Business & Professional

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How to Stay Antifragile when Chasing Big Goals

Iva Perez, Licensed RTTÒ Practitioner- Hypnotherapy

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill.

Beyond the word ‘ resilience’ lies a world of antifragility.

Not a lot of us are familiar with the term ‘ antifragility ’ , because resilience has been an international buzzword for years in the personal development industry.

Being resilient remains popular because it accepts the following:

1-Despite not knowing what tomorrow will bring, we need to be able to withstand it. 2-Resiliency allows us to adapt well in the face of adversity while remaining unscathed.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

As women and as mothers, our love and strength are tested beyond its limits constantly. We turn to our ‘ motherhood resilience’ to help us navigate the choppy waters of parenting and the world at large. Especially because the world continues to radically change at breakneck speed.

Resilience means recovering quickly from difficulties and coming out on the other side. And live to tell.

Unfortunately, we cannot accurately predict the future, or even properly prepare and plan for it. Even big corporations with billion-dollar war chests are mostly still guessing when they try any strategic planning. So, is it any wonder that as a one-woman show or boss of a small business, we feel daunted by trying to put a plan in place to achieve our big goals?

Strategic plans may be an excellent way to cope with the fear of the unknown, but fear and discomfort ARE an essential part of business and life. As entrepreneurs, we should not eliminate risk but rather increase the odds of success. ‘Motherhood resilience’ will not be enough and requires an upleveling to a ‘mom boss antifragility’ to navigate the current global and achieve your goals.

What in the world is Antifragility?

The concept of Antifragility can apply to anything — whether we’re raising our consciousness, raising our children, or growing our business-- because it abides by one hard and fast rule: everything and anything is susceptible to stress, change, and volatility.

Antifragility is one step further than resilience or robustness. Being antifragile entails growing stronger through adversity and thriving as a result of chaos and disorder. Author Nassim Nicholas Taleb introduces this concept in his book Antifragile, explaining that the opposite of fragility isn’t robustness, but antifragility.

When it comes to business, fragile things are overly optimized. Fragile businesses and people are obsessed with efficiency and optimization. As mompreneurs, we are told to be as efficient as we can with our time, energy, and our tasks. We’re constantly signing up for the latest funnel, blueprint, and system out there that uses words like: productivity, time management, optimization, and efficiency.

And they sometimes work... if everything goes to plan.

Except that everything rarely goes as planned. Randomness is the rule, not the exception.

Therefore, adopting an antifragility mindset is a powerful thing. It saves valuable energy from trying to plan, predict and execute backup plans for every possibility and option in case anything happens. Instead, it allows us to expand on guidance or attitude that thrives on chaos.

There simply are no frameworks to deal with randomness.

The biggest mindset shift you can have this year is not planning for resilience in your business if you want to achieve your big goals.

Photo by Summer Rune on Unsplash

Therefore, adopting an antifragility mindset is a powerful thing. It saves valuable energy from trying to plan, predict and execute backup plans for every possibility and option in case anything happens. Instead, it allows us to expand on guidance or attitude that thrives on chaos.

There simply are no frameworks to deal with randomness.

The biggest mindset shift you can have this year is not planning for resilience in your business if you want to achieve your big goals.

Luckily, the biggest antifragile tool at your disposal is your mind.

A robust or resilient mindset endures change and whatever comes its way, but there’s hardly growth or improvement involved. It’s the I-will-cope-until-the-kids-are-out-of-thehouse approach that I see many driven and hard-working clients adopt with very unfortunate results.

We want an antifragile mindset when growing our business and chasing our big goals because it feeds from the very stress and disorder of entrepreneurship!

Here are two ways in which you can stay antifragile:

1)Plan your own disruptions

Constant overwhelm,

‘too-much-to-do’ anxiety, a hustle culture, and an overactive mind provide the triggers that cause our brains to shut down.

In our fast-paced lives, these factors become chronic and survival ends up taking precedence over creativity, inspiration, flow, and insight. And we need these to make our dreams and goals a reality. When we’re constantly overwhelmed, we end up feeling more tired and uninspired.

That’s why building antifragility by planning our own disruptions and creating our own experiments helps us reach our goals. It might sound scary. But at least we’ ve chosen a direction that helps reduce stress and fear of the unknown. This allows us to be more creative and resourceful in how we experiment and test out new ideas and strategies to produce the metaphorical typhoon that unlocks the door to achieving our goals.

When we view experimenting as aimless tinkering or putting ourselves down because we seem to be ‘ winging it’ or guessing our way through business- we’re missing the point. That is exactly the case and it should be our only business strategy.

These experiments and iterations really are a way to keep an antifragile mindset. Approaching things from an experiment lab perspective truly impacts growth in the long run. If these small tests fail, the impact is not going to wipe you out but if they succeed and compound, the rewards can be huge.

Experimenting and testing require curiosity. As Renee Brown says,

“Curiosity is really the superpower for the second part of our lives because it keeps us learning, asking questions, and keeps us being selfaware. ” She is in good company. Thomas Edison famously said: “I have not failed, not once. I've discovered ten thousand ways that don't work.

When it comes to your business, what is currently not working? Getting curious and experimenting is the most authentic way to push past adversity from an antifragile standpoint.

Photo by Dries Augustyns on Unsplash

2)Via Negativa

When Michelangelo was asked about how he carved the masterpiece of all masterpieces, the statue of David, his answer was: “It’s simple. I just remove everything that is not David. ”

According to Taleb, Via Negativa is also known as subtractive knowledge which is a fancy way of saying it is more beneficial to first figure out what not to do. In essence, we know what is wrong with more certainty than we know anything else.

An example of this could be someone that feels unproductive due to procrastination. So, they would try to force themselves to go through the tasks at hand, invest in more efficient systems and hacks, hire a coach, set more deadlines, and the like with possibly very little change in the long run.

Why? Because in most cases, removing the negative will give better results than adding countermeasures.

All the above strategies to beat procrastination are good. But they ’re good as long as the root cause of the procrastination is also removed. In fact, modalities like RTT Hypnotherapy, for example, are perfect to tackle root causes and create antifragility through this approach.

Good habits and strategies are ineffective insofar as the root cause of the procrastination are still there. If this is not addressed, most of the countermeasures will prove inefficient.

The same goes for overwhelm and anxiety. Getting to the root cause of the overwhelm and the anxiety and shifting it, has a bigger impact on someone’s productivity and quality of life than the cumulative effect of more exercise, monthly massages, nights out with friends, and a good cry combined.

Steve Jobs was possibly referring to Via Negativa when he said:

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things. ”

When tackling big goals, what can you subtract? What will you be focusing on and saying no to?

Subtractive knowledge is simply the practice of eliminating the unnecessary and the unimportant.

Just like competitive athletes are determined to do almost anything that will give them the edge, when it comes to achieving your big goals, adopting an antifragile mindset will help you win at business.

Antifragility pushes the notion that we shouldn’t construct our lives or our business plans against randomness and misfortune. Rather, we should use anti-fragility as a means of maneuvering through disorder.

The human spirit and an antifragile mindset truly can make the impossible possible. The last example comes from the world of tennis. During this past Australian Open, Nadal was losing to Medvedev in the first two sets- and the tournament’s A.I. was giving Medvedev a 96% chance of winning.

We live in a world that has to build a blind trust in too much data, and quickly accepts studies or research that predict outcomes and behaviors with a few pieces of information and past benchmarks.

But the mental antifragility of a player like Nadal is still not measurable data.

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Nadal’s eventual win despite the odds is a great reminder that our humanness is still here- the unpredictable, unexpected miracles that come from the heart are also real and are also available to you at all times. Now it’s time to go after those big goals!

Iva Perez

www.themomergymovement.com @momergymovement

How to Find the Elusive ‘Balance ' in Your Life…

“it is so important to show your… babies what priorities are; how women - especially moms - deserve equal opportunity to pursue their passions. That they have so much to give, and while they raise the leaders of tomorrow, they can also be the leaders of today.

Brianna Hosack Parenting, Productivity & Accountability Coach

\If you are a CEO/Mompreneur who has overlapping desires and multiple worlds; a destiny to fulfill, kids who are ‘ your all’ , self-exploration, personal development, wonderful relationships to grow; and you want to integrate all these pieces of you in a way that feels amazing and powerful and comfortable and beautiful...

So that you can start knocking all your goals out of the park… You need balance.

Not perfect, delicate, no-mistakes-allowed, tightrope-walking balance, but a balance that incorporates all the pieces of your life enough that your equilibrium isn’t thrown off. Balance that includes real priorities and energy and emotions.

And to achieve that balance, you can’t just be ‘Mom’ . You can’t just be ‘[your name]’ .

Do you remember who you are?

I don’t mean your name or your job title… and I definitely don’t mean ‘ mom’!

Before other small humans became your entire world, who were you? What were your traits, and what made you unique??

Being a mom is a balancing act, for sure, no matter any of the details. Being a CEO/entrepreneur AND a mom with young kids is no joke. It’s seriously intense sometimes.

It’s so easy to lose yourself in motherhood and business, but if you allow it to happen (and to stick), you will never find true balance.

I am just about as passionate about my business as I am about my family, and I am equally as passionate about the time I spend on self-care and personal development as I am about my business. And I say this loudly and proudly to whoever will listen, because it’s too common for people to shame mothers out of their honesty.

And it seriously upsets me when I hear people speaking about these things like they ’re out of reach for moms. There should never have been a time when moms were expected to “ sacrifice it all” . It’s heartbreaking to think of all we’ ve lost in the potential of powerful women throughout the centuries.

We must shift this thinking and these patterns, and it is possible!

Does being a mother excuse me from the purpose I believe I have been called here to accomplish in my life? No. Does being a mother excuse me from being a contributing member of society? No. Does being a mother mean I don’t get to be me, or have time for things I love anymore? No!

And yet too often, mothers are expected to give all that up! And what’s worse - as moms, we have unconsciously supported that by accepting it for what it is.

I really believe in myself. I am meant to be a leader of leaders. I am one, whether I try to be or not (I can’t seem to help it)! I have a lot of things I’m going to do in my life, I have a massive purpose, and I don’t accept unproductively - it won’t get me there! But, I’ ve also learned when to slow down, and the incredible value in doing so. In fact, it is vital to productivity.

I truly believe in my business, and in its potential to impact the world; partly through ripples from the families I directly impact, and partly through some of my larger dreams (books, articles, speaking engagements, podcasts…there is almost nothing I don’t want for it!). I believe in myself and my business enough that when I don’t work on myself or it, I feel heavy, my productivity in all areas of my life lags, and I get depressed. And how does that help my family?!

It’s so important that mothers are given the opportunities they need to thrive in other areas of life, without the ‘ mom guilt’ . There is a mom guilt epidemic going on in recent years, and whatever I can do to fight against it, I will! Moms absolutely have the right and the need to do their own things sometimes too.

Obviously, your kids’ basic needs come first, but Mama, be honest with how you feel! We all need to speak up, consistently, to enact real change. We all need a break sometimes, and if you have a business baby that’s as important to you as your human babies because you have a massive purpose to fulfill, then you need more breaks!! And you won’t get them unless you ask. Or tell!

And I say that your ‘business baby ’ can be as important as your human babies… because it is so important to show your human babies what priorities are; how women - especially moms - deserve equal opportunity to pursue their passions. That they have so much to give, and while they raise the leaders of tomorrow, they can also be the leaders of today.

It's not fair to your kids for you to make them the priority over you, even though it seems logical & sometimes even seems necessary. It winds up turning into all words and no action: ie... if you say they come first, but then have no energy to put into them, you disprove your own words with your lack of action.

How on earth will we change how this works in the future if we don’t teach it to our children today? If all they see is endless self-sacrifice from their mothers, then our boys will expect their future wives to do the same, and our girls won’t know the difference and will allow the same things to happen in their own lives.

Before I was able to really start making strides in my business, or step into excellence and success in my parenting… I had to learn how to take care of myself. That’s right, I had to learn it. It’s not something that you just know unless you got lucky and were raised with that example and taught how.

As mothers especially, we get so focused on the outward needs and demands on our time that it’s easy to forget the absolute necessities of life, like sleeping or eating.. or using the washroom! Let alone meditation or journaling, hot bubble baths, spa days, or hot coffee!

Self-care isn't optional as a parent!

It's setting an example of how to treat yourself right, which every child needs to see. It's how you fill your cup so that it's overflowing with extra and you have more than you need, to give throughout your day. It's how you start out calm enough to listen to them so that they can learn how to communicate their needs better; resulting in more peace all around. It's how you keep your own identity and don't get lost in motherhood. It's how you prevent overwhelm from allowing work & chores to fill every moment of every day.

Sometimes it feels like you have the brattiest kids in the world when really it's because they have normal expectations of you, but you have nothing to pour out of your empty cup!

The benefits of an early morning, kid-free, self-care routine are endless!

Self-care gives you increased levels of patience throughout the entire day if you practice it in the morning.

This prevents so many problems as a work-at-home Mom.

As business owners, we can get so carried away with all the things on our eternal ‘to-do’ lists, that we forget that we’re human beings with families, other priorities, and often a sizeable passion for learning, reading, and growing as a person, let alone reading for fun, watching TV, screen-less time, and more.

One of my favorite quotes is Parkinson’s Law: "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

I teach it, preach it, push it, nag about it because here’s the thing. You will never be done.

Dishes and laundry and cooking and toilets and bed-making: they never go away.

Creating content, tweaking, networking, idea management, lead generation, follow-ups, emails, platform-building; in business, you can outsource eventually, but there’s always going to be something to do. And if you like to ‘do things yourself to get them right’ ... first of all, stop that, and second of all, you’ll never be done.

What you CAN NOT outsource is a different matter, and worst of all, they’re the things we tend to put off until last, mistakenly:

Ourselves Our kids Our marriages/relationships Friends Learning

And when you want to be the one doing it all in your business and around the house, but then you try to reach for the required things like self-care and playing with your kids, everything just topples.

This is because self-care, playing, relationships, and personal growth are the foundations of everything else working. They are too weighty and important to get added to the top of your tower of to-dos. You must put them first. Use them to lay the groundwork for such a strong support structure that it can hold up more of the light, airy, fluffy stuff that you thoroughly enjoy. (Or that you use as excuses not to get the hard work done.)

Because self-care and playing are hard work when you’re feeling the pull of that to-do list.

Because relationships are hard, no matter what, and require time and effort, even if you have nothing else going on.

Because self-improvement, learning, personal development; whatever you want to call it… is hard. Facing who you truly are and what you want to change about yourself isn’t ever gonna be easy, sister. But without it, you don’t grow, your impact doesn’t widen and get stronger, your children don’t get the maximum benefit from you that they could, your partner doesn’t get the best of you, and you will always know there is more to you than this.

It’s time to stop reaching, Mama.

It’s time to re-prioritize.

Build your foundations first, every day. The rest can wait for a little bit until you’re done.

I don’t mean that you need to ‘finish’ your personal development journey in a day (impossible anyway), have a perfect relationship with your partner (again, not possible), play with your kids every moment they’re awake (actually not healthy for them), or spend all your spare time on self-care, before you’re allowed to go to work, sit down to write, wash the dishes, or scrub a toilet.

Of course not!

But any other way than self-care first, means you don’t put the quality of effort into your selfcare, which means it’s not fully able to then support the calm, present quality time with your kids that’s ideal.

And if you haven t’ spent calm, present, quality time with your kids, you’ll feel guilty spending it with your partner, and probably sabotage it in some way or another. And if you ve sabotaged that, you’ ’re likely to be at the point of complaining incessantly to your friends, which will make you less fun to be around… And then you won’t feel supported by your grumpy spouse and annoyed friends, ‘disobedient’ children, or your own guilty conscience. And nothing else will run as smoothly. Nothing else will flow with as much ease as it could. Your creativity will be below, and your enjoyment of your ‘passion projects’ will be much less than it could be.

It will all crumble and fall, eventually.

You must make the time for the other things first; a little bit every day.

You won’t have a perfect foundation built the first day, the fortieth day, or the hundredth - maybe not even ever. And you won’t undo everything that you’ve done to build up that foundation simply by missing a day, either. But each time that you work on these foundational pieces, they get stronger, more unshakeable, more dependable, and more supportive of everything you desire.

So that when you’re ready to stretch and do something a little scary in your business, you have the foundation to hold you up.

So that you can reach for the stars, and not fall down.

Brianna Hosack

www.thecalminspiredmama.com @TheCalm-InspiredMama