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NOVEMBER HIGHLIGHTS No Sleep Till Sando Parts 1, 2 and 3 The legendary Hard-Ons take on the Sando over four Wednesdays in November. With supersonic giveaways each week, you’d be crazy to miss it. When: 8pm, November 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd Where: The Sandringham Hotel, King St Newtown, Sydney Price: $12.00 More Info: http://www.sando.com.au/
High Flyers Day Cruise
The biggest cruise to date, sold out over 6 weeks in advance previously, so this season there are great acts lined up for the summer with a few big surprises along the way. When: 12-5pm, November 5th Where: Opera House Price: $75.00 More Info: http://www.digdeeppromotions.com/
The Operatives and Foreign Dub Present Shapeshifter
Platinum selling Kiwi superstars Shapeshifter bring their explosive and exceptional live show to Aussi shores. When: 8pm, 5th November Where: The Metro, Sydney Price: $48.00 More Info: http://www.metrotheatre.com.au/ events/2011/11/05/shapeshifter
Our House Sydney Presents Terrence Parker
Terrence is an established producer, remixer and DJ of the classic sound of Detroit House Music, and is known as a pioneer of the Inspirational / Gospel House movement! When: 9pm, 5th November Where: Civic Underground, 388 Pitt St, Sydney Price: $20.00 in advance or $25.00 on the door More Info: http://www.ourhousesydney.com/home. html
Fact Presents Pier Bucci
Pier Bucci headlines at one of the most beautiful venues in Sydney, The Pumphouse When:11pm, 5th November Where: The Pumphouse Price: $34.60 More Info: http://www.moshtix.com.au/event. aspx?id=51246
The Grates ‘Summer Breath’ Tour
The Grates are certainly going to blow summer our way as they begin in November for their biggest tour ever. When: 7:30pm, November 10th and 11th Where: 10th Waves nightclub, Sydney, 11th Cambridge Hotel Price: $34.00 More Info: http://www.moshtix.com.au/event. aspx?id=49673
British India
Australia’s hottest young independent band have smashed their way through hundreds of headline shows and appeared at all the major Australian festivals…British India’s live show is a force to be reckoned with. When: 8pm, November 12th Where: The Gaelic, Sydney Price: $29.00 More Info: http://thegaelic.com/tickets/
SHE Boat Party
Featuring Ron Carroll (3hr DJ Set), Vula (Basement Jaxx, Live + DJ Set), Luciana (UK, Live) A day of glorious weather & an amazing crowd of party-people, SHE boat party is always a sell-out so book early to avoid disappointment. When: 11:45am, November 12th Where: Bella Vista Boat, Sydney Harbour Price: $50.00 More Info: http://www.shesydney.com/
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Spring Music
With a capacity of only 1000, imagine a festival with no waiting in line or overcrowding, just a great party and awesome music. When: 12pm – 10pm, November 12th Where: Entertainment Quarter, 122 Lamg Road, Moore Park, Sydney Price: $74.70 More Info: http://seasonedmusic.com.au/
Aqua Groove Cruise
Australia’s Best DJs provide amazing entertainment in the sun. Relax and have an awesome time whilst taking in the sights of Sydney Harbour onboard ‘The Lady Rose’. When: 12pm, 12th November Where: Pick up opposite Cargo Bar, King St Wharf, Darling Harbour, Sydney Price: $44.00 More Info: http://www.moshtix.com.au/event. aspx?id=41098
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
US based Clap Your Hands Say Yeah look set to burst back on to the scene with the release of their third and finest – album “Hysterical” in September. When: 8pm, November 14th Where: Oxford Art Factory Price: $45.00 More Info: http://www.oxfordartfactory.com/
Nick Cave ‘Straight to You’ Tribute Shows
The show will see some of this country’s finest tackling songs from Cave’s entire career. When: November 17th, November 19th Where: 17th Enmore Theatre, November 19th, Panthers Newcastle Price: $63.80 More Info: Sydney http://www.enmoretheatre.com.au/ Melbourne http://www.forummelbourne.com.au/
Tijuana Cartel featuring Tin Can Radio
Tijuana Cartel have started their 32 date national tour in 64 days! In that time they’ll be launching their new album, supporting Kiwi reggae-groove legends Salmonella Dub and taking in three music festivals. When: 8pm, November 17th Where: Oxford Arts Factory Price: $28.00 More Info: http://www.oxfordartfactory.com/
Rainbow Serpent Festival Launch Party
This party will no doubt be a night of funked-up beats, path grooves, and twisted treats all in the spirit of The Rainbow Serpent Festival, launching in Sydney. When: 9pm, 18th Where: The Whitehouse Price: $30.00-$40.00 More Info: http://www.residentadvisor.net/event. aspx?297015
Graffiti At The Island
The Graffiti Festival is back, and is boasting an incredible 7-hour line-up, alongside 120 street art exhibitions – and it’s all FREE. When: 2pm, November 19th Where: Cockatoo Island, Sydney Harbour, Sydney Price: FREE More Info: http://outpost.cockatooisland.gov.au/
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Shrug Presents Matthew Dekay & SQL
After a break escaping Sydney’s winter to soak up the sun and music from all over Europe, Shrug is back and bringing you their biggest line up yet. This time we’re running two rooms, one boasting double Dutch action downstairs, and the other a dance floor of deepness on the ground floor with some of Sydney’s finest DJ’s. When: 9pm, November 19th Where: The Civic Hotel Price: Tickets: $15.00 1st Release, $20.00 2nd Release / $30.00 door More Info: http://shrugevents.com/
AGWA Boat Cruise
Featuring Jamie Jones, Lee Foss Co-op DJ’s & Mitch Crosher A modern take on classic and future music, with the party always in mind When: November 19th, 2pm Where: Starship Sydney Price: SOLD OUT (but keep an eye on Facebook for last minute tix)
Xzibit
In thrilling hip hop news, Illusive are pleased to announce the return of hip hop heavyweight Xzibit to Aussi shores in November. When: November 24th, 9pm Where: Fanny’s Nightclub, Newcastle Price: $23.50 More Info: http://www.illusive.com.au/xzibit2011/
Flight Facilities ‘Foreign Language Tour’
Having finally released their second single, Foreign Language (feat. Jess), Flight Facilities are set to return from Europe and embark upon a tour of Australia. When: November 26th, 6pm Where: Buddha Bar Price: $15.00-$20.00 More Info: http://flightfacilities.com/
Pharoahe Monch
Long known as one of hip hops most technically skilled and all-around developed MCs you won’t want to miss Pharoahe Monch! When: November 26th, 8:30pm Where: Metro Theatre, Sydney Price: $49.00 More Info: http://www.peacemusic.com.au/
Never Mind The Balearics
With a secret, exclusive location, with a strictly limited capacity this is bound to be good. Chill or swim in the sun and then dance into the night. Venue released to ticket holders on the week of the event. When: November 26th, 2pm Where: Secret Harbour Venue Price: $60.00 More Info: http://www.nevermindthebalearics.com/
Musik Matters
After hosting the main stage at The Space Ibiza festival Musik Matters returns to the Goldfish, Kings Cross. When: 5th November, from 9pm til late Where: The Goldfish, Kings Cross Price: Free before 9pm More Info: http://www.thegoldfish.com.au/kingscross/
Chinese Laundry
Chinese Laundry is the only destination for you on Saturday November 5 as we play host to two of the hottest headliners to hit a dance floor near you Pleasurekraft (Swe/USA) and The Only! When: Saturday 5th November, 9pm till 4am Where: Chinese Laundry , cnr King & Sussex street , under Slip inn Price: $15.00 Before 10pm & $25.00 After More info – https://www.facebook.com/theno1club
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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY
By Alex McIntyre & Sarah Wilk
Late Night Bars Sydney is meant to be a 24 hour city, but let’s be honest, since the Responsible Service of Alcohol, ‘glassing’ trends and the suburb of Manly in general, licensing laws have really tightened up. Basically put, if you have been anywhere else in the world, you will not be happy with the state of Sydney at 2am when you want a drink. Here at BBM however, the staunch alcoholism bred into our system has led us to explore the late night open avenue. Here are our top picks of places to stay until sunrise around the responsible city.
The Abercrombie Hotel Corner of Broadway and Abercrombie St, Broadway Recently re-bought and absolutely not redecorated from the grungy uni student living room chic it has always displayed, The Abercrombie is now open until at least 5am. There are couches, outside benches, and a super awesome little dance hall dance floor in between where DJs stream 90’s music like it was actually once cool. The house tequila tastes like Amyl Nitrate and the bartenders are often as drunk as the patrons but if you want some grunge and like to “check-in” at trendy kid hotspots on Facebook then The Abercrombie is the place for you. You very sleazy, 6am kebab dribbling sweaty awesome “Nirvana were the pinnacle of grunge” talking mess of a person. Oh and during the day they serve a beautiful and cheap array of mostly deep-fried stuff if you fancy revisiting the scene of the crime to cure the hangover.
Kinselas 383 Bourke St, Darlinghurst This is a place that is open until 6am, and it seems like that when you are in there. The décor’s nice and it’s a giant space with a fully loaded bar. There is always an open door, and if you want, there is a ping pong table, which pretty much makes it for us. The bar has recently added a great new cocktail section and the bartenders are still getting used to it, they are generally friendly and will pour you any shot you ask for. The space of the area is great, you can sit out the front on Taylor Square to watch the local ‘wildlife’, or inside you can be devoured by chairs that will eat you up in the most comfortable fashion or dance around the jukebox.
Flinders Hotel 63 Flinders st, Darlinghurst If you like busy places, pickles, and models leaning against walls you will hit the jackpot at Flinders Hotel. Always open late, always blaring the latest indie kid trend in remix’s, re-hauls of past music fads and always covered in a hell of a lot of skinny kids in vintage clothes. The place is decorated like a teenagers wet dream, and more importantly, if you have boobs you can flash them for a free glass of champagne. All the shitfaced cool kids are hanging out talking about blogs and dancing like it is a high school house party, it is a fun night out! Watch your head in the morning; the signature pickle-back shots (Jamesons and pickle brine) are lethal.
The Royal George 320/330 George st, CBD This is the cosy brick pub side of the Merivale group and it is a beautiful, warm, pint pouring late night joint. It is open later on Thursdays and Fridays, but don’t be put off by the drunken Ivy crowd pouring out in their pumps, you can have a great game of pool downstairs or sit up and enjoy the fun little decorations like longneck lights and chalk illustrations. As a plus the bar seems to only hire good looking people, so have a beer, have a perve and enjoy the mood lighting.
Pyrmont Bridge Hotel 96 Union St, Pyrmont This is the “really shouldn’t but always do” 24 hour pub of Sydney. It is always packed full of drunks. It will take you a long time to get a drink and is a sweaty heaving mess of booze, but that’s its appeal. It has three levels of debaucherous fun and conversation with people that you would never usually talk to, you can laugh and joke and speak as loudly as you want, and it’s open for 24 hours of the day, 7 days a week. Trust us when we say, you will do it.
Sydney Top Day Trips Fancy getting away from the hustle and bustle of Sydney for the day, why not take a day trip. Here are some of our favourite things to do around Sydney.
Blue Mountains Being just 70km from Sydney’s CBD, the picturesque Blue Mountains and the mysterious Jenolan Caves make for a good day out and sets the scene for some memorable holiday snaps.
Hunter Valley Hunter Valley is an excellent day out, whether you’re a wine and cheese connoisseur or not, it’s a great experience to visit this tasty region. Wine…Cheese...Valley...We’re in!
Sydney Sights If you aren’t staying for long in Sydney and you want to see all the sights then do a day tour and cram them all in. You can’t come to Sydney without seeing Sydney Harbour Bridge, The Rocks and Bondi Beach.
Sydney Harbour If you’re more of a water baby than a land lover then hop on one of the many Sydney Harbour cruises. Inside its narrow heads are over 250 kilometres of bays, coves and beaches waiting to be explored.
The Rocks Ghost Tour The Rocks Ghost Tour will take you on a two-hour lantern-lit walking ghost tour of the historic Rocks area in Sydney. It’s not for the faint hearted as you will be told stories of murder, suicides, hangings and ghosts. Ooooooh.
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CHECK THIS OUT - SYDNEY BYO Restaurants
By Alex McIntyre & Sarah Wilk
Bar Reggio
135 Crown Street, Darlinghurst
Oh to be cheap. All throughout the world university students, travellers, anyone in their twenties, anyone at all really, has the desire for enjoyment at the smallest price possible. You could be on a date in the fresh laundry you did at your mums house to save pennies, you could have spent the entire day forgetting to eat because of a download torrent spree and realise you have $15 and a hankering for some exquisite cuisine, or you could just be good at trying out new flavours. We’ve been there, done it, and spilled it down our t-shirt, so take a look at our top BYO restaurants in Sydney.
Newtown Thai Anywhere on King St, Newtown Pretty much any Thai restaurant in Newtown is going to be cheap, cheerful and BYO. Grab a six-pack and a friend, or a cleanskin and a date (or a six pack and a date if you’ve bagged a winner) and pick a place. Newtown Thai 1 or 2, or Thai La-Ong all on King Street are great for a quick, fresh, and inexpensive meal. Our personal favourite however is the neon orange sign of Five Star Thaitanic; their grill style of food adds a great flavour to all of the food, there is 30% off the menu until 6pm, and if you don’t BYO the beers are about $5. All you need to do in Newtown though is take a stroll down King Street, pick any of the restaurants available on any block and have a great eat with your own alcohol.
Dumpling and Noodle House 1/165 Victoria St, Potts Point This is the absolute hole in the wall secret of all Kings Cross dwellers. The restaurant is tiny, the menu is set to exactly what it sounds like, but for $10 you can get 10 dumplings steamed, fried or boiled, noodles, vegetables and you can drink whatever you want in there for no cost. We have legitimately witnessed two men sitting with a bottle of Jack Daniels chowing and drinking their bourbon neat out of plastic cups. The food is absolutely delicious regardless of the BYO rule, you may have to wait for a seat but the turnover is pretty quick and it is worth the wait if you have a bunch of friends willing to dumpling themselves out before a night on the town.
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Both Crown and Stanley Street are beautiful hotspots for cheap Italian eateries, favourites include Bill and Tony’s simple and cheap filling pastas and No Name’s secret upstairs chicken parma and pasta specials, but the most popular by far is Bar Reggio. For a big group of people this is really affordable with a great atmosphere, and the fact that you can bring as much wine as you want helps. The outside courtyard is lovely to sit out in, or for a cosier, louder atmosphere the tightly packed interior is perfect. You can share really good pizzas, fresh pastas and salads or go all out and get the most expensive item on the menu; a lush steak for $22 no extra charge for sides and sauces.
Don Dons 80 Oxford st, Darlinghurst The least guilty guilty pleasure on Oxford Street, Don Don’s Japanese is a local hotspot that hasn’t changed a bit since they opened eons ago. BYO anything to match with fantastic fresh and authentic Japanese cuisine for around $10 per dish, and a serving size which can only be described as pants popping generous. You usually have to write your name on a piece of paper at the door and wait outside for a couple of minutes because it is a small and very popular place. The service can be a little patchy but my goodness it is delicious, wholesome and so easy to sit and chat with whoever you’re with due to the unpretentious atmosphere of the place.
Sultans Table 179 Enmore Rd, Enmore If you like the spice of life then book yourself in for some mezze plates and belly dancing spectaculars. Popular for birthdays this BYO joint has fantastic energy, a loud crowd and a menu fit for a feast, but not too complicated which between any more than 3 people is as cheap as chips. During the day it is an extremely busy take away shop where the kebabs are big, meaty and full of goodness. The courtyard is the best spot to sit and smoke a shisha with coffee after a filling spread and laugh with the waiters.
Sydney’s Supreme Sandwich Shops… We’ve done some more eating for you this month and sampled the best sandwiches in all of Sydney, from Darlinghurst, to Bondi, Woolloomooloo and back, we’re now about to pop, so if you’ve got a penchant for top notch sarnies take a stroll to any of these sandwich shops.
1. South Dowling Sandwiches 377 South Dowling Street, Darlinghurst 2. Colliers Sandwich Company 87-91 Cathedral Street, Woolloomooloo 3. Milestones Cafe 207 Kent Street, Sydney CBD 4. I’m Starvin! 2 Bridge Street, Sydney CBD 5. North Bondi Sandwich Cafe 39 Campbell Parade, North Bondi
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CHECK THIS OUT - MELBOURNE Cafe/Bars Can’t decide whether you’re up for chilling in a café or partying the night away. Here we’ve picked our favourite café come late bars/clubs to hang out in, so go and check them out for yourself. Lucky Coq - Ask anyone on Chapel St where is good for tasty treats and the quirkily named Lucky Coq will roll of many a tongue. A large pub like café, which serves one of the finest pizza selections in Melbourne and effortlessly transforms into a trendy club before your eyes. Not to mention the international superstars that spin their discs come nightfall. Black Cat - The Black Cat is beyond description. The Brunswick St hub has been at the heart of the Melbourne social scene for some 23 years and is THE place to be seen - yet, despite its status it manages to hold its own without pretence but solely with warmth! The Workshop - Forged from wrought iron, crafted with angular timbers, moulded by stunning design and nurtured by Melbourne’s cultural vibrancy, the Workshop is, without any doubt, one of Melbourne’s most diverse spaces. A cafe, bar, gallery, gig venue and club all in one, it caters for all your needs in one fell swoop.
Day trips from Melbourne Get away for a day on ad adventure around Melbourne… Phillip Island - Though you may strike it lucky and spot a penguin or two at sunset on St Kilda Pier, nothing will beat Phillip Island’s pretty penguins aplenty. Great Ocean Road - The world’s longest war memorial is located along the Victoria Coast. Built by ex-servicemen, the Great Ocean Road makes for a wonderful day out with sunset at the Twelve Apostles a must! Dandenongs - Just to the East of Melbourne lie the Dandenongs. Technically an outer suburb, the area boasts amazing views, lovely walks and cafe breaks. Yarra Valley - With Australia now a leading light of the wine world, the Yarra Valley is a perfect way to sample some of the country’s finest tipples. Daylesford - This lovely Victorian country town is known for its spas and its artwork, and has also recently been crowned the gay holiday centre of Victoria. Definitely worth a visit.
E-Fifty Five - St Kilda’s E-Fifty Five is undoubtedly one of the funkiest internet cafes you will find. Far from being a collection of grubby old pc’s and stale cakes, it offers gourmet delights at a good price.
Melbourne Music Week
Deli, Brunswick St - While it may not be Brunswick St’s cheapest establishment, Deli is certainly one of the most delicious destinations. From small treats to tasty meals, the ever-changing menu means every day turns up a new taste.
Cheap Eats Looking for a good delicious bite to eat but don’t want to spend your week’s wages in one go, check out the good, tasty cheap eats we’ve tried and tested for you. Journal, Flinders Lane - If you find yourself in the CBD and looking for a light lunch, Journal is the place to head. With soups, bruschettas and light bites on offer there is something for everyone. Brunetti’s - While it may be best known for its sweet treats, Brunetti’s has a surprisingly large selection of sandwiches to tempt those taste buds. Just make sure you leave enough room for dessert afterwards! Glick’s - Nothing beats a good bagel break and Glick’s easily take the crown for Melbourne’s best. With 3 cafes dotted around the city, Glick’s is low cost good food.
By Jeremy Williams
Melbourne Music Week will be kicking off once more, from the 18th – 26th November.
CBD Lane Ways Loose yourself in Melbourne’s Lane Ways… Central Laneway - With cafes carved into basements, Central is always abuzz. Each basement boasts its own flavour and there are tantalising treats at each step you take. Degraves - Located practically opposite Central, Degraves is a world away from its boho neighbour. Boasting larger restaurants and cafes, this is THE place to breakfast. AC DC Lane - Named after one of Australia’s finest musical exports, AC DC Lane is the place for upcoming bands to get their promo shots done. So head on down and strike a pose!
Melbourne has long been hailed as the Creative Capital of Australia, with budding artists and musicians heading there in their droves. Not only is Melbourne culturally diverse, but it’s also jam packed full of venues and was recently voted the best city in the world to live in by The Economist. Can you think of anywhere better to have a week full of music? We don’t think so. There will be no less than 170 acts over the 9-day festival in over 40 different locations around the city. Acts include Cut Copy, Midnight Juggernauts, DJ Krush, Electric Smile Band, Canyons, The Gaslamp Killer and Primitive Calculators. As well as the bands we all know and love, Melbourne Music Week will be providing a platform for emerging young musicians and bands by giving them the chance to record at a recording studio. Their music will be mixed, mastered, pressed and packaged to be a free, limited-edition CD and launched just 24 hours later.
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GOSSIP Celebrity Hot Couples Of The Month
Celebrities Say The Dumbest Things It’s proves most celebrities, really do need to think before they open their mouths, especially when the world is looking at them. Now we better end there, we don’t want to start talking about the Jessica Simpson tuna/chicken fiasco again. Most of us know that from time to time we can all say dumb things, well imagine those poor celebrities who get attention to every word they say. Our selection of stupid celebrity quotes only go to show that they can say that they not only sometimes say stupid shit, but some are actually full on dumb.
We do love a bit of match making here at BBM Towers, so we thought we’d pair up a few celebs and give them a push in the right direction and hope they come to their senses and start bumping uglies immediately.
Cher Lloyd: “I’m a rebel, not a diva.” We think she got a wee bit confused, she’s not a rebel nor a diva, but simply a cocky teenage twat, who’s clearly a little bit big for those boots. Quit the E-numbers love.
Rihanna: “I was saying it like it was nothing, like, ‘Hey c**t’.” The Bajan songstress recently told British Vogue, that she had no idea that c**t was a bad word. Bad, meaning one of the most offensive words in the English language. Guess that c*** will know better for next time.
Mickey Rourke & Jocelyn Wildenstein
They say that people are attracted to partners with similar features, so we think these two would be a match made in heaven. They could melt plastic onto their faces until their prosthetic hearts content. Plus they’d make a few psychiatrists very rich with all their body dismorphia issues.
Jodie “Michelin Man” Marsh: “ I turned down Usher.” It’s easy to turn down a date from Usher, especially when you have no choice but to wake up because your alarm’s going off, must have been one good dream. We highly doubt that Usher would like to get his freak on with a beefed up Wotsit somehow.
Hilary (up the) Duff: “I lost my tooth...eating a bagel.” When she says tooth, she really means one of her
Andrew Lloyd Webber & Jodie Marsh
horse shaped veneers. The star grabbed a bite of a bagel just before her wedding day, only to find herself spitting out a tooth...nice. Clearly someone hasn’t got the knack for baking just yet.
Seeing as he looks like Toad of Toad Hall and Jodie Marsh is adept at dying her hair like a badgers arse, we think these two should join forces and recreate humanoid versions of these Wind in the Willows characters.
Rob Kardashian: “You can learn from our show.” Responding to Michelle Obama’s recent statement of
not allowing her kids to watch the Kardashian’s show, Rob (the ugly brother) says their show can be seen as an education. Well, an education in shopping, shopping, clubbing, shopping and generally not contributing to the world on any moral basis. Exactly what you want the president’s kids to watch.
Russell Brand & Lindsay Lohan
Christina (sl)Aguilera: “So where’s Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” We’re guessing the hair bleach has gone to her head, either that or someone needs to get her to put the pies down and pick up an Atlas. Or simply shout “wake the fuck up!” Either or.
We’re fed up of Russell since he married Katy Perry, we think he should go back to his fun old days and start partying with jailbird Lindsay. It certainly would make for some fun paparazzi images of the two of them stumbling out of clubs arse over tit. Come on Russell, you know you’re bored of being old and sensible.
Britney Spears: “I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time.” We all know she’s a bit crazy, but this is insane. We think she needs another sit down talk about life and death, either that or Papa Spears is doping Brit Brit up to the eyelids.
Chris Brown & Rebecca Black
Kate Winslet: “I realised we might die, then thought ‘Now what do I do?’ so I ran into the bedroom and put on a bra.” It’s probably not everyone’s instant thought when posed with run or burn. Talking about her recent trip to Richard Branson’s now burnt down house, Winslet stated that as the accident happened, she ran to put on a bra. Not the best idea when confronted with death, but at least her tits were getting proper support as she fled for her life.
Both are famous for having no discernable talent and are intensely irritating, pretty much a match made in heaven. They could even record earcringing music together!
Jason Orange & Catherine Tate
Kirsten Dunst: “People who don’t have depression are weird.” We wouldn’t say weird, we’d be more
She could make him laugh and he could croon away to her, despite the clear difference that Jason’s hot and she’s not. Oh wait, this is a real couple, we’re baffled, but sources have informed us that Jason may perhaps bat for both teams so maybe he’s using her as a beard…would make sense.
inclined to say that maybe they’re happy. Just saying.
And what list of stupid celebrity saying’s wouldn’t be complete without an appearance from everyone’s favourite dumb blonde, Paris Hilton: “What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff?” Says it all really.
By Fanny Frangipane Richard Gadsby
Hung Like a Donkey
Fight To The Death For Match of The Day
FUNNY NEWS
Which is better? Watching Sky Sports or Harry Hill’s TV Burp? There’s only one way to find out. Fight! Sadly for Lloyd Sinclair, not only did he lose out in the fight with his wife to watch football instead of Harry Hill – he was also stabbed to death in the process. Poor old Lloyd was settling in to watch the match when his missus, Leonora, demanded to watch half-an-hour of Hill taking the piss out Emmerdale characters. A fight ensued and Leonora proved victorious after grabbing a kitchen knife, stabbing Lloyd in the leg and severing an artery. Leonora, from Enfield, said in court that her husband had flipped out first because he wanted to watch football. Sinclair, who had been married twice before, denied stabbing her husband, claiming he must have stabbed himself by accident when he got her in a headlock. She said, “I didn’t stab Lloyd. I did everything possible to save my husband’s life. I treated my husband with respect and dignity. I loved my husband.” Which might sound slightly more credible if Lloyd hadn’t been 73-years-old at the time while she’s 50. Add the fact that she had viciously attacked him before, once breaking his arm when she pushed him down the stairs, and we’re starting to get a picture of poor old Lloyd’s life of football-less misery. BBM has often imagined what it would be like in a world where X-Men were real.
Dental nurse Leonora was cleared of murder but found guilty of manslaughter after a 2½-week trial. On the plus side, we bet none of the other lags ask her for the remote control when she’s watching TV in prison.
It’s not that we’re interested in blokes with metal claws or the ability to read minds, we’ve just always dreamed of sleeping with that blue bint who can change shape into anyone she sees. One minute you’ve got Beyonce riding you, the next you’re taking Shakira from behind, then your firing your warm spray onto Katy Perry’s tits. Marvellous.
In fairness, BBM knows how he feels. Sometimes we’ll see an ass and will do whatever’s necessary to shag it. Arf! Although currently behind bars awaiting a mental examination, we’re sure it’s only a matter of time until a man with the power to bend magnetic fields to his will, while wearing a hat that looks like a bell-end breaks Moyo out of jail.
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To give you some background, Vince is seen as the Lib Dem champion of bashing tax dodgers. He hates ‘em. Two years ago, he declared, “The evidence of systematic tax avoidance by rich individuals and UK-based companies strikes a particularly ugly note in these straitened times.” During campaigning for last year’s election, Cable also attacked “billionaire taxdodgers” who had undue influence on the government and “have the effrontery to tell us how to vote and how to run our tax policies.” Well guess what Mr Goody-goody tax return man has been done for? He’s been fined £500 by customs after he admitted failing to pay up to £25,000 of outstanding VAT. “I made no attempt to avoid tax - in fact I made every effort to pay what was outstanding as soon as it became clear I was liable for VAT,” he said. “I approached HMRC unprompted. The tax was paid in full and the matter closed within four weeks. It’s a bit embarrassing that this wasn’t spotted earlier.” Ahh, so it’s Customs fault for not finding out about the missing money earlier. That makes much more sense than Vince just didn’t want to hand £25,000 over to the tax department. How silly of us.
Angry Boys A sad bastard schoolboy with more time on his hands than friends has built a real-life version of the annoyingly popular Angry Birds app. Using a compressed air cannon, 12-year-old farmboy Sam Beards flings the pumpkin-sculpted birds up to a half-a-kilometre at 500mph towards some handcrafted pigs. A triumph of ingenuity? Or a future case of self-harming? We’ll let you decide. “It’s great fun, and beats the internet version by a mile,” said Beards. “Depending on the size of the pumpkin, we can get them to fly 500 metres.” Sadly, the invention is expected to add at least 10 years to the age Sam is expected to lose his virginity. Still, he lives on a farm so there’s plenty of other animals for him to take his ‘frustration’ out of. And by frustration we mean cock.
Well a man in Zimbabwe got a twisted glimpse of BBM’s perverted fantasy after claiming that a prostitute he slept with transformed into a donkey in the night. BBM has been accused of sleeping with some right old hounds before, and we’ve even dated a couple of fat cows, but shagging a mule is a new one on us. Unsurprisingly, the locals are a bit dubious. They think he just slept with a donkey. “I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey,” Sunday Moyo told a court after being charged with bestiality. Moyo said he had paid $25 for a prostitute, and was surprised Sunday morning when he heard people accusing him of having sex with a donkey.
By David Mahoney
Good Vibrations A US airport security agent probably thought he’d get little more than a few giggles after leaving a cheeky note with the words “Get your freak on girl” next to a vibrator he found in some luggage.
Cut the Cable Taking the moral high ground is always a risky business. Thankfully, the stringent recruiting protocols at BBM Towers ensure that no one with even a sniff of morality is allowed to work here. With us, it’s no-brow humour and sick, sick jokes all day every day. If only Britain’s Business Secretary Vince Cable had taken a leaf out of our book, not only would the UK be a far smuttier place to live, but poor old Vince would also have avoided an embarrassing tax scandal.
Unfortunately for him, the female traveller in question was Jill Filipovic – an expert in feminism who had just flown back to New York from Dublin, where she had given a talk about feminism, sexual assault and abortion at Trinity College. Filipovic tweeted a picture of the note. Under the image, she added: “Just unpacked my suitcase and found this note from TSA (US Transportation Security Administration). Guess they discovered a ‘personal item’ in my bag. Wow.” The employee in question is now facing disciplinary action and has been removed from luggage check. If only Sid James were on the case. He’d probably make some quip about ‘not getting many of them for the pound’ and end up shagging her. Because that’s what all these feminists are really after, right girls!
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The Look
GET SOCIAL
This summer’s hottest beauty trend is just about as creative as it gets. Crazy mismatching nails are the must have accessory for summer. Think mismatching shades of pastels, neons, spots, stripes and quite frankly whatever takes your fancy and you’ve hit the nail on the head. Talk with your hands and express yourself through your nail polish. You might not have the steadiest hand when it comes to nail art, but if you’re feeling brave then head down to your nearest nail parlour with a few designs and they’re sure to indulge your hands in some statement nails. If you want to give it a go yourself then invest in a couple of thin brushes so you can draw your own patterns. Take it trible, take it pop art, or just simply mix and match simple colours to achieve this subtle, yet eye-catching look. Here are what some of BBM’s loyal readers have been doodling on their hands.
Competitions WIN 1 x Double Pass to the Subsonic Weekender 2011. You and a friend could be on your way to one of the best camping festivals of the year. All you need to do to win is go to our Facebook page and tell us why you should win WIN 1 x Double Pass to Golden Cage 2nd Birthday @ The Metro Sydney - To get your hands on the Golden Tickets all you need to do is either post a message on our Facebook page or send us an email telling us the name of your favourite Golden item, the most creative answer will win. WIN 5 x Double Passes to Happy Endings Comedy Club Kings X. You and a mate could be having
a barrel of laughs at this quirky cool comedy club in Kings X. For your chance to win either post a message on our Facebook wall or send us an email with your favourite joke. The winners jokes will be published on the BBMLive.com jokes page WIN 1 of 5 copies of the new Beach Clubbing Pacific album courtesy of our Friends at Defected Records. For your chance to win a download copy you’ll need to sign up to our weekly newsletter or send us an email to competitions@what-media.com with your name, email and mobile. Winners will be notified in the 30th November Newsletter WIN 1 of 3 copies of the new Deetron Balance Album. For your chance to win a hard copy you’ll need to sign up to our weekly newsletter or send us an email to competitions@what-media.com with your name, email and mobile. Winners will be notified in the 30th November Newsletter
Patterns were big this summer, from clashing animal prints with florals, stripes, checks and fruit motifs, here’s a couple of our favourite outfits sent in by our readers.
To WIN SCAN this QR code with your smart phone to visit our facebook page or http://www.facebook.com/BBMMagazine Email entries should be sent to competitions@what-media.com
For a chance to make it into our trendsetter images, post your coolest outfits on our facebook page or email your pics to info@what-media.com.
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Happy 2nd Birthday Golden Cage Golden Cage’s Second Birthday will be a night to remember, with heaps of deep house and techno, you’ll be raving all night. Starting off at Le Panic, Golden Cage wreaked the best type of havoc at Church of Techno, bringing names like Desyn Masiello & Anthony Pappa, Smash TV, Shonky, Ahmet Sendil; not to mention joining forces with another successful Sydney party Shrug for a truly memorable night with Sasha Le Monnier. Headlining the night will be Carl Craig, creative visionary behind the label Planet E Communications, which in addition to his own work has given way to names like Kevin Sanderson and Moodyman. With Sydney as part of his Planet E world tour, he will certainly give you something to remember. Joining him is duo Octave One. Comprising of brothers Lenny and Lawrence Burden. The two have captivated audiences with their live performances over two decades, with their breathtaking show earlier this year at the Hyde Park Barracks. Rarely on the same billing as Craig, it will make the night even more special. But wait, there is more! A rising star who has taken the deep house genre to a new level, John Roberts will be spinning some tunes on the decks. Out of Ohio, but now based in Berlin, he is the man behind the critically acclaimed “Glass Eights”, a debut album that mixed electronics with older instrument sounds, creating a delicate captivating warmth that he will bring to Sydney for the first time. And last but not least, one of Sydney’s own rising stars Claire Morgan will be present to turn her hands to the tables. Accustomed to playing alongside big international names, she will lay down the perfect foundation for a night to remember.
The side room will be hosting shining local stars, CO-OP Djs, Carlos Zarate & Sam Roberts, YokoO, Matt Weir & Kerry Wallace, Dave Stuart and Garth Linton. With this much quality music, you got to have the right venue! Somewhere that will give the crowd room to move, where the sound can be tweaked perfectly, allowing the performers to do what they do best, with the sound exactly where it needs to be: spot on. On December 17th, the Metro will be the place to be. To win a double pass for the hottest birthday party of the year, log on to our Facebook page and tell us why you should win. Bring your party hats; this will be the best birthday bash of the year.
Carl Craig Since the release of his first track in 1989, Carl Craig has become a creative visionary, an electronic music icon, an esteemed Grammy-nominated composer, a world-class DJ and an ambassador for his native Detroit. The 41-year-old producer has cultivated a unique path as an artist and entrepreneur, guided by his tendency toward forward thinking. In 1991 Craig launched his second record label Planet E with the groundbreaking EP “4 Jazz Funk Classics.” Still running strong, Planet E will turn 20 in October 2011. “Versus” is one of his boldest endeavours to date, which Craig describes as “a fantastic eye opening experience,” which has given him “a new way of thinking about music.” Craig’s interest in collaboration continually grows. Aside from “Versus” he also performs in the trio Shape alongside Von Oswald and Tristano. His performances add some variety in a non-stop DJ schedule that finds him spinning at top clubs worldwide. Outside of his Planet E recordings, Craig also continues to be one of the most sought-after remixers in the world. Fortunately there is no shortage of artists looking for that Carl Craig touch, so rest assured you’ll hear Craig reconfiguring many of your favourite artists for years to come.
The brothers have released groundbreaking dance anthems on their own Detroit based record label, 430 West Records. They have also remixed tracks for such artists as Massive Attack, Akabu (Joey Negro), DJ Rolando (Jaguar), Steve Bug, John Thomas, Aril Brikha, Vince Watson, The Trampps, Rhythm is Rhythm, and Inner City. 2000 brought the most recognised Octave One release to date, “Blackwater”. The massive hit has appeared on over 30 compilation albums worldwide (with sales exceeding one million collectively). It has been released in multiple countries. The track has also been a classic on the decks of some of the world’s best known DJs, Little Louie Vega, Danny Teneglia, Jeff Mills, Richie Hawtin, Kevin Saunderson, Derrick May, Jonathan Peters, Laurent Garnier, among others. Late 2006 brought the release of the first full length DVD/CD project from the group, Octave One featuring Random Noise Generation “Off The Grid”, released in cooperation with Tresor Records/Germany. 2009 saw the release of the band’s first studio album in 3 years, “Summers on Jupiter” released in cooperation with P-vine/Japan. 2011 welcomes the release of the Octave One retrospective compilation “Revisited: Here, There, and Beyond”. Marking 20 years of living the Techno life, “Here, There, and Beyond” features classics reworked by some of the band’s favorite producers. Both the album and tour are to be released in November 2011. One more milestone in the journey of one of Techno’s most exciting bands.
Claire Morgan Claire is a vinyl junkie and music-maker who has spent the last 10 years gigging her way up and down the eastern seaboard of Australia. Kicking off in Brisbane, she earned her stripes in the DJ booths of Family, Press Club, Empire, No.12 and Monastery, scored a coveted spot on the famous Triple J Mixup and then headed south to the big smoke of Sydney.
No one else can pull it all together quite like Carl Craig. The fact is, unpredictability is the only predictable thing about Craig and his music.
Heading south again to Melbourne in search of new parties to shake up, she found her musical home at Tramp, Revolver, Killing Time, Haul Music parties and Blow Your Own Way.
Octave One
Now back in Sydney, Claire gigs between the three cities, taking her unique mix of house, disco, funk, acid and techno to clubs, boats, beaches and outdoor festivals.
Techno is a family affair. With brothers Lenny and Lawerence Burden (with revolving members Lynell, Lorne, and Lance Burden), Octave One have had the privilege of bringing their high-energy shows to man parts of the world. Billed as one of Techno’s most exciting bands, they arrived onto the electronic scene with “I Believe”, featured on the monumental compilation “Techno 2: The Next Generation” in 1990.
To date, she has supported some of the biggest names on the planet, including Derrick May, Aril Brikha, Joris Voorn, Sven Vath, Audion, DBX and Mathew Jonson. Outside of DJ-ing she composes music for film and television and has written everything from ambient electronic music through to orchestral scores.
Head’s Up! Inxec (UK) will be playing at Paved Way’s Secret Warehouse Party on Saturday 12th November, at a Central Sydney location. Playing alongside him are, Crosstown Rebels, Culprit, Robbie Lowe, Mitch Crosher, Jake Hough, Robbie Cordukes, Jaded, James Petrou, Matt Weir, Kerry Wallace. Tickets are $25, 10pm till late. BBM Live caught up for a chat with Inxec ahead of his visit to Oz. Here’s a teaser of the interview. As an innovator in house and techno how do you think the scene has developed in sound and public perception over the years? In my opinion it goes through fads as does most things in life, not just music. Its a product which as with any product has to be reinvented to keep selling and attracting consumer attention. The public are always divided as always some like it and some of us even love it! but then others hate it. Its choice, people have different tastes and I cant really say I focus too much on what people are thinking. Right now for instance the whole striped back vocal house with those plunky basses and deep chords and catchy arpeggios is massive! Theres a big buzz out there and its probably attracting a lot more new ears that would of shunned “dance” music before this. But on the flip I recently went to a night at a big london club to see two of the leading acts right now but it was full of over tanned, ear jewelled, people who where there simply because it was where to be. Eergh it still gives me nightmares.
Read the rest of the interview with INXEC at www.bbmlive.com
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Kick off your festive festival season in style with Subsonic this December. Just three hours from Sydney, you’ll transcend into an epic bass riddled utopia.
Considering your scientific background where do you stand on software vs hardware for the production of your music, do you have a preference?
Held in the Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort, Subsonic is a festival with a difference, priding itself on being a tad more luxurious than its festival peers. With hot showers, a chilled out bar and set in the idyllic campgrounds by the Karuah River, it’s the perfect environment to lose yourself in three days of beats and bass.
I’d love to own some hardware, it can give an amazing full sound, but it’s expensive and hard to house, I’m still only using software at the moment. As with most things, how you use the tools is more important than the tools themselves.
Dedicating itself to deep space electronic music, Subsonic 2011 will no doubt send even the festival-goers with a slight penchant for electronic music into a realm of ecstasy with their bevy of international artists, as well as some fantastic homegrown talent to keep you hyped. Dropping in to Subsonic 2011 will be Jurassic 5’s Chali 2na, Max Cooper, Phil Keiran, Thankyou City and Dubmarine, to name a mere handful. To win a double pass for Subsonic 2011 visit our facebook page and tell us why you should be the lucky devil to party the weekend away.
www.facebook.com/BBMMagazine
INTERVIEWS: Max Cooper
Your music has a strong visual presence and you have a lot of fans who produce their own videos to accompany your tracks. Is the visual interpretation of your songs important to you? Definitely, I think visuals can hugely enhance the message of a track and vice versa. And it’s great when I see peoples own interpretations of my tracks with their videos, I can’t thank them enough for putting in the time and effort to do that.
How do your DJ sets differ from your live sets and which is more enjoyable to perform? Generally the one I have done less in recent weeks will be the one I most enjoy, variety is important. My DJ sets are more wide ranging musically, and more varied, whereas my live sets are constrained to my tracks only, although I do like to use some remixes of my tracks by other people as well, that gives me a bit more musical width which can be really useful in putting together a more complete set. Apart from that, both types of set can differ a lot, from ambient deep melodic warblings to noisy distorted club bangers, it depends on the event.
You have included two remixes on your new EP, ‘Amalgamations’, what do you consider when choosing a song to remix? I’ll listen to the original track right through and see if anything jumps out and grabs me - It can be something quite small, a short melodic or percussive element or vocal snippet, or maybe the whole track just fits with my mood at the time. One way or another, for remixes I don’t have to force, I can hear something in there I want to work with.
Your new single ‘Speak of the Devil’ sounds like a great summer-time track, what were your influences behind it? Speak of the Devil came about after we had been writing for a few months and realised that we had a lot of cool songs but there wasn’t an upbeat playful track on the record yet. We sat down and Speak of the Devil just fell out of us, the majority of the song was written in one sitting. I think these are usually some of the best songs, the ones that almost write themselves. We started writing the lyrics (a rare thing for us) and once we were happy went round and reworked them with lyrical maestro Urthboy. All we needed now was the right voice. Enter Chaos Emerald, a young Sydney Artist who had enough energy to power a small country.
Are you looking forward to your upcoming tour? Indeed we are. It’s been a while since our last tour and we’ve got a whole bunch of new tunes that we want to road test!
Are you looking forward to Subsonic Festival? Who will you be wanting to catch whilst you’re there? We had a mad time last year at Subsonic. It’s a killer festival in a great location. We’ll be checking out Charlie 2na, Thandmentals, Spoonbill, Resin Dogs and I’m sure a bunch more.
How will you be ringing in the New Year? We’ll be down at Pyramid Rock Festival this year eating Gustos birthday cake and getting loose. By Hannah Shakir Read the full interview online at www.bbmlive.com
Thankyou City
You have produced some very abstract electronica in the past, as well as the more traditional dance-floor techno; are there any genres that you would like to explore in the future? I’ve been pilfering ideas from pretty much every electronic genre I can get my hands on, but I think it’s the combination of modern classical and electronica that inspires me the most these days.
Is there anyone you would like to collaborate with down the line? Loads of people - Helios, Jon Hopkins, Max Richter, Philip Glass, Autechre, Ochre, Boards of Canada, SBTRK, Apparat, Amon Tobin, Underworld, Alva Noto, Tim Hecker, Ben Frost, Bjork, Radiohead…haha ok I’m getting silly now, but you did ask. By Stuart Matson
Techno sensation Max Cooper speaks to us ahead of the release of his ‘Amalgamations’ EP.
Hermitude
Having made a name for themselves on the Melbourne underground scene, Thankyou City will be pumping the bass and beats at Subsonic this year. We caught up with Brent and Scott Mirams to find out what they’ve been up to and find out a little bit more about these musical brothers.
Max made a name for himself in 2009, with the breakthrough ‘Series’ trilogy, a collection of songs inspired by his studies as a genetic researcher. Max’s subsequent rise in profile, as one of the UK’s brightest emerging DJs, has now enabled him to side-line the genetic research and pursue music full-time.
When did the two of you form Thankyou City and what inspired you to start the project?
With over 50 original releases, tracks and remixes to his name, his live sets are now in high demand across the globe, from Australia to Sweden, with the producer set to clock up a fair few miles touring in November alone.
Scotty and I have always been into making music since we were young and then just started sharing ideas together and it kinda just fell into place to from there. We were having fun so we kept doing it. We were originally named Continuum for a few years until another band in Brisbane had the same name and tried to take us to court…it got kinda ugly so we changed our name to Thankyou City about 18 months ago.
Hello Max, you’ve been busy finishing off a new EP and November looks to be just as hectic with live shows all over the place; from Ireland to Australia. How are you enjoying your music at the moment?
You’ve already enjoyed releases on Chameleon Recordings, Subsonic Music, Pinksilver and Iboga Records in 2011, are there any releases planned for 2012?
I’m really enjoying the travelling and gigs, but I suspect I’ll be pretty broken by the end of the year!
There are a few in the pipeline for 2012, another release with those lovely lads at Subsonic and one with Open Records at this point.
You’ve been making music for a while now, but your assent to the DJ-ing big league was quite a rapid process. What prompted you to shift the focus away from genetic research and towards your music back in 2009?
The Subsonic Music Festival at which you performed in 2010 inspired your debut track on Subsonic Music, titled Barrington Tops. You’re playing again at this year’s festival, any chance a new song might come out of this experience?
I had spent a year after my PhD putting together research proposals and new ideas so that I could pursue my own work, but the funding didn’t come through, so I turned to music as an alternative that would also provide the creative and work freedom that I wanted.
Some of your earlier tracks were inspired by scientific and mathematical concepts, would you say that the old day job as a research scientist has influenced you in your music?
Maybe, Subsonic is definitely one of the best festivals we have ever been a part of so I’m sure if we have a good time some inspired ideas will come through.
Who are you excited to see at this year’s festival?
It has influenced my music in a lot of ways, mainly through the simple techniques for exploring the possibilities of a complex system (like experimentation and trial and error) and the self-belief needed to push something long enough to make it work.
Having known each other since they were teenagers, Hermitude started off in the Blue Mountains. Now with a few albums under their belt, the Hip Hop stylings of Hermitude are out there. Playing at this year’s Subsonic, we caught up with Luke Dubs and El Gusto for a quick chat.
How would you describe the creative process when you sit down to write a song?
You’ve moved from Hip Hop sound to a more electronic sound these days, what’s the reason behind this?
It varies from track to track, but generally I’ll have a firm idea, be it musical, conceptual, or emotional (or a combination of those) for what I want the new piece to sound like before I’ve started working on it. It’s all about sticking as closely as possible to the pure initial idea so as to represent it as clearly as possible, musically, in the hope the message can be heard by the listeners. The translation process from intangible idea to tangible music to listener response is highly imprecise so maximum clarity in the first stage is needed. After sticking to that it’s just about experimentation to find what music best fits my initial idea.
Our music is constantly evolving and the same goes for the equipment we use to write. We’ve written this latest album in our own studio in Sydney with a fairly different setup (we’re surrounded by synths!). We’ve noticed the effect of this new studio on our sounds compared to our previous records.
Really excited to see Channel X, Egbert and the Solead Boys.
What other gigs do you have lined up in the coming months? Got a few, we are doing Shine On Festival and Strawberry Field’s which were awesome last year and the For the Love party in December, which donates all their proceeds to charity.
What does Thankyou City mean to you? It’s an outlet for us to express ourselves and have a great time…that’s it. We don’t want to take it too seriously and ruin the fun, if people like it then, great… that’s awesome. By Subsonic Music’s Casey Van Reyk Read the full interview online at www.bbmlive.com
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MUSIC NEWS Snoop Dogg
Since the release of his 1993 debut album Doggystyle, Snoop Dogg, aka Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr., has become one of the most innovative forces in modern music. As a rapper, producer, actor, entrepreneur and, these days, a gardener, he’s frequently regarded as one of the most multi-faceted personas in hip-hop. After becoming widely known for frequent guest spots on the releases of his mentor and fellow rapper Dr. Dre, along with the success of his aforementioned debut, Snoop enjoyed a meteoric rise to fame. A string of top 10 hits ensued, including the likes of ‘Gin and Juice’ and ‘Who Am I?’.
critically acclaimed first album ‘A Book Like This’ peaking at No.6 in the Aria charts which led to four years of international touring and several further releases including the ‘Just A Boy’ EP. 2010 saw the pair establish themselves as the band of the moment with their second feature length offering, ‘Down the Way’ topping the Australian charts as well as picking them up three ARIA awards including album of the year and single of the year for ‘Big Jet Plane’. This year saw more of the same with ‘Big Jet Plane’ wining song of the year as well as the pair receiving the songwriter of the year award at the 2011 APRA awards. Don’t miss Angus & Julia Stone at The Peats Ridge Sustainable Arts and Music Festival, 29th December -1st January 2012. By Mike Kenna
Crystal Castles
Anyone who has seen Crystal Castles live will know what we mean when we use the word ‘chaos’ to describe a performance by the Canadian two-piece. Crystal Castles’ style cannot really be put in words because it is so unique. Certainly the early material is influenced by rave and electronic music, but it almost always has an angry punk underlining to it, largely thanks to glass’s in-yer-face delivery.
Released in 2010, the duo’s second album – confusingly also called Crystal Castles – builds on the raw, aggressive sound created on the debut, but also adds slightly more structure and melody to proceedings, making an altogether more manageable listen. CC’s music is best summed up by journalist Will Creeley; “Crystal Castles makes electronic music that sounds like dial-up modems making out.” Fairly unique genre that one... Catch Crystal Castles at Field Day on New Years Day.
By Anthony Cody
The Flaming Lips
One of the most adventurous and original bands of their time, 3 time Grammy award winners, The Flaming Lips have been wowing alternative audiences for over 20 years. Formed in Oklahoma City in 1983 the experimental psychedelic five-piece have undergone many changes in both musical direction and line-up. Making their first US top 40 hit with 1993s rock-ditty She don’t use Jelly. The band’s real leap to iconic success came with 1999’s The Soft Bulletin seeing the band breaking musical boundaries with its unique blend of instruments and style. Their journey in this direction continued to see them received further critical praise with albums such as fan-favourite; Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots and 2006’s At War With The Mystics. In 2010, the band also recorded their own version of Pink Floyd’s infamous Dark Side Of The Moon with guest appearances from Black Flag’s Henry Rollins and Peaches. With one of the most interesting stories in rock history as well as a healthy back catalogue of 13 studio albums and a list of other adventurous musical releases and endeavours as long as your arm, The Lips don’t look like they’ll be stopping anytime soon as 2011 has seen several more EP releases and tours. You can catch The Flaming Lips live at this year’s Harvest Festival, November 2011. By Mike Kenna
Angus and Julia Stone
Originating from Newport, New South Wales, Sydney. Musical siblings, Angus and Julia have enjoyed massive success in both Australia and around the globe. Formed in early 2006 The duo’s strong acoustic-folk influence and tasteful, less-is-more song writing approach had them wasting no time achieving commercial success, their
By Robin Lewis
Following on from last year’s Top 3 smash ‘Let the Sun shine’, Tinie Tempah’s partner-in-rhyme, Labrinth, releases his new single, Earthquake. After supporting slots on Tinie Tempah’s global hits ‘Pass Out’ and ‘Frisky’, it’s Tinie’s time to play second fiddle on Labrinth’s latest as the two combine well on this bass crunching, floor filler of a track. Hyperactive electronic bleeps, seemingly ripped straight from treasured Super Nintendo games of yesteryear, lead us into a fist pumping, hook laden chorus, as Labrinth’ aggressively ‘Predicts an Earthquake’. The track is instant and will have you humming the chorus long before Tinie picks things up in the second verse. Simply put, it’s a bona fide, money in the bank, guaranteed hit. This track can only be described as the soundtrack to an apocalypse in a dance tent, the sort of song that has a special effects budget and a lung crushing, primal roar of bass that drives the track into a wild drum step frenzy. It’s not for the faint hearted, you have been warned. By James Stapleton
Azealia Banks – 212
Don’t listen to Crystal Castles’ debut album – Crystal Castles (2008) - with a headache or a hangover. On its first listening it might overpower you with its crazy keyboards and irregular rhythms, but stick with it and you’ll soon understand why the NME gave it the ‘Best Debut Album of the Year’ award.
Stand out tracks are the eponymous ‘Perfect Darkness’, ‘Who Says’ and ‘Honesty’. Fink has used ‘Perfect Darkness’ to continue refining his signature sound. From the opening chords, you know it’s him and when there’s nothing that needs to change, why should he? You’ll press play as soon as it finishes.
Labrinth & Tinie Tempah Earthquake
Snoop, like so many of the key figures in modern hip-hop, has had his fair share of controversies in recent times. These, however, pale into insignificance when compared to Snoop’s illustrious career and his insurmountable contribution to the development and popularisation of rap music.
Catch Snoop Dogg at Shore Thing on Bondi Beach this New Years Eve. By Alex Cull
Lyrically, he is adept as ever “Who knows, just how long, it’s supposed to last / ‘cause I’m new to London with my fresh face pressed up against the glass” he wonders on ‘Foot In The Door’, while on the title track he intones that “Perfect memories all down like ashes / From the fire we made love / and everything we gotta say / we save it.”
Single Reviews
Subsequent collaborations with Pharrell Williams of N*E*R*D in the form of ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’ and ‘Beautiful’ have only served to raise his profile further.
With an artist as diverse and talented as Snoop, it’s always advisable to be prepared for the unexpected, and on stage this is as true as ever.
techniques; sly doubling up of vocals, a hint of extra bass, a distant kick drum, it all adds up to create an incredibly immersive experience.
If you’re a fan of electro and a crazy beat then Azealia Bank’s 212 is a track for you. Her cheeky rap pours robotically over an infectious drumbeat and the 20-year-old from Harlem certainly isn’t afraid to use a rather offensive yet tongue in cheek vocabulary, so make sure you maybe don’t play this one in the office. A guaranteed club pleaser 212 keeps it pace til the bridge where Azealia finally shows off her vocal prowess before climbing back to a hyperactive anthemic rap. Before you know it, you’ll definitely be learning all the words whether you like it or not, with the synth bouncing up and down, 212 is just straight up addictive from the moment you hear it. 2011 may have been female vocalist Dev’s chance to shine, but with Azealia Banks already having a plethora of versatile tracks firmly under her belt, we’d say 2012 is going to be big for her. By Fanny Frangipane
MGMT - Late Night Tales
Jamiroquai, Snow Patrol, Groove Armada, the Flaming Lips, - just a handful of the vast, diverse array of artists that have been approached to create a Late Night Tales compilation over it’s 10 year existence. Step forward psychedelic alt. dance rockers-MGMT, who were asked to curate the series’ latest release. The band stay true to form here, with a collection of material that walks hand in hand with their psychedelic roots. First track Disco Inferno ‘Can’t see through it’, sending us on a journey that can only be described as a ‘trip’ through the mind of MGMT. The first 8 tracks provide us with ‘LSD pop’ at its very finest, a sublime, surreal mixture of retro 60/70’s vocals and guitars with a more modern chill-out vibe. It is only Charlie Feathers’ ‘Mounds of Clay’,a surprising slice of Louisville-esque country ‘with a twist’, which breaks things up before we trancend back into the Alice in Wonderland dreamscape which sees us through to the album’s traditional spoken conclusion. MGMT chip in as well with a cover of the Bauhaus’ ‘All we ever wanted was everything’, which serves as one of the albums’ highlights. 25 releases strong, this regularly acclaimed series is showing no signs of waning, with the addition of MGMT somewhat of a masterstroke. Not for everyone, but for fans of Another Night/Late Night Tales, the selection is a stand out soundtrack for those looking for a superbly weighted mix with the most laidback of vibes. By James Stapleton
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans
Having tempted us with her infectious single ‘Video Games’ 2011’s Newest Pin-Up Lana Del Rey is back with the second release from her same titled album ‘Blue Jeans’. Lana Del Rey has burst onto the scene in a manner not seen since Adele. The 24-year-old vintage flavoured temptress with the looks of Brigette Bardot and a hypnotic voice to match, became an internet sensation with the release of ‘Video Games’ on Youtube, and with Blue Jeans she presents us with what is arguably a better song. Blue Jeans starts slow, with a plodding bass line and Del Rey’s already distinctive crooning leads into a chorus that you feel like you’ve heard before; before building into a frantic resolution. She has come across a mesmerising formula for songs; when she sings “I will love you till the end of time”, you believe it, and you want it to be true. This girl has got a big future ahead of her.
Album Reviews
By Robin Lewis
Fink – Perfect Darkness
Ever since Fin Greenall decided to move back to the acoustic guitar, he’s managed to captivate all those who hear him. Mixing a solid grounding in song writing with a voice that slips you into assuring ease, Fink creates music that even if you haven’t ever heard it before, by the end you’re treating it like an old friend. Fink has followed up 2009’s ‘Sort of Revolution’ by continuing down a similar path with ‘Perfect Darkness’, yet incorporating a more filled out sound that wraps around your head like a duvet. As with his previous efforts, there’s much to be admired in his subtle production
Faker – How Did We Not Get Loved
Six months ago, Sydneysiders Nic and Nathan of Faker finished recording the album Get Loved but like true artists, their work was never complete, something was missing, so they acquired two new band mates (Chris and Liam) and got straight back to recording. They conjured up an impressive three new songs in a week which when amalgamated with the older songs to become the prequel EP How Did We Not Get Loved. It opens up with Bad Feeling which delves lyrically into the darker side of relationships and the sorrow of lost love, this sets the scene about what avenue the boys have gone down and gives you a rough idea of what to expect on the following tracks. The lead single in the EP is Hearts to Break which combines electro synth-pop with a guitar driven bass to give it an aura of the 80’s. It’s slightly Bowie-esque and has added hints of Talking Heads, which transports you back to the good old days when Bieber wasn’t born and synth-pop had all the cool kids popping and locking in the disco. Faker spin the EP title’s question back round to you with the track How Did You Not Get Love. It’s a relatively monotone track with a personable theme that is highly thought provoking. Dangerous is the last track that has had a little helping hand, being remixed by the legendary CSS. The tempo picks up throughout this track with house-style keyboard, which is much needed after the emotional tracks before it. How Did We Not Get Loved is six tracks that are steady and subtle but still manage to gain momentum in all the right places. The crossover of musical styles combines to make a distinct sound that produces some powerful tracks. Why they decided to shuffle around all the songs at that climatic stage of production will be understood better when their original recording Get Loved is released as an explanatory album in the near future. Catch Faker on tour in November throughout Australia. By Sarah Wilk
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INTERVIEWS:
MAN LIKE ME What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
What are you listening to at the moment?
J: I opened my computer straight away, and saw that Steve Jobs had died which was a bit of a shock, and I kind of thought, you know, the question really should be would I be making music if it wasn’t for him –I can’t really play an instrument or anything but everything I’ve ever written has been on macs.
J: Van Morrison
How’s the tour been going because you’ve been playing quite a lot recently, haven’t you?
J: A lot of Drum n Bass, One Nation. Where are your influences from? J: Across the board we’ve always played any type of music, not just one genre.
What’s a regular day for you?
J: We were out in Croatia, doing a festival there. Ikea had said they needed a band for an advert and we went down to this thing that I thought it was like, ‘you got the job’, but there was loads of people and we had to go in and perform it in like an X-Factor, judges style. It was just like ‘what are we doing, what have we put ourselves up for?’ We just kind of went in, and we were so nervous we couldn’t do the song: they had to send us out of the room. They brought us back in, and we did it pretty terribly I thought, but three days later they were sending us out to do the advert so it was pretty good really.
What did you get up to over summer? J: We just played loads and loads of festivals, kind of every weekend we were jumping in the car, to other countries. Which was your favourite one? J: We had a really wicked one in Portugal, it was amazing. They do things a bit differently, not better, just more chilled out, a lot more relaxing than being in a field.
Hi Johnny, how are you?
What did you listen to growing up?
J: It’s been good, we haven’t really done the sort of, intensive, every single day, first thing, last thing for a couple of weeks but I’m kind of looking forward to it, just kind of takes your mind off regular life, you know, get on the road basically.
J: Depends. I’ve got a day job I’ve had since I was about 15, and if I’m not doing that then I’m away or doing a gig.
North London duo Johnny Langer and Peter Duffy make up the infectious and varied sounds of Man Like Me. Having met at school and bonded over a mutual love of weed and Tricky, the pair have since brought us singles such as London Town, Carny and Lovestruck – not to mention giving Ikea a hand on their advert with 80′s singer Jona Lewie with ‘You will always find me in the kitchen at parties.’ They’re back with their new single Peculiar which is typical Man Like Me stuff with their 80’s sounding vocals and rhythmic explosion of beats. We recently gave Johnny a bell whilst he was out shopping for an outfit for a gig to find out what Man Like Me have been up to.
How did the IKEA kitchen song collaboration come about?
So you were happy with the end result? J: Yeah, it wasn’t too bad, I thought, and it was a really good gig too, really fun. Ok Johnny, It’s time for the quick fire round of questions, they’re a bit silly, because we’re a bit silly.
Have you got any plans to go abroad again soon?
J: Okay
J: We’re playing in Venice in two or three weeks, it’s definitely the highlight, going abroad.
What colour is Monday?
Have you got any plans to go to Australia? J: Not at the moment, but it’s always somewhere I’d like to play. We’ve done America, Europe and South Africa, but we’ve never been over that way. But Australia and Japan are kind of the two places I want to get to. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened whilst on the road? J: Oh fuck. I really can’t think. Loads of things, but my mind’s a blank. You always include an element of humour in your music, why is that?
J: Blue Do you play Golf? J: No If your house was on fire what would you save? J: Mum Have you ever fallen in a ditch? J: No, but Pete did. It was quite funny.
J: I’m very well, how are you?
J: I don’t know, I didn’t really sort of pre-plan it; it just kind of comes out. I think it’s important that it doesn’t get too serious.
I’m alright thanks.
Is the humour a reflection of yourself?
J: Charity shop – I got locked in when I was shopping.
So are you looking forward to tonight’s gig?
J: Yeah, I suppose it must be. I don’t even try and think about it too much – I don’t really think about what comes out, I wake up that day, and whatever comes out, it’s a reflection of yourself. If you’re, doing really well, and you’re enjoying your love life then nothing really comes out but when it all goes to shit that’s when the juices start flowing.
What’s the best thing you can cook?
J: Um, yeah. It’s a bit stressful, sorting out your own one, changing things a little bit. Bit like throwing your own party. Stressful?
By Hannah Shakir
Where’s the weirdest place you’ve woken up?
J: Cereal Where are you? J: In a charity shop, actually. Trying to find some clothes for tonight.
J: A little bit
BASTILLE
By James Stapleton
Fresh off the back of their critically acclaimed debut single ‘Flaws’, the innovative, infectiously alternative ‘Bastille’ return with their latest E.P. ‘Laura Palmer.’ We decided to catch up with lead singer-songwriter Dan Smith to discuss festival highlights, international busking, French Revolution, classic 90’s covers and the inspiration behind their latest release.
Did anyone think you were deluxe buskers and throw a few coins your way?
Welcome to BBM, how the devil are you?
Back to the band, where did the name come from?
I’m good thanks. Just having a couple of days off in the midst of our tour.
My Birthday is on the same day as Bastille Day, which is a French public holiday. It’s named after a prison in Paris that was stormed during the French Revolution. Anyway, when I was hunting for a band name (harder than you might think), one of my mates suggested it and it just seemed to fit.
It’s been a rather busy year for you guys, how was the summer festival circuit? It was really fun getting to play at so many festivals, big and small. I’ve been along to Glastonbury and Bestival for the last few years, but it was great getting to go and play at festivals that we probably wouldn’t normally choose to go to. It also meant that we got to see loads of the bands that we love, play live every weekend. Any random stories? Kyle, who plays keyboards, got kicked out of Glastonbury (luckily after we’d played our gigs). That was a high point as you can probably imagine. We also played at Glade Festival, which was a bit mad, seeing as it’s a pretty full on dance festival - and we obviously don’t make dance music, and obviously everybody there was a bit chemically enhanced. One girl, who was wandering around the tent we played in, walked face-first into a pole and floored herself during one of our songs. What’s the best thing a fan has ever given you? Well I know they’re not technically presents or anything, but being sent cover versions of my songs by people on youtube is always pretty awesome. It’s interesting to see some people’s interpretations of the songs, but also obviously massively flattering that they like them enough to take the time to learn them. You recently had a gig in the St. Pancras International terminal, how was it? Surprisingly good actually. We weren’t all that sure what to think about playing in the middle of a huge train station at rush hour, but we had a good enough crowd, and quite a few people were singing along to the songs which made the situation both less …and also a lot more weird.
Someone did actually try and throw some money our way during the sound check. We hadn’t left a cap out though, and I don’t think it was that much money, otherwise we’d have probably taken up busking by now.
The BBM office loved your first release ‘Flaws’, what can we expect from your upcoming sophomore record? Thanks, I’m really glad you like it. In my mind, the new EP is pretty different from Flaws and I guess it shows a broader picture of the band and what our album will be like. I found it really hard to decide what song to release as a follow up to Flaws, so we compromised and picked 4 of the songs that we like the most. I think the EP is a bit darker in sound than Flaws was, lots of piano, different kinds of beats. Again, it’s a mix of real and live instruments. I hope people like it. The new E.P. is called Laura Palmer, would that be a by any chance a cheeky reference to the infamous Twin Peaks character? If not, then who is Laura Palmer? It’s not a cheeky reference, it’s a full-on, all out, direct reference to her. I’m a bit obsessed with David Lynch and Twin Peaks especially. I was watching a lot of it when I wrote the song and so it became loosely based on the character, or at least elements of her. How’s the album coming along? When can we expect it? The album is going well thanks. I’ve been working on it over the last year so I just can’t wait for a chance to finish it off properly and get it out. It should hopefully be out at some point in the first half of next year. In an age of duets and artists crossovers on singles, who would be your ideal collaboration/most like to work with? Janelle Monae.
Which up and coming bands are really standing out for you at the moment? Some friends of mine are in a (biases aside) brilliant band called To Kill A King. They are an incredible live band to see. I also really want to know what’s going on with Jai Paul. His song BTSTU is awesome and I want to hear something, anything else by him. Which song do you wish you had written and why? Man, that’s a difficult question. Off the top of my head, I wish I’d written “Hope there’s someone” by Anthony and the Johnsons. It is haunting and beautiful. But I definitely wouldn’t be able to pull it off without his voice. Maybe ‘Only living boy in New York’ by Simon and Garfunkel? Speaking of which we saw your cover of one hit wonders City High ‘What would you do’. Have you got any more plans for any rethinks of 90’s classics? Nah, sadly we don’t have plans to mine away at any more 90s hits at the moment, I reckon one is probably more than enough for now. I have recorded a full-on, produced-up Bastille version of the track, which was a lot of fun. It should be up online pretty soon. Will you come and do a ‘live lounge’ session in the BBM office? We’d absolutely love to.
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By Ella Delancey
Festivals on the Horizon Festival season is upon us people. Here we’ve gathered them all together so you can get planning on your festival schedule and get the most out of your summer.
Harvest Festival
The Gathering, otherwise known as Harvest Festival is fast approaching and is set to be one of the best festivals of 2011.
When: Melbourne: Sat 12th November Sydney: Sun 13th November Brisbane: Sat 19th November Price: $150 http://www.harvestfestival.com.au/
Stereosonic
Australia’s fastest growing festival. Known as ‘Australia’s electronic music festival’, the line-up spans trance, dubstep, house, techno and electronica.
When: November 26th Where: Sydney Showground, Sydney When: November 27th Where: Claremont Showgrounds, Perth When: December 3rd Where: Melbourne Showgrounds, Melbourne When: December 3rd Where: Bonython Park, Adelaide When: December 4th Where: RNA Showgrounds Price: $145.95
Breakfest
Breakfest is a tradition. Held every Boxing Day in the same exquisite surrounds since day one; Belvoir Amphitheatre. Perth’s only locally produced and internationally acclaimed event, Breakfest never changes.
When: December 26th Where: Belvoir Amphitheatre and Parklands, Perth Price: $80
http://www.inthemix.com.au/whatson/perth/ event/67576/Breakfest_2011
Shore Thing
Shore Thing is an unrivalled music event and has quickly become legendary, with thousands of people spending their night at iconic Bondi Beach. With beautiful views and a sea breeze, there’s no better place to bring in the New Year.
When: 31st December Where: Bondi Beach Pavillion, Sydney Price: Standard ticket $138 http://fuzzy.com.au/coming-up/250/info
http://stereosonic.com.au/
The Falls Festival
Shine On 2011
A festival of music, arts, camping, dancing and more. A selection of sounds and culture from across the globe and across the country join together in the Australian countryside to celebrate summer!
When: November 18th Where: Pyrenees Ranges Price: $145 www.shineonfestival.com.au
Subsonic
Subsonic returns for another weekend of exceptional electronic, roots and soulful music in the gorgeous surrounds of Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort.
When: December 2nd Where: Riverwood Downs Mountain Valley Resort Price: $150
Falls is the perfect way to unwind at the end of the year, catch up with friends and make some new ones. With both artists and campers alike, coming from all over Australia and the rest of the world, there is always something new to enjoy and discover.
When: December 28th Where: Lorne Price: $216 www.fallsfestival.com.au
www.subsonicmusic.com.au
Summerdayze 2011
Featuring the world’s most sought after artists and sounds, Summadayze is guaranteed to be the biggest and brightest festival this summer.
When: December 31st Where: Rymill Park, Adelaide When: January 1 st Where: Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne When: January 3rd Where: Sir James Mitchell Park Price: $151 http://www.futureentertainment.com.au/summadayze/
Space Ibiza Festival
Cutting edge music and state of the art production transport you to something different than you’ve experienced at a festival before. Breathtaking dancers and visuals come together to excite your senses.
When: January 1st Where: Moore Park, Sydney Price: $126.50
Strawberry Fields
Make new friends, lose your sanity, find it again and experience all that life has to offer.
When: November 25th Where: Secret Location, Perth www.strawberryfieldsfestival.co.uk
Homebake
Sydney will once again come alive with the sound of music, film, laughs and more with the much anticipated return of Homebake after having had a short break in 2010.
When: December 3rd Where: The Domain, Sydney Price: $102 www.homebake.com
Peats Ridge Festival
http://spaceibizafestival.com.au/
World class in entertainment, experience and education, Peats Ridge is recognised as one of the world’s leading sustainable events, the Festival is a winner of numerous national and international awards for environmental sustainability.
When: December 29th Where: Peats Ridge Sustainable Arts & Music Festival Glenworth Valley, Sydney Price: $335 www.peatsridgefestival.com.au
High Flyers Little Secret
Forshore 2011
One of the country’s best music festivals. It’s pulled off some impressive line-ups in its short history, but there’s little doubt this year’s list of international acts is the biggest yet.
When: November 26th Where: Parliamentary Triangle Price: $199.95
www.foreshorefestival.com.au/foreshore-2011
Summer Rhythm 2011
The countdown is on for Summer Rhythm 2011, the capital’s favourite not-for-profit festival, with four stages featuring over 75 bands and DJs across three days.
When: December 9th Where: Bushland surround Goolabri Golf Course Price: $150
Mission To Launch 2011
For the first time ever, Mission To Launch is bringing the party of the year to the nation’s capital for an outdoor NYE celebration in Weston Park!
When: December 31st Where: Weston Park Price: $130
Get ready for High Flyers Little Secret, Nothing succeeds like success and after last NYD’s Warehouse event at Sun Studios, the DigDeep team are bringing it back to you for NYD 2012 by reopening Sun Studios again with over five areas of quality House, live Funk & Soul, old school Hip-Hop and Nu Disco. You can expect to see CRAZY P, DJ Maestro and The Owl , amongst a 40 strong line up.
When: 3pm-1am, Sunday 1st January 2012 Where: Sun Studio – 42 Maddox Street, Alexandria Price: First Release $59.00+BF Second Release $69.00+BF Final Release $79.00+BF www.digdeeppromotions.com
http://missiontolaunch.com.au/
www.strangehours.com.au
Field Day 2012
Field Day, synonymous with New Year’s Day for young Sydneysiders is back to throw down its 12th serving of the very best in indie, dance and incredibly good times.
When: January 1st, 2012 Where: The Domain, Sydney Price: $135 www.fielddaynyd.com.au
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TRAVEL
Short Breaks From Sydney Spring is here in Sydney, and everybody’s feeling the urge to escape from the daily humdrum of routine as the days get warmer. If the sun is beckoning you out of Sydney and into the suburbs, and ideas of a suitable place to retreat to escapes you, don’t add to your stress. We’ve found a few getaways that just might tickle your fancy. Whether you prefer an adrenaline rush a day, a weekend relaxing in Palm Beach, a scenic road trip or a boozy weekend with your mates, we’ve bounced around the outskirts of Sydney to find you the best breaks that offer endless possibilities. If several of your mates are on the same wavelength, and need to take a few chill days away, why not gather them together for a five day group escape up the Hawkesbury River? Jump in the car for the hourlong trip to Brooklyn, where you will find a multitude of boat hire companies waiting to hand you your chosen vessel, but make sure you book in advance. The helm of a houseboat is under your control after a couple of hours training, granting you the freedom to explore the flourishing scenic waterway as you please. Anchor it in one of the hundreds of peaceful coves or near a small sandy beach for a spot of swimming or fishing. Then secure your boat for the night, and fire up your gas BBQ for late evening dinner and drinks on-board! National parks and small river communities occupy the rivers banks, so it is necessary to step a-shore during your trip to experience the thriving wildlife and at the odd waterfront restaurant. If the adventure you crave is a little more heart racing, clear your head in the high altitude of the Blue Mountains. The local town, Katoomba, is in reach by means of a two-hour train journey from Sydney Central Station, or an hour and a half’s drive. There you will find a substantial population of backpackers mixed amongst the residents of the town, and the option of enjoying your stay in one of the thriving hostels or pleasant hotels available, or if you’re feeling flash, why not book a cabin. During the day you can get lost amongst the eucalyptus trees that cover this mountainous region by indulging in the many activities on offer, including: abseiling, rock climbing, horse-riding, mountain biking, fishing, walking, caving, and canoeing. Four-wheel drive tours provide an exciting expedition to experience the stunning natural habitat of the Blue Mountains, especially if the activities of the day have forced your legs to give up! Get up to Echo point to view the most spectacular landmark the Blue Mountains have to offer, a grand 3000 feet above sea level! The Three Sisters is a rock formation that, in Aboriginal legend, are three sisters from the Katoomba Tribe who were turned to stone in the midst of a tribal battle. They might be there from that old erosion process, but we prefer the elaborate story! Once you’ve experienced these dizzying heights, why not go deeper into the Blue Mountains by exploring the Jenolan Caves? In particular Lucas Cave - which is the most visited for its impressive stalagmites and stalactites and breathtaking sparkling crystal formations. And after a hard day of adrenaline pumping fun, retire to Katoomba for remedial drinking in one of the many pubs in the town. For those of you who want to relax in the sun without having to trek across the country, Palm Beach is the set for Home And Away and less than an hour away from Sydney by car. Perfect if your getaway is limited to couple of days. Lie on the beach with a book in the sun, and if you’re looking to completely unwind, book yourself into one of the nearby spas for some pampering. Alternatively, if lying around all day isn’t your cup of tea, there are a number of sporting clubs in Palm Beach, offering golf, sailing and surfing amongst other activities. The Surf Club is one of the biggest in New South Wales and whether you’re a beginner, or an expert, they cater for every level of experience. Have your own set of wheels? Make a driving playlist, and take a mini road trip south to Wollongong. It boasts many appealing characteristics, such as no more than 17 beaches, a Nan Tien Buddhist Temple, the Five Islands Brewery, and the University of Wollongong. The educational values of this institution may not be of interest to you, but it does mean there are plenty of drinking establishments offering student drinks prices. The following morning, when you suffer the consequences of your over-zealous purchasing of alcohol, there are several quiet beaches that make perfect spots for nursing your hangover. If you are feeling a little better and spritely in the afternoon, get to North Beach for some ideal surfing waves. For another way to enjoy an alcoholic beverage, mainly beer, to be frank, the Five Islands Brewery brews theirs on the premises, which you can enjoy with a view of the beach from their veranda. At 12pm, you can take part in a free tour involving, yes, free samples! One of them in particular is a rather tasty alcoholic ginger beer. In all honesty, you’ll leave the establishment trashed, and will most probably be seeking the same beach cure mentioned earlier the next morning. If body cleansing is on the agenda, the Nan Tien Buddhist Temple can be visited for a two-day meditation retreat. But, lets be realistic, body intoxication induces possibilities to create a far more eventful memory to reminisce about, especially once you reluctantly slide back into normality. By Alexandra MacLeod
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TRAVEL - NEW ZEALAND & FIJI
NZ
Things to do SKYDIVING Skydive Lake Wanaka Ltd 14, Mustang Lane Wanaka Airport State Highway 6 Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com Nzone ‘The Ultimate Jump’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SkydivingNZ.com New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
RAFTING RANGITATA RAFTS Peel Forest RD20 South Canterbury, NZ Tel: + 64 3 696 3534 New Zealand Freephone: 0800 251 251 info@rafts.co.nz www.rafts.co.nz
JET BOATING Shotover Jet
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
Glacier Guiding Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, NZ Ph: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
Going to Fiji?
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
Beachcomber Island Resort Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww.beachcomberfiji. com
Mad Dog RiverBoarding 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
Christchurch City Oasis 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Coker’s Backpackers 52 manchester Street, Christchurch, NZ Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS Bay Adventurer Backpackers & Apartments 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
Kaikoura Adelphi Lodge Main Street, Kaikoura, NZ Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
Nadi Bay Resort Hotel Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/
ACCOMMODATION
river boarding
Accommodation
The Uprising Beach Resort 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort.com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
Queenstown
auckland
Bungi Backpackers 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Southern Laughter Lodge 4 Isle Street, Queenstown, NZ Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Nomads Queenstown 5-11 Church Street, Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
Nomads Auckland 16-20 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
Franz Josef Glacier
Nomads Capital 118 Wakefield Street, Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night.
Chateau Franz 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz Glow Worm Cottages 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier, NZ Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
Nomads Fat Camel 38 Fort Street, Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad.
wellington
Nadi Bay Downtown Backpackers Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj
The Beachouse Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com
MUST DO Skydiving
Skydive Fiji 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj
Smugglers Cove Beach Resort & Hotel P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove.com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
Scuba Diving
Subsurface Fiji Adventure Diving and Watersports Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts, Fiji Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
Robinson Crusoe Island Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji.com
Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
AUSTRALIA - THINGS TO DO A J HACKET BUNGY JUMPING McGregor Road, Smithfield, QLD 4878 Tel:+61 (0)7 4057 7188 Freecall Number1800 622 888 (Aust only) cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS Daintree Rainforest Cape Tribulation Tropical Northern Queensland Booking essential Tel: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS Tel:07 4946 6848 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au PRODIVE CAIRNS 116 Spence Street Cairns QLD 4870 Tel:(07) 4031 5255 www.prodivecairns.com
OZ BALL GOLD COAST Go Zorbing with Oz Ball. Tel: +61 (0) 7 55476300 team@ozball.com.au www.ozball.com.au JET SKI SAFARIS Birth 56, Jetty Sea, Mariners Cove, Waterways, QLD Tel: 07 5526 3111 Mob: 0409 754 538 info@jetskisafaris.com.au www.jetskisafaris.com.au PARADISE JET BOATING Jetty ‘C’ Mariners Cove Marina, Seaworld Drive, Main Beach Qld 4217 Tel: 1300 JET BOAT (1300 538 262) thrills@paradisejetboating.com.au www.paradisejetboating.com.au
KITE REPUBLIC Kite Surfing St Kilda Seabaths, T4, 10-18 Jacka Boulevard, St Kilda, VIC, 3182 Tel:0418 583 233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au MINISTRY OF PAINTBALLING L4, 362 Kent St Sydney NSW 2000 Tel:1800 646 478 (02) 9262 2362 www.ministryofpaintball.com
BRIDGE CLIMB SYDNEY Tel:(02) 8274 7777 www.bridgeclimb.com
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY Tel: 0433 254 438 www.skydivecoffs.com.au
SKYRAIL RAINFOREST CABLEWAY Cairns, QLD Tel: + 61 7 4038 1555 reservations@skyrail.com.au www.skyrail.com.au
BIG NIGHT OUT IN SURFERS PARADISE Every Wednesday and Saturday Night www.GoldCoastBackpackers.net
OUTBACK BALOONING Balooning tours Tel:1800 809 790 +61 (0)8 8952 8723 sales@outbackballooning.com.au www.outbackballooning.com.au
TEMPTATION SAILING & DOLPHIN SWIM Marina PierHoldfast Shores Marina GLENELG SA 5045 Tel: 0412 811 838 Fax: (08) 8353 0750 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au
RNR WHITE WATER RAFTING Cairns, Queenland Tel: (0740419444 Fax: (07) 4041 9499 reservations@raft.com.au www.raft.com.au
Whale Watching in Sydney It’s that time of year again, when the hump back whales enjoy a dip and a splash along the coasts of Australia. Having swam up north to warmer climates to give birth, between August – December the whales head back down south, swimming close to the surface and at a slower pace with their calves, making it prime time for whale watching in Sydney. If you want to go whale watching in Sydney, heading out from Darling Harbour or Sydney Harbour there are a number of whale watching tours you can embark upon. Not only will you get fantastic panoramic views of Sydney’s harbour, as you pass under the imposing steel girders of the Harbour Bridge, but it’s a great opportunity to take in the splendour of the surrounding areas of Sydney. As you leave Sydney’s shores you can get a glimpse of Manly off in the distance, and the enchanting tropical vista of the Botanical Gardens juxtaposed with the urban sky scrapers of Sydney, it make for a great photo opportunity - not to mention getting a great eyeful of the Sydney Opera House in all its architectural glory. Taking a step back from the city you feel the waters getting choppier as you take that tentative move out past the harbour and into the great blue abyss before you, leaving civilization as a distant memory. Keeping your eyes peeled at all times and scanning the waters, it’s a group effort on the whale watching boats, of course the crew members are a dab hand with their safari vision whilst out on the water, but you never know if you may be the one to catch the first glimpse of froth and a slither of blueish-black snaking out of the water as the Humpback Whales emerge. As soon as you see this, it’s game on, all eyes are transfixed following the whales every movement. The plume of water that sprays out of the blow hole is surprisingly loud against the dead calm of the sea, and the cutting of the boat engines, it’s all you can hear, and as close as you may want to get to the whales, boats have to stay 100 meters away from the whales so as not to disturb them. It’s common to spot mothers with their calves at this time of year, and if you’re lucky you may even spot a whole pod. Getting to see the Humpback Whales in their natural habitat is an experience that can really only be described as utterly magical. The sheer size of the 52-foot beasts will instantly humble you, and whilst they’re in town, it’d be rude not to go and pay them a visit. By Hannah Shakir
20 BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM BBMLIVE.COM
ACCOMMODATION AUSTRALIA New South Wales
Sydney
Sydney Backpackers 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) info@sydneybackpackers.com www.sydneybackpackers.com Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly Ph: (02) 9665 1214 office@clovellyhotel.com.au www.clovellyhotel.com.au Criterion Hotel 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 patk@criterianhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au Westend Backpackers 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Free: 1800 013 186 Ph: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm! Jolly Swagman Backpackers Hostel 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 Free: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au Bondi Backpackers 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Free: 1800 304 660 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au The Globe Backpackers 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 Free: 1800 806 384 Ph: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com City Resort Hostel 103-105 Palmer St Woolloomooloo, NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
The George Street Hotel 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Free: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au Bounce Sydney 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph (02) 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au Lord Wolseley Hotel 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: (02) 9600 1736 info@lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au Maze Backpackers 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 5115 Free: 1800 813 522 info@mazebackpackers.com www.mazebackpackers.com Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 9211 4454 info@porterhouse.com.au www.Porterhouse.com.au Big Hostel Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms. 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92816030 Free: 1800 212 244 reception@bighostel.com www.bighostel.com O’Malley’s Hotel 228 William Street, Kings Cross Sydney, NSW 2011 Ph: 02 9357 2211 admin@omalleyshotel.com.au www.omalleyshotel.com.au Sydney Central Hostel 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 Ph: (02) 9211 7323 stay@sydneycentralhostel.com.au www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au The Royal Hotel 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: (02) 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au Kanga House backpackers 141 Victoria Street, Kings Cross, Sydney Ph: (02) 9357 7897 www.KangaHouse.com.au
Sydney Northern Beaches Sydney Beachouse - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 mail@sydneybeachouse.com.au www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
Sydneys Southern Beaches Cronulla Beach YHA Level 1, 40 -42 Kingsway Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS Melaleuca Surfside Backpackers 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph: (02) 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au Hunter Valley Hunter Valley YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley, NSW Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
Katoomba Katoomba Mountain Backpackers Lodge 31 Lurline st Katoomba, NSW Ph: 04782 3933 stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au www.katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
Byron Bay Aquarius Backpackers 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 Ph: (02) 6685-7663 Free: 1800 028 909 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au Nomads Byron Bay 1 Lawson Lane, Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6680 7966 Free: 1800 766 673 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Arts Factory Lodge 1 Skinners Shoot Road, Byron Bay, NSW Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
Nambucca Heads Nambucca Backpackers 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 info@nambuccabackpackers.com.au www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
Lake Tabourie Lake Tabourie Tourist Park Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
Queensland Brisbane Tinbilly Travellers 466 George St, Brisbane City, Qld 4000 Ph: (07) 3238 5888 Free: 1800 44 66 46 reservations@tinbilly.com www.tinbilly.com Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad The Deck 117 Harcourt St, New Farm Brisbane QLD 4005 Ph: 0433 777 061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind. Minimum 2 week stay Base QLD Backpackers 308 Edward st Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3211 2433 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com BUNK 11-21 Gipps St, Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free: 1800 682 865 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Brisbane City YHA 392 Upper Roma St, Brisbane QLD 4000 Ph: (07) 3236 1004 brisbanecity@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au
Goldcoast Aquarius Backpackers 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Free:1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au
Surfers Paradise YHA at Main Beach Mariners Cove, 70 Seaworld Drive Main Beach, Surfers Paradise 4217 Ph: (07) 5571 1776 surfersparadise@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Backpackers in Paradise 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: (07) 5538 4344 Free: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com Surf N Sun Beachside Backpackers 3323 Surfers Paradise Blvd, Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, QLD 4217 Ph: (07) 5592 2363 Free: 1800 678 194 info@surfnsun-goldcoast.com www.surfnsun-goldcoast.com Trekkers Backpackers 22 White Street, Goldcoast, QLD, 4215 Ph: (07) 55915616 Free : 1800 100 004 info@trekkersbackpackers.com.au www.trekkersbackpackers.com.au Sleeping Inn Surfers 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 info@sleepinginn.com.au www.sleepinginn.com.au Coolangatta Sands Hostel Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets Coolangatta 4225 QLD Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au Surfers Paradise Backpackers Resort,2837 Gold Coast Highway, Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Free: 1800 282 800 spbr@bigpond.net.au www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
Noosa Nomads Noosa 44 Noosa Drive, Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com www.nomadsnoosa.com
Hervey Bay Nomads Hervey 408 The Esplanade, Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com www.nomadshervey.com
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton) Cool Bananas 2 Spring Road, 1770, Queensland, 4677 Ph: (07) 4974 7660 Free: 1800 227 660 wheeler_danny@hotmail.com www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 Southern Cross (Backpackers) 2694 Round Hill Rd Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 Beachside Backpackers 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water QLD 4677 Ph: 07 4974 7200 enquiries@1770beachsidebackpacker. com.au www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
Cairns Nomads Cairns 341 Lake Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Free: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com www.nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. Cairns Central YHA 20-26 McLeod Street, Cairns QLD 4870 Ph: (+617) 4051 0772 cairnscentral@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au Gilligans backpackers hotel & resort 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Ph: (07) 4041 6566 Free: 1800 556 995 reservations@gilligans.com.au www.gilligans.com.au Nomads Esplanade 93 The Esplanade, Cairns, QLD 4870 Ph: 07 4031 7477 Free: 1800 175 716 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com www.nomadshostels.com Dreamtime Travellers Rest 4 Terminus Street (corner of Bunda st.& Terminus st.) Cairns 4870 Queensland Ph: (07) 4031 6753 info@dreamtimehostel.com www.dreamtimehostel.com Globetrotters International 154-156 Lake st Cairns City QLD Free: 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au
Nomads Cairns Beach House 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 The Northern Greenhouse 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’s Backpackers 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Ph - (07) 4051 7642 Free- 1800 666 336 jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au www.jjsbackpackers.com
Mission Beach Absolute Backpackers 28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8317 Free: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au Scotty’s Beach House 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach, QLD, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
Whitsundays Barefoot Lodge Whitsunday Passage, Whitsundays, QLD Ph: +61 7 4946 9400 Free: 1800 075 125 longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
Airlie Beach Airlie Beach YHA 394 Shute Harbour Road Airlie Beach QLD Phone: (07) 4946 6312 Free:1800 247 251 airliebeach@yha.com.au www.yha.com.au MAGNUMS/Whitsunday Village Travel 366 Shute Harbour Rd, Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: (07) 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free: 1800 624 634 travel@magnums.com.au www.magnums.com.au
cape tribulation PK’s Jungle Village Cape Tribulation Road (PMB 7) Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com Ferntree Rainforest Lodge Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, QLD Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
rainbow beach Pippies Beach House Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco WhaleWatching for all!
Western Australia scarborough western beach lodge 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
COTTESLOE ocean beach backpackers cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com
Perth Rainbow Lodge 133 Summers St.Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au One World Backpackers 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au Mountway Holiday Apartments 36 Mount St,West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au Mad Cat Backpackers 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au www.madcatbackpackers.com.au
Britannia on William 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA Accommodation Jewell House 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au Underground Backpackers 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce, Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com Beatty Lodge 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au Billabong Resort 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au Globe Backpackers 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St, Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au The Old Swan Barracks 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
monkey mia Monkey Mia Dolphin Resort Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
Kununurra Kununurra Backpackers Adventure Centre 22 Nutwood Crescent, Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 or 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
broome Beaches of Broome 4 Sanctuary Road, Cable Beach, Broome, WA, 6725 Ph : 1300 881 031 bookings@beachesofbroome.com.au www.beachesofbroome.com.au
Victoria Mildura redcliffs hotel 25 Jacaranda St, Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
Halls Gap Brambuk Backpackers Hostel 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, VictoriaPh: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
Melbourne Easystay Motel and Studio Apartments Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 Melbourne Central YHA 562 Flinders St Melbourne 3000 Ph: (+613) 9621 2523 melbcentral@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Centrally located, close to public transport and major attractions. Free city circle tram on doorstep,24 hour reception, wifi and Skype available. Rooftop deck. Melbourne Metro YHA 78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (03) 9329 8599 melbmetro@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Winner of the Victorian Tourism Award for Best Backpacker Accommodation three years running! 24 hour reception. Exford Hotel 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au
Nomads Melbourne 196-198 A’Beckett Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Ph: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne! Back of Chapel 50 Green St, Windsor Prahran, Vic 3181 Ph: 03 9521 5338 www.backofchapel.com Nomads All Nations 2 Spencer Street, Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad Flinders Station Hotel Backpackers 35 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au The Spencer Backpackers 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). Melbourne International Backpackers 450 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au The Greenhouse Backpackers 228 Flinders Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au Hotel Discovery 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider Victoria Hall Accommodation 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au
St. Kilda Jackson Apartments 80 Ikerman St ,St Kilda Beach Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms Habitat HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
Apollo Bay Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au Eco Beach YHA Eco-Hostel 5 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay 3233 Ph: (+613) 5237 7899 apollobay@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Clean, quiet and relaxing Eco-Hostel. Cosy fire in winter. DVD’s available to borrow from reception.
Halls Gap Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel Corner Grampians and Buckler Roads Halls Gap 3381 Ph: (+613) 5356 4544 grampians@yhavic.org.au www.yha.com.au Eco accredited. Solar powered. Herb garden, free range chooks and friendly local kangaroos
Phillip island The Islander 10-12 Phillip Island Tourist Rd, Newhaven, 3925, Phillip Island, Victoria, Australia Ph: (03) 5956 6123 www.theislandaccommodation.com.au
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CRYSTAL BALLS Libra
I’d think twice before putting that up there. Unless you want a trip to the proctologist of course. Dirty bitch.
Taurus This week, you’ll be saved from a near-fatal shot to the head at point blank range by self-made billionaire Wilton Knight. Knight will give you a new identity (via plastic surgery) and a new name, Michael Knight. He will then ask you to be an agent in the pilot program of his Knight Industries-funded public justice organisation. This involves you getting a cool-looking black car with numerous features, the most notable of which is artificial intelligence, and an ability to talk in a slightly effeminate accent. It also has a cool red light that flashes and makes an intermittent ‘wurr-wurr!’ sound. You accept Wilton’s offer but, instead of becoming a champion for justice, you sell the car to a local drug dealer for your own bodyweight in pot. Bad choice Wilton.
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for the month…
Leo
Aries
You sleep with a woman who looks exactly like the “whore” one out of the Golden Girls. In the morning, you find out it actually is the whore one out of the Golden Girls. Turns out she’s not dead after all. However, she is 103 years old. Well done fella.
I sense love is in theair for you this week darling. You’ll meet this girl on Monday, take her for a drink on Tuesday and you’ll be making love by Wednesday... and on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I suspect you’ll chill on Sunday. I need more details. Can you fill me in? Bo!
Virgo
Virgo you liar! You’re not a virgin at all. In fact you’re riddled with disease down in the naughty parts you sexhungry demon of carnality. This month, your orgy-fuelled appetites reach new levels when you invite the cast of Cats round to your house and convince them to make love to wild jungle cats in your front room. Because nothing turns you on more than seeing men in leotards and make-up having their genitals mauled by panthers. Erotic!
Capricorn
We’re not sure how, but this week some financial experts discover that you’re the reason for the global financial crisis. It’s something to do with a library book you never returned when you were eight. Consequently, you owe the world bank approximately $160trillion. Failure to pay will see you face the Arabic tradition of death by a thousand castrations. On the plus side, your flatmate gives you back that tenner he owes you. It’s a start. At the very least, it will mean death by only 999 castrations.
Gemini
I’ll be honest, Gemini. I’ve got news from the future that could well save your life. But frankly, you’ve always weirded me out a bit with the twin thing with the star sign. What’s that all about?
Pisces
My hands are tied by a higher power so I can’t say too much about your future this month. All I’ll say is if you’re lucky, you’ll only have to stitch one testicle back on. I’ve already said too much.
Cancer
Pssst! I’ve always liked you best out of all the star signs Cancer. Don’t tell any of the others, but I saw five of the winning lotto numbers in my crystal ball for the start of December. Go out now and buy a shit load of tickets with the numbers 5, 17, 33, 42 and 46.
Sagittarius
Psst! I’ve just played a brilliant practical joke on Cancer. Check out what he’s up to. He’s such a gullible twat! By the way, I’d get that mole checked if I was you. Just saying.
Scorpio
Is your name James? If not, you’re in the wrong star sign mate. You wanna try Libra, he’ll point you in the right direction.
Aquarius
I’ve got one question for you. Scaramoosh, scaramoosh can you do the fandango? I expect an answer when the ball of fire weighs heavy in the sky. If not, the dark lord Jeremy Beadle will raise once again to torture us with his inane practical jokes and freaky tiny hand.
ASK CRYSTAL Dear Crystal,
It’s my boyfriend’s birthday next week, and I think he really could be the one, so I want to get him something extra special as a present. We’ve not been going out that long, but I think this could be something really great, and I want him to feel the same way. I know he’s into old western movies, cars and online poker. I’ve been wracking my brain but can’t think of anything that would combine all of them. Any suggestions would really help me out. Yours, Heather.
Dear Heather,
Cars, poker and westerns. Hmm. That is a tricky one, but I think I have the answer. Hire an escort girl and have sex with her in front of him. Then get him to join in. As an added bonus, why not suggest the three of you all watch John Wayne movies together once he’s shot his load. Do that and, trust me, he’ll be yours forever.
Dear Crystal
Please help me Crystal, it’s an emergency. My girlfriend’s pregnant and I’ve caught knob-rot off her best mate. I spend most of my nights getting pissed down the pub because I don’t want to face my life back home. I just can’t deal with it. I’m really at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do for the best. What do you think? Yours, Brad
Dear Brad,
I know this might be hard to accept but sometimes you’ve just got to be a man about these things and face them head on. Running away from your problems by going down the pub isn’t going to solve anything. No sir, you’re going to have to run a lot further away than that if you really want to leave your troubles behind which is where I come in. For a small fee, I can get you a new passport and a new life in the South American nation of your choice where the cares of loved ones will seem like a long forgotten bad dream. You know it makes sense Brad. Or should I say, Miguel?
JOKES I was in a club last night grinding with this girl for over an hour. Fuck knows why we both had pepper mills.
I was gonna give my change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said “ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU.”
Liz, Waterloo
Ann, Paddington
Alex, Darlinghurst
I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday. He had a Wigan address.
Think your life is bad? You could be an egg, they only get laid once, take 4 minutes to get hard, their dad is a cock and the only bird to ever sit on their face is their mum.
Gary, St Kilda
So apparently the drummer from Blur wants to be an MP. Yet another politician who wants to live in a house, a very big house in the country...
Bret, Bondi
Paddy and Mick were at the races. Paddy whispers to Mick “Do ye want the winner of the next race?” “Feck off”, said Paddy, “Me garden’s too small.”
George, Wollongong
So I held onto it, just in case he was right.
The government have advised people to watch out that they’re not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.
Crime in multi-storey car parks is wrong on so many different levels.
I think I’ll be alright though. My tickets for the men’s wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.
What’s slimy cold long and smells like pork
Derek, Richmond
Todd, Saint Ives
Kermit the frogs finger.
Liam, Surry Hills
I remember being told that every time you shave it off, it grows back thicker.
What did the left nut say to the right nut?
Can’t wait to see my new cock.
The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!
Henry, Fremantle
My son was coming down the stairs and I said to him “I’m not cleaning that up.” Will, Spring Hill
There’s no “I” in team but there are 5 in individual brilliance. Larry, Manly
I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. We had a lovely evening and, after she’d gone, my dad leaned over and said, “Son, I think this one’s a keeper.” “Awww dad, what makes you say that?” “She smells of elephant shit.”
Jamie, Glebe
Richard, Wollongong
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, “I wish that was Sharon Stone.” George echoed, “I wish it was Demi Moore.” Little Johnny sighed, “I wish it was dark . . . “
Greg, Christchurch
Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don’t look down. Michael, Balmoral
The thing about “your mum” jokes is that they’re all old and used up, like your mum.
Keiran, Kings Cross
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STOP PRESS: New English Language Tests for Student Visas from 5 November 2011. The Department of Immigration and Citizenship will accept English language test results from the following alternative tests to the International English Language Testing System (IELTS) for Student visa purposes taken in any country: •Test of English as a Foreign Language internet-based test (TOEFL iBT) •Pearson Test of English (PTE) Academic •Cambridge English: Advanced (CAE) test (also known as Certificate in Advanced English).
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SPORT
FOOTBALL NEWS
October was a bad month to be a shit former England manager living in the East Midlands. First Steve McClaren gets the chop at Forest, now lightbulbheaded Ulrika-shagger Sven-Goran Eriksson has been booted out of Leicester. Someone better warn Graham Taylor not to move to Derby or he’ll come down with piles. Sven was finally given the golden handshake and $50 worth of Ikea vouchers after “masterminding” the Foxes 3-0 home defeat to struggling Millwall at the end of October. Despite spending $18trillion bringing past-it Premier League players to the club on oil-tycoon wages (we’re looking at you Yakubu), Sven only managed to steer the club to mid-table mediocrity, with the side 13th in the Championship table when he left. “I have always thought, and still believe, that the club will be promoted this season,” said Mekon-lookalike Sven. “But football is a results industry and we couldn’t get things right enough.” Just for the record, Sven has failed to get it right for 11 years now – the last time he won a trophy was in 2000. “I want to say a huge thank you for your [the fans] support,” added Sven. “You are fantastic people and I will never forget the way you welcomed me into your club. I am just sorry that I won’t be on the bench the day you reach the Premier League.”
Richard Gadsby
Mohamed’s Moan Of the Month We all love a good old-fashioned war of words when it comes to the Premier League. And it’s even better when one of the parties involved in the spat is an Egyptian fruitloop club chairman who erects embarrassing statues of the King of Pop outside his team’s stadium. Apparently, Mohamed Al-Fayed’s latest gripe is with former Fulham manager Mark Hughes – who recently accused his old club of lacking ambition. “He insults the club, saying it lacks ambition, and the players who delivered an eighth position finish last season and a place in the Europa League,” blathered Al-Fayad. “He is not just disrespectful but entirely wrong. Fulham has just announced plans for a splendid new riverside stand that will substantially increase the capacity of Craven Cottage. “If people are looking for a flop, they only have to look no further than the man who has lost his spark.”
Yes, the A-League reads like a who’s who of world-class footballing talent. At least it does if you listen to Craig Foster’s ill-informed bullshit.
Al Fayed’s witterings were in response to comments by Hughes explaining why he walked out on the London club after just one season in charge. “Historically, Fulham was a club that was happy to be in the Premier League and that was their ambition, but it was not my ambition for them,” he said, with his perm growing greyer with each passing sentence. “In conversations, they were saying, ‘We know exactly what you’re about Mark, but, really, we are just quite happy to stay in the Premier League’.”
Well now it can add Franny Jeffers (back) to its list of “soccer” superstars after the Sheffield Wednesday reject landed a plum move to Newcastle. Relax Magpies fans it’s the Jets not United. “Last time, even though I felt I was playing well and you lads [the media] were writing that I was playing well, I said there was more to come,’’ said Jeffers, who played with the Jets on trial last season, but knacked his groin after a few matches.
Which would sound a bit more convincing if it wasn’t for the fact we all know he shafted the club because he thought he had a shot at the vacant Villa and Chelsea jobs in the summer. Nice try though Sparky.
Very true Sven, by the time Leicester reach the Premier League it’s more likely you’ll be in a box, as the sizable debt you helped the club build up will probably take several decades to pay off once the new owners get bored of their bid for glory.
Harry Kewell. Brett Emerton. Andy Todd.
‘‘I came out here and played six games in three weeks, and it was difficult, because I’d just got off the plane and was trying to acclimatise. You’d expect you’d need three weeks to get your body up to speed, but I just had to get out there and play.” In other words, it’s more than likely Jeffers will suffer a season-ending injury by the time you’ve finished reading this. He must have the same agent as Jason Culina. If footballers retired every time they did something on the pitch that was ethically dubious or against the spirit of the game, then Stoke City wouldn’t have a player left. Thankfully for Potters fans, we Brits aren’t made of the same moral fibre as that proudest of European nations – Moldova.One top-flight player was so ashamed with himself for lamping the referee in the face that he immediately retired from the game as soon as he’d done it. Sfintul Gheorghe midfielder Julian Bursuc caught referee Ghenadie Sidenco square in the face with a sickening right hook in the 55th minute of his side’s Divizia Nationala match away at Iskra-Stal. His team were 1-0 down at the time and temperatures were boiling when the flare-up occurred. The hot-tempered player was quickly calmed down by his shocked teammates, and taken into custody by local police who were on the scene. And in a cool, calm and composed recovery that puts ‘prat fall’ Dowd to shame, the referee remained completely calm despite the assault, receiving a little attention from one of the team physios and then getting on with the rest of the match. He even levelled things up, sending off opposition defender Andrei Porfireanu for a second bookable offence just three minutes after the match restarted.
Late-breaking news, we’ve just discovered that former Blackburn defender Andy Todd is no longer an A-League player. Apparently his playerof-the-season performances at Perth earned him a dream move to Oldham last season. He’s now at Hereford – which should tell you all you need to know about the standard of the A-League.
CRICKET Hot on the heels of becoming the best Test team in the world, England have also been installed as the first ever No.1 ranked international team in 2020. Hurrah! Yet for some baffling reason we’re still shit at the one-day game. What gives? At the same time as the ICC were bestowing the No.1 honour in the shortest format, England were getting their fifth and final one-day spanking at the hands of India to complete a 5-0 series whitewash. We all know beating India in India is the cricket equivalent of trying to get Shakira and Beyonce to lez off for a home video, but the fact that England didn’t just lose, but were walloped by a team they recently hammered at home is still something of a baffler. Winning becomes a habit and probably so does losing. Back in the summer when we were going so well, the confidence was high and we probably would have walked that game. “When confidence is low, and they are on a roll, it’s very hard to stop.” The final capitulation in Kolkata was the worst of the bunch because it looked like we were on course for a win, or at least a stab at making it close. Chasing 272 for victory, we made it to 129 without losing a single wicket. What happened next would put Audley Harrison to shame, with England collapsing in embarrassing style. Alastair Cook was the first to go – and after that it was carnage, with all ten wickets falling for a paltry 47 runs. Let’s hope the Aussies weren’t watching or we’ll never here the end of it.