CONTENTS ISSUE 606
The Cover
Review
LADY IN REDHEAD - 6 Lindsay Lohan maybe many things but she certainly ain’t no lady. And she’s def nitely not like this Lady...
BOSSY PANTS - 18 Let’s get literal! It’s BBM’s frst ever book review. We sneak a peek at Tina Fey’s hilarious new autobiography.
Regulars
Interview
Sport
CUT COPY - 12 BBM’s recently departed Yank intern Jaymes Peckham bids farewell to our shores by talking tennis with the Aussie indie minstrels. Sort of.
TITLE FIGHT - 80 With the Premier League f nish line in sight, BBM travels back through the mysteries of time to look at some of football’s closest title races.
6 12 16 18 20 22 28 30 34 36 40 42 52 60 62 65 70 72 72 74 76
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
GOSSIP INTERVIEWS WRAP REVIEWS SOAPS UK NEWS IRISH NEWS WORLD NEWS SYDNEY MELBOURNE PERTH QUEENSLAND FIJI FEATURE RECRUITMENT CLASSIFIEDS HOSTEL LISTINGS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES SCOREBOARD SPORT
BBM MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon
john.mcmahon@what-media.com
EDITOR Ben Harlum
ben.harlum@what-media.com
SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby
richard.gadsby@what-media.com
12
UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir
hannah.shakir@what-media.com
CONTRIBUTORS Jeremy Williams, David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Alexandra McIntyre, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Sian Gammie, Eleni Pitman, Robin Lewis, James Stapleton, Sinead O’ Shaughnessy, Des Penny and Renee Van Kraanen Photography INTERNS Pim de Roos, Amy Bloemendaal and Sian Gammie HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard
design@what-media.com
WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber
10
16
18
ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin ADVERTISING Joe Smith
joe.smith@what-media.com
Donna Parry Alex Williams Dave Hudson
PO Box 784 Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230
4
P: (02) 8231 7700 F: (02) 9299 4966
TWITTER: @bbmmagazine
ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS MANAGER Tom Shakir
W: www.bbmlive.com E: info@what-media.com
FACEBOOK: /bbmmagazine
SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir
ADVERTISING: tom.shakir@what-media.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: isubscribe.com.au
PRINTED BY Spotpress
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP SHE MAY NOT BE A LADY... BUT SHE’S ALL LOHAN HOLLYWOOD hobo Lindsay Lohan off cially hit rock bottom this week when she was mistaken for a Madonnaobsessed hermaphrodite who wears meat and lives in an egg. A confused member of security staff at JFK Airport somehow got Lohan confused with her royal mentalness Lady Gaga, whose last big hit Born This Way dealt with the issue of being a woman with a cock. Always hungry for headlines, Lohan naturally took to Twitter, eloquently summing up the situation with: “What does it mean when an #americanairlines employee says “ah! lady gaga!” to me #jfk airport!!? should I of bursted into Born This Way?” Good to see Lindsay’s got a sense of humour about it – possibly because in the confusion, security staff failed to discover the $600,000 worth of stolen jewelry she’d smuggled up her anus.
ROB’S LIKE REESE LIGHTNING PUNCHABLE. Bland. Likely to induce vomiting. Talentless Twilight heartthrob Robert Patticake has been labeled many things in his short career – mainly by BBM – but according to the cast of his latest f lm, we can now add “big girly coward” to the list. Patticake (pictured right) says he got the tag on the set of circus f ick Water for Elephants when a zebra, spooked by Reese Witherspoon’s weird alien head, went on the rampage.
And what did heroic Rob do when the freaked-out beast charged at his costar? “Everyone thought I was a pussy getting out of the way,” he said. “Apparently (co-star) Christoph Waltz had got in front of Reese and other actresses and protected them.” So there you have it. Even an actor who played a Nazi called ‘The Jew Hunter’ in his last major f lm is more likable than Rob. Vampire bat? Vampire twat more like.
RENT A FRIEND IF BBM ever slept with a celebrity we’d have the decency to keep our mouth shut no matter how much cash we were offered. Unless it was over, say, ten bucks. Then we’d probably go for it. An ex-lover of Angelina Jolie’s shadow, Jennifer Aniston, has come out to tell the media that his pal Jen is not what everyone thinks she is. “She’s an amazing, beautiful and talented woman who’s sweet and kind and treats everyone with respect,” he claimed. Yep, he’s right, that’s not what we thought. We’ll bet the ten bucks we got for our interview that Jen paid this douche bag herself. Nice try Rachel.
PAY THE PRICE EVERY week our gossip section wished Jordon and Peter Andre would get back together. But this is as close as we’re going to get. Doting mother Katie Price is up in arms over her ex-husband using their children in his new show. We have faith that she’s concerned for the welfare of the children and just wants to keep them safe from the media and from any peds who might be watching. Nope! She just wants them to get paid.
GLEE-N INFORMATION GREAT news for tweens and people with terrible taste. Someone with more dollars than sense has announced they’ll be making a feature length Glee f lm. So, unlike a regular episode that feels as long as a movie, we intend to put several days aside to make our way through this one. The f lm will follow the upcoming Glee Live! In Concert! tour and will be f lmed in 3D. “3D? What? You said I’d be thin this time,” said that fat chick.
6
“I hear someone used my children in there show again..I wonder if there show would be a show without my children!! / I wonder if my children also get paid and money put into a bank account for them for being in this persons tv show..I believe CAN get paid.” Twitter really should have a no mongs policy.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP FLAVOR OF THE MONTH SOME celebrities are just a pleasure to write about. Take Flavor Flav (pictured), for example. If he’s not looking for love amongst a bunch of eligible ex-porn-stars he’s getting arrested for four traff c offences and publishing one of the best mug shots of all time. The 52-year-old Grandfather clock was arrested after cops pulled him over for routine checks and realised he had outstanding offences. “I got pulled over by a curious Rookie Ass Cop,” Flav tweeted, “he found out I had a traff c warrant wanted to make a name for himself took me in and now I’m home laying my bed, what’s the big deal?!”
AFTER f nally dumping that anti-vaccination Playboy whore Jenny McCarthy last year, Jim Carrey is conf rmed to be “single and dating” after recent rumours he had a new woman. After seeing the “model” he was accused of dating we’re not surprised he wanted to come out and clear this one up. Not even someone as desperate as BBM would want to be linked to Anchal Joseph. If you’re unsure you can Google her name. Or use the keywords “rexia,” “insect,” or “Kwik-E-Mart.”
Laying your bed? Hot.
GIRLS WILL BE BOYS HONORARY gay Cher is working hard to keep her membership alive by coming out in support of her son’s f lm Becoming Chaz. The f lm follows Chastity Bono’s decision to commit full to her lesbianism and undergo a sex change. The f lm was screened privately at Cher’s home to a small audience. “I admire my son Chaz’s courage for sharing his personal journey,” Cher said, “most important to me is that he is very happy. That’s what I care about the most. He has my love and support.” Chaz (pictured, above ad) underwent his strapadicktome operation in 2009.
NOT EGGSACTLY WHAT BIEBER EXPECTED AFTER BBM’s grenades were conf scated at the door of Bieber’s Sydney gig we’re pleasantly surprised that someone managed to get not one but eight missiles onto the stage. By missiles we mean eggs but, come on, the average age was eight so we can’t expect much more. According to little tweeting fans the eggs came from two directions. A planned, synchronised Bieber attack. Brilliant. The offenders were not identif ed. “Don’t look at me,” said Lee Harvey Oswald.
8
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP JOE HAS SCENT MJ’S PACKAGE MICHAEL Jackson’s dad, Joe Jackson has decided to stop riding on Jacko’s coat tails and settle down to avoid the limelight and preserve the memory of this son. Kidding! He’s been f ogging his dead corpse since he was a kid so why would he stop now? In an odd but not altogether shocking move Joe (pictured, above) will be heading to the Cannes Film Festival to promote three Jackson-themed fragrances. The three whiffs will be called the Jackson Tribute for Men, the Jackson Legend for Women and The Jackson Legacy. No matter how hard they try they’ll never get the smell of Macaulay’s arse off Michael’s corpse.
10
KIM KARDASSIAN BBM is easily confused when it comes to members of the KKK. We’d f nally got to grips with Kim Kardashian’s (pictured, below) existence by repeating the words, “horse face,” and “Beyonce wannabe,” to ourselves. And now another one has popped up from somewhere at the back of the queue to Hollywood. Khloe Karhashian is grabbing for attention with news that her mum, Kris, is creepily enthused about getting a grandchild. “Once, she asked my assistant to f nd out when I was ovulating. Mom had her call my gynaecologist and then told me to plan a time to have sex with my husband,” blahed K. “Mom calls me all the time with different sex positions to try, she’s crazy. I have to keep reminding her that I’m her daughter, not a girlfriend.” Wait. Who are we talking about again?
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
INTERVIEW CUT COPY
After the release of their new album Zonoscope in February this year, Aussie boys Cut Copy are back in the country and touring like mad. Front man Dan Whitford catches up with BBM’s the JAYMES PECKHAM to talk about tennis. But we just printed music stuff.
So how did you guys meet? A mutual friend of mine knew Tim, our guitarist, and he was living up in Byron Bay at the time and I was in Melbourne. I was writing tracks at home and he was more into guitar so we mucked round with that and then this became our job after a while.
Did you always know you wanted to sing in a band? No actually I come from an art background. I did DJ a little bit and I was writing tunes but it was really more my own curiosity. It was really never something that I thought I’d be doing. It just f gured itself out that way. Is there a def ning moment of all your careers that you think has def ned you so far? I’d say maybe playing at Lollapalooza. Looking out to a crowd of 30 or 40 000 people, as the sun set, with the Chicago skyline. It was one of those moments where you realise that life’s pretty good. How has the response to the album been so far? We’re really encouraged by it. It seems everyone really feels this is as strong if not stronger than the last album. Selected Tour Dates 12th May: Enmore Theatre, Sydney 13th May: Metro City, Perth 19th May: The Tivoli, Brisbane 20th May: HQ, Adelaide 29th May: Sydney Opera House
INTERVIEW DRAPHT Paul Ridge, aka Drapht, may be one of the biggest names in Australian hip hop, but that does not mean that the Perth based musician is no longer subject to external pressures. Having really hit the big time with his third album Brothers Grimm, Drapht’s latest album The Life Of Riley has already exceeded all expectations and stormed straight to number one in the ARIA Charts. With success assured, it may seem strange to hear that the album “is loosely based around the view of not worrying about society’s pressures and living the life you want to lead. Not worrying about other people’s expectations. Each track moves in and out and has its own story behind it.” A humble presence, Drapht has always been known for his honest approach to his output. Rather than creating fantastical stories of love and life, he keeps it real and focuses instead on the reality of his own existence. “Everything I have written about on the record has happened. I like to try and keep my stuff as honest as possible. I feel that people relate to honesty more than anything else.” Using his own music to learn from his own mistakes, Drapht is “not here to change the world at all, I am just giving my opinions and show the lessons that I have learned. I am not pushing a
12
message down someone’s throat. It is just me from day one through to the point I am at now.” Unsurprisingly, Drapht has taken full control of his career by launching his own record label. While he admits that in future he would like to nurture new talent, for now he is focusing on his own sound.
“It is something that I have always wanted to do, but it was more the right place and the right time. I had just f nished my contract with Obese Records and exhausted other avenues with them. It was just a really good time, especially as the Australian market is so small, it would be silly for me not have a little bit of money behind me in my own account to push me and hopefully make that back.”
8th May: Canberra Groovin’ The Moo 14th May: Bunbury Groovin’ The Moo 19th May: Geraldton 20th May: Perth 21st May: Albany Drapht also plays Splendour and Come Together.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Voted the smoothest vodka in the world...
has just been awarded joint* Gold Medal winner in the smooth category at the 2010 Vodka Masters in London * joint medal winner with Belvedere
www.vodkao.com Enjoy Responsibly
INTERVIEW
GL OFP SL L OK
of Joris Voorn is a world famous Dutch techno producer, winner 2003’s “Talent of the Year” award at the Dutch DJ Awards. Over the next few months, he’ll be playing f fteen festivals as well as touring with Edwin Oosterwal. AMY BLOEMENDAAL caught up with her fellow Dutchman for a chat.
What music do you listen to that no one would guess you like? People only know me as a techno DJ and producer. They don’t know I’m that when I’m at home, this is not the kind of music I listen to. When Harvey. not on stage or in the studio I prefer music like Radiohead or PJ
What is the best part of life as a well-known DJ? you’re The thing I like is that people know what you stand for and what capable of. Of course I have to prove myself at every gig, but it becomes do easier because the crowd is there for you and they know what you and who you are.
What is your preference; the bigger or the smaller events? I usually prefer the smaller gigs, because the people understand my music and I can connect with them. If you take something as big as Sensation White (in Amsterdam) there’s a big distance between you and the audience, so it’s hard to make that connection.
And the worst part? That you have to play the same hits over and over again. In Asia my playlists are all the same, because the people there aren’t that well musically educated. But in Australia people, luckily, are up to date and they know when and where different DJ’s are playing. That motivates me to make every gig as unique as possible.
What is on your rider at these festivals? Not that much. And people do not read riders, so it doesn’t matter what’s on it [laughs]. The most important thing that is on there is that I need a ninety centimetre space on the right side of my mixer, but I usually end up doing that myself. I’m not the kind of person that would put something on my rider like a bowl with only blue M&M’s.
Finally, why are Dutch guys such great DJ’s? I don’t know, there’s probably something in our water [laughs]. Tour Dates Friday, 13th May: Geisha, Perth Saturday 14th May: Spice Af oat, Sydney Friday 20th May: Prince Of Wales, Melbourne Saturday 21st May: Barsoma, Brisbane
COMPETITION and Hare, medy Burke new British co e offering you th is of M e as BB , le the re Transmission d an To celebrate es ur . ct es ss Paramount Pi enty double pa together with win one of tw the chance to dystory of the bo d on the true se is), rk ba y Se ed y m nd illiam Hare (A e is a black co Pegg) and W Burke and Har on im . (S is e nd rk La am Bu nd, John snatchers Willi ollywood lege directed by H fetch a hefty ad body can over that a de sc . Knox (Tom di Dr rs rs eu so en entrepr ical profes the local These two Irish mands of the leading med of h beyond that e de im Curry) reac price when th (T e ro on M . d Dr Wilkinson) an supply. ns.html and m/competitio sit bbmlive.co vi y pl . m lm si f y n, mpetitio British comed To enter the co your favourite email us with for more ay 12th, and ovies from M m e eau th ar at dh ly e is on .com/burkean Burke and Har visit facebook n ca u yo n io informat
© BURKE AND HARE FILMS LIMITED AND ENTERTAINMENT FILM DISTRIBUTORS 2011
14
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
THE WRAP
WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE
FILM
RNB Superclub vol. 11 is a unique production mixed by Australia’s premium superclub DJ’s; G-Wizard and Def Rok. Located in excess of 20 venues nationally, the RnB Superclub experience has become the benchmark for Australia clubbing. The gang will embark on their 16th national tour and CD launch commencing this week.
1 2 3
FAST & FURIOUS 5
$4
2
$19
THOR
$2
2
$12
RIO
$1
4
$15
1 2 3
FAST & FURIOUS 5
£5
1
£5
RIO
£.9
3
£8
ARTHUR
£.8
1
£.7
1 2 3
FAST & FURIOUS 5
$86
1
$86
RIO
$15
3
$104
MADEA
$10
2
$41
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
$ IN MILLIONS
7th May: Establishment, Sydney 14th May: One Bar Nightclub, Lismore 21st May: Heritage Hotel, Rockhampton 25th May: Grand Hotel, Wollongong 27th May: HP Underground, Darwin 27th May: Woodport Inn, Erina 28th May: Attic Nightclub, Taree 4th June: Meche Nightclub, Canberra 4th June: Establishment, Sydney
5th June: Eve Burswood, Perth 11th June: The Venue, Townsville 12th June: Establishment, Sydney 18th June: Collector Hotel Parramatta 24th June: HP Underground, Darwin 25th June: Lloyds Hotel, Launceston 8th July: Phriction Nightclub, Penrith 12th August: Rolling Rock, Noosa 27th August: One Nightclub SYDNEY will once again be transformed into a spectacular canvas of light, music and ideas when Vivid Sydney takes over the city after dark from May 27th.
1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3
When: May 27th - June 13th Where: Various Sydney Locations Website: vividsydney.com
LAST WEEK
LMFAO
1
9
1
SNOOP DOGG
SWEAT
1
7
2
GIVE ME EVERYTHING
PITBULL
3
4
5
PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
LMFAO
1
6
1
BRUNO MARS
THE LAZY SONG
2
5
15
ON THE FLOOR
JENNIFER LOPEZ
1
5
3
KATY PERRY
1
12
1
ADELE
2
17
2
BLACK EYED PEAS
3
11
3
PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
E.T.
ROLLING IN THE DEEP JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
ON BBMLIVE.COM THIS WEEK MY NEW JUMPER
NOT Quite Cabaret returns to Sydney with the second season of A Six Pack of Plays, laid out in the traditional Cabaret style.
“We thought we’d bring you something different this week, and it comes in the form of stylist Ariane Kahn, who mixes up conventional methods of wearing clothes and explore their multipurpose functionality.”
When: May 6, 13, 20, 27, June 3 and 10 Where: Paddington Arms Cost: $28
FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.
HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE
MUSIC
Note: NQC f nishes their Melbourne run on the 11th at Red Bennies.
COMPETITIONS THEIR debut album Subculture took the music world by storm. Now, off the back of their lead single Face Of The Planet, The Subs are taking electronica down that deep, dark, unexplored road once again with their second album Decontrol. We have a bunch of copies of the album to give away.
TOURING on the back of their fourth studio album, Where Did The Night Fall, UNKLE will bring their unique live sound to Australia for the f rst time since 2008. BBM has one f nal double pass to give away to their show in Perth. UNKLE hit the Bakery on May 11th.
MINISTRY of Paintball have kindly agreed to give away an unlimited number of free VIP Field Entry Passes to all BBM readers. All entry passes are fully transferable so you can forward them onto anyone, even to people you know in the UK as the passes are valid at over 120 Ministry of Paintball locations there.
TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM 16
BURKE & HARE is a black comedy based on the true story of the body-snatchers. These two Irish entrepreneurs discover that a dead body can fetch a hefty price when the demands of Dr. Knox (Tom Wilkinson) and Dr. Monroe (Tim Curry) reach beyond that of the local supply. For details, turn back to page 14.
COMPETITIONS.HTML BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
REVIEWS CREAMFIELDS VENUE
DATE
April 30th
TINA FEY RATING
RELEASED
BOOK
Bossypants
Moore Park, Sydney energy amongst the festival crowd.
material to repeat so the book feels fresh as a result.
Skrillex was the standout of the day as he took to the stage later in the evening with his dirty dubstep beats which blew the crowd away. CREAMFIELDS hit Sydney last weekend after its successful tour last year. Crowds were in a frenzy in anticipation of a stellar line-up which was bigger and better than the previous year. To kick off the day Goodwill mashed up a mixture of his new and old tunes which created a high
RATING
Now
In Stores & Digitally
Headliner Deadmau5 ended the day with his trademark performance which was surprisingly disappointing but still fairly exciting.
STANTON don’t usually review books here at BBM but when Bossypants reached my desk I had to check it out.
Creamf elds ended the summer with a high quality set of tunes which left the crowds anxiously waiting next year. Erin Jemmeson
Fans of Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock or comedy in general will really enjoy this as, unlike many comedians who write books, Tina doesn’t have years of stand-up
As she jumps from subject to subject, year to year, she does leave a couple of potentiallyinteresting stories out; the making of Mean Girls and having to f re her best friend as the lead character on 30 Rock. Criticisms aside, you’ll laugh a lot when reading this book. From her experiences with periods to answering hate mail, Bossypants is actually worth the $5 million they paid her to write it. Ben Harlum
THE ARCTIC MONKEYS SINGLE
Don’t Sit Down ‘Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair
RELEASED
Now
inf uences in this single, from the Doors to Oasis. The single’s music video is Supersonic-esque with Jim Morrison’s dark, thickrimmed glasses to complete the mood.
Album: June 3rd
RATING IT seems so long ago since we watched the Monkeys debut on MTV, led by a timid young man with a coarse northern accent, high positioned guitar and top man attire to top it off. We have
seen quite the change in the Monkeys through three albums with their last, Humbug, taking the more direct rock route. You can see the band’s
The track starts with what feels like a Horrors-inspired riff, and then booms and blossoms into a heavy grinding ensemble that Jimmy Page would be proud of.
however Turner and the crew seem to be convinced that this is the way modern rock should be. It doesn’t matter that the lyrics are simple (it’s clear in them that the band feels they’re taking a chance with a record), the Arctic Monkeys have never failed to deliver the music and they have continued the streak here. Ashley Moore
Long gone are the days where long hair, cowboys boots and a bad attitude were popular in rock,
COMPETITION Thanks to our friendsatIc at Ico onF nilm Film DisDis tribtrib tiBution, BBM has ten to give away to the new double passes horror f lm Insidious, from the makers of Saw and Paranormal Activity. In the f lm, Josh (Patric k Wilson) and Renai (Ro se Byrne) have a happy family with their three young children. When tragedy strikes their you son, Josh and Renai beg ng in to experience things that science cannot explain. To enter the competitio n, simply visit bbmlive .com/competitions.htm tell us which Saw / Par l and anormal Activity f lm you enjoyed the most. Insidious is only at the movies from May 12th. 18
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SOAPS CORONATION ST. STEVE and Becky make up and plan a night out together, before Steve heads to the doctors with Tracy and Amy. Amy becomes ill again and insists she wants her daddy. Tracy’s call interrupts Steve and Becky’s evening, but Becky keeps calm as Steve goes running to nurse his sick daughter.
EastEnders
Elsewhere Tracy reveals that Steve was planning to snatch her daughter Amy from her, and plots to drive a wedge between Steve and Becky. Meanwhile, Sophie and Sian meet Dennis, an unkempt but charming man in his 70s. The girls take him back to the café, where he looks familiar to Rita…
THE atmosphere is tense between Masood and Yusef at the boxing club as the pair end up in a tense conversation. Yusef winds up Masood by hinting at his feelings for Zainab. Later, Yusef joins Ian at the chip shop and is informed that Masood cheated on Zainab.
When Jane asks Masood why they can’t be together, Masood remains loyal to Zainab and insists that it’s not their time. When they share a hug, Yusef spots them from across the Square and puts the pieces of the puzzle together, realising that Jane is Masood’s ‘other woman’.
Caoimhe can’t wipe the smile off her face as she puts pressure on a reluctant Dean to book a romantic holiday. After Robert gives Dean some love life advice, he’s invited to Sunday lunch with the Dillons where Judith attempts to get better acquainted with him. Meanwhile, Barry convinces Denzo to change his mind and bring him to Sarah’s body. What will happen when they take a walk up the mountains? TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
|▲
HOLLYOAKS +
Emmerdale HAVING returned from a shopping trip, Ella appears wearing a revealing new dress to impress Adam.
CARMEL is volunteering at the Ruby in class, she’s amazed hospital and bumps into Jacqui. by the clever ways Ruby gets What’s Jacqui doing back and round her learning diff culties. why is she at the hospital? However, when Pete pulls At the same time, Rhys returns Esther up on their similar from Spain, unaware Jacqui is homework, it’s clear she’s also back. about to crack. Meanwhile, Ruby’s doe-eyed expression has Esther wrapped round her little f nger and she gets her friend to do her homework. As Esther watches
20
Adam is uncomfortable being alone with Ella, reminding her that he’s seeing her daughter. However, a dismissive Ella kisses him. Later, Adam tells her that it was a mistake and Ella agrees, but it’s clear that neither can
resist and they fall back into a passionate embrace. Meanwhile, after seeing Cameron buy Eve a drink, Cain warns him not to mess Debbie about; Alex secretly arranges to meet Victoria and they end up in bed together at his caravan; and David returns from a council meeting frustrated because everyone has been talking about him and Amy.
Ruby is furious with her friend for spilling the beans, but insists their headmaster is only helping so he can get her alone… What’s Ruby up to?
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
LIMITED OFFER
EAST COAST AUSTRALIA 1 Night in Hervey Bay + 3Day / 2Night Fraser Island Camping Safari + 1 Night in Airlie Beach + 2Day / 2Night Whitsundays Sailing Adventure
ONLY $599
FREE
SYDNEY TO CAIRNS TRANSPORT PASS When you purchase 5 nights accommodation in Queensland with Wanderers Travel.com ONLY 20 PAS SES
DO NO T MISS OUT!
810 George Street Sydney (02) 9280 4933 Special is subject to availability and subject to change without notice. Limited seats available, Offer ends when stock run out. Not valid with any other.
UK NEWS FLAMING WHOPPER
GIRLS ALOUD
MORE proof that we Brits are clueless with barbecues after a bloke in Surrey tried to cook a few sausages – and sent 10ft-long jets of f ame shooting across the street.
HEY girls, are you a bit noisy in the bedroom? Then you’re a whore. That’s what we’re taking from the decision to slap an asbo on 29-year-old Natalie Gentle after neighbours complained about her loud sex sessions.
A family in Cheam were cooking in the garden when the feed hose from the barbecue to the gas cylinder caught f re, sending out huge streams of f re. Firef ghters eventually controlled the blaze but only after evacuating the house in case the cylinder exploded.
The professional lapdancer is now fighting an application by Plymouth City Council for an Asbo banning her using the flat for prostitution or drug-taking.
Remember the golden rule kids: Never - EVER - start a barbecue without an Australian in your garden. For the price of a tin of vegemite, it could save your life.
TAKING THE PISSER A POSHO mum from Cornwall has bought a block of public toilets to sleep in when she visits her kids in Cheltenham. Louise Houston paid £35,000 for the privilege of sleeping with her face near tramp’s urine and used syringes, and has ambitious plans to turn the toilets into a compact rural retreat. “Until now I’ve been
NO MEANS GNOME A SLIGHTLY senile Welsh gran’s last wish to have her beloved garden gnomes placed on a local roundabout has been turned down because the pointy-hatted pixies could distract motorists. We’re not sure how. It’s not like they’re going to run out into the middle of the road and start mooning people or anything.
sleeping on sofas when I visit Cheltenham, so I would love to have somewhere of my own to lay my head,” said Louise, whose f rst job will be to block up the glory holes to prevent having a penis inserted into her ear in the middle of the night. The toilet block smashed the £15,000 to £25,000 guide price at auction, with George Michael rumoured to be among the bidders.
“I have been labelled a prostitute without having done the crime. This has ruined my life,” she said loudly and passionately.
TRUMPED UP AS heartwarming as the story of Stacy Bodle is, we’re bloody glad we were nowhere near the woman when she gave birth to twins last week after previously suffering three miscarriages. The 30-year-old businesswoman says she owes the successful birth to a pioneering fertility “recipe” of eggs and soya beans. In other words, until the babies’ heads poked out there was always a chance she was just building up the world’s meanest fart. “I have hardly slept for the past 13 weeks but I’m not complaining,” said Stacy, presumably in reference to accidentally gassing her husband to death with eggy whiffs under the duvet.
Her son, Alan, said the family was “very disappointed”. He added: “It was what she wanted and we were happy to do it. She collected gnomes and ornaments from all over the country and each one held special memories for her.” Special memories? Really Alan? Makes you wonder where those pointy little hats have been… dirty old bitch.
Think you’re funny and could write stories for BBM? Why not give it a go? We’re always on the look-out for talented contributors. Email us at info@what-media.com 22
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Call us on
1300freespirit migration@freespirit.com.au
Let us complete the
Migration puzzle for you
Put your Visa in safe hands ENS Permanent Residency
457 Business Visa
Skilled Migration
Partner Visa
Speak with our migration specialists today about how we can help you extend your time in Australia www.freespirit.com.au
0$51
UK NEWS THIN SOME LOSE SOME IN NEWS that supports BBM’s campaign to shoot and destroy anyone who spells their own name wrong, Malissa Jones, 21, now holds the title of the fattest person to ever have anorexia. At 34 stone, Jones was once Britain’s fattest teenager and was so obese doctors said she wouldn’t live. After undergoing a gastric binding operation to save her life, she dropped down to eight stone. Well, one stone of bones and seven stones of skin. Jones is now so scared of putting on weight that she is at risk of dying from anorexia. In other news, Malissa now holds the title for best British impersonation of an American.
IN A PICKLE LOOKING for a job is depressing. That’s why BBM hasn’t worked in years. We just photocopy mX each week and hope for the best. Jobseekers at Brighton Jobcentre are f nally starting to get off their lazy arses and apply for work. Pity they’re all applying for the same job. And, let’s face it, you’d be mad not to apply to be a “pickled person.” Since the ad went up at the Brighton off ce, hundreds of bums have applied. The requirements are quite simple; you have to be able to f t into a 2ft tall jar. And not be a dwarf. That’s cheating. The Circus of Horrors said the job is just for two weeks, while their regular contortionist freak has time off to have a baby.
WHAT do you call an animal you love that lives in your house? If you said ‘a pet’ then, according to a new journal called Animal Ethics, you’re worse than Hitler. You should be branding them “companion animals” and yourself as a “human carer”. If technically we’re a ‘carer’ then shouldn’t the Government be sending us animal benef ts? Even the word ‘wildlife’ is insulting according to the report from academics including an Oxford professor. Apparently wild animals should be known as “free-living” – which sounds a bit Sydney Mardi-Gras to us.
24
BLIND LUCK IF YOU’RE legally blind, there are certain things you should avoid. Like the movies. Or an art gallery. Or, you know, driving. Just a thought. A GP whose vision was so bad that he couldn’t read the top line of an eye chart has been caught driving. And speeding. Oh yeah and he killed someone. Fail. Aloke Basu, 65, was speeding around in his age appropriate Porsche when he failed to see Shirley Watkins, 74, crossing the road. Poor dead Shirley. Authorities said he might have gotten away with it had he not let his guide dog bark directions from the passenger seat.
LED AWAY A WOULD-BE smash-and-grab thief has been jailed for four years after breaking into a flat in Barnet, trashing the place, putting a few things in his swag bag and then – this is where it goes a bit weird – climbing into bed and having a kip where he was later discovered by Led Zeppelin. Robert Erdei was still asleep clutching a crowbar when cops arrived with Led Zeppelin – the name of the police dog - after being called by neighbours disturbed by the racket. Led Zeppelin immediately bounded up the stairway to heaven and began barking furiously at the bed. “A duvet is no match for Led Zeppelin,” said a police spokesperson in a statement that amazingly didn’t involve a bong.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
MOJO SURF Living the dream is def nitely what you do at Spot X. It’s an absolute beachfront location with tons of naturally beautiful surroundings, awesome waves, great atmosphere, and loads of fun activites if you’re feeling adventurous. Spot X is a perfect place to immerse yourself in the Aussie surf Lifestyle, long days in the sun sand and surf. When you get tired of the waves there are plenty of spots to put your feet up and chill in the comfort hammocks or around the campf re with other fun and enthusiastic travelers. Spot X is also a really great way to see some remote pristine and uncrowded beaches. It’s all about living the lifestyle in this great beachside location, time tends to stand still when all you have to do is have fun. For the east coast traveller, it’s perfectly located between Sydney and Byron just off the Pacif c Highway. So if your traveling on a Greyhound or Oz X pass, you can easily jump off a Woolgoolga and come hang out with crew, Spot X will even pick you up from the bus stop. For all the self-drivers out there Spot X has powered and non powered sites with all the modern facilities, their are eve specials for Spaceships and Jucy campers available. Accommodation starts at $25 a night and there are also Surf and Stay packages to start your surf ng career from $125 per person. A totally unique location and a must do on your east coast adventure. Contact: 02 6639 5100 Website: mojosurf.com
SURF’N’STAY PACKAGE "$$0..
2 Nights at Spot X*
'00% Y #SFBLGBTU -VODI %JOOFS
235
$
$185
ACTIVITIES:
Y IS 4VSG -FTTPO 4VSG #PBSE )JSF ,BZBLJOH
CRUISER PACKAGE
125
$
"$$0.. 1 Night at Spot X* '00% #SFBLGBTU -VODI %JOOFS
$95
ACTIVITIES:
IS 4VSG -FTTPO 4VSG #PBSE )JSF ,BZBLJOH
1/2 DAY BYRON SURF LESSONS $10 OFF t )S -FTTPO EFQBSUT EBJMZ t #FBVUJGVM #FBDIFT t "XFTPNF &YQFSJFODF
BOOKINGS: 02 6639 5100 BBM Specials: Valid for Travel thru May
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
(Mention BBM for special offer)
25
UK NEWS WEED THEM THEIR RIGHTS WANT some cheap, top-quality weed but don’t know where to look? Why not try the police?
BOILING HOTLINE WHAT some people consider an emergency worthy of a 999 call, clearly differs from others. One lady from South Wales, for example, called the police emergency line because she wanted someone to fix her kettle.
Amazingly this advice worked for thieves in Merthyr Tydfil who managed to sneak off with £15,000 worth of dope after learning that cops had found a hidden cannabis factory in a disused nightclub.
Now we know a good ol’ cup of tea might feel like a lifeline at the end of a hard day but don’t call the police, call Argos.
Officers were congratulating themselves after uncovering the £300,000 cannabis haul and had even posed for photographs as they waited for government officials to destroy the stuff.
“We’ve had some daft calls but this takes the biscuit,” said a police spokesperson.
Two cops were put on guard at the front of the building, but thieves broke in through the back, stashed the hash in s ome bin bags and then sped off. A police insider said yesterday: “Everyone was chuffed with busting the huge factory and there was a blaze of publicity about it…Ther e are a few red faces.” Red faces? Missing pot? Is anyone else put ting two and two together? What’s the chances there was a shitload of Dominos pizzas or dered at the local nick that night.
It gets worse. Remember the lady from Christmas and the stolen snow man? Not only has kettle woman joined her on the list of idiotic 999 calls, we also have a woman who wanted directions to the Royal Wedding and someone even called in case they were known as a missing person.
With Her Full Band MAY 2011
Wed 11: The BASEMENT - Sydney Fri 13: The CAT & FIDDLE - Balmain Sat 14: The CLARENDON - Katoomba 26
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
IRISH NEWS TAXI FOR SUGG
CLUB JED POP cocks Jedward are ready to embarrass a nation at the Eurovision song contest semi-f nals this Thursday (May 12th).
A FEW of us here at BBM have had to fork out for ‘soiling a taxi’ in our time. A KFC Double Down burger is never recommended after a night on the gargle. But Trevor Sugg, from Blackhorse Avenue took the piss, literally. On his way home in a cab after a night out, Sugg became abusive to the driver and relieved himself in the front seat before f eeing.
An estimated 18 million mindless idiots around Europe are expected to watch the Irish twats perform Lipstick in the second semi-f nal of 19 nations.
In court, the driver claimed the accused owed 140 euros for soilage and 30 euros for the fare. The prosecuting garda said that when he found Sugg, his f y was undone, he had a wet patch on his trousers and had200 euros on him.
“This is the f rst step to people knowing who we are in Europe. Our plans after Eurovision is to go on a full European tour,” said one of them, we don’t care which.
The defendant insisted he had given the money to a second police off cer at the scene who in turn gave it to the driver. He said this charge was “the only one he was disputing out of principal”. Because he sounds like a man with principals.
Jedward also believe their 200,000 followers on Twitter and an estimated 100 ‘Jedheads’ jetting out from Ireland and the UK to support them, will help propel them to success.
VAN FOR ARMSTRONG AS shit as X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent may be, at least celebrities have to have a modicum of talent to become famous nowadays. Imagine if it had been around in the 90s – we’d never have heard of Kerry Katona or Brian McFadden, and Posh Spice would still be Victoria Adams… unless you count an inability to smile as a talent.
Manager Louis Walsh has been quoted voicing doubts over whether his act could do it claiming the traditional Eurovision ‘voting blocks’ could undermine his act – who also suffer the handicap of being absolute dog shit.
MARY’S HERE
The problem is, of course, what happens when you run out of talented people? Well Simon Cowell found the answer this week – recycle them. Having already appeared on Top of The Pops and played on albums by Van Morrison (pictured) in the 70s, Belfast man Herbie Armstrong decided to have a pop at Britain’s Got Talent this week. And guess what? He’s pretty good. Who’d have thought that a professional session musician would have some musical talent? “This show should be for beginners setting out on their careers. Not for successful musicians who’ve had their chance,” moaned one old bitch. A spokeswoman for the show last night said that it was “open to everyone” – or a “Katie Price” policy, as it’s known in the business.
DIGGER FOR CRIMS
She will perform with a full band, which includes New Zealand jazz piano virtuoso, Tom Rainey, and bassist Brett Hirst.
A MECHANICAL digger was the tool of choice for a gang in County Wicklow who tried to steal an ATM. The culprits ripped off the entire front wall of a two-story Bank of Ireland building but failed to pry away the machine. Since the job was botched so badly, it is believing the gang consisted of unemployed construction workers rather than professionals - meaning about f ve per cent of the entire population are viable suspects. 28
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
MARY Coughlan, Ireland’s First Lady of Jazz and Blues returns to Australia for three shows following a sell-out tour of New Zealand, and the recent publication of her autobiography: Bloody Mary - My Story.
DIG THIS: A digger yesterday.
Wed, May 11th: The Basement, Circular Quay @9pm. Fri, May 13th: The Cat & Fiddle, Balmain (Ph. 9810 7931) @8pm. Sat, May 14th: The Clarendon, Katoomba @8pm.
WORLD NEWS OFF HER TROLLEY IF there’s one thing we can say for Americans it’s they sure do know how to sue. A 78-year-old shopper has sued a supermarket chain after she was left to push the bung trolley. You know, that annoying one with the dodgy wheel?
miles an hour at the time. She has now been awarded $258 000 in damages. “Well she’s 78. So she probably won’t even have time to spend it,� said the store manager, “now that’s justice.�
Alice Mae Suits was pushing her cart along when all of a sudden the wheels locked and it “sheared off the front of her shins.�
An 85-year-old Baltimore nun was stuck in a lift for four days after the other sisters left town for a convention. Sister Margaret Geary said she survived by eating celery sticks, drinking water
During the Meek and Mighty Triathlon in St Petersburg these two worlds collided. Coincidental nurse Teresa McCoy, 37, was just about to complete the bike leg of the contest when she saw two police off cers tending to a man who had collapsed. After discovering he had no pulse, she performed CPR, shocked his heart back into action and then ran off to complete the rest of the triathlon.
She suffered facial lacerations, leg lacerations and leg hematomas. Presumably she was traveling around 60
WHAT’S drier than a nun’s privates? A nun’s privates after she’s been stuck in a lift for four days. It’s not a joke, It’s true.
THERE are two types of people; those who enjoy physical exercise and those who collapse from exhaustion the day after the batteries for the remote run out.
“I know that God put me where I was supposed to be today. It’s like I was his angel today,� said the deluded and modest competitor. and praying. Why she was carrying celery sticks we’re not too sure. Sister Geary described the lift as being not that much bigger than a confession booth. “And I’ve been stuck in there sucking the Vicar off for a lot longer than four days!� she said with a wink.
NORMALLY
Includes: "
!
# $ ! $ ! & # % ! !! # ! ' !! ( ' ) + * +
$399 * PER ADULT DEPARTING ADELAIDE
kiadventuretours.com.au | call 08 8202 8678
,- ) . / 0# # ) 1 ) 2+)2) 3+ ) 1 ) 44$ 5635 $#1 57 338 + 258)
30
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
$/.+!20%4 0TY ,TD $ , TRADING AS
#6:*/( 4&--*/( 3&/5*/( (PPE TFMFDUJPO PG $BST 8BHPOT 7BOT $BNQFSWBOT 8% 41&$*"-*454 0WFS WFIJDMFT JO TUPDL XJUI VQ UP #6: #"$, "MM XJUI DBNQJOH HFBS "MM WFIJDMFT GPS TBMF IBWF B (PWFSONFOU BQQSPWFE 3PBEXPSUIZ $FSUJmDBUF 1JOL 4MJQ JTTVFE CZ */%&1&/%&/5 .&$)"/*$4 OPU $PNQBOZ FNQMPZFFT MJLF NPTU DBS EFBMFST '3&& JOGPSNBUJPO XJUI UJQT GPS CVZJOH TFMMJOH BOE USBWFMMJOH 5SBOTGFS 3FHJTUSBUJPO GPSNT GPS BMM 4UBUFT '3&& "EWJDF PO 3FHJTUSBUJPOT 5SBOTGFST XIJDI 4UBUFT BSF DIFBQFTU FBTJFTU UP 5SBOTGFS BOE 3FHJTUFS '3&& .POUIT "VTUSBMJB 8JEF 8BSSBOUZ HVBSBOUFFF XJUI IS SPBETJEF BTTJTUBODF BWBJMBCMF PO NPTU WFIJDMFT DPOEJUJPOT BQQMZ /05 B LN XBSSBOUZ XIJDI HFUT ZPV BCPVU PG ZPVS XBZ BSPVOE "VTUSBMJB
*/463"/$& '3&&$"--
'SPN BOZXIFSF JO "VTUSBMJB 8F TFMM UIF POMZ LOPXO A/P &YDFTT SE 1BSUZ 1SPQFSUZ *OTVSBODF BWBJMBCMF UP USBWFMMFST GSPN 'PS BOE NPOUIT *OTVSBODF BWBJMBCMF FWFO JG ZPV CVZ B DBS GSPN BOPUIFS QMBDF BOE XJUIPVU ZPV IBWJOH UP UFMM MJFT UP HFU JU /08 */ 063 5) :&"3 0' 1655*/( 53"7&--&34 0/ 5)& 30"% $6450.&34 $"/ 5 #& 830/(
#063,& 45 800--00.00-00 /PU DPNJOH UP 4ZEOFZ 5IFO CVZ BOE TFMM POMJOF !
XXX DBSNBSLFU DPN BV
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
31
WORLD NEWS SCARED TO DEAF IF you like stabbing, you’ll like the news this week, there seems to be a lot of it going on. Alfred Stewart (pictured) was celebrating his birthday with friends when he was confronted by 45-year-old Barbara Lee who accused them of making gang signs at her.
motioned for her to go away. So she came back with a 19-year-old sidekick and stabbed the birthday boy, his friends and the bouncer. Turns out the men were def nitely not making gang signs but were actually communicating in the way most deaf people tend to; with their hands.
Struggling to understand the aggressive woman, they
COCK-AND-BULL IF there’s one thing every child wants at their birthday party it’s a cockf ghting ring. We asked for one every year and yet still the same old clown showed up. No wonder we’re so fucked up. In what sounds like a scene from The Sopranos, Police in (where else) Texas busted up a kid’s party, trampling over waterslides and picnic tables to bust up an illegal cockf ghting operation. Party guests (we assume adults) saw the cops and bolted, some driving off in their cars, which resulted in a few prangs and someone driving through a wooden fence.
tickets, scales and tags. The blades were just tied to the beaks, and they also found a half-dead horse. But that was just for kicks. “Not Little Jerry,” sobbed Kramer.
During a brothel raid in China, a man jumped naked from the window, sprinted across rooftops and then slid down a telegraph pole. And all the while followed by a hooker in just a towel. Apparently China has rather severe antiprostitution laws so we can’t really blame him. “So much for putting the Asian small cock myth to rest,” he sobbed.
MORE news from the f le of “best excuses ever.” Deputy Patricia Purcell was called to respond to an alarm activation after a Spotsylvania business was broken into. When she arrived she was approached by a drunk man with some cuts on his face. He was also eating a banana. Not sure why that’s relevant but it paints a nice picture. When she asked him what happened he pointed to the smashed glass door of the business. When asked how he cut his face he claimed that he got the injuries when a bear chased him. She believed him and let him go.
The police discovered 48 fowl pinned in cages with blades tied to their beaks,
Just kidding, he’s in jail. Probably eating a banana.
COKE, HEAD WE know it’s wrong but BBM wants to be able to last through a six-hour drug and sex binge when we’re in our 60s. And if our last efforts are anything to go by, we only need to improve by around f ve and a half hours.
course, parked in the parking lot of his practice.
A 61-year-old doctor and a 29-year-old physician’s assistant were arrested after they were found having sex and doing lines of coke in the Doc’s Mercedes which was, of
“I just might give the man a job,” said Hugh Hefner as he paid the doctor’s bail.
32
JUST when we were about to start mocking criminals who this week seem to be doing everything naked we came across one that we sort of understand.
They were f rst seen sitting in his car around 2pm but police weren’t called until six hours later, and they were still there.
IF there’s one thing BBM hates more than racism it’s Americans. An Arab waiter at the Waldorf-Astoria is causing a bit of a scene after claiming that he was forced to wear different name tags to work to make sure guests weren’t scared by being served by someone named Mohamed. And just to make it more clear this all started on September 13, 2001. Coincidence? He’s now planning to sue. “And if that doesn’t work I’ll just f y my plane into their hotel,” he promised.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SYDNEY WHAT’S ON
AFTER the huge success of the past two years, Big British Sound is back with a night celebrating the best in emerging Australian live music. Each year Ben Sherman selects a range of the best emerging artists in Australian independent music to come together for one night in Sydney & Melbourne. Each band throws one or two covers into their set from British artists that they are inf uenced by or that they simply dig. The night mixes in some fun DJ’s and a low ticket price for a night of good times. This year? Ballpark Music and Strange Talk take the stage. When: Thursday, May 12th Where: Gaelic Theatre Cost: $10
CELEBRATE the best food, wine and art from Pyrmont and Mudgee Region in Sydney’s premier dining precincts. Pyrmont’s top chefs will team up with Mudgee’s f nest wine producers with a series of “Meet the Winemaker” wine and food matched lunch & dinners, Cooking Classes, Wine Appreciation, Mother’s Day Specials, Growers Market and much more. Visit the Pyrmont Uncorks Mudgee f nale on May 15th at Pirrama Park, Pyrmont. Try over 120 wines from 30 of Mudgee’s top winemakers and tickle your taste buds with unique gourmet cuisine and local produce direct from Mudgee. Bring your picnic rug and choose from a diverse range of cuisines for lunch, and be entertained by live acts and music from the best local musicians. Entry is free with wine tasting packages, including a souvenir wineglass, starting at just $15.00. When: Until Sunday, May 15th Where: Various locations throughout Pyrmont
AT one of Sydney’s most luxurious venues, complete with great music and an electric vibe, Sienna is the place to be Every Saturday at Establishment.
BEN FOLDS and his band are set to tour Australia in support of his latest album, Lonely Avenue, a collaboration between him and bestselling novelist Nick Hornby.
G-Wizard, Troy-T, DJ Def Rok, Eko and Lilo will present the greatest top 40 hits, classic R&B, house, funk and grooves.
As a live performer Ben Folds displays a rare kind of energy and exuberance, one of pure passion and excitement, and his performances with his live band are not to be missed.
When: Every Saturday Where: Establishment Hotel
MARY COUGHLAN, Ireland’s First Lady of Jazz and Blues, returns to The Basement for one night only. Twenty-f ve years ago, a breakthrough appearance on the Late Late Show made her something of a star in Ireland. Her most recent album, The House Of Ill Repute, is a def nitive work that veers from burlesque to blues. When: Wednesday, May 11th Where: The Basement
34
When: May 13 and 14th Where: State Theatre Cost: $97
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES have dedicated their careers to delivering the middle f nger salute to anyone who opposed their views, including LA authorities who banned them for playing in the city for 6 years. The band are ready to play their irrepressible blend of punk, thrash, funk and hardcore. When: Saturday, 14th May Where: Metro Theatre
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
MELBOURNE NEWS CENTRE OF MEDICAL ATTENTION SOMETIMES it pays to be stubborn. And sometimes you’ll just get yourself stabbed. It’s a f ne line. A rebellious 58-year-old woman started it all when she decided to drive out the entry at a Melbourne shopping centre. A forty-year-old man, who was attempting to come in the entry, was like “Oh HELL no!” and a standoff ensued. After twenty minutes, neither driver had given in so the man rammed into the woman’s car, trying to force her backwards. On seeing this,two vigilantes smashed the man’s car window and stabbed him in the face with a broken golf club. The attackers were described as being “of Islander appearance,” so keep a look out for two golfers in grass skirts and coconut bikinis.
36
WANTED: Have you seen this violent psychopath?
HARD DRIVE SICK of being run over by four-wheel drives with massive blind spots? So are the children of Melbourne. They’re getting their own back. A Melbourne woman died in her driveway after being run over by her car, while her children sat inside it. She had parked her tank on the steep driveway and was unloading things from the back when it rolled backwards, dragged her 20 metres and crushed her to death. Three children aged two, four and six were in the car at the time. “Bullseye!” said the six year old as he popped the handbrake back on.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
37
MELBOURNE WHAT’S ON
THIS Friday the 13th, take a journey back in time to Old Melbourne and discover hidden lanes and the secrets that colour the city. The ghost of a little girl has appeared on several tours, guests have smelt a lavender lady following them and have complained of cold hands tightening around their throats. Learn about the time when poor houses supplied bodies in the name of advancing medical science and the famous opera singer Federici gave his most dramatic performance - plummeting to death infront of his audience. When: Every Friday and Saturday Where: Departs from Melbourne Visitor Centre, Fed Square Cost: $25 Website: ghosttoursmelbourne.com
DAN GRESHAM aka Nu:Tone came bursting onto the scene in 2001 with his debut vinyl release, Grand Central / The Boss. Nu:Tone remixes are always guaranteed to please - whether it’s the retro soul of his Spread Love anthem or the junglist wobble of his Strictly Social re-rub. Nu:Tone has taken his DJ-ing all over the world, spreading Hospital love from the USA to Asia to Australia. Early last year, Dan’s anthemic 12” release Hyper Hyper / Set Me Free set the world on f re, featured on the Hospitality D+B 2010 release. Nu:Tone has also been big on the remix duties for New Zealand Shapeshifter’s Long White Cloud, Dekata Project’s At Least We Can Dance and Unicorn Kid’s Wild Fire. When: Saturday May 14th Where: Espy Front Bar Cost: Free
LIVERPOOL trio The Wombats are back on Australian shores, performing at the Groovin The Moo Festivals and their own headline shows around the country. The band’s second album, This Modern Glitch is out now and contains last year’s UK Top 20 single Tokyo (Vampires and Wolves) and new single Jump in the Fog. When: May 11th Where: Palais Theatre Cost: $55
A Day to Remember are a punk / hardcore group that combine elements of metalcore and pop punk into their sound. With their latest album What Separates Me From You, the band have maintained their locomotive-like momentum, pushing their love of extremes to new heights. When: May 12th Where: Festival Hall Cost: $67
EASYSTAY GROUP Motel rooms from $89 per night. Studio Apartments from $99 per night. Come and stay in Sunny Seaside St. Kilda and bring the kids. Up to 2 children under the age of 12 can stay free of charge when sharing with full paying adults. Close to Luna Park and St Kilda Beach Reception is at 63 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda Ph: 1300 301 730 stay@easystay.com.au www.easystay.com.au * Valid until 31 August 2011. Offer is subject to availability and not valid over peak or event periods. Picture is of a studio apartment
38
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
THIS year marks the 60th anniversary of the highly acclaimed Melbourne International Film Festival.
Known around the globe as a creative hub for short f lm writers and creators, the festival showcases and awards the best short f lms and f lmakers of the year. 2010 saw the win of The Lost Thing, a f lm which went on to win an Oscar for best animated f lm. Kicking off on the 21st of July and running until August the 7th, the fetsival is held at venues across the city including the Forum Theatre, Melbourne Town Hall, RMIT Capitol Theatre and the Victorian Arts Centre. Featuring f lms from over 50 countries and boasting the largest program of any festival in Australia, there is something for everyone. So come to one of the worlds oldest f lm festivals and support the f lm industries brightest new talents.
39
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
PERTH WHAT’S ON
TOURING on the back of their fourth studio album, Where Did The Night Fall, UNKLE will bring their unique live sound to Australia for the f rst time since 2008’s Big Day Out. Visit bbmlive.com for your chance to win a double pass.
START saving your voices now, because Against Me! are bringing their anthemic sing-alongs back to Australia to make up for their cancelled October 2010 tour. When: Wednesday, May 11th Where: Rosemount Hotel
When: Wednesday, May 11th Where: Bakery Artrage Cost: $56
THE delightfully bohemian Darwin Deez return to our shores after entertaining audiences with their deliriously fun, lo-f tunes at Parklife last year. Watch out for the band’s spontaneous bouts of synchronised, yet completely unforced dancing, which is irresistible to watch. When: Thursday, May 12th Where: Bakery Artrage Cost: $40
40
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle
ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge
ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth
DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth
THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
41
QUEENSLAND WHAT’S ON
Melbourne Comedy Roadshow
Lineup: Dead Cat Bounce, Mike Wilmot, Carl-Einar Hackner, Roisin Conaty and Daniel Townes as MC
AFTER being cooped up in the dark rooms of Melbourne for a month, the Melbourne Comedy Festival’s most adventurous comedians will hit the road for a whistlestop tour.
When: May 11th - 15th Where: Brisbane Powerhouse Theatre Cost: $37
Gary Numan TO celebrate the 30th anniversary of the release of his revolutionary album, The Pleasure Principle, Gary Numan makes a welcome return to Australia and New Zealand to play the album as it was made: authentically and in its entirety.
birth of electro-pop, ushering in the new wave movement across the globe, it also cemented Gary Numan as an innovator and pioneer in modern pop music. When: Thursday, May 12th Where: The Tivoli Cost: $90
Not only did the album mark the
FIONA O’Loughlin is the funniest working mother in Australia today. Based in Alice Springs, Fiona has spent the past ten years working as a stand-up comedian and a columnist.
GYPSY AND THE CAT have announced their f rst national tour in support of their debut album and single Jona Vark. This will be the band’s f rst national headline tour. When: Saturday 14th May Where: The Hi-Fi
When: May 12th - 14th Where: Sit Down Comedy Club, Paddington Cost: $35
When: Sunday 15th May Where: Coolangatta Hotel
GET excited Brisbane, the f rst Anywhere Theatre Festival is about to start. Running for ten days, it’s a brand new festival for theatre that’s held anywhere but in a traditional theatre venue. From an idea less than a year old, the Anywhere Theatre Festival is set to become Brisbane’s biggest theatre-specif c festival in its inaugural year, with over 150 performance and 200 performers all around Brisbane.
cabaret at a boxing ring in Newstead, theatre in a public toilet at the Musgrave Park Pool, a drama at a heritage listed house in Ipswich, improvisational comedy at a converted ice cream factory, physical theatre in King George Square, or sit back for a bit of comedy after a three course meal. When: May 5th - 14th Where: Various Venues around Brisbane Website: anywherefest.com
Festival goers will be able to catch some
FROG N TOAD BAR HOP EVERY WED & FRI NIGHT
Heading to Cairns and want to save $$ If you are - you’d be crazy not to check out :
MONTHLY FITZROY ISLAND PARTIES
OR PHONE 0418184646
2 & 4 night hostel / party packages from $55 that include: 2or4 nights accommodation & 2or4 evening meals & free Bar Hop $5 off with this ad VOTED CAIRNS’ BEST NIGHT OUT & $150 worth of VIP Gold Club Card & Party Vouchers 42
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
QUEENSLAND CAPE YORK UP the very tip-top of Queensland are about 138,000 square kilometres of unspoiled terrain known as the Cape York Peninsular. If you are someone who is not abject to the possibility of getting dirty, sleeping under the stars, dealing with f at-tyres and a whole lot of red dust, then be prepared to see some of the most beautiful natural landscape that Australia has to offer. You will drive through some of Australia’s biggest National Parks and witness Aboriginal and Torres Strait heritage and culture f rst hand with many sacred sites, traditional rock-wall paintings, and modern established communities. There are also almost untouched beaches, lakes and rivers where swimming is fresh and f sh are abundant for your trawling pleasure. Home to 734 animal species and 2412 plant species, 300 of which can be found nowhere else in the world, this is an off-the-beaten track wonderland that really is a once in a lifetime experience. Take note: There are also a lot of private properties on which trespassing is illegal, so it is recommended before you go to map
out your trip and do a bit of research into the local customs and cultures so you know what to expect. There are alcohol restrictions around the peninsular which you will have to keep track of during your trip. Also be prepared for any weather conditions, most roads are unsealed so double check at racq.com. au before you leave that your chosen route is still safe before you leave. Don’t let any of this put you off, these are also some of the reasons the Cape is one of the most unique travel experiences in the world, so get prepared, buckle up, and sit back while the Australian landscape blows you away.
PLACES TO VISIT COOKTOWN
Being the place where Captain Cook f rst touched down in Australia, Cooktown is the oldest historical town we have to offer. You can take a rock-art painting tour with an aboriginal story-teller, visit one of the many museums, or hop in a car and go f shing on one of the most idyllic coastlines in the north. CONTINUED ON PAGE 46
44
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!! BRISBANE IS OPENING IT’S ARMS TO YOU GUYS!!
BRISN
EYLA
IS AL
DRIE
L
ND
D OU
T…
WE ARE BACK TO DISHING OUT ITIES GREAT ACTIV IN THIS (NOW) ED SUN-DRENCH LAND
woe! Got to get to Brissie!! $3 OFF 1st Ton H IG N ti ta ith presen W
of this ad
QUEENSLAND’S BEST BACKPACKERS QLD’S #1 HOSTEL
www.bunkbrisbane.com.au
1800 682 865 or +61 7 3257 3644
QUEENSLAND LAKEFIELD NATIONAL PARK
From sandstone hills to tropical wetlands this stunning example of Australia’s diverse landscape is known for its vast river systems which attract hundreds of species of rare birds and animals and its cultural signif cance to the Aboriginal people. Camping here is an exceptional experience.
GOLD COAST MARKETS
HOPE VALE
Known for its golden beaches and tanned and toned locals, the Gold Coast has a hidden ethos that most travelers are unaware of.
THURSDAY ISLAND
The local pride in making and growing all of their own produce and arts and crafts can be seen most prevalently in the many community markets that dot up and down the coastline, offering a range of things from brooches to broccoli.
Hope Vale is a coastal merging of river and sea that provides unparalleled f shing, amazing bush and rock landscapes and an Aboriginal culture as old as Australia itself. A must see is Elim Beach, which is possibly one of the most picturesque spots on the entire Australian coast.
If you make it up to the Torres Strait, Thursday Island is an experience not to be missed. An old pearling town, the beauty of the place mixed with its unique culture, community and arts makes it unlike any other island in the world.
They are a hidden goldmine of all things Queensland as well as vintage and new clothes, amazingly fresh food, and you will always f nd a creative keepsake for budget prices nowhere else will offer. BBM has sussed out a few of the best to give you the rundown on a bargain hunting big day out to rival all others.
"The epitome of Surfers Paradise... one big bundle of Backpacker Heaven... an emphasis on fun and frivolity and staff that love to party!" Lonely Planet 2008
THE ONLY HOSTEL
ACROSS FROM
THE BEACH!
6 Share Dorms All with Ensuites and TV’s FREECALL 1800 678 194 SURF N SUN BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 3323 SURFERS PARADISE BLVD
www.surfnsun–goldcoast.com Mention this ad for $2 off first night!
46
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
C A I R N S ’ U LT I M AT E B A C K PA C K E R S H O T E L & R E S O R T !
3
SAVE
*
HUND FREE REDS of $ M $ nigheal every ! t p lus VIP throu PRIC ghou E t ven S u
EVERY
NIGHT!
ionneedd itio Coonnddit Air-c Rooms! Ensuite
ue
.... GOES GREEN!! HELP MAKE GILLIGAN'S GO GREENER! Visit our website and follow the link gilligans.com.au/goesgreen and send us your ideas! What are you waiting for?! You could be a WINNER!!! Full terms & conditions can be viewed on the site. Green initiative, Proudly sponsored by:
• FREE Evening Meal • FREE Linen • FREE Parking • FREE Gymnasium • FREE Tour Advice • FREE Internet (1hr per guest*)
• FREE Airport pickup • Air-conditioned rooms • Ensuites in EVERY room type • Massive lagoon swimming pool • Great Central City Location! • VIP Discounts for Inhouse Guests throughout the Venue
57 – 89 Grafton Street, Cairns 4870
*Conditions apply: 3 night cap. Excludes Budget 8's & 10 share dorms - valid to 31/10/11
$
OFF
QUEENSLAND BURLEIGH HEADS ART AND CRAFTS MARKETS
These markets happen once a month on a Sunday and they are def nitely the area’s most famous. They have been running for over twenty years and draw a big crowd of locals, tourists and families who wander about in the sun looking at hand-made local jewellery, clothes, home wares, soaps, fragrances, food, everything you would expect to f nd in a local market and more. Bring a picnic blanket and sit back on the grass with some home cooked food then have a stroll or a swim on beautiful Burleigh beach. A good Sunday out and you will be done by the afternoon.
the spot you will f nd only unique, quirky and one-of-a-kind items in here. It is def nitely a hub for locals so if you are staying for a while be sure to strike up a conversation with some creative young minds as well as f nding some inexpensive hidden treasures.
THE VILLAGE MARKETS
For the fashion savvy amongst you these markets are a must. Started in 2008 and held once a month this is where you will f nd all of the local artistic talent. Whether it be a design student selling their handpainted vintage shoe collection, an aspiring designer showcasing their latest range of hand sewn dresses or an artist making fresh original prints on
48
MIAMI ORGANIC FARMERS MARKETS For home grown produce you cannot go past the Miami Markets. Every Sunday morning you will f nd rows and rows of the freshest, most colourful and delicious fruit and vegetables along with eggs, milk and locally made cheeses to make your mouth water. Everything in the markets must be certif ed organically grown and is from the local farming areas. Being sourced locally makes all of the produce very cheap as well so if you are going to stock up on groceries for the week this is the place to f nd top quality food at good prices.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
.com.au
CAIRNS
7KH 1RUWKHUQ *UHHQKRXVH ª´WV LQWR WKH EXGJHW category with dorm accommodation and a ODLG EDFN YLEH EXW WKLV SODFH LV D FXW DERYH WKH RWKHU EDFNSDFNHUV JRRG SODFH WR PHHW SHRSOH «
- Lonely Planet (our hostel is their TOP PICK!)
w >11 ) w %182 /-@1>5:3 75@/41: w %C5995:3 <;;8 w : 4;A?1 .-> w !:?5@1 8-A:0>E w :@1>@-5:91:@ 01/7 w ";;8 @-.81 w 5> /;:05@5;:10 >;;9? w :?A5@1 5: 1B1>E >;;9 w : 4;A?1 @>-B18 01?7 w %1/A>1 /-> <->75:3
backpacker! Where we stayed, amazing
Having fun in the sun , Great Barrier Re ef.
! +
117 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 FREECALL: 1800 000 541 T +61 (0)7 4047 7200 F +61 (0)7 4041 6822 E northern@friendlygroup.com.au
MON
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; - 9-35/-88E 45001: >-5:2;>1?@ ?C5995:3 4;81
TUE
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; @41 81/71> ;@-:5/-8 ->01:?
WED
>11 >1-72-?@ %<1:0 - <1>21/@ 0-E ;: @41 C-@1> ?-585:3 4-881:31 E;A> 9-@1? @; - 3-91 ;2 @1::5? -? @41 ?A: 3;1? 0;C: : @41 1B1:5:3 5@p? 9;B51 :534@
THU
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 @>-:?21> @; @41 8A1 %7E >1C1>E C41>1 E;A /-: @-71 <->@ 5: - 95/>; .>1C1>E @;A> >11 @>-:?21> @; -.81 )-@1>?75 "->7 2;> -: 1B1:5:3 ;2 C-71.;->05:3
FRI
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 ;A@5:3 @; 885? 1-/4 C41>1 E;A /-: ?;-7 A< @41 ?A:?45:1 -:0 1:6;E - #
SAT
>11 <-:/-71 .>1-72-?@ +'
SUN
>11 .>1-72-?@ >11 %A:0-E :534@ # 2@1> 05::1> 5@p? 9;B51 :534@
AWARDED â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;BEST BACKPACKER ACCOMMODATIONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;
Bragging Rights
OCEANS Y OUTH & E CO ADVEN T U RE H
SUNLOVER
OSTELS
REEF CRUISES
Discover the Real Reef
$130
INTRODUCTORY
SCUBABEDS DIVE DORM
$125 $27
FROM FROM
per person 4 hours of reef fun!
per person
per maxperson 4 ppl
CERTIFIED PRIVATE ROOM SCUBA DIVE FROM FROM
$75 $80
Shortest travel time…longest play time!
twin share
maxperson 2 ppl per
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËTravel to the reef on board our air-conditioned Catamaran ËSnorkelling equipment provided ËInformative presentation hosted by our marine naturalist ËOn-board touch tank to experience marine life up close
ËDelicious chef-prepared buffet luncheon featuring fresh seafood, hot dishes, salads and fruit ËGuided coral viewing from our semi-submersible craft and glass-bottom boat
FERNTREE Hostel
Cape Tribulation DORM BEDS FROM
$27
per person
max 4 ppl
PRIVATE ROOM access to Ferntree Rainforest Hostel guests have full the Ferntree Rainforest Lodge facilities THE OYEAH! FACTORS:
ËTwo Swimming Pools ËMini-Fridge in All Rooms ËBBQ Facilities
ËVolleyball Court ËTV Lounge ËTour Booking Service
FROM
$75
twin share
max 2 ppl
ËClose to Food Store and Pharmacy ËShort walk to PK’s Jungle Bar ËCassowary Cafe – Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner FERNTREE RAINFOREST HOSTEL SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES
Free Call:
1800 075 125 (Calls within Australia)
Cairns
.COM.AU
Townsville
OCEANS Y OUTH & E CO ADVEN T U RE H
OSTELS
DORM
BEDS BEDS DORM
$27
FROM FROM
per person
per maxperson 4 ppl
DOUBLE ROOM PRIVATE ROOM FROM FROM
$75
An island escape on the mainland
max share 2 ppl twin
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËTwo Pristine Pools ËSpa ËFree WiFi
ËBBQ Facilities ËGames Room ËOceans Bar & Grill
twin share (max 2 ppl)
ËEnsuite with Mini-fridge ËTV & DVD Player in the Chill Room ËShopping Centre & Supermarket next door ËTour Booking Service
BAREFOOT LODGE LONG ISLAND
Airlie Beach Hostel DORM BEDS FROM
$27
per person
max 4 ppl
PRIVATE ROOM
Barefoot Lodge guests have full access to the Long Island Resort’s facilities
FROM
$75
THE OYEAH! FACTORS: ËSwim-up Pool Bar and Lap Pool ËAmazing Beach frontage ËSpa ËFish/Bird Feeding
ËGames Room Ë20 kms of Rainforest Walking Tracks ËDaily Activities and Nightly Entertainment ËSnorkelling
ËWatersports (additional charge) ËTour Booking Service ËFan Cooled Rooms ËTennis
Free Call:
1800 075 125 (Calls within Australia)
twin share
max 2 ppl
Cairns
.COM.AU
LONG ISLAND BAREFOOT LODGE
Townsville Airlie Beach
CLUB CROC HOSTEL
52
fiji
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
BETWEEN the Coral Sea and the South Pacif c Ocean there is a spot three and a half hours outside of Australia which is an affordable, close and an absolutely beautiful slice of paradise. We at BBM are besotted. Whether you’re trying to impress a girl with romance, going on a tropical party cruise, or just being a lone ranger travelling the world for adventure, the 322 islands of Fiji all have a place for you. You can trek, dive, swim, snorkel, cruise, party, pick-up, f y, walk, drive, cycle, tube, drink, dance, climb, lose yourself, watch, learn, f nd, leave, then come back and do the whole thing differently before you have even seen half of it. For a two week getaway or a six month island hop Fiji is the cheapest, most diverse and closest place to spend your time adventuring, lounging, meeting new people and seeing some of the most beautiful tropical paradise islands the world has to offer. You can enjoy seven days in Fiji for less than $700 including return airfares from Air Pacif c, accommodation and all meals. If you like sun, fun, travel and adventure in ideal tropical environments then read on for the next four weeks to f nd out where to go, how to get there, what to do, what to see and just generally how to get the most out of the world’s most beautiful island colony. If you are not booking a f ight at the end of it, we don’t know you. The best way to think about Fiji geographically is as a set of spots. There are two main islands; Viti Levu, where 95% of you will land in Nadi, and the slightly more offbeat Vanua Levu to the north. Around those are about 300 sea spots (also known as islands) from the size of a small house to the size of a big city that are about as diverse as you can get. If you want to stick to a well travelled route the Yasawa islands in the north-west are a tourist paradise. It takes about two and a half hours from Nadi (on Viti Levu) but you get to go on a catamaran or hop on a Pacif c Island Seaplane for a beautiful f ight. There are about 20 islands down from Yasawa to Naviti for your traipsing pleasure. If offshore snorkeling, hiking, cheap accommodation and beautiful beaches (be sure to check out Beach beach, just for a photo) don’t appeal to you, then stay away from here. For surfers, or the people who like to watch surfers, the famous ‘Cloudbreak’ can be found on Tavarua just off the west coast of Viti Levu, and if you go a little further west the coral islands of the Mamanucas will provide more surf (and surfers) than your ‘swellest’ dreams. If you are like us at BBM though, and are lazy with an eye for funny names we suggest pretending to be a pirate on Treasure Island, having a lie down on Malolo Lailai, combing the beach on Beachcomber (that one is a bit of a stretch) or just enjoying the sun drenched white sand whilst trying to pronounce Matamanoa, Qalito and Naviti, our favourite is Smugglers Cove.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
53
FOR the less creative of you BBM has thrown together a droolworthy taster of what you would be doing if you werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sitting on a busy train in the middle of the city reading this.
Day 1
Step off the plane in Nadi to a wave of 28 degree balmy heat and an array of locals serenading you with traditional Fijian song (they are trying to entice you to their hotels but it still sounds and looks great). If you want a few days to explore before adventuring on island hops get yourself on a shuttle bus into Nadi and make base at Nadi Bay Resort. This is a fantastic city to centre yourself in as most tours, planes, boats, cars and buses leave from here. The city itself is a crazy mix of colourful markets, creative cuisine including local Indian and Fijian but also Chinese, Italian and some strange mixtures of the above. Check out the local bars, open until all hours, and make sure to chat to at least one taxi driver (ask a local about the right price for a fare f rst, they do get a bit over excited with charging you).
54
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Days 2 - 8 WAKE up with a few new words in your vocabulary and probably more souvenirs than you need at the start of a trip (that traditional straw skirt looked so pretty and necessary last night) and head down to the harbour to check out cruises going to the Yasawas or the Mamanucas. Both are worth a visit if you have time, but if you have to choose, the Yasawas are slightly less commercial and more rugged whereas the Mamanucas are a tropical paradise akin to those in the James Bond movies where he lands on a tropical beach and there is a girl in a bikini waiting for him with a cocktail in hand.
56
With a tour you will be able to see a lot more of the multitude of islands along the western coast but if you want to stay in one spot there are a lot of great package deals for week-long stays that will include meals, accommodation and activities on the island of your choice. For the super adventurous who want to see everything from a great height check out Skydive Fiji, there is possibly no greater place in the world to jump out of a plane. The islands are all so breathtakingly different though that it is worth hopping along at least for a week before settling down.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Days 8 - 14 YOUR catamaran will drop you back in Nadi and, after a quick meal and a trip to one of the many day spas, you will now be relaxed enough to decide upon your next activities. You can decide to f y to Vanua Levu, hire a four-wheel drive and spend a week exploring the rugged terrain of the more traditional Fijian island. You will not f nd many towns and cities here but there are again a lot of tours that will take you across the volcanic landscape and into traditional Fijian villages where you can experience the island at a very grass roots level. The Fijian capital of Suva is a must during your trip and for a relatively small cost you can grab a bus or carrier (local transport for the more adventurous and adrenaline seeking among you) across the island for more nightlife, festivities and some beautiful architecture. Suva is also another great base to check out the eastern islands which are less inhabited and more naturally beautiful. You will f nd rainforests surrounded by reef and f sh and mountainous terrain which offers more physical beauty than the Miss Universe pageant. Alternatively again you could go to one of the beautiful national parks and spend a week hiking, bamboo rafting, sleeping in treetops and eating food cooked under the ground (â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;lovoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; feasts are a local specialty). If you are still not convinced that this place is worth a visit, you might want to go get your head checked out. Alternatively keep reading for the next few weeks and we will update you with features on places, activities and handy travel tips to make sure your trip is as good and mind blowing as we say it will be.
58
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
RECRUITMENT
PROMOTIONS STAFF WANTED One of Australia’s leading travel insurance providers will be coordinating flashmobs around Sydney CBD (interactive marketing groups of 25 people “performing” routine exercises in lycra suits). There will be 4 separate dates/times across a period of 2 weeks in various locations, but central to Sydney CBD. We’re offering $225 for x1 rehearsal and x4 separate/individual dates. * Thursday 12th May - Rehearsal * Tuesday 17th May - Flash Mob 1 * Thursday 19th May - Flash Mob 2 * Monday 23rd May - Flash Mob 3 * Wednesday 25th May - Flash Mob 4
12:30pm - 1:30pm 8.00am - 9.00am 5.00pm - 6.00pm 12:30pm - 1:30pm 8.00am - 9.00am
WHO we are looking for: Fit men & women aged 18-45. No experience necessary. Travellers/Backpackers welcome.
PLEASE EMAIL KRISTEN.FRASER@1COVER.COM.AU OR CALL 02 8252 0627
CALL DURING BUSINESS HOURS MONDAY TO FRIDAY
60
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
:$17 72 ),1' $ -2%" Â&#x;OĂ?OÂ&#x;AĂ&#x192;cÂł Ă?Â&#x2013;lÂ&#x2013;OlĂ&#x192;Ă?Â&#x;yĂ?Ă?Â&#x2C6;lĂ? -" `Ă? Ă&#x2DC;Ă&#x2020;Ă?Ă&#x192;AÂ&#x2019;Â&#x2039;AÂ&#x203A;Ă? Â&#x;Â&#x203A;Ă?Ă&#x192;AYĂ?Ă?-Ă&#x192;Â&#x;ylĂ&#x2020;Ă&#x2020;Â&#x2039;Â&#x;Â&#x203A;AÂ&#x2019;Ă?"AÂ&#x203A;AÂ&#x20AC;lÂ&#x2013;lÂ&#x203A;Ă?Ă? Ă&#x2020;Ă&#x2020;Â&#x;YÂ&#x2039;AĂ?Â&#x2039;Â&#x;Â&#x203A;
To apply for these roles please e-mail your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au
Sydney Jobs
Apply to tc@freespirit.com.au
9LVLW XV DW /HYHO 3LWW 6WUHHW 6\GQH\
MEDIA SALES CONSULTANT $22 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLES)
CLAIMS $22 PER HOUR (3 MONTH ROLES)
Our client is a newly established on-line media agency seeking a number of experienced outbound call consultants to join their small but busy North Sydney media team.
Leading Australian Insurance company requires reliable travelers for contract role;
You will possess; â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ Highly motivated individual â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Friendly personality This is a great role calling an existing client base. Full training provided.
â&#x20AC;˘ Must have Insurance Claims experience, Home & Content preferred â&#x20AC;˘ Strong Microsoft Office and communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ CBD location â&#x20AC;˘ Young and friendly team, nice offices â&#x20AC;˘ $22 plus super â&#x20AC;˘ Start now for 3 months with a view to extend to 6 months
TELESALES CONSULTANTS $21 PER HOUR
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE/RECEIVABLE $24-$26 PER HOUR
Our Client is seeking experienced Telesales Consultantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with the following criteria:
Do you have accounts payable/receivable experience?? We have clients in the city seeking candidates for immediate start.
â&#x20AC;˘ Minimum of 6 months call centre experience â&#x20AC;˘ English fluency â&#x20AC;˘ Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity â&#x20AC;˘ Strong experience with an aggressive sales attitude â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Financial Services Background would be a Bonus
The ideal candidate will; â&#x20AC;˘ Thrive in a busy environment â&#x20AC;˘ High attention to detail â&#x20AC;˘ At least 2 years experience â&#x20AC;˘ Ability to prioritize workload Assignments are up to 6 months paying $24-$26 an hour. To apply for these roles please email your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au
Already have a job and want more money? Call 1300 freespirit to ask us about LAFHA.
)RU PRUH MREV FDOO IUHHVSLULW RU YLVLW ZZZ IUHHVSLULW FRP DX
JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA THINK YOU’RE FUNNIER THAN US? BBM is looking for some new contributors. Want to get you work published in a National magazine and website whilst earning concert tickets, bar tabs, free travel trips, etc. Email ben. harlum@what-media.com or call 02 8231 7706
MELBOURNE PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call Jerry on 03 9867 6322
TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
62
SYDNEY Call Centre - Travellers Wanted! Our Client is seeking travellers with fantastic customer service and sale skills for a 6-8 temp assignment. Your role will be generating leads on behalf of a well established global client through warm and cold calling. Paying $22 Plus Super If you think you are right for the role then please send your detailed resume to tc@freespirit.com.au
DATA ENTRY POSITIONS AVAILABLE NOW!
Working Holiday Makers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be Enthusiastic, have a Good Typing Speed, and able to Follow Instructions. Full Training Given. Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362
INDUSTRIOUS RECRUITMENT
is currently looking for casual staff with experience in: Warehousing, Labouring, Stores, Process Work, Green card and safety boots are an advantage – however not essential! Various assignments, short & long term! Email sarah@ industriousrecruitment.com.au or contact Sarah @ (02) 9270 5257
HAIRDRESSER REQUIRED
NO WEEKENDS!!! Flexible Hours - Busy City Salon - Great Salary - Travellers Welcome CONTACT SUE ON 0409 091 343 OR (02) 9299 4748 email: sydneyhairandbeauty@ yahoo.com www.sydneyhairandbeauty.com
DATA ENTRY OFFICER – TRAVELLERS WELCOME!! Our Client is seeking an experienced Data Entry Offi cer with the following criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience. English fl uency. Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity. Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are the right candidate for this role please forward your resume through to mailto:tc@freespirit.com.au
TELEMARKETERS – SMILE WHILE YOU DIAL! Working Holidaymakers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be enthusiastic, confi dent, well spoken and able to follow instructions. No experience necessary - Full training given. Base + Commission + Bonus Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362
BBM-607 // CLASSIFIEDS
BBM-607 // CLASSIFIEDS
63
ADULT EMPLOYMENT
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road.
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour
NO SEX
www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
Female Masseurs Required $115 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
92997771 (02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $115 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES
135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
219 Croydon ATTRACTIVE LADIES
WANTED Busy day time parlour Guaranteed big money Flexible shifts Immediate start Please call or text
0404404742
219 Elizabeth St Croydon
-BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV
64
BBM-607 // CLASSIFIEDS
ACCOMMODATION
SYDNEY
Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms in the heart of the city. Dorm beds single $40 per night or $180 per week, double rooms $80 per night OR $320 per week. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
Potts Point â&#x20AC;&#x201C; CLOSE TO CITY. Large Studio in garden complex. Close to Kings Cross station. Suitable for a couple. Fully furnished and equipped with everything you need including TV, linen, crockery, microwave etc. $375pw. Call 0425286445
BONDI JUNCTION Fully Furnished near new Studio apartments. Available for short or long term rental. All bills inc. Close to beach, parks, bars and transport. Ideal for 2 people. From $150 pp/pw. Call 0405 20 5000
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
BBM-607 // ACCOMMODATION
65
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
66
PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL
428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL
370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: 1800 4 or 02 9357 7897 Website: www.KangaHouse.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS
MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
HUNTER VALLEY HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
KATOOMBA
KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
BYRON BAY
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS
NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE
LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
SURF N SUN BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS
3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free Call 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com TREKKERS BACKPACKERS 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 BOOKINGS FREECALL : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au
QUEENSLAND
SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800
BRISBANE
www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St New Farm Brisbane 0433777061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind Minimum 2 week stay BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865
GOLDCOAST AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com
spbr@bigpond.net.au
NOOSA
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY
NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad.
GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
DREAMTIME TRAVELLERS REST 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph:0740316753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
MISSION BEACH
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS
BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL
366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au
BBM-607 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
Australia CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE
Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH
PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH
WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au
OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
MONKEY MIA
MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
KUNUNURRA
KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
BROOME
BEACHES OF BROOME 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au
VICTORIA MILDURA REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP
BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au
www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30
BBM-607 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com
Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
BACK OF CHAPEL 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au
ST. KILDA
OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au
Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
APOLLO BAY
APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
HINDMARSH ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS
CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au MAJESTIC MINIMA HOTEL 146 Melbourne Street North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Fax: 08 8410 6288 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com
JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
67
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand CHRISTCHURCH
CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN
BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new fl ashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefi eld Stree Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off fi rst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off fi rst night if you mention this ad
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfi ji.comwww beachcomberfi ji.com THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fi jibeachouse.co www.fi jibeachouse.co
68
SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfi ji.com Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfi ji.co
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfi ji com THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacifi c Harbou P.O.Box 416 Pacifi c Habou Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fi jinadibayhotel.com NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj
BBM-607 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
TOURS & ACTIVITIES SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS 1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: (07)54 370 211 or 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au
COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com
The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au
Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au
Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND
SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz
SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS
Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI
SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
SKYRAIL RAINFOREST CABLEWAY Cnr of Captain Cook Highway and Cairns Western Arterial Road, PO Box 888 Smithfield, Queensland, 4878 Ph: 07 4038 1555 Fax: 07 4038 1888 mail@skyrail.com.au www.skyrail.com.au OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
BBM-607 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
GOING SOUTH
Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au
TEMPTATION DOLPHIN SWIM Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 Fax: (08) 8353 0750 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au
RAFTING
AUSTRALIA
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA
BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
KITESURF 1770 / IKO CER TIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au
MARINE CHARTERS AUSTRALIA
ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au
KANGAROO ISLAND MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 Fax: 08 8553 0016 www.kimarineadventures.com
KAYAKING AUSTRALIA
ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: (08) 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au
BIKE RIDING AUSTRALIA
ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au
JET BOATING
NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
AUSTRALIA
JET BOAT EXTREME Behind Titanium Bar Ferny Avenue Surfers Paradise Queensland Ph: 0755388890 Mob: 0404099981 info@jetboatextreme.com.au www.jetboatextreme.com.au
ROLLERBLADING
SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience
MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au
JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au
RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA
AUSTRALIA
ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022
RODNEY FOX EXPEDITIONS 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au
GLACIER GUIDING
BUNGY JUMPING
Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com
NEW ZEALAND
AUSTRALIA
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
SURFING AUSTRALIA
SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au
69
CRYSTAL BALLS
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week
Unfortunately, this is purely
Libra
Capricorn
down to your name being the
DON’T get too full of yourself.
LACK of a job getting you
first alphabetically.
Yes, your eight-game winning
down? Need something to help
streak at table football is
you feel useful? Why not try
With luck one of you will
impressive but if you keep
some scientific research.
manage to break the nil-all
making those awful jokes about
stalemate by next year.
getting a sponsorship deal with
Do some extensive testing to
Nike you’re not going to have
find out what combination of
any friends left to play with.
beer and spirits will produce no
Cancer ADMIT it. You’re one of the
hangover whatsoever.
thousands of sad cases who,
At least all that wrist action
Aries
as soon as they get off the
you’ve been getting over the
You will inevitably suffer
YES, saving money is always
plane, rush straight into the
years is proving useful for
horribly during the testing
a good idea but trying to save
bathroom in a fit of excitement
something.
but millions of pubbers and
one dollar by not replacing
and spend the next hour
that lightbulb that blew in
continually flushing the toilet to
Scorpio
grateful to you if you are
the bathroom is getting into
see if the water goes down the
BORED of your new job as a
eventually able to crack it.
Ebenezer Scrooge territory.
opposite way – although you
toy train driver in the Botanic
can’t remember which way it
Gardens?
It now means that no-one can
clubbers will be eternally
go for a piss between the hours
Why not pretend you’re at Alton
look is just too boring for you
of 6pm and 6am for fear of
Leo
Towers, put the pedal to the floor
to have any serious chance of
missing the bog.
YOUR brilliant plan to hire a
and start taking corners at high
success with the opposite sex.
car will go wrong when, on
speed to the delighted screams
A house of bedwetters is not
the first outing, you’ll suddenly
of your young passengers?
going to attract the ladies.
realise you’re driving on the
Time for a drastic image change. How does a huge hairy
left hand side of the road and
Added excitement could come
handlebar moustache sound for
Taurus
quickly switch to the other
in the form of the world’s
an idea?
BEACH football is a nice idea
side.
slowest and shortest police
in theory, but it’s time you woke up and smelt the coffee.
chase ever. You will then realise that you
Especially if you’re female. It will most definitely make people
were right first time and terrify
Sagittarius
The reality is that after five
all of your passengers by
YOU might think being the only
minutes of being sandblasted
zig-zagging haphazardly across
one to drag yourself out of bed
Pisces
by the wind your bare feet are
the asphalt like a demented
in order to watch the US political
YOU might as well face it, that
going to feel like you’ve been
bumblebee.
coverage of the Bin Laden killing
addiction to Football Manager
makes you the intellectual of the
is never going to be broken.
playing keepy-uppy with a cheese grater.
Virgo
remember you.
house, but it doesn’t.
YOU will be challenged to a bet
You were toying with the idea of
Hobbling around the house on
by a ‘friend’ and inevitably lose,
That DVD of Jackass the Movie
jetting off home to go back to
two bloody stumps, you’ll wish
meaning that on the following
you watched right after cancels
your daily routine of crouching
you’d listened to Crystal.
day your fellow commuters will
it right out and has probably
in the corner of your bedroom
be entertained by the sight of
killed off the few brain cells you
with your beloved PC, weren’t
Gemini
you travelling to work dressed
have left.
you?
YOU can feel very proud of
in a pirate outfit.
yourself for being at the top
70
Aquarius LET’S face it, your current
usually goes.
Never mind, it could be worse
Ever considered counselling?
of the table in that pulling
This will lead to your boss firing
– you could be American. Or
Or perhaps searching for a
competition you’re having
you before you can even say
even worse, you could be one
girlfriend? Or masturbation?
with your housemates.
‘Yo Ho Ho.’
of Sarah Palin’s kids.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
ASK CRYSTAL He’s from Huddersfield but
him three series of Brookside,
work. My call centre job fired me
sounds like Steve Irwin crossed
Clockwork Orange-style.
after the girl behind complained about me staring at her.
with someone from Emmerdale. This will cause his accent to morph I’m at my wit’s end with him and
into a blend of Yorkshire, Aussie
I’ve had to resort to sitting on the
don’t know what to do.
and Scouse that will prevent him
beach busking, and I’m shit at
ever opening his gob again.
singing. What do I do?
Holly, Illawarra
The Purple Butterfly, Manly
Dear Crystal,
Dear Holly,
Dear Crystal,
I’M starting to get royally pissed
THIS could go one of two ways.
I MET a very interesting bloke the
Dear Purple Butterfly,
off with this country.
If he’s in the early stages it’s
other day. He gave me this leaflet
GIVE me strength. I saw you
possible the stupid prick will
advertising something called the
down the beach the other day,
grow up and drop the accent.
‘Brotherhood of Judas’.
didn’t I? You need some better
him he’s had this weird thing
If he’s got into the habit of
It’s a really amazing institution;
starting to peel off. Have you
that makes him find the Aussie
leaping out at people while
you just need to shave your
considered trying to get people
accent really sexy.
yelling ‘CRIKEY!!” at the top of
head, get a pair of eyes tattooed
to pay you to stop singing?
his voice you’re going to have to
on the back and give them 90
get tough with him.
per cent of your earnings for the
My boyfriend’s out here with
sun cream. One of your eyes is
me and ever since I’ve known
I’m not worried about him
next 20 years and they’ll give you
cheating on me – he knows he’d lose his balls if he did – but what
I suggest tying him down,
I DO have a problem with is him
propping his eyelids open with
picking it up himself.
toothpicks and forcefeeding
a free book of all their chants. The only problem is I can’t find
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail Crystal via. editor@britishballs.com
TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
JOKES TEN YEARS. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US f nally found Bin Laden. In his house. John, Brisbane
I’VE just got back from a deep sea f shing trip with my mate. We didn’t catch much, just a burst blow up doll with a beard drawn on it. Peter, Coogee
APPARENTLY, Bin Laden had a 25 million dollar price tag on his head. What kind of ridiculous, designer turban was he wearing? Timothy, Perth
I’VE started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s gran. She’s an animal in bed. Jimmy, Edgecliff
I SAW my brothers mate yesterday. I said: “You really shouldn’t be doing that... you’re brothers.” Terry, Bondi COINCIDENTALLY, an anagram of Osama Bin Laden is “Lob da man in sea”. Thomas, Brisbane I WAS walking past my local community board the other day, when I spotted an advert that said: ‘Women Against Sexism Workshop’. I thought: “Workshop? That’s no place for a woman.” Jimbo, Cairns I’M in a band called The Taxpayers. We’ve been supporting Queen and Prince for years. Jack, Bondi 72
WHEN I was told I had one hour to live, it was hard to decide what I should do. Eventually I chose to forward the email to 25 of my friends. Todd, Coogee THE entire Pakistani military have written a letter to the UN begging for help locating their mouths and chins. It seems they have trouble in f nding anything that has been right under their fucking noses for years. Ted, Townsville APPARENTLY Bin Laden had eight wives. Damn, his house must have been clean. Geoff, Double Bay BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE PlWDL+/-Pts Manchester United35211043873 Chelsea3521773870 Arsenal35191063267 Manchester City3418882262 Liverpool35167121555 Tottenham Hotspur3414137755 Everton3511159548 Bolton Wanderers35121013046 Fulham35101510745 Stoke City3512716043 West Bromwich Albion35111014-1443 Newcastle United35101114-241 Aston Villa35101114-1341 Sunderland35101114-1341 Birmingham City3581512-1739 Blackburn Rovers3510817-1438 Blackpool359818-2235 Wigan Athletic3571414-2335 Wolverhampton Wanderers359719-2334 West Ham United3571117-2332
Tables do not include Friday night’s results.
LEAGUE 1
CHAMPIONSHIP PlWDL+/-Pts Queens Park Rangers45241654088 Norwich City45231482583 Cardiff City452310122279 Swansea City45238142377 Reading45191792574 Nottingham Forest451915111672 Leeds United451815121069 Millwall451813141567 Burnley45181314467 Hull City45161712465 Leicester City45181017364 Ipswich Town4518819-462 Watford45161316861 Middlesbrough45161118-359 Bristol City4516920-657 Portsmouth45151218-757 Coventry City45141219-454 Barnsley45131418-1253 Derby County45131022-1249 Crystal Palace45121221-2248 Doncaster Rovers45111519-2348 Sheffi eld United4511925-314 Scunthorpe United4512528-4441 Preston North End4591224-2739
PlWDL+/-Pts Brighton and Hove Albion45281074594 Southampton45278104689 Huddersfi eld Town4525119298 Peterborough United452210132676 Milton Keynes Dons FC4522815674 AFC Bournemouth451914122271 Leyton Orient45181314667 Exeter City45191016-867 Rochdale45171414765 Brentford4517919-760 Carlisle United45161118059 Colchester United45151416-759 Sheffi eld Wednesday4516101915 Charlton Athletic45151317-458 Tranmere Rovers45151119-556 Oldham Athletic45131715-656 Yeovil Town45151119-1256 Hartlepool United45151119-1856 Notts County4514724-1449 Walsall45121221-1748 Dagenham & Redbridge45121122-1347 Bristol Rovers45111222-3345 Plymouth Argyle4515723-2042 Swindon Town4581423-2438
LEAGUE 2 PlWDL+/-Pts Chesterfi eld4523148328 Bury452311113280 Wycombe Wanderers452114101777 Shrewsbury Town452113112076 Accrington Stanley45181891872 Torquay United451718102368 Stevenage Football Club451814131768 Gillingham451717111268 Port Vale45171414665 Rotherham United451615141363 Oxford United45171216163 Crewe Alexandra451711171862 Southend United45161316861 Aldershot Town45131913-358 Macclesfi eld Town45141219-145 Bradford City4515723-2152 Morecambe45131220-1851 Cheltenham Town45131220-2151 Burton Albion45121419-1450 Northampton Town45101916-949 Hereford United45121617-1649 Lincoln City4513824-3347 Barnet45111222-2045 Stockport County4591323-4840
OTHER LEAGUES
FOCUS ON... FRANCE WITH pretty much all the other big leagues already wrapped up, only France are left f ying the f ag (and for once it’s not white) of title-race excitement. Just one point seperates the top two with former powerhouses Lyon having slumped off the pace to third following a shocking couple of results that’s left coach Claude Puel’s job hanging by a thread. Lyon’s last throw of the dice comes this weekend with a crucial game against Marseille. The real winners of that match will be leaders Lille who thumped basement boys Arles-Avignon 5-0 to leapfrog Marseille at the top last week. Lille take on struggling Nancy this weekend.
PlWDL+/-Pts Lille OSC33171242863 Olympique Marseille33171152162 Olympique Lyon33151172256 Paris Saint-Germain33151171656 Rennes3314109752 FC Lorient33121110347 FC Sochaux3313713846 Girondins Bordeaux3310158545 Saint-Etienne33111210145 Montpellier HSC33111111-744 Toulouse FC3312615-142 Stade Brest33101112-341 Valenciennes3381510139 AS Monaco3381510039 Caen3310914-739 OGC Nice3391212-1439 AS Nancy3310815-1338 RC Lens3361215-1930 AC Arles-Avignon3311121-4714
SERIE A PlWDL+/-Pts AC Milan3523843877 Internazionale3521682369 Napoli3521592168 Lazio35186111360 Udinese35185121959 AS Roma3517810659 Juventus35151191156 Palermo3515515-550 Fiorentina35121310749 Genoa3512914-245 Cagliari3512815-244 Chievo35101213-242 Parma35101114-941 Catania35101015-1240 Bologna35111014-1340 Cesena3591016-1437 Sampdoria3581215-1236 Lecce359818-2135 Brescia3571018-1631 Bari354922-3021
SCOTTISH PREMIER PlWDL+/-Pts Rangers3527354984 Celtic3526545483 Heart of Midlothian3518981663 Dundee United35151010255 Kilmarnock3513913448 Motherwell3513616-1245 Inverness Caledonian Thistle35111113444 Hibernian3510718-1737 St. Johnstone3591016-2337 Aberdeen3510520-1935 St. Mirren357820-2429 Hamilton Academical3541120-3423
74
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
LA LIGA PlWDL+/-Pts FC Barcelona3428427088 Real Madrid3425545280 Valencia CF3419691563 Villarreal CF34186101360 Atlético Madrid34157121152 Sevilla FC3415712352 Athletic Bilbao3416315351 RCD Espanyol3415316-548 Levante UD3412715-943 Sporting Gijón34101212-642 RCD Mallorca3412616-1242 Real Sociedad3413219-1341 Racing Santander34101014-1540 Real Zaragoza3410915-1239 Málaga CF3411617-1739 Osasuna3410816-338 Deportivo La Coruña3491114-1538 Getafe CF3410717-1137 Hércules CF349619-2233 UD Almería3451118-2726
FOOTBALL RESULTS Thursday, 5 May Uefa Europa League Braga 1-0 Benfi ca (agg 2-2) (Braga win on away goals Villarreal 3-2 FC Porto (agg 4-7) Blue Square Bet Premier Wrexham 0-3 Luton ---------------------------------------------------------Wednesday, 4 May Uefa Champions League Man Utd 4-1 Schalke 04 (agg 6-1) Clydesdale Bank Premier League Inverness CT 3-2 Celtic Scot-Ads Highland Football League Brora 2-3 Wick Academy Huntly 2-4 Nairn County ---------------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 3 May Uefa Champions League Barcelona 1-1 Real Madrid (agg 3-1) -------------------------------------------------------Monday, 2 May Npower Championship Cardiff 0-3 Middlesbrough Portsmouth 0-1 Norwich (Norwich are promoted) Npower League One Plymouth 1-3 Southampton (Plymouth are relegated) Clydesdale Bank Premier League St Mirren 0-1 Hamilton Scot-Ads Highland Football League Fort William 1-4 Cove Rangers Loosemores Welsh Premier League Cup Llanelli 3-4 The New Saints (After Extra Time) League of Ireland Premier Division Bohemians 1-1 Bray Dundalk 1-1 Shamrock Rovers Sligo 3-0 Derry City St Patricks 5-2 Galway Utd UCD 2-1 Drogheda Utd ---------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 1 May Barclays Premier League Arsenal 1-0 Man Utd Birmingham 1-1 Wolverhampton Liverpool 3-0 Newcastle Man City 2-1 West Ham Clydesdale Bank Premier League Celtic 4-1 Dundee Utd ---------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 30 April Barclays Premier League Blackburn 1-0 Bolton Blackpool 0-0 Stoke Chelsea 2-1 Tottenham Sunderland 0-3 Fulham West Brom 2-1 Aston Villa Wigan 1-1 Everton Npower Championship Coventry 0-0 Reading Derby 0-2 Bristol City Doncaster 1-1 Leicester Hull 1-1 Crystal Palace Ipswich 2-1 Preston Leeds 1-0 Burnley Millwall 0-2 Swansea Nott Forest 5-1 Scunthorpe (Scunthorpe relegated) Sheffi eld Utd 2-2 Barnsley(Sheff Utd relegated) Watford 0-2 QPR (QPR are Champions) Npower League One Brentford 0-3 Southampton Brighton 2-3 Huddersfi eld Bristol Rovers 1-1 Sheff Wed Dag & Red 3-0 Carlisle Exeter 1-0 Plymouth Hartlepool 2-2 Bournemouth Leyton Orient 0-3 Tranmere MK Dons 2-1 Notts County Rochdale 2-2 Peterborough Swindon 0-2 Oldham Walsall 2-0 Charlton Yeovil 4-2 Colchester Npower League Two Accrington Stanley 3-1 Barnet Aldershot 2-2 Rotherham Bury 1-3 Wycombe Cheltenham 0-1 Shrewsbury Crewe 2-0 Stockport (Stockport are relegated)
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM `
Gillingham 2-4 Macclesfi el Hereford 1-1 Bradford Northampton 2-0 Stevenage Oxford Utd 2-1 Lincoln City Port Vale 7-2 Morecambe Southend 1-1 Burton Albion Clydesdale Bank Premier League Aberdeen 1-0 Inverness CT Hibernian 1-2 St Johnstone Kilmarnock 2-2 Hearts Motherwell 0-5 Rangers Blue Square Bet Premier AFC Wimbledon 2-1 Grimsby Altrincham 3-4 Eastbourne Boro Barrow 2-0 Hayes & Yeading Bath City 2-0 Mansfi el Cambridge Utd 0-1 Fleetwood Town Crawley Town 1-1 York Darlington 2-0 Rushden & D’mnds Gateshead 1-7 Newport County Kettering 3-1 Southport Kidderminster 2-2 Histon Luton 1-1 Wrexham Tamworth 2-1 Forest Green Scottish First Division Cowdenbeath 1-0 Stirling Dundee 3-2 Partick Thistle Falkirk 0-1 Ross County Morton 0-2 Dunfermline Raith Rovers 0-1 Queen of South Scottish Second Division Ayr 3-1 Airdrie Utd East Fife 3-1 Alloa Forfar 2-1 Peterhead Livingston 1-1 Dumbarton Stenhousemuir 1-3 Brechin Scottish Third Division Albion 1-0 Stranraer Annan Athletic 3-0 Arbroath Clyde 0-2 Queen’s Park Elgin 3-2 Berwick Montrose 3-0 East Stirling Scot-Ads Highland Football League Buckie Thistle 2-0 Turriff United Forres Mechanics 2-2 Huntly Fort William 0-3 Keith Fraserburgh 2-2 Nairn County Inverurie Locos 4-0 Clachnacuddin Strathspey Thistle 0-4 Cove Rangers Wick Academy 1-3 Deveronvale -------------------------------------------------Thursday, 28 April Uefa Europa League Benfi ca 2-1 Brag FC Porto 5-1 Villarreal -------------------------------------------------Wednesday, 27 April Uefa Champions League Real Madrid 0-2 Barcelona Barclays Premier League Fulham 3-0 Bolton -------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 26 April Uefa Champions League Schalke 04 0-2 Man Utd Barclays Premier League Stoke 3-0 Wolverhampton Scottish First Division Queen of South 0-1 Ross County Scottish Third Division Elgin 0-1 Clyde ---------------------------------------------------------Monday, 25 April Barclays Premier League Blackburn 0-1 Man City Npower Championship Barnsley 2-2 Doncaster Bristol City 2-3 Nott’m Forest Burnley 1-1 Portsmouth Crystal Palace 1-0 Leeds Leicester 4-2 Watford Middlesbrough 2-1 Coventry Norwich 3-2 Derby Preston 0-1 Cardiff (Preston are relegated) QPR 1-1 Hull Reading 2-3 Sheffi eld Ut Scunthorpe 1-2 Millwall Swansea 4-1 Ipswich
FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’ s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.pr emierleague.com for all the latest r esults and standings. T able below was up to date at time of going to press.
Prizes
(in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $500 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
# TEAM MANAGER GW
TOT
1 alovelycupoftea James Horrocks 44
2016
2 Stop, Hammertime! Paul Steadman 54 3 Dizzying Heights FC Siva Iyer 63
1955
4 every week you dan magee 44
1924
5 Alan’s Deep Bath jason kerley 54 6 TippytappyFC Richie Egan 33 7 Alcohol Fc Ron f 53
1964
1898 1868
1845
8 ur ma’s athletic brian o gorman 47
1806
9 The Roosters Steven Cairns 54
1802
10 Holy-family ‘B’ team Pat Mustard 33 11 Arsenal Brian Harvey 67
1783
1783
12 Mukin Fagic Luke Gately 36
1768
13 Insert Name Here Utd Richard Gadsby 25
1762
14 bobby dazzlerz tom mcelwain 28
1757
15 Rootin & Tootin Oisin Coveney 54
1752
16 Dinamo Kraken Tom Hopkins 41 17 Tallulah Neil Weaver 49
1748
1745
18 fi sty cuffs fc Marc Roche 39
1738
19 Evertonian John Armitage 29
1737
20 Ozzies Allstars *** James Osborne 44
1729
New Entry Ranking Increased Ranking stayed Ranking Fell the same
75
WORLD SPORT THREE LIONS
A RICKY ROAD
CRICKET: Following their baff ing set of results at this year’s World Cup, England have appointed Alastair Cook (right) as their new One-Day captain with Andrew Strauss stepping down.
AFL: It’s off cial. Dirty old man Ricky Nixon def nitely had sex with the 17-year-old nutjob who went around stealing nude photos of AFL players.
And although England are pretty good at Twenty20, Paul Collingwood has also stood down to make way for Stuart Broad – because Collingwood has suddenly turned shit.
And when we say ‘it’s off cial’ we mean ‘it’s likely’ according to leaked off cial reports into the whole sordid business.
It is the f rst time that a nation’s Test, ODI and Twenty20 teams will be led by different captains but England team director Andy Flower gave the idea his wholehearted support in a conf denceboosting riposte to critics of the system.
Nixon, pictured, had denied banging the deranged loon but reports say Victoria Police forensic experts had conf rmed a video showing a man in his underpants in the teenager’s hotel room was authentic.
“We don’t know 100 per cent whether it will work and be the most eff cient system but we’re going to give it a try,” he pussyfooted.
TAKING A CIP RUGBY UNION: Travelling pantsman Danny Cipriani has been told to grow up by Royal-chasing pantsman Will Carling (right) after yet again bollocksing up his career. The 23-year-old was supposed to be starting afresh Down Under with the Melbourne Rebels, but after several weeks of indifferent form he was f nally dumped out of the side last week after breaking team rules by going boozing after a game. It comes just a few weeks after he was f ned by the Rebels for allegedly grabbing a bottle of vodka at a nightclub. “I was certainly no angel and I made many mistakes, both as a man and as a player,” said Carling while wanking over a picture of Lady Di.
ANDY’S BACK TENNIS: After his recent stutter, British No.1 Andy Murray has f nally hit his usual form. The Tartan twat was battered by Brazilian no-mark Thomaz Bellucci in the third round of the Madrid Masters after struggling to get past Gilles Simon in round two. “I’ve got to look more at the week as a whole,” Murray straw-grabbed. “I was coming back from an injury that wasn’t serious but an elbow injury isn’t easy for tennis players.”
76
The Galbally document also reports that, while Saint Kilda captain Nick Riewoldt, a client of Nixon, believed the teenager was “psychotic”, he would “punch his [Nixon’s] lights out” if reports about their relationship were true. An AFL player resorting to physical violence to solve a dispute? Good heavens.
IN THE DOCH “The sad thing with Danny is that he is an incredibly talented player but doesn’t seem to understand the dynamics of playing in a team sport.” Of course, Cipriaini is still young and it’s possible he may redeem his reputation. BBM will certainly wipe the slate clean if he sells a sex tape of Kelly Brooke to fund his alcoholism. Come on Danny – we believe in you!
FORMULA ONE: Megalomaniac Rupert Murdoch’s bid to take over Formula One has been dismissed as posturing by Eddie Jordan. We’re sure Murdoch’s crying like a baby now that the BBC pundit’s had his say. Jordan says teams would want longterm income assurances if the sport was taken off free-to air TV, which the European Union currently guarantees. “Until that happens I feel this is just a little bit of posturing,” he said, perhaps not realizing he’d fucked up any chance of a media career if Murdoch’s bid is successful.
BAD BEHAVIOUR BADMINTON: The Badminton World Federation has landed itself in a sexism shitstorm after introducing a new rule forcing female players to wear skirts. We’re with the ladies on this one - we’d love to see them whip those skirts off.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
THATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UNBELIEVABLE! with ace pundit Chris Kamara A professional Kazakhstan footballer has been banned for life following a kung-fu f y-kick assault on an opponent. Armand Masimzhanov, who plays for Kairat Almaty, gave new meaning to the term â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;two-footed lungeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; after pulling off the mother of all f y kicks straight into the shoulder blades of a Lokomotiv Astana player in a second-division game. A scuff e broke out when a Kairat player committed a poor foul, and as players squared up Masimzhanov lauched himself studsup at the oblivious Radmir Muksinov who was sent sprawling to the ground. Unbelievable Jeff!
BLATTERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TECHNICAL SUPPORT AFTER years of claiming he was right and every football fan, manager and player in the world was wrong, FIFAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s evil Sith lord, Sepp Blatter has f nally taken steps to introduce goal-line technology. Blatter made halfhearted promises to look into it following the furore over Frank Lampardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;goal-that-wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;tâ&#x20AC;? at last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World Cup. And heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s moved swiftly, declaring that footballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world governing will hold a testing programme in mid-2012 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; two years after his initial comments. Despite the delay, the move has been broadly welcomed by fans. By total coincidence, Blatter is currently campaigning for FIFAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next presidential elections. Aging ice giant Eidur Gudjohnsen is â&#x20AC;&#x153;very closeâ&#x20AC;? to signing for
Fulham next season, according to Mark Hughes. Expect plenty of sarcastic clapping, eye-rolling and outlandish conspiracy theories galore in the Champions League f nal after Alex Ferguson admitted he had been taking advice from Jose Mourinho on how to beat Barcelona. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I speak to him [Mourinho] quite a lot,â&#x20AC;? said Ferguson. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve watched them [Barca] many times this season. But the experience Real Madrid have from Joseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s angle, you always take information from him like that because he is very helpful in that way.â&#x20AC;? In a week where we f nally discovered where Osama bin
Laden has been hiding all these years, another evil dictator has ended one of sportâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest mysteries. Ken Bates drew a line under the Leedsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ownership saga by buying out offshore taxhaven company Forward Sports Fund for an undisclosed fee to become the new/old chairman at Elland Road. On a completely unrelated subject, todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sports question is: technically, can a man buy out a mysterious tax-exempt company he, according to rumours, controlled anyway just because some MPs start sniff ng around and asking awkward questions in Parliament? The dithering old farts at the FA have delayed their verdict on the QPR thirdparty ownership case with a verdict now expected after the weekend.
Book a 2 hour Bondi Surf Experience and bring a friend for FREE *Deal is valid for the Bondi Surf Experience $89 lesson; Free lesson must be used at the same time as the purchased lesson. Lesson must be taken by the end of 31st May 2011. Participants must be 12 years or older.
78
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
FEATURE
WE’VE BIN LADEN WITH A BIG GAME MUCH like Osama bin Laden, Man United looked pretty much uncatchable a month ago. But this weekend Carlo Ancelotti’s team of blue-clad Navy Seals will chinook their way into a secret fortress in the Pennines thought to be the lair of evil mastermind Sir Alex bin Ferguson, where they intend to give the Premier League title race a much-needed shot in the eye. This weekend’s clash between Chelsea and Man Utd is huge. It’s huger than if bin Laden had been assassinated while trying to grope Pippa Middleton’s arse at the
Royal Wedding. For much like Pippa’s pair of sweet peaches, it’s squeaky-bum time, and while we certainly wouldn’t want to be anywhere near Sir Alex Ferguson’s anus whatever the situation, his gastric ring of f re must be particularly loose right about now having just been shafted by 11 Arsenal players last week. “It gives Chelsea a major chance
now - and that’s what happens when you get these decisions,” moaned Ferguson, who thought United should have had a penalty in last week’s 1-0 defeat at the Emirates. “But in terms of ability and a game at Old Trafford [against Chelsea] - the supporters will be ready for it - and so will our players.” The odds are still against Chelsea. For starters, anything
other than victory will effectively hand the title over to Sir Alex’s men. Also, Chelsea still don’t have Ray Wilkins – who as we all know from media reports earlier in the season, has masterminded every major Blues victory of the last 20 years. At least it’s livened up an otherwise boring title f ght… although that’s conveniently ignoring the fact that it’s basically a Chelsea v Man Utd two-horse race again for the f fth time in six seasons. Still it could be worse. It could be the SPL. - RG
...TOP FIVE TIGHTEST ENDS TO A SEASON... LIVERPOOL 0 ARSENAL 2, 1989
DEPORTIVO 0 VALENCIA 0, 1994
Best. Climax. Ever. Arsenal went to Anf eld on the f nal day of the season needing to win by two goals to leapfrog Liverpool at the top of the table and take the title. Alan Smith put the Gunners ahead but deep into injurytime, it looked like Arsenal would fall short. Cue Michael Thomas (right) who suddenly found himself clean through before blasting the ball past the keeper. We’re not Arsenal fans here at BBM, but even we came in our pants when that one went in.
RANGERS 6 DUNFERMLINE 1, 2003 It couldn’t have been any tighter heading into the f nal game of the 2003 SPL season. Rangers and Celtic kicked off the f nal day level both on points and on goal difference. Rangers were ahead only on goals scored but with half an hour to go Celtic were in the driving seat, leading 3-0 at Kilmarnock. However, Rangers scored three times in 25 minutes to beat Dunfermline 6-1 with the Bhoys eventually falling two goals short despite a 4-0 victory at Kilmarnock.
WEST HAM 1 MAN UTD 1, 1995 There can be no doubt that, in terms of positioning and anticipation, Andy Cole (right) was one of the best strikers of his generation. Unfortunately he couldn’t hit a fucking barndoor. Cole showed the best and worst of his game to United fans in this f nal day match that United had to win to take the title. A mixture of brilliant positioning and God-awful f nishing effectively handed Blackburn the trophy, with Cole wasting a hatful of clear chances. 80
Worst. Anticlimax. Ever. Who among us hasn’t dreamt of taking an injury-time penalty to win the league? Well that dream became a reality for Miroslav Djukic, whose Deportivo side had to beat Valencia on the f nal day of the season to pip Barcelona to the title. Just when it looked like Valencia would deny them, Deportivo won an injury-time penalty. With regular taker Donato off the pitch and Bebeto bottling it, Djukic stepped up to take his shot at glory and club immortality… but tamely hit the spot-kick straight to the keeper who saved it easily. Oh dear.
DUNDEE 2 HEARTS 0, 1986 Hearts hadn’t won the league since 1960 but needed only a draw at Dens Park to end their title drought. Even defeat would see the Edinburgh team crowned champions as long as there wasn’t a f ve-goal swing to nearest challengers Celtic. With seven minutes to go, the title was still heading to Tynecastle before a late double handed Hearts defeat – while Celtic thumped St Mirren 5-1 at Love Street to claim the crown.
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SPORT GUIDE Contents PAGE 80 Football Feature: Have you jihad enough excitement yet?
80
PAGE 78 Football News: Blatterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s techno track. PAGE 76 World News: Will too many Cooks spoil the captaincy? PAGES 74 & 75 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables.
76
82
78
BBM-607 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
C U R A T E D
B Y
S T E P H E N PAV L OV I C
O N LY A U S T R A L I A N S H O W ! F R I 3 & S AT 4 J U N E
BAT FOR LASHES “A L B U M S T H AT S H I N E L I K E J E W E L S A M I D T H E G R E Y P E B B L E S OF CONTEMPORARY INDIE MUSIC.” THE GUARDIAN
CONCERT HALL , 9PM, TICKETS FROM $59* *T R A N S AC T I O N F E E O F $ 5 - $ 8 . 5 0 A P P L I E S TO A L L B O O K I N G S ,
TICKETS & FULL VIVID LIVE LINE-UP
92 50 7 7 7 7 SYD N E YO PE R AH O US E .COM/ VIVI D LIVE
PARTNER:
MEDIA PARTNERS:
SPECIAL MEDIA SUPPORTER: