CONTENTS The Cover
Review
Regulars
TAKE THAT! - 20 Little Bobby Williams has finally realised his wallet would be fatter if he reunited with Take That. But goshdarnit, he’s not going to dance with them!
MORNING GLORY - 26
Interview
Sport
FROM PAGE 26 More interviews than a recruitment centre as we catch up with Jerry Bruckheimer, Teresa Palmer, The Bamboos, Natalie Gauci and DJ Marky.
WE WON! - 62 “Close your eyes, strain your ears and you can almost still hear the strains of Jerusalem reverberating from the SCG. Well, if you’re in Surry Hills.”
UK News Irish News World News Soaps Gossip The Wrap Interviews Sydney Melbourne Perth Recruitment Classifieds Hostel Listings Crystal Balls Ask Crystal & Jokes Sport
“Becky hires a veteran news reporter as co-host and things go haywire from there. This is the perfect role for Harrison Ford, he’s grumpy and arrogant - just like you’d expect him to be in real life.”
JOBS & ACCOMODATION
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MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon john.mcmahon@what-media.com
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UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com
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BBM
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UK NEWS THIS GUY’S NUTS
A YOUNG chap from Chesterfield took making ballsy decisions to a new level this week, after deciding to save a few pennies on a sex-change operation by hacking off his own testicles.
which he had removed the previous day. He was treated, then discharged from A&E,” said a spokesman for Derbyshire’s Chesterfield Royal Hospital NHS Trust trough clenched teeth and wincing eyes.
Now that takes some balls. Oh the irony!
The DIY castrator confessed to throwing his testicles away in Queens Park, Chesterfield and is now, somewhat unsurprisingly, under psychiactric care.
The unnamed 22-year-old mentalist then hurled his severed nether regions into a nearby park, waited 24 hours, then finally called to a hospital where he boldly claimed that it ‘didn’t hurt as much as he expected’.
So remember fellas, the next time a mate asks if you want to kick a few balls around
“A man in his early twenties presented himself at the hospital minus his testicles,
O IS FOR OBSCENE HATS off to low quality toy manufacturers Chad Valley who’s latest kiddy toy not only teaches young tykes their ABCs – it also makes them swear like fucking sailors. Cheapskate dad Mark Rance bought his threeyear-old daughter the £16.99 Chad Valley light and sound ABC game from Argos hoping it would teach little Rianna the phonetic alphabet. All was fine when she pressed the letter ‘A’ and the toy said Apple, no problems with the letter B either – but the problem started when she got to C.
Can you think of a naughty word that begins with C boys and girls? We’ll give you a clue – it’s not Clitoris, but it’s around the same region. Bingo! Mark, of Yeovil, Somerset, said: “She picked up on it straight away and now she keeps saying it. I’m furious. We had all the family here listening to it on Christmas Day. It was very embarrassing. “We just hope she won’t keep saying it. We pressed F to make sure it was OK but the rest of the letters are normal.” Which is eerily similar to when BBM
DON’T go to Exeter. It’s a fucking dump. That seems to be the new slogan for Devon’s biggest city after bin men went five weeks without collecting rubbish because it was deemed ‘unsafe’ to do so in the snow.
SNOOKER LOOPY LAGS ARE WE IT’S a well-known fact that one of the main causal links between childhood and a life of crime, is the lack of access to professionally-designed snooker tables. If only a young Fred West had been given access to a perfectly maintained green baize, countless lives could have been saved. Thankfully, the farsighted bosses of Rye Hill prison near Rugby, Warwickshire, have seen sense and installed no less than eight full-sized snooker tables (at £35,000 each) for potty inmates to play with. Contractors even “balanced” the green baize tables professionally to ensure convicts’ games are fair. A G4S spokesman said the jail used games such as snooker to “encourage good behaviour and interaction”. Call us stupid, but we reckon giving inmates access to snooker balls and pool cues is probably a bad idea. We’ve seen Ray Winstone in Scum. Who’s the faaaackin’ daddy!
ABBEY ROAD’S crossing has been given Grade II status by heritage minister John Penrose. This is normally a status that is only given to buildings. All thanks to the great Beatles - who cares about USA having the stars, we have a zebra crossing! Mr Penrose told Sky News that “It is a fantastic testimony to the international fame of The Beatles that, more than 40 years on, this crossing continues to attract thousands of visitors each year, trying to mimic their iconic Abbey Road album cover.” Well we’ve all tried it, that’s one of the best things about visiting London.
As a result, huge piles of bin bags built up along roads and alleyways, attracting rats, gulls, Kerry Katona, Katie Price, and tonnes of other disgusting vermin.
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UK NEWS
A LATVIAN modern artist (he already sounds like a twat) has moved to London, squatting in a £10million mansion after hearing how easy it was to live for free in the UK (twat – we told you).
HE’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS “I’M DRIVING home for Christmas,” sang gravely-voiced beardy bloke Chris Rea. “I take a look at the driver next to me.” Keep your eyes on the road Chris. That’s how lives are lost. And just to further emphasise that Rea’s vision of driving at Christmas being a lighthearted festive affair is utterly misleading, comes the tale of Mohammed Bellazrak.
Poor old Mohammed (an old-fashioned Christian name if ever we heard one) dropped his wife off at the airport and then tried to get home – but got confused by the thick snow and ended up lost as fuck. Police in Oxfordshire, using numberplate recognition systems, were finally able to flag down Mr Bellazrak and get him home on the big day.
The 72-year-old Wiltshire-based grandad tried driving home for Christmas from Gatwick back to Somerset – and it took the poor bastard three days.
Further analysis using the technology found that he had driven around a few towns in Oxfordshire, Buckinghamshire and Berkshire during his magical mystery tour, as well as stretches of the M4.
Even then he needed help from the emergency services.
Compounding his misery was a broken satnav system, while he had no mobile phone.
get your TAX BACK
Jobless Jason Ruddick journeyed the 1,500 miles from his home in the Baltics after a pal told him about squatters’ rights in Britain. The 21-year-old even boasted how he ‘eats for free’ after going through the bins at a nearby Iceland store — adding: “You get lots of things for free here.” That’s true Jason, being beaten up by a horde of angry Daily Mail readers costs absolutely nothing back in England. “You even get food for free. We go to Iceland and get all the good food from the rubbish bins. “We always have a full fridge.” Can someone attach electrodes to this man’s genitals please?
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UK NEWS
IF YOU SEE THIS JET AROCKIN’
“LOVE is in the air, everywhere I look around,” once crooned Barry Manilow. Although that may still be true in a metaphoric sense, sadly it’s not longer true in the spunk on a plane sense – as Mile High Flights (which offers couples the chance to shag in mid air) has been refused a new flight licence. The saucy air charter company had operated flights in a Cessna light aircraft, complete with a bedroom area curtained off from the cockpit, from Gloucestershire Airport for the past two years, charging £640 a time for the
WHAT’S the first thing people think of when someone says the word “Suffolk”? Suffolk Punch horses maybe, the artist Thomas Gainsborough perhaps, possibly even former England and Ipswich Town football manager Sir Bobby Robson. Well, idiots, you’d all be wrong. According to a new poll, Dani Filth, lead singer of black metal band Cradle Of Filth, is the first face that pops into the head when it comes to iconic images of the county. Dani romped his way to victory in an online poll by tourist bosses, polling 13,025 votes on the Suffolk Icons website, more than six times the number recorded for the next icon. Unsurprisingly, tourism chiefs won’t be using
experience - and even providing customers with a ‘certificate of initiation’. But now the powers that be think couples banging each other might be too distracting for the pilot. “I am getting emails every week from couples who want to go up in the plane. It’s a shame we’ve had to stop because of some prudish snobbery on the part of the CAA,” said Mike Crisp, the company’s founder and inventor of the crisp.
his image (pictured) to entice people to the county as it’s blatantly a pisstake by Cradle of Filth fans with laptops and too much time on their hands. Instead, the 20 finalists only include wholesome images such as views of beach huts, St Edmundsbury Cathedral, the Sutton Hoo burial ship site, racing at Newmarket and Bobby Robson. Tim Passmore, boss of Choose Suffolk, said: “While some of the images on the site may have gained a larger proportion of visitors’ votes, the panel felt their list of finalists displays the required credentials to act as representative iconic images of Suffolk.” Filth told a music website: “I guess this is where my heart lies. So in that respect, it’s a compliment. Although, I prefer a pint of Adnams myself.”
WHEN you’re trying to flog 2011 calendars for Scunthorpe FC, there’s one letter in the club name you really, really, really, REALLY don’t won’t to accidentally chop off when you’re blowing up a large picture of the stadium. You can guess where we’re going with this right? Yes the inevitable has happened with redfaced football bosses forced to apologise to 2000 fans after the “S” was left off the name Scunthorpe in the large photo for September. A message on a hoarding should have read ‘Jamie Muir, Scunthorpe United Number One Fan’, but the ‘S’ was missing. Landlord Jamie, 33, who runs The Oak pub in Bromley, Kent, said: “I had to rub my eyes. I thought I was seeing things. Initially, I thought the publishers had made a mistake with mine.
WE don’t know too much about driving around the English countryside, but we can’t imagine having a dog on your lap can help too much. Unless you’re blind of course, then it makes perfect sense. Keith Little isn’t blind. He just loves his dog. A little too much in BBM’s opinion but that’s by the by. And now the 62-year-old, from Carlisle, is paying the price after being prosecuted for driving with a sheepdog on his lap. To be fair, the police gave him a fair chance – but after catching him driving around with a dog on his lap for the 16th time in six months, they decided enough was enough and charged him. Carlisle magistrates revoked his licence and fined him £32 with £65 costs. Little told the local paper: “They [the police] said it was a black and white collie cross, like a sheepdog; if they think a Patterdale terrier is a sheepdog, I don’t think much of their powers of observation.” We’re not sure what his argument is there – is he accusing the police of dog racism? “They all look the same those Terriers – lock em up!”
EVER wondered why Santa’s so jolly? It’s because he’s off his tits on crack. Corby police arrested a Santa who had been handing out presents to children all day on suspicion he was carrying drugs. The amateur Father Christmas was called in by the owner of the Rockingham Arms for the annual Christmas gathering after its normal Santa was double booked.
Unbelievable eh? A Scunthorpe fan living in Kent. The mind boggles.
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Dam Funk Edan Lord Finesse Guilty Simpson Promoe Raashan Ahmad 16 Wentworh Avenue, Surry Hills NSW 2010 (02) 9287 6440
www.tone.net.au facebook.com/tonesydney twitter.com/tonevenue
JAN 2011
IRISH NEWS PUBLIC PAY FOR EX-FACTOR WHAT’S that slightly nauseating squelching sound? Why that’s the sound of the Irish public still being financially shafted by politicians. It turns out that, despite te bold statements from the Government vowing g to cut allowance costs, taxpayers still had to turf rf out more than 2 million euros in expenses (on top of their salaries) for politicians. In fact, over the past five years, when combined with TDs’ expenses, it means that the taxpayer has paid the Senate 50 million euros for the privilege of running the country into the ground.
The top claimant during the past year was Fianna Fail’s Jim Walsh, from New Ross, Co Wexford, who received 62,196 euros. “This relates to a far This amount a longer period than the 12 months in question and that’s why my figure is higher than normal,” he said from the back of his goldplated Rolls Royce. “About 27,000 euros is i for the previous year. People have a right to know where money is spent, but in my case tthis figure goes back a while.”
AS everyone on the dating scene knows, meeting ‘The One’ doesn’t happen overnight. Which is why when you click with someone you’ve just met, it’s important that you take your time and try and find out a bit about each other before going on a date. That’s exactly what one chap in Ireland did this week – unfortunately he works for the Revenue helpline service and the girl of his dreams happened to be a caller who’d only rung up to find out some financial information. She started getting a bit suspicious when he asked her “a lot of questions” about where she was living, if she was living alone and where her partner was living. She reassured herself that she was talking to a government employee and thought no more about it – until she got a text 25 minutes later which read: “I was talking to you earlier... would you like to meet me sometime for dinner, pictures...” Quicker than you can say ‘freaky bastard’ she’d called the gardai, who took a statement but did not press charges. Which is a bit crap really.
ROAD TO SUCCESS GOOD news and bad news for car drivers in Ireland this week. The good news is that 2010 was the safest year on the country’s roads since records began. Hurrah! The bad news is it’s because no-one can afford d petrol anymore. BBM expects the e number of horse e and cart-related fatalities will increase dramatically in the next 12 months – until the price of straw goes up anyway. The government were still trying
to take credit for the new statistics though, saying that road safety strategy, higher levels of enforcement, newly en built roads and the b improvement of the condition of cars on the road were key factors in w the drop.
SOMEONE call Flash Gordon - Ming the Merciless is set to take over Ireland! Kind of. And when we say ‘kind of’ we mean ‘not at all really’. Instead it’s his half-brother, Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan, who has a serious chance of making his presence felt in the General Election. And instead of being a ruthless tyrant hell-bent on taking over the Universe, it seems Ming’s Irish sibling is more concerned with helping the country to recover.
“The recession also has an impact,” admitted RSA chief executive Noel Brett. “There are simply less journeys being made.”
The pro-cannabis comedy villain candidate has become one of the most successful local councillors in the country.
So in a way, the government are responsible for the drop in fatalities. Well done lads.
Once laughed off as a joke, he swept to the top position in his native county when he was elected mayor of Roscommon.
HEAR ye! Hear ye! A new decree has been issued, a new edict declared by those bigwig brainboxes in the Irish government . “Release the deranged killers!” they cry, and lo, there will has been done.
repeated complaints by the Mental Health (Criminal Law) Review Board that a small number of patients who were suitable for release could not be set free because it had no legal powers to impose conditions on their release.
Yes, convicted mentally-ill murderers are set to go back on the streets of Ireland thanks to a new law signed by Mary McAleese this week.
It is believed that one of the conditions imposed on the mentally ill convicts is to ensure they never take up a position as chief executive of a major Irish bank. The consequences are still being felt from the last time that happened.
Ireland’s insanity laws were amended on December 22 last after 12
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WORLD NEWS READY TO ROCK
DENNIS the Menace? Dennis the fucking lunatic more like.
A 50-year-old nutjob in Melbourne went old school with his rebellious crime spree frolics this week, eschewing modern day weaponry such as the flick knife and taser in favour of the Beanotastic slingshot. And instead of using his handheld catapult to fire a stone into the arse of Walter the Softy, the unnamed mentalist took his anti-social antics up a notch by jumping on a tram and firing rocks at passing motorists. Nice. In the most serious incident, a rock fired
WOULD you spend a month in a cage with two lions? Well James Jablon is doing just that, the poor sod. He has moved into a fenced enclosure with two African lions named Lea and Ed for the month of January. Not to worry, he does have an escape route incase of emergencies. He also plans to build a shelter in a tree for when the lions start fighting. Most of us would be terrified at the thought of staying that close to lions but James (pictured) is undertaking this to
at a car shattered the windscreen, hit the driver’s glasses, then pierced a rear window.
Police said the woman was not harmed in the attack and the offender was arrested by transit police soon after still in possession of a slingshot and rocks. The Richmond man was remanded in custody and was set to face seven charges, including conduct endangering life, conduct endangering persons, assault and weapons-related offences. It’s believed the man will be punished by being bent over an old man’s knee and having his arse slapped with a slipper several times.
raise money for charity. Couldn’t he have sold some chocolates instead? He will be streaming the event online and the only concern of his is how he will pass the time whilst the lions sleep.
YOU know when you’re on YouPorn and you just can’t figure out what the hell is going to happen from the weird thumbnail? Not a problem with the porn done by Captain Honors, of the American Air Force, who mixes the mundane with the macabre with the dizzying directorial heights of two “babes” in a shower and a mock rectal examination. Hilarious! And very clear. The veteran commander is regretting going commando after U.S. Army officials were made aware of the tapes and have revealed they’re going to take a closer look at the footage made aboard one of their aircraft carriers in order to deliver a correct punishment (probably not a simple spanking). Of course they want a ‘closer’ look, the filthy, S&M lovin’ bastards. We think their safe words might be “Top Gun”. Honors is berating the “gutless” approach of some haters that are using others to share their distaste, so it seems that both with porn plots and feedback he prefers the direct approach.
Not for us thanks, we shall stick to being on the other side of the fence and watching professionals feed them, the mental bastard.
A BIG VAT TAX INCREASE
NEED an excuse to party? Why not bask in the fact you’re in Australia whilst all those mugs in England have to suffer the wrath of a 2.5% VAT increase? Naturally, the poorest will be hit the hardest. But if you’re taking the time out to read a free magazine we doubt you’ll need to worry about any of your family. They own property in the Hamptons don’t they? “Food, children’s clothing, newspapers and magazines are not subject to VAT...” so maybe when you visit Blighty, you can buy a proper magazine yeah? You miser. If you’re worried about the increase for when you do visit the homeland, try our simple calculation to work out the new cost of your goods. Simply think of the price of what you want, add 2.5% of the total cost, then you’re done. No need to thank us.
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WORLD NEWS BIRDS FALLING FOR US
IN yet another show of millions of dollars being smashed on the absolutely irrelevant, thousands of dead birds found scattered on the floor of America have been sent for analysis by pencil-pushing virgins to determine whether their death was the cause of fireworks. New Years Eve, already tarred by Islamic extremists as irrelevant, has been further tarnished as it seems the necessary fireworks cause birds to internally combust, sending some people a little over the edge.
A BBC report literally paints a picture of birds “raining” from the sky... which is priceless. Not only do “blackbirds have poor eyesight” but apparently instead of migrating, they have spent years snorting a heady cocktail of crystal meth, acid and ketamine, which makes sure that once they hear a firework, they immediately re-route themselves towards the nearest and hardest surface. BBM wishes our bird had the same response.
THE BARMY ARNIE IN an abysmal turn of events, Arnold Schwarzenegger has Terminated his time as the governor of California. The Austrian lothario apparently had enough of salacious run-ins with inappropriate females and just generally living his life as a female-bounty hunter, and handed in his notice just in time to miss California’s predicted budget shortfall of
WORRIED about Iran’s nuclear warfare policy? Neither were we. But they’ve decided to extend a tour to Europe, China, and Russia- allowing them an intimate (but not too intimate, this is Iran don’t you know?) look at their energy factories, to make sure there’s no funny business going on with excess plutonium. For some reason, the U.S.A hasn’t been invited. Take that Obama, you big messiah you.
AHH, the French. Those permanently effeminate bastards have hit a new low by claiming that their mobile phones malfunctioned and caused a multitude of unwarranted “Happy New Year” texts to be sent to people in their phone books on the 31st of December.
$25 billion.
“Merde”, they might have camply exhaled, before noshing out a bulb of garlic.
This Barbarian, this Destroyer, will be sorely missed. We at BBM would like to point out we could have made a corny joke along the lines of “we hope he’ll be back”, but don’t want to seem like some desperate Junior cramming every film reference of his into a short space of text. Kindergarden Cop.
DID any of your scummy friends from North Yorkshire report posters falling off the walls or water rippling in glasses recently? Of course they didn’t.
THE SEN WILL COME OUT, TOMORROW.
That’s because an earthquake of the heady 3.6 magnitude kind hit Ripon on January 4, causing absolutely nothing to happen. An extremely lucky 21 year old from Knaresbourough took the time out to tell BBM he was thanking God that he was sitting on cushions at the time, which shielded him from most of the blows.
FEEL like helping Maoist rebels out by setting them up a few bank accounts and passing along a few messages this new year? Don’t. otherwise you may be forced to seek political asylum, the trickiest of all asylums, like the wife of Mr. Good Guy / Dr. Binayak Sen.
The jailed Indian activist’s wife recently used the English tongue to a height not readily reached by English people themselves and stated that the “only recourse left for [her] is to go to some embassy of a liberal, democratic country and ask for political asylum.” Even her landlord “in Maharashtra was called up by police and made aware of my antecedents”. The swines! Amnesty International has yet again elbowed its way in and claimed the reports where manufactured and “unfiar”. BBM wishes they’d do us a favour and manufacture themselves out of every bloody news story.
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SOAPS CORONATION ST. FEELING down, Sally goes to see Tyrone to talk about how they’ve both been let down. However, when they go to say goodbye the moment soon turns to passion and they kiss. The next day Tyrone slips out and Kevin realizes something is going on, getting a taste of his own medicine. He accuses her of having an affair, however Sally says she
no longer has to answer to him. Sally admits to her daughters that nothing else happened apart from a kiss, so Kevin takes matters into his own hands and lays into Tyrone, leaving Sally feeling guilty that he’s received a beating. The police visit Steve and question him about the attack on Tracy, and also question Becky on their row. It looks like we’re about to find out who really did it when the police visit Tracy, who has just woken up in hospital, and she confirms that she has a clear memory about the attack.
EastEnders
THERE’S a whirlwind of grief and confusion in the square this week following baby “Tommy’s” death. Kat is in a complete zombie state and, having seen the baby’s body in the hospital, she says that it is not her baby.
Back at Ronnie’s she panics when there is a knock at the door and a police car has pulled up outside, but Jack assures her that it is just routine. When the social worker notes that baby “James” has lost
Who did it?
a lot of weight and now has a clubfoot that wasn’t noted when he was born, Ronnie is sure her game is up, but how long will she manage to keep up the act before someone twigs that she has swapped the babies?
When Bianca and Liam ask Tiffany why she is acting strange, they’re all shocked to learn that the youngster saw Carol and Conor kissing. What will the backlash be when they find out that he’s been sleeping with her grand daughter as well?
Keith accuses Sarah of trying to seduce his brother. Sarah hatches a plan to get back at Keith while Finn and Keith come to blows. Dolores has mixed emotions when she has contact from a donor organisation about her daughter’s organs. Pete offers Dolores a shoulder to cry on, and makes his move as Wayne and Dolores fight about her personal life, driving Wayne out of the apartment.
TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP
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HOLLYOAKS + IT looks like the clock is ticking for the McQueens as Kyle’s trial is fast approaching. New copper Ethan seems a little suspicious of Carmel and Theresa when he mentions that Kyle is still pinning Calvin’s murder on Theresa Will Theresa go down for what she’s done at the trial? Meanwhile, there’s a new hottie in town and it turns out to be Duncan’s sister. Heidi takes Jason to the transgender clinic and she meets
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a girl called Tamara who has had a sex change. There is a clear bond between the two. However during Jason’s interview with the counsellor, Heidi does not seem supportive at all and is made to leave the room. Carl takes Jason to meet the head master and explain that he has left Jasmine behind, while Eva takes it upon herself to distribute a letter amongst the students about Jason and his condition, which leads to bullying.
Emmerdale
DAVID convinces Pollard to tell Val the truth but she insists she doesn’t want to listen and has moved into the pub, convinced he killed his first wife. Later, Pollard forces Val to listen and breaks down as he admits he would have killed Elizabeth if the plane hadn’t.
in together and have a proper family again.
However, he soon realizes that she is doing it for the wrong reasons. How will Ryan react to the news? And Leyla worries how Jacob will react if he finds out that she is his real mother.
Val is shocked to her core and tells Pollard to get out. After some research she realizes that he is telling the truth but she is still adamant that she wants nothing to do with him. Meanwhile, Jai warns Nikhil off Maisie, he then proposes to her. She accepts and tells Will that they’re going to move
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GOSSIP STRICTLY NO DANCING ROBBIE Williams has decided to throw his toys out of the pram in preparations for the new Take That reunion tour, refusing to join in with their dance routines. Williams (pictured), who joined back with the band last year, slammed their upbeat dance moves that shot the group to stardom by saying they’re “silly”. I think he’s forgetting it’s those “silly” moves that made him the egotistical pop prince we’ve grown to love and loathe. The dance diss has put a dampener on the group’s live return as Howard and Jason were planning to do their trademark head spins and break-dancing. Piano man Gary
was also set to bust out a hip shimmy in preparation for the show, providing he doesn’t break it in the process. Sources say: “Rob’s put a dampener on things with this attitude. Fans want the tour to be like the good old days. Fair enough they might not be able to do all the back-breaking routines, but a wave and a cheesy grin alone just won’t cut it.” Rob, please, get off your high horse, get over yourself! Time to rewatch Rock DJ on DVD, you aren’t wellknown for your picture-perfect dance moves, buddy.
MOODY SPICE WHAT’S with all the snobs and snubs going into the new year? BBM might have to apologise to Mel B as she’s been replaced by Victoria Beckham as our leastfavourite Spice Girl. Posh has refused to perform with the rest of the group (pictured) at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics, despite David’s encouragement. Vic feels like she has moved on from singing,
and ‘doesn’t feel she’s a good enough performer to go back there again all these years on’. It’s true, it has been so long since the reunion tour of 2008. We think she’s a right twat as not all the other Spice’s married a world famous footballer. Judging by Mel B’s reality show, the others could probably do with the cash boost.
KELLY’S TWIT-FIGHT IT must be fun being an Osbourne family member at times. They clearly do not give a shit about their public personas as they continue to publicly exercise their mental personalities, all the while keeping us entertained with their insane shenanigans. Then there’s Aimee, who remains blurred and left out after refusing to take part in the reality show. We bring to your attention exhibit A - recovering alcoholic drug user Kelly (picture) going completely Tits McGee at her ex
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on Twitter. We all know that love makes you mental, but Jesus, where is her publicist? Our favourite has to be the following masterpiece; “Luke Worrall is the biggest piece of shit. He has been trying to get back with me. I only came home for Christmas to see him, meanwhile he has been fucking hundreds of girls as well as men behind my back. All he did was use me! All girls beware of Luke Worral, the using c***!
MOST of us commoners would’ve been pretty pleased with an iPod for Christmas, especially since BBM’s lone gift last year was David Hasselhoff’s Greatest Hits. Well, Kate Moss has managed to upstage all who have ever received an MP3 player as a gift. Kate’s Cotwald’s cottage sure was rocking on Christmas Day when her boyfriend, Kill’s guitarist Jamie Hince, unveiled a £50,000 rare 1960’s Wurlitzer jukebox featuring all her favourites songs including the ones she has sung on. That’s a terrible joke we must’ve missed in the Christmas cracker - Kate Moss singing? Good thing she’s smoking hot.
HOLLYWOOD insiders have claimed that Kevin Federline is not marrying his longtime girlfriend Victoria Prince because he would have to give up his spousal support from ex-wife Britney Spears. A snoop for Federline told Star Magazine that “[Britney] pays spousal support until he remarries. If he does, his income would go way down.” Currently K-Fed receives $20,000 in spousal support and an additional $15,000 in child support each month. It’s a tough life being a Dlister these days. “If he wed Victoria and she ever divorced him, then he’d have given up much of Britney’s dough and have to pay Victoria support,” said the insider, adding that “He cares about her, but he cares more about how much better off his bank account is if he stays unmarried.” That’s the wannabe rapper that BBM knows and loves! Thankfully for Brit, $35,000 a month is pocket change ever since she’s been looking after her own hairdressing.
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GOSSIP HEFNER? WE DON’T EVEN KNOW HER! WE can’t quite work out whether Hugh Hefner makes us feel sick or inspired.
The 84-year-old Playboy founder (pictured) recently popped the question to 24year-old Crystal Harris, who has featured on The Girls of the Playboy Mansion. He clearly took her age into consideration when he popped the engagement ring in a Little Mermaid music box, as he still likes to enjoy all things Ariel, Sebastian and Flounder related.
gave her much of an option, Harris said, “We were up in the bedroom and my favourite movie is The Little Mermaid, so he had the ring in a Little Mermaid box, and that was so special. I opened it and the first thing he said to me was, ‘I hope it fits!’” Not the first time he’s said that, we presume.
You know you want to, we’re good with magazines!
ALEX’S A RIGHT TWIT
First there was Alex Reid (pictured) on Celebrity Big Brother, then Jordan Idol, now we might need to schedule an emergency version of The Bachelorette for dear Katie. On Twitter this week, she wrote: “To answer my fans questions... News of the World did a accurate story about our marriage in crises”
She’s finally split up with Macaulay Culkin after eight years together. Don’t worry, we didn’t realise they were dating either. Please form an orderly queue and go for the sympathetic friend maneuver. Yes, we are aware we are arseholes.
Erm, congratulations we guess. Actually... Hugh, we’ll marry you if you include us in your will.
Naturally she said yes, but it’s not like he
OH, how we missed Katie Price over BBM’s Christmas break.
GOOD news to any male Mila Kunis fans and really, what male isn’t a Mila Kunis fan?
Oh dear, Katie’s marriage is in crises! Wait, it’s in what exactly? This comes after a survey of people who own Katie’s fitness DVD revealed that 41% weren’t satisfied with it. The respondants felt much better about their body after watching the music video for Mysterious Girl on repeat, the morons.
BONKERS old Dizzee Rascal has his Christmas priorities in order - he flew his mum to Miami for Christmas and then sent her home early so he could party. Brilliant! The rapper has been staying at the Loews Hotel where a “Mum and me getaway” package with sea views starts at around $500 a night. However, Drake, Lil’ Wayne and Nicki Minaj were in town so Dizzee shipped Mother Rascal out so he could celebrate New Years with his buddies. It’s not that bad, BBM’s mother is still at the airport waiting for us to come home... she’s been there since 2002.
A SWIFT HOOKUP
TAYLOR Swift has broken up with Jake Gyllenhaal who, we should remind you, was around 40 years older than her (pictured). Jake is the latest step on Taylor’s relationship latter - following in the footsteps of Joe Jonas, Lucas Till (Hannah Montana Movie), Taylor Lautner and John Mayer. She’s really stepping up from D-Listers to A-Listers isn’t she? Watch out Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt is next.
Now we know that Taylor loves her breakup songs based on her celebrity conquests. We also know that she’s a huge fan of BBM, so we’d
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like to help her out with her new musical masterpiece. Gyllenhaal Until He Falls by Taylor Swift & BBM His name was Jake, But he never shared his steak. Or his milkshake, His name was Jake. I thought Taylor was a fake, but this one takes the cake. He didn’t take me to the lake, Foolish, Foolish Jake. Oh what does it take, For me to avoid the mistake, Like dating guys such as Jake.
WHEN it comes to the Goody family, the apple doesn’t seem to fall far from the tree - even when you’re not related by blood. Jack Tweed has been arrested after a brawl broke out outside a bar in Chigwell. Under damage control, his publicist said that “he did go outside to see what was happening and became involved in a scuffle. He was not charged with anything and I believe CCTV is being reviewed.”
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Discover an all-Aussie animal experience set in the heart of Sydney’s Darling Harbour! Meet Rex, one of the world’s largest crocodiles; get up close to iconic kangaroos; have your photo with a koala; meet wombats, reptiles, butterflies, bilbies, quolls, even a cassowary - it’s one of the world’s largest animal encounters under one roof! Aquarium Pier Darling Harbour, Sydney. Open daily 9am - 5pm
Sydney’s iconic golden tower - standing 250 metres (820 feet) above the city streets, you can view breathtaking Sydney in all its glory, day or night! Experience OzTrek an amazing virtual reality ride across Australia; and step out onto Skywalk, Sydney’s highest adventure, for unique 360 degree views over glittering Sydney and beyond. Centrepoint Podium Level, 100 Market St, Sydney. Open daily 9am - 10:30pm
Dive into Oceanworld Manly with huge sharks, giant turtles, rays, tropical fish and more, with interactive shows every day including shark and fish feeds, and tunnel tours. First time divers can take the plunge with a Shark Dive Xtreme experience, and look out for kids holiday programs including Mermaid Camps and Kids Snorkel Adventures. West Esplanade, Manly, Sydney Open 10am to 5.30pm
THE WRAP
WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE
FILM
DIRTY SANCHEZ GET your house shoes on, Roger Sanchez has announced his ‘Release Yourself 10th Anniversary National Australian Tour.’ 21st January: Melbourne, Trak 22nd January: Sydney, Kink 25th January: Gold Coast, Platinum 28th January: Brisbane, Electric Playground
POISON IVY TV Rock will jet into The Ivy this Australia Day to headline a huge homegrown line up of over 20 DJ’s & performers for this extra special event across the stunning Ivy courtyard, Lounge & Den. BBM have tickets to give away, visit bbmlive.com for details. Date: Wednesday 26th January, 2pm Where: The Ivy, Sydney Cost: From $30
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LOVE & OTHER DRUGS
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TRUE GRIT
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$87
TRON LEGACY
$19
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HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE
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FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.
ESTABLISHING his roots in the late 90’s with jungle on the club scene, Brazilian DJ Marky has spent the past few years spreading his music all over the globe, becoming a much revered DJ worldwide. Date: Friday 21st January Where: Manning Bar, Sydney Cost: $38
ON BBMLIVE.COM THIS WEEK ‘MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY’ Alex Berwick takes us through the best albums of the year and gives us his unique run down on all things music. “Normally I don’t buy into the thought process that people have to be nice in order for us to enjoy their work. Nothing about ‘Fantasy’ is conventional and to understand it you have to surrender to one irrepressible fact. Kanye West is a total moron.”
COMPETITIONS IN Sarah’s Key, Julia Jarmond (Kristin Scott-Thomas), an American journalist who’s been living in France for 20 years, investigates the terrible rounding up of Parisian Jews and their incarceration in the bicycle stadium, Vel’d’Hiv, during the Nazi occupation of France. Thanks to Madman Entertainment, BBM has ten double passes to give away.
AFTER a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area’s new razor-toothed residents. Thanks to Roadshow Entertainment, BBM has five DVD copies of Piranha to give away.
THANKS to Schick, BBM is wellequipped to help our male readers achieve a fresh start in 2011.
FROM the writers of Saw IV, V and VI, The Collector tells the tale of an ex-convict who plots a heist at his new employer’s home.
We have a bunch of Schick Hydro 3 and Hydro 5 razors to give away - and if you’re lucky you may score some extra goodies to help you celebrate Schick’s ‘Unexpected Burst of Hydro.’
In Solomon Kane, an exmercenary of Queen Elizabeth I embarks on an epic quest, facing his older brother who he left disfigured and for dead.
The Hydro 5 razors are available in stores right now.
Thanks to Roadshow, BBM has five copies of each to give away.
TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/COMPETITIONS.HTML 24
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REVIEW MORNING GLORY CAST
DIRECTOR
RELEASED
Harrison Ford Rachel McAdams
Roger Michell
January 6
(Notting Hill)
In Cinemas (M)
THE latest from Brit Roger Michell tackles Breakfast telly - you know, your Sunrise, Today and GMTV. As Oasis once asked, What’s the Story Morning Glory? I’m glad you asked. Becky (McAdams) is hired to produce Daybreak, a failing breakfast show with a conceited host (Diane Keaton) and no viewers. Becky hires a veteran news reporter (Ford) as co-host and things go haywire from there. This is the perfect role for Ford, he’s grumpy and arrogant as hell - just like you’d expect him to be in real life. I may be biased as somebody
INTERVIEW BBM aren’t expecting you to remember the name, although she did win Australian Idol in 2007. Like all decent Idol contestants, she has waited until the time was right, revamped her image and introduced us to Tune In Tokyo - a partnership with producer Paul Brandoli. They’ve released the track, Dreamer, which is available on iTunes right now. BEN HARLUM caught up with Natalie to discuss the new image and new track. You’ve returned with a bit of a splash, how would you describe Tune In Tokyo? How do I describe it... Tune In Tokyo is electro so everything will be under that umbrella and within that genre.
RATING
working in the media, but the ridiculous world of breakfast is a real laugh. From fake crowds to the unsuspecting weatherman, nothing is sacred in the quest for ratings and it makes for a fun watch. The main weakness is the unnecessary love story that brings the movie down. It really doesn’t benefit the main plot of the film and it would’ve been fun to see more crazy television antics instead. Grumpy old Harrison is the highlight here in a fun popcorn flick. The love story is a drag but hey, you get halfnaked shots of McAdams so it’s not all bad - right? Ben Harlum
natalie gauci: tuned in
I’m more jazzy pop. You put that together and you get this smokey, dance vocal. Paul gets to sit behind the desk and produce, but he has a lot of diva in him. I’m part of his persona while he hides behind me, I think he could be more of a diva than me. [laughs] How did you meet him? We were at a barbeque or a party I think, and you answer and ask the usual questions - ‘What do you do?’ ‘I’m a singer’, ‘Oh I’m a producer’ - so it went from there really.
Do you have the same influences and tastes in music? Paul and I come from two totally different backgrounds. He’s very dance-based while
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INTERVIEW
the hitmaker
After a bunch of your favourite television shows, or before a killer film, there’s that shot of the road followed by a lightning bolt hitting a tree. That logo means that Jerry Bruckheimer at the helm - the man responsible for producing hits such as Armageddon, Pirates of the Caribbean, CSI, The Amazing Race, Beverly Hills Cop and countless more. His latest project is The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, a fun, self-referential popcorn film starring Nicolas Cage. BBM caught up with Jerry on the eve of the film’s DVD and Blu-Ray release.
What inspired you to do this project? Why make this type of film now? I love contemporary stories that have a magical element. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice takes the traditional film about magic further in that it starts in the past and comes full circle to modern times. What can audiences expect from this film? I think this film is like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in that there’s something for everybody. When you have such wonderful actors like Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel and Alfred Molina, you just love watching them on the screen because you never know what they’re going to pull off. They are all very exciting and unpredictable. What’s the process like, being a producer on a major motion picture? The set is really run by the director. As a producer you are there to facilitate what the director, the actors and the crew need. You keep an eye on the overall picture. A producer makes sure that the ship is sailing the same course that we originally set out to sail. Sometimes you get waylaid a little bit, but in general the producer’s job is to just try to
keep it straight. Even after all your success, do you still get nervous? I’m always nervous. I am especially nervous when a film opens because I never really know how audiences will react. The audience knows - I don’t know. My greatest reward is watching an audience enjoy what we do—seeing the look on their faces when it really works. That’s the exciting thing, because then you know you have done your job. Surely you’ve worked with every actor in Hollywood over your career? I can’t begin to name all the fantastic actors that I have not worked with yet, there are too many to count. Hopefully we will develop material they will want to do. For example, Jake Gyllenhaal is somebody I wanted to work with for a long time and I finally got the chance to work with him on Prince of Persia. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice hits DVD and BluRay on January 12th.
the hi hit tGIRL BBM’s own BEN HARLUM managed to catch up with Teresa Palmer, one of the stars of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. While she did date Russell Brand in 2008, she has made a name for herself starring in films such as Bedtime Stories and The Grudge 2.
having the year of his life working in all these films... Yeah, Jay’s all over the place at the moment - in every movie, on the cover of every magazine. He’s a great guy, throws in a whole lot of unscripted humour and is just a lovable guy to work with.
What do you think the dynamic is between your and Jay’s characters? I think there’s something really beautiful in the relationship between them, in that she really inspires him to embrace the idea that he’s a nerd. I think there’s something really refreshing about his character.
What was it like stepping into this blockbuster Hollywood world after working in Australian film? It’s always a pretty difficult transition but I love working on big-budget films. It’s very different to working in Australia but I’m really happy to be back here, working on a film called Say Nothing alongside Joel Edgerton.
What was it like working with Jay, he’s
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INTERVIEWS THE BAMBOOS Lance Ferguson is modest about his band’s achievements. Admitting “I initially didn’t have grand plans for the band,” it could be said that as The Bamboos approach their first decade, Ferguson and his comrades are effortlessly Australia’s most successful modern Funk & Soul band. Having started out as a quartet gigging at The Night Cat in Fitzroy, by 2001 they had funded their own 7”. Looking back on those initial baby steps, Ferguson concedes “when I independently released our first record and it got the response it did, I guess I first realised there was something in it.” As is the way of the world, what started as mates gigging soon grew into much more. Having clearly enjoyed the ride, Ferguson lets on “these things seem to take on a life of their own sometimes and then you just scramble to deal with it.” Soon enough The Bamboos found
themselves signed to UK label Tru Thoughts and started to spend more of their time on the road throughout Europe. It was whilst on the road that an idea slapped Ferguson on the back. “When we toured Europe for the first time as an instrumental band to some really good crowds I was thinking - this is crazy! Imagine what it will be like with a singer.” Before they could click their fingers, Kylie Auldist had been signed up to take on the vocals and The Bamboos were finally ready for world domination, with their music being featured on everything from Ugly Betty through to Packed To the Rafters. With a series of gigs to celebrate their tenth birthday, Ferguson feels “the music has evolved a lot so it will be interesting to see how the old stuff sounds next to the newer material. I think we’re going to have to take a band vote on a few things.” PHOTOS & INTERVIEW: JEREMY WILLIAMS
TOUR DATES: Bamboos: Jan 14, Prince Bandroom Melbourne
DJ MARKY You are regarded as a drum and bass innovator... Well, I don’t think I’m an innovator as such. I just enjoy playing and writing musi c. Who would you regard as inspi ration, musically? There are so many people. Elect ric Light Orchestra, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzg erald... A lot of Brazilian artists like Jorge Ben, Cesar Camargo Mariano... So many. Stevi e Wonder, Marvin Gaye, The Doors. A lot of different types of music inspire me. How did you get your break into the DJ’ing scene? The first time was when a lot of DJ’s used to play commercial music here in Brazi l and I showed the people a different style of music - rave music. After 2 years I heard jungle, so I started playing it when no one else was, so that was my second break. Then the third time was when I book ed Brian Gee in Brazil, he saw me play and he
DJ Marky and Stamina MC: Jan 21, Manning Bar Sydney
said ‘you have to play in UK’- it was really daunting! You have been around for som e time now, is there a particular club or gig you have played that stands out? There isn’t really one. If I play and there’s a good crowd and it’s a good vibe, for me that’s the most important thing. There are so many clubs I’ve playe d at all over the world that are amazing - if the people are happy and the vibe is good, then its fantastic. Who has been the biggest supp ort to you over the years? My fans! The people who listen to my music, buy my tunes, and most impo rtantly come out to see me play. If you weren’t conquering the DJ scene, what do you think you would be doing? When I was younger, I wanted to be a fireman! [laughs] I would still be involved in music, somehow. INTERVIEW: DEBORAH JACKSON
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WHAT’S ON SYDNEY
THE Groundbreaking comedian Mike Birbiglia is ready to share a bunch of artfully crafted stories about his wonderful, yet awkward, life. Where: Seymour Centre When: January 13 - 16
‘BRIEFS’ slams together a disorderly line up of Brisbane’s finest performers and mischief makers in a circus-infused variety show for the not-so-faint-hearted.
Where: State Theatre When: January 14th, 7.30 & 12am
MORE than 20 of the world’s best singers and musicians have been captured performing on film for this compelling, large-scale video installation.
Where: Opera House When: Jan 4 - 15 (except 8, 10th) Cost: $39
Where: Sydney Town Hall When: January 14 - 23 Cost: $15
30-PLUS years since ABBA’s first live performance in Australia on that wet evening at the Sydney Showgrounds, ABBA will return to Sydney in the first official exhibition about the 1970’s global pop sensation.
EDDIE Perfect, Helpmann Awardwinning comedian, composer and performer brings his latest darkly satirical musical work to The Sydney Festival.
Where: Powerhouse Museum When: 10am to 5pm Daily
THIS will be just one of two exclusive album launch shows for Gypsy and the Cat this month. For the other, visit page 36. Where: Oxford Art Factory When: Thursday January 13th Cost: $19
YOU AM I will help celebrate the end of an era at Manly Fisho’s when they farewell the venue before it closes down next month. Where: Manly Fisho’s When: Saturday January 15th Cost: $29
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ONE of the most influential composers of our time, Philip Glass, breathes new life into the classic 1931 Dracula film with a live performance of his own score, rich in thrills and loaded with suspense.
Where: The Famous Spiegeltent When: Jan 9, 11, 12, 13-16, 18-23, 25-30 Cost: From $25
THE free Movies by the Boulevard are picking up steam this week. 14th Jan: Alice in Wonderland 15th Jan: Toy Story 3 16th Jan: Sherlock Holmes Where: Sydney Olympic Park
THE Complete Stone Roses are one of the UK’s most well known, most seen and most successful tribute bands. This will be a special two hour performance playing the classic album The Stone Roses in full - plus more. Where: Selina’s Coogee Bay Hotel When: Friday January 28th
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Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground
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MELBOURNE NEWS A SWEET NEW SCAM
A sweet-toothed lolly-shop loving bandit is still at large in the foothills of Melbourne because fat bastard police officers are too slow to catch him. That’s BBM’s take on it anyway. The police reckon he keeps getting away because he’s super fast, but what’s more likely? That a bloke who’s been eating stolen lollies, chocolate bars and ice creams since December 7th is at the peak of physical fitness? Or that coppers have just been munching on too many doughnuts over Christmas and can’t run for more than a 30 seconds without collapsing in a sweaty, wheezing heap.
“He’s got a very sweet tooth,” said Superintendent Jeff Forti of suspect James D’Zilva, while gorging on a chicken leg. “He’s regularly committing burglaries we allege and on nearly all occasions he steals sweet things, ice-creams etc.” On Christmas Eve, D’Zilva targeted a bakery in Yarra Glen, while two weeks ago he allegedly smashed the front window of the Panton Hill General Store and stole
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chocolate bars.
Last week D’Zilva, who has wild hair tangled into dreadlocks, was spotted acting suspiciously in the Olinda Sweet Company shop in Sassafras. “At one point there I was almost convinced we had him,” said detective Forti, while sucking the chicken grease from his fingers and unbuttoning the top button on his trousers. “We had a member who was chasing him and from what I was able to monitor I think he was certainly within sight and I got the impression that he was getting close to reaching out for him, but was unable to sustain it and he continued on and got away. “We then had dog squad units in the area and other specialist resources and searched the area but again, he’s extremely elusive. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
IN AN early entry to 2011’s Mother of The Year award, a 26-year-old Doncaster woman was caught drink driving with six children in the backseat of her unregistered fourwheel-drive this week. The reason she was caught? She was spotted driving through a red light. Oh, and she doesn’t have a driving license. And the car was officially classed as unroadworthy. And only one of the kids was wearing a seatbelt. Good work love.
*** IT’S been a wacky few weeks in the world of weird lethal weapon attacks in Melbourne. There’s the teenage skateboarder from St Kilda who was slashed with a meat cleaver, a bloke in a Melbourne hotel who was seen attacking a car with a tomahawk and a nutjob in Croydon West who went around stabbing people with syringes. Whatever happened to Mr Plum in the conservatory with a candlestick? Oh, for simpler times.
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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE
SINCE graduating from the West Australian Academy of Performing Arts, Chelsea Plumley has built up a phenomenal reputation on the musical theatre circuit, with everything from Rizzo in Grease through to Red in Everything’s F***ed filling her overloaded CV.
with a musical twist as she takes to stage at South Melbourne’s intimate Butterfly Club. Known as a performer who pushes herself to the limit, Plumley’s solo set will no doubt be truly unforgettable.
Having spent an extended period on the West End, Plumley is back on home turf and is turning her head to comedy
When: Tuesday 11 January Where: The Butterfly Club, 204 Bank Street, South Melbourne Cost: $10
GIVEN that you will no doubt walk past the Australian Centre For The Moving Image (ACMI) a good couple of times during your stay, BBM suggests you take all of ten minutes out of your tourist trail to pop in and see Bill Viola’s The Raft. Fair play, Viola may well be an American artist, but given his standing as a pioneer of video art, this is an ideal opportunity to see his celebrated
2004 exploration of destruction and survival - for free! To us, that sounds too good to be missed out on. When: Until 20 February Where: ACMI, Federation Square Cost: Free
WHILST Empire Of The Sun introduced the world to the strong psychedelic movement that Australia is home to, but Melbourne founded, London based duo Gypsy & The Cat take the psychedelic and fuse fruitfully with a folk edge meaning that they tick nearly every box needed to ensure superstardom.
on the shelves, this is the perfect opportunity to catch Lionel Towers and Xavier Bacash before they really breakout and the big time. When: 14 January 2011 Where: The Hi-Fi, 125 Swanston Street, Melbourne Cost: $17
With their debut album, Gilgamesh, still fresh
WORRY not – Noizy Neighbours is not the Neighbours tour nor Alan Fletcher’s weekly Monday performances in St Kilda but rather a rather techno-tastic club night at Room 680. You may well have noticed by now that it is summer and though being stuck in a dark room full of sweaty people may not seem the most appealing of thoughts, Noizy Neighbours
is without doubt one of Melbourne’s greatest club nights. So if you want to party like the locals then you best head on down. Deodorant recommended. When: Thursday 13 January Where: Room 680 Level 1, 680 Glenferrie Road, Hawthorn Cost: $15-20
WITH the Brits dominating the Ashes and proving their cricketing expertise, this insight into the scandalously charged Australian legend Shane Warne is unmissable. Whilst Warney may now be a teasing talkshow host who has copped off with none other than Hugh’s ex, there is little doubt that Warne is one of the sport’s most fascinating figures.
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Surprisingly honest in his approach, “Cricket Found Me” is a frank trip down memory lane looking at both his career highs and lows. Shot in 3D it feels almost as if Warney is in the room with you – so watch your wives and girlfriends! Where: National Sports Museum, MCG
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MELBOURNE FEATURE WHEN you hear that Melbourne ranked near the top of the world’s most livable cities, a cold chill runs down your spine. Whilst the judges were no doubt accurate in their assessment, with Melbourne boasting a temperate climate and small town city feel, it would not have ranked so high if it did not have the amenities that set the best cities out from the rest. So we decided to take a moment to have a look at some of Melbourne’s biggest pulling points. In our last week, we check out the Botanic Gardens, Theatre and Arts!
ROYAL BOTANIC GARDENS From the swampland it was 150 years ago to 36 hectares of strange and wonderful horticultural heaven, Melbourne’s Royal Botanic Gardens is not just a pretty walk for a sunny day. Featuring a tropical hothouse, an observatory, a herbarium, the aboriginal heritage walk, a childrens garden and even a reconstructed volcano with a complicated name (Guilfoyle’s Volcano), these gardens are internationally acclaimed and, to be honest, just fascinating. Covering the south bank of Melbourne’s Yarra River less than 2 kilometres from the city it is a great place to stay if you like leafy surroundings and exploring whilst having everything else nearby. There is always a wedding or picnic, while every family in and around Melbourne celebrates a reunion, Christmas or family birthday there at some point. Although there are so many visitors, it never seems too crowded. For you travelling photographers, the 50,000 species of plant from all around the globe provide a wet dream of picturesque micro or macroscopic imagery and for you young couples the making out opportunities are endless and exciting.
THEATRE & ARTS
As the arts capital of Australia, it is impossible to talk about Melbourne without mentioning the easy access to some of the strongest, cutting edge theatre. For those who like to keep in the mainstream, the stunning Arts Centre boasts three distinct performance venues, but a trip down to the Malthouse on the Southbank is a necessity for anyone who wants to experience the real heart of Australian theatre - their innovative productions in intimate spaces will blow your mind away. Equally essential is a look at the array of fringe theatre available in a manner of performance areas. One of our favourites is fortyfivedownstairs which not only hosts a diverse selection of theatre and performance art, but is home to two intriguing gallery spaces.
You will never be deemed a nerd for visiting the gardens, it can be a cheap day out and, if the Melbourne sun is shining, a tour or just a wander through is an excellent way to utilise the light hours before heading back into the city for a party. Also worth a mention is the Ford Fiesta Moonlight Cinema, holding night viewings until March. Bring a picnic blanket, some plastic glasses and a nice bit of cheese and bread and lie under the stars to watch new release, classic or cult movies for a great night out.
And here are two of BBM’s recommendations for an ace Melbourne getaway. SurfShack is an accredited surf school which also hires boards and wetsuits. Lessons from $50 for 2 hours SurfShack Surf School Lake Entrance 507 Esplanade 03 5155 4933 SurfShack Surf School Mallacoota 41 Maurice Avenue Phone: 03 5158 0909
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Apollo Bay Backpackers Lodge brings Luxury accommodation at backpacker rates to the Great Ocean Road. 23 Pascoe Street Apollo Bay Phone: 1800 157 280 0413 504 402 (03) 5237 7850 Fax: 03 523 77385 apollobaybackpackerslodge .com.au
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WHAT’S ON PERTH
THE music of Health is a celebration of sound; pretty, harsh, soft and basked in a blanket of ethereal vocals. They have turned the dancefloor filthy again and it’s going to be a noisy summer, playing the Sydney Festival and touring nationwide.
FOLLOWING sold-out performances throughout North America and Europe, Symphonicity finds Sting performing his greatest hits, re-imagined for symphonic arrangement, featuring the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra.
When: Friday January 14th Where: The Bakery - Artrage Complex
When: Saturday, January 22nd Where: Sandalford Estate - Swan Valley
JOHN Waters brings his musical theatre masterpiece Looking Through a Glass Onion to Australia in a very intimate and limited season to coincide with the 30th anniversary of Lennon’s death. The show draws upon the music that Lennon wrote and sang from early Beatles material to Imagine and also draws on Lennon’s various musings, his poetry and his media interviews. When: January 14th and 15th Where: Regal Theatre Cost: $70
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FRIDAY
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB Mama Kin DURTY NELLYS Live Acoustic Entertainment ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Daren Reid and the Soul City Groove 10pm – 1:30am ROSIE O’GRADYS Dublin Rogues 9:30 til late. THE NEWPORT HOTEL Felix Fridays 7:30 – 1am DJ’s playing live rock and dance tunes. THE SHED Heaven Sent
SATURDAY
Blue Gene from 10pm THE NEWPORT HOTEL Felix Fridays 7:30 – 1am DJ’s playing live rock and dance tunes THE SHED Sexy Saturdays HOTEL ROTTNEST Saturday Night Solo
SUNDAY
THE SHED Sunday Sessions and Full Irish Breakfast and Magners for $20 ROSIE O’GRADYS Blue Gene from 10pm
MONDAY
ROSIE O’GRADYS Backpacker Night from 9pm OLD SWAN BARRACKS Speed Pool Comp
WEDNESDAY
ROSIE O’GRADYS Open Mic night THE NEWPORT HOTEL Gravity and Degraff DJ’s 8pm -1am MURPHYS IRISH PUB Karaoke OLD SWAN BARRACKS Bingo + $7 pizzas
THURSDAY
MURPHYS IRISH PUB Rockin Ronnie
DURTY NELLYS Beef wellington served with roast veggies and a pint of James Squire Amber Ale for just $22 ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Backpacker and Student Night MURPHYS IRISH PUB Superstar Karaoke Comp ROSIE O’GRADYS Fenton Wilde OLD SWAN BARRACKS Quiz night
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle
THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle
HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island
DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth
THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
BLACK BETTY’S 116 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge
ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge
ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth
OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2- 8 Francis Street, Perth
ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge
MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth
BURSWOOD DOME Great Eastern Highway, Burswood
FLY BY NIGHTCLUB Sugar Blue Review ROSEMOUNT Saturday Night Live DURTY NELLYS Red Yeti ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW Time Out the Band 10pm – 1:30am MURPHYS IRISH PUB Rockafellas ROSIE O’GRADYS
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MURPHYS IRISH PUB Trivia ROSIE O’GRADYS Video Hits and Sports Replays OLD SWAN BARRACKS Pool Comp
TUESDAY
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RECRUITMENT
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Calling all backpackers with Accounting experience – we need you NOW! We have fantastic opportunities for travellers to gain experience in international business practice with some of the world’s best companies whilst having the time of your life here in Sydney! We currently have vacancies in the following areas: • Accounts Payable • Accounts Receivable • Collections • Assistant Accountants • Accounts Data Entry Clerks • Fixed Asset Assistants You must have between 1-2 years experience in your relevant field with strong communication skills. Ideally you will have experience working with a large international ERP system and be able to commit to your full assignment. Contact Rachel Rose on 9406 5313 to discuss further.
Payroll/ HR Oflcer, Brisbane: • • • •
Milton area, close to public transport $65K - $75K + super + leave loading Friendly and supportive environment with great perks! 8:30 – 4:30pm
As an employer we have a strong focus on rewarding our employee’s. This has secured long tenures and a highly positive working environment where morning tea’s, BBQ’s and staff functions and the norm. The Payroll/ Human Resources Officer will undertake the following duties: • Full function fortnightly payroll • Competency mapping and identification of training requirements • Workplace health and safety • Maintenance and updating IR and Certified Agreement policy • Assist with recruitment/ on-boarding process • Identify better and more effective and efficient policy and procedure around employee data management • Ad hoc tasks as identified and required The ideal candidate will be degree/ Cert IV qualified or nearing completion with a minimum four years experience in a full function payroll position. Exposure to Micropay Meridian will be highly regarded as will knowledge of MYOB. Contact: Claire Williamson on 3009 6116 or email your cv to claire.williamson@accountability.com.au
Finance Support Professionals $20 – 35 per hour We are looking for experienced Accounting Support professionals who would like to join our AccountAbility 417 Red Carpet Network. If you are seeking immediate temporary employment opportunities within Melbourne and surrounding areas and have previous experience in finance we would love to hear from you! We recruit entry level to senior positions in the following areas: • Credit • Payroll • Accounts Payable • Accounts Receivable If you are travelling Australia and would like to link into our prestigious AccountAbility417 Program which will enable you to work across major cities such as Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne we would like to review your options with you. Our exclusive club will enable easy employment transition across each state as you travel Australia as well as receiving loyalty points which you can redeem for great gifts like flights, hotel accommodation, etc If you would like to apply please contact Melissa Wharton at (03) 8629 1303 and email your CV to melissa.wharton@ accountability.com.au.
AccountAbility specialises in recruiting accounting support roles. For more opportunities or to discuss your travel/work plans, please contact us on (02) 8296 5300 or email 417@accountability.com.au
www.accountability.com.au
JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other beneďŹ ts are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com
SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE. Immediate start. Full sales training. Fun working environment. Extensive travel opportunities. Call now - Sydney: (02) 9212 2668. Melbourne: (03) 9425 9444. Brisbane: (07) 3217 3307 TO ADVERTISE CALL
ON (02) 8231 7701
MELBOURNE
PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call jerry on 03 9867 6322 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555
SYDNEY NEED CASH??? North Shore promotion team needs a few outgoing extraverts who enjoy people and have “The Gift of the Gab�. If you are friendly, have a good smile and can get to work on time – join the excitement! CASH PAID EVERY NIGHT! Evening, Weekday and Sat/ Sun days. You need good English and a bright optimistic attitude. Call Dave the Coupon Guy 11am-2pm on 0402 568 680.
HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY: Bar Staff, Promo staff, admin staff etc. Do you have an outgoing personality & great presentation? Excellent pay rates with exible hours of weekdays, weekends or nights. Call or 02 8399 1768
‘ATTENTION’ Interested in working in the great Outdoors? Voted “Best Job in Sydneyâ€? for a backpacker. The Trackless Train that operates Tours through the Royal Botanic Gardens (on Sydney Harbour) is currently looking for staff. A suitable position for a female. The successful applicant will be working directly with the public so you’ll need to possess an outgoing and positive attitude. Requirements • Needs current work visa • Maturity • Full drivers licence • Reliable & Honest • Well mannered & presentable For more information, please contact Darren on 0417 001911.
CALLING ALL WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS! -Earn great money while you’re here -Be part of an international network of companies -Fun and energetic environment Jobs available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and regional areas! 02 92111022 or email jpappalardo@appcogroup.com.au www.appcogroup.com
34!2 4%-03 7!.4%$
,!"/52%23 ,ABOURERS WITH CARPENTRY JOINERY EXPERIENCE AN ADVANTAGE 7ORKING AS GENERAL LABOUR OR )NSTALLATION 'REEN CARD STEEL CAPS VISIBLE VEST HARD HAT 3END #6 TO RESUME TEMPYOURSNSW COM AU OR CALL
SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney ofďŹ ces. As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to
resumes@internode.on.net
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BBM-590 // JOB LISTINGS
ADULT EMPLOYMENT -BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV
TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/ hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies.Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat. www.club121.com.au info@club121.com.au
Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour
NO SEX
www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD
Female Masseurs Required $110 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team
92997771 (02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au
GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $110 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team
(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES 135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com
KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au
BBM-590 // JOB LISTINGS
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JOB LISTINGS
#0%:-*/& .FMCPVSOF 1$" 1$"
:&4 8& /&&% :06 #VTZ )JHI $MBTT BOE 8FMM FTUBCMJTIFE DFOUSF +VTU %SPQ JO BOE HFU TUBSUFE $BMM
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BBM-590 // JOB LISTINGS
ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840. Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms for $160 a week max 4 bed dorms, doubles and singles rooms also available $300 a week - in the heart of the city. Call 02 9211 4454 for details
DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION - Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.
MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566
BBM-590 // ACCOMMODATION
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY
SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!
JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)
THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au
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PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.
LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.
BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au
MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au
THE ROYAL HOTEL 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au
SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire
SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au
PORT STEPHENS MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com
NEWCASTLE
BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au
BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865
HUNTER VALLEY
GOLDCOAST
HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au
AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800
KATOOMBA KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!
JINDABYNE SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au
BYRON BAY AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!
ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey
NAMBUCCA HEADS NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au
LAKE TABOURIE LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie
QUEENSLAND BRISBANE TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433
TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)
COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au
CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free
GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au
GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au
NOOSA
MISSION BEACH
www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au
spbr@bigpond.net.au
CALOUNDRA CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au
MOOLOOLABA MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com
MACKAY
NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com
HERVEY BAY NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com
ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH
28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au
BBM-590 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com
WHITSUNDAYS BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
AIRLIE BEACH MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1105 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
RAINBOW BEACH PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!
DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!
WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com
PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au
ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au
www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com
MONKEY MIA TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060
MONKEY MIA MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au
BBM-590 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
KUNUNURRA KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au
VICTORIA MILDURA RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704
HALLS GAP BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.
MELBOURNE GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051 (opposite Queen Vic Market)
Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!
EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA
78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE
196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay
EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au
Australia THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS
450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.
HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au
ST. KILDA OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com
APOLLO BAY APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au
NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com
ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au
HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au
SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more
SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au
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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”
CHRISTCHURCH CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz
KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
QUEENSTOWN BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new flashpackers, now open with rave reviews.
FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER
CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz
BAY OF ISLANDS
AUCKLAND
WELLINGTON
NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com
NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefield Street Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night
$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad
NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night if you mention this ad
GREYMOUTH
KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz
KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND
DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz
THE RUSTY ANCHOR
NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fijinadibayhotel.com/ TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach
NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacific Harbour P.O.Box 416 Pacific Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com
1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz
BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz
Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww. beachcomberfiji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfiji.com www.aquariusfiji.com
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THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove
ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfiji. com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfiji.com
BBM-590 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES
SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!
SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs
SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre
Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!
SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef
SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings
NEW ZEALAND SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com
NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com
FIJI
SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’
SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA
SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers
THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au dive@fishrock.com.au World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!
NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au
SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au
FIJI SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com
TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA
YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au
JET BOATING
NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.
Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com
ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA
The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.
ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022
RAFTING
GLACIER GUIDING
AUSTRALIA
NEW ZEALAND
OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au
Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz
Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited
MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au
HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA
STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au
KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA
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KITESURF 1770 / IKO CERTIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au
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BBM-590 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE
55
CRYSTAL BALLS Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week yell into it wildly before dialling
all your money on buying
Gemini
your required number? You
booze, drugs and crayons.
Attraction to the wrong kinds
have recently received some
of people will increase over
equipment for which there
the coming weeks, including
was a manual. Please give this
Capricorn
(but not limited to) cartoon
manual a quick read so as to
You’re weak at heart and must
characters and clowns.
avoid problems later.
endeavour to become stronger
Love is like a sea full of sea
Libra
turtles. Or at least, it should
A Taxi queue may be a
be. If you’ve not experienced
surprising place for love to
Complete the sentence: “My
this then it’s time to either look
strike this week. Of course,
day will be really shitty because
elsewhere or just look harder.
you’ll be parted without getting
my boss will find out that I
Aries
each others numbers or having
surf the internet for ________
You tend to be headstrong
any chance of meeting again
hours.”
by subjecting yourself to
and deliberate in your actions.
Cancer
as they just arrived on the train
Basically you don’t give a shit
Commenting on a nearby
and don’t live anywhere near.
about anyone.
person’s “peaches” may not go
ritualistic torture.
The mental problem you’re having may subside once you relax about things.
down too well. Avoid language
Still, love can do that, can’t it?
Most people hate you, but for
with anything to do with sex or
Luck depends on the rabbit’s
some reason you couldn’t care
fruit during your lunch break.
foot you have in your hand, but
less. You’re the type of person
You may find you have to see
remember, it didn’t work for the
Aquarius
who would pull your pants
out most of the day with only
rabbit - he bled to death.
The dead are unlikely to rise
down at a wedding and swing
one eye to guide you.
from their graves this week, but
your bits around like a lasso.
this shouldn’t deter you from Your luck will run out when
Scorpio
starting your “Anti-Zombie”
You’ll meet your match when
you’re fired from your job for
Repetition may annoy you
fan club.
you run down the street
sexual harassment.
today as someone close by
screaming obscenities at
tells you the same damned
You’ll also realise your favourite
story over and over again.
attribute in a person is their
random strangers until they
Of course they gave you all the
jump you and beat you to a
signals but they were trying
pulp. You thought by calling
to tell you to fuck off and not
Repetition may annoy you
fantastic you are. Unfortunately,
them a twunt you were
asking whether you would like
today as someone close by
this hasn’t occurred since 1991.
displaying your flair and
to fuck.
tells you the same damned
creativity.
ability to tell you just how
story over and over again.
Pisces You need to show someone
Leo
Looking for a saviour is a
how ridiculous you can be
Taurus
You have an inventive mind and
commendable past-time, but
when you let your guard
Panic. Or at least flail your arms
are inclined to be progressive,
ignoring your personal hygiene
down. Some people find that
about. The future does not look
but that’s about it as far as
is a forfeit you really shouldn’t
attractive.
good, rosy, happy or full of
positives go.
have made. Unfortunately, this will result
pixies dancing and prancing.
in you hopping on the wrong
You lie a great deal, make the
56
You won’t be feeling particularly
same mistakes repeatedly, and
Sagittarius
bus home and falling asleep
lucky when you delve deep into
everyone thinks you are an
Please keep your eyes on the
on some homeless woman’s
your loved one’s most intimate
absolute arsehole.
exits. Everything you think
shoulder while she pick-
parts and find maggots, crusty
about yourself will be called
pockets your last dollar.
looking cheese and the scent of
into question this week when
Pringles. What on earth could
Virgo
you eat that nine-day-old
they have been up to?
Why not pick up the phone and
lasagne because you’ve spent
BBM-590 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
ASK CRYSTAL and ended up fulfilling one of my
What if she thinks he is bigger
all time fantasies.
and better than you?
I was in heaven and have fallen
Would you feel secure with their
like pissing my pants because
back in love with her. However,
knowing glances? If so, your old
your predicament is so funny.
my parents recently split and
man may be able to advise you
after a few drinks my dad
how best to make her squeal. A
How the hell did you get to 18
eventually spilled that part of the
good bit of family bonding could
without getting a shot? You’re
reason for the parting was that
be a threesome with babysitter
either horribly ugly or severely
my mum had caught him in bed
and father. Mum can clean up
lacking in confidence with
I REALLY need advice - my heart
with the beautiful babysitter more
afterwards.
women.
is being torn in every direction.
than once. I’m torn. Help.
Dear Crystal,
A prostitute might be an
I’M only 18 and have just arrived
option, but remember they are
in Australia. I’m a virgin and don’t
professionals and good at what
seem to have much luck with
they do, so if your first time is
women.
with a lady of the night it might
Dear Jake, I feel sorry for you, but also feel
Dear Crystal,
Christopher, Townsville
Years ago the most gorgeous big boobed girl used to baby-sit me and, needless to say, I was
Dear Christopher,
absolutely smitten. I couldn’t
OH MY, what an unfortunate love
take my pervy little eyes off her
triangle. If you really love her you
or my lusty little mitts off myself.
should try and stay with her but,
I was thinking of hiring a whore
on the other hand, would you be
because I’m just so desperate to
Imagine my delight when I
haunted by images of your father,
pop my cherry. Is this the best
However, I’m past my best
bumped into her in a bar recently
showing her who’s the daddy?
route for me?
and will offer a half-price deal.
leave you with ridiculously high
Jake, Cronulla
expectations for your next time.
Interested?
Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@what-media.com
JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS
APPARENTLY the Chuckle Brothers have only just finished opening their Christmas presents. The labelling was once again a nightmare. Dan, Richmond I bought Bonnie Tyler’s car last year on eBay. It’s fucking awful, every now and then it falls apart. Ted, Kings Cross “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Dave.” “Dave who?” Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse. Johnny, Vaucluse I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. “Well done” is rare from a medium. George, Penrith I saw a dead woman laying in a field last night so I reported it to the police. They said, “How did you find her body?” I said, “Tits were fine, her arse was too big.” Dave, Blacktown I once saw Guns N’ Roses in Tesco.
58
“That’s weird,” I thought. “Selling them on the same aisle.” Harry, Hawksbury For Christmas, my daughter asked for ‘The Michael Jackson Experience’ so I gave it to her. It wasn’t what she was expecting. James, Pyrmont I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. Jez, Brisbane I have a friend named Jay. We call him J for short. Sam, Perth MY New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it. Malcolm, Rushcutters Bay My wife asked, “How did that mark get on your cock?” He just climbed on. Terry, Surry Hills
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SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Manchester United Manchester City Arsenal Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea Sunderland Bolton Wanderers Newcastle United Blackburn Rovers Stoke City Everton Liverpool Blackpool Fulham Birmingham City West Bromwich Albion Wolverhampton Wanderers Aston Villa Wigan Athletic West Ham United
L
+/- Pts
20 22 21 21 21 22 22 21 22 21 21 20 19 21 20 21 21 21 21 22
0 4 5 5 6 5 6 9 10 10 6 9 8 7 6 11 12 10 8 10
24 17 20 6 17 3 5 3 -6 0 -2 -3 -5 -2 -5 -13 -13 -15 -15 -16
12 12 12 10 10 8 7 8 8 8 5 7 7 4 4 6 6 5 4 4
8 6 4 6 5 9 9 4 4 3 10 4 4 10 10 4 3 6 9 8
LEAGUE 1
CHAMPIONSHIP
Pl W D
44 42 40 36 35 33 30 28 28 27 25 25 25 22 22 22 21 21 21 20
Queens Park Rangers Cardiff City Norwich City Swansea City Leeds United Watford Nottingham Forest Reading Millwall Burnley Coventry City Leicester City Derby County Doncaster Rovers Hull City Barnsley Bristol City Portsmouth Ipswich Town Middlesbrough Sheffield United Crystal Palace Scunthorpe United Preston North End
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
25 25 25 26 26 24 23 25 25 24 26 26 25 23 25 24 25 24 24 25 25 25 23 24
3 8 6 9 7 7 4 6 7 7 11 11 11 7 8 9 10 10 12 13 13 14 14 15
27 10 8 6 3 12 11 10 8 6 -1 -7 4 1 -3 -5 -6 -3 -6 -9 -16 -18 -14 -18
13 13 12 13 11 11 9 9 9 9 10 10 10 9 8 9 8 8 8 7 7 7 7 5
9 4 7 4 8 6 10 10 9 8 5 5 4 7 9 6 7 6 4 5 5 4 2 4
48 43 43 43 41 39 37 37 36 35 35 35 34 34 33 33 31 30 28 26 26 25 23 19
Brighton and Hove Albion Southampton AFC Bournemouth Huddersfield Town Charlton Athletic Sheffield Wednesday Peterborough United Hartlepool United Milton Keynes Dons FC Brentford Colchester United Plymouth Argyle Oldham Athletic Notts County Exeter City Carlisle United Rochdale Swindon Town Leyton Orient Tranmere Rovers Bristol Rovers Yeovil Town Dagenham & Redbridge Walsall
LEAGUE 2
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
22 22 22 23 22 22 21 21 22 21 21 22 20 21 22 21 21 22 21 21 21 21 21 21
3 7 6 9 6 9 8 7 10 8 4 8 5 10 9 7 7 8 8 10 9 11 11 14
22 17 16 7 4 12 1 -3 -4 1 0 -3 3 1 -7 5 3 -2 -2 -8 -14 -15 -14 -20
12 11 10 11 9 10 10 9 10 9 7 8 7 9 8 7 7 7 7 7 5 5 4 5
7 4 6 3 7 3 3 5 2 4 10 6 8 2 5 7 7 7 6 4 7 5 6 2
Chesterfield Rotherham United Wycombe Wanderers Port Vale Bury Shrewsbury Town Cheltenham Town Crewe Alexandra Gillingham Bradford City Torquay United Oxford United Stevenage Football Club Northampton Town Southend United Macclesfield Town Burton Albion Accrington Stanley Aldershot Town Morecambe Stockport County Lincoln City Hereford United Barnet
43 37 36 36 34 33 33 32 32 31 31 30 29 29 29 28 28 28 27 25 22 20 18 17
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
21 21 22 22 21 21 22 21 22 22 21 22 21 22 21 22 21 21 21 21 23 20 22 23
3 3 4 5 6 5 7 5 8 10 6 9 6 9 9 10 8 6 8 9 10 11 11 14
19 16 10 9 13 12 1 15 0 -5 7 -2 5 -7 -1 -8 2 -2 -7 -5 -23 -14 -17 -18
12 11 11 11 10 9 9 8 8 9 7 8 6 7 7 7 6 5 6 6 5 5 4 5
6 7 7 6 5 7 6 8 6 3 8 5 9 6 5 5 7 10 7 6 8 4 7 4
42 40 40 39 35 34 33 32 30 30 29 29 27 27 26 26 25 25 25 24 23 19 19 19
EUROPEAN LEAGUES
FOCUS ON... SERIE A JUST to underline BBM’s constant ridiculing of Rafa Benitez, his replacement at Inter Milan, Leonardo, has got off to a flying start. The defending Serie A champions spanked high-flying rivals Napoli 3-1 to hand Leonardo, the former AC Milan boss and ninja turtle, a happy debut. It’s not exactly sparked an Inter title shot, though, as they’re still a massive 13 points being AC Milan, albeit with two games in hand. Meanwhile, the league leaders are cruising away with it after recording a 1-0 away win at Cagliari while nearest rivals Lazio were held to a scoreless draw at Genoa.
SERIE A AC Milan Lazio Napoli AS Roma Juventus Palermo Internazionale Udinese Sampdoria Genoa Parma Chievo Catania Bologna Cagliari Fiorentina Cesena Brescia Lecce Bari
LA LIGA
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
18 18 18 18 18 18 16 18 17 17 18 18 18 18 18 17 17 18 18 18
3 4 5 4 3 6 4 8 4 7 6 7 7 6 8 7 9 11 11 10
17 8 7 4 12 10 8 2 2 -2 -3 -2 -6 -7 2 -1 -8 -10 -19 -14
12 10 10 9 8 9 7 8 5 6 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 4 4 3
3 4 3 5 7 3 5 2 8 4 7 6 6 7 5 5 3 3 3 5
39 34 33 32 31 30 26 26 23 22 22 21 21 21 20 20 18 15 15 14
FC Barcelona Real Madrid Villarreal CF Valencia CF RCD Espanyol Atlético Madrid Getafe CF Athletic Bilbao RCD Mallorca Sevilla FC Real Sociedad Deportivo La Coruña Hércules CF Racing Santander Osasuna Málaga CF Levante UD Real Zaragoza UD Almería Sporting Gijón
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17
1 1 3 4 7 6 7 8 7 8 9 6 8 8 8 11 10 8 8 9
43 28 18 6 -5 8 3 -3 -1 -5 -5 -5 -7 -10 -6 -14 -9 -12 -12 -12
15 14 11 9 9 8 8 8 7 7 7 5 5 5 4 5 4 2 2 2
1 2 3 4 1 3 2 1 3 2 1 6 4 4 5 1 3 7 7 6
SCOTTISH PREMIER Celtic Rangers Heart of Midlothian Kilmarnock Inverness Caledonian Thistle Motherwell Dundee United St. Johnstone Aberdeen Hibernian St. Mirren Hamilton Academical
60
Pl W D
L
+/- Pts
19 17 19 19 20 18 16 18 19 19 19 17
2 2 4 7 7 8 5 9 12 11 11 10
28 20 18 11 4 1 -5 -12 -19 -11 -16 -19
14 13 12 9 7 7 5 6 5 4 4 2
3 2 3 3 6 3 6 3 2 4 4 5
45 41 39 30 27 24 21 21 17 16 16 11
BBM-590 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
46 44 36 31 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 19 19 17 16 15 13 13 12
FOOTBALL RESULTS Wednesday, 5 January Barclays Premier League Arsenal 0-0 Man City Aston Villa 0-1 Sunderland Blackburn 3-1 Liverpool Bolton 1-1 Wigan Everton 2-1 Tottenham Newcastle 5-0 West Ham Wolverhampton 1-0 Chelsea International Match Australia 0-0 United Arab Emirates Principality Building Society Welsh League Bala Town 4-1 Newtown Llanelli 2-0 Bangor City ---------------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 4 January Barclays Premier League Blackpool 1-2 Birmingham Fulham 3-0 West Brom Man Utd 2-1 Stoke Npower Championship Cardiff 2-1 Leeds Npower League One Bristol Rovers 2-3 Plymouth Blue Square Premier Hayes & Yeading 0-1 Luton Scottish Cup Annan Athletic 2-5 Brechin Beith 3-4 Airdrie Utd Carling Premiership Ballymena 3-1 Portadown Cliftonville 3-2 Lisburn Distillery Coleraine 3-1 Glentoran Dungannon Swifts 3-1 Donegal Celtic Glenavon 2-1 Newry ---------------------------------------------------------Monday, 3 January Npower Championship Barnsley 2-1 Coventry Crystal Palace 1-0 Preston Derby 0-0 Millwall Ipswich 0-1 Nott’m Forest Leicester 2-1 Swansea Middlesbrough 1-1 Norwich Portsmouth 2-3 Hull QPR 2-2 Bristol City Reading 2-1 Burnley Scunthorpe 1-2 Watford Sheff Utd 2-2 Doncaster Npower League One Bournemouth 3-1 Brentford Charlton 2-4 Swindon Dag & Red 1-3 Southampton Exeter 1-2 Brighton Huddersfield 1-0 Sheff Wed Leyton Orient 4-2 Colchester Notts County 3-0 Hartlepool Oldham 1-2 Rochdale Peterborough 4-1 Walsall Tranmere 2-1 Carlisle Yeovil 1-0 MK Dons Npower League Two Accrington Stanley 2-2 Chesterfield Aldershot 1-2 Hereford Bradford 1-0 Bury Macclesfield 0-2 Rotherham Northampton 2-1 Lincoln City Port Vale 2-1 Burton Albion Shrewsbury 0-1 Crewe Southend 1-2 Cheltenham Stevenage 4-2 Barnet Stockport 0-2 Morecambe Torquay 3-4 Oxford Utd Wycombe 1-0 Gillingham Clydesdale Bank Premier League St Mirren 0-2 Kilmarnock Blue Square Premier Darlington 3-1 Barrow Eastbourne Boro 0-2 Cambridge Utd Forest Green 0-3 Crawley Town Histon 1-6 Grimsby Mansfield 0-1 Altrincham Newport County 3-3 AFC Wimbledon Rushden & D’mnds 1-2 Kettering Southport 5-1 Gateshead Tamworth 2-2 Kidderminster Wrexham 2-0 Bath City Blue Square North Blyth Spartans 2-4 Droylsden Eastwood Town 2-2 Boston Utd Gloucester 2-4 Solihull Moors Harrogate Town 2-0 Stalybridge Hinckley Utd 3-3 Corby Hyde 0-1 Guiseley
BBM-590 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
Nuneaton 0-0 AFC Telford Redditch 0-0 Worcester Stafford Rangers 0-1 Alfreton Town Blue Square South Basingstoke 2-2 Weston-S-Mare Braintree Town 3-2 Ebbsfleet United Bromley 4-3 Bishop’s Stortford Dartford 1-2 Chelmsford Dorchester 2-2 Hampton & Richmond Eastleigh 4-2 Havant and W Lewes 1-3 Welling Staines Town 1-2 Farnborough St Albans 1-0 Maidenhead Utd Thurrock 2-7 Dover Woking 3-0 Boreham Wood Scot-Ads Highland Football League Deveronvale 7-0 Buckie Thistle Forres Mechanics 1-0 Nairn County Huntly 2-6 Inverurie Locos Lossiemouth 3-0 Keith Turriff United 5-1 Formartine Utd Wick Academy 2-3 Brora ---------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 2 January Barclays Premier League Chelsea 3-3 Aston Villa Wigan 0-1 Newcastle Clydesdale Bank Premier League Rangers 0-2 Celtic St Johnstone 1-0 Inverness CT Scottish First Division Dundee 2-0 Ross County Falkirk 4-2 Stirling Raith Rovers 2-1 Dunfermline Scottish Second Division Ayr 2-0 Dumbarton Stenhousemuir 2-3 Alloa Scottish Third Division Montrose 0-5 Arbroath ---------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 1 January Barclays Premier League Birmingham 0-3 Arsenal Liverpool 2-1 Bolton Man City 1-0 Blackpool Stoke 2-0 Everton Sunderland 3-0 Blackburn Tottenham 1-0 Fulham West Brom 1-2 Man Utd West Ham 2-0 Wolverhampton Npower Championship Bristol City 3-0 Cardiff Burnley 4-2 Sheff Utd Coventry 1-1 Ipswich Doncaster 3-0 Scunthorp Hull 0-1 Leicester Leeds 1-1 Middlesbrough Millwall 3-0 Crystal Palace Norwich 1-0 QPR Nott’m Forest 2-2 Barnsley Preston 1-2 Derby Swansea 1-0 Reading Watford 3-0 Portsmouth Npower League One Brentford 2-1 Dag & Red Brighton 5-0 Leyton Orient Carlisle 2-2 Huddersfield Colchester 3-3 Charlton Hartlepool 4-2 Oldham MK Dons 2-0 Bristol Rovers Plymouth 0-0 Yeovil Rochdale 3-2 Tranmere Southampton 4-0 Exeter Swindon 1-2 Bournemouth Walsall 0-3 Notts County Npower League Two Barnet 1-2 Aldershot Burton Albion 0-0 Shrewsbury Bury 2-2 Macclesfield Cheltenham 1-2 Wycombe Chesterfield 4-1 Stockport Crewe 2-0 Northampton Gillingham 1-0 Stevenage Hereford 2-2 Torquay Lincoln City 1-2 Bradford Morecambe 1-2 Accrington Stanley Oxford Utd 0-2 Southend Rotherham 5-0 Port Vale Clydesdale Bank Premier League Aberdeen 1-1 Dundee Utd Hamilton 0-0 Motherwell Hearts 1-0 Hibernian Blue Square Premier AFC Wimbledon 3-1 Hayes & Yeading
FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague.com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.
Prizes (in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100
#
TEAM
MANAGER
GW
TOT
1
Dizzying Heights FC
Siva Iyer
54
1161
2
alovelycupoftea
James Horrocks
59
1160
3
Mukin Fagic
Luke Gately
45
1112
4
every week you
dan magee
49
1099
5
Evertonian
John Armitage
58
1087
6
Ozzies Allstars ***
James Osborne
60
1081
7
Stop, Hammertime!
Paul Steadman
52
1079
8
Alcohol Fc
Ron f
39
1079
9
Holy-family ‘B’ team
Pat Mustard
62
1067
10
TippytappyFC
Richie Egan
58
1065
11
Tallulah
Neil Weaver
48
1048
12
Your Ma’s Athletic
brian o gorman
34
1043
13
Rootin & Tootin
Oisin Coveney
27
1038
14
Juggernauts
Gaurav Rana
45
1021
15
Red Incas
Mark Stansfield
27
1020
16
Arsenal
Brian Harvey
25
1012
17
bobby dazzlerz
tom mcelwain
37
1009
18
Alan’s Deep Bath
jason kerley
41
1008
19
Hardly Athletic
Grant Haworth
42
998
20
ReturnOfDaLouts
Brian Manton
45
992
New Entry
Ranking Increased
Ranking stayed the same
Ranking Fell
`
61
ASHES NEWS
COLLING TIME
ASH THE WAY TO DO IT CLOSE your eyes, strain your ears and you can almost still hear the strains of ‘Jerusalem’ reverberating from the SCG after the Barmy Army’s. Well you can if you’re in Surry Hills anyway. Yes we’ve done it. In fact we’ve done it, done it – having not only retained the Ashes, but also spanked the Aussies to kingdom come in a manner which makes us question what the hell the Perth Test was all about. Still that’s the mysterious beauty of cricket. When you’re winning. “We came over here desperately wanting to win the series,� said Strauss, who became only the third England captain in history to win an Ashes series home and away. “Obviously in
Melbourne we retained the Ashes but we really wanted to ďŹ nish with a bang over here in Sydney. “All credit to the guys, they’ve been outstanding again, the way the bowlers bowled on day one, the batsmen dipped their bread in it again and we got another victory. So we’re delighted with what we’ve done and we’re certainly going to enjoy this evening, that’s for sure.â€?
LIKE all good stories, amid the joy and happiness, there was a sad tale as well. So in a “death of Dumbledoreâ€? style tragic move, the ďŹ nal Ashes Test in Sydney was also a tad bit sad as Paul Collingwood said goodbye to the ďŹ veday stage. Awwww. “It’s a special, special day and I can’t think of a better way to step out of Test cricket. A lot of guys in the dressing room put a lot of hard work in to achieve this,â€? said Colly (who admittedly has been a bit shit this series).
And while there’s no doubt England’s batsmen did a job, the real difference in class showed in the attack with pretty much everyone stepping up to the place. None moreso than our leading paceman Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Anderson.
“I’m very realistic, this team is moving forward and I’m 34, coming up 35 in May, and whether my technique and skill in the Test format of the game can keep up with these young guys who are coming through, I doubt it very much.�
“I’m delighted with my form this trip, enjoying my role in the team leading the attack.�
Excuse us, we’ve just got something in our eye. Sniff.
WHAT’S YOUR BEEF? TRUST old Beefy to stir up the hornet’s nest again. The England legend has wound up the Aussies after labelling Phillip Hughes a cheat for his catch appeal in the ďŹ fth Test – when replays clearly showed a sizable bounce that, let’s be honest, he must have known didn’t carry. “I have spent a lifetime in cricket and I call it as I see it,â€? said an unapologetic Botham. “Always have, always will - and to me, Phil Hughes knew he didn’t take that catch cleanly. And that’s what I have a problem with.â€? Talk about kicking a team when they’re down. We don’t know what the Aussies are more upset about, being called cheats or the fact they know he’s right.
from
$55
*
*For a 2hr lesson at Maroubra beach
WAT ON EARTH?! IN POSSIBLY the most shocking development of the series, one of the Aussie players has accepted defeat gracefully. “We had so much to play for in this game but we’ve been totally outplayed again,� said all-rounder Shane Watson. “They’ve continually stood up, all of their players, throughout the season.�
62
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ASHES FEATURE BEST ASHES MOMENTS
WELL we’ve retained the Ashes and made the Aussies realise how shit they are to boot. Huzzah! And after 23 years without so much as a sniff of success down under, we feel it’s only right to revel in the series for just that little bit longer. Not to mention rub it in to the Aussies as well. So with that in mind, we’ve picked out our top five moments from this Ashes series– purely from an English perspective of course.
1. ENGLAND START TO COOK First Test: Brisbane, Day Four: With Australia over 200 runs ahead after the first innings and Strauss and Cook (pictured) seeing out day three on 25-0, things looked grim for England. What followed next was almost obscene, such was the domination that Cook, Strauss and Trott had over the Aussie attack. They all helped themselves to centuries to end the day on 309-1, totally demoralising Ponting’s side.
TEST DATES 25–29 November (Brisbane, The Gabba) Result: MATCH DRAWN 3–7 December (Adelaide, Adelaide Oval) Result: ENGLAND WON 16–20 December (Perth, WACA Ground) Result: AUSTRALIA WON 26–30 December (Melbourne, Melbourne Cricket Ground) Result: ENGLAND WON 3–7 January (Sydney, Sydney Cricket Ground) Result: - ENGLAND WON
2. JOHNSON’S GOLDEN DUCK Fifth Test: Sydney, Day Four: With England on the crest of a wave after another wicket, the Barmy Army’s favourite target Mitchell Johnson (left) walks to the crease. “He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite” sing the England mob swaying in unison. Chris Tremlett duly smashes Johnson’s stumps first ball and the Victor Trumper stand erupts in an orgasmic
3. PAIN IN THE RAIN Second Test, Adelaide, Day Five: Battling their way back to 238-4 by the end of the fourth day, the Aussies were praying for rain to help their cause on the final day. Their wish was granted as it started pissing it down shortly after lunchtime. Unfortunately, their spineless tail had already slumped to 304 all out and the rain was just salt in the wound.
4. THE MCG EMPTIES Fourth Test, Melbourne, Day One: Almost 90,000 fans left their presents at home to pack the MCG on Boxing Day, buoyed by Australia’s sledging-inspired success in the third Test in Perth. By stumps, only about a third of the fickle bastards were left, chased off by a combination of total Pom domination on the pitch, and a rampant Barmy Army in full voice. The Aussies were skittled out for 98, while Strauss and Cook combined to pile on 157-0. Nuff said.
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5. PONTING GOES MENTAL Fourth Test, Melbourne, Day Two: With Australia staring down the barrel of a massive first innings defecit, Kevin Pietersen appears to edge the ball to Brad Haddin. The replays appear to show a nick – leading the Aussies to celebrate - but hot spot suggests otherwise and Pietersen stays in. Egged along by Pietersen’s cheeky wink, Ponting goes bat-shit crazy, moaning to anyone within earshot about the apparent injustice of it all. A total lack of grace was never more amusing.
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FOOTBALL RANT: WITH KAJ MCGADSBY
WHEN YOU WRITE YOU’RE WRONG ANNOYINGLY, BBM’s usual football columnist has disappeared this week, leaving a rather large columnist-shaped hole in the mag. Which means BBM’s humble sports editor gets to have a crack at writing his own column (and refer to himself in the third person – weird).
A personal unfavourite of ours is the “Armchair Pundit” on Yahoo UK, who somehow manages to write about the subject of the week without offering any kind of insight whatsoever - a skill in itself.
And what subject has BBM chosen to discuss, berate and generally rip the shit out of? Well, Magnus Magnusson, our chosen specialist subject is football columnists – specifically internet football columnists - and how fucking annoying they are.
Almost as bad is his Yahoo cohort – Early Doors – who is supposed to take a light-hearted look at the week’s world of football, yet succeeds in being only slightly less funny than watching England get battered by Germany at last year’s World Cup.
Despite being a sports reporter for several years, there’s a reason this is BBM’s first ever football column and, surprisingly, it’s not because we tend to litter sentences with offensive words like tits,
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slapper shagging antics, or David Beckham’s choice of hairstylist. No. One. Gives. A. Fuck.
fanny, bollocks and Ashley Cole.
conferences. We’re looking at you Brian Woolnough.
It’s because we hate columns. The newspaper colmnists back in England are bad enough, full of self-important sycophantic arseholes who think they know more about the game than Joe Public because they laugh at Harry Redknapp’s shit jokes in press
But at least those boys can actually write and, occasionally, do research; whereas the true turds of football writing tend to lurk online, behind a hidden mask of user anonymity, convinced that the world simply must know their thoughts on Wayne Rooney’s
Fair enough, part of the beauty of football is the debate and the differences in opinion. But remember, just because someone’s got a platform, doesn’t make them right. Just
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WORLD SPORT BUTT-ER WOULDN’T MELT Butt’s evidence came as he and two other Pakistan players, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir, pleaded not guilty to multiple charges of breaking the ICC’s anticorruption code, at a hearing in Doha.
BOXING: Salman
Butt’s agent is apparently some sort of psychic who has an X-Man style ability to see into the future. That seems to be the only explanation left for alleged match-fixer Butt, who says he still can’t explain how his agent accurately predicted when he was about to bowl a no-ball. The only other option is that Butt told him when he’d bowl the no-balls so they could make money illegally through spot-fixing but that, of course, would be ludicrous.
In brief opening statements responding to the allegations, fast bowler Amir also told the three-man commission chaired by Michael Beloff QC that he did not know why businessman Mazhar Majeed told the News of the World when the no balls would be bowled.
HAYE NOW, HAYE NOW, THE DREAM IS OVER BOXING: The centuries-long flirtation between David Haye and Wladimir Klitschko appears to be over, with Haye admitting he’s all but given up on fighting the Ukrainian. Brit Haye said he had hoped to face the Ukrainian, who holds the IBF and WBO heavyweight titles, on 2 July. But the Londoner thinks Klitschko’s rescheduled bout with Chisora on 30 April means the fights are too close. “If he doesn’t fight me on 2 July he’ll never fight me,” said Haye, who plans to retire when he turns 31 in October. “I know I can retire later this year with my head held high knowing I did everything in my power to make these fights happen.” We’re still not quite sure who’s been dodging who in these bloody fights. Can’t
The lying bastards will be quizzed at greater length over the weekend with
FERRARI FURORE FORMULA ONE: We all know Italians love the ladies – and nothing impresses a woman more than a big shiny car. Any man with a small penis will tell you as much.
WEIGHT TO GO WEIGHTLIFTING: The muscle-head world of weighlifting was rocked this week when an English champion was suspended for anabolic steroid abuse. Weightlifters taking steroids? We never thought we’d see the day. Denis Catana has been handed a two-year ban after testing positive for Metenolone ahead of the 2010 Commonwealth Games in Delhi.
So it’s perhaps understandable why the Italians love Formula One so much. In fact, they’re so obsessed by the “sport” (cough) that the failure of Ferrari’s Fernando Alonso to win the 2010 world championship was discussed by politicians in
He had been provisionally banned since 21 September 2010, a suspension that will last until 20 September 2012. But British Olympic Association rules now ban him from Team GB for life.
Rome. Inevitably, heads had to roll – and so Pat Fry has replaced Chris Dyer as head of race track engineering at Ferrari this week. The hoo-ha erupted when Alonso finished seventh in the final race in Abu Dhabi after apparently taking some bad advice on an early pit stop move – which backfired to allow eventual championship winner Sebastian Vettel to take the honours. “The mistake was of a very great magnitude,” said Ferrari team chief Stefano Domenicali, who admitted he’d considered his own position after the race. “It produced devastating effects. In a normal race it would have been a normal mistake. We need to avoid throwing everything into the sea, even the good things, just because of this mistake. But we will be making changes and we’ll announce them very soon. 68
ATT’S LIFE RUGBY UNION: Gloucester second row Dave Attwood has been suspended for a whopping nine weeks. The reason? He stamped on someone’s face. Fair enough then. Romania international prop Toderasc needed hospital treatment after suffering mouth injuries following the incident, with his coach claiming several teeth were knocked out.
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FOOTBALL
NEWS ROUND-UP
FOUR IN THE SACK THE race is on to see who will get sacked first out of Gerard Houllier, Carlo Ancelotti, Roy Hodgson and Avram Grant. The smart money is on Hodgson but in the crazy sack-first-ask-questions-later world of Premier League football, anyone knows. All four are are under pressure after a string of shit results – the most baffling of which are probably Chelsea’s. The Blues sunk to Liverpool levels of embarrassment this week following a 1-0 defeat to Wolves. “I would be surprised if I am sacked. I am not fearing. I don’t have a fear. I have a worry because we don’t reach the result,” said Ancelotti while biting his nails, twitching his eye and flicking imaginary flies from his face.
Meanwhile, over at Villa Park, Gerard Houllier has needed just half a season to turn a half-decent Villa side into a lump of shit. The Villans slipped into the relegation zone this week but Houllier reckons he’s still safe. The Frenchman said: “I spoke to Paul Faulkner and he was very supportive. “I don’t doubt Randy Lerner’s firm support and determination. We are in this together for better or worse.”
And after a couple of wins or West Ham appeared to give him a bit of breathing space, Avram Grant
finds himself back to square one after a 5-0 hammering to Newcastle that sent the Hammers back to the foot of the table.” I feel confident I’m the man to lead us out of trouble,” he said without confidence.” Up until this result, we’ve done well.”
Roy Hodgson’s wild Anfield ride continues to reach new depths following the club’s 31 slump to Blackburn. Frankly, we’re amazed he’s still in a job as we write this and is still expected to take charge of the Reds FA Cup tie with Man United this weekend. Word on the Scally street is that Kenny Dalglish will be in charge after that one whether they win or lose.
Blackburn’s in no way a publicity stunt attempt to sign Ronaldinho has died on its arse. But the buck-toothed Samba boy has his heart set on a return to his home club in Brazil. He said: “I’m not an object up for auction. If I could, I’d already be wearing a Gremio shirt, even earning less.”
Phil Brown’s main source of income will no longer be Tom Jones impersonations, after the former Hull boss took over at Preston North End this week. Former Lilywhites boss Darren Ferguson was sacked last week after less than a year in
THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!
charge, with his dad promptly throwing a hissy fit and taking back all the United youngsters who had been on loan at Deepdale.
Sam Allardyce wants to do his bit for FIFA’s expansion into the Middle East by introducing his special brand of hoof-ball tactics to the region. The former Blackburn boss wants to take charge of the Qatar national team. “The Emirates lifestyle is fabulous. It would be great to manage in another country,” he pleaded.
Mentally insane powermonger Sepp Blatter wants to tamper with the rules of the game again and has questioned the decision to award three points for a win. “At the moment three points are awarded for a win and one for a draw, which is something we can discuss and decide whether it’s a good thing or not,” he cackled evilly.
Aldershot have suspended, fined and transfer listed striker Marvin Morgan after he told the club’s fans he “hoped they all died” on Twitter. Supporters booed him during the club’s 2-1 defeat to Hereford last week and the genius responded online with the words: “Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where’s that going to get you! I hope you all die.”
with ace pundit Chris Kamara
“ALL 11 players at Spanish third division side Pontevedra sat down with their hands behind their backs for the first minute of their game against Lugo last week. The move was a protest over payment, with the players claiming they haven’t received any wages for the past five months. Their opponents, having been informed of the protest, decided to pass the ball between themselves until Pontevedra stood up again. The protesting players went on to lose the match 3-2 anyway. Unbelievable Jeff!”
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK “Freddie Ljungberg is a very famous player and I like his underwear. I have a lot of Calvin Klein underwear at home, maybe I’ll show him.” Cha Du-Ri inadvertently jeopardizes Freddie Ljungberg’s move to Celtic.
“Football isn’t instant coffee. You have to work at it. You must grow the bean, grind it.” Ian Holloway questions whether Manchester City have found the formula for success at Eastlands.
“Alan Hutton - I never said anything about this after the game - headbutted one of our players a few weeks ago on the touchline and there was nothing done about that. In fact, Match of the Day 2 laughed about it and called him a little bull, saying it was the way a bull would head-butt somebody. They had a good laugh about it. But ours is a big furore: ‘Bowyer has got to get done’. We didn’t hear anybody screaming about Alan Hutton that day.” Alex McLeish sticks up for the ‘little clubs’ amid suggestions the ‘big boys’ are running roughshod.
“How long have you lot [the Midlands press] known me? Am I going to wallow in some sympathetic fucking syrup like this when I’m bottom of the fucking league? If it ends in tears then some of you might say: ‘He was a nice fella and he did a good job.’ But I’m not getting involved in this shit and caramel. We are bottom of the fucking league, we got slapped on Sunday and we were shit. I know it. You lot know it. Thank God I’m not 11th or 12th, I’d be out of a job.” Mick McCarthy delicately describes Wolves’ predicament.
“What’s happening? Fuck all and it’s starting to wind me up!! Sort it out Harry for fuck’s sake.” David Bentley’s missus Kimberley has a go at being a football agent on Twitter. BBM-590 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM
FOOTBALL
FEATURE
THE YOUNG AND THE FECKLESS FORGET those knobby “best of 2010” lists, we want to look forward not back. We want to know what’s shaking in 2011 hip daddy, not went down in groove town way back when. Ya dig? (Trust us, this kind of lingo is how everyone will be speaking in 12 months). So using BBM’s global scouting network (and we’re not talking about the hidden cameras in the girls toilets), we’ve hunted out the top five youngsters to watch out for in 2011. And just to make it more interesting, we’ve ruled out players currently plying their trade in the Premier League – otherwise it’d just be the same old names you see every week. Ta-dah!
TOP FIVE YOUNG TALENTS OUTSIDE THE PREMIER LEAGUE... AGE: 18; RIVER PLATE, MIDFIELDER
ERIK LAMELA
AGE: 17; IPSWICH, STRIKER
CONNOR WICKHAM
Admittedly we’ve put Connor into the top five on nationality more than anything, but you can bet diamonds this boyy wonder will be partnering Andy Carroll up front in about seven yearss time. Well maybe not diamonds. A fiver would be worth a punt though. We’d say a tenner but Carroll could well be doing a stretch for assault by 2018. Anyway, back to Connor. Playing For England’s Under-17 side he bulldozed through defences at the AGE: 18; SANTOS, STRIKER European Championships last year, which the Three Lions won and a big-money NEYMAR Premier League move seems almost Like Olivia Newton-John inevitable this year. It’s just a question if and s leather in d dresse when not if. shaking her tits at John Travolta, this is the one they all want. Honey. Chelsea, Manchester City, Real AGE: 17 Madrid, AC Milan, Inter ANDERLECHT, Milan, Wycombe – it seems STRIKER every club out there wants a piece of Brazilian ROMEL U join to boyhood brilliance. Weirdly, however, he refused opting LUKAK instead , U season last d entione aforem the of any to sign a new contract at home town club Santos.
Heard the one about the Argentine 12-year-old that Barcelona tried to sign? No, this isn’t Lionel Messi we’re talking about but another South American sensation. Lamela was targeted by Barca’s ’ scouts but failed to agree a move. Six years later and after becoming a key part of River Plate’s team he is wanted by Europe’s big boys once again. Real Madrid, AC Milan, Juventus and Manchester City have all been rumoured to be chasing the £10million-rated starlet who has lived up to his early hype with some impressive performances in the famous River shirt.
AGE: 19; BARCELONA, MIDFIELDER
THIAGO If there’s one thing Barcelona do well, it’s... well actually they excel in pretty much every area of football. Their Youth Acadamy is no different with no fewer than SIX of the players who started against Holland in the World Cup Final coming through Barca’s ranks. So who’s next off the factory shelf then? Say hello to Thiago. Aged just 19, he’s already being likened to Xavi because of his passing ability. In fact, the only reason he’s not made more appearances for Barca is because he’s, well, playing for Barca.
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Don’t let the fact he plays in Belgium fool you, this boy is not just good - he’s fucking awesome. Aged 16, he was last season’s top scorer in the Belgium top flight and has continued that form this season with 14 goals in 28 games. He’s 17 now but you wouldn’t think it – he’s 6ft 4ins and weighs in at around 14 stone. Rumours abound that kiddy-fiddler Arsene Wenger might make a bid – although the £20million price tag might put him off.
WEEKEND FIXTURES Saturday 8th January FA Cup Third Round Arsenal v Leeds Utd Blackburn v QPR Bolton v York City Brighton v Portsmouth Bristol City v Sheff Weds Burnley v Port Vale Burton Albion v Middlesbrough Coventry v C.Palace Doncaster v Wolves Fulham v Peterborough Huddersfield v Dover Hull City v Wigan Athletic Millwall v Birmingham Norwich v Leyton Orient Preston NE v Nottm Forest Reading v West Brom Scunthorpe v Everton Sheff Utd v Aston Villa Southampton v Blackpool Stevenage v Newcastle Stoke City v Cardiff City Sunderland v Notts County Swansea City v Colchester Torquay v Carlisle Utd Watford v Hartlepool West Ham v Barnsley Scottish FA Cup Fourth Round Aberdeen v East Fife Dundee Utd v Ross County East Stirling v Buckie Thistle Falkirk v Partick Thistle Hamilton Acd’ v Alloa Athletic Hearts v St Johnstone Hibernian v Ayr United Inverness CT v Elgin City Montrose v Dunfermline Morton v Airdrie Utd/ Beith Queen o’ Sth v Brechin/ Annan St Mirren v Peterhead FA Cup Second Round Replay Lincoln City v Hereford npower League 1 Bournemouth v Plymouth Dag & Red v Rochdale Exeter City v MK Dons Oldham v Swindon Tranmere v Walsall npower League 2 Accrington v Bury Aldershot v Oxford United Bradford v Barnet Crewe v Wycombe Northampton v Cheltenham Shrewsbury v Morecambe Southend v Chesterfield Stockport v Gillingham
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SPORT GUIDE 72
Contents PAGE 72 Football Top Five: 2011’s young talent PAGE 70 Football News: Not the boss of me PAGE 68 World Football: Butt of the joke PAGE 66 Football Rant: With Kaj McGadsby
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PAGE 64 Ashes Feature: Moments of the series PAGE 62 Ashes News: Sweeeeeet!
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PAGES 60 & 61 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables
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