Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

VOL. 3 - ISSUE 25

Pa. mom showed cops duct-taped kid photo, arrested

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Festivals 2011 5 Stars/Mavs News 6-7 UFC 127 Preview 8 No More Oscar Predictions 9 COVER STORY: Hottest Women In DFW Sports 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Meghan 12 Women Want Men To Lie 13 Blitz Toys 15 Can This Job Be Saved? 15 Food Review: One2One Restaurant 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Sequels 2 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jeff Putnam CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Steven Hendrix, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors, Matt Pearce, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Danny Bollinger, Alejandro Linares Garcia, Heather Hutchinson, Chuck Welch, Baccharus, Lubyanka, Skoopie19, Xploitme STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Sam Chase, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Brian Beard, Johnny Blaze, David Goodspeed, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Mark Miller, Joe Stumpo, Jonathan Sullivan CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Do you know who I am? You don’t know anything about my problems.” – Miguel Cabrera

A suburban Philadelphia woman who police say showed them a photo of her toddler duct-taped to a chair as part of an identity theft complaint is being held without bail. Police arrested 21-year-old Caira Ferguson on child endangerment and other charges Wednesday. Ferguson told police earlier this month that her identity had been stolen, and that someone had posted online a photo of her young daughter bound to a chair with duct tape covering her mouth. Nether Providence Township police say Ferguson admitted taping the girl to a chair about seven months ago. Ferguson denied the allegations to reporters. Ferguson’s mother says she thinks another child was responsible. After a court hearing Thursday, The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that the girl will live temporarily with her godparents.

Law to protect German kids’ right to noise

Children of Germany take heart—it may soon be perfectly legal to make noise. Germany is so desperate to encourage people to have more children that the government is proposing a bill allowing citizens under six to laugh, shout and play at any volume. Germany is a land of many rules, especially about noise. The government’s move comes after a series of lawsuits about children and noise, and a recent call from a senior citizens’ chapter of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s conservatives, who sought to ban kindergartens from residential areas because they are too loud. The government said Wednesday the proposed law would exempt children from strict regulations on noise limits, which force construction sites to stand idle for hours at midday and prohibit mowing lawns on Sunday.

UK scouts’ royal kidnap game raises eyebrows

A British scout troop’s outdoor exercise depicting the mock-kidnapping of Prince William’s bride-to-be has raised some eyebrows. The scouts’ annual “quest” in the small English town of Amersham, west of London, last week involved watching an actress playing Kate Middleton being kidnapped by a team of balaclava-clad men, according to a local newspaper. An actor playing Prince William then appealed to the 300 scouts, aged 11 to 13, to help him find his princess. Most of the scouts spent about eight hours hiking around the area looking for clues to the location of the missing Middleton, according to The Buckinghamshire Advertiser. The paper quoted event organizer Brian Shelley as saying he did not see anything inappropriate in the rescue-theprincessthemed outing. “I don’t think it was inappropriate,” Shelley was quoted as saying. “The scouts loved it and found it very amusing. Nobody raised any concerns on the day, so I’m surprised to hear if there were any.” News of the game angered some local councilors and led to national media coverage. Messages seeking comment from the 2nd Amersham Common Scouts were not immediately returned Saturday. Buckingham Palace declined comment on the topic of the mock-kidnapping. William and Middleton are being married April 29 at London’s Westminster Abbey. The government is expected to deploy a major security presence for the event.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

THEM SAD FOLKS NEEDS TO LISTEN TO RAP MUSIC

A report called The Effects of Country Music on Suicide was published in 1996 by two American sociologists, Steven Stack and Jim Gundlach, making it the first known academic study of the link between country music and suicide. It concluded that no matter which country music is played, the suicide rate among whites became higher than average, “independent of divorce, southernisms, poverty, and gun availability.”

NOW WE KNOW

Under Corrections & Clarifications, The Dallas Morning News, Feb. 16, 2011: “A photo caption in Friday’s editions incorrectly said Kate Middleton was engaged to Prince Andrew. She is engaged to Prince Williams.” (Odd fact: Several Texas senior citizens claim they can still remember when The Dallas Morning News had editors.)

KILLED BY WINDSHIELD

Driving home in the early morning of Oct. 26, 2001, from a dance club in Arlington, Chante Jawan Mallard, 27, hit homeless pedestrian Gregory Biggs, 37. The impact sent Biggs head-first through her windshield, leaving his lower body and legs outside on the hood. Afraid of authorities, Mallard continued home, parked inside her garage, then left the semi-conscious man to die. Later, caught and given 50 years in prison, Mallard tried to explain she’d apologized to Biggs while he slowly died, protruding from her windshield butt-first.

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Owen Wilson

by Vivian Fullerlove

I had to check all of the above the line credits in this film before I could feel comfortable making this broad, sweeping statement, because as a rule, I don’t make broad, sweeping statements, but here goes… You know a movie about a married man being given permission to cheat on his wife without consequences had to be written, directed and produced by, well, a bunch of men. Sound too outlandish to be true? Not so much. Anyway, that is the premise of the new Owen Wilson film Hall Pass. But the twist comes in when the hall-pass-giving wives decide that turnabout is fair play and they use the opportunity to get a little somethin’ on the side for themselves. I sat down with Wilson to discuss the film and what it was like working with the Farrelly brothers, the dynamic directing duo behind the comedy blockbusters Dumb & Dumber, There’s Something About Mary and Shallow Hal, to name a few. Now let me get this straight, the wives in this movie are completely okay with their husbands sowing their wild oats elsewhere? The idea seems like something very easy to explain to people. Hall pass…your wife gives you a week off from marriage. People get that concept. I think maybe there’s even a feeling it could catch on after this movie. It [asks the question] “What would it do to a marriage if you had a week off?” I don’t know. You could speculate, or you could see this movie and watch this concept explored in depth. You have one main sidekick in the film who tries to get you to really “appreciate” this opportunity, right? My main running buddy in this movie is Fred, played by Jason Sudeikis, and he is a little bit more wild then my char-

“Entertainment’s Real Critic”

acter Rick, which isn’t saying much. Rick is pretty square. So Fred’s not exactly a wildman either, but in that dynamic, he is the one who is more of an instigator. Comedies, more than most genres, lend themselves to a lot of improvisation. Did you guys really stick to the script or were a lot of scenes in the moment? After rehearsals and stuff, sometimes it is kind of fun to try something new and get a laugh from someplace that you explore within the scene. That’s what made it nice working with Jason and some of the other guys because they’re really funny and good at coming up with stuff. Pete and Bobby [Farrelly] were great at watching takes and coming in with new ideas. Yeah, I would think it would be easy trusting those guys when it comes to knowing what’s funny on screen. They’ve done a lot of movies, so you have confidence that what they’re doing is funny. Also they don’t take stuff too seriously. They keep it kind of loose, which I think is good for feeling comfortable with trying stuff or improvising things and they’re just great guys. They said right from the beginning it was going to be really fun, and that we were going to have a good time. That’s what everyone seems to have had. This really did feel like one of the best times I’ve ever had making a movie, and it is a credit to them and how they run the set and things. Did the Farrellys bring the funny yet again? You can see for yourself this week when Hall Pass opens in theatres nationwide. But a word to the wise: don’t get any funny ideas about suggesting this at home!

by Jonathan Sullivan - www.movietobo.com

THE EAGLE

January was a rough month for anyone who likes their movies not to suck, but February so far has had some better choices. Not mindblowing mind you, but definitely a step in the right direction. The Eagle, starring Channing Tatum, is not only one of these better movies, but I’d even be willing to say that it’s the first “good” movie I’ve seen that’s been released this year, despite some problems here and there. Tatum stars as Marcus Aquila, a 1st century Roman soldier who commands a small army in Roman-occupied Britain. After a mishap during a battle, he is relieved of his duties and sent to his uncle’s place to recover from his injuries. While there, he finds out that the golden eagle his father lost in unoccupied Britain when his army disappeared twenty years ago has been spotted. Wanting to restore his family’s honor, he decides to venture out and get it— alongside his slave Esca (Jamie Bell), who just so happens to be a local and can speak the language. And so our journey begins. There is actually a lot to dig about The Eagle. It’s a beautifully shot movie and feels realistic about the period in spite of their low budget. As for the action, it should be noted that once Marcus and Esca begin the actual search, it’s mostly horseback riding and quizzing the locals. However, the two big action set pieces they do have are excellent,

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especially the first one. They are wellchoreographed and well-shot; no shaky cam to be found in this one. The actors all portray their characters well, especially Donald Sutherland, who shows up for a few scenes as Marcus’s uncle. He kept me from snoring through The Mechanic, and his presence also livens up The Eagle during his time onscreen. The Eagle isn’t without its flaws. Once the quest starts, there’s a bit too much of “talk with the locals, ride to the next area, rinse, repeat” which can cause a less-focused mind to wander. The reason Esca helps Marcus is established but his continued willingness after they enter his world is perplexing since he could just kill the guy and go back to his tribe—no harm, no foul. It’s also, how do I put it, a sausage-fest. There are very few women to be found and the only ones who show up exist solely to giggle at Tatum, because he’s “hot” and stuff. All in all though, I’d recommend The Eagle. The people involved, from the actors to the set designers, all seem invested in the movie and because of it, it manages to rise above the dreck that 2011 has brought us so far. And even though it’s all guys, you can use that fact to get your girl into the theater. She gets to drool at Channing Tatum and you get your action fix. Win-win, fellas.

Wine Knowledge Viking Cooking School – Dallas The first of four three-hour classes taught by wine expert David Pennachetti with tastings of wines from major producers around the world. Affordable.

Thur 2/24

Kurt Rosenwinkel Winspear Performance Hall – Denton Extending the boundaries of what is possible for a jazz guitarist, Rosenwinkel is now an international presence with a devoted following. Check him out.

Fri 2/25

Greater Tuna Palace Arts Center – Grapevine With comedy that has been honed for over thirty years the three wags that have crafted this show (two are the lead performers) focus on the loopy lore of a small town in Texas.

Sat 2/26

The Chieftains Winspear Opera House – Dallas For fifty years the Chieftains have set the standard for Irish music, sold millions of records, entertained millions of people. The perfect time and place to hear them.

Sun 2/27

One of the newer festivals on the scene, Hang Out may have produced the most diverse lineup of all this year, a title usually held by Bonnaroo. Laid out along the beach, this extravaganza will offer something that is key for some people—a bed, roof, and a shower. Rather than your typical camp-out festival, attendees have the ability to stay in very affordable condos, thus allowing you to get that much-needed rest in between days. And as if luxury isn’t enough, it will be headlined by the legendary Paul Simon. They could have stopped right there, but they didn’t. Joining him will be jamband kings Widespread Panic, the Foo Fighters, My Morning Jacket, WEEN, and the Flaming Lips. If that still doesn’t do it for you, fear not—because also on the bill are Primus, Cee Lo Green, the Black Keys, Umphrey’s McGee, Slightly Stoopid, Keller Williams, and even local Dallas great Cas Haley. The list goes on and on but the picture should be very clear by now: this is going to kick all kinds of ass. Go to www. hangoutmusicfest.com for more info.

Originating out of Lawrence, Kansas, Wakarusa has since shifted location to the beautiful Ozark Mountains and what a strong move it has turned out to be. As one who attended this festival last year, I can say with 100% assurance that this will go off without a hitch and if you make the trip you’ll be glad you did. It has the feel of the aforementioned Bonnaroo as far as a camping experience goes, but at about a quarter of the size. All of the stages are easily accessible and the music seems to go on 24/7. While not quite as diverse as Hang Out, Waka is easily the destination of choice for those with the greatest affinity for jam as well dance music and all that it encompasses, even if the top headliners do not quite fit that description. At the top of the bill sits Ben Harper & the Relentless 7, My Morning Jacket, and Thievery Corporation. From there it strengthens with the likes of STS9, Bassnectar, Ghostland Observatory, the New Deal, and Umphrey’s McGee. Rounding out the list are artists like Ozomatli, Galactic, and Buckethead. Look for a special appearance by the reggae sounds coming from Dallas’s Ugly Lion as well. For more information go to www.wakarusa.com.

Wed 2/23

Bonnaroo Manchester, TN, June 9-12

Worn out yet? The mother of them all will witness its very special 10th anniversary this year and they brought out some very heavy hitters to mark the special occasion. The Roo has evolved quite a bit over the years from predominately a festival featuring mostly jambands to something that showcases musical genres from all over the spectrum. Start with this year’s headliners Eminem, Arcade Fire, and Widespread Panic for case in point. Follow that up with Lil’ Wayne, String Cheese Incident, and the Strokes for another example. Throw in larger than life figures like Neil Young, Robert Plant, and Dr. John with the Original Meters and you’ve got yourself what looks like quite a nice time. Expect rain, high temperatures, and face melting experiences that you’ll carry with you the rest of your life.

Chrisette Michele House of Blues – Dallas Many of her songs have charted and in ’09 Michele’s second album, Epiphany, debuted at #1 on Billboard. State-of-the-art R & B and soul sounds. Be there.

Mon 2/28

Hang Out Music Fest Gulf Shores, AL, May 20-22

Wakarusa at Mulberry Mountain Ozark, AR, June 2-5

Josh Ritter Granada Theater – Dallas Big in Ireland, you may soon hear his music on the trailer for Natalie Portman’s The Other Woman (to be released this year). A leading exponent of Folk/Alternative Rock.

Tues 3/1

It may only be February but that glorious time of year we call “festival season” is fast approaching and now is the time to start making your plans for the biggest events of Summer 2011. You can’t go wrong with any of the following and deciding on which to choose may prove more difficult than ever, but let’s give it a shot.

“Music Aficionado”

by Johnny Blaze

Sterling Allen Modern Art Museum – Fort Worth Allen’s wry and wise artworks have been featured in exhibitions in Argentina and Houston. This is a preview of the reinstallation on March 5 of Housing Edition at TCU. If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com

STARS News

by Tony Barone

“Senior Sports Authority”

Falling Stars

The Dallas Stars have hit a rough spot in their season. After leading the Pacific Division for most of the season, they now find themselves five points behind division leader Phoenix and perilously close to falling out of the playoffs. They currently are in a fourway tie for the final three playoff spots. This is a dramatic change of fortune for a team that has over-achieved all season. Injuries are contributing to the Stars’ recent skid. Leading scorer Brad Richards did not accompany the team on their trip to western Canada last week. Jamie Benn has

Dallas traveled to Edmonton where the Oilers captain Shawn Horcoff had a goal and two assists in a 4-1 victory over the struggling Stars. Loui Eriksson scored the lone goal for Dallas. “We’re frustrated,” said Dallas captain Brenden Morrow. “It hasn’t been a good run for us. Every day we say the right things, we talk about the right things, we have meetings on top of meetings, and then we come out in the game and fall behind… “I can’t remember the last time we played with a lead,” the Dallas captain went

been out for 10 games, and forward Adam on to say. “It’s tough to win when you are Burish and defenseman Niklas Grossman always fighting back.” have also missed games. That is part of the Next up were the Calgary Flames, where NHL and each team faces the same chal- the unlikely duo of Cory Sarich and Steve lenges in a very long and physical season. Staios scored just over two minutes apart in However, it’s not the whole story. the third period and sent the surging Calgary Consider the Stars’ two recent stretches Flames to a 4-2 victory over the Stars. of hockey. The team kicked off the new year “We’re going through adversity right with a 7-0-1 run and since then has gone 2-9- now and it’s going to make our team stron1. During the 7-0-1 run they outscored their ger. Every team goes through it,” said Stars opposition 12-1 on the power play. During defenseman Stephane Robidas. “You look at this current run they’ve been outscored 13-4 Calgary early in the year and they were one on the special teams front, with the Stars of the worst teams in the league, and look converting on only four of 41 power-play where they’re at right now.” chances. Again, it’s not the whole story, but “Early in the year, we found ways to an important part of it. win games. Now we’re finding ways to lose The Stars began the week at home, fall- games. That’s been the main difference.” ing 2-1 to the Columbus Blue Jackets at The Stars finished the Canadian road trip the American Airlines Center. Brad Rich- with a 5-2 loss to the Vancouver Canucks. ards scored the lone goal for the Stars. Kari The Stars are 0-4 against the Canucks this Lehtonen stopped 37 of 39 shots. season and have been outscored 20-5. “We scored the first goal, so I don’t think “Guys are feeling the pressure of being it was a slow start for us. I thought we were in a race and not being at your best,” said guilty of being too casual for 7-10 minutes Stars Coach Marc Crawford, who singled and casual play can’t be accepted at this out only Captain Brenden Morrow and Jatime of the year. We mie Langenbrunner have no one to blame Upcoming Schedule: for good play. “When but ourselves for that,” 2/24 @ Red Wings you go through tough 6:30pm said Stars coach Marc times, you can’t just 2/26 vs Predators 1:00pm Crawford. have four or five guys @ Coyotes 8:00pm Later in the week, 3/1 play hard and well.”

MAVS News

by Geoff Case

Crossword Solution

“NBA Analyst”

staying quiet, but ready him consistently dominate a game only because he simply doesn’t understand how to. “The thing about him that is exciting for us is the one thing he established last year—that he was an effective player at the 2-position with Jason Kidd,” Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle said. “That was the one consistent thing that he established last year. He showed a lot of flashes of brilliance but never got any real traction in any other area consistently. He’s worked hard on that this summer before the injury, working on the point position.” Rick Carlisle has allowed these extended minutes because he feels that with Jason Kidd on the floor directing traffic it limits the negatives that Roddy might bring onto the court with his inexperience.

So far so good The Mavericks have had a roller coaster of a season so far with some highs and lows, but ultimately they proved that they could be one of the top contenders in the Western Conference. They entered the All-Star break at 40-16 and are currently second place in the conference. Dallas went into the break having won 13 of its last 14 games, which would seem good enough for most teams. Dirk Nowitzki, however, couldn’t help but look back at the buzzer-beater loss to Denver that snapped a 10-game winning streak. “It’s definitely a fun way to go into the break,” he said. “Now looking back the Denver game really hurts. We could have been sitting on a nice little winning streak. “We had a little down there at the beginning of January, but we’re playing well again and we have to stay healthy now, and it should be a fun run in the second half of the season.” That should be the focal point of the Mavericks staff and players in the next few days. The second half of the season should be one of the easiest in the NBA since the Mavs played most of the tough teams in the first half.

Butler begins on-court activity Caron Butler (right knee) is done for the regular season after rupturing his patellar tendon. He remains convinced he’ll be back for the playoffs. Butler had surgery on Jan. 4, and recently logged his 27th session inside the hyperbaric chamber. On the days he doesn’t work out at the team’s facility at the AAC, he rehabs on his own at home. The NBA trade deadline is on Feb. 24 and Butler’s expiring $10.8 Beaubois expanding million contract is an attrachis role It only took Rodrigue Beaubois one game tive trade piece for teams eager to shave milback from injury to return to the starting lions off their salary cap. Butler thinks ownlineup. After coming off the bench Wednes- er Mark Cuban will not only hold onto him day at Sacramento, the second-year guard for the remainder of the season, but will rewas on the first team Thursday at Phoenix. sign him as a free agent in the offseason. “I He scored nine points in a little under 20 really do. That’s just how I feel,” Butler said. minutes of playing time, shooting 4-for- “I think everything is meant to happen for 10 from the floor. Beaubois has scored 22 a reason and I just see myself playing with points in his first two games of the season Dallas this playoffs and for years to come. I just see that. I think it’s a perfect marriage.” after recovering from a broken foot. I’d like to stress to Mavericks fans that In all likelihood it’s pretty optimistic to Beaubois is the equivalent of a kid coming to think that he’ll contribute anything else this the NBA straight out of high school. Grant- season, but if it gets to a point where it’s only about tolerating ed, he’s one of the most pain, Butler has proved talented young players Upcoming Schedule: he’s one of the toughin the league, but he’s 7:30pm est guys in that departgetting by totally on 2/23 vs Jazz ment. It’s definitely 7:00pm his physical gifts. It’s 2/26 @ Wizards something to keep an going to be a while 2/27 @ Raptors 5:00pm eye on. before we can see

3/1

@ 76ers

6:00pm

NHL: Stars vs. Red Wings

Thur. February 24 – 6:30PM – Joe Louis Arena – FSSW The month of February hasn’t been kind to the Stars. Their only win was a 4-3 shootout victory against Marty Turco and the Blackhawks. Hopefully when the puck drops the Stars will have an aggressive plan in place. This is another chance to watch former Star legend Mike Modano. The Red Wings are on a hot streak having won five in a row.

NBA: Thunder vs. Magic

Fri. February 25 – 7:00PM – Amway Center – ESPN The “Durantula” and his posse head east to take on “Superman” and his gang. No this isn’t a movie, it’s the Thunder vs. Magic game. It’s Kevin Durant vs. Dwight Howard. Both teams should be well-rested as the second half of the season begins. Look for a high-scoring affair and lots of memorable baskets.

NCAA Basketball: (17) Texas A&M vs. Baylor

Sat. February 26 – 7:00PM – Ferrell Center – ESPNU A&M is actually having a good season this year and Baylor wants to make it to the Big Dance. The last time these two teams met, Baylor got the best of A&M with a 76-74 OT victory. Look for A&M to return the favor and hand Baylor a hard loss.

NBA: Knicks vs. Heat

Sun. February 27– 7:00PM – American Airlines Arena – ESPN Melo will be with the Knicks at this point. Now there will be enough star-power between Stoudemire, Melo, LBJ, Wade and Bosh to keep your eyes glued to the tv. This is the last matchup between the two teams before postseason play begins. The Heat won the first two games and the Knicks won the last one.

STARS

MAVS

by Brian Beard

“Ultimate Fighter”

George Sotiropoulos (14-2-0) vs. Dennis Siver (17-7-0):

Classic striker vs. grappler matchup here with Sotiropoulos being the grappler and Siver the striker. Siver won his last two fights and is a helluva striker. Very dangerous. Here’s the deal…..Siver beats guys that are willing to stand and trade with him to try to prove something. Sotiropoulos will not fall into this trap. He will chase the takedown and finish this fight. I am going with Sotsomething winning by submission in the first round. His ground game is very good and Siver stands no chance. Sot also out-pulls him at the after-party due to a raw tan.

Michael “The Count” Bisping (21-3-0) vs. Jorge “El Conquistador” Rivera (18-7-0):

This has the potential to be a good fight. Jorge Rivera has been on a rampage, winning his last three, a couple of them surprising (if you ask me). Bisping has been both loved and hated by fans in his career and is on a two-fight win streak. Rivera does not want to be on the ground with Bisping but I don’t think Bisping would mind standing with Jorge. This calls for a stand-up war. Rivera should hold the advantage here but I am calling Bisping by KO in the second round. He will pull MTV Jersey Shore ass after the fight having won and being able to speak the language in Australia.

BJ “The Prodigy” Penn (16-7-1) vs. Jon Fitch (26-3-0):

The main event in this weak-ass card will feature Mr. Penn moving back up to welterweight. Fitch is the absolute truth but so is Penn. I believe Penn has the most to lose here which does not bode well for Fitch. Penn loses and he is really on his way out. Fitch loses and it’s not the end of the world. I really enjoy watching both of these fighters but Fitch is known for his decisions. He has not proven, thus far, to be a finisher. Fitch is well known for his awesome takedowns and Penn is known for his awesome takedown defense. This leaves good potential for a stand-up war which Fitch wants no part of! I call Penn by KO in the third round.

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by Joe Stumpo

pedicures and massages will not revoke your man card by Mark Miller

The Dallasite from the North

Macho athletes do it. So too do Hollywood hunks, rugged Texas cowboys and construction workers. I’m not afraid to admit I’m part of the growing number of real men who have had pedicures and massages. Doing so in 2011 doesn’t take away your man card. In fact, it can actually enhance it, especially with wives and girlfriends. For many men, having any part of their bodies worked on is about as exciting as going to the doctor. Problem is, too many men don’t visit their physicians until one foot from the grave, which doesn’t do them or their families any good. But what used to be strictly a pampering luxury for high-society women has become an affordable way to good health for both sexes. And thanks to an abundance of nail and massage salons in North Texas, competition has made pedicures and massages affordable. According to pedicuresandfootcare.com, pedicures are simply taking care of one’s feet to avoid complications. Put another way by Aysha Schurman on life123.com, the goal is clean and healthy feet, not a painted piece of art. And according to the Mayo Clinic, massage, among other things, relieves stress and helps regulate blood pressure while reducing pain and stiffness. Plus it helps with circulation. While too many men consider these treatments only for females and gay or metro-sexual men, it all depends on the choices. Sure, some clients want their pedicures to include petals, bubble bath and nail polish. But manly men can simply stick their feet in a hot whirlpool bath, have their nails trimmed, have the rough edges scraped off and have a lower leg and foot massage with smoothing, generic rubs. In addition to the health benefits, my wife reminds me that such treatments are relaxing,

which is also a good way to describe massage. Like many men, I was leery of having a stranger touch my body. My first experience with massage was in the late 1970s at one of the bath houses in Hot Springs, Ark. It took more than 20 years for another when my brother-in-law and his thenwife, a beautician, talked me into one at her suburban Milwaukee salon. I was surprised by the professionalism shown by all involved. After a quick shower, I went to the massage table in a bathrobe. I met the therapist (I prefer females) who asked me if there were any particular areas on my back or neck that needed extra attention. I said no and she lifted up a large white sheet to protect my privacy while I got onto the table face up. For 30 minutes, she worked on my arms and legs, then had me turn over for 30 minutes on my back and neck. I remember it was so relaxing I nearly fell asleep. Once I was done, I felt more relaxed than ever. I was hooked. I didn’t start having pedicures until just a few years ago. My wife had been trying to push me into it for a long time, since she enjoyed it. I finally gave in when a new salon opened near our Wisconsin home. For me, the fact most nail technicians are female helped make the experience more comforting. And it’s something that has kept me coming back every six to eight weeks. My last pedicure was Feb. 12 with my wife and daughter at our favorite Highland Village salon. Across the aisle was another male enjoying his pedicure and getting ready for a manicure. My wife is still on me to get my first manicure. I will eventually. I’m just not yet ready to stop chewing my nails. Some old habits never change.

www.darthstumpo.com

This year I will not do my usual predictions of who will win on Oscar night Feb. 27. I feel like Barbara Walters, who last year said she would do no more hourlong specials before the Oscars, saying “I’m thrilled we have such great stars and have such a wonderful show, but to be honest, I feel like I’ve been there, done that.” Then more bluntly, “I think I’m sick of them.” The Oscars, for me, have become too predictable, like a lot of today’s movies. Every year it’s the same debate. Immediately following the nominations we hear movie critics and entertainment television shows and magazines commenting about who got snubbed. I could tell you, for example, why actress Mila Kunis failed to land a nomination playing the competing rival ballerina/dancer in Black Swan and why the documentary Waiting for Superman about the country’s failing education system did not make the cut. I’m not going to. Chances are you’ve probably already heard the reasons already, if you really care. I am tired of citing the usual comment that one doesn’t have to see the films that have been nominated to figure out who is going to win; that all one has to do is read up on how many times the actor, actress or director has been passed over to determine who the winner will be. Or for that matter, to determine the front-runner for best picture by finding out which two films have the most nominations. Of the ten films nominated for best picture this year, I have, so far, only seen six. Of those six, the only two I can justify seeing again are Toy Story 3, which would mean watching all three films together, since I haven’t seen the first two in years—and Inception because I did not exactly understand it the first time (I fell asleep watching it). I consider the other four I have seen—The Social Network, True Grit, The Fighter, and Black Swan—to be one-hit wonders. Sure, they all made over—or are coming close to grossing over—$100 million at the box office. But let’s be honest, how many of you can justify seeing these movies again when they hit video on demand and pay-tv months from now? Of those four, I liked three of them, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them again unless it’s to write a review. That being said, I will still take off work on Sunday Feb. 27 (until they move the telecast back to Monday nights again) to watch the Oscars mainly because I still find them enjoyable. The one thing that has always kept me drawn to the Oscars is how consistently the show delivers at least one or two surprises, giving viewers and the entertainment media something to talk about the next day. That alone makes sitting through the three-hour-plus telecasts less painful. Who can forget Ben Stiller’s imitation of Joaquin Phoenix’s talk-show appearance on David Letterman at the 2009 Oscars? Watching last year’s Oscar telecast I wondered why George Clooney was in a bad mood. What got everyone talking even on the Internet as the telecast was still on the air was how the Academy left late actress Farrah Fawcett out of the tributes. On that level the Oscars are like the Super Bowl where the most memorable moments are usually the clever commercials, if not the halftime show. This year it was a kid in a mini Darth Vader suit trying to use The Force and Christina Aguilera’s self-destruction singing “The Star-Spangled Banner.” If there is one thing I will find of interest with this year’s Oscar telecast, it will be to see how James Franco and Anne Hathaway fare as hosts. Rest assured, if the two fail miserably and ratings are down as they have been in recent years, one thing viewers will be asking themselves the next morning is, “What were the producers thinking when they decided to ask them to host?”

Sports play an integral part of our live took an unofficial poll to see who are t Without further ado here are the result 10) Robbyn – Dallas Stars Cleaning up after a bunch of sweaty guys isn’t easy AFTER THEY’VE DESTROYED THE ICE but Robbyn does it with style and a bright smile. Now don’t you wish you could skate?

9) Sybil Summers – 105.3 The Fan She’s the sexy sidekick to Richie Whitt and Greg Williams on RAGE. She also co-hosts a nationally-syndicated NASCAR pre-race show called Texas Motor Speedway’s Total Access. When she speaks, we listen!

8) Naomi – Allen Wranglers The Wranglers are the new indoor football team here in town. They moved here from Arkansas. Their season begins on Monday, February 28th. We wish the team and Naomi much success.

7) Gina Carano – MMA Fighter Being born here in the Metroplex is a good thing and Gina represents us well. She’s often referred to as the “Face of Women’s MMA.” Disagree with her being on the list? tell her yourself!

6) Jenna – Dallas Mavericks The Mavericks are serious contenders for the NBA Finals. When there’s a break in the action we’ll be looking for Jenna. Photo Courtesy: Dallas Vigilantes, Dallas Cowboys, Matt Pearce, Crystal Clear Media, Xploitme, Curtis Photo, Danny Bollinger

es and so do women. So much so that we the most attractive women in DFW sports. ts! 5) Linda – Dallas Desire Linda is the quarterback calling all the shots. The Lingerie Football League players do more than just look pretty. They wear pads, helmets and actually tackle each other.

4) Kaitlin – Dallas Cowboys This past season was a tough one for the Cowboys but Kaitlin made the games bearable and a reason to stay for the entire game.

3) Kaime – Dallas Stars The team is looking up and we think Kaime is the reason the Stars will “March to the Playoffs!”

2) Tori – Dallas Vigilantes Tori is the Team Captain and we’ll follow her lead. Watch her at the AAC as the team plays their first home game on March 12th.

1) Crystal – Dallas Cowboys Everyone needs to keep their fingers crossed that there isn’t a lockout! Crystal is the reason why we sit through the preseason games.

Do You Think She’s Pretty? I don’t know why women ask this stupid question, but they do. They know if another woman is pretty or not. They spend their entire lives critiquing other members of their species, so they don’t need your opinion. It’s a trap! If you say yes, she’ll be mad. If you say no, she’ll know you’re lying…and she’ll be mad. The best response is to just say, “What difference does it make…I’m with you,” and hope she buys your sincerity. Then here’s a fun trick. Point out some random male and ask her if she thinks he’s handsome, and see how she handles the hot potato for a while. You know what they say; sometimes the best defense is a good offense, so why not give her a chance to see how good she is at the BS shuffle.

3. Feed your muse: Focus more on what delights your senses rather than on what makes you feel depressed. Positive emotions help creativity and contribute to your resilience during hard times. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson of The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill monitored groups of college students before and after 9/11 and found that positive emotions can literally expand the mind’s functioning and the range of visual perception. Every day do at least one thing that invigorates your senses. Also, let your thoughts gravitate more toward love and gratitude than toward expressions of negativity.

4. Be more mindful: It’s easy to be swept up in the daily routine to the point where we sometimes forget to pay attention. At the end of the day, look back and try to find three highlights. This shift of awareness can be an enjoyable way to find meaning in your experiences.

What Are You Thinking? You know when you’re making that long, silent drive to visit the in-laws, and she leans over and nuzzles up against your neck and whispers, “What are you thinking?” Once again, lie, lie, lie. The best canned answer is always, “I’m thinking about you.” (This also works if you’re watching your favorite TV show and she wants to talk, or if she’s dragging you through the mall shopping for shoes, or you’re sitting in a theater about to watch a chic-flick and she blindsides you with the question.) I promise, if you ever tell her the truth about what’s really on your mind, you might as well slam the car door on your fingers a dozen times, because that’s the least painful experience you’ll have for the rest of the day.

5. Leave behind old patterns: When faced with creative or life challenges often our first impulse is to fall into old patterns and find the easiest solution. However, most breakthroughs and personal transformations require confusion or conflicting ideas or concepts. Constant questioning can fuel your approach to problems and keep the possibilities open.

Does This Make Me Look Fat? Every woman you know (girlfriend, wife, sister, mother, next-door neighbor) will eventually ask you this question. Even if she’s six feet tall and weighs eighty-three pounds, a woman still thinks certain clothes make her look fat. I don’t care if she’s hideous and looks like a two hundred and fifty-pound ham stuffed in a spandex sock, your answer better always be, “Of course not, you look great.” If you dare utter the truth, you can bet the last words she utters on her deathbed will be, “Remember when you told me I looked fat?”

1. Change your outlook: Instead of viewing confusion as a major crisis, see it as a quest to find your authentic self. Instead of this time being dreary and uncertain, it can be a time of meaningful change marked by creativity and adventure. Having a new creative identity can be very exhilarating, especially when you feel like you’ve been set free from the confines of your former self.

What’s one of the first things you always hear women say when they’re rattling off their dream list of what they want in a relationship? That’s right…snuggled somewhere in the Top Five, you’re always going to find that precarious little nugget: Just Be Honest With Me. After many years of hardearned experience grinding through that tortuous maze known as the female psyche, I can tell you for an absolute fact, it just ain’t for real. Women want men to lie to them, but they’re tricky about it. It’s like a matador waving that big red cape in front of the bull. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to get the horns. I broke out the secret relationship-decoder ring and made a list of some of the most common traps women set when they tell you they want the truth, but in reality, they really want you to lie, lie, lie. What they really want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. And if you think I’m kidding, just try telling them what you’re really thinking and see how that works out for you. (But I wouldn’t try it with someone you want to continue sharing a harmonious relationship with.)

www.dennishambright.com

How confusion can help you thrive

by Dennis Hambright

Confusion is not something that has positive connotations. It is something that is feared and avoided. Ultimately, it can cause a feeling of upheaval and being completely lost. These kinds of feelings often happen when we are faced with our biggest challenges. While these huge life changes can seem like tragedies, such as unemployment or divorce, they can actually fuel our creativity if we use confusion as an aide instead of a hindrance. Here are some simple ways to change your crisis into a quest for a new creative identity. 2. Keep your mind sharp: This means not drowning your sorrows in a bottle of Jameson, which is the cornerstone of the tortured artist cliché. The fact is, people don’t find themselves in constant uncertainty just during a mid-life crisis. It is an ongoing battle, which is why it is no wonder that so many people are trapped in despair and addiction. Although the writer Bukowski came up with some brilliant ideas when he was on a bender, psychologists have been saying for years that drugs and alcohol can inhibit creativity while positive emotions help it thrive.

Women Want Men to Lie

6. Press the pause button: Just for a few minutes—or a few seconds—take a deep breath and exhale while observing a pause in your mind’s constant chatter. You’ll be amazed at how hard this is, even for a few minutes, and even more amazed at your mind’s constant buzzing. The goal in this daily exercise is to quiet the mind long enough to create some mental space and also help you to take note of negative emotions before they drown out messages from your creative muse.

It’s not often a new car from a small(ish) manufacturer can run with the Ferraris, Porsches, and Lamborghinis of the world, but that’s certainly the case with the McLaren MP4-12C. This spiritual successor to the legendary F1 uses a 592-horsepower 3.8-liter twin-turbo V8 and a seven-speed twin-clutch gearbox to go from 0-60 in as little as 3.2 seconds, from 0-125 in 8.9 seconds; a Proactive chassis control system that allows for instant adjustment of the car’s settings to match the situation; brakesteer technology borrowed from Formula 1, and other goodies that make it as beastly on the track as it is attention-grabbing off of it. (Price – $230,000)

Checkout Man Dear BLITZbudsman: I work for one of the biggest department stores in the country, maybe the best, at a furniture warehouse on the outskirts of one of America’s most beautiful cities. My job is hard, but I asked for it. I wanted to be the one they could always count on. The forklift drivers bring me the furniture in boxes or else it comes to me on flats. I check to make sure our guys have pulled the right order. I check to make sure there aren’t any nicks in the finish or other imperfections, like where some water dripped on it. There are two ex-military guys who work right next to me, refinishing or touching up. They wear masks and work inside a big clear plastic tent so the rest of us don’t have to breathe their fumes. I’m getting a stoop from having to push all this heavy stuff out to the loading docks. The floor is slick and there isn’t room for a forklift or even a pallet jack out there. UPS has its own dock, and FedEx. USPS and others are shared, which means pickups are scheduled. I can tell you who’s out there without looking at my watch. I don’t want to get fired. I just want a union that’s not on the owners’ side. Because now management wants us to take a pay cut. If it happens, guys like me with college-age kids won’t be able to make it. If you publish this, others might speak up, too. Being screwed is part of life, I know – but I don’t want them to think we don’t know what they’re doing. –Had enough

With sales of its original, seven-inch Galaxy Tab not exactly setting the world on fire, Samsung’s ready to try again with its big brother. The Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 offers more than just screen-size improvements over its little sibling, including eight-megapixel AF rear-facing and two-megapixel front-facing cameras with 1080p video recording, a 1GHz dual-core Tegra 2 processor, HSPA+ 21Mbps, Bluetooth 2.1+EDR and dual-antenna Wi-Fi, up to 32GB of internal storage, Android 3.0 Honeycomb, Flash 10.1 support, and, of course, a 1280x800 10.1-inch touch display. Here’s hoping the pricing isn’t nearly as celestial as the name. (Price – TBA)

In this column, conditions in the American workplace will be disclosed. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the employers and employees ridiculed herein, and as with celebrities and politicians, nothing said by or about them should be taken seriously.

Dear Had: I understand you to be an important cog in a machine that would shut down without you... momentarily! After a brief loss of productivity you would be replaced by someone who would duplicate all your efforts until the machine began to run exactly as it did when you were the cog. Sadly, this dead-end job of yours may be all you’re good for. In spite of all the big egos that still need to be memorialized, I doubt you’ll find work on a pyramid. And revolution has become too difficult with so many people spying on us—probably a dozen for every squeaky wheel like you. Self-described nihilists shoot up the place from time to time, but these days the unhinged are never organized. Do you see how you’ve been had, Had? If you aren’t a cog producing more of the same you’re a threat to the status quo. Without a status quo there can be no profitability, and without profitability there’s no reason for you to exist. Why keep trying to find meaning in your life? The way you’re being tortured will be no less painful for being seen clearly. It’s time to find God. The customary first step is to seek one of those vast, empty spaces with which our troubled world is, thankfully, still well supplied. Make sure there’s a full moon overhead, sit back on your heels and howl at it. If a voice howls back telling you to “shut the f**k up,” do not be fooled. This is not God’s way. Almost certainly you are dealing with another seeker who mistakenly thought he was alone. If, on the other hand, you only hear the faint, whiny echo of your meaninglessness, it’s almost certain that by morning, though you may have lost your voice, you will no longer be such a burden to yourself and God’s plan for you will have been revealed. Write to the BLITZbudsman at blitzbudsman@blitzweekly.com

The Bourbon Club

by Tony Barone

Bourbon is the true American spirit. Rumor has it our first President, George Washington, distilled bourbon at Mount Vernon. Abraham Lincoln’s dad worked in a bourbon distillery and his Chief General Ulysses S. Grant was known for drinking quite a lot of it! Yes, technically it is a whiskey (all bourbons are whiskeys but not all whiskeys are bourbons), but it has a character all its own. Whether you’re celebrating a special occasion or just want to throw a spring get-together, a bourbon tasting is a great way to socialize and sip our great nation’s drink of choice. On this Saturday night in Suburbia four tasters with well-trained palates gathered at a neighbor’s house to start a tradition of tasting some fine bourbon. The senior taster of the group this evening is a retired defense contractor and decorated War Veteran who now serves as a senior ambassador for one of the bourbons being tasted. Then there is the Air Traffic Controller and the retired Aerospace Engineer, who also enjoy flying their single engine RV-6 aircraft on the weekends. And finally there is this article’s writer, who brings the average IQ of the group way down and began his drinking career sipping white lightning from a relative’s still. Ask any master distiller of bourbon about the appropriate way to enjoy the drink, and you’ll hear the same thing. Bourbon is for sipping. Our bourbon tasting featured six Kentucky straight bourbons, ranging in price from about $30-$150 a bottle and alcohol content from approximately 45-60%.

A bourbon tasting should focus on the following:

COLOR - Take some time to study the color. A darker color tends to mean longer storage time, higher alcohol content or some combination of the two.

GIVE IT A TWIRL - Get a firm grip on the glass and swish the bourbon around,

a move called aerating. This allows the drink to breathe a bit, which makes for a better tasting experience. You will notice “legs” on the side of the glass, the longer the legs the greater the alcohol content.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH - Part your lips, place your nose deep into the glass, and give the whiskey a sniff. By opening your mouth slightly while inhaling, you can avoid being overpowered by the alcohol. The smell gives a preview to the taste. TAKE A DRINK - To get a complete flavor profile, take a large sip from the glass

and work it around to coat the inside of your mouth, a “Kentucky chew.” This allows the whiskey to hit different parts of the tongue, from the sweet-sensing tip to the bitter-sensing back.

OK, NOW SWALLOW - Pay careful attention to the flavors as the bourbon slides down your throat. Be on the lookout for an exceptional “finish,” a test of how long those flavors linger. For quality bourbon, the taste should hang around for 15 or 20 seconds.

HAVE FUN – The hidden truth about a tasting is that it’s a chance to be with friends and enjoy life. Each taster was given a scorecard to rate the six bourbons on color, aroma, taste, and finish and was also asked to give each bourbon an overall score. This was a “blind” tasting, meaning the tasters did not know which of the six bourbons they were tasting. The results of the tasting proved interesting and informative. The bourbon receiving the overall highest rating was Buffalo Trace, a proud sponsor of this publication. It won out over much more expensive brands, giving it the “best value” label as well. None of the tasters gave their favorite brands the highest rating, and our Senior Ambassador actually gave his brand the lowest rating, to the amazement of all the tasters. Bragging rights for the evening went to the Air Traffic Controller, who was given a prize for picking the most brands. Everyone agreed there would be another tasting soon, featuring our defending champion Buffalo Trace against three new challengers. And we have already heard from at least seven other would-be tasters anxious to test their bourbon-tasting expertise. It really is a great way to spend an evening.

by Richard S. Pollak

“The Traveling Gourmet”

ONE2ONE: SERVING EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE IN FRISCO As you walk into One2One Restaurant on Legacy Drive, you immediately realize that they are catering to a wide range of people with food on their minds. In contemporary surroundings there is a state-of-the-art sports bar, an outdoor patio with a view, and a casual yet upscale dining room that features an open kitchen and a private event room that seats 60. Thanks to the personal touch of Executive Chef/Partner Jeff Moschetti I was able to embark on a culinary journey not found elsewhere in Frisco. Everything tasted even better when we were joined by the lovely Lisa Moore, who worked with Chef Jeff as Event Director at hometown favorites, the Stephan Pyles and Samir Restaurants. One2One has an impressive, wellpriced wine list along with a dozen innovative drink specials. It was easy for me to spend dinner downing several of their Bacardi Cherry Press Cocktails, made with muddled lime, torched cherry and Sprite on the rocks. On the culinary side we began the evening with a crust of Vincenzo’s homemade flatbread from Chef Jeff’s own wood-burning oven, upon which we spread creamy gorgonzola, roasted elephant garlic and quince jam—three flavors that flowed together and were perfect to snack on while watching sports on the big flat-screens in the bar. The next course of Wild Arugula Salad with grilled pears, spiced walnuts, ricotta salata cheese and pomegranate vinaigrette can hold its own with any salad served in Dallas. His Beau Nash Smoked Chicken Soup with a squeeze of fresh lime comes with some Dallas dining lore on the side. It was the owner of Chef Moschetti’s first restaurant at the Crescent, Caroline Hunt, who actually first ordered the recipes

for the Tortilla Soup and Lobster Tacos that fellow Rosewood Hotel Executive Chef Dean Fearing made famous at the Mansion on Turtle Creek. Moschetti’s creation of Mexican Chicken Soup distinguishes itself from Fearing’s with fresh corn and has followed him to stops including Dragonfly at Hotel Zaza and The Melrose Hotel. The ever-changing bowl of Soup “DJ” (du jour) is only $8. Local diners shouldn’t be scared by the fine-dining label as a full children’s gourmet burger and handmade pizza also come out of the state-of-the-art open kitchen with the wood-burning oven. The Lobster Carbonara with fresh peas, bacon, shallots tossed in a blackpepper linguini could have stopped the show by itself, but we also devoured the perfectly crisp-skinned Alaskan Halibut with sweet white corn cream and rock shrimp/potato hash with a mango-jicama salad and the Ginger Beef Tenderloin. Don’t worry, the kids’ menu features everything you could ask for and for only $7. Then there is Kaitlyn’s build-yourown Cupcake for only $5 for dessert! Our dessert was presented on a tray shaped like an artist’s palette and featuring individual portions of Mini Crème Brûlée with Sugar Tulip, Mini Chocolate Brownie Sundae with house-made Vanilla Bean Gelato, mini “Dreamsicle” Orange Sorbet, Frangipane cake and ice cream, Banana Pudding with vanilla wafer crust, Caramel Bananas and caramel sauce. One2One is truly catering “everything to everybody.”

One2One Restaurant & Bar 1339 Legacy Dr. Frisco – 75034 PH: 214-618-2221 www.one2onerestaurant.com

JOKES

HORRORSCOPES

FUNNIES

Q: Why do redheads think they’re special? A: It’s amazing what arrogance and a lack of sensitivity will do for your ego. Q: What do you get when you cross a sneeze and a punchline? A: A sick joke. Q: What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? A: Thirty minutes of begging. Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting. The Wife Isn’t Speaking One night, a guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy, “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.” The bartender thought about this for a while. “But isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender. “Yeah, except today is the last day.”

ACROSS: 1. Throw 5. Request 8. Highest point 12. Countertenor 13. The throat or gullet (archaic) 15. Drop anchor 16. Look of lust 17. Explode 18. Excretory opening 19. A sequence of numbers 22. Collection 23. Estimate (abbrev.) 24. Sleeveless garment 26. Called 29. Twerp 31. Trangression 32. Creepy 34. Trench 36. Out of harm’s way 38. Pale purple 40. Ballet wear 41. Construct 43. Young eel 45. Bar bill 46. Not down 48. Worn away 50. A bunch of hair

51. A man who serves as a sailor 52. Three in Roman numerals 54. Good-natured tolerance 61. Grabbed 63. New Zealand native 64. Cry 65. Decorative case 66. Fruit of the oak tree 67. Sea eagle 68. Sail holder 69. S 70. Learning method DOWN: 1. After-bath powder 2. Margarine 3. Flower stalk 4. A water ice dessert 5. Distinctive atmosphere 6. A promiscuous or disreputable woman 7. Yachting cap 8. American Medical Association 9. Compose 10. Pout 11. At one time (archaic) 13. Refined 14. Cooking appliance

20. Part of an archipelago 21. Require 25. Agitated state 26. Crown 27. Communicable 28. Not wets 29. Interlace 30. Outer or exterior 31. South southeast 33. Sick 35. A center of activity 37. Beige 39. Positive 42. A wealthy man (British slang) 44. Lion sound 47. Pore 49. A sliding container 52. Detail 53. Bit 55. Competition involving speed 56. Sounds of displeasure 57. Mistakes 58. A Roman emperor 59. Copper 60. Sword 62. Do-it-yourselfer’s purchase

SEQUELS 2 Apparently, 2011 will set the record for the amount of movie sequels made. The previous record was 24 in 2003 and this year the total will go up to a staggering 27. Am I the only one who sees this as a sign of the movie industry taking a giant 3-D crap all over us? Don’t think 27 is a lot of sequels, let alone movies? Sequels will make up roughly 1/5th of all movies released this year, averaging out to about one every other week. This makes me boil over with all-consuming rage and will make retribution an undying necessity. Not a big deal, you say? I shouldn’t give such a large sh!t about movie sequels dominating the box office? Well, if you disagree with me, I would like you to do one thing first. Imagine a giant fist in your head with one large middle finger pointing at you. Movies have long been one of our society’s most important art forms. It’s also become one of the most expensive escapist hobbies to have, in terms of what you get in

by Pat Moran

by David Goodspeed

“Man on his Throne”

return. Their prices keep going up, but their quality sinks to the lowest of lows. Now, I’m not saying anything about the singular merit of any individual film. I could care less, to be honest. It really doesn’t matter if any sequel this year is any good. The large amount of sequels represents something much more risky. If the movie industry capitalizes on the fact that it can throw just about any colorful piece of cinematic vomit on the screen, what do you think is going to happen next year? Or the year after that? Do you really think you, as a consumer, will be rewarded with life-changing movies that don’t question your intelligence? A sequel doesn’t represent a continuation of a previously told story. It represents the need to get rid of original thought and material, because it’s cheaper and easier to refurbish a product that’s already been sold. Look, go ahead and enjoy whatever films you want. It’s a free country. But just know that every dollar you spend on Transformers 3 or Scream 4 will represent a dollar that won’t be used to make new, good work. Vote with your dollars. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you are an idiot for buying in.

It seems a study was released recently that suggested Texas lawmakers could help balance the struggling state budget by adding a tax on sacred cows. I almost dropped my iPhone. Who in the name of Sam Houston is attempting to impose a gas-guzzler tax on the state vehicle of Texas (pickups)? Who is committing political suicide in the year of twenty bucks and eleven cents? No one has stepped forward (as of yet) to enter a bill in the state house or senate despite this “study” promising the state untold riches should they tag an extra $100 to the price of every truck and large SUV sold here. In an effort to quickly reassure voters of the lunacy of such an act, response was swift from the boot- and hat-wearing legislators in our State capitol. Texas is the leading market for pickups and one of the top contenders in sales each year for large sport utes. The proposal would levy an additional fee upon these vehicles due to their enhanced burden on the environment and infrastructure—something along the “You can pay me now or you can pay me later” line of thinking. A federal gas-guzzler tax already exists

“A Heavy Foot and High Opinion”

and exudes additional monies from the likes of supercharged Jags and Mercedes while few domestic cars are affected. Trucks and heavy SUVs are exempt, hence the suggestion to impose such a levy at a more local level. Owners of these fossil fuel chug-aluggers already pay a heavier tax as they use more fuel, so they are paying higher fuel excise fees each time they fill up the tank. And if state registration fees are based on vehicle class and weight, well, there you go again. Let us ponder what would happen should such a tax be added at the state level. Fewer folks buy new trucks. Fewer folks drive new trucks. Fewer folks “pay at the pump.” Fewer taxes are collected. OK, Mr. Feasibility Study, what now? What about that “Rainy Day Fund?” In the words or our well-dressed Governor, “It’s raining, folks.” It may be a bit late to put the top up on the convertible and it is increasingly difficult to find a newspaper to put over your head because you forgot your umbrella. No problem. Just carry a copy of this study with you.