CONTENTS The Cover
Review
Regulars
BEST OF 2010 - 20 We sat through countless films, witnessed too many celebrity scandals and attended some terrible gigs, so you didn’t have to. Here’s the result.
WORST FILMS OF 2010 - 22 “We have a tie! A gloriously awful tie... The cheesy music whenever the bad guy shows up is the icing on a terrible cake... An absolute mess of a film.”
Interview
Sport
SURVIVOR - 18 BBM has been the only place for Survivor interviews this season, now it’s time to chat to the final five castaways!
IT’S A KNOCKOUT - 64 It’s FA Cup third round time people. So we’ve brought you the top five cup upsets that rocked the nation.
UK News World News Irish News Soaps Survivor Interviews 2010 in Review Sydney Melbourne Perth Recruitment Classifieds Hostel Listings Crystal Balls Ask Crystal & Jokes Sport
JOBS & ACCOMODATION
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EDITOR Ben Harlum ben.harlum@what-media.com
SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby richard.gadsby@what-media.com
UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com
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CONTRIBUTORS David Mahoney Deborah Jackson Maddie Daniels Alex Berwick Hannah Beesley Vanessa Higgins Lorna Evio Fernando Xavier Bethan Hacking Alexandra McIntyre Jeremy Williams Hannah Allsopp Ashley Moore David Drummond INTERNS Marissa van Doorn, Jennifer Reilly, Zuleika Lopez Guilleux, Stefan Zimmermann HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard design@what-media.com
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UK NEWS BEST OF 2010
FROM RUSSIA WITH SPUNK the First World War by a senior member of the Secret Intelligence Service.
LICENCE to kill? Licence to jizz more like. We always knew British spies were randy buggers, as the hard-hitting James Bond documentaries have proven.
Alas, it didn’t quite work out as planned. For starters, the agent who made the discovery had to move departments after becoming the butt of jokes, and at least one spy had to be reminded to use fresh semen as correspondents began to notice a “dodgy” smell. Nice. Let’s hope they didn’t seal the letters with a kiss.
But according to a new book about MI6, Brit agents experimented with semen to write top secret letters during World War One. MI6 spooks found spunk could be used as invisible ink, as it glows brightly under UV light but does not react to detection chemicals.
moisturiser and can cure sore throats.
And just for the record ladies, it’s also a great facial
The tests are detailed in a diary entry written during
So the next time the missus catches you wanking over the internet, tell her you’re doing it for Queen and country.
WEDDING A-GENDER ISSUE ALL the ingredients for a memorable wedding. Something borrowed. Something blue. Something old. And a transvestite wedding photographer.
When bride Melanie Vaughan hired Big Dave Stonestreet to photograph her wedding, it’s fair to say she probably should have shopped around.
Mum of four Mel said: “It was like something out of Little Britain. You could hear a pin drop when he, or she, walked in. I’m open-minded but he looked ridiculous. The kids thought it
Pervy pensioner Joseph Squires has been caught and charged with “buggery of a donkey” after being surprised by the animal’s owner while getting deep down and dirty in a field in Leicester. Requesting that Squires be released on bail, the defence counsel said: “The defendant does not have a stable address although his daughter says she can provide an address.”
BEST OF BESTIALITY PART TWO was hilarious but the adults didn’t know where to look.” Adding to the hilarity is that Dave, who once worked as a Ricky Gervais lookalike, was a shit photographer.
ARE kids getting thicker, or are the questions in tests just getting harder? Well considering one in 10 children believe Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the moon, we’d guess it’s the former. In a new poll to celebrate national science and engineering week, a thousand children from primary and secondary schools were asked a variety of science-based questions. Most of which they got wrong. Almost one third believe Sir Isaac Newton discovered fire, while one in 10 space cadets think the Queen invented the telephone. Hilariously, other answers to that last question included Ringo Starr and Noel Edmonds. Ridiculous, since everyone knows Ringo invented the talking steam engine.
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BEING caught balls-deep in someone’s ass is embarrassing enough at the best of times. It’s even worse when the ass in question lives in a field and eats hay.
We should hope he doesn’t have a ‘stable’ address – imagine that dirty bugger living with a load of horses. Disgusting.
Actually, we’ve added that last one but, after reading this story, we think you’ll agree it’s a winner.
Six-foot Dave turned up to the gig wearing a long skirt, nail polish and make-up and insisted everyone call him Kate.
BEST OF BESTIALITY PART ONE
WE’RE all familiar with the traditional Welsh pastime of bestiality. Well it seems the all-sheep sexual diet was a little too predictable for Welshman Andrew Dymond, who was arrested for the possession of grossly offensive porn on his home computer, including a man fucking a squid. Yes, a squid. Dirty Dymond also had photos of a person performing sex acts with horses and dogs, child pornography and images showing acts likely to cause serious injury to a woman’s breasts. The mind boggles.
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UK NEWS BEST OF 2010
DI IN ANOTHER STICKY SITUATION Q: WHAT kind of jam can’t you eat? A: A traffic jam!
hair with gin, which is then combined with milk and sugar to create a product with a taste resembling condensed milk.
Ahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Ahhhh dear. It’s that kind of cerebral, off-the-wall humour that’s kept BBM at the top of the game for the last eight years. Classic. And yet, in a weird way, it turns out the old joke was wrong – you can eat a traffic jam – thanks to arty farty bloke Sam Bombas. For his latest exhibition, the pointless rich kid has displayed jam (pictured) made with hair from the late Princess Diana – who also ended up as a kind of mushy red spreading on a wall in Paris following a car crash (hence our traffic jam reference – keep up). Bompas said that the preserve is made by infusing a tiny speck of the late princess’s
The hair was bought on eBay for $10 from a U.S. dealer who collects what he claims is celebrity hair and then sells it in tiny quantities. Apparently it’s suppsed to provoke people into thinking about food marketing and how language enhances the everyday eating experience. More likely, it will just make people go ‘Urgh! This jam’s got a hair in it.’ So well done Bombas. Your life’s work is absolutely pointless. You truly are a modern artist.
get your TAX BACK
WILLY BE CHARGED? AN ENTREPRENEUR from North Yorkshire is in trouble with the police for flashing his giant cock out of a store window. But if that all sounds a little too Amsterdam red light district, just hold on to your tulips for a second. Store owner Jason Hadlow’s willy is 4ft and made of stone. His store, Simply Dutch, bills itself as the most interesting store in the north, specialising in an array of weird ornaments. But when a member of the public complained about Hadlow’s cock, police confiscated the offending phallus and fined him $80. If he doesn’t pay the fine to free his willy, he could end up in court. “In the past we have had naked stone strippers, Roman and Greek style statues and all other sorts of weird and wonderful pieces of furniture in the window which haven’t caused a stir.”
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WORLD NEWS BEST OF 2010
SHOCKING THIEVERY BBM always thought stealing electricity from high-voltage power lines was traditionally the sort of criminal activity reserved for Megatron and the Decepticons. So we certainly didn’t expect it from a thirty six-year-old German nutjob who clearly never saw those 80’s adverts of a kid flying his kite near a pylon which usually ended with an older sister screaming. Instead of naively flying a kite, this mentalist decided to attach a meat hook
to a cable and throw it directly onto the pylons. Amazingly his deathdefying attempt to reduce his energy bills worked as he was able to use the cable to power his home 150 metres away. The chief executive of the energy company said “I’ve never seen anything like this in my thirty four-year career,” as he slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.
DOUBLE TEAMED BRITS and Aussies may pride themselves on their dedicated support for sports teams, but can you ever truly claim to be a diehard fan if you’ve never offered anal sex and a threesome in exchange for tickets to see your team? This year’s superfan of the year award must go to baseball nut Susan Finkelstein, who went on trial in America after unwittingly telling an undercover cop that she would happily take it, and let him and his brother shag her at the same time, in exchange for World Series tickets.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
TAKING IT TOO FARM IT’S a well-known mathematical fact that the more Facebook friends you have, the less you have in real life. It doesn’t matter how many apple trees you’ve planted or how many neighbours you’ve helped, people who play Farmville are the biggest losers of the whole bunch. So stop requesting help from BBM when we’re in the middle of online Boggle, losers!
For geekness gone too far, look no further than the twelve-year-old boy who spent over $600 trying to improve his farm, before his mother started to notice her credit card bills. “He said they had brought out good stuff that he wanted,” said the anonymous mother, probably so she can’t be judged for producing such a fucking loser of a son.
A ROYALLY TOUGH DRESS CODE
TRY to imagine yourself in American teenager Carly Houston’s shoes. After a distressing altercation with an angry cab driver, you’re restrained and thrown into the back of a van. You’re then bungled into a cage, awaiting god knows what fate. If you had the chance, who would you phone? Well Carly did get the chance, and dialed the police. Alas, this may not have been the most sensible thing to do, as you will soon see when we provide the full details. See, the reason she was in a cage was because she had been arrested for screaming and swearing at a taxi driver, and refusing to pay her fare. So when the police told her to make her one phone call, she decided to call 911 - who added ‘making a false police report’ to her lengthy list of misdemeanours.
TRAINERS? Tights? Crotchless leather trousers? BBM has fallen foul of many a dress code in 2010. But how snooty must security be when they won’t let a woman in who is dressed as a princess? Excited mother Natasha Narula thought it would be fun to dress like a princess and visit Disneyland Paris with her eight-year-old daughter for her thirty-fifth birthday. The burley blokes at the gate thought otherwise. “Being pulled aside by the security team was so humiliating,” she said. “They said to me ‘You can’t get in here looking like that.’ I was wearing a silly, puffy-sleeved wedding dress with a birthday badge and Mickey Mouse ears. I hardly looked like Princess Belle from Beauty and the Beast.” It could’ve been worse though, remember what happened to the last princess who decided to visit Paris for a holiday...
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WORLD NEWS BEST OF 2010
CRIME-STOPPING NUN USES FORCE POSSIBLY the wimpiest thief of 2010 was stopped and subdued mid-theft by an elderly nun over in Pittsburgh. Sister Lynn Rettinger, who has been teaching in Catholic schools for nearly fifty years, spotted the man reaching into an opened car window and stealing a wallet.
what you have,” possibly while using Jedi mind tricks at the same time. BBM has tried the same line with women countless times this year, and have only gotten a slap in the face. But whatever Sister Rettinger did, it worked. The thief apologised, handed back the wallet and walked away.
The outraged nun (pictured) responded by putting on her most authoritative voice and saying “You need to give me
Talk about crime becoming a ‘habit’ - eh readers?
JIHAD ENOUGH OF THE HAIRCUTS! THEY can crash as many planes, repress as many women and behead as many infidels as they want - but 2010 will be known as the year those pesky muslim extremists went too far in their war on the est. They’ve issued a ban on mullets. Oh, the humanity!
approved haircuts aimed at tackling the ‘Western cultural invasion’ earlier in the year. Ponytails, floppy fringes (sorry Bieber) and elaborate spikes join the poor mullet on the banned list.
WEB CLOSES ON CRIMINAL POLICE in Finland spent most of 2010 hunting a gang who managed to steal ‘significant amounts’ of furniture from a hotel. Usually, it would be pretty easy to spot somebody walking around town with a loungechair under their coat, but what makes this case different (not to mention utterly stupid) is that we’re talking about online furniture that doesn’t physically exist. ‘Significant amounts of virtual property’ were stolen from around four-hundred users of the Habbo virtual hotel, where visitors can create a character for themselves to hang out with friends, take care of virtual pets and chat up boys posing as girls. The thieves used hoax webpages to steal passwords, which they used to sign into Habbo and shift property away from their rightful owners. Police searched homes in five Finnish cities, confiscated computers and interrogated several suspects. We’d like to once again stress that this stuff doesn’t actually exist.
On a lighter note, sideparts and Elvis quiffs got the thumbs up.
Iran launched a range of government-
A THIEF’S CLEAN GETAWAY WHATEVER happened to the gentlemen thief?
the washing up before he left the house he raided.
Back in Sherlock Holmes’ day, all the best criminals had brilliant minds, wore waistcoats when they committed their nefarious deeds, and more often than not had a title to their name. Even Moriarity was a professor.
Police arrested Dixon after he was caught using stolen Marks and Spencer vouchers and discovered that his fingerprints linked him to over 100 breakins.
Alas, in 2010 all you needed was a hoody and a pair of gloves to outsmart the authorities. So we tip our hat to the recently convicted felon Lee Dixon, who stole $120,000 worth of items from 105 country homes during his ten-month crime spree - and like a true gentleman, often did
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Like the true gent he is, he’s been very helpful to those nice chaps in the police service. “We drove him to areas where we thought he may have comitted a burglary, and he took us to where they happened. He’s a normal guy, he doesn’t stand out at all,” said a spokeswomen who sounds quite taken with the lovable rogue, don’t you think?
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IRISH NEWS
BEST OF 2010
STICK IT TO THE FRENCH IT seems the repurcussions of Thierry Henry’s handball are still being felt. Often with hilarious conequences.
you cheating French bastards!”
A drunken unemployed plasterer, who carried out his own special brand of vigilante justice by pissing on loaves of brioches in the French bread section at Maher’s ValueStore supermarket, has been given a suspended sentence and fined. One week after the infamous match, Frances “Smokie” Larkin of Killareagh was caught stamping and urinating on a loaf shouting: “this will teach you,
When officer Anthony Flanagan tried to arrest him, Larkin said: “That’s for Thierry Henry, guard. If you have any pride in your country, you’ll let me go.” Asked in court why he had taken his vengeance out on the bread, Larkin gave the all too obvious answer. “The French loaf is the symbol of France and so by doing what I did I was standing up for Irish pride.” It’s OK France, it’s safe to come out now.
CAN YOU DIG IT? MOST thieves would choose a flashy BMW or Mercedes for their first joyride. But car thieves out in the sticks presumably make do with whatever’s at hand, which might explain why one mystery joyrider in Clara, County Offaly, stole a digger to race around in. Sadly, as so often happens, the joyrider had no idea how to drive it and ended up plowing into an ESB pylon. Amazingly, though the tower began to keel over, the driver escaped without electrocuting his thieving arse.
PASSING TOURISM BREAK out the Blarney Stone, release the leprechauns and bring back casual Tam O’Shanter Fridays.
JACK IT UP EVER heard the phrase ‘you don’t know Jack’? Well it blatantly doesn’t apply to Irish people as the name is once again the most popular name for newborn boys for a third year running. A total of 1,061 boys were named after Hollywood stars like Nicholson, Black and Chan, well ahead of the second most common name Sean (927), followed by Daniel (832), Conor (775) and James (705). We don’t have the official records
to hand, but we think it’s a safe bet that no boys were named Thierry. Or Henry. Meanwhile, Sophies are on the rise in the women’s league, rising from sixth to go top of the girly tree. Three entries made it in the Irish boys top 100 for the first time: Bobby, Shay and the Polish name Szymon. It might not sound Irish, but it’s a bloody good name for Hangman.
A FINGLAS grandmother was in the dock after she checked onto a flight in Birmingham with two handguns in her handbag. One was a loaded Walther pistol – the preferred weapon of 007 – the other was an unloaded modern pistol. The wrinkly assassin, who says she didn’t realise the guns were in her bag, was detained overnight at Ballymun garda station and quizzed by detectives.
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With the Irish economy last seen floating down the Liffey next to a condom and several lumps of excretia, the last thing it needs is another kicking. But apparently it’s not just the locals desperate to get away from the Emerald Isle (and if you’re reading this page, there’s a good chance we’re referring to you) but no one wants to go there from other countries either. New statistics show that the number of holidaymakers visiting Ireland has plummeted with official figures showing 354,400 fewer visitors arrived between January and March compared to last year. Ouch!
ZOO-PER VILLAINS A GANG of chocolate-loving thieves were led astray by advertising after they took McVitie’s advice to p-p-p-pick up a Penguin. Literally. The mob stole a penguin from Dublin Zoo before dumping it, unharmed, in the city’s north. The zoo described the theft as “not amusing” - a phrase BBM hears often.
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SOAPS
EastEnders
CORONATION ST. AMY’S unsettled by her uprooting but Tracy acts oblivious, pleased to have got her own way.
However it’s clear that Tracy has no shame, when she tells her daughter Amy that this will be her last Christmas with Mr and Mrs MacDonald as she is hell bent on splitting them up.
Tracy claims she’ll come round, but when Becky finds Amy in However it’s clear that Tracy the backyard of Number 1, has gone too far when she is Amy tells Becky she wants to pushed down the stairs on New come home. Years Eve, but who would do such a thing? Becky’s jealousy is Meanwhile more further piqued tragedy hits the when she sees street in the Steve and aftermath of Tracy working the tram crash, together as when one mother parents with returns from the Amy, and the air hospital without thaws between her child, but these sworn who will it be? enemies.
THE drama continues to spiral in Albert Square when a pregnant Kat collapses in pain on Boxing Day after her contractions begin, however it soon transpires it’s a false alarm and Kat heads back to The Vic.
Meanwhile both Kat and Ronnie go into labour and give birth to boys, Kat calling hers Tommy, and Ronnie calling hers James. Kat, however, is rushed back to hospital a couple of days later with heavy bleeding as
not all the placenta had come out and baby Tommy is left in the care of the Slaters.
On New Years Eve, Charlie decides he wants to have a bit of fun and goes to the party in the pub. On the other side of the square Ronnie checks on James and is horrified to find that he has died of cot death. When she heads through the back entrance of the pub she hears baby Tommy crying and goes to him. In a trance she stares at him and says “that’s my boy”.
Christy and Carol’s marriage registration form arrives, but Carol isn’t in the mood for celebrating. McAleer and Carol almost come to blows in the street. Louie decides it’s time to fight back, and take back his pub.
TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
Meanwhile, Sarah and Una fight, and then unite.
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HOLLYOAKS + JACK and Duncan get a shock when they’re out walking the dog and stumble upon India’s body in the woods.
to be attacked by the same man, who we learn is Silas, Darren shows up – but will anyone clock that grandfather Costelloe is the killer?
Meanwhile Jasmine’s grandfather Silas shows up and when she tells him about her desire to be a boy, she is hurt by his reaction.
Elsewhere a scheming Kathleen locks Myra and Carmel upstairs whilst her priest friend comes to baptise baby Angel as Kathleen, which will surely leave Carmel distraught.
With everyone in shock over India’s death, Tex visits the crime scene, but its clear that someone is watching her. Later Nancy too visits the scene and just as she is about 16
And sparks continue to fly between Bart and Jasmine as they embrace in a passionate kiss again, but Seth is horrified when he walks in and finds the pair at it.
Emmerdale
AS HAZEL and Jackson struggle to adjust to their new living situation tempers fray and Hazel admits to Paddy that she is terrified of hurting him unintentionally.
All is not well for Katie when she keeps receiving anonymous phone calls in the middle of the night. Things look even more sinister when she and Gennie arrive home to find that their place has been trashed. After Chas has
warned Andy to back off from Katie, Gennie also becomes suspicious that Andy is to blame.
Meanwhile Ella and Declan argue over their arrangement s for New Years Eve. And Pollard is reunited with his ex-wife Elizabeth’s son, Michael, however he then goes to drastic attempts to get rid of him. Scarlett is furious when she witnesses Mia passionately kissing Adam. BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
INTERVIEW Finale Time! Jud, aka Fabio, has become the twentieth person to win Survivor after a surprisingly close vote against Chase and Sash. We know you’re itching to get the important questions answered, so we gathered Holly, Dan, Sash, Chase and
Fabio on the phone and had our own mini-reunion, with BEN HARLUM acting as a much better looking Jeff Probst. Between now and Survivor: Redemption Island, we’ll be posting retro interviews with previous castaways at our Survivor Hub: bbmlive.com/survivor.html. See you in February for Redemption Island!
First of all, congratulations Fabio! Fabio: Thanks man, it’s been a wild twenty-four hours.
needed somebody to go crazy on. After she came up to me after the volcano reward to pitch an alliance, it was very easy for us to get along.
I have to ask, where did Jud end and Fabio start - did that act come naturally for you or was it always the gameplan? Fabio: Fabio’s very carefree, youthful, not innocent but having fun. Going into the game they warn you that ‘this will bring out the best and worst in you’ and I realised, when we had the young tribe, that this was an atmosphere I could have fun so it was really easy to let it fly. I also knew how people were perceiving me right away, some were taken aback and some wanted me out. I was having fun there, so it was not all an act.
The knee was obviously an issue for you, Dan, did you ever think of quitting? Dan: No, I never thought of quitting. I said something in the beginning to see what everybody’s reactions would be but I was there to make it to the end. My knees are gone, my doctor told me to never come back because he can’t do anything for them - he’s amazed I can even walk.
Sash, you seemed to be playing the game the most obvious out there, what was your strategy going into Nicaragua? Sash: Going in I knew that I had to make as many alliances as possible. I was surprised how few people actually tried to plan out an endgame, I was promising everyone a final three. Survivor has all types of twists and turns so if you don’t have a Plan A, B, C and D you’ll be left out to dry. And where did Dan’s hate come from, did you steal his shoes as well? Sash: [laughs] The only reason why Dan didn’t make it to the final three was because I stopped it. I knew that if somebody else won the final immunity, at the final four, that there was a better chance of Dan being taken to the final than me. To try and secure a spot in the final I made a huge speech, that was edited out, where I said that we had to get him out. Dan: I was tired of his voice, the wink of his eye, his lying. I think it was pretty clear when I told him to go get the eye fixed by a doctor. He just rubbed me the wrong way, and Chase was just as dumb as they come. It was a weird relationship, she ended up aligning with you and voting for you to win the million dollars... Fabio: [laughs] It was funny, even during all the craziness I need to recognise that she just
Holly, what was going through your mind when you stole Dan’s shoes? Holly: The first three nights were horrible, we were hardly eating and we didn’t sleep for three days. My mind was playing tricks on me, I started getting angry and Dan kept getting under my skin. I don’t know why, he just bragged about his money and he always would hide his shoes so I took my anger out on him. One of the main criticisms directed at you, Chase, was that you were too wishy-washy. Was that a strategy of yours going into the game? Chase: That was just me playing a game that I wasn’t used to playing. I initially wanted to lay low and be friends with everybody, but being wishy-washy was just me being not very comfortable at the lying game.
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2010 IN REVIEW OH, 2010. When you started Miley Cyrus wasn’t smoking bongs (well we presume), Justin Timberlake was a singer, England and Australia were actually good chances to host a World Cup and Charlie Sheen... well he’s pretty much the same. Now you’ve left us and we’ll be billing you as a result of therapy sessions caused by Bieber Fever. Before we do, let’s have a look at the year that was and hand out the prestigious BBM Golden Balls Award to our favourites over the past fifty-two weeks (and by prestigious award, we mean that they’re being awarded for the first time). We’ll also be helped along by some famous friends, so lets get started shall we?
GOLDEN BALLS: BEST FILM
LET ME IN THIS isn’t your little sister’s pissy vampire film. Let Me In tells the tale of Owen, a bullied twelve-year-old student who meets Abby when she moves in next door. Spoiler! She’s a vampire, but not the sparkling, brooding type - she rips people’s heads off, and she bullies her ‘guardian’ into attacking and draining the blood of unsuspecting townsfolk, which leads to an asbolutely kick-ass car crash scene that’s shot entirely from the back of the car. A lot of critics prefer the original Swedish film but that one features really poorly CGI cats and an awkward flash of child nudity. Let Me In cuts out the junk (pun intended) and focuses on the creepy yet sweet relationship between Owen and Abby, aided by some really fun action scenes - such as Abby’s attack, Owen’s bullying and the car crash. And the two lead actors aren’t seasoned film veterens we’re talking about, these are thirteen-year-old kids here! To celebrate the Golden Balls award, BBM caught up with Chloë Moretz (Abby) to discuss the film. How did you prepare for the role of Abby – I read you kept a diary about her backstory? I came up with the idea that she was very close to her mother, but over all the years she’s kind of forgotten her and she wishes she hadn’t. Also, In the film, Owen gives Abby a Rubik’s Cube to solve. So Kodi and I looked up how to solve it on YouTube and I actually finished it. I’m like a complete nerd now, but it was really fun. Were you familiar with any of [director] Matt Reeve’s work? That [Cloverfield] is such a cool movie. Then when I met him, he was like the cutest little teddy bear. I love him. He’s become like a second dad. Matt is a very methodical director, he looks at movies from a different perspective than I do. He notices every single detail. If you move a millimeter, he can tell the difference. He sees things that anybody else would completely miss. Did you find it difficult to go to such a dark place for this character? It was fun for me to find this dark, deep, but really sweet character. Abby looks like a normal girl, but she has this person inside of her that she can’t control. She has the burden of being a vampire without ever having had the choice. Let Me In will be released on DVD and Blu-Ray on February 23rd.
CELEB FAVE: TERESA PALMER
BIGGEST FILMS OF 2010
BOX OFFICE $ MILLION
1
TOY STORY 3
$415
2
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
$334
3
IRON MAN 2
$312
4
TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE
$300
5
INCEPTION
$292
6
HARRY POTTER
$260
7
DESPICABLE ME
$250
8
SHREK 4
$238
9
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
$217
10
KARATE KID
$176
11
CLASH OF THE TITANS
$163
12
GROWN UPS
$162
13
MEGAMIND
$140
14
LAST AIRBENDER
$131
15
SHUTTER ISLAND
$128
16
THE OTHER GUYS
$119
17
TANGLED
$119
18
SALT
$118
19
JACKASS 3D
$116
20
VALENTINES DAY
$110
21
ROBIN HOOD
$105
22
EXPENDABLES
$103
23
DATE NIGHT
$98
24
DUE DATE
$96
25
SEX AND THE CITY 2
$95
26
BOOK OF ELI
$94
27
THE TOWN
$92
28
SOCIAL NETWORK
$91
29
PRINCE OF PERSIA
$90
30
PERCY JACKSON
$88
31
RED
$88
32
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2
$84
33
EAT PRAY LOVE
$80
34
DEAR JOHN
$80
35
A-TEAM
$77
36
KNIGHT & DAY
$76
37
UNSTOPPABLE
$75
38
DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS
$73
39
BOUNTY HUNTER
$67
40
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID
$64
(SORCERER’S APPRENTICE, BEDTIME STORIES)
“From 2010? I thought you were gonna say of all time, I was ready to say Pearl Jam, the Labyrinth... I thought The Town was amazing, Ben Affleck is such an amazing director. What was the Rihanna / Eminem song, Love the Way you Lie? I loved that too!” 20
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2010 IN REVIEW GOLDEN BALLS: BEST SONG BIGGEST SONGS OF 2010
CEE LO GREEN, FUCK YOU FIRSTLY, was BBM the last to realise that Cee Lo is the voice behind Gnarls Barkley? Anyway, Fuck You is somewhat of a sensation because it’s by far the best song of the year and has been heard everywhere from YouTube to Glee, yet it hasn’t been the expected hit on the charts (except for the UK, well done Blighty). Regardless, Fuck You is the ultimate break up song with the most creative lyrics matched by an infectious Motown beat. Thank god for Fuck You, because 2010 was looking like a shitty year for songs up until it was released. Cee Lo won’t be playing Good Vibrations in 2011.
GOLDEN BALLS: BEST ALBUM
1
TIK TOK
KE$HA
2
NEED YOU NOW
LADY ANTEBELLUM
3
HEY SOUL SISTER
TRAIN
4
CALIFORNIA GURLS
KATY PERRY
5
OMG
USHER
6
AIRPLANES
B.O.B
7
LOVE THE WAY
EMINEM
8
BAD ROMANCE
LADY GAGA
9
DYNAMITE
TAIO CRUZ
10 BREAK YOUR HEART NOTHIN’ ON YOU
B.O.B
12
I LIKE IT
ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
13
BEDROCK
YOUNG MONEY
14
IN MY HEAD
JASON DERULO
15
RUDE BOY
RIHANNA
16
TELEPHONE
LADY GAGA
17
TEENAGE DREAM
18 THE WAY YOU ARE
GIRL TALK, ALL DAY BREAKING more copyright laws than BBM’s cover department, Girl Talk wasn’t able to top the perfection that was 2008’s Feed the Animals, but he was able to produce an amazing followup - who else would have Miley Cyrus sampled over Dr. Dre and M.O.P? Best of all, it’s available for free so close your eyes and try to remember his epic Big Day Out set this year as you sing along.
GOLDEN BALLS: BEST GIG
MUSE, BDO & SOLO THERE aren’t many bands that can start the year headlining Big Day Out shows across the country, only to return in December with a fully fledged stadium experience that completely sells out. Muse can, and they did. The music was the showcase back in January, blitzing the main stage with a powerful live set at the Big Day Out. They promised to return with the full Muse set that earnt rave reviews overseas, which they did only a couple of weeks ago - with a little help from the amazing moving skyscrapers and integrated live graphics. U2 and Bon Jovi may get wraps for their stadium shows, but Muse are currently a step ahead. 22
TAIO CRUZ
11
KATY PERRY BRUNO MARS
19
COOLER THAN ME
MIKE POSNER
20
IMMA BE
BLACK EYED PEAS
21
EMPIRE STATE...
JAY Z, ALICIA KEYS
22
DJ GOT US
USHER
23
BILLIONAIRE
TRAVIE McCOY
24
NOT AFRAID
EMINEM
25
REPLAY
IYAZ
26
SEXY CHICK
DAVID GUETTA
27
BREAKEVEN
THE SCRIPT
28
LOVE IS MY DRUG
KE$HA
29
I GOTTA FEELING
BLACK EYED PEAS
30
FIREFLIES
OWL CITY
31
SAY AAH
TREY SONGZ
32
FIND YOUR LOVE
DRAKE
33
ALEJANDRO
LADY GAGA
34
RIDIN’ SOLO
JASON DERULO
35
JUST A DREAM
NELLY
36
HOW LOW
LUDACRIS
37
LIKE A G6
FAR*EAST
38
CARRY OUT
TIMBALAND
39
MET YOU YET
MICHAEL BUBLE
40 CAN’T HANDLE ME
FLO RIDA
CELEB FAVE: ELIZA DOOLITTLE “I loved Inception, that was amazing! I’d say it was one of the best films of the past ten years, actually, not just the best of 2010. I liked Avatar, was that this year or last? I can’t remember, I think it was released really late in 2009. Those two would be my top movies of the year.”
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AMAZING VALUE FOR
SYDNEY’S BEST ATTRACTIONS!
Ensure your time in Sydney is unforgettable with the great value Explore4 Pass which gives you entry to Sydney’s must-see attractions Sydney Aquarium, Sydney Wildlife World, Sydney Tower and Oceanworld Manly!! The Explore4 Pass, is the only ticket that lets you see koalas and kangaroos, plus one of the world’s largest crocodiles, walk underwater amongst sharks, visit a dugong, experience the best views of Sydney and if you’re lucky, meet a mermaid at Manly. Walk underwater and discover the world’s largest collection of all-Australian aquatic life. Come face to face with sharks in the Great Barrier Reef habitat; marvel at giant rays; find Nemo in his coral home; look out for secretive platypus and get to know two of only six dugongs on display anywhere in the world! Aquarium Pier Darling Harbour, Sydney. Open daily 9am - 8pm
Discover an all-Aussie animal experience set in the heart of Sydney’s Darling Harbour! Meet Rex, one of the world’s largest crocodiles; get up close to iconic kangaroos; have your photo with a koala; meet wombats, reptiles, butterflies, bilbies, quolls, even a cassowary - it’s one of the world’s largest animal encounters under one roof! Aquarium Pier Darling Harbour, Sydney. Open daily 9am - 5pm
Sydney’s iconic golden tower - standing 250 metres (820 feet) above the city streets, you can view breathtaking Sydney in all its glory, day or night! Experience OzTrek an amazing virtual reality ride across Australia; and step out onto Skywalk, Sydney’s highest adventure, for unique 360 degree views over glittering Sydney and beyond. Centrepoint Podium Level, 100 Market St, Sydney. Open daily 9am - 10:30pm
Dive into Oceanworld Manly with huge sharks, giant turtles, rays, tropical fish and more, with interactive shows every day including shark and fish feeds, and tunnel tours. First time divers can take the plunge with a Shark Dive Xtreme experience, and look out for kids holiday programs including Mermaid Camps and Kids Snorkel Adventures. West Esplanade, Manly, Sydney Open 10am to 5.30pm
2010 IN REVIEW GOLDEN BALLS: COUPLE OF THE YEAR BIGGER THAN JESUS KATY PERRY AND ELMO IT all started so innocently. The two sung a duet (a real contender for Song of the Year) for a 2011 episode of Sesame Street, which was released on YouTube. Apparently, because Katy has breasts and ignoring the fact that Elmo hasn’t worn clothes in years, the relationship was poo-poo’ed by those uptight children’s groups and the duet was pulled from the special. Russell Brand stopped seeing Big Bird in protest and thanks to a low-cut Elmo shirt on Saturday Night Live, Katy got it off her chest. We can’t wait for the custody battle between Elmo and Katy come 2011.
GOLDEN BALLS: SCANDAL OF THE YEAR
WHILE the bosses stopped us from using it as our new slogan, BBM has done some searching to see which celebrities were bigger than Jesus in 2010... on Google at least. MARK ZUCKERBERG: WHAT A JERK SNOOKI STEVE JOBS: ONLY AS POPULAR AS SNOOKI JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BEATLES: SORRY GUYS, NOT THIS YEAR JAY-Z KANYE WEST OPRAH: LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD USHER ELVIS
MEL AND THE GOLD DIGGER
TIGER WOODS: MISTRESS SOLD SEPERATELY MADONNA
BBM, with our millions of dollars, has been the target of many gold diggers over the years and it’s not pretty. Okay, so we’re actually using all our daddy’s money for the magazine and we haven’t had a girl’s attention since Kindergarten. Mel Gibson, on the other hand, may be batshit crazy but you have to feel sorry for the dude. His now ex-girlfriend, Oksana, makes out that he constantly harrassed her on the phone with the help of voicemails from one single day - that were ‘somehow’ being published online without her knowledge. Pair that with her ever-changing story and we have to award them with Scandal of the Year.
KATY PERRY TAYLOR SWIFT: WE’D TAP THAT BARACK OBAMA RIHANNA MILEY CYRUS: BONG SLAYER EMINEM: LOVE THAT CANDY
AMY WINEHOUSE MEMORIAL
MESS OF THE YEAR
JUST like one Ms. Winehouse, Heidi Montag was damaged goods going into the year but 2010 brought out the worst in the plastic reality star. To kick off the year, she had ten plastic surgeries which led her mother to call her a ‘monster’. Her self-produced album sells 1,000 copies and her golden goose, The Hills, is cancelled. She pretends to divorce Spencer Pratt for publicity, sues Hills creator Adam DiVello for sexual harassment and her plastic surgeon dies. While her Hills costars are making millions, Heidi has to settle for the Golden Balls award for Mess of the Year.
CELEB FAVE: JAKE GYLLENHAAL “I love Mumford and Sons and I really loved their album, Sigh No More. And Blue Valentine, it’s one of the best films of the year. I haven’t seen all the films so I can’t say for certain, but it definitely has the two best performances of the year [Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling].”
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MICHAEL JACKSON JESUS GOD AKA KEYBOARD CAT THE DEVIL AKA BIEBER LADY GAGA
EUROVISION!! BBM has an old schoolboy crush on Lena, the German winner of last year’s Eurovision. Much better than the Russian tripe that won in 2009. Bring on Eurovision 2011: The return of Lena! BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
2010 IN REVIEW GOLDEN BALLS: WORST FILM WE have a tie! A gloriously awful tie. Red Hill exposes everything that is wrong with Australian film, from the country setting to the ridiculous story - there’s a damn panther that just disappears after thirty seconds, and a husband / wife conversation just randomly takes place in between elaborate death scenes. The cheesy music whenever the bad guy shows up is just the icing on a terrible cake. When Anne Hathaway’s breasts can’t save Love and Other Drugs, you know something’s wrong. An absolute mess of a film, it’s almost like three different stories edited together by a three-year-old: They have sex, he sells drugs, she gets angry and throws stuff. Rinse and Repeat and you have a spectacularly bad film that’s only getting attention because of the nudity. And what’s with the dude jacking off to his brother’s sex tape?
GOLDEN BALLS: WORST SONG
HERE is the list of the DVD’s and Films we reviewed this year, in order of star rating. Such a hard life we lead. * means that we’ve revised our rating since the original review (in other words, we came to our senses).
Let Me In
Damages: Season Three
Inception Machete Red Social Network Buried* Iron Man II Wall Street II Easy A
Kick Ass Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Date Night Bored to Death: Season One Community: Season One
IMMA BE, THE TIME REMEMBER when the Black Eyed Peas were an influential, creative band? No, neither can we but according to some, they were just a couple of years ago. In 2010? Welcome to the bottom of the barrel, new home of the Peas. We can’t decide between the disaster that was Imma Be (which was repeated 103 times in the song... if you made it to the end) and the worst cover since Celine Dion tackled AC/DC, The Time. Both half-assed efforts at songwriting, the Peas replace creative choruses with this tripe - copying and pasting another song or just repeating the same line over and over. It’s poor form and, quite frankly, embarrassing to listen to.
MOST ANNOYING TELEVISION CHARACTER LOOK, we love Glee. But please, somebody shut up Mercedes (Amber Riley) or give her something interesting to do other than complain and be sassy. And somebody needs to be shot for allowing her to destroy Sweet Tranvestite on the Rocky Horror tribute show.
THE ‘APPLE PALTROW’ - WORST BABY NAME AFTER facing stiff competition Boris Becker’s Amadeus Benedict Edley Luis we have to award Jamie Oliver the award for his terrible choice - Buddy Bear Maurice. We would’ve given it to Celine Dion but we felt too sorry for her kids having her as a mother.
Devil Fair Game Jackass 3D Saw VII The Town Hot Tub Time Machine
Harry Potter Knucklehead The Loved Ones Made In Dagenham Prince of Persia Nightmare on Elm Street A Piece of Work
Sorcerer’s Apprentice She’s Out of My League Piranha 3D Tomorrow When the War Began From Paris with Love
The American Eat Pray Love Dinner for Schmucks*
IT’S ABOUT TIME! IT took long enough, but congratulations to Universal for their amazing Blu-Ray release of the Back to the Future trilogy. The films look superb and crisp while the behind-the-scenes documentaries are absolutely fantastic.
CELEB FAVE: PAT MAHONEY
Charlie St. Cloud*
Gossip Girl: Season Three
(LCD SOUNDSYSTEM)
“Oh my goodness! [laughs] Hot Chip are my favourite band in the world, I love them very much so they’d be on my list. There’s an edit of It Takes a Muscle, and I don’t know who it’s originally by, but M.I.A sampled it and I’m obsessed with the song because it’s so good.” 26
The Last Airbender
Red Hill BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
2010 IN REVIEW IN MEMORIAM: 24 GUESS THE LOVERAT! POOR Jack Bauer, he can’t even get a happy ending after eight seasons of the greatest television show of our time. After a slow start, season eight was a return to form with some great guest appearances - namely Gregory Itzin’s President Logan - and some classic badass scenes from good ol’ Jack. Now all eyes are on the 24 movie which has a script but hasn’t entered production. Until then, BBM bids a fond farewell to Jack Bauer and his crazy world but not before reminiscing alongside two of the stars of season eight - Chris Diamantopoulos (Rob Weiss) and John Boyd (Arlo Glass) Chris: It’s brilliant television. I missed season 7 and had to go back and watch it on DVD. My wife had never seen the show and I said, ‘Sit down.’ We put the first disc in, and I think it was in two days we watched everything. We didn’t sleep. It was like [in a zombie voice] ‘244444!’ John: I think my favourite moment is episode one of season eight, when it’s made apparent that Jack Bauer is not able to go ahead with plans and what he has to do. There’s a beautiful moment before he goes to do it, this moment of acknowledgement of what he is about to go do. I was like totally moved when they showed us that. I got goosebumps. That hadn’t happened to me before. Chris: In Season 7 —I think it’s episode 4 or 5 or 6, Kiefer is in a parking lot being shot at. He jumps into a car, face first into where the pedals are, in the driver’s seat, and he’s shooting out of the window. As they are coming after him—he uses the mirror to see them coming—he starts the car with his hands and using his hand, puts it in reverse, pushes the accelerator, goes out of the back of the parking lot, and through the parking structure, lands the car on its bumper, flips out, gets out of it... It’s one of the best escapes I have ever seen. So awesome. You know, I still think that Kiefer actually did that. Don’t tell me he didn’t. He definitely did that!
IN MEMORIAM: LINDSAY LOHAN’S CAREER
IT’S BBM’s favourite game, guessing which celebrity is allegedly responsible for the following text messages in the middle of their alleged affairs! See how you go... and one more time to avoid the lawsuits,
HEY THERE HOT STUFF! *WINK* YOU NEED IT? YUP ’SPEAKING OF LICKING’
I WANT YOU TO BEG FOR MY C---. KISS YOU ALL OVER TO CONVINCE ME TO LET YOU HAVE IT.
ALL I NEED IS AN ACCT NUMBER ETC AND I WILL WIRE U 20K IF U THINK THAT WILL COVER EVERYTHING... I REALLY FEEL BAD, U ARE AS COOL AND SEXY AND AS SWEET AND FUN AND FRIENDLY AS THEY GET!
WHAT ARE U WEARING NOW?
I WANT TO KICK YOUR PUPPY
THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME. WHY DO U ACT LIKE SUCH A --- CHILD? WE SPEND MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER. ANSWERS: JESSE JAMES, SANDRA BULLOCK’S EX TIGER WOODS CHARLIE SHEEN ASHTON KUTCHER SHANE WARNE BONES STAR DAVID BOREANAZ
OH Lindsay, where do we begin? Well first things first, she can’t have much of a career these days because any films she’s involved in are allegedly impossible to insure. Secondly, she’s gotten to the stage where her family are suing Glee for a passing comment regarding her jailtime. BBM are shaking in our boots, we’re probably next. After violating her probation, LiLo (as the kids call her) was sent to jail where she wasn’t the most popular inmate, with fellow criminals calling her names and keeping her up at night - and not in the way she would’ve liked.
CELEB FAVE: TOM HOOPER
After staying for a mere fourteen days, Lindsay failed a drug test and was almost back in the slammer before being sent to rehab. She’ll remain there until this month before attempting to fight her way back into film - why not give Robert Downey Jr. a call? 28
(DIRECTOR: KINGS SPEECH, DAMNED UNITED)
“From this year? God, that’s a good question. I must admit, It’s technically not this year even though the complete series came out on DVD in 2010, but I was watching The Wire over and over again this year, so that’d have to be my favourite TV Show and DVD.” BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
WHAT’S ON SYDNEY
N*E*R*D and Friends SUMMER 2011 is about to get even hotter for music loving Sydneysiders. Boasting a mouth-watering line-up of heavyweight international superstars - N*E*R*D, Chromeo, Boys Noize and Tinie Tempah - this sizzling all-star gig will no doubt prove a tough act to follow for the rest of year. Offering harbour city fans their one and only chance to catch N*E*R*D, Boys Noize and Tinie Tempah on their summer tours, and a second, more intimate opportunity to see Chromeo (who are on the Field Day bill) on stage, this exclusive show is shaping up to be huge for loads of different reasons. Featuring the unmistakable skills of Canadians P-Thugg and Dave 1, Chromeo are serious players and sought after remixers who have owned the planet’s dancefloors. For the party House heads, German Electro and Tech House kingpin, Boyz Noize are on the bill to cause some serious noise.
LONDON indie lads Mystery Jets have released their 3rd studio album Seratonin and announced details of East Coast side-shows around the summer Festivals. Where: Metro Theatre When: Monday January 3rd Cost: $47
HIP-HOP luminaries, Chuck D, Flavor Flav, DJ Lord and The S1W’s – Public Enemy – will be performing their ground-breaking album Fear of a Black Planet live. Where: Metro Theatre When: Tuesday January 4th Cost: $72
THE RAPTURE have created an indie-electro-rock juggernaut that blew the crowd away on the Parklife tour last year, living up to their reputation for being astronomically excellent live. Where: Metro Theatre When: Thursday January 6th Cost: $55
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And last, but certainly not least, one of the hottest acts in the UK right now, Tinie Tempah, is set to strut his stuff Sydney-side for the very first time. When: Friday, January 7th Where: Hordern Pavilion Moore Park Cost: $102
FRESH from its world premiere in Vienna, this staged concert of Giacomo Variations features the work of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and his librettist Lorenzo Da Ponte, and stars John Malkovich. Where: Sydney Opera House When: January 19 - 22 Cost: From $69
FREE Movies by the Boulevard will kick-off on Saturday 8th January at Sydney Olympic Park. 8th Jan: Princess and the Frog 9th Jan: Robin Hood 12th Jan: Boy 13th Jan: Knight and Day
PACK a picnic, grab your friends and spend a night of theatrical magic on Sydney’s harbour foreshore, alternating between A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Romeo and Juliet. Where: Bicentennial Park, Glebe When: January 6 - February 27
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MELBOURNE NEWS NO HITCH, JUST A COCK AHH the old ‘I’m related to someone famous’ method of conning your way into a woman’s knickers. From Robin Hood’s brother Steve, to Rick Shakespeare it’s a scam that’s been tricking women into the sack for centuries. And pushing back the boundaries of seduction in the modern age is notorious Victorian fraudster Brenton Jarrett. Currently claiming to be Joshua Hitchcock, director Alfred Hitchcock’s son, Brenton has launched a new website ‘Hitchcock Media International’ and is on the lookout for aspiring actresses hoping to land a part in a Melbourne-based remake of legendary sitcom Cheers.
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Naturally, it’s a load of old bollocks – but it was convincing enough to fool 60 women into auditions, at least two of whom slept with him. Police and reporters at The Age have now uncovered the scam, but we doubt that’s the last we’ll hear of him. In the past, he’s successfully passed himself off as ‘Daniel’ Depp, Jonny’s brother, and Scream star Skeet Ulrich. In fact, he looks so much like Skeet that Jarrett was interviewed by Foxtel entertainment reporter Peter Ford, who believed it was Skeet, until his accent began to fade after a few drinks. Hilarious.
LUNCH BUNCH BBM’S old man used to tell us there was no such thing as a free lunch. Mind you, he also used to say things like ‘that Nick Griffin has some good ideas’ and ‘stop crying or I’ll strangle the other one as well!’ And proof that his somewhat Victorian views are outdated has come from, well, Victoria with news that one in 10 thieving Melbourniaianianians have stolen a work mate’s lunch. In a survey of 5,000 people, Tasmanians were the most honest with not respondent admitting to lifting lunch. The obvious conclusion is that in Hobart they simply haven’t evolved enough to understand the concept of stealing.
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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE NEW YEAR
MELBOURNE is a city that buzzes at the weekend with thriving markets drawing people out of their beds early to bag a bargain. The Rose Street Art Market is found at the heart of Fitzroy and is the perfect place to bag a unique souvenir from your trip.
from designers, gardeners and photographers. Speaking of photographers – make sure you pop by this Saturday to say hello to BBM’s photographer Jeremy Williams who is making his market debut. When: Saturday and Sunday Where: Rose Street, Fitzroy Cost: Free
Rose Street is seen to be the emerging artists’ market and every week, it plays host to everyone HOW How many artists / producers can count Jay Z, Snoop Dogg and Pharrell as fans, as well as drum and bass’ finest Andy C, Hype and Pendulum and enjoy heavy rotation in the hands of dubstep royalty? This is what Chase & Status have achieved in 5 years, and the highlight of their young career so far has been their debut LP More Than Alot,
which has helped turn them into a unique urban phenomenon and become the biggest crossover act to come out of the underground since Pendulum. When: Friday January 7th Where: Roxanne Parlour Cost: From $60
WHILST the UK may currently be experiencing a surge of strong female soloists, Rock Chicks is proof that the girls have always kicked arse! Whilst some of those celebrated may be names unfamiliar to the non-Australian music fan, Rock Chicks is a thoroughly entertaining insight into the Aussie music scene.
THE Durham family siblings Kitty (17), Daisy (22) and Lewis (20) may seem to be jumping on the bandwagon with the upswing in fifties influenced music, but despite their young age, the trio are from newcomers to the scene. Having released their debut single Honolulu Rock And Roll back in 2005, the trio have graced Glastonbury twice and appeared on Blue Peter.
When: Until February 2nd Where: The Arts Centre, St Kilda Road, Melbourne Cost: Free
The evening promises to be a bit of a family affair as the trio are joined by their multiinstrumentally talented parents Ingrid and Graeme to complete the live line-up. When: Thursday 6th January Where: Billboard the Venue Cost: $49.40
MELBOURNE singer/songwriter Sally Seltmann has spent the past year coming out of the shadows. Having always performed under the alter-ego of New Buffalo, Seltmann felt ready to unleash her true self on the world with the spell-binding Heart That’s Pounding.
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Everyone from Divinyls’ Chrissy Amphlett to the mournful (read: boring) Missy Higgins get a mention, though modern day contenders of the Sarah Blasko ilk are forgotten.
Having received critical acclaim across the board for the recording, Seltmann wasted no time in joining allegiances with fellow Australian superstars Sarah Blasko and Holly Throsby to form a new supergroup. When: 10th January 2011 Where: Curtin House 252 Swanston Street, Melbourne
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MELBOURNE FEATURE WHEN you hear that Melbourne ranked near the top of the world’s most livable cities, a cold chill runs down your spine. Whilst the judges were no doubt accurate in their assessment, with Melbourne boasting a temperate climate and small town city feel, it would not have ranked so high if it did not have the amenities that set the best cities out from the rest. So, over the next few weeks here at BBM, we decided to take a moment to have a look at some of Melbourne’s biggest pulling points...
FOOD It is well known that unless you venture into a giant chain coffee shop (we all know which Bucks I’m talking about) it is very hard to get a bad coffee in Melbourne. Fitting in, however, takes a strong stomach beacuse unless you order an espresso or five when you are sitting down in a homemade cake shop like the world famous ones in Acland Street (or the mouth watering, artery clogging Le Gournmet cakes in Brunswick street), people will know you are not a local, or a proper coffee drinker. There is also a lot of amazing Asian food popping up around the area whether it be the cheap full blown Vietnamese quarter out near in Dandenong, the degustation banquet at Gilbert Lau’s famous Flower Drum on Market Lane (also check out its original location on Little Bourke Street in Chinatown for some cheap eats), or a cute tucked away red door serving traditional yum cha dumplings in an antique chinese tea house setting in Windsor (Red Door Antiques and Yum Cha Café).
The best way to find food in Melbourne though, is to explore. You can find gems like the $1.50 pizza place near Flinders Station which serve up massive pieces of greasy goodness to a million 15 year olds, fish, chips and margarita jugs in St Kilda and organic cafes aplenty. Most importantly, though, if you want to experience being a true local you cant go past a Chicken Parmigana and a pot (Translation: small beer) from any local pub.
The tapas trend hit hard as well with the famous Flinders Lane housing Movida, an impressive place for a date but unless you have an amazingly important job or reputation you won’t get a booking within the month, so I recommend sitting at the bar and nibbling on the inventive bar menu. There is quite often a chef having a beer there too, so you can grab a good chat and some foodie knowledge to drop casually into conversations later so you sound like a conniseur without putting any effort in; “well when I was talking to Mike from Movida he said...”
And here are two of BBM’s recommendations for an ace Melbourne getaway. SurfShack is an accredited surf school which also hires boards and wetsuits. Lessons from $50 for 2 hours SurfShack Surf School Lake Entrance 507 Esplanade 03 5155 4933 SurfShack Surf School Mallacoota 41 Maurice Avenue Phone: 03 5158 0909
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Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge brings Luxury accommodation at backpacker rates to the Great Ocean Road. 23 Pascoe Street Apollo Bay Phone: 1800 157 280 0413 504 402 (03) 5237 7850 Fax: 03 523 77385 apollobaybackpackerslodge .com.au
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WHAT’S ON
PERTH
INDIE rock superstars Built To Spill return to Australian shores, preparing to wow Perth audiences with their epic, shoegazetinged tunes. Built To Spill’s songs often feature spiraling, intertwined lead guitars along with a driving, rock-solid rhythm section. The Idaho natives have developed an especially dedicated following, including Matt Groening, who curated the All Tomorrow’s Parties festival.
HAILING from San Francisco, Thee Oh Sees make straightforward good-time rock that’s heavy like hot asphalt and hard drinking. It’s music for the transformative heartbreaking virginity-losing summer you never had. It’s surf music for the hopelessly land-locked dancing waist-deep in festival dust.
FOR the first time since 2006, Darkest Hour are returning to our shores to blow audiences away with music that still pushes the melodic death metal genre to the extreme. When: Sunday January 9th Where: Amplifier Cost: $45
When: Saturday January 8th Where: Amplifier Cost: $35
When: Tuesday January 4th Where: Rosemount Hotel Cost: $53
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW
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55 Lake Street, Northbridge ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth MURPHY’S 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
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RECRUITMENT
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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other beneďŹ ts are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com
SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE. Immediate start. Full sales training. Fun working environment. Extensive travel opportunities. Call now - Sydney: (02) 9212 2668. Melbourne: (03) 9425 9444. Brisbane: (07) 3217 3307 TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
MELBOURNE
PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call jerry on 03 9867 6322 ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS We’re looking for fun, loud & vibrant people to come join us in our young, dynamic sales & marketing company. Have fun at work with colleagues from all over the world as well as having the opportunity to progress and earn GREAT money at the same time. • Get paid a competitive hourly rate! • Career progression opportunities! • Complete development & product training! • No experience needed! • Available shifts between 10am – 8pm Monday to Friday! • Sponsorship opportunities available! Call NOW! 03 9011 8447 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555
SYDNEY HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY: Bar Staff, Promo staff, admin staff etc. Do you have an outgoing personality & great presentation? Excellent pay rates with exible hours of weekdays, weekends or nights. Call or 02 8399 1768
World Bar is urgently seeking an enthusiastic party person to join the hostel promotions team. Must be outgoing, friendly, approachable and not allergic to Jager! 12 to 16 hours per week, $17.80 per hour. Please send resumes to urby@theworldbar.com.
CALLING ALL WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS! -Earn great money while you’re here -Be part of an international network of companies -Fun and energetic environment Jobs available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and regional areas! 02 92111022 or email jpappalardo@appcogroup.com.au www.appcogroup.com
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PROMOTION MANAGERS WANTED. Sydney’s leading event & promotion company is looking to build a team of fun, energetic and outgoing travellers to work in Sydney’s best locations. Earn in excess of $1000 per week. You will need to be a highly energetic self-motivate individual with a passion for sales. Only 10 applicants will be successful. Contact: Nathan 0405 766 353
,ABOURERS WITH CARPENTRY JOINERY EXPERIENCE AN ADVANTAGE 7ORKING AS GENERAL LABOUR OR )NSTALLATION 'REEN CARD STEEL CAPS VISIBLE VEST HARD HAT 3END #6 TO RESUME TEMPYOURSNSW COM AU OR CALL
SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney ofďŹ ces. As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to
resumes@internode.on.net
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BBM-589 // JOB LISTINGS
ADULT EMPLOYMENT -BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV
TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS
Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies. Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat.
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!!
Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Short/long term positions avail. Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $100+ per hour
www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
92997771
Female Masseurs Required $110 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
(02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $110 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES 135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
BBM-589 // JOB LISTINGS
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JOB LISTINGS
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BBM-589 // JOB LISTINGS
ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840. Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms for $160 a week max 4 bed dorms, doubles and singles rooms also available $300 a week - in the heart of the city. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION - Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
BBM-589 // ACCOMMODATION
WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au
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PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865
HUNTER VALLEY
GOLDCOAST
HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800
KATOOMBA KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
JINDABYNE SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au
BYRON BAY AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
QUEENSLAND BRISBANE TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au
GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
NOOSA
MISSION BEACH
www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
spbr@bigpond.net.au
CALOUNDRA CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au
MOOLOOLABA MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com
MACKAY
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
BBM-589 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1105 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au
ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
MONKEY MIA TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060
MONKEY MIA MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
BBM-589 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
KUNUNURRA KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
VICTORIA MILDURA RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051 (opposite Queen Vic Market)
Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!
EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA
78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au
Australia THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.
HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au
ST. KILDA OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
APOLLO BAY APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au
HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
49
ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”
CHRISTCHURCH CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad
GREYMOUTH
KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz
KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND
DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz
THE RUSTY ANCHOR
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach
NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz
BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww. beachcomberfiji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfiji.com www.aquariusfiji.com
50
THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji. com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
BBM-589 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre
Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com
NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au dive@fishrock.com.au World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!
NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au
JET BOATING
NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA
The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022
RAFTING
GLACIER GUIDING
AUSTRALIA
NEW ZEALAND
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au
JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au
RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz
SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA
SURFING
MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au
AUSTRALIA
BUNGY JUMPING
SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com
AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com
Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.
Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience
MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au
AUSTRALIA
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au
KITESURF 1770 / IKO CERTIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au
Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.
BBM-589 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
51
CRYSTAL BALLS Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week Watch your emotions when it
were asleep.
comes to sexual relationships -
Virgo
with the Moon in Uranus (ouch!)
THIS is a good week to wear a
Only now do you fully
you’re practically a whore.
disguise. That special item you
understand the true meaning of
bought in the sex shop makes
the phrase ‘browned off’.
Gemini
a big change in your life when you’re charged with having
YOU are sympathetic and
passed a counterfeit twenty
Sagittarius
understanding of other people’s
dollar bill in order to buy it.
YOUR friends are a great laugh
problems, which makes you a total sucker.
but don’t you think it strange
Libra
that you always seem to cop the blame for their ‘wacky’ and ‘hilarious’ pranks?
You’re always putting things
THE COLOURS you see
off - if you continue to behave
around you are intended to
YOU are optimistic and
like this you will always be on
give you an idea of three
The only reason they let you
enthusiastic – obnoxiously so.
welfare and won’t be worth shit.
dimensional space.
tag along is because you’re a
You’re often reckless, which
If you need help, seek advice
Close your eyes and you
may account for your so-called
from the wise man in black with
become a dangerous walking
sex life being experimental,
the tattoo that says, “Death
buffoon. Desist.
diverse and, frankly, perverse.
Rocks”.
Aries
complete pushover.
Be careful. Sometimes your lecherous lunacy can end up
Cancer
with disastrous results.
BE CONFIDENT this week in
IMAGINE if you were never Take care when opening an
born? Who would have saved
email from a friend today
your little brother from certain
as you may not enjoy the
death in the icy pond?
electronic content inside. Actually that wasn’t you was it?
terms of your decision making. Most Aries males in Europe
For some reason, dogs will
You’re right, you’re a complete and utter waste of space.
during World War II contracted
There will be wrong ones, of
find themselves inexplicably
venereal disease and/or frost
course, but make them with
attracted to your shins this
bitten toes.
gusto because at least a
week.
spectacular balls up provides The fact people laugh in your
mirth for those around you.
Aquarius YOU have every right to look
company is not a negative
Scorpio
factor in itself. The fact you’re
AAAAGGGGGGGHHH. Just
friends. You’re faithful and
end it all now. Trust me, I have
everyone appreciates that
YOU are the logical type and
read the stars. The alternative
– your girlfriend certainly does.
hate disorder. Your shit-picking
is far, far worse.
Wanking yourself off while
not trying to be funny is though.
Taurus THERE is no doubt you’re a
Leo
friends and co-workers.
down on your promiscuous
speaking to people on internet
attitude is sickening to your
quick and intelligent thinker and
Actually here is the alternative.
chatrooms is not cheating - it’s
Your roommate doesn’t mean
just a harmless hobby.
people like you more because
You are cold and unemotional
to have a go at you about your
you’re bisexual.
and often fall asleep while
snoring and the mess you insist
shagging. Love is adventurous,
on making. What she really
Pisces
But you’re inclined to expect
so try something you’ve never
means is she hates every little
I KNOW you think it makes you
too much for too little. This
tried before and give another
thing about you as does every
seem ‘zany’ and the life and
means you are a cheap bastard
your undivided attention.
other one of your “friends”.
soul of the party - but dressing
and once people know this they
52
Capricorn
up as a girl on a night out to You didn’t actually shit your
impress those mates that you
bottle-nosed dolphins at
bed the other day, your mates
have just met is not funny, not
SeaWorld though.
took turns to do it while you
clever and a little sad.
will treat you like Pete Burns
Maybe not with one of the
and not Angelina Jolie.
BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
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Bragging Rights
ASK CRYSTAL empty bottle. We’ve told him off
everyone to drink loads of water
me. How can I test the waters
but he just laughs.
and then relieve themselves into
without losing face?
empty wine bottles. We’ve even tried hiding the wine
Dear Tim,
but he always finds it. How can
Put the now no longer empty
we make him stop his shitty
bottles in the fridge and wait for
behaviour?
your housemate to pour himself
THIS GIRL has no interest
a nice glass of piss.
in you. How do I know this?
Laura, Sydney
Dear Crystal,
Tim, Brisbane
Dear Laura,
Because you say that she has a I guarantee he won’t be drinking
lovely personality and is funny.
your wine ever again. OUR HOUSEMATE is starting to
WHINGING and moaning will
really piss us off. Every weekend
only get you so far and it seems
without fail he will work his way
obvious to me your housemate
through every single bottle of
isn’t the type of guy to respond
THERE IS a gorgeous girl who
personality leads me to think
wine he can find in the kitchen
to your pleas - the thirsty bastard
works in the same office as me. I
you’re a metrosexual, excuse
and they were all bought by us.
just can’t help himself.
find excuses to stop by her desk
me I just threw up a little in my
all the time for regular chats.
mouth when I typed that word.
Dear Crystal,
What about the more important assets, like her tits? The fact that you’re obsessed with her
He never replaces our booze and
It’s time for a more devious
it’s starting to annoy us because
approach. Invite all of your
I really like her, she has a lovely
All girls want real men who think
when we come to drink our wine
friends round one night when
personality and she’s funny too.
with their dicks and aren’t afraid
there’s nothing there but any
your housemate isn’t home. Get
I know she doesn’t have a
to use them. Stop making small
boyfriend but I’m not sure if
talk and offer her a joy ride on
she feels the same way about
your greasy pole.
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@britishballs.com
JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
WHY does everyone think my dads are gay? John, Wollongong CHERYL Cole was asked: “What would you do if this was the last day on earth?” To which she replied: “Probably spend time with the people I love the most.” Incorrect Cheryl. I think you’ll find your last day would be spent running terrified from a lot of men with their trousers around their ankles wanting to fulfil their last day plans. Jack, Chicago I REMEMBER my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere. So I had a real smug look on my face later in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the McDonalds drive through. Dexy, Surry Hills I’VE spent two years looking for my exgirlfriend’s killer... But no one will do it. Peter, Yorkshire I NEVER let my children watch big band performances on TV. There’s too much sax and violins. Timothy, Perth 54
WHEN my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed, she got sympathy. When I said that, I got disgust. Ted, Leeds WHY do women fake orgasms? I wish they’d just be honest. I’ve only faked an orgasm once, when I was being mugged. That scared him off. Rick, Darwin I’VE just had 40 winks on the train... I knew I shouldn’t have worn this pink T-shirt. Jimbo, Townsville I HATE it in films when they have sex scenes and both the man and the woman orgasm at the same time It’s only happened to me once when I’ve come at the same time as a girl - and she didn’t even know I was in the cupboard. Sam, Derby
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SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Manchester United Manchester City Arsenal Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea Bolton Wanderers Sunderland Blackpool Blackburn Rovers Stoke City Everton Liverpool Newcastle United West Bromwich Albion Aston Villa Birmingham City Fulham Wigan Athletic West Ham United Wolverhampton Wanderers
L
+/- Pts
18 20 18 19 18 19 20 17 20 19 19 17 19 19 19 18 19 18 20 18
0 4 5 4 5 4 5 6 9 9 5 7 9 9 9 5 6 7 9 11
22 16 17 6 17 7 -1 -3 -5 -1 -1 -1 -3 -9 -14 -3 -4 -14 -13 -13
10 11 11 9 9 7 6 7 7 7 4 6 6 6 5 3 3 4 3 4
8 5 2 6 4 8 9 4 4 3 10 4 4 4 5 10 10 7 8 3
LEAGUE 1
CHAMPIONSHIP
Pl W D
38 38 35 33 31 29 27 25 25 24 22 22 22 22 20 19 19 19 17 15
Tables accurate as of December 29th, AEST.
Queens Park Rangers Cardiff City Swansea City Leeds United Norwich City Reading Coventry City Watford Burnley Millwall Nottingham Forest Derby County Portsmouth Doncaster Rovers Hull City Barnsley Leicester City Ipswich Town Bristol City Sheffield United Middlesbrough Scunthorpe United Crystal Palace Preston North End
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
23 23 24 24 23 23 24 22 22 23 20 22 22 21 23 22 24 22 23 23 23 21 23 22
2 7 8 6 6 5 10 7 6 7 4 10 8 7 7 9 11 11 10 12 13 12 13 13
28 12 6 4 7 10 0 8 5 5 7 6 1 -2 -3 -6 -9 -5 -9 -14 -9 -10 -16 -16
13 12 12 11 11 8 10 9 8 8 7 9 8 8 7 8 8 8 7 7 7 7 6 5
8 4 4 7 6 10 4 6 8 8 9 3 6 6 9 5 5 3 6 4 3 2 4 4
47 40 40 40 39 34 34 33 32 32 30 30 30 30 30 29 29 27 27 25 24 23 22 19
Brighton and Hove Albion Sheffield Wednesday Huddersfield Town Charlton Athletic Southampton AFC Bournemouth Colchester United Peterborough United Oldham Athletic Exeter City Hartlepool United Milton Keynes Dons FC Brentford Carlisle United Plymouth Argyle Swindon Town Leyton Orient Notts County Rochdale Tranmere Rovers Bristol Rovers Dagenham & Redbridge Walsall Yeovil Town
LEAGUE 2
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
19 21 21 19 20 20 19 20 18 20 19 20 19 19 20 20 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19
3 8 9 5 7 6 3 8 3 7 6 9 7 6 8 7 7 10 7 9 7 9 12 11
16 13 6 6 11 13 2 -2 6 -2 -2 -5 2 6 -4 -3 1 -5 1 -8 -11 -11 -14 -16
10 10 10 9 9 8 7 9 7 8 8 9 8 7 7 6 6 7 5 6 5 4 5 4
6 3 2 5 4 6 9 3 8 5 5 2 4 6 5 7 6 2 7 4 7 6 2 4
Chesterfield Port Vale Bury Rotherham United Wycombe Wanderers Shrewsbury Town Cheltenham Town Torquay United Gillingham Crewe Alexandra Oxford United Macclesfield Town Stevenage Football Club Burton Albion Northampton Town Bradford City Southend United Stockport County Aldershot Town Accrington Stanley Morecambe Lincoln City Barnet Hereford United
36 33 32 32 31 30 30 30 29 29 29 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 22 22 18 17 16
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
19 20 19 19 20 19 20 19 20 19 20 20 19 19 20 20 19 21 19 19 19 18 21 20
3 4 5 3 4 4 6 5 7 5 8 9 5 7 8 10 8 8 7 6 8 9 12 11
16 13 14 9 8 13 1 8 0 12 -1 -6 4 3 -6 -7 -2 -18 -7 -3 -6 -12 -15 -18
11 10 10 9 9 9 8 7 7 6 7 7 5 6 6 7 6 5 5 4 5 5 5 3
5 6 4 7 7 6 6 7 6 8 5 4 9 6 6 3 5 8 7 9 6 4 4 6
38 36 34 34 34 33 30 28 27 26 26 25 24 24 24 24 23 23 22 21 21 19 19 15
EUROPEAN LEAGUES
FOCUS ON... LA LIGA SPAIN’S footballers are threatening legal action over plans to play La Liga games on January 2nd as it’s usually a bank holiday. Boo-fucking-hoo. The players union is unhappy that kick-off times for the five January 2nd games are spread out between 4pm and 10pm local time on a day that is typically a holiday for its members. The other five round 17 games are scheduled for January 3rd. “The court proceedings are directed towards the possibility of provisionally suspending the January 2nd matches... in a way that will not affect the matches scheduled for January 3rd,” a statement said. Aww diddums. Who’d be a footballer eh? Meanwhile, champions Barcelona have wasted no time in the transfer window having signed Dutch midfielder Ibrahim Afellay. And despite Jose Mourinho jumping at his own shadow and claiming they’re all out to get him, Madrid are still very much on Barca’s heels heading into the new year.
SERIE A AC Milan Napoli Lazio Juventus AS Roma Palermo Internazionale Sampdoria Udinese Chievo Genoa Catania Cagliari Bologna Fiorentina Parma Brescia Cesena Lecce Bari
LA LIGA
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
17 17 17 17 17 17 15 16 17 17 16 17 17 17 16 17 17 16 17 17
3 4 4 2 4 6 4 3 8 6 7 6 7 6 7 6 10 9 10 10
16 9 8 15 2 7 6 5 0 0 -2 -4 3 -7 -1 -6 -9 -9 -18 -15
11 10 10 8 8 8 6 5 7 5 6 5 5 5 5 4 4 4 4 2
3 3 3 7 5 3 5 8 2 6 3 6 5 6 4 7 3 3 3 5
36 33 33 31 29 27 23 23 23 21 21 21 20 20 19 19 15 15 15 11
FC Barcelona Real Madrid Villarreal CF Valencia CF RCD Espanyol Atlético Madrid Getafe CF Athletic Bilbao Real Sociedad RCD Mallorca Sevilla FC Hércules CF Deportivo La Coruña Racing Santander Osasuna Levante UD UD Almería Málaga CF Sporting Gijón Real Zaragoza
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16 16
1 1 3 4 6 6 6 7 8 7 8 7 6 8 7 9 7 11 8 8
42 27 16 5 -4 8 4 -2 -4 -4 -6 -4 -6 -10 -5 -8 -10 -15 -11 -13
14 13 10 8 9 8 8 8 7 6 6 5 4 5 4 4 2 4 2 1
1 2 3 4 1 2 2 1 1 3 2 4 6 3 5 3 7 1 6 7
SCOTTISH PREMIER Rangers Celtic Heart of Midlothian Inverness Caledonian Thistle Kilmarnock Motherwell Dundee United St. Johnstone St. Mirren Hibernian Aberdeen Hamilton Academical
56
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
16 17 17 18 17 16 14 17 17 17 17 15
1 2 4 5 7 7 5 9 9 10 12 9
22 25 15 7 7 2 -5 -13 -12 -10 -20 -18
13 12 10 7 7 7 5 5 4 4 4 2
2 3 3 6 3 2 4 3 4 3 1 4
41 39 33 27 24 23 19 18 16 15 13 10
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43 41 33 28 28 26 26 25 22 21 20 19 18 18 17 15 13 13 12 10
FOOTBALL RESULTS Tuesday, 28 December Barclays Premier League Birmingham 1-1 Man Utd Man City 4-0 Aston Villa Stoke 0-2 Fulham Sunderland 0-2 Blackpool Tottenham 2-0 Newcastle West Brom 1-3 Blackburn West Ham 1-1 Everton Npower Championship Bristol City 1-1 Crystal Palace Burnley 0-2 Scunthorpe Coventry 0-2 QPR Hull 1-1 Reading Leeds 3-3 Portsmouth Millwall 2-0 Leicester Norwich 4-2 Sheff Utd Preston 1-3 Middlesbrough Swansea 1-0 Barnsley Watford 4-1 Cardiff Npower League One MK Dons 2-0 Bournemouth Plymouth 1-1 Notts County Southampton 4-1 Huddersfield Swindon 1-1 Peterborough Npower League Two Barnet 1-3 Stockport Cheltenham 4-0 Bradford Gillingham 3-0 Port Vale Oxford Utd 2-1 Macclesfield Blue Square Premier AFC Wimbledon 3-0 Eastbourne Boro Bath City 2-4 Forest Green Cambridge Utd 1-5 Mansfield Fleetwood Town 2-0 Southport Kidderminster 2-3 Newport County Blue Square North AFC Telford 3-1 Redditch Blue Square South Dover 4-0 Lewes Ebbsfleet United 2-1 Dartford Farnborough 1-1 Basingstoke Weston-S-Mare 0-2 Eastleigh Monday, 27 December Barclays Premier League Arsenal 3-1 Chelsea Carling Premiership Cliftonville 2-1 Crusaders Portadown 2-2 Glenavon Sunday, 26 December Barclays Premier League Aston Villa 1-2 Tottenham Blackburn 0-2 Stoke Bolton 2-0 West Brom Fulham 1-3 West Ham Man Utd 2-0 Sunderland Newcastle 1-3 Man City Wolverhampton 1-2 Wigan Npower Championship Barnsley 1-2 Burnley Cardiff 2-0 Coventry Leicester 2-2 Leeds Portsmouth 1-1 Millwall QPR 4-0 Swansea Reading 4-1 Bristol City Sheff Utd 2-3 Hull Npower League One Huddersfield 0-1 Hartlepool Npower League Two Wycombe 2-1 Hereford Clydesdale Bank Premier League Celtic 2-0 St Johnstone Hibernian 1-2 Aberdeen Inverness CT 1-2 St Mirren Motherwell 1-4 Rangers Scottish Championship First Division Partick Thistle 0-0 Raith Rovers Scottish Championship Second Division Alloa 2-2 Livingston Blue Square South Woking 3-1 Havant and W Wednesday, 22 December International Match China PR 1-0 FYR Macedonia Qatar 2-0 Estonia Thursday, 16 December Uefa Europa League AEK Athens 0-3 Zenit St Petersburg Anderlecht 2-0 Hajduk Split Aris Salonika 2-0 Rosenborg Bayer Leverkusen 1-1 Atletico Madrid Debrecen 2-0 Sampdoria Getafe 1-0 Young Boys Juventus 1-1 Man City
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Levski Sofia 1-0 Sporting Lille 3-0 AA Gent PSV Eindhoven 0-0 FC Metalist Kharkiv Red Bull Salzburg 0-1 Lech Poznan VfB Stuttgart 5-1 Odense BK Wednesday, 15 December Uefa Europa League AZ Alkmaar 3-0 BATE Borisov Besiktas 2-0 Rapid Vienna Club Bruges 1-2 Villarreal Dinamo Zagreb 0-1 PAOK Salonika Dynamo Kiev 0-0 FC Sheriff Tiraspol FC Porto 3-1 CSKA Sofia Karpaty Lviv 1-1 Paris SG Lausanne Sports 0-1 Palermo Liverpool 0-0 FC Utrecht Napoli 1-0 Steaua Bucharest Sevilla 2-2 Borussia Dortmund Sparta Prague 1-1 CSKA Moscow FIFA Club World Cup Pachuca 2-2 Al-Wahda (Pachuca win 4-2 on pens) Seongnam Chunma 0-3 Inter Milan Scottish League Third Division Arbroath 0-0 Stranraer The FA Carlsberg Trophy Gloucester 3-0 Cirencester Tuesday, 14 December The FA Cup Hartlepool 4-2 Yeovil Notts County 3-1 Bournemouth FIFA Club World Cup TP Mazembe Englebert 2-0 Internacional Npower League Two Cheltenham 0-2 Southend Clydesdale Bank Premier League Motherwell 1-2 Hearts Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Brentford 0-0 Charlton (Brentford win 3-1 on pens) Bristol Rovers 2-2 Exeter (Exeter win 5-4 on pens) Tranmere 0-2 Huddersfield Scottish League First Division Dundee 3-0 Cowdenbeath Dunfermline 0-0 Partick Thistle Ross County 2-2 Morton Scottish League Second Division Peterhead 5-1 Airdrie Utd Scottish League Third Division Elgin 2-2 Albion The FA Carlsberg Trophy Alfreton Town 3-0 Hyde Blyth Spartans 2-0 Fleetwood Town Curzon Ashton 0-2 Altrincham Dartford 1-0 Crawley Town Gateshead 2-2 Southport Kettering 1-2 Chasetown (AET) Sutton Utd 0-4 Eastleigh Welling 1-2 Luton Worksop 0-5 Mansfield Blue Square North Redditch 0-5 Nuneaton Blue Square South Maidenhead Utd 1-1 Boreham Wood Principality Building Society Welsh Premier League Airbus UK 1-1 Bangor City Carling Premiership Donegal Celtic 1-4 Glenavon Monday, 13 December Barclays Premier League Man Utd 1-0 Arsenal Blue Square North Worcester 4-1 Vauxhall Motors Sunday, 12 December Barclays Premier League Bolton 2-1 Blackburn Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea Wolverhampton 1-0 Birmingham Npower League One Charlton 0-1 Walsall The FA Carlsberg Trophy Luton 0-0 Welling PBS Welsh Premier League Bala Town 0-2 Neath Saturday, 11 December Barclays Premier League Aston Villa 2-1 West Brom Everton 0-0 Wigan Fulham 0-0 Sunderland Newcastle 3-1 Liverpool Stoke 0-1 Blackpool West Ham 1-3 Man City FIFA Club World Cup Al-Wahda 1-4 Seongnam Chunma Npower Championship
FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague.com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.
Prizes (in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
#
TEAM
MANAGER
GW
TOT
1
Dizzying Heights FC
Siva Iyer
26
1036
2
alovelycupoftea
James Horrocks
9
1025
3
every week you
dan magee
21
992
4
Alcohol Fc
Ron f
21
971
5
Stop, Hammertime!
Paul Steadman
20
970
6
Mukin Fagic
Luke Gately
29
968
7
Evertonian
John Armitage
21
960
8
TippytappyFC
Richie Egan
33
956
9
Ozzies Allstars ***
James Osborne
19
949
10
Your Ma’s Athletic
brian o gorman
32
948
11
Holy-family ‘B’ team
Pat Mustard
18
940
12
Tallulah
Neil Weaver
26
936
13
Rootin & Tootin
Oisin Coveney
11
929
14
bobby dazzlerz
tom mcelwain
21
923
15
Alan’s Deep Bath
jason kerley
14
915
16
Juggernauts
Gaurav Rana
40
913
17
Arsenal
Brian Harvey
17
910
18
Red Incas
Mark Stansfield
33
905
19
KOP THAT
Tony Hagan
12
904
20
stopcallingitsoccer
Tom Davis
29
903
New Entry
Ranking Increased
Ranking stayed the same
Ranking Fell
`
57
ASHES NEWS PONTING LOSES HIS RAG... TOY-THROWING, tantrum hurling, Asheslosing, former Australia skipper Ricky Ponting has made a crap public apology for his dummy spitting antics in the fourth Test. The big girl was a tad peeved when Kevin Pietersen was ruled not out on review in England’s innings after what looked like an inside edge. Replays showed a hot spot – but not in the area where the ball would have struck. Umpire Aleem Dar therefore ruled ‘not out’ and, being the arsehole that he is, Ponting started moaning to anyone and everyone, holding up the game for far too bloody long. And rather than just admitting he was wrong and saying sorry, Ponting still won’t let the bloody thing go. “I had a chance to look at it again. I still, in my heart and in my mind, believe that he inside-edged that ball,� he moaned, as though it would have made a difference.
... AND THE ASHES “I think if you look at the replay properly, in the way that it needs to be looked at, I think everyone will understand that HotSpot mark wasn’t a long way away from where the ball passed the bat ... but that’s irrelevant now. The decision was made and I’ve got to get on with it.â€? He then refused to get on with it, saying: “I guess one aw we’ve got in the system in the moment is that all the replays are being shown on the big screen. From what we could see on the big screen you could see a pretty obvious Hot-Spot mark on the inside-edge of his bat. “What I wanted to do was clarify how the third umpire had got to making the decision that he made, and that’s what started the discussion with Aleem and I.â€? Ponting, or ‘C*nter’ as he’s known, was ďŹ ned $5400 for the outburst and told to stop being such a massive cock.
GROUND GUIDE Fifth Test: January 3-7 Venue: Sydney Cricket Ground Capacity: 44,000 Guide: OK we’ve already won the series and couldn’t really give a shit about the outcome of this one but as far as we’re concerned, getting a ticket is absolutely essential. It’s ďŹ ve-day party time people! Wahey! England generally aren’t too shabby at the SCG. Out of the 52 times they’ve played the Aussies here, they’ve racked up 21 wins. In fact, there have only been seven Ashes draws in Sydney Tests, which suggests a result is likely – although that might become eight if it starts pissing it down next week as predicted.
GROUNDS FOR CONCERN WE skittled them out for 98, then watched Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook pile on 157-0 to set up an Ashes-winning total on a awless ďŹ rst day in the Boxing Day test at the MCG. But the best bit of all happened off the pitch. With more than 84,000 supporters crammed in the ground at the start of the day, presumably buoyed by the bizarre Aussie press claim that sledging was going to win them back the Ashes, there were less than 30,000 left by stumps. And a fair old number of them were with the Barmy Army. So much for the famed “Aussie battlerâ€? spirit.
from
$55
*
*For a 2hr lesson at Maroubra beach
Shattered Aussie vice-captain Michael Clarke, ďŹ rst innings top scorer with 20, admitted: “We have no excuses at all. We played some poor shots and didn’t show enough discipline. “England bowled really well, hitting good areas and a full length. “What can you do? You have to keep working hard, trust your game and back yourself.â€? Because clearly, when the going gets tough, no one else is going to back you Michael. Not even your own fucking fans. 58
Book now call 9365 1800 128 Ramsgate Ave, Bondi Beach BBM-589 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
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#6:*/( 4&--*/( 3&/5*/( (PPE TFMFDUJPO PG $BST 8BHPOT 7BOT $BNQFSWBOT 8% 41&$*"-*454 0WFS WFIJDMFT JO TUPDL XJUI VQ UP #6: #"$, "MM XJUI DBNQJOH HFBS "MM WFIJDMFT GPS TBMF IBWF B (PWFSONFOU BQQSPWFE 3PBEXPSUIZ $FSUJmDBUF 1JOL 4MJQ JTTVFE CZ */%&1&/%&/5 .&$)"/*$4 OPU $PNQBOZ FNQMPZFFT MJLF NPTU DBS EFBMFST '3&& JOGPSNBUJPO XJUI UJQT GPS CVZJOH TFMMJOH BOE USBWFMMJOH 5SBOTGFS 3FHJTUSBUJPO GPSNT GPS BMM 4UBUFT '3&& "EWJDF PO 3FHJTUSBUJPOT 5SBOTGFST XIJDI 4UBUFT BSF DIFBQFTU FBTJFTU UP 5SBOTGFS BOE 3FHJTUFS '3&& .POUIT "VTUSBMJB 8JEF 8BSSBOUZ HVBSBOUFFF XJUI IS SPBETJEF BTTJTUBODF BWBJMBCMF PO NPTU WFIJDMFT DPOEJUJPOT BQQMZ /05 B LN XBSSBOUZ XIJDI HFUT ZPV BCPVU PG ZPVS XBZ BSPVOE "VTUSBMJB
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59
ASHES FEATURE THE TAIL’S WAGGING
LISTEN. We love Test cricket at BBM but, come on, it can get a bit boring some times. Take the Adelaide Test for example. There really is only so much a sober man can take watching Alastair Cook knock the Aussie attack to every end of the ground for hours on end. Actually, scrap that. We should have said there’s only so much an Australian man can take watching Alastair Cook batter the arrogant Aussie arseholes to within an inch of their life. So what to do when you’ve just watched Michael Clarke bat his way through a third successive maiden. Well why not feast your eyes on another kind of maiden? Phwoar! In the wake of hairpiece hawker Shane Warne’s knobbing of Liz Hurley, BBM brings you the top five Ashes wags - which is basically an excuse for us to print big pictures of hot women. Sweet.
TEST DATES 25–29 November (Brisbane, The Gabba) Result: MATCH DRAWN 3–7 December (Adelaide, Adelaide Oval) Result: ENGLAND WON 16–20 December (Perth, WACA Ground) Result: AUSTRALIA WON 26–30 December (Melbourne, Melbourne Cricket Ground) Result: 3–7 January (Sydney, Sydney Cricket Ground) Result: -
SHANE WATSON: MITCHELL JOHNSON:
LEE FURLONG
JESSICA BRATICH
KEVIN PIETERSEN:
JESSICA TAYLOR MICHAEL CLARKE:
KYLY BOLDY
STUART BROAD:
KACEY BARNFIELD
60
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FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
HOLLOWAY’S HOLIDAY RENT-A-QUOTE Ian Holloway has been moaning about Blackpool’s impromptu winter break after having three games postponed. “It’s like Groundhog Day — we’ve had three cancellations now. We are trying to train athletes in this weather but it’s ridiculous. Where would you put a racehorse in weather like this? We’ve tried training on the beach and even that was frozen,” he blathered.
Cesc Fabregas has gone mental. That’s the informed opinion of Arsene Wenger, although the Arsenal manager’s degree in child psychology clearly cost him an understanding of basic biology. “When he comes on, his hamstring is in his head.
So we have to move the hamstring out of his head,” he baffled.
And it seems Wenger’s grasp of mathematics is also a bit whiffy after he took offence to Nani’s comments that Arsenal were not serious title challengers. “I don’t know who will win the league. I managed 1,600 games so if Nani knows he must be 1,600 times more intelligent than I am,” harrumphed Wenger – conveniently ignoring the fact that Nani didn’t say who would win the league either.
Harry Redknapp’s quest to run as many Premier League clubs into hideous debt as possible continues this week with news he’s after £15million-
Handsome Steve Bruce has joined the list of chancers who tried to sign David Beckham. “I did try when he went to Milan,” said the Sunderland manager, who starred in the film The Elephant Man. “Milan or Sunderland or Birmingham or Wigan? He just said ‘thanks Brucie, I’m going to Milan!’ I understand that. Milan and Prada or Sunderland and Primark?!”
overrated Ashley Young. A blabber-mouth Spurs source said: “It’s no secret Harry is a big fan of Ashley Young and would like to take him. So he’s hoping the likes of Keane and Bentley could tempt Villa into doing business.”
Ladyboy-loving Bryan Robson is refusing to leave Thailand. The former England captain is the country’s national boss and has successfully overseen a terrible run of results for an already crap country. Thailand have failed to reach the Asian Cup for the first time in 23 years and were also knocked out of the South-East Asian Games and the South-East Asian Championship in the first round. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m coach here fulltime,” he pleaded.
Alex Ferguson has given his pet vampire, Dimitar Berbatov, a new target – 25 goals this season. “His form has been terrific if he can get us to 25.” - and we need one more to get around that figure - then we will have a good chance,” he scotched.
Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground
Spectacular!
HAVE YOU HEARD G G G G G
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visit www.adventureGC.com 62
Get back to nature
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70 kilometres of coastline 300 days of sunshine per year 22°C /72°F average temperature 500 cafes, restaurants and bars 100,000 hectares of World Heritage Rainforest Australia’s biggest range of theme parks and attractions
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Most savvy travellers think they know what to expect on the Gold Coast; brilliant beaches, super Surfers Paradise nightlife, theme parks galore and the best looking talent in the country. But only a plucky few explorers uncover more than the travel guides are willing to admit. How’d they miss 100,000 hectares of world heritage rainforest, 500 kilometres of canals, the year round water sports or the sacred indigenous landmarks? Perhaps they just weren’t up for the challenge. Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground.
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FOOTBALL
FEATURE
SECONDS OUT, ROUND THREE A ROSY-CHEEKED youngster perched on daddy’s shoulder wearing the club scarf he got for Christmas, the joy on an old man’s face as he shakes his noisy wooden rattle thing from the side of the pitch, freezing your bollocks off at half-time waiting for a horrible meat pie at Blundell Park.
few interesting ties in the mix.
cowfield of a pitch.
The big clash sees Liverpool taking on Man Utd but other games set to get Jeff Stelling’s spittle flying are Sven Goran Eriksson’s Leicester City taking on Man City and Arsenal v Leeds in a rematch of the 1972 final.
There are only two fixtures pitting non-league opposition against Premier League clubs this year – Stevenage v Newcastle and York v Bolton. The most likely ‘big shock’ though could be at Crawley Town, who host an off-form Derby County.
Yes, the nostalgia of the FA Cup permeates every orifice of the English game as football’s big boys mix it with the minnows. The third round shindig kicks off again next week and there are a
But while grudge matches are all well and good, what we really want to see are shocks. Star international players being humiliated by part-time plumbers on a mud-soaked
Anyhoo, we thought we’d take a trip down memory lane and relive some of those great FA Cup shocks that made us laugh like hyenas.
TOP FIVE FA CUP THIRD ROUND SHOCKS... HEREFORD UTD 2 NEWCASTLE UTD 1
SUTTON UNITED 2 COVENTRY CITY 1
1972
1989
With Hereford’s players suffering from cramp and losing 1-0, Ronnie Radford’s late 35-yard equaliser sparked an invasion by supporters on the Edgar Street mudbath. And that was before Ricky George hit the extra-time winner to make Hereford the first non-league side to defeat a top-tier team in 23 years.
WALSALL 2 ARSENAL 0
1933
One we can remember! Just about. In the most recent occasion of a top-flight team being knocked out by a nonLeague side (err, we think), Coventry – who had won the FA Cup 18 months earlier fell to goals from Tony Rains and Matthew Hanlan. Sutton were promptly battered 8-0 in the following round by Norwich City.
Herbert Chapman’s brilliant Arsenal were weakened by an epidemic of influenza but still had seven international players when they were battered out of the game by third division (north) club Walsall.
SHREWSBURY 2 EVERTON 1
2002 We couldn’t drag up any other instances of non-league clubs beating top-flight sides, so we had to choose from Man Utd losing to Bournemouth, Arsenal getting beaten by Wrexham – and this embarrassing effort. Everton pip it on account of Shrewsbury being absolute dog shit at the time, near the foot of what is now League Two in fact. They were so bad they were relegated to the Conference that year. Somehow Everton were worse.
64
WORCESTER CITY 2 LIVERPOOL 1
1959 Fair enough, Liverpool were in the second division at the time – but just the idea of Worcester beating Liverpool is hilarious. The silver lining for Liverpool was that the result hastened the departure of manager Phil Taylor – who was replaced by Bill Shankly…
WEEKEND FIXTURES Saturday 1st January Barclays Premier League Birmingham v Arsenal Liverpool v Bolton Man City v Blackpool Stoke City v Everton Sunderland v Blackburn Tottenham v Fulham West Brom v Man Utd West Ham v Wolves npower Championship Bristol City v Cardiff City Burnley v Sheff Utd Coventry v Ipswich Doncaster v Scunthorpe Hull City v Leicester Leeds Utd v Middlesbrough Millwall v C.Palace Norwich v QPR Nottm Forest v Barnsley Preston NE v Derby Swansea City v Reading Watford v Portsmouth npower League 1 Brentford v Dag & Red Brighton v Leyton Orient Carlisle Utd v Huddersfield Colchester v Charlton Hartlepool v Oldham MK Dons v Bristol Rovers Plymouth v Yeovil Rochdale v Tranmere Sheff Weds v Peterborough Southampton v Exeter City Swindon v Bournemouth Walsall v Notts County npower League 2 Barnet v Aldershot Burton Albion v Shrewsbury Bury v Macclesfield Cheltenham v Wycombe Chesterfield v Stockport Crewe v Northampton Gillingham v Stevenage Hereford v Torquay Lincoln City v Bradford Morecambe v Accrington Oxford United v Southend Rotherham v Port Vale Clydesdale Scottish Premier Aberdeen v Dundee Utd Hamilton Acd’ v Motherwell Hearts v Hibernian
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SPORT GUIDE Contents PAGE 64 Football feature: FA Cup shocks PAGE 62 Football news: Wenger’s acadamia PAGE 60 Ashes Feature: Top Ashes wags
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PAGE 58 Ashes News: We’ve won the frigging thing! Up yours Punter!
WE’VE WON THE BLOODY ASHES!
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PAGES 56 & 57 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables
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JAN 2011