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DECEMBER HIGHLIGHTS Stereosonic Festival
Stereosonic is Australia’s fastest growing festival. Staged in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth and Adelaide this year headliners include Annie Mac, Carl Cox, Afrojak and Claude Vonstroke. When: SYD Sat 26th Nov – PER Sun 27th Nov – MEL Sat 3rd Dec – ADL Sat 3rd Dec – BNE Sun 4th Dec Where: SYD Showgrounds – PER Claremont Showground – MEL Showgrounds – ADL Bonython Park – BNE RNA Showgrounds Price: $145.95 More Info: www.stereosonic.com.au
Aparrat Live
Berlin’s DJ Aparrat plays Sydney and Melbourne venues as a side show to his performance at this year’s Subsonic Music Festival and to promote new album, The Devil’s Walk. When: SYD Thur 1st Dec, 8pm - 12 MEL Fri 2nd Dec, 8pm - 12 Where: SYD The Standard, Darlinghurst MEL HiFi Bar, Melbourne Price: SYD $35 MEL $39 More info: www.residentadvisor.net
Subsonic Music Festival
Subsonic Music Festival returns for another weekend of exceptional electronic, roots and soulful music. Apparant, Tiki Taane (Shapeshifter) and Chali 2na (Jurrasic 5) headline. When: Fri 2nd – Sat 4th Dec Where: Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort, Sydney Price: $150 More Info: www.subsonicmusic.com.au
Seasons of Change Graffiti Exhibition
New regular event held on the first Friday of every third month (coinciding with the change of season) which showcases new and established graffiti artists both local and international. When: Fri 2nd Dec, 6 – 9pm Where: Revolver Upstairs, Melbourne Price: TBA More Info: www.facebook.com/seasonsofchange
Homebake Music, Film & Arts Festival
Following a break in 2010 Homebake returns with a fine selection of music, film and laughs. Acts include Grinderman, Architecture Helsinki, Lady Hawke and Pnau. When: Sat 3rd Dec Where: The Domain, Sydney Price: $102 More Info: www.homebake.com
Salt-N-Pepa 2011 Australian Tour
Multi award winning New York legends Salt-N-Pepa play Melbourne’s Palais Theatre as part of their countrywide tour. With support from Australia’s got talent winner Timomatic. When: Sat 3rd Dec, 8 – 11pm Where: The Palais Theatre, Melbourne Price: $97 More Info: www.palaistheatre.net.au
Bring Me Sunshine
Secret roof-top summer party brought to you courtesy of CO-OP, Monkey Tennis and Get Milk or Die DJs. Disco licks and deep House kicks. When: Sat 3rd Dec, 3pm – 9pm Where: TBA, Sydney Price: $35 - $40 More Info: www.residentadvisor.net
Kitty Flanagan, Chris Redburn and Guests
Top Australian comedienne Kitty Flanagan plays her only gig at Sydney’s Happy Ending’s Comedy Club alongside the multi award winning Chris Redburn. When: Sat 3rd Dec, 8.30pm Where: Happy Endings Comedy Club, Kings Cross, Sydney Price: $25 More Info: www.happyendingscomedyclub.com.au
DFB 6th Birthday Cruise Feat Gtronic
Hugely successful booze-cruisers DFB present their 6th Birthday Cruise featuring Belgium’s Gtronic playing his only Aussie show of the year. When: Sat 3rd Dec, 11am – 3pm Where: Departing King St Wharf, Sydney Harbour Price: $60 More Info: www.facebook.com/event. php?eid=105413122889853
Booty Booty Booty, X-MASS Everywhere
Booty shakin’, ear poppin’ Xmas party featuring US ‘bounce’ diva Big Freedia fresh from New Orleans and post-punk rapper Juiceboxxx in his first Aussie appearance. When: MEL Wed 7th Dec, 8pm SYD Thur 8th Dec, 9pm Where: MEL The Toff, Melbourne SYD Good God ‘Small Club,’ Chinatown, Sydney Price: MEL: $10 SYD: $15 - $25 More info: www.thetoffintown.com / www. goodgodgoodgod.com
The Public Works Department presents Marcel Fengler
Rock-solid DJ Marcel Fengler, ex-resident at legendary Berlin Club Berghain plays Kindred Studios with support from James Manning, PWD and Sam Bently. When: Fri 9th Dec, 7pm – 1am Where: Kindred Studios, Melbourne Price: $20 More Info: www.moshtix.com.au
4our
Four of Sydney’s top underground female DJ’s including Claire Morgan and Kate Doherty gather to provide a feast of flavoursome house and techno at a secret warehouse party. When: Sat 10th Dec, 10pm – 5am Where: TBA, Sydney Price: $15 More Info: www.residentadvisor.net
CONTENTS
Octave One, Fritz Kalkbrenner and John Roberts Live (MEL)
Big techno and deep house night led by Detroit duo Octave One and Berlin maestro’s Fritz Kalkbrenner and John Roberts. When: Fri 16th Dec, 10pm Where: Billboard The Venue, Melbourne Price: $39 More Info: www.wearenovel.com.au
Golden Cage presents Carl Craig, Octave One and John Roberts (SYD)
Massive second birthday bash for this deep house and techno night featuring legendary Detroit DJ’s Carl Craig and Octave One along with electro innovator John Roberts. When: Sat 17th Dec, 10pm. Where: The Metro Theatre, Sydney Price: $39.80 – $56.60 More info: www.metrotheatre.com.au
Harry James Angus Christmas Show with Simone Page Jones and Miles O’Neil
Singer songwriter Harry James Angus presents at an intimate night of storytelling and carolling. Featuring tracks from his new album Little Stories. When: Sun Dec 18th, 7.30pm Where: The Toff, Melbourne Price: $25 - $30 More Info: www.thetoffintown.com
The Gin Club Christmas Show
The Gin Club throw a traditional Christmas party with support from Howl at the Moon, Dirt Farmer and Weened. The band will be celebrating the release of their live album. When: Thur 22nd Dec, 7.30pm Where: The Northcote Social Club, Northcote, Melbourne Price: $18 - $22 More Info: www.northcotesocialclub.com
Breakfest
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GUIDE TO NEW YEARS EVE/DAY GET SOCIAL • COMPETITIONS CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE GOSSIP FUNNY NEWS MUSIC NEWS INTERVIEWS SPORTS NEWS TRAVEL - GO SURFING TRAVEL - GO SOUTH ACCOMMODATION AUSTRALIA CRYSTAL BALLS & JOKES ADULT CLASSIFIEDS EMPLOYMENT/VISAS/TAX SPORTS NEWS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES CLASSIFIEDS EMPLOYMENT • VISAS • TAX
BBM EDITOR IN CHIEF Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com SPORTS & NEWS EDITOR Richard Gadsby richard.gadsby@what-media.com
Chameleon Recordings Presents Vince Watson, Channel X & Egbert
Perth annual beats festival featuring artists across all forms of Breakbeat, Drum ‘n Bass and Hip Hop. The UK’s Stanton Warriors headline. When: Sun 26th Dec Where: Belvoir Amphitheatre and Parklands, Perth Price: $80 More Info: www.inthemix.com.au/whatson/perth/ event/67576/Breakfest_2011
CONTRIBUTORS James Stapleton, David Mahoney, Jeremy Williams, Ella Delancey, Sarah Wilk, Ross Fisher, Robin Lewis, Ash Moore, Fanny Frangipane, Mike Kenna, Rebecca Jones, Alexandra Macleod, Rachel Trickett, William David Wilson, Jamie Skey, Stuart Matson, Harley Sherman, Peter Simpson, Luke Lambert, Alex Cull, Omar Solimon.
The Likes of You present Carl Craig & Aeroplane
One of Australia’s biggest festivals, the Lorne Bay leg has already sold out. Beg, borrow or steal to see Beirut, Arctic Monkeys, Metronomy and Scratch Perverts among MANY more. When: 28th Dec – 1st Jan Where: Lorne Bay (VIC) and Marion Bay (TAS) Price: $216 More Info: www.fallsfestival.com.au
The Falls Festival
WEB DEVELOPMENT Luke Webber & Jess Comber
Exciting Melbourne techno outfit Chameleon throw their first Sydney party at The Greenwood Hotel. The Bastards, Jamie Lloyd and Trinity feature alongside headliners Vince Watson, Channel X and Egbert. When: Sun 11th Dec, 12 noon – 11pm Where: The Greenwood Hotel, North Sydney Price: $30 - $40 More Info: www.chameleonrecordings.com
Grammy nominated composer and DJ Carl Craig plays a set of visionary electro supported by experimental one-man band Aeroplane. When: Friday 16th December, 10pm Where: Roxanne Parlour, Melbourne Price: $30 - $40 More Info: www.roxanneparlour.com.au
Haha presents Tim Sweeny
New York DJ Tim Sweeney, founder of groundbreaking radio station “Beats in Space,” plays Sydney supported by Long John Saliva (Future Classic) and D&D (aka Dean Dixon & Dave Fernandes). When: Fri 16th Dec, 10pm – 5am Where: Marrickville Recreation Centre, Sydney Price: $20 - $30 More Info: www.hahaindustries.com
Scratch Perverts feat Tony Vegas and Prime Cuts
OAF Touring present Tony Vegas and Prime Cuts of Scratch Perverts direct from the UK for what promises to be a Hip Hop, Funk, Beats, Dubstep & UK garage party spectacular. When: Fri 30th Dec, 8pm Where: Oxford Art Factory, Darlinghurst, Sydney Price: $18.50 More info: www.oxfordartfactory.com
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New Years Eve 2011 Highlights
Harbour Party 2011
By Stuart Matson
Spice Afloat
Frankie Knuckles & Jamie Principle
Following on from the success of previous events featuring Joris Voorn / Edwin Oosterwal / Butch / Vincenzo / Trus’me.
Could this be the best house party ever thrown at the best house on the planet? You know what, it could well be. Curated by the boys from You Only Live Once (YOLO), The Sydney Opera House will come to life for one night only with the men who defined House music.
New Years Day 2012 Highlights
The only sunrise cruise in the country is back for its 7th consecutive year! Spice Afloat is proud to present the 1st cruise for 2012 with The Revenge (UK) / Motor City (DE) / Drum Ensemple / Murat Kilik & More! Watch the 1st sunrise of the year on the world’s most beautiful harbour; it simply does not get any better!
As well as the legendary and Grammy award winning Frankie Knuckles and his special guest, Jamie Principle on live vocals, the line up will include UK superstar DJ Riton and local house maestro’s Beni and Dangerous Dan.
This New Years Eve why not head to down the heart of the party and guarantee yourself front line tickets for one of the biggest fireworks shows in the World. Luna Park Sydney will be playing host to Harbour Party with an all local lineup with Wynter Gordon, The Potbeleez, Zoe Badwi, Yolanda Be Cool, Ajax, Beni and More.
When: New Years Eve Where: Sydney Opera House Price: All inclusive tickets: $695 via the Sydney Opera House Box Office.
When: New Years Eve Where: Luna Park Sydney 2 Olympic Drive, Milsons Point, NSW, 2061 Price: 2nd release $119
Mission to Launch 2011
Sydney Resolution Concert Series NYE 2011
The Space team are opening the series with “Space Pres Kehakuma” on New Years Day 2012. Headlined by one of the world’s most highly regarded house and techno stars Seth Troxler, and one of the best remixers and producers around - Rekids label head honcho Radioslave.
As well as music MTL will also have a huge range of international food options to tickle party-goers taste buds and high impact rides for the adrenalin junkies out there.
How would you like to kick start your New Year while watching one of the world’s biggest icons light up while listening to live music from Jamiroqui, Culture Club, Pert Shop Boys, Guy Sebastian, Pseudo Echo and Lyndsey Ollard. Well this year you can. Given it’s one of the pricier events but if you’re going to do it, we say you do it properly!
When: New Years Day 2012 Where: The Greenwood in North Sydney Price: Tickets go on sale on 11/11/11. First release tickets are only $69 and are extremely limited. Book early so you don’t miss out.
When: December 31st Where: Weston Park Price: $130
When: New Years Eve Where: Glebe Island Price: $198 - $750
Field Day
Website: www.sydneyoperahouse.com
Mission To Launch is one of the newest festivals to hit Australia and for the first time ever it is bringing the party to the nation’s capital for an outdoor NYE celebration in Weston Park!
Website: missiontolaunch.com.au
Shore Thing Shore Thing is now an established music event, having quickly become legendary with thousands of people spending their night at the iconic Bondi Beach. With beautiful views and a sea breeze, this is a special place to bring in your New Year.
When: New Years Eve Where: Bondi Beach Pavillion, Sydney Price: Standard ticket $138
The Peats Ridge Sustainable Arts and Music Festival Now in its eighth year, this festival is a family favorite which is nestled in the heart of the gorgeous Glenworth Valley surrounded by trees, river and the Australian wilderness.
Website: www.harbourparty.com
Website: http:// www.sydneyresolution.com
Chinese Laundry - NYE Ensuring your New Years resolutions remain unresolved for 2012, Chinese Laundry are proud to present two separate Garden Parties featuring 6 international artists from four different countries, certifying Chinese Laundry as the number one destination for all of your music, mingling, and most importantly, partying needs. This year Chinese Laundry will be rocking into the New Year with LTJ Bukem (UK, 3 Hour Set), Mightyfools (HOL), The Immigrant, & more!
When: New Years Eve Where: Chinese Laundry, Kings St, Sydney Price: $35 - $50 Website: http://www.chineselaundryclub.com.au
When: New Years Morning Where: A boating Sydney Harbour Price: $85-$100 Website: www.recklessrepublic.com
Space Presents Kehakuma Sydney’s house scene kicks off early in 2012 with the return of Space Ibiza to Australia.
Website: http://spaceibizafestival.com.au
Field Day is all change in 2012, with the event no longer resembling the Fingerlickin’ love-in of its 2002 debut. Instead Sydney’s favourite festival is following Parklife down the melting pot path - upping the live acts and programming the day as a musical pick n’ mix. With the infamous Fuzzy Breaks stage, renamed Buzzy Freaks in 2008, now operating a non-genre-specific music policy, expect a mish-mash of fun to open the New Year in the heart of Sydney.
When: New Years Day 2012 Where: The Domain in Sydney Price: Standard ticket $135+$7=$142 or Expensive Ticket (with benefits inc. access to exclusive cocktail bar) $230+$7=£237. Website: http://www.fielddaynyd.com.au
High Flyers Little Secret
Hed Kandi NYE at Cruise Bar
Over the years the festival has been a gold mine for new and high quality music and with the likes of Angus & Julia Stone, Cloud Control and Temper Trap on this years lineup, that tradition doesn’t look to have changed. Don’t forget to pack your fancy dress for the massive Fancy Dress Masquerade on New Years Eve – you wouldn’t want to look out of place now would you.
When: Thursday 29 Dec 2011 – Sunday 01 Jan 2012 Where: Glenworth Valley Peats Ridge Price: General Public Adult: $334.60. Website: www.peatsridgefestival.com.au
Summadayze
After the success of last year’s NYD’s Warehouse event at Sun Studios, the DigDeep team are bringing it back for NYD 2012.
Featuring some of the world’s most sought after artists and sounds; Summadayze is guaranteed to be one of the bigger and brighter festivals this New Year.
Expect over five areas of quality House, live Funk & Soul, old school HipHop and Nu Disco plus a UK act that has been on top of their game for over a decade – Crazy P.
With tons of high profile live acts including Snoop, Moby, Calvin Harris and Pendulum this is definitely one for the serious music lovers out there.
Where/When: December 31st - Rymill Park, Adelaide January 1st -Sydney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne January 3rd - Sir James Mitchell Park, Perth Price: $151 Website: www.futureentertainment.com.au/summadayze
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This year Hed Kandi will once again be taking over Cruise Bar Sydney for NYE. With 7 bars split over 3 levels and floor to ceiling windows it will be a New Year’s Eve filled with glitz and glamour.
If you want to get ya groove on at something a little more intimate than one of Sydney’s bigger festivals this NYD, then High Flyers Little Secret could be just the ticket.
When: New Years Eve Where: Cruise Bar, Circular Quay West, Sydney Price: $89 - $220
When: New Years Day 2012 - 3pm – 1am Where: Sun Studio – 42 Maddox Street, Alexandria Price: First Release $59.00+BF Second Release $69.00+BF Final Release $79.00+BF.
website: www.cruisebar.com.au
Website: www.digdeeppromotions.com
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NYE bars & clubs Bunga Palooza Carnival The good people at Sydney’s exclusive Bungalow 8 are promising that their Bunga Palooza NYE carnival (NO affiliation with Silvio Berlusconi) is going to be an all out crazy wild party where revelers will party like there’s no tomorrow. Billed as ‘Coney Island meets Full Moon Party,’ this promises to be one of the biggest and best parties of the year. When: 31st December 2011 Where: Bungalow 8, 3 Lime Street, Darling Harbour Price: Tickets from $50.00J Website: www.Bungalow8Sydney.com
Jackson’s NYE Fiesta From 6 pm to 6 am, enjoy 12 hours of partying with Jackson’s on George. The iconic bar will transform its 4 floors and 5 bars turning up the heat with DJ Michael Stewart, DJ Simon Laing plus Guest DJs on the decks with House, RnB & Electro. Headline Acts: DJ Michael Stewart & DJ Simon Laing supported by: Guest DJs VIP Ticket Includes: drinks ALL NIGHT + complimentary canapes 6-8pm + pass-outs to Circular Quay fireworks. When: 31st December 2011 Where: Jacksons on George, 176 George Street Price: $55 or $130 drinks included all night. Website: http://www.jacksonsongeorge.com.au
The Argyle Rocks Sonny Fodera, Phil Hudson, Random Soul, Elly K and LaVida will be setting the main bar on fire with Yogi and Husky presenting Takin it Back in Reibey and the girls jumping in for some fun too! When: Saturday, 31 December 2011 Where: The Argyle, 18 Argyle Street, The Rocks Price: $50 per person first release and $60 per person second release. Make sure you book yourself a booth for $100! Website: www.theargylerocks.com
NYE ft. LTJ Bukem (UK) & Mightyfools (HOL) at Chinese Laundry In an event more explosive than the harbour’s fireworks display, Chinese Laundry will countdown to 2012 with five different dancing areas, four different music genres, three hour set with DnB legend—LTJ Bukem, two time Laundry favourites—Mightyfools, and one badass Boss Bass crew in the cave. Line up includes: LTJ Bukem (UK, Good Looking Records), Mighty Fools (HOL), Linken & Vertigo, Andrew Wowk, Jeff Drake, A-Tonez, What So Not, Buenos Diaz, Pop The Hatch, Autoclaws, Hydraulix, Bruxism, Struz, Spenda C, Reload, Athson, King Lee, Sushi, Joe Barrs, Peking Duk, Kombat When: 31st December Where: Chinese Laundry, cnr King & Sussex street , under slip inn Price: First Release - $35 +booking fee, Second Release - $50 +booking fee Website: www.facebook.com/theno1club
Melbourne No Frills 2 NYE After its success in 2009/2010 The Lucky Coq will be running ‘No Frills 2 NYE’ with less frills and even more thrills! Plus with free table tennis and free pool tables all day and night, free BBQ dinner and free entry your wallet is safe. A mixed bag of tunes provided by Matt Radovich, Dj Who, Moonshine and Mr George will ensure all music tastes are catered for. When: New Years Eve - 12pm till 3am Where: Lucky Coq, 179 Chapel St, Windsor Price: FREE Website: www.luckycoq.com.au/events/5/no_frills_nye_
Burlesque Ball New Year’s Eve Party Tease and tantalize at P. J. O’Briens Burlesque Ball New Years Eve Party. Includes a cocktail on arrival, finger food throughout the night. Live band ‘Sexual Chocolate’ will be performing, and prizes and give aways for the best dressed. When: Saturday 31 December 2011, 7pm until late Where: P.J. O’Briens, Ground Floor, Southgate Arts & Lesiure Precinct, Southbank Price: $30 Cover Charge (on the door) Website: www.pjobriens.com.au
Bimbo Deluxe NYD BBQ Bang Now in its 5th year, Bimbo Deluxe’s famous New Years Day spectacular is set to be the biggest yet in 2012. Boasting the who’s who of the Melbourne electronic scene, the party starts at midday and doesn’t wrap up until they say so! Rooftop party - 12pm. Agent 86, Spacey Space, Katie Drover, Moonshine plus more to be added! Dance Floor junkies - 6pm. Adam Askew, Tigerfunk, Freya plus special guests “Jamie Stevens and Steve Ward present STEVE STEVENS”! When: 1st January 2012 Where: Bimbo Deluxe, Corner Brunswick Street & Rose Street Fitzroy Website: www.bimbodeluxe.com.au
NYE at The Espy Ring in the New Year with The Espy’s huge line up, including, Jebediah, Paul Dempsey, Big Scary, Stonefield, Violent Soho, Split Seconds, Barbarion, Money for Rope, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, Numbers Radio, Jackson Firebird, Kingswood, Royston Vasie and Fangs. When: 31st December 2011 Where: The Esplanade Hotel, 11 The Esplanade, St. Kilda Price: $59 plus booking fee Website: www.espy.com.au
Golden New Years Eve Party Join the Turf Bar for their Golden New Years Eve Party. Bring on your Bling, DJs on the decks from 9pm playing all the golden classics, $4 sparkling from 9pm till midnight and 2 for 1 cocktails 8 till 10pm. When: 31st December Where: The Turf Bar Price: No cover charge. Website: www.turfbar.com.au
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GET SOCIAL Festival Fashion Summer: the time for sea, sand and festivals. With all the best festivals kicking off across the whole of Australia, we certainly hope you’ve started giving your festival outfits some thought. Knowing how style savvy our readers are, we know it’s important to you lot to make sure you look cool whilst you’re knee deep in beer and licking the person next to you’s face, simultaneously listening to some world class DJing. Check out the looks below which caught our eye this year and maybe take some inspiration for your very own festival fashion. Jess - We love the printed jumpsuit - it’s easy to throw on
and automatically stands out in the crowd. Also loving the mustard fannypack - retro yet fun. Do allow yourself plenty of time to get to the loo though with onesies!
Claire - A simple, yet effective look. The black dress with
a baggy denim shirt is a key look for festival goers. The headband and vintage-esque sunglasses top off the look well.
Jen - This crazy floral print top looks great paired with
Dan - We love the shoulder patches on the jumper, along with the patterned beanie. The jumper stands out, whilst the beige chinos are a must have for any summer. John - A slightly smarter look, but we fell for the emerald coloured trousers. Paired with a light - washed denim shirt, this look is not only easy to throw on, but totally effective. Mark - We love the shorts with patterned detailing put together with the black vest. Throwing an unbuttoned shirt on top gives the effect of being completely effortlessly cool. Pete - If you fancy being slightly more rock star then this is the look for you. We love the contrast of the patterned scarf and t-shirt with the rolled up sleeves of the leather jacket.
Tom - This is a key look for guys at festivals. The shorts, the tee, the denim shirt and of course, the necessary pair of Ray-Bans and espadrilles. There really isn’t anything to fault with this look. We may love these outfits but our top tips to get the looks are: Headbands/Trilby hats - They look cool and can also disguise greasy and dirty hair.
Shorts with a tucked in t-shirt - Simple look that
denim shorts. It’s vibrancy stands out and reminds us of Woodstock, the ultimate festival. This statement top does the talking, without being too over the top.
goes a long way.
Fiona - We love this chunky vintage knit with Aztec
Ban’s to complete you look.
Sunglasses - Pick a pair of aviators or classic Ray
pattern. The t-shirt tucked into denim shorts works well as casual wear but the cardigan puts the outfit together well.
Sun lotion and water - Goes without saying!
Amy - This is a simple look that goes a long way. The
Across body bags – you want to keep those hands in
leotard tucked into skirt is effortless, but the leather jacket gives the rocker edge. We love the brown trilby, which could also be worn after a few days partying to disguise unwanted greasy hair.
Competitions
the air, like you just don’t care!
There you have it, you are now kitted out and fashionably ready to rock out this festival season! We wish all our BBM-ers a great time! By David Mahoney
Check out what we’ve got on offer this month. For your chance of winning any of the following, send us an email or post on our facebook wall which event you would like to go to, and why you should be the lucky bugger to go! Keep an eye on the BBM facebook wall for more competitions and offers coming up through out December. www.facebook.com/BBMMagazine competitions@what-media.com 1 x Double Pass for Guineafowl at The East Brunswick Club, Melbourne 4 x VIP Tickets to Sunburnt Christmas on Bondi Beach. 1 x Mambo watch – could be a good Christmas present.
Jess
Claire
Win a double pass for you and a mate for any night at Happy Endings Comedy Club, Kings Cross.
Jen
Trentemoller’s new single is up for grabs. 2 x Double passes for Bungapaloza at Bungalow 8, Darling Harbour.
The party doesn’t end on New Year’s Eve! Sydney’s hottest house family, SHE, welcomes 2012 in style with the master of all things disco and funk, Joey Negro, at the stunning Ivy Pool on Monday 2nd January! It’s been two years since the chart-topping producer Joey Negro graced our shores and we’re welcoming back with open arms this music chameleon who has produced hits such as “Must Be Music”, “Can’t Get High Without You” and “American Dream” under the guises Jakatta, Raven Maize, or his most famous moniker, Joey Negro. Catch one of iDJ Magazine’s 50 most influential people of dance music at one of Australia’s mostcelebrated & unique party locations, the exclusive Ivy Pool. Fancy winning a double pass to this amazing pool party to spend your New Years Eve in luxurious style? Send us a Festive themed joke or post it on our facebook wall. May the funniest joke win!
Fiona
Amy
To WIN SCAN this QR code with your smart phone to visit our facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/BBMMagazine
Dan
Email entries should be sent to competitions@what-media.com
John
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Mark
Pete
Tom
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Timmy Trumpet
Christmas on Bondi Beach – where better? That’s exactly what the good people at Sunburnt think and why they will be there staging their biggest Christmas party yet!
It’s fair to say you sound like you’re pretty busy most of the time, what have you been up to this week?
Sunburnt 2011 is set to be pretty damn epic. Over 3000 Christmas festival goers are expected at the world’s most famous beach hosted by Rock Entertainment & Mi5, who have years of experience running this amazing party.
I did Gold Coast, Brisbane and Newcastle yesterday. Today I’m in Sydney and Byron Bay and we haven’t hit the weekend yet, which is going to be much busier.
The introduction of Propaganda Stage brings the Global Indie Night to the festival scene of Australia while The Sollarium main stage will play host to acts like Timmy Trumpet and Bombs Away.
Your skill set as a DJ is pretty unique, what was it that made you decide to combine trumpet playing with DJing?
Over 18 international & local artists will be playing Sunburnt including Helena, Johnny B, Felipe, Shipwreck, The Postman, Urby, Ping Pong Tiddly, Chappers and many, many more. And you don’t just get awesome music at Sunburnt – oh no, there’s a whole host of other shenanigans to get involved in! This year there’s Miss Christmas Bikini 2011 and Wet T-Shirt competitions, heaps of competitions and giveaways plus and all day Aussie BBQ the price of which is included in your ticket! There are also drink specials between 12pm & 3pm to keep you in the festive spirit. Plus, if star treatment is your festival style then there’s always the exclusive Bondi VIP Balcony. Overlooking the beach, the VIP balcony guarantees priority bar frontage plus priority toilet area and a number of drink specials. General admission to Sunburnt is crazy cheap at $49 + $5 booking fee for a pre-paid ticket or $69 on the door - both include entry, lunch and $4 basic drinks between 1 – 3pm. A VIP ticket will set you back $69 + $5 booking fee for a pre-paid ticket. There is no door price for VIP and limited availability so if you want the special touch, you better get in quick! You can get your Sunburnt tickets from sunburntchristmas.com.au, moshtix. com or tickettek.com but don’t drag your feet – you’ll be very, very sorry. See www.sunburntchristmas.com.au for more details.
The Postman - Propaganda
Sorry bit of an obvious question here, but The Postman, was this inspired by Postman Pat, Patt? Was he a childhood hero? My first name is Post and my surname is Man. ‘Patt’ is actually the nickname... My parents have a unique sense of humour.
Now down to business, are you looking forward to playing at Sunburnt this year? Absolutely! It’ll be my first time on Bondi Beach, first time in Sydney, first time in bloody Australia! I’m going to be like a kid in a candy store - is it warm yeah? Yes Post it is.
How would you be spending Christmas Day if you weren’t playing on the Propaganda stage at Sunburnt this year? Cussing at the TV, playing with my blind dog and drinking my weight in gravy.
What’s your perfect Christmas Day? Spend the entire 24 hours drinking Jack Daniels and ginger beer on the moon with Kurt Cobain.
There wasn’t much money in the jazz scene so I tried something different and it worked. There are plenty of sax and bongo players doing something similar so I’m not the first to do it, but I don’t know of any other solo DJ / Trumpet combined acts here in Australia.
Do you play any other instruments? Your performances are noted as quite unconventional and you like to interact with the crowd, why not just stay behind the decks like a good little DJ? I’m a loud and passionate person, therefore my sets are also loud and passionate. If I’m at a festival and see a band I haven’t heard of or I’m not really into their style of music but they’re crawling all over the stage and having the time of their lives - I can’t help but smile and get into it. Hence why I hate The Strokes live. There, I said it. It’s not unheard of for me to jump into the audience and have a dance myself. I like to party. I also like being the party.
Piano, which has really helped on the production side of things. Its one thing to be a DJ, but you have to produce these days to get anywhere.
Are you looking forward to playing at Sunburnt this Christmas? Couldn’t think of a better place to celebrate Christmas than Bondi Beach.
Who are you looking forward to seeing? The Bombs Away boys are great performers and killing it on the production circuit. We’re actually working on a collaboration at the moment.
Who are you listening to at the moment?
What would you be doing if you weren’t working on Christmas Day?
Bon Iver - Bon Iver and Bombay Bicycle Club - A Different Kind Of Fix both get equal amounts of repeats daily at the moment. Hooked isn’t the word!
Spending it at home, wishing I was at Sunburnt Festival.
What’s going to be the biggest tune you’re going to drop at Sunburnt? Well that would be telling! That’s like asking David Blaine... Actually he’s a bell-end, don’t worry.
Who are you looking forward to seeing at Sunburnt? Honestly? The ladies. All of them.
What’s the craziest, random or worst thing that’s ever happened during one of your sets? One of the first festivals I ever played with Propaganda was ‘NASS’ in the UK. We had our own little indoor arena and it was jammed all night. I drank enough Jack to kill a horse, climbed a 30-foot roof railing into the middle of the crowd and dropped myself just as the tune dropped. I somehow didn’t injure myself, but made a handful of people below me well and truly shit themselves.
What are your plans for New Years Eve/Day? Entertaining or partying? I’m DJing back in the UK for New Years Eve in my hometown of Bristol, although I am slightly gutted as I hear you lads know how to throw a good party! New Years Day will consist of cooking a fry up, eating a fry up and vomiting a fry up. New Years Resolution will be to take up skipping professionally. I love you. x
Do you see it as work, or would you rather be performing? Its never work if you love what you do. The traveling can get exhausting but the music makes it worthwhile every time.
You’ve played along some greats such as Armin van Buuren, Carl Cox, Fatboy Slim, which was your favourite? Pacha Ibiza with Eric Morillo was pretty amazing, but I’ve got to say the most lethal combo is with local DJ’s ‘The Stafford Brothers.’ Playing alongside them for the Future Music Festival National Tour was something I’ll never forget. There’s nothing like playing in front of your home crowd.
Where’s the best place your career has taken you? Ibiza and Miami are my favourites for partying. I love the cultural clash of the Dominican Republic and South Korea though too.
Who’s inspiring you at the moment? Swedish House Mafia just sold out Madison Square. That’s pretty inspiring for DJs if you ask me.
Who are you listening to at the moment? I never stop listening so it’s hard to narrow it down. Everything from Trentemoller to Miles Davis.
What’s a typical day in the life of Timmy Trumpet? Race to the Airport. Find out plane is delayed. Spend waiting time answering questions to interviews like this.
What are your plans for 2012? Making the move to LA with the Stafford Brothers to film Season 3. The house music scene is really starting to grow in the US so hopefully we can crack that market also.
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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY
By Sarah Wilk
Best Rooftop Bars in Sydney Sydney houses many bars within it, but who wants to be inside when it’s a nice day? If you’re a fan of getting your tan on whilst you enjoy a bevvy or two then check out our top picks of roof top bars around Sydney.
1. Hart’s Pub
is a pub pub, not a trendy wine bar, a real pub. It’s reminiscent of a solid traditional country pub in England, good ale, nice menu and to top it off, a roof top to relax on a sunny day. With large wooden tables and sun umbrellas, you need never leave this place. Corner of Essex and Gloucester Street, Sydney, 2000 www.hartspub.com.au
2.
Shore Club
is a unique 3 floored bar in Manly. At the very top is the ‘The Moet and Chandon Lounge which has an elegantly decorated luxury sundeck. Whether it’s day or night, you can’t beat their beachfront views of Steyne Beach. 36-38 South Steyne, Manly Beach, 2095 www.shoreclub.com.au
3.
Zeta Bar
is an overly opulent bar nestled into the Hilton in the heart of the city. Its sleekly designed and if corporate attire and cocktails are your thing, I recommend drinking one on their rooftop bar. Level 4, 488 George Street, Sydney, 2000 www.zetabar.com.au
4. Zanzibar is one of the well known hotspots in Newtown.
Shopping Streets Whatever type of shopper you are, Sydney’s streets have something for everyone. If you don’t mind the hustle and bustle and want the best of both High Street and Designer then head into Central Sydney. That’s where the most in-demand shops and malls can be found along Pitt Street and George Street. Hidden amongst the sea of modern-day retail are the little gems that have been there long before you and I were born such as The Strand Arcade, that was originally built in 1892 and has an array of shops within its ornate Victorian building. More of a browser and like to have a wander - but aren’t necessarily looking for anything in particular then Oxford Street is perfect for you. It begins in the CBD and carries on up through Darlinghurst and Paddington. Along the way there is everything you could dream of from kitsch nik-naks and vintage fashion to bondage-wear and bookshops. Wanting more of a glacial meander and prefer a relaxed stroll around an Aussie market then head to The Rocks Market. Located in historical surroundings, The Rocks Market oozes charm and character. It boasts an array of stalls including antiques, clothing, art, food and souvenirs. The Weekend Market is 10am – 5pm, Saturday and Sunday and is open come rain or shine and The Foodies Market is 10am – 4pm every Friday. Making it a worthwhile visit. For those of you heading down to the harbour, there is nowhere better than Darling Harbour. Any grumpy partners that are reluctant to shop can be plonked on a bench over looking the harbour whilst you shop in peace and quiet.
It’s luckily positioned to get full view of the sunset every day. If the weather isn’t looking too pretty then you can go down to lounge in both the Main Bar and the Cocktail bar. 323 King Street, Newtown, 2042 www.zanzibarnewtown.com.au
If you’re a bargain hunter at heart then head straight to Paddy’s Market. It’s a huge indoor market that has been around for years. It houses pretty much everything, you name it they have it. On the weekend it can be a bit of a squish but it’s worth it to haggle for a bargain. It is open Wednesday to Saturday and is just off Thomas Street in the southern end of the city in Haymarket.
5.
For designer lovers be sure to pop into Westfield and the surrounding areas such as King, Elizabeth and Castlereagh streets and around Martin Place. There you’ll get your Gucci, Chanel, Prada and any other high-end fix you can think of. And if you can’t afford it, don’t worry just go windowshopping and try it all on for size.
The Glenmore Hotel
is an iconic and historic pub, in The Rocks. Its large rooftop garden has a view that money can’t buy, seeing over the beautiful Sydney Harbour, Harbour Bridge and Opera House. 96 Cumberland Street, Sydney, 2000 www.glenmorerooftophotel.com.au
Happy Shopping!
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CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE Art Bars
Roof Top Bars
LOOP Bar Melbourne is a diverse multi-purpose venue located on
Though Melbourne may not have the same amount of sunshine of the East Coast, it boasts more than a few roof top bars. Perhaps the mostcelebrated is found atop the multi-facted Curtin House. The Rooftop Bar is always abuzz and with cheap drinks it is the perfect starting point to a night out somewhere else within Curtin House (we highly recommend you check out what is on at The Toff!).
Meyers Place. Far from being a stuffy, pretentious art bar, LOOP is a bar that opens its doors to the arts, regardless of size, shape and style. Just a brief glance at their programme of events and you will note that the eclectic mix incudes everything from club nights to portrait exhibtions. LOOP Bar in many ways epitomises the open art scene that dominates Melbourne. With a real ‘anything goes’ attitude, LOOP will never dissapoint.
The Tin Pot Cafe in North Fitzroy is seen to be a real artists’ hang out. Known as The artists area, North Fitzroy is trendy and cool but without any presumptions. It is here that you can really do as you wish and not raise a single eyebrow.
Not far from Curtin House are both the super stylish but far from pretentious Emerald Peacock and trendy foodie haven Match Bar. Both offer spectacular views with a slightly less pop in for five ethos. If you are headed in the Brunswick Street direction, Bimbo Deluxe is without any hesitation the roof top highlight of Fitzroy. With good food and good drink on offer, Bimbo Deluxe plays host to a variety of well-known DJs without ever pricing the public out. Check who/what is on offer before heading along.
The Tin Pot Café changes its exhibition every three weeks, and while it is worth popping along to see the latest display, you may find yourself distracted doing a little bit of Melbourne arts scene spotting. Everyone who is anyone heads to The Tin Pot. Fitzroy’s Section 8 is far from your stereotypical bar. It is a beer garden without an
attached pub, while also doubling as a bar in a box. It is so distinct that you will not stumble across anything similar as you trawl through the numerous laneways that Melbourne has on offer. As the home of Melbourne’s Secret Art Wars, Section 8 brings together artists of all disciplines and pits them against each other in a weekly battle. While the winner only gains notoriety, the battle is a raucous affair that involved the audience from the very outset.
Quirky Cocktail Bars
South Melbourne’s Butterfly Club Art Bar is without any doubt Melbourne’s most intimate destination. Set in an old Victorian shop, the Butterfly Club is both camp, kitsch but oozes a strange air of class. It is not to be missed.
Madame Brussels is without any doubt the prime spot in the CBD to sup on a good cocktail or two. Located near the corner of Bourke and Exhibition, Madame Brussels boasts both a grass carpeted interior and chic outdoor drinking space with a view. Throw in well-dressed bar staff, a relaxed ambience and tempting but not overpriced cocktails and you are easily onto a winner.
Sports Bars Located on the corner of Bourke and Exhibition, The Elephant & Wheelbarrow Pub is a British Pub that feels far from a replica. With all the necessary elements of a typical British Pub – it really is a home away from home for a Brit in Oz. Even the grub is flawless. As with any good British pub, the English Premier League is central to the weekly calendar. We suggest you head down for a good old pint with some fish and chips to chant for your team. For those staying in St Kilda, The Elephant and Wheelbarrow has a second base on Fitzroy Street. Equally reminiscent of home is the Charles Dickens, which is slightly more centrally located on the corner of Collins and Elizabeth With free wifi, good grub and a relaxed atmosphere, the Charles Dickens offers an intimate take on the English pub with good cheer.
GOSSIP
Though Madame Brussels may be the epitome of quirkily cool cocktail bars that Melbourne has to offer, it has its fair share of close competitors. For those seeking something a little comfier, Bar None is a brilliant alternative, while Marrakech Cocktail Bar is a little more secluded. For those looking a little further from the centre, Chapel Street has a few alternatives, Mothers Milks, which is found at the Windsor End, is an intimate but popular venue. Be sure to get along early as this place is packed every night of the week. If you are fan of Apple Strudel – we have the perfect recommendation. Head along to Borsch, Vodka & Tears and treat yourself to some sensational Polish essen and round you meal off with their Apple Strudel cocktail. Beats any dessert every time!
- The Rumour Mill
BBM’s celebrity predictions for 2012 Seeing as it’s coming up to the end of 2011, we thought we’d use our creative prowess mixed with all of 2011’s findings and predict what 2012 will hold for celeb land.
Katie Price will become the new face of countdown. Stevie Wonder will release his new line of glasses for Specsavers Justin Bieber will launch rival to the internet
Now for the sweeping scare stories that will be hitting the newstands nationwide…
And lastly it will emerge that Fanny Craddock is in fact a recipe, not a person.
Rihanna will do a Britney and end up in rehab for sex addiction and
substance abuse, and will start resembling Whitney Houston circa the crack den years. All the signs are there people! She’s reportedly turning up to gigs blind drunk, and she makes no secret about her love of la coque.
Lindsay Lohan will most likely die, due to substance abuse/drowning
in a muff. However she might just hang on one more year and wait to be part of the 27 club.
Adam Rickitt will have a huge comeback and re-release ‘I Breath Again’ then marry Jordan as is textbook behaviour after an unwarranted blast of fame.
Durex are pulling out of the condom market (so to speak) to solely concentrate on femidoms.
Jennifer Lopez will date Martin Scorsese, due to her weird taste in men.
An illness of our time: Ipod Ear will affect 1 in 3 people in 2013 .
Nicholas Cage will take up cage fighting. We don’t need to back this one up – it says it on the tin!
Ipad finger – goes hand in hand with Ipod ear.
Goldy Hawn is going to remake Private Benjamin, because if Bruce and
Sly can do it, why can’t she?
Carly Simon is going to re-record ‘You’re so vain’ for Simon Cowell. Catherine Zeta Jones will be modeling for Florence and Fred at Tesco. Elton John will participate in Strictly Come Dancing, and rumours are
Spray tan gives you cancer. London Olympics 2012 cancelled due to not selling enough tickets. The bible belt of America to outlaw texting. Iceland to outlaw volcanoes. Greece to pay off debt by reintroducing vomitariums.
rife that Stephen Hawkin is a shoe in to win.
Pyramids a popular funeral choice.
Alan Carr will be playing James Herriet in a remake of ‘All Creatures Great and Small.’
Nurseries to go on strike on weekends.
Fern Cotton will become the new Royal Correspondent. Jenson Button will slip rohypnol into Lewis Hamilton’s drink and lock
him in a dungeon somewhere in the Pennines in his quest for Formula One domination.
There will be a British spring, it’s a bit like the Arab spring, but with drizzle. A no fly zone will be enforced over the Channel Tunnel. Horoscopes cause brain tumors. Marks and Spencers divorce.
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FUNNY NEWS Getting bogged down while flying low If there were a danger that your plane was going down, probably the best place to be would be locked in the toilet. Unfortunately for a pilot on a flight to New York, the reason his flight was at risk of going down was because he was locked in the toilet. After popping to the bog for a quick crap as the plane was about to land, the pilot accidentally got locked in when the latch on the door jammed. Unaware of what was actually happening, the co-pilot reported the captain missing over the radio, sparking a full-blown terror alert. Thankfully, the trapped pilot managed to get the attention of one of the passengers, explained the situation and gave him the password for the cockpit. Unfortunately, the passenger had a thick foreign accent, which only made the co-pilot even more concerned that some sort of terrorist attack was taking place.
The foul mouths of the babes The language kids use nowadays eh? It’s all ‘eff this’ and ‘eff that’ or ‘I’m gonna eff you up mother effer’. It’s awful. Why don’t they just say fuck like normal people? Thank the Lord on high for the good people at Toys R Us in the States, who have taken a firm stance on helping our kids use more expressive expletives. Unfortunately, a few ungrateful buggers don’t seem to share their view and the store has received several complaints about a new ‘talking’ baby doll they’ve been selling to unsuspecting parents and their children.
Postman splat There are some pretty dangerous occupations out there. Whether you’re a trawlerman, an oilrig worker, or Naomi Campbell’s PA – you’re taking your life in your own hands on a daily basis. Well now you can add Belgian postman to the list of world’s deadliest jobs after it was discovered that the electric bikes they use to get around are prone to exploding. “Last week, we had one battery on one bicycle, smoke came out and the postman immediately stopped and he took away the battery and it exploded,” said a spokesman for bpost. It follows a fire in another Belgian post office where batteries were being recharged overnight, although it is still unclear if a battery caused the fire. All sounds a bit sinister to us. Where’s Poirot when you need him?
During an audio recording, the co-pilot can be heard saying: “The captain has disappeared in the back and I have someone with a thick foreign accent trying to access the cockpit right now and I have got to deal with the situation. Someone with a thick foreign accent is giving me a password to access the cockpit, and I’m not about to let him in.” It got so bad that fighter jets were nearly scrambled to shadow the commuter plane carrying 18 passengers from Asheville, North Carolina, in case of a security emergency. After the captain managed to free himself, the plane landed safely with the aircraft met by officials from the FBI and the Port Authority. It is not known if the pilot could have just ‘kept it in’.
When pressed in the stomach, the baby babbles something that sounds suspiciously like, “Hey crazy bitch!” Concerned parents aren’t happy but, to be fair, if someone pushed us in the stomach we’d probably call them a crazy bitch as well. “Return the dolls and boycott Toys R Us,” wrote Sue from Tulsa, Oklahoma, on the company’s website. “I’m outraged,” wrote a grandmother from Idaho on the site. “The people of Toys R Us are a shower of foul-mouthed bastards and I’ll personally make them eat my shit,” added Esther Rantzen. Toys R Us have a different take on the situation. They basically say their customers are liars. “Of course we would never sell a doll that uses profanity of any kind,” said spokeswoman Jennifer Albano. “As with many talking baby dolls what you are hearing is baby babble.” As excuses go, it’s up there with blaming the dog for that shitty smell in the air. Or, as in BBM’s recent court case, claiming that the jizz was already in Cheryl Cole’s underwear draw before we broke into her house
Falling into bed
Hardly a flying success
Anyone who’s seen our sister website www.eroticvegetables.co.uk, will know that we’re very much into our kinky sex acts here at BBM Towers. And after being infected with more cases of crabs than we care to remember, you don’t have to remind us of the virtues of safe sex.
Ever seen the film Brewster’s Millions? Basically, Richard Pryor has to lose millions of dollars by making bad investments in order to inherit a billion dollars from his dead uncle. It probably sounded like a good idea on paper but, unfortunately, it was utter shit and painful to watch.
But even we, in all our depraved sensual glory can’t compete with a British married couple that hit the headlines while on holiday in Tenerife recently.
We bring it up because we can only assume the marketing people at Qantas have taken their inspiration from the film, such is their determination to drive the company’s reputation into the ground with bad idea after bad idea.
We won’t go into detail, but by the end of it she was dangling naked, upside down from a balcony with a broken ankle and had to be given a police escort to hospital. Now that’s being freaky. The couple were shagging seven shades of shit out of each other on a hotel stairwell when he, ahem, was rather too enthusiastic with his loving and accidentally shoved her over the top. Amazingly, she was lucky she only broke her ankle – because it stopped her from falling to the marble floor several feet below. A police spokesman said: “Her good luck was that getting her leg caught stopped her from falling. Her bad luck was that she broke her ankle, was naked and couldn’t get free. It isn’t a police matter so she isn’t on any charges but we warned her and her husband to think about safe sex in the future. Had her leg not been trapped between the banisters, the consequences could have been much more serious.” And just to rub salt into the sexy wound, the fire crew who came to rescue her couldn’t get their siren to work – so they had to call the police to take her to the doctor. Unfortunately, police would not reveal the name of the couple involved – which means if you see a girl with a limp in the next few weeks she’s potentially a real freak in the bedroom.
So hot on the heels of controversially grounding their fleet in October - a drastic move that stranded thousands of still-angry customers - comes a Twitter competition inviting people to describe their “dream luxury in-flight experience.” The prize for being the biggest suck-up to Qantas is a pair of Qantas first-class pyjamas and a toiletries kit. Woop-de-doo.
Wiping the slate clean A group of Florida scam artists are in the shit after conning elderly idiots into buying 70 years worth of toilet paper by telling them the government had brought in new laws on what you should be wiping your ass with. Mary Moore, Joseph Nouerand and Christopher Lincoln all admitted to fleecing OAPs by convincing them that their septic tanks would be ruined unless they bought their specially formulated rolls. Throw in a Labrador puppy and it sounds suspiciously like an Andrex advert. Those who bought the product were placed on an “idiot list” for follow-up sales, which included soap, detergent formulas and – the big money spinner – new parts for septic tanks. They also claimed their company was the only one licensed by the Environmental Protection Agency to sell a $199 “Septic Remedy” that would eliminate septic sludge. If only there was a similar device for the television – we’d never hear from Jedward again.
Somewhat predictably, the competition did little more than give hundreds of irate customers still pissed off about the October shenanigans a chance to take the piss. So Twitter user “ChanArmstrong”, for example, said his idea of a luxury flight from Qantas was “more than 3mins notice that the whole airline is on strike,” while another user, describing themselves as “thesuspecto,” said “choose Singapore Air luxury instead.” Daniel Angus said Qantas luxury, to him, meant “being stranded on the other side of the world without warning when you just want to get home to your 10-month-old daughter.” Amazingly, it’s still not the worst PR idea they’ve had this year. In August, they asked rugby fans to pose as their favourite player. Inevitably, culturally sensitive Australians used it as an excuse to ‘black-up’ and put afro-wigs on claiming they were Radike Samo. So what next for Qantas? Expect an online Christmas competition asking people to explain what they don’t like about Jewish people.
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MUSIC NEWS Artist Profiles Aphex Twin
The experimental, ambient techno and electronica of the groundbreaking Aphex Twin has long defied easy categorisation. Primarily the work of one man- the somewhat eccentric, Irish born, Richard D. James - the music of Aphex Twin has earned mountains of praise from critics and peers alike, with The Guardian hailing James as the “most inventive and influential figure in contemporary electronic music” and the likes of Thom Yorke coming forward to pay tribute to his singular vision.
Pendulum
Australia’s UK based drum ‘n’ bass collective Pendulum have been one of the most popular acts in their genre since the early 21st century. Formed in Perth in 2002, the group’s early single ‘Vault’ became a sensation in the D&B community back in 2003, finding its way onto various compilation CDs including the Ministry of Sound. Singles, ‘Spiral’ and ‘Another Planet’ followed soon after and then in 2005 Pendulum released their full-length debut album, ‘Hold Your Colour.’ They then scored a top 20 UK hit with their remix of The Prodigy’s ‘Voodoo People’ before joining Warner music and releasing the albums ‘In Silico’ and last year’s ‘Immersion.’ The band has also built up a reputation as a formidable live act, with a 2011 Glastonbury appearance attracting positive reviews. See the boys bring in the New Year at the Shore Thing Festival on Bondi Beach.
Released in the early to mid 1990s, albums such as the two Selected Ambient Works volumes and Richard D. James Album broke new ground in electronic music, and Yorke famously cited Aphex Twin as a major influence on his band Radiohead’s year 2000 masterwork Kid A. Much like Radiohead, Aphex Twin has never rested on its laurels, musically speaking. The chilled out ambience of his early works was swiftly abandoned for the demonic drum ‘n’ bass of the aforementioned Richard D. James Album. There have been more stylistic turns besides. Indeed, Aphex Twin is just one of many pseudonyms that James has created his music under.
Patrick Wolf - Together
The uncontrollably quirky Patrick Wolf brings forth new single ‘Together’ - a unique slice of heartfelt folk with a techno-electro twist, taken from his recently released album ‘Lupercalia.’ The South London based singer-songwriter is known for blending a myriad of styles ranging from classical to the truly bizarre. On ‘Together,’ this has somewhat been throttled back on a track that has one high-top firmly in the anthemic 80s. A solid fan favourite at his sell-out live shows, ‘Together’ is a story of two lovers reuniting in the dark rainy days of December. Surreptitiously ornate in its orchestration, ‘Together’ is a grower with hurried harpsichord flicks signalling the arrival of a pulsating synth beat that rises to the songs reassuringly repetitious chorus. Thrashing the last of the 80s revival for all its worth, it’s the sort of track that could have perfectly accompanied the Flight of the Navigator or as a theme to any other Spielberg inspired family classic. It’s for that very reason that the song has a certain charm that entices the listener to look further into the unconventional world of Patrick Wolf. Whilst not as instant as tracks such as ‘The City’ and ‘Bermondsey Street’, it is a respectful addition to what is a truly standout album.
Despite not having released a long player since 2001’s impenetrable Drukqs, James will once again be playing under the guise of Aphex Twin at the upcoming Summadayze Festival 2012.
Garry Todd
Sunderland born Garry Todd has made quite a name for himself on the International DJ circuit. The wild bearded Mackem has spent much of the last six years in search of the never-ending summer, taking in Australia, Ibiza and his home country of England each year, DJing, promoting and partying. Not a bad life you might say! Buried underneath his trademark California hat and beard, the talented vinyl addict has become a key figure in the Australian underground club scene, with his now legendary Bread&Butter parties widely credited with reviving a Sydney club scene that had gone stale.
Metronomy
Indie electro outfit Metronomy emerged at the turn of the century, predating Nu-Rave; the NME-championed sub-genre that celebrated 1980s rave aesthetics. In 2005, the Totnes-based four-piece released their debut ‘Pip Paine (Pay the £5000 You Owe)’, cementing them as one of the main exponents of the genre. On the strength of its squelchy disco jams, the album piqued the interest of fans and critics alike, but it wasn’t until the release of 2008’s ‘Nights Out’ that Metronomy really tasted commercial success. The album’s nostalgic 1980s throb garnered them widespread critical acclaim, with the NME voting it sixth best album of the year. But then Nu-Rave fell of a cliff, so to speak, and as quick as you can say ‘glow stick,’ its popularity plummeted. Suddenly, bands like The Klaxons, CSS and Does It Offend You, Yeah? became notably un-cool. However, in true innovative form, Joseph Mount, Metronomy’s main man, went away and resculpted both their line up and sound. Released in April this year, ‘The English Riveria’ is the band’s greatest achievement to date. Not only did the album reach number 17 in the UK charts, it was Mercury-award nominated as well. Don’t miss their fresh, summer-tinged sound at Field Days.
Todd’s open-minded, diverse and original events attracted club-goers and underground DJs alike, with the likes of Mattias Tanzmann and Joris Voorn travelling to Oz to take part. Todd himself is a much in demand DJ, regularly headlining parties and festivals Down Under such as the Playground Weekender and Space festival, as well as holding down a residency at Space Ibiza in 2010. To boot, Todd is also making a name for himself as an exciting producer, with his first tracks surfacing on Australia’s Beef Records and Leeds’ 20:20 Vision label. The funked up early ‘90s house of his early single ‘Dice Me Up’ received widespread plaudits from industry critics, artists and club goers alike. His first solo EP followed shortly, and Todd’s ‘No Giggity’ track has become an instant hit with dance music enthusiasts, with DJ Magazine heralding the record as “an undoubtedly massive tune.” With his retrospective but exciting take on house music and raving, expect to see and hear more from Garry Todd in the near future. You can catch Garry Todd at the upcoming Space Ibiza Festival.
Single reviews
Fatboy Slim
Since the mid-nineties Norman Cook has pioneered the big-beat genre under the psedynoym Fatboy Slim.
Comparisons have already been made to the legendary Talking Heads, and though this seems grossly unfair on the band so early in their career, there is a building consensus that Theme Park could be one to keep an eye on in the next few years.
Friends – I’m His Girl
Samantha Urbani of Friends, super-hip Brooklynites fresh on the scene, is certainly self-assured. She delivers the first line of ‘I’m His Girl’ with a cattiness that would make the surliest of street prowlers’ heads turn: “When you see me walking around with him/I’m not just another chick/I’m his girl.” On the face of it, it reads like handbags at ten paces. But listen again. This is no jealous wag at other women attempting to poach her man. Instead, it’s more from-one-chick-to-another relationship advice on how to make romance work: “I’m the one he loves and trusts/He goes out on the town/I don’t get jealous/It’s all about affection/Not possession with us.” Urbani, with a delicious pout, comes across the older, wiser and more sexually in tune schoolgirl sharing her experiences with her younger, more naïve peers. It’s all set to a Lykke Li-at-the-disco throb, with its horny, slapand-tickle bass line, pounding floor toms and vigorous bell ringing. This’ll definitely make hipster indie kids jizz their load.
Duologue - Push It
He later united dub, reggae and breakbeat with Beats International, mustered up some chilled-out trip-hop with Freak Power and joined forces with his producer friends to release the 1995 House album, Pizzamania.
‘Push It,’ the second track on their new EP, ‘A-B’, encapsulates the quintet’s appreciation for honest acoustic music as well as their love affair with the obscurer regions of electronica. With a violin and piano used in combination with loop pedals and analogue synths, the multilayered track manages to bridge the gap between DJs such as Aphex Twin and Thom Yorke and the staples of indie rock such as Radiohead and Foals.
So by the time he announced himself as the Fatboy Slim we know and love today, Norman was already an established musician and producer. He has since gone on to give us countless dance-floor classics including ‘Everybody Needs a 303’, ‘The Rockefella Skank’ and ‘Praise You’. And seemingly discontent with his own musical catalogue, Cook has also been responsible for some of the catchiest remixes around including those for Beastie Boys, A Tribe Called Quest and Cornershop.
An undisputed musical heavyweight, Fatboy Slim will be kicking off 2012 with a highly anticipated performance at the upcoming Summadayze Festival.
The track itself successfully combines danceable club beats with appealing synths and guitar and then adds in an anthemic chorus, making it a potential hit in top 40 charts worldwide.
The founding members of the London-based five-piece Duologue, originally met in Edinburgh playing in an eight-member folk band. But after realising a mutual passion for electronic music, Toby Leeming and Tim Digby-Bell decided to take their folksy stock elsewhere and tweak it with some digital wizardry. The result of this collaboration is the bracing sound of an exciting new band embarking on what will surely be a long and prosperous future.
Yet Norman Quentin Cook was gracing our airwaves for over a decade before that; finding success with a number of bands, collaborations and solo projects. He first crept onto our radars as the cheeky-chappy in the English 80s pop group The House Martins, in which he played bass.
In 2008 he setup The Brighton Port Authority, which has seen him collaborate with David Byrne, Dizzie Rascal and Iggy Pop.
Theme Park - ‘Wax’
Relative newcomers Theme Park have been making some waves in the music industry. Their early releases found favour with the likes of Zane Lowe and their latest effort,‘Wax.’ has continued the buzz around the London four-piece.
Twin Sister – Kimmi In A Rice Field
An indisputable highlight of Twin Sister’s debut LP ‘In Heaven,’ ‘Kimmi in a Rice Field’ exists in a sonic space all of its own - as if placed in the centre of a Venn diagram bordered by shoegaze, chillwave and trip-hop.
Rich in texture and vocal harmonies the song has been branded as Duologue’s take on straight-up indie, but those dance influences still simmer underneath with a supple electronic beat and delay pedals reeling in the drifting echos of lead guitar and vocals. The band sketched out a full-length album six months ago, slowly adding songs to it ever since, and if ‘Push It’ is a hint of what’s to come then we could be hearing a lot more from Duologue in 2012, which would be no bad thing
The song blossoms to life from humble beginnings as processed drums and gently pulsating synths form a calm, spacey atmosphere. Vocalist Andrea Estella’s voice floats perfectly atop the nuanced music below, placing just the right amount of urgency (or lack thereof) to fit the song’s nimbly warping highs and lows. It’s a textbook exercise in dream pop; the ethereal soundscapes created by the band evoking everyone from the Cocteau Twins to Slowdive. Following on from cyclical maneuvering between hushed vocal refrains and wonderfully mellow instrumental breaks. The track eventually sees itself out on a coda of synth arpeggios that add a sense of summary and conclusion. It’s as if the band wanted to end in dramatic shoegaze style but chose to eschew the cacophonous guitar work. Estella begins ‘Kimmi in a Rice Field’ simply saying, “At first the sky was empty.” By the end of the track’s four minutes, it certainly isn’t. Twin Sister has turned the atmosphere into their canvas, filling it with dulcet tones and imbuing it with their own distinctive loveliness.
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In all honesty, you have to admit that the Christmas-music genre has really gone downhill in recent years - to the point where even Justin Bieber has decided to throw his lot in (he’s still getting lego under the tree, isn’t he?). So to have an album given to us that can be described as elegant, is a very nice thing to have.
Album Reviews Gorillaz – Singles Collection 2001-2011 Ten years? Has it really been 10 years? Founding members Damon Albarn and his partner in ink Jamie Hewlett celebrate a decade of the Gorillaz with the release of their ‘Singles collection 2001-2011’.
‘50 Words for Snow’ is a soothing album: it’s full of very simple songs, made up of piano led rhythms and delicate strings, tied together with Bush’s evocative and often nearly spoken, vocals.
Starting life as a satirical swipe at manufactured pop, the Gorillaz confused many in the industry who saw the virtual band as a mere gimmick.
From the opening note on ‘Snowflake’, through the 14 minute epic of ‘Misty’, to the goose-down feel of ‘Among Angels’, you feel that this is not only an album for Christmas, but that you could listen to on any day of the year. It isn’t festive - it’s dusk laying on a snow covered field.
Their stunning 2001 debut saw that perception quickly change as cartoon members ‘2D’. ‘Murdoch,’ ‘Russell’ and ‘Noodles’ became a global phenomenon. Gorillaz pushed both audio and visual boundaries to bold new areas, producing three multi-million selling studio albums, a series of ground breaking live shows and a string of awards.
These are 7 perfectly crafted tracks, which come together in a way very few people could manage. It goes to show why Bush is still considered one of the best song writers there has ever been, despite having toned down some of her eccentricities.
The albums showcased Damon’s ability to intricately and seamlessly weave several music genres and styles into his work. From the instant to the sometimes absurdly experimental, each album was created as somewhat of a musical odyssey. Albarn was keen on a collaboration or two, working with such artists as De la Soul, Dangermouse, Ike Turner, Lou Reed, Mark E Smith, Little Dragon, Kano, Snoop Dogg, Dan The Automator, Mos Def, Shaun Ryder and Neneh Cherry to name but a few.
However, that’s not to say that they don’t exist. On the eponymous track, she has enlisted Stephen Fry to name the 50 words for snow, which is oddly compelling, although it’s a bizarre listen the first time round. On ‘Misty’, she details an ambitious plan to build a snowman, and, while it’s probably not entirely ideal, sleep with him. It’s Bush through and through; as with much of her recent material, she doesn’t ever flitter back to the Wuthering Heights screaming vocally, it’s all very soft, gentle and delicate, and like the crisp winter landscape that she mentions at times, it’s peaceful and perfect.
The Singles collection showcases a decade of their greatest collaborations, allowing their music to be viewed in a different light. Being cynical, this collection isn’t needed - but as with most collections, it’s a welcome addition, taking away the more experimental additions to each album only stands to showcase what a truly stand out collection of singles the band have released. Starting with the trip-hop stylings of ‘Tomorrow Comes Today,’ the 15 tracks take us chronologically through the animated primates single releases. From the dark hip-hop stylings of ‘Clint Eastwood’ and ‘Rock The House,’ to the legendary ‘D.A.R.E’ and the infectious ‘Feel Good Inc.’, through to the more recent unique styling of the Bobby Womack led ‘Stylo’ and ‘On Melancholy Hill.’ The album offers an ideal entry for new fans and a must have for collectors alike. One can only hope that Damon and co. dust the Gorillaz off for another album soon as it would be a tragedy if this was their final work. The Singles collection is available as a 2 disc set, the first covering their single releases, the second showcasing some of the groups award winning videos and live performances. There’s not much else to say. Any band that makes Shaun Ryder sound like a credible vocalist must be championed. You know it, you love it.
Although this is definitely an album you need to listen to from start to finish, each track is a microcosm and works on it’s own - the stand out tracks being ‘Snowflake’, ‘Wild-man’ (the first single) and ‘Among Angels’.
Kate Bush – ’50 Words fro Snow’ Kate Bush presents us with ‘50 Words for Snow,’ an alternative album for the holidays. After 6 years without any musical output from the unique Kate Bush, we have now had 2 albums in 6 months. With some people, this might seem excessive, but with Bush it’s welcome. Following on from the summer’s release ‘Director’s Cut’, ‘50 Words for Snow’ is Bush’s 2nd attempt at a Christmas offering (1980’s ‘December will be Magic Again,’ being her first as you’re asking) and her first full ‘wintry-themed’ album.
Thank you for saving Christmas music, Kate.
Kuhn- Slime Beach EP Fans of US dubstep producer Bennett Kuhn will likely delight in his latest EP, entitled Slime Beach. The experimental set of nine songs, including several remixes of the title track and ‘Back ‘n’ Forth.’ features elastic beats, weird electronic flourishes and futurist hip-hop that will please fans. It would also make a fitting soundtrack to the next rave or party. But casual fans of electronic music and dubstep might want to avoid this like the plague. The atmospheric ‘Island’ and thumping ‘Stoneskipper’ are arguably the highlights of this mini-album. Words by: James Stapleton, Robin Lewis, William David Wilson, Jamie Skey, Stuart Matson & Alex Cull
INTERVIEWS: Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs BBM talks to Orlando Higginbottom, the dinosaur costume clad Oxford lad who is the force behind Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs. After his whirlwind year and meteoric rise on the electronic scene, releasing 5 EP’s this year including, ‘Prehistory’, ‘Trouble’, ‘Household Goods’ and the infectious ‘Garden’ Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs’ 2011 has certainly built anticipation for Higginbottom’s debut album. With the festive season looming, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs will be touring Australia, so you can witness just why we’ve fallen in love with his music in the UK. So what have you been up to today? I’ve been working on my album, a few remixes. So just been in the studio all day. So when’s the album going to come out?
What were your music influences growing up? I started off listening to a lot of classical music. And then I got into the things my brothers and sisters were listening to. Then when I was 12 or 13 I really fell in love with jungle music and rave music, and it kind of went from there. Obviously the single ‘Garden’ had a massive response, and it got picked up for the Nokia ad campaign, how did you feel about that being used. Did you think it exposed your music to wider audience? I was a little bit wary. I wanted to know about that actual advert. I wanted to know how they were going to use it, and also I wanted to know which bit of the track they were going to use. They didn’t use any of the vocals, so I don’t feel it gives the track away. It’s not too revealing, there’s still a lot to get out of that track. I think it was a great opportunity and the advert’s alright.
Early next year!
Do you think you’ll stick to electro for a while – or have you got any plans to play with different genres?
We came to see you last week at XOYO (London) it was really fun! How did you find the night?
I don’t know actually. I’m probably going to be writing electronic music for a long time, but it’s pretty open.
Yeah it was good. It was nice that it sold out. There were a lot of people and that’s always nice, and a really responsive crowd. It’s not my favourite venue in the world by a long way. But yes it was fun.
Waulking’s a really interesting song, what’s the sample you’ve used for that?
Obviously you like to don a dinosaur costume when you’re performing. How do you find it performing in that? Haha easy, it’s not a problem. I wouldn’t want to do it any other way! Where do you get the costumes from? Friends make them for me. I actually made the first one, then I realized I didn’t really have the skills to pull it off.
That is from an old folk record. It’s quite a long story with that one. I couldn’t actually use the sample I wanted to use, so we had to recreate it. My friend brought round some of his mum’s old records so we were listening to them. I was out of the room and I heard this bit of vocal coming from the studio, so I ran back and I was like, “What’s that, what’s that, what’s that?” And then he took the record away, and then weirdly that day I went into Oxfam, and found a copy of exactly the same record, and I just sampled away. Who are you listening to at the moment?
You probably get asked this quite a lot- have you got a special affiliation with dinosaurs?
Erm…what have I just bought? I bought the Drake album, but I doubt it’s any good.
No not really. In fact not at all.
We’re dubious about Drake.
Just a random name then?
Yeah I’m not sure really…I’m not convinced. I just bought Space Dimension Controller’s new album, which is really good. Some Brian Eno I’m listening to – just that kind of thing.
Yup, pretty much just a random name! So you’re from Oxford, what was it like growing up there music-wise? Amazing! It has a really brilliant scene. I think because of the university, people haven’t ever realized how vibrant the Oxford music scene is. It’s always been great in terms of gigs, bands, musicians. It’s been really great, and I’m still here, and I’m not planning on leaving.
So you’re heading out to Australia over the festive season and Field Day on New Years Day. Are you looking forward to it? I’m really excited. I can’t wait. I’ve never been to Australia and it’s going to be a real adventure. So yeah it’s really exciting.
So what would you normally be doing on New Year’s Day if you weren’t performing?
Well it sounds like it’s going really, really well, and we all love your music.
I’d probably be at a party. So I might as well be in Australia!
That’s nice to hear.
What are you going to be doing on New Years Eve?
By Hannah Shakir
We’re playing at another festival in Australia, I think Falls Festival. Have you looked at the line up for Field Day? No I haven’t. Who is playing? Moby, Justice, Crystal Castles… Great! So who are you looking forward to seeing? I’ll be pretty interested to see what Moby does. Crystal Castles are amazing. I haven’t seen Justice live ever, and their doing their whole new show aren’t they? So yes I’m excited about the whole thing. How long are you going to be out in Australia for? 10 days. What else do you think you’ll get up to whilst you’re there? Not much. I’ve got 6 shows in ten days, and lots of flying. So hopefully just some sleeping and some eating. Well you’ll need to try and get down to the beach, ‘cause the weather’s going to be good! Yes. I have got to do that! So what are your plans for 2012? Obviously you’ll be bringing out the album, so will there be more touring? There’s the UK tour. I’ll probably go back to America. Europe as well. So touring, promoting, hopefully not too hectic, as I want to keep writing. But yes, it’s going to be a busy year. Where’s your favourite place you’ve played this year? That’s a good question. Melt Festival in Germany was amazing. The couple of weeks I was in America, I did San Fransisco, and Miami was good fun. So you’ve had an exciting year? Yeah, yeah just a bit!
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DES BISHOP Comedian Des Bishop sits down and talks to BBM about his new personal memoir about his late father entitled ‘My Dad Was Nearly James Bond’, along with his upcoming performances in Australia and quite obviously the good and bad jokes he’s experienced within his career.
How are you feeling ahead of your Australian tour?
What inspired you to start a career in stand-up?
Is there ever anything that you think of and it makes you instantly crack up?
I was an insufferable kid. Once I’d made my family laugh, even reluctantly, I had to find bigger audiences. I fell into organizing events while I was at university and through some kind of weird gradual process moved from being backstage to on stage. So not so much inspiration as inevitability. Who are your favourite comedians, and main inspirations, when performing and writing comedy? Growing up it was The Preachers, Richard Pryor, and I guess Bill Hicks once upon a time, the ones who made you laugh and simultaneously changed the way you thought about stuff. What inspired you to write the book My Dad Was Nearly James Bond? My dad! Really - we’d already worked together on the stage show and it started there but there was a deeper story I wanted to tell that went further back, about dad’s childhood and how his experiences then affected everything that came afterwards. Of course it ended up being about me too. I don’t think you can write a memoir about your dad and not find yourself in there too. In embarrassing family photos if nothing else. There’s this one where a medallion and a turtleneck sweater meet and don’t get on ... I understand your father was a big part of your life, was it a hard experience writing the book? I wrote most of it after he was gone, so yeah, I was writing right through the grief. Still not sure how I did it. Going back through the journals I kept while he was sick was tough. But we wanted to do the show to confront what was happening, to laugh at death and make other people laugh too. We’re all going there sooner or later so we may as well face it, without bowing down to it and the book is another way of doing that. It ended up being quite different to the show. How did you find that balance of sentimentality and humour, whilst writing the show and book? Was that a hard part of the process? Well, that was pretty much how we dealt with the experience as a family, tears and laughter, and long afternoons watching The Wire.
INTERVIEWS:
Nervous. I’ve loads of new material and I’m keen to see how it goes down. I’m also just excited to get back out for a run on the Great Ocean Road.
(We’ve all been in an inappropriate situation before and it’s happened!) My brother Aidan, who’s also a comedian, saying “What’s with Irish ladies?” in a heavy Queens accent. That’s not part of his routine by the way. Have you ever cracked a joke and instantly wished you hadn’t? Or had a bad reaction from someone from doing so? If you’re not pissing some people off at least some of the time you’re probably not saying anything challenging, and that’s one of the joys of being a comedian, using your time up there to mess with the status quo, or received ideas about things. I’ve never regretted any jokes I’ve made on stage, as long as they make people laugh. A bad reaction is when they don’t laugh. The best reaction is the laugh followed by that intake of breath when people’s inner censor kicks in. There’s a joke about a dog in the My Dad show that works just like that! You are doing so many shows in two weeks, how are you going to manage? What’s going to keep you going? The beach! When I can make it there. Otherwise, Red Bull. What are your plans after Australia? Acclimatizing to bad weather again in Ireland before I hit NYC’s winter in December for some final gigs doing the My Dad show. Plans for 2012? To get back to Australia as soon as possible, I’ll be over again in the spring for the festivals. But come see the show now when everything’s new and raw and we can keep things intimate in a tiny room! Quick, tell us a joke about Australia? Aww man, my jokes take forever. We could be here for a while. Come to the show and I promise I’ll find one for you. By David Mahoney
With five DMC turntablism titles and several mix CDs under their belts, the UK’s Scratch Perverts have carved a rather successful career for themselves. Originally comprising of eight members, the crew briefly split in 2000 before reforming with Tony Vegas, Plus One and Prime Cuts. BBM Live caught up with Tony Vegas ahead of their New Year tour in Australia.
There’s three of you in the Scratch Perverts – how do you coordinate your gigs? Is it spontaneous or is there a certain routine you follow?
Good – just been doing interview after interview and smoking a lot of cigarettes, which is probably not the best way to spend my night, but hey!
Because most of it is about playing a club, getting people to dance and giving people a good time, I might play a few records, someone else’ll play a few records, and sometimes we’ll freestyle. I think just having DJ-ed so long together, you just have a feel for it. You can’t pre-plan everything because you might have the best 30 minutes worked out, but if nobody likes where that 30 minutes is going then you’ve got to change that straight away. I think we’ve succeeded by keeping it quite open and quite loose.
So how are things going with the Scratch Perverts now?
How much of a part does scratching play in your sets these days?
Good, we’ve been busy, still enjoying going out and playing music. Everything has the same appeal that it used to, you know? I mean it would take a foolish person to complain about doing this full time, so we feel blessed.
It’s not as obvious as it used to be. It’s always a part of the routine – you do 4 or 5 freestyle parts in a set, and before we come to Australia we’re gonna’ work some really good solid routines out. They’re a part of the set rather than being a sideshow to the set.
So why did you choose DJing as a career in the first place?
You’ve moved between lots of genres over the years. Do you think your versatility has been the key to your success?
Hi Tony – how’s it going?
It wasn’t a choice really, it just kind of happened. I was into the Hip Hop scene since I was a kid. It was very much the youth music of that time, that’s all you did and that’s all you knew. But the DJing side of it was just the one part of it that I got into more than the others. You have the time and privacy to practice at home and you become quite immersed in the idea of trying to get good at something, without anyone out there to criticise you. And from that came the need at one point or another to do a competition and at the end of that we were lucky that there was the opportunity to play clubs and stuff up and down the country and around the world. But at that time you didn’t pre-plan that – just gradually it happens. How did you find the transition from the turntablism scene to playing in nightclubs? For me it felt easy enough as I spent a lot of time in clubs anyway. It was a big part of growing up in this country (the UK), with the late 80s and the kind of rave thing, I was about 16/17 at the time so there was a lot of…discovering new and wonderful things at the time shall we say. So what kind of club nights did you go to when you were younger then? Well the one I remember was Dungeons. This was an 80s thing that Mr. Thing started. That was the first dance music night I remember going to, and I remember going to Ibiza in the same year, and anywhere where the music was really. Then I kind of pulled back from it - I started working in a record store so I was already surrounded by music enough as it was. You met Prime Cuts and Plus One in the record shop you previously worked in. What effect do you think the closure of so many stores has had on the DJ community? I think if you ask somebody half my age it’s had no effect whatsoever. The communities that they’re a part of are the ones that exist online. I quite liked the human side of it really; people used to come in faceto-face and talk about and critique music. Through that I formed some very good friendships that still have to this day. All these people that I’ve met are through record stores. I don’t think I would have established the kind of relationships I got with them having only met them online.
I think so. We’ve been quite lucky that scenes have emerged in the last ten years that have had an audience already. If this music inspires us then we play it in our sets. It’s the timing of the whole thing really, because there was a time when there wasn’t that influx of new music that there is now. It’s easier now to play across the board and flick between genres. Production wise, what are the three of you up to at the moment? Plus One is spending most of his time at the moment doing the Jack Beats thing. That’s going really well and he’s concentrating most of his time on that. I just wanna sit at home and make house music; I enjoy sitting at a computer for 12 hours at a time, making music, whatever feels natural at the time. What’s in your record bag at the moment? Prime Cuts has just started a new record label called Black Gold and anything that he plans to put out on that in the next six months is definitely featuring. There’s this kid called Dismantle who is making a lot of sick music right now. House wise, anything on Dirty Bird I’m into. Drum and Bass wise Ram Records is still killing it, as are Playaz. Finally, any tips for any budding DJs out there? Well the only way to get ahead nowadays is to produce first, release records and then DJ. And when you do get the opportunity on the back of that to DJ, make sure that it’s on point. Play to the crowd and never feel that you’re more important than them. It’s the people that are paying to see you play and you need to entertain them. By Harley Sherman Make sure you log on to www.bbmlive.com to find out Scratch Perverts tour dates.
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Black Diamond Bay Black Diamond Bay founder Jesse O’Mahoney is sat in a coffee shop in Central London pondering his band’s recent good fortune. What had started out as just a musical experiment with close pal Tom Sidebottom has mutated through the years and is currently a five piece Slo Mo House Band (Sidebottom is no longer in the live band, but still produces the group). Having just garnered their first spin on Radio 1, O’Mahoney is aware that everything might suddenly be jumping up to the next level - but he remains modest about their good fortune... Can you tell us a little about how Black Diamond Bay has evolved through the years... Me and Tom were in Leeds about four years ago, where we grew up together. We sat in Tom’s bedroom and wrote an album of songs that was originally intended to be an easy listening album. It was a sort of joke between us and it turned into something quite unexpected. It was kind of a slowed down dance music, using the digital elements of dance music. It has a more classical musicianship from Tom, who is a classically trained violin player and pianist. We were sort of surprised by the collection of songs we had created, so we decided to start playing them live. We soon realised that playing live as two people sat behind a laptop was as boring for the people watching as it was for us. So we decided to put a band together. Tom taught at the music college in Leeds, Leeds College of Music, and so he had ready to access to some of the finest musicians around. So we essentially cherry-picked the best musicians we could find. We looked for people who we got on with, but were also great musicians. As a result they come from very different backgrounds musically, which I think has really helped the band overall. We have got an avant-garde jazz bass player, who is also a heavy metal man. The drummer is heavy into cut-up electro and dubstep. The guitarist comes from a pop Prince and Quincy Jones style background. Tom is classically trained. Agne comes from Lithuania and brings a touch of mysticism and magic with her. I came from a Bob Dylan/Neil Young, singer/songwriter area. That is what I listened to when I was writing stuff. I haven’t quite obtained their dizzy heights. Once we had these musicians in place, we brought them in with the intention of playing what we had written. It took us a while as when we learnt to play those songs, they evolved into something new - an album which we put out last year - but it was not until we got rid of those songs that we really came into our own. We are not trying to emulate something that Tom and I had done; we are doing something that works as the band. There is a lot more collaboration within the band.
How would you define the project in its current state?
I quite like likening us to Rutger Hauer’s character Roy in ‘Blade Runner’ - an android wrestling with human emotions and trying to discover what it is to be human. He is trying to fool Harrison Ford (as Rick Deckard) into letting him live. Our music has always been a coming together of analogue and digital. Our name Black Diamond Bay is a Bob Dylan song about the way human beings create stories as a way of creating pathos. Until you create that story around someone, it is just a name you can’t relate with. Our sound has always been about that battle between the analogue and digital. How we express ourselves in the technical age through computers and guitars. How they sometimes clash and sometimes work. We have that synergy that works, but it is always the battle between the guitarist and bass player. So we are Rutger Hauer. You have just had your Radio 1 debut - how do you feel about the exposure? The exposure is an incredible thing. But it is hard not to be wary of it. These days everyone is very well versed in the world of music and the ebb and flow of support and interest from different people in the industry. We were building up really well this live show, between Leeds and London. We now have people who know our songs and sing them back to us during our show, which is the best thing ever. Then the exposure comes along and in some ways it can derail you slightly, as you get ahead of yourself. But it has been great to be heard and to get the response, but we have to not allow ourselves to think we are now an enormous pop band. What would you say the band’s intentions are? We are actually planning mass intergalactic domination. We are planning an invasion of Saturn next - we have had it with this country. We have used up all the natural resources. There is nothing left to conquer. Agne chose it - she saw it in a poster. We all wanted to go to Mars but she made the decision. But seriously, we didn’t have management or much of a team around us in terms of PR. We didn’t have much of a strategy beyond building our live show. So now we have a lot of that coming together. We are putting out a release early next year and promoting that, just hoping we get an audience. We’d like to use the exposure to get some festival slots next year, as we feel that is somewhere we can be very successful due to our expansive sound. By Jeremy Williams
DAVE CLARKE
Often titled ‘The Baron of Techno’, Dave Clarke is an English born techno producer and DJ. With a brand new Fabric mix CD out now and a recently completed sold out tour of Australia, BBM grabs Dave for a chat about his music and life in general. Brighton is your birth-place and the town you grew up in. Do you feel that it influenced your musical tastes in any way? Only in the fact that Brighton was a fairly open city with regards to musical tastes itself. There was a lot of gay music down there, some high energy disco and there were a lot of people into ska music back in the day - that was very influential. When it came to the hip-hop, a little bit but not so much, but when it came to house, definitely because of the gay influence of airport house music, so in some ways yes. Had I lived in London, it might have been more influential. When creating your new music, what would you say inspires you and how does the process work?
Touring the world doing numerous gigs a year must be great fun, but are there any memorable gigs that stick out? That really depends, some are memorable because I only really played 8 or 12 minutes like in Germany in the 90s because they thought I was going to play trance, but that was a long time ago. Then other gigs are memorable because you put them on yourself, like the outside dance events, you choose all the DJs and you have a really good night. Then you have other gigs that are memorable like New Years Eve when you play 3 different parties on one night, using a private plane. It all depends. For people who may not have heard of you before, how would you describe your sound? Grainy. I never feel comfortable describing my own music. I always find it better when someone else describes my music. It’s like, I don’t know, music and everything is open to interpretation, and to interpret your own art is self defeating really because the whole reason of putting it out there is to show what is. You’ve recently collaborated with Fabric to create Fabric 60. What makes this different? How did you pick the tracks? I’ve not really heard many of the others, more of the other Fabric CD’s have a lot of personality from the people who have done them, so that’s what’s different. What’s coming out now, the music I’ve been sent, the music I’ve been looking for. It’s a snapshot of the scene at the moment. You have your own radio show named ‘White Noise,’ how did that evolve?
It has to be edgy and from the heart, it can’t really be something that’s obvious, and it can’t be something I’ve heard a million times before so I have to be definitely edgy and it definitely has to be made with integrity. I’ve been in the studio recently doing remixes and when I make music, most of the time it starts off by accidents. When I feel like I’ve got enough happy accidents working together, then hopefully I can form it together into something that isn’t an accident.
It’s been going for on and off 10 years, I took a sabbatical for a couple of years. Before it used to be called ‘Technology’ now it’s called ‘White Noise’. It’s the sixth year of ‘White Noise’. I’ve been doing a radio show for 10 years, and it’s going quite well, people from all over the world listen to it and podcasts are really important now. In the old days, it used to be people sitting down with cassettes recording things and then listening to it, and only being able to listen to it where you were in the actual reception area of the transmitter, now you can listen to a radio show anywhere in the world. Podcasts are probably the most important part of ‘White Noise’ and wherever I go people listen to my show, I think it’s important to get the music to the artists.
As a DJ you must have a lot of records, if BBM was to have a look through your collection, what would we find?
Well I DJ’ed before I started to make music, and I actually stopped DJ-ing after the rave scene, so it was then I started making music - when technology was extremely expensive. Then I started to make music and then I started to DJ again and then I went live for a little while actually playing my own music - it was in 2004, which was fun. It’s all natural steps.
Not very much, most of my record collection I sold. I got rid of a large amount, I’ve only got maybe 800-1000 pieces of vinyl left at the very most, so maybe about 10,000 / 20,000 I got rid of. So what you would find in my record collection itself, a lot of old memories from when I was growing up, so a lot of albums when I was growing up in the 80s. I love my old hip-hop but then if you look through my online collection, then it becomes very vast. You have everything from DJ Harvey to absolutely anything.
How do you differentiate between the studio and putting on a live DJ set?
Any emerging talent that you would recommend to us? There’s a guy that I’m working with called Mr. Jones and I think he’s going to go far. What’s in the pipeline for you next? More remixes and then some more production time again. I go abroad every single week. Where’s next for you? Germany and Spain. Just Dj-ing clubs and then I have the Fabric party in December in London. Fabric 60 is available to purchase now. By David Mahoney
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SPORT
FOOTBALL NEWS
Harry puts his heart into title chase
By Richard Gadsby and Peter Simpson
Blink and you’ll miss it
RFU’s bad review
Middlesborough scout Gary Parkinson certainly has an eye for a player – he suffered a stroke last year and can now only communicate by blinking! (Insert uncomfortable silence due to inappropriate joke here). Amazingly Gary was undaunted by his lack of, well, everything and continues to help out the club in the talent spotting stakes with the help of his wife Deborah. Just how you communicate the phrase “he’s a big unit for a young lad” by batting your eyes is a mystery to us. “Tony [Mowbray, Boro boss] and his coaching staff, like Mark Proctor and Stephen Pears, have been fantastic for Gary,” Deborah told the Northern Echo.
After a recent bit of heart of surgery, everybody’s favourite Premier League wheeler-dealer cockney geezer has jumped from his sickbed straight back into the Spurs hotseat. And gor blimey guvnor, old Arry Redknapp is already back to doing what he does best. Spouting bollocks. Possibly still delirious from the anesthetic, Redknapp proudly declared that Spurs are on course to win the league. His reasoning? They’d just beaten a shit Aston Villa side. Hmm, not sure about that one Harry. It was definitely heart surgery, not brain surgery right? “If you keep winning matches and believe in yourself you’ll do it,” said ‘Arry, his jowels a-quiver at the prospect of some silverware to flog from the back of his Prius. “Last season Man United won it because everyone fell over. If we keep up the form we’re in at the moment we’ll win the league.” But while the rest of the footballing world scratched their heads and pondered how a man with such a warped view of reality can be so successful in one of the biggest management jobs in England, there’s one person at least who thinks Harry should be in the biggest job in England. “Harry’s credentials are as good as anybody else’s,” said Shhhhteve McClaren. “I say the England manager has to be experienced, he has to have European experience, and he has to have won something. Harry fits the bill in all of those.” Unfortunately, this otherwise impressive logic is let down by one important factor. Namely, that Steve McClaren was also experienced in Europe and had won something – yet he was absolute dogshit as England manager. “We are looking at the Spanish, the Dutch and the German games but we are the English game. We have to find what wins with England,” McClaren blathered on. “There are a lot of very good things in English football, there are a lot of very good young players. But how are we going to win so everybody says, ‘Wow, that’s the English way’?” For the record Steve, Spurs last match-day squad of 18 featured just five English players. Which proves even the English can’t win playing the English way.
Window of opportunity “Jack Frost roasting on an open fire, chipmunks nipping at your nose.” Yes it’s almost that time of year again readers. A time when some football fans wake up in the morning to find out they’ve gotten everything they asked for (Man City fans) while others wake up to find someone’s broken into their homes and stolen all their best stuff (Everton fans). Yes it’s January transfer window time again and who’s that coming down BBM’s chimney? Why it’s Father Wishlist! So what better time to pick his brains about the rumours currently circulating at the bottom of every manager’s festive transfer sack. Marvelous. First up, Chelsea, who think the answer to their problems (their main problem being they’re already out of the title race) is Bolton’s Gary Cahill, also known as John Terry Mk II. Depending on which rag you read, the general consensus is Chelsea will bid around £7million for him come January, with Spurs their main competition. This clearly means Chelsea think they don’t have enough John Terrys in their team. Ironically, England’s problem is they have too many. Another player linked to Chelsea is Palermo midfielder Josip Ilicic, who’s agent has recently come out to say he won’t be going anywhere in January. In agent speak, this translates ‘please pay a ridiculous sum of money for my client so I can have my tidy 10 per cent.’ Meanwhile, perennial also-rans Arsenal are reportedly interested in Dortmund’s 19-year-old starlet Mario Gotze. Having only just gone through puberty, he certainly fits the Arsenal bill – so will Arsene Wenger for once have the courage to back his instincts and pay the £30million Dortmund reckon he’s worth? Almost certainly not. Funniest rumour so far? Rooney to Madrid for £55million. Remind us never to read the International Business Times website again. It even sounds like a made-up paper.
“When Tony first came to see Gary, he could see Gary was still aware of everything that was going on around him. So he asked Gary if he wanted to do some scouting for him. “A DVD comes down to us, with a sheet of paper. There is a description of the player, his name, his age, his position and the clubs he has played for.” Parkinson views DVDs of potential signings for Mowbray and rates players by blinking to his missus. “Gary had a fantastic playing career, even after Middlesbrough, and he’s coached at high levels since,” Boro under-18 coach Colin Cooper told BBC Look North. “It genuinely helps, it gives Tony another opinion which is something he really values, it’s a real positive. “It’s something the family have taken on board, and we hope Gary can keep improving and hopefully one day do some full time scouting for us.” That’s all well and good, but what if he’s watching a DVD of a potential signing and gets something in his eye? The club might misinterpret his fevered blinking as a rave review and spend a fortune on a really shit player. Something to think about.
A successful Korea
Just to underline how utterly inept England rugby is a review by the RFU into why we were so incredibly shit at the World Cup has been accidentally leaked to the The Times. In other words, they’ve even managed to cock-up admitting that they’ve cocked up. The report, which features anonymous interviews with England’s bunch of beer guzzling, slapper kissing, dwarf tossing players, makes Macbeth seem like a cheery rom-com by comparison. Players lay into each other, talk about the money they missed out on and generally curl out a large stinking turd at the doorstep of Martin Johnson. “I suppose we just wanted Johnno to have the (courage) to take action, especially after the Tindall night. He was too loyal and that was his downfall,” one player was quoted as saying in the leaked report. After a drunken night out in Queenstown, stalwart Mike Tindall was belatedly fined £25,000 for putting his cock in a blonde midget or something and coach Martin Johnson was criticised in the reports for failing to discipline players involved. “We had meetings where ‘values’ were discussed but they felt like empty words,” one player said in the report, while another added: “If it’s the senior players leading drinking games or drinking until they can’t remember anything, what example are the younger players set?” The review pretty much condemned everyone involved in the campaign, except for one man: Graham Rowntree. When he’s not the drummer in Blur, Graham is England’s scrum coach and was praised by players and staff alike. Three cheers for Graham! Rule Britannia! Britannia rules the waves!
What’s the first thing you think of when someone mentions North Korea? Nuclear warheads...communism...Hans Blix being fed to sharks... something your mate back home said about eating cats. And that’s it. Well now you can add a new known fact about the secretive state - they’re the best national football team in the world. Kind of. North Korea have been unofficially crowned world champions following their 1-0 world cup qualifying win over Japan last week - despite the fact they’ve already failed to qualify for the 2014 tournament in Brazil. The reason? Bear with us on this one. According to www.ufwc.co.uk (which stands for Unofficial Football World Champions), the team that last beat the world champions automatically takes the crown. Basically, it’s like boxing but applied to football. So when World Cup holders Spain lost to Argentina in a friendly last year, the Unofficial World Champions title passed to the South Americans. Then when Argentina lost to Japan last October, they became the world’s best. And after nearly a year as the best team in the world - Japan lost to North Korea in November. “Heads will shake and eyebrows will raise but, in beating former champions Japan 1-0 ... North Korea won the UFWC title,” said a posting on the website. “It’s a shock that many football fans are still getting used to, with North Korea becoming one of the least likely champions the game has ever seen. That, of course, is the beauty of the UFWC (Unofficial Football World Championship). “Anything can happen over the course of 90 minutes, and North Korea deserved to take the title from Japan, who had taken the title from Argentina, who had taken the title from Spain... and so on.” Ultimately, it’s a meaningless title but will that stop Kim Jong-il becoming convinced that he rules a nation of uber-athletic super men who are ready to take control of the world? Only time will tell.
Conor’s cunning con The long history of football is littered with examples of frauds and scams. Whether it’s World Cup votes for cash or Steve McClaren masquerading as a decent manager, they vary in sophistication and scale. So hats off to Irish fan Conor Cunningham who reminded us that simplicity is best when it comes to blagging. Cunningham managed to sneak into Ireland’s Euro 2012 play-off against Estonia in Tallin and sat next to the Estonian manager in the dugout for the start of the game. His cunning plan? He wore an Estonian tracksuit and sat down. “I was just determined to see the match - 11 of us arrived in Tallinn for the game and we were being quoted €600 for tickets,” Cunningham said. Without the money to pay a tout, Cunningham tried to blag his way in as a security guard. When that failed, he tried his luck by slipping into an unlocked and unguarded door at the side of the stadium. “It was a corridor and a dead end. But I did see a bag of footballs and, when I picked them up, spotted an Estonian tracksuit underneath them,” he explains. He quickly popped the disguise on over his Ireland shirt and jeans then headed back to the main entrance with the bag of footballs over his shoulder, where security staff calmly waved him through. “I didn’t know what to do, to be honest, so I thought I’d better go into the Estonian dug-out. No one said anything to me and then I realised I was sitting beside their manager,” he added. “It was about 10 or 15 minutes into the match when a UEFA official got suspicious of me.” Well done fella. And it’s good to know it’s not just the English FA who are incompetent idiots.
UFC - Brock - Too Big to Fail Brock Lesnar’s name hangs over the heavyweight division like a fart in a bean factory (I’m not sure that’s actually a saying, but it sounds like it could be). As the UFC’s biggest draw, he is forever in the title picture no matter what he does, or doesn’t do – and should he defeat Alistair Overeem at UFC 141 on December 30th, he’ll be granted another shot at the belt he claimed by TKOing a 106 year old Randy Couture three years ago. Lesnar being the champ makes sense for the UFC – he’s its most famous asset thanks to his years in the WWE, and he’s carried his theatrical wrestling persona into MMA. He draws people in, he makes them spend their money on PPVs – and for a still growing company now making the move to network TV in America, he’ll help to attract the attention their aiming for. Maybe that’s why we’re constantly told that he’s a superhuman fighting machine with the ability to plough through every competitor out there. And he is freakishly quick and athletic for such a big man. But there’s a problem: he has no boxing defence – none. Before Shane Carwin gassed and was submitted in the second round of their fight, he exposed Brock’s shockingly poor defence – and when Lesnar faced someone who could strike and knew how to pace himself, he was absolutely destroyed by Cain Velasquez, and he lost his belt. Overeem is an excellent striker and probably has the tools to beat him; but even if Lesnar loses, expect him to continue to hover around and be given chances to get at the title now held by Junior dos Santos. Just like after his loss to Frank Mir, and just like now after his annihilation at the hands of Velasquez.
Line Up Complete for 2013 Rugby League World Cup With the qualifiers now over, we have the complete list of the 14 teams who’ll compete in the 2013 Rugby League World Cup. The nations awarded automatic qualification – Australia, Cook Islands, England, Fiji, France, Ireland, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, Samoa, Scotland, and Wales – will be joined in the competition by the winners of the European and Atlantic qualifying groups. The qualifying tournaments, held in October of this year, saw Italy emerge victorious in the European group after edging out Lebanon on goal difference, and the USA – continuing their annoying quest to get involved in proper sports as well as their own wussified versions – finishing top of the Atlantic group with 40 – 4 score lines over both Jamaica and South Africa. Thanks to its policy of bidding for every sports event there is and hoping they get one, the UK won the right to host the 2013 event – and with the line up now complete, the teams will look ahead and prepare. The teams and authorities have talked much about raising the awareness of the game, and the Rugby League International Federation (RLIF) will look to build on the success of the 2008 World Cup in Australia, which went a long way to repair the sport’s global image after the disastrous World Cup of 2000 in England – where poor weather spoilt the event and left the Rugby Football League in debt. The RLIF hopes that a successful World Cup in 2013 and the increased international activity will help the sport grow and better compete with the Union code for attention on the international stage – where it now struggles. One BBM contributor had to be told twice that he was writing about League instead of Union, because he’d forgotten all about the qualifiers ever taking place. What a handsome idiot that man is…
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24 Sports Bars that show English Premier League Football We all know what it’s like, you’re away from home and there’s a big game on and you’re dying to know the score but every barman that you asks gives you a pitiful look when they say they don’t show English Premier League. But fear no more, here is a list of 24 bars that do! However, with Daylight Saving in October and the clocks moving in opposite directions, we are now 11 hours ahead of GMT. This means that many bars can’t show games live as they would have to be open at stupid’o’clock in the morning to do so. But repeats are shown and these friendly publicans are more than happy to show them. Jacksons on George - 24/7 Live, 176 George Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9247 2727 www.jacksonsongeorge.com.au
Madison Hotel - 24/7 Live, 52 Devonshire Street, Surry Hills, 2010
Paddington Arms Hotel - Most games shown Live 384 Oxford Street, Paddington, 2021 02 9360 9668 www.Paddoarms.com.au
Paragon Hotel - Most games shown Live 1 Loftus Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9241 3522 www.hotelparagon.com.au
The Coogee Bay Hotel - Check prior to arrival Coogee Bay Road/Arden Street, Coogee, 2034 02 9665 0000 www.coogeebayhotel.com.au
The Forbes Hotel - Most games shown Live 30 York Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9299 3703 www.theforbeshotel.com.au
Beach Palace Hotel - Check prior to arrival 169 Dolphin Street, Coogee, 2034 02 9664 2900 www.beachpalacehotel.com.au
Criterion Hotel - 24/7 Live (no sound) 260 Pitt Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9264 3093 www.criterionhotel.net.au
Nag’s Head Hotel - Check prior to arrival 162 St Johns Road, Glebe, 2037 02 9660 1591 www.nagshead.com.au
Scruffy Murphy’s - 24/7 Live 43-49 Goulburn Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9211 2002 www.scruffymurphys.com.au
Ancient Briton - Check prior to arrival 225 Glebe Point Road, Glebe, 2037 02 9660 1417 www.abhotel.com.au
Great Southern Hotel - Most games shown Live
The Crown Hotel - 24/7 Live (sound on demand) 589 Crown Street, Surry Hills, 2010 02 9699 3460 www.crownhotel.com.au
The Crest Hotel - 24/7 Live 111 Darlinghurst Road, Kings Cross, 2011 02 8354 6666 www.crestsportsbar.com.au The Strand Hotel - Most games shown Live 99 William Street, Darlinghurst, 2011 02 9360 6910 www.strandhotel.com.au
532 Anzac Parade, Kingsford, 2032 02 9663 3648 www.churchillsbar.com.au
Coogee Diggers - Most games shown Live Corner of Carr Street & Byron Street, Coogee, 2034 02 9665 4466 www.coogeediggers.com.au
02 2911 1612 www.madisonhotel.com.au
717 George Street, Sydney, 2000 02 9211 1337 www.greatsouthernhotel.com.au
Churchill’s Sports Bar - 24/7 Live
The Golden Sheaf Hotel - Check prior to arrival 429 New South Head Road, Double Bay, 2023 02 9327 5877 www.goldensheaf.com.au
Charing Cross - Check prior to arrival 81 Carrington Road, Waverley, 2024 02 9389 3093 www.laundy.com.au/charingcross
Hotel Bondi - Check prior to arrival 178 Campbell Parade, Bondi, 2026 02 9130 3271 www.hotelbondi.com
Union Hotel - Check prior to arrival 576 King Street, Newtown, 2042 02 9557 2989 www.unionnewtown.com.au
The Ivanhoe - Check prior to arrival 27 The Corso, Manly, 2095 02 9976 3955 www.ivanhoehotelmanly.com.au
Hotel Steyne - Check prior to arrival 75 The Corso, Manly, 2095 02 9977 4977 www.steynehotel.com.au
Coach & Horses - Check prior to arrival 147 Avoca Street, Randwick, 2031 02 9399 3005 www.coachandhorseshotel.com.au
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TRAVEL GO SURFING
World renowned for its fantastically great surfing capabilities, this is certainly an activity you should partake in whilst visiting Australia. With tons of surfing schools and practically a whole culture of its own, why not get stuck in whilst you’re in town. Both locals and tourists can enjoy some time out on the surf and with weather to die for why spend the entire day beaching yourself on the sand? Go and cool off and get that adrenaline pumping in the epic waves that lap the shores of Bondi, Byron Bay, and The Gold Coast. No matter what level you’re at, surfing schools can get you started from complete beginner, or just help with refreshing your skills. You may just want a few pointers on your current surfing skills, what ever your abilities surf schools can be found on all the best surfing beaches and are ready to help. Surfing is a great way to get in the water and commune with nature’s theme park. Of course if you’re just starting off, surfing can seem really quite scary – the thought of falling off, knocking yourself out with your board, sharks and all that jazz. But with tons of veteran surfers to hand at surfing schools, you can avoid hours of needless wipeouts by listening to the board gurus. They’ll point out the basics of technique, etiquette and the potential dangers to be aware of – it is certainly money well spent. They will also give you inside information about particularly busy breaks, like Sydney’s eastern suburbs beaches. A wet behind the ears grommet can all too easily end up staggering out of the surf, choking on salt water and running home to mummy with a bloody nose. Making sure you check in for some surfing lessons will ensure you hours of fun surfing alone or with friends. It’s not just great exercise, but will also keep you out of the pub on a Sunday afternoon.
GO SOUTH So the run up to Christmas and New Year has begun, and if you’re fed up of work, or tired, or simply too impatient to wait for the festive holiday to kick in, why not head south for some warmer sunshine and new experiences?
Adelaide The best way to start your Southern adventure is to jump on the short flight from Sydney to Adelaide, South Australia’s Capital City, which will require you sit on a plane for no longer than 1 hour and 40 minutes. Once you arrive at Adelaide airport, the city itself is reachable by bus, a 15-minute taxi ride, or there is a huge selection of car rental companies to choose from if you fancy the freedom of your own (temporary) set of wheels. Adelaide is a city which doesn’t exactly pulsate with the same wild buzz of nightlife that you’ll experience in Melbourne or Sydney, but this doesn’t mean it deserves to be valued as no more than a re-fuel/ stop off point. Some have called it “the most English of cities in Australia,” and “the biggest village in the world,” which gives Adelaide a sort of grand appeal to any holidaymaker or traveler. And it doesn’t disappoint. It is a ‘cultural capital’, boasting the most iconic and extensive collections of art in Australia, a vibrant live music scene and some of the finest wine the country can offer. Take a wander down the North Terrace to visit the Art Gallery of South Australia, the South Australian Museum as well as the Migration Museum, which has paintings depicting South Australia’s history and stories from migrants. If you fancy getting out of the city, you’re spoilt for choice for places to visit. Clare Valley is less than an hour’s scenic trip into the suburbs and is home to Adelaide’s emerging gourmet food scene - perfect for the foodies amongst you. If a spot of cultured alcoholic consumption is on your agenda during your trip here, why not head out into Adelaide’s suburbs to the Barossa Valley, where the vineyards produce some of that fine tasting wine previously mentioned. We understand that half of Australian wine should definitely be sold as ‘plonk,’ but when Australian wines are good, well… they are exceptionally good. The two-hour trip from Adelaide takes you through rolling hills, and it is a rather romantic destination - the landscape has inspired many artists and painters with its beauty. There are 80 cellar doors, and over 150 wineries, but don’t be intimidated by the choice as there are numerous opportunities to taste and talk to the experts about the tipples that might tip your fancy. Complete your idyllic day out with a blissfully uplifting hot air balloon ride over the valley. However, this is not recommended if you’ve over-indulged on the wine, as a trip up into the sky maybe a little more sickening than blissful. Perhaps save the hot air balloon experience for another day!
For something a little more family friendly, or if there’s a large group of you who just want some fun in the sun, hop on a tram for some beach action at Glenelg. However, be warned: this is where half of the city commute to at the weekend as it is a favoured destination for its pristine beach conditions, extensive range of shopping, eateries and sporting activities. Scuba-diving, jet-ski tours, tennis and sailing are a few of the activities you can participate in here. If you’re not quite ready to go home yet, why not take your temporary set of wheels down to Cape Jervis where you can hop on a ferry to Kangaroo Island! This large, but sparsely populated island is valued most for its natural beauty and wildlife. Spend a couple of days exploring by taking part in a Kangaroo Island Adventure Tour, which will lead you round many of its unique landmarks such as Seal Bay, Pennington Bay, Vivionne Bay and the Remarkable Rocks (like the name suggests, this is a stack of eroded limestone that sits on top of a cliff, that, um, looks remarkable). As part of the tour you will spend the evening beside a campfire, to reflect on your experiences before spending the night on a cool farm amongst the wilderness. Pure escapism! For those of you who are daringly inquisitive by nature, discover the limestone caves under the bushland of Kelly Hill where they offer Adult Adventure Tours of the breathtaking caverns. A hard hat and set of overalls are not to be over-looked here (they supply them), because the last thing you want to do - especially whilst exploring in a big twisted hole in the ground - is knock yourself out on a stalactite.
Coober Pedy Bored of your average beach resort or city break and literally want to experience ‘Down under’? Brace yourself for some uncomfortable extremes of temperature and visit Coober Pedy, ‘The Opal Capital of World.’ The first opal, incase you were intrigued, was found in Coober Pedy on the 1st of February 1915 and to this day this mining town is responsible for producing 70% of the worlds opals. It is a town that offers something a little different, because much of the experience is spent underground. The below-ground residences are called ‘dug-outs’ and provide shelter from the desert conditions above - in December it can reach 47C during the day and 10C at night. It is a good 24-hour drive from Sydney, and if this seems far too harrowing for a holiday cheap flights are available from Sydney to Coober Pedy’s own airport. Stay in one of the many underground hotels, eat in one of the underground restaurants and visit the commended Underground Art Gallery. There are even underground shopping arcades. Get involved with the town’s history and visit one of the many opal mines open to the public where you can even dig for your own opal. Don’t be cynical or complacent about it as these are still appealing spots for the get rich quick crowd. Valuable gems are still unearthed by visitors – every now and again – in these supervised caves. For a drink after a hard days mining head to the Desert Cave Hotel where you’ll find the world’s only underground bar and gaming room. Or head to bed for what most people have valued as ‘the most peaceful sleep of their lives.’ Either way, you’ll struggle to find a more surreal way to spend a break away from the bustle of Sydney.
Philip Island For a destination that will keep you, family and friends entertained for at least a week, maybe even two, strap on your seatbelts for a bearable 12 hours drive to Phillip Island. Albury offers a pleasant midway over-night stop off if you’re not in rush. Philip Island itself can be found South of Melbourne and is known for its multitude of one particular waddling inhabitant. Around 26’000 little penguins occupy the waters surrounding the island and every morning they venture out of their beach homes at sunrise. They return at dusk , marching up the beach in a spectacular procession that has tourists and Aussies alike flocking to witness the march of the penguins. Philip Island traditionally belongs to the Boonwurrung people, a tribe that consisted of six clans who take responsibility for maintaining their heritage on the island. Why not respect it and learn a few words of Boonwurrung before your visit? A ‘guyeem’ is a Kangaroo, the sea is ‘warreny,’ and wind is ‘munmut.’ You know, just incase you bump into one. Philip Island is teaming with other wildlife, such as wallabies and kangaroos and at the western end of the island you’ll find ‘Seal Rocks,’ where - guess what? - you’ll find seals. In fact, you’ll find the largest colony of Fur Seals in Australia. Hiking trails are an ideal way to explore the various sights and enjoy the vibrant presence of the wildlife here. If you want a view of it all the Cape Woolamai trail takes you up to 109 meters above sea level – the islands highest point - in a two-hour round walk. If the thought of walking that far makes you reach for a beer before you’ve even begun, why not be at one with a cuddly marsupial rather than the entirety of nature? There isn’t one, but two Koala Conversationalist Parks where you can interact with the animals without much strenuous effort. Or experience the island’s glorious sights from a whole new vantage point and climb into a helicopter to reach new heights of sight-seeing! Philip Island also boasts 100km of coastline that is well known for having the most consistent and varied surf, so you’re guaranteed to catch a wave somewhere if surfing is your thing. There is something for all skill levels, but at a few beaches there can be strong rips, so be sure to check when the beaches are supervised, as lifeguards only patrol during the height of summer. Also beware, the sea lacks some of the welcoming warmth that you’d expect, in fact it is downright chilly. If you plan on taking your break over New Year, Philip Island hosts the Pyramid Rock Festival, which takes place on New Years Eve every year. The lineup this year is headed by Scissor Sisters and boasts musicians like Grandmaster Flash, Yusek Live and Cloud Control, so it makes a perfect destination to start your New Year with a wild, drunken rock-festival-style bang! And you can enjoy the perks of the island mentioned above during your visit too, that is if you still feel capable of doing so. After all: ending one year drinking, and starting the New Year with a thumping headache agrees with nothing more than lounging on a beach all day! By Alexandra Macleod
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TRAVEL - NEW ZEALAND & FIJI
NZ
Things to do SKYDIVING Skydive Lake Wanaka Ltd 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com Nzone ‘The Ultimate Jump’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SkydivingNZ.com New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
RAFTING RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz
JET BOATING Shotover Jet
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
Glacier Guiding Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
Going to Fiji?
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
ACCOMMODATION Beachcomber Island Resort Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww.beachcomberfiji. com
river boarding Mad Dog RiverBoarding 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
Accommodation Christchurch City Oasis 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Coker’s Backpackers 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS Bay Adventurer Backpackers & Apartments 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
Kaikoura Adelphi Lodge Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
Queenstown
auckland
Bungi Backpackers 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Southern Laughter Lodge 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Nomads Queenstown 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
Nomads Auckland 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
Franz Josef Glacier
Nomads Capital 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.
Chateau Franz 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Glow Worm Cottages 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
The Beachouse Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com Smugglers Cove Beach Resort & Hotel P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
Nomads Fat Camel 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.
HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
wellington
Robinson Crusoe Island Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com
The Uprising Beach Resort 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com Nadi Bay Resort Hotel Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ Nadi Bay Downtown Backpackers Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj
MUST DO Skydiving
Skydive Fiji 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj
‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
Scuba Diving
Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
AUSTRALIA - THINGS TO DO Skydiving SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS
1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra Airport, Sunshine Coast, QLD Ph: 07 5437 0211 Mob: 04 18 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au
COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS
64 Aviation Drive, Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Ph: 02 6651 1167 Mob: 0400 916 600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY
P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 Ph: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS
1 Pathfinder Drive, Caloundra, QLD, 4551 Ph: +61 7 5437 0211 Mob: +61 0418 776 775 bookings@sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au www.sunshinecoastskydivers.com.au/
SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR
P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Ph: 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of Coffs
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS
51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY
36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com
SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH
51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Ph: 1800 800 840 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
Scuba Diving Australia PRODIVE CAIRNS
116 Spence Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 5255 www.prodivecairns.com
THE SCUBA CENTRE
Surf Schools SURF & SUN AUSTRALIAN ADVENTURES Ph: 1800 786 386 08 8212 0211 info@surfandsun.com.au www.surfandsun.com.au
Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Ph: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au
KANGAROO ISLAND ADVENTURE TOURS
NINGLAOO WHALE SHARK & DIVE CENTRE
MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING
Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth, Western Australia Free: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
Adventure Tours GOIN SOUTH
Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au
TEMPATION DOLPHIN SWIM
Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au
A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING
McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD 4878 Tel: 07 4057 7188 Free: 1800 622 888 cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com
Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.kiadventuretours.com.au
L4, 362 Kent St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph:1800 646 478 Ph: 02 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com
BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Ph: 02 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com
PENRITH WHITE WATER RAFTING Ph: 02 4730 4333 booking@penrithwhitewater.com.au www.penrithwhitewater.com.au
BALLOON SUNRISE
PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Ph: 03 9730 2422 Free: 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com.au
Kite Surfing KITESURF 1770
The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Ph: 07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
IKO Certified Kiteboarding school/Centre 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Wate, QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING
KITE REPUBLIC
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS
3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mob: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182, Melbourne, VIC Ph: 03 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au
GET WET SURF SCHOOL Ph: 1800 438 938 www.getwetsurf.com
MOJO SURF
Ph: 1800 113 044 www.mojosurf.com.au
SURF SHACK
Ph: 03 5155 4933 www.surfshack.com.au
GO SURFING BYRON BAY
Ph: 02 6685 7099 gosurfingbyronbay@gmail.com www.gosurfingbyronbay.com
LETS GO SURFING
Ph: 02 9365 1800 www.letsgosurfing.com.au
SURFING AUSTRALIA
Ph: 07 5599 3800 www.surfingaustralia.com
Marine Charters
PARADISE JET BOATING
Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Ph: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au
Bike Riding Tours ESCAPE GOAT
Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 Mob: 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au
Zorb Balls OZ BALL GOLD COAST Go Zorbing with Oz Ball. Ph: 07 5547 6300 team@ozball.com.au www.ozball.com.au
Wine and Beer Tours
ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS
PRIME MINI TOURS
KANGAROO MARINE CHARTERS
HIDDEN SECRET TOURS
2 Jubilee Drive, Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au
9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 www.kimarineadventures.com
ADVENTURE KAYAKING
7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: 08 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au
JET SKI SAFARIS
Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Ph: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au
Melrose Park, South Australia 5039 Ph: 1300 667 650 info@primeminitours.com www.primeminitours.com
Ph: 03 9663 3358 tours@hiddensecrettours.com www.hiddensecretstours.com
CARLTON & UNITED BREWERY TOUR
Cnr Thompson & Nelson Streets, Abbotsford, VIC Ph:(03) 9420 6800 www.carltonbrewhouse.com.au
BIG NIGHT OUT IN SURFERS PARADISE Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net
PARTY IN CAIRNS
Every Wednesday and Friday Night Mob: 0418 184 646 partyincairns@bigpond.com www.partyincairns.com
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 08 9521 545 www.mulgas.com.au
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ACCOMMODATION AUSTRALIA New South Wales
Sydney
Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au Westend Backpackers 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Free: 1800 013 186 Ph: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm! Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9600 1736 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au Maze Backpackers 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 5115 Free: 1800 813 522 info@mazebackpackers.com www.mazebackpackers.com Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au
Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
Sydneys Southern Beaches Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
Katoomba Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
Byron Bay Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
Nambucca Heads Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 info@nambuccabackpackers.com.au www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
Lake Tabourie Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
Queensland Brisbane Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 reservations@tinbilly.com www.tinbilly.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au
Goldcoast Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au
Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au Surfers Paradise Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
Noosa Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com
Hervey Bay Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker. com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
Cairns Nomads Cairns 341 Lake Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Free: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com www.nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. Cairns Central YHA 20-26 McLeod Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 cairnscentral@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com Globetrotters International 154-156 Lake st Cairns City QLD Free: 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au
Nomads Cairns Beach House 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 The Northern Greenhouse 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com
Mission Beach Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
Whitsundays Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
Airlie Beach Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au
cape tribulation PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
rainbow beach Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco WhaleWatching for all!
Western Australia scarborough western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
COTTESLOE ocean beach backpackers cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com
Perth Rainbow Lodge 133 Summers St.Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au Mad Cat Backpackers 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au www.madcatbackpackers.com.au
Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA Accommodation Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
monkey mia Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 22 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au
Victoria Mildura redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
Halls Gap Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
Melbourne Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 Melbourne Central YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 melbcentral@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck. Melbourne Metro YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (03) 9329 8599 melbmetro@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception. Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au
Nomads Melbourne 196-198 A’Beckett Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne! Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au The Greenhouse Backpackers 228 Flinders Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au
St. Kilda Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
Apollo Bay Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.
Halls Gap Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos
Phillip island The Islander 10-12 Phillip Island Tourist Rd, Newhaven, 3925, Phillip Island, Victoria, Australia Ph: (03) 5956 6123 www.theislandaccommodation.com.au
Northern Territory Darwin Ashton lodge & Wisdom Bar 48 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au Melaleuca on Mitchell 52 Mitchell St, Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
alice springs Annie’s Place 4 Traeger Avenue, Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
South Australia Adelaide Adelaide Travellers Inn Backpackers 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au Majestic Minima Hotel 146 Melbourne Street, North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com Adelaide Shakespeare International 123 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA, 5000 Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
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CRYSTAL BALLS good chance you’ll be hit by a giant lump of halfdigested lamb around the middle of the month. At least I hope it was lamb. You can never tell with kebabs.
a very boring life. You better start getting more interesting or I’m not going to do Pisces again. I mean it. It’s like watching paint dry.
Virgo
Good news and bad news this month. The bad news is you walk in on your hot wife having sex with your annoying neighbour. The good news is, you’re not married. Turns out you’ve walked into your neighbour’s flat again by accident. At least you got to see your neighbour’s hot wife with her top off. Score. Shame about the restraining order.
Sagittarius
Broke and lonely, you sink to a new low this week when you try and tempt a pigeon into your bedroom so you can shag and eat it.
Aquarius
The hidden frustrations and secret lives of a dysfunctional Italian family are explored in this engrossing relationship drama. Stars Monica Belluci. That means there’ll be tits in it.
Taurus
This week you realise you can travel to the past within your own lifetime and begin work on a quantum leap accelarator. You manage to knock one up in your shed in a couple of hours, step inside it... and vanish! You wake up to find you’ve leapt into the body of a downtrodden housewife in 1950s America. Oh boy!
Cancer
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for the month…
Capricorn
Uhh. I had a bit of a heavy session last night with my Chinese half sister, Lik Mai Balls. To cut a long story short, I was halfway through reading your fortune when I puked up all over my Crystal Ball. Disgusting it was. I don’t even remember eating a kebab. Anyway, as a result, there’s a
I can feel that kebab coming back up again. Excuse me... *belches loudly* Eee, that’s better. This month, I can see you popping down the chemists to get your Aunt Crystal some Neurofen. Go on dear. And can you pick me up a pack of smokes while you’re at it? You’re a gem.
Leo
December is a big month for you Leo – you finally come out of the closet. No more embarrassing trips to the proctologist for you anymore, you can just shove a cock up there and be done with it. Go out there and be fabulous darling!
Pisces
You know the highlight of your month? You manage to complete a sudoku puzzle in the MX on the way home from work. You really do live
Scorpio
forehead surrounded by bits of her dismembered body. If only you had a dollar for every time that’s happened. You’d have six dollars. There’s a slight deviation this time though. It seems sometime in the night you decided to mutilate your own genitals. Oh Scorpio, you always were a wacky one.
Gemini
Just remember: you’re a beautiful sexy woman with an amazing body, gorgeous breasts and curves that any man would kill for. If you’re not a woman, you have some very serious body issues. Maybe see a doctor.
Aries
Christmas presents from Oxfam? Seriously? I know you think it will impress that eco-warrior chick who’s knickers your hoping to get into if you buy her some Mexican pan pipes made from cow dung but, trust us, she’ll shag you rotten if you buy her a big diamond ring that 14 African kids have probably died trying to find.
Libra
Libra, Libra, Libra. I’m always bloody knackered by the time I get round to you. Well bollocks to it. I’m not gonna tell you what happens this month, I wanna go to bed instead. Fuck off out of it.
It’s the same old story. You go out for a few drinks, chat to a nice girl – and wake up in the morning with a pentagram drawn on your
ASK CRYSTAL Dear Crystal, I’ve just joined the fire service and due to staff shortages I’ve been promoted to fire chief after just a couple of weeks. The problem is, I have absolutely no experience in putting out fires and am terrified that my decisions will lead to injury or worse. We’ve literally just got a call to say there’s a fire at 374 Pitt Street in Sydney. I’m on my way there now but still don’t have any idea what to do when I get there. What’s the best way of putting it out? Please help. Yours, Jon
Dear Jon, That’s a furniture warehouse. Once the fire hits the polyvinyl you’ll have dense smoke and lethal chlorine gas. Extinguish the
main part of the fire with fire trucks and with foam, you should be able to extinguish any minor fires with water, but check for gas appliances first. And be sure to bring in a cherrypicker to evacuate the survivors.
Dear Crystal, I recently flew to London with my sister Monica and my friends Chandler and Joey to get married to a British woman I’d only recently met. Another friend of mine, Rachel, (who’s also an ex-girlfriend) flew in later. The problem is, when I was exchanging vows with my bride to be, I accidentally said Rachel’s name instead. Now my new wife won’t talk to me unless I cut off all contact with Rachel. I really want to make this marriage work but how can I just say ‘goodbye’ to one of my oldest friends? I understand where my wife’s coming
from but it seems so unfair. What do you think I should do Crystal? Yours Ross
Dear Ross, Frankly, you should forget all about your wife and get back with this Rachel chick. Trust me, if you can make a sex tape with her now (as opposed to when she’s a pushing 40 and looking a bit haggard) you’ll be coining it in, in no time. Plus it would save us all several years of will-they-won’t-they bollocks that stopped being funny sometime in the third series. Also, your so-called best friend Chandler is currently balls-deep in your sister, possibly jizzing in her face as we speak. You might wanna sort that out with your ‘friends’.
JOKES Do you know why Santa doesn’t have any children?
I love this time of year.
Brunnette: ‘You wanna come to my New Years Eve party?’
He only comes once a year and that’s down a chimney... Rob, Surry Hills
You can slam your laptop shut when your girlfriend walks into the room and you don’t get any disgusted looks. Richard, St Kilda
Blonde: ‘Sure, when?’
The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the pup.
Terry, Bondi
Eating Christmas dinner with the family, we were reading the jokes from our Christmas Crackers; my dad started off with his joke - it was, “What do shooting stars and false teeth have in common? They only come out at night.”
After a particularly wild company Christmas party, the vice president woke up with a terrible hangover. He turned over and groaned to his wife, “what the hell happened last night?” “As usual you made a fool of yourself in front of the Chairman of the board.” “Piss on him.” answered the man. “You did,” she said. “And he fired you.”
To which I replied, “like rapists.”
“Fuck him.” the man replied.
That was our Christmas dinner ruined for this year. Renee, Adelaide
“I did. You go back to work on Monday.”
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse?
Claustrophobic. Just had a nice piece of edam from Israel.
Gareth, New Yarra Alex, Darlinghurst
These Jacob’s Crackers are rubbish, no bang, no jokes and where’s the party hat? Alyson, Blue Mountains
Lola, Brisbane
My missus is ill and it’s New Years Eve, so she has told me to go out on my own tonight and ring in the new year. That’s nice, I’m thinking maybe Feb/March time. Giles, Christchurch BREAKING NEWS...Bernard Matthews has died aged 80. In an unrelated story, 6 million turkeys organise New Years Eve party. Sylvia, Paddington
James, Balmoral
Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered “No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!” Paul, Wollongong How does King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deepan, crisp and even.
Debbie, Fremantle
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e h t e c n e i r e p Ex h t i w a k e r b t c e r f pe fr eesp irit
Working Holiday Candidates freespirit places travellers in temp & perm roles across all industries including Call Centres, Administration, Banking, Sales & Accounts. If you're interested in arranging an interview, send your resume to info@freespirit.com.au
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MARN: 0853698