BBM Magazine June 2012

JUNE HIGHLIGHTS CRISSY CRIS

Whilst Crissy holds the record for the youngest DJ to have ever broadcast on Radio 1, his talents stretch even further. With a wealth of productions under his belt, including his crowd smashing Dubstep anthem ‘Kick Snare,’ ‘Skibadee’s Tick Tock,’ and a massive range of others, including his massive new EP ‘Now More Than Ever.’ 2012 is set to be a big year for Crissy Criss so make sure you’re available Friday 1st June when he destroys the Laundry.

What: Crissy Cris When: Friday 1 June Where: Chinese Laundry, Sydney Price: See club for details For more information visit www.chineselaundryclub.com.au

SISTER SLEDGE

Gusto is proud to announce that the diva with the instantly recognisable vocals from one of the most successful girl groups of all time will tour Australia’s east coast as Sister Sledge ft. Kathy Sledge, playing The Hi Fi in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane across the Queen’s Birthday Weekend on Thursday, June 7, Friday June 8 and Saturday June 9, respectively. With the recent triumphant tour of former label mates, Chic proving that disco is alive and well, Sister Sledge ft. Kathy Sledge will transform The Hi Fi into the best disco in town for one night only in each of the three cities.

What: Sister Sledge When: Thursday 7 June – Saturday 9 June Where: Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane Price: $79 - $89 For more information visit www.gusto.com.au

EAST 17

Yes you read that correctly, British boy band East 17 has reformed, and they are touring Australia. With 20 million albums, eighteen top 20 singles, four top ten albums, no ‘90s pop revival could ever be complete without the inclusion of East 17. From the release of their monster 1992 smash debut single ‘House Of Love’, East 17 instantly won a million hearts. What followed was a string of impressive hits including ‘Deep’, ‘It’s Alright’ and ‘Stay Another Day’ which showcased a grittier streetwise edge to the group’s song writing, proving the antithesis to the pop music of the day and cementing the Walthamstow quintet at the forefront of popular music for the decade.

What: East 17 When: Thursday 7 June – Friday 15 June Where: Fremantle, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Adelaide Price: $49 + BF For more information visit www.east17official.com

THE BLACK SEEDS

With their newly released album, the New Zealand reggae-soul heavyweights will perform eight shows across Australia in June, including Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane and Byron Bay. Renowned globally for their epic live shows, and on the back of their performance at the 2011 Splendour In the Grass Festival, the tour will see the band unleashing tracks from the new album on Australian audiences for the first time.

What: The Black Seeds Dust and Dirt World Release Tour When: Thursday 7 June - Sunday 17 June Where: Venues all over the country Price: $36 For more information visit www.theblackseeds.com

DAVID DALLAS

David Dallas is known as one of the most gifted wordsmiths New Zealand Hip Hop has to offer. Part of the Dirty Records roster, this valued lyricist has a soonto-drop solo debut simply titled ‘Something Awesome,’ on the way. Catch him at this one-off Melbourne show at the Espy.

What: David Dallas (NZ) When: Friday 8 June Where: The Espy Gershwin Room, Melbourne Price: $20 + BF For more Information go to www.espy.com.au

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360

Following unprecedented demand, a sold out national tour and chaotic scenes from in-store signings, 360 announces The Flying Tour, featuring both 18+ and underage shows to cater for the entire army. Rather than playing massive stadiums, Sixty is treating his followers to gigs at smaller venues that allow them to get up close and very personal with the man himself.

Booking Ahead JUNE

1 LANIE LANE The Metro, Sydney, $22 1 TZU The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $20 + BF 2 DEF FX with INSURGE The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $38 2 THE MISSION IN MOTION The Tote Hotel, Melbourne, $15.30 2 LIGHT ASYLUM The Toff In Town, Melbourne, What: 360 The Flying Tour $31.60 When: Friday 8 June – Friday 29 June 2 BAD TASTE TOUR Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $30 Where: Venues all over the country + BF Price: $30 + BF 2 WHITAKER ALBUM LAUNCH Northcote Social Club, For more information visit www.360music.com.au Melbourne , $12 + BF 2 MINISTRY OF SOUND ELECTRO HOUSE GUY J SESSIONS TOUR Chinese Laundry, Sydney, TBC This guy doesn’t really need an introduction to lovers 3 ZOLA JESUS L.A. The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $40 of Progressive House, but for those not in the know, + BF he has emerged over the last four years to become a 7 BABY BOMBSHELLS – NEWCOMER CONTEST The leading force of the Israeli Dance Music juggernaut.

Toff In Town, Melbourne, $35 + BF He’s constantly developing and evolving his own unique 7 BURN THE FLOOR The Enmore Theatre, Sydney, and emotion-charged sound, which leaves you with $34.90 - $109 your hands firmly in the air. Don’t miss him at Chinese 7 MAT MCHUGH The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $20 + Laundry this June.

BF 8 BONJAH The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $18 + BF What: Guy J 8 REEF Billboard, Melbourne, $61.20 When: Saturday 16 June 8 MEAT KATIE Chinese Laundry, Sydney, TBC Where: Chinese Laundry, Sydney 9 REEF The Metro, Sydney, $60 Price: See club for details 9 MARK KOZELEK The Toff In Town, Melbourne, For more information log on to $36 + BF www.chineselaundryclub.com.au 9 CHRIS LIEBING Chinese Laundry, TBC 10 TREVOR ROCKCLIFFE The Metro, Sydney, THE POPES $60 Irish folk-rock band are making their way to Melbourne. A 10 FUTURE NOW Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $55 group formerly led by Shane MacGowan of The Pogues, 11 NADEAH The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $30 + BF the band’s line-up may have changed over its 18-year 12 MATT CORBY The Metro, Sydney, $33.70 history but its quintessential ‘Paddy Beat’ hasn’t. With 13-15 TINA ARENA Sydney Opera House, Sydney, $49tracks such as ‘Don’t Let The Bastards Grind You Down,’ $129 ‘Rock & Roll Paddy’ and ‘Outlaw Heaven,’ this band can 13-16 LADY GAGA Entertainment Centre, Brisbane, make even the grumpiest of scrooges get up and dance. $79.90 14 VULGARGRAD Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, What: The Popes $16 + BF When: Wednesday 20 June 15 GRAVEYARD TRAIN The Metro, Sydney, $28.70 Where: The Corner Hotel, Melbourne 15 DOCTOR WEREWOLF & THE ABYSS Chinese Price: $49 + BF Laundry, Sydney, TBC For more information visit www.cornerhotel.com 16 THE BAMBOOS The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $35 + BF SELECT MUSIC 7TH BIRTHDAY PARTY 17 BURIED IN VERONA The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $20 + BF To celebrate Select Music’s 7th Birthday, they’ve decided 17 NEW EMPIRE The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $15 + bf to throw a massive party - with a purpose. They’re 20 THE POPES The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $52 getting together some of their amazing acts including 20-24 LADY GAGA Allphones Arena, Sydney, $79.90 Bluejuice, Ball Park Music, Lior, Bob Evans, Hungry Kids 22 BUSBY MAROU Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $20 + of Hungary, Something With Numbers, The John Steel BF Singers, Midnight Juggernauts DJ’s & many more to 28 BUSBY MAROU The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $20 play on one night across some of Sydney’s most exciting + BF venues. The main aim of the night is to raise money for 22 BOSS BASS ft J-TRICK Chinese Laundry, Sydney, beyondblue; a charity devoted to raising awareness and TBC 23 PARIS WELLS The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $15.20 helping prevent depression. And you’re invited!

23 SURKIN Chinese Laundry, Sydney, TBC What: Select Music 7th Birthday Party for beyondblue 27-30 LADY GAGA Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne, $79.90 When: Thursday 21 June Where: The Standard, Upstairs Beresford, Oxford 28 KIRIN J CALLINAN The Tote Hotel, Melbourne, $15 Art Factory, OAF Gallery, Phoenix Bar – Sydney + BF 29 TANTRUM DESIRE Chinese Laundry, Sydney, TBC Price: $20 For more information go to www.beyondblue.org.au 30 SUGAR ARMY The Tote Hotel, Melbourne, $18.40 30 EDU IMBERNON & THE ASTON SHUFFLE DJs Chinese Laundry, Sydney, TBC

OLIVER TANK

To celebrate Oliver Tank’s homecoming, he is throwing a series of parties in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide.

Continuing to take on the world, Oliver Tank is currently in the UK to perform at The Great Escape and Liverpool Sound City, with extra shows around the UK thrown in for good measure. In between the madness he will also be dropping into XFM’s London studio to record a live session. 2012 has kicked off with a bang, having already supported Active Child, Youth Lagoon, Bonobo and Megan Washington! After sold out shows supporting the release of his debut EP ‘Dreams’ back in February this year, these shows are not to be missed.

What: Oliver Tank When: Thursday 21 June – Sunday 24 June Where: Melbourne, Adelaide and Sydney Price: $12 + BF For more information log on to www.olivertank.tumblr.com

JULY

1 HUGO RACE Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $15 + BF 5 FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS Sydney Opera House, Sydney, $86.50 + BF 6 ENEI Brown Alley, Melbourne, $15 + BF 6 THE GOOD SHIP Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $12 + BF 6&7 HEROES FOR HIRE Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $15 + BF 7 GOAT WHORE The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $39.99 + BF 7 THE NIGHT TERRORS The Toff In Town, Melbourne, $10 + BF 7 BASEMENT Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $20 + BF 7 & 8 HARDCORE 2012 The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $30 + BF 7 & 8 LADY GAGA Burswood Dome, Perth, $79.90 11 & 12 MELISSA ETHERIDGE Sydney Opera House, Sydney, $99.95 - $130.20 + BF 12 KARNIVOOL The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $40 + BF 13 WAYNE BRADY The Enmore Theatre, Sydney, $89 14 TERROR The Corner Hotel, Sydney, $32 + BF 14 SAY ANYTHING The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $50 + BF 15 NINE SONS OF DAN The Metro, Sydney, $15 17 BENJAMIN FRANCIS LEFTWICH Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $20 + BF 17 LADYHAWKE Billboard, Melbourne, $40 + BF 18 LADYHAWKE The Metro, Sydney, $68.85 20 EMMA LOUISE Oxford Art Factory, Sydney, $15 + BF 24 HOWLER & ZULU WINTER The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $44 + BF 25 HOWLER & ZULU WINTER Oxford Art Factory, Sydney , $44 + BF 25 FRIENDS Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $36.50 + BF 25 FUN. The Metro, Sydney, $44.30 26 METRIC The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $48 + BF 27 METRIC Billboard, Melbourne, $48 + BF 26 & 27 LANA DEL REY The Enmore Theatre, Sydney, SOLD OUT 27 MUDHONEY The Corner Hotel, Melbourne, $50 + BF 27-29 THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS Sydney Opera House, Sydney, $49 - $145 28 DIESEL Northcote Social Club, Melbourne, $37 + BF 28 HOUSE Vs HURRICANE The Hi-Fi, Sydney, $25 + BF

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CONTENTS | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |

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BBM EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby richard.gadsby@what-media.com Online News Editor Ella White staffwriter@what-media.com CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, Frankie Salt, Amy Baker, Hannah Kurzawski, David Mahoney, Jeremy Williams, Ella Delancey, Sarah Wilk, Robin Lewis, Alexandra MacLeod, Alex Cull, Jason Barr, William David Wilson, Fanny Frangipane, Omar Solimon, Peter Simpson, Robert Bramhill, Dani Nortje, Tina Edwards, Lewis Roe, Gareth Thomas, Meredith Berman, Alex Carter Noske WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber & Jess Comber HEAD DESIGNER Jess Comber E: jess@gowesthandbook.com FOR PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir E: tom.shakir@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 Peter Bennett E: marketing1@bbmlive.com P: +61 8 9433 6162 For listings and classifieds E: info@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 PrinteD BY Spotpress

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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY Art exhibitions This Month

Head On Portrait Prize

When you think of Sydney, ‘art galleries’ may not be the first thought that pops into your head, but this city is bursting with them. Paintings, sculpture, photography, video - Sydney has it all to offer. So for those who want to try something a little different to the average traveller activities and antics, here are our favourite current exhibitions and shows appearing in Sydney galleries right now.

The Other’s Other Exhibition

This exhibition focuses on the fluidity of territorial borders, and how migration has an effect on cultural identification. It includes new and recent work from leading Australian and international artists who explore the concepts of home and cultural belonging. Leading to a sense of longing, relief and distance as you compare two cultures, you start to question your belonging and acceptance.

When: 9 May - 17 June 2012 Where: Artspace Visual Arts Centre, 43 - 51 Cowper Wharf Road, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Phone: (02) 9356 0555 More info: www.artspace.org.au

Australian Symbolism: The Art Of Dreams

Symbolism art shows altered realities conjured by the mind, as opposed to representing the real world. Australian Symbolism: The Art Of Dreams consists of 70 paintings, sculptures, photographs and decorative art by Australian artists working in both Europe and Australia, who have used Symbolist themes to define Australian conditions.

When: 11 May – 29 July 2012 Where: Art Gallery of New South Wales, Art Gallery Road, The Domain, 2000 Phone: (02) 9225 1744 More info: www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au

18th Biennale of Sydney: all our relations

Art from the last century was largely focused on separation, negativity and disruption of strategies of change. Now attention is being drawn to how things connect, and how we relate to each other and the world.

This exhibition shows new stories, thoughts and patterns emerging, with international artists collaborating to create works that relates as if they evolve from each other.

When: 27 June – 16 September 2012 Where: Museum of Contemporary Art, 140 George Street, The Rocks, Sydney NSW 2000 Phone: (02) 9245 2400 More info: www.mca.com.au

As part of the Head On Photo Festival, the Australian Centre for Photography will host an exhibition of the finalists of the 2012 Head On Portrait Prize. This competition is Australia’s major innovative showcase for portrait photography, with emphasis placed on the quality and impact of an image rather than the photographer or subject.

When: 5 May – 17 June 2012 Where: Australian Centre for Photography, 257 Oxford Street, Paddington NSW 2021 Australia Phone: (02) 9332 0555 More info: www.acp.org.au

Fish In Australian Art

Fish have appeared in Australian art for thousands of years, whether they feature on a dinner table or in the ocean. This unique exhibition looks at Australian rock art to contemporary art and reveals how the wonder of fish is an enduring inspiration for artists.

When: 5 April – 1 October 2012 Where: Australian National Maritime Museum, 2 Murray Street, Sydney NSW 2000 Phone: (02) 9298 3777 More info: www.anmm.gov.au

Dick Watkins: Welcome to Chagrin Falls 2012

Australian artist Dick Watkins will be showcasing works at the Liverpool Street Gallery. The exhibition will include his paintings from 2003, Landscapes from 2006, and other collections from the decade including ‘better git it in your soul’, ‘New Work 2010’ and ‘Round the World in 56 Days 2010’.

When: 16 June - 12 July 2012 Where: Liverpool Street Gallery, 243a Liverpool Street East Sydney NSW 2010 Australia Phone: (02) 8353 7799 More info: www.liverpoolstgallery.com.au

Pat Brassington: A heartbeat away & The Pressings

Foregrounding her place as one of Australia’s leading artists, Pat Brassington features in the 2012 Adelaide Biennial Parallel Collisions with the commissioned work A heartbeat away (2011-12). Stills Gallery plays host to ‘A heartbeat away’ with Brassington’s solo exhibition that also features her series The Pressings (2011).

When: 9 May - 16 June 2012 Where: Stills Gallery, 36 Gosbell Street, Paddington, NSW 2021 Phone: (02) 9331 7775 More info: www.stillsgallery.com.au Image top right: The Pressings #3, 2011, 85 x 115cm, Pigment Print, Edition of 8 + 2AP by Pat Brassington, Stills Gallery.

By Hannah Kurzawski

Get Together The best places for group meals Whether it’s someone’s birthday, farewells or just a general gathering, get-togethers are always popping up on our calendars. From group meals to just casual drinks, there is always the argument at the end when it comes to paying the bill, but we reckon that’s all part of the fun.

What we’re really after is some good food, good service and somewhere that keeps the drinks flowing. Here are some of our favourite places for get-togethers in Sydney.

The White Horse

The White Horse boasts a restaurant, bar and lounge all looked over by their giant silver stallion. Being in luxury surroundings doesn’t necessarily mean you have to pay luxury prices - luckily for us they also have great deals on offer. On Mondays and Tuesdays pizzas are half price at both lunch and dinner. Wednesdays and Thursdays you can treat yourself to $10 cocktails, $10 grazing plates and $15 cocktail jugs perfect for sharing from 6pm till 10pm.

Friday and Saturday 4pm till 7pm is happy hour(s) which means $4 drinks with resident DJs playing a smooth blend of disco and deep house to help them go down that little bit easier.

If that wasn’t enough, if you mention BBM when booking your group get together here, you’ll get a $25 bar tab*. Nice.

Where: 381 - 385 Crown Street, Surry Hills, NSW 2010 Phone: (02) 8333 9999 More info: www.thewhitehorse.com.au

The Australian Heritage Hotel

Everybody loves a good pizza, and if you don’t, it’s probably because you’re a bit weird. The Australian Heritage Hotel offer delicious pizza with an array of Australian beers and wines to accompany. Fancy some Pepper Kangaroo pizza or a slice of the Salt Water Crocodile?

Well here you can have just that, surrounded

by Edwardian style architecture and a constant crowd of friendly faces. Winner of the ‘Best Pub’ Award from Time Out Sydney Magazine, these guys know what they’re doing – this place has been around for almost a hundred years.

Where: 100 Cumberland Street, The Rocks, Sydney 2000 Phone: (02) 9247 2229 More info: www.australianheritagehotel.com

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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY East Village Hotel

Situated at King Street Wharf on Darling Harbour, here you can take in the stunning views whilst celebrating your birthday or permanent residency with your mates. Open till 3am, Thursday to Saturday, you can have dinner and just stay right where you are for those inevitable drinks to follow. For groups of six or more they offer a banquet menu for $40 per person, complete with prawn dumplings, chilli salt squid and banana ice cream brownie for dessert.

Yes please. If none of those are what you fancy, there is plenty more to choose from on the main menu.

Zanzibar

Where: 8 The Promenade King Street Wharf, Sydney NSW 2000 Phone: (02) 9299 4660 More info: www. bungalow8sydney.com Paddo Bowls

Fancy a dinner with a view? Zanzibar is situated in the heart of the King Street area and boasts a rooftop that treats you to unforgettable views and unforgettable fine dining. Here you can watch the sun set on Sydney, and choose from a selection of reasonably priced steaks, grills, sandwiches, tapas and salads. In addition to the rooftop are the main bar and the newly renovated cocktail lounge bar and bistro.

If you’re after food that is chic and contemporary, we suggest dining at the East Village Hotel. A lovingly restored heritage hotel, here you can eat downstairs at the Ground Floor Bar or in the Dining Room. The food here is described as ‘Modern Australian’ - think impressive, hearty steaks and roasted Bangalow pork belly. If funds are tight, the Ground Floor Bar has just reintroduced the $15 lunch menu that runs Monday to Thursday. After your meal, why not pop up to the rooftop where you can take in the stunning views of the Sydney skyline whilst enjoying a few cold drinks.

Where: 234 Palmer St, Darlinghurst, NSW 2010 Phone: (02) 9331 5457 More info: www.theeastvillage.com.au

Bungalow 8

Where: 323 King Street Newtown 2042 Phone: (02) 9519 1511 More info: www.zanzibarnewtown.com.au

Who said bowls was just for the elderly? These guys swear by the motto: ‘Bowls without the Olds!’ with the aim of making the game just that little bit cooler. The best thing about this place is that you can eat while you bowl and there is a wide selection to choose from - breakfast, tapas, canapés, dessert, even a full on BBQ if that’s what you fancy. These however won’t leave you all feeling stuffed, they veer more towards the snack variety. After all, nobody wants to get a stomach-ache after all that sport, do they?

Where: 2 Quarry Street, Paddington NSW, 2021 Phone: (02) 9363 1150 or (02) 9363 0163 More info: www.paddobowls.com.au

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Name This Bar

One of our favourite bars on Oxford Street, Name This Bar is famous for its art battles, colourful walls, and pumping some of the best tunes around.

Think old furniture and warm colours teamed with an urban gallery – it sounds crazy but it works.

You can get some well-priced beers, wine, ciders and cocktails, as well as some great bar food and nibbles. We’re told the dumplings and the dim sum are top notch. We have two $50 bar tabs available for the first two people that call up and mention BBM when booking a group gathering!

Where: 197 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst NSW 2010, Australia Phone: (02)9356 2123 More info: www.namethisbar.com.au The Bondi FM Café

For something completely different and unique, we suggest the Bondi FM Café. Here you can dine and drink, whist Bondi FM radio shows are broadcast right in the middle of the café. DJs sit within a glass booth, while you sit in a deckchair, couch or on a floor cushion, and feed off the relaxed, chilled, beachy vibes that Bondi FM are so well known for. The back garden of this place is shared with Roy’s Tapas, which mixes nicely with the extremely large and extremely strong cocktails you can treat yourselves to.

Where: 143 Curlewis Street, Bondi Beach 2026 NSW Phone: (02) 9130 6886 More info: www.bondifm.com.au

*Free lounge area and terrace table reservations plus a $25 bar tab when any area is booked for groups for 20 or more. Bar tab to be used only on the night of the booking. One bar tab per group. Be sure to mention this offer when booking. No charge for area bookings.

By Hannah Kurzawski

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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY

BBM’s Rules Of Entertaining

BBM are good at partying. In fact, that’s an understatement.

We’re great at partying, and that’s because we’re so pretty and popular, natch. Ok, ok we’re just a bunch of drunks with a penchant for story telling and dirty jokes, however if you too, fit into this category of loving to throw together a good time with your mates, then we suggest you take heed of our advice and read the following…

Drinks:

Remember when booking your party you’re in the driving seat. Don’t be afraid to ask if the venue can throw in any drinks or promotions for your group.

Our general rule is; for groups of 20 or more the venue should be asked for something in return to confirm you bringing your party to their establishment.

This could be something as small as a bottle of bubbles for your trouble of organizing the party, or ask to get local beer and spirits at a fixed rate for a few hours. Obviously the more people you bring the better the deal!

Why not speak to the venue and get a special cocktail created for your night.

In our experience this can be a really nice touch to the night and gives you a talking point for your guests on the night, and if all goes to plan, then after too. This can often be worked out with the bar beforehand, but don’t expect much if you show up on the night making demands as they will most likely be busy and not really appreciate your requests after you and your guests have had a few.

Location: When booking your venue/bar/activity it’s a good

idea to think about location before confirming and sending out your invites.

Location has a few meanings here. First let’s start with the venue. Now we all hate it when you get the invite and you realise you’ve not only got to go out and spend a fortune on your mates big day but you’ve now found out you’ve got to spend $50 on getting there and back. Location, Location, Location!

Think about whom you’re inviting and where the most central point is. Train stations, bus, ferry, walking distance and taxis home. It all matters and needs to be considered to make sure you get the returns on your RSVP that you want so you’re not partying on your tods.

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The second thing to consider in with regards to your location is inside the venue. Is it going to be sunny or will it rain, how many people smoke, and is there seating? To keep your party running smoothly you should also have contingency plans for weather and keep in mind smokers as they can kill your party. For example, you’ve booked an amazing restaurant for 20 + people for dinner, 14 of the 20 smoke when they’ve had a drink, and you’re left with 6 possible nerds lacking in conversation before the starters are even out. So consider where is smoker and non-smoker friendly.

Minimum Spend: Now this leads on nicely to making your reservation. Things to consider when you’re making your reservation are; does the bar has a minimum spend? Do they charge for reservations? Where in the venue can you book? Can you reserve an area outside for the start of the evening and then move inside later? Again, don’t be afraid to ask the questions as you’ll find most bars do this all the time and will have options available to make your night as memorable as possible.

Dress Code:

Are people coming from work? Are they coming from the beach? Will you be kicking on to club or gig after? People often don’t mind getting dressed up or dressing down but make it clear to your guests what the deal is in your invite! Who wants to show up to a chilled out dinner in a hoody only to find out everyone’s dolled up to hit the clubs after. Or one of the best BBM have ever seen was a fancy dress party in a pub that had the plans changed at the last minute without informing half the guests. It’s not on, and can be highly embarrassing so make your guests happy and think about this in advance. Or if you’re a mean spirited bastard, go ahead and tell one friend it’s a toga party…this will insure interesting conversation is had.

Music:

Now let’s think about the music situation. If you’re doing a party in a bar then it’s a good idea to pick somewhere that people can start the night off with some background music. At the start of the night people will just be getting introduced so kick starting in bar/club that’s playing the footy with 500 guys screaming at the top of their lungs or banging House music out will just force people to split up to find quiet corners. Ask the venue when the DJ starts or ask if they can arrange VIP rooms that are away from the main hustle and bustle. Most bars can cater for this or come up with a solution. If you’ve done an early activity or your chosen venue shuts early then think about your late night options. You’ll need a location close to the bar, and if you’re showing up with a big group it’s a good idea to phone ahead as we all know what Australian bouncers can be like with more than one guy showing up at the door. Again dress code will need to be considered so you don’t end up leaving half your pals at the door.

Group Activities:

When booking something different like a day out playing bowls, fishing and boat trips, weekend wine tasting don’t forget to get a good price. Our suggestions include contacting the venue direct and asking for group specials, look on daily deal sites such as Oofer, Group On, and of course check the BBM Competitions page as you can save a packet and this will keep your pals happy and give you some spare cash to spend on food and beverages.

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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY Inside Paddington...

The ins and outs of Eastern suburb life

Whether living, dining, chilling, dancing, shopping or even just having a gander at what’s on offer, Paddington is a super suburb on Sydney’s East side. The parks in Paddington are perfect for the keen jogger, and the area harbours picturesque views at every corner and architecture to take your breath away. There really isn’t much that Paddington doesn’t have to offer.

Whether you are tying your hair up and setting off to work on a Monday morning on a quirky push bike, or letting your hair down and not planning on going home before the sun comes up, the restaurants, bars and pubs in Paddington are more than willing to accommodate your daily needs. Bursting with heritage and a great vibe, the hustle and bustle is just a stone’s throw away without the feeling of being crushed by the oppression of the city.

Being a Padditarion

Living in Paddington isn’t the cheapest option for Sydney; however, with what it has to offer and the standard of living- it is undoubtedly one of the most sought after trendy areas of Sydney’s east side. With the beach a short bus ride away and Oxford St’s heartbeat pumping through the foundations of the houses, expect to pay your way. For a 2-bed apartment in leafy Padders, the rent will be touching on $600 per week, which isn’t too bad if there’s a couple of you wanting your own space. There aren’t too many hostels in the area but there are many in the neighbouring suburbs so a visit to Paddington is only a short walk away. Paddo is however, teaming with flat shares and it’s the perfect way to meet newbies and save some cash. A room in a flat share will cost you around $150-200 per week depending on direct location and of course your standard of living (or if you’re sharing a bed!)

Catching a bite, good company and a beverage…

The only problem with Paddington is that you are completely and utterly spoiled for choice, so much so that you will never need to use that flash kitchen back at your pad. Paddington is renowned for its café culture, restaurants and pub-grub passion. BBM’s favourites in the area range from Micky’s Café on Oxford St, showing-off their unbeatable $10 meal deals every weeknight (their Mexican meal deal is what dreams are made of).

The Local Taphouse on Flinders St is a real top scorer with locals and tourists alike. The atmosphere is electric and the food is faultless for the price. The best way to find somewhere to suit your taste is to just wander up the leafy lanes and check out the menus of the hundreds of both intimate restaurants and the larger pub menus. You will not be disappointed with the choice on any night of the week. If you are worried about the pretentiousness stigma, which some eateries in Paddington do carry, head to hangouts such as The Paddington Arms, which create a chilled out place to chat, drink and eat with mates without the Sydney ‘scene’.

One of BBM’s favourite hangouts to frequent whilst passing through Paddington is The Imperial Hotel. Family owned for 100 years, there’s a real sense of community at this joint. Here sports fanatics can indulge their love whilst sipping on a cold beer and budding artists can come together after a local gallery event. From a weekly running club to Sunday Night Slow Dancing, the Imperial Hotel offers weekly promotions and events that will keep you busy every day of the week. Many weekly promotions already on the docket include the nudie running club, a “Crazy Creatures” pub theatre night, 2-4-1 cocktails and pizza night, Paddington Wine Markets, casual canvas art and wine tasting, Sunday “Hair of the Dog” recovery brunch and Sunday evening “Roast and Red” dinner. There is an affordable weekly event for you and your mates to take part in at the Imperial Hotel.

For all you sushi lovers out there, it doesn’t get much better than Toko Sushi, also on Oxford St. There are of course many higher priced restaurants for a special occasion such as award winning L’etoile French restaurant. Many restaurants in Paddington are also BYOB- Winner!

As with the array of restaurants and cafés to choose from, the choice of bars and pubs is pretty obvious as you walk up Oxford St and take a look around. Whether you prefer classy cocktail joints, pubs with sport, or a cheeky Sunday session with live music and DJs, you will be catered for. The Hunkydory Social club near Flinders St, is always pumping but with a chilled vibe of house and techno on a Sunday afternoon when hair of the dog is an absolute must. The roof terrace takes you out of the city and into the hunky bubble. Coco Cubana just next door also has a great energy after work and on the weekend as patrons sit drinking sangria and tucking into tapas in the sunshine.

Sunny Sundays and Lazy Days

Paddington isn’t always about being a spendy Wendy. The people of Paddington often seem to forget that the suburb is absolutely perfect for those lazy day walks and arts/culture activities. Paddington is built around Oxford St, making it the perfect place to people watch and read your favourite book. The area is surprisingly green to say how close it is to the CBD, making it inexcusable not to head for that Sunday jog or wander through the parks surrounding the area.

The Chauvel Cinema is a great cause for an afternoon out of the Sun and into the quirky world of film. Showing great international film festival movies and other films to suit any taste, this place gets packed out with people wanting to escape the Sydney life for a few hours. If art is your thing, check out the galleries of Paddington such as The Art of Dr.Zeuss, which has the most eccentric display of artworks to take you back to your childhood.

The Paddington Markets in the Paddington school grounds create an escape for any kind of shopper and bargain hunter, displaying the finest market charm and perfect reason to escape the pub and grab some fresh air.

Vintage style and boutique buys

Everyone loves a good shag. No, we’re not talking about hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing you pervs - we just love the vintage store, which has ‘Shag’ written all over it. Hidden along Oxford St, Shoebox in size - massive in variety. You can’t help but spend hours in this place looking at every specially chosen garment.

My Boudoir is also a clear winner in the area. The friendly staff cannot help you enough to find that vintage prize in the old leather trunks. A lot of the boutique shops in the area actually aren’t too badly priced; just banging clothes at banging prices. There is of course the higher range of designer boutiques along Oxford St, head down there to treat yourself or just do a spot of window shopping. Also look out for garage sale signs often propped up at street corners, a sweet way to save some dollar or just go for a garage gander- one man’s trash is another’s treasure.

A Winner…

Paddington is a truly charming suburb of Sydney. It attracts the young professionals of the city, which is clear as you see the shoppers, pub goers, joggers and tourists wondering around the streets. It has a great choice of Victorian terraced houses for the more traditional Padditarian, or modern apartments for cosmopolitan living. It screams quirky and convenient, yet is a relaxing place to live with endless opportunities for ‘everyday things to-do.’

It usually takes around an hour to fall in love with the leafy café culture way of life in Paddo: making it hard to ever leave.

The pubs feel ‘local’ and the array of cuisines in the extensive range of restaurants is extremely inviting. Having the beach just to the east and the city to the west, you wonder why people don’t step out of the suburb of Paddington more often to explore. But, like a moth to a flame, it’s bubbly personality shines through and attracts a massive fan club every hour of every day.

Perfect for…

Paddington is perfect for: trendies, book buffs, culture vultures and café dwellers.

By Frankie Salt

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SKI DOWNUNDER They say that it’s all in a name and with New South Wales’ Snowy Mountains – the phrase couldn’t be more appropriate!

If you are residing in Sydney, Canberra or Melbourne and the lure of some winter snow is just too much to take, you can hop in your car and be swooshing your way down the slopes in a matter of hours.

Snowy Mountains NSW

The Lowdown “The Snowies” as they are affectionately known are Australia’s highest mountain range and Mount Kosciuszko, which stands at 7310ft, is the highest mountain on the mainland. Located in southern NSW, they are part of the Australian Alps and the Great Dividing Range. This is Australia’s only truly alpine region with the most snow fall between June and August. The Kosciuszko National Park is the largest National Park in NSW and even when there is no snow on the ground, people flock to the picturesque region to channel the “Sound of Music” and frolic in the beautiful alpine countryside.

The Snowies are easily accessible by road, air or coach. Travelling by car is by far the most relaxing way to travel and it provides you with the flexibility to stop whenever you please. The Alpine Highway, Snowy Mountains Highway and the Elliot Highway all pass through some of the most spectacular scenery in Australia. If you are concerned about how heavy snowfall or how an influx of tourists might affect your route, you can call the RTA hotline on 132 701.

There are three major winter resorts for you to choose from. Perisher, Thredbo and Charlotte Pass and here’s a run down of their individual qualities.

Perisher This is the largest ski resort in the southern hemisphere and is an amalgamation of four amusingly named villages: Perisher Valley, Smiggin Holes, Guthega and Blue Cow. To get to Perisher will take you 5-6 hours from Sydney via Canberra or 7 hours from Melbourne but the journey is well worth it. The resort has had a bundle of money pumped in to it so the slopes are well maintained, facilities are modern and they now benefit from 271 state-of-the-art snow guns which pump out snow when the Australian snow fall doesn’t quite cut the mustard. Over the last 15 years the average snowfall has been around 1.9m.

The resort has runs that are suitable for all ages; around 22% of the terrain will suit those of you who make Bambi look steady on his feet, 60% is suitable for intermediate skiers and 18% is for the big dogs who back themselves to tackle even the trickiest black run. There are terrain parks to explore, over 100km of marked cross country trails and a halfpipe. Lessons cost around $109 a day and snow hire costs vary so your best bet is to look online beforehand.

One of Australia’s “coolest” festivals (get it?), Snowy Mountains of Music, is held on the opening weekend of the season on the 8-11th June and hosts a range of musical acts which span a variety of genres from folk to roots.

Mt Buller

Skiing in Australia? Yeah right. Well, believe it baby! Just when you thought the land down under had everything apart from good places to ski, someone only goes and blow your mind and tells you that just a few short hours drive from Melbourne you can find yourself your very own Aussie Alpine experience at Mt Buller.

Quick facts As well as being the most accessible ski resort in Australia, it is also the priciest so make sure that you book in advance to get the best rates on lift passes and equipment hire. There are a range of experiences to be enjoyed on Mt Buller including tackling the thrills of a downhill course, hiring a toboggan, popping off on a guided snow-shoe walk or if you long for some culture (hmm…) you can always pop to the Alpine Museum.

The terrain consists of around 25% beginner, 45% intermediate and 30% advanced terrain so it is nice and varied to keep you on your toes. Bourke Street and Burnt Hut Spur tend to be the best places to get your snow legs and if you laugh in the face of a black run, head to Chamois or the back of the summit for some truly hair-raising runs.

This years head-liners are The Black Seeds, Afro Moses and A French Butler Called Smith.

Thredbo This resort is famous for its 600m vertical slope run – the longest run of its kind in Australia. If this is the kind of thing that gets your blood pumping then no other Australian resort will compare. If you are visiting during August and back yourself to beat the other ski-bunnies, you can take part in the early morning Thredbo Top to Bottom Run where each morning around 150 people gather at the top of the run to race to the bottom to claim the veritable array of ski related goodies given away as prizes.

Thredbo is also home to the awesome Monster Energy Bag Jump which is a 15m x 15m, giant air filled cushion which, after a short induction course, you can practice your jumps, spins and flips on without the fear of causing yourself an injury.

For those who only ski so that they get to enjoy the apres experience afterwards, Thredbo has a number of banging bars all offering live music and late licences. The Schuss Bar and Keller Bar are oldies but goodies.

Charlotte Pass This unique resort is the only snowbound resort in Australia, meaning you have to use over snow transport there from Perisher Valley. This costs around $75 for a return ticket. The resort holds the record for the lowest temperatures ever recorded at a finger and toe numbing -23 degrees. Yikes!

Charlotte Pass is much less crowded due to the fact that a restricted number of people are allowed in the village at any one time. The surrounding rugged national park provides an unforgettable backdrop to your skiing and all the lifties are friendly, relaxed and more than happy to help. To be honest, the runs here might leave the more experienced skier a little frustrated as they aren’t the longest or the fastest but it is a lovely spot all the same.

It’ll set you back around $70 to hire a snowboard or skis and poles. If you are a master of forward planning then you can get a lift pass for a day or two completely free of charge so that’s something to bear in mind if you are on a strict budget. If you rock up on the day, you can expect to shell out around $100 for a 1 day lift pass - pretty reasonable really given the 47 lifts that you will have access to. Heading there mid-week will also mean that you are likely to pay substantially less for passes and accommodation.

More info

Snow…really? How much?

Prices vary depending on how many days you are staying for but your best bet is booking online to save yourself significant coin. Visiting mid-week can prove much cheaper as well, for instance a two day lift pass and bed and breakfast will set you back about $159. You can budget that it will cost you a little over $100 per day for a lift pass but the more days you stay, the cheaper it gets. Snowboard or ski hire comes in at around $100 and helmets are around $19.

History dictates that Mt Buller gets peak snowfall towards the end of July and beginning of August. Between 2 - 3 metres seems to be the average - which will do nicely thank you very much. There is also a super hi-tech snow-making machine which pumps out powder when Mother Nature is being a bit lazy.

How to get there?

Mt Buller is a mere three-hour drive from the city streets of Melbourne, meaning that if you were determined and wanted to pop there for the day, it is doable. There are a few routes that you can take, Plenty Road, Hume Highway and the Melba Highway. Like any journey, it’s best to have a look at traffic reports before you set out to make sure you have a good run.

Snow chains for your wheels might be the last thing on your mind when all you can think about is busting out your goggles and getting down to business but the fact is that, as Mother would say, “it’s better to be safe than sorry!” You can hire snow chains at a number of spots around Mt Buller and ladies, fear not, there are an abundance of hunky mountain men just waiting to show you how they are fitted.

What’s it going to cost?

Firstly, expect to be hit with a gate fee of around $30 when you arrive.

Before you whinge and whine, this goes towards the essentials of the resort including the free shuttle bus, car parking, upkeep of the village and to those poor beggars stuck shovelling snow so that you can get from A to B without difficulty. When you think of it that way, $30 seems very reasonable.

www.snowymountains.com.au www.visitnsw.com www.visitsnowymountains.com

By Amy Baker

Now, here’s the kind of insider info we know you’ve been waiting for – if you’re new to the snow and plan on taking lessons, the wonderfully FREE Discover Programme is the way to go. Well, free in the sense that it comes included in the price of your lift pass - but that’s just a technicality. The two-hour lesson takes you through the basics of turning and stopping and before you know it you’ll be off on your own.

Visit www.skivic.com to purchase your ski passes.

Accommodation Mt Buller offers a variety of accommodation above the snowline from backpacker rooms to cosy lodges and chalets. If your budget is a little tight then your best bet is to bunk down off the mountain in the nearby towns of Dinner Plain, Bright, Mansfield, Mount Beauty, Bogong Village or Harrietville.

There are also a number of self-catering lodges and apartments around which are a fantastic money-saving option if you are travelling in a group.

Bars With all of the other stuff out of the way, lets turn to the important thing – the après!

The aptly named Apres Bar at the Mt Buller Chalet Hotel is a buzzing after skivenue located right off the Bourke Street run. There are always great happy hour specials and good pub grub.

Materns at the Alpine Retreat is a great shout for a drink or three and The Arlberg Hotel is known for its raucous “Pot & Shot” pool comp nights but let’s be clear, as midnight approaches all roads lead to the Kooroora Hotel in the Village Square. It’s a debauched late night drinking establishment that’ll keep you dancing until the lights come up.

More info You can find more information to help you plan your trip at: www.mtbuller. com.au and www.skivic.com. www.snowscene.com.au also provides lots of information, including resorts and snow reports, so get booking!

Contacts

Mt Buller Resort Management Phone: (03) 5777 6077 Fax: (03) 5777 6219 Email: info@mtbuller.com.au

Buller Ski Lifts Pty Ltd

Phone: (03) 5777 7800 Email: info@skibuller.com.au

Snow Scene

Phone: (07) 3392 1722 Toll Free Phone: 1300 766 911 Fax: (07) 3392 0741 Email: snowinfo@snowscene.com.au

By Amy Baker

Images Courtesy of Snowscene.com.au

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CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE

Inside Windsor

to miss. The Windsor end of the street is considered to be the less expensive yet more bohemian bit, so we’d recommend starting at the Toorak end for some window shopping before making your way to Windsor for something a bit more affordable.

That is not to say the Windsor end is any less deserving than the rest of the strip. Windsor most definitely can hold its own, and offers an international influx of treats and trinkets, from Scandinavian fashion to amazing Spanish tapas. In addition, the selection of vintage stores means you can easily step back in time and treat yourself to a treasure from another era. For an area known as the Tourist’s Parade, Chapel Street is pleasingly devoid of tacky touristy tat.

If good food is what you’re after, Windsor won’t leave you disappointed. If you’ve got a bit of cash to splash, we suggest The Woods of Windsor. Here you’re presented with a vast selection to choose from, including New York style brunch if that’s what you fancy. This place is also well known for their whiskey, so get involved – it would be rude not to.

If you’re on a little more of a budget then why not try Misty’s Diner? Authentic All-American burgers is what you’ll find here, along with hot dogs, fries, sandwiches, wings, pancakes, milkshakes, you get the idea. They also serve all day breakfast, and claim to have the best assortment of American candy, American drinks and American beers. Think Pop Tarts and Bud Lights.

Activities

Windsor is a suburb of Melbourne, just 5 km southeast of the city’s CBD. Named after the Windsor in Berkshire, UK, this place has a slow, relaxed vibe with vintage stores, edgy eateries and its own unique laid back style.

The Windsor area is often coupled with its northernly neighbour Prahran, and as Windsor was once in the precincts of the city of Prahran, the two are often muddled up. Although in fairness the two areas are pretty similar to each other, so we’ll let you off if you end up combining them.

You can explore Windsor on foot, via a number of trams, or reach it via train.

The Sandringham Railway line takes commuters from the CBD to Windsor Station in around 7 minutes.

Alternatively, you could shop you’re way into Windsor. Melbourne’s famous shopping strip, Chapel Street intersects six neighbourhoods – Chapel Street North, Commercial Road, Greville Village, South Yarra, Prahan and Windsor.

Chapel Street is as diverse as it is long, and given that Paris Hilton stops by every time she goes to Melbourne, it’s somewhere no shopping addict wants

While obviously shopping is the main activity to do in Windsor, we understand that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. The One Hundredth Gallery showcase new and upcoming artists or established artists who are trying something new.

Located on Porter Street, their doors are open to everyone, but especially those who are new to art.

Nightlife Just like its namesake in the UK, Melbourne’s Windsor has its own Castle – but this one is a pub and doesn’t have a Queen. The Windsor Castle Hotel may shock you with its pink and green exterior, but don’t let this put you off.

Here you’ll find an intimate space with quirky little rooms everywhere, and a lit fireplace in the winter months. This place boasts a great beer garden which is always full of locals and tourists alike, sipping on cold beers and cocktails.

If hard-core spirits are more what you had in mind, then Borsch, Vodka & Tears is the one for you. With a café and restaurant serving delights such as scrumptious sausages and dumplings, as well as Borsch soup, you can either have your vodka with your meal or just have it neat. With over one hundred different types of vodka to choose from, you’re a little spoilt for choice. Many of these have been specially imported from Poland and Russia – you can’t find these anywhere else in Australia. If the thought of straight vodka makes your nose crinkle up, the bartenders will happily incorporate it into cocktails, or failing that, you can just have a beer.

To keep the night going there are plenty of bars and clubs around to suit your drinking and dancing needs. No one goes to Melbourne without hearing about the Revolver Upstairs. Notorious for being open all night and all day on the weekends, Revolver Upstairs, or ‘Revs’ is home to top DJs, live music, dance and film. Its eccentric furnishings only add to the all night crazy vibes, such as bold shades of orange in wall murals, upside-down lamp shades and the odd bit of chicken wire. Another popular Windsor haunt is the Lucky Coq. With big relaxed couches, 80’s disco lighting and a DJ spinning smooth old school hip-hop and RnB, this is the perfect place to sip a cold drink and shuffle around to some good tunes. They also serve ridiculously cheap and ridiculously tasty pizza. Everyone’s a winner here.

Accommodation

If you’re feeling really daring, why not try a casual dance class? The Space Dance & Arts Centre on Chapel Street offer beginner lessons in classical Ballet, Jazz, Lyrical, Broadway, Hip Hop, Contemporary, Le Bop, Latin, Belly Dancing, Salsa and Argentine Tango just to name a few. You only pay for the classes you attend, so if you totally embarrass yourself on your first lesson, you don’t have to go back. This is a great way to try something new and get some exercise in between all those late nights out and extravagant meals.

Bully your mates into doing it with you and you’ll be fine.

Hostel prices in Windsor start at around $28 per person per night in a six-bed dorm, and $85 a night for a twin room with en suite. With Windsor being a popular spot for backpackers on a budget, you may find that hostels fill up quickly at certain times of the year. Hostels in the neighbouring suburbs such as Praharn and St Kilda are only a short walk away and offer similar rates, so no worry there. Hotel prices range from around $100 - $175 a night, with the most popular hotel in the area being the Hotel Windsor. It’s the one that keeps popping up on your Windsor Google searches. This place is pretty swanky, so expect nothing shy of $300 per person per night.

Prahran market is all about the food. Here you’ll find a ridiculous range and variety of fruit, veg, fish, meat, cheese and other delicacies all at great prices.

As the oldest continuously running market in Australia, they must be doing something right. Open every day apart from Mondays and Wednesdays, it’s the perfect place to pick up some fresh food and nibbles. Then you can enjoy them in the sunshine with a picnic in one of the many surrounding parks.

Those wanting to stay in Windsor on more of a long-term basis, house shares range from around $250 - $450 a week, depending on the size of your room and the facilities you have on offer. Prices may also vary depending on how long you will be renting that accommodation for.

Perfect for…

We think Windsor will wet the whistles of: shopaholics, vintage-seekers, bargain-hunters, food-enthusiasts and bohemians.

By Hannah Kurzawski

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CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE Art exhibitions This Month If you’re on the lookout for cultural excursions then look no further than Melbourne. Victoria’s capital is an international hub of culture, breaming with festivals, musicals, comedy, music, art, architecture, literature, film and television. You name it, Melbourne’s got it. So, for those of you wanting to get your culture well and truly on, here’s our pick of the crop of current exhibitions running throughout June in Melbourne.

displayed inside old museum cabinets and cast horses are crucified upside down. Her works have been described as brutal, inspiring, challenging and both frightening and comforting. ‘We Are All Flesh’ will include the rarely seen and iconic work ‘019’ and two new commissions created specially for this exhibition.

When: 2 June – 29 July Where: Australian Centre For Contemporary Arts, 111 Sturt Street, Melbourne VIC 3006 Phone: (03) 9697 9999 More info: www.accaonline.org.au

Louise Saxton: Sanctuary Sanctuary is a series of works exploring natural history illustrations, all of which are constructed from discarded needlework pinned to tulle. Reclaiming handcrafted textiles, Saxton draws parallels between this lost art and the growing vulnerability of many endangered species. While her work reevaluates the home as a point of reference for contemporary art, Saxton also signals a poignant sense of imminent loss.

When: 24 March – 29 July Where: Heide III: Andrew Myer & Kerry Gardner Project Gallerie, 7 Templestowe Road Bulleen, VIC 3105 Phone: (03) 9850 1500 More info: info@heide.com.au

William Kelly: The Heart Of The Matter Humanist artist and staunch human-rights activist, William Kelly showcases for the first time works from all of his important projects, travels, exhibitions and travels from around the world. Kelly, founder of the Archive of Humanist Art will document his responsive art to a wide-rang of disastrous events, including in South Africa, Northern Ireland, Spain and Germany, as well as his work with indigenous groups and artists residing in Australia.

Naomi Troski: Fosse G3 Artspace is the City of Kingston’s new contemporary art gallery and this month they proudly present Fosse, the sculptural works of Naomi Troski.

Composing of rope and plastic lattice, Troski’s overhead instillations create expressive organic forms suspended upon high, pointing towards nature’s subtle changes. She investigates the transient nature of light, exposing the transformative qualities of shape, colour and surface texture throughout the cycle of a day.

Fosse gets its name from an old French word referring to a moat or a ditch cut into the earth for fortification. However, in Old Norse it means waterfall, leaving the possibility of Troksi combining the two within this evocative instillation.

Berlinde De Bruyckere: We Are All Flesh Using Wax, wood, wool, horse skin and hair, Berlinde De Bruyckere creates haunting sculptures of humans, animals and trees in metamorphosis. Creating incredible sculptures - torsos morph into branches, trees are captured and

Get Together

They say that ‘two is company and three’s a crowd,’ but we reckon crowds are sometimes better. Although group gettogethers always seem to come along with the inevitable scenarios of being a few dollars short at the end because someone has forgotten to include their share of the service charge, or those few extra beers they drunkenly ordered, there is no denying they are a great way to socialise.

From goodbye grub to birthday binges, here are some of our top places for group get-together meals and drinks in Melbourne.

When: 1 June – 26 June Where: G3: Artspace, Shirley Burke Theatre, 64 Parkers Road, Parkdale, VIC, 3195.

Phone: (03) 9556 4440 More info: www.kingstonarts.com.au

When: 6 June – 1 July Where: Melbourne Arts Room (MARS) 418 bay street, Port Melbourne, VIC, 3207 Phone: (03) 9681 8425 More info: www.marsgallery.com.au

Inner Worlds: Portraits And Psychology ‘Inner Worlds: Portraits And Psychology’ is a touring exhibition from the National Portrait gallery, Canberra, and is curated by Christopher chapman.

Focusing on the early twentieth century Australia, it looks at key moments of connection between portraiture and psychology. Spanning from World War I to the 1950s, the exhibition brings together the portraits of the pioneers of psychology, exploring the experimentations of portraiture, which are strongly informed by the artist’s interest in psychology, stripping bare the subconscious mind and acute mental states.

When: 18 April – 22 July Where: ‪800 Swanston Street, Carlton VIC 3010 Phone: +61 3 8344 5148 More info: www.art-museum.unimelb.edu.au

By Lee Coleman

Mamasita

Level One

Sometimes you just can’t do any better than a good Indian curry. It’s the UK’s most popular restaurant dish, and we Brits are never wrong, so trust us. Level One offers a great selection of Indian and Nepalese food, along with friendly staff and a great atmosphere. Here they’ve got everything from a simple chicken Korma right up to a ridiculously hot Vindaloo. And of course there are the Poppadoms for everyone to share.

Where: Level 1, 90 Queensberry Street, Carlton VIC 3053 Phone: (03) 9077 0379 More info: www.levelonerestaurant.com.au

The Red Hummingbird

These guys do things the Mexican way. Their menu is set out in way that encourages sharing, and they serve Authentic Mexican food - think Tostadas, Quesadillas and Tacos. They try to steer away from the stereotypical ‘Tex-Mex’ food, here you’ll find it just like it is in Mexico. That of course means you’ll also find plenty of Tequila. Get ready to knock ‘em back. Their food is also 100% gluten free.

Where: Level 1, 11 Collins Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Phone: (03)9650 3821 More info: www.mamasita.com.au

Young and Jackson

Sometimes you just have to spoil yourself and go all-out when there is cause for a real celebration, and The Red Hummingbird is a place to do just that. A classy, chic, sophisticated cocktail lounge bar, this place may be a little pricier than your usual average drinking spot, but it’s easy to see why with its beautiful décor and carefully crafted cocktails. There is also a great rooftop that looks out onto urban Melbourne, which is open and breezy in the summer but cosy in the winter. No beers on tap here though, just great cocktails, wines and spirits.

Where: 246 Russell Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Phone: (03) 9654 2192 More Info: www.theredhummingbird.com

How about some great hearty food accompanied by some great hearty drink? Young and Jackson claim to be Australia’s most famous pub, situated in the beautifully restored iconic hotel and the perfect destination for all occasions. Think classic pub mixed with boutique bar, which also does generous helpings of great food. The ground floor bar offers you a choice of over 30 beers and ciders on tap, including both Australian and overseas brews. Chloe’s Rooms on the next floor is all about relaxation, with fine wines, cocktails and scenic views of Melbourne. Their rooftop is a cider bar, which has eight types on tap plus plenty more in bottle.

Something here to suit every need.

Where: Corner of Swanston and Flinders Melbourne, 3000 Phone: (03) 9650 3884 More info: www.youngandjacksons.com.au

Streets,

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CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE Chin Chin

Mr Wolf

Mr Wolf does really good pizza. And we mean really good. These guys have invented some delicious combinations for you to try, on thin, crisp bases – just the way pizza should be. For those who would like something else, they also offer salads, steak and some variety of rotating braise, such as rabbit, veal or lamb. All this, in a sophisticated, ambient setting where cocktails and wine flow freely. This restaurant is always packed, so we suggest you and your pals book well in advance.

Joe’s Bar

Where: 9–15 Inkerman Street, St Kilda, Melbourne 3182 Phone: (03) 9534 0255 More info: www.mrwolf.com.au

Hoo Haa Bar

If Thai food is what you fancy then may we suggest popping into Chin Chin? If we could describe this place in three words, we would pick: fun, casual and swanky. This place is little pricier than your average Thai takeaway, but the menu is made-up of an impressive array of Pan-Asian food, and the snack dishes make great sharing starters. They also have a pretty cheeky drinks menu with a whirlwind selection of cocktails and Australian wines to choose from. A perfect way to start off the night if you plan to make it a big one.

Where: 125 Flinders Lane, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Phone: (03) 8663 2000 More info: www.chinchinrestaurant.com.au

Horse Bazaar

How about some great music to accompany your drinks and dinner?

Horse Bazaar can sort this out for you, and for great prices at that. With a Japanese-inspired menu, the food here compliments the drinks whether you opt for a tap beer, bottled beer, cocktail, wine or sparkles. Happy hour is on every day from 5pm till 7pm and on Tuesdays from 6pm you can get a plate of delicious dumplings, a drink and a ten minute massage, all for just $20! Winning.

Where: 397 Little Lonsdale Street, Melbourne 3000 Phone: (03) 9670 2329 More info: www.horsebazaar.com.au

Got some stubborn eaters in your group and can’t decide which nation you want your meal to represent? Then go somewhere that does a bit of everything. Joe’s Bar has burgers, steaks, risottos, salads, fish, chicken, chips, sandwiches…we could go on. This place is said to have been one of Melbourne’s most iconic institution for over 30 years, and has also just had a makeover making it even more inviting than it was before. The portions here are generous too, be prepared to roll each other home.

Where: 64-66 Acland Street, St Kilda, VIC 3182 Phone: (03) 9525 3755 More info: www.joesbar.com.au

By Hannah Kurzawski

This place is a great all-rounder and a bit of a hidden gem. Upstairs and tucked away on Chapel Street, these guys have modern-Italian dining and drinking down to a tee. Whether it’s a main meal pizza or pasta dish you’re after, or a small plate of nibbles, food is served till 2am on weekends, which is pretty damn good in our books. You can sip on your boutique beer or fine Italian wine in a private booth inside, or in their large outside courtyard, alfresco style. A definite winner if there’s a few of you and you wish to commandeer an area.

Where: Upstairs 105 Chapel Street, Windsor, Melbourne 3181 Phone: (03) 9529 6900 More info: www.hoohaa.net.au

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TRAVEL - VICTORIA Phillip Island

But with all this natural beauty and scenery surrounding you, you just have to make time to see it properly. One of the more unique ways to view Phillip Island is by air. Helicopter tours are notoriously fun and provide a great insight to the history and geography of the area. At a fairly low cost, these tours are a brilliant opportunity to view the island from a different vantage point.

Phillip Island is a small island located south of Melbourne which is known mainly for one thing – penguins. Every day, thousands of them will emerge from the ocean and waddle across the beach, leaving their burrows just before sunrise and returning at dusk, making an exciting and beautiful spectacle for locals and tourists alike. Home to one of the largest little penguin colonies in the world, there are approximately 26,000 of them living in the waters surrounding Phillip Island, with around 4,000 of those living in burrows around Summerland Beach.

For those who would rather keep their feet firmly on the ground, there are lots of hiking trails on offer to help you explore the land. Cape Woolamai Trail is a two-hour walk to the island’s highest point, reaching 109 metres. With incredible views from the top, this trail is the most diverse and aesthetically breath-taking of them all.

The walk starts at Woolamai Beach Surf Life car park where you can view the old granite quarry and the Pinnacles. Other walks include the two-hour Pinnacle Walk, the three-hour Old Granite Quarry Walk, and the three and a half hour Cape Woolamai Beacon Walk. Alternatively you can do a combination of all three walks which would take you four hours.

This sight is known as the Penguin Parade and attracts 3.5 million people to Philip Island each year. These little guys are the smallest type of penguin in the world, known as the Little Penguin, and the only type to be permanently found in Australia.

However penguins are not the only form of wildlife to be found on Phillip Island. There are also koalas, seals, wallabies, kangaroos, echidnas and many varieties of bird. Should you fancy it, there are many ways of getting up close and personal with these creatures. Just five minutes from the Penguin Parade is the Nobbies Centre which overlooks the waters of Bass Strait.

Two kilometres offshore from here is a breeding ground and nursery for over 20,000 Australian fur seals known as Seal Rocks. Here you are treated to great coastal scenery and views of the closest seal colony to any major city in Australia – and entry is free!

After a hard day exploring you’ll need some seriously good food and drink to replenish all that spent energy. There are a wide range of seaside restaurants and bars which can help you do just that.

For a great meal at a fair price, try Rusty Water Brewery Restaurant and Bar. Rusty’s is conveniently located right in the heart of most of the tourist activities. Choose between five of the beers on tap, or give their awardwinning Koala Pale Ale a go. If you don’t fancy beer then take a look at their wine list, dominated by local award-winning vineyards - the wine of Phillip Island is beginning to gain a reputation for its cool-climate, full fruit flavour.

The Koala Conservation Centre on Phillip Island allows you to see koalas in their natural habitat via two elevated treetop boardwalks winding through six hectares of Australian bushland. At Churchill Island Heritage Farm you can really get stuck in – you can meet their Clydesdale horses, Highland cattle, sheep, ducks, chickens and peacocks. They also have daily demonstrations of cow milking, blacksmithing, sheep shearing and working dogs. It’s pretty obvious that Phillip Island is an absolute must for animal lovers.

Accommodation in Phillip Island is easy to come by, with something to suit every budget and preference. Whether it’s a luxury apartment, hotel, motel, cabin, B&B or camp site you’re after, Phillip Island is more than capable of providing. Hostel rooms start from around $35 per person per night with hotel family room costing around $155 plus per person, per night.

So who do we think Phillip Island is perfect for? We say animal lovers, scenery appreciators, nature nurturers and keen surfers should not pass this place by.

This place is not all about the wildlife though. Phillip Island is also known for some of the best surfing in Australia, having the most consistently reliable conditions and also being able to accommodate surfers of varying levels of skill. In the past the island has hosted some prestigious surfing events such as the Rip Curl Pro and the Roxy Pro Women’s Surfing Festival.

By Hannah Kurzawski

Any keen surfers should make a trip to Islantis Surfboards, who have a huge collection of antique and vintage surfboards that date back as far as the ‘30s.

This is a great chance to view and understand the unique history of surfing and how board design has progressed from the early 20th century to the present day.

If you aren’t overly keen on getting your hair wet but want to convince everyone you’re a surfing pro, then the Big Wave is what you’ll need. A giant life-like wave located just outside Islantis Surfboards, the Big Wave has built quite the reputation over the past twenty years, becoming the most well-known “big thing” in the region. The structure gives you the chance to “experience” being barrelled in a wave, whilst remaining bone dry and not ruining your camera. Handy.

Should you fancy something a little more daring, motorsports are also big on Phillip Island. The annual Australian Motorcycle Grand Prix, which is held just after winter every year, is a must-see for sports fans around the country. You can get your own fix with a range of activities held at the Phillip Island Grand Prix Circuit, from Go Karts to Hot Laps, which allows visitors and locals alike to satisfy their need for speed.

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CHECK THIS OUT BRISBANE

XXXX…It’s Queensland for beer, but have you ever wondered how this iconic brew got its name?

Want to see something out of the ordinary? Have a good time? Taste our brews and enjoy a tasty bite with your beer?

The XXXX Brewery Tour takes you through the heart of the iconic XXXX Brewery, where you’ll find interesting facts about beer, the colourful history of XXXX and its place in the Australian community and lifestyle.

You will see the inner workings of the brewery, learn about the raw ingredients, the brewing process and see the action of the packaging line. Learn to pour yourself a perfect beer, and taste it like a brewer, and then relax in the Ale house bar and enjoy our famous beers – brewery-fresh!

Enjoy our quality lunch menu Monday to Sunday or relax with your mates on the weekend and experience our Brewery, Beer and BBQ tour. Incorporating our Classic Brewery tour, you’ll enjoy our Queenslander barbeque lunch with your beer tasting. Don’t worry if you can’t make it over the weekend we offer our delicious BBQ on a Wednesday evening!

Tour Prices

Classic

BBQ

Adults Students/Seniors Group (10 or more Adults) Non-beer drinking Adults Children 11-18 years

$25* $23* $23* $21 $16

$38* $35* $35* $34 $29

*Includes four glasses of beer for tasting in the XXXX Ale House bar at the end of the tour Become part of this historical site and host your next party or event in the heart of the XXXX Brewery. With the copper and timber décor the XXXX Ale House provides a theme of its own, incorporating the heritage and craftsmanship of XXXX with the tastes of Queensland. Our XXXX Ale House offers a unique venue for all functions and events.

Booking are essential and can be made online at xxxxalehouse.com.au or by calling 07 3361 7597.

Phone (07) 3361 7597 or visit xxxxbrewerytour.com.au

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TRAVEL - QLD Cairns

Nightlife

The city of Cairns is situated on the coast of far north Queensland, around 1700km from Brisbane and 2500km away from Sydney by road. Often described as the heart of the Tropical north, Cairns has the Great Barrier Reef, Daintree Forest and the Atherton Tablelands all in close proximity, meaning you’re never far away from that little bit of tropical paradise.

Cairns has a population of just over 130,000, which is growing all the time.

Made up of people from all different backgrounds, it’s pretty easy to see why visitors who came initially for a month have ended up staying for years. A modern and vibrant city with a backdrop of mountainous rainforest, Cairns is a tropical playground that really has something to offer for everyone who visits.

The Cairns region is a narrow strip running down the coast, starting at Ellis Beach in the north and finishing at Mirriwinni in the south. This covers an area of 1687square km, which includes two World Heritage listed attractions - the Great Barrier Reef and the Wet Tropics rainforests, and Mount Bartle Frere, the tallest mountain in Queensland.

McKensie St Thomas St Digger St

Law St

Cairns’ summers (December – February) are extremely hot and humid while the winters (June-August) are mild and dry. Winter is considered the best time to visit as you’ll be met with crystal-clear skies and waters, perfect for scubadiving. Summer also coincides with the wet season, which means monsoonlike rain, cyclones and plenty more box jellyfish or ‘stingers’ in the ocean.

Tourism Australia states that Cairns is the fourth most popular tourist destination in Australia, after Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. With around 1.8 million visitors going there each year, why don’t you go and see what all the fuss is about?

Charles St

What better way to celebrate all this stunning natural beauty than with a few beverages in the evening? Cairns is packed-a-plenty with watering holes, and whether you’re after a budget backpacker bar or a classy cocktail lounge spot, you won’t be disappointed. The Salt House situated at Marina Point is perfect for catching up with friends over local or international beers and wines, while listening in on some of the best local and visiting musicians in Cairns.

Decorated with luxurious white lounges, spectacular lanterns, Balinese stone ponds and fire features, this place oozes style, glamour and comfort. Nearby is the Pier, which has a more relaxed and casual vibe, yet the same views of the boats and yachts coming in from the Coral Sea. Known for their wood fired pizzas and char grilled food, here you can sip on their selection of wines, beers and cocktails whilst watching the sunset from the outside deck.

Mexico may be far away but their Tequila isn’t. Cairns is the home of the new Tequila Bar, which goes by the motto of ‘Tequila made me do it.’ Located on Shields Street in the heart of Cairns, this place has a range of $2 backpacker meals and Tequila all day every day, seven days a week. Another Cairns backpacker hotspot is the Woolshed. This place is a traveller’s dream – cheap drinks offers, dance offs, wet t-shirt competitions, you name it, they’ve got it, and they’ve had it for 17 years now. Named Queensland’s ‘Best Backpacker Night Out Venue’ from 2007-2010, you won’t forget your nights out at Woolshed. Actually, you might.

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TRAVEL - QLD Activities As we said before, Cairns has something to suit everyone that visits. For you adrenalin junkies and thrill seekers, there is something different to do every day of the week. A J Hackett Bungy, the largest provider of bungy-jumping experiences has a 50 metre rainforest jump tower just 20 minutes away at Smithfield. Jumps start from around $160, and you’re guaranteed some pretty impressive views from the top. Another option is white water rafting, and with tropical water temperatures, this is something which can be done at any time of year. Most rafting spots are situated on the Tully River, Australia’s most famous rafting site. Sessions cost around $30, but vary on the extremity and the length of your ride. If those options still aren’t crazy enough for you, then when not try a skydive over Mission Beach? A casual 14,000 foot drop means you’ll be freefalling for a total of 60 seconds, at a speed of just over 200 kph, but there are smaller drops to choose from should those figures seem a little too daunting. You’ll be strapped and attached to a fully qualified instructor, so all you have to worry about is screaming. A 9000 foot skydive costs around $280, with 14,000 foot falls costing a little more at $370.

Other adventure sports activities in the Cairns region include hot-air ballooning, helicopter tours, big game fishing, water-skiing, ATV tours, kayaking, hiking and horse-riding.

Accommodation Cairns has a range of accommodation options to suit any budget or price range. Gilligan’s provide excellent accommodation for those who are budget conscious, with eight bed rooms costing $27 per person a night, and four bed dorms costing $34 a night. They even have king-sized hotel rooms on offer, starting at $130 a night. For those with a little more dollar in their pockets, hotel rooms range from $100 - $150 per night, depending on the level of luxury and their distance from Cairns Esplanade and Pier.

For those who end up staying a little longer than originally planned, house shares for students or those with work visas are pretty common in Cairns.

Rooms can cost anything from $150 a week to $210 a week depending on how many beds there are and how many facilities there are included in your package. If it’s an apartment you’re after, you can expect to pay around $300$400 a week.

Perfect For… Adrenaline junkies, sun worshippers, nature lovers, and those who appreciate a damn good view with a cold drink in hand.

By Hannah Kurzawski

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PERTH MAP Perth, the capital of Western Australia, epitomizes the modern urban scene. It’s definitely isolated. But with its contemporary architecture, vibrant art scene, and countless restaurants capped off with funky bars and swish nightclubs, you won’t feel like you’ve staggered onto the scene of an old Western flick. And the locals here are a very nice complement with their friendliness, youthfulness and diversity.

Perth’s CBD is all glass towers and wind tunnels, like any city. But graciously absent is the coldblooded corporate culture that so permeates Sydney and Melbourne.

While you’re in Perth, check out the Perth Mint, on the corner of Hay and Hill Streets. It boasts the world’s largest collection of gold nuggets. Take a walk along the Swan River on Riverside Drive, head up to the Hay and Murray Street Malls, amble over to Northbridge for lunch and walk back down to Barrack St Jetty in time for one of the afternoon ferries from Barrack St Jetty to South Perth.

On the south side of the Swan River you’ll find Perth Zoo. The Perth Zoo has over 1500 animals comprising 200 different species. Local animal celebrities to be found here include kangaroos, koalas, numbats, emus, and dingoes.

Despite existing on the fringe of an already isolated continent, Perth and Western Australia are also abuzz with modern cultural activity. In fact WA’s isolation has resulted in cultural traditions that are truly unique and quite distinct from their urban Aussie counterparts to the east.

Perth has more hours of sunshine then any other state capital in Australia. This has given rise to a prolific and rich outdoor culture. Entertaining, socializing and drinking outdoors, is simply the way life is lived over here.

Western Australia is also the backdrop for such epics as Australia the movie, Rabbit Proof Fence and author Tim Winton’s multi award winning novel Dirt Music. The annual Perth Arts Festival is an arts fest of major international standing with a 55 year history with loads of free entertainment and gigs.

For more information see www.gowesternaustralia.com.au and www.bbmlive.com/TravelAustralia/western-australia.html

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CHECK THIS OUT PERTH Gay & Lesbian Perth Perth has a thriving gay and lesbian community with travel, entertainment and accommodation options to suit all tastes and budgets.

If you’ve come over for the sun and to work on that tan, then head to Swanbourne Beach. Situated in the picturesque beachside suburb of Swanbourne, this is Perth’s nude/gay beach which is about a 15 minute drive from the city – no dodgy tan lines here! Floreat Beach is also a popular gay and lesbian beach however it’s not a nude one – so make sure you remember your togs.

Popular nightspots include Connections nightclub in Northbridge which has been around for more than 30 years. That makes it the oldest club in Perth and the oldest GLBT club in the southern hemisphere. But by no means does it look its age – it’s recently had a renovation and is still a true disco delight.

They’ve even got free lesbian mud wrestling every Wednesday from 10pm.

The Court Hotel is another popular hotspot, with great weekly food deals, events, amateur drag, disco and plenty of entertainment every night of the week.

The Luxe Bar in Mount Lawley is thought to be Perth’s top cocktail and lounge bar. Donned with a lavish interior, the staff know their drinks menu to a tee – it’s clear to see why they’ve won so many awards. The all-male Perth Steam Works in Northbridge is Perth’s premier men’s sauna, situated right in the heart of Chinatown, and is also a well-liked gay hotspot.

The Honey Lounge is Perth’s newest GLBT venue, and play Funk, Soul, Disco and Lounge with live performers. They also have a great selection of drinks and nibbles of offer, and have really taken off since they opened at the end of March 2012.

Same sex owned/operated and same sex friendly accommodation such as backpacker’s hostels, B&B’s, hotels, motels and guest houses can be found throughout Perth and regional locations such as Margaret River, Albany and Broome.

So fear not when travelling to Western Australia as there are plenty of gay and lesbian offerings on show.

Here’s where you can find some of our featured venues.

Connections Nightclub

81 James Street, Northbridge WA 6003 (08) 9328 1870 www.connectionsnightclub.com

The Court Hotel

50 Beaufort Street, Perth WA 6000 (08)9328 5292 www.thecourt.com.au

The Luxe Bar

446 Beaufort Street, Mount Lawley, Perth WA 6050 08 9228 9680 www.luxebar.com

Perth Steam Works

369 William Street, Perth WA 6000 (08) 9328 2930 www.perthsteamworks.com.au

The Honey Lounge

663 Newcastle Street, Perth WA 6007 0450 734 624 www.honeylounge.com.au

The Mustang Bar The Mustang Bar is located in the heart of Perth’s late night entertainment precinct about ten minutes walk North from the centre of the City.

For over twelve years it has provided live music seven nights a week. No matter your preference it is bound to be covered at some point in the week.

Rock, pop, original, touring acts, roots, rockabilly, big band swing plus a huge salsa dance night happening every week. All this plus DJ’s playing the latest and old school anthems. The Mustang is a must do whilst in Perth, especially if you fancy a late one, The Mustang is open until 1am MondayThursday and 3am on Fridays and Saturdays, and if you’re partial to a bit of Sunday club action they’re open til midnight on Sundays.

The Mustang also have an extensive cable TV network to keep you up to date with live sport from around the world, with lots of screens and a giant screen, it’s the perfect venue for sport fans who doesn’t want to miss out whilst on their travels.

The Mustang plays host to the longest running & best value backpacker & student night every Wednesday. Their $5 meal deal ensures you have at least one good meal a week during your stay plus the chance to win cash prizes on the night. For all the latest gig guide and event information go to www.mustangbar.com.au or call us at the bar (08) 93282350.

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JOKES: Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mum’s the best sex in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mum, and it was sweeeeet!” Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mum liked it!” Finally the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!

Simon, Name This Bar

Little Sally came home from school and told her mother.

“Frankie Brown showed me his willy today!”

Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.”

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s Mum asked, “Really small was it?”

Sally replied, “No...salty!”

Rich, St Kilda

I arrived home from work and my girlfriend started punching and kicking me.

“How could you!” she screamed. “How fucking could you! You’ve fucked my sister you bastard!”

“I’m sorry,” I confessed. “I got to work and she was lying there...naked. I’m only human. What was I supposed to do?”

“The fucking autopsy,” she cried.

Gus, Bondi Junction

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. “What was that for?” he asked. “That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,” she replied. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,” he explained.

‘Oh honey, I’m sorry,’ she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.“ Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What was that for? ‘Your horse phoned.”

Bob, Kings Cross

I showed my wife a picture of that 63 stone teenager this morning.

“Why are you showing me that?” she asked.

“I just wanted to make the point that you could end up like this.”

“Do you really think so?” she said.

“Definitely. If you lose a little bit of weight.”

Sarah, Kings Cross A guy goes to the supermarket in Liverpool and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says “Hello.”

He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my arse with wet celery?”

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

Geoff, Bondi Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?”

The guy replies “A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”

“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

“You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”

“Done” says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12” Bic?” John, Sydney

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, “Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession.

Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.”

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and says, “My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?”

She said “I don’t think you really understand, my name was Brian and I played for Manly!”

Barry, Fitzroy A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his ‘manhood’ into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member’. He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!). “Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantasticly, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons.”

Peter, Paddington

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Get Social Trending Patterns and prints are popping up all over the place this month and they’re certainly catching the lustful eye of BBM. With the weather getting ever colder, we’ve come up with some bright ideas to help you keep hold of that summer feeling. Whether it’s new shoes you’re after, or just some gadgets to distract you now the festivals are over, these are some of the best bits around this month.

Society6 This is probably the best way to jazz up your iPhone: Society6 have the coolest range of cases around. They might not be the cheapest, but it’s worth it if it means having the best looking phone in town. With 775 pages of cases in the ‘Illustation’ category alone, the only problem is, which one do you choose? Prints range from bright Aztec designs to floral skulls, studs, typography and quirky illustrations. Society6 have something for everybody, but be sure to choose carefully. We at BBM are going to be saving up to buy a few!

Price: $35 Available from: society6.com

Nike X Liberty Nike’s collaboration with Liberty London has, unsurprisingly, produced the prettiest trainers we’ve ever seen. From the Sky High Dunks with their built in wedge to the supercool floral Blazers, these shoes are the best way to brighten up any outfit and are sure to add a touch of summer cheer – or what’s left of it – to your day. Whether you’re the active type or just a girly girl in need to some casual footwear that still looks super glam, Liberty Nikes are the way to go. Available from Liberty.co.uk, it’s no surprise that the most fashionable trainers out there are snapped up almost as soon as they’re restocked. So get in there quick and have your fancy new footwear be the envy of all your friends.

Price: $112 – 152 Available from: www.liberty.co.uk

ASOS Backpack The festival season might be over but that doesn’t mean the fashion can’t live on. This canvas Baggu backpack is the perfect way to carry your things in style. Baggu maintain a strong eco stance and, since this bag is available in orange, yellow and blue as well as a vibrant array of patterns, there’s a Baggu for everyone. Combining innovative compact styling with a fashion that will work with any outfit, Baggu have got stylish luggage in the bag.

Price: $64 Available from: www.asos.com.au

Abandon Ship Abandon Ship Apparel are at the top of the ranks when it comes to cool, motif printed vests and tops. Famous for their classic upside-down cross logo tee, other designs include anchors, all-seeing eyes and cute demon kittens.

Modelled on traditional tattoo designs, Abandon Ship are a cutting edge brand with limited but cheap products, with everything from snapbacks and beanies to tops and even phone cases, ear plugs and false nails, Abandon Ship are the place to be for quirky and cool fashion this season.

Price: $35 Available from: abandonshipapparel.bigcartel.com

Diana F+ X Qing Hua Chi Dorophy Tang is the latest designer/illustrator to team up with Diana F+ to create yet another ultra stylish and super sleek new camera. This mixture of traditional Chinese patterns with fashionable vintage florals create Tang’s signature style, named Qing Hua Chi. Colette commissioned the idea following Tang’s one off design for the Detrich Collection and Diana Vignettes Exhibition, and voila! Now it’s available for everyone, and even comes with four Dorophy Tang Shopping Baby illustrated postcards.

Price: $116 Available from: www.colette.fr

By Ella White

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BBM's Apps Of The Month As usual, our resident technology lover, James Stapleton, has been on the lookout for the best new apps available this month. From football to music and gaming, he’s got it covered, so make sure you check out what he’s found this month for all you smart-phoners.

Euro 2012 Football, football, football.! It’s time for Euro 2012 and UEFA, in partnership with Orange have designed this handy little app to keep you in touch with every kick, flick, goal, dive and controversy accompanying this muchanticipated tournament.

It won’t help in a penalty shoot-out, but is very much a one-stop shop for all things Euro this summer. They’ve really made an effort on the detail here, providing a wealth of stats, team profiles, photo galleries videos and the option to personalize alerts so you can keep in touch with England’s latest attempt to disappoint the nation.

Price: FREE, available on iOS and Android.

Max Payne Mobile More than a decade after he first moodily stomped onto the home PC, ‘Max Payne’, the critically acclaimed, third person, film-noir actioner, finally makes it onto the small screen.

The anti-hero cop who “plays by his own rules” caused a stir back in the day with its intricate, film-worthy storyline and Matrix style “bullet-time” action sequences, a bit like a Steven Seagal film but with a plot.

The transition here has been seamless, gorgeous HD rendering bringing to life the originals jaw-dropping detail.

With a well thought out, customisable user interface to match, ‘Max Payne Mobile’ immersive gameplay is ideal for wasting away long, arduous train and bus journeys. One of the great games of our time.

Price: £2.99, available on iOS and Android.

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TuneIn Radio Forget buying an expensive and overly fiddly digital radio for leisure or pleasure. TuneIn Radio marries an easy to use interface with over 60,000 digital stations to ensuring that you can easily access whatever music takes your fancy for the setting you are in. It has a couple of nifty features, such as live pause and rewinding of any station in case you couldn’t hear the DJ’s garbled pronunciation of a new tune you’ve heard. It can also be used in the background of other apps as well as doubling as a handy alarm clock.

Price: FREE, available on iOS and Android.

TV Catch Up We’re kinda surprised this app exists, God knows what clever loophole they’ve used but TV catch up is essentially, “we’ll turn your phone into a UK freeview box….for free.” So whether home or abroad you can catch up on the latest Apprentice, Country file, Cash in the Attic – whatever takes you fancy. Grab it while it still exists.

Price: FREE, available on iOS and Android.

Soundcloud It’s fantastic. Simply fantastic. Fast becoming the go-to place for new music, demos, artists and remixes, Soundcloud now boasts a huge library of tunes, many of which you won’t hear anywhere else. The nice people at Soundcloud have not only provided an app that will keep your ear canals complemented till Christmas, but have in fact installed a laughably easy to use record function so you can lay down and upload any musical tinkering’s you create on the move.

Price: FREE, available on iOS and Android.

By James Stapleton

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MUSIC NEWS Single Reviews

Gossip - Perfect World Gossip (formerly called The Gossip to those not aware of the subtle name change) would likely be a band playing small local shows and lingering in relative obscurity if it wasn’t for their magnetic front-woman Beth Ditto. For better or worse, Ditto defines the band she leads, and once again on the latest single ‘Perfect World’ she steals the limelight from her largely unheralded band-mates.

Album Reviews

The band has seemingly been keen to move further and further away from their punk roots in recent years, but the collaboration with hit-making team Xenomania (Kylie Minogue, Sugababes, Girls Aloud) still might raise a few eyebrows and upset their more punk-orientated fans (if there are any of them left that is).

Anyway, the song is catchy and immediate enough to be a potential hit for the band, even if it has a rather cheesy, 80s power ballad feel to it, which somehow serves to work in its favour. There is no doubt that Ditto has an impressive vocal range, and on ‘Perfect World’ she exercises her chords to the max on the soaring chorus, in a manner that Bonnie Tyler would be proud of. More Madonna than Minutemen, Gossip have taken such a large and decisive a step into pop terrain that it would seem impossible for them to return back to their punk roots. It suits them better in all honesty.

Gossip’s new album A Joyful Noise is out now.

By William David Wilson

The Kooks – How’d You Like That

Mystery Jets - Radlands

Back in 2006 when Brighton’s bouncing pop-pickers’ cheery disposition burst all over the scene, The Kooks were that band that you kind of liked even if you thought you didn’t.

Their follow up album ‘Konk’, wasn’t an immediate hit, but still did well enough for them to return last year with a third album, ‘Junk Of The Heart’.

London’s Mystery Jets have been cruising around the musical airspace since the middle of the last decade, managing to produce some hidden sing-a-long gems, but generally keeping themselves to themselves, not quite settling on one sound or direction, nor living up to their initial promise. Perhaps that will change with the departure of bassist Kai Fish, and the introduction of new album, ‘Radlands.’

Their latest offering from this album is the pleading ‘How’d You Like That?’- a mid-tempo uplifting tune with a massive sing-along hook. It’s not big or clever, and it mostly consists of asking: “Is that alright, is it? No, really, is it?” But it’s a good listen that gets stuck in your head and will no doubt be the cause of much humming along. It’s The Kooks, and we can’t really say more than that.

First impressions are of an Americana-tinged album that actually seems to fit together rather well. Although there aren’t necessarily any tracks that leap out at you in the same way as previous poppier efforts have, it feels like a happier marriage of tracks.

Yes it owes a reasonable debt to ‘Join With Us’ by their sunny compatriots ‘The Feeling’, but it’s a worthy addition to the 2012 summer soundtrack. Have a listen and let them know how you’d like that.

Encapsulating much of Neil Young, a bit of Skynard, a crap-load of harmonica, plodding bass-lines, honky-tonk piano and some coda-style song endings that come out of nowhere and leave you with a fuzzy deep-south American feeling, it works.

By Robin Lewis

Sebastian Ingrosso and Alesso- Lose my Mind The almighty powerhouse Sebastian Ingrosso is back in our ears with new track ‘Lose my Mind’ which is a collaboration with his 20-year-old DJ protégé Alesso, and singer/songwriter -One Republics Ryan Tedder. With the memory of Swedish House Mafias mind-blowing set at Future Music Festival this year still ever so fresh in our minds as one of the best performances my dilated eyes have ever laid eyes upon, this new track took me slightly by surprise.

As we all know the SHM boys are an unstoppable force, and Sebastian Ingrosso is without doubt an insanely talented man behind the decks, but the track didn’t blow my mind. However it is sure to please commercial ears around the world. The track hits the commercial house music nail on the head for the current music chart scene and is sure to hit high numbers in the rankings. If you’re up for a track that will get you pumped for a night out in your local club, this is the track for you. It lacks a little of Ingrosso’s usual ‘je ne sais quoi’ which makes his and SHM previous tracks stand out from the crowd no matter how many times you hear them, but none the less it’s a dirty monster of a track sure to please the commercial dance scene.

Once you start giving it the few listens it really needs to get into your head and make you appreciate it, you’ll notice that (lead single) ‘Someone Purer’, the understated opener, ‘Radlands’, the delicate ‘The Ballad of Emmerson Lonestar and the (not so apologetically stuck in the middle) ‘Greatest Hits’ are tracks which you’re going to add to your ‘starred’ list on Spotify.

It’s a roadtrip of an album that puts in mind of trudging along the dusty highways of the States in the mid-70s.

It’s not quite a classic, but it’s a direction that works for the Mystery Jets, one which they can be justly proud of. Having obviously found a sense of joy with ‘Radlands’, it will be interesting to see where they decide to go next.

By Robin Lewis

Huxley Australian Tour

By Kayleigh McCue

White Arrows – Roll Forever Mickey Church, lead singer of L.A.-based psychedelic pop pastiche-ers, White Arrows, was born blind. His vision was righted at the age of 11, but his formative years as a sightless child forced him to perceive the world as an impressionistic smear. Since he couldn’t make out those around him, he assumed they couldn’t see him either. He rode make-believe horses, sung made-up songs and later gained an unexpected degree in shamanistic ritual.

It’s this fearlessly free-spirited approach that appears to translate so vividly into the band’s sound.

Soon to join Micky was brother Henry on sticks, and after bonding over a shared love of sensory overload so did old friend J.P. Caballero on guitar, Andrew Naeve on keys and beats and Steven Vernet on bass. After an intense period of touring, playing alongside the likes of Cults, Those Darlins and Weezer, the band are set to release their debut LP ‘Dry Land Is Not A Myth’ on Vovit on 19 June.

Huxley will be touching down in Australia later this month. Since his late teens he’s been producing, and initially gained underground success as a Garage producer before his sound partly mutated towards a deeper, House- based sound in the past few years.

‘Roll Forever’ is the band’s first single from the forthcoming LP and has been made available to stream over on Stereogum and to buy on iTunes. The track roars open with a hectic barrage of muscular beat distortions, interplaying with frantic spasms of guitar tremolo. Mickey’s hippy-go-lucky vocals soon float the tune into a more conventional psyche-rock rhythm. The song follows variations of these two sections, overlapping each other on a freewheeling verge of nostalgically spacious psychedelic rock whilst doffing the cap towards glitchy industrial references.

Collaborations with old mate Ethyl for the then hot-as-hell Cecille imprint in 2009 showed a producer receiving massive support for what instantly seemed like a fully developed sound. Since then, Huxley has delivered releases for an enviable roster of labels (Tsuba, Morris Audio, Fear of Flying, Hypercolour and 20:20 Vision for starters) and has stayed true to his robust, bass-led strain of house music that reflects his formative interests in UK and US Garage, with critics, punters and peers lapping up each release and remix.

The band clearly have a unique blend of sounds, and if this track is anything to go by, the intrigue of how their sonic stylings will hold over the course of a long player remain a course for curious concern.

Huxley Tour Dates:

By Lee Coleman

Friday 29th June, Smalltown at Mercat Basement, Melbourne Saturday 30th June, Bad Apple at One22, Sydney

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MUSIC NEWS Hot Chip – In Our Heads

Perfect for the car, bar, gym or stomping the sand, Cuba Libre in hand, the album has something for everyone and is sure to be one of the soundtracks to the summer. Yet again they have presented us with another infectious album you’ll want to hear over and over and over, like a monkey with a miniature cymbal.

By James Stapleton

V.A – Hard Ass Compilation Take a musical tour around the globe with the new Hardass VA Compilation record- this truly is something special. With a mix of House, Techno, and Dubstep to name but a few, this compilation is a refreshing change for bedrooms and dance floors alike. Designed to get your feet stomping and hearts racing the plethora of styles and global sounds equates to an almighty hell of a listen.

The record pays homage to the Kuduro style of music, which originated in Angola in the late 80s and thankfully has been reinstated and brought forward with this gem full of dance-floor fillers guaranteed to put a huge smile across faces all over the universe. The term Kuduro translates to ‘hard ass’ and fittingly so. Music makers have taken the platform of Kuduro to showcase a modernised style that deserves to be shown off.

Southwest London’s electronic indie five piece ‘Hot Chip’, return with their new album ‘In Our Heads’, their first release with new label Domino Records.

Exlovers – Moth LP Rememebershoegaze? No, me neither. Well, seems as though Londonbased dream-poppers Exlovers are spearheading a revival of the late 80s alt-rock sub-genre, albeit under the new guise of, wait for it, nu-gaze. After its critical zenith of 1990 and 1991, the genre slowly dissolved into the mid-90s, leaving with it its trademark distortions, droning riffs and subdued vocals. Oh and of course, the introspective downward gazing and heavy use of effects pedals to which the genre owes its name. The distant memory of what was in the main a genre of bleak lo-fi aesthetics and self-indulgent middle-class twoffing, is now undergoing the sun-flecked reinventions of Exlovers’ debut LP ‘Moth’. But can they really reinvent the embryonic wheel of Brit pop? And do we really need them to?

‘Moth’ owes much of its grace to producers Demian Castellanos and Jimmy Robertson, co-producing and recording the LP at Rockfield Studios, Wales.

The strength of this album and indeed Exlovers’ sound as a whole, is their predisposed carving of dreamy pop from a shoegaze post; resulting in something far more accessible and far more reaching than its forefather genre.

For instance, opener ‘Starlight Starlight’ whisks the sweet vocal melodies akin to broadcast together with familiar 80s guitar riffs, while following track ‘This Love Will Lead You On’ is teeming with that feel-good pop-factor.

After a strong start the album plateaus into a wash of repetition, with easily forgettable tracks ‘Emily’ and ‘Just A Silhouette’ seemingly melding into one.

‘Blowing kisses’ briefly snaps us out of it with a resurgent upbeat number, propelled by zesty drums and probing guitar riffs, before ‘Unlovable’ reprises back into a sleepy daze of soft guitar washes and vocals. Although the melancholic lyrics suggest that the band hold substance as well as style, singer Scott’s lyrical content fails to hit home in a way that honest ones should.

“I’m trying to forget, I wish we hadn’t met” and other whinings. Penultimate track ‘You’re So Quiet’ ironically kicks and screams as the album’s most energetic roller, while ‘Ruins’ twangs us out with a familiar ad-friendly tone.

Where the band succeed is ultimately where the band fail. Although their melancholic lyrics are at times juxtaposed cleverly with the music’s sunnier tendencies, it’s these angst-ridden sentiments, which grow tiresome over the course of the album, rendering what is a stylish first impression into a hollow irritant.

With the smash success of their previous album ‘One Life Stand’, Hot Chip’s stock has never been higher. With many seeing their most recent work as their best to date, the pressure was on for their much-anticipated follow-up.

We’re happy to say it doesn’t disappoint. ‘In Our Heads’ is an 11 track musical menagerie of genres, styles and decades with a focus firmly on the dance floor.

By Lee Coleman

The first track ‘Motion Sickness’ gets us off to a four on the floor flyer, militaristic brass stabs providing a firm footing that, in keeping with the song title, moves quickly from one hook to another. The 90s beat and bass mentality is continued on second track ‘How Do You Do’ before ‘Don’t Deny Your Heart’ drags things kicking and screaming back to the cheesy 80s, for a spritely track that wouldn’t be out of place as the intro to a kids TV show.

Latest single ‘Night And Day’, all crunchy bass hooks and incessant hi-hat is impossible to resist, a succulent slice of instant Dance Pop, Hot Chip doing what they do best.

‘These Chains’, has a great post-club feel, a laid back narcotic draining strain of breezy Funky House. It’s on these more sombre affairs that Alexis Taylor’s vocal skill really comes to the forefront, his voice is unique, an under appreciated gem that always carries the tunes well without dominating the tracks constant stream of syncopated licks and tricks.

Whilst not as good as ‘One Life Stand’, their latest work stands up well. Hot Chips success has always been down to them doing what they do well. They aren’t trying to be something they are not, ignoring the rather desperate need these days to chase after the latest electronic lick, innovative Dubstep hook or controversial guest artist. This allows their creativity and music to flourish; this is a party album, not a made to order, necessity driven, paint by numbers collection. It’s a formula that clearly works; they have been around for over 10 years after all.

The compilation has had a lot of time in the mixer, three years in the making and six compilations later to be exact, and it has been cooked to perfection.

The man to thank is J-Wow a DJ/producer of Buraka Som Sistema who has called upon other musical greats from across the globe including Bok Bok, Douster, Seiji, Zombies For Money or Canblaster - among many others to reinterpret the Kuduro phenomenon. Each track compliments the other perfectly forming the perfect drop of each track like a line of dominoeseffortless. Personal favorites would have to be ‘Nic Samo- Mana Wasa,’ this track opens the whole thing up and sets the pace for a trip out of your current location and braces you for a musical trip outside of the ordinary. Also ‘Savage Skulls- Marawa’ and never before released ‘Slap In The Bass- Tapa’ are both smashing tracks.

As a whole this is an extremely enjoyable ride if you like your music to be up-tempo, feet stomping, carnival infused and have a cheeky beat. If you’re looking for a record to get hooked to, play at a cracking house party, introduce your mates to or mix into your own sets, this carnival infused diamond is a sure-fire winner. It’s a 16 track round the world ticket - Bring on the summer!

By Kayleigh McCue

The Popes Irish folk-rock band The Popes are coming back to Australia. Paul ‘Maddog’ McGuiness and his band are fresh off their tour in the UK opening for the Stranglers and although their line-up may have changed over their 18-year history, their quintessential ‘Paddy Beat’ hasn’t.

The band was formed in 1994 by Shane MacGowan , after he was sacked from the Pogues. The Popes released three albums with MacGowan as well as a variety of EP’s and singles. They recorded one studio album, ‘Holloway Boulevard,’ one live album, ‘Release The Beast,’ an EP, ‘Are You Looking At Me?,’ and several singles as a solo group.

Today their sound is harder yet still melodic, Celtic and original. The Popes are a rock’n’roll band with the soul of a fiddler at the crossroads.

The current line up consists of Paul McGuinness - guitar and vocals, Will Morrison - drums, Jim McAllister - bass and vocals, Whiskey Mick - mandolin, guitar and vocals and Dave Allen - fiddle, mandolin and all things ‘moving’ and Charlie Hoskyns - guitar and vocals.

With Charlie Hoskyns unavailable for the tour and Jim McAllister having to withdraw for personal reasons, joining the band to play bass will be Mark Cryle, a Brisbane-based singer and songwriter.

Mark has described playing with The Popes as a real honour, and he is looking forward to playing songs such as ‘Outlaw Heaven’ and ‘Bastards’ from the Outlaw Heaven album. This album is to be released by Arelmusic for the tour, and features old friends Shane MacGowan and Spider Stacy.

Also being released for the tour is The Popes’ new album ‘New Church.’

The Popes open the tour at the National Celtic Festival in Port Arlington, Victoria and then go on to Tasmania, Queensland, Victoria, ACT and New South Wales.

Key dates 20 June Corner Hotel, Richmond, Victoria 21 June Palais Theatre, Hepburn Springs, Victoria 23 June Polish Club, Turner, ACT 27 June Great Northern, Newcastle, NSW 28 June Vanguard, Newtown, NSW 30 June City Diggers Club, Wollongong, NSW All tour details at www.arelmedia.com.au

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INTERVIEWS: An intriguing character, the multi-instrumentalist musician Tom Vek has remained a subject of curiosity since his vanishing act in 2004.

His reappearance in 2011 with Leizure Seizure received a rapturous welcome return, a pleasant surprise for the guy who admits he’s “perfectly capable of geeking out over technology.” Alexandra MacLeod caught up with Tom Vek just before his recent performances in Australia, as he talked about Future Bureau’s, aesthetic quirks, and what the future holds for his “bombastic music.”

Are you looking forward to your shows in Australia this weekend?

I am yeah. Because it was Modular Showcase, the Australian label, I was asked to go, and said ‘of course’ because I’ve never been. But yeah, excited about it!

How do you prepare yourself for live shows?

Usually its just a process of panicking about, well sort of double checking technology because I have dreamed up ways of technically playing a lot of this new stuff, because most of time I can’t even remember what I used to make a noise on a song, so its quite hard to emulate it authentically in terms of using the original instrument, the original keyboard patch or whatever.

I’ve developed this way where we use lots of samples, triggers and loops and things, but still in a live context. So yeah, usually I’ve just got that going through my head, and then remembering lyrics too. There are couple of quite wordy tracks on the new record and before gigs I’m thinking: ’I wish I hadn’t, I wish I had two less verses’. I use a full band, and one member plays this new instrument we’ve cobbled together, that’s a mixture of an MPC, a keyboard, and a loop station so he has a lot to do, he looks like a manic keyboardist, basically, but it allows us to get all the original songs right. It’s got a few names, it’s either The Sample Station, or The Future Bureau, we haven’t decided.

What does music give you that you wouldn’t get out of any other creative pursuit?

I’ve always found a certain type of music can give me a very potent feeling, and I guess as soon as I was inspired by that I tried to do my own. I liked the escapism of it, much of my stuff is rooted in rock music essentially, but it’s intention is to have this kind of bombastic nature to it, heavy snare drums and loud choruses kicking in so it’s a bit of a head-banging moment, which is something I really like in my music.

What inspires you to make music the way you do?

I never studied music, and so when I was in a fortunate enough situation to start recording and trying out writing, I was discovering it for myself, and there was no theory behind it all. It was just being inspired by the music I was buying and it became an artistic pursuit. Grunge was the first stuff that really resonated with me, I got Siamese Dreams, The Smashing Pumpkins record and I remember that being one of the first albums, that was my favourite album, it was my thing, I had my album. I liked Jimmy Chamberlin drumming on that record. But it was cooler, everyone played guitar, so I played bass first, and then learnt to play drums, which of course makes you popular with new bands because everyone needs a drummer.

You were a graphic design student, is there a crossover between this meticulous creative outlook and your music?

They’ve always gone hand-in-hand, but it kind of thrills me in the opposite way music does, in terms of solving a problem and presenting something the best way possible. And so naturally I enjoy doing all the design that’s necessary for my own work. I have a lot of fun with covers, and I’ve just been doing T-shirts and things, you know, I have a concern for aesthetics, which does extend to my apparel. There are a lot of cross-pollinations going on, and there are projects that I’ve been approached to do because they want to tap into you as a musician, but with music it’s very hard to direct it. Saying that, I was involved in a project with Ray-ban recently, and was cagey about it at first because I never do anything I don’t like, but I liked what I produced and was just like ‘great, let’s go, give me my shades!’

The six year gap that everyone remains fascinated by; would ‘Leizure Seizure’ have suffered if you’d been pressured for a quicker turnaround?

It’s hard to know, sometimes pressure is good…often it’s bad. I’ve always been quite a brat when it comes to deadlines and things like that, I remember even at school it was the same, you know, everything was done at the last minute, so I think I probably would of done something and I would have been proud of it as well. I do think it’s a better record for it, I sometime think there could have been a record in between, it’s a tough one. I think ultimately I do kind of like deadlines, a deadline sort of arose on its own for the record.

The music industry has picked out the likes of Friendly Fires, Klaxons, and Jamie T, expressing that they have much to thank you for. What is it like receiving this kind of credit for your music?

Well, it’s very cool. But you know I was indebted to The Rapture, it had a huge game changing influence on a lot of us, and I suppose you’re always passing things on. The Klaxons and Friendly Fires are great examples of what all of us were trying to do.

You’ve just released a new single ‘You’ll Stay’, is an album going to follow?

Well no, I quite like the idea of putting stuff out there as soon as I do them. It’s been really enjoyable to put something out so soon after writing it, if I was to put it on an album who knows how long it would take. It’s really fun because were going to be playing it live too, it’s very refreshing. There seems to be this hunger for continuous content online, and as a creative person you every so often have a consistent output, but traditionally in the music industry you write all your songs, maybe a write a bit too many and pick the best ones.

It’s more digestible, but maybe down the line it might be compiled to create an album, who knows.

Maccabees

By Alexandra Macleod

Hi Norman, what’s going on? What are you up to at the moment?

Hi. I’ve been up to loads recently; I’ve got a lot coming up in the next couple of weeks. I’m off to Japan to begin a short tour through Asia, I head to Hong Kong come home, and then 24 hours later I am off to Sunsplash Festival in Antalya in Turkey. I’ve been doing that festival since it started. It’s small, very personable; no really big names go there yet. It’s very relaxing - a good mix of work and play.

Tell us a little about the Right Royal Carry on?

It starts in Battersea Park right by the River Thames and is part of an overall bigger festival, so there will be a lot going on. There’s music, stalls, workshops and all that. The Good Times Bus will be there providing some musical accompaniment for when the Queen sails past on her boat. We’re there from 12 – 8 and then the hard-core party people can head to the Clapham Grand where we’ll party till the early hours.

Have any special guests been confirmed?

We’ve confirmed Graeme Park, a Scottish DJ who was around when the Hacienda in Manchester was in its heyday. It’ll be fantastic to have him in the park in the afternoon. Aside from that we’ve got a lot of unconfirmed acts – people will just have to come down and find out on the day. We’re also inviting a host of special guests down to the Clapham Grand.

It’s going to be a long day – first Battersea and then Clapham…

Yeah it will be but we’re used to it. This is the prelude to our return to Notting Hill Carnival; it’s going to be a walk in the park in comparison.

Norman Jay When the Queen decides its time to sit up and pay respect to dance music then you know that you are on to something special. For those of you who haven’t heard of Norman Jay – shame on you! He is only the most-loved bloody DJ to come out of London. So much so that in 2002, the Queen must have removed her headphones in delight and declared that she would reward the first MBE of its kind to the man himself for “Deejaying and Services to Music”.

Amy Baker speaks to Norman Jay on the eve of his mammoth all-day Queen’s Jubilee celebration, the Right Royal Carry On in his beloved London Town. With a summer packed full of festival appearances, tours around the globe and a much-lauded return to his rightful home at Notting Hill Carnival, it comes as no surprise that his spirits are riding high.

TOM VEK

Would you describe yourself as a Royalist?

Hmm…marginally. I’m neither here nor there on the matter.

Will you be playing any tracks that you know are amongst the Queen’s favourites?

We’re essentially going to be playing the stuff that Good Times is known for.

We want there to be a real carnival vibe but we’ll poke into other genres and make it a little more accessible during the day. The fact that it is all a part of the Diamond Jubilee just gives me a great excuse to play some tracks that I love, like The Clash. Later we’ll be celebrating 50 years of music and clubs with Northern Soul, Motown, Hip Hop, House, 80s and 90s disco. We’ll be on a proper club tip later.

It must have been a huge honour to be awarded an MBE? It was! At first I just thought that it was a very poor leg pull. My first thought was that someone was taking the piss, but when it turned out to be true, I was justifiably very, very proud.

What was the Queen like?

I tell you what - it was marvellous to meet her. She was friendly, agile, active and very personable. Of course I was nervous, it was a surreal experience. It all just happened so quickly, it was over in the blink of an eye.

Playing the Queen’s Jubilee event is a bit different from your days of pirate radio and warehouse parties…

We’re excited about it. We’re there by Royal prerogative! Bringing the Good Times Bus will be fantastic. No doubt the whole thing will be massively oversubscribed, everyone wants to get a glimpse as she sails past.

Any plans to head to Australia soon?

I made my debut at the Sydney Festival in January. We had an exact replica of the Good Times Bus set up in the middle of Hyde Park. It was everything that I hoped Notting Hill could be if we had that much space. There were 25,000 people there just having the best time in beautiful surroundings. It

was my first time at the festival and the biggest concert I’ve ever played in Australia. I’m looking forward to getting out there in again when summer rolls round again. It’s such a great time to be in Australia. I normally fly over for Australia Day and then head to Waitangi Day in New Zealand.

You’re the busiest man in music - you’ve done radio, TV, film, fashion – is there any other industries that you are planning taking on?

Not really. I’m just a regular guy with regular interests. I don’t really have ambitions that I set out to achieve. Life is just one long remix, I just like to see what happens.

Have you ever managed to pinpoint the exact song that made you think “wow music is it for me, this is what I want to do?

Not really. It was a process of evolution. I was exposed to music from a young age; my background was completely immersed in music. I discovered London’s West End when I was about 14, became a serial clubber and got to experience all the seminal clubs in London through the 70s, 80s and 90s. It was in the 90s that I started putting on events. We did some great stuff back then. We’d get on the last tube on the circle line with a sound system and 150 people and see how long we could stay on before we got thrown out. We partied on the platform at Paddington Station before they built the Marks and Spencer’s there! I’d ride around on my Raleigh Chopper and go scouting for places to hold massive parties. We had one that sticks in my mind right next to Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre on the Southbank.

Did you ever get in any trouble?

Fortunately not, I quit whilst I was ahead. I never set out to make money. I just wanted to have fun. When the Acid House movement happened and the criminal world got involved, drug culture, I decided it was time to turn my back on it and it was the right move.

In such a long and fruitful career – is it possible to pinpoint a highlight?

Probably my debut at Notting Hill Carnival back in 1990. It’s always the highlight of my year. My year honestly begins and ends with Notting Hill Carnival. It’s the last great free festival in the country.

I played the after party at the World Economics Forum in Davos in Switzerland. The place was full of the people who run the planet, all the top industrialists. They danced and enjoyed the music. Once the drugs and drink kick in, everyone enjoys a party. I love everywhere that I go but my heart and head are in England. I’m a patriot and London is still the centre of club culture in the world.

Plans for the next few months?

I’ve got a few festivals coming up. Unfortunately the Big Chill isn’t happening this year which is a shame because it’s one of my favourites. I am doing Nova Festival in West Sussex. It’s the first year of the festival this year and is brought to you by the organisers of the Big Chill. I’m doing Latitude for the first time and really looking forward to, Vintage Festival and of course, Notting Hill Carnival – I can’t wait for that.

I’m also trying to organise a Mod festival alongside Eddie Piller from Acid Jazz. It’s going to celebrate everything 60s and 70s and it gives people excuses to parade their scooters around.

By Amy Baker

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INTERVIEWS: when it comes to your vision of the whole package. There is nothing you have to obey to, you don´t have to do what others tell you, because you have your certain vision of how Techno music should come across. I can live this vision on my label platform, I can live this in my studio and I can live this on a DJ stage. And that´s an amazing thing to do, I can be creative in each of these fields without having any limits really, or anyone who tells me what exactly to do. And this is what I try to pass on to fellow producers and the artists in our roster, to have no limits and just to take things - that for example I say - as suggestions. But in the end it is kind of my decision if things get played, get released – and happen. But if they happen and get played and released, the trust in the artist grows. You can achieve so many things with other people together. It´s just a fantastic thing to do.

In terms of the production process, how do you approach writing new material and is there a set formula that you tend to adopt?

Usually I get inspired by my DJ sets when I play on the weekend and this is something I am thinking of when I am producing. But sometimes I think that it is also quite limiting, because you kind of feel you have to produce something that fits your sets. So I am going through some kind of transition at the moment, in which I try not to be so influenced by my DJ sets. Sometimes, when you don´t feel the flow, it helps to just take a break from producing. If you struggle with producing you should not really try harder and harder to produce, because you just block yourself even more.

Chris Liebing Way back in 1990 in an area of Germany called Giessen, Chris Liebing began his career playing Hip Hop, Soul, Pop and House. However, soon his affections turned to electronic music and so led to the opening of his own club named Spinclub in 1994. With his DJ skills mastered Liebing went on to found Soap Records and a job at Eye Q Records in Frankfurt provided him with useful experiences and contacts in the Techno scene.

Liebing’s sway in the music scene gathering momentum, he went on to form the well-respected label CLR, which has since held him in good stead. This month we chat to Chris Liebing ahead of his Australian tour.

So you started off spinning Hip Hop, Soul, Pop and House: how did your music destiny end up in the hands of the Techno gods?

I was always sort of drawn to a little bit faster and more electronic sounding beats, that´s why I tended to play more and more House in my Soul, Pop, and Hip Hop sets. And then, when the first Techno came out that I was able to play in a regular student club, I incorporated it into the rest of the music.

But at some point I just didn´t see any good reason to play commercial music anymore. That was the point when I basically quit my job and went on to become a Techno DJ, which was just what I wanted to do.

You’re credited as being a technical pioneer in both performance and production. With this in mind, do you think that technology has made music more or less accessible for new artists?

Well this goes two ways. First, it has become way easier to produce music from a technical viewpoint. What you need today is a laptop, a sequencer and enough plug-ins to be creative. So in order to get into the world of musicmaking it does not take much anymore, which is a great thing, because everybody can try out his thing. There is definitely talent coming up right now, which would probably not have made it 10 or 20 years ago, when it was still very expensive to produce music. But on the other side there is a whole flood of very average or below-average electronic music that´s basically just produced out of sample CDs and loops that were put on top of each other, so in that respect it has become harder to stand out. But even though there is a flood of music, if an artist is doing it from his heart, there are definitely ways for him to get through and get noticed. All this will definitely help him, so at the end of the day I think the whole thing is going in the right direction.

You straddle your CLR and Spinclub labels, DJ to audiences the world over and are responsible for many seminal productions both solo and collaborative. Which is your favourite aspect of the DJ/producer/label boss life and why?

You can be creative on so many different levels, and if one of them does not really work for you for a while, because you might have become fed up with it, you still have other things to explore. You don´t really need to be on top of the game in all those different aspects of your work all the time. You have times when you are feeling super-good as a DJ and as a label-boss, and then you can just drop being the producer for a while, or you are feeling great as a producer and then you might drop the label-boss life for a while and pass those responsibilities on to others. You have a lot of things under your control

Over two decades you’ve worked on countless productions and collaborations. What release are you most personally proud of and why?

To be honest I am not really proud of any of my productions. Afterwards I always think that they could be better and I often end up not even playing my own productions because I am fed up with them or I think they could have been done better. So, there is nothing that I am really proud of. But when it comes to collaborations, I´m quite happy to be able to work together with so many nice artists, having so much fun time in the studio, no matter if there are results or not. It just matters what you do in the studio and the more you focus on the moment when it happens, rather than sticking to a certain pattern, the higher the chances are that something really creative comes out. I am happy to be in a position that I can do that, and that I had collaborators in the past like Speedy J, Juan Pablo Pfirter and Tommy Four Seven, who are so much fun to work with, and who are also open-minded enough to just go with the flow and see what comes out.

How strongly do you rate the Australian Techno scene and are there any Aussie artists out there that have caught your attention recently?

I have been coming to Australia quite a lot, the first time was 1996. I was on tour with a German television station, together with the Swiss artist Rozzo - some of you might know him. Since then I have always had an amazing time in Australia. Of course, it´s a smaller Techno scene, but the smaller sometimes Techno scenes are, the more dedicated the people are who come to the parties and the more intense these parties are at some point. I played various quite different events in Australia. Last time I was down there I played at a little garage after hours club in Sydney, which was absolutely fantastic.

You would never end up playing at anything like this, up here in the northern hemisphere of the planet. It would probably be considered as just too small and too alternative in a way, or too “low budget”. So you experience new and great things and I really enjoy the vibe down under. The people are great and it´s fun to be there. Actually there are some good Australian Techno artists, for example Advanced Human is doing good stuff, but of course the most famous Techno artist to ever come out of Australia - for me was always DJ HMC. I still play a lot of his records and I am actually wondering what he is doing these days? What is DJ HMC doing these days?

You’re one of the most revered names in techno, does your rider reflect this with any bizarre demands or diva-ish must-haves?

Well actually my rider has some sort of special requests, but they are pretty down to earth and quite natural. I am vegan, so I like to have food without any animal products and still water. I think I am pretty easy when it comes to that.

What’s the most exciting prospect of your mini Australian tour?

The most exiting prospect is simply to come back to Australia and to play three gigs in such a short period of two days. It is going to be super-intense and right on the point, and that´s definitely the most exiting part of it.

In terms of your forthcoming performances in Australia, What can fans expect to see in terms of your current live setup?

My live setup sort of looks the same since two years. But I do have new Allen & Heath controllers, which I am very happy to use. I am using the Machine from Native Instruments in my live sets, which is great, because the hardware is always the same, but the software and the stuff you are feeding it with, is always changing. My live setup has grown into sort of an instrument, which I am starting to play by heart, and I am just changing the content on a weekly basis. There is always something new coming up and the great thing is, that it is normally quite spontaneous and improvised, so I never really know what happens. But whatever happens, I just try to make sure that it´s a lot fun and people can have a good time with it.

It does not really matter where you do the party and how it looks, it matters what you feel when you close your eyes while you are on the dance floor.

What’s next for Chris Liebing in 2012?

Loads of touring ahead in the summer, and some great productions on the way. An album by Drumcell, which is currently in the mix-down session, and an album of Monoloc, which is almost done and mixed down. I know that, since I am sort of taking care of the mix-down duties for this project myself. Great releases coming up on CLR and loads of hopefully exiting DJ gigs. Check out clr.net for more and follow me on Twitter and facebook. I am looking forward to come down to Australia, and thanks for the interview!

By Lee Coleman

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Also at Chinese Laundry in June 1st June 2012 Crissy Cris (UK) 2nd June 2012 Ministry of sound electro House sessions tour featuring The Only, Rob Pix & Luke Million 8th June 2012 Meat Katie (UK) 9th June 2012 Chris Liebing (Ger) 15th June 2012 Doctor werewolf + The Abyss 16th June 2012 Guy J (Isr) 22nd June 2012 Boss Bass ft J-Trick 23rd June 2012 Surkin (Fra) 29th Tantrum Desire (UK) 30th Edu Imbernon (Spain) + The Aston Shuffle DJs For more information log on to www.bbmlive.com

If you resided in a fantasyland where money was no object, where and how would you stage the greatest rave the world has ever seen?

I think it would not really matter where this rave took place, but it would have to have the best and biggest sound system ever, with the most amazing bass and bass definition in the low frequencies you could possibly get. I think this would be the ultimate party, to have a sound system that goes as low as 5 hertz - you would be able to play on that, and there would be no limit in the quality of sound. That´s basically the thing I am looking for.

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INTERVIEWS: You announced that your eighth album ‘Urban Turban’ in May, how has the process of creating the album been for the band?

It has been quite short. The band haven’t been involved with every song. I sort of work with other people too and it wasn’t actually going to be another album. We thought we would put them out as singles to show how separate they are. They are one-off tracks, which actually have come together and collected to make the eighth album, which is great.

What sound can we expect from Cornershop on the new album? You guys have such a distinct sound, where do you derive this influence?

I don’t know what our sound really is as people always say that you can hear our sound in our music. But we just make what we feel is right at the time. We are very pleased with our new piece of work. Critically it is being appreciated well too. People have taken to it a lot easier, I believe, firstly, due to the title. It’s simple and quite frankly, throwaway. It’s direct. The other titles were probably a little too much. The amount of descriptions, which we have had for the album, has been quite ridiculous. In terms of the descriptions which people have put it down to. The Timeout London review for instance was a great review but nothing as varied as our other albums have been received ‘their latest is an imaginative and irrestistable, eggs-over-easy splicing of Bootsy, Bolan, Miss Kittin, Kraftwerk, Shuggie, Stardust, the Velvets and others over old-school, hip hop beats, threaded through with strands of Punjabi folk”. (Laughing) it may be a little too varied for people to really sink their teeth into straight away as you can see from the reviews.

Cornershop This month we talk to Cornershop frontman Tjinder Singh. According to these guys, “Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow”, and don’t we just. There is so much more to Corner shop that meets the eye, or blesses the ears. The year is 2050 and Cornershop are at their height of success, with a record collection bigger than Elvis, there is no stopping Tjinder doing what he knows best. Back to May 2012, their Eighth album is being born and is ready to prove that Cornershop are in for the long haul. So fasten your seatbelts, kick back and listen to the truly inspirational sounds of what can only be described as a collection of cultured corkers.

Hello there and good morning! How are we today?

Yeah I’m good thanks, a little drained! You? I’m really well thanks. So how have things been going for you this year?

Busy I gather?

Yeah things have been pretty busy. Doing lots on the label. It’s all very enjoyable learning how to do things and to know what is required. We are a lot more organized nowadays.

BBM recently headed down to Belleruche’s studio in East London to hang out and chat about their upcoming European tour taking place in May and June and find out what the ridiculously underrated band have been doing since the recent release of their new album ‘Rollerchain’.

Musically they could be compared with the Dum Dum Girls, but with Kathrin’s sultry Moloko style vocals, Belleruche certainly harbour a distinct sound.

Here’s what Kathrin de Bouer, Tim (A.K.A DJ Modest) and Ricky Fabulous had to say.

What have you been working on today?

T: Just rehearsal, we’ve got the tour starting on the 4th of May, so just been working out how to play all the new stuff for the last couple of months. We’re finishing rehearsals next week and then we’re off the week after. We’ve got about thirty dates to do, so we’re trying to get the practise in now. Rather than our previous method of just thinking, ‘Oh it will be fine!’

So you’re off going around Germany?

T: Yeah we’re going to Switzerland, Germany, France and back to the UK then a couple of dates in Holland and Belgium and the end as well. We’re quite pleased, it’s quite a lot of dates in a short period, which is nice.

When did you guys all get together, and start and meet and how did you meet?

T: Ricky and I have known each other for years, we went to college and uni together, and then we ended up living in London after university. We started sort of making, what you could maybe describe as music in a pub in Angel, every Sunday night. It was this sort of weird scratching bass guitar, guitar sampler thing going on, and no one ever listened or came, but we did it because it was something to do and they gave us chips and beer.

K: There was a couple of people that came!

T: Yeah and Kathrin was one of them! Then we sort of just started having more of a regular jam session with the three of us working out, and then someone offered us a real gig, so we thought we’d better write some songs rather than just turning up and making noises for about 2 and a half hours and then getting a free pint at the end.

You have had many band members come in and out of the Cornershop family. When do you think the band worked at its best?

Oh I know that 2050 is going to be us at our pinnacle. Only this year that people like Mojo have looked back at 1997 and looked at the music that was overrated. Albums like ‘Urban Hymns’ and such. It has taken over 14 years for music to be looked at again and so we are hoping that in 14 years our music will be looked at and appreciated more so. We are record collectors you know, our albums are complete, and they tell a story. Kids should not be fooled, and I believe that they are so by certain labels, whether or not they are commercial or independent. We do not fool our listeners; we try to share experiences without manufacturing them. Its going to take people years for them to understand what we do and get fully into it. We are here for the long haul. It’ll take time but we will get there.

Your music has featured legends like Noel Gallagher and your mega famous track ‘Brimful of Asha’ was remixed by FatBoy Slim, who else would you love to work with or like to work alongside your music?

We don’t want to work with those kinds of names like Noel anymore. What we want to do is work with lesser-known people. We don’t want to work with the big names. We have been there and done that. We want to move away from that and show us for what we are and play what we want to play. We have collaborated with so many people on the new album but none of them are extremely big names. We work out whom we want to work with, if and when it feels right.

Tim, what have you been listening to?

T: Recently, lots of old, very old folk blues stuff from America and English classical music *laughs*Stuff like Elgar! Other stuff that’s a bit more electronic, stuff from Alpha Pup Records from America which is really odd, electronica, and turntable based music which is quite strange and quite divisive.

What have you guys got planned after the tour around Europe?

All: Holiday!

T: Yeah after the end of May, sort of mid-June, we’ve got thirty days to do stuff. Then we’ve got a couple of festival shows in France and in the UK and it’s kind of time to see how the album does. It goes out and no matter what press feedback you get before it goes out, you never really know what’s going to happen. So we see what happens and then we’ll probably do a tour again around October time and take it as it comes really, see what happens.

Have you done Australia at all?

T: Yeah we have a couple of times. In 2011, at the beginning of last year we did Australia and New Zealand.

Have you got any plans to go back out there in the next year or so?

R: We’d like to, but again it depends on how the album does out there. We were very lucky the first time as Fat Freddy’s Drop asked us to come and support them, so we were kind of like, “Cool, we’ll go and do that.” Yeah just to see what the pick up’s like and if there are the offers and everything like that then great. It’s the same thing, to get over there is expensive stuff.

K: There’s lots of factors that need to work together, with schedules and time wise, and money, it all needs to work.

We have been working with ‘The Lovely Eggs’ it’s very humorous, using pencil moustaches, and they write great songs and have a brilliant attitude.

We never have the finances to go straight to the big names if we like their sound. We find people on our level and work well with that.

What has been your favourite moment throughout Cornershop’s musical life? Your tours with the likes of Oasis and Beck? Festivals?

I have done a lot, travelled the world and have been very fortunate - and a lot of it has been on my own terms. My finest moment was my auntie listening to one of our older tracks and she really liked it and told my mum. This obviously made my mum very happy and that’s probably the best I ever felt. I have never been encouraged to make music and so I take everyday as it comes.

We are very proud, we are running a label, getting other bands out there. It’s very arts and crafts with the label. If you cant do it you ask others who can, to help you. We have only kept our closest mates round us and we know how long our goal is. We want to keep on going and making music and loving it.

It’s all good and well selling a lot but at the end of it you might just be eating burgers. Well not that the burger thing is entirely a bad thing but it’s what you are at the end of it that counts (laughing).

(Laughing) Well just quickly mate, I’m sure you’re sick of answering questions about the epic “Brimful of Asha”, but has it been a blessing to have such a huge classic hit, or has it been a hindrance in some respect as you feel you need to live up to that?

Songs like that do not grow on trees. It’s got stronger as time goes on. It’s an evergreen. We are very proud of the politics of the song and the fact that it is upbeat and people love it. And the fact that its about vinyl which shows what we believe in as a group. When people start saying there is sitar on the record you know that the stereotype of the band has hit. We can only control what people think of us to some extent, ultimately it hasn’t done the band justice and so that’s why we carry on. We have nothing against it, we love the track, but you get other bands that have the one big hit but have the opportunity to carry on and so we wish to do that too.

Well i’m very glad you do. So what is Cornershop’s message at the end of it all? It obviously speaks politics…

Well yeah, it’s to show that politics aren’t a bad thing. They’re a great everyday thing. It’s about proactive thinking about what you do as a person on your own and when others are around you. Which people often forget so we want to show that with our music.

Thanks Tjinder, keep the music alive. Cornershop’s music looks to be in the air this summer…

Yes we have some great dates over Europe this summer and there’s a lot more recording to come. Cheers Frankie.

By Frankie Salt

Where does the name of the band come from?

T: We’re named after a dead New Zealand dog *laughs* R: Just keeping that connection going...

T: Let me explain. Ages ago before we even met Kathrin I needed a name for this thing we were doing.

R: Really quick as well.

T: Yeah, and one of us I forget which, worked in a place where you could spend all your day on the internet and not do any work, and I think it was you, came across a dog, there’s a tribute website to a dead dog from New Zealand, one of those giant mountain dogs?

R: A St Bernard.

T: Yeah enormous. It was so renowned, it was like a champion of champions and it had its own tribute site. It was called something Belleruche The Third, and we just thought that’s quite a nice word. Being idiots, we chose that. We didn’t know what it meant, and thankfully once we found out what it meant it wasn’t too bad. It sort of stuck.

What does it mean?

T: It means beautiful beehive. Which could be worse. I assumed it meant something nice, with “belle” obviously, we just didn’t know that “ruche” meant beehive at the time. It sort of stuck and you don’t realise that five years later when you go to France, everyone goes, “Why are you named after the beehive?” So yeah that’s basically how it happened.

By Hannah Shakir

You’re on your fourth album?

T: This is our fourth, Rollerchain.

What direction did you want to take with this new album? What were your inspirations behind it?

T: I think we’ve all got quite differing tastes in what we listen to, so one of the healthy things we do as a band is play each other music quite a lot. I think over the last year we’ve been listening to things that have a lot more bass in them. It wasn’t a definite decision to make an album, which sounds subbier and has more lower end in it, but it seemed to evolve that way. I think that’s the only direct thing you can point out, I think the rest of it is just the product of the ideas we had in this room really.

R: There were definitely certain things like sample drum breaks and stuff like that where I just thought, “You know what, I’m just bored of that.” I was starting to hear music using clippy drums and filters on drums, and I was like, I want to start messing around with that. It was kind of cool that we all seemed to be on the same page, and that when we started messing around everyone was like, “That actually sounds pretty cool.”

Who have you been listening to recently?

K: Greaves, Jack White’s new album, ‘Blunderbuss.’

Belleruche

What was it like touring with Fat Freddy’s Drop?

K: Good, a lot of fun. I think it was the largest audiences we had played to at that point, so it was quite a cool experience. They are an amazing band, just really chilled out.

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FUNNY NEWS We suggest that the gallery puts up those stolen camera-phone shots of Scarlett Johansson with her arse out instead. BBM has ‘defaced’ that image with our ‘spray’ many times.

Taking Care Of Business

Bigger Fish To Fry

To that end, a 22-man crack team of undercover cops have been given the dirty job of flushing out criminals who have committed one of the filthiest crimes there is.

Praise to the Lord for the miracle of climate change. Thanks to the King of Kings, more and more sharks are heading north away from Australia’s beaches. Unfortunately for Britain, they’re going to the sunny shores of Cornwall instead.

Residents in Looe, a small coastal town in the only English county shaped like an old man’s drooping penis, were left stunned after a 10-foot shark swam within meters of onlookers last month.

It spent an hour swimming in front of the harbour before eventually finding its way back to the open sea. “It’s really unusual to see them there in the harbour. He went right in close to the people, I’d say he was around 8ft away,” said Looe lifeboat operations manager Dave Haines. “I saw one there 20 years ago, and we think that was the last sighting, so I couldn’t believe it when I saw this one.”

Mental Coaching

Dumped On By The Police

But the experience was particularly bad for 22-year-old Tim McLean while on board a Greyhound Lines bus in western Canada.

McLean had just nodded off while listening to his iPod when fellow passenger Vince Li suddenly stood up and repeatedly stabbed McLean. As horrified passengers fled, Li then carved up the body before eating parts of it and displaying his victim’s head to those outside.

Well a bloke in Canada had the reverse experience recently when his anguished cries of pain as he tried to push one out were mistaken by a neighbour for a life and death struggle.

Anyone who’s lived in Australia for an extended period of time will have experienced the horrors of a long coach journey.

Suddenly having a bit of cramp on the way to Brisbane doesn’t seem so bad.

What was McLean’s crime? Apparently looking a bit like an alien.

“The voice told me that I was the third story of the Bible, that I was like the second coming of Jesus [and that] I was to save people from a space alien attack,” Li said. Well when you put it like that, it all sounds quite reasonable.

Balls To The Wall

Imagine how you’d feel if David Cameron’s cock and balls were constantly on display. Not a pleasant image is it. Which is presumably why South African protestors have vandalised a portrait of President Jacob Zuma posing as Vladimir Lenin with his genitals exposed in a Johannesburg gallery, prompting the curator to take down the painting.

The vandalism succeeded where a street protest, a court battle and a pornography probe had so far failed in making the Goodman Gallery remove the painting from an art exhibition about corruption. A red X was painted over Zuma’s face and cock before black paint was smeared across the image. Two men were arrested for defacing the portrait, and a third man was arrested for spray-painting the gallery’s wall.

Remember that scene from the first Austin Powers movie when someone tries to kill him on the toilet and the bloke in the next cubicle just thinks he’s having a really big shit?

The resident in the British Columbian capital, Victoria, feared her neighbour was in trouble after hearing a lengthy period of loud yelling and shouting coming from the man’s basement suite early in wee small hours of the morning.

It’s long overdue, but police in London have finally decided to clean up the capital’s crime-ridden streets once and for all.

They’re called The Dog Squad and their mission is to enforce pooper scoop laws. The anti-poo wardens have been introduced by Islington Council in North London in an attempt to catch repeated dog foul offenders. Their kids must be so proud.

“Residents are sick of dog mess, and we’re taking strong action against irresponsible owners,” said Islington Councillor Paul Smith. “Dog-fouling is anti-social and there’s no excuse. There will be zero tolerance for those who refuse to do the right thing. Our Dog Squad is targeting hot spots, and there will be fines and court action for anyone caught letting their dog foul our community.”

Hilariously, poo crimes and updates on patrols will be also be reported by the team on Twitter with the hash tag #thedogsquad.

“Never in the history of street cleaning has so much been paid by so many for poo,” said opposition Liberal Democrat councillor Greg Foxsmith. “In a few weeks’ time, when the money has been squandered and the contract is over, the streets of Islington will once again be paved with dog mess.”

Well Foxsmith might be a cynic but here at BBM we think it’s an excellent idea and can’t wait for the American networks to pick it up. We can see it now: CSI: Islington – using futuristic technology to work which turds came from which breeds. The first episode could start with Laurence Fishburne stepping in an old white crumbly stool that’s been there for years.

So minutes after “dropping the kids off at the pool”, the noisy neighbour was disturbed by police banging on his door asking if everything was alright. It took him a few minutes before finally realising the turd-based mix-up.

Writing on the Victoria Police Department’s official blog, Stories Beyond The Beat, deputy chief John Ducker explained: “When questioned about the amount of noise he was making, the man explained that he had been essentially (in his own different words) on the toilet having his morning constitutional but he was done now.

“The officers asked him to try to keep the noise down in such future endeavours and he said he would do his best.”

To be fair, we know what he’s been through – we’ve all experienced the horrors of Tesco’s No Frills toilet paper. It’s like wiping your arse with a cat’s tongue.

Baking Hot News Story

As anyone who’s followed the declining quality of BBM over the years will tell you, the print media industry has been going down the tubes for some time now.

Magazines and newspapers will try just about anything to boost circulation figures, just ask Rubert Maxwell and Rebecca Brookes. BBM has even started paying people to read it, and you can regularly find us down at Kings Cross talking to the girls outside Bada Bings until one of them agrees to come back to our house to read the magazine for a small fee of $150 an hour.

But if there’s one newspaper the rest all turn to for innovative and revolutionary ideas, it’s the Grimsby Telegraph. And the Lincolnshire-based rag has come up with a brilliant new way to entice readers – they’ve made the paper smell of fresh bread. No really.

“It was just a bit of fun, and we wanted to give the idea a try to see how it worked,” said soon-to-be-out-ofa-job deputy editor Michelle Hurst (who is actually a man despite being called Michelle).

“It could be the biggest technological breakthrough for newspapers since colour was introduced.”

Well we can definitely smell something Michelle. Bullshit.

The scent’s contained in small capsules which are added to the yellow ink and as the pages move through the press, the plates crush the capsules and the scent is released,” said printing press manager Carl Lawrence, who oversaw the production of the scratch and sniff edition.

As the ink dries it locks in the scent, which is why you have to scratch it to release the smell.”

Expect The Sun to produce an edition in the shape of a big pair of tits some time in the next couple of years.

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SPORT: EURO 2012 So the 2012 European Championship is upon us, and we can all look forward to the beautiful game at its best: player histrionics, crap refereeing decisions, and commentators jizzing their pants every time the Spanish team do anything with the ball.

When you factor in as well that the tournament means very little and is really just a massive shop window for average players to secure a move to a bigger club it’s pretty easy to come to the conclusion that, yep, modern football is pretty shit. That’s why we at BBM have taken it upon ourselves to spice up the tournament by taking your focus off the football and created a few nice distractions to keep you entertained while Nani, Ronaldo et al mince around the field before dropping to the ground at the slightest hint of a breeze.

Watching the games in Australia, you’ll probably miss the treat of David Pleat’s commentary as he manages to mangle every foreign player’s name despite his co-commentator pronouncing it perfectly; however, you can bet that whoever you’re listening to will spew out the same nonsense sound bites that Pleat, and every other commentator in the history of time, are famous for.

We don’t want to be cruel, we know it must be a hard job, but c’mon guys be a bit more imaginative. We’ve provided some Commentator Bullshit Bingo! cards for you and your mates; so dole them out and check off the cliché when you hear it. The first to get a full house wins fuck all from us, but we recommend they get the drinks bought for them by the losers during the final.

Another little game for you is our list of rules which MUST be obeyed throughout the games. For example, as Roy Hodgson looks like an owl, you have to hoot like an owl whenever he appears on screen; Franck Ribery looks like a bond villain, so mime stroking a cat and say “Good evening Mr Bond”; and when John Terry appears say…. er, maybe we should leave that one.

Lastly is our list of special ‘Player Cocktails’ – for the sophisticated piss-head.

We’ve provided lists of rules, regulations, and cocktails here; and remember to enjoy yourselves, because it doesn’t matter who win or loses, it’s the taking part that counts…

By Peter Simpson

Commentator Bullshit Bingo!

End to End Stuff Game of two Halves Good feet for a big man There are no easy games in international football On paper…

At the end of the day The Germans always get to the final Three lions Any use of ‘literally’ when they mean ‘figuratively’ He’ll fancy his chances at this range Any mention of John Terry being inspirational; e.g. ‘brave JT’ A match of this magnitude This game needs a goal Bad time to concede a goal A real wake up call Bringing on fresh legs Given the manager a selection headache It’s a dream start for…

Looking for a consolation goal They’re like the Keystone Cops out there He’s always got that in his locker Six of one half a dozen of the other He needs to take a gamble there He should be hitting the target from there They’ve set out their stall Sticking to the game plan He’ll be disappointed with himself there Giving 110%

Player Cocktails The ‘Andy Carrol’

(Long Island Ice Tea – gin, tequila, rum, vodka, triple sec, coke) Tall, strong, and over-priced.

The ‘Pepe’

(Jack O’ Lantern – whiskey, absinthe, orange bitters, sugar) Will aggressively go right through you.

The ‘Xavi’ (Martini – gin, vermouth) Short and sophisticated.

The ‘Dirk Kuyt’

(Headless Barman – sour raspberry pucker, vodka, lemon, red bull, mountain dew, pineapple juice) Sugar and caffeine will give you the same amount of boundless energy associated with the facially challenged Dutchman.

The ‘Ronaldo’

(Appletini – vodka, apple juice, cointreau) Goes down easily.

The ‘Bastian Schweinsteiger’ (Angry German – amaretto, blackberry schnapps, jagermeister, lime) A very German drink for a very German name.

The ‘Samir Nasri’

(Screwdriver – vodka, orange) You think it might be dangerous but it offers very little.

The ‘Damien Duff’

(Guinness Shandy – Guinness, lemonade) Irish but a bit lightweight.

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SPORT But it’s got nothing to do with the football, we’ve just heard that there’s going to be a shit load of hot topless girls at each game jiggling their tits about as part of a feminist protest.

The topless activists of the Femen women’s rights group have made it clear that their presence – and their tits – will be felt at the tournament.

Anna Hutsol, the group’s main spokeswoman, is warning of a blitz of stunts to dramatise Femen’s view that Euro 2012 will only fuel prostitution and the Ukraine’s sex industry. How hot girls getting their tits out helps the fight against demeaning women is a bit of a baffler to us but we’re certainly not complaining.

“We are going to do everything we can to interrupt and disrupt, to break up these (Euro) events,” Anna said. “I can’t give you concrete details. But we’ll be staging all sorts of strikes - at stadiums and alongside, at press conferences and at cup ceremonies, everywhere … Of course, we’ll be going to Poland, too,”

Banned On The Run They say a year is a long time in politics, but it’s also a long time in football.

Just ask Joey ‘third Kray twin’ Barton. This time last year, he was telling anyone with a Twitter account that Newcastle would go down without him and Andy Carroll in the side. His agent claimed some huge clubs had been inquiring about his availability, and that Arsenal would have won the league if they’d had Barton in the side. How did that work out again?

And a year is also how long Barton has been banned for, or at least how long it will feel for him, following his involvement in trying to spark an impromptu WWF Royal Rumble at Eastlands last month.

The 29-year-old thug has been banned for 12 matches following his attack on anyone wearing light blue during QPR’s defeat to Manchester City, a suspension that even long-time Barton hater Robbie Savage felt was harsh.

“I disagree with the FA and the committee talking about the magnitude of the game … you could say nine or ten games would be fair,” said Savage, showing some solidarity with a fellow twat. “He’s let himself and his manager down. Knowing Mark Hughes as I do and how he handles disciplinary problems, I’d be surprised if Joey plays for QPR again.”

Femen has already fired its first shots. Last month, 23-year-old hotty Yulia Kovpachyk loped up the ramp of an open-air exhibition where the Euro 2012 trophy was on public display, ostensibly to be photographed alongside it like hundreds of other sightseers.

She then pulled down her shirt to reveal the words “Fuck Euro 2012” Femen’s slogan - etched in black paint across her torso.

She was seized by security guards, but not before she had grabbed hold of the cup.

“Yulia got the usual fine of 119 hryvnias (nearly $15) for the administrative offence of hooliganism,” said Anna. “But, of course, we don’t pay these fines.”

Great stuff Anna, but a word of warning to BBM readers thinking of having a cheeky wank as they watch the coverage – there’s a chance they cut to Craig Foster just as your about to shoot your load. That’s the sort of thing that scars a man.

Apparently the FA were particularly pissed off that he chose that game to go batshit crazy because there was the small matter of the title being decided as a sub-plot.

“There are rules of conduct that should be adhered to, and such behaviour tarnishes the image of football in this country, particularly as this match was the pinnacle of the domestic season and watched by millions across the globe,” said the chairman of the regulatory commission.

Never mind Joey, we’re sure that call from Arsenal is just around the corner.

New Balls Please Cliff Richard singing in the rain, a valiant Brit almost making it to the final, Sue Barker’s haggard face as she describes Ana Ivanovic losing in the early rounds... yes Wimbledon is traditionally one long disappointment after another for us Brits. Yet we still get our hopes up every year thinking this time it might be different. At least Maria Sharapova’s frilly skirts and grunts offer some form of compensation.

Well this year’s tournament looks set to be even more of a let down than usual for the Brit brigade with perennial also-ran Andy Murray struggling with back knack.

So who else can us Brits cheer on? Well there’s British No.2 James Ward, who actually reached the semi-finals of the Aegon Championships at Queen’s Club last year. Unfortunately, the Queens tournament isn’t exactly a great gauge of Wimbledon form and Ward was bundled out in the first round of the big one last year. Being Britain’s second best men’s player doesn’t exactly put him up there with the world’s best either. He’s actually ranked 272nd. Still, he’s better than former Wimbledon champion and all-round knob jockey Lleyton Hewitt, who won at Queen’s in 2000, 2001, 2002 - the same year he won Wimbledon - and 2006.

Both Hewitt and Ward have been given wildcards for this year’s Queens tournament because they’re both shit and couldn’t get through on ranking points alone.

“It’s been one of my favourite tournaments throughout my career and to be alongside John McEnroe, Boris Becker and Andy Roddick in having won the title four times is a thrill,” said Hewitt.

“It’s going to be great to come back after my injury and go straight out onto the best grass courts in the world and then hopefully have Wimbledon to look forward to after that. I can’t wait.”

Coaching For Beginners

Expect Hewitt’s body to fall apart like a rusty tin man some time between now and the start of the competition.

After a drawn-out saga that made the FA’s appointment of Roy Hodgson seem like a knee-jerk reaction, Sydney FC have finally got their man.

Actually, technically speaking, the new Western Sydney franchise have got Sydney FC’s man. And the Central Coast Mariners have got Sydney FC’s man before that. In fact, it might be better to simply say that Sydney FC have finally got “A” man, following their appointment of third-choice candidate Ian Crook to the head coach’s role.

Caught With Their Pants Down England’s team of also-rans have been told to leave their pants at home for Euro 2012.

Apparently the underpaid squad of stars are being provided with ‘team underwear’ for the tournament, presumably to remind John Terry, Ashley Cole and Jermaine Defoe that when they’re shagging Ukrainian call girls they’re also shagging for England.

Three Lions newbie, John Ruddy, let slip the bizarre perk of being part of the England squad, saying: “I’ve been told to take boots, gloves, trainers, a few casual clothes and toiletries. I’m under the impression everything else will be provided for me.”

The Norwich goalkeeper added: “We’ve got suits and they’re providing underwear for us. It’s surreal but that’s what being in the England squad is all about. The way you get looked after is second to none.”

It’s a smooth move from the FA as the mental image of Wayne Rooney sporting three lions on his nether regions is enough to distract even the most clinical of German defenders.

But just as we’d accepted that the “team pants” idea had no sexual overtones, a slight misreading of the fact the players will also be kitted out in “M&S” gear had us briefly visualising Frank Lampard in a gimp outfit.

Thankfully, we can confirm no sadomasochism will be taking place at Euro 2012 – unless of course you get a perverse pleasure watching England being humiliated at major tournaments. We can already imagine the France team packing their collective strap-on as they prepare to shaft England. “It is going to be a massive opportunity for me to come up against world-class players and work with world-class players,” said Ruddy. “I can’t wait to get started. My call-up is the icing on the cake after an exceptional two years at Norwich.”

Well said John. Now bend over and get ready to take it like a man.

The Breast-fest Club BBM Towers can’t wait for Euro 2012 to kick off, we genuinely think it’s a going to be a truly eye-popping spectacle and you can guarantee we’ll be glued to the television.

But while the promotion of the club’s youth team coach to the top job has left a lot of fans scratching their heads (especially those who aren’t familiar with Norwich’s Bayern-conquering team of the early 90s), the appointment of the man they really wanted (after Graham Arnold) at Western Sydney, has been met with genuine interest. It seems Tony Popovic has ditched a decent job as Crystal Palace first team coach to take charge of a club with no history and no players. ‘’It’s a great challenge but one I know I can handle and I look forward to exciting times ahead,’’ he blathered at a press conference. ‘’It’s an area with a rich football history, there’s a lot of participants - young and old - that have been crying out for a team out in the west. I’m sure they’ll support it and I’m sure we can produce the type of football they’ll be proud to follow.’’

Popovic wouldn’t be drawn on his preferred football philosophy or style, but said he could assemble a competitive team despite not having a single player on his books and having less than five months before kick-off. ‘’That’s obviously something that we have to look into closely as we are short of time,’’ he said. ‘’But we’re confident we can get a good team, a competitive team from the outset, one that will be well prepared.’’

In other words, although his side will be largely made up of A-League rejects, he expects them to beat the clubs they weren’t good enough for. Good luck with that Tony.

Falling At The First Hurdle THE Olympics are just around the corner and after spending approximately $654,905,034,034,266,090 of the British public’s money on organising it, you’d expect the build-up to be running like clockwork. In true British manufacturing style, though, it’s already starting to look like a cut-and-shut job.

To start with, the Olympic flame went out. It was halfway across Devon when it was briefly extinguished while being carried by wheelchair-bound David Follett in Torrington. A statement from organisers LOCOG said: “The flame went out due to a malfunctioning burner. It is not uncommon for a flame to go out and this can happen for a number of reasons, for example, in extreme winds.”

But even more hilariously, the big British warm up event for the Olympics, the Manchester GreatCity Games, managed to piss off Jessica Ennis by screwing up the women’s 100m hurdles.

An elated Ennis thought she had just scored a personal best in the event – only to have the time taken away from her when it was discovered organisers had only laid down nine hurdles instead of 10.

“We’re embarrassed and disappointed,” said David Hart of organisers Nova.

“We’re pleased Jessica has accepted our apology. We take full responsibility and it won’t happen again.”

The rest of the GreatCity Games went smoothly enough – especially for drug-cheat twat Dwain Chambers who has been cleared to race at the Olympics after Britain’s attempt to ban him for life was overturned by drugloving Brussels eurocrats. Chambers finished second in the 150m, his first race since learning of the decision.

“They are all challenges and I need to keep my head focused on the races I’ve got coming up,” said Chambers while off his tits on smack.

By Richard Gadsby

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CRYSTAL BALLS Gemini

Your expedition to Skull Island proves a success when you successfully capture a King Kong and bring it back to Sydney to display to the masses. Breaking free of its bonds, the enraged 100ft gorilla grabs Sydney mayoress Clover Moore and scales the Harbour Bridge, taking clumsy swipes at biplanes as it does. When the beast is finally shot dead, its fall crushes Milson's Point, killing the pop singer Seal, who was on the Luna Park rollercoaster at the time. Top effort!

Libra

Your cock drops off.

Aquarius

You take a trip to Tasmania later this month and have the locals in hysterics by spelling the word 'BOOBS' on a pocket calculator. The joke earns you a nomination in the 'best comedian' category for Australia's 2012 showbiz awards, but you narrowly lose out to a man who farts when people pull his finger.

Virgo

Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for the month...

Sagittarius

There's a startling revelation on the cards for you next week. Your mum and dad come clean and admit you were adopted. Not only that, you're actually the illegitimate son of Tiger Woods and that blonde porn star he used to bang (the one who starred as Emmanuelle in the soft porn series of the same name before moving on to the more hardcore stuff when she got older and less attractive). The news is only just sinking in when - horror of horrors - you realise that when you were a teenager you used to stay up late at night to wank over your mum being shafted by hunky aliens from a sex planet on the FX channel. Eeesh, that's pretty fucked up. You might wanna write into my problem page for more advice. Not that I'd give you any you fucked up bastard.

We've all got our sexual fetishes. Some people like to dress in leather, others like bukkake cum baths.

Unfortunately, your fetish of dressing up as a zebra and roaming the African savannahs is becoming increasingly time-consuming and costly. Your failure to seperate reality from fantasy also costs you your job this week when you call into work sick claiming you have foot and mouth disease.

Leo

Sorry Leo, no horoscope reading for you this week. I was too busy watching an advert for Car City. "Keep your eyes open for a bargain... at Car City!"

Cancer

Your sleep-walking is starting to get out of control. Last week you walked into the street completely naked, and the week before that your flat-mate was woken by a noise and found you squatting outside his bedroom door trying to do a poo. Things go up a notch this week when you wake up to find yourself in a floating barrel that's bobbing it's way down a stream towards the edge of Niagara Falls. God knows what you got up to last night but at least you won't have any problems with sleepwalking again. Because you'll be dead.

Scorpio

Crystal is entering the digital age this month, so to read your horoscope simply scan my picture with your iPhone.

Taurus

Did you know that you're really, really good at chess?

So good in fact that you could be a grand master. But instead of training your mind to outwit genius-level opponents and earning the respect of the world's best and brightest minds, you spend your time laughing at cock jokes in BBM and getting pissed with your mates.

A life of mediocrity awaits.

Pisces

We've all got our sexual fetishes. Some people like to dress in latex, others like to cum in their partner's anal cavity before sucking the sperm back into their mouths. Unfortunately, your fetish of dressing up as a lady gorilla and flirting with the primates at Taronga Zoo leads to tragedy this week when you accidentally fall into the enclosure while dancing on the fence and singing "I'm just an ape who can't say no". Unfortunately, while primates can master sign language, it seems they have no concept of the phrase "safety word" - as your brutally mangled rectum will soon prove.

Capricorn

Take a look at what I've got that twat Scorpio doing.

Hilarious!

Aries

Heathcliff! It’s me, Cathy, I’ve come home now! So cowoo-oo-old, let me in through your window!

ASK CRYSTAL Dear Crystal,

Three people check into a hotel. They pay £30 to the manager and go to their room. The manager suddenly remembers that the room rate is £25 and gives £5 to the bellboy to return to the people. On the way to the room, the bellboy reasons that £5 would be difficult to share among three people so he pockets £2 and gives £1 to each person. Now each person paid £10 and got back £1.

So they paid £9 each, totalling £27. The bellboy has £2, totalling £29. Where is the missing £1?

Yours, Brian

Dear Brian,

It’s not that sort of problem page you cock.

Dear Crystal,

I’m from Bournemouth but moved to Sydney about four years ago when the British economy started going down the tubes. Much as I love the lifestyle over here, I really can’t stand Aussies and have done my best to avoid talking to them whenever possible. At the end of last year, however, I started a new job and the whole place is pretty much staffed by locals. I tried to talk to as few of them as possible to begin with but, inevitably, I started getting dragged into their conversations about cricket and boat people. At first, I hated their mildly racist drivel but, as the months went on, they started to grow on me little by little. I even went to after-work drinks with them one night.

Looking back, I should have seen the warning signs then.

Instead I ignored them, and before I knew it I was watching Aussie rules football, wearing a vest top and spreading vegemite on my kangaroo steak. But it wasn’t until I found myself laughing at an episode of Packed to the Rafters that I realised I had hit rock bottom. Please help.

Yours, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

Oh dear. Sounds like a pretty serious case of Aussieitis to me Sheila. Do you even remember your real name?

The only cure is to go cold turkey and boost your pommy blood-cell count. Just lock yourself in a room with the Coronation Street omnibus, several ‘pints’ of warm beer and stick your feet in the fridge. That should remind you what it’s like to be British.

Dear Crystal,

Can you name four days which start with the letter “T”?

Yours, Brian

Dear Brian,

Seriously, piss off.

GET LATE We’ve all been there. Your night out is coming to an end at silly o’clock in the morning, and all you can think about is food. Not salad or grilled sea bass kind of food, we’re talking chickensalted chicken, greasy pizza and cheese-smothered chips.

When you’ve reached that stage, little else matters. That’s why here at BBM we’ve put together a list of our favourite late-night food joints that always satisfy the ridiculous wants and needs when we’re in that piss-sodden, missing a shoe, dribbling shameful state. Those of you on a diet, we suggest you look away now. Salad-dodgers, read on…

SYDNEY Chicken Spot

Contrary to its name, this place does a hell of a lot more than just chicken.

Fries, burgers, pizza, chops, wedges, you name it, they’ve got it. Complete with grease and calories, this food satisfies even the drunkest and hungriest of stomachs. With their neon, fluorescent lighting, Chicken Spot is pretty hard to miss or forget.*

80 Darlinghurst Rd, Kings Cross, NSW 2011 (02) 9358 6494 *dependent on level of drunkenness

New York Slice Pizzeria

With stores in Sydney, Brisbane and The Gold Coast, there is plenty of New York-inspired pizza to go around. They offer a wide selection of toppings on their pizzas, which can be bought by the slice or as a whole, and they are certainly generous in size. They even cater for those weirdos known as ‘vegetarians.’

12 Bayswater Road, Kings Cross, NSW (02) 9360 2881 155 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst, NSW (02) 9360 2828 www.newyorkslice.com.au

Pancakes On The Rocks

Now, pancakes may not be the first food that pops into your head when you think of late night binge eating, but we figured, if you’re still out and about at 4am then why not skip straight to breakfast? Pancakes On The Rocks in Sydney is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Not only do they have a huge array of pancake toppings to choose from – both sweet and savory, but they also serve pizza, ribs and steaks. You can have a full-blown meal any time of day or night if you bloody well want to.

4 Hickson Road, The Rocks, Sydney (02) 9247 6371 www.pancakesontherocks.com.au

Maisy’s Cafe

Breakfast 24 hours a day? That sounds good to us. This place is small, but mighty and always full. How about their Maisy’s 24 famous mega breakfast: eggs, bacon, chipolatas, hash brown, mushroom, Maisy’s beans, tomato and toast for $19? This place may be a little fancier than your typical late night food spot, and perhaps a little pricier too, but the food really is great.

164 Military Road, Neutral Bay, NSW (02) 9908 4030 www.maisys24.com

Golden Tower Restaurant

Can’t decide what you want? Then don’t worry, because this place does pretty much everything. It’s always open, with breakfast, lunch and dinner all happening in a continuous cycle. A well-known joint to all Melbourne students and party-goers, here you can get burgers, hot dogs, fries, dim sum, a fry-up, fish and chips - just to name a few. The milkshakes here are pretty great also, and they are perfect for washing down your greasy food - if you can stomach it after all that drink.

145 Swanston Street, Melbourne VIC 3000, Australia (03) 9650 9237

MELBOURNE

EVERYWHERE

Lord Of The Fries

Pie Face

www.lordofthefries.com.au

www.pieface.com.au

If all you want are some fries, then this is where you should head. Not only do they have a pretty clever name, they pride themselves on the taste and quality of the fries they produce. With stores all over Melbourne, LOTF is open till 2am on Friday and Saturday nights. But be warned, if it’s meat you’re after, you won’t find it here. Only soy burgers and nuggets on the menu – perfect for those weirdos again.

Danny’s Take-Away

If you could murder a burger, then head down to Danny’s. These guys have been flipping since 1955, and as they’re open till 2am, seven days a week, we reckon they’ve seen their fair share of burger-craving night owls. They even cut your burger in two, meaning there is slightly less of a chance of you dropping it all down your party frock. Danny’s hot chips are equally as amazing - they featured in Age’s Top 10 Fries in Melbourne a few years ago.

Look out for this place on the corner of St George’s Road, donned with neon lights and chicken salt a plenty. All for this at seriously great prices too.

Who ate all the pies? We did. Pie Face offer such a range of pies, sausage rolls, baguettes and other snacks, it would be a little silly to list them all here.

So check them out for yourself. Most Pie Face joints are open 24 hours a day, so not only can you scoff one at 3am, you can also have one for your hungover lunch the next day should you want to. Pie Face are located all over Australia, find your nearest one on their website.

Guzman y Gomez

Anyone in need of a taco at 4am? Well luckily for you Guzman y Gomez brought Mexican food to Australia. GYG are located all over so you’re never far from that burrito, or if your night isn’t quite over, a few Tequila shots. Don’t forget a helping of guac, it’s healthy.

www.guzmanygomez.com

By Hannah Kurzawski

360 St George’s Road, Fitzroy, North 3068, VIC (03) 9481 5847

Stalactites

Surely there isn’t a Greek restaurant open long enough to help fight our drunk hunger demons? Oh wait a minute, BBM’s tippled tum has found one!

Melbourne’s Stalactites is another one of those special 24 hours a day, seven days a week kind of places. So if at 3am you fancy some giros souvlaki, moussaka, baklava or galaktoboureko then you are in for a treat. Basically if you want some meat and grease that is a bit different to what you normally indulge in, then we suggest you make your way to Lonsdale Street. This place is a real favourite with locals and has been around for over 30 years.

177-183 Lonsdale Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 (03) 9663 3316 www.stalactites.com.au

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GET LATE

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400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills

precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road.

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TRAVEL - NEW ZEALAND & FIJI

NZ

Things to do SKYDIVING Skydive Lake Wanaka Ltd 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com Nzone ‘The Ultimate Jump’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SkydivingNZ.com New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

RAFTING RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz

JET BOATING Shotover Jet

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

Glacier Guiding Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Going to Fiji?

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

ACCOMMODATION Beachcomber Island Resort Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.com www.beachcomberfiji.com

river boarding Mad Dog RiverBoarding 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

Accommodation Christchurch City Oasis 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Coker’s Backpackers 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS Bay Adventurer Backpackers & Apartments 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

Kaikoura Adelphi Lodge Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Queenstown

auckland

Bungi Backpackers 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Southern Laughter Lodge 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Nomads Queenstown 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

Nomads Auckland 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

Franz Josef Glacier

Nomads Capital 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.

Chateau Franz 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Glow Worm Cottages 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Nomads Fat Camel 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.

The Beachouse Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com Smugglers Cove Beach Resort & Hotel P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport.

Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com

wellington

Robinson Crusoe Island Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com

The Uprising Beach Resort 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com Nadi Bay Resort Hotel Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ Nadi Bay Downtown Backpackers Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

MUST DO Skydiving

Skydive Fiji 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj

‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

Scuba Diving

Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company.

Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.

AUSTRALIA - THINGS TO DO Skydiving

Scuba Diving Australia

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS

PRODIVE CAIRNS

1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au

SOUTHERN SKYDIVERS

Busselton Regional Airport, Bussleton, WA Free: 1300 449 669 skydive@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au

SKYDIVE BYRON BAY

P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS

1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra, QLD, 4551 Ph: +61 7 5437 0211 Mob: +61 0418 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au/

SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR

P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs

SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS

51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au

SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY

36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com

SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH

51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

116 Spence Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 5255 www.prodivecairns.com

THE SCUBA CENTRE

Surf Schools SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 08 8212 0211 info@surfandsun.com.au www.surfandsun.com.au

Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au

KANGAROO ISLAND ADVENTURE TOURS

NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE

MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING

Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, Western Australia Free: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au

Adventure Tours GOIN SOUTH

Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au

TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM

Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au

A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING

McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com

Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.kiadventuretours.com.au

L4, 362 Kent St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com

BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com

PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au

BALLOON SUNRISE

PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com.au

Kite Surfing KITESURF 1770

The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Ph: 07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au

IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING

KITE REPUBLIC

OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS

3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au

10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com

MOJO SURF

Ph: 1800 113 044 www.mojosurf.com.au

SURF SHACK

Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au

GO SURFING BYRON BAY

Ph: 02 6685 7099 gosurfingbyronbay@gmail.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com

LETS GO SURFING

Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au

SURFING AUSTRALIA

Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com

PARADISE JET BOATING

Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

Bike Riding Tours ESCAPE GOAT

Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

Zorb Balls OZ BALL GOLD COAST Go Zorbing with Oz Ball.

Ph: 07 5547 6300 team@ozball.com.au www.ozball.com.au

Marine Charters

Wine and Beer Tours

ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS

PRIME MINI TOURS

KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS

HIDDEN SECRET TOURS

2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au

9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com

ADVENTURE KAYAKING

7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au

JET SKI SAFARIS

Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au

Melrose Park, South Australia 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 info@primeminitours.com www.primeminitours.com

Ph: 03 9663 3358 tours@hiddensecrettours.com www.hiddensecretstours.com

CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR

Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au

BIG NIGHT OUT IN SURFERS PARADISE Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net

PARTY IN CAIRNS

Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 partyincairns@bigpond.com www.partyincairns.com

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au

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ACCOMMODATION AUSTRALIA New South Wales Sydney World Square Hostel 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 worldsquarehostel.com.au Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au Westend Backpackers 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Free: 1800 013 186 Ph: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!

Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au Oxford Court Accommodation Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Cafesbs@bigpond.net.au Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers.

Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests.

The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off!

(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au Maze Backpackers 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 5115 Free: 1800 813 522 info@mazebackpackers.com www.mazebackpackers.com Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au

Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au

Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year.

Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Sydneys Southern Beaches Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

Katoomba Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

Byron Bay Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

Nambucca Heads Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 info@nambuccabackpackers.com.au www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

Lake Tabourie Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

Queensland Brisbane Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 reservations@tinbilly.com www.tinbilly.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind.

Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au

Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

Goldcoast Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au BOOK 2 NIGHTS GET 2 NIGHTS FREE Valid May till Sep 2012. Min 2 nights.

Conditions apply Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au Surfers Paradise Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

Noosa Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com

Hervey Bay Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker. com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

Cairns CAirns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com Nomads Cairns 341 Lake Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Free: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com www.nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad.

Cairns Central YHA 20-26 McLeod Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 cairnscentral@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au

Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.)

Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com Globetrotters International 154-156 Lake st Cairns City QLD Free: 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au Nomads Cairns Beach House 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 The Northern Greenhouse 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com

Mission Beach Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

Whitsundays Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

Airlie Beach Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au

cape tribulation PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

rainbow beach Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco WhaleWatching for all!

Western Australia scarborough western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

COTTESLOE ocean beach backpackers cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com

Perth Rainbow Lodge 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au

One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA Accommodation Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

monkey mia Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

Victoria Mildura redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

Halls Gap Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

Melbourne Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 Melbourne Central YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 melbcentral@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck.

Melbourne Metro YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (03) 9329 8599 melbmetro@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception.

Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au Nomads Melbourne 196-198 A’Beckett Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne!

Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only).

Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au The Greenhouse Backpackers 228 Flinders Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

St. Kilda Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

Apollo Bay Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

Halls Gap Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

Phillip island

THE ISLAND ACCOMMODATION Phillip Island travel and accommodation packages

Ph: (+61 3) 5956 6123

The Big Wave Complex 10 - 12 Phillip Island Tourist Road Newhaven Phillip Island, Victoria info@theislandaccommodation.com.au www.theislandaccommodation.com.au

EXPERIENCE THE PENGUIN PARADE! Northern Territory Darwin Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

alice springs Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

South Australia Adelaide Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots.

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