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EXPAT HANGOUTS ODIN TAVERN Odin Tavern boasts an impressive layout of facilities with an outdoor beer garden, full TAB set-up and pool tables available near the sports bar.

51 Erindale Road, Balcatta, Perth www.odintavern.com.au

CROWN PERTH

Sydney CHURCHILLS SPORTS BAR Chruchill’s have an exceptional menu where you can enjoy a schnitzel and beer for just $15.

532 Anzac Parade, Kingsford, NSW churchillsbar.com.au

THE CRICKETERS ARMS A firm favourite amongst Surry Hills locals, The Cricketers Arms serves up excellent meal deals such as $12 fish and chips, as well as drinks specials such as $5 house wine! You’ll even find great DJs alongside all this for a great night out.

106 Fitzroy Street, Surry Hills www.cricketersarmshotel.com.au

THE BAT & BALL HOTEL From 10kg buckets of chicken wings to one of the best roast dinners in town, the Bat & Ball

will keep you fed and watered all week with nightly meal deals at great prices.

Corner of Cleveland & South Dowling Streets, Sydney www.parksidebar.com.au

TURF BAR The Turf Bar is a frequent favourite of BBM Live’s, it is one of the most well equipped sports bars in Victoria and will be a popular watering hole for the Ashes Tour.

131 Queen Street, Melbourne Turfbar.com.au

P.J. O’BRIENS This Irish themed chain of pubs will certainly give you the feel of a traditional Irish pub. With live trad music, Guinness, Sunday roasts, pies and more, it’s the perfect place to cosey up on a Sunday for some TLC in the form of great ales and comfort food!

Southgate Restaurant &

Shopping Precinct, Southbank www.pjobriens.com.au

THE CRAFTY SQUIRE The Crafty Squire is a premium craft beer venue with a wide (and delicious) selection of brews on tap.

127 Russell Street, Melbourne www.thecraftysquire.com.au

Perth ROSIE O’GRADY’S Full of Irish charm, this Irish pub in Northbridge is where you can enjoy happy hour from Monday to Friday as well as live traditional Irish music and live sports! You’ll also find great food deals every day of the week between $10-$15.

205 James Street, Northbridge www.rosieogradys.com.au

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Claiming to have ‘Australia’s biggest sports bar screens’ the Crown Perth is where you go if you are a real hardcore fan and don’t want to miss a pixel of action.

Great Eastern Highway, Burswood, Perth www.crownperth.com.au

Brisbane

Street, Brisbane www.pignwhistle.com.au

MICK O’MALLEYS Another great Irish pub in Brisbane, you can enjoy their Thursday special from 5-9pm every week, including BBQ Pork Ribs, slow cooked and smoked with fries, coleslaw and an ice cold stubbie of Coors beer. You can also keep up with all the latest live sport including NRL, AFL, NFL, NBA and EPL throughout the week. And what’s more is their bottle shop is open til 9pm most nights and 11pm on Fridays and Saturdays!

171 - 209 Queen Street, Brisbane www.mickomalleys.com.au

GILHOOLEYS One of Brisbane’s most popular Irish Taverns, Gilhooleys is where you’ll find a proper meal straight from the grill, including their Friday steak deal and ribs for just $18.95 each. Fridays are also topped off with live music from 4.30pm.

Corner of Albert & Charlotte Street, Brisbane www.gilhooleys.com

PIG AND WHISTLE The Pig and Whistle has a style and ambience all of its own and claiming a reputation as a ‘classic British pub’ get ready to fight for the best seats with some hardcore fans.

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The Richies Commentate Rivalry on the Sydney Harbour Bridge (SHB) For the 2017/18 Ashes Test Series In celebration of the upcoming Ashes, and in tribute to late cricket icon Richie Benaud, we captured some tongue-incheek, fun and energetic visions of ‘The Richies’ commentating a journey of some competitive Aussies and English cricket fans, climbing to the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

It was a great to be out in the “white or the off-white or the bone no it was the grey” for the SHB 2017 Test Series, as Australia and England went head-to-head in a gallant race to the summit of Sydney Harbour Bridge commentated by the late cricket icon Richie Benaud, in the form of fan base ‘The Richie’s’.

The meeting of these two icons was well over due and the traditional test cricket opening of “Welcome everyone to a marvellous day here at the SHB” made for an exciting days play on the arches of the SHB. The Richie’s, alongside the competitive Aussies and the composed English, relished every moment of the 1,000 step bucket

list journey, commentating wittily on the fearless displays of rivalry.

Passion and patriotism shone as brightly as the Sydney sun, over the sparkling harbour.

Two strong teams competing for glory.

England in splendid form took the advantage arriving early for check-in, then squandering their lead drinking tea.

Australia reclaimed the home-ground advantage, as the first to secure their safety harnesses on to line that runs the distance of the Climb journey. No positional changes from that point safeguarded their lead.

During the ascent of the magnificent arches, it was hard to tell the teams apart, both showing great skill and determination, and both dressed in grey.

The battle came to a halt half way up the arch, for one of the customary photo stops.

Australia looked set to take the winning shot, until the Sniko replay confirmed an embarrassing LBF (Limb before Face).

The teams stayed focused on their goal, reaching the summit 134 metres above the harbour. The hearty chanting of “Barmy Army” and “Aussie Aussie Aussie” finally fell quiet, as both teams took in breathtaking 360 degree views of the great host nation.

And when Climb Leader cameras came out for a final victory shot, rivalry was put

aside and arms put around each other, for Sydney’s must-have photo; the group shot at the summit of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, complete with Sydney Opera House in the Background.

“Who will win on the day, either way we can all agree that just being able to walk with these giants is reward enough. Where ever you are in the world, enjoy your test Season, and enjoy cricket.”

After the descent down the west back to the BridgeClimb base, The Richies re-cap summarised the spirit of the day, “Yes what we have just witnessed here is a show of great sportsmanship, not only between individuals, but between two great nations.

It’s fair to say that everyone leaves a victor for the 2017 SHB test series”.

BridgeClimb offers a truly memorable experience, perfect for special occasions, family adventures, team building and corporate events. Information on and tickets for all BridgeClimb experiences are available at www.bridgeclimb.com or call (02) 8274 7777.

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FUNNY SPORTS AND UK NEWS

Everybody needs bad neighbours In a shoot-your-own-foot scenario worthy of even the most embittered Brexit supporter, a woman in Cambridgeshire has invited travellers to live on her big block of land - because she wants to piss off her snobby neighbours.

Linda Watson, 48, said she would be the ‘happiest woman going’ if travellers took up her offer to stay on the land in Kirtling because she thinks people who live in the village are ‘up their own arse’.

“We have a fantastic plot of land.

Two and a half acres. It’s got electric, water, scenery – it’s a gorgeous place,” she said.

“I would be the happiest woman going if I could get travellers on my land. In an ideal scenario, I’d love them to buy it – but I’m going to walk away. My only stipulation is that they ruin the village.

Physical education at university New university students in Manchester have been offered the chance to blow their student loans on, well, being blown thanks to a former porn star.

As well as all the usual stalls for chess clubs, surf clubs and watching-Countdown-in-theafternoon clubs, former hardcore “actress” Kat Lee was dishing out flyers and wristbands advertising

Everyone in Kirtling is so far up their own arse.”

The spite invite has been sparked by the local council constantly knocking back her planning applications, including a small home for herself and her partner.

She currently lives in a caravan on the land, where she has worked as a horse rehabilitation professional for seven years.

She said: “The district council have spent thousands on parts of the area. But with travellers next door to them, how much will it be worth then? The council called me earlier to say that I can’t do it. But I will do it. At the end of the day, travellers have had nowhere to stay, I’m providing a solution.

She added: “We won’t be in this country by the end of October – so I tell you this, travellers will be living here in September.”

So if any English backpackers are reading this and still have the travel bug when you get home, why not head to Kirtling, set up camp and throw human faeces all over the place. It’s what Linda would want. her services at Manchester University for freshers week.

Kat – an escort of 13 years – insisted she was trying to help pupils who are virgins and are too shy to approach a girl for a date let alone have sex with them.

“These are young guys who are not confident around women and haven’t popped their cherry. I thought by giving out wristbands to students with my name and number on it would be ‘at hand’ and much easier for them to get in touch with me,” she said. At least we think that’s what she said, she had her mouth full at the time.

Free meals in the mourning Does the sight of distraught families and floral tributes tantailise your tastebuds? Does your stomach rumble when you sing maudlin hymns? And do you like wearing black?

If you said yes to all the above, then do we have an idea for you.

Straight from that bit in Wedding Crashers with Will Ferrell in it, comes the funeral crasher – the story of a woman in Berkshire who has attended every funeral at her local church for the last 14 years.

She also wolfs down the buffet

Gym bunny pumps iron You often hear gym obsessives saying things like “leg day Tuesday” or “chest day Friday”, but one bloke in Germany took things too far with “penis day Sunday” after getting his cock stuck in a gym weight.

Firefighters spent three hours using power tools to remove the

afterwards - and it’s starting to piss people off.

Father Noah Connolly, of the Holy Redeemer Church in Slough, said the religious woman for some reason believed it was her duty to attend services. It’s less clear why she has to stuff her face too.

Truly, the lord moves in mysterious ways. “Every funeral we have she comes and if there is a reception afterwards she makes her way to it without invitation,” said the clearly very gullible Father. dumbbell from the dumb bellend. We can only imagine why he did it. Surely if there’s one part of your body you don’t want to look ripped, it’s your testicles.

“One person had a very sensitive part of the body trapped in the hole of a 2.5 kg dumbbell disc,” said the unfortunately-named Worms fire service on Facebook, describing the call-out as “somewhat different”.

Engagement ring comes full circle As any married man will tell you, there’s no worse feeling than suddenly realising your wedding ring isn’t on your finger.

Of course, most of the time you’ve just forgotten to put it back on after visiting a dodgy Kings Cross massage parlour, but every now and again it genuinely gets lost.

That happened to Tatiana Fernandez, who works for Amazon in Scotland and unwittingly sent off her engagement ring in a package to Manchester after it fell off her finger at work.

She had no idea where it had gone until Amazon told her a customer had got in touch to say they had found it.

“It’s such a relief to get my ring back and I’d like to say a heartfelt thank you to our kind customer for returning the ring to me,” she said while her fiance popped off for a massage.

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS Keep things practical and stylish whilst you travel. As we step into spring we’re going for colourful comfort and practicality with these clever travel essentials and smart buys.

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Just running to the loo For those of you looking to lose weight, a long jog followed by some squatting is a great way to shed a few pounds.

One woman in Colorado Springs in the US seems to have gotten the wrong end of the shitty stick, however, as she has repeatedly jogged past a family’s home over the past two months - and often squats down to do a big dump in front of the house.

Mum Cathy Budde said the offender was first spotted by

Squeals on wheels for poor koala Halloween came early for a terrified koala in Adelaide recently after the poor eucalyptus muncher was found clinging to the underside of a car wheel arch and wailing in distress after an impromptu 16km road trip.

The driver had driven from his home in the Adelaide Hills district to the city when he heard “unusual sounds” and “crying” coming from his car. A quick scan

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her two children who caught the woman mid-squat, pants down and unashamed. She hoped the shocking incident was a one-off. But she claims she has since found human waste in the same spot once a week for almost two months.

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She has taken the matter to police and put up a sign outside her home which reads: “To the female jogger that continuously uses our walkway as her toilet:Please stop immediately!” of the car found a furry face and paw poking out from behind a front wheel, and an ungodly wailing noise.

Jane Brister, a Koala Rescue Specialist at Fauna Rescue expected the worst but the traumatised koala survived the incident with only some minor abrasions and “singed fur”.

“We don’t know how she got in there,” Brister said. “Koalas don’t normally crawl up into that spot [under the wheel], and the driver... did not feel he had hit anything.

At the end of the day it’s just incredibly lucky she survived, and it was great to be able to send her home.”

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Australian Music Week WHEN: 1st - 3rd November 2017

as workshop sessions, specially targeted Panels and Forums , Q&A sessions, and showcase concerts.

There’s just a few more weeks until Australian Music Week kicks off at Cronulla Beach.

AMAA

Australian Music Week is a creative event bringing together the music, film and entertainment industry for a few action packed days of performances and networking in Cronulla Beach - just 30 mins south of Sydney.

LIVE SHOWS During Australian Music Week you can see tons of live music from both up and coming and established artists. This year’s line up sees the likes of Crystal Cities, Eliza & The Delusionals, Fripps & Fripps, Gawurra, Hanlon Brothers, Lily Among Clouds and Rhythm Hunters.

CONFERENCE The conference element to the week allows up and coming artists and labels to showcase their talents in front key industry players as well as music fans in attendance.

Key industry in attendance will be Fran Daly of Troubador Music, Basil Cook of ABC Music, Sarah Guppy of This Much Talent, Peter Noble from Bluesfest, Magpie Johnston from Dashville and many more!

As part of continuing to develop the Americana genre and develop opportunities for artists and industry professionals alike, the AMAA will be teaming up with AMW. AMAA will bring together the community of musicians, songwriters, producers, photographers, videographers, venues, bookers, and publicists to network. During the conference the spotlight will shine on Americana music over the following two days at Australian Music Week Conference on November 2nd and 3rd, featuring a range of performance of some of their talented artists.

AUSTRALIAN MUSIC WEEK FILM FESTIVAL 2017

FAA

Accompanying the event will be a film festival, showcasing the best in musicrelated cinema (long and short form) across 5 days (October 30th to November 3rd), with special events and screenings. This will be an opportunity for up and coming filmmakers to screen their movies to Australia’s most influential and successful promoters, agents, venue bookers, managers, labels and media movers and shakers.

The Folk Alliance of Australia will also be teaming up with AMW to bring together key players from the folk scene including festival organisers, artists, arts workers and more in the form of networking activities such

Events will take place at various venues across Cronulla. You can get in on the action and witness some fantastic music and film by getting your tickets now at australianmusicweek.oztix.com.au

SYDNEY’S BEST: ELECTRONIC

Civic Underground 388 Pitt St, Sydney Genre: House, Techno, Disco Best Nights: Friday, Saturday www.facebook.com/civicunderground

Goodbar 11a Oxford St, Paddington Genre: House, Techno Best Nights: Friday, Saturday www.facebook.com/goodbarsydney

Chinese Laundry 111 Sussex St; Sydney Genre: House, Electro, Techno, Hip Hop, Drum and Bass Best Nights: Friday, Saturday Website: www.chineselaundryclub.com.au www.facebook.com/chineselaundryclub

SASH Sundays Home Night Club Darling Harbour, 1-5 Wheat Rd, Sydney

Genre: House Best Nights: Sunday Website: www.sash.net.au www.facebook.com/sashsundays

Greenwood Hotel 36 Blue St, North Sydney Genre: Dance, House, Techno Best Nights: Friday, Saturday Website: www.greenwoodhotel.com www.facebook.com/GreenwoodHotel

The Bunker 134 Oxford St, Darlinghurst Genre: House Techno Best Nights: Thursday, Friday, Saturday www.facebook.com/thebunk3r

Taylors Rooftop 69 - 73 Pitt street, Sydney Genre: Disco, House, Techno Best Nights: Friday, Saturday Website: www.republichotel.com www.facebook.com/Taylorsrooftop

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Let Them Eat Cake 2018 majestic grounds of our friend the mansion.

So raise a glass, tip your hat and let loose a roar, the new year is here friends, lets rise to the occasion.

New Years Day - 1st January 2018 11:00am – 10:30pm, Werribee Park 1st release tickets: $150 plus booking fee Tickets on sale 9AM Wednesday 6th September via www.letthemeatcakenyd.com.au Must See International & Locals Acts @ LTEC 2018

Âme (Live) (GER) “Austerity?” she bellowed in a less than regal manner.

“What is this proletarian concept! I shall hear nothing of it. This court will guzzle on indulgence like swine at the teat… Bring me gateaux, madeleines, cherry-clammed clafoutis, praline, profiteroles and the tortured pride of les révolutionnaires…”

Rollicking into its sixth year, how time flies when we are having fun. So far from the norm yet so close to the CBD, Cake is an architecturally abstract, sonically lush and audaciously indulgent gathering. A wild child of New Years Day. A hedonistic aristocrat of the fabled garden party.

Featuring a carefully curated cabal of the finest electronic DJs and live performers on plushly exotic hand built stages. Cake tastes surreptitiously indulgent. Artisinal food and cocktail bars will satisfy your every whim and there is art and fun to explore in the

Âme (pronounced “AHM”) offer glimpses of the future of electronic music through their live project, genre-melding compilations, and an independently run shop that completes the connection between artist and admirer. In a genre obsessed with reliving the past, Âme are focused on what’s still to come, just have a listen to the music signed to Innervisions, the label Âme co-runs alongside Dixon. At the upcoming Let Them Eat Cake festival punters will be treated to Âme’s master of live production, Frank Wiedemann. Polled by Resident Advisor readers as one of 2016’s Top 5 Best Electronic Live acts in the world, this will undoubtedly be an unforgettable performance from one of the world’s best. soundcloud.com/ame

Jackmaster (SCT) Over the last six years, Jackmaster, aka Glasgow’s Jack Revill, has established himself as one of the most admired and in-demand DJs in the world. This notion was further affirmed when he was voted #2 in Resident Advisor’s 2016 Top 100 DJ Poll. A product of the underground, his independent spirit remains intact, while he is equally at home sharing centre-stage

with the likes of Seth Troxler and Jamie Jones at DC10 in Ibiza or Ben UFO and Mike Servito at a Numbers warehouse party in London. His lack of musical prejudice, open-minded approach and ability to adapt to any given situation are just some of the reasons why year after year he has retained his popularity with the masses. There is never a dull moment during a Jackmaster set, so it comes as a hard task to think of a man better suited to help ring in the New Year on the lush green pastures of Werribee Mansion. soundcloud.com/jackmaster

Jasper James (SCT) 2016 was a landmark year in Jasper James’ career. He has now emerged from his roots as a leading tastemaker in Glasgow’s vibrant house scene and broke away from his peers to become more than just a ‘one-to-watch’.

He has become a respected touring DJ in his own right. A DJ and producer with talent that stretches beyond his years, he’s crafted his own brand of house and techno through DJ sets at some of the worlds most respected clubs such as fabric, The Warehouse Project, Smartbar, Lux, Bobbeaman and Sub Club. Although a regular player of club shows, Jasper is equally at home playing festivals such as Glastonbury, Secret Garden Party and more. After debuting in Resident Advisor’s Top 100 DJs last year at #69, there is a definite vibe around Jasper James that he is in for the long haul. soundcloud.com/ djjasperjames

Jon Hopkins (DJ set) (ENG) Until now, Jon Hopkins has been an elusive character, known to most as an expert producer, Ivor Novello-nominated composer of film scores, a remixer, and long term collaborator of Brian Eno and Coldplay. As Hopkins freely admits, his work with others overshadowed his solo albums (Opalescent, 2001; Contact Note, 2004 and Insides, 2009), but in doing so it meant that Hopkins has been able to quietly

5 MUST SEE ACTS AT THIS YEARS STRAWBERRY FIELDS FESTIVAL

Line Up Âme (Live) (GER) // Apparat (GER) // Bella Sarris (AUS) //Fantastic Man (AUS) Jackmaster (SCT) // Jasper James (SCT) // Jon Hopkins (DJ set) (ENG) // Kllo (Live) (AUS) Mall Grab (AUS) // Mike Callander (AUS) // Nadia Rose (ENG) // Nite Fleit (AUS) Palms Trax (GER) // Stephan Bodzin (Live) (GER) // The Gaslamp Killer (USA) // The Librarian (CAN) Tourist (Live) (ENG) // + more TBA develop his own identity, style and sound.

With the release of 2013’s Immunity LP and the incorporation of his profound live show, everything changed, and Hopkins emerged as one of the most revered practitioners of emotive electric music. After a stellar performance at Let Them Eat Cake in 2016, Jon Hopkins will be making his highly anticipated return to Werribee Mansion this coming New Years Day for a rare DJ set. soundcloud.com/jonhopkins

Nadia Rose (ENG) Hailing from Croydon UK, 24-year old Nadia Rose is perfectly poised to make her mark on the music world as she further drives to become one of the most talked about grime artists today. Rose began her career mainly making hip-hop, but she has since evolved into an artist that can write any genre of music. Combining all of her artforms together, Nadia has built an individual sound that has seen her recently signed to world leading record label, Sony/Relentless.

On the touring front, Nadia has played shows at Great Escape, Reading & Leads, Wireless, Boiler Room and Glastonbury.

Now, Nadia Rose is about to bring her fierce stage presence to the Let Them Eat Cake for the very first time. soundcloud. com/nadiarosemusic

Strawberry Fields 2017 Line Up 30/70 // AFTA-1 // Allysha Joy // Big Words // Billy Davis & the Good Lords // Extrawelt // Daniel Avery // DJ Manchild & Miss Goldie // Gabriel Garzon Montano // Hymns // John Course [Classic House Set] // Louis McCoy // Luca Lozano // Masego // Matthias Meyer // Nasty Mars // Noah Slee // Sampology // Snakefloss vs Sparklepants // Tall Black Guy // Tim Engleheardt // Thankyou City // Virginia

Joining…

New South Wales is gearing up for yet another fantastic year at Strawberry Fields Festival this November, with a huge line up of musicians and artists descending on the wonderful location.

Paraic Walker gives you the run down the on the 5 artists you wont want to miss this year!

Sampa The Great: This amply named poet and singer songwriter is set to be one of the must-sees at this years Strawberry Fields Festival! The free spirited traveller was born in Zambia, is now based in Sydney, and trust us when we say she is taking Australian hip-hop by storm!

She has previously supported for the likes of Kendrick Lemar and Little Simz on their tours respectively. Expect fiery passion, rawness and effortless swagger in her performance. soundcloud.com/sampa-tembo

CC: DISCO: This veteran of the Melbourne club scene started out the old fashioned way – through

FM radio, but she has now reached heights I’m sure not even she could of imagined.

Expect house, boogie and disco in her set and you can rest assured you will not see one person standing still at her set. She evokes pure feelings in her performance and has been doing so since the tender age of 15. soundcloud.com/cc-disco

Harvey Sutherland and Bermuda: Harvey is a Melbourne based producer and keyboard player who is heading to Strawberry Fields with his live band Bermuda, named after his breakthrough 12”.

They consist of Graeme Pogson on drums and Tamil Rogeon on electric strings. The

three combined put on a show that consists of flair, pure energy and minimalism at its finest. soundcloud.com/harvey-sutherland

Total Giovanni: This fantastic five set earned their stripes through their visually stunning and high tempo live shows. With a mix of hip-hop, electric and indie it’s hard to tie these guys down to any one genre. Their reputation for turning small venues into pandemoniuminduced rooms is now being put to the test on the festival circuit with bigger crowds and spaces. Rest assured, they will not let you down. soundcloud.com/totalgiovanni

Andrew Weatherall: Andrew is man that has been around for what feels like forever now. He has carved out a well-respected career moving the sounds of Manchester in the late 90’s and mixing it with his distinct brand of techno.

He has also produced for artists like Primal Scream, Manic Street Preachers, New Order

’20 Years Of Rush Hour’ Ft. Antal, Hunee & Soichi Terada // Andrew Weatherall // Archie Hamilton // Aurora Halal // CC:DISCO! // DJ Bone // Fatima & Alexander Nut // Frankey & Sandrino // Francis Inferno Orchestra // Harvey Sutherland & Bermuda // Jnett // K+Lab // Lovebirds // Mall Grab // Monkey Safari // Monolink // Mr Scruff // Nicola Cruz // Optimo // Oxia // Peggy Gou // Sampa The Great // Sebastian Mullaert // The Teskey Brothers // Total Giovanni // Yo! Mafia // Yothu Yindi & The Treaty Project // Vaal // + more TBA and My Bloody Valentine. This British DJ has a chunky discography at his disposal so expect the unexpected when he descends on Strawberry Fields this November. soundcloud.com/andrew-weatherall Friday, 17th November — Sunday, 19th November The Wildlands @ Tocumwal, NSW Tickets: www.strawberry-fields.com.au/buy-tickets/

By Paraic Walker

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Oktobefest Comes To Australia Munich Brauhaus, Bavarian Bier Café and The Bavarian unveil Australia’s first Oktoberfest street parades Monday, 4 September 2017: Get ready for the biggest Oktoberfest party outside of Bavaria during six weeks of celebrations at Munich Brauhaus, Bavarian Bier Café and The Bavarian, which kick off with Australia’s first official Oktoberfest street parades in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane on Saturday, 16 September. From the official tapping of the first Oktoberfest bier keg, to the closing party on Sunday, 29 October there will be six weeks of traditional Bavarian feasting, entertaining family-friendly games and events, availability of all four limited-edition Oktoberfest biers on tap, live oompah-pah bands, and traditional festivities.

Celebrations begin at midday on Saturday, 16 September with a ceremonial tapping of the first Oktoberfest bier kegs at Munich Brauhaus South Wharf in Melbourne, Munich Brauhaus The Rocks in Sydney, and Bavarian Bier Café Eagle Street Pier in Brisbane, which signal the commencement of Australia’s first official Oktoberfest street parades.

The parades will see colourful collections of costumed entertainers singing, dancing and bringing a slice of Oktoberfest tradition to the streets before returning to the restaurants for parties, including pop-up bier tents and oompah-pah bands performing into the evening.

Children can join in the day-time celebrations with entertainers and face painters from 12pm3pm, and a games area and Kids Petting Zoo at Munich Brauhaus in Melbourne. At 3pm, pooches of all shapes and sizes are invited to don their best Oktoberfestinspired attire for the inaugural Dogs of Oktoberfest contest.

From Dalmations to Dachshunds, Bulldogs to Labradors, all dogs have a chance to win a trophy, doggy treats and an Oktoberfest bar voucher for their owner. Entry is $5 per pooch, which will be donated to Furry Friends Forever Rescue, along with $1 from every pretzel sold on the day. Register Dogs of Oktoberfest here. At 7pm, fight for the title of Pork Knuckle Eating Champion by devouring the famous crispy Bavarian pork knuckle in the fastest time.

All Bavarian restaurants will boast the availability of Löwenbräu Oktoberfestbier, Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier, Paulaner Oktoberfestbier and Spaten Oktoberfestbier, which have been imported direct from Bavaria to their bars for the festival.

Throughout the six-weeks of festivities customers at all restaurants can register to become an Oktober-Boss, proving their dedication to the legendary annual festival by completing a series of challenges: drinking a stein of each of the

four Oktoberfest biers, eating a schnitzel, a pork knuckle and a pretzel, and drinking a schnapps.

Those who achieve the ultimate Oktober-Boss status will receive prizes, including exclusive invitations to the Oktoberfest closing party.

German passport holders are eligible for a free bier upgrade (from a 300ml to a 500ml bier) during the six-week Oktoberfest celebrations (German photo identification is required).

For further information visit the official Oktoberfest website.

What - Australian Oktoberfest When - 16th September - 29th October

Headlining these amazing events is one of the world’s biggest, most loved and respected DJs: Carl Cox. Joined by his esteemed partner in crime Eric Powell, the dynamic duo’s ‘Mobile Disco’ will be entertaining the crowds for most of the day & will see the boys digging deep in their record crates to spin: old and new disco, jazz-funk, soul and classic house tunes. Fresh from the success of PURE in Ibiza the lads are ready to get ‘funky.’

Joining Carl and Eric for an incredible LIVE performance will be the Acid Jazz legends ‘Incognito.’ The Award Winning Brit Funk group will be performing some of their best loved classics including: Don’t You Worry Bout a Thing, Nights over Egypt, Always There, Parisienne Girl & more.

‘MOBILE DISCO’ DATES: Saturday 28th October – Botanic Gardens Mount Coot-tha, Brisbane Tickets: tickets.oztix.com.au

Ticket Cost - Free

Tickets: www.moshtix.com.au

www.munichbrauhaus.com

Saturday 4th November – ‘Return to Rio’ - Del Rio, Riverside Resort, Wisemans Ferry, NSW

Last seen in Australia for the Electric Gardens festival in January, Berlin’s &ME is back down under by popular demand this November. Since we confirmed this booking many months ago, we’ve been so excited to welcome &ME to the Harbour – an exclusive side show from the sold out Return to Rio festival no less. &ME perfectly blends techno and soulful house, marking him out as one of the most unique performers on the scene. He is a founding member of Keinemusik, a collective of Berlin-­based DJs and producers, and his first release for the label 'F.I.R' was an international smash. He also produces for Nic Fanciulli’s Saved Records and is one of the hottest DJs on the global circuit right now. &ME’s stirring house and techno will be set up perfectly by returning legends of The Island LIVE -­‐ Mantra Collective. Promoters of some of the finest parties in the city, our favourite Sydney trio are one of the most respected DJs on the scene playing everywhere from Lost Paradise and Subsonic to Return To Rio and S.A.S.H. We promise you, sunset has never sounded so good!

Completing the line-­up is Upon Access label boss Made in Paris. Her sound is fixed on the melodic drive of techno, tech house and deep moods, and through EP’s including 'Mass Movement' and ‘Dancing In The Dark’ Made in Paris has gained global support from the likes of Sven Vath, Pan-­Pot, Nicole Moudaber and Maceo Plex to name a few. You might also have heard her at Listen Out or Field Day festivals already, but now it’s time for MIP’s exclusive Island LIVE debut… and we can’t wait.

Tickets won’t stick around for long and are available from Eventbrite. Brand new for Season 4 are a limited number of Deluxe VIP Table Packages, so if you fancy partying in style or celebrating a Birthday this package is for you!

www.theislandlive.com.au/subscribe

After the success of taking ‘Mobile Disco’ in 2016 to Adelaide for the first time and into the city of Melbourne, Carl & Eric are excited to announce that for 2017 ‘Mobile Disco’ will now visit Mt Coo-tha Botanical Gardens, Brisbane, QLD and heading back to the Peninsula for a ‘Mobile Disco’ on ‘The Lawn’ at Mornington Racecourse, Mornington, Vic.

Where - Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane

The Island LIVE returned to Sydney Harbour with a bang last weekend featuring standout sets from headliners The Aston Shuffle and Bag Raiders for the epic launch party. The 4th Season is proudly presented by Tinder, UNDR Ctrl and Tropicool and for our second event of the series we’re turning it up a notch with our first international headliner of the summer.

Keinemusik star &ME will be joined by an all star cast of Mantra Collective and Made in Paris – both heroes of Sydney’s underground scene.

Friday 3rd November 2017, Sydney Harbour // 5-11pm

Featuring: Behind the Hits: Nights Over Egypt, Always There, Don’t You Worry Bout a Thing + more...

Sunday 29th October – ‘The Lawn’ Mornington Racecourse, Mornington

The Island LIVE

&ME // Mantra Collective // Made in Paris

CARL COX & ERIC POWELL ANNOUNCE 2017 ‘MOBILE DISCO’ FEATURING INCOGNITO!!

SOLD OUT (Sold out in 10 days) Sunday 5th November – S.C. Pannell Wines, 60 Olivers Rd, McLaren Vale, Adelaide SOLD OUT (Sold out in 48 hours) What: Carl Cox & Eric Powell Mobile Disco When: 28th October - 4th November Ticket Cost: $70 + www.moshtix.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 13

Marysville Jazz and Blues Weekend 2017 Meet the local food and wine vendors, join the music workshops and the performer’s street parade

Diva, Bo Jenkins, and young gun Charlie Bedford and many more.

Situated in the foothills of the Yarra Valley in the beautiful township of Marysville, the annual Marysville Jazz and Blues Weekend is just a 90min drive from Melbourne with a journey from Healesville through the majestic Black Spur.

Australian Hammond Quartet, Anita Harris, Billy Dettmer, Blind Creek Rhythm & Blues, Blue Like That, Blue Tango, Bo Jenkins

Bringing together locals and visitors for its third year, the Marysville Jazz and Blues Weekend will come alive on Friday 20 October – Sunday 22 October.

The award-winning festival is set to celebrate music, food, wine, and community.

Programming highlights for this year’s festival include Russell Morris, Geoff Achison & the Soul Diggers, Lloyd Spiegel, Mike Rudd and his band Spectrum, The Tracey Roberts Quartet, Anita Harris, Mama Alto, Shirazz, Eva To

JOBS. VISAS. LIFESTYLE. CULTURE. BBMLIVE.COM

Marysville Jazz and Blues Weekend 2017 Friday 20 – Sunday 22 October Russell Morris, Geoff Achison & The Soul Diggers, Lloyd Spiegel, Mama Alto, Spectrum, The Tracey Roberts Quartet

AMW box

PLUS

Charlie Bedford, Dandenong Ranges Hot Orchestra, Eva To Diva, Hey Gringo, plus many more

TICKETS ON SALE NOW! What: Marysville Jazz and Blue Weekend 2017 When: 20th 22nd October Where: Yarra Valley Ticket Cost: $50-125 All tickets and accommodation packages available from. marysvillejazzandblues.com

Australian Music Week

and introductions taking place throughout the program. These details will be revealed in the coming weeks.

Partycipation (UK)

Festival programmer Larry Heath (also the Director of the National Live Music Awards) said of the lineup reveal, "We're thrilled to debut a brand new Australian film festival with such a vibrant selection of music focused films from all over the world. We received thousands of submissions, and our only regret is that we couldn’t fit more into the program. I hope everyone finds the time to come out and be the first in Australia – and in some cases the world – to see these powerful and important works."

Psychedelic Porn Crumpets - Buzz (Australia)

The full list of included films and music videos are below.

Dead Language - The Man Who Killed My Father

May, Stonefield, Grace Knight (Eurogliders), Regurgitator, Mia Dyson and Mental As Anything.

Feature Films

WAAX - Wild & Weak

Take Me To The River (USA)

Caves ft. Hannah Joy - Here We Are

Also direct from MIFF, the festival is excited to hold the first NSW screening of Something Quite Peculiar: The Life and Times of Steve Kilbey (UK/Australia), and are delighted to welcome Steve Kilbey (The Church) to the festival, who will appear in a special Q&A after the screening. The festival will close with a special 30th Anniversary screening of the classic rock documentary Australian Made, which will also be accompanied by a very special Q&A to be announced soon.

Play Your Gender (Canada)

Stevie and the Sleepers - Young Again

Breaking The Mould (Australia) accompanied by audio engeneering (Germany)

Cosmo Thundercat - Warning Bell

Something Quite Peculiar: The Life and Times of Steve Kilbey (UK/Australia)

Explosions in the Sky - The Ecstatics

Australia Music Week is set to kick off later this month and this year, they’ll be launching the first ever Australian Music Week Film Festival arrives this October, screening a program of World and Australian Premieres across two venues from October 31st until November 3rd. The festival accompanies the annual Australian Music Week conference, which takes over Cronulla Beach for three days just outside of Sydney.

The festival will open with the Australian Premiere of the documentary Take Me To The River, presented in conjunction with the Memphis Convention & Visitors Bureau. In the acclaimed documentary, Terrence Howard narrates the tale of several generations of award-winning Memphis and Mississippi Delta musicians who have come together to create a historic new album they hope will transcend race and gender differences. The screening will take place at Event Cinemas on George Street at 7.30pm on Tuesday, 31st October.

The rest of the program will take over the GU Film House in Cronulla, with nightly feature screenings across three nights and a special short film and music video program to help close out the festival, showcasing filmmakers from Australia and all around the world. November 1st will open with a special program dedicated to women in music, with Play Your Gender (Canada) direct from the Melbourne International Film Festival as well as the world premiere of the Australian documentary Breaking The Mould, which features guest appearances from the likes of The Jezabels, Katie Noonan, The Grates, Jebediah, Abbe

A music video program accompanies the short film program, which will screen together on Friday, November 3rd, focusing on Australian artists including Confidence Man, Vera Blue, WAAX, CLYPSO, Cosmo Thundercat, Daggy Man, Wet Lips and Hachiku, directed by filmmakers from all over the world.

Special guest filmmakers and as well as talent from the films will be at select screenings throughout the week, with Q&As

Decks and the City (Australia) Garage Rockin’ Craze (Japan/Canada) Australian Made (Australia)

Western Jubilee (USA)

Music Video Program Wet Lips - Here If You Need Suss Cunts - Shit Friend Hachiku - Moonface Curt Manor - Adelphi Hotel Nightmare Daggy Man - A Lazy Kind of Pain

Vera Blue - Private

Confidence Man - Boyfriend CLYPSO - YOLO Hawksley Workman - Small Town Dracula

Shout at the Ground (New Zealand)

Tickets to all screenings are on sale now through Event Cinemas, with all screenings at GU Film House in Cronulla (located at 2 - 6 Cronulla Street) just $12 ($10 for CineBuzz members), plus applicable booking fees, while the opening night premiere at Event Cinemas on George Street will attract normal ticket prices.

The Music Stops Here (UK)

www.australianmusicweek.com

Trenches of Rock (USA)

Short Film Program Sound of the Future: HAITI (USA) Adrift (Australia/France)

14

THE 5 BEST EATERIES FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER IN MELBOURNE

For the Barmy Kind Your Australian Christmas in Melbourne will unlikely be feeling the same as it does in the winter grey that lingers over our British shores. We “Brits” remain forever hopeful of snow, whilst tucked in and cheering on the Ashes. Fortunately, with our most common disappointment over the weather, we at least have the greatest meal known to man that can warm our hearts… and our bellies.

However, why would one hope for snow when he can lounge his tipsy self in the blissful Australian sun, and smugly smirk at his less fortunate relations who are left to suffer a cold wet winter back home. What could such a person have to fear when thriving off such fortunate circumstances?

Perhaps his relations, dosed on wit, smirking back as they feast on the grandest meal of the year, whilst he is left clueless, wondering where on earth he will get his!?

Well, fortunately, we’ve taken the time to seek out 5 of the best Melbourne eateries to fill your bellies with a traditional Christmas lunch.

1. TURF BAR MELBOURNE

Melbourne’s premier sports bar is now taking bookings for Christmas 2017. The menu features a delicious three course meal (including a pot of local beer or a glass

of house wine) for just $70 per person! Children can also get involved with the $20 two course kids meal, which includes a soft drink.

Doors open at 11.30am for a midday lunch seating so be sure to book well in advance.

131 Queen Street, Melbourne, 3000 Call: 03 9670 1271 E turf@turfbar.com.au

2. P.J. O’ BRIENS MELBOURNE P.J. O’ Briens will be serving up a delicious traditional Christmas Day Lunch with all the trimmings. For just $70 per person you can enjoy a three course meal with a choice of entree, main & dessert by the river on Southbank. Children menus are also available at $20 per child 12 years & under, perfect for all the family.

Southgate Restaurant & Shopping Precinct, Southbank, Victoria

Call 03 9686 5011 E melbourne@pjobriens.com.au

3. EUREKA 89 MELBOURNE

Eureka 89 are excited to share their celebrations with you on Christmas day.

With high spirits Eureka 89 will welcome you with a Christmas inspired cocktail on arrival and cater you with a festive 4 course menu with the finest wines and premium beer on offer.

This Christmas dinner is priced fairly considering that what makes this event so memorable is not only the food, Eureka 89 is located on the top floor of the Eureka tower, giving you a 5 star view of one of the greatest cities in the world.

Bookings are Essential and open Monday 9th of October. Adults - $260, children - $160 and children under the age of 12- $80 (children’s menu available) Level 89, Eureka Tower, 7 Riverside Quay Southbank, VIC, 3006 Call: 03 9693 8889

4. LUDLOW BAR

Join the festivities at the Ludlow Restaurant/Bar for Christmas Day Lunch. The restaurant sits in a magic location that rests by the river overlooking the grand city of Melbourne. Tuck into a delicious 3 course set menu created by the Head Chef and enjoy your

Christmas lunch in style.

Pricing at $100 per person and $30 for children (with a 2 course menu) this is a perfect place to enjoy you Christmas lunch and the weather with your family.

Booking times are from 12 pm - 2 pm.

By the Yarra, Building 3, 6 Riverside Quay, Southbank, Melbourne Call: 03 9699 1676

5. HOPHAUS RESTAURANT MELBOURNE

You are invited to join and celebrate Christmas Day at Hophaus Melbourne for Christmas Lunch. Hophaus will be serving a delicious 3 course shared Bavarian feast designed by their Head Chef. Children menus are available; making this a perfect opportunity to bring the whole family and enjoy the festive spirit whilst fine dining by the river, overlooking Melbourne.

Adults - $95 and Children $30 (2 Courses - 12 years and under).

MR5, 3 Southgate Ave, Southbank, VIC, 3006 Call: 61 3 9682 5900 Top off your Ashes experience with a Traditional Christmas Lunch to remember. Do not hesitate another moment to get into contact with the restaurants to guarantee a booking.

OKTOBERFEST, HOPHAUS BRINGS MUNICH TO MELBOURNE! Bringing Munich to Melbourne, Hophaus invites you to join in celebrating all things Oktoberfest in the form of their very own ‘Hoptoberfest’! Located on the 2nd floor of Melbourne’s Southgate promenade the Hophaus guarantees you the Bavarian Bier Hall experience with a modern and fresh twist. And aside from the northern hemisphere home of Oktoberfest, there’s no better place to celebrate this German festival extravaganza whilst on soil down under!

The Hophaus venue is a living emblem, of German culture and centres around a glazed polychrome bier bar. Its’ art deco inspired dining hall delivers stunning sweeping city views across the Yarra and Flinders Street Station. With an open rotisserie-fired kitchen grub’s certainly up when you set foot through the door!

So from Saturday 16th September through to Sunday 22nd October make sure you head for some ‘Hoptoberfest’ fun at Southgate! Grab you lederhosen and dirndl and prepare to experience the German inspired traditional festivities.

The opening event is inclusive of German biers, a sausage eating challenge, strongman competition, German games and Live German tunes from the

band ‘Black Forest’ – it’s set to be a great party! Beyond that there is an epic line up of activities and events planned for the following weeks. From the Spiegelau Beer Tasting Event to Brewmanity’s Beer vs Beast Dinner, Giant Schnitzel Challenge to the Annual Dachshund Race, live music to trivia, there’s an event to suit every festivity seeker!

Don’t delay! Grab you mates and share in all things ‘Hoptoberfest’ at Hophaus Melbourne. We highly recommend you get in early and book a table to celebrate this Oktoberfest.

Event days are set to be buzzing! Book online or call 9682 5900. Book your table online at hophaus.com.au HopHaus is also taking Christmas Bookings – Don't miss out!

www.bbmlive.com 15

Discovery Recommends:

Pitch Music & Arts 2018

Diesel Bar & Eatery, which is owned by Jamie Nasser, is a Manhattan inspired venue located in this heritage listed building at 202 Little Lonsdale Street.

With a dining experience that is as much about the atmosphere as it is about the Melbourne inspired menu, Diesel Bar & Eatery is offering a surreal and unique fusion of decadence, grunge and glamour.

Designed by Wendy Bergman from Bergman & Co, inspiration has been taken from the building’s previous tenant Diesel clothing, resulting in an eclectic, provocative and distinctive atmosphere.

With unusual features, the new Diesel Bar & Eatery houses many artistic creations including an African gazelle overhanging from the walls, along with a bespoke, rib-

like chandelier spanning the entire roof and stunning mural on the second level created

by Australian artist, Graeme Galloway.

The mix of industrial and authentic details with a seductive edge Diesel Bar & Eatery creates a unique dining and drinking experience unlike any other.

Pitch Music & Arts 2018 will feature some of the planet’s most sought-after acts including Sven Vath, Maceo Plex, Marcel Dettmann, The Black Madonna and more...

www.dieselbar.melbourne 202 Little Lonsdale Street

Building on its now echoing precedent, Pitch Music & Arts 2018 will possibly feature the most credible collection of contemporary dance acts to ever perform in Australia at one event.

Facebook – Diesel Bar Melbourne Instagram - @dieselbar.melbourne Hashtags - #dieselbarmelb

Following the recent announcements that Pitch Music & Arts will host techno legend Len Faki, The Black Madonna (Mixmag’s

2016’s DJ of the year), the Australian debut live perfomance of Irish house duo Bicep, and USA’s fastest rising techno star Avalon Emerson, come the full international lineup (plus a handful of local artists)...

With over 30 international guests, the lineup is an absolute treat for any discerning electronic music lover, and includes massive names like live electronic duo Booka Shade; Berghain resident Marcel Dettmann; German House pioneer Motor City Drum Ensemble; electronic jazz auteur Floating Points; post-dubstep duo Mount Kimbie; Dekmantel house favourite Tom Trago; the return of Diynamic mainstay HOSH; Visionquest main man Seth Troxler, plus many more!

Friday 10th March - Monday 13th March Location: Mafeking, Victoria Tickets: Pre-sale access from 10th October General Release from 12th October www.pitchfestival.com.au

16 English fan: “You’re *%!~ Hayden, and so is your chicken casserole.”

3. Derek Randall vs Dennis Lillee Derek Randall takes the motto “show no pain” to ridiculous heights, after taking a bouncer straight to the head which was released by the thundering arm of Dennis Lillee.

The Top 5 Ashes Sledging From Australia and England The opening day of the 20172018 Ashes Series is starting to peer above the horizon.

Tickets are rapidly selling out, garden cricket is now being played religiously and every self-proclaimed cricket wiz is strategizing bullet proof batting line ups; everything is being done to release tension from a festering anticipation.

Between the Australian fans and the English “Barmy Army”, there will be a bat and ball game of speculation over who will take the lead from the currently tied statistics at 32 wins each. And with both teams having made dramatic changes over recent years, the results of this Test Series in particular, will suggest the new rising kings of Test Cricket.

Ultimately, the proof shall be within the pudding and all arguments shall be settled.

However, in the interest of English and Australian Cricket Fans, a very real and ongoing match is the argument over which team can produce the greatest sledging, as it has entertained us to no end throughout the years. Here are 5 sledges from each end of the pond.

Top 5 of The English Sledging The Aussies 1. Ian Botham vs Rodney Hogg As Rodney Hogg steam rolled down the wicket, bowling to Ian Botham, he lost his balance and stumbled at the England player’s feet..

Botham: “I know you think I’m great Hoggy, but no need to get down on your knees.”

2. English fan vs Matthew Hayden The Barmy Army cricket fans can also find it difficult to rise above verbal bowling, as one had cunningly displayed when abusing Matthew Hayden over his cricket skills and his newly released cook book.

Randall: “No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage.”

4. Michael Atherton vs Ian Healey Michael Atherton had a subtle and witty response for Ian Healy, after accusing him of cheating.

Healey: “You’re a %^&#ing cheat.”

Atherton: “When in Rome dear boy...”

5. Phil Tufnell vs The Umpire A livid Phil Tufnell took his dismay out on the umpire after his fruitful appeal against Dean Jones was denied.

Tufnell: “Are you bloody blind?”

2. Ian Healey vs Nasser Hussain The England skipper Nasser Hussain found himself at the crease and also at the end of Steve Waugh’s, Ricky Ponting’s and Ian Healy’s abuse as they discussed fielding tactics.

Waugh shouts to Ponting: “Field at silly point. I want you right under his nose.

Healy: “That could be anywhere inside a three-mile radius.”

3. Dennis Lillee vs Mike Gatting Mike Gatting is famously known for being on the larger side and thus, became an easy target for sledging from Dennis Lillee.

Lillee: “Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can’t see the stumps.”

4. Bill Woodfull vs Douglas Jardine In the infamous ‘Bodyline’ series, the extremely well conducted England Captain Douglas Jardine expressed his concerns to the Australian Skipper Bill Woodfull, after just been sworn at.

Jardine: “Your slip just swore at me.”

Umpire: “I beg your pardon?”

Woodfull: “All right, which one of you bast###’s called this bast### a bast###?”

Tufnell: “Are you fucking deaf as well?”

5. Merv Hughes vs Graeme Hick

Top 5 of The Aussies Sledging The “English Pommies”

The England batsman Graeme Hick unfortunately never came to fulfil his talent on the international stage and Hughes eagerly shared his thoughts with Hick.

1. Glenn McGrath vs Michael Atherton Australia’s Glenn McGrath flexed his abuse with an old Australian classic on the English skipper Michael Atherton.

Hughes: “Mate, if you just turn the bat over you’ll find the instructions on the other side.”

Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat.

Perhaps it is still up for debate which team has produced the most glorious sledging over the years, and as the days full shorter, we will also discover which team will take the lead with the most Ashes wins to date.

McGrath: “No, No, the other end.”

By Dominic Ginley Hine

McGrath: “Athers, it would help if you got rid of the $#!^ at the end of your bat.”

www.bbmlive.com 17

INTERVIEW TIPS

How Do I Get Local Job Experience If Nobody Gives Me a Chance?

This post is an indirect response to a conversation I shared with a frustrated immigrant, who was yet to find employment in Australia, regardless of his relentless efforts. “I am a qualified accountant with many years’ experience”, he complained, he wanted some advice on how he could overcome this.

Years ago, I met with a wonderful candidate who had a terrible story to tell. He was working in a fabulous position in India (a senior financial position) when he was approached by a company that told him to leave that role and come to Australia.

The company made promises of work, and this man wanted the best life for his children, so he left his job, sold his house and moved to the lucky country.

When he arrived, he went to this company and found out that they were a third party agency who would provide sponsorship “IF” he found himself a job. He had 28 days to find work or be deported out of the country. Not long after this, the government cracked down on these shoddy agents offering sponsorship to overseas people. But that didn’t solve this guy’s problem. He was now living in a tiny apartment in Western Sydney with his family, desperately seeking accounts clerical work, because nobody was going to employ him without local qualifications and experience.

He ended up working in tax accounting and was able to slowly build his career back from there.

I tell you this story as an example of the challenges new immigrants face when looking for work in Australia.

Here are some reasons why it is so hard for new immigrants to find work: • Y our qualifications may not be recognised locally.

This includes degree and professional qualifications.

• You have no local work experience. This is a vicious circle, because how do you get experience if nobody employs you because you have no local experience?

• You may have poor verbal communication skills.

• Your resume is not appropriate for the kind of work that you are likely to get.

• Be selective and only include relevant jobs

How Do I Get Local Job Experience If Nobody Gives Me a Chance?

There is no magic answer to any of this. I can’t tell you that by rewriting your resume that you WILL find work. All I can say is that you can improve your chances if you: • S tudy a local degree (or conversion course), which then allows you to obtain your CPA qualifications.

• W ork on your communication skills (if they are holding you back). If English is your second language, then teach yourself to speak slowly and as clearly as possible to overcome these challenges. Speak English as much as possible (e.g. at home) to get the practice and to expand your vocabulary.

• Rewrite your resume to demonstrate that you are ‘hands on’. If an employer thinks you have been working at a senior level for too long, they will assume you have had other people to do the work for you. So make sure you detail your ability to get in and do the work yourself.

Understand that you are unlikely to find work at a senior level in Australia with no recognised qualifications or experience.

• Apply for roles at a relevant level.

A word on how to get a job with no local experience Your best chance of getting work with no local experience is with temporary work. Clients are more willing to consider overseas candidates if the consultant is confident they can do the work – often this requires you to do work at a lower level than you would have done in your home country. Once you get temp work, work hard and try hard to exceed expectations. This will lead to more work and will give you that local Australian experience that can lead to long term options.

If you feel rusty using Excel, ask your consultant to send you online Excel training, which you can use to brush up your skills.

Be realistic The world of accounting has changed. Ten years ago, we couldn’t find good accountants to save ourselves. Now, university graduates are struggling to find work. Companies have offshored clerical accounting roles, and others have developed large shared service functions, which are often located in one central location, removing opportunities in branches or interstate. Good roles can be hard to come by, and clients are demanding a lot more for their money. We see more applications for accounting roles now, and there is definitely more competition for good jobs.

Client expectations are getting harder to meet, but they are also less likely to compromise – electing to wait for the perfect person rather than lower their standards for someone with less

than ideal experience. This means that the recruitment process takes longer for everyone involved. Your key to success is flexibility and a willingness to roll your sleeves up and get on with the work.

Need help finding a job down under? Visit people2people.com.au

18

RECRUITMENT

EXPAT Top Tips On Writing A Hospitality Job CV

TAX WISE Tel : 08 9248 8124 Fax : 08 9463 6208 mairead@taxwiseaustralia.com.au PO Box 1874, Malaga 6944 www.taxwiseaustralia.com.au www.taxwise-australia.com

When on an Australian Working Holiday Visa grabbing a job with a hospitality agency is the perfect fit to suit any wanderlust lifestyle!

Firstly it’s a great way to build up your travel fund. On the whole, agency work tends to be better paid than regular employment.

Secondly you will receive training and more often than not a uniform.

So no need to drag your shirt and suite half way across the world!

And last but not least, agency work gives you the ultimate flexibility to accommodate a perfectly balanced work and travel lifestyle!

EXPRESS TAX

Level 6, 155 Castlereagh St Sydney, NSW, 2000 1800 739 739 +61 (0) 2 9267 3200 www.expresstaxback.com.au

Shipping article by Michael Spicer at Seven Seas Worldwide

GREEN MIGRATION

Registered Migration Agent – 1464351 Little City Studio 118 Prospect Road, PROSPECT SA 5082 +61 8 417 837 973 zoe@greenmigration.com.au www.greenmigration.com.au

OPTIMA MIGRATION

Registered Migration Agent - 0532045 Subiaco Business Centre/ Suite 5, 531 Hay St Subiaco WA 6008 + 61 8 93808397 | M: 0409130865 lidia@optimamigration.com.au www.optimamigration.com.au

IMMIGRATION HELP CORPORATE OFFICE (AUSTRALIA)

181 Marion Road Richmond, Adelaide, SA 5033, Australia Phone: +61 8 8123 6039 | Fax: +61 8 7200 7536 Mobile No: + 61 0433303774 Email:contact@myimmigrationhelp.com www.myimmigrationhelp.com

MOVE MIGRATION PTY LTD

Registered Migration Agent MARN: 1382250 104/3 Eden Street North Sydney NSW 2060 Email: Eugene.Liu@movemigration.com.au Web: movemigration.com.au

TAXBACK.CO.UK

Sydney based, boutique hospitality agency, Black and White Waiters, specialise in providing waiting and bar personnel for the luxury, private and corporate events sectors. They’ve given our readers a sneak peak into how to draft the perfect application to get you through the door to interview.

BACKPACKER TAX REFUNDS

Match your Resume to the Job Description No two jobs should be applied for with an identical resume! Scrutinise the job advert, job description and company website. Identify the key words: skills, qualities and attributes, in addition to the requirements of the role. The more keywords that feature within your resume, the more likely it is that the recruiter or hiring manager will identify you as being a good fit for the role.

And REMEMBER, if you’ve not worked in hospitality before, think about what skills sets relate to the job, such as ‘people skills’, ’organising’, ‘working in a team’, ‘corporate events’, etc.

Claim back your uk tax refund info@taxback.co.uk www.taxback.co.uk

First Floor, 1A Morts Road Mortdale NSW 2223 +61 (0) 2 8065 5668 info@backpackertaxrefunds.com.au www.backpackertaxrefunds.com.au

CONTACT marketing@ what-media.com to advertise your services.

Make sure you stand out, as you will be going up against people who have more relative experience - especially in Australia where hospitality is seen as more of a long term, life career.

Define your Attributes Now you’ve identified the keywords you need to match these to your specific attributes and characteristics to demonstrate that you are perfect for the role. If it helps, draw up a list of your qualifications, awards, work experience and skills and identify where the keywords can fit among these.

A Focused Application A well-rounded application should include your resume and a cover letter, both of which should be concise, easy to read and relevant to the role.

When writing your cover letter start by explaining exactly why you are the perfect candidate. Follow this by summarising your key skills and expertise, demonstrating suitability by drawing upon real examples.

Don’t be afraid to use bullets points or subheadings to draw attention to specific skills. This will focus the hirer’s attention on those all-important areas.

Follow this simple tips and fingers crossed you’ll smash your application and receive an invitation to interview.

From here on it’s down to your wonderful self - be motivated, fresh, positive and vibrant! For more information on hospitality opportunities in Sydney, get in touch with Black and White Waiters today! blackandwhitewaiters.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 19

Have Yourself A Merry Little Deadline It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right, October. Please accept our apologies for having to bring up Christmas already but the crucial cut-off point for sending items from Australia to the UK has arrived again.

Yes if you want to ensure Christmas gifts to friends and family arrive before December 25th you need to think about sending your items now. And thanks to our good friends at Seven Seas Worldwide here’s a list of hints and tips about what to send and how to send it.

First of all make it clear on the box the type of item that you’re sending. Customs officials aren’t fans of ambiguity.

State the contents on the documentation to avoid possible inspections.

It’s best to avoid sending alcohol or tobacco unless you want to pay extra duties.

And while we’re on the subject of items not to send, make sure your gift does not consist of pharmaceutical products, plants, anything made from real animal skin, vegetables, weapons or weapons made out of vegetables.

Make sure your item is light and small. Sending large or heavy items overseas will always be a costly affair so be sensible about what you intend to send.

Seven Seas Worldwide ship all manner of gifts and care packages throughout the world so talk them today to see what they can do for you.

Pack your item as safely as possible. Yes to wrapping paper, yes to bubble wrap, but if you want to be on the safe side, why not keep your gift in its original packaging? Or find a box of your own to rehouse it. Your item is going on a long, occasionally bumpy trip so make sure you do all you can to keep it protected.

Plus visit the website www.sevenseasworldwide.com and get a free online quote now. And don’t forget, BBM Readers get a 5% OFF Seven Seas Worldwide Shipping - just quote BBM on your application or when you call.

Sending an item by sea will take longer but air freight is much more expensive so get your skates on and send your items now!

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RECRUITMENT TIPS

Preparing to apply for teaching positions in Australia Working at the heart of some of the best schools in Australia and the UK, partners of TES, Smart Teachers, deliver premium recruitment services for teaching professionals looking to relocate and work between Australia and the UK. For UK teaching professionals seeking opportunities to work in Australia, Smart Teachers give an insight to our readers on the top 3 considerations when preparing to apply for work in Australia.

CV Presentation There are a few basics to get right for making your CV stand out to a recruiter or hiring Head Teacher Follow the following steps: •

•

•

•

o more than 3 pages! On N average an employer looks at a CV for no more than 90 seconds – be concise and keep it relevant.

Include what visa you are travelling on. As a recruiter, the ‘right to work’ is the first thing I search for on a CV! Consider including a professional photo. Make sure you are wearing professional attire with a basic background. Do not include any photos of students or consider a selfie as appropriate!

Explain gaps in your CV. If you have worked in another industry that is not relating to teaching, don’t remove it; just limit the content to a few sentences at most. Be mindful

•

•

•

- that Head Teacher doesn’t really need to know a detailed list of your responsibilities at Sainsbury’s! Include voluntary work, work experience and training courses. Again if they are not strictly relevant to teaching keep explanations to a minimum.

Evidence of Extra Curricular Activities. Involvement in extra-curricular activities is an aspect highly sought after

by Australian schools. Any involvement in coaching, after school clubs and school visits should be clearly highlighted on your CV. Save space - Don’t include your A level or GSCE results on an Australian CV. The education systems are very different and do not directly translate. Australian teachers tend to not put their VCE/ HSC results on their CVs. Finally, spell check!

Applying for Teaching Jobs The best time to come to Australia is September or October. The reason for this is it’s Australia’s busiest teaching recruitment period. The academic year begins with Term 1 at the end of January

CARPENTERS. ELECTRICIANS. CHEFS RECRUITERS. NURSES. SKILLED JOBS. BBMLIVE.COM/JOBS Our clients are seeking professionals from overseas to fill a range of jobs across Australia. If you’re serious about staying in Australia and are seeking permanent employment or looking at skilled visas options, we want to hear from you.

If you’re coming to the end of your first or second year working holiday visa, or if you’re already in employment and are looking for a new sponsor please get in touch with our team asap. Our clients are looking for top talent and willing to sponsor for the right candidates.

Call 02 8005 8162 or email your CV to jobs@bbmlive.com

and runs all the way through to December. Recruitment for Term 1 takes place in September or October. If you are in Australia around this time, you can meet Head Teachers for interviews faceto-face, which is always preferred.

Preparing for Interview It is vital that you spend time researching the curriculum of the state you are intending to teach in so you can draw upon

this knowledge at interview. One of the main reasons for overseas applicants being unsuccessful in securing a position is due to their lack of knowledge in this area.

Remember you are up against Australian qualified teaching professionals who have grown up and trained in the curriculum and therefore they are at a distinct advantage if you are not up to speed!

If you are considering a move

down under to further pursue your teaching career to warmer climates then get in touch with Smart Teachers for friendly support and advice on the processes you may need to complete. Utilising the support of a recruitment agent such as Smart Teachers can offer real peace of mind when looking at a big move.

For more information get in touch with Smart Teachers at smartteachers.co.uk

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WWW.BBMLIVE.COM/JOBS

Top 10 Tips for Chefs seeking permanent jobs in Australia Moving to Australia to work as a chef can be an excellent career move. Not only are there great job opportunities, increasing rates of pay and flexible working hours available, but the chilled out Aussie lifestyle means you’re sure to spend all your time off relaxing on the beach or enjoying a new hobby (surfing anyone?). If you’re interested in finding a permanent role as a chef Down Under then look no further! We’ve put together our top 10 tips for securing your dream job to help you get on your way.

1. S ecure a visa. As a chef is one of the jobs on the Skilled Migration List you can apply for a General Skilled Migration visa which provides stable, long-term employment.

2. A pplying for a visa can be a complicated and daunting process. To make sure you get it done correctly we recommend using a Registered Migration Agent, who will ensure the application is as straightforward and pain free as possible.

3. D ecide where you want to be located before you arrive, but don’t worry if you decide to relocate as there is demand for chefs all across Australia from the major cities to regional areas.

4. M ake sure you have the right qualifications. Although technically there aren’t any specific qualifications you need to hold, it is common for chefs to complete an apprenticeship and gain a vocational qualification at the end of their training as it is a as a trades-based profession. There are different qualifications available depending on what kind of chef you’d like to become.

5. S peak to a recruitment agency such as TSS. They can help you secure a permanent role in your desired location, as well as assisting with CV writing and interview techniques.

6. Be aware that the cost of living in some

A fresh perspective to Migration Based in the heart of the Sydney CBD. Aurec Migration and Mobility is taking on a fresh perspective to Migration and Visas. Being experts with the sole aim of helping people and business achieve their migration dreams with ease and energy.

Our team of migration experts includes a Senior Registered Migration Agent who is registered as a member of the Migration Agents Registration Authority (MARA), MARN: 1386565. This means that we are highly trained in all matters involving our specialised visa applications and will give you a fully customised service depending on your needs. We are governed by a code of conduct which ensures our professionalism.

We are experienced in assisting people with a wide range of visa types and we will do the hard work for you – from giving you a comprehensive initial assessment and letting you know your options obligation free and completing and coordinating your application. right through to giving you advice on settling and creating a new life for yourself in Australia.

traps and lodgement problems which you may not have otherwise been aware of or advised about. Often the process can be overwhelming, we remove the hassle and you can feel confident that your application will be dealt with efficiently and personally.

Stress-free Process With all the confusing processes taken care of, you will be free to focus on you and your new life, making the transition to Australian life seamless.

No matter what needs or queries you have with migration and settling in Australia, Visa Solutions is here to help!

Solutions As our name suggests, our service is solutions based. We are committed to finding you the answer and the best way to achieve your goals. For us it’s all about you!

Our commitment is to provide you with a free initial visa assessment and quote, and we are dedicated to giving you a professional and friendly customer experience for a very competitive price.

We will help ensure that you avoid any unnecessary expenses until you are confident that your application has a good chance of approval.

How do we help you?

Our Vision

Experienced

To be recognised as a leader and partner to provide innovative, specialised solutions and to provide expert market advice in a friendly and personalised way.

Our consultants are experts on immigration law and have a proven track record of success – all our visa applications to date have been accepted by the Department of Immigration and Citizenship (DIAC), we have never had an application refused!

We are able to provide an effective and efficient service whilst avoiding common

To accomplish this, we will ensure that we provide quality, bespoke solutions in a timely manner, offering insights and a unique perspective that are delivered with Integrity and at a first class service level.

TSS MIGRATION / TSS RECRUITMENT LEVEL 3, 7 HOWARD ST, RICHMOND, VICTORIA / +6103 9421 1020 WWW.TSSMIGRATION.COM.AU / WWW.TSSRECRUITMENT.COM.AU areas can also be. However, should you find a chef job in Australia you can hope to earn an average of around $60,000 per annum.

7. D ecide what kind of establishment you want to work in. With tonnes of job opportunities available you can expect to work in venues which will be most suited to your skills and experience, whether that’s in a Michelin starred restaurant or a traditional pub.

8. B rush up on your interview skills. Visit the BBM website for tips on how to nail those trickier interview questions.

9. F or some occupations listed on the Skilled Occupation List you will also

need to take a Skills Assessment Test to prove your skills. This means it’s not as simple as simply deciding, say, to be a chef and applying for a visa for this occupation – you must prove you already have the skills.

10. The cost of applying for a Skilled Visa for Australia can be expensive. Using a migration agent can help you through this process, making sure all paperwork is correct and ensuring you don’t waste any time or money unnecessarily.

Want to find out more about becoming a chef in Australia or to search for jobs? Visit www.tssrecruitment.com

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Calling Registered Nurses and Health FAQ’s For Nurses Looking For Work In Australia Professionals to Work with in Australia Based in New South Wales, Bower Healthcare is one of Australia’s leading nursing agencies, and with it’s recent partnership with YNA, now sees the ability to place professionals in healthcare facilities Australia wide. With a strong focus on providing quality, Bower Healthcare takes equal care of both clients and their own agency staff.

Nursing and Midwifery Board of Australia.

Bower Healthcare recommends that overseas applicants research the guidelines and registration process as directed by these bodies. If you have any questions specifically related to Bower Healthcare and the purpose of registering with these bodies they encourage candidates to get in touch.

As a recruitment agency, Bower Healthcare, work to place a varied set of healthcare professionals into facilities throughout Sydney, New South Wales and the wider Australian network. With divisions that support Registered Nurses (general and specialist), Mental Health Nurses, Midwives, Enrolled Nurses, Undergraduate Nurses (as Assistants in Nursing), Orderlies (Wardspersons) and Community Support, they have scope to assist a wide range of overseas professionals in seeking work in Australia.

Screening and Vaccination It is the requirement of all public facilities in Australia that healthcare professionals comply with the Health’s directive policy regarding screening and vaccination against specific infectious diseases. Although not essential in the private sector it is considered “best practice” to possess appropriate cover.

Requirements may vary from state to state and therefore it is advised you seek guidance from the Healthcare Policy of the state in which you intend to work. Bower Healthcare have information on the requirements for New South Wales and these can be found on their website and should you require further assistance please do not hesitate to get in touch with their team.

Requirements as an Overseas Professional Visa You will need to hold a valid visa with work entitlements to work in Australia. The team at Bower Healthcare can advise and assist you in sourcing the relevant information and making visa applications.

Experience Registered Nurses should possess a minimum of 12 months post-graduate clinical experience. This experience will have, preferably, taken place within the last 6 months, however as a minimum it must be within the past year. Assistants in Nursing need to be in their 2nd year of a current nursing degree, having completed clinical placements. The team at Bower Healthcare are happy to talk through your relevant experiences, so if you are unsure please do get in touch.

If you are considering the opportunities of working within Australian Healthcare facilities whilst having the opportunity to explore all that Australia has to offer, then get in touch with Bower Healthcare today and let them assist you finding the perfect work life balance. From application through to getting you through the door working in a healthcare position, Bower Healthcare will be on hand every step of the way.

Registration

www.ahpra.gov.au www.nursingmidwiferyboard.gov.au

Australia has a national registration scheme for health practitioners, which is managed by the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency (AHPRA). Nurse registration, specifically is managed by the

Register your CV or read more about Nursing around Australia at bowerhealthcare.com.au

You may have heard about the need for healthcare workers in Australia, but it’s not as black and white as simply filling a quota of skilled jobs required Downunder. If you’re a nurse looking to work in Australia, then there are a few criteria you must fill. Here we take a look at a few of the questions we often get asked by overseas nurses looking for work in Australia.

At Australian Nursing Agency, we are often asked whether Working Holiday Makers can fill long-term vacancies in the workplace or not?

Under the current Australian Migration laws, people on working holiday visas are currently allowed to stay for a period of 12 months and can work to support their stay in Australia - whether that be living or travelling costs. Those on working holiday visas are entitled to work up to six months with a single employer - unless they have specific permission from the Department of Immigration & Border Protection.

We are also often asked by overseas nurses simply - how can I work in Australia?

For nurses looking for work in Australia, you will need to be registered with the Nursing

and Midwifery Board of Australia and meet the Nursing and Midwifery Board’s registration standards. As with most skilled professions you may also be required to complete a skills assessment by the Australian Nursing and Midwifery Council to ensure your skills are up to date and in line with Australian standards. Upon arriving in Australia, you will also need to apply for AHPRA Registration. Find out more about how to become AHPRA Registered.

A big question that many overseas nurses may be asking themselves if considering a big move abroad is ‘Why nurse in Australia?’

As a leading nursing recruitment agency we can honestly say that nursing in Australia is packed to the brim with benefits. From the above average weather - year round - to the decent salaries and low nurse to patient ratios - nursing in Australia is a truly rewarding experience. With Australia having one of the leading healthcare systems in the world, it’s a great place to gain experience and skills in a highly professional environment. For nurses looking to complete a working holiday in Australia it also means you can keep your CV up to date by doing the job you love in an exciting new environment. A working holiday also means making the most of being Downunder and travelling to the many incredible destinations around the country.

View the latest nursing jobs in Melbourne at australianursingagency.com

www.bowerhealthcare.com.au info@bowerhealthcare.com.au Nursing Under-Grads (Assistants in Nursing)

Registered Nurse Dementia Specific Care Home (North Sydney)

Bower Healthcare is selectively seeking experienced nursing students (year 2 +) for work as Assistants in Nursing in acute general and specialty areas in hospitals around Sydney’ north. As a preferred supplier to NSW Health Local Health Districts, we are recruiting in preparation for an expected upturn in requests.

Set in its own grounds in a leafy northern Sydney suburb, this brand new unit opens next month and Bower Healthcare has been provided the opportunity to assist with staffing shortfalls. The 57 bed residence provides care for residents with low to high range dementia, living in shared units serviced by a regular team of support staff.

Essential Requirements: Must have a current work visa, or work rights in Australia, 100% compliance with the NSW Health Department’s immunisation policy, Must be nursing undergraduates, 2nd year onwards (no Cert III applicants will be considered), NSW Working with Children Check (paid employee version) and National Police Check.

Need to live within easy travelling distance of the hospitals (to fulfil last minute booking requests).

Got a question?

The Registered Nurse oversees the support and care provided to residents, assisting with clinical needs where needed but mainly coaching and encouraging the staff to utilise their skills to the best of their abilities.

The Unit manager is on site during office hours between Monday to Friday.

Shifts range across mornings, PM’s and night duties. Because of the specialist nature of the work and the autonomy afforded to the RN in charge, only those that have regular availability and can attend an on-site induction can be considered.

Hospital Orderlies Salary: $24 to $40 Hourly Rate We are seeking a number of experienced staff to work as orderlies in various general (surgical, medical, aged care) and specialty (mental health, OT, ED, ICU, etc) areas in public hospitals in Sydney’s east and southwest. We can offer an immediate start with shifts booked 2-3 weeks in advance, as well as on an ad hoc basis.

Essential Requirements: Regular, on-going work for reliable performers Many shifts available, including weekends Advanced roster, in addition to day-to-day bookings Essential requirements: Must have current work rights in Australia Preference given to those with full-time equivalent availability 100% compliance with the NSW Health Department’s immunisation policy Must posses more than 6 months relevant experience from here or overseas (as an orderly, AIN or PCA) Recent, professional local references Current criminal record and working with children checks Please note that if you do not satisfy all of the above requirements but still apply, you will not receive a return response.

Do you qualify for our Australian Working Holiday Visa Package?

To qualify for a Bower Healthcare working holiday package you must either be eligible for an Australian Working Holiday Visa and meet the following employment requirements: • You must qualify for an Australian Working Holiday Visa or other relevant work visa for Australia.

• You must either be a registered nurse and possess a minimum 12 months postgraduate clinical experience • Or be an experienced healthcare worker, eligible for work as an Assistant in Nursing or Community Support Worker Registered Nurses must possess provisional approval for registration with AHPRA • Click here for full details on our candidate requirements and working for us Our Working Holiday Packages combine everything you need to get started in Australia including accommodation and your all-important Tax File Number as well as some great tours to get you in the mood for your working holiday in Australia.

www.bowerhealthcare.com.au

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Expat Interview With Alex Mills With new friends, job opportunities and even supporting the local footy team, Alex Mills fills us in on his new life Down Under.

Where are you currently living?

Sydney (specifically Bondi Beach – like all the Brits!) in a flat share halfway between the beach and the junction, so the best of both worlds.

What inspired you to go to Australia?

Australia was always on the bucket list of places I needed to visit, but there was always a reason not to – I was either in a band about to release a record, had a relationship commitment, studying a masters – many reasons which were legitimate ones at the time. But this year I turned 30, and a few things happened to me to review my life situation. I reached a point where I knew it was now or never due to the restrictions of getting a Working Holiday Visa after you turn 31. So I decided to take a leap of faith, get out of my comfort zone, live and work abroad and see what happens. Scary, reckless, illogical but the best decision I ever made.

Did you arrive with a plan?

To an extent. I booked a few nights’ accommodation in different parts of Sydney to get a feel for each area and where I felt I would like to live. I also had Skype calls with recruiters in my industry so that I could hit the ground running and get networking immediately, but I wanted to maintain a level of flexibility and challenge myself to find my feet rather than have everything lined up for me.

What job did you do back in the UK? My background is in digital marketing – content strategy, project management and social media. I am looking to remain in the digital marketing industry – a field where British candidates are highly sought after – and this should hopefully get me a more senior role than I might have got back home. I have fortunately landed a short-term contract at an agency for the next few weeks and we’ll see what happens longer term. I’m keeping myself flexible as I’m still so new here. The market is really starting to grow in Australia and it’s a really exciting time.

BBM

readers

What experiences have you had in Australia so far?

Spending Christmas Day on the beach was unbelievable fun – it felt like a big music festival! I have also been to see Sydney FC twice already, I’ve seen the main tourist spots in Sydney but also the Blue Mountains, Royal National Park and Palm Beach – I’ve already mastered surfing too!

Well, not quite, but I can stand on a board.

get

10% O

Will you travel?

Yes, but not backpacking as such, just adhoc trips – much like the way Londoners may book a few mini breaks in other European cities.

FF

mentio n this advert to claim *

t&c’s: * discount is on full price stock only and excludes Christmas stock.

www.bbmlive.com 25

26

DROP BEAR ADVENTURES RALLY ROUND TO SAVE THE FRASER ISLAND DINGO Drop Bear Adventures, 4wdriving tag-along tour operator on K’gari (better known as Fraser Island), aim to deliver, not only, outstanding guest experiences but also work passionately to support the preservation of the paradise island and all that inhabits it.

K’gari is the traditional Butchella (Aboriginal) name of the island and Team Drop Bear go above and beyond to ensure every guest has an immersive experience in history and culture, glorious flora and fauna, in addition to wicked adventures!

Imagine diving into aqua blue waters, feeling soft white silica sand between your toes and drinking from crystal clear fresh water creeks! It’s most definitely a highlight of Queensland and in fact, we dare to say it, the whole of your East Coast Australian adventure!

Situated, 300km north of Brisbane, off the Sunshine Coast, K’gari is the world’s largest sand island. With a unique ecosystem combining thick rainforest, scrubland and great sand dunes it is home to some of Australia’s most wonderful creatures, most notably the Dingo.

The Fraser Island Dingo has significant conservation value to the island not only for it being now the purest breed of Dingo in Australia, but also for its role within this

unique ecosystem. As an apex predator their role at the top of the food chain is vital to maintain a healthy balance for K’gari’s natural environment.

A Dingo’s natural diet is made up of small mammals, vegetation, reptiles, birds and fish. However with the increase in tourism and people visiting the island they have become notorious for trying to scavenge an easy feed. This activity has unfortunately had a detrimental impact on their population especially if a negative interaction between a person and a dingo occurs, meaning that more often than not

Get the Best Views in Queensland Looking for something to do in Cairns this August?

Go above and beyond the tropical rainforest of Barron Gorge National Park on Skyrail Rainforest Cableway to get the best views in Queensland.

Located in Cairns, North Queensland, Skyrail Rainforest Cableway provides one of the greatest journeys in Australia. A unique experience, travel 7.5km in a gondola just metres above the canopy for spectacular views as far as the Coral Sea and Cairns Highlands. Not only do you glide over rivers and rainforest, you also make two stops at mid-stations to stretch your legs and explore.

A Skyrail Ranger meets you at Red Peak Station for a guided boardwalk tour of the ancient tropical rainforest, where they share their knowledge of the giant buttress roots, towering Kauri Pines, climbing wait-awhile palms and other flora and fauna that surround you in this fascinating eco-system.

After your tour, make sure you take the time to absorb the beauty and atmosphere of

the rainforest before re-boarding Skyrail Rainforest Cableway to Barron Falls Station.

A Djabugay Aboriginal Guided Tour takes place at Barron Falls Station. Departing from the Rainforest Interpretation Centre that was created by Skyrail alongside CSIRO (Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation), you are invited to learn about the Aboriginal history, language, culture, stories and traditions of the indigenous rainforest people in a small group tour on a natural rainforest trail.

From Barron Falls Station, there are also walkways to three separate lookouts for further breath-taking views of Barron Gorge and Falls.

Skyrail Rainforest Cableway is located just 15 minutes from Cairns city centre and 50 minutes from Port Douglas, and is open every day except Christmas Day. It is award winning for its excellence in sustainable tourism, and accessible for all ages and abilities, making it the best and most beautiful rainforest experience in the world.

For tour packages and prices, visit skyrail.com.au

the dingo will be culled.

In 2015 it was estimated that there was a stable population of 162 dingoes, in 19 packs. However some conservationists fear that the count is now below 100, this seeing a huge decline since the some 300 dingo population in 1990’s.

In partnership with a number of other operators and conservationists, Drop Bear Adventures are spearheading the way forward in trying to maintain the presence of this beautiful mammal on the island.

Through their own Instagram ‘Fraser Dingo Watch’ programme they encourage all

visitors to the island to share photos and details of dingoes that are spotted during their visit using the #fraserdingowatch So if you are looking for a tour of K’gari, with a difference, a Drop Bear Adventure is the only way! Caring not only for your own unique experience, they spend much time working with the island to ensure it maintains all its’ beauty and what attracts you to stay. With both a 2-day Beach House Tour and a 3-day Wilderness Camping Tour be prepared for the adventure of a lifetime!

dropbearadventures.com.au

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10 Amazing Facts of The Great Barrier Reef!

The reasons to visit Northern Queensland are plentiful, however without question of doubt, one of the greatest motives is the pull of The Great Barrier Reef. Notably it is one of the seven natural wonders of the natural world, and its unique ecosystem can only be described as breathtakingly beautiful. Ocean Safari provide us with some amazing facts about The Great Barrier Reef: 1. T he Great Barrier Reef is home to the largest collection of corals in the world!

In excess of 600 types of hard and soft corals reside here, making it the largest and most dazzlingly colourful living organism on Earth!

2. E xtending south from the northern tip of Queensland to just north of Bunderberg on mainland, Australia, The Great Barrier Reef is the only living organism visible

from space! At around 2600 kilometres (1616 miles) in length, and of a similar size to Italy, this hardly surprising!

3. T he reef’s inshore waters have an average depth of 35 metres, whilst the continental slopes and outer reefs extend to depths of more than 2000 metres!

4. T he Great Barrier Reef is thought to be as much as 20,000,000 years old!

Red Cat Adventures With welcoming arms, Red Cat Adventures provide the ultimate opportunity to experience the Whitsunday Islands.

Adventuring travellers have been flooding to Airlie Beach from all over the globe, attracted by the chance to see this tropical Eden, resting off a coastal pocket in North Queensland, Australia.

Red Cat Adventures is a charter boat company providing unrivalled tours and trips around the Whitsunday Islands. As a local Family business, Red Cat Adventures are passionate about providing a service which focuses on absolute quality by tailoring tours to match the desires of their travelling customers.

Tours and Services Tongarra Sailing Adventure – 2 Days and 2 Nights Tongarra provides an on board living and sailing experience unique to any other charter trip before, and as a result, enabling Red Cat Adventures to show you the best of The Whitsunday Islands. With meals and accommodation completely taking care of, the Tongarra Sailing Adventure enables you to put all your focus on your adventure.

Thundercat – 1 Day Whitsundays Tour This 1 day Thundercat trip brings you an exhilarating and astonishing journey around the Whitsunday Islands. The Thundercat

vessel has been designed for speed, catapulting you through the wonders of this tropical haven. Showing you incredible pristine beaches, Snorkel spots and lookout out locations, this 1 day tour is unmissable.

Ride to Paradise - 2 Day and 2 nights stay Ride to Paradise is the ultimate Whitsunday Islands adventure package. This “Thrill and Chill” tour balances outlandish adventures with breather moments so you don’t forget to take it all in. This tour enables everyone to indulge in the most phenomenal snorkelling spots and relax on staggering beaches. The Ride to Paradise tour Includes all meals and 2 nights of accommodation at the awe astonishing Paradise Cove Resort.

With their being no limit to the astonishing beauty that exists within the Whitsundays, Red Cat Adventures are passionate about making this haven exclusively yours to see in the most unique ways.

Want to explore the Whitsundays beaches for yourself? Book on to one of Red Cat Adventure’s awesome tours for the trip of a lifetime. Visit redcatadventures.com.au

5. T he Great Barrier Reef is made up of around 2900 individual reefs and 900 islands.

6. T he natural wonder attracts over 2 million visitors each year.

7. T he reef is home to more than 1,500 species of fish, meaning that a total of 10% of the world’s total fish species are found within this location!

8. T here a seven species of turtle in the world, six of which reside in the reef’s ecosystem. Four of the six species have globally signification nesting areas in The Great Barrier Reef region.

9. I n most coastal waters and around many of the islands and cays of the Great Barrier Reef the Estuarine Crocodile can be found.

10. The Great Barrier Reef supports 133 species of sharks and rays, and more than 30 species of marine mammals.

These species include the Bottlenose Dolphin, Humpback and Dwarf Minke Whale as well as the endangered Dugong (sea cow).

Looking for a way to head out and explore this underwater world?! Departing daily from Cape Tribulation, make sure you check out, eco-tour operator, Ocean Safari.

With a focus on delivering you the best experience; group numbers are small, you will visit and snorkel two stunning reef sites and be accompanied by Ocean Safari’s friendly, knowledgeable team who will tell you oodles more amazing facts about this epic ecosystem! Book today at oceansafari.com.au

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Kakadu Wild Tours Kakadu Wild Tours deliver “the great Australian adventure” that all travelling nomads are hoping for. With local knowledge and years of experience, Kakadu wild take you through the heart of the Outback and along The Top End in the Northern Territory, across staggering landscapes and National Parks, and up or down the Western Australian Coastline.

Kakadu Wild operate between Perth, Broome and Darwin so that no stone of exploration is left unturned when joining the locally run guides for an adventure.

Kakadu Wild has tailored their tours to suit all kinds of travellers, ensuring everyone experiences the type of journey they are after. These tours range from a half day Broome tours all the way to 22 day expeditions

Editors tour pick of the month

5 Day Top End Explorer The highlights of this trip include 4WD adventures, learning about Aboriginal culture, visiting Twin Falls as well as the breath taking Jim Jim Falls in Kakadu National Park. We visit Litchfield National Park as

from Perth to Darwin. Naturally such endeavours are packed with everything that Western Australia and the Northern Territory has to offer.

Western Australia and the Northern Territory is scattered with attraction and after years of carrying out guided tours, Kakadu Wild have adopted an off road tour bus to ensure that you also see the incredible parts of Australia that is not accessible otherwise. Making tours and safaris a trip beyond what is usually seen in the magazines.

These tours are designed to give you the best of Land and Sea activities, for it is not often that we are abseiling down cliff faces on one day and then on the next, having our minds blown by the largest fringing Coral Reef in the world (Ningaloo Reef), coming face to face with diverse sea life and under water ecosystems, painted with colours you didn’t know existed.

Kakadu Wild Tours are passionate about showing travellers the country they call home, and meet expectations by delivering epic tours that give you a chance to see everything Western Australia and the Northern Territory has.

For More Information visit www.kakaduwild.com.au well as the beautiful Katherine Gorge. You’ll have the chance to go croc-spotting on a wildlife boat trip and spend a night under the stars at our private campsite. This tour starts and ends in Darwin.

Tour Style: Aboriginal Culture, Camping Tour, Family Friendly, Short Breaks

Rock to Rock; Kings Canyon to Uluru (Ayers Rock) The home of stunning natural landscape including Kings Canyon and Uluru (Ayers Rock) The Red Centre lies in the heart of Australia and is a spectacle for all who visit.

There is a timeless presence that exists within these primitive lands, molded over thousands of years, and untouched by man. Adventure Tours Australia understand that those who enjoy gazing into the scenic distance, awestruck by inconceivable beauty, need to experience the Rock to Rock Tour and tick it off their bucket list!

Join the Outback nomads and explore The Red Centre with Adventure Tours Australia on an epic three day expedition. Traverse landscapes that reach further than the eye can see, where rock formations lie as uniquely as snowflakes and where you can dine under the light of the Milky way.

Day 1: Ayers Rock Resort/Watarrka National Park (Kings Canyon) Take the opportunity to commute across the desert on the back of a camel and take in the vast, unspoiled landscape.

Day 2: Kings Canyon, Kata Tjuta and Uluru sunset Imagine lost cities and a Garden of Eden resting across

the King Canyon Rim Walk and immerse yourself in the sheer wonder of such incredible beauty. Hike along the deep clefts imprinted into the Earth’s surface guided by a local expert.

Day 3: Uluru sunrise Ayers Rock Resort Connect more deeply with this ancient land on unescorted meanders in the morning light before returning to Yulara.

Included in your Rock to Rock Tour Accommodation & Transport • •

Camping (with basic facilities) (2 night) All terrain vehicles

Activities • • • • •

Watarrka National Park Entry Fees Kings Canyon Rim Walk Kata Tjuta Walpa Gorge Walk Uluru Cultural Centre Uluru Base Walk

Meals Included • • •

Breakfast (x2) Lunch Dinner (x2)

Do you relish the prospect of sunsets, undisturbed by city dwellers, where you can actually see the sunset before it falls beneath the horizon? And do you thrive on the thought of being surrounded by the expansive wilderness, history and culture, while reveling in some of the most iconic pockets of the world’s surface? If the answer is yes, then seize the opportunity to explore down under with Adventure Tours Australia.

Book today at adventuretours.com.au

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Delve deep into Kings Canyon

peeled for cute critters and fossils, absorb the history and feel like an Outback pioneer. All of this, and without the crowds, Kings Canyon should be on every traveller’s bucket list.

King’s Canyon might not be as famous as Uluru or the Olgas, but it is no less impressive. Carved out of the land over millions of years, this geological marvel stretches for miles with diverse and stunning landscapes from forests to baked red earth, and with half the crowds of its better known neighbours, you could well have the place all to yourself!

The canyon is ancient, around 440 million years old, and was created by King’s Creek river which slowly eroded away the soft, red sandstone that is typical of the Northern Territory. Today the walls of the canyon reach over 100 meters high up to a plateau of striped limestone domes known as the Lost City. Plants and animals thrive here and flocks of Zebra finches and white-plumed honeyeaters can be seen as well as ringtail dragons and the famous Thorny Devil! The Garden of Eden is another stunning aspect of the canyon; a permanent water hole popular with swimmers, surrounded by lush plants and ferns, some of which are over 400 years old.

There are a few trails which cross the area but the best by far is the Kings Canyon Rim Walk, winding through the diverse areas of the gorge and taking in spectacular views of the surrounding area. This 6km hike has a tough start with 1000 steps, known as Heartbreak Hill for good reason, leading up to the top of the canyon. But once you’re up there the views are stunning and you’ll be very glad you made the effort. The trail then leads through the Lost City and down into the Garden of Eden where a refreshing dip can be had. The walk can take as long as you want it to but the average time is around 3-4 hours. Keep your eyes

Discover the Kings Canyon and the best of The NT with mulgasadventures.com.au

Explore Darwin This Summer Darwin is a must on many an Aussie itinerary, from the great attractions around this tropical city to the wilderness that lies on its doorstep.

If you’re feeling brave then take a dip with some giant saltwater crocs at Crocosaurus Cove. Taking a plunge into the cage of death will get you right up close to these prehistoric beasts and you’ll also have the chance to meet some less scary creatures whilst visiting, including; barramundi, sawfish, archer fish and whiprays at the freshwater aquarium as well as turtles at the Turtle Enclosure.

45-minutes south of Darwin you’ll find the Territory Wildlife Park in Berry Springs. It’s here that you’ll have the opportunity to spot dingos and other native Aussie wildlife.

For more action-packed adventures a cruise along the Mary River Wetlands where you’ll find the highest concentration of saltwater crocodiles on earth.

On a cruise here the boat will get you right up to these ferocious beings in their natural habitat. Here you can also enjoy fishing and birdwatching.

Feel like going off-track for a couple of days - or even just for the day, the Litchfield National Park is where you’ll encounter stunning swimming holes and waterfalls as well as soaring termite mounds and venture down the Adelaide River via boat to spot even more crocs as they lurk in the waters next to you.

For more fun to be had in the city, take in dinner on the stunning Darwin Harbour or sample the exotic delights of the Mindil Beach Sunset Market.

Taking place every Sunday and Thursday evening, you can join the crowds that gather on the Arafura Sea shore as the market comes alive with hundreds of stalls.

Darwin is a great hub to meet like minded travellers and make onward travel plans, so pitch up in a great and centrally located hostel such as Melaleuca on Mitchell and you’ll be in prime position to discover Darwin and surrounds whilst visiting the Northern Territory.

You’ll find Crocosaurus Cover at 58 Mitchell Street, Darwin City (Corner of Mitchell & Peel Street) or visit www.crocosauruscove.com and Melaleuca on Mitchell at 52 Mitchell Street, Darwin, visit momdarwin. com to book your stay.

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Western Australia; is it as Good as They Say

covers 965,000 square miles, The short answer; YES! But the reasons however, numbers are hard to why, reach beyond expectations… Western conceptualise. But with WA taking about half the land mass of Australia is a landscape that expands further up Europe and with only 2.5 million residents, it is rather humbling to than what could possibly be conceived and be engulfed by such expansive it is unimaginable how just a single state surroundings. And ultimately, quickly discover an can offer one iconic attraction after another, travellers adventure of majestic proportion. seemingly to no end. With land and sea Perhaps beyond what was originally imagined. both revealing timeless beauty and a life time of “bucket list activities”, it is not so Untouched unimaginable to see why companies such as This is an adventurer’s gigantic Garden of Eden and yet, Aussie Wanderer embark upon expeditions taking adventuring thrill seekers across the endless horizons of Western Australia.

From Ningaloo reef (the largest fringing coral reef in the world and by far one of the most accessible) to national parks such as kalbarri and karijini, and all that is between and beyond. It prompts one to

astonishingly, its locally treasured attractions are reasonably untouched by tourist industries. As a result, the road becomes your own and experiences are shared with the small circle you travel with, rather than thousands of picture snapping tourists.

The Grand Adventure Many travellers start their journeys unknowing of what is ahead of them, and long for an experience that fulfils all outlandish desires of exploration. Western Australia is so vast that the sensation of

“hitting the road” with thousands of mile yet to be seen is the true feeling of adventure and becomes a testament of outlandish personalities.

With such a small population and miles of landscapes full with attractions, it is little wonder that family run tour companies like Aussie Wonderer are so passionate about taking travellers on an adventure of a life time.

For more information and to book visit www.aussiewanderer.com.au

imagine what else is out there, still yet to be seen!

Swallowed by Size To be exact, Western Australia

Exclusive Camps with Choice With access to an exclusive network of permanent camps Kimberley Wild guarantee comfort throughout your tour. With a choice between ‘Camping’ and ‘Camping Plus’ accommodation travellers can opt to upgrade at an affordable cost .

The Ultimate 12 Day Explorer Tour with Kimberley Wild Adventure and explore, kick back and relax with Kimberley Wild!

Delivering you a truly immersive experience, The 12 Day Explorer Tour offers the perfectly designed itinerary to have you discovering the best that the Kimberley region has to offer at a relaxed pace. Find out what makes this adventure so great!

Fab Tour Hosts You’ll enjoy fabulous guidance from one of our delightful tour guides, whilst also being accompanied by another for additional support! This guarantees the extra reassurance that you can kick back, relax, adventure and enjoy your tour with no worries!

Kimberley Coast The 12 day Kimberley Explorer Tour is the only tour in the Kimberley region that gives the chance to explore the stunning coastline of the Dampier Peninsula. Mix up your wilderness adventure with a touch of seascape!

Guaranteed Departures Kimberley Wild guarantee

departures for the 12 Day Kimberley Explorer with only 2 travellers. This giving you ultimate peace of mind when planning your trip!

More Inclusions with No Hidden Costs Kimberley Wild delivers many bonus inclusions offered by no other tour company! Delve into the Indigenous history of Tunnel Creek and explore the Bardi Culture. Tour Cygnet Bay Pearl Farm and jump aboard the Giant Tides and Geikie Gorge Cruises!

Local, Family Owned From their home in Broome, James and Jen have been operating Kimberley Wild for over ten years. Extremely passionate to show of their home, they go above and beyond to ensure their tours exceed traveller’s expectations ensuring you escape and adventure the ultimate highlights of the region!

With plenty of Wild Deals available don’t be hasty and jump across to kimberleywild.com.au to plan your ultimate escape!

www.kimberleywild.com.au

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Integrity Coach Lines Hop On Hop Off Travel Pass So you’re ready to get moving? And no doubt with slight apprehension!...

You’ll likely be exploring the possibilities of where it is you wish to be headed and how it is you wish to get there... Western Australia is nothing short of a gold mine when it comes to experiencing a primitive land that is literally painted with astonishing beauty. This is why Integrity Coach Lines Hop On Hop Off service delivers the ultimate West Coast travel experience with routes from Perth to Broome and all that there is in between.

Tick off a Few Places along the way:

find yourself lost for things to do or places to be!

locations; you can stay at each destination for as long as you wish!

Visit iconic attraction such as Kalbarri National Park, witness the stunning coast line of Monkey Mia and feed dolphins, head to Coral Bay and Snorkel in the Ningaloo Reef and even experience Karijini National Park. With even more to see you’ll never

A Hop on Hop off ticket provides absolute freedom when travelling North or South between Perth and Broome. You’ll be able to take your time and journey at your own pace as the Hop On Hop Off service unshackles you from rushing between

Forget about petrol and timing your routes around inconveniences such as driving hours on end, because with Integrity Coach Lines your only duty is to kick back and take in all of which passes by on the Western Australian coastline. There is little to plan

other than simply choosing where it is you wish to go next, and with such a luxury as time, you’ll be able to make sure nothing is missed out!

With absolutely nothing to think or worry about, you’ll find yourself amongst the bliss of the Australian West Coast.

Western Australia hosts the most abundant list of attractions and activities for you to experience and Integrity Coach Lines are passionate about turning your imagination into reality by getting you where it is you wish to go!!

Get 10% off hop on and hop off coach services from Perth to Broome with Integrity Coachlines promo code BBMLIVE5 when you book online. Visit www.integritycoachlines.com.au

32

Kangaroo Island Self-Drive Packages Kangaroo Island is the third largest Island off of the Australian shores. Its size is only rivalled by Tasmania and Melville Island which is why it boasts one of the most diverse ecosystems in the world and enables a staggering number of activities. Situated just 112 km (70 miles) South West of Adelaide, Kangaroo Island is the ultimate location to pack your bags into your car and embark on a KIAdevnture self-drive getaway.

This is the kind of adventure that requires at least three days to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the mind blowing attractions.

At your own pace, you’ll be able to traverse your way around the island with the freedom of choice and your own wonder acting as a compass. This really is an unmissable chance to be your own guide and encounter Kangaroo Island’s wildlife and the abundant list of activities spread across this phenomenal landscape.

Take the surreal 1.5 hour journey from Adelaide through the Fleurieu Peninsula and onward to the SeaLink ferry terminal at Cape Jervis for a splendid 45 minute cruise to Penneshaw. You could find your boat cruising along side seals and dolphins as they surf the wake. And in the winter season you may even be lucky enough to spot the giant and elusive Humpback Whale bursting through the surface of the ocean, catapulted from a deep blue world below.

Kangaroo Island is no stranger to its South Australian forte and delivers the finest drops of wine and caters its own exquisitely nourishing fresh produce. The island hosts a spectacularly diverse ecosystem, making it home to Australia’s most iconic animals,

including koalas, wallabies, and of course kangaroos! The opportunities to experience the island’s wildlife comes to no end and the chance for thrilling activities are scattered all over this marooned haven. Plummet down pristine sand dunes and sand board at The Little Sahara, and hike through Flinders Chase National Park to view the thriving wildlife as you connect to nature.

Welcomed by a 1km stretch of beach and 10kms of walking trails, relax and unwind in the modern comforts of Vivonne Bay Lodge, which lies within 206 hectares of Australian bush land. Located in the heart of this blissful land this makes it the prime spot to set out for a day of exploration and activity.

Kangaroo Island is a pocket of land in the ocean that offers such a diverse experience and truly has become a must see attraction.

Embark on your adventure to Kangaroo Island with the Self Drive Package Tour and see it all under your own rules; in your own unique way. ancy visiting Kangaroo Island for F yourself this Spring? Book a tour with Kangaroo Adventure Tours online now at www.kiadventuretours.com.au

www.bbmlive.com 33

ACCOMMODATION New South Wales Sydney The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com West End Backpackers 12 Pitt St Sydney NSW, 2000 Ph: 02 9211 4588 Free Phone: 1800 013 186 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.nomadsworld.com/westend Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year.

Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

Port Stephens

Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au

Katoomba

www.katoombabackpackers.com.au Blue Mountains Backpackers Hostel 144 Bathhurst Road, Katoomba, NSW 2780 Ph: 02 4782 9630 bluemountainsbackpackerhostel. com.au

CEDAR CREEK LODGES THUNDERBIRD PARK Cnr of Cedar Creek Falls Rd & Tamborine Mountain Rd, Tamborine, QLD 4272 info@cedarcreeklodges.com.au www.cedarcreeklodges.com.au

Byron Bay

Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com

Byron Bay Accom Ph: 02 66 808 666 Email: bookings@byronbayaccom. net www.byronbayaccom.net Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au

Cairns

Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com

JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com Heron Island Ph: 02 9538 0751 www.heronisland.com

Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey Maca’s Camping Ground Ph: 02 6684 5211 1156 Main Arm Rd, Upper Main Arm NSW 2482, Australia www.macascampingground.com/ macascampingground@gmail.com LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Ph: (02) 4406-3101 www.laketabourietouristpark.com.au

Queensland The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au

Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au

Cairns Share House 17 Scott Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4041 1875 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com

Western Australia Perth

western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street COOLIBAH LODGE 194 Brisbane Street Northbridge Perth WA Ph: (08) 9328 9958 www.coolibahlodge.com.au

Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS

1 Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au www.obh.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth WA Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Britannia On William 253 William Street, Northbridge, WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 www.perthbritannia.com

158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au

Boranup Boranup Forest Retreat 422 Sebbes Road, Forest Grove Ph: +61 404 895 901 www.boranupforestretreat.com.au monkey mia Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 24 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com. au www.beachesofbroome.com.au

Discovery Melbourne 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525.

Freecall 1800 645 200 stay@discovertmelbourne.com.au www.discoverymelbourne.com Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street, Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au

Northern Territory Darwin Youth Shack 69 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1300 793 302 youthshack.com.au

Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au Haven Backpacker Resort 3 Larapinta Drive, Alice Springs Ph: 1800 79 4663 / 08 8952 4663 www.alicehaven.com.au

South Australia Adelaide Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers. com.au adelaidebackpackers.om.au

Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 09 8941 7800 momdarwin.com Chillis Backpackers 69 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 chillis.com.au

Alice Springs

Victoria redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704 Johanna Beach Cottages 225 Blue Johanna Road Johanna Heights Victoria 3238 (03) 5237 4224 cottages@johannabeach.com www.johannabeach.com Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/ backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS

Melbourne

Crocosaurus Cove

Drop Bear Adventures

THINGS TO DO Skydiving iFly Downunder

123 Mulgoa Road, Penrith, Sydney Ph: 1300 366 364 www.iflydownunder.com.au

Sydney Skydivers

745 Picton Road, Wilton, New South Wales, Australia 2571 Ph: 1800 805 997 admin@sydneyskydivers.com.au www.sydneyskydivers.com.au

Southern Skydivers

2 hours South from Perth Busselton Ph: 1300 449 669 info@southernskydivers.com.au www.southernskydivers.com.au

Scuba Diving NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, WA Ph: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive. com.au

The Dive Shed Busselton

21 Queen Street, Busselton, WA Ph: 08 9754 1615 www.diveshed.com.au

Adventure Tours Awesome Whitsundays

Ph: 1800 293 7663 www.awesomewhitsundays.com

Australian Kayaking Adventures

PO Box 1055, Ashmore City, QLD Ph: 04 1294 0135 www.australiankayakingadventures. com.au

Skyrail Rainforest Cableway Cnr Captain Cook Highway and Cairns Western Arterial Road Smithfield, QLD Ph: 07 4038 5555 www.skyrail.com.au Contiki Ph: 1300 188 635 www.contiki.com

aussie wanderer

Ph: 0894382070 info@aussiewanderer.com.au www.aussiewanderer.com.au

58 Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 08 8981 7522 www.crocosauruscove.com

Wild Expeditions

Shop 20, Johnny Chi Lane, Broome Ph: 1300 73 88 70 www.wildexpeditions.com.au

Margaret River Vintage Wine Tours

Ph: 0417 948 933 www.winetoursmargaretriver.com.au

The Peel Region Tourism

75 Mandurah Terrace, Mandurah Ph: 08 9550 3999 www.visitpeel.com.au

Kangaroo Island Adventure Tours Vivonne Bay, Kingscote, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 www.kiadventuretours.com.au

GOIN SOUTH

Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858

PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING

Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au

Ph: 1800 061 156 www.dropbearadventures.com.au

Territory Expeditions

Ph: 1300 115 922 www.territoryexpeditions.com.au

Mulgas Adventures

Ph: 08 8952 1545 www.mulgasadventures.com.au

Kakadu Wild Expeditions

Ph: 1300 73 88 70 darwinsales@kimberleywild.com.au www.kakaduwild.com.au

Kakadu 4WD Safaris

Ph: 1300 525 238 info@kadu4wdsafaris.com www.kakadu4wdsafaris.com

Adventure Tours australia Ph: 1300 654 604 adventuretours.com.au

Sydney Outback Tours

Ph: 1300 307 634 www.sydneyoutback.com.au

Real Sydney Tours

Ph: 0402 049426 www.realsydneytours.com.au

The Travel Yoga Company

Ph: 0411301820 www.theyogatravelcompany.com

Kimberley Wild Expeditions Ph: 1300 73 88 70 www.kimberleywild.com.au

The Official Home And Away Tour To Summer Bay

Ph: 02 9977 7890 www.yahoo7.com.au/homeandaway

Kite Surfing KITE REPUBLIC

10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda, 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 www.kiterepublic.com.au

Water Activities GREAT OCEAN ROAD SURF TOURS

55B Surf Coast Highway, Torquay, Victoria, 3228 Ph: 03 5261 3730 info@gorsurftours.com.au www.gorsurftours.com.au

KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS

9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com

ADVENTURE KAYAKING

7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au

PARADISE JET BOATING

Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au

TRANSPORT MIGHTY CAMPERS

Nationwide Ph: 1800 670 232 www.mightycampers.com.au

GREAT SOUTHERN RAIL

Nationwide Ph: 1800 703 357 www.greatsouthernrail.com.au

Integrity Coach Lines

PO BOX 1131, Midland, 6936 WA Ph: 08 927 47464 www.integritycoachlines.com.au

Go Camper

90 Parkin Street, Rockingham, WA Ph: 1300 667 363 www.gocamper.com.au

34

CRYSTAL BALLS a split personality who takes control of your body at night. When you think you’re asleep, what you’re actually doing is touring the world as longtongued pop star Miley Cyrus. You can’t be tamed!

Leo

They say home is where the heart is, and so it proves when doctors discover a colony of microscopic parasites inside your aorta.

Gemini

You win a competition to replace Dr Chris Brown as the star of TV show Bondi Vet. Unfortunately, your contract is cancelled after you perform surgery on a pet rabbit and it quickly becomes apparent that you have no medical training whatsoever. Not only does the rabbit die, you also manage to kill five gerbils, three dogs, a wombat and a cat named Mr Biggles in just one episode before TV bosses finally pull the plug.

Capricorn

When Daniel Craig pulls out of the new 007 film over script issues, you become the surprise choice of movie studio bosses to become the first transgender Bond.

Taurus

You and a group of friends book tickets to a ‘90s nostalgia night. You spend the evening mourning Princess Diana, using dial-up internet and listening to ‘Everything I Do’ by Bryan Adams on loop.

Dressing up as Bill Cosby for Halloween is wrong on so many levels, so don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re viciously beaten by a bunch of offended women on the night. Ironically, as you lie in the hospital barely consciously and unable to move due to all the painrelief drugs in your system, you are “interfered with” by a perverted doctor on the wards. Let’s just say the saline drip isn’t the only salty liquid to enter your body that night.

Cancer

Libra

Aries

In a Hannah Montana meets Fight Club situation, you discover that you have

Convinced that World War III is imminent, you decide to become

ASK CRYSTAL

a “prepper” survivalist, and start stockpiling tins of food and camping equipment in the woods, even building a secret nuke-proof bunker in some nearby bushland in preparation for the coming Armageddon. When the bombs start to fall, you immediately bolt to your just-completed bunker and prepare to wait out the nuclear winter by living on a diet of beans and spam for the next 20 years. Unfortunately, you’re forced to adapt your plans somewhat when you discover Shane Warne is already in there. Apparently he’s been using the bunker as his own personal sex hideaway and has just said farewell to the latest anonymous leggy blonde he’s been knobbing after calling her an Uber.

You spend the next two decades locked inside a small, damp cellar listening to him recount his sexual exploits, explain in detail about how he executed the ball of the century, and drone on about how popular he was with everyone in the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here camp. After less than five minutes alone with him, you begin to envy the people whose faces melted off in the initial nuclear blast.

Aquarius

They say blood is thicker than water, and so it proves when doctors discover blood in your urine during a check for kidney disease.

Scorpio

The weather is warming up and the days are getting longer, which can only mean one thing – climate change is real and the ratio of work-life balance is getting horribly skewed.

Pisces

You wake up one morning to discover you’ve become a yeti-type creature covered in hair and 7ft tall with a distinct sloping brow. Shunned by society, you become a recluse, holing yourself up in the attic of St Mary’s Cathedral in Sydney and living off a diet of pigeon droppings, pigeon eggs and fig rolls.

The good news is the condition will wear off in the next eight to ten years.

Huzzahs!

Sagittarius

Your attempts to lose weight through a steady routine of healthy eating and going to the gym hit a snag halfway through the month when North Korea fires nuclear missiles at America, sparking World War III. In the subsequent post-apocalyptic dystopian future, you are forced to eat carbs to survive.

Virgo

As a result of your whiskery facial hair, you are cast in the role of Rumpleteaser in the next Broadway production of Cats.

We’ve been taking things pretty slow for now but he keeps trying to pressure me into giving him oral sex. I’ve told him I’m not ready to take that step just yet but I can tell he’s getting frustrated and I’m worried I’ll lose him if I don’t do it soon.

Dear Crystal,

We have anal sex and threeways all the time but he says it’s not the same. What should I do?

For the last four years I’ve been having a highly illicit gay love affair with a very senior Liberal politician. I don’t want to get him into trouble so let’s just call him Shmony Shmabbott. Myself and Shmony first met in the Tool Shed on Oxford Street after I accidentally stumbled over him in the toilets (he was on his knees at the time so I didn’t see him). We hit it off right away, but it was only later that night when his rainbow wig fell off during our marathon buggery session that I realised who he was. In hindsight, I should have recognised him from the Tool Shed toilets – I knew I’d seen those budgie smugglers before – but it was only now that I twigged and he begged me to keep his secret safe. I wasn’t sure what to do, but he managed to persuade me with his silver tongue – let’s just say his mouth isn’t just good for spouting noxious bile at minority groups. We still meet up every weekend all these years later, but he insists he’s too ashamed to come out – and overcompensates by openly campaigning against same-sex marriage. Is there anything I can do to help him come to terms with his homosexuality so we can be together as a real couple?

Sincereley Alison,

Yours, Julian Dear Julian, I don’t know how to break this to you but I’m afraid you’re just another notch on phony Shmony’s bed post. In truth, he’s quite comfortable with his cock-hungry appetite for homosexual sex and he’s got at least another dozen blokes around town who he tells exactly the same story to. How do I know? Because he still pays me to “peg” him with a strap on every other Friday evening. That’s why his ears are the way they are.

Dear Crystal, There’s a new girl at work I really like and I’ve made a point of getting to know her.

I thought things were going well, we’d laugh and smile at each other a lot, and she even gave me her phone number when I asked if she’d like to go out some time.

But recently she seems to be avoiding me, to the point where she’ll make an excuse and leave the room if I walk in. I’m not sure what’s gone wrong. Should I send her some more photos of my dick?

Regards,James Dear James, At this stage, I don’t think it will make much of a difference. Your only hope is to tell her your phone was stolen as a prank by someone at work, preferably the weirdest looking guy in the office. If by some miracle she believes you, do not under any circumstances send her any more dick pics. I can’t stress that enough. Feel free to send them to me though. I consider myself something of a collector.

Dear Crystal, I’m an 18-year-old Dublin girl and have only just started my first serious relationship with a lovely boy from London who I met in Cairns while backpacking.

Dear Alison, You’re taking it up the pooper and you’re worried about putting it in your mouth? Weird. If you seriously can’t handle the thought of having his bits on your lips, my advice is to tell him you’ll only do it if he puts some chocolate on his penis and wears a blindfold while you do it. When his eyes are covered, just bring in an Alsatian and let the mucky pup lick your lad to ecstasy. Your boyfriend will never know.

Dear Crystal, I think I have serious mental health issues. I’ve killed two people already and the voices in my head keep telling me to murder again. I can only ignore them for so long. Please help before someone else dies by my hand.

Regards, Edward Dear Edward, Sorry but I’ve run out of space for this month. Catch you next time.

JOKES A friend came over one day, visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his third cousin.

whole Warwickshire lawn bowls league.

I told him, “If it upsets you that much, quit counting them.” David, Cairns

I paid £12.99 for a company to deliver my hamster a new dining table last night.

I hate people at the cinema, talking loudly, eating loudly, laughing loudly.

“I must me fucking mad!” I thought, until I opened the box and realised that they’d also supplied me with a free pizza. Rob, St Kilda

Shut the fuck up. I’m trying to film a movie here!

Bret, Potts Point

My wife just asked me “how many beers can you drink and still successfully drive?”

Just seen some blonde rushed into casualty with a pussy full of pellets.

“Into what?” I replied. Trent, Richmond

Apparently she wanted to ride shotgun.

The Russian section of Redtube hasn’t been updated for two weeks. Barney, Fitzroy

Tom, Newscastle Whenever I play Rugby I always target the opposition’s star player and try to injure them with a crunching tackle.

I’m glad The Winter Olympics are over.

My wife’s moved on ‘to pastures new’.

Cow. Doug, Surry Hills.

Justin Bieber goes to jail.

He writes “Free JB!” on wall in protest.

Some people say I’m the dirtiest player in the

Then learns cellmate is dyslexic.

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