Shipwrecked @ Bondi Beach NYE 2009 was listed in BEST LOCAL EVENTS by
1st Release Tickets: $300 - Entry/ Unlimited Premium Beer / Wine/ Canape Package or $350 - Entry/ Unlimited Premium Beer/Wine/Canape & 5 Spirits Package Fireworks @ 9pm & 12am • Outdoor Terrace • Views of Sydney Harbour & The Opera House
SYDNEYS MOST EXCLUSIVE NYE VENUE
NYE @ The MCA The Museum of Contemporary Art
RALPH LAWSON (2020 Vision, UK)
JAMES CURD (Chicago)
ACID MONDAYS (2020 Vision, UK)
For more info & tickets go to Moshtix, call 0450 045 516 or visit www.essentialeventsmanagement.com
BOAT PARTY 2011
New Years Morning 3.30am - SUNRISE - 8.30am Pickup outside The MCA from 3am aboard the ‘Lady Rose’
Sat 20th Nov TONY VARGA AMNESIA IBIZA8pm RESIDENT - 2am
CAMILO FRANCO SPACE IBIZA RESIDENT on Moshtix MISS MATCH - ILLYA - JAVI SAMPOL PAUL GUY & FRIENDS & MICHAEL SPARKLE
3 levels of music : Tech House, Chicago House & Live Performance
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ALEX WOLFENDEN WE LOVE RESIDENT, IBIZAA JAMES CURD GREENKEEPERS, CHICAGO
CONTENTS The Cover
Review
Regulars
OPRAH’S GRILLING - 18 It was nice of Oprah to educate us on where we consider the ‘hip hangout’ here in Australia - McCafe’s. Personally BBM prefers the Maccas playground.
GUNS N’ ROSES - 28
Interview
Sport
BIFFY CLYRO - 30 “We realised we’d have to work
PARD-ON? - 80 Yes, you heard right. Alan Pardew is the new manager of Newcastle United – but will he ever be better than King Kev?
UK News World News Irish News Gossip Soaps The Wrap Reviews Interviews Sydney Melbourne Perth Recruitment Classifieds Hostel Listings Crystal Balls Ask Crystal & Jokes Sport
hard and get over people’s opinions about us. I guess we still do. I don’t think that will change in a hurry.”
“Why does everybody forget that Dizzy Reed has been with the band since 1991’s Use Your Illusion? Don’t believe the trash talk, Guns N’ Roses are as good as ever.”
JOBS & ACCOMODATION
6 12 16 18 24 26 28 30 34 36 44 50 55 60 64 66 82
MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon
john.mcmahon@what-media.com
EDITOR Ben Harlum
ben.harlum@what-media.com
SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby
richard.gadsby@what-media.com
UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir
hannah.shakir@what-media.com
32
28
18
“
INTERNS Marissa van Doorn, Jennifer Reilly, Zuleika Lopez Guilleux, Stefan Zimmermann
ARSENAL HAVEN’T WON ANYTHING IN ABOUT SIX YEARS - I DON’T WANT TO JINX IT!
HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard
design@what-media.com
WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber WEB DEVELOPMENT ASSISTANT Shefali Khanna ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin
“
mary.atkin@what-media.com
ADVERTISING Joe Smith
ELIZA DOOLITTLE
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CONTRIBUTORS David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Fernando Xavier, Bethan Hacking, Alexandra McIntyre, Jeremy Williams
joe.smith@what-media.com
Dave Hudson BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGER James Marsh james.marsh@what-media.com
BBM 4
PO Box 784 Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230
SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir www.bbmlive.com info@what-media.com
ph: (02) 8231 7700 fax: (02) 9299 4966
BRITISH BALLS MAGAZINE
PRINTERS Spotpress
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
UK NEWS SHE’S ‘RINGING THE BANKER’ BBM longs for the day when Noel Edmonds suffers an overdue mental breakdown and suddenly says “I’d like to open your box love! Phwoar!” while hosting Deal Or No Deal.
She looks normal enough… 37-year-old mum, demurely dressed in a blouse and tank top. It says she’s a photographer on her application. But she is in fact, a porn star. She even has her own website, Jenny 69, featuring sexy snaps of her in lingerie and selling self-starring hardcore videos.
Ideally, he’d also do the “she’d have it” arm swing while gurning into the camera. There is, after all, only so much amusement BBM can derive from watching a poor pensioner urged to gamble away $20,000 by a baying crowd only to end up with 10p. But wait? What’s this? It appears BBM’s wish may be about to come true following new contestant Jeanette Burton’s appearance on the show.
While The Sun doesn’t specify what sexual acts are involved, BBM likes to think there’s one of Jen being drilled by a tidy-bearded Edmonds lookalike who yells “the game’s reached a crucial stage!” before firing his yoghurt chucker all over her love puds.
ARSON ABOUT FACE HAPLESS criminals. Where would BBM be without them? We’ve written about more than our fair share of witless villains over the years but it seems we have a new undisputed champion when it comes to criminal ineptitude. His name is Amir Ali, a 28-year-old arsonist who’s attempts to set fire to pub in Crawley were so comical it had officers studying the CCTV footage laughing their tits off. The footage starts with Amir trying to throw bricks through
the pub window – only for them to bounce harmlessly back off the glass. The idiot then stood next to the pub as another thug threw a firebomb at the door. Again it bounced back – and blew up in Amir’s face.
Temporarily blinded, and partially on fire, Amir panicked and ran head first into a nearby lamppost, falling flat on his back. He then went straight to the medical drop-in centre just around the corner – where he was unsurprisingly picked up within minutes by police. Idiot. Sentencing him, Recorder John Hardy QC told him his offence was at the top end of the scale — despite the fact his ineptitude had thankfully meant it was doomed to failure.
GOLD, FRANKINCENSE AND KABOOM! WANT to feel like a celebrity by doing your Christmas shopping while flanked by special-forces trained goons? Simply go to London and Birmingham (pictured) and wear an Osama Bin Laden mask. Apparently special SAS hit squads are out in force in England’s biggest cities as the army plans to foil any al-Qaeda bid to cause Mumbai-style carnage amid Britain’s Christmas crowds. Merry Christmas everyone – and death to the infidels! 6
LES JUST BE FRIENDS OF ALL the headlines we’ve read this week, “Donor fights lesbians over baby” is the one that really grabbed our attention in Sadly, it’s not the story of a man who surgically had his cock removed so it could be grafted onto a lesbian who then impregnated her lover. The far more plausible, yet still slightly weird, real story is that a lesbian couple, Stacey and Kate Cassin (who married in a civil ceremony) conceived through a sperm donor who now wants custody of the kid. The women, from Melton Mowbray, claim Mark Hartill entered into a “gentleman’s agreement” not to be involved in the little girl’s upbringing but that he’s become obsessed with the toddler after seeing her three times. As BBM’s old grandpappy used to say: “They shouldn’t have put all their lezzy eggs in one basket.” It was something like that anyway.
KINDA CORNY WHO says people in rural Cornwall are stupid, backward and living 30 years behind the rest of us? Well the 2007 Equality Act Regulations do, apparently, after devout Christian B&B owners refused to allow a gay couple share a double bed because it was an affront to their faith. They’re now having their asses sued – and no that isn’t a gay euphemism for bum love or something. The gay couple claim the snub was a “direct discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation”.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
UK NEWS WARNER BROS ARE THE PITS IN MORE namechanging news (see story left), Warner Bros has forced a British fitness instructor to change the name of her business from Penelope Fitstop.
SILLY BUNCH OF WONKAS WHILE most people back in Britain are struggling to make ends meet, it’s nice to know some are still happy to shell out £13.99 on making a complete twat of themselves and bringing shame to their family for the sake of a cheap joke. Yes we’re talking about the magic of changing your name by deed poll – with a record number of new monikers being recorded for 2010.
D Dog E Elephant F Flower G Goat H House I Igloo J Jellyfish K Kite L Lion M Monkey N Nurse O Octopus P Penguin Q Queen R Robot S Sun T Tree U Umbrella V Violin W Whale X X-Ray Y Yo-Yo Z Zebra Terryn Feuji-Sharemi.
“I was a huge fan of the Penelope Pitstop cartoon as a child so when it came to choosing a name I just thought the play on words would appeal to likeminded women,” said mother of two Louise Whyte of Kent, who changed the company name to Penelope Fitstar after the head of Warner Bros, Mr The Hooded Claw, sent the Bully Brothers round to kidnap her.
Fed-up Austin Kettle from Ipswich, Suffolk changed her name to Mrs Lorraine Darla I Hate Thomas Cook And Its Associates Big Shot Company Treading On The Little Guy Leeks after the travel firm blundered on the bride-tobe’s holiday booking.
Blighty is now home to in-no way idiotic residents like Willy Wonka, Miss Jelly St Tots and Mr Her Majesty The Queen. New mum Ceejay Epton, 22, from Doncaster now has Europe’s longest name after changing it “for a laugh” after her baby was born.
Liverpool fan Jack Crookes became Steven Gerrard as a 16th birthday present from his mum. He said: “I love it. It’s the best present I have ever had. I love having my hero’s name in my name.”
She became Ceejay A Apple B Boat C Cat
That’s grade A parenting right there.
Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground
Spectacular!
HAVE YOU HEARD
visit www.adventureGC.com 8
Get back to nature
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70 kilometres of coastline 300 days of sunshine per year 22°C /72°F average temperature 500 cafes, restaurants and bars 100,000 hectares of World Heritage Rainforest Australia’s biggest range of theme parks and attractions
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Most savvy travellers think they know what to expect on the Gold Coast; brilliant beaches, super Surfers Paradise nightlife, theme parks galore and the best looking talent in the country. But only a plucky few explorers uncover more than the travel guides are willing to admit. How’d they miss 100,000 hectares of world heritage rainforest, 500 kilometres of canals, the year round water sports or the sacred indigenous landmarks? Perhaps they just weren’t up for the challenge. Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
UK NEWS CHRISTMAS HIT DOPE. Weed. Cannabis. Ganja. Skunk. The old roper dope. Nico bicko. Clarkey cat. Heseltine’s bum rush. The magic wufter. Fanny Craddock’s pumpernickel splendour.
Stoke who, alas, we cannot name for legal reasons.
Just like the Devil, the drug known as marijuana goes by many names and is just as evil. You’d certainly never catch BBM lying around in a smoky haze until 4am playing Mariokart with our flatmates and deciding who skins up next with a quick game of cards. Just say no kids.
The enterprising youngster was arrested this week after his poorly-wired cannabis farm knocked out the power at a local primary school, cancelling the youngsters’ nativity play. Score!
Right. Now that we’ve firmly established our anti-drug credentials, a round of applause please for an enterprising young 15-yearold gardening expert from
The 15-year-old horticulturalist allegedly used powerful lamps to grow more than 300 marijuana plants in a derelict shop – but was caught after his
makeshift circuitry shut down the electricity supply to 300 homes – and forced Etruscan Primary School to close early. “The children were really upset,” said a school spokesman. “We had been practising for weeks and they were really looking forward to taking to the stage.” What a shame. If only there were some way to make all those children relaxed and chilled out…
IT’S TRAINING MEN IT’S widely acknowledged that if there’s one thing lacking in today’s big budget high-octane Hollywood blockbusters like Transformers and Inception, it’s men fighting on top of trains.
The pizzas were ordered by gang members who were holding a drug dealer hostage in a Hertfordshire house, however the gang and the victim fled the scene before the pizza boy or the police got there. The gang ordered two deep pan pizzas, however since no one was around to answer the door, they were offered to the police at a reduced price. The officers ate the food and left the boxes in the back of their police car, only to be found the next day by another officer who realised it was evidence.
The announcement that the bouncy pup would no longer feature in the adverts, follows a bizarre puppy audition at Pineapple Studios in Covent Garden, just two weeks ago.
Unfortunately, he made the mistake of not being a Harrison Ford stunt double and duly fell off. After three miles. Suffering severe head and back injuries. Tool.
YOU STUPID KENT
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Alas, two police officers failed to heed this advice this week after scoffing two pizzas at the scene of crime.
THE loveable Andrex puppy we have all grown to love and adore has now been replaced, this time with a digitalised version of the puppy.
So hats off to a teenager from Southend who tried to recreate the golden age of Hollywood this week by “surfing” on a speeding train in -6C temperatures.
“Do you mean an ornament?”
“Who’s gone?” asks the operator.
“No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself … he had two of my teaspoons on his arms and money on his face… I’m not being funny, I know it’s only a snowman but I thought he’d be fine, what with it being icy and that people ain’t been walking up and down the road. It ain’t a nice road but at the end of the day you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman, do you know what I mean?”
“My snowman.”
Christ on a bike! That’s all we can say.
“I haven’t been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he’s gone,” said the nameless women to a bemused operator.
IT’S one of the golden rules of police work – try not to eat the evidence.
DOGGY BAGGED
Watching two mismatched adversaries wrestling each other, ducking under tunnels and dodging swords being stabbed up through the roof of the carriage simply cannot be beaten for entertainment.
THE people of Kent never cease to amaze us. A hysterically backward woman recently called 999 to report that someone had stolen her snowman.
A PIZZA EVIDENCE
Andrex Talent Scouts went on the hunt to find the new Andrex puppy. Puppies lined the road including the traditional yellow Lab, along with Dalmations and the British Bulldog. Somehow the latter doesn’t seem quite as cute. However the doggy audition turned out to be one big marketing ploy, after Andrex revealed they had been working on the new advert for six months. This will be the first time since 1972 that the cute Lab has been replaced by a computer. Like so many things in life.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
WORLD NEWS CRYING OVER SPILT MILK
A mother (or so she says...) has been held captive by airport security for more than an hour over her stored breast milk. Stacey Armato was carrying 340 grams of breast milk in a container and asked for it not to be passed through the x-ray scanner due to possible radiation.
Instead, she was made to wait in a glass security box as she attempted to use your lawyer experience to get out of the sticky situation. To be honest, if we found somebody
carrying containers of breast milk around an airport - without a child on hand, we’d be locking her in a glass chamber too. Armato (pictured) claims that she was trapped in the security box because she made a complaint the previous week, and that the security staff can “arrest you if you don’t play along with their horse and pony show.” Horse and Pony show?! Where’s this airport located, we wanna go!
GOD POSITIONING SYSTEM IT seems as if the big man upstairs isn’t the only thing looking after Christmas this year, and we don’t mean cranky old Mr. McMahon on level five. Churches have begun to embed their nativity scene Jesus with GPS tracking devices in case of theft. This is the same method regularly used by Scientologists to mess with Tom Cruise’s brain when he travels.
Two years ago in America, Baby Jesus was stolen from a display. So last year, the church rigged up a GPS device, sealed it inside, painted it over and dressed the figure. When he was stolen, police traced it to the home of a teenager who said he got it from another teen at a party. A report that Jesus was stolen from a teen named Mary, who claimed she just wanted her son back, is unconfirmed.
IF you’re planning a night of crime and theft (we’re presuming that at least some planning goes into these dumbass schemes), surely you’d be best to avoid breaking into the house of a prison guard and the car of an off-duty police officer. Don’t tell that to the 21-year-old American who did just that last week. How was he captured, I hear you ask? The police officer remembered the fleeing criminal because he had arrested him in August on a charge of reckless driving. There’s one smart aspect to this story, believe it or not, which is the criminal used to live in the prison guard’s house so he at least knew the best way to get around. Clearly not how to escape, though.
ITALY, the home of love, pizza and Monica Bellucci - has resorted to guard snakes to protect stashes of cocaine. On a side note, Monica Bellucci can guard BBM’s snake anytime. Italian news reported police had to get past the python to install listening devices that helped them arrest a mafia boss in relation to drug possession. It did not specify exactly how they bypassed the snake. Let’s hope it was similar to an identical incident back in August when Rome police came face to face with a hissing and famished albino python coiled around a stash of cocaine. They had to fend it off by feeding it a whole chicken. Samuel L. Jackson, we’ve found your sequel!
A SHOCKING ARREST
A 56-year-old woman has been charged with resisting arrest and causing a police officer to taser himself by mistake, officials said. BBM thinks the woman should be rewarded for such a talented escape especially given her age. Responding to a 911 call, police found the women (pictured) in the basement of a building, officials said. She threw a wooden chair at one of the officers, striking him in the right arm. Then, in a scene we’re sure was ripped from a Bond film, the other officer took out a taser and fired
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it at the woman.
Even though she had been struck by the taser, she continued to flail her arms and resist the officers, officials said. As the woman continued to resist arrest, the officer set up the taser again. She continued to flail her arms, causing the officer to accidentally discharge the taser and shoot himself in the pinky finger of his left hand, officials said. One thing’s for sure, we’d like her to have our back in an alley fight.
A SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A DRUG A teenager allegedly caught selling laxatives passed off as ecstasy at a Sydney dance party has been charged by police. Maybe it’s just us, but isn’t this the perfect way to stop teenagers from taking drugs - lead them to believe it does nothing but send them to the toilet?
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
WORLD NEWS ALCO-BOT
WHEN technology is used to solve a real problem, it warms BBM’s cold, black hearts.
that the wine couldn’t be drunk out of a hose or straight from the goon bag, our traditional drinking method.
But when these gizmos need to work their way around alcohol laws, the same laws which have tormented our poor sales team for the past two decades, it makes us sad.
Instead, you need to take a breathalyzer test, swipe your drivers license and prove your identity to the policeman in some office keeping an eye on things via. a security camera. It’s that simple!
In the American state of Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to sell alcohol in supermarkets. Scandalous! However, it is more than legal to install a vending machine that dispenses wine. BBM was devastated to learn
It’s just been announced that Walmart, America’s answer to Woolworths and Tesco, has been given approval to put the machines in their stores. BBM will consider it once Passion Pop is made available.
Second, for the love of god don’t put a photo of you holding stolen watches as your screensaver!
The contaminated areas have been surrounded by wire fences strung with shade cloth. In more positive news, we can’t wait to eat the $2 hotdogs they’ll be selling at the store soon. Mmm, delicious.
RUDOLPH has finally had enough of that old twat Santa and escaped - probably to the doctor’s to find out what the hell that red mark is on his nose. The deer escaped from a church nativity scene in Orlando, but was quickly captured while hiding under the church’s elf house. The church is keen to show off its replacement, Rudolph the pink-eyed reindog.
A GEM OF A THIEF A word of warning to any wannabe criminals out there - don’t leave your phone at the jewellery store by mistake.
BLOODY IKEA can’t even get their own stores built without discovering a missing piece. This time, the missing piece seems to be the lack of asbestos on the site.
phone he left behind had photos of him and his son. How daft can you be?” Was Christian jailed? Of quartz he was. He’ll be behind bars for a year due to his stupidity.
AN American community is up in arms over a painting of gun-tootin’ cowboy Santa. And by “community”, BBM means one lonely woman who really needs a hobby.
Police have used the screensaver to find Christian Johnson (pictured), who had fled with a Rolex after pretending to try it on at the jewellers. He also left behind a brochure with his fingerprints all over it. The jeweller said outside court: “The
KEEPING MUM
SOMETIMES it’s hard to determine if someone’s copping a battering at home. BBM is convinced that somewhere there’s a handbook on creative excuses to cover the damage better than makeup. Other times, you find a child running down the street shouting “Help me, call police, my mom has beat me with a cord!” The mother threatened to call police on her neighbours for
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letting her child hide in their home. Police said they found welts and bruises on the child’s body, as well as a head injury from being thrown down a flight of stairs.
The mother was charged with one count of child endangerment, and is not allowed to see the boy, or any of her other five children. One thing’s for sure, the kid’ll eat his damn vegetables every meal from now on.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
IRISH NEWS NICE ICE BABY THEY say make hay when the sun shines, well a group of innovative chancers have found the modern day winter equivalent in Ireland – extreme ice climb while the snow falls. It’s like, totally gnarly duuuuude! The freezing temperatures back in the auld country have been a gift from the extreme sports gods to young Jackass fans up and down the country, with nutcases scaling waterfalls and watercourses on Ireland’s highest peak - Carrauntuohil in Co Kerry. One daring group scaled the frozen ice on the mountain’s north face this week at ‘The Lick’, using ice axes and tampons to complete the 400m course.
“This year has been exceptional because we had the big freeze in January and now again,” said enthusiast John Hussey. “We would not have had as good conditions for it in over 20 years since the last big freeze in 1986.” Mountaineering expert and Sherlock Holmes baddy, Con Moriarty (pictured with Sherlock Holmes), has taken part in the sport for the past 30 years. “Ice climbers travel abroad for these conditions all the time and we have it on our own doorsteps now,” he said before yelling, “I’ll get you yet Holmes!” while plunging to his death over the Reichenbach Falls in Switzerland.
Fry said the award was “one of the great honours of my life” and spoke to the audience about the university life of (surprise, surprise) Oscar Wilde. He also talked about James Joyce, saying Ulysses was the book he
continued to read throughout his life. He can’t be that smart then, it only took BBM a couple of weeks to finish it. His guest turn in ‘Ros na Run’ was filmed last Monday when he played a lost tourist who stumbled into the local pub in the Irish language soap. We’re sure viewing figures will shoot through the roof.
EMIGRATION’S WHAT YOU NEED GOOD news for BBM, not so good news for Ireland – an estimated 58,000 young people will emigrate next year to seek work. This means we can continue to print the same old shit week in, week out safe in the knowledge that a new influx of readers are just around the corner.
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TECHNOLOGY officially went too far this week after the time-honoured kiddy tradition of wetting yourself in excitement because the snow meant school was off finally succumbed to the social network generation. Instead of spending the day writing your name in the snow and wanking, nine pupils who couldn’t get to school because of snow and ice were instead made to take classes online. “We’ve been closed since last Monday and I decided something had to be done,” said Caithriona Carty from Glenmore national school in Mayo. She sent text messages to parents about her plans and within a couple of hours was in email contact with all the pupils through Googletalk. “We started doing revision, although one boy wrote back saying that he hoped there would be no homework as he had to build an igloo,” she said. Hang your heads in shame Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerburg and whoever invented the webcam – you’ve officially killed the innocence of childhood.
FRY SPIED STEPHEN Fry, possibly the most English celebrity ever, has been waffling on about Ireland being his spiritual home after receiving a medal of honorary patronage from Trinity College and making a guest appearance in ‘Ros na Run’.
THEY’VE TECH-EN IT TOO FAR
The expected exodus - larger than the population of Waterford - is one of the findings the National Youth Council of Ireland uncovered in interviews with young jobseekers. We’re expecting expansion plans from the Cock and Bull in Bondi any day now.
AISLE GET YOU THERE WALKING up the aisle? Pah. Overrated. Why walk when you can be firemanlifted up the aisle by a former rugby international? As Gay Byrne used to say: “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!” OK that’s not exactly what happened when bride-to-be Catriona Walker, of Kingswood in Dublin, got married to her boyfriend of 14 years, Aidan Bird at the weekend – but she was technically ‘carried’ to the church by former Ireland star Shane Byrne. The wedding venue, Brooklodge in Aughrim, Co Wicklow, is at the end of an icy road so Byrne offered vehicles from the family business as transport for the wedding party. The business? Arklow Waste Disposal. Nice. And covering her peep-toe sandals with practical blue plastic bags, she made it to the church on time to wed her childhood sweetheart. It sounds so magical.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
GOSSIP
SHAUN’S RYDING HIGH
THE Happy Mondays star has officially gone postal, after losing the I’m a Celeb crown to former X Factor contestant Stacey Solomon.
“I wanted to rip her head off, set her on fire and bury her in the f***ing jungle.” If one thing’s for sure, that would’ve delivered some stellar ratings.
After the loss last week, Shaun was ready for a profanity-filled outburst in regards to nutritionist Gillian McKeith. Naturally, The Sun were there. “I felt she was the greatest disgrace to the female race,” he told them after the finale. “I cracked after days of somebody being too selfimportant. She was banging at my head.”
Shaun - the most bleeped contestant ever on I’m A Celebrity - was also happy to tell The Sun how he celebrated his release from the jungle, with a 20-second romp with his missus. Charming.
EVEN if you have millions of screaming young girls obsessed with you, it turns out your mum can still clip you round the ear and keep you in line. Justin Bieber (pictured) recently gave the all powerful Mrs. Bieb (his mother, he’s not married ladies) some lip so she decided to cancel his mobile phone contract – that’ll learn him to pay attention when mother is speaking. Go Mother Bieber, go!
MCPRODUCT PLACEMENT
OH, hello there. Didn’t see you - you see, we were over at the local McCafe with some shielas and our pet kangaroos. Or at least that’s what the crazy Americans and their leader, a Miss O. Winfrey, think we’re doing here in Australia. We’d hate to see what they think of England! According to Oprah’s Aussie Countdown, viewed by 10 million Americans last week, we call men “blokes”, women “sheilas” and we like to meet up at “hip joints” called McCafes to sip on gourmet coffee. Surprising to nobody is the news that the segment was paid for by McDonalds.
Now that Oprah and her devout followers have hit the country, BBM has to wonder whether they’re shocked that we actually drive cars, not kangaroos, and not even on dirt roads!
Sydney is currently facing an overload of security, with the Opera House in lockdown and Oprah’s travel plans under lock and key. Technically, she’s a ‘guest of government’ so wherever she goes - a police escort will follow. If you are reading this, Oprah, we only kid - feel free to come in for a chat, the coffee’s on us!
GEORGE’S DEADLY DREAM THIS is just plain weird.
so the sales team are fooled into eating it. The fools!
George Lucas has reportedly started to buy the rights to dead film legends like Orson Welles so he can digitally place them in a new film.
Just because you have the technology to do something doesn’t mean you should, George - look at Jar Jar Binks, the ultimate example.
Sounds like BBM’s office fridge actually, specifically the bunch of old fruit and stale food that the editorial staff put new labels on
George doesn’t seem to care about ruining his own work, why would he have a problem fiddling with the work of others?
GAGA OF THE WEEK LOOK, we’re not embarrassed to admit that BBM’s offices played Poker Face on repeat for days after its release. But now there’s something off about Lady Gaga, although we really shouldn’t complain - it gives us more than enough material to fill our covers and Gossip pages. Here’s Gaga’s latest fashion faux-pas (as the experts say) - how the hell do you walk in them?!
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MICK HUCKNALL SHAGS 3000 WOMEN SADLY that’s a real headline. The ginger midget, often found lurking under bridges, recently spoke about his sex addiction during an intimate interview with The Guardian. Speaking about his conquests the Simply Red frontman (pictured) said, “I regret the philandering, in fact, can I issue a public apology? They know who they are, and I’m truly sorry.”
He then raised the concern that most people would have upon hearing such news by saying, “A redheaded man is not generally considered to be a sexual icon.” We can honestly say we’re floored by the thought and do not wish to think about this hideous matter any further.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
6DPH -RE ‡ 6DPH +RXUV
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Call 1300 freespirit to discuss how you can have more money in your take home pay.
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GOSSIP
A REAL SHIT-FIGHT
SURELY you’ve heard the haunting sounds of Will Smith’s daughter, Willow. The terrifying shrieks of “I Whip my Hair back and forward” repeated for three minutes has lead to a 39% increase of suicide. We’re not joking.
Willow’s competition.
The Black Eyed Peas, once a dominant force in hip hop, are attempting to defend their number one position with the dreadful excuse for a song, The Time (pictured),
Okay, so maybe we are joking. But that doesn’t deny the fact that the kid’s vanity project is terrible, yet there’s a battle to stop it at once.
If Willow wins the fight she’ll be the youngest number one act since Little Jimmy Osmond in 1972. She’ll also have the shittest number one song since... well, The Black Eyed Peas this week.
Unfortunately, it’s not a fightto-the-death battle that BBM was hoping for. Instead, it’s a simple battle for Britain’s number one single and we’re even more petrified at
PETE’S NEW SET OF LINES THE team responsible for casting a smallbudget film based on the life of 19th-century writer Alfred De Musset are a very brave bunch, they’ve just hired Pete Doherty as their lead star. Lets face it, unless Kate Moss was there or there was (alleged!!) drugs involved, Pete doesn’t have a history of being punctual.
It must’ve been a pretty hard choice for ole’ Pete, he had to give up his jewellery designing duties to take on the role.
Pete (pictured) said “The storyline centres around a love triangle so it’s pretty intense and romantic. I don’t know if I’m a good actor but they say I am.”
In an ironic twist of fate, the Libertines frontman will star alongside Charlotte Gainsbourg - who starred in 21 Grams.
By good actor they meant you’re good publicity, mate.
NADINE’S NEW COUNTRY
NADINE Coyle, who is still suffering from the abysmal sales of her solo album Insatiable, is now allegedly attempting to break into the American music scene as a country singer. Somewhere in a multi-million dollar mansion, Cheryl Cole is cackling as she lies on her golden bed. A source has stated that “Nadine’s refusing
to give up on her dream. She reckons she’ll have more chance in the States, where talent and singing ability count.” Burn! The source continued, “Her life’s in America now and she’d happily never return to the UK after such a hostile reception.” Hostile reception? That doesn’t sound like the UK that we know and love...
EX-TINA WE’RE sure it’s hard to get over a divorce, especially when you’re a worldwide superstar like Christina Aguilera. Actually, no, scrap that. It’d be worse if you were relative nobody Jordan Bratman. While the two are still in the midst of a divorce, Jordan has decided to stay put in their home, making things exceedingly “difficult” for Christina, according to a friend. 20
The pal explains, “It is difficult for Christina since he won’t move out of the house. When she is back in L.A. she has to stay somewhere even if she’s with their son.” C’Mon, XTina, find another man to stand up to the Bratman! Or were you right when you sung that “ain’t no other man can stand up next to you” - like what we did there?
MANY have been suspicious of NFL player Eric Johnson’s motives for proposing to Jessica Simpson after only six months of dating. We don’t understand, isn’t it perfectly normal to announce your proposal a couple of days after your ex-husband announces his? According to insiders close to the couple, it seems like they’re the real deal - which is why he’s agreed to sign a prenuptial agreement. BBM is thrilled that Jessica can enjoy married life without creating a new hit song, collecting divorce-free royalties along the way. Well done.
THERE’S nothing worse than a breakup, although BBM isn’t speaking from experience. We’ve been with our left hand for the last five years. Regardless, imagine how it’d feel if you were the one that Jennifer Anniston dumped? It’d hurt, but not as much as if you were dumped... for Brad Pitt. Well meet High School sweetheart Tom, who indeed was dumped for Brad Pitt. Things musn’t be too bad though, as he was invited to Jen’s birthday bash alongside Gerard Butler, Tom Hanks, Ben Affleck and Courteney Cox.
WE have no idea what the end result is going to be, but Nick Cave has written a screenplay. Yes, that Nick Cave. Shia LaBeouf and Tom Hardy (Inception) will star in the film, based on a family of bootleggers during the Prohibition era. We’d rather see a new Bad Seeds album.
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GOSSIP
KIM Kardashian’s ass has topped the list of the highest-earning reality TV stars after making an impressive $6 million this past year. Well the ass is worth it, right?
The starlet has her own E! reality TV show and also endorses Quick Trim diet cleanse, Sketchers trainers and Kotex Tampons. That must be the reason she was paid $75,000 to open a public toilet facility in New York’s Times Square last month. The list, created by The Daily Beast, measures those on the list on who have “cashed in on fame, versus talent”.
Kim managed to beat her sisters Khloe and Kourtney who ranked number 7 and 8 on the list respectively. Others on the list included Lauren Conrad, who signed a deal with MTV to create her own new reality TV show and ex Hills ‘buddy’ Audrina Patridge. Now who else wants to jack in the day job for a part on reality TV?
NOT MARVELLOUS AT ALL
DAWN Dawn French launched her debut novel A Tiny Bit Marvellous at the Watford branch of Asda Supermarkets last week. The Vicar of Dibley star (pictured) arrived at the branch to sign copies of her latest book, yet the crowds were far from respectable and put Asda bosses into a state of panic.
However, fast thinking from the team meant that the queues were boisterous and full
get your TAX BACK
of life by the time French turned up... by making workers in the store queue up to get copy of the books signed. One worker said “I was told to join the queue and was given a copy of the book. Dawn signed it and I then handed the book back to my bosses.” Asda has stated that over 150 people met the star. They are yet to reveal how many were staff members.
CHRISTINA Aguilera is hot property these days. Not only is she galavanting around the world promoting her debut movie, Burlesque, while her ex refuses to move out, there’s now a mentor war over the blonde pop star. The Dirrty singer was set to perform tracks from the Burlesque soundtrack on The X-Factor but now bosses are trying to work their magic to get her to duet with favourite to win Matt Cardle. The 29 year old was approached by Dannii Minogue after she feared Simon Cowell or Cheryl Cole would try and nab the star. Christina has another reason to celebrate Burlesque, with the film’s set assistant Matthew Rutler revealed as X-Tina’s new boyfriend. This was of course after relations between BBM and X-Tina fizzled out. Shame.
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SOAPS CORONATION ST. HELL breaks loose on the explosion tears through the cobbles of Coronation Street building. Molly, Jack and Sunita this week. Molly finally drops are inside the shop as the blast showers them with glass. the bombshell on Tyrone that she is leaving and that he is not Jack’s father, but how will he Outside, Kevin, Ken, Leanne take the news that his business and Becky are flung to the partner was having an affair ground and residents pour out onto the street. Inside The with his wife? Joinery there’s devastation, while in the office Nick, Peter Meanwhile it is the night of and Ashley lie trapped and Leanne and Peter’s respective hen and stag parties, and Nick unconscious. makes one last-ditch attempt Holding her son, to get Leanne to Molly heads for leave with him. the shop door, but a piercing Nick arrives at screeching of Peter’s do at The Joinery and brakes rings asks to have a out as a tram slithers along word with him. the viaduct... Suddenly, a huge
EastEnders AS THINGS hot up between Ryan and Stacey, Janine realises that Ryan is at the Slaters when Alfie lets slip that Kat sent him over there with a note for Stacey.
However it’s not long before they’re caught out when Pat sees them kissing in the window of The Vic. Not wanting Janine to be made a fool of, she decides to tell her, and after Janine temporarily breaks down, vows to kill him.
While the pair are in bed passionately kissing, Janine She purchases some pills from nicks a key to the Slaters a shady character down an from the pub and bursts into Stacey’s room to find Stacey alley and Ryan returns to a cuddling Lily. What she fails to candlelit supper, but will this be notice is Ryan hiding under the his last meal? crib. Meanwhile Julie finds Billy Ryan and Stacey attempting to visit then make plans his son Roger, but to go away for the weekend so when Julie tells they can have him that Roger isn’t their son, some alone Billy is suspicious. time.
RITCHIE comes calling for his money but gives the Bishops an extension on their loan. Denzo goes on the run but Decco rats him out. Louie and McCoys interfere with Christy and Carol’s relationship - and when Carol is provoked by Neasa she ends up sharing an intense moment with Louie. Meanwhile, Esther makes a formal complaint about her treatment in McCoys while Sarah and Keith prepare for Christmas together. TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
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HOLLYOAKS + WARREN gives a few people a shock when he walks in the pub as they think they’ve seen a ghost. Riley manages to persuade Jack into giving Mercedes a job at The Dog, but Carl is more than displeased, as his lust for the busty barmaid boils over, and the pair end up kissing. Meanwhile Gilly discovers Jacqui and Rhys’s relationship when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find the pair sneaking 24
into each others room for a bit of “fun”. However Carl later offers Mercedes a wad of cash to stay out of Riley’s life, but what he doesn’t realise is that Mercedes has him over the table with some incriminating evidence. Has Carl met his match? When Kathleen McQueen turns up in the village to visit her daughter Theresa, she soon twigs who the father of Theresa’s baby must be.
Emmerdale JACKSON comes out of the hospital and is adamant that he no longer wants to live in the village.
Terry confronts her and she explains how lonely she has felt since the separation, but will Terry let on to Bob?
Hazel worries about how to pay for the ongoing expensive treatment Jackson will need.
Meanwhile, Aaron realises he still loves Jackson and wants to care for him, and the pair manage to patch things up.
Meanwhile Viv lies to Bob and says she has been mugged in an attempt to win his sympathies. However when Terry turns up to change the locks following the “mugging” he cuts himself and finds Viv’s supposedly stolen keys and purse in the first aid kit.
Jackson is filled with sorrow when he realises the paraplegic life ahead of him Chas is feeling pangs of guilt at the sham wedding she intends on having in order to humiliate Carl. Can she let down her family and humiliate his children in such a way? BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
THE WRAP SEAN TAKES OVER Sean Kingston (Beautiful Girl), Iyaz, New Boyz and Quest Crew will be hitting Australia for the Takeover tour - an audio-visual experience you don’t want to miss out on. Sydney Olympic Park Sports Centre January 25 - thetakeover.com.au
AN EQUALLY AS FUN NYE
CARGO Bar has announved the last additions to an already stellar New Years Eve lineup. DJ Equal and Anna Lunoe will ring in the New Year with Miami Horror, Bag Raiders, Van She Tech and many more. For tickets and more info, visit cargonye.com
THAT’S THEIR NAME!
THE Ting Tings are joining the line up for Good Vibrations in February.
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FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.
The Ting Tings caused a stir with their debut album We Started Nothing in 2008, which sold over 4 million copies worldwide thanks to their eclectic electropop sound. These will be their only Australian shows.
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HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE
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RAISE YOUR GLASS FIREWORK ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD
T H E U K
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LAST WEEK
BLACK EYED PEAS
THE TIME
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INDIE BITE GETTING everyone in the mood for Christmas, Ellie Goulding is back with her new single Your Song. Her signature sensitive voice coos over a simple piano and cello to warm your cockles. You need it over in the UK, it’s frickin’ freezing!
They will be joining the already announced Faithless, Phoenix, Ludacris, Cee Lo Green, Kelis and many more.
Sydney: Saturday 12 February Melbourne: Sunday 13 February Gold Coast: Saturday 19 February Perth: Sunday 20 February
WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE
FILM
Shying away from the electro beats of previous hit Starry Eyed, Goulding’s cover of Your Song is pure simple talent in a short three minutes. We fall more in love with you each day, Ellie. REMEMBER TO CHECK OUT WE LOVE INDIE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE FORBES HOTEL IN SYDNEY.
COMPETITIONS THANKS to our friends at One Love, BBM has four copies of Dubstep Invasion to give away. The album compiles some of the biggest tunes from the biggest acts on the scene, mixed over two discs by Kid Kenobi and Glove Cats.
FOR one night, the Loft and Bunglaow8 join together in welcoming 2011 alongside international DJ’s including Frankie Knuckles & Crazy Penis. BBM are giving away a double pass to the event every week leading to NYE!
BASED on the legendary DC Comic, Jonah Hex is an action adventure about one man’s personal quest for redemption. Jonah Hex stars Megan Fox & Josh Brolin, and BBM has five Blu-Ray copies to giveaway!
OUR friends at Paul Strange Presents and Space Ibiza are offering a double pass and a T-Shirt every week from now until the Space Ibiza Festival. Don’t miss out on your chance to see Andy C, Steve Lawler and Netsky live!
TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/COMPETITIONS 26
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
REVIEWS RELEASED
MICHAEL JACKSON MICHAEL TRACK BY TRACK REVIEW ‘
’
Hold My Hand features more Akon than Michael, but it’s a really strong anthem that’s one of the album’s highlights. Hollywood Tonight is very catchy (some might say borderline annoying) with an excellent funk beat to it.
RATING
December 8
On DVD & Blu-Ray (M)
it was one of Michael’s last songs. Breaking News is quite strong lyrically but the music is a bit of a mess.
Keep Your Head Up is nothing new, it’s outshone by the superior Hold My Hand.
Another Day is a really strong rock track, with a strange juxtaposition between slow verses and a great chorus that actually works. It helps to have Lenny Kravitz and Dave Grohl playing with you.
The Way You Love Me has a terrific chorus with some amazing multitracked harmonies alongside a great mix of piano and strings.
Behind the Mask has a really fun saxaphone break but is let down by the unnecessarily autotuned vocals.
Monster features an uncessary rap from 50 Cent, but is musically similar to Smooth Criminal. Michael actually recorded some vocals through a PVC pipe for this track.
Much too Soon is lyrically poignant but is pretty forgettable, to be honest.
It’s the more upbeat that work here while the slower songs let the album down. Much Best of Joy is, I presume, only here because better than I was expecting. Ben Harlum
GUNS N’ ROSES DATE
VENUE
Telstra 500 Sydney ANZ Stadium
COUGAR TOWN
RATING
SEASON
CAST
Courteney Cox Christa Miller
December 4
One
(24 Episodes)
songs from Chinese Democracy sounded at home alongside the classics. The guitar work from Bumblefoot and DJ Ashba was top notch. They might not be Slash, but they come pretty damn close. And why WHILE Acer Arena’s acoustics were better suited to the band back does everybody forget that Dizzy in 2007, a Guns N’ Roses show is a Reed has been with the band since 1991’s Use Your Illusion? must-see at any venue. Axl looked thrilled to play an expertly crafted setlist infront of an ecstatic Homebush crowd, where
Don’t believe the trash talk, Guns N’ Roses are as good as ever. Bold statement, but it’s true. BH
DON’T let the title fool you (and there were discussions to change the name for the second season) - Cougar Town goes from a onenote concept to a fun little popcorn show with an ensemble of quirky characters.
RELEASED
RATING
December 1 On DVD (M)
Of course, this is coming from the creator of Scrubs so do you expect any less? Naturally, the show plays on Cox’s strengths - she’s almost the alternate world Monica from Friends - while it’s fun to see Christa Miller on television again, one of the best parts of The Drew Carey Show. Backed by a strong cast, Cougar Town is a fun comedy that’s overlooked thanks to the Two and a Half Men’s of the world, but definitely worth checking out. BH
COMPETITION
The test between Jack Byrnes (Rob ert De Niro) and Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) is abou t to escalate to new heights of comedy in the third installment of the blockbuster series—Little Fock ers. It has taken 10 years, two little Fockers with wife Pam (Teri Polo) and countless hurdles for Greg to finally get “in” with his tightly wound father-in-law, Jack. After the cash-strapped dad takes a job moonlighting for a drug company, however, Jack’s suspicions about his favourite male nurse come roaring back. When Greg and Pam’s entire clan— including Pam’s lovelorn ex, Kevin (Owen Wilson)—descend for the twins’ birthday party, Greg must prove to the skeptical Jack that he’s fully capable as the
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man of the house. Meet the Parents: Little Fockers is only at the movies from December 26 and to celebrate, BBM has ten ‘GoodFocker’ prize packs to giveaway. Each prize pack includes a ‘GoodFocker’ mug, mousemat and T-Shirt! To enter, email competition@what-media.com with your name, address and the reason why you’re a ‘GoodFocker’. Entries close Christmas Eve, so be quick! For more details on the film, visit littlefockers.com.au and stay tuned for our exclusive interview with Robert DeNi ro next week! © 2010 DW Studios L.L.C. and
Universal Studios
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
INTERVIEW
a fair lady
A couple of months ago we proclaimed that British pop starlet Eliza Doolittle was one to watch. Now, we don’t want to say we told you so but we told you so. After impressing Sydney with a slamming gig at the Oxford Art Factory, BEN HARLUM caught up with Eliza for a chat. Your father is a director, your mother is an actress and singer - was it inevitable you’d end up in the business? I think I’m doing my own thing as a result of watching my favourite artists on TV and listening to music in the car more than anything that my family did. My brothers and sisters do different things so it’s not like we had to be a singer. You co-wrote all the songs on your album, do you remember the first songs you wrote growing up? I actually remember the first song I wrote, I recorded it with my best friend and it was called Mr. Mysterious. It was a very cheesy song, copying Destiny’s Child. Will we see it on the next album? It’s actually quite cute, and beginners luck because all the songs I wrote after it were shit. But that one was good, if I’d put any of my early songs on an album it
would be that one. [laughs] What was the response like from the crowd in Sydney? You know what? It was amazing. That was one of my favourite gigs, in the top five. I don’t know if it’s a Sydney thing but I felt as if the crowd were really into the music and the vibe. The atmosphere was incredible! Surely there’s been a moment in a taxi or shopping centre where they’ve played your album over the P.A system? I was in the HMV at the airport on the way here and my song came on in the shop! I haven’t experienced it that much, but I did have a big grin on my face. Are you sick of the My Fair lady puns? I’m tempted to use it as this article’s headline... I don’t mind it, obviously it’s my nickname so I don’t mind it at all! I’ve heard that you’re a big Arsenal fan - do you think they can win the Carling Cup? Oh! I don’t know, I don’t want to say because I’ll end up disappointed. [laughs] I don’t know how many years it’s been, we haven’t won anything in about six years - so I don’t want to jinx it! Eliza Doolittle is available in CD stores and digitally right now.
INTERVIEW biffy clyro Ayrshire’s Biffy Clyro have been knocking around for an impressive 16 years. Their career span is even more impressive given that it was only 2007’s Puzzle, their fourth album, that really brought them to the attention of the commercial mainstream. A comparison to the cult turned stadium rockers Kings Of Leon would be misplaced, given that despite their success, Biffy have maintained the underdog status that gained them their initial fans. Fresh from the stage at Plymouth Pavillions, bassist James Johnston told JEREMY WILLIAMS that their underdog tag “has never been based on where we saw ourselves. It has been an inherent inner feeling, both as people and as a band.” As their steady climb to success proves, they “have never had lots of doors opened easily. We realised we’d have to work hard and get over people’s
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opinions about us. I guess we still do. I don’t think that will change in a hurry. I think that is something that is part of our make up as a group.” Rather than giving in, Johnston and his chums (Simon Neil – guitar/lead vocals and Ben Johnston – drums/vocals) used the negativity to spur them on. “It has always given us a fighting spirit and a want to prove people wrong.” Prove them wrong it has. Not only did the trio get a Mercury nomination for their latest release Only Revolutions but even beat Cheryl Cole to win Radio 1’s Teen Awards Best Song for The Captain. Thankfully the new success “hasn’t really had a big effect” on the still humble trio. Their aim remains “to make music that makes us happy”. Having grown up “to make their own ambitions, which weren’t restricted by the boundaries of the time, Johnston is aware that
“the connec tio the most impo n with au rtant thing, th diences at shows is Excited abou at is the foun dation.” shares the se t their stint ‘down under’, cret Jo of their childho to their continued career. hnston The sparks od friendship has ensured that drive us “the th have playing or cr n’t changed, those feelin ings eating somet g hing together of .” Biffy Clyro are supporting M use as well as handful of so playin lo shows arou nd the country g a . Acer Arena, Sydney: Dece mber 9, 10 The Factory, Sy dn ey: Rod Laver Ar ena, Melbour December 11 ne: Decembe Hi-Fi, Melbo ur ne : December 16 r 14, 15 Bassendean Oval, Perth: December 19
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INTERVIEW a hardcore diary Mick Foley has made a career of jumping off cages and taking chairshots inside the wrestling ring. However, he’s also penned nine books - three of which have landed on the New York Times Bestseller List. BEN HARLUM caught up with Mick to discuss his latest, Countdown to Lockdown. Am I right in saying that your attitude toward the wrestling business has changed since your first autobiography? What would you say would be the major change? Well at the risk of sounding rude I would say you seem more bitter toward the business. A couple of people have sensed bitterness when they read it, but I don’t think I wrote it with a bitter perspective. [laughs] I came to the realisation that maybe there’s so much wrestling going on that it’s really difficult for fans to remember what I consider to be the most important moments. The book revolves around a match with Sting on a TNA Pay-Per-View. Did the fact you were writing the book pressure you to make the match more memorable? Oh yeah, this was a big deal for me. It was my first big main event match in TNA and I would’ve wanted it to be memorable anyway but because I was writing about it, it made me feel more pressure to make it memorable.
Your wife asked you to be drunk when you wrote the chapter in your first book about how you met. Were there any such requests this time - I know you wanted Tori Amos’ approval? What’s funny is that, looking back, how unusual that request was. [laughs] The whole idea that I wanted to check whether she liked the chapter before we published it. I just recieved a really nice letter from Tori herself and if I didn’t get the chapter to her, I would be sitting here wondering if this person had any desire to be talked about by a pro wrestler. I have to ask, there was an event you were supposed to attend in 2005 but you dropped out at the last minute. I was there, I need answers! [laughs] I guess I have to point fingers at somebody! The guy who booked me had been paid in part, but had his assets seized by authorities in relation to a boxer that he had managed. I found out that I wasn’t going to get paid and that the Australian promoter hadn’t done one tiny part of his obligation. It was enough that I didn’t have to go since I wasn’t going to be paid for the trip. Countdown to Lockdown is available in bookstores right now.
NAONKA
27, P.E TEACHER
BBM’s very own Survivor fanatic BEN HARLUM was looking forward to chatting with NaOnka from the first episode. During her time on the show she stole food and clothing, harrassed a one-legged contestant and ended up quitting. BBM got to the bottom of the riddle that is NaOnka in this exclusive interview. Now, NaOnka, on episode five you said “I am not a quitter.” Why would you lie to us like that? I have no idea! I didn’t think I would consider quitting at that part of the game, but it’s just so hard out there. When you’re watching the show on television it’s completely different when you’re thrown into the game. Everybody’s always gonna have their two cents, but I really shouldn’t have said that! A lot of BBM’s Twitter followers think that you shouldn’t be allowed on the jury. Are they right? No! Purple Kelly and I played the game for 28 days and we made it past the merge. Alina, Marty and Brenda were voted off for a reason - Alina aligned with the wrong people, I don’t know what kind of ‘noble’ game Marty tried to play, and I threw Brenda under the bus! I hated P.E back in high school and I bet you would’ve been the teacher I hated. What type of P.E teacher are you like? This is a question that hasn’t been asked and I’m so glad that you asked this! I am a big kid. I may be 27 but I’m playing kickball and dodgeball, all of these games with my students. I’m not that type of person you saw on TV, that was the raw, uncut NaOnka when I’m goofy and clumsy in real life! I do wish they [the editors] would’ve shown me having fun and laughing on the tribe.
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T I U Q 28 AY ON D
Were you worried after qutting that your students could use that as an argument against you? I did think about that! I thought about every aspect of quitting, what everybody would say to me, but it was me who signed up for the show and if I was mindful of what my friends, family or coworkers would think I would’ve been voted out a long time ago. What was the deal with Kelly B and you, she says it started when you offered to carry her on your back. Kelly didn’t really have a personality, she was really bland. We thought initially she was going to reveal that she had a penis! She was pulling her pants down and we were like ‘woah!’ I then told her that if her prostetic leg fell off, I would pick her up and carry her on my back because I didn’t want to lose any challenges! There was a possibility that her leg could’ve fallen off! She took it the wrong way, and that’s where it started. Survivor airs Tuesday nights on Channel 9. To listen to our extended interview with NaOnka, visit our Survivor Hub: bbmlive.com/survivor.html
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WHAT’S ON SYDNEY
No Sleep Til Festival FOR the past two decades, Megadeth’s storied career has not only set standards in hard rock and metal, but defined them. Their signature shredding and rousing lyrics have drawn fans in since the band’s beginnings, and are the very things that keep them interested, excited, and headbanging at every turn. They’re joined by NOFX, who are famous for bucking convention and doing things their own way. Over their twenty-five year career, it’s been their quest to innovate, play shows in some of the most dangerous locations in the world and tackle subject matter that will make you laugh, cry and critically think. Pop-punk legends the Descendents will be touring Australia for the first time as part of the festival, alongside Byron Bay’s Parkway Drive, the Irish-American Dropkick Murphys and many more. No Sleep Til will deliver a mix of the best international and local acts from the legendary to the up and comers, and you’ll be kicking yourself if you miss out.
LITTLE Dragon is an electronic band, based in Gothenburg, Sweden. Catch them as they support Gorillaz on their Escape to Plastic Beach Tour. Where: Goodgod Small Club When: Wednesday December 15 Cost: $25 AN up and coming band, Bon Jovi have created some buzz overseas with their catchy songs and dynamic live show. Could they be the next big thing? Time will tell.* Where: Sydney Football Stadium When: December 17, 18, 19 Cost: From $49 *Yes, we’re joking. Gosh.
CELL Block 69’s 1980-2010 World Tour will see the band performing all of their legendary hits, mostly made famous by other artists. These will are shows not to be missed. Where: Oxford Art Factory When: Saturday December 18 Cost: $15
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Lineup: Megadeth, NOFX, Dropkick Murphys, Parkway Drive, Descendents, Alkaline Trio, Me First & the Gimme Gimmes and more. Sydney: Entertainment Quarter, Hordern Pavilion and Surrounds Saturday 18 December Other Dates: Perth: Arena Joondalup - Sunday 12 December Adelaide Entertainment Centre - Wednesday 15 December Melbourne Showgrounds - Friday 17 December Brisbane: RNA Showgrounds - Sunday 19 December
JOIN Julia Zemiro, Katie Noonan, iOTA and Andy Bull for a one-off concert event celebrating ABBA, marking the launch of the new ABBA exhibition. Where: Powerhouse Museum When: Thursday December 16 Cost: $59 CAN’T see the real thing? Well head on over to Scruffy Murphys for an unrivalled dedication to the music of U2 from the most experienced U2 cover in band in the country - Elevation. Where: Scruffy Murphys When: Tuesday December 14 Cost: Free FRESH from their European tour, Linkin Park’s live performances are designed to be a transformative multi-media experience, with a unique blending of music, art and extraordinary visual technology. Where: Acer Arena When: Wednesday December 15 Cost: $102
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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE
BIFFY CLYRO AFTER cancelling their planned visit to Australia last year, Scottish rockers Biffy Clyro have made good on their promise to return, not only visiting our shores in May but now returning to support Muse and play some solo gigs as well.
The lead single, Mountains, has achieved Top 15 airplay status here while their second single The Captain was used for the AFL’s 2010 season.
The band will be showcasing tracks from their latest record Only Revolutions, which has been described
When: 16 December Where: The Hi-Fi, 125 Swanston St Cost: $44
as “an album filled with joy, grit & absolute determination.”
MELBOURNE is known for its shopping opportunities – from the high end fashion to the op shop, everyone is out on the hunt for something new to show off. But when it comes to showing off, what is better than bragging about the bargainous price the new must-have cost you? Hello Sailor first started out back in 2008, a
relaxed vintage fair for those who like a lie in. Opening at 12, the fair may not be as cheap as some of the other larger ‘garage’ style markets, but it is certainly a lot trendier. When: 18 & 19 December Where: Grace Darling Hotel 114 Smith Street, Collingwood Cost: Free
CHAPEL Street’s The Astor is known for both maintaining and celebrating the 1930’s glamourous cinematic treat. Whilst most cinema’s now boast bigger screens and broader choice, The Astor is a single screen auditorium.
film Boy followed by Australian drama The Tree. Get to see these films before everyone in the UK is telling you about them. When: Thursday 16th December at 7.30pm Where: The Astor, Corner Dandenong Road and Chapel Street, Windsore Cost: $11
Each night brings a different treat, be it old or now. But this week sees a fabulous double billing – New Zealand’s touching coming of age
WITH the movement against the autotune generation brewing, the explosion of the folk scene has gone global. With Boy & Bear having cleaned up with the Triple J listeners this year, Melbourne folk/jam quartet Custom Kings equally warrant praise and acclaim for laying the foundation stones for bands of their ilk. Having hit the road running when they formed
back in 2002, the Custom Kings have gone on to capture a nation’s hearts with their fusion of genres. With a live show that garners nothing but praise, this is one Aussie band to be sure you write home about. When: Friday December 17 Where: Prince of Wales, St Kilda Cost: $15 (+bf)
OKAY, so Salsa may not be an Australian dance – but when a country can produce a film as great as Strictly Ballroom, you can feel safe putting your feet in their hands...
have decided to stage an open-air Salsa class in Federation Square. We say put those kitten heels on and find out how you really need to shake those hips...
For a city with dance studios on pretty much every corner, it is clear that Melbourne is passionate about dance. So it should come as little surprise to hear that The Salsa Foundation
HIT any of the tourist trail shops and you will be inundated with opportunites to buy a product of aboriginal design or two. In fact, a didgeridoo is undoubtedly one of the most sought after souvenirs. So, instead of visiting the tourist trail, why not head along to the Alcaston Gallery and take in the work of this celebrated Warlayirti artist.
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When: 15 & 16 December Where: Federation Square Cost: Free
Eubena Nampitjin’s work has been celebrated across the board for its regal and powerful demeanor. Whilst a Nampitjin may cost a little bit more than your standard tourist treat, at least you can go back home in possession of a real treasure. When: Until December 22 Where: Alcaston Gallery, Fitzroy BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
100% Thrills
ROOFTOP Katie Drover Spacey Space Agent 86 Peter Baker DANCEFLOOR Muska Freya Tigerfunk Adam Askew Jimi Danger Rooftop BBQ from 1pm Always free, always fun. Corner Brunswick Street & Rose Street Fitzroy VIC
bimbodeluxe.com.au facebook.com/luckybimbo
WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE
Ace interviewer and photographer, Jeremy Williams, has been catching up with artists from Australia and abroad before they hit Melbourne. BBM is thrilled to bring his first feature to you, with the lovely Paris Wells. “Everyone in Australia is upping the ante at the moment, they just know there is no point making a low-fi record which used to be a bit of a negative Australian way.” Having come to Australian attention with her 2008 debut album Keep It, Paris Wells found herself jumping from working an office job in advertising sales to being the support act for the likes of Jamie Lidell and Justin Timberlake. Though the jump was a big one, for the sophisticated soul singer it was all part of her bigger dream. Whilst she may have been working in an office by day, Wells was gigging by night, which led to a fateful meeting with the man she knows as “the Girl Whisperer, that’s his nickname. Even his ex-girlfriends, they start out retail assistants and they end up professional actresses and contemporary dancers.” With a wry smile she concedes that the Girl Whisperer (aka True Live’s Ryan Ritchie) “does it to all girls, but I am the one who paid off for him both financially and emotionally I think. The rest just ran away.” In meeting Ritchie, Wells had ticked box one on her loosely formed to do list. She explains, “I was really savvy to the fact that in order to make the music I wanted to make, I knew I needed a producer. That journey for females can take forever. I only had to mention three acts that I dug and I knew Jamie Lidell’s album had come out through Warp and I already knew it off by heart. He was like no girls know that record, I have to work with this girl. Then we went to the studio and he was like, she is singing out of tune, she has a good voice so let’s just send you to a teacher.” Singing lessons complete, Wells has set the bar for her spine-chillingly beautiful second album Various Small Fires higher than her debut. “We upped the ante on ourselves. We were like, we made a great Aussie soul record first time, now we have to make a record for the entire world, of international standard.” Paris plays at The Corner Hotel on December 16. Tickets are only $12 and are available from cornerhotel.com
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MELBOURNE NEWS IT’S A BIT SWARM OUTSIDE VICTORIA. It’s basically all the worst parts of the Bible. Aieee! Yes Melbournites, the end is nigh. The time has come to drink up your stash of Pure Blonde, tell that girl in accounts with the big norks that the world’s going to end so does she want a fumble on the photocopier and make crap jokes like ‘armageddon outta here!’ For the Lord Almighty is angry with Victoria, or to give it it’s new name Gomorrah – land of the Sodomites. And his Lordship has shown his displeasure the traditional way – by chucking a load of locusts at us! Aiee! The buzzing! The buzzing! Victoria was gripped by its worst locust plague in 70 years this week with the buzzy buggers suddenly all over the
place now that conditions are favourable. A bit like Chelsea fans. With torrential downpours predicted, locust activity was expected to slow down. So there were loads of them, then they all disappear when there’s a bad spell. This similarity with Chelsea fans is uncanny! “They’re certainly not classified as swarms in Melbourne, just the odd isolated locusts here and there in very low densities. “The wet weather in general will really suppress locust activity,” said locust director Rob Walker. “It will really slow them down over the next couple of days. They will go to ground and wait for it to warm up when they will start flying again,” added Carlo Ancelotti.
PROSPECTS BLEAK IF SPANDAU Ballet taught us anything it’s that you are gold, you should always believe in your soul and you’ve got the power to know, you’re indestructible. Sadly it seems the wistful lyrics of the brother of the bloke from Eastenders were taken all too literally by a hiker in Victoria this week. Peter Sundermann, 40, was out prospecting for gold with friends when he decided to “believe in his soul” and go looking for stuff by himself in Little Tiger Snake Creek. At the time of going to press, he’d been missing for three days and just how indestructible he is remains to be seen.
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Senior Sergeant Barlow said it was not uncommon for people to go prospecting for gold in East Gippsland. “It is a gold mining area and people certainly do go out prospecting,’’ he said. “This man had a pick with him, a prospector’s pick.” While police have not issued a description of the missing gold prospector, BBM believes he may have a long grizzled white beard, a battered dusty hat with an oversized pickaxe in one hand and a lantern in the other. He may also have been born sometime in the 1840s near California and says things likes “dag nabbit!” and “this is ma stake boy, d’ya here me!”
BOOZE BAN “I WAS drunk and my mates dragged me in,” is of course the time-honoured excuse of blokes everywhere when their wife/girlfriend finds out they’ve had a lapdance off a fat stripper. Now those anti-filth bastards, the Coalition Against Trafficking Women Australia, want to screw us over after calling for a ban on booze in Victorian strip clubs. In a scathing report, the Coalition said strip clubs exploited women and acted as a gateway into prostitution. They didn’t say what the downside was.
PLACE CASE WHY the hell would you want to go to Victoria, let alone live there? That seems to be the message from the Government after the slogan “Victoria – the place to be” was removed from all promotional and informational material in the lead-up to the Victorian election. The Department of Premier and Cabinet has given departments clear advice, one bureaucrat said, that the slogan “will not be resurrected’’. Suggestions that the new slogan will be “Victoria – riddled with locusts” have yet to be confirmed.
STRIP TIP IN what will possibly the storyline to Underbelly 18: Desperate for Ideas, a former policeman has avoided jail after he admitted tipping off a strip-club owner friend about an impending police alcohol crackdown. “Every time you see police struggling with violent drunks, either inside or outside premises, you will know that you undermined their endeavours to keep the streets of this city safe and that their attempts to curb a significant social evil in our community, of violence fuelled by alcohol, have been undermined by you,’’ Judge Joe Gullaci said. But you still let him off though. We’re sure he’s crying himself to sleep.
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DDED
A JUST
STEVE LAWLER // FRANCOIS K // M.A.N.D.Y. /// N DARREN EMERSON // HIGH CONTRAST // ELIO RALPH LAWSON // BREAK // NETSS
SPACE IBIZA
NICK CURLY // SEBASTIEN LEGER // ANDY C IO RISO // DAVE SEAMAN // CAMILO FRANCO SKY // KOBRA KAI // MC LOWQUI
WHAT’S ON PERTH
WHEN you think of Perth, I’m pretty sure the first thing that enters your head won’t be the banging nightlife. The reality is that bars are continually popping up all over the shop, pretty much every week, providing a nice variety of places to go for a quiet pint, somewhere to bust out your best moves or somewhere to cure the hangover with the age old remedy of hair of the dog. Perth is home to a massive student population, so every night is party night if you go to the right place. There are options for everyone. BBM have taken it upon ourselves to leave the sofa and hit the local hotspots to provide you with some insider info on where to go and what to expect.
THE CITY
If you try and have a night out in the city midweek, you’ll be hard pressed to find anywhere that comes close to being busy. Friday night, on the other hand, is a whole different story, with the after-work crowd desperate to unwind by hitting the bars with a vengeance. Good options after work in the City would be Tiger Lils, The Squire and The Belgian Beer Café all located on Hay Street and all guaranteeing a good time, great beer and even better food. When the after-work crowd disperses and only the hardcore remain, top late-night spots to hit, if you want to stay in the city, are all still located around Hay Street, making it massively convenient to hop from bar to bar in an effort to find somewhere that suits your tastes. Amplifier attracts an alternative crowd and has live rock bands playing at the weekend but, if you haven’t got any tattoos or at least one piercing in your face, then you may feel a little too smart here. If that is the case, try Capitol or
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Carnegies, which are just down the road and are open until the wee small hours. Staying off the dance floor in these classy establishments may prove hard.
NORTHBRIDGE
The Northbridge area is actually pretty small but because you normally end up there after a few drinks, it’s pretty hard to get your bearings. I lived in Perth for nearly a year, yet ask me to find it in the day and I think I would struggle - I used to just follow the neon lights. After further research I’ve discovered that the majority of bars are located around Aberdeen Street and Lake Street just next to the CBD. The Brass Monkey is a perfect starting point for your night in Northbridge. Located just down the road from the train station, this pub boasts an impressive 19 different beers on tap and a nice cobbled courtyard to sample them in. If you are a sports fan, then the Tap Room inside the Brass Monkey has an enormous plasma screen and shows all the major international sporting events.
A favourite nightspot, if the constant massive queue is anything to go by, is The Deen. This place is huge. There are a massive nine bars to choose from and every night of the week there is a different band or DJ playing. The Deen also holds different functions, such as their massively popular Latin nights, and they usually host some competition or other which involves girls in bikinis. Seeing as Perth is renowned for having the hottest girls in Oz, surely it would be rude not to see for yourself. Just opposite The Deen is The Shed, which is equally as popular with revellers. They often feature live local bands and DJs. If you are lucky, you may be there to catch one of their infamous foam parties. Nearly all the bars in Northbridge have a late licence, making it easy to find somewhere to party. The Mustang Bar is famed throughout Perth and has an excellent reputation. It plays crowd-pleasing music and the dance floor is always packed with gorgeous
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guys and girls. The Elephant and Wheelbarrow is as close to a traditional English pub as you will find in the city and the dance floor will undoubtedly be slammed with people dancing to the live bands who play each weekend. If you are looking for somewhere to party after all the clubs are closed, then Geisha is the best bet. It’s open until 6am and offers good DJs, reasonable drink prices and a unique Japanese style décor. Other great options in Northbridge include Rosie O’Gradys Irish Pub and Eurobar but you really are spoilt for choice.
COTTESLOE
A day/night out in Cottesloe is without a doubt part of Perth culture and not something to be missed. The Sunday sessions here are awesome and it’s hard to resist doing one each and every weekend in the summer. They kick off at lunchtime and finish at 10, so you can be in bed and have no hangover come Monday morning. The top two spots to hit are The Cottesloe Hotel (The Cott) and The Ocean Beach Hotel (OBH), which are just a few hundred metres apart on the Marine Parade. Both places have massive beer gardens in which to soak up the sun, sink a few pints and have unrivalled views of the beautiful
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sunsets. Both bars also have an upstairs area where, later on in the day, DJs hit the decks and people go bananas. It’s always a shame when the lights come on at 10pm! If you want to continue the party, at the risk of a serious Monday hangover, then head to Club Bay View (CLUBBA) in nearby Claremont.
MOUNT LAWLEY
For a more chilled out night, you should go to Mount Lawley, where you will find way less backpackers and way more locals. Beaufort Street, a straight road originating from the CBD, is the hub of the action. Follow this road and first you will come across The Brisbane. This pub has a massive garden with a tropical kind of feel and an impressive menu of pub snacks and pizzas. I would recommend the homemade sausage rolls - they are seriously bad ass! The Queens, The Brisbane and The Flying Scotsman just up the road, are good options for a Sunday Session if you can’t be bothered to make the trek from the city to Cottesloe. If you are in search of something more dignified, then The Ellington Jazz Club, Luxe and Must Wine Bar could be well up your street.
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WHAT’S ON PERTH
U2’S 360° Tour has thrilled international audiences with the unique stage, The Claw, cutting a spectacular figure in venues all over the world. With a cylindrical video system of interlocking LED panels, and the steel structure rising 150 feet from the floor over a massive stage with rotating bridges, the band has truly created an intimate 360º experience for concert goers. Plus, international superstar, Jay-Z, will join U2 as a very special guest. It’ll be a beautiful day, that’s for sure. When: December 18 & 19 Where: Subiaco Oval Cost: From $40
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THE Bombay Royale play slamming surf, disco and funk tunes from 1960’s and 1970’s Indian Bollywood films. The band seeks to both reinterpret the material and compose new works drawing on this era for inspiration. The cinematic nature of the music and the many styles from which it borrows makes for a heady cocktail of Eastern and Western influences. When: Christmas Day, December 25 From 8pm Where: Deville’s Pad 1/3 Aberdeen St, Perth Cost: $25
COMING IN 2011..
CYNDI Lauper was the first artist to have five top ten singles from a debut album which included her mega hit Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. With her recent album Memphis Blues, a collection of blues cover songs, Cyndi has reinvented herself by putting her twist on one of music’s most beloved genres. “Australia is one of my favorite places and I am looking forward to visiting again in early 2011,” said Cyndi. “We always have a great time when we come to Australia.” When: Tuesday 5th April, 2011 Where: Burswood Dome Cost: From $99
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FRIDAY
DURTY NELLYS Live Acoustic Entertainment ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Daren Reid and the Soul City Groove 10pm – 1:30am ROSIE O’GRADYS Dublin Rogues 9:30 til late. THE NEWPORT HOTEL Felix Fridays 7:30 – 1am DJ’s playing live rock and dance tunes. THE SHED Heaven Sent
SATURDAY
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB Sugar Blue Review ROSEMOUNT Saturday Night Live DURTY NELLYS Red Yeti ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Time Out the Band 10pm – 1:30am MURPHYS IRISH PUB Rockafellas ROSIE O’GRADYS Blue Gene from 10pm THE NEWPORT HOTEL Felix Fridays 7:30 – 1am DJ’s playing live
rock and dance tunes THE SHED Sexy Saturdays HOTEL ROTTNEST Saturday Night Solo
SUNDAY
THE SHED Sunday Sessions and Full Irish Breakfast and Magners for $20 ROSIE O’GRADYS Blue Gene from 10pm
MONDAY
MURPHYS IRISH PUB Trivia ROSIE O’GRADYS Video Hits and Sports Replays OLD SWAN BARRACKS Pool Comp
TUESDAY
MURPHYS IRISH PUB Rockin Ronnie ROSIE O’GRADYS Backpacker Night from 9pm OLD SWAN BARRACKS Speed Pool Comp
WEDNESDAY
ROSIE O’GRADYS Open Mic night THE NEWPORT HOTEL Gravity and Degraff DJ’s 8pm -1am MURPHYS IRISH PUB Karaoke OLD SWAN BARRACKS Bingo + $7 pizzas
THURSDAY
DURTY NELLYS Beef wellington served with roast veggies and a pint of James Squire Amber Ale for just $22 ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Backpacker and Student Night MURPHYS IRISH PUB Superstar Karaoke Comp ROSIE O’GRADYS Fenton Wilde OLD SWAN BARRACKS Quiz night
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle
THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island
DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
BLACK BETTY’S 116 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge
ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth
OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2- 8 Francis Street, Perth
ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge
MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
BURSWOOD DOME Great Eastern Highway, Burswood
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RECRUITMENT
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Calling all backpackers with Accounting experience – we need you NOW! We have fantastic opportunities for travellers to gain experience in international business practice with some of the world’s best companies whilst having the time of your life here in Sydney! We currently have vacancies in the following areas: • Accounts Payable • Accounts Receivable • Collections • Assistant Accountants • Accounts Data Entry Clerks • Fixed Asset Assistants You must have between 1-2 years experience in your relevant field with strong communication skills. Ideally you will have experience working with a large international ERP system and be able to commit to your full assignment. Contact Rachel Rose on 9406 5313 to discuss further.
Payroll/ HR Ofcer, Brisbane: • • • •
Milton area, close to public transport $65K - $75K + super + leave loading Friendly and supportive environment with great perks! 8:30 – 4:30pm
As an employer we have a strong focus on rewarding our employee’s. This has secured long tenures and a highly positive working environment where morning tea’s, BBQ’s and staff functions and the norm. The Payroll/ Human Resources Officer will undertake the following duties: • Full function fortnightly payroll • Competency mapping and identification of training requirements • Workplace health and safety • Maintenance and updating IR and Certified Agreement policy • Assist with recruitment/ on-boarding process • Identify better and more effective and efficient policy and procedure around employee data management • Ad hoc tasks as identified and required The ideal candidate will be degree/ Cert IV qualified or nearing completion with a minimum four years experience in a full function payroll position. Exposure to Micropay Meridian will be highly regarded as will knowledge of MYOB. Contact: Claire Williamson on 3009 6116 or email your cv to claire.williamson@accountability.com.au
Finance Support Professionals $20 – 35 per hour We are looking for experienced Accounting Support professionals who would like to join our AccountAbility 417 Red Carpet Network. If you are seeking immediate temporary employment opportunities within Melbourne and surrounding areas and have previous experience in finance we would love to hear from you! We recruit entry level to senior positions in the following areas: • Credit • Payroll • Accounts Payable • Accounts Receivable If you are travelling Australia and would like to link into our prestigious AccountAbility417 Program which will enable you to work across major cities such as Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne we would like to review your options with you. Our exclusive club will enable easy employment transition across each state as you travel Australia as well as receiving loyalty points which you can redeem for great gifts like flights, hotel accommodation, etc If you would like to apply please contact Melissa Wharton at (03) 8629 1303 and email your CV to melissa.wharton@ accountability.com.au.
AccountAbility specialises in recruiting accounting support roles. For more opportunities or to discuss your travel/work plans, please contact us on (02) 8296 5300 or email 417@accountability.com.au
www.accountability.com.au
JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other benefits are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE. Immediate start. Full sales training. Fun working environment. Extensive travel opportunities. Call now - Sydney: (02) 9212 2668. Melbourne: (03) 9425 9444. Brisbane: (07) 3217 3307 TOP DECK IS LOOKING FOR EUROPEAN COACH DRIVERS Get paid to visit some of Europe’s best destinations while providing 1830 somethings with an unforgettable travel experience. Competitive remuneration plus all accommodation, meals and transport paid whilst on the road. Visit: http://topdeckrecruit.com or call: 1300 366 573
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CASUAL HOSPITALITY STAFF NEEDED. Chefs, Kitchen Hands, Waiters etc required for immediate start. Earn great rates - $20 - $45 per hour. Register today & start tomorrow. Ph: 9324 4644 jobs@ alseasons.com.au
ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS We’re looking for fun, loud & vibrant people to come join us in our young, dynamic sales & marketing company. Have fun at work with colleagues from all over the world as well as having the opportunity to progress and earn GREAT money at the same time. • Get paid a competitive hourly rate! • Career progression opportunities! • Complete development & product training! • No experience needed! • Available shifts between 10am – 8pm Monday to Friday! • Sponsorship opportunities available! Call NOW! 03 9011 8447 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555
World Bar is urgently seeking an enthusiastic party person to join the hostel promotions team. Must be outgoing, friendly, approachable and not allergic to Jager! 12 to 16 hours per week, $17.80 per hour. Please send resumes to urby@theworldbar.com. PROMOTION MANAGERS WANTED. Sydney’s leading event & promotion company is looking to build a team of fun, energetic and outgoing travellers to work in Sydney’s best locations. Earn in excess of $1000 per week. You will need to be a highly energetic self-motivate individual with a passion for sales. Only 10 applicants will be successful. Contact: Nathan 0405 766 353 EXPERIENCED SANDWICH HAND Required - Monthly Position 15th oct 18th Nov. Mon - Fri - City location - 6am -2pm. Call Yvonne 02 9267 4430
CALLING ALL WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS! -Earn great money while you’re here -Be part of an international network of companies -Fun and energetic environment Jobs available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and regional areas! 02 92111022 or email jpappalardo@appcogroup.com.au www.appcogroup.com
34!2 4%-03 7!.4%$
,!"/52%23 ,ABOURERS WITH CARPENTRY JOINERY EXPERIENCE AN ADVANTAGE 7ORKING AS GENERAL LABOUR OR )NSTALLATION 'REEN CARD STEEL CAPS VISIBLE VEST HARD HAT 3END #6 TO RESUME TEMPYOURSNSW COM AU OR CALL
SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney ofďŹ ces. As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to
resumes@internode.on.net BBM-586 // JOB LISTINGS
55
JOB LISTINGS ADULT EMPLOYMENT &YPUJD %BODFST &YDMVTJWF $#% (FOUMFNFO T $MVC
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!!
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Female Masseurs required
$BMM PS UFYU
Full training provided
$110 p/hr
Immediate Start -BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV
56
Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES
135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
BBM-586 // JOB LISTINGS
ADULT EMPLOYMENT TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS
Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies.Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat.
TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Female Masseurs Required $110 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
(02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Short/long term positions avail. Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $100+ per hour
www.sirs.com.au
80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
92997771
BBM-586 // JOB LISTINGS
57
JOB LISTINGS
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58
BBM-586 // JOB LISTINGS
ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840.
DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/ TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.
TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms for $160 a week max 4 bed dorms, doubles and singles rooms also available $300 a week - in the heart of the city. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
PORT STEPHENS - Only 2.5 hours north of Sydney Get away for the weekend or start your travels up the coast with a visit to beautiful Port Stephens. Present this ad for great deals as follows:
*Weekend Package ONLY $99 per person
INCLUDES: Two nights dorm accommodation plus 1.5 hour Beach & Dune Sandboarding Adventure Free bikes Free 1 day Wi-Fi
*4 Night Package ONLY $268 per person
INCLUDES: Four nights dorm accommodation 1.5 hour Beach & Dune Sandboarding Adventure 3.5 hour Whale Watch 2 hour Beginner surf lesson Free bikes Free 1 day Wi-Fi
BBM-586 // ACCOMMODATION
59
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com
See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au
60
PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au
Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL
428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL
370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES
CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS
MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865
HUNTER VALLEY
GOLDCOAST
HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
KATOOMBA
KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
JINDABYNE
SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au
BYRON BAY
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS
NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE
LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
QUEENSLAND BRISBANE
TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au
GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
NOOSA
MISSION BEACH
www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
spbr@bigpond.net.au
CALOUNDRA
CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au
MOOLOOLABA
MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com
MACKAY
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY
NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
BBM-586 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
Australia CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS
BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH
MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1105 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE
Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH
PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au
30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH
WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au
ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966
KUNUNURRA
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
VICTORIA
madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
MONKEY MIA
TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060
KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
MONKEY MIA
MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
MILDURA
RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP
BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au
www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE
GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051
(opposite Queen Vic Market)
Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!
EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA
78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com
Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
BBM-586 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au
Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.
HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au
ST. KILDA
OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au
Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply
JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN
CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au
HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS
CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com
SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH
MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE
HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”
CHRISTCHURCH
CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN
BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad
GREYMOUTH
KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz
KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND
DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz
THE RUSTY ANCHOR
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach
NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww. beachcomberfiji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfiji.com www.aquariusfiji.com
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THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji. com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
BBM-586 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA
Coffs City Skydivers 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au
AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
Skydive Byron Bay P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
Sunshine Coast Skydivers Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com Skydive Coffs Harbour P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
Simply Skydive Sydney P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre
Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au
Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!
Skydive the Reef Cairns 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au
Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
Skydive Jurien Bay 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com
SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au
Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND
SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj
‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au
Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive.
FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au dive@fishrock.com.au
World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!
NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE
Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS
Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI
SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au
The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
RAFTING
AUSTRALIA
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
BBM-586 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA
BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
SURFING AUSTRALIA
SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com
Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience
MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au
JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
KITESURF 1770 / IKO CERTIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au
JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au
JET BOATING
RIVER BOARDING
NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET
The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA
ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022
GLACIER GUIDING NEW ZEALAND
Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
NEW ZEALAND
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au
BUNGY JUMPING AUSTRALIA
AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com
VISIT BBMLIVE.COM FOR MORE LISTINGS 63
CRYSTAL BALLS
Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week song writers are shit nowadays
round only in a metaphorical
Don’t be a player hater. No, I
because they have nothing to
sense.
don’t know what that means
be angry about. They plagiarise
either.
material and pass it off as their
Now you understand that, try
own.
not to embarrass yourself in
The key to finding the truth
Libra
three in the morning and send
MOST of your body is going
indeed based on science and
a random text message meant
to become an erogenous zone
physics.
for your ex to your current
later this week and you might
girlfriend or boyfriend.
be awkwardly caught out
other metaphorical phrases are
when even the slightest, even
Capricorn
accidental, touch causes you to
NORMALLY today wouldn’t
wet yourself.
cause you any difficulties, but
Aries
Cancer
THE MENTAL problem you
SHOOTING high into the air
are having may subside later
during a celebration, may cause
Curvy, gorgeous, lascivious...
this week once you relax about
injury to you or those around
are the last three “Words of the
things. I give you permission to
you. “Shout, shout, let it all out”
day” that landed in my inbox.
Today will make it hard for
do what you want to, today.
is a rhyming message which
For you they will be associated
you to make any sense of
can really help you out this
with nothing.
gobbledygook.
Vegetables have always made please bear in mind that any
today might just go against the norm.
week.
you think naughty thoughts, so visits to market-places could
Leo
leave you red-faced.
Scorpio
Any film you watch over the coming weekend will stay with
DAVE is not a name you want
you forever. Please ensure the
NATURALLY your instinct will
to associate with today. Dave
film is not Tomb Raider.
be to find love in places where
may be the devil’s spawn. It’s
Like a beetroot. Are you
people are either inebriated or
hard to tell.
thinking of a beetroot? Are you
are known to be easy.
Taurus IF YOU feel happy today, try to
Aquarius
Celebrities don’t find you
TRUE LOVE is only ever one
However, many find that a
attractive because you are
step away.
library or inside the foyer of
pond scum in comparison.
being dirty? Cut it out!!
council offices is also a good place to pick up sluts.
create something that reflects
But then so is it’s ever present It’s going to be one of those
bosom-buddies, Abject Failure
days, I really, really apologise
and Humiliation.
that happiness. Harsh words
Useless information to you Leo
for how miserable your
may be spoken by a loved one
because everyone knows you
existence has become in
You may start to wonder this
on Friday.
can’t read or spell your name
comparison to mine.
week why True Love chooses
and you have the charm of a Your response is simple - either
five-day old curry.
tell them to go fuck themselves with a big curvy rock or agree that you are indeed the culprit
Virgo
when those brown stains are
ANY IRRITATION you feel
discovered.
this week may be due to an
Gemini
to keep such rotten company.
Sagittarius IF YOU think you’ve got
Pisces
problems today, just wait until
YOU THINK “pink”, but you
tomorrow!
buy “blue”. This is why you’re confused a lot of the time.
oncoming illness, or possibly
There are always good reasons
disease. Many of the best lyrics
to ask a fellow human to
You may never find what you’re
are attributable today.
“step outside”, and you may
looking for, but keep searching.
ARTIFACTS that appear on
64
front of others by declaring that
is to stand on Coogee Bay at
be forced to do this over the
your eyeballs are an after-effect
Take into consideration that
of going out on the razzle for
most songs are about love and
four nights running.
adversity. But consider that
coming week.
At least you managed to find that picture of the chimp sitting
Money makes the world go
on a toilet reading a newspaper.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
ASK CRYSTAL How do I make my boyfriend see
good piece of machinery.
that I want him to want me as a woman? Rhona, Penrith
Dear Rhona, MAKE LOVE? Fornicating? Who
Dear Crystal,
Dear Sarah,
However, it could just be time to consider that you’re a shit shag
SARAH does this look like the
or your boyfriend is a gay.
Samaritans to you?
Dear Crystal,
makes love any more? People
Stop lying to yourself for starters. You don’t have any friends anywhere.
I’M A backpacker who has just
fuck.
arrived in Australia on my own. I’M FRUSTRATED with my
The last time anyone fornicated
boyfriend. We’re a couple in our
was in a Sir Hugh Seymour
I was wondering if you could
mid-20s but he won’t make love
Walpole romantic novel.
offer any advice as to how I
to me any more.
These ‘friends’ back home you speak of don’t exist except
could make friends while I travel. Tell your boyfriend to get his
maybe in your warped mind. You’re obviously fugly, with poor hygiene and bad habits.
He says that we have other more
priorities right and that you want
I decided to leave home and
important responsibilities and
to be treated like a victim of that
travel but no-one wanted to
As a result you’ve probably
can’t be focusing on fornicating.
famously punishing pirate Long
come with me.
no sexual experience or any desirable qualities.
Dong Silver. I have my needs and desires and I want them to be fulfilled.
I made the break and now that I Otherwise it is time to invest in a
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@britishballs.com
have arrived in Australia, I long
Your only option is to lie about
for companionship.
every aspect of your miserable
Sarah, Darwin
existence.
JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
AT school I was taught that I shouldn’t label people as disabled. It was offensive, and a huge waste of stickers. John, Wollongong THAT’S the third time I’ve had my application for the Special Olympics declined. Apparently there’s no such thing as a giant dwarf. Jack, Chicago EPILEPTIC Santa. “He seizures when you’re sleeping.” Peter, Yorkshire MY MATE said, “Fucking hell, I was so drunk last night”. I said, “Not as drunk as me.” He said, “Course I was, did you see that girl I went home with? She was a right minger.” I said, “That’s nothing. Did you see the girl I went home with?” He said, “Didn’t your wife pick you up?” I said, “Yep.” Dexy, Surry Hills WAITRESS: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘Yes, what kind of font is this?’ Timothy, Perth 66
GRAN’S always up for a laugh, so for a bit of a practical joke, I put her walking stick out of her reach. I can’t believe she fell for it. Ted, Leeds I DISCOVERED that my son has become sexually active today. Not something I expected to find out from the vet. Rick, Darwin MY mate wished me a Merry Christmas today. A bit early but he does suffer from premature congratulation. Jimbo, Townsville THERE was an earthquake near the Galaxy chocolate factory this morning. It sent ripples through the whole building. Sam, Derby MY son wants a gold fish for Christmas. He must think I’m made of money. Roger, Randwick
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Pl Arsenal 16 Manchester United 15 Chelsea 16 Manchester City 16 Tottenham Hotspur 16 Bolton Wanderers 16 Sunderland 16 Liverpool 16 West Bromwich Albion 16 Stoke City 16 Blackburn Rovers 16 Newcastle United 16 Blackpool 15 Birmingham City 16 Everton 16 Aston Villa 16 Fulham 16 Wigan Athletic 16 Wolverhampton Wanderers 16 West Ham United 16
W 10 8 9 8 7 5 5 6 6 6 6 5 5 3 3 4 2 3 3 2
D 2 7 3 5 5 8 8 4 4 3 3 4 4 9 8 5 9 6 3 6
L 4 0 4 3 4 3 3 6 6 7 7 7 6 4 5 7 5 7 10 8
+/16 19 19 9 3 5 2 1 -4 0 -4 -1 -6 -2 -2 -10 -4 -15 -13 -13
LEAGUE 1
CHAMPIONSHIP Pts 32 31 30 29 26 23 23 22 22 21 21 19 19 18 17 17 15 15 12 12
Queens Park Rangers Cardiff City Swansea City Norwich City Coventry City Leeds United Derby County Burnley Nottingham Forest Watford Millwall Doncaster Rovers Reading Barnsley Portsmouth Leicester City Ipswich Town Bristol City Hull City Sheffield United Scunthorpe United Crystal Palace Middlesbrough Preston North End
Pl 19 20 20 20 20 20 20 19 19 20 20 19 19 19 19 20 20 19 19 19 20 20 20 20
W 11 11 11 9 10 9 9 7 6 7 7 7 6 7 7 7 7 6 5 6 6 6 5 4
D 8 4 3 6 3 5 3 8 9 6 6 6 8 5 4 4 3 5 7 4 2 2 3 4
L 0 5 6 5 7 6 8 4 4 7 7 6 5 7 8 9 10 8 7 9 12 12 12 12
+/26 14 10 6 5 1 9 7 4 3 3 1 6 -5 -1 -8 -7 -6 -6 -11 -12 -13 -11 -15
Pts 41 37 36 33 33 32 30 29 27 27 27 27 26 26 25 25 24 23 22 22 20 20 18 16
Pl Brighton 18 Charlton Athletic 18 AFC Bournemouth 18 Sheffield Wednesday 19 Huddersfield Town 18 Oldham Athletic 18 Colchester United 18 Southampton 18 Carlisle United 18 Peterborough United 18 Exeter City 18 Milton Keynes Dons FC 18 Brentford 18 Swindon Town 19 Hartlepool United 17 Rochdale 18 Plymouth Argyle 18 Bristol Rovers 18 Tranmere Rovers 18 Leyton Orient 18 Notts County 17 Dagenham & Redbridge 18 Yeovil Town 18 Walsall 18
W 10 9 8 9 9 7 7 8 7 8 7 8 7 6 6 5 6 5 6 5 6 3 4 4
D 6 5 6 3 2 8 8 4 6 2 5 2 4 6 5 7 4 7 4 6 1 6 3 2
LEAGUE 2
L 2 4 4 7 7 3 3 6 5 8 6 8 7 7 6 6 8 6 8 7 10 9 11 12
+/17 7 16 13 9 6 2 10 8 -3 -4 -5 0 -3 -4 2 -6 -7 -7 0 -7 -13 -16 -15
Pts 36 32 30 30 29 29 29 28 27 26 26 26 25 24 23 22 22 22 22 21 19 15 15 14
Port Vale Chesterfield Bury Shrewsbury Town Rotherham United Torquay United Wycombe Wanderers Cheltenham Town Crewe Alexandra Macclesfield Town Stevenage Football Club Oxford United Aldershot Town Burton Albion Accrington Stanley Bradford City Gillingham Northampton Town Southend United Lincoln City Stockport County Morecambe Barnet Hereford United
Pl 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 17 18 18 18 19 18 18 18 18 18 19 17 18 19 18 19 18
W 10 10 10 9 8 7 7 7 6 7 5 6 5 5 4 6 5 5 5 5 4 4 4 3
D 6 5 4 5 7 7 7 5 7 4 9 5 7 6 9 3 6 6 5 4 7 6 4 6
L 2 3 4 4 3 4 4 5 5 7 4 8 6 7 5 9 7 8 7 9 8 8 11 9
+/17 15 15 13 8 9 6 -1 12 -3 5 -2 -6 1 -1 -4 -5 -7 -2 -12 -20 -7 -15 -16
L 1 1 2 4 4 6 5 6 6 6 7 5 7 7 8 8 9 8 6 7
+/33 24 15 1 4 2 -1 3 2 -3 -4 -4 -5 -7 -7 -11 -9 -11 -11 -11
Pts 36 35 34 32 31 28 28 26 25 25 24 23 22 21 21 21 21 21 20 19 19 18 16 15
EUROPEAN LEAGUES
FOCUS ON... BUNDESLIGA IT’S not even Christmas yet but Borussia Dortmund appear to have the Bundesliga wrapped up already after opening up a 10 point cushion at the top. With nearest rivals Mainz slipping of the pace, following a fourth defeat in five games last weekend, it looks like no one’s going to stop them. Certainly Bayern Munich won’t. Guiding his team to the Champions League final last season, underfire Bayern coach Lousi van Gaal bought himself some extra time in charge. Seeing as they’re already 17 points behind Dortmund in this campaign though, it looks like it was just a stay of execution.
Pl Borussia Dortmund 15 FSV Mainz 05 15 Bayer Leverkusen 15 Hannover 96 15 SC Freiburg 15 Hoffenheim 15 Bayern München 15 Eintracht Frankfurt 15 Hamburger SV 15 Werder Bremen 15 1. FC Nürnberg 15 1. FC Kaiserslautern 15 VfL Wolfsburg 15 FC St.Pauli 15 Schalke 04 15 VfB Stuttgart 15 1. FC Köln 15 Borussia Mönchengladbach15
W 13 10 8 9 8 6 6 7 6 5 5 5 4 5 4 3 3 2
D 1 0 5 1 0 5 5 2 3 4 3 2 5 2 4 3 3 4
L 1 5 2 5 7 4 4 6 6 6 7 8 6 8 7 9 9 9
+/28 10 8 -1 -3 10 6 3 0 -9 -8 -1 -1 -9 -3 0 -13 -17
Pts 40 30 29 28 24 23 23 23 21 19 18 17 17 17 16 12 12 10
SERIE A AC Milan Lazio Juventus Napoli Internazionale Sampdoria Palermo AS Roma Genoa Chievo Udinese Fiorentina Catania Parma Cagliari Bologna Brescia Cesena Lecce Bari
Pl 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 15 14 15 15 15 15 15 14 15 15 15 15
W 10 9 7 8 6 5 7 6 6 5 6 5 4 4 4 4 3 3 3 2
D 3 3 6 3 5 8 2 5 3 5 2 4 6 6 5 5 3 3 3 4
LA LIGA L 2 3 2 4 4 2 6 4 6 4 7 6 5 5 6 5 9 9 9 9
+/14 8 14 7 6 6 5 0 -1 2 0 0 -2 -4 1 -5 -9 -10 -18 -14
Pts 33 30 27 27 23 23 23 23 21 20 20 19 18 18 17 16 12 12 12 10
FC Barcelona Real Madrid Villarreal CF RCD Espanyol Valencia CF Real Sociedad RCD Mallorca Atlético Madrid Getafe CF Sevilla FC Athletic Bilbao Deportivo La Coruña Osasuna Hércules CF Levante UD Racing Santander Málaga CF Sporting Gijón UD Almería Real Zaragoza
Pl 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14
W 12 11 9 9 7 7 6 6 6 6 6 4 4 4 4 4 4 2 1 1
D 1 2 3 1 3 1 3 2 2 2 1 5 3 3 2 2 1 4 7 6
Pts 37 35 30 28 24 22 21 20 20 20 19 17 15 15 14 14 13 10 10 9
SCOTTISH PREMIER Rangers Celtic Heart of Midlothian Inverness Motherwell Kilmarnock Dundee United Hibernian St. Johnstone St. Mirren Aberdeen Hamilton Academical
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Pl 14 15 14 15 14 15 14 15 15 15 15 15
W 12 11 8 7 7 6 5 4 4 3 3 2
D 1 2 2 4 2 2 4 3 3 4 1 4
L 1 2 4 4 5 7 5 8 8 8 11 9
+/19 23 9 8 6 6 -5 -8 -12 -12 -16 -18
Pts 37 35 26 25 23 20 19 15 15 13 10 10
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL RESULTS Thursday, 9 December The FA Cup Luton 1-3 Charlton Wednesday, 8 December Uefa Champions League AC Milan 0-2 Ajax Arsenal 3-1 Partizan Belgrade Bayern Munich 3-0 Basle CFR 1907 Cluj-Napoca 1-1 Roma Marseille 1-0 Chelsea MSK Zilina 1-2 Spartak Moscow Real Madrid 4-0 Auxerre Shakhtar Donetsk 2-0 Braga The FA Cup FC United of Manchester 0-4 Brighton FIFA Club World Cup Al-Wahda 3-0 Hekari United Tuesday, 7 December Uefa Champions League Barcelona 2-0 Rubin Kazan Benfica 1-2 Schalke 04 Bursaspor 1-1 Rangers FC Copenhagen 3-1 Panathinaikos FC Twente 3-3 Tottenham Lyon 2-2 Hapoel Tel-Aviv Man Utd 1-1 Valencia Werder Bremen 3-0 Inter Milan The FA Cup Leyton Orient 8-2 Droylsden (After Extra Time) Swindon 2-3 Crawley Town (After Extra Time) Blue Square Premier Hayes & Yeading 2-1 Eastbourne Boro Blue Square South Boreham Wood 6-3 Weston-S-Mare Monday, 6 December Barclays Premier League Liverpool 3-0 Aston Villa Sunday, 5 December Barclays Premier League Sunderland 1-0 West Ham West Brom 3-1 Newcastle Saturday, 4 December Barclays Premier League Arsenal 2-1 Fulham Birmingham 1-1 Tottenham Blackburn 3-0 Wolverhampton Chelsea 1-1 Everton Man City 1-0 Bolton Wigan 2-2 Stoke Npower Championship Cardiff 1-1 Preston Coventry 1-0 Middlesbrough Derby 1-2 Norwich Ipswich 1-3 Swansea Leeds United 2-1 Crystal Palace Millwall 3-0 Scunthorpe Watford 3-2 Leicester Npower League One Swindon 2-1 Sheff Wed Npower League Two Northampton 2-0 Stockport Oxford Utd 2-1 Barnet Scottish League Championship Second Division Alloa 2-2 Peterhead Principality Building Society Welsh Premier Bangor City 8-1 Port Talbot The New Saints 2-0 Airbus UK Thursday, 2 December Uefa Europa League BATE Borisov 1-4 Dynamo Kiev Borussia Dortmund 3-0 Karpaty Lviv CSKA Moscow 5-1 Lausanne Sports CSKA Sofia 1-2 Besiktas FC Sheriff Tiraspol 1-1 AZ Alkmaar FC Utrecht 3-3 Napoli Palermo 2-2 Sparta Prague PAOK Salonika 1-1 Club Bruges Paris SG 4-2 Sevilla Rapid Vienna 1-3 FC Porto Steaua Bucharest 1-1 Liverpool Villarreal 3-0 Dinamo Zagreb
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FANTASY FOOTBALL Wednesday, 1 December Uefa Europa League AA Gent 1-0 Levski Sofia Atletico Madrid 2-3 Aris Salonika FC Metalist Kharkiv 2-1 Debrecen Hajduk Split 1-3 AEK Athens Lech Poznan 1-1 Juventus Man City 3-0 Red Bull Salzburg | Report Odense BK 1-1 Getafe Rosenborg 0-1 Bayer Leverkusen Sampdoria 1-2 PSV Eindhoven Sporting 1-0 Lille Young Boys 4-2 VfB Stuttgart Zenit St Petersburg 3-1 Anderlecht Carling Cup Birmingham 2-1 Aston Villa Ipswich 1-0 West Brom Tuesday, 30 November Carling Cup Arsenal 2-0 Wigan West Ham 4-0 Man Utd Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Carlisle 3-1 Sheff Wed Blue Square Premier Kidderminster 0-0 York Monday, 29 November The FA Cup Droylsden 1-1 Leyton Orient Npower Championship Leicester 1-0 Nott’m Forest Sunday, 28 November Barclays Premier League Newcastle 1-1 Chelsea Tottenham 2-1 Liverpool Npower Championship Norwich 4-1 Ipswich Saturday, 27 November Barclays Premier League Aston Villa 2-4 Arsenal Bolton 2-2 Blackpool Everton 1-4 West Brom Fulham 1-1 Birmingham Man Utd 7-1 Blackburn Stoke 1-1 Man City West Ham 3-1 Wigan Wolverhampton 3-2 Sunderland The FA Cup AFC Wimbledon 0-2 Stevenage Brighton 1-1 FC United of Manchester Burton Albion 3-1 Chesterfield Bury 1-2 Peterborough Carlisle 3-2 Tamworth Charlton 2-2 Luton Colchester 1-0 Swindon Supermarine Darlington 0-2 York Dover 2-0 Aldershot Hereford 2-2 Lincoln City Huddersfield 6-0 Macclesfield Sheff Wed 3-2 Northampton Southampton 3-0 Cheltenham Torquay 1-0 Walsall Wycombe 3-1 Chelmsford Npower Championship Barnsley 0-0 Watford Bristol City 3-0 Sheff Utd Burnley 2-1 Derby Crystal Palace 1-0 Doncaster Middlesbrough 2-2 Hull Preston 0-0 Millwall QPR 2-1 Cardiff Reading 0-0 Leeds United Scunthorpe 0-2 Coventry Npower League One Rochdale 1-1 Oldham
$1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague.com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.
Prizes
(in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
#
TEAM
MANAGER
GW
TOT
1
every week you
dan magee
49
880
2
Dizzying Heights FC
Siva Iyer
68
880
3
alovelycupoftea
James Horrocks
60
878
4
Stop, Hammertime!
Paul Steadman
77
837
5
Alcohol Fc
Ron f
48
836
6
Mukin Fagic
Luke Gately
49
832
7
Ozzies Allstars ***
James Osborne
69
832
8
Rootin & Tootin
Oisin Coveney
68
831
9
Evertonian
John Armitage
38
826
10
Holy-family ‘B’ team
Pat Mustard
57
813
11
Your Ma’s Athletic
brian o gorman
46
806
12
Arsenal
Brian Harvey
59
791
13
Alan’s Deep Bath
jason kerley
72
791
14
KOP THAT
Tony Hagan
56
785
15
TippytappyFC
Richie Egan
73
782
16
stopcallingitsoccer
Tom Davis
58
781
17
Juggernauts
Gaurav Rana
46
778
18
Tallulah
Neil Weaver
32
778
19
bobby dazzlerz
tom mcelwain
50
775
20
Hardly Athletic
Grant Haworth
44
775
Npower League Two Morecambe 1-2 Crewe Clydesdale Bank Premier League Celtic 2-2 Inverness CT Hamilton 0-0 St Mirren Hibernian 0-0 St Johnstone Kilmarnock 2-0 Aberdeen
New Entry
Ranking Increased
Ranking stayed the same
Ranking Fell
Blue Square Premier Cambridge Utd 4-0 Altrincham
69
ASHES FEATURE YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT
TEST DATES
OK WE know we should be looking ahead to the Perth test rather than still revelling in the Adelaide win last week. But hey, it’s been 24 years since England won by such a massive margin in Australia so forgive us if we’re still in gloating mode.
25–29 November (Brisbane, The Gabba) Result: MATCH DRAWN
So to make the magic of last week’s walloping stretch that little bit longer, here are some of our favourite quotes from the aftermath of the Adelaide hammering. Hurrah!
3–7 December (Adelaide, Adelaide Oval) Result: ENGLAND WON
MICHAEL VAUGHAN
16–20 December (Perth, WACA Ground) Result: -
RUBBING SALT INTO THE WOUND A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER ENGLAND’S WIN...
26–30 December (Melbourne, Melbourne Cricket Ground) Result: -
“Just to let all you Aussies know. Bad light would have forced the players off now. Rain coming as well... Never mind.”
3–7 January (Sydney, Sydney Cricket Ground) Result: -
DAVE HUGHES
AUSSIE COMEDIAN...
“The only thing the Aussie bowlers are worse at than batting - is bowling.” RICHARD HINDS SYDNEY MORNING HERALD COLUMNIST
“The final two days at Adelaide, we were assured, was when we would find out what this Australian team was made of. The results are not yet back from the lab, but it seems to be some sort of gooey, soft-centred material that melts rapidly when heat is applied, is easily removed from flat surfaces, does not bounce or spin and which stinks to high heaven.” 70
MICHAEL CLARKE OPTIMISTIC AT THE START OF DAY FIVE...
“Come on boys. Northy and Huss going to have the day of there lives today. We can do this. Get behind us Aussie...” We can do this.” ANDREW FLINTOFF
FEELING A BIT SORRY FOR THE AUSSIES...
“Just nail them.” BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
ASHES NEWS FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! WIKIPEDIA quote: “[Ian] Chappell has had a number of run-ins with England’s Ian Botham and come off second best in every instance. His cowardice in the face of England’s greatest living allrounder is legendary and Chappell has, as a result, become something of a laughing-stock and pariah amongst cricket fans the world over.” As every good journalist knows, if it’s on Wikipedia it must be true, and one of cricket’s most famous feuds boiled over again this week when Beefy Botham and cowardly Chappell apparently squared up to each other in a car park in Adelaide last week. The pair are both covering the Ashes for Sky and Channel Nine respectively and it all kicked off when Chappell muttered something as he passed Beefy. Botham, who was waiting for his Sky transport outside Adelaide Oval, reportedly turned around and said “What did you say?” Chappell made another remark and,
according to the Daily Mail, they dropped their luggage and went for it. Fair play to 67-year-old Chappell, who would clearly have been battered by Botham, for standing his ground. Lucky he had a load of mates around him at the time to separate them before anything could kick off. According to BBM sources, Chappell definitely shit himself during the incident. The feud started in a bar in 1977 although the story of how it started varies between the two camps. Therefore, we have decided to only tell you Botham’s side of the tale. Botham claims he reacted to a comment about England from Chappell, who had recently retired from international cricket. Beefy says he landed a punch on Chappell which sent him sprawling off his stool into a group of Aussie rules players, scattering their drinks. Botham then chased Chappell out of the bar, the Englishman hurdling a car bonnet to get at his rival. Hilarious.
NEW WARNE-ING SOME bloke in the Guardian wrote a good article about how England have learned from past Ashes mistakes having committed pretty much every one imaginable over the last two decades. Well it seems Australia weren’t watching as their continual switching of the team and panic-button pressing reached new heights this week with growing calls for Shane Warne to come out of retirement for the remaining three Tests. Admittedly, he’s probably still the best spinner they’ve got – but what a fucking slap in the eye to every other available tweaker out there. Frankly, we’d love it if he came back. Good as he maybe, he’s so out of shape it would be like watching Mr Blobby with a dodgy
72
hairpiece stumbling up to the wicket. “I am told from a reliable source that while Warne would be honoured to be asked, he wouldn’t even consider it unless he was made captain, and even then he would be unlikely. I say, OK,” wrote Sydney Morning Herald columnist Peter Fitzsimmons. “Ricky Ponting, we love you and thanks, but it just isn’t working.” Even better, Warnie hasn’t really ruled it out. Just saying he’d be honoured but it would be unlikely to happen. The twin cherries on the cake for BBM would be the thought of Ponting being so publicly humiliated and beating Warne on his home turf. It’s good to be a Pom people.
THIRD TEST GUIDE THIRD TEST:
DECEMBER 16-20 GROUND GUIDE:
PERTH - THE WACA HOME TEAM:
WESTERN AUSTRALIA CAPACITY:
25,000
TURF TALK: After the reasonably flat decks of Brisbane and Adelaide, even the Aussies should be able to deliver a few wickets on the WACA’s traditionally fast and hard track. It’s a shame Broad’s out because he could have done some real damage here – still it’s not as if we’re lacking for replacements. It’s also the ground where England usually struggle – with only one win 10 outings. The hosts have six victories with only three draws, so a result is likely. A lot will depend on who the Aussies go with in attack. If they get that right for once, we might have a game on. Thankfully, they’ve fucked it up twice already and with Mitchell Johnson’s confidence shot to pieces we can only hope that even if he is picked, he’ll go all Steve Harmison on us.
BROAD SELECTION WITH Ajmal Shahzad, Chris Tremlett and Tim Bresnan all slavering like wolves at the thought of getting stuck into the despondent Aussies, England’s melanoma-tastic coach Andy Flower reckons he’s got a farily good idea who’s going to replace the injured Stuart Broad. Flower was still going to wait on the performances from the threeday match in Victoria which started yesterday, but seemed fairly sure who would come in. “You don’t judge people on one performance,” said Flower. “We have ideas of who would replace Broad. But we will get 270 overs of viewing our potential replacement.”
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
WORLD SPORT A WEBBER DECEIT FORMULA ONE: On the list of ‘things that make you look tough’, driving really fast in a circle generally doesn’t figure very high. Unless you’re a 16-year-old chav trying to impress girls in which case it’s clearly top of the pile. But fair play to Mark Webber who, apparently, drove the last four races of the Grand Prix season with a broken shoulder. Webber (pictured) only revealed the
injury after failing to win the drivers’ championship, with Red Bull team boss saying he was ‘disappointed’ not to have been informed. “The shoulder wasn’t causing me a problem, so there was no need to talk about it to anyone. I was very confident it wouldn’t affect my performance in the car. [It] didn’t affect my main line of work,” said Webber while wincing in pain and passing out several times.
RUGGER BUGGERS OFF RUGBY UNION: Wasps and Harlequins are considering playing their LV= Cup clash in Abu Dhabi. Considering the Arab world’s view on groups of men rubbing against each other and getting all touchy feely they might have to change the laws on scrums or risk a jail term.
V8 SUPERCARS: Like a terrible serving of pre-packaged food, the Telstra 500 last weekend needed a splash of water before things got really interesting. BBM witnessed the impressive weather show at Olympic Park firsthand – one side of the track fell victim to a torrential downpour while the other was as dry as BBM’s sober leadup to our Christmas party. The fools decided to stay racing on slicks instead of stopping for wet-weather tyres. Pit lane was left clueless, all three Championship leaders crashed at 260km/hour and it was freaking awesome. James Courtney, Mark Winterbottom and Jamie Whincup all crashed around lap 60 in spectacular fashion that resembled BBM’s efforts at the local carnival’s dodgem cars. The smartest racer of the day? Jonathon Webb, who was one of the few who decided to change tyres and made his way through the carnage to emerge victorious in his first V8 Supercars win after starting in 21st spot. Winterbottom had a chance to claim the championship if he won but didn’t even manage to finish after mistiming a turn and slamming into the wall. Courtney was able to make his way back onto the track, finishing 15th and winning the championship with a Ford that looked more like our three-year-old nephew’s attempt at papier-mache.
A Wasps statement read: “The club are looking into plans around this fixture but nothing is set in stone. “We are always keen to find ways to be innovative and extend the footprint of the club, while promoting the sport, but at this time nothing is agreed.”
UFC STARS MEET THE FANS
SHOW NO MERSEY BOXING: James ‘Chunky’ DeGale will go toe-to-toe with Scouse slugger Paul Smith for the British super-middleweight crown later today (Saturday, December 11th). DeGale was expecting a less-than rousing reception for the match which will take place in Smith’s hometown of Liverpool. “I remember when Smith and Tony Quigley boxed in Liverpool. Quigley got booed despite being a Scouser himself, so imagine what I’m going to get!” he said. 74
SLICK MOVES
UFC: FANCY meeting some of the hardest bastards in sport? Two-time UFC world champion BJ Penn, top welterweight contender Jon Fitch, and the two most recognisable Aussies in the sport - George Sotiropoulos and Kyle Noke – will all be on hand at Sports Theatre, Star City in Pyrmont, Sydney on Tuesday (December 14th) to meet fans and sign autographs. The session starts at 6pm. “Our Aussie fans are amongst the most loyal in the world so we’re bringing out some of the biggest names in the UFC to thank them for their support,” said Marshall Zelaznik, Managing Director of UFC in Australia. “This is a great opportunity for Sydney fans to meet some of the heroes of our sport.”
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
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FOOTBALL
VIEW: WITH LORNA EVIO
PRESSURE BUILDS FOR THE ITALIANS CHELSEA’S winless streak continues (yes the gloating of everyone I know is ringing in my ears). Carlo Ancelotti noticed the team looked more scared in the second half against Everton in the 1-1 draw last week. Scared of what exactly? Tim Cahill’s face? Because they’re not exactly a team of easily spooked youngsters. So are we going to admit now that Chelsea are in crisis? In six games they’ve only managed to win once. And if they think Roman Abramovich’s is going to splash more money on the club, think again. The Russian kajilionairre will be busy trying to build stadiums for the World Cup in 2018. Everyone knows Everton’s danger man is Tim Cahill, it’s no secret. And he made it even clearer by hitting Petr Cech in the face. Old man John Terry then used so much energy being angry at Cahill, that he failed to stop the Socceroo’s header falling to Jermaine Beckford for Everton’s equaliser. Chelsea fans just knew they were going
76
to see a draw ... again. Another week of boos at Stamford Bridge, and all smiles from the Gooner fans who see their team rise to the top of the table. But, we all know that’s only because Manchester United’s match with Blackpool was postponed. Enjoy it while you can Gooners, it won’t last long. Another manager under pressure is Roberto Mancini. Managing a team that consists of kung-fu expert Nigel De Jong, shorttempered Mario Balotelli and tantrum-throwing Carlos Tevez, cannot be easy. For weeks Mancini has tried to convince us it’s all smiles in the Man City dressing room. Then we see Carlos Tevez throw his toys out the pram after being substituted. Yes, we all know you can score goals, and every time you do ManCity win, however
that does not give you the right to disrespect your manager, Carlos. And in some weird kind of reverse psychology mind game, Roberto Mancini has ‘disciplined’ Tevez... by giving him the captain’s armband. No we don’t get it either. He’s also allowed him to go back to Argentina to sort his personal issues out during the season. Because as well know, earning more in a week than BBM will in a lifetime is such a drag. Maybe, he can use next week’s suspension time to, grow up. The pressure is on Man City to stay in the top four, not even their petro dollars can buy them a permanent spot. This is the Premier League after all, not FIFA.
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
TAKE BLATT ENGLAND! FIFA president Sepp Blatter has waggled his fingers at the end of his nose and blown a big raspberry at England, calling us ‘bad losers’ following the World Cup bid defeat. “Some are showing themselves to be bad losers,” he said while shoving large wads of Russian roubles into his gold-plated wallet. Leicester City manager SvenGoran Eriksson has admitted he failed in an attempt to sign one of the players that served him so well with England. No, not Michael Ricketts. “If you talk about [David] Beckham, of course I should take Beckham but I don’t think he will go anywhere,” said the Swedish slaphead. “I spoke to his agent to see if there was a small
chance, but he said it was not possible.” Players in Italy have stopped doing that thing they do when they flick their hand from underneath their chin, to call off this weekend’s planned strike over contract rights. Rafa Benitez’s severe case of ‘talkingbollocksitis’ has spread upstairs after Inter president Massimo Moratti called on his team to avoid another “load of cabbage” in the Champions League. The holders were embarrassed 3-0 by Werder Bremen last week. The less-than fearsome Welsh dragon has
finally got off its fat slumbering arse to try and sort out who the next national boss should be. And squarely in the frame to be offered a contract which basically amounts to a lifetime supply of leaks is Sheffield United boss Gary Speed, who has been approached the WFA. With the pointless procession that is the Champions League group stage finally over, we finally get to the good bit next week. All the usual suspects, and FC Copenhagen, are in the mix for the last-16 draw which takes place on December 17th. Waste of talent Jermaine Pennant could have his permanent move to Stoke scuppered after Real
Zaragoza slapped a £6m pricetag on the on-loan winger. “I don’t think he’ll be coming to Stoke for £6m. It’s too much, £6m is ridiculous,” choked Stoke boss Tony Pulis. Dour-faced Scotch managerial whore Craig Brown has resigned as manager of Motherwell and is expected to move to the vacant job at Aberdeen. Showing the sort of accuracy for which he’s not always renowned, Manchester United winger Nani has aimed a sly swipe at Chelsea by saying that Arsenal are a bigger threat than Carlo Ancelotti’s ailling side. “Chelsea’s confidence looks a bit low,” he sniffed.
THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!
“A SMALL mob of Lecce fans with ace pundit invaded the Italian club’s training Chris Kamara ground last week to confront defender Soulymane Diamoutene – because he used to play for arch-rivals Bari. The 27-year-old made the controversial switch last summer and has often faced criticism during home games at the Via del Mare – but usually it’s been restricted to the terraces. The fans invaded the training ground on Thursday and asked the player to: “remove the Lecce shirt”. The Mali international promptly ran off to the dressing rooms while coach Luigi De Canio calmed the fans down. Unbelievable Jeff!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK “It’s like going on X Factor, coming on, doing what you do. You’re either good or you’re not good. It’s not a case then you go back, meet up with the judges for a couple of days and have a chat and say, ‘You should be voting for me really. I’m a sexy bird, I’ll get my gear off for you’.” Harry Redknapp’s interesting interpretation of FIFA’s World Cup bid voting system. 78
BBM-586 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
FEATURE
HOWAY WITH THE FAIRIES CHRIS Hughton (pictured). Good riddance to bad rubbish we say. For years Newcastle have been the comedy club of the Premier League with the punchline being relegation to the Championship in 2009. Oh how we missed their hilarious on-field bust-ups and dire defending last season. So imagine our delight when they were promoted for 201011, with chairman Mike Ashley determined to wrestle the crown of the Premier League’s biggest joke back from Liverpool’s clownish clutches. Yet despite Ashley’s clear mandate to make Newcastle the biggest giggle-fest since Russ Abbott’s Laughter Hour, Hughton has failed to deliver. Instead he’s turned the club
around, earned the trust of a dressing room full of unpredictable dilettante wideboys, won the Championship, re-established the club in the Premier League, become popular with a notoriously fickle set of fans, smashed the local rivals 5-1 and generally been a decent, hard-working and civilised human being, for an annual wage of seven shillings. Frankly, we’re surprised he lasted so long. Yes the man who puts the cock in Cockney Mafia has given Hughton the boot saying the players had too much control or some such shit. Well so long as they get in a decent manager to replace him
it’ll be OK right? Martin O’Neill maybe? Martin Jol? Well fuck that because they’ve appointed Alan Pardew. And on a five-and-a-half year contract no less. That would be the Alan Pardew who hasn’t managed in the Premier League since getting Charlton relegated in 2007 but, surprise, surprise, is good friends with several Cockney backroom staff members at St James’ Park. The big question, however, is will any Newcastle manger ever be as good as Toon messiah Kevin Keegan… which gives us a thinly-veiled excuse to print our favourite quotes from King Kev himself! Sing Hosannahs!
BBM’S FAVOURITE KEVIN KEEGAN QUOTES...
“The Germans only have one player under 22 and he’s 23.” “They’re the second best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that.” “I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today... except that it’s totally different.” 80
“In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”
“Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose.”
WEEKEND FIXTURES Saturday 11th December Barclays Premier League Aston Villa v West Brom Everton v Wigan Athletic Fulham v Sunderland Newcastle v Liverpool Stoke City v Blackpool West Ham v Man City npower Championship Barnsley v Sheff Utd Bristol City v Derby Burnley v Leeds Utd C.Palace v Hull City Leicester v Doncaster Middlesbrough v Cardiff City Norwich v Portsmouth Preston NE v Ipswich Reading v Coventry Scunthorpe v Nottm Forest npower League 1 Bournemouth v Hartlepool Carlisle Utd v Dag & Red Colchester v Yeovil Huddersfield v Brighton Notts County v MK Dons Oldham v Swindon Plymouth v Exeter City Sheff Weds v Bristol Rovers Southampton v Brentford Tranmere v Leyton Orient npower League 2 Barnet v Accrington Bradford v Hereford Burton Albion v Southend Chesterfield v Torquay Lincoln City v Oxford United Macclesfield v Gillingham Morecambe v Port Vale Rotherham v Aldershot Shrewsbury v Cheltenham Stevenage v Northampton Stockport v Crewe Wycombe v Bury Clydesdale Bank Scottish Celtic v Kilmarnock Dundee Utd v Motherwell Hamilton Acd’ v Hibernian Hearts v Aberdeen Inverness CT v Rangers St Mirren v St Johnstone Sunday December 12 Barclays Premier League Bolton v Blackburn Tottenham v Chelsea Wolves v Birmingham npower League 1 Charlton v Walsall
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SPORT GUIDE 80
Contents PAGE 80 Football Top Five: King Kev’s quotes PAGE 78 Football News: Blatt attack PAGE 76 Football View: With Lorna Evio PAGE 74 World Sport: Webber shoulders the burden
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PAGE 72 Ashes News: Beefy v Chappelli PAGE 70 Ashes Feature: What they said...
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PAGES 68 & 69 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables
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