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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

April 11 - 17, 2012

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On Deck

third times a charm

T SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Home GEMS 4 NASCAR Preview 5 Mavs News 6 Stars Season Recap 7 Q & A with Toby Keith 7 Rangers Homes 8 The Ranger Report 8 Cover Story Weekends vs. Weekends 9 Catch & Relax 10 Dash to the Splash 10-11 Millicent Gandy 12 BLITZ Entertainment Lil’ Debbie 13 Seven Things in Seven Days 13 Restaurant Review 14 For Bounty or for Worse 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Hollywood Profile 15 Movie Review 15 Auto Review 16 Gadgets 16 Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Answer Guy 18 2-Minute Drill 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photo Solarpix.com Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith, Jesse Whitman Contributing Photographers Judy Baxter, Dominic Ceraldi, Alan Cleaver, Quoc Cong, Joseph Dowling, Jessica Feis, Dena Flows, Kent Gilley, Brett Jordan, Randy Lemoine, Carl Lender, Maria Ly, Anna Spysz, Sam Teigen, DIFF, Snooty Primadonna, SodaHead, asterix611, jwilly, meandaddy Contributing Writers Ashly Anderson, Cote Bailey, Arthur Bellfield, Bruce Cameron, Tony Casillas, Junior Desinor, Jason Fleck, Angela Navin, Aeryn Ripley, Darnell Scribes

CONTACT US Phone: 214-529-7370 • FAX: 972-960-8618 Email: kreed@blitzweekly.com

BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

his year our Texas Rangers will endeavor to play three consecutive World Series’.

The good news is that this year’s team is mostly the same players with a new rotation and a few young starters. I’m not sure I could make it through another retelling of all our close victories, so let’s just look forward and figure out the playing field ahead. In order to get to the postseason, the Rangers must concentrate on winning the AL West for a third time.

As far as pitchers go, Neftali Feliz is going to start. Derek Holland and Matt Harrison definitely improved over last season, and there’s a good chance that Yu Darvish could surpass all of them. They are all fairly young pitchers and we will have to wait to see how they adjust to new

By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha

good to ignore. I bet there will be a lot of back and forth before the outfield is squared away.

Over in California our most daunting rivals, the Anaheim Angels, added the accomplished Albert Pujols to the roster while they managed to take C.J. Wilson away from us. The Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim will be in Arlington May 11-13 in the first series between the clubs. This may turn out to be a tough series but Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre and Alexi Ogando have a history of stepping up their game in May. In the meantime, the name of the game is health. In 2011, Hamilton, Beltre and Cruz all spent some time on the disabled list, but the team was still able to win a club-record 96 games.

They celebrated their season last week, when the team received their 10-karat white gold

Photo Courtesy: Kent Gilley

pressures and face down tough competitors.

The bullpen is looking pretty good too. In many of the calculated forecasts Mike Adams is seen as one of the best relief pitchers around. And Alexi Ogando could have been an All-Star as a starter and he definitely brings depth to the bullpen. All in all, the forecast systems are pretty decent on figuring out how the season will play out. Although the computers will never be able to fully understand the human elements of where and how often games are played.

In the outfield it looks like we’ll be seeing Craig Gentry with Josh Hamilton in centerfield. This group is going to change throughout the season because with every ball Hamilton makes a play on, there is the chance of injury. And honestly, the mix of Hamilton and David Murphy is just too

2011 American League championship rings. Ian Kinsler said the rings are, “a reminder of what we accomplished last year, and also a reminder of what we want to accomplish. At this time next year, we want to have the words ‘World Series’ on it.” I say bring on the bling, maybe it’ll serve as a motivator and reminder to get them through the summer.

Overall, I’m wide-eyed and optimistic. The Rangers have the capacity to focus and will hopefully get the job done. Last year when they already had the division beat; they kept the pressure on and secured home-field advantage for the division series and the ALCS. Their lineup is one of the deepest in the league, and all that offensive muscle will be needed in the fall. Despite all the posturing by the Angels, I still think this will be another banner year for the Rangers.

Just Levi Me Alone Bristol Palin’s baby daddy Levi Johnston has been branded as a deadbeat dad according to Mama Grizzlies daughter. Johnston allegedly owes over $38,000 in unpaid child support. The Palin clan is hoping that Levi will own up to his responsibility without court intervention.

Yay, you’re famous!

So your cellmates Hey Levi, Palinsneed Pampers will know your name! too!

Conan O’Brien @ConanOBrien I refuse to play the Masters Tournament until Augusta National admits women. I encourage all other non-golfers to do the same.

Steve Martin @SteveMartinToGo My wife lets me go to the Masters clubhouse to meet girls.

Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack There is something existentially sad about a hollow chocolate Easter bunny.

Put It On My Tab Former R&B superstar Montell Jordan must be suffering from a severe case of amnesia because from 1999-2001 he completely forgot to pay his taxes.

How much does he owe?

Just about $627,987.06 give or take six cents. In 2004 the government asked him to pay up and I guess he forgot that too.

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31 Photo Courtesy: Body Bands

home gems...

make your workouts at home priceless

By Jason Fleck – jason.fleck@mavs.uta.edu

W

ith the economic crisis going on, money is tight in many households.

People still need to stay fit but there is no need to go to a gym to do it. If you are looking to just become healthier and feel better about yourself, you are in luck because I am going to give you some tips for products and items that will do the trick. These tips will allow you to never have to leave the comfort of your own home to workout ever again, saving both money and time. Every product or item can be found in your home or at a decent price in store near you.

You will conveniently be able to fit in a workout whenever you have time by assembling your own home gym using these products. From this point on, the choice to be fit and healthy will be totally up to you.

Pull-ups are always a great workout, so why not have one in your home.

Swiss balls can be used for a variety of different workouts. Swiss ball crutches for the core, squats and hamstrings curls for legs, and varieties of push-ups for the upper body. Of course there are many exercises that can be performed so you aren’t doing the same workouts every time.

Everybody has chairs in their homes, so why not use them for more than just what they’re meant for. Those ordinary chairs can be used to perform dips and push-ups for upper body, planks for the core, and step-ups and chair squats for lower body.

Have a significant other, friend, or kids around the house; why not use them for motivation and exercise tools. Your exercise partner can also be used as weight,

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if you are able to lift your partner using proper techniques and of course without hurting yourself.

Put your friend on your back and complete a fireman’s carry, squats, lunges, or calf raises. We all know kids like to picked up and played with so use them.

Weight training bands can be bought in sets and you create tons of full body or single body part workouts with amazing results. Bands are great because of the ability to do multiple exercises in a fluid motion, which makes for a full body workout in less time. For example lunges together with shoulder presses or squats and bicep curls or tricep extensions.

There are so many exercises that can be performed, so be creative and find what works for you.

Photo credits in order of appearance: 1. Sam Teigen 2. Brett Jordan 3. Maria Ly 4. US Army 5. Judy Baxter

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April 11 - 17, 2012

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Photo Courtesy: Alan Cleaver

R

samsung mobile 500

nascar preview

By Bruce Cameron – cameronlpc@sbcglobal.net finishing position of 12.55. Stewart might be seen more as a Hendrick satellite team, given that SHR uses Hendrick engines and technology in both Stewart’s and Ryan Newman’s cars.

Carl Edwards Carl delivered impressive performances last year at TMS with a third-place in April’s race and runnerup in the November AAA Texas 500. Look t o see the rivalry between Edwards and Stewart

ace fans are gearing up for this year’s Samsung Mobile 500 and Nationwide O’Reilly Auto Parts 300. Ticket sales are going well, and we’ll hope that the weather is nice for the event. After watching short-track racing last week in Martinsville, NASCAR drivers and fans welcome the 1.5 mile TMS track. The hopes for some tight racing and possible crashes on the backstretch awaken the spirits of many fans.

Currently, the three top-points drivers are Greg Biffle, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Tony Stewart.

Hendrick Motorsports hopes to win their 200th race this week, at TMS. Henrick’s hopes were dashed in Martinsville, and you can bet that all eyes will be on one of his fleet of drivers to win Texas. Obviously, Hendrick will achieve this goal, but to do this in Texas will put TMS on the map in an entirely new way.

Driver Updates Dale Earnhardt Jr. Dale Jr. has achieved three top-five finishes in the first six races. Jr. is in the midst of a 135-race winless streak. He has earned three of his 10 top10 finishes, at TMS, in his past four appearances.

He finished ninth in last year’s Samsung Mobile 500, and seventh in November’s AAA Texas 500.

All in all, Jr. will come to TMS on a hot streak from the past six weeks. Sweet Jesus; would that be something if Dale Jr. actually won in Texas, and picked up the 200th team victory for Rick Hendrick and Hendrick Motorsports? If this should occur, look for a complete re-boost of Jr.’s career.

Tony Stewart A not-so-arch competitor to the Hendrick squad, Tony Stewart, had an impressive run in last year’s AAA Texas 500 in November. Tony ranks fourth all time, at Texas Motor Speedway, with an average

continue here in Texas.

Greg Biffle Biffle is the current points leader. Greg won here in Texas in 2005. He has a fresh streak of top 10 finishes. Biffle is consistent, and consistency could bring him a large victory at TMS. Kasey Kahne Kasey no longer drives for Red Bull. He is now a member of the Hendrick dynasty. Kahne has had several poles this season, but due to what many

call “terrible luck”, he has been unable to convert his talent into strong finishes. This said, watch for Kahne to do well this weekend in Texas. Kahne could pull a “sleeper” win for himself and get the 200th victory for Hendrick in the process.

Danica Patrick Danica Patrick returns to Texas, and will be driving the #7 GoDaddy car, in the Nationwide O’Reilly Auto Parts 300 race Friday. Texas Motor Speedway already has a “Biggest Little Fan” campaign, where you can send in pictures of kids showing their love for Danica.

The NASCAR Nationwide Series will be in its 6th race at Texas. Elliott Sadler leads in front of Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and Austin Dillon. Danica Patrick currently holds the 17th slot in the NNS standings.

Texas Motor Speedway will continue to hold its “No Limits Garage Party” for season-ticket holders.

This year’s event will feature sumo wrestling exhibitions, 10 MMA bouts and four 45-minute World’s Strongest Man matches. During the “No Limits” Garage Party, however, athletes will dead lift a 3,400-pound NASCAR Sprint Cup Series stock car.

The Foreigner Acoustique - Classics Unplugged concert will kick off race week at Texas Motor Speedway before the race on Saturday, April 14.

They will perform the unique acoustic versions of several of Foreigner’s greatest hits at the outdoor venue.class, tradition, and staying power – and they will be back to fight another day. So stand up Jayhawks and remember Rocky. He didn’t beat Apollo Creed; he survived Apollo Creed – with pride. Then he came back and beat the snot outta him.

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31 Photo Courtesies: Joseph Dowling

Upcoming Schedule: 4/12 @Warriors 9:30 p.m.

4/13 @ Trail blazers 9:30 p.m.

4/15 @Lakers 2:30 p.m.

4/16 @Jazz 8:00 p.m.

rock and a hard place

MAVS road to the postseason might be an uphill climb

T

he Dallas Mavericks haven’t been in this situation in a long time. They are down to nine games and they still have yet to lockup a postseason spot. They continue to say the right things but they cannot deny that this season has felt like one big hangover after winning the NBA Finals last year. They simply look gassed night in and night out routinely getting out rebounded and out hustled but they aren’t letting it show if they are worried.

By Geoff Case – @geoffcase

erations Donnie Nelson said Monday after the team concluded practice. “We got to be able to look down that bench and count on folks to be consistent. The writing was on the wall after the team was completely silent regarding Odom’s role on this team after this Grizzlies’ loss. Rick Carlisle was asked if there remains hope that Odom can provide anything for the team. The coach’s response: “No Lamar questions tonight.” When

“No concern at all,” guard Terry said. “I know if we’re healthy and intact that we’re as dangerous as any other team in the West.”

There is some truth to what Terry is talking about; Dallas has only played just 14 games this season with its full complement of players. The latest player to have injury woes is arguably the most important. Point guard Jason Kidd missed his fourth consecutive game with a strained right groin and it’s no surprise that Dallas has had long stretches where they struggle to score. Dallas made just 2 of 15 shots in the first quarter last Saturday against the Grizzlies highlighting the missing guard even further. Roddy Beaubois and Delonte West can score but struggle running the offense. There is light on the horizon, Kidd supposedly will return for Dallas’ next game against the Sacramento Kings. However, there are no guarantees that the 39-year-old, who has dealt with three injuries this season, will be able to be the player he was during last season’s championship run.

The Mavs lost for a second consecutive night, 94-89, and dropped to the seventh seed in the Western Conference standings. Things are beginning to get a bit desperate, with six of their final nine games on the road. Mavs Head Coach Rick Carlisle still thinks his team has what it takes. “We had a lot of fighters out there…..Going down the stretch here, that’s what it’s going to be about.”

Brandan Wright playing big The lone bright spot during this brutal stretch has been the play of former lottery pick Brandan Wright. Wright continued his highlight-reel stretch of games with several more Saturday at Memphis. Gaining extra minutes with Ian Mahinmi out to witness the birth of his child, Wright had 16 points and six rebounds while playing 36 minutes. Wright’s energy and athleticism has given the Mavs a different look in the post forcing teams to think twice about double teaming Dirk Nowitzki. Lamar Odom is done in Dallas.

“We’re in our playoff time right here. We need to win games,” Mavs president of basketball opVisit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Odom was asked about his lack of minutes last Saturday he just shrugged his shoulders. “(Friday) night I didn’t play a lot, tonight same thing. At least there’s some consistency in that.” His response is really just a microcosm of the way Lamar’s season had gone up to that point. The Mavericks had been hoping that Lamar could turn it on during the season but they were eventually forced to give up. The Lamar Odom experiment in Dallas has been absolutely shocking. A player so versatile should have been right at home in Rick Carlisle’s schemes especially with Kidd running the point (Ask Marion). The Mavs tried coddling Odom trying to build up his confidence but in the end nothing worked. The cold hard reality for Mavs organization is that Lamar Odom simply did not want to play basketball anymore. He might discover his love for the game during the next few seasons but he most certainly was checked out during his time in a Mavs uniform.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

April 11 - 17, 2012 Photos Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

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Photos Courtesy: meandaddy

stardust- a frustrating finish for stars

sidelines with tony casillas

By Tony Barone – tbarone@blitzweekly.com

By Tony Casillas – www.tonycasillas.net

and country superstar Toby keith

dallas misses the playoffs again

games during this stretch of the season. The Stars would also prove that they would be a terrible team on the second night of back-to-backs and it would haunt them the rest of the season.

After the break they would only win four of the next 11 games and looked like they had no chance to make the playoffs. After struggling all season, Brenden Morrow went on the injured reserve with back, neck and shoulder issues.

O

ur resident all-around awesome interview guy, Tony Casillas, got a chance to sit down and chew the fat so to speak with iconic country music superstar Toby Keith. They talked football, Red Solo Cups and hatched a plan to take over the world…

Q. Toby, you were selected “Artist of the Decade” by the Country Music Awards and Forbes listed you as the top grossing country music artist of 2011 earning $50 million! Congratulations, not a bad year!

A. You can’t judge the boy by his clothes, I’m just thankful that my fans continue to buy my records and like my music.

Q. Speaking of fans, I’m one of your biggest.

I’ve seen several of your shows and each show is better than the next.

A. Thanks TC, I try to bring it for four quarters and create a show that is memorable…and powerful!

Q. You mentioned “four quarters.” Right before you broke into the music industry, you played a little football, right?

A. I played in the USFL (Oklahoma City Drillers) in 1984—defensive lineman. Then I decided that music was in my blood, but I love football.

of the season though. There were signs of trouble throughout a wild up-and-down year.

Here are some key events, which summarize just how the season went for this team.

Dallas got off to a great start this season, one of the best in the NHL as they only lost three of their first 14 games of the season. Dallas made a key move in the middle of October when they signed a recently released Eric Nystrom. He would lead the team in goals for the first couple months of the season.

Injuries to two key players affected the team differently. Alex Goligoski went out with a thumb injury and the first signs of a really ineffective power play started to raise its ugly head. Then Kari Lehtonen suffered a groin injury, opening the door for rookie Richard Bachman who playsed great and won five of his seven, started after backup Andrew Raycroft was ineffective in the starting role.

From Christmas till the All-Star break, the Stars would play some of their worst hockey of the season. Dallas would only win five of 13

He would miss the next month and would be nowhere near the player he was last season.

Then, suddenly, the Stars play their best hockey in 13 years as they win 10 of the next 11 games and gather points in 11 straight games. They would suddenly find themselves atop the Pacific Division after languishing in the 10-12 spots in the Western Conference for much of the season.

The killer loss of the season for the Stars was on their last Canadian trip of the season when, after leading 2-1, they gave up an inexcusable goal on a mistake by the usually reliable Mike Ribeiro and lost 5-3. They were then blown out in three straight games against the Vancouver Canucks and San Jose Sharks.

There’s a lot to be hopeful for though as the offseason hits the Dallas Stars. They will finally have some money to get some good free agents and the younger players are starting to make an impact on the team. Perhaps next season will (finally) be different.

W

ith a playoff spot and destiny in their own hands, the Dallas Stars failed miserably down the stretch of the 2011-2012 season and as a result missed the playoffs for the fourth straight season. It’s the second straight season that a playoff spot was forcibly ripped out of their mitts at the end of the season.

The playoff spot wasn’t all lost at the end

Q. You made the right decision!

A. [Laughing] You think so?

Q. When you were 21 years old, you worked in the oil fields as the foreman on an oil rig. Is it true you actually had to leave your band Easy Money in the middle of a show?

A. True Story. I had a responsibility; so when there was a problem on the oil rig, I was the manager.

So, I would sometimes have to leave my band and take care of the problem. That job paid my bills.

Q. In 2001, you wrote the song Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American). What inspired you to write that song?

A. My dad died in March of 2001, and he was a veteran. When the attack of the Twin Towers happened on 9/11, I felt it would be a great tribute to him…and our country.

Q. Alright, you have great anthem songs; your latest is Red Solo Cup, which is brilliant!

A. Actually, we decided to produce the song and release it through YouTube and not charge anything. Man, the song became viral and obviously it has been a huge success. That’s what’s great about this business—you never know.

By the way, I’m up for a Kids’ Choice award … pretty cool.

Q. Ok, I know you’re a huge Oklahoma Sooner football fan and supporter. What do you think about the 2012 season?

A. TC, I am always optimistic. They have a good quarterback; and they hired Mike Stoops, Bob Stoops’ brother, so they will hopefully get a surge on defense. I think we will be pretty good.

Q. Last thing, should I sing a little Red Solo Cup to you?

A. [Laughing] TC, lets go play some golf.

This interview is dedicated to our friend and fellow writer Coach Joe Avezzano, who passed away unexpectedly April 5, 2012.

You can catch College Hall of Famer Tony Casillas every Saturday night on the Nicole Barrett Show from 8-9pm on 570KLIF and follow the Two-Time Super Bowl Champion on Twitter @TCCasillas.

Art by: Do-u-know-me Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31 Photos Courtesy: Kent Gilley

Upcoming Schedule: 4/11 Mariners 7:05 p.m.

4/12 Mariners 1:05 p.m.

4/13 @ Twins 7:10 p.m.

4/14 @ Twins 12:05 p.m.

4/15 @ Twins 1:10 p.m.

4/17 @ Red sox 6:10 p.m.

A look at where some of your favorite players reside

By Junior Desinor – www.levelproperties.com

the right fielder and slugger lives just a few miles from the stadium. Cruz’s 5-bedroom, 4-bath custom home measures 4000+ square feet and boasts a backyard paradise including a saltwater pool, spa, and waterfall. Estimated value: $490,000.

A

t last count, All-Star Texas Ranger Michael Young holds at least eight club records including an incredible 1,667 games played and 2,061 hits. So when the 13year major leaguer wants some downtime at home, he hangs his hat at this spectacular 7,700 square foot Mediterranean style home in University Park.

The spacious 2-story house is complete with 5 bedrooms, 4 living areas, 3 fireplaces, and 2 dining areas. Built in 2006, the custom home blends perfectly with the historic neighborhood. Estimated value: $3.8 million.

Ranger centerfielder and 2010 American League MVP Josh Hamilton resides in the small town of Westlake, which was recently named “Most Affluent Neighborhood” by Forbes online. Hamilton’s 8,651 square foot estate sits on a beautiful 1-acre wooded lot tucked away at the end of a cul-de-sac.

For ultimate relaxation, a backyard oasis is carved perfectly into manicured landscaping and includes a sparkling pool adorned with stone waterfalls.

Estimated value: $3 million.

By Mark Miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

I

f the Texas Rangers’ pitchers keep performing like they did during the opening weekend of 2012, there’s a very good chance the team will be back in the World Series.

Not only did the top three starters keep their team in each game against the Chicago White Sox at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, the relievers yielded just one run. And with enough hitting in games Friday and Sunday, the Rangers took the series.

Crest neighborhood. It’s been rumored that Holland has recently become engaged. Not to worry – his house, measuring 5,700 square feet, should be spacious enough for him and his new bride. The clubhouse crackup can also hone his Schwarzenegger and Harry Caray impersonations while relaxing in the home’s outdoor living area complete with outside fireplace and nestled against a lagoon style pool with waterfalls. Estimated value: $935,000.

Ron Washington, who was born in New Orleans, still calls the Big Easy his home. In fact, he still lives

in the same home he bought in 1986 and is located in the notorious Ninth Ward. But during the season, the skipper can drive to the stadium in just minutes from his sprawling 4,300 square foot Arlington home. An upstairs balcony overlooks a perfectly manicured lawn and magnificent pool complete with spa. Estimated value: $411,000.

During the off season, Nelson Cruz reportedly spends much of his time in his home country Dominican Republic; but in-season, he has a quick commute to home games at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington as

solid pitching keys good start

Junior is a real estate expert and CEO of Level Properties, a Dallas-based real estate brokerage firm serving both residential and commercial clients

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All three Texas starters went six innings against the rebuilding White Sox. Colby Lewis got the starters off well by yielding two runs on seven hits in the 3-2 Opening Day win. After a shaky start, Derek Holland settled down to yield just three runs on three hits on Saturday and Matt Harrison gave up no runs on four hits on Sunday.

Except for one pitch, the bullpen was stellar yield-

When Derek “Dutch Oven” Holland is not mowing down batters with a 95 mph fastball, he can relax in his luxurious custom home in Dallas’ exclusive Royal

THE ranger report

ing just one run and five hits in nine innings. Alexi Ogando stopped all six hitters he faced. Mike Adams gave up two hits in two innings. Closer Joe Nathan yielded just one hit in two innings but it was a home run by Alex Rios that won Saturday’s game 4-3. Even Robbie Ross pitched well in his major league debut Sunday, putting down Adam Dunn, Paul Konerko and Rios after an opening walk.

After scoring three runs with just one home run the first two games, the Rangers busted out with five runs Sunday mostly thanks for home runs by David Murphy, Adrian Beltre and a 440-foot shot

by Josh Hamilton on Sunday. Hamilton added two great catches in center field to help preserve a 5-0 victory. About the only negative offensive statistic was the eight men left on base on Saturday.

“It happens,” said Manager Ron Washington.

“We got them out there but just didn’t get hits in scoring position. You have to credit their pitching.

If we get that many on base in the future we will get them in.”

First homestand ending Texas concludes the first homestand of 2012 on Wednesday and Thursday against Seattle. The Mariners started the season with three wins in four games against the Oakland A’s splitting two games in Japan and winning two in Oakland.

Seattle’s big change was moving perennial All-Star Ichiro Suzuki from lead-off to third in the batting order and placing veteran Chone Figgins at the top. The change worked against Oakland as Suzuki had seven hits and drove in three runs and Figgins had six hits and four RBI in the first four games.

After Thursday’s game, the Rangers start their first road trip at Minnesota. The Twins scored just five runs in losing all three games of their opening series to the Baltimore Orioles. Only Justin Morneau (.400) and Josh Willingham (.333, three RBI), batted over .250. Starting pitchers Carl Pavano and Francisco Liriano struggled giving up four and five runs, respectively.

Following their first off day on Monday, the Rangers go to Boston for two games starting Tuesday. Under new Manager Bobby Valentine, the Red Sox also lost their first three games to Detroit the last two when the bullpen failed to hold leads. Boston lost closer Andrew Bailey for at least half the season to right thumb surgery so finishing games could be problem all season.

The Red Sox scored just two runs in their first two games before exploding for 12 in a 13-12 loss Sunday. Ryan Sweeney, David Ortiz and Adrian Gonzalez each had five Boston hits.

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April 11 - 17, 2012

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Weekends on the Water VS. Weekends at Home (Check all that you would rather have and see which is the better weekend)

Here is our list of places to take a dip in DFW Lake Lewisville - Lewisville Lake Ray Hubbard - Dallas

Weekends on the Water

Weekends at Home

Seeing attractive women in bikinis

Seeing attractive women in bikinis on TV

Getting that perfect tan

Watching Snooki get a tan on reruns of Jersey Shore

Sit around a bonfire and sing kum ba yah

Getting to level 9 of Skyrim in your favorite Metallica t-shirt

Play Frisbee on the beach with your dog Go fishing with your buddies Help the kids find the coolest seashell ever Upload cooler Facebook photos to trump everyone at work

Play a fun game of “yes dear” with the wife Go to that Arts & Crafts Expo your wife was telling you about Sit on the couch, eat beef jerky and scratch yourself (insert primal grunt here) Sit on Facebook all day like everyone else at work

Bahama Beach Waterpark – Dallas Grapevine Lake - Grapevine Joe Pool Lake – North Texas Great Wolf Lodge – Grapevine Hawaiian Falls Waterpark – Multiple locations Six Flags Hurricane Harbor – Arlington NRH2O Waterpark – North Richland Hills Burger’s Lake – Fort Worth

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

To get the right fish you better have the right stuff.

Shimano Stella STL3000FE This freshwater/saltwater hybrid reel is lightweight, durable, carbon coated and ready to get that trophy worthy catch out of the water and into your boat.

G.Loomis GLX Series Trigger Rod This is the top of the line in freshwater graphite rods. It’s light, strong and high-performance. Even if you don’t catch anything you’ll still look like a fisherman.

By Cote Bailey @BlitzWeekly In my opinion, man is at his best when man is on the water. This summer gain the favor of Poseidon and travel his seas in style. Too often we talk about going out to have fun on the lake, but we never get around to actually doing it – not this year! This year we shall be kings of the rivers and lords of the lakes. Fear us lowly guppies in your inadequately horse-powered lady boats. Put on your floatees and doggie paddle away from our vessels of nautical superiority. Bow before us on the dock and thank the heavens above that we even ride the same rivers as you. Make way, the champs are here.

Sea-Doo GTX Limited iS 260 Plano FTO Elite Hydro-Flo Tackle Systems The Elite is water and impact-resistant plus it comes with two retractable tool holders. This is the last tackle box that you’ll ever need.

Self-titled “The Yacht of Personal Watercraft” the GTX is like a floating Rolls Royce. Sea-Doo pulled out all the stops on this one with fully intelligent suspension, iControl technology, Speed Ties, 35-function digital information center, ultra-plush touring seat and I believe it even comes with a butler in a wetsuit. ($16,899)

Simrad NSE8 Chartplotter Find out where all the fish are and don’t lose yourself in the process. The Simrad utilizes low power LED technology and comes preloaded with premium navigation charts.

Kawasaki Jet Ski Ultra 300Lx This three-passenger high-performance Jet Ski is supercharged with an intercooled 1,498cc engine pumping out 300 hp. It’s fast and agile. Think of it like a water cheetah – a badass water cheetah (as if there are any other kind). The Ultra 300LX also has the largest fuel tank in its class. The only downside is that it only comes in one color. A better way to spray has yet to be invented. ($15,199)

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

April 11 - 17, 2012

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Yamaha 212X Finally, a way to make the Jones’ have to keep up with you. The 212X is one of the most likeable and practical boats to ever be built for recreational purposes.

The aluminum wakeboard tower is awesome, the performance is incredible, and price tag is doable. Make sure to YouTube your neighbors reactions when they see this in your driveway. ($43, 999)

Laser Performance Sunfish Sailboat The single most popular sailboat in history (other than Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria) has maintained its ability to make sailing enjoyable to people of all ages. It has classic styling and is unbelievably easy to put up, take down, and handle.

Learn how to race them and impress the ladies with your nautical skills. Anyone can turn on an engine; it takes a real man to sail. ($4,695)

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

See more of Millicent and others at Blitzweekly.com Model: Millicent Gandy, Makeup Artist: Nancy Lam, Photography: Quoc Cong , www.xophotography.net Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Millicent

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

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Street style 101: Lil’ Debbie unwrapped

By By Mateeka Lanee’ – Mateekalanee.wordpress.com Mateeka Lanee– www.mateekalanee.wordpress.com

S

Singer, raptress, fashion designer…Oakland, California’s Lil’ Debbie does it all. As a former member of the music group White Girl Mob, she performed alongside popular underground female rapper Kreayshawn and has most recently done music with the hip-hop artist Riff Raff. After a cloud of drama in late 2011 left her divided from her group members, Debbie decided to regroup and refocus on her life, rather than lashing out angrily in the way of most outcast musicians (i.e. The Backstreet Boys, New Edition, Destiny’s Child and The Fugees).

An underground style icon in the Los Angeles area, she’s turned all 5’4’’ of her energy toward creating a closet niche for herself in urban fashion. After high school, Debbie attended the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising (FIDM), undeniably with hopes of starting her own fashion business. Her personal style seems to be influenced by the late Amy Winehouse, vintage pin-up queens, and the streets of Compton, while she names model Kate Moss, beer heiress Daphne Guinness, and the late Andy Warhol muse Edie Sedgwick among her personal style icons. She is also a fan of the hard edge of men’s clothes, naming Doc Martens, Jordans, and button-ups as staples in her wardrobe.

While there are already many venues online dedicated to following Lil’ Debbie’s style choices, the fashionista herself is preparing to dabble in a bit of designing, working on lines with UK line F2D Clothing, as well as Los Angeles’ LA Clique. I recently had an opportunity to ask her more about her style, her work, and her own worst fashion moments.

You’ve been through a lot of drama in the past few months, but have come out of it clean and ready to move forward. What are your goals for the rest of 2012?

Yeah, 2011 was really a challenge for me. Talk about high drama!

But 2012 is the DO IT ALL year. I’ve got my Debbie’s World series that we do once or twice a month on my LilDebbieTV channel on YouTube, there are some clothing collaborations with F2D in the UK and LA Clique in Los Angeles, some radio spots and interviews, I put out a music video with Riff Raff which was a complete spur of the moment, fun thing, a couple of hosting events and a surprise or two coming as well. I’ve also got some personal goals like quitting cigarettes, getting up earlier and things like that. We’ll see how

THAT goes. LOL!!!

sew is so expensive. High minimums and it’s really expensive to manufacture in this country. We’ll see how it goes!

How would you describe your personal fashion style as of today?

Fun, wild, comfortable, sometimes girly but usually more unisex. I do love men’s clothes. Like, I’ll wear my Doc Martens with lacy tights, shorts and a men’s button up. And I’ll throw a leather biker jacket on if it’s cold outside. That kind of thing.

What influences you on any given day when you’re putting outfits together?

So many things! Sometimes, it’s a pair of new shoes I just gotta wear RIGHT NOW so I build from there.

Sometimes it’s the mood I’m in. Other times it’s just the weather! I don’t like to be cold so I’ll layer and bundle up. And of course its all about accessories. LOL! I pile them on sometimes....

I understand you’ve got fashion projects coming up both here in the States and abroad. Can you tell us a little about them?

What is your go-to outfit?

Yeah, I definitely have a “go to” outfit. Leggings, a button-up (I like plaid so it’s usually a plaid shirt) or a V-neck sweater with J’s or Doc’s or flats.

Well, I’m collaborating with F2D Clothing in the UK; Varsity jackets, some beanies, hoodies.

It’s slowly coming out now. And then there’s my sweaters done with LA Clique in Los Angeles that are just hitting the stores now. I’m working together with Miss Wax on some jewelry but I’m not sure when that’ll drop and then I have my own Lil’ Debbie store on my website that has fan merch.

Did you ever go through a particularly bad style period in your life?

Oh yeah! Most definitely. Especially in middle school. I was NOT the cool kid at school to say the least...LOL! And then one day it all came together and I didn’t care what other people thought and just did ME. You have to be who you are otherwise you’ll be miserable. Seriously.

How about your own line of unisex clothing?

What’s the concept behind that?

The concept is to bring a bit of a feminine feel to unisex street wear but it’s hard to do because cut and Photo Courtesies: Dena Flows, asterix611, colvanz718, Jessica Feis, Carl Lender, DIFF, Randy Lemoine

WED. 4/11

Marilyn Manson & The Pretty RECKLESS Palladium Ballroom – Dallas The strangest man with a band stops here in Dallas to rain down his musical darkness. Expect there to be something wicked this way coming. And by something we mean Marilyn. 8pm.

thurs.

4/12

Wildlife education day at the ballpark Ballpark at Arlington – Arlington The Dallas Zoo and the Rangers team up and teach kids about a variety of animals before the first pitch against the Mariners.

It’s a great addition to an already great family outing. 10am.

Fri. 4/13

Tyga The Southside Music Hall – Dallas Young Money’s west coast powerhouse will be bringing his lyrical skills and head-to-toe tattoos to DFW. We wonder if he’ll bring his gold-plated Audi R8 GT. 8pm.

Sat. 4/14

The Devil’s Carnival Lakewood Theater – Dallas The “film fusion” carnival will keep you entertained with fun, costumes, burlesque, and centers around the ringleader who happens to be well… the devil. This is one crazy opera. 8pm.

Sun. 4/15

Leon Russel Granada – Dallas The piano playing living legend is coming to the Granada and brings his rock & roll pedigree with him. This guy has worked with every rock god in your iPod and them some.

7pm.

mon.

4/16

Dallas International film festival DIFF Festival Village – Dallas Experience all the fanfare and cinematic bliss of the DIFF April 12-18. There will be almost 180 films from all over the globe.

Not bad. 10am.

tues.

4/17

la cage aux folles Fair Park – Dallas Is that George Hamilton?

Yes, yes it is George Hamilton in all his bronzecolored goodness. This musical is about glitz, glamour and nitelife. 8pm.

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

Perry’s

Steakhouse & GrillE a WHOLE lot at “steak”

Texas definitely knows steak and Dallas in particular can hold claim on the title of Grill Master. With that being said, it is no surprise that Perry’s Steakhouse & Grill can make one good enough to eat. What makes Perry’s special is that they make one good enough to come back for – again and again. Since 1979 the good people there have been mastering the skill of the grill and it shows. As compere of the DFW steak scene, Perry’s reputation is on the line with every customer that walks through the door and they have to deliver that perfect steak every time. Luckily for them (or is it luckily for us?) they deliver.

SETTING The restaurant’s main dining room layout is elegant and upscale but still retains its masculinity by incorporating a wine cellar theme and hard-edged chandelier lighting. Should you need a private room ask about the Cellar Room that has a very Al Capone feel to it with wall-to-wall oak barrels. The soft lighting is reminiscent of Houston’s and makes for a more authentic steakhouse ambiance.

FOOD Come with your taste buds prepared for a vacation.

Whether you go for the Prime Bone-In New York Strip or the Double-Cut Lamb Chop the results should be identical. Amazing. On other occasions I have also had the Petite Surf & Turf consisting of a six oz. Filet Mignon and a four oz. Maine Lobster tail, which was so good it was nearly an out-of-body experience. Truth be told, the steamed asparagus was a bit undercooked, but you don’t go to a steakhouse to eat asparagus do you?

By Angela Navin – @BlitzWeekly

Perry’s Steakhouse & Grill 2000 McKinney Ave Dallas, TX 75201 (214) 855-5151 perryssteakhouse.com Hours: Mon-Thu 11am-10pm Fri 11am-11pm Sat 4pm-11pm Sun 4pm-9pm

Photos Courtesy: Snooty Primadonna

SERVICE The waiters and waitresses there were fairly knowledgeable and could guide you through the menu and its details as close to effortlessly as it gets; the wine menu was more of a task. Of course because of Perry’s popularity it is always better to call ahead to assure speedy seating. Once your order makes it into the kitchen you should have time to start you conversation and not reach the point of utter boredom before your meal comes out.

Everything was prompt; from greetings to orders, beverage refills, right down to check closeout.

BLITZ-WORTHY The Prime Three Peppercorn 14 oz. New York Strip would satisfy anyone who ever questioned

whether or not Perry’s was DFW steak royalty.

This restaurant is completely suited to impress the significant other in your life. Ladies think of this as the perfect place to take that gainfully employed caveman that you wish to show some culture to and guys this is the type of steakhouse you bring her when you wish to erase that whole Outback fiasco from her memory. There is a massive wine selection, excellent seafood, chicken, and salads.

Perry’s has the recipe to make anyone a steak impulse buyer.

Must haves: Ahi Tuna Duo, Pecan-Crusted Snapper, Bone-In New York Strip, or Symphony Kabob Who eats there: Wine connoisseurs, hopeless romantics, and discerning carnivores

For bounty or for worse

Photo Courtesy: SodaHead

bountygate leaves a trail reminiscent of smu death penalty

L

By Darnell Scribes - @myboxseat.com ately the New Orleans Saints have been in the news for some “UnSaintly” behavior. The team is in turmoil after the penalties levied by league commissioner Roger Goodell left them virtually coachless and desperately hoping not to become the “New Orleans Ain’ts” again.

It wasn’t that long ago that everyone was praising Drew Brees and Coach Sean Payton as the saviors of the bayou by bringing the Lombardi to Bourbon Street. They brought the city and the organization its first championship. A Super Bowl win for the New Orleans Saints, a prize that was for most of the teams existence just a dream only to be dreamed in privacy and never spoken aloud.

Since that Super Bowl win in 2009 the “The Who Dats” had been a NFL powerhouse especially in the offensive category. Ironically, the team’s defense

would prove to be their Achilles heel.

In all fairness no one should be surprised by the actions that defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and how New Orleans chose to use to motivate their defense. I can remember being in the eighth grade and being pushed by coaches to make big plays (interceptions, sacks, and big hits). When we did do something worthy we were rewarded with a sticker the coaches had named “the ugly man”.

And you better believe that I made every tackle thinking of how many “ugly men” I got to paste to my helmet. Now as an adult if I were still playing football and doing it for my career, my performance incentive would have to be currently relevant. I’m thinking that money would be just the thing that would get my attention.

According to the league, Saints defensive captain Jonathan Vilma offered $10,000 to any player who knocked

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then Vikings QB Favre out of a game.

As a defensive player in the NFL you are asked to be a modern day gladiator, a headhunter. Only playmakers get the huge multi-year contracts by keeping the fans tuned in for the fireworks.

Gregg Williams has been a highly respected and successful defensive mind in the NFL for a number of years and I am very sure that his tactics are not original or isolated to New Orleans. The commissioner has been well aware of the fact that this had been going on. In a memo to the NFL’s 32 teams, Goodell ordered owners to make sure their clubs are not offering bounties now. Each club’s principal owner and head coach must certify in writing that no pay-for-performance system exists. Goodell even allegedly warned the Saints to stop this practice of targeting players and rewarding caused injuries. The Saints decided to ignore

this “cease and desist order” in essence calling the bluff of the commissioner.

The way this has been handled gives validity to a claim of many that this is how the majority of defenses in the NFL operate. I can only imagine the promises given by the coaches of teams that truly use defense and intimidation as their bread and butter. Anyone who plays quarterback knows that every sack is an attempt to end his game that day. Now I don’t believe that this current focus on the bounties will do anything change the culture of football. It is violent, fast and unforgiving and you get praised for being the fastest, most violent and least forgiving. No one knows this better that former Saints special teams player Steve Gleason who is now battling ALS, a disorder that is very possibly caused by repeated blows to the head. The same type of blows that Coach Williams allegedly called for his

players to make on opposing teams according to an audio file from Sean Pamphilon’s documentary about Gleason’s struggle. The world will have to see how the New Orleans Saints and the tough guy image of the NFL rebounds from this scandal.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

April 11 - 17, 2012

HollywoodPROFILE

with

Vivian Fullerlove

Matt Lauer - Now officially tops the list of “Most Overpaid People at NBC.” Lauer finalized his long-term deal for $30 million a year. And for those of you who think athletes make a lot of money trust us Matt will be headliningthe news long after Lebron has stopped shooting jumpers.

The Situation - Is back in society after a brief stint at Cirque Lodge rehab center. Sitch, whose real name is Mike Sorrentino, wanted to “get control of a prescription medication problem.” Which is good because without him Jersey Shore would be a show about a bunch of loser drugies with bad tans…wait.

Jim Belushi - Learned the hard way that Martha’s Vineyard and weed don’t mix. Jim attempted to bring a joint through M.V. aiport last Friday when TSA agents discovered it and confiscated it. The amount was small enough that no charges had to be filed. Lucky Jimbo.

The stars have aligned and they are all converging right here in Dallas! If you’ve noticed an unusual number of red carpets around the city, it’s because the biggest, most star-studded event of the year rolled out this week. The Dallas International Film Festival (DIFF) is officially underway until April 22nd, and like always, this year’s event has something for everyone.

If you love film, or if you think you love film, I strongly encourage you to check out some of the happenings at DIFF this year!

Film screenings begin on Friday, April 13th and venues include the Angelika Film Center at Mockingbird Lane, Magnolia Theatre, AMC Theatres NorthPark, the Texas Theatre on Jefferson and the Horchow Auditorium at The Dallas Museum of Art. The film lineup features the best from Texas, the nation and around the world. On Saturday, April 13th DIFF presents the popular family day of film screenings showcases fantastic films that are safe for even the littlest film fans. With a bit of carnival flair, Family Day revolves around DIFF’s screenings of several family films from around the world at AMC NorthPark. In addition, musicians, artists, performers and storytellers will entertain the entire family, and children can participate in educational arts and crafts projects. “We are delighted to once again present our

the time that has passed since they all worked together. IT becomes increasingly harder for their iconiccharacters to still provided the laughs, although in our more matured minds you almost feel guilty for indulging in the sophomoric humor.

That’s where the movie has its biggest

free Family Day to the public,” said Renee Contreras, director of education, membership and outreach for the Dallas Film Society. “It’s so enjoyable to share the art of film with young cinema buffs and their families, and we are looking forward to a day full of fun and learning.”

If star gazing if your thing, get ready. Special celebrity attendees of this year’s fest include Academy Award nominees Laura Linney (Truman Show, Mystic River and Kinsey) and Gabourey Sidibe (Precious).

Linney is being honored with the Dallas Star Award for her remarkable contribution to modern cinema. “Laura Linney is a true star of the stage and screen - a star whose light shines brighter as each year passes,” said James Faust, artistic director of the Dallas Film Society. “She is an actress who consistently delivers powerful performances that never fail to bring you into the heart of her character. She can be raw, vulnerable, power ful, enigmatic, poignant, comedic, dramatic and, at the same time, utterly beautiful. She personifies what the Dallas Star Award is all about and it is a huge privilege for us all in Dallas to honor her this year.” You can also enjoy ‘A Conversation with Laura Linney’ which will take place at 11:00 a.m on April 21st at the Nasher

Photo Courtesies: jwilly & Anna Spysz

Sculpture Center followed by a screening of her film You Can Count On Me, in which she received her first of three Oscar nominations, at 2:45 p.m at the Angelika Film Center in Mockingbird Station. Sidibe has been selected to receive the 2012 DIFF Shining Star Award. Sidibe was a student pursuing a degree in psychology when she landed the heartbreaking role of Precious, which garnered her an Oscar nod for Best Actress in a Leading Role.

So, whether you love watching movies or making movies, the Dallas International Film Festival is the only place to be for two glorious weeks in April! There’s even a section on site for all you DIFF virgins to help you get the most out of the festing experience. For a full line up of all the films, special events, panel discussions and to purchase tickets, visit www.dallasfilm.org. I’m sure I’ll see you at the movies!

By Aeryn Ripley comments@blitzweekly.com dilemma; how do we make people that were high schoolers nearly fifteen years ago laugh at the same things today? It’s hard and sometimes the movie comes off a bit awkward and feels to be reaching.

Without a doubt the guy that saved this movie from the ghost of National Lampoon’s past is Jim’s Dad (Eugene Levy). This guy

MovieReview of American Reunion Hey I have an idea, let’s round up all the actors from American Pie, American Pie 2, American Wedding and have a reunion movie (a 13-year class reunion)! But wait that will be impossible because they all are busying shooting new movies and jet setting around the world…wait they’re all free…seriously none of them are working? Great! American Reunion brings us back to our high school days, kinda. Jim (Jason Biggs), the band camp girl (Alyson Hannigan), Stilfer (Seann William Scott), OZ (Chris Klien) and everyone else are now in their 30’s and life is a bit different other than Stilfer’s Mom, who is still a MILF. The cast still has a good chemistry despite

vfullerlove@blitzweeky.com

By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly

15

stole every scene that he showed up in from beginning to end (mentally bookmark the Shannon Elizabeth scene).

So yes it’s hard seeing the guys and girls that we laughed at in high school get older and a little soft around the belly, but they are still the gang.

Who cares that the powers that be behind the American Pie franchise were three years late with doing the 10 year reunion movie, none of that matters when the story is based around a guy that f**ks pies. Expect fewer laughs than the original and for it to be far less interesting of a film, but nevertheless go out to see this movie and remember why they say, “eventually we all have to grow up.”

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April 11 - 17, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

AuTOReview: 2012 Mercedes-benz SLK350 FAST, but a little feminine

By David Goodspeed– dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

A

Ah, spring is in the air and for many our thoughts are turned towards taking some weekend (or even weeklong) getaways as we welcome back warmer weather, high pollen counts (and fuel prices) and top-down driving.

Quite often Mother Nature and the schedulers of my press fleet vehicles do not coordinate their efforts but nonetheless convertibles arrive in my driveway and beckon to take the scenic route. For those looking to cheat “convertible season” a bit I offer you the Mercedes-Benz SLK roadster.

The 2012 model year is the third-generation of the cute little hard-top convertible that I affectionately refer to as a “chick’s car.” Sure, Mercedes makes a “manly” AMG version with plenty of horsepower but for the most part I feel they have really hit the mark with this latest model for the female driver. First and foremost has to be the unique Neck scarf feature that extends the driving season by delivering soothing, warm air to the nape of the neck as if one were wrapped in their (read: her) favorite scarf.

trol feature, the optional panorama roof panel of the overhead section is made dimmable by the occupants in a manner similar to that of automatic dimming rearview mirrors. A chemical film is sandwiched between two layers of glass and an electrical current is applied it allows light to pass through. When switched off the panel is tinted and reduces light.

Our tester was the SLK350 model which boasts the automaker’s latest direct-injected 3.5-liter V-6 engine generating 302 horses and 273 lb. ft. of torque. Behind the new engine is a new seven-speed automatic gearbox with a more advanced torque converter said to provide better fuel economy and increased durability and uses a new type of low-viscosity ATF fluid that is blue in color instead of the usual red.

The new SLK also comes with a unique Attention Assist system that through a steering movement sensor monitors driver’s erratic steering corrections as would occur when the drive is drowsy and via digital display suggests the driver takes a rest.

To help maintain the “do,” Mercedes offers the AIRGUIDE wind deflector that mounts to the back of the rollbars to really reduce air buffeting during top down driving.

This third-gen SLK features all-new exterior styling and is the most aggressive to date for the model line with inspiration drawn from its SLS sibling.

Mercedes-Benz reinvented the retractable hardtop roof for modern times when it launched the first SLK and now that roof has gone completely high-tech with the new Magic Sky Con-

Spring is in the air so even if Mother Nature has not warmed things up for you the new 2012 SLK from Mercedes-Benz can.

Google: project glass augmented reality glasses Ladies & Gentlemen, the future is now. Google has brought us one step closer to Skynet with the introduction of Project Glass. These glasses recognize objects and will be voice controlled giving you access to every feature that you have on your smartphone and much more. Navigate through the city mumbling commands to yourself and wearing frames that make you look like a cyborg assassin. Expect them on shelves first quarter 2013. At least now there’s a reason to wish against the Mayan prophecy.

PRICE:TBD

GameReview of Tiger woods pga tour 13

Console: PS3, 360 Rating: E Developers: EA Sports

8 out of 10 Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Good sports games are often an anomaly. New versions of what is essentially the same game are released every year at full price. But why do gamers so willingly fork over their money?

Is that we are just conditioned to or it is that we genuinely hope to discover a game that was worthy of our hard-earned money? In the case of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2013, it’s because the game has been substantially overhauled, and nearly every facet of the mechanics system has been improved.

In lieu of a “pull back and let it fly” system that has, until this point, served the series well, a more meticulous swing mechanic has been added to improve realism and gave this series a much needed facelift. Gamers that actually play golf will feel more comfortable with this addition, as attention to the minutiae of your swing is critical. Slice, backspin, and roll are all at your fingertips, and at whatever severity you wish. But beware of the sand traps.

By Ashly Anderson – www.almostnerdy.com

The courses look just as polished as ever, and the Collector’s Edition of the game includes 20 extra courses of 18 holes each for the small price of 10 extra dollars. There are, of course, going to be favorites. But Tiger Woods has shaped up to be the best entry in recent memory.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

Q: Why did the blond want to become a vetrinarian?

A: Because she loved children.

Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

A: Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t masturbate?

A: A liar

April 11 - 17, 2012

Poor Guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes!

He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.”

If he wants to do it, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck.

He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!”

Aries March 21 – April 19 Your birthday will be marked as a national holiday after scientists discover that you are not from this world.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 It isn’t easy being a kind, thoughtful, giving person, but working at In-N-Out is no picnic either.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 The ancient Greeks bestowed upon us four types of love, Agape, Eros, Philia, Storge; but apparently you’ve discovered a fifth – just plain nasty love.

17

Blitz Funnys

Death Penalty for Dad The Dallas Morning News (April 1, 2012) reported Aaron Ramsey had starved to death his 10-year-old son.

Quote: “Johnathan (his son) slowly starved to death, given only what his dad called “military rations” until he became so frail and hungry that he couldn’t walk and ate his own feces...”

(Ramsey admitted to police his son went from 90 to 60 pounds between Mar.-Aug. 2011.)

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Your life will go into dire straits when you find out that someone has hidden the remote control forcing you to watch the Home Shopping Network all weekend.

Leo July 23 – August 22 You’ll go to a friend’s house this Sunday for a meal only to see his cat’s dropping’s at the dinner table.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 The stars have issued a recall for all ’85-’91 Virgos. Please report to the nearest Virgo service center immediately.

Feet Socking Money Away August 15, 2011, while President Obama visited Cannon Falls, Minnesota, he shook hands with Igor Vovkivinsk; who, at 7-feet8.33-inches, is considered the tallest person in America. Wearing the T-shirt “World’s Biggest Obama Supporter,” this girls’ basketball coach explained the 16-surgeries on his feet to reduce their size had left them deformed and he in much pain. (This media exposure allowed Igor’s website to raise $37,000, while Reebok offered to fly him to Canton, Massachusetts, to receive a custom made pair of footwear.)

Kept His Putter From Putting Seen any good movies lately? Well, if you’re still a fan of golfer Tiger Woods, you might want to see Three Mistresses: Notorious Tales of the World’s Greatest Golfer. It stars porn star Joslyn James and several other XXX actresses, who claim they were “caddies” for Tiger while he made many, many, many, holes-inone.

Libra September 23 – October 22 You aren’t sure where you got the idea for your cat bathing business, but now you admit that it wasn’t the best idea.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You felt that saving money on a home security system by rescuing a wayward bobcat wasn’t the right move, but who needs sleep anyways?

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 You will spend the next seven days desperately preparing for the final three.

ACROSS: 1. Cache 6. Conspiracy 10. Bit of gossip 14. Roof overhangs 15. 71 in Roman numerals 16. Infiltrator 17. Go-between 18. Affirm 19. Desserts 20. An orange-yellow dye 22. Aquatic plant 23. American Dental Association 24. Impudent 26. Colonnade 30. Violent disturbances 32. Utilize again 33. Porous 37. Hearing organs 38. Film 39. Found over each eye 40. Driven

42. A person who is owned by someone 43. Style 44. Hotdog 45. Egyptian peninsula 47. French for “Good” 48. “Smallest” particle 49. Slacker 56. Alley 57. Nile bird 58. Give off 59. Analogous 60. Nil 61. Chain of hills 62. Religious offshoot 63. Distinctive flair 64. Horse

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 You’ll win over all the cats in your neighborhood when you start preparing macaroni and cheese with tuna for dinner!

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 There must be a better way to tell your ex the difficult things you need to get off your chest. Like, say, the Jumbotron at Rangers Ballpark Pisces February 19 – March 20 You are starting to find yourself more and more obsessed with people who, unlike yourself, actually accomplish things in life.

DOWN: 1. Nipple 2. Indian music 3. Not under 4. Blow off steam 5. A dais 6. Town square 7. 66 in Roman numerals 8. Beasts of burden 9. Dreary 10. Unsurmountable 11. Labors 12. Mournful poem 13. Plateau 21. Citrus drink 25. Consumed food 26. District 27. 500 sheets 28. Curtail 29. Task 30. Variety show 31. Colored part of an eye 33. Impoverished 34. Fiber source 35. Great affection 36. Pitcher 38. Make small

41. Orange pekoe 42. Vocalists 44. Was victorious 45. Investment 46. Classical Greek 47. American buffalo 48. “Oh my!”

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April 11 - 17, 2012

The CLOSER

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

The Answer Guy with Arthur Bellfield

comments@blitzweekly.com Dear Arthur,

Schmidt Brewed by: Pabst Brewing Company ABV: 4.50% The “Official Beer of the American Sportsman” showed up on our radar. Thank you friends in low places. The slightly yellow lager color beer produced a good head with decent lacing. The aroma of grain and corn are present. It has a vague sweetness with a bit of corn coming through. It finishes light, dry and clean. It’s a great chugging beer if you can find one!

Torano Vault Wrapper: Nicaragua Binder: Nicaragua Filler: Nicaragua Strength: Full-Bodied The Vault is being offered in four different sizes and individually cello-wrapped.

The wrapper has minimal veining with a nice, oily sheen. It lights with ease evenly and has a nice burn. The cigar possesses distinct flavors that are earthy and woodsy with hints of cedar and oak, not much black pepper. It burns slow and evenly. The flavors and construction are consistent. Enjoy with scotch or bourbon.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months now and things are great – well except for one very important issue; we are a house divided on political issues. Every time the subject comes up and my opinions differ from hers I find myself sleeping on the couch. Is their any middle ground possible?

Signed, The Reluctant Republican

With the upcoming Presidential election coming up I imagine things are going to get really interesting around your house. Six months is a long time to deal with an elephant in the room; even longer if the said elephant has a mind of its own! Politics as a whole tend to be that type of elephant. Dating a Democrat while being a Republican can lead to some intense verbal battle of wits.

What’s interesting is that you decided to date this liberal-minded and apparently opinionated woman while being the conservative vessel of morality that you are. I just hope you don’t have a poster of Bill O’Reilly on your wall in a red, white, and blue thong!

If you’re searching for a middle ground outside of the bedroom, then that’s simple! Learn not to take your arguments and opinions too seriously, especially if neither of you are willing to honestly listen to each other and see why the other thinks the way they do. Many civilizations from Rome to Carthage have fallen over political strife along with a few billion marriages and relationships along the way. It’s the same with religion. My momma once taught me, “You can never win an argument against a woman.” So learn to hold your tongue.

What’s the first video game that you ever played?

Oh wow, you’re taking it way back there, huh?

Well let’s say Super Mario Bros.

Did you beat it?

Several times. I saved the Princess probably 500 times over.

How would you best describe Unscripted 360?

A community driven website for gamers and entertainment of all kind. It’s mainly Xbox 360 but we cater to all gamers. But its main focus is the social community.

What made you choose gaming as a career?

Gaming is one of those things that I could do in my spare time, not my spare time, when I’m on the train, not on the train, just any old time I can find myself into some games.

Dingo Ingredients: 1/2 oz Southern Comfort Peach Liqueur 1 1/2 oz Light Rum 1 oz Amaretto Almond Liqueur 1 oz Sweet and Sour Mix 2 oz Orange Juice 1 splash Grenadine Syrup

Which one would you rather: Life in a Metroid suit or life in a Mario Bros.

Tanooki suit?

You know what, even though Metroid was a girl she was so cool that I’m going to go with Metroid.

Mixing Instructions: Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker and shake well. Strain over plenty of ice in a large glass, garnish with an orange slice, and serve.

Which game has had the biggest influence on your career?

Halo without a doubt.

This issue is dedicated to our friend A great man, a great coach, and a great writer Joe Avezzano 1943-2012 Thank You For The Memories Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Name: Deacon Blade How You Know Him: The “Velvet Voice” and resident Microsoft MVP of Unscripted 360 is > than the average Joe. He hosts movie premieres, rules the airwaves, and rocks the web. You can search coast-to-coast and you won’t find a cooler gamer (trust us we’ve looked).

What’s the most unbeatable game ever made?

Ninja Gaiden 2. I still can’t beat that game. You have to be one of the most skilled gamers in the world to beat Ninja Gaiden 2. That’s what makes it good though.

What’s the least gamer thing about you?

When most people think about gamers they normally don’t think about someone who’s cool. I like to think of myself as someone is really cool and up to date when it comes to fashion and things like that.

Your 11th Commandment Thou shalt be velvet.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 31

April 11 - 17, 2012

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