Black & Pink News: Volume 13, Issue 4 - December 2022

black and pink news

Trans inmates need access to gender-affirming care. Often they have to sue to get it.

By Jaclyn Diaz, courtesy of NPR, published Oct. 25, 2022

Note: This story contains graphic details of incidents of self-harm.

Ashley Diamond thought her battle against the state of Georgia was over — until she was arrested again.

She had fought Georgia’s prison system in a lawsuit over her treatment in prison and lack of access to medical care, which resulted in a major legal settlement in 2016. That case highlighted the conditions she faced as an incarcerated transgender woman who was denied hormone treatments she had been taking for 17 years for her gender dysphoria.

But when she was arrested again in Georgia in 2019, she faced the same problems.

“Imagine being a trans woman and a Black trans woman on top of that, and you’re trying to assert these rights that you were promised and guaranteed in your first case,” she said. When she brought up complaints with prison officials, she said it was like talking to a wall.

Diamond’s difficulty accessing medical care in prison is not unusual.

Health experts and attorneys for civil rights groups, as well as incarcerated and formerly incarcerated individuals, told NPR that getting reliable gender-

affirming care in prison seems to often come only after threats of lawsuits or an all-out legal fight. Prisons that do provide genderaffirming care can often still be inconsistent, regardless of policies on the books.

“Prisons oftentimes refuse to treat transgender people consistent with their gender. And they also refuse to provide medically necessary health care,” Taylor Brown, a staff attorney at the American Civil Liberties Union, told NPR. Gender-affirming care can include “puberty suppression, hormone therapy, and genderaffirming surgeries among others,” according to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health.

Access to this care is considered medically necessary to treat gender dysphoria. Without it, individuals can struggle severely with mental health issues such as heightened anxiety and depression, with some turning to self-harm and suicide.

Civil rights groups, such as Lambda Legal and the ACLU, have been involved in lawsuits in recent years on behalf of transgender inmates struggling to access gender-affirming medical care.

A woman known by the pseudonym Sonia Doe, who was imprisoned in New Jersey, and Reiyn Keohane, who is still incarcerated in a men’s prison

in Florida, have successfully sued. Those lawsuits were filed in 2019 and 2016, respectively, against their state departments of corrections over access to genderaffirming care.

Adree Edmo, a transgender woman in Idaho, won the ability to get gender-confirmation surgery after a yearslong battle against the state. In 2020, she underwent her surgery, according to the National Center for Lesbian Rights. It’s a rare occurrence for trans inmates, despite this surgery being a proven medical treatment for gender dysphoria.

Diamond’s first case against Georgia is settled

Diamond filed her first lawsuit in 2015, three years into a sentence related to charges of burglary and theft. At the time, she said she was denied hormone treatments that she had been consistently taking for almost two decades to alleviate her gender dysphoria.

Diamond was paroled later that year and reached her major legal settlement with the Georgia Department of Corrections in 2016, with the help of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

In addition to an undisclosed monetary payout from the state, she also received assurances that Georgia prisons would make changes to policies on trans inmates. That included staff

In This Issue

p5 to 10 - Trans inmates need access to gender-affirming care. Often they have to sue to get it.

p12 to 15 - People Say They Languish in Texas Prisons’ ‘Mental Health’ Unit

p16 to 21 - Tasks of Mourning by BEAM Collective

p23 - 39 - Letters From Our Inside Family

Cover Image by Alitta R. (WA)

Disclaimer

The ideas and opinions expressed in Black & Pink News are solely those of the authors and artists and do not necessarily reflect the views of Black & Pink. Black & Pink makes no representations as to the accuracy of any statements made in Black & Pink News, including but not limited to legal and medical information. Authors and artists bear sole responsibility for their work. Everything published in Black & Pink News is also on the Internet—it can be seen by anyone with a computer. By sending art or written work to “Newspaper Submissions,” you are agreeing to have it published in Black & Pink News and on the Internet. In order to respect our members’ privacy, we publish only first names and state locations. We may edit submissions to fit our antioppression values and/or based on our own editing guidelines.

Statement of Purpose

Black & Pink is an open family of LGBTQ prisoners and “free world” allies who support each other. Our work toward the abolition of the prison-industrial complex (PIC) is rooted in the experiences of currently and formerly incarcerated people. We are outraged by the specific violence of the PIC towards LGBTQ people, and we respond through advocacy, education, direct service, and organizing. Black & Pink is proudly a family of people of all races and ethnicities.

About Black & Pink News

Since 2007, Black & Pink free world volunteers have pulled together a monthly newspaper, composed primarily of material written by our family’s incarcerated members. In response to letters we receive, we send the newspaper to more prisoners every month! Black & Pink News currently reaches more than 20,000 people!

training on the treatment of trans inmates, adopting a new sexual assault prevention policy and improved access to hormone treatments, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center.

But in 2019, Diamond violated the terms of her parole by traveling out of state. She said she traveled

to Florida to receive treatment for PTSD and other issues at a transfriendly center. Then, she was rearrested.

She reentered the custody of the Georgia Department of Corrections in October of that year, department records show. Despite her landmark legal case

against Georgia prison officials, she faced the same problems that she had thought were resolved when she arrived at Savannah’s Coastal State Prison after her parole violation.

“They made it very difficult,” she told NPR.

She got back in touch with her attorneys at the Southern Poverty Law Center. In November 2020, the organization and its partners at the Center for Constitutional Rights announced that they had filed another lawsuit against Georgia prison officials, saying Diamond’s gender-affirming health care needs were routinely ignored.

The U.S. Justice Department even weighed in on this case.

In a statement of interest, the Justice Department said: “Prison officials also have an Eighth Amendment obligation to provide all prisoners with adequate medical care for serious medical conditions. ... This duty includes the treatment of gender dysphoria.”

Not getting care can be ‘catastrophic’

Diamond’s lawsuit states that she was not given hormone treatment medication for weeks at a time. Additionally, the officials’ “refusal to provide Ms. Diamond anything beyond sub-therapeutic hormone therapy is so wholly inadequate that it is tantamount to no treatment at all,” according to the lawsuit.

She was also informed at intake that she would not be getting women’s clothing.

Ezra (TX)

“I was told that from the very beginning — ‘That’s never gonna happen,’” she said.

These are critical components of medical care for people who experience gender dysphoria, Randi Ettner, a psychologist who specializes in treating transgender individuals, told NPR. Ettner works with the World Professional Association for Transgender Health to help establish the organization’s standards of care, which are used by institutions around the globe.

(Ettner was also retained by Diamond’s attorneys for her 2020 lawsuit. Ettner provided an analysis of Diamond’s treatment for gender dysphoria while in the care of the Georgia Department of Corrections.)

As a result of the GDC’s health care denials and the frustration she felt at not being heard, Diamond said that she experienced severe physical and mental anguish. She said it was “catastrophic” to go without hormone treatment on a regular basis.

Getting medication sporadically “plays on your mind and your mental health,” she explained. “You’re also dealing with the ramification of withdrawals: You’re sick and you’re vomiting, and you’re not seeing the changes that you should be seeing.”

She told NPR that the depth of loneliness and self-loathing “is just a reality when you get fed up and when you’re hurting, and when you’re sick and when no one is listening.”

*content warning - description of extreme self harm*

Diamond repeatedly tried to castrate herself while incarcerated. Her attorneys said in a court document that this was “a desperate form of self-treatment that has led to severe medical complications such as difficulty urinating.”

Diamond said these attempts occurred during an incredibly low time for her, after a year back in custody. She explained to NPR where her mind was during one of those attempts: She said she thought at the time that this piece of her body “is why people hate me. Then why don’t I just cut this off? Then what?”

Extreme measures like this are not uncommon when trans women don’t receive sufficient genderaffirming health care, according to Ettner.

“I have seen far too many individuals engage in autocastration, auto-penectomy, as attempts to ‘surgically selftreat,’” Ettner said. She described it as a “desperate and often deadly attempt to remove the testosterone that kindles the dysphoria.”

*description of extreme self harm complete*

In response to NPR’s request for comment on Diamond’s 2020 lawsuit, a representative for the GDC declined to speak specifically about her allegations.

“The lawsuit between Ms. Diamond and the GDC remains pending, and so we cannot offer specific comments on the

statements she made to you. However, the GDC believes that the Court was satisfied that the evidence produced so far demonstrated that her medical and mental health needs were met during her incarceration,” said Jennifer Ammons, the general counsel for the Georgia Department of Corrections, in a statement.

Prison policies on the books can be lacking

A major survey highlights the problems that trans inmates like Diamond have in accessing medical care.

In the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, 58% of respondents who were incarcerated in the prior year had been taking hormones before being imprisoned. Of those, 82% had a prescription for hormones. More than one-third (37%) of respondents who had been taking hormones before their incarceration said they were banned from continuing to take their hormones once in custody.

The reported experience of transgender inmates shows that hormones are less available than state corrections departments suggest in their policies. Most state corrections departments explicitly say access to hormone therapy will be provided to transgender inmates, if proved medically necessary. But some legal cases indicate that facilities act differently in practice, like in Diamond’s situation.

Prison policies on trans health care are inadequate, according to Ettner.

“Some states still have ‘freeze frame’ policies — requiring

proof of care prior to entering prison and maintaining that dose throughout an individual’s incarceration, even if it was a low, introductory dose,” she said.

Most states require inmates requesting hormone therapy to show health records to continue hormone access behind bars, or they require approval from a doctor, a committee specially designated to handle issues affecting trans inmates and sometimes a warden.

Showing prior medical records sometimes “proves an insurmountable blockade” because there are trans prisoners entering correctional institutions who don’t have a prior prescription for hormones from a physician, Ettner said. Individuals who earned their living from sex work, drug sales or other underground work were more likely to turn to unlicensed sources for hormones, according to the U.S. Transgender Survey.

The legal fight continues

The ACLU won a major victory this year against the Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP).

The BOP settled a case, initially filed in 2020, by a federal inmate named Cristina Nichole Iglesias. She won the ability to be evaluated for gender-affirming surgery. When she was approved by the BOP, she became one of the first incarcerated individuals in federal custody to be granted this medical procedure.

Brown, the ACLU staff attorney, was part of this federal case. It mirrors the same trends happening at the state level, she said.

When individual cases are brought to court, judges often side with the prisoner’s right to access gender-affirming care, Brown said.

“We have seen a number of courts come down against prisons across the country and ordered them to stop violating transgender prisoners’ constitutional rights and provide them with the health care that they need,” Brown said. “So while we’re winning these victories in court for individual plaintiffs, that doesn’t change the reality for many transgender people who are incarcerated.”

Many trans inmates are facing a continuing legal battle to access gender-confirmation surgery. Some states don’t have an explicit policy regarding granting inmates access to this surgery, according to medical care policies collected by the Transgender Law Center and reviewed by NPR.

In cases specifically related to gender-confirmation surgery, courts have varied widely on whether a prison’s refusal to provide this type of care violates an inmate’s constitutional rights. For example, a study reviewing decisions by U.S. Circuit Courts of Appeals in cases filed by incarcerated trans women found that courts differed about whether there is a medical necessity for gender-confirmation surgery.

Diamond was released this summer but said she is still working to bring her story to light.

She’s writing a memoir and music to help make that happen.

“Every day I worry about the people that have been left behind.

I worry about the trans women still there,” she said. “Some cases will never get the attention that this case got, and so I’ve got to use it to empower the community and to educate people.”

People Say They Languish in Texas Prisons’ ‘Mental Health’ Unit

By Daniel Moritz-Rabson, The Appeal, published

In the nine months after Edee Davis arrived at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice’s William P. Clements Unit near Amarillo, Texas for mental health treatment, she says she only attended three peer-group sessions facilitated by a counselor.

But, in grievance forms obtained by The Appeal, Davis says mental health staff lied and said she’d attended more.

Davis was supposed to be receiving acute mental health care under a voluntary TDCJ program called the “Program for the Aggressive Mentally Ill Offender” or PAMIO. The program is part of the TDCJ’s broader system of managed care, through which the prison agency partners with Texas universities to provide detainees with health care.

In a grievance form filed in March 2022, and reviewed by The Appeal, Davis accused a counselor of falsifying her participation in counseling sessions.

“My mental health files in medical (I recently reviewed) are full of false reports on me and my attendance in groups I have never been to,” Davis wrote in an April letter to The Appeal. “There is no mental health treatment here.”

“The PAMIO program has received national recognition for the innovative approaches to these challenging patients,” a December 2019 Fact Book from the Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center says, in a section touting the university’s care for incarcerated people. A TDCJ policy document outlining the scope of the program says the purpose of the program is to “provide a structured cognitivebehavioral program for aggressive mentally ill inmates in Restrictive Housing (Administrative Segregation) and G5 custody in order to achieve a less restrictive housing assignment.”

The document describes PAMIO as a program offered to prisoners with “history of aggressive and/ or disruptive behavior.” The program is designed to provide an environment for mental health care, including group therapy, to some of the offenders that TDCJ has deemed most “aggressive.” After completing the program, those detained in PAMIO are supposed to be evaluated for a less restrictive housing assignment.

But according to letters sent by prisoners over four months, the conditions seemed to be the exact opposite of the helpful, rehabilitative area TDCJ claims

August 22, 2022

to provide. Prisoners, their family members, and former staff members described the PAMIO program as a shadowy purgatory, where those detained sit in their cells for days and weeks on end without treatment, showers, or recreation time.

A TDCJ spokesperson wrote in an email that in April 2022, the program time was cut from 18 months to one year. But actual completion of PAMIO can take much longer than the previously scheduled 1.5 years if those incarcerated suffer setbacks to their treatment. Phone access is scant, leaving the incarcerated even more cut off from possible connections to the outside world. Even once they opt out of the program, they may sit in their solitary cells for months, awaiting transfer to other facilities.

“You have to take a bath in the sink with a rag and a cup. And they bring your meals to the cell and they open this little slot in the door,” Davis told The Appeal. “I’m in my 60s, they were destroying me. Since I’ve been out my health is starting to improve,” she added.

Tens of thousands of people are held in solitary confinement each day in U.S. prisons, and on any particular day, between 55,000 and 62,500 people have

“They were destroying me,” said one person placed in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice’s “Program for the Aggressive Mentally Ill Offender.”

spent more than two weeks in isolation, according to a 2020 report. Research has found that people placed in solitary confinement suffer myriad health consequences and, according to one study, are even 24 percent more likely to die in their first year after release from prison. A disproportionate number of people who spend time in solitary have a serious mental illness.

The PAMIO program, which a TDCJ spokesperson said currently has 33 medical staff and a capacity to treat 246 people, is just one of many of the programs across the country that gets tax dollars to assist those with mental illness yet, according to those enrolled, it exacerbates their conditions. Across the country, these programs often resemble unregulated limbos, shielded from oversight, where incarcerated people with mental illness suffer continued abuse.

Of the 10 lawmakers contacted by The Appeal for this story, none agreed to an interview. The chief of staff of one member of the House Corrections Committee did not even know what the PAMIO program was.

Craig Haney, a psychology professor at the University of California Santa Cruz, told The Appeal that programs like PAMIO, which isolate prisoners, are more likely to aggravate mental illness. When the program was described to him, he noted that “prisons, in general, are perhaps the worst place on earth to try to provide effective mental health care.”

“Nobody’s innately violent,” he added. “People are violent for reasons and they’re not uniformly or constantly violent. They react

to certain kinds of settings and situations and provocations. And when they’re mentally ill, oftentimes those reactions are directly tied to their mental illness, that makes them more challenging, but it doesn’t mean you lock them up in a cell and leave them there.”

During the more than 1.5 years that Taylor Goldston worked in the PAMIO program, she tried to ameliorate the monotony that the incarcerated people experienced. Goldston, a former mental health clinician medical worker who worked in the PAMIO program from August 2019 to May 2021, told The Appeal that she would bring incarcerated people pencils, and books even though her supervisor said doing so was prohibited.

Goldston and another former medical provider, who asked to remain anonymous due to fear of retaliation, confirmed that prisoners can go weeks without showers or recreation time.

Goldston told The Appeal that any behavioral slip-up could impact a prisoners’ progression through the program and that some corrections officers looked for reasons to demote incarcerated people.

Kenzie Haywood volunteered to enter the program, rather than be housed in “administrative segregation” in another unit. Haywood wrote to The Appeal that psychology departments in other TDCJ facilities advertise PAMIO as a more permissive environment in which to receive treatment than that offered in other facilities.

“The reason why PAMIO attracts

offenders to it is due to the activities that are ‘supposed’ to take place once you are accepted,” Haywood wrote. He thought he would be receiving regular individual and group counseling sessions, arts and crafts, and group recreation.

When he arrived, he found a vastly different situation.

“Some of the cells that offenders are assigned to are plastered with feces, blood, urine, semen, food and all types of other unidentifiable gunk,” Haywood wrote in a letter to The Appeal.

Some in the program alleged that even their basic medical needs were not being met.

“I have rashes and sores all over my body from not being able to shower/bathe properly,” Edee Davis wrote, adding that she lost 35 pounds between June 2021, when she entered the program, and March 2022. Davis, who identifies as transgender, said she received no access to LGBTQ mental-health treatment.

Attempts to file grievances are often unsuccessful according to Davis and Marco Lee, an imprisoned person who is enrolled in a different mental health program held in the Clements Unit.

“Numerous inmates have exhausted their administrative review and directly contacted outside agencies,” Lee wrote in a June letter to The Appeal.

“In addition to the grievance process, inmates are able to submit inquiries to the Office of the Independent Ombudsman,” a TDCJ spokesperson wrote in an

email.

When the pandemic hit, group counseling sessions were replaced by time in individual cells and worksheets. Healthcare providers then had to visit each prisoner’s cell and walk each person through the lesson, a time-consuming process that added further strain to the medical staff.

“It’s not very efficient,” the former medical provider who requested anonymity for fear of retaliation said.

That medical worker and another who worked in Clements, but not in PAMIO, and also requested anonymity, said when they requested more resources, they received directives to increase productivity.

A spokesperson for Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center wrote in an email to The Appeal that PAMIO did not have a required staff-to-program participant ratio.

TDCJ has long faced staffing shortages that have plagued operations; as far back as 2005, the staff turnover rate was above 20 percent. Corrections officers had a turnover rate of 40.3 percent – representing a nearly 7 percent increase from 2020 to 2021, according to a study released in March by the state auditor’s office.

Even before the pandemic hit, staff shortages impeded the medical workers’ ability to provide

the level of services advertised by the program. The pandemic further exacerbated such issues, TDCJ has previously said to other media outlets.

A study released in February from the University of Texas at Austin’s Prison and Jail Innovation Lab found that as of January 2022, Texas prison staff had the highest rate of deaths from COVID among prison systems in the U.S., and Texas prison staff had the 2nd highest number of COVID infections in the country.

In September, TDCJ increased the pay of corrections officers at maximum security units, including Clements, by 3 percent. Hoping to

reduce CO vacancies, the agency raised the salaries for them as well as food service workers and laundry managers at all TDCJ facilities by 15 percent in April. Under the updated pay scale, the newest COs will earn an annual salary of $41,674.

TDCJ declined records requests The Appeal filed related to staffing numbers in the PAMIO program. The agency claimed the information was confidential due to a state statute barring disclosure of information “collected, assembled, or maintained by or for a governmental entity for the purpose of preventing, detecting, or investigating an act of terrorism or related criminal activity.”

Alycia Welch, the Associate Director of the Prison and Jail Innovation Lab at the University of Texas at Austin, told The Appeal that the conditions of the job, combined with a stressful environment, make staff retention difficult.

“Working at a fast food chain, for instance, may pay very similarly to a frontline corrections officer position,” Welch said. But prisons are crowded and hard places to work and staff are working with people who are “potentially not receiving the services and resources that they need. And so, you know, conditions where people are getting aggressive, and you’re having to sort of argue with people. I mean, that’s tough

Lane Lloyd, courtesy of JustSeeds

conditions to be working in.”

The former PAMIO worker said that the approaches of both TDCJ and medical supervisors exacerbated the difficult work environment.

“The problem here is very complicated,” the medical worker wrote in a text. “Between the triangle of the inmates, TDCJ, and Tech, there isn’t solely one to blame. All three contribute to varying degrees. The reality is the population comes with significant challenges to work with, which seems to be a factor in staffing issues.”

“[Assaults on] staff members and other inmates still happen,” the worker continued. “Not to mention the sexual harassment/ violating acts toward other staff members. Some do not take any accountability for their actions, which is a main reason why they are incarcerated.” - - -

But the complaints vocalized by the prisoners and their families cannot be explained by being short-staffed alone.

Haywood alleged that corrections officers would concoct “bogus” offender reports if they heard a prisoner complaining. Davis alleged that those who wrote to The Appeal were punished.

Goldston said that after a prisoner attempted suicide during her time at the program, a superior quipped to the man that maybe he would “get it right next time.” (A spokesperson for Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center wrote in an email that “we are unaware of any such occurrence.”)

The other medical provider who spoke to The Appeal for this article confirmed hearing about the incident but didn’t feel that remark is emblematic of the program’s current culture.

A TDCJ spokesperson wrote in an email to The Appeal that PAMIO is volunteer based and participants can opt out. But those who finish the program or attempt to opt out may face lengthy waits before receiving a transfer. A spokesperson for Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center wrote in an email that “if an inmate desires to be released from the program, TDCJ is notified. TDCJ is then responsible to transfer the inmate to another facility.”

In September 2021, Savannah Eldrige emailed Carrie Culpepper, the Chief Nursing and Quality Officer for TTUHSC. Eldrige, who is a nurse and member of the Texas Center for Justice and Equity’s Statewide Leadership Council, asked why her stepson, Ernest, was still being held in the housing unit designated for PAMIO while not receiving care.

“[He’s] saying that the conditions and environment in building 12 are making it hard for him to cope due to the consistent disruptive behavior, mistreatment and tossing of feces by some of the more severe patients,” Eldrige wrote in the email, which was viewed by The Appeal. In May, Eldrige sent another email, stating that she had not yet received a response to her inquiry.

Eldrige, an advocate who communicates with a number of incarcerated people, said that TDCJ regularly stymies her attempts to learn more about

the incarceration programs, and she’s often forced to file records requests.

“I just feel like there should be more transparency and working with family members who are trying to help their loved ones who I always say are the first responders in this fight,” she said. “Because many people come out to the family, we need to know how to help them. And we can’t if we don’t know what’s going on,” Eldrige told The Appeal.

Around the time Eldrige sent her follow-up email, guards also abruptly told Ernest he would be transferred. Eldrige said the men were prevented from bringing personal items, such as legal documents and hygiene items, to their new units.

This lack of transparency links to a broader oversight problem related to how the program is managed, Welch said.

“We don’t have any correction oversight here in Texas, and so there’s no external body who’s looking at these types of programs,” Welch said, naming PAMIO. “There’s no external body asking, ‘What are they doing,’ ‘What data is coming out from them,’ ‘What are the outcomes that we’re seeing,’ which really keeps the public in the dark about what’s going on inside of these facilities.”

The Appeal is a non-profit media organization that produces news and commentary on how policy, politics, and the legal system affect America’s most vulnerable people.

by Meredith Stern, courtesy of JustSeeds

Letters from our Inside Family

Dear B&P Family,

I’m Brianna S. I’m 24 years old, serving a 162 month sentence at a federal facility. I’ve been locked up for three and a half years now. Fortunately, I can say I’ve been spared much of the horror many of you have seen in the US DOJ. I’ve been lucky enough to start HRT a little over a year ago and I am looking forward to a hopeful transfer to a FMC to await SRS. My GF, Jessica, got approved for SRS after she completes one year of experience. I believe they will say the same for me. It is hard to be separated from her for any period of time but we stay in touch.

Being locked up has been a shock to me. I’ve been in residential treatment for years prior to my arrest but prison is so much different. And if you bring in several severe mental health conditions, it’s not a good thing. Thankfully, I’m at a facility that is somewhat helpful, although peer-to-peer victimization is high. I find prayer the most helpful. One day, I will be in a better place. Stay strong my friends, especially you Jessica Rae.

-Brianna S. (NC)

masks like they are supposed to. First of all, where are all my brothers and sisters from Kansas at? I’ve been getting Black & Pink for over two years and I read all the letters and I’ve never seen any from my brothers and sisters in Kansas. Are they afraid to write, did they die? What’s wrong?

Now my next question is this: A while back, a guy moved into my living unit, we both know each other and he asked me to get with him but not to tell anyone. Which I did. Now the question is, should I stay with him? He has a habit of borrowing food from others or canteen items and then he ends up saying he can’t pay them back or he needs help paying them back and expects me to bail him out, which I have done before. Should I keep doing it? We both make the same amount each pay period. We have had a young gay guy move into the unit a while back, the guy I’m with and this youngster know each other. This youngster is flat out spoiled. Any time the guy I’m with needs anything (except sex), he goes to this youngster. The youngster don’t realize the older guy is taking advantage of him. The guy I’m with has tried to take advantage of me but it don’t work.

same thing and it’s wrong. The youngster gives the guy stuff, he feeds him, but I’m not supposed to get mad.

So what should I do?

Come on Kansas brothers and sisters, let me know something please.

Later, Dana (KS) Dear B&P,

Hello to my Black and Pink Family,

Hope everyone survived the pandemic and are wearing their

The youngster will be in bed all day until noon or after. Sometimes he is up when the guy I’m with comes from work, sometimes he’s not. Whatever this youngster does is okay with my other half but let me do the

Its been a while since I wrote. This facility has banned your magazine (again) but I still get them second-hand. It’s been a helluva time for me. After all of the tears and anger, I have found some peace with my body and identity. I was never able to actually transition from M to F in any substantial way but I still see the woman in me and that’s enough. I defy anyone to tell me I’m too big and hairy to be a woman, or that I can’t shave my head or workout hard when I want to work out or that Robert isn’t a womanly name. Forget taking it to the courts, I know a woman named Robert and it’s ME. With this in mind, I have let go of the stressful burden of trying to change myself to be Oklahoma’s definition of a female. I have read of this state of peace but I had never known it before now and I didn’t understand. I hope all of my LGBTQIA2S+ family finds this peace but I also hope you don’t have to

fight this battle uphill that it’s impossible to transition like it is for me. We deserve the right to look the gender we identify as. Nonetheless, I am in high spirits and I just wanted to let y’all know I am a-okay now.

Much love, Robert (OK)

6/6/2002 and will be released on 8/31/2023 and in this time I have experienced a lot, seen a lot and been through a lot. The one thing that stands out to me is the TOTAL LACK OF UNITY, and I’m not talking about as a population as a whole but in our OWN FUCKING COMMUNITY!

themselves or anyone around them. If they don’t like you for you, then they don’t need nothing to do with you! Now with that off my chest, I have no pronouns, I am PHIL! I am in touch with all aspects, I am not HE, SHE, HER, HIM, SIR, M’AAM ... I AM PHIL!

Dear Black and Pink Family,

Pink my favorite color by the way. Shout out for all the hard work and keeping this news magazine together all these years. I’m a 33 year old male from Brooklyn, NY. I’m currently in the 3rd Dept. Appellate Div., appealing my conviction. I went to trial during the pandemic and Black Lives Matter movement and did not have a fair trial. I wish all my brothers and sisters with luck who face hard times. Be strong, have faith!

Thanks to all the trans women who pave the way for t-girls who can’t stand up and use they voice such as Michelle Wright, Chelsea Manning, Jessica Marie (CA). If you’re reading, I didn’t forget about you and Jessica Hicklin. You ladies were awesome!

Till next time, with love always, Nyce (NY)

Hey family!

This is Phil in Florida (emphasis on DUH!) and it is my first time writing. I am 45 years old and 101 percent GAY and proud of it. I was locked up

Here in FLDOC, we all need to stand together ... it does not matter if you are a man who loves men, trans fem, strictly straight man, whatever ... We are all LGBTQ+ and we need to stand together, no finger pointing, united as ONE! Until we do, WE WILL HAVE NO RIGHTS IN THIS FLDOC! Gang members, staff, religious sects will all continue to prey, persecute and oppress. This “I came by myself and I’m gonna leave by myself” mentality has got to GO!

If everyone was honest about who they are ... out of 2000 prisoners here, it wouldn’t be a community of 50, it would be 300+. Stop worrying about your friends, homeboys, partners or anyone else ... be true to yourself ... BLOW THE DOORS OFF!!! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE! Yes, I’m talking to you ... the one reading this magazine that got from the “punk, fag, queer” of the wing that you’re secretly sucking, fucking or freaking with.

A true real person will respect you for being real and honest about who you are. Those who aren’t real, have something to hide ... like they are too scared to be honest with who or what they are and are full of a lack of respect for themselves and they sure don’t have love for

Also, race, skin, color, all that is only skin deep. We are one! One and the same, cut from the same mold ... the TRUE GOD lives within us! STOP using that to divide, separate or hate. We are all one and the same. Unique and beautiful on the inside! Those who judge skin deep are meek!

I may be the “crazy white boy with crooked legs” but I will stand with everyone in my community as one.

In closing, too many shout outs ... but one as of late is Daniel in GA ... you’re not alone, wish I knew you better, everything you wrote strikes me.

Blessed be.

Phil S. (FL)

*content warning: rape, sexual assault*

Dear B&P,

Hey my brothers and sisters, it’s Olivia again. I’m writing out of stress and boredom. I have some very bad news. On Aug. 22, 2021, I was drugged and raped against my will. I am currently in a mental health facility due to the trauma I experienced.

I don’t know what to do. I feel ashamed and guilty for saying

Letters from our Inside Family

anything. I don’t know if I should’ve just kept my mouth shut about what happened to me that day. The doctors have diagnosed me with a type of PTSD called “Rape Trauma Syndrome” or RTS. I am having extreme nightmares and flashbacks and it’s hard for me to eat or sleep. I came in weighing 145 or so. Now I’m like 130 and still not gaining. They put me on medication for the RTS but it will only help for so long. I could really use some help and support from you, my brothers and sisters. I really don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

In pain, your T-girl and family member, Olivia (TX)

life, being trans gave me a purpose. I am grateful that I am enough.

Thank you for all who have paved the way.

Melanie (IA)

Hi Black and Pink!

I pray this makes it in the Black and Pink Newspaper. I send my love to all my trans sisters. My name is Melanie. This is my first time writing to the family. I am a trans woman, currently in the Iowa Department of Corrections. I accept accountability and remain positive. Somebody asked my why I was here and I said “fate.” Anything that happened yesterday is history - being stubborn cost me in the long run. I know what I do today matters and what I do tomorrow matters. We must all follow out dreams and remain strong! Although I haven’t conquered

Black and Pink Family, Never let someone interrupt the way you feel about yourself or cause you to be ashamed of who you are. You didn’t win the race to life to be subjugated to other people’s opinions, judgments or beliefs. Living for someone else is winning a losing race. Yeah, you’re here, but you don’t even exist. The person that they see isn’t the person that you are and as long as you continue to be invisible, no one will ever know you. When you do come out as Leona, people are only going to know Leo and Leo will be known as an imposter. Someone who allowed them to invest in a friendship that didn’t exist, with a person they didn’t know. It’s not always “phobia” that pushes people away, it’s the fact that you didn’t give them the opportunity to know you in the beginning. Its the feeling of betrayal and some people don’t get over it, especially if y’all were “two peas in a pod,” to them y’all just pleaded guilty to espionage. All of y’all experiences to them seems as if you were infiltrating for the purpose of stealing them nuclear codes. As an LGBTQ+

we tend to play the victim card and believe that because someone doesn’t accept us, that they’re discriminating or being phobic. We’re so blinded by acceptance that we lose sight of the main ingredient and that’s respect. You don’t have to accept me, just respect me and our problems are solved. It’s intrusive to force acceptance on other people. And selfish to label someone discriminatory or phobic because they won’t go against their ideologies and philosophical beliefs to appease you. We have to emphasize and care for other people’s feelings and respect their decision. Once you come out, everyone you ever knew is a “wild card.” Expect it to be played when you disclose because no one likes to lose, Being alive means you won and the award for winning is existing in the world as YOU. Why be judged for something or someone you’re not? Why live a life afraid, ashamed, and neglected? Being you is enjoying the wonders of life and experiencing people, places and things that make you extraordinary. When I see the rainbow, to me it symbolizes the hardships, challenges and beauty of being us. It’s the great representation of our experiences, lives and commitment to being unique. Be you, love you, and live life ... beautiful human.

#LetsBeUs

-Leona B. (AR)

Letters from our Inside Family

Dear Black and Pink, I’m Abby and I was hoping to vent with others who can understand my situation. Long story short, my issues can primarily be traced back to being trans since I was a child but not understanding myself (with no help from the system I might add). I’ve used my time here to grow into the person I want to be.

Part of my journey has been accepting and exploring my sexuality, (I was a virgin when I came to prison). It was a little rocky in the beginning but it led me to the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with. Recently he was transfered for reasons unrelated to our relationship and I’ve been unable to receive his mail. Going from seeing him everyday to being unable to hear from him is unbearable some days. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when we can be together again though. I just hope he stays safe and healthy and happy in this environment which prioritizes none of these things.

With love, Abby (PA)

about, knowing who I am, free to sparkle with this new true life and free to ride the Ferris wheel of life at my own pace. I will be frank in saying it was hard to do. Society tries to put you in a box but, like me, you can overcome. I hope my experience can be a ray of sunshine to anyone who is struggling. You are strong! Just in case you don’t think you are, just know I didn’t think I could do it. I believe in you!

-Cassie (formerly known as Casper), VA

life can be!

In love and life, James W. (TX)

*content warning: transphobia, assault and abuse*

Dear Black and Pink,

So I recently came out, but it wasn’t for others. It was more of an inner spiritual coming out, coming to terms with who I really am - a transgender woman. I now feel free to dash

To my Black and Pink Family,

I just wanted to say thank you for all of your support and encouraging words! Getting through my last four years has been a trial, some a lot less than others. As I get ready to go home, know this. I will pick up the fight for our community! We can never have enough voices. So many of you have given me strength, hope and courage. Your stories and lives gave me focus and drive! You ARE LOVED! You ARE HEARD! Never give up! Every one of us deserve love.

I want to say thank you to the staff and volunteers for making this possible for us. Thank you to/for the PenPal program, it helps so much! Now is the time, this is not the end ... This is a new place to begin ... Open your eyes, listen and see, just how blessed your

This is the second issue that I have done for y’all. My name is Ahnay. I am a trans female at my target goal on hormones. At this moment, I’m paying a political debt to the state of Indiana. I have been incarcerated for seven years and have about four to go.

This year has been the worst year ever. Staff and inmates seem to be a lot more hateful and vindictive to me and my sisters. I have been assaulted, robbed, even bullied for sex. :( It’s a sad, sad story that I would try to tell but not today. Instead I want to give shout outs to all my trans brothers and trans sisters, inside and outside. One thing I know that we can all relate to is this ...

All of the mean hateful words, violence, fear, stares, from our bosses, the police, correctional staff, authority figures and sadly even some of our own family members. That shit hurts. It truly does. And it’s scary to face but dig it. All of the pain and fear I feel from these judgmental people does not hurt even half as bad as hiding who I truly am or who you are. Real shit y’all.

Letters from our Inside Family

I’m going through a lot right now, to the point of me not even caring about life anymore. But I’m Ms. Ahnay. I’m shining, I have courage and I love me. This is not a choice, it’s who I am, it’s who you are!!! So all of you boys and girls, old and young that are trapped in this shell. Come out and shine in the world. I promise you will feel better. To all of my LGBTQ+ family, I love all of you. Keep your chins up and shoulders straight. To all of the LGBTQ+ supporters on the streets, on the outs, THANK YOU! I read these Black and Pink issues like the Bible. Y’all literally saved my life and I’m sure you have for others, too. And for the bad guys, the mean people, the undercovers that spread so much hate, well go eat a donut, take a chill pill and like my girl Tau Tay says, “you need to calm down.” Thanks for your space, and your time. Love all y’all.

Ya girl, Ahnay (IN)

*content warning: graphic descriptions of childhood sexual assault and rape*

The Story of Her: And My Journey Through Sexuality

Being a queer woman today, I believe that my past sexuality for me was distorted at one point. However, sexuality for me, like many other girls was the basic image of what young girls know; pink = girls, blue = boys,

and yet I felt I did not fit into any standard so black = me. I was born and raised in the hood in the ‘90s and early 2000s. My grandmother and step-grandfather raised me because my mom was on drugs and my dad was not ready to be a father. At a very young age, I learned abandonment early. As a young girl, I never felt pretty and nobody told me I was. Therefore, I naturally rejected things about myself; like my nose was too big, I was too Black and my hair was so short. My grandmother was a pastor and my stepgrandfather was a deacon so my two younger sisters and I had to wear only dresses and skirts as a part of our religious beliefs. So not only did I feel that I looked funny, I also felt I dressed funny. I felt the total opposite of feminine so any chance I got, I would ruin those dresses and my hair as a way of acting out. I was raised to think a man and a woman was the right way in the eyes of God. Yet, my first sexual encounter was my Nana’s adopted daughter. Afterwards, I stayed up all night, hoping she would do it again and yet, I felt ashamed by my feelings but that only sparked my rebellious behavior. Sadly, at the age of 12, somebody I loved and thought I could trust took my virginity away from me, then to top off my pain, I found out I was pregnant. My belief in God was gone and I felt God betrayed my body. I barely knew about sex and the knowledge I learned about sexuality was forced on

me. So after giving birth to my son, I ran for dear life away from home. However, on the streets, I learned sexuality was men who would grab their dicks while women wore barely anything. In addition, drugs and alcohol made it so you lose all your morals. I also learned then that I enjoyed being with women but I liked the attention men gave me for having a big butt, little waist and a smile, so I would be with them as well. Sex became a blur of sexual endeavors and love did not exists. I did not know who I was or where I wanted to be, I felt like a sexual outcast. My experience was my own, so when that man raped me also raped my sister, a part of me died because I did not want my younger, 15-year-old sister to be confused about her sexuality as much as I was and I was tired of him. I killed him and God was not there when I did it. Instead, the devil was in both of our eyes. I looked at the man I once loved in his eyes and felt nothing. Sexuality, to me, was the night he kissed me goodnight and then held a pillow over my face as he repeatedly poked my 12-year-old vagina. And now it was my sister’s story, too. Our pop-pop, may you rest in peace.

I was sent to the psych ward and while there, not much changed in my mind about sexuality. I took the attention of the crazy men there and they swooned over my looks. Sexuality was now the expression of the crazy inside of me.

I was sent to jail once I was

Letters from our Inside Family

found stable in the psych ward. There, I felt the pressure of women fucking women being pushed on me. I was constantly being seduced. But I was on psych medication and had to

get my head on straight. I saw women take refuge in the arms of other women in place of men. That was not me; I did not want to replace anyone, I wanted to find someone to erase pain.

Once I was unleashed, I took woman after woman to bed with me. The sexual release temporarily numbed me but it was only sexual insanity. In the midst, I fell in a delusion of love with a woman (we will call her Tee). I remember our first night together, I ate her out for about an hour and then told her I loved her. She called me a fool and went to sleep on her jail bunk and I laid there up all night with her scent on my face, hoping she would want more. Those times for me were the most amazing times in my life, I felt like I was in some kind of rom com. Nevertheless, that was the delusional part; I remember singing in the community showers “Pieces of Me” by Ashlee Simpson because I thought this was definitely love. Sex for hours and intellectual conversation that made me think, I could do this person thing. But I was not growing. Because I did not tell you about the fact that Tee tried to kill herself every chanced she got while with me and she always wanted sex with or without me. Sexuality at that time was a fantasy of wants and needs. Moreover, that illusion then made me feel halfway true to myself but I barely knew what love was. It did not work out between us. Reality hit me and I had to accept my fate as the judge sentenced me to 15 years. I had to serve 85 percent of that, 12 years and nine months. In prison, I chased that feeling I got with Tee but found nothing

Ms. Grace (MS)

Letters and Poetry from our Inside Family

close. An old friend of mine, a beautiful Rican girl I met in the psych ward became my FWB. She wanted love and a relationship and I wanted only a nut and a friend. We separated and I became official with an ogre of a woman twice my age. I wanted a nut and got one. I realized after years of that, I really could not waste time with people and I would not settle. I had to self-reflect and thought about how sexuality was not taught to me, it was forced on me. Love was there and then taken from me. However, through it all, I had to come back to my roots and found out that my Nana’s adopted daughter was gay. She is now married to a woman with two sons. The man I loved who raped me and my younger sister was my stepgrandfather and even though he hurt us, we now know he was a confused man. My grandmother was weird about it because he was the man she loved and I did not realize how much it affected her as well. And sadly, rape was normal in my family. But women pushed it aside and were strong about it. It was not discussed or a tragedy, On the contrary, it was life and life goes on. Oh yeah, that beautiful Rican girl I talked about earlier who for the shit end of the deal with me. Well, she became a woman before my eyes and I saw God again through her. Love pieced us together with patience and our flaws were forgiven. I fell in love with her.

Together we brought the best out of each other and sex was an afterthought. But a thought because damn, she is sexy! It does not consume us! I realized that a moment with her was not enough so I plan to have a lifetime with her. Of course, we had our disadvantages in life and like me, sexuality was misrepresented to her as well. However, we made amends with out past and look forward to a healthy sexuality built on love and communication. My son is 15 years old now and I get it, it can be hard to talk about sexuality without sounding controlling, over-protective or misguided. But the purpose of this essay is to shed light on the taboo message of sexuality and the fact that everyone has a different experience with it. As a queer woman, I had to learn about the ins and outs of sexuality and love. So express yourself but be safe and happy.

LOVE IS LOVE

-Taheira H (NJ)

Dear B&P Fam,

This is my first letter so let me introduce myself. My name is Alex, I’m a 37 year old white male. My true friends call me Maniac. Before that conjures up the wrong image, let me explain that a) I was a pro-wrestler on the smaller indy scene, Alex “The Maniac” was my ring name. b)

Maniac by definition also means “obsessive enthusiast” and that explains me in a nutshell. I’m extremely passionate when it comes to things I stand for. With intro out of the way, let me get to WHY I decided to write, while reading the June/May 2020 newsletter, two specific letters got me thinking. Jessica Z and Miss Atlanta brought up similar points about needing to stick up for each other rather than tearing each other down. Both mention things like love, respect, standing together, etc. and I agree 100 percent. Which brings me to what I’ve been thinking about for a while. I identify as bisexual. Through my life, I’ve experience negativity and judgment on all sides. Due to the very little experience with the same sex, I’ve been told by people who identify as gay that I don’t have the right to call myself anything other than straight. Yet I’ve had straight people say that same small experienced meant I was gay. I went through a point of feeling unaccepted all around. I feel sometimes that “B” that sits dead center in LGBTQ gets forgotten or misunderstood, even within the community. I think we all can do more to build unity and support for each other. I don’t know what my fate in love will be. I spent six years with one girl, we were married the last year then I caught her cheating. Then a girl who had identified as lesbian fell for me. We spent five years together.

Letters and Poetry from our Inside Family

After I came to prison, she broke it to me that she wanted to go back to females. We have a son together but I supported her decision. We stayed friends at first but lost contact (long story). What I do know is that since then my kids other parent identifies as male and has changed names. I kinda think I knew before he was ready to see it. And you know what, it doesn’t change a thing. If I could talk to him now, I’d say this very thing: name and gender identity are just part of our story, underneath, deep down, our personality, that’s the most important thing. For me male, female, transgender, none of that really matters. What matters is finding someone I can love, someone who loves me, who connects in that special way. I did fall for a male once but, let’s say some places aren’t the best for finding love ... That is about as brief of a “who I am” that I can make. I just wanted to share that. I’ve got lots more I’d like to write about but I think this is enough for my first letter in. I hope everyone who reads this is well, keeping your head up and staying strong. United we can take on anything. With love,

Alex AKA Maniac (RI)

Letters and Poetry from our Inside Family

Dear Family,

I want to take time to tell our LGBTQ family that if it feels like you’re going through something alone, or feels like you’re alone, just know your self worthiness. Be positive and just know you are valued. Most importantly, remember you are loved and that you are worth more than gold and diamonds. You’re part of a Big Family (LGBTQ Family). Just know you’re somebody and that you’re loved. We all go through hard times so lift your head up and be proud of who you are and fight back. You’re not alone.

James (OK)

Dear Fam,

I’m writing about an issue that’s been bothering me for a while now. So I’ve got a boner to pick with you guys and I figure the best, quickest way to get some action (and who doesn’t like action?) is to bring it to the family and just lay it out there bare and see who grabs it and gives it a squeeze.

My problem is that as a straightappearing guy who likes other straight-appearing guys (I think you call that cis but I’m too old to keep up with all the new tags and labels and pronouns), I feel unrepresented by Black and Pink and the LGBTQI+ (and all the rest of the alphabet and numerals and symbols and

‘tudes) progressive movement in general.

I’ve been reading B&P since B&P was little more than a post-it note and I always used to find it fulfilling. But lately, it’s gone all trans, all the time. Even the letters from family are 95 percent trans now. And while I love our sisters, I don’t like getting shoved back in the closet and ignored. It just seems as if my orientation isn’t trendy enough for people to even give a little print space or air time anymore.

Now, granted, the issue might just be other non-trans guys are feeling a little intimated or dissed like I am and that’s why they aren’t writing anymore. If that’s the case, well, I’m here to listen to (read) your stories, problems, pleas for attention, whatever ya got. So write, okay? I need the connection B &P offers me to guys who want love with other guys like themselves. By that I mean, men with men. We’re not dinosaurs to be relegated to museums and history books now that a new identity has taken over the media spotlight. The girls have their plight and it deserves attention. But we still count. We still contribute. We’re still part of the rainbow, even if our sisters are making all of the news lately. Talk to me, manly men. I’m dyin’ of loneliness here.

Sincerely,

Jack D. (TX)

I’m Sorry

I am on the inside looking out, watching my life pass by, Sitting in a prison cell asking myself why

Why I have done the things I did, to wind up in this lace, While you my love sit at home, with tears upon your face. I try to write you letters, to tell you to be strong, I try to write I am sorry but the words come out all wrong

How can I expect you, to want me to come home, after all the things I have done, since I have left you all alone.

I have asked God for his guidance and he reached into my heart, he said with faith and honesty, it’s the only way to start.

So let me start by saying I am sorry for hurting you and my love, once I get out, we’ll start our lives anew.

We’ll build our lives in honesty with faith in God above. For with God watching over us, we’ll have the purest love.

So, as you’re writing letters, listen for the phone, for some day I will call and say, honey I’m coming home.

Until that day arrives, there’s one thing you must do and that is remember how much I love you

B-Baby Terry B (AR)

Letters and Poetry from our Inside Family

decelerated

Dear Black and Pink, I have a poem for my inside family. I am incarcerated in prison in Texas. I am a trans woman. My name is Tina.

Making a million friends is not a miracle ... The miracle is to make such a friend who can stand with you when millions are against you.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

I love you all my only family. Stay self.

Tina (TX)

... Without a doubt in your mind ... Then our love can surely withstand ...

THIS FORSAKEN TEST OF TIME

BLESSED BE

Phil S. (FL)

So I gotz to pep it up

Like spices ground and shaken

So my sadhana serious, heart light as a feather

And my smile consistent as Maya play in the weather Move by spirit in a world moved by commas and decimals

Most are numb, cold and distant to the love that’s self

Society of the Damned

Shards of glass, filling my shoes Tattoo on the biceps, born to lose

Existing in solitude, cement cage Government torment, fueling my rage

Abandoned by family, shunned by friends

Groundhog Day, it just never ends

So God emerges from the bosom

as the heart of the path.

Gotta synchronize rhythm with every pulse and step.

I AM MAN.

Not a corporate fictional contract

This Forsaken Test of Time

We live by the sun, We live by the moon, We live by the promise ... that everything will be alright but sometimes the Great Goddess ... has a different plan in mind to see if our love can withstand

...

THIS FORSAKEN TEST OF TIME

We are separated by law but by love we are eternally bound ...

Nothing can be sweeter ... than this eternal love we’ve found,

So if your heart is pure and true

Legal slavery, working for a penny

Common sense, don’t have any Not about guilt, innocence or justice

Praying to heaven, answers from hell

Owned by the system, the gavel fell

Michael C. (OH)

Set the Straw on Fire

Orbiting from the first eye to behind the navel

With an astral grasp for grace, tryna refine my matrix

As slow as time since I’ve

With a surety of life, not a national debt. So set the straw on fire and let them claim the ashes. Cus I can hear freedom ringing and I know how to answer

-Leela D.

Rebel Talk Part 1

Revival of a revolutionary spirits

What I represent?

Dem single mother bastard children.

Uneducated, unmotivated and poverty stricken

Mama pay da rent, da car note, den broke, Da game sumtin’ slick.

So I’m young, BLACK and angry, real thug-life nigga

Infested communities of drugs and guns that’s brought in by the

Corey C. (CA)

government

So before I move a pack or pull a trigger, just tryna win, I’m already guilty, “until proven innocent”

Ain’t dat a bitch!

“The days as slaves and Jim Crow’s segregated ways have passed.”

Dey sayin.

But I only see it disguised now as a “colorblind” racial caste system.

Crooked politicians and sellouts, oppressin dey own kin

In the “pursuit of happiness”

They’re privatizing prisons for capital

Mass Incarceration.

How could another life be property?

With a loss of civil rights even after release.

Take ha you wona, I’m anti-colonialism

Everywhere the Albino go, he rape the land and oppress the people

Rebel Talk pt. 2

Revival of a revolutionary spirit, What I represent?

The Motherland of wisdom. BLACK genesis, Check the pyramids. My heredity is God Man, manifest in the physical

And astral and mental Been mastered every plane of existence.

Whole civilizations who understood the Science of Living.

Hundreds of thousands of years before any westernized thinking. An enlightened people, way before colonialism, How you gon bring democracy

(now capitalism in disguise) to Africa where it was invented? And dress ya pawns as “appointed” leaders. Devil oppressors erased our culture, history and identity.

Spiritual genocide by “Willie Lynching.”

Karmically tied to these modern times,

I gotz to watch my tempa. Lost one, who found refuge in Buddha to be most skillful But what happened to “my” people?

I just wanna know. My whole life

I was ashamed of being BLACK and didn’t know it. Guess it was sub-compartmental But through practice, experience and accumulated virtue I shed dem old ethers. And broke me down Psychological brick by brick And rebuilt me

No, I’m ready for war.

-Leela D.

of earth?

Where will the lifemap go?

No heart, no lungs, no feet, no soul

No ground, no breath, no home

Searching, aching, longing for you

The only real love I’ve known

-Brian B (OR)

Now that I’m gone, remember me with smiles and laughter. And if you need to cry, cry with your brother who walks in grief Beside you. And when you need me, put your arms around anyone And give to them what you need to give me, there are so many who need so much.

I want to leave you with something ---Something much better than words or sounds

Without You

How does a heart beat outside of its home?

How will the lifeblood flow?

How do the lungs breath void of its breath?

How will the life-wind blow?

How does the soul lose sight of its shell?

Where will the lifeseed grow?

How do the feet walk in absence

Look for me in people I’ve known or helped in some special way. Let me live in your heart as well as your mind. You can love me most by letting your love reach out to our loved ones, By embracing them and living in their love.

Love does not die, people do. So when all that’s left of me is love,

Give me away as best as you can

-Rufus (CA)

Connections being built,

Bonding like a quilt, Easing on my guilt, Life on the rebuild, Makes me fulfilled, Strengthening my will

-Anthony W. (IL)

You, Me, Us, We

I see differently than you The things I do and finish are extraordinary to me I don’t think like you But I love you.

Thank you LP, LS, JJ, CS, for being true.

Never giving up on me

-Happy

(MN)

I am who I am because I’m not you

I live my own life despite the few

Call me whatever comes to your mind

but I’ll still be me, this is my climb

I reach beyond the stars in the sky

to be who I am despite the tides You could seek to destroy who I am

but you would fail, I’m stronger my friend

The path of life includes flaws to grow

Sometimes fast, other times slow

You must learn to deal with it or it will consume you into its pit Life is full of endless lies you have to shine through and find

The path you seek is inside you have the courage to be you, too

-Nadia M. (TX)

Redemption

Here I stand before you, A humbled honest man Trapped behind the labels, can you see who I am?

I am not my past deed, though it’s how they’ll judge me. They’re blind of my true form, a monster’s all they’ll see. Can’t you see my words now? I shout this all out loud.

Redemption, redemption, will there be any left for me? Redemption, redemption. I cry out oh please set me free!

I’ll find nothing in this, anger rising higher.

Brand me with their labels, mark of the Pariah.

All out in the courtyard, I’m their exhibition

Hear their voices shout out, they want execution!

Now the mob is growing, soon comes their stone throwing. Redemption, redemption, will there be any left for me?

Redemption, redemption, I cry out oh please set me free!

My sexuality, like criminality, they judge these things of me. As if it’s one the same, society lays the blame, As if we’re born of hell and tried to cast a spell, on every one of them. A curse to draw them in, and make them just like us. I don’t get all the fuss.

I’ll never be like you, I’m proud to be myself!

Like nobody else ...

I think I finally found my source

of redemption and it was never really in their hands. I’ll take it back for myself.

Redemption, redemption, I finally found some for me!

Redemption, redemption, I’ll cry out, when I walk free !!!

Alex AKA Maniac (RI)

I Will Make You Smile

I will make you smile

Like the rising sun

Displaying its beautiful colors

Take my hand

Come out and be my friend

I give you this flower

Blooming in compassions hour You will never be alone through life’s storms, or left behind, for I shine as your rainbow, and wipe your tears.

Just take my hand for a while.

By Jeff M.

With love, in solidarity.

Great Is What You’ve Always Been

Letter of wizdom to my LGBTQIA+ family

Focus on your dreams and never doubt yourself

Nor your abilities to achieve greatness, if you focus on greatness, you will become great. If you focus on evil then evil will come devour your chances to be great. Hate and envy will never allow you to reach your full potential if you allow it to become a part of you. Whatever energy or vibe that you choose to feed or fuel and

manifest whether its positive energy or negative energy will be brought to you. So focus on greatness and succession and magnetize your dreams with all doubts swept to the side and you will inevitably be as great as we all are meant to be ...

Be and stay strong. Be proud of who you are and who you have and will become because great is what you’ve always been ...

- Amber AKA Baby Sean AH 727 (NV)

I don’t need a crew, I don’t need a team

Vision is precise like a laser beam

I see all the masks like its Halloween

I don’t need a friend, I don’t need a foe

What I really need? I don’t really know

Think I’m really frozen, I should let it go

Ice Queen now, heart is made of snow & I’m a serpentine speaker, talk in parseltongue

Like Medusa just came back for a lil’ fun

Kara Nichols (missing person since 2012)

Concrete and metal, meet a petal turned to hash.

A garden once was given, now a prison to outlast.

Pain bleeds but rightly so, to stop the teeth that gnash.

The love that felt is just a dream, a substance shadow cast.

Its there it was the day she fell and found the sky so grey

Take my hand like we just met and we’ll be on our way

With pounding hearts a feeling found, eyes dilate the sky, speckled edges

Find the thought, the reason doves can fly

A thinking place is all one needs; a bar, a cell, a swing.

Bee positive, as times unreal, one best embrace the sting.

-Alex W. (CO) -Poem written March 8, 2017

In the dark but I shine like a lil’ sun

Praying to the moon, blessings to the sun.

Done but I really need to bring in back

That’s a fact and so that’s where I bring it at I just rap, I don’t care if they feeling that Emo so I rap where my feelings at

There a bunch of fucking layers I be peeling back

Peeling back the feelings in appealing tracks

Still in fact appealing when I’m willing that & I’m feeling that my will invoke the still in that

A Blackrose (TX)

Which from true affection flow Love me now while I am living

Do not wait until I am gone And then have it chiseled in marble

Lukewarm words on ice-cold stone

If you have tender thoughts of me, Why not whisper them to me? If you wait until I am asleep never to awaken, There will be death between us So if you love me, even a little bit,

Let me know While I am living so I can treasure it.

Vampir (TX)

This is how I do when I’m on the scene

LOVE ME NOW

If you are EVER going to love me,

Love me now

While I can know the sweet and tender feelings

ACROSS

1 Came across a record concerning journalist (10)

6 Language of old city belonging to the French (4)

9 They’ll get wrongly blamed for heading off escape by animals (10)

10 There’s potato in Mum’s pudding (4)

12 Style of cooking providing contrasts (5-3-4)

15 Country-loving Irishman in charge of containing disturbance (9)

17 Giving note to terrorists makes one angry (5)

18 One who latches on to another is a sucker (5)

19 Sailor’s intent perhaps is to be self-restrained (9)

20 A comment sure upset in due proportion (12)

24 Man told to get on his knees? (4)

25 Boundary rope may produce such a decision (10)

26 E.g. dogs returning from walk (4)

27 Not quite one’s best friend on the ship (6,4)

DOWN

1 Pretty girl gets some food (4)

2 Animal found in sea location (4)

3 Fat little Edward is biased (12)

4 The First Lady touring

Oklahoma will awaken memories (5)

5 The thresholds of delights (9)

7 Heartless robbers go off with a pet. The villains! (10)

8 Below, below, below (10)

11 Managed to get clergyman in dead awkward situation (12)

13 They are seeking work after demolition of aspic plant (10)

14 Steam railway takes on head of Railtrack to improve efficiency (10)

16 To perform in a different key, one’s parts must be arranged (9)

21 Went on horseback round cowboy show (5)

22 Junk mail from the capital (4)

23 Nothing but a lake (4)

“There is not a single era in United States history in which the police were not a force of violence against Black people.”

― Mariame Kaba, We Do This ‘Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice

“Abolition is not some distant future but something we create in every moment when we say no to the traps of empire and yes to the nourishing possibilities

dreamed of and practiced by our ancestors and friends. Every time we insist on accessible and affirming health care, safe and quality education, meaningful and secure employment, loving and healing relationships, and being our full and whole selves, we are doing abolition. Abolition is about breaking down things that oppress and building up things that nourish. Abolition is the practice of transformation in the here and now and the ever after.”

― Eric A. Stanley, Captive Genders: Trans Embodiment and the Prison Industrial Complex

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