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BBMLIVE.COM WORK & TRAVEL FREE #916 | Australia’s no.1 publication for Brits, Irish & Internationals

SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS SIDESHOWS

Splendour in the Grass is back this 2017 and with it comes some of the world’s best artists performing sideshows across the country...

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INTERVIEWS & OZ TOURS BEN PEARCE | RIVA STARR Splendour In The Grass Sideshows Sydney Comedy Festival Teaching in Australia Working Holidays in Australia Recruitment Tips Working Holiday Jobs

Expat Deals & Advice Best nights out in Sydney & Melbourne Karijini Travel Special European Sailing Special Global Travel Ideas

Sydney Comedy Fest Interview...

DANIEL SLOSS Page 6

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COMING UP IN SYDNEY

Australian Music Week – 1st-3rd November 2017 Coming to NSW this November, Australian Music Week (AMW) is a music, film, and entertainment industry conference event that takes place in the venues around Australia’s beautiful Cronulla Beach, 30 minutes south of Sydney.

The only event of its kind in NSW, AMW is designed for music lovers, artists, and industry professionals as a chance to hear the latest emerging talent, connect, network, and do business together.

Australian Music Week is open to all genres, with artist applications

available at australianmusicweek.com.

The Gold Conference Pass gains delegates access to all conference sessions, networking events, and live shows taking place 1st-3rd November. Gold conference passes are available at the special early bird price of $99 (inc. booking fee).

From the 1st of August, conference passes will revert to the full price of $129 (inc. booking fee).

Live Show Tickets gain ticket holders access to 120+ performances in all live venues on the evenings of November 2 and 3.

Live show tickets are $20 + bf for one night, $35 + bf for 2 nights.

All ticket types are available through presenting partner Oztix at australianmusicweek.oztix.com.au/

TOKYO DISCO – VIVID 2017 Off the back of a hugely successful 2016 installation, with events transporting you and your senses to another realm. The Argyle come Vivid, is synonymous with providing us with a real “Lights – Music – Party” experience, and oh do they deliver!

So what can we expect this year?

No passport is needed, as you’ll be transported to what The Argyle has dubbed in 2017 as “Tokyo Disco”.

What does that mean exactly you ask? Brace yourselves! No expense has been spared, as the entire Argyle complex will be transformed for what is set

to be the biggest installation and fit out to date. Think kitschy Japanese light shows, with OTT neon lights. Interactive roving performers, wandering amidst the luminous lanterns and classic cherry blossom gardens. You’ll indulge in mouth watering eats and if all of that makes you thirsty – fear not world class cocktails and drinks are on hand.

All the entertainment has been taken care of, with amazing live acts, musicians, DJ’s and performers secured to appear such as: Discovery (Daft Punk Tribute Show) Dj Crespo (Miami) Press Play Who Killed Mickey Tenzin Andy Murphy Jesabel plus more...

If that wasn’t enough, there’s actually way more to keep you busy! Throughout the week, partake in activities such as Silent Disco, Free Movies Under The Stars, Sake Sushi Masterclass or Free Karaoke. Plus not to be missed are the made for Vivid Weekly Cocktail and dinner specials.

Located right in the heart of the historical Rocks precinct, The Argyle is a must visit destination during Vivid!

Experience the unexpected and be delighted that you did! Now let’s Pātī shiyou (that’s Japanese for Let’s Party).

The Argyle, The Rocks, Sydney www.theargylerocks.com

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SPORTS

It’s pretty common to hear tennis players grunt and groan like PornHub wannabes during tough rallies – in fact it’s why most people turn up to Maria Sharapova’s matches – but for once it was the real thing that stopped play during an ATP Challenger Tour contest last month.

Cruz Crack Curse Riddle

Lions Have Roar Talent The British and Irish Lions must look to Abba for inspiration if they want to beat the All Blacks this winter - and although there is a Waterloo in New Zealand, that’s not what we’re on about.

To paraphrase Welsh hooker Ken Owens, the Lions need to “take a chance, take a chance, take a chance, chance, chance” whenever it’s presented to them on their tour. Apparently that was the big difference between Wales and the All Blacks when they played each other last year. That

and the fact the Kiwis are shitloads better than Wales.

“That’s one thing we learnt from the tour last year was they, in the first two games, created four or five opportunities and took them,” he said.

“And from a Welsh point of view we created probably as much if not more than them and didn’t take them.”

Just to recap, Wales lost the series 3-0 including a 46-6 spanking in the final Test.

So maybe “taking chances” wasn’t the only difference between the teams.

That said, he’s right about one thing - this is one of the strongest Lions teams

on record. So if they’re ever gonna beat the All Blacks in New Zealand, now’s the time.

“You look at the quality of player that’s in the squad it’s unbelievable,” said Owens.

“That’s one of the best squads assembled for a Lions tour for a long time.

I think a lot of the players who’ve missed out as well have been right at the top of their game for club and country and they haven’t made the tour.

“That’s how tough it’s been for the coaches to select the squad and we’ve got a massive opportunity now to go to New Zealand with confidence.”

In a story that sounds suspiciously like the plot of a Scooby Doo episode, Mexican club Cruz Azul believe their stadium is cursed and have called for an unusual form of help to solve the problem. And no it’s not a talking dog, his hippy mate and their three weirdly dressed friends.

Fed up with a lack of trophies, fans called a witch in order to ‘clean’ the bad luck covering the stadium and end the ‘evil spell’.

He Hit That Like A Rocket North Korea’s troubled ballistic missile researchers may want a word with the coaches at Aberdeen.

While Kim Jong-un’s minions struggle to fire a fireworks-night rocket from their own backyard over a neighbour’s hedge, some lad in the under-19s at the Scottish club has booted a ball so hard in training it ended up in Norway.

OK it didn’t quite reach Norway in one go, but it was still a Wilson-from-Castaway style journey for the travelling ball, after it went

American duo Frances Tiafoe and Mitchell Krueger were battling away in the second set at the Sarasota Open when Tiafoe stopped because of some, ahem, erotic noises. At first, people thought it was someone’s phone – but as it continued, it became apparent it wasn’t in the stadium at all –it was just two people bonking away in a nearby apartment. “It can’t be that good!’”

Tiafoe joked to the crowd at one point, while stifling an erection.

The witch, known as Zulema, visited the stadium, Estadio Azul, and used plants, holy water, black and white candles, a cow and a pig head to help cleanse the site. Either that or she was just having a barbecue.

“I was not paid for this, I only wanted to show that witchcraft exists,” said the oddball.

What’s the betting it’s just the stadium’s old groundskeeper who’s using an old monster costume to scare people away because he’s found a goldmine underneath the pitch?

And he would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that meddling witch. over a fence at Banks o’ Dee FC’s ground into the River Dee. It is thought to have been swept into the North Sea and drifted around the coast of Norway to the island of Vanna.

The ball was found by Nils Hugo, who told his friend Johnny Mikalsen of his discovery, who then tracked down the owners of the ball from the club’s name scrawled in pen on the side of it.

“Hi! You properly have one of the best long distance kickers in the world,” he wrote. “A friend of mine found a football with your club name on by the seaside. It has travelled quite a distance. We are located 1,800km (1,118 miles) north of Aberdeen.”

By Richard Gadsby

Quite a Racket at The Tennis

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DANIEL SLOSS

that upsets you, but just makes you think about it, it’s a great thing. Which is the same reason why I enjoy Bill Burr. I love Bill Burr. I don’t agree with a lot of what he says but I like the way his mind works. I think he’s one of the best.

Obviously, you’re doing loads of comedy festivals in Australia but you’re also doing Edinburgh. What do you look forward to at the Edinburgh festival?

I love Edinburgh because it’s my city. This year will be my eighth or ninth – I think it’s my ninth show at the Fringe this year and I’ve been going there since I was twelve years old to watch. I just like it because it’s where I live. I’ve been in the same venue for the past five years, the EICC. The whole thing is about playing at home for me. It gives me a chance to work out the show, the Edinburgh crowd are so great, my fan base.

So, it’s where I come up with new material that I’ll eventually tour and whatnot.

Finishing up his two month long Australia tour this May, you won’t want to miss the surly Scottish comedian’s dark sense of humour as he takes on the Sydney Comedy Festival.

So, Daniel, you’ve been doing quite a lot of stuff in America over the last year, haven’t you?

Yeah, we’re doing a couple more spots around the clubs, breaking into New York. I was here a couple of years ago, and doing the TV over there and stuff. Which is good.

It’s kind of like starting again but not really.

You know like start from the ground up, which would’ve been something I would’ve begrudged.

The last time we spoke, last year, you were working on a pilot with Warner Brothers. How’s that all going?

We pitched it and it didn’t get picked up. So basically, we’ve gone on to other ideas with them because Conan has always been very supportive. I never understand the politics of what’s going on. Just turn up to meetings and then try and talk, rein in my swearing and see what happens. But apparently, it all went well but not well enough.

Well, keep on trying. The Conan stuff, it looks like that’s going well.

Well, look, my heart belongs to standup anyway. Taking from other people’s reactions, I should be more upset about things. But, I mean, I’m in New York again, at the fucking Comedy Cellar all week, doing my own show in Soho and then I’m off to Australia for two months. It’s very hard to be miserable when that’s happening.

Exactly. Are you going to be adapting the Soho show at all for the Aussies?

No, fuck no. My comedy is universal. I’m really reluctant to change anything. That’s the whole thing about comedy. You think something’s funny in your head, you tell it on stage in Scotland and you’re like ‘oh, that’s good. It’s funny, yeah.’ And then you get to London, you do it all there and that’s fine. And then you do Europe and you’re like ‘oh, good it’s still funny.’ And then America and Australia. And me, I’m not a political person. So, it’s not local references.

I always say my comedy is relatable because it’s about how much of a c*nt I am, unfortunately. I’m a c*nt everywhere.

I saw you were saying it was themed around having dark thoughts. I want to ask you, what’s the darkest thought you’ve had this week?

Unprintable. Yeah, it’s hard. Yeah, the dark

thoughts, it’s just that nobody else is honest about what goes on in their fucking head.

People always assume that your thoughts portray intentions. They clearly don’t know the difference between fantasy and realism.

Like, I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to do anything that crosses my mind. But also, I’m not going to pretend that occasionally, shitty thoughts don’t cross my mind. And it’s about just getting people to admit that.

Because it doesn’t make you a bad person but we vilify people so quickly nowadays, where they’ve done little things, that I think we’re destroying honesty. Nobody’s pure of heart. Absolutely nobody is. And anyone who’s claiming to be pure of heart is probably the worst person on the fucking planet because they’re hiding shit.

You’ve been going to Australia for ages now.

Yes, since I was about 19.

So, have you got any favourite spots you like to hit up while you’re over there?

Just wherever my mates are. I love the Australian comedy scene so much just because the talent on it right now is phenomenal. Like, Demi Lardner, Nick Cody, Rhys Nicholson, Becky Lucas, Bart Freebairn… it’s just such a good comedy scene and they’re so fun to fucking hang out with. I’m not a tourist in any way, shape or form. I’ve been to New York twice, I’ve never seen the Statue of Liberty. Because if I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty, I’d fucking Google it. I know what it looks like.

I’ve never understood tourism. But what I do like about other places is the comedy clubs and the people there. That, to me, is what a place is. It’s not what surrounds it, it’s what inhabits it.

You did the Melbourne one last year, that was your first Melbourne, wasn’t it?

Yeah.

How was that?

It was great, really good. I’d wanted to do it for years and then to finally get to do it successfully, it was fucking great and I wanted to come back. I needed to give them a reason to want me back. Yeah, just genuinely thrilled to be back with a new show and break-up way more couples.

Who are your comedy heroes? Who made you want to be become a stand-up?

When I was younger, the person that made me want to get into stand-up was Bill Burr, who just loves the stand-up so much. I just thought he was really intelligent and incredibly silly. I like funny rants. I think comedy should be funny, but I also like when it makes you think. I like going to see a show when afterwards, you leave and you’re talking about what was on. If comedy challenges your opinion but not in a way

You obviously did so much touring last year, you’ve got loads coming up ahead of you. What do you miss the most from home, when you’re on the road?

Gene, my flatmate and best friend. But Gene, who I live with keeps me sane. And my parents, my Xbox. But fortunately, because you don’t have it so much, it’s hard to miss it, especially when we’re touring Europe and stuff, going to all these cool places. But if I’m on a European tour, it’s like every day you’re in a new city and saying, like, ‘oh my god, I’ll see you guys in a year’, then you go to the next city. And it’s just constant excitement. So, you really don’t get a chance too much to be homesick.

Where’s been the most interesting place you’ve been over the last year?

I’ve always loved Lithuania, Estonia was fucking sick, I went to Latvia for the first time and that was a fucking great gig.

They were a really cool crowd. Also, I love Croatia. The guys out in Croatia really look after us as well. We were in – what was the

name of the place? Zagreb. And I went to – there’s another place where we went, it was gorgeous – Rijeka in Croatia.

Because you’ve been going to Australia for so long, what’s the thing you love the most about it and the thing you hate the most about Australia?

The thing I love about it the most is it reminds me so much of the UK. I love touring Europe because you get to all these different, new places, people with different attitudes and different types of cities. I love America but the American people are very different to the Brits. They’re very positive – fuck it, I haven’t got time for that. Whereas I like Australia because it’s just like the UK. It’s the same sense of humour, it’s very hard to offend an Australian audience. They’ve got nothing wrong with the word c*nt. If you say c*nt in America, they’ll lose their mind.

Whereas they’ll have the same attitude, c*nt’s not a bad word. Everyone is a c*nt there. You’re either a good c*nt or a bad c*nt but there’s no debate about whether you’re a c*nt or not. Everyone is. The thing I hate about it most is the fucking weather.

I don’t like heat. I fucking hate the sun so much.

How Scottish of you!

Yeah. Nothing’s fun about the sun. You just lie there and you sweat and you stew and you’re uncomfortable and then your clothes smell. Anything above 26C, I’m not fucking interested in. That’s why Melbourne’s great because Melbourne keeps it sensible.

They’ll give you one day where it’s 27 C and the next day it’ll rain.

Daniel Sloss May Tour Dates

Friday 5th May – Perth Comedy Festival, Regal Theatre – www.perthcomedyfestival.com Saturday 6th May – Sydney Comedy Festival, Enmore Theatre –www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au or 02 9020 6966

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PICK OF THE FEST

LATE NIGHT SYDNEY

SYDNEY COMEDY FESTIVAL 17

SOLARDO

Sat 13th May - Chinese Laundry, Sydney chineselaundryclub.com.au

Now - 21st May 2017 Various Sydney venues, NSW www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au

SPEKTRUM PRESENTS JOSH BUTLER Sat 13th May – Burdekin Hotel, Sydney www.residentadvisor.net

PERTH COMEDY FESTIVAL 17

MOTIF PRESENTS: MOODMACHINE

Now - 21st May Various Perth Venues, WA perthcomedyfestival.com

Fri 19th May – Slyfox, Enmore www.residentadvisor.net

MANTRA COLLECTIVE WAREHOUSE – MCW012

VIVID SYDNEY

26th May - 17th June 2017 Sydney, NSW vividsydney.com

SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS FESTIVAL 21st - 23rd July 2017 Byron Bay, NSW splendourinthegrass.com

DASHVILLE COSMIC COUNTRY WEEKENDER 29th September - 1st October 2017 Hunter Valley, NSW www.dashville.com.au

AUSTRALIA MUSIC WEEK 1st-5th November 2017 australianmusicweek.com

STRAWBERRY FIELDS FESTIVAL 17th - 19th November 2017 Tocumwal, NSW www.strawberry-fields.com.au

Sat 20th May – Secret Inner West Warehouse TBA www.residentadvisor.net

VIVID LIVE GOODGOD SUPER CLUB – KARISMA & BEN FESTER

Sydney Film Festival From Wednesday 7th June to Sunday 18th June 2017, the 64th Sydney Film Festival brings the world’s best new films to town for 12 days and nights of inspiring and entertaining premieres, talks, parties, international director and actor guests and more.

Audiences will immerse themselves in 12 days of film, both world class features and stunning documentaries from the four corners of the globe and plucked from the most prestigious film festivals on the international circuit including Cannes, Sundance and Berlinale.

public program of free and ticketed talks and parties, focused on enriching the Festival experience. Over 150 festival guests including directors, actors and industry professionals will attend the Festival from around the world and Australia. The Festival takes place across Greater Sydney: at the State Theatre, Event Cinemas George Street, Dendy Opera Quays, Dendy Newtown, Skyline Drive-In Blacktown, Art Gallery of NSW, Hayden Orpheum Picture Palace Cremorne, Casula Powerhouse, the Festival Hub at Sydney Town Hall and SFF Outdoor Screen in Pitt Street Mall.

More than 250 films from all over the world will be screened alongside a

Wednesday 7th June-Sunday 18th June www.sff.org.au

Fri 26th May – The Studio, Sydney Opera House vividsydney.com

FRONT LEFT 1.0// FIRST BIRTHDAY Fri 26th May - Red Rattler Theatre, Marrickville www.meetyoufrontleft.com

VIVID SYDNEY

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Adrenaline in the City

Book your Bridgeclimb in advance at www.bridgeclimb.com Adrenaline is synonymous with Australia - be it in the form of swimming with sharks, avoiding saltwater crocs in the NT, or skydiving the beach, but you don’t often associate adrenaline activities with Sydney. That is, until you think about the prospect of scaling the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

A death defying 134 metres above the Harbour, you’ll be at the summit of the Bridge surrounded by panoramic views of

Sydney, impossible to see from anywhere else in the city. Having climbed the 1332 steps with your group of fellow climbers, the BridgeClimb team will ensure you have a decent photo op so you can prove to any doubters that you have in fact conquered one of the world’s largest bridges.

BridgeClimb Sydney hold climbs several times a day including dawn, afternoon, twilight and night time - meaning you can view the city from this unique perspective at whatever time of day you’re ready for an adrenaline rush.

EXPLORE THE SYDNEY OUTBACK

Get away from the hustle and bustle of Sydney for the day and transport yourselves back in time to what Sydney looked like prior to European settlers arriving on its shores.

With Sydney Outback you can be in the land that time forgot within 45 minutes as they take you to Ku-RingGai Chase National Park and the stunning Northern Beaches. Hop on board their 23 seat Mitsubishi Rosa tour bus and you’ll be catapulted to destinations so beautiful you didn’t think they could exist. Upon

reaching the exclusive Akuna Bay Marina in the heart of Ku-Ring-Gai you’ll climb aboard the Sydney Outback 52 Foot power catamaran.

With some ancient aboriginal rock art and other stunning parts of the National Park being inaccessible by road, taking to the waterways is your best chance to explore this lesser known Sydney park.

Where many tourists flock to the Blue Mountains, you’ll be able to get a deeper insight into Sydney’s aboriginal history with a trip to Ku-Ring-Gai as the Park holds the largest collection of Aboriginal artefacts in the entire world!

This tour has a real emphasis on Aboriginal culture, which really does make it stand out from other Sydney day tours out of the city. With Sydney Outback you’ll also get to enjoy panoramic views over Broken Bay, Lion Island, Palm Beach, Pittwater and the Central Coast. This tour also gives you the opportunity to experience an Aboriginal Welcome to Country ceremony and ochre painting on traditional lands. You’ll also find out more about the area’s swashbuckling past when it comes to shipwrecks, smugglers, pirates, escaped convicts and the Park’s important role in WWII. Sydney Outback provides tours with a difference. The educated, knowledgeable and friendly guides can help you discover more about what interests you the most in this region, and provide city hotel pick-ups, transfers and meals for your time in the Sydney Outback.

The Wilderness + Aboriginal Explorer + Cruise are $149 but you can claim 20% off by quoting bbmlive when booking directly online at www.sydneyoutback.com.au

Taking in the pink tint of the clouds as the sun rises is simply stunning at dawn as the city is waking up, or the hustle and bustle of the traffic, people, and boats below during the day will seem as if you’re looking down on a toy city. Come night time you can see the spectacular lights of Sydney as they twinkle in the distance.

Your BridgeClimb experience lasts around three hours from start to finish. Beginning at the Climb Base you’ll have a chance to go to the Visitor Centre and Cinema to find out more about the history, preservation and

celebration of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, before you embark on your climb.

Joined by a Climb Leader and no more than 14 in a group, you’re kitted out with all of the gear that you’ll need to stay safe while on the Bridge, so all you need is your sunglasses (depending on the time of day that is), a pair of comfortable shoes and a sense of adventure!

Book your climb at www.bridgeclimb.com

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WORKING HOLIDAY

After living in Thailand for several years, the seed planted in 30-yearold Samantha Robinson’s mind that a move to Australia was in her future. So she went back to the UK, worked for five months to save, then booked tickets with her then partner for an epic adventure Down Under. While she has since returned to her hometown of Scunthorpe, she shares with us her amazing, once in a lifetime experiences of living, working and making her way around Australia.

When did you make the move and how long did it take you to get set-up with a home and job?

We flew in March 2015, stayed in Perth for a week, then took a trip to Rottnest Island. When we returned to Perth we stayed with family for a couple of weeks.

One Saturday evening we found a job advertisement on Gumtree looking for a couple to work in the

Rottnest Island Bakery, we applied that night, were offered the job the next morning and moved to the island on the Monday. The job came with accommodation too.

How was obtaining your visa?

The visa was obtained directly online through the Australian Government website, it was easy and straightforward to complete.

We also had to go for chest x-rays in London as a visa requirement, due to living in Thailand for more than six months previously.

family I had worked for as an au pair in Broome. My highlights were the national parks, especially Karijini National Park and taking a hike up and around Kings Canyon, not far from Uluru.

What was the hardest thing about living in Australia?

Budgeting! After living in Asia where everything is relatively cheap, I found Australia quite expensive. I’m a bit of a foodie, so budgeting for meals was tricky, but I managed. I was lucky to get fed at the bakery, and then food and accommodation were provided for me when I was working as an au pair in Broome. We would often cook together in hostels, so we could bulk buy food for everyone to share.

Did you ever hope to stay in Australia permanently?

I always knew I would only be going for one year. It was a back packers dream, a once in a lifetime adventure! I was there for about ten months. My jobs included working at the bakery and volunteering as a firefighter on Rottnest Island. Then working as an au pair and babysitter in Broome during the day and as a bar attendant at night; with a few shifts at a local bed & breakfast as a cleaner too. I tried to get another job in Melbourne, but with only three months left of my visa, most families were looking for someone who could stay out longer, which is one reason why I came home when I did.

Have you travelled around Australia?

I travelled from Perth to Broome, then across to Darwin, down the centre, past Uluru, through Adelaide and then on to Melbourne. I also took a three week holiday to Brisbane and the Gold Coast with the beautiful

What was the best thing about moving to Australia?

The weather! It beats English weather any time.

And the worst?

The cost of living.

If you had to give anyone who is moving to Australia advice what would it be?

Take the time to travel around the country before deciding where to settle. It’s a big place and every state or territory is like a different country in itself!

What was the one thing you missed about home?

My friends and family.

What was the best thing about living in Australia?

The land, the national parks were stunning! I loved camping in the outback, swimming in lakes and waterfalls and hiking through the gorges. It was also amazing to see the land transition from lush greenery in the wine valley region in the south west to red rocks in Broome in the north, as well as dry desert in the centre and bustling beaches in the east.

by Sandy Dhaliwal

Samantha Robinson on Travelling and working her way around Australia on a Working Holiday Visa

What was your favourite way to spend your weekends?

Hitting the beach, it’s all about the coast in Australia. Also BBQ’s with friends, swimming in the sea and watching the surfers.

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MELBOURNE HAPPY HOURS a couple years of hard work spent running two labels: Discos Dead from 2013 until 2014 and now South London Analogue Material (S.L.A.M.), a platform for both his own releases and those of like-minded producers. Get ready as he is set to unleash his brand of noisy, industrial-leaning experimentation that his scorching live PA sets are famed for. Support comes from ACM, Andrew Till, Lateral and Bunker DJ’s.

Friday, 19th May 2017 platformone.com.au

SMALLTOWN WITH BEN PEARCE AT BROWN ALLEY

JOSH BUTLER AT REVOLVER UPSTAIRS Sitting strong at Beatport’s number one for four weeks in a row and counting with his absolute weapon ‘Call you back’, rising star Josh Butler is set to wow crowds this month when he makes his Revolver debut. The man behind “I got a feeling”, a hands down Revolver Anthem, will be joined by Olly Davis, Brian Fantana, Nick Nolen and Gav Whitehouse.

Friday, 12th May 2017 revolverupstairs.com.au

WHITE NOISE MUSIC PRESENTS: THANKYOU CITY (LIVE), SUNSHINE & MUSKA

AT NEW GUERNICA White Noise Music is bringing three of the most prominent Melbourne-based electronic performers to the main room at New Guernica. First up is the queen of house and disco herself, Sunshine (Team Sunshine Productions), followed by a New Guernica favourite, the brother DJ/producer duo Thankyou City, who will be performing live.

Rounding off the night will be the king of bush-techno Muska (Organic Audio).

Friday, 19th May 2017 newguernica.com.au

BUNKER PRESENTS ANSOME AT PLATFORM ONE A relatively new name in UK techno, he’s beginning to see the fruits of

To many, Ben Pearce’s name is synonymous with ‘What I Might Do’, his oddly anthemic deep-house debut that dominated club floors across the world in 2012. Whilst this is an easy correlation to make, those who have followed him since the beginning can testify that he is so much more than that. Don’t miss his headline slot where he promises to play across a wide range of musical genres.

Friday, 26th May 2017 brownalley.com

JET SET FRIDAYS AT BLUE DIAMOND CLUB Experience dazzling views at this stunning, penthouse cigar and cocktail lounge, with a chic Manhattan theme.

Kick off your weekend in style at their weekly laid back house night, featuring live saxophone and percussion, plus a happy hour between 4 and 9.

Every Friday with weekly alternating line ups bluediamondclub.com.au

BEER DELUXE Chase away the weekend blues with $5 pints on Mondays and $6 for selected lagers, ciders, wines, spirits and more on Tuesdays, until 1am.

29 Burwood Rd, Hawthorn www.beerdeluxe.com.au

BIMBO DELUXE This rooftop bar in Melbourne hosts nightly DJs, ludicrously cheap pizzas and more in Melbourne’s bargain food spot.

376 Brunswick St (Cnr Rose St), Fitzroy, Melbourne www.BimboDeluxe.com.au

BOHEMIAN BAR Take in the picturesque waterside views of The Yarra as you tuck into share platters of oysters, or choose from a stunning selection of tapas, as well as cocktail and wine deals, every day of the week between 3pm and 6pm.

35 Dukes Walk, South Wharf thebohemian.com.au

FERDYDURKE This hip hop themed art space is the perfect day drinking venue, with $16 Carlton jugs available all week from 12pm until 5pm. Hungry? Don’t miss the gourmet hot dogs and sliders.

239 Lonsdale St, Melbourne ferdydurke.com.au

GEM BAR Have a date night with a difference at this lively American BBQ joint. Get messy with half price tacos, wings and Texan fries and take advantage of the beer, cider and cocktail deals, between 4pm and 7pm, every Tuesday to Friday.

289 Wellington St, Collingwood thegembar.com.au

By Sandy Dhaliwal

MELBOURNE LISTINGS

www.bbmlive.com 13

DISCOVERY MELBOURNE RECOMMENDS: BERLIN BAR If you’re planning on a night out in the famous laneways, then you’re not going to want to miss the crème de la crème when it comes to the best that this fine city has to offer... But where to find such places, you might be wondering?

Especially as Melbourne’s most unique venues also tend to be their most inconspicuous too.

Yes, Australia’s culture capital sure does love its secret bars, and this one in particular would be fairly easy to pass by, should you not be too familiar with this labyrinth-like district.

But ring the blink-and-you’ll-missit looking bell, head through the equally as unassuming door and you will be awe-struck to find two completely contrasting realms, juxtaposed wonderfully next to each other and presiding on the first floor of Corrs Lane, close to Chinatown.

We are of course talking about the fantastically quirky concept of Berlin Bar, a timeless encapsulation of post-modern German culture – with its very own wall that divides the East and West; with plush booths and extravagant excess in one room, while war stricken grenade crates and general humbleness lives in the other.

While the venue attempts to create an ambience of something along the lines of opulence meets wartime misery; you will be pleased to know that those crates are surprisingly just as comfortable

when the other side of the wall, which offers plush leather booths and soft lighting, is full!

A selection of cocktails, ranging from the classic to the interesting, will educate and challenge the palate too. They are in themselves, worth the visit alone.

Try our personal favourite, the Frühschoppen, made up of mezcal, sauvignon blanc, dry vermouth, sage, juniper, grapefruit and bitters, served in a wine glass. It’s the least sweet thing on the list, which also includes a concoction mixing beetroot and white-chocolate and even a drink that incorporates roast duck.

There’s talent behind that bar, that is for sure! Undoubtedly, they are a dedicated team of bartenders who are serious about their craft; so you can always be assured of a decent tipple in here. Though, there’s always beer or wine, if you’re wanting something a little more familiar.

Overall, the space is small and cosy, perfect for first dates or to illustrate to out-of-town friends how cool and unique Melbourne’s hidden bars can be. With its industrial metal and dark corners, you’ll be in for an astounding night, whether you’re canoodling, plotting, masterminding or doing a bit of all three! www.berlinbar.com.au 16 Corrs Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000

WHAT’S ON AT

DISCOVERY TIGHT ASS TACOS

Tuesdays from 6pm get your free tacos until they are gone. Happy hour from 5pm in the Disco Bar.

FREE WINE & CHEESE

Meet fellow backpackers for some free wine and cheese at 7, 8 and 9pm in the Disco Bar and get acquainted with your new friends and surroundings each Wednesday.

LATE LATIN NIGHTS

Dance the evening away to samba, Latin funk and salsa with $3 Prosecco all night from 5pm on Thursdays.

FEEL GOOD THURSDAYS Get your exercise on Thursdays with a free sports class including Yoga, Zumba, martial arts, bootcamps, dance and more. Sign up at reception.

SHOOTERS NIGHT

Love a game of pool, don’t miss Shooters Night in the Disco Bar with $5 shots on the hour at 8,9 and 10pm every Friday.

SEDUCTIVE SATURDAY

Party the night away every Saturday from 7pm and dress to impress.

Includes drinking and party games in the Disco Bar.

By Sandy Dhaliwal, image courtesy of Berlin Bar

Experience the modesty and elegance of both East and West Berlin in one night!

14

RIVA STARR House legend, Riva Starr is touching down in Australia this May for a national tour bringing with him some new material as well as some dance floor fillers.

Hey Stefano, how are you doing today?

All good thanks.

Where are we speaking to you from?

I’m talking from the studio. I’m finishing a remix for Crosst​ own Rebels and some other new tracks of mine, a few collaborations. The one with Green Velvet and a few others.

You’ve got a host of shows lined up in Australia this May, how are you feeling about returning to Australia?

I’m really looking forward to coming back to Australia.

It’s been a while since I’ve been there. I’ve been touring Australia for a good few years now. I’ve got a lot of friends; some of my best friends are in Sydney. So, I’m really looking forward to spending some time with them, even though it’s going to be very fast because I have five shows in three days. But I’m really looking forward to meeting up with them because I haven’t seen them in a while and it’s always a lot of fun. They’re always very supportive.

Do you have any favourite spots you will be looking to re-visit from your previous trips down under?

I played Revolver before, in Chinese Laundry, obviously being some of [my] favourite spots in the country. But I’m really looking forward to playing these new spots as well and I’m coming back fully loaded with new stuff.

What are your favourite countries to perform in?

In terms of favourite countries, I pretty much like to play everywhere as long as the parties are good, and there’s pretty much good parties everywhere in the world. In Italy,

it’s my own country and I know how the vibe is. Even during the summer there are a lot of parties on the beach. People are always up for it. But I love to play in the UK, of course, and Ibiza. Even in Europe there are some amazing spots and the States now are really picking up with everything house music, tech house and techno. So, people are much more open to those kinds of sounds and it’s always good fun playing there. So, pretty much everywhere. Even in Asia there are some amazing spots where I’ve been having a lot of fun.

You definitely sounded a bit darker on your first track of the year ‘The Basement Shit’. Is this something we can expect to hear more off? Or are you just exercising your versatility?

The Basement Shit is definitely exploring my darker side, which I’m playing a lot more lately. But because I’m very eclectic in my production, I’m just alternating these darker EPs on this new label called Snatch RAW (which is a sublabel of Snatch), along with some big room stuff like my ‘Another Dimension’ EP which recently came out on Seth Troxler’s Play It Say it. So, I like to play both styles within my DJs sets and I love making that kind of stuff as well.

Speaking of your label, Snatch! what sort of releases can we expect to be hearing from it in 2017?

There’s so much good music planned for Snatch! over the next few months to after the summer already. I’m so excited about it. We recently had the new Groove Armada remix EP which features mixes from Andrea Oliva and Richy Ahmed. Obviously, the original EP went really well, which included my remix of Superstylin’ that went number one on Beatport for over a month. Now, we have a new release coming from Francisco Allendes, a new collaboration between me, Dennis Cruz and Gene Farris, some new stuff from Bret Gold, Ruben Mandolini and plenty of others. So, there’s definitely so much good music. Keep an eye on it.

You have a massive tour lined up for 2017, taking your set across the continents, do you have to adjust your sets depending on where you are in the world? Do you still have the same passion for DJing as you did when you first started?

My passion for DJing is intact. Actually, it’s even more now because I’m always very excited to play new music from myself, from the label and from friends. There’s always so much exciting music to test out.

Riva Starr Australia Tour Dates Friday 26th May - Geisha, Perth Saturday 27th May - Chinese Laundry, Sydney Saturday 27th May - Grand Hotel, Wollongong Sunday 28th May - Revolver Upstairs, Melbourne Sunday 28th May - Portsea Hotel, Portsea

BEN PEARCE What do you look for when you’re remixing a track?

Would you say you listen more to the components of a track rather than the track as a whole?

Definitely the components. It might be a synth line or a bit of the vocal. It’s usually quite instinctive but sometimes I can go back a few times and change my mind if initially I thought ‘no’.

So, Ascension is your new EP with the concept coming from millions of voices competiting for attention to be heard in today’s digital world - eventually moving into silence, that’s quite a complex inspiration do you feel as if we’re headed towards “Nothingness” as it were with the saturation of everything nowadays?

The silence is more a personal feeling. It can be quite lonely especially when you’re on tour, not feeling connected. It was something that I had written down for a long time and it defined itself more last summer. We’re headed towards somewhere, there’s so much music and it’s becoming so disposable at times it’s quite interesting to see what will be born out of this forward motion.

Ascension is also inspired by your personal experiences of the industry, how would you sum this up in three words?

Whirlwind, shadows, attrition...

Producer Ben Pearce is heading out to Australia, NZ and Indonesia for a string of shows at the end of the month. Here we find out a little more about what goes into his production and what he’s been working on.

Where are we chatting to you from today?

In London making my way to Heathrow for the first of three shows over the bank holiday.

What’s your week been like?

It’s been good, had some friends over for dinner and been in the studio.

So, we’re loving the new Rag n Bone remix - how did the collab come about?

Sometimes I know straight away when I get sent a track asking to be remixed if I want to do it or not. This was

From what I’ve heard it’s very cinematic compared with some of your older stuff - what was your thinking behind this?

I didn’t really go into it thinking what it will be but what it has allowed me to do is go into the studio with an idea of what I’m writing about. Before I was just going in to “make music” but now I have a complex story and theme to go with every EP so it helps to form some deeper ideas so I guess that’s why it’s took a more cinematic form.

Did you employ any new techniques whilst putting together the EP? I think I’m always learning, being self taught it’s a lot of trial and error. This feels like a tipping point in terms of the depth in my music. I guess techniques are coming together in harmony now rather than standing alone and being noticeable. I’ve been using a lot more distortion/saturation for example but often in fairly subtle ways.

You’re headed out to Indonesia, NZ and Australia late May/early June for a tour - what do you enjoy most about playing the Pacific arena?

Weather, people, food... I’ve always had so much fun in Aus. First time in Indonesia and NZ so that’s a lot to look forward to. Don’t think I’ve ever had a bad gig in that part of the world so it’s truly exciting when a tour is coming up.

We can imagine the Indonesia gig is going to be fairly blissful, will you have some time to chill before heading to NZ? If so what are you hoping to get up to in between shows?

I’ve got a few days yeah. I’m not sure, probably chill out and explore. Sample some local food as that’s a huge passion of mine. Maybe just find a nice spot and write some songs.

Where’s your favourite city to visit when you’re in Australia?

Ahhh that’s always tricky. Brisbane or Melbourne I guess, some of my best mates in Aus live in Brisbane so spending time there has always been great.

What do you miss the most about home when you’re on tour?

PlayStation... :O Which three producers do you personally rate?

Floating Points, Toro Y Moi, Mark Ronson What’s in store after Australia?

Back to Europe for a run of shows here, summer filling up and should be headed to a few festivals too.

Ben Pearce Tour Dates: May Friday 19th May: Jenja Jakarta, Indonesia Saturday 20th May: Jakarta, Indonesia Thursday 25th May: Barmuda, Queenstown, New Zealand Friday 26th May: Browne Alley, Melbourne, Australia Saturday 27th May: Mr Wolf, Canberra, Australia

June Thursday 1st June: Revolver (Fundraiser), Melbourne, Australia Friday 2nd June: The TBC Club, Brisbane, Australia Saturday 3rd June: Chinese Laundry, Sydney, Australia Sunday 4 June: Rhondas, Terrigal, Australia

Riva Starr Interview By Paraic Walker, Ben Pearce Interview by Hannah Shakir

one of those when I heard it, just a huge yes. He’s such an amazing artist, it was an honour.

www.bbmlive.com 15

SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS BONOBO

The sideshows you won’t want to miss...

Bonobo - also known as Simon Green returns to Australia on the heels of his sixth studio album. An incredibly talented producer, Bonobo’s melancholy, atmospheric sound is one not to be missed. Over the past few years, Bonobo has built up a loyal and varied fanbase through a myriad of tours, singles, remixes and production work for other artists. With over half a million album sales and over one hundred and fifty million streams on Spotify under his belt, you won’t want to miss a chance to see this guy in action.

Friday, 21st July - The Forum, Melbourne Saturday, 22nd July - Hordern Pavilion, Sydney Tuesday, 25th July - Metro City, Perth

Splendour in the Grass is back this 2017 and with it comes some of the world’s best artists performing sideshows across the country.

The festival which takes its title from the 1961 cult film about teenage love and exploring its passion and struggle, sees the world’s biggest stars land on Australian shores for one hell of a party. Although Splendour in the Grass takes place in Byron Bay, NSW each year, the sideshows travel to Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide and Perth - meaning you can still get a slice of the action if you’re not able to go to the festival. This year’s acts present somewhat of a noughties revival with heavyweights such as Queens of the Stoneage, LCD Soundsystem, Two Door Cinema Club and The XX all making an appearance at this year’s festival. However, they’ll be giving Banks, Stormzy and Royal Blood a run for their money. Here, we take a look at THE sideshows not to miss.

ÁSGEIR When you think of Icelandic musicians, many are quick to go straight to Bjork, but this guy has even outsold that kooky national treasure as well as Sigur Ros. Ásgeir’s 2012 acclaimed ‘Dýrð í dauðaþögn’ featured 10 tracks of supreme, soul-searching folk, written in his farmhouse bedroom featuring lyrics penned by his father, Einar Georg Einarsson – a retired school teacher and renowned poet. The album made him a phenomenon in his native land and he also won the 2012 ‘Album of the Year’ at the Icelandic Music Awards. The album sold so many copies that it is estimated one-tenth of the Icelandic population own a copy! Ásgeir in 2017 brings to Australia a brand new electronic album, ‘Afterglow’ filled with his gorgeous blend of soulsearching, multilayered electronic soul. Comparable to Bon Iver and James Blake, this guy is truly something special and one not to be missed.

Friday, 21st July - The Enmore Theatre, Sydney Monday, 24th July - The Forum Theatre, Melbourne Wednesday, 26th July - The Astor Theatre, Perth

ALSO PLAYING SPLENDOUR SIDESHOWS: These are just a handful of acts playing Splendour Sideshows in July this year. You can also see: LCD Soundsystem // Queens of the Stone Age // HAIM // Sigur Ros // Two Door Cinema Club // Father John Misty // Real Estate // Royal Blood // George Ezra // Stormzy // RL GRIME // Tove Lo // Rag ‘n’ Bone Man // Maggie Rogers // Bishop Briggs // The Lemon Twigs // LANY // Oh Wonder // Bag Raiders // Lil Yachty // Julien Baker.

For more information on tour dates and tickets visit secretsounds.com.au

BANKS Best known for single, ‘Beggin For Thread’, this LA girl has been on the scene since 2013 and has been described as a ‘magnetic writer with songs to obsess over’. Her musicality is evident through her lyrical prowess. BANKS will be bringing to Australia hits from her most recent album, The Altar, which debuted at no. 8 in the ARIA album charts and was triple J’s feature album on release. The album also features collaborations with Tim Anderson, SOHN, DJ Dahi, and Jenna Andrews, it was driven by Banks’ deep, insistent need for raw expression and solace.

Tuesday, 18th July - The Astor Theatre, Perth Sunday, 23rd July - The Enmore Theatre, Sydney Wednesday, 26th July - The Forum Theatre, Melbourne

CATFISH AND THE BOTTLEMEN One of the most exciting bands to come out of the UK in recent years, Catfish And The Bottlemen return to Australia with their highly anticipated follow up to their platinum debut album ‘The Balcony’. The Welsh band are best known for their hit singles ‘Soundcheck’ and ‘7’. Their critically acclaimed UK Number 1 album ‘The Ride’ sold an incredible 40,000 copies in its first week alone – now claiming gold status in the UK. Friday, 21st July - Festival Hall, Melbourne Sunday, 23rd July - Hordern Pavilion, Sydney

16

EXPAT SERVICES Changes to Australian Citizenship – The Facts You Need To Know Citizenship requirements for Australia are now tighter than ever, following recent changes announced by Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. The new regulations on 457 visas were announced on 20th April with immediate effect, impacting all permanent residents seeking citizenship.

If you submitted your application prior to 20th April 2017, your application will proceed as before.

The changes affect all applications received on or after this date.

The changes focus on length of residency, English language requirements, and values testing.

Years of Residence

Planning for a working holiday in Australia can be tough, and it’s often hard to know what you’ll want with you.

One thing’s for sure and that’s that you’ll be wanting to save money by taking some belongings with you so you don’t have to buy them when you get there, especially if you’re planning on sticking around in a city to work for a few months before hitting the road on your travels.

A lot of apartments in Sydney and Melbourne are often unfurnished meaning you could be facing the dilemma of working out where your nearest IKEA type shop is upon arrival, however you could ship smart and make sure you have your essentials ready via Seven Seas Worldwide’s MoveCube® for your arrival. This way, if you secure your accommodation ahead of arriving at your chosen destination you can unpack and get straight into the working aspect of your working holiday.

Similarly, you might have gone a bit mad on the shopping whilst you’ve been living in Australia and may have become rather attached to some of your new belongings.

If it’s time to head home or start your travels, then the MoveCube® is also a great way to pack everything up in one fell swoop and ship it on at one flat cost. This

means you can travel light with just your personal essentials - a great idea if you’re off to find yourself in the outback.

Seven Seas Worldwide’s MoveCube® service is a minifreight container that is designed to be carried on a trailer and parked outside of your house or apartment.

All you need to do is load your carefully packed items in strong, well-labelled boxes and wait for Seven Seas Worldwide to take it to your new address! It really is that simple.

The MoveCube® comes in three different sizes, for the minimalist, take a look at the small MoveCube® or if your belongings are for an apartment, perhaps check out the medium MoveCube®, but if you are a large family with heavy belongings, then the large MoveCube® will be more your style.

The mini-freight containers offered

by Seven Seas Worldwide are great because they’re extremely strong, safe and sturdy. Seven Seas Worldwide ensure you have a more friendly approach with the MoveCube®, so contact a member of the team today to find out more.

Alternatively, visit the MoveCube® section on the Seven Seas Worldwide website.

Visit www.sevenseasworldwide.com for more information.

English Language Requirements Citizenship applicants will take an English language exam with a pass mark of ‘Competent’, which is believed to require an

Values Testing

status, children’s education status, and tax payments. Communityfocused and volunteer work may also be submitted for consideration. The applicant’s background character will be assessed for anything deemed to deviate from Australian values, such as criminality or a history of familial violence.

This new test places a focus on determining the applicant’s adherence to Australian values, including equality, integration, and democracy, and takes the form of statements which the applicant will need to select correctly to show their understanding.

Reapplications

Integration

If you’ve been affected by these recent changes get in touch with an approved Registered Migration Agent via bbmlive.com/migration-agents/

Applicants will need to show integration into Australian society, such as personal employment

A maximum of three attempts will be permitted per applicant, and in the event of three failures, an applicant must wait at least two years before an additional attempt is made.

TAX WISE Tel : 08 9248 8124 Fax : 08 9463 6208 mairead@taxwiseaustralia.com.au PO Box 1874, Malaga 6944 www.taxwiseaustralia.com.au www.taxwise-australia.com

EXPRESS TAX Level 6, 155 Castlereagh St Sydney, NSW, 2000 1800 739 739 +61 (0) 2 9267 3200 www.expresstaxback.com.au

GREEN MIGRATION

Registered Migration Agent – 1464351 Little City Studio 118 Prospect Road, PROSPECT SA 5082 +61 8 417 837 973 zoe@greenmigration.com.au www.greenmigration.com.au

OPTIMA MIGRATION

Registered Migration Agent - 0532045 Subiaco Business Centre/ Suite 5, 531 Hay St Subiaco WA 6008 + 61 8 93808397 |M: 0409130865 lidia@optimamigration.com.au www.optimamigration.com.au

IMMIGRATION HELP CORPORATE OFFICE (AUSTRALIA)

181 Marion Road Richmond, Adelaide, SA 5033, Australia Phone: +61 8 8123 6039 | Fax: +61 8 7200 7536 Mobile No: + 61 0433303774 Email:contact@myimmigrationhelp.com www.myimmigrationhelp.com

TAXBACK.CO.UK Claim back your uk tax refund info@taxback.co.uk www.taxback.co.uk BACKPACKER TAX REFUNDS First Floor, 1A Morts Road Mortdale NSW 2223 +61 (0) 2 8065 5668 info@backpackertaxrefunds.com.au www.backpackertaxrefunds.com.au

MOVE MIGRATION PTY LTD

Registered Migration Agent MARN: 1382250 104/3 Eden Street North Sydney NSW 2060 Email: Eugene.Liu@movemigration.com.au Web: movemigration.com.au

CONTACT marketing@ what-media.com to advertise your services.

Shipping article by Michael Spicer at Seven Seas Worldwide

LIGHTENING THE LOAD FOR YOUR TRAVELS

The prerequisite years of residence requirement has increased from one to four years for citizenship applicants, and temporary visas are no longer considered to count toward the required permanent residence period. Citizenship applicants are permitted to have spent one year at most outside Australia during the residence period.

International English Language Test Score (IELTS) of 6. Specific exemptions apply for those under 16 or over 60 at the time of application, and those suffering from mental or physical conditions, which leave them incapable of completing the test.

www.bbmlive.com 17

18

RECRUITMENT. EMPLOYMENT. STUDY. MIGRATION.

New Country?

New Job? Mission Not So Impossible!

So, you have made the life changing decision to move to a different country. You have packed your bags, said your goodbyes, spent hours on the plane, shaken off the jetlag and now you are ready to start your job hunt.

Moving from South Africa to Sydney at the beginning of 2016, I experienced the surprises, challenges and differences a job hunt in a new country will throw at you. I quickly learned that I would need to be proactive and ‘on-the-ball’ if I wanted to be noticed in a new country.

Here are 5 of my top tips...

Make sure your LinkedIn profile is 100% up to date You have left your network of friends, family and colleagues behind. Sadly you are a newbie and you have to start from scratch building a new network in your new country. LinkedIn is definitely a step in the right direction and will help you build a personal brand and get you noticed by potential employers.

Keep detailed notes of the roles you have applied for Don’t get caught up in the

whirlwind of applications and end up having NO idea which role the employer / recruiter is referring to when you finally get that call back. Keep your phone close and your notes closer!

If you are not getting any response – pick up the phone and CALL CALL, CALL! It’s quite daunting writing a new resume in a new country.

What if the format is different?

What if you don’t add enough information? What if you add way too much information? The trick to overcome that fear is to swallow your pride, pick up the phone and CALL. Go to every interview you get invited to Even if you are incredibly nervous and you have no idea what to expect, take a deep breath and go to the interview. Every interview teaches you something new and you quickly learn the do’s and don’ts. My very first

experience in Australia was in car-wax sales, but hey – practice makes perfect!

Be confident in yourself and the skills you have learned in your country!

With a little bit of luck and a whole lot of faith, you might just find exactly what you are looking for.

Good luck with your job search and remember , a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

Article by Roche Dreyer, consultant, northern districts at people2people. Visit people2people.com.au to browse working holiday maker, temporary and permanent jobs in Australia.

CARPENTERS. ELECTRICIANS. CHEFS RECRUITERS. NURSES. SPONSORED JOBS Our clients are seeking professionals from overseas to fill a range of jobs across Australia. If you’re serious about staying in Australia and are seeking permanent employment or looking at skilled visas options, we want to hear from you.

If you’re coming to the end of your first or second year working holiday visa, or if you’re already in employment and are looking for a new sponsor please get in touch with our team asap. Our clients are looking for top talent and willing to sponsor for the right candidates.

Call 02 8005 8162 or email your CV to jobs@bbmlive.com

www.bbmlive.com 19

WWW.BBMLIVE.COM/JOBS

How To Interview For A Job In Australia After 15 years in the recruitment industry, I have interviewed thousands of people. Some of my suggestions are listed below. Whether you are interviewing in person or via Video / Skype these tips are relevant.

Research and Preparation •

•

• • • • • • •

Do some research on the company you are interviewing for – there is a wealth of information available online and research shows you are interested in the opportunity.

Find out about the company, brand, venue and the number of employees.

Any newsworthy items you can discuss with the interviewer?

Have some questions of your own prepared that you can ask the interviewer.

Identify how your background and experience fits with the opportunity on offer.

Know your own strengths, weaknesses and accomplishments. Be prepared to discuss these in detail.

Arrive 15 minutes early, never ever be late for an interview.

Ask who will be interviewing you and what you should prepare / bring with you to the interview.

Dress appropriately for the company culture and position you are interviewing for.

Don’t smoke before an interview.

Communication • •

•

• •

•

• • •

•

Interview Structure in Australia •

•

•

Some job interviews will begin with the interviewer describing the position and the organization to you. This will give you a chance to settle and get an insight into your interviewer and the organization.

Others will begin by asking you about your background and experience.

This means you will have to make an immediate impact and have the chance to sell yourself and your skills early in the process.

Be prepared for both situations.

CHANGES TO SKILLED MIGRATION The Australian Government has announced that there are changes to visa eligibility criteria for skilled migrants.

These changes have been effective as of 19th April 2017.

The Skilled Occupations List (SOL) is being replaced by the Medium and Long term Strategic Skills List (MLTSSL) The Consolidated Skills Occupation List is being replaced by the Short Term Skilled Occupation List (STSOL). 200 occupations have been removed for the time being from CSOL in creating STSOL. There is no separate STSOL list on the DIBP website as visa programmes that utilise this list can also access some additional occupations on the MLTSSL. For ease of reference, we

Make sure that the language you use is respectful and polite at all times.

Be enthusiastic and make a positive first impression. The first five minutes are really important! Be friendly and polite to other staff you meet along the way (in the lift, at reception).

Make sure there is two-way conversation but don’t interrupt your interviewer. Avoid giving too much information and unnecessary detail.

Remember there is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant.

Be positive about your current / previous positions, companies, employers and ex colleagues.

Making negative comments about previous employers comes across badly and implies that you don’t take responsibility for your actions.

Make sure you know your own resume.

This might sound ridiculous but not knowing the dates you were employed does not leave a good impression.

Smile! Try not to slouch or fold your arms – keep still and look your interviewer in the eye.

Don’t over share personal details.

Keep the conversation relevant and professional.

If it’s not clear at the end of the interview it is fine to ask the interviewer what the next steps in the process will be – this demonstrates your interest in the role.

Non-native-English speakers may feel nervous about speaking English during a job interview. Before the interview, practice with native English speakers, preferably Australians, and ask for feedback.

Technology (for Skype / Video Interviews) •

•

Check your technology, background noise and feedback levels. Ensure the area surrounding you is neat and tidy and free of distractions (dogs, children etc).

Speak clearly and remember there is often a time lag between the image and audio. We recommend that if you are using a mobile device you sit in one spot – walking around can make

TSS MIGRATION / TSS RECRUITMENT LEVEL 3, 7 HOWARD ST, RICHMOND, VICTORIA / +6103 9421 1020 WWW.TSSMIGRATION.COM.AU / WWW.TSSRECRUITMENT.COM.AU

•

your image jumpy and distorted. A stationary device is preferable.

Dress appropriately even if you are using Skype / Video.

Practice makes perfect - an interview may be a formal situation or an informal meeting but it is always a social interaction. Stay professional even if the situation is very informal. Being professional and relaxed at interview will generally show more of your personality. Interview experience will refine

your technique and each one will be easier than the one before.

If you are not successful in getting the job you can always ask for feedback, which can assist you in your next interview.

Find out more about hospitality and sponsored jobs in Australia via

www.tssrecruitment.com.au Article by Maryke Wylde at TSS Recruitment

have combined both the STSOL and the eligible MLTSSL occupations together.

You must nominate an occupation on this Combined list of eligible skilled occupations if you are applying for any of the below: • • •

• •

Employer Nominated Scheme (subclass 186) – Direct Entry Stream Skilled Nominated visa (subclass 190) Skilled Regional (Provisional) visa (subclass 489) - if nominated by a State or Territory Government Temporary Work (Skilled) visa (subclass 457) Training visa (subclass 407)​​​​

Please refer to the Department of Immigration for the list of occupations which have been removed.

State sponsored lists from the (Combined list of eligible skilled occupations) have yet to be announced.

The Australian Gove rnment also announced the abolition of the 457 visa. However, this will be replaced with two new visa streams: 1. Short Term - a two-year visa stream with a

list of occupations which will be reduced by 200 occupations with no path to future permanent residency 2. Medium Term: a four-year visa for higher skilled and strategic jobs with significant new restrictions and a much reduced occupation list.

These new rules will not affect current 457 visa holders and it is expected that the new restrictions will come into effect after 1st July 2017 to allow time for transition.

For more information please check here: www.border.gov.au/Trav/Work/457abolition-replacement Want to know more about applying for a 457 Visa Sponsorship. Speak to one of our Registered Migration Agents. Get in touch with us at: enquiries@my-oe.com or visit

www.overseas-emigration.co.uk

20

Registered Nurse Jobs In Sydney

WHAT’S THE PAY LIKE WHEN YOU’RE AN AGENCY NURSE If you’re considering nursing in Australia then better hours and better pay may well be on the table for you.

When it comes to Agency nursing jobs in Australia you can easily fit work around your life, meaning you can work on and off whilst travelling - perfect for nurses on a Working Holiday Visa.

If you’re a registered nurse who is looking to work in Sydney then you’ll want to be sure that there is work available for you when you arrive, or if you’re already here, then you’ll need to know where to look to find a job.

• Disability and Rehabilitation • Medical Practice • Mental Health • Surgical • Paediatrics • There are also a number of opportunities available for qualified midwives.

So what are the perks of Agency Nursing in Australia?

Well, as we previously mentioned, you’re likely to earn more per hour then you would elsewhere in the world. At Australian Nursing Agency we pay casual nurses $35.63 per hour, whereas nurses on permanent contracts receive $28.50 per hour. So it’s clear to see where the profit lies.

The good news is that there are lots of nursing opportunities available in Sydney and across Australia.

Registered nurses and other jobs across the healthcare profession are currently in high demand in Australia due to a national skills shortage.

Moving to Sydney Although there are openings in many parts of Australia, including some remote and regional areas, most overseas nurses will end up in the busy major city hospitals, with Sydney being a particular hub for the expat community. Due to its size there are numerous opportunities available for qualified nurses – there are a multitude of recruitment websites where specific vacancies are advertised or you may find it beneficial to sign up with a nursing agency who specialise in recruiting healthcare staff from overseas. Agencies and employers may also be able to help with gaining your visa for entry into Australia – as qualified nurses are seen as a priority occupation it should be a fairly straightforward process.

Australian Nursing Agency understand that nursing is hard work and can be deeply challenging, so why should you work for peanuts?

The government, having created new jobs and built new hospitals to cope with the demand of a growing population, have been recruiting home-grown staff; however they are now looking elsewhere in the world to fill these positions to ensure that the required skills are met.

If you have qualified as a nurse in the UK, your skills should be transferable to a nursing job in Australia. In Sydney in particular there are openings for various positions across the healthcare spectrum.

Priority occupations include Registered Nurses in the following specialist areas: • Aged Care • Child and Family Health • Community Health • Critical Care and Emergency

Adding another string to your bow If you’ve decided to have a stint of nursing in Australia then you’ll be pleased to know there are many, many job opportunities. Whether you choose to seek nursing jobs in Melbourne, or

wish to go to more remote areas, you’ll find a brand new challenge to add to your CV. If you nurse in a remote or regional area of Australia you may even come across things you’ve never seen before, so keep an open mind when it comes to finding nursing jobs in Australia.

Nursing Salaries in Australia Australia offers some of the highest pay when it comes to nursing jobs, so you’re well equipped to be rewarded for your hard work and save up for your travels whilst nursing in Australia.

Depending on what kind of nurse you are the pay can vary. For example, surgical and general nurses receive the same pay and this only alters if you have a specialist discipline such as being a clinical nurse. Emergency nurses only receive higher pay if you hold further qualifications in Emergency Nursing.

Midwives are paid differently, however midwives will always be put on a contract as three month’s full time supervision must be carried out upon starting a midwife job in Australia.

If you’ve got questions about nursing in Australia speak to one of the team today at recruitment@australiannursingagency.com

Working Holidays For Nurses Fancy dipping your toes in first to see if nursing in Australia is for you? Why not try out one of our working holiday packages for nurses?

Find out more about nursing jobs in Sydney by getting in touch today at info@bowerhealthcare.com.au

www.bowerhealthcare.com.au info@bowerhealthcare.com.au Nursing Under-Grads (Assistants in Nursing) Bower Healthcare is selectively seeking experienced nursing students (year 2 +) for work as Assistants in Nursing in acute general and specialty areas in hospitals around Sydney’s north. As a preferred supplier to NSW Health Local Health Districts, we are recruiting in preparation for an expected upturn in requests.

Essential Requirements: Must have a current work visa, or work rights in Australia, 100% compliance with the NSW Health Department’s immunisation policy, Must be nursing undergraduates, 2nd year onwards (no Cert III applicants will be considered), NSW Working with Children Check (paid employee version) and National Police Check.

Need to live within easy travelling distance of the hospitals (to fulfil last minute booking requests).

Got a question?

Registered Nurse Dementia Specific Care Home (North Sydney) Set in its own grounds in a leafy northern Sydney suburb, this brand new unit opens next month and Bower Healthcare has been provided the opportunity to assist with staffing shortfalls. The 57 bed residence provides care for residents with low to high range dementia, living in shared units serviced by a regular team of support staff.

The Registered Nurse oversees the support and care provided to residents, assisting with clinical needs where needed but mainly coaching and encouraging the staff to utilise their skills to the best of their abilities.

The Unit manager is on site during office hours between Monday to Friday.

Shifts range across mornings, PM’s and night duties. Because of the specialist nature of the work and the autonomy afforded to the RN in charge, only those that have regular availability and can attend an on-site induction can be considered.

Hospital Orderlies Salary: $24 to $40 Hourly Rate We are seeking a number of experienced staff to work as orderlies in various general (surgical, medical, aged care) and specialty (mental health, OT, ED, ICU, etc) areas in public hospitals in Sydney’s east and southwest. We can offer an immediate start with shifts booked 2-3 weeks in advance, as well as on an ad hoc basis.

Essential Requirements: Regular, on-going work for reliable performers.

Many shifts available, including weekends Advanced roster, in addition to day-to-day bookings.

Must have current work rights in Australia Preference given to those with full-time equivalent availability.

100% compliance with the NSW Health Department’s immunisation policy.

Must posses more than 6 months relevant experience from here or overseas (as an orderly, AIN or PCA).

Recent, professional local references Current criminal record and working with children checks.

Please note that if you do not satisfy all of the above requirements but still apply, you will not receive a return response.

Do you qualify for our Australian Working Holiday Visa Package?

To qualify for a Bower Healthcare working holiday package you must either be eligible for an Australian Working Holiday Visa and meet the following employment requirements: • You must qualify for an Australian Working Holiday Visa or other relevant work visa for Australia.

• You must either be a registered nurse and possess a minimum 12 months postgraduate clinical experience • Or be an experienced healthcare worker, eligible for work as an Assistant in Nursing or Community Support Worker Registered Nurses must possess provisional approval for registration with AHPRA • Click here for full details on our candidate requirements and working for us Our Working Holiday Packages combine everything you need to get started in Australia including accommodation and your all-important Tax File Number as well as some great tours to get you in the mood for your working holiday in Australia.

www.bowerhealthcare.com.au

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22

Teach In Australia Had a taste of life in Australia on a working holiday and looking for something more? For qualified teachers swapping grey skies to sunny ones is just a stone’s throw away thanks to Smart Teachers.

If you’ve got your PGCE and a degree equating to four years higher education study in total - then a teaching job in

Australia is well within your grasp.

Smart Teachers is a recruitment agency that works to place teachers at schools in Australia. Smart Teachers can find you work in your preferred state of Australia on a permanent and long term contract meaning you can settle into your new life in Australia with ease.

You may or may not be aware of the schooling system in Australia so here’s a couple of facts to fill you in: •

School fees vary from state to state

• •

•

Schooling runs from Kindergarten (“kindy”)/ Preparatory right up to Year 12.

The school year generally runs from late January/early February to December - meaning the long summer holiday is over Christmas.

Schools in Australia are split into Catholic (private), State and Independent schools.

recruitment team can also assist with CV writing and interviewing techniques to help maximise your chance of securing a teaching job in Australia.

With Smart Teaching you can expect a free service for teaching professionals, your own, dedicated consultant to liaise with, access to their extensive network, and hopefully a fantastic new teaching career in Australia.

Smart Teachers have an established network through the non-government sector which ensures that teachers on their books are alerted to relevant jobs quickly. Their

Find out more about teaching in Australia at smartteachers.com.au

bonus: it gets you off the hook if you make typos (i.e. you can blame autocorrect!).

colleagues that you don’t care. A simple “Congratulations!”, “Good job!”, or “Good work team” can do the trick.

RECRUITMENT TIPS

7 Tips and Tricks to Appear Smart in Emails

Knowing how to properly reply to emails is something that everyone — no matter what their job or position is — should learn how to do. But there’s something even more important to master - how to appear smart in emails. This doesn’t just mean having a good grasp of spelling, grammar, and punctuation; it also means using tips and tricks that make you sound highly intelligent to your manager, clients, and colleagues.

Here are several ideas you can use:

1. Reply to your manager ASAP

You might not be able to reply to every email that comes your way but, if it’s from your manager, you need to respond as soon

as you can. Doing this shows them that you’re paying attention and that you value their input.

2. Harness the power of brackets

You probably already know that your email subject should be brief and concise. But there’s another way to make it even better: using brackets to clarify exactly what your email is all about. Consider these: “[GREAT NEWS] We closed the deal with the VIP client!” or “[CONFIDENTIAL] Don’t show this to anybody”. These subjects highlight the content of your email while grabbing the attention of the recipient and ensuring your message gets read.

3. Summarize your message

You’ve probably seen the acronym TL;DR (too long, don’t read) floating around the Internet. Why not use it in your emails?

Write everything that you need to say to the recipient; once you’re done, scroll up to the top of the page, type “TL;DR”, then proceed to give a summary of your content.

This way, those who don’t have the time to read your entire email will still know what it’s about at just a glance.

4. Add a “sent from my phone” signature

Your phone probably automatically adds this signature, but it’s worth checking that it does or even add it to your usual email signature. Highlighting the fact that you’re emailing from your mobile device is important since it lets people know that you’re on the go and are not in the position to type out lengthy replies. An added

5. Create an out-of-office responder

7. Share your thoughts

6. Be the first to respond to good news

These are just some of the tips and tricks to come across as smart and intelligent in emails. Use them today and see how they can improve your reputation and even your job prospects!

If you’re planning to go on a vacation or take sick leave for a medical procedure, set up an out-of-office responder for your email before you leave. This way, those who email you while you’re out of the office will be automatically informed that you can’t respond to them immediately. Even better: add the contact details of your manager or any colleague who can answer enquiries on your behalf.

Like many people, you probably ignore emails that are not urgent and/or not workrelated. However, it’s actually not a good practice since it gives the impression to your

Don’t just respond to the emails that other people send to you. If you have a great idea on how to increase company revenues or beat competitors, share it with everyone in your team ASAP. Doing this shows that you’re proactive about helping the company achieve success and makes you appear smart in the process.

For all the latest working holiday jobs, temp jobs and permanent positions visit bbmlive.com/jobs

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WHITEHAVEN BEACH AND HILL INLET TOURS Spending some time in Airlie Beach? You’ll want to explore the highlights of the Whitsundays and Great Barrier Reef then.

The gateway to these world famous attractions, it can be hard to choose just what to see of the Whitsundays and incredible marine life. With Ocean Rafting tours departing from Airlie Beach, you’re able to visit three of the top destinations in half a day including the world’s most pristine beach Whitehaven Beach, Hill Inlet and Lookout and the gorgeous reefs.

Climbing on board their semi rigid vessels you’ll be transported to the “Wild Side” of the Whitsunday Islands to explore the natural beauty in abundance. On board an Ocean Rafting tour you will gain direct access to the incredibly stunning, Hill Inlet beach whilst on the Whitehaven Beach tour visiting special snorkelling sites at Hook Island and Border island making for a memorable experience.

Ocean Rafting operate two tours - The Northern Exposure and the Southern Lights tour. The difference between the two being that the Northern Exposure tour offers more snorkelling time and

the Southern Lights tour offers more beach time.

Daily tours depart from Abell Point Marina North (next to Sorrento Restaurant & Bar in Airlie Beach. Both Whitehaven Beach tours are also great for private charters should you want to go with a group of friends.

Each raft holds around 25-32 passengers with small groups meaning you can explore this paradise away from the crowds.

Book your tour at oceanrafting.com.au

Great Barrier Reef Tours From Cape Tribulation Want to explore the underwater world of the Great Barrier Reef? Ocean Safari have got you covered with their half day Great Barrier Reef tours departing from Cape Tribulation.

On this Great Barrier Reef tour, you’ll visit two destinations ideal for snorkelling and meeting the native marine life that call the Great Barrier Reef home.

The tour transports you from Cape Tribulation to the Mackay and Undine Reefs - destinations that provide a stunning setting and the perfect conditions for snorkelling.

At both these locations there is ample opportunity to take a dip with the

native sea turtles, which are typically found leisurely swimming over reefs full of colourful coral. And this is one of the only spots in the world that you can do so, with the Great Barrier Reef being home to six of the world's seven species of marine turtle!

paradise with an intimate group.

You will also see schools of tropical fish, eagle rays, giant clams and starfish in these parts. Above water, marvel at the view of the Daintree Forest and the dense jungle that stretches along the sandy coastline – a striking balance between the turquoise waters and the lush green of the rainforest.

Your guide will always be sure to respect the world heritage sites of the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree Rainforest.

The Ocean Safari vessel is based on the original design of a rescue craft and is a rigid inflatable boat driven by 700hp engines meaning you’ll be zipping along the coastline. The vessel takes a maximum of 25 passengers, so you are free to enjoy this tropical

The tour is also a personalised expedition, with your own skipper who is experienced in guiding punters around the Great Barrier Reef and showing the best of the local area.

The Ocean Safari Reef tour includes a courtesy bus pick up from Cape Tribulation and departs every morning at 8am and the afternoon tour runs from midday. Be sure to confirm pickup times at least 12 hours prior to departure to avoid disappointment!

Book your Ocean Safari at www.oceansafari.com.au

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LAKE MCKENZIE, FRASER ISLAND

If you’re planning an East Coast adventure then your journey won’t be complete without a trip to the formidable, Fraser Island.

Steeped in adventure, overrun with wildlife and awash with natural beauty, Fraser Island is a real taste of paradise. The world’s largest sand island, you can expect acres of beaches, pristine waters and jungle all

within a stone’s throw of each other.

One of the most stunning spots to visit whilst on Fraser Island is Lake McKenzie.

Lake McKenzie is a “perched” lake meaning it only contains rainwater, no ground water and is not fed by any rivers, streams or the ocean. This oasis on the island is therefore where you’ll find some of the clearest water you’ve ever seen and makes for a welcome dip to cool off from the warm temperatures during the day. The water never drains from the lake as the sand and organic matter at

Skyrail - Sustainable Tourism Leader Skyrail is leading the way in Australia and the world with a focus on sustainable tourism and an unwavering commitment to the highest standards of sustainable environmental performance. Skyrail was recently awarded Master Certification by EarthCheck for demonstrating more than 15 years of commitment to the highest standards of environmental care and making social contributions that benefit their customers, staff and the local Tropical North Queensland community.

The Master Certification is EarthCheck’s highest accolade. Skyrail was the first tourism operator in the world to achieve EarthCheck Certification and is one of only five EarthCheck Masters worldwide. The new certification confirms Skyrail as a global leader in the field of sustainability and more specifically, sustainable tourism.

Some of Skyrail’s sustainable initiatives include: • A solar powered communications system between all 114 gondolas • A solar powered mobile phone recharge station in our Canopy Cafe • Recycling of all oil, fuels and solvents • Recycling bins at all terminals and on all boardwalks throughout the Skyrail experience • Collection and storage of rainwater runoff from our terminal buildings • Educating guests on Ranger Guided Tours to encourage respect for the environment and cultural heritage of the area 2017 is the United Nations Year of Sustainable Tourism for Development. The International Year aims to support a change in policies, business practices and consumer behaviour towards a more sustainable tourism sector. Skyrail showcases the world’s oldest continually surviving tropical rainforest every day to hundreds and thousands of guests without leaving a footprint on the environment.

Find out more at skyrail.com.au

the bottom of the lake forms an impervious layer, meaning the rainwater doesn’t drain away through the ground.

Lake McKenzie is complemented by pure white silica sands on its shores meaning it’s not only idyllic to look at, but is also super soft to tread underfoot. The stark white juxtaposed with the endless blues and greens of the lake make for a picture perfect setting - so make sure your phone or camera is fully charged before visiting.

Dawn is a particularly gorgeous time to see

the Lake whilst it’s at its calmest.

There are camping facilities, loos and cold showers nearby, so it is possible to camp near the lake to see its beauty at dawn or spend a lazy day taking in the spectacular views.

You can visit Lake McKenzie with Dropbear Adventures 4 x 4 tours over 3 days including many more stunning highlights of Fraser Island.

dropbearadventures.com.au

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Must See Destinations Between Perth & Broome

Nambung National Park The Pinnacles is a must as your first stop when departing

from Perth. These ancient rock formations stand eerily together in the Nambung National Park with some reaching an incredible 2-3 metres high.

for swimming into the shallows where you can get up close and personal with the marine mammals and even have a go at hand feeding them!

Kalbarri National Park

Coral Bay & The Ningaloo Reef

Heading further north, you’ll encounter even more geologically impressive terrain as you reach Kalbarri National Park. Here you’ll find Nature’s window - a natural frame fashioned from eroded rock as well as Murchison Gorge – which you can abseil down.

More Indian Ocean fun awaits as you reach Coral Bay. Off it’s shores is where you’ll find Ningaloo

Reef. This exquisite reef is home to a shark nursery, manta rays and whale sharks. From June to October you can see the humpback whales as they migrate passed.

in the dusty Western Australia terrain, here you’ll find rock pools and swimming holes teaming with life as well as bountiful cascading waterfalls giving you a real taste of paradise.

Karijini National Park

See all this and more with Aussie Wanderer on their 9 or 14 day Perth to Broome tour. www.aussiewanderer.com.au

The jewel of Western Australia, Karijini National Park is simply stunning. A nature-filled oasis

Monkey Mia Next up is the coastal resort of Monkey Mia which is famous for its visiting dolphins. The dolphins of Monkey Mia are renowned

Karijini National Park

This stunning Western Australia National Park is a must on any WA tour itinerary.

The highlight of many an overland tour from Perth to Broome or in reverse, Karijini National Park is the embodiment of tranquility as you immerse yourself amongst its ancient, wild landscape.

Spanning 627,422 hectares just north of the Tropic of Capricorn (to give you an idea of the climate here) Karijini sits in the Hamersley Range and comes up as number 2 on Western Australia’s largest national parks, being beaten only by the Rudall River National Park.

The climate at Karijini can mostly be described as tropical/semidesert, with summertime seeing an average rainfall of 250 - 350 mm and temperatures often exceeding 40 degrees celsius meaning the ideal time to visit is autumn, winter and early spring ( March - September).

Looking out at Karijini you’ll be confronted with mountains, escarpments, valleys and dwarfing gorges interlaced with rocky waterways carved out over 2,500 million years ago. Some of the most spectacular gorges to visit being Dales Gorge, Fortesque Falls, Weano Gorge and Oxers Lookout.

Karijini is the traditional homeland of the Banyjima, Kurrama and Innawonga people who have occupied the lands for more than 20,000 years with practices such as “fire stick farming” that have encouraged a vast diversity

in vegetation in the park today.

Visit in the cooler months and you’ll bear witness to yellow cassias flowers, wattles, northern bluebells and purple mulla-mullas to name just a mere handful of the botanical display on show.

It’s not all flora when it comes to Karijini however, as the park is also home to some weird and wonderful Australian wildlife. In Karijini you’ll be able to spot a vast variety of birdlife alongside red kangaroos, euros, rock wallabies, echidnas, bats, geckos, goannas, pythons and all manner of scaly creatures! Interestingly you may even spot little mounds of pebbles which are built by a local rodent species known as the Western Pebble-mound mouse.

You may also spot some rather striking columns whilst exploring Karijini also known as termite mounds so keep your eyes peeled for these impressive and towering sculptures.

Visiting Karijini is the perfect excuse for swimming in the many water holes to cool down from the oppressive heat. Bushwalking is also a great activity whilst visiting the park, as you can see nature up close, but just remember to stay back from the edges of gorges as they present a casual 100 metre drop to give your vertigo a run for its money.

Many overland tours from Perth and Broome visit Karijini. Check out tour operator, Kimberley Wild for a range of tours visiting this spectacular national park. kimberleywilde.com.au

Image courtesy of Tourism Western Australia

Possibly the most epic journey on the West Coast, the journey from Perth to Broome may be long, but with so much to see along the way, it’s more than worth it. From pristine beaches to ranges and escarpments, here’s our edit of the must see destinations along the way.

www.bbmlive.com 27

The Old Skool Tour Of The Karijini Is Back In Season

A remote and stunning national park in Western Australia - Karijini is a must see whilst touring WA. Here you can explore the gorges, rock pools, immensely vast landscape and observe the local wildlife.

However for those wanting a really authentic experience, if you want to go back to basics and get to the true heart of the Karijini, you have to go old school.

An exclusive tour between Integrity Coach Lines and The Flying Sandgroper, the Old Skool Karijini Experience is full of activity and adventure over two days. This tour visits

the best in the west and the best in the east of northern Karijini.

On this Karijini tour you’ll visit Kermits Pool, Hancock Gorge, Knox Gorge, Dales Gorge, Circular Pool and Fortescue Falls – all incredible places to visit - despite not being that easy to get to. On the tour you’ll spend two days swimming, hiking, eating BBQ lunches and sleeping under the stars in a traditional Aussie swag. There’s also a visit to the Karijini Visitor’s Centre to learn more about the park from its traditional owners – because it’s important to let them know of your presence in the park and learn about its true history.

This particular Karijini tour puts an emphasis on independent travel - meaning over the two day period passengers don’t have to stay in the park for too long and can be

back on the road with Integrity Coachlines on the overnight coach north to Broome or back down south to Perth.

For those really looking for a break and to be at one with their surroundings you’ll be pleased to know there is no phone reception meaning you really can engage with your surroundings without distraction.

It can be a little eerie at first, but once you settle into it, it’s sheer bliss.

This tour is perfect for the independent traveller as The Old Skool Karijini Experience fits hand-in-hand with the hopon hop-off travel of Integrity Coach Lines.

You’re given the freedom of deciding where to go and how long for, but can travel safely with a professional driver – a great way to avoid self-driving the incredibly long and treacherous distances of Western Australia. You can also end up saving lots

on accommodation with overnight drives to your next destination.

The Old Skool Karijni Experience is $385pp when you have an Integrity hop-on hop-off pass, and includes meals, water, national park fees, a local guide, pick-up from Tom Price (where Integrity will drop you off) and swag hire. Due to the intense temperatures that the Karijini can get up to, this tour can only run from April to October, the region’s dry season, which means now’s a great time to plan your tour.

Visit Karijini via Integrity Coachlines hop on hop off service. Get 10% off with promo code BBMLIVE5 at

integritycoachlines.com.au

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Rock Out In The NT Meet the ruggedly handsome residents of the Red Centre on a four-day adventure in the Northern Territory.

Uluru, Kings Canyon and The Olgas all plead a strong case for travellers to include The Red Centre on their Australia itineraries. With the Red Centre being home to some of the oldest, most striking and mysterious rock formations on the planet, you can see them all in one fell swoop on The Rock To Rock Tour with Mulgas Adventures. Here’s a taster of what you can enjoy…

Getting picked up at Ayers Rock Airport, your first stop is the Cultural Centre for a taster of the flora, fauna and Aboriginal culture of the Red Centre.

Then, it’s straight to Uluru (otherwise known as Ayers Rock) for a long walk and a glass of bubbles while you and your new friends enjoy the view of the sunset. After dinner around a campfire, you get to experience camping in the outback in a traditional Aussie swag.

Rise early on day two to catch the sight of Uluru during sunrise, and then get ready to encounter The Olgas, traditionally known as Kata Tjuta. These uneven domes are simply spectacular. Thought to once have been shaped liked Uluru, it’s believed they’ve weathered over millions of years to become 36 separate formations. After a hike through the Valley of the Winds to get closer to The Olgas, you return to Uluru for a guided base walk where you

Cruise the Mary River Wetlands from Darwin

Want to make the most of your time in Darwin? Then a cruise along the Mary River Wetlands is a must during your time in the Northern Territory.

Heard of anything more Aussie sounding than the Corroboree Billabong? Well, it’s where the cruise starts its 2 and a half hour cruise of the Mary River Wetlands.

Why should you visit the Wetlands? It’s only home to the largest concentration of Saltwater Crocodiles on the planet!

On the cruise you’ll get close enough to ruin your phone storage as you film and snap these ferocious and giant marine reptiles. A cruise along the Mary River Wetlands is also a great time to look out for native Northern Territory birdlife such as geese and brolgas or maybe even try your hand at fishing for some Barramundi.

For those looking to get out and

about you absolutely have to abide by the safety warnings. After all, you do not want to end up as an exotic feast for the crocs. You also need to make sure you travel with plenty of water and a handy first aid kit if you’re planning on camping… after all you’ll be in the bush and 150 km from Darwin the nearest city.

Top tip for visiting the Mary River Wetlands if you’re staying overnight, be sure to visit Couzen’s Lookout for a stunning sunset. The park is well equipped for camping and picnicking in the designated areas, just ensure you leave no trace.

Looking for somewhere to stay during your time in Darwin, check out these great accommodation deals from Melaleuca on Mitchell.

can ask your guide any questions you may have about the most famous rock on the planet. It’s then onto Kings Creek Station – your accommodation for another night under the stars.

A hike around Kings Canyon is the star attraction on day three, as you get to take in the sheer size of this mighty oasis. Returning to Kings Creek Station, you can choose to add on an incredible activity at an extra cost, from a ride on a camel, a quad bike or helicopter! Leaving one station for another, you make your way to Curtain Springs Station just in time for sunset and your final night. With a quick breakfast on the morning of day four, you have to make your way back to Uluru to say goodbye to your Mulgas buddies.

From $439 pp, the Rock To Rock Tour with Mulgas Adventures includes camp accommodation, transport, meals, an experienced guide and a glass of bubbles beside Uluru.

Book now at www.mulgasadventures.com.au

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Heading Across State Lines With Australia’s North West coming into its own during winter, you can enjoy the rugged expanse of Northern Australia whilst the mercury isn’t ready to burst.

If you’re aiming to tick off a few states during your time travelling Australia then a tour across state lines from Western Australia to the Northern Territory is just the ticket.

Setting off from Broome to make the 1,871.4 km journey to Australia’s most northerly city of Darwin, it will come as no surprise that there’s much to see along the way.

Ideally you should clear a couple of weeks in your travelling schedule to allow enough time to experience northern Australia. From Broome you’ll experience the vast expanse of the Kimberley Region. A great first port of call along the Gibb River Road is the West Kimberley Gorges. Expect rocky escarpments, plunging cliff faces and a few

snaking waterways and you’ll certainly feel the atmosphere of the wild west.

Mitchell Plateau is another popular stop toward the beginning of your journey, and it’s here that you’ll witness the stunning Mitchell Falls.

A real gem of the Kimberley, you can also take advantage of Little Mertens Falls where you’ll encounter natural spa pools above the cascading water as well as a cave beneath. It’s also worth seeing the Bradshaw rock paintings whilst here.

Passing through and perhaps staying overnight at El Questro, an absolutely unavoidable highlight of this dramatic journey is visiting the Purnululu National Park. This is where you’ll find the otherworldly Bungle Bungle Ranges which only came to international attention in 1983 when a film crew discovered the huge mountain range - obviously the traditional landowners and locals knew about these fairly ancient rock formations

prior to that. The stripey bee-hive like rocks are well worth a visit as you wander in between them feeling dwarfed by their size, it’s certainly somewhere to give Uluru a run for its money.

As you near the Northern Territory Lake Argyle makes for a welcome stop for a dip and interestingly it’s Australia’s second largest manmade freshwater reservoir! This is your last real Western Australia highlight before crossing state lines into the Northern Territory where Nitmiluk National Park awaits.

This stunning park is home to the Nitmiluk Gorge where you’ll have one last taste of rugged wilderness before reaching Darwin and planning your next adventure in the Northern Territory.

You can make your way from Broome to Darwin with Kakadu Wild’s 14 day tour. kakaduwild.com.au

10 Days in the Wild West With the weather turning colder, there’s never been a better time to head north, so if you happen to be stopping in Western Australia during your travels, then a Perth to Broome overland tour is just the ticket you need to see some of the most varied terrain in the entire country.

Making the immense 2,348.8 km journey north in Australia’s largest State of course means you’re going to encounter adventures by the bucket load. Whether you’re a thrill seeker when it comes to adrenaline rushes or a water baby who likes to get up close and personal with the Aussie wildlife, the West Coast has got your back. Here’s a few encounters you can hope to enjoy whilst traversing the West Coast.

Into the Wild Setting off from Perth, your first stop is at the rocky Kalbarri National Park. A perfect photo opp comes in the form of the stunning ‘Nature’s Window’ - a picturesque rock formation that perfectly frames the landscape in the distance in a natural picture frame created from erosion to the rocks. Feeling active? Take in the deep ravines, abseil down rock faces and kayak the waterways. Kalbarri is perfect for those who want to start their trip with a bang!

Coastal Adventures in WA From here, your coastal adventure begins. First stop: Shark Bay. A stunning beachside destination, water lovers can immerse themselves and snorkel with some

of the stunning marine life native to Western Australia’s waters. You’ll also stop at Monkey Mia to meet the dolphins that come into the shallows every day to be hand fed by visitors. The Monkey Mia dolphins are so famous they’ve been incredibly important to dolphin research studies over the last few years, and if you’re a fan of these playful, squeaky mammals then this is your chance to see them closer than ever!

National Park. Possibly the most special part of the tour, you’ll spend a few days exploring the marbled rock, narrow tunnels, caves, waterfalls and billabongs.

Visiting Karijini is a real time to relax, unwind and escape back to nature, so make sure you take full advantage as you frolic under waterfalls and sooth your skin from the heat in the swimming holes before making your way to your final destination of Broome.

Snorkelling The Ningaloo Reef

The Best Sunset in Australia

Arriving in Coral Bay you’ll be at the gateway to the Ningaloo Reef. Western Australia’s much less damaged answer to the Great Barrier Reef is home to a kaleidoscopic array of tropical fish as well as an abundance of coral – and if you visit at the right time of year, you may even be lucky enough to encounter the enormous Whale Sharks as they migrate through these shores from April to July every year. From June to September you may even see a humpback whale or two as they migrate past the WA coastline.

Delve into the Oasis Making your way inland from Exmouth you’ll arrive at Karijini

Famous for its enormous, fiery sunsets, Cable Beach is the highlight of Broome and no trip here is complete without taking a camel ride across its expansive sands. The uninterrupted sky at Broome is where you may also spot the natural phenomenon of the ‘Stairway to the Moon’ that creates an optical illusion of stairs leading up to the moon under the cover of darkness.

All this and more is available with Adventure Tours Australia’s Perth to Broome Overland trip that runs over 10 days.

Find out more about these tours at www.adventuretours.com.au

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Feasting on Kangaroo Island South Australia is famous for its incredible cuisine, but for something a little extra special, hop on over to Kangaroo Island for a culinary expedition.

With Kangaroo Island being one of the premier food and drink exporters in the entire country foodies are well at home when it comes to the local produce.

A pristine island, complete with fertile land, crystal clear waters and no pollution means the produce grown here is of the highest quality. From fresh crayfish, snapper and whiting, to sweet honey and smooth wines, food and drink is an exceptional experience to be had on Kangaroo Island.

With the local fare being such a big draw to the island, it should come as no surprise that there’s even a Food & Wine Trail visitors can follow. From farm gates to cellar doors you can sample a vast variety of local produce as well as meeting the local producers - giving you a real insight into the foodie delights of the island.

Seafood fan? Ferguson Australia’s seafood platter is a must - serving up some of the islands classics such as Crayfish and Prawns.

Something for afterwards? Meet the famous Ligurian bees at Clifford’s Honey Farm in their glass beehive, where you can also taste delicious honey ice cream.

For those looking for a complimentary wine, take a tour of the 25 acre vineyard at The Islander Estate where you can taste premium wines made by Bordeaux’s

Jacques Lurton. After all, wine is seriously big business in South Australia, so missing out on the opportunity to sample KI’s selection of Cabernet, Sauvignon, Viognier and Grenache is simply not an option.

Celebrating the food and wine of Kangaroo Island, there are many events and festivals held throughout the year that are perfect for getting a taste of the local produce.

Kangaroo Island Farmers’ Market runs every first Sunday of the month at Penneshaw on the north coast of the Dudley Peninsula. You can expect everything from local lamb and olive oil to freshwater marron and sheep’s cheese.

Aside from the producers, you’ll also find lots of great places to dine offering great local produce at restaurants and cafes.

A must visit is The Marron Café in the Heartland of the island which showcases the island’s prized freshwater crayfish and the Vivonne Bay Store at Vivonne Bay for their famous King George Whiting Burger. While Bella Café in Kingscote specialises in pizzas as well as a dining room featuring local KI produce.

As well as sampling some local goods, you can take advantage of the incredible activities on Kangaroo Island, such as watching Australian Sea lions at Seal Bay, sandboarding down the dunes of Little Sahara, relaxing on Vivonne Bay Beach and taking in the sights of Remarkable Rocks and Admirals Arch, both millions of years in the making.

Kangaroo Island Adventure Tours offer a two-day Wilderness Explorer Tour which offers an all-round experience of the island.

Find out more at

www.kiadventuretours.com.au

WE DARE YOU TO VISIT SOUTH AUSTRALIA South Australia is a haven for thrill seekers. Here’s our round up of a few ways to get the adrenaline pumping and test your bravery whilst visiting South Australia.

Up for paying good money to come face to tooth with one of Australia’s deadliest predators? Good. Port Lincoln is the place to go if you want to see the iconic Great White Shark up close, really close, and in their natural habitat. Though they’re not as aggressive as you might think, the sight of one of these beasts with up to 15 rows of teeth coming at you from the depths is guaranteed to get your pulse racing.

Sand Boarding at Little Sahara

Speeding down the dunes of Little Sahara on Kangaroo Island is a must-do whilst visiting South Australia. This pristine sand dune system promises some of the best sand boarding in the country and you’ll feel like you’re in the middle of the desert. Be prepared to fall over. At speed. A lot.

Sleeping in a swag under the stars

A night spent out in the bush under the stars, sleeping in a traditional Aussie swag is a rush in itself. With no roof and crucially no floor between you and the potentially deadly creepy crawlies, just going to sleep requires some nerve. However you’ll be rewarded with more stars then you thought

existed – and it’s pretty safe as the Aussies have been doing it for yonks!

Crossing the Nullarbor Plain

This 1700km stretch of absolute barren, remote bushland’s name literally means ‘no trees’. You should also be prepared for no people, no other cars and not much help if you get stranded. The Nullarbor is a road like no other and crossing it is a thrill seeker’s dream.

TRAVEL DEALS:

Book a Perth to Adelaide 9 Day Adventure Tour for 2017/2018 before 31st August and receive 10% off! Use promo code EARLYBIRD10 Book a Secrets of Esperance Tour now for 2017/2018 before 31st August and receive 10% off with promo code EARLYBIRD10 Book an Adelaide to Perth 10 Day Adventure Tour for 2017/2018 before 31st August and receive 10% off! Use promo code EARLYBIRD10 Book now at www.nullarbortraveller.net

By Kate Moxhay

Shark Cage Diving

www.bbmlive.com 31

32

CRUISING EUROPE’S THE BEST CONTINENT SAILING DESTINATIONS

Long balmy summers filled with fantastic food, azure waters, and sublime sunsets are just a few factors that come with spending the summer in Europe.

Add in a sailing holiday and you’re pretty much neck and neck with the European playboys that call the Med home.

However, sailing holidays are no longer a pipe dream for the everyday sunseeker with more and more affordable sailing holidays dropping anchor off the shores of Greece, Croatia and Turkey - complete with the royal combo of sun, sea, and sailing!

Cruising the waterways of the Aegean and Dalmatian doesn’t get much more idyllic with temperatures sitting around 26-30 C throughout the summer, meaning a dip in the sea is the perfect way to cool off or freshen up whilst making your way along the coastline. Croatia, Greece and Turkey all have their plus points when it comes to a sailing holiday destination, whether it be

in the form of culinary delights, or on shore nightlife, but choosing a destination for your sailing holiday can be tough.

Greece or Turkey?

Both is the answer! When it comes to sailing in Greece or Turkey, you don’t need to choose a side as the geographical closeness of the two countries means both are within easy reach of each other. Turkey offers incredible party resorts such as Bodrum, Marmaris and Datca coupled with the Greek Islands of Kos, Symi and Rhodes. When on a sailing holiday between the two, you can spend every night in a different town and spend days exploring the mysterious history and cultural sites of these ancient countries.

Similarly, you can spend your time relaxing on board in between destinations and cooling off with frequent swims.

Sailing Back in Time For those looking for even more cultural clout to their sailing holiday, you can also sail by Gulet (a traditional Turkish sailing vessel) along Turkey’s West Coast as well as explore the ancient cities and sites of Istanbul, Troy and Pergamum before heading to the healing waters of Pamukkale - a simply awe inspiring natural wonder.

Island Hopping & Nightlife The Greek Islands long remain an idyllic destination for any summer holiday with the

food and nightlife being some of the best in the whole of Europe. Whether you’re sampling souvlaki or kleftiko or trying your best to enjoy ouzo, the Greek culture is one that is warm and welcoming and certainly leaves a lasting imprint.

Croatia - The New Kid On The Block The Greek Island’s biggest rival to date, Croatia has become an increasingly popular destination when it comes to the European summer and has welcomed visitors on mass since 2012. With a coastline littered with hundreds of small islands there’s so much to explore that a sailing holiday is the perfect way to soak up the Croatian culture. Croatia offers the UNESCO World Heritage Site of Dubrovnik - where you can explore the walls of the Old Town as well as party the night away in a 13th Century fortress. This is nicely juxtaposed with the natural beauty of Mljet where you’ll see rolling hills and idyllic coves. Nightlife packs a punch in Croatia at Hvar’s trendy harbourside where you can expect to pay anywhere between 2-4 euros for a half litre of beer.

Sailing in Croatia, your days are filled with canon balling overboard into the clear Dalmatian waters or exploring the ancient towns on the islands - or simply sunning yourself on the deck and soaking up some rays.

Why Sail?

Sailing holidays to any of these locations is a great way to travel with friends, or make new ones on board. The destinations of Greece, Turkey and Croatia all mean you can combine experiencing some of the world’s most ancient landmarks with the swashbuckling shenanigans of a sailing holiday.

The freedom of travelling by boat makes for a relaxing way to see and visit multiple locations all whilst getting the luxury factor of sunbathing, cocktails and partying on the high seas, so where will you set sail to?

Some Sailing Holidays to choose from: Croatia: Sail Dubrovnik to Split 8 days from $598 Sail Split to Dubrovnik – 8 days from $524 Greek Islands: Sail Greece Kos to Kos 8 days from $749 Turkey: Best of Turkey by Gulet 12 days from $1169

View itineraries, tour details and book direct at traveltalktours.com

www.bbmlive.com 33

34

STOKE TRAVEL ANNOUNCE FESTIVAL GLAMPING Here’s what Stoke have got lined up in addition to the standard chef-made hot breakfasts and dinners, Stoke’s own campsite parties, and the option for an open beer/sangria bar for 10 euros extra per day…

Stoke Travel’s accommodation options are mostly in tents and we wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s something about camping that makes for a great party.

Being a recluse is nearly impossible, while the feeling of community is high.

Stoke Travel aims to keep trips as cheap as possible, without compromising on quality, and that’s why they offer more bang for less buck than other tour operators.

• Large glamping tent that you can stand up in, for stretching, dressing and other activities • Power and lighting • Inflatable mattresses with fitted bed sheets and sleeping bags, making them doubly as warm as the standard • Pillows, for the head on request, so you don’t have to sleep on your dirty clothes • Bottle of water to start the day right, and help the hangover • Local newspaper and free WiFi, that may or may not double as the aforementioned porn channel (don’t do it, you’re gross) • Bedside table to keep your shit in order • Hanging mirror and bin, so you can see how hot you are and keep your sleeping quarters hot too • Welcome drink, for feeling welcome • Morning coffee and turndown service, so you start fresh each day and so does your palace • 24/7 Stoke friend at your service, kind of like a butler but way less stuffy • An umbrella for the rain or a hat for the sun,

depending on what you need to keep off your beautiful face • One festival survival kit, containing things • And fast check in and check out, because we want our Glampers to feel very important indeed.

Oktoberfest & SpringFest

• Heater, for warming them bones.

• Unlimited coffee, tea, soup, hot chocolate & marshmallows day station to keep you human.

San Vino, Bulls & La Tomatina

• Unlimited icey poles day station to keep you cool.

So while Stoke Travel do go above and beyond when it comes to their standard accommodation, the Festival Glamping Palaces take it up a notch and then some, making sure that you’re comfortable and well-rested, and the best you can possibly be when it comes to party time with your thousands of new best friends.

Book your next Stoke Travel trip in style with the promo code BBM at stoketravel.com and enjoy all that unlimited beer and sangria for free.

Enter Stoke Travel’s Festival Glamping Palaces, a sleeping arrangement that lives somewhere on the luxurious side of living outside, comfortable camping, terrific tents, snug sleeping arrangements. Stoke Travel’s Glamping options won’t break the bank, and it definitely won’t alienate you from your fellow travellers, but it will make you just that little more comfortable, cozy, and as such better rested for whatever chaotic festivities await you during your waking hours.

LAND AHOY

But will it be Croatia or Greece?

Sailing holidays are hands down the embodiment of summer and flitting from island to island, swimming in quiet coves and bays are just a handful of the perks that come with any sailing holiday, but location is key.

With Croatia rising to prominence over the last few years people may be quick to set sail along the Dalmatian Coast - but what about the abundance of Greek Islands that are swathed in ancient legends and offer a rich tapestry of culture? Let’s take a look at the perks of sailing in Greece or Croatia this summer.

Lush and dramatic landscapes - both these countries boast a glorious

vista, however it can be difficult to choose which one to take in.

Although Croatia offers its culture, some great seafood, sunshine and some unique architecture, the waters surrounding the Greek Islands offer crystal clear waters and amazing cuisine. We’re talking Kleftiko, Mousaka, Stuffed Peppers, Gyros, Saganaki (amazing fried cheese that you have to have as a starter) and some stunning sandy beaches.

Croatia is made up of over 1000 tiny islands, many sporting Venetian style buildings and lots of seafood to go hand in hand with a nautical adventure. However, Croatia doesn’t sport the same famous party islands such as Mykonos and tends to only come alive when there’s a festival on.

The Greek Islands are famous for the

gay-friendly Mykonos as well as the stunning sunsets at Santorini and the water sports on Ios. A sailing holiday in Greece also comes complete with the prestige of island hopping and experiencing the charm and character of each individual island.

If you’re keen to climb aboard a sailing holiday in Greece this summer then be sure to take a look at tours such as the sevenday YOLO cruises departing from Athens with Sail In Greece. There are a range of activities for young travellers looking for a good time whilst exploring these incredible islands.

Sail in Greece tours start from just £299 per person. Including 7 nights accommodation on board, exclusive island excursions, free shots of ouzo and breakfast and lunch all included, you will be getting true value for money and more.

Book a tour around Greece now

www.sail-ingreece.com

www.bbmlive.com 35

STEP INTO GAME OF THRONES VIA

DUBROVNIK

Eastern Europe is quickly becoming one of the more alluring holiday destinations. With its Mediterranean climate and relatively cheap prices Croatia fits the bill and if you fancy a beach with some culture thrown in then Dubrovnik ticks those boxes. With a couple of days booked off either side of the Easter holiday I flew in for a few relaxing days in Lapad. This is a relatively new suburb in Dubrovnik lying about 3km northwest of the Old City, far enough from the tourist hubbub but strolling distance away. While I got the beach I craved I also got the bonus of being transported to Westeros.

Walking into the fortified Old City of Pile in Dubrovnik is like strolling into a timewarp.

Encircled by huge stone walls since the 12th Century, the moats and gates look like they have been drawn up directly from George R.R. Martin’s imagination. Indeed you may have seen this backdrop before, the city of Dubrovnik has been extensively used in Game of Thrones since season two.

Filling in as The Red Keep, Fort Lovrijenac was one of the first lines of defence in protecting Dubrovnik from the Venetians.

After intimidation in the early 11th Century, the locals built their fort in just three months but the Venetian influence remains in the architecture and the cuisine. Certain corners in Fort Lovrijenac will also look familiar; the top right hand corner of the courtyard was used for Cersei and Littlefinger’s ‘Power is Power’ meeting (S2: E1) while The Hound saving Sansa from the King’s Landing Riots was filmed at the back wall (S2: E6). The lookout was also used for the sun drenched Tourney on King Joffrey’s Name Day (S2: E1) and for Bronn and Tyrion discussing their bromance/his sellsword servitude (S3:E1).

Pay attention on the walk back to Pile for a couple more locations. Those green doors carved into the bay wall do look chilling, in the real world they were used as tidal prison cells but in King’s Landing they were used as the backdrop to The Slaughter of the Innocent when King Robert’s bastards were massacred (S2: E1). The small bay itself has also been the setting for Sansa and Shae watching the boats go by (S3: E1), Myrcella’s departure for Dorne (S2: E6) and Cersei awaiting her ill-fated return (S6: E1).

Pile Gate itself is a picture perfect landmark yet has been the backdrop to two of the

more traumatic moments for King’s Landing; King Joffrey sparking off the Riots (S2: E6) and the funeral of his grandfather, Tywin (S5: E1). You could even recreate Cersei’s ‘Walk of Shame’ (S5: E10) from the Jesuit Stairs, Od Margarite Street, Ploce Gate and St. Dominik Street where ‘Frankenmountain’ picks her up. Do not fully recreate the walk though, public nudity is an offence that will get you arrested. The show only just got sign-off to film a naked woman on a religious site then had to fork out all the lost revenue for each of the restaurants that line the steps today. Shame.

The Old City of Dubrovnik has been a UNESCO site since 1979 yet amidst all the restaurants and shops nearly 500 people call this tourist site ‘home’. You can get a better view of the back gardens by taking the steps up to the City Walls themselves. Awaiting you at the top are glorious views of the city itself and the bay. There are a couple of filming locations too, such as Tyrion and Varys using the walls to plan the defence of King’s Landing (S2: E8). Obviously, the bay was used as Blackwater Bay (S2: E9) though only dinghies would be able to fit in the shallow depths. Minceta Tower should still look familiar, it filled in as The House of The Undying when Daenerys looked for her lost dragons (S2: E10).

If you fancy a sit down there are two replicas of The Iron Throne in Dubrovnik; one is in the Game of Thrones gift shop on Boshkoviceva (though the shopkeeper does insist you buy a souvenir before having a photo) and the second is on the island of Lokrum. The fifteen-minute boat ride is well worth it to spend half a day wondering around the nature reserve. The island was once a former monastery and is said to carry a curse for anyone who stays overnight on the island. The Mother of Dragons, Daenerys Stormborn, visited to film the garden scenes from Qarth (S2: E5) outside the Barracks yet the closest to winged beasts now are the flamboyant peacocks that loudly roam free. The Barracks itself houses a museum with its own Game of Thrones exhibition and behind a curtain is the Throne itself, no need to buy a souvenir here either.

Another short trip away is Trsteno

Arboretum, a collection of trees from the 15th Century. The trees are not the main attraction and walking down the winding lane you get a glimpse of why the site was chosen for the Red Keep’s Palace Gardens.

The villa offers a two-way vista taking in the surrounding bay and on a sunny day is the perfect spot for lemon cake and gossip as Sansa did with Lady Olenna (S3: E2) and Margaery (S3: E4). The trees act as canopies over the lanes, discreet for Varys chatting to Lady Olenna (S3: E4). The site has also been the backdrop for more macabre chats; Sansa discussing her dead family (S4: E1) and Ser Dontos handing her the necklace with amethysts which would choke a certain young King (S4: E1).

With so much history of its own Dubrovnik is well worth a trip, throw in the Game of Thrones’ references and you have a fun filled few days ticking off the locations and recreating some of your favourite moments.

Words & images by Omar Soliman

BBMLive’s Omar Soliman explores Dubrovnik’s terrain as he seeks out cult show, ‘Game of Thrones’ locations whilst soaking up the Croatian culture.

36

FUNNY NEWS

The Hole Disturbing Truth About Badgers It’s an established fact that in Australia, almost all forms of wildlife will kill you given the chance. From redback spiders to brown snakes to drop-bears, the continent is crawling with killer critters just waiting to sink their claws, fangs or elongated beaks into you. Even the cute and cuddly koala is riddled with chlamydia.

So in the UK, it’s kind of laughable that the most dangerous wild animal is the badger – and that’s only because they give you tuberculosis.

Well laugh no more because badgers are raising their game after a family of the burrowing bastards manage to cut off an entire village by creating a massive sinkhole in the middle of the main road.

They never did that in Wind in the Willows.

The gaping chasm is on the only road in and out of Shingle Street, a hamlet of white-walled stone cottages on the Suffolk coast, about 12 miles from Ipswich. It’s so big that lorries and vans can’t drive down it. Small cars can just about squeeze through.

The badgers can’t be harmed because they are a protected species, said a spokesman.

The cunning fuckers.

“We are working with Natural England to find a solution to repair the road, and a micro-bridge has been ordered to be constructed over the sinkhole,” said the spokesman, possibly while a badger had a gun to his head. “This will enable all vehicles to get in and out of Shingle Street. We have also worked hard to keep residents informed of the situation and kept them updated throughout.”

Next week, a family of otters cause a flood in a small village in Shropshire – and demand a $500,000 to fix it.

Jumping Ant Blast, It’s a Gas, Gas, Gas

gas blast that flung Paul Wilmott three metres clear of his house in York and buried him in rubble – fatally fracturing his skull.

Whether it’s from that lad at school who no one is in touch with anymore, or that weird fella in the pub who you only talk to when you’re blind drunk, we’ve all heard the theory that if ants got their act together, they could overthrow us and seize control of the planet.

Apparently a corroded copper pipe was the cause of the “accident”, but investigations showed it had been damaged by water and formic acid.

And in a chilling turn of events, it seems they may have already struck the first blow. A scientist says ants may have contributed to a “catastrophic”

“Ants produce this formic acid which attacks copper. It seems unique and coincidental that it seemed to be an ant nest there,” said Dr Elizabeth Grear at the coroner’s hearing. That was no coincidence doctor, that was the world’s first ant murder.

Dying For Some Good News

Visit Rural Village For Some Pizza and Quiet Residents of the UK’s remotest village finally have an excuse to be lazy and fat like the rest of us with the news that it’s been given its first takeaway service thanks to the good people at the Chicago Town pizza chain.

Inverie in Scotland, on the Knoydart Peninsula, is officially the UK’s most remote location and has never had a takeaway service.

So in a bid to get free publicity, Chicago Town decided to help out, flying in a chest full of frozen pizzas by way of helicopter and dumping them in a field. Call us Mr Picky but as delivery services go, we’ve had better.

“To see Chicago Town make such a fuss of us – and to get our first takeaway delivery by special helicopter makes the wait well worthwhile,” said resident Ian Robertson while tucking into his frozen-solid, grass-stained pizza.

Whether it’s telling your homophobic grandpa on his deathbed that they’ve outlawed gay marriage, or yelling “you shall be avenged” to a friend as he has his genitals mutilated before being cut in half like in the film Bone Tomahawk, there’s no harm in telling someone a little white lie to comfort them in their final moments.

And that’s why Teresa Elliott says she has “no regrets” after calling her terminally ill ex-husband and telling him that Donald Trump had been impeached. Moments later, he died with a smile on his face.

“I told him that everything’s going to be all right,”she said. “And Donald Trump has been impeached.”

Afterward, one of his friends took the phone “and told me that he had completely relaxed and taken his last breath, and he was gone.”

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS Don’t neglect your wellbeing whilst you’re on the road. This month we’re going for practicality, beauty and comfort with our travel essentials.

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1. Relax whilst travelling with Olverum Bath Oil travel set - $27 available from www.olverum.com 2. Keep your hair conditioned and clean for days with Phil Smith from www.philsmithhair.com 3. A multi-use product, DR.PAWPAW balm is great for lip balm, moisturiser or on dry ends as is the DR.PAWPAW 7 in 1 It Does It All Hair Treatment Styler - browse the collection at www.drpawpaw.com 4. Going camping or having a BBQ at the beach make sure you have this Zippo candle lighter with you - $24 available from www.zippo.co.uk 5. Keep your lifeline safe with the ELEMENT AURA phone case $43 from www.elementcase.com

6. Travel in style with your laptop with the Kings backpack - $202 available from www.stmgoods.com 7. Keep the insects away with this repellent wristband - $12 from www.theye.co.uk 8. Keep your hair moisturised when you’ve been in and out of the water with Phil Smith’s Total Treat Argan Oil Cream - from www.philsmithhair.com 9. Get your tunes in the shower or by the pool with the Polk BOOM bluetooth speaker $87 from Amazon.com 10. Protect your passport in style with a Passport & Travel Document Holder - $34 available from www.penheaven.co.uk

www.bbmlive.com 37

ACCOMMODATION New South Wales Sydney The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com West End Backpackers 12 Pitt St Sydney NSW, 2000 Ph: 02 9211 4588 Free Phone: 1800 013 186 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.nomadsworld.com/westend Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year.

Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Port Stephens

Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au

Katoomba

Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au Blue Mountains Backpackers Hostel 144 Bathhurst Road, Katoomba, NSW 2780 Ph: 02 4782 9630 bluemountainsbackpackerhostel. com.au

Byron Bay Byron Bay Accom Ph: 02 66 808 666 Email: bookings@byronbayaccom. net www.byronbayaccom.net Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Ph: (02) 4406-3101 www.laketabourietouristpark.com.au

Maca’s Camping Ground Ph: 02 6684 5211 1156 Main Arm Rd, Upper Main Arm NSW 2482, Australia www.macascampingground.com/ macascampingground@gmail.com

Queensland The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

CEDAR CREEK LODGES THUNDERBIRD PARK Cnr of Cedar Creek Falls Rd & Tamborine Mountain Rd, Tamborine, QLD 4272 info@cedarcreeklodges.com.au www.cedarcreeklodges.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surfers Paradise Backpackers rsrt Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers. com.au

Port Douglas United Port Douglas

37 Warner Street, Port Douglas, QLD

Ph: 07 4099 5011 unitedportdouglas.com.au Airlie Beach Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au

Cairns

Cairns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.)

Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com Heron Island Ph: 02 9538 0751 www.heronisland.com

Townsville

Cape Tribulation PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Rainbow Beach Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

Western Australia Perth

western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth WA Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Britannia On William 253 William Street, Northbridge, WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 www.perthbritannia.com EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au

COOLIBAH LODGE 194 Brisbane Street Northbridge Perth WA Ph: (08) 9328 9958 www.coolibahlodge.com.au Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com. au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

Victoria redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704 Johanna Beach Cottages 225 Blue Johanna Road Johanna Heights Victoria 3238 (03) 5237 4224 cottages@johannabeach.com www.johannabeach.com Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/ backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Northern Territory Darwin Youth Shack 69 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1300 793 302 youthshack.com.au Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 09 8941 7800 momdarwin.com Chillis Backpackers 69 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 chillis.com.au

Alice Springs Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au Haven Backpacker Resort 3 Larapinta Drive, Alice Springs Ph: 1800 79 4663 / 08 8952 4663 www.alicehaven.com.au

South Australia Adelaide Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers. com.au adelaidebackpackers.om.au

Melbourne OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS

1 Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au www.obh.com.au

Boranup

Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au

Rambutan 113 – 119 Flinders Street, Townsville 4810 enquiries@rambutantownsville.com Ph: 07 4771 6915 www.rambutantownsville.com

Boranup Forest Retreat 422 Sebbes Road, Forest Grove Ph: +61 404 895 901 www.boranupforestretreat.com.au monkey mia

The Dive Shed Busselton

Crocosaurus Cove

Drop Bear Adventures

Melbourne Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au United Backpackers 250 Flinders Street, Melbourne Ph: 03 9654 2616 unitedbackpackers.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

THINGS TO DO Skydiving iFly Downunder

123 Mulgoa Road, Penrith, Sydney Ph: 1300 366 364 www.iflydownunder.com.au

Sydney Skydivers

745 Picton Road, Wilton, New South Wales, Australia 2571 Ph: 1800 805 997 admin@sydneyskydivers.com.au www.sydneyskydivers.com.au

Southern Skydivers

2 hours South from Perth Busselton Ph: 1300 449 669 info@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au

Scuba Diving NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive. com.au

21 Queen Street, Busselton, WA Ph: 08 9754 1615 www.diveshed.com.au

Adventure Tours Awesome Whitsundays

Ph: 1800 293 7663 www.awesomewhitsundays.com

Australian Kayaking Adventures

PO Box 1055, Ashmore City, QLD Ph: 04 1294 0135 www.australiankayakingadventures. com.au

Skyrail Rainforest Cableway Cnr Captain Cook Highway and Cairns Western Arterial Road Smithfield, QLD Ph: 07 4038 5555 www.skyrail.com.au Contiki Ph: 1300 188 635 www.contiki.com

aussie wanderer

Ph: 0894382070 info@aussiewanderer.com.au www.aussiewanderer.com.au

58 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 08 8981 7522 www.crocosauruscove.com

Wild Expeditions

Shop 20, Johnny Chi Lane, Broome Ph: 1300 73 88 70 www.wildexpeditions.com.au

Margaret River Vintage Wine Tours

Ph: 0417 948 933 www.winetoursmargaretriver.com.au

The Peel Region Tourism

75 Mandurah Terrace, Mandurah Ph: 08 9550 3999 www.visitpeel.com.au

Kangaroo Island Adventure Tours Vivonne Bay, Kingscote, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 www.kiadventuretours.com.au

GOIN SOUTH

Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858

PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING

Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au

Ph: 1800 061 156 www.dropbearadventures.com.au

The Official Home And Away Tour To Summer Bay

ADVENTURE KAYAKING

Territory Expeditions

Ph: 02 9977 7890 www.yahoo7.com.au/homeandaway

7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au

Mulgas Adventures

KITE REPUBLIC

PARADISE JET BOATING

Kakadu Wild Expeditions

10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 www.kiterepublic.com.au

Kakadu 4WD Safaris

Water Activities

Adventure Tours australia

GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURF TOURS

TRANSPORT MIGHTY CAMPERS

Ph: 1300 115 922 www.territoryexpeditions.com.au Ph: 08 8952 1545 www.mulgasadventures.com.au Ph: 1300 73 88 70 darwinsales@kimberleywild.com.au www.kakaduwild.com.au Ph: 1300 525 238 info@kadu4wdsafaris.com www.kakadu4wdsafaris.com Ph: 1300 654 604 adventuretours.com.au

Sydney Outback Tours

Ph: 1300 307 634 www.sydneyoutback.com.au

Real Sydney Tours

Ph: 0402 049426 www.realsydneytours.com.au

The Travel Yoga Company

Ph: 0411301820 www.theyogatravelcompany.com

Kimberley Wild Expeditions Ph: 1300 73 88 70 www.kimberleywild.com.au

Kite Surfing

55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 Ph: 03 5261 3730 info@gorsurftours.com.au www.gorsurftours.com.au

KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS

9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com

Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

Nationwide Ph: 1800 670 232 www.mightycampers.com.au

GREAT SOUTHERN RAIL

Nationwide Ph: 1800 703 357 www.greatsouthernrail.com.au

Integrity Coach Lines

PO BOX 1131, Midland, 6936 WA Ph: 08 927 47464 www.integritycoachlines.com.au

Go Camper

90 Parkin Street, Rockingham, WA Ph: 1300 667 363 www.gocamper.com.au

38

CRYSTAL BALLS Leo

Capricorn

During a drunken night out with friends, you crudely suggest that North Korean tyrant Kim Jung-Un looks like the fat kid from Disney flick Up! and “has one of those faces you’d never tire of slapping”. The next morning, North Korea tries to nuke your house. Luckily, their weapons technology is only slightly more advanced than the Mexican fireworks industry and after launching the rocket from an empty milk bottle, it goes round and round in the air before sputtering out harmlessly over the Pacific.

To your great shock, you are asked to become the new face of Calvin Klein. They want you to promote their new perfume: Uglè - the fragrance for vagrants. Apparently CK has sewn up the rich and beautiful market, so they’re going after the ugly and cheap demographic. You’re a natural fit.

Aquarius You burn a piece of toast and are amazed to find that the black markings form an exact likeness of Tony Hadley, the frontman of eighties popsters Spandau Ballet.

Libra Pisces You visit the doctors due to an acute pain in your stomach that you’ve had for a few days.

He prescribes some tablets and tells you to come back in three days if the problem persists. If anything, it gets worse, so you book another appointment. After pressing a few areas of your stomach that feel a bit sensitive, the doc prescribes you with some powerful laxatives. Two days pass then, finally, you go to the toilet, sit down and are shocked when Burt the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins crawls out of your anus. You stare stunned as he tips his dusty cap at you, says ‘fanks gavnah’ in an unconvincing Cockney accent and lets himself out the bathroom while whistling cheerfully and twirling his sweeping brush.

You get into the new series of MasterChef and watch someone cook up a dessert that floats on the end of a balloon. What a time to be alive.

Scorpio You get a new haircut that makes you look exactly like 90s crooner Luther Vandross, with fans frequently stopping you in the street and making you perform duets of “My Endless Love” for long train journeys.

Cancer For a bit of extra pocket money, you mull over the idea of writing jokey horoscopes for humorous street magazines. Unless you want your legs broken by my Polish halfbrother, Bustya Balls, you will forget this idea immediately.

ASK CRYSTAL

Dear Crystal, My boyfriend is a massive Star Wars fan, so every year on May 4th (Star Wars day) I get him a franchise-related treat.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I asked him what his biggest fantasy was and, after a bit of cajoling, he started describing the scene from Return of the Jedi where Princess Leia is made to wear a gold bikini by Jabba the Hutt. Before he could go any further, I told him to leave it with me and gave him a wink.

The next day I ordered the bikini on Amazon and it arrived a couple of days ago - so I thought I’d whet his appetite by putting it on in the bathroom and sending him a selfie while he was at work.

Imagine my surprise when he texted me back to say he couldn’t wait to try it on himself and see me all dressed up as Jabba the Hutt. For starters, I didn’t know he was a cross-dresser. And secondly, I didn’t know he was sexually aroused by giant slugs. What should I do?

Yours, Annie Dear Annie, I know exactly how you feel. I used to go out with a guy who told me his biggest fantasy when he was a kid was the famous scene in Basic Instinct when Sharon Stone sits on a chair and quickly uncrosses her legs. One day I came home early and found him wanking over Riverdance – turns out he just gets off on people moving their legs really fast.

Then there was the bloke who got turned on by that scene in Ghost where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze are feeling each other up while making a clay pot. I accidentally walked in on him in bed fucking my best Toby jug. Dirty fucker. With that in mind, a bit of cross-dressing slug-banging doesn’t sound so bad to me.

Dear Crystal, Settle an argument. My wife insists that mustard is the best condiment but I’m firmly in the tomato ketchup camp. What do you think?

Yours, Tommy Dear Tommy, I think you both need to get a fucking life.

Yours Crystal

Aries When you accidentally knock yourself out by hitting your head on a high cupboard door, you wake up slightly dazed and convinced the blow has given you complete mastery of all cupboards and drawers. Styling yourself as new supervillain Captain Cupboard (it was the first name you came up with) you use your storage-based superpowers to wreak havoc across Australia, flinging cutlery, perishable goods, spare batteries, bed linen and other things you typically find in cupboards and drawers at anyone who stands in your way. Your first attempted bank robbery ends in failure, however, when you throw some crockery at a Westpac security guard and he shoots you in the leg.

Taurus An old flame gets in touch and, to your deep

shock, reveals that you have a five-year-old son you never knew about. This news is doubly surprising if you’re a woman.

Virgo You write a Christmas book about a magical teenage snowman called Fappy who can’t stop masturbating. The other snowmen make fun of him for locking himself in the bathroom every night, but when Santa burns his hands while making some mince pies the night before Christmas Eve, he calls on Fappy to help jack him off so he has a good night’s sleep before Christmas Day. Merry Christmas everyone, and a fappy new year!

Gemini Congratulations it’s your birthday soon!

Unfortunately your celebrations are somewhat soured when America and North Korea fire nuclear missiles at each other killing billions and making half the world uninhabitable for decades to come. On the plus side, you get a lovely cheesecake with a candle in it. And it’s red velvet too! My favourite.

Sagittarius It’s a little known fact that the word “Sagittarius” is a derivation of the words “Sad git hairy arse”, it just got contracted over the centuries. Fittingly, this month you decide to get anal bleaching and electrolysis for your unfathomably fuzzy keister.

JOKES Two old women were sitting on a park bench.

A man wearing a trench coat walks up and flashes them.

One of the old women immediately had a stroke.

The other old woman couldn’t reach.

Evie, Melbourne A little boy says to his mother, “Mommy, I have diarrhoea can I have a Viagra?”

Mother replies, “What?!”

Boy says, “I have diarrhoea, can I take a Viagra?”

Mother replies, “You have diarrhoea? Why would you want a Viagra??!”

Boy says, “Well, isn’t that what you give daddy to make his shit hard?”

Megan, Sydney A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

Liam, Richmond This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy.”

I replied, “Well, which one are you then?”

Sophie, Fremantle I took a girl back to my house for sex last night.

After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.

“You’ll have to be really quiet,” I whispered, “My mum & dad are asleep.”

“I can see that,” she said, “Have you not got your own bed?”

Lorna, Geelong

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Joe, Cairns

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, answered: “Yes! I do!”

The thing is, the little Dimitri has no arms.

So the lifeguard doesn’t really trust him but the little Dimitri insists: “Yeah yeah I can assure you!”

The lifeguard finally tells him to give it a try.

Unexpectedly, the little Dimitri swims very well. To the point that the lifeguard asks him: “Where did you learn to swim like that?!”

Little Dimitri: “Oh I have experience. Each week-end my father brings me to the coast, throw me into the water and I have to get back to the shore really quick.”

Lifeguard: “Well… It’s a little bit harsh for a method, don’t you think?”

Little Dimitri: “Oh no it’s not that big of a deal. The most difficult part is to get out of the plastic bag.”

Phil, Margaret River

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool. The lifeguard asks to the class: “Does any one of you already know how to swim?”

Email your jokes to info@bbmlive.com

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

“Morning!” he said.

The other man replies, “No, just having a shit.”

Laura, Newcastle

www.bbmlive.com 39

Best Casinos In Australia It’s not just James Bond or Archer that look suave in a suit whilst playing their hand at roulette… so why not indulge yourself in a little blackjack at one of these fabulous casinos?

Jupiters Hotel & Casino Based across the Gold Coast, Jupiters boasts five restaurants, four bars and over 590 luxury guest rooms. The casino also has an entire floor dedicated to its casino, made up on 70 tables and over 1300 machines. Because of how spacious Jupiters is, there’s plenty of room for entertainment day in and day out. Including comedy gigs, music performances, dancing, movie marathons, trivia nights, live sports and more!

1 Casino Drive, Broadbeach www.jupitersgoldcoast.com.au Crown Resorts Crown Resorts has a complex in London, Melbourne and Perth, and will be opening their third in Sydney in 2019. Crown Perth, features two hotels, a day spa, salon and a fitness centre. It also includes over 10 restaurants and a range of bars and nightclubs to appeal to all guests.

Great Eastern Highway, Burswood, Perth 8 Whiteman Street, Southbank, Melbourne www.crownresorts.com.au

Wrest Point Hotel Casino Being Australia’s first casino, Wrest Point Hotel Casino is a must visit if you’re off on a weekend away to Tasmania. The boutique casino features table games like Blackjack, Roulette and Texas Hold’em Poker, while Riverview and Boardwalk gaming areas hold the machines.

Four bars and five restaurants offer food and drinks with stunning views of the waterfront. All overnight stays include use of the luxury features such as the gym, sauna, spa, pool, tennis court and mini golf course.

410 Sandy Bay Road, Sandy Bay, Tasmania www.wrestpoint.com.au The Star An entertainment centre sitting on the banks of Sydney Harbour, The Star boasts nine bars, two hotels, 12 eateries, a spa, a swimming pool and a casino floor. The Event Centre hosts some of the biggest names in the world and their live tours. From comedy nights to DJ sets, dance classes and festival preparties, there’s always something going on. The casino are currently undergoing a project named “The Ultimate Poker Experience”, so their current casino equipment is in a temporary location next to Cherry Bar. Following a multi-million dollar redesign, the transformation is hailed to be the ultimate poker experience.

80 Pyrmont Street, Pyrmont www.star.com.au

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