BBM Magazine Jan. 15th by bbmlive.com

CONTENTS The Cover

Review

Regulars

SNAKE-SKINNY JONES - 22 “BBM’s favourite old geezer, Vinnie Jones, has notched an impressive role in his quest for Hollywood domination. No, seriously, he has.”

BLACK SWAN - 26 “Black Swan is a hard one to place into a single genre - there’s elements of horror, thriller, drama yet it revolves around Swan Lake.”

Interview

Sport

FENECH SOLER - 32 “Yeah we’re really looking forward to doing Good Vibrations in February, which is Sydney, Gold Coast, Perth and a few other places.”

ANDY CRAP - 64 We take a look at the many times Andy Murray has failed the British public ahead of this week’s Australian Open.

UK News Irish News World News Soaps Gossip The Wrap Reviews Interviews Sydney Melbourne Perth Recruitment Classiﬁeds Hostel Listings Crystal Balls Ask Crystal & Jokes Sport

JOBS & ACCOMODATION

6 12 14 18 20 24 26 30 34 38 42 44 48 52 56 58 74

MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon john.mcmahon@what-media.com

EDITOR Ben Harlum ben.harlum@what-media.com

SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby richard.gadsby@what-media.com

UK EDITOR Hannah Shakir hannah.shakir@what-media.com

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INTERNS Marissa van Doorn, Jennifer Reilly, Zuleika Lopez Guilleux, Stefan Zimmermann

I GAVE THE TOENAIL AS A WRAP PRESENT 3 MONTHS LATER.

HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard design@what-media.com

WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber WEB DEVELOPMENT ASSISTANT Shefali Khanna

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ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin

KRISTINA ANAPAU

BBM

BRITISH BALLS MAGAZINE

CONTRIBUTORS David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Fernando Xavier, Bethan Hacking, Alexandra McIntyre, Jeremy Williams, Emma Mulliner, Hannah Allsopp, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Renée Van Kraanen Photography

mary.atkin@what-media.com

ADVERTISING Joe Smith joe.smith@what-media.com

Dave Hudson Tom Shakir BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGER James Marsh PO Box 784 Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230

www.bbmlive.com info@what-media.com

ph: (02) 8231 7700 fax: (02) 9299 4966

SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir PRINTED BY Spotpress

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

UK NEWS A LOAD OF SHIP

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT WATCHING a showbiz dwarf pull a vacuum cleaner around with his penis. It may seem like harmless family entertainment, but what if that showbiz dwarf was a smoker?

This time next year, however, it will be more well known for its chop suey and free prawn crackers, with the Hong Kong businessman who owns the Wing Wah chain of Chinese restaurants in Britain having offered $7.7 million for the ship.

Well that’s when you’re in the shit, because smoking is a ﬁlthy disgusting habit and no one who has paid to watch a midget with a hoover attached to his cock should be subjected to such a disgusting habit. That’s the message from Kings Lynn Borough Council who cleared various circus performers to perform at the local Corn Exchange in Skegness – including freaks who swallow revolving electric drills, walk up ladders made of swords and the hooveryank-wanking dwarf – but banned one female performer on health and safety grounds because her act involved smoking on stage.

Naturally, he’s not really going to turn a state-of-the-art, nuclear warhead deploying weapon of mass destruction into a Chinese restaurant. We were pulling your leg there. He’s going to turn it into a school instead.

THE GRAVEYARD SHAFT SEX in unusual places. Whether it’s in the back-row of a cinema, an airplane toilet cubicle or a hospital bathroom while your wife’s giving birth – it always adds a bit of spice to proceedings. Clearly Andrew Donaldson and Karen Waters felt the same way after deciding to have a bit of rumpopumpo in a Surrey cemetery. Spooky eh? Well it would have been spooky if they’d done it at night. Instead they stripped off to get down and gravedirty in the middle of the afternoon. Getting nekkid in public is a bit risky at the best of times, and Andrew and Karen’s case proved

grave consequences (see what we did there? Clever eh?) Cock-hungry Karen had put her jeans and bra back on by then and Andy had his boxer shorts on – but apparently his old fella was still peeping out in plain sight. particularly unfortunate – as the cemetery backed onto a posho public grammar school and their sexy shenanigans were witnessed by hordes of school kids. As pupils took pictures on their mobile phones, a police ofﬁcer arrived at St Mary’s Church next door, and found the couple scantily dressed on one of the tombstones. Talk about

The pair were arrested and Karen refused to comment but wrote a statement saying she had her knickers and bra on at all times and did not have sex – despite mobile phone footage to the contrary. Meanwhile, Andy was so drunk he could not be interviewed until the next day. And they say romance is dead.

STRANGE heat levels coming from the garage? Suspicious plants? It was enough to convince West Yorkshire police to send six ofﬁcers and a battering ram to Pam Hardcastle’s house in Bradford on suspicion of growing cannabis. Instead all they found were pet guinea pigs Simon and Kenny living in a heated cage. Mum-of-one Pam said: “Everybody’s asking what I’d done. It’s embarrassing.”

ONCE upon a time the HMS Invincible was a symbol of Britain’s dominance of the waves, an aircraft carrier that inspired awe and fear in equal measure.

If he wins the online auction, Lam Kin-bong plans to tow the 22,000-tonne Invincible to the southern Chinese city of Zhuhai, near Hong Kong and Macau, and turn it into a school “to help foster communication and cultural ties between China and Britain”. “My intentions are purely commercial and have nothing to do with the military,” said Lam.

BECKS BACKED BRITAIN’S young boys want to grow up to be thick and their parents want to die in a car accident. That’s the conclusion BBM has come to following a report that revealed David Beckham is one of the leading role models for young lads, while parents still look up to Princess Diana as their inspiration. Louise Ellis, sport psychologist and performance consultant, said: “It’s testament to Beckham’s sheer hard work and determination both on and off the pitch, as a sportsman, a businessman, a father and a global ambassador.” Bollocks. It’s because he’s good at football and loads of women want to shag him.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

UK NEWS GOLFER LIED ABOUT HANDICAP POOR old cripple Valerie Lewis. Despite telling social workers she was a “virtual prisoner in her own home” and that walking outdoors was “virtually impossible”, she’s been stripped of her disability handouts by penny-pinching council officials. How petty can you get?

as a benefits cheat when investigators acting on a tip-off secretly filmed her teeing off and playing in a competition at the 6,618 yard Sutton Hall Golf Club near Runcorn, Cheshire — and loading her golf buggy and clubs in and out of her car. “You described a way of life that touched everything you did, both socially and privately in 2001,” Judge Stephen Clark said.

And what’s the reason they’ve given for this shameful purse-tightening? Well it seems Valerie, who has picked up £40,000 in benefits due to her debilitating condition over the years, is paying the price for simply being captain of the local ladies golf team. And playing four rounds every week. Oh, and she regularly goes horseriding as well. Other than that we’re sure her life’s a misery.

“It was a sorry account presented and in due course you were awarded disability living allowance. You made the same application in 2003 and again the same picture was painted… This case brings shame and disgrace on you. When people read about this, they will look at you and think, ‘What a hypocrite’.”

JIM DAVIDSON: WAR CRIMINAL A PANTO featuring comedy racist Jim Davidson has had to change a costume after being told it was breaking the Geneva Convention. In the Pavilion Theatre’s production The Magical Adventures of Robin Hood, character Nurse Poltis originally wore an outfit with red crosses on the hat and tunic. But bosses were forced to change the outfit after being contacted by the British Red Cross – who revealed they were breaking the Geneva Convention and could face prosecution. Under the Convention, unauthorised use of the Red Cross emblem is illegal. All together now… oh no it isn’t! Comedian Al Murray tweeted: ‘I saw Jim Davidson’s face and the headline and assumed he was against the Geneva Convention.’

The 55-year-old mum of two was exposed

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UK NEWS LICENCE TO FILL UP NO matter where you go, no matter which country you’re in – every local pub has a bloke in there who smells of piss, stumbles about a lot, and rambles incoherently about the government and his ex-wife to anyone brave enough to approach the bar. He’s an alcoholic right? Well if you’re in Conwy in North Wales, you’re wrong! Ha! Turns out he’s a James Bond-style superspy ready to weed out society’s criminal elements at a moment’s notice. Conwy Council has spent £4000 hiring

actors to play drunks to test local pubs breaking the law when it comes to serving customers. According to papers documenting the operation, the actors staggered around ‘dressed in dishevelled and stained clothing’, slurring their speech and falling over. They also told bar staff they were drunk as they ordered more drinks. But while ordinarily bar staff would face ﬁnes for serving customers they believe to be under the inﬂuence, as the actors were only pretending to be drunk no offence was actually committed. In other words, the whole thing was pointless. Nice.

STUDENTS’ MASS DEBATE FROM the lowly peasant inspired by the beautiful princess as she brushes past him to her royal chambers, to the mighty king bubbling with desire for the busty wench at the local tavern. If there’s one universal truth shared by men of every station across the world, it’s that we all have wanking fantasies. Builders show their base desires by making lewd comments to women as they walk past scaffolding, but students at Cambridge University have proven they’re no better than beasts of the ﬁeld after announcing prominent members of the porn industry will be invited to one of their historic debates this year.

Previous big names for the debate have included the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the United Nations weapons inspector Hans Blix. This year, however, porn star Johnny Anglais, the first UK female adult film director Anna Span and Shelly Lubben, who is now a chaplain but was once the star of films such as Bra Busters 2, will be taking to the debating platform. “The issue of pornography is prevalent in today’s society; it’s easily accessible online for people of any age, and seems to be increasingly covered in the news and on TV programmes,” said president of the union Lauren Davidson, while flicking her bean and being double penetrated by two classmates.

EVERYBODY NEEDS GOOD NEIGHBOURS LAZY TV producers will have to think up a new easy-money revenue stream following Government plans to tackle “neighbours from hell”. Housing minister Grant Shapps said it could currently take over a year to kick out known troublemakers, and promised to make it easier to take possession of their homes. “For too long, too many social tenants have lived in fear of neighbours from hell, whose nasty and vicious behaviour blights their neighbourhoods,” said Mr Shapps while listening to a Jungle music CD on full volume in his back garden.

WHEN we used to watch lovable kiddy cartoon Animals of Farthing Wood, the fox was a nice guy who used to help out his woodland friends. Same deal with The Fantastic Mr Fox. But it seems we were lied to. Far from being charming creatures who pass most of the day chatting to their badger best friend, foxes are actually giant killers who eat cats. Aieee! That was the case this week after Britain’s biggest ever fox was caught and killed after it ate a family cat. The 4ft long, 26.5lb fox was caught by vet Keith Talbot who laid a trap with food after spending Christmas at his parents’ home in Maidstone. “The cat was on the doormat when they (his parents) went to bed and heard some commotion,” said Keith. “They saw a fox going up the drive later on that night. Later that morning, they came out and there was fur and bits of the cat everywhere.”

IT’S been a tough old winter for Britain’s cats. Not only is it fucking freezing, they’re also being eaten by giant foxes (see above) and instead of Whiskers, cash-strapped mum and dad are being forced to buy Tesco-brand cat food instead. And in such troubled times, it’s all too easy for an easily-led kitty to turn to substance abuse as a means of escaping reality. Tragically, this lifestyle choice often has fatal consequences – and tragedy struck again this week with no less than five cat deaths blamed on the new drug de jour for the pussy on the prowl – antifreeze. Apparently, antifreeze is fastturning into the heroin of the cat world as the four-legged felines love the taste of it. Now the RSPCA is appealing to the public to be cautious after five kitties went to that big catflap in the sky in Norwich over Christmas after ingesting antifreeze – taking the total over 250 for the year.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

IRISH NEWS BETTER DEAD THAN JED UNFATHOMABLY, it seems we’re in for at least another year of watching talentless twin fuckwits Jedward after their panto performance in Dublin proved such a success, they’re already selling out shows for next year.

NO longer confined to rubber cages, the freerange sperm was flying in Ireland this week when the morning-after pill was made available over the counter. Bareback lovers were celebrating as Boots began to ship out the medicine under a new initiative which means patients will no longer have to see a doctor first.

In other words, with most people in the country struggling to make ends meet, it appears Jedward tickets rank somewhere between bread and water on the list of household necessities. Despite having no discernable skill or ability, the idiotic pair pocketed more than 100,000 euros for their role in Cinderella as the Fairy Godbrothers and the show has generated more than 1m in ticket sales. And following the mantra of ‘striking while the iron’s hot’, all concerned have already signed up for ‘Jedward and the Beanstalk’ in 11 months’ time. Jedward met another pair of famous brothers over the weekend, when formerly conjoined twins Hassan and Hussein Benhaffaf came to the show. The two ‘Little Fighters’ made their very own presentation to the older brothers – two matching T-shirts featuring pictures of the toddlers sporting Jedward-style hairdos with ‘The Little Jeds’ printed underneath. Please, haven’t they suffered enough?

MONEY MOUNTAIN BIKE TIMES are tough back in Ireland and money is hard to come by. Not so for innovative twoyear-old Katie Campbell who has received a 10,000 euro settlement because a bike fell over in front of her. We’ll just say that again – it fell over ‘in front’ of her. Not on her. Admittedly, it fell from a high shelf and, had Katie been under it, would have done her serious damage. But, as we’ve already mentioned twice, she wasn’t under it. It was in front of her. Katie’s parents reckon she was so traumatised by the incident, which happened in October 2007 (!!!) while browsing in Smyths Toys at Airside Retail Park, Swords, that it severely affected her personality. Apparently, Katie (now six) afterwards

SPERM FREE TO FLOW

showed signs of anxiety and had nightmares. Because we’re sure if the bike hadn’t fallen in front of her, she would never have suffered from anxiety. Or ever had nightmares. On the basis of symptoms including hypersensitivity to noise such as thunderstorms and ﬁreworks, and an unwillingness to engage with other children, a child psychologist diagnosed her as having suffered a post-traumatic reaction of a moderate type. It could be just us, but solicitors for two year olds? Child psychologists? We get the feeling Katie’s overprotective parents may already have a fair bit of cash. All BBM got when a plank fell on our head was a slap from dad and the words ‘don’t be such a girl’.

Until now, women in the Republic seeking emergency contraception first had to go to their GP for a prescription. There had been many calls from the Irish Family Planning Association and other groups for the medicine to be made available over the counter, like in Britain and several other European countries, in order to make it more accessible, particularly at weekends. The morning-after pill prevents conception if taken within 72 hours of intercourse. If only the mother of the Jedward brothers had been told this, tragedy could have been averted.

A FINE MESS IF you don’t want your face rearranging, it’s not a good time to look suspiciously similar to an Irish Government minister. It’s even worse luck if you happen to be a Fine Gael councillor, live quite close to your doppelganger and share a similar phone number. In fact, Derry Canty is getting a tad pissed off with people confronting him because they think he’s Enterprise Minister Batt O’Keeffe. “I keep telling people they’ve got the wrong man but they don’t want to listen,” he said. Canty - a former Mayor of Cork County - said he is now considering carrying identification around with him just to prove the point. “If it gets any worse, I’ll have to start carrying my birth cert with me,” he said.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WORLD NEWS PANTS OF A TRAIN RIDE USUALLY when you see someone on the train without pants, you feel a bit sorry for the poor homeless man. Lo and behold, a few sane people decided to embark upon their commutes doing just that across the world.

With the ﬁrst No Pants Day set up in 2002, only 7 people participated, however this time around 3000 got involved across 43 cities worldwide. We applaud them for being able to keep a straight face as they read newspapers, checked their watches, and met strangers shocked glances with cool nonchalance. However, this isn’t a very innovative idea as every day is No Pants Day here at BBM Towers… as if you didn’t expect that from us.

No Pants Day, set up by prank collection Improv Everywhere, encouraged people to get on the tubes and subways of the world, remove their bottoms and then continue to behave normally.

AS you well know, we are not ones to judge, however we do cast suspicion on those who provoke our doubts. A 54-year-old Polish farmer was recently pulled over for drunk driving, however when he was pulled over the police realized that he was in the company of a goat.

Being three times over the limit, the man claimed his goat had been lonely so he had taken him to a friend’s farm in Kretzyn, Poland to meet up with a female goat. He then said, “They had a few vodkas to break the ice and then some more to celebrate, and by the time he left with his now not so lonely goat he was very drunk.” All sounds a bit Welsh to us.

THE MAC DADDY OF THEM ALL SOME things you just never need to know. Exhibit A: 94-year-old Ramjeet Raghav (pictured), who has taken the title of the world’s oldest dad, has said that he has had to stop his 3 times a night sex sessions with his 50-year-old wife since their ﬁrst son was recently born. Commenting on his horny ways, the randy old goat said, “I’m healthy and I enjoy sex with my wife. I think it’s very important for a husband and wife to have sex regularly.” He then went on to talk about his sexual prowess, saying, “When she asks I will go on all night but for the sake of my child I’ve put our needs aside for now.” Basically, eurgh, sick, gross, oh geez there’s a bit of vomit on our computer screen. This is too much for us, someone fetch the windex!

IT’S hard to discern why, but there is a planet located roughly bloody ages away that’s causing a bit of a ruckus in Patrick Moore’s pants. The planet, called Kepler 10b (named after someone, probably) is rocky! Like Earth! Astronomers everywhere are absolutely ‘aving it. Professor Batalha, who is in charge of the mission which found the planet and has been given the brief, “look for life please,” said the discovery of this planet is a “signiﬁcant step” in ﬁnding something sapient out there. Though if they are going about things only by eliminating all the planets that don’t have life we assume it may take a while.

IT seems Germany can’t stop churning out animals that attract a media frenzy. First there was the 8-legged footballpredicting wonder Paul, and now there is a boz-eyed opossum which has managed to attract 65,000 friends on Facebook and inspired a hit Youtube song... how the hell did it come to this? She’s called Heidi by the way, if you wanna take a look. We know you’re racing to a computer as we speak.

THE children of Tunisia are rejoicing as continued protests force all schools to be closed. Who cares if their parents are unemployed, the reigning president is an ass-wipe, and the police force is chockfull of bastards who’d plumb the depths of the mariana trench just to twat someone? They’re gonna get to play on their Wiis all day! Shabba. It seems independence isn’t going too well for Tunisia, a country only into its second president, as France, America and the European Union all took the time out to say how disappointed they are at the current climate. How helpful of them.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WORLD NEWS WE HEART DRUGS THE medical side of France is about to hit a legal shit-storm after it has emerged the drug Mediator has killed between 500 and 2,000 people.

were issued about its side-effects, as essentially it appears Mediator isn’t a fan of the human heart. Loads of people have ﬁled lawsuits over their prescriptions, understandably, as people don’t like to take things that doctors gave them which knackers your heart.

It was often prescribed to overweight diabetics, but also frequently doled out to people with common and “garden” weight issues (whatever that means).

Leave that to the guys driving round east London in Peugeot 206’s, yeah?

The drug was still on shelves even after a myriad of warnings

QUEENSLAND FLOOD RELIEF APPEAL IN Queensland, an area three times the size of the UK is underwater. Many communities have been devastated while families have lost houses, belongings and even relatives - as grizzly as it sounds. The Queensland Government has launched an appeal to help fellow Queenslanders affected by the recent ﬂoods. You can donate wherever you are, using the following methods. In Person: Donations can be made at all banks, selected credit unions as well as Coles Supermarkets. Via. Phone: You can call 1800 219 028 and donate between 6am and 11pm each day.

JULIAN Assange, currently the only thing Australia’s got to be proud of and the new Maximus Decimus Meridius of political freedom, has revealed he fears for his life due to America’s historically documented lust for blood, and his cavalier attitude to important American documents. The founder of Wikileaks has been pretty sloppily

accused of sexually molesting two women in Sweden, in what many assume would be a nice little pitstop before he landed in Guantanamo Bay. No need to worry about picking up soap there, its more about breaking skulls than backdoors. Every cloud, Julian, every cloud...

Via. Mail: You can send cheques made out to The Premier’s Disaster Relief Appeal (ABN 69 689 161 916) and posted to the following address: Premier’s Disaster Relief Appeal C/O Dept of the Premier and Cabinet PO Box 15185 City East QLD 4002 Via. Internet Banking: The account details for donations are: Account Name: Premier’s Disaster Relief Appeal BSB: 064 013 Account number: 1000 6800 SWIFT code for international donations: CTBAAU2S

GREAT SCOT, IT’S PANDAMONIUM! DID you, like us, believe Scotland is just full of ginger-haired bastards, imaginary monsters, and smack addled hobos? Apparently not, as they have pioneered green technology that left China speechless, and about £6.4 million down. The Chinese Vice Premier, agent provocateur and all-round sensual bastard Li Keqiang made the deal with England’s ugly sister on a 4-day visit to the U.K., buying Scottish technology which turns domestic waste into energy. In slightly more important news regarding Chinese-Scottish relations, the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland has signed a deal with the Chinese Wildlife Conservation Association for two lovely pandas. They have the traditional Scottish names Tian Tian and Yangguang, which shouldn’t pose any difﬁculties for the visitors to the Edinburgh Zoo, and represent the culmination of “ﬁve years of political and diplomatic negotiation at the highest level”. Glad to see everyone’s got their priorities in order.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

SOAPS

EastEnders

CORONATION ST. THIS week one shady resident admits to attacking Tracy, but who will it be? Also, Deirdre confronts the attacker, but the locals defend them rather than her convict daughter.

Meanwhile John admits the truth to Joy Fishwick about her son, and she ends up ﬁghting for her life. We also see more residents depart our screens as a grieving Claire prepares to leave Weatherﬁeld for good.

Peter feels humiliated when he falls out of his wheelchair, and Nick makes a discovery about Peter’s drink problems, encouraging him to get back on the booze wagon – but will this help him win Leanne for good?

Finally, With the air still bad between Lloyd and Chris, bad boy Chris hatches a plan to get one over on his love rival.

EXPLOSIVE scenes, as baby “Tommy” is laid to rest. Ronnie views the funeral from afar, but it proves too much for her.

about her secret affair with Connor, but will the rest of the family ﬁnd out about what’s been going on?

Unable to cope with his guilt She walks into the wake at the for the baby dying, Charlie pub with baby “James”, says announces he is leaving the that it’s all wrong and they square to stay with his daughter should have the baby, but will anyone realise what has actually Lynne. happened? And caught under pressure Elsewhere Darren and Jodie try Jack decides to sell his share of to set Tamwar up on a date with R&R to Phil, but Shirley is put her friend Poppy, but meddling out when Phil suggests hiring Zainab Glenda to work there. soon gets involved. Will Shirley ﬁnd out Meanwhile about their Tiffany has secret affair? confronts Carol

Bob apologises to Turlough and encourages him to exercise. Could he be taking his role as carer seriously? Bob doesn’t encourage Neasa’s advances though. Rachel plans a romantic night out for Paul and Niamh and lands up with Barry as her babysitter.

TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP

Wayne’s blind date doesn’t go according to plan… when a body is found in the canal.

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HOLLYOAKS + DIANE reveals shocking news to her step-daughter Sinead this week, when she announces that her mother isn’t really dead. And there’s more trouble in paradise when Leanne overhears Lee saying he still loves Amy. Theresa is relieved when she ﬁnds out that Kyle’s trial over Calvin’s death has been postponed, which will hopefully buy her some time, as he is still saying that she killed Calvin. And tragedy strikes when 18

Bart steals a car and goes for a joyride with newcomer Ruby, but accidentally hits “Jason” Costello. What’s worse is Heidi has just told “Jason” she’d rather she died then have gender identity confusion. Will nearly losing her daughter teach the family what Jasmine is going through? Nancy is over the moon when Darren proposes, and old Hollyoaks’ fans are in for a treat when Lee’s old partner in crime ‘Bombhead’ returns for his pal’s wedding.

Emmerdale

MAISIE has doubts about the upcoming wedding, and struggles to pick an engagement ring.

She then crushes Nikhil when she admits she doesn’t really love him. Meanwhile, Ryan encourages Andy to persuade Katie to give him another chance. However Katie states there is no chance of a reunion. Maisie and Will decide to leave the Dales behind them and go and start a new life.

All hell breaks loose when an anonymous arsonist starts a fire in the village while everyone is asleep, and Betty fights for her life as Keeper’s Cottage is engulfed in flames.

Viv, Terry, and Brenda also ﬁnd themselves in mortal danger, and things look bleak for Katie, Chas and Gennie at Victoria. All we can tell you is that there won’t be only one cast member killed in the blaze this week, but who will it be? And who started it? BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

GOSSIP JERMAKIN’ ME CRAZY THINGS are a tad up shit creek for the slickest hair in Hollywood, Jermaine Jackson, at the moment. He has been detained in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso - We don’t know where in Africa that is, so we’re not going to pretend. (Our editor did do a seventh grade project on Burkina Faso, but he’s permanently blocked out his school years) The older Jacko had his passport conﬁscated under Californian law because he owes £58,000 in back child support to his former wife Alejandra. Is that who Lady Gaga was

singing about last year? What a slag she must be. Get Jerry Springer ready, because Alejandra already has two kids with Jermaine’s brother Randy. Those Jacksons just get more and more colourful every week! (There’s a very unsavoury joke in there somewhere). BBM puts this down to simple karma. It’s what you get for stealing your brother’s baby mama, not to mention naming your children Jourdynn, Jaafar and Jermajesty.

HOLMES IS WHERE THE HEART IS POOR old Katie Holmes can’t catch a break, can she?

John Travolta, or whatever those crazy Scientologists do.

It’s just emerged that her only acting opportunity of late has gone tits up, as the History Channel have decided not to air the 8-part miniseries about the life of the Kennedys, in which she was playing Jackie Onassis.

One thing they won’t be doing is attending the Oscars, in protest over host Anne Hathaway’s parody of her on a recent episode of Saturday Night Live.

We feel for Katie (pictured here with husband Tom Cruise), she must have really enjoyed being allowed out of the house for a few hours a day instead of cooking placenta soup and praising

According to the Daily Mail, Holmes is so furious at Hathaway that she wants to avoid any confrontation with her.

WE WARNED YOU, LIZ... THAT Silly sod, Liz Hurley, really shouldn’t try to have her cake and eat it. Admit it, the 45-year-old’s misadventures are really quite entertaining for us mere civilians. After getting caught out frolicking with cricketer, and renowned ladies man, Shane Warne, she soon found herself high and dry again, when she caught him sexting another woman. However, she’s now begging her husband Arun Nayar to take her back, but guess what? He’s banging 25-year-old model Kim

Johnson. Gutted. Naturally you’d assume Liz realised the error of her ways in separating from the billionaire, but you’d be wrong. You see, Liz didn’t sign a prenup on her £13 million fortune - which includes a £4.3 million farmhouse in Gloucestershire as well as a £2.5 million townhouse in Chelsea. As for Nayar, he has no assets in the UK Ouch. But for now, let us all admire the photo in the middle. Good times.

WE’RE quite pleased for Peter Andre at the moment; it looks like everything is ﬁnally working out for him. We just vomited in our mouth too, don’t worry. He saw the light, divorced barbie, and ﬁnally met a nice girl. Well Frank Lampard’s ex Elen Rivas to be fair, and she ain’t half bad. The pair have apparently even got round to meeting each other’s children now too, and were spotted leaving Claridges together. Pointing out the obvious differences between her and Jordan, Pete commented, “She is so classy and beautiful – just the change I needed after everything that has happened in the past two years.” Nice dig.

WELL, that was pretty reckless of you Taylor Momsen. The Gossip Girl turned rubbish rocker recently managed to insult the whole of Scotland at her recent gig in Glasgow. Arriving on stage the dimwit shouted, “Glasgow you are looking good tonight. We are The Pretty Reckless and we have heard Glasgow is the craziest crowd in all of England.”

THERE is now proof that God, and karma both exist. Kanye West is ﬁnally getting some comeuppance for his shitty attitude to life and general douchebaggery, and is being sued by a photographer for assault. Apparently the rapper asked his servants, yes he has servants, to beat up a photographer in a New York nightclub back in 2008, to which they loyally adhered to their master’s wishes. Apparently the photographer enjoys the ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ rule.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

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GOSSIP RELAXING ON A LILO UNLIKE many ‘stars on the rise’, good old Tom Hardy is making a name for himself and extending his ﬁfteen minutes. After invading our dreams in Inception, Tom landed roles in the new Batman ﬂick as well as picking up Mel Gibson’s garb for the new Mad Max.

week after being introduced by mutual friends, and according to TMZ he has been “giving Lindsay advice on how to stay sober and Lindsay is seriously listening to him.”

We were about to mention that we hoped he ignored Mel’s love of crazy-ass girlfriends when ﬁlling his shoes but we are too late - Tom’s been acting as a mentor to our favourite relapser, Lindsay Lohan. The pair met for dinner last

But, despite their outing, Hardy is indeed off the market, after popping the question last year to fellow Brit Charlotte Riley, star of Wuthering Heights. Meanwhile, Lilo’s attention is ﬁrmly on her new roommate, who she met during her court-ordered time at the Betty Ford clinic.

HITTING THE SCALES BBM’S favourite old geezer, Vinnie Jones, has notched an impressive role in his quest for Hollywood domination. No, seriously, he has. Jones debuted last week on new television show The Cape where he played a villain named ‘Scales’ because of the freakish skin condition that gives him the appearance of being covered with green and gold scales. Admit it, you want to watch it. The show follows after a bunch of ‘tough guy’ roles in X-Men 3,

The Condemned and Garfield 2. No, really, Garfield. He also was paid £350,000 to participate in Celebrity Big Brother, which ended in controversy (when does it not?) when he described dear Davina McCall as ‘walking like a retard’. At least he wasn’t racist. Vinnie will also star alongside Christopher Walken and Val Kilmer in the new film Kill the Irishman. BBM likes the sound of that one already.

Apparently the bosses were unconvinced by her Geordie accent, but Fox boss Peter Rice told reporters that “If Cheryl was to be on the show, I think she’s proved that she’s a terriﬁc judge.” Unlike those terrible American remakes of international shows (see side

She told a German magazine that “I’ve tried a lot of things but apart from working out and a good diet most things don’t help.” “I even tried Botox but I didn’t like how my face looked afterwards. Now I don’t use it anymore - and I can move my forehead again.” Of course, it was a German journo so maybe there was something lost in translation - or at least that’s what her publicist will claim. In previous interviews she said, “I have nothing in my face or anything.”

2011 is gonna be our year! First Scarlett Johansson splits with Ryan Reynolds, then Mila Kunis ends a relationship we never realised she had. Now, Keira Knightley has left actor Rupert Friend. Keira’s father conﬁrmed the news to The Sun, who say she has been left heartbroken even though the decision was mutual. Don’t worry, love, come rest your head on our shoulder.

CHERYL IS A FOX IN a follow up to our Christmas cover story (See mother, we really are journalists), Cheryl Cole is ready to join the American X Factor after passing the ﬁnal hurdle, winning over the Fox Network bosses.

YEARS after denying the reports, Nicole Kidman has ﬁnally admitted that she has used Botox in the past.

story), the format will stay pretty much the same. “It will be four judges as it is in England – It’s two men, two women... one of which will be Simon,” Peter conﬁrmed. The identities of the two men were not revealed. Cole has already been making good preparations for life in Los Angeles by bagging herself American dancer Derek Hough. Ladies, you’re going to have to google Derek as we’ve made the judgement call to feature Cheryl to accompany the article. Nice.

BBM knows better than anybody the pain that Americans put us through when they remake our television shows - now they’re remaking Skins and Shameless! Well the Brits are getting revenge with the new BBC program Episodes. The show tells the tale of two BAFTA-winning writers whose show is remade by Americans, and the grumpy old lead character is replaced by Matt LeBlanc. We can’t wait. Take that, you crazy Yanks!

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THE WRAP LUKEWARM THE house music superhero, Laid Back Luke, responsible for producing Show Me Love, Shake It Down and Hey is heading Down Under.

28th Jan: The Met, Brisbane 29th Jan: Platinum, Gold Coast 4th Feb: Billboard, Melbourne 5th Feb: Greenwood Hotel, Sydney

WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE

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The announcement follows another successful year for Laidback Luke, which saw the release of club smashes Timebomb, Till Tonight and Indestructible. For the full tour dates, visit bbmlive.com

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LITTLE FOCKERS

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TRUE GRIT

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LITTLE FOCKERS

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SEASON ... WITCH

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I’M ON A BOAT AFTER a huge 6th Birthday party Cruise back in November SHE have announced full details of their return to the water on Australia Day. The party is set to continue with the Ofﬁcial After Party @ ivy featuring Aussie icons TV Rock. Date: Wednesday 26th January, 2pm Where: Sydney Harbour / ivy

HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE

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GUY SEBASTIAN

BRUNO MARS

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ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

TONIGHT

WHAT’S MY NAME?

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MATT CARDLE

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BLACK EYED PEAS

THE TIME

FIREWORK

KATY PERRY

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WE R WHO WE R

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A NOVEL IDEA GAMERS, geeks, sci-ﬁ nuts, graphic novel fans and nerds of Sydney rejoice: the Armageddon expo hits town next month.

FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.

Guests include Indiana Jones star Karen Allen, Survivor castaway Ami Cusack and many more. Date: February 26 and 27 Where: The Dome, Olympic Park

ON BBMLIVE.COM THIS WEEK SPACE IBIZA REVIEW When I was a child I always dreamed of travelling to outer space. Then I realised it would be comparable to being in jail, except with less exciting company who soiled themselves in their work attispace ibiza djre. Thankfully in my later life I discovered Space in Ibiza.

COMPETITIONS KATE Nash returns to Australia with a new album, a new look and an evolutionary sound. Not only will she be playing at Playground Weekender, she’s also visiting Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. Thanks to our mates at Playground, BBM has a double pass to give away to your choice of Kate’s sideshows.

TV Rock will jet into The Ivy this Australia Day to headline a huge homegrown line up of over 20 DJ’s & performers for this extra special event across the stunning ivy courtyard, Lounge & Den. Tickets are available online www. experienceentertainment.com.au but BBM has three double passes to the event to give away to you, our wonderful readers.

THANKS to Schick, BBM is wellequipped to help our male readers achieve a fresh start in 2011. We have a bunch of Schick Hydro 3 and Hydro 5 razors to give away - and if you’re lucky you may score some extra goodies to help you celebrate Schick’s ‘Unexpected Burst of Hydro.’ The Hydro 5 razors are available in stores right now.

FROM the writers of Saw IV, V and VI, The Collector tells the tale of an ex-convict who plots a heist at his new employer’s home. In Solomon Kane, an exmercenary embarks on an epic quest, facing his older brother who he once left disfigured. In Piranha, a sudden underwater tremor sets man-eating fish free. BBM has five copies of each to give away!

TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/COMPETITIONS.HTML 24

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REVIEWS BLACK SWAN CAST

DIRECTOR

RELEASED

RATING

Natalie Portman Darren Aronofsky January 13 Mila Kunis (The Wrestler) In Cinemas (MA15+) BLACK Swan is a hard one to place into a single genre - there’s elements of horror, thriller, drama yet it revolves around Swan Lake. Instead of the mess that was Aronofsky’s The Fountain, this is a very simple characterdriven film in the same vain as the awesome Wrestler. This is a good thing. Natalie Portman has been generating Oscar buzz for the role, with good reason too. She holds together all the elements - the crazy, the bizarre, the melodramatic - to put in a career best performance, without which the film would fall flat on its face.

It’s actually quite enjoyable to watch Portman’s character crack from the perfect persona her mother has groomed her to be, in her quest to excel as the Black Swan. That’s a bit psychotic, isn’t it? My bad. Speaking of her mother, Barbara Hershey (Beaches) is great as the psycho parent. You can just imagine some of those mothers on Toddlers and Tiara’s turning into this character in a few years. Black Swan is a real mindf*ck, a quality ﬁlm that you’ll need to watch twice to try and get your head around. Or to see the girlon-girl action again. That too. Ben Harlum

THE RAPTURE DATE

6th January 2011

VENUE

Metro Theatre, Sydney

SUPPORTS

Erol Alkan Strange Talk

THE notion that The Rapture would lose their touch following the departure of Mattie Safer is an absolute fallacy, and given the show they put on at the Metro, they remain at the top of the indiedisco game. The young, suntanned, festival-type crowd danced and sang its way through a fairly staple set of Rapture songs, which included highlights such as House

of Jealous Lovers, No Sex for Ben and Whoo! Alright - Yeah... Uh Huh Interestingly, not many people danced to Whoo! I did, maybe too enthusiastically as I overheard someone say “look at that old fucker going for it!”.

bass with ease. The band premiered 2 new tracks in the encore, no-one knew what they were called but take it from me, the creative juices are well and truly ﬂowing from these New Yorkers. Northern Soul Poster Boy

The band took us on a journey from smooch, to indie, to nu-rave and back again, the sound system at the Metro handling the heavy disco-punk

FIELD DAY 2011 ONCE again, Fuzzy has proved they know the best way to begin the year by putting on a stellar line up at the tradition that is Field Day.

DATE

New Years Day 1/1/2011

VENUE

The Domain, Sydney

LINEUP

Justice Duck Sauce Public Enemy Peaches

In a sea of sunburnt shoulders, the timetable was divided into live and DJ performances, of which both proved to be of equal entertainment. A welcome variety was on show this year. While noisepop duo Sleigh Bells belted

out crunchy riffs, Cool Kids did the bump and grind with gangster force. DJ’s Aeroplane and Tensnake produced worthy sets splicing their own tunes with a mixed bag of party beats to keep the boppers boppin’. There was more of a relaxed vibe this year, with the heat sending many under the trees. Luckily, a stage or two were within ﬁst pumping reach.

As the sun set, we were welcomed back to the ﬁeld by psychedelic Tame Impala and festival favorites The Rapture proving why we keep coming back to them. Things got a little spooky in the evening when Justice scared the crap out of me. They sent everyone a bit batty. Side note: I successfully went the whole day without hearing Barbra Streisand – personal victory. DJ Xan

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REVIEW

NOW first up, this is not your usual Fuzzy fashionforward crowd. Peat’s Ridge is a family-friendly festival focused on environmental sustainability, set in a gorgeous valley only one hour north of Sydney with a good variety of acts including bigger names like Angus and Julia Stone and Trentemøller, along with numerous smaller Australian acts and artists. The setting is truly stunning, with the festival taking place in Glenworth Valley, where the slogan could be “greener than your Woolworths shopping bag”. There’s dirt roads, horse poop obstacles, an emu enclosure and a shallow river to bathe in on those scorching hot “I can literally feel myself getting sunburnt” days. So if nature’s not your thing, you might want to sit this one out. Stretching beyond the idea of a typical music festival, Peats Ridge is literally jam-packed with activities and events including art, theatre, karaoke, cabaret, a face-painting tent and an open-mic stage if the off-beat offerings inspire you to pump out a performance. My companion and I literally said the phrase “there are just SO MANY THINGS

here” about 100 times during the course of the three days. Highlights included the cruisy crowd pleasing Angus and Julia Stone, the multitalented and multitasking Seabellies, and the DJ acts who rounded out each night of the Lyrebird covered tent stage (drinks up to Freq Nasty), despite a sound hiccup at the beginning of Itch-E and Sctrach-E. On actual New Year’s Eve, there was no lack of visual stimulation, with the set-up including a glow-in-the-dark painted tunnel with UV lights, circus performers and thefriendly fancy-dressed crowd wrangling in the new year in a suitably sauced manner. Despite there always being Things To Do, it was nice to just grab a mate and wander around, watching the action unfold. My heart is still melting at the two people I mistakenly assumed were costumed as the elderly (I’m talking 80 plus here) during the epic light, smoke and laser musical experience that was Danish delight Trentemøller. Turns out they actually WERE an elderly couple exchanging pecks and fist

pumping with the best of them as 2011 arrived. A wonderful end to 2010, as a slightly bungled countdown at the main stage took away from the actual tick-over moment, but didn’t do damage to the night as a whole, as smiling faces kissed and hugged all around us. A nice, well-organised, little chilled out festival for those who are feeling over the Field Day/ Parklife/Shore Thing/likewise day-long bender. Reviewed by Taryn Stenvei Photography by Nathan Root

COMPETITION Wanna party with Mani from Primal Scream/Stone Roses? WE’VE teamed up with our buddies at the World Bar and wrangled absolute indie legend Mani (Primal Scream/Stone Roses) for an exclusive DJ set at Teenage Kicks on Thursday 27th January. Firstly, before you do anything else - and this one’s a no brainer - get together some pals and email your names to competition@what-media.com to get on the priority BBM guestlist. Easy. Plus... for a couple of lucky so-and-sos selected at random from this very guestlist, we’ll be giving away one double pass to see Primal Scream on Saturday the 29th and one double pass to see the Complete Stone Roses on Friday the 28th (both at Selinas in Coogee). But you greedy, unwashed bastards just want more don’t you?! Ok... How’s about the chance to win the ultimate indie package? You’ll get to hang out with Mani on the night while he DJs in the World Bar’s exclusive VIP DJ booth (!!!), receive a 7 CD pack (including LCD Soundsystem, Chemical Brothers, Jamie T, Teenage Fanclub & Dandy Warhols), 2 Coopers Pale Ale Shirts and 2 famous World Bar Teapots (tm). For your chance to get your mits on it, go to www.facebook.com/teenagekickssydney, ‘like’ the Teenage Kicks page, tag yourself on the Mani poster and comment with your favourite Primal Scream/Stone Roses tune. Then say, “Thank you BBM and thank you World Bar.” And party. 28

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INTERVIEW

swan-SONG

THIS AINT YOUR PARENT’S SWAN LAKE No, BBM hasn’t undergone a relaunch to target the ballet market. We’re simply excited for new film, Black Swan, a thriller / horror / drama hybrid that takes place in the world of New York Ballet and stars Natalie Portman. Generating Oscar buzz, the film will be a force to be reckoned with once it opens in cinemas on January 20. BBM caught up with Kristina Anapau, who stars in the film as Galina, on the eve of the film’s Australian premiere. You hold a Bachelor of Science degree, you trained to be a ballerina since you were 5 - how did you end up as an actress? When I was 16, living in Hawaii and immersed in classical ballet training and studies at the University of Hawaii, I auditioned by chance for a film that Universal was shooting in Hawaii called Escape from Atlantis. I had never acted before, but ended up getting a lead role in the film. I was cast as the princess of Atlantis. Shortly after wrapping the project (two weeks to be exact), I moved to LA to continue pursuing a viable outlet for my new found interest, while continuing both my college studies and rigorous ballet training. In 2005 you worked on Cursed, what was it like working with Wes Craven? Working with Wes and the entire cast of Cursed was such a pleasure. Wes had a way of whispering the perfect direction right before a scene and creates a very calm environment on set. I learned so much from both Jesse Eisenberg and Christina Ricci... Such a great cast. Dare I say your highest profile role will be in Black Swan - silly question but I’m sure the ballerina experience helped you out in that audition? Yes, my ballet training was essential in getting the role of Galina in Black Swan. After reading for [director] Darren Aronofsky in Los Angeles,

he sat me down beside him, showed me a clip of a dancer dancing a very difficult solo in Swan Lake, and asked if I could put that piece on tape for him. I said ‘sure, no problem’ as if it was the easiest thing in the world. It was not. I had not danced en pointe for years, and ended up losing my big toenail in the process, but I got the part... and gave the toenail to Darren as a wrap present 3 months later. Wes Craven and Darren Aronofsky are two of the more innovative directors working today, how do they compare - speaking from experience? Both Wes and Darren have very clear visions of what they want from a scene and from an actor’s performance. The climate on Wes’s set is a bit more relaxed than on Darren’s, which is a pleasure, but the work ethic that Darren inspires is amazing. I look forward to working with them both again. Tell us about your character, she competes with Natalie Portman’s character... Galina is a soloist in the company, competing for the lead part in Swan Lake. She’s ambitious, a bit catty, and highly competitive. It’s an intense film, but what can those who haven’t seen it expect? Intensity is an understatement. I was on the edge of my seat in the premiere and I knew the script! It’s beautifully shot, aesthetically spectacular, and the acting performances are incredible. I wouldn’t be surprised if Natalie wins the Oscar. She did an absolutely phenomenal job. Black Swan opens on January 20. If you missed our review, flick back a couple of pages to read it!

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INTERVIEW BBM’s Jeremy Williams recently caught up with Ben Duffy, lead singer of sensational electro band Fenech Soler, whilst they were driving between Wrexham and Stoke on the UK leg of their tour. They’ll be hitting Australia next month for Good Vibrations across the country. How has the UK tour been so far? It’s been good, we’re about 3 and a bit weeks into it, maybe a bit longer so we’re kind of chilling into the motion of it now. We had a brief trip to America last week, which is good, breaking it into two sections so it’s been great. We’re playing at a lot of places we haven’t been to before and a lot of places we have, but so far, it’s been good. Have you got any plans to go abroad in the near future? I think when we ﬁnish the tour in London at Heaven, and then we’ve got a couple of shows in Italy the week after that, and we’re doing a festival in Bilboa, so we’re looking forward to that, so yeah I think we’ll be doing a few things. We did a few dates in Germany over the summer, so I think we’ll be back over there. I know to people over here we’re kind of a new band, but certainly over there we are, so it’s quite nice going over there and starting the ball rolling. Are you excited to visit Australia for Good Vibes? Yeah we’re really looking forward to doing Good Vibrations in February, which is Sydney, Gold Coast, Perth and a few other places. We’re working with Shock Records, so our record will be out over there shortly before the festival. What is it about electro that attracts you? For me personally, around 2006 when electronic guitar bands started to come out, I was inﬂuenced by that period. We didn’t want to be an indie band with a keyboard - I think electronic music compared to other genres can hit many levels, making it quite special. It was people like Daft Punk, Chemical Brothers, Soulwax, the big electronic acts that really got me interested in it. I can’t speak for the four of us, but I think pop music and a love for melodies has certainly always played a big part.

INTERVIEW Sydney four-piece The Jezabels are on the road again. Exhausted from the night before, but riding high on their ever growing success, rhythm guitarist Sam Lockwood admits to BBM’s Jeremy Williams that he ﬁnds it “strange, the minute you get talked about, there is all this hype.”

The Jezabels play The Hot Barbeque on January 22, Laneway Festival on February 4 and the Adelaide Uni O-Ball on February 26.

With the release of their third EP, Dark Storm, within an 18 month period The Jezabels have been putting in the hard slog and have been duly rewarded with praise from critics and radio play, notably for the single Hurt Me. However, Lockwood admits “We didn’t really notice it until recently, I guess, it is hard to notice that stuff in the real world.” Clearly wishing to ignore the growing pressure that comes with success, The Jezabels are happily working away at what they do best, “pop rock with a female vocalist.” The formula is easy enough but many have failed. Yet this group formed at Sydney University seem to have struck a chord with the hearts of a nation. However, it could have all so easily gone wrong. Childhood friends Hayley Mary and Heather Shannon moved together from Byron Bay to Sydney for university. Sam recalls “It is a funny story, Hayley I knew from Byron. I knew Heather too, I remember meeting her but she doesn’t remember meeting me, which is ﬁne. Nick, I met him at uni and he was playing something, I liked the song he was playing. That was a good way to meet, through music. We got drunk together one night, then Hayley and I showed him some songs really drunkenly. We thought we’d never see him again. I think he saw our worst at the start, so it’s been quite smooth from then on.” With Dark Storm proving a cross-between The National and Florence & The Machine, Sam suggests a listen to “Sahara Mahala”, as “there is just a moment in the third verse, where Hayley and Heather do this vocal harmony thing. When I heard that, after it had been mastered, I was like ‘wow, that sounds like an actual band’.”

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SYDNEY NEWS AN ENGAGING SKYWRITER TRYING to find a news story from Sydney that doesn’t involve guns, hospitals or D-List celebrities is the hardest job BBM goes through each week, if you don’t include cleaning our sports editor’s cage. So we apologise in advance for resorting to a piss weak ‘feelgood story’ you’d normally find at the end of a news bulletin (and it’s not even an adorable koala-related story!). A Sydneysider hired a skywriter to propose to his girlfriend, Behnoosh, who said yes. Throughout Sydney, other girls named Behnoosh were unknowingly agreeing to an unscheduled proposal. Her fiance also attempted but failed to have a song dedicated to her on the radio. The cheapskate can’t even afford iPod speakers. Skywriting Australia pilot Rob Vance said it took him 12 minutes to write the message. “It’s pretty exciting stuff,” he said as we vomited in our mouth a bit.

MAD MEX GETS NAKED BBM’s favourite mexican outlet have just opened a bunch of new stores to share in the Chili Con Queso goodness. Yum. To celebrate, they’re giving you $2 off any Naked Burrito for the month - score! For locations, visit madmex.com.au and make sure to tell them BBM sent you.

GASTRONOMICAL! ON our travels, BBM has been faced with some tough tasks - avoiding mosquitoes, being attacked by a stampede of horses and a stripper that may not have been as feminine as we originally thought. One thing we’ve always ensured, however, is that a decent toilet is nearby. You just never know when your food will disagree with you, especially on our diet of dodgy Kings Cross kebabs. It seems like nothing is sacred, as almost 100 people have fallen ill as a result of a Bankstown bakery. Bread?! Is nothing sacred? The health department has said that 97 people suffering salmonella food poisoning went to Bankstown Hospital’s Emergency Department after most ate at a Bankstown bakery, which has since been temporarily shut down. Another 20 people visited nearby emergency wards with salmonella infections as a result of the bakery’s cruel plot to take over the world.

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WHAT’S ON SYDNEY: PLAYGROUND WEEKENDER

Playground Weekender 2011 WHILE your usual one-day festivals have you working up a sweat trying to race between stages to catch your favourite acts, Playground Weekender 2011 is spread over four days - so you can sit back, relax and enjoy everything the festival has to offer, including of course the ace lineup of live bands and DJ’s. Located a mere ninety minutes outside of Sydney, on the Hawkesbury River, the festival can we summed up in one word - unique. Voted Best Crowd and Atmosphere in 2009 and 2008, there’s a reason why so many have escaped the city and visited the coast for a mix of international artists, local talent and a lot of quirky fun over the four days.

out. We’ve highlighted our favourite six below, but for more information visit playgroundweekender.com.au Where: Del Rio Riverside Resore, Wisemans Ferry NSW When: Thursday February 17 - Sunday 20th February Cost: $199 (Three Days) and $249 (Four Days)

Just some of the highlights on offer include six stages of music, an outdoor cinema, cabaret, a cocktail bar, a relaxing riverside area, international cuisine, market stalls, the biggest fancy dress party, the Club Tropicana swimming pool and a bunch of other surprises. Get your tents ready, and if you’re keen there’s also a bunch of sideshows happening around the country for you to check

KATE NASH: Nash fast became the it-girl of England’s indie scene, and with a stack of hits under her belt, her live show is one that will have the party in full swing. 16th Feb: Metro, Sydney 18th Feb: Billboard, Melbourne

DOVES: The Manchester locals are known for their large, epic sound, which combines dovetailing guitar lines with driving percussion and a penchant for atmospherics. 15th Feb: Hi-Fi, Brisbane 17th Feb: Enmore, Sydney 19th Feb: Forum, Melbourne 21st Feb: Metropolis, Perth

I AM KLOOT: The big-sounding trio are renowned for their witty, twisted lyrics that carry a grainy texture and startling emotional power. 17th Feb: E. Brunswick, Melbourne 18th Feb: Gaelic, Sydney

TRICKY: After a debut album that all but deﬁned the trip-hop genre, Tricky has come to be recognized as one of the vanguards of a new musical revolution. 14th Feb: Capitol, Perth 16th Feb: Forum, Melbourne 19th Feb: Metro, Sydney 20th Feb: Zoo, Brisbane

LAMB: After testing the waters Down Under last summer, the Manchester duo return. 17th Feb: Prince of Wales, Melbourne 18th Feb: Hi-Fi, Brisbane

KOOL & THE GANG: Formed in the mid ’60s, Kool & the Gang became one of the most inﬂuential funk units during the ’70s, and one of the most popular R&B groups of the ’80s following Celebration. 15th Feb: Palais, Melbourne 18th Feb: Enmore, Sydney 20th Feb: Zoo, Perth

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MELBOURNE NEWS FLASH GIT ON THE PROWL ADMITTEDLY, when it comes to pleasures of the flesh, BBM can be a little bit too direct for some women. Our idea of foreplay, for example, is asking how much for oral. But there’s one group of sociopaths who make even your humble scribe look like a tantric sex Casanova. We’re talking long brown rain macs. We’re talking grubby grins and leering peepers. We’re talking no undercrackers. We’re talking, of course, about flashers. And it seems we’ve found ourselves quite the serial cock-shower this week with police on the hunt for a bloke who’s shown his bits to no less than six women in separate incidents around Thirteenth Beach near Barwon Heads. The phantom flasher apparently “wilfully and obscenely exposed himself” to them before jogging away towards Black Rock. Victims told police he wore running shorts and a singlet or T-shirt. A singlet? What a fucking freak of nature.

A SUICIDAL possum cut power to more than 400 homes and caused major delays for commuters this week after frying itself on residential power lines. The blackout caused chaos for public transport users to the west of the city. Signals at Newport station failed, leaving thousands of city and regional train users to endure major delays on the Williamstown and Werribee Metro lines and V/Line services to and from Geelong.

*** ONE of those horrible-looking scruffy bastards who try and clean your window at trafﬁc lights went ape shit after a woman declined his cleaning offer this week. The 29-year-old woman waved off the man when he approached her car at the corner of Alexandra Parade and Nicholson Street in Fitzroy. But instead of shufﬂing to the next car, he instead went purple-faced and sprayed the windscreen of the green Toyota Corolla with water from his squeegee. He then opened the driver’s side door and tried to grab her arm but she drove off. So that would be a clean getaway then... (insert groan here)

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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE

LEWIS Carroll’s classic, Alice In Wonderland, might have undergone Tim Burton’s typical treatment last summer, but for those who prefer life a little ﬂufﬁer, Australian Shakespeare Company’s staging of this children’s favourite is more a nod to the 1951 Disney animation.

have you singing and dancing before it even begins. No need to ﬁnd a child to take with you, just let the child inside come to life once again. When: Until January 29 Where: Rippon Lea House and Gardens, Hotham Street, Elsternwick

Staged in the magical Rippon Lea Gardens, this promenade piece will

WHAT better way to get in the mood for the impending Australia Day celebrations than with a veritable musical feast? With headliners including Mos Def, Roger Sanchez and the Hoodoo Gurus, Hot Barbeque is without doubt an unmissable affair. However, we would advise checking out a few of the notable upcomings as they could

steal the show. Our personal tips are Triple J favourites Boy & Bear, rapper on the rise Illy and global superstars in the making The Jezabels. When: Saturday, 22nd January Where: Point Nepean, Portsea Cost: $85 for First Release Website: futureentertainment.com.au/ thehotbarbeque

FILM star Judy Garland had two daughters. Whilst her youngest, singer and actress Lorna Luft, never escaped her mother’s shadow, her eldest is now only known as Liza. With her rich vocal and ﬂawless acting, Liza was the perfect replacement for her tragic mother. Yet, Liza’s life of drugs and short-lived marriages soon ﬁlled the tabloids, and she was

HAVING made her babysteps in the music industry as part of the touring band for celebrated Icelandic music experimentalists, Múm, Olof Arnalds is gradually getting the recognition she deserves for her solo outing. Whilst she spent her early adulthood battling against her musical persuasion, Arnalds ﬁnally caved in aged 26 and decided to make it her

Liza (On An E) is a warts and all exploration of a true talent. When: 23 & 30 January Where: The Hi-Fi, Swanston Street Cost: $40

sole focus. A new mother, her latest album, the delicate “Innundir Skinni” (Within Skin) is a tender offering that is perking up the ears of a global audience. When: Tuesday 26th January Where: The Toff, Second Floor, Curtin House, Swanston Street

IT’S the big rivalry and it’s coming to a head this weekend. Melbourne Victory will take on Melbourne Heart in an epic A-League game. If the ﬁrst game was anything to go by then the third installment of the Melbourne Derby should be a cracking affair. Melbourne Heart won the ﬁrst encounter 2-1 thanks to Alex Terra’s second-half volley.

written off as a wreck.

The second saw Victory get the victory (pun intended) 3 - 1 after Robbie Kruse scored a ﬁrst-half double followed by Adrian Leijer nine minutes into the second half. When: Saturday, 22nd January Where: Ethiad Stadium

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WHAT’S ON PERTH

A band who have sold more than one million albums The Black Sorrows have also seen several lineup changes over the years, with Joe Camilleri being the only constant member of the group.

CANADIAN maestro of shimmering pop delights, Owen Pallett is returning to Australia. He’ll be showcasing tracks from his highly acclaimed orchestral pop masterpiece, Heartland.

When: Saturday January 22nd Where: Mundaring Weir Hotel Amphitheatre Cost: $50

When: Saturday January 22nd Where: Fly By Night Club Cost: $46

2010 was a breakthrough year for Gasoline Inc. The six-piece band from Fremantle has impressed thousands with their energetic, hardhitting sounds that show off their instrumental talents. From supporting INXS in Broome, to rocking to thousands of fans in Melbourne as part of the AFL Grand Final celebrations, the band has made the decision to relocate to Melbourne in 2011. Having just come off another Melbourne tour, Gasoline Inc are rehearsing hard to make their ﬁnal Perth show a memorable one. When: Friday January 21 Where: Fly By Night Club

FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle

ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge

ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth

DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth

THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle

MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth

ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge

THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge

HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island

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RECRUITMENT

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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other beneﬁts are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com

JUST CUTS are seeking fully qualiﬁed hairdressers, friendly and interactive professionals who pride themselves in doing quality cuts every time. If you love working in a team environment and are looking for a new exciting challenge email Maxine.mm@optusnet. com.au or ph 0734919626. Salons around Australiagreat chances to move around the country!

MELBOURNE

PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call jerry on 03 9867 6322 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555

SYDNEY NEED CASH??? North Shore promotion team needs a few outgoing extraverts who enjoy people and have “The Gift of the Gab”. If you are friendly, have a good smile and can get to work on time – join the excitement! CASH PAID EVERY NIGHT! Evening, Weekday and Sat/ Sun days. You need good English and a bright optimistic attitude. Call Dave the Coupon Guy 11am-2pm on 0402 568 680.

HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY: Bar Staff, Promo staff, admin staff etc. Do you have an outgoing personality & great presentation? Excellent pay rates with ﬂexible hours of weekdays, weekends or nights. Call or 02 8399 1768

‘ATTENTION’ Interested in working in the great Outdoors? Voted “Best Job in Sydney” for a backpacker. The Trackless Train that operates Tours through the Royal Botanic Gardens (on Sydney Harbour) is currently looking for staff. A suitable position for a female. The successful applicant will be working directly with the public so you’ll need to possess an outgoing and positive attitude. Requirements • Needs current work visa • Maturity • Full drivers licence • Reliable & Honest • Well mannered & presentable For more information, please contact Darren on 0417 001911.

CALLING ALL WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS! -Earn great money while you’re here -Be part of an international network of companies -Fun and energetic environment Jobs available in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide and regional areas! 02 92111022 or email jpappalardo@appcogroup.com.au www.appcogroup.com

INDUSTRIOUS RECRUITMENT is currently looking for casual staff with experience in: Warehousing, Labouring, Stores, Process Work, Green card and safety boots are an advantage – however not essential! Various assignments, short & long term! Email Ciara@industriousrecruitment.com.au or call on 02-9270 5234

SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney ofﬁces. As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to

resumes@internode.on.net

BBM-591 // JOB LISTINGS

ADULT EMPLOYMENT -BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV

TRAVELLERS, STUDENTS & LOCALS Several vacancies exist @ our friendly well established full service parlour @ Darling Harbour. We have flexible shifts, caring female management, great pay ($150 p/ hr) and a very safe environment for sexy ladies.Great place for newcomers. Call 02 9660 5942 after 11am for a confidential chat. www.club121.com.au info@club121.com.au

Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour

NO SEX

www.sirs.com.au 80 ERSKINE ST. SYDNEY CBD

Female Masseurs Required $110 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team

92997771 (02) 96990055 NIRVANA 400 Cleveland St, Surry Hills www.nirvanasydney.com.au

GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $110 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team

(02) 9357 6145 AT MICHELLES 135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com

KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au

BBM-591 // JOB LISTINGS

JOB LISTINGS

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BBM-591 // JOB LISTINGS

ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840. Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms for $160 a week max 4 bed dorms, doubles and singles rooms also available $300 a week - in the heart of the city. Call 02 9211 4454 for details

DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION - Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.

MELBOURNE FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park. Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566

BBM-591 // ACCOMMODATION

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ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY

SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!

JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au

PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.

BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au

MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL 428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au

THE ROYAL HOTEL 370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au

SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com

NEWCASTLE

BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au

BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865

HUNTER VALLEY

GOLDCOAST

HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800

KATOOMBA KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

JINDABYNE SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au

BYRON BAY AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!

ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

NAMBUCCA HEADS NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

LAKE TABOURIE LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

QUEENSLAND BRISBANE TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)

COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free

GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au

GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au

NOOSA

MISSION BEACH

www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

spbr@bigpond.net.au

CALOUNDRA CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au

MOOLOOLABA MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com

MACKAY

NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com

HERVEY BAY NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com

ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH

28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

BBM-591 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com

WHITSUNDAYS BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

AIRLIE BEACH MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1105 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

RAINBOW BEACH PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!

WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au

ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au

www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

MONKEY MIA TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060

MONKEY MIA MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

BBM-591 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

KUNUNURRA KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

VICTORIA MILDURA RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

HALLS GAP BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

MELBOURNE GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051 (opposite Queen Vic Market)

Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!

EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA

78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE

196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay

EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com $5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au

Australia THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS

450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.

HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au

ST. KILDA OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com

APOLLO BAY APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au

NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au

HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more

SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”

CHRISTCHURCH CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

QUEENSTOWN BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new ﬂashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER

CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS

AUCKLAND

WELLINGTON

NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com

NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakeﬁeld Street Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night

$5 off ﬁrst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off ﬁrst night if you mention this ad

GREYMOUTH

KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz

KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND

DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz

THE RUSTY ANCHOR

NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.ﬁjinadibayhotel.com/ TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach

NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPaciﬁc Harbour P.O.Box 416 Paciﬁc Habour Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz

BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfiji.comwww. beachcomberfiji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfiji.com www.aquariusfiji.com

THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fijibeachouse.com www.fijibeachouse.com SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfiji.com, Skype name: Smugglers Cove

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandﬁji. com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachﬁji.com

BBM-591 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES

SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs

SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre

Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!

SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef

SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

NEW ZEALAND SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com

NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

FIJI

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA

SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers

THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au dive@fishrock.com.au World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!

NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au

SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

FIJI SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA

YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au

JET BOATING

NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA

The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.

ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022

RAFTING

GLACIER GUIDING

AUSTRALIA

NEW ZEALAND

OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au

Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au

HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au

JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au

RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA

SURFING

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au

AUSTRALIA

BUNGY JUMPING

SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com

AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience

MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au

AUSTRALIA

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

KITESURF 1770 / IKO CERTIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au

Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.

BBM-591 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

CRYSTAL BALLS Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week dissertation was about.

that you haven’t left in seven months is pathetic.

Libra Cancer

TWO points of information for

You came to the land Down

YOU and your sort are the

you in the stars this week.

Under to make the most of

worst kind of flatmate scum.

Your boyfriend is getting so old

its many delights – the Great

he now has dry dreams and

Barrier Reef, Fraser Island and

wet farts.

the Outback.

Oh, and it’s still socially

Instead you’ve managed to

unacceptable for a girl to piss

conquer every bar in Sydney

You think no one knows but the

standing up in a back alley as

and not much else.

way you magically appear as

your “date” keeps the coast

Aries

soon as someone buys a crate

clear.

YOUR girlfriend’s extra-

of food shopping has tongues

curricular activities are well

wagging and revenge being

known to everyone but yourself.

plotted.

Late night raids on everyone else’s food is unacceptable unless you’re at scout camp.

Aquarius YOU’RE doing well just now.

Scorpio

I can tell you it’s about to get

The only reason your mates

EVERY time he walks into the

even better for you.

don’t tell you is that they would

room you get goose bumps

Leo

and ache to feel his body close

A homosexual will give you a

I HATE you Leo and in all

to yours, but you know that

piece of advice that you will

To be honest, despite having a

honesty I really don’t know why

sleeping in the same bed as

later rely on to place a large,

face like a dog licking piss off a

I bother writing about you.

your brother is pretty weird so

successful bet with a heavily

a full on physical relationship is

set thug from the docks.

have to stop tag teaming her.

nettle, she has had more hands up her than Sooty.

You are all a bunch of

really bad. You’ve always wanted to be

degenerate scumbags and when you meet your maker you

That’s why you had to leave

buggered by George Michael

Taurus

will be confined to the burning

England in the first place.

but this guy will service your

YOU always claim you want to

pits of hell.

ass.

quit smoking yet still spark up By the way your brother will call

Sagittarius

you today. If you don’t have a

MOST men have pet names for

Pisces

You continually tell everyone

brother then this will surprise

their girlfriends, but perhaps it’s

STARING really intently at

you’re serious about quitting,

you quite a bit.

best if they are kept private.

girls you fancy does not create

at every opportunity.

yet there’s not a pack of

sexual tension – it makes them

nicotine gum in sight.

How do you expect to retain

think you’re planning a sex

Virgo

your manly-man status with

attack.

Instead you quit for a few hours

FOR months you complained

the lads if every time you’re out

and then spark up somewhere

about being homesick but now

with your missus you refer to

Strange as this may seem,

between your first and third

your visa is running out, the

her as Toodles, before pouting

just try chatting to them ... oh

pint.

rose tinted specs have cleared

your lips and batting puppy

bollocks to it, you’re a lost

and you have remembered

dog eyes.

cause – just get a filthy hooker instead.

that you live in a pestilence of

Gemini

a town.

Capricorn

In other news, this week you

people shift in their seat, fidget,

Meanwhile you need to go

TRAVELLING is tough. It’s

meet a woman who will have a

yawn and chuckle falsely when

wash your hands. You’re a sick

about finding yourself and

huge baring on your life.

you’re talking?

individual this week because

becoming an emotionally richer

you discover pushing a baby

person.

HAVE you noticed the way

Her name is Fiona, but in future

It’s because you’re boring

stroller is fun, but pushing a

them. People really couldn’t

baby stroller backwards is more

Telling some 19-year-old

‘that mad bitch who’s made my

give a toss what your Uni

fun.

backpacker this in the local bar

life a misery.’

years you will refer to her as

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

ASK CRYSTAL Dear Romario,

up against the back window of

Dear Anna,

THE FACT you have to write to

your freshly washed car as a

DO I look like some kind of

me to ask what your girlfriend’s

shadowy figure moves vigorously

agony aunt? Do I look like I have

comments mean makes me think

behind her.

a magic eight ball to help you out

you really are mentally ill.

with your meaningless problems? I really hope that helps. By the

She is clearly humping someone

way, when she is done with him

For the record it seems like you

else – is it not obvious you

can you please ask her to pass

really have a tough decision to

absolute tit?

on his number to yours truly.

make. You have to decide if you

THE OTHER night when I asked

It’s simple mathematics – your

Dear Crystal,

enough to grin and bear it and

my girlfriend if we could have

name is Romario, his name is

MY one-year visa is almost

get your visa extension.

some fun she replied: “Fun is

Michael, two plus two does

finished and I’m dreading the

what I have with Michael.”

equal four.

thought of going home.

When I asked her what she

I took pity on you, decided to do

My only hope is to marry my

excuse for a human being he’s

meant she just went red and said

a little snooping around and took

Australian boyfriend. He seems

going to want to get balls deep

she hadn’t said anything and that

some rather interesting photos

keen but my only problem is

to your tonsils.

I’m mentally ill. I know that’s not

which I have sent to you.

that he’s absolutely repulsive.

Dear Crystal,

could stomach this slimeball long

But remember this – all the time you are with this shocking

He smells, his personality is

Can you really handle getting

Maybe you can confirm if that is

non-existent and he makes love

pummeled for two minutes a

your girlfriend’s face squashed

like he’s stuffing a turkey.

night by a guy who smells like

What should I do?

a shitty nappy and is hung like

true and I know what she said. Help me. Romario, Sydney

Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@britishballs.com

Anna, Melbourne

an ant?

JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS

I’VE just bought a girls virginity on eBay for $5,500. Unfortunately for her, ten of my mates chipped in. Timothy, Perth I MADE a chicken salad today. The feathery bastard didn’t even eat it. Roger, Randwick MY wife’s fanny tastes like a tropical fruit. She’ll let any mango in there. Ted, Leeds ON breaking up with me, my girlfriend said she faked all her orgasms. To make matters worse, she’s a squirter. Rick, Darwin KATE Middleton asked the Queen the secret to a successful marriage. The Queen said: “Wear a seatbelt and don’t piss me off.” Dexy, Surry Hills I TRIED that thing today at the petrol station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but I let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on $20.03. “Bollocks!” I shouted and walked into the shop 58

to pay. “Unlucky, mate,” smiled the attendant, who’d seen what I’d done. “Don’t worry about the extra.” “Cheers, mate,” I said as I handed him my tenner and fucked off. John, Wollongong I DON’T understand rich people. They get to go out killing pheasants and foxes with riﬂes and people clap and cheer. I killed a horse, which is ten times the size of a pheasant and people just cried. Plus I didn’t even have a gun, I had to use a hammer. Jack, Chicago “HOW depressing, it’s so cold and grey,” said the wife. “Well, it is winter,” I replied. Then I noticed the dead elephant in our front room. Peter, Yorkshire MY next song is about subtraction. Take it away. Jimbo, Townsville BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Manchester United Manchester City Arsenal Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea Sunderland Bolton Wanderers Newcastle United Blackpool Blackburn Rovers Stoke City Everton Liverpool Fulham Birmingham City West Bromwich Albion Wolverhampton Wanderers Aston Villa Wigan Athletic West Ham United

Pl 20 22 21 21 21 22 22 21 20 22 21 21 21 21 20 21 21 21 21 22

W 12 12 12 10 10 8 7 8 8 8 8 5 7 4 4 6 6 5 4 4

D 8 6 4 6 5 9 9 4 4 4 3 10 4 10 10 4 3 6 9 8

L 0 4 5 5 6 5 6 9 8 10 10 6 10 7 6 11 12 10 8 10

LEAGUE 1

CHAMPIONSHIP +/24 17 20 6 17 3 5 3 -4 -6 0 -2 -4 -2 -5 -13 -13 -15 -15 -16

Pts 44 42 40 36 35 33 30 28 28 28 27 25 25 22 22 22 21 21 21 20

Queens Park Rangers Cardiff City Norwich City Swansea City Leeds United Watford Nottingham Forest Reading Millwall Burnley Coventry City Leicester City Derby County Doncaster Rovers Hull City Barnsley Bristol City Portsmouth Ipswich Town Middlesbrough Shefﬁeld United Crystal Palace Scunthorpe United Preston North End

Pl 25 25 25 26 26 24 23 25 25 24 26 26 25 23 25 24 25 24 24 25 25 25 23 24

W 13 13 12 13 11 11 9 9 9 9 10 10 10 9 8 9 8 8 8 7 7 7 7 5

D 9 4 7 4 8 6 10 10 9 8 5 5 4 7 9 6 7 6 4 5 5 4 2 4

L 3 8 6 9 7 7 4 6 7 7 11 11 11 7 8 9 10 10 12 13 13 14 14 15

+/27 10 8 6 3 12 11 10 8 6 -1 -7 4 1 -3 -5 -6 -3 -6 -9 -16 -18 -14 -18

Pts 48 43 43 43 41 39 37 37 36 35 35 35 34 34 33 33 31 30 28 26 26 25 23 19

Brighton and Hove Albion Southampton AFC Bournemouth Huddersﬁeld Town Peterborough United Charlton Athletic Shefﬁeld Wednesday Milton Keynes Dons FC Oldham Athletic Hartlepool United Rochdale Colchester United Brentford Exeter City Plymouth Argyle Notts County Carlisle United Swindon Town Leyton Orient Tranmere Rovers Yeovil Town Bristol Rovers Walsall Dagenham & Redbridge

Pl 22 23 23 24 22 22 22 23 22 21 22 21 23 23 24 21 21 23 21 22 22 22 23 22

W 12 12 11 12 11 9 10 10 8 9 8 7 9 8 8 9 7 7 7 7 6 5 5 4

D 7 4 6 3 3 7 3 3 8 5 7 10 4 6 6 2 7 7 6 5 5 8 4 6

LEAGUE 2 L 3 7 6 9 8 6 9 10 6 7 7 4 10 9 10 10 7 9 8 10 11 9 14 12

+/22 23 19 8 2 4 12 -4 -1 -3 4 0 -2 -7 -7 1 5 -4 -2 -8 -13 -14 -20 -15

D 4 3 4 5 4 7 5 3 8 7 5 5 5 7 7 6 4 3 3 5

L 3 5 5 5 6 4 4 8 4 6 8 7 7 7 7 8 9 11 12 11

Pts 43 40 39 39 36 34 33 33 32 32 31 31 31 30 30 29 28 28 27 26 23 23 19 18

Chesterﬁeld Rotherham United Wycombe Wanderers Port Vale Crewe Alexandra Bury Shrewsbury Town Cheltenham Town Gillingham Torquay United Oxford United Bradford City Accrington Stanley Northampton Town Stevenage Football Club Morecambe Southend United Macclesﬁeld Town Burton Albion Aldershot Town Stockport County Barnet Lincoln City Hereford United

Pl 22 22 23 22 23 22 22 23 23 22 23 23 22 23 21 22 22 22 21 22 25 24 20 22

W 13 11 11 11 9 10 9 9 9 8 9 9 6 7 6 7 7 7 6 6 5 6 5 4

D 6 8 7 6 8 5 7 7 6 8 5 3 10 7 9 6 5 5 7 7 9 4 4 7

L 3 3 5 5 6 7 6 7 8 6 9 11 6 9 6 9 10 10 8 9 11 14 11 11

+/20 16 7 9 17 12 10 1 4 8 -1 -7 -1 -7 5 -3 -2 -8 2 -8 -27 -16 -14 -17

Pts 45 41 40 39 35 35 34 34 33 32 32 30 28 28 27 27 26 26 25 25 24 22 19 19

EUROPEAN LEAGUES

FOCUS ON... FRANCE IF you think the Premier League’s actually exciting for once this year, take a shufty at Ligue 1. Just ﬁve points seperate the entire top half of the table, from Montpellier in 10th with 27 points to leaders Lille on 32. And to underline how closely matched the clubs are this season, NO team in the top half took maximum points at the weekend. Every club was in action, but it was draws and defeats all the way down to Montpellier. In fact, the only certainty about the Frenchy top ﬂight this season is that Arles-Avignon will go down because they’re absolute dog shit.

Lille OSC Paris Saint-Germain Rennes Olympique Lyon Olympique Marseille Saint-Etienne Stade Brest Girondins Bordeaux Toulouse FC Montpellier HSC FC Sochaux FC Lorient AS Nancy AJ Auxerre OGC Nice Valenciennes AS Monaco Caen RC Lens AC Arles-Avignon

Pl 18 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 18 19 19 19 19 18 18 19

W 8 8 8 8 7 7 7 6 8 7 7 7 7 4 5 5 3 4 3 1

D 8 7 7 7 8 8 7 9 3 6 4 4 4 11 8 7 10 6 7 5

L 2 4 4 4 4 4 5 4 8 6 8 8 7 4 6 7 6 8 8 13

+/12 9 6 5 10 6 5 3 1 -4 6 -2 -5 3 -4 0 -1 -9 -15 -26

SERIE A Pts 32 31 31 31 29 29 28 27 27 27 25 25 25 23 23 22 19 18 16 8

AC Milan Napoli Lazio AS Roma Palermo Juventus Internazionale Udinese Sampdoria Bologna Cagliari Fiorentina Genoa Chievo Parma Catania Cesena Lecce Brescia Bari

Pl 19 19 19 19 19 19 17 19 18 19 19 18 18 19 19 19 18 19 19 19

W 12 11 10 9 9 8 8 8 6 6 6 6 6 5 5 5 5 5 4 3

LA LIGA +/17 10 7 3 10 9 9 2 3 -5 3 0 -2 -2 -4 -7 -8 -18 -11 -16

Pts 40 36 34 32 31 31 29 27 26 24 23 23 23 22 22 21 19 18 15 14

FC Barcelona Real Madrid Villarreal CF Valencia CF RCD Espanyol Atlético Madrid Getafe CF RCD Mallorca Athletic Bilbao Sevilla FC Hércules CF Real Sociedad Deportivo La Coruña Racing Santander Osasuna Málaga CF Levante UD Sporting Gijón UD Almería Real Zaragoza

Pl 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18

W 16 15 11 10 10 8 8 8 8 8 6 7 5 5 4 5 4 2 2 2

D 1 2 3 4 1 3 3 3 2 2 4 1 6 5 6 2 3 7 7 7

L 1 1 4 4 7 7 7 7 8 8 8 10 7 8 8 11 11 9 9 9

+/47 30 16 7 -1 5 3 2 -3 -4 -4 -6 -9 -10 -6 -14 -10 -12 -15 -16

SCOTTISH PREMIER Celtic Rangers Heart of Midlothian Kilmarnock Inverness Caledonian Thistle Motherwell Dundee United St. Johnstone Aberdeen Hibernian St. Mirren Hamilton Academical

Pl 20 17 19 19 20 19 17 18 19 19 19 18

W 14 13 12 9 7 7 6 6 5 4 4 2

D 4 2 3 3 6 3 6 3 2 4 4 6

L 2 2 4 7 7 9 5 9 12 11 11 10

+/28 20 18 11 4 -1 -3 -12 -19 -11 -16 -19

Pts 46 41 39 30 27 24 24 21 17 16 16 12

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

Pts 49 47 36 34 31 27 27 27 26 26 22 22 21 20 18 17 15 13 13 13

FOOTBALL RESULTS Wednesday, 12 January Barclays Premier League Blackpool 2-1 Liverpool Carling Cup Ipswich 1-0 Arsenal Clydesdale Bank Premier Dundee Utd 2-0 Motherwell Hamilton 1-1 Celtic Blue Square Premier AFC Wimbledon 0-0 Luton Scottish Cup Threave Rovers 1-5 Stenhousemuir PBS Welsh Premier League Carmarthen 1-3 The New Saints ---------------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 11 January The FA Cup Wycombe 0-1 Hereford Carling Cup West Ham 2-1 Birmingham Npower League One Bristol Rovers 2-2 Walsall Huddersfield 3-2 Plymouth Oldham 0-6 Southampton Peterborough 2-1 Brentford Npower League Two Stockport 3-3 Rotherham Torquay 2-1 Crewe Blue Square Premier Darlington 3-1 Histon Kidderminster 4-1 Kettering Mansfield 2-5 Fleetwood Town Tamworth 3-2 Newport County York 1-0 Grimsby Scottish Cup Falkirk 2-2 Partick Thistle Hearts 0-1 St Johnstone Queen of South 1-2 Brechin The FA Carlsberg Trophy Eastwood Town 4-3 Rushden & D’mnds Southport 0-1 Gateshead Blue Square North Alfreton Town 2-0 Workington Boston Utd 3-0 Hinckley Utd Gainsborough 1-1 Vauxhall Motors Stafford Rangers 0-2 AFC Telford Stalybridge 0-2 Nuneaton Blue Square South Bishop’s Stortford 1-1 Weston-S-Mare Bromley 0-3 Chelmsford Dover 2-2 Woking Ebbsfleet United 1-0 Hampton & Richmond PBS Welsh Premier League Aberystwyth 2-1 Airbus UK Llanelli 2-1 Haverfordwest Prestatyn Town 2-0 Bala Town Carling Premiership Donegal Celtic 1-1 Cliftonville ---------------------------------------------------------Monday, 10 January The FA Cup Crawley Town 2-1 Derby Scottish Cup Rangers 3-0 Kilmarnock Blue Square North Worcester 0-2 Corby Carling Premiership Crusaders 1-0 Glenavon ---------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 9 January The FA Cup Chelsea 7-0 Ipswich Leicester 2-2 Man City Man Utd 1-0 Liverpool Tottenham 3-0 Charlton Scottish Cup Berwick 0-2 Celtic Dundee 0-4 Motherwell ---------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 8 January The FA Cup Arsenal 1-1 Leeds Blackburn 1-0 QPR Bolton 2-0 York Brighton 3-1 Portsmouth Bristol City 0-3 Sheff Wed Burnley 4-2 Port Vale Burton Albion 2-1 Middlesbrough Coventry 2-1 Crystal Palace Doncaster 2-2 Wolverhampton

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

Fulham 6-2 Peterborough Huddersfield 2-0 Dover Hull 2-3 Wigan Lincoln City 3-4 Hereford Millwall 1-4 Birmingham Norwich 0-1 Leyton Orient Preston 1-2 Nott’m Forest Reading 1-0 West Brom Scunthorpe 1-5 Everton Sheff Utd 1-3 Aston Villa Southampton 2-0 Blackpool Stevenage 3-1 Newcastle Stoke 1-1 Cardiff Sunderland 1-2 Notts County Swansea 4-0 Colchester Torquay 1-0 Carlisle Watford 4-1 Hartlepool West Ham 2-0 Barnsley Npower League One Bournemouth 3-0 Plymouth Dag & Red 0-1 Rochdale Exeter 1-1 MK Dons Oldham 2-0 Swindon Tranmere 3-3 Walsall Yeovil 2-0 Brentford Npower League Two Accrington Stanley 1-0 Bury Aldershot 1-2 Oxford Utd Bradford 1-3 Barnet Crewe 3-0 Wycombe Northampton 1-1 Cheltenham Shrewsbury 1-3 Morecambe Southend 2-3 Chesterfield Stockport 1-5 Gillingham Blue Square Premier Barrow 1-2 Cambridge Utd Bath City 0-0 Luton Darlington 0-0 AFC Wimbledon Eastbourne Boro 1-3 Mansfield Forest Green 1-0 Fleetwood Town Gateshead 2-2 Kidderminster Hayes & Yeading 2-1 Tamworth Rushden & D’mnds 1-2 Altrincham Southport 2-1 Newport County Wrexham 2-0 Grimsby Scottish Cup Aberdeen 6-0 East Fife Dundee Utd 0-0 Ross County Hamilton 2-0 Alloa Hibernian 0-0 Ayr Inverness CT 2-0 Elgin Montrose 2-2 Dunfermline St Mirren 0-0 Peterhead Blue Square North Alfreton Town 5-3 Stalybridge Corby 2-2 Guiseley Droylsden 2-1 Worcester Gloucester 0-1 Boston Utd Hyde 1-0 Stafford Rangers Nuneaton 3-2 Blyth Spartans Redditch 2-3 Hinckley Utd Vauxhall Motors 1-0 Gainsborough Blue Square South Basingstoke 1-0 Woking Bishop’s Stortford 2-0 Boreham Wood Chelmsford 1-0 Weston-S-Mare Dartford 0-1 Thurrock Ebbsfleet United 3-2 Dorchester Lewes 1-4 Eastleigh St Albans 1-1 Bromley Welling 4-0 Staines Town PBS Welsh Premier League Aberystwyth 0-2 The New Saints Bangor City 6-0 Haverfordwest Llanelli 3-1 Bala Town Port Talbot 3-0 Newtown

FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague.com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.

Prizes (in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100

TEAM

MANAGER

TOT

alovelycupoftea

James Horrocks

1174

Dizzying Heights FC

Siva Iyer

1166

Mukin Fagic

Luke Gately

1124

every week you

dan magee

1110

Evertonian

John Armitage

1101

Stop, Hammertime!

Paul Steadman

1097

Alcohol Fc

Ron f

1093

Ozzies Allstars ***

James Osborne

1081

Holy-family ‘B’ team

Pat Mustard

1073

TippytappyFC

Richie Egan

1073

Tallulah

Neil Weaver

1070

Your Ma’s Athletic

brian o gorman

1059

Rootin & Tootin

Oisin Coveney

1055

Red Incas

Mark Stansﬁeld

1048

bobby dazzlerz

tom mcelwain

1037

Alan’s Deep Bath

jason kerley

1034

----------------------------------------------------------

Juggernauts

Gaurav Rana

1032

Wednesday, 5 January Barclays Premier League Arsenal 0-0 Man City Aston Villa 0-1 Sunderland Blackburn 3-1 Liverpool Bolton 1-1 Wigan Everton 2-1 Tottenham Newcastle 5-0 West Ham Wolverhampton 1-0 Chelsea

Arsenal

Brian Harvey

1031

cocksocks fc

ally livingston

1012

ReturnOfDaLouts

Brian Manton

1012

-------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 4 January Barclays Premier League Blackpool 1-2 Birmingham Fulham 3-0 West Brom Man Utd 2-1 Stoke Npower Championship Cardiff 2-1 Leeds

New Entry

Ranking Increased

Ranking stayed the same

Ranking Fell

WORLD SPORT TAKING THE PURSE BOXING: Fraudley Harrison has been handed £1.5million for flapping his arms around and looking like a big girl in his WBA title dance-off with David Haye. After landing just one ‘punch’ before falling theatrically to the ground in three rounds, there were calls for Audrey to have some of his purse from the match withheld. Instead he’s getting the full whack after a chat with the British Boxing Board of Control. It’s unclear whether Audrey started crying like a five-year-old in the meeting. An official statement said: “The stewards of the British Boxing

Board of Control have accepted Harrison’s explanation and will not be taking the matter any further.” And despite his powder-puff performance in Manchester, 39year-old Audrey intends to carry on boxing. British and Commonwealth champion Dereck Chisora was critical of Audrey’s decision to continue, saying: “He’s going to box on, but who’s going to buy the tickets to go and watch him? Even if he gives them to you for free are you going to go and watch? Good luck to Audley anyway.”

FORMULA ONE: Whiny voiced cock Martin Brundle will be the BBC’s Voice of Formula One this year, with David Coulthard joining him in the commentary box. Brundle stepped up to the lead role hours after the even more annoying Jonathan Legard, the main commentator for the past two seasons, announced he was leaving. Legard’s departure is seen as a personal victory for Brundle over long-standing rumours that he and Legard fucking hated each other. “I’m absolutely delighted and very motivated that BBC Sport has asked me to become the lead F1 commentator alongside David Coulthard,” said Brundle, in a pitch only dogs could hear.

OLYMPICS: England rugby legend and all-round knobhead Clive Woodward says the British Olympic Association (BOA) was right to shelve his plan for an Olympic coaching programme until after the London Games. “I agreed with the board as everybody is ﬂat out and we must concentrate fully on 2012,” said Woodward in full arse-kissing mode. “I’ve got a big team working for me now so even I have to completely focus on London. It’s the correct call and I will pick the coaching idea up again post 2012.”

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

TENNIS FEATURE THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN

IT’S the start of the tennis season people and that can only mean one thing, another year of nearmisses and abject failure for Andy Murray is just around the corner. The Tartan twat’s miserable run continues next week at the Australian Open in Melbourne, where he will almost certainly bow out in the later rounds with a straight sets defeat to either Rafa Nadal or Robin Soderling. The Open kicks off on Monday, with ﬁfth-seed Murray facing Slovakian no-mark Karol Beck. Top seed Nadal takes on Marcos Daniel, while Roger Federer faces Lukas Lacko. In the women’s competition, the top seed is

Danish hotty Caroline Wozniacki, who takes on Gisela Dulko. Wozniacki isn’t the real top seed though. If they hadn’t been out injured at the end of the year, the Williams sisters would be occupying the top two spots. Samantha Stosur, currently Australia’s only ﬂickering hope of sporting success considering the nation has turned shit at every sport except women’s surﬁng, will face American wildcard Lauren Davis.

TOP FIVE WAYS ANDY MURRAY HAS LET BRITAIN DOWN... 1. AUSTRALIAN OPEN 2010 After beating a crocked Rafa Nadal in the quarter ﬁnals, hopes were high that Murray could go all the way for once. Instead he got spanked by Roger Federer in the ﬁnal in straight sets, leaving the Scotch blubberpuss crying into his kilt on live TV. You failed your nation again Murray. Boo fucking hoo.

4. WIMBLEDON 2009 After winning at Queens without dropping a set, Murray was all set for a big Wimbledon. Things looked even better when Nadal pulled out through injury and Murray was promoted to second seed, meaning he’d not meet Federer until the ﬁnal. He didn’t get that far though, instead choking to Yank twat Andy Roddick in the semi.

2. US OPEN 2008 Murray first filled a nation with false confidence in 2008 when he fluked his way to the US Open final, the first Brit to reach a grand slam final since Greg ‘not really British’ Ruzedski in 1997. True to form, he let everyone down by getting thumped in straight sets by Roger Federer.

3. AUSTRALIAN OPEN 2009

5. GETS BACK WITH EX One of the best things about being a professional tennis player is meeting all the hot women tennis players. So when we heard Murray had split with long-time partner Kim Sears, we were eagerly awaiting news that he’d slipped his Scottish sausage into Ana Ivanovic or Maria Sharapova. Instead the idiot got back with his missus a couple of months later. What a let down.

Murray (pictured right) stoked the fires of confidence as high as they’d ever been when he started the 2009 season by beating Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal to win an exhibition tournament in Abu Dhabi. He followed that with a successful defence of his title at the Qatar Open in Doha, beating Federer again. So how did he do in his first Grand Slam of the year? He went out in the fourth round to Fernando Verdasco. Choker. 64

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

FOOTBALL WITH LORNA EVIO

NO MANAGER IS SAFE… UNLESS YOUR NAME’S ALEX IT’S A new year and we all know what that means - new managers. Last week, the bets were out on who the next manager to get the chop would be. The contestants were Gerard Houllier, Avram Grant, Roy Hodgson and Carlo Ancelotti. It was getting to the point were we actually believed it wouldn’t happen to Hodgson, given the guy seemed to have more than nine lives. But it ﬁnally happened last week, he left Liverpool under ‘mutual consent’ - which as we all know means he was sacked and paid off to stop him dishing dirt on the club. There is only one manager who can be assured his job will still be there next season and that’s Alex Ferguson - the man with an ability to keep his side playing distinctly average football while every other team in the league crumbles around him. Hopefully, it will change this month. It’s

January and time to go shopping for players. No prizes for guessing the ﬁrst team to open their wallets. Moneybags Manchester City may have bored their way into second spot, but their fans do not want boring, and their owners don’t want second. Edin Dzeko is their latest bargain buy at a cut-price £27.5m, brought in to spice things up on ﬁeld and lessen the reliance on Carlos Tevez, because you never know when he will be playing or lying on a beach somewhere. While West Ham and Aston Villa are currently in the relegation zone, Chelsea are in far more serious decline sitting in the Europa League zone. That’s right, the second grade competition created to remind teams they are not in the top four. A new manager is not what Chelsea fans are asking for. They do not even need the team to play exceptional football, just get some results and get back into the top four – if only to stop United fans predicting Chelsea will win the Europa League next year.

Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground

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Most savvy travellers think they know what to expect on the Gold Coast; brilliant beaches, super Surfers Paradise nightlife, theme parks galore and the best looking talent in the country. But only a plucky few explorers uncover more than the travel guides are willing to admit. How’d they miss 100,000 hectares of world heritage rainforest, 500 kilometres of canals, the year round water sports or the sacred indigenous landmarks? Perhaps they just weren’t up for the challenge. Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground.

BBM-591 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

FOOTBALL

WEEKEND PREVIEW

EARLY KICK-OFF GUIDE SWANSEA

WEEKEND FIXTURES

C PALACE

Saturday 15th January Barclays Premier League Chelsea v Blackburn Man City v Wolves Stoke City v Bolton West Brom v Blackpool West Ham v Arsenal Wigan Athletic v Fulham

LLWWL LEAGUE FORM DLDLW 4TH LEAGUE POSITION 22ND KICK-OFF: 11.45PM (SYDNEY) WORTH STAYING UP FOR RATING:

WHAT WE SAY ON paper this should be a routine victory for Swansea. And in reality it will be as well. We really can’t see any hope for Palace getting a result from this one. Swansea have one of the best home records in the Championship while Palace have lost 10 of their 13 away games this season and also have the worst goal difference in the division. Combined with the less-than inspiring managerial appointment of Dougie Freedman this week, Palace could be facing a hiding. Prediction: Swansea 4-0 Crystal Palace

WHAT THEY SAY Brendan Rodgers (Swansea) on the club’s striker shortage: “We have got other good strikers. We have got Stephen Dobbie and Craig Beattie. We have got Shefki [Kuqi] who is sitting outside the squad as well. Until these players go then they they may well have a contribution. If you look at Cedric van der Gun. I’m not one that totally closes players out. Cedric is one that hasn’t been in the squad, but he has been training very very well.”

Dougie Freedman (Crystal Palace): “The aim of this season is to stay up - I have no fantasies about that. I want to stay in this division and I will be whatever I can to make sure that happens. I want to create siege mentality and I believe I know how to achieve that because I saw what happened last season.”

...QUOTES OF THE WEEK... “The focus before the game was how we would win 5-0. We established that if we did just 20 per cent of what it would take to win 5-0 we would still win the game. Our game plan was to get to ﬁve. Three wasn’t ﬁve, but it was a decent result.” Graham Westley gets over the fact

his Stevenage side could only manage to score three against Newcastle.

compares El Hadji Diouf to Splinter from the Ninja Turtles.

“For many years he’s been the ‘gutter’ type of boy. I was going to call him a sewer rat, but that might insult the sewer rats.” Neil Warnock

“They should rename it Twatter - and anybody on it should be renamed. Too many tweets make a twat.” Mick McCarthy’s not a fan of Twitter.

THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!

with ace pundit Chris Kamara

“THE Liberia team escaped imprisonment by holding Gambia to a goalless draw in 1980. The Liberian Head of State, Master Sergeant Samuel Doe, had threatened to jail them it they lost. Unbelievable Jeff!”

npower Championship Bristol City v Middlesbrough Burnley v QPR Coventry v Sheff Utd Doncaster v Reading Hull City v Barnsley Leeds Utd v Scunthorpe Millwall v Ipswich Norwich v Cardiff City Nottm Forest v Portsmouth Preston NE v Leicester Swansea City v C.Palace Watford v Derby npower League 1 Brighton v Peterborough Carlisle Utd v Bristol Rovers Hartlepool v Dag & Red MK Dons v Tranmere Plymouth v Oldham Rochdale v Leyton Orient Sheff Weds v Charlton Southampton v Notts County Swindon v Yeovil Walsall v Huddersfield npower League 2 Barnet v Shrewsbury Bury v Aldershot Cheltenham v Accrington Chesterfield v Stevenage Crewe v Port Vale Gillingham v Northampton Hereford v Stockport Lincoln City v Wycombe Morecambe v Torquay Oxford United v Bradford Rotherham v Southend Clydesdale Scottish Premier Aberdeen v St Mirren Dundee Utd v Hearts Hibernian v Celtic Kilmarnock v St Johnstone Motherwell v Inverness CT Rangers v Hamilton Acd’

More pencil-moustached punditry and footballing facts next week folks!

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FOOTBALL

NEWS ROUND-UP

KENNY KOPS MORE OF THE SAME WHAT’S the difference between Kenny Dalglish and Roy Hodgson? Fuck all apparently. “Sometimes it doesn’t matter how good the player is, you need belief. We’ll work hard on giving them that,” said Dalglish, shortly after his side’s belief-inspiring come-from-ahead 2-1 defeat to Blackpool.

More-ego-thantalent winger David Bentley has swapped Spurs Reserves for Birmingham’s Reserves after agreeing a loan move to the West Midlands. Bentley was supposed to be a replacement for Newcastlebound Seb Larsson – but that deal has stalled with Larsson failing to agree personal terms with the Toon. Brum are still hoping to tie up a deal with

Rangers for Championshipstandard striker Kenny Miller this weekend.

said, forgetting Canada isn’t strictly in America.

The man with the worst record in Premier League history has replaced Roy Keane as manager of Ipswich Town. Paul Jewell will take charge of his ﬁrst Tractor Boys game this weekend.

First it was Ulrika Jonsson, now it’s Yakubu who’s fallen foul of the inexplicable pulling power of Sven-Goran Eriksson. The Everton striker has agreed to a loan move to Leicester City for the rest of the season.

Welsh wind-up merchant Robbie Savage could be off to Canada if Derby don’t extend his contract. The midﬁelder is considering an offer from the Vancouver Whitecaps. “The chance to be part of making soccer popular in America, alongside people like David Beckham and Thierry Henry, is obviously very tempting,” he

The lovable, charming and allround nice guy Craig Bellamy has been arrested and bailed on charges of assault. The Cardiff striker was taken into custody after a ﬁght at around 2.45am on Caroline Street in Cardiff city centre. Two men, aged 20 and 26, sustained facial injuries which did not require hospital treatment at the time.

More managerial merrygoround antics with Charlton set to appoint former Addicks full-back Chris Powell as manager. And after turning down Charlton, Crystal Palace, Peterborough, Southampton and every other club south of Rutland, Bournemouth boss Eddie Howe looks set to be named Burnley’s new manager.

Cash-strapped Man City are set to ofﬂoad Roque Santa Cruz and Shaun WrightPhillips this week. “Roque will probably go to Blackburn,” said Roberto Mancini. “It is the same situation for Roque and Shaun Wright-Phillips. He has two or three options.”

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FOOTBALL

FEATURE

CELEBRATION LEADS TO FITZ FIGHT LIKE throwing the salad from your kebab at passing cabs, or pissing up against a nightclub wall in plain view of the general public – there’s something strangely life-afﬁrming about breaking a law that’s rarely enforced. The footballing equivalent would be the pitch invasion, which is supposed to be an inmproptu burst of emotion to celebrate an exceptional result, but is really just an excuse to cop a feel of your favourite player and try to get on telly.

And so it proved for Stevenage in the FA Cup this week when supporters rushed the pitch following their superb 3-1 win over Newcastle. Unfortunately, the emotion of it all proved a tad too much for drunk Stevenage fan Rob Fitzgerald – who rushed onto the pitch with fellow fans at the ﬁnal whistle, and promptly punched defender Scott Laird in the face with a sweet right hook, knocking him to the ﬂoor. Fitzgerald has now been

arrested.

those champions of journalism The Sun.

“It’s so out of character as he has never been in trouble before and is not a thug, he just goes to work like any normal person,” his dad supposedly told a newspaper yesterday, not adding the words “in his job as a psychopathic hair-trigger karate instructor and freelance mugger”. With most Match of the Day viewers justiﬁably mystiﬁed by this turn of events, the truth was eventually uncovered by

Fitzgerald’s girlfriend (who was at the match) claims she “dated” Laird a couple of years ago, it ended badly and that her “tipsy” current boyfriend had just been defending her honour. Laird said they never dated. Which reading between the lines means he shagged her as a one-night stand and then tossed her. Still, nice to see she’s got herself a real gentleman now…

BBM’S TOP FIVE PITCH INVADERS... PICKLES THE PISSING DOG

over

Before becoming a famous alcoholic, Jimmy Greaves used to be an England striker and in the 1962 World Cup quarter ﬁnal with Brazil in Chile, had to chase and catch a dog that had run onto the pitch. The best bit was to come, however, when the dog pissed all the Spurs striker as he handed him over to ofﬁcials.

KARL POWER England’s most famous pitch invader could probably have this feature all to himself, having played on Centre Court at Wimbledon, walked out to bat for England at Headingley during an Ashes Test and performed the Haka during the warm-up for an England rugby match against Italy. His invasion debut is still the one he’s remembered for though, running onto the pitch before a Manchester United l Champions League match dressed in full United footbal gear and managing to get on the team photo before security ﬁnally twigged he wasn’t a real player.

JIMMY JUMP rank Compared to Spain’s Jimmy Jump, Karl Power is a ism amateur in the pitch invasion stakes. Jimmy’s anti-rac antics have taken him to basketball, tennis and rugby greatest games, and even the Eurovision song contest. His off effort came just before the 2010 World Cup ﬁnal kicked to the between Spain and Holland. Not only did he run on Cup pitch, he also managed to get a hand on the World and put a miniature red hat on it. He was quickly decked by a security guard with a deft throat chop.

THE ROGUE BEACH BALL It could all have been so different for Liverpool… Rafa Benitez could still be in charge, the Reds could have turned their season around, Fernando Torres might actually still care. Instead a beach ball, thrown onto the pitch by a young fan, diverted a Darren Bent shot past Pepe Reina and consigned Liverpool to a third defeat in four games in October 2009. It’s been downhill for Liverpool ever since.

PINK SUIT MAN As if sensing that last October’s Premier League clash between Sunderland and Aston Villa would be a dull affair (hardly the most difﬁcult of predictions to be fair), one bloke decided to liven things up – by running onto the pitch dressed from head to toe in a skin-tight, bright pink bodysuit.

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SPORT GUIDE 64

Contents PAGE 72 Football Top Five: Pitch Invaders PAGE 70 Football News: Kop that Kenneth! PAGE 68 Early Kick-off Preview: Swansea v Crystal Palace PAGE 66 Football View: With Lorna Evio PAGE 64 Australian Open: Murrayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s biggest failures

PAGE 62 World Sport: Money box

PAGES 60 & 61 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables

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