BBM Magazine Feb. 25th 2011 by bbmlive.com

CONTENTS ISSUE 597

The Cover

Review

COWELL PLAY - 8 While sharing a table with Danni Minogue and Louis Walsh is BBM’s idea of hell, apparently Katy Perry is up for the task as a new judge on The X-Factor.

GOOD VIBES - 14 We sent our intern James out to experience his f rst Australian music festival. After being hounded by sniffer dogs, this review was the result.

Regulars

Interview

Sport

FENECH SOLER - 10 Drummer Andrew Lindsay dishes the dirt on the band’s new album and what exactly Fenech Soler means.

CARLING CUP - 78 It’s the Carling Cup f nal and Arsenal take on Birmingham. It’s time to look back at BBM’s favourite League Cup f nals.

6 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 26 28 32 46 60 64 68 70 70 72 82

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GOSSIP INTERVIEWS WRAP REVIEWS SOAPS IRISH NEWS UK NEWS WORLD NEWS SYDNEY MELBOURNE PERTH RECRUITMENT CLASSIFIEDS HOSTEL LISTINGS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES SCOREBOARD SPORT

BBM MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon

john.mcmahon@what-media.com

EDITOR Ben Harlum

ben.harlum@what-media.com

SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby

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ONLINE EDITOR Hannah Shakir

hannah.shakir@what-media.com

INTERVIEW: LAURA VANDERVOORT

CONTRIBUTORS David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Alexandra McIntyre, Jeremy Williams, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Sian Gammie, Alen Delic, Adam Santarossa INTERNS Sabina Campbell, Jaymes Peckham, Holger Synowzik, Allyson Taubenheim HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard

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WEB DEVELOPERS Jess Comber, Luke Webber

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ADVERTISING AND MARKETING COORDINATOR Mary Atkin ADVERTISING Joe Smith

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Donna Parry Dave Hudson James Marsh ADVERTISING & PROMOTIONS MANAGER Tom Shakir SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Guchi Shakir PRINTED BY Spotpress

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GOSSIP A HEFTY PRICE TO PAY IT seems the Playboy Mansion is now offering more to its visitors than the traditional bigbreasted f ve-year-old slave and a suspect rash in the shape of a bunny. 84-year-old Hugh Hefner (pictured) is now offering a respiratory condition as a parting gift as well. Los Angeles County Health Off cials are responding to a number of people who claim they came down with a mystery illness after attending a fundraiser at the mansion. This is either the worst case of “if he’s old and dying then it must be cool” or the Mansion has a nasty yeast, we mean mould, infection. Victims of the illness are complaining of headaches, fever, dry cough and diff culty breathing. Off cials are concerned as these symptoms are a far cry from the usual

complaints after these fundraisers such as jaw ache, empty balls and diff culty walking. Many victims of the mystery illness claim that their symptoms match a description of the disease legionellosis, or Pontiac fever. This can be caused by bacterium that grows in warm water. You know, like hot tubs. David Castello, 54, who attended the fundraiser with his brother, said he became sick after visiting the mansion. “It knocked me off my feet for f ve days,” he said. “I’m over it now, but I’m still feeling fatigue, which is not a good thing.” “What a fucking pussy,” said Hugh from under his child bride, “my wife’s breasts weigh 10 stone and I can still breathe.”

LADY GAGA’S CAREER UP IN SMOKE ALMOST as shocking as f nding out Charlie Sheen likes tits was Lady Gaga’s admission that she likes to get high when she writes her lyrics. I know, we could hardly believe it either. Gaga (pictured) made the admission recently to TV host Anderson Cooper who was apparently so surprised he asked if Gaga was really Ashton Kutcher is disguise. Honestly, not even that would surprise us after Gaga’s meat dress incident. Not to mention her Grammy foetus ensemble which consisted of Gaga being concealed entirely in an egg.

Spanish model Elen Rivas was reportedly ‘sickened’ at Jordan’s outburst to Andre that included the line “I honestly wish you would get in your car, drive as fast as you can and have a crash and die.”

No, we don’t mean she’s a paid surrogate for Elton and David. That’s her husband’s name. Apparently the two met after Alba was spotted wearing a “will f ash for cash” t-shirt. How romantic. In true Hollywood style she made the announcement over Facebook. Yawn. “Honor is going to be a Big Sister!” Alba announced. That’s right, she called the f rst one Honor. Her name’s a spelling mistake over here. We can’t wait to hear what she and Cash decide to name the next one. Well, really we just can’t wait for her to stop getting knocked up and go back to swimming around on camera in what we can only now presume was a bikini she bought for a child. Good times.

“I smoke a lot of pot when I write music,” she told Cooper, who then fainted. “I’m not gonna, like, sugar coat it for 60 Minutes that, you know, I’m some, like, sober human being, ‘cause I’m not. I drink a lot of whiskey and I smoke weed when I write.” Come to think of it, “Ra ra ra ma ma ro ma ro ro mance ga ga oh la la” really sounds like the poetry of a sober musical wizard. Makes us wonder what Hanson were up to when they wrote MMMBop.

JORDAN’S CARDINAL SIN JUST when we thought Peter Andre was comfortable with good ol’ Jordan receiving all the press these days, his new girl has come out guns blazing - and of course, The Sun were there ready.

JESSICA Alba announced last week that she’s knocked up again. To Cash.

Bad move - Elen’s sister died in a car crash when she was ten. A source said: “Elen was furious when she heard what Katie said. It was below the belt and so insensitive. It brought back so many painful memories and she could not get over why somebody would wish that of someone.”

THEY were tipped to become the hot new Hollywood couple but only a couple of days after engagement rumours surfaced, Glee’s Dianna Agron has split with her I Am Number Four co-star, Brit Alex Pettyfer. Dianna, if you’re still keen on dating a young Brit, BBM is more than willing to give it a shot. Pettyfer has had a chip on his shoulder since starring in Number Four, demanding extra pay during the f lming, before asking for a $10 million paycheque for only his third f lm in America. Sounds like a bit of a jerk to us. Plus, that f lm should’ve been renamed I Am Number Bore.

BBM says lets settle this in the cage. Where’s Alex Reid when we need him?

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GOSSIP THE MILEY HIGH CLUB GOSH, BBM haven’t had a reason to write about Hollywood’s most popular lady bike, John Mayer, in ages. It’s been so long that we can’t remember who he is, what his music sounds like or how he even manages to bed anybody. We may have been slack, but Johnny Boy sure hasn’t, earning a new reputation as a cradle snatcher. Apparently, his new f avour-de-jour is none other than Disney princess Miley Cyrus (pictured). Remember, John is 33.

The fame whore was spotted sucking face with Miley at the Grammy’s, to which she responded by slapping him in the face. A source said that Miley “def nitely has a ‘f avour of the moment’ live life. She falls for the people she hangs out with but once they stop working together it becomes a case of out of sight, out of mind.” Dumped by a teenager? That’s gotta hurt.

MIKE’S PIGEON IN MIKE Tyson - does that name ring a bell? Well it should, out of his 58 total f ghts, 44 ended in someone’s bell being rung by a vicious right hook or uppercut. But what is Mike doing today? The last time the media was all over him, it was due to the death of his four-year-old daughter. This time it’s to let people know about his upcoming feature on Animal Planet.

The show will chronicle Mike’s relationship with pigeons and Mike participating in pigeon races. Really, Mike? So this is what your life has come down to. Who would have thought that after a career - f lled with knocking your opponents the fuck out, you would be racing pigeons.

AS BBM waits for the lawyers to call in response to our cover, we’ve been checking the betting agencies who have Katy Perry as f rm favourite to become a new judge on the X-Factor - except back in the UK and not in America. She’ll be replacing Cheryl Cole - who will be looked after by a crew of seven staff over on the American X-Factor - including her own stylist, chef, manicurist, masseuse, chauffeur and hair stylist. She’ll even have a voice coach on-hand 24/7, to help iron out her Geordie accent so American fans can understand her verdict on the acts. Easy work if you can get it! Simon Cowell had promised to reveal more about the new judge on both countries X-Factors by the end of February, once he was done rolling around in a pile of money.

You never cease to amaze us, Mike.

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

INTERVIEW

elegantly wwasatestd ed on the young

Oliver Ackland: star of

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ain. I also began to play Nick Cave and Kurt Cob was because the character around with my voice back e much higher voices hav all we and r nge you at school. ’re here like on set, you What was the atmosp r cast yet you’re you of 90% e hat to supposed d during f lming… naturally going to bon auditioned together we e aus bec x Well I met Ale and TJ I started to Tom t me I in Sydney. When s. They’d hang out guy se tho distance myself from d while I’d do my ken wee with their group on the not a lot with Adelaide. It’s own thing or hang out . e to do, but we just did hav lly rea you ing eth som get during f lming? How battered did you to shoot it, so before time of lot a e hav We didn’t TJ really hard in the d che pun I g lmin we started f he didn’t really hold so it, ded nee arm, not that he apes but you aren’t scr of ple cou back. I copped a ’t get scrapes. I don you if really doing your job tell us that you y’d the n get really pissed off whe for real – “you’d lose a couldn’t hit somebody . [laughs] fucking eye!” they’d say tickets to Wasted On BBM has a bunch of Visit bbmlive.com/ ay. aw e giv to ng The You r chance to win. you for l htm ns. competitio

INTERVIEW “I normally tell them the truth but it is usually followed by me trying to explain the band name, so I never look as cool as I could do.” Drummer Andrew Lindsay is clearly enjoying the rise to acclaim of his hotly-tipped quartet Fenech-Soler, but the unique name is causing issues when explaining his day job to people. So what does Fenech-Soler actually mean? Where did the Northampton boys stumble across such a distinct band name? The source was actually very close to home, as Lindsay is keen to explain, “it is part of Dan’s name actually. Dan who plays bass and synth, his full name is Daniel Francis Fenech Soler Treviotosky, so yeah we took a little bit of his name and used that. It has been a really good thing for us as everyone asks about it and it’s been a bit of a talking point, but it sort of sometimes does lead to a little bit of confusion. We have had a few variations on that name appearing on f yers for gigs.” With comparisons to everyone from Foals to Delphic and Klaxons

following them everywhere they go, Lindsay f nds any connection to the already acclaimed British bands to be the f nest form of f attery. He can barely contain his excitement as he reveals, “I’d love us to follow in the footsteps of those, really. We are just a pop band really, we focus on production from electronic music. It is pop music with dance inf uences thrown in.” With an insistence that they are primarily a pop group, Lindsay recommends for those wanting an introduction to their eponymous debut album, that “Golden Sun has probably got a bit of everything we do in there. It’s got a few heavy moments, its got quite a lot of electronic stuff and it’s got quite a simple catchy chorus, so it really has a bit of everything in there. It is a song we all really like and it’s quite a good one to play as well. So if you have only 3 and a 1/2 minutes to spare then that’s the one you should f ick to.” Interviewed by Jeremy Williams. Fenech-Soler’s debut album is available right now.

fenech-soler

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THE WRAP

WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE

FILM

AFTER a night with John Digweed & Way Out West, Future Entertainment have booked the monstrous likes of Sven Väth and Richie Hawtin to perform together. When: Friday, 11th March from 10pm Where: Metro Theatre, Sydney Cost: From $35

1 2 3

GNOMEO & JULIET

UNKNOWN

NO STRINGS ATTACHED $1.5

1 2 3

PAUL

£6

GNOMEO & JULIET

£2

£6

KING’S SPEECH

£2

£37

1 2 3

UNKNOWN

$26

GNOMEO & JULIET

$25

$56

I AM NUMBER FOUR

$23

A U S T R A L I A

T H E U K

A M E R I C A

$ IN MILLIONS

THE Chemical Brothers’ live experience has continually pushed the boundaries of multimedia, changed the face of large-scale electronic performances forever, and one for which the pair are now renowned, and revered for, worldwide. Brisbane: March 4, Riverstage Melbourne: March 9, Rod Laver Arena Sydney: March 10, Entertainment Centre (We have a double pass to the Sydney show to give away - go online for details)

1 2 3 1 2 3

Future Music Festival Brisbane: Saturday March 5 Perth: Sunday March 6 Sydney: Saturday March 12 Melbourne: Sunday March 13 Adelaide: Monday March 14

LAST WEEK

LADY GAGA

BORN THIS WAY RIHANNA

S&M

BLACK EYED PEAS

JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH

ADELE

JESSIE J

PRICE TAG

BORN THIS WAY

LADY GAGA

SOMEONE LIKE YOU

1 2 3

THE makers of Smirnoff vodka are bringing LA LA land to Future Music Festival as part of the Nightlife Exchange Project, hosting popular DJ crew, Dim Mak, on their very own stage.

FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.

HIGHEST WEEKS IN POSITION RELEASE

MUSIC

LADY GAGA

KATY PERRY

BRUNO MARS

BORN THIS WAY FIREWORK GRENADE

A U S T R A L I A

T H E U K

A M E R I C A

ON BBMLIVE.COM THIS WEEK P!NK: FUCKING PERFECT “We don’t normally go for singles from a greatest hits album, bit of a cop out. However, this is P!nk so why not give her a chance and thank God we did. She’s not one to forget easily and that’s exactly what P!nk wants from us. She is here to get her crown back!”

COMPETITIONS AFTER rocking tens of thousands of screaming fans at Melbourne’s Etihad stadium on New Years Eve, the planet’s reigning #1 DJ and international Trance superstar, Armin Van Buuren, is on his way back to Australian shores for another exclusive, one-night only affair that’s simply not to be missed. BBM has two double passes to the Sydney show to give away.

BBM has teamed up with Icon Film for a DVD giveaway.

BBM has UFC fever and there’s only one cure - more cowbell. Wait, that’s not right. The cure is the brand new UFC Collector’s Edition: Volume 13 DVD pack.

THANKS to our friends at Sydney FC, we have a Sony MP3 Walkman and a copy of FIFA 2010 on your console of choice (PS2, PSP, Wii or XBox 360).

Buried is a claustrophobic, intense thriller starring Ryan Reynolds and a wooden box.

Featuring UFC 98, 99, 100, 101 and 102, this pack includes f ghts from Brock Lesnar, Randy Couture and Wanderlei Silva.

BBM has three copies of both f lms to off oad.

This is all to celebrate a special BBM membership offer - purchase a Sydney FC AFC membership before March 2nd and watch three games for only $45. Too easy!

Turn to Sport (page 74) for your chance to win!

Let Me In is not your sister’s vampire f lm. It’s a romance / horror hybrid, and our fave of 2010.

TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/COMPETITIONS.HTML 12

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REVIEWS MAGNETIC MAN DATE

Wednesday, February 2

VENUE

The Hospital Club, London

FULL of brash and bravado, accompanied by a string quartet and a Macbook Pro apiece, the crowd cheered as Magnetic Man began with a beautifully extended version of the intro from current single Getting Nowhere. An array of special guests accompanied them on stage, including former Mercury music prize winner Ms Dynamite on the ragga-tinged Fire and Katy B, whipping the crowd into a frenzy with album favourite Perfect Stranger.

GOOD VIBRATIONS

RATING

DATE

Saturday, February 12

accompaniment and frantic 90’s Prodigy-esque beats.

VENUE

Centennial Park Moore Park

THE 2011 edition of Good Vibrations was surely one to remember.

Magnetic Man embraced their set, reveling in their new-found acclaim, you feel it’s been a long time coming for them and they are going to enjoy every minute.

From the drug sniff ng dogs to Mike Posner jumping into the crowd, there was never a dull moment for the duration of the festival.

Barclay Card are holding these sessions every month in the lead up to the Mercury Prize in September, it’s fair to say that Magnetic Man are def nitely in the running.

The best part about Good Vibes is that the festival is able to accommodate almost any fan of music as multiple artists were on-hand to represent each genre.

James Stapleton Katy’s vocal sounds even better live f oating over the string

get your TAX BACK

RATING

the festival was surely a hit. Ludacris, Mike Posner, Nas, Damian Marley, Rusko, Faithless, Phoenix, The Ting Tings and Erykah Badu were all class acts, it would truly be a shame if these artists did not combine for an encore performance a couple of years down the road.

The positives heavily outweighed any negatives at the festival, and for that, Good Vibes Festival 2011 gets a solid four-and-a-half star rating from From the Faithless faithful to the me. dreadlock-bearing Rastafarian Jaymes Peckham nation of Damian Marley fans

Only

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SOAPS

EastEnders

CORONATION ST. AT THE casino, Steve’s distracted by Dev’s plight but wins big. Becky’s on a high and Lloyd’s pleased Steve will now be able to repay Streetcars, but Steve tells Lloyd that there’s something else he needs to do with the money. Meanwhile, Anna’s upset by Faye’s sulky attitude. It’s not until Gary arrives that she starts to relax, leaving Anna

worried that she’s not cut out for adoption. Elsewhere, Julie’s on a mission to sort out Tyrone’s life, and Gail and Audrey try to persuade Nick to stay on the street. Owen, meanwhile, has downed tools at the shop until Dev pays for the work he’s done so far. Having made his decision, Steve nervously places the cash in an envelope and heads out. What will he do?

WHITNEY receives a text message from Rob, who wants to know if she’s okay. However, she’s distracted when Max offers her a job. Later Whitney makes a play for him and Lauren drags her off a shocked Max. Kat doesn’t know where Alf e is but is too stubborn to go looking for him. Later, Alf e enters the pub and is conf dent he can win Kat back.

However, he’s left disappointed. Elsewhere, Yusef begins to wonder why people are avoiding him, then Denise exposes Dot as the guilty party and he heads off to confront her. Lauren has a movie day with Fatboy, Mercy and Seb, however, things get complicated when it turns out Lauren and Mercy are both interested in Seb.

Neasa decides it’s time to make Bob’s life miserable. Judith approaches Deegan about the money Bob took from Turlough. As a result, Deegan returns one of Judith’s stolen prescription pads, and she suspects Decco as being behind the theft. The Bishop boys plan how to help Vivienne and get back at Judith, as Zumo encourages Vivienne to get her job back. TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP

|▲

HOLLYOAKS + LYNSEY and Cheryl support Mercedes as she makes peace with Malachy in Ireland. When they bump into old friend Pete, it’s clear that Cheryl is hiding something when he reveals he’s moving to Hollyoaks. Meanwhile, Ste gives Brendan an ultimatum when he discovers that he was behind Noah being sacked from Look Sharpe. Gilly struggles as news spreads about him and 16

Jacqui, while Tom is forced to move back in with the Osbornes. Meanwhile, Lee and Leanne embark on a moneymaking scheme, but is Leanne’s true plan to get back with Lee? Elsewhere, Lynsey returns to give Gilly a second chance. Amy tries out as a teaching assistant at Hollyoaks High and f nds out that her new boss, headteacher Pete, is an old friend of Brendan’s.

Emmerdale WHEN Eve answers the phone, a mysterious woman asks her to tell Jimmy that she is sorry. Eve convinces Carl to tell Nicola about the calls, who is angry that another woman may be involved. Meanwhile, Lizzie admits to Lisa that she fancies Derek but unable to tell her the whole truth, she can’t warn Lizzie off. Elsewhere, Adam is furious when John doesn’t take him seriously. Worried for her friend, Lisa tells Derek to stay away from Lizzie.

Later that day, Lizzie gets sick of Lisa’s moods and accuses her of petty jealousy. Meanwhile, Carl is visited by the police, who tell him that Jimmy’s van was found in Peterborough with no signs of Jimmy. Raw with worry, Nicola and Carl head out to f nd him. Charity takes her car to the garage and asks Cain to check it, but the sniping between the pair continues.

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IRISH NEWS WATER POLO IN A TRAGIC case of “When The Dukes of Hazzard go wrong” a bloke from Cork has been given a f ve-year suspended sentence for accidentally driving his car off a ferry at full acceleration, killing his mate in the passenger seat. Sebastien Loniewski pleaded guilty to the manslaughter of Krystian Mielnik, who drowned when his friend’s Volkswagen Polo car plunged into Cork Harbour on their way back from a football match. Loniewski, 38, had already been a bit of an arsehole after jumping a queue of cars to board the ferry and then ignoring a crewman’s directions by parking his VW at the front near the safety barrier. Then, when a large wave hit the ferry, the car rolled forward and Loniewski panicked. He frantically searched for the brake pedal, accidentally hit the accelerator instead and the VW burst through the safety barrier, up the loading ramp and into the drink. He managed to escape, but his mate wasn’t so lucky.

RUFFLED FEATHERS A RARE giant eagle was recovering in Connacht this week after being rugby tackled by a man in a kilt. Eddie the Eagle, mascot of Connacht rugby club, dislocated his shoulder when a visiting fan of Glasgow Warriors lost the plot and ran at him in a Magners League clash at the Sportsground in Galway. “I just didn’t see him coming. One minute I was running and then, bang. I know he didn’t mean any harm, but it was sore,” said Eddie, who is actually Colm Cronin, a University of Limerick student and brother of Ireland and Connacht hooker Sean Cronin. A small group of Scottish supporters had been heckling Eddie throughout the game and took matters into their own hands when one of the kilted visitors scaled the boundary fence and tackled him from the blind side. Shame their team weren’t so passionate – Glasgow were hammered 37-8.

LEAF IT MATE, HE’S NOT WORTH IT PROOF that folks become more uptight the older they get after two pensioners were given ASBOs for beating the crap out of each other following an ar gument over a stray leaf. The doorstep brawl, which also included the use of a garden shears and a walking stick, was sparked when 68-year-old Lagus Rupp spotted a neatly folded palm leaf on his lawn in Rosslare Harbour, County Wexford. “I spoke to my neighbour and I told him not to throw rubbish over the hedge,” he said. “He has a habit of picking palm leaves off his lawn and chucking them over the hedge.” Lagus claims his neighbour, 70-year-old Richard Furlong, then challenged him to come to the front of the houses. Inevitably, wrinkly fisticuffs ensued. “I was on the front lawn and he started effing and blinding. He carries a steel pipe around, which he claims is his walking stick; he started to beat me with that,” said Lagus. Furlong wasn’t having that though. “He lunged at me with shears and I used my walking stick to knock it out of his hand. With that, we both went down. Then a fist fight broke out,” he told court. Both men were bound to keep the peace for two yea rs with Judge Donnchadh O Buachalla adding he hoped there would be no further incidents, “particularly in relation to leaves”.

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UK NEWS NOT OUR CUP OF TEA WE all know that being popular at school is more important than your education, but one Geordie lad took things a tad too far this week after accepting a dare to dip his cock and balls into a teacher’s tea mug, take a photo of it and then put it on Facebook. Suddenly whoopee cushions and exploding cigars don’t seem so bad.

But the catch is they don’t actually want to work, they just want to bum around and live off benef ts instead. Many scroungers get around this conundrum by creating a ludicrous CV that will never get them a job in a million years.

The teacher was off work for some time after the incident, though she has returned now. The boy in question has been permanently excluded. One lump or two eh love?

NOT SUCH A SUPER IDEA

“I know he got beaten by drug dealers a few months ago but he didn’t say a lot about it,” said the mother of crimef ghting vigilante Scott Cooke. “He’s been a very

naughty boy, not telling me he was a superhero.” The 26-year-old one-man crimebusting machine only f ghts the forces of evil at night though – so it doesn’t interfere with his job advising customers about loans and savings at Santander. He dons a mask, Union Jack shirt and utility belt and prowls Birmingham four nights a week ready to sort out troublemakers.

So far it seems he’s only succeeded in having the shit beaten out of him, although he claims he helped arrest a drug dealer and foiled a break-in once. “I thought something funny was going on because he was going out until the early hours,” said his mum. “He was always driving to Birmingham late at night in his Fiat Punto.” Worst. Batmoblie. Ever.

LOYAL TO A FAULT YOU know those clips in You’ve Been Framed and Australia’s Funniest Home Videos where a kid’s playing football in the back garden and he kicks the ball into his dad’s nuts? Funny at f rst, not so funny when you’ve just watched the 532nd variation of it.

Naturally, he did what any rational-thinking adult would do in the situation – and tried to use a loyalty card to keep the swelling down.

And this week those good people at careerbuilder.co.uk. have released a list detailing a treasure trove of blunders (deliberate or otherwise) by potential job candidates. The list of errors includes: – Using the Lord God Almighty as a reference. – Putting “The Vikings” as a direct descendant. – Under ‘Experience’, writing the phrase Master Of Time And Universe. – Listing Pillager-in-Chief as a previous role. Others took a less imaginative route to ruining their chances of employment. One person simply listed their name, address and wrote underneath: ‘I want a job’ while another specif cally pointed out they were ‘not a gypsy’.

A WRINKLY 103-year-old virgin says the secret to her longevity is not having sex. Gladys Gough, of Coventry, said instead of shagging around she dedicated her life to seeing the world with her sister Edna – which frankly f ies in the face of everything we’ve learned about backpackers.

Well now imagine the same situation in reverse, with the kid getting pummeled in the nuts. Still kind of funny to be honest but that didn’t stop Clydebank man Ross McBride from panicking when the one-year-old he’d accidentally booted in the balls started to “swell up” in the downstairs area.

Q: WHAT do the unemployed do when they’re not appearing on Jeremy Kyle? A: THEY’RE f lling out forms to show they’re actively looking for work so they can claim their hard-earned dole money.

“The photo was of the lad dangling his balls inside the cup belonging to the teacher. She later drank her tea from it,” said a source at Benf eld School in Newcastle.

A BRUMMIE do-gooder has discovered the fastest way to get beaten up by a load of drug dealers after prowling the streets of Birmingham at night dressed as a crimef ghter and introducing himself as ‘The Statesman’. Worst. Superhero name. Ever.

SILLY CV

When that, shockingly, didn’t work he tried another approach – using the card to saw at the kid’s genitals in an attempt to get to the swelling.

“I never got married or had a boyfriend,” said the cobweb-fanny. “That probably had something to do with it. I just couldn’t be bothered with men.”

Surprise, surprise, that didn’t work either and McBride was eventually charged with culpable and reckless conduct. Which, frankly, isn’t the worst charge we could think of leveling at him.

Which begs the disturbing question, if no sex makes you live longer just how long will we be listening to Susan Boyle for? It’s a frightening thought.

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TRB011 LiamByrne BBMFP v2.indd 1

2/02/11 12:52 PM

WORLD NEWS THE GREAT LIPBALM SMUGGLE

AS WE know the Guinness book of records is expanding each year and now it looks as though ‘The Most Amount of Objects Contained in One Anus at One Time’ is about to be added to that celebrated list. Perhaps we are going a little too far, nevertheless it has been discovered that after being arrested, a 33-year-old homeless man was found to have not one but a whopping, 30 items in his arse – that is some feat!

Neil Lansing (pictured) of Florida was initially arrested on drug possession charges. However, police were drawn to a suspicious condom poking out of his behind and decided to take a look at the delights that lay inside. Lansing’s anal parcel included; 17 blues pills, a cigarette, a f int, a syringe, an unused condom and six matches, which are perhaps all items that you would expect a prisoner to try and obtain. Oddly though, they went on to f nd; a pharmacy receipt, shopping coupons and some lip balm – well I suppose it will make for some good lube when he has to bend over to pick up the soap. After the incident Lansing was able to add ‘smuggling contraband where the sun don’t shine’ to his growing list of unusual convictions.

REMEMBERING ROBOCOP ON A serious note, a ploy to receive the go-ahead on a statue incarnation of the 1980’s f lm icon, RoboCop could possibly become reality in Detroit this month. Only in America! Supposedly the idea came about after a group of mad-hat artists and entrepreneurs from the area, managed to raise $50,000 towards their heartfelt cause with the aid of good old Facebook. Team leader, Jeff Paffendorf said of the idea ‘it hit a sweet spot’. Here at BBM we can’t quite remember Robocop being cute and cuddly and neither can Karen Dumas of Mayor Dave Bing’s off ce by the sounds of it: “We know there are a lot of people that care deeply about the issue, and we respect that… but I’m still not sure that RoboCop is the best message for the city of Detroit.”

set back Paffendorf is still alarmingly determined to complete his mission going as far as to hire a professional sculptor and metal artist as well as suggesting that old Coppy could stand next to a statue of legendary boxer, Joe Louis. Hmm, we think that someone needs to remind this guy that RoboCop never actually transposed from the realms of f ction and made it into reality.

MATE, THERE’S A BLADE IN YOUR HEAD TO GO about your life with a four-inch rusty blade poking into your head is a feat worthy of an Oscar but for 30-year-old Li Fuyan of China it’s all in a day’s stride. Fuyan said that he was stabbed in the jaw during a robbery over four years ago and neglected to have it removed. Only suffering slightly from chronic bad breath, extremely severe headaches and frequent diff culty breathing, Fuyan still didn’t believe that being stabbed in the head was probably the cause. Furthermore, Dr Eugene Flamm of the neurological surgery at Montef ore Medical Center backed him up saying that it was ‘surprising but conceivable’ that the blade went unnoticed for so long. Here at BBM we aren’t so convinced. Surgeons at the Yuxi City People’s Hospital in China, on removing the blade, said it was rusty and corroded but apart from that there had been no signif cant damage to Fuyan’s mental capacity – apart from the fact that he forgot he had a four-inch-blade in his head!

REMEMBER back in the 1980’s when those weirdos used to compete to f nish the Rubik’s cube in the fastest time possible? Well Dutch scientist, Oskar van Deventer was clearly not one of those brain boxes. He recently spent an unnecessary amount of time trying to perfect an even more complex version of the original Rubik – as if the f rst one wasn’t impossible enough. The new super cube consists of 1,539 shrewdly placed segments which took around 60 uninterrupted hours to devise, totalling $1,500 in funds. Finally, when he thought he was nearing the brink of madness - his eye bags hanging from his fatigued face like Ulrika Jonsson’s turkey neck, he fell to his knees - he had f nally completed his mind-altering device. However there is a catch. When trying to complete the super Rubik himself Oskar found he was unable to solve it - Maybe he should have stuck to creating the world’s most complex snakes & ladders board instead.

Despite this minor

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WORLD NEWS THE BIRDS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

WE know you’re glad that we bring you such hard-hitting news from the world each week, as surely it leaves you with a sense of being well-informed and up to date with current affairs. So without further ado, here are some more gems of wisdom from journalism at its best. BBM told you about the leopard attack on that man in South Africa as he was on his merry little way to work last week, but Europe have far more dangerous wildlife to contend with on a daily basis, it would appear.

Their harrowing lifestyles are now in danger from seagulls. Yes that’s right, the winged beast that swoops form the blue, and causes severe delays to train services is at it again. Well that was the case for the driver of the 8.15am train service from Hastings to London as he walked down the station platform, only to have a seagull attack his head.

A spokesman for Southeastern Trains said that while seagull attacks are rare, they can be very dangerous. And apparently they’re even having seagull issues in Birmingham, where locals are also having problems with brazen birds swooping down on people’s heads and stealing food from their hands.

LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

Hitchcock was clearly warning us - 2012 is coming!

Kirsty even had her appendix removed to

SOMETIMES, it helps to double check that there really is a camera inside the decorative deer before entering your neighbour’s home and accusing him of hiding a camera in the decorative deer so he can f lm your girlfriend bathing. James Erickson was arrested in Arizona last week for doing just that, after extensive searches proved that there was in fact no camera in the decorative deer. “Erickson then verbally threatened the boy and was repeatedly asked to leave,” police said as they watched footage of his girlfriend bathing

The 23-year-old had dreamed of being in the circus but suffered from claustrophobia, so what better way to get over it then be shoved in a bin?

The mother and daughter are now in a fully-f edged prank war with each other, with Kirsty stating that “It started off as a running joke so I’d get into the washing machine, under the kitchen sink and things like that.”

The rebel alliance of animal welfare campaigners have struck back, claiming that they’re “utterly dismayed” by the ministerial statement, saying it opened the door to widespread cloning with consumers unable to tell whether they were eating meat originating from a cloned animal or not. BBM’s thoughts on the matter? It’s a trap!

IN this world there’s strange parenting tactics (Hello Joe Jackson if you’re reading), and then there’s Kirsty Nicholson’s mother.

Alison squeezed Kirsty into an absurdly small bin and now she can’t stop her Kirsty showing off her talents.

EUROPE is about to join the dark side, as government ministers have voted strongly in favour of milk and meat from the offspring of cloned animals going on sale.

Apparently the avian assault resulted in people being late for work, and pissing themselves when the train driver explained over the P.A. system what had happened.

HONEY, OUR DAUGHTER’S IN THE BIN...

“I’ve always been really f exible but petrif ed of small spaces so, when I was told I had to be the girl in a bottle to be part of the show, I didn’t think I could do it,” This was until her mum, Alison (pictured), decided to apply a quick f x.

ATTACK OF THE CLONE’S MILK

He was also charged with owning a decorative deer in the f rst place.

squeeze into tight spaces. Don’t these people have better things to do?! Alison thought she was helping but maybe she should have kept her in the bin as the circus freak is now hiding in the smallest places she can f nd. BBM has some small places she’s more than welcome to hide in whenever she likes.

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WHAT’S ON SYDNEY

James Morrison

Rihanna

BE prepared as Lizottes Resturant brings us another musical scorcher! This time world renowned Brit, James Morrison demonstrates his uniquely soulful style which oozes with musical supremacy. James has performed hundreds of times and this promises to be a great show! When: 8pm Saturday 26 February Where: Lizotte’s Restaurant Cost: From $73

SYDNEY, get ready as Barbadian beauty Rihanna prepares to make her long awaited smash performance as a part of her Last Girl On Earth tour this month! Known for her outrageous fashion style and insanely catchy pop tunes, many will appreciate the talent that Rihanna possesses - she can f ll the highest peaks and lowest valleys of any venue! When: 7pm Saturday 5 March Where: Sydney Olympic Park Cost: from $159.50

Be sure not to miss it, gay or not, this is a celebration anyone can enjoy, cause, who doesn’t like to get hammered?

MEMBERS of the LGBT community stand up, and even if you’re not a member of that community still stand up. The annual Mardi Gras festival is set to hit Sydney with a smash. For the 33rd time the streets of Sydney are set to host the largest Gay and Lesbian pride celebration in the whole world.

When: All day Saturday 5 March Where: All Over Sydney! Particularly Oxford Street Cost: How much fun do you want to have?

ARE you ready to feel like a G6? If so your calling will be here in Sydney soon enough, as AsianAmerican super-group, Far East Movement are set to hit the stage at Home later this week!

FAMOUS for their smash hits Jumper and Semi-Charmed life, Third Eye Blind can be seen gracing the stages around Sydney as early as next week! When: March 1st 8pm Where: Annandale Hotel Cost: $39.60 +bf

When: 9pm March 3rd Where: Home the Venue Cost: $30 +bf CHECK Yes Juliet? Yes, We the Kings will be sharing the stage at the Metro Theatre with up-and-coming band, The Maine. Known for their array of love stories translated into song through their hits Check Yes Juliet and Skyway Avenue, We the Kings are set to kick up a storm with their powerful rock style. When: 7pm March 2nd Where: Metro Theatre Cost: $49.80 + bf

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MELBOURNE NEWS A SPERMY CRISIS referred to a sister clinic in Brisbane in order to f nd a suitable candidate for her ‘perfect’ family. “It was so simple. We could look at all their prof les on the internet and see baby pictures of them (donors),” she gushed whilst two babies hung casually off her nips.

WHILST there is a vast supply of water due to the f oods in Victoria the same can’t be said about sperm. Yes, Victoria is currently experiencing a massive sperm drought. It is that the lack of anonymity for donors has forced desperate women to f y overseas in a frantic ‘spermy’ search. A Melbourne mother only known as Lee (who is now mum to two twin girls) was

Then when asked about her preference, it turned out she wasn’t fussy at all: “We wanted someone who had blonde hair and blue eyes.” Which begs the question, what would’ve happened if two dark-haired babies had popped out of her womb? Lastly, Melbourne IVF director John McBain complained that the donor regulations are far too strict which is leading wannabe parents to use unquarantined sperm – are these people asking for a baby or an STD?

MARATHON MAD WHEN life gets a bit shit BBM takes a cheap and cheerful vacation. Tenerife usually does the trick. But for 33-year-old Melbournian divorcee Tristan Miller, who had just lost his job, Spain wasn’t enough. Miller, who had been made redundant by Google, felt the only way to get away was to run 52 grueling marathons in 52 weeks, spread over 42 countries. But that’s not the only extremity of his story. To fund his trip he was forced to sell most of his possessions to raise the $120,000 needed. Miller became so immersed in his task he would often run not one but two marathons in one day! OCD? On the contrary, all of his unnecessary work paid off in the end. Not only did he raise $15,000 for charity, he also bagged himself a new bird. Maybe it’s time to get our running shoes on…

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WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE

MUSIC heavyweights Queens of the Stone Age have been at the forefront of rock for f fteen year now.

WHEN: Thurs 3rd March WHERE: Palace Theatre COST: $81.60

Pioneered by frontman Josh Homme, the band have seen a vast amount of changes to their line-up however with hits such as No one Knows, First it Giveth and also boasting 15th place in the 100 Greatest Albums of the Decade, QOTSA know what rock music is all about.

THIS week watch in amazement as the City Square is transformed into a giant edible garden for all to enjoy as

part of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival. Also learn how to grow healthy vegetables and watch the mouth-watering free food demonstrations. Yum! WHEN: Fri 4th March – 13th March WHERE: City Square COST: Free

RECEIVING heaps of praise, indie, low-f act Teeth & Tongue have been compared to the likes of Kate Bush and PJ Harvey by Rolling Stone.

WHEN: Sun 27th Feb WHERE: The Grace Darling Hotel COST: Free

Forefronted by Jess Cornelius and with already two albums under her belt Teeth & Tongue is set to make their long awaited imprint on the music scene this year. This one’s not to be missed and it won’t burn a hole in your pocket either.

house favourite Sven Vath. DO you want to put a kick into the beginning of your weekend? Then why not check out tech-

Hailing as one of the pioneers of early trance, Sven will be joined by fellow dance music enthusiasts - Tom Clark and Guido Schnedier who are all guaranteed not to disappoint! WHEN: Fri 4th March WHERE: Brown Alley COST: $29.50 – $39.50

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WHAT’S ON PERTH

KNOWN for his beautiful ballads, Michael Buble f nally graces Perth. Registering over 34 million YouTube views with Haven’t Met You Yet, Michael is sure to put on a great performance.

MARK WATSON, the 24 hour man, will be taking the stage to perform one of his hilarious routines. Mark made headlines in 2004 when his routine lasted 24 hours, topped off by a proposal acceptance from his wife.

WHEN: 4th & 6th March WHERE: Magaret River Cellar Door COST: From $129

WHEN: 8pm, Friday 4th March

WHERE: Regal Theatre COST: 32.90 +bf

CONTROVERSIAL American rapper Mickey Avalon will be in Perth LIKE the precocious child of My Bloody Valentine and The Beach Boys, to perform his internationally known hits; My Dick and Mr. Right this Best Coast offer up laidback, distortion-laced garage rock infused with Thursday, it would be just as controversial of a decision if you decided blissful splashes of ‘60s California pop. Their debut Crazy for You is so to skip on this lyrical genius’s performance! chock full of catchy tunes it qualif es as musical bubblegum. WHEN: 9pm, Thursday 3rd March WHERE: Villa Nightclub COST: $44.10

WHEN: 8pm, Friday 4th March WHERE: Beck’s Music Box COST: $40.50

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ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge

ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth

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THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle

MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth

ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge

THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge

HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA laura vandervoort Laura is probably most well-known as Kara (aka Supergirl) in Smallville, as well as Lisa on V. She’ll be visiting Adelaide and Sydney for the Armageddon Expo, and BBM’s BEN HARLUM caught up with her before she boarded her f ight. Have you ever visited Australia before? I haven’t, but I’m really looking forward to it. I have a few days off in between Sydney and Adelaide so I want to visit Adelaide Zoo, eat at Fort Denison in Sydney - any advice you have, I’ll be happy to take. You’re also returning to Smallville for the f nal season, what was that like? It was great, I just wrapped a couple of days ago so it was nice to see everyone. I had already done an episode this season so I was really surprised when I got the call again. I can’t give anything away of course [laughs] but it was great. What’s the atmosphere like on set, after a false start last season they know this is the last one? Everybody’s sad, especially Tom Welling. After ten years of working so hard, he really deserves a break. I know everybody’s going to miss it.

‘

’s e d i a l e d a K BOO ‘

The producers changed things up on V for Season Two to make things more exciting and fastpaced, what was the vibe like on set for that second season? There’s def nitely been a bit of a shift between seasons, they have the story a bit more mapped out for the second season and have brought back Jane [Badler] from the original. Obviously we all became friends during the f rst season so it was nice to come back, and we were amped once we read the script for the premiere episode. You can’t give any Smallville scoop out but what about V, what’s happening there? There’s some major character deaths coming in the f nal few episodes of the season. That’s all I can say. [laughs] Laura will hit Sydney Olympic Park on February 26 and 27, as well as Adelaide Showgrounds on March 5 and 6 for Armageddon. Tickets are available on the door and from Ticketek. Smallville airs Sundays on Channel 11, V airs Wednesdays on GO! (Channel 99).

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE BY JEREMY WILLIAMS

RADELAIDE, as some locals refer to it, may be seen by most as just a gateway to the Barossa, Flinders Ranges and Kangaroo Island but there is far more to Adelaide than the average Aussie would let on. Having been warned that two days in the city would prove more than

enough, I was pleasantly surprised to prove people wrong. While many will let you know that the capital of South Australia is famous for its churches, they will just as quickly write it off as nothing more than a big country town. Yet it is this welcoming warmth that gives Adelaide its heart. Purposely built to be divided by the River Torrens, Adelaide’s centre may be compact but it’s surrounded by stunning parkland.

hailing from SA’s capitol, it is little surprise that both sport and the arts are high on the priority list of things to do. While known for its churches, Adelaide arguably hosts Australia’s most celebrated art festivals – from the fringe through to WOMAD, while the eclectic collection at the Gallery of South Australia is a must-see.

Whereas other Australian cities rely upon their obvious attractions, from Sydney Harbour through to Brisvegas, Adelaide has always been far more subtle about its appeal. Set alongside the Adelaide Hills, with water and parkland close by, Adelaide is arguably the place for a romantic break - just a shame I had no-one to hold my hand during my night time stroll.

With the fringe launching on the night of my arrival, The Garden Of Unearthly Delights was brimming with performers and arts lovers all out for a good time. Adelaide Fringe has grown to the extent of being the Southern Hemisphere’s follow-on from Edinburgh and boasts an international selection of talent. Worry not lovers of all things arts, while the festivals come and go, Adelaide has at its heart numerous performance spaces and exhibition areas to ensure that the creative spark never blows out.

With everyone from tennis star Lleyton Hewitt through to quirky songstress Sia

Adelaide’s obsession with arts is immediately evident in the city’s penchant

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for statues and monuments. While many of the statues have been erected in memory of war heroes and city founders, Adelaide has its fair share of interesting monuments and artefacts to brighten up a meander through the centre and parklands alike. Rather shamefully I have to concede that my personal favourite was the series of pigs that reside alongside the Rundle Mall. Of equal magnitude are those outdoor pursuits. From motor racing through to cricket, Adelaide has provisions of an international level to be explored. But rather than just enjoying the wealth of museums and stadiums, why not f nd a novel way to take part yourself. From surf lessons through to mountain bike rides down Mount Lofty, a visitor to Adelaide can effortlessly f nd a way to get f t quick. For those wanting just a little bit of retail therapy, Rundle Street Mall offers the perfect high street shopping experience with over 700 shops in close proximity. But, if like me, shops do not turn you on, you can always head to the other end of Rundle Street for some foodage â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Chocolate Bean serves the scrummiest home baked cakes I could f nd around, though the Central Market does serve up its fair share of competition. While Adelaide is no competition for Melbourne, with the term vegetarian at times unheard of, Adelaide dishes up some real treats along the way. But talk food to an Adelaidean and the budget friendly Chinatown comes out front. Without any hesitation, I can conf rm that the dumplings at Dumpling King are worth all the hype the locals give them. For many, the most important part of Adelaide is the beach. While Glenelg is no Bondi, the bustling beach area is worth a trip. Though it is a little further out than expected, the tram ride makes the journey f y by and the mixture of good food and a sandy beach is a perfectly peaceful way to pass a day.

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA KANGAROO ISLAND BY JEREMY WILLIAMS IS that where all the kangaroos are found? Of course it isn’t, but that was the question I found myself foolishly asking out loud before realising how stupid it made me sound. Thankfully the question is not that uncommon, a natural presumption that an island named after Australia’s iconic animal would boast their fair share of the said beast. However, as I soon learnt (and discovered), Kangaroo Island was named after the animal British Explorer Matthew

Flinders feasted upon back in 1802 when he f rst stumbled afoot what he believed to be an extension of the main land. Instead, what Flinders had uncovered was 1700 square miles of Island, which means it ranks as Australia’s third largest island (Tasmania and Melville beat it). Located approximately 70 miles South West of Adelaide, Kangaroo Island is easily one of South Australia’s top tourist attractions. With a population of just 4500, Kangaroo Island is unaffected Australia at its f nest. Boasting a wealth of wildlife, natural beauty and extreme sports, it has universal appeal for anyone wanting to get to the heart of South Australian life.

war against the waves was more than exhilarating and soon enough mission one was accomplished. A long day on the beach was rewarded with pub food and a warm bed, before an early start to board the ferry to our goal destination. In little more than three quarters of an hour, KI’s second largest town, Penneshaw, drew closer and the real adventure was about to begin. To say that Kangaroo Island is one of the world’s beauty spots may sound coy, but to call it anything less would unjust. With a tour guide, Gus, who grew up on the Island, we found ourselves E 40

My own Kangaroo Island adventure would start with a stop off at Middleton Beach for surf lessons. A total beginner with bad balance, I never believed for a moment that in the wild waves of Middleton Beach I would even start to stand on my board. Yet, the real battle proved to be wading through the waves rather than boarding my extra large learner’s board. The ever increasing

CONTINUED ON PAG

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA cruising from one stunning vision to the next. The Remarkable Rocks proved the perfect point for some holiday shots and the clear waters and golden sands of Stokes Bay put it in competition with some of Australia’s f nest beaches. Having whet our appetites for adventure back on Middleton Beach, the Surf N Sun crew ensured that the sweat kept pouring. From kayaking at Vivionne Bay through to sand boarding at Sahara Island, there was barely a moment to catch your breath before the next thrill. Yet for most, the wish to see some of Kangaroo Island’s wild inhabitants ranked at the top of the list. With an abundance of marsupials coming to greet us at the road side, the up close pelican feeding at Kingscote eased its way to the top of the tour bus talking points. While the seals, owls and hawks all arose interest it was the cute koalas at Hanson Bay Sanctuary who really stole everyone’s hearts.

RODNEY FOX SHARK-CAGE DIVING SINCE pioneering shark cage diving over 40-years ago, Rodney Fox and his son Andrew have been at the very forefront of human interaction with Great White Sharks. As primary advocates for these creatures, their expeditions and research have educated the public and attracted adventurers from around the world. Join the Fox’s aboard the “Princess II” for the world’s ultimate shark adventure. Tours depart Port Lincoln in South Australia out to the famous Neptune Islands, which continues to be the very best place in the world to see and photograph Great White Sharks. Rodney Fox is the only operation in the world to actually cater for qualif ed SCUBA divers in special submersible cages. These dives descend safely down 18m (60ft) below to the sea f oor. Here right on the bottom there are vastly superior shark viewing opportunities, as well as the chance to be surrounded with other local sealife, including the world’s largest stingrays, southern eagle rays, giant blue wrasse, and many other f sh species found nowhere else. Non-certif ed SCUBA divers can also participate in regular

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the sea f oor. It’s unbeatable. A conscientious dive team can gently train and encourage all non divers to try a dive in surface f oating cages. All tours have immense advantages of a liveaboard agenda including limited group numbers and maximum cage time. The Princess II is 23metres long, steel hulled, and 170 tones of spacious comfort and stability. It’s fun just to be aboard!

Species as a result of them being recognised as a slow breeding species that has suffered a population decline from many decades of accidental capture in commercial f sheries and also by sports f shermen and trophy hunters. Where: Princess II, North Quay Boulevard, Port Lincoln, South Australia Phone: 1300 SHARK DIVE / (61) 8 83631788 Email: expeditions@rodneyfox.com.au

DIVE COURSES Depending on your location or arrival in Australia open water dive courses can be arranged as a package with your expedition. surface cage dives by simply breathing air from a “hookah line”, a surface fed air supply. Dive masters gently and patiently encourage and guide all new divers. Here the cage f oats right at the water surface, and is f xed directly to the boat. A wonderful variety of wildlife, including many birds, dolphins, fur seals and the rare Australian sea lion are commonly seen at these remote and scenic islands. Only Rodney Fox Expeditions can offer world exclusive submersible cage dives to

THE GREAT WHITE SHARK Although they can reach lengths of up to 20ft, Great Whites average 12-16 feet long (3.7-4.9 m) long and, when mature, females are generally larger than males. Adult white sharks feed on bony f shes, such as snapper, mackerel and tuna, other sharks and marine mammals. Juveniles are mainly piscivorous. As Great White sharks do not do well in captivity we must go out to them to f nd out more about the species. Great whites are listed as a Threatened

WHERE:

Princess II, North Quay Boulevard, Port Lincoln, South Australia

PHONE:

1300 SHARK DIVE (+61) 8 83631788

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QUEENSLAND THE WHITSUNDAYS WHEN travelling the East coast of Australia there is one stop that beats them all - the wondrous, Whitsunday Islands. Each island has a tale of its own and a whole world waiting to be explored! Airlie Beach and the Whitsundays avoided the devastation of Yasi. Within two days of the cyclone crossing the coastline accommodations, restaurants, bars and shops were open and ready for business. Ocean Rafting, the f rst tour operator to venture out after the blow, reported no damage to corals and surprisingly good visibility in the water. The sand dunes in Hill Inlet at the very northern end of Whitehaven Beach changed a bit and now look more beautiful than ever. The Whitsundays were discovered and named by British explorer, Captain Cook on a Whitsunday - hence the name. Misleading as the name may be, the Whitsundays are actually the name given to a selection of islands all in the same vicinity, of which there are 74 in total. They are located between Townsville and Mackay however Airlie Beach is the main gateway. As an added bonus the Whitsundays are also only moments away from the Great Barrier Reef. Upon your arrival at Airlie Beach (the town where youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be sailing from) it is best to make your arrangements at least 48 hours prior in order to guarantee a straightforward trip and be sure to make it an overnight

trip since the wonders of swimming in the calm waters of the surrounding islands during the evening is an experience that would be a crime to miss out on. The great thing about this trip is that not only are there 74 islands for you to chose from, you also have a luxury sailing boat with you meaning that if you prefer to be lazy and use your days for sunbathing then so be it. However for those of you who prefer to get stuck in then why not take the plunge and try some Scuba diving? Most of the sailing companies will offer the chance of taking 10m dives under the protection of a trained and qualif ed diver, and if you can remember Finding Nemo then diving is an absolute must! You either start off on a small boat from which you are lowered from or you will wade you way down from a bay. Either way once you reach the Great Barrier Reef the apprehension about breathing underwater will be forgotten! Once there you can marvel at the eclectic selection of tropical f sh, experience the full glory of a living, breathing anemone just like in the f lm and you are guaranteed to see lots of little Nemoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as well! If you are a bit of a wuss then snorkeling is just as fun, you may not be able to dive as deep or for as long but the amount of sea life you can spot will be just as compelling.

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QUEENSLAND WHITSUNDAYS Amongst the islands there is one in particular which will strike you, the astonishing Whitehaven Beach. Whitehaven is an idyllic wonderland with over 7km of pristine, white, silica sand that is so f ne you can polish your silver with it. On top of this, the water that surrounds it is crystal clear and perfect for an afternoon bathe. Even America’s own Queen, Oprah Winfrey had to take a visit. Finally, as the evening takes its course most sailing companies have their own bar or allow customers to bring their own alcohol. So for those of you who like to party, the day is only the beginning. Listing each one of these magnif cent islands of the Whitsundays would be near enough impossible, our best tip is just to get searching and f nd the perfect trip for you. The type of trips offered will vary dramatically but the options are vast. There are day cruises that will take you in and amongst the islands if you’re pushed for time. However, here at BBM we highly recommend taking a few nights to get the full experience. Different companies will offer different accommodation preferences so if you shop around you’re certain to f nd something that meets your needs. Some boats will drop you off at a resort while others allow you to sleep right onboard – wobbly but exciting. You can travel on anything from a 70ft catamaran to an oldschool sailboat so you will most def nitely f nd something to suit your price range. Lastly, it is recommended that you book your trip in the summer months so as too miss out on the potential rain experienced in the wet season – sitting on the deck in the midst of a storm and getting drenched in rain is not a fun experience.

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QUEENSLAND AIRLIE BEACH THINK back to your most recent dream about a perfect day at the beach. What did it include? What was the beach like? It was probably something along the lines of gnarly waves, clear water, white sand, and an abundance of beautiful people. There were probably some good f sh and chip shots along the crowd-pleasing boardwalk, which was also lined with local artists performing their love ballads with just a guitar and amp. Were there multiple places to indulge in a delicious meal at a low cost? How was the nightlife? It had to be out of this world, and before the dream was over, you remember someone telling you that you can go on a cruise the next morning to an island chain known as the Whitsundays... Well we at BBM are here to tell you that this was not just a scene from a dream, that a place containing paradise on Earth is actually right here in Australia. If you haven’t guessed by now, the topic of this article is the beautiful, world-renowned Airlie Beach. An adventure to Airlie Beach is something that is integral to do if you have the means to make the trip up there. Airlie Beach is a great place to for everyone; you can often catch a free street performance as many street performers showcase their talent on a daily basis. The water itself is crisp and blue accentuated by the majestic white sands that lead into the surf. Chances are you will have the chance to see marine life at its best, in the wild in the waters around you. If you’re not the type to share the ocean with its daily inhabitants, no worries, the Airlie Lagoon was constructed for people like you. You’d be a fool to think that BBM would leave out the most important aspect of any adventure - the nightlife!

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Airlie Beach can boast some of the best nightlife in Queensland, if not Australia. It is inevitable that you will eventually end up in Magnum. It is located right in the heart of the shopping and entertainment precinct and it serves as both a nightclub and hostel. All in all there are about a dozen or so great clubs in Airlie, all located in close proximity to the main street in the town. It doesn’t matter if you’re the type that likes to lounge by the lagoon or someone who enjoys exploring, because you certainly have all of those options and then some. Last but certainly not least, you would be hard-pressed to not book a boat trip somewhere, seeing as there are offers every couple of metres.

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FEATURE MIGRATION

AUSTRALIAN MIGRATION BY STEWART COULSON

AUSTRALIAN Immigration law and policy is shifting greatly in relation to the skills attributes and characteristics of a permanent resident visa applicant hoping to be successful in their application. On 1 July 2011, the Australian government is expected to release a new points test for independent skilled migration to Australia. Simply put, older more experienced skilled professionals and trades people from English speaking backgrounds that are not eligible under the existing regime can become eligible under the new regime. As an example a 39 year old Engineer, Nurse or IT professional with 8 years experience from an English speaking background could very well satisfy the points test once it passes into law. If you are from England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Canada, USA, or have very strong English skills, and wish to migrate to Australia, it will be well worth your while to look again at your eligibility. However, the new English language requirements, and associated points, will act as a barrier to many migrants who have English as a second language. Younger, less experienced migrants will also struggle to satisfy the new points test. Also, in reducing the number of occupations available for skilled independent permanent migration from 400+ to 181 occupations, the Australian government is focused on pushing Australian visa applicants to f rst secure a job and a work place sponsor to then allow them to open up potential permanent residence pathways. With the support and sponsorship of your employer, there are a number of permanent residence pathways available to you, whether you are in or outside of Australia. Also, higher points are being awarded for years of Australian working experience meaning older applicants in Australia working on subclass 457 temporary working visas may also f nd themselves eligible for permanent residence under the new points test after 1 July 2001. It is important to note the list of occupations available for permanent residence under the Employer Nomination Scheme migration pathways has not been reduced and remains very broad indeed. Australian immigration law and policy is very dynamic and constantly changing. As one door shuts, another one opens. If you are an experienced professional or trades person, suffering the effects of the Global Financial Crisis, such as workers in Ireland are, I suggest it might be time to look to migrating to Australia once again for future security. There will also be many potential visa applicants who should act quickly to lodge before 1 July 2011 or see their opportunity for Australian permanent residence lost. Remember, it is important to have accurate and up-to-date legal advice and assistance in preparing your Australian permanent residence application because quite simply, your future is riding on it. For a discussion on your visa options, you can contact either Ray Turner or Stewart Coulson at (02) 9264 4654 or info@tcilawyers.com.au

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

FIND A WAY TO STAY There are more than 140 different types of Australian visas

To find out which one best suits you

CALL JOHN MC QUAID For a free assessment of your options

02 9369 2400 Specialising in visas for: Employer sponsorship and skilled workers, Partners and Families, Student Visas with work rights

Call John or Narelle on 02 93692400 Email:info@arriveaustraliacomau Email: info@arriveaustralia.com.au Website: www.arriveaustralia.com.au

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FEATURE MIGRATION

MORTGAGES BY JAYMES PECKHAM

GETTING a mortgage in Australia has never been easier. One of the only things in the world that you can really truly own is property, but what if you don’t have the means necessary to do so? You get a mortgage! Mortgages are essentially loans that are secured by something tangible, such as real property. Mortgages are dispersed to future and current homeowners to ease the f nancial burden that the purchasing of a home may cause. The word “mortgage” often scares people away, for they can relate it to a story one of their friends told them about not being able to pay theirs. Have no fear; safe, reliable, and low mortgage rates are now here. Before applying for a loan, you should probably f nd out if you’re eligible in the f rst place. If you’re here on a work visa, do not give up, as it is now possible for you to get a mortgage if you hold a 457 visa. When it comes to how much money you can borrow things like marital status, and employment history are set to make a difference in the percentage you can borrow. In more cases than not, as a holder of a 457 visa you will be able to get a loan for 80% of the property value. Now you may be thinking that being a foreigner will cause the lender to charge you a higher interest rate than a citizen of Australia. If you were thinking this, you couldn’t be more wrong, you will pay the same amount of interest as a citizen would, and sometimes even less (please note, this is by a case by case basis). You can also get a homeowner’s loan if you hold a 422, 405, 415, 405, 447 or 995 visa. Being a contract employee also should not deter you from an attempt at purchasing a home, as contract workers are eligible for loans towards property. In advance to sending in your actual application for a mortgage, it is a good idea to f nd out what your credit score is, this and your annual

income will help you determine what amount of money you can prequalify for, although you will still have to f ll out the general application. After prequalifying for a mortgage, you have to apply to a credit union, bank or f nancial institution to seek their approval. Getting approved means that the mortgage company has bestowed its faith and trust in you to make correct and timely payments towards your home (or what ever the property you’re seeking the loan for is). After your initial application is approved you may want to look at a chart that depicts the amount of interest the mortgage that you can afford will bring on. If you’re wondering if there is only one kind of mortgage well here is your answer, no there is not just one type of mortgage. Mortgages vary from applicant to applicant and from owner to owner. Some mortgages are set to be paid off in 15 years whilst others are set at 30 years; obviously this depends on the mortgage amount and how much money the borrower can contribute towards the monthly mortgage payment. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to think about how long you are going to reside in the home you want to purchase with your mortgage, it will help you determine whether you want a variable rate or a f xed rate. You should also consider about six mortgage lenders as it is always good to have a variety. After completing your comparison, get in contact with staff at your preferred lender and ask them to mail you an application. You are now well on your way to purchasing something that all Australians cherish, a home. Please note that this advice is a general guideline to buy property, not all advice applies to everyone. If you have further questions or concerns, BBM advises you to get in contact with a professional on the topic as this is just casual advice.

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ATTENTION ELECTRICIANS, CARPENTERS, PLUMBERS, LABOURERS, PIPELAYERS, EXCAVATOR OPERATORS, PAINTERS, PLASTERERS REQUIRED NOW PLEASE COMPLETE REGISTRATION FORM ON WWW.ADVANCEDLABOURHIRE.COM.AU OR FORWARD RESUME TO ADMIN@ADVANCEDLABOURHIRE.COM.AU. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ON CURRENT VACANCIES PLEASE CALL 1300 299 818. JOIN ADVANCED LABOUR HIRE ON FACEBOOK FOR JOB UPDATES.

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1800 475 475 OR Email: volunteers.4.trials@gsk.com Reimbursement for time & expenses will be available (limitations may apply to reimbursement) GlaxoSmithKline Medicines Research Unit Prince of Wales Hospital, Parkes Building Level 10 East Hight Street Randwick, NSW, 2031 Our clinical trials are approved by the SESI窶年orthern Network Research Ethics Committee: Reference No. 03/251

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To apply for these roles please e-mail your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Sydney Jobs

Apply to tc@freespirit.com.au

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MEDIA SALES CONSULTANT $22 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLES)

CLAIMS $22 PER HOUR (3 MONTH ROLES)

Our client is a newly established on-line media agency seeking a number of experienced outbound call consultants to join their small but busy North Sydney media team.

Leading Australian Insurance company requires reliable travelers for contract role;

You will possess; â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ Highly motivated individual â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Friendly personality This is a great role calling an existing client base. Full training provided.

â&#x20AC;˘ Must have Insurance Claims experience, Home & Content preferred â&#x20AC;˘ Strong Microsoft Office and communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ CBD location â&#x20AC;˘ Young and friendly team, nice offices â&#x20AC;˘ $22 plus super â&#x20AC;˘ Start now for 3 months with a view to extend to 6 months

COLLECTIONS $24-$26 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLE)

ACCOUNTS PAYABLE/RECEIVABLE $24-$26 PER HOUR

We have a fantastic collections opportunity working for a leading global bank.

Do you have accounts payable/receivable experience?? We have clients in the city seeking candidates for immediate start.

Candidates must possess the following; â&#x20AC;˘ At least 12 months experience in Collections (Banking and Finance) â&#x20AC;˘ Tenacious and hard-working â&#x20AC;˘ Team player Excellent opportunity to work in Sydneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s CBD for a prestigious organization.

The ideal candidate will; â&#x20AC;˘ Thrive in a busy environment â&#x20AC;˘ High attention to detail â&#x20AC;˘ At least 2 years experience â&#x20AC;˘ Ability to prioritize workload Assignments are up to 6 months paying $24-$26 an hour. To apply for these roles please email your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Already have a job and want more money? Call 1300 freespirit to ask us about LAFHA.

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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other benefi ts are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com

JUST CUTS are seeking fully qualifi ed hairdressers, friendly and interactive professionals who pride themselves in doing quality cuts every time. If you love working in a team environment and are looking for a new exciting challenge email Maxine.mm@ optusnet. com.au or ph 0734919626. Salons around Australiagreat chances to move around the country!

MELBOURNE

PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call jerry on 03 9867 6322 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555

SYDNEY Call Centre - Travellers Wanted! Our Client is seeking travellers with fantastic customer service and sale skills for a 6-8 temp assignment. Your role will be generating leads on behalf of a well established global client through warm and cold calling. Paying $22 Plus Super If you think you are right for the role then please send your detailed resume to tc@freespirit.com.au

INDUSTRIOUS RECRUITMENT

is currently looking for casual staff with experience in: Warehousing, Labouring, Stores, Process Work, Green card and safety boots are an advantage – however not essential! Various assignments, short & long term! Email sarah@ industriousrecruitment.com.au or contact Sarah @ (02) 9270 5257 DATA ENTRY OFFICER – TRAVELLERS WELCOME!! Our Client is seeking an experienced Data Entry Offi cer with the following criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience. English fl uency. Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity. Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are the right candidate for this role please forward your resume through to mailto:tc@freespirit.com.au

SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney offi ces As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to

resumes@internode.on.net 60

BBM-597 // JOB LISTINGS

ADULT EMPLOYMENT -BEJFT SFR (VBSBOUFFE #VTJFTU E E #FTU 3BUF JO 4ZEOFZ 63(&/5 &"3/ , 1&3 4)*'5 1"*% %"*-: /P FYQFSJFODF SFRVJSFE GVMM USBJOJOH BOE GSFF BDDPNNPEBUJPO ,JOH 4U /FXUPXO 4U 1FUFST XXX BNPSF DPN BV

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Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour

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Female Masseurs Required $115 p/hr Full Training Provided Immediate Start Flexible Shifts Fun & Friendly Girls Team

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KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road. 261 Parramatta Rd Broadway 02 9660 0666 www.kingscourt.com.au

BBM-597 // JOB LISTINGS

JOB LISTINGS

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BBM-597 // JOB LISTINGS

ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY

MELBOURNE BONDI JUNCTION. CHEAPER THAN A DORM: Walking distance to Cock and Bull and Tea Gardens. Rooms available: Singles, doubles, triples and quads. All bills inc. All rooms include kitchenette, fridge, microwave. Laundry. Spotless. Near transport. Oxford Court Accommodation. From $120pppw. 170 Oxford Street, Woollahra. Call 9327 2233 / 0412 547 840. Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms in the heart of the city. Dorm beds single $40 per night or $180 per week, double rooms $80 per night OR $320 per week. Call 02 9211 4454 for details

DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION - Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.

FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA

Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park.

Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566

Potts Point â&#x20AC;&#x201C; CLOSE TO CITY. Large Studio in garden complex. Close to Kings Cross station. Suitable for a couple. Fully furnished and equipped with everything you need including TV, linen, crockery, microwave etc. $395pw. Call 0425286445

TO ADVERTISE CALL

ON (02) 8231 7701

BBM-597 // ACCOMMODATION

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY

SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!

JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au CASA RADIANTE 373 - 375 Bulwara Road, Ultimo Sydney, NSW, 2007 Ph: 0412692824 or 0404 246 003 STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au

PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au

Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

LIDO SUITES 2 Roslyn Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, 2011 Ph: 02 8354 0956 Toll Free: 1800 060 954 Fax: 02 9360 5670 kcsuites@leisureinnhotels.com www.leisureinnhotels.com Modern, boutique studio rooms located in the hub of Kings Cross’ non-stop energy and within easy reach of all Sydney’s best attractions.

BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com KANGA HOUSE BACKPACKERS 141 Victoria St, Kings Cross NSW 2011 FREECALL 1800 4 KANGA Ph: 9357 7897 Fax: 8354 0439 info@kangahouse.com.au www.kangahouse.com.au HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au

MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL

428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au

THE ROYAL HOTEL

370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au

SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com

NEWCASTLE

BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au

BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865

HUNTER VALLEY

GOLDCOAST

HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

KATOOMBA

KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

JINDABYNE

SNOWY MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS Ph: 1800 333 468 7-8 Gippsland St. Jindabyne NSW 2627 Fax: 02 6456 1511 backpack@snowy.net.au www.snowybackpackers.com.au

BYRON BAY

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!

ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

NAMBUCCA HEADS

NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

LAKE TABOURIE

LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

QUEENSLAND BRISBANE

TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800 www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

spbr@bigpond.net.au

CALOUNDRA

CALOUNDRA CITY BACKPACKERS 84 Omrah Avenue Caloundra, Sunshine Coast Queensland, Phone: 61 7 5499 7655 www.caloundracitybackpackers.com.au

MOOLOOLABA

MOOLOOLABA BACKPACKERS 75 Brisbane Rd Mooloolaba QLD (07) 5444 3399 www.mooloolababackpackers.com

MACKAY

GECKO’S REST 34 Sydney st Mackay QLD 4740 Ph: 07 49441230 www.geckorest.com.au info@geckorest.com.au

NOOSA

NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com

HERVEY BAY

NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)

COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free

GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au

MISSION BEACH

ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH

28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

BBM-597 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

CAPE TRIBULATION

PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com

WHITSUNDAYS

BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

AIRLIE BEACH

MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE

Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

RAINBOW BEACH

PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!

WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH

WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au

ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966

madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au

www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com ROYAL HOTEL 531 Wellington Street, Perth Western 6000 Ph: 08 9338 5100 wentpert@fc-hotels.com.au www.royalhotelperth.com.au YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

MONKEY MIA

TOWN SHOP Ross St Mall, Maidstone Cresent, Exmouth, Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060

MONKEY MIA

MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

BBM-597 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

KUNUNURRA

KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

VICTORIA MILDURA

RIVERBOAT BUNGALOW BACKPACKERS (Part of Working Hostels Mildura group) 27 Chaffey Ave Mildura, Victoria 3500 Tel: 0447 WORKER (0447 967 537) info@workinghostels.com.au www.workinghostels.com.au REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

HALLS GAP

BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au

www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

MELBOURNE

GLOBAL BACKPACKERS 238 Victoria St (cnr Elizabeth St) Nth Melbourne, Vic, 3051 (opposite Queen Vic Market)

Freecall: 1800 700 478 globalhostel@yahoo.com.au www.globalbackpackers.com.au Best kept secret in town - small, simple, centrally located. $20 dorms Decent accommodation cheap!

EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 MELBOURNE METRO YHA

78 Howard Street North Melbourne 3051 Phone: (+613) 9329 8599 Web: www.yha.com.au Email: melbmetro@yhavic.org.au NOMADS MELBOURNE

196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com

Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay

EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com

$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au

Australia THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS

450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au MELBOURNE OASIS YHA 76 Chapman St. North Melbourne VIC Ph: 03 9328 3595 oasis@yhavic.org.au http://www.yha.com.au

Inviting all British Balls enthusiasts to check out Melbourne’s completely BUNK FREE hostel. Guaranteeing a good nights sleep! Foxtel TV & free swimming pool pass. Beds start at $27.

HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au

ST. KILDA

OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms RITZ FOR BACKPACKERS 169b Fitzroy Street St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, 3182 Ph: 1800 670 364 info@ritzbackpackers.com www.ritzbackpackers.com HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au

Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com

APOLLO BAY

APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au

NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN

CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au

HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS

CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more

SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand TE PUKE

HAIRY BERRY BACKPACKER HOSTEL 2 No 1 Road, Te Puke NZ 0064 07 5738015 or 021 520539 www.hairyberrynz.com work@hairyberrynz.com “Bring this add for 100MB FREE internet on arrival & we garantee help to get seasonal work”

CHRISTCHURCH

CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

QUEENSTOWN

BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new fl ashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER

CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

AUCKLAND

WELLINGTON

NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com

NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefi eld Stree Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night

$5 off fi rst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off fi rst night if you mention this ad

GREYMOUTH

KATIKATI OUR LITTLE PARADISE 378 Whara Whara Road KatiKati Ph +64 7 5490978 ourlittleparadise@ihug.co.nz

KARI KARI PENINSULA NORTHLAND

DUKE BACKPACKERS 7 Guinness Street, Greymouth Ph: 03-7689470 dukenz@clear.net.nz www.duke.co.nz

THE RUSTY ANCHOR

NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fi jinadibayhotel.com TRAVELLERS BEACH RESORT 19 Wasawasa Road, Nadi Bay Beach Ph: 6723322 Fax: 6720026 travellersbeach@connect.com.fj www.travellersbeachresort. com.fj Skype: travellersbeach

NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacifi c Harbou P.O.Box 416 Pacifi c Habou Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

1 Tokerau Beach Rd Kari Kari Peninsula Northland 0800 78 78 92 info@rustyanchor.co.nz www.rustyanchor.co.nz

Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfi ji.comwww beachcomberfi ji.com AQUARIUS PACIFIC HOTELS LIMITED 17 Wasawasa Road, Newtown, Wailoaloa, Nadi Ph: (679) 6726 000 Fax: (679) 6726 001 reservations@aquariusfi ji.co www.aquariusfi ji.co

THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fi jibeachouse.co www.fi jibeachouse.co SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfi ji.com Skype name: Smugglers Cove

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfi ji com HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfi ji.co

BBM-597 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES

SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com

The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs

SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre

Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au

Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!

SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au

Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef

SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au

Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

NEW ZEALAND

SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com

NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

FIJI

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA

SOUTH WEST ROCKS DIVE CENTRE 5/98 Gregory St, South West Rocks, NSW, 2431 Tel: 02 65 66 6474 info@southwestrocksdive.com.au www.southwestrocksdive.com.au

Experience Australia’s best ocean cave & shark dive. Catering for first timers to experienced divers

THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. FISH ROCK DIVE CENTRE 134 Gregory St South West Rocks, NSW 2431 Ph: (02) 6566 6614 or 0414 381985 www.fishrock.com.au dive@fishrock.com.au World class diving, Gray Nurse Sharks, Caves, Whales...this is the real thing!

NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE

Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au

SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS

Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

FIJI

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com

TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA

YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au

JET BOATING

NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA

The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.

ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022

RAFTING

GLACIER GUIDING

OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au

Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

AUSTRALIA

Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au

HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA

BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

NEW ZEALAND

SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au

JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au

RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA

SURFING

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au

AUSTRALIA

BUNGY JUMPING

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com

Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience

MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au

AUSTRALIA

AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

KITESURF 1770 / IKO CER TIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au

Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.

BBM-597 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

CRYSTAL BALLS

Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week

Cancer

Libra

Capricorn

BEING notoriously sensitive, it

THIS month your eye is caught by

YOU have been after her for

is finally time to man up and get

an advert in a magazine appealing

months, the sexy girl from your

over the break-up - it’s been five

for models in a high-brow catwalk

hostel.

years for god sake!

competition.

Now we know that the pug type

Naturally you go along, but don’t

woo her by following her and

thing in the other room that

have any high hopes since the

her friends everywhere they go

remotely resembles a woman

competition doesn’t actually

and wanking over her Facebook

is highly irritating and makes no

involve modeling any clothes and

photo’s in the internet room are

secret that she will shag anything

the audiences consists mainly

not getting you anywhere.

breathing, however it’s about time

of middle aged men with beer

you wet your willy and with a

bellies.

Sadly your creepy attempts to

Aries THEY say that love is blind, but that doesn’t explain why she is

pillow case covering her face she really doesn’t look that bad.

Lets face it, you are no Johnny Depp so maybe it’s times to give

Sorry, looks like its back to

up before you are arrested and

stocking shelves at Woolworths

deported. There’s plenty more fish

for you.

in the sea.

dating you. Although, do you not

Leo

often get the feeling that perhaps

RECENTLY you have been

the way you keep dishing out

unable to sleep at nights. The

Scorpio

Aquarius

the dosh each day to buy her

frustration of not understanding

YOUR knack for winning

YOU’RE the kind of person

expensive gifts could be one of

why your boyfriend would rather

arguments amazes you. However

who thinks that Barbour jackets,

the reasons?

have fun going on goon binges

let us point out that the only

smudged eyeliner and skinny

with his mates than spend

reason you win them in the first

jeans so tight that your winkle

Saturday evenings watching Glee

place is because everyone is so

has not been in circulation for

repeats with you is a mystery.

fed up hearing your irritatingly,

several years are an integral part

high pitched voice.

of expressing yourself.

Taurus YOU have always had an avid interest in the arts, mind you this does not mean that you yourself

The answer is you are a boring,

are considered to be an artist.

moaning old bint who gives

In addition to that, perhaps the

The thing is underneath it all lies

sloppy bj’s and could do with

reason you don’t have any friends

a self-loathing, underachieving,

losing a few pounds.

is because you are such an

former Linkin Park lover who

arsehole. Basically no one likes

craves for someone to try and

you.

love you for you.

Living off of your girlfriend’s money whilst you sit around attempting to build a pyramid

Happily, all is not lost. If you are

out of a pack of Uno cards and

able to change your entire self

gargling on Strongbow just means

then there is still a chance for your

Sagittarius

Sadly dreams like this often don’t

that you are a lazy twat who

relationship - yay!

SAGITTARIANS are known widely

make it to reality, sorry kid.

needs a kick up the backside.

Gemini

Virgo

for their good-humour and brutal honesty.

AS shy and delicate as you are

Pisces OK, so you’ve being doing the

OK you two have been arguing

it is not a good idea to bottle up

However it is a shame that no one

dirty with someone in a random

over this for too long now.

your anger.

is able to be honest with you.

alley and yes that someone does

The fact is that neither of you are

However jamming a Swedish

Despite your hardest efforts

hot. Unless the Sarah Jessica

backpacker’s face into the

you are never going to be able

Parker look but with a bigger nose

vending machine for selfishly

to pull off those G-string bikini

After all, none of this is your fault,

and an even more haggard face

asking to borrow some milk is a

bottoms and that ‘barely-there’

you can’t help being a complete

is considered attractive then I

little bit excessive.

bikini top unless you want to look

slapper who can’t keep her legs

like Michelle McManus after the

closed after two smirnoff ices’ and a smile.

happen to be your besties’ new

don’t think either of you are ever

going to get the glamour modeling

Ok perhaps it’s better to bottle it

disappointment of her failed pop

career you so eagerly want.

all up after all.

career kicks in.

boyfriend, but why so much guilt?

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

$/.+!20%4 0TY ,TD $ , TRADING AS

#6:*/( 4&--*/( 3&/5*/( (PPE TFMFDUJPO PG $BST 8BHPOT 7BOT $BNQFSWBOT 8% 41&$*"-*454 0WFS WFIJDMFT JO TUPDL XJUI VQ UP #6: #"$, "MM XJUI DBNQJOH HFBS "MM WFIJDMFT GPS TBMF IBWF B (PWFSONFOU BQQSPWFE 3PBEXPSUIZ $FSUJmDBUF 1JOL 4MJQ JTTVFE CZ */%&1&/%&/5 .&$)"/*$4 OPU $PNQBOZ FNQMPZFFT MJLF NPTU DBS EFBMFST '3&& JOGPSNBUJPO XJUI UJQT GPS CVZJOH TFMMJOH BOE USBWFMMJOH 5SBOTGFS 3FHJTUSBUJPO GPSNT GPS BMM 4UBUFT '3&& "EWJDF PO 3FHJTUSBUJPOT 5SBOTGFST XIJDI 4UBUFT BSF DIFBQFTU FBTJFTU UP 5SBOTGFS BOE 3FHJTUFS '3&& .POUIT "VTUSBMJB 8JEF 8BSSBOUZ HVBSBOUFFF XJUI IS SPBETJEF BTTJTUBODF BWBJMBCMF PO NPTU WFIJDMFT DPOEJUJPOT BQQMZ /05 B LN XBSSBOUZ XIJDI HFUT ZPV BCPVU PG ZPVS XBZ BSPVOE "VTUSBMJB

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#063,& 45 800--00.00-00 /PU DPNJOH UP 4ZEOFZ 5IFO CVZ BOE TFMM POMJOF !

XXX DBSNBSLFU DPN BV

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

ASK CRYSTAL out of my flat I remembered

where you are going.

that I had stupidly given her my Also, no matter how much you

stop texting me. Help!

want to keep in contact with your

WE’VE ALL had those days

mother is it really worth finding

where we feel like biting each

dog features has tracked you

other’s head’s off.

Harry, Newtown

Dear Harry, Dear Crystal,

Dear Caity,

number and now she will not

EVERYONE knows that pulling a

down and taken over your igloo?

Dear Crystal,

ming mong is basically asking for

However, if this is really becoming a regular occurrence, the best and most obvious

I MET what I thought was

trouble, not only is this the first

MY BOYFRIEND and I were

solution is to take off with his

a really nice girl on a night

taste of love that she has ever

the perfect couple, but then we

money, his passport and do one.

out recently. One thing lead

encountered (although to you it’s

made the big mistake of coming

to another and we ended up

just another notch on the belt),

to Australia to travel together.

shagging which we both enjoyed.

it is also going to be incredibly

However the next morning I had

difficult to get rid of her.

the fright of my life when I saw

Not only will this show him how much of an arse he is it will also

Now all I have to look forward

make him understand that this

to each day is lots of arguing. I

woman is not one to mess with.

her face which resembled that of

So my suggestion is to pack

remember when we used to be

an old man’s foot.

your bags, bin your mobile and

bonking like bunnies every day

Plus just think of all the new

take off to the Antarctic and

now we can’t even stay in the

clothes that cash could go

remember not to tell anyone

same bed. Should I end it?

towards – you’ll have a new

After successfully getting her

Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail editor@britishballs.com

Caity, St Kilda

bloke in minutes!

TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS

JOKES “IS that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?” My late wife’s last words. John, Wollongong

Get yer tits out for the lads!” The other dads at the netball match weren’t happy. Peter, Somerset

I WAS having dinner with Mr T and he said: “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” I said: “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.” Susanne Toomey, Bondi

EVERY time I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It’s called the Heineken Manoeuvre. Sam, Surry Hills

MY wife has worked as a magician’s assistant for years now. I think she’s picked up a few tricks. I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, “Abracadabra!” and my mate Dave came out of the wardrobe, stark naked. Poor bastard must have wondered what was going on. Roger, Randwick

I’VE bought two 100m tickets for the London 2012 Olympics. You should have seen the size of the envelope they came in. Susanne Toomey, Bondi

JUST got back from two months working in Asia. I can’t wait to see my family and friends. The TV is shit over there. Jimbo, Cairns I SAW a group of girls wearing knee high socks and short skirts so I shouted: “Oi, oi!

MY girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection. So I’ve volunteered to clean pigeon shit from Sydney Opera House. Rick, Darwin I DONATED to a sperm bank yesterday. I had sex with Kerry Katona Timothy, Perth

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Manchester United2616913257 Arsenal2717553056 Manchester City2714761949 Tottenham Hotspur271386747 Chelsea2613672445 Liverpool2711610339 Sunderland279108037 Bolton Wanderers27 9 Newcastle United279810435 Stoke City2710314-333 Blackburn Rovers279513-832 Blackpool279513-932 Fulham276138031 Everton266128-330 Birmingham City266128-1030 Aston Villa277911-1530 West Bromwich Albion277713-1728 Wigan Athletic2751210-1827 West Ham United2751012-1825 Wolverhampton Wanderers277416-1925

LEAGUE 1

CHAMPIONSHIP

PlWDL+/-Pts

Tables accurate as of noon Friday, February 25th, AEST.

PlWDL+/-Pts Queens Park Rangers33171333364 Swansea City33185101559 Cardiff City3317791558 Nottingham Forest32151251657 Norwich City33151171056 Leeds United33141271054 Leicester City3315612051 Hull City3312138549 Reading33111481247 Burnley3112118947 Millwall33121011746 Watford3212911845 Ipswich Town3212614242 Barnsley3311913-942 Portsmouth3211813-341 Coventry City3211615-439 Bristol City3310815-1038 Doncaster Rovers3210814-1638 Derby County3210616-436 Middlesbrough3110615-436 Crystal Palace339717-2134 Scunthorpe United319418-2331 Sheffi eld United337818-232 Preston North End325918-2524

LEAGUE 2

PlWDL+/-Pts Brighton and Hove Albion AFC Bournemouth Huddersfi eld Tow Peterborough United Southampton Milton Keynes Dons FC Charlton Athletic Oldham Athletic Colchester United Rochdale Leyton Orient Carlisle United Exeter City Hartlepool United Brentford Sheffi eld Wednesda Tranmere Rovers Notts County Yeovil Town Swindon Town Walsall Bristol Rovers Dagenham & Redbridge Plymouth Argyle

PlWDL+/-Pts Chesterfi el Wycombe Wanderers Shrewsbury Town Rotherham United Bury Port Vale Gillingham Oxford United Southend United Torquay United Crewe Alexandra Stevenage Football Club Cheltenham Town Accrington Stanley Northampton Town Lincoln City Aldershot Town Macclesfi eld Tow Hereford United Morecambe Bradford City Burton Albion Stockport County Barnet

2917843459 32151072255 3115791552 3115511750 2914782349 3314712-249 291388647 3211138446 3111128-145 2911117844 2911108943 3011910742 3111911-642 3111812-1441 3011613-439 3010713237 3010713-537 2710512035 309615-1533 3271015-1331 328618-1830 317915-2830 297814-1229 329617-1923

32171142562 3115881053 3114981951 3114891550 3013981748 311399648 3212119647 3213811447 3113711546 30111181144 31119111042 3110129842 32101111-441 299128-239 3191210-339 3011514-1438 3181310-737 299812-835 3081012-934 3281014-1234 3110417-1234 267811-429 3261016-3928 326917-2227

OTHER LEAGUES

FOCUS ON

THE BLUE SQUARE PREMIER WHILE most neutral fans have been cheering Crawley’s FA Cup heroics, non-league football fans have been secretly hoping they get hammered. Their manager Steve ‘Tax Fraud’ Evans isn’t exactly Mr Popular in non-league circles after his cheating exploits with Boston and although they may have bowed out with pride in England’s biggest cup competition it may have come at a price. After looking nailed-on for promotion before the cup run, they’re now second with a mountain of games in hand. And with only one team getting automatic promotion, let’s hope Crawley fuck it up. Hurrah!

PlWDL+/-Pts AFC Wimbledon 3320762867 Crawley Town 2818733461 Luton Town3017763358 Wrexham32151161256 Fleetwood Town34141281854 Kidderminster Harriers33161071253 Newport County3111128845 Grimsby Town3111119944 York City3012810144 Darlington30101371043 Mansfi eld Town311271244 Rushden & Diamonds3012711343 Gateshead3011910242 Bath City32101111-141 Kettering Town3110912-539 Tamworth3181112-935 Cambridge United3381015-934 Southport308814-432 Forest Green Rovers3171014-2131 Hayes & Yeading United339420-2731 Barrow3061113-1429 Altrincham317717-3428 Histon328816-2027 Eastbourne Borough315818-3023

SERIE A AC Milan Napoli Internazionale Lazio Udinese Juventus Palermo AS Roma Cagliari Genoa Fiorentina Bologna Chievo Sampdoria Parma Lecce Catania Brescia Cesena Bari

SCOTTISH PREMIER PlWDL+/-Pts Celtic2620424464 Rangers2418243056 Heart of Midlothian2617361954 Kilmarnock2610610536 Motherwell2710413-634 Inverness Caledonian Thistle26 8 9 9 Dundee United23 7 9 7 St. Johnstone258611-1230 Aberdeen269215-1429 Hibernian267415-1725 St. Mirren265714-2022 Hamilton Academical252815-2914

3 -

3 3

LA LIGA

PlWDL+/-Pts

BBM-597 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

2616732655 2616461952 2615561850 2614661148 2613581244 261187941 2612410840 251168239 2610511435 26989-135 2 6 8 9 25988-632 267109-131 267109-431 266911-1127 267613-1827 266812-1226 266515-1323 265714-1722 263617-2615

PlWDL+/-Pts

FC Barcelona Real Madrid Valencia CF Villarreal CF Athletic Bilbao RCD Espanyol Sevilla FC Real Sociedad Atlético Madrid Getafe CF 3RCD Mallorca Racing Santander Deportivo La Coruña Osasuna Hércules CF Sporting Gijón Levante UD Real Zaragoza UD Almería Málaga CF

2421216065 2419323660 2414641348 2414461846 2412210438 2412111-537 2410410-234 2411112-234 2410311233 249411-331 249411-631 247710-1228 246810-1426 246711-525 247413-1425 245910-824 247314-1224 245811-1523 244911-1621 245514-1920

FOOTBALL RESULTS Thursday, 24 February 2011 Uefa Europa League Ajax 2-0 Anderlecht (agg 5-0) Bayer Leverkusen 2-0 FC Metalist Kharkiv (agg 6-0) Braga 2-0 Lech Poznan (agg 2-1) Dynamo Kiev 4-0 Besiktas (agg 8-1) FC Twente 2-2 Rubin Kazan (agg 4-2) Liverpool 1-0 Sparta Prague (agg 1-0) Man City 3-0 Aris Salonika (agg 3-0) Paris SG 0-0 BATE Borisov (agg 2-2 - PSG win on away goals) PSV Eindhoven 3-1 Lille (agg 5-3) Spartak Moscow 1-1 Basle (agg 4-3) Sporting 2-2 Rangers (agg 3-3) (Rangers win on away goals) VfB Stuttgart 0-2 Benfi ca (agg 1-4 Villarreal 2-1 Napoli (agg 2-1) Zenit St Petersburg 3-1 Young Boys (agg 4-3) Wednesday, 23 February Uefa Champions League Inter Milan 0-1 Bayern Munich Marseille 0-0 Man Utd Barclays Premier League Arsenal 1-0 Stoke Uefa Europa League Porto 0-1 Sevilla (agg 2-2) (Porto win on away goals) Clydesdale Bank Premier League Motherwell 0-1 St Mirren Scottish Second Division Ayr 0-4 East Fife Scottish Third Division Arbroath 2-0 Elgin Stranraer 4-1 East Stirling Blue Square Bet South Lewes 0-3 Ebbsfl eet Unite Scot-Ads Highland Football League Deveronvale 7-1 Formartine Utd Inverurie Locos 0-0 Huntly Nairn County 4-0 Keith Rothes 0-1 Buckie Thistle Turriff United 9-1 Strathspey Thistle ---------------------------------------------------------Tuesday, 22 February Uefa Champions League FC Copenhagen 0-2 Chelsea Lyon 1-1 Real Madrid Barclays Premier League Blackpool 3-1 Tottenham Uefa Europa League CSKA Moscow 1-1 PAOK Salonika (agg 2-1) Npower Championship Cardiff 2-0 Leicester Coventry 0-1 Swansea Derby 0-1 Hull Leeds 3-3 Barnsley Norwich 1-1 Doncaster Nott’m Forest 2-2 Preston Portsmouth 1-0 Crystal Palace QPR 2-0 Ipswich Reading 2-1 Millwall Scunthorpe 3-2 Sheff Utd Watford 1-3 Bristol City Npower League One Bournemouth 0-0 Sheff Wed Brentford 2-1 Tranmere Brighton 4-0 Plymouth Carlisle 2-2 Exeter Dag & Red 1-1 Huddersfi eld Hartlepool 0-0 Southampton MK Dons 0-0 Oldham Peterborough 1-1 Colchester Npower League Two Accrington Stanley 3-2 Crewe Bradford 0-1 Chesterfi eld Cheltenham 2-2 Torquay Hereford 1-1 Northampton Macclesfi eld 2-0 Morecamb Port Vale 1-3 Stevenage Southend 2-1 Barnet Wycombe 4-1 Burton Albion Clydesdale Bank Premier League Aberdeen 1-0 Hamilton St Johnstone 0-0 Dundee Utd Blue Square Bet Premier AFC Wimbledon 0-1 Wrexham Altrincham 0-0 York Barrow 0-2 Tamworth Bath City 2-2 Newport County Crawley Town 1-0 Southport Darlington 1-1 Kidderminster Grimsby 1-1 Forest Green Histon 0-2 Cambridge Utd Kettering 1-4 Gateshead Rushden & D’mnds 2-0 Eastbourne Boro Scottish First Division

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Morton 1-0 Partick Thistle Queen of South 2-2 Stirling Raith Rovers 1-2 Dundee Ross County 0-0 Dunfermline Scottish Second Division Airdrie Utd 2-0 Forfar Brechin 1-0 Livingston Dumbarton 3-0 Peterhead Scottish Third Division Berwick 1-0 Montrose Clyde 0-1 Albion Queen’s Park 3-0 Annan Athletic ---------------------------------------------------------Monday, 21 February The FA Cup West Ham 5-1 Burnley Carling Premiership Crusaders 2-1 Glentoran Donegal Celtic 1-1 Coleraine Dungannon Swifts 0-0 Newry ---------------------------------------------------------Sunday, 20 February Barclays Premier League West Brom 1-1 Wolverhampton The FA Cup Fulham 0-1 Bolton Leyton Orient 1-1 Arsenal Man City 5-0 Notts County Clydesdale Bank Premier League Celtic 3-0 Rangers St Mirren 0-1 Hibernian ---------------------------------------------------------Saturday, 19 February The FA Cup Birmingham 3-0 Sheff Wed Chelsea 1-1 Everton (Everton win 4-3 on penalties) Man Utd 1-0 Crawley Town Stoke 3-0 Brighton Npower Championship Crystal Palace 1-0 Sheff Utd Ipswich 1-1 Hull Leeds 2-2 Norwich Millwall 2-3 Middlesbrough Nott’m Forest 2-1 Cardiff Portsmouth 1-0 Barnsley Preston 1-1 QPR Reading 1-1 Watford Scunthorpe 0-0 Derby Swansea 3-0 Doncaster Npower League One Bournemouth 1-1 Huddersfi el Bristol Rovers 1-0 Oldham Charlton 1-3 Exeter Colchester 2-0 Walsall Hartlepool 0-1 MK Dons Peterborough 2-1 Tranmere Swindon 0-1 Carlisle Npower League Two Cheltenham 1-1 Barnet Crewe 0-1 Stevenage Gillingham 1-1 Bury Hereford 0-0 Burton Albion Lincoln City 0-2 Chesterfi el Morecambe 0-3 Oxford Utd Northampton 1-1 Aldershot Stockport 1-4 Macclesfi el Torquay 1-1 Southend Wycombe 1-2 Accrington Stanley Clydesdale Bank Premier League Aberdeen 5-0 Kilmarnock Hearts 2-1 Dundee Utd Inverness CT 2-0 St Johnstone Motherwell 1-0 Hamilton Blue Square Premier Altrincham 3-2 Kettering Barrow 2-2 Mansfi el Eastbourne Boro 2-2 Histon Fleetwood Town 3-0 Grimsby Forest Green 1-1 Darlington Hayes & Yeading 1-0 Southport Tamworth 2-5 AFC Wimbledon Wrexham 2-7 Gateshead Scottish First Division Cowdenbeath 0-3 Raith Rovers Morton 0-4 Queen of South Stirling 0-1 Dundee Scottish Second Division Airdrie Utd 0-2 Alloa East Fife 0-0 Brechin Livingston 2-1 Stenhousemuir Peterhead 1-2 Dumbarton

FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’ s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.pr emierleague.com for all the latest r esults and standings. T able below was up to date at time of going to press.

Prizes

(in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100

# TEAM MANAGER GW

TOT

1 alovelycupoftea James Horrocks 105

1587

2 Dizzying Heights FC Siva Iyer 99

1553

3 Stop, Hammertime! Paul Steadman 102 4 Alan’s Deep Bath jason kerley 100

1479

5 every week you dan magee 77

1464

6 Mukin Fagic Luke Gately 65 7 Alcohol Fc Ron f 113

1504

1430

1420

8 TippytappyFC Richie Egan 88

1418

9 bobby dazzlerz tom mcelwain 53

1397

10 Holy-family ‘B’ team Pat Mustard 99

1394

11 Rootin & Tootin Oisin Coveney 100 12 Evertonian John Armitage 47

1376 1361

13 Tallulah Neil Weaver 63

1355

14 Arsenal Brian Harvey 93

1355

15 Ozzies Allstars *** James Osborne 67 16 Red Incas Mark Stansfi eld 73 17 The Roosters Steven Cairns 98

1351 1346 1335

18 Change Name brian o gorman 58 19 fi sty cuffs fc Marc Roche 83

1331 1325

20 Insert Name Here Utd Richard Gadsby 56

1323

New Entry Ranking Increased Ranking stayed Ranking Fell the same

WORLD SPORT ENGLAND GO FOR AN INDIAN CRICKET: England’s stuttering World Cup campaign will hit an India-sized wall tomorrow (Sunday). This could be ugly. England only just managed to scrape through against Ned Nederlander and his Dutch cohorts in their f rst group game while, by contrast, India were busy smashing Bangladesh to the four corners of the Earth – amassing a mighty f rst innings total of 370-4 on their way to an 87-run win. In short, England will need a vast improvement to avoid a hammering at the hands of the tournament favourites and co-hosts.

FEEL THE FURY

ENGLAND FIXTURES THIS WEEK:

(27TH FEB) V INDIA (2ND MARCH) V IRELAND

BOXING: In the hitherto unexciting world of British boxing, current national champ Dereck Chisora has told the brilliantly-named Tyson Fury to stop whinging and wait for a title shot.

Meanwhile, Australia’s twat-in-chief Ricky Ponting (pictured) has been reprimanded for damaging a television set in the dressing room after being dismissed against Zimbabwe.

“He came out with a stupid statement… saying that I’m only f ghting Klitschko because I’m scared of him,” said Chisora.

Ponting, 36, was run out for 28 as Australia began the World Cup with a 91-run win in Ahmedabad.

“How can he say that I’m only f ghting for the world title to get a big payday rather than face him in a defence of the British and Commonwealth titles that are mine?

ICC match referee Roshan Mahanama said: “Ricky knows that his action was in breach of the code, involving a brief moment of frustration. That said, it was clear that the damage he caused was purely accidental and without malice.”

“We got a lot of things wrong with our bowling,” said Andrew “no shit” Strauss. “We need to improve. The f rst 50 overs was a very poor performance and the last 10 was extremely poor.”

“I was at Wembley Arena to see Fury knock over some unknown Brazilian in front of a handful of people. It told me nothing other than I will never waste my time going to watch him again.”

THE JOY OF SIX RUGBY UNION: England’s other big representative match at the weekend could well decide who wins the Six Nations this year.

SIX NATIONS FIXTURES THIS WEEK:

ITALY V WALES ENGLAND V FRANCE SCOTLAND V IRELAND

After two games only England and France remain unbeaten but as Belgian indie-dance outf t Soulwax once crooned “something’s gotta give” as the two sides go head to head at Twickenham this Saturday (Sunday morning Sydney time).

with the only change to the side that thrashed Italy being the return of Andrew Sheridan. Mike Tindall stays as captain after Lewis Moody lost his race to be f t.

England have released 10 players from their squad ahead of the clash against France,

“He [Moody] is our captain, we all know what he brings to the team and he’s worked really hard to get back, everyone

was conf dent but these things happen, unfortunately,” said coach Martin Johnson (above). “He’s disappointed, but we haven’t had him so far and the other guys have done a good job, we’re fully happy with James [Haskell] and Tom [Wood].”

COMPETITION It’s UFC 127 weekend, and what better way to celebrate (or try to nurse your UFC hangover) than with a huge UFC DVD pack?

Thanks to our friends at Paramount Home Entertainment, BBM has f ve copies of UFC: Collectors Edition, Volume 13 to give away! This six-disc DVD set features the following Pay-Per-View Events: UFC 98: Rashad Evans vs. Lyoto Machida UFC 99: Rich Franklin vs. Wanderlei Silva UFC 100: Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir UFC 101: BJ Penn vs. Kenny Florian UFC: Collector’s Edition - Volume 13 © 2011

and UFC 102: Randy Couture vs. Antônio Rodrigo Nogueira

It’s a must-have for any UFC fan, retailing at $59.95 each - and you could score a copy for free! Simply visit bbmlive.com/competitions and email us with the answer to this very easy question: Who is the current UFC Heavyweight Champion? If you use the codeword “CAGE” in your entry, you’ll get an extra entry in the comp! Good luck, entries close March 15th. LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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FOOTBALL

VIEWS

THERE’S ALWAYS ROMA TO FALL BACK ON IT HAS not been easy for Carlo Ancelotti (right); trying to deal with strikers well known for being big sulks if they don’t get their own way, not knowing what formation he’s going to choose, let alone stick with. One thing’s for sure, Fernando Torres has to be kept on the pitch at all times. Ambramovich did not spend £50 million pounds to have his Spanish butt on some bench. To no surprise Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba, the senior citizens of the team, will have to fight for a starting place. However, after Nico’s two goals against FC Copenhagen, a must-win game for Ancelotti, BBM sees him winning the race and starting against Manchester United. And he may have just redeemed himself from his missed penalty against

to adapt. But when you’re getting paid a gazillion dollars the fans are entitled to think he should settle in pretty quickly. Frankly, we’d practically do anything you’d ask for half the amount. Funny thing is Chelsea fans have faith that Nando will score a goal. One day. And when that day comes it will be the most expensive goal in history. Andriy Shevchenko anyone? Everton that ended the blues chances of a third FA Cup. Chelsea taking penalties are the same as England taking penalties. You can’t explain why, they just suck at it. Well, patience has run out when it comes to Nando. BBM thought we would give the guy a few games to settle into a new team. It’s like starting a new job, it takes time

If Chelsea need some inspiration they just need to look at AC Milan’s story in 2007 - the year they won the Champions League and came fourth in Serie A. A fairytale ending is still possible for Chelsea. Heck if it doesn’t happen for Chelsea, it will for Ancelotti - who will find himself back at Roma. - Lorna Evio

QUOTES OF THE WEEK “You need to spend money. If you pay peanuts you get monkeys so hopefully they’ll spend it [the Andy Carroll money] and spend it wisely.” Joey Barton seems to have forgotten Newcastle have already broken the bank for Shefki Kuqi.

“I have been told there will be 37,000 people there just waiting to give me a slap, so I will stay in Milan.” Gennaro Gattuso will be washing his hair on the night of AC Milan’s trip to White Hart Lane.

“Ever since I’ve plugged my iPod into our music system and play the stuff I’ve collected at home for our games, we’ve not lost a game.” Dirk Kuyt plays down the King Kenny factor at Anfield.

Australia’s Gold Coast Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground

Spectacular!

HAVE YOU HEARD G G G G G

visit www.adventureGC.com 76

Get back to nature

Catch some rays C

70 kilometres of coastline 300 days of sunshine per year 22°C /72°F average temperature 500 cafes, restaurants and bars 100,000 hectares of World Heritage Rainforest Australia’s biggest range of theme parks and attractions

Meet some loca

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Most savvy travellers think they know what to expect on the Gold Coast; brilliant beaches, super Surfers Paradise nightlife, theme parks galore and the best looking talent in the country. But only a plucky few explorers uncover more than the travel guides are willing to admit. How’d they miss 100,000 hectares of world heritage rainforest, 500 kilometres of canals, the year round water sports or the sacred indigenous landmarks? Perhaps they just weren’t up for the challenge. Choose YOUR OWN adventure in Australia’s playground.

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FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FEATURE

LONDON CARLING JUST like people moaning about Christmas decorations, the Carling Cup seems to arrive earlier and earlier each year. “How early?” we hear those of you who don’t really give a monkey’s about the FA Cup’s spottier, unattractive younger brother ask. Well it’s this Sunday actually (Monday

morning Sydney time). This year it’s Birmingham’s turn to be the token Premier League team beaten by one of the big four in the f nal. And while it might be the highlight of the season for one half of the West Midlands, most Arsenal fans will probably be

1967: QPR 3 WEST BROM 2 The f rst year the competition that wasn’t played over two legs was also a cracker. It looked over at half-time with Third Division underdogs QPR 2-0 down to top-f ight West Brom. But three goals in 20 second-half minutes, including a wonderful solo effort from Rodney Marsh (left), saw QPR become the f rst Third Division side to win a major trophy.

1988: LUTON 3 ARSENAL 2 Two goals in the last 10 minutes and an inspired performance from goalkeeper Andy Dibble gave Luton their f rst major honour. At 2-1 down, Dibble kept out Martin Hayes, Michael Thomas and David Rocastle before saving a Nigel Winterburn (right) penalty to keep Luton in it. Danny Wilson then levelled before Mark Stein grabbed the winner in the f nal minute.

more interested in the Gunners other cup game a week later – in a competition that hasn’t even reached the quarter-f nal stage yet. While that might work in Birmingham’s favour, it’s hardly going to make up for the vast gulf in talent between the two teams. On the plus side, it gives BBM the perfect excuse to run our top f ve League Cup f nals…

2005: CHELSEA 3 LIVERPOOL 2 Possibly the source of the big rivalry between Rafael Benitez (left) and Jose Mourinho. John Arne Riise put Liverpool ahead after just 42 seconds and it stayed that way until the 80th minute – when Stevie Gerrard, headed into his own net. Mourinho’s reaction was to put his f nger to his lips to Liverpool fans who had taunted him. Chelsea went on to win in extra-time.

1969: SWINDON TOWN 3 ARSENAL 1 One of the greatest upsets in the history of the League Cup. Swindon went into the match two divisions below First Division Arsenal but against the run of play scored the opening goal. Bobby Gould equalised with four minutes of the match left, but an inspired keeping performance by Peter Downsborough kept Swindon in it and in extra-time Don Rogers scored twice to clinch Swindon’s only major cup triumph.

1993: ARSENAL 2 SHEFFIELD WEDS 1 Probably best remembered for the post-match celebration mishap. Steve Morrow scored the winner in what should have been the f nest moment of the defender’s career. Instead, Morrow was dropped by an over-exuberant Tony Adams as the Gunners celebrated victory, meaning Morrow missed the FA Cup f nal a week later through injury. Hilarious.

THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!

with ace pundit Chris Kamara

A major Spanish newspaper, The AS, has been forced to apologise after airbrushing out a defender to make it look like David Villa was offside for Barcelona’s opening goal in last week’s match 2-1 win over Athletic Bilbao. The AS, which is traditionally sympathetic to Barca’s main rivals Real Madrid, blamed a “computer graphics error” for the disappearance of last man Dani Alves. Bizarrely, Villa still looks offside even with the last defender in the photograph. Unbelievable Jeff! 78

WEEKEND FIXTURES Saturday 26th February Barclays Premier League Aston Villa v Blackbur n Rovers Everton v Sunderland Newcastle United v Bolton Wigan Athletic v Man United Wolverhampton v Blackpool npower Championship Swansea City v Leeds United Barnsley v Norwich City Bristol City v Scunthorpe Crystal Palace v Reading Doncaster Rovers v Watford Hull City v Cardiff City Ipswich Town v Portsmouth Leicester City v Coventry City Middlesbrough v QPR Millwall v Nottingham Forest Preston North v Burnley Sheffield Utd v Derby County npower League 1 Brentford v Bristol Rovers Carlisle v Sheff Weds Dagenham v Bournemouth Exeter City v Hartlepool Huddersfield v Leyton O MK Dons v Brighton Oldham v Peterborough Plymouth Argyle v Colchester Southampton v Swindon Tranmere Rovers v Yeovil Town Walsall v Rochdale npower League 2 Acc Stanley v Torquay United Aldershot Town v Port Vale Barnet FC v Lincoln City Bradford City v Stockport Burton Albion v Rotherham Bury v Crewe Chesterfield v Morecambe Macclesfield v Wycombe Oxford United v Hereford Shrewsbury v Gillingham Southend v Northampton Stevenage v Cheltenham Town Scottish Premier League Aberdeen v Hearts Hamilton Ac v Dundee Utd Hibernian v Inverness Kilmarnock v St Mirren Sunday 27th February Barclays Premier League West Ham v Liverpool Man City v Fulham Carling Cup Final Arsenal v Birmingham City Scottish Premier League Motherwell v Celtic Rangers v St Johnstone

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FOOTBALL

NEWS ROUND-UP

BRETT NETS QUIZ QUESTION TAG BRETT Ormerod has f nally evolved into a pub quiz question after becoming the f rst player to score in each of England’s top four divisions for one club. The 34year-old made history when he hit the net for Blackpool against a knackered Spurs side in last week’s 3-1 win. “It’s done now so hopefully I can kick on from there,” he whined. FOR those Chelsea supporters currently wondering whether Fernando Torres was worth the money, just remember it could have been worse. You could have bought Andy Carroll. Liverpool’s record signing is yet to play a game following his £35m transfer window move. And King Kenneth has poured Scotch f rewater on the suggestion that the Geordie hotshot will f nally be f t for this weekend’s game against West Ham following his long recovery from a tendon injury. “He is close to full training. I don’t think he’s quite ready for a game yet. Andy’s progress has been exactly what we’d anticipated,” dampened Dalglish.

West Midlands these days. “My transfer fee has obviously now been eclipsed by Torres and Carroll. A lot of people seem to have forgotten about my transfer now, so I’ve just got on with it,” whispered Bent. RANGERS have conf rmed their impending decline in fortunes after off cially unveiling Paula-Yatesshagger Ally McCoist as the man to take over when Walter Smith steps down at the end of the season. LEYTON Orient God-botherer JosePaul M’poku has turned down a free trip to Las Vegas on religious grounds. Orient chairman Barry Hearn was so chuffed with his side’s 1-1 draw

with Arsenal, he rewarded the team with a trip to Vegas in his private jet. “I prefer not to go,” snotty-nosed M’poku. “Las Vegas is a city full of sins and I am a very religious person.” AFTER successfully turning Grimsby Town from a middle-ofthe-road League Two club to a middleof-the-road Conference club, Neil Woods has been sacked as the Mariners’ manager. BBM’s sports editor refused to comment when asked if the only reason this story is in the magazine is because he’s a Grimsby fan. SEPP ‘Emperor Palpatine’ Blatter says FIFA is sitting on a cash mountain of nearly £750million. Amazingly,

it’s not made up of backhanders from shady-looking Qatari businessmen, it’s just the spare change they have left over from the World Cup in South Africa. MILLWALL boy-child Theo Robinson has quit the club after 41 days because he misses Birmingham too much. Robinson, who signed for £300,000 from Huddersf eld six weeks ago, will spend the rest of the season on loan at Derby to be closer to his mummy. “Derby is close to Birmingham and I’ve got my friends and family close by, so that’s good,” he said while sucking his thumb. ACCORDING to The Sun, Cesc Fabregas’ worst nightmare has come true. No Barcelona haven’t given up their interest in signing him, instead he’s joined Theo Walcott on the sidelines for this weekend’s Carling Cup f nal. “It is a very small injury but certainly Cesc will be out for Sunday. For how long beyond that I don’t know,” Arsene Wenger scaremongered.

AFTER going from the Premier League’s best keeper to expensive benchwarmer, Shay Given’s run of bad luck got even worse this week when he was sidelined for up to three months with a shoulder injury. “It’s a disappointment for us and him. We’ve lost a good goalkeeper,” said Roberto Mancini after being reminded who Shay was.

THE man who was supposed to spearhead Liverpool’s push for a top four spot this season says there’s still time for him to win over the club’s fans. “It’s not gone how I would have liked but that’s life,” sulked Joe Cole. “I’ve had plenty of good times in my career along with my share of diff cult ones - but I’ll always come through.”

THE transfer window’s “other” over-priced Premier League striker says the money spent on Fernando Torres and Andy Carroll has made people forget about him. BBM almost choked on our own sarcasm when Darren Bent moved from Sunderland to Aston Villa for £18million, but he barely warrants a mention outside the

A LATE goal by former Celtic man Aiden McGeady for Spartak Moscow has unwittingly fattened Scotland’s Champions League cash cow. Moscow’s win over Basle means Scotland are likely to stay ahead of Switzerland in the co-effecient rankings - meaning they keep two Champions League places.

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SPORT GUIDE Contents PAGE 80 Football News: Pop quiz hotshot

80 78

PAGE 78 Football Feature: League Cup memories PAGE 76 Football View: With Lorna Evio PAGE 74 World Sport: Six Nations crunch match PAGES 72 & 73 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables

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