BBM March issue 703 by bbmlive.com

CONTENTS

EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, Omar Soliman, Amy Baker, Harry Dillon, Jim Palmer, Carol Friel, Rachel Pottle, Peter Simpson, Merlin Ramos, Eleanor Davies, Robert Bramhill, Robin Lewis, Erica Mahendren, Poppy Jethro, Lance Weeber WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber DESIGN Basil Thomas design@what-media.com Michael Cusack PRINT & WEB ADVERTISING & MARKETING Tom Shakir E: tom.shakir@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 Frankie Salt E: marketing1@bbmlive.com P: +61 8 9433 6162 CLASSIFIEDS & LISTINGS E: info@what-media.com P: +61 2 8005 8162 PRINTED BY SPOTPRESS NOTE TO ADVERTISERS Gaining the approval for the use of trademarks and images in advertisments is the responsibility of the advertiser and not What Media Pty Ltd. Advertising material is accepted in good faith and What Media Pty Ltd bears no responsibility for any claims or errors. Copyright of original material is held by What Media Pty Ltd. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden except with written permission of the publishers.

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HIGHLIGHTS

March Festivals 2013

Melbourne’s Food and Wine Festival

Food and wine lovers in there thousands visit Melbourne to indulge in over two hundred events hosted by Melbourne’s annual Food and Wine Festival. With master-classes with chefs and wine experts, hands on cooking classes, inspiring recipes, delicious nibbles and wine tasting, Melbourne really is the place to be this March. Catering to all ages, this festival is the ultimate culinary experience, and you’ll see cooking in a whole new light! What: Melbourne’s Food and Wine Festival When: 1st – 17th March Where: Melbourne More info: melbournefoodandwine.com.au

Future Music 2013

Calling all rockers and ravers! The annual Future Music Festival is set to blow your socks off with its ‘Day Of The Dead-Set Awesome’ acts such as The Prodigy, The Stone Roses, Dizzee Rascal and Bloc Party. Future Music has music to suit everyone’s needs. Whether you want high-energy dance anthems or head-banging alternative rock tunes, Future Music provides the ultimate festival experience. What: Future Music 2013 When: 2nd – 11th March Where: Brisbane, Perth, Sydney, Melbourne & Adelaide More info: futureentertainment. com.au/futuremusicfestival

Moomba Festival

Melbourne’s iconic Moomba Festival returns to celebrate Labour Day with vibrancy and spirit. There’s the Moomba Parade, a Birdman Rally, fireworks and to top it off, it’s all

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completely free. So there’s no excuse not to join in the festivities on Labour Day! What: Moomba Festival When: 8th – 11th March Where: Melbourne, Victoria More info: thatsmelbourne.com.au

Port Fairy Folk Music Festival

Situated on an old seaside fishing and farming village, this folk music festival looks onto the beautiful Southern Ocean. It’s independently run with twenty venues hosting a variety of music, jams, workshops, dancing, comedy and child activities. Filled with charm and character, there’s something for all the family. What: Port Fairy Folk Music Festival When: 8th – 11th March Where: Port Fairy, Victoria More info: portfairyfolkfestival.com

Maitreya Festival

For those looking for something a little more spiritual, Maitreya Festival offers you the chance to meet like-minded people as you get more connected with your inner self over the weekend. You’ll experience an assortment of live music, dance and digital art, along with interesting workshops ranging from artistic expression and wisdom to healthy living and politics. Maitreya Festival will soothe your soul, make you more open-minded and more appreciative of life. What: Maitreya Festival When: 8th -11th March Where: Central Goldfields, Victoria More info: maitreyafestival.com

Golden Plains Lucky 7 2013

Golden Plains is renowned for hosting

such unique and remarkable events and Lucky 7 is no different. It’s a cove of high quality, with just one stage nestled in an arc of pine trees to ensure you don’t miss anything. With stunning views and a spiritual vibe, Golden Plains is the perfect festival to simply relax. What: Golden Plains Lucky 7 When: 9th – 11th March Where: Meredith Supernatural Amphitheatre, Victoria More info: 2013.goldenplains.com.au

Noosa Festival of Surfing

For all you surf enthusiasts, the Noosa Festival of Surfing has got to be a must! Not only does this six-day event boast a huge surf competition, it plays host to free music and screen entertainment, exhibitions and a summer beach bar. With surfers hailing from all over Australia to compete at Noosa, it’s deemed to be the biggest surf event this month! What: Noosa Festival of Surfing When: 10th – 16th March Where: Noosaville, Queensland More info: noosafestivalofsurfing.com

Brunswick Music Festival

This year marks the 25th anniversary of Brunswick Music Festival. It’s Australia’s only inner city festival that pays tribute to folk roots and world music. To coincide with the anniversary, this year’s program commemorates the history of the festival and the huge fan base it has attracted over the years. With 28 different concerts, there’s bound to be a musical performance that catches your eye. What: Brunswick Music Festival When: 13th – 24th March

Where: Brunswick, Victoria More info: brunswickmusicfestival. com.au

L’oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival

Fashion lovers will love the L’oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival this month. With a diverse collection of clothing from over forty designers, you’ll find out what trends are in this for the coming season. But it’s not all about the runway. The festival offers beauty workshops, photography, presentations, business seminars and talks with fashion experts. So if you love all things fashion related make sure the date is in your diary, as you’re not going to want to be anywhere else! Make sure you check the website so you know what’s happening and when! What: Loreal Melbourne Fashion Festival When: 18th – 24th March Where: Melbourne More info: www.lmff.com.au

West Coast Blues ‘N’ Roots

To mark the tenth anniversary of the annual West Coast Blues ‘N’ Roots Festival, the event will stretch across an entire weekend at Fremantle Park. This two-day extravaganza boasts a variety of huge acts and upcoming talent including Robert Plant, Iggy and The Stooges, Paul Simon, Ben Harper, Status Quo and Julia Stone. A weekend of great music, great atmosphere, awesome bands and the blues, what more could you ask for? What: West Coast Blues ‘N’ Roots Festival When: 23rd – 24th March Where: Fremantle Park, Fremantle, Western Australia More info: westcoastbluesnroots.com.au

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HIGHLIGHTS

A History of St Patrick’s Day Top-of-the-morning-to you! Australia will be fulll of Irish cheer on March 17th 2013. With each major city putting on a parade to celebrate St Patrick and everything Irish, expect live Irish music, green drinks, green water exploding from the fountains across cities and people dressed as leprechauns. With a third of Australians having some Irish ancestry today, there is every reason why this is such a prolific celebration, but do you know why we celebrate St Patrick’s Day? Thought not. Well here’s a little history on the Guinness fuelled event. Behind all the face painting, costumes and drunken revelry that brings everyone together annually on

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St Patrick’s Day is firstly a cultural and religious holiday commemorating Ireland’s favourite patron saint. Whilst the whereabouts of old Paddy’s birth place are still debated to this day most records point to Roman Britain and his arrival in Ireland only came about after being kidnapped as a 16-year-old by Irish raiders. After fleeing Ireland and studying for priesthood in Britain he returned as a bishop in 432 AD to Christianise Irish people. After 30 years of evangelism in Ireland he died on 17th March 461 AD and was buried at Downpatrick just south of Belfast. Much of what is known about St Patrick comes from his two works ‘The Confessio’ and ‘Epistola’. ‘The Confessio’ is his autobiographical confession and was written by St Patrick in Latin. It goes into great detail of his early life in the British Isles, being kidnapped as a slave and eventually returning to Ireland via France after a prophetic dream. His ‘Epistola’ condemns the treatment of Irish Christians in Britain. Describing himself as “A most humble-minded man, pouring fourth a continuous paean of thanks to his maker for having chosen him as the instrument whereby multitudes who had worshipped idols and unclean things had become the people of God”. St Patrick also gained a reputation for driving the snakes from Ireland. Ireland was never home to actual snakes apart from the odd grass snake, but the meaning comes from Pagans commonly worshipping serpent symbols. The driving of the snakes is used figuratively as St Patrick put an end to large-scale Pagan practices. The story goes after

encountering the Druids at Tara he converted their leaders to Christianity in ‘The Holy Wells’. Despite blue being the initial colour associated with St Patrick, people started to wear green and adorn the shamrock in the 17th century. The shamrock’s importance stems from St Patrick’s use of the threeleaved plant to explain to Pagan’s the Holy Trinity. In modern day Ireland, St Patrick’s Day is seen as an ideal way to showcase the country and its culture to the masses. In the mid 1990s the government of the Republic of Ireland launched a campaign to make the celebration of St Patrick into a prolonged festival, originally lasting three days it is now a fiveday event. With St Patrick’s Day events held in all major cities and towns across the country and the day itself being seen internationally as a good reason to drink alcohol, Christian leaders have expressed concern the day’s religious origins may be lost. Priest Vincent Twomey is quoted as saying “It’s time to reclaim St Patrick’s Day as a church festival” while also pouring scorn on the “mindless alcohol-fuelled revelry”. However, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank old Paddy pants and his Irish chums for being the pioneers in creating an excellent fun-filled day that will no doubt be celebrated for centuries to come. So make sure you read on to see what St Patrick’s Day celebrations will be going off across Australia. By Harry Dillon

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HIGHLIGHTS

Best Of Irish

Seeing as it’s St Patrick’s Day soon, we thought we’d follow up our Best of British feature from last month with a Best of Irish. So in the Irish spirit we’ve collated the best Irish stuff in Australia for you to get your Lucky Charm loving mits on. Best Irish Treats

If you are missing home or just fancy the taste of Irish in your life whilst in Australia, check out www.tasteireland.com.au who supplies Australia with everything Irish. From confectionary to tea, hampers to sports merchandise, this website has it all and makes home seem not too far away as they deliver straight to your door.

Meat & Two Veg

What’s finer than some fresh Irish products on your doorstep whilst you’re overseas. Paddy’s Meats has been commended for their sausages and they even stock freezable barbeque packs for those last minute barbeque plans. Their website www.paddysmeats.com.au proves just how easy it is to get your hands on the real thing.

Best Irish bakery

Paddy The Baker brings the finest Irish bread and produce direct to Sydney. Six months ago, Paddy the Baker opened in Miranda, Sydney, and the love soon spread. Starting with traditional brown bread, their huge range at Paddy’s has expanded to include a Healthy Spelty Soda, Paddy’s Posh & Seedy, Spotted Dick, Potato breads, Soda Farls and much more. If you are in serious need of a hangover cure, grab an Irish coffee to wash down their Big Irish Breakfast Roll with bacon, egg, Irish Sausages, black & white pudding, tomato and potato bread all served in a specially baked Waterford Blaa. www.paddythebaker.com.au.

Irish Gnosh & Entertainment

If you are in Western Australia, Mrs O’Brien is about to become your surrogate mother. Stocking everything Irish, specialising in Irish style chip shop foods and a deli, Perth is now home to this great sandwich, juice and deli bar. Check out www.facebook.com/MrsOBriensFoodFair and discover what all the fuss is about since they opened, and feel as if you were back in Ireland with all your favourite goodies to wash the homesickness away. The Porterhouse is conveniently situated in the heart of Sydney within Surry Hills. This venue is one of the more homely pubs in the city, regardless of your origin. With sport, drinks promotions and great events throughout the week, check out www.porterhouse.com.au for more info on this amazing Irish pub.

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P J O’Brien’s is a household name for not just the Irish living in Australia. With venues handily placed all over the country, you will find this Irish home from home in Sydney, Melbourne, Port Douglas, Cairns and Adelaide. This place is about as Irish as you will find anywhere in Australia. Guinness pie, Irish curry and a full menu of Irish tipple is available around the clock. PJ’s also does a great Irish breakfast to cure that hangover with a Kilkenny on the side, if you’re in need of a hair of the dog moment. www.pjobriens.com.au for more information on this Irish haven. PJ’s Criterion is a real Irish winner; the Baking Association of Australia’s Annual Best Gourmet Hotel Pie Competition first and second places went to this venue and its partner pub for their tasty pies. PJ’s is home to an absolute winner with their famous steak and Guinness pie. You can find out more at www.pjcriterion.com.au. The Paragon is famous within the Irish community and for good reason too. Their best seller is the traditional pint of Guinness and Irish Wedges (wedges topped with shredded crispy bacon & melted cheese, served with sour cream & sweet chilli sauce). This menu ticks all the boxes with Dublin Bay Fish & Chips, Kilkenny, Club Orange and even Tayto Crisps for a snack. You can even sit and reminisce at the huge map of Dublin on their wall, have a look at www.hotelparagon.com.au. The Irish Times is the place to head for the finest Irish stew. Their speciality dishes made a mark at The Irish Festival held at Immigration Museum, Melbourne and this venue is still held on a pedestal as the only pub in Melbourne to have recently installed a state-of-the-art beer system which makes for the perfect pint. Log on to www.theirishtimespub.com.au for more information.

Community

The amount of Irish residing in Australia is on the up and there are Irish community clubs in all major cities. If you are residing in Sydney, head to the seriously fun and non-profit Brekkie Club. This Brekkie Club simply exists so Irish folk, who wouldn’t easily stumble upon other fellow Irish through work or play, get the opportunity to meet up with others in the same boat. This is just an excuse to meet up, chat about both the Aussie life and the Irish culture in the sunshine - check out their website www.irishbrekkieclub.shutterfly.com. By Poppy Jethro

Irish Stew Irish Stew is the most popular dish to be served up on St Patrick’s Day and it only takes 20 minutes to prepare and then 2 hours 40 minutes to cook to make sure it is full of all the flavour of the Emerald Isle. Here’s a simple recipe to follow if you fancy impressing everyone with your traditional culinary skills.

Ingredients: • 2 tbsp. vegetable oil • 1 lb/500g mutton or lamb cutlets (bone removed) cut into 2”/5cm chunks • 2lb/ 1 kg potatoes, peeled and cut into quarters • 1 cup/115g onion, roughly chopped • 1 cup/ 100g leeks, cleaned and finely sliced • 1 cup/170g carrots, roughly chopped • 1½ pints / 750 ml dark beef stock • 2 or 3 cabbage leaves, thinly sliced (optional) • Salt and pepper

Preparation: • Heat the oven to 350F/180C/ Gas 4 • Take a large frying pan, add half of the oil and make sure it is hot but not smoking. Add half of the lamb pieces and brown. Then remove the cooked lamb pieces and place in a casserole dish, cover with a half of the potatoes, onions, leeks and carrots. • Repeat this and add to casserole dish. • Add the beef stock, cover with a tight fitting lid, cook in the oven for 1 hour. • Add the cabbage (if you wish to use it) replace the lid and cook for another hour. • Make sure you do check every now and again, to ensure that the stock has not boiled away and if it has reduced too much add little boiled water to keep it moist. • Ensure that the meat and vegetables are always covered by liquid. • Season with a pinch of salt and pepper.

St Patrick’s Day... Wherever you happen to end up celebrating this festive Irish Day, we’ve found out what’s happening around the country. So if you’re partial to the embracing the traditions of St Patrick’s Day, here’s the cream of the crop to help you celebrate the 17th March in true Irish style.

Sydney Sydney St Patricks Day Parade

The Sydney St Patricks Day Parade and family day will be held on Sunday 17th March, starting at the corner of George & Bathurst, turning right onto Park Street, left onto Elizabeth Street and finishing at Hyde Park. From 10.30am through until 6.30 pm the entertainment will come thick and fast with pre-parade entertainment including a marching band, musicians and dancers. The parade starts at 1.30pm and celebrates Irish culture in its entirety, stretching back generations and bringing you bang up to date with the current Irish culture in Sydney. Cnr George & Bathurst Street, Sydney 04 1457 0025 www.stpatricksday.org.au If you fancy some alternative celebrations, Damien Dempsey will be taking to the Sydney Opera House stage on St Patrick’s Day, to unleash his Irish, ska, reggae sounds, and Paul Brady will be performing at The Basement. For more information log on to www.troubador-music.com.

Melbourne

Pugg Mahones

If you’re looking for a spacious establishment to swill your Guinness and are looking for a fun young crowd then head to Pugg Mahones on St Paddy’s Day. 171-175 Elgin Street, Carlton, Melbourne 03 9347 0202 www.pugmahones.com

Cairns P.J. O’ Brien’s

Join the fun down at P.J. O’Brien’s this St Patrick’s Day with a traditional Irish breakfast in the morning to help your stomach soak up what will no doubt follow later in the day. Before you indulge in your tipple of choice chow down with a menu featuring traditional black pudding, pork sausage, hash brown, grilled tomato, bacon, sautéed mushroom, baked beans and scrambled egg. With P.J. O’Brien’s being one of the most well known Irish pubs in Cairns booking ahead is essential. Breakfast comes in at $17.50 per person, 8am-11am. 87 Lake Street, Cairns 07 4031 5333 www.pjobriens.com.au/cairns

The Dan O’Connell Hotel

Get down to the Dan O’Connell Hotel this Paddy’s Day for a full day of entertainment, traditional music, food and drink. Stretching back 130 years The Dan O’Connell Hotel is an Irish institution in Melbourne with St Patricks Day kicking off how it should do; with a massive breakfast served from 10am. While digesting and perhaps washing the black pudding down with a Guinness, get ready as the entertainment kicks off in the garden at 2pm. This year music includes The Colonials Celtic Folk, The Irish Fiddlers and The Australian U2 show performing all the classics from the Irish supergroup. 225 Canning Street, Carlton, Melbourne 03 9347 1502 www.thedan.com.au

The Quiet Man Irish Pub

If you want a thoroughly Irish experience this St Patrick’s Day head down to The Quiet Man Pub. With the party extending into the street, traditional live music, face paining and fun for all the family it’s a nice place to celebrate St Paddy’s Day away from all the busier venues. In the evening it’s advised for kids to be taken home as the craic gets fully underway as more contemporary bands take to the stage. 271 Racecourse Road, Melbourne 03 9376 6232 www.thequietman.com.au

Perth Durty Nelly’s

One thing is for sure this St Patrick’s Day; you will be hard pushed to find a more authentic Irish experience in Perth than Durty Nelly’s Irish pub. Located down Shafto Lane off Murray Street in the city, this quaint little boozer will be full of life come the 17th March. While it isn’t as big as some other Irish watering holes in Perth it has a real traditional atmosphere with plenty of Irish stout, ale and whisky on offer to satisfy the traditionalists. Durty Nelly’s was the biggest seller of Guinness in Australia in 2010, the locals obviously know where to go to enjoy the black stuff. 397 Murray Street, Perth 08 9226 0233 www.durtynellys.com.au

Rosie O’Grady’s

For more Irish shenanigans if you happen to be in Northbridge, head down good old Rosie O’Grady’s. There will no doubt be lots of Irish-themed fun to be had. Cnr James & Milligan Streets, Northbridge, Perth 08 9328 1488 northbridge.rosieogradys.com.au

Brisbane Pig ‘N’ Whistle

The Pig ‘N’ Whistle venues in Brisbane do not do things by halves, and their love for all things Irish ensures that the St Patrick’s Day celebrations will be turned into a three day extravaganza packed full of festivities. With a special Irish themed menu, Irish pipers, traditional Irish dancers and plenty of ‘green’ activities, the Pig ‘N’ Whistle will be making every moment count over the big Irish weekend. 123 Eagle St, Brisbane 07 3832 9099 Albert St, Brisbane 07 3003 1593 Bottom of Queen Street Mall, Brisbane 07 3003 159 www.pignwhistle.com.au

Mick O’Malley’s

At Mick O’Malley’s Irish pub in Brisbane celebrations for St Patrick’s Day start on the 9th March making it St Patrick’s Week with a packed program of live music and the all-important shenanigans. Entertainment includes live music from Ger Fennelly, Strings for Ammo and Barley Shakes with a special Irish Trivia night and Irish movie festival taking place during the week. The big day on Sunday 17th March sees a host of Irish musicians play live with all day breakfast on the 18th providing emergency hangover surgery. 171/209 Queen Street, Brisbane 07 3211 9881 www.mickomalleys.com.au

The World It’s not just Australia that will be celebrating St Patrick’s Day on behalf of the Irish. Landmarks across the world will be turning green for St Patrick’s Day, including Sydney Opera House, Table Mountain in South Africa, Niagara Falls, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Burj al Arab in Dubai, Table Mountain in South Africa, New York’s Empire State Building, Berlin’s TV Tower, New Zealand’s Sky Tower, Vienna’s Burg Theatre and the Prince’s Palace in Monaco. The “Greening” of these world landmarks is estimated to be costing around $44 million according to the Irish tourist board. There’s even talk of Buckingham Palace getting in on the action, which would no doubt be a huge step for English-Irish relations. So make sure if you’re in Sydney you don’t miss out on seeing the Opera House in all its green glowing glory. By Harry Dillon

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SYDNEY

Coffee Culture in Sydney One thing you might have noticed since touching down in Australia is the epic coffee culture. You may have been ruined by the chain coffee houses in the UK, but now it’s time to get up close and personal with some of Sydney’s best coffee. BBMLive hunts down the best places to enjoy a cup of Sydney’s finest coffee… Campos Coffee

Flat White

Gertrude And Alice

Coffee Alchemy

You can take your pick of coffee shops in Newtown but the aroma of the renowned Campos should be enough of an allure. Situated off the main road, King Street, it is a tardis of coffee heaven with more choices of coffee than you’ll know what to do with. And if you still can’t decide, book in for a session in their cupping room upstairs. Taste at least five coffees from around the world, learn how they are brewed and taste the difference between regions and procedures. Plus, get a bag of coffee to take home with you. 193 Missendon Road, Newtown 0295163361 www.camposcoffee.com

A new favourite hangout for BBM Live is Gertrude and Alice. A coffee shop inside a bookstore? Or a bookstore inside a coffee shop? We can’t quite decide, but we love it! Surrounded by over 25,000 books, you can read, buy or just enjoy the naturally laid back ambience while tucking into a cup of Earl Grey tea, complete with antique tea pot, or a delicious cup of Campos coffee. It’s the perfect place to cure a hangover on a Sunday. 46 Hall Street, Bondi Beach 0291305155 www.gertrudeandalice.com.au

Double Roasters

There isn’t much that’s buzzing in Marrickville but Double Roasters certainly is, and it’s not just from the coffee. With a naturally hipster vibe, 1950s warehouse setting and friendly staff you can enjoy not just their unique blend of coffee but organic, freshly cooked sandwiches, cakes and shakes and before you know it a few hours has passed and you are still sitting there! It’s cool, funky and friendly without trying too hard to be anything but a great place to enjoy a good coffee. 199 Victoria Street, Marrickville 0295727711 www.doubleroasters.com

Cow And The Moon

Combining two of our favourite things – coffee and gelato – Cow And The Moon does both incredibly well – with not just their own Baristas, but also a Gelato Lab! Steering away from the traditional strawberry, vanilla and chocolate, get stuck into pomegranate, popcorn or lemon and ginger or if you still can’t decide on which flavour, the helpful staff will help you create your very own concoction for a yummy gelato shake. 181 Enmore Road, Enmore. 0295574255 www.facebook.com/pages/Cow-and-the-MoonGelatoCoffeeDessert-Ba

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The best coffee shops tend to be a bit hidden and that is definitely true of Flat White. Not only is it underneath Richard Martin Art Gallery and around the corner, but it is unseen from only those who know just how much of a hidden gem it is - the locals. It is abuzz with mums, friends and workers all grabbing a cup of Flat White’s famous own brew coffee to start their day. Check out the specials board for daily sandwiches made fresh to order or the all day breakfast menu, followed by a gander at some fabulous works or art upstairs. 98 Holdsworth Street, Woollahra 0293289922. www.facebook.com/flatwhitecafe98

Taking coffee incredibly seriously is Coffee Alchemy – a smart, modern and award winning coffee shop in Marrickville. The kind of place you’d grab a coffee to go rather than sit and relax but there is one thing they don’t compromise on, and that is a great cup of coffee. The knowledgeable Baristas can advise on everything from roasting to blending and everything in between, what they don’t know about coffee, isn’t worth knowing! “Coffee alchemists believe that coffee is the elixir of life” – or so says their Manifesto, and we’d say they are damn right! 24 Addison Road, Marrickville 0295161997 www.coffeealchemy.com

Room 10

If you fancy a side of celebrity spotting with your coffee, then Room 10 in Potts Point is one to check out. With a limited yet inventive menu, it’d be a crime not to try the sicilian tuna salad with a smashed soft boiled egg. And Room 10 has also been recognized for its skills in the past, winning the 2 bean award in the SMH Good Cafe Guide and received a well deserved award for Best Small Cafe. 10 Llankelly Pl, Sydney 0425 810 174 www.facebook.com/Room-10

Bird And Bear Boathouse Cafe

Set on the shores of Elizabeth Bay, Bird and Bear Boathouse cafe will make you feel as if you’re a million miles away. Using Vittoria Organic Single Origin beans the coffee is good, and the food is full of flavour. Do take in to consideration that this place gets very busy on the weekends, so to make the most of it, be sure to visit between Monday-Friday. 1 Ithaca Rd (Beere Park), Elizabeth Bay 0411 031 898 www.birdbearboathouse.com By Eleanor Davies

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SYDNEY

Comedy in Sydney... Sydney’s comedy scene is growing year on year with plenty of venues to visit. Catch everything from unsigned stand-up, open mics, to high-profile established comics and themed comedy you had no idea even existed. Here are some of BBM’s favourite places to enjoy all the comedy Sydney has to offer. The Comedy Store Sydney

Known for showcasing a diverse range of comedic style, reasonably priced tickets and an intimate space to enjoy the performance the comedy store represents the perfect chance to catch a stand up gig in perfect surrounds. Catch the Raw comedy state finals at The Comedy Store this March, Australia’s biggest organized open mic event aimed solely at unearthing the next gem. Building 207/122 Lang Road, Moore Park, Sydney 02 93571419 www.comedystore.com.au

El Rocco Room

In the cool surrounds of Kings Cross lies El Rocco Room, with its intimate NYC style jazz cellar hosting both 8pm and 10pm shows. El Rocco Room’s ‘Happy Endings Comedy Club’ has long been considered by Sydney comedy lovers as one of the city’s leading venues. 154 Brougham Street, Kings Cross, Sydney 02 93009060 www.happyendingscomedyclub.com.au

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The Roxbury Hotel

Constantly improving and increasing its comedy offerings the Roxbury Hotel has established itself with a quality open mic comedy night every Wednesday. Sydney natives come from far and wide for ‘Comedy On The Rox’, with the best unsigned acts battling it out for a chance to win cash prizes. Other comedy nights at the Roxbury include ‘Wicked Women Comedy Night’ and for the lonely hearts amongst you with your sense of humour still intact ‘The Comedy Singles Night’. Tickets for Wednesdays at The Roxbury Hotel are $15, student discount also available. 182 St Johns Road, Glebe Sydney 02 96920822 www.roxbury.com.au

Café Lounge

Every Monday this small bar in Surry Hills turns into a raucous den of hysterical laughter and good times as The Comedy Lounge takes over. Comedians take to the stage at 7.30pm with entry just $10. Deals on drink and pizza make this action packed

night out easy on the wallet, but with extensive cocktail and wine menus and cosy vintage furniture to slump into you may be forced to stay after the comedy has had its last laugh. 277 Goulburn Street, Surry Hills Sydney 02 90163951 www.cafelounge.com.au

The Laugh Garage

The Laugh Garage does exactly what it says on the tin. A comedy venue and not much else, don’t turn up expecting gourmet food and cocktails as well as good comedy. Serving up a host of themed comedy nights, unlike a lot of Sydney venues there is comedy throughout the week at the Laugh Garage with new wave comedy on Tuesdays, open mic on Wednesdays, catch a rising comic on Thursdays with Fridays and Saturdays reserved for more high profile guests. 60 Park street, Sydney CBD 02 92641161 www.thelaughgarage.com By Harry Dillon

SYDNEY Monday Kings Cross Hotel 244-248 Williams Street Kings Cross $12 Curry, Rice, Naan & pickles (12-3pm/5.30-10pm)

Scruffy Murphy’s 43-49 Goulburn Street $9.95 Big Irish Breakfast and Drink

The Beresford 354 Bourke St Surry Hills $5 Happy Hour 5-7pm

Tuesday

The Porterhouse 233 Riley Street Surrey Hills $10 beef and Guiness pie

Wednesday The Forresters 336 Riley Street Surry Hills $10 pizzas (5 flavours, 6-10pm)

The Spice Cellar 58 Martin Place Tues-Thurs 4pmmidnight Tapas

Friday

Saturday

The Eastern 500 Oxford Street Bondi Junction Happy Hour 5-7pm $4 beer & $5 wine

The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee Happy Hour Jackson’s On George 176 George Street DJ’s from 9pm

The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee Salsa Night Beach Burrito Company 252 Campbell Parade Green Chilli Roasted Pig Quesadilla $13.95

The White Horse 385 Crown St Happy Hour $5 Cocktails 4-7pm

Sunday Coach & Horses 147 Avoca Street Randwick Poker from 3pm – $700 prize pool

City Hotel 347 Kent Street $4 Spirits from 7pm – 9pm Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool Street $10 Cocktails, $15 Cider jugs 6-9pm

Kings Cross Hotel 244-248 Williams Street Kings Cross $12 4 Soft Tacos: Chicken or Pork (12-3pm/5.30-10pm) The Office Hotel Cnr Kent and Erskine Streets $10 meals

Thursday

The Porterhouse 233 Riley Street Surry Hills Breakfast 10am-4pm

The Beach Palace 169 Dolphin Street Coogee $10 Buckets

The Beresford 354 Bourke St Surry Hills Garden Party from 3pm

The Forresters 336 Riley Street Surry Hills $15 USA BBQ & Musik Coach & Horses 147 Avoca Street Randwick Poker from 2pm – $750 prize pool

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SYDNEY

Sunday Sessions... It’s hard to deal with the prospect of Monday and the impending monotony of work, so why not make the most of the weekend. We’ve picked some of the best Sunday sessions in Sydney, so if you fancy partying on the day of rest, we’ve got it covered. Tea Gardens

Upstairs Beresford

Beach Palace Hotel

Jacksons On George

Tea Gardens hosts a variety of live entertainment acts throughout the week, but Sunday puts this place on the map. Renowned throughout Sydney for their epic Sundays, guests can expect live music from 4pm during the Sunday Sessions, and enjoy the cider of the month for only $5. 2-4 Bronte Road Bondi Junction, Sydney 02 9389 3288 www.teagardenshotel.com.au

Overlooking the stunning views of Coogee Beach, with a relaxed atmosphere and spectacular views, Beach Palace is the go-to place to recover from the night before with two bistros serving tasty traditional food. Every Sunday afternoon from 4pm, guests can loosen up to live entertainment. 169 Dolphin Street, Coogee, Sydney 02 9664 2900 www.beachpalacehotel.com.au

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Your Sunday’s certainly won’t be dull at The Upstairs Beresford Hotel. Spread over two floors, the Sunday celebrations start at 3pm and keep going til 1am with Sydney’s best DJs on rotation. With Happy Hour between 5-8pm you can even eek out your last weekend pennies. 354 Bourke Street, Surry Hills, Sydney 02 8313 5000 merivale.com.au/upstairsberesford

Head down to Jacksons on George for the free jukebox and $4 pints. Jacksons boasts one of the most impressive beer lists in the country with 101 beers from 27 countries to satisfy your taste buds, If during your time in Sydney you manage to sample all 101 you will be placed on their Beer Hall of Fame. 176 George Street, Sydney 02 9247 9334 www.jacksonsongeorge.com.au

Abercrombie Hotel

The fresh air from the terrace and deep-fried foods will help nurse your hangover from the night before, and every Sunday after 2pm, guests can enjoy a 9 hour live session from the best local and international DJ talent. So if you want to keep the party going, and love House music stop by for S.A.S.H at Abercrombie. 100 Broadway, Sydney 02 9280 2178 www.facebook.com/abercrombiehotel

Soup Kitchen @ The World Bar

Keep going til 6am at The World Bar with Soup Kitchen Sundays. With House and Disco til the early hours, courtesy of The World Bar’s volunteers, you’ll boogie your Sunday away. 24 Bayswater Road, Kings Cross, Sydney 02 9357 7700 www.theworldbar.com By Erica Mahendren

NEW SOUTH WALES

A weekend away in... Palm Beach

There is no shame in admitting it – sometimes city life gets the best of us all. No matter how sunny, the need to escape the high rise buildings, public transport and “unusual” members of the population can get so much that escaping for a few days is the only option. Fortunately for you lucky Sydney-siders, Palm Beach or the so-called “Jewel of the Northern Beaches” is just a 90 minute bus ride from the CBD. In next to no time you can be free from the shade of those buildings, the fumes from the vehicles and enjoying your own mini-break without having to board a plane or drive for days on end.

you are a hard-core fan, I must warn you that what you might remember as a quaint seaside town linked by sandy, country lanes that all either lead to the caravan park or the Surf Shack is in actual fact little more than a beach! You will however be able to purchase some memorabilia and if you’re lucky, see some filming.

For those of you who define yourselves as aficionados of Australian soap operas, the mere mention of Palm Beach will have those ears pricking up in delight. Yes readers, Palm Beach is also known by another name – Summer Bay – the setting for ‘Neighbours’ arch nemesis of the soap opera world, ‘Home and Away’.

Palm Beach is known for its excellent scuba diving and there are some great dive sites for you to explore just off the coast. Whether you wish to spend the long weekend obtaining your Padi qualification or just re-familiarising yourself with the colourful delights of the underwater kingdom – pop into Atlantis Divers in Governor Phillip Park and their experienced dive masters will be more than happy to take you out. The best dive sites are Magic Point – home to – don’t freak out - a colony of grey nurse sharks, as well as some beautiful caves which house sting rays, cuttlefish and the wonderfully named weedy sea dragons! Shelly Beach is another great, sheltered dive spot perfect for beginners.

Set on a peninsula, Palm Beach juts out into the pristine waters of the Pacific Ocean and is blessed with a unique contrast of golden sands and evergreen bush land. The relaxed suburb is home to environmentally aware, financially privileged folk and an abundance of options for ways to get active, dine in style or simply lie down and relax away those woes.

Getting There

If you are the proud owner of some wheels – the journey time for you will be around 40 minutes traffic depending. The best option public transport-wise is to hop on the L90 bus from Wynyard Station and you will be there in 90 minutes. If you aren’t in a rush, you can always hop off and explore some of the other charming suburbs en route – Avalon Beach and Newport are worth a wander. If your cash is burning a hole in your pocket you can catch a sea plane from Rose Bay via Sydney Harbour. This cuts the journey time to just 15 minutes but will set you back €185 per person.

What to do?

Many visitors to Palm Beach are only there for one thing – to pretend that they are in Summer Bay. If

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If you have yet to join the barefoot, sun-bleachedblonde brigade who know how to show a wave who’s boss – now could be your time to learn. The seasoned-pros at Palm Beach Surf School will be able to guide you through the basics and have you standing on a wave by the end of the day no matter what! If you are already pretty adept at manoeuvring whatever the ocean tries to throw up, you can bring your board and explore for yourself or book on to a great value surf day which teaches you a little history, feeds you, helps you hone your technique and transports you between the Northern Beaches best surf beaches including Dee Why, Collaroy, Manly and Newport. Linking the mainland to Barrenjoey Headland is Governor Phillip National Park. As well as affording you ample green space to enjoy picnics and BBQ’s, there is also the opportunity for a little hiking. A favourite choice amongst keen walkers is to embark on the 20 minute, relatively steep walk out to Barrenjoey Lighthouse which marks the

northernmost point of Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Although it might sound a lot like hard work, the 180 degree views over Palm Beach, Pittwater and the Hawkesbury will most definitely be worth it. Alternative activities offered in the park include sailing, fishing, swimming, wind-surfing, kayaking and canoeing and let’s not forget the real reason you came – relaxing on the beach. Ku-Ring Gai Chase National Park is Australia’s second oldest national park and allows you to explore winding creeks, stretches of ocean, rainforests, mangroves, ancient Aboriginal sites as well as modern marinas and cafes to refresh in. Palm Beach may be known as the home of Alf, Angel and Pippa but in actual fact there is a wealth of things to do which make it a perfect weekend away.

Where to stay?

There aren’t an abundance of accommodation options in Palm Beach – but if you book ahead you shouldn’t find it hard to find somewhere to sleep. If you’re the outdoorsy type – you can camp at The Basin in the Ku-Ring Gai Chase National Park or if you prefer a little more comfort without breaking the bank the Avalon Beach Hostel where dorm rooms will set you back little more than $20 per night. If its privacy that you are after then the Palm Beach B&B offers double rooms for €200 per night and it is perfectly located close to Whale Beach and Avalon Beach and some of the rooms enjoy sea views. If you are one of the lucky ones who decided to take the sea plane, you won’t think twice about booking a room at Jonah’s Ocean Retreat right on the beach. It will set you back €289 per person per night and if you are seriously committed to your relaxation you can pay a little more and treat yourself to an indulgence package which involves luxurious spa treatments. By Amy Baker

VICTORIA

A Weekend away in... Torquay

You may want to do the Great Ocean Road on a day trip, but with so many lovely towns along the way why not make a weekend of it. Torquay offers the perfect weekend away from the hustle and bustle of Melbourne, so make the most of your weekend whilst in Victoria, and slip into the wonders of this costal haven... If you are well and truly initiated to the rad-ness of the Australian surfing community then no doubt Torquay, Victoria’s surfing capital, is on your radar. Each and every Easter the biggest names in surfing roll into town for the Rip Curl Pro World Championships which see’s surfers filling up every restaurant, café, camp site and square-inch of beach space. If your ideal boy or girl comes barefoot and with an excellent sense of balance – this may well be the best time for you to visit to improve your chances of meeting the person of your dreams but as there is so much to see and do, it is a delightful weekend getaway at any time of year.

Getting there

As Torquay is located on the Great Ocean Road, you may want to hire a car so that you have the freedom to explore at your leisure. If you pick your car up in Melbourne CBD and manage to avoid the queues of people with exactly the same idea as you, you can expect to be in beach heaven in around 90 minutes. Catching a train is fortunately nice and easy. Hop aboard one of the many daily trains to Geelong from Spencer Street Station (1 hour journey time) and then catch an Otway Bus for half an hour to get you the rest of the way.

What to do?

If I began this section with anything other than surfing I am sure that the surf gods of yesteryear would ascend on my doorstep to wreak havoc, wag their fingers angrily and clip me round the ear. Torquay is a surfers dream – even if the idea of attempting to ride a wave fills you with a magnificent sense of dread and your centre of gravity is way off (my excuse), you have a duty to immerse yourself in the culture just a little. Whether that be with a lesson if you are feeling active, by reclining on one of the most popular beaches on the surf coast and watching the masters at work or by learning something about the history of the sport at the Surf World Museum. It’s everywhere, there is no fighting it so you may as well embrace it.

Surf World Museum offers fascinating insights into everything surf related – who knows you may even be inspired to grow your hair and commence referring to things as “gnarly”. The museum is home to colourful, interesting displays, surfing artefacts and memorabilia and live surfboard shaping demonstrations. Entry is $10 for adults and it’s open 9-5, seven days a week. Walking the surf coast is another way to enjoy the delights of the Great Ocean Road, whilst keeping one eye on the surf and getting some exercise at the same time. Walking the whole 30km coast may well be an activity best suited to serious walkers only – you know the kind who own walking boots, understand the benefits of Kendal mint cake and who can tell what kind of fallen branch will make an excellent walking stick – not those who head out equipped with nothing more than a pair of Havaianas and a smile. If the distance doesn’t faze you then you can enjoy the delights of all the major spots Bells Beach, Jan Juc, Iron Bark Basin, Point Addis, Anglesea, Fairhaven and Moggs Creek. If walking sounds way too much like hard work for your weekend getaway – you can explore the sites of the Great Ocean Road by motorbike – or sidecar – with Gringos Motorcycle Tours. If you haven’t got a hire car, this is a fun and slightly different way to explore the main sites on the famous coastline from Apollo Bay to The Twelve Apostles, see what is left of London Bridge and then return back through Camperdown and Colac. If you class yourself as a bit of an adrenaline junkie, why not get a different perspective on the coastline of Torquay by sky diving through Australian Sky Dive? Once you have flung yourself from the plane and enjoyed a 45 second freefall, you can enjoy views of Torquay, Bells Beach and the Great Ocean Road as you float in to land. If you prefer to keep your pulse at a resting rate then something more sedate might be in order. Wine lovers amongst you may be interested to learn that Geelong was once the largest grape growing region

in Victoria and has been enjoying a renaissance of late due to its rich soils and its climate which is said to lie somewhere between Bordeaux and Burgandy. Be sure to sample a few of the delightful chardonnays and a glass or four of shiraz. The coast is home to some great locally produced gourmet cheese and fabulously fresh seafood. Therefore foodies among you who enjoy nothing more than a nice morning stroll around a farmers market should time your visit to coincide with the Torquay Central Farmers Market which rolls into town every Saturday.

Where to eat…

The Torquay Hotel serves great food promotions throughout the week with drinks offers also taking permanent residency along with live music at the weekends. Scorched is a restaurant which prides itself on international standards with a local atmosphere. After a morning out on your board, head to Soul Fuel Cafe Bar to refuel before hitting the beach again. With a great breakfast menu and snacks, and their speciality of wood fired pizzas, Soul Fuel is tucked just away from the beach front and always very popular.

Where to stay?

If your budget only stretches to hostel prices then you can book a bed in Home@Bells Beach Hostel for around $28. If you are looking for somewhere to erect your tent you can get a pitch at Torquay Foreshore Caravan Park for $31 per night and fall asleep to the sounds of the sea. If you have a little more cash to splash you could consider Torquay Beach Townhouse where prices start at $150 per night. In peak season, you can expect to pay close to $2000 for seven nights in a three or four bed townhouse which really isn’t much when split between friends! In quieter months, seven nights here will set you back around $1050. By Amy Baker

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MELBOURNE

Comedy in Melbourne...

Celebrated as the home of Australian comedy, Melbourne boasts some excellent all year round venues to enjoy all forms of comedy. As well as Melbourne’s annual International Comedy Festival taking place every April, Melburnians have a relentless thirst for laughter and possess the very Australian characteristic of seeing the funny side in everything. The Last Laugh Comedy Club

Established in 1975, The Last Laugh Comedy Club is located in the heart of Melbourne in the historic Athenaeum Theatre and in its time has hosted some of the biggest acts in Australian and International comedy. Open every Friday and Saturday night, Last Laugh has a regularly changing roster with tickets for the show costing $25 with the option of dinner thrown in for an extra $20. 188 Collins Street Melbourne 03 96501977 www.thecomedyclub.com.au

The Comics Lounge

The Comics Lounge is home to local and international talent six nights a week making it Melbourne’s goto stand-up venue. The venue is predominantly geared towards the more established end of comedy with

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regular performers such as TV and radio personalities Charlie Pickering and Dave O’Neil leaving the audience in fits of laughter. 26 Errol Street, North Melbourne 03 93489488 www.thecomicslounge.com.au

Felix Bar

Felix Bar is an ultra-modern cocktail bar located in what is known as the city’s funniest suburb of St Kilda, offering up a superb space to enjoy their comedy night every Wednesday. Open mic night on Thursday is another platform for the local creatives to express themselves and if you fancy a laugh at yourself then get down for some Salsa lessons on a Monday evening. 11 Fitzroy Street, Melbourne 04 10329129 www.thefelixbar.com.au

Comedy @ Spleen

Comedy nights at Spleen Bar are all about showcasing exciting new upand-coming talent with admission cost completely up to you. Donation based entry is all that is asked in return for laughs a minute, whatever bit of change you have loose in your jacket pocket will do, and if you have none you can proceed for free but at least buy a couple of beers at the bar to help support a fantastic night. 41 Bourke Street, Melbourne 03 96502400 www.comedyatspleen.com

The Comedy Theatre

Situated within a 1928 heritage-listed Florentine styled building on the old site of the Hippodrome where circus performers and melodramas played out to the Melbourne public, this is a space with its creative roots stretching back centuries. With balcony seating,

a massive foyer and a grand staircase this is a true hub of the rich creative scene in Melbourne. 240 Exhibition Street, Melbourne 03 92999850 www.marrinergroup.com.au

Five Boroughs Comedy

Gracing the stage at this funky inner city venue are headline acts which have included the likes of Alan Davies, Dave Hughes and Adam Hills. $13 at the door, get there early as seats go fast! Five Boroughs is located above the hustle and bustle of Hardware Lane, a great place to chill out with a prohibition style cocktail or an international beer from the extensive menu on offer. 68 Hardware Lane, Melbourne CBD 03 96421341 www.poprestaurant.com.au By Harry Dillon

MELBOURNE

Sunday Sessions in Melbourne...

Melbourne is in no way short of bars, pubs and clubs to suit your mood and needs any day of the week. There sure is something about Sunday sessions which makes it more inviting, probably because it’s a little bit naughty and you just don’t want to confront the fact that Monday is looming over the horizon like a dark and doom riddled beast. We at BBM believe that Sundays should be fun-days, so here’s some suggestions to help you make the most of your weekend. The Esplanade

Section 8 Container Bar

Strike Bowling

The Lounge

The Fitzroy Pinnacle

Lucky Coq

With views overlooking the ocean, and a mixed bag of both regular locals and tourists, The Espy creates a comforting haven every day of the week with live bands and great music. Get down there early on a Sunday to make sure you can grab a table in the sunshine and you will find yourself still sitting there far too late for a Sunday evening. 11 The Esplanade, St Kilda, Melbourne 03 9534 0211 www.espy.com.au

Every Sunday night at Lounge welcomes ‘Heels on Decks’, a troublesome twosome of feisty girls spinning classics and original records to suit the mood of the crowd. This place pulls in a great mixed crowd and everyone seems to be on a very similar Sunday vibe! So make sure you head down to The Lounge to see where the party’s at. 243 Swanston Street, Melbourne 03 9663 2916 www.thelounge.com.au

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Welcome to the epitome of Melbourne. Section 8 is always busy and on the perfect level for a traditional Sunday session. Whether you want a ‘coffee and chat’ kind of Sunday club or more of a ‘Jazz and jam’ day with DJ sets and a bit of soul, their Sunday sessions every week are up most peoples street if you like the Melbourne hipster scene. 27-29 Tattersalls Lane, Melbourne 04 30 291 588 www.section8.com.au

Head out of the CBD and into the cool suburb of Fitzroy for a Sunday afternoon of hot bands in the beer garden from 4pm. Live Jazz and Funk that will take you back to those cool little cafes you knew back in London on Brick Lane. This place has a great menu with a good selection of cold beers and ciders to cure that Sunday hangover if you’re not feeling too fresh. 251 St Georges Road, Fitzroy North, Melbourne 03 9489 3044 www.fitzroypinnacle.com.au

If sitting in the pub is appealing, but you want something a little bit more active and fun, Strike Bowling is a great plan for a Sunday. Strike has some top promotions which make this kind of Sunday session accessible even if cash is tight. Pick your teams, grab your balls (not in that way) and score some strikes. Level 3, Melbourne Central/211 La Trobe Street, Melbourne 03 8692 0400 www.strikebowling.com.au

This is a perfect Sunday sound track whether you want to party or need someTLC. They have live bands from 4.30pm and free German hot dogs as standard. With DJs playing the finest in House music, expect a dash of Disco and some cheeky Deep Tech and Afro Beat to take you into Monday morning. Think South Side Hustle, rooftops and $4 pizzas until 11pm. Corner Chapel Street & High Street, Windsor, Melbourne 03 9525 1288 www.luckycoq.com.au

Monday The Workshop

1/413 Elizabeth Street Melbourne $8 Lasagne

Tuesday Lucy Coq Cnr Chapel Street & High Street, Windsor Comedy Night 9pm

Pugg Mahones Ember Lounge 106 - 112 Hardware 113 High Street Lane MondayNorthcort Melbourne Friday 4pm-8pm Tuesday & Thursday Happy Hour $7 $10 Pizza & Pot Craft Pints, Basic Spirits, House Wine

The Dan O’Connell Hotel The Quiet Man Irish Pub 225 Canning St 271 Racecourse Carlton Happy Road Flemington Hour 4.30pm to Buncranna’s Pork 6.30pm $6.00 Carlton Draught or Bangers and MashIrish pork sausages Brunswick Bitter Pints, Basic Spirits on Munster champ $15.90 and house wines

Wednesday PJ O’Briens Southgate Arts & Leisure Precinct, Southbank Irish acoustic duo ‘The Coogans’ Live every Wednesday

St Kilda Beach House

109 Barkly Street St Kilda Poker Tournament – $10 buy in – $14 Chicken Parmigiana, Chips & Salad

Wabi Sabi Garden Ground Level, 17 Wellington St St Kilda Authentic Japanese Cuisine Happy Hour drinks 5 - 6.30pm

Thursday

Friday

Turf Bar

Bimbo Deluxe Corner Brunswick Street & Rose Street, Fitzroy $4 pizza 11.30-4 7-11

Sunday

The Local Taphouse The Dan O’Connell 184 Carlisle Street Hotel 225 Canning St Carlton St Kilda Live Music $12 Tasting Plates 9pm Free Entry

131 Queen Street Quiz Night, 6.30pm $4 Pots & $7 Pints

Ding Dong Level 18 Market Lane Chinatown Best Recreation, DJs & bands

Saturday

Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central/211 La Trobe Street $18 (1) $32 (2) Game of Bowling Friday and Saturdays 4pmClose

The Local Taphouse 184 Carlisle Street St Kilda Live Music 9pm Free Entry

Duke of Kent 293 La Trobe Street Daily Happy Hour

served from 2.00pm to 9.00pm. Tasting plate and a glass of house wine for $17 or a platter for Two and a bottle of house wine for $45

The Quiet Man Irish Pub 271 Racecourse Road Flemington Full Irish Breakfast $14.90

Ding Dong Level 1 18 Market Lane Chinatown Midnight Run Discotheque

Lucky Coq Free BBQ, koppaberg cider $10 per pint All week $4 hotdogs and $4 pizza Strike Bowling Level 3 Melbourne Central/211 La Trobe Street Play 5pm Free bowling if $6 spent at bar

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TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

Adventure Travel In Australia Adventures are there to be experienced. It is therefore dependent on you as an individual to decide the level of courageousness you’re willing to express for the adventure at hand. If you are working, travelling or permanently residing in Australia, it is always exciting to add a little excitement to your day and to go on a thrill seeking escapade. When you hear the words ‘adventure travel’, your mind instantly takes you thousands of feet into the air or down into the depths of the ocean where the next thing you know you’re being served to the sharks as desert. BBM thought we would take the lighter approach and look at alternative nature adventure travel (with a few added exhilarators) just for the thrill factor. Remember, adventures can be physically demanding, but they can also be extra tasty – bush-tucker style. Monkeys Mia Dolphin Experience

Surrounded by the beauty and calm of crystal blue waters, your imagination will go wild as you envisage what is swimming around you. Western Australia’s Shark Bay is renowned for its wildlife and natural overwhelming beauty and Monkey Mia is no exception to this. The dolphin visitation rate is truly unique as it is daily and so it is without a doubt one of the best places to have an interactive adventure with nature, where the dolphins will swim right up to you in the shallows. The resort caters for all budgets from backpackers to families. Monkey Mia is a truly unique experience and though the location is unusual and can be effort to get to (accessible from Perth by car, air and coach), it is completely worth it when you do arrive to this beachfront paradise. www.monkeymia.com.au

Dugong Tour

The Dugong is a crazy looking creature. Part of the manatee family, they are nicknamed the ‘sea cow’ as they grow to three metres in length, live to up to 70-years-old and graze on sea grass in a fascinating cow-like manner.

Kakadu Dreamtime Safari

Steep yourself in thorough adventure throughout the expansive wilderness of Kakadu National Park. With Intrepid Travel, you embark on a three-day Dreamtime safari where you stay at their own private aboriginal camp at Murdudjurl and sleep under the stars. Four wheel drive through the remotest areas of Kakadu, and experience this unique National Park in all its glory, returning back to Darwin. www.intrepidtravel.com

F1 Style Racing Experience, Sydney

With the F1 Grand Prix around the corner, what better time but to get into the driving seat yourself. The grand prix doesn’t have to be driven by manly racing drivers through Melbourne; girls can also get into the drivers seat (as long as you have a license.) As you’re seated only a couple of inches off the ground, feel every bump and grind as you fly around the track on an unforgettable thrill for the day. www.experienceoz.com.au

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It really is a once in a lifetime experience to see these creatures in their own habitat and the East Coast of Australia is the ideal area for a sighting. Take a cruise in Queensland with Dolphin Wild to experience the spectacle of Moreton Island and the Marine Park where you may also be so lucky enough to see dolphins, turtles, the brilliant dugongs, and from June to November, you might also get to see the humpback whale. Remember that the wonderous Dugong is an endangered species, so if you happen to see one, be sure to take lots of snaps and treasure the memory of a lifetime. www.dolphinwild.com.au

Bushtucker Tour, Margaret River

Why not become part of a native adventure whilst in Australia? If budget isn’t an issue, nature calls and creates an adventure for you. This tour is an expensive way to spend a day, get some exercise and best of all, try 20 native dishes of Australia. Adventure travel doesn’t have to be ‘doing’ something; it can be ‘eating’ it too! This tour is a cave adventure, native medicine and wildlife learning practice, wild food and gourmet lunch, and a canoeing experience all in one. There are a variety of similar tours, all based around the Margaret River area. So if you’re partial to kangaroo, ostrich, or crocodile meat, or wish to discover to plethora of traditional Australian cuisine, then make sure you book on to this tour and put your tastebuds to the test. www.bushtuckertours.com

Hot Air Balloons

Image courtesy of www.hotair.com.au

Whether you wish to take to the air in the Gold Coast, Brisbane, Port Douglas or Cairns - Hot Air Balloons have been a popular choice for many people in Australia as it is one of the original companies and holds such great reputation for a whole rounded experience. You can decide whether you want to enjoy a champagne breakfast whilst taking in the extraordinary sights or experience the beauty of the Barrier Reef whilst floating under a giant balloon. www.hotair.com.au

Sky Dive The Beach

Sky Dive The Beach is celebrating 10 successful years of diving through the skies this year, so why not celebrate with them. From Sydney to Byron Bay, Melbourne to the Gold Coast, this company is one of the best in the country. If you jump out the plane on the first drop, they have an early bird special. They also have great adventure packages and nighttime sky dive opportunities too. “It’s the closest thing to pure euphoria you can feel a rush that takes in your whole body and mind. The scariest bit is the waiting to jump and once your on the edge it just feels like falling of a chair then before you know it you’re flying, you don’t even think about the dangers and Sky Dive The Beach were so friendly and made me feel as safe as I needed to be!” www.skydivethebeach.com.au

Southern Cross Horse Treks

This horse riding location presents the best of the Australian bush, rainforest, isolated beaches and green farm valleys of the beautiful Australian East Coast. Try a single two hour session on the horses or make it a holiday with a whole week’s riding sessions with Southern Cross Horse treks in NSW, just near the town of Port Macquarie. In a stunning setting with beautiful holiday cabins and home cooked meals, this really is a week of perfection if you are a fan of horse riding (not suitable for beginners). www.horsetreks.com.au

Blue Mountains Adventure Company

The Blue Mountains are a popular attraction on all levels of the adventure scale. Whether you want to have a day walking through the valleys and taking in the overwhelming look out points, or climbing down the orange cliffs into the wilderness and trekking through the waters, there is adventure for everyone. With almost 30 years experience in abseiling, rock climbing, canyoning, bushwalking and navigation, this company is the best in the mountains. They offer camping packages and experiences of all shapes and sizes. www.bmac.com.au By Frankie Salt

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TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

A Long Weekend in Brisbane...

So you’re planning a trip to Brisbane? Well, you had better be organised and fond of making a list or two because trying to cram everything into a two or three day trip is likely to prove tricky especially if you get carried away in one of Fortitude Valley’s raucous bars on your first night and write off the rest of the trip…true story!

Brisbane has been billed as “a city for the senses” largely due to its beautiful tropical climate, winding river, plentiful parks and rainforest trails which rather unusually are located slap bang in the middle of the CBD. This means that you can get acquainted with all that flora and fauna without having to venture beyond walking distance of a public toilet or having to break eye contact with the cities highrise buildings. So, what’s your poison - shopping, galleries, live music, adventure activities? Like we said, Brisbane is packed full of things to do, so

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in the name of helping you organise a weekend away that dreams are made of, we outline some of Brisbane’s highlights.

If you’re the active sort…

Let us commence proceedings by outlining some of the more energetic things that you can do in Brisvegas. Being located on the Brisbane River certainly has its benefits. Walking around the city is all very well, but given the chance, surely exploring it from the water is way more exciting? There is quite

literally an activity to suit all energy levels ranging from kayak and canoe hire to paddle boarding. The tours will take you past many of the city’s must-see sights including Brisbane Botanical Gardens and Mangroves, the Maritime Museum, South Bank Parklands, the Story Bridge and Mowbray Park. If you want to explore what the river area has to offer but would rather stay on dry land then there are a number of transportation options available which combine fun, sight-seeing and exercise. Why

BRISBANE not channel the 80s and hire some roller blades for a couple of hours? You can skate along the river, marvel at Kangaroo Point Cliffs (you can rock climb here if you are so-inclined) and then see how many pedestrians you can irritate as you cross the Goodwill Bridge. There are also great cafes and restaurants to enjoy in the South Bank Parklands when you feel those energy levels flagging and if you need to cool off, you can always take a refreshing dip in the man-made lagoon. Alternatively, why not hire a kick bike? This unusual form of transportation was originally designed as a cross-training device for Nordic athletes and if this high-tech bike-slashscooter is good enough for Thor and his bearded compadres then it should be good enough for you. Granted, you might look like a bit of a douche-bag but it will guarantee you some giggles.

Art

Once you’ve tired yourself out with all of these energetic doings, it is time to get a bit of culture. There are a plethora of great galleries for you to peruse and as it would be impossible to name them all, here are a couple that come highly recommended. Lust for Life in Fortitude Valley is a gallery for the unconventional – it’s a tattoo parlour-come-café-come-art space so you may be there for a while. Although only recently opened, it has already hosted some excellent pop culture and tattoo-inspired exhibitions. Shooting Gallery in Spring Hill is the type of gallery that you don’t just come across walking down the street. Look out for the yellow duck sign and follow it down the quiet side street. Although it may feel like it, you are not being duped into a mugging, the gallery is home to exhibitions from recent graduates who will now doubt progress to greatness. The after-parties here are a force to be reckoned with and afford you the chance to mingle with Brisbane’s arty (AKA hot) crowd.

This isn’t the only free tour in the city – that generous bunch – Parliament House is worth a wander and won’t involve parting with any of that hard-earned booze or shopping money. The building itself is rather spectacular. All antiques…thick red carpet… everywhere seems dusty – you know the kind. We recommend visiting on a day when Parliament is actually sitting. This occurs at 10.30 or 2.30 and we must warn you, this may not be for the prudish. A wonderful thing called ‘Parliamentary Privilege’ means that everyone can shout any kind of insult they wish at the person talking – things often get downright dirty so be sure to go armed with your best and most offensive insults. If your weekend break extends to a Tuesday or a Thursday, get yourself down to the Police Headquarters on Roma Street at 10am for a unique behind the scenes look at the life of a policeman. It might not sound that interesting but think about it, they’ll be miked cops dealing with distress calls and dispatching back-up to all corners of the city, a chance to pretend you’ve robbed a bank and have to have your finger prints taken, you’ll see pictures of gruesome crime scenes and pay a visit to the forensics lab (not recommended for the squeamish). Then you can pay a visit to the museum. All for free. Splendid.

Day Trips From Brisbane Brisbane is not just a city; it is one of the finest cities in the world to call home. Aside from this, it is also a region of amazing places to see and things to do, not only near to the CBD but the surrounding areas. The beauty of Queensland’s capital is that it has a sense of innocence, where hipsters haven’t taken over certain areas, instead leaving a more neutral vibe and there is a rich sense of experiences waiting to be uncovered with a hint of fine dining, great nights out and exciting events at each corner. • The surrounding landscapes make for a visual orgasm; there are over 1200km of walkways and bridges to uncover across the area. • For instance Bribie Island is linked to the mainland by a bridge that crosses the Pumicestone Passage. One side of the island where the passage lies has outstanding views of the Glasshouse Mountains with beautiful still waters for swimming and watersports away from the city itself. • Head to the other side of the island to a safely controlled and patrolled surf beach which is great for boarders of all expertise. This side of the island at Woorim creates a look out to Moreton Island in the far distance. • If you are lucky enough to have four wheels whilst you are in Brisbane, head 90 minutes out of the city to arrive to pure nature paradise. The Illinbah circuit is located in the Binna Burra section of Lamington National Park. This park is perfect for catching some fresh air, hitting the road and taking in the nature which surrounds the city. • With extensive walking tracks along the McPherson Range along with caves and mysterious coves to uncover, you can explore the area’s forests, brooks and beautiful waterfalls

Splash some cash

Finally lets discuss Brisbane’s shopping opps – there are lots! Queen’s Street Mall is where we recommend you head to first for local and international labels. The heritage-listed arcades are a joy to explore and hey – if you leave with a hefty credit card bill – it’s not your fault. You’re on holiday!

Tours

Getting around in Brisbane couldn’t be easier courtesy of Brisbane City Council’s free bus, The Loop. It goes around all the most important parts of the city so you can jump on and off to your heart’s content or simply ride the whole route, snap away and leave safe in the knowledge that you saw everything!

The city is home to some great boutiques and flea markets and Jan Powers Farmers Market or Nundah Fresh Farmers Market are great for snapping up fresh produce for you to enjoy during a scenic riverside picnic. Whatever you’re looking for in a weekend break, Brisbane can deliver. Enjoy!

• If you fancy a really adventurous day out, head one hour south back towards the Goldcoast to Dreamworld. These adventure theme park has it all with its sister park in the same location. Rides for people of all dare devil levels, this is a day trip out from Brisbane that will never be forgotten. • Another great theme park is the White Water World which has been created for all you water babies out there. What better in the sunshine that a day of thrills in the cool waters with your mates? There are some great promotional deals around at the moment with joint tickets to both theme parks for that extra thrill.

By Amy Baker

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GLOBAL TRAVEL

Adventures In Africa

Masai Mara, Kenya

Lake Nakuru, Kenya

Ever fancied observing the great plains of the Masai Mara, or kayaking down the Zambizi, or even feeling the refreshing spray from Victoria Falls on your face? BBM takes a look at the best locations to visit on the continent of Africa. There are several ways to travel through Africa, but what you will find is that most of the time, it isn’t all that easily done, and secondly it isn’t all that cheap. One of the best ways to see Africa in all its glory however is on an overland tour. There are tons of tour companies that run tours that can last anything from a week to 11 weeks. And depending on how much money you have to spend, and how long you think you can endure living on the road, it’s totally up to you which you choose. The amazing thing about overland tours is that your accommodation, food and travel is taken care of. However you will very much be expected to be part of the team, and help pitch tents and cook food. In just 20 days you can travel from Nairobi all the way down to Kigali, passing through the Masai Mara, Nakuru National Park, on to Queen Elizabeth National Park, and also take in the sights of Lake Naivasha, the Bujagali Falls, and Lake Victoria. During this time you’ll cross the borders of Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda, and get to see the mountain gorillas if you’re lucky. The great thing about these tours is that you can also book add-ons such as ballooning over the Masai Mara (which is a must do), and you can even climb Mt Kilimanjaro. A straight 20 day tour like this will set you back around $620, but remember, this is just the tour and your flights are not included. If you’ve got more time to kill and want to see more of Africa then a 9-11 week overland tour will take you all the way from Kenya down to South Africa. You’ll

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pass through Uganda, Tanzania, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Botwana, and Namibia before finally reaching your final stop Cape Town in South Africa. On this length or tour you’ll not only cover the Masai Mara, but you’ll also travel The Serengeti, delve down into the Ngorongoro Crater, visit Etosha National Park, take in the spectacular Sossusvlei Dunes located in the southern part of the Namib Desert, and also see the Cape Cross Seal Colony. A tour like this will show Africa in all its varying glory as you travel from the East to West down to the South. A longer tour such as this will set you back around $2000, and even more if you want any add on activities such as staying on the coast in Kenya, or kayaking, or going off route to Kruger National Park. Whilst on safari, it’s important to keep your wits about you, as this isn’t the kind of activity for the faint hearted. Anything can happen when you’re out in the reserves, as don’t forget… there are actual factual wild animals there and they will eat you. So always travel with a guide and make sure you listen to them. Other top tips that you might already be accustomed to would be to always shake your shoes out and check the loo and the ground before you sit down, as creepy crawlies and snakes love a good hidey hole, and you certainly don’t want to get caught short with a black mamba dangling off your tackle. It’s important to always wear clothes that keep your ankles, wrists and neck enclosed in the evenings as you also don’t want to get bitten by any malaria infected mosquitos. All the fright factors aside, whilst on safari you’ll get to grips with all of natures beautiful creatures, from gazelles, to gnus, elephants and hippos, you’ll see these animals how nature intended in their natural environment. If you’re lucky enough you’ll even spot black and white rhinos, cheetahs, and leopard. If you’re a bit more daring and fancy seeing what goes on at night time, a night safari is also an option. In the darkness you’ll certainly need to keep your eyes peeled, but under the cover of darkness is where you’ll find bush babies and possums staring wide eyed back at you, you might even get to see what elephants get up to by moonlight. Oh la la. By Lance Weeber

Mountain Gorillas, Uganda

Sossusvlei, Namibia

Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

Travel Essentials...

Each month, we bring you the best in travel essentials that we’ve tried and tested. From gadgets to cosmetics here’s the best products we’ve found this month!

Supertooth Disco 2

If you’re after a portable speaker that works just as good outdoors then the Supertooth Disco 2 is a must have. It’s a freestanding wireless speaker which connects to any Bluetooth A2DP device including the iPhone, iPad and iPod touch. The Disco 2 enables you to enjoy high quality music anytime and anywhere. A great addition is the use of pause/stop/skip buttons, so you can have complete control over your music using the speaker directly. Music from a smartphone or tablet works best, and with an internal battery, up to ten hours of music can be enjoyed from a two-hour charge. $119 available in red, pink, green and black from www.amazon.co.uk

Mighty Boom Ball

This nifty audio gadget let’s you listen to music whenever you like, simply by using the objects around you. Plus, it’s smaller than a golf ball, so it’s perfect for shoving in your pocket and taking it anywhere. The Mighty Boom Ball can project sound up to 20 metres away, and is the ideal size to fit onto your key ring, or attach to your mobile phone. It’s compatible with all devices including your iPod, iPad, smartphone, android, laptop and mp3 players. Using the latest vibration technology it turns everyday items such as drink cans, water bottles, sunglasses case and sun loungers into sound systems, making it the perfect travel accessory, and it’s fun to use! You will need AAA batteries though. $23 available in nine colours from www.mightboomball.com

Paperblank Journals

Record and re-live your travel adventures and experiences by documenting your memories and favourite holiday snaps in these beautiful Paperblanks travel journals. There’s a range of artistic and innovative designs to choose from, including French textiles, traditional embroidery from India and Japanese Lacquer box patterns. They’re surprisingly lightweight, so will slip into your bag with ease. There’s even a safe pouch at the back that makes a handy place for storing all your important travel documents. These gorgeous travel journals make great holiday souvenirs you can smile and look back on in the future.

Polaroid Contactspod Travel Pack

The Polaroid Contactspod is the world’s first disposable contact lens case, a lifesaver for any contact lens wearer. This make-up size lens pack provides single use and airtight storage whenever you’re on the move. The travel pack comes with two Contactspods, one for each leg of the flight, and a clear re-sealable security bag. They’re so easy to use too. Simply open the case, peel back the foil seal and insert lenses into the sterile solution contained within each pod. Once the case is closed, it keeps the lenses hydrated and safe for up to 24 hours within its airtight seal. So if you forget to pack your usual lens gear, you don’t have to worry as Contactspod provides immediate access in the form of a compact single use product. It’s a must for travelling, but a handy product to keep in your handbag at all times in case of emergencies! $15 available from www.polaroidcontactlenssolutions.com

Snugpack Snuggy Pillow

If you’re on a long haul flight the Snugpak Snuggy Pillow is the perfect companion to ensure a comfortable flight. The Snuggy is a practical and compact headrest that will keep your head and neck well supported throughout your journey. The pillow packs away into it’s own sack that will fit nicely into your hand luggage without any problems. It uses high quality sleeping bag insulation and fabrics, making it incredibly soft and cosy. It’ll help you drift off and get a pleasant kip on the plane! $9 available from www.snugpak.com

$8 - $23 available from www.paperblanks.com

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GLOBAL WATCH

WORLD’S BEST

BARS

Wherever you are in the world, it’s important to make the most of it! We’ve picked some of the best watering holes from around the globe for you to visit, even if it’s just for one, or for the whole evening. Here’s our favourites, from Munich to China.

EXPERIMENTAL COCKTAIL CLUB PARIS - FRANCE

The Experimental Cocktail Club reinvents cocktails by mixing strange spirits, fresh fruit juices and subtle spices, a new fad that is sweeping across the world hottest establishements, so go and spice up your night with a bit of ‘Mixology’!

MANDARIN ORIENTAL NEW YORK - AMERICA

Inspired by the sophistication of 1930s New York, you can enjoy drinks and light bites at the stylishly elegant MObar. With stunning décor, MObar is situated on the 35th floor of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, offering stunning views of Manahttan.

CAFE BELGIQUE AMSTERDAM - NETHERLANDS

It might be situated among an alleyway of tacky tourist traps, but Belgique manages to preserve charm and credibility. It’s hugely popular with street artists and DJs, proving that sometimes the smallest bars are the best.

RIO SCENARIUM RIO DI JANEIRO - BRAZIL

If you’re after something quirky, Rio Scenarium combines a club, a restaurant and an antiques warehouse. This grand building is filled with object d’art clocks, radios and mannequins to offer you an artistic drinking experience.

BO-ZIN MARRAKESH - MOROCCO

Relax and watch the sunset at this fashionable bar and eatery. The interior is lined with inviting white sofas, the outdoor bar is candle lit, and the quiet garden houses an exquisite clear pool.

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BOO RADLEY’S CAPE TOWN - SOUTH AFRICA

Boo Radley’s iconic black and white chequered floor captures the old-fashioned elegance of America, despite its South African location. It serves classic cocktails with a menu influenced by French bistros, a great combination for a charismatic night out. If you want excellent atmosphere and a slice of tradition, then pop in for a pint.

LENBACH MUNICH - GERMANY

Lenbach Bar and Restaurant is a favourite among celebrities and is situated in a chic historic building. The restaurant presents quality food, whilst the foyer plays host to a swanky sushi bar.

22.13 ST PETERSBURG - RUSSIA The wonderful two-storey 22.13 bar doubles up as the perfect spot for a cosy coffee date with friends or a delicious dinner date with your partner. Inspired by flea markets and antique shops across Europe, you can enjoy your vodka in style.

THE CHINA CLUB HONG KONG - CHINA

Located on the top three floors of the old Bank of China Building in Central Hong Kong, the China Club is a posh joint, yet a great place to watch the nightly lightshow that fills the skies of Hong Kong in a neon glow at 8.30pm.

THE ROCK BAR KOH SAMUI - THAILAND

Thailand’s Rock Bar is an authentic chilled out cavern nestled between trees and has its own beach. It’s built within an assortment of rocks where you can enjoy a cold beer and watch the sunset.

LEVEL 43 ROOFTOP DUBAI - UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

There’s no better way to capture Dubai’s beauty than from the Level 43 Rooftop Lounge and Bar. This sleek, blue-lit open-air terrace gives you magnificent 360-degree panoramic views of Dubai’s skyline. Enjoy a cocktail and marvel at Dubai’s bustling city from 155 metres above the ground.

THE EPSY MELBOURNE - AUSTRALIA

If free live music is what you’re looking for then The Epsy has it all. It hosts bands 7 days a week, so be sure to enjoy a drink or two at Australia’s longest running music venue.

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WHAT’S TRENDING

Keep The Party Going...

It’s time to enjoy the last of the summer, so with this in mind, it’s time to inject bursts of bright colours, mixed patterns and hints of tie dye and cosmic into your wardrobe. Shades of turquois and aqua work well mixed with neutral tones, clashed with pops of pink and you’re on to a winning look.

For him...

1. Muti print short sleeve shirt, $42 from www.topman.com 2. Blue and pink finger t-shirt, $36 from www.bundyandwebster.com 3. Multi pattern swim shorts, $33 from www.topman.com 4.Timex digital watch, $60 from www.watchshop.com 5. Tie dye cap, $21 from www.asos.com 6. Cosmic Top, $33 from www.topman.com 7. 90s baroque print belt, $18 from www.topman.com 8. Hoodie with dip dye, $42 from www.asos.com 9. Wario shorts, $37 from www.asos.com

5. 7.

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For her...

1.Reversible leopard/floral print trousers, $97 from www.lookagain.com 2.Vallego playsuit, $90 from www.quicksilver.com 3.Midi dress in ombre lace, $52 from www.asos.com 4.Peace print tie dye vest, $27 from www.asos.com 5.Jansport backpack, $24 from www.surfdome.com 6.Valcom pistol denim legging jeans, $42 from www.surfdome.com 7.Shadowline, $12 from www.frontcovercosmetics.com use with any eyeshadow, our favourite is Nautical nymph eyeshadow, $6 from www.frontcovercosmetics.com 8.Shimla spun bracelet, $45 from www.shimlajewellery.com 9.Mini strawberry glaze lipstick, $6 from www.frontcovercosmetics.com 10.DC rebound hi shoes, $108 from surfdome.com

9. 6. 10. 5.

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INTERVIEWS

Goldie

Greeting us with a warm handshake and a grin full of his famous gold gnashers, we headed to West London to meet with none other than Goldie. Releasing his 20th anniversary album, ‘The Alchemist: The Best Of Goldie 1992-2012’, on 11th March, the Drum and Bass icon, graffiti artist, DJ, actor and producer is as animated and effervescent as you would imagine. Plonking his feet on the table of the Warner Music boardroom, Goldie is comfortable in his own skin and ready to talk frankly about everything from his newest work to the rebellion of his generation. From stories of people hanging off balconies at the Hard Rock Café in Mexico, to playing at a private “gold” themed party at Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas’ house, to appearing in James Bond ‘The World Is Not Enough’, he’s done a lot and now it’s time to reflect. Although ‘The Alchemist’ celebrates Goldie’s vast portfolio of works, he has also incorporated his newest record, ‘Single Petal Of A Rose’, inspired by Duke Ellington’s 1956 original of the same title, Goldie elaborates on how it came about, “It was inspired by Duke Ellington. There’s an original version of ‘Single Petal of a Rose’, it’s got fuck all to do with this version, as it’s an instrumental track, which hasn’t even taken a note from it. But it was an inspiration ‘cause I’m an artist. I don’t just sit there saying, ‘oh I want to make a tune like that one there as I need to make some money’. I find that’s really been a thing for me.” Featuring the vocals of Jade Jones (of Damage), Goldie continues on how the collaboration came about, “I think that ‘Single Petal’ was beautiful as it’s something I wrote for Jade, he’s got a great voice, and when he was coming out I was like ‘Fucking boy bands, load a fucking bollocks.’ But he’s got a great voice. And Emma [Bunton] said, ‘I don’t think he’ll ever be able to make a Drum and Bass record’ so I said, I’ll sort that out then.” And that he did. It’s a chilled track with all the electronic and bassy elements you could want after a long night out. Goldie goes on to talk about when he was starting out in the early 90s and how his music has evolved over the course of time. “When ‘Inner City Life’ came out 20 years ago, I was completely alienated. You might as well have thrown stones at me, or darts.” Pausing, albeit very momentarily in his animated state, he continues, “I was just some kid, making tunes wanting to be different. We all did that, when we were kids, but I just happened to have a background in music, in terms of subcultures to throw the stones from. A lot of other people never had that kind of platform. There was a lot of electronic music coming out and you’d be thinking ‘Fuck me, this is machines doing this shit, I wanna do this’.”

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Having not come from a classically trained background Goldie expresses how his generation went about creating electronic music and how and why he chose to create the kind of music he did, “…not having the ability to read music or be an engineer, I find it quite clever if you can vicariously do it through others. It’s a bit like wanking with your eyes closed with one hand tied up. You know, I think I just found it, for me, like a passive way of giving everyone the middle finger. I think it was some Freudian way of trying to prove - well everyone thought I was a fucking failure.” Famous for splicing different types of music together from Bjork to David Bowie, Goldie has an immense capacity to realise his visions. Goldie admits how random his musical conceptions can be, “A lot of music I’ve done, like ballads I think, ‘It’s got no place on an album like this!’ [he shouts] then 20 years later people come to me and say, oh that record took me through some hard times when I lost my mum, or my dad died. A couple of people have said to me they’ve lost their loved ones, they O.D’d or something, and say that it took them through a really important time in their lives.” Speaking about the importance of music to himself and the journey it’s taken him on, Goldie elaborates, “Music really carried my life. It’s all I know. I moved around every-fucking-where. I fucking was an orphan from the age of fucking three to 18. You’re in a place and someone’s playing Beatles, or then Steel Pulse and Marley. Everywhere was like a musical canvas and I was like ‘I’m confused!’ But I just took it all in. And that’s it really.” Goldie recalls how he and his peers were received back in the early 90s with passion he states, “We were the bastard child of Rave music. We were the bastard child of House music. They fucking hated

us. All these posh House people going ‘rebel rabble noise’. And we like ‘Fuck you lot’.” Talking about how ‘Inner City Life’, released in 1994 was a nod to everything that was wrong with England, and the state of the UK in general when he returned from America, Goldie explains, “When I came back to England, I saw it falling apart. My first experience after leaving the institutes was going from one side of the estate to the other without your feet touching the grass. It was a big thing for a young boy. It was all Margaret Thatcher and everybody getting picked up for just smoking weed. It was fucked up. Now it’s all sterile and Big Brother.” With a whole host of touring lined up to promote ‘The Alchemist’ released on his label WMetalheadz, Goldie expresses, in his cheeky Brummy tinged accent, “It’s fucking closure innit. It’s like see you, bye. Next! I’ll never settle down, mate, I learned to wank with my right hand a long time ago. You’ve got to move it around, you’ve got to keep it fresh. You’ve got to try and do different things.” With a positive outlook on life, or simply use negative encounters to drive his talents, Goldie has been and will continue to be a vital makeup of electronic music today, laying down the bare back bones on which others have taken inspiration and created from. “There’s a story behind all the music I make, whether people like it or not. Whether you’re rolling out and being a bit aggy when you’re younger, or you get to my age and start thinking a bit more, you can be a bit more thespian about it if you like. It’s still electronic music for me. It just has a heart and soul now.” By Hannah Shakir

Netsky

Hailing from a small town near Antwerp, Netsky, otherwise known as Boris Daenen, has been on the scene for a few years. His production earned him a nomination as “Best Upcoming Producer” at the Drum + Bass Arena Awards in 2008 and he fulfilled this ambition two years on with the “Best Newcomer Producer” award in 2010. With original material and remixes of Plan B, Leftfield and Audio Bullies, Netsky knows how to please his followers and his new album is ready to be released as he sets sail across the world with his exciting live show. Good morning Boris, how are you? Yeah very good thank you! I’m just at home chilling. How has your journey been over the past few years? Very good, this last year has been amazing for me. We just started with the live project and this has made it very exciting. It is nice to be working on something fresh and new, it feels like my new baby. This all sounds amazing. How did the idea come about for your live shows? There were lots of ideas behind it. I have always been thinking about the drum sections and the keyboards when I was in the studio. It is obviously a very organic way to express the music on stage although I have never been a ‘musician’ as such, but I did always play the drums. I wanted to show people visually how the music is made. After the last couple of summers playing festivals as a DJ act, you look around you and there is the whole stage not being utilised as you are there on your CDJs. I want people to relate to the instruments and use the stage and what people can see. The solos from the live instruments are exciting for the crowd. This is very cool. It must be a lot more exciting to be more of a visual show rather than just the auditory. So, would you say that growing up near Antwerp which has a great music scene influenced your music tastes as you were growing up? Antwerp does have some good bands. However, English music was my main influence as I was growing up. I lived on YouTube looking for new music, so I think it was mainly international styles that influenced me. It’s funny as I was a regular DJ in Belgium for a long time but I first made it over in the UK and then had success in Belgium.

Who in the UK would you say is therefore your biggest influence? Soul always influenced me from the UK, my Dad was a huge 70s fan and so I listened to a lot of Motown and Soul music and I sample quite a lot of work from artists such as Marvin Gaye. I was never into very hard Rock or Punk as some people think. A lot of people think that I would be into the hard stuff but I actually like the Funk and Soul music which is sexy. Your first release was ‘Memory Lane’, what was the inspiration for this track? This feels so long ago, and I had so much pressure as I had been signed to Hospital Records. I wanted to prove myself to everyone and I think with my second album I just felt that I could do my own thing a lot more as I became a lot more confident as a producer. With many of my tracks including ‘Memory Lane’, I create the basis with a chord and a sample, and I like to work like this so that I can get as many tunes as possible into one track which has influenced me. So what is the reason for choosing the artists which you have remixed? Well the thing I don’t like about remixing is that there is sometimes no contact with the actual band or the artist, but is more of a management controlled process. With the remixes which I have done, I had the luck that there was some amazing music around when I did these. I loved the original Mike Snow tune and so I was lucky enough to remix this. It is always the artists which come to you but I have also been doing some bootlegs of tunes which are personal favourites of mine. So who ticks all of the boxes for you at the moment in terms of the tracks that they are releasing?

I used to not listen to Electronic music at all at one point as I was starting to get sick of it if I was playing out a lot throughout the weekends. But at the minute there seems to be some amazingly good music, particularly coming from the UK. If you look at artists such as Disclosure, there is so much new Electronic music, which has brought me back around to listening to this style of music. So Boris, what in life really gets on your nerves? Do you have a pet hate? Yeah, I am going to give a very moody answer now which is strange as I was thinking about this today. They’re both computer orientated too. For one, Instagram annoys me, all these tags and images and I just cannot get my head around what the point of it is, even when people try to explain it to me. There are also a lot of artists and DJs which spend so much time on self-promotions. You shouldn’t be allowed to ask your fans to vote for you for an award show. Your fans should do it as they wish. They seem to get away with anything and they should be making music not promoting yourself. They need to remember that we are making music not selling hamburgers. Yes exactly, they shouldn’t have to sell themselves. So you have played before in Australia and I bet you’re excited to tour the country again. What else do you have lined up? Yes I am touring a lot at the moment and so I haven’t had much time to make a lot of new music but I hope to get some new material out by the end of the year. I am seriously concentrating on the live shows and really enjoying every moment of it at present.

By Frankie Salt

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INTERVIEWS

Stereophonics Hi Richard! How are you? I’m good thank you, how are you? Yeah all good thanks. All good. I’m out just west of London, out in High Wycombe. Nice bit of the countryside. So what have you been up to this week? We’ve just been on a promo trail this week, ‘cause like the album is going to drop immanently and ‘Indian Summer’ the new single is taking off, so everyone wants a piece of us.

They’ve been quiet for a while, but with a new album ‘Graffiti On The Train’ ready to drop this month, Stereophonics are back. We grabbed a chat with Richard Jones and his strong Welsh lilt to find out what’s been going on and why the Stereophonics have stood the test of time...

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Your last album ‘Keep Calm And Carry On’ was released in 2009, so what have you been up to over the past few years? We finished touring that album in November 2010, and we built our own studio, just in like a terrace house in Shepherds Bush, and that took about three-four months to complete over that winter. Then we went back in February to start recording this batch of songs. Basically we finished about 25 tracks, up until the summer of last year. Then it was just a question of us sitting down and figuring out how to release it. The music world’s changed so much, we didn’t just want to drop singles to radio stations just to see how they do. We wanted to gently get back into things, we wanted to release music with visuals. So Kelly directed a couple of videos for the first two tracks, and that steadily whet the appetite of everybody for ‘Indian Summer’ and it’s kind of worked really well, and we’re pleased with what’s happened. So the title track, ‘Graffiti on the Train’ what’s the story behind that? it’s the inspiration and theme behind the album. Kelly had two lads, jump on the roof (he’s got a flat roof where he lives in London) and he thought they were trying to break in through one of the upstairs windows, he shouted at them, and they said ‘No we’re just trying to get to the railway tracks so we can do some graffiti on the trains’, and what have you, so he kind of thought of that question, why would someone want to do that. So he wrote a screenplay about two kids, and the rights of passage between them. So yeah all the lyrics on each song on the album, comes from situations that those characters get in, and relationships they’re in. Hopefully in a couple of years time, the screenplay will be put into production and hear the music, and the film will be complete then. So hopefully fingers crossed, that’s the master plan.

‘Take Me’ on the album is quite different to the other tracks on the album, who’s the vocalist on that? That’s Kelly’s partner that is, that’s Jackie. We cut the track in the studio, and Jackie’s good, she done singing in drama school, and we had the idea of doing a female answering vocal on that track, and asked Jackie if she could lay a version down, just as a demo for us. And it sounded really good, and we thought well what’s the point in changing that if it sounds that good. I like it, it reminded me of Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue… Well yes that’s the vibe we were aiming for, with the ballad. ‘Catacomb’ is a lot heavier Rock, what would you say about the overall versatility of the album as a whole? With each of the tracks, we wanted to see how far we could take them in their own sense. One type of thing running throughout the album, is that we wanted to create a bit of excitement and drama. It’s a great album, this is your eighth studio album, how does it feel to have come this far? We’ve just always been focused on creating the next thing for the band, and we’ve always just had the same goals in mind. We want to make the Stereophonics the best band it can possibly be. And it’s not about resting on your laurels and taking it for granted when you’ve had a couple of hits. It’s about creating a catalogue of work which will stand the test of time. That’s what we’ve tried to do, and that’s what we’re still trying to do really. What’s some of the Stereophonic’s craziest moments? Moments like playing in front of the Live8 crowd, and your playing in front 300,000 people in this park, but you could be going out to a worldwide audience of like a billion people. I think stuff like that kind of blows your mind a little bit. And meeting people who were God-like for us, like David Bowie and The Rolling Stones and Neil Young, meeting those people and realizing they are just people at the end of the day. They’re just creating things that inspire so many other people. I guess stuff like that is stand out moments for us.

By Hannah Shakir

Turin Brakes Hi Guys how has 2013 started for you all? We’re back up to speed this year, getting ready to put out a new Turin Brakes album and touring and everything! What have you been up to since the release of 2010’s ‘Outbursts’? We’ve been playing non stop gigs in places we haven’t been to much before, it’s been great, I also put out a solo record called ‘If Not Now When’ on Turin Brake’s own little label The Complete Atomic. So where does the name Turin Brakes come from? I think one of us dreamt it, we needed a name quickly, we made an EP that people wanted, but we had no name, Turin Brakes sounded exotic and like nothing else, a bit like the music. How far away are we from another Turin Brakes full length album? We plan to release a new LP after the summer, we shall be recording it just prior to our Australian tour, so will have some new fresh songs to play we think. Where are you based these days? Do you ever have reason to return to Balham, where it all began? We’re mostly based near where it all first started, London and Brighton are still our homes. What would you say the main reason behind your longevity and continued success has been? We play live, all the time, we got really good at it, people believe in what they hear and see when it’s happening for real in front of them. We also just have an inbuilt drive to make music, it was there long before any success, there have been many times we could have quit and some of our friends did, but to us the idea of quitting seemed absurd! Quit? what? Music? How about we just keep going over the cliff like Thelma and Louise… You’re playing a show in Sydney on April 25th and also playing at The Gum Ball Festival in Hunter Valley. How excited are you to be returning to Australia? It’s been one of the things we’ve wanted to do as a band for a whole decade, so a decade’s worth of excitement I’d say. Could you describe any notable differences between playing in front of UK and Australian audiences (apart from the weather)?

It’s been so long, all I remember is thinking Aussies were pretty cool and that we seemed to fit in... Can you tell us a little about your song writing process; is it always a joint effort? It usually starts with me, then I show it to Gale and it develops from there, this new album has been a little different, instead of working as a duo we’ve been jamming out ideas as a full band (with long term band members Rob Allum and Eddie Myer), so the new stuff has a different kind of energy, more like the live shows, it has as much spacey psychedelic streams as folk, I guess it’s a kind of Folk Rock, but I can’t ever pin it down too well. Who would you describe as being your early influences, the music that inspired you to start creating your own? The great acts working out of America in the late 60’s right through the 70’s, we have an ear for classic Rock with an acoustic edge, that sound always gets us, our job is to update it perhaps, make it our own. You were compared to Kings of Convenience when you first came out. Are you fans of Erlend Oye or any other of your early contemporaries? Sure, we know them well, we toured together and grew up together for a while, what was funny was when we co-headlined shows it became very apparent that our music was in fact very different, those guys have a totally different set of influences, a kind of smoothness, like being in a lovely hotel lounge drinking a nice cocktail. We were far scruffier and angrier and had more Rock n’ Roll in our veins, it was a good show, they are great dudes. You played a new song entitled ‘Sleeper’ in Italy last year. Would you say this song is a good representation of what the new album will sound like? Yeah but not the dodgy Youtube phone video version ha ha... What other shows of yours should we be looking to attend this year? All the Australian shows of course! Brisbane, Sydney, Gum Ball, Apollo Bay, Melbourne, Alice Springs, Adelaide... Can’t wait!

Olly Knights and Gale Paridjanian have been making music as Turin Brakes since 1999, but the duo’s first meeting came back in primary school in South London. Success came quickly to the Balham natives with their debut LP ‘Optimists’ garnering much praise in the media and even being nominated for a Mercury Prize and Brit award in 2001. Since the band’s last album ‘Outbursts’ in 2010 Turin Brakes haven’t stopped touring. With a new album in the offering and a tour of Australia in April and May 2013, we caught up with Olly to discuss the band’s origins, touring Australia and the future of Turin Brakes.

By Harry Dillon

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INTERVIEWS

Damien Dempsey

Fusing Reggae, Irish music, Rock and Folk, Damien Dempsey is like no other. Since his debut album in 2000 ‘They Don’t Teach This Shit in School’ set him apart as a unique and important voice, championed from an early stage in his career by Sinéad O’Connor and others, Damien went on to release another successful album ‘Seize The Day’ in 2003, and has had a string of acclaimed albums winning him much recognition throughout Ireland’s music scene. He’s supported everyone from Brian Eno to Bob Dylan, U2 and Morrisey, and now he’s coming to Australia with his ‘Almighty Love’ tour. Hi Damien how has the year started for you? I’ve been doing a solo tour around Ireland. Your music has been described as Reggae fused with Irish Folk and Rock. What inspired you to mix all these elements? I grew up listening to Irish traditional and Folk music alongside Reggae and Ska music, so it just seeped in. Would you say there is anyone out currently you could compare your sound with? I hope not, I want to be original, there’s plenty of young Irish singers now sounding like me though, I encourage them to find their own voice. Could you shed some light on your early musical inspirations growing up in Ireland? I listened to a lot of Sinead O’Connor, Luke Kelly, Christy Moore, Shane McGowan, Phil Lynott, all soulful singers. Since the release of your debut album you have enjoyed support from some leading figures in the music industry including Bob Dylan, Morrissey and Brian Eno. What do you think makes your music strike a chord with such great musicians? It’s hard to say, but I reckon honesty, passion, an original sounding voice, visual lyrics, but I suppose you’d have to ask them. Sinead O’Connor was an early fan of your music and features on your latest record ‘Almighty

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Love’. What impact has Sinead had on your career? What was it like working with her? Sinead helped me a lot to break through in Ireland, and watching her sing every night on the tours shook me to the bone and showed me what soul singing is all about. You have won plenty of awards in Ireland with major international music publications lauding your work. What would you say has been the proudest moment in your career to date? I suppose when someone comes up and says, “Your music saved my life, I was in a very dark place and a friend gave me your album and told me that will help and it lifted me out of the hole.” Things like that get me through my own dark doubtful times. You made your acting debut in Irish feature film ‘Between The Canals’ in 2011. Is this a direction you may be more focused on in the future? It’s nice to get out of your own head for a while and try and get into someone else’s, try and lose yourself and your way of thinking and carrying yourself, I suppose a change is as good as a rest. So tell us more about your acting? Since I’m 6 ft 2” with big shoulders I seem to get typecast, the gangster, the hard man, but I’m actually a shrinking violet and a soul of sensitive leanings! What have you been up to since the release of ‘The Rocky Road’ four years ago? I lived in Australia for six months, London for a

year, lived on an island in Thailand for a while, wrote poetry for a graffiti artist to put up around Dublin, went out to visit the charity I support in the Philippines ‘Preda’ and played in a few prisons in Manila, restocking my inner pond I suppose. You are touring Australia extensively in March 2013, what can the Australian fans expect from your live shows? A spiritual experience, hopefully I can send them out the door on cloud nine. Where are you most looking forward to visiting? Sydney Opera House, it’s just such a buzz to play there. If you get any free time whilst you’re there, what would you like to do? I’m going to go walkabout with your great singer and friend of mine Dan Sultan, he’s going to show me his island. Apart from the tour what else in the pipeline for 2013? I’ve got a tour of the States, Britain and Ireland, and I’m supporting Bruce Springsteen in July, so I’ll be counting on Dan to get me back out of the bush safely! Cheers and all the best for the tour!

By Harry Dillon

MUSIC NEWS

Single Reviews HAIM – Falling

Californian sisters Este, Danielle and Alana, better known as HAIM to you and me, have returned in spectacular style after winning the BBCs Sound of 2013 with their new single, ‘Falling’. Thumping drums that eerily echo into view are soon transformed into a delightful concoction of R&B chic, spliced together with catchy Pop hooks and Indie brilliance. It’s like Fleetwood Mac have teamed up with Beyoncé to create the perfect song for 2013. Their harmonies are spoton, and the layers of vocals resonate beautifully throughout the entire fourand-a-bit-minutes of music. ‘Falling’ is a wonderful example of how creative this trio can be, each listen reveals little riffs and vocals that go unheard at first, and it is simply oozing with talent. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for the bands new EP of the same name, set to be released in April, and expect to see their tunes splashed all over the radio within a month or so.

Iron and Wine – Lovers’ Revolution

With his fifth studio album ‘Ghost on Ghost’ set to be released on the 12th April via 4AD/Remote Control, Iron and Wine is treating us to this impressive first release entitled, ‘Lovers’ Revolution’. Packed full of twists and turns the song is gloriously arranged and takes you on a journey of dazzling musical ability. Horns and strings tenderly push the song forward, accompanied by Sam Beam’s wonderfully distinct vocals. The impressive lyrics alone will keep your ears firmly fixed on the track, not to mention the incredible sounds that go along with them.

Companion – Only

Companion is a project fronted by the sensational Pepi Ginsberg. Having gained the respect of critics with two wonderful solo albums, she is now embarking on a bold new chapter for her songwriting career with surprising results. The airy sounds of ‘Only’ provide an exciting listen that brightly shows off Ginsberg’s dynamic range of inspiration. Her distinctive voice sounds like a high-pitched version of tUnE-yArDs’ Merrill Garbus, and the gentle rumblings of drums and guitar compliment her tone perfectly. Produced with some help from the Jake Aron (Grizzly Bear, Yeasayer) and Nathan Sabatino, Companion is presenting a wholly unique experience that sounds utterly fresh and original.

EP Reviews

TOKiMONSTA ft. Kool Keith – The Force

Classically trained LA beatmaker Jennifer Lee, aka TOKiMONSTA, has crafted a name for herself over the last few years with a string of critically acclaimed releases on Flying Lotus’ Brainfeeder imprint, Ramp Recordings and Art Union. This long-awaited debut single, ‘The Force’ is an exciting, tribal-esc beat layered with deep bass swoops and thick textures that are faultless. The vocal addition comes curtsy of the prolific, game changing rapper, Kool Keith; whose name alone means something good is happening here. Lee’s ability to create such an electrifying sound, mixed with Keith’s skills on the microphone have resulted in this supreme, ‘in a league of its own’ track. Make sure you keep an ear out for TOKiMONSTA’s debut album scheduled for release later in the year. We can’t wait to hear more!

Dutch Uncles – Fester

Having recently signed to Breakaway Records, Manchester five-piece Dutch Uncles are on the brink of big-time success. In many ways, Alt-J’s sudden burst into the spotlight last year has helped a whole bunch of bands receive some well-deserved recognition. That could well be the case here…

Rainy Milo – Limey

London based singer songwriter Rainy Milo spent most of her youth craving to be surrounded by inspiring people. Her love of music and singing lead her on to a passion for Jazz-inspired Hip-Hop that would eventually become the foundations for her latest (might I add, free) mixtape, ‘Limey’. Right from the off you get the impression that this collection of tracks were written during a particularly bitter break-up, but despite the subject matter you can’t help becoming gripped by Milo’s extraordinary voice. At times she’s foul mouthed, but her sound is endearing. It’s hard not to relate to the things that she so delicately sings about, and you’re more than likely agree with her choice of words. Add to the striking vocals an impeccable soundtrack of beats and keys and you’ll be hooked. She’s a much welcomed addition to an already stellar collection of young, British-based R&B singers that are surely set for much bigger better things than the murky streets of Brixton.

This new single, ‘Fester’ taken from the bands soon-to-be-released fourth studio album ‘Out Of Touch In The Wild’ is a promising glimpse into the bands potential greatness. Overflowing with complex structures, it’s a skillfully put together track that will continue to surprise you on every listen. As each delicate lyric flows to the next, the song grows to a grand finale that will undoubtedly leave a lasting impression. If Foals met Hot Chip, and a record was born, this would likely be the result.

Alabama Shakes – Hold On

WHAT A VOICE! I mean WOW! Can you believe that beautiful sound is actually coming from someone’s face? And those riffs too. The punching drums, the crashing of cymbals, the deep rumbling bass. Christ it’s giving me the chills. If this isn’t a perfect song, then I don’t know what is. Turn up your speakers as loud as they will go, sit back and chill the fuck out. This one is a keeper!

By Robert Bramhill

Boxed Wine – Cheap Fun

Boxed Wine is a great name. It conjures up images of stumbling around a muddy field in a haze of excitement and booze-induced glee. Your favourite t-shirt stained with droplets of red liquid that resisted entering the corners of your mouth as you suckle on the nozzle of a bag, trying to find more poison. Festival season is just around the corner, and some of you will no doubt find yourself in this exact situation. You may have lost your friends and spent all of your cash, but it’s a love of music that has brought you here. More than likely you’ll unknowingly stagger into tent where a band is picking up their instruments, ready to perform for the eagerly awaiting crowd. The next halfand-hour of your life will flash by in a blur. But don’t worry. Because when you’re back in reality, trying to piece together the blur, a collection of songs will bring them all flooding back. Let’s just hope it is Boxed Wine’s Cheap Fun EP. That way you’ll be happy knowing that the band you accidentally saw provided you with the most fun you had all weekend.

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MUSIC NEWS

Album Reviews

Unknown Mortal Orchestra – II

If you had to sum up UMO’s sound in a word, it would be gentle. But don’t let that fool you. There’s more than enough content for you to get your teeth into. The band’s second album, ‘II’ is a neatly arranged collection of psychedelic Indie-esque tracks that sound like something straight out of the 60s. You can just imagine big glasses, bright colours and LSD induced visions of swimming animals. Which ironically is the feeling that arises when listening to the sublime, ‘Swim and Sleep (Like A Shark)’. There’s swishy chorus laden over much of the gritty guitars that appear to pan around your head like a bee in jar. The swirling motion at times can be a little overpowering, but it does happen to compliment their genre. But what exactly is UMO’s genre? It’s too obscure to be Pop, and not quite sleek enough to be Indie. They seem to be stuck in a limbo between the past and the present.

But as you delve further into the record you will discover a much more timid side to the Welshman. ‘Indian Summer’ holds a lovely sound that compliments Jones’ voice wonderfully. It really is the sound we all feel in love with so long ago. Throw in the brilliant string arrangements by the English film composer David Arnold, and it quickly becomes a guaranteed radio hit.

Goldie – The Alchemist: Best of 1992-2012

Whilst the album does have some clichés, mainly in the form of song structures and the occasionally weak lyric, ‘Graffiti On The Train’ is still a great listen. The songs are solid, and the production is second to none. But where the record really works is that it still feels like the same band from all those years ago. It’s not guilty pleasure in the slightest, and there’s something in there for everyone.

This new record from the prolific disc jockey entitled, ‘The Alchemist’ is a whopping four hours worth of music that spans across his entire career, with each disc representing the different stages of his music over the last 10 years.

Frightened Rabbit – Pedestrian Verse

There’s something truly astonishing about Frightened Rabbit. It’s not their incredible song writing, or their superb live performances. It’s the question of, why are they not massive? Unbeknownst to many people, in the shadow of the mainstream, this Scottish band has been releasing some of the finest Folk-inspired music in recent years. Whilst Mumford & Sons have been happy to hog the limelight and ride the wave of success, it’s encouraging to hear bands like Frightened Rabbit are making music that isn’t influenced by record sales and stadium performances.

The home production feel of the record certainly adds to the listening experience, as nothing feels totally perfect. Each one of the ten tracks takes you deeper into the bands strange, yet inviting persona and they make you feel relaxed. It’s a swirly, dreamlike transition from start to finish that lets you in to the unexpected world of the Unknown Mortal Orchestra.

Stereophonics – Graffiti On The Train

The Stereophonics have been a British Indie staple for well over 15 years. Their extensive career has seen them touch base with every corner of the globe, they’ve been though several line-up changes, but

their home-turf roots have not changed over time, and this can be felt with their eighth studio album ‘Graffiti On The Train’. The album is a powerful reminder of the impressive the songwriting abilities of frontman Kelly Jones are. His descriptive words on, ‘Catacomb’ vividly tell tales of sex, drugs and rock and roll, over a driving force of pure Rock music. The track has the full works, dirty soloing, punching drums and even some bad language.

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Their approach has been subtle, but people are starting to take note, and ‘Pedestrian Verse’ is a shinning example of how this band functions. There’s an air of maturity ringing throughout the record, storytelling of love and loss, but not in that cheesy, self-righteous way that we’ve become accustomed to hearing. It’s a tantalising mixture of majestic sounds, that when compiled together form a striking greatness that can only be matched by bands like The National and Arcade Fire. The rousing sound of, ‘Woodpile’ is one of the bands finest tracks. It’s layers of crunching drums and bright riffs are magnificent, and the mid-song, murky solo lines up perfectly towards an epic ending you’ll long to see live. In stark contrast, the quick paced, ‘Housing (In)’ starts off sounding more like a Cloud Nothings song about getting high, but instead it morphs into a synth-lead, Indie-pop delight you’d be happy to just leave on repeat. Frightened Rabbit have absolutely nothing to prove when it comes to their songwriting capability. They’ve got their sound nailed, and boy does it sound good. Their up and coming, worldwide tour (Australia in May) is something not to be missed.

He has been a Bond villain and reality TV star, a gangster in ‘Snatch’ and a cast member for EastEnders. But I think we can all agree that what Goldie is best known for, other than his sparkling teeth, is his DJing skills.

The first features a collection of his earlier work and sees the name of his Rufige Kru appearing on many of the tracks. This one disc alone is an essential mix that is simply the beginning to this listening experience. Disc two presents some of Goldie’s latest tracks and features guest vocals from the likes of Diane Charlemagne and Natalie Duncan, providing further proof that this brilliant British artist is a force to be reckoned with, even a decade after he appeared on the scene.

The third and final part of this trilogy is a fitting finale for the album and shows how creative Goldie has become over the years. There’s Drum & Bass remixes all over the show that give Ed Sheeran’s, ‘Lego House’ a filthy makeover, and a deep rework the unmatched sound of ‘Milk’ by the UK band Garbage. Goldie has given us a ‘Best Of’ record that is on the verge of epic. Old fans will be filled with fond memories, and new ones will have more than enough to get their teeth in to with this vast collection of music.

Keep up to date with all the latest Dance music with the BBMLive.com Dance Music Podcast mixed by So Called Scumbags. By Robert Bramhill

FUNNY NEWS En-dangerous Liaisons

When it comes to homosexuality, we consider ourselves quite an enlightened bunch here at BBM. In fact we’ve spent many nights researching the female-on-female aspect of gay love through informative sites like YouPorn and olderwomenseducecheerleaders.com. So we were shocked and appalled when we read that a bloke in Florida had been arrested simply for the crime of enjoying a bit of man-on-man love. Come on people seriously? Get with the times. Unfortunately, we then read the story again and realised he was actually arrested for some man-onmanatee action. Which is fair enough. Admittedly, there was no sexual malarkey involved it was just that manatees are an endangered animal in America and you’re not supposed to go near them, let alone touch them. So when Ryan William Waterman posted pictures on Facebook of him frolicking with a baby manatee, he was soon arrested on charges of harassing the animal.

A Couple Of Flat Whites To Go

After a night spent looking at porn on the Internet until 3am, there’s only two things guaranteed to wake up BBM the next morning. The first is a nice cup of coffee, the second is more porn. So hats off to three flirty females in Washington state who helped “rouse” the local workforce by combining both of BBM’s twin passions at their drive-thru coffee shop. Basically they offered to get their tits out for an extra bit of cash from customers. Admittedly, that sort of behaviour makes you wonder where they’re getting the milk from, but otherwise these boob-tastic baristas should surely be applauded for such an eye-popping entrepreneurial scheme.

The photos were taken at Taylor Creek, near Fort Pierce in southeast Florida in January. One showed Waterman lifting the baby manatee part way out of the water and hugging it. Others showed his two young daughters petting it, and one of them sitting on the animal – which, considering the average weight of Americans, we’re surprised the poor thing wasn’t crushed. “The calf also appeared to be experiencing manatee cold-stress syndrome, a condition that can lead to death in extreme cases,” said Dr. Thomas Reinert, a manatee biologist with the wildlife commission. “Taking the calf out of the water may have worsened its situation.”

Alas they weren’t. Instead they’ve been taken into custody by killjoy cops following a series of complaints from the public.

In a move which is sure to leave the average Frenchie crying into their beret and stripy shirt, Titan International’s Maurice Taylor, nicknamed “The Grizz” for his negotiating style, delivered a crushing summary of how some outsiders view France’s work ethic, accusing staff there of only working for three hours a day. Taylor was responding to a plea from the leftwing French industry minister who had hoped the American would rescue a factory set for closure.

“I told this to the French union workers to their faces. They told me that’s the French way! “Titan is going to buy a Chinese tyre company or an Indian one, pay less than one Euro per hour wage and ship all the tyres France needs. You can keep the so-called workers.”

“Indeed, our investigation uncovered exhibition and exposure, which is outside the confines of the law. During the investigation, video surveillance showed that at times coffee or drinks were not served, but shows were paid for and given.”

It all sounds spookily similar to the time BBM was fired from a drive-thru Hungry Jacks after being arrested for indecent exposure. We won’t go into detail, but we were young and horny, and got the wrong end of the stick when a woman said she was desperate for a whopper.

Frenchman were left choking on their frogs legs and crying “zut alors!” after the chief executive of an American multi-national used out-dated stereotypes to blast the country’s workforce.

“The French workforce gets paid high wages but works only three hours. They get one hour for breaks and lunch, talk for three and work for three,” Taylor wrote on February 8 in the letter in English to the minister, Arnaud Montebourg.

“Citizens complained that these locations served more than just coffee,” police lieutenant James Duffy said.

The three women, who worked at two different Grab-N-Go stands near the city of Everett’s main thoroughfare, were accused of exposing their bodies at the drive-thru window. “These stands are on a major road. They are in parking lots of businesses. Not like they are fully hidden from sight. We received many complaints,” added the cop.

French Fried Over Work Ethic

Taylor’s comments are the latest blow to France’s image after verbal attacks last year by Montebourg on firms seeking to shut ailing industrial sites prompted international mockery.

A Florida woman was arrested on a similar charge in the St. Petersburg area in November, after she was photographed riding a manatee. There are also rumours of a sex tape of Paris Hilton with a manatee after she mistook it for Cee Lo Green.

Combined with concerned over plans for a 75 per cent “millionaires tax”, Montebourg’s antics drove Gummidge-haired London Mayor Boris Johnson to claim France was being run by left-wing revolutionaries. When you’re being made to look foolish by Boris Johnson of all people, it’s probably time to take stock of your position.

For more funny news log on to www.bbmlive.com

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FUNNY NEWS Going Up Pierce Brosnan

Pierce is the daddy of all Irish celebs, seeing as he was James Bond. Long live 007!

Peter Griffin

Ok so he’s Irish American, but we love the Family Guy episode when his Irish dad stops Chris from pooing.

Affair All Mapped Out

A sly Russian git who was cheating on his fiancée has been rumbled after being photographed hugging his bit on the side on Moscow’s equivalent of Google Maps. Distraught Marina Voinova was searching for an address using Yandex Maps when she made the discovery. “When Sasha came home, I immediately called him to the computer and asked him to find that address in the map,” she told LifeNews.ru. “When the image loaded, Sasha’s face changed in colour. I looked in his eyes, waiting for an explanation.” If he’d had his wits about him he would have claimed he was selflessly trying to shield the woman from a meteor shower. “At first I regretted searching for that address on the internet,” said Marina. “But eventually I realised that it was silly to blame the web for my boyfriend’s unfaithfulness.” That’s right Marina, a more likely explanation is that you’re shit in bed.

Death At A Funeral

A thoughtful father from New York helped his mourning daughters keep down costs after conveniently dying on the way to his late wife’s wake, allowing his offspring to do an impromptu twofor-one funeral. Norman Hendrickson, 94, a retired assistant postmaster in an Albany suburb, had the good grace to stop breathing in the limousine on the way to a wake for wife Gwen. Quick-thinking funeral home staffers laid Hendrickson beside an urn containing his wife’s remains in a viewing room, while daughter Merrilyne posted a light-hearted sign for arriving mourners: “Surprise - it’s a Double-Header - Norman and Gwen Hendrickson - February 16, 2013.” Apparently Norman was a thrifty old bugger so would have enjoyed the money-saving aspect of the joint-service. At least that’s what his daughters said. We’re surprised they didn’t just dump the bodies in a skip and have done with it.

The Breast Of Intentions

In a move guaranteed to horrify feminist groups and dirty perverts like BBM alike, the US state of North Carolina is trying to pass a bill to make it illegal for women to show their tits. The proposed House Bill 34 would make it a felony to show the “nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the human female breast”. One of the main cheerleaders of the new proposal, and co-sponsor of the bill, is Republican representative Rayne Brown. “There are communities across this state, there’s local governments across this state, and also local law enforcement for whom this issue is really not a laughing matter,” he said. Well we’re certainly not laughing Rayne. If today you take away our tits, what’s stopping you banning cleavage tomorrow? We wouldn’t be able to get through the day without the prospect of seeing some boob action.

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Robert Sheehan

He’s bloody funny and should definitely be in more stuff. You may remember him from the first series of Misfits!

Andrea Corr

We don’t know what’s happened to the Corrs since the early 00’s, but she was fit.

Colin Farrell

His wig was so dodgy in Alexander, plus we watched some other film with him in, whilst a bit pissed and ended up having nightmares about giant eyebrows that you could see growing.

Bono

= Twat.

Louis Walsh

He’s responsible for so much bad music he must be punished. Although we’ll forgive him for Westlife’s Flying Without Wings.

Going Down

SPORTS NEWS claim that’s because of an inherent honesty in our game. However, a more likely explanation is that we just plain suck at anything in football that requires technical skill. Just ask Dennis Swales, the 27-yearold captain of a Sunday League Catholic Club in Hartlepool. For starters, he did his dive AFTER he’d just scored. Rookie error Dennis, we’re no experts, but referees very rarely award penalties or free kicks during post-goal celebrations. Secondly, Dennis’s dive was shit. So shit in fact, that he almost paralysed himself after breaking his neck. “In elation (after scoring) I ran towards the manager and out of the corner of my eye I saw a puddle,” said diving Dennis.

Bitten By The Golf Bug

Despite living in Australia for nearly five years, BBM has never been bitten by a venomous spider. Infact, the only time we’ve ever been bitten by anything in Australia is when Lara Bingle’s rottweilers chased us off her back garden after we broke a restraining order. And although we lost a significant amount of blood, we gained a pair of Lara’s knickers and a clothes peg. We call that success. And so we turn to someone else who has triumphed through adversity: lady golfer Daniela Holmqvist. The LPGA Tour rookie was taking part in prequalifying at the Australian Open when she felt a sharp pain in her lower leg while on the fourth hole. The Swede was doubled over in agony when caddies told her she had been bitten by a Black Widow, whose venom can kill an adult in under an hour.

“I did my Jurgen Klinsmann celebration, but instead of flying through the mud, I got my face stuck in the grass and my full body weight went through my neck. “I cracked two vertebrae and had four damaged discs which have had to be replaced with plastic ones.” Despite the severity of the injury, Dennis will walk again, thanks to an operation at the University Hospital of North Tee. However, his days of amateur football, and spectacularly screwing up goal celebrations, are over. “I’m devastated,” he said. “At 27 years old I am just hitting my prime. I was having the season of my life and that celebration took it all away from me.”

Which basically means we can expect to see a lot of old, balding Italians leering at the backpackers down Bondi next season. On the plus side, it’ll be nice for BBM to have some company down there.

Buddhist Leader Becomes Capital One With Everything

When it comes to celebrity fans, West Ham are saddled with Russell Brand, Lily Allen enjoys pretending she’s a Fulham supporter, and the head of the Referee’s Association has been a huge fan of Manchester United for years.

“A clear fluid came out. It wasn’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever done, but I had to get as much of it out of me as possible,” said Holmqvist, which is what a lot of very drunk women say the morning after they’ve slept with BBM.

Celebrating At Breakneck Speed

As any Italian will tell you, when it comes to diving, it’s not about how much contact was made or whether the foul was deliberate – it’s about how convincingly you can roll around the floor screaming in agony while your teammates theatrically tug at their shirts and open their mouths in a kind of Frog Chorus for the referee. But we Brits have never quite got the whole “diving” thing quite right. Some

You’re fooling no one Scott. Still, it seems BBM is a lone cynical voice in all this with the fans, club and player himself all delighted that the Italian star has agreed to get paid a small fortune to play for another season. In fact, del Piero is so thrilled with the beach lifestyle and A-League gravy train that he’s already talking to his silver-haired mates from the Mecca Bingo club in Turin about joining him out here. “For sure, in Italy, after I come here there’s a lot of interest – more than before. Some friends of mine call me, maybe also Tony [Pignata, chief executive], to look [around] and to understand,” he said.

At this stage BBM would have soiled ourselves, which is a good idea if you’re trying to shake a rottweiller off your leg, but probably not so good if you’ve just been bitten by one of the world’s most dangerous arachnids. Thankfully, Holmqvist is much calmer/ less incontinent than BBM and took a poo-free course of action – pulling a golf tee out of her pocket, gashing open her wound and squeezing out the poison.

Miraculously, Holmqvist then just carried on round the course and recorded a round of 74 at the Canberra Golf Club as medics shadowed her. What a woman. Sounds like BBM has found someone new to stalk.

spike in all of those areas,” tooted chairman Scott Barlow, wearing his dollar-sign-shaped contact lenses just to ram home the point. “But even more importantly, I think it’s the influence that Alessandro has around the club. The opportunity it provides to some of our younger players to train and play alongside Alessandro every day, we really value that side of it.”

Old Man Just Thankful To See Another Year

Alessandro del Piero will be 40 next year, he’s had hamstring injuries this year and were pretty sure we saw him buying a Stannah stairlift the other day. But Sydney FC couldn’t give a monkey’s about things like results, league position and eligibility for bus passes, because Del Piero means dollars – so they’ve signed him up for another season content with the knowledge that even though the rest of the side is shit, at least del Piero will increase the gate receipts. “Clearly, all the metrics are there. Crowd numbers, viewing numbers, etc, and the club has received a

But just like in the Carling Rumbelows Milk Vase Capital One Cup this season, Bradford City have once again pipped their Premier League opponents, this time in the coolest fan stakes, after receiving a letter of support from the Dalai Lama. The 14th Dalai Lama, Tensin Gyatso, has been a Bradford supporter since last June when fans’ group Friends of Bradford City made him their honorary president during a trip to Yorkshire. Since then City have enjoyed their best season in decades. The Dalai Lama has given the Bantams a boost by sending a message of support in the form of a short letter from the London-based Office of Tibet signed by his representative. continued on page 42...

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SPORTS NEWS “He is a gentleman of the highest caliber (or, if you must, calibre), and to watch him on the pitch – pacing like a lion, as weightless as an astronaut, is pure therapy. Robbie, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.” Pacing like a lion? Weightless as an astronaut? Robbie Keane? We’re guessing Morrissey hasn’t seen much football before. Imagine the album’s worth of bollocks he’d write if he ever saw Lionel Messi in action.

A Good Day To Bury A Career

“On behalf of His Holiness The Dalai Lama, may I offer you, and indeed the whole team of players for Bradford City, huge congratulations on your incredible success,” it says.

As any bitter Leeds fans will tell you (the few who have learnt to speak rather than grunt), it’s hard to admit when your glory days are over. So the cromagnon Neanderthals who live in caves around Elland Road should feel some sympathy for Jeanvion Yulu-Matondo – a 27-year-old former Club Brugge player who once scored against Juventus in the Champions League.

“If His Holiness’ blessing has helped in any way towards your wonderful efforts, I hope that blessing will continue to bring you good fortune.

Get Your Dukes Up – English Cricket Ball Bounces Into Australia

Legendary English cricket ball manufacturers Dukes have finally cracked the market down under with the iconic red ball challenging the current monopoly held by Aussie ball manufacturers Kookaburra. The ball appeared under the MCG lights in February at the conclusion of the Ryobi’s One Day Cup between Queensland and Victoria. The war of words between Dukes and their Australian counterparts surfaced as Kookaburra described Dukes product as too heavy with the threat of the ball damaging bats. The ball is being trialled to see if it can stand up to the rigours of Australian conditions with Michael Clarke’s men using the ball at their pre-ashes camp at Brisbane’s centre of excellence in preparation. With a roadshow conducted to uncover the key issues faced in grassroots cricket in Australia right at the top was the cost of cricket balls. With Kookaburra charging clubs $40 more than Dukes, maybe the oldest sports company in England have finally found a way in.

“He would hope that this tremendous achievement can be turned into an opportunity to help others, demonstrating the power of sport to bring happiness to others on and off the pitch. “He remembers his time in Yorkshire with great affection and wishes you every success in the big match.” Friends of Bradford City chairman Mark Neale said: “When I opened the letter and found it was from the Dalai Lama you could have knocked me down with a feather. “I have this vision of him sitting on a mountain listening for City’s results.” Which, to be honest, sounds a lot better than living in Bradford and listening for City’s results.

A Jumped Up Old-country Boy

More bad news for Robbie Keane. It’s bad enough he’s now plying his trade in America’s Major League Soccerball after Premier League managers finally realised his best position is back-up in case Jermaine Defoe gets injured. Now, just to rub salt in the wound, it’s also been discovered that’s he’s a distant relation to pop twat Morrissey. Does the humiliation never end? Apparently Mozza went to see Keane play for LA Galaxy last month, and the former Smiths frontman proved he’s lost none of his talent for talking bollocks after penning this little diatribe after the match. “It was a joyous head-storm to attend LA Galaxy -vClub Tijuana last night and to see captain Robbie Keane score in the fourth minute. Why, exactly? “Well, family tree aficionados will be aware that Robbie and I share the same Irish blood; his late grandfather (Thomas Nolan) being my own father’s cousin. In filial terms the Irish blood, English heart genetic between Robbie and I is evident – his chin is my chin, my chin is his. Robbie was raised on Captains Road (as was my mother) in Crumlin (Dublin), before he was shipped out to Tallaght.

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Alas, the former Belgian under-21 star has fallen on hard times of late, but he was recently thrown a lifeline by Bury. And while Gigg Lane may not exactly be the Stadio delle Alpi, it was still a shot at a fresh start in football and a rare chance for Bury fans to claim they had a genuine European star in their ranks. He signed non-contract terms with the club on a Monday. But by Tuesday, manager Kevin Blackwell had torn up the deal and sent him packing. Apparently Jeanvion was so poor in his first game at his new club – a reserve outing against Bolton – that Shakers boss Blackwell had already seen enough. “Yulu was a free agent; he was out of contract and had shown a little bit in training,” said Blackwell. “I signed him on non-contract terms with a view to looking at him in the reserves against Bolton, if he had shown something in that game, I might have been able to throw him on the bench … so he’s on the next flight to Brussels.” Never mind Shakers fans, we’ve heard good things about another trialist who’s on the market at the minute. He’s called Ali Dia and he used to play in the Premier League after being spotted by a keeneyed Graeme Souness. Apparently he’s related to George Weah…

UFC Cuts Not Over Yet

UFC boss Dana White has warned that the recent cuts which have seen 16 fighters laid-off to help slim line a bloated roster are far from over. Out of the fighters dropped it was undoubtedly Jon Fitch’s name which shocked fans of the sport, the welterweight contender deemed to be earning too much money relative to his current position will have to find a new job from Tuesday. With a brand new women’s division and a host of new fighters from strikeforce set to join, the number of fighters under contract with UFC is in excess of 450, according to White that’s far too many. Speaking after the UFC 157 pre-fight press conference he explained, “We have 470-something guys under contract, we have 100 guys too many on the roster right now. The blood has not all been spilled yet, there is more to come”. Fighters going through the motions are the direct targets of White’s ire, who delivered some simple advice to anyone scared of losing their contract. “Any guy out there, let me tell you what you better do—you better fight your f—king ass off and make it good and win, that’s the only way people want to see you.” By Richard Gadsby

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CRYSTAL BALLS

Horoscopes

Sagittarius

Maybe not this year and maybe not the next, but soon the words “And the winner for Best Actress goes to [insert your own name here for dramatic effect]” will take on a whole new meaning. Are you excited? You should be. Your chronic drug use, increasing debt and need to be loved is bringing the first of many AVN Awards ever closer to your grasp.

Aries

Toned abs. Check. Bulging biceps. Check. Huge shoulders, a neck like a randy bull. You betcha. The hours you’ve spent at that homoerotic outdoor beachside gym have turned your body into a sculpted ball of man-muscle fit for a prison shower block. Except for those chicken legs of yours. Fortune be yours, then, as a horrific car accident later this week will mean you can concentrate on your upper body for the rest of your days.

Capricorn

Following a breakout at the local zoo this week, you’re inadvertently rounded up and thrown in the proboscis monkeys exhibit. Luckily for you, the group’s alpha male is aging and suffers from a degraded libido. You’ll spend one week on display before the hilarious mishap is revealed to the entire nation on the six o’clock news.

Pisces

For years you’ve wondered if you’re a real-life Teen Wolf on account of your ability to hear high-pitched noises. This illusion is shattered this week when you discover you’re actually suffering from tinnitus. Fuck knows why you’re so hairy though.

Gemini

Remember Tom Hanks in Big? Wouldn’t that be so cool if that were to work in real life? Well after a long distance call to your family back home in which your mother insinuates that you’re an immature skankoid, you find a dilapidated coin-operated fortune telling machine and decide to make a wish to swap places with your mother. It doesn’t work, or course, but fortunately your friends capture the scene with their smart phone and upload the footage to YouTube for your mum to see.

Leo

Yo a playa. Yo all up in their grill. Yo got swag, dog. Dey all be jealous o’ yo ma brother. Flip it! Gangster-talk your way through the week and see how many people disown you.

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Cancer

You’ll awake in a sweaty mess later this week and feel the urge to get the fan from the other room, which for some reason you left there and not in your bedroom. Returning in the dark you stub your phantom toe on the side of the bed; luckily it doesn’t hurt because you don’t have feet and you’re hopping around on stumps. You’re alerted to a noise coming from the bathroom and, in a fit of panic, you assume it’s an armed robber and definitely not your girlfriend laying a midnight cable after being woken up by you fumbling around in the dark. Life in prison awaits.

Scorpio

Top bunk in the eight-bed dorm room isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, what with waking every night to the muffled groans and violent rocking from below caused by your drunken mate and his latest catch. You’re like a monkey stuck in a coconut tree during a storm. To increase your chances of bringing back someone of your own, try being better looking.

Libra

What with Earth’s recent close encounter with asteroids and meteorites it’s clear you’ve pissed off the big chief upstairs and it’s only a matter of time before he gets his aim right. Go in disguise by donning your skinny jeans, styling your hair into a greasy side-parting, and have your neck tattooed with a Latin phrase you don’t even understand. Head straight to a trendy café on your fixie bike and pretend you’re comfortable sitting on the milk crate seating. When Sky Monster realises you’re a hipster he’ll take you and the rest of them out in one swoop.

Virgo

Just because you’ve met a new bloke doesn’t mean you have to turn into a social recluse. It’s fine being loved up,

but don’t forget your mates. After all, who will you drink with after he drops you on your arse? And who’s gonna examine your piles when he does you up the arse? Here’s to friends!

Taurus

Roll up, roll up! Get set for the magical mystery tour of your life this month when you and your mates are persuaded onto an open-top sightseeing bus by a buck-toothed hermaphrodite called Derek. Instead of catching the wondrous sights of the eastern suburbs, however, your bus is going west. Take in the delights of Greystanes, Cabramatta and Mount Druitt, all whilst ducking for cover as rival bikie gangs the Comanhomos and Bandildos use your bus as target practice. Your lucky gang slogan is “Goonies never say die”.

Aquarius

The foulest stench is in the air and it’s emanating from your sweaty trouser giblets. It’s time to deodorise by dousing your matted tresses in bicarbonate of soda and a highly flammable liquid, say acetone or ethanol. Strike a match and say goodbye to pungent pubes forever.

ASK CRYSTAL & JOKES

Ask Crystal Dear Crystal, I’ve been wondering if you could give me any camera tips that I could pass on to my boyfriend. See, he loves taking photos of me at the beach – hundreds in fact - but they’re always really badly composed or poorlly taken. He’ll often place me to the side of the shot as if the background is more important; and I’ve lost count of the times he’s cut one side of my face out of the photo or not included me in the shot at all. I reckon it’s because he refuses to remove his sunglasses and can’t see the screen properly. What do you think? Sincerely, Laura Dear Laura, Sweet naïve child that you are, the one word that comes to mind is “megapixels”. What you think are badly composed photos of you are actually superbly composed photos of topless women in the background, sunning their oil-slathered bodies in the cancer-giving rays of the summer sun. Don’t believe me, just press zoom. You see, according to my patented perv-o-meter your boyfriend reads as one gold sovereign ring away from being the next Silvio Berlusconi, the

slick former Italian PM and horndog extraordinaire. And like all dog breeds, a horndog needs its balls snipped, lest it slathers its man-jam all over town like an ectoplasm scene from Ghostbusters. You could be lying topless next to him on the beach and your boyfriend’s shifty eyes would still be eyeing up the tits on the next towel over. So the next time your boyfriend asks you to say “cheese” try kicking him in the swingers instead to see if that improves his focus. Dear Crystal, It’s my boyfriend’s birthday next month and I’d really like to throw him a surprise picnic with all his friends in the park. Anyway, I’ve got all his mates on board, I’ve picked out the spot and I’ve got all the gear – the only problem now is the date. I just wondered if you could use your crystal ball to have a look at the weather around March 20th? It’d really help if I could guarantee a sunny day. Best, Ruthie Dear Ruthie, Do I look like Sian Lloyd? Piss off you annoying little control freak.

Dear Crystal, Being a handsome chap, I used to do some modelling back in Blighty and now I’ve been offered the chance to do some over here too. The problem is, I’ts for a porn mag. I am reallly tempted because I’m absolutely skint at the moment. I’m not that arsed about my mates finding out, but I’m worried what my girlfriend will say. I don’t want to lie to her, but I also could really do with the cash. How should I go about it? Yours, Ollie Dear Ollie, First of all, what are the chances of your girlfriend ever picking up a porn mag - let alone the one with you in it? If she’s as prudish as you say, you should be able to get away with a quick dong flash and no one will be any the wiser. Remember: what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. Plus, if you do get caught, you can just pass it off as a remarkable coincidence and remind her how lucky she is to be dating a guy who looks like someone good looking enough to feature in a wank mag.

Jokes Now the Pope has resigned he’s looking forward to kicking back and taking in a bit of footy in Switzerland. He’s off to follow Young Boys. Chuk, Cairns

My wife said ‘I’m fucking freezing, put another log on the fire’. Anyone else notice how shit stinks when it’s burning? Amy, Surry Hills

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend’s murder. Footprints. Graham, Bondi

Midgets don’t like being called midgets... But they really REALLY don’t like being called “people McNuggets” Joel, Darlinghurst

New evidence claims Pistorious was legless when committing the crime, but the court is still sure the athlete has no leg to stand on. Michael, Adelaide Before leaving for work this morning my wife asked me to wash the dog. The good news is he smells great. The bad news is he’s dead and the washing machine is fucked. Jamie, Fitzroy I remember being voted as having ‘the hottest ass’ in my year. I don’t know what’s more upsetting: How fat it has become or that I was home schooled. Aaron, Perth There’s as sign when you know that you’re masturbating too much. It’s on the door and says ‘Daddy’s Wanking Room’. Jack, Sydney I find it easier to abduct children from school sports days. Sometimes you can find them already in a sack. Daniel, Fremantle

A burglar broke into my house this morning startling me and I instinctively shot him dead. It was all a terrible mistake. I thought it was my wife. Tim, Brisbane “I threw a Spanish actor out of my pub today!” “Javier Bardem?” “No I just gave him his final warning” Ryan, Kings Cross

During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living. “My Dad runs the fire station. He’s the station officer.” Said Simon. “Very good Simon. Anyone else?” “My Dad runs the local prison,” piped up Billy. “Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?” I asked. “No Sir, he’s just the hardest cunt in there.” Phil, Jundaloop What do you call a man with no legs?... Fuck all...He might shoot you. James, Brunswick

Email us at competitions@bbmlive.com to get your jokes published and win prizes.

If you don’t like the horse meat burgers at Tesco you should try the meat balls, apparently they’re the dogs bollocks. Barry, St Kilda The Greek government is in such trouble they’ve halted production of hummus and taramasalata. Yes, it’s a double dip recession. Ross, Richmond At a job interview. “What would you say was your greatest weakness?” “Honesty.” “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” “I don’t give a fuck what you think.” Frank, Redfern My wife likes me to strangle her until she passes out during sex. I think. John, Northbridge

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TRAVEL NEW ZEALAND & FIJI

Things to do in New Zealand

SKYDIVING

Skydive Lake Wanaka Ltd 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com Nzone ‘The Ultimate Jump’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SkydivingNZ.com New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

RAFTING

RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz

JET BOATING Shotover Jet

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

Glacier Guiding Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

river boarding

Mad Dog RiverBoarding 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

ACCOMMODATION Christchurch

City Oasis 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Coker’s Backpackers 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS

Bay Adventurer Backpackers & Apartments 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

Kaikoura Adelphi Lodge Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Queenstown

auckland

Bungi Backpackers 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Nomads Auckland 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

Southern Laughter Lodge 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Nomads Queenstown 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

Franz Josef Glacier Chateau Franz 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Nomads Fat Camel 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.

wellington

Nomads Capital 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.

Glow Worm Cottages 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

Fiji ACCOMMODATION

THINGS TO DO

BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.com www.beachcomberfiji.com

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com

THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com

THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT * HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com

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NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

Skydiving

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

Scuba Diving

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING & WATERSPORTS Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

TRAVEL AUSTRALIA

Things to do in Australia Skydiving

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au SOUTHERN SKYDIVERS Busselton Regional Airport, Bussleton, WA Free: 1300 449 669 skydive@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au SKYDIVE BYRON BAY Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer! SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra, QLD, 4551 Ph: +61 7 5437 0211 Mob: +61 0418 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au/ SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351, Coffs Harbour, NSW, 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

Scuba Diving Australia

NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach, 230 Sugarloaf Rd, Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au

Adventure Tours

GOIN SOUTH Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg, SA, 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD, 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: 07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 08 8212 0211 info@surfandsun.com.au www.surfandsun.com.au KANGAROO ISLAND ADVENTURE TOURS Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.kiadventuretours.com.au MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING L4, 362 Kent St, Sydney, NSW, 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 , Yarra Glen, VIC, 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com.au

Kite Surfing

KITESURF 1770 IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

SURF SCHOOLS

GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURFT TOURS 55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 +61 3 5261 3730 info@gorsurftours.com.au www.gorsurftours.com.au GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com SURF SHACK Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au GO SURFING BYRON BAY Ph: 02 6685 7099 gosurfingbyronbay@gmail.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com LETS GO SURFING Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com Marine Charters ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au JET SKI SAFARIS Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au

PARADISE JET BOATING Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

Bike Riding Tours

ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

Zorb Balls

OZ BALL GOLD COAST Go Zorbing with Oz Ball. Ph: 07 5547 6300 info@ozball.com.au www.ozball.com.au

Wine and Beer Tours

PRIME MINI TOURS Melrose Park, SA, 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 info@primeminitours.com www.primeminitours.com

HIDDEN SECRET TOURS Melbourne CBD Ph: 03 9663 3358 tours@hiddensecrettours.com www.hiddensecretstours.com CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au BIG NIGHT OUT Surfers Paradise Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net FROG & TOAD BAR HOP Cairns Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 partyincairns@bigpond.com www.partyincairns.com

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ACCOMMODATION LISTINGS New South Wales Sydney

World Square Hostel 2/640 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (02) 9267 5616 worldsquarehostel.com.au Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au Oxford Court Accommodation Bondi Junction Mobile 0412547840 Cafesbs@bigpond.net.au Clean, affordable and friendly backpackers. Rooms for 1 to 4 people. Close to bus, train and shops. Rooms have TV, fridge, toaster, microwave, kitchenette, cutlery, crockery, sheets supplied. Laundry, internet and BBQ facilities. Prices range from $190 to $130 depending on the number of guests. The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off!

(Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9660 1731 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au

Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au

Sydney Northern Beaches

Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Sydneys Southern Beaches

Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

Katoomba

Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

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Byron Bay

Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

Nambucca Heads

Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 info@nambuccabackpackers.com.au www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

Lake Tabourie

Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

Queensland Brisbane

Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 reservations@tinbilly.com www.tinbilly.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

Goldcoast

Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au

Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com

ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT Cnr. Beach Road and Surfers Paradise Blvd Surfers Paradise QLD 4217 Ph: +61 7 5538 8000 Toll free: 1800 074 393

res@islander.com.au

www.islander.com.au/Backpackers Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au Surfers Paradise Backpackers rsrt Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

Noosa

Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com

Hervey Bay

Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770

(Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com

1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

Cairns

CAirns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com

Mission Beach

Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

Whitsundays

Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

Airlie Beach

Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au

cape tribulation

PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au

western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

COTTESLOE

monkey mia

rainbow beach

Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

Western Australia scarborough

ocean beach backpackers Cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com

Perth

Rainbow Lodge 150 Claisebrook Rd Perth, WA (Have just moved around the corner) Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA Accommodation

Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

Kununurra

Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

broome

Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

Victoria Mildura

redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

Halls Gap

Brambuk Backpackers Hostel

330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

Melbourne

Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street , Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

St. Kilda

Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 or 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au

Jackson. apartments@ bigpond.com Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq. com.au www.habitathq. com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20! FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply

Apollo Bay

Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.

Halls Gap

Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos

Northern Territory Darwin

Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

alice springs

Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

South Australia Adelaide

Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

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RECRUITMENT NEWS

Applying for your Permanent Visa in Australia Sometimes the thought of heading back to the cold and rainy old UK is just a bit too much to even consider after two sunsoaked years on the golden beaches of Australia. That’s why we thought we would explain just what you need to know about getting permanent residency, and understanding the visa points system, to give you a better chance of continuing to live the dream... Without extensive kissing up, have you been a good employee these past two years on your 457 visa? If so, you are almost at the end of the green and gold rainbow my friend. That’s right, permanent residency is within your grasp and as long as you behave it shall be yours. Put bluntly, trying to keep up with the changes that the Department of Immigration & Citizenship introduce is akin to trying to nail a jelly to a wall. Thankfully they have smoothed the path to permanent residency and narrowed it down to the Employer Nomination Scheme (subclass 186) and its redneck cousin, the Regional Sponsored Migration Scheme (subclass 187). The graduation from a 457 visa to permanent residency has also been simplified. Introducing... the Temporary Residence Transition stream. This is designed for 457 visa holders who are under 50, have worked the same position for at least the last two years and the employer wants to keep them permanently. If the role is not too soul destroying and as long as it is available for the next two years it remains your best ticket to gaining permanent residency. Now here is the ironic part; you have to possess proficient English, which should be a given if you hail from the motherland, yet you would be surprised how difficult grammar and punctuation is for some people when faced with the International English Language Testing Scheme. The small print also ensures a bit of equality as the terms and conditions must match those for an Australian citizen. Your employer must qualify too, notably that they pay you the ‘market rate’ or whatever they would pay you if you were a fair dinkum local. Finally there is the subclass 457 training benchmark that stipulates that they have spent 1% of payroll on training or 2% to an industry training fund. So that is the simplest route, as ever though there is an alternative; the Direct Entry stream. This is for applicants under 50 with a

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competent grasp of English who have not yet worked in Australia and have not held a 457 visa for at least the last two years. Basically those outside Australia and international students then. This method is also a little trickier, specifically as you must provide a skills assessment and have at least three years of relevant experience. Again, the employer is scrutinised but for this visa there is a bit more consideration. Firstly, the business must be actively and lawfully operating in Australia, which is kinda looking out for you actually. The position you opt for must be full-time, available for two years and on the new consolidated sponsored occupation list. Again, the employer must provide training and pay you the ‘market rate’.

The Points System Visa Subclass: If sponsored by a relative in a designated area or state or territory government = 10 points By a state or territory government with an occupation on the State/Territory Nominated Skilled Occupations List = 5 points Age: 18 to 24 and 33 to 39 = 25 points 25 to 32 = 30 points

Whichever visa you apply for there will be stringent checks when applying so be prepared to back up what you claim. Do not think that internships and unpaid employment count as work experience, they want to know what full-time work you did. The Department of Immigration & Citizenship are not mugs and when considering your employment history they will request proof in the form of letters from your employer with their letterhead, signature including the name and position of the person authorised to sign the reference itself and their direct contact number. The letter should detail the period of employment, specify whether permanent or temporary, full or part time, position/s held, the main five duties undertaken and the salary earned. You can also throw in tax returns, superannuation information, pay slips and employment contracts. If you have a relevant certificate or degree do send along a certified copy.

English Language Ability: Competent = 0 points Proficient (aka B grade) = 10 points Superior (aka A grade) = 20 points

Finally, there is the points system which does exactly what it says on the tin. This mainly applies to those who wish to apply via SkillSelect whereby certain criteria are awarded points, the more criteria you meet the better your chance of gaining permanent residency. By Omar Solimon

Australian Work Experience in last 10 years: 8 years+ = 20 points 5 years+ = 15 points 3 years+ = 10 points 1 year+ = 5 points Less than 1 year = 0 points

Australian Educational Qualification: At least two years of full-time study in Australia at an Australian institution relevant to your nominated occupation = 5 points (5 more if it was living in a regional or low population growth area) Qualifications: PhD = 20 points Recognised Bachelor degree = 15 points Recognised Trade qualification = 10 points Overseas Work Experience in last 10 years: 8 years+ = 15 points 5 years+ = 10 points 3 years+ = 5 points Less than 3 years = 0 points

Are you looking for staff? Are you looking for work?

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Crossword

Across:

Just to make sure you’ve read and digested the whole entire magazine, we’ve put together this crossword to put your knowledge to the test. Prove you’ve been paying attention with the clues provided...

1. The name of the longest river in Africa (4) 4. A famous lake in Kenya (6) 6. End of March, festival in Melbourne to make you laugh (6,8) 7. The colour of a D & B icon’s teeth (4) 9. A coastal town along the Great Ocean Road (7) 13. The festival happening in March to celebrate gay pride (5, 4)

Down 2. Go here for bacon and cabbage in Sydney on a Thursday night (4,1,4) 3. The name of the Irish singer touring Australia in March (6,7) 5. An endangered sea dwelling mammal in Australia (6) 7. A famous alcoholic Irish drink (8) 8. A Welsh band with a new album (13) 10. The Irish actor who played James Bond (6,7) 11. The featured sport at the festival in Noosa in March (7) 12. A popular Irish dish (5,4)

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Pub Quiz Knowledge

If you’re into pub quizzes then you’ll be pleased with this list of useless facts that you think you don’t need to know, as you’ll never know when that pointless bit of information you’ve retained will come in handy... At any given moment, there are more than 10 million cigarettes lit around the world.

There are 923 words in the English language that break the “I before E” rule. Only 44 words actually follow that rule.

With 21% of it’s population experiencing depression, France is the most depressed country in the world.

“Rugrats” in German are called “Hosenscheißer” which translates to “pants shitters.”

To maintain control of their groups, powerful male dolphins will occasionally rape the weaker males.

In Iowa, it is legal for an employer to fire a female employee for being too sexy.

Adult cats do not meow to communicate with each other. They only meow to communicate with humans and purr to those that they love.

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Someone who suffers from Misophonia will often be made angry by very small things - such as a person who eats or breathes too loudly.

If you were to watch all of the SAW movies, it would take you 666 minutes. A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time equivalent to 1/100th of a second. Both female and male pigeons produce “pigeon milk” which they use to feed their offspring. In 1983, after 5 years of being in existence, Apple became the fastest growing company in history. The collective term for a group of ravens is an “unkindness.”