Shipwrecked @ Bondi Beach NYE 2009 was listed in BEST LOCAL EVENTS by
1st Release Tickets: $300 - Entry/ Unlimited Premium Beer / Wine/ Canape Package or $350 - Entry/ Unlimited Premium Beer/Wine/Canape & 5 Spirits Package Fireworks @ 9pm & 12am • Outdoor Terrace • Views of Sydney Harbour & The Opera House
SYDNEYS MOST EXCLUSIVE NYE VENUE
NYE @ The MCA The Museum of Contemporary Art
RALPH LAWSON (2020 Vision, UK)
JAMES CURD (Chicago)
ACID MONDAYS (2020 Vision, UK)
For more info & tickets go to Moshtix, call 0450 045 516 or visit www.essentialeventsmanagement.com
BOAT PARTY 2011
New Years Morning 3.30am - SUNRISE - 8.30am Pickup outside The MCA from 3am aboard the ‘Lady Rose’
Sat 20th Nov TONY VARGA AMNESIA IBIZA8pm RESIDENT - 2am
CAMILO FRANCO SPACE IBIZA RESIDENT on Moshtix MISS MATCH - ILLYA - JAVI SAMPOL PAUL GUY & FRIENDS & MICHAEL SPARKLE
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ALEX WOLFENDEN WE LOVE RESIDENT, IBIZAA JAMES CURD GREENKEEPERS, CHICAGO
CONTENTS The Cover
Review
Regulars
MAKING US HURLEY - 18 Shane Warne’s divorced while Liz Hurley is separated. Sure, it’s not scandalous but it’s better than what the Aussie cricketers are serving up these days.
MUSE - 24
Interview
Sport
ROBERT DE NIRO - 26 “[The fight scene] was fun, it took
ROVERS AND OUT - 80 It’s a sacking frenzy people! First Chris Hughton, now Big Sam. BBM looks at the five daftest managerial sackings in British football.
UK News World News Irish News Gossip Soaps The Wrap Interviews Sydney Melbourne Perth Recruitment Classifieds Hostel Listings Crystal Balls Ask Crystal & Jokes Sport
us about two weeks and it was all carefully choreographed, and set up really well – the beginning, middle and end.”
“It’s an experience with Muse, aided by the giant skyscrapers, the rotating drum kit and some creatively projected graphics. Is it wrong to love Chris’ ridiculously cheesy red and black striped suit?”
JOBS & ACCOMODATION
6 12 16 18 22 24 30 32 36 44 49 50 54 64 66 82
MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon
john.mcmahon@what-media.com
EDITOR Ben Harlum
ben.harlum@what-media.com
SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby
richard.gadsby@what-media.com
UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir
hannah.shakir@what-media.com
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26
28
“
INTERNS Marissa van Doorn, Jennifer Reilly, Zuleika Lopez Guilleux, Stefan Zimmermann
I’M HALFAUSTRALIAN, HALF-BRITISH AND LIVING IN LONDON. A PERFECT FIT.
HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard
design@what-media.com
WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber WEB DEVELOPMENT ASSISTANT Shefali Khanna
“
ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin
TOM HOOPER
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CONTRIBUTORS David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Fernando Xavier, Bethan Hacking, Alexandra McIntyre, Jeremy Williams
mary.atkin@what-media.com
ADVERTISING Joe Smith
joe.smith@what-media.com
Dave Hudson BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGER James Marsh james.marsh@what-media.com
BBM 4
PO Box 784 Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230
SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir www.bbmlive.com info@what-media.com
ph: (02) 8231 7700 fax: (02) 9299 4966
BRITISH BALLS MAGAZINE
PRINTERS Spotpress
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UK NEWS TOO SWEET ON SUGAR WHEN it comes to self-abuse and the pleasures of the palm, we’ve all got a preferred choice of reading material tucked under the bed.
That’s right, he was caught wanking in the middle of Crawley Library while reading a book about Alan Sugar.
The lingerie section of BBM’s slightly battered copy of the 2007 Argos catalogue, for example, has been subjected to some unholy sights over the years.
“He spent about 20 minutes looking through the books in the business section before selecting Alan Sugar’s autobiography,” said an unnamed source at the library.
EWWWW!
But while we’re a pretty openminded bunch at BBM Towers, we have to question the choice of mastubatory inspiration of a bloke in Crawley this week who apparently likes to conduct himself in a solo symphony while reading “What You See Is What You Get – the Alan Sugar autobiography”.
Hey whatever people do in the privacy of their homes is their own business right? Unfortunately the bloke in question wasn’t in his own home. He was in a public library.
“He was behaving rather oddly so we kept an eye on him and then he just sat down with his coat over his lap and started pleasuring himself as he looked through the book. It was very bizarre behaviour and our security guys got a hold of him before too many people saw what he was doing.” Unsurprisingly, the man was banned from returning to the library.
A GRASPABLE CLUE WHEN we heard “large baps” had appeared on Countdown, we figured it was a celebrity Christmas special featuring Barbara Windsor and Katie Price.
THE RSPCA have released fresh information proving that a bunch of idiots live in Britain at the minute. The do-gooding animal welfare association have compiled a list of “odd calls” they’ve received this year on their emergency hotline. So when one well-meaning bloke called up to report a cat lying lifeless under a bush, he ended up looking like a dickhead when it was discovered to be just a jumper with a reindeer picture on it. Another man phoned up to report a cat stuck on a roof – only to find out it was a satellite dish – and one woman phoned to ask for a short-term ‘cat loan’ to get rid of some mice in her house. Idiots.
COLD CALLING “JACK Frost roasting on an open fire, chipmunks nipping at your nose…”
Alas the nine-letter phrase was instead a controversial clue to the final conundrum – which turned out to be the equally amusing, and related, anagram “graspable”.
the combination of clue and answer was inappropriate.”
A spokesman for Channel 4 said: “I think viewers of the show will be aware of the tongue in cheek nature of the show. It’s really up to the viewer to construe whether they think
Sadly, show host Jeff Stelling missed the chance to say “Please reveal your large baps,” to co-host Rachel Riley. She can suck on our consonant-vowelconsonant-consonant any time.
A STRAW-CHEWING Somerset yokel farmer was killed by his own cows this week. They must have had some kind of beef with him. Arf! Arf! Harold Lee, 75, was guiding a herd of cows across a country road near Glastonbury when a fire engine came bearing down on them, lights on and siren sounding. The cows duly shit themselves and poor old Lee was crushed to death in the stampede.
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PRAT AMONG THE PIGEONS
Yes it’s Christmas time people and the good news back home is the snow and ice from a couple of weeks ago has finally cleared. Hurrah! The bad news is there’s another batch of heavy snow and freezing cold temperatures just around the corner. Huzzooh! Clare Allen, a forecaster with MeteoGroup, the weather division of the Press Association, said: “London will be minus 4C and Northern Ireland minus 3C. Scotland may be down as much as minus 6C and on higher ground it could be as low as minus 10C.” The outlook looks so bad that bookmakers have shortened the odds on a white Christmas, with Aberdeen the city most likely to wake up to a fresh layer of white dung on December 25.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
UK NEWS DOES MY BRUM LOOK BIG IN THIS? IF BBM learnt anything at school, it’s that fat people should be ridiculed at every opportunity.
Well it seems standards back in Britain have been slipping since BBM left, with the motherland now having more obese people than anywhere in Europe.
In the end, we lost count of the number of eating disorders and self-harming incidents we contributed to. Those were the days, my friend. Still as our old pappy used to say after doing a poo on the lawn and then rubbing our nose in it, you have to be cruel to be kind. You should have seen the weight fall off those little porkers. But are they grateful to BBM for helping them avoid near-certain coronary problems later in life? Are they bollocks. They just send us Facebook messages asking why we made their lives such a misery and how their counsellor told them they should contact us…. (ed – we’ve cut some out as he goes on like this for some time)… why we were needed at the inquest God only knows. It was more like a witchhunt to be honest. Anyway, where are we going with all this?
And the capital of Lardsville is Birmingham, apparently, with almost one in three adults classed as obese, according to a new health report. Royal College of GPs spokesman Professor Steve Field said: “I’m ashamed as a GP working in the West Midlands that this area has Europe’s highest percentage of obese adults. “Obesity is a major predictor of ill health, causing serious illnesses. I hope we’ll do more in future to get people to take responsibility for their health.” We know what you’re saying Steve. You want BBM to come back and bully Britain back into better health. Well fuck off you fat pie-eating bastard.
POOR CHARACTER OF JUDGE BBM has done our fair share of court reporting over the years. Swearing, violence, ugly, ugly people – and that’s just the judges. Newcastle judge Beatrice Bolton found herself on the other side of the bar this week after being charged with letting her dog attack a neighbour’s son. The 57-year-old, described as ‘the neighbour from hell’ at the trial, was convicted and ordered to apologise for her behaviour but instead yelled ‘a fucking travesty’ as she left the courtroom and later said: ‘I’ll never set foot in a court again’. Right, because it’s such a chore to get paid vast sums of money for wearing a silly wig. Bolton, who had already been warned by an usher for chewing gum during the two-day hearing, was fined £2,500 and ordered to pay £275 compensation to Frederick Becker, her neighbour’s son.
Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground
Spectacular!
HAVE YOU HEARD
visit www.adventureGC.com 8
Get back to nature
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70 kilometres of coastline 300 days of sunshine per year 22°C /72°F average temperature 500 cafes, restaurants and bars 100,000 hectares of World Heritage Rainforest Australia’s biggest range of theme parks and attractions
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Most savvy travellers think they know what to expect on the Gold Coast; brilliant beaches, super Surfers Paradise nightlife, theme parks galore and the best looking talent in the country. But only a plucky few explorers uncover more than the travel guides are willing to admit. How’d they miss 100,000 hectares of world heritage rainforest, 500 kilometres of canals, the year round water sports or the sacred indigenous landmarks? Perhaps they just weren’t up for the challenge. Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
UK NEWS A GRAN OF ATTACK CORRUPTION! Corruption of the rankest kind!
Expecting perhaps to catch a mohawked road warrior driving around in a custom-plated Harley Davidson, they instead discovered that the yob was in fact church-going 63-year-old granny Jennifer Bibby – a policeman’s widow who used to be president of the very neighbourhood watch scheme that caught her. Oh the irony!
When those entrusted with the power to serve up justice abuse their position for their own nefarious ends, then a society governed by chaos and anarchy looms my friend. Luckily, such a Mad Max style vision of the future was averted in Hertfordshire this week thanks to a Neighbourhood Watch scheme in the hamlet of Hoddesdon, which has been plagued by a mystery yob who has repeatedly vandalised cars and windows, and dumped rubbish in people’s drives. Instead of going all Mel Gibson crazy, the nosey neighbours set up a CCTV to uncover the culprit.
Bibby was caught on film throwing eggs and flour over two neighbours’ cars. When confronted, she admitted her crimes were unprovoked but would have gotten away with it to if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids. She then slipped back into granny mode, saying the egg and flour would come off with hot water and washing up liquid. Seriously, she did.
SOUTHERN NONCES IT turns out that ‘Chelsea tractors’ (the slang name given to 4x4s owned by wanky middle-class cocks who live in big cities) are appropriately named. In a new survey of the UK’s 4x4 drivers, Chelsea was the place with the highest percentage of owners – 17.8 percent. “A lot of it right now is down to the weather conditions,” said a spokeswoman for Range Rover. “Four wheel drives have better traction than other cars and that’s a big plus in these slippery times.” So it’s nothing to do them with them being status symbols for people with more money than sense, who don’t give a shit about the environment then. Glad we cleared that up. Other places featuring highly on the list are, surprise surprise, Kensington, Ashford in Kent, Cobham, Dorking and Guildford. A couple of small areas in Aberdeenshire, Banchory and Turriff, also appear in the top ten – although seeing as it’s quite rural there we’ll let them off from our pisstaking.
Enjoy the Christmas long weekend with an exciting Australian tradition at Sydney’s famous racetrack Royal Randwick. Aside from a brilliant eight race line-up and free trackside entertainment, it’s also FREE ENTRY to the track when you present your International passport upon arrival! Royal Randwick is located only 5 minutes from the CBD and has plenty of transport options available.
SUNDAY 26 DEC
Visit royalrandwick.com for further information.
GATES OPEN 11.30AM FIRST RACE 1.20PM
FACEBOOK.COM/ROYALRANDWICK
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BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
WORLD NEWS BUSTING A NUT
TERRIFYING news for parents yet great for drug enthusiasts on a budget, apparently nutmeg is now being abused by teenagers to get high, for a very white Christmas. According to websites we visit for purely journalistic purposes, nutmeg contains Myristicin, a compound that can cause euphoria and hallucinations.
The potential side effects from getting high off Nutmeg include vomiting, dizziness and convulsions, yet isn’t that part of the fun? BBM wouldn’t know, we’ve remained clean since an unfortunate drug-related incident involving a donkey, a tub of vaseline and a photo of Justin Timberlake.
Well after ten years of celebrating by giving donations to the (fake) Human Fund as gifts every December, BBM is comforted that if we ever go to jail we’ll recieve our Festivus food. Convicted drug dealer Malcolm Alarmo King asked for kosher meals at
He died a couple of months later so his wife popped in the video. Did Eric spend a lot of time conducting a visual reading of the will? Did he devote the whole video to his wife and children? No. Instead, he decides to focus on his workmates. One is a mormon, so Eric decided to tell him that he is in a false religion. Another is agnostic: “If you die without knowing Jesus Christ, you will end up in hell.” In related news, the agnostic and mormon are both still alive.
FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US REMEMBER Festivus from Seinfeld? The best holiday ever, celebrated with an aluminum pole and the airing of grievances.
SO Eric Roberts, an American man, decided to film a video for his friends and family after a dream the night before convinced him he would die early.
a Californian jail to maintain his healthy physique. A reasonable request if you ask us, since part of the prison experience is being fit enough to duck and dart past the knives thrown at you in the playground. The prison reserves kosher meals for inmates with a religious need, and his defense attorney cited his client’s devotion to Festivus. King got salamifree meals for two months, a true Festivus miracle!
A REAL SHIT-FLIGHT IN this week’s flight related mishap, a small plane has crashed into a 20 tonne pile of chicken manure in Ballarat. Needless to say, the inflight entertainment was pretty crappy. The plane experienced power problems, veered off the runway and crashed into the manure. No one was injured in the crash, but pilot Ben Buckley was left with a few scratches, mainly from the gang fight from passengers who had to swim their way out of a giant pile of turd.
THE SUN AT ITS FINEST
THE very definition of quality journalism, The Sun, have reported that amateur astronomers have predicted a largescale solar storm will imminently hit Earth. The blistering storm has the potential to knock out power grids and interfere with communication systems. It’s 2012 come early! The storm has the potential to interfere with GPS technology and cause illness for astronauts based on the International Space Station. It could even lead to disruption or loss of space craft.
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Of course, by amateur astronomers The Sun mean internet nerds who are tracking storms on the Solar Stormwatch website, which anyone with internet access can spot then track storms as they erupt. The storms are caused by solar wind, when magnetic fields hurl billions of tonnes of storm energy from the Sun’s surface into the atmosphere. Serious stuff, innit? Wait a second, The Sun reported this last week. We didn’t see a solar storm, did you? Quality journalism again, guys!
SOMEHOW, amid the jets of freezing water being pumped into his childhood home, the flash-bang of grenades going off all around him and the sharpshooters with scopes trained on the action, attempted murderer Leo Crockwell managed to sneak away from the Canadian police contingent trying to force him from his home. Producers are trying to cast him in the next season of The Amazing Race.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
“Best event I’ve played in the last 6 months”
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(Pete Tong on 1/1/10)
(Carl Cox on 1/1/11)
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WORLD NEWS CLOWNING AROUND
WATCH out suicide counsellors and negotiators worldwide, your job is being threatened - by a bouncy castle. In an idea ripped off from the American Office, police in Wales have borrowed the inflatable castle to cushion the fall of a man threatening to jump from a car park roof in Swansea. We can see the picture now, the
police sitting there eating donuts yelling “C’Mon, we dare you! Jump!” - and we have to admit, we’ve been laughing for hours at the thought. Unfortunately, the man was talked down from the roof and taken to hospital for treatment. Next step? Police are taking balloon animal classes to cheer suicidal people up.
RISING LIKE THE PHOENIX
REMEMBER back at high school when you’d try to persuade your girlfriend to give you a bit of a show? You’d argue the pros and cons for so long that by the time the argument ended, you could’ve undressed, had sex, watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and had sex again.
Okay so BBM isn’t speaking from experience, we were the kids eating worms in the playground for money back at school.
The American town of Phoenix is performing a similar version of our scenario, with their plans to convert their entire traffic signal system to LED lamps by the end of 2011 - a plan that will save them $600,000 a year. Of course, the cost to convert one intersection to LED units is about $10,500. Just like those girlfriends, the ends never justify the means - it’ll take 15 years 18 days, and 6 hours to recoup the costs. Spoiler alert: the LED lights only last ten years. Fools!
AMERICAN weathergirl Heidi Jones was suspended on Wednesday for filing a bogus police report about a phony stalker.
IN a story that sounds very similar to England’s tactics to put off the Aussies pre-Ashes, Christians have been stalking atheists in Texas in giant billboards proclaiming that God “still loves you.” If God still loved us, why did he let the Black Eyed Peas cover Time of My Life? Answer us that, church!
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Wait... since when was making up stories wrong? BBM has been doing it for years. Insiders say that Heidi, who joined the station in 2005, would likely be fired after an internal investigation. BBM will gladly take in the lovely lady to stand next to the window and predict the weather to us. All day. Preferably in a bikini. Sorry, drifted off for a second.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
IRISH NEWS THE PORN IDENTITY FOLLOWING in the footsteps of the International Rules series, it seems the Aussie-Gaelic sporting crossover has again borne fruit – only this time its a meeting in the middle of hurling and NRL. And unfortunately it has nothing to do with sport. Although Ireland have come out on top. Wahey! Yes GAA hurler Greg Jacob has taken a leaf out of the NRL playbook by appearing in a sex tape. Fortunately, no dogs were involved in this one.
After presumably banging the shit out of her for the ‘pornumentary’, Jacob came out with the following great line: “It was just a bit of fun, a dare from the lads,” he said. Speaking after receiving the gong, porn star Tanya said: “It was very thrilling to win this award. We had a lot of fun on the shoot, it was exciting, the sex was hot and I’m happy it was recognised with an award.” Alas there is a sad end to this tale of porn dreams come true as the GAA player expressed his concerns about any potential female admirers.
Admittedly, it’s not a lurid sex tape, nor is it particuarly ‘fresh’ news, but those gentleman of the GAA have shown that whatever the Aussies can do, the Irish can do it better as the film in question – Tanya Tate’s Sex Tour of Ireland – has won a British porn award. Hurrah!
“Let’s put it this way,” he said, “if I asked you out on a date, would you go out with me if you know I had been in a porno? Irish girls in general, if you were to go talk to any girl in your local bar, in the countryside (they wouldn’t).” Asked about the experience, he said: “Yeah, I suppose it was great.”
Jacob, who was a member of the Wexford senior panel, appeared in the video alongside busty British blonde porn star Tanya Tate and said he had no regrets after making the movie.
With only a fortnight to go, it seems BBM has found our man of the year.
WHALES MEET AGAIN THE world’s second largest animal has been spotted off the coast of Ireland this week – and thankfully it’s not Kerry Katona skinny dipping in a desperate attempt to win back Brian McFadden. Two giant fin whales were spotted off the south-east coast this weekend, just east of Dungarvan, Co
Waterford, feeding in shallow waters. It’s the first time they have been spotted off Ireland’s shores in more than a decade. Fin whales can grow to almost 88ft. “That’s fucking nothing,” scoffed Katona while gorging on frozen Iceland pavlova and snorting coke up her piggy nostrils.
SPUDDY HELL SURPRISE, surprise, British X Factor winner Matt Cardle (right) has wasted no time in proving his plastic Paddie credentials after coming up with some balls about his family moving from Ireland during the potato famine. Cardle said: “They left for England during the potato famine.” See, we told you.
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SALT INTO THE WOUND FIRST there was the potato famine. Now 2010 will forever be remembered as the year of the great Irish salt famine. Holy Jesus fuck! Yes, the country’s salt supplies are at an all time low which basically means the roads are going to get screwed when the next big freeze hits Ireland. And the next big freeze is expected this weekend. And in further proof that the Government really are utterly shit at planning for the future, (and we mean, really, really, shit. Seriously, what have they been doing?) they’ve had to import 20,000 tonnes of emergency salt from Egypt and Morocco. Significant accumulations of snow were expected in most parts of the country over the weekend and up to 10cm of snow may fall before next Monday. While sparking a crisis for motorists, the salt shortage could spell boomtime for fish and chip shop owners who could sell off those little sachets of salt for up to 10 euros a pop. Just a suggestion.
THE DOG’S BOLLOCKS EVER had a neighbour’s dog keep coming round to your house and bothering you? Why not just cut it’s knackers off? That was the logic employed by farmer Eddie Flood, of Carnasaull, Co Donegal, who used a lamb ring to cut the testicles off the cross- terrier after claiming his three dogs were being pestered by the animal. The dog’s owner, Frank McGettigan, told Letterkenny District Court he was distraught when he discovered what had happened to his three-year-old pet dog Rusty. He didn’t know who had done such a thing and mentioned it to Flood, but he denied having anything to do with the attack. It is unclear if Flood gave himself away by making a series of ill-advised quips like: “I wouldn’t have the balls to do something like that?” or “That sounds like a load of bollocks to me,” before sniggering and running away to tell his mates.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP THE HURLEY BIRD CATCHES THE WARNE
BBM is all for the Oprah spirit - look at last week’s cover! - but we think that Channel 7’s Sunrise may be taking things too far.
WHEN Cricket Australia told Shane Warne to pick up the Ashes from England, we can’t help but think that he misheard that as ‘pick up the lasses’. After exchanging scandalous twitter messages, Warnie and Austin Powers star Elizabeth Hurley (pictured) have been caught kissing during a cigarette break in a dinner for friends.
Oprah... or Honda upside down?
Little did the paparazzi know that Hurley and her husband, Indian tycoon Arun Nayar had broken up a couple of months ago. But still, scandal! Intrigue! Exboyfriends! As if the story couldn’t get worse, Hugh Grant, Liz’s ex, apparently picked the two up to take them out to dinner the following night. Hugh still has a room in Liz’s £5million Chelsea home. Further raising BBM’s suspicions that this is simply a movie that we’ve stumbled across, the fire alarm went off and the pair had to scale the fire ladder at the back of the
£1,750 hotel suite they were staying at. Thanks to Twitter, Hurley has revealed that she broke up with her husband a couple of months ago. Only a couple of days earlier, she told Shane to: “remember to scream if u want to go faster!” It was in regard to a rollercoaster, you sick perverts. BBM just hopes that Liz doesn’t send Warnie out to bat by himself now the reports have made it to the press.
PETER THE SUGADADDY
REMEMBER the Sugababes? They changed lineups more time than the Australian cricket team and unlike Destiny’s Child and their musical chair lineup drama, there has been no solo success for any of them. Cue the publicity stunt of a relationship! Peter Andre has apparently found himself a pop star girlfriend in the form of the ex-Sugababe Keisha Buchanan (pictured).
News of Peter pushing Keisha’s buttons
comes as new rumours linking him with Kerry Katona hit the press, but Pete has always insisted his relationship with the former Atomic Kitten star is nothing more than friendship. BBM knows the real reason, he’s just petrified of Brian McFadden. As a wise man once said, you say it best when you say nothing at all. Wait, sorry, wrong Irish popstar.
OUR little Miley has grown up, and is hitting the bong. Would she be foolish enough to have her friends film it? You betcha. Father Billy Ray was shocked by the news, tweeting that it broke his achy breaky heart: “Sorry guys. I had no idea. Just saw this stuff for the first time myself. I’m so sad. There is much beyond my control right now.’ The Can’t Be Tamed (irony!) singer is seen experimenting with a bong in the video, although it is claimed she was smoking the legal herb salvia, rather than marijuana. She follows with an annoyingly hilarious trip, featuring the one-woman exhange, “Is that my boyfriend? Is that my boyfriend? Oh my God, he looks so much like Liam. Is it me tripping? Is that me tripping? Does that look like Liam at all?” No, Miley. It was a potplant. This one.
GAGA OF THE WEEK LOOK, we don’t want to brag but BBM is terribly influential these days. We’re sure that Lady Gaga took one look at our cover a couple of months ago and decided that she looked quite good as a teacher. As a result, she has apparently applied for a job teaching fashion and art appreciation at a New York university. Our designer asked us ‘is she qualified?’ To which we reply, ‘is she qualified to do whatever it is that she currently does?’ 18
APPARENTLY demand is so high that Justin Bieber has released more Australian dates. BBM is locked in for 4.30pm Monday.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP CRACKING THE WHIP
THE child force infiltrating the charts who even has Beyonce bootie shakin’ in her boots, Willow Smith, has now announced that she wishes to be bigger than Gaga. The ten-year-old hip-hopper (pictured) spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, commented, “I would like to be a very well-known artist. I would like to be as big as Lady Gaga. I would like to be bigger. I’d like to be a big rock star.”
However, just like Lady Gaga, Willow’s having troubles with playtime. “The hardest part is wanting to hang out with your friends when you have to work. My friends will come over and you’re recording and you’re like, ‘Pleeease let me go with my friends. I don’t wanna stay here!’ - but people are relying on you.” Sure, that sounds cute for a child but she’s already sounding like she’s a bit big for her
boots. When asked who she takes advice from, the ten-year-old crazy-haired child said rather matter-of-factly “My mom, my dad, Jay-Z, Beyoncé. That’s probably it. They give me advice like: ‘Have fun.’” Wait, since when did Jay-Z and Beyoncé adopt the kid? In the rest of the interview she managed to further sound like a little diva when asked about how she reacted to meeting Lady Gaga. “Was I starstruck? Not really. I was very cool. I kept my composure.” On her crazy little wardrobe the wannabe fashionista commented, “I just be myself. I choose my own clothes. It’s schoolgirl meets punk rock.” Altogether these quotes just get on our nerves, aren’t child stars meant to be all nice and cute until they turn 18 and get on the bong... like Miley?
“I DON’T DESERVE PRISON” SNIPES WESLEY SORRY, we couldn’t resist. Blade star Wesley Snipes (pictured) is due to start a 3-year prison sentence for tax evasion this week. Although he claims that he had trusted his accountants to pay off his debts to the tax office, the actor has still wound up in the slammer.
“I’m more upset and disappointed in the system,” Well, Wezza, what have you learned from this? If you want something done properly, then do it yourself. Except for directing your films, that never ends up going well.
Now having ceased blaming his accountants he commented,
TOMMY’S WHALE OF A TIME TOMMY Lee has taken a page out of his ex’s, Pamela Anderson, book. No, he didn’t get breast implants - he’s become an activist. Writing to SeaWorld, the mentalist rocker said, “We know from SeaWorld’s own director of safety (as well as videos on the web) that the way you get Tilikum the Killer Whale’s sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water.”
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IT’S one thing to riot over the increase in student fees. It’s another when you’re a privately-educated 21-yearold, whose dad is worth £78million as a member of Pink Floyd. Charlie Gilmour has been arrested on suspicion of violent disorder and attempted criminal damage. He was apparently comfortably numb on drugs at the time. He apologised for his “moment of idiocy” before throwing another brick in the wall.
SO the X Factor has come and gone and with it, Matt Cardle has left his painting and decorating days behind him and is set to make a few bob or two. However, what we are more excited about in the UK is Harry Styles of the runner up boy band One Direction. The 16-year-old was evidently born for stardom with a name like that, and with girls between the ages of 12 and 92 swooning over him, he’s certainly going to get some, or at least that’s what he’s been telling Matt Cardle. The teen last night whispered in the winner’s ear, only for millions of lip reading viewers to realize that he said to Cardle, “Think of all the pussy you’re going to get now.” Harry has the X-Factor, that’s for sure!
“Even in my wildest days with Motley Crue I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.” How do you explain dating Tara Reid, Tommy? On an unrelated note, this story makes us think of Tom Green wanking off that elephant in Freddie Got Fingered… BBM had an unsupervised upbringing.
ZAC Efron has broken up with Vanessa Hudgens. We knew we should’ve got her number when we interviewed Zac this year!
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SOAPS CORONATION ST. FOLLOWING the epic tram crash, Coronation Street is in ruins.
Steve to turn the pub into a winter wonderland in a bid to help lift spirits in the village.
So far the death toll includes Ashley, Molly and conniving Charlotte, who John killed and then moved her body into the wreckage.
When a fire warden comes to the street to investigate the explosion that caused the tram to career off the viaduct, it becomes clear that the explosion may have been from the Joinery and that some dodgy gas works may be responsible for the loss of the Weatherfield lives, but who’s to blame?
As the families of the other victims wait impatiently at the hospital to find out if their loved ones will survive, one more resident will lose their battle to survive…
Towards the end of the week as the second funeral takes place, a truth is unearthed.
Meanwhile Becky persuades
EastEnders PAT works out that Janine is his shift. lying about Ryan’s whereabouts Later Janine returns to comfort when she notices her acting strangely. She quickly uses her poisoned husband, enjoying Whitney’s phone to send a text the power she has over him, but asking Janine to meet her in the when he deliriously slurs ‘I love pub – Pat then sneaks into the you Stacey’ it’s too much for the flat to find a half dead looking murderous wife and she stirs another crushed pill into some Ryan in a very bad way. orange juice. When Janine realises she’s been Meanwhile, when Glenda acts set up she rushes back to the flat just as Pat is dialling 999, up in the pub and is rude to but Janine manages to convince Jane and Shirley, Glenda tells Phil she will Pat that he’s just leave the door got a bad flu. on the latch for Janine later thinks Phil to visit her later. she should call an ambulance, but However things soon changes her take a turn for mind and heads to the pub to cover the worst.
ZUMO plans for a family Christmas dinner, but can he get Eileen and Vivienne at the one table? Elsewhere, Charlie defends Esther’s honour by hammering home some harsh truths to Louie. Esther then gathers support from the community. The anti-McCoys event takes place in the community centre and Louie gets a frosty reception. He then gets a surprise as Seamus tries to tempt with an offer for the place. Will he take it? TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
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HOLLYOAKS + Meanwhile, Mercedes ponders TEX manages to persuade whether to take the money India to sign up to internet from Carl and leave his son dating, after she sees the hunk that Tex has met through the Riley alone. website. Elsewhere Theresa’s mother Kathleen is back to cause However when India goes to meet her date, she finds problems for the McQueen herself in a dark alley and the clan but Jacqui steps in after Myra goes to her for man murders her and wraps help. Will she put an end to the body up in a carpet. As theblackmail? so often happens on internet dates. It’s the school disco and Fern’s up Tex’s friends tell her she should for causing some trouble probably contact her sister to by asking make sure she Jasmine’s twin brother to be is OK, but Tex is convinced India’s her date, and Anita’s mother off having fun with her date. is up to her old slutty ways. 22
Emmerdale RHONA receives some shocking news this week when she goes for her first scan. She is overwhelmed with joy at first, but the doctor has a word with her afterward and says the child has Down’s Syndrome.
even is a God because of her son Jackson’s condition. When Hazel arrives home later, a truck load of builders appear to make her home wheelchair accessible.
They also tell her the work She is faced with the has already been paid for, heartbreaking decision as to leaving her thinking that maybe whether or not to continue with Christmas miracles do happen. the pregnancy. Elsewhere everything has Meanwhile, Hazel blown up loses her rag at between Leyla the village carol and Alicia. concert when Alicia presents Ashley is talking her sister with about miracles a baby-sitting happening, and bill, because she stands up she looked and questions after Jacob her whether there whole life. BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
THE WRAP NASHTASTIC KATE Nash is returning to Australia with a new album, a new look and a nostalgic sound for Playground Weekender. 16th February: Metro, Sydney 18th February: Billboard, Melbourne 19th February: Hi-Fi, Brisbane 20th February: Playground Weekender, Wisemans Ferry
FIGHT NIGHT
FORMER Lightweight and Welterweight champion, BJ Penn, will take on Jon Fitch in the main event of Sydney’s UFC 127 Pay-Per-View event. BBM caught up with both men this week and will have more coverage in 2011. Date: February 27th, 2011 Where: Acer Arena, Homebush Cost: From $75 (onsale now, Ticketek)
REVIEW: MUSE VENUE
FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.
Acer Arena Sydney
DATE
WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE
FILM
1 2 3
MEGAMIND
$2.5
1
HARRY POTTER
$2
4
$34
NARNIA
$2
2
$5.6
1 2 3
NARNIA
£2.4
1
£2.4
HARRY POTTER
£2
4
£43
THE TOURIST
£1.3
1
£1.3
1 2 3
NARNIA
$24
1
$24
THE TOURIST
$16
1
$16
TANGLED
$14
3
$115
HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE
MUSIC
1 2 3
1
1
7
BLACK EYED PEAS
THE TIME
1
2
1
WHO’S THAT GIRL
GUY SEBASTIAN
2
3
2
BLACK EYED PEAS
1
5
6
WILLOW SMITH
WHIP MY HAIR
2
1
-
ELLIE GOULDING
YOUR SONG
2
5
2
KATY PERRY
1
7
2
P!NK
1
9
1
RIHANNA
1
7
5
GRENADE
THE TIME
FIREWORK RAISE YOUR GLASS WHAT’S MY NAME?
RATING
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
LAST WEEK
BRUNO MARS
1 2 3 1 2 3
$3.5
A U S T R A L I A
T H E U K
A M E R I C A
INDIE BITE
December 10 and some fantastic guitar work from Chris Wolstenholme.
GET those hands clapping and say Hello for Martin Solveig and Dragonette’s new single called well, just that, Hello.
MUSE did their best to bring the concert experience to us back in January, but nothing can compare to the pure spectacle they delivered in Sydney last week.
It really is an experience with Muse, aided by the giant moving skyscrapers, the rotating drum kit and some creatively projected graphics integrated with the live concert footage in each track. Also, is it wrong to love Chris’ ridiculously cheesy red and black striped suit?
We’re not joking with the hand clapping either, all the way through the track you can here the distinctive drum beat that sounds like those hands. Perfect for a party on the beach... if you’re lucky enough to be near a beach.
With a great setlist that threw in a couple of rarities for the fanboys, the band notably powered through Uprising, Supermassive Black Hole and Hysteria with a bit more grunt
No bootleg recordings on YouTube can prepare you for the near-perfect concert that’s as visually pleasing as it is aurally. Ben Harlum
There’s different remixes out there and if you purchase the EP you can have them all. Why not make up a different dance for each? REMEMBER TO CHECK OUT WE LOVE INDIE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE FORBES HOTEL IN SYDNEY.
COMPETITIONS THANKS to our friends at Roadshow, BBM has five copies of The Librarians: Season Three to give away (in stores now). Head Librarian Frances O’Brien is back and library life has never been more laughable. Frances is still having a hellish time, and for once its not all of her making.
FOR one night, the Loft and Bunglaow8 join together in welcoming 2011 alongside international DJ’s including Frankie Knuckles & Crazy Penis.
BBM has two double passes to give away to The Year That Was - a comedy show which will slice and dice 2010 like a 6 year old Masterchef.
BBM are giving away a double pass to the event every week leading to NYE!
The event takes place on December 28th at the Sydney Opera House.
OUR friends at Paul Strange Presents and Space Ibiza are offering a double pass and a T-Shirt every week from now until the Space Ibiza Festival. Don’t miss out on your chance to see Andy C, Steve Lawler and Netsky live!
TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/COMPETITIONS
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INTERVIEW
robert focking deniro Robert DeNiro has been working non-stop since the 60’s, in films ranging from The Godfather Part II to Taxi Driver to Analyze That. On Boxing Day, he returns to play Jack Byrnes in Little Fockers, the third film in the Meet the Parents saga. BBM caught up with Robert to discuss the new film. This is the third time you’ve played Jack Byrnes. What was it like this time around? Well, every time is different, but it’s the same characters. I think the hardest thing is to try to come up with a story that would hopefully hold the audience’s interest, and the dynamic between the characters within that family structure. I’d say basically we had a good time doing it. What’s happening with Jack this time? It’s kind of going back to the first film and that uneasy relationship between Jack and Greg. They’ve developed a kind of trust but there’s always something lurking beneath the surface with those two. Jack thinks he saw something and that gets in the way, it doesn’t take much to get those two to get it going again. Greg and Pam have kids now, so Jack’s a proud grandfather… Yeah, and that’s very much part of the story, too. Jack is very aware of his legacy and he wants that legacy to be carried on and he bestows that on to Greg – he anoints him as head of the family but Greg disappoints him, or he thinks he does. This is the third time you’ve played him. Are you able to say ‘he wouldn’t do that, but maybe he would do this?’ Yeah. You always empathise with your character and look at their point of view because no matter who they are or what they do, they feel that they are right, that they are justified. And there may be times when they feel they
are right but I, personally, would feel that it’s wrong but it’s the character. And most of the time we are all in synch with what Jack would do, even if sometimes I feel ‘well, this is a little hokey..’ but I’ll do it anyway. I’ll try it because you never know until you actually do it if it’s going to work better than you think. Is it true that you came up with the idea of the polygraph test in the first movie? Yes, I did. And in the second one it was the whole thing with the camper and the high tech room that Jack has that Greg visits. But in this one I can’t remember if I had something that was that significant. There’s a big fight scene in Little Fockers between Greg and Jack. What was that like? It was fun, it took us about two weeks and it was all carefully choreographed, and set up really well – the beginning, middle and end and actually it was a lot of fun to do. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Jessica Alba all said that they found it a little intimidating when they first worked with you but that you quickly put them at ease. Do you consciously do that? You know, that stuff goes away pretty quickly. Because you’ve got to get down to the work and then it all gets back to normal pretty quickly. And that’s the way I like it. You just get on with the job. Meet the Parents: Little Fockers hits cinemas on Boxing Day.
COMPETITION The test between Jack Byrnes (Rob ert De Niro) and Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) is about to escalate to new heights of comedy in the third installment of the blockbuster series—Little Fockers. When Greg and Pam’s entire clan— including Pam’s lovelorn ex, Kevin (Owen Wilson)—descend for the twins’ birthday party, Greg must prove to the skeptical Jack that he’s fully capa ble as the man of the house. Meet the Parents: Little Fockers is only at the movies from December 26 and to celebrate, BBM
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has ten ‘GodFocker’ prize packs
to give away.
Each prize pack includes a ‘GodFocker’ mug, mousemat and T-Shirt! To enter, email competition@what-media.com with your name, address and the reason why you’re a Good Focker. Entries close Christmas Eve, so be quick! For more details on the film, visit littlefockers.com.au © 2010 DW Studios L.L.C. and
Universal Studios
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INTERVIEW Spending a sunny afternoon in Bondi Beach producing musical musings, BBM’s HANNAH SHAKIR put in a call to discuss the ins and outs of Illumination, and find out what’s in the bag this summer for Miami Horror. Answering the phone in the most laid back greeting we’ve ever heard, we feel a bit bad for disturbing Ben Plant, but nonetheless Hannah proceeded to interrogate him for the sake of our readers. Your new single Holiday is out, what’s the response been like? I think it’s going really well, actually... I wasn’t totally sold on it, like I wasn’t totally sure it would go too well. From what we’ve been seeing at live shows it’s definitely a song that people are reacting to now they know it.
And have you started thinking about a follow up album? No, I won’t start it til the end of next year. We’re going to make some other music in between, so we’ll see what happens with that - but probably under a different name, before I’m ready to make another Miami Horror album I’d like to get some time to think about what direction I want to take. You recently went on tour in North and South America, how was it? Pretty amazing, we’d never toured live before and the reaction was pretty good - there were 200 to 500 people at every show, but in Santiago there was this crazy show with 1500 people who all knew us pretty well.
It’s obviously taken you a long time to put an album out, what did you want to get across with Illumination? I guess we wanted to make something that had a variety of feelings and a journey, every song relates to each other. There’s a lot of similar themes in certain songs but they all vary and they all work together. Essentially it’s a sort of soundtrack for everyone’s life - you go with their experiences. It’s a hard thing to explain actually it just comes naturally and you don’t really think about it too much.
So have you got plans to go over to the UK whilst you’re over there? We haven’t got any planned gigs as yet, but its weird because we just got signed with every country in Europe - except the UK - and the UK gigs are offering us £300 - but it costs us like £1500 to do the show. We’re kind of waiting for some radio play before we push too hard there.
And what’s it been like going from working on your own to forming a whole live band? Well, Josh and Dan had collaborated on certain tracks and written the
Miami Horror play Summadayze: Melbourne & Adelaide on New Years Day, Gold Coast on January 2 and Perth on January 8. Tickets are available from Ticketmaster.
BENRY
24, CLUB PROMOTER, 12th VOTED OUT
The creator of the term ‘dirt squirrel’ (Alina) and its male equivalent, a ‘dirt rat’ (Sash) was voted out of Survivor: Nicaragua on Tuesday night after being a bit too eager in backstabbing his alliance. With only two episodes to go, BEN HARLUM caught up with his namesake to discuss the game’s final days. What’s better, being a Grade A dirt squirrel or a Grade F one? I think dirt squirrels are all Grade A ones, if you’re a dirt squirrel you’re a Grade A one. And then there’s the male version, which is a dirt rat... Ah, you heard me say that? That’s the male version of the squirrel, which is a two legged female that scavenges through the jungle showing moral inconsistencies. That’s how I thought Alina played the game, I could see straight through her. She’s got a great heart outside the game of Survivor but I don’t regret the comment. I live in Hollywood, where the term stems from, there’s several dirt squirrels out here. What was the atmosphere like in Ponderosa (where the jury goes post-elimination) with the quitters around and people like yourself who had been backstabbed? We were all pretty close, we put our feelings aside and had a pretty good time. We sat there baking cakes by the pool, Alina had no idea I had called her a dirt squirrel at that stage so there
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lyrics on some, so that was the natural progression to really make the live show. Once we started doing that we realised we should actually change the sound and music to match that - their influence came in on the album and making it more playable live.
was no hostility there. I know when NaOnka and Purple quit, Alina stayed in her room that night and didn’t greet them for a couple of days but everybody was over it by the time I got there. You once were a cameraman for Girls Gone Wild, what was that experience like? It got pretty wild, to say the least! [laughs] It was a crazy lifestyle, you lived on a tour bus with four people who ultimately became brothers to me. You’d pull up in this tour bus, every single night you’d have a different city to visit that had been promoting the visit for months, you’d have girls throwing themselves at you and taking their tops off. It was nuts, but I went to film school so it helped me grow as a cameraman as well. It just so happened to be something right up my alley! What type of jury member will you be like? Come final three, I will ask some really good questions. There will be three very damn good questions on the finale. Survivor: Nicaragua airs Tuesday nights on Channel 9, with the huge three-hour finale from 9.30pm on December 28. To listen to our extended interviews, visit bbmlive.com/survivor.html
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INTERVIEW THE DIRECTOR’S INTERVIEW Tom Hooper has crafted an excellent filmography for himself, from Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren to The Damned United with Michael Sheen and now The Kings Speech with Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth. The day before he was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Director, and on the eve of an almost-certain Oscar nomination, BEN HARLUM sat down with Tom in Sydney. I read that you’re half-Australian and half-British, can you explain how you discovered the Australian play that became the film? I only came across the material because I was half-Australian, halfBritish and living in London. My Australian mother was invited in late 2007 to a reading of an unproduced play called The King’s Speech. She was only invited so the play would have its token Aussie audience, thank god she went because she rang me up and said “I think I’ve found your next film” - moral of the story being listen to your mother. Being half-Australian and half-English I’ve long wanted to find a film about the Anglo-Australian relationship, so to find this was a great fit for me. One of the narratives of my childhood was my Australian mother dealing with the effects of my father’s very English upbringing - he was packed off to boarding school from five years old during that brutal era of five mile runs, cold baths, corporal punishment, all the best of the British boarding school system. That theme in the film of the Australian having the freedom to take on the English is one I’m very familiar with. What draws you to these historical projects - John Adams, Damned United, Elizabeth I and now this... Over my whole life I have admittedly done a range of things, in the past I started doing Eastenders and Cold Feet. I suppose I’ve recently gone toward these stories because it’s hard to find fictional screenplays which have characters as well-realised and complicated as these real-life characters I’ve been able to explore. I think reliving history is the key to understanding the present. You could ask why the Monarchy has survived, and if you go back to the Queen’s father you can see why they’ve survived. We throw around the idea of an inappropriate class privilege as an attack but if you look at Bertie’s (George VI) story it’s not privileged at all - he’d been abused by his nanny and neglected by his parents. The idea of him, with a severe stammer, becoming King was the idea of hell to him. Having that stammer during the war went a long way to humanise him because it made him seem he wasn’t speaking from some distant cage. With these projects, do you try to research outside the script or stick to what’s already written down? I do as much as I possibly can, and in the case of The King’s Speech we were really lucky to discover one of Lionel Logue’s (Geoffery Rush’s character) diaries. Nine weeks before shooting we tracked down his grandson, who lived ten minutes from me, and he’s got this handwritten account of his relationship with the King. The royal family had never seen it, no biography had ever had access to it and we managed to get it - forcing us to furiously rewrite the script. Some of the best lines in the film are genuinely from Lionel and King George, including one of the final lines after George’s wartime speech. I think research can be your friend because if you work hard, sometimes you find these discoveries - and I think the diaries made the film much funnier because there was evidence of the wit in Lionel and King George’s friendship. I have to talk about the Oscar buzz, is it water off a ducks back for you? [laughs] I don’t think it could ever be water off a duck’s back for anybody. It’s hugely thrilling to even be talked about but it’s still early days. I focus on the good things that have already happened, winning the audience award at the Toronto Film Festival was a really big deal for me because that was the festival-goers vote and not the jury’s. It was also great to pick up five awards at the British Independent Film Awards, that was hugely thrilling. Anything that happens will be amazing. The King’s Speech (an amazing film, might we add) opens Boxing Day
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WHAT’S ON SYDNEY CHRISTMAS
Sunburnt Christmas DON’T spend Christmas Day moping around the house – head to Bondi Beach and have Christmas lunch with a few thousand mates! At Sunburnt Christmas on Christmas day 12 noon – 10pm, back packers will be partying with The Freestylers. And they’ll be joined by UK sensations Micky Slim and Helena. Spanning three stages, Sunburnt Christmas boasts homegrown talent like Groove Terminator, Timmy Trumpet and John Glover and loads more – not to mention the Miss Bikini Christmas Competition and a Wet T-Shirt contest. If you’re a VIP you’ll have access to the Bondi Beach Balcony, your own stage, priority admission, priority bar service, and the good toilets! VIP tix are limited and just $87 pre-paid. This is an 18+, licensed event. It isn’t BYO alcohol, and photo I.D. is essential to buy and consume alcohol.
ONE of the busiest session singers in the country, Glenn Cunningham steps out of the studio to bring his brand of soul-infused, pop, blues and R’n’B to the Marble Bar. Where: Marble Bar, Sydney Hilton When: Christmas Eve Eve (23rd) Cost: Free EVERY year, Kings Cross puts on one helluva street party. With the help of hundreds of volunteers, the Wayside will create a parade complete with roving performers and live music.
When: Christmas Day (25th) Time: 12 Noon - 10pm Where: Bondi Pavilion Cost: From $59
JOIN Blues Point, whose repertoire ranges from jazz standards by Fats Waller to the hits of Elvis Presley and Queen for Carols by the Tree (plus fireworks!) Where: Darling Harbour When: Christmas Eve (24th) Cost: Free THIS exhibition showcases commercial, documentary and personal works selected by Annie Leibovitz. This is a must-see exhibit from the celebrity portrait photographer of our time.
Where: Wayside Chapel, Potts Pt When: Christmas Day (25th) Cost: Free
Where: Museum of Contemporary Art When: 9 - 5 daily (except 25th) Cost: $15
OVER the past 65 years, the Sydney to Hobart yacht race has become an icon of Australia’s summer sport. Watch as the yachts start their journey on Sydney Harbour.
THERE’S a lot of Boxing Day films released this year. From Meet the Parents: Little Fockers to The King’s Speech to The Tourist, there’s something opening for everyone.
Where: Sydney Harbour When: Boxing Day (26th), 1pm
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Lineup: Yolanda Be Cool vs. DCup, The Ping Pong DJ’s, Oakes and Lennox, Helena, Freestylers, Bag Raiders
Films: Little Fockers, Somewhere, King’s Speech, Tourist, Blue Valentine, Gulliver’s Travels.
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SYDNEY NEWS HUGH JACCIDENT WELL done, Hugh Jackman. After $4 million of our money spent on bringing the big O down under (and not the kind we were hoping for), we’ll forever be remembered as a bunch of twats who fly into national landmarks for a living. Jackman lost control near the end of his flying fox ride off the Opera House, and crashed into some light rigging which left Wolverine with minor injuries to his ‘sexiest man alive’ face. Who flies off of our landmarks, anyway? Isn’t being Wolverine enough for one man? But really, if Oprah asked you to jump off the Harbour Bridge without any bungee or harness, you’d do it... yeah you would. The stunt was supposed to be an ace start to his interview on the second of Oprah’s two Australian films last week, that is until he got too caught up in the moment and smashed his face on the scaffolding. But don’t fear, BBM readers, Hugh is fine and dandy - only asking for a tissue while he was being flung back and forward dangerously above the thousands of ectastic soccer mums. Lets face it, if Hugh fell into the ravenous pit of housewives he wouldn’t have survived - eaten alive by the followers of Oprah’s sick daytime cult. I guess it’s fair revenge for his part in The Fountain, a crazy shit film we’re still trying to understand.
get your TAX BACK
WHEN you think of Christmas, what pops into your head? An image of baby Jesus perhaps, with Mary looking over him with a big torch behind her head. Some tinsels, baubels and a tree, while Justin Bieber and Julia Gillard have it on in the hay. Okay, that last one only refers to the sick perverts who helped Biebs and the redhead top the ‘most mentioned’ list out of Facebook’s Sydney users.
A mother-of-two claims that she has caught footage of a UFO descending on a Sydney street before zipping off silently into the sunset. “I don’t know how to explain it - I’m still totally bewildered,” she said while adjusting her hat made out of tin foil. “Why would anyone make these stories up? They are setting themselves up for ridicule.” Her children were unavailable for comment as they were busy playing in their purpose built ‘anti-alien’ cage.
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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE
THE EAGLES HAVING bagged five number one singles and six number one albums, The Eagles are without doubt the stuff of musical legend. Throw into the mix the irrepressible Hotel California and the combined efforts of Glen Frey, Don Henley, Joe Walsh and Timothy B. Schmit are undeniably unmissable.
Walsh and Schmit were aboard The Eagles train in time for the visit to the famous hotel and as such could be considered part of The Eagles peak. When: 21 & 22 December Where: Rod Laver Arena Cost: $101 - $256.50
Whilst the current line-up only boasts two of the original four members, both
IT could be said that nothing beats a free night out – but often the entertainment is lacking and it would have been better to part with a couple of bucks. But when the entertainment comes in the shape of the hotly-tipped Holliava, you should ensure you are the first in the queue. Named after a bar in Richmond, this punk-pop quartet know how to entertain. Having finally
found their feet, Holliava have just set Melbourne alight with their tip top debut album Stay Where We Lay currently getting the crowds jumping! To get a real insight into one of Melbourne’s buzz bands, hop along to see Holliava. When: 23 December Where: Ruby’s Lounge, Belgrave
ANYONE who has seen the Will Ferrell movie Elf will know that the best way to bring about festive cheer is to get up in public and sing a carol as loud as your lungs will let you. But for those who may be a little bit on the shy side, Vision Australia’s Carols By Candlelight offers the perfect alternative.
promises to transport you to a world where everything is warm and fuzzy. Boasting a host of top entertainers, this singalong carol fest is the perfect way to find your festive cheer. When: December 24th Where: Sidney Myer Music Bowl Alexandra Avenue, Melbourne Cost: From $45
Christmas Eve at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl
AT the start of the 90s, Arrested Development were celebrated for bringing something fresh to the Hip Hop scene. Their spiritual connection and determination saw their debut album spiralling into the hearts of the masses, but when their follow-up failed to set the world alight, it seemed like the dream was already over. However, having reformed back in 2000,
Arrested Development have been slowly but surely rebuilding their sound and exploring new territory. With their latest, Strong, proof of how far they have come, their live show promises to be a sheer celebration of an unlikely success. When: 29th December Where: The Espy, The Esplanade, St. Kilda Cost: $50
FEELING slightly disorientated by the December sun? Well this festive treat might help trick your mind into believing that Santa really is only just around the corner!
Christmas ice show! But if that is not enough to tempt you – if you have been a good boy, you could even sit on Santa’s knee and tell him your Christmas wish!
Medibank Icehouse has gone the whole hog and transformed itself into the North Pole to not only allow you to skate under the gleaming North Pole lights, but there is also a sensational
WITH the Australian film industry getting ever closer to uniform global recognition, Comfortable Shorts offers a chance to see the best of the local short film produce. Boasting far more than just a chance to see a few short films, Comfortable Shorts features directors and writers as well as a DJ to get you moving post-film. For those hoping for their 36
When: Until December 24th Where: The Icehouse 105 Pearl River Road, Docklands
chance at two minutes of screen fame, this is a perfect chance to network. With Neighbours filmed just down the road, you never know who you might bump into! When: Tuesday 21st December Where: Loop Project Space and Bar, 23 Meyers Place, Melbourne Cost: $7 BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
100% Thrills Th hrills
ROOFTOP Katie Drover Spacey Space Agent 86 Peter Baker DANCEFLOOR Muska Freya Tigerfunk Adam Askew Jimi Danger Rooftop BBQ from 1pm Always free, always fun. Corner Brunswick Street & Rose Street Fitzroy VIC
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MELBOURNE NEWS LIVE AND LET DIVE IN A sea rescue story that sounds suspiciously like the kind of dodgy plot the makers of Baywatch would come up with, a scuba-diver managed to save a bloke who was trapped under a capsized boat after gearing-up and taking a plunge when he heard there was trouble a brewin’ on his turf. With no emergency services on the water, Bryon Marshall dived to the rescue when the 10-metre fishing charter boat was hit by a large wave and overturned off Point Nepean. One bloke was killed and 11 others saved in the incident, but there would have been another corpse on the roster if not for Bryon. Like that bit in Jaws when Richard Dreyfuss is underwater at night and that bloated corpse suddenly pokes out from a jagged hole in the hull, Bryon found
the body of one man submerged and tangled in fishing wire before coming back up for air and yelling to see if anyone was trapped in the capsized hull. As chance would have it, one scared shitless bloke was trapped in an air pocket – but didn’t have a clue how to get out. Knowing the boat, Bryon told him the route he would have to take when he dived under and, using the image of Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure as his inspiration, the poor bastard managed to swim to freedom. Just to add to his level of cool, Bryon told reporters he was ‘just doing his job’ when the story got out. Clearly he’s wrong however as his actual job is teaching people how to scuba dive. Lying bastard.
YOU MOTH-ERS! THE sight of grown men frantically flapping their hands around the head yelling ‘is it in my hair? Get it out! Get it out’ in a high-pitched girly whine can only mean one thing. Moths; butterflies ugly cousin. But while most ‘deadly moth attacks’ usually amount to a weird bit of silvery-gold glitter on the back of your hand, in Melbourne the cost is starting to escalate. To the tune of $3600 in fact.
Colonies of five or more moths have triggered protection action in Craigieburn, Truganina South, Mambourin, Mount Cottrell and Greenvale West - all new suburbs in Melbourne’s west and north.
Luckily, it’s only property developers who are paying up though – hurrah! - because of a rare species of moth that grows underground and appears briefly once every two years to fly up to 100 metres, mate, lay eggs, and then die. Sorry did we say rare? We meant pointless.
The latest discovery comes as Wyndham Council in Melbourne’s west awaits a decision from Planning Panels Victoria on a 240-hectare development of a new suburb, Truganina South.
The golden sun moth - listed as
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a critically endangered species – has already lost most of its natural habitat, so scummy estate agent mobs are being forced to bump up new house prices in order to pay for conservation.
We’re just hoping this is just an elaborate hoax for the most expensive April Fool’s Day prank ever performed.
MURPHY’S LAW JAMES Murphy, the man behind LCD Soundsystem, is wanted in connection with a brazen robbery this week – if photos of the culprit (below) released by police this week are anything to go by. In a ‘balls of steel’ style heist the man tried to gain access into a secure building in the middle of the day with a swipe card – and when that failed he persuaded an office worker to let him in instead. He then loaded up with six laptops, popped in a taxi and buggered off. Anyone who has seen James Murphy, or possibly that bloke from the Where’s Your Head At video by Basement Jaxx, is urged to call Crimestoppers.
XMAS JAM GOD knows why you’d wanna be driving about on Christmas Day when you’re more than likely still pissed, but according to new figures from VicRoads, midday is rush hour on December 25th. The figures show traffic builds from about 9am onwards reaching a orgasmic climax of mince-pie fed road rage between midday and 1pm when traffic is, as the experts say, snarled right up. After 2pm, however, it’s like Mad Max – with only the odd hoon driving his new Xmas present around. In fact the roads are as quiet after 2pm on Christmas Day as they are at 5.30am on a normal weekday. By then it’s probably too late for the ultra last-minute Christmas dash to the petrol station to buy flowers because you bought your missus the wrong pair of shoes from the ones she showed you in August.
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MELBOURNE FEATURE WHEN you hear that Melbourne ranked near the top of the world’s most livable cities, a cold chill runs down your spine. Surely the term liveable is far from sincere praise, a place that is liveable is nowhere near as appealing as somewhere trendy or cutting edge. Whilst the judges were no doubt accurate in their assessment, with Melbourne boasting a temperate climate and small town city feel, it would not have ranked so high if it did not have the amenities that set the best cities out from the rest. So, over the next few weeks here at BBM, we decided to take a moment to have a look at some of Melbourne’s biggest pulling points...
SPORT & STADIUMS Not only is sport the greatest national past-time of the beer drinking, gut growing, slur yelling nation, there is no place like Melbourne for taking advantage of this and still appearing somewhat classy. From the champagne sodden horse races of the Melbourne Cup; a day when 80% of the city’s workforce ‘chuck a sickie’, to the Boxing Day cricket at the MCG boasting so many singlet tans and VB cases, to the beautiful enthusiasm of beer spilling and bad rhymes found in Etihad Stadium every weekend at the AFL and even the good looking international tennis stars surrounded by papparazi at the Rod Laver Arena every January, it’s no wonder the world has voted Melbourne the three time Ultimate Sport city and the Top Sports Events City of 2009. That’s before mentioning the Formula One Grand Prix cheerleaders.
2011 CALENDAR Twenty20 Aus v England MCG, January 14th
Sheffield Shield Victoria v NSW MCG, February 18 - 21
Melbourne Victory v Melbourne Heart Ethiad, January 22nd
Sheffield Shield Victoria v SA MCG, March 3 - 6
NAB Cup Ethiad, February 12 & 18
Collingwood v Pt. Adelaide Ethiad, March 26th
If big events aren’t your thing and you want to get into the famous Melbourne underground culture you can take Salsa in St Kilda, basketball at the Melbourne Tigers Club, even a Sunday session of lawnbowls; the new hip social activity of every 20-something corporate. If you just want to check out a stadium the giant Melbourne and Olympic Park have fun family days, music events, even a velodrome, and are located on Batman Avenue, which should make the visit worth it just to get a photo of yourself under the street sign. And here are two of BBM’s recommendations for an ace Melbourne getaway. SurfShack is an accredited surf school which also hires boards and wetsuits. Lessons from $50 for 2 hours SurfShack Surf School Lake Entrance 507 Esplanade 03 5155 4933 SurfShack Surf School Mallacoota 41 Maurice Avenue Phone: 03 5158 0909
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Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge brings Luxury accommodation at backpacker rates to the Great Ocean Road. 23 Pascoe Street Apollo Bay Phone: 1800 157 280 0413 504 402 (03) 5237 7850 Fax: 03 523 77385 apollobaybackpackerslodge .com.au
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WHAT’S ON PERTH CHRISTMAS
FOR some, Boxing Day is the perfect occasion to unwind from the chaos of Christmas, put your feet up, and enjoy a quiet drink. Alternatively, you could opt for extreme live music carnage, dark blasts of black metal, and ferocious, evil live bands. If the latter should be to your liking, the Rocket Room unwraps the latest instalment of Boxing Day Massacre – carnage to your heart’s content. When: Boxing Day (26th) Where: Rocket Room Corner of Mountain Tce and James St, Northbridge Cost: From $12
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THIS is a summery celebration of disco, house and all things funky featuring the Perth debut from two industry legends, DJ Harvey and DJ Garth. Support throughout the day comes from some of the finest Perth DJs. The Last Chance crew will twist the Bakery into a playground of sensory delights, crazy tropical cocktails will be provided and the Gourmet BBQ will be in full effect. When: Boxing Day (26th) Where: The Bakery 233 James Street Northbridge Cost: From $20
CELEBRATING its tenth anniversary, Breakfest features a hand-picked selection of fresh and favourite artists: 2 Live Crew, Plump DJ’s, Freestylers, Freq Nasty, Kid Kenobi and many more. Perth’s only locally produced and internationally acclaimed event, Breakfest never changes, it only evolves and the focus is always on the festival-goer. When: Boxing Day (26th) Where: Belvoir Amphitheatre Cost: $88
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle
THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island
DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
BLACK BETTY’S 116 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge
ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth
OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2- 8 Francis Street, Perth
ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge
MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
BURSWOOD DOME Great Eastern Highway, Burswood
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NEW r ke Backpaic l fares a r y d a e R $ 54 > ADL MEL < > ALICE ADL < > DAR ADL < > PER SYD <
The most relaxed way to see the vast Australian Outback is by train. • Stretch your legs in your spacious recliner seat
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Darwin
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• Chill out in the lounge* • Make friends, have a snack or dinner in the licensed cafe/bar
$14 9 $19 9 $299
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Perth
Adelaide
Sydney
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Visit greatsouthernrail.com.au/backpackers or book with your licensed travel agent. Terms and conditions apply. All Backpacker ReadyRail fares are based on Red Service Day/Nighter Seat Service. For bookings made from 1 April 2010 for travel until 31 March 2011. All fares are as stated and only available online, also available in opposite direction. All fares include a fuel price surcharge. Prices are subject to change without notice, available for instant purchase. Non-refundable. *Shower and lounge facilities not available on The Overland, Melbourne <> Adelaide. An additional lounge access charge of $10 for 1-sector, $15 for 2-sector or $25 for 3-sector is required and payable onboard. Travel Agent License No.TTA164190. GSR16087/BBM/einstein
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RECRUITMENT
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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other benefits are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE. Immediate start. Full sales training. Fun working environment. Extensive travel opportunities. Call now - Sydney: (02) 9212 2668. Melbourne: (03) 9425 9444. Brisbane: (07) 3217 3307 TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
MELBOURNE
PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call jerry on 03 9867 6322 ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for fun, loud & vibrant people to come join us in our young, dynamic sales & marketing company. Have fun at work with colleagues from all over the world as well as having the opportunity to progress and earn GREAT money at the same time. â&#x20AC;˘ Get paid a competitive hourly rate! â&#x20AC;˘ Career progression opportunities! â&#x20AC;˘ Complete development & product training! â&#x20AC;˘ No experience needed! â&#x20AC;˘ Available shifts between 10am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 8pm Monday to Friday! â&#x20AC;˘ Sponsorship opportunities available! Call NOW! 03 9011 8447 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555
SYDNEY HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY: Bar Staff, Promo staff, admin staff etc. Do you have an outgoing personality & great presentation? Excellent pay rates with flexible hours of weekdays, weekends or nights. Call or 02 8399 1768
World Bar is urgently seeking an enthusiastic party person to join the hostel promotions team. Must be outgoing, friendly, approachable and not allergic to Jager! 12 to 16 hours per week, $17.80 per hour. Please send resumes to urby@theworldbar.com.
CALLING ALL WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS! -Earn great money while youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re here -Be part of an international network of companies -Fun and energetic environment Jobs available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and regional areas! 02 92111022 or email jpappalardo@appcogroup.com.au www.appcogroup.com
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PROMOTION MANAGERS WANTED. Sydneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leading event & promotion company is looking to build a team of fun, energetic and outgoing travellers to work in Sydneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best locations. Earn in excess of $1000 per week. You will need to be a highly energetic self-motivate individual with a passion for sales. Only 10 applicants will be successful. Contact: Nathan 0405 766 353
,ABOURERS WITH CARPENTRY JOINERY EXPERIENCE AN ADVANTAGE 7ORKING AS GENERAL LABOUR OR )NSTALLATION 'REEN CARD STEEL CAPS VISIBLE VEST HARD HAT 3END #6 TO RESUME TEMPYOURSNSW COM AU OR CALL
SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? â&#x20AC;˘ Generous package â&#x20AC;˘ An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! â&#x20AC;˘ Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential â&#x20AC;˘ Both face-to-face & call centre positions! â&#x20AC;˘ Complete training available â&#x20AC;˘ Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney ofďŹ ces. As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to
resumes@internode.on.net 50
BBM-587 // JOB LISTINGS
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TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS
Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies. Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat.
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!!
Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Short/long term positions avail. Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $100+ per hour
www.sirs.com.au
80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
92997771
Female Masseurs Required $110 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
(02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $110 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES
135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
BBM-587 // JOB LISTINGS
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JOB LISTINGS
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BBM-587 // JOB LISTINGS
ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840.
Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms for $160 a week max 4 bed dorms, doubles and singles rooms also available $300 a week - in the heart of the city. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com
See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au
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PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL
428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL
370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES
CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS
MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865
HUNTER VALLEY
GOLDCOAST
HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
KATOOMBA
KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
JINDABYNE
SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au
BYRON BAY
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS
NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE
LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
QUEENSLAND BRISBANE
TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au
GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
NOOSA
MISSION BEACH
www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
spbr@bigpond.net.au
CALOUNDRA
CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au
MOOLOOLABA
MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com
MACKAY
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY
NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
BBM-587 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE CAPE TRIBULATION
PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS
BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH
MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1105 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE
Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH
PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH
WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au
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ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966
madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
MONKEY MIA
TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060
MONKEY MIA
MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
KUNUNURRA
KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
VICTORIA MILDURA
RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP
BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au
www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE
GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051
(opposite Queen Vic Market)
Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!
EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA
78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com
Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au
THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au
Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.
HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au
ST. KILDA
OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au
Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
APOLLO BAY
APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN
CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au
HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS
CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH
MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
BBM-587 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE
HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”
CHRISTCHURCH
CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN
BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad
GREYMOUTH
KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz
KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND
DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz
THE RUSTY ANCHOR
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach
NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww. beachcomberfiji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfiji.com www.aquariusfiji.com
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THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji. com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
BBM-587 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au
AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com
The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au
Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND
SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj
SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101
‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
Sydney International Regatta Centre
SCUBA DIVING
Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au
Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au
Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840
AUSTRALIA
SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au
Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au
dive@fishrock.com.au
World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!
NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE
Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS
Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI
SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au
BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
KITESURF 1770 / IKO CERTIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au
JET BOATING
NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA
The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022
RAFTING
GLACIER GUIDING
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
AUSTRALIA
Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING 60
AUSTRALIA
NEW ZEALAND
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
SURFING AUSTRALIA
SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL
SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com
Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience
MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au
JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au
RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au
BUNGY JUMPING AUSTRALIA
AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com
VISIT BBMLIVE.COM FOR MORE LISTINGS
BBM-587 // ADVENTURE SPORTS GUIDE
$/.+!20%4 0TY ,TD $ , TRADING AS
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XXX DBSNBSLFU DPN BV BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
61
CRYSTAL BALLS
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week Cancer
out when you close the fridge.
Now that you are enlightened go forth with your newly
You’re contemptuous of others,
Get out and see the world - you
acquired knowledge and solve
arrogant and scornful of advice
may have the chance to find
the sudoko from the free paper
- some of which you need.
out if the hills really are
on the way to collecting your
alive with the sound of music.
social welfare.
well-deserved punches in the
Your only bad luck is standing
And stop picking your nose you
mouth. At best you’re barely
in the famous Golden Arches
disgusting creature. That’s why
acceptable, at worst you’re an
with a $5 note you found on the
that Swedish bird never came
arsehole.
street only to find fillet-o-fish
back to talk to you.
Your temper gets you many
is sold out. You’re sobbing is uncontrollable.
Aries
Leo
Life stands for “Live It For
Life will appear to be getting
Everyone” but it’s wasted on
easier for you. It may be
Scorpio
you as you have no friends
because you left the phone off
You’re practical, persistent
favour of such innovations as
and your idea of excitement is
the hook and your mum hasn’t
– and dull, dull, dull. You have
sterilisation and euthanasia for
writing please turn over on both
been able to call.
great determination and are
everybody but yourself. You
dogged and very hard working.
also lie a great deal.
is two. That’s how many times
Most people think you are
Aquarians are under the
it will take you to put your
bullheaded and stubborn. You
impression that they are the
underwear on before realising
are a Communist, a Fascist, or
children of the New Age,
they’re your female roommate’s
an accountant. You’d do well in
the Age of Aquarius. If they
It’s often said a mind is a
pants that you’ve been using to
a shit heap, where many people
are children of the New Age
terrible thing to waste. Unless
masturbate with.
who know you well, wish you
maybe we should all advocate
were.
sterilisation and euthanasia.
sides of a blank piece of paper.
Aquarius You have an inventive, progressive mind and are in
Your magic number this week Get a life you knob-faced loser.
Taurus you’re at a party and everything is free.
Virgo
Friendship is like peeing on
You can do no wrong and
Sagittarius
Pisces
yourself – everyone can see
everything will go your way.
You will feel like a mouse
Socrates once said, “My
running on a wheel this week. It
advice to you is get married: if
The bus, the cops, the ugly
might help if you turned down
you find a good wife you’ll be
neighbour with a crush on you
the setting on the treadmill
happy; if not, you’ll become a
will all help you out.
slowly before you try to get off.
philosopher.”
You’re ultraconservative and
You’ll meet your soul mate at a
Think highly of yourself - the
Why would anyone take the
terrified of taking chances. You
party. Be yourself, don’t drink
world takes you at your own
advice of Socrates, he didn’t
don’t do much of anything.
too much and you’ll enjoy a
estimate.
even write down any of his
it, but only you get the warm feeling it brings.
Gemini
sayings.
Jell-O bath with your new love. Therefore, by that logic, you are
There has never been a Gemini of much importance and they
You then realise you’ve been
should avoid standing still as
dreaming all along and you’re
they tend to root and become
homeless with no future.
trees.
62
worth a mars bar and a coke.
Capricorn
Instead, take the advice of JK Rowling who writes much better stories. Her pearls of
How do you get a Kleenex to
wisdom are: “You will lose
dance? Put a little boogey in it.
Harry Potter!”
You really are one of the most
Libra
boring individuals I’ve ever met.
The light bulb in your head will
Wrong again, Capricorn, where
If you don’t heed her words you
And I’ve met Kevin Rudd.
flicker for half a second as you
do you get these answers
will die this week - killed by a
finally figure out the light goes
from?
sexually aggressive Hagrid.
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
ASK CRYSTAL OTHER than going back to a bloke’s flat and finding out he’s hung like a maggot, this is the
get to the bottom of me.
Dear Crystal,
But you’re not the first person to
bit of fluff flicking herself off to Matt Damon every now and again?
worst thing that can happen for a girl on a one-nighter.
What the hell’s wrong with your
I KNOW this may sound silly, but I hate the fact that my girlfriend
I’ll tell you exactly what she’s
fancies celebrities.
thinking about when she stares into space – shagging that
have this problem. In fact, I’ve been left high and dry - perhaps
She’s always going on about
Bourne Ultimatum sex-god to
that should be low and sticky
Matt Damon saying he is good
within an inch of his life.
- on a number of occasions
looking and distantly staring into
RECENTLY, I’ve found myself
because of creamy pants
space – fantasising about God
You can’t tell me that you don’t
suffering from a chronic case of
syndrome.
knows what.
regularly service yourself whilst
You have two options. Try
How can I stop her liking him so
Birds have barely got their
rubbing a quick one out about an
much and make her give me the
Maybe if you were doing a better
knickers off and I’m already
hour before you get down and
attention I deserve?
job, on the job she wouldn’t think
reaching for the tissues. What
dirty or come around to mine and
shall I do?
I’ll try and get to the bottom of it.
Dear Crystal,
premature ejaculation.
Mark, Tasmania
Dear Mark,
thinking of Cameron Diaz.
Liam, Perth
of him so often.
I’d choose the latter Mark.
Dear Crystal,
If you’re very lucky you can also
YOU ARE an insecure and
running into Matt Damon and
jealous idiot aren’t you?
getting it on with him are nil.
On the plus side, the chances of your mentally cheating whore
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@britishballs.com
JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
I REMEMBER at school when I asked a girl to draw around my penis as a joke onto a piece of paper. She agreed and as I flopped it out she asked, “Have you got a felt tip?” I said,”No, that’s just a piece of fluff.” John, Wollongong I DON’T like children. What people don’t seem to realise is that babies are here to replace us. Once you understand that you can see just how sinister they are. Jack, Chicago I HATE people that say, “He’s a nice person once you get to know him.” They might as well just say, “He’s a dickhead, but you’ll get used to it.” Dexy, Surry Hills AFTER making love to my girlfriend I always make sure I tell her those three special words. Now fuck off. Peter, Yorkshire I’VE decided to go on X Factor next year to fullfill my dream on the stage. I’m going to shag Cheryl Cole. Ted, Leeds
64
LAST Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you correctly pointed out that it could not be mine as I was still alive and that your fiancé had been missing for a week. Timothy, Perth WELL, that’s my Christmas ruined. I’ve just seen on Wikileaks what my parents have got me. Rick, Darwin I SAW a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today. Well I’m assuming she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse. Jimbo, Townsville JUST downloaded the new FIFA World Cup game to my Laptop. Tried to open the file and it said it was corrupt. Sam, Derby BBC HEADLINE: “Melted snow could freeze and turn to ice.” Looks like someone has a degree in chemistry Roger, Randwick
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Pl Manchester United 16 Arsenal 17 Manchester City 17 Chelsea 17 Tottenham Hotspur 17 Bolton Wanderers 17 Sunderland 17 Newcastle United 17 Liverpool 17 West Bromwich Albion 17 Blackpool 16 Stoke City 17 Blackburn Rovers 17 Aston Villa 17 Everton 17 Birmingham City 17 Fulham 17 Wigan Athletic 17 Wolverhampton Wanderers 17 West Ham United 17
W 9 10 9 9 7 6 5 6 6 6 6 6 6 5 3 3 2 3 4 2
D 7 2 5 4 6 8 9 4 4 4 4 3 3 5 9 9 10 7 3 6
L 0 5 3 4 4 3 3 7 7 7 6 8 8 7 5 5 5 7 10 9
+/20 15 11 19 3 6 2 1 -1 -5 -5 -1 -5 -9 -2 -3 -4 -15 -12 -15
LEAGUE 1
CHAMPIONSHIP Pts 34 32 32 31 27 26 24 22 22 22 22 21 21 20 18 18 16 16 15 12
Pl 20 21 21 21 21 21 21 21 20 20 21 20 21 20 19 20 20 21 20 20 21 21 20 21
Queens Park Rangers Cardiff City Swansea City Leeds United Coventry City Norwich City Derby County Watford Burnley Barnsley Millwall Portsmouth Leicester City Reading Nottingham Forest Doncaster Rovers Bristol City Ipswich Town Hull City Sheffield United Middlesbrough Crystal Palace Scunthorpe United Preston North End
W 11 11 11 10 10 9 9 8 7 8 7 8 8 6 6 7 7 7 5 6 6 6 6 5
D 8 4 4 5 4 6 3 6 8 5 7 4 4 9 9 6 5 3 8 4 3 3 2 4
L 1 6 6 6 7 6 9 7 5 7 7 8 9 5 4 7 8 11 7 10 12 12 12 12
+/24 13 10 2 5 4 7 5 6 -4 3 1 -4 6 4 -3 -4 -8 -6 -12 -10 -13 -12 -14
Pts 41 37 37 35 34 33 30 30 29 29 28 28 28 27 27 27 26 24 23 22 21 21 20 19
Pl Brighton 19 Sheffield Wednesday 20 Huddersfield Town 19 Charlton Athletic 19 AFC Bournemouth 19 Colchester United 19 Oldham Athletic 18 Peterborough United 19 Southampton 19 Brentford 19 Carlisle United 19 Hartlepool United 18 Exeter City 19 Milton Keynes Dons FC 19 Plymouth Argyle 19 Leyton Orient 19 Swindon Town 19 Rochdale 19 Notts County 18 Tranmere Rovers 19 Bristol Rovers 19 Dagenham & Redbridge 19 Walsall 19 Yeovil Town 19
W 10 10 10 9 8 7 7 9 8 8 7 7 7 8 7 6 6 5 7 6 5 4 5 4
D 6 3 2 5 6 9 8 2 4 4 6 5 5 2 4 6 6 7 1 4 7 6 2 4
LEAGUE 2
L 3 7 7 5 5 3 3 8 7 7 6 6 7 9 8 7 7 7 10 9 7 9 12 11
+/16 17 10 6 15 2 6 -2 8 2 6 -3 -6 -7 -4 1 -3 1 -5 -8 -11 -11 -14 -16
Pts 36 33 32 32 30 30 29 29 28 28 27 26 26 26 25 24 24 22 22 22 22 18 17 16
Chesterfield Port Vale Bury Rotherham United Shrewsbury Town Wycombe Wanderers Torquay United Cheltenham Town Crewe Alexandra Macclesfield Town Stevenage Football Club Burton Albion Gillingham Bradford City Northampton Town Oxford United Southend United Aldershot Town Accrington Stanley Morecambe Stockport County Lincoln City Barnet Hereford United
Pl 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 20 19 19 19 19 19 20 18 20 19
W 11 10 10 9 9 8 7 7 6 7 5 6 6 7 6 6 6 5 4 5 4 5 5 3
D 5 6 4 7 6 7 7 6 8 4 9 6 6 3 6 5 5 7 9 6 8 4 4 6
L 3 3 5 3 4 4 5 6 5 8 5 7 7 9 8 8 8 7 6 8 8 9 11 10
+/16 16 14 9 13 7 8 -3 12 -5 4 3 -3 -3 -6 -2 -2 -7 -3 -6 -20 -12 -13 -17
L 1 1 3 5 4 6 6 7 7 6 7 7 6 8 7 8 6 10 8 8
+/38 26 14 0 4 5 3 -3 -3 -2 -5 -4 -6 -10 -5 -7 -9 -12 -11 -13
Pts 38 36 34 34 33 31 28 27 26 25 24 24 24 24 24 23 23 22 21 21 20 19 19 15
EUROPEAN LEAGUES
FOCUS ON... FRANCE HEADLINE of the week comes from Marseille this week: “Deschamps gives up on Fanni”. Apparently, Marseille manager Didier Deschamps was keen on Rennais defender Ron Fanni but has given up on him. Not that interesting we know but we just had to mention that headline. In other news, Paris Saint-Germain winger Nene has been voted Ligue 1’s Foreign Player of the Year by France Football magazine. The 29-year old Brazilian has been a huge success since signing from Monaco in July, scoring 11 goals in 17 games and helping the Parisian club to second in the table.
Lille OSC Paris Saint-Germain Olympique Lyon Rennes Olympique Marseille Stade Brest Saint-Etienne Girondins Bordeaux Montpellier HSC FC Sochaux FC Lorient Toulouse FC AS Nancy AJ Auxerre OGC Nice Valenciennes AS Monaco Caen
Pl 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17
W 8 8 8 7 7 7 6 6 7 7 7 7 6 4 5 4 2 3
D 7 6 5 7 6 5 7 7 4 3 3 3 4 9 6 7 9 6
L 2 3 4 3 4 5 4 4 6 7 7 7 7 4 6 6 6 8
+/12 11 5 6 10 5 4 3 -4 7 1 -1 -7 3 -4 0 -2 -10
Pts 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 25 25 24 24 24 22 21 21 19 15 15
SERIE A AC Milan Juventus Napoli Lazio Palermo AS Roma Internazionale Sampdoria Udinese Genoa Cagliari Chievo Fiorentina Bologna Catania Parma Brescia Lecce Cesena Bari
Pl 16 16 16 16 16 16 15 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 15 16
W 11 8 9 9 8 7 6 5 7 6 5 5 5 5 4 4 4 4 3 2
D 3 6 3 3 2 5 5 8 2 3 5 5 4 5 6 6 3 3 3 4
LA LIGA L 2 2 4 4 6 4 4 3 7 7 6 6 7 6 6 6 9 9 9 10
+/17 15 8 7 7 1 6 5 1 -2 4 0 -1 -7 -5 -6 -8 -17 -10 -15
Pts 36 30 30 30 26 26 23 23 23 21 20 20 19 19 18 18 15 15 12 10
FC Barcelona Real Madrid Villarreal CF RCD Espanyol Valencia CF Atlético Madrid Getafe CF Athletic Bilbao Real Sociedad RCD Mallorca Sevilla FC Hércules CF Deportivo La Coruña Racing Santander Osasuna Levante UD UD Almería Málaga CF Sporting Gijón Real Zaragoza
Pl 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15
W 13 12 9 9 7 7 7 7 7 6 6 5 4 5 4 4 2 4 2 1
D 1 2 3 1 4 2 2 1 1 3 2 3 5 2 4 3 7 1 5 6
Pts 40 38 30 28 25 23 23 22 22 21 20 18 17 17 16 15 13 13 11 9
SCOTTISH PREMIER Rangers Celtic Heart of Midlothian Inverness Motherwell Kilmarnock Dundee United St. Johnstone Hibernian St. Mirren Hamilton Academical Aberdeen
66
Pl 15 15 16 16 15 15 14 16 15 16 15 16
W 12 11 10 7 7 6 5 5 4 3 2 3
D 2 2 2 5 2 2 4 3 3 4 4 1
L 1 2 4 4 6 7 5 8 8 9 9 12
+/19 23 15 8 5 6 -5 -11 -8 -13 -18 -21
Pts 38 35 32 26 23 20 19 18 15 13 10 10
BBM-587 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SCOREBOARD FOOTBALL RESULTS Thursday, 16 December Uefa Europa League AEK Athens 0-3 Zenit St Petersburg Anderlecht 2-0 Hajduk Split Aris Salonika 2-0 Rosenborg Bayer Leverkusen 1-1 Atletico Madrid Debrecen 2-0 Sampdoria Getafe 1-0 Young Boys Juventus 1-1 Man City Levski Sofia 1-0 Sporting Lille 3-0 AA Gent PSV Eindhoven 0-0 FC Metalist Kharkiv Red Bull Salzburg 0-1 Lech Poznan VfB Stuttgart 5-1 Odense BK Wednesday, 15 December Uefa Europa League AZ Alkmaar 3-0 BATE Borisov Besiktas 2-0 Rapid Vienna Club Bruges 1-2 Villarreal Dinamo Zagreb 0-1 PAOK Salonika Dynamo Kiev 0-0 FC Sheriff Tiraspol FC Porto 3-1 CSKA Sofia Karpaty Lviv 1-1 Paris SG Lausanne Sports 0-1 Palermo Liverpool 0-0 FC Utrecht Napoli 1-0 Steaua Bucharest Sevilla 2-2 Borussia Dortmund Sparta Prague 1-1 CSKA Moscow FIFA Club World Cup Pachuca 2-2 Al-Wahda (Pachuca win 4-2 on pens) Seongnam Chunma 0-3 Inter Milan Scottish League Third Division Arbroath 0-0 Stranraer The FA Carlsberg Trophy Gloucester 3-0 Cirencester Tuesday, 14 December The FA Cup Hartlepool 4-2 Yeovil Notts County 3-1 Bournemouth FIFA Club World Cup TP Mazembe Englebert 2-0 Internacional Npower League Two Cheltenham 0-2 Southend Clydesdale Bank Premier League Motherwell 1-2 Hearts Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Brentford 0-0 Charlton (Brentford win 3-1 on pens) Bristol Rovers 2-2 Exeter (Exeter win 5-4 on pens) Tranmere 0-2 Huddersfield Scottish League First Division Dundee 3-0 Cowdenbeath Dunfermline 0-0 Partick Thistle Ross County 2-2 Morton Scottish League Second Division Peterhead 5-1 Airdrie Utd Scottish League Third Division Elgin 2-2 Albion The FA Carlsberg Trophy Alfreton Town 3-0 Hyde Blyth Spartans 2-0 Fleetwood Town Curzon Ashton 0-2 Altrincham Dartford 1-0 Crawley Town Gateshead 2-2 Southport Kettering 1-2 Chasetown (AET) Sutton Utd 0-4 Eastleigh Welling 1-2 Luton Worksop 0-5 Mansfield Blue Square North Redditch 0-5 Nuneaton Blue Square South Maidenhead Utd 1-1 Boreham Wood Principality Building Society Welsh Premier League Airbus UK 1-1 Bangor City Carling Premiership Donegal Celtic 1-4 Glenavon Monday, 13 December Barclays Premier League Man Utd 1-0 Arsenal Blue Square North Worcester 4-1 Vauxhall Motors Sunday, 12 December Barclays Premier League Bolton 2-1 Blackburn Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea Wolverhampton 1-0 Birmingham Npower League One Charlton 0-1 Walsall The FA Carlsberg Trophy Luton 0-0 Welling PBS Welsh Premier League Bala Town 0-2 Neath Saturday, 11 December Barclays Premier League
68
Aston Villa 2-1 West Brom Everton 0-0 Wigan Fulham 0-0 Sunderland Newcastle 3-1 Liverpool Stoke 0-1 Blackpool West Ham 1-3 Man City FIFA Club World Cup Al-Wahda 1-4 Seongnam Chunma Npower Championship Barnsley 1-0 Sheff Utd Bristol City 2-0 Derby Burnley 2-3 Leeds United Crystal Palace 0-0 Hull Leicester 5-1 Doncaster Middlesbrough 1-0 Cardiff Norwich 0-2 Portsmouth Preston 1-0 Ipswich Reading 0-0 Coventry Npower League One Bournemouth 0-1 Hartlepool Carlisle 0-2 Dag & Red Colchester 0-0 Yeovil Huddersfield 2-1 Brighton Notts County 2-0 MK Dons Plymouth 2-0 Exeter Sheff Wed 6-2 Bristol Rovers Southampton 0-2 Brentford Tranmere 1-2 Leyton Orient Npower League Two Barnet 2-0 Accrington Stanley Bradford 1-0 Hereford Burton Albion 3-1 Southend Chesterfield 1-0 Torquay Macclesfield 2-4 Gillingham Morecambe 1-0 Port Vale Rotherham 1-0 Aldershot Shrewsbury 1-1 Cheltenham Stevenage 0-1 Northampton Stockport 3-3 Crewe Wycombe 1-0 Bury Clydesdale Bank Premier League Hearts 5-0 Aberdeen Inverness CT 1-1 Rangers St Mirren 1-2 St Johnstone Scottish League First Division Dunfermline 1-0 Queen of South Morton 0-1 Dundee Partick Thistle 1-1 Ross County Scottish League Second Division East Fife 6-0 Stenhousemuir Peterhead 0-5 Brechin Scottish League Third Division Montrose 0-1 Elgin Stranraer 1-1 Berwick The FA Carlsberg Trophy AFC Sudbury 1-4 Hampton & Richmond AFC Wimbledon 3-0 Braintree Town Ashford Town (Middx) 1-0 AFC Hornchurch Barrow 2-3 Guiseley Basingstoke 0-2 Salisbury Cambridge Utd 2-1 Forest Green Chasetown 3-3 Kettering Cirencester 1-1 Gloucester Crawley Town 3-2 Dartford Dorchester 3-0 St Albans Droylsden 4-3 Hinckley Utd Eastbourne Boro 3-1 Boreham Wood Eastleigh 1-1 Sutton Utd Ebbsfleet United 3-1 Hayes & Yeading Grimsby 3-0 Redditch Harlow 0-2 Woking Harrogate Town 0-3 AFC Telford Histon 2-3 Bath City Lowestoft Town 2-3 Uxbridge Newport County 0-0 Wealdstone Rushden & D’mnds 1-1 Eastwood Town Stalybridge 2-1 Nantwich Town Worcester 1-0 Northwich Wrexham 2-0 Kidderminster York 0-1 Boston Utd Blue Square North Solihull Moors 1-1 Nuneaton Stafford Rangers 0-2 Workington Blue Square South Bishop’s Stortford 1-0 Thurrock Dover 2-2 Maidenhead Utd Havant and W 0-3 Farnborough Weston-S-Mare 7-0 Bromley Scot-Ads Highland Football League Buckie Thistle 2-1 Brora Clachnacuddin 1-2 Deveronvale PPBS Welsh Premier League Aberystwyth 1-3 Bangor City Airbus UK 4-0 Haverfordwest Carmarthen 1-1 Newtown Port Talbot 0-2 The New Saints Carling Premiership Crusaders 3-1 Portadown
FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague.com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.
Prizes
(in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
#
TEAM
MANAGER
GW
TOT
1
every week you
dan magee
56
928
2
alovelycupoftea
James Horrocks
40
918
3
Dizzying Heights FC
Siva Iyer
40
916
4
Stop, Hammertime!
Paul Steadman
43
880
5
Evertonian
John Armitage
51
877
5
Ozzies Allstars ***
James Osborne
45
877
7
Alcohol Fc
Ron f
39
875
8
Mukin Fagic
Luke Gately
40
872
9
Rootin & Tootin
Oisin Coveney
27
858
10
Holy-family ‘B’ team
Pat Mustard
42
855
11
Your Ma’s Athletic
brian o gorman
40
846
12
bobby dazzlerz
tom mcelwain
62
837
13
Arsenal
Brian Harvey
44
835
14
KOP THAT
Tony Hagan
48
833
15
Tallulah
Neil Weaver
55
833
16
Juggernauts
Gaurav Rana
51
829
17
Alan’s Deep Bath
jason kerley
38
829
18
stopcallingitsoccer
Tom Davis
40
821
19
TippytappyFC
Richie Egan
37
811
20
Hardly Athletic
Grant Haworth
32
807
New Entry
Ranking Increased
Ranking stayed the same
Ranking Fell
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ASHES NEWS WAUGH: WHAT’S PONTING GOOD FOR?
ENGLAND’S Ashes squad arrive in Australia next week – and for once BBM isn’t a month behind the news. We’re talking about the women’s team.
POOR old Ricky Ponting. Actually, scratch that, we’ll start again. Ricky Ponting – what a twat. He maybe the most successful cricket captain in history, but he’s also in line to become the first Aussie skipper to lose three Ashes series in 120 years. And, as we mentioned, he’s also a twat. So what to do if England win the Ashes again? Surely he’d have to go as captain – but he’d still be crucial to a weakening Aussie batting lineup. The logical decision would be to give the captaincy to someone with an ounce of intelligence (difficult with Australians we know) and keep Ponting as a top-order batsman. Apparently that’s not going to happen – according to Steve Waugh anyway. “He’s played 150 Tests and has an amazing record, he’s batted number three most of his career, I can’t see why
IT’S LADIES FIGHT
he’d want to slip down the order and not be captain,” said Waugh. “Ricky will know what’s going on inside of him. “You’ve got to be brutally honest with yourself - is this the right time, have I got more left, can I improve, can I take the side up to the next notch or is it going the other way?”
The English ladies have held the Ashes since 2005 and are set to go head to head with the Aussies in the new year. Unlike their male brethren, the women only play one Test (at Bankstown Oval) to decide the, ahem, series, but will be playing a few one-dayers and T20 matches while they’re here as well. Unfortunately, none of them are good looking. You’d maybe do seam-bowler Laura Marsh (below) if you had the beer goggles on but that’s about it.
In other words, if the Aussies do bring in a captain who actually knows what he’s doing, they’ll also lose their best batsman. And with Mike Hussey approaching his 65th birthday, it looks like this series could just be the dawn of a new age of Aussie embarrassments.
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70
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ASHES FEATURE FEUDS FOR THOUGHT
ANYONE else getting a bit bored of tonking the Aussies? It’s all so predictable right? Yawn. Call us when you’ve got a decent attack lads and we might consider a game. Luckily, there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned feud to stoke the fires of interest and the Ian Chappell v Ian Botham affair last week got us casting our minds back to our favourite five tete-et-tete’s in the game…
TEST DATES 25–29 November (Brisbane, The Gabba) Result: MATCH DRAWN 3–7 December (Adelaide, Adelaide Oval) Result: ENGLAND WON 16–20 December (Perth, WACA Ground) Result: -
SHANE WARNE V DARYLL CULLINAN This pair used to sledge the shit out of each other. The problem was it only seemed to effect Cullinan’s game. The South African, who’s jibes at Warne were almost exclusively weight related, then made the fatal mistake of revealing in an interview that he’d sought psychiatric help. “Daryll, I’ve waited so long for this moment and I’m going to send you straight back to the leather couch,” said Warne when they squared up in 1997. Cullinan was out for nought and missed the rest of the series.
26–30 December (Melbourne, Melbourne Cricket Ground) Result: 3–7 January (Sydney, Sydney Cricket Ground) Result: -
MERV HUGHES V MIKE ATHERTON A pioneer in the field of sledging, Merv delighted in what he called “verbal pressure” and claimed it brought him around a quarter of his 212 Test wickets. “He was all bristle and bullshit and I couldn’t make out what he was saying, except that every sledge ended with ‘arsewipe’...” said Atherton, who then took the genius move of getting to know Hughes. After socialising together, Athers would laugh off his sledges and scored well off Hughes in the next two Ashes series.
ALLAN DONALD V MIKE ATHERTON For an affable bloke, Athers seems to get under people’s skin quite easily. Atherton’s brilliant effort in Johannesburg in 1995-96 provided the basis for the rivalry. Trent Bridge in 1998 was the highlight, though, when Athers refused to walk despite plainly gloving a catch to the keeper. Donald’s decline from demonic pace to uncontrollable impotence via colourful expletives was some kind of crazy beautiful.
DENNIS LILLEE V DEREK RANDALL Randall’s knack of giving a running commentary on his own innings somewhat understandably used to piss people off. Randall drove the Australians up the wall with his antics. In 1977, during the innings of his life, he hooked, pulled and fell out of the way of bouncers. “That was a good one, Mr Lillee!” he would shout, grinning broadly. Lillee normally liked to sledge but nothing he said had an effect on the mad bastard. “I hate bowling at you,” Lillee once snarled.
GEOFF LAWSON V DESMOND HAYNES Way back when the Windies used to be pretty good, the Aussies were still being arrogant bastards and refused to believe their opponents were better than them. Haynes said of Lawson that he “was always chatting, saying abusive things”. At Brisbane, Lawson needled Haynes into making a two-fingered gesture. Relations between the sides went into freefall and the teams endured two further acrimonious series - although Lawson’s involvement did not get beyond one match because his jaw got in the way of another Caribbean cannon. 72
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WORLD SPORT THE PARENTS TRAP CRICKET: Hello. Sounds like someone’s been watching Meet The Parents at the MCC, presumably before a Christmas trip to see the new Fockers movie. For inspiration has hit Cricket’s lawmakers in their attempts to root out the scourge that is spot-fixing – they’re on about using lie detectors.
captains to take more responsibility.
A REAL TEST
Getting rid of that twat in charge of the Pakistan team would probably help as well.
CRICKET: Blimey it’s a BBM cricket special this week. For once, however, it’s nothing to do with the Ashes or spot-fixing. Hurrah!
“The committee is concerned at the scale of the problem, and the detrimental effect it has placed on the integrity of the game,” a statement said following a meeting in Perth ahead of the third Ashes Test.
Admitting to concerns over the sport’s reputation, the MCC committee - which includes past players Steve Waugh, Barry Richards and Courtney Walsh - also called for better education and for
Well we’re sure a terse statement will have the desired effect. Well done team!
ON ME HENSON RUGBY UNION: Perma-tanned poncey former Charlotte Church shagger, Gavin Henson (right), could be in line for a Wales recall, according to former star Phil Bennett.
Instead it’s a match that should actually prove interesting, rather than the one-way procession that is the Ashes series (which is a very brave statement to make considering we’re writing this after the first session of the Perth Test… but what the hell!). It’s India v South Africa, the world’s No.1 team versus the No.2 team, in a grand royal battle for the top, top title, with the first game of a threematch Test series having kicked off on Thursday. The Indians have only one victory from 12 Tests in South Africa, which came at Johannesburg in December 2006 – but only a mad bastard would write them off as they’re bloody awesome at the minute. Awesome! Whatever way you look at it, it’s sure to be a humdinger. Yessirree Bob.
Scarlets fly-half Stephen Jones faces up to four weeks out after straining a ligament in his left knee in their Heineken Cup win against Treviso. “What happens if Stephen Jones wasn’t available for Wales?” Bennett said. “Would [Wales coach] Warren Gatland switch James Hook... Dan Biggar didn’t have the greatest autumn... then the name that struck me - Gavin Henson.” It’s unknown how long Bennett has been mentally ill but the signs look grim.
BACK WITH A BAN SNOOKER: Cheating bastard John Higgins (left) made a double whammy comeback-comeback to claim the UK Championship this week. Returning for his first tournament following a six-month ban for match-fixing, Higgins made a remarkable reverse in the final to beat Mark Williams 10-9 despite being 9-5 down at one stage. “It’s been a tough six months but to come here and win the second biggest ranking event was a very proud moment,” said Higgins while jazzing over Gabby Logan on BBC 5 live. 74
BUNCH OF DOPES OLYMPICS: Bloody hell, make your mind up. Aren’t you supposed to punish drug cheats in athletics? Shouldn’t the British Olympic Association be applauded for their hardline stance of lifetime bans for athletes who test positive for doping? Apparently not – and that’s according to the head of the UK Anti Doping Agency, Andy Parkinson, who sees himself as some kind of spy catching worm turner. Parkinson believes athletes are deterred from giving information about suppliers in order to avoid suspensions which ban them from the Olympics.
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FOOTBALL
VIEW: WITH LORNA EVIO
BBM SEES RED SO WHAT is Roberto Mancini to do? His number one goalscorer and the reason Manchester City have managed to stay in the top four, wants out.
and are being patient. Which could mean he’ll be fired next week but we suspect not. See Liverpool fans, Hodgson is looking to the ‘long-term’ future of the club. How long exactly that is, is anyone’s guess but you can write off this season for a start.
Apparently, not even a captain’s arm band or £30 squijilion could make Carlos Tevez respect his current employers enough to tempt him into staying at the club. Apparently, his relationship with certain executives with the club is ‘beyond repair’. So it has nothing to do wanting more dollars then eh Carlos, you ugly, ugly git? He also claims he’s home sick. Maybe he can go back home and play for the mighty Boca? But we at BBM have a hard time believing that he would opt for a real significant pay cut. Especially, since all this was done while holidaying in
76
a five star resort in Tenerife. At least Roberto Mancini can be thankful he still has a job, because it seems like it’s anyone’s guess who’s going to get fired at the minute. While some were surprised by Big Sam Allardyce’s sacking, more were shocked by Chris Hughton’s sudden departure from Newcastle the week before. Just what
the hell can Alan Pardew do for the club? Well, apparently he can beat Liverpool. Then again who hasn’t? Speaking of which... one man who is used to criticism is Roy Hodgson. Even after the Newcastle demolishing, Hodgson has “no fears” about his job at Anfield. He has made it clear that the new owners understand him
Carlo Ancelotti has also let the public know he has the full support of Roman Abramovich. His job, apparently, is not under threat and Abramovich might, just might, open his wallet in the transfer window. And Carlos Tevez is free right? Interesting... And while all this is happening, Sir Alex Ferguson sips his red wine with a smug grin on his face and his nose becoming purpler by the second. As much as we hate to admit it, it looks like we might be seeing red at the end of the season.
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FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
HE’S LITERALLY CRAP Jamie Redknapp’s contribution to the world of sports journalism has finally been rewarded after the tool won the ‘Foot in Mouth’ trophy at the Plain English Campaign’s annual awards ceremony. Among other crimes, Redknapp’s most frequent offence is his liberal misuse of the word ‘literally’. For example: “These balls now - they literally explode off your feet.” Another of his comments: “Steven Gerrard makes runs into the box better than anyone. So does Frank Lampard,” was also used as evidence of Grade A idiocy. FIFA president, Sepp Blatter (AKA The Emperor from Star Wars) has once again outraged with his inimitable Gallic charm by saying gay people shouldn’t have sex at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. Asked about concerns over the treatement of gay fans in a country where homosexuality is illegal, Blatter laughed off the question, saying: “I would say they should refrain from any sexual activities.” He then added: “Now feel the power of the dark side!” before discharging a bolt of blue electricity from his hands at reporters. Blackburn’s new owners have shown they do have some small
amount of football knowledge after ruling out Maradona as a potential new manager. “He is not being considered, not now and forever in the future. I can assure you there is nothing we are having to do with Diego Maradona,” harrumphed a club spokesman. Out with the old, in with the new at Wales with rumours that national coach Gary Speed is set to usher in an exciting new era by bringing some fresh faces into the squad – Robbie Savage and Ryan Giggs. The stagnant swamp of reeking piss that is the Scottish league could be set for a long overdue shakeup following the release of Henry McLeish’s review of Scotch football. The review recommends a two-tier top flight with 10 teams in each division, the return of a winter break, fewer governing bodies and regionalisation. All good ideas – which almost certainly means they will be ignored by the SFA. Why the Super Furry Animals are involved remains a mystery. Tony Pulis and Arsene Wenger have donned comedy Scouse accents and said “calm down, calm down!” a lot ahead of Stoke’s trip to Arsenal. “He’s a great lad, an honest lad. It was an honest challenge.
THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!
There was no malice in that tackle whatsoever. I know he is an honest person, that he doesn’t have that within him to go out and hurt someone. He made an honest, committed challenge,” said Pulis in an attempt to break the world record for using the word ‘honest’ in a single paragraph to defend Ryan Shawcross’s legbreaking tackle on Jack Wilshere. Frank Lampard, whose name sounds suspiciously like fat lump of lard, is back off the pies and set to make his first start since August when Chelsea host Manchester United on Sunday night. Bond-villain lookalike Avram Grant has apparently been told to win one of his next three games or he’ll be given the boot by West Ham. The fact that they’d still be bottom even if he managed it has clearly escaped the club’s owners. Craig Brown says he has no reason to feel guilty for leaving Motherwell, despite stating his commitment to the club 24 hours before walking out. “I don’t want to add fuel to the fire but what I will say is my conscience is clear,” he said, shovelling petrol-soaked coal on to the glowing embers.
with ace pundit Chris Kamara
“Roma striker Adriano has won Italy’s infamous Golden Bin award for a third time after again being voted Serie A’s worst player by fans.
The burly Brazilian, given the Rai Radio 2 prize by listeners in 2006 and 2007 while playing for Inter Milan, returned to Italy with Roma at the start of the season after a stint at Brazil’s Flamengo. Adriano received almost double the votes of inconsistent Juventus forward Amauri in second while Milan’s Brazilian Ronaldinho was third having mainly warmed the bench of late. Unbelievable Jeff! 78
QUOTES OF THE WEEK “Arsenal is a training centre. I watch them play and enjoy it but will they win the title? That’s what people remember. Arsenal are a great club but it has been five years since they won anything and that for me is a crisis. Our real enemy is Chelsea.” Patrice Evra endears himself to Arsenal fans. Predictably Arsene Wenger wasn’t overly amused: “They are harsh words, not only with regard to the team but also towards the club, which I will treat with a little disdain. In sport, everyone must respect their opponent. His comments are surprising, badly placed, below the belt. And below-the-belt remarks are always based on fear.” “I think we confirmed what I’d said before the match.” Evra has the last laugh after United’s 1-0 win. “He phoned me at 3.10pm today saying ‘can I have a cup of tea tonight?’ because he was coming to the game. Then he phones me at half past four and says ‘I’ve been sacked’. I’ve never heard of such a stupid decision in all my life, it’s absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know what they’re doing up there, but deary me. It confounds common sense to be honest with you. Absolutely ridiculous.” Sir Alex Ferguson considers employing Sam Allardyce as his new tea boy. “In the first match at the national stadium there was dog mess all over the pitch. So I got the groundsman to move it and he just tossed it in the long jump sandpit. One time a cow walked across the training field and made a mess, too - right in the middle of the pitch. When we went to train on Tuesday there were massive spikes sticking out of the ground.” For some reason Tony Adams is surprised football in Azerbaijan isn’t quite at Premier League level.
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FOOTBALL
FEATURE
NO MORE MR DYCE GUY ‘TIS the season folks! The season to royally screw over perfectly good managers. Hot on the heels of the sheer Toon lunacy of sacking Chris Hughton (should that be Toonacy?), comes the news that Blackburn have packed off luckless Sam Allardyce – who only last week was blathering on about how he sympathised with Hughton after being given the chop by Newcastle himself for no good reason in the dim but not so distant past. And lo the footballing gods did demonstrate their sense of irony
as poor old Sam was officially given the boot this week for the crime of having an annoying earpiece and chewing too much gum. Possibly. And lo, the League Manager’s Association were predictably as sick as parrots. Mighty was their wrath as they aimed the finger of blame squarely at Blackburn’s rich new owners and pointed out that the club were certain relegation fodder when poor old Sam took over a couple of years ago.
League mainstays despite not having two Lancashire hot pots to rub together. For some reason the LMA didn’t mention the 7-1 hammering to Man Utd a couple of weeks ago, weird that, but still, there’s no doubt it’s a bit harsh on old Sam... so to cheer him up, BBM has pulled together a top five daftest managerial sackings of all time list! He’s not on there though. Man the fuck up Sam. And start playing a more attractive style of football while you’re at it. You might actually hold on to a job for once if you did...
GIANLUCA VIALLI
After the boatrocking departure of Ruud Gullit, Vialli didn’t just steady the ship – he went on to win the League Cup and the Cup Winners’ Cup. He then won the FA Cup in 2000 – but was sacked by Ken Bates five games into the following season for “losing the dressing room”. Which as we all know is chairman speak for “I didn’t like his face.”
npower League 1 Brentford v Huddersfield Bristol Rovers v Colchester Dag & Red v Peterborough Exeter City v Sheff Weds Hartlepool v Charlton Leyton Orient v Plymouth MK Dons v Oldham Rochdale v Bournemouth Swindon v Tranmere Walsall v Southampton Yeovil v Carlisle Utd
TOP FIVE DAFTEST MANAGERIAL SACKINGS... MAY 2007: TORQUAY
SEPT 2000: CHELSEA
LEROY ROSENIOR
SEPT 1997: CARLISLE
MERVYN DAY
Back in BBM’s day, Carlisle were the club that always somehow managed to avoid relegation to the Conference by some fluke or other. So when Mervyn Day got them promoted to the third tier in his first full season in 1997, he should have been heralded right? Well he wasn’t. Instead infamous chairman Michael Knighton had the and genius idea of being manager himself – so fired Day took charge. Inevitably, they were relegated.
OCT 1973: DERBY COUNTY
BRIAN CLOUGH
After turning a no-mark second-tier club into English champions in 1972, followed by a European Cup semifinal spot the following year (where they were beaten by a referee who later admitted to being bribed by Juventus) Old Big Ed was given the boot by the Derby chairman for being too outspoken. Now Derby are more famous for being officially the worst Premier League side ever. Funny how it works out. 80
Saturday 18th December Barclays Premier League Arsenal v Stoke City Birmingham v Newcastle Blackburn v West Ham Liverpool v Fulham Sunderland v Bolton Wigan Athletic v Aston Villa npower Championship Cardiff City v Burnley Coventry v Norwich Derby v Reading Hull City v Bristol City Ipswich v Leicester Leeds Utd v QPR Millwall v Barnsley Nottm Forest v C.Palace Portsmouth v Scunthorpe Sheff Utd v Swansea City Watford v Preston NE
And lo they did state that he’s since turned them into Premier
They say ‘never go back’ in football – Leroy didn’t even get that far. After leading the club to promotion in 2004, Rosenior returned to Plainmoor for a second spell in May 2007 after leaving Brentford. Ten minutes after his introductory press conference the chairman, Mike Bateson, announced that he had sold the club and Leroy had no future under the new regime.
WEEKEND FIXTURES
JULY 1977: MAN UTD
TOMMY DOCHERTY In what sounds suspiciously like the start of a soft porn movie, Docherty was famously sacked for letting the club physio’s wife, Mary, give him a few too many ‘happy endings’. United’s moral crusade backfired slightly – with replacement manager Dave Sexton proving shit, while Docherty’s resulting marriage to Mary has lasted 33 years and counting.
npower League 2 Accrington v Burton Albion Aldershot v Lincoln City Bury v Stevenage Cheltenham v Stockport Crewe v Bradford Gillingham v Chesterfield Hereford v Macclesfield Northampton v Morecambe Oxford United v Shrewsbury Port Vale v Barnet Southend v Wycombe Torquay v Rotherham Clydesdale Scottish Premier Aberdeen v Motherwell Hamilton Acd’ v Celtic Hearts v Inverness CT Kilmarnock v Hibernian Rangers v St Mirren St Johnstone v Dundee Utd
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SPORT GUIDE 80
Contents PAGE 80 Football Top Five: Dyce another day PAGE 78 Football News: Redknapp - not that one PAGE 76 Football View: With Lorna Evio PAGE 74 World Sport: India v South Africa PAGE 70 Ashes News: Ponting the way
70
PAGE 72 Ashes Feature: Feuds for thought
72
82
PAGES 68 & 69 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables
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