Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

January 11 – 17, 2012

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

SPORTS NEWS

The Fans vs. Jerry Jones

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Connection Rio 4 UFC 142 Preview 4 Mavericks news 6 Stars news 7 Saints / 49ers Preview 8 Broncos / Patriots Preview 8 Texans / Ravens preview 8 Giants / Packers preview 8 Cover Story Best Wings in Town 10 Buffalo Wing Trivia 11 Blitz babe of the week Ashley 12 BLITZ Entertainment Shoebie Doobie Doo 13 Planet Hipster 13 Nitric Oxide 14 Seven Things in Seven Days 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Movie Review 15 Lamborghini Aventador 16 Gadgets 16 Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 Box Office Debacles 18 2-Minute Drill 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor C. Patterson Graphic Designer: Damien William Mayfield Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photograhy Darryl Briggs Cover Design Damien Mayfield

Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors Staff Writers Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman Contributing Photographers Malleus Brando, Mike Calimbas, Ed Clemente, Ron Cogswell, Jack Crossen, Elvis Kennedy, Emilio Labrador, Kyle Mooney, Matt Pearce, Artis Rams, Michael Wifall, asterix611, Ben, La Negra, Michael, Ray Contributing Writers Ben Agin, Joyce Alexander, Ashly Anderson, Brian Beard, Mika Bradford, Mike Calimbas, Sonny Capps, Andrew J. Hewett, Keysha Hogan, Stan Kowalski, Mateeka Lanee, Johnny Reeves, Aeryn Ripley, Tommy Smith, Joe Stumpo, Mary Szefcyk

BLITZ Weekly

P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2011 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

o...I spoke with Jerry Jones about the fan reaction to this season. No really! I did. I was at a film screening and out of the corner of my eye I see Jerry Jones flanked by the who’s who of the Fort Worth and Dallas elite. While he was mingling, I tried to not look like a waiter and inched closer and closer until I got close enough to introduce myself. Before he could think twice, I pressed record on my tape recorder and tried to get you some answers. Here’s what he said: “First of all, I would like for them to hear from me that I am leaving no stone unturned relative to input from knowledgeable people at an arms length evaluating how we will be better. I use several consultants with the can and do; and a lot of them that are interested with the right perspectives. “ “I think that our fans have a concern that I would not reach out for input that would create change in some areas and that’s just the opposite. And I’m in the position to ask candidly for a real critical evaluation of our team. And I use some of the finest people there are on this planet that follow the NFL and follow teams and follow personnel and follow coaching and that follow strategy and I get the benefit of that in my decision making.” Do you feel better about next season? He’s enlisted the greatest sports minds on the planet people! Well, the Cowboys finished 8-8 this season, and are 130-126 since their last Super Bowl win. That 1995 win was 16 years ago and in all that time they’ve had only one playoff win. And there is plenty of blame to lay at the feet of the various coaches and players over the past 16 years but the one unchanging figure at the top has been Jerry Jones. In the past Jones has been asked why he alone has served as general manager. He graciously explained that if he’d hired a manager in the beginning, he probably

By Keysha Hogan @TheKeysha

would have fired as many of them as he has coaches. So I suppose, Jones is doing you fans a solid by saving you the difficult emotional distress of dealing with GM turnover. But I’m convinced that the familiar feeling of failure is driving fans insane. Now I recognize and respect that Jones is a master businessman and has taken on an iconoclastic persona around the world. He has also taken the majority of the blame for every bad decision in the franchise and hardly gets any praise for the good ones. But I think he honestly believes he can do every employee’s job better than they can, and that’s just not a realistic approach. In the Christmas Eve game against the Eagles, Tony Romo was injured and the camera panned to an empty owner’s suite. Everyone knew what this meant. Jones was heading to the field. We all witnessed Jones pacing behind head coach Jason Garrett, stalking him into submission. Jones later told the press he went to the sidelines after confirming the condition of Romo in the locker room. He simply wanted to tell Garrett that Romo shouldn’t be going back onto the field, since the game wasn’t a make or break for the team. In that brief few minutes he morphed from the boss in the owner’s suite, to a trainer in the locker room, and then into the offensive coordinator. This unique brand of micromanaging is holding back a team that comes painfully close to winning big games all year, but has fallen short so many times. So what is a fan to do? I considered encouraging you all to file a class action lawsuit against the team and management. We are a certainly a large group of people with the same grievances and the behaviors of the team seem habitual from here. But maybe that’s not the best way to go either. I heard what Jones had to say but I’m still a part of a frustrated fan base that is desperate for relief from the ways of the past.

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

@ConanOBrien Conan O’Brien

For the dictator of a rogue state, KimJong Un is really mellow and fun to video iChat with.

Yay, you’re famous! So your cellmates will know your name!

That’s How You Throw A Party Bourne Legacy star Jeremy Renner was present in a real life Thai bar brawl! Renner and some friends were partying in Phuket (how do you pronounce that?) Thailand when six staffers of the Rachada Pub showed them some local hospitality leaving one of Renner’s friends in serious condition after introducing an ax made from a motorcycle brake rotor into the fight. E! Online

He Should Fit Right In Director of Oscar nominated The Fighter found himself in a bit of hot water after allegedly giving the strangest mammogram ever by groping the breasts of his 19-year-old transgendered niece. Though the Broward County Sheriff’s Office closed the case, Russell’s niece does have the option of taking her complaint to the State’s Attorney on her own. TMZ.com

Bathroom Love Triangle Feleti “Freddy” Maugatai, star of the Discovery channel’s Deadliest Catch has been charged with assault after a trip to the restroom in an Alaskan hotel took a turn for the worse. It seems that Freddy allegedly went MMA on some lady’s husband and headlocked his a*s to the ground and forcefully pushed her across the restroom. Freddy claims self-defense. No crabs were hurt. Reuters

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

UFC 142 SATURDAY – JAN. 14 – 9PM

Watch it at:

By Mike Calimbas www.txmma.com

By Brian Beard comments@blitzweekly.com

Ever wondered what it would be like to make the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu journey down to Rio for training? Most of us who’ve trained in BJJ for any reasonable amount of time have had that thought cross our minds at least once, if not over and over again. It’s a dream that goes something like this: you wake up every morning without a care in the world other than your morning training session. After putting in a few solid training hours on the mats you head to the beach with a few of your buddies before eating some Brazilian food, relaxing, and then doing it all over again. Sound familiar? Seems kind of like a Jiu-Jitsu practitioner’s paradise, doesn’t it? From speaking to Camron Couch, a native Texan who’s actually been down in Rio de Janeiro in these past few months, that description of what a Rio Training Trip would be like sounds incredibly accurate. A wrestler since fifth grade, Camron found himself training BJJ for the first time just a few years with the team at Mohler BJJ in Coppell. Immediately falling in love with the sport, Cam has since been on a journey to get as comfortable grappling in the GI as he’s been grappling without it. Taking that challenge to heart and having recently attained his purple belt, he decided to make the pilgrimage down to Brazil this year decided to do so with Connection Rio – a company that provides BJJ practitioners with accommodations and training opportunities should they ever decide to make the trip down to the Mecca of the Jiu-Jitsu world. Based on the help they provided, Camron says he’s quickly found himself in an ideal situation for training and everything else in Rio. The Real World – Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Style “I’m staying at a big house that’s about a 30-second walk from the academy I mainly train at (Gordo Evolve),” Camron says about where he’s been staying in the Cidade Maravilhosa. “The gym is literally like five doors down and then the market is about a three-minute walk.

I can catch the bus from around there if I need to go anywhere else or have something to do around the city. It’s a perfect spot.” Being paired with other travelers from all over the world by Connection Rio, Camron best described his living situation as being “kind of like a house from (MTV’s) The Real World but with great jiu-jitsu and people from all over the world.” The company accommodates travelers of all skill levels but he says he found himself in the house at just the right time. “Right now in the house there are Kazua Misaki, this 2x world champ, and this kid from Poland who just fought and won in Bellator (Marcin Held). My bro from Cali just left so it’s me, a kid from Alaska and another from Montana from the United States but really, it’s mostly guys from other countries. There are two dudes from Poland and one from Australia. There are guys here from Finland, Sweden, Iceland, Belgium, a Japanese dude, and a hot girl from Germany. There’s also another girl here from Thailand. She’s hot too. It’s a pretty crazy mix of people and cultures but everybody gets along great.” While references to The Real World can bring about images of debauchery and other Photos Courtesy: Mike Calimbas unruly behavior, it seems that with this group, the focus has been on the task at hand. “There’s no TV or anything in the house so everyone is either training, watching Jiu-Jitsu or fighting on the computer, or doing something else that’s active. I haven’t gotten to surf yet since it’s been a bit rainy but I’ve been to the beach at least 3 or 4 times a week since I’ve been here. And when we’re at the house, we all just like to work on stuff. The guys are always down to drill. Some of them talk really fast and nobody can understand them but me but that’s not too big of a deal. We can communicate on the mats. I don’t want to sound annoying or anything but it really is just an amazing environment.” To learn more about Connection Rio, visit their web site at www.connectionrio.com

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

UFC 142 Preview Junior vs. money

Connection Rio: Train in Brazil

Jose “Junior” Aldo (20-1-0) vs. Chad “Money” Mendes (11-0-0): If you have ever watched Aldo fight you know what he is capable of. He is a great striker that has his eye on finishing fights. Unlike most 145 lb fighters, he finishes. That is not a knock on the 145ers either. These cats rumble and never seem to tire! Chad Mendes is a very good wrestler that knows how to make fights ugly and grind out decisions. I look for him to try to get this fight to the ground early and often, as he does not want to stand with Aldo. Aldo will want to keep this fight on the feet and the good news for him is that he has great takedown defense. I believe the key to this fight will be how Mendes handles the kicks of Aldo. If Aldo is not able to get his kicks off without being taken down, he could be in trouble! I don’t see this happening though. I think Aldo will win a decision in front of the home crowd in Brazil!

Vitor “Phenom” Belfort (20-9-0) vs. Anthony “Rumble” Johnson (10-3-0): This could be a fight to remember for 2012! Vitor is a UFC legend and has been fighting since many of you were sh!tting in pampers. He has great hand speed and can be very explosive. He also has outstanding Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in his arsenal. Johnson is a good wrestler, good striker and freak athlete. He is very, very explosive and is not afraid to bang! It will be interesting to see if he stands, or tries to bully Belfort to the ground and beat the brakes off of him. Vitor has the advantage in the experience department and should be the more polished fighter. He is not known for his gas tank though. If Johnson can take this fight into the third round, Vitor will gas! I predict Rumble Johnson will win this fight via TKO in the third round. The crowd in Brazil will likely riot, as Vitor is a superstar and a hero there. Johnson will need security.

Rousimar “Toquinho” Palhares (223-0) vs. Mike “Master of Disaster” Massenzio (13-5-0): Massenzio won his last fight but had lost three in a row prior to that. He has to be close to being cut and needs this win much more than Palhares who is coming in on a two fight win streak and has been fighting successfully in the UFC since 2006. Both of these cats are very good on the ground, but I give the advantage there to Palhares. Massenzio is a better-rounded fighter, but will it be enough? I don’t think so. This will be a good, technical fight with Palhares winning a unanimous decision in the motherland (he is Brazilian). Photos Courtesy: Malleus Brando

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

MAVS Grading the new guys

By Geoff Case gcase@blitzweekly.com The Mavericks have added a plethora of new pieces. So, if this were grade school would they be passing the 2012 season? Vince Carter SG/SF I was very skeptical on how much Vince Carter could help the Mavs but have been very impressed with his contributions to the team so far. He’s not shot hunting and launching a bunch of dumb transition threes like I feared he would. Instead, we’ve seen a grizzled veteran picking his spots to make an impact on the game. He’s provided spark off the bench that can penetrate to the basket and I absolutely love him posting up smaller guards on the block. I’m not totally convinced that Vince has turned over a new leaf in Dallas but the signs so far have been really encouraging. “Just playing within the flow of the offense,” Carter said. “We’re a very unselfish team.” Sign me up for more Vince if he can finally embrace the hired gun role as opposed to the spray and prey machine gun. Grade: B+

Upcoming Schedule: 1/11 @ Celtics 7:00 p.m. 1/13 Bucks 7:30 p.m. 1/14 Kings 8:00 p.m. 1/16 @ Lakers 9:30 p.m. 1/18 @ Clippers 9:30 p.m.

Delonte West SG/SF Delonte has been playing some inspired ball since the start of the season offensively, but his prowess on defense has been the most beneficial for the Mavs thus far. Delonte has provided kind of a hybrid Barea/Stevenson option at shooting guard for the Mavericks and with an injured Jason Kidd it’s nice to be able to move him over to the point if need be. Delonte seems happy to be playing whatever role the Mavs need him for. “For me, [it has been about] playing really off the ball the last couple of games,” said West, “trying to be off the ball and attacking, I have to change my strategy also. But, being in Texas, this ain’t my first rodeo.” Grade: ALamar Odom SF/PF Lamar Odom’s addition to the Mavericks has felt like a process since he’s first laced them up. The first few games he was getting his legs back into game shape and now the goal is finding what his role is with this team. I’m frankly very surprised it’s taken this long for Lamar to define his role on the Mavericks. He is a player that can do so many things that it lends itself to filling in certain holes on the roster. However, the Mavericks have so much firepower coming off the bench it’s been tough for Lamar to find a distinct role. His teammates have been encouraging him to take his shots and fight through the horrid shooting slump but he clearly isn’t totally comfortable on the court with his new team. I think he’ll get comfortable at some point during the season and there is a high probability that it coincides with the Mavericks performance peaking. Grade: D+ Adding some new students into the fold: The Mavericks recently called up newly signed forward Yi Jianlian from their D-League affiliate, Texas Legends, to join the Mavs roster. Dallas is still preparing forward/center Sean Williams to hopefully get ready to wear a Mavs uniform. Both played in the Legends’ game last Friday night and both impressed. Jianlian, a 6-foot-10 forward from China who has played four NBA seasons, had 17 points and 11 rebounds should rotate in well now that he has been called up. Williams had 19 points. Mavs coach Rick Carlisle said Williams needs minutes because of a logjam at his position. In the meantime, Donnie Nelson’s Legends should stack up some wins.

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

STARS Welcome Back Kari

Dallas Stars Goalie Kari Lehtonen, who recently missed 12 games with a lower body injury, has gone 2-2 since returning to the nets in late December. Lehtonen is 15-6-1 with a 2.42 GAA and a .921 save percentage this season for the Stars. And while 22-year-old center Jamie Benn is sparking the offense with nine points in his last four games, what this team needs to get to the postseason is solid play at the blue line and a goaltender that makes all the big saves. Stars GM Joe Nieuwendyk knew shortly after he got here in 2009 that he had to make a change at the goalie position. He knew Marty Turco, the Stars top goalie for nearly a decade, just was not the same guy. “I knew we had to fix things from the back end out,” Nieuwendyk said. “The starting point is goalie.” Nieuwendyk needed to restock the Stars goaltending position at the minorleague level and figure out a replacement for Turco at the same time. So, in 2010 he took a trip to watch Lehtonen play in a few AHL games. Lehtonen was rehabbing from two back surgeries and was trying to return to the NHL. “I liked what I saw,” Nieuwendyk said. “He had presence, size and a good command of the net. He was not in great shape at the time, but he recommitted himself.” Nieuwendyk could sense Lehtonen needed a change of scenery and a new start and he put together a creative trade with the Atlanta Thrashers that brought him to Dallas. Lehtonen started last season on a roll, but with no trusted backup behind him he played too much and fatigue set in at the end of the season. He got off to that same kind of start this season before being sidelined with a groin injury. “It’s a bit of a blessing in disguise because it’s given Kari games off and our record was pretty good during that time off,” Nieuwendyk said. “He’ll be refreshed and he won’t get the workload he had last year. There’s no hesitation in putting (backup Goalie Richard) Bachman in net to give Kari breaks.” Getting a solid defensive group in front of Lehtonen is still a work in progress. Nieuwendyk’s trade for Alex Goligoski last year has certainly helped. But overall, the defensive group is still searching for consistency. They were not good in recent

Upcoming Schedule: 1/12 @ Kings 9:30 p.m. 1/14 Avalanche 2:00 p.m. 1/16 @ Blues 6:30 p.m. 1/17 Red Wings 7:30 p.m.

By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com

Photo Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

losses against Columbus and Detroit. But they were great against Boston, forcing Lehtonen to make just 18 saves in a 4-2 win. Still, when the game is close late, Lehtonen has the confidence to make big saves and the Stars have the confidence that he’ll get the job done. “I think there’s room to grow. His mindset now is to show that he’s not just a good goalie, but can be one of the elite goalies.” Nieuwendyk said. And as longtime Stars fans know, an elite goalie and a solid defense could bring another Stanley Cup to the Big D. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com

By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com

By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com

After taking care of business Saturday evening by beating the Detroit Lions 45-28 at home, the New Orleans Saints go marching west to take on the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Divisional Playoff round. The Saints look like a team on mission to erase last year’s playoff blunder when they lost to the Seattle Seahawks in round one. Drew Brees has had an unbelievable season throwing for 5,476 yards breaking Dan Marino’s single season passing record while adding 46 touchdowns to boot. Tight end Jimmy Graham has become Brees go to guy this season hauling in 99 receptions

I have to eat some crow after what I wrote last week on Denver, I never expect Tebow to get his game turned around as fast as he did and to out last Pittsburgh. I’m sure a few of the Steelers that are now on vacation would agree. This will definitely be a matchup this weekend when New England will try to outscore the Bronco’s yet again. The Pat’s routed Denver after Denver had run off six in a row as it made its name for Tebow and to make its way towards the playoffs. This game is just the opposite of the other AFC Divisional matchup, as this game will showcase New

Photo Courtesy: Michael Wifall

Photo Courtesy: Ed Clemente

If you’re old school and like pitching duels, strategic matchups, hard-nose smash-mouth football where defense is the name of the game, this will fit your ticket. This divisional matchup will showcase two of the top defenses left in the playoffs. The Ravens have already beaten the Texans once this year and will try for the double dip this weekend when they host the Houston Texans who are fresh off a driving win over the Bengals. Houston is advancing off a 21 point win over Cincinnati, even with the offense running on life support at quarterback; they came to-

Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce

NFC MAtch Up: GIANTS vs. PACKERS

AFC MAtch Up: Texans vs. Ravens

AFC MAtch Up: Broncos vs. Patriots

NFC MAtch Up: Saints vs. 49ers

Every coach in every sport will tell you that it is imperative to be playing your best come playoff time, and that is exactly what the New York Giants are doing as they head to Green Bay to take on the Packers this weekend. After starting the season 6-2, the Giants lost four of their next five games leaving them in the predicament of having to win their final two contests to make the playoffs. The New York Jets and the Dallas Cowboys each still had playoff hopes until they played the Giants. The Giants have struggled running the ball, but that trend seems to be turning around

Photo Courtesy: Elvis Kennedy

for 1,310 yards and 11 touchdowns. Darren Sproles may be the offseason move that pays off the most of any in the NFL this season as he has solidified the Saints running game along with Pierre Thomas and Chris Ivory. The Saints offense ranks first in total yards and second in points per game. If they can be stopped on offense, the defense will give up some points. The 49ers return to the playoffs under the direction of first year Head Coach Jim Harbaugh. After leading Stanford to a 29-21 record in four years at Stanford, Harbaugh was named the 49ers head man January 7th last year. Just over a year later the 49ers went 13-3 winning their division going away and earning a first round bye in the NFC Playoffs. Former number one overall draft pick Alex Smith has settled in as a “control the game” type quarterback. The Niners lean heavily on their running game with Frank Gore rushing for over 1,200 yards this season and eight touchdowns. Vernon Davis is one of the most dangerous tight ends in the game and Harbaugh loves the tight end. San Francisco is going to have to control the clock with the running game and short passing game to slow down the Saints attack. Defensively San Fran ranks second in points allowed and first against the run. That means something is going to have to give in this one. The Saints experience in the playoffs may be enough to put them over the top here.

England’s second best in the league passing attack and Denver’s #1 rushing attack. Looking for defense, well go watch the other game. The Denver mule kicked the Steelers right out of the first half, held on to get to overtime, and one play later, its back to face the Patriots. Denver must figure out a way to contain the passing attack that will be trying to put an end to this year’s biggest surprise. There is no surprise that neither of these two teams possess much of a defense, and if the Bronco’s plan on yet again getting past the Patriots they better hope to get the same offensive production they had last week in the first half for the entire game. The Pat’s are rested, but that doesn’t mean the defense is going to magically start making stops. Tom Brady is as impressive as the come, and with the receiving core having fresh legs, you can bet they will be out to light the score board up. While averaging 30+ points a game the Pats need to only really worry about getting some defensive support to help make sure they are the victors. Tebow, the Broncos, the entire city of Denver and anyone else who wants a shot at advancement or even just revenge for this year’s early loss, better start not only praying for Tebow to have an arm, but for some form of defense or these mules will be ridden right out of the playoffs.

gether and tired the Cats out. The Houston defense was a huge support putting pressure on the Bengals passing game and clogging up the holes of the runs. Houston must put the ball in the hands of RB Arian Foster this week in hopes of trying to out do the defense of Baltimore. If they expect to play yet again this month they better step it up a notch against this rested Baltimore squad. Baltimore had a bye last week and got a chance to rest up and get prepared in hopes of another deep playoff run. Baltimore played pretty solid all year, couple slips here and there but nothing like the Dow Jones swings the Texans manage to go through. QB Joe Flacco will be directing this just better than average offense as they try to schedule a date for the AFC Title Game. The Ravens don’t seem to ever score a load of points, but when you hold the second and fourth best defenses against the run and the pass; your offense just needs to produce enough to get the W. I said last week the Texans will get tested in this playoff season, and here it is. With both these teams having proven defenses, this game will come down to who can make the plays, get execution and who DOES NOT turn the ball over. Baltimore has been here and done this, they will not only have the home field edge but you can give them the nod of experience as well.

with a healthy Ahmad Bradshaw and an inspired Brandon Jacobs in the backfield with quarterback Eli Manning. They manhandled the high-powered Atlanta Falcons 24-2 in the opening round of the playoffs. Believe it or not that was Manning’s first home playoff win of his career. He threw for three touchdowns in that game and just missed throwing for 5,000 yards on the season. Manning and the Giants have found a gem at receiver in Victor Cruz. He complements Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham giving the Giants a very dangerous receiving core. Couple that with some additional hard running from the Giants backs, and this should be a great game. The Packers have been the team to beat since the Super Bowl ended last season. Aaron Rodgers is making Packer fans forget about a guy named Favre that used to play quarterback on the frozen tundra. Rodgers threw for almost 4,700 yards this season with 45 touchdowns. The Giants and Packers played a great game in New York December 4th with the Packers winning 38-35. This game should be that close again but don’t count on that many points from either team this week. Aaron Rodgers has a passer rating of 131.4 against the blitz this season. The Giants blitzed the Falcons and Matt Ryan all day last week. They might want to rethink that Sunday afternoon.

SAINTS VS. 49ERS SAT. JAN. 15 - 3:30PM / FOX CANDLESTICK PARK

BRONCOS VS. PATRIOTS SAT. JAN. 14 – 7PM / CBS GILLETTE STADIUM

TEXANS VS. RAVENS SUN. JAN. 15 – NOON / CBS M&T BANK STADIUM

GIANTS VS. PACKERS SUN. JAN. 15 - 3:30PM / FOX LAMBEAU FIELD

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

By Judy Chamberlain & Staff - jchamberlain@blitzweekly.com

Hunkering down for a big game means lots of cold suds and hot wings. The hotter the better...right? You know you want some…

Hooters

Multiple Area Locations hooters.com Hottest Wings: Triple XXX The prize assets here are of course the friendly, attentive, beautiful Hooter Girls and… wings. There’s something special about the breading on the wings and how they absorb the sauce - or enjoy simply naked wings. They offer the “911” and, yes, it’s hot but with minimal flavor. The “Three Mile Island” variety is very hot and has a great flavor. You can’t go wrong with the boneless wings if you like more meat, but there is just something about “cleaning the bone” when consuming these humble poultry treats. – Mary Szefcyk

Fox and Hound

Multiple Metroplex Locations foxandhound.com Hottest Wings: Hot These wings are a bit of lightly breaded greatness. Order 10 or 20 and choose your sauce (nine flavors)! All are served with celery and ranch or Bleu Cheese. In regards to the flavors, Fox & Hound offers: Mild, Medium, Hot, Hot Honey, Spicy Garlic, BBQ, Hot BBQ, Honey Mustard BBQ and Sweet Chili Garlic. We recommend trying them all before selecting one as a favorite. On Monday, they have fifty-cent wings all day, in batches of five. Come Hungry! – Stan Kowalski

Buffalo Wild Wings

Multiple Area Locations buffalowildwings.com Hottest Wings: Blazin’ Home of something their marketing gurus have dubbed “tablegating” – this should be pretty self-explanatory – Buffalo Wild Wings features big screen TV’s along with the traditional and boneless wings. With 16 sauces and 4 dry rubs, there’s really something for everyone at here. And they don’t mess around; the heat factor is no joke. If you order them “hot,” you’d better be ready for the sensation of having an extreme heat level jump up and surf the big one on your mouth. – Mary Szefcyk

Frankie’s Sports Bar & Grill

Multiple Area Locations frankiesbar.com Hottest Wings: Cardinals The home of BILL’Z KILLER WINGZ is a serious sports bar. They have flags, endless flat screens, watch parties, and the beer flows here like the Nile in May. The place is a complete party zone and the wings simply add to the experience. Available in seven flavors Frankie’s focus is on the quality instead of the multitude of sauces. If their wings were superheroes they would be the Spider Man of wings. Not Superman or Batman, but will still kick your butt!

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

– Ben Agin

Duke’s Original Roadhouse

Multiple Metroplex Locations dukesoriginalroadhouse.com Hottest Wings: Ghost Pepper The wings served at Duke’s may well be the largest in the Metroplex. These great big beauties are meaty, breaded and tossed in your choice of sauce. Choose from five flavors: Original, Teriyaki, Garlic Parmesan, BBQ and Ghost Pepper (which is 300x hotter than a jalapeno). Get there on Monday nights, when they have seventy-five cent wing special after 8 pm. Get a Tower of Power with your favorite adult beverage, some friends, these wings and take in the ballgame for a night on the town!

Pokes Neighborhood Grill

14831 Midway #101 – Addison pokesplace.com Hottest Wings: Texas Hot The menu says it all, “In the mood for something naked and not having any luck, try our wings, they never say no (And the name is Poke’s…tee hee).” Who could say no to that? All joking aside, the wings here are in the words of Bill and Ted “most excellent”. Order six for a snack or twelve for a meal better-priced bargain. There are six flavors to choose from: Mild, Hot, Texas Hot, Lemon Pepper, Garlic Pepper and Asian Ginger. – Stan Kowalski

– Stan Kowalski

Pluckers Wing Bar

Multiple Area Locations pluckers.com Hottest Wings: Fire in the Hole “If you don’t like our wings, we’ll give you the bird!” Well that won’t be necessary for now. These guys weren’t just “winging” it (get it? It’s a wing joke!). They know exactly what they are doing in the kitchen. Pluckers is our kind of wing place; very laid back and they take their wings gosh darned seriously. In the sauce category, we assume the thinking was “Let us have every flavor known to man!” (Most likely in a booming Thor-like voice) – Ben Agin

BoomerJack Wings & Grill

Multiple Area Locations boomerjack.com Hottest Wings: Nuclear Sit down order a beer, 20 of these finely seasoned gameday wings and watch the NFL playoffs from almost any angle of the room in what turned out to be an incredibly fun place to be. They’ve got nine serious flavors that they have put some time into perfecting. Overall, this is just a really cool place. The waitresses are nice, and they have one heck of a bartender. Mr. BoomerJack, you have our seal of approval. Pass the napkins. – Ben Agin

Wing Stop

Multiple Area Locations wingstop.com Hottest Wings: Atomic Troy Aikman claims to be the number one fan of these aviationthemed joints. Cooked-to-order, these wings are never breaded. They also offer boneless breaded strips and wings, along with online ordering and amazing honey mustard sauce. Try the Garlic Parmesan wings! Wing Stop has nine flavors to choose from ranging from Mild to Atomic (prepare to be set on fire) to Cajun and more. On Mondays and Tuesdays they offer the boneless version for .50 each! Yummy! – Mary Szefcyk

Angry Dog

2726 Commerce - Dallas angrydog.com Hottest Wings: Superhot A 20-year veteran of the wings repertoire, Angry Dog has received numerous awards and recognition (including from us) for their greatness. Their wings are as naked as can be (exactly the way Hugh Hefner orders them) and are served either Regular or Superhot. Feeling macho? Trust us, the superhot is a must for those who love to spice things up and have not yet graduated to eating lit matches. Order 10 or 20…you can’t go wrong! – Stan Kowalski

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

A serving of four h o flavored tw contains ings 20 percent o f daily Vita your min A intake.

nal Buffalo The Natio al held v Wing Festi ew York N , lo a ff u in B 00,000 brings in 4 ons, who tr hungry pa 2.4 million n w o d rf sca nd n) wings. A l o li il m s (ye a r e v ssing se we’re gue f napkins. o truckloads

The Wing Bow l, traditionally h which is eld on the Friday before th Bowl, had a re e Super co day in 2011 wh rd-breaking en champion Jona 2x than “Super” Squibb devoure d to take home h 255 wings is third trophy.

ted at s origina lo, g in w lo Buffa Buffa or Bar in er 30, h c n A e h t ob k on Oct New Yor ressa Bellissimo. e d 1964 by T serve 70 thousan They now r month. e pounds p

uffalo, In the city of B 9 2 New York July ing is “Chicken W o an als Day.” There is to get online petition Senate e Congress & th ational N to recognize “ y.” Da Buffalo Wing Art by: Laura Lee Young Photos Courtesy: La Negra, Michael, Colin Harris

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

Blitz babe of the week

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

By BLITZ Staff - comments@blitzweekly.com

Y o u r t o ot s i e s w i l l b e s i n g i n g o n c e y o u c o v e r t h e m w i t h t h e s e //////// New Balance ML574 ($74.00) This sneaker started its life out as a lower tier alternative to the iconic off-road classic 576 model, but 574 soon proved its toughness. With heavy gauge laces, American woven mesh top and ENCAP cushioning in the heels New Balance is bringing back a champion.

Nike Kobe VII Supreme ($179.99) Well with a name like supreme it’s a pretty sure bet that Nike put a good bit of engineering into this shoe. Boasting 3-D heel clips made of injected TPU, high-wrapping lateral outriggers and a responsive ride built for speed these shoes will give you everything but a jumpshot.

Nike Air Max + 2009 ($169.99) Two-layer mesh upper, full-length Air-Sole®, and innovative forefoot flexibility make running that 26.2 mile marathon feel like only 25. Adidas Bercuda ($65.00) The molded EVA insole provides the anatomical comfort that is the perfect compliment to the adiWEAR outsole. These shoes are extremely durable and fairly lightweight hitting the scale at only 13.8 oz.

CONVERSE Chuck Taylor All Star Year Of The Dragon ($120.99) Don’t have any gear that commemorates the year of prosperity and luck? Well, CONVERSE has you covered. The Leather Hi – Year of the Dragon Edition has all over porcelain print making it one exclusively cool shoe. Happy Chinese New Year!

Mizuno Wave Creation 13 ($149.35) Weighing only 12.9 oz. Mizuno WC13 sheds any useless weight and delivers comfort with their AIR Mesh™ upper and Intercool ™ fulllength midsole. Translation: they help control foot heat; which trust me is a good thing.

Planet Hipster: A field guide The Modern Hipster, or as they are known by their Latin sociotaxonomic name Hipsteronium irono scenesterus eunuchus, is an interesting species. Commonly assumed to be a subspecies of emotius poutypants, there is growing evidence to suggest that they are in fact their own species. It is due in large part to their ability to assimilate any and all authentic cultural trappings, hence it has been hard to discern their rapid and growing numbers in recent years. Although located in nearly all habitats across the North American Continent, they are primarily concentrated in areas perceived by themselves as hip such as Williamsburg, New York, Portland, Oregon, and San Francisco, California. The hipster can be spotted by their distinctive and complex outer markings that are often a hodgepodge collection of socio-economic

By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com and cultural fashions which they adorn themselves with in order to convey important social information. However, much of this information is contradictory and confusing. When researched we stumbled upon the central theme of hipster life and indeed the language with which they communicate – Irony. However, relying solely upon irony as a form of expression and communication can lead to some problems. Namely, a unique language dysfunction resulting in an infinite irony loop whereby the continuous use of contradictory communication to express oneself leaves all others unable to discern where the ironic intention begins or ends thereby negating the original contradictory element in the irony which is probably ironic. In other words, the overuse of irony has left the hipster without a strong command of meaningful communi-

cation, which leads to some interesting behavior in order to compensate for the ill effects. One of the difficulties the hipster species face is the constant pressure to maintain a facade of coolness. However, I believe that this results in severe restrictions on music tastes, having a very limited social circle. It also causes infinite fracturing and self-distancing in search of esoteric minutia in order to prove they are different so they can be the same in their group. Mating rituals are also highly complex with the hipster. Possible mating partners usually meet at local watering holes. However, finding a mate can be a challenge since gender identity and roles are often confused. In any case, rather than having a visual display in order to attract a mate, the male and female hipsters intentionally make themselves ugly as a result of their

misuse of irony (ie. beards, mullets, trucker hats, camel-toe Bongo jeans, nose rings, etc.) Enthusiasm of any kind, especially attraction, is generally frowned upon and considered not cool. Not being able to show their attraction for someone makes finding a mate even harder, since hipsters do not have the ability to read minds. However, this may be in their favor, since many would be frightened if they knew what they were thinking. Ultimately, the hipster usually resorts to heavy drinking or controlled substances in order to slowly break down these self-imposed social barriers. Hipsters can be found residing in their parents’ basement or in a dilapidated house with several roommates. A popular place for young hipsters to retire is Portland, Oregon, where many are found working part time at coffee shops and

living in communes. The hipster is often unoccupied or ceremoniously occupying certain space not really as an occupation in the traditional sense of work getting done, but that they are in a space and occupying it. Often the hipster supports itself off trust funds or pouting behind the counter at local organic trendy bars/shops/cafes. The future of the hipster is uncertain, especially as the years go on and they remain stuck in the ‘90s. As culture continues to evolve and the hipster eventually runs out of skin area to tattoo, the very survival of the species is unknown. Perhaps future nursing homes will be an interesting motley conglomeration of white-haired octogenarians with sleeves of tattoos and wheeling around in their wheelchairs while yelling out for PBR and vegan gluten-free biscuits.

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

nitric oxide? What You Should Know About NO (Nitric Oxide)

By Mika Bradford CN, CPhT www.rattleandhumsports.com Body builders and athletes frequently use Nitric Oxide Supplements in order to increase circulation while exercising, enhancing performance and endurance. The ingredients in these supplements can vary, however the goal of each product is to stimulate the production of NO that signals the lining of the arteries to relax which results in increased blood flow and oxygen throughout the body. For athletes and body builders this directly translates into an increase in lean muscle mass and reduction in exercise induced fatigue. The benefits of NO and increased circulation reach far beyond the needs of body builders and athletes alone. Individuals suffering from High blood pressure, Heart Attack, Stroke, Memory Loss, Erectile Dysfunction, Arthritis, Diabetes and other chronic states of disease can also benefit from NO’s direct impact within the circulatory system. A few medications you may be familiar with that use the Nitric Oxide pathway are Nitroglycerin, used to treat angina and Sildenafil known as Viagra, used in the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Each medication stimulates the production of NO that directly leads to increased blood flow. The Nitric Oxide molecule was first identified in the mid 1980’s and in 1998 was awarded the Nobel Prize in physiology and medicine as a critical signaling molecule. NO is made by the cells in our blood vessels, which signals the arteries to relax. The production of NO optimizes circulation, decreases blood pressure, expands narrowed blood vessels and eliminates clots. This reduces the formation of artery-clogging

plaque since the opening it passes through is not restricted. NO also plays an important role supporting the immune system by fighting infections and cancer cells. Nitric Oxide is involved in virtually every organ system in our body. The production of NO is dependent on a many factors. Age, diet and level of physical activity all contribute to the efficient production of NO. The regular use of infared saunas, exercising, and eating foods like spinach, broccoli, and beets rich in nitrate and nitrites support the production of NO. For all you meat and potatoes lovers, it may be a good time to revisit the produce aisle at your local supermarket. If the thought of eating more veggies is not appealing then consider taking a dietary supplement. Most NO supplement formulas use the amino acid L-Arginine as their primary ingredient. Recently research has shown that after the age of 40 the L-Arginine pathway results in the decreased production of NO. Clinical studies have shown that NEO40, a groundbreaking formula free of L-Arginine, directly stimulates the production of NO in individuals 40 and older. Neogenis offers saliva test strips to assess and monitor NO status. Whether you are in your 20’s or are 40 something and want to improve your general health consider incorporating exercise, food and supplements that increase your Nitric Oxide levels. Photo Courtesy: Robert Wallace

Photos Courtesy: Kyle Mooney, Ben, Jack Crossen, Ron Cogswell, Emilio Labrador, Ray, asterix611

WED. 1/11

Geeks Who Drink Trivia West End Pub – Dallas Show off your brain power and kill brain cells all at the same time! The neighborhood pub without the neighborhood will keep the questions going and the beer flowing. 8pm.

thurs. 1/12

David Blaine Winspear Opera House – Dallas Jackass and master illusionist David Blaine will be defying the laws of good judgment as he rolls into the AT&T Performing Arts Center for a night that’s sure to be filled with bewildered looks and head scratching. 8pm.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Fri. 1/13

Texas Rangers Fan Fest Arlington Convention Center – Arlington There’ll be autograph sessions, Q&As, wiffle ball, the ALCS trophy display, and fun for all ages. Adults $20 Kids $10. 5pm

Sat. 1/14

Martin Luther King Day Parade Downtown – Dallas Show your support for the legacy and mission of the Civil Rights Hero Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. at the annual parade held in his honor. 10am in the Central Business District.

Sun. 1/15

Dallas Chopper Show & Swap Meet Longhorn Ballroom – Dallas Ok, so the Cowboys won’t be playing. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time on Sundays. Check out the bike show, see the vendors, trophies, win prizes, and much more. 10am.

mon. 1/16

Badass Jazz with Shelley Carrol The Amsterdam Bar – Dallas Ok hipcats this one’s for you. Amsterdam Bar is filling the air with culture this Monday. Get ready to bebop and scat all over the place. This will be one happening joint, you dig? 9pm.

tues. 1/17

Arlington Maverick Rugby Club Arlington Rugby – Grand Prairie Rugby enthusiasts of all experience levels come out and get pummeled! Practices of the most macho sport in history are Tues and Thurs with competitions on Saturdays. 7pm.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

By Aeryn Ripley comments@blitzweekly.com

January 11 – 17, 2012

Kanye West – went on an 86-tweet rampage announcing his new design firm DONDA that he says, “will galvanize amazing thinkers and put them in a creative space to bounce [their] dreams and ideas.” Listen…you can almost hear Steve Jobs vomiting.

Sarah Jessica Parker – Ok, so it’s not actually SJP but rather her iconic series that was the bane of all men’s existence. Sex and the City is coming back but as prequel series called The Carrie Diaries on the CW. Dammit. Benedict Cumberbatch – The kid with the last name that undoubtedly got him shoved into every locker in his high school’s hallway just got the last laugh. The star of the BBC’s Sherlock series was just named as the newest cast member of Star Trek 2. In addition to getting to stand next to Zoe Saldana, Cumberbatch is also in Spielberg’s War Horse, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and up for a voice role in The Hobbit.

Sherlock Holmes – A Game of Shadows By Joyce Alexander joycegalealexander@gmail.com Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows is an action packed movie in the style of an old-fashioned buddy movie. It is filled with spectacular explosions and chase scenes. This is not the traditional view of the legendary Sherlock Holmes. The original character envisioned by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a brilliant detective who had a keen ability to use logic, reasoning, and scientific investigation to solve crimes. He was nothing like the super sleuthing, martial arts expert played by Robert Downey Jr. In this re-imagined version of the detective, Downey portrays Holmes with a flare that is both exaggerated and amusing. Directed by Guy Richie, this is latest addition to the Sherlock Holmes story. Richie has created a movie that offers an obvious story bolstered by a rollicking assortment of action sequences. The slow motion 3-D like effects make

Lebron James – found himself on the wrong side of Aletea Hickman, a Miami-area baker. Hickman baked James a birthday cake for a sponsorship of the party to the tune of $3,000. Unfortunately for Hickman, James rejected the cake like a preschoolers lay-up attempt. She wants him to pay up. Immediately.

some parts of the movie a treat to watch. The action nearly bursts off the screen with bullets flying, tree branches exploding, and bombs igniting all over the place. This installment of the series has Holmes and Watson attempting to stop the unraveling of Europe into a World War. The mastermind behind the plot is the arch villain, Professor Moriarty, played by Jared Harris. Holmes and Dr. Watson (played by Jude Law) work in a feverish attempt to thwart the conspiracy. They are joined by Sherlock Holmes’ politically connected older brother, Mycroft (played by Stephen Frye). In some ways, Sherlock Holmes-A Game of Shadows, is reminiscent of popular buddy movies like the Lethal Weapon series. Unfortunately, the story does not hold together on its own. It is strung together by stylish chase scenes and explosions. But this

film is not a sequel on autopilot. It has its own rhythm and moves along at a decent pace. Unfortunately, Richie is not very attentive to all of the characters of this film. While Holmes and Watson squabble, chase bad guys, and blow up things, the women in this film are reduced to unsatisfying minor roles. They are little more than window dressing. They float in and out of the story, but really do not have much to do. Noomi Rapace, who brilliantly played the lead role in the Swedish version of the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, is wasted in the role of the Gypsy fortune-teller. It is the eye-popping special effects that take center stage in this thriller. The action sequences command the viewer’s attention and make the film an entertaining movie-going experience worth the price of a ticket, popcorn, soft drink and maybe candy, too.

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

Lamborghini Aventador/Auto Review 700 hp and 0-60 in 2.9 seconds…yes please.

By Johnny Reeves comments@blitzweekly.com There are Civics, there are Camrys, there are supercars, and then there are hypercars. Thus is the realm of gods and the Lamborghini Aventador stands high upon Olympus (assuming the Bugatti Veyron SS is vacationing). And dare I say that a finer piece of Italian art has not been seen since Michelangelo could be commissioned. Named after a bull that earned the coveted title of “Trofeo de la Peña La Madroñera” in 1993 at the Saragossa Arena for its exemplary display of courage “Aventador” is one bad bull. Test drives show the fire breathing monster with its carbon fiber monocoque technology and LP 700-4 power performing with the delicate precision of Marie Taglioni. Lamborghini has jumped headfirst into the future of automotive excellence and you can almost envision the collective triumph that every single person at the factory feels, from the engineers to the janitors, every time they hear that engine tuned better than a piano in an Ennio Morricone score start up. The sensual lines and curvature of the Aventador is enough to make you cover first-graders eyes when one drives past. Every inch of this car has

a purpose, a reason for being there, ultimately contributing to the overall form, speed, and greatness of an automobile that is sure to become an icon like the Miura, Diablo, and Murceliago before it. Sadly, if you want to get your driving glove covered hands on this V12 breathtaking traffic attraction you’ll have to wait. The 2012 Aventador orders have already been made and are sold out. Better luck in 2013. The wait will be well worth it, because as old blue eyes once said, “If you want to be someone you buy a Ferrari – If you are someone you own a Lamborghini.”

Photo Courtesy: Lamborghini

The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Nike Dunk NG Golf Shoe Hardwood style meets the country club in the Nike Dunk NG Golf Shoe. Based on Nike’s classic Dunk basketball shoe, this courseready shoe features a waterproof upper, Scorpion Stinger Spikes for excellent traction, and one of two colorways, each of which is far more interesting than your average FootJoy fare. Price: $130

Steelcase Walkstations It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you that sitting on your can all day isn’t the healthiest of lifestyles, but if your work requires hour after hour of computer time, what else are you to do? Get yourself one of these Steelcase Walkstations. Designed specifically for working while you walk, the Walkstation integrates a treadmill — designed specifically to operate quietly at slow speeds — with an ergonomic, adjustable-height desk, keeping you on your feet and away from the doctor’s office. Price: $4,400 and up

By Ashly Anderson www.almostnerdy.com

Are Hand Held Gaming Devices Dead? Forbes recently wrote an article saying that, in short, Sony is in trouble. Lackluster sales of Sony’s new hand held system, the PS Vita, have raised concerns overseas, leaving many scratching their heads and wondering if this is the end of the portable era. The lack of success is surprising, to say the least. Print and online publicaVisit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

tions alike have showered the Japanese release with praise; mainly focusing on what a complete system it is, despite being a portable device. The system’s launch titles have been met with the same acclaim, with Uncharted: Golden Abyss being the poster child for taking advantage of everything that the system has to offer. I will say that the portable market is a shadow of its former self. Gone are the days where everyone walks around with a GameBoy in their pocket, having replaced it with a smart phone. Cheap

games that offer cheap thrills are what seems to appeal to most gamers, as it gives them something to do while they’re commuting or just need to kill some time while they’re away from their consoles. However, writing off stellar portables like the PS Vita and the Nintendo 3DS is not the way to go. Both systems offer incredibly diverse titles, with unique experiences to match. Instead of dismissing them as a hobby of old, reach out and embrace them as systems that offer new and exciting games for all genres.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

Blitz Funnys

Q: What’s 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: The conga line at a nursing home. Q: What is the difference between a waitress who works in a strip club and a stripper? A: Two weeks.

Photo Courtesy: Artis Rams

Father and Son A man takes his father to the doctor. At the office, the doctor tells the old man, “I’m sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You’ll be dead in a year.” On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says, “Quit all that cryin’! I’m not depressed. I’ve lived 75 great years. How ‘bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with my friends?” So while the guys are having their beers, the old man breaks the news to his friends. “Fellas,” he says, “I’ll be dead in a year ‘cause I got AIDS.” On the way home, his son asks, “Dad, why did you lie to your friends?” His dad replies, “’Cause when I die, I don’t want them trying to screw your mother!”

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Try and resist that your birthday is special. You’re just like everyone else created from a test tube. Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Expressing yourself to your girlfriend might be difficult sometimes, but she can’t read your mind. Break up with her and find a psychic girlfriend. Pisces February 19 – March 20 Remember: Only by eliminating feelings of jealousy and competition can you become as happy and healthy a person as that jackwagon Frank.

Cooking Up Some Cash Several news services reported late December 2011, Chile’s Supreme Court had ordered Grupo Copesa, publisher of La Tercera newspaper, to pay the equivalent of $125,000 USD to readers injured while following a deep-fry dough recipe it had printed. The 11 women and two men burned by the exploding ingredients were to receive from $279 to $48,000 each. Very Cross-Cross Bearers The Associated Press reported December 28, 2011, 100 Greek Armenian Apostolic priests and Monks had battled each other with brooms inside the Church of Nativity. The fight broke out because Greek Orthodox and Armenian clerics share the responsibilities of the church, while each side despises the other. This particular battle began while both sides attempted to deepclean the West Bank church, in preparation for the Orthodox Christmas celebrations in early January. “It was a trivial problem ...,” police Lieutenant-Colonel Khaled al-Tamim explained.

Aries March 21 – April 19 You can no longer deny the strength of your feelings inside you. Nor can the other DART passengers present for your rippling volley of flatulence. Taurus April 20 – May 20 The stars waited a long time to confirm, but it appears as though you were in fact wrong about the iPad being the 8-track of the 70’s. Gemini May 21 – June 21 You have no clue who this Dante guy was, but you sure feel that his circles of Hell would have been better off with a 7-Layer Burrito.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Even though you find pain hilarious, nailing your boss to the wall wasn’t all that funny. Leo July 23 – August 22 Newsflash: Withholding sex won’t be an effective threat this week to get what you want. Just give in! Virgo August 23 – September 22 You’ll once again ignore the voice of reason this week, but that’s mostly due to the earbuds you have on.

ACROSS: 1. Step 6. Not front 10. Short sleeps 14. Urgency 15. Double-reed woodwind 16. Wicked 17. Replaceable 19. Diminish 20. Discouragement 21. L 22. Location 23. Rental agreement 25. Bestow 26. French Sudan 30. Sleeping sickness carrier 32. Pee-pee 35. Snuggled 39. Afternoon nap 40. Hit the sack 41. Pollywog

43. Aerial 44. Bivouac 46. Bobbin 47. Quickly 50. Fangs 53. Sediment 54. Water barrier 55. Large indefinite amount 60. Yachting cap 61. Shorten 63. Reflected sound 64. Parasitic insect 65. Follow as a result 66. University administrator 67. Nonflowering plant 68. Varnish ingredient

He Was His Own 9-1-1 Tampa Bay, Florida, December 30, 2011 - Even if 39-year-old Hubert Lee Credit was beaten up badly by four men, he shouldn’t have stolen an activated TransCare Medical ambulance, while paramedics were inside a house. Soon caught on his way to a hospital, the panicdriven thief faced a charge of auto burglary and grand theft auto.

Libra September 23 – October 22 The cop that pulls you over this week will have a difficult time believing that you’re running late for the “After Christmas Sale” at New Fine Arts. Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Your dreams will be crushed this weekend by the repeated strikes of a sledgehammer against your skull. Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 You’ve never been one to toot your own horn, but that was before you passed out behind the steering wheel.

DOWN: 1. Outbuilding 2. Cab 3. Vipers 4. Bit of gossip 5. Kidney-related 6. Type of snake 7. Mother superior 8. An Irish girl 9. Ship part 10. An open letter 11. Utilize 12. Kind of bean 13. Mixture of rain and snow 18. Coloring agent 24. Consumed food 25. Something of value 26. Be compelled 27. Diva’s solo 28. Misled 29. Official examination 31. Small slender gull

33. Redress 34. After-bath powder 36. Connects two points 37. Sea eagle 38. Trade 42. Palatable 43. Gorilla 45. A part of an association 47. Requested 48. Portion 49. First Greek letter 51. Foot digit 52. Levitate 54. To cast aside (archaic) 56. Eat 57. Young girl 58. Decorative case 59. Observed 62. Dashed

Solution on Page 18

Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An air bag.

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

January 11 – 17, 2012

The CLOSER

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

Box office debacles

Quesada Seleccion Espana Petit Robusto Wrapper: Ecuadorian Arapiraca Binder: Dominican Republic Filler: Dominican Republic Strength: Medium The Seleccion Espana wrapper is minimally veined with a nice oily sheen and has the traditional Cuban triple cap. The flavor is full while maintaining its medium strength. No overwhelming tastes of pepper or spice. It’s a nice stick start to finish. Enjoy with a cold one for a relaxing afternoon!

Liquid Cocaine Ingredients: 1/2 oz Bacardi 151 Rum 1/2 oz Goldschlager Cinnamon Schnapps 1/2 oz Jagermeister Herbal Liqueur

“We make a lot of sh!tty movies. Every one of them breaks my heart.” Such are the words spoken by Universal Studios President, Ron Meyer in a November article on Huffingtonpost, who admitted his studio makes a lot of awful movies. I cannot help but be forced to agree. I saw over 40 films at the box office in 2011 and though I liked a majority of them, I cannot justify seeing them again on Blu-ray or on cable movie stations months from now. I blame my increasingly negative attitude about the amount of crap being released on unnecessary remakes, 3D releases and re-releases. That may not be the only reason why box office attendance in 2011 hit a 16-year low according to an Associated Press article. “There’s so many different ways to get content to the audience,” said Paul Dergarabedian, president of the box office division of Hollywood.com in an ABC news article. “They’re (audiences) pulled in a million different directions. That makes it a very competitive environment. The films have to be that much better otherwise audiences are going to do something else.” Over the holiday break I only saw two films, My Week With Marilyn and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. There were a lot of others I wanted to see but my reason for avoiding the theaters was because I HATE crowds, especially during the holiday season. When I see movies, I like my space and cannot stand it when someone feels compelled to sit near or right next to me when they have the entire theater to decide where to sit. Then there are the inconsiderate assh*les who bring their one-year-old baby to the theater because they are stressed out parents and want to get away, so what better way to tick me or anyone else off than to make us miserable all at once and bring the crying kid along!

Mixing Instructions: Pour ingredients as listed above into a large shot glass and shoot.

Oh how I just can’t get enough of the sounds of all those candy wrappers being torn open! I’d much rather hear the sounds of text messaging (honestly can you really hear that) and ringing cell phones. And no I am not going to tell you which theaters I frequent along with the days I go and exact show times so you jerks (you know who you are) can attend the same ones I go to in hopes of irritating me more. I also have found some independent movies that I really wanted to see were only released at one or two theaters for a week or so where I either didn’t have the time to or feel like making the drive. I just hoped they would they would expand to others within a few weeks. I found that did not happen in the cases of Another Earth, Margin Call, Melancholia, Monsters, Taking Shelter and The Tree of Life. The Artist will probably get a wider release this month because it is a likely contender for the 2012 Oscars. Then there are movies I actually own that still have the wrappings on them that I have watched so often on these stations that I end up kicking myself that I ever spent the money to begin with that include Airport, Battle: Los Angeles, The Social Network, Tron: Legacy and The Towering Inferno. Yet with all my griping, I still have some high hopes 2012 might be a better year at the box office than 2011 with films The Dictator, Gravity, Prometheus, The Raven, Rock of Ages, Snow White and the Huntsman, The Three Stooges and The Woman in Black among them. Notice I haven’t mentioned ANY remakes, sequels, 3D or comic book franchise movies and comic book reboots on this list that I know everyone else will be packing into theaters to see that studios will claim is the reason why the 2012 box office attendance will either be worse or the same as last year’s, if that.

BLITZ salutes the movers, the shakers, the fearless, and the incredible that DFW has to offer. You may not have heard of them yet - but you will.

Name: Abbe Fenimore Team: StudioTen25 Stats: She’s not just an interior designer, she’s the interior designer turning your home into a modern masterpiece, one room at a time. Rethink your style. Strangest place that you have ever found inspiration The interior of fine European cars with their stitching and leather work. Coolest thing that you own A vintage Southern Comfort blender that belonged to my Grandmother Dorothy, who use to own a liquor store and was one tough cookie. My mother gave it to me as a wedding gift.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Weirdest Design Request A client asked for a stripper pole, but I talked him out of it. Your favorite place in Dallas La Duni, they have the best Arnold Palmers and cuatro leches cake in town. Last song that was stuck in your head It was that Taylor Swift song “Picture to Burn,” my husband loves Taylor Swift.

Most unrealistic design TV show HGTV’s Design Star. Most of the stuff would never function. Sitcom with the best set design Gossip Girl & Sex and the City because they are so glamorous, chic, and with it. Worst would be The Young & the Restless. One thing Santa forgot to bring you My Kate Spade Python wedges

Old Slug Porter Brewed by: RCH Brewery ABV: 4.50% This brew pours a dark, murky brown, almost black with a creamy beige head. It leaves some nice lacing too! There’s a hint of chocolate with a mild coffee aroma. The taste has flavors of bitter chocolate and coffee beans, although there are some notes of cherries in the finish. It’s medium bodied and the taste is very smooth.

By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 18

January 11 – 17, 2012

Photo Courtesy: NRK P3

New Guided by Voices Album Keeps It Classic The New Year always brings great possibilities and excitement. The music world is giddy over the reunion album release of Ohio-based band Guided by Voices. Fans know the group as the go-to for late ‘80’s/early ‘90’s college rock in the vein of popular band The Fray, or “Parachutes” era Coldplay. The new release is called Let’s Go Eat the Factory, a title that could be directed at those tangled up in the “machine” of mainstream rock music today. The band has been as famous for its member switches as it has its music, pulling and plugging more faces than Destiny’s Child. In 2012, it’s the “classic” line-up that’s taking on the front for true indie rock, with original vocalist Robert Pollard, Mitch Mitchell on guitar, and Kevin Fennel on drums. What’s most exciting for many fans is the miraculous re-appearance of Tobin Sprout, whose work in the band’s writing and engineering (much of their early work was recorded in Sprout’s home studio) helped to define their characteristic “lo-fi” sound. They’ve come together again to prove to young fans of such indie pop/rock powerhouses as Death Cab for Cutie and Vampire Weekend that melancholy rock had it’s real start when they were singing with Barney. The album begins with a riff that gives the feel of entering some sort of Spielberg greaser film: rebellious, fuzzy, and worn, like sonic leather. That “Americano” sound passes through

By Mateeka Lanee’ mateekalanee.wordpress.com

all 21 tracks from Let’s Go Eat the Factory and is primarily what weaves it together. The band stays true to its low-fidelity sound, that distinctive audio quality that coincidentally defined them previously, to similiar results. The instrumentation has the quality of a high school garage band. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s been that material that has gained Guided by Voices its devoted fanbase, and for these people, the album is sure not to disappoint. While the 42-minute disk could be better suited as coffeehouse background music at times rather than the soundtrack to a spring break road trip, there are tracks that remind us of what we loved so much about the group in the first place. Some of the best tracks are those reminiscent of earlier work. There are golden tracks, including “Imperial Horseracing”, whose outro is something of a motorcycle anthem, and the cinematic “Wave.” “Spiderfighter” has a deft piano ending that delicately melts the track with “Hang Mr. Kite” that follows. “Go Rolling Home” has a tinge of nationalistic flair, with its primary melody reminding listeners of that New Year’s Eve pub song no one knows the words to, “Auld Lang Syne,” that asks the question “should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?” It is these moments of genius, placed just so throughout the album, that can carry even half-hearted listeners through to the end.

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook