorers, so head away from the crowded lanes and enjoy a walk through the tranquil Royal Botanical Gardens. From Tuesday to Sunday in November, visitors can enjoy a free Spring Discovery Walk from one of the knowledgeable guides. www.rbg.vic.gov.au

7 – 9pm - Dinner

It’s dinner-time, so head to Lounge, located on Melbourne’s historical Swanston Street. Upstairs has the pub-style menu, where on Monday nights you ‘pay the time’, so if you order at 7pm, your dinner will cost $7! That’s a pretty impressive deal. $7 www.lounge.com.au

9 – 10pm - Southbank

10 – Midnight - Nightlife

Round off the day with a cocktail in Melbourne’s bar scene. There’s good news - even the swanky CBD has deals too good to refuse. Head to Charlie’s Bar, currently ranked No. 2 bar in Melbourne and No. 31 in the world on www.worldsbestbars.com.au, currently offering drinks deals almost every night, including $10 Martinis on a Saturday.

16 www.bbmlive.com

By Emma Walker

After dinner, wander along the Southbank for something scenic. With the lights reflecting off the Yarra River the city is showcased at night. With multiple street performers providing free entertainment, there’s a fantastic buzz in the evening that reflects the lively and eccentric nature of the city.

Southbank Promenade, Melbourne.

Mixing it up melbourne style Impress your friends, and your own taste buds, by becoming a master of cocktail making with one of Melbourne’s master classes. The bartenders who serve you your favourites are sharing their skills so that you can recreate the classics at home. Whip up a casual daiquiri for the delivery guy and wow your new neighbours with an array of fruity alcoholic delights.

Sounds good doesn’t it?

Mixology Masters At Your Service Mobile cocktail service Mixology Masters allows you to learn the art of mixing, stirring and shaking from the comfort of your own home, or any location you desire. Liven up your work do’s by bringing the cocktail maestros to your party and watch the boss let loose! With a focus on innovation, this is one class that will actually give you an added credibility. www.mixologymasters.com.au

Learn How To Host At The Apartment This course is especially designed to make sure guests leave armed with the know-how to throw their very own cocktail parties. By attending, you’re basically carrying out a public service, bringing exotic flavours to your nearest and dearest. First, the tools of the trade are explained so you’re no longer left staring blankly at that tiny sieve… Then the bartenders whip up five cocktails, with two made in bulk so guests can enjoy them – all for $45pp. The classic cocktails are tailored depending on the barman’s interpretation of the guests, so be good students or something sour might come your way. www.theapartment.com.au

Katuk This bar offers a two-hour course for $65pp, and for those who fancy learning the expert moves without the consequential hangover, you can join in with a mocktail for $40.

Once the session is over you’ll have a Pimm’s Cup, a Caprioska and a Sexy Pants creation at your fingertips. It’s worth it just for the priceless expression on your sombre Great Aunt’s face when you ask her if she’d like to try your Sexy Pants… www.katuk.com.au

Something Special At Back Bar The focus of this master class is interaction and fun, so if you’re looking for the party that comes with cocktails, this is for you. Guests are taught how to mix three different cocktails in this two-hour session, with a mixologist there to guide you with expert precision. What sets this class apart from others is the sense of an occasion, as $58pp gets guests their own private room, an arrival drink and antipasto and cheese platters. Perfect for something a bit special, as you can continue the night in the bar itself and sample a few more creations from the extensive cocktail menu. www.backbar.com.au

Tasty Treats At Transit Everyone enjoys an intense drinking session, so it’s lucky that this master class acknowledges that by giving three whole hours of expert teaching.

Hosted by Jackson Watson, the drinks expert from Transit’s downstairs fine dining neighbour Taxi Dining Room, this is like being taught by the headmaster.

At $49pp, there’s a nice variety too, with guests perfecting three cocktails; traditional, technical and a Transit signature, so you can quite literally bring Transit bar skills to any event.

Drinks With A Theme At Café Vue Café Vue embraces the creativity of the cocktail by hosting themed cocktail classes every Friday. The theme changes each month to keep things exciting, November being ‘Sporting Nation’ month.

This means guests are taught the essential recipes for classic drinks you would associate with sport, using famous sporting people and creating a drink that represents them. The Mike Tyson, The Lance Armstrong, Pimm’s and tennis, horse racing and champagne… the list is endless, which is very handy indeed when it comes to recreating everything you’ve learnt at home.

These nights are entire events in themselves, with five small courses by Vue de monde, matched with five cocktails by the Lui bar crew. The entire package costs $95pp, and reservations are essential. www.vuedemonde.com.au/vue

By Emma Walker, Images courtesy of Transit, Cafe Vue and Katuk

www.transitcocktaillounge.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 17

MELBOURNE The Workshop 1/413 Elizabeth Street Melbourne $8 Lasagne

Pugg Mahones 106 - 112 Hardware Lane Mad Mondays DJ Dubs from 10pm-3am OR $15 Mex Mondays Taco, Quesadilla and Corona

Tuesday St Kilda Beach House 109 Barkly Street St Kilda Killer Pool Competition

Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central/211 La Trobe Street Triple 8pm $8 bowling, $8 laser tag and $8 Jager

The Dan O’Connell Hotel Cross Keys Hotel 225 Canning St, 350 Pascoe Vale Carlton Rd, North Essendon Burger & Pot Happy Hour & $5 Special $16 plus Schooners Dolly’s Disco 4pm-7pm Bingo from 7.30pm

Wednesday

Thursday

The Precinct Hotel 60 Swan Street Richmond Express lunch $17.50 & drink 12-3pm

Turf Bar 131 Queen Street $20 Wagyu Burger & pot of Pure Blonde

Station 59, 59 Church St Richmond $12 Fish n Chips with drink purchase Free Comedy

The Carlton 193 Bourke Street $15 Free Range Chicken or Eggplant Parma + Potatoes with fries & salad 12pm - 3pm

The Penny Black, 420 Sydney Rd Brunswick $12 steak

Being stuck for something to do this summer can be an agonising prospect, and sometimes you just want to get out of the city and experience the vast, intimidating country. You’ll most likely find what you’re looking for at Melbourne Adventure Hub, where the guys have put the land to great use, with must-do activities at a very reasonable price.

If the $110pp white water rafting is out of your budget, you can always opt for white water kayaking on the Yarra River. At an easier pace, it’s also $30 cheaper for three whole hours and includes a free cellar door wine tasting at Rochford Wines – after you’ve had fun in the water, obviously.

What we would have to recommend though, is the outdoor rock climbing. Viewing Victoria’s marvellous landscape at its best, visitors can take on either the Brisbane Ranges, Werribee Gorge or Mt. Macedon, all less than an hour’s drive from the heart of the city.

Sitting atop Mt. Macedon lies the Camel’s Hump, a steep, craggy dome of lava where climbers can embark on different routes to reach the top. On the Camel’s Hump Track, there’s all sorts of adventure to be had and a whole three hours to do it in. Best of all, it’s much less than $100, at just $80pp.

So grab your mates, take an exhilarating climb, and be back in time for tea with money in your pocket.

18 www.bbmlive.com

Saturday

The Quiet Man Irish Pub 271 Racecourse Road, Flemington Live Irish contemporary acts from 9pm OR Wicked Cocktails $14.95 a jug from 7pm

Ding Dong Level 1 18 Market Lane Chinatown Midnight Run Discotheque

Robert Burns Hotel 376 Smith Street, Collingwood The place to go for traditional Spanish food! Relax after work with a selection of drinks for only $5 5-7pm

The Alchemist 361 Brunswick St Fitzroy Try some mystery ‘potions’ 5pm-1am

Melbourne Adventure Hub

Book your activity at: melbourneadventurehub.com.au

Friday

The Mitre Tavern 5 Bank Place Free Sausage Sizzle

The Kodiak Club 272 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy Enjoy tequila and alternative Mexican bites 7pm-3am

29th Apartment 29 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda Saturday Arvo $8 Nachos, $20 Beer Buckets 12-7pm.

Sunday Lucky Coq Cnr Chapel Street & High Street, Windsor $4 pizza til 11pm OR BBQ Free Blues Sunday Rooftop from 4pm

The Local Taphouse 184 Carlise Street, St Kilda Trivia from 7.30pm. Free entry

Brunswick Mess Hall 400 Sydney Rd, Brunswick Asia Boiler Maker Sunday from 4pm $10 beer and spirits

Gazi Fancy a bit of fun dining this month? Well then, head on down to Greek restaurant Gazi.

With a menu packed full of Greek treats, Gazi have re-imagined the lowly kebab and turned it into a luxurious treat. Sample any of the souvlaki on offer, and you’ll be sinking your teeth into succulent marinated beef brisket, chicken, duck or crab. Here you can enjoy charred flatbreads, roast bull-horn peppers with chargrilled cuttlefish, witlof, garlic dressing or crispy lambs brains, depending on how daring you’re feeling. For a real taste of Greece, order the Saganaki (fried cheese!) with a side of Horiatiki, or village salad to you and I. A main course will set you back around $9-$14 here, and with a lively atmosphere, it makes for the perfect place to go for group meals. With a great wine list, incorporating both Australian and Greek wines, you can even head to Gazi for a couple of drinks.

Not forgetting Greek food’s usual purpose of filling up slightly inebriated customer’s tummies, Gazi also does a take away service, so if you wish to try and stave off your hangover for the next day with a healthy dose of meat, salad and bread whilst walking home, this is certainly a good way to do it.

If you’re a bit stuck for what to do on Christmas Day, seeing as it’s fairly mild, you may well want to make it a Gazi Christmas as they’ll be throwing on a spread for $120 per person, which will no doubt fill you up as much as your standard day of turkey, Quality Streets and pigs in blankets! In fact, Gazi will be serving turkey from the spit and 12hour slow-roasted lamb - so stuff that usual old dry mess that we always try and pretend to our mothers tastes nice.

2 Exhibition Street, Melbourne gazirestaurant.com.au

The promotions in the calendar are subject to change at any point without notice. Please check with the venue/business that offers are still valid

Monday

Short Breaks Around

Australia

TRAVEL

As Christmas hits again like a giant mince pie to the face, some may be filled with dread at the thought of the frantic festivities that escort it – irritable shoppers, deafening carols on repeat, fat men trying to squeeze down your chimney… So if your idea of a merry Christmas is to get away from it all and experience something a little different this year, feast your eyes upon this list of alternative yuletide excursions.

Yacht around Whitsunday Island, Queensland

Why not indulge in a white Christmas this year – we’re talking sand though, not snow. The spectacular Whitehaven Beach, acclaimed for its crystal-clear waves and silky white sand, sits among the 74 islands that compose the Whitsundays.

Situated in the heart of the Great Barrier Reef and offering a feast of stunning landscapes, the Whitsundays are only a one-and-a-half-hour flight from Brisbane and provide frequent ferry services between their islands. Alternatively, hire your own yacht from ‘Sailfree’ (from $990 per night over Christmas dates) and charter yourself into waters unknown; equipped with state-of-the-art performance and a fully furnished kitchen, you could be chomping your turkey at sea this year!

Hike up to the Snowy Mountains, New South Wales

If you really do fancy a white Christmas, opt for a jaunt up the Snowy Mountains!

Noted for their unpredictable weather, December brings relatively mild temperatures – but there’s still a chance of snowfall! From the largest National Park in NSW, Kosciuszko, to the stunning views from the top of the peaks, you’re spoilt for choice with activities to partake in; whether you’re an adrenaline junkie seeking a mountain biking thrill or are more partial to a meander around a museum, the possibilities are limitless. At equal distance from Sydney and Melbourne, coming by car offers the best view, and a range of accommodation is available – so you can be as sociable or secluded as you wish!

native species of Australia – offers the perfect getaway. With more than a third of it declared Conservation or a National Park, the area also exhibits homegrown wine tasting, marine excursions, adventure caving and much more, with plenty of accommodation to suit all needs. Fly from Adelaide to the island in just 30 minutes, or ride on one of the two SeaLink ferries between Cape Jervis and Penneshaw KI. Then prepare to see wildlife as it was intended – in the wild.

Sleep beneath the stars at Longitude 131°, Northern Territory

For a truly unforgettable yuletide break, venture to the lavish Longitude 131° – an iconic eco-sensitive camp situated in the World Heritage-listed Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park. The park is located just 440km southwest from Alice Springs, offering you a stay of seclusion and serenity whilst sleeping in a stylish 5-star canopied suite beneath the stars. Watch the sun dip behind the horizon, dine on traditional Australian cuisine al fresco and embark on an exclusive tour to experience an authentic outback adventure – it’s all included in your stay, after all. A three night visit for two people (around the 21st December) is $1980, but enquire directly for prices over Christmas.

Go deep underground at White Cliffs, New South Wales

Want to really escape the Christmas crowds? Follow the residents of White Cliffs’ example and head underground. (Yes, you did read that right). Step back in time to the outback home of opal mining – and to a population living below your feet. White Cliffs is a 98km drive from the town of Wilcannia and includes the NSW outback for nature lovers, as well as nearby national parks, Mutawintji and Paroo-Darling. Book a stay at the Underground Motel from only $100 a night, and be sure to enjoy all that the unique town has on offer – especially the Opal Mining Tour!

Be at one with nature in Huon Vally, Tasmania

Calling all city escapists and nature enthusiasts, head down to the heart of Huon Valley this Christmas and surround yourself with nothing but peace and quiet. (And mountains, valleys, waterways and plenty of wildlife, of course).

A 40 minute drive from Hobart airport, the area encompasses the charm of a destination that time forgot spread across five main townships: Huonville, Franklin, Cygnet, Geeveston and Dover. Each provide a captivating history and diversity of pastimes for their visitors – especially the Tahune Forest AirWalk; a bridge suspended above the trees in Geeveston, offering photographers a breath-taking opportunity to capture the forest canopy below.

Escape the festive fast lane of life and take a tour of the Murray River, complete with your own privately rented houseboat! With Rich River Houseboats in Echuca, Victoria, you’ll only part with $3000 for a journey between the 22nd and 31st December, and can explore the 2,375km of the dazzling river at a leisurely pace. Sizzle a Christmas sausage on the BBQ as you glide down majestic waters, admiring the tranquil scenic surroundings, or pull into a sheltered dock for a picnic – the choice is yours. Either way, evade the stresses of everyday life with ease as you’re completely free to do Christmas just the way you like!

Hop over to Kangaroo Island, South Australia

Imagine awaking on Christmas morning to the sight of sea-lions basking on the pristine sands and pelicans gliding gracefully overhead. Sound like your idea of paradise? Well then Kangaroo Island – a location notorious for protecting the

By Chelsea Forsyth

Houseboat along the River Murray, South Australia

www.bbmlive.com 19

TRAVEL

Nullarbor Plain With wild camels roaming a desolate landscape, and not one tree breaking the horizon, a history of unsuccessful crossings of this torrid terrain pepper the Nullarbor Plain. Here we take a look into how you can make this ardous journey an adventure to remember.

If you’re thinking about embarking upon the Indian Pacific railway to explore the Nullarbor Plain it will take you around two days from Adelaide to Perth, or Perth to Adelaide. Travelling with Great Southern Rail along this route you’ll pass through Cook which is a small town on the Nullarbor Plain where you can get off and stretch your legs and Kalgoorlie where you might spot a few koalas along the way. Travelling by train, you’ll be able to take in the vastness of the Nullarbor Plain as the route will take you along the longest stretch of straight railway in the world, at a whopping 297 miles in length. The great thing about the Indian Pacific railway, is that it extends all the way to Sydney, so you can travel from Perth to Sydney in just three days, whilst taking in the views. Prices are flexible depending on the class you choose to travel in, and your travel dates, so do your research beforehand at www.greatsouthernrail.com.au.

If you decide to drive across the Nullarbor Plain, then be prepared for an adventure. You can choose to either camp along the way, or stop in at some of the motels and guest-houses along the way. During the drive you’ll pass vast cattle stations, and rugged coastline. Going it alone (without a tour group, we don’t literally mean go on your own, as you don’t want to turn into one of those “lost in the Outback for 30 days stories”) will mean you can take the trip at your own pace and go exploring along the way.

This region of Australia may look uninhabitable upon first inspection, but back in ye olde times, the land was used by semi-nomadic Aborigines, the Spinifex and Wangai people. Despite the harsh conditions of the Plain, European settlers were determined to cross it, and one interesting account comes in the form of Edward John Eyre who departed from Fowlers Bay, South Australia on 17th November 1840 with John Baxter and a group of three Aboriginal men. When three of his horses died of dehydration, he returned to Fowler’s Bay. However on his second attempt on 25th February 1841, the expedition descended into mutiny as supplies ran low as they approached Caiguna, two month’s into their journey, and two of the Aborigines killed Baxter and took the party’s supplies. Eyre and the third Aborigine, known as Wylie, continued on their journey, surviving through the means of bushcraft and the fortunate occurrence of receiving some supplies from a French whaling vessel anchored at Rossiter Bay. They finally completed their crossing in June 1841, four months later.

Fast-forward to 2013 and you can cross the Nullarbor in just six days if you book on to one of the many tours available. Most tours will begin in Perth, and travel through Norseman, Balladonia, Caiguna, Madura, Border Village and Ceduna. Similarly, if you’re starting off in Adelaide, Greyhound tours offer a 10-day tour, where you’ll sleep under the stars in swags. This particular tour will take you through the Flinders Ranges and Gawler Ranges, Eyre Peninsula, Coodlie Park, The Great Australia Bight and Koonalda Homestead, the Nullarbor, Eucla, Newman Rocks, Esperance, Stirling Ranges, Shannon National Park and Perth. The price tag for this particular tour is pretty hefty at around $1495, but your meals are also included in this, and you’ll get to see so much in just 10 days, making it the perfect way to travel from South Australia to Western Australia. Visit www.greyhound.com.au for more information.

20 www.bbmlive.com

You can also explore Fraser Range located between Norseman and Balladonia.

An oasis of hardwood eucalyptus forests with blackbutts, salmon gums and gimlets (those are types of trees to you and I) you can really witness a slice of “real Australia” here.

However you choose to explore the Nullarbor Plain, remember to shop around and find the right tour for you, and if you’re going to road trip it, remember to pack plenty of supplies!

By Fanny Frangipane

Situated in the south of Western Australia and bordering South Australia, the Nullarbor Plain takes its name from the sheer lack of trees across the 200,000 square kilometres that this area covers. This collosal expanse of land is home to the Eyre Highway, which is considered one of the country’s best road trips that you can take, but if driving isn’t your thing, you can sit back and relax as you take the transcontinental railway line, used by the Indian Pacific train. The Nullarbor Plain stretches between Norseman in Western Australia and Ceduna in South Australia, and at its widest point it is approximately 1,200 kilometres.

Whilst embarking on this trip you can view the Bunda Cliffs, which are considered the sixth most dramatic cliffs in the world – so they’ll certainly make for some impressive snaps! Travel here at the right time of year (June – October) and you may even spot a southern right whale. At up to 49 ft long, and their testicles weighing up to 500 kgs each, that’s definitely one to tick off your Attenborough commentary list!

Oz Vs UK

You may have come to Australia to escape the UK, but there are many landmarks around this beautiful country that are reminiscent of Old Blighty. The only difference here is that they’re more likely to be soaked in sunshine...

Whitehaven Beach vs Rhossili Bay Whitehaven Beach is a 7km stretch of coast on the island of Whitsunday. The sand here is 98% silica and is so perfect that it has even been used by NASA for the Hubble Telescope, and is illegal for anyone to remove it purposely from the beach.

Vs. Whilst the sand may not be so white, Swansea’s Rhossili Bay has got an equally stunning sweeping coastline. The Welsh beach is a favourite for surfers, and was even voted 8th best beach in the world on Trip Advisor’s 2013 Traveller Awards.

The Blue Mountains vs The Scottish Highlands

The Blue Mountains, approximately 50km from Sydney, attract thousands of visitors all year round due to the blue haze that hovers above the dense population of eucalyptus trees.

Vs. The Highlands are an extremely historic part of Scotland, with its distinction from the Lowlands dating back to the later Middle Ages. It is also home to the UK’s highest mountain, Ben Nevis.

Cape Otway Lighthouse vs Start Point Lighthouse

Cape Otway’s lighthouse is the oldest in Australia, erected in 1848 in Cape Otway National Park. The lighthouse stands at one of the most southern points of the country, along Victoria’s Great Ocean Road.

Vs. Start Point Lighthouse in Devon is an 1838 grade II listed building, relatively young in comparison to some of the 2000-year-old Roman lighthouses that still stand around the country.

The Twelve Apostles vs Giant’s Causeway

Lake Argyle vs Lake Windermere Australia’s largest expanse of freshwater, Lake Argyle lies in the remote region of The Kimberley, Western Australia, surrounded by a billion-year-old rugged landscape. An area of 900 square km, it has become a precious ecosystem for wildlife.

Vs. Lake Windermere in Cumbia is the largest natural lake in England, at 10.5 miles long and 219 feet deep, and was formed 13,000 years ago. It now lies surrounded by the foothills of the Lake District.

By Catriona Harvey-Jenner

The Twelve Apostles are intimidating limestone rock formations scattered off the Victorian coastline, a result of erosion due to the Southern Ocean weather, and are a popular spot along the Great Ocean Road.

Vs. Giant’s Causeway in County Antrim, Ireland, consists of roughly 40,000 interlocking basalt columns. Storytellers believe it is the remains of the bridge that Irish giant Finn McCool built to link Ireland to Scotland.

www.bbmlive.com 21

TRAVEL

The Land Before Time Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, Australia was smothered in a thick rainforest. There are still remnants of this today - flora and fauna working together over hundreds of millions of years to provide dark secrets and hidden wonders for the budding explorer. Take a peep with us before you embark on the incredible journey within...

Daintree, Queensland The world’s oldest living tropical rainforest, Daintree dates back a staggering 160 million years and contains animals and plants that have never been beyond the warm climate.

Catch a glance of a platypus or northern tiger quoll, or go in search of the endangered cassowary, with its striking blue neck and impressive crown, all vitally protected within this World Heritage site.

Accessible from Cairns, Port Douglas, Cape Tribulation and Cooktown, hiking trails are plentiful but guided tours and safaris are important to learn about the precious ecosystem and conservation efforts. Cooper Creek Wilderness embarks on day and night tours in a significant portion of the rainforest.

Wildlife activity changes dramatically when the sun sets, so the Nocturnal Wildlife Tour ($55pp) is a must to observe animal behavior under moonlight. If you want the full-on experience, the Day & Night Package combines the Nocturnal Wildlife Tour and daytime Cooper Creek Wilderness Tour, as well as an evening meal, to showcase every aspect of jungle life, for $245pp.

On the north border of Daintree sits Jungle Surfing, a unique tour of the rainforest that sees you fitted into a harness and fly through the treetops (start practicing your Tarzan impression now), landing on five platforms along the way, at $90pp. If this wasn’t enough, spend the night in the rainforest, surrounded by fern trees and water lillies, with just the night-time calls of the wild to keep you company. From treetop lodging to eco accommodation, take full appreciation of the rainforest while it becomes your home for the evening.

Border Ranges National Park, New South Wales Part of the Gondwana Rainforests of Australia World Heritage Area, Border Ranges National Park is a protected wilderness brimming with unique nature and opportunities in over 31,000 hectares.

Walking tracks are spread throughout, ranging from easy to challenging, but all providing the essence of a subtropical rainforest. The Booyong Trail is one of the toughest, from Sheepstation Creek campground to Forest Tops campground, but rewards you with brilliant booyong trees, lush vegetation and bird watching opportunities, including the green catbird or black-breasted button-quail. Listen out for the hip-pocket frog, also known as the marsupial frog due to its pouches for carrying its young.

Picnicking and BBQ’s are welcome here; a great spot for a break is Brindle Creek. Shaded and cool, you may find yourself surrounded by scurrying animals and insects busy looking for their own grub. Provided BBQ’s can be found further down Brindle Creek at the Antarctic Beech picnic area.

The adjoining walk also features waterfalls and swimming holes, so you won’t be sitting around for long.

22 www.bbmlive.com

Kakadu, Northern Territory You can expect all kinds of terrain in Kakadu National Park, stretching from coastal plains to rocky ground, and a green haven of monsoon rainforest. Following the wet season, hundreds of kilometres of floodplains are filled with shallow water, which draw in a surge of plant and animal life, including waterbirds and crocodiles. When the land begins to dry, such wildlife heads for permanent water holes and rivers. Throughout the year, you can expect to see the magpie goose, the jabiru, the green pygmy goose, the Burdekin duck and the godwit.

Kakadu’s monsoon forest is chockfull with gorges, waterfalls and pools. A fascinating attraction is the Jim Jim Falls, reached only by 4WD in the dry season. A 250-metre drop into the cool plunge pools below, visitors can enjoy a two-kilometre walk through monsoon forest and climbing over boulders before arriving at the spectacle. The falls can be witnessed only by a scenic helicopter ride during the wet season.

South-west of Jim Jim Falls lies Twin Falls Gorge, both of which contain warnings for estuarine crocodiles. Koolpin Gorge, Gunlom Falls and East Alligator River are also too good to miss, with clean waters and idyllic surroundings, and you will probably get to have these locations all to yourself, as only a few people are permitted to reach the attractions at one time.

Animals of the Australian Rainforests Hip Pocket Frog

Say hello to the marsupial amphibian. Found within the leaves on the rainforest floor and heard by its distinctive croak, the male of this species carries its young in pouches, which can be found on each hip. After the female lays the eggs in damp sand, the male guards them until they hatch as finless white tadpoles, and then rears them in the pockets for seven to ten weeks while they grow into cute little froglets!

Platypus

Everyone’s heard of platypuses, but what do you really know about them? They’re the only egg-laying mammals in the world and live by freshwater rivers and lakes, so the secluded waterholes of a rainforest are the perfect habitat.

They are brilliant swimmers, capable of staying underwater for up to 10 minutes, and scour for insects and worms by using their wide bill as a spade to turn up mud. A male platypus contains venom that can seriously harm humans and even kill a small dog, often used to attack predators and other male platypuses during mating season.

Spotted Catbird

Found only in the tropical north of Queensland, these bold green birds live in pairs, of which male and female are identical, and maintain their bonds year after year, raising their young together. They can be heard wailing at dusk and dawn, producing a sound that resembles the meowing of a cat. While they feed mainly on fruit, seeds and insects, the parents have been known to snatch eggs and tear apart other young birds.

www.bbmlive.com 23

TRAVEL Gippsland, Victoria

All four seasons wrapped into one location, Gippsland supplies snowboarding for the winter sportsfan, and white sandy beaches for the less adventurous. Those that want to go searching, climbing and wandering through the heart of Gippsland, will want to head deep into the forests, where you will find wet, cool, dry and warm climates.

Tarra Bulga National Park is perfectly refreshing in the summer, but is at its most beautiful during the winter months.

Lush moist gullies and huge Mountain Ash trees take up the surroundings, with picnic spots dotted here, there and everywhere and song birds providing an atmospheric soundtrack. The Lyrebird, Pilot Bird and Yellow Robin are whistling residents, so walk as quiet as you can to hear their tune. There’s an abundance of bushwalks, including the journey over Corrigan Suspension Bridge that hangs above the fern gully below. Tarra Bulga Picnic Area supplies all you could need for a relaxing lunch, including tables, toilets and BBQ facilities. Just a short walk away lies the picturesque Tarra Falls and Cyathea Falls.

The McKenzie River Rainforest Walk within Bemm River Scenic Reserve presents everything worth seeing and hearing, including the McKenzie River, swing bridges and majestic birdcalls. The Errinundra Saddle Rainforest Walk takes visitors under the rainforest canopy, over small streams, and between ferns and fungi. All walks are accessible and easy to finish, but may be disrupted in the winter due to actual snowfall!

If you want to see Gippsland’s rainforests at a faster pace, grab a mountain bike and cruise down Tyers Junction Rail Trail or simply relax with a scone by the Tarra River at Tarra Valley Caravan Park “Fernholme”.

A skip and a jump off the Australian mainland lies Tasmania, 10% of which is smothered in a thick layer of cool, temperate rainforest. Much more open and darker than tropical ones, with a green moss growing on the tree trunks, the silence creates an eerie chill that may be hard to shake off. Don’t be put off though – there’s still plenty of adventure to be had.

Like the border between New South Wales and Queensland, evidence of the Gondwana continent is prominent during a journey through the Tarkine Rainforest, west Tasmania. A tour with Tarkine Trails will take you through the heart of the forest, by foot or vehicle, with or without accommodation. Your participation in these tours will fund research into the threats to flora and fauna, including the renowned Tasmanian devil, and get you to grips with the wilderness and isolation of such a place.

Walks in the Tarkine are decorated by Myrtle and Sassafras trees, as well as the McGowan Falls and Tarkine Falls. These are little known, remote gems, so you’re likely to be alone while enjoying the tranquil beauty of them. The Warra Falls, a stream of the Arthur River on Warra Creek, is possibly the most beautiful, cascading down horizontal sedimentary rock believed to be the old seabed pushed up by huge earthquakes over 200 million years ago.

Covered in a green, small fern carpet, the formation is most visible in the dry season when the stream thins.

If you’re feeling romantic, the glow worm display around Lovers Falls is incredible, and its 30m vertical drop is only accessible by kayak or canoe, making it your own private romantic getaway.

24 www.bbmlive.com

Words by Charlotte Mellor. Images courtesy of: Rob Blakers, Tourism NT and Tourism Australia and Frogs of Australia.

Tarkine, Tasmania

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS Each month we bring you the best in travel essentials that we’ve tried and tested.

From gadgets to cosmetics, here are the best buys for this month!

Earth Science Travel Deep Conditioning Mask This mask is a saviour to every strand of dry, damaged hair in need of a bit of TLC. This is Earth Science, not rocket science! Apply a pea-size amount and let the natural silk protein work its magic for five minutes before washing it out to reveal soft, smooth hair. $6.60 available from www.amazon.co.uk

Quadra Hydro Belt Bag

Travel with ease safe in the knowledge that all of your essentials are strapped securely to your waist. With fully adjustable straps, this belt bag has a headphone port for easy listening and a water bottle holder for when you’re discovering the desert! OK, that might be an exaggeration, but at just $12.08, this bag is a bargain as a lifestyle solution. $12 available from www.universal-textiles.com

Ginvera Exfoliating Marvel Gel and BB Nude Cover Cream A gentle gel that cleans the skin without the use of abrasives or messy beads, and a BB cream that creates a flawless coverage while protecting the wearer with SPF30. In handy 25ml bottles, these are perfect travel products for keeping up a skincare regime while on the move.

ZIP Headphones

We’ve all been through it – you find your headphones at the bottom of your bag and somehow they’ve got as tangled as Michael Flatley’s legs. How long do you spend unraveling them? 10, 15 minutes?

Now imagine how much time you could save with these Zip Headphones. Featuring a zipper cable, two sizes of silicone ear tips and a choice of pink, orange or black, these nifty little things are perfect for travelling.

When in use, the cables can be unzipped to whatever length you prefer, and then when you’re done with them, just zip them up and pop them in your bag or your pocket. Take it from us – they lasted all day without getting tangled!

With such a focus on design, the sound quality has been somewhat neglected, so don’t expect it to be crystal clear surround sound.

However, at just $21.85, they’re a hell of a lot cheaper than other brands! $21.85 available from www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk

Braun MobileShave

With summer heating up the Australian coastline to temperatures we all know and love, it’s the right time for fellas to get rid of their winter coat of hair.

But with the amount of essentials the average traveller is already carrying in a backpack, space is always an issue.

The experts at Braun have thought long and hard about this and have developed a nifty little gadget, so even travellers can stay smooth on the move!

Complete with their revolutionary trademark SmartFoil technology so you don’t leave one strand out of place, the MobileShave comes in two different models (M-60b and M-90), a compact design and is completely washable under running water. The M-90 even includes the Precision Trimmer to keep a moustache and sideburns in good check.

The size of this shaver is so small, it can fit right into jeans pockets. Now, no traveller has the excuse to compete with Bigfoot in the facial hair department!

From $30 available from www.amazon.com.au

Get the beauty combo for $58.48 available from www.janiro.co.uk

TIKI USB Microphone A great little buy for anyone that skypes their loved ones, the Tiki USB Microphone turns noisy dorm rooms and cafes into quiet Internet booths. Not only does it have noise-cancelling technology, it also contains voice isolation capability and intelligent mute, so you can enjoy exceptional clarity during Skype conversations.

This neat little gadget can be put in two modes: Intelligent Speech Mode for communication and Recording Mode for podcasts to have a CD quality. This means that your voice is picked up, while everything around you is reduced.

So, wherever you are, you can be sure to be heard loud and clear. $71.86 available from www.amazon.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 25

GLOBAL WATCH

Jet Away To The Philippines This month, we look at what you can expect from jumping across to Asia and celebrating Christmas, Filipino style... to for some wild partying on the beach and eating amazing seafood with the sand between your toes.

A great hostel to stay in is ‘Frendz Resort Borocay’ which has the best beach location as it’s only two minutes’ walk from the White Beach’s buzzing nightlife! They have awesome little bungalows with verandas; just book in advance as the festive period means it’ll get uber busy.

The natural landscape of the Philippines means that there is so much to explore and do! Another popular tourist destination is the province of Bohol. It is home to the Chocolate Hills which is an incredible geological formation of over 1,000 hills that has made the UNESCO World Heritage List. The best time for trekking is in the dry season when the hills have turned super brown, hence its name! Bohol is also the home of the Tarsiers: the world’s smallest primate. The strange-looking creatures are bred and protected at the Tarsier Visitors Centre, which is a must-see!

The Philippines is a stunning archipelago made up of roughly 7,107 islands and is full of friendly locals, flawless beaches, delicious (and cheap!) food and culture galore. It’s not attached to the tourist circuit of south-east Asia, so unfortunately it’s easy to miss when on the usual travelling trail. The plus is that it means tourism is relatively low so you don’t have to venture far to find quiet deserted beaches.

Don’t worry that you’ll miss out on the festive feeling by being in Asia. Unlike the majority of south-east Asia, the Philippines is 90% Christian and they celebrate Christmas to the max! They go all out with passionate celebrations that begin on 19th December. Nine days of dawn mass proceed the big day and they don’t hold back on the decorations or random sporadic carol singing. Tinsel, lights and star-shaped ‘parols’ (the Filipino festive symbol) adorn the streets – it’s enough to make even the biggest of scrooges succumb to a bit of festive cheer!

The capital city, Manila, is where the majority of visitors fly into. It’s a big, busy, crazy Asian city that many debate whether it’s a place to stick around in.

It’s best to book a place to sleep ahead of arrival as there isn’t a bountiful amount of hostels. The guesthouses are quite expensive due to the fact that tourism isn’t massive (yet), and the really cheap ones aren’t the most comfortable. Or clean.

26 www.bbmlive.com

A great hostel in Manila is ‘Our Melting Pot’ which has dorms and private rooms at good prices. ‘Pink Manila Hostel’ is a fun hostel that has a pool, gym, panoramic terrace views and hammocks on the roof!

With so many islands in the archipelago, it is understandable that there’s an abundance of seafood available. Manila hosts numerous Dampa (Wet Markets) where you can choose the latest seaside catches and the vendors cook it up in front of you. There are several in and around Manila, but the largest is on Macapagal Avenue. It’s definitely something to experience!

With the Spanish era of occupation still retaining a strong foothold in their culture, they continue to fiesta with feasts that will feed you to within an inch of your life! There’s the big feast on Christmas Eve called ‘Noche Buena” and the food that’s served is amazing enough to make you forget the West’s traditional turkey and trimmings. Many tourists have stigmatised Filipino food as bland, but you need to know where to go to get the good stuff. Traditional Filipino cuisine has a range of influences that span from Malay and Chinese to Spanish and Mexican, and there are definitely some dishes that must be tried when visiting. Chicken Adobo is chicken cooked with vinegar, soy sauce, garlic and bay leaves and is a dish that is highly cherished by the locals! Be sure to try Kare-Kare (Oxtail in peanut sauce) and if you’re feeling daring, try the delicacy Balut (boiled duck egg embryo).

A Christmas break on a tropical island sounds like the perfect way to spend the festive season, and many head over to the Island of Boracay. It has a famously stunning beach called “White Beach” which hosts an intense load of restaurants and clubs on the 4km length of beach. It is the place to head

There are other amazing spots for both snorkelling and diving in the Philippines, such as Malapascua and Apo, and so many adrenaline activities are available!

Surfing, rafting, kayaking and wakeboarding can all be found. Siargao Island is the top place to hit up for surfing as it’s heavily influenced by the Pacific Ocean’s winds and currents. It definitely produces some seriously gnarly waves.

The mountains of north Luzon hold Banaue, which is famous for its beautiful rice terraces, which is commonly referred to by Filipinos as the eighth wonder of the world. Believed to be built by hand, these incredible terraces rise approximately 1500m above sea level and cover 6000 square miles. It is still used today to grow rice and vegetables, and is an amazing sight to behold. Tours run by ‘Rice Terraces Banaue’ allow you to fully explore the extent of the terraces.

The Philippines is easily accessible from Australia.

Although flights will always be a tad pricey around this time of year, the best priced flights will be with budget airlines Air Asia or Tiger Air. Jetstar also have frequent flights. Melbourne/Sydney to Manila is just over 8 hours, Perth to Manila is 7 hours, but Darwin to Manila is under 5 hours. It’s so close!

Keep an eye out for promotional sales as you can sometimes snap up a bargain! There’s so much more to do in the Philippines, it’s a challenge to condense it down into a nutshell, so head over for a Christmas break to remember!

By Sophie Saint

“Christmas is coming; the goose is getting fat…”

You know the rest and who wants to do the same old Christmas that everyone’s used to? The glory of being based in Australia is that Asia is quite literally on your doorstep. So when the festive period comes a-jingling round and the halls are getting decked in holly, why not give your Christmas an Asian twist and hop on a plane to the beautiful Philippines?

Another great place to get up close and personal with wildlife is the Island of Donsol. Once the world got wind of its incredible population of Whalesharks, it became a top location to come and snorkel with the marine giants. Head to the Visitors Centre to organise your boat trip, or call ahead and book a boat in advance during busy periods. The ‘Woodland Beach Resort’ has dorms available (plus an infinity pool!) and is within walking distance from the Whaleshark Interaction Centre.

GLOBAL WATCH

A Night To Remember...

Live Music On The Amalfi Coast, Italy

New Year’s Eve is always a special night, but why not make it a little more spectacular by spending it somewhere amazing during the holidays. Here’s a few places that really go to town when the clock strikes midnight...

Positano, a little town on the stunning Amalfi Coast in Italy, is renowned for its particular charm. Seemingly arising from the sea below with its multicoloured houses and cobbled streets, this is the perfect backdrop for explorers. Head to Caffe Pistano for some fresh seafood then enjoy a night of live music that will be the soundtrack of your memories of this magical setting. There are sure to be some spectacular fireworks, and from this location, you’ll be able to witness them all.

Reykjavik, Iceland

Amsterdam, Netherlands Reykjavik embraces community spirit come New Year, so enjoy a night with those closest to you, or if you’re on a solo trip, head for the nearest village and attempt to blend in. In each quarter of the city, neighbours meet at a large bonfire while watching numerous firework displays. Later on, things go up a notch, with locals meeting in Reykjavik’s small downtown area to enjoy a few drinks to see in the New Year with a party atmosphere, with live music in most bars until at least 5am.

Subsix, Maldives

The Maldives is renowned for its glorious underwater world, but the discovery of it no longer has to be through snorkelling. Now you can literally party under the sea at the world’s first underwater nightclub, Subsix. With glass walls, guests can dance the night away amongst the tropical fish in a totally unique setting. Being under the sea might usually leave you gasping for air, but at Subsix, you’re more likely to be sipping cocktails.

28 www.bbmlive.com

Amsterdam on New Year’s Eve? This is a no brainer. It’s a city that needs no excuse to party anyway, so when there really is a reason, Amsterdam delivers. Celebrations begin as early as 29th December, when most of us are still recovering from Christmas dinner. The multiple firework displays are a big tourist attraction, and therefore you should expect huge crowds for the entire night as the city is transformed into a street party that is off the scale. For the real action, head to Dam Square, where there’s live music and beer tents to keep spirits high. And once the clock hits 12, head to Tik Tak at the Heineken Music Hall for the ultimate Amsterdam experience. Be quick though - early bird tickets have already sold out.

Jazz River Cruise, Prague Take the civilised route with this Jazz cruise along the River Price, including a hot and cold buffet dinner and live entertainment.

The dress code is smart/casual, as the cruise is luxurious without being overly formal. Revellers can still enjoy a good drink to limber themselves up, as the tempo increases towards midnight, by which point the boat is positioned

by Charles Bridge in full view of the stunning firework display. At approximately $160 per person, this isn’t a bad price for a sophisticated evening that also doubles as a night time sightseeing tour.

Jemaa El Fna, Morocco This packed square in Marrakesh provides 24-hour entertainment, with market stalls and an abundance of bars and restaurants to occupy daytime visitors. It’s at night however, when it evolves into something really special. Street musicians take over in the evening, their lutes and banjos creating an otherworldly atmosphere. This provides the perfect soundtrack to immerse yourself in the experience, so have your fortune read under the stars and listen to storytellers, as snake charmers work their magic on the next corner.

A Symphony Of Lights, Hong Kong

Despite not being the Chinese New Year, thanks to its cosmopolitan nature, Hong Kong still puts on a show. At midnight there’s a spectacular fireworks display and the famous Symphony of Lights is transformed with a stunning light show that provides the perfect backdrop to begin an unforgettable night. A Symphony Of Lights allows every visitor to have a breath-taking memory of Hong Kong, because this show doesn’t exclude; simply find a good vantage point, sit back and enjoy. Although the show takes place daily throughout the year, on New Year’s Eve, it turns into something extra special.

By Emma Walker

A Symphony Of Lights, Hong Kong

www.bbmlive.com 29

WHAT’S TRENDING

Beach Party Celebrating New Year’s Eve on the beach is a highlight for every traveller in Australia. Whether chilling with your new friends and a guitar or attending the Full Moon Party on Magnetic Island, one thing’s for sure: you’ve got to look the part, and you can do just that with these fantastic buys...

.

3

4.

5.

9.

7.

Keep your spot on the beach all day and night with this nifty towel!

These Aviators are a summer staple.

8.

1.

2.

6.

11.

For Him...

1. Hayes Three Stripe Tee $59 available from www.marcs.com.au 2. Life’s A Beach Vest $26.80 available from www.riverisland.com 3. Men’s Boat Shoes in Herringbone Canvas $46 available from www.asos.com 4. Men’s Ray-Ban Aviator Sunglasses $282 available from www.asos.com 5. O’Neill Boardshorts $83.59 available from www.topman.com 6. Reserved Beach Towel $33.50 available from www.gonecrabbing.co.uk 7. Snapback Cap $20.11 available from www.burton.co.uk 8. Southcape Denim Ribbed Waist Roll Up $59.99 available from www.ezibuy.com.au 9. Villain ‘Jacob’ Denim Shirt $100.40 available from www.topman.com 10. Woods Floral Swim Shorts $89 available from www.marcs.com.au 11. Navy Slip On Espadrilles $16.82 available from www.riverisland.com 12. Blue Delta Tribe Cosmic Psych T-Shirt $50.45 available from www.riverisland.com

30 www.bbmlive.com

12.

10.

11.

15.

1.

For Her...

1. Illusion Dress Aloha Leopard $249 available from www.maidenlove.net 2. Aloha Leopard Bag $395 available from www.maidenlove.net 3. Cord Shorts $119 available from www.maidenlove.net 4. Fawn Flat Sandals $40 available at www.asos.com 5. Floral Necklace $69 available from www.marcs.com.au 6. Gold Chain Bracelet $16.79 available from www.missselfridge.com 7. Gone Skinny Dipping Beach Towel $33.50 available from www.gonecrabbing.co.uk 8. Maidenlove Michelle Jumpsuit $179 available from www.theiconic.com.au 9. Moontide Camoleaf Fold Down Skirt Pant $64.99 and Freedom Bandeau $89.99 available from www.aussieswimstore.com 10. Moontide Spots ‘n’ Stripes Balconette $89.99 and Pant $74.99 available from www.aussieswimstore.com 11. Neo Print Bikini $63 available from www.asos.com 12. Raleigh Top $169 available from www.maidenlove.net 13. Tenki Lips Print Skirt $31.87 available from www.newlook.com 14. Laurent Cross Over Platforms $94 available from www.topshop.com 15. Straw Floppy Hat $27 available at www.asos.com

12.

Mixing prints is not only bang on trend, it will also make you the life and soul of the party.

6.

13.

14.

5.

10.

2.

3.

9.

8.

d in goo Invest mer! m this su

4.

ear swimw

7.

www.bbmlive.com 31

MUSIC NEWS

One To Watch 18-year-old Chloe Howl carves out Pop with an edge.

Her sound is quirky and cute but listening to her lyrics will expose what lies beneath the surface; there’s a heck of a lot of soul down there too.

Some might argue that she’s already pretty well established, having been signed to Columbia two years ago and her debut single ‘No Strings’ garnering nearly 500,000 hits on youtube already, but there’s definitely still a lot to come from this little lady. With an album out next year and gigs a-plenty in the pipeline, the name on everyone’s lips will soon be Chloe Howl.

Top Podcasts, Radio & Sets Paul van Dyk’s VONYC Sessions Podcast

Your weekly dose of Paul van Dyk’s radio show, otherwise known as VONYC Sessions. Although only a 30 minute extract of the original two hour show, it’s the ultimate listening tool for lovers of all-things House music.

Available on iTunes

Danny Avila – Ready To Jump Podcast

Spanish wonder kid Danny Avila takes the time to trawl the ever-expanding Dance music scene to ensure listeners are given the best the genre has to offer by selecting only the hottest tracks around, all in one podcast.

Available on iTunes

Dannic Presents Front Of House Radio

Dannic presents his monthly radio show Front of House Radio. Packed full of fresh tracks, one-off edits and brilliant mash-ups, this podcast takes you directly to the best House/Techno/Drum and Bass music.

Available on iTunes

Single Reviews Charli XCX – Superlove Synth-packed ‘Superlove’ comes to us straight from the mouth of Pop wunderkind, Charli XCX; a bright young thing who’s currently making big waves on the music scene. You’ll recognise her from Icona Pop’s infectious ‘I Love It’ but this solo single is set to make sure she can go it alone. With an 80’s-tastic video and plenty of beats to bump to, ‘Superlove’ is energetic Dance-Pop perfection.

Fractures – Cadence Moody and haunting ‘Cadence’ is Fractures’ newest offering.

Coming from their debut EP, which is set to be released in early 2014, it details the longing felt for another in a situation where the love is not returned. Depressing stuff, yes, but definitely satisfying to wallow in. Give it a listen if you’re after a Radiohead-esque experience with a more polished edge.

Sterling Silver – Sweet Talk Australian singer/producer Sterling Silver have released their latest track in the form of sugary-sweet single, ‘Sweet Talk’.

80s-infused synth accompanies catchy chord changes galore which provides a chirpy backdrop to the single’s charming narrative. A perfect ‘sunny-day-tune’ with plenty of personality and spark. Don your lycra leggings and prepare to move like mad to this groovy little tune.

ManBuyCow Podcast

This quirky and intriguing podcast follows friendly pair Rufus and Howard as they attempt to create a podcast, despite life getting in the way. Join them for random chats, sketches, songs and much more!

Available on iTunes

Dirty Dutch Radio

Dirty Dutch Radio is a weekly show lead and compiled by head honcho Chuckie. Dirty Dutch Radio wastes no time exposing the most explosive new tracks in the House, Electro and Techno scene.

Available on iTunes

Third Party Podcast

Dedicating a whole hour to the best upcoming and established Dance music, Third Party Podcast takes listeners on an exciting journey through some of the best Electronic tracks from around the globe.

Available on iTunes

The Explosive Alan Podcast

A gamer’s heaven. In this comedic podcast Dan, Ash, Gareth and Simon jabber on about the latest video games they’re playing and attempt to out-do each other in hilarious weekly challenges.

Available on iTunes

Electro Kicks Podcast

Electro Kicks is the weekly podcast from All Lights On. If Electro music is your thing you can’t go wrong with this punchy Dance music podcast. New and old tracks are all included so there’s something for everyone.

Available on iTunes

MAKJ Presents: Revolution Radio

Here, MAKJ compiles a selection of the best chart and underground music. From big well-known names to the obscure, this weekly podcast is completed with exclusive edits and previews of MAKJ’s upcoming releases.

Available on iTunes

Bargrooves Podcast

This well-produced, well-compiled podcast features inspiring and classic tunes amongst brand new ones.

Celebrating the glamorous and chic club culture, Bargrooves is the perfect podcast for re-living the night before.

Available on iTunes

32 www.bbmlive.com

Vampire Weekend Reveal Sydney And Melbourne Tour Dates

Unless you’ve been living in solitary confinement or have avoided the Indie music scene since 2005, you’ll undoubtedly know that Indie gurus Vampire Weekend have made a pretty solid name for themselves after topping the charts with foot-tapping hits from their unbeatable albums, ‘Vampire Weekend’, ‘Contra’ and 2013’s ‘Modern Vampires of the City’.

In the wake of their headlining slots in Australia at Falls Festival in December 2013, the band will reside temporarily Down Under as they prepare to play to crowds in both Melbourne and Sydney.

Swinging by Festival Hall, Melbourne, on 6th January 2014, the foursome will round off in Sydney’s Hordern Pavillion on 8th January for a show-stopping finale.

Album Reviews Cage The Elephant have returned with their third studio album, ‘Melophobia’. With it comes a Bluesy, Rock and Roll sound that is distinctively Cage The Elephant.

Album opener ‘Spiderhead’ has the characteristics we’ve all come to expect; heavily distorted vocals and anthemic, building choruses a-plenty. But, in fact, most tracks on ‘Melophobia’ do.

The definition of melophobia is an aversion to music and although ‘Melophobia’ is packed full of IndieRock-with-a-hint-of-Country, it does seem a bit one dimensional, almost as if Cage The Elephant were fearful to push themselves as far as they could have. Maybe we were expecting too much from the band’s third release, but the general sound of the album forces it to blend into one all too comfortably.

A killer espionage-esque riff on ‘It’s Just Forever’ does break up the album’s repetitive sound, but it’s still smothered in distortion and wailing vocals from both frontman Matt Shultz and guest vocalist Alison Mosshart. Album closer ‘Cigarette Day Dreams’ is an acoustic affair that is, in its style, refreshingly different. It’s just a pity it was left until last.

It’s easy to say that ‘Melophobia’ is repetitive, and although it is, the band execute their sound well and each track, in its own right, is explosive and brilliant. ‘Melophobia’ as a whole sounds like Cage The Elephant and it sounds like a third album: much more self-aware and self-assured, as if they have truly found and understood themselves.

Music Video Of The Month Findlay – Greasy Love

We think that Findlay, a born and bred Manchester lass, is quite possibly the coolest thing to rock out of the North of England in a long time, and the bolshy, full of attitude music she makes further confirms this. The video for her latest track is so wild and out-there it could quite possibly do a lot of damage. Think flashing images, dark streets, drawn on graphics and upturned crucifixes and you’re only halfway there. Seriously, just go and watch it.

Balance And Composure – The Things We Think We’re Missing Five-piece melodic Rock collective Balance And Composure, have emerged from the depths of America armed with their latest release, ‘The Things We Think We’re Missing’.

From the onset, ‘The Things We Think We’re Missing’ is a high-energy affair that is most notable on stand-out track ‘Back Of Your Head’, which has an overall Grunge/Shoe Gaze vibe with distorted vocals and dream-like soundscapes all incorporated. Unfortunately for Balance And Composure, they sit within a heavily saturated genre that makes drawing comparisons far too easy: the slowed down, head banging chorus nods warmly to bands like Nirvana, while still adding their own unique, heavier sound, whereas on ‘Tiny Raindrop’ and ‘Notice Me’, vocally, the tracks compare to UK bands You Me At Six and The Blackout.

From about the midway-point onwards the album truly takes off with each song developing and changing before the listener has time to catch up and reflect. Despite hearing a mixture of influences throughout, the band aren’t actually trying to be anyone else, they just haven’t been able to move away from the Rock comparison umbrella.

The album does stand on its own well, as each track is packed full of heavy Rock attributes and melodicturned, screamo-vocals, making for an exciting audio experience. It’s a confident release which is heard mirrored in every track on ‘The Things We Think We’re Missing’.

Benji Boko – Remixes Volume Two ‘Remixes Volume Two’ showcases some of DJ improviser Benji Boko’s most exhilarating remixes to date, namely the album’s opening tune, a remix of Jay Z’s ‘99 Problems’. The original version of the track has been possessed by an edgy, Country sound complete with melodic guitar twangs that scream hillbilly country bumpkin, but in a cool way.

If it sounds too unreal to be true, it’s not and in fact, it works brilliantly alongside Jay Z’s rap.

Similarly, Roots Manuva track ‘Witness’ has been completely transformed. Behind the rap, which carries the song, there’s a series of sound effects that create an eerie vibe in comparison to the Roots Manuva version. Ultimately, everything is a bit slowed down, allowing listeners to appreciate each intricate layer of the track.

Stand-out song ‘Get Funcky’ – a remix of Daft Punk comeback single ‘Get Lucky’ - is injected with a stop/start style and a chorus so lively it almost puts the original to shame. The whole track is consumed by the space-age, robotic theme introduced by Daft Punk, making it consistent with the original.

Boko’s live shows are completely improvised and this approach has translated well onto record, as even though the tracks feel complete and well thought out, there is always an element of surprise in each of Boko’s remixes. Each song is so far removed from the original that ‘Remixes Volume Two’ successfully showcases Boko as the inventive DJ mastermind/remix king he deserves to be recognised as.

Raw FM returns with compilation CD and Tour To celebrate ten years on air, Dance music station, Raw FM has created a compilation CD of not one, but two discs of music that include the very best of Dance from over the last decade, including Benny Benassi, Calvin Harris, Eric Prydz, Deadmau5 and more.

Such an album deserves a proper celebration, so the station’s music director, Chris Fraser (RAW FM, Pacha Sydney, MoS Radio) has taken it upon himself to make sure these dance anthems are celebrated in style with a 15-date national tour.

Tour Dates: Saturday 2nd November Woodport, Inn Erina Saturday 9th November Altitude, Port Macquarie Saturday 16th November Romanos. Wagga Wagga Friday 22nd November Academy, Canberra Saturday 7th December One Nightclub, Albury

Quote of the month: Noel Gallagher on ‘Wonderwall’ “That song kind of pays everybody’s bills, you know? It got me the Rolls Royce, the swimming pool, the big house in the country and another one in Spain” - Noel Gallagher, the most humble man on earth.

By Bryony Curtis, Lesley-Jane Carroll and Emma Walker

Cage The Elephant – Melophobia

www.bbmlive.com 33

INTERVIEWS

Hed Kandi

It’s not every day you get two world class DJ’s in the same room, so we at BBM took the advantage and chatted to Shaun Warner and Cadell about their collaborations with Hed Kandi and New Year’s Eve at Bungalow 8.

C: I think seeing the brand develop in the Australian market has been very rewarding. It’s such a force with the House music scene and a more sophisticated product, that it was always going to be a success here. The artwork and quality of music is always the standout and has such huge reach.

That tied with the excitement of a Hed Kandi-branded event makes it a winner from the outset.

while your track is top of the charts, was something I’ll never forget.

“Hed Kandi is about style, sex appeal and quality, but most of all, it’s about having fun.”

Hi guys, what have you both been up to recently?

Cadell: I’ve been working across the eastern side of Australia for Hed Kandi with gigs in Sydney at Goldfish and in Melbourne.

Shaun: I’ve had my head down in the studio getting my next releases finished after my six-stop tour around Australia and New Zealand. I’m looking forward to doing all the new material for New Year’s Eve. What’s it like to be part of such a globally recognised brand such as Hed Kandi?

S: Hed Kandi allows me to do what I love to do as an artist without having to compromise musically.

It’s all about style, sex appeal and quality, but most of all, it’s about having fun, which is what I try to bring to my DJ sets.

What have been your personal highlights from Hed Kandi Australia in 2013?

S: It’s hard to have one when every time we do a gig it just gets better and better.

C: They’ve all been amazing. No one show is better than another as they all bring different elements and vibes.

What are your favourite festivals of 2013?

C: I’ve got to say that the DC10 parties have been pretty amazing. Quality music.

S: Two of the best events I’ve been to in a long time were House on the Harbour with myself and Tobie Allen from Bootleg Social (UK) and Highflyers Day Cruise with Carl Cox. Both had Sydney Harbour as the backdrop, friendly and up-for-it crowds, and fantastic music.

Are there any plans for Hed Kandi to team up with any of the touring festivals?

C: We are always looking to be involved with various festivals that can represent what we do stay tuned.

How did you first get involved with Hed Kandi?

S: My first involvement with Hed Kandi was as a consumer in the late ‘90s buying their CD’s. Every time a new one would come out I’d be straight on to it. My first Hed Kandi gig in Australia was at a pool party. The night ended with me swimming in the pool on an inflatable listening to “The Man with the Red Face” with a Red Bull Vodka in my hand. It was love from then on.

Have either of you worked with anyone particularly interesting this year?

S: This year has been a year of collaborations for me. Teaming up with Ultan Burke resulted in our very first No 1 selling track, which was amazing for us.

C: Playing alongside Thomas Gold was pretty awesome. He really worked the decks and samples and read the crowd perfectly.

Hed Kandi began its life as a Nu Disco label and radio show back in the ‘90s and has now established itself with the high end Dance scene across the globe, opening its own bars, running exclusive hotels events and working with airlines. What can we expect from Hed Kandi Australia in the future to maintain this high standard of events?

Do you have a “track of the moment/year”?

C: I really can’t answer that. There are so many that fit into different clubs and floors.

S: Clearly I’m biased, but my favourite track of the moment was my release with Ultan Burke & Dawson called ‘Hold Me’. The release coincided with WMC in Miami and being over there in the sunshine, surrounded by the world’s best artists,

34 www.bbmlive.com

If you could work with any guest vocalist or percussionist who would it be?

S: I’m lucky to get to already work with some amazing talent. My next track features Arel James and her performance will wow people. I love performing with Dawson and we work really well together but NYE with Lil will be a treat.

C: I’d love to do a live performance with Shawnee Taylor. Her voice is so powerful.

What have you both learned this year?

C: Get airline lounge membership. It will save your ass when your flights are delayed and you’re sitting around an airport hungover…

S: Focus. Focus. Focus...and have fun.

What can we expect from your sets at Bungalow 8 on New Year’s Eve? S: I’ll be playing with Ultan Burke and Lil and it will be full of energy. Ultan and I really vibe well off each other and with Lil performing front and centre, I think the roof will come off. I cannot wait!

C: I would love to say I have some huge plans right now, but that would be a lie. It’s still being worked on, but if it comes off then it will be pretty special…

Watch this space.

Thanks, guys!

We speak to the legendary singer, producer, composer, DJ, Fritz Kalkbrenner. With Soul music and Techno ticking his boxes, Fritz has also composed music for film scores, and is currently on his world tour ‘Sick Travellin’. We find out a little more about this excellently talented Berliner.

Difficult to ask questions to someone who has been a music Journalist in their career, so how about we start with what was the first record you bought and is it still playable?

The first record that I really, really bought was De La Soul, ‘Three Feet High and Rising’, but way earlier I was, of course, pretty much interested in the music and especially what was coming out of that magic box called radio, and so before the reunification, before the wall came down here in East Germany, I was listening illegally, pretty much, to American Force Network and British Force Broadcasting Services, so all that music from the late 80s which was coming out then had a pretty much emotional impact on me. So, for instance, you pick maybe The Bangles – ‘Eternal Flame’, that might be a record that I liked pretty much, at that time.

Fritz Kalkbrenner

on, let’s say like from ’98 on, I was really digging like ATCQ, especially when J Dilla came into production on the team. And from then on, around 2000, that Common album ‘Like Water for Chocolate’, which, I think, it was its best.

Your upcoming Gig in Belguim for ‘I Love Techno,’ shows the global appreciation for the genre that had previously had such local beginnings (in Berlin/Detroit) how do you feel things have changed since having gone more mainstream? What’s changed?

There are more people into the game, there is more money into the game, of course, and I think for a decent producer who did this from the beginning on and who is really down with the essence of Dance music or House music, the main challenge for him is to keep the distance to what the main productions are because, for example, if you just look at the paper and write by definition what this music sounds like, for example, like Dance music – 124 to 128 BPM features synthesisers as well as samples and vocals are included, I would be doing the same thing as they are, which I’m not doing of course. But I think the main challenge is to keep the distance and yeah, the mainstream scene will have way more strength than we have so it’s our turn to do something new, and to reinvent the kind of music – I don’t know how that will be done so yeah, let’s see.

“THERE’S A STRONG INFLUENCE OF SOUL, MARVIN GAYE AND CURTIS MAYFIELD, AND HOW THEY DEALT WITH ROUGH TIMES”

Aliens have invaded Earth and as representative for Berlin you are asked to hand over five records to describe human emotion, what would you hit them with?

That’s actually a pretty tough question and I don’t think that music and records would put the variety of human emotion to justice. So, better instead, I would pick five records that show the huge wide span of music, in fact. So there might be two classical compositions – maybe one of Beethoven, one of Anton Bruckner, a Black Flag record, something from Nina Simone, and Wu-Tang records.

I am a big Hip Hop fan; big lover of the Daisy Age tunes from Arrested Development, De La Soul and Tribe Called Quest. Do you fancy something darker or quite varied and across the board in your selection?

I did that Daisy Age stuff pretty much too, but in that time, starting from, let’s say, ’95, I was pretty much more into the stuff that was flipping around Wu-Tang and all that, especially those solo albums that they did, and especially to mention on that the GZA album, ‘Liquid Swords’, which was, I think, one of the milestones ‘til then. Yeah, kind of that stuff around about ’95 – that what DJ Muggs had produced as well, so that’s Cypress Hill style. Later

Your tour for ‘Sick Travellin’ takes you from Mexico to Holland and everywhere in between: How do feel these trips influence your future tracks and which DJ’s would you recommend as the up and coming and best of the moment?

All those trips all over the world are a great opportunity to show my music to those people who haven’t experienced it before and I think the main reason why it is, in certain circles, popular

is because of what the music sounds like and especially it’s not influenced by all other different things around, so I have to say no, all those trips, they don’t really influence my ways of producing, because I have my certain tricks and moves and ways to produce, and I think all those challenges in a lifetime that have made me a human being and all those emotions that I have to handle, and all those problems that I have in my life and all those ups and downs are influencing me much more in being a musician, than being somewhere in the world for a day or two.

Your lyrics are poetic, quite romantic at times, to me they have a positive element that a lot of Dance music is scared to discuss (without sounding cheesy). Would you say this is the Soul element coming out in your work?

It’s hard to say, but I hope so. It is, yes it is of course that strong influence of Soul music which is in my mind in all those lyrics and all those records, all that Marvin Gaye stuff and all that Curtis Mayfield stuff and how they dealt with and you know had a positive position to rough times. Yeah, that influenced me quite a lot and it comes quite naturally to me when I hold the pen in my hand and thinking about how to write lyrics, and somehow it doesn’t happen that I write those “ooh’s, yeah’s, let’s pop the bottle tonight” because it’s quite thin to me. So, yeah I think I can’t help myself, it is the Soul approach that’s coming over me.

What’s in the pipeline for 2014?

2014? From 1st of January until April I will be completely off because here in 2013 I think I came off with 120/130 shows, which is a lot for me. So I will be off the first four months but I already started working on the new album, which hopefully will come out October 2014. So this will be my main challenge for 2014: getting off, playing a few shows at the festivals in summer and getting the album done.

Thanks for taking the time to chat to us Fritz!

By Merlin Ramos

How are you? Where are you in the world right now?

I’m very good, thanks for asking. By chance I’m at home, here in Berlin, Germany, but tomorrow I’ll play in Hungary, next week it’s Switzerland and the Netherlands and the week after I’ll play a United States tour. So I know that your question’s flipping around but in the end, I’m settled at home and that’s a good thing.

www.bbmlive.com 35

INTERVIEWS

Tom Odell The self-confessed ‘Piano Man’ Tom Odell has enchanted nations with his stunning, heartfelt lyricism and skilled piano playing ever since his debut single ‘Another Love’ hit airwaves earlier in 2013.

With the release of his debut album, ‘Long Way Down’, a BRITs Critic’s Choice Award and shows aplenty under his belt, Tom Odell caught up with BBM ahead of his Australian tour to discuss his new-found fame, Lily Allen and his first ever song.

Hi Tom, how are you today?

Very well, thank you.

You sound quite sleepy!

No, no, I’m fine. We had a show last night so that’s probably it.

Where in the world are you talking to us from?

I’m in London.

It’s freezing there at the moment! Anyway, you started playing piano at a young age, can you remember what it was that first inspired you to start?

I remember seeing this huge piano in my grandmother’s house and being obsessed with it and wanting to play it. I had this crazy uncle who used to play too. He used to play crazy Jazz. So, it became like one of those childhood obsessions and I’m lucky that I managed to sit down and learn to play it.

Did you know from a young age that you wanted to be a musician?

Yes and no. I think I did, but I was never really sure. It never felt as though it could be a reality until it really happened.

You’ve got a few Australian tour dates lined up for December 2013 and January 2014, have you been to Australia before?

Yeah, we went over there about two months ago.

It’s a lovely place.

Was there anything you didn’t get to do before in Australia that you will when you return?

We’re going to lots more places, we’re going to Tasmania and stuff. So we’re going to be able to see much more and it’s going to be much hotter!

Does it feel strange to know that there are people all over the world that are listening to your music? Is that something you can ever get used to?

Yeah, I think it’s crazy that because of the Internet literally anyone can listen to you. Even the deepest darkest parts of South America can listen to your music. And I think it’s crazy the way it travels, but it’s great that there’s that reach now and it’s amazing to be able to see that. I always wanted to travel when I was young, but I got caught up in music and wasn’t able to do it [travel] but now I’m able to do it with the music.

“It got a bit dark when I wrote about when it died. I liked it as well.”

Do you remember writing your first song?

I do. One of my first songs was about a spider. It was about a spider that lived on my windowsill.

Right...and what was it about the spider that inspired you?

It lived on my windowsill for about a year so it became almost like a pet. It got a bit dark when I wrote about when it died. I liked it as well.

You were signed to Lily Allen’s record label, ‘In The Name Of’, how did that come about?

It was just through friends. I do lots of shows in London and she happened to be at one. She came down with a friend and we went for a dinner afterwards where she told me that she had a label.

It’s funny because I saw her at the show last night

36 www.bbmlive.com

actually. Whenever I see her we just talk about music which is cool. She’s a cool girl.

How about seeing your face plastered across posters in the street?

Yeah, that’s a bit weird. Because I’m rarely ever in London or at home I don’t really see them that much, but I think it’s more weird for my friends.

Do you have any rituals or lucky mascots while you’re on tour?

Well, everyone has a lucky pair of underwear, don’t they? Wait, does everyone have a lucky pair of underwear?

Yeah, we do! So, your album ‘Long Way Down’ has been out for a while now. How did you find the writing and recording process, considering it was your debut?

It took, like, two years to write it. I spent a long time writing it but it didn’t take me very long to record it.

Are you at all concerned about your follow-up album, simply because you had so much time to write your debut but now people might demand a quicker turnaround? Are you worried about that pressure?

No, I’m not worried. You just do it. The one thing I can do is write songs. That’s the part that’s easy.

Are your songs solely from your own experiences then?

Solely from me. I think this album is very personal. I think it sounds quite raw sometimes.

Is there anything at all that you think you might possibly regret saying on this album in the future?

I think it’s very open and it’s very emotional. It’s very unguarded and I think sometimes people are a bit scared of that, you know. But I want it to be like that.

It definitely comes across that way. I also think that when you play live, you give so much, due to the themes of your lyrics. Are they quite demanding to play live in order to get the message you want to portray across or do you find that comes quite naturally as you play?

I think they’re fine to perform, but I think you have to be in the state of mind of when they were written in order to perform them. I don’t think you could go out in a nonchalant way and perform. I have to be in that same headspace. It’s quite emotionally exhausting too.

Thanks for your time Tom and we’ll see you in Oz.

By Bryony Curtis

Alan Davies

Everybody’s favourite QI panelist and murder mystery investigator, Alan Davies, a.k.a Jonathan Creek, is heading to Australia in March 2013 for his brand new standup tour. We caught up with him to talk all about his own ‘Little Victories’.

really good fun when it’s at its best. We had a shot in the arm actually when we took it to Australia in 2011 and did live shows with Australian comedians.

We gave shorter answers so it was punchier for the live gig and we felt really rejuvenated coming back to the UK. We signed younger and newer comedians; we didn’t have to rely on old hands who’d done it before. It was really beneficial and it’s in good health now. As you say it’s in its 11th series and so we’ve still got 15 left to go.

Hi Alan! How are you today?

Not too bad! Been running around. I’m filming Jonathan Creek at the moment, which is quite good fun, but they’re doing scenes that I’m not in so what tends to happen is you end up with lots and lots of things to do on what’s supposed to be your day off!

We’re very excited to see you come to Australia in March for the ‘Little Victories’ tour; can you give us any hints at what to expect?

I’ve been working away on material. At the end of my last tour in the UK in August I was doing ‘Work In Progress’ on ‘Little Victories’. ‘Little Victories’ basically refers to when you’re little and trying to get one-over on your Dad and that life is as best as you can hope for. There’s a bit about my children; on the last show I was talking about them being babies and now I’m talking about them being toddlers and how I could just happily throw them in the canal! But it’s about my bond with them, my father, and the usual everyday nonsense, muck and filth.

So you’ve been able to use your kids as inspiration?

Oh yes, they have to pay their way and they’re doing that by providing me with material for standup tours.

You tested the show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival back in August; how did it go? What was the general feedback?

Pretty good! When I was in the comedy clubs I used to be constantly doing gigs, but now I don’t as much, so getting a show together means doing a work in progress, which is pretty arduous in the beginning, particularly for the audience because nothing seems to work! But then you find your feet and it gradually expands, grows and develops. It’s nerve-wracking because I’ve got all these fantastic theatres, and even though it’s still months until March I’m thinking, “My God, I’ve got to get this right!” My problem is, I’m 47 and I can’t always remember what I’m supposed to be saying next!

You’ve toured for years, but you’ve become particularly well-loved in Britain for your TV work, do you have a preference between travelling and staying close to home?

I used to think that touring was a pain, but now, I’ve got two small children, one’s two and the other nearly four, and a day at home is great but it’s absolutely shattering, so a gig in the evening is a bit like a day out now! I can stay in a nice hotel and relax, and talk to people after the gigs. When I went over to Australia in 2011, I was there for eight weeks so the whole family came with me, but I’m going on my own this time because it’s a bit in and out. There’ll be plenty of FaceTime and Skype. For me, after ten years not doing stand-up, to come back is quite exciting. I’m a bit older now and I’ve actually got a few things to say. It was one of those things I thought I could fall back on, but I’ve gone back voluntarily.

So the plan is to go all the way to ‘Z’?

Well, whether we’ll be on the BBC doing that…we might be on the Internet! But we’ll keep going on the BBC as long as they’ll have us.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve learnt from the show?

It all goes in one ear and out of the other! I can’t remember anything. My favourite one is about when the Vikings went exploring, they had a raven with them and they’d let it go and if it saw land, it would fly to it, and that was how they found land. If it didn’t see any land then obviously it would fly back because it couldn’t land on water. That’s the only thing I can remember from eleven years!

“My Problem is, I’m 47 NOW, AND I CAN’T ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING NEXT!”

We heard Bill Bailey was best man at your wedding; did he give a good speech?

Yes, he did, but unfortunately we didn’t record it because we didn’t want video cameras in our faces all day. I think what I would have done now is get a voice recording, because the speeches were really good fun and it was a nice atmosphere and good to have him there.

QI, which you star in alongside the brilliant Stephen Fry, is in its eleventh season; for anyone foolish enough to have never seen it, can you explain the concept in one sentence?

John Lloyd’s original idea was that you don’t get points for being right, you get them for being interesting. QI stands for ‘Quite Interesting’ and those that come on the show aiming to be right, are doomed to fail. Nowadays it’s just a jolly conversation. It’s not a testosterone-filled quiz that you get on some other panel shows and it’s just

Many of our readers will have grown up watching you as Jonathan Creek; do you ever feel like he’s your second identity or alter ego?

I don’t know about that, but people do actually call me Jonathan Creek on the street. I have quite long gaps, but it’s very nice to have it back and to know that it’s still quite popular; I mean - it’s been 17 years!

What do you like to do on a Sunday?

I like to be with the kids. We’ve moved house near Hampstead Heath so I’m looking forward to lots of Sundays. I’ve been trying to fend off lots of dog owners, because with two small children and people letting their dogs off the lead… When my boy was one he got knocked over by a dog, he was quite upset and the owner was standing there like he was in the way. I told her to apologise and she said “Why should I apologise? It’s not my fault that your child is afraid of dogs.” So I said to her, “Well he’s only one.” And she said, “Well, the dog is six months.”

So, that’s what you’re dealing with up there! I might take a sawn-off shotgun with me, next time…

By Charlotte Mellor

www.bbmlive.com 37

FUNNY NEWS The Student Victims Of Red Rage We’ve all heard the names. Ginger nut. Ranga. Fire crotch. Carrot knackers. Tampon head. Freckled volcano. Beaker. Brass Fadge.

Copperknob. Lohan’s love-child. Gingus Khan. They’re all horrible, offensive and inexcusable names we give to ginger people. And it shames BBM to admit that we may even have made some of those names up ourselves just now. Tango pubes, almost forgot that one.

Well, as always happens in times of social upheaval, people’s inherent discriminatory nature has bubbled to the surface, forcing police to intervene during ugly scenes in that hotbed of anti-ginger violence - Rotherham.

Apparently, students at a secondary school in the Yorkshire town had to answer to police after they took inspiration from a South Park episode and co-ordinated attacks against redheaded pupils.

The schoolchildren at Wingfield Academy concocted ‘Kick A Ginger Day’, drawing inspiration from an episode of the cartoon that mocks ginger mingers.

“Following national guidelines, the school took the lead and dealt with the matter,” a police spokesman said. “However, one of our partnership-based young people officers has given words of advice to those involved. In the next few weeks he will also speak at a number of school assemblies to warn of the dangers regarding discrimination and violence.”

The school said that it had acted swiftly in the matter and that the pupils in the wrong had been strongly reprimanded.

“These deplorable acts, done in the name of singling innocent people out, have no place in our school, and as soon as it was brought to my attention that such acts had taken place in our school, we acted swiftly to deliver a strong message,” a school spokesman said.

Well said, sir. Those poor redheaded freaks have enough problems to deal with (sunlight, for example), without people heaping more labels on them. Labels like fish finger fringes and jammy todgers. And Garfield.

The Queen Of Multitasking Women have always lauded it over men that they are capable men are not. Now we will finally concede. A lady in China a moped whilst breastfeeding. Riding her moped with her teet, she thought this must be the perfect time to quench modern day mother is more than just a stay at home mum to baby’s needs but some continue their careers and look the family too. This is a feat worthy of admiration but always be drawn.

The mother was halted by police and managed to escape a fine but was left with a warning to mull over her actions. “She was risking her life, her son’s life and the lives of all other road users.” the police were quoted as saying. The members of the public that witnessed her actions reported that she was free-breastfeeding; her hands were fixed to the handles of the moped and her baby was dangling dangerously as she sped down the street. The little boy, who is about 18-months-old, was said to have become distressed and started crying - not that that was any deterrent to his determined mother.

Mothers do take on a lot of responsibility when raising a family, but the necessity to multi-task to this extent is questionable. Surely she could just have breastfed for five minutes before taking off on her journey again.

The police gave her a further warning insisting “We told her if she carried on we would confiscate her bike.”

Should probably confiscate the child too.

38 www.bbmlive.com

of

multitasking and was spotted driving baby suckling at her the baby’s thirst. The provide for all the after the rest of a line can

Celebrity Tweets Here we help translate the literary treats published by the wonderful celebrities that grace the Twittersphere with their presence...

Jimmy Carr @jimmycarr Kim Kardashian’s arse on Twitter. She looked amazing. And by amazing I mean half women half space hopper.

- More like full-on Jabba the Hutt, Jimmy.

Paris Hilton @ParisHilton Time for another late night in the studio. Time to get creative. These new beats are so sick, can’t wait to write to them!

- Paris Hilton, you’re clearly still in denial. Never has your music career been ‘creative’. No one wants to hear your auto-tune squark anymore...Go straight to jail, do not pass go and do not collect $200.

Britney Spears @britneyspears I am so upset I missed the Corrie special on TV!!!

- What kind of drugs are they giving you Britney?!

Harry Styles @Harry_Styles I like Melbourne.

- That’s too bad, because Melbourne doesn’t like you, you long haired twat.

Miley Cyrus @mileycyrus Went to McDonalds for the first time in WAY to long - Good. You need some meat in you, other than Theo Wenner (Google him if necessary).

Sharon Osbourne @MrsSOsbourne I’m so excited to share this with you!

My biography #Unbreakable is now available in the UK. - Great. Can’t wait to hear about how Ozzy applies bat eating techniques to some old bint’s snatch.

Kelly Clarkson @kelly_clarkson IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! Check out my new Christmas single, Underneath The Tree!!!

Hope you like it!!!

- For starters, no we don’t like it, it sounds like a poor man’s ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’. And secondly, calm down on the exclamation mark front, and whilst you’re at it, hit the gym. Jeez.

Pirate DVD Proves To Be A Scam

Remember when the first Pirates Of The Caribbean movie came out? How we all laughed at Jack Sparrow. So what if the rest of the film was shit, there’s Jonny Depp doing an impression of Keith Richards. Who could get bored of that?

Then the second one came out. Then the third one.

And the fourth. By the time the fifth one comes out in a couple of years, filmgoers will be so sick of pirates they’ll physically attack anyone wearing an eye-patch.

So, perhaps that should have rung some alarm bells for Mohamed Abdi Hassan, a notorious Somali pirate who was intrigued when he was asked to fly to Belgium because a film crew wanted to make a documentary about his life. In fact, he was so intrigued that he decided to fly to Europe with his right-hand man to meet with the doco makers.

And as soon as he touched down in Brussels, he was arrested.

According to scheming prosecutors, the pirate was a resident of Somalia and rarely travelled, so police “elaborated an infiltration operation aimed at arresting Afweyne outside of Somalia. Afweyne was asked to collaborate as an adviser and expert on a film project on maritime piracy. The film was supposed to reflect his life as a pirate.”

But when Afweyne and Via Tiiceey (his partner in crime) landed to sign the movie contract, “they were awaited and taken into custody”, the prosecutor said.

The pair are facing several years in jail on charges of kidnapping, piracy and organised crime.

To be honest, a bit of time behind bars still sounds more pleasant than being made to watch a fifth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie.

Teacher Struggles At High School

Teachers should be applauded for showing students the dangers of drugs. So put your hands together for Christopher Chiappetta who was found unconscious in a Pittsburgh high school after taking heroin before passing out in front of a class full of students. You’ve got to admire his dedication to the cause.

“Unfortunately, it was a very realistic show and tell where you can preach the message to students, but they got to see live, firsthand the effects of a drug addiction problem,” said the school’s resource officer Sgt Mike Hudson. “When a person makes a decision to use a narcotic, and he’s actually being a substitute teacher, that’s pretty severe drug usage, and he needs a lot of help.”

Hell In A Cell

Call us nostalgic old fools with supressed homoerotic urges (our therapist does), but BBM still remembers fondly the spandex-clad stars from the golden age of WWF wrestling. Hulk Hogan, Jake the Snake, Giant Haystacks, Shirley Crabtree… all legends. Less easy to remember are the blokes with normal names who used to be offered up like lambs to the slaughter in between major bouts. So when, say, the Undertaker faced two blokes with names like Keith Jacobs and Steve Hernandez, everyone knew what was coming next – five minutes of Keith and Steve being hurled around the ring and smashed through tables.

The reason we bring this up? Well something very similar happened during a mugging in Swindon this month.

Sadly for would-be muggers Dean Maundrell and Michael Bennett, they picked on cage fighter Lewis Hawkins – who duly kicked the living crap out of both of them.

They “ambushed” Hawkins as he parked his car, but the strongman fought back, repeatedly punching Bennett and ignoring Maundrell’s empty threat that he had a gun.

Bennett was barely conscious by the time he was arrested, while his mate was caught by police a short time later after, sensibly, running away.

Feeling Flushed After Getting Bogged Down

An idiot in China literally went round the bend looking for his lost wedding ring – after getting his hand stuck in the toilet as he tried to retrieve it.

Having been to the bog after a rogan josh and a Guinness, BBM knows all too well the pain of having your ring fall out on the toilet.

The man, known only as Zhang, had reportedly decided to have a shower in his work changing room in Quanzhou, in the Fujian province, so he took his ring off to avoid losing it.

Celebimals You may think we’ve got too much time on our hands, but here at BBM we’ve conducted some serious celebrity research and analysis (yep we’ve been stalking Si-Co and Paris again), and our findings would suggest that Paris Hilton is in fact a giraffe - just look at those lazy eyes, and Simon Cowell’s straight grey mane indicates that he is descended from Gorillas.

Our research also lead us to believe that Jessica Simpson is the human version of Jessica Rabbit, Justin Timerlake’s dad shagged a hedgehog, the guy from the hangover is a lion (behavioural issues), and Justin Bieber is, as we always suspected, as massive pussy.

But, as he began to wash, he dropped the ring and watched in despair as it rolled into the squat toilet nearby. In a desperate bid to keep his marriage intact, red-faced Zhang rushed to try and fish it back out - but ended up getting his arm stuck in the U-bend and had to be freed by firefighters.

“The man is a complete prat,” one of the firefighters didn’t say.

The 26-year-old was arrested after authorities found four bags of heroin in his pocket and marijuana in his car. Sounds like just another day in the office for BBM.

www.bbmlive.com 39

SPORTS NEWS wore off, the pained words on every England fan’s broken lips were: “we won’t win it.”

England Lose Again In Blame Game

When it comes to dealing with the dearth of English talent in the Premier League, the FA could take a few lessons from our ex-girlfriend.

It’s a defence mechanism, a ploy to try and keep our dreams in check after almost half a century of bitter experience. Theon did the same thing. He knew the two hotties that came to his cell were a trap, he pleaded with them to leave – but as soon as they started to lez up on top of him, his animal instincts kicked in. Five minutes later, his willy was lopped off.

When she found out we’d caught knob-rot off a slapper in Kings Cross, she tried to cut BBM’s cock off with a steak knife. An overreaction maybe, but at least she realised that just buying some cream to clear it up wouldn’t solve the problem long-term.

She knew that as long as BBM made decisions by consulting the man downstairs, we’d constantly be catching STD’s from every drunk, short-sighted slapper who’d have us.

By trying to decapitate our purple head, she was attacking the real issue (BBM’s philandering) rather than one of its consequences. “What the hell’s this got to do with the England team?”, you may well be wondering. Good question. Imagine the FA was BBM’s girlfriend (i.e. Greg Dyke in a skirt – which actually does look like a girl we once banged in the toilets at the Cock and Bull). The FA’s idea to try and improve the England team by restricting the number of foreigners in the Premier League is like our girlfriend blaming BBM’s knob-rot on the girls who sleep with us for wearing short skirts and being so cheap.

The reason England isn’t in the same league as Spain, Germany, Argentina and the rest is because our coaching system hasn’t moved out of the dark ages (much like BBM’s attitude to women). It’s widely known that Lionel Messi would never have got a chance to play professionally if he’d been born in England on account of his height. Conversely, Andy Carroll is the most expensive English player purely because he’s a muscly thug who’s good at winning headers.

“I believe that the methods in English haven’t changed as much as the game has changed,” said Patrick ‘the only voice of reason’ Vieira. “I heard some comments about there being too many foreigners in the country, that is why there is no chance for the English players to have a chance to play in the first team.

But for me that is the comment everybody wants to hear. The truth is [we need to ask] how can we help the young players to develop? How do we give them the best tools for them to improve? The problem is deeper than just saying there are too many foreigners. I think this is a deeper problem.”

Well said Patrick, now if you can just come up with a cure for crabs, that’d be awesome.

Fostering A Grudge With Socceroos It’s hard to choose the funniest reaction in the wake of Australia’s back-to-back 6-0 hammerings to Brazil and France – especially as those score lines themselves were hilarious enough. Was it Holger Osieck’s sacking? Nah, too obvious. Was it the collective kicking dished out to Lucas Neill? Nah, it just felt like watching a war veteran being beaten to a bloody pulp. What about the media clamour to appoint a “true blue” Aussie as the next coach? Now that was funny, especially considering the “calibre” of the A-League’s finest candidates.

But no, the funniest thing about the whole Socceroos kerfuffle was the reaction of permaprick Craig Foster – the self-appointed delusional voice of Australian football.

For weeks Foster had been pushing for Osieck’s dumping, using his barely literate column of waffle in the Sydney Morning Herald to call for his vision of the Australian game instead. So you’d think the grey-haired goon would have been thrilled when Osieck finally got the chop.

Not in the slightest. For you see, in Foster’s world, things like finances and realistic objectives are just imaginary barriers designed to keep the Socceroos from achieving their destiny as the greatest team in the world. So, if Foster was in charge of the FFA, he’d immediately hire Pep Guardiola as head coach with Jurgen Klopp and Jose Mourinho as his assistants.

40 www.bbmlive.com

He’d also appoint Arsene Wenger as coach to the under-20s team.

But Foster is like a child. He doesn’t understand why mummy and daddy can’t make his dreams come true, so instead he stamps his feet and sulks.

The idea of appointing a local coach horrified him – although it’s possibly because he’s had feuds with most of them on SBS (just Google Postecoglou v Foster). “The knee-jerk reaction is a call for pride and passion,” he said in his column. “Remember, when knees jerk, they usually hit someone in the face.”

In the face? How long are his legs? Still, if anyone knows about jerks, it’s Craig Foster.

World Of Hurt From A Little Joy

Being an England fan is a lot like being Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones. Every time you get your hopes up, it turns out it was just a sadistic trick and some bastard comes along and cuts your cock off. Poor old Theon spent the whole of season three being brutally tortured, with his captor playing so many mind games he could well have been Jose Mourinho in disguise.

So, as soon as the euphoria of watching Roy Hodgson’s Three Lions qualify for the World Cup

In the football world, the British tabloids play the role of the saucy nymphettes. We say England can’t win it now, but come June next year, the red tops will have teased and titillated us all into such a frenzy of ill-advised optimism that we’ll all be putting $100 on Andros Townsend to score a hat-trick against Germany in the final.

“If you want to win the lottery, buy a lottery ticket, and we have our ticket,” said Hodgson, basking in the warm afterglow of a stunning two-match winning streak. Be strong people, remember the mantra: “we won’t win it.” If nothing else, it’ll make the pain of going out on penalties to Uruguay in the first knockout stage more bearable.

All Black Cloud On The Horizon For Home Nations

Being brought up in a country where fighting orcs and dark lords is pretty common, it’s no wonder New Zealanders are tough to beat at rugby. If Mordor’s minions can’t stop them, what hope has Quade Cooper got?

But while it’s been fun watching the Wallabies routinely monstered by the Fellowship of the All Blacks, the shoe will be on the other foot this month when the Kiwis head to the UK with the goal of staying unbeaten for the entire season. And seeing as they’ve already beaten the Springboks home and away this year, we can’t see a team like Scotland offering much hope of an upset.

“I don’t think we’ve got any right to go around thumping our chests saying that we’re unbeatable,” All Blacks coach Steve Hansen said. “We’ll get our feet back on the ground and stay humble and keep working hard. We realise that if we don’t, then others will come past us. That’s not what we want.”

The world champions have won all 10 Tests so far in 2013, winning the Rugby Championship title in the process. More importantly, they’ve taken a big steaming dump on the Wallabies’ hopes of a revival under new coach Ewen McKenzie – whose only wins so far have come against Argentina. Even England can do that.

New Zealand have only lost one of their 24 tests since winning the 2011 World Cup, against England at Twickenham last November.

The squad will be led by Richie McCaw, who along with eight other senior players will skip the Japan leg of the tour and head straight to Paris, where the All Blacks will hammer France on November 9th.

England Commission

The World Cup 2014 is almost upon us and the usual onslaught of how the English youth are failing has been brought forward from its place after a prerequisite dire showing by England at the tournament.

A voluntary commission has been set up to combat the ailment beset upon English footballers and has already been castigated as impotent by the English media. The purpose of the commission is to strengthen the pool of English talent coming through from ranks. Jamaican born Heather Rabbatts has been particularly vocal labelling the commission “all white and all male”, denoting that they would be out of touch.

England Manager Roy Hodgson and Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand have been added to the ranks to give the panel more credibility, but according to Rabbatts, there are still questions regarding the purpose of their existence.

Some notable names form the body with FA Chairman Greg Dyke at the head and Glenn Hoddle, Danny Mills and Crewe director of football Dario Gradi among the constituency.

Of Rio Ferdinand’s appointment, Greg Dyke said he had “vast experience” and would have a “huge amount to offer to the debate”. Therein lies the problem; this commission is going to be engaging in another debate and ultimately come to no conclusion and thus take no action. The debate has been waged for years, it’s time a strategy was implemented.

Fan Flare

The use of flares has been commonplace around Europe for years, but its popularity has only flared up in England in recent times. Flares have been in regular use by Liverpool fans with the red mist descending on grounds foreign to the Anfield natives. However, the use has taken a sour twist in a recent fixture between Tottenham and Aston Villa at Villa Park.

San Fans Disco As Coach Heads Off

International football said goodbye to one of its longestserving managers this month, a man who spent over a decade in charge of one of Europe’s most consistent teams and who honourably fell on his sword after a failed World Cup qualifying campaign.

So raise a cheap glass of cask wine to Giampaolo Mazza, who managed to pick up just one point in 15 years in charge of perennial UEFA whipping boys San Marino – a side so bad they couldn’t even draw with Scotland.

After a qualifying campaign that featured an 8-0 loss to England, a 6-0 loss to Montenegro and a total of 17 goals conceded to Ukraine in two games, Mazza decided to call it a day. In fact, his record is so poor it’s suspected Mike Ashley may offer him the role of technical director at Newcastle.“The regret is that we never won an official game, but I am proud that we never used a naturalised player,” waffled Mazza. “The team has improved in recent years and also we play with courage.”

The bit about ‘improving in recent years’ is a little questionable after finishing bottom of a weak group with a goal difference of minus 53. They are also listed joint 207th in FIFA’s world rankings - their lowest-ever position that they have held since last October.But who are we to quibble when Mazza has provided the San Marinians with such highlights as the 1-1 draw with Latvia in 2001 and… Actually, it turns out that was the only highlight.

Still, it could have been worse - imagine if Greame Souness had been in charge...

Another Controversy In Lehmann’s Terms

After Andros Townsend had pushed the away side in front, the jubilant Spurs fans celebrated in unison, but one fan overstepped the mark by lighting up a blue flare and tossing it towards the pitch. Linesman David Bryan found himself in the line of fire as the canister struck him on the back of the neck.

FA secretary Alex Horne admits that the presence of flares is a growing concern and investigations are under way to rectify the situation, although the small stature of flares makes it difficult.

“We don’t like to see it, but they are very small, they are very portable” he said.

As of yet, FIFA have not offered an input into the situation. Most likely because this is nothing compared to the shit that the Brazilians do.

Good news for England fans. Ashes failure Darren Lehmann is at it again, trying to wind up the England team with desperate “controversial” comments in a transparent, piss-poor attempt to up the ante before the start of the series later this month.

Clearly he’s learned nothing from the 3-0 series hammering he masterminded a couple of months ago – when he tried a similar tactic by accusing Stuart Broad of “blatant cheating”.

It got him nowhere that time, but that hasn’t deterred the one-trick pony.

Asked on BBC Radio 5 Live for his impression of England’s style, the (slap)head coach said: “Dour. It’s not the type of cricket I’d play.”

That’s right Darren, you clearly prefer “dire” over “dour”.

“We found out a few things about England, which is great for us. I like the way we played in the last three tests [in England]; I liked the attitude, and I liked the aggression,” added Lehmann, ignoring the fact they didn’t win any of those tests. “In terms of knowing their batters back to front, we’ve got that down.”

Which is all well and good Darren, if you’ve got two or three world-class bowlers to execute the plan – which you don’t.

Not only that, but with Michael Clarke holding his back and wincing like an arthritic war veteran and James Pattinson a big doubt too, there’s a chance England might wallop the Aussies in Brisbane. If we were in Lehmann’s shoes, we’d stop making shit comments and be more concerned about Cricket Australia’s itchy trigger finger hovering over the panic t– which is the only reason he got the job in the first place.

www.bbmlive.com 41

CRYSTAL BALLS

Horoscopes Libra

While on the train to work, your iPod randomly plays three songs called “Home” right after each other. Amazed by the coincidence, you decide the universe is telling you to move back to the UK. A couple of months later, when you’re back living with your family in the freezing cold northern hemisphere, you realise you had your iPod on “play alphabetically” rather than “shuffle”. Enjoy pneumonia, sucker!

Aquarius

Your latest plan to pull by walking up to a group of women, donning a pair of aviators and saying “Welcome aboard Beefcake Airways” ends abruptly this month. Prepare your testicles for take-off, because they’re going to be booted into orbit.

Leo

You’re browsing a bric-a-brac store at Paddington markets when you spot an old wooden box filled with a delightful array of retro-looking jewels, including a mediaeval-style crown. When you get it home and empty the contents, you notice an inscription which has been etched into the bottom of the box which says “Property of the crown, year of our lord 1213, hereby signed by King John”. Turns out they are the fabled lost crown jewels of the despised King John, which archaeologists have been hunting for decades. Unfortunately, the inscription really ruins the look of the box, so you take the jewels back and ask for a refund.

Pisces

You know how as men start to get older they go into denial about their thinning hair, refusing to admit that their comb over is about as effective as trying to hide a balloon behind some floss? Well that’s you. In your mind, you’ve got the luscious locks of a Swedish teen, but to everyone else you look like a slap-headed paedophile. We’re telling you this as a friend. Sort it, shave it.

Sagittarius

Be careful not to drink too much at a friend’s wedding or you’ll ruin it for everyone by dancing naked on a table to Ricky Martin’s “Shake Your Bon Bon”. It’s not a prediction, it’s just something that happened to me last night.

Not sure what I got up to after that, but I just woke up with the groom’s granddad and my backdoor feels like it’s been smashed in. He looks so old and frail, you wouldn’t think he had it in him. The dirty old bastard. Actually, I hope he’s not dead. I don’t want to have to change my name and move to South America again.

Scorpio

While playing on the beach at Neilsen Park in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, you stub your toe on a sharp piece of wood sticking out of the sand. After a bit of digging, you discover the wood was part of a treasure chest filled with 18th century gold coins from the Caribbean. An inscription inside the lid says “property of Edward Teach” – you’ve found the treasure of the legendary pirate Blackbeard! God knows how it ended up in Australia, but it’s one of the archaeological finds of the century. However, when you try to use one of the coins to buy a can of coke from a vending machine at a nearby cafe, it won’t accept it. And when you try to buy a sandwich from a restaurant with it, the woman behind the counter tells you to piss off. Frustrated, and with your toe still sore, you realise the treasure must be cursed, so decide to bury it again for the next poor soul who stubs his toe.

Gemini

When your girlfriend tells you to stop playing computer games and get a real hobby, you start altering photos of girls you know on Facebook by Photoshopping their heads onto the bodies of porn stars. It’s not what she had in mind.

Aries

You discover you are Pitbull’s secret love child.

Capricorn

You wake up one morning convinced you’re Heather Mills and spend the rest of the month hopping around on one leg demanding Paul McCartney gives you $6,000,000.

Virgo

You set a new world record for losing your sunglasses in a single day.

Congratulations.

Taurus

Psst. Having looked into your future, I can give you the first five answers to your local pub quiz next week. They are; 1 – The Cheeky Girls. 2 – Gabriela and Monica Irimia. 3 – Cheeky Song (Touch my Bum). 4 – Lembit Opik. 5 – (Hooray! Hooray!) It’s a Cheeky Holiday. The real question is: why would anyone want to go to a Cheeky Girls-themed quiz night?

Cancer

You buy a cool-looking rustic storage chest on Gumtree for $50. When you open it at home, you discover two stone tablets with the 10 commandments chiseled into them, Aaron’s rod, a jar of manna and the first Torah scroll as written by Moses. After a quick Google, you realise it’s the long lost Ark of the Covenant – as featured in the film The Raiders of the Lost Ark. The bad news is there’s a big red wine stain on one of the corners. Naturally, you immediately take it back to the seller and demand your money be returned.

Pub Quiz Facts Love a bit of trivia down the pub? Here’s a few things we bet you didn’t know...

Casper the friendly ghost was a teenager who died of pneumonia after sledding all day.

In 1996, both DC and Marvel comics published a crossover series where Batman and Wolverine were made into one character named Dark Claw.

Ancient Greeks believed that red heads would turn into vampires after they died.

It’s harder to go to sleep and sleep throughout the night when the moon is full.

The vibrator was invented before the vacuum.

UPS was founded by two teenagers with one bicycle and $100.

Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for the most number one singles from an album.

Tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world, after water.

Blue-eyed people tend to have a higher alcohol tolerance than those with darker eyes.

42 www.bbmlive.com

ASK CRYSTAL & JOKES

Ask Crystal Dear Crystal,

Dear Daphne,

Dear Crystal,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for two years and have always trusted him until the last couple of months. At first it was just little things. We’re both blonde, but I noticed a couple of curly black hairs in the bathroom.

Then I found some long purple trousers with flairs under the bed that I’d never seen before. I didn’t really think much of it at the time, until I came back from work early one day and found my boyfriend in black face paint with a big afro wig on dressed from head to toe as a member of the Jackson Five. He looked horrified when he saw me but then admitted everything, choking back tears as he told me how he’d enjoyed dressing up as iconic pop stars from the 60s ever since he’d reached puberty, but that he’d kept it a secret as his family were very religious and had once stopped speaking to an uncle when he admitted he liked to dress as Roy Wood from 70s glam rock band Wizzard. He tells me he loves me, and I’m trying to be open-minded about it, but I’m hurt that he kept it from me and just feel like it’s a side of him I’ll never understand. Is he a pervert? Please help.

Finding out your partner has been hiding something important from you is always difficult for a relationship to overcome.

Something similar happened to me once when I came back from work and found my then boyfriend dressed as Mr T from the A Team, yelling “I pity the fool” to himself in the mirror. Then I remembered my boyfriend actually was Mr T, and I’d just come back from a three-way with George Peppard and Dirk Benedict in the back of the A-team van. I think it was his way of dealing with it. Anyway, my point is, we all have sides to us that we’re not always comfortable telling other people about - and if your boyfriend isn’t hurting anyone, what’s the harm? Of course, if he displays any Michael Jackson “personality traits” from later in his career, I’d call the police immediately.

I’ve got a real problem, I’ve been shagging my girlfriend’s sister, but I didn’t realise she was a regular down at Kings Cross, and the little tramp has given me Gonorrhoea. I’ve also had sex with my girlfriend, Chandlier, since, and now I’m worried she’s got it too and she’s going to find out. The problem is I don’t want to carry on shagging that dirty tramp, but my Chandelier is surely going to break up with me now, and then how will I get my willy wet?

Yours,

Dear Craig,

Daphne

Do I look like David Attenborough? I haven’t got a bloody clue. Stamp on them first, ask questions later.

Dear Crystal, How does a wasp poop when it’s got a stinger coming out of its arse?

Thanks, Craig

Please help, Richie

Dear Richie, You lying sack of crap, you never told me you were going out with Chandelier. That’s my sister for fuck sake. And as for the Gonorrhoea, I’d quite like it if you didn’t air my soiled gusset in public. Anyway, back to my job as Agony Aunt, I suggest you incorporate the use of avocados into your sex life, that way she’ll think all that gunk down there are just remnants of your newly found adventurous sexscapades.

Right, now do one, you prick.

Crystal

Jokes What do you call two epileptics in a swimming pool?

A Jacuzzi!

Jay, Port Lincoln

How can you tell that Keira Knightley doesn’t exist?

Because the camera adds ten pounds.

Will, Sunbury

Ever hear about the blind man that bled to death?

He was trying to read a cheese grater.

Phil, Helensvale

My wife started going berserk after one too many weight jibes: She screamed, “If you keep up with these fat jokes, you’ll drive me to suicide!”

“Well I’d have to - you wouldn’t walk, would you?”

Clive, Churchill

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

The accused.

Jack, Nowra Why were women created?

Sheep can’t cook.

Howard, Surry Hills What’s pink, wrinkly and hangs out your trousers?

Your Nan. Omar, Cranbourne Roses are red, violets are blue.

I’ve got a gun, get in the van.

Ian, Singleton How can you recognise a gynaecologist?

He’s wearing his watch above his elbow.

Geoff, Buderim Wives can only be one of three kinds: 1. Pretty but unfaithful 2. Faithful but ugly 3. Pretty, faithful and inflatable Chris, Stirling I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits, so when someone adds me it will say: You are now friends with Benefits.

Steve, Marion

Sex Box on Channel 4.

Next week: Wank Sock Richard, Smithfield I’ve robbed seven banks now.

Five more and I shouldn’t have to buy pens for a year.

Dan, Bowen I’m never shopping in Iceland again.

Those Authentic Aberdeen Anus burgers tasted like shit.

Larry, Mackay How to embarrass an archeologist: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Stan, Cooroy What do you call a woman who doesn’t know how to make a sandwich?

Single.

Frank, Ipswich What do you call a guy who gets drinks for fat girls?

A bartender.

Dave, Newcastle

What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal immigrant?

E.T. went home Victor, St Kilda Vaginas are like the weather.

When it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

Ollie, Gosford My penis was in the Guinness Book Of Records.

Until the librarian kicked me out.

Grant, Milton Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohh you bet!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

James, Wollongong My girlfriend’s Dad asked me what I do.

Apparently “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.

Rob, Chermside One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause: “Please send me a sister.”

Santa Clause replied: “Ok, send me your mother.”

Tom, Liverpool

www.bbmlive.com 43

ADULT FUN & ENTERTAINMENT

Speed Dating - Without The Weirdos Brisbane

Thursday 28th November 2013, 7:30pm onwards The events set up by www.brisbanespeeddating.com.au follow your standard speed dating format. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! There’s usually around 15 guys and 15 gals per event, plus your standard, awkwardly small (urm, we mean cosy) individual tables where the dudes rotate. You have six minutes to make flirtatious banter and swap exciting anecdotes of your recent trip to Cancun/New Zealand/your Mum’s before that famous buzzer sounds and it’s time to do it all over again. Try not to be too harsh when you mark ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ on your scorecard… you do want at least a few matches! Also take note of the age requirements for each event; this one is for guys aged 25-36 and girls aged 23-34. You don’t want to end up on a night out with someone that could easily pass as a parent or, dare we say it, grandparent.

Shafston Hotel 3 Lytton Road, East Brisbane.

Upstairs Function room. www.brisbanespeeddating.com.au

Sydney

Friday 8th November 2013, 5pm to 9pm – After Work Drinks/Canapés Ok, so we have to concede that when looking for love in the modern age, the Internet is a very powerful tool and you’re not really going to get anywhere without a decent laptop or at the very least, good old 3G on your phone.

Websites dedicated to organising singles nights takes the guesswork out of finding ‘the one’. This Sydney meet-up happens every Friday night in varying locations (check the address beforehand) and provides the perfect atmosphere to unwind and indulge in some free canapés and a glass or two of wine whilst mingling with like-minded singles. There are no score cards or embarrassing timed conversations here, just a chilled vibe and plenty of opportunities to let the love (and outrageous flirting) flow.

Café Chicane Shop 2, 10 Bond St Sydney, NSW, 2000 www.meetup.com

Melbourne

Wednesday 20th November 2013, 7:30pm onwards – ‘Professionals Night’ It appears Melbourne has a lot to offer its single guys and gals; variety certainly seems to be the spice of life if you’re looking for love in this city. At melbournespeeddate.com.au there are tons of regular events held all over Melbourne to suit everyone. Sports nuts can be stars of the track, field, and bedroom (cheeky) with special nights dedicated to those that love to get physical. The ‘Multicultural’ nights are an equally cool way for people from different ethnic backgrounds to meet up and find love. There’s even a night for ballin’ peeps that earn six-figure salaries or above! Sip champagne and swap stories about Daddy’s new multi-million dollar oil investment or plan a cosy trip to the Seychelles together, it’s up to you. Can we pretend just for the night?

Us hard-working lot at BBM really like the sound of ‘Professionals Night’ though.

The chance to mingle with like-minded, career-orientated hotties gets us going.

There’s nothing like mixing a little business with pleasure, right? Turn up and unwind after a long day at the office and maybe find someone who loves working weekends as much as you do. Girls aged 25-38 and boys aged 28-43 should book now to avoid disappointment.

Mofo Lounge 157 Greville St. Prahran www.melbournespeeddate.com.au

44 www.bbmlive.com

Perth

Wednesday 6th November 2013, 7pm to 10pm – Speed Dating (23-35-yearolds) Prepare to slip into the dating world, New York-style at The Ellington Jazz Club.

Whether you love the bubbly or the beer, you’ll find that both are complimentary as well as those all-important canapés (can’t have a speed date without a canapé). Soak up the jazz as well as the slick atmosphere while you decide who’s getting that elusive second date and who’s getting the cold shoulder (brutal but necessary). Entry to this event comes with a handy ‘Admit one’ to frequent the club again in the near future… perhaps with your new date on your arm.

The Ellington Jazz Club 191 Beaufort Street Perth, WA 6000 www.dare2date.com.au

BBM’s Top Tips For speed Dating

BBM’s Top Five Tips for Speed Dating (or ‘How Not to Make a Tit of Yourself’) Always prepare some interesting facts about yourself before attending the event.

Six minutes of talk-time requires snappy, witty and most importantly INTERESTING repartee. Let’s not leave them thinking your most exciting fact is that you have three cats when the buzzer sounds.

Dress to impress.

It’s a sad but true fact that people always judge a book by its cover. Leave your potential future life partner thinking you’re more James Bond than Harry Potter.

Leave them wanting more.

So you’ve won them over with your dazzling conversation and hilarious Miley Cyrus impressions, but now what? Make sure you retain an air of mystery and elusiveness to ensure that second date is in the bag.

Don’t overdo it on the complimentary bubbly.

We all know a cheeky glass of vino does wonders for easing the nerves and letting the conversation flow naturally, but take it too far and you run the risk of entering embarrassing territory. All sorts can happen. Stick to juice after the first hour, yeah?

Be yourself.

Yawn. Biggest cliché ever right? Maybe so, but there’s no point giving it the big one about your skydiving trophies and Lamborghini when you’re afraid of heights and own a Ford Fiesta. There’s someone out there for everyone so make sure to rock the real you.

By Lesley-Jane Carroll

Speed dating is having some kind of retro resurgence. One could say it used to be the very essence of horny single-dom in the 90s: getting dolled up to head to the community centre, sitting awkwardly at a tiny table with a complete stranger, waiting to be ‘saved by the bell’. Well apparently it’s back in. Who’d have thought? If the failings of Internet dating have you deleting your Tindr account, removing all evidence of embarrassing selfies and disconnecting the wifi, then look no further. We’ll be giving you the rundown on the best speed dating events in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Brisbane… get ready to go face-to-face.

www.bbmlive.com 45

ADVERTISE HERE

46 www.bbmlive.com

www.bbmlive.com 47

TRAVEL NEW ZEALAND & FIJI

Things to do in New Zealand

SKYDIVING

SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

RAFTING

RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz

JET BOATING SHOTOVER JET

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

GLACIER GUIDING FOX GLACIER GUIDING 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

RIVER BOARDING

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

ACCOMMODATION CHRISTCHURCH

CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS

BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

QUEENSTOWN

AUCKLAND

BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.

WELLINGTON

NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.

GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Fiji ACCOMMODATION

THINGS TO DO

BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.com www.beachcomberfiji.com

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com

THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com

THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT * HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport.

Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com

48 www.bbmlive.com

NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

SKYDIVING

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

SCUBA DIVING

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING & WATERSPORTS Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

Things to do in Australia SKYDIVING

SYDNEY SKYDIVERS 745 Picton Road, Wilton, New South Wales, Australia 2571 Ph: 1800 805 997 admin@sydneyskydivers.com.au www.sydneyskydivers.com.au SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au SOUTHERN SKYDIVERS Busselton Regional Airport, Bussleton, WA Free: 1300 449 669 skydive@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au SKYDIVE BYRON BAY Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351, Coffs Harbour, NSW, 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA

NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach, 230 Sugarloaf Rd, Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au

GHOST TOURS LANTERN GHOST TOURS Melbourne & Goldcoast Ph: 1300 390 119 www.lanternghosttours.com enquiry@lanternghosttours.com Experience the multi award winning Lantern Ghost Tours, offering small group tours of Australia’s most haunted locations.

ADVENTURE TOURS

GOIN SOUTH Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.facebook.com/goinsouthtours TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg, SA, 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD, 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: 07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 08 8212 0211 info@surfandsun.com.au www.surfandsun.com.au KANGAROO ISLAND ADVENTURE TOURS Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.kiadventuretours.com.au MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING L4, 362 Kent St, Sydney, NSW, 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com BUNYIP TOURS 570 Flinders Street Melbourne Victoria, 3000 1300 286 947 info@bunyiptours.com www.bunyiptours.com PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 , Yarra Glen, VIC, 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com.au

KITE SURFING

KITESURF 1770 IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

SURF SCHOOLS

MOJO SURF 2/9 Marvell St, Byron Bay, 2481, NSW Ph: 1800 113 044 reservations@mojosurf.com www.mojosurf.com GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURF TOURS 55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 +61 3 5261 3730 info@gorsurftours.com.au www.gorsurftours.com.au GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com SURF SHACK Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au GO SURFING BYRON BAY Ph: 02 6685 7099 gosurfingbyronbay@gmail.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com LETS GO SURFING Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com Marine Charters ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au JET SKI SAFARIS Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au

PARADISE JET BOATING Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

BIKE RIDING TOURS

ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

ZORB BALLS

OZ BALL GOLD COAST (TEMPORARILY CLOSED) Go Zorbing with Oz Ball.

Ph: 07 5547 6300 info@ozball.com.au www.infomaps.com.au/attractions_listings/ozball

WINE AND BEER TOURS

PRIME MINI TOURS Melrose Park, SA, 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 info@primeminitours.com www.primeminitours.com

HIDDEN SECRET TOURS Melbourne CBD Ph: 03 9663 3358 tours@hiddensecrettours.com www.hiddensecretstours.com CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au BIG NIGHT OUT Surfers Paradise Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net FROG & TOAD BAR HOP Cairns Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 partyincairns@bigpond.com www.partyincairns.com

BOWLING

STRIKE BOWLING Nationwide Ph:1300 787453 www.strikebowling.com.au PADDO BOWLS 2 Quarry Street Paddington NSW, 2021 Ph: 02936 1150

TRANSPORT

MIGHTY CAMPERS Nationwide Ph: 1800 670 232 www.mightycampers.com.au GREAT SOUTHERN RAIL Nationwide Ph: 1800 703 357 www.greatsouthernrail.com.au TRAVELLERS AUTOBARN Nationwide Ph: 1800 674 374 www.travellers-autobarn.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 49

ACCOMMODATION LISTINGS NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY

WORLD SQUARE HOSTEL 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 worldsquarehostel.com.au SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au OXFORD COURT ACCOMMODATION Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Cafesbs@bigpond.net.au Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers.

Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests.

THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off!

(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

WEST END BACKPACKERS 12 Pitt St Sydney NSW, 2000 Ph: 02 9211 4588 Free Phone: 1800 013 186 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.nomadsworld.com/westend BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au

PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au BIG HOSTEL Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’MALLEY’S HOTEL 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au THE ROYAL HOTEL 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au

SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES

SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year.

Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES

CRONULLA BEACH YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au HUNTER VALLEY Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

KATOOMBA

KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

50 www.bbmlive.com

BYRON BAY

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

LAKE TABOURIE

LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

QUEENSLAND BRISBANE

BASE BRISBANE UPTOWN 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 24 2273 uptown@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind.

Minimum 2 week stay BASE BRISBANE CENTRAL 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 brisbane@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au BRISBANE CITY YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

GOLDCOAST

TREKKERS BACKPACKERS 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au SURFERS PARADISE YHA AT MAIN BEACH Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE

40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com SURF N SUN Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets

ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT Cnr. Beach Road and Surfers Paradise Blvd Surfers Paradise QLD 4217 Ph: +61 7 5538 8000 Toll free: 1800 074 393

res@islander.com.au

www.islander.com.au/Backpackers Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RSRT Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

NOOSA

NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com

HERVEY BAY

NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770

(Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

CAIRNS CAIRNS SHARE HOUSE 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com DREAMTIME TRAVELLERS REST 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.)

Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com

MISSION BEACH ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

WHITSUNDAYS BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

AIRLIE BEACH AIRLIE BEACH YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION

PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au

WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

COTTESLOE

MONKEY MIA

RAINBOW BEACH

PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH

OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS Cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com

PERTH

RAINBOW LODGE 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION

MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

KUNUNURRA

KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

BROOME

BEACHES OF BROOME 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

VICTORIA MILDURA

REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

GREAT OCEAN ROAD

JOHANNA BEACH COTTAGES 225 Blue Johanna Road Johanna Heights Victoria 3238 (03) 5237 4224 cottages@johannabeach.com www.johannabeach.com

HALLS GAP

BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

MELBOURNE

EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street , Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au BACK OF CHAPEL 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only).

MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au

INDEPENDENT & BUDGET TRAVELER ACCOMMODATION PROVIDER Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall. com.au

ST. KILDA

ALICE SPRINGS

JACKSON APARTMENTS 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 or 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20! FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE

APOLLO BAY

APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au ECO BEACH YHA ECO-HOSTEL 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

HALLS GAP

GRAMPIANS YHA ECO-HOSTEL Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN

ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au MAJESTIC MINIMA HOTEL 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com ADELAIDE SHAKESPEARE INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

SAVE MONEY & PAY NO COMMISSION

BY BOOKING DIRECT ON ALL YOUR TRAVEL ACCOMMODATION & ACTIVITIES! TO LIST YOUR BUSINESS CALL or EMAIL BBM NOW

02 8005 8162 marketing@what-media.com

www.bbmlive.com 51

RECRUITMENT NEWS

Get Your rsa & rsg certificates

GETTING YOUR TAX BACK

If you’re considering applying for bar or casino work, you won’t get anywhere without one of these...

We’ve all been in the same boat when travelling… you want to enjoy your days to explore your new surroundings, but you need a bit of cash to make sure you can actually do so. That’s why bar work is often the ticket when it comes to making a living whilst travelling. But do bear in mind that they have different rules and regulations regarding alcohol and gambling in Australia, so you’ll need a couple of certificates so you can gain employment in the spheres of gambling and alcohol.

Once fresh off of the plane Down Under, get your Responsible Service of Alcohol (RSA) certificate as soon as possible. You definitely need one of these to work with alcohol as no matter how much bar experience you have, without an RSA you won’t even get an interview. It’s illegal to work behind a bar or even in a licensed café or restaurant without one, and this law is heavily enforced. RSA officers patrol venues and establishments often and they will demand to see your certificate (which needs to be stored on-site at all times) for your employer.

It all sounds terribly official and scary, but it’s all protocol and can be achieved quite painlessly! You need to complete the training course and ace an assessment, but once that’s done and you get your mitts on that certificate, then you’re free to work. “Say what? An assessment?!” I hear you cry! Don’t sweat it. The course is very straightforward and is designed to equip you with the skills and knowledge to safely serve alcohol. A lot of it is pure common sense and is in alignment with the laws of responsible service of alcohol of each individual state of Australia.

The basic gist of the course is to ensure that you have had training in every aspect of the legalities behind alcohol serving. It involves recognising if someone is intoxicated or under age, as it is illegal to serve these individuals. Failure to abide to these rules can lead to extreme penalties to both employer and employee, especially if the customer becomes injured! It covers problems with excessive consumption of alcohol, general facts about alcohol, providing a safe environment for patrons, and general alcohol laws.

However because of the different states, you may need to retake the RSA course if you move states as the laws may vary. Or make sure that you do a course that is accredited for all of Australia, which makes sense if you’re planning on travelling a lot!

After successfully completing your assessment, you’ll be issued a certificate that you should keep safe for all future employers. You ain’t getting hired without one so don’t forget to mention it on your C.V! Some states allow you to do the course online, but Victoria and Tasmania require you to do it in person and attend the four-hour session (around $45 - $50).

52 www.bbmlive.com

The assessment is open-book so you have access to your notes, and www.rsacoursemelbourne.com has great courses available in Melbourne’s CBD that run in both mornings and evenings.

If you’re coming to the end of your travels, don’t forget that you could be owed some tax back from slaving away all those hours trying to get by in this expensive country.

The good news is that you can claim your tax back either before you leave the country or at the end of the financial year which is 30th June, whichever happens first.

The New South Wales course can be done online, but takes six hours to complete and is about $130! Ouch.

As some states (like NSW) allow you to complete the course online, you can complete it in your home country. It means you can save time when you’ve arrived, but as you may be far away in your home country, you can’t ask around for advice of the best courses to do!

In Australia, tax rates range from between 13 to 29% depending on the type of work and how long you spend in the country. If you are a temporary worker, then this amount will show up on your wage slip and accumulates on a weekly basis. This amount is then forwarded to the Australian Tax Office (ATO) by your employer.

The courses are run by many independent bodies so can vary greatly in price, and like usual, if you go cheap you may forgo quality. Bad training means you might be more likely to fail the assessment. Most online courses require you to contact a trainer if you fail a question twice, so better training means a faster route to getting qualified! Check out rsacoursesonline. com for the best ones available. Also check out Onlinersa.com.au and hia.edu.au for more information and online training courses.

Now you know where it goes, but how do you apply to get it back? The easy way to get this back is by letting someone else do it.

Backpackertaxrefunds.com.au are specialists with many years of experience in Australian Income Tax and is a godsend to all lazy, time deficient working holiday-makers and foreign students. Even if you simply want a quote of how much you are due, you can pay a visit to their Tax Back Quote page and request a free refund quote. They take a fee of 9.9% of the amount of your tax back, but this is capped at $165, so you won’t have to pay any more than this, and there are absolutely no hidden charges. They also operate on a no refund, no fee basis, meaning all you have to do is register and fill in their tax pack then wait.

So with tough laws regarding alcohol, you can bet your bottom dollar (excuse the pun) that there are similar proceedings for jobs within gambling establishments.

If you’re after this kind of employment, you will need to complete the Responsible Service of Gambling (RSG) or the Responsible Conduct of Gambling (RCG) course. Even though you may not be working in a fancy swanky casino, gambling machines dubbed as ‘pokies’ (basically slot machines) are rife in Aussie drinking venues i.e. pubs and hotels. And unfortunately with playing the pokies being a very popular pastime in Australia, it means gambling addictions are high.

By doing the RSG course, it’ll allow you to be trained in detecting and recognising problem gamblers, and then how to take the appropriate actions. If you’re pretty sure you’re only going to be working in a bar or café/restaurant without a pokie slot machine lurking on the premises, then you’ll probably be fine just with an RSA. Like the RSA, you can do it online or in a class depending on which state you’re in, but unlike the RSA, an RSG isn’t mandatory in every state! TAS, VIC and NSW require you to physically attend a class, or you could save money by doing your RSA and RSG rolled into one course!

The RSA and RCG will give you the freedom to apply for any job in Australia. Whether it’s bar work, cocktail serving, café and restaurant employment – all the avenues of hospitality will be open for you! Then you get the fun of choosing which venue is right for you.

By Sophie Saint. Image courtesy of Nich Desarmo.

The second way is to fill in the forms yourself.

The ATO has provided a service called Etax which can be completed online if you have all the information at hand and should take under an hour. Of course, you will need to provide some information so keep a hold of your wage-slips and most importantly your PAYG (Pay As You Go payment summary).

The next thing you should check is the fee you would be paying. Be highly suspect of percentage fees and when in doubt use a company that offers a flat fee that you are happy with which is usually around $100.

Also, check in advance for hidden fees as some charge admin fees and even a fee to transfer the funds into your account.

Whilst that feeling of being short changed may be all too familiar the end of June suddenly feels like Christmas with the anticipation of a four figure bonus from the ATO, be careful how you arrange your taxback to ensure you receive the full amount and when in doubt go to someone you can trust. After that just think about what you can do with all that extra cash.

Temp & Semi Perm Staff Wanted Nationally Hospitality / Promotions / Tele-Sales / Face to Face / Admin / Child Care / Recruitment email your cv and a brief cover letter telling us a bit about yourself to info@what-media.com

www.bbmlive.com 53

MIGRATION NEWS

Everything You Need To Know About Partner Visas

Every year, the Australian government grants around 190,000 permanent residence visas. A little over 60,000 of these visas are allocated to the family stream.

Partner visas take up a whopping 47,000 places in this family stream each year. This figure does not include the many thousands of people who join their partners on temporary visas such as the 457 visa, student visas or New Zealand family relationship visas.

So what are partner visas and how do they work?

As the name implies, these visas are for overseas nationals who are in a relationship with an Australian permanent resident, Australian citizen or “eligible” New Zealand citizen.

There are a number of different options to consider:

The partner/de facto visa application will still need to show proof that the relationship is genuine and on-going. Examples of documents that assist in evidencing relationships include: Statutory declarations by you and friends, photos, joint and/or separate utility bills, joint bank accounts, envelopes postmarked and letters coming to the same address, rental agreements, phone bills showing calls to each other, joint membership of clubs etc.

For couples who have been together for less than three years, the initial partner visa is a two-year temporary visa. On the two-year anniversary of the first application, couples need to show evidence that they are still together to allow grant of permanent residence. Where couples can give evidence of a long-term relationship of more than three years, the application can go straight to permanent residence.

Partner visa applications can be made in Australia or from outside Australia. The visa fee is currently $4,575 if lodged in Australia or $3,085 if lodged outside Australia, but this is liable to change at any time.

If the overseas partner has some other temporary visa in Australia, it’s usually better to lodge onshore in Australia. There are long processing times for partner visa applications (expect around nine to twelve months), however, when applying in Australia, a bridging visa is granted. The bridging visa comes into effect when your current visa expires, allowing you to stay in Australia until a decision is made on your new application.

The most appropriate visa application may depend on whether you have been living together and for how long, or are engaged or married. In all cases, strong evidence of a genuine and on-going relationship is needed. This applies even to married couples, so simply rushing out and getting married won’t make a person eligible for a partner visa.

Recent changes mean that bridging visas for partner applicants have no work restrictions; this means that once the bridging visa comes into force, you can work full time for any employer for any length of time. There are long processing times for partner visa applications; expect around nine to twelve months depending on where the application is made.

Probably, the most common applicants are couples who are in a de facto relationship - living together, but not married. The normal immigration requirement for a de facto visa application is that the relationship must have existed for at least 12 months prior to the date of the visa application. This usually means showing that you have been living together for at least 12 months; however, migration regulations do allow an exception where the de facto relationship has been registered under an Australian State or Territory law.

For anyone who has met the love of their life but not lived together, there is a prospective marriage visa.

This is a nine-month visa that allows the overseas partner to come to Australia, and the couple then have nine months in which to get married and apply for the second stage two-year visa mentioned above. To apply for a prospective marriage visa you need to be in a genuine relationship, show you have met and know each other and have set a date to marry.

Currently, NSW, Queensland, Victoria, ACT and Tasmania allow de facto relationship registration.

This works for hetero and same-sex couples. The rules are different in each state but generally all require at least one of the partners to be considered resident in the state.

On approval, a certificate is issued. This relationship registration certificate is accepted by Immigration in lieu of 12 months relationship evidence. So, it is possible to make an application for a partner visa with less than 12 months evidence.

54 www.bbmlive.com

Partner visas have no upper age limit, English language tests or skill requirements; as a result this stream has been one of the most abused with a high rate of bogus applications. The Department of Immigration conducts many checks on applications.

Most importantly, it is critical to have a welldocumented application so think about asking a registered migration agent to assess your best option and perhaps assist with your application: mia.org.au

Skilled Occupation List...

So you’re looking for a way to stay in Australia and getting a straight forward 457 Sponsorship or 2nd year working holiday visa is proving a little more difficult than planned. In an effort to help the British and Irish population to escape the cold weather, low wages and long working hours, we’ve decided to put together a monthly migration section to bring you upto date info on the latest jobs on the SOL (Skilled Occupation List), info on changes to visas requirments and tips and tricks that will help you secure the all important long stay visa or Permanent Visa.

Here’s some of the jobs that will help you get that visa and keep you in the sunshine!

Hospital Pharmacist Retail Pharmacist Quantity Surveyor Construction Project Manager Landscape Architect Secondary School Teacher Special Needs Teacher Occupational Health and Safety Advisor Welfare Centre Manager Nurse Midwife Social Worker Automotive Electrician Locksmith Stonemason Carpenter & Joiner Glazier Roof Plumber Glass Fitter Accountant (General) Solicitor Paediatrician Teacher of the Hearing Impaired Software Engineer Welder Locksmith Electrician Dental Hygienist Boat Builder Lift Mechanic Clinical Psychologist Dermatologist Dentist Plant Engineer Sonographer Optometrist Surgeon (General) ICT Business Analyst Project Builder Child Care Centre Manager Taxation Accountant Internal Auditor Ship’s Master Civil Engineer Early Childhood (Pre-Primary School) Teacher Chiropractor

NB: This skills list is subject to change without notice. At the time of writing the text was correct.

John McQuaid, Director of Arrive Australia, talks through the ins and outs of Partner Visas. Originally from Northern Ireland, McQuaid has been in Australia since the early 90s and now lives in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, so he knows a thing or two about the old migrations business...

56 www.bbmlive.com