Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

ON DECK WATCH AND LEARN By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha he news from the sports world was downright frustrating this week. When you have the opportunity to survey an incident from the cheap seats, you have the time to mull over every detail and form an educated opinion. This week, everything I read and analyzed can be summed up in a single George Bernard Shaw quote, “We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.” First, over in Fort Worth the TCU community watched as roughly 18 of their own were arrested for allegedly selling marijuana and other drugs to undercover officers. This was of course a mess because four of the arrested are members of their football team. There simply isn’t enough column space to fully delve into the reasons that these kids thought they could pull off a Soprano-like country club empire. Or why they continued to deal after testing positive for drugs just a few weeks earlier? Or why the press conference was littered with TCU football helmets when only a few players were involved? This was a pure and simple drug case, but it garnered national attention because the University and players started believing their own press. Last year Sports Illustrated ran a piece on the team that praised them for being the only team in the top 25 to have players without an arrest record. There is nothing wrong with being praised for having an exceptional standing, but if you position yourself as pristine and immaculate program there’s is a very likely chance that someone is eventually going to foul up and cause embarrassment. Using perfection as a recruiting tool to ease the minds of parents is eventually going to backfire. Speaking of things we know that will surely backfire...did you see the awful ESPN headline about Jeremy Lin? Out of respect I’ll just say that an Asian racial slur that rhymes with ‘blink’ was used to reference the breakout star. How in the world did this slip through? After all of the criticism and controversies involving ESPN personalities and the sexual harassment claims, it is baffling that this keeps occurring.

T SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Health News 4 Lonely Celebrations 5 2012 NASCAR Preview 5 Mavericks News 6 Stars News 7 UFC 144 8 COVER STORY DFW Independent Leagues 9-11 BLITZ BABE OF THE WEEK Amber 12 BLITZ ENTERTAINMENT Skrillex 13 Seven Things in Seven Days 13 Restaurant Review 14 Make Annoying Things Fun 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Hollywood Profile 15 Movie Review 15 Auto Review 16 Gadgets 16 Joystick 16 BLITZ FUNNYS Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 THE CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Whitney Factor 18 2-Minute Drill 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed

Editor C. Patterson

Graphic Designer Damien Mayfield

Photo Editor Darryl Briggs

Cover Photographer Darryl Briggs Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Judy Chamberlain, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith, Jesse Whitman Contributing Photographers Keith Allison, Roger Barker, Bruno Bollaert, Joshua Bousel, Mink Couteaux, David Fish, Julie Kertesz, Dan Le, Dave Lichterman, Mike Nusbaum, Brennan Schnell, Asterio Tecson, Blake Zipoy, GasBombGirl, Jason, Memphis and 53rd, Mrachina, tanakawho, xploitme Contributing Writers Ashly Anderson, Brian Beard, Bruce Cameron, Keysha Hogan, Mateeka Lanee, Johnny Reeves, Aeryn Ripley, Darnell Scribes, Joe Stumpo, Blake Zipoy

BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

Photo Courtesy: Mink Couteaux

After 32 years in the news business, and all that trial by fire, they should have the one of the toughest editorial processes around. This week, I suppose I was most disturbed by how familiar this all felt. How may times have we seen athletes, celebrities, politicians and even institutions put on a holier-than-thou image only to be publicly bashed back down to Earth? And can you even count the number of times someone has been raked over the coals for dropping the N-word, or being wildly inappropriate in matters of race? Maybe we are incapable from learning from other’s mistakes. It seems that we are doomed to relearn the same lessons because we lack first hand experience. And watching the same stories play out, time and time again, is exasperating. Let’s not follow down the same road. So, I kindly ask that you all please watch the news, read our paper and enjoy the spectacle but remember that all the world is a stage and also a classroom, where you can witness the best and worst ways to handle any situation.

‘High’ Note - R&B singer and son of Alan Thick, Robin Thick was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to “smoke’em if ya got’em” last week. The husband of the ultra-sexy Paula Patton was cuffed in Manhattan near Madison Square Park. No need to worry about it though, YAY, YOU’RE FAMOUS! we hear Robin’s dad told SO YOUR CELLMATES him it was just one of those WILL KNOW YOUR NAME! Growing Pains.

Kim Kardashian @KimKardashian

Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it. Hebrews 13:2 (This is a Kim Kardashian Bible quote #signsoftheApocolypse)

Necrophilia Anyone? - Famed Beverly Hills fashion designer Bijan will have some questions to answer in court, but that may be difficult. What’s the problem? Bijan died last year. Apparently death won’t stop his former assistant from suing him for sexual harassment Brittany Anderson who referred to him as “a sexual terror”. Congrats to Bijan on becoming our first posthumous bad boy. The competition is pretty stiff. FOLLOW BLITZ WEEKLY ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24 Photo Courtesy: tanakawho

HEART OF THE MATTER HEART HEALTH MONTH IS EVERY MONTH By Mika Bradford CN, CPhT – www.rattleandhumsports.com or many of us the month of February is fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy foods, cut best known for cupid’s swift yet some- back on foods that are high in saturated fat, times-bittersweet appearance on Valen- cholesterol, and total fat. It is suggested that tine’s Day. Chocolates and candies in all we eat fish, poultry, nuts, whole grains and shapes and sizes accompanied with cork foods that are rich in magnesium, potassium, bursting bottles of bubbly can be found in and calcium. Here are a few heart healthy abundance this time of year. As the “eat foods, the nutrients they are rich in and ideas drink and be merry season” from Thanksgiv- on how you can incorporate them into your ing through Valentine’s Day comes to a close day. it’s the perfect time to spread the word that February is also Heart Health month. Con- HEART HEALTHY FOODS Salmon - omega-3 fatty acids. Can be sidering we put so much emphasis on giving grilled, eaten alone or in salads. our heart to those people that we love the most, I wanted to give you some ideas on Flaxseed (ground) - omega-3 fatty ways to keep your heart healthy for years to acids, fiber, and phytoestrogens. Ground come. Staying healthy and fit is the best gift flaxseed hides easily in all sorts of you could ever give yourself! foods -- yogurt parfaits, morning cereal, First, you have to be able to recognize homemade muffins, or cookies. what common characteristics are known to negatively impact heart health and contribute Oatmeal - omega-3 fatty acids, to cardiovascular disease. Some people can magnesium, potassium, folate, niacin, be genetically predisposed for cardiovascucalcium, soluble fiber. Oatmeal-and-raisin lar disease but lifestyle and how you live your cookies are a hearty treat. life on a daily basis ultimately is the determining factor. Lack of physical activity, increased Black or Kidney Beans - B-complex stress, being overweight, poor food choices, vitamins, niacin, folate, magnesium, genetic Influences, elevated cholesterols, omega-3 fatty acids, calcium, soluble and high blood pressure and high blood sugar all fiber. directly impact cardiovascular functioning. Activities that include drug use, smoking and Brown Rice - B-complex vitamins; fiber; excessively consuming alcoholic beverages niacin; magnesium, fiber. all increase the bodies need for additional antioxidants that can be found in fruits, vegCarrots - Alpha-carotene (a carotenoid); etables and dietary supplements. fiber. A sedentary lifestyle lacking physical activity can directly decrease blood circulaSpinach - Lutein (a carotenoid), tion and contribute to weight gain. Stress B-complex vitamins, folate, magnesium, on the other hand can increase blood prespotassium, calcium and fiber. Pick spinach sure, blood sugar and create inflammation as a nutrient-packed substitute for salads throughout the body which leads to the inand sandwiches. creased production of free radicals. Free radicals are molecules that can cause oxidaBroccoli - Beta-carotene (a carotenoid), tive stress which increases a person’s need Vitamins C and E, potassium, folate, for antioxidants. Antioxidants are nutrients calcium and fiber. like vitamins C and E that are found in fruits, vegetables and other healthy food choices. Red Bell Peppers - Beta-carotene and Having diabetes also increases your risk for lutein (carotenoids); B-complex vitamins, acquiring cardiovascular disease. folate, potassium, fiber. Grilled or ovenDietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension roasted. Delicious in wraps, salads, also known as the “DASH” diet suggest that sandwiches. we change how we look at food and what we eat. It is suggested that people eat more

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

LONELY CELEBRATIONS HAS ANYONE SEEN TIGER? By Darnell Scribes – myboxseat@gmail.com

t’s hard to believe at one point that it was over 700 days between the time Tiger Woods crashed his Cadillac that mysterious morning in 2009 until his next win at the Chevron World Challenge. Regarded by many as arguably the greatest golfer of all-time before he reached the age of 35, partly due to the fact that he was solely responsible for rebirthing the sport and introducing it to a new generation and social class previously not welcomed and generally not interested. Tiger had all that a man could ask for in this natural life. He was extremely wealthy, had a beautiful wife and family, at the pinnacle of his profession, and perhaps most importantly respected and adored by the public. When Tiger Woods slipped his arms into those green blazers we all felt like it was champagne and cigar time. The winners comfort zone. Every major award given out Tiger had won a record number of times. The crowds that followed him showered him with praise. Then as ‘The Preppers” would say he experienced his own personal “Teotwawki”( the end of the world

as we know it). Now Tiger struggles to make tournament cuts, can’t seem to balance his swing with his putting, and resembles almost nothing of his former self. The beautiful wife is now an ex who walked away with a huge chunk of the fortune he amassed along with his children. The crowds are there but the praise has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of heckling and jeers. Even the caddy he shared most of his victorious 18th hole walks with is now gone. Leaving him with lonely celebrations. The problem is those celebrations are now few and far between. At this year’s Pebble Beach Pro Am, after starting hot putting him strongly in the hunt for the title, Tiger tanked. He uncharacteristically took three putts on the seventh followed by consecutive bogeys. It was then that I formulated my theory (crazy as it may seem) I believe Tiger doesn’t want to win. I mean, hear me out, that somewhere in the back of his mind Tiger is not comfortable right now in the role of the tournament’s winner. There is no other reason for him to look so shabby on Sunday to

lose these games. It has been several times, as I watched his play, where it appears as if he turns it off and goes through the motions. Sure he is still the competitor who matches the tenacity of the animal in which he got his nickname but something is definitely different. I think it has everything to do with the fact that he is not sure how to feel after winning. Muscle memory is important in not only the skills you use to play the game but also the social skills that you use to deal with the outcome of the game. Tiger has no one close in his life to even share a victory with. No one is there to hug him, tell him good job or I love you. In Tiger’s life all of these people have to be recreated along with a new bond. Everyone cheers for the “you almost could’ve done it loser” a role that Tiger Woods has picked up as of late. In my opinion the safe, easy way out so that he won’t have to deal with the real emotions of a lonely celebration. Hopefully he finds his inner championship parade and learns to enjoy being the best no matter who’s there to toast with you in the end.

Photo Courtesy: xploitme

GENTLEMEN START YOUR ADRENALINE 2012 NASCAR BEGINS By Bruce Cameron – cameronlpc@sbcglobal.net

he Great American Race” and “The Super Bowl of NASCAR” are popular names for the first NASCAR race of the year. No matter what you call it the 2012 Daytona 500 is the biggest, most-prestigious event on the 2012 NASCAR Sprint Cup schedule. With a continued tough economy, what will the 2012 NASCAR season offer to stay competitive? The spring Daytona 500 is the debut of every NASCAR season. Fans new and old anticipate new color schemes, sponsorship changes and maybe some new faces on the track. The track was repaved in 2010 and the 2011 Daytona 500 introduced a new type of two-by-two restrictor plate racing. Two cars running nose-to-tail could run significantly faster than the large packs that have characterized racing at Daytona and Talladega for so many years. On his second NASCAR start, at 20 years and one day old, Trevor Bayne won last year’s Daytona race, albeit a miracle, but a victory nonetheless. This victory inserted a breath of life into the Wood Brothers Racing team and jettisoned this young man’s racing career. However, others have noted that the young Bayne is not the Tim Tebow of NASCAR. Have you noticed that the race was delayed one week this year? The race weekend is pushed one week back from the traditional

Photo Courtesy: Roger Barker

President’s Day weekend to the last weekend in February. The date for the Daytona 500 is now February 26, 2012. To maintain the end of season schedule, the off Sprint Cup weekend typically scheduled in March will be cancelled. Tony Stewart, winner of the 2011 Sprint Cup will no doubt be a major focal point for media and fans. Where Paul Wall is the People’s Champ for rappers in Houston, Tony

Stewart is the People’s Champ for NASCAR fans. Stewart is a three-time Cup winner. Stewart shook off a slow start in 2011 to come back and win the title. He shows a quick wit, spunk and a somewhat petulant attitude making Stewart so fun to follow. Fantasy race fans can always rely on Tony to finish well in long tracks and win some surprise victories along the way. Tony has replaced Darian Grubb with Steve Addington as his

crew chief. Also Danica Patrick is part of the organization as a part time Cup driver this year. After a good 2011 season, Dale Earnhardt Jr. hopes to do even better this season. He finished seventh in points in 2011. This is his best points finish since coming in fifth in 2006. Jr.’s last Cup win was in 2008. How many more years can this guy under-perform and have sponsorship and a fan base? Time will tell. Carl Edwards is another driver to watch. He finished second in driver standings last year, giving Tony Stewart a total run for the money. He let his points lead slip away in the final race at Homestead in 2011 and lost to Stewart in a tiebreaker. Edwards will come out swinging this year hoping to finally capture a Sprint Cup victory. Daytona qualifying is a bit tricky, as it uses the TOP 35 rule. This rule is simply the Top 35 cars based on the year before owner’s points automatically qualify for the race. There are 43 cars that can run in the race. Thirty-five cars automatically qualify so there are 8 spots to qualify for the race. There are 14 cars fighting for 8 positions. This is what makes Daytona qualifying exciting to see who will earn the right to race. The Daytona 500 is definitely worth watching. Let’s see what NASCAR looks like for 2012. The race is Sunday at noon, on Fox.

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FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24 Photos Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

UPCOMING SCHEDULE: 2/22 LAKERS 8:30 P.M. ALL-STAR BREAK 2/28 NETS 7:30 P.M.

ON THE UP SWING DESPITE KNICKS #LINNING, MAVS ARE SURGING By Geoff Case – @geoffcase DIRK FINDING HIS GROOVE Dirk Nowtizki is starting to return to the Finals MVP form that everybody witnessed a few short months ago. While the Mavs might have stumbled in their Sunday afternoon game against the Knicks they have to be stoked about the way Nowitzki has been playing. The Knicks ended the Mavericks’ six-game winning streak. During Friday’s game against the 76ers was the point where Nowitzki began his sudden explosion. He finished with 28 points and 12 rebounds but he took over early in the third, knocking down shots from awkward angles and sinking the type of clutch shots worthy of the star player on the defending NBA champions. “I had a couple go in, and we all know when a shooter sees a couple go in, the confidence goes up,” Nowitzki said. “I knew in the second half I was going to come out and keep firing. I’m glad they went in.” The German is starting to get into a groove that the rest of the NBA is all too familiar with. Against the Knicks, Dirk Nowitzki scored a season-high 34 points who simply looked awesome down the stretch. The Mavericks turn into a welloiled championship caliber team when Dirk’s offense is at a high level but it can get ugly when he’s off. The Mavericks had to have been wondering if Dirk’s age was finally catching up to him at the beginning of the season. He looked out of shape and his legs clearly were not in his shots. They even shut him down for a few games this season because his knee was swelling. The last few games clearly prove that Dirk Nowitzki is still a force to be reckoned with. YOUNG GUYS MAKING HEADWAY Dominique Jones got another shot to show he’s improved his game with Dallas missing three guards Friday night against the VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

Sixers. Jones impressed with a strong first half in which he was the Mavs’ leading scorer with seven of his season-high 12 points. He was 5-of-9 from the field and one of just three Mavs to score in double figures. Jones’ jumper is still in need of major improvement but his penetration skills and passing ability brought a different dimension to the Mavs. He was actively cutting to the basket and reading passing lanes correctly. While Jones may not get much playing time this season, the Mavs can rely on him in short stints. Brandan Wright is pushing his way to becoming the backup to Brendan Haywood. Wright, who started the season rarely getting to play, is routinely logging more minutes than Ian Mahinmi. In fact, in Friday’s win over the Sixers, Wright played more minutes than Haywood and Mahinmi combined, finishing with eight points, four rebounds and two blocks in 24 minutes. His athleticism and relentless mindset on the boards is winning Rick Carlisle over. He’s also got the ability to create sensational dunks that get the home crowd going. It’s clear that Brandan Wright has found a home with the Mavs. WEST OUT WITH BROKEN FINGER Delonte West has fractured his right ring finger. West fractured and dislocated his finger while trying to make a defensive play about halfway through the second quarter last Wednesday night against Denver. It was an ugly injury with blood clearly visible. The Mavericks said West wouldn’t return to the game and that it was unclear how many games he will miss. It will be a tough loss for the Mavs, West arguably had been the most impactful new addition to the team thus far. His defense and clutch shot making will be sorely missed as the Mavs are already dealing with injuries at the guard position.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

Photo Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

UPCOMING SCHEDULE: 2/23 @BLACKHAWKS 7:30 P.M. 2/24 WILD 7:30 P.M. 2/26 CANUCKS 2:00 P.M.

Dallas Polo Club

LE A R N T O P L AY P O L O

SEEING THE BIG PICTURE STARS SHOULD FOCUS ON FUTURE

NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

By Tony Barone – tbarone@blitzweekly.com

he Dallas Stars are more than halfway into the season and their only consistency is that they are an inconsistent team. They aren’t good enough to compete for the Stanley Cup, but they haven’t given up hopes of making the playoffs, either. One night they look capable of making the playoffs, behind strong goaltending from Kari Lehtonen and just enough key plays at the right moments like an overtime goal from Mike Ribeiro that made ESPN’s top 10 plays in a 3-2 win over Calgary. Then there are other nights where they struggle to score a big goal or finish off an opponent to get a win. With the trade deadline still weeks away and the team fighting like mad for the eighth and final playoff spot in the West, Stars GM Joe Nieuwendyk made a roster move which seems to indicate the organization is going to take a “patience” attitude and build for the future. The Stars shipped 27-year-old star defenseman Nicklas Grossman to the Philadelphia Flyers for a 2012 second-round pick and a 2013 third-round pick. Grossman was scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent July 1.

opportunity in the future. Nieuwendyk’s first priority has to be making this team better for next season and the seasons after that. If he can satisfy that goal and his current team still makes the playoff, that’s great. But he can’t get into a make-the-playoffs-this-season-at-allcosts mindset right now. GM Joe has identified some of the core players he believes will help lead the Stars to contention in the future. The headliner of that group is Jamie Benn. The club’s best player is just 22 years old and should only get better. Goalie Lehtonen is also part of that group, as is Defensemen Alex Goligoski and Trevor Daley, both of whom have long-term deals with the club. So does Loui Eriksson, a 26-year-old forward with plenty of skill.

“We all want to make the playoffs and would like to think this team has the character to make a push for the playoffs,” Nieuwendyk said, “but I also have a responsibility to have discussions with teams, and I think you have to keep an eye on the future.” In other words: If there’s a deal that makes sense for the club, Nieuwendyk won’t be afraid to make it, even if it appears to sacrifice something in the short term. For a team in danger of missing the postseason party for a fourth consecutive season, it might sound odd to advocate patience. But that’s what is needed now. Making a move or two to bolster the current club at the price of some young talent won’t help create a big winning window of

Photo Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

Now the club must get some more pieces around them in the form of hungry, young players with upside and a few veterans who can help hold everything together. And exercise patience, even if it means no playoff hockey in the Big D for yet another year. FOLLOW BLITZ WEEKLY ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

UFC 144

EDGAR VS. HENDERSON By Brian Beard comments@blitzweekly.com

Frankie “The Answer” Edgar (14-1-1) vs. Benson “Smooth” Henderson (15-2-0):

Damn! This fight will be great! Edgar is a great fighter with tremendous footwork. He is also a very good wrestler. Henderson is a phenomenal athlete that is very explosive. He has great wrestling and outstanding striking. Henderson is more versatile of a striker and that will be his advantage. He will push the pace. Edgar is very elusive though and will be tough to land a good shot on. This fight is really tough to call. I don’t see anyone getting the finish here and neither will tire quickly. I think Henderson has more in the gas tank and a more diverse game. I see him winning a split decision in an all out war! He will be the champion.

Photo Courtesy: xploitme

UFC 144

Saturday, February 25 – 9PM

WATCH IT AT:

Photo Courtesy: Dan Le

Rampage Jackson (32-9-0) vs. Ryan “Darth” Bader (14-2-0):

This could be a good one! Rampage ALWAYS comes to fight. He will not back down from anyone and is a world-class fighter. His boxing is very good and he has a lot of power. He also has good takedowns but don’t expect him to land on top of Bader. Bader is an exceptional wrestler who has really sharpened his boxing game. He throws crisp powerful punches. I don’t think he has improved enough to stand with Rampage though. I see the first round staying on the feet for the majority of the round. Bader may score a late takedown. Bader will look for the takedown time and time again in the second. I think he will be able to secure it and win the round. I see the third round being much like the second and Bader will win the decision 29-28. Rampage will give a great post fight interview.

Mark “Super Samoan” Hunt (7-7-0) vs. Cheick Kongo (27-6-2):

What’s the point here? Hunt has won his last two, but come on this cat does not stand a chance. Kongo is also coming off of a two fight win streak but he is much more in his prime than the 37year old Hunt. Hunt used to beat up on cats in Japan where there were no weight classes in his particular fights. He used to be a good, powerful striker but he has lost his luster. Kongo seems to be rounding his game fairly well. I see him winning the stand up, but if need be he can secure the takedown and force a ground fight. I think Kongo dominates this fight from start to finish and barring a huge and lucky punch from Hunt, Kongo, the statue wins easily. I say Round 1 via TKO via ground and pound!

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TRIGGER MORTIS

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

BIG D SPORTS FLAG FOOTBALL & KICKBALL What’s the most memorable moment playing for Big D? Winning a kickball championship and then winning the karaoke contest right after it. What’s the best way to get involved? Just email them and say, “I’d like to kickball, are there any teams that I can get on?” Or “I’d like to play kickball, are there any teams that I can get on?” Big D is really good about placing people on teams where they are able to get playing time and in an age range where they can find people that they can relate to. GET INVOLVED: www.bigDfun.com If you are looking for fun, this is the place! Big D Sports & Entertainment is a locally owned and operated company striving to make your Dallas experience meaningful. MAILING ADDRESS: 6119 Greenville Ave #139, Dallas, Texas 75206 PHYSICAL ADDRESS: 2701 Fondren Ste 139, Dallas, Texas 75206 Sara@bigDsports.com

MATT VAN ALSTYNE

CHELSEA BAIRD

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

WORLD ADULT KICKBALL ASSOCIATION How often you guys play? My league is in The Colony and we’re referenced as Texas Freedom and we play on Wednesday nights every week starting at 7:30pm. Some leagues play on Sunday, some play on Tuesdays, and others play on Thursdays. What’s the biggest misconception about kickball that you’ve encountered? That it’s an easy sport to play and that there’s a lot of skepticism as far as people that want to sign up because they think it’s a kid’s game. GET INVOLVED: www.dfwkickball.com There are six leagues in the Dallas area and another four in Fort Worth, plus a dodgeball league in each town, 12 leagues over all. Summer registration starts in April! For additional information contact Matt at mvanalstyne@kickball.com

ASSASSINATION CITY (WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ASSOCIATION) Why should someone join the WFTDA? One of the reasons is that it boosts your confidence as a person and gives you the knowledge that you can do anything that you want. It creates the superhero version of you. Roller derby will get you in the most amazing shape of your life because it really focuses on athleticism. And you will be gaining 150 best friends. We have 175 skaters in the league and I can call on any one of those girls to have my back if I ever needed help. How often do you ladies play? We play once a month at Fair Park Coliseum starting February 25th. GET INVOLVED: www.wftrda.com/join • Your league’s competitors are women only, and skate on quad skates only. • Your league is 51% owned by league skaters. • Your league is governed by democratic principles and practices. • Your league is managed by at least 67% league skaters. • You’re actively playing the sport—you play at least four flat track roller derby bouts per year.

For more information contact Luna Tick Tick Boom at recruiting@acderby.com

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DALLAS PANTHERS (NORTH TEXAS AMATEUR BASEBALL ASSOCIATION) Being a former pro-athlete (’99 Boston Red Sox Draft Pick) what was one of the biggest reasons to become a part of the NTABA? One of the biggest reasons is the competition level. We’re the most competitive league in the Dallas area from the standpoint of we have the most ex-professional, ex-division one college athletes coming into our league. It does not matter your skill level, we have a division or team that we can match your skill level with to have what we ultimately aspire towards…to have great fun. Another huge reason is the structure. Believe it or not there is an affiliation with a lot of area fields and the league has a director of umpires that pays them and regulates their performance. We pay upfront in our league and it’s an all-inclusive environment. The league runs itself. A lot of the other leagues you have to bring cash to the field to pay the umpires, you have to bring your own balls. Our league is much more structured. GET INVOLVED: www.dallasmsbl.com DIVISIONS: (Open and 25+ plays twice a week, 35 & 45 once a week) • Open – Most competitive division for people 18 years old and over • 25+ - Good place to start if you are over 25 and may want to move into the open division • 35+ - For those who are 35 years old or older • 45+ - For those who are 45 years old or older • Rookie Ball – this is for any age that has not played in 5 or 10 years and really want to play a few games to see if baseball is something they want to do. Really good division to kick the tires on playing again.

Tryout/Draft (everyone is placed on a team): Feb. 25th and March 3rd For more information: contactus@dallasmsbl.com VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

BIG D SPORTS: SOFTBALL & FLAG FOOTBALL What’s one thing you didn’t know about the league when you started? I definitely didn’t know it’s almost like a giant family. Everyone knows each other in some form or fashion whether you’re the flag football or the softball guy or it’s hey I’ve seen you out at kickball a hand full of times. It becomes this large group of people that trust each other and end up working together all the time. How often do you play? During a busy season I usually play about four nights a week – three softball, one flag football. GET INVOLVED: www.bigDfun.com If you are looking for fun, this is the place! Big D Sports & Entertainment is a locally owned and operated company striving to make your Dallas experience meaningful. MAILING ADDRESS: 6119 Greenville Ave #139, Dallas, Texas 75206 PHYSICAL ADDRESS: 2701 Fondren Ste 139, Dallas, Texas 75206 Sara@bigDsports.com

JACKIE LATION

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

MARCUS MURPHEE

JASON BOTTENFIELD

DALLAS DERBY DEVILS (WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ASSOCIATION)

Why join the roller derby? Roller derby will absolutely change your life. The sisterhood, the friends y make, the athleticism and strategy involved... The entire experience is jus than anyone could ever understand who has not been involved in this am sport. The Dallas Derby Devils are one of the largest leagues in the WFTD South Central region. We are the original all female flat track roller derby in the DFW Metroplex and are welcoming women (and now junior girls 11-17!) of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds to join us. We hold “Fresh tryouts once every three months. Our next upcoming tryout is on Februar

What’s the biggest misconception about roller derby in your opinion? We are not just a bunch of tattooed freaks running around in fishnets putt a show. I may be tattooed, but can proudly tell you that I have NEVER sk fishnets or worn any sort of tutu/lingerie on the track. After as much train goes in to preparing for game night, I am there to bring my A game... N around in a tutu. We have women who skate with our league who have doing this for eight years now; these ladies mean business and are not m around. GET INVOLVED: www.wftrda.com/join • • • • •

Your league’s competitors are women only, and skate on quad skates only. Your league is 51% owned by league skaters. Your league is governed by democratic principles and practices. Your league is managed by at least 67% league skaters. You’re actively playing the sport—you play at least four flat track roller derb per year.

For more information contact June Carter Crash General Manager at gm@derbydevils.com

y bouts

GET INVOLVED: www.npsfl.com Interested in joining the National Public Safety Football League? Please call 718-319-2285 or email them at communications@npsfl.com

What would be three reasons to join Champagne Volleyball? Competition, definitely fun, and there’s a great social aspect to the league. You meet a lot of cool people with similar interests. What are some misconceptions you’ve heard about volleyball? Being a former football player, the misconception is that it’s a “girl’s sport”. It’s a lot more aggressive than a lot of people realize. And for the guys during the summer that aren’t playing they are missing out on a great opportunity to see a lot of girls in bikinis. GET INVOLVED: www.champagnevolleyball.com Please fill out the Singles Submission form to be added to the singles list. For more information contact Rob at RobWest@ChampagneVolleyball.com Champagne Volleyball Mailing address: 160 E Vista Ridge Mall Dr. 1634 Lewisville TX 75067

SF ROSE PHILLIES (PLANO LEAGUE) BASEBALL What’s the biggest thing about the league that you did not know prior to starting? I did not expect them to have as good of players as they do. Coming from playing baseball in college, I took three or fours years off and thought I was just going to come in and dominate and have MVP trophies everywhere. It took me about three years to get back to where I was. How often do you play? Two times a week unless we have a tournament. GET INVOLVED: www.plano.gov During the spring season (March-August), teams may register for either an open division (22 games) or a 35-and-Over division (16 games). During the fall season (August-November), teams may register for an Open division only (16 games). All teams in both seasons will advance to a double-elimination playoff tournament. Anyone wanting to play baseball (Wood Bat League) tryouts are next Saturday, February 25th at Carpenter Park in Plano – 5701 N Coit – at 12:00pm. There will be several teams looking to add players. Please RSVP at aggienick1@yahoo.com or call the city of Plano adult sports at 972-941-7278

JOHN KIRKPARICK

What sets your league, the NPSFL, apart? Well, everyone who is put on the field has to be a fulltime aid whether it’s police, fire, EMS, or correctional officer. In certain states the exception to that is probation officers and parole officers, but they have to be commissioned. So you have to be fulltime paid public safety. We all volunteer our time and all of the money goes to charity. Each team has one or several charities that they work with in their communities. The Dallas Defenders help with Children’s Hospital out in Plano and a national organization called CureSearch. Our biggest charity that we give to is the Guns & Hoses Foundation, which is a benevolent fund for police officers and firefighters who have lost their life in the line of duty.

CHAMPAGNE VOLLEYBALL INDOOR / OUTDOOR VOLLEYBALL

BILL KELLY & JOSH CLAUDIO

ting on kated in ning that Not frolic been messing

DALLAS DEFENDERS (NATIONAL PUBLIC SAFETY FOOTBALL LEAGUE)

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

TOM STARCK

you will st more mazing DA’s y league ages Meat” y 26th.

KEVIN SOUDER

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

North Texas Longhorns (Texas United Football League) (not pictured)

Why should someone join the Longhorns? The professionalism on the team, we take care of our players, and our reputation for sportsmanship. What’s your most memorable moment coaching the Longhorns? Probably winning my 2008 TUFL championship, that was the year that my mom passed away so being able to win the championship that year was the most satisfying. GET INVOLVED: www.tuflfootball.com If you are a player over the age of 18 and looking to play for the North Texas Longhorns football please contact Coach John Kirkpatrick at coachjohn@ northtexaslonghorns.com

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FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

BLITZ BABE OF THE WEEK

VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

SKRILLEX: A DJ HERO BUT IT’S PROVOCATIVE, IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING! By Mateeka Lanee’ – mateekalanee.wordpress.com

he name of 23-year-old Skrillex first hit my ears from the mouth of my 16-year-old sister, which is probably the reason it went in one and out the other. “But he’s God!” Well, there’s another. Then I happened upon a ukulele cover on YouTube of the popular track “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites” from the L.Abased producer, whose legal name is Sonny Moore, and was reeled in. Skrillex is the common law King of Dubstep music, techno’s transgender kid brother. The genre is defined by its altered synthesizers, multi-layered electronic instrumentals and a level of bass sound all but unknown to most other forms of trendy dance music. With his latest EP, Bangarang, Skrillex takes that definition and rewrites it, proving once more his reign over the music as a whole. At a mere seven tracks in length and running time of just over half an hour, Bangarang is a ninja kick in the pants: in and out before you realize you’ve even been hit. The album features such artists as British singer Ellie Goulding, Wolfgang Gartner and a special appearance by The Doors, on the electro-hippie track “Break’n A Sweat.” Bangarang is all about instrumental genre-mixing, something Skrillex has already perfected. On “Right on Time”, he collaborates with another figure of Dubstep royalty, 12th Planet, to create a track that moves from heavy techno to pseudohouse and then to hip-hop in a little over four minutes. On “Kyoto”, L.A raptress

Photos Courtesy: Dave Lichterman & Mike Nusbaum

Sirah lends a grungy verse to a Rave beat that flirts with bits of Bollywood melody, guitar riffs, 808 kicks and robot vocal excerpts. The young DJ mastermind that is Skrillex hails from a previous hardcore band called From First to Last, for whom he sang (or, rather, screamed) vocals for two albums. Upon listening to his current work, the elements of hardcore music are a clear influence, as intense vocals and

guitars are replaced with manic digital instrumentation, particularly on tracks like the album’s opener, “Right In,” and the one that shares the EP’s title. That heavy emotion translates to a distinct, raw sound, one which can be lost to some unaccustomed to it. When I came singing the praises of this album to one of my coworkers recently, I was about as surprised as my sister must have been when she told me: “I like to

listen to real music.” For hipsters, square dancers and Billy Joel fans, Dubstep won’t make much sense: computer-generated sounds set to a standard pop music tempo. There are no great epiphanies, no witty lyrics, no “real” emotion therein. But when Bangarang comes blasting through the ceilings at the Lizard Lounge, or through the earbuds on my iPod, I get a warm rush, and sometimes that’s all we want our music to give us.

Photo Courtesies: Keith Allison, Bruno Bollaert, Jason, Mrachina, Joshua Bousel, sportsandsocial, Brennan Schnell

WED. 2/22

DASH DOWN GREENVILLE 5K CENTRAL MARKET Greenville Ave. – Dallas Put your sneakers by the door and set your alarm – it’s racing time! The Social Run Series is sponsoring this FREE run so bring the group. There’ll be giveaways and contests too. 6:30pm.

THURS. 2/23

HOCKEY & HEELS American Airlines Center – Dallas Ladies, this one is for you and you only. There will be wine, fashion, and the Dallas Stars. Tour the facilities and the locker room (winkwink) and get two tickets to a future game. Tickets $70. 6pm.

FRI. 2/24

MONSTER JAM UTI – Irving Let’s go smash some cars! Come out and see “Grave Digger” pulverize every other thing on four wheels. Enjoy music, prizes, food, and games. Wa-hoo! 10am.

SAT. 2/25

B.B. KING Billy Bobs – Fort Worth The master of the blues will let Lucile sing live at Billy Bobs this Saturday night. A true living legend that you don’t want to miss. But I’m sure Mr. King won’t have a problem rustling up a crowd. 10:30pm.

SUN. 2/26

NBA ALL-STAR GAME WATCH PARTY Frankie’s on McKinney Ave. – Dallas Watch the best of the best in the NBA hit the hardwood from one of two gazillion screens at Frankie’s and stuff your face with some of the best wings in Big D. 7pm.

MON. 2/27

DROPKICK MURPHYS House of Blues – Dallas Celebrate St. Patty’s day early with the Dropkick Murphys at the HOB. We may be going out on a limb here but there may be a we bit of Kellys, O’Briens, O’Connells, and Maguire in the house. 7pm.

TUES. 2/28

MAVS VS. NETS American Airlines Center – Dallas Watch Dirk and the Mavs drop Kris Humphries faster than a Kardashian divorce attorney. I wonder if Khloe will be in attendance for this one? Remember when he use to play for us? 7:30pm.

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FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

CORINNE’S CATFISH DRIVE THRU SOUTHERN STYLE By Blake Zipoy – bzipoy@hotmail.com

n interesting thing happened on the way home from work. Have you ever been stuck with the unenviable task of having to pick up dinner, but are sick and tired of the same old burgers and tacos? Imagine for a moment an old southern kitchen. Your grandma is busily mixing flour, herbs, hand-breading fresh catfish fillets, rolling corn nuggets and battering huge chicken legs. Listen as everything sizzles in the oil on the iron skillet. You catch a whiff of Creole as more fillets are layered in spices and blackened to a moist finish. Now imagine you are sitting in your car while all of this is happening. This is pretty much your experience when you stop by Corinne’s Catfish. Everything is made fresh when you order it. No heat lamps for this place. I first realized this because as I told the girl what I wanted, she would immediately turn and yell the order to the cook just out of view. At Corinne’s, you have to order the catfish. I went for the fried, but my wife went with the blackened. They have family meals and will split the order between fried and blackened for an additional buck. The meals come with your choice of traditional southern sides like coleslaw, okra, fries, dirty rice and

HOW TO MAKE ANNOYING THINGS FUN By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com

Photo Courtesy: GasBombGirl

my favorite, corn nuggets – You have to try the corn nuggets. I could not resist ordering the chicken and waffles. For all of you of the northern persuasion, this is not a strange combination. I have to admit, the very large chicken leg’s breading was very good, but the meat seemed pretty sparse. Not something you would expect for a hungry dude. My advice is to skip the chicken and concentrate on the catfish. You get all of your food pretty quick and everything is still piping hot when you get home. And don’t forget to order the pie for desert. It was a little pricey, but it was homemade and pretty good. My wife had eaten half of it be-

ou’re probably old enough to know already that the world can be a cruel place. While as children we may have had to dodge mudpies and fists on the playground, adulthood is full of many annoying things that we have all had to deal with at some point: late fees, mean bosses, rude customers, speeding tickets, a cheating spouse, just to name a few. You will be talked down to, treated unfairly, and basically treated like a doormat, there is just no way around it. There’s no point in sugar coating it, especially since you can fight back against these grievances, and even have fun doing it. I like to call it passive anarchy:

fore we got home. Corinne’s Catfish has two locations, the drive thru one I experienced, located on the southbound access road just past Main Street, and a sit-down location in the more residential part of Lewisville, west of I-35 on Main Street and Garden Ridge. They are open for lunch and dinner seven days a week at both locations. Even though it does feel a little disconcerting, the drive thru is really convenient. I would give Corinne’s Catfish a good solid “happy dude” rating and would definitely make Corinne’s a regular stop for a lot of really tasty southern food at a decent price.

Corinne’s Catfish Burgers, Chicken & Waffles 503 S. Stemmons Fwy Lewisville,TX 469-549-4046 www.corinnescatfish.com Hours: Mon – Thur 11am-9pm Fri & Sat 11am-10pm Sun 11am-3pm

MEAN BOSSES: Having a bad boss, regardless of the degree of demeaning or tedious work you may be doing, can make work hell. Your cubicle can quickly turn into a jail cell, the sentence as long as you are required to pay the bills. But you can’t stand up against the humiliation and injustices because A) you don’t want to lose your job and move in with your parents and B) if you lose your job and have no money you might as well put your junk in a jar of formaldehyde for long preservation, because you won’t be getting any for a long time. So, instead of going commando on your boss, as glorious as it seems in your daily fantasy, eat massive quantities of garlic for a few days. Soon it will be pouring out of every pore in your body and you will smell like the inside of a quarantined locker room inflicted with an outbreak of athlete’s foot. And forget memos. Make sure to take every opportunity to talk to him or her in person, so they can get a mouthful of the foul, stinking stench. It’s been great working with you sir.

A CHEATING SPOUSE: I’ve heard of some truly horrific crimes of passion due to cheating, from defecating in the middle of someone’s kitchen to throwing a tub of pasta over new lovers in bed. This one is a bit less violent and more hygienic. If you catch your partner cheating, simply tell them their sex partner just tested positive for syphilis – you know a guy that works at the lab – and then promptly recommend an expensive doctor with a penchant for gossip and who is not included in their HMO. THE SOULLESS PARTIER: Aside from their whoring around and stealing boyfriends or girlfriends, they bounce around thinking they’re hot sh!t LATE FEES: Rich people don’t have these problems, but if you’ve had and if there are drugs around, particularly the ego-boosting cocaine, they late fees from not paying your bills on time – which could be a variety of will be swarming like flies. They might be too late for an intervention, but reasons such as paying for your mother’s eye operation, someone stealing a little trickery and mild humiliation could do their inflated egos a bit of your identity and cleaning out your bank account – it doesn’t really matter. good. Show up to the party or club with a bag of pure baking soda and The corporations behind late fees are soulless money-whores and you’re yell, “Hey! I brought an 8 ball! Straight off the boat, Colombia’s finest.” just another dumb slob, so get in line. You have no choice but to yield Then charge double the market value and enjoy the rest of the evening to the man, but here’s the fun part. There are no laws against cursing on knowing they’ll be snorting benign lines every twenty minutes off the tops checks, as long as it clears. Therefore, next time you get a late fee, care- of dirty toilets in the bathroom. fully write in the memo line: f*ck you very much for the late fees.

VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

AND THE WINNER IS: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF THE 84

ACADEMY AWARDS

By Blitz Weekly Staff – comments@blitzweekly.com Maybe you’ve been living under a rock for the past month or so, but if you haven’t heard, it’s Oscar time. And one of the time-honored traditions of the Academy Awards is a gorgeous woman in a really expensive designer gown. Here are our nominees for the sexiest woman in cinema. Tell us your winner on Twitter @BlitzWeekly.

By Aeryn Ripley comments@blitzweekly.com Adele – Is facing her first postGrammy PR nightmare after French paparazzo Jean-Claude Elfassi claimed he has a sextape of the six-time Grammy winner “Rolling In The Deep” so to speak. When news hit the site it got so much traffic it crashed. Sarah Palin – The never camera shy ex-governor was ready to jump on the Jeremy Lin bandwagon. Palin was spotted on the mean streets of NYC sporting her new LINsanity t-shirt and calling him, “an American story ... uplifting, positive ... he unifies our country!” Gary Busey – Will be sleeping at a Motel 6 near you after filing chapter 7 Bankruptcy. Busey owes $508,600.96, but claims he only has $26,255, a dvd player, 300 VHS tapes, a painting of an Indian (culturally insensitive bastard), a ying/yang pendant, a broken pellet gun, four guitars, and a tambourine. Crazy old Busey.

Rooney Mara Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Michelle Williams My Week with Marilyn

Viola Davis The Help

Jessica Chastain The Help

Bérénice Bejo The Artist

Nominated in Best Actress in a Leading Role

Nominated in Best Actress in a Supporting Role

MOVIEREVIEW OF SAFE HOUSE Finally, a movie with some b-lls! Daniel Espinosa’s latest film about “one of the most brilliant operatives that the CIA ever had” is a flick that would make Jason Bourne proud. Denzel Washington plays Tobin Frost, a rouge agent of legendary status that has been at large for over a decade. Ok, so now that you know that helpful tidbit down the rabbit hole we go; Tobin is now in custody in a ‘secure’ location in South Africa being babysat by agency nobody Matt Westin played by Ryan Reynolds (yeah…that’ll work). While a guest at the lovely chateau de interrogation,

Frost is routinely tortured – nothing like a little afternoon waterboarding before dinner…right? When things go awry, the inexperienced Westin is now responsible for the safety of Frost as they narrowly escape certain death from a variety of volleys namely explosions and gunfire. The element of imminent danger is the sexiness factor in this one. Guys prepare for sporadic adrenalin doses and ladies prepare to have hands over

Make sure you tune into the Oscars Sunday February 26 at 6pm By Johnny Reeves @BlitzWeekly

your eyes because the body count gets pretty high. The fight scenes offer sufficient amounts of HiYas and Kapows for all to enjoy. Seriously though, the hand-to-hand combat sequences are well choreographed and are executed virtually flawlessly so kudos to them. Despite being an obvious Déjà Vu camera work ripoff, Safe House was able to take on a life of its own.

As Frost, Washington teaches us the life lesson that “we are responsible for our houseguests.” But after that not much else is there to be learned from this movie. Action-wise this film can stand pretty firmly rooted against most of its contemporaries, but when it comes down to the plot…Buehler… Buehler…Buehler – there’s just nothing there. Expect Training Day meets Ryan Gosling’s Driver meets every other Denzel action movie for the past 10 years. No worries though, Safe House is worth the $10.50 per ticket. So, lights, camera, ass-kicking!

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FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

AUTOREVIEW: 2012 NISSAN GT-R

Photos Courtesy: David Goodspeed

GODZILLA HAS AWOKEN

By David Goodspeed – dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

uick, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say “Godzilla?” For most it is the star of childhood monster movies that feature horrible voice dubbing. For the true auto enthusiast it means one thing – Nissan GT-R. I took delivery of a 2012 GT-R for Super Bowl weekend and despite a few little things, this is one SUPER car. GT-R is the North American version of the Skyline GT-R, Nissan’s answer to the likes of Porsche 911 and Chevrolet Corvette Z06 and ZR-1. The 2012 model GT-R generates a modest 530 horsepower and 448 lb. ft. of torque (both up from previous models) from a twinturbo’d 3.8-liter V-6 powerplant, and those figures will rise yet again for the upcoming 2013 GT-R. All that power is delivered to the rear transaxle ATTESA E-TS all-wheel drive system via a paddle-shifted sequential six-speed dual clutch transmission with automatic and manual modes. For optimum weight distribution and maximized handling capability the gearbox, transfer case and final drive are all located under the rear of the vehicle, which also makes for some interesting sounds during your drive time when you don’t have the stereo system blaring. Located in the center dash console are three switches that control your driving experience. Each offers normal, special, or “R” modes and

they control transmission shifts, Bilstein DampTronic shock absorbers, and vehicle dynamic control. Braking duties are handled by oversized Brembo full-floating drilled rotors featuring performance brake pads and calipers. For 2012, Godzilla sees updated exterior and interior styling in addition to the power increases. Body components include a blend of steel, die-cast aluminum and carbon fiber. GT-R now receives splashes of carbon fiber in the cockpit as well. In addition to the standard tach/speedo combination gauge package in the driver’s instrument panel the GT-R offers additional useful instrumentation via the center dash mounted, video game-inspired multi-function display. Drivers can select from a variety of display modes that provide instant feedback of what the car is doing. Despite so many track car-like features found in the GT-R, Nissan has built a vehicle that is very much a daily driver. The GT-R is not overbearing or uncomfortable – quite the opposite – and offers all of the amenities we have become spoiled on including Satellite radio, navigation, Bluetooth connectivity and a very nice Bose premium audio system. Once you get the seat, steering wheel and column, and mirrors adjusted to your liking you will need to set aside a bit of time for familiarization with the controls and gauges. The GT-R takes a bit of time to get used to simply

because of how much content is offered. Whether heading out on a dininner date with your significant other er or cruising to the track for a playay-

date with fellow gearheads, “Godzilla” Godzilla” is a great way to roll. This car delivers rs some of the best bang for the buck. It produces uces supercar numbers at the track while being ng one of the very few to not only be priced under der six figures but also not be straddled with a gas-guzzler tax. Our 2012 Nissan GT-R Premium um model rolls from 0-60 mph in under 3 seconds nds and costs just a tick over 91 grand, with fuel economy figures (like they really matter) of 16-mpg city and 23 mpg highway. “Go, go Godzilla!”

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A BOY IS THE PRICE OF HIS TOYS! THIS IS SURE TO MAKE YOUR WANT LIST! Retro Mac iPhone Cases Our buddies at Schreer Delights have summoned up some old feelings of nostalgia with these Retro Mac iPhone Cases. Now you can protect your portable telecommunications device and pay homage to the inventions that preceded it all at the same time. The ultimate example of Geek Chic went faster than Kim Kardashian’s hopes of joining a convent. Hopefully they’ll bring them back so we can get ours. Price: $45

BoxWave Keyboard Buddy Love the iPhone but hate touch screen typing? Well BoxWave has the solution. Presenting the Keyboard Buddy. Turn your iPhone into a lean, mean, QWERTY machine. Although it won’t be as lean and it’s meanness has yet to be proven, but it will most definitely be a QWERTY machine! The case is Bluetooth with integrated Apple commands for Apple iPhone 4 and 4s. Price: $40

three World Series rings, but what does he know about video games? A lot, it turns out. The plot is intriguing, but it does Kingdoms of Amalur: seem to fall a bit short of emotionally Reckoning There is something to be said about captivating. Your character is essengames that have the “Action RPG” tially a magical science experiment. moniker slapped on them these days. Having been killed on the battlefield, KoA:R stands its ground against the you are resurrected by the Well of demons that have very much kept Souls, a device that was thought to games from being more than a wist- be a bust after hundreds of failed atful afterthought, and because of that, tempts. KoA:R dogged a bullet with its it shines. When I first heard that Curt Shil- progression system. Aware that ling had opened a game studio, I people are growing weary of being was skeptical. The guy may have locked into a certain role with the disBy Aeryn Ripley @BlitzWeekly

9.5 out of 10 VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

Console: PC, PS3, 360 Rating: M Developers: 38 Studios

persion of their talent points, KoA:R gives an out: whenever you tire of sword-wielding melee, you can part with a sum of gold and have your Fate wiped clean. This is arguably the first big release of the year, and it stands up well. The amount of stuff that it gets right far eclipses the menial details that can add a dash of tedium to your experience. For fans of fantasy and action, as well as those on the fence, I can tell you with certainty that this is a game that you do not want to miss.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

Q Q: How can you ttell if a chick is ttoo fat to do it? A A: When you pull her pants down her a ass is still in them. Q Q: Why do men b buy electric llawn mowers? A A: So they can find ttheir way back to tthe house.

A Dream Come True A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... ‘Looking for man with these qualifications; won’t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.’ She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.” So the lady says, “What makes you think you are great in bed?” Bob replies, “I rang the door bell didn’t I?”

PISCES P FFebruary 19 – March 20 All of your hard work and planning A will be for not if you don’t remember w to wipe your prints off the baseball bat. ARIES A March 21 – April 19 M IIt’s t time to let your true feelings out. Don’t tell anyone your plans. Burning D down your office will be your bestkept secret. TTAURUS April 20 – May 20 A By joining intellectual or cultural B groups, you should meet individuals g who stimulate you. Remember happy hour is from 4-7pm.

Don’t Shut The Door On Her February 14, 2011 - At least nine Portland, Oregon, police cars rushed to the New Seasons Market, after a 911 call. A vehicle was reported leaving the store’s parking lot with a rope-bound, naked female, in the back seat, duct tape over her mouth. Once pulled over, the driver, Nikolas Alexander Harbar, 31, swore he and his girlfriend, Stephanie Morgan Pelzner, 26, were simply enjoying a Valentine’s Day role playing game. (And, once nude‘n’-bound Stephanie got her duct tape removed, she agreed.)

GEMINI G May 21 – June 21 M IIf you take on too much of a financial burden you may make yourself ill. b When you go out to eat don’t tip. CANCER C JJune 22 – July 22 Don’t let your family put demands on D yyou. Keep hiding in that crack house until Sunday. LLEO JJuly 23 – August 22 Mercury and Mars together doesn’t M always mean that you will be hit by a a DART bus, but this time it does.

Male Ego/Any Excuse In Jerusalem, Ultra-Orthodox Judaism controls public behavior, making all men superior, all women automatic sub-servants. Females are excluded or segregated on public transportation, their images never used in advertisement, nor are they allowed to walk on public sidewalks. During a recent medical research conference on women’s health, titled “Innovations in Gynecology/Obstetrics and Halacha (i.e. Jewish Law), women attending were required to sit away from men, and none were allowed to speak to the audience from the podium. He Mooned Her Majesty Brisbane, Australia - While Queen Elizabeth II, age 85, and her husband Prince Philip, 90, were visiting Aussie Land just prior to Valentine’s Day 2012, instead of showing his heart felt feelings, barman Liam Lloyd Warriner flashed the royal visitors his naked butt. (He was later fined the equivalent $800 U.S.)

VIRGO V August 23 – September 22 A EEven though the girl you like is from Arkansas and says that she loves you A like a brother, you should be really careful this weekend.

SAGITTARIUS S November 22 – December 21 N As hard as it is to watch a loved A one hit rock bottom, you’re the one o who pushed them off the side of the building.

LLIBRA September 23 – October 22 S Start getting down to the nitty-gritty: S what timeline, budget, resources, and w people power will you need to pull off your “Occupy Taco Bell” campaign.

CAPRICORN C December 22 – January 19 D TThough you once thought it was merely a figure of speech, you will m soon learn that you can have the sh!t beat out of you.

SCORPIO S October 23 – November 21 O Genuine conversations with the ones G who know you best are food for your w soul. Let the disemboweling begin!

AQUARIUS A January 20 – February 18 Ja You will achieve fame later this week Y when you’re featured as one of the w “Great Masturbators of This Century” on the Discovery Channel!

ACROSS: 1. Reef material 6. Precious stones 10. Rodents 14. Licoricelike flavor 15. Found in some lotions 16. Biblical kingdom 17. Purification 19. Departed 20. What’s left behind 21. By means of 22. Cain’s brother 23. Beginning 25. Seize 26. Bluefin 30. Made noises while sleeping 32. An ardent early supporter 35. A 19th century art movement 39. A dwarfed ornamental tree

40. Ring around the nipple 41. Smiled contemptuously 43. Quartz 44. A musical composition 46. Identical 47. Anxiety 50. Foot lever 53. Residence hall 54. Female pronoun 55. Highly seasoned fatty sausage 60. Double-reed woodwind 61. Bowels 63. Scheme 64. Untruths 65. Barbarous 66. Canvas dwelling 67. Container weight 68. Urgency

DOWN: 1. Concern 2. 1 1 1 1 3. Break in friendly relations 4. Largest continent 5. Slowly, in music 6. A leg (slang) 7. 1 less than a dozen 8. Watch closely 9. Bristle 10. In spite of everything 11. Pueblo brick 12. Notes 13. Refine metal 18. Poetic dusk 24. South southeast 25. Tired 26. Checks 27. Atop 28. Not a single one 29. Appraisal 31. Back

33. Fortuneteller’s card 34. Mortgage 36. Greek letter 37. Close violently 38. Man 42. Water flea 43. Knave 45. Move unsteadily 47. Take as one’s own 48. Chivalrous 49. Indicate pain or displeasure 51. Donkey 52. Lock 54. Sediment 56. Former Italian currency 57. Rectum 58. Encounter 59. Small island 62. East southeast

Solution on Page 18

Q What does Q: a blonde make b best for dinner? A A: Reservations.

BLITZ FUNNYS

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FEBRUARY 22 – 28,, 2012

THE CLOSER

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

LAST CALL THE WHITNEY FACTOR By Joe Stumpo – www.darthstumpo.com

Anchor Bock Beer Brewed by: Anchor Brewing Company ABV: 5.50% This brew pours a dark reddish brown hue almost like coffee in color with a nice tan head. Lacing is good. It has a really nice aroma – sweet and malty with hints of caramel, butterscotch and a light fruit scent. The sweet malty flavor provides a nice palate. The butterscotch comes through. A nice medium bodied beer with good carbonation. Definitely worth trying. Montecristo New York Connoisseur Edition Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano Binder: Nicaraguan Filler: Dominican Republic Strength: Medium Bodied This beautiful smoke has a maple colored wrapper that is lightly veined. The cap is incredibly sturdy and thick. It has a steady build in flavor for the first third which subsides a bit with stronger flavors becoming more noticeable. The last third gives off some sweetness. Throughout the entire smoke this cigar burns evenly and remains firm. It is undoubtedly the best non-Cuban Montecristo available. Nuttier Russian Ingredients: 1/4 oz Vodka 1/4 oz Amaretto Di Saronno Liqueur 1/4 oz Kahlua Coffee Liqueur 1/4 oz Single Cream Mixing Instructions: Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with three or four ice cubes. Shake well, strain into a shot glass, and serve.

“They’re devils to me…and they’re out to eat my flesh.” That was one among several memorable quotes uttered by six-time Grammy Award winning singer Whitney Houston over the years. The comment in particular was from a 1996 interview in Redbook Magazine on her opinion of the media. If the “Drive-By Media,” as Rush Limbaugh calls them, are devils in disguise, then they really had a plateful and were only too eager to come back for sloppy seconds with drool spewing from their mouths when the recording artist and actress was found dead in her fourth floor suite at the Beverly Hilton hotel February 11 at the age of only 48. The singer’s body still hadn’t been released to the coroner’s office when I read a story from TMZ the morning of February 12 that an unnamed source said pill bottles were nearby in the bathroom where Houston was found reportedly under water in the bathtub. Toxicology results are not expected for weeks but speculation exists that a lethal combination of prescribed medications and alcohol likely played a role. Not surprisingly the Houston story dominated the Monday morning news shows. Switching stations from NBC to ABC to CBS reminded me of that scene near the end of Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers (1994). In typical tabloid media fashion, the negatives not only outweighed the positives but conflicted with other’s accounts from those close to the singer who were interviewed about her supposed behavior in the days prior to February 11. “She (Houston) did not seem disheveled,” said singer Kelly Price in a February 13 story on CNN who was with icon at a party two days before. “She was dancing. She was laughing. We were having a good time. What I saw on Thursday night was not erratic behavior. I didn’t see someone who was high.” A far contrast from what Los Angeles Times’ music writer Gerrick Kennedy said when he ran into Houston at the Beverly Hilton during a press event. “She (Houston) was very – almost kind of frantic,” Kennedy told NBC’s Matt Lauer on the Today Show February 13 who added the singer smelled of cigarettes and alcohol. “There was a bit of erraticness in her behavior, you know. When I had the first time to interact with her outside in the lobby she was wandering around aimlessly, almost like a child. She seemed lost. That was the first interaction I had but as the day went on, you know, you got more glimpses of her and you got another taste of the fact something was off

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Name: Mika Bradford How You Know Her: Mika is a Certified Nutritionist and Pharmacy Technician at Dougherty’s Pharmacy; she is responsible for the store’s wellness products, as well as, the Health & Fitness writer for BLITZ Weekly

Photo Courtesy: Asterio Tecson

that day.” Even more ghoulish was the picture Entertainment Tonight showed on their broadcast Monday of the pop superstar in a body bag and boasted how this was an “exclusive” photo that only they had. That night, HLN’s Nancy Grace put in her two cents when speaking with CNN’s Brooke Baldwin demanding answers while the investigation was still ongoing. “I’d like to know who was around her, who if anyone gave her drugs...and who let her slip, or pushed her, underneath that water,” Grace said. I heard some say that February 11, 2012 is another one of those “where were you when” moments when you heard Whitney Houston had passed. To me February 11 is no more different than any other day. I will for the record say I was at work when a friend of mine texted me the news and asked “who’s next” given that celebrity death’s always seem to come in threes. Even now, I can’t get Houston’s ‘golden voice’ out of my head as I recall the lyrics of “I will always love you”, “I have nothing,” “I wanna dance with somebody,” “I’m your baby tonight” and her patriotic rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Super Bowl XXV Jan. 27, 1991 that puts just about every other entertainer who has done the country’s national anthem since to shame. That’s the Whitney Houston I prefer to remember versus the sad scandal ridden portrait the “Drive-By Media” has been so fixated on reporting about since her final curtain unexpectedly fell late Saturday afternoon.

What is the best part about working in nutrition? Seeing people’s lives transformed who once felt horrible and now are living active, healthy lives by making simple changes in the foods they eat and the supplements they take. What’s the coolest part of your job? The coolest part of my job is working with the pharmacist, physicians and their patients helping identify nutrient depletions that can occur due to specifc health conditions or medications that most likely would be overlooked. What’s some small things we can do that have a big impact on our health? Drink less sodas and more water. Most common health myth that you encounter That people, including medical professionals who have some understanding of chemistry actually believe that vitamins just create expensive urine... That’s like saying what you eat really has no impact on your weight or your health. Three things we should be aware of concerning our personal health 1. Natural does not mean neutral and while dietary supplements and vitamins can support health they can interact with certain medications. 2. There is no one-size-fits-all supplement plan. 3. Balance is the key to everything, too much of a good thing is not always good!

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 24

FEBRUARY 22 – 28, 2012

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